This is my first effort, with a few minor tweaks. Some of you may have seen it at FM some months back. For those that haven't...
The follow up will be posted in a few days.

His wife's infidelity forces a young man to re-evaluate his life. A gentle tale of self realisation.

This is a work of adult fiction. No resemblance to reality should be inferred or expected. That said I don't think it's too far out there. However you be the judge. Copyright KLS 2005.

People are Complicated

By Kristina.L.S

1: Introduction

I was sitting there waiting for the receptionist to call me. Eighteen years old straight out of school with a lousy final grading, nervous as hell. I wanted this job.
Not that I was a dummy or anything. Up until high school I was up near the top of my class and had been called on a few times to read to the younger kids when the teacher needed to leave the room for a while. I'd enjoyed it too. There had been a few occasions when I didn't quite mesh with the world around me. But I guess most people feel that from time to time.

Things changed when I got to High School. I just couldn't fit the mould, got distracted, daydreamed and generally didn't try very hard. Due to a bit of drama in the first few months I got a rep as being Gay; but not a snitch. So for the next few years I was virtually friendless. Then in my final year I fell in with a couple of girls who treated me as a friend. This made a noticeable difference in my general attitude and things started to improve, socially and academically.

Then came the 'accident'. In Hospital for 2 months, missed the exams. Once I was discharged I had to sit them while still sick and weak. Bombed badly. Schools out, my parents moved interstate and I was on my own in a crummy little flat rapidly running out of the 2 grand they'd given me before leaving. I think I disappointed them.

"Mr Williams, Mrs Johnson will see you now." Well here goes nothing.

" Andrew good to see you. Please have a seat."

"Thanks Mrs Johnson"

"So young man, you would like to work for me would you? That is, for The Johnson Agency. You will find I'm very hands-on. I take an interest in everyone that works here, professionally and personally. So even a raw kid straight out of school has a chance to improve themselves through dedication and a willingness to help out when needed."
There was silence for a few seconds as we looked at each other.

"Your final grades are rather poor, yet you seem an intelligent young man. Would you care to explain that?"

With minimal details I gave her an outline of my inability to adjust to high school, then how the accident had disrupted my final year just as I was getting things together. "Hmm I see. What do you know about this Agency?"

I went on to give a run down of what I had researched. "Ah, the agency was started by your husband Graham Johnson and his partner Bill Adams. Adams & Johnson was born. Um, this new ad agency gradually became well known and respected within the industry. Then with you, Mrs Johnson, guiding the proposal, the two partners agreed to diversify into a full, one stop shop. Covering all the stages from creative concept, through marketing then on to production of the finished campaign. Ah, if and as required you would sub-contract any and all models or other outside personnel."

"Umm, you then went on to organize the purchase and renovation of two turn of the century houses set side by side on a combined 1.6 acres of ground and connected to each other by a covered walkway. These houses, or offices slash studios I should say, became known as the East and West wings. East being production and design, housing all the arty types. The West being home to the management, sales and legal side, all the good wardrobes in other words."
I was briefly interrupted here by a sharp muffled laugh. At a gesture I continued.
"Umm, shortly after that with everything looking pretty rosy, both the main partners were killed in a plane crash, sorry ma'am. Following this disaster a major downturn occurred. What with legal wrangling and business manoeuvring the Agency was in trouble but you pulled things together and took full control. You held most of your existing accounts and gradually pulled ahead again."

" So that brings us roughly up to date. Ah, sorry if I missed anything significant. So just 5 years later the Johnson Agency is back up top with me looking to come in at the bottom of the East wing as a junior whatever."

She looked at me for a couple of seconds then laughed and said, "I see you've done your homework. That's a pretty good summary of the Agency history. It must have taken a bit of effort to find all that. There may be hope for you yet. You're references are O'k, but don't really sing do they. I see your doing the communications diploma at night."

"Yes ma'am, I'll be done in 3 years. It will be tough. But having this job would sure help... (Another laugh) ...I'm willing to do whatever needs doing to get my foot in the door."

"Well young Andrew I have another to meet yet. But you have managed to impress me so there is a good chance." She paused for a moment giving me a long steady look. " Hmmm, Ok then. I will be in touch by the end of the week Andrew, one way or the other. Thank you for coming in."

" No thank you for seeing me and hopefully employing me."

Another laugh. "I'll be in touch."

As I went past the receptionist smiled and said, " You got her to laugh which is a good sign, good luck." I thanked her and left.

Tuesday morning at The Johnson Agency.

"Frank?"

"Yes Mrs J. "

" I have two job applications that need vetting, nothing too serious, just a basic background...Yes pick up the files from Helen this afternoon. ...Thursday would be fine.... thanks Frank see you then.. .. about 2? .. good."

Thursday afternoon.

" Hello Frank, come in. How did you go? Anything interesting on our two lads?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary on Simmons, pretty much as described. Williams however..."

"What, he seemed perfect?"

" Well, I suppose that depends on what you want to make of it"... he handed her the file and pointed to a paragraph half way down. She read for a moment then went through it again, then looked up..."I see. Interesting. Still, not enough to ruin his future by my standards."

" Just thought I should point it out. Seems like a nice kid that's had it pretty tough. Your decision though."

"Hmmm, yes, thanks Frank. I think he'll do." Frank smiled, nodded and left.

Friday morning the phone rang at quarter past nine. "Hello?"

"Andrew Williams?"

"Yes speaking."

" Andrew its Gale Johnson here. I'm pleased to offer you the position with us. Could you be here at my office 8.30 Monday, we have a busy week. I will show you around and introduce you, then you hit the ground running, Ok?"

"Yes ma'am, that's great thank you, I'll see you then."

"Andrew, please call me Gale, ma'am sounds so old."

"Yes ma'.... Gale, thank you. I'll see you Monday."

For the next 3 years I worked my butt off days and nights. Got to know the business, especially the creative side. Got my diploma. Got promoted steadily. Made friends with most of the people here, with a couple of exceptions. Then met Kate. She was gorgeous, smart and tough as they come. Straight out of law school with top marks and at the age of twenty-three already handling 50% of the legal stuff for the Agency. Damn I was impressed.
Despite everyone thinking we were total opposites we got on famously. Six months later we were married. I got promoted again to head of the East wing. Life was looking good.

2: Revelations

"Andrew, Kate, thanks for coming to my little end of year do."

"Our pleasure Gale, we wouldn't miss one of your parties for anything." She smiled and kissed us both on the cheek and invited us through.

Gales end of year parties were legendary. Held at her house on the hill looking across the valley just north of the city. Ocean visible to the east and the city to the south it was a mansion that took 20 people full time to maintain. She always said it was too big for 1 'old' woman to rattle around in on her own, so the staff gave her a little company. Five of them lived in. It had been Grahams dream home so she stayed rather than sell up. At forty-three she was hardly old and looked great.
We mingled, nibbled and sipped champers. The whole crew, with assorted partners were here. With business associates, band and caterers that meant about 300 people. Not a bad little get together. We smiled at each other then separated to mix.

About forty minutes later, holding an empty glass, I'm not much of a drinker, I headed to the kitchen to refill and find Kate. It was almost sit down time.
Refilled my glass. Bollinger Grande Annee, nice. Then I heard Joanne from sales voice. She's a friend of Kate, but I have to admit to being a little disapproving. She had a reputation, which she cherished, as a real man-eater. Still she was nice enough.

"... so Katherine dear, how's married life treating you a year or so down the road. Still sticking with that wimp of a husband after comparing what, 6,7 seriously masculine contenders over the last few months. I'm sure he's a nice guy and all ... but seriously, after John and Bill there how can you compare. Be honest now... against those 2 alone, any comparison?"

" God you know how good those two are.... in a purely get down and dirty physical sense... no comparison at all. Then there's Tim from legal at Thompsons'... hmmm .... unbelievable!....still..."

I froze. Everything stopped.... My wife had just admitted multiple affairs. With guys from work and other companies we dealt with. I headed back through the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of vodka on the way. Totally unaware of the tears running down my face, I headed back out, getting a couple of odd looks that barely registered. Then headed around by the pool grabbed a bench and started drinking. It was half a bottle later that I registered someone was standing beside me. Gale looked at me for a moment, then sat beside me. She put an arm around my shoulders and wiped my face as she took the bottle. Setting it beside her she looked closely at my face...

" I've never seen you drunk before. It really doesn't suit you Andy. Tell me what happened." After staring into the middle distance for a couple of minutes I did. She sighed, then helped me back inside to the kitchen. Two coffees later and feeling vaguely like living, we headed back to the party. Half way there I slipped and fell to one knee, then threw up on the tiles. Kate came running and Gale suggested she get me home and not to worry about anything here.

"Are you sure you're Ok Andy, you don't have to sleep here. I'll keep you warm in our bed..."

"No Kate thanks, if I have to get up to the bathroom I don't want you awake all night too. The world is still revolving slowly like one of those animations of distant galaxies but I'll be fine, really."

She gave me a worried look..."What happened? I've never seen you drunk before, you had me worried when you fell with Gale."

" Just stupid, you know I don't drink champagne much. What with no lunch it just hit me. Sorry to ruin your night as well."

She looked concerned and felt my forehead..."You know I don't care about that as long as you're OK."

" I'll be fine, you go to bed. I'll sit up for a bit to make sure I 'can' lie down when I want to ", this said with a rueful smile. She smiled back, said 'Ok see you in the morning' then after a quick kiss went next door to the main bedroom. I lay there on the bed feeling awful for about 20 minutes till the light went off in our bedroom. Then I grabbed a pad and pen and started writing.

I packed for about a week. My clothes were in this room as the main closet was overrun with Kate's clothes. Propped the note against the toaster. Then headed for the garage.

Kate roused slightly as she heard the garage door open, Andy's car back out, then the door shutting. She frowned, glanced at the clock... 2am. Mumbling to herself..." Hope he's not still drunk enough to get pulled over... Probably going for Chinese... he hasn't eaten all night." She sighed, then went back to sleep.

I drove to the beach and walked and thought for hours. Then sat waiting for the sun to come up.

Kate was up at six and got ready for her run. Poking her head into the spare room she frowned at the made up and empty bed. Heading downstairs she checked the garage, Andy's car was not there. She was getting worried as she headed back to the kitchen. Spotting the note she smiled to herself. Typical she thought beat me up and out, probably wants to meet for coffee and act contrite but superior. Laughing she reached for the note..." Oh God!".... as she collapsed into a kitchen chair. Tears started to run as she read.

"Dear Kate. Sorry I couldn't face you this morning. I've packed enough for a week or so. I'll buy extra, as I need. Last night you asked what happened just before going to bed. Well, I walked into a conversation between you and Jo just as you were discussing my merits as a husband versus several other men. Seems I don't come up too well in the stud department.
It felt like I'd been stabbed in the guts, I do know what that feels like by the way, by the person I loved and trusted the most. You have no idea how much that hurt. Then I grabbed a bottle and proceeded to drink, hoping to erase things. Didn't work.
I'm moving to a motel or something to think for a while. See you at work on Monday, I wont tell anyone what's happened.
We'll talk in a week or so, when I've had a chance to sort my head out.
Love Andrew

"Oh Christ what have I done." Her run forgotten Kate sobbed at the kitchen table tears staining the note.
After thinking for about an hour Kate grabbed the phone..." Hello Gale, it's Katherine Williams...ummm... that's why I'm ringing... yes.... could I come up and have a word.... Thanks see you in about 45. "

".... so you see he left this note and I think I've blown the best thing I've ever had for the sake of a few tumbles with macho studs that I don't, for the most part, like very much!" the self disgust she felt was evident to Gale who was watching her closely.

"Kate you have fucked up badly. I'm very annoyed with you." Gale got up and began to pace back and forth in front of Kate as she watched the older woman like a rabbit caught in a spot light.
" I found Andy last night out near the pool after a couple of people told me he looked a mess as he left the house" ...taking a deep breath Gale continued..."he was sitting on a bench by the pool working his way through a bottle of vodka. You know how little he drinks. That's how upset he was. I got the bottle form him pretty easily. Getting him to tell me why was a bit harder. But he did.... I like Andy a lot. He was a kid when he walked in here straight out of school five years ago, living in a dump of a flat because his parents had basically disowned him and moved interstate. I don't think he had a friend in the world. But he had a brain and impressed me. I think he's probably one of the nicest guys I know, period. Everyone here at the agency, well, the east wing anyway, would kill for him." Pausing she waved the coffee pot, Kate shook her head mouthing "No Thanks"

Taking another breath Gale continued, "He is worth his weight in gold to the agency, therefore to me. I don't want him messed up. Damn!" she paced some more.
"Do you understand the reference to knowing what it feels like to be stabbed in the guts? "

"No I don't. He's never said anything like that before" Kate looked miserable.

So she bloody well should, thought Gale.
"I didn't even know about his life before here, I thought his parents were dead. Will you tell me? " Obviously upset Kate started crying quietly.

Gale looked at her hard for a second, then sighed and sat beside her. "He is a very generous man. It is not my story to tell. I only know because I did a standard background check before employing him. The same as I do for everyone." Kate looked up eyes wide with an un-asked question.

"Yes you too. Anyway my investigator found something he thought interesting about Andy's last year at school. The accident that cost him 2 months in hospital and screwed his chances of a decent mark was not an accident." Surprised Kate went to speak. Raising her hand Gale said," No sorry, you'll have to ask him. Its not mine to tell."
She paced some more then said," What It would mean to you I'm not sure. I've never told him I know. I think it would embarrass him, perhaps hurt him unnecessarily."
Frowning, Gale sat sipping coffee silently for a minute. Then looking at Kate,
" Katherine you're a smart girl and I respect you for what you do. I hope you two can work this out. But don't make me choose sides, you may not like where that goes."

