Arecee
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Arecee
Arecee's Story Collection
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I hope that you find my writings entertaining and worthwhile. I'm always looking to push the boundaries on what I am capable of doing and try to express that within my works in quality and feel. Please leave a comment if you found one of works really worthwhile.
Assassin
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Available on Kindle Author Richard Carlson
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By Arecee |
Being Popular
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By Arecee
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This is the story of a young man who tries to find popularity and finds something else more important in life, his true self. Enjoy.
Popular: approved of, being accepted, example, a popular girl
Jason Randall scanned the help wanted adds until his eyes fell on “the add”.
“Positions open for self motivated persons with an expanding import export company, MBA required. Starting salary 96K. Phone 800 567 8765, ask for Mr. Larson.”
Jason went to the phone and called the number listed.
The phone rang and a woman answered, “Quantum imports, may I help you?”
“Yes, may I have Mr. Larson?”
“One moment please, transferring.”
“Hello, this is Tom Larson.”
“Hello Mr. Larson, my name is Jason Randall and I’m answering the add listed in the paper and was hoping the position was still available?”
“Yes there are still two openings available as we have already filled five placements. Tell me a little about yourself and if I like what I hear I will have you in for a formal interview.”
“Well I graduated from the University of Iowa just this last spring with top honors. I’m one month shy of my twenty first birthday and I would really like to have this job.”
“Did you say your just shy of twenty-one?”
“Yes sir.”
“How did you get an MBA at such an early age?”
“I was an exceptional student and skipped two grades when I was young. When I entered high school I was only twelve years old, which made interaction with the other students rather difficult. As a result I spent most of my time studying and entered the university when I was sixteen. The other students being older than me didn’t want a young teen at their parties so I once again found myself studying to pass the time. I was able to interact with the students in class but as far as social events were concerned I pretty much kept to myself and as a result I have my MBA.”
“You sound like a person that we might be interested in, can you come to Chicago this Friday for an interview?”
“Yes I can, what time?”
“Is nine AM too early?”
“No that would be perfect, see you then,” Jason said as he hung up the phone.
Wow this is so cool, an interview already and I just graduated Jason thought to himself, what should I wear, I know, my gray suit, I wonder if it still fits?
Jason entered his closet and found the suit where he had hung it three years earlier. He removed his jeans and shoes and tried it on. Damn it fits perfectly, he thought. Jason was hoping that he had out grown the suit.
Jason was a young man that never really grew very tall or large. Because he was so young in school he was always small compared to others in his class. Even as he grew he never really caught up to the other boys in stature, he didn’t become a manly man. If one were to describe Jason one would have to say that he was delicate. Jason always wanted to be thought of as rugged or chiseled or a strapping youth but it wasn’t to be, his mother would say things like, “you have delicate features or you have a petite build.” This wasn’t to say Jason was effeminate, he was just a thin man with if you will pardon the expression, delicate features. Jason also wasn’t very well liked in school. The older students didn’t pick on him other than with the nicknames like twig or midget, things of that sort but they were never physically abusive. The only times he had problems was when there were dances. No one would go with him until he had turned fourteen and then because he was so petite the only girls that would go to the dances with him were, shall we say the least popular. Jason wasn’t able to take the pretty or cute girls but the ones that were having problems with their weight or were tall and skinny, the ones that in a few years would become models but hadn’t filled out yet. Even after he had gone to dances with the girls they didn’t want to date him again, he was just too young looking, too small, too delicate. It was a high school thing that turned kids into killers or turned them into a stronger person and in this case Jason became a strong person. Sure he wished that he had been popular but on the other hand he knew that some of the popular kids would end up staying in their small town in dead end jobs and try to recapture their high school popularity and did not realize that once it was gone, it was gone.
Jason flew to Chicago and met with Tom Larson and was given the job and his choice of locations, Long Beach, California, or Houston, Texas.
“I think I will take Long Beach, I always wanted to see California,” said Jason.
“Well good luck young man, we will expect to have you on the job in two weeks. I don’t think I mentioned it but we are also providing you with a five thousand dollar moving allowance. This should make it easier for you to get settled when you arrive in California. Let me know when you arrive so I can alert your new employees.”
“Thank you Mr. Larson.”
“Call me Tom.”
Thank you Tom, I’ll be talking to you.”
Jason left Quantum and felt like dancing in the street. Wow I have a job and a good one at that he thought, I can’t wait to start.
Jason flew home and informed his parents of his good luck and of the fact that he was moving to California.
“Jason are you sure you want to do this?” asked his mother.
“You’re kidding, aren’t you mom?”
“No I’m not, you’ve grown up in a small town and this is a big leap, you’ve seen how those people are out there, they’re all crazy, skating around half naked and all the women have breast implants that look like melons and collagen lips and well you know I just don’t want you to change, you’re such a nice boy.”
“Mom, I’m not a boy anymore, I’m a man and I have to do this or I will remain a boy forever, trust me nothing is going to happen.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course I’m sure and besides where around here would I start out making 96 thousand dollars a year plus a 5 thousand dollar moving bonus, don’t worry, I’ll be fine.”
“I hope so, I want you to call me every once in a while to let me know how you are doing.”
“I will mom, don’t worry I’ll be fine.”
Jason tied up all his loose ends and moved to Long Beach the following week. He was able to find a nice apartment near the beach. He had wanted one on the beach but even making 96K the amount of money required for such an apartment seemed a stretch. Maybe next year he thought.
Jason really had nothing to do so he started work a week early. His offices were near the docks in San Pedro and when he arrived he was surprised to find a small warehouse with a glass front. He walked through the front doors and was greeted by a young woman.
“May I help you?” she asked.
“Yes, my name is Jason Randall.”
“Oh my God you’re the new manager?”
“Yes I believe I am.”
“Come in here, let me show you to your office. My name is Betty Rosen. This branch just opened and I’m new here myself. After you get settled I will introduce you to the other employees.”
“Thank you Betty,” replied Jason.
Jason followed Betty to his new office. He couldn’t help notice what a cute little thing she was. Betty was only four foot eleven inches tall and looked like she weighed ninety pounds. She sure wasn’t one of those buxom beauties his mother was worried about.
“Here’s your office,” she giggled with nervousness. She had expected a much older man, not one that looked like he could be her younger brother. The office wasn’t what you could call the lap of luxury; it had windows that overlooked the parking lot and not much more. Tom Larson had explained to him that this was a new branch and they would have to see how it performed before they committed to nicer facilities. Jason wasn’t disappointed because this was much nicer than college and it was his first real job.
“Thank you Betty, how long have you worked for Quantum?”
“I was hired three months ago. I was the first employee in this area.”
“Are the people nice to work for?”
“Very nice as long as you do your job.”
“That’s good to know.”
The day progressed and Jason got to know a little more about Betty and the four other employees. Betty it seems was married to a man whom she met while attending college. She was twenty-four and had been married for two years. Her husband was a carpenter and they had no children yet, but were working on it she giggled. Jason noticed that she giggled a lot and was very perky around the office, no wonder she was so thin he thought.
Jason settled in and time passed rather quickly. The job he had was exciting, tracking goods and making a profit for the company. Unfortunately he didn’t have much time to socialize, as he had to work quite late many nights.
About four months had passed and Betty entered his office to ask him for a big favor.
“Jason, could I ask you to do something for me?”
“Sure Betty, what is it?”
“Well, I’m getting together with a bunch of kids I went to school with for a costume party and I need a date and I would like to know if you would go with me?”
“Me? Why not go with your husband?”
“Because the company he works for has a large building project that has to be finished and he has to work over time so they can finish on time and can’t take me. I asked him if he would be all right with you taking me instead and he said yes. You can dress at my house before the event and meet him so he won’t get jealous.”
“Okay, that sounds like fun, how do we have to dress?”
“Everyone has to dress as a famous couple, like Superman and Lois or Spencer Tracy and Catherine Hepburn or Roy Rodgers and Dale Evans. They award a prize for the most original and I was hoping to win this year.”
“Who do you want to go as?”
“I was thinking about Xena and Gabrielle.”
“You want me to be Xena?”
“Yes, you would be great.”
“What makes you think I would even consider dressing as a woman?”
“You really won’t be dressed as a woman but as a character, it won’t be that bad, Xena was kind of a macho girl and she even got to kiss Gabrielle once in a while, not that I’m going to let you kiss me and it won’t be that hard to do, you won’t have to wear heels or have big boobs, all that really shows are your legs and your shoulders, it will be fun.”
“I guess I could do it as a favor to you and it will give me an opportunity to get out of the office for a while.”
“Oh thank you Jason, were going to have so much fun, and don’t worry I won’t make you ride a horse,” Betty giggled.
The day of the party came and Jason went to Betty’s home to get into costume. Betty had rented the costume from one of the many costume shops in the L.A. area. Jason was worried that it wouldn’t fit but Betty had described Jason to the clerk and he had assured her that it would fit nicely. Jason removed all but his boxer shorts and tried on the costume.
“Wow Jason, this fits perfectly. Thanks for coming over early so we could try it on. We’re going to have to do a few things before we go however. Your legs look very nice except Xena didn’t have hairy legs so you will have to shave them and your underarms also. These boots should fit you but you can see your legs from the top of them up to your hips. You will also have to get rid of your boxers because they hang out and you can see them under your skirt and don’t worry about your breasts because the costume is very hard in front and it will look like you have them.”
“I can live with shaving my legs and underarms but all I have is boxers.”
“Don’t worry I’ll think of something, go take a shower and shave and then we can get dressed.”
Jason entered the shower and lathered and shaved his legs and underarms and did his face at the same time. Jason wasn’t a real hairy person to start with and only shaved his face every five days. When he finished he exited and dried himself off. Staring at him was a pair of panties, not overly feminine but they were panties none the less.
“Do you want me to wear these panties?”
“Yes and when you have them on I have a control device to hold you in so you look like a girl.”
Jason slid the panties up his legs and notice how smooth they were. He felt his penis twitch as they fell into place. That’s not a good sign he thought. He definitely didn’t want to get an erection especially in front of Betty, calm down he said to himself.
“Ooh your legs look great, here put on this girdle,” Betty giggled.
Jason put on the girdle and tucked himself away. Betty asked him put on the costume and then had him sit at her makeup table.
“I’m going to do your makeup and then I have the perfect wig for you to wear, your legs look great in that costume?”
“Thanks, just what a guy likes to hear.” Jason said sarcastically.
‘Better to have them look nice than all hairy.”
Betty proceeded to make Jason up and put on the wig. When she was finished she stood back and admired her work.
“Not bad, not bad at all, you look pretty nice. It’s too bad you’re a guy or I would have liked to have plucked your eyebrows but that wouldn’t fly at the office even though you are the boss, take a look.”
Jason looked at his refection in the mirror.
“Oh my,” he stated, “I do look pretty good, I look like a girl.”
“I must say I did do a good job on your makeup, lets go show you to my husband and see what he thinks.”
Jason walked out into the living room where Betty’s husband was watching a football game on TV.
“Ron what do you think of Jason’s costume?”
Ron turned and said, “Wow, you look really hot, for a girl I mean.” Ron looked and looked again, yes Jason did look hot for a girl, but then again Xena had been one of his favorites when he was younger as she had been with so many other young boys. Ron also curtailed any notion that he had to worry about his wife being out with Jason, he was just too pretty.
Betty went and got ready and she then drove both she and Jason to the party. She felt it would be best if she did the driving, as it might be a little embarrassing if they were to be stopped by the police.
Jason and Betty arrived and exited the car. Betty asked Jason to walk for her.
“Jason please take smaller steps, Xena was a super hero but she was also feminine. I don’t expect you to turn into a girl overnight but just a few things will help, like your walk. Make sure you place one foot in front of the other, there you go, much better.” Jason felt foolish walking this way but no need to make it obvious that he was a man.
The couple entered the hall and as soon as Betty’s friends saw her they ran up screaming.
“Betty you look great and Xena you’re perfect, I love your costumes.”
“Thanks Jenny, you look great too.”
“You and Xena are the best costumes I’ve seen all night, you might win.”
“I hope so,” replied Betty.
Jason and Betty enter the room and much to Jason’s surprise there were many people there. He was introduced to many of Betty’s friends, only he was introduced as Xena and not as Jason. He found that he was enjoying himself much to his surprise. As the evening wore on dinner was served and then there was dancing afterward. Xena was a big hit with everyone especially the guys. Jason was getting the attention he had never had in his whole life. The music began and before he could react he was asked to dance by one of the men. He looked panicked not knowing what to do.
“Go ahead and dance with him Xena,” said Betty.
“I don’t dance well,” Jason said.
“Please dance with me, I don’t either,” said the man, dressed as Bogart.
Jason thought, how can I get out of this but since the music was fast, he thought why not, so he relented and followed the man to the dance floor. He began to dance and soon found that he was having fun. Much to his surprise he found that not only had this man asked him to dance but guys were cutting in to have the privilege to also dance with Xena. Xena was having fun and she was popular. This was a new experience for Jason, being popular, being wanted, the only thing he didn’t like was that he was wanted by men and not women but the feeling of popularity was having an effect on him and he liked this new feeling. After a while he started to tire and wanted to rest so his latest dance partner escorted him from the floor so he could sit and rest.
“Would you like something to drink?” asked Superman.
“That would be nice,” answered Jason. Jason didn’t have a very low voice so he sounded like a girl to the young man.
“What would you like?”
“Anything would be fine.”
The man left and returned with a gin and tonic.
“These are very refreshing,” he said.
Jason reached for the glass and felt the man’s hand linger on his fingers as he was handed the drink. Yuck thought Jason, don’t touch me like that, how disgusting.
“Thank you,” said Jason, “How much do I owe you for it?”
“Don’t be silly, what kind of man asks a pretty girl to pay for her own drinks?” He asked.
“Thank you.”
“Are you one of Betty’s co-workers?” asked the man.
“Yes, actually I’m her boss.”
“Really, what do you do?”
“I’m the branch manager for Quantum Imports.”
“Well it’s nice to hear of a company that isn’t afraid to have a woman running things for a change.”
“Yes it is a nice change.”
God this guy is trying to hit on me thought Jason, I have to get rid of him.
“I have to go find Betty,” stated Jason.
“I’ll go with you,” said the man.
“You don’t have to.”
“I’m not going to let the most desirable girl here out of my sight, let’s go.”
The man reached to take Jason’s hand to help him up. What do I do now he thought, be rude and ignore him or just give in and let him take it, I guess it won’t hurt me to touch his hand but that’s it, no more than that.
“Thank you,” Jason said as he was helped up.
“My pleasure.”
Now Jason had another problem, the man didn’t let go of his hand.
“Come on let’s see where she is,” said the man as he pulled Jason into the outer hall.
Betty was soon spotted and the couple went to her.
“Betty why didn’t you tell me you had such a beautiful boss?” asked the man.
“Oh, hi Bill, I see you’ve met Xena. I didn’t tell you because you’re biggest flirt I know.”
“Well next time don’t keep pretty girls like this a secret from me, some one this pretty might make me settle down.”
“Bill I swear you’re the worse. It’s getting late and Xena and I have to get home because my husband will wonder if you finally swept me away.”
