by Michelle Wilder
by Michelle Wilder
We see, and we see clearly. But only from one point of view...
----
"What happened? What, like everything? I didn't see *everything*....
"Jeeze, chill, okay?
"The fight? The *punch*, you mean? Like, a punch is not a fight....
"Okay.... Chill, okay, okay?
"Well, I guess, as far as the f-... the st-stuff, or whatever, it started ab-bout... twelve? Yeah, right around midnight. No, after, after the... stuff.... So Carl had to have been.... No, wait....
"Alright. I was at the rush dance, and yes I saw it all, or I was there from like nine or so, to when... I left at two, I guess.
"Yeah, all the costumes and stuff. Everyone was going all around to see them.
"Yes, *and* all the Sydney and Carl stuff....
"It's a lot. You sure...?
"Okay, I guess it *really* started about ten, when Sydney got there, with Chelsea and Kim.
"Everything? Okay....
"Yeah, well... if that was the start, well, I guess I'd say like when those three walked in, well, it was like the end of the contest too, like the prize was already awarded, right there. *And* Sydney was in, wherever it was she was pledging, and there was no way the idiots on the rush committee were gonna be able to argue. Or the house, whichever.
"No, I pledged last year. Why?
"Okay. What happened...
"Well, they walked in, I mean, like an entrance, and we knew they were pledges okay, but not who they were, or what houses they were rushing, or what the haze was. It's okay if I say haze? I mean, it's what we still say...? Okay, thanks.
"Anyway, they were great. I mean, they blew ninety-nine percent of the costumes away *individually*, even the geeky cool stuff and that Madison Harper was in that skin-tight silver thing.... Okay. But anyway, the three of them? They won.
"No, I didn't know them then, but everyone did, I mean, after like fifteen minutes, everyone knew their names?
"What were they wearing? Don't you already have that? Jeez-uz....
"Okay, okay! What? Am I like the first? You talked to?
"Oh. Sorry.
"Well, Kimberly and Chelsea were in these... I dunno what they're called... like bridesmaid dresses? But really classy, I mean, like more like a movie star would wear? Slim and... classy? But they were dark blue... I guess that's kinda different than a bridesmaid thing look, but they were the same, like identical, and with little bouquets, so you thought 'wedding' right off, anyway?
"Anyway, they came in, like together, just perfect, just like a movie, and the DJ musta been tipped or something, 'cause the music goes down and then the wedding march-song comes on, *really* loud, and they step in.
"Yeah, I *personally saw* them! *Everybody* did! I mean, it was like the only different thing that had happened all night, up 'til then, and they looked really hot! I mean, they *weren't* like a plain wedding. They were *hot.*
"Okay. So, the wedding music is like *blasting* really impressive, all organs and like? And they step in, all slow, like about ten feet and then turn around and face each other and spread out, like step apart, and are like this other entrance, like a wedding entrance? And they look back at the doorway, and after like ten or so seconds, Sydney comes in, realllllllly slow.
"What? Yeah, like she was marching, just like they were. Stepping slow, all formal.
"No, she wasn't scared. Why?
"So she didn't *look* scared. Satisfied?
"But anyway, she had her head down, like bowing, just her head, and she had this veil on too, so nobody could see her, but anyway, she comes up to Chelsea and Kim and stops. And like the music stops, right on a beat! It was like bitchin' cool.... And Kim and Chelsea step over to her, but like just behind her, too... I guess she went past them, but anyway, Sydney looks up, really slow, and when she's straight.... But she still has the veil? Well, they reach up and pull it off her face, like fold it back. Dead slow.
"Man.... She was like the prettiest girl I have *ever* seen... like a model....
"That's when we all knew they had the lock. I mean, it was impressive and all, the entrance? But that they looked... I mean, so *hot* and... Sydney... like that? I swear, I heard girls like gasping. Like ohmigods. I know all the guys were more than lookin'. And it wasn't just sexy.... It was total class.
"Okay... so they do that, the whole entrance? And then Sydney is in front and they walk almost the same slow walk over to the rush judges tables with the two of them holding Sydney's veil thing... or a cape she had on or something... and even with it being roped off and we can't hear anything.... I told you the music came back up by then? Well, it did.
"Anyway, we can't hear, but the judges are like *freaking* out. All of them! And the three girls are just standing there, holding their flowers and the veil and... and standing there! I dunno if they even said anything!
"The whole party kinda changed, after that? I mean, like it was already them that were gonna win the prize, or there'd've been a riot, but it was like okay: so now we could just party? And all the pledge stuff was pretty well done with, just them all *being* there, now there's no rough stuff? I mean, I know some of them had to like act the parts, like stay in character, as part of the haze... the requirements, or whatever, but mostly, it was done? And we could relax?
"So way more people hit the dance floor, and I know the lines at the bars got long, like *ten minutes* for a beer, and there wasn't anything but costume judging later on, and that just happened, so they had to keep the... their outfits together? Heh! It was a pain for some of the geeks, lem-mee tell you.... There was this guy...
"Okay, alright. Okay, after the rush committee.... So the three girls come out, and like a table makes room, I think it was the varsity cheer crowd - it was a big buncha tables - and they open up about one whole side of one, and three chairs, and Chelsea and Kim help Sydney sit... like she had all that stuff... well, it took all three.
"Anyway, even before I think the cheer bimbos got their teeth in, or kisses or whatever they were gonna do, there's pretty well a stampede of guys over there to ask them to dance, all three of them. It was like some of everybody. The jocks and pretty boys and geeks and rockers and... hell, I think there was even a goth. Like wearing a *kilt*!