"No Gale. I know I do good work for you, but if it came down to a, him or me, I know where that would fall. I'd think exactly the same. There are plenty of decent lawyers out there. But there are not too many people that could handle Andy's job. I don't think there's even anyone internally you could promote without a lot of work."

"I'm glad you understand that. I have no desire to loose either of you. So please work this out if you can. Short of a major blow up both your jobs are safe, OK?"

Smiling ruefully Kate placed her cup on the table nodded and said 'thanks Gale' as she left.

3: Repercussions

Weeks went by, then one month, then two.
Andy's thoughts had been running wild. Circular arguments bouncing around never stopping or reaching an answer.
"Christ ... I need help." Looking up his old diary he found the number and dialled. " Hi ... yes ... my names Andy Williams... no not the singer I think he's dead.... Ummm well I haven't seen the doc for about 5 years... Yes that's me...5.30 Wednesday, great thanks."

For the next month he saw Doc Overton 3 times a week.
"So Andy are you clearer about your future now. I know this is hard but you're tough. Still plenty young enough to create a life from where you are. At a guess I'd say Gale would support you 100%."

"You know Mrs Johnson"

" Oh yes for a long time." He paused, thinking for a moment, then continued.

"What exactly your wife will make of this I don't know. But from what you've told me you have a pretty good chance of at least maintaining a good relationship, even if a divorce features in the not too distant future. She's a smart woman, whom you believe loves you, despite your supposed shortcomings as a man. I have no evidence about that either way, as we've never met. This will probably hurt her a great deal; but love may find a way." Smiling he glanced at his patient and saw the indecision and fear on his face.

"Whatever happens you owe her an explanation. Secrets like this do no one any good over time. They just poison any possible goodwill. Please be honest with yourself and with her. What happens will happen. Yes I know, easily said. But still true. People are complicated they never cease to surprise me. You must be true to yourself before you can be any good for others. That is on a personal level at any rate. Take a little time to order your thoughts. Then sit down together. Good luck. You have all the necessary referrals. I'll be here as needed. See you in week or two."

To say I was nervous is a gross understatement. I hadn't spoken to Kate for nearly three months except for some basic work related stuff. All at work. This was going to be tough.

It was just after 7.30, I figured Kate would have finished dinner by the time I knocked on the door.

I took a long look as she stood there not sure what to say or do. She looked tired and... what, sad and maybe a little afraid. I smiled a lop sided smile, "Can I come in Kate?"

"Oh... umm... sorry, please, it is still your home too."

I handed her a bottle of the soft Italian red that we both liked, "I thought we could talk over a glass if you've nothing else planned."

"No. No nothing, have you eaten. There's some there if you'd like?" She looked at me hopefully...for answers or a distraction of some sort?

" No thanks Kate I've eaten earlier; please..." as I waved the bottle at her.

"Oh yes... sorry, just be a moment." As she went into the kitchen I looked about. Everything looked pretty much the same, just slightly neglected. I felt guilty at that. I'd just left, 3 months ago and she didn't know if or when I was coming back.

" Here you go", as she sat the bottle with two glasses on the coffee table, poured and sat back with her legs tucked under her. I smiled at that totally natural gesture and relaxed a little myself.

" So...", we both started at once.

" No you go..." we both started again. Laughing we both sat back then.

"Ok Kate, we both know what's happened up to now. But despite the hurt you caused me that night I don't really blame you."

"What... " she started.

"No wait, please let me finish. You cheated on me", she winced at that but nodded,"... and that hurt like you wouldn't believe."

" Oh I think I would," she muttered... "...these last couple of months...not fun."

"No I bet. I'm sorry about that. I need to explain why I just didn't front you then and there. Have a good screaming match and sort it out on the spot. Quite apart from airing our dirty laundry in public; in front of all our work colleagues no less, part of me understood and accepted what you'd done." She looked puzzled at that.

"How could you... unless....?" She suddenly looked upset.

" No Kate it's not that. I've never cheated on you." She slumped back looking sad and hurt.
"Kate look I have never been the jock slash stud. At five nine you stand an inch taller. Wearing heels you tower over me. It never mattered to me, but obviously at some level bothered you." She started to object...but I held up my hand in a stop gesture.
"Kate please think about it, I believe you do love me in a way, but perhaps not quite enough. I am in some way not quite man enough for you." She squirmed in her seat at that and took a big sip of wine.

" You may have subconsciously picked up on a part of me that is well hidden. But we have been pretty close for the last eighteen months, so... "

"What are you saying ... are you gay?"

"No Kate, I'm not gay ...exactly."

"What does that mean?" Kate was crying now and looked a little angry.

I took a deep breath. " Do you recall in the note I left you. About being stabbed."

She nodded... " Yes. I realized I knew almost nothing about you before we met. I thought your parents were dead."

I started at that.... "How...?"

"Gale knows about whatever happened. She does background checks. She knew your life story before she hired you."

I was just a little surprised at that and Kate noticed, sat back and waited for me to gather my thoughts.
"Ah... sorry Kate that threw me a little. Anyway, back in school I was a skinny little kid. First year: 3 months in, my best friend and I were singled out as faggots. There was no real reason. We spent a lot of time together, had known each other since the age of four. Our birthdays were a week apart. Anyway we were teased, taunted, shoved; hit and kicked occasionally and generally treated like dirt for two months. He couldn't handle it. He cracked at home one night and spilled his guts to his parents. They rang mine who knew nothing. When I confirmed his story they were shocked. Why didn't I say anything? ... Anyway that destroyed our friendship. I spent the next five years pretty much alone, with a bit of hassling thrown in now and again. Then in final year a couple of months after my 17th a couple of girls got friendly. It seems they thought I was perfect to round out their trio. The three musketeers or something like that. Anyway I started going around with them, just as a friend. Then they wanted to dress me up as one of them. With not too much persuasion, I agreed."

I stopped for a minute for a sip of wine and to catch my breath. Kate was sitting back looking at me with a sad, wide-eyed expression.

"Okay where was I. We started going out as three girls. After a little initial nervousness I had a great time. Suddenly not just my two girlfriends thought of me as someone interesting. I went from being a total pariah to being desired, a heady mix. Three months before the final exams we were at a local club having a good time. I went outside to get a breath of air when I was grabbed from behind.

'You little bastard gay faggot.... Your going to die you scum...' I remember that very clearly. They beat and kicked me to the ground. Three, I think. Then one rolled me onto my back. My vision was blurred, slight concussion. Then he said slowly... '...die you piece of shit', and pushed a knife into my belly. I can still feel the slow burn as it went in, then a cold spreading outward from that point. I passed out. Apparently one of my friends came out and found me there in the car park. I woke up two weeks later, minus a couple of feet of bowel including my appendix. Yes that's the scar on my right stomach. I was there for 9 weeks before they released me. Nearly died from septicaemia and almost lost my right kidney, it got nicked by the knife.
Big scandal. High school transvestite stabbed in lovers spat. Hah... The cops didn't look too hard. No one was arrested. I was generally considered a disgrace. Banished to the outlands as it were. As soon as possible after my eighteenth birthday my parents handed me 2 grand and took off interstate. I don't know where exactly. So here we are."
I took a long slow breath in and out a sip of wine then looked directly at Kate. She was weeping openly with compassion mingling with anger rolling across her face.

Before Kate could gather her thoughts I continued. "Kate you should know that part of the reason it's been 3 months since the party is that I've been seeing a psychiatrist. The same one I saw five years ago. With his help I've resolved my identity crisis. In short; I, um, I ... I can't be your husband anymore, because I've decided to undergo gender reassignment to live as a woman."

Stunned she just stared at me with her mouth open.
"So you see why I can understand that you would need to seek something outside our marriage. You may very well love me. I know I love you a great deal. But you like men and I'm just not quite man enough." Then under my breath "...people are complicated. Shit!"

It hit me then, I put my glass down wrapped my arms around myself and started sobbing quietly. Blinded by tears I didn't see Kate move, just felt her as she sat beside me, wrapped her arms around me. Crying also but saying, "Shush baby, shush, it's all right my love. It'll be all right. We'll work it out."

4: Resolution

I moved back home, initially to the spare room, then at Kate's insistence back to our bed in the main room. "God I've missed you."

"Likewise..." I said with a slight smile on my face. With tears in both our eyes we settled into sleep.

The medical, slash, legal process to get me to where I was going, plodded along. I told Gale and she offered her full support. After about three months I began to look a little more femme. Hair was longer and softer, as was my skin. Electrolysis was just about finished. Thank god my beard was light.
I talked it over with Kate then with Gale and agreed that I would announce to the assembled masses in the east wing, everyone else would know in about 20 seconds, my intention to begin dressing next week as a woman in the lead up to Reassignment surgery in about 12 months.

Kate and I, once I got past my nervousness, spent the weekend shopping for clothes etc for me. 4 grand later I was all decked out. For now, said Kate.
Phew... couldn't do that too often.

Over the previous month Kate and Andrea (yeah that's me) had gone out several times. She coached me. Cajoled me and generally helped me along. We became in one sense closer than ever. But apart from a bit of kiss and cuddle, no sex.

Feeling reasonably comfortable about things on Monday afternoon I called Jenny, my secretary, friend and personal lifesaver in. "Jenny I consider you a friend and I need your help."
She smiled and nodded as if to say, 'yeah ok, I know already, get on with it'. Slightly flustered I continued as she chuckled at my discomfort.

" Umm... anyway I have to make an announcement to the gang here this week. When is everybody likely to be here?"

Without pause she smiled and said, "Everything's set up for Wednesday morning 9.30."

Seriously flustered now I blushed bright red, then said, "Ah thanks Jen. I suppose you know more about this than I do."

" Oh I doubt that. But you're a good boss, so I try to look out for you. I've noticed the last couple of months or so touches of makeup and polish. Ears pierced. Softer more feminine look overall. Your good to work for as a man, I'm sure you'll be just as nice, maybe nicer as a woman."

" Nicer...? " I said with raised eyebrow.

"Sure you seem to be more at ease lately, less stressed. I figure you've taken a load off with the decision to go with this. So yes.... Nicer I think."

"Ah... Ok thanks you're a sweetheart. Anyway... Ah... next Monday you start to work for Andrea officially...."

" Cool..." she kissed me on the cheek as she left. Blushing, but with a big smile on my face I went back to work.

Boy did that week drag. The big announcement went over with hardly a raised eyebrow, let alone any drama. Anyone that wanted to discuss anything with me was welcome to drop in to my office anytime. Two of the girls did just that, straight away too. Just hugs and kisses.

" Hey I'm still your boss!"

"Oh pooh. Welcome to the club hon. You'll make a cute girl.... boss." I scowled as they scuttled out laughing. Then laughed myself and called out "Thanks guys."

"Your welcome..." chorused back across the office. Every one else just nodded or gave the thumbs up sign.

Even Phil the house photog just said in his laconic way, "No worries ... uhh ...Andrea everything will be sweet." I blushed again at that which got a general laugh from everyone close.

The weekend came with another, though less intense, shopping trip. Which included the works at the local salon. Wax job (legs bikini brows underarms), nails, facial, massage and hair. Overall very nice I could get used to that.

Kate laughed and said, " Lovely isn't it, wait till you see the bill though." She was right, that took the wind out a little, but only a little.

Kate and I went to the beach, late Saturday after any crowd had left and wandered arm in arm along the sand. " You know Kate..." I started...

" Shush", she said. We walked a little further. Then, "Um... you know Andy" then laughed, "Sorry; Andrea.... No I guess Andie is still fine isn't it. Still works for Andrea."

" Yep. No one can hear the spelling." I said with a smile.

"You know..." then laughed shaking her head. "Some vocabulary, 5 years at law school and still can't come up with a fresh opening to a sentence, sheesh. Anyway, you know, I think you're nicer this way. As a girl, I mean. You seem more comfortable with yourself. Which makes everyone around you more relaxed as well. Including me."

" You're not the first to comment."

"Jen?" she asked smiling.

"Jen." I confirmed.

We walked along some in silence. "You know.... Arrrgh! Ummm, I haven't had sex since the ahh... Gales party. First it was guilt and you being gone. Then oh, I don't know, it didn't seem important. How about you? What do you think; men, or women still?"

"Jesus Kate! I don't know. I haven't really thought about it. To be honest I can't see myself bar hopping with you and Jo. Much as I'm curious about the whole business from the opposite side so to speak. It will be months yet before it's more than a moot point. Even then I have no intention of rushing out to check out the new equipment."

"Yeah. Sorry I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. It's just with you starting to look so girly. Umm. Do you still find me attractive?"
I stopped dead, totally floored. Kate stopped a couple of paces further when she realized I wasn't beside her.

Then regaining my composure,"... I never thought of it as something you might consider. I know you like men and though the idea of lesbian sex doesn't disgust you, it's not something you want either. I thought."

"Hey you, you are my husband, well sort of, I do still love you. So I wondered if you wanted to try."

"What right now, with me wearing makeup and a dress. Here in the sand dunes."

" Sure why not. No time like the present. A little bit of wicked never hurt." She walked up close, pressed herself against me. Cupped my bum in her hands then with a wicked smile kissed me hard on the lips.