”Well as long as Xena is around he won’t have to worry about that.”
“Come on Xena time to go home, nice seeing you Bill.”
“Good night girls and nice meeting you Xena, by the way what’s your real name?”
Oh shit he wants my name thought Jason, he bought me a drink and he might have a problem that I’m a guy dressed as a girl, think, think, what name can I use?
“Tiffany.”
“Well it’s nice to meet you Tiffany,” said Bill as he lifted Jason’s hand to his lips and kissed the back of it before he let go. Jason almost peed his panties at this point, oh shit, oh shit, let go, please, thought Jason.
“Come on girl friend let’s go,” said Betty.
Jason and Betty went to Betty’s car and when they got in Betty went crazy and couldn’t stop giggling.
“Oh my God if I didn’t see it I wouldn’t have believed it, Bill thought you were a girl, that was too funny, he’s a nice guy but such a flirt, did you have fun tonight?”
“I have to admit I did. Life is so different when viewed from a girl’s perspective. I’ve never had attention like that before, there was something magical about it.”
“You’re not falling in love are you?”
“Gag, be serious, I thought I would pee my pants when he took my hand and help me up and then he wouldn’t let go. I meant that it felt nice to be popular for once in my life.”
“Well if you would get out more often and meet some nice girls you would be popular, I know some nice clubs you can go to, just get out once in while and you’ll see.”
Jason and Betty arrived at Betty’s and Jason removed the costume and Xena was gone. Much to his surprise he rather missed being Xena or the popularity of being Xena. Maybe he would do as Betty suggested and go to the clubs and maybe he would find popularity there.
Several months passed and Jason found his way to the clubs every weekend. Each time it was the same old story, he would ask a pretty girl to dance and it was always the same, “No thank you, I have a boy friend or I’m sitting this one out” The guys were all buffed and handsome and had no trouble getting a dance while poor Jason never did and he knew why, it was because he was, well, “delicate.”
Jason was sitting at his desk one day looking morose when Betty entered his office.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“It’s nothing.”
“Come one Jason I know you better than that, I know when something is bothering you.”
“I don’t know Betty, it’s just that I’ve been going to the clubs and I can’t even get a dance. I was just remembering how popular I was when I was Xena and the fun I had, I just miss that feeling.”
“Don’t let it get you down, I’m sure things will turn around, now let me see a smile.”
Another week past and Jason was still in the dumps.
“Jason, I can’t stand this anymore, I’ve got to cheer you up.”
“I’m sorry Betty there really isn’t anything you can do unless you have a girl friend that will go out with me or we went to a costume party every night and I was Xena again.”
“Wait a minute, hold that thought, I can’t think of any girl friends but maybe you have something there. You obviously can’t be Xena every night but you could be a girl and be popular again.”
“I don’t want to be a girl, I just want to be wanted and accepted.”
“You would be wanted.”
“Wanted by men, no thanks.”
“But you would be popular and besides all you would have to do is go dance and have a little fun for a change and get that gloomy look off your face.”
“I don’t know if I could do that and interact with men that way.”
“It would just be dancing and I would be there with you to make sure nothing happened that you didn’t want to happen, come on lets try this weekend and see what happens.”
“Let me think about it, you’re sure I would be safe?”
“Of course, you will be with me and Ron and he will protect you, so don’t worry, everything will be fine.”
“I’ll think about it.”
Jason thought about Betty’s suggestion for several days and finally decided he would do it, he would go out as a girl against his better judgment. The next day Jason told Betty of his decision.
“I was hoping you would decide to do it, this is going to be so much fun, you wait and see. I’m going to have to get some clubbing outfits for you and make you over. This will be a little work but I know you can handle it. This weekend I want you to come over to my house and we can get started. Tomorrow I will measure you so I can buy a few items to start with and then after we try this and go out one weekend and if you like it, we can go shopping for a real wardrobe.”
The next day Betty measured Jason and determined that he was a size eight and had a thirty-four inch chest. He wore size five men’s shoes so she determined that he would wear size seven in woman’s shoes. She asked Jason for some money to shop with and told him to come to her house on Friday right after work.
Friday came and Jason’s stomach was churning all day. I hope I’m doing the right thing he thought, what if people think I’m gay, I’m just dressing like a girl to go dancing, I don’t even want to hold hands, I just want to dance. By the time Jason reached Betty’s house he was a nervous wreck.
Jason rang the doorbell and Betty opened the door and pulled him inside.
“Hurry come on you have to take a shower and shave like you did last time. This is going to take some time so hurry,” Betty said excitedly.
Betty’s excitement seemed to calm Jason so he went and showered and shaved, then exited the shower and dried himself. Lying on the counter was a pair of satin panties which seemed much more feminine than the last pair he wore.
“Betty,” he called, “Aren’t these panties awfully feminine? What happened to the last pair I wore?”
“They’re supposed to be sexy and they are really an undergarment called a gaff. When you put them on pull yourself back and tuck your balls up into your body. When you do you will look like a woman.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because that’s what they said when I asked for instructions when I ordered it.”
“Where did you find it?”
“I went on line and bought it from Glamour Boutique.”
“What kind of place is that?”
“A place that men can go to get help to dress, now hurry up we have work to do.”
Jason did as he was told and when he did he did indeed look like a woman from the toes to his belly. Jason entered Betty’s bedroom.
“You look great, now come over here so I can put on your bra.”
“My bra?”
“Of course silly all women wear bras so their breasts don’t sag.”
“I don’t have any breasts.”
“You do now, open that box on the bed.”
Jason opened the box and saw two breasts staring at him. He picked one up and felt it quiver in his hand. When it did he gasped and dropped it on the bed.
“What in the world are those things?”
“Silicone breast forms. I want you to look and feel as much like a girl as possible and having nice breasts is the fastest way. Don’t complain too much, they cost a fortune. Now come over here and let me show you how to put your bra on.”
Jason let Betty put his bra on and insert the forms. He couldn’t help notice the weight of the forms.
“These are kind of heavy aren’t they?”
“They weigh the same as real breasts, now you know what women go through for their whole life because real breasts don’t just come off. While I was out I picked up a club outfit for you so you will be able to practice in what you will be wearing. This is a camisole; it goes on under your blouse so that it doesn’t cling to you. Besides that a camisole is sexy and guys love looking at a pretty girl in one. I bought this skirt and blouse for you. The skirt comes to mid thigh and the blouse is high enough that it won’t show cleavage but low enough that guys will try to see your breasts. Sometimes it is sexier not to see something than to actually see it. I also bought you a wig that is cut in a short style, it is cute and sassy, and the guys will love it. I’m going to make your face up now and while I do I want you to pay attention to what I do so you will be able to do it yourself with practice. Tonight I’m going to have to pluck a few strays from your eyebrows, when you were Xena your brows were fine but if you are going clubbing they will have to be shaped.”
Betty started to pluck Jason’s brows, just a little but enough to make them feminine looking. She then applied his makeup, put on his wig and had him face the mirror.
“What do you think?”
Jason looked and looked and then he looked some more. He didn’t see a boy looking back but a cute girl, one he would have been proud to dance with. She wasn’t going to be a model or a movie star but she was cute.
“Wow Betty, I look like a girl.”
“”You’re supposed to look like one, I didn’t think you wanted to look like a boy with a dress on. Now lets put the rest of your cloths on and see what we have.”
Jason put on the camisole, blouse and skirt.
“Oh shit, I forgot, here put on these panty hose and then I have a pair of heels for you to wear. Sit down and I will show you how to put the hose on, like this, roll the legs down to the toe and then roll them up your leg like this, see how they stretch, perfect, now the shoes.”
Jason slipped on the shoes, a pair of black pumps with three-inch heels.
“Now stand up so I can inspect you.”
Jason stood and promptly fell on the bed.
“How am I supposed to stand in these?”
“Stand slowly and try to balance, don’t jump up like a guy, that’s why women rise elegantly when they stand, because of the heels, now try again.”
Jason tried again and he was able to stand by himself. Betty asked him to walk toward her. Jason tried, so help me God he did try, but what a disaster. Clump, clump he went feet apart sliding and lifting and clumping all the while trying to balance himself on the tiny heels.
“Oh my God Jason you’re a mess, this won’t do. Sit down and watch me walk, see small steps, one foot in front of the other, balance on the balls of your feet, use the heel to rest your calves, not to walk on or you will break an ankle, now stand and try it again.”
Jason stood and did as Betty told him to do; he took tiny steps, walked on the balls of his feet rested with the heel and one foot in front of the other. Jason definitely wasn’t going to get a modeling contract walking the way he was but it was better that the first time he tried.
“That’s much better Jason, however there are a couple of other things you are doing wrong. First when you sit down keep you legs together, you are showing the world your underwear when you sit and when you get up your legs are to remain together, remember you are a woman now not a guy so if you stand like you just were, it will be like putting a sign on you that says “man”. I think we had better practice making you a lady for now and then we will decide when to go dancing.”
Jason practiced all day and was pretty good by the time the day ended, but he still needed more practice, especially walking. Sometimes he would sway too much and other times he walked too much like a man.
“Jason, I’m going to video myself walking and I want you to take the tape home and watch what I do and then tape yourself and compare what you do to what I am doing. When you look like me when you walk it will be time to go dancing. You can take your clothing home so you can practice looking like a girl and while you’re at it practice doing your makeup. You had better change before you go home, I don’t think your neighbors would understand a girl going into your apartment while you were away.”
Jason changed back into his boy clothes and felt a twinge of disappointment, he liked the way he felt when he was dressed as a woman, his boy clothes felt so, how could he describe it, rough, plain, not sexy, dull, he almost wished he could wear his clubbing clothes home.
“Thanks Betty, I’ll practice and maybe I’ll be able to go out next week, see you Monday.”
Jason did indeed practice, everyday after work for hours, walking, sitting, standing up and putting on makeup. By Friday he had accomplished his task and was walking and sitting like any other girl his age. His makeup skills needed more work but they were passable. He couldn’t wait to tell Betty.
“Betty, I’m ready to go to the clubs. Can we go this Saturday?”
“Sure, let me hear you talk, like a girl”
Jason talked but sounded like a boy with a high-pitched voice.
“Jason tomorrow I will teach you how to talk like a girl and then tomorrow night, look out world here comes Tiffany.”
Jason and Betty both giggled when she said that, a feminine gesture that wasn’t overlooked by Betty.
The next day Jason was at Betty’s once again for voice lessons.
“Jason when you talk, use your hands more and you have to use a wider range of voice, almost like you are singing, let’s practice. We will have a conversation and I will help you.”
Jason and Betty talked and talked until Jason sounded just like the girl he was becoming.
“Jason we have to get ready, you shower first because you take longer to get ready and don’t forget to shave, nothing looks worse than a pretty girl with stubble.”
Jason showered and dressed but let Betty put on his makeup. This night she used more than she had before. When he was dressed and ready to go and looked in the mirror he gasped.
“What’s wrong?” asked Betty.
“I look hot, I look like I’m all legs and my face, God, I look hot!”
“You’re supposed to look hot, remember you’re on a quest, you’re a woman now and you are looking for a man, a man to seduce. When a man sees you, half of your work is over when you look as good as you do now.”
“I don’t want to seduce a man, all I want to do is dance.”
“They don’t know that, only you do so don’t say anything and live like a girl for a few hours and enjoy yourself. The best part of all this is that you will have free drinks all night long. Here take this purse and put your I.D. in it with some makeup and let’s go.”
“What happens if they look at my I.D. and notice I’m a man?”
“They won’t, believe me, you’re too cute.”
Betty, Ron and Jason, now Tiffany went to the club and Betty was right, even though they were carded the bouncer couldn’t keep his eyes off of Tiffany all he saw was the date of birth. The threesome made their way to the bar and Ron purchased them a drink. It only took about five minutes before Tiffany was asked to dance. She felt confident in herself and accepted and it was off to the dance floor. Betty watched as Tiffany walked with the man and noticed that her walk was perfection, almost as though she had been born a girl. Tiffany returned and was asked immediately again for a dance and then if she wanted a drink. She accepted and sat with a handsome man and talked about the usual things people talk about in clubs like this. Tiffany was getting caught up in the attention paid to her and she loved it. There were no overt moves on her, the men were polite and she just turned them down if it was something she didn’t want to do. All to soon the evening ended with one last dance, although this was a slow one and before Tiffany cold refuse her dance partner pulled her into his arms. He pulled her tight wanting to feel her body against him. Tiffany was in a panic, what should she do? She looked around and saw the other couples dancing and tried to mimic them, by putting her arms around the mans neck. God she’s hot, he thought, I hope she comes back here again. The dance ended and the man led Tiffany back to the table and left her with Ron and Betty.
“Tiffany, did you enjoy yourself?”
“Oh God Betty this was the most fun I have ever had, I want to come back again, please?”
“Of course we can come back, we can’t leave all these guys hanging, I think they are in love.” Betty said in a teasing way.
Jason knew she was teasing him but he was also on a high from being so popular. I can’t wait to get a high like this again; I can’t wait until next week.
“Can’t we come sooner?”
“No, we have to work and you would be a mess if you stayed up too late, next Friday is soon enough.”
“You’re right, I’ll show some patience.”
“How did you feel about the last dance? You were dancing pretty close to that guy.”
“When he pulled me into his arms I thought I would puke, and then I looked around and saw how the other girls were dancing and I wanted to look like them so I put my arms around his neck. After a little while it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, it was actually kind of romantic, I only wish I was dancing with a girl instead of a guy.”
“Well maybe after next week you might want to dance as a guy again and come out as Jason, we’ll see how it goes.”
“Maybe so, being a girl is so much fun but having to dance with guys is kind of yucky to me.”
Betty noticed the feminine words that Jason was using but didn’t want to say anything because the more he got into this role playing the more likely he would continue to pass.
“I’m glad you had fun tonight and next week will even be better because you will be more comfortable with yourself and be able to relax more easily.”
“You’re right it will be more fun.”
The threesome returned to Betty’s and Jason changed back into a boy and drove home to dream of being that popular girl again.
The week seemed to drag; Jason could hardly wait for Friday to arrive. The only thing that kept him from going crazy was the phone call from Tom Larson to tell him that their branch had exceeded the company’s expectations of growth and revenue in the L.A. area by forty-five percent. Because of this they were going to increase Jason’s salary by twenty-five thousand dollars a year. Jason was beside himself, a raise like that already, he couldn’t believe it. This only increased Jason’s need to celebrate, luckily he had only two days to wait.
Friday came and it was back to Betty’s to dress.
“Betty, I was thinking, could you get me some more clothes? I hate to wear the same thing over and over.”
“Jason, I was wondering when you would ask me that. You’re becoming more of a girl and you are acquiring a need to shop. This is a big step for you but I can’t always do your shopping so tomorrow I will take you to find some more clothes.”
“Thank you, you’re such a sweet friend.”
This evening Ron had to work but trusted Betty to take Jason on her own to the club so she did. The evening went wonderfully and the girls danced every dance except Betty only danced the fast ones, but Tiffany danced all the slow ones too and found that she enjoyed them as much or more than the fast dances. There was something intoxicating about holding another person close and laying your head on his chest, it was dreamy.