"Yeah, I did, with Kim *and* Sydney! It was like an hour later, but I cut in on one of my buds, Cory, at the end of a song, and Kimberly was okay with that, and I asked Sydney, I dunno... it musta been two hours... almost at the judging, anyway. She said she had to, to Carl, that she wasn't supposed to just dance with just him. I don't care. At least I got to dance with her....
"The judging? No, I wasn't there, I mean, I was with some buds... sure, we heard and that, and when they went up on stage we were all cheering and all, but I musta been over a hundred feet away.
"Yeah, I saw the awards stuff, and we could hear, well, pretty clear. Warkington whatsisname did the formal stuff and.... Yeah, he was the EmmCee, I guess, and he like announced the awards and the categories, and said some of them were, some of the costumes were from pledges, you know, what we already knew. And he said Sydney was too, and she was going Gamma.
"Yeah, I was watching when Carl kissed her. When they were gonna do the final announcements, the trip and all... well, I think Kim and Chelsea got him to go up with her, I guess since they danced half the night, and he was all James Bondage and all in the tux, and I.... Well, you could tell he liked her, and her, I mean... she liked him.
"So, like in the spotlight, when they said the winner and she stepped out of the line, like he walked over and kissed her....
"I'm not like that, y'know, but it was romantic....
"Yeah, that was when. This drunk shouts that the lady's a dude, like that was original, and I guess there was booing and shoving, but I wasn't there, so....
"Ok, so I saw that. Yeah. Is that why I'm here? Cause I saw?
"Okay. Yeah, well.... Okay. He did. Yes, Carl. But....
"Okay. Here's the whole thing. This guy pulled on Sydney's veil thing, when all the shouting and stuff was going on, like he ripped it right off and held it up, like it was cool or something! I mean, Sydney was crying....
"And.... Carl, I guess he was with the shoving, I dunno, but all of a sudden he was like... just *there* and he totally roundhouses the shit. Right in the face. Sorry.
"Yeah, Sydney, Kimberly and Chelsea and some of the other girls were there with her, after that, I mean, helping her and all, like what would a guy've been able... but she was safe, yeah....
"I think he woulda pounded the, the guy who did it... I mean, more, if they hadn't stopped him. Yeah.
"I woulda.
"What? Yeah, I guess.... Yeah, after, after they tossed the guy, well, I guess the committee figured it was over, then at least, and I think they woulda gotten beat up themselves if they'd tossed Carl right then, but they let him stay.
"Yeah, Carl, well, when Sydney and all the rest of the girls came back, he kissed her again.
"Not like the spotlight thing... no.... I don't even think many people saw them. Maybe just me.... Yeah, a long time.
"No, I lost track of them, then, anyway. But they were the hit of the night, no pun intended.
"Yeah, I know she's really a guy. I'm not stupid.
"Well... she was beautiful. I danced with her.
"Look, can I say something, just for the record? Okay? Thanks.
"I'm *glad* Carl drifted that asshole. The way he scared her....
"Okay. But I'm still glad."
----
by Michelle Wilder
We see, and we see clearly. But only from one point of view...
----
"Is this gonna be... are you using my name or anything?
"No... just that, well, I guess it's okay....
"So, what? Like from when we got there? Well, I guess that was about... ten? Thereabouts, anyway.
"Yes, Chelsea and me and Sydney. We came in Chelsea's mom's van 'cause Syd's dress wouldn't fit in my.... Yeah, we did all the prep over there, her mom's great.
"Anyway, we phoned ahead to Harry - he did the music for the dance - and gave him the thumbs-up and thank *gawd* it wasn't raining or windy, but Chelsea parked where Sydney could walk without getting her hem dirty....
"No, it was real. Didn't you see it? Tch! You must be about the only.... Okay... well, it's a totally classic wedding dress, y'know? Petticoats, white, veil, taffeta, beads... the works. I mean, it has a *real* corset! Syd looked just perfect in it, and I did a fantastic job our hair and makeup too, if I have to mention it myself....
"Us? We had these drop-dead gowns, with *exactly* the same neckline look as Sydney's gown, but that's all? and midnight blue and they were tight sheaths? They were just perfect, so... I dunno, so wedding, but *costume-y* too, y'know? I mean, like for a real wedding? But they were perfect.
"No, Miz Baker had them. She has a shop, and these were all for modeling? I dunno, she said they were already worn, for a couple of shows or something, so one more time wouldn't hurt, and she even altered our dresses, Chelsea's and me, 'cause she said they probably would be again anyway.
"No, Sydney's dress fit with the corset and all; she didn't need any fitting at all, 'cept she did a kinda temporary hem-job on the skirt, I think. No, wait... Yeah, Syd wore higher heels I think.... Anyway, she didn't take it in or anything... it would've taken forever!
"Okay, so.... You want *everything*? Okay..... Hope you got a *lot* of tape.
"Well, we got there, about ten, like I said, and we got Sydney's veil and all arranged and the bouquets sorted and I phoned in and Harry said he'd be watching and was cued up and all and he'd cut it like we arranged, too, when we were gonna do the veil... well, I'll tell you.
"No... we just talked to him about it, for the act, like to do it right? He wasn't in on anything else.
"So... wedding march, *really* loud, like dance club loud? And me and Chelsea parade in, step-pause, step-pause, and we go about twenty feet, and turn, and it's all I can do to keep a straight face it's so *incredible* and then in comes Sydney looking like some video goddess... just *beautiful*... and I guess Harry warned the light guy from the balcony, but there's this *spotlight* too, and... well, it's just *perfect*....
"Oh yeah. she was as white as a sheet, just shivering! I mean, being the centre of attention, and the dress and the music? I kept thinking that a fainting act might look okay, maybe romantic and dramatic? But a sick bride is just YouTube....
