Jan S.'s Story Treasury

I always have trouble with synopses - self-promotion makes me a bit uncomfortable, I guess. Also, just because I wrote something, doesn't really mean I can talk about it. So just go read it, and see for yourself. Erin says it is too long, and I can't disagree, but it's only 22,499 words. OK, that is kind of long, but still it can't hurt - much.

I will warn you that, although this is a fantasy site, this is not really a fantasy. It is, however, very much about fantasies. (And that includes some of my own, like the one where I'm a writer.)

INTO TALES UNTOLD
By Jan S

I owe all the gratitude I can express, and more, to Kristina L.S. for multiple beta-reads, much excellent advice (not all heeded, but that's my fault.), and a great deal of encouragement (and handholding.); and to Amelia R, who proofread this on too short notice. (My list of credits may grow, but the blame remains all mine.)

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You are about to begin reading the new story by Jan S, "Into Tales Untold". Relax. Concentrate. Dispel every other thought. Let the world around you fade. Best to close the door. Tell the others right away, "No, I don't want to watch TV!" Raise your voice...

--Umm, while you do that, I need to talk to someone.

What are you doing!?

Huh? Who are you talking to? Go back.

This opening comes straight from Italo Calvino!

So? It's a great way to start a story, isn't it? I like it anyway.

It's plagiarism is what it is. I'll have nothing to do with it.

Lighten up. I think I'm covered by fair use; at least I am now that I've attributed it. Besides, it has nothing to do with you. All you have to do is tell the story the way that you're told to.

Alright - whatever. ~mine's not to reason why....~

OK, I'm back.

... Or perhaps you live alone, well it occasionally has some small advantages; this is one, but make sure your pets -- I hope there is something warm in your house -- are well fed and well walked and ready to settle down for a while.

Find your most comfortable position. Adjust your screen if it needs it or, if you made a dead tree copy, get the pages stacked just right. Take your shoes off and put you feet up, or not; lean back, or lean forward; do whatever is best for you. Get ready.

You know this is an unusual story already....

--Boy - no kidding! - I'll be right back again.

I've noticed a problem.

Come on; just tell the story!

I will, but when I'm talking, you keep forgetting to use quotation marks.

You're always talking. That is what you do. I can't give you quotation marks; it would defeat their purpose.

You know what I mean - when I'm talking to you. You need to make it clear. The readers will just find it confusing.

Have some respect for my readers; they'll figure it out. Quotation marks are reserved for the characters.

I'm not dis-ing the readers, but they will just go elsewhere if you make it too hard, and you know it. Maybe you could separate these discussions with some little stars or use those little squiggly lines or something for my speeches.

I already started using the tilde to show implicit thoughts, and I was planning to use asterisks to separate different parts of the story. What makes you think I'm going to let you come back anyway?

Look. We have probably lost some readers in less than five hundred words. Why don't we start with the actual story and get them into it before you do all this weird stuff?

If I wait too long to do these things, it might surprise the readers; I'm afraid of causing literary whiplash.

See, you are planning more of these discussions. And you put your words into italics; I should be set off somehow.

OK, fine. I'll give you your stars. Now, will you tell the story?

Sure.
*****

Back again. ...You have no idea what to expect next. In a way, you like it like this. You take a big gulp of air and decide not to hit the button and go back to the home page just yet. You will take the risk and read on just to see what happens.

Our story begins (~At last!~) when Jerry's sister pulled off his hat, and his dark red hair fell to his shoulders. She ran into the parking lot, and Jerry chased her between and around the cars. At one point, he almost ran into a guy who had just gotten out of an old Chevy hooked to a small trailer. It was some semi-giant jock who scanned him up and down. Jerry sped up to get away from the guy and wondered whether the jock thought he was a girl too.

Jessie made two laps around their parents' cars before she let Jerry trap her between his arms. Then she yelled out, "Let me go, Miss."

Jerry dropped his arms and his eyes and said, "Just drop it, please, Jess." He meant the joke about the clerk in the store who had thought he was girl, not the hat.

Their father followed them and said, "Cut it out. You two still act like little kids. If you would get your damn hair cut, you wouldn't have that problem, Jeremy. Let's get on the road."

"Jerry, why don't you drive the van for the next leg?" their mother said from behind the man.

"Sure," Jerry said.

"Can I ride with Jerry?" Jessie asked.

"No," both parents answered, one of the few times they did something together.

"But I haven't had a chance to ride with him, and he's going away," Jessie said in one of her better fake pouts.

"He's just going to college not the gulag. He can get phone calls and IMs and everything," her mother said.

"What's a gulag?" Jessie asked her brother in a semi-whisper.

Jerry still remembered his SAT flash cards and said, "A prison or place of exile, usually one out in the wilderness."

"The wilderness part is sure covered," Jessie said.

"This is where they put the colleges your brother can get into," their father said.

"It isn't that far from some big cities, and it is a very good school with some excellent programs," their mother said.

Their father thought his point had been made, again, and didn't stress it.

He said, "Why don't you three ride together for a while? I've got to make some calls anyway." He didn't have all that many calls to make, but he wanted to listen to his audio versions of The Art of Closing; he believed no one could ever hear it too often, but unfortunately his children didn't agree. He was also aware that time together did not help his relationship with them.

Jerry and his mother started moving boxes to make room on the back seat of the old minivan, and Jessie climbed into the front. Their father walked to his almost new Mercedes and yelled to Jerry, "Stay behind me, Jeremy. I don't want you speeding."

"Sure thing," Jerry said, but he thought, ~I'll be way behind you if I don't speed and change lanes every five seconds~.

The Mercedes took off before Jerry had finished moving boxes around, and his father was sifting through his cell phone's directory as he merged with the highway traffic. Once the others were settled in the van, Jerry pulled out at a slower pace.

You are left alone in the parking lot. It is divided by a long concrete barrier, so that cars must stay on the side they entered. The building in the center of the lot is both ubiquitous and unique; designed to fill a single function and exactly reproduced far too often. The facades of these buildings sometimes change, perhaps dependant upon the cost of material at the time they were built, but the environment they create never varies.

Once inside the building you are in a very large room with a number of bolted-down plastic and metal tables and chairs. A long stainless steel counter runs almost the whole length of one side of the room. The menus of four fast food franchises are displayed behind it. It looks much like the food court of many malls, but the area behind the counter is not divided. On the opposite side of the room is another counter, selling brand name popcorn, pretzels and coffee, and a gift shop with displays of postcards and all the things that seem to exist only in roadside stores. Beyond the gift shop is another dining room with vinyl cushions glued to the seats, and where the employees bring the food to your table on larger plastic plates and provide thicker paper napkins.

Because it is midday in late August, the building is, while not crowded, heavily occupied. Some people sit at the tables in groups but do little talking. Others just stand, or pretend to look at things in the gift shop, or walk back and forth. The people here never make eye contact with each other, not even to the degree they would on a busy city street; nor do they come close to one another; it is as if everyone's personal space has expanded, or as if they were all still encased in cars.

This is a world of strangers; the building is not part of any town; there are no locals or regulars; even the counter help has come far to be in this place, and they, like everyone else here, are detached and distant.

You have entered a limbo, and whether the destination is a heaven or a hell, the denizens all appear to appreciate, but none to enjoy, the respite from motion.

*****
Whoa. Why are you doing all this? Jerry leaves the rest area, and then you spend four hundred words describing it. You're wasting time.

Well, just because Jerry left doesn't mean we're going with him right now. If you would go do your job, the readers would know we're following someone else too.

Don't you think it would be nice to warn them that you're making a change like that? You've changed the mood and even the tense you were using. Have you gone back to Calvino mode or something?

No, but I don't want to use another format tool for the change since I gave you your stars. I think the readers can follow it. Also, I want the feel of the two parts to be very different; that's why I'm risking the change of voice and tense among other things. I was really shooting for a kind of Hardy thing here, where the geography and environment affect the story.

But we barely got started with Jerry. Are we going to be jumping back and forth all the time?

Yeah, we are going to go from one to the other for a while. Now let's go; I'm writing this for a contest, you know; there is a deadline.

OK, you're the decider.

~Sometimes.~
*****

You notice the person Jerry almost ran into in the parking lot coming from the corridor that leads to the rest rooms. Just outside the corridor, he stops and waits for the rest of his family. Since this is fiction and this is the second time you have had your attention drawn to this person, you think he might be important to the story. The writer doesn't seem to object, so you move closer to examine him. You can tell he is in his late teens; you know he is large because Jerry earlier thought of him as a semi-giant; he's dressed in shorts that reach below his knees and an oversized t-shirt with the name of a rock group on it. But the rest of his appearance remains indistinct for now. Perhaps he is only a minor character and his appearance is not important enough to give details, or perhaps he is a major character about whom you must learn things slowly.

Employing the magic of fiction, you attempt to look within the person. You discover that he feels he is beginning an adventure and that he is excited by this beginning, but it creates even more anxiety than excitement for him. You become aware that there is much more to him, but either the character or the writer, or perhaps both, have those depths well protected, and you can't enter them yet.

His sister and his mother walk up the corridor. They join him to wait for the last member of the party. No one speaks as they form a perfect equilateral triangle, four or five feet to each side; in this place this seems like a perfectly normal way for a family group to stand.

The mother is smaller than her daughter, and she is wearing a dress and impeccable makeup. She seems over-dressed for a car trip in this century, and you consider the possibility that she is the kind of person that considers her appearance her best, and possibly her only, asset. Perhaps because she has felt so many emotions in the last few days, she seems to be empty right now.

The girl is in her middle teens and is large like her brother, not at all obese, just tall and broad. Her head is somewhat square with strong features, but you don't feel she looks totally unfeminine. She emits an aura of boredom, tinged with slightly more than the usual amount of teenage animosity towards her mother.

The father comes out of the hallway and walks past. The others follow; they place their food orders, go to a table, and begin eating, all without exchanging a word with each other.

The father is a huge man, over six-three and more than two hundred and fifty pounds; he walks awkwardly, still stiff from the long ride. Once seated he looks at his son and grins; he is full of pride. You realize he is recalling the day his son told him which college he wanted to go to. His child had been in tears because he wanted to turn down a scholarship to run track and cross country at a second division school and go to a more academically challenging school instead. And he had felt bad about the money! Like he would have ever tried to make the money he had if it were not for his family. He wonders if this trip is a bigger event for him than it is for his child.

It seems to him Ben, his son, has it all going for him, intelligence, physical strength, not movie star looks, but handsome and, most importantly, he has the heart to share all that he has with others. His son has a gentleness that he admires, and tries to cultivate in himself. But Ben has never seemed happy with himself; he never seemed comfortable around his peers, but he wasn't withdrawn or painfully awkward either. In fact, he took part in sports and high school clubs, often taking on leadership rolls. But the enigmatic - not detachment - separation perhaps, was always there, subtle and elusive.

All of these thoughts pass through the father's mind as he mechanically eats his tasteless meal. The thoughts follow one upon the other, never fully formed, but all fully conscious until he realizes the food is gone and thinks, ~Damn it, if I'm going to bust my diet that much, I should at least enjoy it.~

Ben wipes his mouth with a napkin, and his mother speaks the first words at the table, "That's not all you're going to eat is it?"

Ben shakes his head and slowly takes another bite of what McDonald's calls a dinner salad. His father gets up from the table because he doesn't want to hear the coming conversation, but with the excuse that he needs to stretch his muscles.

As he walks about, bending his back, rolling his neck, stretching his arms and legs, he thinks about Ben's eating problems. Part of that, he believes, is a power struggle between Ben and his mother; the food fights had begun early. Most of it, however, he blames on himself. Two years before Ben was born he had hurt his back; seriously is a relative term in such matters, but he had been bedridden for several months, worn braces and used canes for years, and after too many operations he still had many problems with it. In spite of the doctors and therapists, he had become huge, much bigger than he was now. He thinks it was the fear of being like that which caused Ben's trouble.

~But at least I got a nurse and two fantastic kids out of that injury,~ he thinks. (He met his wife while recovering.)

The next time Ben wipes his mouth, he drops the napkin onto his plate. His mother, who has been watching him intently, says, "You need more; you know what the doctors said, Ben."

Ben's father gets out his cell phone and moves further away. Ben's sister gets up and goes to see if the Starbucks counter sells real Frappuccinos ®.

Ben just finished the salad and ate most of the patty and some of the bread from a junior hamburger; it seems sufficient to him. He grimaces, then he continues the established routine by saying, "That was probably a thousand calories, Mother, and I have been sitting all day. It will be fine."

"Ben, just take care of your self; you could be big and strong if you would eat right. Bigger and stronger, I mean." These were not new words, even the apparent mistake was made at almost every meal.

"I suppose so," Ben says, staring at his Styrofoam dish, "but I think it is enough for one meal."

"Benny, I'm not going to be there anymore, you are going to...."

"I know, but I have gained weight every month for seventeen months now. I'm doing fine, and I know what I need. Please, not for the last two days, please!"

Ben's mother is silent; she admits that he has been doing well, but she still worries; she just can't understand this thing. The doctors were just dumb to talk about body image. How could any boy not like that big, strong body of his? She silently giggles when she adds, ~or any girl either~, to that thought. It was all because of that wrestling coach and because Ben was just too competitive.

Eventually she says, "Ben, I know you're doing well now. But you must keep it up! People judge you by what they see. Take care of yourself, and the girls are going to swarm to you! I know I bug you, but I worry, and I want you to be happy. You will always be my son, my little boy, Benny, so you just have to put up with me."

In the background you can hear Ben's father saying, "OK, Shelly, send me the SEC comments on Vertex if they come in - I'll be able to check email more often tomorrow - and warn Teresa I want to talk about the Albright audit on Friday; that's all I have for...." He moves away and his voice fades.

Ben smiles at his mother and pats her arm. He begins thinking about how these discussions with his mother started, back long before all the doctors. In eighth grade, he had been invited to join the high school wrestling team (He was already large, and the school was small.). It was usually a good idea for the wrestlers to lose a few pounds just before a match so they could fight in a lower class. The coach had not pushed any of the boys; he had told them of various methods and let each pick (or choose none at all); he was only looking for two or three pounds on match days. Ben eventually was using every method, every day.

The coach had told them of precautions to take; Ben soon ignored them all. The coach told them of time limits for some methods; Ben kept going longer and longer. The coach told them they were for two or three days just before a big match; Ben did them everyday and continued between seasons.

He ate raw vegetables, usually lettuce or spinach, that had been dried on the window sill for hours, and little else, certainly nothing white; he went days and weeks without drinking anything at all; he wrapped towels around his arms and legs and trunk (later he added a layer of plastic wrap), and held them in place with two sweat suits; he stayed that way even when he slept; he sat in the bathroom, dressed like that, with two space heaters on for hours. It had seemed a dream, a door, and then a dungeon, a nightmare. But it hadn't worked.

Ben reaches up and rubs an eye. His mother says, "What's the matter, honey? You should be excited."

Ben says, "Oh, it isn't anything," and smiles at her.

Ben's father is coming closer again, and you hear, "Oh, that guy again. No, it's not open business; he wants to sell me some strip mall investments. Yeah, tell him I'll talk to him on Friday. OK, go home early; no later than seven. -- Kidding. Be out of there by four, and I mean it; don't let Teresa or Adam commandeer you. See you Friday morning."

Ben's sister returns to the table with a frozen blended coffee drink and says, "What isn't anything?"

"Nothing."

His father closes his phone and says. "What's nothing?"

Ben sighs and says, "What Sartre thought about when he got sick of being."

His father laughs aloud. His mother smiles because she knows it's a joke. His sister says, "That's nothingness, dope."

Ben shrugs because his way had worked and says, "Let's get going. Remember, we've got to be there by five to leave the trailer on campus overnight."

They almost reach the car, silent again, before Ben's mother says, "I want to stop by the hotel so you can change before we go to the college."

"Lilly, we aren't going to see anyone but the security guard today, and we won't have time." Ben's father says.

"We can get the registration packets too, Mac. I just want everyone to look nice just in case."

"If we have time," Mac says as he gets into the driver's seat.

Ben picks up a laptop once he gets into the front seat (His size has allowed him to displace his mother.). Lilly gets in the back and grabs her magazine and opens it. Ben's sister connects an iPod to her head. Before starting the car, Mac looks through a CD folder and starts to take out Who's Best, but changes his mind and gets American Beauty instead. He starts the CD and pulls out of the parking space.

...It's all a dream we dreamed one afternoon, long ago. - Walk into splintered sunlight, - Inch your way through dead dreams to another land....

The car pulls the trailer onto the turnpike. The passengers all know they are traveling through a rich and abundant farming region, but they have yet to see either a crop or an animal, wild or domestic, near the highway. The world they move through is fallow and abandoned; this long strip has been surrendered to motion and haste. And Ben, like all around him, rushes to be somewhere else.

...Let it be known there is a fountain, - That was not made by the hands of men. - There is a road, no simple highway, - Between the dawn and the dark of night,...

*****
OK. I can see why you wanted to lead with the other part. This is ponderous and verbose, and you need a governor on that semicolon key!

Well, this is one way to tell a story. I admit it is something of an experiment, but it is how I want to tell this one. I want the two parts to have very different feels. It's not that verbose, just descriptive and serious. ~I hope.~

So, I've got to sound like this half the time?

Maybe.

All right, but I don't like it. Are we going to do more about Jerry now?

I was going to go on with this for a while; I don't want to jump around every time the readers get comfortable.

But this isn't even my voice! And I think this style is going to wear people out soon.

All right, we can go back to Jerry. I'm not stubborn.

Great! Oh, and by the way, it should be 'Whose Best' not 'Who's Best' up there.

Look, my friend, don't push it; just let Amelia and me worry about things like that, and you tell the story, OK?

All right, all right.
*****

As soon as the van was settled into traffic, Jessie launched into her interrogation of Jerry. It was the second day in a row that she hadn't been able to talk to him alone, and she decided her mother was the preferable chaperone; she would let Jerry decide how to disguise and edit the conversation.

"'K, tell me what happened!"

"What?"

"When you saw Linda the other night!"

"Jessie, (he briefly tilted his head toward his mother) nothing happened that hasn't happened before. We went and got some sushi, walked around some stores, then went to her house and just talked. That's it."

Jessie wasn't sure but thought her brother was claiming it had been at least a heavy petting session. She was right; he hoped she would infer that, but it hadn't been, of course. He and Linda had been friends since second form, and he had never even been a "friend with privileges", although sometimes, but not always, he had told himself he wished he were, but the time had just never seemed right. He certainly never wanted to have a romance - or be involved - with her, or anyone else; that idea was frightening and evoked images of stalkers and burning manor houses.

"So no last night together, no big breakup scene, no promises to be true? Too sad," Jessie said.

Jerry made the best laughing sound he could and said, "I've told you we are just friends, Jess. Sorry, you need to find a new fantasy."

"That's my big bro, all over. Lots and lots of girl Friends. You know Cindy says Linda is gay."

"What! Like she would know this how?"

"Well, she lives next door to her, duh, and she's seen things. If a straight woman that hangs out with gays is a fag-hag, what's a supposedly straight guy that always hangs with lesbians?"

"Knock it off, Jess!" Jerry said raising his voice; she really was going too far.

Their mother thought, ~A frustrated dreamer, probably.~ But she said, "Don't spread rumors like that and stop hassling Jerry; it is getting ridiculous. Not every boy that doesn't grope or lunge at every girl he sees is gay, Jessie. Thank God."

"Oh, I'm just kidding. I like nice boys too, you know."

Their mother asked....

*****
Hey, don't you think it is about time you gave her a name already? And you never gave Ben's sister a name either.

Thought about that, but I haven't found a place I want to mention them yet. I'll get to it, and stop breaking in so often, it breaks the flow.

Alright, but what's with the "second form" stuff; these are Americans, right?

I thought I'd let the Brits and Commonwealthers get a better idea of the ages for once and say that instead of eighth grade. I already made them look up SAT and used old style weights and heights. Seems Jerry's private school uses the old form designations, or pretends to.

But you didn't explain any of that in the story, what are the Americans supposed to think?

We had the other exposition right then, so I thought I'd clue the Americans in during one of our chats.

Oh.
*****

..."Is that 'too', as in 'as well as bad boys', or 'too' as in 'like girls like Linda do'?"

"That's for me to know and you to never find out," Jessie said.

"Fine, don't you have some reading to finish? You only have a week to get done with your summer list, you know."

"Oh, Moooom. It is horrible! And that was just real passive-aggressive too."

Jerry laughed and asked, "What are you reading?"

"'Frankenstein.'"

"Ugh. Yeah, it's bad. When you get to class, just remember that it is about man exceeding his limits and the evils of technology and like that. But I think the real moral is 'ugly is bad.' Try to get Josh Silverman or someone to claim it's anti-Semitic because of the Doctor's name; it's not totally off the wall and will destroy the discussion the teacher had planed."

Jessie giggled; she actually liked her brother, he had lots of good advice like that, but the best part was teasing him. Instead of picking up her book, Jessie got her iPod and plugged it into the tiny transmitter that would send it through the car radio; she pushed some buttons and said, "Here, this is your theme song, Jerr."

While Jessie did every corny dance move she could in a seat belt, Billy Idol yelled at high volume, "...When there's no-one else in sight - In the crowded lonely night - Well I wait so long - For my love vibration - And I'm dancing with myself - Oh dancing with myself - Oh dancing with myself...."

Jerry did all the moves he could do while driving, but before the end of the track, he took out his iPod and got it ready. When the song ended, he grabbed the transmitter and connected his player. He said, "And this is your theme song. Todd Rundgren sang, "I don't want to work - I want to bang on the drum all day - I don't want to play - I just want to bang on the drum all day...."

Jessie and Jerry banged on everything they could reach. Their mother tried to read.

Almost fifteen miles ahead already, their father was apparently talking to no one. "Oh, well, tell him congratulations, and that E. F. Kerrson called about the Bigwell Development's IPO....Alright, I'm also out of town now, but I'll call him Friday afternoon at 3:30. Nice talking to you again, Good bye."

He took the Bluetooth out of his ear and slammed it down on the seat. ~Damn it~, he thought, ~I need to get his commitment. Three more to qualify for my quarterly bonus. Damn lawyers are always bastards to close. Conceited and tricky. Must be careful, and this guy is a real big-shot DC tax guy. But a big score if I get him on board. Taking his kid to start college, huh. That could have been a great talking point, but he's probably on his way to somewhere in Massachusetts, not Podunk-e-i-o. A Liberal Frigging Arts College. Won't even mention it. Eighteen years, everything I've done has been for them, and this is the thanks I get. Well, at least I set him straight about majors. Photography or Music! Hobbies! Maybe, Literature or Psychology. Christ, if I have to pay for it, he will damn well study something useful. International Business, Economics. Pre-Law. It's still not too late for him. He could get into an impressive Law or MBA program. Then we could work on a deal together someday. Well, at least those two think of me as a Venture Capitalist, not just a broker. Why can't they just develop some ventures with potential? Like this Bigwell thing, things that build the country.~

He slammed his hand against the CD button and a professional baritone said, "Part two. Sell Today, Not Tomorrow. It is always paramount to keep the immediate advantages in the client's mind, even when discussing long term goals...."

*****
So now we have three cars!??

Yes, eight characters in three cars - it'll work.

All right, but I don't see why you have to complicate this, why not just tell Jerry's story and then tell the other one, or just post them as two different things completely. Keep it simple, stupid.

I try sometimes, but that isn't what this story is. I don't just sit at the keyboard and write, you know. Actually, the writing happens when I'm driving the car, or cooking, or listening to my boss yap. The ideas sometimes come in a flood; when I start to type, it is like opening a garden hose and then simply getting everything spayed out evenly. Most of the time, however, they bash me like rocks of all different sizes and shapes, and will keep bouncing off my head until I do something with them; at the keyboard I juggle them and reshape them at the same time and try to fit them into a structure. I've got to work with what I've got.

And sometimes they come as nylon bags of birdseed falling from a young girl's breast?

So I've heard, but be careful with the inside jokes that only a few will get.

You think that is how real writers work too?

Real writers?? How would I know? Maybe the good ones are the ones that can create their own stones, maybe they are better at building from what they have or can juggle better, or maybe they always get to build and shape their structures with the water from the hose.

But don't you think all this back and forth confuses some people?

Maybe some; maybe not; I don't know. I am trying to keep their number down. Look, we just do this for fun. It's a game the readers and I play together, like all fiction is. And I like stories that play with me too. If no one gets seriously competitive about it, then no one gets seriously hurt.

Am I supposed to talk about the Intentional Fallacy here?

No, I decided to drop that.

Oh, you're going to still do the "fiction as a field" thing though, right? I liked that.

You did?

Well, the confession you made at the end of it?

You would. Maybe later; not now. Quit procrastinating. Get to work.

At chiseling stones, huh?

I do the masonry; you're just some of the sand. Now go, before I drop a rock. Hurry! Contest! Deadline!
*****

After some more rounds of dueling songs, Jessie told the long version of the beginning of a recent feud. "...so that's when Caitlyn poured the coke over her head, and I think she totally deserved it; don't you?”

"Oh, maybe."

"Jerry, don't you see. She was being all 'Mean Girls' on people and trying to start a clique at our school, and we're famous for not being like that."

"You are?"

"Don't you think so?"

"There wasn't a powerful in-crowd like at Prep-Day. But there are lots of cliques at The Hall, Jess. The Partiers; The Existentials, some even know what that means; The Jocks, even if they do always lose; The Grinds and the Brains, who really hate each other. There was even a clique of sophomore girls last year that everyone but themselves called the Perts."

"I never heard of them. Who?"

"Well there was Cindy and Heather B. and Caitlyn and, oh yeah, Jessie Kerrson."

"We're not a clique; we're just friends. Perts is like a shampoo, gah."

Jerry spoke in a falsetto and wagged his head and shoulders so his hair flew into his face as he said, "Eww, yeah, and it's a so yucky shampoo boys use too. That name totally does not fit you four."

"You are so mean! We are not airheads at all."

"Didn't say you were. You're just pert and perky all the time, and that annoys some people. Close friends or clique; it's a fine line."

"Agh. You should start tying your hair back, Jerr, you'd look like one of the Perts then or was there a Metro clique at The Hall too?"

"Oh, Jessie fires back with her only weapon and strikes an astoundingly meaningless blow."

"All right," their mother said from the back seat, "Jerr, did you get your story finished?"

The entering freshmen have to turn in a three-hundred word story when they sign in for the orientation. Ostensibly, the stories will be used to determine their sections of the required writing seminar. They were given eight of the usual themes to pick from: use a song lyric in a story, a lesson learned, a regular day, etc.

"Yeah, maybe. It's twenty words too long; I don't know if I can cut out that many or not."

"Which theme did you pick?"

"I'm not sure of that either. It's either learning a lesson, a story using a song lyric, or a story with a story inside it."

"I hate stories in stories," Jessie said. "Why can't the writers get on with it and publish their short stories later."

Jerry thought, ~And she only has two more years of high school.~ He said, "Sometimes they're important. They explain things about characters without doing backstory, or they foreshadow plot and stuff. Pay a lot of attention to them when you're writing about the books."

"Yeah, yeah. So let's see your story, smart guy."

"I left my laptop in our father's car."

Jessie made a grab for Jerry's stomach and felt the rectangular medallion under his shirt. She said, "Like we don't know how OCD you are. Fork it over. B-T-W, big bro, only ultra-geeks put those around their necks."

Jerry pulled the flash drive out of his shirt and said, "Wrong, regular geeks do; ultra-geeks keep three or four in their pocket with the cords hanging out. It's 'Thyme', like the herb. Don't go looking at the other files."

"Like I want to know your inner-most thoughts - ugh, scary thought." When she had the file open on her laptop, she said, "OK, here it is: '"Thyme" by Jeremy L. Kerrson'. Oh, he copyrighted it, Mom. That means he thinks it's good. 'It was a time of happiness. It was a time of anxiety. It was a time of accomplishments....' Ripping off a famous opening, that's kind of risky isn't it?"

Jerry said, "It's called parallelism, Jessie. Dickens didn't invent it." He did wonder if that did echo Dickens too much though, but he really liked the way the story was bracketed.

Jessie said, "Your story; your call. 'It was a time of dependence. It was childhood.

"'"'...to Scarborough Fair? Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme...,'" the boy's mother sang as he hummed along.

"'He was harvesting two teaspoons of fresh thyme for her. Being helpful today was very important. His father was home today; he stayed in the city almost all the time now. The boy removed each leaf from the twig one by one. If a leaf had any stem attached, he used his thumbnail against a cutting board to remove it. He had the first teaspoon almost half full already.

"'His father came in and said, "You’re wasting time. Hold the top and run your fingers down the stick. See? Hurry; we'll play ball when you're done. You need the practice."

"'That morning the boy had been viciously hoeing the flowerbeds, breaking up clods and attacking the dandelions. His father had said, "That's useless, kid. You have to take your time and get to the roots. If you're going to do a job, do it well."

"'After his father left, he emptied the teaspoon and searched out all the leaves with stems. "We had a great time yesterday," he said, "He clapped and yelled, 'Way to go, boy-o!' every time I caught it."

"'His mother kissed his forehead and said, "Don't hurry," then sang, "'Ti-ime is on our side. Yes, it is...." Then she said, "You know, thyme isn't on our side really. Rosemary is, but not thyme. Add too much rosemary and you change the dish from 'Something with Rosemary' to 'Rosemary Something'. But with thyme, too much makes your mouth go numb."

"'"Yeah, too much time messes up things," the boy said.

"'It was a time of anticipation. It was a time of disappointment. It was a time of bewilderment. It was a time of realizations.'

"OK, not too shabby. I know one person who will never read this." Jessie said.

"It's good, Jerry," his mother said, changing the subject quickly. "Of course, I haven't checked your punctuation yet, and it's my very last chance to too. I don't really think that tiny flashback is a story in the story though. So you're down to two categories."

"Yeah, that was longer once," Jerry said.

"Go with 'A Lesson Learned'; that's subtler. Don't you have to mention Simon and Garfunkel and The Rolling Stones somewhere though?" Jessie said.

Jerry shook his head, he thought it too short to worry about attributing the lyrics. He said. "Yeah, I'll call it a lesson. Jess, delete the entire first paragraph and then type 'It was childhood.' at the end and tell me how many words that is."

"Two hundred and ninety-six."

"OK, I can replace some adjectives and use some conjunctions instead of the stupid semicolons and be bang on. But don't save it that way yet."

Jessie scanned the new version and said, "I like it. Very nice, Jerry. Oh! Shi-i-isss!" The last part had nothing to do with Jerry's story; Jessie had just spotted her father's car on the side of the road with the hood open.

*****
I don't really think that story....

Come on! I thought we were on a roll, and we're not done here yet.

If you say so, but that story didn't say anything about Jerry that wasn't already known and had nothing to do with the plot.

Really? I thought it added something, but sometimes stories in stories just mean the writer had a very short idea and needed a place to use it. But there are other possibilities too; you never know.

So, you misled the readers.

Jerry did say "sometimes..."; I prefer to call it irony.

You would, and you know you only got a four nested quote; I heard the record's seven.

I confess I was shooting for five, but Barth owns that record. It's deep enough to annoy Amelia anyway. (Ed. Note: ~You bet it is. Hurts my eyes to count quotation marks.~)

And you could have had Jerry's story finished instead of all the talk of editing it.

Sure, but I just think that is what would have happened with Jerry. Some people talk, and when they begin to write that becomes important to them, so they talk about it.

OK, but this story is getting longer and longer and nothing's happened yet!

I think that is just wrong. At the very least, we have built some characters. And a car has broken down. Go back to the story. And this part is short, then we're going to join Ben's family. Don't come back here when that happens. The deadline is getting closer.

All right, but why do you keep mentioning your deadline? You're the only one who cares about it.

I thought it built suspense; like the shots of the clock in "High Noon".

Doubt it.

Just go! And stay away awhile.
*****

"What took you so damn long, Kay?" were the first word out of Jerry's father's mouth as the others got out of the van.

Jerry's mother said, "That's how long it took us, is all. What happened, Ed?"

"Tire’s flat, not even a year old. Damn Germans."

Jerry was looking at the tire already and said, "Not the Germans’ fault this time; it's got a huge nail in it."

"And the idiot auto club won't come onto the turnpike unless it's a tow, so I have to sit here and wait until some traveler's aid van comes by. They said it was usually an hour, which means at least two."

"You have a spare, don't you? We can change it, Daddy," Jessie said.

"It's not some jalopy, sweetheart. It needs special treatment."

Jerry said, "The only trick is the lock on the lug nuts, I know how to do that." He was already taking bags out of the trunk to get to the jack.

"Jeremy, I don't want you to screw up my car."

"He won't, Ed. It's better than sitting here for hours, isn't it?" Kay said.

Ed didn't answer but went to find the manual and look at the instructions.

Jerry got the manufacturer-provided jack and found the special slot it needed under the car. The car was just barely off the highway, on the rounded, gravel shoulder. He started turning the crank, but as soon as the jack took some of the weight, the two legged contraption slipped in the gravel.

After the third try, Ed said, "See, I knew it wouldn't work." Jerry walked over to the fence to look for a flat rock or piece of wood to put under the jack.

Kay said, "Take it easy on him, Ed. He's trying at least."

"Well, it's a man's job, not his," Jerry's father said just as Jerry got back in hearing range.

Jessie did her best to distract her father by saying, "Daddy, did Jerry talk to you about getting a freezer for his room?"

Jerry cut in quickly. "That's your idea, Jess, not mine."

"Why the hell would he need a freezer in a dorm room? Just to waste money?"

"His roommate's name is Ben. They could sell ice cream from their room."

Ed actually laughed. "That's not a bad idea. You wouldn't need a big freezer either."

The jack had just fallen off the rock again, and Jerry said, "Except there is a snack bar right in the building. We wouldn't get much business."

"Damn it, Jeremy," Ed said. "You have to try things; be creative sometimes."

Jerry said, "His last name is McGee too. I could drop the last part of my name and we would be Kerr-McGee. We could sell plutonium rods and gasoline, and my name would come first."

"OK, make it a joke. Dell Computer was started in a dorm room; did you know that? Think outside the box sometimes."

Jerry kicked the stone he had been trying to use and walked to the van. He wondered why almost every time you heard that box expression it was being used by someone who was the box.

Kay asked, "What do you want to do, Ed? I could go to the next town and send someone back."

"Can't you just wait! I told you, I called and they won't come on the turnpike unless it's a tow job. If the aid van doesn't come in an hour, I'll ride with you and bribe someone competent to come back with me."

Kay walked away. When she got close to Jerry she started singing, "Time isn't on his side; no, it isn't." Jerry grinned at her, and she said, "He really is better in small doses, isn't he. But, Jerry, I know this to be true: He really does care about you a whole lot, and has big dreams for you."

Jerry still grinned and nodded, but he said, "Yeah, dreams and ambitions are great, as long as they're not mine." Then he walked further up the road and sat down near the shoulder and launched rocks at a fence post.

You move back up the road to Ben's car instantly. When you get inside the old Chevy, the car stereo is still singing songs from American Beauty, but since Mac likes the repeat button, and may have replayed the whole CD, that doesn't tell you how much time has passed.

Mac is trying to think about the Jamerson lease buyout as he drives.

Sunshine, daydream, walking in the tall trees, going where the wind goes - Blooming like a red rose, breathing more freely,...

Ben is typing on his laptop, and Lilly is reading a paperback, but you can't see the cover.

Don't think about what you left behind - The way you came or the way you go - Let your tracks be lost in the dark and snow....

Faye is sitting cross-legged behind her father because the seat is pushed so far back that she has no legroom. She is practicing her astral projection skills, concentrating on being somewhere else. She resents it that she was made to come on this trip, as if she could not be trusted alone for three days. She resents it that she is not allowed to drive even though she has her learner's permit. She resents it that her mother is an idiot, who she believes dotes on her sibling. She resents it that no one knows, or cares, about all the things she resents.

However, her strongest emotion is fear, or at least anxiety, and having to sit here hour after hour is just giving her the opportunity to think about her fears. She is losing Ben tomorrow.

She feels she will now be her mother's only target. She will hear twice as much about dressing better and finding the 'right' boy. Or, when her mother knows she has a boy friend, she will hear twice as much about 'being careful' (She isn't sure if that means "don't do it," "don't get a reputation," "don't get date raped," or "don't get pregnant or a disease." Her mother isn't real clear.) Her father is more understanding but always sides with her mother eventually. Ben was the only one that could ever moderate her mother's concerns (she admitted they were well meant.) and harassment. He was the only one that could negotiate a compromise with her. Now he was gone.

Her mother was imponderable to Faye. The concern for appearance was ridiculous. Faye cared about other things, more important things. And so did the boys she liked and the boys who liked her. Because no matter what she looked like, and what her mother thought (Yes, she knows her mother thinks, or fears, it.), she was definitely not a lesbian. How was she going to survive for two years?

But more importantly still, the greater fear, ~What is Ben going to do??~

Her mother interrupts her thoughts. "Faye, why do you have to sit like that? Even Pocahontas didn't sit Indian style; fold your legs to the side if there isn't room on the floor."

Faye groans. She has been sitting the same stupid way, in the same stupid spot, for most of two stupid days. But her father answers for her, "Let her be, Lilly. She's cramped back there; let her be as comfortable as possible."

"OK, I just wish you could be more ladylike, Faye." Lilly says. She reaches over to push a hair out of Faye's face. Faye swats the hand away and glares. Her mother smiles at her with the weird, indecipherable grin she gets sometimes, and says, "Mac, can you get out Joshua Tree and play that last song."

The other three all groan, but Ben gets the disc while Mac removes the one playing. "Mother, why do you like that song so much? It's depressing. Do you know what it's about?" Ben asks.

"Of course I know, it's about children getting taken away, but I like it anyway."

"But why, Lil? When it was new, you wouldn't even listen to it. You complained that anyone would record such a thing," Mac says.

"OK, I'll tell you. It makes me happy when we hear it together."

The others laugh, and Faye says, "What?"

"Well not Mac, just with both of you, and this will be the last time I can for a long time."

Mac says, "You're going to have to explain that better, Lilly"

"It was about twelve years ago - you still had Bizzy, Ben; remember, that monkey in the blue dress you always wanted to take everywhere - Mac was out of town or working late or something, and we went to a movie and got a burger, I think. Anyway, for some reason we were driving home very late, and both of you fell asleep in the backseat. This song came on; I changed over to the radio right away, it was a tape player way back then, and the tape popped halfway out when you did that. Right after that, I was going into an intersection. This big pickup whipped around the stopped cars and came racing through at about seventy. I hit the brakes so hard I went into a spin, and the back fender hit the pole on the center strip with me facing the other way. I was shaking I was so scared! And I whirled around to look into the back and both of you were still sound asleep, like nothing had happened, and somehow the tape had gotten pushed in and I heard (Lilly sings this; she's a second soprano.): 'Hear their heartbeats - we hear their heartbeats. - In the wind we hear their laughter - In the rain we see their tears'. And knowing it's about real dead children makes it mean even more, but I can only listen to it at all when you both are right with me."

Ben starts Mothers of the Disappeared.

They listen to Bono sing the song twice and are still listening to U2 when Mac sees a car with a flat tire and pulls over to help. Before he's all the way off the road, he says, "OK kids, let's do this real fast. You know what to do."

*****
That's either very poignant or just pathetic.

I guess parenthood is a pretty pathetic condition if you say that. I think I did a pretty good characterization in one paragraph, and I did it contrary to expectations but without ignoring anything that was said earlier.

Are you really going to pretend you think about that stuff?

Well, sometimes I do; not always I guess, and then it's usually after the fact. I told you ideas come like rocks hitting me in the head. Sometimes the rocks are lines, sometime they're characters or events or stories a character will tell. Whatever, OK?

Come on; we've got to get Jerry caught up. He has a lot to say before Ben gets there.
*****

Jerry had been sitting alone for almost ten minutes when Jessie came and sat beside him. She said, "Don't let him get to you, bro. He didn't even try to fix it. Can't get that Izod dirty."

"Oh, it's no big deal really," Jerry said, "but look down there, on top of the fifth post. You see it?"

"What is that? A turtle?"

"Yeah, well probably a tortoise, but they're called fence turtles. I heard about them somewhere. They show up on country roads all over the place."

"Why? How do they get up there?"

"That's the point. You know they didn't get there by themselves; that they didn't ask to be there and would rather be anywhere else; and that they don't have a clue on how to get down. But why?"

"Let's go look at it."

"It's probably dead and crawling with bugs and bacteria, Jess," Jerry said, but Jessie just walked over to the turtle anyway, so he followed.

Jessie called to him, "It's empty and no bugs, Jerr. Already picked clean.

Jerry reached Jessie as she reached out for the shell. "I wonder why the wind or the birds haven't knocked it off?" he asked.

"It's stuck on with some black stuff. Probably someone on a road crew or a farmer used tar," she answered.

"OK, we solved that great mystery. Poor guy, stuck there to starve and get eaten alive."

"No, there's some tar inside the shell too. They probably only do it to empty shells they find."

"You just really destroyed that allegory, Jess."

"Sorry, I guess. -- Do you remember about five years ago when our house had mice?"

"Yeah."

"Whenever you saw even the empty traps, you wouldn't look at them, and I was only ten or eleven and would set the traps because it didn't bother me."

"Yeah, and?"

"And the way you acted about the turtle reminded me of that. I know you hate it when I tease you, but it's really too bad you aren't a trannie, Jerr. I mean, it would solve lots of your problems with our father too; he just thanked me for trying to help; and I know you get grief worse than mine about your looks and beard and size and all, and even all my friends really like you because you're not like most guys. You listen and ... I don't know, you aren't leering and you talk. That's all."

Jerry laughed out loud and said, "Are you going to tell me I must be gay now?"

"No; and I'm not being mean, but for as long as I can remember, you've always had girl friends too. I mean, friends that were girls, you know. It's just too bad you aren't a girl, 'cause you would be good at it, and you could be more like you. I should shut up."

"It's OK, Jess, but, shit, I've sometimes had some boys who were friends too, right? And I'm not so sure I'd really make that good a girl either. And I'm not that sure I'm all that bad at being a boy. Maybe, you've got warped expectations."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, look, you just told me that I was too kind and nice to be a real boy, didn't you? That says a lot. And you just don't get it at all! Yeah, girls say that they like the 'sensitive guys', but that's crap really. Maybe when you’re older you will, I don't know, but you want guys to do handstands for you and grunt if you can get them to."

"That's so unfair!"

"It so isn't either! You think I got ragged on by guys at school? Well, you're wrong. Well, I did some, but even with most of the assholes it took something to set it off; like them realizing I was smarter, or I was a friend of some girl that wouldn't talk to them, or that they wanted to show off to the other assholes. The same guys at other times might talk about a teacher or ask about an assignment. But lots of the girls were a lot worse; it was like I didn't exist, or worse, because I wasn't hot or cool or hunky, or I was too nerdy or squirrelly looking."

"But you talked to lots of girls, like Linda and my friends."

"No, like you said before, I listened. I almost never talked, and to very few, very seldom about stuff like this. Sometimes with Linda, which is why I liked her; she didn't care that I wasn't macho; guess that makes her gay, right? And maybe it makes me gay too for wanting to, huh? With Chuck I could touch on things because he felt the same stuff, but if a boy gets too open to another boy, one or the other has to run or both have to come out of the closet. That's just in the rules and, even more, it's in the training."

Jessie said, "Come on, Jerry. Our father may be a bit like that, but Mom sure isn't."

"You got that backwards too. During last fall's midterms, when grades were such a big deal, because it was the last grades the colleges would see, he got it. When I was at his place, he told me to take a pillow in the bathroom and scream into it, or pound on it, not exactly sympathy, but it was something, and I don't even know how he homed in on that; I guess he does know about stress. The best Mom would do is suggest a ten minute break or a cookie when she caught me pacing while I studied. You sigh about a dirty blouse, and you get a hug.

"See, when you walked over to me before, you said, 'Don't let him get to you.' You thought I was mad at our father; the one allowed male emotion. I needed to get away from him, sure, but I was thinking about starting at college with all new people and an all new reputation to build and not being a geek any more. And I guess I was thinking about how I look and how it works against me. Hell, maybe you're right, and I should be a girl or gay or a fucking hermit. And maybe I should just go with it and play the part that everyone says I look. But I'm sick of not touching people and not being able to be sad or say I don't want to kill mice or talk about the pretty photograph I took or...anything. And I think - I know - if I looked tougher, I could actually be softer, maybe. Or rather show how soft I am more. Remember that guy I almost ran into at the rest area? Nobody would rag on him for picking up a kitten or something, but they sure would on me!

"But here I am. Didn't really get here by myself; didn't really ask to be who I am, and I don't know how to change."

"But I thought you really wanted to go to this college?"

"Oh, I do; that's not what I'm saying. -- You know I turned down a school that would have even impressed our father, right? Well never tell him; he thinks a diploma is just a status symbol. -- But that doesn't mean it isn't scary, Jess. It's a new start, but it will probably lead to the same end. It's all about image. It's a nice post I'm on top of, and I picked it, but I've still got to deal with it, alone. And I'm not supposed to let anyone know that it's frightening.

"Sorry, I think you opened the wrong topic at the wrong time."

Jessie said, "I think I hit the right one at the right time. You boys are always so macho and hide everything."

"Well, we darn bloody well better. Girls are looking for a knight to save them, even the strong and independent ones are; who wants a knight that can't deal with his own dragons, or mouse traps? And guys are looking to show they are knights and have a longer lance than someone else. And soon you learn to hide the scars."

Jessie put her arms around Jerry and said, "I don't care if you are a boy or not, I'll take care of your scars, and I'll look for boys who are hiding them, because they're probably the best knights for the real perils."

Jerry returned her hug but said, "Maybe, Jess, but you'll probably be too busy giggling at the apes doing handstands."

"Jerry, we don't like those guys really. It's a real pain getting stared at by those jerks all the time. I guess you don't really know how girls feel."

"Really, huh? Or do you mean you want to pick the guys who can stare at you? Look how you're dressed for a car ride. You've got overalls that barely reach your thighs, and you're disappointed your ass isn't big enough to make them real tight so your cheeks peek out, and under the bib you have a four inch strip around your chest. But you hate it when boys look."

Jessie laughed and said, "Gah, you've become a prude. This is comfortable. And they are called shortalls and a tube top, and it's at least eight inches.

"I know what they're called, but didn't want you to think I was a fag because I did."

"What should I wear? A burka?

"No, I like girls dressed like that too, so maybe I'm not gay, but - wait - maybe that's envy. Oh, well. But a burka is really another way to draw stares and stir the imagination. Maybe, that was always their purpose. You're just stuck, but don't say you don't like it.

"I will say it, because it's a girl's prerogative to be contradiction-ary-ish."

"Just go with full of contradictions," Jerry said.

"OK," she said and put her arm around him again, then added, "I think we need to go back before the parentals start fighting. But, Jerry, most girls hug back when you hug them. Maybe they all want protectors, but they like to mother people too."

"Maybe, but I think they want two different people for the two roles. Go on. I'm going to exercise the only male prerogative I know of and water a fence post."

"Sure, always lording your advantages over us," Jessie said and walked towards the cars.

Just as Jerry got to the van, an old car with a trailer pulled off to help them. Jerry's father yelled out, "Oh great! Some Okies have come to rescue us."

Jessie said, "Their license plate says Virginia, not Oklahoma, Daddy." Her sardonic wit went unnoticed; something she had counted on.

Ed answered, "Well, if you hear banjo music, run like hell."

Jessie asked Jerry her question with a look, and he said, "It's a joke about Deliverance, an old movie."

Ed saw two large teenage boys jump out of the car and go quickly to their trunk. Two adults followed more slowly, and he walked towards the very large man and hollered, "Thanks, but the aid van will be here soon. We can just wait." While he was speaking, one of the boys walked by him carrying an orange triangle and he realized it was a girl.

Mac said, "It's no problem. You can't count on those vans or the cops when you need them, and the jacks they put in cars today won't work on these shoulders. We're prepared."

Ben continued moving quickly. He got a small hydraulic floor jack and placed it under the Mercedes. Ed asked him, "Are you sure that's alright with this car?"

Mac answered while Ben worked, "You bet, even expensive cars can be lifted by the differential."

As he began raising the jack, Ben turned to Jerry and said in a soft, almost baritone voice, "You can start loosening the lug nuts, but don't take them off yet."

Jerry started trying; he removed all the pins but didn't have the first nut loose when Faye came back and said, "Kick it; it's frozen."

That worked, and Ben had the car up and was removing loose nuts by hand while Jerry was still loosening others with the wrench and his foot. Jessie rolled the fake spare tire over, and Faye put it on the wheel. She got all the nuts finger tight, then Jerry stomped on the wrench once for each nut to tighten it while Ben lowered the jack.

"All done," Ben said. He had been out of the car less than ten minutes.

Mac said, "Ben, run up there and get the triangle."

Ed walked with Mac towards the Chevy and said, "Wow, I guess you've had practice. Let me pay you something for your help."

"Not necessary; we were glad to do it," Mac said.

"But a tow company would have charged a fortune, here."

"No, really. We don't want anything."

"But I owe you something."

Mac shook his head and said, "Just help someone else sometime, or give it to charity."

"I've never met her," Ed said, "Come on, let me buy some beer for you and the kids."

~Damn It!~, Mac thought, but after three refusals, it became an argument. He took the twenty dollars Ed held out and got into the Chevy.

Ed turned around and said, "Let's get this stuff put away; did you see how fast those people worked?"

It was decided that, since the car could only go forty-five with the temporary tire, the van would take the flat tire on ahead. Jerry carried/pushed the tire off, Jessie gathered up the tools, and Kay and Ed reloaded the trunk.

They had everything put away but the plastic tweezers used on the lug- locks, which seemed to have run off.

As they looked for the tool, Jessie said, "You know that was the same guy you almost ran over at the rest stop, and his name was Ben. Wouldn't it be real weird if he turned out to be your roommate? That would be like something out of a story, wouldn't it? You've never seen your roomie's picture, right?"

"Yeah," Jerry said, "He's got a Facebook page, but he doesn't have any pictures of himself on it. That's all I need, Jessie, some giant uber-jock as a roommate. But if someone who looks like that guy knows how to use Facebook at all, he probably has it plastered with pictures of that square head. So it's probably not him."

Jessie saw the plastic tweezers under the car, and she tried to reach them without lying on the gravel. Soon she had one leg stuck way out for balance. Then she suddenly fell on her stomach and quickly got out from under the car. She backed away from the others as she said, "I can't reach it. You'll have to get it, Jerr. Mom, you ready? See you, Daddy."

Jerry got down on his stomach and slithered under the car to get the tool.

Kay said, "I guess we're going. Jerry, are you riding with Ed?"

"Yeah," Jerry said from under the car, "the tire’s taking up the third seat."

"Call us as soon as you find a station that can fix it and tell us where it is," Ed said.

Jerry got out from under the car, and the van pulled off. While Jerry was putting the tweezers away, Ed said, "You've got grease or something on your back, and your jeans are filthy. Do you have something else to wear so you don't mess up my seats?"

Meanwhile, back in the Chevy....

*****
Boss, that segue really stinks.

I'll fix it later if there's time. Thank you for staying away so long that time. Now leave.

Don't get testy. You got our two main characters together, and then they barely spoke to each other. What are you doing?

Yeah, kind of builds your anticipation, doesn't it?

No, not really.

Well, it leads to familiarity then; look, I'm not going to go in to it. They are in each other's world for lots of reasons; conversation doesn't have to be one of them.

And why did you have Jessie say that about it being like a story? Does that mean that they aren't going to be roommates now? They're never going to meet again, right?

It might mean that; it might mean the opposite. Don't depend on Jessie; characters rarely know they are characters. Well, except in Jasper Fforde's Next universe, and there they don't always know they are sometimes characters in his stories.

That sentence is confusing.

Not always. But let's get on with the story. We need to get back to Ben. He's really been getting short shrift, and he is very important to this tale. Plus, we still have a deadline, remember!

OK, I'm going. Why didn't you just start earlier if you so worried about getting done on time?

Well, when I first heard of the contest, I got this idea, and I think it ties into the theme, but I tried to ignore it because I have this major opus I really need to work on. But the idea kept pounding on me. Then after my first start, I had some computer problems and lost a Lot of my prose things. After awhile I got restarted, but now I need to hurry. OK? And when did this story become a memoir? Just go on and tell the story.

OK, OK.
*****

As soon as he is in the driver's seat, Mac hands each of his kids ten dollars and says, "That's found money, not earned. Find someone who needs it more than you do and give them at least half of it. And don't you dare buy beer with it, or I'll have your hides."

Ben and Faye both mumble their gratitude and understanding as the car pulls onto the turnpike. The U2 CD plays through one more time, and then it is replaced by Déjá Vu. The Chevy continues the long trip with Ben working on the computer; Faye listening to her iPod, rather than her father's music, and also playing games on her own laptop; and Lilly alternately reading a magazine, her paperback, or staring at the car's roof.

...Don’t You Ever Ask Them Why - If They Told You, You Would Cry - So Just Look At Them And Sigh - And Know They Love You.

As they exit the turnpike near a small city, Lilly is looking at the ceiling, and once again she is thinking about Ben. He is almost gone! But he will never really be gone. Her thoughts return to her favorite topic, how he will find a girl now, and that makes her think of the woman at church that hinted he might be gay. That's stupid, isn't it? Someone that looks like him? She knows about the sports and movie stars, but that was rare surely. Aren't most gay's in real life like the designers on that TV show? Like the one that works at her salon? The ones in Mac's office aren't that recognizable, but none are as big and strong as Ben.

~But Faye on the other hand!~, she thinks, because these two thoughts are permanently linked, and sighs ~A girl that wants to play lacrosse in college! Oh well.~

She reaches over and pulls one of the iPod ear plugs out of Faye's ear, and she whispers to her daughter, "I love you, Faye, and I always will."

Faye answers, "Yeah, I know it, Mother."

It may surprise some of you, but these very same words have come at the start of some very loud arguments between these two. We will never know if that would have happen this time or not, however, because just then Ben yells, "Yea! I Nailed It!"

"Nailed what, honey?" Lilly asks.

"My story. It is exactly three hundred words long."

Mac turns the stereo down and says, "Well, you want me to look it over, don't you?"

"No. I sure do not. This is a story, not a contract, and I don't need every term defined and not all double adjectives are redundant."

"Whoa, OK," Mac says with a grin. "Which topic did you chose? Can we all hear it, at least? I promise not to insist on clear definitions or on absolute economy of language."

"OK, but only if you promise. I did the story of a regular day one. It's called 'Hemera the Uncounted'.

"'She was born of the night after the gentlest of all labors. The first sound she heard was the cacophonous, joyful greeting of the birds. Even the humans that were aware of her arrival, even the ones meeting her on the wrong side of sleep, smiled their welcome.

*****
Cacophonous??

Go away! This is supposed to be written by a new freshman; it's another SAT word.
*****

"'She came knowing and eager for her duties. She towed her orb into the heavens; though some say it's the sun that brings the day, those who have watched the dawn know he is but an ornament she brings for her glory.

"'She had no period of play and education, but she did have a childhood. She watched and giggled as everything everywhere reacted to her arrival, some happily, some grumbling. She smiled as the woods and farms continued their slow routines, but she laughed out loud when she saw the cities burst into frantic motion.

"'She spread herself out. She reached into every hollow, under each leaf, through all the windows, and beyond curtains and shutters.

"'She did not notice the instant she stopped being something new and wondrous and became just a point in time; by then she was adult, and that was not her concern. Her orb reached the top of the sky; she breathed a sigh then, but nothing noticed.

"'When she reached old age, joy returned to the world. The hustle and the rush ended. Those who had lived within her used her decline to take their ease and seek enjoyment, but the happiness was not because of her now, and she was beyond caring anyway.

"'As it reached the end of its arc, she dropped her orb; it exploded in a million hues of red, orange and purple. It was her end; she settled into the cool, comforting embrace of mother night and ceased to be.'"

"That is really nice, Ben," Lilly says, "but don't you think they want something about a normal school day or something like that, not the actual day?"

Mac says, "That is probably what they expect, Lilly, you're right. But what Ben did fits the assignment. It proves he is a lawyer's child deep down, even if he does say things like 'everything everywhere' and 'the hustle and the rush'. I think it is a very fine story, Ben. Be proud of it."

Faye smiles at him then grabs his shoulder and pulls him over so she can rub his head.

Mac turns the music back up.

As the car exits the interstate to get onto a secondary highway, Faye asks, "Are we there yet?"

Mac says, "Nope, over sixty more miles."

Everybody I love you - Everybody I do - (oh yeah) - Though your heart is an answer - I need your love to get through - (oh yea, I really do now)

*****
I like Ben's story better than Jerry's.

Good for you. Why do you break in every time we're going to change scenes?

I think sometimes it's just so you don't have to write a transition.

Oh really! Well that's done now. Go!

OK, OK. But about this part we're going into, don't you think that everyone that reads this genre knows what's going to happen as soon as someone has to change clothes? Couldn't you develop a code, so you could just say, "Number 3," or something?

Some may think they know what is coming, but they might think I'm unpredictable enough not to be sure. It doesn't matter though. In all kinds of fiction there are set elements or familiar parts; gun fights, chases, the tender embrace of hopeless lovers, the journey there or the journey home, an Iago in the palace, everything might have been done a thousand times, but each time it is done differently, and each time any of those treatments is read, they are minutely different from what other readers noticed or even what the same reader noticed before. That is the wonder and newness of it all. That's why writing and reading are both lively arts, and that's why I keep trying, and why sometimes it is fun.

So, you managed to get me on to a didactic tangent. Gratz. But that's enough. GO! STORY!

I guess I’d better.
*****

Jerry answered his father, "No, my stuff is all in the van."

"Well, that's your sister's bag. Get some of her jeans out, or something."

"I'm short, but I'm two inches taller than Jessie, and my waist is bigger too. This box has my sheets and towels in it. I'll just cover up your seats, OK?"

"Better than nothing, but take your shirt off. Wear one of her shirts or get my golf jacket over there if you're too modest."

Jerry took off his shirt and put on the nylon jacket. It wasn't so much that he was modest as embarrassed; he thought he was way too thin, and he had a deep hollow in his chest that had drawn comments in gym classes for six years.

He threw a sheet over the seat. As soon as they were in the car Jerry asked, "Do you think there is any way we will get there in time to pick up the paperwork and information today?"

"I don't think so, but as soon as we get to the service station, you can leave with your mother," his father said. Once they were settled into the traffic, he said, "I'm sorry about this, but I'm going to have to leave early in the morning. This client is getting back in town on Friday, and I should be in my office when I talk to him."

"That's OK. We can unload your car into the motel room and then shuttle it to campus in the van. You'll miss the president's reception for parents and all that though."

"Yes, I hate it, but it can't be helped."

Jerry thought, ~Yeah, I bet you hate it.~

Ed went on, "He's taking his kid to college this week too; maybe we will compare our adventures."

"That's good, where's he going?" Jerry asked as he picked up his laptop and opened some downloaded manga.

"I don't know, probably some Ivy, or almost Ivy; this guy’s a big time Washington lawyer, probably used to people giving him what he wants. You're not going to keep reading that kind of stuff when you live in a dorm, are you, Jeremy? That kind of thing is just like your hair, it makes you a target."

Without looking up from the screen, Jerry said, "I don't think either one is the problem,"

About two minutes later, Ed said, "Have you given any more thought to what courses you want to take?"

"Well the English I have to do. And I thought I'd take the Art Theory photography section, because they don't teach it all the time," Jerry answered and then held his breath.

"I thought you had given up on all that stuff and were going to do International Business or Relations, or Pre-law. We've discussed this."

"I still have to do six hours of fine arts sometime. I can't do economics until I find out what they're going to do with my AP score, and I can't do any International Relations courses until I've done the two Western Civ. courses. I'm just getting the requirements out of the way early. All right?"

"Listen, Jeremy. You're getting an opportunity. You may not realize it, but not everyone does: four years, expenses paid. I didn't get that! Don't blow it; use it to open doors, not on some stupid dream."

Jerry glared with as blank a face as he could manage, and Ed was silent for awhile, then he said, "You've heard the adage 'to thy own self be true' before."

Jerry put as much disdain and condescension as he could into the next word. "Yes."

"Well, pay attention it, because you can't depend on any one else to be there when you need them."

"I'm not relying on you for anything but tuition for four years; you made that agreement ten years ago to get out of alimony."

"Did she tell you that?"

"No, you did. In the middle of a tirade about three years ago. And by the way, that sage advice you just gave me? It is spoken by a fool in the play it comes from."

Ed stared straight ahead and gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white.

Jerry looked out the window. He had promised himself he was not going to get goaded by his father. After five minutes, he was as mad at himself as he was at Ed. He sighed deeply and tried to read the manga again.

Ed continued his isometric hand exercises for an additional five minutes. He tried to relax (He had a routine for that that he used in sales meetings.) and tried to concentrate on the road. Eventually, he tried to begin again. He said, "Jeremy -- Jerry."

Jerry turned his head slowly.

"I think you’re right. Polonius was a fool; a lot of that speech is pretty dumb. He starts off talking about how to make people think well of you; just worry about your image no matter what, then ends with 'be true to your self''. - What? You're surprised that I know Hamlet? - So, that's sort of foolish, and I was getting ready to do the same thing in the other order.

"But I think 'be true to yourself' is good advice; what makes it foolish is what comes next. 'Then it must follow, as the night the day, you can be false to no man.' Or something close to that. That doesn't seem to work at all. I have been false to a lot of people in my life. The bad part is that those were usually the people that I thought of as a part of myself.

"So try this advice on for size instead. Take care of your self; work for goals. Prepare for the bad, and always be ready to take advantage of the good that happens too. That is not only taking care of yourself but is also the way you take care of the ones you love. But try not to lose the people in the process, because they are the reason for it all.

"Jerem...Jerry, it doesn't take a court order to make me care about you, I sometimes thought it took one to get you to visit though. No matter what, I'll always be your father and, even if your hair reaches your ass and you become an art major, you will always be my son. We're stuck."

Jerry looked at his father. Jerry looked at the floor. Jerry said, "Sorry."

"Hell, don't be. Just don't say that. It's not your responsibility; never was."

After a pause Jerry said, "If you want to listen to an audio book, I'll use my earphones for some music."

"As long as it's not hip hop, you can use the car system. You can plug the computer or your iPod right into it; the cords are in the glove box."

"No, it's not hip hop," Jerry said. He started a shuffle of his guitar instrumentals folder.

"Who is this? You like this kind of music?" Ed asked during the third song.

"This is Christopher Parkening playing a Bach Cantata; the first two were Segovia; there's a few things by Kottke in this mix for the surprise."

"Kottke, I've heard, long ago. Segovia, I've heard of. Do you play the guitar like this?"

Jerry smiled and said, "Nowhere even close, but I play this kind of guitar."

"You any good?"

Shrug "I played in the dining hall at school a couple of times, and that end of the room got quiet. I took that to mean I don't suck."

"That's probably a great compliment. You don't do rock and pop?"

"Yeah, I do some, but the last couple of years I've been working mostly on the classical and 12-string. Mom gets annoyed when I practice on the electric, and I guess, I sort of like being weird about some things."

"Are you going to take a performance class at college? Is there anyone there to teach you?"

"Maybe, they only count as a third of a regular class. They have a pretty big music school, so there should be a classical guitarist; I have to audition to get in though."

"If there isn't, I'll pay for lessons and a train ticket to some city every other week to take a class. That might be a very long trip though."

"Really??"

"Sure, you could have a career playing in the subway to fall back on."

While this discussion was going on in the car, Jessie was sitting in the van in just her panties.

*****
Now THAT'S a good segue. Backslash sarcasm.

I bet it grabbed some people's attention. Do you think that everybody in the world knows HTML and that that means "end of sarcasm"?

No, but not everybody knows that Ben & Jerry's is an ice cream company or that Ivies refers to a group of prestigious universities in the United States either; that didn't bother you.

Actually, it did, and there are lots more, but there is only so much I can do in the story before it gets in the way. It is a problem with writing for people that are developing separate languages.

Also, I know that the connections are rough at times. You don't need to keep reminding me, but there have been a lot of them.

No kidding, the readers must feel like ping-pong balls by now.

I really hope not. I've tried, but it is an unusual story.

Yeah, so why don't you fix it?

I said unusual, not broken. Look, I don't really need this flak. It takes a lot of ego to post any story; it is one of the most arrogant acts I can imagine. People say the writers give the story away, and that is true, but they are also saying, "Here is a piece of me; my creation. Now enjoy it." How can the writer ever know? Even with comforting beta-readers, you can't be certain how the world will react to that gift. I mean, you're one person; how can you portray others with very different experiences; how can anyone think others care about their thoughts, when they know themselves to not be very wise? Why should others enjoy something that is basically a writing exercise?

Trouble is, most writers don't have that much self-confidence, at least most amateur ones don't. It is a maddening thing. Every story starts from scratch; you imagine your audience, but you don't really know your audience. It's like cooking a meal and not knowing who will show up to eat it. With cooking, even most new dishes build on known ones, like Sole Florentine Curry or something, and the cook can have trust in the ingredients. The ingredients in all stories are the same, twenty-six letters and a handful of punctuation marks. You may use a few tried and true elements, but you rebuild even those from tiny particles, so you are doing more than combining known dishes too. This story is even more maddening because it's a cuisine that's new to me and a lot of readers.

Before you were making walls out of stones and water; now you're making Pad Thai out of letters?

Let the readers decide what dish it is, and don't mangle my metaphors. Go on back to the story before Jessie catches a cold. The deadline's closing in.

Relax, it's Thursday night; you have a week, and only three or four pieces to go.

That's not so long, and I have to get it to Amelia, so she can sort out the homophones and commas and other things, and I want her or Kristina to tell me if I'm keeping any part of the room quiet or not. Hurry!
*****

Kay said, "You weren't wearing a bra under that?"

"Nah, I only have one strapless one, remember? Besides, didn't you hear Jerry before? I'm pert and perky." Jessie looked down and moved her head back and forth. She said, "I don't know which one is which."

Kay said, "You are a lot more than your breasts, young lady, and don't you forget it. Get a shirt on before a truck driver looks over here and we have a five car pile-up."

"I can't believe this happened, I liked those shortalls, and that grease is going to ruin the top too. Does Jerry have his clean stuff in this backpack?"

"I don't know; what he calls clean might not be what we call clean anyway. Why didn't you tell me you had ripped your shorts before we left? We could have gotten your things from the other car."

"I didn't want Jerry or our father to know!"

"Jessie! They're going to know when they see you in Jerry's clothes, anyway."

"Yeah, but I won't be wearing the ripped ones then. Does this smell clean to you?"

"If you can't smell it, it's fine; you haven't got a lot of choice. That isn't what he wore yesterday anyway."

The black shirt with the CBGB logo was more than one size too big, and once she had it on, Jessie asked, "Do you think this is big enough to wear as a skirt?"

"Not unless you're four, it isn't. There are pants in there too, and use his boxers to get the dirt and grease off the seat before you get it on that shirt."

"Yuck," Jessie said as she picked the shorts up with two fingers, but she did manage to wipe off the seat.

Kay laughed and said, "You're probably going to wash some man's underwear someday; better get used to it."

"But not his!" Jessie said as she put on the charcoal cargo pants. Luckily, they still had a cloth belt through the loops that she could pull tight enough to hold them up.

"Mom, do you think Jerry is gay?"

Kay almost said, "How would I know?" but decided even that was too much of an answer. Instead, she said, "Would it make any difference to you?"

"Well, yeah. I wouldn't hate him or anything. But he would be different."

"Jessie, your knowing that would not change Jerry at all.”

"But I'd know he was different. I mean, gays care about different things than other boys, and they act different."

"There is only one different thing that gays care about that other boys don't, or I guess they just care about it differently, and they don't all act differently either. Not all gays are fashion designers or even like quiche, Jessie."

"How can anyone not like quiche? It's eggs and cream and cheese and pie crust?"

"Jerry's right; you are perky, and it can be annoying. But what brought all that up?"

"Well, the way he looks, and something he said about not being able to show how he feels because he's a boy, and things."

"OK, you just stop with the remarks about his looks. It's been enough, and it means nothing. I guess the second part is true; it can be hard for a sensitive, tender boy, but I think lots of men and boys might have that problem and not be gay."

"What would you think if he were gay?"

"It would make me sad, I guess. But just because of all the things he would lose. The world is still very hard on gays. I know a great periodontist that is gay, and I've had patients get real mad, and some leave me, because I referred them to him. But gays lose more than that, I think. Some adopt now, but it is very, very hard for them to, and even with that, they can't have their own child with someone they love, which I would find hard. Those are only the tip of the iceberg, but people can't control their attractions. And people that think it's a choice are not thinking it through."

Jessie waited about half a minute before she said, "What attracted you to our father?"

Kay sighed before she said, "I guess that is a change of subject, and I wish you and Jerry didn't refer to him that way. He was cute! Don't you think he still is?"

"No, but I can see how he could have been."

"We met my first year of dental school. He was the manager of a stereo store and still in college part time. He wanted to get into veterinary college, and he volunteered at an animal shelter too. He had two dogs and three cats; every one with a missing part or crippled in some way."

"Like Bangle, that dog we had with the front paw that just hung down?"

"Yes, he survived until you were eight; you don't remember the almost blind cat with the bald face, do you? Back then, Ed always had some temporary animals he was taking care of too. How was I not going to fall in love with him, Jessie?'

"What happened to him?"

"He grew up, maybe. And I was very selfish."

"How?"

"I wanted two children and was sure it would be best to have them before I started a practice. So he quit school - took time off, we called it - and became a district manager for the chain of stereo stores, and we got married. Three years later, we had two children; I had a year and a half of school left, and the chain of stores went bankrupt. He got scared; he got a real estate license; he got hungry; he got a brokers license; he got hungrier; he got successful; he got ravenous, and I don't mean for food. And that's all I'm saying. Put your headphones on."

"Do you still love him?"

"No. No, I don't, but I wish you did, because he deserves it and loves you, and I still love who he used to be, and I understand why he is like he is."

Jessie put her headphones on, and soon they pulled into a service station. While Kay went into the office, Jessie opened the back door and started to take the flat tire out.

A boy that Jessie thought was probably a high-school senior, came out of the service bays, and said, "Hey, let me do that for you. That's what they pay me for."

"OK," Jessie said.

"This isn't from your car," the boy said.

"No, it's my father's. He's behind us."

Kay came out and yelled, "Jessie, I'm going over to the Farmer's Market across the street. Wait here and watch for your father."

Jessie waved and hollered, "OK."

"Well, it won't be hard to find the hole with the nail still in it. Want to watch me fix it?"

Jessie hoped this invitation showed interest, even if it couldn't go anywhere, and wasn't going to turn it down from an older boy. "OK. I don't know how you do that."

"Come and see. Where you headin' you need two cars."

"We're taking my brother to college."

"Oh, bet you're happy he's going; I remember when my big brother left. But you'll miss him next week."

"I already do a bit; he's OK."

"What's he gonna study at college?"

"He wanted to do Music or Photography, but my father's making him do Economics."

"Wants him to get rich and support him in his old age, huh?"

"I guess."

"What's your brother play?"

"Guitar, but mostly real weird stuff, like classical music. And we both play the piano some. You go to school here?"

"Yeah, got one more year, and then I'll probably go to State. That's done; just gotta blow it back up. Don't think I've ever heard classical music on a guitar.

"Well, Jerry is really good. His fingers move so fast I can't see them some times. But it makes him look kind of freaky, because he keeps the finger nails on one hand real long, and real short on the other."

"That is weird. That them? Wave them over to the front of this bay."

Jerry got out of the car carrying his laptop, and as Ed got out he said, "What happened to your clothes, Jessie?"

"They got messed up changing the tire."

"I'll go in and pay. Is that your mother crossing the street? Jerry wants to hurry."

The boy who had fixed the tire rolled a large jack out and said to Jerry, "Your little brother was telling me you're a great guitar player."

Jerry almost laughed but caught himself and said, "Oh, I just try. Jesse is just a great little guy."

Jessie almost screamed but caught herself and said, "We’d better hurry and go. I have to talk to Dad a minute."

Jerry stayed and talked to the other boy, trying to gather some ammunition, and Jessie caught her father just as he came out of the office.

Jessie said, "Daddy, that boy thinks I'm a boy; don't tell him I'm not, please."

"What game have you been playing, Jessie?"

"Nothing, it's just these clothes."

Kay had arrived just in time to hear that and couldn't help laughing at her daughter, "Jess, you will never see him again."

"I don't care; just don't tell him, please."

Jerry walked over and was no longer hiding his laughter. He said to Ed, "What you should do is tell the guy that Jessie is really a girl on the inside."

"Just Shut Up, Jerry!" Jessie growled.

Jerry continued laughing and said, "Or the other way. That you're a boy stuck in a girl's body!"

"Stop it!" Jessie said and stomped over to the van.

Ed was chuckling too. He said, "Jerry still wants to try to get the class schedule and things today, Kay, so you better take them both.

"Yes, let's go. Bye, Ed. Are you going to try to meet us on campus?"

"Yes, if it's before six thirty, otherwise I'll go straight to the motel."

Kay said to Jerry, "I'm driving; you're too giddy right now," as they walked to the van.

Jerry opened the front door and made Jessie move. "The big brother always rides in front, li'l bro," he said.

Jessie crawled into the back seat without a word, only a nearly audible scowl.

As soon as they were on the street, Jerry said, "So, do you think they will let you play quarterback this year, little bro?"

Quietly, not angrily, Jessie said, "Just drop it, please, Jerry. It's not funny."

Kay said, "But you thought it was real funny at the rest stop when someone thought Jerry was a girl, didn't you."

"That's different. This is totally gross. I'm never going outside without an underwire again!"

Kay said, "It's not different, Jess."

Jerry didn't quite let her finish and said, "Maybe you should get breast implants, Jessie, like about 44 quadruple D's."

Jessie screamed, "And maybe you could get a hair transplant on your face, big sister!"

It was Kay’s turn to yell. "Enough! You are both on timeout for ten minutes!"

"Mom," Jessie said, "We're sixteen and eighteen. You can't give us a timeout."

"Fifteen minutes," Kay said quietly enough to scare both her children.

Jerry and Jessie each had laptops, iPods and books, so the punishment was only symbolic, and they both laughed as they put earplugs in, but somehow that actually made it worse.

Jerry started his guitar mix again. He looked out the window and watched as the car went around the outskirts of a small city. Soon he was looking at his reflection in the outside mirror instead.

*****
When will you make an end?

When I'm done.

Well, this story is now almost twice as long as you said it would be.

So what? Do you want a raise or something? I don't pay figments of my imagination.

That's low. Does anyone know you talk to imaginary friends?

The people that know I write fiction have probably figured it out. Look, the story grew, or I underestimated, or both. I've already taken out the part about Shah Jahan and eggs and cholesterol, and the part where Faye views her life as a part in a teen flick, and the one where Kay talks about the choice of a cat or a dog for a pet and its relation to gender roles; I even abandoned the part where you got mad and left, and I had to do the story as a play for a while.

Some of those might have managed to be funny.

Well, I never know, do I? Dying's easy; comedy's hard. The only big thing left to remove would be all of your interruptions.

Wait! You don't want to do that!

No, I don't. Sometimes I think it could be a better story that way, but it wouldn't come as close to the vision I had for it.

I thought you cut the bit about Shah Jahan and the Taj.

I did. Go tell the story and don't come back until they find the cat.

Am I going back to Ben and the present tense now? It's been a long time.

Yes, for a little while.

So, you did use me to cover another transition.

Maybe. - Hurry. Times ticking. Move.

You should put a domination tag on this story. -- I'm going, I'm going.
*****

The Chevrolet and the trailer are still moving down the country highway. Outside the car, the land has changed. It is flatter, and now there are dairy cows in the pastures; plowed fields abut the road and show the remnants of harvested corn and sorghum crops. Ben's family is one I find unusual, perhaps you do too; they are not talkative. Within the car, it is silent still, except for the music. You enter the car just after Lilly has been allowed to hear Mothers of the Disappeared "one more time", and the CD is now playing other U2 songs again.

I wanna run - I want to hide - I wanna tear down the walls - That hold me inside.- I wanna reach out....

Ben is staring out the window, counting cows. You look closely at him and see a single drop of moisture in the corner of one eye. On another car ride about ten years ago, Ben had watched the cows with a friend; they had tried to find pictures in patterns on the Holsteins; because the cows went by so fast, it was impossible to check each other’s claims. It had become silly; fantastic scenes of dragons and maidens, great ballet dances, and crowded forests with many animals had been spotted. That day the two children had been best friends for ever and ever.

I have run - I have crawled - I have scaled these city walls - These city walls - Only to be with you - But I still haven't found what I'm looking for....

Two or three years later, she had told him to go away because he was too rough. She had never been hurt playing with him. He had been big even as a little child and learned that leaning on someone or patting a back was forbidden for him. It had always been his responsibility to avoid any scuffle, even with boys, even with known bullies, even in play.

Once girls had been his friends, but it became the time when, for the girls he knew, boys became something different and alien. They became something to discuss and joke about, but not something to be playmates with. He was big and strong, and he was seen as the epitome of boyness, and he was avoided no matter what his behavior was. A few years later, the girls returned, but what they sought then was not within him, not what he could give; what they offered was not what he wanted.

You see the reflection in the outside mirror at the same time that Ben does, and at just that instant, he hears some lines of a certain song. This song has played many times in the car today, but then Ben had been concentrating on his story and had not heard them. The whole song is not about him, but those lines sting every time he listens to them.

....but I only see one way out. - You gotta cry without weeping, talk without speakin’ - Scream without raising your voice.
You know I took the poison, from the poison stream - Then I floated out of here,...

Ben waits for the last line of the song. It is Ben's line.

She's running to stand still.

Ben closes his eyes momentarily, then puts in his ear plugs and starts his iPod. You can hear Eric Clapton singing "Wonderful Tonight" as you watch Ben move his fingers though his almost shoulder length blond hair.

She's wondering what clothes to wear - She puts on her make up - And brushes her long blonde hair....

This is a special group of songs; the complete songs are not always important, however; sometimes only a single line or just the refrain is. But Ben has had practice; he knows when to hear and when to ignore. He usually only listens to them when he is alone in his room, sitting at his desk, looking into his mirror. Today he is among people and only has the small mirror outside the car. It is enough; he believes it is his very last chance.

And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills - 'Til the landslide brought me down - Oh, mirror in the sky - What is love? - Can the child within my heart rise above?...

Usually he is wearing a sarong when he hears these songs, and a shirt he has cut off just above his ribs. He has claimed the sarong is comfortable because it is hard to find pants to fit his large thighs. He wore shirts like that at pre-season football practice when it was very hot. It wasn't much, but it was almost enough, at least, better than the other choices.

While looking in that mirror at home, he would hold his head so that only his one pierced ear was reflected. That was not enough.

I tried to answer truthfully - Whatever happened to my eyes - Happened to your beauty - Happened to your beauty -What happened to your beauty - Happened to me

He cautiously strokes one eyebrow so his father cannot see; it is already wide and thick at eighteen, and the hairs would have been longer if he hadn't carefully cut them with cuticle scissors; the ridge is already prominent, caveman-like he feels. He cautiously moves his hand along his already receding hairline and across his too broad forehead. He furtively rubs the cleft in the chin his mother says looks like Kurt Douglas's; then moves a finger along the right angle of the jaw that many people compare to Arnold Schwarzenegger's. He thinks the hand and finger he just used are ungainly and gnarled; they and their knuckles are so large. If he had been in his room, alone at this time, he would have taken out some lipstick and applied some to the area around the thin line in front of his teeth that he does not call lips. He feels the large lump in his throat, both inside and out, and wants to pound it down. He was sometimes told he was handsome; that is not a quality he seeks to judge.

Stay, lady, stay, stay while the night is still ahead - I long to see you in the morning light

At home, alone in his room, he might have put powder on his cheeks, but it never hid the lack of cheekbones. He probably would have used eye shadow and mascara, but they never really made his eyes seem larger, or closer together. His sister only wore these things after a lost fight and was his un-discussed, surreptitious supplier. He believed she thought he had a fetish and let her think that, but you remember Faye's earlier fear and know that she knows the unspoken truth.

When Ben was young, he had longed to do things generally forbidden boys, and had done a few, far too few, with the excuse of entertaining his little sister. He had not wished he were a girl until one day she knew it was a fulfilled wish and she had always known it. But that she could never, never show it, anymore. When the realization came, she was past the age to count on fairies and genies, so the wish of being given the body she needed was never made, not even within herself.

What I am is what I am - Are you what you are or what? - What I am is what I am - Are you what you are or -
Oh, I'm not aware of too many things - I know what I know, if you know what I mean....

She was, however, old and young enough then to have faith in medicine and science. She dreamed of having her body changed. She watched as it seemed her body destroyed that dream too. She fought back, hard, but her legs got bigger; her hips got smaller; her shoulders got wider; she became taller than the onetime giant, her father.

Ben dreams of companionship, of affection, of tenderness and love; but she does not think of sex, and she visualizes no partners. The image of every male is only seen as closer or further from that of a female. Every female image is something amazing and unattainable. She is chaste in ways that word is no longer applied. She does not have the tools for self-pleasure that respond to actions she wants to use, and all fantasies are painfully incorrect.

Ah, you fake just like a woman, yes, you do - You make love just like a woman, yes, you do - Then you ache just like a woman - But you break just like a little girl.

She can't look at girls and long to look like them, that is beyond fantasy to her. She looks at men and boys and measures their suitability for transition. That is as close to the inner reality as she dares to venture, and every year, week, day it moves further and further away from her.

The desire to appear as what one truly is is well known to many kinds of people. Ben dreams of being able to dream of appearing to be what she is. The futility of dreams is well documented.

She is alone within her body; she exists only, alone within her soul.

You gotta cry without weeping, talk without speakin’ - Scream without raising your voice....

Ben uses the seek button to hear the line again.

You gotta cry without weeping, talk without speakin’ - Scream without raising your voice.

She puts her large hand across her eyes. Not to block the light that penetrates their moisture but to hide them from the world.

Mac touches Ben on her shoulder, and she looks around, pretending to have been asleep, but Mac is not fooled.

Mac asks, "Nervous?", and Ben nods.

"Don't be, Ben," Mac says. "I have always been proud of you, and I always expect to be." He laughs and adds, "I didn't say that to add pressure, you know, but I guess it could be taken that way."

Ben only smiles.

"I'm not going to do the fatherly advice bit today, because I don't think you need it. You have always worked hard, and you have always cared about others; those are the makings of a good person, and I know you will keep doing them.

"I also suspect you are smart enough to know that hard work is not always a guarantee of success. But still don't be nervous. Just be who you already are and remember I love you, and so do your mother and Faye, and no matter what ever happens, you will always be my son."

Ben only smiles and nods; those are the only responses expected from her. She cries only hidden tears; she talks, but never says a word; she screams silently, and no one ever, ever hears.

She watches the buildings of her new college approach.

The image that looked back at Jerry as he served his timeout was not a pleasant one. The face was oval with out much of a jaw, and the skin was too smooth, but mainly it was about hair, his eyebrows were too thin and curved a little. Then there was his beard. It was dark but so thin; he thought it had about one hair every square inch. The result of some Native American blood in his mother's background, he was told.

But his problems had begun long before anyone looked for any hair on his face. Picking two short parents had been a bad mistake too. He sighed. The little girls had always called him over to play; the little boys had not. Long before he was nine, he had stopped correcting the strangers and store clerks. The teasing at school was about his behavior as much as it was his looks. It seemed to him there was no right thing to do with arms or hands or feet.

He didn't exactly feel good about the way he had treated Jessie, although she did have it coming. He had spent too much of his life dealing with things like that.

He has always avoided many situations, like never trying out for a play for fear of frilly costumes, but people always tried to talk him in to wearing things or doing things because "he would look so cute." Even boys, even friends, even adults. He hated being cute! He hated the word!

And he has always hidden other things, like his collection of close up photos of flowers and butterflies. And he dressed in disguise, with T-shirts for bands he didn't like (Well, he didn't actually hate the Ramones or Nirvana.). The jocks at his school, the studs, could wear lime green and even pink; most bright and vivid colors were not allowed in his life. Even red and all but very dark blues could only be worn occasionally.

The van left the interstate and began the last leg of the trip.

He didn't really believe it, but thought maybe Jessie was right. Perhaps he did belong on the other side of that heavy line. He wasn't good at sports (Of course, because he never had been, he had never practiced.). He liked the wrong kind of music (He preferred melody and tone to driving rhythm.). And he never liked seeing things get hurt (not even in graphic video games,), nor had he liked jokes about that. These were major points against his really being male.

Or a least a straight male. And he didn't know about that either. Eighteen, and he didn't know!

When he was almost thirteen, his favorite team had called up a rookie shortstop -- big head, big jaw, curly light brown hair. He had become Jerry's favorite player. Maybe that was just envy. ~At least he became a starter; that made it easier to explain the poster.~ Jerry thought.

And what about the games in the attic with Ricky when he was thirteen too? But god, Ricky sure wasn't gay now; he was a super-stud. At least by reputation he was. But wasn't Don Juanism just a way to hide homosexuality?

And that boy that Jessie used to know, the shy one that always kind of hid in the corner; Jerry had wanted to comfort him so much even the first time they met. It turned out he was a cutter, he used scissors to make scratches on his arms; Jerry had cried the night he heard that. He knew that cutters were almost all girls. Maybe that boy was very feminine inside and that was part of his pain, and Jerry's attraction. If you loved a guy that was very feminine was that really homosexuality at all? Well, yeah, because many gays were very feminine, more feminine than any woman sometimes, but that didn't really make sense. Why not a woman then?

The landscape was turning into what a landscape should be; there were fields and animals around now.

But he really liked being around girls a lot, but that was an argument either way, wasn't it?

Shouldn't he just know this without having to reason it out?? He was eighteen already! It was stupid; he was one of the last eighteen-year-old virgins in the bloody world, and he didn't even know who he wanted to bust his cherry with. In the shower and in bed at night, when he did 'that' (And he did 'that' a whole lot, he admitted.), the images were sort of amorphous. His thoughts were about caresses and touching, not a shape or anything else.

And it was always over too soon, damn it, sometimes before he was even hard. What if that happened with a girl? And it would. It would be world wide news in a day. If he did it with a boy, the boy couldn't really tell anyone - except the other gays, and there that would go too. No matter who it was, he would lose a friend and be humiliated.

Maybe that was one of the reasons he had never been attracted to Linda in that way. It would have cost him a friend.

~Why aren't all these things about love anymore? Why the hell are they all just about image and shit,~ he thought.

Jessie was rubbing his shoulders - had it been fifteen minutes? Then he realized that she and his mother had been talking for some time. "Huh," he said.

Jessie said, "I'm sorry about all the stuff I've ever said about how you look. I guess I've learned my lesson. And I don't really think you look like a girl anyway; you're very masculine.

Jerry said, "You're lying."

"No, not really. It doesn't matter, I love you, bro, and I like the way you are and the way you look. And I even told that guy back there that I already miss you a lot."

"OK, I'm sorry too, Jess. I know it feels bad. And I'll probably miss you a whole lot too."

"Say you love me, Jerry. Come on. I did."

"I - lofff. - I lloss. - Iloveyaaarrr. Doesn't work, but you know what I mean."

Jessie hit him (not very hard) on the head and said, "Boys!"

Kay said, "You know, I wish you two didn't have to be worrying about that so much. You put too much emphasis on looks and even gender. When I was starting college, it was the height of the Women’s Movement. Girls were just learning that they could be doctors and lawyers, at least the ones that weren't extraordinary were. But we are still all locked up with these same roles, and even the 'Gentlemen aren't gentle' BS.

"Jerry, you are smart, very talented, kind, and you work hard. Shouldn't that be enough? You're entering a much bigger world now. Just go out there and be who you really are inside, and find the people who will like you like that! It's a big world, go beat it.

"And Jessie, I think you could do a bit of that too. Both of you, stop categorizing so fast, and stop trying to fit the mold so much."

Jerry chuckled and nodded.

Kay laughed at herself and said, "Boy, did that ever sound like a sermon! And I had promised myself that I wasn't going to do the obligatory, parental, matriculation-day advice thing. I sure blew it, didn't I?"

Jerry said, "Don't worry about it. I wasn't listening anyway," and was rapped on the head again. Then he said, "You mean you weren't even going to tell me to floss?"

"No, I wasn't," Kay said, "because you will. No matter what happens, you will always be a dentist's son."

Jerry began to hold forth on the courses he hoped to get into, the advantages of joining the ultimate Frisbee club over taking Phys. Ed., and the possibility of going into the city for guitar lessons. The car entered his new town and ultimately a parking lot near the building where he will soon live.

He leaped out of the car, excitement temporarily surpassed anxiety. He opened the back of the van to find a shirt to replace his father's jacket. As he put on a brown shirt with a winged Stratocaster on it, he asked Jessie, "You want an anime instead of punk?"

"Are they clean? What do you have?"

"Fresh washed. Either Opera-tan or an Ichigo 100% moe."
.
"Colors?"

"Opera's red; Ichigo's kinda light black."

"'K, geek; not perv."

"Moe aren't all perv."

"You think? Even a strawberry?"

Kay asked, "Am I supposed to understand any of this?"

"Nope," Jessie answered.

"That's because you don't like sushi," Jerry said; as he started jogging away he said, "I'm gone."

"I'm going to the bookstore and buy a window sticker. You coming?" Kay asked Jessie.

"No, not in these clothes ever," Jessie answered.

"Boy, my little speech didn't do you any good, huh."

"Duh."

"That kid was nearsighted; come with me."

"No, I've got to read this book anyway."

"Well, OK, as long as you have something you really want to do."

Jessie sat, slumped down in the seat, for ten minutes before she decided there were no people around, and then she went and sat on the grass. A few minutes later, she heard a mewing and, risking the potential mistakes over her gender, she went to investigate.

On a tall pole of a high fence surrounding a smelly dumpster, she saw a very small kitten crying out as loudly as it could. She tried to reach it, but even jumping she could just touch its paw. She could have pulled it down but was sure that would hurt the kitten, so she looked around for help.

She saw a large thin boy wearing a blue oxford, khakis and black oxfords walking towards her across the lawn. She hollered to him, "Hey, can you help me? Please?"

The boy began a slow trot towards her. "What's the matter?" He asked coming to a stop.

"There's a kitten stuck up there! Can you reach it?" Jessie said.

Ben handed her a catalog and a manila envelope, and easily reached up and took the kitten in one hand.

Ben cradled the tiny cat and said, "Poor little thing; she must have been real scared. I hope no one put her up there. What do you want to do with her?"

"I don't know! She's just a baby, isn't she?"

"Probably, if he's wild, his mother probably left him early. We can't just let him go though. Do you want him?"

"Yes," Jessie said as she soothed the brindled black, orange and gray fur ball in Ben's arms, "but we're going to be in motels for three days and driving most of the time."

"My parents are flying out tomorrow, and my sister is allergic to cats too," Ben said. "I guess the security people could get it to a shelter or the pound."

"No! Let me call my mom."

"Ouch," Ben said. The kitten had calmed down enough to become frightened again and was trying to get away.

"Wait," Jessie said as she ran to the van. She dumped a box of Jerry's clothes onto the back seat and brought the deep box over.

When the kitten was trapped in the box, they both sat on the grass beside it. Jessie said, "You're the same guy that changed our tire, aren't you? Do you spend all you time rescuing people and cats?"

"No," Ben said with a smile, "just when ever I get the chance."

"Well, thank you so much."

"I'm glad you gave me the chances. I didn't recognize you at first. You've changed clothes."

"So have you. Mine got messed up; this is all Jerry's stuff. Do you think it makes me look like a boy?"

"No. Your cheeks are high, your eyebrows arched, your throat is thin, and your lips are full. Some boys might look like that, but not many. Also, boys don't wear bright colors very often. Did you want to?"

Jessie laughed and said, "No way! You must spend a lot of time looking at girls. And this is Jerry's shirt; he must not know about the bright color thing."

"No, I really don't. Maybe you brother is just brave or doesn't care about the stupid rules."

"I don't think that's it, but then he doesn't wear this much either." Jessie got through to her father, and while she talked, Ben used a long blade of grass to try to get the cat to play.

When she hung up, she said, "Yea! He has to go straight back to the city tomorrow and said he would take her."

"Did you hear that, little guy? You have a home."

"Well, a temporary one. I can't get my mom; her battery's probably dead. He also said she's a tortoiseshell cat because she has three colors and that that means she is almost definitely a girl. Like with calicos.”

"OK, lucky kitten. You're a girl," Ben said.

"There's Jerry," Jessie said and then called out, "Jerry, look what I've found!"

Jerry walked over and looked at the kitten. "What are you going to do with it, Jess?"

"Our father said he would drive her back tomorrow,: now I’ve just got to get Mom to let me keep her."

"You already did the amazing part. Mom should be ready for a cat again; it's been almost two years since - you know."

"Daddy really likes animals; you didn't know that? And she's not really a cat. She's a fence turtle in disguise."

Jerry laughed and asked, "How do you figure that?"

"Well, that kind of coat is called tortoiseshell, and we found her on top of that tall post over there."

Ben had convinced the kitten to let her pet it, and looked up to ask, "What's a fence turtle?"

"Those tortoise shells you see on fences by roads sometimes. Have you ever noticed one?" Jerry answered.

"No, but I guess I can take you word for it."

Jessie said, "And just like with this little one, we don't know how they got there, they really want to be anywhere else, and they have no idea how to get to where they want to be. So, she is just like a fence turtle. Jerry says some people are like that too."

Ben said, "Maybe a lot of people are."

Jessie said, "This is the same guy that helped with our tire. He's going here too, Jerry."

Jerry said, "Yeah, hi and thanks."

Ben said, "No problem at all. You going to call her Poky?"

"Oh, not bad,. I was thinking about - what do you call those things on tops of post - balls or points and things?"

"Finials?" Jerry said.

"Yeah, what do you think?"

Jerry said, "Too many syllables. Do Poky."

Ben said, "You know every cat needs three names, Finial, for fancy wear, and Poky, for everyday."

Jessie said, "You've read "Old Possum's", and you don't even have a cat?"

Ben nodded and Jerry said, "OK, now you need a third name."

"Don't tell him, Ben. Let him figure it out."

"OK," Ben said, "there's my folks. I got to go. Take good care of Miss Poky Finial."

"Hey, wait. Are you Ben McGee? He's my roommate," Jerry asked.

Ben said, "No, close though, Ben MacGonigill. Too bad."

"Yeah," Jerry said and breathed a relieved sigh.

Jessie told Ben her name and school, and said, "Find me on facebook. I'll get pictures of Poky up real soon. OK?"

"I definitely will, Jessie. Thank you. See you around, Jerry."

Jerry said, "Probably; thanks for taking care of Jessie for me." Sometimes it seems Jerry likes those backhanded raps he invites.

As Ben walked across the parking lot, Jerry said, "He might be stuck somewhere too. I never thought people like that could be fence turtles."

"Must be," Jessie said with a grin. "You've always had good woman's intuition about stuff like that."

Jerry smiled and sat down to pet the cat, now that no one but Jessie would see him.

Ben climbed into the old Chevy and then stared at Jerry. He waved and thought, ~God, why can't I look just a little like that.~

Jessie waved back. Jerry held his hand up for a second and thought, ~God, why can't I look just a little like that.~

*****
Hey, I thought you were saving those two lines for the very end.

I was, and I did.

But you can't end it there! Nothing ever happened; the characters didn't really change, and they barely met. Are you going to do a sequel?

No, no sequel. I think something happened, but if you don't want to call it a story, call it something else; some portraits, or a prose work, or lagniappe, whatever.

Are you going to do the fiction is a field thing here?

You mean the part about Eco's idea, right? That fiction isn't linear, but should be a field (a three dimensional one, like a magnetic field.) that flows over and envelopes the reader. And then you ask if I think I do that, and I say, "No, but I can dream, can't I? And this is probably less annoying than if I tried some of my other dreams." I'd almost forgotten about it, but I guess I'll do a short version.

OK, go ahead.

Already done. But it doesn't matter because we have a very linear story here. It's just about the least linear thing I know of.

What?

I don't think I could explain it to you; it would be like explaining Jerry's story to Jessie. And by the way, it's 11:53 Tuesday. We might have beaten the deadline after all.

Gratz, I guess. You aren't giving the proofreaders much time though.

Well, Amelia's had most of it for a while, and Kristina has watched it grow, but that's very true. I am asking her for a lot even with the grace period.

You never told me about any extra days!

I had a hard enough time keeping you on track as it was, but we made it.

I hope so, but I still think there should be a sequel. It's a small school; they could become friends.

I think they might and hope they do, but that is not our story to tell.

So, if there isn't a sequel, what do I do now?

You? You go tell the story, and I hope you will be very busy. And I dream that you will continue to be busy long after I've left this existence.

All right, I guess, but I have a question.

299,792.458kps.

That's another private joke.

Sorry. What's your question?

Is Mac the guy that Ed is trying to sell stuff to.

Oh, yeah, that got fuddled. I thought so, but I couldn't find a way to make it clear without any of the characters knowing too, at least not without another fifteen -hundred words and lots of entrances and exits. So now we will never really know.

Oh, and one more thing, don't you need to change the title now that the story is told?

No, not at all. The title means several things and doesn't need to change.

Like what? What does it have to do with Jerry and Ben, for instance?

I don't want to explain it; I don't think I need to beat the readers over the head.

You don't want to explain any thing, do you? Great enigmatic Zen master, aren't you?

I'm not that at all. All right, I'll tell you what it means to Jerry and Ben -- tomorrow.

You mean there will be a sequel!

No, that isn't what I mean. ~Done.~

Letters from Sky

Author:

Jan S

Organizational:

Series Page

Audience Rating:

General Audience (pg)

Taxonomy upgrade extras:

Letters from Sky

by Jan S

Letters from Sky - Prologue & Part 1

Author:

Jan S

Audience Rating:

General Audience (pg)

Publication:

Genre:

Character Age:

Teenage or High School

TG Themes:

Other Keywords:

Babysitting

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

PROLOGUE: Last spring these letters began showing up in my email. I thought the address had been typed wrong and sent a reply warning the writer, but it bounced back as undeliverable. I know that seems impossible, but the letters are here, and I think the web holds many weird gremlins.

Last night I decided that, perhaps, the universe brought them to me to show to others and, if you can get over your qualms about eavesdropping on strangers, some of you might find them interesting too.

Letters from Sky

By Jan S

Prologue & Part 1

I am doing some editing: correcting the homonym and spelling errors that I spot, adding and fixing some punctuation (which gives me trouble in my own writing), and trying to clear up some slang and some disjointed parts that gave me problems. However, I do want to leave them in thirteen-year-old-ese. Antecedents of pronouns get mumbled, and full stops seem to be endangered at times, but that is how they are written, and I hope that isn't too distracting.

I'll post them as I get them edited, hopefully every night or so, and I should be finished in about two weeks. One note: there are some events near the end of this batch that may bother some people, however, I promise this is not that kind of story and those incidents are only briefly mentioned a few more times and, hopefully, there will be other things of interest.

Before we start I must thank my friend, Daphne, for her advice on how to treat these letters.

All the rest is up to Sky.

§ § §

Part 1

>>Tuesday, Mar. 25th (evening)

Dear Marsha,
Hi, Marsh! I'm real happy you wrote Dad! And I'm glad you want to hear from me too. Why are you over being mad at us? Never mind. Dad said I shouldn't talk about her or any of that.

I am happy to talk to you even if I can't about that. I guess I kinda have missed you, Marsh. You know I never even knew you and Mike weren't Dad's kids. I guess I did, but I never thought about it at all, and now it's like you were never part of my family. I think Dad misses you a lot. He is a lot different - more willing to talk and stuff and wants to know about me, which is kinda a pain, but OK. I kind of think he always did, but our mother got in his way so much.

OK, sorry again! Really! Please don't get mad at me. I want you to write back!

So, you know I'm at another new school now, and this city is good. It is already warm enough to swim, but I can't until June because of the operation I had. But I go and watch people. There were two girls in the apartment complex that swam a lot, and we played tennis too. They have both those at this country club just across the street from the complex, and those girls' father belongs to it. Dad said he will try and join when we get a real house if it's close.

Yeah, so -- The apartment has three bedrooms -- so you could come visit maybe -- well maybe. And a balcony that you can see a mountain from if you look just right. But those girls don't really live here, they were just staying with the father over their spring break and went back home today.

My school just had three days at Easter. So far I haven't met people there because they gave me some test and tried to get my schedule right. So today was my first real day of classes anyway and nothing really happened.

I'm not going to try out for sports or anything - I can't 'cause of being sick, and my grades really suck. But there's a recreation center Dad wants me to look at so I'll meet peeps and stuff. Mostly though I just play "City of Heroes", and keep making superheroes and do their costumes. I suck at the game part so I make new ones all the time.

'K -- so, how is college? Do you like it? Are the classes real hard? Do you have a boy friend yet?? (You don't have to tell me, if you don't want too.)

And what about Michael? Does he like it or not? Is it weird not having him around for you for longer than camps, you know? I know, I know, you don't know what it's like to not have a twin; said that enough, but I meant in a regular way too.

Oh, BTW -- I got a job!! I mean it is just babysitting one time (remember I'm only 13, duh -- or did you even forget I had a birthday?). Do you think it's weird for a boy to be a babysitter? Well anyway, the lady doesn't, and I'm going to get thirty-five bucks!

So that's all, bye and write back whenever you want too, OK? Think I could have your phone number at college, maybe. I'm gonna get my own cell phone real soon. Dad said it would be a good idea.

Your brother,
J. S. Elliot (Sky)

P.S.: BTW, you and Mike can't call me Fats or even Pudge anymore. I lost more than thirty pounds since last summer and am really skinny now. Really. cya

P.P.S.: I play tennis now and don't suck as much as I used to. I guess not being fat helps.

P.P.P.S.: That really is the way you're supposed to do this. It means post-post-post script. So, this one is after the post-post script for three Ps. Did you know that?

P.P.P.P.S.: You can use the address on here to write back when you get around to it. I'll check on it everyday.

P.P.P.P.P.S.: I hope this wasn't too long - bye

P.P.P.P.P.P.S.: I hope you and Mike don't change your name back to what it used to be.

>>Thursday, March 27th (afternoon)

Dear Marsh,
Hi again. Yeah - if our mother gets all your phone bills it would be a bad idea to call and stuff. That's all right. OK?

It was great getting your letter today though. School really sucked. I never knew any of the answers to anything. I guess they are just way ahead of my old place or something, and I've missed a ton too. Dad drives me to school, but I take the bus home, and I hate it. But I might get used to it.

About the lady that gave me the job. I think she works with Dad or something. Anyway, the other day those girls I told you about and I went over to the swimming pool. And I couldn't swim because of my operation.

I didn't know you didn't know about all that, but I guess you wouldn't. Something came open in my stomach or guts or somewhere like that - it wasn't just my appendix, something else. So, yeah, I was in the hospital about over a week and out of school longer, and Dad had to get this creepy nurse to come in in the day for about a week before I went back to school. That was all at the end of January and in February too. But I feel good now and all but can't swim until the end of May - Dad told me not to play tennis for more than about ten minutes at a time too but, now those girls went back to their mother's house, I won't be doing that anyway probably. And no, I had lost most of the weight I lost before that. I just kinda stopped eating at all for a long time after Halloween last year, even before. And the doctors don't think that either one caused the other, but who knows? I have to be on a special diet for a long time too, and that really sux big time.

So, I was just sitting beside it and putting my legs in and talking, not swimming. And oh yeah, one of the girls knocked my shoes into the pool when she was getting out too - not a joke or something, just accident, and now I gotta buy new ones. And Dad says that it was because I was careless - so it's good I'm getting money for babysitting tomorrow. But I guess that's off the subject, huh? And he didn't say that 'til way later. Dad gets pre-turbed when I do that in writing stuff.

So the girl's father came outside when it was time to go, and this lady was with him. So after they said "hi" and all, the lady said that she was in trouble and needed a babysitter Friday night while she went to a meeting of the neighborhood committee or something, and could either of them do it (they're both older than me - eighth and eleventh grade, I think.). But they couldn't because they are going back to their real home tomorrow (Which was last Monday) (and that's across the country - so I won't see them anymore probably.).

Then we went to the lockers. I mean they did, I just walked though them to the other side and waited. (It felt weird and a half, because they have a door from the men's room blocked off to do work, and I had to go into the lady's locker -- I mean they do have a special path with like a big tarp thing marked off, but you know it's funny walking into the wrong door, and I ran to the other end.), and I had to borrow Becky's shoes (yucky, almost red crocs) - because they were getting a ride after they ate at the club place, and I was still walking.

Then, after Becky and Ann left, I started walking home and through the inside part, which is way shorter than going around, and it was lucky because Dad was in there sitting in the bar part, and the lady was with him, and she must work with him or something, because they knew each other already. Dad called, "Hey, Judey," (Like he still does some times just to bug me.), or I wouldn't have noticed.

So Dad tells me the lady's name is Ms. Younger (Younger then what IDK (hehe)). So then the lady says, "hi," too and asks about being new at school and all that stuff they do when they want to seem nice to kids and stuff. And she calls me Judey too, and I'm like: only Dad calls me that, and that sometimes it's Jude, but most people call me Jesse, because that is what my initials sound like, and that you and some people call me Sky which is from my middle name.

And she says I have lots of names, and Dad is like: At that age and looking for identity, yada-yada, -- and stuff like he can be sometimes.

And then the lady asked me if she can call me Sky, I think just to get Dad to stop analyzing like, and says that's a pretty name (yeah, well really.). Then she asked how old I am, and I say thirteen, and she yells, "Perfect. Do you have any experience babysitting?"

And I shook my head because not really, but Dad tells her that I watched those two boys down the street every afternoon last summer. I told the lady that was only after they got back from day camp, (I didn't say about going to the same day camp), and I just had to play soccer and stuff for a couple of hours, and they weren't really babies but were eight and ten.

She said that sounded like experience to her, and did I like it? Then she said her kids were older even, and she would only be ten minutes away and back by eleven thirty, and if I could nuke leftovers and tell them to go to bed, I had the job, and it would be thirty-five dollars for a little over five hours. So I decided to do it, and Dad made a dumb joke about getting paid for taxi service at midnight, but I could tell he didn't really mind.

So that is how I got the job already that you asked about. I just hope her two kids don't turn out to be real brats. Bobby and Chip were OK, but could be real pains sometimes after only two hours. I'll find out tomorrow though and write you about it if you want to hear.

I'm glad you got lots of friends and like college -- that sounds so neat to not have people bossing you all the time, and not having to go to class if you don't want, and it would be like spending the night with friends and eating out every night too. Isn't it??

Jim sounds nice, too. Do you think I will ever meet him? Does he know you have a dorky -- I mean fantastic -- little brother?

Oh, I might have at least one friend here, but who knows? Anyway, about halfway home on the bus today this one guy, a jock who lives over in the big houses, came over and sat with me because all his group had got off, and asked all about me and stuff. But I know that won't be my group if I ever get one. They're way to cool and stuff. I just hope I didn't say anything dumb he uses on me later.

This seems to have gotten real long again, but it's nice to have someone to talk to because of being new, so I hope you aren't bored S-less by all this, Mars.

Good luck on the test. Economics sounds real yuck!

Your brother,
JSE (Sky)

P.S.: You're sure boys babysitting isn't weird? Dad says not to worry about it. I think it might be, and hope no one finds out.

>>Friday, March 28th (afternoon)

Dear Marsha,
Hi, it's me again.

That guy I told you about on the bus yesterday was still friendly today. At least after everyone had left he was. He was in my gym class and was talking to the coach when I got there, but I only had to go to that long enough to show the teacher my doctor's note because I can't do it, and the nurse and he had to both see the note before I got the pass to study hall. On the bus we talked about how the gym teacher was a jerk. And he was, making jokes about me getting sick so others could hear. And Zack doesn't like him either, even though he's on the football team, and so he's one of his favorites.

I know he's just being nice because being nice to the new kid is something you're supposed to do, but I hope it last.

Anyway, it's almost time to go to my babysitting job. I hope the Younger kids are OK, and that I don't totally screw it up. The lady said her kids were older than Bobby and Chip -- the Younger kids are older -- I just thought of that! OK, don't moan so loud. But what if the kid is like twelve? He might be in my grade and be real PO-ed about his mom getting a sitter and all that. I mean I know some kids that had sitters when they were twelve. I guess I didn't because you just had to stay home, and I never thought about it.

OH well. I'm going to ride my bike over there - it's just past the golf course, maybe I said that already - but Dad is getting me because he doesn't want me riding that late.

Wish me Luck!

Your brother,
JSE (Sky)

P.S.: I don't know if you are really interested in hearing all of this stuff all the time or not. "The Fabulous Life of Jude the Incredible." It would be OK for you to say shut up and stop writing so much.

>>Saturday, March 29th (morning)

Dear Marsha,
Hi - So you don't think it was strange for a boy to baby-sit boys, but what about girls?! Cause that is what I did!

And I think I screwed up - BAD!!!! - and I'm probably going to get thrown in jail - or labeled a perv - or something, because of what happened.

Lisa wet her bed. And I helped her get changed. I don't know what else I could have done, she walked in, and it was about a quarter to twelve and her mom should have been home but wasn't. And I changed the bed and was in the bathroom when she washed up, and I saw her naked, at least where it counts. I didn't touch her -- well, held her hand and rubbed her back some, gave her a hug, you know, but that was it.

And she had just gotten back to sleep about three minutes before her mom walked in, and Dad was already in the drive because she had called him on her cell, so I didn't talk to her about it. And I didn't even think about it, because I was just helping, and it just seemed the right things to do at the time, but when I got into bed I started to worry. And Dad left for his office before I got up, and do you think I did right?? What do you think they will do to me???

I have to walk over there and get my bike, and I guess it will be best to talk to Ms. Younger. Maybe they won't be there; they had early soccer games today. But she will know by now and might already be talking to the police. What do you think'll happen, Marsh?? Ohhhhhhhh.

>>Saturday. March 29th (afternoon)

Hi Marsh,
I got a cell phone!!!

Dad took me up to the mall, and I bought some new shoes. (I got white ones with some blue at the toe and heal because Dad says they like it better if you wear white at the tennis court, and I've never seen a sign or anything but lots of peeps do, and I can't wear them to school because they have this real strict dress code anyway, even though it's not a private school or anything.)

Anyway here's my number (My very own one!!): ---/---,----, in case you're ever somewhere where you can call me! It's red and it has a mp3 in it, but not a camera. And it's a flip, not a slide one and doesn't have one of the keyboard things in it. But, so now I got to figure out how to load songs and stuff. But I can't do anything with it until it's charged overnight -Bummed! and more, right? So I've just been reading the book.

Oh - you remember the big comforter you used to have on your bed? With all the red, blue and green and white stripes? Would it be OK if I used it - just to borrow? Dad kept all your things, but he says they are yours and Mike's, and he is going to store them for you. And most of it is piled in the extra bedroom. (You have about twice what Mike has, BTW) Anyway, I didn't want to keep those old bunk beds when we moved (and I am using your or Mike's mattress - but not the headboards - I put those white bookcases there.). So now I need stuff for a bigger bed, and it's hard getting out to get stuff with all the settling in and things, and at Dad's office too. So do you mind?

OK, I'm going over to play tennis with those girls visiting their father I told you about.

Bye
Your favorite Bro ('cept maybe Michael),
Sky

P.S.: nvm; I g2g

>>Sunday. March 30th (morning)

Dear Marsh,
OK, I guess I did leave you hanging, huh? When I got over to their house, Ms. Younger and the kids were gone, and I decided to wait and was sure she would be furious. But then Wendy, that's the younger Younger (OK, got to get over laughing every time at that, don't I?), jumped out of the car and was real happy to see me, and then Ms Younger got out, and she smiled at me, and I felt tons and tons better right away!

She wasn't mad at all, and I was like, "Can we talk?" And she told the girls to go and get changed, and I asked her if I had done right with the whole thing. And she like apologized to me! And asked if I was grossed out and stuff, and said I had done real well and thanks for starting the wash right away and like all that.

So it was weird, huh? Not a villain but a hero?? And then Wendy came into the kitchen, and she was in the buff, really totally, and starts asking if she really has to take a bath. And her mom just talks to her like it's nothing, and they work out it was muddy at soccer, and she has a party, so yes, she must take a bath, but she can keep the braids I did for her last night. And then Lisa comes in, and at least she has underpants on but nothing else, and I'm just standing there while she talks to her mom about what to wear to this party, and griping too because it's her sister's friend really, and she is missing horseback riding lessons. (Oh and Wendy had put her nightie on in front of the TV last night too, but she's little and it didn't take her that long, and she was like she didn't want to miss the show; but probably more wanted to hear what Lisa and I were saying, and I had just looked the other way.)

Then Ms Younger says that since it is an all girl house they do that kind of thing, but if it bothers me she will tell the kid's not to in front of me. So, I guess, they are like those kids that lived next to Granma and Grandad that ran around in the garden hose without anything on, and that's why last night isn't a big deal to her. And it really just surprised me, you know, to see them do that.

So, I said it was OK, I didn't think they need to change the way they lived and told her about those kids, and that some of them were bigger than me, so a least Lisa's age back then, and so I was used to it. She asked if I ever did that with those kids, and I said I didn't like to even then, maybe because I was so fat, but I remembered when you and Michael did (hope you don't mind toooo much.). And we talked about loosing weight and stuff.

So that's how I'm not going to jail or anything at all. And I also got my second babysitting job because Wendy came out for some help with the strings on her top and got me to redo some braids, and it wound up I'm taking them to a movie tomorrow, because they had been promised, but their mom has to work because of the stuff that made her late last night.

So now I get to see "Horton Hears a Who". Oh Boy! But I'm going to get paid for it too!

Bye for now,
Sky

P.S.: Thnx for letting me use your comforter. I don't think there is too much else in there I could use. But I will look through the real old stuff for plain shorts and Ts. TY.

>>Sunday. March 30th (night)

Hi!
Oh -- how can I write so much all the time and leave stuff out too? Last night I just got real tired or I'd of said more, Marsh. So to take all of your questions in time order (which is what Dad tells me to do):

Part 1
Do you remember that kid, Ben - or Benny -, that used to be my friend, and then our mother got mad at us and wouldn't let me see him ever and even changed the car pool and stuff. That was way last year. OK, well after that we figured out how to chat on line - his brother helped us, and I didn't want you or Mike to get into trouble. So we would talk every night and that, and some other chatting, and from playing online games, is how I learned to type. (But when I lived without Dad, I didn't have a computer at all, and he went to a different school, and I guess we lost track of each other - I looked for him, but he's changed his addresses which were kinda kiddy-ish.) Dad says I hit all the wrong keys with all the wrong fingers, but I'll probably never be able to change now. I use my left hand almost only, because I have a mouse in the other one when playing games.

Part 2
Babysitting, first time: There were two of them, you all ready know that, but I got to stay in order - one, eleven (Lisa), and the other is nine (Wendy; the younger Younger :)) Did I use that already? They didn't think that was funny either.

It was a whole lot different from the stuff I did with Bobby and Chip last summer. I mean we didn't wrestle or run or stuff, and it was night too. And they didn't even fight me when I told them to go to bed and things either. Wendy already had her birthday and so is in third grade and really the same age as Chip.

Lisa is eleven and in sixth grade. And she did kind of mind having a babysitter, but I used the old line of me being Wendy's babysitter and not hers - we would just be friends like, and she went for it, and then she got upset when she found out that I was in seventh grade and only one year ahead of her too -- which I can see that -- but she knew that I was already thirteen, and her birthday is still almost three months away, and that there was nothing to do about it.

I think it was OK because I had you as a sister! Really. Because here is what we did: Right after dinner we baked cookies, and I wouldn't 'a known how to do that except for you. And then we watched a movie and talked about what great cooks we were and about the best cookies we had ever had and stuff.

Wendy started messing with my hair and said it was pretty and like that, and that she wished she had real curly hair like mine, and I set her right on that and told her that I used to have it cut lots shorter.

Oh, guess you don't know. I haven't had a hair cut since last summer almost -- that time you drove me, and then I had to go back, remember that -- I guess because of the other stuff going on, and because of something our mother did. But so, now it is grown out kinda wild and comes over my ears, or way passed my shoulders if you pull it.

And that got me to say I'd do something good for her hair, but after she was ready for bed (which got her to do that quicker.). I did about forty braided tress that reached down to her neck, and they had an old bead set that I put beads at the end of each braid, I didn't cornrow them, just started near her ears. She and Lisa were crazy about them though, and I had to do Lisa's too, but I just did a French braid, 'cause it is way too long to do the tresses thing to too -- to the middle of her back; it would have taken hours. See, it's because of you making me help with your hair (sitting on that stripped comforter in the old days) when I was little, that I could do that. So things went OK.

At least until bed time, but you know all about that, and it might have been all the milk Lisa had with the cookies that caused the problem. That and like the changes happening inside, and she's going to the doctor her mom said.