Tiffany and Betty drove home and talked of their shopping adventure the next day.
“Jason, have you decided what you want to buy tomorrow?”
“Well, I was looking at the other girls and.”
“Did you say the other girls? Are you a girl now?”
“No that’s not what I meant.”
“Oh you were watching the other girls and want to be Jason again and maybe dance with them?”
“No that’s not what I meant either, I was watching them and wondering what I would look like in their clothes. I noticed styles that I want so bad and tomorrow I will buy them, after all with my new raise I will be able to afford them.”
“Atta girl, spoken like a true female. How did you feel dancing the slow dances tonight?”
“I, uhh, well uhh, you know, I, I,” Jason stammered and turned red not knowing if he should say how he felt, he felt popular and he felt pretty, “I guess okay.”
“Come on girl friend, I know how you felt, you felt protected and wanted and you liked it. There is no shame in that, you’re a girl, you should love feeling that way.”
“You’re right Betty, I did feel like that and it made me feel wonderful. I shouldn’t feel like that since I am a man, but when I’m Tiffany I feel so wonderful, so wanted, so popular and I love it, am I wrong to feel like this?”
“Oh honey no, right now you are a desirable young woman and you should feel like one. If tomorrow you were dressed like Jason and felt that way then maybe there would be a problem, but tonight you are Tiffany and Tiffany should enjoy her femininity.”
“Then I will.”
Jason slept that night in Betty’s spare bedroom and only after she gave him one of her satin nighties. He donned the sexy garment and went to bed with a new feeling of femininity that wasn’t going away this night. He still felt popular even though he was alone in bed, but even more he didn’t realize that it wasn’t popularity that he was beginning to crave but something else.
The next morning dawned and Betty was out of bed like a shot. She ran to Jason’s room and knocked on the door.
“Jason hurry, the mall opens in one hour, get up sleepy head and get dressed.”
Jason opened his eyes and wondered where he was and then remembered that he was in Betty’s spare bedroom dressed in a gorgeous negligee and feeling wonderful. He asked himself, do women feel this way every morning when they wake? He stretched and turned to exit the bed, he looked at his legs peeking from under the negligee and thought, not bad, not bad at all, actually they are kind of sexy. Jason exited the bed and went to shower. Before he did he called to Betty.
“Betty, what am I going to wear, I can’t go shopping looking like Jason and I can’t wear my clubbing skirt?”
“I have something for you in the bathroom.”
Jason went into the bathroom and saw a pair of women’s jeans and a casual top for him to wear. Jason showered and dried and the put on his gaff and dressed. Betty did his makeup only less than at night, put on his wig. The only shoes he had to wear were his black pumps but they looked okay, as his men’s shoes wouldn’t have gone with the outfit he was now wearing.
Jason and Betty talked about what he should buy.
“Did you see anything last night that you would want to wear?”
“God yes, everything looked so cute. I need new shoes, you know the kind with the straps that go everywhere?”
“You mean sandals?”
“I guess that’s what you call them, I saw one girl with a pair that had the highest heels, they were so sexy.”
“Oh I saw them too, yes they were sexy but they aren’t for you.”
“Why not, I can get used to them, like you say just a little practice.”
“Because there is a saying for heels like that, they’re called come fuck me shoes and if that’s what you want then we will buy them, but for now I think you had better stick to three inch heels and look sexy and not like a girl on the make.”
“I see your point. I guess this girl thing is getting too exciting for me sometimes.”
“Don’t worry that’s what I’m here for, to keep you a nice girl,” Betty giggled.
The girls arrived at the mall and the shopping began. The first stop was Nordstrom’s where Jason found several mini skirts and a very cute little dress made for dancing. Next came the tops to go with the skirts. Jason found a tube top he just had to have but Betty stopped him.
“Why can’t I have it?”
“You can but you won’t be able to wear it, you have no boobs.”
“I have these things,” Jason said as he pointed at his breasts.
“I know you do but you can’t show them like real breasts because that top is made to show a lot of cleavage. Remember last night, the girls with tops like this and others that showed a lot of their breasts weren’t wearing forms. The only way to wear a top like this is to have real breasts and I don’t think you want that.”
“Your right, I forgot about that, I just feel so much like a girl sometimes.”
The quest continued and Betty was able talk Jason into clothing other than club wears.
“Jason, we have to buy you things other than what you will wear to the clubs. I can’t keep loaning you my things.”
“You’re right Betty, it isn’t right for me to borrow your stuff all the time, what would you suggest?”
“Everything, we’ll start from the skin out and when we’re finished you will need a whole new closet for everything,” giggled Betty.
The girls started at Victoria’s Secret and ended at Cathy’s Shoes with stops at every woman’s shop in between. Jason even had his ears pierced and bought jewelry. Jason was so caught up in the fun he was having with Betty he didn’t realize he was turning into a real girl. By the time the girls returned to Betty’s it was time to get ready to go to the clubs again.
Jason decided to wear the red dress he bought at Nordstrom’s with a pair of red sandals with three-inch heels. He also wore his first pair of earrings, ones that were red to match the dress. Betty looked and was glad her friend was learning how to co-ordinate his fashion.
“You look great, but wait, there’s something missing, I know, we have a few minutes, take off your sandals and pantyhose, I have to do your nails.”
“Why?”
“Because you don’t look finished, now hurry.”
Luckily Jason hadn’t trimmed his fingernails for a while and they were long enough to round at the ends and soon he had nails that matched his dress, as did his lipstick. He looked at his hands and they looked like secretaries hands that typed a lot, feminine but not overly so. Jason looked in the mirror and smiled, he looked hot. His makeup was perfect, his dress was shorter than the skirt he wore the night before and everything matched, right down to his toenails.
“What do you think?” asked Betty.
“I look really good, even hot.”
“Yes you do, see what I mean, you have to look finished, the more you become a girl the more you will realize it.”
“Oh Betty this is so much fun, the shopping and getting ready and now going out to dance, I’m the luckiest girl in the world.” Tiffany said as her eyes started to water with happiness.
“Don’t you dare cry, it will ruin your makeup.”
Tiffany gave Betty a hug and said, “Let’s go.”
The girls went to a different club this night and Tiffany was barely able to sit down before she was asked to dance. After the first dance she returned to the table and there was a drink waiting for her. She looked around and a cute guy held his glass up and smiled. Tiffany thought to herself, wow, I must look good to already have a drink and I haven’t been here five minutes. She looked back at the man and smiled back with her most alluring smile. Jason was making a big mistake doing this but didn’t realize that was what the man wanted from this fox of a girl. He stood and walked over to introduce himself and ask for a dance.
“Hi, my name is Jeff, and yours?”
“Tiffany, and thank you for the drink.”
“It was my pleasure, would you like to dance?”
“I’d love to.”
Jeff led Tiffany to the floor and thus began an evening of exclusive partnering. The two danced the next ten dances together, both fast and slow. Tiffany was beginning to have different feelings now, especially when she danced slow dances with Jeff. There was a bonding she couldn’t quite explain to herself but she liked the feeling of his hand tight against her back as it caressed her softly. After the third slow dance she realized she was becoming aroused, not like a man, but like a woman. Tiffany grew afraid.
“Jeff could we sit down for a minute please?”
“Of course.”
Jeff took her hand and led her back to the table. The week before Jason would pull his hand away from any man that touched him but now she took his hand in hers and held it tight. She didn’t want to lose this guy. Betty came back to the table with a frantic look on her face.
“We have to go, Ron was in an accident. He’s alright but we have to pick him up at the hospital.”
“I’ll get my things, I’m sorry I have to go,” Tiffany said to Jeff.
“I’m sorry too, will you be here next week?”
“I hope so.” replied Tiffany giving Jeff her best smile.
Betty and Tiffany left the club. Betty knew she had to have a talk with Jason.
“Jason, I was watching you tonight and it isn’t a good idea to spend your time with one person exclusively, people will get the wrong idea, especially the man you’re with.”
“I wasn’t doing anything wrong, it was just easier to dance with one person rather than go back and forth to the dance floor.”
“Who was that guy?”
“Do you mean Jeff?”
“Of course I mean Jeff, he was the one you were with,” Betty said with irritation in her voice, “I hate to say it but you looked like you had stars in your eyes.”
“It’s not like that, I just feel more at ease now dancing with men, like you said practice makes perfect.”
“This isn’t something to play with Jason, you are supposed to do this so you can have some kind of social life, it’s becoming more than that now, it’s becoming a dangerous game for you.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“For one thing guys think you are a girl and if they find out you’re not you could be hurt very badly but even more importantly you are becoming a girl and that’s not right.”
“What’s not right?”
“You becoming a girl, it’s one thing to go shopping or dancing as one but becoming involved with another man is something altogether different, it’s something a girl does and that’s what you were doing tonight. You were giving him all the right looks and moves for a girl and that wasn’t anything I taught you, it’s something that a girl is born with and that’s what scares me, a girl does those things naturally, not a man, unless you’re gay.”
“I’m not gay, don’t say that, maybe you’re right, maybe I am getting carried away with this thing, it did feel good though when Jeff held me.”
“That’s exactly what I mean, a man wouldn’t have felt that way, yet you did, you’re becoming too much of a woman.”
“But it feels so good when I become one.”
“I imagine it does, but then again it just might be because you feel popular.”
“You might be right, maybe it is because I feel popular. I just felt so safe and secure with Jeff when he held me, God I’m getting so messed up. I think maybe I’ll try being a man again and try something different. This girl thing is doing things to my mind that aren’t right, maybe I’ll try something away from the clubs and then I might meet a nice girl for a change.”
“I think that’s a good idea, if you give yourself a break from being a girl, you might meet the girl of your dreams.”
Jason and Betty arrived and Jason became a man once again and ready to pursue his dream of popularity.
That weekend found Jason at a soup kitchen helping with meals. He met a nice girl and as the day wore on he decided to ask her out.
“Jackie, I’ve had a wonderful time today especially with you. I was wondering if maybe you might join me later for dinner?” asked Jason.
Jackie was a pretty girl of about twenty years and liked helping the down and out. She also liked her men manly so all she could do was decline. She looked at Jason and saw a delicate little man that looked fourteen years old, almost like a younger brother.
“I’m sorry Jason but you aren’t my type,” she said, not wanting to lead him on.
“Okay, I understand.”
“It’s not that Jason, it’s just that I like big guys, it’s nothing personal.”
Here we go again thought Jason, damn why can’t I get a date, I’m a nice guy, I have a good job, maybe I’ll join a gym and try to become more manly, something has to work.
The very next day Jason was at the gym, joining and working out. He worked out for several months, pumping iron with little results. His waist grew thinner but nothing else seemed to grow. He struck up friendships with several young ladies but as usual they all had excuses as to why they wouldn’t go out with him. Jason was tiring of this crap and was at his wits end, and then he remembered Tiffany. He still had all those clothes and maybe it would be all right to be her a few more times, just to be popular again.
Jason approached Betty one day after work.
“Betty, may I have a word with you in my office?”
Betty entered Jason’s office and asked, “What can I do for you, Jason?”
“Do you remember when I went out as Tiffany and all the fun I had?”
“Of course I remember, why do you ask?”
“Because my life is shit right now. I tried working out and as you can see, nothing happened. I tried meeting girls everywhere I went and the answer is always the same, sorry not tonight or you’re not my kind, there’s always some excuse not to go out with me and I’ve had it.”
“Jason you’re a sweet man and someday you will meet a girl that can look past your stature and see the nice person you are, give it a chance, be patient.”
“I have been patient, I just want to have a little fun again and that’s why I mentioned Tiffany. I was hoping that maybe we could go out again. Ron is back to work and the three of us had such fun when we went out that I just wanted to do it again.”
“You want to be Tiffany again?”
“Yes, I still have all those clothes and I haven’t even worn half of them, please just this once?”
“Okay, I’ll talk to Ron and see what he say’s and let you know tomorrow.”
Later that day Tom Larson called Jason to let him know how his branch was doing.
“Jason, how are you, everything okay, you sound a little down in the dumps?”
“Everything is fine Tom, I guess I’m just a little tired.”
“Well Jason, I just wanted to call you and let you know that your branch has the best improvement in sales and profit of all the branches. You started with zero sales and now our company is the ninth largest import-export firm in the Los Angeles area, you’ve done a phenomenal job. The board of directors has decided to raise your salary by 100K a year because we are so pleased with your performance. Just keep up the good work.”
“Thank you Tom, I will, talk to you soon.”
Now Jason was ready to celebrate, he just hoped Betty would help him.
The next day Betty informed Jason that she and Ron would go out with him to celebrate his good fortune on Saturday night and Tiffany could come along.
Jason went to Betty’s house to become Tiffany once again Saturday afternoon. He wanted to look good so he started early as it had been several months since Tiffany had gone out. He shaved his legs and underarms once again and when he had finished his legs he wondered why he hadn’t shaved them more often, he felt nice and soft and smooth and much to his concern feminine. He exited and dried himself off and put on his gaff and wondered what to wear.
“Betty what should I wear?”
“I don’t know, let me look at you, wait I know just the thing. Remember that short leather skirt you bought? I have a pair of glasses that just have glass lenses with no prescription and you could go out as a sexy secretary. All you need is some dark nylons and a white blouse. Wear your black pumps, a little jewelry and you will be perfect.”
Jason began to dress, first putting on a pair of dark sheer panty hose and a short black slip with a little lace trim. When he pulled the panty hose up his legs he shivered with excitement. The feeling of the nylon was reawakening feelings he had tried to bury months ago but now they were coming back to the surface. Next when he put on the slip and felt the satin rub his legs through the nylon he knew he was doing the right thing. Next came the bra and forms, he realized that he had missed the tightness of the bra’s straps around his chest and over his shoulders but what really put him over the edge was when he lowered the camisole over his head and let it settle against his body. The feeling of the satin softly caressing his skin below his bra made him promise himself to never let Tiffany disappear again. Next came the skirt and blouse and finally the pumps and glasses. Betty had already made him up and styled the wig. Jason looked in the mirror and Tiffany was back and she looked good. Because of working out Jason’s waist had shrunk two inches which made him look a bit more shapely but he still looked like a skinny girl, but that didn’t matter right now because Tiffany was back and it was time to have fun once again.
The threesome went to the club and Jason was once again popular. He danced many of the dances, never more than twice with the same man having learned his lesson with Jeff. As the evening wore on Jason noticed that he wasn’t the center of attention as much as he was the first times he went dancing. There were other girls that seemed to attract the men more than he.
“Betty, why are those other girls so much more popular than me, I do look good, don’t I?”
“You look great, you look sophisticated and nice, but you have class. Those girls are looking to pick a guy up, see how they are dressed, mini-skirts and very low cut blouses. They’re breasts are hanging out and are barely covered. You couldn’t wear something like that because you have no breasts. See that girl right there, she has no bra on yet she has those huge boobs that don’t sag. The reason she doesn’t sag is that she has had implants and they are cheap, see how round they are, they look fake, but the way she is flaunting herself some guy knows she is going to give it up tonight and it’s just a matter of time that she chooses a guy to go with. The guys don’t care if her tits are fake because they just care what’s between her legs and for how long they can do her, you look good so don’t worry about her.”