"No, nothing happened, and all Syd had to say, thank God, was name, rank and house, kinda, over at the rush tables that we made a procession to, too, and then we got to see the Greek geeks implode. I think that was what really relaxed.... What?
"No... the president, of Syd's house... what's his face? Yeah. I think he was setting her up... no.... I mean, c'mon... it was just totally unfair even for pledge hazing... I mean, she had to look perfect, so nobody'd know!? It was totally bogus and I still think she shoulda gone to the Greek council and complained. I mean, he was obviously trying to humiliate her, not... I think he never intended to let her pledge!
"Well, he had to... to, like be a totally believable girl, or... but is that fair? I mean, with, with us, with Chelsea and Mrs. Baker and Miz Keely, and everything she had to do, it turned out, but it was s'posed to be impossible, the way the frat committee set it up!
"Look, what I know is she had to attend, and be a girl, and nobody was supposed to know, and they were going to embarrass her... yes, that's what they said, before. Like expose her, even if....
"I don't... yes. That's what Sydney told us, yes.
"No! Look, I *heard* them, what they were saying at the dance, right in *front* of us, and it was all just like she said. Everything, and it was all Trent Winters doing the talking, and his stupid buds on the council, and the rest of them were the ones who really made it... what happened.
"Yes! We were right there, and they were like saying Sydney was supposed to be doing all this alone and half the council was saying *where* did that rule come from, like even *they* knew the... what Winters had said, before, just that she *be* there, a girl, and be... convincing....
"Yeah, totally. Like, right *then* they were almost saying she was gonna be a winner, so *convincing* was covered, and fooling everyone.... That shut him up....
"No, I don't think so. Really, from what we saw, what they were saying, most of them were down on Gamma, that they'd made it really unfair for Syd and she just out-smarted them and did it better than....
"One or two, yeah, he wasn't alone, but I think they were just his friends, not that they were like a conspiracy.
"N-n- One of them... I think the president of Delta Kappa, the tall guy? Neil? Yeah, well, he even danced with Syd. And I *know* he's close with Winters. So, no, I think it was just him.
"Oh, they probably took about ten minutes, really just shutting him up. Then they made him tell Syd she was free, or the haze was over, that she could just party.
"No, I mean, Trent Winters had to actually say it was completed, but it was all of them that said that, that she was free. That it was all over, and she'd passed?
"No kidding! Like, she went about ten shades healthier! She even smiled at Neil and he just about derma-peeled.
"Well, mm, after the council, we, I guess we stopped the procession thing, really, but Chelsea, and... we kept Sydney's veil, up off the floor, and Maria and Carrie and them, the varsity squad, they called us over to their table, made a big space for Sydney, and, well I guess we took off her veil then, we had to....
"No, they were really cool with it, and none of them were in the rush stuff, being squad and all, but they thought Sydney was precious, all the blushing and all.
"Yeah, they were pretty well all there, but with dates, but together for some stuff.. they did a cheer at the ceremony, so I guess that was... yeah, in uniforms.
"No, Chelsea's in dance with a lot of them. I just hang sometimes. No, I don't think they knew Sydney, before.
"Well, right after... I guess they were finished with whatever when we got there, 'cause they didn't do any business or anything... and most of their boyfriends came over, or they....
"I dunno.... I guess they were okay?
"You know.... Most - pretty well nobody knew Syd was a boy, then. I mean, she was like... gorgeous, and the dress and all, and us? She looked the part perfectly, and she just whispered, or this breathy talking thing, really soft? She sounded perfect too. I don't think any of the guys knew, except the committee and her house.
"Yeah! I almost rolled off my chair the first time! This total Brad Pitt, Neil, he asks her to dance and Chelsea poked her so hard she broke a nail on her corset and Sydney probably didn't even feel it, but Chelsea's like nodding and winking and doing everything but screaming 'Do it!' and Sydney just looks all dazed until she looks up and Neil's like doing this smile and she just melts.... It was so romantic....
"Yeah, but it was Carl Munroe, mostly. She's like the first girl I've seen him dance with, I swear, and he goes to parties and dances and stuff, but he just hangs, and....
"No! He's not gay! Where'd you.... No! He *so* isn't! I mean, he's... he's not! He likes girls, but he's not the dating kinda guy, or if he does, he, it's not anyone on campus, anyway....
"I dunno.... I guess maybe not at first, I mean, the way she looked and all, but he danced with her, not just fast, up close I mean, Harry was in a mushy mood, really... it was half slow swaying stuff all night, and Carl danced about half the time with her. So he knew, for sure, and besides, she wasn't keeping it a secret, just not advertising, y'know?
"No, like *everyone* knew by the contest, I mean, it was all the talk. I think half the guys danced with her were just seeing if it was true! (snort) Carl cut in on most of those... It was a scream watching him kinda hover and some jerk would like stand up all straight with Syd and Carl would *right then* cut in and do this romantic twirl away. He is sooo sweet!
"I can't believe you missed it! It was the perfect ending, I mean... Sydney got best costume, we got best group, and she got her... passed the Gamma thing, and Carl does the groom thing *right* on stage! It was so perfect! He.... I can't explain it. I mean, he kissed her and like the whole *room* went 'awwwww...' and it was like she....
"I can't explain it, but it was just perfect, even with the... that bastard pulling on her hair... and... then Carl hit him and came to her rescue... so....
"See? I'm crying!!"
----
by Michelle Wilder
We see, and we see clearly. But only from one point of view...
----
"Before I answer any questions, who else have you talked to?