It really was OK (until I started to get worried after I had got home). They are funny kids and all too, and I guess they thought I was all right because they asked their mom to get me again later.

Is that enough info about all that? Oh - we watched "The Spy Kids, II"

Part 3
The Return of Becky and Ann: I thought they were gone too and live a long way away, but it turns out there's a suburb here named Springfield, and they live there, not the city that was near Grandad. They're W-1-3-5 kids (don't know if you called them that -- that's the weekends they're at their fathers, and Wednesday too), so even though this was their father's year for spring break, they were still back because it was the fifth weekend of the month. I ran into them getting here when Dad and I were leaving for the mall. I guess since all their friends and most of there stuff is at their other house they get bored here and don't mind hanging with me even though I'm younger.

Part 4
Jude's Babysitting Adventure, The Sequel: I was waiting in the parking lot at the appointed time. The vehicle approached from the south (I think) and stopped beside me, I got into the stated vehicle, and...

OK-OK, I'll stop. Nothing really big happened, Ms Younger handed me a ton of money to pay for everything, and was happy I got a cell because it would make meeting up after easy, and Lisa put my number into her mother's phone and called me from the backseat (My first phone call!!).

I was expecting to be real, real bored (and so was Lisa, and I had to tell her to stop running down having a baby sister and all.), but actually it was real, real funny, and even the grown-ups were laughing. You should see it with Jim. Really.

After it was over we were walking through the mall to the other end, because when I called her that was where Ms Younger was, in a coffee place, and I was holding Wendy's hand because Ms Y. told me to, and I saw that boy who talks to me on the bus, Zack. And he yelled, "Hi, Jesse." And luckily I got to say to the girls, "Don't call me Sky!" before he got over. So later I had to tell the girls all about the teacher that said my initials stood for "Just Smart Enough", because I got 95s but never 100s, and how it had stuck. And they got about my liking 'Sky', but that some people at school would use it on me too.

Zack was just hanging at the pin-ball place -- see I told you he was way too cool for me to be friends with. Dad won't let me hang at a mall yet.

Then we found their Mom, and they brought me home.

OK? Did I get everything? Tell me if I didn't. G2g to bed, school -- uggghhhh -- tomorrow.

Your sib,
Sky

>>Tues. April 1st (early morning)

GUESS WHAT!!!!

Dad won the lottery!!! REALLY -- a huge one -- like half a billion or something. And he found out he had actually adopted you and Michael, so now he's gonna get custody of you too!

Your (rich) Bro,
Sky

Letters from Sky - Part 2

Author:

Jan S

Audience Rating:

General Audience (pg)

Publication:

Genre:

Transgender

Character Age:

Preteen or Intermediate

TG Themes:

Other Keywords:

Babysitting

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

"...Marsh, I mean, I know lots of boys do babysit, but they don't brag about it. They would wear shirts that say "World's Best Lawn Mower," or something. Right?"

Letters from Sky

By Jan S

Part 2

>>Wednesday, April 2nd (night)

Hi!!
That was all pretty lame, huh? But I couldn' say, "Hey, there's a bug on your shoulder," in an email, could I?

Yeah, I know you don't really need custody things now you're eighteen -- just didn't think of it. And I'm glad we're still half-sibs and family like you said, even if your mother isn't mine anymore. I know this is mushy and stuff but you, and Mike too -- sometimes kind of -- were real good big sibs, really. OK - 'nough of that.

My school really sucks big time - and is weird. But at least Zack didn't tell anyone I'm a babysitter yet, I don't think.

You and Jim doing OK? Do you make-out with him and stuff, Mar? Just wondering -- I know I shouldn't ask that stuff, so don't bother telling if you don't want. It's too bad you're too old to go and see "Horton". It really was funny. Maybe that's why teenagers have babies, so they can see the good kid's movies still. :-p Maybe not.

And I guess Wendy and Lisa liked me a ton as a babysitter. Because today when I was going into Dad's office, because I had to see a Doctor and it's in a different building but in the same place, so on those days I wait for Dad and ride home with him, I saw Ms. Younger and Wendy and Lisa in the lobby because Lisa had been to a doctor too. And I have another job this weekend because she is going to a play, and it's Shakespeare. I told her Dad is crazy about that stuff, and it turns out he is going with her (isn't that neat! But I think it's just going as friends or a group thing probably.) And it's going to be a real, real long time -- from before six until almost one at least, but Dad had already said that was OK.

Lisa was real happy about it, and she asked if I could just spend the night because it was so late. And it's weird because Ms Y. didn't think that was weird at all, even when Lisa said I'd sleep in her bed (But Wendy was jealous and so we're going to be using sleeping bags in the den). I didn't say I'd stay all night but said I'd like to babysit (I said "come over" so I'm not pushing it in Lisa's face like.), but that I'd have to talk to Dad about the over-night part. Dad said it was up to me though, but he'd say "no" if I ask him to, and I could say I want to use the guest room if I do do it too. I don't mind doing it, but you know it's real weird too, even if it is part of babysitting, and Lisa doesn't seem like a little kid to me, you know. So what do you think?

And here is the other weird thing, and it makes it even harder to say no to Lisa's whole plan: They said they had been going up to Dad's office because, when they were early for the Doctor's, they had found a present for me. And Ms Y said it was all their idea, and she had nothing to do with it, and they were even going to pay her for it. And what it is is a t-shirt that says, "World's Greatest Babysitter" on it. And it's like a real light blue - that they said was like my eyes - and it has the letters in real scroll-y letters, in red and yellow and sparkly. And they said if I wear it a lot I'll get lots more jobs, and I did act like I like it -- but, you know, Marsh, I mean, I know lots of boys do babysit, but they don't brag about it. They would wear shirts that say "World's Best Lawn Mower," or something. Right?

So it's a gag thing right? And they don't think I'm going to wear it - I have it on now, and it also has - not puffy, but real short sleeves that stick out too and is, you know, shaped, not like a regular t-shirt. They got 'a know only a girl oooo

You know Wendy wanted me to take her to the girl's room at the movie, and then Lisa asked if Zack was my boyfriend too, and I thought -- oohhh - they do shhhhhiii

No ---- I - Mar, ----- they can't, can they? nvm - I g2g -- is nine thirty to late to call her? g2g

>>Wednesday, April 2nd (night, about an hour later)

Hi. I didn't call her. I mean how do you ask someone if they think you're a girl or not? I just can't. I thought of asking Dad -- but it's way to embarrassing. I got to talk to her, don't I? What do you think?

And what if she doesn't! Then I'm even nuts-er, right?

I -- bye
Sky

>>Thursday, April 3rd (early afternoon)

OK, Marsh, I did call her at last. I did it during lunch from my cell, and I just said it right out in a voice mail. I just said it real fast, "Do you think I'm a girl, Ms Younger, because I'm not and don't know why you would think that," and asked her to call me, please, this afternoon, and then I thought someone, maybe the girls, would hear it too.

But I had to do it because even teachers had noticed how I was worried like, and then after I called I felt even worse and went to the nurse and got sent home, and Dad told them he'd send a taxi, and that that was OK. I called her from the cab, and she answered and had heard the message and was like: But your name is Judy. You went into the girl's locker with Becky and Ann. You were wearing pink shoes, and I was like: I can't talk, because I didn't want the driver to hear, you know, but that bugged her, and when I got out I said about it being Jude and only Dad adding the Y, which I had told her; and the door from the men's locker being being fixed and there being a pathway; and the shoes being only raspberry and borrowed. And she listened to me, at least, but was still mad and said she has to think about ... brb.

-- I know it's dumb to do that in a letter -- That was Ms Younger calling and she is on her way over here. I hope she doesn't hit me and stuff. She sounded better at least. Got to clean up the living room real quick.

Write soon, please, Marsh.

Sky

>Thursday. April 3rd (afternoon, almost two hours later)

Hi, Mar,
So she wasn't real mad at all but said how she was the one that made the mistake, but why had I let it go on. And I was like "I didn't know!" and that. And she looked at me real close, and asked if that had never happened before, and I said not really, but maybe sometimes when I was little by strangers at stores (because I remembered this one check-out lady), but it was because I was so fat. And she was like, "or people didn't because you were large."

And she asked how I felt about it, and I said embarrassed mostly, and don't know how they could go on so long. And she smiled at that - and then at me. And I was sitting on my knees on the couch and wanted to just shrink up to nothing when she looked at me.

So she said that she didn't know if I could keep being her babysitter, but that was only because of confusion, and that we both would see how it worked out. She was saying she didn't think anything was wrong with boys sitting, even with girls, but that she would never have hired one on purpose, probably, and didn't know if it would work now.

I told her how I hoped we could still be friends and stuff, and that she and Dad could too.

She was worried too that Wendy and, especially, Lisa would be mad at her for hiring a boy, and not believe she didn't know. Then she asked -- and she was real nice about it and all -- if I would mind babysitting once more still, and not to tell the girls anything about it, because she didn't want to ruin all their plans for Saturday, because they were looking forward to it so much.

Yeah - I was all "Uuuggh," too.

She says only if I want to, and I said how I don't want to trick them. And she says, "Then don't, Sky, just do what you have been doing. Don't tell them you are a girl, but you don't have to tell them you're not either. OK."

"But," I said, "what about seeing them without clothes already and maybe again."

And she took a deep breath, and she said, "You told me you were used to it. I realize now why that was so odd to you, but it was a boy who said he was used to it. If that's really true, then it isn't a problem for me and won't be for them either. They skinny dip in the back yard, Sky, and sometimes some boys join them, but boys that are used to what they are seeing. So is it true?"

And I said, "Yeah, of course." And that's true. I wasn't thinking about other stuff either, I mean they're just kids.

So, now I'm spending that night with some girls that think I'm a girl -- is my life totally weird or what? Do you think this is OK? I still feel like it is lying - a little bit anyway.

So, OK, talk about something else ---How's Jim? How's Econ? How are you?

I know you're all busy, but write when you get the chance. I am so "I don't know," you know?

Love ya lots,
Sky

>Friday, April 4th (afternoon)

Hi, Marsha,
It's kind of OK. I mean I guess I'm happy you don't know what I should do too, you know; it means it is too weird. Yeah, I'm not going to wear make-up or do anything to try to fool them at all, but still now I have to think about what I would have done. I don't know if I would have gone ahead and worn that shirt tomorrow, but I think I would have really.

And I should tell Dad, and I almost did last night and this morning too. But I just can't. He made me stay home from school today because of getting sick yesterday, though I know I'm better, but I couldn't tell him why I was sick, could I?

OK so, I didn't realize in college it took forever to get test back. I hate teachers that do that. And you're really writing a paper on "Beauty and the Beast"? In college? How come? You should just go see "Horton" and say it's for research then.

It's weird that you have so little money. Our mother seemed real rich last fall, and she bought that house and said she wanted to travel all the time now. That was one of the reasons she was going to send me off to school and all. I think that Granma and Granpa did have lots, and that was what she was waiting for as much as for you two getting out of school.

OK - the ground rules. But it just seems weird, is all.

Um -- OK -- so while I'm stuck home and not all that sick I've been looking though your old boxes -- I really could use some new clothes because of all the weight I've lost. I mean Dad's got some for me, but it's like enough but not plenty, you know? And I've found some but they have to be really old to fit me, (looks like you saved everything! But Mike didn't save anything hardly -- guess he wore them out or something.) (And when you were my height you waist was bigger than mine. Ha Ha.). But some shorts work. I got a pair of white ones that only have a little blue on the pockets (they kind of match my new shoes.), and some denim ones that just have some stitching on the pocket that I could wear, and some red ones too. And there are some old gym shorts, you know, just plain ones with bands at the waist. I had to try on bunches of stuff to find what would work. But you said I could have whatever, and this is all the oldest stuff, and I did a lot of organizing too, not making it all worse.

And so, no, I don't remember the time when I was six you asked about. What happened? I do remember when our mother threw out all my stuffed animals, and Dad got real mad and said I could keep just one, and she didn't like the one I picked and cut the skirt off it, and it feel in two. But that was older. And I don't remember if something got her mad besides Dad (and just me.).

And I'm sorry about Jim, that was a creepy thing, but maybe he will be sorry, you think? But you're so cute and nice! It's his loss; you know that! It'll be OK, Mars. Don't be sad, OK?

Oh - it wasn't the stomach doctor I saw on Wednesday, another one. I only see the stomach guy about once a month now, and I don't keep the diet as good as they want me to, or as I tell them I do, but it's not showing up in the test at least, and things are doing good in that.

OK, I got to ride the city bus to get to see someone, so laters.

And don't be too worried about Jim, 'K? Something good'll happen.

Love and all like that,
Sky

>>Saturday, April 5th (afternoon)

Hi
Really, you didn't know about Granpaw? You did know he was her granpaw really, right? Not ours. He told me once when I was still little that he had bought some land way in the wilderness a long time ago and had sold it for a lot after the suburbs reached it. I don't know how much it was, but maybe that was the reason she was ever nice to him, because she knew. It was just one of his stories with a moral (about saving or something).

But yeah, they did have a big fight right after Granma died, but that wasn't about money, that was about me. When we were visiting, and you and Mike had gone somewhere (you could drive already), we were watching TV, and I started dancing to some music, and she grabbed me and slapped me real hard and screamed, and he got mad at her and told her not to. Remember we left real suddenly the next day.

And yeah, she had lots of catalogues and stuff about boarding schools, and I think I'd have started in January if I had been hers.

But I'm not supposed to talk about that with you, so can we talk about something else? OK?

OK. Yeah, I do see how "Beauty and the Beast" "mixes up standard gender rolls" and stuff. Belle is the hero, right? And rescues the man. I think it's neat you can learn that in college. Is that the main thing you're studying? It does show how people's minds work usually, like you said. I can get that. So neat.

And I'm mixing up usual gender roles too, huh? Hehe - do peeps study things like what's happening to me ever?

So tonight is the ordeal. Like you said, just be me is all Ms Younger said for me to do - so no problem. I'm going to wear that shirt they gave me and some blue jean shorts. You know I don't want to be like trying to look like a girl, but not too much like 'can't be a girl' either, and I think about what to wear more than ever. Since Dad is going with Ms Y, I don't have to ride my bike, and no one will see anyway.

Tell you how weird it gets tomorrow.

You doing better?

Love ya' - really, Marsh,
Sky

P.S. You know what? I sorta can't wait, and I sorta don't want this to ever happen. That's truly weird times twelve, huh?

Letters from Sky - Part 3

Author:

Jan S

Audience Rating:

General Audience (pg)

Publication:

Genre:

Character Age:

Teenage or High School

TG Themes:

Blackmail

Other Keywords:

Babysitting

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

"...and mostly we ignored the movie, and Lisa whispered jokes about Zack, and I denied them, and she told me about two boys that she likes: a cute one and a nice one, and I said go for nice -- unless he's totally gross. (Right answer for a girl?)"

Letters from Sky

By Jan S

Part 3

>>Sunday, April 6th (midday)

I really don't want to talk about her, Mars. OK?

I'm glad Jim was acting nicer; guess it will take awhile like you said. Yeah, Lit. and folklore don't sound like good careers. Wouldn't it be nice if learning about neat stuff could? You don't really think you want to be a librarian, do you really? I mean sitting around and just showing people where books are? But whatever. (Ya' don't look like one either!!)

Things went mostly OK last night, really. Mostly it was real nice, and fun. You said you wanted to know everything that happened, so this will be long, OK?

First, I taught them how to make Killer-Grilled-CheeZe sandwiches, with lots of butter and lots of grated cheese, (I didn't use any Worcestershire sauce or onion because they were like "yuck", and I guess they got to work up to that. And I told them about Dad's Welsh Rabbit, but they thought I was making that up, especially the beer part.). And that's what we had for dinner, (I made them both eat some green beans too -- I felt like a hypocrite and a half.).

And then we had lots of day light left, and Wendy wanted to go swimming, and I wouldn't let them. I told them I couldn't for two months, and because they might hit their head, and I couldn't save them, and we would have to ask their mom first anyway and all like that. And that was the first time I'd ever had to really say 'No' to them, and they were actually kind of surprised I did that but got over it, and we went outside to ride their scooters and kicked the ball around their front yard. I played goalie most of the time, and they could shoot hard, as hard as Chip and Bobby at least.

OK, here's the only bad part; two bad parts. First, Zack, that boy from the bus (remember?), came by on his bike, and he saw me before I saw him. And you know I was wearing that shirt. But he stops and starts talking to me, like regular. And Lisa and Wendy remembered not to call me Sky. He asked why I hadn't been on the bus lately. And I told him they gave me the shirt, but he acts like it's no big deal, and even says he wishes he could get a job like that and get some easy money. But you know, I hope the shirt wasn't too girly and stuff. -- Marsh, do you think I act like a girl or something? I mean -- I don't know what.

Well anyway, after he leaves, they -- Lisa mostly -- are saying he has a crush on me and stuff but, you know, he knows I'm a boy, not like them. He knows I was almost in his gym class and has seen me in the shirt with buttons and the slacks that I have to wear to school here.

OK, then the second bad thing; tell me if I did right. We were going to watch "High School Musical", and Wendy went in and got a cup of juice. As soon as the disc was in I sat down on the couch, and Wendy started to climb into my lap and spilt the juice all over my shorts, and it was real sticky, so I had to do something. So I go in the bathroom, and Lisa says I can borrow something, and she brings me a yellow skirt!! It's one of those ruffly ones, you know, at the bottom like a sewn on strip, and short too, Marsh. I yelled through the door and asked if she has some shorts instead, and she says none that would fit me, and I say how about just sweat pants or gym stuff, and she says they don't change in her grade. So I can't figure out what I should do, at all. I mean I think: ~OK, if they thought I was a boy, I could go hide in the laundry room or maybe just wear a towel or something, and hiding wouldn't be so good for a babysitter.~

But they don't think I'm a boy, and their mother doesn't want them to yet. So, the skirt isn't a lot different from a towel really, and so I put it on. And after awhile I got used to it. It was hard because we were sitting stretched out or on the floor, and they did see that I had on boxers, but I said, "They're comfortable, especially when in a skirt." And that worked OK because, I guess, lots of girls wear boxers, at least at my old school they did anyway sometimes, and those didn't have the slot at the front either, which was good. And there was only a tiny spot where the juice had got through the pocket onto them, which was real, real lucky, or I'd 'a been wearing panties too, I guess.

So then we watched the movie, and both of them take dance classes -- both at the Rec Center and at a place that sounds real serious -- and they taught me how to do the dances for all of it. And I got worn out by the end.

Then they wanted to paint their finger nails, and I let them, (at least I didn't have to jump around and stuff if they did that.), and they insisted on doing mine too, and I let them. We painted every nail in the house, I mean finger and toe nail, a different colors. I mean, they only had about seven colors that were from goodie bags at parties, but no two on any hand or foot matched, and the colors all had sparkles in them too. And they giggled like crazy for some reason while they did it.

Then we did a second movie, "The Princess Diaries", but I tell them to get ready for bed before we started it, and I'll make popcorn, so they will change quick, but they both came out without a thing on and carrying their PJs. And I tell them they should get dressed before they eat hot popcorn, but they plop down in front of the TV like that and say they do it all the time. So I just sit down and let them. Then they say I got to get ready for bed too, and I'm like "no - babysitter's privilege", but they wouldn't go for it, and started pulling off my shirt until I said they were going to ruin it, and it was their present.

By then they had it up near my shoulders, and Wendy said, "Sky, your titties are almost the size of Lisa's." And I thought the jig was up, you know.

But Lisa says, "Shut up! Don't say things like that, Wend. People's grow at different times and speeds. And Sky is real skinny." (I don't think I'm really that yet.) I took my shirt off the rest of the way and went to the bathroom to change. (The thing is that when I lost all that weight the last of it stayed on my chest, you know? So, at least for last night, that was a good thing, huh?)

I wore a pair of old scrubs that I've cut short and a huge t-shirt that covers the shorts to sleep in. I thought that would work because you used to wear that stuff. Anyway, they didn't say anything about it, and they had their nighties on when I got back.

We had worked out that Wendy had to lie down on the sleeping bags at ten, and had to try to sleep at ten-thirty, and I told her that I would tell her a story at ten-thirty too. I had planed out "Tippy Tippy Toe Toe Noso Rimbo...." -- I had to make up the rest of the name. Do you remember telling me that story? The whole name? I didn't get a chance to use it though because she was asleep before then.

Lisa didn't have a bed time, and we watched the whole second movie and started the sequel but with the sound real low because of Wendy. I took the polish off my hands (like I'm gonna let Dad see that), and I told Lisa it was because I couldn't wear it to school, but she was disappointed I did. Her school allows it, but I said mine said, "No make-up," which it does.

Then we both spread out on the sleeping bags, and mostly we ignored the movie, and Lisa whispered jokes about Zack, and I denied them, and she told me about two boys that she likes: a cute one and a nice one, and I said go for nice -- unless he's totally gross. (Right answer for a girl?) I don' know when we went to sleep but not very far into the third movie, because I can't even remember it.

So, I slept all the way to the next morning and don't remember any of that. And after doing that, I woke up in the morning. :)

And Wendy and Lisa and their Mom were already all in the kitchen, and Wendy was begging to go to the country club for the breakfast buffet, and her mom was saying no, and already had out sausage and pancake stuff.

As soon as they had finished saying good-morning Wendy said, "But Sky could just borrow one of Lisa's dresses, really. We haven't been for a long time."

But Ms Y. just sort of ignored her, of course, and reminded her that she had homework to do and a play date with some friends later anyway.

Wendy said, "A 'play-date'! Geez, Mama."

And Ms Y. said, "Excuse me - an appointment to engage in shared amusements." Which I though was real funny anyway. And that changed the subject.

So right after breakfast, before I'd gotten dressed, Dad shows up to get me, and I was helping to clean up (yeah, well being a guest and getting paid and all) but stop and go put on my clothes. So, when I come back Lisa has already asked him if I could come to the club and play tennis with her this afternoon, which we had talked about last night too, and he says, "Well, Jude really needs to get that mop cut, and I have a hard time finding time to get it done."

But Ms Y says, "You won't find a good place on Sunday, Dave. I can take Sky to the place I take the girls tomorrow afternoon. They need to go too."

And I'm like: "What!!" Because I know she knows I'm a boy and think I'm going to a beauty shop.

But she adds to me, "It's not a fancy place, Sky. It specializes in children's hair -- and young teens, like you too -- both boys and girls."

But I told her I had to see a doctor then, but she says, "even better," and wants to take me on Tuesday because she has to go near there while the girls are at dance. And Dad finally agrees so I can't argue.

Then Dad and I left, and so I'm playing tennis in just a while with Lisa (And Wendy is mad because she won't be there, I think.), and "getting my hair done" on Tuesday.

You know, Dad asked if I minded spending so much time with them, but I don't. They're OK.

OK, for tennis I'm going to wear those white with blue shorts of yours that I told you I found and a white polo, also one of your old ones, but you said that was OK, right?

So this was tons and tons long, but you said you wanted to hear all about it, and I like 'talking' to you. :) Really.

I'll leave you alone for a while after all this. No more letters today. Promise.

Bye and love,
Your sib, Sky

>>Sunday, April 6th (evening)

Oh, Gaw, Marsh.
You're not going to believe this -- they know!! And Lisa tried to black mail Me! But I think it's OK, I don't know -- not OK -- weird.

I went to the tennis courts and all and, but they were real crowded and, you know, when I play really I just bat the ball around, but there were lots of grown-ups playing real games, so after about ten minutes on the court I'm kind of embarrassed about being watched, and I think Lisa was the same way. And she says we should go and get something to drink, and we take them over to the grass behind the courts, and as soon as we sit down she says, "So, how much you getting paid for today?"

And she sounded weird too all the sudden. I say, "Nothing. This isn't a job. I wanted to do this with you because we're friends."

And she says, "Yeah. So how long are you going to go on with all this, huh?"

And I was all: "HUH!" but my throat kind of closed up.

And she says, "Sky -- Jesse, we know your a boy."

And I say, "Oh, how long?" But hardly anything came out I think, but something must 'av, because she answered.

"Forever!" She said. Then said, "I suspected because I thought I'd seen you waiting for the bus, in boy's school clothes. Then at the movie, when we went to the restroom, and you said you were getting drinks, Wendy wanted to change her drink and thought she saw you going into the boy's. But we still weren't sure, and Wendy sat on you lap in the movie to see if she could feel anything but couldn't..."

She smirked at that, and I don't know if I was madder or embarrassed-er.

"...but then you were talking to that big snot, Zack Philips, about getting out of gym, and even Wendy knows boys and girls aren't in the same gym classes."

"I'll just quit sitting, Lisa, if you want me to," I said, and, "I thought you and Wendy thought I was a good babysitter and liked me. I'm a real idiot!"

"Oh," she says, "You can keep doing it. But you won't be the boss and, if you don't give us half, I'm going to tell everyone that you pretend to be a girl. Starting with Zack Phillips."

"I don't pretend to be a girl!" I said.

"Oh, like boys wear skirts and paint there finger nails, and wear baby-blue shirts with sequins and all the stuff you did."

So I was scared, Marsh, but even more I was just feeling terrible. I mumbled, "I was trying to do stuff you and Wendy would like."

And Lisa got even meaner. She said, "Oh, after tricking us and our Mom that way you're going to cry."

I said, "Lisa, I didn't think you were like this at all! Good job of pretending by you too!! I didn't ever tell you I was a girl! I didn't know any of you thought that until after you gave me that shirt -- and you knew it would be hard for me not to wear it, didn't you?"

And Lisa was quiet, and I was thinking and think I did that good.

I said, "So, girl, the shirt and all of last night was just fake. To see what I would do, huh? But I tricked you!? And you're really planning on telling all your friends and everyone things you did to see what I would do. And that you have to have a babysitter at all. I was in sixth grade and know that everyone does, but they all deny it. And, Lisa, there is another secret too! Are you going to explain why I helped you change you sheets? Or what the padding around your middle last night was for?"

And she gulped and said, "You wouldn't tell that! You promised!"

And I laughed and said, "Actually, what I said was, 'No friend would ever tell about that about a friend.' But we aren't friends, are we?" (and that is what I had said too. Lucky, huh?)

So then she's crying, and I said, "So - see what it feels like. But don't worry, Lisa, I won't tell people until you start and then no one will believe me. I don't think I could do that to you even then, really."

And I start to stand up, and she grabs my arm and says, "No, Sky, I'm sorry. I just didn't know what to think and stuff and sometimes I forgot about it and... Please."

And I'm not sure to believe her or whatever, but I sit, and she said, "I wish I hadn't said anything and, if someone has to sit me, I want it to be you. And when I saw that shirt I wanted to get it for you because it's true. Really - you should see lots of 'em, - and then realized it would be a test like. -- But if you had just told us."

So I tell her again how I didn't realize, and that then I didn't because I didn't want to embarrass her and stuff. Then she hugs me! I mean like a good friend hug.

I said we should just tell her Mom, and how Ms Y. might already know too. But she is like: "No Way!" and sure her Mom would go ballistic and everything, and I can't really argue though I know she wouldn't so much.

So Lisa wants me to keep (and I tell her it would be 'start') pretending to be a girl when I go over, and I'm like I don't want to lie, and she is like it will just be not telling, and besides if her Mom finds out she knew she will be in trouble, and so I try to talk her into telling her Mom and say not telling longer will make it worst, but she says at least another week, and she and Wendy will talk about how I'm a tom-boy and then be surprised later.

And Marsh, it was like we were still friends after that. Because I saw Becky and Ann, they were there because it's first weekend (which is always right after 5th, and I had forgot), and we played doubles, and it's not as bad four people screwing around hogging a court as two, right? And we were like all laughing and stuff, and it's only when we got apart that I wondered if she is really sorry and OK. You know?

But -- so that is where we are -- or I am. Ms Y. knows but doesn't want to tell the kids because they will be angry at her. The kids know but don't want to tell their mom because she will be mad at them. Real nuts, no?

Do you think that I'm not lying because I don't tell them what the other knows?? Is it sort of their secrets now, so I don't have to tell at all?? I don't know -- Gaw, how could this happen? They all must be really dumb to have ever thought I was a girl anyway, right?

But they are nice, I mean were, and I think really are, but that kind of scares me, but I can see that they would be surprised and mad too.

I hope they're nice; I don't want to lose them as friends, 'cuz I don't got many. Even Ms Y. is, you know? But this can only get worse -- it's like a Nick-at-Night show (one of those really old sit-com things), only those were always about keeping a dog or getting a bad grade, not about being a girl!

Speaking of grades - school sux (have I said that before? :-P ) and I should go do homework -- I guess it might distract me.

Glad I got you to tell this to (I mean can you see me tell Dad? Even though he is easier to talk to now -- I mean really!)

With a Lota Love, Marsh
Sky

P.S.: Hey, Marsh, you want to meet up in a chat room somewhere some time? I know you won't do IMing because you're so OC when studying, but we could do a chat thing, huh?

Letters from Sky - Part 4

Author:

Jan S

Audience Rating:

General Audience (pg)

Publication:

Genre:

Transgender

Character Age:

Teenage or High School

TG Themes:

TG Elements:

Hair Salon / Long Hair / Wigs / Rollers

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

"And if I was a girl, I would think it was real cute and nice, and really, really want to wear it, probably, you know, but I'm not though."

Letters from Sky

By Jan S

Part 4

>>Wednesday, April 9th (night)

Really? You missed my letters? I thought for sure I was boring you for sure by now.

Nothing much has happened here really, yeah I got my hair cut at that place with Ms Y, and the girls got me another present too, another top. They are really -- doing something -- I don't know. It's getting too embarrassing and confusing to talk about, I guess. I got to figure it out.

Mar, I can't -- You know what I mean -- I just wish I knew what to do, but I feel... oh - nvm.

School is weird still, but only with teachers -- worse than ever. I think something is going to happen there. But at least the kids are leaving me alone -- it's like it's so close to the end of school they don't even want to know me enough to hassle me.

Doesn't look like I'm babysitting at all this weekend, so I won't get to see Lisa or Wendy either. I'll get to be my yeecky self for awhile.

bye,
Sky

>>Thursday, April, 10th (evening)

OK. It's OK you want to hear all about it. Really, Marsh. I'm kind of like not feeling like talking sort of. But maybe it will make sense to you. And I think that Ms Younger thinks like that it isn't a problem for me and is going to keep going on with it too. Ugghhh

I'll talk to Dad about getting a digital camera and sending you some pictures of the skinny me (and my beautiful locks too). But it takes a lot longer to get 'puter stuff done now that you and Michael aren't around. I'm not good at it like you, even if I am lots geekier overall.

OK, but details and in order. The hair cut thing was no big deal. It was a shop set up for kid's, with toys in the waiting part and cartoons on the walls, but there was a girl bigger than me in there and a little boy too, and their was this one barber that Ms Y. knew and wanted to wait for. And he was real gushy but nice too.

So he asked me if I call my hair blond or red, and I said sometimes one and sometimes the other, or strawberry blond sometimes, and he said it was a just a bit too red to officially be strawberry blond, but I could say it was, and I should take better care of it. Then he ask me what I wanted to do to it, and I said make it look less crazy but keep it long enough to cover the scar on my neck too. And he looked at the scar but didn't ask about it, and said he could do that and would make it a bit less curly and very nice.

And then -- no barber ever did this to me before -- he washed it. And he did it about four times, and then he took forever cutting it, like he was doing each hair one at a time or something. But I really like how it looks now, I guess, you know. It doesn't look like a blond afro from the hippy times, and he said he did it to have two looks if I want. I can part it if I want, but that has to be in the middle or just push it around and it comes on my forehead a bit. It looks good. I'm supposed to wash it almost every single day too, according to him, and I got three different kinds of stuff to use on it and one makes it less curly.

But on the ride back -- well actually before we started, because Ms Y wanted to talk to me when not driving -- I got the top that Lisa had got me. And I already knew about it, and I knew it was going to be strange, because Lisa sent me an email Monday night telling me, and she said I needed to be real happy about it so her mother wouldn't know I was a boy, and that any "girl with eyes my color and called Sky would have lots of stuff that color already."

But I was still surprised, Marsh. It is sky blue, I guess. You know a light, bright blue. But it has a tit place. You know?

I mean it's all bunched up right there and pulled down right in the middle of it and, I guess it isn't for people with real boobs because the pockets there aren't big, but just for girls, but then it's tight across my chest and makes it look like I got something there anyway, and it doesn't have shoulders but just strings to hold it up, and that part is bright yellow with checks of the blue, and below the tight part it flares out and is pleated and even doesn't come together at the back except for two buttons that are between my shoulder blades, and I can hardly reach them. And the blue part is real shiny and slippery and pretty. And if I was a girl, I would think it was real cute and nice, and really, really want to wear it, probably, you know, but I'm not a girl though.

And as soon as I open the bag, Ms Y says, "I know, Sky, but they really liked it for you."

And I said, "But I thought I wasn't supposed to tell them I was a girl, and wearing this would be trying to fool them (if they really thought I was a girl -- but of course I didn't say that part.).

Ms Y. sighed real, real deep and said, "I have been thinking about that, Sky. When we tell them you are a boy -- soon -- just say you didn't want to embarrass them by telling them sooner, and wore it to be nice and to avoid telling them they were so mistaken." (Which was stuff I had said to Lisa on Sunday already and was true too about the other stuff we were talking about then. But WHY would Lisa buy this?)

Then Ms Y. said was her fault again, because she saw and was looking at it, and even thinking how pretty it would look on me. Yeah, well, that's what she said. And that is when Lisa noticed it.

I asked her if she couldn't have said it cost too much because she already pays me and doesn't need to buy me presents every time too. But Ms Y said that it had been in a sale bin and very cheep, and her daughters had stacks of gift cards from relatives that they didn't know what to do with, and she really had a hard time telling them not to be generous until it got out of hand, which it didn't very often, and that she was afraid her kids were rich brats.

So I told her they were not, but were really nice. (True - all but one time, right?) And she smiled and said that was good to hear, and I was really nice too.

Then she went back to talking about the shirt and said I really should wear it the next time I see them, but she didn't have any plans coming up, and I shrugged.

And then she started the car and said she wondered how much I minded doing it, and I was like: "Huh!!" You know.

And she shrugged and said, "I'm not accusing you of something, Sky, just wondering. I'm not usually there when you are with the kids." (And I smiled, you know, because that's why you get a babysitter, right?) And she smiled and said at breakfast Sunday, I looked pretty happy being one of the girls, and that I cook cookies and watch movies that are 'chic flicks' or the kid version with them. And that that wasn't even counting things like wearing skirts and painting nails and knowing "The Hannah Montana" theme song (yeah, OK, but sometimes there aren't a lot of choices on TV.). And she knew about all of that already. Then she said, "You have fun doing that, don't you?"

I just told her I just didn't know what else to do besides wear the skirt after the spill, because I couldn't just hide, and I didn't know what I would have done if they knew I was a boy, and doing that other stuff is OK. And that I'm just trying to find things they would like to do or say yes when they ask for something if I can, and all like that.

And she smiled and said, "You know, Sky, many people think you show power and strength by saying 'No'. But I think you show it by finding ways to say 'yes'. That's why I spoil my kids; I like the power. So I like your answer a lot."

Ans I've been thinking about that, Marsh, and think she's right, I mean 'yes' is hard and 'no' is easy, right? But it's a weird to think like that, isn't it. And besides, sometimes finding ways to say 'yes' a lot just means you get pushed around all the time. Right?

Anyway, we didn't say much else until she said, "Think about whether you really mind being thought of as a girl, or if you are only scared of being found out." And she didn't say that until she was in the apartment parking lot, and she said she had to hurry to not be late, so I couldn't say anything back.

So I guess I won't see them at all this weekend.

OK, that's everything I think.

Oh Zack asked me if I wanted to go bike riding tomorrow after school, but I can't. It would be nice a lot to get one friend in there at school, or around here.

Are you back with Jim, or have you found someone new? Just wondering.

Love ya, Marsh.
Sky

P.S.: Mars, don't ever, ever say something about this stuff to our mother. I guess you know that already of course, right? But just, please, really super don't!!

>>Saturday, April 12th (noon)

HI, Big Bro!!!
Good to hear from you, Mike. Guess Marsha gave you the address, huh? Has she told you other stuff?

Sounds like you guys got hosed big, all right. I haven't been following the tourney at all this year, or even hoops at all. Guess I've been busy with moving and things. I'm stuck home today and will probably wind up watching some later.

I think Dad would like to hear from you too, you know?

Yeah, we still have all you stuff here. Well, some of the big stuff is in a storage place, but most of it's here. Dad didn't throw out anything, I promise -- I helped with the packing. If you don't want to talk to him, I'll find stuff and send it to you. No prob.

So long, Bro. (you called me that. Do you think we are really still, Mike?)
Jude

>>Saturday, April 12th (evening)

Hi, Marsh,
I'm only writing because you didn't like it when I didn't for two days before. Nothing big this time.

I just spent the whole day playing CoH. When Daddy finds out he will probably do his "You're a turnip" spiel, won't he? But I got a toon all the way to level 17, my highest ever by almost twice.

Zack is a real good scrapper, and he gave me a million influence and told people I was his girl friend, and that's why he always got the first bubbles, and we got on a good team and got raptor packs and zero g-packs both now too.

You and Jim doing OK again?

Does Michael have any rich old toons, you think? He wrote me BTW.

I think I'm going to hit the books real hard tonight and tomorrow. Friday I was sent to the study hall by four teachers to do work from earlier in the books. They said, "study hall," but it was in the detention room. Before that they had put me at the back of the room with work in some classes.

Dad wanted us to go fishing this weekend but something happened, and he has to be at the dialysis center all today and tomorrow, he wasn't supposed to have to do that so much anymore. Oh well. They have trout streams around here, and he said he's going to teach me to fly fish, just as soon as he learns how.

W/ a lota love and stuff,
Sky

P.S.: I guess you have been real busy with your papers and stuff, or other things, huh?

>>Sunday, April 13th (night)

Hi, Marsh,
It's OK. I don't think you need to write all the time. I know I get real, real chatty.

I thought you played that game some more than that though. Influence is what they call the money the heroes get. Zack's brother has some fifties and gave him a bunch of it. 'Toon' is what people call their avatars because they are like comic book heroes. C?

No, Zack and I had planed to meet up online. I called him to see if he wanted to go bike riding (someone was ragging me and telling me that I should work harder to get to know peeps and stuff, so I did it. And it worked out some.), but he was in trouble, I think for fighting with his brother or something, and couldn't, and we talked and got around to CoH, and got together to team up. OK?

And no he wasn't teasing me by saying, "girl friend", that was just because my character was a girl. The superheroes I had already built on the server he was on were girls. 'Bubbles' is what force fields are called, and I was an FF defender. Now you know all about CoH. Oh, he's a katana-regen scrapper -- I bet you don't care. We did it some more today, but not long, only a couple of hours, because of parental grief -- his.

I've just been reading Terry Pratchett stuff and watching movies since. I got "Princess Diaries, II" from the vid store, because I didn't see much of it the other night and, you're right, not nearly as good as the first, but I liked it OK. And Daddy finally got back about six and said he had found out about a good sushi place. It wasn't as bad as most places around here, but wasn't as good as back home and is a long ways and cost a bunch too; so weekly sushi nights won't be happening here, I guess.

Oh, you asked. The scar on my neck was an accident thing that happened right after Halloween last year. It's nothing. I don't want to go way into it. OK?

Haven't heard form the Youngers at all, no.

Mike hasn't written back either.

Bye, Sis. Hearts!
Sky

P.S.: Mar, I'm using some of the small things you kept in your room, and I know you said it was OK, but some might still be important to you, so I wanted to tell you. I'll take care of them.

>>Monday, April 14th (Late Afternoon)

Mar,
I got kicked out of school, Mars.

Well mostly. They moved me to all remedial classes. Really. And I got this real fat letter to give to Dad. Is he going to kill me? Oh, he's been real good lately, but still!!

And he has been so busy at his office and having to go to the dialysis place so much. I had to ride the bus from downtown because he had to work late even tonight. And when he gets home -- WAM from me.

You know, it's just -- I think the people I'm in with are like the dyslexic and learning problem kids, and remember Greg, down the street, he was in that group but was real, real smart if he didn't have to read. So it doesn't mean I'm real stupid, right? I know that.

But Marsh, I can read real good. I just finished the latest Pratchett in three days and all, and that's a teenager book -- at least, right? Not a kid's. And I read more than almost most people. And when we were reading Jasper Fforde's book, I had to explain about the Unitary Authority of Warrington Cat,, because I read so much and you hadn't even read Alice -- you weren't just pretending so I'd feel smart, were you?

Even though it was just introduction day today I could tell it's not going to be right, you know?

I'm going to go fix something good for Daddy's dinner. Think that will help??

Hug me, Marsh!

Love,
sky

Marsha, do you know who St. Jude is? If you do, do you think I got that name because she knew even before I was born?

>>Monday, April 14th (late night)

Hello Marsh,
I got your note and thanks and all.

Daddy wasn't real mad at me at all. I handed him the letter when he walked in and made him look at it right away. (I made him some strawberry turnovers, but the short cut ones with canned croissants, because this maid that comes in had already cooked for us. Just baked chicken breast, asparagus, and pasta.) He didn't say anything right after reading the letter, and it was a real quite dinner, but we talked about this TV show we watch together sometimes. Then when I brought in the turnovers he started to laugh, sort of, and he grabbed me and gave me a giant hug. (Which was weird, and especially because he was laughing. He's done that, OK? But only when things were real sad, before. And he wasn't.)

And we talked about it, and he is probably right - it's because of all the school I've missed and changing three times in a year (even though one of those was back to where I started). We counted up, and I've missed over eight weeks, not counting the times it was only one or two days like last week and when I had to go to the court or something. So he is going to try to talk to the school as soon as possible and see what the deal is.

Anyway, I can't get to sleep, Mars. So I looked for your letter. And thanks. I'm happy you think I'm a genius, even though it does prove you're not and are insane. :-P

Oh - Mars, Oh, Daddy just came in because he saw my light on. I told him I was writing to you, and he said hurry and finish, and then he put his arm around me and kissed my head on top. He's made me some chamomile tea in the kitchen, and I'm supposed to go drink it and then ride an imaginary down elevator (he ever teach you that for getting to sleep?)

But Marsh, I'm --- nvm, I should hurry and get the tea.

I hope I can always write to you Marsh!

Love and hugs!
Sky

>>Tuesday, April 15 (afternoon)

Hi,
So it was my first real day in dummy class. OK, that's just mean and stuff, but you know. Some of the kids were fine, and they were nicer than regular kids too, but it was weird. We all have carrels and then people have lessons in the middle of the room sometimes. And we spent the whole morning in one room and the whole afternoon in another, so it was like back in primary again almost. And I never really got called to the middle part, but told to finish all these work sheets, and then I just sat and read in the cubicle and, Marsh, it is like the teachers in there know I don't belong there and don't want me there either.

Daddy's going to call though. I hope it's fixed real soon.

And now I don't even ride the regular school bus either. It's like we're contagious and can't get mixed in with real people. I come home on a little bus, and they have a special boss person on it besides the driver. At least I only do that twice a week, and it's quicker so maybe no one'll ever see.

Saturday I went to the Rec center and signed up for some classes. And now I got to go to the first ones today. And I really don't feel like it. There'll be real kids from my old classes there, and they'll all know I'm stupid now.

I didn't even get to see Zack at all today, because of those dumb busses too.

You think Daddy will be able to get things changed?

hugs, sky

>>Tuesday, April 15th (night)

OK, Marsh, back again. OK, I'll tell you about the rec classes today if you really want to know. Daddy is in the kitchen working on stuff - the taxes I guess -(there's this little room off I entry that'll be his study, but his desk and stuff aren't set up, so I can't even watch TV while he's busy). We couldn't talk much at dinner because he said he had to get busy (and I hope he's not mad at me, or sad about something, but maybe he just needed to get busy like he said, right?) He can't meet with the school people until Friday, so I'm stuck until then. And I know he isn't mad at me about that, I think, because he said that.

Anyway, those classes were OK. I mean, you know, it was weird showing up, and they started three weeks ago, and I was worried about not knowing anyone, and peeps knowing to much about me and all, but the teachers didn't know I was stupid at least, and since they are for fun classes they weren't mean most of the time.

And I did know peeps too. Lisa is in my first class, which is pottery, and as soon as I walked in she yelled out, "Hey, Sky," real loud like. And before I can say anything she tells all her friends that I'm her new friend and tells me all their names, and it was about ten or a hundred so I don't remember them, and I wind up sitting with Lisa, instead of at the table where all the boys are sitting, (there were only six boys to maybe 12 girls.)

And because of all the others being around I only got to whisper about why she got me that top, and she couldn't really answer but sort of squeaked, "I forgot. Really." A pretty dumb answer, huh? But she did look embarrassed or sorry maybe. So we were working on our projects, which are fruit bowls, but are going to have to be for grapes and raspberries only because they're really small (maybe lemons, if I can get the clay thin enough), and we aren't using a wheel just hand shaping them, and the others are just starting on them too because it is the second project. (They made trivets like leaves first.)

And our table was so noisy that I thought the teachers wanted to tell us to shut up even though it's not school, and she did say "hush" a couple of times, but she stayed nice.

The girls at the table were real nice to me anyway, even being new, and I think that one of the girls at the next table is -- was in my Math class, but she talked to me now too. When that class was over, most of the girls including some of the ones at the next table that were older, had the Rock Dancing class, which must be real popular, and I walked with them, and we kept talking the whole time they got ready until they had to warm up, but I had the origami class next. (I wanted to do fencing because I don't think that would be strenuous (Do you?), but Daddy said no.)

So guess what next? Zack is in the origami class with me, and so I know someone there too. But his table was all full, but we did get to talk some. And except the first time he called me 'Bubbles', he was OK. And then he told his friends it was because I was a force field defender in CoH, and so it was cool, and they thought I was cool because I play that a lot. I knew stuff about some of the power sets they didn't even, and they didn't know that was because I build lots of guys and don't play them very long. And guess what else, Zack is also in my Fly Fishing class I'm going to take on Thursday (I'm going to teach Daddy how to do it. :-) ) (Emotes always turn out weird when at end of stuff in parentheses; hope you can see that one. Does the nose help?)

I learned how to make a box that doesn't open. Well it's a start.

So I had wanted to do computer or computer animation class, but those were crowded, and photography is on Wednesday or Friday when I can't go. So the class I'm doing before Fishing is Cooking, and I guess that will be OK, because we got this lady that comes in twice a week and cleans and makes us dinner those nights, but the rest of the nights we got to cook or eat out. Daddy's not too bad, and we got books like "The Bachelor's Cookbook" and "Quick & Good", but it'd be better to know more. I just hope I'm not the only boy in it, you know.

So, yeah, you were right and, I guess, so was that lady that told me I should do it. Because I didn't think about the school thing and stuff for a little while while doing that, like you said. (But then it ended, and I did again until telling about it. I'm only going to talk about good stuff for the rest of my life! OK?)

Daddy just told me to go bed right away. I think he's just cross, maybe because of doing taxes - it's been a big problem because of the accountant being so far away, and he said he was going to get an extension, but he's still been working on it a lot - but it might be something else because he doesn't tell me when to do that that much, but I g2g.

Love ya' a lot,
Sky (really I do, Mars!)

Letters from Sky - Part 5

Author:

Jan S

Audience Rating:

General Audience (pg)

Publication:

Genre:

TG Themes:

Accidental

Other Keywords:

Babysitting

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

"My life isn't so much back to normal after all, because even though everybody knows, and everybody knows everybody knows, I still wound up doing something totally weird this morning."

Letters from Sky

By Jan S

Part 5

>>Wednesday, April 16th (night)

Marsha!!
Oh, Gawd, Mars!! My weird life just got worse again. I was getting back to the apartment and those two girls that visit their father saw me, Marsh! In that top from Lisa!

I went to dinner with them, and when I was getting out of the car just now Becky and Ann were coming out of the building to go. And Wendy had rolled down her window and kept yelling bye and stuff, and Lisa waved out the other side too, and I waved back, and they did it until the car got on the road, and I didn't even look around, because no one's in the front parking lot at night, but it's Wednesday, and when I looked around there they were on the walk.

I put on my hoodie real fast, but they were almost all the way up to the curb.

And Becky yelled, "Hey, Jesse. Long time no see!"

And I zipped up the hoodie real quick, and said, "Hey! Yeah, Father's House Friends, ya' know." And try to be like there is nothing special, but I knew they had seen me before I got the hoodie on, and from the back that top from Lisa is as much only girl as from the front.

Becky smiled real big and just walked up and pulled my zipper down, and then said, "Wow! That's a great top, Jesse."

And I don't answer, I just stammer some and pull the hoodie shut, and Becky says, "Don't be like that. Let us see," and tried to pull it apart.

Ann said, "Stop it, Becky! Jesse, it's all right really. We know you're a really sweet kid already. OK? Don't show us if you don't want to. But if you need someone to talk to, you can talk to us. We will be your friends, if you want us to, Jes. Really, I mean it."

And then Becky said, "Yeah, sorry. Look, we're back this weekend. What you doing?"

I said nothing so far, and she said, "Come down to Daddy's Sat. morning if you want. OK. We will talk."

I said, probably mumbled, "'K. If nothing comes up from my parental or whatever. Maybe."

Then Ann says, "We need to go, or our female parental unit will be worried because I haven't been driving very long. Come real early, about ten thirty or so, OK? And our father will be playing golf, so Sky or Jesse can come. OK? -- Really, trust us or try to. And Jesse, if you haven't told your father, you should unless you're pretty sure he will go ballistic. And if he does -- run to our Daddy's place for a while, he will try to help."

They said other stuff, that's not every word but that whole last talk was pretty right. So, Oh, Marsh, that all means they think I do this lots and want too!?!? Because that's why I should tell, and why Daddy would freak, right?

There was tons of stuff I wanted to ask you and tell you about tonight, about the earlier stuff when I was wearing that top, and the Youngers, but don't know if I can now.

So, Marsh, what? Now more people know about this thing!! But they didn't freak or start laughing fits. Do they sound OK? They aren't the only people that saw me in that top, but I see them a lot - they knew me before. But, well, Mars, do you think they might have thought I was a girl too, at first?

Because Ms Y asked me -- well, stuff about the way I do things.

Daddy had to go to the Dialysis center again tonight, and he's not back yet. Do you think I should tell him?

Ms Y said it would be just once more, and she would tell the girls she knows, and Lisa said they were going to tell their Mom after the next time too, she promised. And promised no more presents too.

So, I was thinking maybe the whole thing would be done, and now those other girls know. But I can just explain, right?

Ohhh boy. I always screw it up!! Huh?

Bye and Love ya',
Sky

>>Wednesday, April 16th (night, about two hours later)

Daddy's still not home.

I've just been reading and stuff. (Being in the stupid classes means no homework at least.) And anyway, I'm not going to tell him about things tonight because he has all that about school and stuff, and the taxes and things lately.

But, Marsh, there's something else, and -- I don't know -- I like Ms Y, really -- I mean for someone's mom and all, she is OK -- but I've been thinking about something she said today and, Mars, I think it is weird for her to say it to me.

OK, she came to pick me up here. (I had to take a taxi back from the doctor's to get here in time.) So I had put on that top, you know, and I got some of your old shorts too, some red denim ones, and when she got here she told me to change the shorts and that I didn't have to wear the top thing if I didn't want, but we were suppose to hurry, you know, and I just got a pair of your old shorts, or pants, on -- the kind that are below the knee ones, but not to anywhere near the ankle?

But when I asked her why I had had to change, because I thought, being tight and shorter, they looked more like a girl than what I had on, but also something a boy might wear more than the other ones. She said (and she really said this Marsh! Just like this.), "Honey, you're box is a bit to big for those shorts."

And it took me a second to figure it out, but then I gulped real loud (I heard it loud anyway, maybe she did.), and I hid my head on my leg (because that was when I was tying my shoe), and she whispered "bulges." And I nodded fast, and wished she would shut up. And she said, "It's nothing to be ashamed of, Sky. There are ways to make it less noticeable."

Really Marsh. It's weird enough saying it to you, but with a grown up!

Mars, she had said before that that I was too old and too young to be comfortable talking about it with her -- you know, she knew it was a weird subject and all. But Marsha, do you think she might be weird or something that she looks there and then talks about it to me? Or what?

And more and more people are going to know, maybe?

I don't know. blhhhhhhhhhhhfff

Bye; Loves, Sis,
Sky

P.S.: But listen -- one thing that's kinda good from tonight -- something, maybe silly, but maybe you won't think so. I got a happy meal and they had real old prizes, leftovers, so random what you'd get, and I got Belle! And Wendy didn't get why I'd liked it because it just stood there, and I told them about the gender roles stuff and being a girl hero and all. So now she's going to stand by my 'puter full time, and since you did that paper I thought I'd tell you. I don't know why getting that kind of makes me happy even with stuff.

>>Thursday, April 17th (early evening)

Hi, Marsh
I'm trying to do what you said with Ann and Becky, and just wait and see what they do. They were not like freaked or laughing really. That's what I thought would happen. I don't know something to blackmail them back with like with Lisa when she was weird. So wait. OK, that's what I'll do, and see Saturday.

I'm going to call Ms Y. after dinner and tell her we need to talk and all, like you said too.

OK, I just got back from the rec center, and it was OK, except some things Zack did.

I said he was in my fly fishing class, right? There are only eight kids in it, but Zack had a partner already. So I had this little kid, who was nice anyway, but really bad at it. Fact: I'm better than the whole class because we aren't really trying to do fly fishing yet and keep the line whipping around and stuff, but just casting at a hula-hoop, and I guess I've done that more than those guys at our old cabin.

But anyway, after the class Zack and I got to talk, and his partner dude who was on the bus when I rode it, was like: "Why are you taking cooking? Ugghh. That's So Gay!!!" So I had to tell him about having to eat what I made sometimes, and it was just a good thing to know, and he couldn't really answer that, but was still like only: "Well, whatever."

And then Zack is even saying things about the origami class, and he is only taking it because he got kicked out of dodge ball the second day and doesn't want his mom to find out. And he was saying other stuff too.

And I asked Zack if we could meet in Paragon City, but he's going to play CoV or WoW, and had lots to do offline this weekend.

But then when I was riding home I passed him waiting for his mom, and he called and asked if I wanted to hang at his house. I was like no -- busy (I don't know doing what), but still. Weird?

So, well. Oh, BTW, Daddy's thinking about selling the old cabin because we're way out here, and he can't sell the house because of the market and things. He doesn't want to because it was his Dad's forever and all that though. I hope we can keep it. Don't you? He's trying to find out about renting it more.

And I was the only boy, in the cooking class, as suspected, but nobody acted like they cared there. I didn't know any of the kids there, or think any even went to my school, but they were friendly and we made macaroons, all from scratch, we even had to grate the coconut and my table's were the very best! That's because I made everyone stir the batter extra, and everyone else was in a huge hurry to get theirs in the oven. Next week we're going to make a pie.

So, I'd hoped we would be learning about making sauces, you know, or Coq Au Vin like, fancy stuff (what is that? - sounds neat, huh?), or lasagna, maybe, and things, but it's going to be mostly baking, which I've done with you lots. But still it is fun, so I'm going to keep going.

Look I g2g, but I still want to ask you about stuff from yesterday, so laters tonight. 'K? Daddy's going to be home tonight, finally. There's this tuna noodle thing in "Quick & Easy" we like, I'm gonna make. And Macaroons for dessert too that I brought home.

Whole Lotta,
Sky.

>>Thursday, April 17th (night)

Marsha!
Daddy is so nice! I don't know how you could have got all mad at him -- OK, not about that.

But anyway, tonight he brought me a frog. It's really just kind of dumpy and globby and stuff, but funny and cute. He said it was for me starting to become a champion fly fisher, and not getting to go fishing last time, and he had wanted a fish, but nobody sells stuffed fish -- 'cept the fish market, and those are way smelly - and who would want to hug a fish anyway. Then he said, "Humm, but who would want to hug a frog? Well they are famous for getting lots of kisses, so tastes must vary."

And I asked him if he wasn't mad at me and he said no. It had just been about business stuff and things. And he thought I had just meant mad about school too. But I asked him about what I had had on last Monday. But he said (just like this, Marsh!), "What? Why would that upset me, Judey? You're my kid, and what you wear won't upset me, ever! -- well, if you were wearing rags or a barrel, I'd be very upset, unless it was just because it was a new fashion. And I'd appreciate it if you would stay decent." Just exactly that.

And I think I never told you, but on Monday, remember the day I got kicked out of school and Daddy had made me tea? And then when he came to my room, I was holding Berry Badger and I had Kocobo sitting next to the keyboard, (I'm being nice to them, Mars, and taking care of them. Promise.) And, also, -- OK -- I had on one of your old nightgowns, I think it was the one like Samantha's or Kirsten's, your American Girl Dolls. I don't know why. I just felt like it that night. You said I could, right?

But I thought he was all freaked by that, but sooo not all all!!!

And he said that he has known Ms Younger for forever, over twelve years, and that she is unusual, but not creepy or weird or something, and that he knew that the kids thought I was a girl and that she had, because she told him, but that that was something he wanted me to bring up, which I finally had. And I told him about the girls knowing really too. And he thought that was funny, sort of, and he just said for me to get it straightened out. So I'm going to tomorrow afternoon. And after, I might stay there Saturday if they want me because he told me Ms Y is going somewhere again.

And too, Marsh, he said that it wasn't like lying when I took Wendy into the bathroom really because I hadn't done it to peek at girls or something, and it wasn't like there was anything to see anyway (because people all really use stalls), and if that was the most comfortable place to go that wasn't lying because sometimes, used to, those places were called comfort rooms (and even that commode came from a word meaning comfort.). But just that everyone in the world didn't need to know all my private stuff. (But, Marsh, you're a girl, do you think that is right? I guess Ms Y does.)

Anyway, we had a really long talk, some about what he's going to say to the teachers tomorrow too, but lots of it wasn't about real stuff either. And he even said I wasn't so big that I couldn't sit in his lap, at least until his legs went to sleep or to ask for a hug, when there was real worrying to be done.

OK, I just think he is nice is all.

So are you too though.

Loves,
Sky

Friday, April 18th (late afternoon)

Heys to you too, Mike
I'll get that stuff in the mail tomorrow. I was too late getting home today. I found it all, 'cept the Amy Winehouse CD and one of the Coldplay ones. I got all the 'puter stuff though.

I don't think Dad would mind sending all that stuff to you at all. But I won't talk to him about it if you don't want.

Yeah, so I missed the whole tourny. Duh!! I never even heard of Memphis before, so Kansas is OK with me. But we still got the pros, right?

Hey, did you wipe all your CoH guys? I've been playing, and wondered if I could get some influence, but they are gone. No big thing though.

g2g - talk later. 'K?

OH - I'm taking a fly fishing class near hear. Only had one so far though, but it'll be cool to do that, huh?

You liking college and all?

Cya,
Jude

>>Friday, April 18th (afternoon, an hour later)

Hi,
Well that's done, Marsh. I called Ms Y. and told her I wanted to talk to her, and she said that the kids told her they knew I was a boy, and she had confessed to them too. Just like that, all of that is over!

And I'm still babysitting tomorrow too and staying the night even because all of them decided it didn't make any difference to how good I was at sitting. So we're still friends! And Ms Y said that she and the girls had asked way too much of me. But I don't think it was really all that much, really. But they're all going to trust each other not to get too mad now.

OK, so now I just got to wait 'til Daddy gets home and see what happened at the school today, right?

Bye;
Skye

P.S.: Yeah, I'd probably wind up getting the package alone because they go to an office in a different building if they're too big for the mailbox, but Daddy might have seen the slip. (It's not all the way to the post office, just the office for the apartments, and they do that stuff for us.) If he's there I'll pretend it's just the college shirt, but what is it really?

Mike wrote again, and I got to send a bunch of stuff to him, so I got to go there tomorrow too. He's not over being mad at us, is he, Marsh? Do you want me to send stuff to you?

P.P.S.: OH, yeah. About me going into the lady's and all. That was one of the things I was gonna ask you about on Wednesday. Well, OK, Ms Y and I had picked up the kids at their serious dance thing, and it was a car pool with four other girls.

And some stuff happened on the drive that was kind of weird to me too, because the girls just kind of poke at each other - said things like: "Well wearing a training bra doesn't make fat look like boobs," (and you know these were all in just their leotards and weren't fat but some can look better in those, I guess. ). And then this one girl that had talked about always wearing a training bra, and kind of got called fat, started on about how people wear their clothes, and that was about me, about having boxers stick out at top of my capris, like a boy. And some of the girls were on my side about that. And then they said other stuff about that girl when she left.

And it seemed even meaner than boys, unless the boys are trying to be real mean, you know? And how they made it so it was hard to get mad out loud, because it was never right at someone? And about how boys would have yelled, maybe, or just wanted to, and the girls just went on? So is that just dancer types, or rich girls, because I saw their houses, and even though Daddy say that money buys a lot more house here then in Maryland, still, or is it always like that with all girls??

But -- OK -- then we were just going to get take out and take it to their house. And in the drive-thru Wendy had to go bad. And I was by the door, and she asked me to go with her. And I was like: "Come on!" (because they all know, you know?) And Ms Y even said it would be OK for her to go by herself because it was right by the door, but Wendy said she needed help with her leotards because they were too tight (and she had wanted to just take them off in the car because of that, so it was true, not part of a trick.) And then she didn't want Lisa to go either, because Lisa teases about helping or wants lots as payback, Wendy said, and Ms Y. said, "Take her please, Sky, before this is a big fight. It won't be a problem."

So, I was shocked and all but did. And Lisa was acting like it was nothing, but I think it was hard for her to. I mean I even said I didn't know how leotards work, because who knew the neck stretched like that, but it didn't work, because Wendy knew how, but just need help doing it.

And why, Marsh, do they all know it's a problem but do that?

Only Wendy seems like it isn't a trick, because she just seemed real embarrassed and said she forgot when I reminded her I didn't go in there. But it was too late to change it then, because she was squirming.

Then in there there was a line, but we got to go to the front because Wendy was obviously in a huge hurry by then. And Lisa came in and yelled (right into the stall) that we were eating there, and told one of the line ladies that said she had cute sisters that only the little one was her sister not the cute one. And Wendy yelled that her sister looked like an orangutan (and that was right while I was hearing her pee splash, Marsh.)

And when I was helping Wendy get back into her leotard, I got a babysitting offer right through the door (I didn't take it because we don't know them, of course.). And then when I was going (yes, I remembered to sit down - barely in time. :-P ), this teenager talked to me about my name while she was going too.

And, Mars, is that like that always too?? I mean even little boys don't do that stuff. At school they talk in the bathrooms because it's away from teachers, but stand way away from the stalls and things to, and not ever in the stalls or to someone in there. Unless it's harassing or saying things gross. So that was what I had been meaning to ask about on that night.

OK.

Love you,
Skye

>>Saturday, April 19th (morning)

Hi, Marsh,
No, it's not all straightened out at all.

Daddy said the school people said it was because I was withdrawn and anxious in class and wanted stuff from my psychiatrists and stuff.

And Daddy said that they should have waited to get the letters and talked to him and not made him wait four days first. And he thinks it is really because I did so well in school last year, because in three weeks all the kids have to take these state tests, and it is to see if the school teaches right, and if my scores don't go up enough from last year it will look bad for the school. Even though there are about a hundred and fifty other kid's. At least, he said, he thinks that is what the school is thinking. They just don't want me on the books right now, and in that other class I'm not. And the teacher's I have now know this is the reason too, and that I don't need the special stuff at all.

The other bad thing is it's hard to get out once I'm in, and that until I've been there six months they won't take me out at all, and then it will be into simpler classes than I used to take, which was the worse part.

But he is going to go downtown and talk to the main office people on Tuesday still. That's all he really said. He is real, real POed too. I could tell by how he talked real slow and soft.

OK, so don't know, OK.

Anyway, after that we tried to not worry, and he wouldn't let me use the computer, but said it was "us night," and we went to that not so bad sushi place and came home and watched TV together. (He just doesn't get "One Tree Hill", and never, never watch "House" with him! We wound up watching two parts of that real old TV version of "Pride and Prejudice" again.)

So that is still F'ed up, I guess.

Well, I'm going to work on my other problem, and go see Ann and Becky and explain stuff, then I babysit tonight.

bye,
Skye

Sunday, April 20th (afternoon)

Hey again, Mike.

Hey, I'm thinking about starting piano again.

Do you think it would work to put our piano in a really small room? You know, where you'd barely be able to walk around it. Or would that mess up the sound too much?

Anyway, figured you were the best one to ask. Dad and I have to talk about it more, but I think it'll be OK.

The other choice would be to have it right up next to the wall, and I know that's not the greatest.

So, sees ya,
Jude

Sunday, April 20th (afternoon, an hour and a half later)

Hi, Marsha
Well, guess what. My life isn't so much back to normal after all, because even though everybody knows, and everybody knows everybody knows, I still wound up doing something totally weird this morning.

But to keep it all in order, it was like this: I baby sat the kids last night, and that went like regular, OK? They really didn't act any different. Like when Ms Y. came out from getting dressed, we were making cookies (I brought some coconut (but the pre-shredded kind though) and macadamias, and we were making macaroons.) and she said something about getting burned cooking like that, and I hadn't even noticed but they hadn't got dressed after their baths and only Lisa had on only panties, and I was embarrassed because of that, but they were just still treating me the same, even though I'm a boy, and it isn't trying to trap me now.

So we made cookies, we had pizza for dinner, we watched a movie, and we played around on the piano so that was something new, I guess.

I'd never been in their living room, and it's huge, Marsh, and they have a piano like our old one only the real size right in there house! Not just a baby grand. ('Cept theirs is white, and I like black and shiny better. That's what a piano should be, you know?) And Ms Y said I could play it if I wanted; she was still there because this was when they had just got back from horseback riding, and I had go there real early.

Oh, and they ride English too. I had thought everyone out here would ride western, you know? But it was when Lisa was showing me her riding trophies, which was why we where in that room, that I saw the piano. And I messed around on it and played "Belle", sorta, you know from "Beauty and the Beast", because I could remember parts, and because Wendy had told me as soon as she saw me that that was the movie we were going to watch because we had talked about it at McD's.

BTW: I'm going to ask Daddy if I can start taking piano again too. Lisa said she wished she could play like me, (and I could hardly remember the song and wasn't doing good.), and I said it just takes practice (all wise and stuff), and her Mom said, "No, Sky, Lisa doesn't want to learn to play. She just wants to be able to play. They are very different things." (I thought it was funny.)

Ms Y. played then. And she is real good. And she said that was because her mother was a sweet, kind lady that forced her to do things that would be nice later in life. Not like their mother, who's a mean, wicked witch that lets her children do what they want. And I thought that was funny too, and Lisa and Wendy were just totally confused, I think. See why I like her?

Why do you think our mother made me stop taking piano? She let you and Michael practice, and liked it that he was so good.

So then the movie and all that stuff, but nothing important, just chatting and messing around.

Ok, so I got to get to it, I guess, because the main thing is about what I did this morning.

Wendy wanted to go out for breakfast again like the last time. I guess they do it a lot on Sundays. But Ms Y. told her that I hadn't brought the right kind of clothes for it because we hadn't set it up ahead of time, because it would take at least a nice shirt and slacks to go to the place Wendy was thinking of, and they had to feed me before taking me home too.

And Wendy said, "Even if Sky is a boy, she could just borrow a skirt. Couldn't you, Sky? Say you wouldn't mind, please. It's real neat, with cellos and stuff and drinks with strawberries in them, and lots of things."

(Marsh, she did say that! I don't know why that 'she' jumped out at me. She didn't say it loud or anything.)

And Lisa wanted to go too and said they could go by the apartment, but I didn't want to do that because Daddy might've still been asleep, you know?

Then Ms. Y told them to go away, and she sat down and asked me what I thought. And I just shrugged because I was weirded they were still like it wasn't a thing, you know what I mean?

And she said it is a place that is very nice. And they would LET me come as a girl if I wanted to, or we could go with me as a boy next time. And, Marsh, because she put it like that - you know it wasn't about tricking someone or not embarrassing them because of a mistake, or them wanting me to even - it just seemed like a really nice thing to be able to do. And when I said, "'K, if you really want me to," she said, "NO!! Sky, you're a very sweet person and very nice, but not this time. What is the answer for YOU."

So I did, Marsh.. And I gotta tell about Ann and Becky yesterday because that was part of it too, but in a minute, OK?

The kids were real, real, real happy about it, and not laughing or teasing at all. And then we had to find me clothes. And to make a long story short I wore a real long white dress, to the ankle almost - skirt, I mean, because I had a green blouse on, that had long bits at the bottom to make a bow/belt sort of, and I could have tied it higher to show my tum if it wasn't so nice a place.

I almost wore a shorter blue dress, but the only shoes that would work were some green sandals that were just barely long enough and just barely nice enough for this place. -- And Ms Y had got me some things from the dance store, when getting Wendy a new leotard, that boy dancers wear (Embarrassing!), but when I just wore some of Lisa's underwear things that was better for the bulges, at least in a skirt, because Ms Y had me sit down and push the dress down a little like might actually happen, to test. (But I haven't checked in some shorts yet.)

So it really was nice. With a chamber music quartette, and scones that were real good, and - I don't know - I guess garden party-ee. You know? And I liked it being nice like that, Marsh. Marsh, I felt silly the whole time, sort of, but not 'cuz it was a joke like. Just excited and stuff -- not like on a rollercoaster excited though, -- it's hard to say, Mars. Like getting out of the car and running after a long car ride excited, sort of. You know?

So, is it OK? Really? What do you think?

But anyway about the yesterday with Ann and Becky things -- I told them about Ms Y. and the kids thinking I was a girl, and then not wanting to make each other mad like. And they got all that, I think.

And I asked if they thought I was a girl at first too.

And that was because of something that Ms Y had told me on Wednesday too. She had told me to watch the way the girls at the ballet class tied shoes, and then had got me and the girls to look at our finger nails and me to push a hair out of my face at dinner. And she said I did that the way most girls do it in our country not the way most boys do it. (But she said some of each kind do do it the other way.) It was like not making a karate fist to look at the nails, but at the back of the hand; and using fingertips on the hair, not palm down; and bringing the knee up and not putting your foot on the other knee.

And she said lots of things like that was why it was they had made mistakes maybe, or I had change without knowing when she asked me to pretend. And I can't remember how I did those things before, so I asked those other girls.

But Ann and Becky's father had already got the whole low down (age, school grades, sex, shoe size maybe, they said.) from Daddy, so they didn't really know what they would have thought. And we talked about all that, for a long time, and about lots of things.

OK. Zack just called and asked me to bring out my bubble-ater, Marsh. I want to tell you more about it and stuff though. 'K? (At least I didn't say 'BRB' when I got the phone, huh?) And this is already way long, right? Laters, but Daddy wants to go out to eat and do grocery stuff tonight, so tomorrow, I guess.

Love ya' lots,
Skye

P.S.: Marsh, I'm not a perv, am I?

Letters from Sky - Part 6

Author:

Jan S

Audience Rating:

General Audience (pg)

Publication:

Genre:

Character Age:

Preteen or Intermediate

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

"So did you just walk in there and say, 'How do you do this?' You couldn't 'av!!"

Letters from Sky

By Jan S

Part 6

>>Monday, April 21 (late afternoon)

SCREW YOU!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!

You're a total, total ASSHOLE. Totally DIE

JUST

>>Monday, April 21 (twenty minutes later)

It Just Was NOT Like that at ALL, Mike!!!

At all, AT ALL!!!!!!!

I was there.

Daddy did not kick her out with nothing. I was there, Mike.

He was at the cabin. She had said she was having ladies in Sunday, and wanted him out of the way, so would he go, but needed me to stay to help set up.

And as soon as he left she started throwing things into boxes. And I didn't know why. Everything she wanted she took. The rest was all crud; she said that.

And a truck came that morning, and we went straight to that house, and it was already all set up with new stuff, and it's not a borrowed house either, because she had had it painted already like she wanted. And the truck wasn't even full!

And she wouldn't let me leave a note, and she got a phone that she could carry around and took it with her so I could never call when she left.

And Daddy does not either get "tons" of money from her for me, because he told the judge he wouldn't take it, and the judge said it would go to a special account for when I'm eighteen, but I'll give it to her because I don't want it from her either and told the judge. I was there!! And I said that in court. And he still sends her money. But they kept them separate in the court. That's all the truth.

And she didn't get terminated because of "Lies" me and Daddy told either. I got a about seven inch scar, and like a hundred stitches, on the back of my neck from my ear because she tried to cut my hair with a box cutter - that thing you use to scrape stickers from windows. AND it hurt like hell. And that's why she got terminated!!!!

And yeah - I broke a window on purpose. But know what, shithead? It was in the bathroom with the shelf thing behind the toilet, because I was locked in with a bookcase and stuff she pilled up, and twisted my ankle from being upstairs and stayed in an alley all night because I thought Daddy hated me too then. And someone saw me, and the cops got me and took me to the hospital, and the doctors testified in the court too.

And she had said she thought that Daddy had broke my arm that time we were getting the branch out of the tree, and you know he wasn't even there then. And said that I wouldn't say because I was afraid of him, and she thought he did worse things too!!!!

AND the only person in the whole world in my whole life that ever hit me was HER -- and you!! And assholes at school. But not Daddy!!! And you know it.

But if you don't believe it, just

Just screw it forever.

You're an asshole. I was there. AND I hate you fu=orever.

Just die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Because I was there and I was

>>Monday, April 21 (almost an hour later)

Marsha,
I just had a big fight with Michael. You don't believe that stuff he said in his email, do you? I was there. It wasn't that way, Marsha. REALLY!!!

Love,
Skye

>>Monday, April 21 (an hour and a half later)

Mike,
I'm sorry. I don't hate you or want you to die or anything.

But it was different. If you or she wants the piano, I'm sure Dad would let you because we don't have much room anyway.

And I hope you don't have to quit college either. Really. The judge said there were accounts for you and Marsha. And I think other money too, but I don't know. She was talking about being able to travel and the things she was gonna get though then.

But Mike if you just ask Dad, I think he might help you. I do. I'm sure. Really.

I'm really sorry, Mike, real, real. Really.

Bye,

>>Monday, April 21 (ten minutes later)

"K, I apologized to him. But he will probably still hate me.

I hope you aren't mad too, because I promised not to talk about that to you.

I'm sorry, Marsha, really. I didn't mean to; I won't again. 'K? Please!

Love lots,
Skye

>>Tuesday, April 22nd (afternoon)

Hi, Marsh!!
Yea!! I'm so happy you aren't mad at me too. I guess Michael still is though, and I can't blame him.

He just said some stuff about our piano and some other stuff, and we're not really supposed to talk about it -- right?

So I got to go to my rec classes soon. Want to hear about them later, maybe?

OK -- I'm glad we're still friends. A LOT!!

Many hugs and loves,
Skye

>>Tuesday, April 22nd (night)

Hi, Mars,
Uh-uh, I didn't save the letter from Mike. And I don't want to say what I said to him. OK?

Yeah, you were right, today was the day Daddy talked to the school district people. But it looks like nothings changed yet. But it might still.

And yeah, you were right about those appointments and stuff. They're with a shrink, and that's who the school wants stuff from, plus an old one at home. That's because of about the stuff that happened last fall, and some stupid things I did too. But I'm not crazy, Marsha. Really. OK?

OK -- so you want to hear about the rec classes, OK. We got the little bowls all shaped and could scratch designs in them if we wanted, and now they will be fired - that's like cooked to get hard, you know. -- then we paint them next time.

Lisa and Wendy said something was wrong, and I told them about the school stuff, rather than the Mike stuff, and now Ms Y. called tonight and has been talking to Daddy a long, long time. So, I guess maybe, she might not think I can babysit now she knows, but I don't know, maybe, -- maybe it is just work things.

Zack wasn't at the origami class today. But he called later and asked if I could hang out overnight on Friday, and he's going to tell his mom to call Daddy about it.

OK -- Daddy's calling. So I guess he and Ms Y. were talking about me.

Bye,
Skye

>>Wednesday, April 23rd (noon)

Hi, Marsh,
Daddy told me last night I could stay home from school today if I wanted. So I did. DUH!

And also that I'm babysitting on Friday because he and Ms Y are going to dinner. (But it's not like that, he keeps saying. But I think it is becoming "like that". :-))) )

So that's all good stuff, right? Ms Y. doesn't care about me being in the bad classes, I guess, and they still want me around. (And it means he and Ms Y. had lots to talk about besides me too! ;-) )

But it means that I can't stay at Zack's, but Daddy said that he wouldn't want me to do that just now anyway.

So I'm at home until I have to go downtown, and this is one of the days that that cleaning lady comes in so I'm kind of stuck in my room. (And she seems kinda mad because I'm in her way.)

Anyway, so Marsh, on Sunday Lisa and I had this argument, not mad --discussion, I guess I mean -- about "Beauty and the Beast" that we had watched. And we were talking about it more at the breakfast. She said the beast just got punished for not feeding the beggar lady, and it was totally unfair to the servant people to get turned to things. And I thought that the beggar lady had come to him because of stuff he did, and that was like treating people like they just were their jobs and as things already, and I guess it's still unfair to turn them into things for real, but they had let him do it to them, so in a way sort of it was fair. Anyway, I've been thinking of that still -- not busy enough at school, I guess (hehe). I think Ms Y. agreed with that but wouldn't really say, and hasn't seen it in a long time.

So since you're studying it at college maybe you know.

Loves,
Skye

P.S.: Oh, about the 'e' on my name. Well, this girl -- I think I said about her, in the car pool last Wednesday, that people didn't like, and said things about the way I wore those capris? -- she said, like she was real smart or something, that Sky was a weird name, and that it was dumb because the sky didn't even really exist, but was just an illusion, made up because of what people saw because they couldn't see what was there really.

And I told her it was also an island in Scotland (because I'd looked on the internet to see if it could be short for something besides Skylar, and that was all I found, (but Skylar can be a girl, I didn't know that.)), and then the girl in the bathroom said she had been there once and it was real nice. So I'm using that. And it's said the same way.

>>Wednesday, April 23rd (night)

Hi Marsh,
Aw, shucks golly, Mars, you really think I'm cute, huh? Thank you though, :-) Yeah, the kid's hair is not so bad now.

So, Daddy took over the camera after I asked to get one; 'cuz his 'puter's got more storage, he said. So you'll be getting pics from him. I think he's going crazy with it though, Marsh, and it's your fault! Did you get a pic of the chicken and rice I made? Or of the bookcases? He thinks he's going to retire and become a great artist now, I think. :-P

And NO, no picture of the top or me in the dress, ever, Marsh! Besides I thought we'd get a cheep-o from the drugstore, but Daddy got a pretty serious one and all. I don't think I can use it yet, at least not without the parental hover stoke going on.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that nothing has happened with the school thing still, but Daddy said he was working on a good plan. Anyway I don't have to go to school tomorrow again, and my doctor talked to Daddy and said that was fine and she would give a note, because the change was stressful to me. So I'm getting metal health days with a real shrink signing off on it. Something for all that time, I guess.

And no way; I never told her about the stuff with people thinking I'm a girl. We just talk about school and making friends, and about our mother too. That's all. She is nice, I guess, but it's still new.

We got a slip that your package came, but I rode home with Daddy, and we got here too late to get it. You still haven't told me what it is, you know!

It was Daddy's turn to clean up the kitchen, but he's ready to watch TV now (more of "Pride and Prejudice"), so bye and laters.

Loves.
Skye

P.S.: I still haven't heard anything back from Michael. Which I can see, but is he really going to quit college? You're not are you?

>>Wednesday, April 24th (late night)

Mars,
Daddy is real, real mad. Not at me or you or anything (maybe mama).

I let slip that Michael might quit collage because of money, and he said, "What!" And that he had put money aside for fourteen years, and it couldn't be gone. And that he wouldn't let it happen and legally you're as much his as hers now, and if the law says eighteen is an adult then the law is an ass, and all like that. And something else about some man in Massachusetts.

Marsh he was yelling, but not at anyone, and I hardly have ever seen him do that. Have you?

But you know it means he is going to help you and Mike with money, don't you? So that is good, huh? He's on his computer now, so I bet you get a letter, and Mike too. Tell Mike to take it, OK. Please!!

Love,
Skye

And that means he did really adopt you, right? She said he wouldn't. So we really are whole sibs, not halves. Right??

>>Thursday, April 25th (morning)

Marsh!!!!
Geeeezzzzz!!!!! I got the package, but where did you get this stuff!! This is more embarrassing then what Ms Y bought me almost.

Marsh, I don't know if I like really need the Nair stuff, you know, or if I can even do that stuff really -- I mean, Marsh, it's like not that big, OK? (I'm saying this?)

Who wrote this out for you?? How? Gah, Mars, really????

I tried what it said about the tuck thing but they wouldn't stay or anything, and I haven't tried with the tape, but it -- nvm.

Thanks and all, but I don't think I'll be doing that a whole, whole lot, you know?

Really - who told you this?

Love ya'
Skye

P.S.: The shirt is nice. I like the butterflies, and yeah, boys would wear that for someone's college because it's a plain color and all.
But, Mars that other stuff!??

Thursday, April 25th (afternoon)

Heys, Lisa,
'Guess I can send you emails now we don't gotta worry about your Mom checking up on it.

I'm coming over there for the night again on Friday. Did you know that already? My Dad and your Mom are going out together again. Do you think they like each other? Would that be neat? Or what do you think about it if they do?

So anyway, I just wanted to see if there was something special you'd like to do or anything. I could stop by the store and get some cookie supplies if you guys wanted to do that. Or a movie at Blockbuster -- Not "High School Musical II" please!! I like it and all, but you two wear me out. 'Guess I'm too old, huh?

I g2g over to my cooking class and make a pie now. So, that's all. Cya tomar.

Bye,
Sky

P.S.: Notice how I never used the word 'sit' or 'baby'. Nice of me, huh? :-P

>>Thursday, April 25th (evening)

Hi,
No -- not at all. It's OK. I was just surprised and stuff, not mad. I mean, thank you and all.

It's not like the kind of thing you talk about with sisters and all though, you know?

I tried the tape thing, and you're right about hairs. And I got some on the end.... but look anyway. -- nvm, OK?

Remember when you said things about what I said when I was real little? I think Ann and Becky might think that too. You know, I knew I was a sissy and all -- I mean, enough people told me, huh? -- But I forgot I'd said that. Did I say it to our mother too?

They said that their aunt works with people that want to be a different gender too, and they even know someone that is. And it's all fine with them either way, and that was Saturday. But they were at Chez Amy's on Sunday too, and saw me, so now they're sure. And they came by last night just to tell me. And I can't convince them.

OK - so today Zack wouldn't even talk to me in the fishing class. He got real mad and like: "whatever," when I told him I couldn't spend the night last night, so I guess that was why. And he and his partner dude broke one of the rods and just laughed about it and things. But when I was on the way home he hollered and waved. You know, 'cuz he was the first person to be nice here, I guess I should be nice back, I guess.

But in cooking we started making pies though, OK? And we just did the dough today, and next week we'll do the filling stuff, but this dough won't be good and the teacher is going to bring in all new. I'm gonna make a quiche tonight so to use mine up. It'll probably take about a dozen eggs though because I'm going to try to do the double yoke thing that maid we had did, and I'll mess up with separating for sure. (What should I do with the extra white parts?)

If I'm gonna do that I g2g.

Bye,
Loves and hugs and kisses too,
Skye

P.S.: I tried part of the instructions you got from people in that group at school and, instead of tape, used the smallest belt thing from Ms Y., but moved the straps different from what it said, and put pieces -- you know -- and that seems the best so far. But it still isn't so good with those red shorts, I think. (And it's got a strap that goes in my crack too. :-P )

So did you just walk in there and say, 'How do you do this?' You couldn't 'av!!

>>Friday, April 26th (afternoon)

Lisa,
OK. You like must never look at you email!! You're supposed to look and see what you got, you know? Not wait for people to tell you they sent it.

Well, I'm never, never ever writing you again.

OK, I'm leaving for your place now. And the first thing I'm going to do is make you look at you mail!!! And I got a surprise for you.

Bye,
Sky

You're not mad or something, are you?

>>Saturday, April 27th (night)

Hi, Marsh,
Sorry I didn't write at all all day yesterday, but I was real, real busy. Daddy said he talked to the school, and I'm officially home schooled now. YEA!!

But he said that didn't mean I'm not going to school. :-( And I got to take a Science class on line and a Math class and English too. And I spent all day yesterday doing these test things on the 'puter to see which ones I'll take. Also, I'm gonna have a Math tutor too at nights, and maybe one for writing too. But that sounds better than the other thing, right? I mean, it will be lonely, but I'll learn stuff, not just sit. And I think that's good.

So that's what I did all day, then I went to the hospital on the bus and could take a taxi home, and I went over to the babysitting kind of early. As soon as I got there I took an old sundress of yours out of my pack and changed into it, and the kids laughed and giggled, but happy, not teasing.

You don't mind do you? I know you said before, but this is different kind of stuff from then, and lots more too. It was the white one, with the just one tie behind the neck and no waist anywhere and the pink and blue tiny, tiny flowers and green vines all over. Do you remember it? I think it was for special occasions for you. But Marsh after testing on line so long, I thought I'd do it. I thought the girls would be happy because I did, you know. And they made me put on some of Lisa's underwear, because they don't like boxers even though you couldn't see them if I sat right.

So then I babysat all night. We did badminton ('cuz that's in the back yard, in case someone road by), pizza again, movies (High School Musical II (pant-pant)), popcorn (no cookies). (I wore some of your old PJs too. OK?) No fancy breakfast this time, because they had soccer games.

Only thing was that Daddy came to pick up Ms Y., and I guess I thought she would go get him because she has a nicer car. (Yeah, Marsh, she has two just for herself, I guess, the van and a fancy like one -- weird.) But he didn't even say anything. Just chuckled and hugged me and kissed my head on top and told me not to stay out long enough to get sun spots on my shoulders (and I had to explain about freckles to those two brunettes because he said that. I hate them! (not really,)). All just like he would have, and they left. And he was great in his tux, and Ms Y. was fantastic in this long black dress with white on it too, and diamonds in her hair and necklace. And he's been at the dialysis place all day again today, and I still haven't seen him since.

I did see Zack today though, and he was nicer again mostly. I went to Lisa's and Wendy's soccer games, and I guess he is on a club team for spring, and he was there and with his team at first, but then later he came over, and he had his jersey off and was parading around, and told me he was going to play CoH and to come on too (but I couldn't), and said come hang at his house for the afternoon tomorrow, so I am. (Daddy asked if it was going to be a group hanging when I called him. :-P , but it's a two person hanging, I think.)

Then I went to a movie with all the Youngers after their horse back riding, and I went in a yellow tiered skirt, different from the first one I wore, and a baby-doll that was yours again, but with puffy sleeves and shoulders, and smocked, not bunched for a tit place, and a closed back below the shoulder blades. It's green with little red flowers all over.

And then I came home, and Zack isn't still on line.

Those other versions of "Beauty and the Beast", you talked 'bout, sound weird, but it's still the same in most stuff, right? Just with sex and violence and stuff. I mean in about Belle beating the curse. Do you think they had kid versions back then, but wrote more of that in when they made books because grown-ups bought them? Anyway, I like the good old Disney version better than the ancient one's, I think.

You know another book I've been thinking about too. Remember "The Giver", and how when I read it and said they had got away at the end you were like: "Maybe. Read it again," and I was mad, and when I told you there were sequels that proved it you still said that was because people were upset, but the first book meant to be unclear. I see how it not being known isn't bad now, but I'm still going to think they always got away, because I just don't want the whole world to be like that place, you know?

Anyway, it's neat how you can still think about a book years later and still see stuff in it, isn't it. Those are the best ones, when writers don't just plop it all down and think that you can think. I wish I could write like that!!

Loves and Kisses and Puppies,
Skye

P.S.: I don't know what it means either!!!

P.P.S.: What did Daddy say to you? He did write you, didn't he?? Has Michael said anything ever?

P.P.P.S.: Do you think I could be a writer? I'd rather be a reader but want to eat too!!!!

P.P.P.P.S.: Enough of this 'P' silliness!!! Daddy finally got home and I'm going to go see if he wants to watch more of that "P&P" show tonight.
(Do you think that Jennifer Ehle was cute? She is a lot sometimes, and I never heard of her anywhere else. And I think Colin Firth is a good actor. (I like his hair. :-P ) I think Lydia is neat, and I like that name too, but she is just such a total dolt!! Bye)

>>Sunday, April 28th (evening)

Marsh,
I hate him!! Ugh. You know what the creep did, Marsha? I'll get arrested or Daddy will!

I went to his house, and he told his mom that we were going to be in his room and leave us alone. And at first we looked at some manga, and at his other toons on CoH and places. But then he said, "Hey look at this stuff."

And Marsh, it was a porn sight with ladies in all gross shapes and stuff. And I kind of said, "yuck," but you know, didn't want to put him down because I know lots of boys look at that. Then he had some more with men with like giant things that were worse. And he ask if I wanted to have a come race, and said he and his 'posse' did that. And I said, "No Way!!!"

And he put his hand there on me, and I knocked away, and he pulled his pants down and said I could touch his. And it was just right there sticking up right at me. And he said it was just playing, and that I'd like it. And he wasn't, you know, hurting me or something, but still, and when I still said, "no", he said I should go then, and he'd thought that a fag like me would want to do that stuff.

And I left, but he'd put my bike in the garage so I walked over to Lisa and Ms Y's for a while then and got a ride. But I didn't tell them anything, just changed the clothes he'd grabbed. And I don't know how I'll get my bike back now.

But then the worse part: When I got home there was an email from him, and it said he was sorry and stuff, he didn't mean to scare me. And it had attachments, and they were pictures of him, of him doing things and playing with it, you know?

And I sent him an email saying that I'd blocked him out and never send me stuff, but I don't know how to do that.

I didn't save those but opened them, Marsh. Will they still be in the computer? That's like child porn!! It's got to be. Will they know?

Bye, love,
Skye.

P.S.: Soon?

Letters from Sky - Part 7

Author:

Jan S

Audience Rating:

General Audience (pg)

Publication:

Genre:

Character Age:

Preteen or Intermediate

TG Themes:

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

"... and he said for me to stay away from him?!?!? And he walked to his car and yelled more names too.... He needs a vocab class, really."

Letters from Sky

By Jan S

Part 7

>>Monday, April 28th (noon)

Hi, Marsh,
I'm banished to my room by the cleaning lady again.

Nah-uh, he didn't really grab me and hold or anything -- just sort of tried to hug, but rough. And I could have asked his mom or brother for my bike, but just didn't want to. And I looked where you said and saw how to block his emails too. It was just really scary, Marsha. But he did let me leave and, yeah, took no for an answer, I guess. But made sure I knew he didn't like it. But it's all creepy as H-E-LL.

I know you're right, and I'm just going to forget about the whole thing. Because I don't want to tell; I don't want to ruin him or anything. And boys sometimes do what he was talking about, and a boy letting a boy see his thing isn't that weird, is it? They do it in locker rooms all the time, right? But if he does that again -- WAM.

So I got to try and forget it. I need to make a list of all the stuff I got to forget about, because I always forget and remember them. (I heard that somewhere - but it's true.)

Well, he was really a jerk before too, you know. Just the way he talked about people and stuff. He didn't have friends, they were always "His posse" or "A dude of his". Which is OK, you know, but all the time, and he made it seem like he owned them and stuff. He even bossed his mom like when I was there, and it should have bugged me then, because now I know. Only when he was alone was he ever really nice at all, but you know, I just wanted it to be lots different and all.

OK. I'm forgetting about that. Starting now!

So, so, no, I'm not going to be home-schooled or taught by tutors forever (And the tutors aren't going to be every night - just a night each, too.). Daddy says there are some private schools around, and I'll get into one of those or a parochial one for next year.

I hope I get into Westcott Hall. That's where Lisa's going to next year. But I think it's real hard to get into because Wendy said her Mom had to pull strings for Lisa (And Ms Y. said she didn't, and had to save all of them for people that don't study their spelling, which shut Wendy right up.). But also, some of the guys in origami go there too, and Zack said that they were all dweebs because of it, and that makes it sound good to me, you know? But that won't work, probably, even if I was smart enough and hadn't done all rotten this year, because it's so late to apply and stuff, and they start at seventh, and I'll be in eighth.

The only other I've heard about is Sts. Ingrid and Charlotte , that's where that girl in the carpool people didn't like goes, and it's got a brother school that's something Hill.

He's sent me three emails already, one from early, but I haven't opened them. Duh!!

I g2g, Marsh. I got to work on my 'puter Math class, bye.

Loves and hugs.
Skye

P.S.: So you still haven't said what's happening with Daddy and you. What's up with the money? Is it going to work? What is Michael doing? I almost wrote to him, but better not. SO???????????

>>Tuesday, April, 29th (night)

Hi!
OK - OK. I get the message. "Be quiet, little kid." That's alright; I know I still kind of am. But can't you say if it looks like it's good and if Michael will get to stay in school and stuff? Anyway, bet I can get Daddy to tell me. :-P

And see I'll still talk to you about all my stuff:

Daddy took me to the Sushi place again tonight, and he said it is pretty sure that I'm going to get into a good school for fall!!!! Yea!!!!!!!! But he still wouldn't tell me where until it is all set and stuff. :(

(And Marsh, I am almost certain the sushi waitress lady called me Judey-tan. She had an accent and stuff but remembered us from before, and I was wearing jeans and a brown t-shirt. But I'm almost certain it wasn't kun. Weird again, huh??)

But anyway, I just did my 'puter classes (lots and lots) and read some stuff, and I ordered those sequels to "The Giver" because I've never read them yet. And in my pottery class we glazed our little bowls, and I did mine in a shiny blue and a sparkley rose -- I hope anyway -- because they don't look like the colors until they're fired, and the girls said the jars get mixed up sometimes.

And I went to origami, and we learned to make cranes this time. And Zack was there this time, but he didn't even look at me. He did -- sort of glared actually -- but then turned his head away real quick. And he was talking to the boys he calls dweebs and at least not breaking stuff this time. But he twisted a cranes head in the wrong place and screwed up the tail and then said it was a dragon. And at the end of the class he threw it over on my table and said I could have it. And I just left it there.

His emails were like he was real sad, and he wants to still be friends and stuff, and he took my bike over to Lisa's for me to get.

When I got home I made lots of cranes for practice, and I sent you seven in an envelope. I hope they go through for one stamp and don't get all squashed, but if they do that's what they were supposed to be. 'K?

Nite, Mars

Loves and hugs,
Skye

>>Wednesday, April 30th (Noon)

Hi, Marsh,
Well, Andrea's back, that's our maid person, so I'm stuck in my room again. She's not mean or anything, just -- something -- grumpy -- and like: "You're in my way!", all the time, and she really, really does move fast though. Today she's worse because Daddy told her not to cook because he has to do dialysis again, and I'm going to eat with the Youngers'. That makes her mad I think, because she thinks we don't like her cooking, but it's OK, it's just things happen and, also, she leaves at six thirty, and Daddy's never here 'til seven or more.

So anyway, I got over two hours before I can go to my appointment, so I can write a long letter, but nothing has really happened lately, you know?

I did a chapter of all my on line courses things already today, some are real easy, and some are even fun.

Zack is still sending me emails everyday. What a jerk!!!! And they're all like, he's sorry and, "Can we be friends", then like he's mad at me again, or about how can I not like him when I've seen his house and live in an apartment. yeeeegggggg.

Marsh, am I gay?? Do you think?? I think I think so, or maybe bi or something. I mean it would be OK with you, right? Because you're in that alliance thing at school that you know the girl that wrote those instructions you sent from, right?

But, I guess, the reason Zack was nice is because he thought that I was, and so would do that stuff to him. And there's all the girl stuff. And people've sure told me I was and hated me for it. And there was that time with Benny, and she caught us without clothes, and that's when we were still only eleven. And I guess I am. And anyway, even if I am, I don't want to do that like that. It's just that - anyway so nvm.

I hate home schooling. Tomorrow I've got my first tutoring, but that's at night though because it's with a teacher.

So, laters, I guess.

Love and a hug,
Skye

>>Thursday, May 1st (Noon)

Hi,
Not so bored this morning -- I can go to the kitchen and not feel like I got to sneak around, and watch TV some too. But still it's pretty dull. And I already got a bunch of chapters of 'puter stuff done. I'm ahead on it.

I went over to the Youngers' last night, like I told and, Marsh, they have two maids and a housekeeper! And I didn't know because I'm there in their time off. We got there as the maids were leaving but the housekeeper lives in their garage, and they used to have an au pair too but stopped after Christmas, which is why I got a job. And the house keeper was driving the van, because she does mostly except when Ms Y. gets to do the carpool, and when I got in she called me "The Famous Sky", and was nice but kind of old, and she's Connie.

At dinner I found out that Wendy thought I was real poor, and I guess compared to them we are, right? That was because we're in an apartment, and I babysit. And her mom said doing things for your own money doesn't mean you're poor, and that Daddy was 'imminent'! And how we hurried to move here. And she's been trying to get him to work out here for years and years.

So anyway, it's all your fault!! I asked Ms Y. how, since she knew Daddy so long, she didn't know about me. And she said that it was because you're not a boy. She knew Daddy had two boys and a girl and twins that had just started college, so she was all ready to meet the daughter because both boys had to be the twins, of course (and they had to look just alike too, huh?), and then the other stuff happened. So see -- your fault. It's not like she's dumb, just that she didn't think about it. You know?

But, anyway, that's OK; I'm not mad at you for being a girl.

Oh, and I got my bike back at last then too! And Zack had taped an envelope to the tube, and it was like a letter that he most've wrote on Sunday, and it said he was sorry and really wanted to be friends and stuff. But, Marsh, he had cut it out of red paper into a heart! Hehe - Weird?

All right, I g2g and get lunch and then back to the lesson things. Daddy checks every night to see what I've done.

Bye

Love and a Hug,
Skye

>>Thursday, May 1st (evening)

Arrrrrgggghhhhh!!!
Zack the Asshole strikes again!!!

We did pies today in cooking. I told you, right? And that jerk ruined mine.

And we peeled the apples and did the filling and used the dough that the teacher brought, and had to hurry too, but still had to take them home in like flat boxes to bake them.

He is just such a huge creep, Marsh. I don't get it.

When I first got to fishing class, his "partner dude" teased me about carrying the pie and tried to pull off a piece off the top crust, and Zack was like: "Leave it alone," and even shoved the guy away, and the guy was like: "Huh," and then Zack was like: "Don't take it around, unless you want to get hassled," and called me some more of his favorite names. And the teacher told them to knock it off, and I just stayed as far from them as I could, but it's a small class. And when we were trying to get our lines close to the ground but not hit, they were whipping theirs around like crazy, and they hit the little kid that's my partner in the head with the weight because we don't use hooks, luckily. So I yelled, "Hey! Watch out!!" And the kid had a red mark but wasn't crying, and the teacher made them go and sit under a tree because it was the second time today, and made them stay longer to talk to too.

Then, because I couldn't carry the pie on my bike, I was sitting at the bus stop, and he came over, and said I was a stupid -- those names again -- that had got him in trouble all the time and knocked the box out of my hands upside down, and he JUMPED on it even. And one of the bigger kids at the stop told him to go away, and he said for me to stay away from him?!?!? And he walked to his car and yelled more names too. All like queer and faggot and stuff the whole way to his car. He needs a vocab class, really.

And now I got to tell Daddy I messed up the pie he was expecting.

Gawd, I hate him, Marsh.

OK, so rant over. I just don't get it.

We don't hardly ever talk about you, you know, I guess. How's it with Jim, and with your school too?

OH, well. And all. What's up with him do you think, Mar??

Loves and Hugs,
Skye

>>Thursday, May 1st (night)

Hi again!
Happy May Day!!!

That's all I wanted to say -- so many letters a day is kind of stupid, right?

I'd forgot all about it 'til Daddy told me. He wasn't too sad about the pie; I just said I'd dropped it and would do another for him sometime.

OK. That's all. The tutoring stuff wasn't too bad. He told me to write a story, and I picked "Beauty and the Beast." I didn't finish though, but that wasn't the exercise. Then he read it and said I must be a great swimmer. (Yeah, I was like: "Huh" too.) And he said because when I write I never have to come up for air -- I just keep going and going and going, without periods and things, and how, even if I do use one, I put an "And" or "So" or something after it to make the reader rush and get their head back into the water. He also said lots about my grammar and commas too. And with that part I had been thinking of it like a school thing even.

So my letters are probably worse, but are they OK with you? It's like I want to get it all down, you know?

But I'm over being mad with that boy now, I guess.

So, I told Daddy at dinner that I really missed spring this year, and maybe that was because we moved after they had had it here. But he thinks most people would say it is always like spring here, except when it's summer. But we decided that was like never having a spring, and it was one of the best parts of winter too.

Loves and Hugs,
Skye

P.S.: And I still can't get Daddy to tell me about what's with you and Michael and money either. You guys are mean! But if it was terrible, I'd know right??? Huh??

>>Friday, May 2, (noon)

Hi, Marsh,
I'd promised, promised to me to give you a break from my saga today, but then I got your letter.

I'm trying to get it all straight, Mars, but remember I'm still a little stupid kid, partly at least, and letters like that make me know it.

So yeah, I really, really should tell Daddy and have him call Zack's parents. I know that. It could keep getting worse too, yeah.

But Marsh, what if his family is all like that? I mean look, I'm squirrely, OK, Marsh, really. I know it. And now that I'm thin, I'm more. That's why even nice people think I'm weird and a half. I mean -- Just am.

So his father might be like: "Someone like you's gonna have to deal with it," right? Some grownups think that way. And his brother was waiting to drive him when he yelled all that yesterday, so it could be they're all like that. And it would just be worse then! Wouldn't it?

Or his parents might be the opposite and go ballistic, and he deserves it, I guess. But they could hit him and lock him up and all that stuff, and I don't want that. I just don't!

And, also, he was almost the first nice person here, remember? Even before Lisa and Wendy and Ms Y., and sometimes he was after too. And even if it was for bad reasons, it's true. Even at his house, right up to when he wanted hugs and to do that stuff and did all what he did, he was like real nice. He said funny things and laughed when I did. Then it changed.

OK. So, maybe I'm stupid -- a dumb kid -- probably -- but it is like that other stuff -- the way he treats me -- and his friends -- and mom even, and the way he acts and calls me names is like on top of something good, and I don't want that part beaten. OK? You see, what I mean? I know it's maybe just an act and, even if he likes me, it is harassing and stuff and all, but still.

And it's like you said too, he might have a huge crush on me or something like that, and he can't admit it even to himself, and lots of people that say the most about gays are like they can't admit their own wants or curiosity. So could he just grow-up out of being like that maybe? And even if he's not gay -- and I know wanting people to do that is as much gay as wanting to do it, like you said, but he doesn't -- he could still be a nice person down under. You see? OK, it's real dumb, and all. But still.

So -- other stuff. You still didn't get around to talking about your stuff because of all my drama. About you and Jim and school, I mean, not the stuff with Daddy you don't want to. I do like hearing about it -- you. So could you?

Daddy and I are going out tonight, maybe a movie he said, and something is up with Ann and Beck for tomorrow. They were here when I got back Wednesday, talking to Daddy. And I'm going somewhere with them, but no one will tell me anything. :-( Except I'm supposed to wear something 'nice but comfortable', Becky said. :-) I can do that I think.

Loves and Hugs,
Skye

>>Saturday, May 3rd (night)

I've got a new big sister, Marsh!!!! And she is amazing -- really, really!!!!

But it's real late, and I'm exhausted! Totaled!!! So I'll tell you about her in the morning, OK?

Loves and Hugs,
Skye

P.S.: You're still my best and favoritest one though!!!!

Letters from Sky - Part 8

Author:

Jan S

Audience Rating:

General Audience (pg)

Publication:

Genre:

Character Age:

Teenage or High School

TG Themes:

TG Elements:

Shopping

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

"So, what do you think about Kaezee?
"A: Wonderful, B: Fantastic, C: Awesome, D: Amazing, E: All the above"

Letters from Sky

By Jan S

Part 8

>>Sunday, May 4th (morning)

Hi there, Marsh!!
OK, I'm all rested up, had my Cheerios (Honeynut, course), and ready to tell you all about Kaezee.

That's from her initials, but she spells it out like that but sometimes puts a capital Z in the middle, and she says the boy in her comes out if anyone thinks of calling her 'Cozy' or 'Crazy'. And the K is going to stand for Kara, which means 'beloved', which she says she is; and the 'Z' might mean Ziv, which it is and means 'radiant'; or Zoe, which is 'life' (but not with dots or an accent thing) and what her grandfather's name meant; or Zara, that's from 'Bloom'; she hasn't decided.

And she has real black hair and not nearly as curly as mine but still real curly. And she's real funny and fun and nice. We went to the mall, and I got her a t-shirt.

OK, I guess I should slow down, Mar, because even I wouldn't have understood what I was going to tell. OK. So, do this in time order (Daddy and the tutor would be so happy with me, right?).

So: Ann and Becky came over first thing that morning, and Daddy let them in, and they barged in, and I was still asleep because it was Saturday and still not even ten, but they have to get up early on their father's weekends they said but didn't say why that meant I had to, but it's OK now because it made more of the rest of the day, you know?

And Daddy said he was going grocery shopping, and I went to say good-bye, and they laughed because we didn't have any problem with what I was wearing they said, and that that was good, and it was some old shortie PJs of yours with ruffles on the bottom part legs and neck and hem, and I wear that stuff to breakfast sometimes, but not much other of that kind of thing around Daddy, because it's hard to change real quick in the morning.

Then I started to get dressed in grungy clothes, and they said no, but I was going to change in the car, because I knew what they meant by 'nice' when they said what to wear, and wanted to. But they said that people around the complex wouldn't notice because they didn't pay attention, because that was the kind of place it was, and because I'm a kid, unless you spoke right to them and, maybe, still not.

Aaarrrggh OK, I guess, if I tell you absolutely everything like this, I'm never going to get the Kaezee part, obvi, right? Arrggggh.

OK, but this is the real important stuff:

I wound up wearing the orange culottes that I wore to Lisa's last week, and the green smocked top, because I didn't think the orange went with the top they wanted and they wouldn't let me wear the tie-dyed blue and yellow T that I was going to wear, though Becky had on a T-shirt. OK, then that meant my blue and white shoes and all. And they kept looking at each other and rolling their eyes, and I told them later they should get that fixed before they rolled out because they did it a lot all day long.

But Ann said, "OK! No lunch - Shoes!!" and we all ran down the stairs, because I didn't want to risk the 'vator, and Ann drove to the smaller mall near here and we went to a store next to Bloomie's, and they had a sale -- 2 for 1 -- so I got four pairs, two thongs and two sandals. And Becky was real annoying because she kept trying to get me to get these red pumps with about eight inch heels, as if!! :-P

But later I took back the hose I got to get some that Kaezee said were better, and I did get some wedgie slide-ons with about two inch heels, and Kaezee says I've got to learn to run in them for homework; is that possible, Marsh? I also got some white flats that were like what Lisa wore to go for breakfast that time, and they all called them maryjanes, but doesn't that mean a T strap? And these just have one strap and not real rounded toes at all. And I think they are cute anyway.

Also at the Fair Trade Store I got a bag because I was making Becky carry all my stuff because I didn't want to use my backpack, and I did have pockets but real loose ones. So it's white canvass but with lots of embroidery like vines and flowers, only not quite, and as wide as a regular letter and square and a like macrame strap of different colors. And I thought it was pretty and nice because you could use it with lots of stuff even if it didn't have a real way to close it, but I don't think Becky and Ann did because they did the look-at-each-other-and-roll-eyes thing again. What do you think? Anyway it's helping someone in Bhutan, right?

Then in Bloomie's I saw a sale on these cotton skirts, and one was yellow, and I bought it because Dad gave me fifty dollars last night, and Becky had said for me to bring all my babysitting money and gift cards, and I got a blue one too because Ann and Becky convinced me. I don't know what it's called, they aren't pleated but are ruffly at the bottom but not like the bottom of tiered skirts where you can tell where the ruffle part starts real easy.

Then we got pizza at the food court because Ann was famished, and she was the one that had said shoe shopping was more important than lunch!! And she didn't want to eat and drive, so we had to hurry.

So then I changed into the yellow skirt and green and yellow thongs in the car, and Becky laughed because my boxers were longer than it, but Ann said, "It's a look. S.I.C. girls do it all the time with their kilts. They have blood, piss, or plaid boxers to buy in their uniform store." (That's the school I told you about and their colors are maroon and gold, and they wear red with yellow plaid pleated skirts, not kilts, but some people tease about it.) So I guess it was kinda OK to have them show a bit, and I rolled them into like cuffs, and they didn't show when I walked or stood, only sitting, and the skirt is short enough that it's hard to sit on it when sitting down.

And see I think what I was wearing when I got to Kaezee's is real important. Do you?

Kaezee says that's because I'm a noob, and just learned I could and even knew that I keep looking at catalogues and ebay to learn all the words, and so that clothes mean a whole lot. But I guess I could have just left out all the shopping stuff but didn't.

OK, but so anyway, we got to Kaezee's. And no one still had really told me where we were going. And she was wearing these real short and tight, pink or, I guess, faded red denim shorts and a white peasant blouse with lace but not a very low neck, and so short you could see her belly-button stud sometimes, and she ran out to the driveway when we got there.

So after a while she said, "Come on, Sky, let's go to my room." And I look at Ann, and she waves her arms like: "Go, Go." And in her room Kaezee makes me sit on the bed and sits at the desk. And she says, "'K, what you want to talk about?"

And I guess I should have said we had just been sitting in her den place that was real cluttered, not dirty, you know, just lots of stuff, on this real long couch and watching TV for almost ten minutes or more, but not really watching, and no one saying hardly anything, and I was like: "What's going on," then. And that was kind of in this basement place, but only half a basement really, just eight or so steps down, and more steps going the other way for a part that was higher than the other part of the house.

And now we were in that up part, and her room is even more messy and tiny too, and she has just a twin bed, but it's got a white canopy and a pink ruffed thing, but with books and stuff sticking out from under it, and thousands of stuffed animals and beanie babies all over. I mean really, Marsh, more than you even ever had. And Samantha, the American girl doll, was right next to her computer.

So I was sitting on the bed when she had asked that.

She has this super uber cute little dog, that's a Bichon-Maltese named Slipper, and he's hers not all of theirs, that had jumped up on the bed, and I don't know how because it was so high, but he did, and he was all licking me and wagging like crazy. And I was trying to catch him to pet, but he wiggled way too fast, though I think he really wanted me to.

And, also, that when we had first got there, we had come through the kitchen, and her Mom knew Becky and Ann already, and she told her my name and said I was a very unusual kinda girl. And I thought that was weird, and she had just met me too and stuff (OK. Now I get it too, but just didn't right away.). But her mom just said nice to meet you type stuff and smiled.

And so in her room, when she asked that, I'm like: "Nothing -- I don-no", because I still had no idea what it's about, you know?

And Kaezee said, "Ann and Becky didn't say anything?" And I shake my head, and she laughs loud and gets on the bed and grabs Slipper without any trouble, and says, "They thought you could smell me, I guess."

And I still am like: "Huh?"

And she says, "I'm a very unusual kinda girl too, Sky."

And I finally tweaked to what she meant, and I giggle and then a little more and then, you know, couldn't stop.

And she giggles too and then laughs and says that Ann and Becky are idiots and shouldn't have done that to us, because she thought that I'd told them I wanted to meet her and all, but for me to talk to her anyway. And I pointed at her shorts, and was still like I couldn't talk because I was giggling but also because I was just real embarrassed too. And she thought I wanted her to prove it, but laughing still, and I managed to say, "Bulges?" And said, "OH, yeah - tuck and tape."

And I told her about the paper you sent me and stuff, and we talked about you and Daddy and her folks too, and about Ms Y. And about the belt things which is what she uses almost always too, but says that it's different than the instructions because boy dancers want to look like they got more for one or both of two reasons, not less; and I told her I did it different too.

She showed me how she has it done and then helped me do it, and she said that the trick was to get the 'little buggers' trapped in their home, and it just takes practice, and she put the tape on for me that time, and I left it to get used to.

And, Mars, we talked about how I'd let her do that too. I mean she didn't touch anything just slapped the tape down, but she could see. And I said how even when you and Michael would go in the sprinklers I wouldn't, even when I was little. And she says that's because around one group we don't look right, and feel weird, and around one group we know it isn't right, and they're acting weird, and around both groups it would just be confusion which to feel, maybe. And that we always knew it, inside. But with each other it's OK. And in that way we're a third gender, but we really, really aren't.

And she also said that it was OK because I wasn't at all her type anyway. And I asked if she meant she liked girls, and she said, "Hell NO! I ain't gay! Not that there is anything wrong with that." And I laughed like mad because -- you know.

OK, and let me see, we talked about how I'd used the Nair stuff on my legs and pits, and that got us to school because she asked if I was scared about the locker rooms, and I told her about getting kicked out, and she said that, yeah, the teacher's were just real intense on their kids just before those tests and wouldn't have wanted a new kid that needed to catch up, and she was sort of like what I had thought about that, but seeing it in a better way for the teacher's, and that was probably right, but still unfair to me, and she agreed too.

And she said about how she got lonely and things all the time, or used to, too. And, you know, just all kinds of things and lots. And boys and girls too. And Zack.

And, oh yeah , she goes to Westcott Hall. And Becky and Ann go there too, and I didn't even know that. And she says the school knows she's "a very unusual kinda girl" but not all the teachers, she doesn't think, and only some of the kids but that it is OK, and she is in tenth grade and already sixteen, and she's got a brother that is just started in medical school, and a sister that is in college for the second year, and a little brother that is fourteen and an eighth grader and has the hots for Becky (and she's in ninth, which is older than I thought. So he is fat out of luck.), and a little sister that is nine and in third, but she doesn't know Wendy.

So, yeah, a huge family, but she called me her new sister then, and I said I didn't really think so, and she said that I could be a part time sister and that was OK with her, though some of our sisters didn't all think so. And we talked about dressing in girl's clothes to pretend and to not even really pretend, but to be a boy that everyone knew was in a dress, and to do it because it felt good sometimes but it not be for always. And I kind of thought that that was me, but she didn't really think so I think, but I don't know. And I said I mainly liked to be a girl when it was to do real fun things, because then they were fun-er always, or if I just felt like real bad or alone.

And she told me we had brothers too, and neither one of us could really figure out why, but it takes all kinds.

And Ann came up and knocked on the door, and we had been it there way over two hours by then. But Kaezee said stay out because we weren't decent. We had clothes on and stuff by then, but just she was hugging me because we were talking about the scars on my stomach and the stuff that happened back then.

But she grabbed me and tried to tickle me to stop me crying; that doesn't work, but it did a bit, and put some eyeliner on me and some lipstick too real, real quick. It wasn't my color she said but it would have to do, and she said to tell Ann and Becky that we had just been talking about make-up and hair and stuff because, though they were real, real nice, they just couldn't really get everything we had talked about and were even smart enough to know that, but that I didn't really want the questions from them trying to figure it out. Which was real true!

OK, Marsh, I know this is like the longest letter in the history of the world (I should call Guinness's maybe?), but I really want to tell you about all of yesterday, OK? Because it was just -- just because. You don't mind, do you? I guess you can take a break or something, right?

You just have a chatty little sister sometimes, I guess, and I guess I'm your sister right now because I still got on your old pink baby-doll PJs, and I think I still smell like lavender a little bit too. But I have to tell you why yet.

OK, I'll try to speed it up some. OK, the rest real fast, OK?

We all decided to go see a movie, and Kaezee had to convince her parents; and her little brother (only lots bigger than me) was talking to me about school and stuff because he had been watching TV with Becky and Ann all this time. So I just told Scott, that's his name, that I didn't know where I was going next year, and he's going to be a freshman at the Hall but just starting, and I just said I was doing work for my old school right now and stuff. But when Kaezee came back she told him to stop trying to make Becky jealous by hitting on me, and that made both of them mad, but more embarrassed, you know, and me too. And she stuck out the tip of her tongue and wiggled her eyebrows up and down, and nobody could stay that way with her, not even Scott very much.

So we all went to the big mall, not Scott, just us, and he was mad because Kaezee got out of going to see their Grandparents. And Kaezee has to go tomorrow, which is today now, and she has to go in disguise because, even though they know about her, she doesn't make them see it. And we got to the Mall and did more shopping, and I got two more tops (Both were on sale. OK?), one's a peasant blouse like Kaezee was wearing but with little blue and yellow threads in the seams all over, and the other a teal T that has shell sleeves and a round collar and is tighter than regular ones. And I also got a skirt just like the one I wore to breakfast that time with Lisa and Wendy. You know, the long one that looks like it's a slip with lace on it, but it's really not?

And we went to the store that was the same as the store in the little mall, and they would let me have my money back for my hose, only buy something else, and they didn't have control tops in my size, and I probably will have to go on line for them, and Kaezee says to use 'em even though it's not my tummy that needs to be controlled. And that's why I got the other shoes there.

Then we had dinner.