Jason was worried about her though, what can I do to become more popular he thought? The evening ended and the threesome went home. Jason stayed the night at Betty’s and wore his satin nightgown not wanting Tiffany to go away. The next morning Jason returned home with some sadness, he didn’t want to put Tiffany away again.
The workweek started anew with Jason chasing a new account that would move them up to number five in volume in the L.A. area. The days were stressful and he kept thinking about Tiffany. Tuesday night he returned home and had made a decision, he would dress as Tiffany at home for the first time since he had practiced for his first night out. He wasn’t going to go out, he just missed being Tiffany. How would a girl dress at home he wondered, he thought about Betty and what she wore when he came to her house. He decided, it would be jeans, a blouse and casual shoes, a little makeup, no, he decided, no shoes, he would polish his toe nails instead, he was going to be a girl tonight. Jason showered and shaved his legs and underarms again, he was going to be all girl and she wasn’t going to have stubble on her legs. He finished and put on a pair of panties, no need to worry about a bulge at home and put on the girls jeans he bought on his shopping spree months ago. He found a cute pull over blouse and put it on after putting on his bra, now just a little makeup he thought. Betty had been doing his makeup for him because he was out of practice so this was going to be a whole new experience. Just a little mascara he thought and lip gloss, just a little, no need to over do it. Jason tried and had to remove it three times but finally did get it right, mascara and the lip-gloss, just two things but they were things a girl did and they looked good when he finished. He then tried to polish his toenails, which became a disaster. Water didn’t take the polish off like makeup, he had to use remover, four times he tried, and then remembered seeing a movie with girls putting cotton balls between their toes so they would have space between them, so he tried that with much more success. Jason was learning how to be a woman. Jason looked at himself in the mirror and saw a skinny girl looking back, not too cute but a girl none the less. I’m going to have to improve on this he thought, maybe I can grow my hair longer and maybe have my eyebrows done, possibly a complete makeover, I can do it he thought and then guys will be all over me, I will be popular just like the other girls. Dressed as he was Jason was losing any concept of what would happen if he were to do the things he thought of doing but then again one does tend to lose any reasoning while dressed as a woman. Jason spent the evening practicing walking in heels and just being a girl, he loved it. He even slept in his satin nightgown again. The next morning Jason realized that he forgot to remove his makeup and saw the raccoon eyes and giggled, next time I remove my makeup before I go to bed, he thought
The week past and Jason was hooked, Tiffany was becoming a part of his life in a very big way. Everyday after work Jason couldn’t wait to get home to become his new persona. He loved becoming Tiffany and practiced every moment he could at being her. He was like a teenaged girl. He soon was buying all the magazines, like Vogue and Cosmo to see the fashion and how to articles on makeup and hairstyles, how to co-ordinate clothing and accessories, Tiffany was becoming a real girl and Jason didn’t realize that she was taking control of his personality. Jason was happy at work and hadn’t mentioned Tiffany to Betty for several months. Betty had noticed this sudden change in things and seemed unconcerned at first but began to notice little things like makeup residue or just a little bit of nail polish on his fingers or a hint of perfume fragrance that would linger on him in the morning.
“Jason, may I have a word with you?” Betty asked when she could take it no more.
“Sure Betty, what’s up?” he asked cheerily.
“I know it’s none of my business but I do feel some what responsible for your actions and I don’t want you to think that I don’t want you to enjoy yourself but I worry about you because you’ve become a friend and I have to ask you why you have makeup on in the mornings?”
“You saw that?” Jason asked, as he turned red.
“Yes I did and I know it’s none of my business but I do worry about you, so what’s going on?”
“I, uh well, I, I love being Tiffany and I have been spending time as her at home. I don’t know why it just feels right.”
“What do you do when you’re Tiffany?”
“You know, I’m just a girl, I practice my makeup and hair, polish my nails, try on my clothes, you know girl things.”
“Do you go out?”
“Heavens no, I only go out with you and Ron, I just like being Tiffany.”
“Are you going to go out?”
“I don’t know, I really don’t, please don’t say anything to anyone about this,” Jason said as a tear formed in his eye.
“Honey, don’t worry you’re a friend and friends don’t hurt each other, especially girl friends.”
Betty hugged Jason and he knew his secret was safe for now.
Another month passed and Jason was getting the itch to go dancing again. He asked Betty if she would go with him but she said her mother in law was in town for a month and so they wouldn’t be able to go for a while. Jason wanted to dance so he decided to go alone.
Jason dressed in one of Tiffany’s club dresses and made himself up. The practice he had been doing the last month with makeup had paid off, it was even better than the makeup Betty’s had done for him. Jason looked in the mirror and felt confident that he would be very popular tonight. Tiffany went to the club and began to dance soon after arriving. After several dances with different partners Tiffany wasn’t asked for five or six dances. Finally she was asked again and she accepted. Her partner was an average looking guy named Bill and he was a good dancer. When that dance ended he asked her to dance again and even though she didn’t want to dance exclusively with just one man she also didn’t want to stand around like she just had just been doing. Tiffany accepted and thus followed a series of dances, both fast and slow. Tiffany was once again getting caught up in a situation with which she had no control, being as this was her first night out alone as a girl. As the evening progressed, she was becoming more at ease with herself and the slow seduction taking place. She liked being held by this man and she liked feeling popular, she liked it a lot. The last dance arrived and Tiffany was aroused sexually and she liked the feelings she was having, will he kiss me she wondered, I hope so she thought, not, God if this man kisses me I’m going to hit him or I’ll throw up, no, that wasn’t what Tiffany was feeling at all. Tiffany had taken possession of Jason’s body and he had become a young woman, one that wanted a man to want her and kiss her. As the dance ended Bill did kiss her and when he did Tiffany went weak. She put her arms around Bills neck and held him tight kissing him back, for this was the first kiss Tiffany or Jason had ever had from another person other than his mother or his aunts. Bill broke the kiss and Tiffany regained her composure.
“Thank you Tiffany for the wonderful evening, may I call you?”
“Yes you may, here’s my number,” she said as she wrote it on a napkin, “Please call.”
“I will,” he said as he left.
Tiffany drove home and felt emptiness about her, she wanted Bill, here sitting beside her to kiss her neck and lips, to tell her how much he loved her, and she wanted a man. Tiffany arrived home and went to bed after removing her makeup. She lay in bed thinking of what had just happened. She had just had her first kiss from a man and felt good about it and as she did she felt the tears form in her eyes, why did she have to be a man, this isn’t fair she thought. As the night wore on Jason began to think, what the hell am I doing, shit, I kissed a man, I kissed a man and I wanted him to kiss me more, yuk, what in the hell is happening to me?
Jason finally fell asleep and awoke the next morning still thinking of the kiss. There is something perverted here he thought, no more of this Tiffany stuff, it’s messing with my mind, I’m done, I’m throwing all her things out next week, I’m done with it, no more. Jason’s thoughts were interrupted by the phone ringing.
“Hello.”
“Hi Tiffany, this is Bill, I just wanted to call and thank you for last night, I had a wonderful time.”
“Bill,” Tiffany said excitedly, “I didn’t think you would call.”
“Why wouldn’t I call the prettiest girl at the club last night,” said Bill, continuing the seduction.
“I don’t know, I just thought you wouldn’t,” Said Tiffany, clearly flustered.
“Well I did and I was wondering if you might have time for dinner next week?”
Oh my God, oh my God, he wants to take me out Tiffany thought, her heart was racing, I can’t date him I’m a man,
“Oh Bill I can’t, I’m so busy at work that I can’t take off, please call me back next week and maybe I will be able to, okay?” Tiffany replied, she didn’t want to blow him off and she liked being desired by this man and even though dating him was out of the question, she didn’t mind him calling again.
“You bet I will, bye.”
Jason was beside himself, Tiffany had an admirer, and Jason had wanted to get rid of Tiffany. If he did though would he be popular, certainly Tiffany was but would he be, he knew the answer to that. Would he be able to give up his life as Jason just to have popularity? God this is so complicated he thought, I like being a guy but I also like being Tiffany even more than I thought I would. Being a girl is very special he thought, maybe if I tried to be more of a girl I wouldn’t have these mental conflicts with myself. Jason decided to go on line and visited several sites on being transgendered. Jason discovered more information that he thought existed. He dressed as Tiffany again just to see if he really liked being Tiffany. Once again the feelings of femininity overwhelmed him, it was as though he was a totally different person, he had to be Tiffany, he had to be popular, he had to be wanted. It was while he was under this duress that he decided that he wanted real breasts and a real figure. No more little butt or false breasts he wanted to feel like a real girl, he wanted to become a real girl, he wanted to become Tiffany. The next day Jason ordered hormones from Mexico, he thought he knew what he wanted and was going to get it, Tiffany was going to become a real live girl.
The hormones arrived and Jason thought, what in the hell am I doing, I can’t do this, it’s so permanent, it’s so perverted, it’s so fucked up. He was just about to throw them out and as fate would have it Bill called.
“Tiffany, hi it’s Bill.”
“Bill, hi.”
“I just called to see if you’re ready for dinner yet?”
“Almost, maybe in another week.”
“That’s cool, I’ll call you.”
Jason hung up the phone and Tiffany took the pills and swallowed them. Tiffany’s popularity had won over Jason’s weak will and he was now willing to see what would happen with the hormones. Bill never did call back but Jason continued to take the hormones. The strange thing about all of this was that his performance at work improved. After about four months of hormone treatment Jason was starting to fill out. His hips were starting to change, as was his waist. He was becoming softer looking and was becoming much more emotional about things. His chest had begun to itch and hurt just to touch. These were changes that didn’t slip by Betty.
“Jason, are you all right?”
“Why do you ask?”
“You seem different lately, are you taking something?”
“Of course not, I think its just nerves, I’ve been under a lot of stress lately.”
“Okay, if you say so.”
Betty let it drop. She knew if Jason wanted her to know what he was doing he would tell her.
Another two months passed and Jason was starting to have problems hiding his changes. They weren’t great but enough so that his clothes no longer fit properly. The hormones were also doing things to Jason that he couldn’t see, like making his blood pressure go through the roof.
It was a Wednesday when Jason complained to Betty that he felt cold even though it was seventy-five degrees in the office. An hour later he felt too warm, he felt like crying, he felt giddy, he felt feminine he felt wonderful. Jason stood to tell Betty something and fainted as he did. An ambulance was called and Jason’s secret was about to be discovered.
Jason opened his eyes and looked around the room he was in. What happened he wondered and where am I? He didn’t recognize the fluorescent fixtures overhead nor did he recognize the curtains around his bed, for that matter he didn’t recognize the bed he was in. He tried to move and found tubes leading to his arm, he groaned and a nurse rushed to his side.
“Are you alright?” she asked.
“Where am I?”
“You’re in the emergency room at county hospital, you fainted and have been unconscious for an hour.”
“How did I get here?”
“Your secretary call for an ambulance when you fainted and they brought you here.”
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Your blood pressure got so high that it made your body shut down as a warning, it’s good that you are so young or you might have had a stroke and died.”
“Why is my blood pressure so high?”
“I don’t know but we are running some tests and should have the results soon. Just stay still and relax, your doctor will be in soon.”
Jason closed his eyes and drifted back to sleep. An hour past and he felt a hand shaking his shoulder. He opened his eyes and saw a man standing next to him.
“Mr. Randall, I’m Dr. Murray. I just received the results of your toxicology tests and found out why you have such high blood pressure. You seem to have extraordinarily high amounts of estrogen and other hormones in you system. Are you in transition at this time and who prescribed these hormones for you?”
Jason could see the heart monitor jump when the doctor asked him that question, this was his secret and no one was to know what he was doing. He obviously didn’t think the whole thing through because it wouldn’t be long before he would have breasts and feminine hips to hide.
“I got the hormones from Mexico.”
“How did you know what amount to take, did a doctor give you the amounts or did you guess?”
“I guessed. I went on the Internet and read about them and thought I would be able to figure out the right amount to take.”
“Well obviously you didn’t take the right amount, you almost killed yourself. You are going to have to stay here for a few days before I release you to make sure you are all right. Because this is a county hospital I see many patients like you that are in transition but usually for other reasons. I’m going to recommend another doctor for you to see and have you put on the proper dosage of hormones so this doesn’t happen again. Nurse would you take Mr. Randall up to his room, I’m done here.”
“You mentioned other reasons people like me come in here?”
“Yes I did. The most common reason is severe trauma. A girl like you picks up some guy and when he finds out you are a man he beats the heck out of them and the other is attempted suicide. Girls like you sometimes have a lot of mental issues and the hormones don’t help but tend to magnify what problems they do have, that’s why you shouldn’t even take them before you have a very thorough mental examination and that’s why I’m recommending another doctor to look at you and why you should never self medicate yourself, good luck,” said the doctor as he left.
Jason was wheeled to his room. He started to think of what the doctor had told him about hormones. How could he be so stupid? What made him think he could possibly know how much hormone to take to get a figure, heck he had a hard enough time taking aspirin let alone a powerful drug like that. His mind was in a whirl and the wrong dosage of hormones wasn’t helping, he just wanted to cry which is what he did, he cried himself to sleep.
“Jason, Jason,” the voice said.
Jason opened his eyes and saw Betty standing next to his bed.
“Jason what happened, the nurse says you will be in here until Friday.”
“My blood pressure was too high and I passed out.”
“Why is it too high?”
“They didn’t tell me yet, they said they would after the tests are in,” Jason said knowing he was lying to his friend. He wasn’t ready to tell her about the hormones just yet.
“Maybe it was the stress at work. I phoned the corporate offices and told them what happened to you. They said that everything will be alright for now and that they wouldn’t have to send anyone out to cover for you since most everything is under control and the nurse said you should be able to return to work Monday.”
“Thank you Betty, you’re so good to me, could I please have a hug?”
Betty gave Jason a hug and when she did Jason fell apart, the tears poured from his eyes. How could I do all these stupid things and not tell my best friend he thought, she has always been here for me and now I won’t even tell her what I have done, Jason just cried.
“Jason, what’s wrong, what aren’t you telling me, you can tell me anything, you’re my friend, I’m here for you.”
“Oh Betty, I’ve been so stupid, I just couldn’t tell you what I was doing, I’m so ashamed.”
“Please tell me Jason, I’ll help you no matter what you’ve done.”
“If I tell you do you promise not to be angry with me?”
“I promise, that’s what friends are for.”
“Do you remember about six or seven months ago when I asked you if you would take me to the clubs and you couldn’t because your mother-in-law was staying with you?”
“Yes I remember.”
“Well I decided that I was a big girl now and I would go out by myself so I did. I had so much fun dancing and even met a guy who was very nice to me. I wasn’t as popular as I thought I would be so I thought if I had a real figure I would become a much more popular person. I got some hormones from Mexico and started them four months ago. They were the wrong dosage and this happened, I feel like such a fool,” Jason said as the tears fell once again.
“Oh Jason, why didn’t you come to me first before you did such a thing?”
“I was afraid you would laugh at me.”