"Okay. I understand that, but it's important.... At least, who are you going to talk to next? Are you going to talk to Sydney?
"Okay then. Ask away.
"Carl Munroe.
"Look, I'm gonna call Sydney a girl for this, okay? It's easier, the way she looked and... all, okay?
"Um... well, the first time I saw her the Greek council people, for rush, they were just getting ready to close up the table, as far as the pledge stuff, so that was probably, oh... nine-fifty, and Sydney and the other two, Kim West and Chelsea Bonner, they came in before.... Trent said they just beat the deadline, but they had a little time yet. So sometime before ten.
"Well, it was... everyone noticed... they had great costumes, or Sydney did, but with the entrance and music and all, I guess it was a good group costume. And Sydney won, you know.
"I don't think so. I think I just noticed her, that she was a bride, that's all.
"I was just there as member, not on the council... Neil Linden's Dee Kay's president, Delta Kappa, and, well, he's my best friend. We were talking, I guess... it's wasn't serious Greek or anything, just stuff.
"No, they table anything that has to be done in-house or that's... controversial, I guess. But, yeah, it was still official.
"Well, they came over to the tables to register for the costume contest stuff and for Sydney to do the pledge requirement thing and Trent Winters didn't know who she was and Chelsea had to tell him, that she was there like she had to be, the challenge and all, and then Winters got shitty...
"Look. I can see having challenges and stuff, and even the stupid hazing that's still legal, but...
"I guess what Winters asked was technically okay, but... what he wanted, it was what all the rules were supposed to stop. That's all I'm gonna say about that, okay?
"Yeah, almost. Neil forced the issue out of Winter's hands... he made a quick motion and it was seconded and all... really fast, and Sydney was... well, passed? Anyway, Winters shut up and I think Neil and a couple of the other houses basically said, made her a council acceptee, like a legacy, maybe. I didn't ask and I don't think I want to know, but Winters basically said he wasn't gonna have anything to do with her after that.
"I know Neil said he didn't agree with Winters. He voted with the council.
"Then? I thought....
"I thought she looked really pretty. I didn't know until the... Chelsea said.
"Well, she looked like a bride. White... beautiful dress, flowers. Veil stuff.... She had a great figure... which I guess is a bit odd, but she did... and she was... well, tall for a girl, I guess, but not really.
"Well, after, when I thought about it, she looked scared out of her mind. Like she was gonna pass out, or run or something when she had to listen to Winter's shit. Chelsea and Kimberly did all the talking, or Chelsea, maybe, and she never said a word, just to nod who she was, and yes or no.
"About ten minutes maybe. I don't remember exactly. No more than that. I know the contest was closed, after her. So at ten, anyway.
"Y'know, I think Neil was the first one. He told me he was gonna rescue "him" from the grrrrls. He said it like that, and he went over and asked her, I guess, and... I could see her face was all white then, but he bowed and held out his hand, just like the house lessons for formals, and she accepted.
"Nope. Slow dance. I remember he had to reach for her hands and place them. He was laughing too, like at jokes and it was all normal, and he hardly moved, just swayed? But she smiled too, I remember, when they stopped at the end.
"Well, he came back and some other guy must've asked her, or she started dancing again, anyway. Neil said she was about ready to explode.
"Yeah... he said she.... I noticed, yeah.
"No, he said she was so stressed out by everything she was almost crying. I don't remember, exactly.... But she was at the edge, anyway. She didn't look that way, when I looked, but it was a long way over to the dance floor and I only saw her sometimes 'cause the new guy was moving around with her, more than Neil.
"No, he said she'd been railroaded into the wedding dress and stuff, mostly by the girls, and she was going to walk out in a few minutes and quit rush and he told her about the legacy thing and...
"He said he'd offer her a pledge spot in Dee Kay if she wanted it, but he just thought of that then.
"I asked, and he hadn't....
"I dunno.... I guess a guy. I mean, Dee Kay is a frat.
"She was.... she was screwed over by Gamma, and Neil said by the girls too, at least... even if maybe they didn't have any idea about what it'd be like, from the way they were acting, anyway, and she was on like the fourth guy, maybe more, and I'll bet money they were, most of 'em, they were doing it on bets and laughing at her, making it even worse.
"Yeah. I was pissed a bit. I was ready to pound Winters, anyway.
"I guess Neil. He said maybe I should dance with her, get all the facts.
"No, I didn't care. Look, I was gonna be like the fifth or tenth guy, so what did it matter? But Neil was right, and I was just gonna get an ulcer listening to him. So yeah, I went up and cut in and danced with her.
"Listen. I... about all the stuff that, that... happened, and....
"We danced... a slow dance, and I asked her stuff... how she was doing. All 'you' and 'them,' kinda avoiding how she was, what she looked like, even though I... I thought it was just a costume, then, and I don't know, but it seemed right, too.
"Well, she *looked* like a girl, even dancing with her. That was a big thing, but more was that she talked like one, or I thought so, but...
"I guess... her tone, maybe. She sounded like a girl, and looked like one, and I was dancing with her, and, well... I guess that's where I got the idea, anyway.
"That she *was* a girl.
"No, she didn't... but I didn't ask, or say it, either. I joked about stuff like our costumes matching and almost got her to smile at my lame-o tux and at the end I asked her if she wanted to sit down, her feet must be sore, and she did smile.
"Yeah, I walked with her, back to the girls' table.
"Now I know they were the whole problem, then. But she sat down there, and I sat back at the Dee Kay table.
"A couple of more times.
"From what she said it was worse than what I'd thought, and after I thought about it, after I'd got my courage up, I guess, I asked her to dance again and then said if she wanted, we could dance all night.