Oh, listen, I wanted to get that T in pink, a real kinda bright hot pink, and no one would let me! They said that wasn't my color at all, and they kept doing that all the time when we looked at stuff that wouldn't even show, or we weren't really going to buy, and said I could wear mild pinks if it wasn't very much only. And so do you think that's so?

But after the movie we went to a sports store for just girls, and I got two pairs of these things called spirit shorts, that are like what cheerleaders wear when they're not built into the skirt, and so you don't have to worry so much about your skirt showing something with other things because they are thicker or you wear them over panties, though they look just like they are them, or something; I don't know why, but it's OK to show them, maybe just 'cuz cheerleaders do all the time. And when we were looking at them, Kaezee said they were good for keeping Jack and Bill where we wanted them without taping them down, and she said it right out in front of this sales girl that wasn't very friendly, and she just thought Kaezee just meant our boyfriends and the shorts were sexy, at least I hope so anyway, so it was really funny. And so I got a blue and a pink pair, and that was the only time they let me get pink all night.

I had got shrimp quesadilla for dinner. You ever had that? It's good. I think they must do Mexican food out here because the sushi isn't so good. But Ann says she knows of real good places and is going to tell me where, so maybe we just haven't found them yet. But Kaezee has never even had sushi and won't try it! She just eats tempura and stuff there.

And we went and saw "Maid of Honor," and it was OK, I think, there were real funny parts, but Kaezee and I kept talking so much the olds around us kept shuss-ing, and we finally moved to a part without people around, and even Ann and Becky wouldn't come with us. We were just making fun of the movie and talking about the actors and other actors and stuff, you know, but we held hands and leaned on each other the whole, whole time, and had even when shopping too. But it wasn't like holding a boy's hand -- I mean like dating holding hands; just we wanted to do that.

And when we went to the bathroom I told her about what Daddy said about it being best and OK where you were most comfortable, and she liked that a lot, but said it could make other people uncomfortable, but they didn't have a reason and about lesbians anyway, and it really just being their prejudice that made them not comfortable anyway, not the people. And it is weird and a half going pee when taped down the first time, but you probably didn't want to hear about that, huh?

But OK anyway, I'm almost done, Marsh. Just one more thing to tell about.

After the movie we got drinks at the food court, and I saw an instant T-shirt place. And I snuck away with Ann, because I was using her charge card for everything by then, and got Kaezee a T-shirt that says "A Very Unusual Kinda Girl" on it, and when I gave it to her she pretended to sneak off (but I knew what she was doing. Duh.) and got me one too! And I'm going to wear it today when I go to bicycle with Lisa and a friend of hers, and they got mine in sky blue (my color, with greens) and with bright yellow letters, and Kaezee's is pink (because she wouldn't let me get any for myself, and it is her color already), with blue. And the letters are scrolly and like cursive. Pretty neat, huh?

But Kaezee had snuck off for real, and got me some Mr Bubble lavender scent while we were looking at lip glosses because, see, she had told me the best way to get the tape off of there was in the shower, but the better, nicer way than that was to do it inside a warm bubble bath.

So now I get to buy her something else real soon. But right now I'm broke totally, and owe Ann like thirty bucks.

Then we drove everybody home, and the security guard guy at the apartment was out front, and he helped me get my stuff into the elevator and didn't even act weirded about what I was wearing because I'd forgot to change.

Then I ran in like I had to go to the bathroom and had to put on some basketball shorts because Daddy was watching TV. But it was already real late so he didn't mind not talking much, and I took a bubble bath and got on your PJs (Pink!!) and then remembered to write and tell you stuff last night, but was too tired to say it, and waited 'til this morning to tell you everything, everything. And I really hope you don't mind too much, because it was like getting to do it all again a little, you know?

Anyway, I'm so sorry for being so -- what's that 'verb' word? Dinosaur book time. -- You knew I meant 'thesaurus', right? Sounds like a dinosaur's name, right? So 'verbose' was what I was thinking of, but can I be 'loquacious' instead? I like how it sounds better.

OK, so I got to get dressed. I'm still in my PJs, and I'm going to wear my blue skirt and the pink spirit pants to bicycle with them. And my Unusual Girl shirt too!!

Bye, Marsh
Your little sis (since I'm still in my nightie),
Skye
& Loves and Hugs!!

P.S.: And, Marsh, I was kinda all weirded at the start in the morning, but I just am not any more.

Don't let anyone else know, OK?

>>Sunday, May 4th (almost ten minutes later)

So, what do you think about Kaezee?
A: Wonderful, B: Fantastic, C: Awesome, D: Amazing, E: All the above
:-)))

Letters from Sky - Part 9

Author:

Jan S

Audience Rating:

General Audience (pg)

Publication:

Genre:

Character Age:

Teenage or High School

TG Themes:

Voluntary

TG Elements:

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

"...maybe you think I'm totally weird but, Mars; they feel good, and they are, and I've never gotten to before, ... they are just real important. I mean there are so many things to wear now...."

Letters from Sky

By Jan S

Part 9

>>Sunday, May 4th (night)

Hey MIKE!!!!
Great to get you letter. I really am sorry about all that. Just blew up I guess, and I'm really sorry, and I'm just so glad you're not all mad about it.

Yeah, the hair cut thing. Look, that was an accident, and she didn't really mean to do that or anything. Just a mistake. OK? It was about my costume and things. All right?

I'm really, extra glad you talked to Dad and got the things about school fixed up, man!! That's great news. The Old Guy and Marsha won't say anything to me about any of that.

Too bad you got to study so hard now too -- no faith, dude -- you shoulda knowed it would work out. Right?

Mars is all done with classes already she told. Now she's got three days for just reading and then just tests and papers due after that. You like that too? College is so neat like that, right?

Schools here get out on the twenty-third this year because Memorial Day's so early, you know? And they never have to go after that, and that's lots earlier then the schools back home. But they go back real early in August and get less holidays, I think.

You planning anything for the summer? It would be great if you and Mars might be able to come here for a visit or meet us somewhere.

So long for now,
Jude

P.S.: So look, around here lots of people call me Sky, like Marsha always did, you know? Why is a real long story, but so I'll probably start using that, OK? I kind of like it better than Jude these days, but I spell it Skye, which is this island pronounced the same way. You can call me Jude still if you wanna though -- just don't call me late for dinner. (HaHa)

>>Sunday, May 4th (night, an hour later)

Hi's Marsh,
Guess what!!

Michael wrote me today, so I guess he's over being mad. He didn't mind telling the little squirt that Daddy had said he'd help with money and stuff. So score one for Michael in the Who's Nicest Contest. :-P

I guess he's going to help you with it too, right? C'mon, Mar --Tell me already!

Gah, BTW I can't believe college is like that. You're all done! 'Guess I can't gripe about it this year, but I just got done with two hours with my math and science tutor, and she was a lot less funny than the writing guy.

So you're really doing that thing at the museum? And you get to sit in a backroom and mess with old books and tapes and stuff all day, during the summer, and you don't get paid, and this is a good thing? Blahhhh, Marsha!! OK, OK. But there is a reason I call you Martian sometimes!! (Just kidding, you know; I still like you, OK?)

Marsh, if you're staying at our mother's will I still be able to write to you? She won't like it, you know. What do you think?

You think there's any chance for us getting together this summer sometime? Or are you going to be all tied up all the time? I don't think our mother should know about that either, but maybe somehow. I'd like to see you is all, you know? But probably won't, huh?

I rode my bike a long way with Lisa and her friend, Amanda. There's a real long bike path that used to be a railroad behind the big houses and golf course, and it even has bridges over the big roads, and we went all the way to this park that has this really nice garden. Parts that are all like a rain forest and parts that are roses and flower beds. And lots of animals that mostly got hurt and were rescued in a little zoo part -- that's kinda sad -- but it was still nice and real fun. Amanda is pretty OK I think.

There were some boys there that kept looking over at us and stuff, but no one said anything, so it was OK.

So that's it.

Kaezee can study with IM on, and I've been talking to her tonight too. But I know how you just take studying more serious and don't want to get distracted and about the time difference.

So, I'm glad you are over Jim, I guess. Now, this George guy -- he sounds really nice!

Byes

Loves and Hugs,
Skye

>>Monday, May 5 (night)

Hi, Marsh,
No!! I'm not sick at al!! I didn't write this morning because Ms Y. was coming by, and I had to get my 'puter stuff all done early. She took me out to lunch and, yeah, I wore 'nice' clothes as Ann and Becky euphemistically called them.

(I got a vocab widget on my 'puter. :-P Did you know that some people use the euphemism for a euphemism for the bathroom -- because there are so many euphemisms for it. (Even bathroom is lots of the time, right?) It told me that.)

But I think Ms Y. is real weird still. But not in the weird way and stuff I was scared about before, or even about not having problems with me dressing like this. She said she knows that I had a hard year but not any of the details (like she wanted me to be sure of that), and that it just has to do with what she had told me before about liking to be able to say "yes" and all, and she just thinks I seem happier when in my "girl mood"; that's what she called it. And I said I'm not happier really but can be like it more, sort of.

Anyway, we has lots of fun, just us today. And she was real, real surprised to see me in "girl mood" when she showed up, and that surprised me, you know, because I'd thought that was the whole point. But anyway she was happy I was, she said, because she didn't really know what to do with a boy for a whole day (and she had come to get me before Andrea got there.), but knew what to do with a girl, and that meant shopping. And I was glad, because I wanted to go with her, because there were some things I think I needed, and I didn't know if Ann and Becky, or even Kaezee, weren't kind of going over board when they made suggestions. You know, for like going out to breakfast like we had, or something, but they were better for movie or hanging-out clothes for sure.

So that's what we did all day, well until about three o'clock when I had my appointment thing.

But you know what, Mars? She is real, real, real rich! Even more than I thought. I guess not Bill Gates rich, but up there. She says that her great-grandfathers had tons of money, but says that since she didn't actually pick her great-grandfathers that doesn't really make her different from people who didn't pick their real poor great-grandfathers. So, instead of just flying around the world, she is on all these boards and stuff and tries to use it for things, but isn't crazy and isn't going to give it all away though. But they have three houses, a mountain one and a beach one.

And at lunch we talked about a whole lot of deep stuff, not just why I like wearing girl things, but lots and lots. Like, she said that there is a disease that rich kids can get from hanging around poor kids, and it is that they think the money does make them better and that the poor kids tell them that too, and soon they can't tell the difference from a friend and someone who just likes hanging in fancy places and stuff and getting things from them.

And she said she thinks I won't give Lisa that disease, and that's one reason she likes me too. And that the disease the poor kids get is maybe worse because being a friend gets to be more like something to get paid for, but that it doesn't spread to everyone in their lives like the rich kid's one does. Did I say that OK?

She didn't call them rich kids and poor kids when she was talking though, because she meant even kids from families like ours that really are doing OK and Daddy's successful and all. And that being in our group can actually make it so you can get either disease, or both. And that's one reason that some rich people try to separate their kids at private schools and boarding schools too, but sometimes that backfires. And, OK, lots like that.

Daddy latter said he thought that Ms Y thought she was slumming it, living in that giant house with only three servants plus the gardeners, but it had to do with things that happened in her life that upset her but, of course, he wouldn't say what to me.

But she also said, when I complained about Andrea being grumpy last week, how she understood how annoying having people running around doing things for you was and that that was why people with lots of servants always had large houses, so they didn't have to watch (she always puts stuff in ways like that. :-P), and that was actually the reason why she came to 'rescue' me from Andrea for today. So maybe she just doesn't like having lots of peeps around either.

And Ms Y says that I have an intriguing mind, and she wasn't talking about me liking to be a girl at times then either, and that that didn't mean I made plots and schemes, because that's what I thought of at first, but I knew it means interesting too. But that it was how I had got her to talk like that, and talked about it back, and then she looked over, and I was sitting on my legs in the booth and was just a little girl, her daughter's friend. And don't you hate it when olds say things like that and all? I mean what do you say back, huh? But I like that she said it.

So, I like her a lot, Mars, she's weird and nice too, But she laughed when I told her she should try to get Daddy to take her out more (and I said that it was only so I'd get more babysitting money and could pay for the present that I had got him.). So I guess that idea might not be working out. (And Daddy kind of laughed pretty hard when I tried to hint about it too last Friday when eating out.)

But that was kind of what led to all that other stuff about friends too. Because, she said, the best person and best man she ever knew wanted a warm study full of books, a little garden to dig in, and a glass of nice wine a few times a week; and that having many houses with lots of rooms and large grounds and wine cellars meant he couldn't have any of those three things. And I guess that was Lisa and Wendy's dad.

But I got into all that and it's almost time to go to bed, and I haven't told you the important stuff!

I got two more dresses today and really, really nice ones! One is a dark green, real smooth one that has an empire waist with a ribbon that can be changed but comes with a white one and balloon sleeves, and the other is a dark blue one, because Ms Y says you always need to have one, and it's waist is regular and it has buttons up the front with like fake frogs that are light blue and is mid-calf, but not real heavy, and I got both of those at Nordstrum, and I kind of didn't want to because it was so much, but Ms Y. said I should. And I got a light blue, shiny skirt that is like all different places at the hem, like zigzagged, you know? One place is real high. And it has a fringe, and I got three new nice tops, two blouses: pale blue and plain and a peter pan collar the same color, and I got a gold pin, called a Celtic knot, to wear with it too, and a white one with three-quarter sleeves and a bow at the neck, and one yellow that has the long pieces to tie where boy clothes would have the tail, like the one of Lisa's I wore one time.

But I got some grungy stuff -- not grungy, like boys do, but just not as nice -- because Ms Y says I don't have to be a girly girl all the time, and I had already thought about that. So I got two regular Ts, but one with lots of flowers and one with playing puppies because, if you're gonna wear stuff a boy would wear, why be a girl, right?

And when I told Ms Y I couldn't wear pink because I was orange, she said, "Nonsense!" So I got a pink (but almost purple) top that's short and has frills on the sleeves and collar. But I didn't get any shorts or stuff; except a pair of blue jeans with bell bottoms and flowers, and some red blue jeans with straight legs, and these real cute yellow shorts, and some sweat pants that only come to just below the knee, kelly green ones and bright red ones; even though Ms Y wanted me to, because I explained about having all your old stuff, which already gave me lots of those things, but the jeans all being too long and those sweat pants not being around way back then I guess.

I think she wanted me to stop borrowing Lisa's, so I got lots of panties, four packs, and I just got plain ones because Ms Y was with me and all. I mean with designs on them and good colors and stuff, but not like the ones we looked at on Saturday. :-P And I got them with the waist at lots of different places and things too, And I got them all too small though, Ms Y. thought, and I didn't explain it to her why (I mean she should get that, after what she got me.). And I like them, they feel good, and I think my favorite are actually the just plain white ones with just little ruffles on the legs, but they aren't so tight so some things they won't work with for me without something else, but they look cute I think, and I also like the low cut, but not bikini ones that have flowers embroidered on the waist, and so now I can wear them all the time. Kaezee explained how the Victoria's Secret stuff wasn't good for very unusual kinda girls usually, except on top of other things, and regular tight panties can be better and quicker to get into.

I got three bras too, Marsh. :-P I didn't get real padded ones or anything, I don't want to be a lady like yet, so the regular ones are OK (well a little added, you know.) Kaizee has some special forms to use, and she has started to grow because she's been taking pills for it for over a year, but isn't as big as Becky yet, who's fourteen and not that big.

OK. You're loquacious kid sis is done now. This got almost as long as yesterday's monster, huh?

But know what else, at the very end Ms Y got mad at her self -- you know, not really, she just said it -- because we forgot all about shoes and have to go back on Wednesday. And I told her I got the six pairs on Saturday, but she thinks I need at least two more of real good ones for dressy things and some new tennis shoes in a different color than blue, which would be good.

But, BTW she didn't buy all that stuff, she just took me. Because that would have been like having that disease she said about, true? But I asked Daddy to gave me a charge card before he left this morning, and also, except for the two real nice outfits, we got it all at Macy's and Limited too, and those place, and Filene's Basement and Target too.

But it was an awful lot of stuff, I guess. How much money does Daddy have, do you think? I think he gets lots more out here than he did back home, but I don't know how much. And he kinda growled when I asked for the card, but not real seriously at all. But you know what? He never did ask anything about what I had bought and anything, and I guess he knew that I was going to buy things like I did and did on Saturday too.

But, Marsh, he must just be totally OK with it, right? Is it maybe just not all that weird after all? Everybody almost all around here seems to think it's OK anyway. I mean Ms Y, the kids, Becky and Ann, everybody in the world. And sometimes that makes me feel weird too, because I know that my doing all this and doing it so much is weird!!!! Big Time Weird.

And listen, Mars, I know I talked and talked about clothes and shopping a lot for two real, real long letters now, and maybe you think I'm totally weird but, Mars -- but they feel good, and they are, and I've never gotten to before, you know? It's like Kaezee said they are just real important. I mean there are so many things to wear now. And, Mars, it just feels nice to now. Is that weird? It's not like I like to because it's something dirty. I mean, I know some boys might, but it's just different. I can't say it well, is all. Is that OK? If our mother ever knew she would kill me, I know. What would Michael think? Ms Y. is like it's OK, and so is Daddy, because he sees me in nighties and PJs, and I wore one of you old camisole tops last night, and he didn't even notice, I think. So it is OK with lots of people, so it's not crazy or perv, right?

But there is another thing I want to tell you too. There were these boys that were riding skateboards at the park on all the walks and stuff yesterday, and we were sitting on the little kids play ground things, you know, the little rocker things on springs shaped like animals, and drinking, and I said something funny about Brad Pitt, and Amanda likes him lots, and she pushed me off mine, and I fell on the ground with my legs way up. And this boy was looking over, you know?

But he was looking right, right at me, right there!! When I was like that. And OK, that is one of the things about being a girl, and it's OK to show those shorts because that's their real purpose and all. And I know that I didn't have bulges, I think, because I'd checked, even though I'd had to kind of rearrange things for the bicycle, so I don't think he saw something like that. But Marsh, I think it's that boy that's Zack's partner in Fly Fishing! And he was looking and with his mouth open.

And Kaizee says to add it to my list of things to forget about, and I am, and that he probably would have looked like an idiot looking at any girl, and he probably didn't know it was me because lots of people look alike, and that most people don't decide that you're a very special kinda girl when they see you even if your lips are thin or jaw too big a little, because lots of other girls have that too. And that it might not have been him anyway.

And Lisa wants to tell Amanda, and I'm afraid she will, even though I have blackmail things on her, because Amanda might not even care or understand or already know about that thing. And Ms Y says that there will probably be more people that I have to tell, and even said that Amanda would be one of the best ones to let in on it, but that there are lots of people that will understand.

And I don't want that, Marsha!! You know!! Because they won't understand no matter what they say, OK?

And I don't know if all these people that "understand" now are trying to get me to do this stuff more and more too. But sometimes I think they are, and I'm glad because it's OK when I'm like that, but still the more that know then -- I don't know what. I just keep getting it all mixed up. A lot, I guess.

So, OK. I guess. I just feel better like this, but -- I don't know why -- or what I mean. You know?

I think Kaezee might be back from her meeting by now, or maybe a bath, and I got to do my hair tonight. OMG it is real late!!!

Bye

Loves and Kiss!!
Skye

>>Tuesday, May 6 (very early morning, forty minutes after last letter)

Hi again,
This is just a PS to the long letter earlier is all.

Since you got all exams and papers and stuff, do you want me to stop writing so much??

I can, you know. I know how extra crazily serious you take all that stuff and all?

Loves and Hugs
Skye

>>Tuesday, May 6 (night)

OK, OK, Marsh,
Geez, I won't stop already! OK? I hope you don't mean I am the break in your day because the stuff I say is so dumb and funny. ?? Because I could sure see some people doing like that, but I couldn't see you doing it though, so alright.

So the only reason I didn't write this morning was because Daddy told me to be sure to get all of yesterday's computer stuff done first thing and to get caught up. And I guess I should know all you've seen today is what I sent yesterday, because it's already tomorrow where you're at, but I know college people stay up real late so maybe you will still get this today, huh?

Nothing to give you a break though. Not even Zack at origami class did anything except laugh when he looked at me, and even the boys at his table and other girls got annoyed at him for it, and he stopped. Lisa and Amanda and I all three started on our finale projects in pottery and are going to try to make like fake flowers out of clay, and the teacher says that's the hardest of the choices we had. Oh, I got my bowl thing back and it turned out to be green and yellow instead of the colors I'd wanted. (It's a plot! Even the rec center won't let me have something pink!) But it is real pretty.

Then I met with my Social Science tutor. Can you say "Dull". Not him so much, just the stuff. I don't get it, Marsh, if history is so good when they do movies about it, why does it have to be dull to study? OK, /whine.

So now I feel bad about not writing an uber long, long letter. :( But I got to write something to Michael. Did he tell you what I told about the haircut thing? Well, he wants me to talk more about it, and I don't know if I want to, but I got to at least say I'm not. And I even signed off with Kaezee to think about that.

Bye.

Loves and Hugs,
Skye

P.S.: I've got my doctor's appointments change to the mornings now because I don't have school. And I won't be around when Andrea gets here. So, no morning news casts tomorrow, and I'm going to lunch and buy shoes with Ms Y., but in the afternoon. OK?

>>Tuesday, May 7 (almost midnight)

Hi, Mike,
OK, yeah, you know, I'd heard that poem about "no man is an island" thing before and stuff, but thanks for calling me that still. Maybe I'm not an island either, but I still like that name. And I'd read about it on line, but I didn't know that was where you and Dad went and caught a salmon, and all I got was a t-shirt that said "all I got was a t-shirt", when you went to England that time. But, yeah I'd thought it seemed real nice and empty when reading about it too.

You don't think it sounds too girly like, do you?

But about the haircut thing and her, you asked about. I guess you're right and should hear it from somewhere.

So, I guess it started on Halloween last year. I didn't have any plans. I'd only been there for about six weeks, and there weren't a lot of peeps for me to get to know anyway, but there was this one little kid, I don't know, a couple of years behind me, and he had a sister, who was in eighth grade at my school, and they lived next door.

Anyway, our mother didn't like me to spend time with them much, she didn't like me to go anywhere much.

But on Halloween they drove into their house just as we were getting home, and the boy was in his costume already, because they had had a class party probably, and he was a hobo BTW.

So the lady asked what I was being and stuff, and I said nothing because I had forgotten about it. And the lady was like: "Oh, come over, and we'll get you fixed up."

So she didn't want me to, I could tell, but she didn't want to say that in front of a grown-up.

So the girl tried to invent a costume for me, and the best, besides just a sheet to be a ghost, was this old like table cloth around me and a blue clown wig and an old shirt to be a bag lady, which went along good with the boy's hobo, and they got old towels inside my shirt to make real big boobs, you know. And I had four shopping bags that could be for candy, and we made them look already full. And they thought it was real funny, and I got it all off before I went home.

Then two days later she was at the grocery store and saw their mother and saw the pictures from Halloween, and came home and yelled about how awful I was, and that her son didn't do things like that, and lots of stuff, and then decided it was my hair that gave them the idea, and the costume had had a wig, and my hair was still short then because it had almost been cut off just before school, remember? But she decided to shave it, and her shaver for her legs got all filled up and she found the thing I'd used to take the stickers off of the new mirror in a drawer. And I guess I was upset too, because she called me cry-baby, and I shouldn't act like that too, and it just got her worse, and then I guess I jerked my head, and the cutter thing slipped, and I started to bleed and she left and blocked the door so I had to stay.

But I don't think she really meant to do it, or anything. And, Mike, she has always not liked me, and I made her unhappy, you know? At least some, some times. And she got more like that starting last year and then more when we moved, and then all the time. And she also thought Daddy was to blame for it, which is why she wanted a divorce, and he didn't act right about lots too, she said.

And so anyway that's what happened then, and then the stuff with the courts and all. And I guess you can know because you want too, but I wish I didn't know. OK?

OK, bye. Break a leg on all you test and stuff.

Cya, Skye

Letters from Sky - Part 10

Author:

Jan S

Audience Rating:

General Audience (pg)

Publication:

Genre:

Character Age:

Teenage or High School

TG Themes:

Voluntary

Other Keywords:

philosophy

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

"...when she saw my room she said it was never to late to have a girlhood, or at least the mementos...."

Letters from Sky

By Jan S

Part 10

>> Wednesday, May 7 (early afternoon)

Hi-s, Marsh,
Working hard? OK here's your break for the Sky Update. :))

But I don't really know what I can tell you about since just last night really. Well, the shoes I got today.

Ms Y. didn't have tons of time this time, but I wound up with four new pairs, and one has high heals! Only two inches and real wide, but still. The other is some white flats and two pairs running shoes, but one all white and one with green, but I have to find a chance to wear the heels around Lisa before she has some! And there really aren't that many.

And I got some new bags, a messanger one, that I can use even as a boy, and a real cute tiny back back too. And then we had lunch again, and Ms Y kept asking me questions about what I like in school, and about books, so it was back to more like a regular talk with an old this time. She had to go to a meeting then, so I got back here.

So that's all my shopping news, Marsh. Well, it was fun and, yeah, I got a ton of this stuff now, huh? And I've got to find somewhere to wear the heels!!

And changing the doctor's appointments doesn't really work, because now I just here after Andrea has already started her work, today it's only a few hours, but most times I'll still have to get into the kitchen to make my lunch and stuff still. And today I had some clothes to wash, and Daddy takes most of that to this wash-and-fold place or the cleaners, but I do some of mine in this tiny little washer/dryer in a closet in his bathroom, and she was in there cleaning when I went in and just stared at me. And now I'm stuck until she leaves. :(

But I've got lot's of 'puter classes stuff, I guess.

But you know something? I was thinking, and sometimes I feel like stuff happens so fast that there are things that I always plan to tell you and they just get lost. And that's why I wish I could just see you some so much, because in letters it never is like just regular talking.

Like I never told you I'm reading "Pride and Prejudice", and that, instead of a movie, Daddy took me to a bookstore last Friday -- yeah, well you would have thought it was better maybe even, but not so much me, and I do like reading too, you know -- but anyway, I wanted to get it, and he pretended he wasn't going to let me because it was ruined now because I'd seen the movie version and all that again, but I got it, and it's not ruined at all. The letter part that was good in the movie, the real long TV movie, was even better in the book. And you know what I figured out, and it was maybe too fast in video to notice, Mr. Darcy is the least prejudiced one of them all!

It's like not, like, about prejudice like we would call that -- you know, that some kinds of people are bad or something, but like making judgments on what you expect (Which yeah that is what prejudice is), but I mean it's about making assumptions about someone, and then no matter what happens, seeing the happening as proving the assumption about the person. Right? And, yeah, I talked about it with Ms Y. but she didn't give me that, I thought of it before.

And he stops first; Lizzie doesn't until after the letter. And Daddy was like: "well, duh", but with a smile, and you probably are too, right? But anyway, I think that is neat. So. But do you think that Jane Austin thought that that was because Lizzie was so special or because Darcy was? Because I think it was Darcy.

And aren't you glad we don't name people things like Fitzwilliam anymore? Ugh. But Darcy is nice, huh?

And you know if you were around more I could tell about it more and things, but with letters it's different, and things like that don't get into them because other stuff keeps happening.

Daddy made me get "Emma" too, but he said I could learn something from it, so now I'm sort of afraid to read it, and I haven't got to the end of the other yet anyway. And I've also started one of those Lois Lowery books, but so far I think they are just sequels, but not real bad because she is real good.

So anyway, all the rest of the day I've got nothing to do because I already went to the doctor's. And Kaezee has been like it is super important to tell her about me liking to be a girl sometimes real, real soon. So I told her today.

Bye. Work hard, but not TOO hard

Loves and Hugs
Skye

>>Wednesday, May 7 (late night)

Hi!!!
I'm going fishing at last!!!! Daddy doesn't have to go to the dialysis place at all, at all, all this whole weekend, and doesn't have to go to his office either, and he's even going to get someone to cover for him on part of Friday, and we're going to get to leave right after my doctor's and not be back until Sunday!!

I just had to tell you that, but it's uber late, because Kaezee showed up at the door, and I didn't even know because I let the battery run out on my cell. She came with Ann and Becky, but she wound up eating with us still. Mostly we just hung out in my room all night, and she kept calling me Tomboy because I was so excited about fishing. So I'm going to get to bed and tell you about the stuff you asked about tomorrow, OK?

But listen, when she saw my room she said it was never to late to have a girlhood or at least the mementos, and so, since all I have is Prince, that's the frog Daddy gave me, and about five of you stuffed animals and my Mickey D's Belle, we raided your room and she talked me into putting some of your real old Barbies and other dolls around, and I'm just sort of using them for decorations, and is that OK? I can put them back if you want. I didn't take Kristin because she is way yours too much, and I wouldn't.

She is just kind of hard to argue with, and it's not because she is like going to wrestle you if you don't, but just that she goes so fast that it all makes sense and is way too good an idea to argue about, you know?

And she also showed me these sites where you can dress up Barbie and other things on line, because I don't go on to CoH any more because I'm Zack's global friend, and he would know if I were there. And we did that until Ann came to get her.

And it's not me that has too much of a jaw, that's Kaezee, but I don't really have any cheek bones, and hers are kind of high for if she were a boy. Ann and Becky told me last week that I looked real good, and they also said that I don't have a brow ridge at all, but Kaezee isn't sure about that, but they do arch a little, and they still pulled out about twenty of my eye brows and Kaezee did some more on Saturday, and she works on hers a lot. But my eyes are close together with light eye brows and my best part. And they say I have a sweet nose too which helps the cheek bone thing. But they all say I don't have any lips and need to get bee stings, which is this stuff that comes from bees to make lips bigger they were talking about. And Kaezee has great lips.

So that's one thing you asked about that I don't have to say anything about in the next letter, because that's what I meant about jaws and lips that time, and Kaezee wants to get her brow bone shaved and her jaw and a thing put in her chin that's kind of flat, and a nose job, and plastic surgeons can do all that, but the chin isn't really about looking more like a girl, and the nose only sort of is. And my voice is still high, and if I start soon I might not lose that, and that's why she wanted me to talk about it to Dr. Ross right away.

But Dr. Ross didn't really say anything -- do shrinks ever say anything?? -- but just asked me to tell about it and stuff, and all like that.

OK, and so, there is the other neat thing. I went on a bike ride after I wrote you today to get out of the way and all, and I went the other way on that railroad path thing, and not very far there are these two really neat looking house just sitting there. And they look like they are real old ones, with a round tower with a cone on top of one, and real long porches, but they aren't, more like brand new, and they have big chain fences all around. And there is only two, but the streets are even new looking and real long. Daddy says they might be models someone built that wanted to make a new neighborhood, but then over a year ago the money dried up and no one buys houses now, which I was smart enough not to ask about that. But there were men working putting grass down on one of them, and it is pale blue with dark red shutters and stuff, and the other is yellowish-white with teal, and it's the one with the round thing. But they were neat and looked all lonely out by themselves empty.

Well, nite.

So, again I got long, didn't I? But one thing led to another, and it's good because I don't have to answer that stuff tomorrow, and Daddy says I can't leave until I have all my 'puter classes through Friday done, and I'm like way behind, and he says I should not go to the rec classes even. And the lodge place we're going to doesn't have internet or even cell phones either, so this might be it for a while. OK?

Loves and hugs,
Skye

P.S.: Don't break your brain because I'm not around to distract ya'

>>Thursday, May 8 (morning)

Hi, Marsh
There was the other thing that you asked about that I forgot last night.

When I told Dr. Ross about the stuff, she really didn't seem surprised at all. You know shrinks practice that, I think. But she just wanted to know how I felt when I did it and all that like I said, and you know Daddy really knows and stuff, so I know he talks to her sometimes.

See, Marsh, it is really like no one around really cares I do this. I mean Ann and Becky are always talking about the people at Anime cons and places, and you never looked at it but there are some manga where the peeps have to dress like girls a lot, or turn into girls, and people dress up like them for the meetings. They think it is cool.

And Daddy doesn't mind, and you.

And she said that some people want to change because they don't like who they are, but changing the way they present (which means how they dress and like that) or even their body, won't help that. And that other peeps want to change because they want to be who they really are inside, and we -- I -- must to find which is me. And she's kinda right, you know? I didn't like being me much, and I really, really wanted to be something different and maybe that's why I liked it when the Youngers asked me to go to that breakfast that time, is all. And it's like hard to figure out, and I don't know. OK?

But, Mars, I do know I feel good those times, and just like it, you know?

And I don't even know if I should talk about this because it was with her and all, and we talked about our mother, and that would be against our rules to say about, right?

But for the fishing trip I got to be old Jude again with Daddy, right? And that will be even at night and everything. And I think I might be happy about that because it has been a while, so it's good.

But, Marsha, did Daddy ever talk to you about these things even before?? Did he like think I might start doing this stuff? I mean before?

nvm

Bye, I got to do the classes work more.

Love ya'
Skye

>>Thursday, May 8th (night)

Hey, Mike
I don't want to argue again, really, really, please. But she did hate me a lot.

I don't remember about when I was just a baby, but I remember lots.

Your right, when I broke my arm that time she did take real good care of me, like you said, I know that, I remember that, and helped me a lot, and other times when I was sick too. She was always real, real nice then. She said I was the perfect sick kid, and I even thought I was a pain then. I used to hope to get sick just for that, but you know it had to be major and not something faked.

But that wasn't most times, Michael. She just always hated me and even in court said so. But, Mike, I've talked about this with people and stuff, it's not something I thought up, but they said it's not right for me to tell you to hate her, OK? You can love her because she was different with you always, OK?

And it wasn't like she was ever terrible, I know. She never used to really hurt me until after she moved, just slapped. But she called me stuff and was, like, always telling me to do things different, and I couldn't even act friendly or anything. I knew lots of kids that really had mean parents, worse maybe, and I know about kids getting beaten and tied up and all that and she wasn't that, until the last fall, but I also know that I was always afraid of her, even when she was nice, because I didn't know, ever, what it was that made her so mad.

The only time she ever got mad at you was going ballistic for you not going to that lacrosse scholarship thing, not even when you took the car after midnight, or back when you threw toilet paper in that girl's trees and put salt in her grass for a heart. She just laughed and stuff, remember?

But I couldn't laugh right or play right or anything, and you're stuff was on the refrigerator until the paper fell apart, and you were embarrassed about it because you were so old, but all my pictures when I was little, and I tried to make them pretty for her, disappeared in a day. I tried real hard. I remember that, Michael. I do. And I was afraid of her and tried to be what she wanted. But that did hurt, and I didn't even know it hurt or what hurt, I think.

And, see her son would do it right, and hers had to act different, and I had to be like hers would be, and I wasn't. And I knew it was her that hurt, suddenly, when it stopped hurting at the court.

And she said to the judge that I felt too much when I said I'd feel bad if she wasn't my mother anymore and was crying, and she was glad I wasn't hers now, and she wasn't on the stand and he fined her five hundred dollars, and then when I went out and she was between the police people she said I was just a thing, and that that was all I ever was, Michael.

But it's OK. I got where it didn't even hurt by then, like a thing, and I wish I could love her, and I do, but I can't. But you can. Please, because I want her to. So, OK?

So, OK. I don't know. OK? I don't want to talk about it more. OK? Please.

Daddy and I are going fishing tomorrow. I'll get you a trout (or a t-shirt). OK?

Loves, Bro,
Skye

>>Thursday, May 8th (almost midnight)

Well, Marsh,
I did it all again. I sent Michael a letter that will probably make him real mad all again.

I shouldn't have, but he was asking questions, and I shouldn't have said the things.

But tell him I didn't mean it -- I didn't want him to hate me, OK?

>>Sunday, May 11th (night)

Hi, Mike
Geezz!!! Categorical imperatives, Phenomenology, Epistemology??? All in one letter? You're trying to make my brain pop, right??

Is this like your way to say you're not mad, and we can talk about something else?? OK. But a different something else, PLEASE!!! And if a murder is looking for me -- LIE!! The situation does too matter, and that doesn't mean everybody else can always lie either. That's just over-dumb, no matter how smart that Kant guy was.

But OK so, I'll talk about something else.

The fishing place we went was way uber-cool, all forest with a lake and streams and mountains to walk around. We got tons of fish, and cooked some in the cabin, but released most of course. Both trout and bass. (I forgot your t-shirt. They didn't have a gift shop there, I think. Ooops.)

But I do know one thing that's a phenomena, Mike: the sky. You see it because that's just what you see, but that's different from not being real, and it does change how you feel and things, and effects lots of things. That, and islands being so apart like you said, is why I'm changing how I spell my name back again.

Luck on the exam!! Sounds like you got it aced to me, Bro.

Loves and Hugs,
Sky

>>Sunday, May 11th (night)

Hi ya', Marsh
We're back! It was a really neat, neat place, Marsh! Way up in the mountains and then you take a turn and there it is, and it had one real big building, and that had a restaurant and places, and then there were all the cabins that you couldn't see as you drove in, and it was all surrounded with woods. And it was pretty snazzy really, not just a fishing place but that's all they really had.

I mean, even though it was a fishing place, that like the restaurant had table cloths and stuff, and you had to dress up and not wear stinky fishing clothes when you went there and, I think, some people came just to be in the woods and mountains too. And when we went in there right after we got there the waiter pulled back the chair for me because it was such a nice place, and that kinda fuddled me because it's never been done before, you know?

But when we got back here there was a letter from Michael, and he's not mad it looks like and talked all about his philosophy stuff, which was even lots worse than when you started talking about buying money and markets and economics stuff just because I said I saw a pretty house. Do I really have to understand all this to go to college? Because I mean: "No Way." But maybe I can just go to worse colleges than you two or something, I guess.

So anyway the most important thing: this morning Daddy gave me a necklace, Marsha. It's a cloud that's gold and about bigger than a quarter by a little, and it's got silver on the edges, because even gold clouds have to, right? And a diamond over by one edge, and a gold chain, and the back says, "Clouds Can't Ruin a Beautiful Sky. Love, Daddy", just real light and small, so you have to look right at it to read or even see.

And he told me that he looked and thought real hard for something that would symbolize a sky better, but I think it's just right, you know?

But I told him about putting on the E, and it being an island, and he didn't frown because it didn't fit his present anymore but did say about that poem about no one being one (which was what Mike had said too), and he asked about if I felt like that, and I said that island did have a road, and he made me count my roads, and I'd never thought about it like that; but you and him and Kaezee now, and Mike is sort of a draw bridge we decided, but Lisa, Ms Y, Wendy, Ann and Becky, and it turned into lots and lots now. And Daddy said if I wanted to be called McKinley or Everest that was OK but please not Kilimanjaro or Kosciuszko, because they were too long. (OK, well I still think he's funny sometimes.) But he meant that knowing that we are separate (like mountains) doesn't mean we are all alone (like islands), see?

And he says that the sky isn't an illusion at all; that not being able to touch it doesn't mean it isn't real, like with love and freedom too. It is a phenomena, which might be like something Mike said about in his letter later, but I don't know. But that the sky is what we experience, and that it makes us feel better because it is there, and it makes us feel warmer on cold days and happier when it is too hot and, even when it does have clouds it is nice to have it all around us and hold us, and it is like it hugs the world. And so I'm not going to use that E anymore. 'K?

Also, Daddy's going to call me Sky from now on, except when he forgets, and except still Judey when he wants to bug me, and Jude Skylar Eliot when he's annoyed big time, he said.

But I got Daddy this pair of big oven mitts that have maybe a Laura Ashley print, because I thought that would be like a joke for today because he cooks sometimes so much now and things, and hadn't thought I'd get something too. And my present was nothing to what I got, but weird: I think he really liked it a lot, almost as much as I love my necklace.

I haven't even got to about the fish we caught or to the boy who tried to kiss me and other stuff this weekend, I know. But I got up at five to fish this morning and had to be home for my science tutor, and had to write Michael and have to get up at the regular time, and Daddy even let me leave all my stunk up clothes by the washer in his bathroom so I could get to sleep early, and I should. So I'll tell you the rest while I'm hiding from Andrea tomorrow, OK?

Loves and Hugs
Sky

Letters from Sky - Part 11

Author:

Jan S

Audience Rating:

General Audience (pg)

Publication:

Genre:

Character Age:

Preteen or Intermediate

TG Themes:

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

"And it seems like everybody likes me lots better when I'm a girl, huh? Even Daddy. And do you too, Marsha?"

Letters from Sky

By Jan S

Part 11

>>Monday, May 12 (midday)

Hi, Marsh,
Andrea is acting real weird to day!! Like friendly and talking to me. I had a hard time getting away to write you. Really. Maybe, she got into the booze or something, huh? But she didn't smell bad or anything, I mean no more than usual, which is probably cleaning stuff mostly.

But anyway, you remember when you told me about my talking about being a girl when I was like in kindergarten or first grade? Someone told me this morning I should ask more about that, OK? Like how much I meant it and how long? Do you remember? I've got to talk to Daddy about it too, and also about something I said to him when I was in the hospital after I did that stomach thing. Because I don't remember any of it either time.

So anyway, I'm supposed to ask, OK?

Bye, I'm going to take a nap because of not sleeping much when fishing.

Loves and Hugs,
Sky

>>Monday, May 12 (night)

Hi,
WOW, Marsh. OK, so I was a real stupid, silly little kid. Don't rub it in, already. But I don't remember that and, I guess, Dr Ross thinks I should. I remember wanting to not be like that though. That was really a lot. I bet I messed up your studying, and I don't think you needed to. Thanks, and Daddy told me about some things too tonight.

OK, so you want to know all about Rodger, huh? OK, I guess I owe you since you wrote so much for me. He was sweet, and I think he is probably real shy at home and stuff, but you know vacation friends are kind of different.

Anyway, Friday night we ate in the restaurant right after we got there, and this boy, whose name turned out to be Rodger BTW, kept looking over from the next table and smiling and after he came over in the lobby and introduced himself, all real formal and nice, and asked if he could show me this neat place on one of the paths. And Daddy said, "No way," and he said that, even though most boys would be just fine, that that wasn't a good idea and way to big a chance for pretty people to take. :-) (He did, right to me.) And I'd not thought of that kind of thing, you know, it was just meeting a new kid, but he told me to start thinking about it.

And I don't think it would have been dangerous with Rodger really, but Daddy was right though. Because he let us go out and sit on the pier and pretend to fish, because we made way to much noise to get any, and that first time Rodger did put his arm on my shoulders, and I let him!

Then Saturday night we walked along the lake, and he talked all about his baseball team and a lot about the Suns and Shaq mostly (well, you know.), and he held my hand and then when he said good night at our cabin he tried to kiss me, but I didn't let him yet. OK?

That's all, and he was pretty cute with dark brown, but real short, hair and tall and in eighth grade and hates algebra, but smart enough to be in it. And OK, I did peck by his ear just before I went in, but that's all.

Anyway his Mom likes fishing most of all of them, which is why they had come there on Mother's Day and, when we were on our way back on Saturday afternoon, Daddy and I saw them, and they were all fly fishing for real in the river, and he was real good at it, but I never saw him catch anything that way, but his mom did twice.

Daddy and I caught trout too, but only real little ones, because we walked way up the stream and, by sneaking up on little pools staying in the shade, you can catch them there with just a line and without a pole, and I got three tiny guys, and Daddy four, but we let all but three go, and we ate those for dinner just sauteed in butter with potatoes (and chives, because every meal has to have something green, Daddy said). Oh, and we fished for bass on the lake and Daddy caught a giant one, and we let it go to become a record, but we brought the next two biggest (Both Mine, btw) home frozen and let the others all go.

So, I guess you figured out I didn't get to wear all boy clothes and things for the trip, huh? Actually, I was wearing my gypsy dress, with the zigzag hem you know, on Friday with the yellow top that ties at the bottom, and I did it with some of my tummy showing, and that was when I meet Rodger. But mostly I just wore those short sweat pants or shorts and Ts because it was a fishing place, but this morning I got to wear the long white skirt and the blue blouse which was lucky I'd brought because I almost didn't, and it was nice with my new necklace, but I didn't see Rodger at breakfast. I have his email, but I should wait for him first, right?

But the reason I did that, even though I had wanted to wear all boy stuff again for a while, was because I just felt real down after getting and writing that letter to Michael, and talking about it with Dr Ross too. And when I asked Daddy if it was OK, he smiled and said he had been wondering when he would get to see where all his money had gone. And I'm glad I didn't a lot, because it just wouldn't have been as nice or the same.

And oh, btw, I figured out why Andrea was so nice today too, Marsha, and she even made me learn how to stuff a chicken breast tonight too. After she had left I went into Daddy's bathroom to do all my clothes from the fishing trip, and she had already washed and folded them, including my panties, Marsh. And she vacuumed my room, of course, while I was gone this morning too, but now I have all the dolls that Kaezee put around. So now she knows I'm a girl, and so now she's nicer, of course, and so now it's OK for me to be around when she is here. (hehe)

And it seems like everybody likes me lots better when I'm a girl, huh? Even Daddy. And do you too, Marsh?

Whatever, I'm still tired, I guess. That's the bad part of fishing. Nite.

Loves and Hugs,
Sky

P.S.: But, Marsha, there's something else I gotta ask about. If I'd been wearing baggies and a black shirt or something, I might have gotten to know Roger, and he could have shown me the neat place on the trail then, but I couldn't have laughed at the funny things he said then. I would have moaned or something. And when we skipped rocks, we would both have had to try real hard to go further, or skip the most.

And when we were there, and walking down the mountain after fishing and all, I held Daddy's hand; and even when just talking to people at the lodge, I could stand or lean against him. And he could put his arm around me, and I don't think he used to mind doing that so much, but our mother would have glared at us or bit her lip and stuff even when I was like nine or ten or even less. Maybe it's because he didn't mind then, that she could make up in her mind some of the things she said she thought he did. But she didn't like me to do that with her either ever, not in front of people, unless it was because I might do something wrong.

But I could do all that this weekend, and it's all because I had tops with flowers on them or shell sleeves or spaghetti straps, and not dark grungy things. C?

>>Tuesday, May 13th (morning)

Hi, Mar,
I forgot to tell you something important again last night. Daddy has to go to Boston, and then to that hospital in Minnesota again for a long time.

But, I guess I'm lucky I met Lisa and Ms Y. so quick, because I'm staying with them instead of having Andrea sleep here, because Daddy doesn't want me alone so long. That means I won't get to write you so much -- so you'll have to study harder, huh? -- because I'll be using Lisa's computer in her room, but I'll get to write some still.

He's going tomorrow, and he didn't tell me about 'til on the drive back to not mess up the vacation.

So, of course, that means I will have to be a girl the whole time there because of their maids and everything, and I don't know when I'll get to be good plain old Jude again. But it might be all right.

Besides I'm Jude right now and in school type clothes because some lady is coming to talk to me, and Daddy didn't tell me until today, but he wouldn't say what it was all about but didn't seem like it was something all serious and to worry about. But I have to look nice, and she's coming with Ms Y.

So I'll write you as much as I can when I'm over at their house, OK.

Cya

Loves and Hugs,
Sky

>>Tuesday, May 13th (noon)

I'm in Marsh!!!
But I don't even know where!

They came, and the lady told me to sit in the living room, and Ms Y. went into the kitchen, and she asked if I knew what it was about, and I didn't, like I told you, and she said that she liked to do it that way so people didn't rehearse for her and hadn't even told Daddy until yesterday it would be today.

"But don't be nervous," she said; like ever saying that doesn't do the opposite!!

And then she asked me about subjects and my old school and teachers and stuff. And by then I knew it was a school interview, because I'm not totally stupid, you know. And she said she knew I had a real hard, hard year, and I just gulped, and she didn't ask anymore about it.

At the end she asked what I did when I was anxious about something and what times I got that way. And I said, I think I start talking fast and can go on and on and won't like stop, even if it's in the class and, also, I do it when I'm excited, even if it's something we're learning about but, if someone says I'm doing it, I stop real fast. And she said I was doing it right then, and I bit my lips, and she smiled, and I talked slower and told her how sometimes I'm just the opposite and get real shy.

And I thought I'd blown it, Marsh. But she said, "Sky, it won't be official until July, but there is no way I'm turning down a seventh grader who can do the work, wants to grow up to be a professional reader (I don't even remember talking about that!), and demands to be allowed to take Algebra in eighth grade." And then she shook my hand.

I'm not supposed to tell because she's going to call Daddy first, so don't say anything real soon about it.

Anyway, Ms Y. is taking her back somewhere and then taking me out to lunch, so she will tell me where it is, and I'll tell you later, and I got to change clothes real fast.

Bye,
Sky

>>Tuesday, May 13th (night)

Well, Marsh,
I got in, yeah, but I flunked. Ms Y told me that it was the Hall, Westcott Hall, that I got into, but not about the other thing.

I've got to be a seventh grader all over again if I go there, Marsh. You don't mind do you? Daddy is like it's no big deal; it isn't a bad thing about me, but just about all the school I missed this year, and that because I had a lot on my mind the whole time, and that it is a real good school, and I knew that already.

I don't think I really mind and all, it's just what do I tell people forever? Daddy says I don't have to tattoo it to my forehead, and it's a private thing, only to tell the important people and they wouldn't hold it against me. And I guess that's mostly right, but I remember how some people treated some people because of it. But maybe WH won't be that way, huh?

But Daddy is real happy, and I'm happy to, I guess, it is where all the nicest people I know go to and all, right?

OK, but also the other bad thing for the day. Another Zack the Zero thing. He wasn't at the origami class to laugh at me for no reason, but then, when I was riding home, he and his "posse", were out in front of the Seven-Eleven when I was going through the parking lot, and he started yelling like, "Yooo Hooo, Jesse-EE" and stuff. And I ignored him and kept riding faster, and he ran out ahead of me and threw his drink at me and got it all over my top.

The little dweeb -- the super-dweeb I mean!! Do you think I should send him an email and threaten to send those pictures to the cops or his parents or something, Marsh? I'm really thinking about it, but I don't have the pictures, and it might not work.

So, like I told you, Daddy leaves for the hospital in the morning, and I won't see him after he drops me at my appointment. And I'm all packed and everything. He took me to get sushi tonight, both for going away and to celebrate getting in. We went to that same place because I haven't got any of Ann's yet, and I wore a tiered skirt and baby doll top because I'm already Judey-tan there, you know.

And you know what I've changed six times today, into boy's school stuff this morning, into a sun dress for lunch, into basketball shorts and a dark T for the rec. center, into tight shorts and a top when I got home because of Zack Zilch, into the skirt for sushi, and into jeans when my tutor guy was here. And now I got to change for bed (a long nightie, I think - hehe - :) ). It's kinda fun -- but I wish one wasn't 'cus of Slurpee all over me.

You know the lady this morning did say I was smart, kinda, didn't she? And she had seen my records and test and stuff. And Ms Y said the only strings she pulled was because of being so late, which wasn't that big of a string, and that she didn't have a big enough one to get someone that didn't belong there in. So I can't be uber-dumb, right?

Loves and Hugs,
Sky

>>Wednesday, May 14 (afternoon)

Hi, Marsha
Daddy's gone. I don't know how long he will be in Boston, and how long he's at the hospital. But I have to file reports with him every single night before bed, and today's won't be any good because I did nothing on any of my computer classes stuff and only have an hour before Lisa and Wendy get back from their dance class.

But I'm all settled in. I had to take the bus back to the apartment, and then Connie came and got me, and Andrea helped me to pack though I'd done it last night, I thought. She's still being nice to me now, see. And Connie is too; that's their housekeeper, remember? And that isn't the same as a maid for them, it's more like in "Pride and Prejudice" times, they keep it real different because she tells the maids what to do.

Anyway, I'm in a guest room, which is way down a hall from the girls' rooms, and you have to go through the den place, which is just for them and called the playroom, I learned, to get to them.

I've got my own bathroom for just this room that's as big as ours back at home was. And there is another guestroom too with it's own one too next door. But the girls have to share the bathtub part but have their own sinks and thing.

So they have their own real bathroom, without it being a euphemism, right? But they call that the tub room, and the other rooms, without a tub, that they don't bathe in, those are the bathrooms. We sure do weird things to words, don't we?

But anyway, one of the maids did all my unpacking and putting my stuff in drawers for me, and acted like I was in the way. She even decided which animals went on the bed and which went other places, and stacked the books for me.

I, also, went into the living room and doodled around on the giant piano for a while -- well, partly because Ms Y. is right, it is hard to watch all these people working all around you, and that's a good place because no one goes in there much. Why else would it be called the living room, right? And I just thought of something else; the little part off the kitchen where we've always had dinner when I was here, they call that the breakfast nook, hehe, but at least they do eat breakfast there too, not in the dining room.

OK, I'm going to go watch for Lisa. It's easy to get lonely in giant houses, did you know that?

Bye
Loves and hugs,
Sky

>>Wednesday, May 14th (night)

Hi, Daddy
Sky Eliot reporting as ordered, sir!

I didn't really get anything done on any of the courses today, because getting over here, and unpacking, and Connie showing me things took so long, Daddy. I'm Sorry. I'll do extra tomorrow, OK?

But, Daddy, I've been thinking. (NO -- don't say, "Uh-oh"!!!) Since I'm redoing the year now, do I still have to do all that stuff and have tutors? I mean, I did pretty good last year, right? In sixth. And now I'm just going to do the seventh grade stuff again, right? So couldn't I stop?

Also, I didn't even think about it at first, but you know that Lisa is going to be in my grade now. And that means I'm still a sixth grader, and all, already, at least too her. And, OK, she was happy, not mean, about it, but it is different, Daddy.

So, I'll do more tomorrow. I really will. I have to get out of this room because it is almost Lisa's bedtime. Is everything OK in Boston? When do you have to go to the hospital? I hope it goes OK.

Oh yeah, also, I was playing on their piano for some today, and remember when I asked about starting lessons? So I guess I haven't pestered enough, but when do you think I could? I'd really like to, I think. I'll take it seriously and all too.

Is the being in seventh all set, or could that still change if I do more on the computer classes?

I love you, Good Night, bye,
Sky

>>Thursday, May 15th (morning)

Hi, Marsh
OK, boy, I'm really busy today, Marsh. I have to do a ton of my computer class stuff and things. And I've to go to the Rec Center for those classes too.

I'm hoping they might change their mind about all the flunking stuff if I can do enough of the classes. Do you know I'm going to be in Lisa's class next year if they do that? Or at least the same grade.

Anyway I did want to tell them all last night, and confessed about failing, and Lisa was really real happy that I'll be in with her and, you know, it's not like I didn't really think of her as a friend already, but this makes it different, to me at least. She didn't even act like it would be though.

Even when Ms Y said they will still need me as a babysitter sometimes, because of a law in this suburb that says there has to be thirteen-year-old, at least, in the house with a kid under twelve, Lisa seemed like it would be neat. She did suggest tying Wendy in the back yard though, but that was just a joke. And that would even be so next year, Ms Y. said, after Lisa's birthday next month, because that will just make her twelve.

But I don't know if it's going to get changed. I sure don't want to go to Ferral Hill (That's the boys only school that's with S.I.C.), or back to a dummy class, I guess. And Kaezee says that people that have brains will understand anyway.

OK, that's all really. I guess when you read this, you will be all done with your test, huh? Are you leaving for back to our mother's tomorrow? OK, I'll still write to you, but be sure not to save your password or something. Really, Marsh.

I have to get lots of work done. Bye.

Loves and hugs,
Sky

>>Thursday, May 15th (afternoon)

In case you didn't get it, DORKUS, and it looks like you don't get things very well:

IF YOU EVER TALK TO ME AGAIN THOSE PICTURES GO TO YOUR PARENTS!!!!

Or if your little "posse" of friends do. Or if you throw things, or fingers, at me. Or ANYTHING else.

Got it? Is that clear? YOU OWN ME?? Because your friend saw my cousin or something? Forget it, Zack.

Or maybe I'll just send those pictures right to the police, huh?? And then to your new friends at Juvie Hall. They might not see "queer" the way you do!!

You following this?? What do you think will happen at Juvie to someone who sent that to someone they think is a boy, huh?

You DON'T own me. I OWN you, Zackary Zilch, and I throw you away. Now decay quietly. Because, if I hear you again, it happens!!

>>Thursday, May 15th (night)

Hi, Daddy
I got two units of everything done today, and two and a half of the English class. I really, really did. I promise.

And no, I didn't mean that Lisa was different, or that I think I have to be the boss to be her friend, or any of that. It's just that it is going to be different. I don't know. Yes, I can see that there are lots of good things about doing the grade over too. But I feel weird. Maybe I can talk about it better when you get back.

But I did do a lot on them today, so my brain won't atrophy, OK?

Nothing else really happened, I went to cooking and fly fishing, and we just made icing, but not cakes. They did that last week when I wasn't there.

So, what else? Lisa had a choir thing today after school, and then Amanda, a friend of hers that I already knew, came home with her, and Wendy had some little boys from her soccer practice too, and they all went swimming, but I stayed out. Promise. But I did get wet from a squirt gun, and they all left before dinner.

You know, I think Lisa and Wendy have something to do every single afternoon. Tomorrow it's tennis lessons for both, and I'm going to watch.

OK. That's all the news I can think of. It's Lisa's bed time again, so I g2g. You do know that means "got to go," don't you?

I miss you lots, Daddy. Bye.

Loves, Daddy, Lots
Sky

Letters from Sky - Part 12

Author:

Jan S

Audience Rating:

General Audience (pg)

Publication:

Genre:

Character Age:

Teenage or High School

TG Themes:

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

"... Why do they all want to make me a girl? ... Why do you? Why do they hate me? What was so bad about Jude?

Letters from Sky

By Jan S

Part 12

>>Friday, May 16th (morning)

Hi, Marsh
Sorry I didn't get to write you last night, it was because I have to write Daddy, and don't have much time before Lisa has to go to bed. And OK, I also get busy messing around with them like I can't alone too.

But Zack did it yesterday! But I think I got him to back off now. Before cooking even, he was out in front and came over to the bike rack and said that someone had seen me as a girl and even thought now that I was a girl, and I knew he meant that kid from fishing that was at the park last week, and he said that now he owned me and the next time he asked me over I'd better come and do what he said to do or he'd tell everyone, and I shoved him and said, "And what happens when your mother sees those pictures you sent me, stupid? Now just leave me alone!!"

And I thought he had understood, because he just stood there when I walked away. And I wasn't even worried about it much, Marsh, because he shut up so much.

Then he didn't show up for fishing, which I think he skips a lot these days anyway, but when I was coming back to Lisa's house he yelled out of his car, "Hey, Fairy Boy, take this!" And he stuck up his middle finger, you know, at me, and then shot it way up real hard as he went by, and then the car, that had his big brother driving, slammed on the brakes real hard, and I turned my bike around and went across some peoples' yards to get to the next block to get away. And I sent him an email saying again what I'd do with the pictures and saying I might tell the police and get him in jail, and that I'd give it to the people in Juvenile Hall too, and what he did was also gay to lots of people.

But he hasn't written back or anything, so maybe he is scared and going to leave me alone now? He doesn't know that I can get his letters because I told him he was blocked, but I think if he could think of something he'd send it, right? And he hasn't.

So last night I felt pretty good about it, and didn't even worry much, but now telling it has made me worry again and all. But I think he will shut up, right? And it does show that his whole family is like that, doesn't it? That his brother did that with the car and was going to chase me too? I wish I had kept the pictures for real.

OK, but anyway, that boy in the fishing class has decided that I am really a girl, like Zilch said. I don't know if he knew what I'd said to butthead, but he came over right at the beginning of the class and said he was sorry, and it was Zack, and he had just meant it as kidding, and he'd known I was a girl right at first, but I wore real boyish clothes but that that was just because it was a fishing class, he thought, and because Zack was confused and weird about it.

So I didn't tell him I wasn't. I thought of saying he must of seen my cousin or something, but I didn't. Because he was being real nice now, I guess. So, you know, not saying is like I said, "yes", huh? But maybe not quite.

And the thing is a lot of people at the rec center think I'm a girl too, I found out. Last Tuesday a teacher stopped me when I was going into the boy's room, and said it was the wrong door, and then Lisa pulled me into the girl's room, which wasn't very crowded, luckily. And the kid's I sit with at pottery think I am, I guess, because that Rock Dancing class is a girl's only class, and Lisa told me how girls were sometimes taking off tops, and sometimes shorts even, to change when I was in there before origami, which I'd seen, but it's noisy and they hurry, and I'd not thought of how they wouldn't do that in front of a boy even real fast.

And so now there are tons and tons of people who know me as a girl. And I don't know how I'm going to keep keeping it a secret anymore, Marsh. And a lot of them know me as Jesse, or Jessie I guess, and a lot know me as Sky, or as both too. And lots go to the Hall. What'll happen when I show up as a boy, Marsh??

Also Amanda knows about the whole thing because Lisa did tell her, and she's even seen me naked now. And Lisa telling did make me mad, and I almost told Amanda Lisa's secret for revenge, -- but wound up only saying that I babysit her, not the big one, I scared Lisa that I was going to tough, but I couldn't really. But Amada is really like the most cool about it of all; she was just like: "So what".

So that's all the drama out here, I guess, Marsh. You're all done, huh, and on the way back there. I guess you won't know how you did on the tests and things for a real long time either.

Connie's calling me for lunch, and I haven't got hardly anything on my computer classes done, and I have to get a unit of each finished.

What's going to happen when all this stuff blows up, Marsh? I was just real stupid to do this, wasn't I? I shouldn't have let them talk me into it.

Loves and Hugs,
Sky

>>Friday, May 16th (afternoon)

Hi, Roger
Did you get home all right? I did. How many fish did you catch, and did you get some fly fishing?

Are Hailey and Adam still teasing you about us holding hands? I hope not, but they are real cute when they aren't being pest and all. Really.

I'm staying at a friend's because my Daddy is out of town, but the email is still the same.

Just thought I'd say, "Hi," and see if things were good.

Bye,
Sky

>>Friday, May 16th (ten minutes later)

Heys, Roger
How are things? Did the fishing go well after I left?

I'm back home fine, and now I'm staying at a friend's while my father is gone. But I can still get email and stuff.

Are Hailey and Adam OK too? Your sibs are real cute when they aren't bugging people.

Just saying hi.

Cya,
Sky

>>Friday, May 16th (five minutes later)

Hi,
You doing OK and get back OK?

Just thought I'd write and say hello.

Did you ever get anything fly fishing?

Well, write back if you want to.

Bye, Roge
Sky

>>Friday, May 16th (five minutes later)

aarrg, Marsha
I wrote to Roger and it bounced back. Maybe I just mixed up his address or something, but I mean that means that no one in the world has that address, right? It is real weird, and I thought it was some l33t thing I couldn't figure out, but he gave me a fake I think!!!!

I tried three ways, but none worked, so he just made up something I bet.

aaaaarrrrrrrggggghhhh!!!! Are all boys such complete JERKS, Marsha???

OK, /rant
bye
Sky

>>Friday, May 16th (night)

Hi, Daddy
OK, I got one unit of every class done today, but that was all. Is that OK? Lisa and the others keep having plans for me and things to do, but I worked as long as I could really, Daddy.

Today they wanted me to go to their tennis lessons with them, and I did. It was at the country club, and Ms Younger and I played a little, while they had their lesson. We ate at the club because Connie gets off at three-thirty on Fridays and doesn't come back until Monday. I'm going to see if I can stay and work on the classes instead of go to their soccer games, but I'm going to go to horse back riding with them tomorrow afternoon. Ms Younger had to take me to get a pair of boots, and I told her to take it out of future babysitting money, OK? I got some cowboy boots, nothing real fancy, but I have to have something with big heals where they go.

And yes I did go to see Dr. Ross this morning, I didn't forget at all. Ms Younger drove me after taking the others to school. I told her I could take the bus, but she was going to the hospital this morning anyway, and I took the bus back. Also, I haven't forgotten about the other doctor too on Monday. Do you think he might say I can swim now?

OK, Daddy, Lisa and Wendy are watching "Ratatouille", and we're going to spend the night in the den, or playroom, like we do when I'm babysitting even though Ms Younger is here.

So I guess you are at the hospital by now. Is everything going alright?

Lots and Lots of Love, and I miss you still,
Sky

>>Saturday, May 17th (morning)

Hi, Mike,
Long time no hear. I guess you've been busy messing around with your buds, Hegel and Kant and those peeps, huh? :)

Better than getting drunk and falling off buildings like lots of peeps in college. Marsh's going to a big party before heading back there too. Do you have one? I hope you guys don't do that stuff, OK?

You're going to be a counselor at your old nerd camp, huh? Sounds a whole lot better than Marsha's internship thing to me. Has she told you about it? Did we really decide she wasn't a Martian??

I'd never thought about that being why she was so mad about the scholarship thing. I thought it was just about money. But that it was something she could brag about makes sense too. And, yeah, it is supposed to be something all boys would want to do to some people too.

OK, but, Michael, do you remember when I was little? I know you called me sissy and stuff sometimes. But, listen, it's not like that, I'm not accusing, OK. It's just some things about way back then I don't remember, and some things I do, and I want to figure out some of it. Can you tell me what I was like?

Really, Michael, I know we fought and I got mad at you, but you know I really always thought you were a really nice big brother, and I was always afraid to ever say that. But it's really true; I'm not buttering you up or anything. I liked you really, and I still do.

I guess you will be at our mother's house until it's time to go to the camp. I wish I were going this year, but February, when it was time to apply, had lots going on. I'll write you there, but make sure she doesn't know, OK? I don't think that would work is all.

I Love you, butthead,
Sky

>>Saturday, May 17th (morning)

Hi, Mar
Oh, I guess packing would take a couple of days, and the parties are just a coincidence for all of you. Yeah, right.

So Lisa and them are all at soccer, and I didn't want to go. That's because I saw Zack there the last time, and I just don't want to do that again, but I said it was because I want to get some more of the computer classes done, and I should do that too, but Daddy is real set that I'm going to do seventh grade over no matter what, but I still want to see if I can change it.

So about how Amanda got to see me naked. No, she didn't sneak in and peek.

After I got back on Thursday, I wrote a note to that jerkass, and then I felt better. I did, really. And while I was writing, all of them had come back. There were Amanda and two little boys that I'd never seen but live next door and are both on Wendy's soccer team, or one is, but the other was here too.

So after I wrote the letter, I changed in to a my blue and yellow babydoll and some yellow shorts, just because around here that's more like what I'm expected to wear than the boy clothes I wore to the rec center, you know? And then I went out back where they were, and all five of them were skinny dipping, and Wendy and the boys were having a super soaker fight.

And you know I couldn't swim, but I sat on the side and talked to Amanda and Lisa while they bobbed around, and Wendy first tried to get me to go in, and then the boys did, but I told them I couldn't 'til June. But sitting there, being the only one outside with clothes on made me a big target for all three of them and they all sprayed my top with their squirt guns at the same time. That didn't matter that much though, I mean it was just in fun, and I took off the top, because that's not like a big deal to me because I'm a boy, right? But I didn't tell them of course. And I got a gun, and Lisa and Amanda helped me retaliate, but then my shorts were the big target, and even Lisa, "accidentally" hit them sometimes, and they were soon soaked enough that the flowers on my panties showed through.

But I wasn't about to take them off, of course. Then the au pair for the boys came through the back gate, and she just waved to Connie through the window, and they left, and then Amanda said, it would be all right if I took off the wet shorts because she knew all about everything.

Of course, I acted like I had no idea what she meant, but her mom works with people with gender dysphoria, she said. So maybe her mom works with Kaezee's shrink or something, because Kaezee had told me that word, and she has a shrink that specializes in just that. But Amanda said she had known about people like me, because she thinks that is what I am, since she was real, real little and even knew some, and that she had a good friend that her mom had helped, but whose whole family had moved last summer so she could transition, that means start living as a girl, when she started sixth grade, and Lisa was the only other person around here that had ever seen her as a her.

I told her that I didn't think I was that kind of person really, and she shrugged and said that's what her mom was all about, helping people learn, not telling them.

So after a while and all that, and seeing them and Wendy like that, I decided to take off those shorts, which were really clingy and sticky, and I had taped myself, because sitting on the grass in shorts it seemed like a good idea. And you know, I know I didn't really look like a girl, Marsha, but I almost did, because it is clear, water-proof tape, and I had used extra because I was in a hurry, and I had Lisa pretend she needed something by the window where Connie was looking out, and she said she couldn't tell from over there at all, and I just stayed on the backside of the pool, and it was like I really was a girl for awhile, unless I thought about it.

And then I paid Wendy back for shooting me again, big time, because I didn't need to worry about getting wet anymore. And when I went inside, I went with a towel wrapped around me, and I put on that old trapeze dress of yours with the three inch stripes of all different colors that are all sewn together. You remember it. It is way too small, but it comes a couple of inches below my butt and, except that I can't get the top button fastened, it would make a real cute top for like with pedal pushers or bike shorts. And that was all (I mean all. :-) ) I wore all that night, and all the tape. It would be nice to be able to have that look right too, you know it?

OK, I messed up and I'm not going to get any of the courses' work done now.

Have fun tonight! But, Mars, don't drink or anything like that, OK? Please.

Loves and Hugs, Lots and Lots,
Sky

>>Saturday, May 17th (evening)

Daddy,
I don't know what Dr. Philips wants to talk about really. I mean, I guess I do maybe, but not for sure. He's probably the father of that boy, Zack, that I went to his house once, remember? And I guess we've had some trouble but, Daddy, I didn't want to. He just got mad at me about some thing, and I tried to get him to leave me alone, and then, I guess, I threatened to do some things if he didn't. OK? But that is all, really. And I really wouldn't have done those things, really. But I wanted him to just let up is all. That's all. I guess I could explain it better in person, maybe.

But if you think we should all get together when you get back, that would be OK, I guess. I mean, I don't know what he's saying I did, but I didn't do anything at all really. Is Dr. Philips real mad at me? Or what?

OK, the other report, I tried to get some work done, even though it's Saturday, this morning, but Marsha and Michael had both written to me, and so I didn't because it is real hard to get a chance to use the computer because of sharing it. But I'd meant to.

And I did go horseback riding today, but not for very long, and I don't think I'm going to get sore really. Lisa and Wendy are real good, and both can jump pretty high stuff, but just in the ring, and I went on a trail with them but we couldn't jump out there or even trot at all. And tonight we're watching "Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade," to get ready for the new one, and they've already seen the other two this month too.

And my plans for tomorrow are to go to have breakfast at the place that has the quartet thing again, and then to go to play tennis and go swimming with all the Youngers at the country club -- I mean I'll just watch the swimming. I had to go get a swimsuit too today, Daddy, even though it is just to watch in, OK? But I got it at Tar-jay; it's not expensive, OK? And I'll use tons and tons of sun block; I won't forget; I promise.

So is everything going alright with you, and with the stuff at the hospital? I can't wait 'til your back!

You're not mad about the Zack stuff, are you? Because I don't think I deserve it.

Lotta, Lotta Love,
Sky

>>Sunday, May 18th (evening)

Hi, Marsh
These people are just always busy, I think.

And I had my period yesterday.

Made you look!! Huh? Well, see I went to the horseback riding place and after there lesson I was going to go on a trail with them, and first I had to show the instructor lady how well I could do, and it's been like two years since we stopped those lessons, right? But I did OK. Except for one problem. I had on these real tight jeans and was using just one of my dancer straps, and when I tried to post -- well, having things down there and going up and down isn't too good, Marsh. So I said I needed to go to the bathroom and didn't feel well.

Then Ms Y. came with me and I told her it hurt to do that as best as I could without saying it, and she said to let them go and gave me a maxi-pad to use, and of course I knew what it was, but she was right it made one big bulge and squeezed everything but it didn't look like what it was at least. And I don't think the boys knew what that bulge was but one of the older girls asked me if it was my first period and talked a lot about them, and thought I wasn't talking back just because I felt bad. So now I've had a period, huh? Hehe. Do you think I need to do that on the 18th every month now?

And today we went to Chez Amy's for breakfast again, and I was going to wear my high heels, but it made Lisa even more jealous than I thought it would (but she did try to hide it, but I could tell) so I changed to flats. I did wear hose for the very first time though!! Well, first time outside.

We were going to go swimming today to, but we played tennis first, and after about ten minutes it started to pour and I never even got to put on my new suit at all!!!

OK, I still need to write Daddy and Lisa has a bedtime tonight because of school tomorrow. Are you at our mother's yet?

Bye,

Loves and hugs,
Sky

>>Sunday, May 18th (evening)

Hi, Daddy
I'm glad you're not mad at me, but you sound like you're only waiting to know more and then think you will be. But if you know the truth, you want be, I don't think. OK? Really.

I'm glad your hospital things are going so well, I hope you'll be done by Tuesday. Yeah, I'm serious when I say I mess you, not just trying to make you feel good. What would I want to do something like that for anyway, Daddy?

The breakfast was real, real nice. I started to tell you what I wore, but I bet if I did you would just say something about money or being silly, right? So I'm not going to.

And I went the country club too, and about ten minutes after we got there there was a deluge. I mean it, the clouds opened, and it just kept coming and coming. We barely got on the court, and we couldn't swim either, and I never even got to wear my new suit. Ms Younger let us hang at the pavilion for a while though, and we played ping pong and things like that.

You know what, Daddy -- I don't know if I'm supposed to say this -- but I guess you know that Kaezee sees a psychiatrist, right? Well it is Dr. Ross she sees. And did you know that she specializes in gender problems, Daddy? Is that why she's mine too? I mean, I had her along time before any of the girl's clothes stuff started. Just wondering?

I don't know if you know it, but Marsha and Michael both left their colleges today. I hope they will be OK there.

You didn't expect me to work on the computer courses today, did you? Lisa and Ms Younger sort of had the day filled, so I couldn't, but I can next weekend, if that will help. When I met with Miss Storm tonight, she said I was doing very well on the Math things, and that she was going to skip a lot of the Science stuff she'd planed, because I knew it already.

Oh, I did get finished with "Pride and Prejudice" too; Darcy and Lizzie got married -- oopps spoiler. Sorry. :-) I didn't want it to end, you know? But I wanted them to hurry up and be happy too.

And I started "Emma", and I already know what the lesson you want me to learn is, and that is just mean!! I just thought you and Ms Younger might be good friends, and that is all; it wouldn't be so bad if you did start liking each other either though, would it?

I'll write you tomorrow, Daddy. Night.

Miss you lots, and with lots of love and hugs,
Sky

Monday, May 19th (very, very early morning)

Daddy --- Dad,
Well, I figured it out. I got it. Kaezee's shrink, Ann and Becky's aunt, Lisa's best friend's mother, my shrink. All the same!! A gender specialist.

Everyone that's been nice, Daddy. Was all just a plot thing, right? All.

But why, Daddy? Why did you come out here just to make me into a girl!!

I hadn't started that stuff until after. Not til after!! When I had already been seeing her, so why?

I thought you loved me? Why do you hate Jude so much? Why does everyone? Was it mama too?

And Marsh helped -- that's only why she wanted me to write.

A set up.

OK, I love you, Daddy. But why????

But I'm not gonna stay here at their house anymore. It was all a set up. And they did it most!!!!

But why did you do it?? And so many know now, Daddy.

bye
Still love,
Sky

Monday, May 19th (five minutes later)

Marsha,
Did they have you working for them too?? It was all just a giant trick. Why do they all want to make me a girl? I don't get it, Marsha. Why do you? Why do they hate me? What was so bad about Jude?

Letters from Sky - Part 13

Author:

Jan S

Audience Rating:

General Audience (pg)

Publication:

Genre:

Character Age:

Preteen or Intermediate

TG Themes:

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

"...I do so many weird things, that if I didn't do something weird, that would be weird, but this wasn't about the weird things that I do a lot, but is weird in a whole new weird way of being weird,..."

Letters from Sky

By Jan S

Part 13

>>Monday, May 19th (noon)

aawwhh, Marsh,
I'd hoped you hadn't looked at that stupid letter, and I could tell you to never read it in the subject to here.

I was just being real dumb.

I woke up Lisa and everything when I was writing you, and yes I was just real, real upset. But we talked, and she got her mom too, and I called Daddy, and that helped, because hearing him, hearing how much I'd scared him, made me know he couldn't have done any of that.

But what it was, was that yesterday I found out that Amanda's Mom is Dr Ross. And I knew her Mom worked with peeps that want to be girls, or boys too, and aren't. Or that are but don't look like it, really is what it is. But I also learned that Ann and Becky are also her cousins, because she knew they weren't coming to the pool. And then I asked Kaezee on the phone if Dr Ross was her shrink, and she is.

And that just seemed weird to me that Daddy had sent me there before the clothes stuff started, and last night Daddy said that, when I was in the hospital, I had said that I didn't care about my body anyway because it is just a prison. And I remember saying it, Marsha, but I was just being like deep and philosophical and stuff when I did it, but it scared him to hear. And I also said it wasn't where I belonged too, and it meant that I had to do things I didn't want to.

And that and the things you've told me about about when I was little made him want me to see Dr. Ross, because she is kind of almost famous, and she doesn't only do gender stuff but has done other things too.

And so that made me feel a lot better. A lot.

And Ms Y. had never known I was her patient at all.

So Ms Y called her, and I had an extra long session today, and she said she never tells anyone, ever, who her clients are; and Ann and Becky and Amanda didn't know; and Kaezee met Ann at an Ani-con, and only knew that Kaezee saw her if Kaezee had said it; and Amanda knew that one girl because she knew her before she started seeing Dr. Ross, when they were real little. She tries to help people find who they are, not find boys she can make be what they aren't, is what she said.

So I guess it doesn't sound like a plot anymore, OK? But I'm still real confused. Real, real. And Dr. Ross says things went way too fast, maybe; and that I can stop being a girl right now if I want. And when I got back here, I almost did. But the thing is, and it's real stupid, the more I get worried about it and think of it, the more I want to look more and more like a girl, and wish people knew that.

OK? OK, that's the whole story about my freak out thing last night.

Now I got to make it up to everyone. I don't know what I can do. Because I woke up people, and Lisa is all worried, and Ms Y sat in my room all night and canceled all her appointments for today because they are afraid I'm going to hurt myself again. And I don't feel anything at all like I did that time. In fact, it's like the very opposite. But I can't get people to understand how that was still.

And I missed my stomach doctor appointment and have to see him and Dr. Ross again tomorrow.

And I'm real sorry to scare you and all, and how do I make it up to Ms Y for all that? And to you and Daddy too? I'm just sorry I freaked.

And anyway, Marsh, the other thing is, I'm worried about you and Michael being at that house these days. I guess you were for holidays, but this is longer, and might be different. And she is different too.

Take care, OK? And I'm not being an old mother hen, and I wasn't either about the drinking stuff. I just don't want you to get in trouble and stuff because it would hurt Daddy and things.

I love you! Really!

Loves and Hugs,
Sky

>>Monday, May 19th (night)

Hi again, Marsh,
Yep, I am feeling lots better, thanx.

Yeah, I can believe she did that. I can. So now what are you going to do? There are Starbucks and Barnes and Nobles out here, if you just want, you know. Please. It would be nice. But I know it would be really final with her to do that, like you said. Maybe Michael would want to too if he's really doing that.

I had a really, really long talk with Ms Y. today, and she was like all apologizing about all the stuff with me pretending last month and, Mars, I really felt bad because I don't really think it was like all her now, because I think I really did like it right from then, and all. And she did say again how much I seemed to be a girl as soon as I got around them and had a girl's job, or mostly a girl's one. And she said she couldn't remember, but right from the first night they must have said "she" and "her" about me, and I'd thought about that, and I never noticed, and I'd wondered how they hadn't ever, and had even thought that was part of the plot, but she thinks I just didn't pay attention to them, and she thinks that it would be impossible to get Wendy or Lisa to pull that off for very long, and she's right. When Wendy gets going I don't think she could think to say her for him, if she thought it was a boy.

And I told her how I remembered the time we went to breakfast, which was the first time I picked to wear girl stuff for no reason, and Wendy had said, "Even though Sky's a boy, she could still wear a dress." And I still remember that real well. And maybe it was because of "boy" and "she" being right there, but I noticed it big, big time. And she said that maybe I'd right away been happy to have the chance is all, but that it's not her field, it is Dr. Ross's. But I know Dr. Ross would never say things like that unless I said them, because that is what shrinks usually do.

I need to write Daddy a letter, big time, still, so more tomorrow, don't be scared about me, OK. I'm lots better, I think. Just embarrassed around Lisa and Ms Y., but they act like it's nothing at all, which doesn't really help.

Really, really think about coming out here, Marsh!!!!

Loves and Hugs,
Sky

>>Monday, May 19th (night)

Hi, Daddy!
Thank you for the GIANT virtual hug!! I did really need that!

I'd never thought of doing that in an email, Daddy. And you say I'm the real silly one, huh? :-)

No, I don't think it had anything to do with the things with that Zack boy, just with learning things all at once, maybe. Ms Y says that it might be because things got out of my way all the sudden, and I could be different. And that I was just lucky to meet so many people that knew things like this happen. I don't know.

I'm happy, really, that you aren't canceling your things. I would just feel worse if you did that, Daddy. Please, please don't. I'm not going to run away again, or even back to the apartment, and I'm not going to hurt myself any more; this is different. This is a lot different than then. OK? I promise!!

OK -- But, Daddy, have you heard from Marsha and Michael lately? She called to Marsha's internship place and told them Marsha didn't want it, and Marsha has to get job at a store or something. I know Marsh wanted to work at the museum a lot, Daddy. And she was going to have a part time job too anyway.

And Michael went to a friend's house when he left the dorm, and Marsha thinks he might be bumming invites, so he doesn't have to go there at all before he goes to his camp job, and that's not for a month. I told Marsha she could come here, I thought. She can can't she? And Michael too? Please.

Well, it is a real bad report today on the computer classes too. But it's because I was at the Dr Ross's all morning, and then I talked to Ms Y. for a long time, and I feel real stupid about putting her and Lisa through all that, you know. And she made me lie down for a while to rest. When the other girls got back she woke me and then made me go to Lisa's soccer practice so I'd run around so I'd sleep tonight. It's grown-up's logic, Daddy; you must understand it.

Lisa is on a real good team though, and so is Amanda. It's not super select or anything, but their coach is real good I think, and she said I could try out for her co-ed travel team for next year. Lisa and Amanda are going to. At the Hall that would mean I wouldn't have to do school PE, but it's three times a week, and games at least every other week in fall and spring, and some are a long way away. Do you think that would be OK though?

The coach didn't have an accent really, but she did call soccer "football", so she must be real serious about it, right? I've always thought that was a better name for it anyway, and that it was dumb to call that other game I used to have to play "football". She also calls the field a "pitch" though, and that is equally as dumb IMHO. I mean that is only because they used to play it the same places they played cricket, and it has nothing to do with football.

But listen, Daddy, the British also call parking lots "car parks", and that is worse, because cars can't enjoy them, and would just mess up all the grass and hurt the trees, right? :-)

When I told Ms Y that, she said we were driving on a parkway and when we got home were going to park on a driveway (but she didn't, she went into the garage.) :-P

OK, I know your thinking, "Sky, (or is it Jude?) is rambling, she must be real tired." So I'll say good night (and, also, Lisa is trying to peek over my shoulder.)

So:

(---HUG---)

right back at you!!! Only tighter. :-)))

I love you.

2 More Days!!

Loves and Hugs, Lots
Sky

P.S.: I really, really do feel a lot better about things tonight. I guess, even if it was all a plot, it was a real, real nice one for me.

>>Tuesday, May 20th (late morning)

Hey, Mike
Hey, Marsha told me like you never showed up there, and are staying with friends and stuff. She thinks you might be like your trying to stay away. If you want, you could like come visit here and stuff. There's an extra room and all. If you want, you know?

Look, Mike, just write Daddy is all, OK? Sometimes he won't start about something, because he's like: "It's for you to bring up," you know? At least he is with me lots. So just talk to him, OK?

I'd like it a lot too, really. It would be great to see you and all too.

I'm a lot different now though. I lost a ton of weight (OK - never really weighed a ton :-P but, you know), and I wear my hair different and other stuff. You might really freak, but I hope not. Anyway, I'd like you to see anyway.

But Mike, what I've got to do is figure out if I do it just because I want to be different from what I was, or if what I was always was different from me really. And OK, that makes a lots more since in my head, and it's kind of what some people have been telling me but, Mike, do you want to figure that out too? But I don't know, some how that makes sense, but maybe I'm crazy and don't know it.

Please. Just come.

Loves,
Sky

>>Tuesday, May 20th (early afternoon)

Hi, Marsh
Are you doing OK? I think I am, but I'm not sure. I'm not all freaked now anyway.

First the good news: My stomach is all better. I still can't eat tons and tons of tomatoes and orange juice and things like that, but I can have some. But I've started to like white pizza!

And my doctor said he thinks that Memorial Day is the end of May, and he hasn't looked at a calendar, but that I can swim and stuff then!! One week!

And when I saw Dr. Ross we mainly talked about the difference between wanting to be something different and wanting to be what we are but can't be; you know what I mean? And that was as bad as what I said to Mike a little while ago almost.

But I just mean I'm not all freaked out anymore, just still kind of real, real down. But not like I was last winter. I keep having to say that because of things I did then, and now I'm just confused, not like then.

And I think even if it was a plot, it was a nice one because I like where I got to most of the time, but now Dr. Ross is like trying to talk me out of it, so that pretty much means it wasn't one anyway, right?

So anyway, any thing else happen there? I guess our old ground rule about not mentioning her is gone, huh? Is that OK?

Mike said something: We all had to be a certain way. We could make mistakes and screw up, but they had to be the right ways, the ones she could talk to people about, and they would say, "Yes, they do that." But if it didn't fit the role we weren't being like "Her child" would be. He says she was like that with him too, and he says she was with you too too.

Daddy told me once that some people raise children; he didn't say he meant her; but that ranchers raise cattle, not calves; and dog guys raise dogs, not puppies, and people should raise grown-ups. Maybe it is just dumb kid stuff, but I think they link up. I think she was raising us to just be her kids, her things, not real people, always. And maybe you and Mike growing up had something to do with her getting even worse about me, but also I was always the furthest from what "Her kid" 'specially "Her son" would be because of the things you told me about, I think.

Alright, I know what people all think when little kids, like me, try to get deep and figure out the world and things, and maybe it's all just kiddy stuff and doesn't make real sense. But it's what I think anyway.

But, so, anyway, I'm not trying to stop you from loving Mama, Marsh. I'm just trying to understand things myself. I do hope you come out here, but if you don't want to maybe it would be good for her. 'Cuz I don't want her to hurt.

But I don't want you too more.

Loves and Hugs,
Sky

>>Tuesday, May 20th (night)

OK, Marsh,
I got something new to talk about!

Want to hear about it? It's weird.

I guess I do so many weird things that, if I didn't do something weird, that would be weird, but this wasn't about the weird things that I do a lot, but is weird in a whole new weird way of being weird, like it's not as weird as that weird stuff, but it is even weirder in the weird way that it is weird. OK?

And yeah, I decided to see how many times I could use "weird" in a sentence on that. :-P But I didn't start 'til I was half through; I bet I coulda done more if I thought of it at the beginning.

But so anyway, what I did was give Zack a flower.

I don't know why, Marsh!!! It was really dumb; I mean after all that stuff. And I don't know what he's told his father, but he called Daddy last week, and he wants to see us tomorrow. Just the first night Daddy is back and everything, and I already think Daddy thinks I did something. And it's not like I can prove anything. And I don't want to do that on his first night back, you know.

But then he was sitting by the walk right after getting bawled out by the woman that runs the rec center, and just looking at one leaf of his flower, and I did. Well I gave it to Wendy to give him.

See, Lisa and I went back to the pottery room after origami and were helping to put the things on the rack for the kiln. That was because some pieces of mine fell off when it was fired, but the lady said I could still glaze them and keep them, and I hope I can get them back on, and it will still be pretty. And they are small and delicate so I was helping.

And there was a fight out by the soda machines, and someone was calling someone names, and we went out to look, and it was Zack, and they were just all just yelling at each other about not having enough for drinks, and I think trying to get Zack to buy some, but he was saying he didn't have money, and he had paid lots of times, and they should this time.

And so see, in origami we had made lotus flowers. I don't know if it is officially origami, because we used lots of different pieces of paper and then glued them together, and origami is supposed to be just one piece, I think. But they were still real nice because it was our last project.

And so Zack, even while he was fighting, or yelling at least, was holding his in his hand with his palm up, being real careful, you know. And during the class, he had worked real hard on it, which was strange, because usually he just did what we were doing real fast, you know, followed the instructions but didn't, like, try to learn them or do it good, or he would try to make everything into something else. But today he didn't do that, and his had about twelve or more pedals on it, and mine only had eight, and his were real good ones.

So one of the other boys knocked the lotus out of his hand, and then another boy stepped on it on purpose and scraped it along the floor so it all came apart. Then Zack pushed that guy into the soda machine, and yelled about supposed to having to take that home to prove he hadn't skipped and the boy knowing it, and Zack's partner from fishing was there, and he stood between them, and then the pottery teacher told them to leave, but the lady that runs the whole rec center came and told them not to come back until they had a parent talk to her, and to go out different directions.

OK, after we had got the kiln loaded Lisa and I went and talked to the head lady because, even if we don't like Zack, it seemed like she should know the other boys started it with the flower stuff, and also that Jeff, that's the boy in fishing, was just trying to stop it.

And when we went outside, Ms Y. was waiting in the car, and Wendy was over on the swings, and Zack was sitting on the curb looking at the one pedal that was still hooked to his green stand thing he'd made. And, I don't know, but I told Wendy to take my flower over to him but not tell him whose it was or anything. And she said he asked if she was Lisa's sister, but she didn't answer.

So, I don't know why I did it. Just real dumb or something, and tomorrow we meet with him and his 'rent.

But, at least, Daddy will be home tomorrow!! He gets in about twelve if his planes on time, but he still has to go to his office and to the hospital some too, so I won't see him 'til dinner time. I ordered stuff to do stuffed chicken breast for his dinner, because did you know you can order that stuff online? We do it mostly, especially for dinner. And they'll bring it tomorrow, and I hope Andrea doesn't get mad that I want to cook, but I told you she's being nice now, right? And why?

Gees, Marsh, I g2g. I still have to write Daddy's letter, and Lisa and them have already finished the show they were doing. Bye.

Loves and Hugs,
Sky

>>Tuesday, May 20th (night)

Hi, Daddy
Last report! Yea!!!!

OK, I got a whole unit of the English done, and a half of one of the Math and some of the Science too!!! Yea me!?

OK, I know that's not really much, but it's been hard and I've been busy with things.

But you'll be here tomorrow and can yell at me in person. OK?

And the Doctor said that my stomach is doing great, and I can stop worrying about foods so much, AND that May ends on Memorial Day, and I can swim that day!! But I know you will talk to them about it and get details. But don't talk him out of it, PLEASE!!

And, OK, I'm all over that whole thing from that night, OK?

Could you try to get home early tomorrow? That way you will have more time to tell me I should have done and computer stuff too, right?

I love you, and I can't wait. Bye.

LoveHugLoveHug LoveHugLoveHug LoveHugLoveHug LoveHug,
Sky

Letters from Sky - Part 14

Author:

Jan S

Audience Rating:

General Audience (pg)

Publication:

Genre:

Character Age:

Preteen or Intermediate

TG Themes:

Voluntary

Other Keywords:

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" 'You don't understand, Sky. At anime conventions and cosplay things people were famous for being Tranies and signed autographs, and you're so cute, you should want peeps to know.' "

Letters from Sky

By Jan S

Part 14

Thursday, May 22th, (Morning)

Hi, Mars,
Gaw, I have got soooo much to tell you! You got a lot of time? Well I don't --bluuckkk -- Daddy says I haveta do tons and more of 'puter class things today. But at least he wasn't mad about my not doing much lately.

Anyway, I'm soooo glad he's back even if it means I got to get busy. It seems like it has been forever, but it seems all the last week stuff didn't last at all. You know?

But I absolutely need to tell about the Zack stuff, OK? Because that didn't work at all like I'd xpected.

OK, first all, our first night dinner was all ruined totally, because Daddy wanted to know about that before they got here, which I knew it would be. And I only told about him starting off friendly and how he got mean because I wouldn't do something he wanted. And that he'd called me names and stuff.

But Daddy wanted to know about the threat thing, and I thought that Dr. Philips must of said something about that, but no, I did. And so I had to tell about there being pictures that Zack wouldn't want people to see, but I didn't say what the pictures were and told him that I hadn't actually kept them anyway, and Daddy didn't ask anymore or about what Zack wanted me to do either. He just sighed real, real deep like.

But then he talked about the food for a while, which I had made myself, but it was this chicken thing of Andrea's, and she hovered over me the whole time telling me how all over again, but she was in a good mood about all of it anyway, and I think she just likes to show people how to do kitchen stuff even if they're not doing wrong. Anyway, it wasn't much fun talking about it because of feeling worried about the other thing. I was sure it was going to be a big battle with all lots of "You did this," "No, but you did that" things going on for days and all.

So it wasn't 'til after they left that I asked Daddy about the trip. and it turns out he didn't have to go to Boston to talk to doctors, which is what I thought he was doing, but he just went to see Granpaw's lawyer. And Marsh did you know that he actually left us money, and something is going on with it, but then Daddy stopped talking real quick, and obvi he didn't really want me to know anything about any of that, and it had just slipped. But do you know what he was talking about? Or are you going to ignore the kid's questions about that like you did last time about money?

Alright, but I don't really know about that, so back to the Zack stuff now and save the rest of yesterday for later, because it'll all take forever. And so, you know, I was like real, real scared whenever I thought about Zack and parentals coming all during dinner, because I still thought that Zack might have told tons of lies, even though he hadn't sneered or anything yesterday at all or anything, but had just not even looked at me at all, and I knew he was in trouble too.

So Daddy had told them to come at eight o'clock, which is when we get done with dinner mostly.

OK, so when the door rang Daddy opened it, and Zack was standing there, and I'd just come from the hall when it opened because I'd gone to change into a T and shorts, because I'd worn this new sun dress that is kinda like Hawaiian, with a print of big flowers and green leaves like Hawaiian shirts are with a halter top, that I'd just got today, to make it a happy dinner.

But Zack, he was all in like dressy clothes, a shirt with a collar and pants with a pleat, and he was holding a pie, Marsh!!

And his father was right behind him, and he was holding Zack. I mean he only had his hand on the back of Zack's neck, just sitting there like to steer or something, but it looked like he was holding him because of the way Zack looked; just sort of like he was being carried like the way mean people carry puppies, you know?

And the first thing he did was to say he was all sorry for messing up my pie, and the rude things he had said to me, and you know. And you know, it didn't mean anything at all because it was all rehearsed like and not the words he would have thought of probably, but his look when his father was making this speech kind of seemed like he was sorry for real, and not just sad about getting in trouble or just embarrassed about the way his parentals were talking.

Zack said he had made the pie to replace the one he had messed up weeks ago. And his father said all of this stuff about Zack getting into a bad group, but it not being the kids' fault, just Zack thinking that he got what he wanted by showing off or by spending money on peeps and thinking that was leadership, and finding peeps that bought into that. And I think that was a lot like what Ms Y. had said about the rich kid's disease one time, that I think I told you about, remember? She said I wasn't about to let Lisa get away with that.

Then Zack's mother, she was there too, said that he was going to change and learn that being able to do things, like make pies, wasn't a bad thing, and he had started that by making this one he had brought. But that meant a lot of other things he was going to learn about too.

They also said things about being nice to people and not bulling people that were different. And that was me of course, but I've known about that for years and years, and didn't so much mind them saying it.

But, Marsh, I started to fell sorry for him. When Mrs. Philips was talking (and later I learned she's really called Dr. Connelly), I just had this idea that they were trying to rebuild Zack. Or that, when she was talking about him learning to cook and be more caring, that Zack was going to be in dresses and stuff and be made to be girly, and that was just a gross, gross idea and all. Right?

So I asked could I talk to them alone and told them not to remake him at all -- that it was horrible to not be allowed to be like you really were -- because he had been the first nicest person when I got here, and that was a real good part of him, and that it was just he sometimes wanted to be too bossy, but being bossy was good when it was for the right ways.

Because I really do think he's like that, Mars: a jerk because he thinks that makes people like him, but really, really nice down under. Just because of the way he looked and because of how sad he was yesterday and tonight too. And I told them about the fight at the rec center, and that it wasn't him, too. And said not to try and change him but let the real him come out.

And he smiled, and she said I was wise (yeah, well, you know whatever), and then Dr Philips told Zack that I had argued for him, and Zack was still standing right by the door holding the pie still, and hadn't hardly moved, and I asked if they wanted to eat some and said if it was mine I could share it.

And while I was cutting it Ms Philips -- Dr. Connelly, I mean -- was looking at my hands and, see, on Monday, when I was real down and all, Ms Y. had helped all of us try to do French nails, and she wasn't real good at it because she always has hers done and a different way, but some of the white was still there, and there was a light pink polish on top too, but I didn't think that showed up, and also right then I noticed that my cloud necklace had come out from under my T.

And she asked to look at the necklace, and she said she wished Zack would take good care of his nails like that, and I said it was glaze from pottery and if it got hot enough would turn green and that I didn't think Zack would like doing his nails that much, and she smiled and said she just meant keeping them cut and clean and not biting them, and she wasn't going to make him do fancy things to them, but if I wanted to do very fancy things to mine ever, that was just fine with her.

And I think that was like a coded message, wasn't it, Marsh? And it meant she knew about me sometimes doing girl things, or at least the finger nails, and didn't care?

But OK, so while eating the pie we had to talk about summer plans, and I've got none, and Zack has tons; like two camps, and they're going to Mexico; and Daddy wants to go to the Grand Canyon and places, and I hadn't heard that yet. But even before Zack could finish his firsts on pie, they were talking about kidneys. They don't work at the dialysis center, but he's a hematologist and she does lots of biopsies including kidneys, so they were talking about Daddy's things at the Mayo Clinic.

Then Dr Connelly said Zack and I should go to my room, and I didn't want that, you know, and hoped Daddy would say, "No, watch TV," but he didn't, and I tried to get Zack to just look at the DVDs in the living room, but he said, sort of whispered, "It's OK, Sky. I want to tell you something."

So then in the hall I like said that Sky was a cousin and sometimes we changed places and not me, and he said sort of: "OK. Whatever." And then he didn't say anything when we got in my room about anything, like the dolls and all my shoes by the wall, and I'd left my new dress just on the bed.

But instead he said he really was sorry, and especially about the pictures and about what he did in his room, and didn't know why I hadn't told anyone about any of it. And he wanted to be friends again and he'd try better and all like that.

And I said that would be really nice, and I wanted to be friends too, and that sometimes he was really nice but, if he was going to go back and do like he had, I would just feel sorry for him from a distance.

And he smiled and said, "OK, I won't ever, really. Please." And I think he really did mean it, Mar.

And he said that his brother had tried to tell him he was an asshole, and hadn't told his parent's about the pie until after the finger shooting thing, and he had been like he was about to beat him up about that. And that his brother had always been like: "Saying 'gay' and all names and being a tough guy was the opposite of being cool, because to be cool you let other people be." And that he had also got long speeches about all that from his parents because of what he had yelled at me. But that the thing that really got him was when I said he was gay for wanting that stuff in my letter, and he said he'd known that, he guessed, and it made him feel weird and scared too.

And I told him the things you said about not knowing at thirteen and being curious not being the same as wanting it for life; and he said, yeah, he daydreamed about girls too, and he had had that kind of race with boys, but only a couple of times, and it wasn't the same as what he thought about doing with people all the time, and that he thought those web sites were gross really but kept them to impress peeps, and didn't now because those boys were real jerks once he had got his allowance taken.

And he asked if I was gay, and I said (and I guess I haven't really said this before, not even to myself.) that I thought about what it would be like with boys doing that too, and with girls sometimes, but I mainly though about what it would be like just holding hands and kissing and hugging with a boy, more than any of that other stuff. So I don't know what that makes me at all.

And he said that when he first knew me he felt that way most about with me, more than with anyone else ever; he didn't want it to be like contest stuff, but nice.

And I told him that I thought it was different for little kids playing, which was what he had really done, than when older people, like us now, did sex stuff. And that I wasn't going to do any, any of that ever until I was lots older, at least sixteen. And he kind of thought that made sense.

And I don't know, Marsh, but does any of that sound right to you, or are we just missing something real huge?

But anyway, I guess I can't tell every word because when I try it always gets way long to make you read. But he was real nice that whole night. And we just sat beside the bed and talked about lots of stuff; and I even told him about flunking, and he was like that was no big deal because it was for missing school. And I told him I was going to Westcott Hall, and he called me a Ewhie, which is said like something smells bad, and what kids call people that go there because it is Evelyn Westcott Hall officially after this famous scientist lady form long ago, who invented something called Balthazar's Extract; but he was only kidding, because he wants to go there really too (because he is closet dweeb he said.) but is on the waiting list and not in yet. And he said it was because his mother didn't like the grades he got a public school, but not because they're bad but because they're real good, and he doesn't ever work at all.

So this got to be another Sky-sized letter, huh? But when his father called him, Zack asked to "meet" Sky, and I said sure someday, and I guess I'll have to let him, and I know he knows, of course, but he's like: "I'll pretend if that's what you want." And I think he wanted to kiss, but we didn't, and we had been sitting on the floor leaning on the bed, and I was right up next to him and his arm was on my shoulder then, and I hadn't ever noticed.

OK, so maybe I'm getting all fooled again, huh? But I really just want him to be really as nice as he acts like sometimes, and I think if I'm too mean then he can't ever be. Right?

So then after they left I got to talk to Daddy at last about important stuff, and he asked about the freak out a lot, but finally let it go, and told me about the trip and let the thing about Grandpaw slip. But, if Daddy hasn't said anything about the money from Granpaw, ask him. I think it's a lot, not like the Younger's a lot, but more than we ever thought. And she is doing something with it that's not supposed to happen. OK?

So anyway, I got to go and work; Daddy says we're going out tonight, so don't look for another letter, OK?

Then tomorrow I'm meeting up with Kaezee to go shopping for a new swimsuit because she only has a half day because of exams. All the elementary schools and Jr. Highs get out tomorrow too, and Lisa and Wendy have lots of parties, like two sleepovers each, for this weekend. And it's not first, third, or fifth weekend, so no Ann or Becky either. But the parties start with everyone swimming at the club, and it will be a huge crowd, so I really want to go. After that, though, it will be a long slow dullllllll holiday weekend for Sky, I guess.

Lisa was like she could get me an invite to the sleepovers because it would be lots of the girls that are going to be in my grade next year. She just doesn't see that I can't tell them I'll be going there when I'm being a girl, because I won't be at school, right? But she just spaces on that over and over.

G2G and do all that 'puter stuff, I guess. Bye.

I'm being real stupid again, right?

Loves & Hugs
Sky

>>Thursday, May 22nd (night)

Hi, Marsh
I didn't get to go out to eat with Daddy because he had to stay at his office and catch up on reports and everything from while he was gone. And I'm mad about it, really! It's not fair when he's been gone so much!

But so, I just stayed here and got a pizza for just me. Don't know why, but I got a white one, and it was my first time I could have had a tomato one. I learned to like 'em better, even though peeps all say they're weird.

But anyway, I went on CoH and Zack wasn't on, and I could have told if he was on another server, or even CoV too, so maybe it's because he's in trouble still, or studying because of exams, or playing WoW or something. So I built a huge toon, that's like one that's not male or female, but looks mostly male and is real, real bulky, and I made it a tank, which are the guys that get hit a lot and don't ever feel it much, and I went into the sewers with it, but getting hit on purpose wasn't much fun really.

So just bored, bored, bored..... So I thought of you -- OK, that didn't sound so nice, but you know what I mean!!

But anyway, Zack was at fly fishing today, and he was real, real nice too. And so was Jeff, you remember his partner all the time, and he thinks I'm a girl, and I continued to let him think that too, and so did Zack without even chuckling about it. And I asked Jeff why, if he thought I was a girl from the start, he had called me gay when I told him about cooking class at first; and Zack said, "Because Jeff always says that. He would call anyone gay for doing something girls do, even if it's a girl," or about like that. And Jeff kind of got embarrassed but didn't argue, so I guess he does. They are all so dumb, Marsh, aren't they?

But Jeff isn't that dumb actually because I found out he's got a scholarship to go to Westcott next year already. So, that's another person that I got to figure out what to tell when school starts. I think the thing is to just tell every one that Jude is a cousin of Jessica, who is called Sky, and both are called Jessie. And Sky was here while Jude was with an aunt or something. Do you think that will all work? If it did, I could be a girl outside 'til August.

But what else? Oh. I did get a swim suit last week with Ms Y. But I told Kaezee about it, and she was like that's a real bad suit for special kinds of girls to have, so it was lucky I didn't try to wear it. See the thing is, it's like stretchy and tight, and like with those some people look to see the middle part, you know? And boys like to see it, but girls too, to see how big the bulges on the side are, like. And so, like, even though I am kinda good at taping now, it would still just look flat, and some times when wet the tape outline could show unless I got this special thing or got so I could shape it just right. All right, I guess that's too much about all that, but I just wish I didn't have to worry about it always, and it'd be nice to have the right things.

But anyway we're going to try to take it back to Target -- Tar-jay, we always call it that -- and Daddy said, 'OK,' and to get three because peeps swim a lot out here. Which is pretty cool of him, right?

So anyway, back to about the suits. Kaezee and I are going to look for ones that have linings but are still real cute. And I haven't seen her in like forever, but we IM a lot. And the pool doesn't get really crowded until about four because the little kids don't have half days, just the high-schoolers. And we have to wait for Lisa and Wendy to get there to be their guest, and I'd asked them if Kaezee could be theirs too.

So that's tomorrow, and I might get my ears pierce too, but I forgot to talk to Daddy about it yet, and I think I could just stop wearing them at the start of August and they'd close up by school which is August 20th here, but the 18th for seventh graders for orientation. Do you think they would?

So that's all I guess. Daddy said he wouldn't be real late but it's already nine-thirty, but at least he didn't have to go the dialysis unit, because that always means real late.

Oh WAIT. I forgot to tell you, I got the rose I tried to make in pottery class this afternoon, and I'd tried to put eighteen petals on it because that was all the time I had, and eight fell of when it was fired the first time and five more did this time, when it was fired for the glaze, so it only now has five petals. Which is just real sad, but some of the petals didn't break and they are all made one at a time, and are pretty just by them selves, and I'm going to save some, and I'll give you some too. But I sent most and the sad rose to someone else already. But the petals are pink at the top and red at the bottom. (The pottery lady did little chips of all the mixed up glazes, so we could get the right colors this time.)

And we just did sugar cookies in cooking too today, but in lots of shapes, and had to go get them latter, and Zack and Jeff lucked out because they both came to help me get mine and my rose, and lots of people that didn't have two classes weren't coming back, so they got a dozen each. And I left mine over at the Youngers' because I went by there. No one was there yet, but Connie asked me to eat with them, but that was before I knew Daddy wasn't coming home because he won't ever call my cell for some reason, and had only left a message here. And we had even cancelled tutoring for going out and because the tutor had exams to grade.

And I'm surprised you don't know about the trust fund things yet. But I guess Daddy has reasons. He doesn't like to talk about her to me at all because he thinks it make me sad and mad too much. But I'll ask, because this might be something we should know about, like you said.

OK!!! There's Daddy! g2g

Bye,
Loves & Hugs,
Sky

>>Friday, May 23 (night)

Hi-s, Lisa,
OK, what I wanted to say just when you were leaving was that Zack asked me today if I wanted to go to see "Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" with him tomar. (And I said, "Go with you, or GO with you?" And he said, "GOooo with me, I guess." and was all chuckling and blushing almost too! :)) ) And I know you don't like him much, but I think he's gotten lots, lots, lots, lots better lately. I really do, Lis. And especially after all that thing that happened at the pool today.

But here's the thing -- I'm not just bragging or something -- then that Jeff boy, you remember him? He's pretty cute with blondish hair, and was there with Zack? And he was in one of my rec center classes and mostly nice, and he's going to the Hall next year, in eighth -- Oh, he was the one that tried to break up the fight by the drinks last week and all, remember? Anyway, he asked me to go too, but I'm kinda sure that was just a go, not a GO. And actually they are both going at the same time. It's a big, huge group thing. So I was wondering if you would like to go and be with Jeff?? Please. It would be fun.

But I've got to know by three o'clock, and I know you won't be home tonight, so let me know right away and all, OK? That's because Zack's big brother is going to order all the tickets on line, and we pay him back when we get there. But it will probably sell out being brand new and a holiday, and we'll eat at the food court too.

Bye,

OH -- Hope you have fun at the party (or had by when you read this, Doh.) and BIG MAJOR GRATZ on graduating from sixth grade, middle schooler!! (I forgot to say that 'cuz of all the stuff, and I got you a prez too that I forgot today; I'll bring it tomar.)

Smiles,
Sky

>>Friday, May 23rd (night)

Hi, Marsh,
I haveta tell you about what happened today. It's just so -- ga! do I use the word Weird a LOT, or what? But whatever. Do you want to hear about it? OK, then stop reading. :-P

OK so this is what happened: I told you about the pool thing that everybody plus goes to on the last day of school, right?

Well Kaezee and I got there about four o'clock, and we were supposed to meet Ms Y. to sign us in as guest, but they let us go on in because they remembered me and knew the Y's would be there sooner or later too. And it already was way crowded with peeps. And Ann was there too, even though it's not their weekend on this side of town, so I knew Becky had to be close by. And Ann or someone had staked out a big territory over at the back of the pool, so we moved in with them.

And as soon as I sat down, Zack showed up and he was part of that group, I knew that right away, because he had a drink on our table. And I found out later that the boy next to Ann was his big brother, and they're sort of an item. But there were about ten, I think, others too, some that I'd seen around, or that Kaezee or Ann or Becky had seen at the mall and things.

And I got Kaezee to smear sun stuff all over my back, and Zack came and asked if he could, and Kaezee did this funny thing where she folded her arms and looked him up and down several times, before she said he could do the top and she would do the bottom, and everyone was laughing, even me, except Zack, who looked sooo clueless. And Zack's brother said to be careful with Kaezee's protege to him. I know that was off the point but it was so cute.

So then Becky showed up, and she said hi like she was surprised to see us, and then she said, "So, does everyone know our newest and cutest tranie, Sky?"

She did, Marsh. Just like that.

I felt like kicked in the stomach or something, you know? And I got up, and I started to go into the lady's locker to hide. But now I couldn't. And so I walked off towards the tennis courts on the grass. And Kaezee and Zack were both following, and Zack tried to hold my hand, and Kaezee said for him to go away, and he did. And I sat down and Kaezee did to, and I was crying and didn't want to, and she hugged me. And I don't even think that's what I am really, and why would she say that and stuff, I said.

And Zack came back with her. And she was like: "What's the matter?" She really was, Marsh.

And Kaezee said she was an idiot.

And she said, but the people there didn't care; they would all think it was great, and things like that, because they were in the group that's friends of gays at Westcott, and two of the boys were holding hand too, and none of them had problems with that kind of thing.

And I said that I don't want the world to know.

And she was all: "You don't understand, Sky. At anime conventions and cosplay things people were famous for being Tranies and signed autographs, and you're so cute, you want peeps to know." And she even said that Kaezee and I should make a Utube thing and we'd be famous and on Ophra, and things.

So I asked, "Is that the reason you ever wanted me around, to be your Famous Freak Friend?"

And Kaezee told her that I didn't want to be a 'Tranie' and famous for it, and those people were different, and that I wanted to just be a girl, a regular girl, and that Becky had just said I could never, never be one. And that was the very way I felt, Marsh. Not just mad because she said I wore girl's stuff, and told a secret.

And finally Becky went away, and so did Zack, because he had been standing close listening too. And I just sat there with Kaezee, and we decided to go back to the apartment, and she went to get our stuff. But she came running right back and hollering that I had to come and hear something.

And back at the group Zack and Becky were arguing about whether the boy I looked like was my cousin or my brother. And Jeff, he came from somewhere, was saying Zack had thought I was a boy at first. And Becky said she had just meant to tease because I looked so much like my brother, only, and was friends with Kaezee, who they did all already know about.

And Lisa had come and said she knew me real well and for a long time, and I was not only a girl but a girly-girl too much. And Zack said that he had been talking to Coach Barker, the girls coach at the Jr-Hi, when I got out of PE (which he only changed the coach to the girl's coach.), and that he had got mad at me and was being an asshole with all that boy stuff to Jeff, but was over it. And then Wendy said, real, real loud, that she had skinny-dipped with me, and she would have sure noticed a thing wiggling around and didn't. And a little kid saying that made them all laugh and listen. And then Amanda said, yeah, she was there too.

And by then most of the people that I didn't know that well were already tired of the whole thing, but what Wendy had said sort settled the whole thing (and that wasn't even a lie at all!) So then all I had left to be embarrassed about was that I'd gone skiny-dipping and the world knew it.

And none of the olds or the little kids in the groups near us seemed like they had heard anything, and Becky hugged me and said she was a jerk and an idiot and a creep, and I didn't argue, but did hug her back.

And the rest of the whole day was a lot of fun, and I don't think I even got sunburned any at all. And when the girls went in to change, no one minded me going, or said anything about that I hadn't brought clothes because I live across the street.

And Zack and Jeff had a cannon ball contest for about two hours, which kept them busy enough and just around for a little at a time, and BOTH of them asked me to go to a movie with them!!

And, Marsh, it was a lot of fun, and then it was over. But, anyway, it was except that I think still that Becky, and Ann too maybe, only like me because I am freak, maybe, like I had said. But, Marsh, they had liked me even before, at least some, way back in March, and no one has ever really liked Jude much at all, only Sky, or only once they thought I was a girl. So I don't know about them now.

And then when I was walking back though, I thought about how what Becky said I was was what I am, really. Not even really. But a boy who likes to wear girl things, and if people don't really mind that and think it's neat, then maybe I should just tell them. But then they know that I'm not a girl, and that isn't really the way I feel --- and I don't know. You know??

Marsha, what if she ever finds out that people think I'm a girl? I don't think I could stand being so embarrassed. And someday she will, and I should figure out how to stop all of this before, right?

Loves & Hugs, Sis,
Sky

P.S.: And, Marsh, don't say anything to our mother about the money things, OK. Daddy asked if you knew, and I think he's scared she will get like she was again.

Letters from Sky - Part 15

Author:

Jan S

Audience Rating:

General Audience (pg)

Publication:

Genre:

Transgender

Character Age:

Preteen or Intermediate

TG Themes:

Voluntary

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

" 'To make a prairie it takes a clover and one bee,--
One clover, and a bee,
And revery.
The revery alone will do
If bees are few.' "

Letters from Sky
By Jan S
Part 15

>>Saturday, May 24th (morning)

Hi, Mars!
What you said is a lot like she was lots last fall too, Mar. Sometimes she would just sort of stay in her room or not really say much for a long time. Then she would stop and be real mad, but sometimes she would just go right back to regular. Is she just being real bossy a lot? If you do what she says, or just say you are, she's better.

Anyway, I did get Daddy to talk some about Granpaw and the money, but you know I don't really understand it, and you should just ask him. But Granpaw did have a lot. He bought an old farm no one wanted a long time ago and made money selling it later, like he told me once. And Daddy says he just kept doing that over and over for about forty years and some and, by the time it was a lot, he was old already, and he had that old house he liked with his vegetable garden, and he didn't want more, so he never used the money, and it just got bigger. Sort of like Ms Y., I guess, but Daddy says it's not nearly that much, but could be enough to put his grandkids through medical school, if Michael doesn't become a philosopher, and we don't decide we're rich. That's the way he said it.

And Granpaw put it in three parts, one is divided for us, and one part is hers, and one part is this life thing for her, but she can't use it, only what it makes or something. Don't go into it, OK? So, anyway, she has been taking money form our parts, and Daddy learned about it when the lawyer sent him tax papers because he is my guardian. And she didn't even tell the courts about it, and that could get her put in jail even.

So, OK. That's all I really know. Talk to Daddy, OK?

Love ya lots and lots of hugs,
Sky

P.S.: I didn't even tell you about my new swim suits yet, but I thought that would just seem so silly with the other stuff, so I won't 'til you ask.

Are you scared about it, Marsh?

Saturday, May 24th (late morning)

Hi, Lisa,
NOOOO! Don't tell your Mom it's a date! Geez, Lis!

It's not really anyway, just say it is going to a movie but there will be boys there is all. I mean everyone is paying, right? So that isn't a date, OK?

I think Amanda could come, I guess. I don't know that many boys around here though; do you know someone she could meet up with? Or I could ask Zack.

OH. I just remembered. You'll never check your mail when you aren't told something is coming. So what am I typing this for? I'll have to call you anyway.

Bye

Smiles,
Sky

Saturday, May 24th, (early afternoon)
Hey, Mike

How you been? It's been a while since you've written and all. I wish you could come out here for a bit, especially if you don't want to go to her house and all. Why not?

Also, maybe you should call Daddy and talk to him about some things to do with grandpaw's money, OK?

Bye,
Loves, Sky

Saturday, May 24th (early afternoon)

Hi, Zack,
My parental said it would be all right, but he's going to drop me off and pick me up.

Do you think it would be OK if my friends, Lisa and Amanda, came along too? I told them it was a big group thing.