“I would never laugh at you, you’ve become a very good friend. What do you plan to do now?”
“I’m not sure anymore. I love being a woman but after this happened, I’m not so sure anymore, I’m going to have to think about it.”
“Well don’t you worry, I’ll be here for you.”
“Thank you Betty, I love you.”
“I love you too Jason.” Betty said as she left.
The next day a middle-aged woman came into Jason’s room.
“Hello Jason, I’m Dr. Sarah Burns. I’m a specialist in hormonal therapy and I’ve come to take a look at you and then we can decide what to do about you.”
Dr. Burns looked at Jason’s chart and then examined him. When she was done she look at him and said, “Jason what you did was really bad for you. I don’t know why you didn’t see a doctor first before doing this to yourself and I don’t want to know why, but now we have to try to fix what you have done. You have some development in your breast area and also your hips are becoming more feminine looking. If you were to stop your hormones now the development will also stop and for the most part go away. There is a more serious problem however, when you took these hormones you chemically castrated yourself. You can never have children unless you adopt them. If you had seen a doctor first you could have had dosages that wouldn’t have destroyed your testicles but that is neither here nor there right now. What we have to do is decide what is best for you from this point on. If you go on the proper dosage of hormones you will develop into an attractive young woman. I won’t lie to you, you won’t grow large breasts and your hair won’t go away but with surgery you can become a woman. If you decide to go the other way you won’t be able to father your own children and you might have to have surgery to reduce the size of you nipples. After what you just put yourself through I would probably suggest the first option, you almost killed yourself trying to become a woman so you might as well finish the task.”
Jason couldn’t believe his ears, he was sterile, he couldn’t have children, and he did this to become popular. If he had just left well enough alone he would be fine but no, he just had to be wanted. If only he had some patience he could have found a girl who would have accepted him for who he was, a delicate man. Now he had to make a decision that would affect the rest of his life. He wasn’t so sure he wanted to be a girl anymore, he was still a virgin and now he couldn’t even know what it would be like to be able to make love to a woman and produce children, that was gone forever. Would he want to become a woman and make love to a man, sure he would be able to be bedded and he did feel a need when Bill had kissed him but was it a need because he had never been wanted sexually before by a woman or was it a need because he had become a woman at the time of the kiss. Jason was going to have to talk to someone before he could make such an important decision.
“I’m not sure what I should do,” said Jason.
“Well there is no need to rush into it now as the damage is already done and you won’t be making anymore testosterone so you won’t lose the changes you already have, so take your time making a decision and then call me.”
“Thank you doctor.”
Jason was released from the hospital the next day and was driven home by Betty. He spent the whole weekend relaxing and pondering what he should do. By Monday morning he was even more uncertain as to what he should do.
Jason was at work for about an hour when the phone rang.
“Jason, it’s Tom on the phone for you.”
God what does he want, I’m not in the mood right now to have my ass chewed out for having to go to the hospital.
“Hello, Tom.”
“Jason how do you feel? We were very concerned when we heard you had to be admitted to the hospital, is everything alright now?”
“It’s getting better.”
“Can you tell me what happened, Betty said it was something to do with high blood pressure.”
“Yes that’s what the doctors told me.”
“Well listen Jason, we can’t have you running our branch with high blood pressure so next week we’re going to have you go to the company condo over on Maui to relax for a week. You have been working too hard and need some time off and we won’t take no for an answer, are you alright with that?”
“That would be great, I’m looking forward to going, thank you so much Tom.”
“Don’t thank me Jason, you deserve it, yours is the best producing branch in the company and we owe it all to you, we don’t want to lose you, now take it easy, I’ll talk to you when you get back.”
Tom hung up the phone before Jason could say another word. He thought they would be mad at him but to the contrary they cared for him. Tears came to his eyes, damn hormones he thought. He told Betty of his good fortune and she hugged him and told him to enjoy himself and not to think of a thing other than relaxing.
The following Sunday Jason flew to Maui and was soon in the company condo looking out the window at the Pacific Ocean splashing on the beach in front of the condominium. A relaxed feeling washed over him as he put all thoughts away for at least a few hours, my personal decisions can wait for a few days he thought, for now it’s just rest.
Several days past until Jason felt like venturing forth to see the island. He arose and put on a t-shirt and jeans and drove a short distance to Lahina to have breakfast. He found a little restaurant and went in to have breakfast. A cute little Hawaiian girl waited on him.
“May I have your order?” she asked.
“I think I’ll just have coffee,” He said.
“I’ll be right back,” she said with a smile.
The waitress returned and handed Jason his coffee.
“You’re new around here,” she said.
“I flew in a couple of days ago and this is the first time I’ve been out.”
“Not many tourists find this place, how long are you staying?”
“Until Saturday.”
“Enjoy your coffee.”
The waitress walked away after smiling at Jason. She sure is cute he thought and nice too. I’m going to have to come back here again he thought. Jason finished his coffee and left but not until the girl asked him to come back again. Jason spent the rest of the day wandering in and out of the tourist shops and bought himself several items, some scrimshaw ivory and a cute little necklace for Betty. Jason returned to the condo and felt invigorated for the first time in days. He decided to go out to see what the nightlife was like in Lahina.
Jason dressed in a pair of slacks and a dress shirt and made his way to The Sheridan to see what they had to offer. He tried asking several girls to dance but it was the same thing all over again, I’m here with my boy friend or I don’t dance or this or that. Jason had hoped things would be different here but it wasn’t. He went back to the condo and fell asleep. The next morning he figured he might as well have some pleasure and returned to the coffee shop to see the cute waitress. He wasn’t disappointed as she was as friendly and perky as ever. Jason had his coffee and left feeling better for the experience.
Jason drove to Hana and enjoyed the waterfalls and by the time he returned to the condo it was dark. He decided to go out again but this time as Tiffany. Jason had decided not to take a chance that he might not have fun and packed some of her clothes. Another thing that was weighing on his mind was that he wanted to be both Jason and Tiffany while on vacation to help him decide which way he might want to go when he returned home. Jason took a shower, shaved and soon Tiffany was ready to go have some fun.
Tiffany returned to the Sheridan and this night she danced all night long. She wore her red dress and sandals and looked hot. Near the end of the evening one of her dance partners bought her a Mai Tai to drink. They sat and talked about mostly nothing but Tiffany was enjoying herself and she was enjoying being with this man. This enjoyment was more than just being able to talk to someone but it was making her feel funny inside, she was becoming aroused. The man reached for her hand and held it. Tiffany didn’t pull away but smiled at the man instead, she liked what was happening. The evening drew to a close and the man walked Tiffany to her car and kissed her good night. This wasn’t like some of the other kisses Tiffany had gotten before, this kiss had lust in it and she was responding. She pulled the man tight and parted her lips for her first French kiss. As the man’s tongue entered her mouth she moaned and went weak. The man felt her swoon and held her tight to keep her from falling. Tiffany could feel the man becoming hard against her and wondered what it would be like to be a woman and have him make love to her and have him penetrate her. Tiffany was going over the edge and she knew it.
She pushed the man back and said, “I had better go before we get carried away.”
“May I call you?” he asked.
“Yes here’s my number.”
Tiffany drove home and was beside herself with self-doubt. What should I do she thought. I meet this guy and I want him and it makes me want to remain Tiffany and yet there are times I want to be Jason, God I’m so confused.
The next morning Jason was back at the coffee shop.
“How did your evening go?” asked the waitress.
“I had so much fun, I went dancing.”
“I wish I was there so you could have asked me to dance.” stated the girl.
Jason couldn’t believe what he had just heard, “You would have wanted to dance with me?”
“Of course, you’re very handsome.”
“I am?”
“Of course you are, you know that. I bet you have girls all over the place.”
“No not really, what’s your name?”
“Mia.”
“Do you ever have any time off Mia?”
“Tomorrow.”
“Would you like to spend the day with me?”
“I thought you would never ask, I’ll show you the island.”
“I can’t wait.”
Jason left the shop and returned to the condo and spent the rest of the day sunning on the deck and wondering what Mia saw in him. That afternoon the phone rang and it was the man Tiffany had met the night before.
“Hello, Tiffany?”
“Yes.”
“This is Roger from last night. I was wondering what you were doing tomorrow, I thought we could take the catamaran to Lanai.”
“Oh gosh Roger, I’m already doing something but if you would like I can meet you this evening for dinner or something.”
“Sure that would be great, I’ll meet you at the luau at the Hyatt at seven.”
“I can’t wait see you then.”
Jason glued on his forms then went and changed into a sexy little white dress that was backless and sleeveless but had a collar that let the satin fabric flow down over her breasts and then into her tiny waist and hugged her hips and ended mid thigh. Because of the warmth and humidity of Hawaii and the fact that her legs were nicely tanned, she only wore her three inch white sandals with the ankle strap. She added some jewelry and was on her way. She arrived at the Hyatt and had the valet park her car. She walked into the lobby and couldn’t help but notice the click, click of her heels on the marble floor. She walked by a mirror and saw her reflection, my God she thought, I look like I’m trying to seduce someone. Her bare back was lightly tanned from sunning herself and the white dress she wore made her look even more tan. I should have looked at myself before I wore this dress, I hope Roger doesn’t get the wrong idea about me.
“Tiffany, hi, wow, you look stunning.”
“Thank you, you look pretty good yourself.”
Roger was wearing a pair of tan shorts and a dress shirt and his tanned hard-body looked like candy to Tiffany. He greeted her with a kiss and they went to eat. After the dinner was over they danced until they closed the bar. Tiffany had only two drinks but they seemed to relax her and she was becoming giddy with the evening. Roger sensed this and was caressing her back knowing that if he were lucky she would be his this very evening. Tiffany and Roger started to kiss and Tiffany was losing all control of her emotions and of her self-control. Roger French kissed her and rubbed her bare back and could feel her luscious butt through the thin satin dress. Roger was pressing his engorged member against Tiffany’s stomach and she could feel it. This only turned her on more, God was she hot, never had she felt this way, she wanted to be a woman, and she wanted to bed this man. She reached down with her hand and felt his hardness with it. This feels so right and I want this thing so bad she thought to herself. There was a sudden awareness of what she was doing and she then realized that she couldn’t do what she wanted. She pushed Roger back panting wildly and said, “I can’t do this Roger, I’m sorry, I’m married and I thought I would be able to but I can’t, I hope you understand.”
Luckily Roger was a nice man and responded, “I understand, let’s go home.”
The couple parted and Tiffany drove home. When she entered the condo she burst into tears, she wanted that man so badly and yet she couldn’t have him, why is life so unfair she thought.
The next morning Jason picked up Mia for their date. Jason was still feeling giddy from the night before.
He knocked on the door of Mia’s apartment.
Mia opened the door and said, “Hi you look happy today.”
“I’m just happy to be able to spend the day with you, are you ready?”
“Yes, let me grab my purse.”
Mia locked her door and they were off. She showed Jason all the little secret places on Maui, the beaches and waterfalls, the volcano, where to snorkel and the best places to eat. Mia liked Jason and wanted more than just a nice time with a guy. He was driving and she slid over next to him and rested her hand on his thigh. He had never had a girl do this to him in his life. She had him exit the road and park on a bluff over-looking the ocean.
“Jason lets go look at the blow-hole, it’s really spectacular.”
Jason exited and went around to open Mia’s door. When she exited she took his hand and didn’t let go. She intertwined her fingers with his and said, “Jason I like you and I know you have to go home tomorrow but you’re so nice and there is something about you that I really like. The first time you walked into the coffee shop I thought I would die you were so cute. I had to get to know you and I thought you would never ask me out.”
“If I had known that I would have asked you out the first day.”
“I wish you had.”
Mia then reached up and kissed Jason. It was the first time a woman had kissed him. It felt wonderful, it felt soft and yet he didn’t respond the way Mia had hoped he would.
“What’s wrong Jason?”
“It’s nothing, you just surprised me.”
“Well let me surprise you some more.”
Mia kissed Jason once more but with more passion. She pushed her tongue into his mouth and hoped he would respond. Jason tried to kiss back like Tiffany had the night before but for some reason he didn’t feel comfortable doing that. Mia was responding though, she wanted Jason; she wanted him in the worse way. She reached down and took his penis in her hand and thought it would be hard but to her surprise it was still soft.
“What’s wrong Jason, don’t you like me?”
“I do, very much.”
“Then why aren’t you hard, are you gay?”
“No. Heavens no, I had an accident a few months ago and it left me sterile and that’s why I can’t get hard.”
“I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have asked, I don’t even know you and I’m already trying to get you in bed, it’s just that your so cute that I can’t help myself.”
“I’m sorry too Mia, maybe we should go.”
The couple drove home in silence. All Jason could think of was why couldn’t I have met this girl a year ago, Betty was right all I had to do was be patient, but no I had to be popular and look at me now. I have this pretty girl next to me and I can’t do anything about it. I just wish she excited me as much as Roger did the night before he thought. Jason left Mia at her apartment and they kissed goodbye. Jason returned to his condo and packed to return home.
Jason arrived back to work Monday morning and Betty greeted him cheerily.
“Welcome back good looking.”
“Thanks, it’s good to be back.”
“How was your trip, did you have a good time?”
“I did, it was very relaxing and I had fun besides.”
“Really, what kind of fun?”
“Do you really need to ask, Tiffany went dancing and Jason went out on a date.”
“You went out on a date?”
“Yes I did and with a very pretty island girl.”
“Wow, how did it go?”
“It was wonderful at first but as the day wore on it turned into a disaster.”
“How did that happen?”
“Do you remember when you told me that I should have some patience meeting girls, you were right because of what happened with the hormones I couldn’t do what she wanted to do, I felt so embarrassed. After that the date just fell apart.”
“You poor thing, don’t worry things will get better.”
“I hope so.”
Jason had put some thought to his dilemma concerning hormones and decided that he would see a gender specialist to talk to about his feelings of what he had done to himself. His first appointment was Wednesday afternoon. He entered the office and introduced himself.
“Hello, I’m Jason Randall to see Dr. Short.”
“Please be seated and fill out these forms and Dr. Short will be with you shortly.” Answered the receptionist.
Jason filled out the forms and waited to see the Doctor, a tall man about six foot six entered the waiting area.
“Jason, I’m Dr. Short, would you come with me?”
Jason stood and walked into the Doctor’s office.
“Please be seated on the couch. I’m Dr. Don Short, I know, its always funny to see me and then I tell you that I’m Short, well most people laugh and believe me I’ve heard all the jokes about my name. When I was in grammar school the kids would change my first name to darn and then call me Darn Short and I would correct them and say that my name was Darn Tall.”
Jason giggled, he felt good about talking to this man, and he seemed to be a very open person.
“So what brings you here today?”
“Doctor, I have some issues that I have to resolve so I can get on with my life.”
“What kind of issues, as you know I am a gender specialist so I can kind of guess what you want to talk about so I want you to be as open as possible with me.”
“My main issue right now is to whether I should continue taking hormones. I had a very bad experience with them and now I’m not sure if I should take them.”
“What kind of experience?”
“I was taking the wrong dosage and almost died.”
“I guess that would be a deterrent. Why were you taking them in the first place?”