With a slight moan I melted against her. She carefully lowered us both to the sand never breaking the kiss. After a minute or maybe an hour. Who knows? Kate broke contact. Then looking deep into my eyes she kissed me again. I jumped as I felt her hand brush my left nipple. She pulled back for a second, looked at me with a smile then continued. The feelings she aroused in me were heavenly. Jolts of pleasure shot from my nipples to my groin and all over. For the first time in about 2 months I had an erection. Kate took control and made love to me. It was beautiful and loving. The first time in months we'd been even remotely this close.

" Well how was that?" she asked with a grin, looking at me while propped on one elbow in the sand. I just lay there on my back with a smile on my face.

Blowing out with a slight tear in my eye, I replied. "Kate I don't think I've ever felt closer to you. That felt amazing."
With a twinkle in her eye she kissed me again, "Yep, definitely a lesbian." then laughed and flopped to her back next to me.

" How about you Kate, how did that feel? I know it's not the complete les experience... but...ummm ...well?"

" Nice, probably not enough to give up men for." she said with a grin, "But it is you and I do love you. So maybe we can keep things together when it becomes necessary to dissolve our marriage officially. I'm not looking forward to that you know"

"No. Me either but it's the law, no way round it."

"Yeah I know. Intellectually I understand it. It's just emotionally I have a little trouble..."

"Oh hell Kate I'm sorry to do this to you."

As the tears started, Kate hugged me saying "Hey it's alright you need this for your emotional sanity. As I've said before. We'll work it out."

"But what if we can't. You like men and I'm not sure I can face you going off with some guy while I'm in the same house. It may not be fair but there it is. I'm sorry."

Taking a deep breath Kate looked at me, kissed me then said, "Well you always were honest. We'll just have to see how it goes. Won't we lover? Come on let's get home."

5: Progression

Monday morning I was a nervous wreck. Gale greeted me from my office with a bunch of flowers. "Welcome Andrea, good to meet you at last." With a kiss on the cheek she smiled shook my hands gently with both of hers then headed back to her office.

" Thanks Gale I appreciate it." She smiled and waved as she headed out. With a general round of applause I was greeted to the office. Then blushing deeply said "...thanks everyone, back to work Huh."

A moment later as I got settled Jen walked in with a soft whistle. "Damn I knew you'd look good. A skirt suit and heels huh. Trying to raise the tone here are you. I'll have to start dressing up. Can't have my former male boss showing me up. Wouldn't be right."

"Thanks Jen, but your making me blush again, so back to work eh." She laughed waggled her fingers at me and headed out.

The week flew by. With a few minor disasters that we managed to pull back I didn't have time to worry about things. Using the mirror to touch up my makeup seemed completely natural and apart from a couple of slightly amused smiles, no comment was made. The time just flowed by, everything pretty much as normal. The only glitch in my composure came from two of the guys in sales. Yep you guessed it. John and Bill both saw fit to compare rather pointedly.' ...Kate is one hot piece of arse. How the hell can she stay with that pathetic little sissy boy? Jesus he was useless as a man. As a woman... god ... not worth a look. Should be put out of his misery. Let her get on with a real man. ...' , you get the gist.

I heard later that Kate blew her stack very publicly at that. "How could I have ever been so stupid as to look for something worthwhile in either of you? God, the sweetest most decent human being I have ever met both loves and believes in me. And I betrayed him. With you pieces of shit! Christ I should be shot for that. You're not worth the spit off Andy's old shoes. I'm ashamed of myself for even thinking there was something worthwhile in either of you! Andrea is a better man than either of you could ever be!"

She stormed out of the west wing and paced the garden for about a half hour before she was cool enough to get back to work.

Gale called her in, when she came back inside. " Feel better," she asked with a grin.

" Sorry Gale that was unprofessional. But hell, those two got to me."

"Quite alright my dear. I understand. I'll sort those two out later believe me" and her grin turned feral. "Now, how are things between you two these days."

" Well not bad actually. We pretty much understand each other. There is still love surprisingly. I'm not sure I deserve her. Nothing is set in stone; we may still split when the time comes. That will be hard if it happens and I know I'll be the villain there again. But should it happen it will be friendly, although very sad."

"Well I'm glad that at least there will be no bad blood. I don't want to lose either of you. Please treat her gently. This is a very hard thing for anyone to go through. I'll help if I can."

"Thanks Gale you're a peach."

As the week came to an end I started to feel down. Friday as everyone gradually left was worse. When I was alone I just sat at my desk and started to cry. Suddenly a pair of arms wrapped around my shoulders from behind, "Hey what's up
gorgeous, no crying you'll wreck your complexion." Jen whispered in my ear and handed me some tissues.

"Thanks Jen, sorry about that."

"No prob, but what brought this on, I thought the week went great?"

"Well as the week wound down and then this afternoon as everyone left I started feeling so alone. That I had to be insane, even to contemplate this. It's unnatural, perverted if you will. So what does that make me? At the very least screwed up."

"Well that's probably a discussion for your psychiatrist. But from where I sit you seem pretty well adjusted. A little too introspective sometimes but then nobody's perfect. From a work perspective, you handle people and situations better now. You're more at ease generally, so there's less potential conflict.
Not that that was a big deal before, just... well it's subtle." With a big smile she looked at me and said, "You're, well, nicer this way, told ya." Then she poked her tongue out at me, which got a cough like laugh. "Come on Boss. I'm meeting some friends at Buchananns, go fix your face and come with me."

"Umm, Ok Jen let me ring Kate, and then I'll get fixed and come. Oh and thanks again."

Jen looked at me again with a serious expression on her face. "What..?"

"It's what I said about you being nicer. We could never have had a conversation like this 4 months ago. You make a very attractive lady. If I were into girls you would be in trouble here, 'cause you're pushing all my buttons. So go get fixed up, I'll meet you in the car park", and with a peck on my cheek she headed out.

I sat there for a minute with a bemused expression on my face. Then with a mental shake, picked up the phone.

Buchananns is an upscale bar not too far from work. Jen was greeted by a group of about 10 people. A couple looked vaguely familiar. She introduced me then whispered in my ear, " Don't stress, I've told them roughly about you and they're cool. So relax Ok."

She handed me a glass of wine then started chatting with her friends. I found myself talking with a gorgeous blonde that I felt a tinkle of recognition for. "Umm... sorry but do I know you?"

She smiled and said, "Slightly, I did the last 3 shoots for Sabina Designs with you guys. I remember you quite well. Though you're looking a whole lot nicer today than I recall." This last was said with a wicked twinkle in her eye.

"Ah, well things have changed a little in the past few months." I shifted a little nervously.

She smiled softly and put her hand on top of mine, "Look my names Shelley if you didn't catch it before. I know all about you. I liked you as a guy, almost enough to turn straight for. But I heard you were married." With a shrug she continued, "So you don't bother me at all in that sense. I've worked with girls like you, so no biggie."

I'd recovered myself by now, so with a glint in my eye said, "...almost enough huh."

With a big smile on her face she responded, "Oh yeah. But you're much nicer now and if not a free agent yet, you soon will be. I can wait." She lent over and kissed me lightly on the lips. A slight electric jolt shot through me at that. "Besides I'd rather wait till your complete and settled in yourself. Doesn't do to rush these things." That got me blushing like you wouldn't believe. Shelley turned aside and started chatting to someone else. Jen caught my eye and raised her glass to me. I smiled and nodded back. It was a pleasant couple of hours.

As I excused myself to leave Shelley slipped up and handed me a card, " That's my number. When you're ready, give me a ring. We'll go out some night, no pressure. Just a get to know you. I'm unattached for the time being, so call me huh." With a one handed hug and a peck on the cheek she turned back to the group. Something to think on that's for sure.

The months flew by. Work was going well and I was pretty comfortable en femme now. Barely even thought about it most of the time. Kate was leaning against my car on the Friday night. "You know Gales big party is in two weeks. We need to go shopping. Got to get yourself organized girlfriend." This said with a chuckle and a gentle elbow to the ribs. With a soft kiss on the lips she continued, "I feel I still owe you for last year. So lets head out tomorrow and find you a dress. My treat."

"Kate you don't owe me anything. Last years debacle was more my fault for reacting as I did. So on that level we're square. Ok."

With arms crossed a stamp of one foot and a big pout "Well I don't quite see it like that. So I insist."

Laughing I surrendered, "Ok, tomorrow, thanks Kate."

Kate made a beeline for an exclusive boutique and dragged me behind her.
"I spotted the perfect thing for you the other day," turning to the assistant,
" could you get the dress held for Kate Williams please?"

It turned out to be an absolutely beautiful Colette Dinnigan navy silk and lace confection. When they saw it on me, both Kate and the assistant had big smiles on their faces, "We're not going to better that one hon. Trust me." And so it was.
Next were the shoes. After 4 attempts we found a pair of 3-inch strappy Sergio Rossi sandals that matched perfectly. "Well that was a success. I'm already sorted with basic black. The appointments are made at the salon for next Saturday at ten. So no partying Friday night, Ok."

Saturday morning as I emerged from the shower Kate was lying on the bed looking at me. "You've really blossomed in the last couple of months hon. What's your waist now?... 26...cute buns ...I'd say a full B up top. With that sandy auburn mop of yours, a really nice package. Almost makes me wish I was gay."

I don't think I've described Kate before, so: picture, athletic slim body, 5'9, C cup, great legs, thick shoulder length rich coffee dark brown hair. Face a slightly tougher Monica Belucci. An absolute stunner. Hmm must be a little bit of male left yet.

Kate smiling pulled me down on top of her, "Ah... Hon I can't really do anything anymore you know?"

" I'm sure you'll think of something." I did. About 40 minutes later Kate swatted me on the bum chuckling, " Definitely a lesbian, go on back to the shower you slut. We've only got an hour." Laughing I complied.

The party was a great success, helped greatly by the salon and my gorgeous outfit. John and Bill got frozen out, but their dates were separated and shown a good time. One of the best nights I've had, ever.

6: Conclusion

Over the next month or so everything started to come to a conclusion. I had my two Psychiatric assessments clearing me for surgery. The medical side, bar the final op was complete. That was booked for late March. Legally Kate and I were no longer husband and wife, although still living together. My one year RLT was almost up. Over several weeks and many bottles of soft red, Kate and I decided our future. She was to keep the house and I would find an apartment. We both had hols' booked for 3 days before and 3 plus weeks after my surgery. She would see me through this at home. Then we would split with a good deal of sadness but no bitterness.

I began a half-hearted search for somewhere to live. Then mid Feb found the perfect place. A nice two bed + sunroom w' balcony and bush view. Nice kitchen. En-suite and 2nd bathroom. 2 secure car spaces. Bright and airy. Perfect. All this in a nice block of 12. With a sigh and some regret I signed the lease. We both got a little weepy that night. Only two weeks before I moved out of our home for good. Well, barring a brief recuperative visit in March.

Andrea was by now fully established. My voice which had been a bit rough for a while, had now after a lot of practice settled into a nice sexy (so I was told by Jen and later Kate) contralto. A week before I was due to leave for surgery Jen presented me with a bottle of perfume. " I don't think you've sorted a personal scent out yet so try this one. I think it's you to a tee. Then you're joining us on Friday at Buchananns. Shelley keeps asking after you." This last added with a slight smirk. I wasn't quite sure how to respond to that.

Jen left smiling. I checked the bottle, Giorgio, dabbed a bit on my wrists and sniffed. Hmm.... not bad. Later as I walked by, "You've got nice taste Jen, I'll be there Friday. Thank you."

"Sure thing boss." With a big knowing smile.

I was more or less settled in my new place. Kate had helped with the expenses, furniture and such. It was a little lonely at night but starting to feel like home. Jen quietly told me one morning that Kate was dating. There was no hard edge to this as there might have been six months previous. I sent Kate half a dozen white roses with a note wishing her well. Several hours later Kate wandered in, walked up without saying a word, kissed me softly, then turned and walked out, with I think a tear in her eye. Wishful thinking perhaps.

Friday I was dressed in another suit and heels combo as Jen called them. Dark Rose suit, dark tan shoes and bag with a cream sleeveless, collarless blouse and silk finish nude hose. Not exactly risqué but hell I was still trying to come to grips with all this colour co-ordination. Then there was the makeup. Christ it was sure easier as a guy, but just maybe not as much fun.

Same basic group as before with maybe a couple of extras. Shelly's eyes sparkled when she spotted me. Jen gave me a playful swat on the bum," Go on, get re-acquainted then."

" Bleedin' liberties, you'll get yours missy." We were both laughing. Shelley walked straight up and kissed me full on the mouth. That little electric jolt struck again and I let out a very soft groan. She smiled like the Cheshire cat and drew me to the booth they had appropriated.

After a drink and some general get caught up chat round the gang Shelley neatly slid me into a neighbouring booth. "So only a few days to rebirth eh. Nervous, scared?"

"Sure a little of both, mixed with a big slice of anticipation. This lot hasn't really worked for months anyway." My vague downward gesture raised a grin.

"Look I really want to get to know you properly, would you be willing to skip this joint and have dinner somewhere. Just the two of us?" Shelley seemed for the first time slightly uncertain.

"Don't suppose you have somewhere booked do you?" I was playing a hunch that raised a blush, which made me laugh.

Jen glanced over at that, and then laughed as she caught Shelley's face. Jen gestured me close and whispered in my ear, "Shelley is really good people. I would never hook you up with anybody not worthwhile. As long as you're both honest there's a better than even chance. For both of you. She's been through a few disasters and after I mentioned your situation. Well she said she remembered you from the photo shoots we did. And that she liked you even as a guy. Which for her was a big admission. Anyway. Go for it and best of luck eh." With a thumbs up gesture to both of us she turned back to the gang.