Do you think that Jeff might like Lisa? Will there be someone there for Amanda to be with too?

I tried to call but only got the machine, so I hope you get this in time. I'm going to go ride my bike for a while, but I've got a cell. It's ---/----. Call me when you get home, 'K? (And you can email me now too again, btw.)

Smiles,
Sky

Saturday, May 24th (night)

Hi, Marsh!!
Oh boy! You want to hear all about my new suits!! :-)

But I should tell you this while I still remember it: Zack held my hand almost the whole time during the movie tonight. Well, OK, I had to kind of grab it and make him, but he kept putting it on the arm thingy and then moving it back so I had to do something, right?

And, of course Lisa and those guys started giggling about it. And at the end he put his arm on my shoulders, right in front of them. And the movie was pretty good too. But I thought he was being really nice the whole night, and he was really, really trying hard to too. So maybe I was right, huh? Maybe I did tame him after all, like you said doesn't work. :-P

OK, the suits: One, the one I wore yesterday, is royal blue, and has yellow on all the edges. And it's a one piece, they all are, but it has holes in the sides, three on each side, and then there is like just a little almost string connector between each hole, including at the bottom, so the whole of my side almost shows. And it also has a hole where my bellybutton is too (and I really need to get it pierced just for that suit!!) And it has a built in bra and the lining makes it look like I have something there. A little bit anyway.

And there was this really neat suit in the store that had even more holes. You know like cut outs all over, and all different sizes, but never in the places that count, and I'd have liked to have gotten that, but no matter how I moved it around at least three of the holes were right on top of one of my stomach scars, so I got the one with the cut outs on the sides instead.

And that might be my favorite, but I had thought my favorite was the one I'm saving for Monday, when I can actually get in the water. That one is teal, and it has almost no back at all, but just spaghetti straps across the top part, and the bottom has thicker straps on the side, but they don't come up very high on the back, so a bit of my crack shows on top, but just a little bit, Marsh, and the lining, that I have to have for things, isn't on the back part, and it shows a lot of my tush on the sides too; I mean it's no where like a thong, but thin and the connector parts to the front are about two inches thick anyway, so I don't think it looks that skimpy at all. And Kaezee said I was right too. Do you think Daddy will think it's OK?

But the other thing is, see, I always used to think my butt was too big, and it's not real skinny or anything, but it's not really round like. I mean on the sides I've got butt dents. Do you know what I mean? Places where it goes in, instead of being round there. And do you think that is compleatly a boy thing? Kaezee says it is kinda, but people won't really notice and skinny girls might have them too, but I've never looked to see, and don't know. Do you? But anyway I do sort of like it anyway.

OK, and then the last one is neat too because, though it looks like a kind of old fashion one, you know covers lots, if you look at it real close you can tell that it is a mesh and you can see through it, except it has three triangles of lining in those spots, but they are like peach colored so it fools you anyway. And you're supposed to be able to tan right through it, but not burn, they said, at least not too fast. And unless you're real, real close it looks like yellow with big orange flowers though. But the thing I liked best about it was it came with a cover up that is bright, bright yellow and a real loose knit and shaped like a poncho, like triangled but with hidden parts under the sides to hold it down.

And, you know, Daddy hasn't seen them yet, and I don't think they are like any that Ms Y. would have wanted me to get, but Kaezee liked them and all. And you know really, though the one Ms Y. got me covered more and all, it was made so it would show cracks, both at the front and the back, so I don't see that it was better. Do you think they're OK, or too old for me or something? They can't really be because they fit, and even do up top.

OK. But oh, there is one more thing to tell you. I went for a ride today and went to look at the real neat house I told you about. And it's been sold.

I don't know why, but it kind of made me sad that it had. The other house already has people in it, and I think they must be real old because I didn't see any bikes or toys or things, just flower pots and outdoor chairs around.

But I was looking over the fence at the back yard of the one that has the round tower, and this man yelled at me, but then when he saw how I was dressed, my puppy dog T and some yellow shorts and the yellow tennies, he got friendlier, of course. And he told me he was the foreman for the guy that built them, and that some one on just last Thursday had said they would buy it, and wanted it ready in a big hurry too. So I guess that means I'll never get to live in it, and that man said the big iron thing in the back yard was to keep things out of the pool, and it even has a hot tub too. Wouldn't it be great to have your own pool, Marsh? Especially out here. But that man said he was going to have to work on the holiday to get the fence around it taken down and start putting in new dirt and grass. But anyway, whatever.

OK, that's all the eleven o'clock news from out here. I'm glad she is acting better today.

Loves and Hugs!
Sky

Sunday, May 25 (morning)

Really!!
You're really coming, Mike! Daddy just told me. Is your 'puter broke? You could have told me, you know.

Daddy says I have to clean out my closet, which is what he's started calling the extra bedroom. But don't worry; I'll have it done by Tuesday night. It's worth it.

But, Michael, there is something I need to tell you first, OK?

You see, I dress and wear my hair a lot different from last year now almost always, and I hope you don't freak when you see it, but I don't really know how to explain all about it really. So I'll just wait and let you see. Well it's like sometimes I, actually wear girl's things, Mike.

OK, I said it. So be prepared for a shock, OK? I hope you're not totally grossed or anything. Please, don't be. I really want to see you a lot. I really do. And I hope it's OK.

Daddy said he wanted me to stay home because your plane gets in so late, but I'd really like to go to pick you up with him, but if you would rather have the shock here we can. If I go to the airport I get out of a lesson with my Soc. Studies tutor, though. :)

That's not the reason I want to go, you know. It's been so long!!

Write me soon, please, you have to be getting email somewhere, I know.

Hugs and Smiles
Sky

Sunday, May 25th (morning)

Hi!
Know what?? Michael is coming out here and is going to stay until his camp job starts next month!! That's great, right? He and Daddy had it all worked out and he gets here on Tuesday. You can still come too, you know. We can figure out something. I could move in to the little den place, or we could share for a while.

But OK, the stuff you asked about.

I just asked Daddy why she would say something like that, and the first thing he said was to tell you not to talk to her about it. OK? Then he said that he didn't know why she would say I'd taken her money at all. But I think I know why.

Daddy said that granpaw changed his will about two years ago, and that's when he added the life thing and made the trust funds bigger, and that was near when they had a big fight about me dancing and her hitting me, remember?

Daddy also said that a lot of her part isn't making as much as it did because of the markets and things, and that she was probably not nearly as rich as she had thought she would be, and that part of it was in these houses that are hard to sell at all right now. So, I guess, she blames all of that on me for dancing in front of granpaw, or something maybe.

Do you think that might be what she meant, anyway?? Daddy left for the dialysis center again, but he said he would write you later.

About the other thing you asked, Mars. It is just really hard to talk about at all, Marsh. Because I don't feel like that any more at all. But no, the scars aren't from something she did to me. But it wasn't just an operation, but there was one. I did them, OK?

But I didn't try to kill myself, Marsha. I promise, I promise. I wanted to live. See. It's all just real, real hard to explain but, see, I felt dead, and I wanted to feel something, because I couldn't really feel anything else. So I did that.

And even Daddy and all the shrinks couldn't understand and thought I was offing myself, but I never was.

OK, so see, it was the night right after the court things, when she was terminated as my parent, and I had to go in and answer the lawyer's questions even though I had talked to the judge alone before. And I said I didn't think she should go to jail, and she had for three days because of cutting me last fall, but I didn't think it would make anything better, and I said I was sad that she wouldn't be my mom anymore. And I guess I was crying, and she yelled out about how I always did that, and I didn't feel things right for a boy, and how she had always tried to help me and make me better, so I wouldn't be in danger, but I always did the wrong things anyway.

And well OK, it's just hard to go into but, Marsha, I think I always tried to do the things, be the ways, she wanted, but it didn't help, or I didn't know what it was or something.

And then she got fined and sent outside, and then I asked to leave when the judge was reading the thing, and she was in the hall, and she saw me, and she said that she was glad I wasn't hers any more, and that I was just a thing, a broken thing always.

And I looked at her, and the court police ladies with her made her leave. And then I didn't want to cry anymore, and I couldn't at all anymore. I didn't feel bad any more, but that didn't really feel good.

And so, this is how it happened. I was just trying to get a hard spot off next to my finger nail, and I was just using my pocket knife from my tackle box because I couldn't find the clippers, or something. And I just dropped the knife and it hit my stomach with the blade, and I felt that. And, Marsha, people don't get this, but when you stop feeling that feels real good to feel something. And I moved the blade along it and made a scratch, and then, I guess, I put it into it. And I did that four times, but there was only one that broke open anything on the inside, and I still have four scars, but one is only a little white mark now.

And I know you don't get that either, and think I'm crazy and all because of it, but I'm not. I know I'm not, and neither was Jude then either. But when you never felt like that, and even when you have stopped feeling like that -- or stop not feeling like that, because it isn't any feeling -- then it is not understandable. So even to me now, I can't remember how it was.

But they let me out of the hospital, but it was more like a month, not what I told you before, because I didn't want to say I'd been in the nut house for a month after the regular hospital, and when they let me go they said it wasn't going to last a long time and was because of what she had said and happened, and then Daddy wanted to take this new job right after that too.

And that was one of the things the school used to try to keep me out of regular classes too, because they thought I was depressed still and might off myself.

But now I don't feel that way. I feel a lot now. And I know I'm not a thing anymore now. OK? And the scars should maybe be gone in a year or so, except one that they might have to do something to, and the inside part is OK now too.

That's really all there is about that all, OK?

Bye, alright?
Loves and Loves and Hugs,
Sky

>>Sunday, May 25th (afternoon)

Marsh, Listen!!
I got it, Marsha. What's that Greek word? Eureka!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Listen. OK, after writing earlier, I wanted to go for a bike ride just to get out, and because Daddy has to be doing dialysis center things until this afternoon.

So, have you ever heard this poem, it's by Emily Dickenson, because I just looked it up to make sure the words were right:

To make a prairie it takes a clover and one bee,--
One clover, and a bee,
And revery.
The revery alone will do
If bees are few.

And the 'puter says it's spelled wrong, but it's not. Have you heard it? Daddy told it to me. It was when we were fishing, and I wasn't fishing, I was just sitting by a tree and looking down the canyon we had come up to catch trout, and I was thinking about how it looked like a tunnel because of all the trees on both sides, and about how the little pool at the very bottom might have been a big huge field, and I was wearing a sun dress and running in that field. I mean I wasn't, I was wearing some of your old shorts and a T and sitting by a tree, but I was thinking of wearing a beautiful, cute dress and running in that field though.

And lots of peeps might have said, "A penny for your thoughts," or something like that, but Daddy didn't. He handed me this little leaf, and it was from a tree, and not a clover but sort of like one, and he said that poem to me, and then he smiled and went back to fishing.

OK, so after that letter and thinking about back in the winter, I went for a ride, just alone, and I tried to go real, real fast, and the bike path was crowded because of it being Sunday and tomorrow a holiday, but I did anyway. And this time I was wearing a dress, a white sun dress with straps, and it flew up when I rode, but I checked, and I don't think I could go fast enough to make it high enough to show my panties because it is pretty long, so that was OK.

And I got to where that house that just got bought is, and the chain fence is all gone now, and so I sat in its yard. Mostly, it is all dirt, and hard dirt, but there was one patch that was green, and I sat there, and was just having a drink from my water bottle, but I looked at that round part of it and thought of it having an old fashioned window seat like in some old pictures, where people could seat and read. And that was what I was daydreaming about, but then I saw a clover next to me, and just right then a bee came by me, and went around and away, and I remembered that poem. And then I started thinking about the revery I had the day Daddy told me the poem, and then I started thinking about daydreaming.

And so I thought of all the daydreams I used to have and, Marsh, I used to daydream about being a quarterback and throwing a winning touchdown, or about being a knight and fighting to save someone, or a soldier even. And I used to make my self daydream like that because I knew that is what I was supposed to daydream about. But I also thought about being at a ball and dancing, or on a stage, or even being in a tower. But Marsh, I was always a girl. When I stopped controlling the daydream, and when it became a revery, and I wasn't worried about what I was suppose to dream, I was always a girl, even if I had been a soldier or knight or football guy, when I took the helmet off, long hair came down, and I had a nice smile and pretty eyes!! Always!!

And, this is the thing: that was before I was out here and people let me pretend to be one or thought I was. This was even back in Bethesda, and in Boston when I was real little, and before doing all those sports things she wanted me to always do. You See!!

And, yeah, some people hated Jude. But it was a Jude that was always having to pretend to be someone else, not the real Jude. A Jude that had to be tough and rough and lots of things I'm not, all the, all the, all the time. And I didn't hate Jude. I didn't and some people didn't and saw the pretend part. But it's not that I want to pretend to be a girl to not be Jude any more, and that's what Dr. Ross says it might be, but it can't be because I always was a girl when in revery!! SEE?? Please see.

Because that has to mean I have always been a girl, no matter what, I have always been, and just tried to do what people, and Her, thought I should be, and I never could. A very special kinda girl, but a girl; a real, real, real girl.

So that is it!! That's all. Do you think that is right??? Say, yes, because it is. I know it.

I got a number to call Dr. Ross in emergencies. Do you think it's OK to use that for good stuff? Because she's got to understand this is right. But it's Sunday, and a holiday, and I don't even have an appointment tomorrow.

Daddy said he'd be back in time, and we could finally go out to dinner tonight, like we had planed last Thursday. But it's still early. I'm going to see if we can go somewhere real, real nice!!

I'm going to see if I can get Kaezee on the phone because she isn't on line. And then I'm going to call that number for Dr Ross, because emergencies don't have to all be terrible and this is a kind of emergency too, and I have to tell people that I'm a girl!!

Bye

I wish you were here so we could just dance, Marsh!!

Loves and Hugs and Kisses and Hugs and Kisses and Loves and Kisses and Hugs and Loves and Kisses and Hugs and Loves from YOUR SISTER!!!!!,
Sky

Letters from Sky - Part 16 & Epilogue

Author:

Jan S

Audience Rating:

General Audience (pg)

Publication:

Genre:

Character Age:

Preteen or Intermediate

TG Themes:

TG Elements:

Jewelry / Earrings

Other Keywords:

Fairy Tales

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

"...how can Sky not live happily ever after?"

Letters from Sky

By Jan S

Part 16 & Epilogue

Monday, May 26th (Morning)

Hi, Marsh
It's your Sister!! :)

You around, Marsha? I still haven't heard from you, I guess 'cuz of the holiday, and things come up.

Anyway, I did call Dr. Ross and started to leave a message on the machine at her emergency line, and before I even got done she called on my cell, and said that my revery thing made sense to her!!

And that it might be an epiphany, which is like when you realize something for real all the sudden, and at least it is enough to give being a girl a try full time, and I can even start taking pills to be a better one. They aren't the pills that will make me grow like a girl, but just to stop me becoming more like a man for now. And Kaezee had told me about them because I can't start the others for a while, until I'm sixteen or almost am probably. But these will stop me from getting a low voice and big muscles and all that kind of junk at least. Kaezee even said it was good about being a year behind in school, because it will be less noticed that I'm not growing up for right now too.

But Dr. Ross wanted me to get a physical first and have to wait, but I told her about all the test with the stomach doctors, and she is going to get the results faxed tomorrow and, if it's the right test and OK, she will have the pills for me at her office on Wednesday morning!!! Which is still two whole days of becoming more like a man, but the best we could do.

And when I told Daddy what I had realized he was happy for me too. And he agreed it meant getting a fancy dinner to celebrate, and I even got to wear my high heels at last last night and, because we couldn't get a reservation 'til late, he took me to the Mall, and I got my ears pierced while we were waiting!!!

And most days that's two things that would have been huge headline for me!! Right?

And for now I have to only use these studs for forever and do lots of cleaning stuff for almost all summer, but Daddy bought me two other pairs to use as soon as I can. One is little gold loops with a little diamond (only looks like one, probably) right at top. And one is real diamonds in a star shape that we got at better store than just Clair's. But the ones I got for the training period are OK too; they're flowers with fake diamonds and emeralds.

So a third thing that would have been a headline too!! I get to go swimming today!!! Remember? I don't have to just sit and watch, and lots of the kids were like they didn't want to go today, because it is too crowded and with lots and lots of olds around that have the day off. But I asked them too (OK, I begged and, maybe, pretended to pout a little.) and Lisa and Amanda and Wendy are going to come, they think. And Zack said he was going to try real hard to, but he was still in trouble, and had a hard time getting to come Friday. But, and he said he wanted to "baptize me." As if!!!

Daddy, made me show him all my suits this morning, and I don't think he liked the butt-dents one, but he's letting me keep it, and it's what I'm wearing today. The yellow one I have to take back, because he says that from across the pool that color would make me look like I had nothing on, and because the sheer stuff would let me burn too, and sales people don't know how easily I do that. But I can keep the cover-up for it if they will let me.

OK, bye. Write real soon, OK?

Hugs and Loves and More,
Your sister!!! :)
Sky

>>Monday, May 26th (evening)

ZACHERY PHILIPS!!!!
You do NOT OWN ME!!!

I can't believe you would do that, Zack!!! You know it's a secret!!!

Besides I have spies!! I know you brother's girl friend, dummy!! And if anyone ever hears about my screaming when I got my ears pierced, everyone will know your middle name isn't Jonathon; it's worse, Ignatius!!!

Besides, I didn't scream that loud and lots of people do it anyway, and the piercing girl said I was at least third in loudness ever, Iggie. :-P

Ohhh, your initials are Z-I-P; that's cute! Eww. It might be worth it. So there.

Bye, Zippy.

Can you say PWNed? I knew you could. :-PPPPPP (that's a real long tongue sticking out btw)

Smiles,
Sky

P.S.: Are you going to be able to come to the pool again tomorrow? I'll probably have to leave about three; my 'rent has some big mystery thing he wants to do.

But know what? He said he was going to apply for membership there this week. bye

>>Monday, May 26th (evening)

Hi, Mike!
You think I'm pretty and cute!!!! Really????? Of course, you have to say that, being a big bro and all, but I'm glad you did -- now say it lots, lots and lots more, so I believe you believe it, OK ;-)

I didn't even know Daddy sent the fishing pictures to Marsha that she sent to you. Did he send the ones in my gypsy dress? It's my favorite, I think. And she never told me she had told you, but I'm glad because it is hard to explain.

And, Michael, I'm real, real, real happy you aren't all flipped 'bout it and all. I was scared you would be, you know? But you still have it wrong though.

I don't pretend to be a girl, ever -- ever, Michael. I am one, and always was. C? I know that. I know it now a lot!!!

If you don't believe in that, I guess it is Ok, and you can just pretend that I'm pretending, I guess. That's alright and lots better than telling me I'm not. But can you tell me if you're only pretending, or if you know the truth? OK?

And see, I don't really know how it all happened, Mike, at all really. But out here I think I just met lots of peeps who didn't mind me being me, and maybe because they know there were peeps like me already, and that made it OK. And I thought it might be a plot, but everyone says no 'bout that, so I think it wasn't, and I don't even care now, because it is so much right. OK???

So tomorrow!!!!!!! I Can't Wait I Can't Wait I can't wait I Can't Wait I Can't Wait I can't wait I Can't Wait I Can't Wait I can't wait I Can't Wait I Can't.

But I got to warn you, Mike!! When I see you tomorrow, I'm going to run and jump on you and give you the biggest hug ever. Michael, girls can do that to their brothers, C, and don't have to act all cool and stuff when they're happy. So be ready for a ninety-two pound cannon ball right in the airport!!

And, Mike, You BETTER hug me back almost hard enough to hurt too!! Because if you don't it will hurt me a lot, and I'll show it right there in front of everybody. Because girls can feel things and show it too. And now I can. OK?

So you better! :-)

Love you lots, Big Bro!!
Sky

P.S.: It's been sooooooooo long!!

P.P.S.: I can't wait!!!!!! (did I say that already?) :-P

>>Monday, May 26th (night)

Marsh???
Are you OK?? Really. Maybe it's a 'puter thing, but try to write me. OK, maybe I'm just being silly again and all. But please. I sent you lots of important things and haven't heard back. Please be OK and me stupid. There's tons and tons of really great things more to tell, and I've no one to say it too!!!!

She scares me, Mars.

Hugs and Loves and Kisses,
Sky

>>Monday, May 26th (night)

Michael,
Can you get in touch with Marsha, Michael? She hasn't written in two days almost, and I think she would have, and Daddy doesn't want to call her or me to, because she is at that house and everything. Try and call, I know it is real late there and you're not getting email much and all but please see this.

Let me know, OK?
Hugs,
Sky

>>Tuesday, May 27th (early morning)

Hi, Mike,
Did you ever try to get Mars? I still haven't heard from her. Please, just go to Panera's or Starbuck's already!!! Please, check you mail, Mike.

Love,
Sky

>>Tuesday, May 28th (afternoon)

Dear Mama,
Hello. I sent you something last Friday, and they said you would get it today. I hope you have already, and I hope you like it. I made it in a pottery class.

I sent it to let you know that I still love you, Mama.

I still remember all the times you were nice, and when you took care of me when I was sick and things.

Daddy also told me that you named me Jude after your aunt named Judith, and Skyler after your Mother's last name. I think your giving me names from your family shows you loved me once, and I've decided to use those names.

We live a long way away now. We moved here on March 20th, and I have made lots and lots of friend's. They really like me and know lots of things about me and still like me, Mama. They like me the way I really am. I hope that makes you happy that it is like that for me.

I just still love you, and I wanted you to have the rose, and I wonder if you still love me too.

If you do, please write back.

With love,
Your Child,
Jude
a.k.a., Judey; a.k.a., Jesse; a.k.a., Sky; a.k.a., Jessie; a.k.a., Skye
(They are all me, Mama. And I have to be who they are.)

>>Tuesday, May 28th (Night)

Hi, Marsha
Again!! I so glad, Mars!!!!!!!! Daddy told me to come and write you because I was no good for some one to talk to all night, and he couldn't even watch TV with me there. He said he's going to call Mike and leave a message to tell him to tell you to look at your email when you're waiting in Denver, and so maybe you will get this if Mike turns on either his laptop or his cell.

And because so he won't go deaf from my talking the whole way back from the airport and others might get a chance to say something sometime too. He can be real mean to me sometimes with stuff like that, did you know that? Did he tease you like that too? I mean, I can't help being happy, can I? Right?

At least she didn't try and lock you up or something, Marsha. Or do anything like that. And Daddy said that, if you kept the pieces, the hard drive might still be good, and that tech peeps can put it into another 'puter and get all the stuff off of it, or a lot at least, but you probably know more 'bout that anyway. And I'm glad you knew the Sterns next door already and could go there too.

Marsh, was it because she got something from me? Because I sent her something, and it wasn't supposed to get there 'til today, but I guess it couldn't have by Sunday if that was when she went off.

Marsha, do you think she will always be like that? Do you think there might be some way to make her get better? I mean, Zack has changed a whole, whole lot, right? Do you think something like that might could happen with Mama? It would be nice if something would work, wouldn't it?

But anyway there is tons and tons I could tell you and I couldn't say it all on the phone, or Daddy says what I said I said so fast you couldn't have understood anyway. And it was so great to hear you! Do you know it's been since August that I haven't heard you? Or maybe a couple of times when I was at her house, but not very much. And I'm going to see you tonight!!!! !!!!!! So, YEA!!!!! !!!!! !!!!!! !!!!!

Do you know that Daddy tried to think he could make me wait at home again when the planes were changed, just because it's not here 'til after midnight!!! I mean he really did. And he also saidf he's going to fill up the swimming pool just because it's shaped like a kidney!! But, oh, you don't know yet. But Daddy bought a house!!!

And Marsh it is THE house. The one with the round tower on it that I told you about and everything, and he hadn't even told me at all, because he said he didn't want to until he had heard from the bank. And he told me that was because I don't know what "maybe' means, and he said if I do, then I forgot when it was a maybe about something I really wanted, and he didn't want my hopes way up, so he didn't say anything, but he was the person that had made the offer to buy it last week!!

And he waited 'til heard from the bank before he told me, and we are going to move into it just next week too. And I didn't know where we were going, and I felt like that girl in that Santa Clause movie, the real old one, when we drove up and Daddy said it was our house and it was my house too!!!!

And the round part downstairs does have a window seat, sort of, and it goes all around most of the room, and we're maybe going to put the piano in there, which will almost fill it up. But the upstairs round part is a sitting part of the master bedroom, the one with its on huge bathroom and all, and Daddy says I can't have it. But I'm going to use this room that is in the attic which has those windows that stick up on the roof, you know? And they have real, real window seats where you're like in away from the room, you know what I mean? But you will get to see it all tomorrow too, and see what it's like, and it has two bedrooms and a bath in the attic part, and two small and the giant bedroom on the upstairs, and it doesn't have a basement at all, but it has a room off to the side that will be like a rec. room, and it has a pool.

But it's a kidney shaped pool, and Daddy say that, because he's a nephrologists, he doesn't want to spend all day long taking care of people's kidneys and then come home and try to relax in something that shape, and so he's going to fill it in! And I know he's just kidding, 'cuz he's got to be, but he kept a straight face the whole time about it, so be on my side, and we can't let that happen. OK?

But anyway you will see the house tomorrow!!! Oh, and Daddy says it's not because of the trust funds or anything that he could get it, but because he sold the old cabin and found a renter for two years on our house. But it's not terrible, because the buyer is that guy that is really Daddy's cousin but wanted us to call him Uncle Joe and Aunt Kate, remember? He used to come there sometimes. And they're going to build a new house to retire in, and the cabin will be a guesthouse we can use anytime we want.

And, I really, really haveta tell you about yesterday because one real important thing happened at the pool yesterday, and one thing that might be real nice too. So, to keep it all in time order. (Remember when I had to used to do that all the time, along time ago?)

OK, so to start. Ms Y was over talking to Dr. Ross, so I went to say hi, and Dr Ross gave me a giant hug right away, because of the revery thing and everything, and then we told it to Ms Y., and Ms Y. asked if that meant I was going to go to school as a girl and all.

And I had thought about how great it would all be to do that, and Dr. Ross nodded to say she thought it would be good too. But I hadn't thought about how to get the school to let me. But Ms Y. said the middle-school dean for the Hall was at the pool, and I should talk to her right then and took me over, and she was the lady that had interviewed me, and she recognized me even though I was wearing my teal one-piece, and Ms Y. was standing there, but I had to do all the talking, and had to say I wanted to go to the hall as a girl, and I said it was because that was what I really was too.

And the lady smiled and said that was great news, because there were going to be three more boys in the seventh grade than girls, but now there would only be one more. And so just like that I am a girl at Westcott Hall, Marsh!!!! Because I knew they allowed very special kinds of girls there, because of Kaezee, and Ms. Herman did look over at Dr. Ross before she said that too. Ms. Herman is the dean person.

And so then the other real good yesterday thing, Marsh. At least I hope it is. Zack got to the pool later, and yeah he "baptized" me, three times, even though I had been in the pool a lot before he got there, but he wasn't mean, and didn't hold me under very long, and then he stopped after three. But here's the good thing, I took Zack over to Dr. Herman and told her that he was on the waiting list for eighth grade, and she remembered him, and I said he was real nice and would be real good for the eighth grade.

And she scowled at me and said, "Miss Eliot, we do not accept students based on how good a boy friend they will make for another student." And of course, I was real embarrassed and figured I'd messed up royal and more, but then she smiled and said, "However, knowing that Zack Philips is a nice boy is important information for us to consider."

So, do you think I helped and all? Do you think he's going to get in, Marsh?

And so one more thing, and it was today, and don't let Mike read this part!!!!! Delete it or something. But today at the pool there weren't very many people, but Amanda was there and so was Zack, and so was Jeff, that's that boy that was in fishing. But Lisa and Wendy were both at a special long dancing class, and couldn't come today, to get ready for their recital, which is on Saturday, and you can probably come too it if you want to.

But anyway, last weekend I'd tried to get Lisa with Jeff at the movie, but he wound up sitting with both her and Amanda, and talking to Amanda mostly. And then yesterday when he saw Amanda in this purple two piece with like a skirt around the bottom that's lace, and lacey stuff at the top too, he said, "That suit just looks totally gay," to Amanda.

And Amanda smiled and said, "Thanks." Like it was a compliment and now I think it probably is when Jeff says that to a girl. Right? And Amanda says she can fix that part of him, no prob.

Oh, and also, yesterday Lisa talked to this boy who was in her class a lot, and he has real big ears and braces, and someone should tell him or his mom that long hair or short hair is OK now, but not hair like he gets it cut. But anyway I think Lisa likes him, and he was nice too. So it's OK that Amanda is going with Jeff.

But here's the thing that happened, Marsh. There are these tall bushes over beside the tennis courts and between the pool, and on Friday I saw Becky and a boy go back over there for a long time, so they must be kind of famous. And this afternoon Amanda pulled Jeff's hand and they went back there and, then when she came back, she wouldn't say what they had done or how far, but just giggled. And when I looked at Zack, he just blushed, but I knew he wanted to go too or that Jeff would rib him about not going. And so we went back behind those bushes, and we made out!!! And he hugged me and we kissed and he rubbed my back, but he didn't try to put his hand into my suit at all except right on the top of the bottom. And he was real nice. Real, real, real.

So don't tell that to Daddy!! Because I don't think he thinks I'm old enough yet. And be sure Michael read about it either, OK?

And, also, Zack put his tongue in my mouth, but I don't think we did that part right, because it was a lot nicer when we just kissed lips and hugged, so do you think that you could tell me how to do that sometime?

But, actually we just spent most of the time talking about things to make people think we were doing it more than we did, and that was almost the nicest part of being back there too.

OK, so I can't really think of other stuff to tell you. And now I won't have a thing to talk about when you actually get here. :( But I guess that'll make Daddy happy, huh?

If you flap your arms while on the plane, will that make it go quicker?? :-P

HappyHAPPYhappyHAPPY HAPPYhappyHAPPYhappy HappyHAPPY happyHAPPY HAPPYhappyHAPPYhappy HAPPYhappyHAPPYhappy

Do you think she will ever, ever be better?

Your plane should almost be in Denver now. 4 HOURS!!

Oh, wait, gosh, I almost forgot!! I have a babysitting job on Friday, and it will probably be my last one for the summer, because they're going to their dad's, and then their beach house, and then camp. And I won't get money because I owe Ms Y. a bunch, but here's the important thing about it!! She's going out with Daddy to dinner! AND it is Not a group thing or anything, just the two together alone!!! ;-))

And one more thing, I think I'm going to get this swim suit, to replace that orange one I have to take back, that is a two piece but the top comes almost down to the top of the bottom part, and only a bit of tum shows, and it has ruffles at the bottom of the top and for the shoulder straps and is a real pretty blue, and I think Kaezee thought it was to kiddy-ish, but I'm only starting seventh after all so it will be cute, and that store has some broomstick dresses on sale, and I might get one that is red and blue plaid and about three sizes small and use it for a cover up. What do you think of that idea? We can go and try it at the store first, OK?

OK, so bye for now, CYL, HURRY!!

Oh, yeah, Lisa and Wendy invited me to their beach house too, and Daddy says he won't let me go, because he can't afford that much sun block!! But we will see about that, right? And maybe you can come too, if you want.

OK, bye.

Loves and Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!
Sky

PS. I'm so happy!!

>>Tuesday, May 28th (Night, five minutes later)

Hi, Mike

If you open this on the layover, could you give the 'puter to Marsha and tell her to check her mail?

It's mostly just girl stuff that you wouldn't be interested in, so don't try and look over her shoulder and like that, OK? And she can tell you all about the new house and things too.

BTW, Daddy isn't mad at all about you missing the other plane to go and help Marsha. Because he said you were actually apologizing about it, and that made him laugh that you would.

4 HOURS, Bro!!!!!!!!!! Don't forget to get all set for the cannonball when you get here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4 hours --- go sit on the wing and flap your arms, Michael. I can't wait!!!

Loves,
Sky

>>Wednesday, May 28th (afternoon)

Dear Mama,
I tried to read your letters, all three.

I wish I had not hurt you so much. I never, never wanted to, but you didn't let me do anything else and stay me.

I'm sorry you didn't like the rose I sent. I know that most of the petals were broken off, I thought that made it look sad, but still pretty.

Mama, I'd hoped that when I said in my letter I still loved you, you could find some love still too.

Because love has to be returned for the magic to work. And things become people again. Because I'm not a thing, Mama.

I only am to you, and that is because of you. And that's, maybe, what started all the bad stuff.

I had hoped the rose would help you see that I still remember the good things, and you would see that they can all fall away. And I hoped that you might want to save some of those good things still. I guess not.

See, Mama, even with all that you did and stealing the money too, I still love you. You've got lots of money still from grandpaw, and that should be OK, just not rich. And we aren't going to want you to get sent to jail still at all either, Mama.

Mama, if anything ever does change, and you want my love again or want to love me again, write me, but from now on you have to send it to Daddy's lawyer, and he will send it to a lady I know, who will read it first.

I just don't want to hear you growl and snarl and swipe and claw at me anymore anymore, Mama. I just don't ever again. So the lady will make sure that is not what any letter from you is.

Only five people have ever sent me things at this email, and I've given them all my new address. Don't bother sending things here, Mama, because I'm closing it down forever.

Goodbye, Mama
I still love you,
Sky

§ § §

EPILOGUE: In spite of that last letter, I held out hope that I'd get some more Sky letters. I hoped the account would be left open after all, and Sky would find a reason to use it; a change in the mother, or maybe just a letter from that boy at the fishing resort; or, maybe, that the gremlin that sent these letters to me was lodged in Sky's computer or IP address, rather than the email account. But it's been three months; Mike, Zack and Lisa have all been at camps or on vacations; Sky must have written someone, and the letter didn't come to me, so the gremlin must have been in the address, and now it's gone.

I guess I -- we -- will never really know what happened with Marsha that weekend, but I think we know enough.

And since she clearly breached her fiduciary responsibilities, I'm sure Sky's mother has already been removed as trustee of their trust funds, and the guardian of the life estate will be alert.

There is one thing I think Sky missed, however, one very important thing. The Beast let Belle leave once; Zachery once let Sky go; but Sky's mother never gave Sky her freedom. I hope Sky never, never thinks that the failure to break that curse was within her own heart.

I think, even with all that baggage, all that past, Sky is going to do all right, but I will never really know. I mean being who she is, how can Sky not live happily ever after? Or at least as much so, and for as long as, any of us can hope to in real life. But I confess, I believe that of many people, and it seldom works out. This time, though, it will.

Seek Joy,
Jan.

Scenes From a Kid's Life

Author:

Jan S

Audience Rating:

General Audience (pg)

Taxonomy upgrade extras:

Scenes from a Kid's Life

by Jan S

Scenes From a Kid's Life - Group 1: Peppermint, Garlic, Soup

Author:

Audience Rating:

General Audience (pg)

Publication:

Fiction

Genre:

Transgender

Character Age:

Preteen or Intermediate

TG Themes:

Sweet / Sentimental

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

Some ordinary events in the life of an unordinary child.

Scenes from a Kid’s Life

Group 1: Peppermint, Garlic, Soup

Peppermint:

As they looked through the basket of teddy bears Ally and Rocky were laughing so hard that every face the coffee bar had turned toward them and — joy being contagious — every face had a smile. I wish I could tell you what they found so funny but I don’t know what it was. I really think I should know, but I can’t figure it out.

I do know a lot about everyone in this place.

I know what kind of car the woman that just ordered the double caramel extra whip mocha and low-fat muffin drives. (Hey, don’t laugh at her, we all make choices.)

I know that, while everyone watching these two thinks they are very close and long time friends, before the last few hours at the pool, they had met only once: at a wedding over two years ago, when Ally carried a pillow with two rings on it and Rocky tried not to walk too fast or throw the flower pedals too far. That time both were too restrained, by self-consciousness and by watchful adults, to become friends.

I know the old lady in the corner doing the crossword sneaks peaks at a dictionary hidden in her purse.

I know the only people in the shop worried that the two kids might be disturbing anyone are Grace, Ally’s mother who is in her mid-forties, and Annie, Rocky’s mom who is in her early thirties. The woman sitting with their mothers is Amy, the aunt of both kids, who is about thirty. The lump under the blanket over Amy’s left shoulder is Benjamin, who is six weeks old today and is enjoying his second lunch.

Rocky is wearing a green T-shirt and has a towel wrapped around her waist that she keeps dropping (she still has her swimming suit on too). Ally has a pair of blue warm-up pants on over his trunks and has on a red knit shirt. He’s better dressed because he is on his way to visit his grandmother who is in a nursing home where she is doing well, but not recovering, after having a stroke last spring.

Ally is nine — excuse me, almost ten — years old. He isn’t really skinny but is very narrow across the shoulders and waist and he is fairly short; he isn’t aware of this last because he is one of the oldest kids in his class. His hair comes to the bottom of his ears in an August-cut; that is it hasn’t been near a pair of scissors in nearly three months. It is brown, almost light enough to be called blond, and wavy, not quite curly enough to be called curly. His eyes are hazel, so they aren’t quite any color at all (or at least they seem different colors at different times). They seem large because his eyebrows are a little darker than his hair, the lashes are long and his nose is a bit small.

Rocky is around seven months younger than Ally and is almost exactly the same height as he and weighs a bit more. Her hair almost reaches her shoulders right now (and looks like a mane) but as it dries and gets brushed it will spring up to the nape of her neck. It is more than curly enough to be called curly and just light enough to be called blond; it has just enough red in it to be called strawberry blond. Her eyes are just dark enough to be called incredible (instead of simply green) and she has just enough spots on her face to be called freckled (in spite of the gallons of sun block lathered on her in her short life).

See I know all these things, and more, but the kids are still giggling and I still have no clue what the joke is. You may think: “It isn’t important. It’s probably something no one over ten would find funny anyway; we should just enjoy the reflected happiness and move on.” You’re probably right; all the things I have mentioned may affect the story while their joke probably wouldn’t. But you’re missing the ramifications! I’m supposed to be an omniscient narrator in this story, and here — in the first sentence of the first chapter — something is hidden from me! This could be big trouble later. My science may not be so omni!

Anyway, in a minute we’re going to face a more common omniscient narrator problem. Rocky is going to say something and five people will react at once. You’re going to have to read very fast so that it will unfold in real time. Get ready for it. Please.

The guy pulling drinks called “two kid’s peppermint hot chocolates” and as Rocky and Al walked over to get them he asked “What is it you girls find so funny?”

Ally said “Nothing, Rocky is just reeeal weird” (missing the chance to tell me the joke). Rocky didn’t answer but made a sound half way between a gulp and a snort and started laughing even harder. As Rocky walked toward the table she was laughing so hard she stumbled (I thank she was exaggerating her reaction a lot), while Ally just followed becoming confused. When she got there she pretended to fall across the table and said (this isn’t where you read fast, but get set), “Know what that man said?”

Annie decided Rocky had crossed the line; she said “Rocky calm down!”

Rocky tried to and switched to a stage wisper. (Get ready), “But he called Ally a girl.”

Go! Amy gasped and thought “Oh God! Another poor little guy” — Annie held her breath and thought “No, Rocky, don’t do this to him” — Grace just close her eyes, took an audibly deep breath and her mind went blank — Ben thought “Hey” and said “Whaa” then went back to his meal (this might have been because of his mother’s reaction rather than Rocky’s statement) — Ally just thought “Oh, that’s all” but his glee ebbed some.

Rocky, not showing a great deal of perception, continued, “Could we pretend that he is one.”

“No!” jumped out of Grace’s mouth

Wait — hold on, that is not the answer I wanted. This is going to be posted on TG sites. She has to go along with it! But that is all I can get to work. I tried to make her agree but she keeps being recalcitrant. It comes out “well — that — might — be — be —,” or something like that. This character must have come with some back story; this may take a while.

“Roxanna, stop it this minute,” Annie said, firing the first barrel of the triple-barrel-name. It, along with a stare from her aunt, was enough. Rocky got quiet very quickly although she had no idea what she had done wrong.

Grace asked Ally to go get the other drinks “one at a time — please”. By the time he got back with the first one Rocky had gotten her talking to and she said “I’m very sorry.”

“’I’s ‘k” he replied and went back for the other drink. Rocky getting in trouble bothered him much more than anything else that had happened.

When he returned the second time Rocky continued “I really really didn’t mean to tease you at all at all.”

Ally closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He really didn’t feel teased at all at all. And he hated it when people didn’t take “’I’s ‘k” to mean “It is all right; no problem; don’t worry about it; how about this weather?” Grace wrapped an arm around her son and asked if he truly didn’t mind when people thought he was a girl.

Ally tilted his head way to the left, as he always did when deep in thought, sighed deeply and didn’t answer by saying, “Yeah, it happens, I don’t know why. I’m surprised Rocky thinks it’s weird. ‘Cuz of my name ‘guess.” Of course the guy at the bar hadn’t heard his name but we take our rationalizations where we can find them. He shrugged and added, “I mainly don’t like the questions all the time.”

Grace squeezed him, smiled and said, “All right, I’ll stop annoying you.”

He squeezed back to let her know he didn’t mean her! “Can we sit over there? Please?” he asked.

“You MAY,” she answered which provoked an eye-roll from Ally. His mother was an English professor and that was often a bigger problem for him than being mistaken for a girl. Ally went over to a big upholstered chair by the window and plopped into it. He was followed by Rocky who plopped on top of him.

A woman near by got up to leave and Annie said, “If they’re bothering you I’ll quiet them down.”

The woman who should have said, “I’m afraid they will catch me cheating at my puzzle,” said instead, “No, please don’t hush them. I have to run. Hearing your girls laugh has been very pleasant.”

It took a good, solid twenty-two and a half seconds before Rocky and Ally started giggling again. It took longer for the women’s conversation to restart. Soon Grace told the others, about the houses Ally built with his plastic blocks, about the “architectural model” of a house he got last Christmas and, in a whisper, she described Ally’s secret stash of toys. She smiled and tried to laugh when she told the story of the time, about three years ago, when she had had Ally’s hair cut very short; while grocery shopping with Ally in the cart, an older woman had stopped her and told her about a granddaughter who had had leukemia but was in remission after twelve years, so there was hope and she would pray for them; it had taken Grace several minutes to figure out what had happened. She thought, rightly, that the mistakes people made weren’t only based on Ally’s appearance or simply his behavior but had more to do with his bearing or something even less tangible.

Amy took a deep breathe before starting and said “When Annie and I were kids there was a boy —probably, girl — that lived near us, very sweet, gentle kid. When — she — was sixteen…”

“Wait — stop — please,” interrupted Grace, “I know this story; or at least I know one’s like it and where it is going …” “Please, God — Oh, Please, God,” she thought during a pause then continued, “He isn’t a sad child; shy — yes.” A giggle from where Ally and Rocky were having a technical discussion about Marco Polo tactics belied the shy part, so she added with half a smile, “at least until this morning.”

“Mine too,” Annie inserted, also with the best smile she could manage.

Grace plowed on “But not timid or withdrawn at all — yet. Not depressed.” After a pause she said, “But even surviving that symptom, there will be other social diseases to worry about…”

Annie jumped in, “Grace we aren’t talking about being gay but even so heteros have the same...”

“No, no, no,” Grace responded, “I know, I know, … that is not what I mean. I know the difference too. Maybe I should have said ‘sociological diseases’, I was thinking of the self-righteous and deadly homophobes — not microbes. They don’t know the difference or care. They’re my true fear.”

Although she felt she was getting too emotional for the setting she added after a second, “I use the term symptom for these children, I shouldn’t have; they don’t have — — My baby is not sick — nor is it a condition. He is simply different. Unfortunately some people find that difference a problem …Their problem … That is how it becomes critical.”

“And difference” said Annie, “is treated with acceptance.”

“And with love. Huge doses,” Grace nodded, “Acceptance, love and compassion when it becomes too much or harm has been done.”

Annie knew she should let the topic drop but had a pressing question, “Why were you so quick — and adamant — when Rocky asked if Ally could play girl?”

“Our rule,” Grace said “Larry’s and mine. We do show him acceptance. We always accept and allow — things. No one ever told him to hide his toys or ever would; not even his brothers, it would make little difference to them; but we won’t make him display them either. You know, when the fear is far away, we even enjoy and embrace — the difference but we won’t encourage or force anything. The ideas must come from him alone. We follow his lead and let him decide when and what and how far.”

Well — I said there must be some back story with Grace. We should step around that anvil now. Annie, however, insists on one more question.

After a moment she said, “OK. It’s a good rule. A wonderful one but are you sure Ally knows about it? Does he know what will be accepted?”

Grace was saved from answering by one of the counter help coming over with a broom, she started sweeping near the kids and asked them, “How can you’ll drink hot chocolate when it’s 90 degrees outside?”

Rocky said, “B’cuz its sooo goood,” stealing Ally’s argument without remorse. But he had others.

Ally tilted his head to the right, as he always did when he thought he was about to say something grownups would find precocious, and said, “You guys sell tons of coffee and mostly it’s hot,” he took a sip of his drink for effect and added, “aaah, it’s not just for snow days anymore.”

A few minuets later our group was on the way out; the kids were saying good-bye like they had know each other for six years rather than six hours and like they would be apart for three years instead of three hours. As they hugged Rocky whispered to Ally, “I wish you were a girl, b‘cuz you would make a good friend.”

Now that could have — and should have — really bothered Ally but it didn’t. He could recognize a friend when he saw one, so he became bewildered rather than anxious.

Since I don’t want him to react right now, just then the girl who had been sweeping called from the counter, “Wait girls, I’ve got something for you.” She handed them two plate sized cookies, explaining they were day-olds but still good and were what made all the workers fat. When Grace and Annie nodded approval, they took the cookies and even expressed their gratitude unprompted.

At the door both kids held it open for a man coming in and he said “Thank you, ladies.” All right, I admit it; I’m pummeling Grace with minor characters.

When they got outside they found Amy’s car doors blocked by a giant SUV with no way to get Ben to his seat (It was the low fat caramel lady’s car). Ally offered to squeeze in and back it out but Grace said, “Over my dead body.”

Ally responded, “Only if you put it behind the car.” Yes, that is way to clever for any nine-year-old, but Ally has two big brothers that give him material and Grace knew what she was doing when she fed him the straight line.

All this had given Grace time to consider and as Amy started to crawl across the seat to get to the driver’s side and Annie held Ben she decided to take Ally inside and fix his hair. (Got her! — maybe) When they got inside the ladies’ room, over Ally’s minor reluctance, she said “Lots of people would be surprised to see you go in the other room.” He didn’t respond, so she asked, “How do you really feel about all that, Honey?”

“I don’t know,” he said hiding a sniffle, “it’s OK when people aren’t mean and call me names and stuff.”

“Does that happen a lot to you, honey? At school.”

“There are jerks that do but it’s ‘K, I can’t make people like me; I can just be nice.” Grace knew her own mantra and Ally went on, “It’s better ’cuz I got good at soccer now. It’s mainly about my name.”

Grace knew many boys could be named Sue and have many fewer problems. She also thought it was lucky that he went to a private school known for its tolerance and with students from an educated upper-class in a town also believed to be tolerant. But she was aware things were much rougher than Ally let on. She didn’t want to push him, however, so she shifted the topic a little. “We could start calling you something different. T.K. and Jim both change what they were called at about your age. They gave you that name, you know.”

“Yeah, they liked Greece.” Ally knew his brothers wanted to name him after an ancient hero; he had almost become Jason Greyson; and Achilles, Odysseus, Theseus and Hercules had been seriously considered by half of his family before the more historic Alexander had been settled on. But that wasn’t what his mother had in mind.

Grace said, “Yes, but after you were born — they were four and seven, and still called Tommy and Jimmy and you’re father was, of course, Larry — they decide that every boy in their family must have a name that ended in ‘E’.” Ally snickered, he loved hearing about silly things his great big brothers did when they where small. Grace went on, “Most Alexanders are called Alex.”

“Mom! That’s silly.” he said, “There are two Alexs in my grade and two a year up and one a year behind…”

“And they are all girls,” Grace finished. “Well, I don’t think you can do it T.K.’s way. A.H. just doesn’t sound right, does it?”

Ally agreed. She had wet a comb and then combed the water through his hair and blotted it with paper towels. Now she brought out a round brush.

“How about using your middle name?”

“You know Etta on my soccer team? Her real name is Henrietta and she has Henry on her jersey.”

She didn’t think Henry had become a girl’s name yet, but she said “The girls are taking over all the names, aren’t they? There’s a girl Tommie in your grade too. What are boys called these days?”

He knew it was a rhetorical question though he didn’t know that word. “Girls do stuff then boys can’t but girls can do boy stuff,” he said.

It was a familiar lament rather than a new topic. Grace went on, “What about just Al?”

“We’re all called Al sometimes,” Ally said, meaning all the children named Alison, Alexis, Alexandra or Alexander. By now he had noticed she was taking a lot longer than usual to brush his hair, normally it was just smoothed down in five or six strokes without even a part. He decide, since his mom was going to visit her mom, she was making a big deal out of it; he would give her her rein rather than pull at his bit.

Apropos of nothing Ally asked, “Before I was born did you hope I’d be a girl?” At least Ally thought it wasn’t related to anything and he was right as far as the current topic, his self image and, even, the mistakes in the shop were concerned. It was probably due to the friendliness his mom had shown to Rocky, not that she was ever aloof with his friends but she had been extra interested in Rocky. Of course, Ally wasn’t really conscience of this feeling and couldn’t have expressed it. Grace, however, knew exactly why she took a special liking to Rocky. It was because of the special, immediate, and intense attachment her child had made with Rocky and the way he had opened up to her, he had never done that before and she knew he was discerning and careful in such things. That and Rocky’s evident attraction to Ally were all she need to be convinced that Rocky was a remarkable person.

But Grace had quite trying to follow the connections in conversations with children long ago. “Nope, not at all,” she answered.

The droop of his shoulders said Ally wanted more, so Grace said, “Before K.T. was born I had hoped for a girl, I had a boy and wanted something different. Well, I got a boy — by the time he arrived I was perfectly happy with that — but I got something totally different too. Have you ever notice how different your brothers are?”

“Oh, yeah!” Ally said and rolled his eyes for emphasis.

“Well I had noticed that before K.T. was even Ben’s size. And by the time you were on the way I had met their friends as well and knew the variety that was possible among children. I knew, boy or girl, the experience would be something new and wonderful. And was I ever right; I got something very wonderful and very special and very unique.”

Ally smiled but then the gleam of revenge entered his eyes and he said, “Mom, you modified a — a superlative!”

It was Graces turn to giggle and she said, “I did not. I modified an absolute, which is sort of the same thing.” Then she whispered, “Don’t tell anyone — I’ll lose my job.”

She had stopped brushing his hair but now added some last touches. She hadn’t really intended to do what she had done. She had gotten under his hair with a round brush and fluffed it out. This added to the wave and it now flipped a little at the ends all around. She had put a part in the middle and brushed his bangs, which could hide his eye brows, over to each side and made them curl some. Certainly boy’s had styles similar to this, flatter perhaps, not as soft looking; but she wasn’t sure she hadn’t violated The Rule.

Just as she finished Ally tilted his head to the right, a sure sign something was coming, and said, “I like the name ‘Ally’. It’s very unique.” And he meant it too.

Grace smiled, bonked him on his just brushed head and told him to look in the mirror. Trying to follow Annie’s advice and let him know what would be accepted but not lead him, she said, “If you wish to redo it the usual way, we can.”

“Nah,” Ally said, “I’s ‘K.” But he thought, “Gaa, it looks nice.” And he meant it too.

Garlic:

“Uncle Steve! Hi You’re back What you doing Can I help Is Rocky here?” Ally said before the door had finished slamming behind him.

Steve answered, also as fast as he could, “Nephew Alex! Hi, yourself Yes, I’m back Making dinner No, she went to get a movie for you to watch.”

Ally said, “What movie is she getting? What we having?”

Steve said, “Probably something with a talking donkey. Poulet aux quarante gousses d’ail. (Read that with a horrible accent. I would have used semi-italics if I knew how.)” The door closed again. Steve hollered, “Hi, beautiful!”

Grace answered, “Hi, handsome,” as she walked in with Ben.

“You’re not beautiful, you’re my sister.” Steve said as he hugged her, then asked how she was doing. He poked his son in the nose and then stared at him and tested his grip until he heard Amy come in.

“At last. The Love of My Life is finally home,” Steve said.

Amy and Steve embraced and kissed each other, he had been out of town for four days, but Amy said “I don’t think I’m the love of your life anymore. Ben has taken my place.”

“NO, no, no,” Steve said and pointed at Ben saying “Light of My Life”, then kissing Amy again said “Love of My Life. Get it straight.”

Ally had had enough of this stuff. Kneeling on a chair by the counter he said, “What do you want me to do, Uncle Steve?”

Steve said, “Ok, OK.” He carried Ally, chair and all, to the sink then put two garlic bulbs on the counter and said, “The first step in every recipe is to wash your hands, then we need forty cloves of garlic. The parts of these are cloves and your job is to count them and peel them.”

When Ally had just got his hands wet, Amy said she was going to go change Ben and Ally lost all interest in cooking.

“Can I help, please” he said.

Amy said. “Of course, that would be nice.”

But Steve objected, “What? He’s my sous-chef. You can’t have him.”

Ally over-acted dejection so Steve said, “All right, but hurry back. Make him a giraffe.”

Amy sighed; Ally glared.

So Steve added, “If you’re going to change him, change him into a giraffe.”

Grace said, “I like him the way he is.”

Ally caught on and said, “Anything but a toad, everyone always does toads.”

Amy groaned and said, “Oh god, it is genetic. I hope Benny doesn’t develop it. I’m going to change him into a clean baby, if that is OK with everyone.”

All agreed that would be fine.

As Amy, Ally and Ben left Steve asked Grace, “How was Mom?”

“In good spirits. Who knows how much of that is drugs though. She called Ally Danni the whole time.”

“There is a resemblance; you married your brother-in-law’s twin. Does he remember her?” Steve said.

“I did not, Charity did. It was before he was born but he knows the story. I don’t know if he knows the name.”

Ally and Amy reached the nursery and he held Ben’s hand, or rather he had his finger held by Ben, as the baby was undressed, wash, oiled, creamed, powdered, diapered and dressed; handing Amy each item as needed. Then he watched as Ben started his high tea and was impressed at how the baby dug right in.

When he returned to the kitchen Uncle Steve asked, “What have you done to my wife and child, young man?”

Ally explained Ben was nursing, adding, “I was a destruction.”

“A distraction, maybe?” Graced asked.

“That’s what I meant.” Ally said.

Sounding totally exasperated Steve said, “That’s all he ever does is eat and sleep; eat and sleep and cry; eat and sleep and cry and poop: Eat, sleep, cry, and poop, over and over again, day and night.” Once he saw Ally’s concern he said, “And it is the most amazing thing I have ever seen! I mean, Ally, you were a good baby and all but nothing like Ben. All YOU ever did was eat, sleep, cry and poop. But Ben! He is incredible!”

Ally was unperturbed by the comparison and asked, “Forty groves, right?”

“Groves?” Steve said, “Cloves. Yeah, forty, wash your hands first — over the other sink. Yes, again. Every time you leave the counter. And leave the water running, we have to soak the clay pot.”

As he started breaking up the heads he asked, “Isn’t forty groves a ton of garlic?”

Steve answered, “CLOves, CLoves … a ton? Nah, six or seven ounces at most, not nearly a ton.”

Ally mouthed “cloves” four or five times before he said, “Isn’t that a lot?”

“You might be surprised,” Steve said, “Garlic is a wonderful thing — it is very different when you dice it from when you cook it whole. So you have to be careful not to squish it when you peel it, OK. I could give you a chemistry lesson about it.”

Ally wouldn’t have minded the lesson but Steve continued, “You might not like it — yet. But try it — you never know. Ben doesn’t like it so I’m fixing some plain baked chicken for Amy. There will be legs for you and Rock too.”

He agreed to try one clove of roasted garlic and a bite of the chicken; he was adventurous though he didn’t think he was. It took him a second to make the connection between chicken for Amy and what Ben liked and that raised a new topic. “How did Benny learn to eat like that?” he asked.

Grace decided it was a parent question. “That is one thing that babies are born knowing how to do,” she said.

“Are there others?” Ally asked

“That is a very deep question, Ally,” Steve answered, “people have asked it for thousands of years and haven’t got close to an answer. There may be other things. But it’s not just a science question it involves philosophy and ethics too.”

Ally had not thought it was a science question. Science was what the planets were like, how caterpillars became butterflies, things like that; not what we knew or had to learned. He pondered this and then he asked, “Does he know he is a boy or does he have to learn that? There are only thirty-nine — CLoves — of garlic.”

“What! Oh No. Dinner is ruined,” Steve exclaimed. “We can’t make Poulet aux quarante gousses d’ail with only thirty-nine cloves,” he tried to say.

A worried Ally said, “Some are real big, won’t it be enough?”

Steve exaggerated a sigh and said “Maybe, but I can’t say thirty-nine in French.”

Grace said, “You can’t say forty in French either.”

Steve stuck his tongue out at Grace which cracked Ally up. “You’re sooo lucky you don’t have a big sister, they are always picking on you. Even when you’re all grown up.”

“I’ve got big brothers instead,” Ally said.

Steve shook his head saying, “Can’t be as bad. Can’t be as bad. You’re doing a very good job by the way.”

Ally wasn’t so sure about the first part of that statement but smiled about the second. He wasn’t distracted, however, and posed his question again. “How will Benny know he’s a boy?”

Grace and Steve looked at each other and Grace tried to evade the question, “Probably he doesn’t think about it yet.”

Undeterred Ally went on, “But when will he. How does he learn it?

“Well, no one will teach him the way they will teach him to read, Sweetheart.” Grace said. Although Ally did not seem upset by the topic she was anxious for him.

“Then he just knows how to act like a boy from inside.” Ally persisted.

Steve tried his hand at not answering, “No, Buddy. We learn behaviors from watching others. People who grow up in different parts of the world act differently because of what they see growing up.”

Ally was getting frustrated; he wasn’t getting answers but he persisted, “How does he know who to watch?”

“The simple answer, Ally, is that there is no simple answer,” Steve said, “There is no on-off switch. Some women like sports and are good at them, but some people think that’s a ‘man thing’; that doesn’t make them men. Right? Even if they are faster or stronger than almost any man in the world, they are still women. Some men like — Oh, cooking, even though some might call it ‘a girl thing’, it doesn’t mean they are women. So it’s not what we like or even what we are good at. None of that makes us in to one or the other?”

He let his frustration show when he asked, “I know about bodies and sex and stuff. (Well he did at the expected ten year old level.) What makes us act different?”

Grace misinterpreted the emotion, which was unusual, and said “Come here, Baby.”

She tried to sit Ally in her lap but he just stood next to her; he wanted information not comforting. And he didn’t want to be called baby either. He did, however, let her put an arm around him. He was the only one in the room that didn’t think he was talking about himself. Believe it or not, he wasn’t considering any personal ramifications; he was simply taking an interest in the universe around him; talking about Ben learning stuff.

Steve went on, “Well I don’t think that what makes us a boy or girl is totally what body we have or just about sex and stuff. How we behave or choose what behaviors we learn must, kind of, come from inside us. Scientist can tell how the brain works and that the brain of a man works differently in some ways than a woman’s. Maybe, just maybe, that is enough; that may be the thing that determines how we choose how to act and which behaviors we learn.”

“Eureka!” thought Ally. He really did; he knew about Archimedes and liked that word.

But Grace didn’t stop. She added, “But I think that might be like being strong or fast. Some men will have brains that act more like a woman’s than most women have and the other way around.”

I know. This is a story not a gender development symposium and these people aren’t experts anyway. But Ally is tenacious and this, obviously, has personal importance to him even if he doesn’t think so. This is what and how he learned. She’s almost done, I promise.

“But I think there is more, sweetheart,” Grace continued, “something deep inside us and I call it the soul, but some people may want to call it something else, and I think it is that part that determines what role makes us comfortable and that determines which behaviors we choose.

“That is what I think, Allydally, maybe it is something within our brain, maybe it is something even deeper. I don’t really know the answer. Is that OK?” she ended giving him a hug.

Ally nodded, he liked it when grown-ups said they didn’t know and then told him possible answers. It meant he didn’t have to always be sure either. He straightened up; he had leaned so far to the left during this discussion that his shoulder had hit the table. Some may think that Ally would ask about changing bodies to match the souls at this point but Ally didn’t think so. He, finally, had enough information for now.

Steve attempted to get things back on course, “We need to get busy! We gotta brown the chicken, toast your garlic and get this stuff into the oven. It has to spend two hours in there. Wash your hands again; we don’t know where your mother has been.”

Ally smiled at the idea that his mom could be a contaminant but the word “soul” had reminded him of something else. He had wanted to be alone with his mom when he asked it but the mood felt right right now. Unfortunately for us, it isn’t any lighter than the last topic.

“Who is Danni?” he asked.

Again Grace didn’t try to figure out the connection, she just hugged him again, this time because she needed it. “Grama’s first grand — child. Remember I told you that because she is sick she can remember things from long ago better than recent things sometimes. I was very proud of the way you let here call Danni and she enjoyed talking to you too.”

“She was in the car with Aunt Charity and Uncle Gary?” he asked, meaning Danni not Grama.

“Yes,” Grace said, once again amazed at the ease with which children can speak of the dead they have never meet as if they knew them well, or maybe it is just that we have a hard time talking casually about them. “Had you heard of Danni before?”

Ally shook his head and said, “I knew they had a kid.”

Grace asked, “How did you know Danni meant a girl, Honey?”

Ally sniffed and said, “When I told Grama about soccer she called me a tomboy. How old was she?” Again meaning Danni; Grace had no trouble following.

“Ten,” she said, “a little older than you are now.”

“She must have been sad,” he said, this time meaning his grandmother. He needs to work on antecedents. “A daughter and a granddaughter on the same day,” he added, “and you and Uncle Steve, too”

“Yes, Allydally, it was very very sad,” said Grace, this time taking him un-resisted into her lap to hug him.

Ally had more questions about Danni but Amy, who had come in about twelve paragraphs ago, agrees with me that it is time to lighten up. Her segue, however, didn’t have as strong an effect as she had hoped.

She addressed Steve, “Did Ally tell you about the fun he had with Rocky today?”

“No, but Grace did!” he said, also happy to lighten up, “Looks like you have a great new friend, Buddy.”

Thinking of Rocky’s friend statement he just shrugged and said, “Yeah,” as he walked back to the counter.

Grace was surprised by the lack of animation, she said, “I thought you two were crazy about each other. Didn’t you like her?”

He smiled and said, “She’s real weird.”

Concerned Amy asked, “But you liked her, right?”

Hadn’t he just answered that? Grownups could be so obtuse! “Yeah,” he said and asked Steve, “Want me to start the oven preheating?” Ally asked.

“Nope, can’t with the clay pot,” Steve, who spoke Child better than he spoke French or his wife, answered,… Wait a second; I didn’t mean he spoke his wife — I meant — never mind … rewrite that sentence at you leisure — when you’re done please diagram Ally’s last statement about his grandmother.

Steve went on, “The wood elf should be here any minute. We have to hurry so you can take care of her …”

Ally looked the question, so Steve interrupted himself, “Bet you a nickel you know she is a wood elf the second she walks in.” It wasn’t a sure bet, but it was a good one.

“She’s no good in the kitchen;” Steve went on, “must be a girl thing or a wood elf thing. Here, take a stick of this (rosemary) and two — three of these sticks (thyme) and a big sprig or three of this stuff (parsley) and tie it up with this (twine) and make a bouquet garni (badly pronounced).”

Grace said, “Could he make a bouquet garni (well pronounced, she had studied in Paris for two years) instead, please?”

Steve’s response was to stick his tongue out again. Ally and Amy both broke up this time.

Right on cue there was a knock at the back door but it opened before any possible response and Rocky charged in saying, “Ally, Ally, Mama says we can be friends.”

All the Adults were perplexed; Ally’s earlier reserve was explained and they all knew Annie was a private person; but they did not think she was that protective in that way. Ally thought any such announcement should be accompanied by a hug and jumped up.

Rocky, however, ran straight to Grace and said, “I got to ask you something!” pulling on her arm.

While this was going own Steve whispered to Ally, “You owe me a nickel, don’t you?”

Ally smiled and nodded; Rocky was wearing four shades of green and he guessed she did that a lot. “Plus her eyes,” he thought.

At the door to the mudroom she said, “Mama said to ask you first,” then she started whispering. She wasn’t very good at it, however, and the others heard, “… bead store … friendship necklace … too … can I, please.”

Even if there had been any possible way to say no, Grace wouldn’t have.

Rocky ran over and grabbed Ally and messed up his bouquet for the second time; she said, “Look what I made you; put it on; it’s for special friends; put it on.”

Ally ripped open the bag as if it didn’t have a top and just let it fall to the floor. The necklace inside was a single string of large beads; most were wood but every fifth bead alternated between gold and silver (in color at least) with two green glass jewels at the clasp. The jewels were Rocky’s signature obviously. He grabbed her around the neck more than he hugged her. His smile said, “Thank you, it’s wonderful”, but his words said, “Thanks, but I don’t have anything for you.”

Rocky treated that objection to a gift with all the respect it deserved, she said, “Put it on; see if it fits.”

So he did, with Steve’s help. “Nice bling, Ally,” Steve said, about two years too late. Then he said, “Let’s get this chicken in the oven, turn it to 350.”

Rocky said, “You’re cooking. That’s girl stuff.”

Ally said, “I like to do it.”

Steve said, “That’s sexist. Men cook better then women, all the great cooks are men.”

Amy and Grace let that go, but it took some effort. Amy said, “Al helped me with Ben too, Rocky. You won’t do that.”

“Yuck, he’s stinky. Did you really want to? Boys aren’t su’pos’ to.” Rocky said.

Ally was indignant but only in defense of Ben, “He is not!”

Annie called from the door and came in carrying a soccer ball. The first thing she did when she got to the kitchen was sit at the table with Grace for a private conversation. After a minute she called to Ally, “Hey, we got a movie for you and Rox to watch tonight. I thought you two could watch it next door, so your mama and uncle can visit, and then you could spend the night with Rocky.”

Judging by the air under his feet Ally thought that was a better idea than a banana split. Rocky, however, looked very, very concerned. She went over to Annie and put her mouth right next to her mother’s ear; but she forgot to whisper, “But, Mama, you got real mad at Blair for spending the night with a boy.”

There are well documented times when people become so happy they cry. There are also situations — usually introduce by children — that are so inherently sad that one must laugh uproariously. This was one of the latter and Annie did.

“Oh, Pumpkin. Oh, My Love, My Love.” She said, “That is so full of misunderstandings; I’m sorry babe, we need — that’s why you were so serious when you asked if Ally could be your friend — we need a long, long talk, Sweetie. But for now; most — very important: Rocky, you may have friends that are boys; you may have boyfriends; you may love boys and men, I do!; I loved your daddy and I still do and I know you do. And with special friends you may spend the night with boys — at least for the next couple of years; but, I guess you better let the mamas talk first, on that one. OK? OK, Love?”

Rocky nodded, she felt great relief slightly tinged with embarrassment, this had bothered her for two months and now she learned it shouldn’t have.

Ally asked, “Who is Blair?”

Steve opened his mouth but Annie stopped him; she wanted Rocky to answer. Rocky stared at Al; this was sometimes a tricky point and she considered absolutely everything she knew about Ally before taking the plunge. She said, “She’s my other mama,” then remembered and added, “Use to be.”

“You have two moms?” Ally asked, his head began moving to the left.

“My step-mama.”

What did that have to do with Annie? “She was married to you dad?”

In for a penny, in for a pound: “To Mama,” Rocky said. Neither of them thought about the legal or socio-political meanings of the word, neither did the adults. The word meant that two people had made a life commitment to each other; legal privileges, property rights and the other such matters were important and unfairly denied; but they were utterly trivial in the greater, truer meaning of the word; how could people who claimed greater religious insight miss that?

It took a very short time for Ally’s head to spring up straight, “Oh, that’s neat,” he said, thinking of his neighbors who had no mom.

“They’re not anymore,” Rocky said.

“Eaw, yeah,” he thought. He had had classmates and friends who had got divorced before (that’s the way he thought of it); it left him speechless; an arm around Rocky’s shoulder was the best expression he could manage; he didn’t know it was the very best expression.

Meanwhile, Annie had mentally left the room. She had told Rocky that Blair was her step-mother for four years, but she had forgotten that in the last two months — how could she have! It hadn’t been Blair’s choice of partner that had ended the relationship; she had looked past gender when choosing her partners too; she truly loved Rocky’s father; both had known that they could not make a life commitment to each other but had decided they could make a life commitment together; Rocky was the joy of both of their lives. It hadn’t been the infidelity either, that hurt a lot — more then there were words for — but the relationship might have survived it, in some form anyway. But Annie had learned things during the crisis–of hatreds and prejudices — Blair’s apologies and explanations had hurt her case more than the act — that Annie did not want in her life, or Rocky’s. But now she realized she had yanked a parent out of Rocky’s life and did not know how to deal with it. She decided she didn’t need to — couldn’t — deal with it just now and rapidly twitched her head to bring herself back. She but a dish towel to her eyes, of course her first thought on returning was of her daughter. She asked “You OK, Rock.”

Rocky nodded; she was, though she was missing Blair right now.

Annie smiled as well as she could and said, “I was thinking, I could spread out a sleeping bags and make you two a bed of the floor. Does that sound better than Amy’s couch, Ally?”

Ally demonstrated his amazing perception and decided that a joke was badly needed, “Wait, first Amy was going to make Benny a giraffe and now you’re going to make me a bed?”

Amy yelled, “I was not!”

Steve said, “Why don’t you two take the ball and go outside for a while?”

Ally objected, “We gotta do the vegetables; I know how to break the asparagus.”

Steve said, “We have an hour before we need to start on it. Go, go, go. And we will make a good team; I know how to fix the asparagus.”

Amy said, “Oh god, Grace you’re a doctor, can’t you do something to stop him.”

Grace said, “Of course, I’ll parse his sentences.”

Amy said, “Maybe you should apply irony? Except it’s probably the result of an overdose of that? Oh no, I’ve caught it.”

The kids decided that if the grownups were going to talk nonsense it was time to leave.

Soup:

“I don’t want to!”

“But that’s stupid!”

“Is not! And Leave Maggie alone!”

Annie started to get up from the couch where she had been abandoned to watch the talking donkey alone. The kids had only seen the movie four or five times each, so it wasn’t old, but they had decided the company was better than the movie and gone off to look at Rocky’s computer family.

“Ok, OK, Be a dumb creep!”

Annie moved a bit faster.

“You’re just a bossy bitch!”

“Roxanna Katherina Forde-VanGoran!” Wow, all three barrels! Rocky had used, if not the worst possible, one of the top three bad words according to Annie’s list. Still, that is quite a barrage in Rocky’s case; I’m surprised the recoil didn’t knock Annie down.

“Get in here right now! Alexander, you too!” she added, taking it easy on the guest.

Before they covered the fifteen feet to the den the kids said, “He keeps moving my furni … It was just an ide … he messed up Maggie’s h … I was fixi …”

Annie’s stare was more effective than any screamed “Shut-up” could have been; they still said, “ But … bu .. b … b …”, however. There are times to distract, times to process and times to separate the combatants. Annie had no doubt which this was.

“Grace is coming over in a few minutes,” she spoke very quietly, “I guess Ally should go back to Steve’s for the night. You two have spent enough time together for one day” It was a vicious parental attack, pitting strong desire against strong emotion. However, it had been surgically applied; with enough possibility in the voice to not bring on tears; with enough threat to obtain absolute silence and total attention. Ally touched his new beads and moved one up to his teeth. Rocky’s thumb migrated to the edge of her lips.

“I want one of you on the couch and the other in the chair in the study. (It was more playroom/computer room.) You will stay there for ten minutes with no TV or computer. Then we will see. Ally you get to pick, you’re a guest”

Ally didn’t answer but grabbed Bucephalus from off the couch where he had been left to watch the movie and carried him by one fetlock towards the study.

“If he gets his stupid horsy I get to have Sidney,” Rocky said as she stomped into her room and grabbed the green clad raccoon that wore spectacles over his mask. Well, some animals might wear glasses but this one wore spectacles. OK?

Ally silently screamed, “’Stupid horse’? — he has won battles — had cities named after him … Humph.”

“And you better leave Maggie and Sandra alone too!” Rocky sneered as they passed on the extreme opposite sides of the hall. He hadn’t intended to play with them but still thought this was unfair; Rocky was making full use of the home court advantage; he couldn’t retaliate; his toys were 700 miles away.

Once they were seated Annie went to the kitchen. She had said ten minutes and had definantly meant five minutes, but after three she decided she had punished herself enough. “You can start playing again,” she called.

They both slumped toward the hallway and each stood in the door staring at the other for an hour, or an eon, or thirty seconds. Then they both grinned: very small grins at first. Once again my omniscience fails me: I don’t know who broke first. If this were Final Jeopardy, however, I would say “Who is Rocky?”

Eventually Rocky mouthed, “Sorry,” and Ally answered, “I’m sorry.”

Rocky said, “No, I’m sorry,” her grin growing.

She was answered by, “I’m sorrier!” They both knew this routine and did it well enough for Annie to peek though the door. They jumped onto the couch and started the movie, then Rocky jumped up and ran to get Maggie and her (Maggie’s) brush.

Ally asked very, very carefully, “Can I brush her hair? Please?”

It did not take any thought at all for Rocky to hand over the doll now, but she said, “Boys aren’t su’pos’ to do that. Can I hold Bu-ceph-e-lus?”

Ally ignored the comment, passed her the horse and started to undo the doll’s braid.

Rocky asked, “Why do you call him that?” She was stroking the horse’s nose in the just right way.

“He was Alexander the Great’s horse; the greatest horse in the whole world. This is Bucephalus the forth. You can call him Busef, if you want.” Ally said, keeping his utter amazement that she didn’t know this out of his voice.

“Oh, why is he forth?”

“The second my brothers gave me when I got home from the hospital,” he said, “but when I …”

“Why were you in the hospital?” asked a very concerned Rocky.

Ally laughed, “When I was born, Silly — Mom said he got to yucky to play with so when I was five they gave me Bucephalus III — he was in a bicycle wreck and lost a leg and part of his nose.”

Rocky giggled and Ally didn’t mind, but after three years it still made him sad so he patted the newer horse’s mane. “They are on top of my bookcase. Then Jim and T.K. got me this guy,” he said. And his brothers had too: on their on initiative and with their on money and without the impetus of a special occasion. And neither of them had been involved in the wreck, either. Not your run of the mill big brothers but Ally didn’t know that; his impressions were dependant on his own experiences and they were tough on him at times. He did, however, know that it was more than a connection to his namesake that made Bucephalus so important.

A few minutes later there was a knock and Annie let Grace in; they talked in the entry a while and as they came towards the den the kids heard: “Rocky got that lesson in Spain, but that’s fine. My grandmother called it ‘making kid soup’ and would do four or five of us at once.”

“I hope he goes along with it.”

“It will speed things up too: unless it slows them way, way down.”

When she walked into the room Grace said, “Hello, Rocky; Hi, Dally; been behaving yourself?”

His usual answer to that was a perturbed “Of course,” this time he answered “Yeah … mostly.”

That and the incline of Annie’s smile gave Grace all the details she needed but Annie said, “Perfect angels … mostly.”

Grace said, “I’m glad to hear it … Mostly. We need to get both of you washed and shampooed. I came over to help with that. It’s an important day tomorrow. Annie and I have been talking and we thought — if you agree — we would throw both of you in to a big pot and let you get clean at the same time.”

Modesty was still, more or less, just a set of rules to Ally. Casual nudity was infrequent but not unheard of in his home, even involving his big brothers and, very rarely, his parents. But this was different…

“Yeah; know what?” Rocky said, “I went skinny dipping in Europe; everybody did; on the beach.”

Annie said, “I figured that when I saw the freckles on your butt.”

Rocky feigned an attempt to slap her mother: because of the mention of her dermatological situation rather than because of the mention of her butt.

This was a whole new wrinkle in Ally’s considerations; He was the Garlic-eater (he had really liked it) while Rocky only took a piece to small to see; he couldn’t be out done now; … and if all the people here were OK with it as well as everybody in Europe …

“Sure,” he said and Rocky sprinted towards the bathroom.

Annie said, “You get them started, Grace. I like to brush Rocky’s hair right after it is rinsed.”

Before Grace and Ally reached the bath Rocky was undressed, her clothes carpeting the room, and was pouring bubble bath under running water.

Grace adjusted the water temperature and Rocky stepped into the water and then jumped out and got a bucket full of naked babies and other toys from under the sink. She started launching some of these towards the tub; she hadn’t used them in years but tonight called for something special. Grace knew this didn’t bode well for speeding things along but made no objection. Just as Rocky sat in the tub Grace asked her where the washrags were, and Rocky bounce up before she could be stopped and streaked to the linen cabinet leaving a trail of water behind her.

Ally was getting undressed slowly, not out of modesty, but because he was so interested in watching Rocky. What interested him most were her excitement, which he was catching, and her total disregard of her state of dress; but there were other things too. He eventually had his clothes off and went to stand by the toilet, with his back turned squarely to the other two. Rocky called, “Hurry up, Ally,” and he shuffled across the floor keeping his thighs held tightly together. The others didn’t notice what he had done until he said, “Look, I am a girl now.” He had his genitals hidden between his legs and was surprised and embarrassed the second he had said it.

Grace reminded herself that this was something like what she had wanted and expected; she knew it had been foolish to hope for more subtlety. Rocky was more clinical, she said, “That’s dumb. You don’t have a crack there or all the important stuff that’s inside.”

Red from embracement (over his joke) Ally climbed into the tub and set down. Grace said, “It is more than that, Al,” as she started to remove his necklace.

“No,” he said.

“He’s su’pos’ to never take it off,” agreed Rocky.

“Yeah — forever and ever,” Ally added.

“OK,” Grace said, “but not in the water. You can put it back on the second you get out. It will stay nicer, and forever will be longer that way.”

Ally acquiesced.

Then Rocky asked, “Is there a way that a boy can become a girl if he wants?

“If he goes all the way over the bar on the swing set,” Ally said and both kids started giggling.

Grace had expected this question for years and had a well rehearsed answer; and now it had come from an unexpected quarter and her Ally was being silly about it. She knew she could easily duck it. But decided not to.

“Nope,” she said nonchalantly, “unless there is some kind of magic I don’t know about, and I don’t think there is — swings don’t work — then a boy can never become a girl.” She stopped and counted off her well practiced three seconds while examining Ally: curiosity only; good she was in time.

“But,” she said and paused to make sure Ally was looking right at her, “sometimes there are girls that are born in the wrong body; they just know they are because their body feels so wrong to them. And it happens to boys to; they are in a girl’s body and know it is not right.”

“It’s their souls feel comfortable doing the wrong things,” said Ally, his eyes now tightly shut under an onslaught of shampoo.

“Exactly, Allydally,” Grace said and she thought, “He digested that fast.”

It was Rocky that asked, “How does that happen,” as she flop down on her stomach in the water. She was interested but mainly she wished Ally would hurry up with his shampoo, not that he had any control over it.

“Well,” Grace said, “sometimes when the baby is developing — growing before it is born, things don’t happen like they should; they don’t always grow in just the right way. Considering all the things that have to happen just right in that time, I think it is fantastic that problems don’t happen more often. Getting the wrong kind of body is like that.”

“What other things happen,” Rocky asked.

“Sometimes minor things like the birthmark on Ally’s ankle.” Grace said.

“That’s what that is,” said Rocky grabbing Ally’s foot to take a better look at the quarter sized strawberry mark and lifting it a lot higher than needed so that he slid down into the water.

When she got Ally upright again Grace said, “Sometimes very sad things happen that make it very hard, even terrible, for the person their whole life.”

Ally said, “Hey you’ve already done it twice!”

Grace said, “This is cream rinse. It will make your hair nice and soft and it smells good. See.” She squeezed some out on to his nose then continued, “Sometimes very horrible things go wrong and the baby dies. Sometimes the doctors can fix it and make it almost perfect; sometimes they can make it easier for the person but not perfect; sometimes there is nothing they can do.”

Ally asked, “Which one is people with the wrong bodies?” Finally the questions were coming for the right place.

“Well,” Grace then answered, “They can’t move the person into a whole new body, but they can make the body something they person feels better in, a lot more like the body they feel they belong in. They change some of the chemicals inside the body and some of the outside.”

She started Ally’s last rinse and hoped no more questions would be asked, she thought this was enough for now. A question did come, but it wasn’t exactly the one she had feared or expected. She didn’t realize how taken Ally had been with seeing Amy nurse Ben.

“Can the girls then have babies and fed them?” Ally asked.

“They can’t have their own babies, Sweetie, The girl parts for that are very special, and the boy parts that help make the baby are too, the doctors can’t change one into the other. But there are babies in the world that need moms and they could adopt one of those.”

“Ah, you have to have a perfect girl body to do all the nice stuff,” Ally said.

Rocky had seen Amy nine months pregnant and coming home with Ben, it didn’t seem so nice to her. She also thought of cowboys and football players but those didn’t seem as nice to her as they had a year or so ago, she wondered why. Her musings were interrupted by Grace saying, “All done.” And then as she hung up the shower head, which was attached to a hose, back up she said, “Wash! With the soap and the wash rags! And leave the sprayer alone, you two can make a big enough mess with out it.”

So Rocky now wondered why grownups only give you good ideas when they were banning them. The two of them each washed at least one forearm before they started pouring water over each others heads, bathing dolls, making hats out of bubbles and staging major naval engagements. They each got their anatomy lesson too; un-self-consciously and unconsciously, except that one of them had to point to where the pee came out: they were simply taking an interest in the universe around them.

After they had marinated long enough for the bubbles to melt most of the dirt, Annie and Grace came in and looked for any remaining stains. Ally was removed from the tub while Rocky got her shampoo. Grace started to dry him off but he yanked the towel away. He did comply however when she sat him on the countertop and started to blow dry his hair. This was weird; those machines were only for when there was a big hurry. His hair was brushed and was softer and fuller than before. Rocky was wrapped in a towel just as Grace started to fasten Ally’s beads back on. Grace said, “I will bring your church clothes over tomorrow; I left your boxers for tonight in the entry, I’ll get them.”

But Rocky said, “Wait. Wait. I have something special for us to wear. They match. Can you wear ‘em, please?”

Annie said, “Let Ally see first, then he can decide. If he wants to wear boxers he can.”

This worried Ally but not for the reason you may think.

Grace went to get the boxers and Ally walked towards Rocky’s room the towel around his waist so that he stepped on the bottom of it. In the bedroom most of the floor was covered by an open sleeping bag with a sheet and blanket spread on top, they were fold back near the two pillows as only a mother would set up a camp. Ally climbed on to the real bed to wait because there was little room to stand.

When the others got there Rocky also climbed across the bed to get to the dresser. For some reason they both protected the bed on the floor more than the real bed. She pulled out a pair of pajamas and a nightie, both were made of the same glossy blue material printed all over with clouds. Ally was relieved; it wasn’t that he disliked green but had worried about how extreme it might get. He said, “Wow. They aren’t wood elf clothes.”

Rocky stood upright, her arms akimbo, and said, “I am not a wood elf,” angry at Steve for spreading this slander to her friend.

Ally said, in as sincere a voice as he could manage, “We know you aren’t, Rocky … It’s just you always dress like one.”

She launched on to the bed and tackled him by the shoulders. Ally cheated; he tickled her. Annie smiled as she picked Rocky up and said, “Come on, Pumpkin, let’s brush your hair in the den and let Ally make his decision or you two will never get to bed and turn into real pumpkins soon.”

Rocky but her towel back around her chest picked up her wood tined brush and slumped towards the den; her hair was curly enough to defeat cream rinse; this wasn’t her favorite thing.

Ally looked at his choices arrayed before him. Even the nightie was similar enough in form and function to the over-sized shirts he wore to bed all winter that he didn’t think of any gender ramifications. With the conservativeness of childhood and to please Rocky he took the middle course. He pulled the shorts up and allowed Grace to tie their string. She asked if he wanted to wear the top: he never wore shirts to bed in summer but both parts had been given to him and he thought, wrongly, it might be the house custom, so he said yes. Grace held an arm hole open for him but he grabbed the top — that was far enough — “I’m not a baby, you know,” he said and slipped the top on.

Grace too had had enough; he should not have said that. She said, “Oh, Yes you are!” and pulled him across her lap and tickled him, then she cradled his head in her arms and chucked his chin. “You will be my baby on your hundred and eleventeenth birthday and I will tell you not to eat your cake to fast or dangle your participles even then. And guess what, so are your brothers and I never let them forget it either.” She kissed his nose.

This was his mom at her silliest and Ally liked it (he was incredulous about that last part though). “OK, Ok,” he giggled but he didn’t try to escape.

All but six people in the world, seeing Ally, snug in his mother’s arms with his rich hair, wearing beads and shimmery PJs with lettuce hems, would have seen a girl. Grace and Larry, however, would have seen their child, contented, loved, safe, and looked no further. Jim and T.K. would have seen The Little Pest and meant only the best by it. Rocky would have seen her new bestest friend, period, and would not even have thought to ask how he had become that so fast. (Ally had asked himself about it several times and given it up as imponderable but really nice.) Ally would have seen Ally with clean hair, nothing else meant anything really.

Ally reached up and stroked his mother’s cheek, and thought this a good chance, at last, to ask the question he had been about to ask six hours before. Nothing ever slips out of this mind. “Remember Danni,” he said.

Grace twitched, embraced him a tiny bit tighter and said “Forever and ever.”

“What was she like?”

“A very sensitive, kind, brilliant, gentle, shy but friendly, joyful, little girl. A whole lot like you,” Grace replied, not really meaning to apply “girl” to him.

The only thing Ally would have objected to was little, and he almost did but decided it would be useless. “When she died…” Ally said, he didn’t like that word, “I was …” now he paused because he thought himself to mature to use the next term, but he had no other, “…in your tummy, right?”

“Yes,” Grace said, tightening her embrace again and planning her next answer, she knew where this was going.

“Do you think she — her soul could have got into you — me?”

“No I don’t, Dally. Do you know the word for that?”

“Reun-par-asion?”

“Eew, erase that!” Grace said, rubbing her knuckles across his forehead. “Reincarnation,” She pronounced it slowly, “chew it up.”

Ally spoke the word five times very slowly, moving his jaw or making smacking sounds between each time.

“Now swallow it.” Grace said.

He smiled and said “Reincarnation gulp.” They didn’t do this as much as they once had.

Grace went on, “That is another of those things that people can never know for sure, and people think different things about it. It is a nice thought, that we might meet a lost friend again, but I believe, have faith in, something else. You know I’m going to become a Godmother tomorrow, right. Do you know what that means?”

“That you can have people rubbed out?” he giggled.

“Noooo,” she said, “not that kind of godparent, the real kind. It means I will speak for Benjamin when he is baptized and that means I promise to help him grow into a good person and tell him of my faith and that I will always care about him. And the most important part of that faith, as I see it, is that we go to heaven if we have done our best in life and cared about God. That also means we are, each and everyone, a special and unique person. You don’t have to be a new Danni to be a very precious, extremely special and most unique person, Allydally.”

He pondered for a while then smiled and said, “You modified an absolute — again.”

She returned the smile and said, “I know I did. And with a superlative, too! Every once in a while, I guess, we can break some rules — of course nothing parents or teachers tell you not to do.”

“Of course, Haha.” He said and twirled the mustache that he didn’t have. He had a well developed moral sense and knew the difference between rules and Rules, as she knew.

“I guess,” she continued, “we can break some rules because it feels more comfortable in the situation. And I feel comfortable describing you with a superlative and an absolute because you’re absolutely superlative.”

Ally couldn’t follow that — would have to get back to it later — but thought it called for a hug and he held on to Grace until she said, “Let’s go see what Rocky and Annie have gotten up to.”

They reached the den just as the movie reached the fake bloopers part and Rocky’s hair got its last stroke. Ally threw the nightie on Rocky and himself on the couch. Rocky pulled the nightie away from Annie and glared at her for trying to dress her. Once the movie ended Grace said good night to all and gave Ally a goodnight kiss and a giant hug, Ally was only slightly embarrassed that Rocky had witnessed that. As soon as Grace got out the door, Annie said, “Mush, Mush, to bed hurry! It’s almost midnight!” In truth it was only 10:17, but parental exaggerations in such situations are permitted buy established tradition. When they reached Rocky’s room, Ally crawled into the bed on the floor as Annie gave Rocky a goodnight kiss and a giant hug, Rocky was only slightly embarrassed that Ally had witnessed that. Then Annie tucked them both in, fluffed the pillows and smoothed out the covers to a state that would be impossible to maintain.

Just as she reached for the light Ally yelled, “Bucephalus,” threw off the covers and dashed to the den. Then Rocky yelled, “Sidney,” and followed him. On the way back Rocky said, “Boys aren’t su’pos’ to sleep with stuffed animals.” Who starts these rumors? And who said Bucephalus was a stuffed animal? But that is what Rocky said; Ally didn’t respond.

Back in Rocky’s room, Annie, admitting her mistake to herself, patiently went through her ministrations again. This time she got the light off and as she closed the door she said, “’Night. Sleep tight. Don’t bite the bed bugs.”

Simultaneously Rocky from training and Ally in reaction said, “Yuck.” This, of course, meant they had to lock pinkies and giggle. But both were happy to be in bed and both meant to go right to sleep, so they rolled on to their sides with their backs to each other.

After a couple of seconds Ally whispered, “Do you always sleep on that side?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Rocky replied and so they climbed over, under and through each other to trade sides. Then they had to do it again to retrieve their totems. Once they were settled again they both intended to go right to sleep again. But then Rocky thought of a really important question. “How do you make Ben into a giraffe?” she asked and soon they were laughing again.

Annie called, “That’s strike two; one more time and one of you will have to sleep in here.”

That was unfair! Rocky hollered back, “When was strike one?”

“When you two were changing sides,” was the response. How do mothers do that?

They both said, “Shhh” at the same time but were too worried to lock pinkies again. Instead they each put an arm over the other. Rocky’s eyes closed and the tip of her thumb went just inside her lips. This was too much for Ally. He stretched out his neck and kissed Rocky right between the eyes.

Rocky giggled silently and almost only mouthed, “Boys aren’t su’pos’ to do that.”

Ally pulled his arm back and said, “Shut up, I don’t care what boys are suppose’ to do.”

Rocky lean over and kissed his cheek and said, “You shut up, I don’t care either.” She was only just pointing it out, gee. But she never said anything like that to Ally again, not ever.

Ally slowly put his arm back across her shoulder and Rocky breathed again.

Ally’s eyelids finally floated downward; he had a lot of things he wanted to think about tonight and he began with, “If I …”

All right, this sentence is going to contain a grammatical error but it is what Ally thought and I have left it alone. I don’t think any child at the age of almost ten, even Ally with Ally’s mother, would understand the subjunctive. But even if Ally did know the rule I don’t believe he would want to admit this sentence contains a condition contrary to fact. Nor would he want to use the simple present in this sentence. So, as in may other things, Ally is locked into something that some consider wrong because it is the thing he feels comfortable with.

… and he began with, “If I was a girl, I would …” That was as far as he got; there were too many possible clauses for him to pick from.

He slept.

He dreamed.

Notes:

Readers, Please Remember to Leave a Comment

Scenes From a Kid's Life - Group 2: Crystal, Leaves, Ribbon

Author:

Jan S

Audience Rating:

Younger Audience (g/y)

Publication:

Serial Chapter

Genre:

Transgender

Character Age:

Preteen or Intermediate

TG Themes:

Sweet / Sentimental

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

Some ordinary events in the life of an unordinary child.

I should probably say more but I don't know a better description.

Scenes from a Kid's Life

Group 2: Crystal, Leaves, Ribbon
Copyright © 2006 by Jan S

Crystal:
Ally was bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet so fast that the head of the black horse, carried lamb-style around his neck, kept hitting his arm. This was exciting — he was being included!

T.K. yelled “Don’t give him any clues!”

Jim was getting annoyed with his other little brother, “Come out and listen. I’m going to use the same words I said to you! But he won’t laugh at them.”

Ally was rubbing one of the beads from the string around his neck against his teeth. He was nervous — he had no idea what was happening.

T.K. squeezed through a crack he opened in the door and Jim said, “Al, today Dr. Harte subbed for Mlle. Coen and he gave us some thought problems instead of having class. He had this one set up in screened off parts of the Commons so we could each do it alone.”

Ally knew what that meant: the Physics-Calculus teacher had babysat a bunch of almost grownups in advanced French. The Commons is what the big kids called their lunchroom. He had heard Mrs. Garcia talking to Sra. McNealy and didn't think he would have gotten a free period but he knew things were different in the big building. He bit down on the bead.

Jim went on, “Dr. Harte couldn’t afford to buy a whole bunch of glasses to use and Mom wouldn’t let me use our good glasses either, so when you see the plastic cups remember they are really very fragile and very expensive crystal. OK? And you can’t touch them: no physical contact at all.

“There is a diamond sitting on the table, it looks like a wadded up piece of paper but it is a diamond. Your task is, simply, to pick up the diamond. Give me your steed so T.K. doesn’t think Busef told you the answer. You only have three minutes; I'll set the timer then call you in,”

If, somehow, you have gotten the impression you've entered some kind of television land forget about it. T.K. isn't a petulant Wally and Ally's world isn't the Beaver's. Usually by this time of night all these people would be in separate rooms, each with one or two screens turned on in front of them. Most parental contact around here takes place while a parent is driving someone somewhere and Grace and Larry both see Jim's new driver's license as a serious threat to family unity. They do have a rule that they sit down, with the TV off, and have dinner together twice a week, but sometimes that means eating at 5:30 and scarffing down the food. Ally's still young enough that both parents try to spend time in the same room as him most nights, at least watching a show or something, but Jim and T.K. no longer take part even in that since compulsion doesn't lead to anything that one can pretend is quality time. Tonight is a rare occurrence then; born of Jim's hope of stumping his parents. If you were looking for a way to get this family all in one room, however, this would be one of your better bets.

Jim turned Ally around before he opened the door. He asked “Did I do it fairly, T.K.?”

T.K. didn’t bother to answer.

When he was called, Ally pushed the door open and walked in with his eyes tightly closed.

T.K. said, “Oh, the little dummy. There is no way he will ever get it?”

Grace almost began to root for Ally. But only almost; she recognized the anxiety that caused T.K.'s behavior.

Larry grinned and kept assembling the casserole that would be tomorrow's and Friday’s dinner; he had no doubt what was going to happen and thought T.K. deserved it and might learn from it too.

Jim said with the patience he had only learned recently, “You can open your eyes, Ally, times ticking.”

Ally opened his eyes. He saw a large cone of plastic cups built on the breakfast table with a wad of paper in the very middle. There was a single chopstick sitting on a counter.

Ally smiled; he picked up the chop stick; he bashed the cups to all parts of the room until none were left on the table; he reached over and picked up the diamond. He turned around and stated to say "Is that all?" but decided he didn't need to.

Jim gaped at Ally — Larry chuckled and said, “Brilliant” — Ally started to dance — T.K. said “Ha! Told you, he didn’t even listen.” — Grace laughed and said “Of course, we showed Alexander the Great the Gordian Knot!” (She immediately regretted the ‘the Great’ part.)

Ally was jumping up and down and throwing in a few spins as well, he said, "Na-a, I didn't think of the story."

T.K. yelled, “But that can’t be right. You said you can’t touch the cups and they were fragile and he would have broken them all!”

Jim hadn’t perfected patience yet so he sounded a bit condescending, “T.K., you noticed the stick too and he can buy new glasses when he sells the diamond.”

T. K. burst, I thought he already had but he did now, "So everyone got it but idiot, dummy Tommy. Of course, cutie-pie, sweetie, precious little Ally the Great got it; he's brilliant, not like the stupid screw-up me." Then he started to storm out of the room."

Ally crashed, not physically, just emotionally. It wasn't the words that hurt so much; he knew the difference between words as tears and words as spears; sometimes he had to remind himself to look for the difference but, at least with his brothers, he could tell. What hurt much more was that he had hurt his brother, he would never mean to do that. Also there were second collision injuries: the emotional whiplash was horrible.

Ally ran towards a different door.

Larry grabbed his youngest and picked him up as he called to his middle child, "Get back here now, T. K."

T. K. shuffled back into the room; his steps implied remorse but his face still showed anger.

As soon as the door opened Grace started, "How dare you hurt others because of your frustration. Ally did nothing to you!"

T. K. said, "I didn't hurt him..."

"What?" Grace interrupted, "Sticks and stones can break one's bones/..."

T. K. thought, "Oh no, The Poem." He was sure he had heard this before he was born.

"...but doctors can soon mend them/ words can hurt over and over again/ who know when one will forget them."

Oy; an English professor who rhymes them with them? — Well, I guess it isn't really supposed to be literature.

"Or were you going to argue sarcasm doesn't count?" Grace asked.

T. K. just shrugged. He hadn't planed to argue for a literal interpretation or a lack of physical harm. He really planed to argue lack of intent but The Poem had given him time to realize it wouldn't work: his words had been reckless where Grace saw a very high duty of care.

Larry jumped carefully into the pause, "Grace, let me go first, I'm less angry."

Grace stared at him. She agreed with the count to ten philosophy and learning to take turns instructing children was one of the things that had saved their marriage the second time it needed saving.

Larry assured her, "I'm not letting him off. I recognize his crime."

Grace asked, "Both of them?"

That took Larry almost two seconds but he said, "Yes." Then he added, "I have no idea what to do about the second though," so she would know he did know.

Larry turned to T. K. and said, "Calm down and let's analyze this puzzle."

T.K. leaned back against the wall, put his hands in his pockets and looked somewhere in the direction of his father's knees. Everyone knew that was the best indication of listening they were going to get.

Actually, at most times Larry's words would have gotten a smile from Grace; five thousand times (without exaggeration) she had thought that the people who called psychiatrist annalist should spend some time around engineers. After a few years of marriage she had met enough engineers to know that with some their analysis, and with a few their vocalizations, didn't extend beyond numbers and names of esoteric symbols. She realized she had picked one of the most verbal of the breed.

Larry, of course, had analyzed this before he had asked Grace to marry him (or rather before he realized it was too late to ask and she had already accepted). He had concluded that it wasn't the dimples she still retained or her funny navel or even the interesting things she was still willing to do with the lights out that he loved; he was certain he had met his perfect compliment: the most analytical of all possible word-persons. Even after over two decades of marriage (and learning what literary criticism actually was) he was still sure he had come very close.

Ally was still sitting on Larry's hip and tried to get down. The tension was unpleasant: he didn't like watching people getting punished; and he hated being seen by his brothers when he was this upset. Larry said, "Wait, puddin', I want you to hear this too".

T.K. said, "Of course, make him hear why T.K. is the idiot of the family. What difference does it make?"

"Just stop, T.K.," Larry said, "before I get as mad as your mother. This wasn't an intelligence test."

Grace knew she had surrendered her turn but had to object, "And no one but you has ever said or thought you were stupid."

"Oh yeah! Why wouldn't you even let me try to get into that Young and Talented Summer thing Jim goes to?" T.K. said, trying to garner some sympathy or, better yet, change the subject.

"T.K.!" Grace said with an apologetic shrug to Larry, she hadn't meant to take over, "it's not that we didn't let you: we didn't make you. You should see those tests with some of the twelve and thirteen year olds cramming like it's doctoral comps just to go to camp. I wouldn't put you through that but you would have had to prepare a little. If you had wanted it and been serious about it I know there is no way you wouldn't have gotten in but it would have been useless if you didn't want it." Grace knew T.K. already had too many options for next summer; wilderness, wrestling and drama camps vied for his three weeks' commitment; she called his bluff, "There is still time for next year. Do you, truly, want to go to nerd camp?"

Jim said, "Hey!"

Grace said, "Sorry, Jim."

"No, that's OK. I just didn't know you knew its real name," Jim said.

Larry almost laughed but hid it by saying, "Don't distract your mother when she is yelling at your brother."

Ally turned his head towards the others for the first time but kept his face partially hidden in Larry's shoulder. "She's not yelling very loud," he said, "I've heard her do lots better."

T.K. noticed the small crack in the pressure cooker opened by his brothers. He proved Grace's point by applying a lever to it, "At least she isn't talking real soft and quiet. That scares the sh- sh- geewillerkers out of me."

Ahh, the lid was off. Larry chuckled, Jim laughed, Ally giggled and Grace smiled. She couldn't help it having been called on her best and most earnest tactic.

While Grace searched for her mood Larry took over again.

Ally stretched out perpendicular to his father and a perceptive Jim passed him Bucephalus. He laid the horse over his father's shoulder and laid his head on the horse, only partly because it was to his left.

Larry said, "I examined every inch of the structure. This is what I do and what I teach others to do, T.K., but it is axiomatic: there is always one sure way in. So I knocked part of it down; not as dramatically as Ally did, I just took down what I had to."

Ally blushed; he had deliberately 'broken' every glass and enjoyed doing it.

"Jim told me he just stared at the thing until the fifteen seconds warning and then knocked it down. Maybe he was breaking the puzzle in frustration or maybe it was an insight born of frustration."

"A little of both," Jim said, then to be totally honest added, "I hope."

Recently, as he began filling out college applications, Jim had announced he had always wanted to be a "doctor". This was a huge surprise to his parents. When he was five Jim was going to build a platform above the rainforest canopy so he could be an astronomer at night and a herpetologist by day. Since then he had always had an attachment to one natural science after another (except at T.K.'s age, when it had been philosophy and theology). But his parents, watching his interest rather than his fascinations, had always believed that Jim would wind up either as an historian or a cultural anthropologist if he were doomed to an academic life (which seemed likely). They took their earnest son's sincere declaration seriously, however, and admitted it had a different quality from his previous pursuits. (Neither had even pointed out to Jim that both his parents had Ph.D.'s, that there were several more such persons on his street as well as uncounted J.D.'s and a D.D.; so "doctor" didn't necessarily narrow things down much. That was difficult because both view prevarication as high humor. They did, however, make a bet on who would learn what specialty he had in mind first; he seemed determined to keep that a secret.)

"Maybe, but maybe it was the third possibility," Larry said "T.K., I think that what happened was that Jim faced the possibility of having no answer; the one thing that scares him more than having the wrong answer. Once he didn't care if it was right or not, he could then knock over the glasses.

"Your mother did it differently. I didn't know how she found the answer until she said what she did about Ally. She found it in a story, of course. I think if her review of literature had somehow failed her she may still have figured it out but when you have read a million books they can give you a few answers."

Grace wondered if she could have solved it some other way but she felt compelled, as always, to object to the hyperbole. "I don't think I've read nearly that many."

Ally said — remember Ally; this is a story about Ally; he's still being held by Larry, "Yeah, she's only read..." he drew some numbers in the air, "73,365, one for each day of her life," and giggled; a very small giggle (the tension hadn't vanished completely).

"What?" Grace said, "That would make me a hundred and ..."

"It would be seven weeks exactly before your two hundred and first birthday," T.K. said with out looking up, "there would have been forty-nine leap years, he didn't add those in."

Grace and Larry both laughed at "idiot Tommy." T.K. had no idea why.

"Then it was your turn, T.K. You spent the entire time pacing around, and hitting the table with the stick. And you asked Jim about the rules over and over. T.K., you were willing to argue the rules but you were the one making the rules. That is what this test is about. In spite of the seventeen black shirts you own and the seventeen holes you want to drill in your face, you are the one who builds many of the walls you resent. And all the black and red and studs and rings just represent another set of rules you're willing to adopt.

Seventeen was probably an accurate number for the black shirts but ten would have been closer to the number of piercings T.K. would have liked and, to be totally fair, it was only three or four days a week he wanted them. The rest of the time he wanted to get ten varsity letters. He wasn't sure why the two were mutually exclusive but after a month of high school he knew they were.

"I thought Ally would do this but was surprised at how fast. Very early, much earlier than any little person should — ow..." Ally thought he was required and expected to make a demonstration any time he was referred to as little so he had bopped his father on the head. "... young person should have to, Ally learned to examine situations and adjust to them or, sometimes, just stay quite and unnoticed."

T.K. said, "You mean because he is so..."

"Because he is so energetic," Jim said, preserving the taboo, "but doesn't like being the center of attention."

"The point is, T.K.," Larry said, "Ally knows, and I hope he never forgets, to look for the walls to the boxes. Sometimes he accepts them and keeps himself to himself; I wish he never had to be in those places but he does. Sometimes he knows it is OK to be who he is. He might stay in the background sometimes but he doesn't deny, or even really hide, who he is or try to be something else. And he knows he can find places where he will be accepted. He always fills the box to the best of his ability.

You always see boxes and try to break them down before you know how big they are and if you can't break them you try to mold yourself to them. But there are place where you can be less confined with less fight too."

Ally had no idea what these people were talking about. He didn't think he was energetic and knew nothing about any boxes. There were places with friends where he could be happy and there were places without friends where he was quiet; some so bad he didn't want to move, but that didn't mean he was sad in those places. And there were in between places too, like school.

Larry sat Ally on the counter so he could wrap up his casserole, "Now your mother's going to pass sentence; let's get out of here, Pud. Jim, you get to pick up the cups"

Ally said, "I'll help Jim and I'm pots 'n pans."

"OK, come see me before bed, Kid," Larry said and left.

Grace said, "All right, T.K. — no TV; Video games; phone; computer, even for homework, you'll be too tempted to chat; — nothing with an on switch unless it is in the kitchen for 24 hours for each of my children you insulted. You start when you get home Friday afternoon. You'll be done Sunday."

"But I didn't say anything about Jim!" T.K. said.

"I have three children, T.K.," Grace said, "it may not make sense to punish you for punishing yourself but I have to get you attention somehow. It hurts me too much to ignore it any longer. There are other ways to deal with those feelings, Honey."

"But ..." T.K. wasn't paying any attention to his mother's reasons or sentiments and started to point out that he was going to Carl's house Saturday night to hang out (not a sleep over, certainly not a slumber party, just hang out all night like real grownups do) but he realized that Grace knew that, so instead he said, "Soccer game Saturday?"

Grace said, "I'm punishing you not the team, you can fulfill your obligations even if they are fun ones."

T.K. tried to find a way to make Carl's house into an obligation.

Jim left to put the cups away. Ally walked over hugging Bucephalus and staring at the floor. "Mom," he said, he was old enough to know adults weren't always right but was a long way from old enough to enjoy pointing it out to them, "T.K. didn't hurt me."

"Why were you so upset then, Sweetie?" She knew Ally the Defender well.

"'Cuz I'd hurt him."

She stared at her child. She had felt the same emotion and knew that she couldn't punish T.K. without punishing Ally's compassion more. "I'm going to let T.K. off, Ally, but," she got down on a knee and held Ally's chin to look him in the eye, "I'm giving you a new rule until you are about as big as Jim. In a game with younger children it is OK to let them win or if you are way ahead in a soccer game and your team stops trying to score that is OK. But, Ally, I don't want you to ever, ever not try to do your best just to save someone's feelings, especially if they are older than you or if you don't know how well you can do. Your responsibilities do not extend that far, Allydally. Do you understand?"

Ally nodded. He thought this would be the hardest rule he had ever heard of.

Grace said, "Ally, even though you care about others, you have a right to feel good about doing well, maybe more so because you care so much. It will be hard sometimes but I want you to do it. T.K., you are off for one day."

T.K. stared at his sibling but addressed his mother, "Carl's Saturday night?"

"You can leave twenty-four hours after you get home Friday and not a second earlier. Also you will do Ally's chores for the rest of the week but do it out of gratitude not as a punishment, start with pots and pans tonight. Ally, come on you should take a bath tonight."

"I don't mind doing 'em. Honest," Ally said.

Grace smiled and said, "I won't punish you by not letting you help, Honey, but the jobs are T.K.'s. Hurry though it is getting late and you taking a bath." She left to read her 73,366th book.

Pot and pans wasn't a big chore; the dinner dishes had been done and only the things used on future meals were left. Ally took the first pan and put it in the dishwasher. T.K. was disappointed to see the machine was almost empty; he liked this job when it was a spatial-relations challenge.

T.K. was still watching Ally. Ally said, "T.K.?" but got no response so he went on, "I think you're real smart."

T.K. grinned and said "You're my number one fan," and grabbed a pot.

Ally returned the grin; it's nice to be appreciated. He wanted to give T.K. a hug, or even a kiss, but that, of course, was one of those walls that he was an expert at recognizing but knew nothing about.

T.K. continued thinking about Ally: he was sweet, cute, brilliant, precious. How in Holy Bloody Hell was he supposed to deal with that?

*******

Leaves:
Ally had just finished arranging his leaves: the reddest ones on the very ends, the yellowest ones in the very middle with the ones with both colors in between. Leah had taken a different approach, alternating red with yellow and a half and half right in the center. "That's pretty," Ally said.

"Thanks, so are yours," Leah smiled.

There was a simultaneous roar and groan from behind them and Etta said, "Did you see that? That Jacob kid tried to tackle with his feet, didn't reach for the ball or cut off the angle or nothin' and Becky stood there picking her nose like a fat blob."

Ally looked over. Becky wasn't picking her nose and the new coach told her to just stand in the goal. (She was an unfortunately large child and the coach, her parents and even Becky seemed to think this was a great use of her skills. She was the only girl that got to play the whole game.) But Etta could be cruel when she was frustrated. Last year she had been the Dragons second-half goalie and had only given up two goals in the last three games of the season; those were to her best friend's team that had been down 6-0 and their old coach had never mentioned them. In fact, that score had been a bad mistake; they had always stopped trying to score when up by five. Coach Edwards said he wanted to be the first team to score ten this year. So far the Dragons hadn't scored in two and almost one half games and had given up nine goals now, two today.

Etta said, "Ally, why don't you get the ball and take off with it today?"

Ally sighed, Leah said, "We're going to be fullbacks again." Last year's coach had tried to let everyone play up front for part of every game.

Etta kicked the ground.

T.K., Carl and Gail walked over from another field and T.K. said "I got a goal, Ally."

Ally was still kneeling but stretched his arm way up to give a high-five.

Carl, who played for the other team, said, "But we creamed 'em anyway."

"It was three to two and you only got those because Gail kept giving you the ball." T.K. said.

Gail laughed and said, "I had to; the commissioner was there and she knows I know you." Gail was too old for this league and was an assistant referee.

T.K. had been selected by his dream team, the Wizards; they weren't very good so even as a first year he was one of the better players but more importantly he got to wear almost solid black (even the socks) with some red stripes and a red lightning bolt 'W' on the jersey.

Gail asked, "How are the Purple People Eaters doing? Why aren't you watching the game?"

Ally, Leah and Etta had on purple jerseys and shorts with yellow stripes and green letters. Gail was allowed to tease because she had helped coach them last year when her little sister, Jenny, had been on the team.

Etta said, "We stink."

Ally said, "Coach Edwards makes us sit by the tree 'til half time."

"Gail, look how they run around and don't pass," Etta said, "Tell Ally and Leah to help me take the ball up the sideline. Bet it'd work."

Ally said, "He'd scream at us."

Etta said, "Gonna quit this stupid team, even at practice he only lets the boys do anything and we never scrimmage. Gail come back and coach us, Pleeease. (She really knew Gail was only sixteen and couldn't be a real coach.) Leah, will you help me?"

Leah nodded but Ally said, "We're suppose' to stay on the line 'til the ball gets past."

Last spring Ally had stayed with Gail and Jenny every afternoon after school. Gail liked Ally and she liked the babysitting money and she kind of liked Jenny but she loved soccer. She had played on the varsity team as a freshman. She made Ally run up and down the block and taught him to pump his arms and lean into the run. Then she had made them dribble the soccer ball up and down the street. They hadn't had room to work on passes but Ally and Jenny had become fast and very good ball handlers. Ally had just started to hate it when his old coach noticed and praised him. Then he got the ball around T.K. and T.K. had been both mad and happy enough for Ally to know it had been for real. He had dared to play at recess for the first time after that and had begun to love the game. He still did but this was no fun anymore.

Gail said, "Ally, if they run around like that the whole game they will get tired. If you're fresh you might out run them."

Ally just shook his head; he wanted to but he didn't want to.

"Ally, the girls want to," T.K. said, "why won't you? Why are you so afraid?"

Ally looked down at his leaves.

Gail said, "Shut Up, T.K.!"

The whistle blew and Etta and Leah went off to get the juice and orange slices that were theirs by right but Ally stayed and he wasn't crying.

He stood up and kicked his leaves (but not Leah's). He was thinking of all the times that people called him names and acted like because he liked some things that girls liked sometimes and liked to play with girls sometimes he was real prissy and scared of everything and cried all the time and things like that and that they were wrong because he wasn't like that at all and he did lots of stuff just like a regular girl would do and boys too but now he was scared to do what Etta wanted and now he did even want to cry and everyone knew boys didn't. And he still wasn't crying.

So it may have seemed like a non sequitur to the others but it didn't to Ally when he said, "I'm not a sissy; that means a scaredy-cat and a cry-baby and won't get dirty and play hard and stuff and you're just an — an — an — asshole." Then he very slowly followed the other Dragons and he still wasn't crying.

T.K. hadn't really meant to hurt Ally, he was just thoughtless sometimes — often, but now he tried to defend himself and said, "I was just trying to make him braver. It's embarrassing; people get on me about it."

Gail glared at T.K., she was getting unbelievably mad. She said, "Who care's if you're embarrassed. It ain't about you, Buster. Maybe if you were brave enough your 'friends' would shut up!" Her glare now took in Carl, so he quickly agreed with her.

"You're as bad as anyone, always ragging me about it," T.K. said.

"So, I'm a jerk. What's new? He isn't my brother. When Greg said something about Zack's R problem I nearly threw him out the window." (Zack was Carl's little brother. His R problem was he never said any.)

"OK," T.K. said, "You ever do it again I'll cream you." And T.K. did mean it.

"It's about time," Carl said.

"It's way too late," Gail said, "what if Ally were your sister, T.K., would you still treat him like that?" Jim and T.K. had always been among the best at treating her the way she wanted to be treated which made T.K.'s problems with Ally that much worse.

T.K. said, "You act like I don't care about him and that's just wrong! It was the girls' idea."

"Maybe it's worse for him, what would happen to the girls if the coach got mad?" Carl asked.

"See! Even Carl gets it," Gail said, meaning nothing against Carl, "Get a clue, T.K., or do you think you should call him all the names first and toughen him up? He's already tougher than you by a long ways."

T.K. walked off towards the end of the field. Who had declared it Bash T.K. Week anyway? You know, what he said was not that horrible and he would have had to be much more perceptive than he could be expected to be to know how bad his timing was. He wasn't any where close to a bully; he was short, slight and fair, like all the males in his family and had been the target of many bullies; he worried about Ally a lot. He walked over and kicked the back pole of the goal five times; he walked to the far side of the field: he came back and kicked the pole three more times; he walked to the corner flag and knocked it over a few times to watch it spring back up.

Ally had gone and leaned against Larry all during the half time. Larry assumed he was upset about the team because that had been the topic among the parents during the first half and he was, I guess, partially right. He also knew T.K. was upset about something but didn't think the two were necessarily connected and he was, I guess, partially right. Larry tried to cheer Ally up by telling him lots of the people watching knew how good he was and to play hard and try to have a good time.

As soon as Ally got on the field T.K. called him over and said, "I did not mean you were any of those things you said, Al. I know you a lot better than that. I just want you to do your very best. Remember that rule Mom gave you the other night. It isn't just for family, you know." Ally nodded, he had no idea what that rule had to do with this situation.

Coach Edwards yelled, "Greyson get on the field or quit the team. You girls stay back there. Boys, get to the ball don't let them even kick it! Pursuit! Pursuit! Let's go! Make some noise out there. Let's go! Joe, I want to see you at the front the whole time, Boy."

For most of the next twenty minutes the soccer ball went all around the middle of the field. Where ever it went six Dragons chased it. The other team had begun with fullbacks and midfielders and forwards but as soon as the ball got near any of them they joined the pack and soon all but their sweeper was chasing all around too.

After a while Ally forgot about the discussions with T.K. and Etta and whether or not this had anything to do with what his mom had said. The ball got into the penalty area about five times, so Ally got to play then but once the ball was back near the center line he dutifully returned to his spot. Most of the time Ally spent thinking about getting feelings hurt and how sometimes with the people that you would think that would be hardest it was the easiest, and about how the leaves changed colors and how now there were only a few but soon there would be zillions and that he wished he hadn't messed his up, and he wondered what would happen if he was a witch this year even if he was a real ugly, scary one.

Then the ball and the herd came up the sideline on Leah's side. She dashed out and kicked the ball, a great kick, clear across the field. It rolled almost to a stop between Ally and the center mark. Ally charged to the ball and looked up field; there was nothing in front of him; the goalie and the sweeper were standing talking inside the goal. He took off. He thought he was dribbling as fast as he ever had. As he entered the penalty area he heard Etta holler "here" the way she had been taught last year, but that was just to tell him she was close; he didn't need her yet. Then he heard Leah, further off but ahead of the pack. When he entered the goal area the sweeper finally challenged him and he tapped the ball over to Etta. She tried to make a one touch shot and slammed the ball at the goal. The goalie made a fantastic dive but the ball bounced off his stomach. Leah was there to get it and pushed it towards the middle. Ally got to it just before the sweeper and walked it into the goal. The Dragons went wild!