“I wanted to become more feminine looking.”
“How did you obtain them?”
“I got them from Mexico.”
“That wasn’t a very smart thing to do. This is going to take some time to know the right way to go with you so I want you to start at the beginning so I can have a better understanding of what we are working with. Did you dress as a girl when you were very young?”
“No never.”
“When did you first dress as a woman?”
“When I went to a costume party.”
“Ah yes, you and a million other men, and then what happened.”
Jason proceeded to tell Dr. Short about Xena and how popular he was and how much he liked the feeling of popularity. He then explained that as Jason he would go out and was rejected at every turn but when he went out as Tiffany he was popular again so he started to go out more often as Tiffany and his popularity was like a drug, he needed more.
“How did you feel about interacting with men this way?”
“It was just dancing, what do you mean?”
“Did it stimulate you sexually?”
“No, in fact it kind of creeped me out the first time a man held my hand.”
“Does it stimulate you when you dress as a girl, do you get aroused?”
“No I never have been excited that way when I dress. I get excited that I am going out as a girl but the clothes don’t excite me.”
“Okay, so now you’ve been doing this for a little while, when did you stop disliking men touching you?”
“I guess it was the third or forth time out, I just figured that if I was supposed to be a girl and men were going to touch me, I kind of let it happen and found it wasn’t so bad.”
“Now you’ve gotten past men touching you, how do you feel about men?”
“As Jason or Tiffany?”
“Both.”
“As Jason I still don’t like men to touch me, it just doesn’t feel right, but as Tiffany I love it. It excites me when a man pursues me and I can finally kiss him and wish that I was a woman to be bedded by him.”
“How do you feel towards women?”
“As Tiffany I have no interest in women at all, but as Jason I do.”
“In what way, do you have sex with them?”
“No, I’ve never had sex with a woman or man for that matter. I met a girl when I was in Hawaii and had a date with her and she wanted to have sex but I couldn’t get hard, I think it was because of the hormones I had taken.”
“Yes the hormones could have had an effect, but it might be more than that. Do you ever have an erection in the morning when you wake up?”
“Yes quite often until I go to the bathroom.”
“This tells me that you can still function physically but mentally you may not want to have sex with a woman, Tiffany may have taken over some of your brain functions and you have become much more of a woman than you think. Have you ever wanted to have sex with a man?”
Jason blushed and said, “Yes, when I was in Hawaii I met a man and we had two dates and I wanted him inside me in the worse way, but there was no way to do it.”
“Well there is a way but I would prefer that you not do that at this time. It sounds to me that you have become a woman in more ways than one and should probably resume taking your hormones but this time under a Doctor’s care. I’ll recommend that you start again with Sarah Burns so she can monitor you properly. I want to see you for several more sessions so you can get over some of the problems you’re having. See you next week.”
Jason returned to work and made an appointment with Sarah Burns for the next day. Jason was examined by Dr. Burns and began a series of hormone injections that day. She also prescribed hormone patches for Jason to wear. Jason returned to the office and told Betty of his decision to transition into a woman.
“Jason I didn’t want this to happen. I know it was fun to be Xena but this is over the top.”
“This has nothing to do with Xena. Xena was fun for me too but it has nothing to do with what I want to do now.”
“What are you going to say to Tom Larson?”
“I will just have to say that if they still want me to work for them they will have to put up with a new woman working for them.”
“You might lose your job.”
“I might but even if I do, I’ve been offered another position with West Coast Import and they would do anything to have me, even let me transition.”
“Are they offering a raise?”
“Yes they are, but I don’t want to leave this company.”
“When are you going to tell them what you are doing?”
“Not for a while. I want to see what the hormones do first and then I’ll tell them what I’m doing.”
“Jason this is such a big step, are you sure you want to do this thing?”
“I’ve never been sure of anything but this time I know what I want to do.”
“I hope so.”
Jason continued with his therapy, both mental and hormonal. Several months past and Jason wanted to ask what Dr. Short meant by other ways to please your man or be pleased yourself.
“Doctor, you asked me if I had sex with a man the first time I came here and you said something about different ways to do that, what did you mean?”
“I thought you knew about anal sex or oral sex when I asked you that question. Now that I know you as well as I do, I realized that you were like a young teenaged girl discovering her sexuality for the first time, why do you ask?”
“Because I want to go out again and I’m feeling different now with the hormones. I look at guys and wonder what it would be like for them to seduce me, am I wrong thinking that way?”
“Of course not, you’re a young woman now and I’m sure you will want to experiment with sex. Before you do though be sure that is what you want to do, don’t just do it to do it. Also be careful, you can catch things that can kill you so be selective and careful, make sure the man uses protection.”
“Thank you Dr. Short.”
Jason left the doctor’s office and had a lot to think about. Jason was drifting away and Tiffany was becoming the dominant personality. The hormones were doing their job, Tiffany was becoming a well-shaped young woman and her mind was becoming one that only would be defined as feminine. Jason was almost gone.
Tiffany wanted to go dancing once again and asked Betty to go. She accepted and a date was made for Friday night.
Tiffany dressed and looked at herself in the mirror. She looked hot. Her legs had become more feminine looking and with nylons on they were hot. She looked at her hips, they had become fuller and her butt pushed her dress out in a seductive way. Her waist had grown smaller and she was pleased. She looked at her chest, she still wore forms but now she had small cleavage to show the world. She took the forms out of her bra and looked again, she was flat, no more than an A cup at best. I should be bigger by now she thought but that was not to be. She realized that if she were to become the size she wanted she would have to have implants. She would have to become the type of woman her mother warned her about, not one that would seduce her son but she would become the woman that would have seduced her son. Tiffany put her forms back in and went to pick up Betty. The two girls had a wonderful evening and Tiffany voiced her want for implants.
“Betty, I’m thinking of getting implants. My breasts aren’t growing any larger and I need more.”
“Are you sure? You haven’t told the main office about what you are doing, but with implants you will have to. There will be no way to hide them.”
“I’m going to tell them this week and if they don’t like what I’m doing, well so be it. West Coast wants me and I told them what I was doing and they were fine with it.”
“I hope our company is too.”
“Me too.”
Monday came and Jason was on the phone with Tom Larsen.
“Good morning Tom, how are things in Chicago?”
“Just great Jason, to what do I owe this call, you usually don’t call me until Wednesday?”
“There are a couple of things. First I want to tell you that I’ve landed two more accounts, which should move us up above Centurion Imports in both volume and profit. The second is a bit more involved, at least for me. There is no easy way to tell you this except to come right out and say it, Tom, I’m going to transition from being a man to being a woman. I’ve been taking hormones and now it’s time live as a woman so I can have surgery in the future to become a complete woman. Lastly I want to remain at this position with Quantum Imports. West Coast has offered me a job with them with a considerable raise because they have seen what I have done for our company and my transitioning isn’t a problem for them so now the ball is in you court so to speak.”
“Wow Jason, you’ve really caught me with my guard down. You want to become a woman, why? Are you going to be able to do this job when you become a woman?”
“Of course I will, I’m not going to inject my brain with bimbo juice, I might even do better as a woman, you know how the government is about quotas.”
“Jason before I can say anything I will have to run this by the board of directors and then we will let you know of our decision. You have really shocked me with this news and if it were up to me I would let you remain because I would hate to see you working for that competitor of ours. Money can make a person over look a lot of things and you have made a lot of money for this company so don’t be to concerned about our decision, it will probably go the way you want.”
Jason hung up the phone and went to work feeling better now that he didn’t have to hide his secret. The way his body had been developing it was becoming almost impossible to hide the fact that he was becoming a woman. His hips and legs had become soft and rounded and his waist had shrunk. Betty had to remind him that he had to wear looser clothing because people would be able to see his nice feminine shape. The only disappointment he had was with breast development, sure his nipples had grown and they had become very sensitive to touch but they just didn’t want to grow beyond a small A cup, thus his decision to have breast augmentation.
Jason talked to Dr. Burns and she recommended a plastic surgeon in Beverley Hills.
“Jason, Dr. Harold is the best. He does almost all of the movie stars and you know how natural they look, I wouldn’t use anyone else.”
“Is he expensive?”
“Of course he is but this is your body were talking about, if you want to save money go to some butcher in Tijuana.”
“You’re right Sarah this is too important to save a few dollars.”
Jason made an appointment for the next week with Dr. Harold.
The following Monday Tom Larsen called Jason back to tell him of their decision.
“Good morning Jason, how was your weekend?”
“It was nice thank you. Have you and the board of directors made a decision on my fate?” Jason giggled because he was confident they wouldn’t want to lose him because of all the money he had made for them and because he had a job offer from one of their main competitors.
“Yes we have and the news isn’t good. The board decided you could remain with the company as long as you remain a man. If you decide to go through with this transition thing we will have to let you go.”
Jason was stunned. This can’t be he thought, I’m a good employee, I do a good job, why would my sex have anything to do with my performance, I must have heard him wrong.
“Are you saying that I’m fired if I pursue my wish to become a female?”
“I’m afraid so Jason, I tried to talk them out of letting you go but they wouldn’t hear of it. All they would talk about was what the company would do with a freak working for them and what people would say.”
“They wouldn’t say anything, this is California.”
“Yes it is, but where we are is Illinois and that kind of thing doesn’t fly back here, I’m sorry Jason but you have a decision to make.”
“I’m sorry too Tom but I have made a decision and I guess I’ll have to take West Coast’s offer. I really wanted to stay here even at a lesser salary than offered but if this company is so narrow minded then I don’t want anything to do with it, it’s time for you to come into the twenty first century. It’s been nice working with you Tom.”
Jason hung up the phone and burst into tears. Jason was severing all ties to his past by changing jobs and maybe it would be better this way, he would now become Tiffany full time and wouldn’t have to explain the change to anyone he worked with. He was going to miss Betty but they could still be best friends away from work, maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all. Jason dried his tears and went to tell Betty the news.
“Betty they fired me,” Jason said as his chin began to quiver.
“Oh no please tell me you’re kidding.”
“I wish I was but they said if I decided to become a woman then I would be out of a job.”
“Oh Jason, I’m going to miss you,” Betty said as the two embraced and the tears flowed.
Several minutes passed before the two could compose themselves.
“Are you going to go to work for West Coast?”
“I have to work and at least they are understanding enough to let me transition.”
“What about your accounts?”
“Hopefully they will follow me. If I’m lucky maybe they will let me take you with me too. I would hate to have to train someone new.”
“I hope you can too, I love you Jason, who would have thought being Zena would end like this?”
“I think being Zena was the best thing that could have happened to me. If it wasn’t for that I would have never found the new me.”
“But you wouldn’t have to go through this heartache.”
“It’s worth it, I love being Tiffany, I wouldn’t change a thing except for being able to work here.”
Tom phoned Jason and told him that he was to leave that day. Quantum would be sending him his final paycheck pay by mail. Jason informed West Coast that he would start to work for them in one month’s time as he wanted to have his implant surgery before he began and this would give him time to heal from the surgery.
West Coast was excited that Jason, now Tiffany was coming over to their firm. West Coast was much larger than Quantum but their sales had declined since Jason and Quantum entered the west coast market. They knew of Jason’s transition but they didn’t mind as they knew it was the performance on the job not the kind of person you were that mattered. It also helped that someone had transitioned ten years before and knew that the person in transition would be a happier employee. They just wished that Tiffany could have started sooner.
Tiffany had her surgery and ended with C cup breasts. She was off for three weeks before starting her new job. During this time she became better acquainted with her new assets. She was amazed at how much more sensitive her now larger breasts were only now they were sensitive in a pleasurable way. She loved feeling them especially in the shower while the water ran over them.
It was a week before she was to start her job so she called Betty to go shopping.
“Betty, would you go shopping with me? I need new clothes especially tops now that I’ve grown considerably,” Tiffany giggled.
“You bet girl friend I’d love to, how about this afternoon?”
“That would be perfect, see you after work.”
Tiffany went to dress. She decided to wear a pair of low cut jeans and a cute top that showed off her new assets. She looked in the mirror and knew she had made the right decision, she looked hot. She donned a pair of white running shoes and went to meet Betty.
When Betty saw Tiffany she let out a squeal.
“God Tiffany you look great. Your doctor did amazing work, you wouldn’t even know you had surgery. How do they feel?”
“They feel soft and natural, I’ll let you feel them later, lets go shopping.”
The girls proceeded to most every store in the mall. Tiffany was on a mission and by the time she was done she had bought enough clothes to last her two weeks at work without wearing the same thing over again and several clubbing outfits for the weekend. She bought practical shoes for work and even bought a pair of CFM sandals with four-inch heels for the weekend. The girls were having fun until Betty brought up something that was happening at work.
“Tiffany, I didn’t want to talk to you about work but you’re one of my best friends and I have to tell you something.”
“What’s wrong Betty?”
“The person they sent out from the east coast has been saying very bad things about you to some of your old customers.”
“Like what?”
“He’s been telling them the reason you were fired was that you were into all kinds of perversions and that someone else was making the deals with them and you were just the front person. It’s been terrible since you left, the customers are pissed because they think you cheated them.”
“I never cheated anyone. The deals I made were better than anyone else would offer. What kinds of perversions are you talking about?”
“He’s told people that you performed oral sex and everything, it’s just terrible what he is saying.”
“Does Tom Larsen know about this?”
“He would have to, he sent him out here.”
Tiffany was seething with anger, how could they do this to her, she did nothing but make money for that company and now they do this to her.
“They’ve done this to the wrong person,” she said to Betty, “I’m going to talk to an attorney about this. They can be upset about me leaving but that gives them no right to destroy my life.”
“If you need anything, I’m here for you.”
What had started as a fun evening had turned into something else, Tiffany was pissed. Tomorrow I’m talking to a lawyer she thought but first she wanted to confront Tom Larsen about what she had learned.
The next morning Tiffany called Tom Larsen.
“Quantum Imports.”
“May I have Tom Larsen please?”
“Who should I say is calling?”
“Tiffany Randall.”
“Is he expecting your call?”
“Possibly, just tell him I’m on the phone.”
“Tom Larsen.”
“Tom this is Tiffany Randall and I want to talk to you about some of the things I’ve heard being said about me.”
“Oh Jason, I didn’t recognized your other name. What are you talking about?”
“You know damn well what I’m talking about, you can’t lie to people about me and get away with it, why are you doing this to me?”
“Why, I’ll tell you why, you were making all kinds of money for this company and then you decided to do this stupid girl thing, well I’m sorry missy, that kind if bullshit doesn’t fly with this company. You thought you could put pressure on us with some phony job offer from another company just so you could live some perverted life style, well think again, by the time were done with you, you won’t be able to find a job washing dishes. You should have thought of that before you did any of this.”
“I’m going to sue you for what you’ve done.”
“Sue us? You’ve got to be kidding; they will laugh you right out of court. Do you seriously think anyone will believe some sicko dressed in woman’s clothes over a well respected business man from the mid west, I think not.”
“Tom I had a much higher opinion of you than what I have now. I didn’t realize you were such a homophobic person. I’ll bet you hate blacks and Asians too don’t you, I had hoped you would have thought twice before saying anymore bad things about me but I guess I was wrong, goodbye Tom.”