We bade farewell with a wave, then headed a couple of blocks down, to a nice little Italian place with a rear open air bistro. As we were shown to our seats Shelley brushed her hand across my rear in a proprietary manner. As I raised an eyebrow at her she just blew me a kiss, which got a blush on my side.

" Ok we're even" I said with a grin. The rest of the meal went just as well. Lots of pleasant conversation, food, wine and more than a few laughs.

As we finished up Shelley announced, "My treat. If there's a next time you can get it. Ok." When I nodded she continued, "Would you like to come over to my place. It's three blocks over..." for the second time tonight she seemed a little nervous.

With a slight smile I said sure and linked arms. Then rolling my eyes, "Lead on my lady. I can't wait to see your etchings." That got another blush and a laugh as she led the way.

Shelley had a nice place, larger than mine as there had been up to four people living here but they had all moved on over time. It was done out in a gypsy caravan style of décor. Not sure that I could pull it off but it worked here. Made you feel right at home. Mind you the company helped. Two bottles of wine and four hours later we each had a rough outline of each other's lives to date and a slight buzz on.

Then Shelley leaned over and looking deep into my eyes kissed me hard on the mouth. That little frisson struck again, causing me to groan slightly. She pulled back and raised one eyebrow in question. When I explained, she beamed at me and kissed me again, while gently massaging my right breast. Some minutes later she led me by the hand to her bedroom. Gently stripping me to my underwear, while maintaining a wide-eyed gentle expression. Bra off she reached for my pants.

I took her hands and shook my head, "Not 'til...after. Ok." She smiled gently, stroked my cheek softly with the back of her fingers and then smiling, proceeded to strip slowly.

We made love for the next, ...well... hours. I fell asleep spooned into Shelley who hummed softly in my ear as I nodded off. The next morning was easy. Shelley was not a morning person. So I borrowed some sweats, pushed my hair into a scrunchie and headed down to a bakery I'd spotted on the way here last night. Armed with croissants and butter. I headed back. Shelley had coffee; I'd checked that before leaving. Warmed up the croissants and made the coffee. Plunged. Then headed back to the bedroom with a tray.

"Damn. If this is the treatment you give every morning, you can move in tomorrow. Nice outfit by the way."
After a pleasant breakfast, we shook the pastry out of the sheets and remade the bed. We talked easily for about an hour. Shelley lent me a dress and we walked down to the local markets. Browsed around and generally did the lazy Saturday thing. A few knowing looks came our way. Especially from one big West Indian, maybe Jamaican with a food stall. He gave us each a wrap of meat and vegetables with a rich chilli sauce and a "Shelleee me honn. Nice job dat one dere."

This, with a huge wink and crude gesture at me. We both cracked up at that and waving, walked away. "That was Jules. He fancies me. But cries out for me to find a 'nice girl' and settle down. He's outrageous, but great fun. These wraps of his are great by the way."

"Yes I know." I replied around a mouthful. We both laughed again and kept strolling.

We spent the rest of the day easily and pleasantly. Enjoying each other and the weather, which was mild and gentle.

Shelley dropped me home after a light dinner about 9. I gave her the cooks' tour; she acted impressed. Then went quiet. I stopped and waited for whatever she wanted to say.

" Um. Ahh. Andy. Andrea. I like you a lot. I liked Andrew and there aren't many guys I'd say that to. But Andrea is, well. Shit." She sat on the lounge. I sat as well but further down. After staring at her toes for several minutes, she took a deep breath. Looked over at me with tears in her eyes.

" You are just about my ideal girl. Smart, sexy, slightly submissive." This last said with a slight laugh. " You turn me on like you wouldn't believe. I find that just a little ah ...disconcerting. I know you have a dick. But hey nobodies perfect. I really want to get together with you and...um...I don't want to push too far. I have a habit of taking control. Some of my 'friends' find that a bit much at times. So..."

I shushed her there, "Shelley. I like you too. Ok. Jen's recommendation counts a lot. You haven't fallen short. I have no problem with a slightly bossy girlfriend. I was married to a lawyer. If you push too far I'll let you know. But I won't bite you to do it. I have to leave for hospital in 3 days. So you won't see me for a couple of weeks at least. Then I need to recover. I'm doing that at Kate's house. So in about 5 weeks we can get together and as long as you go gently ... I ah.. have it on good authority that chances are you're in there girl."

At that Shelley let out a whoop that buzzed my eardrums and jumped on me. After a big kiss she stood up and paced like the energizer bunny. " That's great Andrea I ahh ... I'll call you in about 40 days. Ok." She grabbed her bag and keys and headed for the door.

"Ah, Shelley. Andie is fine. Ok."

"Great call me Shel if you like." She jumped back and kissed me again, then bounded out the door humming. I stood for a minute with a silly smile on my face. Then with a mental shake started straightening up.

Surgery came and went without complication. If you're reading this I'm sure you know the general methodology. Kate was a great nurse come teddy bear. She was also greatly amused at my antics with the stent and wanted to know why it had to be that hard. 'Surely a nice rubber dildo of appropriate size would be better'. I said I'd ask next time. Which got a big laugh.
I met her current beau one night. This surprised me by only causing a slight stab. When she apologised I assured her it was fine "He seems like a nice guy."

I explained about Shelley, which got a big smile, "Yup, definitely a lesbian." I threw a lounge pillow at her. After two weeks it was time. With a big long hug and a few tears I headed back to my apartment.

Shelley called up about 4 days later. We hooked up for dinner a few times. The little frisson was still there. We got close. Talked about moving in together. I wasn't quite ready for that... yet. Still getting established as it were. We got keys to each others place and pledged one to one. As long as we were honest and trusted each other we'd be good, fine, maybe great.

Two weeks later I went back for the final little minor touch up. Forgot to ask Kate's question, too embarrassed, ah well. Got a green light for two weeks, 'but go easy'. When Shel and I finally hooked up for the big one; candle lit seduction, Diana Krall playing moody in the background, a few wines. Well it went really well. Make that fuckin' fan' bloody 'tastic. She said if she didn't know and apart from a slight lack of natural lube, she wouldn't know.

7: Epilogue

Six months. Shel and I are going great guns. Happy as Larry or some equally silly expression. Love, yeah could just be. No surgical complications.
Work is going really well. Jen teases me constantly. So I blow raspberries at her and generally behave like a juvenile idiot. Maybe it is Love.

Anyway work is good. Gale is happy with the whole gang. John and Bill both left and were replaced by a woman who bettered their combined sales within two months. She's nice too.

Joanne seems to have toned down a little.

Kate has been through a couple of guys, poor choice of words maybe, but assures me she's happy enough. Ah well hope springs eternal or something like that. I tell her she should try a threesome with Shel and me. Which gets a laugh. I don't think any of us really want to go there. So, that's the end of this little missive. Always seems bigger and longer when you put it down on 'paper'. It can run through your head in about a quarter of the time. Anyway life goes on.

Any thoughts or comments I can be contacted - [email protected] Anything short of abuse welcome.

Old acquaintances and faces from the past. Choices are not always simple.
People are complicated.
This can be read as a stand alone, but as it does back reference to events
in the first two...well...

Tina Marie and Vickie, thanks for the support. It is appreciated.
This is a work of adult fiction.
No resemblance to reality should be inferred or expected.
Copyright KLS 2006.

People are Complicated Pt 3 - Final.

By Kristina.L.S.

1. Happenstance

Andie sat back in her chair and tried to understand what had taken place over the last few hours. With a rueful smile she acknowledged a degree of flusteredness that she seldom felt at work. That probably wasn't a word but it fit anyway.

The morning had started quite normally. A quick check to make sure everyone was on top of things. Progress to ongoing work was where it should be and a check via Jen to Gale that anything new or upcoming was scheduled for. Jen sent diary entries where appropriate and after ticking off the week in the rough outline they operated with, each settled back to get rid of backed up paperwork. Whoever coined the term paperless office should probably be taken to a recycling factory and thrown in the paper bin. He or she would be smothered under tons of ex office paper in seconds. Then shredded and recycled to end up back in some office copier and probably cause a jam. Poetic justice.

Time/costing sheets per account or individual job for invoicing and salary breakdowns. Job outlines so she could keep track of who had to do what and when to keep things flowing smoothly. It was after 12 when she looked up and stretching decided to break for lunch.

One way to kill a morning.

She did a quick round for sandwich orders and phoned through to the deli 2 blocks down. A couple of phone calls to fill in the wait and do a quick follow up on an outside order. She grabbed the cane basket for the sandwiches and waved to Jen as she headed out. Daydreamed as she walked. Kate and Michelle were in Thailand and the op had gone well. Another week and they'd start the serious lazing on the beaches. She smiled to herself thinking about the twist of fate that relationship had been. After her own angst ridden soul searching...

Her thoughts turned to Shelley. The gorgeous blond that now owned her heart. She had more sexy lingerie than most stores because Shel loved her in it. As long as it wasn't the scratchy stuff she was happy to oblige. It was one of the perks after all. Shelley loved quality and quantity. She laughed to herself with a slight blush as she wondered what the reaction of the people she passed if they knew what was under her baggy jeans and silk blouse.

'Hmm, that corner shop is nearly finished. The renovations had been going for a couple of months. It seemed they were getting a florist.'

A slim woman with short, red, razor cut hair was chatting to a painter about the final design for the window. As she looked up Andie stopped dead. With a slight flutter to the stomach a big smile crossed her face.

"Cassie, you're looking good."

The redhead turned and looked at her.

"Do I know you?" her expression was vaguely puzzled. There was something familiar about this woman. But she couldn't for the life of her figure from where.

"It's Andy. Well, Andrea actually." The smile stayed as she stood a few feet away holding the big cane basket and gazing gently at this face from the past.

"ANDY! Oh my god, look at you. You're..! Hot Damn, you look fantastic! A whole lot better than the last time I saw you that's for sure." She practically jumped on the taller woman and wrapped her in a hug that almost broke ribs. With tears in her eyes she kissed both cheeks then held Andie at arms length to get another look.

"Are you, um? You know the, ah, ...everything? Hell, you said Andrea. I guess that means...? Phew I'll have to give Rob a call. She will be thrilled. We have to get together. You, um, you don't blame us for what happened do you? When you disappeared we didn't know what to think, and well..." She looked saddened by past memories.

"Oh Cass, come on. I was having a blast with you two. As you can see it made a lasting impression. Nothing was your fault. In fact you probably saved my life. If you hadn't come looking when you did..." With a slight shrug Andie pulled the other woman close and returned the hug with a soft kiss to her cheek.
"Uh, look I have to run, but are you here for a while? Sandwich order." She waved the basket.

Cassie laughed, "Are you kidding. I'll probably be sleeping here. Due to open on Wednesday and well... " She shrugged and smiled.

"Great. I'll come down after work and we can talk while you do whatever. I might even help if you ask nicely." They both laughed and hugged tight for a moment. Then split to continue with the business of the day.

With a bounce in her step and a sudden lightness of heart she headed to the deli, chatted for a minute with Beth as the order was checked and assembled, paid up and strolled back daydreaming about past friendships and the possibility of renewal.

As she came in the door an arm grabbed her about the waist and lifted her from the ground. A loud squeal brought every eye to the tableau in the doorway.

"Hi there cutie. I don't believe we've been formally introduced. Jonathon McNeil, ace photographer and occasional scribe to the powerful and insane. Where's that little pipsqueak of a boss of yours. I have a spare week or two and I'm sure he needs my perceptive eye to save a tragically endangered campaign for him." With a self-mocking laugh and a kiss to the cheek he dropped Andie back to her feet. She had recognised the voice, which is the only reason he could still walk without limping.

It had been, what, 3 years since he had last graced the Agency with his undoubted talent and outrageously over the top ego. A sort of English aristocrat with the manners and charm to match. If Hugh Grant had been taller, fitter, arrogantly certain of his irresistibility to women everywhere and utterly convinced of his own invincibility that would be Jonathon McNeil. He could walk through a fire-fight stopping to take pictures without a scratch. His fame was assured when he had brought back images of destruction, poverty and cruelty coupled with an interview with several of the warlords after the debacle in Mogadishu. Fifteen years spent in every hell hole from Rwanda to Bosnia to Sierra Leone and Gaza had not embittered him. But get him drunk and talking he would gaze sombrely into some remembered pit of hell and describe in a soulless monotone scenes of depravity and horror to make Dante squirm. When not strolling through the worlds 'trouble spots' he dabbled in fashion work. Something that amused and delighted him.

He had a critical and unusual sense of what would work. If they had something that fitted he got a job or two when around. His style did not lend itself to all comers but was great when fitted to a designer or campaign that needed a gritty journalistic look. Andy had worked with him twice. Once as a junior up and comer and several years later as head of creative. They had become friends. Here he was again, the three bags on the floor confirmed her guess that he had come straight from the airport. Typical.

With an amused glint in her eye she gently disentangled herself, "Excuse me Mr McNeil, I'll see if that pipsqueak, ah, Mr Williams is available. One moment."
As Andie walked across to Jen his gaze drifted speculatively to several of the women in the room. It was returned with equal interest from more than one.

"Jennifer, Mr McNeil is looking for Andrew. Is he about?"

Suppressing a smile, "Oh, I believe he is over with Gale discussing that new campaign. I'll buzz him if you like, Andrea."

"Thank you. Would you please?" The background snickers had begun and wide smiles adorned every face. Jen pretended to talk into the phone while watching Andie, as she delivered lunch orders, and Jonathon. A moment later Andie spun about and with a pronounced seductive strut walked across, linked arms with Jonathon and led him across the room.