"She couldn't. She didn't have any money, or a ride, except Chelsea, and she left her keys at Chelsea's place and was stuck. So no ducking out, even ditching the whole rush thing.
"We just talked.
"Yes, later on.
"No, I'm not going to tell you about it.
"Okay. Well, the prizes.... she didn't want to go up, and the girls said they'd just spotlight her on the floor, so while they were pinning on her veil thing again I said I'd go with her and when she won it seemed like the thing to do, so I gave her a little one on the cheek and everyone laughed and cheered and I think it made it all a bit of a joke instead of the shit some of the assholes had said. So, yeah.
"That was when we were walking from the stage steps, just a few feet in the crowd, and... this jerk pulled on her veil and about pulled her head off and I guess... I didn't know it was attached that hard, so I guess he didn't either and it was just a stupid thing to do, but it was, well, I guess the capper... but she started to cry, tears and all, and the asshole *laughs*.
"No. I shoved him is all. Open hand, chest, shove, fall.
"Nope.
"I danced with her another hour, I guess, but really we just talked, they were playing slow music and she was... the girls repaired her face stuff, but she was shaking almost the whole first half hour.
"That's private.
"I took her home.
"That's private.
"I don't know. I don't think she knows. But it's her business.
"I wasn't trying to hide. Yes, I kissed her again. I like her. She has guts and brains and she... she's...
"Can you imagine what it was like? All that shit, and she still stood there when they lifted her veil, and smiled? And she danced with those guys, after pretty well the first one after Neil made fun of her? And just *looking* like that? She never cried before that pull on her hair, in her whole life since she was little, and that night was enough to make her. I *woulda* pounded him if I knew that, then....
"I have no idea. What's gender? Am I? I kissed a girl is what I felt like. I still do, that's why I'm saying she.
"If she looked like a boy? Like now?
"If she was a boy, it wouldn't have happened like that, would it?
"If I saw all the shit, and saw someone hurt her... a boy, even... yeah. More, probably.
"What difference does it make if some asshole hurts someone, if it's a guy or a girl? Would it make any difference if someone *shot* a guy or a girl? Would one be any less bad? Less guilty? So what's the difference with hurting?
"I wouldn't have danced with her if she were a boy, I guess. That's the real difference. That we could talk. If I was in a dress costume and all, maybe, but I can't know or feel what she did, all that stuff, so even then it wouldn't be the same....
"I.... *I* kissed her because she was a girl, and because she cried and was scared and I was dancing with her and we... I got to know her and like her and I... wanted to... and she let me, after I asked.
"But she isn't, to me.
"Would *you* change, if you put on different clothes? Do you really think that you'd change, just from looking a certain way, for one night?
"Okay. Valid point. So *I* changed, talking and looking at her and all. *I* changed, dancing with her and feeling like I was with a girl, and *I* asked her if I could kiss her.
"But I kissed *her*.
"Why should I be? She's a pretty, smart girl to me. Kissing her was nice.
"I.... Y'know, I don't know.
"I think... it wouldn't make any difference, maybe.
"It wouldn't."
----
by Michelle Wilder
We see, and we see clearly. But only from one point of view...
----
"Trent Winters, President of Gamma House.
"Sydney Halliday. Yes. It was a legitimate challenge. He had to wear a dress, enter the costume contest, and convince the majority of attendees that he was a girl for the whole evening.
"No, look... it wasn't supposed to be easy, but he wasn't *intended* to fail, or for it to be impossible, and he did pass and he's in, Delta Kappa, anyway... so you have no justification for-
"Okay. So... alright. That night? Look, all I can say is what I saw, not all the stuff I've heard about from people who have *no* idea what happened....
"Then.... Alright. Okay.... The first I saw him that night was when they were already in... they were in the middle of the foyer area, where the tables started... yeah. Well, I didn't know it was him, then, not until that girl, Chelsea Bonner, said he was.
"Nope, no idea. I expected him to forfeit, not even show up.
"Look, I knew he was a twinky...
"No, we did *not* choose that because I- we thought he was queer or anything....
"Sorry. No, look. Is this about that night or what?
"Chelsea Bonner, yes. *Mizz* Bonner did all the talking for them, yes.
"No, I don't think he even said a word.
"There are fifteen on the rush committee, all the Greek presidents or their reps, and three Council, the chair, and there are two...
"Nine of us were there. All the houses.
"We're... our task was to judge the efforts of the pledges against the assigned challenges, and...
"A majority is necessary to override any decision of the particular house.
"Yes, but then the pledge would have to complete another challenge to the satisfaction of the whole committee....
"No, *I* approved his...
"Yes, he passed that night, my decision.
"Nope. I had no idea until then, until Bonner introduced him. Hell, I didn't know he was a *he* until she did. None of us did, from what...
"Look, I don't know what you heard, but there was.... There is *no* animosity between he and I, or about his decision, or Delta Kappa.
"Yes, he has. He decided to accept an offer to rush Delta Kappa and they... allowed his challenge that evening... as... sufficient.
"Yes, it's quite unusual, but the Council approved it, so I....
"I have no idea. I'm the president of one house, not the whole Greek council.
"Yes, I have in-house veto and could have failed him, but that's referred to Council... I didn't.
"I can't say. And because he has accepted Delta, it wouldn't be my place.
"I have nothing against Delta Kay. I already said: it was all legitimate procedure.
"*I* approved his challenge. Passed him. Not the committee. *I* did, and I don't care what you've *heard*.
"Of course there was discussion! Jesus, the f-f... he was an effin' *bride*! I mean, he was a *girl!* I... we- none of us even...
"Christ....