At least twenty or thirty Dragons patted his back or tried to pick him up as he went back up the field.

The referee gave the Dragons three tries to do a good kick-off and the coach told them to kick it up field like in American football. As soon as the ball got back to midfield the final whistle blew. The Dragons had lost 2-1 and were ecstatic.

The coach called everyone over; they all thought he was going to tell them they had done well. The first thing he said was, "That goal shouldn't have counted and I want have players who don't listen on my team. Golden, Yo and Greyson you're suspended for the next five games (they only played eight in the fall season) and you don't need to come to practice either."

Etta who had talked most about quitting was the first to start crying. "What for? What was wrong with the goal?"

"Because you were all in the goalies box and you were offsides and the ref's just gave it to you to be nice but I won't take pity goals. And I won't have disobedient brats who give me back talk on my team," Coach Edwards said.

Mrs. Yo grabbed Etta. She said, "You as..." but stopped herself and just pulled Etta away.

T.K. shouted, "There was nothing wrong with that goal. What are you talking about?"

Coach Edwards said, "Get the hell off my pitch. You don't belong here."

Larry put the car keys into Ally's hand and told him to go to the car. Then he said very calmly, "Coach, I think we should talk about this quietly and privately."

Ally walked about five steps away. He didn't want to be a disobedient brat and he was scared and the fear was here but the zone of safety emitted by his father was here too and his Dad might need him, so that was as far as he got. He stood and watched, biting down on one of his beads.

Edwards yelled, "Greyson, I am talking quietly, you're the people shouting. I'm the coach of this damn team and I'm going to let the boys who will be playing real sports later and know how do listen get the chance whether you like it or not. It's bad enough I have to let the girls on my team. They just like showing up the boys because they get there growth earlier, I know that. (These were eight and nine year olds. That hadn't happened yet.) But putting up with that little fruit of yours is even worse. Now they've given me a reason to get rid of them and I've done it. Why don't you keep him at home in a play pen or give him ballet lessens or something."

"You leave my brother alone!" T.K. said, "You don't know anything about this game and don't belong on the same field or planet with him."

Edwards said, "Ha, I know it's a pitch not a field, Twit. So this thing is yours to too, huh Greyson. You breeding little tootie freaks?"

Ally was frozen to his spot, staring intently at his father and brother. Still he noticed that there were still some Dragons around and that several, boys and girls, besides him were crying. He noticed that Joseph Edwards was crying as hard as anyone. He felt sorry for Joseph because he thought he'd get in trouble for that. I don't know how he found time to feel sympathy for someone else right now but he did.

Larry took a slow step forward. In his head he was shouting every curse and cuss he knew but not at Edwards, at civilization; he want to be a savage for thirty seconds — three. The single step had been enough, however, to intimidate Edwards.

"What, you going to come over and fight me," Edwards screamed, "That should be fun!"

T.K. had spent less than one third as long in civilization and also stepped towards Edwards. He said, "You total idiot — you ... (he was, it turned out, too civilized to use the word he wanted to use to an adult). Go wash your hood. Crawl under a roc..."

Edwards shoved him and knocked him to the ground.

Three other fathers encircled Edwards. Even he was smart enough to know he had gone too far. "Don't run up on me like that, Stupid Punk," he said. Then he turned around and shouted, "Quit acting like a damn wimp, Joseph. Get in the car." He added much more about people telling him what to do and political correctness as he walked away but no one listened.

Several parents were talking to Larry and T.K. and as soon as he was sure T.K. was all right Ally walked to the car. He didn't know that several Dragons put their arms on his shoulders and that some moms were following him too. He got into the back seat and but his head in his lap. He noticed he was shaking.

He listened to himself; he didn't hear sobs. He closed his eyes tight; there were no new tears. He looked inside his head; he didn't feel scared now.

He was trembling.

Someone was on the seat beside him — He was on his father's lap — T.K.'s hand was on his back — His head was gently pulled onto his father's shoulder.

T.K. started to say something but Ally and Larry would have disagreed with what he would have said. Larry put his fingers on T.K.'s lips then wiped some tears off T.K.'s cheek; not the names he had been called nor his own fear nor the bruise forming on his shoulder had caused those tears. Larry put that hand on top of T.K.'s hand on top of Ally's back.

Then he showed his good analytical and verbal skills and spoke the perfect words: None.

*******

Ribbon:
Ally put the book down and waited. He was wearing a blue T-shirt that almost reached his knees and announced his participation in a 10K three years before he was born. There were some strange holes around the neck because Jim had chewed on his collars until he was much too old to do that.

Ally sat up on the bed and felt behind his head. He flipped his hair back and forth a few times and smiled. It was T.K. that had taken a red, a yellow and a white ribbon during tonight's dinner and given Ally his very first pony tail; he had escaped a bath tonight so he still had it. The loops were a lot longer than his hair and he pulled them tighter then flipped it around again. It felt neat.

He was pretty high up right now because his bed was a captain's bed with three rows of large drawers below the mattress. It was a light cherry laminate, the same color as most of the furniture and the woodwork in the room. The walls were a bright yellow he had picked himself but they were almost hidden by posters. Among the bigger ones was one of a bunch of frogs with big red eyes sitting in a tree, one of a girl in a blue dress holding a hoop, one of a statue of a ballerina, one of a big dog running very fast, one of some boys painting a fence that he got for reading the fourth most books of all third graders during last year's read-athlon and, right over the long side of the bed, one of a girl in a green dress lying on the ground looking way off the other way. Although he had this picture before he knew Rocky and the girl's hair was a darker red and she was older, Ally had written Rocky's name at the bottom of it.

The bottom drawer of the bed, which was partly open, went its whole length and was once a trundle but the mattress had been replaced with a thousand or so plastic blocks. One end of the compartment had been divided into small bins to hold different kinds of blocks showing Ally's innate sense of order. The fact that more than half of the blocks were in a pile at the other end and the condition of the rest of the room indicated either that this sense of order wasn't a compulsion or a total lack of discipline; depending on how bad it got and the mood of the parent talking.

At the foot of the bed there was a menagerie of two bears, a panda (it's not a bear), an alligator, a fluffy dog, a fox, a snowman and a skunk. They kept Bucephalus company while Ally was at school. A lot of art supplies, several robots, soccer equipment, a jump rope, some jacks (Chinese and regular), some smaller animals including some very tiny ones in their own shop, and other toys sat with the large number of books on the shelves or spilled out from a box in one corner. In another corner there was a five story model of a victorian house with a round tower. The open back was towards the room showing a montage of furnishing in its many rooms. Some of the people from the block sets, three small bears that had once had careers as Christmas tree ornaments and some other small, possibly animate, objects were engaged in various activities throughout the building. Two floppy, faded and damaged Bucephaluses (Bucephali?) kept watch from their place of honor on a top shelf.

The stairway was on the opposite side of the wall from the long side of his bed so Ally always knew who was walking up and, often, where they were headed without even thinking about it. That is why he was waiting but he was still surprised when there was a knock at the door (that hardly ever happened).

"Yeah," he said.

"Is Mister Alexander H. Greyson in," Larry asked though the door.

One day every year his father called him that but he was tolerant of the eccentricities of the old so he smiled and said, "Yes. Come in Coach Gray." Most of his teammates knew Ally's last name but they all dropped the last syllable when talking to their new coach.

Larry came in and asked, "Do you think they call me that because of my hair?"

Ally did his best to put a grimace over his grin and said, "Nah. Your hair doesn't have very much gray at all. — It's mostly brown or white."

"Oh, Thanks a lot. I feel much better," Larry said.

"Sure, no problem," Ally answered, working hard to hold his straight face, "I do wonder why you cut that hole up at the top though."

"You had just better be careful, Youngster. Special day or not, you can go too far," Larry said, a smile negated the threat.

The bed was high enough that Larry had to boast himself up to sit on it, which he did, then he asked, "All ready for bed? Teeth? Everything? — That's quit a haul downstairs. We're going to have to hire some sherpas to carry it all up."

Ally nodded to the first parts of that. As for the last, he could have argued at length that Tinzing Norgay was the first man to the top of Mt. Everest (though, in his view, that didn't detract from what Hillary had done in the least) and something like it was another annual (actually twice-annual) line so he just grinned.

Larry asked Ally what he was reading and Ally said, "It's about Maggie's cousin and the man on the train works for the judge but Mrs. Ericson won't believe her so she hid it even though he keeps acting nice and she might not get to the senator on time."

Larry had no idea what Ally was talking about but he enjoyed Ally's assumption that he knew about everything Ally knew about too much to ask any questions and just said, "Wow. I hope it works out. I wanted to talk to you about a few important things, OK?"

Ally became very serious, this would be a horrible day to get in trouble and he didn't think he had done anything but sometimes you couldn't be sure. He took a bead and touched it to a tooth. He now had two strings on but the new one, which had silver beads with a wooden one every five and had two blood red stone next to the clasp, was too short to go over his chin so the same bead still got this chore.

Larry said, "The first thing is about last week, I've been waiting until it was far enough away to bring it up but I think you might think that happened because you did something wrong and, Ally, you certainly didn't! You just played hard and did your best and that is what you're supposed to do. The coach wasn't being fair, Ally, even the parents were upset. If he had treated everyone the same and you didn't like the job he gave you that would be different but he didn't.

"T.K. thinks he made you do something that was dangerous or at least turned out badly. Do you think that?"

Ally shook his head and said in a small voice, "I wasn't thinking about that at all."

"Good. Can you remember to say that to T.K. sometime — Now, the second thing, When you get older I'm going to give you a long speech about the three things I hope you will do when you are grown up, the things that will make me proud."

Ally did something impossible for an adult; he simultaneously let out an audible groan and giggled. The groan was for the mere thought of something his father would admit was a long speech. The giggle was for the "three things". Larry was famous, or infamous, among his children for 'three things' and 'third possibilities'. They were sure he pushed things together or added things just to make the right number. Even Ally had laughed the first time Jim said that that was the only reason for Ally's existence.

"Don't worry" Larry said, "I'm only going to give a little taste for now, Puddin.' Just something I think you might need to know early. — You know you can't make everybody in the world like you, don't you?"

"You can just be nice." Ally said. He had fallen over onto his left side as soon as his father started but was staring right at Larry's face.

"That's right and the importance of being nice doesn't stop even to mean people. They probably need the kindness most. But there are people who aren't going to like you no matter what and that is true of everybody else in the world too. No one can please everyone. Some of those people, Al, are going to think that you should be like them. That you should only like the things they like, and act like they act. Don't listen to them. Ever."

"Coach Edwards," Ally whispered.

Larry was nodding when he said, "We aren't doing names tonight but there are many, Kid. When you are doing things that don't hurt anyone else, or get in the way of what others are doing, then you MUST be yourself.

"There are a lot of people in this world and we have to take care of each other. For you, for now, that means just be nice; and thoughtful and considerate. But you also must be nice to yourself. If you like doing something or find something fun. Don't listen to the people that say you aren't supposed to, I'm not talking about things that might get you hurt, you know that, right? Or people who are trying to protect you. I'm just talking about ordinary things that you do or find interesting.

"Because, Al, you must find your own joy in your own self. That is the only way you can have joy to give to others and that is one of our duties in life. Some people may be mean, stay away from them when you can, you can't always change their minds and don't need to. When you find your joy and your passion you will also find the people, plenty of people, who you can please and who want to share your joy. And miraculously those will be the very people that please you the most. That is how you will know the people that were meant to share your life.

"I really believe that the people who want to tell everyone else what they should be like are the ones that have never found their own joy. They always think others are picking on them and use it as an excuse to be a bully because they haven't let them selves be happy. Don't let that happen to you, don't hide your light, Ally...Did you follow that, Pud."

"Uh-huh," Ally said, "Do things that make me happy, 'cuz otherwise I can't make others happy and then might wanna make people unhappy 'stead."

Larry smiled and said, "Very good. I'm glad someone around here has my talent for bravity. (I don't know if he was kidding or not. I hope so. At any rate Ally didn't get it.) Now we are done with this years lecture. You relieved?"

There is not answer for that kind of question so Ally just put his arms around Larry.

Larry said, "Now I have a third thing to ask you about." Are you surprised? Ally wasn't at all surprised there were three things to talk about.

"I know about some things you have, and you know I know about them, and I know your know I know, and on and on and on; but we never talk about them. — Could you show me your secret toys?"

Ally never thought of them as 'secret', just as his 'other stuff'. He had put them away several years ago because some kids had said things when they visited but he had friends (well at least one, Jenny, next door) that he brought them out for too. Some of the small items he had even taken to school a few times. But he knew what Larry was talking about and went to the back of his closet, under all the future hand-me-downs, and got a plastic milk crate. There was also a broken cradle full of tangled Mardi Gras beads and pieces of cloth but he thought this was what his father would want to see. It was a small collection but not that bad. Every year, after his birthday party, there was always an extra girl's goodie-bag (often with something nicer than what he thought the girls had received). Also at least once a year some old things were given to charity and he always got the job of checking to make sure nothing got mixed in by mistake and was told he could keep whatever he could use. His mother seemed to have a penchant for buying presents and then finding something else she preferred to give, especially for girls.

Larry took a long, pink feather boa out and put it across Ally's shoulders; he laid out the three fashion dolls and some of their clothing; he put another boa on Ally's neck and one on his own; he took out the chests of doll clothes and the box of costume jewelry; he put a tiara on Ally's head. He went through the crate one item at a time and spread all the miniature dolls and other things out on the bed until he got to the bottom and found a heavily jeweled wooden sword.

Ally remembered when he got this sword at a Renaissance Fair but had forgotten why it belonged in this box but it did. Larry, however, could remember the drive back from the fair four years ago when Ally cradled the sword in his arm, talked baby talk to it and then hummed it a lullaby. All four members of Ally's family had broken out in laughter. Well it was very cute! And Larry was certain that not even the boys had meant it derisively. The six year old, however, had been mortified and had not accepted the reassurances of goodwill.

Larry now cradled the sword in his own arms and hummed. Ally giggled and said, "That's just reeeeal silly."

"Ah," Larry said, "but sometimes silly is fun; and cute." He stabbed Ally in the stomach then knighted him with a tap on each shoulder. He decided to test his credibility with the last item in the box. "Is this guy still called Sammy?" he asked as he took out a baby doll whose hair and face were painted on and were faded. It also had a crack or rip by its ear and was missing a leg.

Ally nodded, he was surprised Larry knew that name.

"Do you know this guy is older than either you or T.K.? I remember when Jim and then T.K. use to play with him."

"Really," Ally said, amazed either of his brothers had ever done such a thing.

"Sure, they were practicing being daddies."

Ally believed his father but most of the boys he knew now were older and he only vaguely remembered when boys did that. Also he had never thought of any of the things he did when playing as being practice (except maybe soccer).

Larry put Sammy down and asked, "Doesn't he have a friend somewhere?"

Ally crawled to the foot of the bed and retrieved another baby from under the alligator and bears. This one had real hair and eyes that closed when he was laid down and his fingers, arms and legs were easier to move. He had a paper towel wrapped around his loins.

Larry took the doll and asked its name.

Ally blushed scarlet and hid his face when he said, "Benny." It had been Sally until recently and had also reached the bottom of the crate for a while.

Larry sat the baby on his knee, smiled and said, "That is a very good name. Do you have a way to feed it?"

Ally blinked at Larry several times then remembered and ran to the closet and looked in the old cradle. He found the bottle that would change from white to pink when it was held upside down.

Larry took it and began to feed Benny. He said, "You know that gift card you have down stairs, Ally?

$50! Wealth! "Yeah."

"That is enough for one new computer game or video game. But I think ... You might — could ... Maybe ...You know you could..."

I started to go back and remove everything I said about Larry's good analytic and verbal skills just now but I think those talents are what are causing the problems he's having.

Larry finally said, "If I made a suggestion, you'd do it even if you didn't want to, wouldn't you?"

Well Duh. Ally nodded.

"Even if I just said something would be a good idea you would do it. Even though you had a good idea of your own, right?"

Double Duh. Grin and nod.

"That's nice, I guess, but it makes it hard for me to mention an idea when I want you to make up your own mind. Don't do this just because I mentioned it, OK, Al? A new game would be a good use for that money, that's what we thought you would do with it; or you might have another idea too; but one possibility would be to spend it for the kinds of things you keep in this box. The decision is all yours, Ally. It's for what you want most."

Ally was getting ready to answer right then but then he started waiting for his mom. The knock came (second time tonight, wow.) and it didn't even open right away.

"Come in," Ally said.

Grace did a remarkably good job of not reacting to seeing her husband wearing a lime green feather boa bottle feeding a doll. She said, "Someone seems to think he is too old to tell me good night all of the sudden."

Ally walked on his knee across all the things on the bed to give her a hug and say good night.

She said, "Congratulations again, My Baby. Good night."

"Baby!?" Ally said.

Grace smiled and said, "Absolutely. Did you think I'd forget to remind you of that tonight of all nights?"

Ally shoulders collapsed as he (temporarily) gave up this endless and, apparently, hopeless battle. That got him a new hug, then Grace straightened his tiara and said, "You sure look fancy but I think some things are missing."

She dumped out the box of jewelry and put a rhinestone bracelet on each arm. Then she added three link bracelets to one arm and a woven one to the other. The Hope Diamond's big brother was put on one of Ally's hands while four smaller rings were placed on the other. Two broaches and a clip were stuck into his hair. She tried to use some stick on ear studs but the goop was all used up so she had to make do with the five plastic clip-on rings she found. She asked Ally if he would prefer to have some of the rings in his nose but he was giggling way too hard to make any coherent response. She finally said, "There, that should do it for now."

Larry was feeling very uncomfortable right now because for the second time tonight he was in the rare position of not knowing how to say what he wanted to say. He settled on, "Wow. Gorgeous."

Grace said, "Now that's accomplished I need to go and scribble all over some students' masterpieces. Turn around a second, Dally." She retied the bows in his hair so they could make it through the night and said "We are going to have to make a decision soon about all this hair, you know that?"

Ally shook his head wide and fast and then rolled it around. That wasn't a response; barbers, dentist and doctors were not things he thought he had power over. Grace and Larry knew he was just having fun with his pony tail and smiled at him.

Grace said, "Remember you haven't been elected president yet so you do have school tomorrow. Good night, Sweetie. Don't let your Dad talk too much longer, OK?"

"I won't, 'night," Ally said, just as if he could do something to stop his father, then kissed her cheek.

Larry said. "Great. You come in and find a nice calm child and create a gigglesquiggle and leave me to put it to bed."

"If you want a job done right, ask an engineer," Grace said and left.

As soon as Grace left Larry said, "You're Mom's right, it's late and I've got some problem sets to look at too. Just look at this mess. Can't you play with one thing at a time?"

Ally put his chin on his chest so he could glare at his father from under his eye brows. Larry finally laughed and started to fill the crate.

Except for his necklaces and bows all Ally's finery was removed. He decided to hang the boas on his coat pegs, he got the sword and tossed it towards the other toy box; it no longer belonged with these things. He left the crate sitting beside the closet door.

Larry asked, "Water in your cup? Need a bathroom run?"

Ally was set and jumped on to the bed and started to crawl under the blanket Larry had pulled back but suddenly someone pulled his pony-tail. He was stunned and outraged until he realized that Larry was simply demanding a good night hug. That done, he got into bed. Larry placed every animal in its right and proper place and lifted Ally's arm up to put Bucephalus just right; he had to guess about Benny but got close (well, he put him on his stomach and his head was going the wrong way, but he was close). He smoothed out the cover and pulled them right up to Ally's chin and kissed Ally's forehead. "Get to sleep fast OK, it's late," he said and waited until he hit the light switch to add, "Good Night, Pud'. See you in the morning."

Ally said, "See ya', 'nite. — Hey, Daddy."

Larry stopped in his tracks. Under the influence of two big brothers, Ally had practically stopped calling Larry that until last week. Larry thought that 'Dad' was probably the harder title to earn, especially when it was bestowed by someone taller than the person addressed, as with Jim. But 'Daddy' was nice too and, defiantly, created bigger grins. If his basso profundo was supposed to make him sound stern it utterly failed. "What, Ally? It is late."

"'K, but know what Rocky's Mom says?"

"What?" still profundo.

"Don't bite the bed bugs."

Larry chuckled and lost the voice, "That is the second piece of excellent advice I have heard that came from that lady. She must be very, very wise. You be sure to follow it. OK? Good night, Sweetheart."

"'K, 'nite, Daddy." Ally said as he giggled.

Hold it. Read that sentence again — the one before that. — Larry did call Ally that. Neither of them seemed to have notice.

Ally waited again. His daddy had done a really good job of tucking-in and he hated to mess it up but he had an essential chore to do before he could go to sleep. Once he heard his daddy leave the stairs he sat up, pulled Benny over by an ankle and hiked his shirt up to his arms. He held the baby on his chest and hummed an unknown song as he rocked back and forth.

After a minute he realized Benny couldn't be too hungry because he had had a bottle earlier so he burped the baby over his arm and laid him down, on his back with his head towards the head of the bed. Ally then kissed Benny on the forehead and whispered, "Ga' nite, Sweetie. You're going to get some new clothes soon," and Benny smiled.

I know. I know, but Ally and I discussed this and we agree; Benny smiled. It couldn't have been gas, he had just been burped.

Ally's head finally reached the place it belonged at this time of night and he got himself almost as snug his daddy had made him.

I don't know what it is about '0'. But people always seem to make a big deal out of any number that ends with it. As Mrs. Garcia pointed out to Ally, none of them are really that important or interesting. They are never part of important ratios, they are never prime or perfect numbers, they don't appear in the Fibonacci sequence (at least not to the point anyone I know has computed it). The multiples of twelve have a lot more factors and the binary numbers are much more useful. As for legal rights and privileges, 16, 18 and 21 are more important than any age ending in a zero. Ally considered all this but he didn't care. He had a whole 'nother digit now!

"10!" he thought.

He slept.

He dreamed.

Notes:

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Scenes From a Kid's Life - Group 6: Piranha, Pirouette, Party

Author:

Jan S

Audience Rating:

General Audience (pg)

Genre:

Transgender

Character Age:

Preteen or Intermediate

TG Themes:

Sweet / Sentimental

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

Ordinary events in the life of an unordinary child who discovers the universe in the usual way, by growing up in it.

Scenes from a Kid's Life
Group 6: Piranha, Pirouette, Party

Before we start I have to say, "Thank You!" to my wonderful friends, Daphne and Kristina, for all their prodding, encouragement, proofreading, and much more.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Piranha:

"Yea!" Ally yelled, and he jumped into the air. I'm not really sure why he did that, and he wasn't really sure either. It wasn't that he was especially happy right then or anything; it's just that he almost always did do that -- almost everyone else always did that too -- when they went through the school door at three-fifteen; so he had done it today.

Then he remembered T.K. and Jim were getting out early today, and he wouldn't have to spend any time at all in the after-school-care room, and -- better still! -- Jody was coming home with him today. Now he was particularly happy, and he skipped the rest of the way to the waiting wall.

When he reached the group waiting for their rides David laughed, then started jumping up and down, and said, "It's funny when your hair bounces like that."

Ally stopped and looked at David. David had been nice lately, but Ally needed to think about it. He decided that David's mouth looked more like a grin than a smirk, so he started jumping up and down to make his hair fly some more.

David's back pack was hanging from one arm, so he strapped it across his chest, and though neither he nor Ally had ever seen anyone dance the Watusi, they began jumping up and down as high as they could. Alex, Leah and Austin joined in; they and Ally put their backpacks across their chests too. Although he had never seen a mosh pit, Austin started bumping and bashing into the others, who bashed right back. Jody came over, and at first he tried to stop all of them, but Ally pulled on his sleeve and he started jumping and bumping with the rest.

Soon about ten kids were moshing without music, and more were strapping on their packs. Ms Hawkins, who was in charge of the carpool line today, hollered, "OK. Knock it off! That's real funny until someone gets hurt."

David yelled back, "Yeah, then it's hilarious."

Ms Hawkins stared at him, and David tucked his chin onto his chest, turned around and scuffled away; well that was always funny when his teenage brothers said it.

The others slunk along behind David, and Alex pushed her backpack out and whispered to Ally and Leah, "Look, I got giant boobs!" then she sashayed the rest of the way. Ally and Leah laughed (and Leah blushed). Ally pushed his backpack up and walked funny too, but not for very long.

Ryan ended their giggles when he yelled, "Hey David, you dancing with all your new girl friends?"

David yelled back, "Get lost, you jerks!"

Leah might have been even more annoyed than David. She yelled, "Like any girl at all would come close to you two."

Ryan and Michael came towards the others and, in a stage whisper loud enough to be heard by almost everyone in the line, Michael said, "Look, Ryan, Ally's started growing titties. He really Is a girl," then he snickered.

Most of the kids just ignored them; Ally stared at the ground and took his backpack off.

"Jus' go away," Leah said, "Din't ya listen to Ms Chen yesterday at all?"

"Yeah; yada, yada, blah-blah," Ryan said, "We waste an hour on how we gotta be nice to people that act weird. Yeah."

Ally thought Ryan would have thought any lesson was a waste of time but stayed quiet. He wished Leah would shut up as much as he wished Ryan and Michael would disappear.

But Leah didn't. "We all like Ally and like how he acts too. It's OK with us, so why don't you stop making fun of people?"

"'Cuz I don't think creeps should be let do whatever, and regular people can't. That's why."

David jumped into it and said, "You think you're regular? People don't like what you do 'cus it is always bossing around and bugging people. That's what's being a creep, Ryan."

Michael said, "Eww, big talk from little Davina?" and laughed.

Leah said, "Gah - you's are such pains!"

David hands were balled into fists, but he tried to be calm. "Just go bug someone else, would ya'," he said.

Alex said, "Oh - Just Stop It!! Ryan, people really wouldn't mind you if you weren't mean. You can even be funny sometimes." She didn't know if she believed that or not, but it seemed like a good thing to say to stop a fight.

Just then Ms Hawkins, who was busy stuffing kids into cars as fast as she could, called out, "Ally Greyson, Jenny English, come on, your car is here." When she looked at the group around Ally all she added was, "Jody, get back with your class. Hurry, Ally."

Ally called back, "Jody's coming with me."

As Ally walked away Alex said, "Be sure to ask if you can come to my house on Thursday, Al."

Michael hollered, "Are you going to go play dollies, Ally? Awww."

Ally stopped. He took a deep breath and turned around. He said to Alex, "'K, should I bring Angie or not?" But just then Ms Hawkins called again, and he didn't hear the answer.

I know you may be wondering if things escalated to a real fight. So am I, and so is Ally. Ally will find out as soon as he can, but I'm afraid the rest of us aren't so lucky. I have no idea what's going to happen. I guess that isn't part of our story and so it's hidden from me. In a way that's good news though, because it means it didn't affect Ally either.

Ally, Jody and Jenny quickly climbed into the car. Jenny, T.K. and Jim traded hellos, but Ally and Jody stayed quiet. Rather than wait in the line to turn onto the street near the lower school, Jim turned onto a small drive, went across the parking lot behind the big building, and out the back exit. This way probably wasn't any quicker, but it had the advantage that you spent more of the time actually moving.

Both Ally and Jody kept thinking about Ryan and Michael until the car turned onto a curbless road that cut through a park, but then they finally started talking of other things. A few miles later they veered onto the left fork at a Y, and Ally said, "Pull on your ears, Jody! Hurry!"

"And puff your cheeks out, too." Jenny added.

Jody looked around the car. Why were they teasing him like this? But the big kid in the front seat was doing it too; even the guy that could drive had puffed out his cheeks and was pulling on one ear. So he went along.

The driver, Jim, said, "OK, it's safe," and everyone let go of their ears and breathed out.

Ally said, "I hope you did it in time, Jody."

"He doesn't use this road much, so he's probably safe," Jim said.

"Why do we got to do that?" Jody asked.

Jenny asked him, "Didn't you see the sign?"

"Ugh — Nah."

T.K. told him. "It says, 'Road Narrows Ahead', and there's no way to know whose head it's going to narrow."

"So you got to make your head really fat when you go on this road," Ally added.

"That's not what it means!" Jody said.

"Can't be sure," Jim said.

Jenny said, "Yeah, there was a man that used to make deliveries around here, and his head got so thin he could stick it through the mail slots in doors."

"They fired him," Ally said, "'cuz people thought he was peeking into houses. It's too big a chance."

The car pulled up to a stop light, and Ally was about to show Jody that he could blow out red lights when Jenny noticed who was in the car in front of them. "Ew, it's that little jerk, Zack Dawson," she said, "Honk the horn, Jim! Come on, please!"

Ally knew that Hannah and Josh car-pooled with Zack and said, "Yeah, honk."

Jim might have tapped the horn but just then the light changed, and both cars turned left onto a wider road. Jenny and Ally urged Jim to pull next to the other car, but Jim didn't react; he just continued to drive his usual two miles over the speed limit (that is, it's his usual when someone under fifteen or over twenty is in the car), and the gap between the cars widened. Ally and Jenny were getting aggravated, and Jody was getting excited too, but nothing would get Jim to try harder.

"You were in class with them thirty minutes ago," T.K. said.

The three kids in the back seat ignored the non sequitur and began bouncing in their seats. Jim let a car pull out of a parking lot and get between them and the Dawsons. Then Mrs. Dawson changed lanes and got even further ahead. All seemed lost when she came up to the next light just as it turned yellow, but for some reason she did stop. The Dawsons were in the other lane and a car ahead.

The wait seemed to take for ever; then a bus turned into their lane. But when the light changed the car beside them turned left, and Jim was able to change lanes and get around the bus. Both cars went through two lights; other cars got between them but all of them soon turned and the Dawsons were just in front of them again. Mrs. Dawson moved into the right lane; Jim followed. She turned right; Jim followed, but again the Dawsons were pulling ahead.

They came to a stop sign with a long line and they caught up. At the next stop sign Mrs. Dawson pulled behind the cars turning left. Jim got into the line of cars going straight and pulled up beside her!

There were only four feet and two bits of glass between Jenny and her prey; she waved her arms wildly. Carl Dawson, in the front seat, was the first to notice her. When Zack turned his head, she smiled at him and then remembered and shot a visual raspberry at him. He fired back by rolling his stuck out tongue and crossing his eyes. Ally tried to get Josh's and Hannah's attention by putting his thumbs in his ears and wiggling his fingers. Just as Josh's thumb reached his nose they heard it:

BAM!

OK - how many of you thought there was going to be a car chase AND a gun shot anywhere in this story? Come on, raise your hands. -- Ha! Excuse me while I slick back my hair.

Everyone in both cars looked around to see where the shots were coming from rather than taking cover. Then they saw Dr. Mueller and Greg limping through the intersection. Well, actually it was their car that was anthropomorphically limping on a flat tire. But who would be shooting at Greg's tires?? Oh - maybe the bang was just the sound of a blow out; I guess we will have to wait till later for the gun shot.

The cars at the stop sign had to wait while the Muellers got through the intersection, then Jim followed them into a parking lot by the fields where Ally had soccer practice.

T.K. said, "Come on, Jim! Don't stop! I don't want to see him. They'll be all right. Just go!"

"We're going to help, T.K. Just get over it," Jim said as he got out of the car.

Greg told Jim, "I can change a tire. We don't need your help."

That got him an evil look from his mother, but Jim smiled and said, "Well, you've got it whether you need it or not. At least I'm going to help your mother; I'm not dealing with you or T.K.

Jenny, Jody and Ally had followed Jim, but T.K. still sat in the car glaring at a book. Greg opened the trunk and started to take out the spare.

Ally hadn't seen Greg since he had changed how he dressed and T.K. had gotten mad at him. Today Greg had a unicorn with a small diamond for an eye in each ear lobe. He also wore a silver bracelet and a red choker that held a cameo brooch of a white flower.

Ally was staring at Greg, and when Greg was taking the jack to the front of the car he got up the courage to say, "I like you're pin. Can I see it?"

Greg didn't speak, but he bent over and tilted his head so Al could take a close look at the brooch. "It's nice," Ally said, "Can I ask ya' a question?"

Again Greg said nothing, but he looked at Ally while he turned the jack handle.

Ally looked at the others. Jim, Jenny and Jody were all over by the wheel where Jim was starting on the lug nuts. He and Greg were at the front of the car, and Greg's mom was in between the groups. He said in a whisper, "Do you think -- want people to think -- -- are a girl?"

Greg dropped the jack handle. "Shit," he said. (Greg didn't scream, and he didn't seem like he was going to be mean, but he did seem real, real mad to Ally.) After several seconds he said, "I just am me. I want to just be just me. That's all." Then he walked away even though the car wasn't all the way up yet.

Dr. Mueller came over as Ally picked up the jack handle and tried to turn it. He said, "I'm sorry. I didn' mean to be mean."

Greg's mother said, "We know. It's not your fault. He's having a hard time just now, Ally, and he doesn't know if it's a big mistake. Why don't you get T.K. to take you and your friends to the swing sets? OK."

Ally got T.K. out of the car, and when Greg saw him he yelled, "I'm not contagious you know. You don't have to treat me like a piranha, creep."

I'm pretty sure that Greg meant to say 'pariah', but 'piranha' is what he said and, since the spellchecker allows it, that's what I typed. Besides, T.K. probably would have treated a flesh eating fish just like he was treating Greg these days and with better reason.

T.K. did about the meanest thing Ally thought he could have done; he didn't even turn around; he just kept walking.

Ten steps later Ally fell back to walk with T.K. and said, "I don't get it, T.K."

T.K. said, "Neither do I, Al. And neither does anyone else either. Not Jim or Mom or Dad, but they'll just pretend to."

After another ten steps Ally said, "I gotta get something. I'll catch up."

Ally ran to his car and got a ribbon that he had tied to one of his pens. Then he walked over to where Greg was talking to his mom, and he asked Greg to help tie his hair back.

––– § –––

Pirouette:

Ally walked into the kitchen rubbing one eye and didn't say a word as he climbed up onto the counter top to get a cereal bowl.

Larry turned from the coffee pot, saw Ally's maroon sweatshirt, and yelled, "Field trip!"

Ally moaned and used his non-eye-rubbing hand to swat away his father's enthusiasm. T.K. came in and asked, "Why do the shrimps get a fieldtrip the week before spring break anyway?"

Grace was coming from the cellar with a jug of milk, and she answered him. "Because the weather is getting nice, the daffodils have their first buds, and the teachers aren't crazy enough to try to hold their attention. Good morning, T.K." She put an arm across T.K.'s shoulder and gave him as much of a hug as he would abide; then went over to kiss Ally's forehead and wondered why he had let the shrimp remark go unchallenged

"So why do we have about three tests everyday this week then?" T.K. asked.

Jim had come in and, as he stuck a piece of bread in the toaster, he said, "That's because your teachers are all crazy; teaching freshmen does that to people. Besides, tormenting you guys is the favorite pastime of everyone in the big building."

T.K. groaned to show agreement with that second sentence.

Grace said, "They're doing you a favor, letting you get some grades on the books before you forget it all next week."

T.K. put two splashes of coffee in a mug and filled it with milk. "But Jim doesn't have to do anything anymore." he said.

With a dramatic flare Jim said, "That's because:" then he pulled open his jacket and showed his T-shirt which said, "We're In!" and the last two digits of this year.

Larry said, "But he has less than two months until the APs. Dum-dum-duumm. Guess what he's going to be doing over spring break." Then he asked Ally, "What do you want for breakfast, Huevos Rancheros, Eggs Benedict, or this round oat cereal?"

Well, of course Larry didn't really say "round oat cereal", he just used the name but, since no one has asked me about a product placement (in spite of my plug in the last group), I'm still stuck writing descriptions of brand name products. This would have been a great place to mention any breakfast food, don't you think?

Grace said, "Eggs Benedict sounds great."

"I'll make up for it at the beach next year. I'd like some Huevos, Dad." Jim said.

Ally pointed at the yellow box.

"Don't build your hopes too high, Jim. Your college life is not going to be the stuff reality shows are made of." Grace said.

"I know. Florida will be fine for next year; I don't expect to go to Cancun until I'm a junior. I've decided not to take American History II or Calc BC; just the French, Bio and Psych."

As he poured out Ally's cereal Larry said, "We'll discuss it, Jim. If either of you wants to make one of those, I'll take some too."

"Someday Ally's going to surprise you, and you'll be trying to make Hollandaise until noon," Grace said.

"No, he won't because I'll stop offering the week before he turns twelve."

Jim said, "Where are you guys going today, Al?"

"The planetarium and then a movie 'bout the Great Barrier Reef," Ally said without much enthusiasm.

Larry said, "I really have a hard time seeing the connection there."

"One's way, way up; and one's way down, 'guess."

"The planetarium is in the same building as the giant movie screen," T.K. pointed out, and he thought, ~Duh~, but didn't say it.

"Do you need a lunch?" Larry asked, and Ally nodded.

"Peanut butter? With a banana, honey or jelly?" Larry asked, although he had already taken a banana from the fruit bowl.

Ally just nodded again, and Grace asked if he was feeling OK because he was being so quiet. Ally shrugged in response.

With a mouth full of cereal T.K. said, "I won't be home for dinner. I'm going to the mall with Carl."

Grace glared at T.K., and Larry said, "Aw, they're always so cute when they forget the difference between a request and an announcement. Sliced or smushed?"

"Sli-ushed," Ally said. "Can I take a yogurt drink too?"

"Is it OK if I go to the mall with Carl and eat there tonight?" T.K. asked and grabbed the half banana Ally had turned down from his father's hand.

Grace said, "It won't stay good out of the refrigerator for that long, Dally. You can take some baby cheeses if you like, but they will be very soft by lunch time. It's a school night, T.K. I thought you had tests all this week."

"We'll be back by eight; I gotta go get that computer game I pre-ordered." T.K. said.

Grace shook her head and said, "That's too late. Ally, I'm putting carrot and celery sticks in here, and I want you to eat them, or would you like some green beans instead? They're still snappy. Do you have your school shirt on under that in case it gets too warm?"

Ally first nodded and then shook his head, T.K. moaned and said, "Mom! I have to get that game!"

"Sorry, T.K., but the store will hold it for you until the weekend. And, Ally, change to some long pants too. I think it is still too cool for shorts."

"Mom!" T.K. said.

"Mom!" Ally said.

"Wait!" Larry said. "Jim, if you join in a couple of notes below T.K., I think we will have a major chord."

Jim was the only one to smile.

"Lots of people wear shorts all the time; Sarah never wears anything else," Ally said.

"Mom, it's a massive seller, if I don't get it before then all the good names'll be taken," T.K. pointed out.

Grace, who wouldn't have known what an MMORPG was if you spelled it for her, was unmoved by T.K.'s argument. She said, "Ally, I think it is silly to do that when it's still cold."

Jim said, "I have to be at the school 'til five, I could pick T.K. up on the way home."

Larry said, "That way you could load it before dinner and get on sooner, T.K."

Grace was the one who agreed to the offer. "All right, but only until dinner, and only an hour a day until this weekend if you have that many tests, and none on days you have play rehearsal."

T.K. sighed. When would he learn that all pleas for sympathy would backfire on him? "I only have one more test and two quizzes really."

"Is Greg going with you this afternoon?" Larry asked.

"No."

Grace said, "How long are you going to keep this up with him, T.K? He hasn't done anything to you."

"Why do you act like I'm doing something to him? I just don't want people to think I'm -- something I'm not. OK?!" T.K. said.

"What? You mean like a good friend?" Larry asked.

At the same time, Grace said, "Those aren't the kinds of people whose opinions matters, T.K."

T.K. felt like each of his parents had grabbed a horn from his dilemma, twisted it and used it to attack from opposite directions. "Look, I'm not being mean; I'm just staying away from him is all," he said.

"But," Larry said, "you are staying away just when he is going through a lot, and when he needs you most! Has Carl abandoned him too?"

"Gawah -- It was his decision, and he told Carl he isn't really gay anyway. Don't ya' see? He is just doing it because if he acts that way people leave him alone more."

"You mean people don't call you 'fag' if you say you are one? Maybe not out loud at our school," Jim said, "but Greg's smart enough to know the feelings of the worst people get worse, and he goes out in the bigger world too, you know."

Larry shot a Keep-Out-Of-It look at Jim and said, "He is exploring, T.K. But that doesn't mean he doesn't need his friends any more."

T.K. said, "So you think I should tell everyone I'm gay just to be nice to him?"

"No," Grace said, "we think you should just be nice to him just to tell everyone it doesn't matter to you. And it shouldn't."

Larry said "Look T.K., I think fifteen is very early for someone to make that kind of life decision, but it is Greg's choice. . . ."

"It's not a choice; people just know!"

"Oh, T.K.," Grace said, "It isn't so easy as that. Some say they always knew, and it is probably true in a way, but there is a huge difference between knowing and realizing or admitting."

Larry added in a softer voice, "And not every adolescent that worries or is unsure whether they are a homosexual or not is one, Tommy. My guess is that only five or ten percent of them are."

Grace said, "Hurry, Ally, and get changed, and you can't wear shoes with wheels to the museum. You know that; it was in Mr. McGee's note."

Jim laughed and said, "Looks like it's time for a makeover, Ally. Uhh, why does Ally have to change pants because it's cold and shirt because it's hot?" That got him a displeased stare from Grace.

"I was wondering about that too, Grace," Larry said.

"Because I'm a mother, not a weatherman, that's why. Hurry, Dally, it's getting late. And all of you just stop acting like I'm being bossy."

Ally slid off the counter and headed upstairs.

As the door closed behind him Grace said, "Do you think he feels all right?"

T.K. said, "Yeah, you'd think it would be nice to not have his constant chatter for one morning, but it just feels strange."

Jim said, "I don't think Ally likes going on group trips, remember that day camp. . ."

That was all Ally heard as he shuffled upstairs. He put on his maroon knit school shirt then replaced the sweatshirt, and he changed into his hiking pants with the removable legs. He planned to unzip the pants legs unless it was real cold when they got on the bus. They wouldn't be as short as the shorts he had been wearing but were still a lot shorter than what real boys usually wore.

He thought about why he wasn't excited about the trip too. He had been to the planetarium before, but it was still real neat, and the movie on the giant screen sounded OK too; some of the sharks were supposed to be gigantic and look like they were swimming right at you. He knew Josh was probably going to scream real loud, just because he could get away with it.

But still he felt weird about class trips.

Later that day, as they are waiting for the door to after-school-care to open, Jody will ask Ally who he sat next to on the bus. Ally will say, "Lisa" and ask if Jody had sat next to a girl too. Today is going to be the first time that they don't have boy and girl lines or sides of the bus while on a fieldtrip. The innovation will lead to lots of conversation and more than a few complaints, but by the trip back to school most of the students will have adjusted.

Ally is going to enjoy most of this trip much more than he usually did, but he won't really be aware of the reason. Also, the worst part will remain just as bad as ever, and although he won't see the connection, this afternoon he will ask Jody, "Don't you hate when we have to go to the bathroom all together right after lunch?"

"Yeah but I guess it's just so people won't leave the movie," Jody will answer.

"But we got to stand around by the door forever and everybody could see us. BL-yuck."

"You dummy. Everybody's got to go sometimes," Jody is going to say, "so it's no big deal, Ally. At least there's people, I don't like going into 'em when no ones around, 'cuz of weirdoes. And it's not like school where it's a good place for fights, 'cuz so many kids are there."

Ally will shrug his shoulders at that. This isn't one of his favorite topics and, though he won't be sure what the point is, he will know that Jody missed it completely. Ally isn't frightened by those rooms, and he likes it better when they're empty. If he has to use them, he gets in and out as fast as possible. He always uses the stalls too (except at school, where for some dumb reason, people get teased for that.) so he won't be seen as much, but it isn't because of what he is doing. Waiting in the line in the museum was like being seen inside that place by strangers for that whole time he was by the door, and he just didn't like it; it just never feels right somehow.

Ally will then change the topic back to riding with girls on buses, but that conversation won't take place for almost eight hours, and it is awkward telling a story in the future tense, so let's get back to the past.

As soon as Ally walked into the kitchen Grace said, "OK, hurry and get outside before Jenny's pounding at the door. Al, you forgot to take your hair down, come here."

"I'm gonna start wearing it in a ponytail to school," Ally said.

Graced sighed. "We can talk about that, but not for the first time on a fieldtrip day though, Dal."

"Why have you decided to do that, pud?" Larry asked. He wasn't contradicting Grace, just impatiently curious.

"I wanna see what happens; see if it fits in the box."

"What, Ally?" Larry said.

"Long time ago you said I was good at figuring out how big boxes were; I want to see."

Larry turned around and pretended to rinse a knife; he said, so only Grace could hear, "Sometimes I hate it when they remember what I say."

"Why are ponytails so important though, Dally?" Grace said. She got the community brush that lived with the stacks of mail on the never used breakfast table and started on Ally's hair.

Ally shrugged. Jim said, "They're a banner, when that works other. . ." He was cut off by two icy stares.

T.K. drew the same stares by saying, "There are guys that wear pony tails sometimes in my class. It's no big deal any. . ."

Ally said, "Both of the Singhs have really long hair. You know they're not brothers?"

"Which is why they wear turbans," Larry said (He was talking about the long hair part, not the brothers part. You probably got that.) We're not changing religion so you can let your hair grow, pud. Now stop avoiding the question."

"I just like it is all, and I'm tired of it mattering all the time. Just forget about it, I guess."

Jenny walked in without pounding on the door and said, "Hey Greysons, you forget we got school today?"

Jim and T.K. went outside; Grace held on to Ally's hair and quickly pulled it into a ponytail before she kissed the top of his head and pushed him towards the door. Ally tried to push the pony tail higher and make it stick out a little as he walked to the car. It was only made with a plain elastic band, but at least it was a start.

Grace called from the door, "Bye, and Dally, leave the legs to those pants in Jim's car so you won't lose them, honey."

Ally did a pirouette and waved to Grace.

––– § –––

Party:

Ally got to Alex's house late because his recorder choir practices after school on Thursdays. (Oh -- I haven't told you yet that he is going to start flute lessons next month, have I? Well he is. He already has the flute and everything. He has to use a flute with a curved end until his arms get longer, and he doesn't like that, but the teacher showed him how to blow across the hole already, and he has been practicing that real hard.)

When Ally arrived Alex and Leah were sitting on the den floor, already busy. They weren't here to play. This was a meeting.

Alex's birthday was the next week, during the vacation, and her party was going to be two weeks later. However, because she was having to wait, Alex had finagled a deal with her mother. Usually she would have been able to have a regular party with ten people (one for each year of her life), or a sleep over with half that number, but now she was going to have both! A sleep over for five, and five more people could come but have to leave early.

Before Ally even had his jacket off Alex said, "OK, Ally, what do you think of this stuff we have for the boys goody bags: rubber band airplanes, these stickers of sports stuff, the little men with parachutes, and either the plastic spring things that go down stairs or these balls." She showed him a catalogue picture of a super bouncy ball that looked like an eye ball with veins and blood and stuff.

"Eeww, yuck," Ally said, "but I guess they'd like those eye balls."

"See, told ya,'" Alex said to Leah.

"What are the girls getting," Ally asked, and Alex showed him he finished list: a tiny, funny looking doll with spiky hair to brush; a set of Chinese jacks; some barrettes; and a pack of five colors of glittery nail polish.

Alex barely gave him time to read the list before she said, "And here's what we got figured out to do. There's not much for the first part 'cuz we were waiting for you."

She showed him a piece of paper that had been marked off in fifteen minute increments. There was a thick line at nine o'clock, and below that was almost full with things like "make popcorn", "watch movie ??" (The question marks meant they hadn't decided on which movie yet.), "bake cookies", "ghost stories", and "pillow fight". It went all the way to one AM and still didn't have "go to sleep" written in.

The only things filled in so far in the top part were one fifteen minute period that said, "eat dinner"; another single period said, "cake and ice cream"; and the last two periods were marked, "open presents".

"So what do you think we should do when people are coming?" Alex said.

"The dancing video game," Ally answered, that seemed like a no-brainer to him because it was fun to watch too. "You want to borrow our pads, so more people can do it at once?"

"Oh, yeah. I'll ask my Daddy if he can set it up like that. Then how about a limbo contest? Would the boys like that?"

"Ya' think we could do real dancing too, or would the boys all freak, Ally?" Leah asked.

"They'd do limbo, maybe; and some might actually dance, 'guess. Who's all coming."

"Oh, so far we got us, my cousin, and Hannah, Josh, and Sara. . ."

"Better have Matt if Hannah's coming," Ally said.

"Yeah, him, but they broke up, you know."

"Nah," Leah said, "they got back together last Tuesday."

"Matt played soccer today, so they might 'a broke up again," Ally said

"Then we couldn't 'cide for the last two," Alex said.

"What about Jody?" Ally asked.

"He's to bossy, Ally," Leah said.

"Nah-uh, not really," Ally said. "He's just scared of stuff and worries all the time, but he's getting lots better. Really." Ally knew things about Jody that he couldn't tell the others, and he didn't think he could push very hard for his friend when it was Alex's party either, but he hoped she would ask Jody.

"David's been being real nice," Alex said, "and Leah thinks Brandon is cute."

"Not!!" Leah said, but her blush belied the word.

They continued like this for quite awhile, going back and forth among the sections of Alex's charts and lists. It was already dark outside when Ally said, "Are you going to have the movie about the high school guys who put on a musical?"

Alex said, "Ugh, people are tired of it!"

"Oh," Ally said, "but you can just forward to the dancing parts to dance with 'em, that's what my friend, Rocky, and I do, and skip all the dumb parts."

Leah wasn't as tired of the movie as Alex was, and said, "Know what, if we started that right after the presents the guys that had to leave would be happy to get out of here."

Everyone laughed, and Alex wrote that down on the schedule.

Just then Mrs. Adams (Alex's mom) yelled, "Your daddy and sister are finally here, Alex. You three need to get your things picked up and come eat."

In the kitchen Mrs. Adams handed Alex a bunch of forks and spoons to put on the table and asked if they had everything worked out, but before anyone could answer Alex's sister, Megan, came through the back door and dropped her backpack on the floor with a loud thud. The first words she said were, "Are they all going to be here for dinner?"

"Yes, they are, Megan," Mrs. Adams said as she placed the food on the table.

Megan rolled her eyes up to the ceiling but then said, "Hi, Leah. Hello, Ally. Ally is T.K. going to the spring dance tomorrow?"

Ally shrugged his shoulders and said, "Don no."

Mr. Adams came through the door and pushed Megan's pack out of his way with his foot.

Megan said, "Is he meeting someone there?"

"Don no," Ally said again.

"He's not meeting up with Alison, is he?" Megan asked.

Ally shrugged again, and Mrs. Adams said, "Megan, if he doesn't know if he's going or not, how could he know about his plans? Pick your books up and wash up. We're all ready."

Mr. Adams finally got his turn and said, "Hello, everyone. Hi, kitten. Have you three been playing hard today?"

"Daddy!" Alex said. (She couldn't believe he had said that. It was just such a little kid question, and he had called her "kitten" in front of her friends too!) "We've been working."

Mrs. Adams took over and said, "They have everything planned out for Alex's party. We will have to look over it later and see if we will be able to afford the house payment this month."

"We didn't spend lots," Alex said, "Daddy, can you hook up a second dance pad to the video game machine?"

"I think I can. I'll have to look at it. Is that what you're going to do all night," Mr. Adams asked.

"Nah," Alex said, "that's just while people are coming in."

Ally said, "We gotta have something to get the boys attention right away, so they don't all start playing their mini video game things all night."

Mr. Adams said, "If you haven't thought of a menu yet, Alex, what do you think of putting my special pizza stones in the oven and making a really giant pizza, and then we could let each kid make an individual pizza too?"

"Ummm," Alex said. She wasn't real sure that the others would appreciate her father's weird hobby, and building the pizzas seemed a bit like the crafts projects they had always done at little kid parties, but Ally and Leah both thought that was a great idea.

Alex was still a bit worried and asked, "Do you really think the boys would like that, Ally?"

"Sure," Ally said, "It would be neat." Not even Alex thought about how this messed up the intricate schedule they had made.

Megan had just come back and, as she took a seat at the table, she said, "I can't believe you're letting her have a boy-girl party. You still won't let me have one."

"Oh, Meg," Mrs. Adams said, "It's not like that. They aren't having boy friends just yet."

Her sisters complaint had made Alex feel very mature. She said, "Some of my friends go steady all the time."

"Oh? Who?" Mr. Adams asked.

"Matt and Hannah do sometimes," Alex said, and Leah and Ally nodded in agreement.

"And," Mr. Adams asked, "what do fourth graders do when they go steady?"

"They talk during recess and stuff," Alex said.

Mrs. Adams said, "It's just practice dating, honey."

"Matt went over to Hannah's house last week," Leah pointed out.

"Tommie said she went to a movie with Austin," Ally said.

Mr. Adams looked at his wife and said, "You said it was practice dating when Megan met up with boys at dances."

"This is practice practice-dating then," Mrs. Adams said grinning, "I think we called it being friends."

Mr. Adams flashed his eyebrows and then asked the three younger children, "Are any of you going steady with anyone."

"No!" all three answered with a barely contained sense of shock.

"Welll. . ." Alex began, but Leah quickly jumped in -- she was afraid Alex was about to mention Brandon -- and said, "Ally is going steady with Jody."

"Oh, Beee Quiet!!" Ally said, and all three giggled.

Mrs. Adams said, "I don't think that would really count. Leah, are you going out of town for the spring vacation?"

Leah just shook her head because her mouth was full. Ally said, "I'm going to visit my Grama and my blood sister, Rocky. Then we get to fly back all alone."

After Ally explained what a blood sister was and why he had one the rest of the dinner conversation centered on everyone's vacation plans and the spring soccer season.

After dinner Ally and Leah helped Alex clear off the dinner table. While they were doing that Mrs. Adams said, "Oh, I forgot to tell you, your cousin has another party to go to that night and won't be able to come to yours, Alex."

"Ohhh, shoot." Alex said.

"Don't be like that. You two will be together for the family party and will spend lots of time together while you're out of school. Besides, now you can add another friend."

"Yeah, I guess," Alex said. "'K, who else should I invite, guys?"

"There's sure lots of parties that day. Jenny's having one and Kevin too."

"Probably everyone born in March has to have it that weekend, because of the vacation and all the holydays," Mrs. Adams said. "Who do you have so far?"

Alex started counting the names off on her fingers. "Ally and Leah," she said and paused for the giggle, "Hannah and Sara, Josh, Matt. . ."

"Then we decide on Brandon and Jody," Leah said.

"One more - Umm," Alex said, "Oh yeah, ME. That's nine. Who else?"

"David'd be good. Or Austin."

Alex and Leah laughed. "I don't think my Mom would let them spend the night, Al."

Leah said, "I hope not! We already have you and Jody and Josh, Matt and Brandon for the first part remember, Ally."

"Oh yeah," Ally said and pretended to laugh at himself. He began to suggest Cynthia but decided it wasn't his business since he wasn't spending the night.

"I guess I'll ask Amanda," Alex said.

Just then the doorbell rang, and Mr. Adams yelled, "Leah, your dad's here."

Ally said, "I should go too. Bye."

Mrs. Adams chuckled at Ally's abruptness, but said, "OK. Are you walking, Ally?"

"Yes," Ally said and then remembered and added, "Thanks for dinner. It was good."

After the rest of the goodbyes Ally started on his three block trek home. He walked slowly down the dark streets, but he knew these streets well and the people in many of the houses too.

All the crocuses were completely gone, only their skinny, spiky leaves remaining. After he turned the corner he began counting the daffodil buds along the way.

He stopped in front of Mrs. Polanski's house, as he always did, and petted The Last Elm. He knew it was a plague survivor and he was lucky to know an old elm, but now it was very old even for a tree. He looked up to see if its leaf buds were doing OK, but the branches were too high, and it was too dark

He saw a real big, yellow daffodil that was already open and reached out to pick it but stopped. That would have been a very mean thing to do to a flower just for being in a hurry.

By the time he had reached his front door he had counted forty-two daffodil buds, eight in his yard, and that was only the ones near the sidewalk.

He went into the kitchen to give his report to his mother. She kept the debriefing very short tonight though, and only asked what he had eaten, if he had a good time, and if he had finished his homework before recorder practice. Then he watched the last half of a cops and robbers show with his daddy before he was sent to take a bath.

After his bath his mom came upstairs, and they read a chapter of The Phantom Tollbooth. Usually they alternated, each reading two pages at a time; tonight Grace didn't pass him the book except for one turn. Ally didn't laugh during the story, he only grinned, even though Milo was making unwarranted assumptions so he could jump to the Island of Conclusions.

When Grace had kissed him and turned off the light Ally rolled over, hugged Bucephalus, closed his eyes, and softly cried.

Ally slept.

Ally dreamed.

Scenes from a Kid's Life - Group 3: Champagne, Ice, Crumbs

Author:

Jan S

Audience Rating:

General Audience (pg)

Publication:

Serial Chapter

Genre:

Transgender

TG Themes:

Sweet / Sentimental

Permission:

Permission granted to post by author

Scenes from a Kid's Life
By Jan-S

Group 3: Champagne, Ice, Crumbs

Champagne

"Aunt Amy, can we borrow a knife, please?" Rocky called as she ran into the kitchen.

"And some matches," Ally added, following close on her heels.

The two kids had found a surefire way to get the attention of the five grown-ups sitting around the kitchen. And even their baby cousin seemed to be watching them intently.

"WHAT?" Annie and Grace yelled at the same time; they didn't seem to know you were supposed to lock pinkies when that happened.

"Why," Larry asked calmly, "do you need some matches, Ally?"

"To ster'lize the knife," Ally answered.

"OooK," Larry said, "and what are you going to do with a sterile knife?"

"Cut our wrists," Rocky answered matter of factly.

"We're gonna 'come blood brothers," Ally informed them, his head tilted all the way to the right, a grin on his face.

"Ahh, I see. — T.K.," Larry said, the last two syllables about three times as loud as the rest.

T.K. walked in laughing; he was pretty sure this wasn't real trouble.

Jim came too, just to watch, and did a quick survey of the room. His mother and Rocky's mother were unreadable, but they weren't mad. His father was trying hard not to show he was amused, while his Uncle Steve didn't care if his amusement showed or not. His Aunt Amy was feeding the baby, and he couldn't see her face. His cousin, Benny, was very amused, but since his face was covered in green goop and he was six months old, that probably didn't matter. Ally and Rocky seemed befuddled and expectant, but that wasn't unusual.

T.K. said, "Hey, I did tell them to ask you for the knife and to sterilize it. It's Jim's fault; he told them they weren't really cousins."

"You don't need quite that much blood," Steve said as he got up and left the room.

Ally's head swung like a pendulum to the other side and he asked, "If Uncle Steve and Aunt Amy are both our aunt an’ uncle, why aren' we?"

Grace said, "Cousin means you have at least one grandparent in common, but you two don't have to be related to be very special friends, and that is just as important as being cousins, even much more important."

"But we want to be!" Rocky said, "Aren' we even second cousins?"

Steve came back carrying a bottle of rubbing alcohol, cotton balls and a small needle as Amy explained, "Second and third cousins refer to different generations. When either one of you has kids and Ben has kids, they will be each other's second cousins."

Grace said, "Steve, you're not actually going to do this to them!"

"Sure I am," Steve said, "You're not actually going to argue symbolism isn't important, are you, Grace? Go ahead, I dare ya'."

Grace was routed by that argument, so she said, "Go and wash your hands really, really well."

As Steve poured the alcohol over the needle in a saucer, Annie asked, "Are you both very sure about this? It's going to hurt, you know."

Both kids nodded vehemently and yelled "Yeah!" from the sink.

T.K. asked, "What about removed, like first cousins once removed? Is that what they are?"

"No," Amy said, "Removed refers to being of different generations, Ben's kids will be your first cousins once removed and you theirs. Your grandchildren will be his first cousins twice removed and so on. That's expert legal advice for free; I was in Wills and Estates before I learned that."

Larry said, "I think T.K. should do the honors; that way when their fingers get infected and fall off, they'll blame the right person."

"No," Grace said. T.K. was both hurt and relieved by her lack of faith.

Unfortunately, he was immediately pleased and distressed by Annie. "Grace, I think T.K. would be just perfect to perform this ceremony. I can't imagine a better officiator," she said.

Steve said, "T.K., wipe their fingers with alcohol first, and do them quickly so they don't have to keep the blood going."

"And not very deeply at all," Grace added, "we don't need a fountain."

"OK, guys," T.K. said, "Come on over here, and I'll make you blood brothers." Nervous about stabbing people or not, he was determined to seem confident and to play the role to the hilt.

Rocky put her right arm across Ally's shoulder, suddenly anxious now that it was about to happen. Ally's tell-tale bead was between his teeth, and he put his left arm across Rocky.

Rocky said, "Shouldn' we be blood sisters 'cus I'm a girl or something?"

"You can have blood sisters too, I think." Jim said.

"Blood cousins." offered Steve.

"Blood siblings," said Amy.

"Blood sisters is best," Rocky said. "It's easier t' 'splain."

"'K," said Ally.

T.K. asked, "Both blood sisters, Ally?"

"Uh-hah, it's better, 'guess, 'cuz Rocky's a girl," Ally said.

"All right, put your hands on the table." T.K. said, "No, your left hand, Al. It's closer to your heart." He appreciated symbolism too it seems. Ally put his right hand on top of Rocky's rather than replace the bead.

T.K. said, "After I poke you, squeeze it with your thumb to get a drop of blood out, like this. Then lock your fingers, make sure the bloody parts touch, and pull real hard, like this, and say…."

"Forever," Jim suggested.

T.K. said, "Forever, three times slowly: forever...forever...forever. Right together or it doesn't take. OK?"

Both kids nodded nervously.

"Dearly Belove-id," T.K. intoned, "We are gather-id here today to join this Ally and this Rocky in the bless-id state of Blood Sisterhoodliness...."

"Get on with it, Ham," Larry interrupted, mildly amused.
"OK, close your eyes real tight and get ready."

They were jabbed and both giggled instead of screaming — nurses hurt a lot more. Grown-ups were such scaredy-cats.

"F-f-forever...f-forever...f-forever," they said just right together. They appreciated symbolism too, it seems; they did feel different and special. They threw their arms around each other and got a round of applause.

Ally gave T.K. a big hug too and kissed his cheek even. T.K. didn't sometimes mind that as much kinda as he used to. Then Rocky did the same and T.K. blushed; then he blushed twice as much because he had blushed.

"We should do it for Maggie and Angie!" Rocky said.

"I can't do that," T.K. said, "dolls got no blood."

Ally and Rocky looked at each other, then at the ceiling. Some people just never get it, do they?

Ally said, "They're cousins already anyway."

Annie said, "Put some alcohol on your fingers again, and then I have good news and bad news. Which do you want first?"

"Good!" Rocky said and Ally nodded.

"Lisa's mama called and asked you two to come over for lunch. Or I should say you four; Maggie and Angie were specifically included."

"Is Cynthia coming too?" Rocky asked, very excited.

"That was the plan, I think," Annie answered.

"That means Rose will be there too. It'll be an Appleby fam'ly 'union!"

"You mean the other has Johanna? Cooool!" Ally said.

Jim said, "There's going to be eight of you in one house! Wow!"

Rocky threw her head back and her hands up. Ally slumped over the table. How was one supposed to deal with such ignorance?

Ally said, "You knooow who Maggie and Angie are, and Rose and Johanna are their other cousins."

"Yeah, Jim," Annie said, "the Appleby cousins are famous. They live in the 1890's, in all different parts of the country, and they have adventures and have books written about them. And still they will come and live with you if you want them to. How can you be so ill informed?"

"Unfortunately," Larry said, "when they move in with you, they bring a thick catalog of things for your parents to buy for them."

Rocky decided these people were getting close to teasing. She said, "Is it time to go yet?"

Ally turned to Rocky and said, "You know what we could do?"

Grace jumped in and said, "Wait, Ally, the bad news — you have to be back by two-thirty for some serious downtime."

Annie said, "Rocky, that means totally quiet time, understood?"

Ally didn't let Rocky answer. "Maybe we can have a New Year's Eve party with all the Applebys."

Annie sighed and said, "Rocky, did you understand me?"

Rocky said, "Yeah. Can we go now? We can take their nightgo...."

"Slow down, you two," Larry said, "and pay attention."

Uh-oh, those words never preceded anything good, and they noticed they were being tag-teamed too. These people had obviously been plotting something behind their backs.

"I want this clear now," Grace said. "If you're going to stay up until midnight tonight, you're going to spend an hour and a half on the bed reading and doing quiet things this afternoon."

"'K, 'K," Ally said, that was all way to far away to worry about now.

"We haven't got to the worst part," Annie said as she wrapped an arm around Rocky. "Rocky is going to be at home and, Ally, you will be upstairs over here for that time."

"WHAA!" Shock! Abhorrence! Heresy! Anathema!

"Either that or go to bed at the regular time tonight," Larry said. "At two o'clock today, you will have been here for seventy-two hours, Ally, and, except for your visits to Grama, almost every second of that you have been with Rock. You two sleep together, dress together, wash together, brush your teeth together. Do you even go to the bathroom together?"

Ally and Rocky blushed and almost giggled; they had only done that twice, but weren't about to discuss it in public.

"I'm certain ninety minutes apart won't cause your ears to fall off," Larry finished.

But could he be totally sure, just because it had never happened before? Ally and Rocky looked at each other. They were outnumbered by much larger foes. Eventually they decided, either by telepathy or empathy, that that was a long time away, and the sky might fall first or, although it was far less likely, the grownups might see reason and change their minds. So they would go along with it for now.

Ally said with great sadness, "While 'm gone, can ya' bring Bucephalus over an' my little 'corder an' Benny and his new...."

Larry said, "While you're getting the dolls, put the things you absolutely need for those ninety minutes in Annie's entry. I'll get Steve's wheelbarrow and bring them over."

Rocky asked, "When do we get to go?"

Annie said, "By the time you get all ready, it won't be totally ridiculously early."

Rocky had her coat on by the end of that sentence and was moving to the back door as she said, "Mama, can you call Cynthia and 'mind her to bring Rose' ni'go'n. Maggie can wear her new blue dress and her hair in a French brai..."

Ally followed doing the counterpoint, "They need to take their dolls too. I'll put Angie in her dress with the pearl buttons and her buckl...."

The door closed on the last words of both parts, but Annie answered the air, "The number is written down next door, and you are big enough to use the phone, but she will probably bring it anyway. Bye, My Love."

Larry said, "Have fun, Puddin'."

Grace added, "See you at two-thirty. I love you."

Jim and T.K. both laughed at these signs of early onset senility.

The stop next door took much longer than either Rocky or Ally had expected. Maggie and Angie had to be completely changed, and in their case that meant new bloomers and two new petticoats each, as well as new dresses, and then both had to have their hair fixed. (Things that neither Grace nor Annie would have dared try with their dolls.)

Ally had to find his new copy of The Book of Three (He had read it before, but never in a hard cover!) and put it in the entry. Benny (Ally's Benny, not Amy's) and two changes of his clothes and his bottle also had to be placed in the entry, along with Bucephalus and Ally's alto recorder (He had a tenor one too, but hadn't learned the fingering for it yet.) and music books. Ally's backpack had to be emptied in order to carry the things Maggie and Angie were going to need.

Then disaster struck: Maggie had misplaced her doll! The study and Rocky's room were ransacked in the search before she was found visiting three girls that were her height and were in a rock and roll band together. Then the two rooms were half unransacked, out of fear, I think, but it might have been consideration.

Finally, they dashed out, without gloves and with hoods down, into the almost January Midwest.

All right. Now I'm going to take a bit of revenge on screenwriters, playwrights and directors everywhere. You know, they never have to explain settings or describe rooms; they don't have to give details of appearance or clothing; movements, entrances and exits seldom have to be addressed at all. Of course, I draw attention to certain items by just mentioning them, but for creators of visual narratives all that is unimportant. Those things are only discussed with grips, gaffers and other lackeys, and then it all blends together in a general background texture.

So, we are going to move down the street, without a pan or a fade or a dolly truck, and continue this story and, since this will all blend together in Ally's memory, it remains a single scene for us. Try that Opie, I mean Howard. And while we're on the topic, how would you handle a string of sub-vocalized thoughts, Spielberg? You guys don't even like soliloquies anymore.

"Thus with imagined wing our swift scene flies in motion of no less celerity than that of thought...Play with your fancies and in them behold...a city on th' inconstant billows dancing, for so appears this fleet majestical holding due course to Harfleur. Follow, Follow! ...to France."

Or at least to Lisa's house, five doors down the street.

Ally and Rocky reached Lisa's walk hand and hand at the end of a noncompetitive skipping contest but, as they started up the walk, Ally suddenly got much slower than Rocky. Annie must have foreseen the troubles getting ready, because while they weren't totally ridiculously early, they were slightly ridiculously early. However, they were close enough to the right time for Lisa to open the door before they got to the porch.

"Hi, Rocky. Hi, Maggie. Hi, Angie," Lisa called from the door.

"Hi, Lees; is Cynthia here yet?" Rocky said.

"No, she can't come 'til after lunch becuz her grandmom is here."

Once Ally got in the door, Lisa said hi to him and Ally answered, not so loud that anyone could hear, but they both saw his lips move.

Lisa was wearing off-white cargo pants with lots of pockets — even some below the knees, a long-sleeved red knit shirt and thick argyle socks. Her very blonde hair was in a bun because she was dancing at her church that evening. .

She took Rocky's coat and hung it up for her. Rocky had on forest green corduroy overalls and a very pale green sweat shirt with a store name in silver sequins on it (It might have once been white and gotten washed with almost anything else Rocky owned.), and teal trainers over kelly green socks. Her hair was braided in new pigtails.

Ally was left to find a hook for his own coat, but it wasn't hard. He was wearing jean-cut navy corduroys and a roll neck sweater that was knitted out of different colors of yarn, so it looked like it had small horizontal stripes of bright red, bright yellow, burgundy, mustard, dark blue, tan and dark brown. His shoes were white and so were his crew socks. His hair was parted in the middle and was now kept just long enough to make a ponytail (his preferred way to sleep these days). It hid his ears and, if he had had a regular collar, it would have reached the bottom of it.

Rocky said, "This is Ally. We just 'came blood sisters today; see." Well, Rocky was sure she could see a tiny red spot on her fingertip anyway.

"How do you become that?" Lisa asked and after Rocky explained, rather than be excited and happy for them, she said, "Eww, gross." Then she asked Ally, "Why did you bring Angie out without her cape? She could get a cold."

Ally felt bad; he had tried to zip Angie inside his coat, but couldn't, and this attack on his mothering skills by a stranger seemed a bit much. He had to explain that he had only got Angie this Christmas and that he didn't have her cape yet.

Lisa said "Really, I thought Rocky said you were ten. I got Johanna when I was seven. This year I got her a new dress — she has five now — and her desk and her canopy bed.”

Ally could not think of a good excuse for waiting so long to get Angie, but did have a mild comeback. "Angie has three dresses already and a canopy bed too."

"I also got a new charm bracelet and this locket of real silver and a new 'puter game to design clothes with," Lisa said.

I think I should explain. Lisa isn't always this catty — well, she can be a lot worse actually — but she isn't always. Just over four months ago, she’d learned that she had been downgraded from co-bestest friend to mere co-best friend, and she had not taken it too well. This is her first meeting with the new, and solo, holder of the title she used to share with Cynthia. She didn't really think this was the best way to get the title back, but it had presented itself.

"Oh, I got a locket too," Ally said, and he wondered if bragging was contagious. He also felt what he was saying was sort of a lie. "Grama gave it to me, and it is really, really old. It's a silver heart and has an angel like carved into it." The truth was that his grama had told Steve to give the locket to Danni and that is what the gift tag had said, but the package had been delivered to Ally to keep safe for Danni forever. (The last five times he had seen his grama, she had called him Danni.) Grace had removed the pictures of herself and her sister as very young girls and replaced them with pictures of Grama and Danni.

Lisa asked if she could see it and was told that it was only for very special occasions. She tilted her head just enough to imply that she didn't consider such things real presents.

All right — hmmm. This party is going to last for three hours, and a lot is going to happen that I want to tell you about, but we don't need to witness everything. Actually, I've already discovered we can't; my perspective, it appears, is limited to what helps the narrative. So I'm going to cut from important conversation to important conversation and leave out much of what happens in between. Yes, yes, I'm going to do a montage in text. I know — I'm stealing this from movies; Howard and Spielberg could probably do it better. And right after I gloated about my advantages over them too. Doesn't it always turn out that way? So imagine a split screen with these bits flashing up on different parts or something like that:

***

Lisa quickly agreed to the New Year's Eve party idea (At last, one point in her favor; she did have an absolute veto, it being her house and all.) and even thought the Applebys should be in their nightgowns if they were going to be up that late, but decided that it was only polite to wait for Cynthia to get here with Rose before they were changed. She admired Maggie's French braid and decided to give Johanna the same. Ally had Angie's hair in an Alice-In-Wonderland, and Lisa prodded him to do a French braid too, until he admitted that he didn't know how.

"That's 'cause you keep your hair so short. Does your mother want you to be a boy or something?

Ally opened his mouth to explain; he said, "I — can get it ready faster this way. 'guess." When he started to say something else, it just wouldn't sound right.

He watched Rocky and Lisa do Johanna's and Angie's hair and almost learned how to do it.

***

During lunch Lisa said, "Gosh, maybe you're not such a tomboy after all. I mean, Rocky told us about you and soccer and building houses and stuff, but at least you eat like a human and not like a boy, the way Rocky does sometimes.

Ally knew that the only reason he was eating slowly and politely was because he was in a strange place. "I just like little bites sometimes. Sometimes I eat lots faster," he said. He really wanted to say more but couldn't.

Rocky stuffed an entire quarter sandwich in her mouth and said, "WWat yoooa meaon Yi aat wike ya bouy?"

Ally and Lisa laughed really hard and got their hands ready to slap her back when she choked, but she didn't.

***

"My teacher says I'm not s’pose to go on point yet ever," Lisa said, "but I can, see? Try it." And then she did a pirouette, but not on point.

Rocky was able to get on to her toes and stayed there almost a whole nanosecond. Ally couldn't even get close.

Lisa said, "Ally, you should take lessons. You're real narrow the way a bal'rina should be."

Ally shook his head. He thought Lisa looked wonderful doing her moves, but one person's sneer one time had ruined the idea of taking dance lessons for him forever.

***

Cynthia finally (!) arrived. Everyone ran to the entry; Ally stopped at the door. She was wearing a rainbow-striped stocking cap with three different colored pompoms and a dark blue canvas coat with red collar and cuffs. She had on denim jeans with the cuffs rolled up to show the plaid lining. When she took her hat off, Rocky and Lisa went wild (Ally would have gone wild too, but he was way too busy being shy.). Every hair on her head had been strung with beads about half way up; there must have been about a thousand beads, they thought. Her black, straightened hair wasn't braided, just pulled through, and then each strand was tied off. Unfortunately, she said, her brat little cousins had used a bunch of the beads, but they could all do theirs when the brats went away. Ally was very disappointed because he knew he would be gone by then too.

Then Cynthia took her ugly coat off, and Ally saw something even more wonderful. She was wearing a yellow very, very fuzzy v-neck sweater with little silver beads sewn around the collar that he thought was magnificent. Rocky and Lisa didn't pay any attention to it, but Ally wished he could just touch it or, at least, say how great it was.

Cynthia finally noticed Al, and ran over to him and said, "You must be Ally. I've been hearing about you for ages and ages and ages, and now I get to meet you. It's like meeting someone real famous. I'm Cynthia."

Ally grew a huge smile and managed to say an audible, "Hi."

Then Cynthia said, "That's a really neat sweater. It's got so many colors."

Ally replied, "I think your sweater is real great too. Can I pet it?"

Cynthia giggled and said, "Sure, it doesn't bite." And Ally giggled and blushed at using that word too (Being shy is counter-productive, isn't it?).

Cynthia rescued him. "Wanna swap?" she said.

Ally was startled by the generosity, he said, "Huh?"

"Not forever. I'd get skinned if I didn't wear it home." Cynthia rolled her eyes to stress that. "Just for t'day."

"But I might mess it up," Ally objected.

"Then you buy me a new sweater. That's what parents are for." Cynthia giggled; she wasn't nearly that mercenary or callous, and she trusted Ally.

When Ally got the sweater on, he didn't even think about being in someone else's house and went and stood on a chair so he could look in the mirror in Lisa's living room. Cynthia's pale blue turtleneck had looked better under it than his royal blue crewneck, but he thought that he looked pretty

***

First, Rose's hair had to be fixed like Maggie's, Angie's and Johanna's was. Then they were changed into their nightgowns. Of course, Cynthia had brought Rose's nightgown just in case. While everyone was busy changing the Applebys, Lisa said, "I hope I get Angie some day; she has the prettiest ni'gown — 'cus a' the lacey ruffles on the front and cuffs— and I want a nightie like it."

Ally said, "They can get each other’s clothes and stuff; they trade things in the books. Can't they?" He had Rose's bed and hoped this was permitted.

Lisa said, "Yeah! Shoot, now I gotta wait for my bird'day."

"I like the yellow ribbons on Johanna's n'gown. It's my fav'rit color," Ally said.

Cynthia said, "My favorite is blue, either bright like your shirt or real light like mine," and lifted up Ally's sweater to show everyone.

"Mine is either pink or red, can't 'cide," Lisa said.

Ally said, "Rocky's is purple." And everybody laughed except Rocky.

Finally, Rocky said, "Na-uh, I really like orange!" and started laughing too.

Rocky asked Ally, "You gonna wear your nightie like Angie's for the party t'nite?"

"That was sent by 'stake, I think," Ally said, "'Cuz I never wear 'em."

"But ya can wear it once; you brought it. It'll be pretty, and I'm gonna wear mine to match Maggie's ni'gown."

"I'll ask Mom if it's 'K. Maybe I could wear Da -- the locket too, 'cuz it's an 'casion," Ally said.

"If you never wear nighties, what d'ya wear to bed?" Lisa asked.

"Ni'shirts — ol' T-shirts, mostly."

"See," Lisa said, "your mom does want you to be a boy."

"Gah, Lees," Cynthia said, "I wear T-shirts a lot too. She doesn't have big brothers, Ally, You don't know 'bout hand-me-downs, Lisa. Wait 'til Scot wears your old nighties someday."

Lisa and Cynthia started laughing.

Ally started to say something but still couldn't make the words sound right, so he laughed too.

Then Rocky did.

***

At exactly ten hours and thirty minutes before the real time the top was popped on the champagne. — Well, it was sparkling cider, but it popped and fizzed and did all the important stuff. — All eight of them kissed all eight of them and yelled "Happy New Year" and then went outside and popped a whole bunch of those things that pop when you throw them down hard.

None of the Applebys seemed at all cold, in spite of being out in just their nightgowns.

***

"Really, you've only read four of the Appleby books? What do you read then?" Cynthia asked.

“Right now I'm reading the Prydain series 'gin. It's really neat! I got all five in hardback for Christmas," Ally said.

"What's it 'bout?" Cynthia asked.

"This boy named Taran," Ally said; then he smiled as he added, "He's an 'sistant pig-keeper."

Rocky laughed; she had just finished reading the series, and that was what you should say to someone who hadn't read it.

"Eww, bluck," Lisa said, "and you like that?"

"No, it's real, real good, Lees. I'll lend it to ya," Rocky said.

"Lend it t' me first. I want to read it," Cynthia said.

Ally said, "I was almost Taran for Hol'ween this year. It's great."

"My mom wouldn't let me be even a vampire," Lisa said, "I gotta be something girl. But you two are part boy anyway, I think."

Cynthia was appalled that Lisa would say something like that, but Rocky thought it was kinda funny.

Ally started. "I real..." but couldn't get it to sound right.

***

As he and Rocky got their coats on, Ally said, "Thanx for invitin' me. It was lots and lots of fun."

Lisa said, "Bye, Ally, nice to meet you. You are really nice, even if you are almost as much a tomboy as Rocky," and gave Ally a good hug.

Ally said, "I'm not really a tomboy, I'm..." but what he wanted to say just wouldn't sound right.

Lisa said, "I know! Your mom keeps doing boy stuff to ya'. Make her stop!" and stomped her foot, which made Ally laugh.

Cynthia gave him an even better hug and said, "I think you're even sweeter than Rocky, and I didn't think that was pos'ble. Make your parents move!"

***

Screen goes totally white. The whole screen does a slow fade-in to Rocky and Ally walking up the street. Ally is about six steps behind with a backpack over just one shoulder. Both carry their dolls, who are still in their nightgowns; Rocky carries hers with her arm across her chest; Ally's dangles at his side by just one hand as if she has no feelings at all. Just as the screen reaches full brightness, Rocky turns around and says:

"You u'set 'cus they thought you were a girl?"

Ally shook his head; some things were bothering him, but that wasn't one of them at all. He said, "You didn' tell 'em I was, di'cha?"

"’Course not. Why would I?"

Ally just shrugged; he had never imagined Rocky had, but he wondered how they didn't know he wasn't a girl. Rocky slowed down so they could walk together and took Ally's hand.

There were three things that did bother Ally right now. The first was not that he had never told Lisa and Cynthia that he was a boy, that didn't bother him at all. But it bothered him a lot that it didn't bother him. He took honesty seriously, and lies of omission usually counted to him. The second thing was that he had tried to tell them the truth, but every time he had started to, it had felt like he was about to tell a lie. He could not understand that.

It was too close to the beginning of his life and too close to the events for him to think about them so clearly, however. He knew there were two things, and he knew what they were, but that is not the same as being able to put a name to them. It was a confusion to him rather than a puzzle. So he could not talk about these things yet. Not even to Rocky, and that was a gigantic 'even'.

The third thing was clearer to him. He could talk to Rocky about it and finally, he said, "I suck at being a boy, and I stink at being a girl."

Rocky stopped walking and let go of Ally's hand. Then she put her hand on Ally's forehead like she was checking for fever — a strange gesture, but something she liked to do when people were feeling bad. She started to say that Ally was wrong about both, but then realized — or rather felt — she had no idea what being good at being a boy or at being a girl would really mean. Instead she said, in what she thought was a huge understatement, "You are the best — the most very most bestest Ally in the whole wide entire universe."

Ally took her hand again and wordlessly dared her to try to beat his new world-record-breaking highest skip ever. And she did!

* ** *** ** *

Ice

"Fields or doors, Ally? Jenny?" Jim asked.

"Fields!" they said together.

"Are you nuts?" Gail said, "It's below 20 degrees out there."

"Yeah," Ally said. "Ms. Welton will probably cancel outside recess 'gin."

"'Sides we aren't old and decrepit like all of you," Jenny added.

Jim tried to do a creaky old person's voice, "That's right, Young-un, life ends at thirteen, and then it's all downhill."

"No kidding," Jenny said, "Look at T.K., he's already dead, just still moving."

T.K. said, "Just let them out on this side, then we can go behind the field house and skip the kiddy line."

"He speaks!" Jenny shouted. Those were his first words since he had gotten into the car, and she had a totally unrequited crush on him.

"You want to get out here?" Jim asked.

"Yeah, that's better." Ally said. The lower school carpool line was extra long because of the cold weather, and they could play soccer longer if they ran across the fields.

"OK," Jim said, "but take your stuff to the pavement before you start playing, and keep your hoods up and your coats zipped."

"Yes, Mothhheeer," Ally said with an excessive amount of exasperation in his voice. Then he stuck his tongue out at the back of Jim's head and Jenny followed suit. They thought it was a waste of a perfectly good expression, but they had forgotten about the rearview mirror.

"Don't stick your tongues out at me, or you'll have to walk to school tomorrow," Jim said.

Jenny said, "Oh no, he already has parent eyes, poor old thing."

T.K. said, "Hurry or you're going to make us late again; just get you stuff and go."

Jenny and Ally rolled their eyes at each other; every morning they were in the car at least five minutes before anyone else, and every morning they were accused of making the others late while they were getting out.

Ally said bye and closed the door.

Jenny said, "Good bye, T.K., it has been a pleasure talking to you," then closed her door.

Gail turned around and smirked at T.K.

He said, "Don't look at me like that; I'm nice to them in the afternoons, aren't I? You don't have to ride back here with them first thing every day."

"T.K., you need to start drinking coffee or go to bed earlier," Gail said.

Ally and Jenny ran over to the game field and took a sharp right; they would have had to be chased by several tigers before they would have stepped onto that piece of ground. Then they jogged towards the tiny creek that bisected the school's land. Just as they turned to follow the creek that would bring them to the two practice fields that served as the lower school playground, they heard several teachers start clapping their hands and saw that even Ms. Yunger, herself, had come out to chase everyone inside. She was the Lower School Head and always smiled and joked and knew everyone's name, but she was also the person you saw when you got into really bad trouble, so, even if that had never happened to them, all the students thought she was the most intimidating person in the world.

Ally and Jenny, with no more reason to hurry, slowed to a walk and strolled along the creek. The creek was about three feet wide at its widest and two feet deep at its deepest, but its banks were totally unkept so it was hidden by thick brush, and only the most intrepid of salamander hunters ever ventured down to it. (Which, of course, was the reason the area was unkept.)

When they had just reached the far side of the game field, Ally and Jenny heard a splash and then sobs. They went over to the edge of the thicket and saw a boy sitting in the water with ice cubes (really, very thin sheets) floating around him; he kept putting his head in the water as he cried.

Jenny whispered, "Do you know who it is?"

Ally nodded and said, "He's in the new class." (The school added a roomful of students at fourth grade but didn't mix them in until fifth.)

Jenny said, "I'll get Ms. Hawkins." She dropped her books and sprinted away.

Ally called, "Hell-O."

The boy said, "Damn it. Damn it. Just go away. Go away and leave me alone."

Ally made his way through the brush and said, "Aren't you cold?"

"'Course I'm cold, Idiot. — — — goddamn mother-fucking asshole shit headed bastard sonofabitch."

Ally tried not to be impressed; he had heard his peers use all those words but never so smoothly or all at once; even T.K.'s friends weren't so eloquent. He reached the edge of the creek just beside the boy and said, "Com'on, you're gonna get sick."

"I wanna. I wanna. I wanna die. — Just go — Goway! Goway."

"Wha' hap'ned?"

"None ur 'amn bidness — u so lucky, Ally, play with girl, OK. With boys; lots a friends, no one mind, can do anything, every like; not me...teased, laugh. Wish I wa' b you."

"Come on; Let's go." Ally looked for Jenny and grown-ups; he saw trees and bushes.

"NO! No. — I — just fix'n Tam's hair, call pussy; just fix'g 'er hair, six. Cry woul coul'n' — so he hit — he not 'pose to there, he s'po to 'gone. No' father real, you know that — he not. Hate 'im! He- he — 'cus a me, 'cus I horrible."

Ally tried again softly. "C’mon inside."

"Shit,fuck,damn go go who care's — 'bout me. No on — I can't nothing — go! — Hell hit again."

Ally had come to the end of his words. He had to do the only thing he had to do. He sat in the water and tried to put an arm around the boy, but the boy's head jerked away and he yelped in fear.

Ally saw the red mark turning blue on half the boys face, The boy yelled, "Go away!" then moaned, now much quieter, "die, die... always wrong — 'ca him. He'll kil'. I wish wo'd then be dead."

Again Ally put his arm around the boy, much, much more carefully; this time keeping his hand far from the boy's head. He found eight more words, but only eight: "I will be your friend forever. Don't die."

"No don' wan — Not with him. He hate.... Damn fu — bas — ," and now the boy had also come to the end of words.

I am a narrator. I can tell you all that happens around me if it helps this story; I can hear and report sub-vocalized thoughts; I can interpret minute emotional responses, often better than the character can. But all I interpret, hear or tell depends on the dramatis personae within my perception. Now there was no thought, no act, no time.

Jenny was the first person Ally saw. Mr. McGee, his teacher, was the first to reach him. Ms Hawkins was right behind. Mr. McGee picked Ally up. He carried Ally out of the thicket. Without putting Ally down, he made a call on his cell phone.

"I'm 'K," Ally said, "Help 'im. — Don't call his father–Don't call his father. — Help 'm–I'm 'K."

Ms. Hawkins, Jenny, and the boy came out. He wasn't resisting, but he wasn't helping. Mr. McGee put Ally down. He went back to the others.

Mr. Jeffers, the grounds keeper, was coming on his cart very fast. He stopped and Ms. Welton, the nurse, got on. They sped past Ally to the others. The boy was wrapped in a blanket. Two big bags were pushed off the cart. The boy was put on the back. Mr. Jeffers wrapped Ally up and carried him to the cart. Jenny rode up front, Ms. Welton on the tailgate. They went to the back door. Mr. Jeffers carried the boy in. They disappeared.

Ally said, "Don't tell his dad. Don't. Don't — don't."

Ms. Welton led Ally and Jenny past the lunchroom ladies into the hall. She removed her gloves and rubbed her hands. She felt their necks and foreheads. Ms. Yunger was there; she felt their necks too. She guided Ally and Jenny towards the office. Ms. Welton was gone.

Ally said, "Don't let him take him; don't tell him."

They got to the office; Ms. Yunger said, "Yolanda is Dr. Paulsen on her way? Jenny, who drove you this morning; did you come together?"

Jenny said, "With Jim."

Mr. McGee had just come in from the front. He said, "Ally's brother, a senior."

"Ally, go into my office and take off everything that is wet. Jenny, you too in Eliz...Ms. Chen's. There are towels for you. No one will come in. We will get you more blankets and clothes. Elizabeth, can you get some soup or broth for them from the lounge before you go to the infirmary? Yolanda, have Patty page Jim Greyson and tell him to drive to the backdoor — tell her to open the bookstore and get three — six sets of sweats,...

Ally said, "Don't call his father; don't let him come please!"

"...youth medium or smallest adult. Send them with Jim. Have him stop by the field house for six pairs of socks. Don't tell her anything else now, Yolanda, there isn't time anyway. John, your class? Peggy's?"

Mr. McGee said, "In art, Trish is free 'til 9:30. Peg's has scheduled gym. She's in the infirmary."

Ally said, "Don't tell his father. He's scared. Don't tell him. Don't let his father come!!"

"Good, stay here. Call Mr. Larski or his associate, Kandon or something. Tell them all you know. Tell them I say hospital, definitely, and to let the hospital report first. Dr. P. will want to know what he said as soon as she gets here. Don't let anyone in with them except...."

Ally screamed, "Don't Tell His Father! Don't!! Don't Let Him Come!!!"

Ms. Yunger wheeled on Ally, in the process she went from eighty mph to ten. She put a hand on Ally's arm and two fingers under his chin — she looked into his eyes — she spoke very slowly: "Ally, I will not tell anyone — I will not leave him alone with anyone — I will not let him go with anyone — until I am thoroughly, totally, positively certain — that he will be absolutely, completely, utterly safe. — I promise. — I promise. — I promise."

She raised her eyebrows and waited patiently. Ally nodded once, and she got back to eighty like her name was Unser instead of Yunger. "You two hurry, out of the wet things. Giddy-up. And rub your legs and eat your soup! John, no one in there except Linda; she will check as soon as the other one is OK; Jim with Ally, I guess. Yolanda, call me in the infirmary with his pediatrician's number, then call some coach and have someone get six pairs of socks out to Jim Greyson; tell them to steal them. There have to be twelve clean socks in there somewhere." She was out the door on her way to the infirmary before she finished.

With his nod, Ally's speed had dropped even faster than Ms Yunger's had. It had started higher and ended slower. Now he was suddenly very, very cold. He and Jenny turned and headed towards the back offices, and Jenny asked, "Who was that kid, Ally?"

It took a lot more words than he wanted to speak right now, but Ally managed to say, "Joseph Edwards."

* ** *** ** *

Crumbs

Benny fell right on the top of his head and rolled down three steps.

Ally sighed very, very deeply. He had been trying to carry Bucephalus, Angie, Benny, Andre (Why do skunks always have French names?), a brush and a ponytail holder all at the same time and to keep them all comfortable. And his nightie kept sliding off his shoulder because the twelve buttons, which were in back, were all unbuttoned too. He sat everybody down, hiked up his sleeve and then tried to pick all of them back up.

Jim came around the corner and looked up the stairs. He smiled at Ally's predicament but only because Ally was turned the other way and couldn't see him. He said, "Ally, what are you doing? Trying to get me in trouble? You're supposed to be asleep."

"I need help with my buttons," Ally said, "and with my ponytail."

Jim had seen Ally in bed, in a nightshirt and with a ponytail (which Ally fixed without help every night) a half hour ago. He walked up the stairs to Ally and said, "What happened to what you were wearing?"

"It had toothpaste or something on it." It was a horrible excuse, but it was the best Ally had been able to come up with.

"And you don't have anything left that you could get into alone? You hardly ever wear this one," Jim asked as he started on the buttons.

That would have defeated the whole purpose, Jim. "I wanted to wear this tonight," Ally said.

Jim looked at Angie, Benny, Bucef and Andre. He knew Ally didn't usually need this much company to walk downstairs. "Does this have something to do with yesterday, Al?"

Ally was perfectly still and perfectly quiet. That was more affirmative than any affirmative answer could have been.

Jim said, "Want to watch this movie with me? I have to watch it for English class."

"'K. Is T.K. watching too?"

"Nah, he's upstairs playing with his dumbbells."

"You mean Carl and Greg are here?"

Jim laughed, mainly over how fast the promise of company had cheered Ally up. He had finished the buttons and the ponytail and asked, "Do you have something on your feet? Lift up your hem so I can see."

Ally lifted his nightie up to his knees. He was wearing the bright yellow and bright red striped socks that had been part of his witch's costume last Halloween. T.K. had been able to get out of art class just before the lower school parade and party; he had helped Ally paint his whole face green, paste on the ugly nose and eye brows, and ratted Ally's hair. Ally had looked spooky enough to impress everybody, and even the worst of the boys had not mentioned that the costume included a dress. The only problem was it took two whole days to get out all the tangles T.K. had made out of his hair. Ally was thinking about maybe being a good-witch next year.

Jim picked up the skunk, the two dolls and the brush, leaving only the horse for Ally, and took her hand.

Halfway to the den, Ally said, "I felt lonely."

Without letting go of her hand Jim pulled Ally's arm around so he could have an arm across her shoulder.

"Mom and Dad really didn't want to go tonight, you know. It's more a meeting than a party. They thought you were doing OK but were still very worried. But they have bosses too."

Ally sighed. He didn't want anyone to get in trouble or to worry about him or to even stay home. He just wanted them to be here.

"They are proud of you," Jim said.

"PPhfffft," (That's not exactly the sound Ally made, but it's as close as I can get to it.)

"Ally," Jim exclaimed, not loudly, "you're a hero."

"GruPhpffftt" (Ditto previous parenthetical.) It was when Jim talked this kind of nonsense that Ally realized Jim had somehow, at some time, become a grown-up. That made him very sad and very happy.

"You made a sacrifice, one that might have turned out to be dangerous, in order to help someone else. That's one pretty good definition of a hero, even without the danger part. And it's one of Mom's and Dad's too. — Plus you got to ride on Mr. Jeffers' cart; that must have made you a hero to everyone from fifth grade down."

Ally gave a tiny chuckle. That last part was kind of true, at least. That morning he and his mom, Jenny and her dad, Ms Yunger and Ms Chen had all had a meeting. They decided that all they would tell the other students was that Joseph had felt bad and went to the creek to be alone, and that Ally had tried to help him, and they had gotten wet. They had agreed that was all true and any more might hurt Joseph. But it was OK to say more to Jim, T.K. and Gail; Ally had made sure of that especially. Afterwards, Ally had had to talk to just Ms Chen about being sad for a while.

Ally started to go to his usual chair, but Jim grabbed the pillows out of it and threw them at an arm of the couch. He motioned for Ally to lie down and then put a throw over her. He sat at the other end of the couch, placed her feet on his lap and turned the movie back on. After three lines, he thought that this might not be an appropriate movie for her, but decided it was too late.

About then Ally jumped up and started bushing crumbs off the couch onto the floor. Then he looked at Jim, and both of them said, "T.K.'s spot." When he saw the pinkie pointing at him, Jim remembered what to do so fast that Ally never knew he had forgotten.

Afterwards, Ally held his palm up to Jim's and said, "Your hands got Mom's shape and Daddy's size, that's why you're so good a p'ano player."

Jim paused the movie. That had been said so many times in this house that he knew Ally was just making noise. He said, "And you have totally Ally hands. That's why you're such a good recorder player."

Ally gave Jim's arm a head butt, then sat on his knees and leaned against Jim, his legs hidden by the nightie.

Jim asked her, "You think you will take piano again after I leave for college? You'll be able to get to it to practice then."

Ally really didn't want to think about Jim leaving right now, but new instruments were another thing entirely. He said, "Maybe or the flute." He locked his hands together and twisted his arms around in front of his chest in unusual contortions, as if to prove that he was ten and could, then added, "Or maybe the trumpet or drums."

Jim laughed and said, "Either of those would make Mom real happy. She just got T.K. trained to use headphones on his amp."

Ally smiled and said, "Da'n't help much. Do you gotta scream and grunt to play g'itar?"

"If you're T.K. you do, I guess."

It was quiet for ten or fifteen seconds, and Jim reached for the remote; just as he pushed the button, Ally said, "Jim, why would someone want to die?"

Jim re-pushed the pause button not quite fast enough to confuse the electronics. That was one hell of a question to throw casually at someone, but Jim did his best. "Part of the reason might have to do with the way the parts and the chemicals in the brain work together, Al, but I think the main thing is that the person just can't find his or her own joy,"

"You mean, they listen when people tell them they aren' s'pose to do things they like, and arn' nice to t'mselves."

Jim wasn't surprised that Ally had already heard that part of his father's speech. He wondered if his father knew that T.K. might need it early too, but thought that one more year might not be too late.

"That's right, then they don't have joy to give, which is a very hard thing. Sometimes the things those people say get inside you, and even after the people are gone, they eat at you like a monster from inside. It must be a lot of pain."

Ally was very quiet, but Jim didn't restart the movie yet, he squeezed her a little tighter and said, "You know what homonyms and synonyms are, right?"

Ally nodded. They had just finished that stuff in English — again — this year.

"There is another kind of nym too."

"Yeah, antonym."

"And another, Smarty, do you know it?"

Ally shook his head.

"Heteronym. It means two words spelled the same but pronounced differently for two meanings. Can you think of any?"

"Like tear and tear?" Ally said proud that he found one so fast. That one still threw him once in a while.

"Project and project."

Ally said, "Does and dose."

"You mean does and does, but my favorite is Ally and ally? Do you know what ally means?"

"Oh, like a friend in war. I don' think people wou'd pick me for that."

"Nah. We need allies in any kind of trouble, and I think it is perfect for you. Joseph was very lucky to have you for an ally yesterday. I don't know what will happen to him, Ally; it might be very hard for him to beat all the monsters, but I know you helped him fight one monster and will be his ally again if you have the chance. — Will you be my ally, Ally? I'll be yours."

Ally just snuggled up even closer to Jim and didn't give a verbal answer. He knew that he had just received a wonderful promise and didn't know what to say.

Well, you knew we were going to have to face the Ally/ally thing sooner or later, didn't you? And we will probably have to deal with it again. Jim wanted to proclaim Ally Ally the Ally or Ally Ally, but I begged him not to do that. I always capitalize epithets, and can you imagine having to deal with that kind of confusion in text? I'm also going to insist that, if — when — it comes up in the future, no one begins a sentence with a-l-l-y with the common meaning, so you can count on the capital letter to tell you what is meant.

While I have you here, you might have noticed we are also confronting another kind of confusion. Jim has switched the pronoun set he uses when thinking about or interacting with Ally. That, at least, will be short lived. Soon Jim is going to change to the same practice in that area that, I believe, Rocky must find very easy and natural. While what Jim is going to do may be practical for him and easy for Rocky, I think it would be very cumbersome to try to do this whole narrative their way. Therefore, even though I know it is imprecise, until Ally tells me that something else is better — and only Ally gets a vote, not even I do — I am going to stick to the established custom and practice. It is, after all, what Ally feels most comfortable with at this time.

Blame the flaws in the language or your imperfect pen. (Pen being a metaphor for me, although I use a keyboard. I'm not talking about the leaky thing you use on envelopes.) I will, however, make at least one symbolic change due to the statement Ally's going to make. You're not actually going to argue symbolism isn't important, are you? Go ahead, I dare ya'.

While we were talking about all that, Jim actually got to watch two whole scenes and a little more. Ally was busy processing and digesting stuff, and biting on a bead. Now he is antsy again. He said, "I can't understand them, what's happening?"

Jim pushed the pause button again and felt sure that it was possible to watch TV with him in the room when he was ten. (How soon we forget!) He didn't let any impatience show to Ally, however. "That's because this was written four hundred years ago, and they use old words, but if you read some and listen some, then suddenly it becomes easy. At least it did for me. Watching is easier than reading, because the actor's expressions and movements give you clues. But you have to pay real close attention at first."

"But wha' 're they doin' now?"

"This is a silly play. It's about a girl who runs away because this evil king — he's called a duke, but in her country he is like a king — anyway, he wants to kill her. Doesn't sound silly yet, does it? But it is. She goes into the woods and disguises herself as a boy. Then she meets this boy who is also hiding from the evil king and is in love with her, but he doesn't recognize her because of her disguise. And then she and the boy decide that she will pretend to be the girl she really is, so he can practice talking to her. So there's a girl pretending to be a boy pretending to be a girl. Sound silly to you yet?"

Ally nodded and laughed. He said, "Then when she is pretending to be a girl the second time, she could pretend to be a boy again!"

Jim said, "Back when they first did this play, girls weren't allowed to be actresses, so it would have really been a boy playing the part."

"What if a girl really, really wanted to be an actress back then and pretended to be a boy so she could...."

"Been done, at least once."

"And she got this part! Then it would be a girl pretending to be a boy pretending to be a girl pretending to be a boy pretending to be a...."

"Ally, gee, how many layers do you think this cake needs?"

Ally snickered and snuggled back up next to Jim and tried to watch the movie. Soon he had a bead between his teeth again. He almost got through two more scenes before he said, "Jim?"

Jim silently moved the pause button above cell phones on his list of the necessities for a civilized life. "Yes, Ally?"

"Have you ever tried to tell someone somethin', and when you started to say it, it felt like you were lyin' or makin' a x-cuse, though you weren't."

"That might have happened; but I don't remember it. I guess it would mean I didn't really, deep down, know what the truth was. Has that happened to you?"

Ally nodded but didn't say anything else. Just after he restarted the movie, Jim got an inkling as to what that might have been about and thought his answer might have been too straightforward.

Jim knew he had made an assumption about Ally; it was an assumption he was absolutely convinced was true. However, he was empirical enough that that certainty made it even more important for him to test and prove the assumption. He knew if he were to make understanding his two siblings his life quest, as he intended, it had to be done.

He also felt that this was not the best time to probe Ally. She had much on her mind, he knew, and was still under some stress because of yesterday. He did not want to add to that. Plus he had a family taboo, of a least four or five years standing and which had gotten stronger each year, to overcome.

All of this did not make this the ideal time to talk to Ally, but it is not easy to get any ten-year-old in a quiet and pensive mood, especially if you’re a big brother who can't demand attention the way a parent can. Although he knew that the information would not be perfect or conclusive, Jim decided the time was now, even if he dared only to broach the topic peripherally.

So he interrupted Duke Senior and asked her, "Ally, do you ever wish you were a girl?"

Ally tilted his head to the left, but only a little, and said, "Yeah, sum'times."

That was about all Jim had expected really and, as expected, it didn't help at all. It didn't tell him about Ally's view of herself. He did note, however, that the question did not seem to bother her, even now. Her answer had been a simple statement of fact. The bead had not even gone to her mouth. But then Ally said something that changed everything.

Ally said, "Oth'r times I wish I was a boy."

That was all. Still no squirming, no bead, no distress. Again, a simple statement of fact.

Jim tried to hide behind the imprecision of a child's speech but found no succor there. He felt sure this was scientific serendipity. The flaws in the experimental design had rendered an exceptional and unexpected datum.

Jim wondered how Ally could only feel lonely following something as odd as the event with Joseph. He wondered what ancient sages, who found the question "Who am I?" ineffable, would do facing this child's question. He said to Ally, "I'm glad we're allies. I think you are a hero every day, not just yesterday."

Ally shook Ally's head then put it in Jim's lap. Ally's legs were pulled further inside the nightie. Ally hugged Bucephalus.

Jim put the throw back over Ally; he kissed Ally's forehead, then started the movie. With one finger, he caressed the arc of Ally's ear.

I hope he watches this play again before the quiz and pays attention to the ending next time.

Ally slept.

Ally dreamed.

Scenes from a Kid's Life - Group 4: Dances, Storms

Author:

Jan S

Audience Rating:

General Audience (pg)

Publication:

Serial Chapter

Genre:

Transgender

Character Age:

Preteen or Intermediate

TG Themes:

Sweet / Sentimental

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

Ordinary events in the life of an unordinary child

who learns about the universe in the usual way: by growing up in it.

Scenes from a Kid's Life

Group 4: Dances, Storms

Scenes from a Kid's Life

Group 4: Dances, Storms
By Jan S
Edited by Amelia R (Many Thanks.)
©2006 by Jan S

Dances:

"By the foot prints in the butter," Josh said.

"You know how to tell if your house has mice?" he asked next.

"Which one do you want?" Sara Stern's mother asked Ally.

"Could I have the one with the all red jelly beans? Thanks," Ally said.

"Careful some of those are cinnamon," Mrs. Stern said as she put the cupcake on his plate.

"Your elephant is afraid to come inside. I want that red one there. Know why elephants have round feet?" Josh said.

"You like the hot ones?" Matt asked.

"I'm not demanding, but you have to say either please or thank you," the mother said to Josh.

"So it can walk on lily pads," Leah said. "That's old."

"You can have my red one, Ally," Alex said, "but I want it back if it's cherry." Matt and Hannah gave Ally some red jelly beans too.

"Either please or thank you," Josh said and put his red jelly bean next to Ally's plate.

Mrs. Stern tried not to smile and asked, "How many elephants can you get in your car, Josh?"

"Thanks, they're good, but you gatta save some juice to be safe," Ally said.

"You want it back after Ally's chewed it!" Hannah said, "That's soo gross."

"Seven," Josh said, "Two in front, three in the middle and two in back, I got a minivan. Why did the elephant paint his toe nails red?"

Alex said, "I was only kidding."

"To hide in the cherry tree," Hannah said. "Can I have that pink one?

"Now you're doing real old ones, Josh. Change subjec'," Leah said

"Say please, Hannah." Mrs. Stern said.

"Please," Hannah said and whispered, "Hannah," hoping the mother couldn't hear her and the kids could.

Josh said, "'K, this isn't an elephant joke. What's gray, has a trunk, is real big and likes peanuts?"

Hannah, Alex, Matt and Ally answered Josh by a staring at him. Leah said, "You call that not an elephant joke?"

"It's not. It's a beech tree with a squirrel in it joke," Josh said.

Hannah was holding a little red and white bear, and it jumped across the table to attack the bear by Josh's plate.

Matt said, "Come on, Ally, let's have a bear fight too."

"No! Mine's a nice bear," Ally said.

"Gaa," Alex said, "you're such a girl."

Matt said, "Mine'll fight yours, Alex."

"Nah," Alex said, "mine's a nice bear too."

OK — Confused yet? We really did jump into the middle this time; maybe I should explain the ground situation a little. This is Ally's class's Valentine's Day party, and they are all in the lunch room working on their sugar buzzes as fast as they can. The little bears were gifts from Mr. McGee to all the kids in his class. They had been holding a piece of candy, but the candy is long gone, and the bears are starting to get restless.

The other fourth grade classes are also in the lunchroom at their usual lunch tables. The fifth graders are having their party at the other end of the room, where the sixth graders usually sit during second lunch. (The sixth graders don't get a Valentine's party because they are going to have their first official real dance today after school — even though it's going to end at six-thirty, they think that makes them real hot shots — and all the little kids have to have their parties in their classrooms.) Still, there are a lot of kids in the room, and most of them are talking at any given time. The main way they can tell this is a party, and not a class or assembly, is because they don't have to take turns talking, and I don't have the heart to make them be orderly. Soon, however, they will cut out the chatter and get down to the serious fun.

"Hey," Ally said, "know what I saw in the newspaper? Scientist found out that dinosaurs use' to have races 'gainst each other."

"How could they find that out?" Matt asked.

"Yeah, that's dumb, Ally." said Leah.

Ally said, "Na-uh, they found dinosaur tracks, so they must a had races on them."

Hannah, Leah, Josh, Alex and Matt all groaned. The three closest red and white little bears, including Alex's who was supposed to be nice, became enraged and tried to attack Ally's bear. Ally, however, was fast enough to save her.

Leah said, "I'm gonna ask Mr McGee to move you from next to Josh, Ally. The class doesn't need two of him."

Alex asked, "Hey, who gave you that little box of chocolates, Ally?"

"I don't know; didn't have a name on it," Ally said.

"Boy, someone has a crush on you!" Leah said.

Josh said in a squeaky falsetto, "Ally has a secret girl-friend. Ally has a secret girl-friend." And they all giggled because, even if he was often a pain, Josh was never mean.

Ryan, who was at the far end of the next table, said, "Hah, probably a boy-friend if it's Ally." David and Michael laughed extra loud.

Leah said, "Just i'nore 'em, Ally. They're jerks anyway." Ally already was ignoring them. The only thing that bothered him was that David had laughed; he was Ally's bus buddy on field trips, and he was nice, and funny, until he got back together with Ryan and Michael.

Matt said, "Know that real big hill by that church with the big tower? Know what happened on that last snow day?"

Alex said, "It's a steeple not a tower, Matt."

"A steeple is like a tower," Hannah said in Matt's defense.

"You can't shoot arrows from a steeple," Josh put in.

"Could if you were skinny enough," Ally said.

"Whatever! I'm trying to tell a story here," Matt yelled.

"We were sledding on that hill, OK," Matt finally got to say, "and Alex's little brother hit a big stick going down. The sled jumps about twenty feet in the air (He kneels on the lunch room bench and raises his arm to stress the height of this feat.) and goes off this way; Alex's brother fell off, and he goes this way. He rolled about twenty feet and then slides about twenty more until he hits a tree. (Ally, who had just eaten three cinnamon jelly beans, took a big gulp of fruit punch at this point. It was poor timing.) Everybody is running to him and making plans for his funeral. Then her brother jumps up and yells, 'Put the stick back — I wanna try it again!' and her mom falls right over backwards."

Matt almost fell off the bench demonstrating, and all the kids started laughing extra hard. Red punch came out of Ally's nose, and the laughter got even louder. Everyone in his class and lots of other fourth graders looked over at their table. "Who gave you the bloody nose, Ally?" Josh yelled, which caused even more juice to escape through Ally's nostrils and everyone at all the nearby tables to join the laughter.

Mr. McGee strolled close to the table and, finally, Ally got a chance to swallow while Leah asked, "Did she really faint?"

"Nah, she was making snow angels when we got back to the top," Alex said, "but it was still real funny."

Hannah said, "Know what Josh and I did, we built a snow fort and...."

"Yeah, and we and Zack Dawson took on everybody on our street from other schools," Josh cut in.

As Josh and Hannah told different versions of the same snowball war, Ally looked around the room to see if anyone was still looking at him because of the punch snorting thing. One boy was: Joseph Edwards; his gray eyes stared intently at Ally from under his dark brown hair. Ally put his hand up by his shoulder and gave a very small, clandestine wave. Joseph quickly, and without any acknowledgement, turned away to look at the backs of the other kids at his own table.

That bothered Ally a little; when Joseph first got back to school, Ally had tried to talk to him a bunch of times, but Joseph had walked away and ignored Ally every time. Ally had had to talk to his mom about it. She had reminded him of the fox in "The Little Prince", and told him to just wait and be ready, because Joseph might be ready to be friends later. So Ally turned around to wait some more.

"That happened when they were in the fort," Hannah said.

"Oh, yeah,...but,..." Josh said.

"Hey!" Leah shouted, "Look what they're doing!"

Alex said, "What? Why can't we do that too?"

In one of the great injustices of the modern world, four TV screens and a whole bunch of pads for the dancing video game were being set up over by the fifth graders.

"That's not fair!" Ally said.

"Let's go talk to Mr. McGee," Josh said.

Josh, Leah, Ally and Alex instantly formed an ad hoc delegation and stormed over to where Mr. McGee was standing with some other grown-ups.

"Mr. McGee, how come they get to do that, and we don't?"

"It's unfair we can't too!"

"Why do only they get to?"

"Yeah, why not?"

Mr. McGee looked shocked, but then said, "Who says you can't? Who says you can't? Who says you can't? Who says you can't?"

The committee passed quickly from indignation to embarrassment to giggles. The fifth graders were going to get to go first, but they could go to the front of the line once the older kids had all had one turn. There were lots of other things to do while they waited, Mr. McGee told them. Regular dancing for the brave would take place on the stage, tables were set up for a tournament for the people who had brought their collectable card decks (no keepsies allowed), and some other games and contests were being set up too.

"And," Mr. McGee added, "three of the room mothers have brought stuff to do face painting. I know some of you guys are way too sophisticated for that, but they brought special colors, and I hope at least you four will let them paint you anyway."

I don't know about Alex, but Leah and Ally didn't think they were too sophisticated to do that, and Josh probably couldn't have thought of anything he was too sophisticated for. They were, however, happy to have an excuse not to have to pretend to be, even if it was as lame a one as being nice to a grown-up.

"But first, you have to clean up your table. That's not the lunchroom ladies job," Mr. McGee said.

Alex and Josh ran, and Leah and Ally skipped back to their class. After they told all the tables the news, Hannah said, "Wow, this is sooo much cooler then the parties we had when we were little kids." Then quickly stuffed the last of her cupcake in her mouth and asked, "Who's done it before? What's your longest combo?"

Most had done it and had combos of six or seven steps. Ally said, "I got a ten once but that was just lucky; my brother gets fifteens all the time."

Ryan came over from the other table and said, "Figures you would play girl video games too. Why don't you come to the card tournament, Ally? I'll kick you butt; I set up my deck last night and it is unbeatable."

Ally said, "I don't even have any of those cards. I do other things."

"Yeah," Hannah said, "Not everyone cares about that stupid game, Ryan."

"It's not stupid," Ryan answered, "you're just too dumb to figure it out. Too bad they don't have a doll corner. Ally probably would a' liked that."

Matt said, "Just go away, Ryan."

"Yeah, buzz off," Ally said.

"Well — look he even got a pink cupcake. I bet he's got dolls; he always reads Appleby doll books durin' quiet readin'," Ryan said.

"So what?" Leah said, "They're good. You should try one if you ever get up to reading chapter books."

"I read chapter books now!" Ryan said.

Mr. McGee came over to check the tables and sent Ryan off to get a sponge. Matt had wiped their table already, and Ally's group was ready to go. All six of them entered that Kid-at-a-Carnival space that we seem to lose the key to at puberty; their one and only task in life was to have fun, and they meant to do just that to the best of their ability and as fast as possible.

Josh, Alex, Leah and Ally rushed over to get their faces painted (Since Mr. McGee had given them that duty.). Alex got a Cupid painted on one cheek, and Leah got really neat looking roses painted on both hers. Ally asked for a red heart right where his third eye would have been. The lady added a pink outline and a pink arrow, and then she gave Ally a pink nose and red cat whiskers too. Josh got his face painted like a dog, complete with floppy ears; the lady put a heart shaped pink spot on one ear to make it valentinesy.

Josh went to the card tables after that; Ally, Alex and Leah went up on the stage to laugh at Matt and Hannah who were dancing. Soon the three of them were in a circle, moving to something like the rhythm; between songs a mother told them they were all good dancers and should go find partners; all three screamed and ran off the stage like she had yelled "Fire!"

They ran all the way to the mat where people had to put their hands and feet on different colored dots so that they got all twisted together. The girls almost didn't get to do it because they were wearing skirts, but Leah had shorts on under her skirt and lifted it up to prove it, so she could play. Alex wasn't, so she didn't and couldn't, but she didn't mind watching.

Ally's hair kept getting into his face at first, so Alex took off her hair band and gave it to him. It was a special one for today, white with red and pink hearts all over it. Ally started to put it on like a sweat band, but Leah stopped him before he messed up the heart on his forehead, and he put it across the top of his head and under the hair in back. After three rounds of the game, all of which ended in a massive heap with no clear winner, Alex noticed that some of the fourth-graders were doing the dancing video game, and they charged off to get in line.

Josh, David and Michael got in line right behind Ally and the girls. David and Michael had had their faces painted too: David had a tiger face, but with red stripes instead of black; Michael hadn't given in to the ladies, and his whole face was covered in dark green and olive drab camouflage. Ally, Alex and Leah gave each other knowing smiles; there were lots of heart shapes hidden in the camouflage, and they suspected Michael didn't know that.