"I'm sorry Mr Williams is tied up for a while. He asked if you would wait in his office. He won't be long." The background laughter got slightly louder and Jen and Andies smiles got wider.

"Jen would you buzz Gale and let her know who I've got here?"

"Sure thing boss."

"Come on big boy. Let's have a cup of tea and chat shall we."

The laughter increased and Jonathon began to realise he was the butt of some private joke. Suddenly he stopped and looking at Jen, "Boss?"
His expression darkened then swivelled between Jen and Andie as the laughter got louder. His eyes narrowed as he looked closely at Andie then a slightly embarrassed smile crept across his features.

" Damn. Dirty pool Andy, uh, Andrea was it. You could have said something."

"Now where's the fun in that stud. Come on in and lets talk. Would you like a tea or coffee? And Andie is fine Jonathon."

With a sharp glint suddenly hitting his eyes he jumped forward and lifting Andie swept her off her feet and bending her slightly backwards proceeded to kiss the creative director deeply and thoroughly. Probably a minute later both were back upright and slightly flushed.

" Ah, sorry Andy I shouldn't have done that. Oh hell. Yes I should, that was fun and most enjoyable. One all I'd say. Wouldn't you old thing?"

Still blushing slightly Andie straightened herself.

"Well, um, I will say your reputation is well earned." That brought the chuckles up to full laughter.

"Yes, definitely one all. But not so much of the 'old thing', speak for yourself eh Jonathon. Come on in, let's talk."

They chatted as Andie made coffee for both and then settled, "Straight black? Ick. You don't mind if I eat do you?"

" Not at all, go ahead." A shrug and soft snort, " Well, you hang about with military types for any amount of time you can learn to drink mud. This is ambrosia by comparison. So tell me... ", he waved in Andies general direction with a quizzical expression on his face.

"Um. Long story. Suffice to say I'm happier and more comfortable with myself now. After a bit of pain both emotional and physical I arrived at the simple conclusion that this is me, more so than before. I am, in simple terms, no longer fighting myself. And people tell me I'm more ah, centred."

With a thoughtful nod Jonathon looked her up and down and smiled. "Yes that sounds about right for the short version. The old Andy would never have pulled the equivalent of that stunt before. Nor accepted the riposte in like manner."

He rose and with a slight bow offered his hand, "Pleased to meet you Andrea my dear." He lightly kissed the proffered hand raising another blush and with a gentle smirk, " The cutie remark stands by the way. I would be more than happy to become friends with Andrea. Perhaps dinner and the long version. I find this fascinating and more than a touch intriguing. You challenge my masculine ego. I liked Andy and I think I will like Andrea even more. So a dress up dinner, soon?"

With a small, slightly bemused smile and a light blush," Yes I would enjoy that. But you must know I'm spoken for. My lady love might object to some jet-setting playboy getting fresh with her girl."

"Ah well. Perhaps all the more reason to introduce the debutante to the feminine pleasure of a gentleman suitor and escort to fashionable eateries and au courant venues about town."

Andies laugh was full but gentle. "You are an absolutely incorrigible misogynist rogue. Dinner is a nice thought. Any more and I think Shelley would insist on escorting me at least. Push too hard and she might remove pieces of your anatomy you would probably miss."

He laughed loudly and quickly, "Shelley sounds like a fun girl. I will look forward to meeting her." Rubbing his hands he gazed speculatively at Andie until she looked down. The slight smirk was missed by her and gone as she looked back.

"Oh yes. I will enjoy meeting Shelley. I like a challenge and competition adds spice to the quest. Now, to business. Anything in the works over the next month or so that I can save for you?"

With a soft mumble, just loud enough to be heard, and a gentle smile, "Arrogant bastard."

Then back to normal level," Gale should be across shortly. I'm sure we'll work something out for your inestimable talents to salvage for the mere mortals that toil in cringing awe of your august presence."

Laughing as he shook his head slightly, " Oh very good Andrea. I will enjoy seeking the key to milady's most generous heart."

The banter continued back and forth as Andie ate her lunch. Ten minutes later Gale walked in with a brisk, "Hello John. We may just have a possible Andie."
Forty five minutes later they had a rough idea of what would work and how to make use of the sudden arrival of John McNeil; "Jonathon, if you don't mind."

"Ok Andie, that sounds like a plan. I'll sick Cath on them and we'll have the account by weeks end. Then what, 10 days to a probable 4 shoots?"

"Yes, that will work. Talk to you later about the details Gale. I'll get Dave and Linda to work up a rough outline for Cath to take with her. Tomorrow lunch be soon enough? ... Ok good. Once we have the go ahead a full game plan will be ready by Tuesday next, with a probable 'go live' Thursday or Friday as long as we can get permits for any outside shoots. Yes should be good."

Gale nodded to both. "I'll leave Andie to work out the details. She can be the liaison to you John, sorry, Jonathon. See you next week. ...Andie."

"So Jonathon now that you've disrupted my next 2 weeks I need to get to work. Where are you staying so I can get in touch?"

"Well actually old thing...I don't have a place sorted until the weekend. I'll grab a motel or something and let you know. Is there anywhere close?"

"Well, we have a couple of spare rooms at home. You could stay with Shel and me for a few days. I know she'll just love you. Obnoxious macho photographers are a personal favourite."

"That sounds too delectable to pass up. I will be delighted to meet the 'lady love' of my transient employer ...thank you Andie. I will do my best to contain my more indelicate masculine tendencies. I am sure two lovely examples of the gentler sex will have a civilising influence on this unreconstructed misogynist. Just one thing love. Where do you live, hmmm?"

Chuckling Andie pushed over a card and 2 keys, "That's the address, fat key is the security lock. Smaller key is our door. I'll get a message to Shelley so you don't stumble over each other if she gets back before me. I'll be along about 7, 7.30. I have a reunion with an old friend. Make yourself at home, there should be food enough if you're hungry. Spare room has the Doisneau print on the wall. We'll talk later. Now buzz off so I can get started on this campaign of yours. Old Thing."

"Thanks ducky. But don't hurry on my account. I'll probably crash for about 5 hours. A 15 hour flight does tend to tax the old stamina. But a revue by you and Shelley will see me right in no time. Good hosts as I'm sure you are. Revive a tired old man in no time." The innocent expression was ruined just a little by his bouncing up and down in his seat.

Gently shaking her head Andie sighed melodramatically, " Jonathon, Jonathon. At your advanced age and obviously weakened condition it would be too much for you. We would be remiss if we allowed such a thing. No, for your own good such displays will remain private."

"Ah. I'll just have to work on it then. Righto I'll be off. Talk to you tonight Andie." With a loud chuckle he headed for the door.

Head shaking gently and a small smile fighting not to grow Andie called in Dave, Linda and Jen. She picked up her mobile and dialled Shelley's number, started plotting rough outlines and likely phone calls as it rang. "Hi hon, guess what..."

The afternoon drifted as her thoughts wandered. Good and bad memories from High School, Cassie and Rob and others.... Then Jonathon, from their first meeting through to today and ..that kiss. She could feel the blush ..again. Back and forth. Laughing silently she acknowledged that she had gone as far as she could at the moment. A quick check on Dave and Linda's progress and then bid good night.

"Everything on track? Great, thanks guys. See you tomorrow."

Time to catch up with an old friend.

She parked next to the corner and walked into the shop. Cassie was wearing an old men's business shirt and baseball cap as she rolled paint up a wall. By the look of it part of that one and then another she would be finished. The radio playing classic hits had masked the sound of her entrance and Andie watched for a minute as Cass casually but skilfully applied the paint finishing the last couple of metres.

"Very stylish Cass. Pale green freckles go with your hair."

She jumped slightly at the unexpected interruption, then poked her tongue out as she recognised the source. "Oh Ha Ha. And it's 'forest verdure' I'll have you know. Pale green indeed! The very idea. This is, well it will be, a stylish establishment. Artistic floral arrangements of class and distinction. No common mucky greens that's for sure."

Both were laughing, "Oh excuuuse me. Please forgive this ignorant peasant. Do you need a hand with anything or will I wander down and grab a couple of coffees each, something to nibble as well if you like."

"Thanks Andie. I'll just do this last wall in, pale green, and then we can sip and catch up. About half an hour. Just coffee would be great."

Cass was just scrubbing some paint off her face as Andie returned with the coffees. She turned and watched the other woman as she deposited them on the counter top, pulled two and put two next to the microwave. Then dropped a pile of sugars and stirrers.

"Coffee's up. So Cass how do you come to be here, it's been almost 9 years. It was a pleasant shock to see you this morning."

"You got a shock! Huh, a strange woman suddenly announces herself and then I realise it's a guy I knew at school." She got pensive for a second," You know that thing with me, Rob and you started as bit of a joke. You were always alone and we thought it would be fun to get you out with us. The 'girl' thing started as a bet between us that you wouldn't do it. We were just seeing where it would go but it became more than that. For all of us I guess. I hope you're happy. We both liked, like, you a lot. You seem good, are you?"

"Yes, on the whole I'm good. I have a job I love, a few friends and a woman I share with that I love and who loves me. Things could be a lot worse." This last said with a big smile and a slight shrug.

"Woman huh. So little Andie's a lez now. Well whatever makes you happy. I'm glad for you."

"So Cass, the shop?"

" Oh. Well you remember Col, the school tough guy?"

Andie nodded, she did indeed remember him, a slight frown crossed her face.

"Ah, sorry, you weren't particularly friendly were you? Anyway, a year out of school we hooked up and married a year later. No kids thank god. He turned all hard arse businessman. Ended up with 5 lighting shops. Doing pretty well. But didn't care about anything else..."

She shrugged, "Anyway I found out he was messing about, so... we split. He settled and I got one of the shops. Sold it back to him at a good price and..."

With a theatrical wave, " This is mine. I worked in a florist through high school, learned the ropes and did an evening business course to learn to run things. So I guess I'll find out if I can now."

Andie laughed, " I'm sure you'll do fine Cass. You always were a go-getter. You'll be a flower mogul in no time I bet." They both laughed at that, sat in restful silence for a minute and sipped coffee.

After a minute Andie roused, " So what's Rob up to these days? I assume you guys keep in touch. You were inseparable at school, but that could have changed. From what you said this morning though you do keep up..."

"Yep, sure do. We're still best friends. She got married a few years back. Kevin's a lovely guy. Dotes on her something fierce, lucky cow. She's 6 months along with their first. They're both glowing with pride and health, it's sickening!" She laughed loudly and Andie chuckled. "Anyway a little girl will be along in a few months time, everything looks good, they can't wait. She drags me along shopping for baby clothes and strollers and... Aarrrrggghhh. It's just sad to see." The smile took the edge off her words.

Andie smiled at the wistful expression on Cass' face. "Methinks my lady protests a little too much."

"Yeah ok. I'm jealous. If she wasn't my best friend I'd push her under a bus or something just to wipe that silly grin off her face. Nobody deserves to be that happy, it's just not right. Actually I'm thrilled for both of them, they deserve it. Kevin's a mechanic and specialises in re-conditioning older cars. Owns his own shop and has 5 guys working for him. Doing pretty well. Rob does the books and plays secretary. It's a happy little family. All the guys are great and would kill for Kev or Rob. Sigh... I'll just mope for a minute Ok."

They both laughed again and chatted for an hour sitting on the floor on a rolled up drop cloth. Re-heated the 2 remaining coffees and sipped as they bounced thoughts and histories back and forth. A little after 7 they called a halt and as Cass checked the rear door and switched off lights, Andie cleaned up the coffee stuff and dumped it in the bag against the counter. They hugged tight for a minute and agreed to hook up for a big dinner in the next few weeks, all five of them. As she locked the front door Andie beeped the car door locks.

"Ooohh, an Audi, nice. You are doing Ok aren't you? My old Golf is around back. Mind you after Kevin did a job on it, it looks and drives better than new." They hugged and kissed again and waved as they parted.

'Ok let's get home and see if Shel and Jonathon have killed each other yet.' She smiled softly as the car started.

2. Possibilities

"Hey hon." Andie dropped her keys and bag on the corner table and gave Shelley a quick hug and a light kiss. Smiling she looked at the papers Shel was reading through, she raised an eyebrow in question. "That looks official, light reading before supper?"

Shelley rolled her eyes and grinned, "Wouldn't say light, but official, yep. It's the business proposal for the lingerie shop. Only a couple of other girls want in now so it's grown to a string of 4 instead of 1. This is the outline of separation and interaction. Who controls what, breakdowns of probable expenses and projected returns. All being well if we all sign on the dotted line things will be running and in the black by mid-year. Necessary reading, but, ...ughh, pretty dry stuff. There's a stir-fry simmering and a bottle of Verdelho open if you want one. I'll go a refill."

She stretched and stood, "So how was it meeting your old school friend? From what you've said in the past, must have been some mixed emotions. Reminiscing is not always pleasant." She pushed her open fingers into the hair at Andies right temple, gently brushed outward and then cupped her cheek as she kissed he lover gently on the left. "You seem happy so I guess it was fine, I'm glad. So tell me everything." She wrapped her arm around Andies waist and led the way to the kitchen.

As Andie checked the dinner Shelley poured herself a refill, grabbed a glass and poured another. They stood leaning against the kitchen bench sipped and tasted.

"I take it our hero is sleeping. Have you met yet? He's an, um, interesting guy."

"Nope not a peep. Well he cried out once about an hour ago but nothing since. A bad dream I guess. I suppose he's seen a few things that might cause those from what you told me. We need to restock on cheese and crackers, but otherwise I wouldn't know he was here."