"I am not *upset* about, that, that he was a girl... that he... looked that way. That was the challenge, to look convincing, and he passed. I'm... I was unhappy that his two friends helped him, that it wasn't his personal effort...
"No, there was no specific restriction about any help, and I took that into account. I *did* pass him.
"Look, I'll tell you what happened. You draw your own conclusions, but I'm not going to pretend to know what everyone else thought.
"Bonner introduced them, him, and I guess there was, well, there was a lot of excitement, that he was... looked like that, and I admit I was surprised and... I recognized him then, saw it was him for real, and he kept the whole stupid blushing bride act up the whole time....
"No, he never said a word, and now I think of it, I coulda insisted, that he'd failed, if his voice and all....
"No, I never heard him.
"Look. I passed him. He won best fucking costume, alright! Leave it at that, okay? He looked like a girl and it was a group effort thing and it wasn't outside the challenge because who'da thought anyone would go tell their friends they were gonna dress up and parade around like a sissy? And that they'd all be *in* on it? Or that he wouldn't just put on a plain, stupid *dress* and.... I mean, his fucking *hair* was curled! And that *wedding* dress... and *their* dresses.... And that music? Shit....
"No, I am not unreasonable! He played with the rules and.... I don't like that kind of lawyering, okay?
"Yes, it was all legitimate. That's all I have to say on the matter. Do you want to hear about the evening or what?
"I approved his challenge and they sat down.
"I dunno... with the cheerleaders, I think. Yeah, with them, and I think there were about three more costumes came in, but he was the last pledge and he was just seconds from being late....
"No, they were fussing with his hair and stuff. All of them were into it, his... you couldn't of told him apart, and half.... I bet even the cheer squad didn't know until he opened his mouth.
"Yeah, I saw him talking. So they knew. Still let him sit there, and talked and all, like he was one of 'em. He fit right in, but then he would, wouldn't he?
"Oh, come on! He dressed up like a *bride* and passed it off with pretty well *everyone* from the start and then guys were *dancing* with him when they didn't know and who *else* coulda pulled that off if he wasn't one of them, hunh? He was the fucking queen of the dance and every queer in the school zeroed in on him all night! Hell, half of them *outted* themselves with him, like Neil in Delta Kappa... that's why he was invited there, y'know? He totally *drooled* over the fag, from like the first time he found out he was a boy instead of a girl. And his Carl whatzizname... *Munroe*.... He's a Delt, too... and he was draped all over the fag all night....
"No, I'm sure most of the Delts aren't like that, but Neil and Munroe...
"I have *nothing* against a person's legal sexual orientation, and it's illegal and against the school's and the Council's regulations to discriminate. I just don't have to be friends with them, okay, and that's *my* right, about the only one we have left...
"How would *I* know if there are any fucking homosexuals or transvestites in Gamma? But there are none I know of, for sure, but they can hide and pretend to be normal and there are over a hundred brothers from before I was elected, just on campus, and I had no say in their selection and inductions. So how would I know?
"Okay.
"What happened was princess-boy giggled with the girls and danced with every fag in the room and he was voted best costume and ffff.... Munroe *kissed* him on the fucking *stage!* And people actually applauded!
"I guess at the freak show.
"Nope. I was at the table. Judging wasn't my job.
"Well, after, when they were doing the wind-down, slower music and all? Well, I noticed his keepers, Bonner and that Kimberly girl? Well, they were out on the floor with their dates or someone, and I looked around and found Munroe *necking* with the faggot.
"Look. It was two *guys* kissing. And *not* a stage kiss, like you *might* be able to stretch into an act thing, part of the costume and all.... They were kissing. Understand?
"It about made me throw up, I tell you. And there's *nothing* that anyone can *do* anymore! Like in the old days, they'd never've been allowed, like they woulda been *shown* what was allowed. It...
"That's not what I meant. I meant that things are changing, and lots of people are unhappy with that, the direction they're going.
"That's not what I said. I have nothing against them, their basic human rights. It has to do with what's proper public behavior, though. You want to see them kissing in public? Holding hands and that? I mean, the law says they can do their shit in private, but they don't have to parade around and flaunt it! I don't care if you can't even tell if one of them's....
"Of course there were other people kissing there, it was a fucking dance! But that's not what I'm talking about and you know it! They were two guys! And it doesn't *matter* if one of them looked like a girl, or that even if a majority of the people there were okay with him looking and acting and being like that, that night.... Did I tell you I heard was almost a *fight* at the costume award thing? That that Munroe faggot *hit* someone over an innocent comment about his little faggot's little costume? He almost got thrown out and probably woulda been charged, but *Neil* and about half of the fucking *committee* intervened on the faggot's behalf, on Munroe's.... It was like....
"It's just that nothing that's changed has been for the better, is what I mean.
"I don't give a shit if he cried like a girl. The guy pulled *his* fucking *veil* off, that's all.
"No, I have no idea what hair pins feel like, how would I? He wasn't bleeding and it was a fucking piece of cloth!
"How would I know if he was scared? He was in a crowd and about ninety percent of them were all touchy-feely on *his* fucking side and a *man* wouldn't have been *scared* would he? And there was shouting and stuff on the stage part anyway, about him being a fag and all, and he wasn't scared *then* and that's when Munroe kissed him, so it's *not* like he was hiding his girliness, is it?
"Hell, he *mighta* been really scared, he's such a girl....
"Are you kidding!? They took him to the little *girls'* fucking room! A bunch of 'em! And then, when he came out all pink and fresh and virgin fucking bride, Carl-fucking-Munroe takes his... like.... It was like he was his fucking *groom* and.... It was disgusting.