The first song at the dancing game didn't go very well for any of them; with six people using each screen, it was necessary to watch different colors to tell how you were doing, and that was confusing. On the second song they all did better; Ally, Leah and Josh all got combos of four, but Alex and David got the highest scores out of the six.

After their second turn, Ryan came over, and David asked about his card game. Ryan mumbled something about not having enough energy in the middle of the deck, so Ally said something about fixing it and doing better next time. Ryan told Ally to mind his own business and got David and Michael to leave with him.

During the next round the kids were doing real well until the machine threw four doubles in a row at them; first a vertical, then two horizontals, then a vertical again. Alex got physically befuddled and fell down right across Josh's pad, and he fell on top of her. Several mothers jumped up, but no one was hurt, and everyone was laughing too hard to be mad, even though the spill had caused lots of people to miss a bunch of steps.

After that turn Josh saw Matt over at the free throw hoop and decide to go give him some advice, and Leah realized she needed to go to the restroom. She grabbed Ally's and Alex's hands to make them come with her. While walking down the corridor, Leah reenacted Alex's spill and sprawled on the floor. As she got up she said, "You should have just done a complete spin in the air instead."

Alex decided to try it even though it hadn't been serious advice. As she spun in the air, her skirt flared out enough to offend Leah's sense of modesty, so she wrapped her arms around Alex's legs to smooth the skirt down and both of them went sprawling across the floor yet again. By now all three were locked in a giggle fit. Alex looked up and down the hall to make sure it was safe and then tried to see just how high she could get her skirt to go. Leah decided she could do that too, in spite of her modesty, because she had shorts on under her skirt. Ally then started to twirl, but no matter what, he couldn't get his pants to flare out.

Just as they started to get dizzy, all the giggling turned Leah's need into an urgency; she grabbed the others’ hands again and pulled them to the girls' room door at a run. As he was pulled through the door, Ally yelled, "Aaarrghh," and Leah finally let him go as their laughter got even louder. Ally did one more spin then skipped through the next door and towards the fixtures on the back wall.

"Hey, girls don't belong in here."

Ryan, David and Michael were sitting on the sinks. Ally took a deep breath and continued towards the back.

"People with ribbons in their hair aren't 'lowed, Ally. Do ya' gotta' be so weird?" David said.

While Ally took care of business, Michael said, "He's got a pussy on his face, probably has one in his pants too. Must be pretending. Girls can't pee that way."

"Yeah, you need a wiener to do that, Ally," Ryan said through his laughter. "Do you have on panties too? With sweet little hearts on 'em?"

Ally finished and turned around. He said, "Ha, Ha," and decided this was a good time to break the rule about washing hands.

"Ha, Ha!" Ryan squeaked. "You're way too smart for us, aren't you? Always talking about how smart you are. Even know how to play our 'dumb games' better than we do. Just like a girl."

"Ashley told us you got a dumb little dolly you took to Leah's house," Michael said as he moved in front of Ally. "So prove you ain't wearing panties like your bow."

"I'm not; so just let me go."

"Prove it, and let me try on your ribbon and see if someone gives me a box of candy," Ryan said and got right in front of the door.

Ally gritted his teeth, then lifted his shirt and showed the top of his underwear. "Boxers. OK? Now get out of the way."

David said, "Let him go, Guys; we're gonna get in huge trouble."

"OK," Ryan said, "but from now on, girls gotta bring a box of candy anytime they come into the boy's bathroom, Ally."

"Yeah, like you make the rules, Ryan," Ally said.

"He's gonna go tell, Ryan. Jus' let him go," David said.

"Look, I'm tired of them making fun of me, so he can start doing something for me, and he better not tell," Ryan said, "or I'll give him a real bloody nose, and no one'll think it's cute and funny this time. Now give me the ribbon."

"Get out of the way, Jerk," Ally said.

Ryan grabbed the hair band and yanked Ally's head forward. Ally put his arms up and knocked Ryan back into the door handle. Ryan swung at Ally but completely missed him. "Watch it, Freak," Ryan said and grabbed Ally's neck. He pulled the hair band off and tried to push Ally to the floor. Ally was crying as he grabbed the hair band and tugged on it. Michael wrapped his arms around Ally's chest and began tugging on him.

David grabbed Ally's and Ryan's wrists and tried to pull them apart; he yelled, "Stop!!"

Ryan stomped on Ally's foot and kicked his shin. Ally kicked back hard at Ryan's knee and tried to kick Michael with his heel. "He even kicks like a little girl," Ryan said.

The restroom door opened, and Joseph Edwards hollered, "Hey! Leave Ally alone!"

Michael said, "Ooh, the cry-baby sissy has come to save the uber-sissy."

Ryan turned around; without letting go of the head band, he said. "What ya' gonna' do? Cry on us, Edwards?"

Joseph yelled, "Don't call me that! Get out or else!"

Ryan mocked, "Gweet out or telse. Wa Wa Wa."

Joseph lunged at Ryan, knocking him into the others. David was pushed backwards into the latch of one of the stalls, opening a gash on his back, and he cried out. The hair band ripped, and Ryan let it go. Ally fell into Michael; his head smacked into Michael's nose, and Michael's head smacked into the wall. Michael grabbed Ally's necklace (the gift from Rocky) as he hit Ally in the mouth with the other hand. The necklace broke, strewing beads all over the floor, and Ally's lip bled. Ally flew at Michael, fist flailing at Michael's face until Michael buried his head in his arms crying.

Ryan had grabbed Joseph and then kicked his feet from under him. Ryan tried to pin him to the floor, but Joseph had twisted away and pulled Ryan to the floor. Now bawling, Joseph knelt over Ryan, swinging wildly at the back of the also bawling Ryan's head, while David tried to pull Joseph away.

The door opened again, and Mr. McGee came in.

* ** *** ** *

Storms:

–FLASH–

One...Two...Three...Four...Five...Six...Seven...Eig -

–BOORRMB–

It was a dark and stormy night. Ally was lying in bed and counting his heartbeats: eight heartbeats — just over five seconds — over a mile. The lightning was hitting almost half way to the grocery store or just inside the big park, depending on the direction. A few years ago, back when lightning had scared him, his father had told Ally how to figure out how far away it was (or at least sort of just about), and he knew how far it was to those places because his father told him when they rode their bikes there, and he liked knowing stuff like that.

Ions, atoms with extra electrons, little tiny bits that carried electricity, or sort of did, got into big groups in the clouds and then decided to move to the ground where there weren't enough of them; or just the electrons did; or the other way round; or something like that. He'd have to ask someone to explain it — again. He always understood it for a little while after it was explained. He liked knowing stuff like that too, but he kept forgetting it. He didn't think he was very smart.

Why did Ryan think he acted like he was?

It was all his fault. He had messed up real bad.

–FLASH–

One...Two...Three...Four...F -

–BRRROOM–

You couldn't do what you wanted because people would always hurt you because of it. You had to hide some things you like. You even had to hide how smart you were lots of times. T.K. had told him this in the car.

The rain was going to melt his snowman, but that was OK; he was already looking yucky and didn't have a head anymore. It would also get rid of all the piles of snow by the streets, and that was all hard and real dirty. If Ally had thought of the meteorology unit in Earth Science, he would have remembered that thunder storms in February were unusual, but he lived far enough south that they did happen. They happened about as often around here as February snow storms, and that had happened this year too.

His lip tasted funny from where it had been bleeding.

–CLAAARK–

He hadn't seen the flash. Had his eyes been closed?

Jim didn't think T.K. was right about that, and sometimes you had to be careful, but it was OK to be what you were. But T.K. said even math (T.K.'s favorite thing in the world — except maybe the guitar) was all made up and you couldn't prove things with it, you just had to act like it all fit together, so nothing was fair or made sense in the world. Ally didn't follow that at all; what did arithmetic have to do with fights? And Jim had said that T.K. was sad because he had just read a book on math that had upset his entire world, and because T.K. had a crush on someone and wouldn't even tell anyone who it was.

–FLASH–FLASH–

One...Two...Th -

–CRAAOORRooomBroorrr–

Yikes!

T.K. said Jim should shut up and that wasn't true.

Ally wasn't afraid of thunder and lightning any more, of course. He was almost ten and a half after all. He had slept through lots of storms and didn't see why this one was being different.

He wanted to give something a hug, but Bucephalus was piled in a pile on the floor with lots of other stuff. He would never be able to chase after Darius III again. Now he couldn't get back in time to beat the Persians anymore.

His special Valentine's present was in the pile too. He had said he wanted it a lot, but he hadn't been happy about it, and he had to tell everyone what he had decided during dinner instead of waiting, and would never ever get to use it.

A tear rolled down Ally's cheek.

The present was supposed to have been brought by the Easter Bunny and laid with his eggs. Not that Ally believed in the Easter Bunny, or even Santa Clause, anymore, but it had used to be fun to pretend. But his mom had given it to him early to cheer him up, and it had made him even sadder.

He liked Easter; everybody wore really pretty clothes and was happy on that day. Of course, he didn't. He always wore just a blue shirt, dress-up pants, hard shoes and a yellow tie. But some people got to wear pretty stuff.

It wasn't fair — why did it matter —

–FLASH–

Why couldn't he wear just a hair band even? Why were people mean? He hated them, hated them....

–BOOooRrrm–

Oops, he had forgotten to count.

His daddy was disappointed in him. Hate didn't do any good. Love meant wanting the other person to be happy before you could feel happy, so hate meant wanting the other person to be sad before you could be happy. He didn't really want that, he guessed, and that wasn't real happiness at all. It wasn't good to hate, but he couldn't help it.

Fishermen sometimes wore spikes on their shoes. T.K. had read about it in a science-fiction book. When the boats sank, they would stand on their friends and put spike marks on them, trying to reach the air. That was OK if you were drowning, but not in a dining room. Teasing was like that — they were afraid, so they tried to push others down to feel bigger.

Then why didn't they pick on big people?

He was a freak. Why couldn't he be like everybody else?

Why? — He had to be, had to be, had to be.

His daddy didn't have a Porsche because of the seven day rule that Ally had never heard about before.

–FLASH–

One...Two...Three...Four...Five...S —

–BooAomb–

His mom invoked it about once a year and made his daddy wait when he wanted to buy a new car; that was why he and his brothers had to go to a private school. So he had to wait a whole week before he could get a burr haircut or paint his room brown, even though those were really his choices to make.

But he wasn't going to change his mind. He couldn't.

Jim was real mad at him. When he was going back to the table, Jim had walked past and just stared at him meanly. He was sorry, but he didn't know what to do. He didn't want to get hit anymore.

Two tears rolled down Ally's cheek.

It wasn't just kids that tried to get bigger by standing on top of people. There was someone that had written books saying that was the right way to act. Jim had had to read one of them. People had a duty to take what ever they could, even if it meant hurting others, and giving people help was bad.

But his daddy said that even cavemen knew they had responsibilities to their groups, and warlords in the Middle Ages knew they had to take care of the people who worked for them and helped them. His mom said the lady that said that was really very, very sad too. She had taken most of her ideas from other people, then mangled them, and then told everyone how much smarter she was than the people she stole from. And the people that were best at following her philosophy were the people that that lady had hated most; they just used different words. So that at least her followers told you they were liars and cheaters, so maybe that was better.

The whole idea of people thinking that had made Ally shiver. And why did grown-ups always go off the subject and have discussions like that. It didn't help at all. Ally didn't know yet that his family was incredibly bad about that kind of thing.

–FLASH–

Ally guessed he should feel sorry for people who thought like that too, even grown ups, because it was just an excuse for feeling scared too.

–Booorrmm–

How was it possible to feel sorry for people who teased all the time and pushed people around all the time and tried to make everyone be like them and do what they wanted? Even if they were just trying to build them selves up, and they were just scared? You really should feel sorry for them, not hate them, but that was real, real hard. But don't tell them you did because they really, really didn't like that. It was a secret revenge. That was a funny idea to T.K. and his daddy.

–FLASH–

One...Two...Three...Four...Five...

–KRaabooomoom--i

Josh had a big floppy dog that stayed on his bed all the time; Matt had three bears, but he kept them on a shelf. Maybe it would be alright to just keep Bucephalus?? No No No.

Boys could, but he couldn't. People would find out. Leah had told Ashley about Angie. But she wasn't mean at all and liked Ally. You just couldn't keep secrets. Can't keep that kind of secret at all, ever. So he couldn't do those things anymore.

He couldn't fix Angie's hair any more or dress her. Couldn't change or feed his Benny, or like babies at all. He couldn't wear ponytails, even to bed. Couldn't wear his beads, even though they were really boy beads, and stupid Michael had broke Rocky's. Couldn't wear Danni's locket. Couldn't look pretty, or even want to. Couldn't like pretty things, like flowers and butterflies. Couldn't like yellow anymore; or ever, ever wear pink or purple. Or teal or turquoise or.... Couldn't even know the names of those colors. Couldn't skip, or twirl, or spin, or giggle or laugh, except in just the right way. Couldn't like puppies or kittens. Couldn't call things cute or sweet. Couldn't cry...cry...not ever, not ever, no matter what, ever again.

He wasn't going to be weird anymore!

More tears rolled down each of Ally's cheeks.

–FLASH–

One...Two...Three...Four....

Maybe when he was visiting his grama and Rocky, he could do those things? Cynthia and Lisa had liked him. They didn't know he was a freak; maybe he could do things he liked there. But no — no, not even then; he might forget. He had to stop being strange, a freak, everywhere.

–BBRrooomm–

Besides, it made everyone one mad and unhappy, not just him.

–FLASH–

His mom had been yelling in the dining room while he was washing his face during dinner. Yelling about making decisions and this, maybe, being the start....

–CARaaaboom–

...and being a little kid longer not being an easy answer, unless you were absolutely sure it was right; but if it was right, then that is what would happen, but later; the decision did not have to be final yet.

Ally had waited in the hall, because he wasn't sure who was getting yelled at or what it was about. He hoped it wasn't about him, because he sure didn't want to be a little kid any longer at all.

She had said happiness was as important as air and water, but safety was even more important, and babies fighting was nothing like what could happen later — so the argument wasn't about him — and things were better for people in Jim's school because the other kids were older and the school encouraged tolerance, but they still had troubles with some students, just not openly, and Jim didn't know about it, and also they had to go places with people not in his school and might be scared in those places.

At least it was Jim that was getting yelled at, and that was good — because it wasn't his daddy, but it was still real, real bad.

He wasn't supposed to put his tongue on the sore on his lip.

Then his daddy had told Jim to spare them his great and vast eightteen-year-old's wisdom, and Jim had left the room and stared at Ally as he went past in the hall. And he didn't know why Jim was mad at him too. And he didn't know why his parents were mad at Jim, but thought he should help Jim, but couldn't because he didn't want his parents mad at him. He thought a real boy would have gone in and fought for Jim, but he just couldn't right then.

Jim hadn't even come back for dessert, even though it was a special Valentine's Day one.

Why did Valentine's Day have to get ruined? It was supposed to be about love, but now, forever, he would remember it as about hate and fighting and being a boy and being weird.

–FLASH–FLASH–

His daddy had told him he could still play with what he wanted at home and no one would hurt him; that was when he told them he didn't want to be a freak anymore anywhere. That made his mom and daddy and T.K. very sad and quiet, and he got to go upstairs and go to bed.

–BBbbooooormBrooorrrm–

Why couldn't this stupid lightning go away and let him go to sleep? He didn't want to think about this stuff anymore.

Why, why, why? Why wouldn't they leave him alone? Why was he like this? A weird freak.

He had to do the right things from now on. He couldn't hold hands ever; if he put his arm around someone, he had to make it into a head lock, and he had to make it look like that was fun. He couldn't lean up next to people; now he had to push and shove and wrestle and be rough. He had to start playing shooting and chasing video games and talk about them all the time. He had to get some of those stupid, collectable battle cards and learn all about them. He had to learn to slide tackle, even if it was illegal in his league and on the playground. He had to stand right, with his arms crossed all the time or in his pockets, and his shoulders up; he couldn't cross his legs when standing around, because when boys did that it meant they had to pee real bad. He had to do more ninja kicks and jumps; he could do those now, but from now on he couldn't laugh when he did them; he had to look mean. He couldn't look happy ever actually; he had to look cool and tough and serious, except when something was funny or someone else was embarrassed. He would have to act dumb in class and make fun of the lessons, but show off too. And he had to be cross and bossy a lot. He had to make sure he didn't look cute — Ever!

Of course not all boys were like that....

–FLASH–

Josh was always laughing and happy, and he was real good at history and spelling too, and he was sweet. Matt was a real good scientist and always tried to help people, and he was real nice, Ally thought. And Joseph Edwards was cute too.

–KkRraabooormb–

But Ally didn't think he could be like that; it was too close to what he was now. He wanted everybody to know he wasn't weird any more. He wanted to be the toughest of all. He wanted to — had to — go from being uber-sissy to being uber-boy.

He wanted to be really gigantic so he would never have to be scared. He wanted to be really, really strong. He wanted to not be Ally anymore. He wanted to scare everyone. He wanted to be left alone, forever. He wanted to run away — and not be weird. He wanted to shrink down in to something no one could see. He wanted to shrink down and just disappear. He wanted to not be anymore.

–FLASH–

–The power went out. It had seemed dark before, but there had been light coming through the window from a street light, and Ally's clock-radio had had lighted numbers, so it was much darker now. Also the sounds of the house, like that of the air being forced through ducts by the furnace and that from the bathroom space heater that someone had left on, which hadn't been really heard before, now were silent and were missed.

–Crraaaccckoom–

Of course, being almost ten and a half, Ally wasn't afraid of the dark, even this very dark that surrounded him now, especially now that he was going to act totally like a boy. Yet, still he thought about the flashlight on the shelf across the room. If it wasn't for all his girly stuff stacked up in the middle of the room, it would have been easy to get, even in the dark. As it was, he would have to walk carefully around the edges of the room to get to it.

But was that allowed for a boy? He knew boys were allowed to own flashlights, some had lots of them, but were they allowed to use them when they weren't doing something? Just because it was dark?

Why did boys have to have all these stupid rules? Girls didn't have them; they could just do what they wanted and no one teased them for it. They could wear pretty stuff or yucky stuff. They could dance and giggle and skip and sing and hug and act just as they wanted, but boys always had to worry about what others would think. It was like they had to always be putting on a show. How was he going to learn all these rules?

Jim and T.K. would make fun of him or try to talk him out of it; plus they were old and might have forgotten things. More so with his daddy. Josh would just get real silly about it, and Matt, he thought, would try to help but wouldn't understand the question. Joseph Edwards?

–FLASH–

Joseph and he had had to sit together for a long time on the infamous green couch in the office. That was where you waited for Ms. Yunger when you were in bad trouble, and everyone could see you and knew why you where there. Ally had never sat on it before, and to him sitting there had been a punishment in itself. Joseph hadn't seemed to mind though. He talked and talked to Ally; he told Ally about his stepfather leaving and about changing his name to his mom's old name and about his real father and half-brother being in a plane crash. He acted like Ally was a long lost friend all of a sudden after ignoring him for all that time. That was the one good thing about the day, because Ally thought of Joseph as a long lost friend too.

Ally hadn't said much back to Joseph, and he hoped Joseph wouldn't stop being friendly because of that.

It was Ms. Chen that finally called them into the office instead of Ms. Yunger, and she had called Joseph Jody. Ally wondered if that was part of the name change that Joseph had talked about. He hoped it was, because Jody was a much better name for a tamed fox than Joseph. Ally thought of Jody as a tame fox because of the story that his mom had reminded him of, and because it seemed he had finally come all the way over to Ally. When Ally thought of Jody that way, for the first time in a very, very long time, he smiled.

–Boobbrroom–

Finally! — An active verb! That's the first motion that has taken place in this scene, unless you count thinking, rolling tears and rolling thunder. That verb turned out to be 'smiled' too; who would have thought it? I was becoming afraid Ally might never do that action again.

We've also almost made it through a whole chapter without a single set of quotation marks, and that's pretty unusual for a character driven story too. After the last chapter, where we started in the middle of a crowd scene dialogue and followed it with a litany of party activities, I thought I'd — well, abuse you in the opposite way this time. Sort of even things out a little — uh; maybe not. Anyway, I'll probably have to lose this whole scene when I write the screenplay.

I know some might feel that Ally's thoughts should have been marked off as quotes, but it really wasn't like that. All these thoughts raced through his brain quickly. He didn't have to think in details to recall the events; he didn't have to paraphrase each discussion to remember its import. Nor were all of his thoughts fully formed. So this was really a combination of exposition of antecedent action and dialogue, extrapolations from associations and emotional reactions, with only a few implicit thoughts. Trying to distinguish one from the other would not make Ally's feelings and ideas any clearer.

Now Ally is about to start doing things the way a protagonist should in his own story. Who knows, he might even have a coherent thought or two as well.

Ally decided that it would be OK to keep the flashlight in his bed as long as he didn't turn it on. He walked around the perimeter of the room, touching the walls and bookshelves as he went, and the only thing he stepped on was his Degas poster with the corner he'd ripped that afternoon. When he reached the flashlight, he thought of a good boy excuse for needing it and decided to head to the bathroom.

We always tell children to appreciate the small things in life, but surely some things should be such givens that they don't need that kind of appreciation. Never the less, Ally did appreciate the fact that he didn't have to be careful walking into this bathroom. In this house, at least, they were safe.

The little room was very warm because the space heater had been left on so long, and it felt really nice to Ally. He set the flashlight on the counter, and noticed in the mirror how red his eyes were. After putting some water on them, he looked at his eyebrows. Before, he had always liked his eyebrows; they reminded him of his mom's. She didn't have real dark, hard looking ones like some ladies, but kept them just a little dark, like Ally's, and soft. He had still liked touching them sometimes when she held him, but now that couldn't happen anymore. He supposed he needed to start wanting thick, bushy, gray eyebrows like his daddy.

Ally looked in the mirror some more and practiced scowling, or looking tough or cool, but didn't think he could get it right at all, so he turned off the light in frustration. Probably because of the warmth, in here the darkness felt very comforting rather than eerie.

He crossed the room and felt for the edge of the toilet. Then he aimed by sound as he urinated. I mention that only so you won't mistakenly read a Freud-Erikson scatological creativity metaphor into the shift that Ally makes as he emerges from this small, warm, safe, dark room.

Ally waited till he had opened the door to turn on the light. As he did, he actually kicked the wall and thought, "To heck with it. I just don't care." By which he meant, of course, that he cared a whole, whole lot, but that he had realized it would be as hard, and scary, to hide from those cares as to face them.

It took him three skips to reach his bedroom door. In spite of the flashlight in one hand, he had his nightshirt off before he got all the way inside; then he pulled off his boxers too and kicked them into a corner. He gave Bucephalus an extra tight hug by way of apology. He set Angie's bed up, gave her a kiss and tucked her in deciding that she could wait until tomorrow to wear her new nightgown. He put Benny, Andre, Frosty and the other important creatures on his bed.

Then he opened the box and took out his beautiful, brand new, antique nightie that looked just like Johanna Appleby's. He gave it a hug too, before he slipped into it. The buttons were on the front of this one, and he did them all the way up, then he tied the pretty, yellow, satiny ribbon at the collar into the very best bow he could. There was no way for him to tie the ribbons on the cuffs, but that didn't matter.

He found his big, yellow, cloth covered scrunchie, and put his hair into a ponytail just a little bit higher than he ever had before. He thought he would wear it to school tomorrow — but maybe not. But he would wear his bright yellow pullover — and his pink knit shirt too. And he would skip and spin around while he was in line! Even though that would make Mr. McGee cross. And he would look right at Ryan while he did it, and he’d grin.

"I'll be happy," he thought, "That'll show 'em."

Ally slept.

Ally dreamed.

Notes:

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Scenes from a Kid's Life - Group 5: Songs, Stories

Author:

Jan S

Audience Rating:

General Audience (pg)

Publication:

Serial Chapter

Genre:

Transgender

Character Age:

Preteen or Intermediate

TG Themes:

Sweet / Sentimental

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

Scenes from a Kid's Life

Group 5: Songs; Stories

Ordinary events in the life of an unordinary child.

Ally heard the piano; he threw his pencil up in the air and ran out of the room.

Songs:

Ally heard the piano; he threw his pencil up in the air and ran out of the room; he thought that Jim was home, and he badly needed to talk to Jim, and he badly needed an excuse to quit doing homework.

Whenever he divided a half a cake by one fourth, he kept winding up with more cake than he started with. How dumb was that? Why couldn't math be logical? And finding out why Jim had been mad at him last night was way more important anyway.

When he got to the living room, the piano player stopped playing and waved to him. Ally said, "Oh, it's only you."

Larry answered, "'Only me?' I like that!" But since Ally's expression hadn't matched his words, neither did Larry's.

"I thought it was Jim. I got to talk to him. Can I listen?" Sometimes when his daddy played the piano it meant he wanted to be alone.

"Sure, come and sit with me, puddin'. Jim is the usual piano player in this house, isn't he? Want to talk to me about it instead?"

Ally sat on his heels on the bench and leaned against his father. He said, "Nah, it's got to be him."

"OK. I'm sure glad to see a much happier kid in this house than the one who was here yesterday. Did you have a good day today?" Larry said.

"Yeah, mostly."

"Learned something in every class?"

"Yeah, mostly."

"And you've got your homework done?"

"Yeah, mostly."

"Is you brain stuck?"

"Yeah, mostly."

Larry thought real hard, then said, "Hummm, who did you play with at recess?"

"Yeah, mostly."

Ally's ribs were tickled until he said, "Jody, mostly; and Alex and Leah."

"Who's Jody?"

"Joseph Edwards; 'cept he's Jody Ducoux now. Can I spend the night over at his house Saturday?"

The fact that Ally looked straight down at the keys when he asked that question was enough of a warning for Larry to avoid the pitfall. He asked, "Didn't your mother pick you up at school today? And did you already ask her that question?"

Ally nodded, so Larry shook his head and said, "You know that's not fair, Al."

"But I need to be nice to him."

"OK, but you can't play us against each other. And I think we need to get to know them better before a sleepover. Is that what your mom said?"

Ally nodded and said, "But...."

Larry reached across Ally to reach the high end of the piano. He played the melody of a Rolling Stones song and said, "You know this song. Sing the next line."

Ally sang in a very high treble at the same time that Larry sang much lower, trying to imitate a Brit trying to sound Country-and-Western. They sounded terrible, but luckily, Larry stopped playing after only two lines:

"You can't always get what you want; you can't always get what you want...."

Ally looked down at the keys some more. "You always play just that," he said; then continued singing at the top of his range: "...you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need. Yeahhhhh. I'll talk to mom some more."

Larry chuckled and said, "I think that's OK, but remember three things: there is a fine line between 'try, try again' and begging, whining and pestering; 'because I want to' is not a good reason to keep the discussion going; and third, 'because I really, really want to' is the same argument as the other one."

Ally thought about that until Larry asked if he had any trouble at all at school.

Ally said, "Yeah, some."

"Uh-oh; what happened, Pud?"

"Division by fractions; how come when you divide a half a cake by a fourth of a cake you wind up with two cakes? Least I do."

Larry almost laughed. That was not the kind of trouble he had been asking about, and that answer was the best news he could have heard. "We'll look over it after dinner. Your arithmetic is OK, but how do you divide by a fourth of a cake, maybe with a fourth of a sword, but with a fourth of a cake it would just make a big mess."

"I don't get it," Ally said, his head leaning far to the left.

"A number is abstract, Ally. It doesn't have to be a fourth of a cake."

Ally looked totally flummoxed and his head tilted a little more, but he said, "I know that, but still, even if you divide a half cake to one fourth of a person and they get two cakes, that means the whole person would have eight cakes. Where did all the extra cakes come from?”

Larry put his head in his hands; he was now chuckling aloud. Ally said, "Don't laugh at me!" and head-butted Larry's arm.

"I'm sorry, Sweetheart; your logic is impeccable, but your understanding is absent. I need to think about how to explain it. After we eat, we will look at it together. At least you know how to do it, even if you don't know why. You'll get there and go 'AHA, of course!'"

After he played a simple etude, Larry said, "You know Jim and T.K. have play rehearsal. They won't be back until you're in bed. Did you need to talk to Jim about something very important?"

"Oh, I wanted to ask why he was mad at me last night."

"Al, Al, he wasn't mad at you at all. I don't think you could make him mad these days; he is so much on your side, but he thinks he — never mind."

"We're allies."

"Oh, I see; that's good. He wasn't even mad at your mom and me, Pud. He was worried and frustrated, and he was mad because the world is unfair, and the shortest distance isn't always a straight line, and because he is eighteen, and because...." Larry sighed and then shrugged and then grinned at Ally.

"Were you mad at Jim?"

"Nah — Yeah, a little bit. Having smart children is my punishment for loving a brilliant woman, Al. You be careful about things like that. — I take it you've got all your things put back away now."

"Yeah, mostly," Ally said with a smile, then he got serious again and said, "Mom was real mad at him though."

"Your mother mad at her child? Never! Irked, cross, peeved, perturbed, irritated, maybe. But not mad. Annoyed; she does get annoyed. Never get your mom annoyed, Ally. She already has two closets full of noids that your brothers got her."

"That's mom's joke."

"She lent it to me because I like it. You want new material all the time like I'm a TV show or something?"

"I like 'Be alert; the world needs more lerts,' better," Ally said and leaned against Larry again.

Larry played another short piece, and then Ally asked quietly, "Were you mad I was going to throw things out?"

Larry shook his head several times. Then he said, "I thought you were being very extreme, Ally, but you have to explore different ways of doing things, I think. It's like math; you have to keep looking until you have that Aha-experience. I wish I could keep you safe and happy forever, and I try my hardest, but if I just gave you the answers, even if I knew them, that wouldn't give you understanding or make you happy. It can be hard at times, deciding what to allow, what to require, and what to forbid; that's why they don't let just anyone become a daddy."

Ally hugged Larry and put his head on Larry's shoulder. He said, "I was being mean to myself."

Larry shrugged and said, "Maybe. Pud', maybe. It is hard to know sometimes which is being meanest to yourself. That is why they don't let just anyone become a human, — or especially an Ally." He wrapped his right arm around Ally and kissed his forehead.

Ally thought this conversation was too serious and wanted to say something happy, but he had a hard time coming up with something. Finally, he said, "David Grimell found almost all of Rocky's beads."

"Yea!" Larry said.

"He wouldn't go to the doctor's 'til he had looked."

"Did he have to go to the doctor's because of your fight?"

"He had to get four stitches in his back."

Larry stared at the keyboard and then shook his head. "And you wondered why you got a detention. Ally, even though they know you didn't start it, the school has to do something when someone gets that hurt, and you and Joseph did get very mad and kept hitting after you could have stopped."

Ally didn't need to be reminded to feel bad about that, and especially about David getting hurt worst of all, but he still said, "David wasn't mad at Jody or me; he said it was Ryan's fault, and he wasn't going to hang out with him anymore. But I know I should have left, I guess."

"Yes, I guess you should have." Larry thought about Ryan; as horrible as Ryan's behavior had been to his child, he could not help but feel sorry for a child whose behavior was costing him friends. He wondered what he would feel for an eighteen-year-old Ryan, and decided he might still feel sorry for him but in a different way. He wondered where the dividing line was.

After Larry played another short exercise, Ally said, "I got a question."

"Almost three hundred thousand kilometers per second."

"Huh?"

"That's the answer to your question."

"Na-uh."

"Sure it is. Your question is: 'What is the speed of light?' and that is the answer."

"No, I was gonna ask if I can go to the bead store tomorrow and get the stuff to fix Rocky's beads."

"That's the wrong question. I gave you the answer to the right question. Actually, it's two hundred ninety-nine thousand, seven hundred ninety-two, point — ugh — four five eight kilometers per second. That is a very good question and a very important answer."

"Daddy!"

""What? First you complain about my old jokes, and then you get annoyed when I use a new one. Oh well, you will think it's funny next time — or the twentieth time. Where do you keep your noids, Al?

"Come on, can I go?"

"But this is important. It is one thing that always stays the same, any time and any place in the whole universe. You can rely on it, Al. Well, almost anywhere you can; in some weird places things get real weird."

"OK, like where?" Ally said, kind of wanting to know and kind of wanting to play along just to get done with it quicker.

"OK, like black holes and way out between the galaxies. Even things like time and distance and mass might all get mixed up in those places."

"Oh yeah, things are wacko those places, but is it OK if I go to the bead store tomorrow, or not?"

"I guess so, if you can figure out how to get there. Your after school schedule is beyond me, Pud."

"Tomorrow I'm in after-school-care while Jenny has her dance class, and then Jim brings us home. On Mondays, we're in ASC 'til T.K. finishes wrestling, and then we ride the second bus. On Tuesdays, Gail comes on the first bus with us, and then Jim brings T.K. home, and he and Gail go...."

"Stop — stop; don't ruin the mystery; all I know is Jim, Gail and T.K. had it all worked out, and track season and the play are going to mess it all up, and parents are going to have to get involved again. I bet Jenny won't mind if Jim takes you to the store tomorrow. Are you going to wear them every day again?"

"Yeah."

Larry nodded.

"Real boys wear 'em too. Some of T.K.'s and Jim's friends have earrings too. Can I get my ears pierced?"

"Someday you can, but let's wait awhile," Larry said.

Ally accepted that with a sigh. He said, "T.K. is mad at Greg, because his mom gave him some heart earrings for Valentine's, and he wore them to school."

Larry sighed now and said, "I thought that was coming."

"But he's been wearing earrings for a long time. Why is T.K. mad now?"

"Probably the kind of earrings, Al. Greg is ready to make an announcement and T.K. isn't, and he is afraid that people might think the announcement applies to Greg's friends too. T.K. doesn't even know whether the announcement is true about himself or not. But Jim thinks he knows the answer already."

"What announcement?"

"That he likes to wear pretty earrings," Larry said.

"T.K. doesn't; hoops and plain studs, maybe."

Larry leaned his head over to bump Ally's. He said, "Greg wants people to know the real Greg, because it is easier to find your real friends when you don't have secrets. But before you can do that you have to be sure who the real you is. And it's a problem because some people might decide they don't like you right away too"

"Is T.K. going to stop being his friend if he finds out the wrong thing?

"I sure hope not. T.K. is kind of afraid that if he is different from Greg, Greg won't want to be regular friends anymore anyway. That makes him feel — well, it makes him feel a lot of things."

Larry looked down at his hands and was a little surprised to realize he was playing an old Ricky Nelson song. He kept playing until he reached the refrain and then sang it twice: "It's all right now, I've learned my lesson well; you can't please everybody, so ya' got to please yourself." Then he bumped Ally again.

Grace came down the stairs and into the living room. "I was wondering why my serenade was so eclectic. Are you two busy?"

"We're having some deep discussions," Larry said, "but you can eavesdrop."

Grace sat on the bench on Larry's other side, facing backwards. She said, "It's microwave appreciation night tonight. There are lots of leftovers in the refrigerator. Did you know you're an only child tonight, Dally?"

Ally nodded, and Larry said, "That's going to happen a lot between now and the performances. I hope we don't get bored after Ally is in bed."

Grace said, "Maybe I can find a way to entertain you," and fluttered her eyelashes.

Larry fluttered his eyebrows back at her and made a growling sound.

Ally said, "Eww, yuck — Geesh."

Grace and Larry smiled at Ally, and Larry said, "Ally had trouble at school today, but only with dividing fractions."

"Oh," Grace said, "T.K. got in trouble with Mrs. Garcia during that unit too. She almost kicked him out of class."

"He did? I thought he was always great at math," Ally said.

"He is. But at that part he kept telling everyone how easy and cool it was, and he kept trying to take over the class until Mrs. Garcia got fed up."

Ally moaned; some people had all the luck.

"You have to remember that mathematicians aren't like most people, and see things their way, Dally. If I said to you, 'I don't got no bananas,' you would know I'm speaking incorrectly, and that I mean I don't have any bananas. A mathematician would ask where the bananas I don't not have are.

"When dividing fractions, remember that it already has been divided; one-third is one divided by three; so dividing by it is double-dividing, which is like undividing."

Larry said, "Double-dividing? Undividing??"

Ally said, "So a fourth into a half is like a fourth a person has half a cake already, so the whole person woulda had two cakes! Easy-Peazy." He put his fists on his hips, glared at Larry and said, "Why didn't you just say that?"

Larry looked back and forth from Ally to Grace and then let his head fall on the piano keys with a clang. "I don't know. I don't know," he said. "Some things in math can only be explained to some people by English majors, I guess."

Grace said. "It's OK, Dear, I'm sure there are some things you understand just fine."

Larry sighed and said, "Let's go see how hot we can make the microwave."

"Wait, Mom, I gotta ask you something."

Larry said, "Two hundred ninety-nine thousand, seven hundred ninety-two, point four five eight kilometers per second. I all ready told you."

Ally smiled and bumped Larry, then he said, "It's about Jody's; seriously."

Grace said, "Dalleeeey."

"Just two things; promise."

Grace looked at Larry, who was softly playing some exercises again and actively not looking at Grace. She said, "Only two things."

"'K, I promised to be Jody's friend, so I will be, and it doesn't matter how well we get to know them, anyway."

"You are a very nice and an honorable person, Ally-Dally. But I knew that, didn't I? You can be his friend without an overnight this weekend though."

Ally sighed, one card played and no improvement. He said, "OK. You reminded me of the fox in 'The Little Prince', remember? So, I waited patiently and was available, like I was s'posed to. Now Jody has come over and been tamed; I can't push him away even a little bit now, the first time, or he won't ever be as tamed as he would have been."

When arguing with people that live half their lives in books, using literary analogies really gives an unfair advantage. Neither of her older children had ever realized how well such arguments worked on Grace, and she hoped Ally wasn't going to get too good at it. It is even worse using that book against someone who admires it and thinks of you as her Little Prince and her Rose.

Grace hit Larry on the arm. He stopped playing and said, "I just told him trying again didn't mean pestering forever and to have good reasons to discuss."

Grace grinned at Ally. She wasn't the kind of person who thought changing one's mind indicated weakness or lack of intelligence; she knew the opposite to be true, but she didn't like showing how fast she did it. She said, "I'll think about it and tell you in the morning."

Ally knew his mom well enough that he didn't have to wait until the morning to get happy. He thought, "Allll riight!" but didn't say it.

Larry said, "Let's eat. I don't feel like not having some of the lamb chops from Tuesday."

"There's not none left," Grace said.

Ally asked, "Can I play you a song first? Josh taught me it."

"Josh, huh?" Larry said, "And you can play it on the piano?"

"Yeah, kinda."

"OK, one quick time," Grace said.

"'K." Ally flicked his hair back with the backs of his fingers; he stretched his fingers out way in front of him like he was warming up for a concerto; he used his right index finger to pound out a march rhythm on a note somewhere near middle-C. After eight notes he began singing: "This is the song that never ends; it goes on and on my friends; some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they'll be singing it forever just because: this is the song that never ends; it goes on and...."

Larry picked Ally up and carried him under one arm toward the kitchen. Ally's voice got louder to make up for the lost accompaniment, but he never missed a beat.

"...on my friends; some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they'll be singing it forever...."

* ** *** ** *

Stories:

"I Am Too!" Jody yelled as he opened his front door.

"You Are Not! I Am!" Ally screamed from right behind him.

"No Way! — We're Here!" Jody shouted.

Jody's mom walked to the entry hall while saying, "I and the neighbors heard. What are you two arguing about already? — Oh my gosh!"

"Ally says he's dirtier than I am," Jody said with a grin threatening to break his face.

"I am! By lots," yelled Ally.

"That is a contest with absolutely no winners. Get those shoes off right away!"

Grace followed Jody and Ally, carrying Ally's backpack and sleeping bag. She was still uncomfortable about this overnight, and she knew Ally was a little nervous too, in spite of his commitment to be Jody's friend. Her anxiety had increased when she picked the two children up from their Saturday detention and found that Ally had obtained a ponytail during the day. Jody, however, didn't seem affected by it at all, and the two of them were getting along very well and having a great time. That had eased her mind some; now she was watching closely for the reaction of the woman who had once married the former Coach Edwards.

As she walked in, Grace gave Ruth a small shrug and half a smile. She said, "I'm afraid I'm delivering damaged goods."

Ruth returned Grace's smile but still addressed the kids. "What in the world have you two been up to?"

"We got to clean out all the flower beds all along the front of our building, and then had to spread out some new dirt on top," Jody said.

"Yeah. If it had been rainy or something, we woulda had to just clean blackboards and stuff. And Mr. Jeffers let us ride on his cart and said we were the best workers ever and if we have another riot next month we can come back and help plant the flowers." Ally added.

"This was supposed to be a punishment!" Ruth said, "And I think that if Jody gets in any more fights, Ms Yunger might have other plans for him."

"No," Jody said, "Ms Chen was there and said she would tell us when the right time to get in trouble was, but to be good 'til then or we couldn't." Once his shoes were off, Jody said, "Come on, Ally. Have you played that video game where you roll stuff up into giant balls?"

"Yeah, T.K. rolled up the Eiffel Tower and Taj Mahal. Let's go."

"Hold it, right there!" Ruth said in a sham panic, "You're not going anywhere but the showers."

Grace said, "Ruth, I should take Ally home and bring him back in a better state."

"No," Ruth said and then went over to Grace and whispered, "I don't want to end this party; I haven't seen him this happy in a very, very long time." Then she said in a louder voice, "You two get upstairs. Jody, show Ally your bathroom, and you use mine."

Ally asked, "Can't we just do it together?"

"No, I think not; not this time," Ruth said, "It will be quicker, and you'll do a better job separated."

Jody said, "Go real, real fast, Ally."

Both kids had gone up about four stairs when Ruth said, "Jody."

Jody ran backwards down the stairs, like a reverse button had been pushed, then turned and looked up at his mother; Ally imitated him.

She said, "Don't sit on anything or touch anything until you're clean, not even the walls."

Both kids nodded and charged back up the same four stairs before Grace said, "Ally-dally! Don't I even get a goodbye?"

They ran backwards down the stairs again, and Ally spread his arms to give Grace a hug, but she said, "Stop! Don't you dare hug me right now." She kissed her fingers and put them on Ally's dirty forehead, and then turned him around to remove the ponytail holder.

Ruth said, "Grace, do you want to wait until Ally is fit for a proper goodbye; coffee is made, and I think we should get to know each other."

T.K. was waiting for taxi service to the mall, but the invitation definitely took priority and, all by itself, had eased some of Grace's anxiety about the overnight. She handed Ally his backpack, and said, "That sounds wonderful, thank you. Al, wash your hair too; there's shampoo in the front pocket. Remember, your church clothes are in the big part, so wait until you are clean and dry before you open it and put them somewhere to keep them nice. OK?"

Ally agreed, and he and Jody were back up the four steps once more when Ruth again said, "Wait, Jody." So again, he did the reverse running thing. His mother said, "When you're done with the shower, get the nail file and bring it downstairs."

Jody nodded again and ran back up the stairs, but apparently he had become stuck; as soon as he reached the fifth step he went in reverse all the way back to his mother, turned around and looked at her, then went back up the stairs to the same point. He did this twice more before Ruth gave him a push and said, "Get upstairs, Jobo. If you're stuck in a loop, I might have to reboot you," and she swung her foot in his direction. That got him unstuck, and he reached the next floor.

When the kids were gone at last, Ruth said, "Grace, come on into the kitchen. Let's talk."

Grace asked, "About little boys with pony tails?"

Ruth answered, "About happy little boys with ponytails. That is a real eye opener for me and, after the last three years, it makes some very painful mistakes hurt even more."

A little while later, not nearly as long as you thought it would take, Ally came out of the bathroom. He was carrying his backpack and wrapped in a towel with wet hair and the skin on his face and hands now visible. He looked at all the doors in the hall and had no idea where to go. Just as he was about to call out, Jody came through one door, identically dressed and improved, and yanked him towards another door. Ally closed the door after they went in, but Jody immediately opened it halfway.

The room they were in was like no kid's room Ally had ever seen. There was a dresser with nothing but a clock on top of it, a desk that was perfectly arranged and one floor-to-ceiling bookcase with almost half the shelves empty. The only things on the walls were four posters of football and basketball stars, and the bed had a cover stretched tightly over it that had the local football team's logo on it. The only things close to toys in the entire room were the sports equipment, and that was neatly placed on a special rack.

Jody jumped on to the bed, and Ally said, "I got stuff in here to show ya'." He opened his backpack and pulled out Bucephalus.

Jody said, "You still got stuffed animals?"

Ally took a deep breath before he said, "Uh huh, this is Bucephalus. He's special."

"Like Alexander the Great's horse? How come you got him?" Jody was looking at Bucephalus like he wanted to give the horse a hug, or maybe just pet him, but didn't dare.

"'Cuz my name is Alexander. Duh." Ally said, but he was happy that Jody already knew who Bucef was.

Jody said, "Oh, 'course. I thought it was just Ally," and he didn't say anything else about keeping stuffed animals.

"I got stuff for you," Ally said as he pulled out two books and a paper sack. He showed Jody the copy of "The Little Prince", and asked if he had ever read it. Since he hadn't, Ally said. "You got to. 'Specially the part about how to tame foxes; you can keep that my mom said, 'cuz we got about four copies still. This one you can only borrow, it's real sad but good; my mom made me read it, and it's about a boy named Jody, so you will stop telling me that's a girl's name." Then he handed Jody a copy of "The Yearling".

"My–X-step-father said it was, but my mom's started using it again since he left." Jody said. "You sure read a lot. And you should have a red backpack, since you're like Santa Claus."

Ally giggled. (I don't know if he noticed the effort it took for Jody to mention Mr. Edwards.) Then he handed Jody the bag and said, "Here, this is the only real present. 'Cuz you're my friend now."

Jody grinned very wide and said, "But I got nothing for you."

Ally rolled his eyes. "Just open it already and put it on! 'Sides you gave me a box of candy for Valentine's, and all I gave you was a card."

Jody grimaced, which was an admission about the candy, and he said, "It was a really nice card. I saved it." Inside the bag was a string of beads exactly like the one Rocky had made for Ally, except the wood beads were a darker color and the end pieces were yellow stones instead of green glass.

Jody smiled, but then he looked worried. He said, "Ally, you know that wearing beads and playing with girls and talking about girl stuff is why Ryan and those guys fight you?"

Ally bit on one of his beads for a second; he hadn't gotten the bead with the teeth marks in the right place and was having to train a new one for that job. "'Course I do," he said, "but I don't know why that makes them. These aren't girl beads, for real, Jody; lots of boys wear them too. You don't got to wear 'em all the time, or at all, but just keep 'em."

"No, I like 'em. Really. It's just — You hook it on me. I'll wear 'em, at least sometimes. It's like yours were — hey, yours are fixed. Just noticed."

"Yeah, David found all but three of 'em, and I got a new string. He wouldn't go to the doctor's 'til he'd found them." The thought of all of that still made them both feel bad, and Ally added, "I think David might turn out to be all right."

Jody shrugged. In his world, a person turning out to be all right was not something to be anticipated. He said, "Don't know. Don't you worry 'bout getting teased at all, Ally?"

"I just don't care 'bout those rules anymore." Ally had thought about this discussion and had some suggestions planned. "If you don't want to be my friend 'cuz of that it's 'K. You don't got to get teased 'cuz of me. I'll still be nice."

"NO! Na-uh, I didn't mean that! I think it's neat the way you just do things."

Ally grinned at Jody, and Jody grinned back.

Ruth called up, "Hey, did you two get lost? Ally's mom needs to leave soon."

"OK, we're coming," Jody answered.

"I just brought church clothes. Should I put on my pajamas?"

"I guess. I'll wear mine too."

Jody pulled out a typical pair of solid blue slip-on boy pajamas with ribbed cuffs and ankles. Ally noticed that even the insides of his drawers were very neat. Jody looked around the room; then he went over and sat on the floor in a nook between the end of the bed and the closet door before he removed his towel and started dressing.

Ally dropped his towel by the bed and then took out his pajamas. The bottom part had multi-colored stripes and flared legs. The top was mostly white but the short-sleeves, the patch pocket and the reinforcing around the v-neck were all made out of the same material as the pants. Many people would not have recognized them as girl pajamas; Jody apparently didn't.

They started down the stairs, and after four steps, Jody went in reverse again, pulling Ally back up too.

"Gee, are you a yo-yo or something?" Ally asked

Jody said, "We got to have something on our feet; you got slippers or want to borrow some socks?

"Oh, I brought my witch socks from Halloween, but forgot. My daddy says bare feet hibernate in winter."

Jody found that a lot funnier than Ally thought he ever had, but he had heard it even before he understood it. Once they were shod — or socked — they went to the kitchen.

It took Grace a second before she could greet Ally. He always had one pair of regular pajamas that he kept for sleepovers, but what he was wearing was not his current pair. She had never seen these before.

Jody showed Ruth his beads and asked if it was OK to wear them. She said, "Of course it is. They look wonderful." Then she leaned over and whispered to him, "He's not coming back, Heart. He's not coming back."

Ally hadn't heard that and said, "Where are the video games, or do you want to do something else?"

Ruth said, "I doubt we're done with you yet. I'm glad the mud monsters have been vanquished, but let me see your hands."

The hands were good, except that small gardens threatened to sprout from under each fingernail. Ruth took the nail file that Jody had remembered and started digging. Grace had already taken a similar implement from her purse and called Ally over.

"I can do this myself," Jody said.

"So can I," said Ally.

Grace answered, "Maybe, but we can do it better, faster and deeper. Plus we will keep the dirt on the napkins. We still like doing things for you sometimes, too. Is that so terrible?"

Jody and Ally sighed and held their hands still. At least the embarrassment wasn't too bad when they were both in the same predicament.

Ally took a look around the room while he was immobilized; it looked pretty much like most of the other kitchens he had seen, but there was a den that opened up off one side. In the den, there was a couch with a back facing the kitchen. Above the back of the couch, there was something that startled him: four dark brown eyes were staring at him; those usually came in twos.

He lifted his free hand and wiggled his fingers towards the eyes, and two identical smiles, each with the same missing tooth, appeared below the eyes. Both grins and all the eyes were framed by brown hair almost as light as Ally's. While the eye and hair colors had come from the far opposite side of the gene pool from Jody's colors, every other feature of the faces proved it was a single pool.

Jody saw where Ally was looking and said, "Oh, those are our house-gremlins, Bam and Wam."

"Those aren't our names!" was the stereo response.

Ruth said, "Ally, those are Jody's sisters, Tamar and Camille. We usually call them Tammy and Cammy or Tam and Cam, and sometimes things that rhyme like Jam and Lamb, but we Do Not call them Bam or Wam."

"Hi, Tam; hi, Cam," Ally said and smiled.

The two six year old girls came over the top of the couch and into the kitchen. They both said, "Hi," in unison, and then one said, "Can we get manic'urs too?" at the same time the other asked, "Is she spending the night?"

Ruth said, "Girls this is Ally, and yes, he is spending the night. Ally this one is Tam (She put a hand on one head.), and this one (She changed heads.) is Cam. As soon as I'm finished with Jody, Tammy, it will be time to make dinner. I'll do your nails another time, Swee'pea."

"Is Ally your girl friend, Jody?" Tammy asked.

"Ally isn't a girl; he's my best friend." That last part had popped out; Jody didn't use that term a lot, but it made him smile now.

It gave Ally a huge grin too. "How do you tell them apart?" he asked Jody.

"Don't know. Just do. But it doesn't matter; if you call one they both come. Watch. — Ram!"

The girls both reached over and hit Jody on the arm; both were giggling.

Grace had finished Ally's fingernails. He started using the brush he had brought downstairs and asked her for his ponytail holder. Grace told him it was too dirty to put in clean hair and to leave it down tonight.

Ally gave a big sigh, and Ruth came to his rescue. She opened the sugar bowl and revealed it held a slew of hair gizmos; Ally looked through the barrettes and elastic bands, but most were too small to hold a ponytail. The reason for that was reveled by Cammy, who said, "Do pigtails; they're cuter."

"My hair is too short for that," Ally said.

"I think I could do it if you wanted, Ally," Ruth said, "I'm a pigtail pro."

Ally smiled and went over to Ruth. She sat him on her knee and brushed his hair hard. She managed to make two passable pigtails, and Ally handed her two mismatched holders; one with two yellow daisies on it, and one with one yellow and one blue teddy bear on it.

Ally went over to try to see his reflection in the oven door, and Cammy said, "You look sweet. Why don't you do yours, Jody?"

Jody closed his eyes for a second, but then surprised everyone by saying, "OK," and getting onto his mother's knee. His hair was longer than it had been last fall, but still barely touched the top of his ears. Ruth managed to make a spike on one side, but then gave up.

"Let's do this instead," she said, and put two barrettes, one with a row of white flowers and one with a row of yellow flowers, on each side of his head.

In a breathless voice Jody said, "Aren't I beautiful?" and he flicked his wrist.

Tammy said, "That's cute."

Cammy said, "You look nice, Jody."

Grace said, "I have to run, or T.K. might go crazy from mall separation. Ally, run upstairs and bring me your dirty clothes."

When he came back down with his clothes in a paper sack, Grace was alone in the entry and sat on the steps to talk to him. "Ally, where did you get those pajamas," she asked.

"I borrowed them from Jenny."

"Why, Sweetie?"

"I don' know. — but — I guess, I promised to be his friend forever, so I'll be nice to him, but — I guess, but I really want Jody to really be my real friend, and he can't be really if he doesn't know who I really am. If he doesn't like me, I'll still be nice to him, 'cuz I promised, but I want it to be the real me he doesn't like or that he does."

Grace looked into the eyes of her so wise child and asked, "And the real you wears pajamas like these to bed?"

Ally looked down at his red and yellow socks and shook his head. "No, the real me wears Johanna Appleby's nightie to bed. This was a comp-a-mise. I was too scared — still."

Grace wrapped Ally in her arms. She had to admit that Ally's insight or intuition or luck, whichever it was, appeared to have worked out fine with Jody and Ruth Ducoux, but she wanted to cry out, "Be careful, very careful, My Baby." That discussion would have to wait for another time, however. Instead, she said, "Talk to me about it next time, please, Ally. And really have a really good time tonight, really. OK?"

"'K, will," he guaranteed her with a smile, then said, "Don't get too bored without me tonight." and kissed her cheek.

"I'll try not too, Dally. Maybe your Dad will come up with some entertainment." She grabbed both of his pigtails and pulled his head close to kiss his nose.

Jody and Ally each got to roll up one giant ball of school supplies in the video game before it was time for dinner. Before they even sat down, Cammy and Tammy asked what was for dessert; apparently, they needed that information to decide how many green beans to eat. Ruth said, "I'm going to make some cookies after I finish the kitchen, so you'll have time to get an appetite back after eating all your vegetables."

"I bake cookies all the time. Want us to help?" Ally asked.

"Well, thank you, but I'm just making the kind that you break apart and put in the oven," Ruth said.

"That's OK, that's the only kind I know how to make," Ally said. Actually, that was the only kind Ally had thought you could make at home.

Tammy said, "Jody's not s'pose to do kitchen work. That's not for boys."

Ally said, "That's just silly. My uncle is a real good cook. He says all the best cooks are men."

Tam said, "Well, that's what our daddy said."

"He wasn't our daddy!" Jody said; he was almost growling.

Ruth put a hand on Jody's arm and said, "It's all right. We've discussed this, Jody. Tam, we can repeal those kinds of rules now."

Ally tried to change the subject by asking about the two Appleby Dolls he had seen in the Den. Rose, it turned out, belonged to Tam, and Johanna belonged to Cam. They had got them for Christmas, and they were prized possessions. The one great disappointment was that they had just found out that Rose never, ever wore anything pink in spite of her name.

"Yeah," Ally said, "That makes lots of people mad. In one of the books it tells how Rose got fed up, 'cuz her mother would never let her wear anything but pink and, eventually, she got her to not make her anymore."

"Have you read the book?" Tammy asked.

"Yeah," Ally said. "My friend, Leah, has some of the other cousins' things that are pink, and sometimes she pretends that it is before that story and puts Rose in them. Can't do that all the time though, because Rose might get mad."

"They're not 'posed to get the others' things," Cammy said.

"Na-uh. We decided it was 'K, 'cuz they trade things in the books all the time. My Angie sleeps in Rose's bed every night, and she likes it."

Simultaneously Jody asked, "You have a doll?" and Cammy asked, "Can you bring Angie over to play next time?" and Tammy asked, "Can I get some of those things, Mama? Ally, will you come help me pick?"

"Sure," Ally said, which was his answer to all three of them.

At the very same time Jody said, "No! He can't; he's going to play with ME."

Again, Ruth put her hand on Jody's arm to calm him down.

Jody said, "They're trying to steal my friend again."

"No, they're not, Jody. They are just being friendly, and so is Ally," Ruth said. She was a middle child; maybe that gave her insight into the current dynamic. "I'll tell you what; after dinner you stay here and help me — I'll teach you to bake cookies — while Ally gets to be the big kid for a while. Later, you can have Ally all to yourself." This would also give her the chance to talk to Jody alone.

Jody was far from happy about that plan, and he let that be known, but Ruth insisted, and he went along.

You know, Jody and Ally have a lot to do before Jody is ready to deliver his last line. Any parent knows the trouble with sleepovers is they last all night and part of the morning. We don't want to spend that long, however, so I'm going to fast forward through some parts of it. A dramatist would call it a dumb show; but that sound rather derogatory, don't you think? You might want to watch closely, just in case something important happens in the pantomime.

–{Fast forward}
Ally and the little girls marked almost every pink item in the Appleby Catalog. — Ally was given a pinafore and a kerchief from a costume box so he could visit the play grocery. — Tam put on a tiara and a long renaissance gown from the box; Cam donned the bottom of an Arabian princess costume, the top of a mermaid outfit and a crown. — Ally was handed a tiara to wear on top of his kerchief. — They fixed the hair of three miniature pop-singer dolls. —Jody stood in the door waiting to be invited in. — They played a board game. — Tam put a tall, pointed, pink hat with a tulle train on Jody's head. — The game rules suddenly allowed jumping off the slides and ladders by throwing your piece in the air. — Jody added the top from the Arabian princess costume to his outfit. — Everyone was rolling on the floor laughing. — Jody found a green and yellow dragon under a bed and played catch with it. — Ruth came in and curtsied to the four princesses. — When everyone was sitting perfectly still, she sat down a tray of milk and cookies on the floor and left.

–{Play}
Umm — some of you might be wondering why I don't just use the names of games and toys and stuff rather than describing them all the time or using the made up Applebys. It's not that I'm worried about trademark litigation; it's because I'm waiting for someone to offer me some money for a product placement. You know, I could write a scene where everyone enjoys a certain cereal or goes to a particular burger chain or something, and it would cost a lot less then it would to get your box sticking out of a trash can in some Hollywood production. If you know anyone in marketing, spread the word, but until I see the bucks, these kids will just keep playing with fashion dolls and plastic blocks and eating generic foods. I know most people fast forward through the commercial rather than the story, but this time the advertiser held the remote. Sorry about the interruption. Now back to our story.

While they were eating the cookies, Ally asked if he could fix Rose's and Johanna's hair after Tam and Cam had gone to bed (He had been looking for a gentle way to tell them the dolls' hair was a mess.). They agreed as long as Ally would bring them back and put them in their beds before he went to sleep. Then they asked Ally about other Appleby stories from the books and which were the best. Ally told them very short versions of how Maggie and Angie had saved the library by getting the deed to the Senator in time; and about the time Rose and Johanna found out who was trying to make the Widow Mathews think her house was haunted. When they asked for a third story, he said it was someone else's turn, and they turned to Jody.

Jody's first attempt was the story of "Jordan Rella and His Wicked Twin Sisters", but Tammy and Cammy would have none of that; they wouldn't even let him get to the part about the platinum loafers and turning the cucumber into a jet.

So Jody tried again; he looked at the dragon he had played with earlier and said, "OK — OK — This is a short one, 'K? Once upon a time, this guy (meaning the dragon) tried to settle down in an old abandoned farm, because he just wanted to raise cabbages. He liked cabbages; they were pretty and round and the same color as he is. And he didn't have to actually eat them, just grow 'em. But the Blue Knight came along and said, 'You are a dragon. You can't raise cabbages.' Then the knight tried to trap the dragon in the old farmhouse forever, and his big horse trampled around and messed up all the pretty cabbages. So the dragon flew away, so they wouldn't hurt more cabbages. He ran to his friend who lived up in the hills."

Jody went over and got another dragon off a shelf, this one was green and orange, then continued. "He was a shepherd, and he lived in a cave. They lived there for a while, but then the Blue Knight found them, and he said, 'Dragons aren't supposed to raise sheep; get in your cave and stay there forever.' The dragons tried to fight back, but if they had breathed fire on the knight they would have hurt the sheep, so they didn't. The knight said, 'Wa, Wa; what wimpy dragons you are; you can't even fight like dragons.' So the two dragons went up into the mountains and hid, but they were sad because they didn't have any sheep or cabbages. The end."

Tammy said, "That's a bad story; it's got a sad ending, and 'sides dragons are s'pose to be the scary ones and knights good."

"Na-ah," Ally said, "Can't always tell. I liked that story, 'cept the ending. I think they should find a friend to help them beat the Blue Knight. You should do a part two: 'The Return of Bam and Wam'."

Ruth had come back upstairs to get the girls ready for bed and had been standing, unnoticed, in the door listening to the end of the story. She said, "And I know a good person to be that friend, but right now it is time for the girls to get in the tub."

Tam and Cam ignored Ruth and said, "We don't like those names," and "Who are they."

Ruth said, "I'll explain it to them, Ally. You and Jody go on downstairs."

Alright — we don't really need to watch every detail of each round of the video game either. Let's move quickly to bed time.

–{Fast forward}
Jody took the plate and tray to the kitchen; Ally carried the two Appleby dolls and their brush. — They jumped onto the couch. — Jody began rolling up flowers in the video game, and Ally started brushing Rose's hair. — Jody put his feet on the dolls during Ally's turn at the video game. — Ally braided the doll's hair during Jody's turn. — Jody brushed Johanna's hair during Ally's turn. — The little girls ran into the room wearing pajamas and with feet that had morphed into rabbits; each presented Jody a dragon. — They both hugged Jody and kissed his cheek; they hugged Ally and Cammy kissed his cheek. — They ran back upstairs. — Ally showed Jody how to do a French braid, and together they finished the dolls' hair. — They each sat with their feet in the lap of the one playing the game for one turn. — They each sat with their head in the lap of the one playing the game for the rest or the turns. — Ruth came in; she left. — Ally finished his turn, and he moped up the stairs carrying a doll and a dragon; Jody moped behind him carrying a doll and a dragon. — They crept into the girls' room and put the dolls in their beds. — Ally and Jody rolled out two sleeping bags next to each other on the floor of Jody's room. — They decided to open the sleeping bags and put one on top of the other — Ruth came in with a pillow, and she took the cover off the bed and put it on top of the sleeping bags. — She hugged Jody and kissed his forehead; she hugged Ally too. — Ally and Jody got between the sleeping bags — Ruth turned out the light but left the door open halfway.

–{Play}
Ally said in almost a whisper, "Your room is really clean and neat." He thought Jody might have cleaned up just for him and thought he should say something.

"Uh-huh. I like it that way. I kinda get worried when stuff is messy, 'guess."

"Better not come into my room then."

"Doesn't bother me other places."

"That why you keep your stuff downstairs?"

"Na-uh; my–Xstepfather– made me; 'cuz I had ta come up here when I'uz bad."

"Oh." Ally tried to find a way to say something about a grownup being real stupid. He couldn't believe that Jody had ever been all that bad. He bit on his bead.

Jody took another deep breath and said, "MyXstepfather — also said I didn't play with stuff right and had to be watched. I treated robots and transforming things like dolls, he said. So all I got is blocks and guns and knives and junk. Also I don't like playing in here anyway, because it's lonely."

Ally tried to change the subject and said, "Oh — I didn't know you liked football and basketball so much to have posters though."

It didn't work. "I don't. —My Xstepf...."

"Just say 'he'."

"HE said that was what boys should put in their room. I couldn't put my own drawings up even, 'cuz he didn't like them. I don't even like soccer like you do, Ally. He made me do lots of sports stuff, but he always got mad. I use' to like gymnastics, but He said that was a girl sport."

Ally thought Jody was probably crying, though he couldn't see the tears. "Are you un-adopted now, Jody?" That would mean Edwards was gone for good.

"He — never really 'dopted us; it cost too much. He just made us change our names and said that made us his and was cheaper. And he said our real-daddy's name wasn't American and neither was Ducoux. And names had to be in his family."

"What was your daddy's name?"

"Lundke. My mama doesn't want us to use that name until we're grown up; 'cuz they tried to stop us from getting any of our daddy's money. It's my middle name now."

Ally thought a minute and said, "Well, he's right; that's not American. I've never heard of anyone named American though. His name wasn't American either."

Jody stared at Ally, and Ally continued, "You know Jenny English, in fifth grade. She lives next door to me. Her name is English, but she's American; don't think she's even ever been to England."

Jody finally started giggling.

"Oh — know what? The teacher next door to my kindergarten was French. I mean her name was Mrs. French, but it wasn't; 'cuz that's English not French."

"Huh?"

"Well the French would say Frans-say, not French; so it was French but it wasn't. Joseph American; that's OK; 'guess."

"Be quiet! I was being serious," Jody said and stuffed a dragon in Ally's face.

"'I know," Ally said.

"Ally, know what? —He was real nice at first, and then he moved in and started getting meaner and meaner. Don't tell anyone, but I was on time-out for hours all the time, and then last summer he started whipping me and sometimes made my bottom bleed, and I couldn't go to the doctor or tell Mama 'cuz he'd do it more. I thought it was 'cuz he got to know me better. That's a secret, please."

Ally put an arm over Jody and said, "'K, but it was just him."

"Mama says she thinks it was because he found out he couldn't have our money. He tried to steal some anyway and might go to jail. I hope he does."

"He can't come back though now, right?"

"Mama got him out twice, and he kept coming back. She says there is an Ar-res-training order or something now, so if he tries again he goes right to jail."

Ally hugged Jody tighter, and Jody moved closer to Ally. The dragons and Bucephalus were smushed between them. After a bit Ally said, "Now you got two dragons to help you fight monsters and blue knights though."

Jody chuckled and said, "You're so silly. And you messed up my best way to tease the twins too."

"Hee hee hee."

"Why are you so brave, because it's not really 'cuz of Bucephalus?"

"Huh? I'm not brave."

"Well, you do things and don't worry about getting teased. You even wore a ponytail today. It's like you aren't scared of getting hit at all."

"I don't wear it around most people, you know? Jody, I tried to act like a real boy, you know? That hurt a lot too, and it lasted longer than getting hit and stuff too. And it didn't make it less scary either. I don't want to anymore."

"Yeah, being scared hurts a lot too though."

"Uh-huh. I thought 'bout this; we could be secret friends, at home friends and not hang out together at school."

"No. I don't want that; I want to be real, real friends."

"Ignore those guys, hang with the good people and have fun. They hate that."

"Yeah," Jody said giggling.

They heard Ruth on the stairs and got very, very quiet, but it was too late. She said, "You two hush and go to sleep. Don't make me get fussy and ruin the whole night."

Jody said, "OK, Mama."

Ally said, "Sorry."

Ally hugged Bucephalus. Jody stretched then cuddled his two dragons. The tip of his thumb went inside his lips just the way Rocky's did, and Ally grinned at him.

Jody said, "You going to tease me 'cuz I do that; I just do it at night."

"Course not," Ally said, "I know someone else that does it just like that."

"It made — MyX — him real mad, and I had to paint this yucky stuff on it. But Mama and I tricked him. We left the very end alone, and he never knew."

Ally smiled at Jody. He had lots of kinds of friends. Josh and Leah and those guys were his friends because he had fun with them, and they didn't argue very much. Rocky was special because, even though they argued sometimes, they always wanted the other to be happy and almost always knew what the other was thinking about. Jody was special in a different way; it wasn't just they got along and liked each other. Ally thought that in Jody he had found someone who really needed to be taken care of by him, not just someone to be nice to and play with. That was very important, and that thought was almost too much for Ally. He almost stretched his neck out to kiss Jody right between the eyes, but he didn't know if Jody would like that, so he just stroked the back of Jody's head instead.

Jody grew a grin on either side of his thumb. He had other friends, a few at school and some from his old school too. Friends were people that you liked seeing and liked doing stuff with, and usually friendships took a lot of work so people wouldn't argue and fight and get tired of you. Ally was different from that, he thought. With Ally, it wasn't going to be hard to take care of the friendship; he felt sure they would always get along and like each other. Jody thought that in Ally he had found someone who really needed to be taken care of by him, not just someone to be nice to and play with. That was very important, and that thought was too much for Jody. He stretched his neck out and kissed Ally right between the eyes.

Ally giggled and said, "Boys aren't suppose' to do that."

Jody said, "Shut up! I don't care what boys are suppose to do."

Ally knew what he should say next, but he was giggling way too hard to say anything at all. He kept trying but couldn't, and he was sure Mrs. Ducoux was going to hear and get mad, so he stuffed Bucephalus's ear in his mouth.

Jody was totally confused. Ally wasn't going to tease him for saying that, was he? But why was he laughing so hard? Jody sat up and stared at Ally.

Finally, Ally got it together enough to sit up, and he kissed Jody on the cheek and pulled him back down. Jody stared at Ally and started giggling over how silly Ally was.

Soon Jody's eyes drifted closed.

Even though he was still giggling, and he was biting on Bucephalus's ear again, Ally's eyes closed at the same time.

Ally slept.

Ally dreamed.

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That's Enough

Author:

Jan S

Audience Rating:

General Audience (pg)

Publication:

500 < Short Story < 7500 words

Genre:

Transgender

Character Age:

Other Keywords:

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

A Holiday StoryWhat is enough? Enough what?
That's Enoughby Jan S

–––––– § ––––––

~Home at last!~ I thought as I sat down on the back steps. Troy greeted me with his usual huge smile. I put my arms around him and buried my head in the long blond hair on his shoulder. I said, "I don't know why I do this every year, Troy. I never really make any money out of it."

He showed his sympathy by snuggling a bit closer. We stayed like that a while and, though I wanted to stay forever, I eventually said, "OK. That's enough. Let's get dinner."

As I open the back door, I said,"Ohhhh shoot; the elves didn't show up."

The place was full of rented caterer's equipment; every pot, knife and bowl I own was piled on the countertops, and the whole place smelt of schmaltz. (~Was it schmaltz if it came from a turkey?~ I'd have to ask Shelly.) The only thing different from what I had left this morning was the little red light that flashed impatiently; there were four messages on the phone.

"Troy, couldn't you have done just a little bit of cleaning?"

He just stared at me with his big brown eyes. He never has much of a sense of humor around dinner time.

I slumped against the door, mourning the mess, until he came and nuzzled my leg.

"OK. That's enough. I've got a treat for you even though you didn't do the dishes."

His tail began to wag. I filled his bowl with kibble and got the plastic bag of turkey fat out and mixed some into his food. The smell made him spin in circles.

"Only five spoonsful though. That's enough. You need to watch your figure, love."

Bagheera had smelled or heard the kibble, and was doing his terrier impersonation: "Meo-Meo-Meo-Mow." I called to Sasha and filled their bowls adding a few giblet bits.

My compulsiveness overcame my fatigue; I rinsed some dishes and searched the kitchen for all the potato peels the paring knife had thrown about this morning. By the time I had created a tidy catastrophe out of the disaster, Troy was sitting with his nose pointing at the door.

"Oh, Troy, no walk, please. I'm too tired, and you've been out all day. Surely, that's enough." ~His name is Troy, not Shirley. -- Oh god, am I that tired?~

Troy just wagged his tail faster, so I rubbed his ears and opened the door. He was down the steps before he realized I wasn't coming; I felt so mean.

With Troy exiled, Sasha came to say hello at last. I picked her up and told her how beautiful she was; she rolled her head on my arm and purred.

It was time to hear the phone messages. But first something to drink! Shelly's wine!

*****Last night Shelly came in without knocking and yelled, "I'm here, and I got refreshments. Let's bake!!"

"Five bottles, girl! What, did you steal these?"

"They're open bottles that were left on tables; the chef and the sommelier both saw me take them, so it ain't theft."

"And what would the health inspectors say?"

"Hey, don't ask, don't tell. Just enjoy, little-goody-two-shoes. This is the good stuff! Look at all the vowels on these labels!"

"But I can't drink tonight. We have ten pies to make, and I need to be up by five to cook four turkeys."

"FOUR! You're cooking four dinners!"

"Just three; one bird and some other stuff I'm taking to a church."

"Then you will spend the afternoon serving poor people, right?"

"Where else would I be, Shelly?"

"Why didn't God make more people like you?"

"Most people wonder why He made any people like me at all."

"OK, stop. Don't get all verklempt. That's enough. Let's get chopping."

*****

I savored half a glass of wine then pushed the play button on the answering machine. "Hi. I guess you're off delivering food or else at the shelter already. -- Umm yeah, -- well -- I'm at Chez Parents' again, and it's still the same old crap. -- Well. . . Well, you know. OK, anyway, I was thinking about you. Bye."

~Oh, poor Andy. It must be hell if you're calling me. But I can't. No.~

*****Over a year ago Andy said, "But WHY? You're fine. Doesn't what I want matter at all?"

"Andy, you always knew. I told you."

"That's just a fantasy! We have a real life to lead."

"I'm the one that earns the money, Andy. I pay all the rent, buy all the food."

"If the newspaper . . ."

". . . reviews your play you'll be the next Tennessee Williams; and if the agent will just read your novel, you will be the next Truman Capote; and if you can just get your film made, you will be the new Warhol. You're going to be The great queer artiste for the twenty-first century."

"At least I know what I am!! I'm not in denial, claiming I'm something else. Ohh -- keep the damn money, and you won't have to deal with 'queers' any more. Find a 'real man' that wants you. As if!"

"No, Andy, I didn't mean that. Love. Please, I didn't! Please, Andy."

"No! That's enough!"

*****

~Don't! Stop! Why did you have to call, Andy? I don't need to relive all of that again. That's enough!~

I was holding Sasha too tightly, and now she abandoned me. I refilled my glass, took a very deep breath and started the messages again.

"Well, you ruined my dinner; how could you do this? The marshmallows were black. The cranberries weren't sweet. I poured that stuff on the potatoes, and they were runny! It was all a miserable mess. Only the turkey you argued about was any good at all! I just want you to know you'll never work out here agai....

~OH, Shut UP!~ "Shut Up! That's enough!" I yelled as I pushed the pause button "Bitch!" ~Shit, shit, shit.~

*****"You gotta give them a reason to put their aprons on so the guest will think they did most of it," I had told Shelly last night, "I give them some crá¨me fraá®che to add while reheating the potatoes on a double boiler. That brings them back a little."

"And this kosher turkey is just for a goy?"

"Yes, this horrible shitza trophy wife who probably doesn't know what kosher means."

"The word is shiksa, and people like you aren't allowed to use it."

"She wanted me to brine it too."

"OK, maybe she is a shit-za; that'd be as salty as a potato chip."

"Yeah, I couldn't bring myself to do that to that pretty bird. So what she doesn't know will help her."

*****

She didn't whisk the cream in; I wondered what she did to the other dishes. Probably nuked them for days or put them in an oven set at inferno. ~Nothing I can do about it. You can't please everyone; can't please everyone; can't please everyone, can't...~

I emptied my glass, sighed and started the next message. "Hi, honey. It's Mom...."

Quickly I pushed the skip button and took a deep breath. I wasn't ready for that one yet.

"Hello. I want you to come in tomorrow. I know you think you made some deal with George, but we're going to get drop-ins from all the shoppers and. . ."

~Come on, Greg, don't be a jerk; say please.~

". . . so if you want to keep your job you'll be here -- I'm paying everyone time and an eighth. I know you were busy today, and if you want to come in late, Susan can do your mise for you."

~The hell she can! I'll do my own mise; thank you very much. Well, at least you try to be a nice total asshole, Greg. Time and an eighth?~

I should really go to bed now but must listen to Mom's message first. I refilled my glass and did three laps around the living room.

*****Long ago I told my father -- sperm donor -- Oh Hell: Daddy, "But I'm going to make the sweet potato pie all by myself. It'll be real good."

"I said go outside and play with the boys! Now!"

"But they're playing army. I want to help. Everyone will like it; promise. Gran'mommy said it's your favorite."

"Stop. That's enough. OUT!"

*****

I closed my eyes and started the message.

"Hi, honey. It's Mom. We're all here thinking of you of course. We're at Pete's this year. Pete and Daddy are taking everyone downtown to a basketball game tomorrow, so you could call sometime after four if you wanted to. I know Christie would like to talk to you too.

"Pete made partner last summer, and both his little ones were thankful they had nice teachers this year. Christie's Joe was happy to have his driver's license, and our little Lizzy got into the select choir. That sounded a bit more like bragging than being thankful to me. Christie's husband just opened a second shop; your father said he was thankful he had his health, but of course he doesn't really, you know. Christie joked about not leading Girl Scouts any more, because Pete's new wife just started doing that. I was thankful we were all together, like every year. -- So we were a very thankful bunch -- try to call if you can. Love you, I wish you could jus. . .-- I love you, dear."

Almost ten years ago Christie had asked me to stay away until her kids were older. I was something too hard to explain to ones so young. I would confuse them she had said.

*****"Ya' can't pay me," Shelly said, "but you can give me that turkey and things you're making for the needy."

"Why? They're promised and your family wouldn't touch it, and there is milk in everything else.

"We're not going to eat that tref! But when you give it away it will be my mitzvah."

"Oh, like I don't need a blessing?"

"Blessing - schmessing. A duty's a duty. You do yours by schlepping and serving."

"Since it's all you will take. But what's with all the Yiddish tonight, huh?"

"Getting in practice to see my Bubbeh; it happens every time, subconsciously or something. Say, why not come with me? I think they might take you as a good compromise from my girl friends -- you would have to convert though."

"Well, that'd be a start, but not what I had in mind," I said, trying to joke.

"Could you pretend to be a doctor? -- Boy, you are so lucky not to have to go through all that narrischkeit all the time."

*****

I opened the door to let Troy in but found myself sitting on the back steps again. Troy loped over with a rawhide bone in his mouth.

"I'm not playing fetch with that thing. Give. Now find your ball. Get the ball." He disappeared into the bushes.

Not one of those callers had wished me a happy holiday. They know that this holiday isn't meant for people like me. Not a one did. Not all day; not even at the church.

But Giving is half of the damn, bloody name. Giving! And what if no one wants what you have to give? What then? What then? Then what?

Paranoia is always so easy, so defensible. For me. But it isn't paranoia when it is true. Maybe they had enough people to clean up the church cafeteria; maybe my cranberries looked strange; maybe I look strange. No wonder no one comes close to me. And if they do I chase them away.

Troy brought me a slobbery tennis ball, and I rolled it across the lawn.

*****"When did you last get a blood test?"

"What? Where did that come from, Shelly?"

"Well, you've got something white on your tongue and that place on your arm."

"Shelly! Stop with the Jewish mother routine. There is no way.

"You should just check even if you've been careful."

"OH, love, those are hardly the first signs, you know, and there is nowhere I could have picked anything up. It's a little bump, a bug bite maybe, and I licked a spoon with cream on it. That is all."

"You mean you haven't since Andy?"

"Yes, Now just stop."

"But that's like two years! You sure?"

"It's different for me, Shell. I don't pick every flower I meet and get around like you do."

"OK, like that am I. Look, I'm making your famous gravlax; I need to get home and turn the fish over. See ya'."

*****

Why did I say that to her? She was being annoying, but.... Oh, I do it to everyone.

I took the ball from Troy and threw it again.

Emptiness embraced me. I put my hands over my face and pulled my knees up. ~I am here,~ I yelled within my mind, ~Someone, anyone take me. I am here, damn it!~

But there was no answer.

The day was a trail of useless destruction. Nothing right; no one pleased; no one wanting to be pleased.

Why am I this? Why is there nothing? Just void. Nothing. Nada y pues nada. A Cornucopia of Pues Nada. That is all there is. All there ever was. All there ever will be.

Void without end. . . .

Troy was trying to lift my head with his nose, the ball still in his mouth, and I shoved him away. He returned to sit on a lower step and put his head next to me, his neck stretched across the cold wooden porch.

I wiped my eyes and said, "See, I can't even make you happy, can I, sweetheart?"

I threw my head back to drain the wine glass, but it was already empty. I threw the glass at a pillar and missed -- ~still such a wimp!~ -- It landed in a decaying pink caladium, only its stem broken.

I took Troy in, and I opened another of the remnant bottles. The wine had turned, and I put it upside down in the drain. The third bottle was good.

I took my new glass and shuffled toward the bath, planning a long soak, but as I entered the living room I remembered the day's destruction had reached there too. The tub was full of salt from the brine I had poured out. I stood by the couch and looked at my dark reflection in the television screen.

I touched my hair; I'd have to have a shower anyway, but you can't drink wine in a shower. Or maybe I should cut it off? Why not? God, it would be so easy not to try any more. I shook my head. ~NO! I have done that. I have done that! That would be the other way to die -- slowly, inside out.~

I stood there, watching the dark image empty the wine glass. Then I went into the bathroom and got under the shower, just letting the water roll over my head.

*****Almost a hundred people had shown up for dinner at the church. Many happy and many somber children. Some happy adults, most making it look very hard. Some unhappy adults, trying even harder. Others just accepting. Lots of offers to help to do anything.

More than enough people behind the counter too, some more skillful than others at making receiving easier.

There were plenty of turkeys, not enough foil to wrap up the leftovers. There were just enough can goods from two weeks' offerings in children's chapel, not enough sacks to pack them up in.

A woman on the vestry made her self the portion manager and the guard of the bathroom key although that had not been the original plan. She had managed to make it clear that "those people," and the organizers and other church members as well, were only being tolerated in her church.

One of the organizers made it his sole job to keep her busy in the back, but she had escaped long enough to bawl out a little girl, four or five, for spilling her drink.

Why had she volunteered for this at all?

I thought I had sneaked the little girl a new drink unnoticed, but maybe not. After that she seemed to home in on me. She told me that my cranberry sauce, really a chutney, looked too strange for people like these to like it and complained about the number of rolls I gave out. During the clean up I had been putting some spoons away in the pantry; she had grabbed them and said, "I'll take care of those. You can leave now; you've been into things all day. There are five of us still here. That's enough."

*****

When I left the tub I washed the salt off my feet and wrapped my hair in a towel. Once I had on my frumpiest, coziest flannel nightgown and fuzziest socks I looked at myself in the bedroom mirror.

~Sexy, huh? Who could resist that? -- -- This is what I am. This and only this is what I can give. Just only all of me.

~Ohh, hell. I need more wine.~

There was a new message on the phone when I got to the kitchen. Someone else complaining about their meal, I supposed. I waited until I had finished half a glass of wine before I pushed the button.

Shelly's voice said, "Hope your already in bed, so good morning. Wanted to tell you my day was completely, totally, absolutely miserable, but not so bad. Lots of fressing. And your gravlax recipe was a smash. Not so that anyone said anything, but no one said much bad either, and they all ate it. In my mishpocha that's praise for something not tradition. 'Course I told them it was special Swedish lox.

"But you're probably not in bed; you're sitting there eavesdropping on me, all plotzed in tears when you should have naches from today. You did good! You're a real mensch. So stop acting like a meshuga shmegege and get to bed, boichika! Gu' Night."

~Sweet Shelly. You know me too well! But get over the Yiddish thing, already. Isn't there a feminine form of mensch and shmegege? You could have added a vowel at the end or something.~

I topped off the wine glass, sat on the couch with my legs folded inside my nightgown and began rocking back and forth. Troy brought a toy over. I closed my eyes for a second before I took it and tossed it across the room. When he was half way back with it I pointed my finger at him and said, "BANG."

He flopped down on the floor.

"But your tail is wagging, Troy. Dead dogs wag no tails." He made no effort to make it stop.

"I guess you can't kill a good dog's tail. Alright, Troy-boy, come up here." I patted the couch and he climbed up next to me; I pull his head onto my legs and rubbed his ear. He settled down and moaned.

Bagheera was stalking me along the back of the couch, purring as he came. He lay down right behind me and began kneading my shoulder. I reached back and scratched his head.

*****When I left the church there was an old woman with swollen calves and a cane sitting alone at the bus stop. The autumn sun had set, but the earlier drizzle had almost stopped. I hadn't intended to say anything to her until I noticed the two little girls playing on the grass near by. The smaller was the girl that had spilt her drink, so I went over and said, "Hi, is your ride late?"

"Oh, no," the woman said, "We're waiting for the bus."

"Are you sure they're running today? This late?"

The bigger girl said, "We missed the other bus because she had to go to the bathroom." She showed who she meant by pushing the smaller girl hard enough to make her stumble.

"Well, I've had to go into there a few times too. Haven't you?" I said.

The girls giggled. The woman smiled and said, "There's one more coming. It should be here at six-oh-seven."

I looked at my watch; that was nearly thirty minutes from now. I said, "I could take you downtown if you need it. There are probably more buses there."

"No, sir; thank you." the old woman said, "this one takes us right where we're going without changin'."

I cringed, then said, "OK, if you're sure. I should get home; it's been a long day."

As I turned she said, "Bye and thank you for the dinner."

I wasn't sure if she had made me or not. I was wearing a long skirt and she didn't seem the sort that would confront me, just stare. Maybe she called everyone "sir". Maybe she didn't see very well.

Both girls hollered "Thank you," at the same time, obviously prompted.

I turned back around and said, "I'm glad you liked it. Bye."

As I walked on, I heard the older girl say, "That's the lady that walked around with rolls. She'as nice."

The younger one said, "And she got me a new drink when that mean lady said I couldn't. She's a real nice lady."

*****

The phone rang again. Since I was being held down by two animals, I couldn't have answered it if I had wanted to.

"Hi, that was magnificent!" the voice said. It was one of the people that I'd made dinner for, and my jaw dropped.

"Sorry to call so late but I had to tell you. My mother-in-law complained about not having potatoes, but she had thirds of your seven onion timbale. The rest was perfectly wonderful too. Call me next week; my parents and brother may come down for Christmas. And I might do a party too."

Sasha had materialized atop the rented refrigerator in the middle of the room. She was sitting serenely aloof, watching the three of us on the couch. I challenged her to a staring contest -- and lost.

I stroked Troy's chest and petted Baggy again.

~I am inside with a glass of wine in my hand and beautiful blond's head in my lap. I made some people happy today. There are two little girls in the world who know what I am; and so do I.~

"That's enough!"

I tilted my head onto the cat, looked at the ceiling, and smiled.

–––––– § ––––––

I hope the Yiddish was not a distraction. If it was a problem, check here or here

Many, many thanks to Daphne and Kristina without whose encouragement, advice and punctuation wrangling this story would not have been.

The Djinn and Me

Author:

Jan S

Audience Rating:

General Audience (pg)

Publication:

Short-short < 500 words

Genre:

Non-Transgender

TG Themes:

Wishes

Other Keywords:

Magic / Sorcery / Wizardry

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

The Djinn and Me
The best laid plans...

* § *

I was walking home through the park tonight, and I noticed a bright piece of metal catching the sun. I investigated, and buried in the leaves under an oak tree I found a very old brass sconce. I picked up and started to polish with my sleeve. There was a flash of light, and cloud of smoke, and a loud noise, not really a bang or pop, more like Jimi, Steavie Ray, B.B., and a thousand friends all playing different chords at once.

Suddenly, in front of me, there was a creature of fire, light, and wind.

I said, "What the …?"

The creature explained that he was a djinn (which is not the same as a genie, by the way. He explained that in great detail, and made it clear that he resented the confusion.). He also told me that, for rescuing him from his sconce I would be granted three wishes.

Since things like this don’t happen very often you might not believe it, but I had given a great deal of thought to exactly what I’d do in this situation.

I quickly said, "My first wish is for an infinite number of wishes!"

The djinn groaned and said, "I can not do that; it is forbidden."

I had expected that, and said, "Well then, I wish you could."

With a moan, the djinn waved his arms, again there was the guitar choir sound and the smoke and lights, and he said, "Granted. You may now ask for more wishes," and he sighed deeply.

I smiled! This was going just like I’d always planned for it to.

I said, "Fine. I wish for an unlimited number of wishes."

Again he made with the arms and the other special effects and said, "Granted."

I was on a roll! "OK," I said, "Now, I know all about the tricks people like you play. I don't want to just wind up with a collection of pets when I make wishes. So, my third wish is that I will always be able to phrase each wish so that I will get what I really want, not some quibble or some creature from some semantic game."

Again the lights and guitars etc. I was starting to like all that. And again the djinn said, "Granted."

With my new power, it took me a while to form my fourth wish, and it took me about five minutes just to speak it. The ability to see the ramifications of each wish made me aware that wiping out any disease, or really anything done on a global scale, would always cause new problems. It was necessary to keep wishes small and personal.

But eventually I did speak the wish and prepared for the display.

The djinn quietly nodded its head, if a hump in a flame can be called a head, and said, "Ah, that is well spoken and wonderful wish too but, while I gave you more wishes, I still only have to grant you three, and I have done so." Then he flew up through the trees and out of sight.

Well, I wish that had gone differently.

I don't think I really have any more wishes than before, but I wish I knew if I did or not.

I do know the difference between a djinn and a genie now, and wish I had some way to site the information so I could post it on wiki. So it goes.

I wish you all joy.

Jan

The Missing MacGuffin

Author:

Jan S

Organizational:

Series Page

Audience Rating:

Mature Subjects (pg15)

Taxonomy upgrade extras:

The Case of
The Missing MacGuffin
A Jordan Hailey Story
By Jan S

The Missing MacGuffin (1) - The First Chapters

Author:

Jan S

Audience Rating:

Mature Subjects (pg15)

Publication:

Genre:

Character Age:

Teenage or High School

TG Themes:

TG Elements:

Gay Males

Other Keywords:

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

At the end of a late summer's day, Jordan just wanted something, anything to happen, but one thing was as tedious as the next until a discovery was made that changed everything and opened ...

The Case of
The Missing MacGuffin
A Jordan Hailey Story
By Jan S

While this story isn't totally finished as yet, it will be if I have anything to say about it, though the going maybe a bit slow for this kind of tale. Still I hope you enjoy the parts as well as the future whole.

This only got written thanks to the help and encouragement of my beta readers, Daphne and Kristina. Big hugs to them both.

The First Chapters
--------------------------------------------------------------

1: Set Up

It was late on a sultry August afternoon. The sunlight squeezed through the slotted blinds and cast bright streaks across the drab walls and rug. The blades of the fan threw slow moving shadows that glided through the bright stripes, and that was the only motion; the rest of the world had come to a dead stop.

I leaned back in my chair, poured the last of a Red Bull down my throat, and waited.

A half finished report on summer reading, due Wednesday, was the all that was on my desktop. It didn't need to be done yet, and I needed something for tonight. I needed something to bring my dull life to an end.

The casement window swung open, and Blair was out on a limb once again.

That was our private entrance. Blair Lu had been my partner since middle school, when we discovered we lived on just opposite sides of an abandoned railroad track. We didn't always like each other any more but had been welded together ever since and couldn't do anything about it. Long ago we had nailed rungs to the oak outside my window to make the climb easier.

"How about knocking first sometimes?" I said.

Blair climbed through the window and said, "What for? What were you doing, Jordan?"

I didn't answer. I was about to hear the plan. Blair always had a plan -- seldom a good plan -- but always a plan.

"Get dressed. We're going to the dance," Blair said and stretched out across my bed.

Argument was useless. I hadn't had any intention of going to the dance -- hell, I had had every intention of avoiding it like a cliché -- but those words sealed my fate, and I knew it.

"You sure I was invited?"

"Hey, Jord, it's a high school thing. You're in the honor society and heir apparent to the yearbook editor, but they have to let you in anyway. It's the last waltz, dude! Remember -- school on Wednesday."

I made the expected groan then said, "I'm not wearing stuff like that."

Blair had on a pair of dark blue, pleated slacks, a dress shirt with red pin stripes, a blue and pink tie (the windsor pulled down two buttons) and, in spite of having just climbed a tree, a white cotton sports coat.

"No one has my sense of style. Semi-grunge'll pass,"

I grabbed some gray cargo pants from the pile in the corner and pulled them over the boxers which were all I had on. I said, "You know, if you didn't dress like that half the school wouldn't think you're gay."

Blair shrugged. "And yet your being seen with me is what keeps almost half the school from thinking you are. Strange, huh?"

I put on an almost clean black polo. "Is Tracy going to be there?" I asked.

"Yeah. You mind keeping Andy amused?"

I faked a laugh and said, "Not the way he wants, but I'll be my usual witty self."

As I was shoving my hair under the baseball cap I almost always wore, Blair said, "Can you get us a ride?"

I shook my head. Neither of my usual drivers was available.

We left by the door instead of the window because I had to lock the window and turn on the alarm when the house was empty, and e grabbed some sandwiches from the kitchen on the way out. Blair took the bike my sister left behind when she went to college, and we rode the two and a half miles to the pavilion in Arden Park where the dance was being held.

I wasn't looking forward to this much; dances, the whole social scene, are usually just tedious to me. But I'd been away for most of the summer; my online games had all updated and now my avatars needed rebuilds before I could use them; at least this was something to do.

I was surprised that Blair had become interested in this kind of thing too but, while I was away, Tracy had become Blair's newest Best Friend Forever, and that had to be the reason. She, Blair and Andy were a troika now -- like the three musketeers, and I was a sometimes D'Artanian. I had known both of them for years, or at least of them. Andy was The Quarterback and well known to the whole town; Tracy had almost as much fame as he did, but they hadn't really been among my friends before Blair got to know them. Andy didn't really bother me much. He pretended to have a crush on me, and that could become a pain, but I could deal with it. Tracy was more annoying, especially when she and Blair started with their Public Displays of Affection.

Gay wasn't a scarlet letter at our school. Though we did have more than enough total assholes to go around, many people were tolerant and willing to let others be. Andy and Tracy were both out to everyone that wouldn't care; they used each other to hide their taste from those that it would matter to. Somehow it worked; I don't know how.

Blair I didn't know about at all, especially now and the thing with Tracy.

I mean, in spite of the clothes and everything, she was a girl. At least that is what she had always told me. Since we were kids, she had always preferred her brother's hand-me-downs. She didn't have to wear them, her mother was a successful violist and could have bought new, and she tried to hide her gender in some ways too, but she always wore long earrings or nail polish or makeup, along with the slacks and dress shirts.

She wouldn't tell even me if she was gay or not, not even when I asked her straight out, and she knew it wouldn't make any difference to me. I don't think she had ever gone as far as heavy petting with anyone on either side though. I would have known of it; I felt pretty sure of that somehow. But she did like to play with girls like Tracy. A lot. And I was only along tonight to disguise their relationship.

Just as dusk began, we stashed the bikes in some bushes near the golf course, so we could make a more dignified entrance, and trotted towards the building. A lot of outcasts and sophomores milled about the patio; boys on one side, girls to the other, the few with dates stood in the middle and maintained physical contact with their companions to proclaim their status.

Tracy skipped over to us and put her arms around Blair's neck. Blair grabbed my hand then kissed Tracy 's cheek.

"Hello, little bubble butt," Tracy said to me and bit the edge of her thumb with her lips.

I glared at her -- a response I felt was sufficient for that lame remark -- but Blair rode up on her white stallion and told Tracy to leave me alone.

Maybe Tracy was still unsure of Blair's tastes too, because she obviously saw me as a rival and flaunted her perceived advantage in a contest I hadn't entered.

She was almost seventeen going on twelve and, in spite of her open displays with girls, she really thought she fooled people by holding a boy's hand occasionally. I guess she did fool those who think all lesbians have giant shoulders. She constantly flirts with boys too and is very good at it. Blair thought that was only a mean game; I thought she was practicing for a career as a bedroom actress.

We made our way inside and to the back of the hall where the other juniors were. Andy came over and said, "Hi, Hailey. So, are you trying to steal my date?" Then he put a possessive arm on Tracy's shoulder.

Then Andy started singing "Louie Louie, oh no; Me gotta go."

That wasn't the best way to annoy Blair --to really get to her, use any stereotype about Asians -- making fun of her name is only second best.

The four of us danced one dance, during which it was unclear who was dancing with whom, and then Tracy announced that she had to "pee" and pulled Blair away.

I was left sitting on a stone wall, my feet dangling above the ground, with Andy. He sat down next to me and put his arm behind my back, his palm on the wall, his wrist tight against the center of my ass.

Maybe he really didn't know that straight boys would not sit like that. Maybe he didn't care. There are a lot of people that don't believe a "faggot" can be six feet tall and throw a football forty yards. His coaches and teammates were among those people, I guess, and they were the ones he wished to fool.

"So, Hailey," he said, "you getting any satisfaction from Blair?"

"As much as you get from Tracy ," I said.

"Want to go to my car? I got some Jack Black there."

I said, "If we take a walk alone, Andy, rumors will start."

"Nothing serious. No one is going to believe that about me."

"But they will about me. And your image will take a hit if we hang together too much. I'm not a super jock; hadn't you noticed? "

His grin said he had, and that he liked what he noticed, but he said, "You have more pins on your letter jacket than I do, Hailey."

Running track and cross country, and wrestling as a flyweight didn't move me into that group, and we both knew it.

I said, "Logic's not their best thing," and laughed. "Andy, it's amazing that you can be so fucking assertive, and still be in the closet."

"Do you think I'm in the closet?" he asked and shrugged. "My sister says I am too, but with the door wide open and holding a bright neon sign that says, 'gay'. If they don't want to look, I don't make them, not yet, and Tracy helps them to not have to look too. Someday I'll bash the sign across their heads, -- I will -- but not until I've got my football scholarship. So, what about the drink, Hailey?"

The first, only, and last time I had had a drink was last February, on Blair's sixteenth birthday. She had found a pint of Southern Comfort which we mixed with lemonade. I had managed to clean up my puke before my parents smelled it and planned to never do that again.

"No thanks," I said and asked, "How come you call every one by their last name, but no one calls you Chekhov?"

Andy put his hand on my back and rubbed. "It's a jock thing, and my name is too ethnic; plus it sounds too close to jackoff. I'm six-one and punched someone for slipping up once. It's image, Hailey, and respect. Call teachers by their first name, and they kill you. Call 'em by there last name without something in front of it and you are in real deep shit. But I'm like the super-stars that only need one name."

"It's dis-ing me?"

"Not so much. I'll call you Jordan, but not in front of the team. Like you said: image. And I need those jerks to want to die for me if I'm going to make all-state. And if they hear me use any boy's first name, they will think I'm gay or something."

Good quarterbacks aren't completely stupid.

Good receivers and running backs are a different matter. Numbers 87 and 43 walked up. The one that plays end said, "Scram, Hailey."

In middle school my dojo put on an exhibition each field day. The canned throws bought me lots of room. Then, in my freshman year, a junior over twice my size tried to grab my shoulder with all his weight on one foot. The bruised cheek he got when he hit the floor gave me a rep for minor superpowers.

The assholes wouldn't push things, but most didn't let anyone think they liked me either. I didn't mind.

I got off the wall and went to the snack bar. Tracy was sitting in Blair's lap while she sucked a soft drink through a straw. I told them about Andy's bottle, and Tracy was ready to go to the woods. Both of them knew he wouldn't open it without me there so I went along.

While we were getting the bottle from the trunk, Andy pulled out an Uzi with a two liter bottle attached to it. He turned around and said, "squirrel hunt!" then opened fire, drenching my shirt with the battery powered squirt gun. A group of boys near another car laughed louder than necessary. Tracy laughed loudly too but called Andy an asshole; Blair kneed him in the balls and tried to break the gun. I took the shirt off, threw it at him, and said, "Wash it."

Andy recovered enough to open the bottle and take a large swallow. He was still laughing; he thought the joke well worth the pain. Since he was staring at my torso, I realized why and took Blair's jacket from her.

We took the bottle into the park and sat beside the oversized pond known as Saturn's Lake. Tracy was taking very small sips, and in two seconds began acting soused. Blair knew we would be riding bikes home, so she held her tongue over the bottle lip when she threw her head back.

I did the same.

Blair and I weren't really out here to get drunk. It was just about getting away from the crowd and to do something that might lead to something exciting; just for the lulz. Only Andy made a noticeable difference in the liquid's level as, on each turn, he took a deep gulp and fought off the need to gag. I knew that this was supposed to be a display of macho-ness that was meant to impress me, but it didn't.

We sat on the grass, and Tracy leaned her head on Blair's chest and began to lick her shirt pocket. I wondered if Blair enjoyed that through the ace bandage I knew she was wearing. Tracy was one of the few girls wearing a skirt at the dance, a knee length prairie skirt with a slightly longer ruffle bottomed slip under it. As she sat next to and on Blair, she didn't give a thought to what she showed us. Andy didn't notice, and I didn't stare.

After his second turn, Andy put his legs out, and I let him stroke the knees of my dirty pants with his dirty shoes. "If you get busted or die in a wreck, Andy," I said, "the whole town will kill you."

"Or they will just repeal the drinking age for football players," Tracy said. Football was a very big deal in this town, and Andy, even I admitted, was very, very good at it.

Andy said, "No worry. My sister is here somewhere. She's driving or will find a boy to drive us if she's drunk too. And there is always a second string lineman around somewhere."

He used the need to talk to move slightly closer to me. When his shoe began to caress my crotch, I grabbed it. Blair laughed at me. Tracy giggled and said, "You are just a tease, Jordie. Why are you so mean to our sweet town hero?"

That was when we saw lights moving across the golf course.

"Someone's got alcohol poisoning," Blair said. "Probably one of your linemen, Andy."

"Nah," he said, "they're all too big. They never die before midnight." He took another hit from the bottle and lay back in the grass to show his lack of concern.

The flashlights stopped near where Blair and I had hidden the bikes. We got up to go investigate but stopped when we heard sirens. The music in the pavilion cut out in the middle of a song and all the lights inside came on. Five police cars pulled into the parking lot. Every student knew this suburb had only seven.

Andy was non-reactive; the rest of us started to walk towards the building but, from over a hundred yards away, we could tell that all of the boys there were being lined up by the police.

Blair said, "Jordan, you better wait. Trace, stay with Jord. You've had too much to drink."

But Tracy's drunkenness had vanished, and she said, "No. Wait. The people at the shop will know what's happening."

Her father and uncle owned the largest garage in town and had tow trucks. Someone there would be listening to the police band, and this, whatever this was, would have been broadcast.

She dug her cell phone from her purse. After a three minutes conversation, she turned to us, her face ashen, and said, "The MacGuffin is missing."

--------------------------------------------------------------
2: Establish

"Who the fuck would want to steal the damn MacGuffin," I said.

Tracy said, "Whatever. They did, and all the boys here are being questioned, and they are checking their shoes because they found foot prints by the golf course."

Blair said, "Oh, shit. Let me think."

I felt like I'd been slugged in the stomach. I always did when she said that.

"Jordan, take your clothes off," Blair said after thinking for what was obviously much too short a time.

"What the hell!" I replied.

"Jordan, it's our footprints they found by the fence. Tracy, take off your slip."

Blair was rummaging through the backpack she took everywhere. She emerged with a handful of highlighter pens. Don't get the wrong idea; it isn't because she's Asian that she carried school supplies around in August, it's because she never cleaned out that pack. She's only half Asian anyway.

Then she grabbed my hand and began using a red marker on my fingernails. Tracy grabbed a neon pink pen, yanked my shoes and socks off, and started painting my toenails.

"What the hell are we doing?" I asked.

"Getting you out of here, stupid," Tracy said.

"Jordan, they are only hassling the boys, not the girls," Blair said.

Then I understood the program. I tried desperately to find a different plan. I started to say, "The hell I'm doing this," but when a county sheriff's unit pulled up on the opposite side of the lake, it ruled out swimming for it.

Tracy said, "Blair, you need to look more like a girl too." When had she gotten so smart?

Blair took off her shirt and unwrapped the ace bandage around her chest. She said, "Take your pigtails out and give one of the ribbons to Jordan."

"I have something better," Tracy pulled a brush and a barrette with a pink flower on it from her purse. She parted my collar length hair down the middle and put some of it into the barrette at the back. She managed to get a small, silver one into Blair's shorter hair too.

I finally had my pants off and pulled Tracy's slip on; it was white with purplish threads at all the seams, and reached just below my knee. It was too large to stay up, but Tracy had safety pins in her purse. As she pinned the waist, she said, "Don't do something nasty in that, buster."

I sneered at her.

Blair dragged me to some bushes that were closer to one of the lights around the lake. She had put her shirt back on but still had noticeable breasts. I don't think I'd ever noticed them before.

She took out her mascara, eye liner, and other stuff and began on my face.

"I don't want to look goth," I told her.

"Next time we can worry about your look, Jordan, not now."

When Blair was done, Tracy made me stand up and said, "Needs something." She took off her blouse and bra and had me put on the bra. It was an underwire, of course, white with pink lace at the top.

Blair produced a Swiss Army Knife and cut her ace bandage in two; half went into each cup. Tracy pinned the back of the coat so it was much tighter. The top of my bra showed, and the wire pushed up enough skin to make it look real. She used the scissors on the knife to remove and unravel the lavender bow that had been attached to her blouse and tied it around my waist over the coat.

Then she grabbed Blair's and my shoes and the bottle of bourbon and took them to the lake and threw them in as far as she could. I watched as eighty dollars sank to the bottom of the lake. Tracy was back to her skipping self as she returned.

Blair had rolled up her shirt tail and tied it off under her breasts leaving her stomach showing.

I stared at her navel and its little gold ring. I said, "Christ, you look like a girl, Blair."

"Jesus, so do you, Jordan," she said.

Tracy eyed me up and down, smiled, and cooed as she said, "Ohhh, Jordan, you look so sweet! We're going to have to say you are just a freshman though, baby."

"Knock it the F off, Tracy!!" I said.

Blair told me to keep it down, and Tracy said, "Oh, just chill, Jordan. Get your shoes on quick." She pointed at the wedge heeled sandals she had been wearing.

Blair had produced her pool thongs from her backpack and, while I strapped on the sandals, she took off her belt and strung her necktie through the loops leaving the ends dangling at her side.

Blair said, "OK, now what do we do with him, Tracy?" Andy was still lying in the grass, passed out.

"That's the easy part," Tracy said as she sprayed something behind Blair's and my ears, she gave three extra squirts in my general direction, and then said, "Let's go girl friends."

I said, "No, look, there is no way I can pull this off, not with a bunch of cops. And we can't just abandon Andy. Just being drunk will get him kicked off the team. Then the whole town will fall into ruin."

Tracy sounded calmer and serious. "You really can do it, Jord. And we're not leaving Andy; we're going to get him a special quarterback's cab."

"But what about your shoes, Tracy? Look I'll just wait here."

"Na-uh, that's not what girls would do. You have to come, and those will make you walk better if you're careful. Besides, I go barefoot a lot; I have tough soles."

I said, "Three of them, I bet."

Tracy smiled at me. She had actually got that. Who was this girl?

She looked me in the eyes. "No, no, not really at all."

I took her hand and gave it a squeeze. Immediately, I wondered if I'd just been tricked; I wasn't yet convinced she had a gentle soul at all.

Blair had crammed my pants into the backpack. Tracy wrapped her arms through Blair's and mine and, holding both our hands, led us towards the building. Half way there she said, "OK, Jorie, listen, your voice will be the hardest part. Don't talk if you don't have to, and if you do, do it at the top of your throat, but not from your nose. Try it."

I said, "You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together and blow."

Tracy pretended to melt next to me. She said, "You've been practicing, haven't you? But way toooo sexy! Maybe a little more nose, and higher. You're only sixteen. You walk great in those shoes too."

Well, everyone has tried to sound like Lauren Bacall, haven't they? And they were only three inch wedgies, not stilettos.

I used less throat, a higher pitch, and threw in a fake giggle. "Only fifteen. My birthday's still eight days away."

The second we reached the asphalt parking lot, a woman yelled at us. "You girls were told to wait at the gate." She was in plain clothes but definitely a police officer, and definitely thought herself an important one.

Tracy turned it on at once. "Mrs. Stern, hi." Worry dripped from her voice. "I - J - Hailey, can't find her phone! And can't call her parents. And will get killed if she doesn't. And would it be OK, please, if I asked Officer Benwell to shine some headlights over there for just a minute, please?"

"Hell, Tracy, do you know what's happened? Just make it damn quick." Then she yelled to a cop named Lloyd to come and help us.

Tracy ran over to him and got into the front of a cruiser. She screamed at us to meet her there. So Blair and I went right back to where we had just been. Well that was easy! I was kind of disappointed; all that worry for nothing

The cruiser came across the grass and managed not to shine its lights on Andy's carcass. The cop, Officer Lloyd Benwill I guess, laughed when he got out of the car and said, "Hell, I guess if I'as a football star, I could take three pretty girls into the woods at once too, but I sure as hell wouldn't be stupid enough to pass out."

Tracy was talking on the phone as she got out of the car, then she said, "OK, Cynthia is going to be behind the Seven-Eleven. Is that all right, Mr. Benwell?" Cynthia is Andy's sister, a senior.

"Yeah, but we need to do it fast or Lieutenant Stern will skin me, girls. Tracy, if he pukes in my car, I'm going to have your daddy make you clean it up yourself."

"I'll clean it up, but just don't tell him why I have to, OK?"

"How could you'll let him do this with the game against the Ferral High Wildcats just next week anyway?"

Blair said, "OH, we tried hard to stop him, sir. I think he was trying to show off."

"And why would he have to do that? If it happens again, I won't be able to help you."

"We will make sure it doesn't!" I said. Both Blair and Tracy glared at me to tell me to shut up, but the cop didn't see anything wrong with my voice.

It took both Blair and me to get Andy sitting upright but, once he was, he came to. He looked at me, put his arm around my neck, and said, "Hey, Jordan," and tried to kiss me. Then he said, "Hailey! Wow!"

I quickly put my lips on his to keep him quiet. The smell and taste make me nauseous, but he shut up. I could hear Tracy stop in mid-giggle several feet away, and Blair made a demi-retching sound right in my ear.

It took the cop's help to pull and push Andy into the back of the police car, but we got him there.

As Officer Benwill opened the front door, I said, "Can you tell us what is happening?"

"Not supposed to say anything, sorry."

"But why are they arresting every single boy??" I said, hoping to sound weak, scared, and pleading.

"We're not arresting them all at all. Just questioning them. Some boys were seen around the country club building and did something. Did any of you see a boy in a white jacket and dark pants, and one in a black shirt and gray pants at the dance?"

"Lots of boys wear black shirts, sir," I said. "It's like a uniform. But no boy would wear a jacket; it's too hot."

"Well, one did," Officer Benwell said. "Red Kipperman saw him running away from the club house just before the dance."

Tracy said, "Why is everyone so sure that it was a boy that broke into the clubhouse?" Blair's eyes shot daggers at her.

"Hell, no girl could have got up that tree and smashed in that window, Tracy. Come on, you'll get into the car. Let's get a move on."

I said, "We left our bikes over by the fence and can't leave them. We'll get them and head home."

"Wait!" the cop said, "those are your bikes! You two better go and tell the lieutenant that, right now! Go on. Get in, Tracy . You'll are gonna get me into it."

The cop wouldn't leave until Blair and I started walking towards the building and the lieutenant. When we were out of his hearing Blair said, "Why did you mention the bikes, Jordan? Shit!"

"I didn't want to get into the cop car. Duh. How come Tracy knows all the cops?"

"Because their garage takes care of all the town's cars and trucks, and she has worked there, answering phones and things, since she was about eleven, and played there her whole life. Now, why is this Red Kip-what-ever trying to frame us? And who is he?"

"Because he took the MacGuffin, obvi. But I've never heard of him."

"'Obvi??' Jordan, is that mascara getting into your brain, or something?"

I shook that off. "Give me your phone in case the cop ask if we found mine." (My parents are so dumb they don't think I need one.)

Blair reached into her backpack and came out with her phone, my wallet, and a small pink and white nylon bag. It was shaped like a backpack with two straps, but was only about six inches square.

"Do you have a kitchen sink in there? I'm thirsty," I said.

"Kath asked me to hold that for her at the pool once. Just be happy we have it," Blair said and handed me a bottle of water.

Just before we got to the parking lot I stopped. "Blair, she's going to see through this, you know."

"I don't think she will, Jordan. That cop sure didn't. Hell, I think she's more likely to think I'm a boy than that you are. Really, you look good. Relax."

Easy for her to say. I closed my eyes, and thought "PERKY", then I walked over to the head cop.

It took five minutes of standing there for us to get Lieutenant Stern's attention. She wasn't very happy to learn the bikes belonged to us. They had been her best lead, and we had taken it. She asked us about everything we had seen by the fence and at the dance.

Eventually, she stared at each of us and said, "Am I supposed to believe you rode bikes in those clothes and those shoes? Whose bikes are they?"

"Ours!" Blair yelled, "We just rode barefoot. One's a girl's bike, if you haven't looked at them yet. We had to get here and had to be dressed up, Ma'am."

"I'm not buying this. Are you sure you're not really a boy; are you just trying to hide from us?"

I couldn't believe she would actually say that! But she was looking at Blair, at least as much as she was at me, when she did.

"What!!" Blair screamed it loud enough for other cops to look over. "You want me to pull my pants down and show you!!"

"All right. All right," the Lieutenant said, "Some of you kids are a bit strange."

Blair glared at the woman. I said, "Can we go now? My mother will be worried about me."

Just then Mr. Friend, the high school counselor, walked over, probably because of Blair's outburst. "Hello, Blair," he said, "Lieutenant, I can vouch for Blair. She wouldn't have been involved with this."

"Damn it, Arnie, you have vouched for every single kid here all night long!"

"That's because there isn't any way any of these kids would have done it! Why in the world would any of them want the MacGuffin, Jane? And also, as I pointed out, it would have to be someone with a car. They wouldn't have tried to carry the MacGuffin on bikes."

"Well, this is a city park, not the school grounds, so I can't just start inspecting their cars. I suppose you know the other one too."

Mr. Friend had been looking at me while he spoke to the lieutenant. Now I looked up at him for the first time and said, "Hi, Mr. Friend."

I was sure the whole charade was about to come to a crashing end, but the school counselor said, "Hailey?! Yes, Jane, I know - hum-ma - her too. She in the honor society and wouldn't have done this either."

"Let me see both of your driver's licenses," the officer demanded.

"Um, I don't have one yet, Ma'am. I have last year's school ID; that's all."

"Why don't you? Hailey, is it? What's your last name?" She asked me.

"My name is Jordan, and I'm not sixteen yet," I said as I pulled out the ID, which had a picture of me on it. I hoped the light was bad enough, because my hair had been shorter then and a different color.

She glanced at the ID and didn't notice the comma between the 'Hailey' and the 'Jordan' on the card, but she said, "This isn't yours; the hair is brown."

"Yes, ma'am, I dyed it for a costume thing last month. It has started to grow out though, if you want to look." I had tried to get it as white as possible to be a mad scientist anime character at Ani-Con. That was why it was so long now too. I was going to get it cut and re-dyed after the next convention at the end of September.

"Jane, I told you who she is," Mr. Friend said, "I'm sure their parents will be looking for them soon. Can't they go?"

"All right, but not with the bikes. They are still evidence. If you want them back, bring your folks with you and get them tomorrow."

"But ...," I said.

Mr. Friend didn't let me finish. "Come on, Hailey and Lu. Come with me - Now!" he said.

We had walked only a few feet before he turned to me and said, "If you don't want to come with your parents to get the bikes, and I imagine you don't, come in the morning. I'm sure I'll be at the station until at least eleven, and might be able to help you. Or wait until Monday. This whole thing will be over by then. I'm real busy next week, Jordan, but I think we should have a meeting the second week of school about this. No. No," he said, cutting off my interruption, "Not tonight. Get away from the park -- both of you. I want to hear why you want to dress like this, but I can't tonight."

I didn't bother to try to explain any more but just started walking towards the gate. The cops had begun to let the boys go, and there was a parade of cars leaving the parking lot; pedestrians radiated in every direction from the building. A few girls still waited beside the gateway where the road entered the unfenced park.

I steered Blair away from the road; at least out on the lawn there was less light. She chuckled and said, "Stop worrying so much, Jord. No one is going to make you. Told you she would think I was a boy before she did you. It's because of this giant nose of mine. And you've been out of town for most of the last two months; no one's seen you with that hair color yet, remember."

"They saw it tonight, Blair! And will see it at school Monday. But Blair that's the easy part. We are being framed for this! And I've got to get those bikes back somehow before my parents notice they're gone."

"Settle down, Jor! Really. You had your stupid cap on when we were inside. You're always saying it's so dull; well, something is happening. Deal!"

I hate people that say stuff like that, and Blair was the worst because she actually did stay clam so often.

We were walking in a straight line for the group of stores across the street and three blocks from the gate. It wasn't a good destination either, the Starbuck's and Seven-Eleven would be crowded, but it was in our way if we were heading home. Just as Blair said, "Deal", a voice came from some bushes; "Well, hey. It's Blair. Hello, Blair."

Stifled chuckling came from the trees next to the voice.