She smirked and poked Andie in the ribs, "An interesting guy huh. Lookin' for a little boy on girl action hon? Try the other side as it were. Only if I get to watch." They both laughed but a slightly pensive mood settled very quickly.

Shelley cocked her head to the side and looked closely at Andie. "Seriously hon. If you are attracted to him and want to, ah, see. I, well, I won't say I wouldn't mind 'cause I will, But as I've said before. If you need to find out...Hell, just talk to me and we'll work it through."

Andie flashed back on the morning as Jonathon had kissed her. She flushed and saw the slightly sad smile flick across Shelley's face. "Shelley... I don't know. We were joking around this morning and well, he kissed me. It felt great. Different, but great. I can't imagine happily ever after, I love, am in love with you. But..."

"Shhshh... hey it's ok. Even if you wanted to, you can't hide your feelings. You liked the guy when you were Andy. Now there's a whole other dimension added. One you have never explored. Maybe to be complete you need to. He's here for the next 4 days so we'll see where it goes. As long as we're honest it will be fine." The gentle words and accompanying hug masked the flicker of fear in Shelley's eyes.

" I better finish reading, then you can fill me in on Cass and co." She headed out before Andie caught her expression.

"Ok. I'll get the rice on, about twenty minutes." She bustled about and then set the table for 3. A tickle of fear and anticipation flicking through her thoughts.

They sat and ate. Chatted about the 'reunion', past events and current histories. The get together dinner plans. Shelley's business plans. Jonathon did not get a mention. They were sitting curled together on the lounge when a cough brought their attention to the man in the lounge entrance.

"Evening ladies, sorry to intrude. I suppose I was a tad more tired than I thought." He ran his fingers through his hair and stretched. Extending his hand he walked across the room. "You must be Shelley. Delighted to meet you." Shelley disentangled herself and reached to him, he clasped her fingers and kissed the back of her hand, nodded to Andie, "You've done well here Andie, thank you both for having me in your home."

Andie stood, "There's some Thai style chicken and rice if you fancy anything. A glass of wine?"

He nodded, "Thank you to both, that would be lovely."

As Andie busied herself, Shelley tried to size up their guest. Tall and trim. At a glance you could think 'foppish Englishman'. But his ease of movement and alert eyes showed he was tougher and fitter than that. She thought she might like him as well. 'Did that hurt or help as things stood?' with a silent sigh she rose to sit at the table and chat as he ate. They all sipped their wine and 'politely conversed'.

As Andie went to the kitchen to rinse the bowl and get the bottle he smiled at Shelley and nodding to the kitchen, "You may be right about my intentions. But even if I succeed she will still be here with you after I'm gone again. Don't make more of it than it is. She's curious and scared, a little like a 16 year old girl. If it goes anywhere at all I will treat her well. You have my word. I liked Andy and I like Andrea even more. I don't want to be your enemy. Or damage what you have. If you'd rather I leave, I will."

She gazed into his eyes and shook her head a fraction, "No. That would solve nothing. It has to be her choice, either way. I hope you're right, you probably are. But..."

Further discussion was switched to the business plan as Andie came back into the room. She glanced from one to the other and seemed satisfied they were getting on.

Topics ranged from Shelley's recent assignments to Andies current projects and Jonathon's wanderings. Global politics, economics and religion got a mention. Sexuality and the intermingling currents that flitted about the table did not.

As they rose to retire Jonathon asked if anyone would mind if he had a quick shower. Shelley responded that the end bathroom was 'his' for the moment, that they shared an en-suite. With a nod of thanks he addressed Andie, "I know you run in the mornings. Do you mind if I join you? I need to stretch a little."

"Sure, see you at 6." They both smiled and shook their heads at Shelley's groan of incomprehension.

"Mad the pair of you." She rolled her eyes and taking Andies hand, "Come on hon. Five hours is short enough before you go running off with this maniac. Night Jonathon."

"Night, Jonathon."

"Goodnight ladies, see you tomorrow."

Andie began to strip as Shelley cleansed her face, tucking her hair under a cap she walked into the bathroom. Her eyes met Shels in the mirror and the faint edge of pain?, fear?, could be seen. Wrapping her arms around the others waist she kissed the side of her neck gently.

"Don't worry hon. You are all I need or want. I like Jonathon, but I don't need to sleep with him."

Shelley stood silent as she finished wiping the cream form her face. Turning in the embrace she gently cupped Andies face and kissed her lips tenderly.

"Andie, I love you. I don't want to share you. But it has always seemed to me that you need to, at least once, try things from the hetero side as it applies now. That has to be your decision, but don't toss away the possibility just because I might hurt a little. We are stronger than that. A quickie with a mad photojournalist won't destroy it. Let your feelings guide you. Whatever you choose I will be here for you always. Now come on a quick rinse off and then snuggle up time, for a few hours anyway." The roll of the eyes and gentle smack lightened the mood as they stepped into the shower.

A few minutes later Shel was pulling on soft drawstring pants and cotton cami as Andie pulled the silk top and loose leg knickers to match. Flicking off the lights they cuddled up and kissed goodnight. Each had thoughts turning around the same subject. The perspective was however somewhat different.

The alarm buzzed softly at 5.55. Andie slapped it off and slid out of bed stripping her bedclothes off as she moved to the bathroom. Tied her hair in a loose plait, pulled on the sport bra and brief, light track pants ankle socks and running shoes. Tied the keys in the drawstring. Shelley was watching as she came back in. The look on her face almost made Andie go back to bed. The slight shake of the blonde head as she turned away set her back on track. A quick glass of multi V and a few gentle stretches to loosen the muscles. A soft scuff caused her to turn as Jonathon walked into the kitchen. Close fitting sleeveless grey T and light navy track pants over runners. His lean athletic build was obvious.

'Not bad for a 42 year old she thought.' She waved the bottle as he shook his head.

With a gentle half smile, "Shall we my lady, the road awaits." Smiling in return Andie lead the way as they headed out the door.

The route was a nice 6k mish-mash of hills, dips, flats, stairs and gentle up and down slopes. As he didn't know it Jonathon kept with Andie and gently pushed her pace. No doubt about it she thought, he was fit. Hardly sweating or breathing heavy after a run that usually pushed gently at her limits. He might be more than ten years older but she had to admit he was definitely fitter. With a nice feminine glow she entered the foyer. Glow hell, she was sweating like a pig. He was lightly damp, centre chest and underarms.

'Insufferable bastard'.

They headed for the showers as Shelley chuckled at their appearance and smiled beatifically, sipping coffee, as they dribbled past. Half an hour later they sat and chatted as muffins, juice and coffee was consumed. Andie readied herself for work. Shelley got ready for agent and accountant meetings. Jonathon had editor and agent meetings set up. As they all headed out Andie and Shelley kissed lightly and said their goodbyes.

Jonathon stopped and kissing Andie, "See you later cutie." Shelley just watched silently as Andie blushed and Jonathon smirked.

They all headed out. Each with vastly different images and possibilities in their head.

3. Potential

With her thoughts running in circles Andie's day seemed to take longer than normal. The proposal for Cath was passed along to Gale and she was confident it would do the job. Dave and Linda had done a great job as usual. A little real world tweaking as circumstance dictated and it would work well. Jonathon would have fun she was sure. She smiled picturing his reaction as the theme of beauty and style, amidst urban decay and social degeneracy was laid out. Slavering street toughs befuddled by the vision of classical elegance strutting through their midst. He would laugh delightedly she was sure, as he pointed out the unreal nature of their constructed scenes.

The feel of his kiss kept interposing itself into her thoughts as Shelley's words, belied by the pain in her eyes, drifted over and around. 'Did she want him. And if so what would that mean, now and later. Particularly if she followed where he would lead.' Confused and uncertain she volunteered for the sandwich order again, just to get out and clear her head and to stop in on Cass to see how things were progressing.

She stood and watched as a sign writer did a lovely design of vines and flowers intertwined around the name of, 'Cassandra, Floral Artistry', leaving a space in the centre to highlight a stand with a large vase sitting to show of the arrangement du jour. At least it would she guessed. 'Must be tricky doing that in reverse on the inside of the window'. She went in and called to Cass, who emerged from a small side room.

"Hey Andie. Just getting the cool room fitted out. Then some lighting...and.. hey presto, as soon as I get some stock in tomorrow I'll be up and running."

"That's great Cass. It all looks good. That window is fabulous. Nervous?"

"Hmmm a little, but more excited. This is mine. Not a shared thing or under someone's wing. All mine. I have a young girl starting on the Saturday and then a few afternoons after school, much as I did way back when. I feel all grown up and adult." She laughed and gave Andie a quick hug.

"Now all I have to do is get some customers. I have a few possibles lined up. So.." She shrugged but the smile didn't diminish at all.

She looked at Andie and frowned, "Are you ok? You look a little put upon."

Andie shrugged, " I'm ok. Just got a few things on my mind. I'm really pleased for you Cass. I'm on the lunch run again so I better go. I'll check in later today and see how it's going. See you then." They hugged and Andie headed off.

Cass watched for a moment as she left, 'something was bothering her.' Sighing slightly she turned to an electrician seeking her attention.

As she packed the sandwiches and checked the order Berth looked at Andie, "Tough day?"

"Hmm, sorry I was miles away?"

"I asked if you were having a tough day, you seem a little distracted."

"Oh. Yes we have a few things going on and I'm trying to juggle things and keep all the balls in the air. I'm having a little trouble."

"Never mind lovey. You'll sort it out I'm sure. You seem like a smart girl, if he's worth it, make up. If not say goodbye and find someone better." She had a smile on her face as she nodded to herself over her sage advice and placed the sandwiches in the basket.

Andie laughed slightly, " That transparent am I?"

"No hon. It's just that it's usually men that give us girls expressions like you're wearing. Old Beth's been around a while. It'll all work out though, you'll see."

Shaking her head but smiling at the same time, Andie paid up and bid Beth good-day. Her thoughts were still no clearer as to what she wanted. 'Ah well give it time. I'll work it out'. Chuckling to herself at echoing Beth she walked back to the office.

She played delivery girl and handed out lunch, then headed to her office. Jen talking on the phone gave a sharp sideways nod toward the door. Andie looked closer and could see Jonathon's head beyond the glass. Nodding thanks to Jen she went in.

"Hello Jonathon, checking up on us peasants?"

"Thought I'd take you to lunch old thing. But I see I'm too late. Ah well. So dinner tomorrow night then?"

"Yes that would be nice, thank you. By the way this is the outline we've worked out for next week. Have a quick look and see what you think. It should be right up your street. Don't laugh too much." She handed a folder across and he started flicking through as she ate.

Between mouthfuls she watched his expression as he skimmed the storyboard and matched the rough drawings to the outline. She could see a half smile and the gentle amusement in his eyes.

After about 5 minutes he dropped it on the edge of her desk and smiled widely, "Looks like fun Andie. Three afternoons. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday next week. You have the location set up I assume?"

"We have a place in mind that will work well. It will be confirmed, probably tomorrow. Then once we have the go ahead from Cath that she has a signature, everything will be finalised early next week. We'll be all ready for you don't worry."

"Oh I wasn't worried old thing. I have complete faith in you and your team here. It will be just as you say, I'm sure. I look forward to it. Even more to tomorrow night." He stood to leave.

"Must go, people to catch up with. I'll see you this evening then Andie." A small salute and he was gone.

Andie got up and headed out also, "Jen, just ducking across to see Gale. Be about 10."

"Sure thing Boss."

Andie knocked lightly on Gales door and as there was no one there headed straight in. She sat and waited for a minute as Gale finished reading the document she had open in front of her.

Waving it gently, "This is the proposal outline for Dave Watson, it looks good take it with you and get back to me with any thoughts. What can I do for you Andie?"

"Well Gale, you were saying a week or so back that the flowers we have in the foyers always look the same and that it might be time to try a different supplier. A friend of mine has just opened up down the block. I thought we could give her a shot and see how it goes. If you're happy and she wants it... well a win all round." Shrugging slightly she smiled as Gale nodded to herself.

"Is that the corner shop just up from the deli?"

"Yep that's the one. Her name's Cassie Davis, a smart, tough and sassy little redhead. You'll like her."

With a smile Gale nodded to Andie, "Ok. I'll go down and see her. We'll work something out and then if all goes well she has the account. Any friend of yours... Oldham's are getting stale, aren't they? Every one for the last 6 months has looked the same. For 2 displays, twice a week at 80 dollars each they don't seem to try too hard."

"Thanks Gale. She'll be all set up by tomorrow afternoon. So any time after that would be good. She's got a good eye. Between the two of you, our entrance ways will be looking much better, I'm sure."

They chatted for several minutes about upcoming and current work. Andie thanked her again and headed back to her office.

As far as work afternoons went this one was not especially productive. Time dragged and her thoughts wandered constantly. Not normally being a daydreamer made this more frustrating than it might otherwise be. Eventually, an hour after everyone else had left Andie packed it in. Sighing, she hit the lights and locking the door headed home.

Shelley was there with papers spread all over the study floor and desk. Andie quietly observed her for a minute as she read through a page. A small furrow on her brow showed her concentration. Leaning over and typing from a standing position, hit the print button and placed the new sheet into the stack, gathered everything together, shuffled and tapping it on the desk dropped it carefully into place and stretched backwards with a sigh. She caught sight of Andie and turned with a smile, "Hey hon, how was your day?"

Smiling widely Andie leant into a quick kiss. "Pretty good. How long have you been at that? You look like you've been wrestling something."