"I have no idea what happened after that. I saw them making out and I made sure they weren't breaking the damn rules, and I left.
"No, I didn't find out until Tuesday, when Neil called."
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by Michelle Wilder
We see, and we see clearly. But only from one point of view...
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"Okay... You know Sydney rushed Gamma, right?
"Well, like when she found out about it, when they told her she was gonna have to be a girl, she came and told me about how they laughed at her and it was all going so bad? I mean, she was passing their stuff, or completing it and all, but it was getting worse and worse and she thought it was personal too.
"It's just that it's been *way* more than just then. And she *wasn't* humiliated, you can see what.... They just wanted to make her feel bad. I think they'd been trying all month, her, special.
"No! I meant, I mean, not how Sydney... how she looked, at the dance... what they *wanted*! They wanted to make her a laughing-stock and her quit, I think, but....
"For the dance... she said she wasn't going to. She didn't want to anymore, after all, go through with it, rush and pledging and all. She said she knew she made a mistake on Gamma anyway, and thought maybe it'd just be better to drop out and rush again next term? But she really didn't want to, even that.
"Why? Because her dad was a stupid frat boy and always on her about how it was the best part of college and his whole life and all and she just thought that... well...
"No... she, she talked about them all the time... what they wanted, what they expected and all.... She always worries she'll never be good enough for them. Her mom, especially.
"Every weekend. She never calls but they always phone.
"They just make me so mad....
"No, I don't mind. Sorry.
"We've been good friends since summer, in July, and I guess I knew about her since our first classes, so... mid-June.
"I meant, I mean, she's kind of obvious most of the time, but I don't think she's felt... free? I mean, like it wasn't okay to experiment and express herself? And coming to school here, she's totally blossomed! I mean, it's like being a big sister and helping my little sister grow up!
"No, not... It wasn't like she was doing anything as... as *overt* as dressing up or makeup or anything, but she was so *open* and, and... like anything I suggested, she was like *so* enthusiastic about? It was fun!
"No, I mean how happy she is!
"Well, encouraging her, more than anything, really... like, she's been growing her hair out and I've been getting Kim - my friend Kimberly is just the *best* hair stylist - she keeps it neat and I've been getting her to slowly let it grow, I mean, a more feminine cut? instead of just a straight trim? And Sydney just loves it.... and it's like... a... *gift* to see her, to see how happy she is with everything.... She won't say it, and we all say it's really a boy cut and we can always find a singer or someone like it, like with hair like hers? but it's like her real *self* is shining?
"Well... I've got her to wear nicer clothes, like softer and more flattering and colors that look better on her, that I'd wear, you know, but are still almost boyish? Things like that? Oh! And I got her ears pierced and she had these *gorgeous* pearl drop earrings at the dance...
"It started before the dance, like I said.
"Okay, Gamma... Trent really, but all of them, they tell her she has to, that she has to go to the dance as a girl and she was *totally* terrified about it, and I think it was because she knew they'd all see her, and know about her, but I knew it was her perfect opportunity, like... it couldn't be *more* perfect... and I think it was that they maybe *already* saw what she was like and were just going with the flow with her and I almost changed my mind about them, but they didn't let up with the other hazing, so I dunno, and I think Trent is most of their problem, but it's just him I've seen, or Sydney's talked about, mostly, so maybe... who knows?
"Could be. En-nee-way, I calmed Sydney down and told her it was *nothing* and that they did it all the time and she was going to just be one of a bunch and she finally said I should just do what we needed. Cool, hunh?
"Well, she's a girl and all, underneath, but she hardly has any... any skills or, maybe, experience... and I asked Mom to help too and we kinda had a few strategy sessions and brought Kim in too 'cause she's already been doing her hair and Mom said we could use some of her display and runway stuff if it fit...
"Yeah. Mom owns a bridal shop, Satin Dreams? on Main? and she goes in bridal and fashion like two or three times a year and has a dozen or so dresses 'specially for them and for the store displays and some for ad photo shoots? And she says she sells them cheaper, after... well, she let us take our pick, so they can't be that expensive, then, or sellable, maybe... but they're still really like new. And Sydney's was from the last ad and *not* a red tag mark-down, lemme tell you!
"Yeah, and Kim did our hair and was a bridesmaid for the show stuff 'cause Mom said we should do that if we wanted to really do Sydney's dress right 'cause she says part of why brides are so beautiful is the ritual stuff, like the procession and unveiling and the white and all the meaning? She says it's almost hard-wired, that brides are beautiful and Sydney should be a real, total *bride* if she wanted to really knock them out. That everyone would see what they wanted to if she was perfect?
"Naw. She... I mean, I only really told Sydney what we were all going to do on Thursday, like the day before? Mom said it was enough time and I already measured her and Mom said the corsets and basques she had would fit her down no matter what and the only thing... well, the dress was no problem, Mom said, and I knew she'd worry, so I didn't tell her until we were home....
"My home. Mom's. I got her to sleep over that Thursday so we could really spend a whole day getting ready and practicing and all and....
"NO! I... she's a *girl*!
"And Mom set up the guest bedroom for her, anyway.
"Look. She's my *girl* friend. My *friend,* who I invited over so we could start the next day early, and she *slept* in the *guest* room, okay? And if I kiss her, it's no different than if I kiss my other friends.
"Look, it's... lots of people have been ragging on me and Kim... and Sydney I bet, and it was nothing like that. Hell, Syd went off with, with... with *Carl*.... and, after the dance! How stupid can people be they can't see her for what s-she... *is*?!
"Alright. Alright.