The next morning Tiffany calls for an attorney.
“Law offices,” said the voice on the other end.
“Hello, my name is Tiffany Randall and I need an attorney.”
“For what kind of case?”
“Defamation of character.”
“I’ll have you talk to Marvin Cline.”
“Mr. Clines office, how may I help you?”
“I would like to speak to Mr. Cline.”
“Are you an existing client?”
“No.”
“What is it that you are calling about?”
“My previous employer has been slandering me and I want him to stop.”
“This sounds like the kind of case Mr. Cline should be able to help you with, I’ll transfer your call.”
“Marvin Cline, how may I help you?”
“Mr. Cline, my name is Tiffany Randall and my previous employer has been spreading lies about me and I want him to stop.”
“What kind of lies?”
“It’s kind of involved, Let’s just say that he has made accusations that I have preformed some sex acts that I really have never done.”
“Why would he do that?”
“Because he is angry that I wanted to change my sex.”
“Change your sex?”
“Yes from male to female.”
“So let me get this straight, your old boss has decided to destroy your life because he didn’t like your decision to change sexes?”
“That’s about it.”
“It sounds to me like you have a very strong sexual discrimination law suit here. I would like to see you in my offices tomorrow at two PM. I will be in court tomorrow morning but will be free in the afternoon, can you make it?”
“I’ll be there.”
Tiffany had a week before she would start working for West Coast and she was going to make sure that Quantum would pay for what they had done to her. They could try to keep their accounts and she wouldn’t blame them for that, but not by lying and trying to destroy her, that was just wrong.
Tiffany bathed and decided to wear one of her new Ann Taylor suits she bought with Betty. She wore a silk blouse with the blue suit, which she left unbuttoned to show a little cleavage, with the money she spent on her breasts she might as well show them off. She added sheer charcoal panty hose and a pair of blue pumps with two-inch heels. Tiffany was a poster child for how a woman should dress when she has a career. She looked in the mirror and was pleased with what she saw, a sexy career woman on the go.
Tiffany arrived at the law offices and was escorted into Marvin’s office. Marvin Cline was a man of about forty- five years old and looked like he took care of himself, he was very handsome with slight graying at the temples and well tanned skin. Tiffany felt her nipples twitch when she saw him, my but he’s handsome she thought to herself.
“Hello, I’m Marvin Cline, it’s nice to meet you Tiffany. I hope you don’t mind me saying this but you look stunning.”
“No I don’t mind and thank you, it makes a girl feel good to be noticed after all the work we go through to look good.”
“I doubt you had to try very hard, your very pretty.”
“Thank you.”
“Let’s get started, I need to know everything you can tell me about yourself and how this whole thing came about.”
Tiffany started at the beginning with Xena and how it made her feel popular and how it progressed to dancing and then how dressing made her feel special. She explained that she had thought she was just dressing to go dancing but realized that she actually wanted to be a woman and tried hormones and almost killed herself by accident. She explained how she grew Quantum into a major player in the L.A. area in imports and exports and decided to transition into a woman. She also explained that another company wanted her to go to work for them and they are fine with her transitioning while she works for them. She told Marvin about her conversation with Tom Larsen about her need to transition and he seemed all right with it at the time although in retrospect he may have been lying. Several days later he called and told her to clean out her desk and not to come back. She explained that she found out about the rumors from a friend of hers and to see if they were true phoned several of her old clients who confirmed what Betty had said was true, Quantum was trying to ruin her reputation.
“Are any of the accusations true, have you ever had oral sex with a man?”
“Absolutely not, what a demeaning question.”
“I’m sorry but I had to ask it because if you had it would come out in court and I hate surprises. Have you ever had any other sexual relations with a man other than something as innocent as a kiss?”
“No, never.”
“It sounds to me like you have a very good case, how do you want to proceed from here?”
“What are my options?”
“You can sue them or if you want we can take them to federal court and nail them for sexual discrimination or both.”
“What would you recommend?”
“I would just sue them. We will contact them and see what they have to say and if they put up a stink about it then we might as well go the whole route. They probably think they have you over a barrel because you’re transgender but I have news for them, in California things have changed and judges have become much more accepting of people like you. After the murder of that girl in northern California judges are going to be much more favorable to you and when it comes to sexual discrimination it doesn’t matter who you are, if you discriminate you lose. It helps also that you are attractive and present yourself in a classy way, I can almost guaranty a win.”
Tiffany left and felt better for a change. She went into a coffee shop in the lobby of the building to have a snack. She ordered a coffee and a roll and sat to eat it. She had just taken her first sip of coffee when a man walked up to her table and asked if he could join her. Tiffany looked around the restaurant and saw that all the tables were taken.
“That would be alright,” She said.
“Thank you, do you work in the building, I don’t think I’ve seen you before.”
“No my attorney works on the nineteenth floor.”
“What do you do?”
“I start a new job next week at West Coast Imports.”
“Are you a secretary?”
“”No I’m in an executive position, I buy and sell merchandise all over the world.”
“That sounds exciting, have you been doing it long?”
“Two or three years, what do you do?”
“I represent farm growers from the San Joaquin valley. It’s not very exciting but it pays the bills. My name’s Mike, by the way, and yours?” Mike asked as he extended his hand to hers.
Tiffany took his hand and noted that it was strong and said, “Tiffany.”
“Well Tiffany thanks for letting me sit here, do you ever export farm goods?”
“I never have but I have thought about it from time to time but never went anywhere with it because of the special handling it takes.”
“You should think about it, there is really good money in it. Maybe I could take you to dinner and we could discuss it and if you didn’t want to talk about it, maybe you would just go to dinner with me no strings attached.”
“I would like that, here’s my number, give me a call and we can set something up.”
“Count on it Tiffany.”
Tiffany finished her coffee and left but not before giving Mike her biggest smile.
She walked to her car and took out her cell phone and called Betty.
“Betty you will never believe what just happened, I was just asked out for a date.”
“You were?” Betty giggled, “Is he cute?”
“Of course he is, he’s a fox.”
“Where are you going?”
“To dinner but first he has to call and make a date.”
“God this is so exciting, just be careful.”
“I will.”
Mike called that night and made a date for Friday night. Tiffany asked what to wear and he said it was a nice restaurant but would leave it up to her.
Friday night came and Tiffany wore a little more makeup than usual and the little black dress she had just bought that showed a lot of cleavage. She put on a pair of sheer nude pantyhose and decided tonight she was going to wear her CFM black sandals. The dress stopped mid-thigh and with her heels on it looked like her legs went on forever. She added some jewelry and waited for Mike to arrive.
Tiffany heard a knock on the door and opened it. Mike just stood and couldn’t say a word until he finally said, “Wow.”
“Do I look alright?”
“Are you kidding, your spectacular.”
“Thank you, shall we go?”
“Lets.”
The couple drove for an hour and a half to Gordon James in San Juan Capistrano. They entered the restaurant and all eyes turned to watch them, especially the guys.
“I’m going to have to keep my eyes on you or someone might steel you away,” said Mike.
“Silly, I’m with you,” Tiffany answered, saying just the right thing, Tiffany had indeed become a girl and answering the way a girl should.
Tiffany walked across the room and couldn’t help notice how much more her hips moved with the four-inch heels she was wearing, God no wonder they call them CFM shoes she thought. Mike also noticed the enticing walk by his sexy date. Mike had dated girls with prettier faces than Tiffany’s, and women with sexier bodies, but for some reason, as a whole Tiffany had them all beat, she oozed sex appeal. Mike was hoping that she would also be as sexy mentally as she was physically.
The host seated the couple and handed them menus.
“What would you suggest Mike?” asked Tiffany.
“What do you like?”
“Any thing light, a girl has to watch her figure,” giggled Tiffany.
“Well you’ve obviously done a good job at that,” he responded.
“I’m glad you noticed.”
And so the evening went, he complimenting her and she the same with him. Dinner was done and Mike suggested that they walk across the street to a nightclub to dance. Tiffany said yes and off they went. The couple found a table, ordered drinks and began to dance. The first ones were fast but finally they played a slow tune. It’s about time Tiffany thought, she wanted to get closer to this guy she was with. Mike took her in his arms and they began to dance. Tiffany put her head on Mike’s shoulder and melted into his arms. Tiffany was noticing new sensations now as she danced. As the couple moved Tiffany was feeling a caressing sensation against her breasts that wasn’t there when she had forms between her and her previous partners. The sensations were causing her to become aroused. Her nipples were becoming hard and she felt warm, God she thought what’s happening to me, but instead of pushing Mike back away from her breasts she pulled him tighter. Mike noticed this little movement from Tiffany and also notices that he was becoming hard against her, crap he thought, I hope this doesn’t turn her off. Tiffany felt Mike’s erection starting to grow against her hip, I’m having an effect on him she thought, Tiffany was flattered and afraid at the same time, she wanted this thing laying hard against her hip, but what would she do with it, she wasn’t sure.
“Mike, maybe we should sit down for a few minutes,” panted Tiffany.
“I think you’re right,” said Mike and then he moved down and kissed her on the lips.
Tiffany didn’t move away and when their lips touched, she melted and drew him tight to her body. She was hot. The hormones and sensitivity of her breasts had turned Tiffany into a sexually charge young woman, she wanted this man. Mike broke the kiss and escorted Tiffany back to their table. They sat and talked some more until Tiffany regained some of her composure. The evening was late so they both decided to leave, as they were tired. Mike drove Tiffany home and walked her to the door.
“Thank you Mike for a wonderful evening, it was magical.”
“Thank you for allowing me to take you to dinner this evening, may I call you again?”
“If you don’t I’ll never forgive you.”
Mike lowered his lips to hers and when they touched Tiffany felt sparks flowing through her body. I wish I was a complete woman she thought so I could take this man inside with me and have him make love to me, I want him so badly. The kiss continued and Tiffany felt Mike’s hands caressing her back and her nipples caressing his chest, she was becoming inflamed with lust. Never had she felt this way before. She wanted to reach for his growing erection but knew if she did she would be his to do what ever he pleased and she also knew that her secret would be known and didn’t know how Mike would react to that. Tiffany gained what little control she had and pushed Mike away.
“I had better go in,” she said.
“Good night Tiffany,” Mike said and kissed her lightly once again.
“Good night Mike.”
Tiffany entered her apartment and went into her bedroom and collapse on the bed. She had a smile from ear to ear and kept saying to herself, he makes me feel like such a woman, Tiffany was in love.
Tiffany awoke from her sleep by the ringing of the phone.
“Hello,” she croaked.
“Hi Tiffany, it’s Mike, I hope I didn’t wake you?”
“That’s okay, it’s time to get up anyway, so what’s up?”
“It’s such a nice day I was wondering if you would like to drive up to Santa Barbara and have lunch?”
Tiffany was caught off guard, she was going to spend Sunday preparing for her new job that was to start this Monday, but this was Mike asking her to lunch, how could she refuse.
“I’d love to Mike, I’ll be ready in an hour.”
“See you then,” he said as he hung up the phone.
What am I going to wear she thought, I know some shorts and that cute little top I just bought. Tiffany went to the shower and shaved her legs, and underarms exited and dried off. She looked at her hair and began thinking, it’s almost long enough now to have it styled and I can get rid of my wig finally. She applied her makeup and donned her shorts and blouse. She put on a pair of white socks and shoes and then rolled the socks down to her shoes, I’m going to be comfortable she thought, no heels. She looked at herself in the mirror and was pleased, her legs looked good, they were soft and shapely looking, the hormones had done their job. Her blouse was cute, with tiny sleeves and cut low enough to show some cleavage without looking slutty. She wore light makeup and looked innocent yet alluring, perfect she thought. I’m getting pretty good at this she thought, and I have five minutes to spare.
Mike arrived and they were off to Santa Barbara. This being Sunday meant that they were to spend a lot of time in the car. What should be an hour and a half drive turned into one that lasted three hours. Luckily the couple didn’t care because every minute they were together was another minute of enchantment. Tiffany sat as close to Mike as the seats in his 2003 Corvette would allow. Mike was making a valiant attempt at holding her hand and shifting the gearbox at the same time. Mike and Tiffany arrived in Santa Barbara and had a lovely lunch and then walked on the beach holding each other’s hand, as lovers should. They stopped and looked out at the islands and then looked into each other’s eyes. The unspoken words of love that each gaze held was more than Tiffany could bare, she reached up to her man and kissed him deeply. She parted her lips and Mike pushed his tongue into her mouth. Never had such a flame ignited within Tiffany’s body, she had to have this man. She knew he wanted her by the erection he now sported and she was at odds as to what she should do with it. She was trying to decide what to do as Mike slid his hand to her breast and began to caress it softly. She gasped and pulled him tight and lowered her hand to his erection and taking it softly into it. The couple then realized they were standing on the beach and what they were doing could get them thrown in jail.
“Let’s get out of here,” Mike said.
They walked back to Mike’s car and began the long commute home. Tiffany was on fire and as they started to drive she put her hand back on Mike’s pants. When she did she could feel his penis becoming hard once again. She knew what she was doing was wrong but couldn’t help herself, she wanted to experience what a real woman would experience with a man. She began to rub him softly which made him become fully erect, not only was this getting Mike hot and bothered but it was also exciting Tiffany. She let go of Mike’s penis and opened the zipper on his pants to free the object of her lust. She took it back into her hand and began to stroke it softly with her well-manicured nails and then looked at it. There was something very exciting about seeing her red nails contrasted against Mike’s engorged penis that put Tiffany over the edge. She lowered her head and kissed the tip of his member. Mike was in bumper to bumper traffic and was having an extremely difficult time concentrating on driving. Should he stop her he wondered, he really should but the brain in his little head said, “Not a chance,” so he let her continue. She parted her lips and let him enter her mouth, I’m giving myself to him she thought, I may not have a vagina but at least I can do this, I can pleasure my man. She slid her mouth up and down Mike’s penis until he came and not knowing what else to do swallowed it. Tiffany was still inflamed with lust, she wanted Mike to fuck her brains out but without the right parts and the fact that she was still a man in the wrong place she would have to be satisfied with what she had just done, she had in some small way just become a woman. Thankfully during Tiffany’s romp they were driving on the 101 north of Ventura and the traffic had begun flowing at a steady speed or else they probably would have had a collision. Tiffany put Mike’s penis back into his pants and zipped them back up and then lay her head against his shoulder, she was in love big time. The couple arrived at Tiffany’s and exited the car.
“Mmm, thank you for a most memorable day,” purred Tiffany.
“Tiffany this is a day I will never forget,” replied Mike.
“I hope not,” she said as she kissed Mike goodbye.
“I’ll call you,” he said as he left.
Tiffany entered her apartment and sighed, I love being a woman she thought to herself. She then came to the realization that she had crossed the line sexually, there would be no going back. What she had done with Mike was so womanly, so feminine, so giving, that she wanted to hug herself. She felt as though she was floating on air, she had done something with a man to prove her femininity and she wondered if she could go the next step and be penetrated by a man, she was at peace with herself.