Sydney Greenway and Lori Peters, two of the girls at the top of my "not favorite people" list, were lurking there. The pungent odor explained the lurking and the laughing. I couldn't believe they would be smoking a joint with all the cops around, but I couldn't believe they had a chipmunk's brain between them either. They always reminded me of some duo in old movies. Syd was husky -- to put it nicely -- and Lori was very thin, sort of like Laurel and Hardy.

Blair said, "Hello, Syd. Good bye, Syd and Lori."

Wait - uhm - a," Lori said, "Have you heard what happened?"

"Yeah, the cops asked all the boys a bunch of questions. Not a news flash," Blair said.

I was trying to stay in the shadows; these weren't people I wanted to recognize me dressed like this."

"Not just that," Lori began, but Sydney finished for her, "It looks like a pipe bomb went off in the high school, and five more have been found. The start of school will be called off for two weeks."

Blair said, "Oh, yeah? Great news. You know who it was yet?"

"Ferral High kids, of course," Sydney said.

"Tee-hee-ehh. Or one of the psycho nerds, like that friend of yours, Jordan or whatever," Lori said.

"Could be, sure," Blair said, and kept walking.

Sydney had noticed me, however, and said, "Blair, you've given up on Tracy and found a new little friend." Then to me she said, "You aren't very tall are you?"

I said, "Well, I, uh, I try to be."

Sydney and Lori laughed -- probably the herb. I doubt they recognized the line from The Big Sleep. It wasn't one of my better ones anyway.

Lori said, "You know about Blair? She doesn't usually look like that, you know. You do know whose side she's on, don't you?" Then she snickered.

I grinned and said, "I don't know which side anybody's on. I don't even know who's playing today." I couldn't believe my luck, two Bogart lines in one conversation, but I had had to deliver them in a high pitched voice; it's impossible to do Bogie and Bacall at the same time. This time Blair laughed though, and I wondered it she had finally recognized a movie quote.

We were saved by the bell, literally -- or almost so; it was eight bars of "I Kissed a Girl" coming from Blair's phone in "my purse". It didn't take much thought to figure out who would have that ring tone on that phone and, since they recognized the song, Lori and Syd were laughing too hard to stop me from moving away to answer it.

Tracy had found a ride, and I wouldn't have to deal with anyone who knew me. They were coming to get us where the bike path entered the park.

When I hung up I said, "Well we're out of the park, and I haven't been spotted. So you were right, Blair, but now I have to do this again tomorrow to get the bikes, and do you have any ideas on how to pin this on Kipperman?"

She said, "Just let the cops handle it, Jord, and Mr. Friend said it would be found this weekend, so wait until Monday to get the bikes too."

"He can't really know that, Blair. And my parents will blow up if they notice the bikes are gone. We need to take this case."

"Take this case? OK, Jord, Tracy will probably know who Kipperman is."

"Do you think the only reason he's framing us is because we were handy?"

"There's a tow truck up by the road. That will be her," Blair said, and we started trotting to it.

We crammed ourselves into the truck, and I wound up sitting on Tracy's lap. That was weird to me, but I was the smallest of us, and she was the largest. She wrapped her arms around my waist and kept stroking my sides. That made it worse.

The driver's name was Dallas McGee, and the second we were on the street he started talking about the game against the Wildcats and some preseason pro game; he didn't seem to noticed we weren't paying attention.

I whispered a question about Kipperman into Tracy's ear, but Dallas heard it and said, "Red's a good ol' boy. He has a landscape company and handles the grounds for the country club too. He likes to give jobs to the boys that play sports and need the money, and gives them time off for practice. It's a good job for football players; almost like time in the weight room. A good guy, but hard core. Don't you girls try messing with him."

He didn't say hard core about what.

We got to my house. Phase two of the gauntlet began. Dallas had left his yellow lights flashing for the whole trip, and having those pull into our driveway reduced my chance of a stealth entrance.

He had to come around to open the door for me because there wasn't a handle on the passenger side. I was going to make a mad dash for it, and started running up the drive, but Tracy further compromised that plan by jumping out of the truck and yelling, "Jorie! You forgot you bag." She came running after me with her little pink pack.

I said, "Trace, that's yours, and you're going to ..." I had to stop when she pushed me against the house and kissed me. Uh - kissed me exuberantly. I had never had someone else's tongue in my mouth before; it was interesting, but this wasn't the right time and I didn't want it to be Tracy's tongue.

I tried to think what Bogart would have said. I knew there had to be a line, but the one thing I'd never rehearsed was turning down a kiss. All that came to mind was, "It's better when you help." But that's Bacall's line and the opposite of what I wanted.

Tracy said, "You really are luscious, Jorie. Mmm, and tasty too." Then she trotted back to the truck; leaving me blushing by the door. That was all not the way it was supposed to be.

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3: Interpersonal Conflict

In my biggest break of the night, my parents hadn't come out to investigate the noise or the flashing lights. I took a deep breath, opened the back door, and began to sprint.

My mother was in the den watching TV and reading. She yelled, "You're back."

I ran through the kitchen and up the stairs. My dog, Asta (a cocker, not a terrier unfortunately), chased after me.

I yelled back to my mother, "I'm a homing pigeon. I always come back to the stinking coop, no matter how late it is." I had to say that, I always did and it was expected of me. This time I also said, "I need to get to the bathroom."

I could hear her answering but couldn't understand the words. That didn't matter because I knew what she was saying: "My housekeeping isn't that bad. Come back down, I want to talk to you." She had to say it; she always did.

But her housekeeping was almost that bad. It's not that she was obsessive-compulsive though; she wasn't that organized, and she wasn't so compulsive that she kept old toothpaste tubes or things like that, just everything else.

I got into the bathroom and finally got to view what Blair had done to my face. It wasn't good; too much of everything, but she hadn't had much light. I spread baby oil all over and had one eye looking nearly normal when my mother called from the steps.

"Are you OK, Jor? I want to talk to you."

"Fine, Mom. Just a minute. Burritos," I yelled back through the door. The makeup wasn't being a problem, but I had no idea how to get the marker off my fingernails. Polish remover did a quick, but half way, job. It would have to do, Mom was calling a second time. I went downstairs without a shirt or shoes.

Mom asked me about the dance, and I avoided the question with an "OK," but she had heard about it, so I had to tell her about all the boys being questioned but said I had left the dance by then and not been rounded up.

I asked if it had been on the news or something, and she said, "No. Just all over the grapevine. Seven mothers have called here to see if your father knows anything about it."

"Does he? Where is he?" I asked. My father is the District Attorney. Don't think that made my life easier though; it did just the opposite. What would be little screw-ups for other kids would ruin his career if I committed them, and I knew it.

"No, he won't until the police have more to go on. He went to bed an hour ago," she said.

"OK, I'll do that too. Night."

"Wait, Jordie. Your coach called too. Cross Country practice is canceled for tomorrow, but you are to run three kilometers and call him with your time. Now, come and at least give me a good-night hug, first."

When I did she said, "That's not Blair I smell! Do you have a girl friend? Or did you use something to hide another smell?"

"Mother!? And I thought you were just being motherly. It was a trap. What are you sniffing for?"

"Grass or booze? And that was only a secondary reason; I wanted a hug too."

"You know I don't do that crap. I don't."

"OK. So a girl friend then?"

"I was with lots of girls. That's all you smell."

I was almost out of the room when she said, "Did you paint you nails tonight?"

Oh, hell. "No, Blair and Tracy got wild with some markers, is all?"

"And mascara?"

Shit! "Yeah, that too. Night." Then I got out of the room fast.

I took a shower and worked on my face and nails some more. An emery board was working on the marker but was very slow, I thought of using the edge of a file, but worried about how much damage that would cause to my nails.

Asta started barking in my room, and I knew Blair was at the window.

I wrapped a towel around my waist and let her in. Then I said, "I thought you would still be with Tracy."

"No. That driver dude was told to bring her home. You sure started getting on real good with her all the sudden."

I just shrugged. I didn't think Blair would think I was interested in Tracy, and would see it was only Tracy's moves.

Blair said, "I need to borrow some clothes for tomorrow. We are going to go and get the bikes, aren't we?"

"I guess it would look suspicious if we didn't. But, Blair, do you think I can do that again? In day light?"

"Yeah, you can, Jord. No choice." She had opened the secret panel behind my Murder, My Sweet poster.

My house was a ranch style, originally only one story. My room, the only one upstairs, was added later and was very long with a low, sloped ceiling and a dormer over looking the back yard. At one end of the room was a hinged piece of paneling that led to a crawl space. When the rest of the house got too full, my mother had me pile things in there. Blair knew lots of my sister's old clothes were in there.

"I'll look, Blair. Just a second and let me get something on." I took some boxers into the bathroom; asking Blair to turn around or something would have been useless. When I got back, Blair was standing in the storage room holding my tits.

"Damn it, Blair. Put them down!" I said.

"I doubt your sister ever owned these. She wasn't that worried about things like that. Even when she was smaller than these."

I grabbed the breast forms from her and said, "I got them to wear on cross dress day at nerd camp. You were there."

"Oh, yeah. You did look good. So you spent forty bucks to have boobs for one day?"

They had cost a lot more than that, but I didn't answer. Instead I took my breasts from her and said, "The stuff on the right will be too small for you. Look through the piles on the left."

Blair laughed and said, "You have the stuff that fits you separated? Are you a transvestite, Jordan?"

"The order is chronological. Look, you're one to talk, aren't you? Just grab some jeans and go. I've got to get to sleep."

"Uh, I'm not a transvestite, Jordan. I'm a girl. Remember?"

"Blahhck!" I said, "You are. I looked it up, and the word works for women too, Blair."

"Yeah, well, you know if you let Tracy know you like to dress up, she will crawl down you pants - or rather up your skirts - in a flash, Jorieeee. You would like that, huh, 'Luscious'?"

"Come on, Blair, I'm not interested and neither is she really. You know that."

"No I don't. I brought you some lip gloss and eye liner to use tomorrow, but you probably have some, right?"

"Shut up, jerk!"

I grabbed a long skirt that I thought would fit her and a pink t-shirt and threw them at her. I told her again to leave, but she wasn't done.

"You know that store, Hotz-N's, on Fifth Street. They have gaffs there. Ask for Terry; say you know me."

"Shut up, Blair. But you know where to shop. I guess they have things for female cross dressers too, huh? And you don't have girl's clothes to wear for even one day!"

Then I heard my mother's voice on the stairs. She said, "Who is up there, Jordan?" She was actually coming up to my room, a very rare occurrence. She opened the door and said, "Oh, hi, Blair. I think it is too late for you to be here."

"I was just leaving, Mrs Hailey," Blair said. She slapped the two tubes of makeup down on my desk and headed for the window.

My mother told her to use the door. At first I worried about my mother seeing the makeup, but that worry vanished when I noticed my breasts still lying on the bed. I sat on the bed and tried to push them under the unmade sheets.

Blair left by the stairs without another word to me. As she walked away, I called, "I'll take care of those things tomorrow by myself, Blair."

Mom said, "What were you fighting about?"

"A long story, Mom. Let's do this in the morning, OK?"

"Jordan, I want you to tell me what is going on. Not just this fight, but are you doing things and keeping them secret?"

"Mom, I told you I don't do drugs or get drunk. I promise. You have to trust me or lock me up. You've said that yourself."

She sat in the chair at my desk, and picked up the makeup. "I mean other things, Jordan. You can confide in me. I won't blow up, honey."

"Blair just has some weird ideas," I said.

"OK, some other time maybe. But, Jordan, it is time for you to take those steps off the tree. You are both too old for that."

"Trust, Mom?" I said, but I was also thinking it would be nice to not have Blair pop in all the time any more. "I didn't ask Blair to come over. I want to run before it gets hot tomorrow since I don't have practice, so I need to get to bed."

She sighed before she got up and said, "Good night then, honey. I love you."

"Me too you," I said, and she left.

I didn't expect to sleep well. I needed to find a way to prove that Kipperman had stolen the MacGuffin. I still had to come up with a way to get the bikes. It looked like I was going to have to go out dressed as a girl again tomorrow. And now, I had to figure out what the hell was going on with Blair too. She couldn't really be jealous of me because of Tracy's games with me, could she?

End of Part One

The Missing MacGuffin (2) - The Next Chapters

Author:

Jan S

Audience Rating:

Mature Subjects (pg15)

Publication:

Genre:

Character Age:

Teenage or High School

TG Themes:

TG Elements:

Gay Males

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

Jordan is pulled deeper and deeper into the mystery of the MacGuffin's disappearance as more and more suspension is cast on him and his friends. Then, just when it seems he has a new lead, disaster strikes.

The Case of
The Missing MacGuffin
A Jordan Hailey Story
By Jan S
The Next Chapters

--------------------------------------------------------------
4: Suspense

8 am; Saturday morning. Almost invisible I passed down the streets as they came awake. Old men walked across lawns to retrieve newspapers unaware of what had happened during the night. Women gazed out of windows oblivious to the differences in the world. Children chased balls across lawns not knowing that today was not just another Saturday morning.

My feet pounded the hard pavement, step, step, step. I seemed to be just one more person training on the suburban streets, but each step was taking me further and further from the past; deeper and deeper into The Case of Missing MacGuffin.

And closer to the scene of the crime.

The phone had rung at seven-thirty this morning, early for a call on a Saturday, even in my house, but it was a good time to run in August, and it only took me twenty minutes to convince my body of that.

My father was still on the kitchen phone kitchen when I got downstairs. He held up his hand to tell me to wait. While I drank my orange juice I realized that he was talking to Ms Lu and something had happened with Blair.

As soon as he hung up, he said, "Were you with Blair last night?"

"Most of the time. What's happened?"

"The police came and got her about seven this morning. You weren't involved in it, were you?"

"NO! And neither was she, Dad. You can't think that. Can't you do something."

"I really can't, Jordan. I know her too well to get involved at all. You understand that."

"But she was with me the whole time we were at the park. She couldn't have taken the MacGuffin!"

"The MacGuffin? Is that what this is? I didn't even know that yet. I going to find out what the police want her for. But that is as far as I can go.

"I'll be busy today, but your mother has some plans for you. Go do your run, and hurry back."

"I need to do some things this morning, and I have to do something to help Blair, Dad."

"Stay out of it, Jordan. I don't want you mixed up in it. Understand. I thought you were kind of getting tired of her anyway. And I heard you two had a fight last night. So stay out of it."

"When a man's partner is - in trouble - he's supposed to do something about it. It doesn't make any difference what you thought of - her. She was your partner and you're supposed to do something about it. And it happens we're in the' ..."

"Detective business," my father said, trying to cue me past a pause.

"...same high school," I said. "Well, when one of your organization gets - arrested - it's - it's bad business to let them get away with it, bad all around, bad for every - student - everywhere."

He laughed and said, "Don't get your name in the paper."

Now I was jogging to the country club. The first thing to do is investigate the scene. That's the way it is always done, and I needed information. Information about what the police knew, or thought they knew. Information about what had really happened.

I made plans as I jogged. I would go into town as Hailey Jordan, the girl. I really had no choice. The cops expected a girl to come and get the bikes, and a girl should show. If they suspect her of being Blair's accomplice, they would only be more suspicious if she didn't. Also, my father told me to keep my name out of the paper and, if Hailey Jordan was in town, then Jordan Hailey wouldn't draw any attention, right?

At least until after the strip search.

I veered off the bike trail and began a loop of the golf course, jogging along the paved cart path.

The scene of the crime was easy to spot. About a dozen people stood, walked, or crawled around in an area marked off with yellow tape.

A second story window had been broken, even the sash was splintered. Near the window was a single fir tree; its branches barely reached the window sill. I could only look from a distance, but I couldn't see how someone could use those limbs to climb into the room.

I was going to turn around at the fifteenth green and make another pass by the building when I saw a small red pickup pull up to the garden shed at the back of the course. A man with red hair got out of it. That must be Red Kipperman.

He carried a long green pole from the back of the truck into the shed and came back with a wooden crate. He placed the crate carefully on the front seat of the truck.

The MacGuffin! It had to be.

Someone yelled, "FORE!" I had stopped where the path crossed a fairway. I started running towards the shed again, but Kipperman jumped into the driver's seat of the truck and came towards me, cutting across the grass.

I turned around and went the other way. The truck got onto the paved path and kept following. Kipperman must have recognized me.

I didn't panic, but I sped up and I cut across the fairways and than raced towards the park and the public trail. I climbed the fence and then look back. Kipperman drove straight over to a cop, and the policeman dashed to his car and drove off.

That police car was coming up the boulevard as I came out of the woods. I shifted into a full sprint now, cut a corner and dodged cars to get to the other side of the road and the Burger Haven parking lot before the cop got there. I ran past the storefronts, dodging most of the window shoppers, shoving a few out of the way and hurdling two strollers.

I ducked around the building and into an alley just as the cop saw me and blasted his siren. I ran down the alley and I crawled through a well known hole in the fence

I was on the trail again. The officer saw me but couldn't follow. With his siren wailing, he sped off. He was going to try to cut me off at the next road crossing!

I worked my way through some brush to get to the strip mall on the other side of the path. I ran behind the McDonald's and ducked behind the dumpster gasping for breath.

Two cruisers moved slowly up the road, their lights on. One of them made a slow loop around the McDonald's. In a gap between the buildings I saw another police car roll slowly down the next street. There were at least three of them looking for me now, and they were fanning out towards my neighborhood.

I stayed as far from the roadway as I could and went the other direction -- fast. I was now heading towards the far end of the park, away from my house.

I had on red nylon running shorts, a yellow Lakers' jersey, and one of my red baseball caps. I would stand out anywhere, but the park, full of other runners and cyclists, was better than the streets.

Just as I got ready to dash across the boulevard again, I saw them, one on each side of the road, and both moving towards me. I spun around looking for a tree or car to hide under.

Then I heard someone call me. I glanced back and saw Andy's maroon Toyota. Damn, I didn't want to deal with that now.

--------------------------------------------------------------
5: Confrontations

"I'm not going to jump you," Andy yelled. "Just get in."

He didn't need to go that far to be as annoying as all hell, but still I needed to get out of sight.

I was bent over and huffing hard as Andy smiled and said, "I had a vision of you last night. You had pink lips and big eyes and smelled like Tracy, and you kissed me."

"Were there pink elephants floating around my head too?" I said, still out of breath. "What are you doing up, anyway. Your head should feel like a balloon full of rocks."

"I couldn't tell my father I was hung over, could I? I've thrown fifty footballs through an old tire and run thirty forty-yard sprints, most of them sideways, this morning, Hailey. What have you done?"

He was at a stop light, and his hand was on my thigh; he spread his fingers apart, and the smallest one found its way under my shorts.

I grabbed the finger; it was as thick as my thumb and longer than my palm. I moved his hand back to his side of the car and said, "Run about four kilometers and then did an eight hundred meter steeplechase."

"That's a weird training program you've got. Jordan, are you really not gay?"

He was trying to surprise me with the sudden question. It worked, but I made an effort to not move, to neither shake nor nod my head.

Suddenly he put his hand on my shoulder and pushed me forward hard. "Tie your shoe!" he said.

As my head went below the dashboard, I saw the police car going through the intersection.

"How did you know they were looking for me?" I asked as I sat back up.

"I was in the drive-thru when you jumped into the dumpster. Why are they after you?"

I told him it was only behind the dumpster and asked him how much he remembered about last night.

"Everything, Jord. But especially your kiss, and the reason for it. I didn't really pass out, but when the girls started dressing you up I decided to watch. It was strange, pretending to be drunk for a cop, but it worked out. I don't think your disguise would have worked on me."

"What if we had just left you?"

"Nah. I know Tracy better than that. Actually this worked out better than anything else could have. And you did look good, babe."

I scowled at him, "That's not your type, I thought."

"Don't know. I might expand my interests, and I knew who you were. Are you really not gay?"

"Fuck you, Andy. Just fuck it. It wouldn't matter if I were or not. The only reason you can be around me is because I'm your girl friend's friend's friend. If the girls aren't close by, I can't be either. If that had been a linebacker or coach back at that intersection I'd have had to hide under the dashboard too. Image! And trying to get your pinkie on my winkie isn't going to change that."

This time Andy was the one to avoid any reaction. I went back to the important subject. "OK. So you know about the MacGuffin? This guy named Kipperman is saying that Blair and I took it. The cops arrested her this morning."

"Holy shit. Kipperman is a real asshole all right. I know guys that have worked for him. But if the cops are after you, Jord, you should just stay inside -- lay low."

"I've got to help Blair. And I've got to go get my bikes back; the cops have them."

Andy stayed quiet until the car pulled onto my street then he said, "I want to help you help Blair."

"Could you give me a ride to town center in about an hour? And not give me any shit. And keep your hands fucking off me. I'll try to be invisible."

"I'll try and do all that."

I went inside and soaked my head under the shower for a long, long time. The song, "I kissed a girl", kept running through my head, and it made me think of Tracy and of her kiss last night. When I was holding my breast on, waiting for the glue to set, I heard it again and remembered Blair's phone was still in the little pink pack that was sitting on the back of the toilet.

I couldn't get to it before it stopped ringing, but I pushed recall and Tracy answered at once.

Before I could say anything, she said, "About time sleepyhead. I've been calling and calling. Did you forget we have plans for today, lover?"

I said, "Tracy, it's not Blair. It's Jordan. I still have her phone."

"Oh, Jordan. Can you run over to her house and get her then."

"Tracy, the police got her this morning."

"What? Oh, God, oh God! We have to do something. What have you done so far? Make your father let her go!"

"It doesn't work like that. But I'm going to go down there and get the bikes and see what is going on."

"OK. Jordan, all right. Uh - call and tell me what happens. Bye."

Ah, the good old Tracy had returned.

I ran down the stairs once I was dressed, but this time my mother was in the kitchen. I told her I was meeting someone and needed to hurry. That worked just as well as expected -- not at all.

"Jordan," she said, "We need to go to the store today and get you some things for school next week."

"Mom, I'm going to be busy helping Blair. Remember, I'm a junior. You don't need to come with me to buy binders and crayons anymore."

"Don't be stupid, Jordan! You have a birthday in a week and there is something you have been begging for for years, and it requires me to sign a contract. I thought you would want it the first day of school and to be there to argue about how many extras it has."

"A phone!"

"Yes, and, Jordan, if you still want to get your ears pierced, we decided you can do that today too. But was that just for the costume convention you went too? I think that has kind of gone out of style for boys, hasn't it?"

"No. Some people still do. But there's a place that will put in keepers -- so you can change the studs while the holes heal -- that's where I want to get it done, and it's not at the mall."

"And mothers aren't welcome there. They still can't do it without my consent. Jordy, we will go to the mall, get the phone, and then I'll take you to that place, sign the papers and leave. After that you can do the things you need to do."

"I need to meet someone right now though, Mom. That all sounds great, but I really have to do this for Blair."

"What is it you plan to do to help Blair?"

"I'm just going to talk to some people, Mom. That's all, and they won't even know who I am. Really. I have to do something for her!"

She sighed in a way I've never seen anyone else sigh. "Jordan, don't take chances, but I appreciate your commitment to her. Let's meet somewhere in few hours then, OK? I only offer because I still like you in spite of spending sixteen years with you. I've forgotten exactly why though."

"Gosh, thanks Mom," I said.

How could I pull this off? I had planned to take off my hoodie and put on some makeup in Andy's car. But Mom's plan meant that I'd have to change back some how, somewhere. I couldn't see how it could be done; I couldn't see how I could get back into the house if she was waiting for me either.

Then Mom said, "And, Jord, don't worry about how you are dressed when I pick you up." She reached over and grabbed the lace edged collar of the pink top I had on under the black sweatshirt.

After a deep sigh, I said, "Mom, I'm just wearing that for Blair. It's just a disguise so I can find out what is going on."

"I see, Jordan. It is all right. I've only seen pictures of you on cross dressing day at your camp, and a glimpse of you getting out of that truck last night. I wouldn't mind seeing the real thing -- I think -- maybe -- I wouldn't mind."

"I don't think Dad would feel like that about it, even if he knew it was just a disguise."

"Jordan, I won't tell you he would be happy. I won't even promise he would never yell about it. I will promise he will never beat you because of it, or throw you out, or stop loving you because of anything like that."

There was an awful lot of potential drama that wasn't covered in that promise, and we both knew it.

I said, "It is just a disguise. That is all."

She said, "OK, Jordan, this is the real problem. He would not care what you are, as long as you are an honest and good person, except for one thing. Some men, and you father is one of them, get very attached to their Y genes. They think the X's get all mixed up and don't count, but the ones on the Y chromosomes always stay the same and give them immortality as long as their sons have sons who have sons forever. It is mostly the fear that you will choose to not have children that bothers him, Jordie."

"Geez-Us, Mom! Actually, it is only mitochondrial DNA that last forever, and that is all from the woman anyway."

"OK, get out of here. Now I've got to look on the internet to figure out what you just said, and it isn't about science, and you know that, Jordan."

"You're not gonna freak out if you see me looking like a girl? I really am just doing it to help Blair, you know. Promise."

"I never said that I wouldn't freak, but I'll do it all on the inside -- at least when we're in public. Let's say about two at the Starbucks near my office. Get me an iced grande skinny latte if I'm late. And please just don't get into trouble!"

I finally got out the door, and Andy was already out front. It was ten after ten, and Mr. Friend had said he would be at the police station until eleven.

Andy didn't reach over to pet me when I got into his car this time, but he had reached across to open the door for me.

I took off my hoodie that hadn't hidden anything from my mother. When Andy saw the pink top with shell sleeves and laced hems, he said, "Very pretty color, Jordan." Those were the first words he had spoken.

I was also wearing some tight straight leg jeans with embroidery around the pockets, and red and white thongs. I had a royal blue nylon back pack that I never used. It had my school's name, Northfield High, on it in yellow and was semi-uncool but could be used by girls in a pinch.

I took out the makeup and used the visor mirror to put on the lip gloss. I used a little blush to make it look like I had more cheek bones too. Andy kept turning his head way too often. Makeup in the morning was not common in my group, but I thought I needed the help.

I made him pull into an empty parking lot. I didn't think I could do my eyes when the car was moving.

As he watched me, Andy said, "You're real good at that. Do you do it a lot."

"I did tech for the school play last year and helped with make up. That and Halloween stuff."

"And?" Andy said.

"Cross dress day at summer camps. OK?"

"And??"

"Once at an Ani-con thing."

"And?"

I just stared at him that time. He said, "Blair said you went to that Anime thing as Sensei Yekosue. I thought that was why you had white hair."

"I went the second day with my sister as his female form. OK?"

"Wish I had seen those," he said with a huge grin.

"Andy, knock it off. You don't like girls. Remember?"

"Gawh, Jord, it would have so many advantages though. If it were full time. But -- I don't know. Might as well be straight if it is full time, huh?"

"Being straight has its advantages. And its disadvantages."

"Like what? I don't know of any."

I shrugged. "There are some."

"And how would you know?"

I didn't answer that.

When I put the makeup into the pack, Andy raised my arm up and shook his head. "You have shaved there! But you have a few wild hairs. There are some little scissors in a first aide kit in the glove box. Cut them, Jord."

"Can't. I have to change with the cross country team sometimes. It's not that much."

"Go ahead and do it, Jord. The cops might get suspicious of hairy pits and that top. Cross country types aren't going to go crazy about it; that's the reason they don't play football. You will look better."

Andy got out of the car at the town hall; that was a surprise.

"You're coming?" I asked.

"Yeah, a girl that looks like you wouldn't go anywhere alone. What name do you use."

"Hailey Jordan," I said.

He laughed. "Very clever. Let me hear your voice."

"I didn't really pick it, Andy. The cop and Tracy did, sort of," I was using my high pitched Bacall.

Andy smiled and took my hand. His hand was huge, and I noticed there was comfort to be had in holding onto something so strong.

Half, or more, of the people at the front desk of the station recognized Andy. He started to ask about Blair, but I jumped in and said I just needed to talk to Lieutenant Stern about my bicycles.

The talkative receptionist ignored me and answered Andy. She said that Blair had been released -- that was a relief -- but that she was to stay in her house or at school until the case was settled.

I pretended to know nothing and asked what case she meant. She talked on and on, but either did not know what information the cops had, or was cleaver about hiding it.

Eventually we got the directions to the Lieutenant's office. Her door said, "Director -- Juvenile Unit." Andy opened the door and we found ourselves right in her office.

"Damn it! Knock!" the detective barked at us. Mr Friend was standing behind her and looked startled.

I said, "Sorry, we thought there would be a waiting room, Ma'am. We're sorry."

"What do you want?" That time she was growling.

"You told me to come by this morning and talk to you about our bikes, Ma'am."

"I also told you to come with your parents. Not the quarterback."

"Yes, Ma'am. Andy gave me a ride. My mother and father both have to work today."

"And what do your parents do Ms Jordan -- on Saturday."

"They're both lawyers, Ma'am. They work every day of the week usually."

The cop sat up a little straighter. My parents had always told me to tell the police that they were attorneys right away. That was because I would have the right to see a lawyer even when I wouldn't have the right to see a parent. I always knew there would be other effects too without being told.

Mr Friend spoke up. "I don't think you need to keep - umm - Jordan, considering the information you have now, do you, Lieutenant."

"No. Go on and leave. I'm sure you have important things to do. Wait. Who were you and this Lu girl with last night, what boys?"

"Only Andy. He was the only boy we were with, Ma'am." Mr Friend almost laughed when I said that. I guess because I didn't include myself as one of the boys, but I assumed that she meant besides myself, or would have if she knew I was a boy.

"Did you see a boy wearing a red baseball cap?"

"No, Ma'am. I didn't see anyone wearing one." Well, there weren't any mirrors in the pavilion, and even that wouldn't have been actually seeing myself, right?

"All right, go."

I said, "My bikes?"

She started to write a note. "They are at the property warehouse on Sunset. Do you know where that is?"

Andy said no, and the Lieutenant put the address at the bottom of the note.

This was too damn easy! What was going on? Andy grabbed my hand and tried to pull me from the room, but I said, "Mr Friend, could I talk to you for a minute? Please."

In the hall I asked about Blair. All he would say is that the police now thought it was an inside job, but still believed Blair abetted it in some way.

I told him that she couldn't have because she was with me from the time we left the house until we got to the dance.

"Yes, Jordan. And they think a boy also helped. Do you know what that means? Listen, I need to talk to you at some length -- not about this, or your new look -- about your class schedule and the advanced classes you are taking. Will you be at the football scrimmage tonight? I'm sure Andy would like you to watch and would give you a ride home. You can do that, can't you, Andy?"

I had never even been to a game, and going to a scrimmage was for real die hard fans, but Andy wasn't even trying to hide the fact that he liked the idea, so I said I'd be there.

Mr. Friend said, "Good, good. Well you be dressed in this style tonight? You don't seem to be recognized in your new outfits."

I just shrugged, but I hoped I'd have the chance to change before I went to the high school stadium.

--------------------------------------------------------------
6: Respite, with Backstory

"Yes, this is Sunset Boulevard. It's about five o'clock in the morning... ' " I said as we turned onto the street with that name.

"Yeah," Andy said, "Oh, that's one of you movie things, huh? But this is Sunset Drive and it's almost noon."

It was a street of plumbing supply stores, self storage places, and body shops. The town government warehouse was a huge metal building between a spa/hot tub shop and a lot full of totaled cars. The only person at the warehouse was eating a sandwich and didn't bother to either help or hassle us.

The cars back seat folded down to pass through to the trunk, but the bikes barely fit. I made damn sure to look in the trunk first. I didn't want to get soaked again, but Andy's gun wasn't there.

I told him, and he said, "Huh! Looking for revenge, Hailey? You would have a long walk, or bike ride, if you did that, no matter how cute you are. My sister must have taken it. She won't leave my shit alone."

We got the bikes in with one sticking out and the lid tied down, but there wasn't enough room to put two large boxes back in. Andy said they were just the old bottles and newspapers to be taken to the recycling center.

"My mother makes us carry it around if we forget to put it out for the trucks. Just leave them by the building," he said.

"Hey, we can't just leave them sitting here."

He laughed at me and said, "Tree hugger too, huh. Our name isn't on any of it, and it won't be any problem for anyone, they recycle here too." He tossed the tags that had been tied to the bikes on top of the boxes and we left.

So now I had the bikes back. I had gotten Blair out of jail; well, she was out anyway, even if still under house arrest. I used Blair's phone and left new messages at her house and on Tracy's cell.

"Now we have to find some information about Kipperman -- find a way to prove he did it," I said.

"NOW we have to get lunch! I know a great burger place near here."

"Andy, we haven't gotten anywhere on this case, and I don't want to go places with lots of people, no matter what Mr Friend said."

"NOW we have to get Lunch, Jordan. I'll buy. You're not likely to be recognized at this place. We're in the Ferral High school district."

The place was called Big D's and looked like a dump from the outside, but the inside was mostly clean. It was twelve-thirty but the place wasn't crowded. Eight people sat at three tables. Three more sat on a bench waiting for to go orders, and a delivery guy was filling a thermos chest. Two waitresses in pink uniforms were out front, and two men in aprons and paper hats were working behind the pass-through counter.

The older waitress and the cook both knew Andy. I was starting to get used to that; still seventeen, and he was a local celebrity. Andy sat next to me in the booth and ordered two double burgers and a large onion rings. I had a "salad burger"; a pile of lettuce, grilled onions, mushrooms, tomatoes, and cheese on an open bun. We got malts because they were real malts.

"The day is shot," I said. "There is no way we're going to get anything on Kipperman. I have to meet my mother at three."

"Yeah, and I'm supposed to run drills with my father today before the scrimmage tonight. What are we going to do with the bikes, Jord? My sister is going to be using the car later."

I hadn't even thought about that. And the cops had destroyed my lock too. We decided to try to leave them at Tracy's garage on the way to my mom's office.

The football coach was running the practice scrimmage on a game day schedule, so the team would know what to expect when the real games started next week. It began with a team dinner at five thirty, and Andy wouldn't be available until ten or eleven.

"Take it easy," Andy said. "We will figure it out. We know it is Kipperman. Some of the ball players work for him sometimes. I'll see if they know anything tonight."

"Thanks, Andy, I know you don't care for Blair much, but I have to do something."

Andy put his arm around my shoulder, and I let him. I even leaned my head against his chest, I don't know, some how it seemed OK to do that now, and I was feeling very low about getting so little done for Blair.

"Lu is OK. I don't have anything against her," Andy said with shrug.

The waitress brought our food. "What's Tracy going to say when I tell her who you brought in here, Andy?"

"No, no! Don't tell on me, Maggie!" Andy said, laughing.

I moved Andy's arm and said, "We're just friends. Tracy's a good friend of mine too. Andy just gave me a ride, and she will be OK with that."

"Uh-huh," Maggie said and left.

I laughed and said, "Your neon sign in the closet is amazing, Andy. Everyone in town knows you, but nobody knows about you. Except that tons of people do know all about you. Must be nice."

"Yeah, well it helps that some people just won't see, but the people who know about me aren't the ones I spend most of my time with or the ones I want it to be a secret from."

"Yeah, but that's hard to pull off."

"Not so much, Jordan," he said. "High school's two worlds, maybe more, but they're in two groups. The geeks, dweebs, and queers; and the jocks and preps. 'Course most of the girl jocks are in the first group, but not all of them."

"Right, cheerleaders aren't ever queer. Look at Tracy. And neither or preps or jocks."

"Exactly. That is how it works." he said and smiled. "What one group knows doesn't get to the others much. There's also the stoners, and they actually talk to both groups, but no one listens to them. They don't even listen to each other."

"I never thought you were so analytical, Andy."

"Oh, football is an analytical game, you know. Got to read those defenses and all that. -- And then there are some other games I play."

Andy reached over and fingered my sleeve. I let him and smiled. I said, "OK, so you only let the socially inept know your secret. People like me, huh?"

"Some people in those groups are zoned, Jord. Some are just antisocial, or withdrawn. It amazes the jocks that anyone will put up with people like that. And the jocks figure you're a geek just because you're of the short persuasion."

I laughed and said, "Who persuaded me? Anyway, I'm not that short, almost twentieth percentile."

"Uh-huh. You're shorter than Lu by a couple of inches, and she's Japanese."

"She's half Chinese. My father had a huge growth spurt when he was seventeen, got him all the way to five nine. I still have hope, but my mother is short too. And that's a year away still anyway."

Now he laughed, amused by my ambition of reaching five nine I think. "You are about as far from socially inept as anyone I know, Jord. You just let all the crap roll off of you. Even my crap. I try to do that, but it all just eats at me."

Sitting next to Andy in the booth was like being in a hole. I had been sitting on my legs just to get high enough to look around him and see his face. When I finished eating I noticed that one leg had gone to sleep.

"Ouch," I said as I moved it, "my circulation should be better than that. That run this morning was not a good idea."

"Give me you leg," Andy said, "I've been massaged by real pros."

"OH!" I said. "You do have a wide range of experience!"

"Not that kind of pro! Trainers and college managers. Like that. While you go to geek camps and study physics and philosophy and how to cross dress every summer, I'm at football camps, learning the skills of my trade, and being watched by scouts."

"Ohhh," I said, mimicking admiration, but I put my legs into his lap and let him rub them. He did have a good touch.

"You really don't know, do you? Jord, I've gone to university camps since I was twelve; they are by invitation. I have my own page at ESPN dot com, and more on the scouting sites. I've already been offered scholarships to twelve schools, Jord. One offered my father a job. I ain't just a local big snot; I'm legit national hot shit."

Andy's father was an insurance salesman, but I knew he'd once been an assistant coach at a small college and was involved with the sports programs run by the town parks department.

"You're kidding? Real good schools too, huh?"

He laughed and said, "The best. Some that have been to bowl games ten years in a row, even some recent national champions."

Those wouldn't be any of the schools my parents would call 'good', but I wasn't in Andy's line of work. "So where are you going?" I asked.

"Not going to say yet. Hell, I have to be careful about what colors I wear these days." He nodded at his hand on the table, and I looked at it. It was laying palm up, his thumb against his two middle fingers and the index and little finger suck out. I guess that meant something that I was supposed to recognize. Andy said, "But it depends on who they sign this year. I don't want to be a backup for three years."

I hadn't known about that world, even my father wasn't that much of a sports fan.

He said, "My sister is pissed as hell, of course. She has a ton of basketball scholarship offers too, but thinks some of them are just to get me interested. Her scouting grades aren't as high as mine. Now she will only look at the schools that don't have good football programs, and that leaves out the last two women's champs."

"I didn't know she was that good either. You two must have picked some really good genes, huh. Not just height ones."

"And an asshole father too. I think we started training before I started school. We are his dream, Jord. Maybe if Cindy hadn't been so good, I wouldn't have worked so hard, and vice versa, and we could have been a family rather than a training camp."

My legs were still in Andy's lap, and his hand had just wandered up past my knee. I pushed it back down and said, "It's just my calf that's sore, Andy," but I leaned into his chest again almost getting into his lap. Andy's wasn't such a great life after all.

"But, Jord, I've seen guys that are lots, lots worse off. I actually do like my father and, if I get injured or wash out as a player, I'll still get to come home for thanksgiving dinner. I know people who probably wouldn't."

I stroked Andy's hand which was on my thigh again. He said, "Do you like boys more when you are dressed like that, Jord. I really could get used to it if you do. Do come to the practice in drag, then I could show you off. And you won't get made by the jocks. I promise, not with that hair. Most wouldn't know you from Adam without your baseball cap."

I shoved his hand away and sat up, but I couldn't help smiling.

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7: Combat

A loud voice said, "Lookie here! To what do we owe the honor of your presence on our side of town, Chekhov?"

Three giants, two much bigger than Andy, had come in. They were wearing Ferral High t-shirts, orange and black, with the sleeves cut off.

"Hey, Jojo, just getting lunch," Andy said.

"Heard you'll had some excitement last night. Gonna be a hard week for Northfud, losing the MacGuffin and the biggest game of the year."

Andy said, "Would be --- if that could happen." Both of them were smiling so far.

I said, "How did you know about the MacGuffin? They kept it out of the papers."

The Ferral player looked at me for the first time, and said, "I heard. I was doing some work for Red. He told me all about it." He sat down in our booth.

Andy put his arm around my shoulder again; I put both my hands on top of his and held his fingers. I didn't care for our visitor.

"So really, Andy, how you'll think you're gonna do?"

Andy said, "I think were going to do real well in a real good game, Jojo. You don't think I'm going to say something you can tack to your bulletin board, do you? Or do you want to hear our game plan?"

"Nah. We don't need it."

The two bigger goons had pulled chairs over to sit near our booth. One of them said, "Boy, Chekhov, she's even smaller than Tracy. You sure like them tiny don't you. Can't you handle a full sized woman?"

Andy just starred at him. His arm got a little tighter against my shoulder.

The biggest giant said, "Yeah, you must do it dog style, or you would squash her."

I felt myself blush; I really, really didn't want to.

Andy said, "Shut up, Pike! This isn't one of your Ferral girls. Show some class."

"Ohhh," all three of them said.

The mid-sized oaf said, "Maybe Andy just likes mouth jobs. But I don't think her mouth could even hold mine. I'd choke her."

The biggest one, Pike, said, "Andy must be really tiny where it matters. Huh, Chekhov?"

Andy slowly said, "I asked you to shut up in front of Hailey." He sat up very straight and stiff; I held his hand tightly to keep him from standing up.

Maggie came over and said, "I've had enough of this crud. Jojo. Get them out of my place. You're malts are on the counter. Drink them somewhere else and don't any of you come back here anytime soon."

After they picked up their drinks, the midsized goon said, "Maybe we will let you have the MacGuffin back after we cream your asses Friday."

Maggie said, "Your lunches are on the house, Andy. I'm sorry about that. They aren't bad boys, just assholes. But, Andy, stay away from here until after the game, OK?"

Andy said, "I will, and it's not your fault. We will pay for lunch."

Maggie refused the money, but Andy said, "If I take a free pen, my father blows a gasket, Maggie. He thinks the NCAA has spies watching, just trying to trap me in an infraction."

"Hell they might," she said and took the money, but she made us wait until the others had time to get far away before she would let us go.

Andy began eating everything I'd left on my plate that wasn't green. He told me that those three jerks were defensive players for the Wildcats, and that they had only been trying to make him get angry enough to play mad on Friday night. He said they were actually his friends most weeks, but I didn't buy that.

Jojo's a linebacker, one of Ferral's best players. The biggest one, Pike, is a defensive tackle, just a wall and not a very good one. The third one's named Hancock, a defensive end and fast for his size. Andy thought that if the Wildcats ever sacked him, that would be the guy that did it.

Blair's phone rang, and said the call was from 'home'.

"Blair! Where have you been?" I said.

"At home, sleeping. I just got up," she said.

"Blair, what happened? What are we going to do?"

"I'm going to meet Tracy and go to the mall. Then she wants to watch the scrimmage tonight. What are you doing? When can I get may phone back. And why did you take it, Jordan."

"Tracy brought it over to me last night. Remember? I didn't mean to, Blair. What happened with the cops?"

"They pounded on the door real early and then took me downtown. They asked me all about that white jacket, but I told them I had lost it. They made my mother look all over for it, and were going through all my stuff. Finally she said she wasn't doing any more until they got a warrant, and that was when they took me in.

"It wasn't a big deal though. We just sat in a room for about two hours; they asked me about thirty times what I'd done last night and made me look through a year book and point out everyone that was there last night. They wanted to know who was wearing a baseball cap, and I named about four boys. Then that lieutenant came in and said I could go. I came home and went back to bed. Hell if I know what is up, Jordan. I don't think any of them have a clue either. Now, when can I get my phone?"

"They've decided it was an inside job. But, Blair, they still think we helped with it. I think some of the Ferral kids must have been in on it. We need to nail Kipperman somehow. And fast. How can you just be going to hang at the mall, Blair? And one cop said you were under house arrest or something too."

"They didn't tell me or my mom about it, if I am. Anyway, they can't do that. That would take a judge, right?"

"Yeah, but isn't your mother steamed?"

"Only with the cops. And with your father. And about me not having my phone."

"Well, he can't really get into it; you know that, Blair. Don't you? We have to talk to this guy, Kipperman."

"Don't worry about it, Jordan. It will work out. I got to go, Tracy is on her way to pick me up. The phone, Jordan?"

"Andy and I are going to leave the bikes at the garage for awhile. I'll leave the phone there too. OK? We need to get to this Kipperman, Blair!"

"Good. Just calm down about Kipperman, already. He has a truck at the garage and is going to pick it up at closing time. Five-thirty. Tracy and I are going to talk to him then. If you really want to, you can watch, I guess."

Watch?!! "I want to do a lot more than watch. Of course I'll be there."

"OK, guess I'll see then. Bye."

Blair was still pissed at me. I still didn't know why. I closed the phone and sighed. Andy put his hand on my shoulder and said, "What's up?"

I just shook my head and said, "They've set up a meeting with Kipperman for five. At least they have gotten something done today."

"So have you, Jord. You got the bikes. Found out it was an inside job."

"I think those three 'friends' of yours know something, Andy."

"Could be. Kipperman might have used them for stooges. They fit the part. They should be gone by now; let's go."

Andy put his hand on my shoulder as we left the restaurant. That would look right, so I let him.

The three Ferral oafs hadn't left, however. They had cut the ropes on Andy's trunk and the biggest one was on my sister's bicycle, riding in circles around the parking lot. He was so big he made the tires look flat.

"Get the fuck off that!" I yelled. Andy clutched my shoulder, and I shook his hand off.

"Or what?" the fat boy said.

I grabbed the handle bars and said, "Off! Before you crush it, jerk."

"Hailey, wait!" Andy screamed.

"Fuck you!" the guy on the bike yelled. He put his foot out and pushed me away with it.

I didn't need this. Not today. Not right then.

I took a step back, jumped, and did a crane kick right into his giant gut.

He groaned and let the bike fall. He lunged for me, and I tried to knock his foot out from under him. All I managed to do was kick his shin as I slipped past him.

He turned around and took a swing at me. I love it when people throw punches like they are throwing baseballs. As the fist went over my head, my leg was in front of the knee holding all his weight, and I pushed on his back. He fell fast and hard, and didn't know how to do that. When he got up, his hands were bloody where the asphalt and gravel had bit into them.

I sensed the second guy, the end, behind me. I turned, and he had both arms out trying to get me in a bear hug. I ducked, but he was faster than I'd expected, and he caught my head in a half nelson.

Andy ran over and knocked him off me.

Jojo yelled, "Stop! It was just a damn joke!"

"And so was steeling the MacGuffin, huh?" I yelled.

The largest Ferral boy charged Andy with his arms wrapped across his chest. He pushed with his forearms just as he reached Andy, and Andy was knocked to the ground on his back.

Jojo hollered, "Hancock, Pike. Back off!"

I did a flying leap and both my feet landed on Pike's back, somewhere near his kidneys. He fell, but he fell on top of Andy.

The other one came over, and I hit him with a round house kick to the stomach, but it didn't knock the breath out of him some how.

I had never done this stuff for real before, or this hard. I didn't really want to seriously injure them, and that thought distracted me. Jojo came up behind me, took a kick to his ribs but grabbed my foot and threw me over.

The fat guy was kneeling over Andy and pulled his arm back to slug Andy in the face while he was down. Jojo grabbed his arm and said, "Get in the damn truck, Pike."

Pike said, "The hell!" and swung his foot at Andy's stomach. Andy pulled his leg up and took the kick with his thigh. I ran over and gave Pike a two handed jab between his shoulder blades.

He screamed and swung both arms around. He almost hit me, but I jumped back -- and landed in Jojo's grasp.

Pike growled. He yelled, "Fucking assholes!" He raised his leg high and brought it down hard onto Andy's right hand.

I swear I heard the bones smash.

Jojo threw me to the ground and yelled, "In the damn truck, Fuckups! Run!"

Pike and the other lineman climbed into the bed of a red pickup with oversized wheels. Jojo got in the front and peeled out of the parking lot. As the tires screeched through the turn onto the street, Pike yelled, "The MacGuffin. Your star quarterback The district championship. There ain't nothing you Northfucks have we can't take!"

I ran and sat beside Andy. I took his head into my lap and stroked his cheek. He must have been in shock; he was laughing. His hand was a mangled black, blue and red mass.

The Missing MacGuffin (3) - Some More Chapters

Author:

Jan S

Audience Rating:

Mature Subjects (pg15)

Publication:

7,500 < Novelette < 17,500 words

Genre:

Character Age:

Teenage or High School

TG Themes:

Other Keywords:

no sex

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

With one ally down, Jordan must continue the search for clues alone.
Is Jordan getting closer to the MacGuffin, or is trouble closing in on Jordan?

The Case of
The Missing MacGuffin
A Jordan Hailey Story
By Jan S
Some More Chapters

Posted only through the efforts of my friends and beta readers, Daphne and Kristina, and because of the good well of readers like you. Many, many thanks to all of you!

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8: Reset

Like a matador following the death of the bull, I stood, alone, on the blood stained gravel. The sunlight poured down on me; the smell of destruction was in my nostrils. The silent, gaping crowd that had come from the diner at the end of the fight surrounded me, and I watched the lights of the car taking Andy's mangled body to the hospital recede into the distance.

The waitress approached me and said, "Are you OK, honey? Are you hurt anywhere?"

I had to examine my own arms and hands -- consciously inventory my body -- to be sure that I was unhurt. I had no bruises or cuts. That seemed an injustice. I don't know if that was because I felt I deserved some, or because it was so unfair that only Andy was to suffer.

I shook my head, and Maggie put her arms around me and pulled the rip in the side of my top closed. "That'd get real embarrassing if you had gone to the hospital, hon." she said.

"Ohhh, did those assholes see it?" I whispered to her, and I tried to hold the seam shut. The rip was huge.

Maggie laughed. "Nope. They would have said something, and it would have been real loud. You were just moving way too fast, honey. Come on; you get cleaned up, and I'll have my brother bring some of his daughter's clothes over and then give you a ride home."

There were lockers for the waitresses in a room behind the ladies', and she left me with some cotton balls and makeup remover. Standing beside the door, she said, "I'm real happy that Andy has found someone like you, hon."

"We're just friends; he is serious about Tracy."

"Sure, sure, I'll remember that if that's how you want it."

I got the makeup off. My face had been a total mess but, when I started to redo it, I had to stop and sit down first, and think.

Andy's whole career was ruined. I knew it. How could someone throw a football ever again once their hand had been crushed?

All I knew about the MacGuffin was that it was missing. At least now I knew those Ferral creeps were in on it with Kipperman. But I didn't know how I was going to get any information from them.

Blair was free, but was still under suspicion. So was I. They had my description; knew about my hats, someone would eventually tell the cops I often wore red caps; they would have my name soon if they didn't already.

And I didn't know what step to take next.

Maggie came back in carrying a stack of clothes. She put them on the bench, sat down and put her arms around me.

"It's OK, hon," she said. "That was scary. Let it out."

"No," I said shaking my head. That wasn't what I needed to do at all.

I asked her what would happen to Andy now that he could never play football again, and she said, "We don't know for sure, Hon, but he sure might play real soon. Just don't worry 'bout it, and we'll all see. That's all we can do. Things like that always look horrible at first, and he is a tough and strong boy."

She told me that he broke a wrist last year and finished the game. I couldn't believe that, and this had to be different, worse, anyway.

I mentioned the MacGuffin, and she had heard about it last night from the late crowd. I told her the cops suspected a girl and a boy I knew of being involved, and that the Ferral players talked like they knew something, and that I need to find out what the cops thought now.

She said that her brother might be able to tell me something. And then we looked through the clothes he had brought.

Maggie's brother must have grabbed everything in two or three drawers or something, but her niece was even shorter than me. The shorts and jeans wouldn't work at all. I had on a pair of my sister's old panties that held things pretty well, but anything tighter than what I had on would have shown things I didn't want showing.

I looked through the tops. Most were chemises or tees that would be very tight, so I picked up a swing dress.

Maggie said. "That isn't going to fit you. Try on these shorts."

"I was going to wear it just as a top, and keep my jeans on. I think that would work."

"You should see the back of your pants, hon. They're filthy with oil and grease all over."

I looked at my back in the mirror and she was right; I couldn't wear these jeans. But I also couldn't wear any of her niece's shorts.

There was really only one option: a twirl skirt, teal with plaid trim. It must have been long on Maggie's niece, but would still be short on me. And it isn't like I had the hips to make me want to push it down very far.

There was one shirred square-necked top that flared and wouldn't be too tight. It was bright yellow with a thin green ivy print, but it would have to do. The print was light enough not to clash with the teal too badly.

Maggie didn't look like she would leave while I changed, but I faced the corner and, except for my undersized backside, I don't think she saw anything unusual about me.

The top reached my navel - if I kept my arms straight down. There were about three inches between its bottom and the skirt's top even then. I looked in the mirror and moved my hands over the place where some curves should have been. This was worse than the outfit I'd worn last night, and much worse than the embroidered jeans and a pink top that had reached my waist.

Maggie said, "OK. stop admiring your skinny body, and get busy. Your legs could use a shave, but they are very pretty. You should take care of them and show them off more."

I smiled because I knew she expected me to. "I don't think about it at the right times." My legs did have some stubble, but I had shaved them at camp too, and what little hair I had was light anyway. "Do they look that bad?"

"I've seen much worse around this place, but it'd sure make you feel better, hon." she said.

She looked through several lockers and turned around with a bottle of Nair. "Put this on your legs while you do your makeup. That should be long enough. Use those kitchen rags over there to wipe it off. Doesn't look like you need to go much past your knees.

"I got to get out front. Lloyd will be getting all antsy, and the cook and the girls will be getting POed. This is my place, but that just means I get the worst hours and have more bosses than anyone else. I'll talk to Lloyd about the MacGuffin while you finish up."

She didn't give me a chance to object, and I worried that if I went into the diner without using the goo, she might ask me about it in front of the whole room.

I could say I had been on a swim team, but that would be a lie, something I didn't like to do. I could start running in sweat pants all the time. And Andy was right, if anyone on the cross country team did notice my legs, they would never admit it. Also, a girl with hairy legs got more looks than a boy without any anyway. No one really looked at boys, at least not short geeky ones.

When I walked back into the cafe, there were more customers than before, and Maggie was waiting on a table. There was a policeman in the booth near the back cursing at his laptop, and he looked up and said, "There you are. About time, and I thought I told you to keep Andy out of trouble last night."

It took me a second to recognize him, but it was Officer Benwell who had help us with Andy. I said hello, and asked if he was Maggie's brother. He said he was and told me to sit down.

Maggie was going towards the kitchen and said, "Don't give her a hard time, Lloyd. She tried to protect Andy. You should have seen her fighting off that pack of goons."

I said, "Thank you for the clothes."

"Sure thing. Hailey, right? Maggie told me about those Ferral boys but if Andy won't press charges, there ain't much I can do. Officially."

He said that in a way that made it clear there were some unofficial things that might be done.

"Is that a Makina?" I asked, looking at the computer that was giving him trouble

"Yeah, piece of junk if you ask me. You know about computers?"

"A little," I said.

I wasn't one of the top techies at my school, but sometimes I could understand what they were talking about. Makina was a new company, and their computers ran a new platform called the DayOS-X. It was sometimes quirky, but sometimes it would deliver fantastic results. A DayOS-X Makina had been high on my birthday wish list, but a phone was good too, and I had no hopes of getting both.

The cop said, "Well, the town's givin' us all one of these things to use in the cruisers. Maggie said you were worried about what was goin' on with the MacGuffin, and I've been off so I haven't heard the news, but it might be in here somewhere, and I can't get the darn thing to work. Want to try?"

"Sure," I said. Something told me there was probably a regulation somewhere against me using the cop database. But when I asked the officer to type in the password, he asked me today's date and he told me the password. Then he added, 'I guess I can tell you. It changes every day and you would have to have one of our computers anyway."

It was today's date, month - day - year, with seven added to each part, and the zip code for the town center typed with the shift key held down.

I opened the local network and did a search for the MacGuffin. I got to the report but acted like I was still searching while I read it. All the phone lines from the clubhouse went dead at six forty-three, before Blair and I had reached the park. That had killed all the silent alarms, but after fifteen minutes without service a policeman had been sent to check on the wires, and he had met Kipperman and noticed the broken window

This morning glass from the window was found inside the MacGuffin's case. So the police knew that someone on the inside was involved, and the window was broken after the MacGuffin was taken. In spite of that, they still thought high school students had been involved. Blair was under suspicion because she was known to own, and wear, a white sports coat (the only one in town??). That had been reported by an anonymous informant identified only as a friend from Northfield High School.

They were still looking for the boy she had lent it to and, also, a boy that wore black shirts and a red baseball cap, me. Blair was restricted to her house and school, even if she didn't know it, and was supposed to be "observed and companions noted" by all officers. That was strange: was she under house arrest or to be watched?

Mr Benwell took the computer. He had just told me that the police still thought students were involved when Maggie came over and sat with us while she waited for an order from the kitchen.

She said, "Lloyd, you found out where Hailey lives yet?"

"Oh," I said, "I not going home. I'm supposed to be meeting my mother right now. Could you give me a ride to the town center instead? It's closer than my house anyway."

Maggie was surprised. "You're meeting you mom!? Right now?"

"Yeah, I'd like to go home, I guess, but we already had plans."

"You must have a great mom," she said. "What are you'll planning this afternoon?"

It was strange having a stranger so interested and worried about me, but nice. I couldn't help smiling. "It's my birthday next week, and she's finally going to get me a phone. Then she's going to drop me off to get my ears pierced today too."

Maggie wanted all the details, and we talked about it until Lloyd said he had to go.

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9: Vouchers

It was well after two when I got to the Starbuck's to meet Mom. She was sitting on a bench along the back wall, and ordinarily she would have just started to steam, but when she saw me her eyes and mouth flew open.

She was the first person who really let me talk about Andy and his hand. I had finished telling her of it before she did anything but stare at me. Then she wrapped me in a hug, something we didn't usually do in public.

Once we were in the car, however, she started the interrogation about my clothes. I had to explain about borrowing them. I explained about getting the breast forms on line and why my legs were hairless. I had to explain about learning to do makeup while working on the school play and listen while she gave me advice that I'll probably never need again. She didn't make any responses really; she only found new lines of inquiry within each of my explanations.

When we were walking to the mall from the car, she took my hand and, as we walked through the door, she said, "That's the first time we have held hands in over four years, and for two years before that you always looked like mine was covered in slime when we did."

I leaned into her side. I started to try to explain about that, but she interrupted and said, "I know, Jor. It wasn't me. It was what you thought other people would think."

She didn't seem to be in a horrible mood at all, just sort of confused, so I said, "Mom, do you think we could look for a bag while I'm here. Something I could use at school -- on normal days -- too."

"You got a new back pack in April. You can still use that, I'm sure, but we'll get you a purse, and you can give me the gift card Sammie will send you next week."

I grimaced. Sammie, a.k.a. Samantha Hailey, is my big sister, the smart one in my family, currently a brand new freshman at an east coast university (the kind that doesn't recruit people like Andy), and the pride and joy of both my parents. However, if any of the stories I've heard are half true, she isn't half as bad as big sisters can be. I didn't want to surrender her whole present for one dumb bag.

There was also something else, and this seemed like a good time to bring it up too. "Uh -- I sort of lost my shoes. See -- they got wet -- Andy was using this squirt gun. And I took them off, and when I went back they weren't where I took them off. I was planning to use Sammie's gift card for some new ones." Well, no clause in that was untrue.

She said, "New tennis shoes will take your grandmother's gift card, Jordan."

"Na-uh, only half!" It was my sixteenth birthday; I had big expectations.

Mom laughed at me. "Alright, we will get you some sort of messenger bag and new shoes in exchange for the card from Grandmom, and you can keep the one from Sammie."

This time I gave her a hug. Then I said, "Grandmom's gift card will be even bigger than that, won't it? And we're still going to go get my ears pierced though, right?"

She chuckled, a good sign. "Yes, yes, I promised, and I guess we will work out payment after you get the cards, and your other relatives will probably give you gift cards, Jordan; everyone knows the one thing you ever want.

"Uncle Greg and Aunt Diane will send me two too, right?" That was an old family joke. My Mom's twin brother married my father's cousin, Diane, after they met at my parent's wedding. They always sent my sister and me two sets of presents, since they were related in two ways. Though I knew now they were the same amount as one would have been, it was a big deal when Sammie and I were kids.

First I got my new Phone. It was a refurb, but with a qwerty keyboard and camera, and it could do videos. It's white - though the guy tried to force me to get pink or teal.

I got some shoes from Lady Foot Locker that were silver-grey with royal blue soles and trim. They would work when I wasn't in costume too.

Mom became quieter and quieter as we walked through the mall. But she still wasn't angry, not huffing, nor sighing, nor biting her lip. She was just very disquietingly pensive, and she kept holding my hand most of the time.

I found a light blue bag with red leather-like trim and lots of pockets at Macy's. It looked like a small camera bag so I could use it for school and not draw too much crap. (Even using the wrong pen draws some.)

While I was looking at the bags, there were two boys pretending to look at belts but who were really watching me. I had seen them standing outside the shoe store too.

My mother told me to stop tugging at my shirt, because I kept trying to stretch it out, make it longer, so I asked her if I could buy a new top.

That was when she did bite her lip. Then she sighed that way only she ever does, and that she only ever does when talking to me. "No! No! Shoes and purses are all I can handle," she said.

"You're totally freaked, huh?"

She nodded, then shrugged her shoulders.

It wasn't until the car was out of the parking lot that either of us said anything else, and then she said, "Jordan, I know that it is just because you want to be in disguise today, and because you didn't have many choices after that fight, but I don't ever want to see you in clothes like that again.

"The next time your skirt had better be at least three inches longer than that one. I would have grounded your sister for wearing something like that."

I laughed hard and said, "Mom, I'm only doing this to find out things about last night and to help Blair. And that's why I wanted to get something else."

"You said a top. It's the skirt that's almost indecent."

I looked at my legs; she wasn't totally wrong. "Those two boys kept staring at me, Mom! I don't exactly have a shape to show off in a crop top. I think they knew I wasn't a girl."

Now she laughed. "That's what worried you? Jor-Jor, most girls don't have Barbie's curves. Lot's of girls as skinny as you are would show off their stomachs, love. And if I were a boy I'd have stared too."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. You aren't going to get many modeling jobs but, if that isn't your goal, you look fine."

"My only goal is to help Blair, Mom."

She did her patented sigh thing again. "Jordan, I know. You've told me that. And I know that is the reason you are out and about like this, but I don't know how you feel about it, and I don't think you would tell me if you could."

"I'm just doing it for Blair. Really, truly, honest. I'm not lying."

"I know that, puppy. I do. I know you don't out and out lie, or at least only very, very rarely and never without feeling real, real guilty about it later. You do, however, obfuscate and equivocate. And, let's see, you deliberately mislead people; you change the subject without telling anyone. You might leave out important elements, and then you don't bother to correct the misconceptions you've created. . ."

"OK. I get the idea. You know, both my parents are lawyers."

"No. They don't teach those skills in law school. Law schools teach you how to write agreements and ask questions that make it hard to do things like that. Then, after law school, some lawyers become experts at circumventing other people's language. But they don't require the avoidance skills on the exams.

"Jor, I think equivocating is something teenagers develop naturally, but you have a special talent for it. And that is why I'm not going to ask you about it at all. Talk to me when you want to, if you ever do."

"I really am only doing this today for Blair and to get the MacGuffin back."

"Just stop, sweetie. Don't explain anymore."

So no matter what I said, she wasn't going to believe that I didn't wear girl's clothes all the time, and nothing was going to convince her I didn't like doing it.

We had to park about two blocks from Hotz'n, the store where I was going to get my ears pierced. I changed into my new shoes and plugged my new phone in to charge before I got out.

Mom held my hand again as we walked up the street; I was getting used to that. But then she huffed loudly and said, "If this store has them, I want you to buy some capris or bike shorts to wear under that skirt. Something long enough to make it clear you don't think wearing that is being dressed."

"OK." I kind of moaned. "I don't think they have anything here, but I'll probably go to the mall for dinner with Blair and Tracy. Can I get a new top too? Do I have to pay for them with my money?"

She chuckled rather than sighed; that was a good sign. "You really have me between a rock and another rock, don't you? If I pay for them, I'm enabling something I don't want to, but I don't like to make you pay for something you will say you won't use again. And stop worrying about your navel and worry about your crotch, boy. -- Ugh, I hope no one heard me say that."

There was almost no one on the street, so I giggled at that a little. I took her to mean she would pay for the new things and leaned my head onto her arm. "It's just because of the MacGuffin and Andy and Blair, Mom."

"Just shut up, Jordan. I don't want to hear all that again."

She warned me that my father would be home this afternoon, but told me that they were going out about seven. I knew she meant I shouldn't come home before then; I was stuck in these clothes at least that long. But she agreed to unlock my window if she and dad got home tonight before I did. Mom even said I could use my emergency credit card for dinner and anything I needed tonight.

She was being really compliant, but I wasn't sure if that was because she was worried, or just liked me dressed like this, or was being nice in the way the guards on death row are nice to the condemned.

The store was dimly lit, most of the light coming from spot lights on the displays. The only clerk had on lots of black eye shadow, half inch silver buttons and two other studs in each ear, very bright red lips and finger nails, and wore a solid black plain tee shirt but with the collar pulled down to mid-chest and held in place with a gaudy rhinestone broach.

Blair had told me they carry gaffs and things for cross dressers here, but I had always known of it as a t-shirt/goth-wannabe/costume shop. The things Blair was talking about must be kept in a back room or something.

While she filled out the permission papers for the piercings, I walked around and looked for something to hide my bleached hair since the cops were looking for a boy with white hair now. Also, it would be good to find a way to make Hailey Jordan look different from Jordan Hailey if I was going to have to appear as a girl a lot. That meant I needed temporary dyes. The spray on colors are awful, they come off on clothes and everything else and don't last long enough to even trick-or-treat, but rinses wouldn't have enough color, so I picked up a can of the yellow spray on stuff.

As I looked at the costume thing, thought about the police report and how it didn't name the person who reported that Blair wore a white jacket last night. And the person who reported that hadn't given my name as the boy with white hair. That was an important clue. Who had recognized Blair and not known me? Kipperman had not said anything at all about the white hair.

Also why were the police supposed to observe Blair and her associates, if she was under house arrest? It was just screwy.

I should have looked deeper when I had the Makina open. Another mistake.

Mom wanted to wait for me, but I knew I was going to take a lot longer than she expected and that she still had to go back to her office, so I assured her I'd be fine. There is a free shopper's shuttle that would take me almost right to Tracy's.

I got into the barber chair that was used for piercing. The clerk put the keepers in both ears before saying a word to me, and then said, "Here's what we have for the trainers for bellybuttons. Can't do keepers there. So you're stuck with one of these things for six weeks."

I said, "Huh. I'm not getting that done too."

"Your mother checked the box for it on the form. I didn't even ask her first. You want it done?"

I guess Mom was telling me my stomach, and my dressing, was OK. I picked a red glass bead for my navel, and I got some silver disks and some pink and blue zirconium flowers with dangling green beads for my lobes.

While I was leaning back to get the navel done, the clerk said, "You mother is pretty neat, huh?"

"Yeah, sometimes, whatever."

"Mine wouldn't let me go out like that at all."

I explained the clothing emergency, and the clerk laughed.

"Not just that! My mother sees me in a sarong and goes totally ape. Look, there are things I notice that most people wouldn't, you know. You're good, but I did get suspicious. I guess tilting this chair back is unfair; I'm not a lecher but I had to check.

And, well, I didn't mention it to embarrass you, you know? It's just that - well I don't try to pass all the time - but you might not want to bring it up, and maybe I could sometimes - help you or something."

I almost swallowed my tongue, but it wasn't a disaster with this person. I said, "Yeah, well, like I said, I didn't have much choice today. Are you Terry?"

"No, he's at lunch. Everyone calls me Quinn or just "Q", and I already know you're Jordan, right? Is that the name you like to go by?"

It's OK, or Hailey. Whichever you like."

"So how long have you been dressing?"

"Huh? Oh, like a girl. Umm, I've done cross dress days at camp and went to an anime thing once, you know, like that."

"Come on! What else? You don't have to pass for those things, and I don't care how fem you are usually, you've had practice."

"Last year I went Christmas shopping with my sister, wearing her stuff."

"OK. All right. Did she blackmail ya'? Or just threaten to beat you up? Or what?"

I chuckled. "No. Nothing like that. We just thought it would be some Lolz."

"Good. No excuses. Who told you to talk to Terry, Hailey?"

"Do you know a girl named Blair?"

"I know a few Blairs."

"Blair Lu."

"Lou Blair. Yeah, I know him."

My eye brows must have shot up. The clerk said, "Him. Her. Around here pronouns get problematic."

"'K. She told me to talk to Terry about some things I could use sometimes. What pronouns do you like people to use for you, Q?"

"Me? Don't care. It's fun to see what people pick, and to watch the ones that have trouble. If you ever meet Terry though, use male ones. He thinks it's a big compliment when people do.

"You can talk to me about those things you need if you want. You shaved down there?"

I shook my head, and he said, "Well you're gonna have to someday. I'm going to give you some of these new patches. It's a two part system. They're great, because you just slap them down, and they grab things. And you can pull off the top part if things get hard. You can't go naked, but short of that they are the best. And I'll get a gaff for now. Do you know how to use them?"

I had read some instructions on line and had a pretty good idea. It didn't seem difficult.

When I got back from the dressing room, I had to lift the skirt up, and Q said, "OK, you got that right. But I'm not selling you that spray on hair crap. Really, there's this new, fantastic stuff. And I'm not just being a salesman. 'Cause, look at me! I'd suck at it. But if it wasn't real, and showed up in a story, you would say it was proof of the existence of an author."

The hair dye was called Dev-Ice and was made by a theatrical make up company, PlaHot. It was just what I needed. It works even on black hair. It doesn't come off even when wet but, when washed with a special shampoo, it disappears completely.

Q showed me how to apply it. It combed into the hair with a special brush. We did my whole head; I left the store with my white hair hidden under pink and blue neon streaks. I got six shades of the stuff and three bottles of the remover. It all fit into my new bag, but it all weighed half a ton.

I also had a blue French manicure on half inch nails that I could peel off and reused, a new ring with two little silver bells on it, a set of pink and a set of red nails like the ones I was wearing, a bracelet that looked like a tiny silver and green ivy vine on my ankle, and some new sunglasses with red lens that could be taken out and replaced with green, blue, or clear ones.

I also bought a new t-shirt, for boy mode, because Quinn had rung up some of the other purchases as shirts, and my father might ask to see them. I had used up all my birthday cash and was going to need a giant finder's fee for this case. And I was going to need it before the credit card bill reached my house.

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10: Motion

It was a three block walk to the bus stop for the Shopper's Shuttle. As soon as I left the shop, this boy on a bicycle, about fourteen or so, started following me. After riding by and coming back a few times, he found the guts to offer to carry my bag and even offered me a ride on his handle bars.

It was flattering - he sure hadn't read me - and funny - at first.

"I'm Bobby. Where you going?" he asked.

"Just to see a friend."

"So you gonna be a freshman at Northfield?"

I laughed and said, "Why doesn't anyone ever think of Southlake?"

"Cuz they suck."

I just kept walking, so he said, "No. It's 'K, just lots of nerds there though."

Southlake High was right next to the University campus. I don't know if that just caused their reputation or really did affect their students.

"Yep, that's me. Huge nerd."

"I haven't seen many nerds as cute as you."

I rolled my eyes. "So what sports do you play?"

"Why do you think I'm a jock?"

"Because you're trying to pick me up while I'm just walking along minding my own business."

"Yeah, OK. I play football, but I'm only on the Junior Varsity though. We've got lots of linebackers this year, so I have to wait to be an upper classman, even though I'm better."

"Uh-uh."

"So you hate jocks, huh."

"No! Some are really nice. Lots are real assholes that always hit on strange girls though."

"I'm not. It's just this is a bad area. I thought you would want some company, is all."

"OK, well here's my bus stop. See you."

"I can wait for your bus with you. Look, my brother is around here with his car, want me to call him and get you a ride."

"No. I'll be just fine, thank you."

"I'll wait with you. It's a public bus stop, so I can stay. Look there he is. You want to come for a ride?"

There was a dirty burgundy Subaru driving slowly up the street with two older boys in it. Bobby waved to them.

"I don't think so." At least the car kept moving, but I was getting worried. The car being there right then was too much of a coincidence.

"Well, do you want to go to movie or get a burger sometime? What's your number? I'll call you sometime." Bobby wasn't going to give up; typical jock jerk.

"You would have to meet my father first. And, believe me he wouldn't be happy about it."

"Yuck. Is he really that strict? He's gotta meet everyone you go get a burger with."

"No, that's a special rule I made just for you."

"Ohh - you are so cruel. I'm really really nice. Really."

The Subaru was coming up the street again, and this time it pulled over to the curb. Bobby rolled his bike towards it and the boys in it opened their doors. The boy's looked familiar, but I couldn't place them.

I saw a bus on the other side of the street. The shuttle made a loop of the shopping district, and that one would take almost twice as long to get to Tracy's garage, but I ran across the middle of the street to catch it.

I almost fell into a seat at the front of the bus. I needed to get some new clothes soon! Even if that did mean my mother was right. And there was an Old Navy right on the bus route, but I also knew that Blair was going to be getting steamed as hell about her phone.

Her phone! I was so use to always being out of touch I had forgotten that I could call her. I didn't want to invade her privacy and look though her directory though, so I took a chance and hit the 'T' key.

"Is this Chuck?" the voice, that did sound like Tracy, said.

"Tracy? No -- do I have the right number?"

I heard what could only be Tracy's giggle on the phone. "Yes, Jordie, it's me. We heard about your Chuck Norris routine. The whole Ferral team at one time, huh?"

"It wasn't like that, Tracy. How did you hear about it? Is Blair there?" I needed to talk to someone sane.

"Yeah, and Andy has called about twelve times looking for you. He wants to be sure we get you to the scrimmage tonight. Jorie, I think it's love."

"Isn't he in the hospital? Just let me talk to Blair."

"Na-uh. They let him go, and he really wants to see you tonight. Uh - Blair doesn't want to talk to you, Jor. She wants her phone though. Where are you?"

"I'm on the bus on my way there. What is she so pissed about?"

"Well you running off with her phone, and we saw you and your mom at the mall and, I guess, she thought you should have brought it to her before you went out shopping, and strutting your stuff in those clothes, guy. Anyway she didn't want to talk to you there, just got weird about it. I thought you looked hot as heck, Jor. Are you still dressed like that, babe?"

Sigh "I'll be at your garage in about twenty minutes. Is that where you are? We're still talking to Kipperman when he comes to get his truck, right?"

"Yeah, I'm here. I have to wait 'til the office closes, so all the men can watch some pre-season football game but, Jor, Kipperman doesn't come to get his own trucks. He'll send some worker to get it."

shit - shit - shit

Just then two girls moved up from the back of the bus and sat right behind me. It was Lori Peters and Sydney Greenway, the two girls we had run into at the park last night. Things just kept going downhill faster and faster.

"Shiii - Well," I said into the phone, "I'll see you in a few."

"OK, wait" Tracy said, "You should call Andy, and tell him what you're doing. He won't be at practice yet."

I could hear her talking to Blair, then she said, "Andy is pound sign 2 on Blair's phone. Call him; don't break his heart, Jor."

"OK," I whisered, "I have some idiots listening right now though. Bye."

Before I'd pushed the button to end the call, Sydney said, "You're that girl that was with Blair last night, huh?"

I didn't answer and, unperturbed, she took that as an admission. "It's OK with us if you're like that. We were just saying is all."

I still said nothing.

Lori said, "I guess, you know the school didn't get blown up by now, huh?" then she snickered about it.

"Yeah, never really thought it had. You heard any more rumors yet?"

She snickered. "We knew last night. Someone took the MacGuffin."

Sydney said, "Guess everyone knows by now. So we can tell you."

I think Lori was still wearing the same clothes she had on last night. Sydney had at least changed her shirt, and now had on a tight fitting black knit one that reminded me that I left my shirt in Andy's car.

"Oh. Where did you hear that one?"

Lori snickered some more. "Oh, we know it."

"We've got inside information," Sydney said with some kind of a smirk on her face.

"OK, whatever." Like I was going to believe anything they had to say. "I need to call someone. Guess I'll see you around."

I started to move to the back, but Lori snickered again and said, "You know you look like a boy I know. Are you related to someone named Jordan?"

"I've got a cousin named Jordan." I did, several as a matter of fact, but it was their last names. "

"This guy goes to Northfield and he's a real super nerd, honor society and all that. Last name is Hailey."

I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Maybe that's my cousin. I need to make this call; I'll go to the back of the bus."

Sydney decided to be polite, since I was obviously trying to get rid of them. She told me their names and asked mine.

I said, "Hailey."

Snicker. "That nerd guy's?"

"Yeah, Jordan's mother's brother married Jordan's father's cousin. Means I have lots of double relatives. My mother gave me her maiden name as a first name. Jordan's mother gave Jordan her maiden name. She knew what she was doing but did it anyway."

Sydney said, "Oh, so Hailey Jordan, and he's Jordan Hailey. Weird."

"Yeah, it's not a problem; we aren't ever seen together."

Blair's phone rang, and it wasn't playing "I Kissed a Girl," so the call wasn't from Tracy. I wasn't going to answer but I had to look at it since Lori and Sydney heard it. The phone said it was Andy, and I got up and walked away.

"Andy! Are you OK?"

"Yeah, fine. No thanks to you, Sensei Jordan."

"Huh. What? Huh?"

Andy was laughing. "Just kidding, Hailey. Are you going to come and watch me tonight? Tracy told me about your new clothes. I can't wait to see them."

"Andy! Why aren't you in the hospital? You can't play tonight. Come on, be real."

"No, I just broke one little phalanx - not too badly - and partly dislocated a knuckle. Some scratches and some soft tissue injury. No biggie."

"Knock it the hell off. The doctors aren't going to let you play and you can't. Stay in the hospital and listen to them. Don't go into this macho bull."

"Hail, they've already sent me home. The doctor gave me stuff to reduce the swelling, and he will be at the game to give me a new shot of Novocain before I go in. You're lucky. My father and the coach would have killed you for starting that fight if I couldn't play."

"Andy, I'm serious. Don't! Don't let them make you. How can you anyway? I saw it; you can't throw a ball with that hand."

Andy was laughing at me. "That's why I love you, Hail. You have never even seen me play, have you? So I know you love me for something besides my being a football stud."

"Christ, Andy. So cut the shit. I heard they let you play with a broken wrist last year, and now they are doing it to you again, And you let them! It's only a practice game, jerk."

"Jordan, listen, really. I trust them because they need me. My father and the coach and the doctor don't want to use me up. Not when I still have two years of High School ball to go. OK? Last year I just had a little crack in a carpal. Sports pages call that a broken wrist, because it sounds better, and technically it is, but it isn't like a broken ulna or radius. It didn't even start to swell up until two hours after the game."

"Andy, stop acting like you're so damn smart. What a copal and all that? And how would you know?"

"The carpal is a little flat bone at the end of the palm. The phalanx is a finger bone, and a knuckle is the joint where the finger starts."

"Thanks, I'd heard of that one."

"Ulna and radius are the lower arm bones. Break one of those and your hand looks like one of Irish clubs Leprechauns have in about ten seconds. Hailey, just because I'm a jock doesn't make me stupid, not 'til after the third or forth concussion at any rate."

"I didn't say you were stupid, Andy. I don't think you're dumb."

"High Praise! Thank you. My body is the only tool of my trade, Hail. I listen when people talk about that stuff, and usually I take care of it. Except when some fool friend goes all kung fu panda on three apes."

"You do blame me, don't you?"

"Nah, just teasing. But, Jordan, you don't usually act like that. It could have been handled better."

"I didn't start it!"

"How many fights have you gotten into lately, Hail? You thought having tits and mascara on made you invincible today."

"F you, Andy. They were about to ruin my bikes."

"Oh, Jord, I'm not saying you were to blame or a bigger asshole than them. But you were already mad when we left the diner, and normally you would have reacted a little slower. You just didn't think anyone would attack a girl, and you let Pike have it. Most of the time, you would have been right, but Pike is a bigger asshole than most giant assholes.

"OK. I'm sorry, Andy. It was my fault, I guess." Was he really right? Did I do it?

"Don't over do it. You never did totally lose it like they did. But if you ever do, call me so I can watch, OK. And you kind of need to get your asshole meter recalibrated for when you're being a girl. I didn't think Pike would go that far either though.

"But do you feel guilty enough to came and watch me play tonight?"

"Yeah, and I got to see Mr Friend there too, remember?"

"Oh yeah, but will you come dressed like you were when Tracy saw you at the mall? I want to show you off."

"Andy, you're going to need Tracy still, so you can't do that. And my asshole meter has gotten better, I gotta get out of these things."

"Hey, I'm a superstar jock. I can have two girl friends, and Tracy won't mind."

"She might. I think she has plans for me now. How can you play with your hand like that? No way can you throw or take a hike. I don't care how much stuff they shoot into you."

Andy laughed loudly. "She does? That's wild! Well come dressed anyway. I just want to see it, and leave your bellybutton showing. She told me about your shirt."

"Maybe. How are you going to take hikes and stuff?"

"It's just an intersquad game, Hail. I'll probably only play a half, and we will start with the ball in my hands and just pretend to hike it. You really are worried about me, aren't you?"

"Well, yeah, since it's all my fault."

"Oh, I just want you to be careful is all, Jor. Please. And to just say you like me, at least."

"Andy, so how do you throw with a broken hand?"

"I'll only tell you if you say you like me."

"You know the answer, but just not like that, Andy."

"Com'on. Say, 'I like you, Andy, and I'm worried you will get hurt.'"

"I like you, Andy, but not that way. And I'm worried you'll get hurt again."

"Will you come in a skirt and a cropped shirt to the scrimmage?"

"That wasn't the deal. How will you throw, Andy? I'm almost at my stop, so just tell me."

"If it mattered to you, you would know. I'm left handed. It's a big part of my skill set, Hail. Pike doesn't know that because he's an idiot. Now, are you going to wear the short shirt tonight?"

"Andy, do you keep forgetting you don't even like girls?"

"Hailey, do you keep forgetting you aren't one? I don't. Or are you? Well, at least your body isn't. Are you a girl really though?"

"That's all you like about me, huh? What's between my legs."

"Don't play that. No way is it like that. You're one of my favorite people, and your being killer cute is just an extra."

"Yeah, right. I need to get off the bus now. I'll see you tonight."

"And I'll see your navel tonight too? I really do think I really do love you."

"Shut the holy F up already. Bye."

"Bye, love."

I hung up and leaned back on the bench. I need to get this thing of Andy's straightened out. And fast. Was I leading him on somehow? I didn't mean to be.

I pulled the cord and the bus pulled to the stop across the street from the garage.

The driver said, "You other two need to get off here too. You've made three loops, and it's against the rules."

"We're not bugging anyone," Lori said.

"Don't care; it's the rule. Off now."

Sydney and Lori got off behind me. Sydney said, "'It's the rule.' Why do they need a dumb rule like that?"

I said, "They worry that people will stay on until the bus is empty and then rob the driver."

"We don't do that shit."

"Guess he doesn't know you all that well," I said.

They didn't really seem all that upset by the whole thing, and started walking across the street towards the garage.

"Are you going to the garage?"

"Nah," Lori said, "we will catch the bus going the other way."

The shuttles were free. I guess that made it a cheep thrill for some people. As she was walking across the street, I noticed that Sydney's black polo had a brown spot on the sleeve. I had on just like that on my shirt. It was made by a drop of bleach I think. The weird thing was, that her spot looked just like Florida and the one on mine looked just like Louisiana. Do you think that all bleach drops make the shape of a state? Or maybe it's means something that I see states in random blots.

My Rorschach self analysis ended when I saw a dirty, burgundy Subaru make a u-turn and head back towards me. I wasn't sure if it was that boy's brother or not, but I trotted the rest of the way to the garage. That car drove slowly up the road, and then sped away when I reached the door.

The Missing MacGuffin (4) - Even More Chapters

Author:

Jan S

Audience Rating:

Mature Subjects (pg15)

Publication:

Genre:

Character Age:

Teenage or High School

TG Themes:

Other Keywords:

no sex

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

Back among friends at last and temporarily safe from pursuit, Jordan looks for new avenues of investigation, new ways to solve . . .

The Case of
The Missing MacGuffin
A Jordan Hailey Story
By Jan S
Even More Chapters

Many, many thanks to my friends and beta readers, Kristina and Daphne, for their kindness and aid, and to all those who have commented, or voted, on the earlier parts. You are the muse fuel.

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11: Allies?

5:15pm. Having no other choice, the August sun beat down on the parking lot around the garage and gas pumps. The blacktop dutifully sent the heat skyward in almost visible waves.

The Case of the Missing MacGuffin was twenty hours old. I still had few leads, but the case was now pursuing me, and it was getting closer and closer.

Reaching the door to the office was like reaching a haven. Behind it were friends; behind it were allies.

I tagged the door's handle and turned around to watch the dirty, dark red car speed away. Was it following me? Was it the same one that had been at the bus stop? It must have been. Were they chasing me because they knew I was searching for the MacGuffin? Were they minions of the Ferral boys with whom I had fought? Perhaps. Perhaps now I'd never know.

I entered the room and cold, moist air grasped my body like a securing hug. I slumped against the door sill and slid down the wall to sit on the cold linoleum floor.

Tracy was at the desk behind the counter, sitting on top of Blair. She said, "Hi. Can I help you? -- Is something wrong?"

Blair jumped up, almost throwing Tracy to the floor, and yelled, "Jordan! Goood Gawd! What happened?"

Tracy looked at Blair and then at me. Her eyes flew open. "My! Jorie, what's wrong?"

Blair reached me first and was leaning over me, stroking the back of my head.

I began laughing; I'm not sure why. "There were these boys, and I think they followed me all the way while I was on the bus."

"Idiot!" Blair said. "That's why girls go in packs. Christ, Jordan!"

Blair almost picked me up off the floor and guided me to the chair behind the desk.

I said, "Well, I was on a busy street and on the bus. I don't think they could have really done anything, but it was just creepy seeing their car when I got off the bus."

Blair still leered at me. "Look at you. If you go naked, every boy in town would trail you."

"Thank you, mother," I said with a snarl that turned into another laugh.

Tracy laughed too. "No. No boys would follow Jordan then. Well, Andy and a few might." She had sat on top of the desk and now put her feet on it too. Her prairie skirt bunched around her waist. I don't know if she was giving me a glace of things that high up on purpose or not.

Then she said, "Your hair is fantastic. What did you do to it? It's really -- I love it!"

"It's only temporary. White hair stood out and that's what the cops are looking for."

Blair said, "Yeah, neon pink and blue just blends in everywhere. It's great for camouflage."

I ignored her and said, "We have to talk about the case and Andy's hand. I think the assholes from Ferral -- the ones in that fight -- are the ones who stole the MacGuffin, and it could have been their friends following me."

"Shssss," Tracy said and then hollered, "Daddy, my friend got here. We're going over to the Dairy Queen and get a coke."

"No. You're not," answered a disembodied voice from the back office where a loud TV and several men were talking about a football game. "Once Jimmy gets that truck washed, you're going to clean the inside. And I need you to stay here 'til closing."

Tracy wagged her head and mouthed words, mocking her father. She got off the desk and moved into my lap.

"Don't talk too loud," she said as she played with my hair. Then she noticed my ears. "Oh, you got your ears done too! You gonna wear those flowers to school too, Jorie?"

I wiggled around until I got her weight off my legs and onto the chair. She put her arms around my neck and her legs across the chair's arm, and again let her skirt bunch up at her hips. Blair had taken the seat on top of the desk and leered at us.

"No, I got keepers put in so I can change to little studs for school and stuff. But look at my bellybutton."

"That too! You're so lucky my daddy won't let me because he heard one person some where got an infection, and like it's a big thing to him."

Blair said, "You can't change that for school, Jordan, you know. You've really gone all the way, huh?"

"I wear a shirt at school, Blair. No one has to see it."

Tracy said, "Yours is pierced too, Blair. What's so bad about it?"

I got back to the important topics and told them about the fight, about getting chased by the cops this morning, and about what the cops' DayOS Makina said about Blair. Tracy was genuinely upset once she heard what had happened to Andy's hand, even though we knew it would be all right now. Even Blair was angry at the Ferral jerks.

"We need to get back at those creeps," Tracy said. "What's going to happen to them?"

I told her what Officer Benwell had said and that Andy didn't want to do anything that would keep any of them from playing in next week's game.

Tracy hid her face in my shoulder for a second and then jumped up. She yelled into the other room, "Daddy, Jim's done. We're going to go start on the truck. Can you get the phones and listen for the door?"

"Watch for people coming in and don't leave until at least that truck is picked up, Tracy. You can leave the other tickets with Jesse at the pumps. Are you doing something tonight?"

"Daddy! I told you! I have to be at the scrimmage with the cheerleaders, and then I might spend the night at a friend's. I'll call if that works out; as usual. You said I could use that yellow Miata tonight, remember?"

"Yeah, but drive it right, no tickets. I can't afford your insurance already. And do that truck right. Kipperman's a good costumer. Tell me when you leave."

The truck looked exactly like the one I'd seen Kipperman use to move the MacGuffin this morning, but Tracy said it couldn't be because it had been dropped off last night. He has four trucks for his lawn service, all red, two regular half ton pickups, one with a back seat in the cab, and one that was jacked up and had big wheels.

Tracy didn't know who had dropped this one off, or at what time. The key had been put through the slot after the garage was closed.

A boy was scrubbing the wheels when we got to the back of the garage, and Tracy said, "Get a move on, Jim-boy! Let's get it done, Bro!"

"Go for it, Sis," the boy a few years younger than us said, "but don't get Dad on my case."

Tracy squirted some foam on the back wheel and wiped it off quickly. She gave the can and a rag to Blair, and Blair did the same to the wheels on the other side.

The boy said, "Great job." He backed away from the truck, waiting for me to bend over, I think.

While Tracy was handing out tools to Blair and me, the tow truck driver that had given us a ride last night walked over.

"Your daddy working you too hard, Tracy?"

"He's a tyrant, Mac. A tyrant."

"Could be worse, girl. He's asking way too much for that little car just so it won't sell, because you like it so much, you know?"

"Yeah, I know. He's a tyrant, but I've got him wrapped around my finger. Don't tell him I said that, Mac.

"Your secret's safe, but we all know that already."

"You know, I've never driven a car that didn't have a 'For Sale' sign on it, though."

"You will some day, unless you marry a mechanic. So ya'll are all going to the scrimmage tonight. What you going to do 'til then."

"Shopping! Of course. What else."

"Oh, I was wondering if you'll were gonna go eat fish bait again."

"We'll do that too."

"Who's got the best bait sold these days, girls?"

"Oh, we'll probably just go to Yo-uri-ko's. It's not the best, but it's at the mall. You going to the scrimmage too?"

"Gonna try. Want to see my boys play. I'll see ya' there -- Be good ta' then."

"I'm always real, real good, Mac." Tracy said it in a breathless voice that made it an obvious double entendre.

"Gaa, quit growing up so fast, girl."

The three of us started working on the truck. I was leaning over, vacuuming under the driver's seat, and said, "Does that guy really have two kids on the team?"

"Who? Mac?" Tracy said. "No, he was talking about the whole defense. He's like an assistant coach for the freshmen and junior varsity, and he works with Andy's father on the summer football things at the parks. So he calls every defense player in town his boys."

Then she came up behind me and goosed me. She was getting worse than Andy had ever been.

When I hollered and jumped, Blair said, "Just cut it out, Jordan! Don't squeal like that. For gawd's sake!"

I gave them each my most withering stare and went to the other side of the truck and started washing the dashboard. It was closer to the wall, and my ass wouldn't be sticking out.

Tracy giggled for longer than necessary. She said, "I sort of think Mac is real jealous of Andy. He's the only guy from this town to ever play pro ball, and that's his claim to fame, but he was only second string for like two years, and everyone knows Andy's going to be a big, huge star."

"I don't get why people make such a big deal out of that stuff," I said. "I told Andy I'd be there, but the cops are looking for me so I can't change clothes, and I bet I get spotted."

"I doubt it," Blair said. "People don't know how weird you are yet. No one will expect this."

"Well, I have to go and cheerlead," Tracy said, "and there will be lots of people to talk to. Someone might have some information about the MacGuffin, you know."

Blair was inside the truck, dusting the insides of the air vents with a toothbrush, and said, "Yeah, Jordan, you have to solve this case, right? The whole town and the cops need you. That's so you can wear skirts shorter than Tracy's cheerleader's outfit."

To shut Blair up, I turned on the vacuum and started cleaning behind the bench seat.

Then I saw something under the seat just before the vacuum swallowed it. A piece of paper was wrapped around six, bright pink pills. I'd never seen any like them before. It wasn't a big clue, but maybe they would tell me something about Kipperman's health, and every iota of information is important. I started to put them into my pockets but, of course, I didn't have any. I slipped them under the strap on the gaff; at least they would stay there.

Blair saw me doing that, and I told her I was just adjusting things.

She wagged her head and said, "You really are getting in to this, huh, Jorie? I can't believe it."

"You know it is just a disguise, damn it." I was whispering so Tracy couldn't hear over the vacuums. "Why is it such a big deal to you? The cops are looking for a boy with white hair. So I'm a girl with lots of colors in her hair. And I told you they think you're under house arrest too. You should become a boy with something besides black hair, Blair. Really."

"And how do I do that?"

I told her about the PlaHot DevIce. And she didn't reject the idea. It was harder to convince her to take most of her jewelry out of her ears and remove the make up and nail polish.

"So I'd have to look like a complete dweeb next to your hot little chick thing?"

"You're going to find something wrong with everything, aren't you? You can still wear ear studs. That won't be total dweeb, and we're going to a stupid football game. I'll be the one out of place, the only girl at the scrimmage that's not a cheerleader."

Blair stared at me, biting her upper lip.

I said, "Look, why is it so different? You try to look like a boy all the time anyway, Blair."

Blair said, "No, I don't, asshole." She turned to Tracy and asked if there was any polish remover around, but left before Tracy answered.

After a couple of minutes I left Tracy to finish the truck -- it was her job anyway -- and went to help Blair.

When I walked into the bathroom, she had the polish off of seven fingers already. She just rolled her eyes at me and said, "Come right in. I guess you should feel at home in here, huh?"

Tracy was the only other person within miles likely to come in here. I ignored the remark and said, "What color do you want your hair?"

"Is the red going to look like that mahogany stuff or a bright orange bozo or something?"

"It says fire red. We can do one strip and then change to blonde if you don't like it. One piece of red in blonde would look interesting."

"You're really are getting into this, Jord. Are you going to become a hair stylist now?"

I could have said "fuck you, Bitch." Instead I said, "Never know. You have something against hair dressers now, Blair?"

Blair didn't answer. In fact, until I was almost finished she didn't say anything else, only nodded when I asked if the red dye was acceptable and if she wanted two blond streaks in the front. When I was on the last lock of hair, she said, "So really, Jord, do you think you are actually a girl?"

"Shut the hell up, bitch," I said calmly and continued doing her hair.

I turned her to look in the mirror and said, "I think it looks good. So really, Blair, do you think you are actually a boy?"

"Shut the fuck up, bitch," she said calmly.

Tracy came in and yelled, "All done, even though I got abandoned."

She put her arms around my neck and tilted her head onto my shoulder. "Wow, Jorie, that's wonderful. You look great, Blair; no one is going to know you. But now you should get out of this room before someone drives up. Could you go outside and watch for people while I change?"

Blair just glared at her and left without a word. I started to follow but Tracy held onto me. She said, "Wait, Jorie, I want you to do something for me."

I said, "Tracy, you don't need a disguise. They aren't after you."

Once the door was closed behind Blair, Tracy kissed me, stuck her tongue in my mouth and wrapped her teeth around my lip.

I pulled back. "You're really bugging Blair, you know, and when I'm back to being Jordan again, you're going to lose all interest in me."

"Maybe. Maybe not," she said. She pulled a string at her waist and let her skirt fall to the floor. She was wearing a pair of pink panties, of course, with lots of lace, not quite a thong but almost. I wondered if I'd wind up wearing things like that now. The way things were going, it seemed inevitable.

She took off her t-shirt, and she wasn't wearing a bra. I let out a huge sigh and let my shoulders fall, but Tracy didn't notice.

She said, "Is that stuff easy to get out? Could you give me a white streak on one side?"

I stared at her until she put her hands on my back and pushed me to the sink. With her breasts squeezed against my back, she said, "Please, Jorie."

"Come on! Damn it. I don't like this fucking game, Tracy. You don't really like people like me. You have admitted it."

"Nah-uh. I always liked you, Jorie. Really. Can't we be friends? That's all I want. Come on, do my hair."

"Just get dressed first. This stuff won't get on your clothes."

She took a powder blue T with a cloud of yellow flowers on the front from a locker and slipped it on. It almost hid the top of her panties.

While I was doing her hair, I said, "Blair is really getting ticked about this. And this isn't really me. You're screwing things up and are going to miss her when she is gone."

"Maybe I'm not really what Blair wants, Jorie. It makes me sad. Really. But things never last that long for me. Ever."

I thought that was obviously because she flirted with everyone, no matter what kind of relationship she was in. But I didn't say anything. It would have done no good.

Tracy added, "And maybe this is really you too! Have you thought about that?"

When I had finished doing her hair, she gave me a hug and a kiss again before telling me how wonderful it was. I had given up fighting her off by then.

Then, with one arm still around my neck, she began pulling up my top. I tried to hold it down.

"Hey, I showed you mine! You gotta show me yours now. Besides we're all girls here, right? Or if you're not, showing your chest is no big deal. Either way you gotta show me."

I sighed and lifted up my top. She began fondling the forms as if they were real. I couldn't feel it, of course, but I let her anyway.

"They look nice, but why did you get ones so small?"

I shrugged and told her I like them like that, that it looked more natural.

"Oh. I like huge titties so much! Can we get you some balloons to wear?"

I snickered and shook my head. "Why don't you try some sometime, Trace, if you like them like that so much?"

"Ugh, not on me! On my friends. And these are better than having nothing."

"But Blair hides hers."

"Yeah, but she has really nice ones. Not big, but all round and -- nice."

She pinched the middle of the forms and said, "Why don't they have nibbies?"

"You can get them, but I didn't think I'd need things like that sticking out all the time."

"We could glue some pencil erasers on, or find some old bolts in the garage."

"No! These things cost a ton."

"I guess not," she said and giggled. She put her head back on my shoulder still fondling one of my breasts. "Too bad."

It did seem to make her genuinely sad, and I rubbed her back. She nibbled my neck some.

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12: Adversaries?

Blair stuck her head in the door and made a very loud gulping sound before she said, "Hate to ruin all the fun, but someone just drove up."

Tracy said, "That will be the guys for Kipperman's truck. We can go as soon as I'm done with them. Tell them I'll be right there, Blair."

Tracy tool a pair of shortalls from a locker, and slipped them on. "Can you help me with these button things, Jorie."

Blair stormed out.

I started to do the two top hooks on Tracy's overall., I remembered those being tricky when I was little and wore things like that, but she said, "Do the side ones first."

"Tracy! You can dress yourself."

She stuck out the tip of her tongue, grinned and said, "Pretty please."

The shortalls were white with little pink and blue hearts all over them. They were so tight on her I could see why she wanted help, and they didn't really cover all of her cheeks either.

Once I had her dressed we went into the garage and saw another red truck parked by the bay. Then I saw Jojo and Hancock going towards the office.

I told Tracy they were the jerks that had ruined Andy's hand. She huffed and bit her lip, but then walked over to them. I ducked back into the women's room and called Blair from the other door which opened into the office.

"So, Jorie, did you and Tracy have fun?"

"Yeah, lots, Blair. Now shut up. You know she'll stop that stuff and go back to you the second I'm out of disguise."

"But when will that be? Ever? And will you stop? Getting Tracy is a big reward for doing something you love to do."

"I keep telling you that it isn't for me! Now just listen! That's two of the guys that smashed Andy's hand out there, Blair, and I think they took the MacGuffin too, and they know me," I said.

Blair laughed -- actually laughed -- about that. "Well, that's why you're dressed like a slut, isn't it? To hide?"

"They know me in the disguise! I was a girl when they had the fight."

I went into the stall and closed the door.

"Are you going to take a piss with me right here, Jordan? You really have gone all the way. Be sure to sit down, girl."

"Shut up and deal, Blair! Why are you blowing off this case? You're the one they pulled in."

I'd only gone into the stall to adjust things inside my gaff. I wondered if those tape things really worked like Q said they did. When I pulled the gaff down the piece of paper that I had found in the truck fell out and some of the pills rolled out of the stall.

Blair picked one up and said, "Jordan, you're taking these!! You really are serious, aren't you? I'm sorry. I didn't realize."

"I found them in Kipperman's truck. Do you know what they are?"

"Everyone knows that trannies take pink pills, Jordan. Knock it off. How long have you been doing them? Where do you get them?"

"Blair! They aren't mine! Geezus! Am I the only one that cares about the MacGuffin? They were in the truck. I'm doing all of this for you, and all you do is keep giving me shit."

"Yeah, I just bet that Kipperman is taking massive estrogen, Jord. OK, I'll see if Luke can get that clown to say anything about the MacGuffin, and you can have some alone time with Tracy. Luke is me, if you didn't get that."

I opened the stall door just in time to see Blair go into the garage. I went to the other door and opened it a crack.

I heard Jojo say, "Com'on, Tracy. It wasn't me. It was Pike. He goes all ape-shit sometimes. Hell, if Andy doesn't play, kicking Northfud's butt won't be the same."

"Yeah," another voice said, I guess it was Hancock, "and we didn't start it. It was some crazy little chickie that Andy was with. She just tore into Pike for no reason."

I wanted to go out and slug the jerk.

"It was kinda funny." Jojo was talking again. "She was taking on Pike and Bill all alone. Andy and I were just trying to stop them until Pike went all postal. Have you and Andy called it quits or something? He was pretty tight with that girl."

"You're not going to say you did it for me are you, Jojo? That's crap." Tracy said.

I heard Blair then, her voice was a little lower than usual. "Did you guys really take the MacGuffin too? I heard you said a bunch about it during the fight."

Real tactful, Blair! I groaned silently.

"Who the hell said something about that. It's a damn lie!" Hancock said.

"Just asking," Blair said. "Someone told me you bragged about it during the fight. Really, I think it would be cool to grab that thing, kinda."

Jojo laughed. "Yeah, but we didn't. Man, who would want that kind of shit? That whole night was just weird. Anyway, who are you?"

"Luke Blair," Blair said.

"He goes to Southlake, and helps around here sometimes."

"A freshman?" Jojo asked, or maybe declared. "To bad you can't go to a real school. Your team sucks annually, you know."

"Sophmore. We win a few B-ball games sometime anyway." Blair said.

Hancock said, "I'm leaving. Hand me the key, Tracy. Joe, you're getting me at Kipperman's shed, right?"

"Yeah. I'll see you later, Tracy. Listen, when you find out about Andy's new girl friend, give me a call. I'll treat you right."

"Thanks, Jojo. I'll keep you in mind," Tracy said, "but don't hold your breath or, on second thought, go ahead and hold it."

Jojo chuckled.

Blair said, "You're not going near the mall, are you? Tracy was going to give me a ride, but her Miata is going to be crowded. Could I get a ride? "

She was getting into a car with that jerk!

"OK," Jojo said. "I can get you there, I guess. Have to pick up Hancock first. Always willing to help an unfortunate Southie. See what a nice guy I am, Tracy?"

Tracy said, "Get out so I can lock up and leave." She was actually letting Blair go alone with that guy!

After they had left, Tracy promised me that Jojo wasn't all that bad, and that it was only Pike that needed to be watched. I'd seen something different today, however. Tracy finished the paperwork, and I used her cell to call Blair.

"Hi, Tonya," Blair said.

"Tonya? Blair, you got in a car alone with the ass that broke Andy's hand!!"

"Uh-huh, going to have to change that ring tone. Everyone knows my girl friend is calling me. It will be OK. I thought you wanted me to look into that thing, so I'm headed to the mall to do that. OK? Look I can't hear because of static. I'll call you when I get to the mall. Bye."

"Keep you're finger on the emergency button!" I yelled, but I think she had already hung up.

I tried to call Andy too, but only got his voice mail. I dropped into the desk chair and sighed.

Tracy came and got into my lap. Now I was squashed, as if I wasn't already down enough.

"It will be OK, Jorie," she said and kissed me and wiggled her butt. I was getting so tired of that; when was she going to get over it?

Nothing was going right. Nothing was going to be OK. Still.

"Let's go, Tracy," I said, pushing her away. "Let's get to the mall.

"Yeah! We got time for lots of shopping before the scrimmage, and there are some things I want you to try on."

"I just want to go right to Old Navy and get some bike shorts to wear under this stupid skirt."

"Why do you want to put something on under that, Jorie? It looks great."

"Because I have to watch my every move. Every boy in town is looking at me waiting for something to slip, and a girl is too."

Tracy giggled and said, "More than one, babe. That's the greatest thing about being a girl. Everyone looks at you! The girls that aren't interested one way are still checking out the competition. Come on -- lets find us some ammunition, girlfriend."

"Tracy, that's not what I want to do tonight!"

"I know, I know. You're on a mission. But your agent is still out. Let's try on some things until Blair calls. We can do that, can't we?"

"And I don't want to waste all my money."

"They don't charge to use the changing rooms, babe. This is going to be fun!"

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13: Investigating?

I never agreed to Tracy's shopping spree. I still wanted to go straight to one of the cheap stores and buy some shorts, nothing more, but that proved to be impossible.

Tracy parked her car near the Nordstrom's entrance and before we got through the store I'd had five dresses held up to me "just to see", and I'd held three up to Tracy. At that store the clerks were so attentive, I didn't have to try anything on. Tracy's second stop was Victoria's Secret and was only window shopping too, but when we got to The Gap my luck had run out.

There weren't any of the kind of shorts that I wanted but Tracy found four things that she demanded to see me in. The booths were tiny and there was barely room for one person to stand in them. Still I had to push Tracy out and cross my heart three times as I promised I'd show her each outfit, before she would let me change alone.

Once she was gone I stared at the dresses. There was a light blue halter-topped sun dress with tiny, yellow daisies forming pin stripes. I decided that one would be the first.

I stepped into it, and tried four times before I got the strings tied in the right place. I looked in the full length mirror. Tracy had grabbed one that was smaller than any sales assistant would have told me to try on. It was much shorter than the designer had intended, and the top didn't come around as far either. I wasn't sure at all that that kind of top would ever work for me.

I kept just looking in the mirror. It was made of cotton, very soft and light. This was the very first brand new dress I'd ever had on in my life. I spun around and around trying to see lots of angles in the mirror.

Tracy hollered from the corridor. "Come on, Jorie! Let me see already! It's been an age."

Time was up. I'd have to at least walk out into the store with this on. I kept my arms crossed as I walked out.

"Ohhh. That's awesome. Put your arms down."

I did, but I grabbed Tracy and whispered into her ear. "Look at the top. Does it come around far enough too keep the seams on my boobs hidden?"

Sympathy isn't one of Tracy's more common responses, and she burst out laughing. "Com'on. Let's go have a look."

She pulled me back to the dressing room and stood in the open door. She had me spin around with my arms in lots of different positions. Then she said, "Nope. It stays closed just enough. Of course when your tities grow it might be a problem."

I sighed at her, but giggled too. When she finished laughing at me, she said, "Can't you hide those some way?"

"Yeah, if you're real careful with the glue and use make up, I think, but it's hard on the sides, and I'm no expert."

"You seem pretty darn good at it to me. Try on another one. Faster this time!"

Even though it was just a skirt, the next thing I had to wear for her was of the little black dress type, a kind of thing I'd never worn before, and I was really surprised that Tracy had picked it out. Also it looked pretty stupid when I put the top I'd been wearing back on.

Tracy cracked up when she saw that combination too and pulled me over to the blouses. I took a solid white one with a bow at the neck instead of the pink one with a peter pan collar she liked.

"Wow, I can see why you kept hovering around that skirt, Jorie. Not my thing, but you look fantastic. Not with that hair though. Do you have the right shoes?"

I rolled my eyes at her. Yeah, like it was all my idea.

Again, I had one of my unique worries though, and again I cupped my hand to Tracy's ear to ask about it. This time she didn't pull me into the dressing room, she just spun me around and pulled the slit in the side of the skirt apart right in the store.

At least she did keep her voice down when she said, "Well, Jord, you can't wear great big briefs like that with that skirt, but get some panties with higher cut sides -- or a thong -- and you have nothing to worry about. Why do you think I always called you 'bubble butt'? You can show a bit of bun any time! And you can see the shape in that already."

The other two outfits she had me put on were all Tracy. One was a smocked-topped dress with a bow in back and balloon sleeves. If it hadn't been for the box neckline that came so low, it would have been a little girl's favorite. I think she had dreams of getting one just like it and us going about as twins.

After that I was down to the last thing she was making me wear, a raspberry trapeze dress with absolutely no shape at all, and I was finally done with all that.

As soon as we got out of the store, Tracy started to hold my hand. I thought of my mother doing that today too, and I smiled and wondered if I'd ever get to walk though a mall with free hands again.

But I also decided that, just to be nice to Mom even if she'd never know about it, I'd get out of this skirt she hated. I pulled Tracy back into the store and bought the little blue sun dress and changed into it.

When we were walking through the mall, I asked her again if the top was wide enough.

"Worrywart! I guarantee no one can see anything, Jorie."

"Well, it's really a size too small, is all."

"Yeah, but they want it to be too long. I think it'd be better even a lot shorter."

"Not a lot! But maybe a couple of inches or so."

"Can you sew?"

"Me? Not likely. Even if my Mom could, she isn't likely to have taught me to, now is she? Did your mom teach you to?"

Tracy's hand tightened on mine just perceptibly. "My mom never taught me a thing, Jordan."

"I'm sorry." I didn't really know about her family at all and had hit a nerve.

"Why? You didn't have anything to do with it, did you? She walked out on us when I was about five and Jimmy was two and Greg was at school. Just went out to the garage and never came back. Jimmy started crying and I couldn't get him stop until Greg got home and called Daddy."

"You don't know what happened to her?"

"Yeah, nothing. Just went away. She wouldn't come back. I never saw her again. I don't fucking care what happened to her."

I wrapped her in a hug,even though we were right in the middle of the mall walkway. I said, "I'm sorry," again because I really couldn't think of anything else to say at all.

"Stop saying that, silly! You were only five too. You didn't kidnap her, I'm sure."

I giggled.

"It really is OK, Jord. A long time ago and all, you know? And you are so sweet that it's magic. I don't tell anyone that stuff, Jorie, really. You pulled it out of my lips some how, didn't you?"

"I sorry," I said, but smiling.

She leaned her head on my shoulder and began rubbing my side.

"Uh-oh," she said, "We need to get you some more new clothes! I told Andy about seeing your bellybutton this afternoon, and he made me promise to make you wear something like that to the game tonight."

"Tracy! We've shopped enough!"

"You have. I haven't tried on anything yet. That's not fair! And I told him that before I knew you got it pierced. Don't you want to show that off?"

I wasn't totally sure that I hadn't sort of made Andy the same promise, but we had already spent too long in the mall.

"We should have heard from Blair by now! Look at your phone and see if there's a message. Let me call her!"

There was no message and Blair didn't answer. "So you still think Jojo is such a great guy? Shit!"

"Clam down, Jord! Geez! It hasn't been an hour yet -- well, just barely. I'll call Jojo and see what is going on, OK?"

She Has His Number On Her Phone?

"Jojo, you didn't kidnap that guy you gave a ride to, did you?"

I leaned close to Tracy's ear, but still couldn't hear Jojo's answers.

"I don't know. Maybe to blackmail me into going on a date? I don't like him nearly enough for that. Nah - ugh - half-hour."

...

"Ummm. OK, we'll just keep looking around."

...

"No, but he does dye his hair I think, but that doesn't make him one of those."

...

"Yeah, pretty sure. I need to find him. Bye."

Tracy closed the phone and said, "Nope he didn't kidnap her. He dropped her off about thirty minutes ago. She's her somewhere."

"Then why wouldn't she have called? How can you believe him?"

"Well, because as stupid as he is, he isn't dumb enough to kill her when people know she was in his truck. He'd at least wait 'til tomorrow sometime."

"It's not funny, Trace!"

"No, it wouldn't be if something really happened. But let's just walk around and see if we spot her before we call the National Guard. Want to go to Clair's and Piercing Pagoda and find some things to stick in your tummy?"

"I have to keep this one in for eight weeks."

Somehow that sentence was seen as agreement. I did insist we go by the sushi shop first and look for Blair, but she was nowhere to be seen. We headed back to the jewelry stores but on the way discovered a big sale at American Eagle Outfitters, and Tracy had always wanted a pair of destroyed denim shorts.

The store was crowded but within five minutes we were standing in line for the dressing rooms, each holding four brand new pairs of ripped up shorts and a few tops.

When we were near the front of the line I asked Tracy if she really needed help with the top hooks on her shortalls, and if she wanted me to do them then. She said, "Yeah, they're almost impossible. But, Jorie, let's just share a room. Or it will take us days of getting back in line. These are bigger. We'll have room, and we did it before."

I couldn't find an answer that I wanted to speak even in a whisper with other people so close, so I agreed by silence. It was a mistake.

I walked in to the room first and, before the door was closed, Tracy pulled the string that was holding up my dress. The thing had fallen half way off me before I realized it, and I yelped. I turned around to see Tracy giggling and giggled to. I let the dress fall the rest of the way, and reached out to undo her buttons.

Staying very quite, she said, "Wow, Jor, those are some real, real unsexy undies you have on. But I thought you had -- I mean -- don't. . ." She reached over and started rubbing my crotch.

I tried to move her arm away and whispered, "Don't, Tracy."

But she wasn't done. She put her arm around my back and kept moving her hand between my legs. "But I thought you -- don't you have..."

It was only seconds, but I could already feel the results, and her hair in my face and her smell in my nose didn't help any. "Yes, I do. Now stop it, damn it." I spoke in more of a low growl than a whisper now, and I had shoved her away, hard.

"Screw you, bitch, then! Just fuck off," she muttered and stormed out.

I threw my dress on and was still tying the sting behind my neck as I hurried out after her. I saw her leaving the store, and I began to trot. I called her name, and she shook her head but didn't turn around. When I was in the mall I yelled, "I'm sorry. Just listen, Tracy."

Finally she sat down beside one of the fountains.

"I thought we had become friends." She was crying.

"Tracy, please listen. I do have those things down there. Do you know how they work?"

She glared at me with the evil eye. Well, I was unsure. She was known to be interested in other things.

"OK," I said, "Well, I've got on this thing. It holds all that down - real tight - down between my legs. That's the only way I could ever wear shorts like we were looking at. And with that skirt -- I thought -- you know, just in case. But those bits can decide to. . ."

"They spring up when they get hard! Oh."

"Yeah, and it can hurt."

"And my touching you there. . ."

"Yeah, or when you rub against me with your naked tits, or wiggle in my lap, or like that."

"I'm sorry, Jordan. I -- I -- " She sniffled. "It hurts a lot?"

"It can after a while. Tracy, can't we just be friends? Just regular friends? And not have to do like that?"

"I won't any more. I didn't mean it to be mean at all, but it was, wasn't it? Even without that thing you have. But, Jordan, I don't do well with just regular friends. It always turns into sex and then it always turns into shit."

"It doesn't always have to. You think that's happening with Blair?"

She nodded.

"But, Trace, she is only real pissed because of what you are doing when I'm around."

"Not just that. Before too. She doesn't really want what I want, Jor."

"I don't think you want what I've got. Do you? And Blair is weird and a half, Trace. But she is worth the effort. Just work it out with her. Give it time"

"And you and I aren't weird?" Finally she smiled.

"When we find her, don't start flirting with me, and hang on me. I think that hurts her. Do it to her. I think she really does want to be real close to you. Maybe just not go as far as you want."

"You don't really understand, Jord, but you really care about her, huh?"

"Partners. And even if you did break up with her, even if she dumped you, I could never go out with you. Not for years and years, Tracy."

"OK, I'll try to stop, but you are just so, so cute. Do you really think we can be just friends? Forever?"

"Why not? And even if Blair isn't what you are looking for for forever, she can be great for for-now."

She rubbed an eye, and said, "I really do want to get a pair of those shorts."

"Me too! Let's hurry before they are all gone!"

We held hands again and walked back into the store and towards the dressing rooms. "But we can't use the same room, huh," she said.

"No, that will be OK."

"What? My bod doesn't make you hard? Oh, of course."

"No. Seeing doesn't do it for me. So I can help you with your buttons. But don't you just want me to do that just to be turning me on? And I don't want to do things that -- you know -- make you want to do things that aren't going to happen."

"No. I just like -- I don't know. It isn't like that though. But what about seeing Andy naked, Jord? Would that make that thing you wear hurt?"

"No. I've tested with porn. I'm just not visual, I guess. With anyone."