"Hmm. Close enough. Just my ideas for the final business proposal. It's only taken 5 hours. I intend to be in control of all 4 stores. The other girls can be silent partners. To be honest I can't see any of them getting very involved. The idea of it sounds good to them right now but I'm pretty sure that will fade as the reality of 'managing' sets in. I don't want it to fail due to lack of commitment."

She shrugged slightly and smiled at Andie, " This is for the legal types to turn into the appropriate words and semi-meaningless mumbo jumbo so I can pass it on to the others. All being well it should be done by the end of next week. Then, I start giving Elle McPherson a run for her money." They both laughed at that.

"Ok, maybe not. But it should work out. Just reading through that lot will give the others headaches. They'll all take the smaller percentage to avoid the paperwork. Minimal work at a distance will suit them better I'm sure."

Chuckling Andie shook her head gently, "My girl the business woman. Definite management material. I'm just the crash test dummy. Or is that lingerie Barbie. And here I thought you cared. Now I discover it's just a scheme to take over the
lingerie business. First the city then the state, then the worrrllldd."

Plucking open her blouse she exposed her bra, mock sobbing, "..these, I thought you cared. But they're just freebies aren't they. Easy to give away when they cost nothing. I'm just a stepping-stone on the way to your dynasty. I mean destiny."

They were both laughing as Shelley gently cupped one breast and squeezed softly, in a deep voice, "Ah my dear, 'twas inevitable. You are sweet but you don't fit with my future plans. I need a woman of style and elegance to match my status. Not an unworldly child."

Andie dropped to her knees, "Oh Shelley please don't abandon me. I love you, I, sniffle, sniffle, love you!" she hugged Shelley's legs as they both toppled slowly to the floor laughing.

"Ahem."

They both looked up with a mixture of amusement and embarrassment to see Jonathon standing in the doorway. His gaze took them both in with perhaps a little more attention to Andies open blouse and Shelley's hand still cupping the lace-covered breast.

Shelley and Jonathon both laughed as Andie blushed and fumbled to button her blouse.

"Don't do that on my account old thing, it doesn't bother me a bit." Both Shelley and Jonathon laughed again as Andies blush deepened.

"Insensitive brutes. Both of you", sniffed Andie in mock outrage.

Jonathon smirked and waved his hand airily, "I see you two are, um, busy. So I shall attend to the evening meal. I will call you to the table in about 1 hour. With your permission madams." He mimed a cloth over his forearm like an old fashioned butler and bowed deeply, straightened and walked stiffly upright to the kitchen.

Andie and Shelley both laughed and kissed each other gently. Taking Shels hand, "Give me a run through on the proposal hon. It seems we have an hour or so till dinner."

"Ok, but let's get a drink first. It's pretty dry stuff." She headed to the kitchen and checking red or white with the chef, selected, decanted and poured 3 glasses of French cabernet leaving a second bottle open to breathe. Jonathon hummed away to himself as Shelley returned to the study with 2 and clinking glasses they sat to run through the alternative proposal.

One hour and fifteen minutes later Jonathon appeared in the doorway wearing a tailored linen jacket in soft charcoal, a bow tie tied around his neck and a scruffy almost white t-shirt underneath over jeans and soft moccasins. Bowing he announced, "Madame, Madame, your dinner is served."

He led them to the table where 3 place settings were laid, set for three courses. He seated the ladies with appropriate courtesy. Then returned to the kitchen carrying 3 bowls with practiced skill, "The first course, a light beef consommé. Regrettably I was unable to fully prepare so the finest 'can' money can buy."

They smiled and tucked in as Jonathon sat and slurped loudly. Chatting easily when all had finished he rose and cleared the plates, returning a few minutes later with 3 plates on which lay, "..slightly braised fillets of grain fed beef", followed by bowls of, "sautéed potato's and pan fried spinach" and a small tureen of, "a light French onion gravy".

All three tucked in energetically, with approving comments from both women to the chef. He nodded graciously as it was of course his due. The final course was a soft peach sorbet, also the finest, packet in this case, money could buy. As a final top it off gesture he cleared the table and brought in fresh coffee and almond biscuits, stretched out as he slumped down in his chair and grinned as he burped quietly. The obvious acting out raised a laugh from all three.

Shelley raised her glass and toasted the chef as Andie seconded and reciprocated.

"Thank you Shelley, Andie, it was the least I could do for putting up, I mean putting me up, for a few days." His smile and twinkling eyes made it clear the slip was deliberate and meant in a semi serious, self-mocking way.

" So Andie are we still on for dinner tomorrow, I hope you don't mind me stealing your girl for the evening Shelley, but I was promised a dinner in return for saving her lovely neck at work."

Andie blushed and laughed gently so she missed the small frown that flitted across Shelley's face. Jonathon did not and raised his eyebrows in a silent question, to which Shelley gave a quick small shake of her head.

"Sorry hon, this, gentleman, ambushed me at work today and held a gun to my head to get me to agree to tomorrow night. Sorry we got sidetracked earlier, you don't mind do you?" She was smiling as she turned to Shelley, but it slipped a little as she caught a hint of, what, anger, in her face.

"No, of course I don't mind. I have plenty to still work out with the proposal and location leases and ...well. Don't worry about it." She tried to smile and appear nonchalant, but from the look on Andies face it wasn't totally convincing. "Seriously hon, it's fine. Just be home by midnight young lady."

The mood seemingly lightened they all switched to the lounge room where light music and pleasant conversation filled the time until they all called it a night.

4. Equilibrium

That morning Jonathon had asked her to be ready by 7 for a 'slap up dinner and perhaps a little flirty dancing', which she took to mean expensive meal, semi formal and an upper class club after, where he would do his best to lead her astray.

That thought, or train of thought, kept intruding itself all day. To make matters worse, like a nervous teenager she kept a running 'plot line' of possible scenario's of would he or wouldn't he and would she or wouldn't she. Then there was what to wear.

Damn him. She would get back to work and everything would be fine for a while, then her thoughts would wander and it would start all over again.

After a few hours Jen came in and sitting, "Ok Andie, what's up. You've been like a, ...hell I don't know, but you're driving me nuts. So what gives huh?"

Blushing slightly she blew out gently and outlined the 'problem'. Jen listened and tried to keep a straight face as her boss and friend laid out the dilemma she faced. To her credit she managed not to laugh, much.

"Dear oh dear, boss. Dinner with Jonathon. Wining and dining and dancing and romancing. Half the girls here would perform voodoo rituals to get an evening with him. But you.." , the laugh broke for a second as a muffled giggle.

"Um, sorry but you should just go and enjoy. He is a bit of a dish. I know you lack a little in the, ah, dating experience stakes, but he won't push too far. At least at first." She almost smothered another laugh.

"Oh fine. Just laugh then. Go on let it out." Jen just held her breath and shook her head from side to side with a pained expression.

Sighing Andie looked heavenwards and muttered, "why me?"

After a few minutes Jen got herself under control, "Sorry Andie it's just a little funny seeing a grown woman acting like a nervous kid. Though I can see the funny side I know it must be a little tough for you having never done this sort of thing from the girl side. In a way you are a kid at this. But you can handle it I'm sure. Just go with your feelings and trust yourself and Jonathon. He is not a slimy playboy although he does play it up just a bit. He likes you so I doubt he'll pull anything too underhand, but he probably will push a little." She grinned wickedly, " It's all part of the fun after all. So what's the problem beyond that... ...Shelley?"

"Yes I suppose. She says it's fine, go out and then if I want to...well you know. She will be ok. But I don't think she is ok with the idea. And I'm nervous as hell about things. If it feels right to, as you say go with the feeling, it's like all decisions. There's an up and a down. Or a left and a right and I'm standing in the middle looking first one way then the other and trying to balance myself." She shrugged and looked a little lost.

"I don't know what to tell you. I guess you have to believe that Shel can handle it if you spend a night with Jonathon. If you feel you want or need to do that I suppose it puts a bit of pressure on things. I've known her a while, she's pretty tough. But that is a hard one to deal with. She has thanked me several times for getting you two together. I didn't really do anything but she thinks I did. Quote, 'I owe you one Jen. I really love Andie and it's down to you for getting us together', end quote. So it might hurt her a bit, but if she says she can deal. I guess you have to trust your instincts and her."

"Oh gee, thanks so much Jen. That makes it all so much clearer."

"Well, not trying to be cold, but it comes down to what's right for you. If you need to try being a woman with a man, then that's what you need to do. If you and Shel are meant to be, you two will survive. If not. Well..." she shrugged and looked straight at Andie, "..a bit selfish maybe. But you have to be true to you first. Then look to those you love. If they do, they will accept. Here endeth the lesson." She smiled and took Andies hand, "Trust yourself you'll be fine." With a gentle squeeze she turned and went back to work.

Andie sat and stared into space for a minute, sighed deeply, "Shit." Mentally shaking herself, she tried to concentrate on work.

Boiling kettles or watched clocks, neither one does like it aught to. Rampant distracting thoughts. At 4.30 Andie gave up in disgust and checking a few details left for the day. Not that that helped much. The damn things just followed.

As the door swung shut behind her Shelley appeared from the study, "Hey hon, you're home early." Then with a sharp squint, "Are you okay, you look, flustered I suppose?"

With an exasperated sigh and a toss of bag to chair, "Oh I don't know. This whole thing with Jonathon has me all on edge. Dinner when he first asked seemed natural and nice. Now, it seems as though everyone has a different expectation as to who I am and how I should behave." She looked hard at Shelley, "We are in a relationship, yes? ...yet you seem to almost want me to go with Jonathon to, I don't know, complete my education as a woman or something. Sleep with him so I'll know how sweet and nice it is with a woman as opposed to a rough crude man." Andie paced back and forth as Shelley watched, torn between worry and amusement.

"Andie hon. I love you and want you here with me. But I think you need to explore your feelings for Jonathon or men in general. I've been there and done that, before we met. But you have only Kate and me to compare. One as a man, the other as a woman. It is not the same." She sighed and grabbed Andie in a gentle hug as her pacing brought her close. "Look hon, I am not thrilled to think about you and him...but I can see the conflict in you. It needs to be brought out and looked at. Then, if us is what you want; really want, you and I can go forward. Once you can truly make that choice knowing the alternative." The close hug and soft words masked the frown and glimmer of fear in Shelley's eyes.

"Go on. Go and get ready. Have a nice meal and a dance or two and come home and talk to me. Whatever time I'll be awake."

That got a wry grin, "Ok mum. I'll be a good girl for my date. You don't have to wait up." She just managed to dance away as the swat to her rear flashed past with a swish and a chuckle.

Had she looked back the look on Shels face would have stopped her cold. Pain and fear plainly evident.

A long hot shower to ease the tension and then decision time as she gazed into her closet. She half heard the greeting in the other room as Jonathon got 'home' and after a few pleasantries went to change. After choosing her dress and add-ons she sat to 'get ready'. Twenty minutes later she emerged, silk navy blue halter dress with smoky hose and navy stiletto sandals, matching clutch and pashmina draped over her arm. Jonathon stood and clapped twice softly.

Shelley looked her up and down, "Nice hon. You'd better go soon or I'll drag you back to the bedroom and make you forget dinner." Andie blushed as Shel and Jonathon laughed.

"Ah Andie, you look lovely. But I have no objection to Shelley's suggestion as long as I get to watch." The rapid up and down eyebrows caused a laugh as the words increased her blush. Shelley smiled ruefully as she laughed as well.

Taking a deep breath Andie tossed the keys to the Audi to Jonathon, "Ok stud. Lets do this right. Outside, wait a minute, then knock. You can act all dazzled and grateful when I open the door. Then I'm all yours for the evening." As the double meaning sank in she blushed again, as Jonathon laughed heading out the door and Shelley groaned and went into the kitchen. The knock on the door caused a flutter of nervousness. She greeted her date and Shelley waved them out with a, "Have a nice time. I'll go down the road to eat. See you two later."

Jonathon was the perfect gentleman, opened and closed doors, handed her in and out of the car. Took her arm and pulled her chair before the waiter could.

Shelley walked down the two blocks to the shopping strip and strolled aimlessly, trying to think about something other than Andie and Jonathon kissing and dancing. As she passed the open front bistro bar a voice called, "Shelley. It's been a while. Come and have a drink."

She looked to see a slightly plump but very attractive woman in a sharp black suit sitting at a roped off street edge table, sipping red wine. The slightly crooked smile was matched by the glint in her eyes.

"Hello Rachel. I'm ah...hell, it has been a while, sure."

Sensing her trepidation, Jonathon did his best to help Andie relax and hopefully enjoy the night.

Conversation was easy and after a while as she relaxed, very pleasant. The meal was excellent and the company equally so. Two hours later at a little after 9 they headed up the lift to the nightclub on the roof garden. Jonathon got them a drink as Andie staked a corner booth.

"Here you go Andie, Grand Marni' rocks with a splash, mineral for me, designated driver", he smiled softly, "Now. About that promised long version, hmm old thing." He sat back and sipped as he politely waited for Andie to gather her thoughts.

Two more drinks and an hour and a half later he knew more than almost anyone about the young woman sitting opposite. Smiling he stood, took her right hand and gently pulling, led her to the dance floor, "We're wasting a perfectly good band, a few slow ones to ease into things eh."

"Um, I've never done this before.."

"Don't worry. It's dead easy. Just relax and let me lead. Enjoy."

After the first couple, she did relax and enjoy. Another few slow ones then a couple of quicker things. Another drink, more dancing intermingled with shared thoughts and feelings. At a little after midnight they headed for home. Andie was just pleasantly mellow and Jonathon's arm around her waist felt comfortable and natural as they walked to the car. To any casual observer, just another couple after a nice evening out.