"Well, around three... Friday... we did her hair, or Kim did, put it up... but Thursday night Mom waxed her, like all over and stuff, and then she musta spent two hours on her face, on and off all day Friday, and her nails and she made her wear an old corset most of the day too so she could get used to it and 'cause she said it'd be tighter, if she was gonna get down enough and she wouldn't let her eat at *all* except these little energy shakes 'cause she said food was bulk and stuff like that. Mom's a total wedding goddess when she's like that and I think even more 'cause it was Sydney.
"Well, I guess... but Syd's been coming over all year and Mom was almost like the first one to notice her, like she said right after the first time she came over that she was so much like a girl.
"Not, not... not, like I said. She just... it's not, not like she seemed... *effeminate* or anything, but... like how she *looks* and... well, she... like, in a dress, like at the dance...? She's *perfect*! She was *born* to be a girl! Practically everyone there saw that, how she was, how she looked... Kim says so too....
"No, Sydney's all shy and she's always... she says she's a boy and everything, but she's.... She still does everything... like *everything* we say.... I mean for the dance, too, but her hair, and what I get her... to wear, like all summer and fall, now. No boy would do that. I mean... and... she's the perfect girl, like my best friend. One.
"No.... I have a boyfriend, sort of.
"He couldn't make it... he was at N.S.U. for the volleyball semis this weekend.
"He wouldn't, anyway, so I wouldn't have asked him. He doesn't like Sydney, or he... he doesn't hang out with us, with the girl stuff and all, I think, but whenever Syd's over.
"Well, Kim got our hair finished about seven, and we did our makeup... then I did Sydney's makeup, and Kim finished her hair... and then Mom'd brought out this complete set of the most perfect lingerie from the shop and she was all mother of the bride over Sydney and almost crying, but when we got her dress on....
"She was *so* beautiful.... Just... so *perfect*.... I wish everyone could have seen her... just....
"Yeah. She was totally nervous, at the beginning, anyway.
"Well... she really just had to walk the, the wedding march, we showed her, and Mom's an expert, really, and Kim and I had the, the procession theater thing down, and she was *so* precious. And the veil was just right, I mean, it was... I know she was pale when we put it on, down over her face, but by when we lifted it she was just *glowing*, all blushing... everyone was like in *awe* of her!
"Okay. Trent. Yeah. Syd was totally afraid of him I think, then, after he pulled this face, like *disgusted* much? I dunno what his problem is, but I'd rather not relive that.
"No, he was about the only one, or like so stupid about it anyway, and Neil...
"No, I mean, they all thought it was legal, even Trent was more about his own head trip than any rules, but Neil, Dee Kay and a couple of the girls' houses were... well, they did it right then for her and shut Trent up.
"Well, after that... I guess we sat down.... Charlene and Joanne and the varsity squad were right there, in uniform and everything.
"I know Char and them from Sigma Tee, and I... well, it's a small campus. I just know them.
"Yeah, we sat there and they were great and Sydney relaxed and then the *boys* started zeroing in on her. And Neil was first to ask her to dance.
"There sure were... I think like half the guys in the hall came over and asked her or were going to. Hey, there were like a half dozen guys at our table in like the first *minute*!
"No, I had to almost twist her arm to get her up, the first time, but it was Neil, and he's Carl's best bud, and isn't that perfect? She already liked him too, I could tell. Neil, I mean.
"Yeah, I'm sure he was, or trying to make her feel better? But he's *such* a prince. And I don't think she sat down more than two songs the whole rest of the evening, after.
"Well, about... over two hours, and I'll bet the last whole half or more was with just Carl, after the contest announcements. And he danced with me too, about ten... ten thirty? before he danced with her, or after their first, maybe, but he just talked about Sydney, about how she looked and her dancing and everything.
"I think he totally fell for her, all escorting her up on stage, and that kiss... and then he went all protector with those jerks and he hit that creep, and after.... He was so totally in love with her, and she... I mean, he must've been the perfect thing for her, how he was....
"They danced with each other all the rest, too, after, you know? And I heard he took her home too.
"Yeah, to get her stuff and bring the dress back, on Saturday.
"No, I never saw them leave. And I wanted her to do the bouquet toss...."
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by Michelle Wilder
One point of view
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"Sidney, I want you to lift your arm. Good, now hold it there... relax... good, good. Yes, it floats. I know, it's amazing."
"If you agree, if you want to answer yes, please lift your finger. Do it now, if you understand. Good."
"Are you relaxed? Good."
"Is the chair comfortable? Good."
"Do you feel safe? Good."
"Are you relaxed? Good... I want you to sink into that safe, comfortable chair.... Good..."
"You can speak, but will remain asleep, relaxed and aware. Do not open your eyes... good."
"Think back, remember... what was the color of the chair in my waiting room? Good. What color are my eyes? Hazel? That's not an answer! Sort-of blue."
"I want you to relax further... your arms are heavy, your head is heavy, so heavy...."
"Speak now, you can still speak, and not wake up...."
"Remember.... In your first class, grade one.... What was the name of your teacher? Sister Mary Angela? Good. I want you to relax, further... every muscle is tired, heavy...."
"Can you hear me?"
"I want you to think back, to things you remember, to real things, to things that were real."
"What color is your house? Good. What is your favorite toy? A rabbit? What is his... her? Alright, what is her name? Pinky. That's nice."
"Relax. Relax.... You're safe. Very safe...."
"How old are you now? Four? You don't know? Are you five yet? No?"
"Think. Relax and feel no fear or anxiety, and think about this. I want no answer, and I want you to be honest, as honest as you can be. Understand?"
"Are you a boy or a girl?"
"Thank you."
"You can move now."
"Here are some tissues, can you take them? Good."
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