"Can we kiss?"

I pecked her on the cheek and said, "Sure. But not with tongues for long. OK? And not when Blair is around, Trace. It's not fair to her, Trace. Really."

After pecking me on my lips, she said, "You are so nice. Can I be your partner like Blair?"

"No! She's the only partner I can handle, and it's a pain! Not the kind down there; in the part back behind that, and a royal one. We can just be friends. Real, real friends.

"Best friends?"

I nodded and put my head on her shoulder.

"Best best friends?"

Nod.

"Best best girl friends?"

"Not the code word kind? Yeah, alright I guess, in private for that part most of the time though."

"Best best girl friends forever?"

"Tracy! Can't you take yes for an answer?"

In less than two hours something had happened to Tracy. I don't know what it was. I felt differently about her. It was like we had something in common, maybe. But I have no idea what the something could be, because we were so different in every way.

These clothes were doing something to my head, I think. It would be hard to break it to Tracy when I went back to my old opinions once I got back into some baggy cargos and a band shirt. But she would probably feel totally differently then too.

But for right now it was fun being with her.

We stood in the line until we could get back into the room where we had left all of our stuff and talked about her brothers and family while we waited. I had never heard her talk about things like that before. Even with Blair, she always talked about celebrities and school intrigues and teacher's idiocies and like that.

Seeing girls in these kinds of shorts hadn't really given me an idea of how tiny they are. My Mom probably wouldn't have approved, and I would have chickened out if Trace hadn't been there and started making clucking sounds. And she pointed out that they were more modest than most swim suits, which was true.

She bought two pairs. I only got one, and they didn't look like faded blue jeans, more like they had once been white and were washed with a red sweater, and they had one blue gingham pocket and one yellow calico pocket that stuck out below the frayed edges of the legs. I also bought a new cami top that looked like water stained silk with a draw string neck. It also had a draw string at the bottom that wasn't meant to do anything, but I could tuck the hem up and use the string to keep it any length I wanted. I think it's pretty great even though Tracy said it looks like a potato sack.

When we had paid for them the shopping trip was finally over, at last.

Tracy tried to call Blair again, but still got no answer. Even Tracy was getting seriously worried and bit her thumb, but she tried to hide it.

Tracy put her arm on my shoulders. "She's probably around here somewhere, Jorie. Don't worry; we will find her. Maybe she just wouldn't come into the girl's sections of the stores because of how she was dressed. Or something."

We walked from one end of the mall to the other looking for her. It was the only idea I could come up with, and it was better than sitting still.

At the far end of the food court -- Blair wasn't there -- we made a quick U-turn. That was when I saw two younger boys quickly turn and look at the Mrs. Field's counter. One of them was Bobby from the bus stop.

I pulled Tracy into a faster walk. At the first corner I glance back. They were following us!

"Trace, do you know that boy? He's the one that tried to get me into that car and then followed me on the bus, and now he is here!"

"Damn. Jorie. Let's go. Let's get out of here."

"But Blair!?"

We stopped walking, so we could think. The two boys went into a book store, but we could see them waiting near the door.

"OK. OK," Tracy said, "there's nothing they can do to us inside here. It could be a coincidence. Lot's of people come to the mall on Saturday night. And you picking up a stalker isn't that weird, and they're only freshmen or so, not real threats. So, let's just be calm. OK?"

"They have to have something to do with the MacGuffin Case, Trace. They have to be friends of Pike and Jojo. Where is Blair?!"

"Let's go to the sushi place. If she's looking for us she will come in there sooner or later. OK?"

I nodded and we started walking again. "We need to get back on the case. I've wasted way too much time. And the cops are going to find out who I am and. . ."

"What else could we have done? And shopping is never a waste of time, girl! Stop that kind of talk." She quickly glanced over her shoulder. "They're still there. -- We can talk to people tonight. I've asked some people to keep their ears open too and let me know what they hear."

"Like who?"

"Mac. That tow truck driver, and he's going to talk to his ex wife, who hears about almost everything sooner or later. And I'll talk to some of the cops I know too."

"Not that lieutenant. She's the one who's convinced Blair and I did it."

"Well, I can find out why she thinks that, if I see her, OK? So see there is progress, and Blair is around too. Cheer up, best best girl friend for forever, OK?"

I smiled at her calling me all of that.

She said, "Hey, you know what? I think you need company tonight, since you've got a stalker. We are BBGFFFs; do you think I should spend the night at your house? No, making out or snuggling, just laughing and being safe. I promise."

I burst out laughing. "Tracy! I can see it! My 'rents finally decide I'm not gay by catching a girl in my bed! They pop from delight and explode in anger at the very same instant."

Tracy started laughing as hard as I was.

"Maybe at your house?"

"Yuck! No Way? "

"It would drive Blair crazy too."

Just then some one slapped me on the back of my head! Really hard!

I turned around and Blair was standing there, utterly pissed. "Well, screwing Blair sounds like a great idea, huh!" she said.

I threw my arms around Blair. That wasn't something we usually did and she stiffened. I said, "Creep! Where have you been!? Why didn't you call?! We've been scared S-less!"

She pulled away from my arms and said, "Some little dweeb ran down my phone battery. And everyone in this place has been an asshole all night."

Tracy grabbed Blair in a tight hug. That didn't calm Blair down though. She kept glaring at me even while she petted Tracy.

Tracy said, "We have been looking all over, Blair. We were so worried."

Blair kicked one of the shopping bags I'd dropped. "Yeah, I can see how hard you've been looking! You even changed clothes again, Jordan. The skirt's thrill wear off? How many little outfits are you planning to get into today?

"I didn't mean to take you damn phone, and you know it, and I didn't use it much, and didn't have a charger. So knock it off. You could have looked for us! Or waited at Yo-uri-ko's. And I'm sick of you being mad at me. Everything isn't always my fault, jerk."

I walked off and sat on a bench twenty feet away. I had could see Tracy wispering to Blair, and see them making out some more. At least, because of the way that Blair was dressed, that only annoyed the old people walking by in the usual way, and didn't shock them the way Blair and Tracy usually did.

They came over to me, and Blair said, "OK, Jordan, when the phone was dead I tried to borrow one from people, but the whole place is full of creeps. No one would let me use theirs. That's why I was pissed."

I chuckled at her naiveté. "Course not."

"Why? I've had to do it before, and it wasn't a problem."

"You look like a boy now -- not a damsel. A boy in distress is just weird -- and suspicious. Why didn't you just wait at the restaurant? You knew we would look there."

"Mr. Friend was in there with that police woman. She's who I'm hiding from, right? He would have probably recognized me, like he did you. And I hate that guy anyway."

"What's so bad about Mr. Friend? I don't even think he'd tell the cop who you are. He didn't rat me out."

"He thinks I should be a total grind because I'm half Chink and half Jewish. An real idiot."

"You're not Jewish, Blair."

"I've told him that, but it won't sink into his tiny brain. I have a Greek grandfather. That's how I got this great nose and curly hair. I've got the look, and that's close enough for him."

Tracy said, "Yeah, Jorie. For you he's just the guy that keeps handing you college catalogues, but for a lot of people he's something else."

Blair said, "I'm starving. Let's go see if he's left the sushi place and, Jordan, I think I did learn something about last night from Jojo. But it's not much."

--------------------------------------------------------------

More to Come.

The Missing MacGuffin (5) - Still More Chapters

Author:

Jan S

Audience Rating:

Mature Subjects (pg15)

Publication:

Genre:

Character Age:

Teenage or High School

TG Themes:

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

Hells I was totally stuck, no phone, no ride, no one to help with the disguise, no friends. But enough was enough,...

The Mystery of
The Missing MacGuffin
A Jordan Hailey Story
By Jan S
Still More Chapters

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14: Reports

We trekked through the great caverns of commercialism. Groups of experienced adolescents meandered on the walkways; clots of younger ones milled in the aisles.

Theirs was a different world from mine now. When the MacGuffin was found missing, things had changed for me. My world, my life, my day was now dedicated to securing its return. There could be no normal days until then.

I had been in disguise for over eight hours now and, as I walked behind the core of my crew, it didn't seem I was going to get out of it anytime soon.

Some things had returned to normal, or at least usual.

Tracy hung onto Blair the way she used to -- since Blair looked more like a boy, that didn't draw as many stares as it had in the past.

Blair didn't spend all her time glaring at me, but she didn't let me forget she was angry either, and I still had no clue why.

I walked a few paces behind them, feeling like a third wheel. That wasn't unusual either, and it gave me a chance to think about the case.

When I left the house this morning, I winged it, but I still couldn't think of any better plan. I had hoped that, by talking to people involved, I would stumble upon something, clues. That didn't happen.

But the case had stumbled upon me. I looked behind me, and Bobby and the other kid were still trailing us.

Tracy either nibbled on Blair's ear, or whispered something into it. Blair turned and said, "C'mon, Jord, keep up."

I caught up and said, "Listen, don't call me Jordan - you know - when I'm in disguise. OK?"

Blair's eyes rolled; Tracy's face smiled, and she took my hand while keeping an arm around Blair. That didn't seem to upset Blair.

When we got to the sushi restaurant, Mr. Friend was in the line at the cash register. He was holding onto that police lieutenant as tightly as Tracy held onto Blair.

Tracy started giggling and said, "Ugh! Talk about a weird pair!"

Blair did a quick u-turn which pulled Tracy hand away from mine. Blair grabbed my arm to pull me along, and we went back the way we had come.

The about face had taken Bobby and the other boy by surprise, and we were walking right towards them. Tracy was glaring at them; I tried not to look at them.

The boy that wasn't Bobby said, "Wow, guy, how about letting some of it go around. Don't hog 'em all."

Blair was quick. She pulled both of us closer to her and said, "Yeah, like any of it would drip down to drips like you."

I yanked her arm and started walking faster. I saw Bobby push the other kid away from us too.

Tracy told Blair that they had been following us, and I admitted that one of them was the boy from the bus stop.

Blair took a deep breath and threw her shoulders back. She let Tracy and me go and walked towards the boys.

"Blair! - - Luke. Don't!" I said.

Tracy tried to hold onto her too, but Blair ignored us both. The boys also puffed up when she reached them.

They were out of earshot, but Blair had her arms across her chest and the others shrugged several times before crossing their arms. Blair pointed at Tracy and me, and then Bobby wagged his hands up by his shoulders, and they both backed away.

It was amazing! How could she have done that?

Blair was laughing out loud when she walked back to us.

I said, "Blair - Idiot - you want to get killed? You can't do things like that!"

She kept laughing. "I wasn't going to fight them, Jord. The first thing I told them is that I'm a pacifist. But when I told them you beat up a whole football team already today and were looking for more action, they had heard about that, and got worried."

"Damn it, Blair!"

"Jordan, you know boys don't mind getting beat as much as they mind coming in close with a girl. -- Then I begged them to keep following. I said I'd like to watch your crane kicks in that dress, but they would be in too much pain to enjoy all your beaver shots. That's what got them to leave. They didn't want to entertain me."

"You giant, huge, total asshole."

"Oh, calm down. You're the one that told me to be a boy. Just playing the part." She reached out to take my hand again, and I let her. "Com'on," she said, "your good bud, Friend, should be out of the sushi place by now, and I'll tell you all about the blowjob Jojo almost got last night."

"Who was going to do that?" Tracy asked, but Blair wouldn't answer until we had ordered our food. We had a booth at the back of the restaurant with Blair and Tracy on one bench and me on the other.

"It was two Northfield girls. All Northfield girls want Ferral boys. Didn't you know that?"

"Gugghh, yeah, like," I said.

Blair shrugged. "Anyway something major happened, and it ruined the whole thing."

I said, "He was just talking. No one at Northfield would do that."

"You're such an idiot, Jordan - I mean Hailey. There's a thousand kids there. Do you really think none of them give head? Have sex?"

"No one would do it to them!"

"Jord, you've never even had a class with anyone not in the top percentiles, have you? And high school jingoism is really lame."

"Look. I know a little bit about boys. More than you do, Blair -- Luke, and they were just talking. If a girl nods at them, they would swear she was ready to -- you know."

"I got that, Jord - Hailey." She smirked to show her condescension and her pride at using the right name. "But still there were some girls there with them at least talking, and making plans. Jojo and them were supposed to be working, and Pike started doing something with some kind of pole, moving his hand up and down it. Can you get the picture, Hailey?"

Now it was my turn to look exasperated.

"Well, you've led a sheltered life, I wasn't sure. Anyway, Jojo thought it was the funniest thing that anyone had ever done. And then something happened -- I think the pole hit someone -- that made the whole thing funnier, but then Jojo stopped talking about it. So it must have done some serious damage. If we find a Northfield girl with broken bones or bumps on her head, that will be the one."

I said, "I haven't heard about anyone."

Blair laughed, "You wouldn't have though, the story hasn't reached the honor society yet."

Tracy said, "I haven't either, but you two are the only people I've seen today."

I asked Tracy if she could think of any one who it might have been, and she shook her head. "Lots of people could have talked to them, Jorie. Not everyone thinks Ferral boys are a different species."

I frowned.

Blair said, "Well, these girls were at the country club with someone Pike knew, and something happened, and they all had to take off. That's all I've got for you, Chief Detective, sir."

Our food arrived, and I asked Blair if I could borrow her chopsticks. I had once made the assumption that Blair would never use them - that being too much of an Oriental thing -- so she had always carried a pair with her ever since. She didn't use them for sushi though, she said it was finger food, and I don't like using the freebie ones restaurants had.

When the waitress left, I said, "Maybe, what happened had something to do with the MacGuffin."

Blair shrugged. "Can't see how, but anyway, Kipperman is real pissed at them about it. But not pissed enough to fire them."

She made a grab for a piece of my dragon roll, and I stabbed at her hand with the chopsticks. She said, "You always get more than you eat, Hailey."

"Not my tail, jerk," I put a piece from the middle on her plate. "And I'd eat more if you didn't always steal half of mine."

"Na-uh. You never eat much. Now we all know it's because you're so worried about your sexy figure." She said it with a smirk.

I felt her shoe rubbing my calf. I don't know what was with that, and I pulled my legs up onto the bench. "Just shut the F up!" I said, "Maybe I buy extra for you."

Tracy said, "OK. So anyway I bet I can get Jojo to tell me more about what happened maybe. He'll probably be at the park later tonight. Do ya'll want to go there after the game?"

Neither Blair nor I answered her, but that wasn't because I thought it was a bad idea. As she usually does, Tracy took silence as agreement, and said, "But we should probably get going, it's almost eight. I'm going to be late."

Blair said, "I'll get a bus and see you there."

I didn't want to be hanging out at my school alone while Tracy was with the cheerleaders. I thought having someone around who was in on it made the disguise work better. "Why can't you just ride with us, Blair?"

"I don't want to be stuck behind the seat in that little car, Jordan. And I wouldn't be a gentleman if I made you sit there, would I?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'll sit in back, or we could just share a seat, Blair. It isn't far. I'll try not to contaminate you."

"You'd sit in my lap?"

"I don't care, or you can sit on mine, but I think I weigh less."

"Nah. That's OK. I always thought your male ego wouldn't let you sit on a girl's lap."

Tracy burst out laughing so loudly that people from other tables stared at us.

"Yeah. Guess that was really a dumb thing to think, huh?" Blair got another opportunity to sneer.

I started to say, "Fuck You!" but I couldn't get my voice to work. Instead I turned side ways on in the booth and pulled my knees up to my chin.

I heard Blair snort, then she whispered, or snarled, "Jordan, at least watch how you're sitting!"

I looked down and my feet were hiding everything, but I pushed my hem between my legs and held it in place with my thighs.

Tracy leaned forward across the table and said, "Jordie . . ."

I interrupted. "Call me Hailey, please, Trace."

"OK. Hail, you need to buy some new panties too before you change into those shorts."

Blair laughed some more.

I said, "I don't even know the right size. I just got some of my sister's that fit."

Blair said, "Yeah, he has them all separated into what fits, and loves trying them all on over and over rather than looking at the labels."

This time it wasn't hard to speak. "Shut the Fuck up!"

Tracy said, "C'mon. Don't guys. Here, let me look, Jor -- Hailey." She moved over to my side of the booth, and making sure she was blocking the view, lifted up my dress and looked at the label on the side of the patties."

Blair kept laughing.

I said, "What is your problem now?!"

"You two have gotten real close! You let her examine your privates now?"

Tracy reacted faster than I did. "She's my BFF, Blair. So leave her alone. And she is real nice to you too."

"How convenient, Jordan. And now you're going to change outfits so you can collect more best friends too. Gawd, you are Little-Miss-Popular-Little-Witch."

I pushed Tracy off the bench. "Blair. . ."

She interrupted me. "Call me Luke or Lou when I'm in disguise. Someone might think I'm a girl." And, of course, she smirked while she said it.

"Lou! I'm just doing this for the Macguffin." I reached into my purse and pulled out my wad of bills and threw them on the table. I thought it was about sixteen dollars, more than my share. "I know you don't give of Gee Dee about it, even though the cops are after you, so thanks for the info about Jojo. I bet it helps a frigging lot. I'll find another way to the school, or I'll just go home. Have some head."

I pushed the last piece of my eel towards her and walked out of the restaurant, fast.

Hells I was totally stuck, no phone, no ride, no one to help with the disguise, no friends. But enough was enough, and I didn't want to be around Blair any more. For about twenty minutes she had almost acted almost human. I guess that was her limit. A five year friendship screwed. What a waste! F-ing stupid Bitch

Did she really think I was dressed like this just for fun? Did she really think I liked it? And what was that to her if I did??

Then I saw that Bobby kid coming towards me again! Double SHIT I went down an escalator and at the bottom turned to see him getting onto it. I took a left and a right, and I was in the food court. I headed toward the bathroom corridor.

There were three women going into the lady's room, and I didn't want to follow them. I turned around; the creep was still behind me - in the hallway.

He kept coming towards me and said, "I'm supposed to tell . . ."

I swung my purse hard and fast right between his legs.

"UgAh . . .ack wants to talk to you. . . is all. aaaghh."

"Like I give a fuck?" He was bent over and I almost gave him a two handed chop on the back of his neck but decided he wasn't worth it.

Someone touched my shoulder. I jumped and spun around.

"Don't hit me!!" Tracy yelled, and took me in a hug.

I pushed her away. "I thought we talked about that, Trace."

"Girls can hug, Hailey!! And you neeeed it! And we're BFF's, right? Everything isn't always something else."

I shook my head and leaned into her arms.

"Didn't you learn not to go around alone earlier!?"

"I can take care of myself."

She giggled and said, "I can see that." Bobby was still bent over; we ignored him. "But we can't have you tearing up the whole town, can we?"

She led me into the food court and to a table at the back.

"Where's Blair?" I asked.

"I left her to pay the bill. She wanted to run after you too, but I stopped her. I barely saw you head down the escalator. You could have got lost, dumb duck."

"That was the idea. I'm really OK. Trace, don't abandon Blair. She's the one having a problem."

"Yeah, well I don't get that either. But don't go off alone, Jordan, really."

"Yes, mommy," I said; she slapped the top of my head. I saw Bobby come out of the corridor. He walked away from us as quickly as he could walk, which wasn't as quickly as he normally could.

"But you left Blair alone," I said.

"Yeah, I need to call her."

"Her phone's dead, remember?"

"Oh. We've got to find her. She's going to be near one of the bathrooms, and PO'd because she can't go in."

"How do you know that's where she'll be?"

"Because that's where girls go to cry! That's where you were going, isn't it?"

I hadn't even realized that that was where I was going the whole time, and it wasn't because I didn't want to be seen in there, but because I didn't want those women to offer help, that I'd turned around.

In spite of that realization, I said, "I wasn't crying, and I don't want to see her."

"Sure you weren't, Jorie." She started trying to lift my dress.

"Tracy! What!"

"I don't have any sleeves, girl. Just bend over some." She put her fingers on my face and showed me the wet makeup that had come off onto them.

"Well -- anyway, I don't want that on my new dress, do I?!"

"Will you stay right here? Not move? Don't run away."

I nodded.

"And not beat up any more boys?"

I let my shoulders droop in response.

--------------------------------------------------------------

15: Lessons

I thought she was going to go look for Blair, but she just went over to the condiments rack to get some napkins. It didn't matter because Blair came into the court laden with all of our shopping bags, and she had two other people with her.

Tracy jogged over to her and stopped her from coming to my table. I felt really stupid, stuck in place, and knowing they, including the strangers, were all talking about me.

Then one of the new people looked over and waved, and I recognized Quinn, the clerk from the Hotz'n store. I waved back, and he and his friend came over.

"So, Hailey, I hear you're being a real drama queen today. Way to go, girl!" Q had a big smile and made that sound like it was a very good thing.

"I am not!"

"Lou told us you were. He was looking for someone to look in the women's rooms for you."

"She's the one that's having the issues, Q. Really."

Q's friend said, "Who? That girl? She's the only one not all distraught."

"No. Not her. Blair - Luke."

The stranger said, "You kids all have too, too many names. And too, too many pronouns too."

They weren't more than three or four years older than me. The new one's gender was even more obscure than Q's. That had seemed almost impossible before, but was even harder now because Q was wearing an ankle length skirt, a red satin choker with Wedgewood sort of cameo pin, and a baggy black band T along with blue eye shadow, lots of bangles, and long ear rings.

The other one just had on some bell bottom hip jeans with sequins on the seams and a bright red polo. The only jewelry she wore was a gold link bracelet and tiny ear studs, and she only had light eye makeup and pink lipstick. She also had a stud in her tongue, but I didn't see that until later.

Q had shoulder length brown hair in flat pony tail. The other one's hair was shorter, blonde, and had yellower tiger stripes painted into it that could only be seen close up.

Yet Q's friend looked more feminine than Q, and they both looked like they wanted everyone to wonder, rather than to automatically accept them as girls, but few would have risked embarrassment by asking.

Q said, "Dasein, this is my new bud, Hailey. And don't you give her any stuff, OK? Hailey, this is Dasein. Dasein doesn't believe in pronouns ever, by the way. Whichever you use for Dasein, Dasein will get mad at you." Then Q pretended to whisper and added, "I always, always use girl ones for her though. She is almost all girl always."

They took seats on both sides of me and Q said, "So, new buddy, what is all the drama, huh?"

"Long - long - long story! Right now it is just all the grief she's giving me about how I'm dressed."

"Some of that comes with the territory, girl. If they're not spitting and hitting, it's not as bad as it could be." Q was rubbing my back while she said that.

I leaned forward and put my hands over my face. "No! It's different. We've been friends for forever and it's just me -- not everyone. You know her, she doesn't hate you, right? Never mind. Forget it."

Dasein said, "OK. So, then why do you call Lou 'her'. Just look, that's a 'he', if you've got to use a pronoun."

"Nah, I talked her into going out like that."

"Then how come you get to do that? If someone wants to be a she, why do you get to force them to not be a she?"

I said, "It's not like that. She needs a disguise, and she always dresses like a guy anyway. OK?"

"If Blair wants to be a guy, then why did you say 'she'."

"Look -- it's, it's --. . ."

Q had been watching both of us intently, now he chuckled and said, "OK, Das, that's enough for lesson one. Hailey is still a raw recruit and now isn't a good time."

"That isn't what the problem is anyway," I said, "It's her that can't deal with me, nothing about how she's dressed."

Dasein rolled her head back and stared at the ceiling. Q was still stroking my back, and said, "Are you real sure Lou is a she? I know what you mean about the clothes, and I've known Lou for a while, but not inside his head."

"I've known her for forever. She always tries to look like a boy, but then wears jewelry and makeup and stuff. And get's mad if you say she is a boy."

Dasein said, "So why isn't she wearing any of that today?"

"I told you. She needs to be disguised, like I do. She doesn't have a hard time getting away with it. OK?"

Tracy had just come over, and she said, "She doesn't do it that well though, Jord. Even without the earrings and makeup, Jojo thought she was a trannie or something. Listen, I'm late. I really need to be at the stadium. Please, come with us. Please, Jordie."

I shook my head. "Not with Blair, Trace. I'll just take the bus. Go ahead. I'll see you there."

"Blair won't leave without you. And I'm not leaving you alone either, not when you're being followed. Please."

Q said, "You already have a stalker? It isn't someone who read you, is it?"

"No. Just some kid that saw me near your shop, and then showed up here. I think I've chased him off. It will be OK."

"I'll give you a ride. And you do need to stay in a group, girl. Don't take chances. There are people in the world who don't like you already."

I looked at Tracy, and she looked at me. I didn't know these weird people well enough to get in a car with them, but I didn't want to insult them. Tracy was thinking the same thing and didn't know what to say either.

Q read our minds. He said, "Blair knows me. Will you take her word that I'm OK?"

After talking to Blair, Tracy relayed her approval. She made me promise that I'd be at the scrimmage and go to the park with them. Then she gave me a peck on the mouth before she left.

Dasein said, "Maybe your new buddy isn't such a creep after all, Quinn. At least Hailey has friends."

I said, "Thanks a lot," but Das ignored me because the comment hadn't been made to me.

Q said, "Let's go and get you fixed up and hit the road." He stood me up and led me towards the restrooms.

I guess I was felling a little better, like I was back among friends again.

I headed for the lady's room though I wasn't sure it was the right place, but they went into one of the family restrooms.

Q said, "They pretend these are for handicapped and for mothers who don't want their kids in the men's room alone, but they really build them to keep us from freaking out the zombies."

That was obvious now. I said, "And a great place to change into super hero outfits too!"

"Absolutely!" Das said, "And we do have super powers, you know. So, Hailey, how long have you been dressing?"

This morning I hadn't known what that meant. I said, "I've only done it a few times. I don't much."

"Bull. When was the first time? And not just going out, hanging at home too."

"Does loving wearing my sister's princess costumes count."

"Depends on when you stopped."

"Eight - nine, maybe."

Dasein said, "Why did you stop? Why did you start again?"

I sighed and said, "I don't know. Really, I don't want to trick you into thinking I'm something I'm not. I don't really do this all the time. It's just a disguise for today, I always wear baggies and black Ts and baseball caps. The boy uniform."

Q said, "Alright just knock it off, Das. She doesn't need the inquisition from us."

"Oh, stop being so butch Q. I'm not asking Hailey about self image, just about costumes. I'd just like to know how Hailey feels about it.

"See why I almost use male pronouns for Q, Hailey?"

Q said, "I'm not being butch! I'm being a bitch. Knock it off. We don't have an enlistment interview."

"Can I ask Hailey about the reasons for the disguises and what the fight with Blair was about, Captain Q? Hailey, I'm not judging. I'm just curious. I won't ask if you're a girl or not. Those distinctions are bunk anyway."

"That was the question that Blair kept asking me over and over. Bitch."

Q was opening my purse to get my makeup, and I got it out for him. Das had taken a seat on the countertop next to the sink and sat with her ankle on her knee playing with the straps on her sandals.

Q said, "See, Hailey, if you're trying to pass, you will do fine with a lot less makeup than you had on this afternoon. Some gen-girls wear so much that people think they're boys trying to hide."

"Well, isn't that what I am?"

"I don't know, but you don't want to look like that's what you are. Or do you?"

Das said, "Do you really try to live as total boy, Hailey?"

"That wasn't one of the approved questions, Das."

"I do OK. I'm not that fem. No one looks at me and thinks, 'Is that a boy or a girl?'"

Das said, "But you could get them to wonder that with just a little bit of effort, you know!"

I chuckled. Q had a damp towel and started to wipe my face, and I tried to take the rag.

Q said, "Hey! Don't be so selfish that you turn down help. That's rude."

Das said, "Let it be, Hailey. Q's an artist."

I let Q wash my face. Then Q took some tweezers from his bag and aimed them at my eyebrows. I jumped back.

"Just a few," he said, and I gave in.

Das said, "You don't really mean you never get crap going about as a boy, do you?"

"Everyone gets crap. I do change for PE on the back row."

Q asked, "Are the AFZ signs still up?"

"Yeah." The story was that in ancient times someone had painted 'FZ' on the doors of some of the school's boy's rooms and on the wall of the back row of the locker room. They meant it to stand for 'fag zone', and to keep all those deemed weird from the other areas. Someone else added an 'A' to make it stand for 'asshole free zone'.

"Q claims he is the one who added the 'A'. It's his greatest exploit."

"Did both of you go to Northfield?"

"Yep," Q said, "don't worry, Hail, high school does end. I bet you haven't put any disinfectant on your new piercings yet, have you? By the way, I love that dress. You have my permission to wear it, even though it hides the work I did on you bellybutton."

"Ohhh. Tracy took my other clothes. I was supposed to change so this boy could see that."

Das said, "You have a boyfriend too?!"

"Not a boyfriend. Just a friend who's a boy."

"Just a friend-who's-a-boy that knows you dress and is interested in your navel. You kids sure have it easier than we did."

"I was interested in your bellybutton, Das."

"Hailey said it's a boy, Q."

"It's not really like that. Andy's only a friend."

Q said, "You're pushing her into things again, Das. OK, Hailey, do your mascara and one touch of blush on each side, but that is all I'll permit."

"We still haven't heard your excuse for going about dressed today, Hailey."

After I did my eyes, I said, "Have you heard about the MacGuffin?"

Das said, "Well, 'course. It's a big deal around here."

But neither of them had heard that the MacGuffin had been stolen. I told them the whole long story. When I was done Das said, "Hail, you don't really have any evidence that Kipperman took the MacGuffin. All you know is that he is trying to protect someone, and throwing the police off the track."

"Maybe, I guess. But it's my best lead."

"Have you thought of looking around in the shed at the country club?"

"But I saw him moving it this morning. I wish I had had time to look at the cop's computer for longer. Hey!" I had an inspiration, or a premonition. "Could you write something on the mirror for me, and don't tell me which one of you wrote it."

I told them the password the policeman had given me for his DayOS-X Makina and faced the wall. When I turned around it was written in lipstick. I added today's date and then wiped it off.

Q said, "You aren't a wiccan, are you? Are we caught in a spell now?"

"Not to worry," I said, "if it is, it's a good spell, and you're safe because I don't know who wrote it."

Das said, "I think the shed would be his best hiding place because, if it were found there, he could blame it on his peons. That's where I would have left it."

"It would be good to look around in there," I said, "but it's kept locked."

"And it has an alarm system too," Q said, "but there's a big hole in the back wall. One of the pieces of metal siding is loose, and his workers use it when he is late."

"How do you know?"

"Q used to work for the guy," Dasein said.

Q said, "And, believe me, I wouldn't mind seeing him busted."

"I heard he only hired jocks."

Das giggled.

Q said, "Well, yeah, I happen to have once been the best point guard the Northfield Vikings ever had."

"Yeah. They went eight and twelve under Q's leadership -- a really great dribbler - with a basketball, and with a water glass. The problem was both the forwards would jump ten feet backwards every time Q made a pass."

"Shut up, Das. You're being a bitch again," Q said.

"That does it, butchy-boss; I'm using boy pronouns for you from now on, Quentin." Das stuck out her tongue at him.

Q stuck his tongue out too and batted his eyes. It wasn't a very masculine response. "Like I would care," he said.

Someone jiggled the door handle, and Q said, "We better move out. Do either of you need to use the facilities? It will be a long time before we're near a private one again."

With a ton of emphasis on the 'he', Das said, "OH! HE's being all motherly! I'm good. Hailey can go into a girl's room without getting a glance, and you can just pee on a tree. Let us go then, you and I."

I said, "When the evening is spread out against the sky."

Das said, "See, the kids still learn things at that school, Q."

"I think Hailey is wicked smart, Das. We can't measure by her; think about my kid-sib."

I said, "I kind of am! But so are a lot of us in the next generation. So how old are you old betties? Eighty? Seventy?"

Q said, "I'm twenty; Das is still a teenager. It's not the years; it's the experiences."

"I'm humbled by your world weary wisdom." I tried to take Q's hand because that now seemed the normal way to walk through a mall, at least when in a dress, but Q yanked his arm away and began walking faster.

I thought I'd offended him, but when we were in the parking garage, and there were no others around, he put his arm across my shoulders. He said, "Hail, you're under eighteen, we're old folks. No contact in public. Some people like to make grief for freaks."

"And we wouldn't do well in jail," Das said, and she took my hand on the other side.

I said, "You guys aren't freaks!"

Q said, "The zombies don't know that."

Das said, "You call me a guy again, and I'll freak all over you!"

"Sorry."

Q said, "It's OK, Hailey. She won't really. She'll just pout for hours."

Das got into the back seat of Q's car with me, and said "OK. Now let's talk about your friend, Blair."

I groaned. Q said, "Let her be, Das."

"No. I have an insight into this. And if I'm right, Hailey will feel horrible about not realizing what's happening."

I said -- alright, I moaned it, "What is your insight?"

"Nope, we're doing this socratically. So when did this Blair start giving you grief?"

"Last night, when she was in my room."

"After you had been dressed at the park? And what else happened between the park and your room."

"Nothing." She just stared at me, so I added, "I had to ride in Tracy's lap on the way home. Tracy started flirting with me and kissed me when I got out, and that made Blair all jealous, I guess."

"You mean she has something with that girl, but the girl started flirting with you?"

"That's just what Tracy does, and Blair knows that. She also knows that I'm not after Trace. Plus I talked Tracy into stopping, and Blair just kept up her stuff."

"OK. Next, you say Blair always dresses in boy's clothes, but wears makeup and jewelry. Why does Blair do that, Hailey?"

"How could I know? She just likes the look."

"Does Blair envy male genderqueers and want to look like one? Or do you think maybe Blair wants to be trannie girl, a boy-to-girl trannie, but was born in a girl's body? All things are possible."

"I don't know!!" I was sort of moaning still, maybe whining by now.

"Is Blair really a girl or a fem-to-male?"

"She gets mad if you say that, but she always says that about others. I didn't used to think she had a thing about transsexuals, or how people dressed, 'til now. I don't still, except me."

"I don't think that's it. Umm. But you made Blair go out and try to pass as a boy, right?"

"I guess."

Q said, "Das..."

Das interrupted him. "No. This is important, Q."

"OK. Look, it's all because I asked her to go out as a boy, but she made me go out as a girl, and I haven't done that as much as she has. And she is mad about Tracy, but I don't think she is really gay, and Tracy says she isn't doing the things she wants, and that shows she isn't gay. But if she was wouldn't that make her mad at Trace, not me! And why is it my clothes she always attacks?"

Q got into the act now, even though he had tried to stop Dasein. "Slow down, girl. I can't keep up. She has a girl friend, but she isn't gay. And it is important to you that she isn't gay. You better figure out why that's important. Then she says she is all girl, but you think she wants to look like a boy, though she doesn't really try."

"She ties up her breast, and you said you thought she was a boy, Q."

"No I didn't, Hailey. There are female genderqueers, love. They aren't all F-to-M's. And I pick pronouns by presentation."

It was Das's turn. "And, Hailey, you say you don't get huge amounts of crap when you present as all boy."

"Not as much as some. I go to the AFZ's because I don't like the assholes. They make it uncomfortable but don't chase me out of the other rooms. But now with both ears pierced, I'll have to."

Q said, "Polish your nails, wear mascara and eyeliner now and then. You'll like the way it messes with their pointed little heads."

Das kept going. "And you get hit on by Blair's girlfriend and pick up a stalker as soon as you're dressed, and would have fooled me if Q hadn't told me about you. Are there other nice things about being a girl, Hailey?"

I didn't say anything; I just bit on my lip.

"But you say Blair always looks a like a boy."

"She could try not to so much. Tracy said she didn't do that well at passing as a boy."

Das said, "Geez-us, Hailey, have you looked in a mirror today? And you have a boyfriend, and could have a girlfriend, and can be a boy. I almost detest you, and I haven't been your friend for years. And then you go and tell her she looks like a boy too."

"I wasn't trying to be mean to her."

Q said, "We know that. Looks fuck with everyone. And, even when you don't think everything is black and white, like the zombies do, sometimes you miss some of the shades that exist in reality."

Das said, "And it's not all grays either! There are rainbows! Splendid spectra! Great blast of color everywhere! They think the world is achromatic. We've got to shock them into seeing all the colors!! -- Now cheer up. You're not evil, only a bit clueless, which is OK when you're new to something. I bet Blair can't explain anything either. Plus, Q'll get uber-pissed if you mess up your makeup again."

I smiled a little bit. We had just pulled into the parking lot at the stadium, and Q parked the car.

"Are we staying, Q?"

"I think it's almost over," I said. I hoped they would stay. Even dealing with Das's questions was better than watching football, and Blair would have a harder time being mean with them there.

Q said, "We might as well. Little-sib is going to call for a ride soon, and it's not like we have a life."

Das wasn't so worried about the zombies here because she took my hand as we walked across the parking lot,

I spotted Tracy's car - they were here, - and there were two red pick-ups in the lot too, one was right next to Andy's car. That didn't mean Kipperman was at the scrimmage, however. Even if both were his, he might have let some Northfield players use them like he did Jojo.

When we were halfway to the gate I said, "Das, so how do I make up to Blair for being me?"

Das said, "You don't, but seeing what's happening sometimes helps. For now just hang on and go for the ride."

--------------------------------------------------------------

16: Games

Mr. Friend was standing by the gate, and for the first time in a while I became self-conscious about my dress. I kept smoothing it down until Q grabbed my free hand, so I was holding both his and Das's when I got to the gate.

Mr. Friend didn't seem bothered by my clothes at all. He had a huge grin on his face as I walked up. He said, "Hello, Jordan. Glad you made it."

Blair and Tracy are way too hard on him. He's never been anything but kind and cheerful to me.

I said, "Yeah. Sorry I'm so late. You wanted to tell me something?"

"Yes, but not right now. I'm real busy. It's nothing bad, really, but it's going to have to wait until the game is over, OK?"

"Sure. No problem."

"Good. You're riding home with Andy, aren't you? We can talk while he's getting changed."

He didn't wait for an answer, but turned to Q and Das and said, "You two can't come in. Sorry."

Das said, "But Mr. Friend, we're old alums, here to cheer the grand old Vikings to victory!"

"It's an intrasquad scrimmage. Only students, parents, and Vikings Boosters are allowed to watch. I don't imagine you are paid up athletic supporters."

Das said, "I'm certainly not!"

"Can we make sure Hailey's friends are here?" Q asked. "And I'm waiting for my sister, Mr. Friend."

"Wait in your car. He knows lots of people here, and he has a ride."

After Q and Das left, I went to the bleachers. Tracy was easy to find; she was on the sideline with the other cheerleaders. Even though they weren't doing any cheers, she was chained to the group by peer pressure and only waved when she heard me calling her. I saw Andy sitting on the bench too, but he was to far away for me to get his attention.

Blair was harder to find even though the stands were almost empty. I eventually saw her sitting in the upper part with two boys. When I got closer I recognized them as Jojo and Hancock. That was a shock for a lot of reasons, but she seemed to be doing fine talking to them. I guess they could have climbed the fence to get in, and I thought about reporting them for spying on our team, but they weren't actually watching anyway, and it didn't seem worth the added grief.

I sat down in the lower part of the bleachers. Some of the biggest, dumbest cretins in school were out there smashing into each other at full speed in about a hundred pounds of armor. It should have been more fun to watch than it was.

Less than five minutes later, a gang of boys move closer to me, and and I left. Such a pain! The one best thing about being a boy is being able to be out in public alone!

I was going to go to the girl's room and hide out, but when I was passing the snack bar I got another surprise, Sydney and Lori were running it, and they were wearing spirit club t-shirts. There weren't any people there, and as I passed Lori said, "So we meet again. You following us?"

"Nah, must be fate. You know - sorry to say it - but you don't seem the spirit club type."

Lori snickered, as I had suspected she would. Sydney said, "Just doing our part to be good citizens and active members of the school community."

"Oh. If you say so." Somehow that was worth a snicker too.

"So,why are you here if you go to Southlake, huh?" Lori asked.

I didn't think I had told them I went there -- or led them to think it -- I hadn't told anyone that, but I'd let that Bobby brat believe I did.

I said, "Meeting friends. Is that OK?"

"It's fine by us. Just asking is all."

"You haven't heard any more MacGuffin news, have you?"

"Umm-No. There do seem to be a lot of people looking though," Syd said.

"Oh? Who?"

"Some boys we know where talking about it."

I said, "I guess it is a big deal. You know what? I heard there was a girl that got hurt real badly last night too; a pole fell on her or something. Did you hear about it?"

Lori came as close to a real laugh as she ever did and said, "No. I heard about a boy who broke a window with his wang though."

I faked a laugh and tried to act interested. "Oh? Who did that?"

"It's a long story," Sydney said.

Lori said, "But not as long as the wang."

Sydney gave Lori a 'shut up' look.

"Oh yeah, sounds like a good story." I said.

Lori snickered. Sydney said, "Might tell it someday. You want a drink?"

I opened my bag, and remembered that I'd thrown all my cash onto the table at the restaurant.

Syd said, "Umm, not to worry." She handed me a cup of soda and told me to go over and get a fairly clean one from the trash barrel.

She stuck the dirty cup onto a stack behind the counter. "They just inventory the cups, you see. They can't really keep track of the liquid."

Lori said, "We save those for special people. We don't get paid or a tip jar. See?"

"I'll pay you back for the tip. Promise."

"No need," Sydney said, "We still got the cups for our take. Now an extra person will get a special cup."

I already knew not to mess with high school kids that work fast food, and I knew that Lori and Sydney weren't the most principled people around. There wasn't any way I was going to change that right now. But I knew they did have their own sort of standards and code.

I carried the drink to a table and sat on the empty patio listening to the crowd noise. I tried to think about the MacGuffin case or about anything besides the clothes I was wearing.

They were fine until I started thinking about Blair. Going out like this had been stupid. It had gotten me into the worse fight I'd ever had. It had gotten Andy's hand broken. It had drawn a pack of boys to tail me. It had ruined a friendship. I wished I'd just let the cops throw me in jail. I wished I could just rip the thing off.

But was Dasein really right about this? Blair was really cute. She tried not to look like a girl, or she would look great. She just always had had problems with girl's clothes and with me. She had to see that what I'd done today was necessary, didn't she?.

Still, what Das had said was an explanation; the only one I could think of. The second I saw Blair, I'd apologize for suggesting she go out as a boy, and I'd promise her I'd never, never dress again, and I'd tell her I was taking out all my new studs as soon as I got home too. It would show that I was trying. It wasn't worth losing her. Even though she was a bitch, it wasn't worth it.

Syd and Lori spent some time chuckling and snorting behind the counter, then Lori came over with a rag to wipe down the tables and said, "So, who you waiting for?"

"Blair and some other people. She's up in the stands with two boys I don't want to have to deal with. So I'll wait 'til after the game. I don't really like watching it."

"Me neither, too violent, you know. I saw her. She was with Jojo and Bill Hancock earlier. Is that who you don't want to see?

I nodded.

"Say, you aren't the girl they had the fight with, are you?"

I closed my eyes and nodded again. I didn't want fame for that.

"Hey, Sydney, this is who beat up Pike!"

"Hum, Interesting. I guess that explains a lot."

"It's wild. They're real mad at us right now too."

"Oh, what happened?" Talking to them was better than setting alone going over all my troubles.

Syd came out from behind the counter. "We were supposed to meet them with some booze. But the girl that sold it to us ripped us off."

Lori said, "She says it got swiped. But we got some of her stuff that we're keeping until she pays up."

"Oh," I said.

Mr. Friend came out of the tunnel from the grandstands and said, "OK. This thing is almost over. Let's get ready for the rush, girls. There aren't very many people here but get a dozen cups ready. -- Oh hi, Jordan. We will talk in a bit."

He went out the other side of the patio, towards the parking lot. Syd and Lori went behind the counter and started filling cups with ice.

There was a bang, then a roar from overhead. "Here they come," Lori yelled.

The eight cheerleaders charged into the snack area, leading the crowd. They lined up, and Lori and Syd handed each one a soft drink and took their money. I wondered which ones were getting the used cups, probably all of them. Most of the others customers were too old to be students.

When Tracy saw me, she ran over and yelled, "This is my new friend, Hailey, everyone!"

A lot of the girls waved or smiled and kept talking to each other. One came over and said, "Well she only looks half as weird as that person you found this summer, did you finally realize what Blair is?

Tracy said, "Oh, and what do you think Blair is, Heth?"

"Everyone knows she is a dyke, and we were starting to wonder about you."

I said, "Oh, and how do you know what Blair is?"

"Just look at her sometime!"

Tracy laughed and said, "Are you having those strange dreams again, Heather? Sorry, you're out of luck, you're not Blair's type."

Heather turned me and said, "Why would anyone do that to their hair? Are you one those good friends of Blair's too?"

Tracy said, "I love Hailey's hair! It's wonderful! Hailey, come on. She doesn't know anything about Blair, but everyone knows what Heather is."

Heather said, "Well, you keep staying around girl's like that, and Andy'll start wondering about you too, I bet."

"Heather, you're not Andy's type either. So, don't bother your little head about it."

Jojo came into the snack area. If he wasn't supposed to be at this game, it didn't worry him much. He said, "Hey, Tracey, I've got a message for you."

I turned to walk away, but he saw me and said, "Hey, wait. You Andy's new girl friend, aren't you! I want to tell you something too."

Just what I needed! Now the asshole had started a new problem.

Heather heard him. She squealed and said, "Andy has already dumped you! Ha! We knew he would sooner or later."

Tracy said, "Heather, I told you, you aren't Andy's type. Maybe, he didn't dump me, and we're a ménage á trois, and you'll have to just keep dreaming."

"Eww, that's just gross! Jojo, come on. You don't need these creeps."

"Uhh, some other time, Heather. I'm in a hurry."

Once she was gone, Jojo said, "Hailey, right? Look, I'm sorry about this afternoon. We were being jerks on purpose, and it got out of hand. I really didn't want that to happen."

I hate it when assholes apologize. His words came no where close to making up for what had happened, but now I had to be conciliatory too. "I guess I overreacted, Jojo. Andy said I did."

"No you didn't. Who would think even Pike would have done that. I mean kicking you, not just the shit he did to Andy. I thought I could control him, but I can't any more. He will pay, Hailey. I promise."

"OK. -- umm -- Look, Jojo, if you want to make it up, could you tell me what you know about the MacGuffin. Some of my friends are in trouble about that, and they didn't do anything."

It isn't that I trusted him, but even his lies might give me something to go on, and if I had to act nice with him I thought that question could make him squirm a little but, if he squirmed at all, it didn't show.

"I really, really don't know anything about it. Look, all that talk was just to get under your and Andy's skin. And some people thought we took it too. I just hope they find it real soon."

"But you were at the club and something happened, right?"

"The only thing that happened was Pike again. He was farting around with one of the pruning poles while we were trimming a tree, and he broke a window. Then we got the hell out of there. That's all. We're all going to lose at least two week's wages.

"Listen, Hancock is waiting for me, and we need to catch someone before he leaves. Are you'll going to the park? I'll see you there, but that's really all I can tell you. We would help if we could. The thing with Andy's hand sucks huge."

"I might go there."

"'K. So, Tracy, that Luke guy wanted me to tell you, he's waiting at your car. He doesn't want to come down here for some reason."

I said, "He's super-pissed at me. I've made lots of enemies today."

"Not me you haven't, Hailey. Are you really Andy's new girl friend?

I said, "I don't know."

Then Tracy piped in, louder than necessary to make sure everyone heard her. "Yes, she is! And I can't even hold it against Andy. Look at what I lost out to! I love her even though she stole me boyfriend."

Jojo said, "So, Tracy, you really are free now."

"It looks like it for a little while, Joe. But I don't want to start something on the rebound. OK? It wouldn't work, even though you aren't so bad."

He laughed. "Wow! Such praise, I'll remember it always, Trace. You must be something, Hailey. If you get tired of Andy, we'll talk, OK?"

I laughed - OK, it sounded like a giggle - but didn't answer. After he left, Tracy said, "See, I told you he wasn't horrible, just real full of himself like most boys and all jocks."

"Trace, why did you tell people I'm going with Andy? I can't hang out at school like this."

"Jorie, you and Andy deserve the chance. It doesn't have to be for long. If I'm back with Andy in a month, no one will think twice about it. You can go to a couple of dances with him. Don't you want to do that?"

"Oh, Tracy. I don't know."

I didn't know! I liked being with Andy now, but I didn't want to be that kind of friend with Andy at all, but he couldn't be seen with me as my regular self, and --And I had decided not to go out dressed ever again because of Blair. But. -- But, anyway, that was a minor problem compared to the others I had. I could just disappear, and it wouldn't be hard for Andy to explain that.

"I need to get changed," Tracy said. "Do you want to ride with us? I'll get Blair to cool her little jets."

"No, I've got to wait for my new boyfriend you told everyone about, don't I? And I still haven't talked to Mr. Friend. But tell Blair that I'm sorry for asking her to go out like a boy, and that I'm never going to wear clothes like these again."

"No, Jorie!"

"It's not that important, Trace. Can't we be girl friends, even when I dress like a boy?"

"Yeah. Yeah, of course we can! But - OK - it's for Blair, isn't it? I'll tell her you said that."

The second there was no one in line, Lori pulled the shutters down on the snack bar. Four minuets later they were on their way out, and the patio was abandoned. I went to look for Mr. Friend.

I saw him standing next to Jojo's pick-up so I waited at the gate. He must have been reading them the riot act, because it took a long time. Then he went and talked to a cop sitting in a cruiser at the back of the lot, and to a second one sitting in a car on the street near the exit. I guess at a real game they would have been busy with crowd and traffic control, but tonight they had nothing to do.

He came past me almost trotting and, without stopping, he said, "Not yet, Jordan. I have to check on the snack bar. Look for me there in five or ten minutes, and you better make sure you don't miss Andy."

I went over to the locker room door. There were nine girls waiting for boys on the team, four of them were cheerleaders, including Heather, and as soon as she saw me she said, "There she is. That's the girl that Andy dumped Tracy for!"

I just stopped; I didn't know what to expect, but it seemed like Heather expected the others to stone me or something. Instead there was a chorus of hi's and three girls, two of whom knew me in my other clothes, told me their names.

I said, "Hi. I'm Hailey," and that was all the time I had before the locker room door burst open and the boys poured out, and I was being introduced to the players.

Andy came out in the middle of a big crowd, and one of the boys said, "Andy, why didn't you tell us you had some new puttie! -- Just kidding! Just kidding!"

Andy looked shocked, then he saw me and looked happy. "Get some couth, Thompson. And I've had other things on my mind tonight. You know - Football! Now, I have time for other things though."

He put his arms around me and kissed me on my mouth. I knew I had to let him to keep up the act. He didn't try to french me though, though some of the boys had their girl friends. He whispered, "I've wanted to do that so long!" And act or no act, I hit him on top of his head and pushed him away. That backfired. It gave him a smile, and got me a cheer.

One of the boys said, "But she's from Southlake, Andy. We might need to look into your loyalty to the Vikings."

Andy said, "Does Southlake have a football team? I don't think so."

I said, "They do too!"

Which got eight yells of, "They suck," and three shouts of their last year's record.

A boy said, "Southie girls are great for doing your homework though."

One of the cheerleaders, who was hanging on to the running back's arm, said, "Well, we think you're a traitor still, Andy. And we all hate you!" Then she semi-whispered to me, "We won't take it out on you though, you lucky witch. Lunch sometime, OK?"

"'K, I just got a new phone. I'll give you the number next time." Like there would ever be one. I was tugging on Andy's arm; I didn't know how long I could keep this up.

Andy said, "Bye all, Hailey is kind of shy, and wants to see me alone."

"Whoooooo!" said at least one voice in each of the five octaves.

"And I think we all did pretty good tonight, no matter what Coach says."

A few people said, "Thanks, Andy, See ya'." One said, "Don't do any thing I wouldn't do, if you can think of something like that." Another said, "Don't do anything I would do!"

I was pulling Andy towards the snack bar, and he said, "Where are we going, and how the hell did that happen?? Not that I mind."

"I still haven't talked to Mr. Friend yet, and I don't know. That Jojo said something stupid in front of Heather, and then Tracy wanted to burn her, so she said it was true. What are we going to do, Andy? We can't really keep this up. I'll get spotted. And more important!! How's your hand?"

His right arm was on my shoulder, and I started stroking his hand. It only had a splint on two fingers and an Ace bandage.

"It's real stiff and kind of sore a bit, but not terrible. That feels great! Keep rubbing it like that! And, Hail, I think we can work this for a while, if you want to."

I knocked on the snack bar door, but there was no answer, Mr. Friend had already left.

"Andy, I don't want that kind of thing with you. Really. I don't."

"I know, Hailey. It will just be pretend. Hail, do you really think that because I'm gay, all I'm interested in is getting it off. I just like having you around."

"And kissing me. And getting your hands on my things. And it's not because you're gay I think that's all you want, it's because you're a jock that I think that."

We walked back to the parking lot to look for Mr. Friend. He was standing in the middle of it watching the player's cars leave. The cops were doing the same thing from inside their cars.

Andy said, "The touching there thing was just a joke, Hail. I'm sorry, and you notice I stopped when you got nicer. Kissing is nice, and maybe you didn't notice, but you kissed me back."

"Andy!" I said -- then I stopped. I knew I did kiss him. Finally I managed to say, "How do you know you're gay?"

He laughed. "What I dream about even when I try to dream about something else."

He waited for a response, but I couldn't think of one.

He kissed my forehead and said, "I'm patient, Jordan, and I won't hate you if you dreams wind up being something else. Friends?"

I got on my toes and kissed him on the lips -- the way Tracy kissed mine now that she had stopped trying to lick my epiglottis. It was an impulse, and nothing terrible to do; he is nice.

Mr. Friend finally saw us and waved. He started walking our way, and waved to the cop on the street. Half way across the lot, he stopped and answered his cell phone. He was still talking when he reached us and sounded worried and angry.

Into the phone he said, "Just a minute." Then to me, he said, "Jordan, I'm sorry I've been so busy. The first half was better, but the other teacher left, and I had to do everything. At games we have at least five here. Here's the thing, there is an extra spot in Ms Wiggin's English Lit class. I wondered if you would be interested. You'd have to change sections of physics but could still do that as an AP."

"Yes. Yes. I want to do it!"

He smiled. "That would be your fifth advanced placement or honors course, Hailey. That is a lot of work, and we don't let many juniors do that. You might want to take physics or bio as regular classes. You need to discuss it with your parents and we can go over it later."

"Oh, they will be fine. Happy even, Mr. Friend."

"OK. Are you going to be at school on Monday? I need to hurry; this call is something of a semi-emergency."

I said, "Yes. I'm supposed to help with freshman orientation, and watch for future honor society officers for Marlo."

"Great. We will talk then then," he said and disappeared under the stands.

I must have had a giant smile. Andy took my hand with his good one and moved it up and down to make me jump. I did a few times and yelled, "YAY!" Something really good had finally happened today!

Andy said, "You are nuts! You want all that extra work?"

"Oh, like you don't put out stupid amounts of effort for things. And it means the he and the teachers really think a lot of me too, and that means good recommendations to colleges next year too, and. . ."

The lot was empty now and I bounced sideways while holding on to his arm as we went to his car. I was that happy!

He said, "Jump even higher, Jord!"

"Now you're just trying to make my dress fly up, aren't you?!"

"Me? Hadn't even thought of that."

I laughed and hugged his arm.

"But, hey, you did tell me I would see your navel tonight."

We were beside his car now, and I said, "Sorry, I had something to show it off but didn't get to change."

"Well show me anyway," he said, and started trying to pull my hem up.

I slapped his hand away and wrapped my arms around him so he would stop trying. I said, "Some other time. OK?"

He pecked me on the lips, and I sighed.

Once we were inside the car, he stroked my shoulder with his only unwrapped right finger and said, "Jord, you know how jocks can tell when someone is serious about a girl? It's always a girl; we never talk about our boyfriends in the locker room."

I shook my head.

"When someone doesn't talk about hosing a girl that's when it means something, and we know we better not make any jokes about her."

He put the car in reverse and, I said, "Hosing!?"

"Yeah," he said as we rolled across the parking lot, "Hosing, bonking, womping, getting puet, putting it in the pink. You want to hear some more?"

I was laughing and shaking my head.

When he stopped before turning onto the street, there was a loud siren blast. The police car jumped forward to block the exit. The other one was right behind us with its lights flashing. The policeman got out of the front car with his hand on his gun. The PA from the car behind us yelled, "Out of the car! Keep your hands where we can see them!"

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Thank you, Kristina and Daphne, for all the comma wrangling, homophone spotting, advice and support. (I've edited a bit since they saw it, and have probably added more errors. Everyone, the mistakes are not their fault!)

Also, thank you to all those who have read and/or commented. You're the ones that nourish the muse.

The Missing MacGuffin (6) - And Yet More Chapters

Author:

Jan S

Audience Rating:

Mature Subjects (pg15)

Publication:

Genre:

Character Age:

Teenage or High School

TG Themes:

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

Trapped by the police; chased by a raging maniac (or something); trekking through deep, eerie woods on a moon lit night, Jordan continues to investigate...

The Mystery of
The Missing MacGuffin
A Jordan Hailey Story
By Jan S
Yet More Chapters

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17: Rising Action

10:45. Bright blue light flooded the car, then bright red, white, then darkness. Then did it again.

The Case of the Missing MacGuffin was coming to a disastrous end.

No!

It wasn't the time for self-recrimination, not for doubts. It wasn't the time to think about the time I'd wasted. It wasn't the time to give up!

It was the time to plan, the time for action.

"Don't say anything, Andy. I'll do the talking."

He shrugged. "Hey, we haven't done nothin'. No worries." Then he laughed.

I didn't laugh. I had done nothing to get chased ten blocks this morning.

I had done nothing to get followed through town and through the mall.

Blair had done nothing to get hauled in by the cops and questioned.

I stayed cool.

The loudspeaker repeated, "Get out of the car! Now!"

They were going to ask questions. They were going to find out who I was. They were going to call my parents. Pictures would be in the papers. In a sundress. With pink hair!!

I looked out the back window. A spotlight came on to blind me.

One cop was at Andy's door; he held a flashlight by his face and shined it into the car; he kept one hand on the butt of his gun. "Leave the keys in the ignition! Keep you hands where I can see them! Out - slowly!"

Andy stepped out of the car and held his hands above his shoulders. "What's the problem, Officers?"

The cop yelled, "Shut up, and get your hands on the hood."

The policeman still on the loud speakers said, "Christ. He's shooting us the bird, Chuck."

I jumped out of the car and started to run to Andy's side. I yelled, "No! His hand is hurt! He has to hold it like that!! No!"

"Stop! Stand where you are! Put your hands on the hood. Stay on the other side of the vehicle."

I couldn't do all of those things at once but I stopped at the front of the car. "But what do you want with us? We haven't done anything!"

"I said 'shut up'!"

The policeman from the car behind came forward, also with his light shining into our eyes so we couldn't look straight at him. His hand was also on his holstered pistol.

The first cop kicked Andy's feet apart and away from the car so his weight was on his hands, and he was off balance.

"Can't you see his hand is hurt? Don't make him do that."

"Get back to the other side of the damn car!"

The cop patted Andy's back, his arms and chest, his pockets, and his legs, including inside of his thighs, all the way down to his shoes.

He walked around the car to my side. He was going to frisk me! He would feel my breasts and know they are fake. He was going to feel between my legs!

He grabbed my shoulder and shoved me to the passenger side. "I told you to put you hands on the hood. Do It Now."

I did. He kicked my feet back the way he had Andy's. Now the search! The end!

Leaning forward made my dress fall away from my body. He pointed his light down the front of my dress and held it there. Then he pulled my dress back, tight against my stomach. He shined the light down my back.

"He didn't tell me one of them was a girl," he said to the other cop almost laughing.

"You got lucky. I get to do it next time."

"Shut up, Kyle. She'll report us."

"No one will believe her. Get the stuff."

The second cop took the keys from the car and opened the trunk. The first one kept a watch on Andy and me.

The officer at the back of the car said, "Nothing back here, Chuck,"

"Fucking what! Look in the boxes."

"None here."

The first cop went to the back of the car. "Shit - that jerk told me they always had some after games. He's supposed to be the big supplier and might be other stuff here too."

"So, what now?"

"Take out the spare tire. If it ain't there, we take out the back seat."

I mouthed, "What are they looking for," to Andy.

He shrugged his shoulders. "It's a good thing we got rid of that bottle last night."

"Ssshhh!!"

The coaches had come out of the locker room and watched from way across the parking lot. A tow truck was parked in the middle of the lot facing us, and someone stood by the door talking to the driver as they leered. Every car on the boulevard slowed down to stare at us.

Andy started doing one handed pushups against the hood and smiled at me.

"Cut it out, Andy," I growled.

One of the cops yelled, "Shut Up, and Stand Still! Let's tie 'em up, Chuck."

Their flashlights weren't by their heads now, and I could see that their faces were young, and that their badges were tilted squares, not stars. That meant they had less than two years on the police force.

One cop wrapped an arm across my chest and stood me upright. He pulled an arm behind my back and high between my shoulder blades and then pulled the other arm back and crossed my wrists. He wrapped a strap around them and pulled it tight. He kept one hand under my arm pit, wiggling his fingers, as he guided me towards the street, and pushed me down so I was sitting on the edge of the curb with my legs in the gutter. The other cop handcuffed Andy and sat him on the curb ten feet from me.

I tried to fold my legs under my dress, but I was afraid I'd slip off the curb and fall over. Every time I moved the cuffs got tighter. The people in the cars kept slowing down to stare. All I could do to block their view was keep my legs tightly closed and my knees under my chin.

"Let's get the damn seat out."

"I got a half a pint of Jim Beam under my seat if we need it."

"We better find something, now we tied 'em up."

They must have called for reinforcements because I could hear a siren coming closer.

"Hot shit! Look. There's a duffle bag in the front seat, and it's full of bottles. This is it."

"Hell. That's just her purse. It's him we're searching."

Kepperman's pills were still in one of the side pockets! "That's private! Don't open it!"

"Oh, you don't mind. Or we do it at the station."

"I can feel the bottles in it. We don't need her permission. And it's on school property."

"That's just hair stuff! Leave it alone!"

A voice came form the parking lot. "Officers, can I talk to you."

Mr. Friend! Thank God! He would tell these two cops that Andy and I didn't need to be treated like this!

I couldn't turn around to see the parking lot, and I couldn't tell what they were saying, but I could tell they were having a heated conversation behind Andy's car.

"Nothing!" I heard Mr. Friend shout. He was really giving it to those jerks, but good!

The new police car pulled to a stop right in front of me. I recognized Officer Benwell's voice, and it sounded angry. "You two again. I've about had it with you."

I said, "We didn't do anything! Honest!"

Mr. Benwell glared at me and then kept walking towards the other policemen.

Mr. Friend said, "Hello, Lloyd. You here to supervise?"

One of the other cops said, "Benwell, we're doing duty for the lieutenant. Special detail. School report."

"This bag is full of booze, Benwell."

I said, "No, it's not! That's just shampoo."

"Shut up, girlie."

Officer Benwell said, "You two have warrants? What's your probable cause to open her bag?"

"School property -- sanctioned search. Hell, Lloyd, you know it's gotta be in there for her to panic like that."

"I heard that when you stopped this car, you didn't have a school administrator there. Did you, boys?"

"He was over in the buildings. They were leaving. Got one here now though."

I said, "Stop them, Mr. Friend. Don't let them open my bag."

Mr. Friend said, "I don't know. Your report was about the car and driver, not the bag."

"Hell's bells," the cop named Kyle said. "We can tell it's full of bottles. It's illegal for her to have liquor, and double illegal to have it at school. That's probable cause."

Mr. Friend said, "I am sorry, Jordan, but if you and Andy do have alcohol in there on school property, -- and there are a lot of bottles in there, it's obvious -- and I stop them, I wouldn't be doing my job. I think I have to let them look inside. I don't really have a choice at this point."

I looked backwards just well enough to see the young cop dump my bag out on to the car seat.

"Looks like hair stuff to me. Smells awful, but it ain't likely drinkable," Benwell said. "You two started a search without cause or school supervision. You tied them up before an arrest when they weren't giving you trouble. Then you left them right on the street against policy. Head out to the highway. I'll try to keep 'em from filling a complaint on your asses."

One of the rookie cops said, "And lookie here. Some little pink pills! I just wonder what these are." Victory filled his voice.

I yelled, "Those aren't even mine!"

"She's sure scared about them, huh. Going to check them on the computer."

"Let me see those!" Mr. Friend said. "Where did you get these, Hailey? Are these Andy's?"

"No! I found them. I don't know whose they are. Really! Honest!"

Officer Benwell was silent.

I put my head down on my knees and closed my eyes. I didn't know what those things were, but I knew I probably shouldn't have them and that they could use them to take me in.

Mr. Friend said, "Well. This really wasn't on your original report. I don't know if we need to pursue this."

"The hell. Doesn't matter if it's on the report. It was found on the search, in plain sight. I'm looking on the computer."

"But - uhh - it wasn't what you were looking for," Mr. Friend said, "I don't think we need to go into it.

Mr. Benwell said, "Let me look at that. Either of you boys remember seeing pills like this on the bulletins? I know you keep up with those like you're supposed."

Andy started laughing very loudly. He yelled, "Hailey, you lied to me!"

He had managed to turn around and face the parking lot. I gapped at him.

"Those are her birth control pills! She told me she didn't take them!"

"They aren't mine! I mean it! They aren't!"

Andy laughed even louder.

Mr. Friend grabbed the pills. "OK. OK, I think we have embarrassed Hailey enough. You don't really have anything."

From ten feet I could see Andy rolling his tongue around inside his cheeks and across his lips. When he saw me looking at him, he grinned and wiggled his eye brows.

One cop said, "OK, what are the pills, girl?"

"I don't know! They are someone else's. Maybe allergy pills?"

Benwell said, "You've got nothing. Get out of here, and I'll try to keep these two from suing you.

Andy said, "Mr. Benwell, that one was shining his light down the front of Hailey's dress too."

"I was looking for weapons, Lloyd. That's all."

The other young cop said, "We were told it was a sure-fire big bust!"

"Bust?" Benwell said and snorted "You don't want to be talking about busts after what Andy just said."

"We were told it would be more than just a bottle of whiskey," the second rookie said.

Benwell shook his head. "Kyle, go watch the shopping mall empty out. Chuck, go sit on Streke Road and make sure there's no drag races tonight."

"You ain't a sergeant, Lloyd."

"You two want to call the station and ask if that's an idea, or you want me to? Stadium's empty; your duty for the Lieutenant's done.

Mr. Friend escorted the two rookies to their cruisers and off of the school grounds. Mr. Benwell took the straps they used for hand cuffs off my wrists, and pain flooded my hands. I cried, "Get them off Andy! His hand is already hurt!"

"OK. I will, I will. They didn't do those cuffs right either. You keep rubbing your hands and moving your fingers. And hang on to that strap as a souvenir of something you don't want to ever happen again."

I could see Andy wince and grit his teeth when his strap was loose.

"Is it OK, Andy?" I said.

"It hurts like holy hell, Hail," he said, but he had that big grin again. He put his good arm around my shoulders and kissed the top of my head.

I let him do that and leaned my head onto his chest. We had to keep up appearances in front of the cop, right?

"We should show it to a doctor," I said as I rubbed his injured hand.

"It will be OK. I just need a kiss."

I rolled my eyes, but I kissed his bandaged hand to keep the masquerade up for Officer Benwell.

Andy said, "That's not the kiss I meant," and tried to kiss my lips.

I turned my head and slapped his shoulder, but didn't try to get away. Officer Benwell laughed at us.

The second of the rookie's cars peeled out onto the boulevard, and Mr. Friend came back. "No PDAs, you two."

Andy said, "An arm on a shoulder isn't a PDA, is it, sir?"

Still, I pulled away from Andy, but he wouldn't let go of my hand.

The tow truck that had been sitting in the center of the parking lot pulled around our car and onto the road. That Mac guy who had given us a ride last night was driving, and he held his hand up in a pretend wave as he went past without looking at us.

Mr. Friend said, "So what was all that about? What got them on your case?"

"Nothing, sir. Really."

Officer Benwell said, "Those two got a report someone was carrying booze for the team, Arnie. They got the wrong car."

"Was it the wrong car, Andy?"

"My trunk's empty. I don't ever have anything in my car."

Benwell eyed Andy. He knew there was liquor in Andy's car sometimes, because of last night.

Benwell said, "Don't know why they were working this alone anyway."

"Well, that's probably because all the senior officers gripe about doing this job, Lloyd. So, you weren't planning to get drunk again tonight, huh, Andy?"

Andy started then began, "Mr. Friend! I don't. . .", but he remembered that Mr. Benwell knew about last night and said, "Not very often. Really! I've got life plans, Mr. Friend. You know that."

"I know. Well, you got real lucky you didn't have anything for tonight yet. And there wasn't anything else in the car, humm."

I said, "No! Nothing."

"And those pills aren't yours, Andy?"

"No, sir. I didn't know anything about them."

Mr. Friend sighed and pinched his nose. "I suppose you two are going to the park and boast about your big adventure now. You should go home."

Andy said, "We need to talk to people. They will have heard about this, and we need to stop the rumors before they grow. Don't you think so?"

"Oh, right. That's a point. So you will be going to the park then."

I said, "If Mr. Benwell lets us."

"I can't say you can't. I don't see you've done anything wrong tonight, but do stay out of it from now on."

Mr. Friend said, "What else are they into, Lloyd?"

"A lot a' trouble."

I said, "It just hasn't been a good day, Mr. Friend. We aren't doing anything wrong. I'll see you Monday morning then?"

"What? What for?"

"Ms. Wiggin's class?"

"Oh, that honors class. Yeah, we will see all about that next week."

The cop said, "The next time you see me, it will be 'cus I want to see you! All right?"

We nodded a lot and backed away from them. Then we got out of there as fast as we could while driving very slowly.

I put my head on my knees and sighed. "Oh, God! Oh, God!"

Andy rubbed my back and said, "It's all over now, Jor. It's done."

"Andy how could you act like that?"

"Like what?"

"Push ups - screwing around. They were nuts; you could have pissed them off more."

"I wouldn't have gone that far. Really. It was like watching the defense screw up from the sidelines; I can't do anything about it. I get silly, huh? I wasn't that bad."

"Maybe not, but they might have blown up."

"I'm sorry, Hails. I didn't mean to scare you more."

I was still bent over and was sitting on most of the things from my purse. I started to pull them out and said, "Huh? It's not that. I guess you weren't terrible. And thinking of the birth control pills was great, except now Officer Benwell thinks I'm a slut."

"Better than thinking you’re a druggie."

"Yeah. Friend thinks you're an alkie. Do you drink that much?"

"Last night was as much as I ever drink, and not very often. Just to not be too weird around the team. He hasn't told anyone though, or the coaches would have talked to me."

"Ummm. Maybe counselors have special rules. But…" I thought about Mr. Friend. "He stopped the cops from looking up those pills, and he knows I'm not taking birth control pills."

"Well, sometimes boys do."

I sighed. "Yeah. He thinks I'm trans. Probably thought I was gay before."

"Don't worry, you aren't the first at school, Jord."

"And he's not the first to think that, is he? Does he know about you?"

"Yep. Tried to tell me it was a real bad idea one time, without actually saying that." Andy was smiling about the whole thing. That smile could be annoying as hell, and it could be great to see and, sometimes, it was both at once.

I started thinking about the MacGuffin, and why we had been set up with those cops, those particular cops.

"That wasn't mistaken identity, Andy. They said it was someone from the school."

"No. There were lots of people; dads, local booster types; walking around the sidelines tonight, Jordie. Lots of them could have told those cops anything. None of the real coaches would have done that without giving me "the speech" first."

"Do you know Kipperman? Was he there?"

"Yeah. - And yeah, he was."

Andy put his hand on my back and started playing with the string on my dress.

"Keep your hands on the wheel, Andy. They were looking for something more than just a bottle, you know."

He moved his hand. "I know, and you are just no fun at all, and there's a cop about half a block behind us."

I jerked my head around and then jerked it back. "Shiiii! Is he following us? Shhhh!"

Andy made an overly careful U-turn, and I quickly peeked out the back to see the cruiser turn around too. We went into a sub-division of huge houses on small lots. The turns were too close together for us to see if the cop was following. Andy sped up on a very short block, then turned at three intersections in a row.

Instead of another major street we came out on a narrow road that ran beside a green belt. There was no sign of the cop behind us, but when we reached an intersection there was a patrol car there too.

"Andy, get to a store somewhere - a gas station. Before he turns on his siren."

"We're at the park - the back side. If he stops, he'll know there are lots of people watching from the trees"

Andy drove up a dirt road and parked near some other cars and as close to the trees as possible. The cop car pulled in too and stopped right behind us, but no one got out of it.

Andy said, "Just act normal. Don't even look at him."

As soon as we were out of the car, I heard Mr. Benwell call, "Andy. Jordan. Come over here."

I don't know if I felt more relieved or stupid. I know I giggled and Andy laughed.

When we got to the car window, he said, "I got some things to say that I didn't think you'd want that school guy to hear. First, Andy, quit drinking. I didn't know you did that enough for the school to know about it, or I wouldn't of helped you last night. Got that? Never again. Second, don't stay in this park long. Don't hang around looking for trouble."

Andy said, "I haven't ever drank very much or very often, sir. Not like last night before and won't again. You know my father would freak. I don't know where Mr. Friend got that idea, and I have to be home by midnight to take a pill for my hand, so we won't be long."

"'K. Whatever. Now I got to talk to Jordan. Go over there."

Andy walked to the trees and Mr. Benwell said, "I told you to keep Andy out of trouble. You sure have done a crappy job of it."

"Sorry."

He shook his head. "Yeah, I know. So that school guy, Friend, knows you?"

I nodded.

"You go home when Andy does. And I guess you aren't gonna want to make a complaint against those two idiots, are you?"

I shook my head. I was as nervous talking to him as I'd been talking to those other two cops, but I wasn't scared of him, more embarrassed at being scolded.

"Gimme those pills. I don't think you need them for birth control, and if I find out they're what I think they are, I'm gonna have to tell your folks. I know they're good people and don't need you messing up your body and life."

"They weren't in the car. Honest. I think Mr. Friend kept them. And I really don't know what they are, Mr. Benwell. I promise. I just found them. I don't take them. Really. They might be aspirin."

"Aspirin don't have pictures of some sort of snake or something on them, Jordan. I'm gonna keep looking until I find out what it is."

"But I really don't know."

"How did you get them?"

What would a cop think of my keeping the pills? They had definitely been lost behind the seat, but I did know it was Kipperman's truck. And I wasn't sure enough about Kipperman to want to bring the cops in yet. That's not done until everything is certain. I couldn't tell Mr. Benwell the whole story. "I just found them lying around. I was going to look them up. I guess that was dumb. But no way was I ever going to take them."

The officer just stared at me. Finally I said, "Can I ask you something, sir? Has any thing at all happened with the MacGuffin since this morning?"

"Nope. It hardly got mentioned in the squad meeting. And that's another thing -- you leave that alone too. There were two kids we were supposed to watch for, but they seem to have disappeared. You don't know anything about them do you?

I shook my head. "I'm not sure who you mean."

"Stay in the park just long enough to let the kids know you ain't in jail, then leave, Jordan. And forget about the MacGuffin.

"Maggie wants to know when you're coming for those bikes."

"If I can find a ride, I'll do it tomorrow. Is that OK? If I can't I’ll call the diner; it's Big D's, right? Your daughter's clothes are in my mother's car. I'll take them to the diner too. All right?"

"I'm supposed to be working. I'd say 'see you around', but I hope I don't."

--------------------------------------------------------------

18: To a Plateau

I had never been in The Forest of Arden before.

People from all the high schools and even some from the university in the next suburb gathered here at night, and everyone told their parents that they had never heard of the place.

Of course, I'd looked around during the day and, once in eighth grade, Blair and I snuck out at eleven and rode bikes to the park. We only dared to peer into the trees from across the pond though, and that was as close as I'd ever come to The Woods, because it had to be night to be The Woods that everyone talked about.

Andy was waiting at the start of the trail to the clearing. He was already flanked by numbers 87 and 43, the two football players who had chased me away from him last night. They seemed to think they were his body guards, or maybe they just thought they would get the ball more by hanging onto him.

I would have been excited, or maybe anxious, about finally going into the woods, but I was too embarrassed about being scared in the car. I shrugged my shoulders and stuck my tongue out an inch as I walked up. That got me one of those Andy smiles.

Andy put his arm across my shoulder right away and whispered, "Hey, I was worried too."

Number 87 said, "You're that Hailey kid's cousin, huh? Condolences."

"Why's that so bad if I am?"

"Uh - Geek?"

"Knock it off, Blaine," Andy said.

Number 43 piped in with, "And he's got a crush on Andy too."

"Oh! Does he, Andy?" I was laughing. I already knew the way these guys' minds worked, and it didn't bother me, much.

"Alright, Shut Up," Andy said.

The two football players laughed. "Andy's always getting pissed about gay jokes. He's got a gay uncle or something. We're just kidding around, Andy."

"He's OK - funny and smart and always willing to help out and stuff. Those are good things. Don't knock 'em just because you two assholes are the opposite. He's also an athlete. You wish you were as fast and quick as he is, and so does Coach."

"Woo. He's got it bad for you, Hailey - building up your cousin. So you both get called Hailey, huh. I heard how your parents twisted your names up. Bet that gets screwed up all the time?"

"We're not seen together much, so not really."

"I can see why you wouldn't want to be seen with him." Another laugh which I ignored and pushed Andy up the trail.

Ahead of us there were weird lights shining in all directions, and I asked what they were.

43 said, "Haven't you been here lately, huh? There's a burn-ban, 'cause of no rain all summer. People pile flashlights into the fire ring and grills - not that we'd have a fire in August if we could - but since they say 'no'."

A loud group groan came from the clearing, and then came a shout. "I FUCKING AM TOO!!"

"Knock It The Hell Off, Pike! JUST GO AWAY!"

The four of us stopped on the path. 87 said, "Sounds like Pike still has a problem with you, Andy."

"Damn Bitch! Saying She Beat Me Up! I'm Gonna Rip Her!"

"Jojo, Get him out of HERE! PLEASE!" That was Tracy's voice.

Blair came trotting up the path. She was panting and grabbed me and said, "Jordan, don't go in there, or you, Andy. Wait 'til he leaves. He's shit crazy."

Andy said, "I'll go talk him down. Hails, wait here a minute."

"No. I'll talk to him. I'll tell him I didn't say anything about the fight to anyone."

Blair said, "He won't care, stupid! He has to kill the rumor, and that means beat the crap out of you."

Andy said, "Just wait, Hail. I'll take care of it."

"Andy! Your hand is already hurt! Now he knows it's the wrong one. I'm not letting you go alone! And I caused it anyway."

"We'll go keep him away," one of the jocks said.

Blair said, "Andy, just keep Jordan here. He'll try to be a jerk-assed-hero otherwise."

"Screw you to hell, Blair," I screamed, but then we heard a bull elephant coming up the path towards us. Blair pushed me towards the trees and said, "JUST GO!" Then she headed towards the clearing and the sound.

Andy's arm tightened on my shoulder, and I was pulled further from the path. When we were twenty feet away he shoved me against a huge oak trunk and held me there with his whole body against mine.

"Andy, let me go," I said, but quietly.

"No, Jord. Really. Discretion's the better part of valor, and like that." His restraint eased into an embrace, and he kissed my forehead. "Besides, you smell, and taste, good."

"Cut it out!"

The path was full of people and meaningless noise. Pike screamed a cussword every other step. and when he reached the cars he bellowed, "Aaaagh. Suckers. Ran Away."

I heard Hancock. "Com'on, Pike, we got other things to do. Leave it."

The elephant and his followers were coming back up the trail. The noises left the path and entered the trees on our side of the trail.

Andy pulled me deeper into the woods, and deep into some brush. I wasn't trying to go back anymore, not to talk to the maker of all that noise, but Andy kept pulling me.

I heard Pike coming towards our thicket. I knew my baby blue sundress would show up easily if he looked this way. Andy was wearing a boy uniform, olive pants and black shirt. I wrapped my dress close to my body and held myself against him, away from the stampede.

When pike had gone past, we found our way out the other side of the brambles and were beside the country club fence.

Andy sat down. I sat right next to him, and he wrapped me in a hug. I pulled back, and he said, "Jordan, even straight guys need hugs sometimes and, boy, you do now."

I hadn't realized how scared I'd been until I noticed how good his holding me and rubbing my back felt.

He whispered, "I could use a hug too, Hails."

Oh well, no one was around, and whether I did or didn't wouldn't change Andy's feelings, or behavior. I wrapped my arms around him and put my head on his chest.

I stayed like that taking deep breathes until he said, "Better, Jord?"

"Uh-huh. You?"

"Uh-huh." He kissed me, this time on the mouth, not head, and this time he put his tongue into my mouth.

My own tongue touched his teeth, then I pulled my head away quickly. "Andy, don't. I don't -- don't want to be gay."

"Good. But I never thought you were crazy or stupid, pretty bug."

I could still hear Pike thundering in the distance, but I chuckled. "Pretty bug!!??"

Andy laughed too. "I don't know. It just popped into my head. Fits you a lot though, Jord."

I was still laughing. "I like you, Andy," I said as I buried my head in his chest again.

"I think you are the best thing around - except for banana pudding ice cream, of course." He moved his head towards my mouth again.

I sat up and turned away from him. "But I just don't. . ."

"We're not going anywhere you don't want to. I'm sorry I kissed you like that, Jord."

I shook my head hard enough to make my hair swing.

There were twigs and leaves stuck to my dress, and I started picking them off. It was something to do besides look at Andy. The noises coming from the clearing and from the trees was still there but getting softer.

Andy saw what I was doing with my dress and said, "You want help with that? And you promised to show me your bellybutton ring, remember? Besides, how did you fool that cop when he stared at you breasts?"

"Shut up, Andy. --- Andy, it's all - all of this - it's all got something to do with the MacGuffin. Getting chased this morning, the fight with Pike, the cops tonight, and the kid following me." I had to fill him in on the part about me being followed, including the story of racking the boy.

"Wow. You have an exciting life, huh? But it can't all tie in, Jord. It's just coincidence. And why would anyone be setting you up anyway?"

"It's got to be Kipperman, doesn't it? He just saw Blair and me, and needed someone to distract the cops. Right?"

"But that would mean he learned who he saw near the fence. Or he's moved on to a girl who happens to also be you. And how would he know you would be at that shop so that boy could find you? He didn't know you were going to be in my car tonight either. Tons of gaps. I don't see it fitting together. Sorry, pretty bug."

"I'm stuck with that name, huh?"

"'Fraid so." He tried to start a long kiss yet again, and I put my fingers on his lips.

"I'm going to go over to the shed on the golf course and look around."

"I've got to go take that pill for my hand, bug."

"I know that. Just ask Tracy to wait 'til I get back and give me a ride, or I'll just walk home. It's not far."

He shook his head. "Not going to happen. You're not going over there alone. The pill can wait. But you have to show me your bellybutton ring first."

That condition got what it deserved -- ignored. "There won't be anyone there at night, Andy. Don't worry about it, besides I can handle myself, you know."

"No kidding. But, buggie, I don't want you to handle it alone. I'm going if you go."

"No! I won't be 'buggie'. No way. I need something to call you. How about 'Bozo'?"

"Non-original."

"That's OK as long as you really, really hate it."

Lots of tiny burrs, beggar's lice, had gotten all over me. Some of them, and some dead leaves and sticks, had even gotten inside the halter top. Andy was covered in the lice too, but his clothes didn't give them the chance to get on the inside. I was trying to pick the burrs out from the inside without pulling the dress too far away from my body.

"Just undo the top. Boys can see each other's chests, remember. Or I'll close my eyes."

I undid the string behind my neck with a sigh, and laid the top across my lap. I don't know why Andy's grin didn't make the beggar's lice easier to see.

"Those are some great boobs, bug."

"Not really. They don't even have nipples. That cop must not have seen very many, and I bet you haven't either."

"My sister knows I'm gay, or maybe she wouldn't care anyway. That must have been scary as shit, Jord. God, that cop could have. . ." Then he stared at me.

I shook my head. I didn't want to talk, or think, about that. "None of the sticks went all the way through. Still, I bet there are little holes and snags all over the place. Pike's a piece of shit. It's brand new."

Andy started plucking gently at the burrs. "You planning on wearing it again?"

""Well. . ." I held my shoulders by my ears for several seconds before I let them drop.

"You do look good. You like being so cute. Admit it."

"Not that good, and boys don't like being cute."

"They're told they don't, but some do."

"And you shouldn't like these clothes, should you?"

"Yeah. No. Hell, Jordan. I see people in stuff like that, and it does nothing for me. But I know who you are, and it's really great. I say to myself it's not about what's between the legs, but then … it is. Or it is because it's you. Or. . ." He held his shoulders up by his ears until he heard me chuckle.

"OK. See my navel ring?"

He flashed his bright smile again and reached over to touch the pin.

"Don't move it around. It's still tender."

He didn't touch the ring, but softly rubbed my stomach and put his finger in my bellybutton. "I like this. It's not an innie or an outie. It's a tweenie."

"That's just because I'm so skinny. You didn't even notice my ear rings."

"Did too. Pretty -- Cute! Your hips are wider than your waist too. Aren't many that way in football locker rooms, even on the guys that aren't just huge road blocks."

I put my hand on top of his as he kept brushing the inside of my navel. "They aren't by very much. -- Andy, -- Andy, I'm almost sixteen. I know it's weird to be that old and never have - never have done it with anyone. Not, you know, anyone, not anything -- but I just want to wait."

"Why do you think it's all just about that, bug? And I doubt it's that weird for sixteen year olds really. You just believe what too many of them say they've done."

"Yeah. You have though?"

I got no answer.

"Who?"

"A tight end at a football camp. I don't know how we dared make a move or which one of us did."

I laughed. "Is a tight end better than a split end?"

"Shut up, creep."

I leaned on his arm. "Was that just sex?"

"Na-uh. He quit football and lives on the coast, but we write. It wasn't It, but it was something. Second one was an old guy, a senior then, last year. A tutor the coach set up. He was obviously gay, and …

"Huh! The coach got you a gay tutor? He knows?"

"Hell no! - I was bigger, so safe, you know? Anyway, I made the first pass. Thought I could get lessons in something besides algebra I guess, but he wasn't that good at either. Meaning something matters to me. OK? That's all of them, pretty bug, promise."

My new name made me smile still, but then I sighed. I felt sorry for Andy. I was sorry I couldn't be It for him.

He was still petting my stomach, and fingering my bellybutton, when I suddenly heard, "Gees, get a room already, Andy."

I turned around before I remembered to pull the top of my dress up over my chest. It was number 43, and I realized there had been people in the woods calling our names for a while.

"We thought this was pretty damn private."

The intruder turned around. He said, "Jojo got Pike into the back of his truck and hauled him away. Hailey's safe."

"OK. We'll head back."

43 disappeared into the trees.

"Shit," I said, and tried fix my top.

"You worry too much. Hold your hair up."

I do not!" I said as he tied a bow to hold up my halter top. "Andy, I don't want to go back there."

"Because Dion saw your tits? He thinks they're real, and he won't talk because he thinks we're serious."

"Not just that. Because of the Pike thing! And I'll have to talk to everyone. And someone is going to recognize me or something. And now you'd be ruined too."

Andy sighed. "Really, don't panic, my pretty bug. I want to show you off! Anyway, it won't be for long. I've got to take that pill.And we have to make a showing, Jord."

We walked along the fence looking for a way around the thick brush.

"Your hand's starting to bother you, huh?"

"A little. How did you know?"

"You mentioned your pill - twice." I placed his left arm on my shoulder and took his right hand to pet.

He said, "That's the first time you've ever done that, bug."

"What? Rubbed your hand?"

"You've never started a hug, or anything. Just allowed that."

"I've said I like you, Andy, OK?"

He moved his good hand down to my waist and held me tighter, but he was quiet.

I was quiet too. I did like him, and I liked holding his hand, and, and I liked him holding me, and -- Jays H. . . . Crud.

It wouldn't work. It wouldn't work. It couldn't work anyway.

When I saw the lights in the clearing, I got on my toes and kissed his chin. I started walking again and began to try to tell him that, even if I wasn't recognized, or read, tonight, in the dark, it would be impossible for me to keep being seen with him. I was never going to get the chance to best the pet name he had given me.

"Andy, . . .," I started softly, but by then I could see into the clearing, and right near the opening I saw Bobby, the brat who had chased me through the mall, and he was with the other boy and with the bigger ones that had been in the car.

I stopped where the path became wider at the clearing's entrance. "Oh, shit, Andy. It's him. The brat from the mall."

"Jordie, you can't hide. I know! Let's disguise you as a boy!"

"Andy, it's not funny. I just. . . Just go ahead, and ask Blair - Blair and Tracy, to come out here a minute, and I'll go over to the shed now."

"Jord, people will want to talk to you. And I mean it, you can't go over there without me."

"Andy! You have to take care of your hand. I'm not letting you come! Just tell everyone I'm too upset. No. No. . . Nevermind. Bobby Creep won't do anything with lots of people around, will he?"

"You mean Bobby Adams? He's just a freshman, wants to be a linebacker."

"You think that makes him not an asshole? It's different for girls, Andy, and, and more different for, for . . ."

"For boys in disguise? I get it, bug. I just wouldn't have thought Bobby would do that. You don't need to go talk to everyone if you don't want."

"They'll all know I'm hiding in the woods, won't they? So, OK, but then I'm going to the shed and don’t be a pain. Go take your pill, please. I'll be OK."

Andy shook his head fast, squeezed me, and kissed me on the forehead.

I said, "I hate you, Alpha."

"Huh??"

"Well, I hate liking you." I stopped and hugged him just as the path got wider.

"Alpha," he said and chuckled. "Yeah, that's more than bad enough."

"There they are!" someone yelled.

A crowd that had been by the swing set surged towards us. Blair, Tracy, and Cynthia, Andy's big sister, were in the lead. I saw Bobby and his whole group walk the opposite direction, and the crowd reached us just before we stepped into the clearing.

Blair reached me first and put her hand on my shoulder.

Tracy yelled, "Jorie, are you OK! Are you OK!" and wrapped me in a hug

Andy's sister started a private conversation with him in spite of the crowd. "About time you got here, twerp. Where's your phone? Dad's been calling and you are in deep shit. We have to go home."

Lots of other people said lots of other things, most directed at Andy.

I said, "Yeah, Trace, fine." I returned her hug and looked at Blair, who just leered back at me.

Andy said, "What for now? It's his rule I can't leave it in my locker, and I forgot to get it from the car. What did you tell him I did, creep?"

Someone from the crowd yelled, "What did the cops get you for this time?"

Another voice said, "They let you go when the realized you’re a hero?"

"Not hardly," Andy said. "Someone told them there was booze in my car. Of course I would never have something like that, so they let me go."

Cynthia said, "Say 'good-bye' to your adoring fans, asshole, and we've got to get out of here right away."

In a quieter voice Andy said, "So what's up his ass this time, pig face?"

"I'll bet it was some Farrel jerk trying to get you up the creek, Andy."

A voice at the back of the crowd said, "No way. We wouldn't do that kind of shit."

"Yeah. Like you wouldn't stomp on his hand!"

Cynthia said, "Look, piss-ant, you've missed two damn pills. He's afraid you won't be able to work out tomorrow, and he's on me like I'm supposed to babysit your runty ass."

Andy hollered, "Nah. It was just mistaken identity is all." He held up his bandaged hand and said, "Look. I've got to get home and take care of this thing. Really, it was no biggie, guys. I'll get you the details later."

"But what happened with that?"

"What did Pike do really?"

"Did she actually kick his fat ass?"

I yelled, "No. Everything you've heard is wrong. OK?"

"Hailey, you can stay. I want to hear about that."

"No. I need to go too."

Part of the crowd drifted back into the clearing. Andy and I dodged a bunch more questions as we walked towards his car, and soon the rest of the group gave up too.

Blair tried to pull Tracy back, but I grabbed her hand and said, "Wait, guys. Will you come with me to the shed on the golf course? Andy won't let me go alone."

"Aww, is he being all macho-protective of little, sweet, precious Jordie now. And you're still going to be the great big hero - heroine, huh, precious?"

"Get the hell over it, Blair! Just forget you! Tracy, will you help me, please."

Cynthia said, "So, shithead, speaking of bottles, did you steal that Jack I had in the trunk?"

"Yeah, slut, I did. Damn lucky, 'cuz I'd be in jail right now otherwise. We better not leave stuff in there anymore."

"Yeah. Well, I'd sold that stuff, dick lick, and made ten bucks on it. I need the money back, and now."

"Like I got that much, bitch."

"Andy! They're holding stuff from the trunk hostage, and I've got to get it back by Monday."

"So what did you do with what they gave you?"

"I spent it, of course. You drank it - you owe me."

"Cyn, I don't have that kind of cash."

"The score sheets for last spring's swimming, golf and tennis teams were all in there. I was supposed to take them to school on Monday. We've got to get it somewhere."

Blair said, "We had some of that bourbon. I'll give you some money."

Andy said, "I'd need like twenty, and none of you really swallowed it. We'll work it out."

"Don't worry about it. I'm rich right now," Blair said.

"Where did you get money, Blair?" I asked. She never had any, ever. I wondered if she was getting herself into something or something.

"This rich asshole threw over forty bucks at me to pay for nine dollars worth of sushi."

"I did!" My mother must have slipped some into my bag. "Give me the rest back, Blair."

She pocketed the extra cash with a smirk.

Cynthia said, "Great. Thanks. You're off the hook for now, dorkus. You're Blair? I kind of thought so, but I thought people were calling you Luke though?"

"Just messing around," Blair said, sounding a bit worried.

Cynthia faced me and said, "And you, you look like a boy."

Quickly Tracy said, "So do you, Cynthia, but no one ever brings it up."

Cynthia laughed at that. "Not too bad for you, Tracy, but I meant she looked like someone -- like that Hailey kid!"

Blair said, "Yeah. It's that she's his cousin on both sides of the family. Lots of people were talking about it all night. That's all it is. Didn't you hear about it?"

"Maybe the sophomores were talking about it, not us."

Andy said, "We're juniors now, Porsche butt. If you've been a senior since May, it's time you got that right."

"Whatever, scuzz breath. But -- No! It's him! Gawd, cum eater, you've taken your perversion to a whole new level!"

Blair and Tracy both yelled she that she was wrong, and I tried to vanish.

Andy, pulled me closer to him. "If I'm cum-eater, what are you, clit throat? You talk about this and I'll put epoxy - moisture activated stuff - on all of your dildos."

Cynthia was roaring with laughter. She opened the driver's side door and said, "Say 'good night' to all you little perv friends, fagot, and let's get home before the old man blows a third gasket."

Andy hugged me tight, and I let him. I even hugged him back. "What's she going to do?"

"Don't worry about her at all, pretty bug. She won't say anything to anyone. Promise."

"You sure?"

"Indubitably!"

"Good. I hate dubitals."

He laughed at my stupid joke, and I grinned at his laughter. He tried to kiss me, and I whispered, "Not in front of them."

He squeezed me, which reminded me that it was probably too late to worry about what they saw, but even if it was too late to matter, I didn't want Blair - any of them - to see it, to see me like it. I just didn't.

I pulled away from him, and I blushed.

Blair snickered. Tracy chuckled. Cynthia chortled.

Andy sighed and then his smile flashed, but it was a sad smile this time, and then I didn't care what they saw. I hugged him hard. He kissed me. I kissed him harder. I wanted to! I wanted to do it! I wanted to do it more.

But I don't know why. I don't know why I wanted to. I don't know if I really wanted to.

"Are you going to the shed?" he asked.

Still in his arms, and with my arms enwrapping him, I said, "Uh-huh."

"Tracy and Blair going too?"

"Uh-huh."

"We could do it tomorrow?"

"Nah-uh. Too many Sunday golfers, and I don't want to wait 'til night. There won't be anyone there now, alpha. It won't be a problem."

"You know how to get in?"

"There's a hole in the back."

"Be careful, please, pretty bug."

Blair and Tracy continued their snickering.

My blush grew warmer. "I will, alphie,"

He went to his side of the car, looking at me the whole time. Then he looked at Tracy and Blair as he opened the door. I knew he wanted to tell them to protect me and hoped he wouldn't. He knew I hoped that, and he didn't say anything.

Blair knew what he wanted to say though, because she said, "Don't worry alpha dog. Lots of people all night long thought I was a boy, so the Beta dog, will watch out for your pretty flea for you."

His eyes frowned for a nanosecond, but then he flashed his smile and said, "See ya round, Trace, Blair. Tomorrow, pretty bug."

--------------------------------------------------------------

19: Go Over It Again

When the car was gone Blair and Tracy's silly laughter got even louder.

"Just Shut Up Already!"

Blair pretended to try, but Tracy didn't respond at all. Instead she said, "You two make such a cute couple, Jordie. It's wonderful!"

"Can we just talk about the MacGuffin? OK?"

Tracy put her arms around my neck and said, "OK. What is it you want to do, Jorie?"

Blair said, "Yeah, Humphrey, but, so why is this your case anyway?"

"Just go over and look around the shed at the country club, Tracy. See if the MacGuffin's still there."

Blair said, "What? You think Kipperman just left it laying in the grass?"

I almost told her the MacGuffin isn't a chicken, but didn't. "There's a way to get inside."

"Oh boy. Breaking and entering. I haven't committed a felony in months."

"Look, Blair, you don't have to come, all right?"

"No, no. I told your alpha dog I'd help you. Lead on, MacDuff."

She got the quote wrong! We had discussed that before too. She probably only did it to annoy me, so I didn't say anything. Besides I didn't want to talk about MacDuff laying on MacBeth any more than I wanted the laying chickens discussion right now.

"But, Jordan, really, why is this your job? Let the police handle it, is all. This isn't a story book! Do you really think you're a Hardy Boy - or I mean Nancy Drew - or something?"

I used a squeaky voice to out sarcasm her. "No, I don't think I'm Nancy Drew or something.

"You don't have to do it if you don't want to! Blair, you're the one that got pulled in this morning. You're one of the people whose footprints they found last night. You're the person that was wearing the white jacket last night, and that's the clue the cops are looking for. And the cops are looking for me too. But if you don't care, just go away. I didn't want to ask you to come anyway."

I had kept moving as we talked and had pulled them almost to the golf course fence, near where Andy and I had sat down only a little while ago, but it seemed even darker under the trees now than it had then. Maybe it was clouding up, but I could see the moonlight glistening brightly on the grass of the fairways, and each distant copse was a shadow island in an eerie, glowing, pea green sea.

I did want some company and ever since the mall I felt closer to Tracy, a lot closer than I did to Blair anyway. "Tracy, do you want to come?"

Tracy was staring at Blair with moon-dog eyes.

Blair said, "OK, Jordan. We'll do your 'case'. Let's go back to the clearing and talk about it. We should make plans."

"No! I'd have to talk to everyone about everything. I'm going to the shed. Come or go. Whatever."

Tracy said, "Wait, Jorie. Please. If you don't want to go to the fire ring, let's go to Starbuck's and talk. We should talk about it."

"Tracy, we can talk about it on the way to the shed if you want to come. I haven't done enough on it all day."

"But, Jorie, I don't really know what is going on. Can we sit down and talk about what you've discovered."

Tracy was half way sitting next to a tree already, and she tugged on my arm to get me to sit next to her. I gave in, and she moved to be right next to me with one hand petting my hair. Her other hand held on to Blair's wrist, the way she would have held the arm of child who wanted to escape.

"Trace, that's the whole thing. I haven't really discovered anything at all. But the cops, crazy cops, tried to arrest Andy and me. They chased me all over town this morning after Kipperman pointed me out to them. And I'm being followed all over town by those kids. And Pike wants to kill me. It's got to be a huge gang."

Blair stood by us, looking down on us, holding one set of fingers in her jeans' pocket, but she had stopped trying to pull her other arm away from Tracy's grip.

Tracy was rubbing my neck now. "OK. Let's start at the beginning. OK? Someone broke a window, took the MacGuffin, then told the police it was you two."

"Uhh. No. There was glass in the MacGuffin's box. So it was gone before the window was broken, but the window must have been set up to throw the cops off, right? But finding the people who broke it - maybe - we could find out who told them to break it."

Blair asked, "And how do you know about this glass?" I couldn't see her face well in the dark, but I could hear the sneer in her voice.

"I looked in the cop's data base. But they don't even seem to be looking into that."

Tracy said, "You got into the police computers?!"

"Only for a couple of minutes." I didn't tell them how I'd missed that opportunity too.

"Did they say anything in there about you by name?"

"Not me, and only about Blair being confined to home, and for all cops to watch and follow her. Which is a contradiction, huh? That's why she needed to be disguised. And I couldn't find out who told them Blair had a white sports coat, or why the Lieutenant arrested her."

"I don't think that was that Lieutenant. It was this other cop, and she showed up and then they let me go right away."

"But she's in charge of the investigation, and she was in charge of those asshole cops tonight. Was it two guys named Chuck and Kyle that arrested you?"

"I wasn't arrested, Jordan. Just questioned. And I just told them I'd taken the jacket off last night, and didn't know where it was. I didn't mention you. And how would I know their first names?"

"I'm just trying to figure out how many crooked cops there are in on this whole thing. OK."

Blair snorted. "You should be a right wing talk show guy. There's conspiracies everywhere, huh?"

"You explain it then!!"

Tracy cut in. "But, Jorie, we do know who broke the window. It was Pike. Remember, Jojo said he broke one screwing around."

Gaw, he had! OK, well I hadn't really had any time to think about things, had I?"

"But that doesn't sound like a plot or anything," Tracy added.

"Except that he just happened to be screwing around at just the right time."

Tracy was on Pike's side for some reason. "Or the wrong time. It got Kipperman pissed at them."

"But we don't really know that Pike's window was the one in the room where the MacGuffin was. Or, umm, maybe Kipperman didn't want the MacGuffin's disappearance to show up last night. I guess that makes sense. And those two stoners, Syd and Lori, were with them too!" I had just blown off what Lori had said. Stupid.

Blair said, "We don't really know the MacGuffin hasn't been missing for months either."

Blair was just being snide, but she was right. "OK. But if he took it earlier, Kipperman must have hidden it in the shed for all that time. More reasons to go look there."

Tracy said, "Not months. The reason it was at the country club was because of a display for the Forth of July thing, and my brother was joking about them still having the display up, showing it off, last weekend."

"We'll have to talk to Lori about the broken window, and see if it's that one. But if the window isn't a lead, what is? Who ever told them that Blair had that jacket was in on it, but that name wasn't in the cop computer. It just said, 'a friend at Northfield Hi.'"

Blair said, "There's an informant at school! Some narc."

"Yeah."

Blair sat on her heels. She let go of Tracy - even though Tracy was touching me - and started drawing lines in the dirt with her finger. Her wheels were turning at last!

She said, "OK. But that doesn't make it some crazy cop internal affairs thing. They were looking for the jacket anyway. . ."

"That was because of Kipperman. It was on the computer that he reported that."

"So really that just means the cops are hiding the identity of who told them I have a white coat. Nothing there, Jordan."

"But at least some cops are in on it! Those two that chased me this morning and stopped Andy tonight, and that lieutenant."

Tracy said, "Probably not the same cops. They don't work twenty-four seven, and I can't see it being Lieutenant Stern. I mean she really has something up her ass, all right, but it's too far up it for her to go bad."

"And she is Mr. Friend's girlfriend," Blair added, and they both laughed.

"It is weird he would have a real hard assed cop girlfriend. He's always on the kid's side when there is trouble."

"It's weird he would have any," Tracy said, "but he works with the police a lot. Tracking kids on probation and stuff. And, Jorie, he isn't the same for everyone that he is for you, really."

"That stuff he tries to get people into is so they will have good college apps and resumes. He got me into Honors English," I said.

"Ooohh," Blair said, "we are all impressed, and he must be cool then."

"You could be in it too, Blair, if you wanted to be! If you tried! You think being dumb is an accomplishment! But Mr. Friend kept those two cops from checking on the pills they found."

"What pills?" Tracy asked, and I filled her in on the pills I found in Kipperman's truck.

"Jordan! I should have given those back to him. I could get in huge crap for taking stuff from the cars. Let me have them."

"I - umm - Mr. Friend kept them. I don't think anyone will know where they went. They were in a piece of note paper down behind a seat and probably were lost a long time ago. Really, Trace. And they might not be Kipperman's but one of the kids' that works for him. If they were his worker's would you have wanted to give them to him?"

Tracy bit her lip.

Blair said, "Tracy, they are Jordan's estrogen pills. He's just making that up."

"Oh! Shut Up, Blair!" She knew better than that. I think she did anyway.

"So then, Andy told the cops they were my birth control pills."

While Blair snickered I said, "Because they thought I was a girl! And to explain why I didn't want them to find them. And Mr. Friend talked them into not looking them up on their computers."

"Did Mr. Friend know what they were? What did they look like."

Blair said, "Tiny and pink. With a picture of a Siamese dancer on them. Looked like trannie pills to me. You can just tell us, Jordan."

"It looked more like a snake on them to me, and that is what Officer Benwell thought it was too."

Tracy said, "I've never seen any like that."

"OK, look. I don't really think the pills have anything to do with the MacGuffin, right? They might not be illegal, and I'll try to find out on my computer. I was just curious if Kipperman had some deadly disease or something."

"Na-uh. You're right about that. They wouldn't be Kipperman's, not in that little truck. But they weren't X or anything. They might be legal."

Blair said, "So all we really know is the broken window had nothing to do with it. And Kipperman told them it was us, but not why he said that."

"So they wouldn't start looking at him."

"Yeah, we were handy. But the guys that broke the window were handier. Why not them?"

"Because he'd hired them. And because, if the police thought it was them, they still would have looked for it in the shed. He didn't want the cops going there. Which means we should!"

Both of them just stared at me. I jumped up and said, "Let's go!" and they actually followed me.

I marched along the country club fence. The thick brush of the forest on one side blocked out all light. A few glimpses of the sky showed no stars, no clouds, only areas of deep, deep blue-black, which somehow shone with darkness. The thinner layer of trees across the fence allowed frequent views of the expanses of grass beyond. Expanses that still glowed with an eerie green light. Expanses we would have to cross to reach our goal.

Tracy walked with both her hands on Blair's shoulders and arms. Blair moved with her head erect, shoulders back, and arms swinging. They whispered to each other the whole time, and they gradually fell behind me, but they did keep following. This felt almost normal: them together, me with them but apart. But this time I wasn't behind or off to the side, I was leading -- that was different. And it felt sort of like a mutiny.

We came to the passage onto the golf course, a well known hole in the fence, still deep in the trees. I pulled the chain links apart and waited for them. Blair pulled on the other side of the gap while Tracy crawled through. Then she made an elaborate swoop with her arm to say: "You first. I am gallant."

I rolled my eyes, or actually my whole head, but it was probably too dark for her to see the gesture. Then when I was crawling through the hole she stuck her finger between my thighs and jerked it up between my cheeks.

I lunged through the hole and fell to the ground. "Damn you, asshole!"

She roared with laughter like an idiot.

Tracy asked me what she had done, and I said, "The fucking creep goosed me!"

Still laughing, Blair said, "Well, it's an important lesson for you to learn, little alpha's flea. If you wear tiny, baby blue, baby doll dresses, hide your pretty patties. You didn't get to learn that when you were a little girl, huh?"

"Just fuck you!Fuck off!I'm just doing this for the MacGuffin.I don't care what you think.It was your fucking idea!"

"Hey, come on guys!" Tracy said.

I said, "You almost managed to pretend to be human again for a while. Prick!"

"It was my idea to get you out of the park instead of into jail, Jordan. It wasn't my fucking idea for you to run around like that all day, in mini-dresses. It wasn't my fucking idea for you to have a huge cache of clothes in your closet and fake tits too. It wasn't my ideas for you to do this all the time for years without ever telling me or anyone."

"Yeah, well, look how you've acted, and I knew you would be a total asshole bastard, Blair."

"Huh? How could you know that? How? You know, I thought we were friends, Jordan. Stupid idiot me."

"You saw me once and were a total asshole the whole night then too."

"When?"

"Halloween. When I was a bride. Do you think I was stupid enough to go through that again? Even on cross-dress day at nerd camp I kept as far from you as I could."

"I was eleven!"

"Twelve. Seventh grade. That's why I never went trick-or-treating with you again."

"Jord, I thought you would think I was weird if I didn't say things like that. I thought you looked great, but I couldn't tell you that, could I? And I don't want you to stop dressing like a girl either, if you want too."

"Oh, thank you sooo, so much. Like I need your fucking approval, ever."

"You told Tracy you would stop if I wanted you to. That's why I said that, jerk!"

"Well, you know what? That was back when I thought you mattered, I guess."

Tracy broke in. "Hey, guys, come on. Stop. We've got important stuff to do, right, Jorie? Come on."

Blair said, "Well, I don't care if you dress like a 'ho. Why should I? But I don't like trotting along behind you like a minion in some kind of adventure movie - no, it's one of your noir things, right.

"Look I didn't look for all of this. And I didn't invent it. And I didn't like getting chased by squad cars, but I did. I don't like getting followed all over town, but I have been, and someone has been telling them where I'll be all the time, all the effing time. I don't like getting tied up on the street by cops with my underwear showing for the world to look at. . ."

"Underwear!" Blair said with the fakest laugh I've ever heard, "They're Panties, Jordan. You are wearing panties and a super short dress, and you like it!"

…And I don't like it when my friend - someone I thought was a friend - gets their house raided at dawn and taken in by the cops for nothing. And I don't like your shit. Your constant shit. I don't care if you're jealous of me. And I don't care what the hell you like or don't like anymore. Just go away."

I walked off, and I didn't look at them. I worked my way though the trees without turning around. I didn't care what they were doing. Not at all. I reached the edge of the trees and kept walking just under them without looking back. They didn't matter at all. I had to do this, and would alone if I had to. I didn't even glance back.

When I got to a sand trap Tracy kissed Blair, pull away from her, and started trotting after me. Blair watched her and then turned and went back into the trees. Good riddance to her!

Tracy caught up to me and said, "It's OK, Jorie. She's had a bad day, you know."

"SHE has! Tell me about it. But don't -- I don't want to talk or think about her."

"Yeah. She didn't do that well as a boy, and I had to tell Jojo and Hancock about her and that it was a joke. But then Heather Davies came on to her and. . ."

"Yuck!" I said, "But I don't care, Trace. I really don't. Just forget her. You don't have to, but I am. Let's go. OK?"

"Yeah, OK, Jor. We're still BFFs, very best GIRL friends, right?"

I nodded. "If you want."

She grinned and kissed my nose and wiped some moisture from my cheek. It must have been really humid out here. I was sweating more than I thought.

I hugged her.

We stayed under the trees, going the long way, skirting the edge of the florescent sea of grass and holding hands the whole way. Only once did we have to step into the moon light. We trotted over the fairway and gnats and dew lapped around our ankles. When we reached the safety of he trees again we grinned and sighed and hugged each other, but neither of us spoke until we reached the back of the garden shed.

Tracy said, "There's no alarms and no one here right?"

I started to nod.

Someone inside the building screamed, "NO, GODDAMN IT!"

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Many, many thanks to my friends and great betareaders/editors, Kristina and Daphne, and to everyone who has ever commented on a story, mine or anyone's, and to all the patient readers who are still here with me.

The Old Woman by the Bridge

Author:

Jan S

Audience Rating:

General Audience (pg)

Publication:

500 < Short Story < 7500 words

Character Age:

Senior / Sixty+

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

The Old Woman by the Bridge
A Very Short Story
by Jan S

"Keep moving," I said, "you're still on the wrong side. Get across the bridge." I knew that she was tired and wished that I had shown more patience, but what the hell was she doing on foot anyway?

The water was coming and soon. A dam had broken up river; I think half the people didn't believe it could flood on a sunny day, but they were going. I could see the end of the line of cars at last.

The old woman, and she was as old as any I had ever seen, looked up at me and roared with a deep voiced laughter. She kept it up until she started coughing. Finally she said, "I've been on the wrong side most 'a my whole damn life, no reason to stop now, Sergeant. Gotta a cigarette?"

"I don't smoke."

"Kids, all cowards. Been smoking 'bout over seventy years. Still here." Then she coughed some more and reached into her bag and took out a Marlboro.

"Why you bumming smokes when you got some?"

"These got to last. Gonna be crammed into some church hall for weeks. Why they leave you without a Jeep, Sarge?"

"My jobs here 'til the last truck comes through. It would be better if you called me deputy, but I'm just volunteer posse."

One of the roads that intersected just before the narrow bridge was now empty. I decided I could take my first break from directing traffic in almost eight hours.

"I knew that," she said, "Thought I'd make you important. That's not our county's shirts. They bringing in outlanders to chase ol' folks from their homes?"

"Yep. But I just come from the next county over; too much of the National Guard is away these days. Where did you come from? What are you doing on foot?"

"I'as born and I live by the branch 'bout three miles down there," She said pointing at the smaller of the two roads. I decided I didn't want to go to the other side and got off that truck they threw me on."

"Ma'am, you sure shouldn't 'a done that. They're trying to divert water to that creek to save the next dam, it's going to flood too. You got to leave."

"I been on this side too long - too long. Not right they can arrest a person for being on there own land."

"Well, they can't, but they can act like they can. They're just trying to help you; cleaning up bodies is worse duty then evacuations."

"Bastards. And if they do it so they don't have to bury me, then it ain't a favor for me. Never did want this body. I'm going home," she said and stood up.

"Can't let you do that. You're not at your own house now and I'd arrest you as a suspected looter and handcuff you to the stop sign."

"So what do I do? Sit here and drown."

"A deuce-and-a-half will be by in a bit. I'll get you a seat in the cab this time.

"That one of those big trucks they put me on when they pulled me out of my house? -- I don't want to go to the other side anymore."

The old bat coughed again and sat down in the middle of the highway. She took out another cigarette. I decided to ignore her. What the hell, no more cars were coming; it looked like an evacuation had worked for once.

After a few minutes she said, "My cats; they made me leave my cats. What'll happen to them?"

"Cats are clever; they'll head for some where high. They might be on their way to the hills already."

"They were still on the porch when I left. They're homebodies like me. Don't want to go to the other side. Too many nosey people there."

"You mean you've spent your whole life in the bottoms; never been across the bridge?"

"Oh, hell no. I got out when I was sixteen, when people figured out I was on the wrong side, and didn't come back for forty five years, and most people had forgot me. Went to the city. Then I followed a beau to Spain. That was in '36. You know about Spain in '36, Captain?"

I nodded and she went on. "I was on the wrong side there too. Of course, it was the right side until about twelve, fifteen, years later; funny how the right side to be on can change isn't it. Hell, sometimes it was hard to tell which damn side we were on in that fight."

"You don't look old enough."

"Welll, you're grandmother taught you right! I was born on November 10, 1918. You know what the day after that was?"

"Sure."

"Born the day before the end of the Great War. That's what we called it until others came along. Had an uncle in that. He always said if that was a great war he'd hate to see a bad one." She tried to laugh again but coughed instead. "That war killed him. Didn't bury him for another thirty years, but the Huns got him right in the liver. I didn't go to the funeral. He was the worst of the bastards when they figured out what side I belonged on. Don't matter though. Don't bother going to my funeral, Lieutenant, I won't be there either."

She didn't say anything for almost a minute, then she asked, "So you believe I had a beau back then?"

"I'm sure you had lots; bet you were a beauty."

She managed a laugh and said, "No, not a beauty, might be called cute these days though. And not a lot of beaus either, have to be careful when you were born on the wrong side. Even back then. Know what I do? I run a piece of steel across my face everyday, usually two or three times a day. It tightens the face up and keeps me less wrinkled. All women should do that; I started when I was just a kid. -- Never saw battle did ya', young man?"

I shook my head. Why wouldn't she just shut up?

"Ain't missed a thing," she said. "Madrid and Barcelona. What a mess." Then she coughed some more.

"Must have been hard on a woman." I said.

"Oh, I was in disguise. Nobody had time to care. That boy I followed got killed in Barcelona; don't know who did it, weren't any sides left by then, the price of politics. A boy I knew after that joined the Canadians in '39. Heard he went a bridge too far and didn't come back. We all cross that bridge. Get old and everyone else is across that bridge where there are no disguises.

"All these green trucks and convoys have made me ramble like an old bitty, huh Major?"

I didn't answer but walk into the empty intersection to listen for the truck. She pulled out another cigarette and coughed. She yelled at me, "These things haven't killed me yet, Sarge. Don't do things figuring you'll be dead before it matters, 'cuz you might not be. So, you think my cats will be OK?"

I couldn't hear the trucks. I nodded as I walked back towards the old woman.

"At least they will get to decide which bridge to cross; won't have to go to some packed evacuation center where people will be asking what side they belong on.

"I stayed in the city for over forty years; I learned it was best to stay low in Barcelona, but in a crowd things get noticed. I been out of disguise for nearly thirty years. Since my sister died and I got the house. I figure, if I have to cross a bridge today it should be my choice which one, Auxiliary Deputy, sir." She stared at me.

I walked to the other end of the bridge. When I heard the truck coming I flagged it down and had the driver park across both lanes.