As he piloted them home Jonathon broached the subject that had been on his mind since Monday morning, "Andie, I have a cottage at a resort spa booked for Saturday through Tuesday night. It's only an hour from here. Come with me Saturday, I'll drop you back Monday morning for work. I really want to know you better, as more than a friend if you're willing."

She took a deep breath and blew it out very slowly, "Ohhh Boyyy. I, um, I'm tempted, but there's Shel to consider and I really don't know what I want to be with you... Let me sleep on that one, Ok. I'll let you know tomorrow night."

"Sure, I understand. The offers there and it makes no difference if it's one or two. But I would really like to share a weekend with you, see where it leads."

It was a thoughtful silence the rest of the way home. As they waited for the car park lift, "Andie?"

She pulled her thoughts back and turned, "Hmmm, sorry..." Straight into a deep embrace and a long and not quite tender kiss that lasted seemingly hours but was more like minutes. Flushed and panting very softly Andie turned and punched the lift button repeatedly as she tried to regain her balance. Jonathon's eyes glittered as a slight smirk settled on his face. Gently cupping her shoulders he leant forward and kissed the little bony knob at the base of her neck, "Thank you for a lovely evening Andie. I hope we can do more next time." He pressed softly against her back as the doors opened and she could feel his willingness to continue in a way that caused a small shiver to run up her spine and raise the hairs on her arms as though chilled. Gratefully? she stepped into the lift and pressed the button. The smirk was firmly in place and desire was clearly etched as he handed her the car keys and kissed her lips softly.

"Say yes. I think we both want to."

The doors slid open and she stepped across the hall and opened the door, Shelley turned in the lounge to greet them.

A soft kiss to the cheek, "Thank you for a nice night Jonathon, I'll let you know tomorrow." She missed the pained look that flashed across Shelley's face that was gone as she turned and bent to kiss her hello.

"I need to clean my face and get to bed, coming hon. Thanks again Jonathon."

She gave a rundown of the evening and her feelings as she wiped her face and got ready for bed. She could not read her lovers expression as they flicked out the lights and curled together, but she sensed a distance as Shel gave her a peck on the cheek with a soft, 'night hon' and pressed against her back.

They ran together with neither mentioning the night before, then went their separate ways for the day. One of the most frustrating and long days Andie had ever had.

Shelley listened to her thoughts and replied as she had before, "...it's your decision hon. I think you need this. I'll be here."

Finally she agreed to the idea and greeted Jonathon as he came in the door with a soft, "yes". He stopped for a moment and looked from Andie to Shelley and back, stepped and pulled her close, "Thank you." And kissed her deeply.

He looked at Shelley over Andies shoulder and nodded to her as she mouthed. 'treat her right'. With tears beginning in her eyes she went into the kitchen as Andie and Jonathon stood looking at each other and wondered what tomorrow would bring.

Andie came up behind Shelley as she stood staring out the kitchen window sipping a wine. Pulling her into a gentle hug, "Are you sure you're ok with this hon. I know what you said but I don't want to hurt you. Assuaging my adolescent curiosity is not worth damaging what we have." She could feel the tension in the taller woman and tried to ease it by contact.

With a deep sigh, "Oh Andie love, you need to do this. I'll be fine. Just come back Monday." She turned and with a quick peck on the forehead, " Let's get dinner."

The evening was slightly strained and they all retired early.

Shelley slowly and gently plied her lover and refused any attention herself as though trying to fix a memory in both their minds.

Saturday Andie nervously packed and repacked her overnight bag as Shelley half amused looked on. Finally at 4 PM Andie hugged and kissed her as though for the last time and headed downstairs where Jonathon held the taxi. As she headed through the door Shelley called, "Let me know...". She stopped and turned with a quizzical expression. Shel blew her a kiss and closed the door.

The driver dropped her bag in the boot next to Jonathon's and headed across town to the car rental place.

Shelley wandered aimlessly about the apartment for a while, opened a bottle of their favourite red and decided to get drunk. Two hours later, the bottle finished, she paced not quite steadily and then reached for her bag on the corner of the bench. She pulled out a red card and read the back. Tapped it against her teeth a couple of times, flicked it down on the bench top. Heading into the bedroom she changed quickly and grabbing her bag headed out the door. The stray thought flitted through, '..wonder what I can get for this place if I sell..'.

The car was not ready, had just been taken away to be cleaned. They had not been able to contact Jonathon, 'Two hours, we are sorry for the inconvenience. Please we will pay for a meal opposite while you wait."

Shrugging they left their bags and headed across the street to the café and settled for a late brunch or early dinner. A light meal 2 coffees and 2 hours later the manager came in and settled the account, letting them know the car was ready whenever they were.

For 2 hours Andies stomach had been fluttering up and down. She had only just managed to eat and felt the coffee churning around as tension built.

They stood beside their bags as Jonathon took the papers and keys.

"Nervous Andie?" He pulled her into a gentle embrace and kissed her softly on the lips.

5. Culmination

"Jonathon, I can't do this, sorry. Part of me wants very much to go with you and find out a few things that only doing can teach. But there's a still growing relationship here that will probably be hurt if I do. Shelley's tough. But where love is concerned she doesn't believe in herself. So please, go and relax and come back next week to work. I'll meet you then, ok?"

"Ah Andie, you disappoint an old man. But I understand the position your in. Shelley and I have an understanding of sorts on this. But I concede that she is not particularly thrilled at the prospect of you and I getting together. I think she's afraid of losing you." He shrugged slightly and took Andies right hand and brought it to his lips, kissing the knuckles, " Perhaps another time, eh old thing. I'll see you next week." He smiled, turned and walked to the rental car, climbed in and with a small salute drove away.

Andie watched until he turned the corner and disappeared. Sighing deeply she picked up her bag and hailed a taxi.

As soon as the door opened she knew no one was home. A corner lamp gave a warm glow and was the only sign of life. The empty bottle and single glass sitting on the coffee table caused a pang of sorrow and guilt. After unpacking her bag she headed for the kitchen, coffee sounded good. But a red card on the bench caught her eye. Curly writing on the back, 'Honeys 7 C U Rachel'. Andies heart jumped, Honeys was a gay bar. Specifically a lesbian bar, Shelley had told her more than once of her days trolling through such places and how impersonal and cold it could be. Sex was easy, but seldom fulfilling, usually empty and meaningless. If she had gone there she was hurting much more than she'd let on. Grabbing her wallet and keys Andie headed out again.

It was a 10 minute drive, she lucked a park only a block down. Locked the car and walked up, took a deep breath and went in. It was a dim, long room. A dance floor at one end with a few couples dancing slowly, a centre circle bar, tables spread throughout and deep curved booths lining the walls. She looped around the room slowly glancing to the booths as she passed. Fended off an advance from a big butch that intercepted her, "Sorry I'm looking for someone."

"Well sweet cheeks, if you don't find her come see Jackie. I'll get your juices flowing", she laughed loudly and returned to the bar. No one else had batted an eye. Half way along the far side she found her.

Shelley was on the way to being drunk. She sat, eyes closed, fondling the breast of the curvy brunette pressed hard against her. Who was in turn working her hand rhythmically under the short skirt of the tall blonde. Andie felt the blood drain from her face, as she stood staring at the pair. After perhaps a minute the brunette, 'Rachel' she wondered, opened one eye and glared at Andie.

"What are you staring at bitch. Fuck Off!"

Shelley blearily looked up and saw Andie standing beside the table. A flicker of emotion crossed her face and she frowned, " Well. Look who's here. What's up hon, boyfriend dump you already?" The voice slurring, she reached out and grabbed the glass of whatever, downing it in a gulp. Then glared at Andie.

"Go away. This is a bar for women. You don't qualify!"

The blood that was returning to her face fled, she gasped as though gut punched. She stood mouth open and only dimly aware of tears running down her face. The hostile gaze of several nearby women finally pushed through her numbed state. She turned and half stumbled toward the door pushing Jackie's attempted embrace aside as she passed.

It was a longer, bleary drive home and seemed to take hours.

The door clicked shut behind her. Dropping her wallet and keys to the floor beside her she half collapsed into the big chair in the darker corner. Tears flowed freely as sobs pushed up from somewhere deep. She sat only vaguely connected to the world, thoughts and feelings suspended. Dimly registered another soft bong from the mantle clock, so at least half an hour. Tears began again slowly as her mind replayed the scene and the words from the bar. She stared blankly into space and tried not to feel.

A slight scratching, bumping noise at the door brought her focus and eyes down and across. It swung open and Shelley lurched in dumping her keys and bag and headed for the bedroom, checking one, then the second. A sob echoed down the hall and a minute later she walked lead footed back to the lounge. Standing there with tears running down her face and swaying slightly, mumbling softly, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Her eyes roamed the room aimlessly, seeking an answer to an unasked question.

Then, squinting she made out a vague outline in the corner," Andie. Oh god, I'm sorry. Forgive me... please." Sobbing she stumbled across the room and kneeling on the floor hugged her lover tight around the knees and wept into her lap.

"Please Andie, if I could unsay it I would. I was hurt and jealous and feeling abandoned. You should hate me for...what I said. When I saw your face... the pain in your eyes... I wanted to die. I won't blame you if you leave. Just know I love you. Whatever you... decide, I love you, I always will. Please..." The sobs came steadily and tears soaked Andies jeans. She was crying steadily herself and slowly lifted her hand to Shelley's head and brushed the cheek she could see.

"Sshh. Come on hon. I'm supposed to be the soft one here. It's ok Shel. I'm not going anywhere, come on hon please, enough now. We'll be ok...ssshhh."

After several minutes Shelley shifted and sitting back on her calves looked searchingly at Andies face. Her lovely face was blotchy and her makeup ruined, pain and sadness clearly showing. She lifted her hands from Andies knees and wiped her face roughly.

"Oh hon it's my fault. I knew you were unsure about ..everything, but I thought you needed to know and that I could handle it. I guess I was wrong. When I saw you standing there I was ashamed and angry and happy all at the same time. I think I can guess what happened with Jonathon and then I throw it in your face when you show you care." She took a deep breath and settled herself.

"Jonathon knew that you would come back. That if anything happened between you it would only be a short...fling, I suppose. But I 'knew' that he would take you away, you would be his and once that happened, no matter how sad it made you, you could not be unfaithful to that and we would be over. Much as I tried to rationalise that it was your choice to make...needed to make on your own...I. I couldn't handle it...When I bumped into Rachel, I thought, ok, good for one... Childish huh. Even sitting there in the bar I had to get drunk...I kept picturing your eyes looking at me sadly, I couldn't feel...anything. And then there you were...and I said the most hateful thing I could to get back at you... to hurt you for hurting me."

She took another breath and looked into the gentle amber eyes looking down at her, the pain seemed to have settled, but not gone. Would it ever? She tried to read them without success. She had to trust on her knowledge of who Andie was and that they did indeed have a love for one another.

"Andie, I love you. Know, that that is true. I hurt you badly. Lashed out in pain and fear of losing you. I know you can't forget what was said, but please know I truly did not mean it. You are the most beautiful, amazing, giving person I have ever known. I do love you, otherwise I could not, would not, have tried to hurt you like that. It shows, in a fucked up sort of way, how deep you get to me." Her face twisted in a rueful, crooked smile and she shook her head sadly.

"Shel, I know you love me. I love you more than I can say. I found that card on the bench and knew how much you had to be hurting to go there...so. I went to let you know I was here, with you, not Jonathon. I won't deny that image in the booth hurt and your words hurt a lot. But the contempt on the faces of those close enough to hear what you said. That made me realise how someone like me is seen by some. Perhaps many. I am who I am. So I have to deal with those feelings. To believe in you and a few others makes it easier. Without you it would be so much harder. I know how this hurt you. I still don't have it all sorted out. But we are good." She shifted and leant forward pushing up out of the chair.

"Come on Shel let's get our faces cleaned up and I'll make a big fluffy, cheesy omelette. I think comfort food is in order." She helped Shelley to her feet and they looked deep into the others eyes and hugged tight for several minutes.

They headed arm in arm for the bathroom, scrubbed and cleaned their faces, changed into loaf about the house clothes and headed for the kitchen. Andie whipped and grated and sliced as Shelley poured a wine for Andie and a mineral water for herself. They quietly sipped and considered each other and relationships. Twenty minutes later they sat to eat and toasting each other chatted easily and slowly relaxed. The tension dissipated the dishwasher was stacked and they returned to the lounge put in a selection of CD's and curled up together on the lounge. Quietly talked their way through the last few days and came to an acceptance of things. Both agreed they were good. Perhaps better now for this. At something past midnight they agreed to turn in, emotionally drained, but at ease.

A quick shower and into bedclothes, curled against each other. As they relaxed Shelley hugged Andie and clearing her throat, spoke softly in her ear, "Hon I've been thinking for a while. I'll be 30 next year and the modelling is starting to taper off. The shops should be running soon...so. I, ...um, ...if you are interested. We, ...that is ...us, together, could have a baby. Yours and mine. What do you think?"

Andie rolled to face Shelley and looked into her eyes. With a smile and tears in the corner of her own, "That's a big one hon. We'll need to talk it through, but I would love to share a child with you." She kissed Shelley deep and long and soon they were stroking and touching. Loving each other, gentle and shared.

Some time later, spooning tight, Shelley whispered as she sensed Andie sleeping, "Sleep well hon, I love you so much." She kissed her lovers neck softly and snuggling tight, settled to sleep.

The end. At least in this...Life goes on.

Any thoughts or comments I can be contacted - [email protected]
Anything short of abuse welcome.