Monday morning arrived and it was off to work for Tiffany. She wore a business suit and looked sharp, she wanted to make a good impression on her new employers. She entered the office building and was greeted by the receptionist.
“Good morning, may I help you?”
“Yes I’m Tiffany Randall and I’m to start working here today.”
“Miss Randall, wow, I was expecting someone older than you, you’re so young to be a boss,” gushed the receptionist, “I’ll call Mr. Williams to show you in.”
“Thank you.”
Robert Williams entered the reception area from a side door and greeted Tiffany.
“Tiffany, I’m so happy you’re finally here. I’ve heard so much about you.”
“I hope all of it was good.”
“Yes it was, but they didn’t tell me you were so attractive.”
“You’ll make me blush if you keep that up, where is my office?”
“Come this way.”
Robert escorted Tiffany to her office. Robert was a man in his late fifties, around five foot eight and had a middle-aged paunch. He was from an era when men could compliment women on their appearance with out fear of being accused of sexual harassment and he hoped he hadn’t overstepped his bounds by complimenting Tiffany. Tiffany thought he was sweet.
“This is your office, I hope it’s as nice as your last one.”
Tiffany was surprised, not only was it larger than her last office, this one had a view of the harbor and not of the parking lot.
“It’s wonderful, much more than I expected.” She replied.
“It’s the least we could do, you come with many compliments as to how you do business. I hope you will like it here.”
“If everything is like it has been so far, I’ll be thrilled.”
Robert left and let Tiffany settle in. Tiffany checked her desk and made sure the phone and computer were working. This done Tiffany started to work her magic with her clients or at least try. Tiffany had a knack for purchasing items for a fair price with future sales in mind. She would read the news of the world and see something that would interest her and then buy a product, which she knew a customer would need in the future. This way she had the jump on competitors by buying before there was a need and when the product was needed she had the market cornered. It was much like buying securities except she did it with manufactured products and paid a fair price for the product and then sold it for a nice profit, she had a vision about such things.
Tiffany dialed the phone to call one of her largest customers.
“Hello Sam, this is Tiff, ugh, Ti, ugh, Tiffany Randall, you remember me when I was Jason Randall, how are you?” Tiffany said in her most friendly tone of voice.
“Jason, then it is true what they said you did, I don’t know if I want you calling me anymore.”
“What did they say to you about me?”
“That you did a lot of sick things, I don’t know if I should be telling you this.”
“Sam we’ve been more than clients, I considered you a friend, what did they tell you I did?”
“This is embarrassing to talk about, they said you made the male employees suck you off and you flitted around the office like a little fruit.”
“Oh my God Sam, I never did anything like that, I was never anything but loyal to Quantum and would never have done anything like that, I’m so embarrassed that anyone would think that of me. I wanted to call you to purchase some items but now I don’t know what to think.”
“I don’t know either Jason, I want to do business with you but if you’re a freak then you can forget it, I’ll go else where.”
“Sam, I’m not a freak, how could you of all people say that. All I’ve done is transition into a woman and that’s it, no interaction with employees or clients, just me becoming a girl, is that so wrong?” Tiffany said as her eyes filled with tears.
“I’m not quite sure of what I want to do right now, I’ve never met you in person and maybe if I do I might change my opinion of you but for now I think we should put our business on hold.”
“Sam is there anything I can do to make you change your mind?”
“I don’t know Jason, why don’t we have lunch tomorrow and discuss it and then maybe I will change my mind, give me a call tomorrow.”
Tiffany hung up the phone and dissolved into tears. How could anyone think of me that way, she wondered. Tiffany composed herself and made some more calls on her old clients with most being cold and non-receptive, the story was always the same, you’re a pervert they would say, sick, what the hell were you thinking, don’t call again. By the time the day ended Tiffany was exhausted and extremely depressed. I did nothing to hurt these people, this isn’t fair. She wondered what she could do and then she remembered.
“Mr. Clines office.”
“May I speak to Mr. Cline please?” asked Tiffany.
“Whom may I say is calling?”
“Tiffany Randall.”
“One moment please.”
“Tiffany, Marvin here, how may I help you?”
“Marvin, it’s been terrible, my old clients won’t talk to me because Quantum has spread terrible rumors about me.”
“Is that so, well that will just strengthen our case against them. I just contacted them today and now after you told me this I’m going for the jugular vein, don’t fret Tiffany everything will be alright.”
“I hope so Marvin, I feel so bad about all this.”
“Don’t let it get you down, just think at the end of this you will be very rich.”
“I don’t care about being rich, I just want them to leave me alone.”
“They will, I’ll have an court order against them tomorrow and they will have to leave you alone.”
“Thanks Marvin.”
Tiffany hung up the phone and dialed her therapist.
“May I have Dr. Short please?”
“This is Don Short.”
“Dr. Short this is Tiffany Randall. I have to talk to you about my life right now.”
“What seems to be the trouble Tiffany?”
“My world is turning to crap. All my old customers shun me and won’t talk to me, I feel like a pariah.”
“Well how did you think you would be accepted, you did change sex on these people and many of them aren’t quite ready for that.”
“I don’t know, I just thought they would be more accepting and treat me like a woman.”
“Welcome to the world of a transsexual Tiffany. Many of the people you’re dealing with right now are afraid of change. They have their secure jobs, a family and a home. Most wouldn’t think of changing that, for example if they had a chance to have their own business do you think they would take that opportunity?”
“I don’t know.”
“Of course they wouldn’t because that would mean change and a journey into the unknown, a gamble with their life, no more certain pay checks, harder work with the possibility of less reward but on the other hand they could become wealthy but they aren’t willing to take the risk. You however are taking that risk but even to a larger extent and they hate you for it. To them you’re taking the risk they would never take and to a certain extent they are jealous of you. You are taking the largest gamble a person could take, if you fail you can’t file for bankruptcy protection because what you’re doing is permanent, you will be a woman for the rest of your life, there aren’t any do-overs. I have nothing but admiration for you but many others especially men will curse you for taking such a huge gamble, it may sound strange but they hate you for having the balls to become a woman because it shows them that you are much stronger than they are. You are able to make a decision and carry it through, where as they just sit back and let things happen. You are very lucky as far as your world goes, you have a good job, you are attractive and pretty much have your head on straight, but don’t be fooled, this isn’t an easy journey, you will be ostracized by people you thought were friends and turned away by others, this is just the beginning, you have to be a strong person to do this, I know I wouldn’t be strong enough to complete this kind of travel, but if you can stick it through the rewards will be worth it. I remember from our previous talks you had mentioned that you did this to be popular and you were popular to a certain extent, but now because of what you are doing you are going to lose your popularity again. The important thing now is that you want to become a woman, never lose sight of that or you will fail as a man and a woman. Remember Tiffany, these will be your worse times because people aren’t used to Tiffany just yet but patience will win out.”
“Thank you Doctor”
Tiffany hung up the phone and just cried.
Tiffany returned to work the next day but with her confidence shaken from the previous day. I have to get over this she thought, I have to prove that I can do this thing and not be a threat to people, I know one way that might help she thought.
“Hello Sam, Tiffany Randall here, I thought I would call you to see if you had time for lunch?”
“Hi Tiffany, I guess maybe I can find the time, I’ll meet you at Little China at twelve. We’ve never met in person so what will you be wearing?”
“I’ll have on a green suit with a knee length skirt, see you then.”
Tiffany drove to the restaurant to meet Sam. She entered and looked around hoping she hadn’t beaten him there. Sam already had a table and noticed the attractive young woman enter the restaurant. He stood and waved to her. She’s very pretty he thought, not what I expected. What Sam had expected was a man in a dress, not an attractive woman who looked like a businesswoman. Tiffany approached the table.
“Hello Tiffany, I’m Sam Waters.”
“It’s nice to finally meet you,” replied Tiffany.
“Please be seated,” Sam said as he pulled the chair out for Tiffany.
At least he has some manners she thought. Tiffany was very apprehensive about this meeting after yesterdays conversation with Sam and wasn’t sure of how he would react towards her.
“Thank you Sam,” she said as she lowered herself onto the chair.
Sam went back to his chair and sat. The couple remained quiet for several seconds until Tiffany broke the ice.
“So Sam, now that you’ve met me do I still have a chance to do business with you?”
“We’ll see, but first let’s eat and then we will discuss business.”
The couple ate and made small talk during the meal. When they had finished lunch Tiffany began the conversation.
“Sam, I really want to do business with you again. I can offer you the highest amount for your products, so what do you think?”
“I’m not sure, this Jason, Tiffany thing still bothers me, if you had been Tiffany from the start this wouldn’t be an issue and after what I heard about you, I’m very troubled with all this.”
“Sam the rumors were a lie. All I wanted was to become a woman and nothing more. I didn’t do any of the things they claim I did, they’re lying.”
“Look, I’ll tell you what I will do for you, I’ll sell an order to you and see how it works out. You seem to be a very nice woman and not what I thought you would be like and I hate to say this but I would be proud to have a daughter like you.”
Tears flowed to Tiffany’s eyes, “Thank you Sam,” she sniffled.
“Your welcome, let me pay for lunch, a pretty girl like you shouldn’t ever have to pay.”
“Thank you Sam, you’re a sweet heart.”
Tiffany returned to her office with a smile on her lips. After yesterdays lows she finally had a high point in her life to smile about, perhaps this journey will be alright to make she thought.
The week progressed and Tiffany was getting settled in on her job. The employees were accepting her as Tiffany the new woman boss, as most knew her story and of her transition. Thankfully they were used to this from the first transition in the office.
It was Friday and Tiffany received a call from Betty.
“Tiffany, hi it’s Betty, how are you?”
“I’m doing well, how about you?”
“Just great, Ron and I are going out to the clubs tonight and wanted to know if you wanted to come with us?”
“That would be fun, count me in, see you later.”
Tiffany was surprised that Betty would call her to go clubbing, as she was always the one that suggested going dancing.
Tiffany wanted to look hot so she wore the same little black dress she wore for Mike and the same shoes, she wanted to look good. Betty picked her up with Ron and when Betty saw Tiffany she couldn’t help but gasp.
“God Tiffany you look so hot, I’ll kill Ron if he even looks at you the wrong way,” Betty said all the time giggling.
“Girl friend if he does I’ll slap him big time,” replied Tiffany as the two hugged.
The threesome went to the club and Tiffany was a big hit. She walked in the door and she was asked to dance, she couldn’t even sit down. She was the hit of the evening. She only danced once with each man but she did dance slow dances and loved the feeling of the men rubbing against her breasts, it was a very erotic experience. The only bad thing that happened was that one man that was very drunk tried to feel on Tiffany and Ron had to put him in his place but other than that it was a nice evening. The main reason Betty asked Tiffany to come out dancing was that she had to talk to her.
“Tiffany this week has been the worse. Tom came out from the mid-west and they have been talking about you big time. They are really worried about your law -suit. All they could talk about was how to screw you. I don’t understand why they can’t just leave you alone.”
“They could if they wanted too, but that’s the way they are. I didn’t do anything to them and yet all they want to do is ruin my life, I don’t get it, life is to short to worry about what someone else is doing.”
“I agree.”
“What have they been saying about me?”
“The usual, all they do is make accusations about you that aren’t true, I just wish they would stop. You’re too good of a person to have this happen to you.”
“It’s alright, I have friends like you and I have a good job so everything will work out.”
“I hope so.”
The next week began and much to Tiffany’s surprise Sam called and placed another order with her. She asked why and he said that some of his competitors wanted to place orders with her and he didn’t want to be left out. This was going to be a good week. Marvin called and said Quantum wanted to settle out of court and wanted to know what she wanted to do? Tiffany was at a point where she didn’t know what to do, should she make Quantum pay big time for what they had done to her or should she just let it go and forgive them for being such asses. She decided to talk to her attorney and her therapist.
“Marvin, what do you think I should do?”
“Because it is my business, I think you should sue the crap out of them, but as a friend I think you should accept their apology and get on with your life. They’re willing to pay you enough money to make you whole as a woman and have a tidy sum left over, if it were me I would accept their offer and get on with my life.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Don’t take too long, they have given us two weeks to reply.”
“I won’t.”
Tiffany called Dr. Short to ask him what she should do.
“Dr. Short, What should I do? Quantum has offered me a settlement for trying to destroy my life and sometimes I feel that I want to destroy them.”
“If you were to destroy them, would you feel better?”
“I don’t know, I’m just so upset with them that I want them to pay for what they have done to me.”
“If that’s the way you feel then destroy them, but how will you feel after you have done that. Will you feel fulfilled? Will you feel more like a woman? When they are gone will you be happy that you have destroyed someone else?”
“No, I don’t think I would feel good doing something like that. I would be lowering myself to their level. Thank you for making me see what being destructive would do, especially to me.”
“You’re welcome Tiffany.”
Tiffany called her attorney and accepted Quantum’s offer to settle out of court. The only thing that Tiffany required of them was a written apology to all her vendors saying that they had made a mistake about her morals and the monetary settlement.
Tiffany became a force in the industry gaining a lion’s share of the market. West Coast became the number one import-export business in the L.A. basin. Quantum was losing so much business they had cut back on Betty’s hours to save money. She called Tiffany and told her what was happening and Tiffany said she would try to find an opening for her at West Coast. During this time Mike was out of town but had called Tiffany every moment he could. Tiffany was flattered by the attention and when Mike finally came back from his business in the Middle East he called for a date.
“Miss Randall’s office,” said Tiffany’s secretary.
“Hi, this is Mike Bearing, is Tiffany in?”
“One moment, I’ll see if she is free.”
There was a pause and then Tiffany answered the phone.
“Mike how are you, you’ve been gone so long, I’ve missed you.”
“Tiffany, I’m fine. God I’ve been thinking about you the whole time I was gone. How about dinner tonight?”
“I’d love to have dinner with you, what about seven o’clock?”
“That works for me, I’ll meet you at Wolfgang’s, see you then.”
Tiffany finished with her survey and went to meet Mike. She was dressed casual this day, wearing a skirt and blouse, she hoped he wouldn’t mind. Tiffany entered the restaurant and saw that she had arrived before he had. She entered the bar and ordered a glass of wine. Mike arrived and saw her in the bar and greeted her with a kiss.
“Tiffany, I’ve missed you so much,” he gushed.
“Mike I’ve missed you too.”
“I was ready to leave the middle-east just to come back here to be with you,” he babbled.
What in the hell has gotten into Mike wondered Tiffany. He was so in charge before and now he acts like this, I know I gave myself to him but he was getting scary. There is no reason to act this way she thought.
“I missed you too Mike but don’t get carried away, were just good friends.”
“I thought we were more than that.”
“Like what?” Tiffany asked, Mike was scaring her.
“Well I just thought you and I were like a couple,”
“Mike I don’t even know you.”
“But after our trip to Santa Barbara I thought we were special.”
“That trip was special and I loved what happened but that doesn’t mean that we are a couple, that trip was just special.”
“But I want you, I love you.”
“How do you know you love me, you don’t even know me.”
“I just know, Tiffany please don’t say you don’t feel the same way.”
“Mike honey please don’t do this, don’t ask me to say something that I don’t mean.”
“Are you saying you don’t love me?”
“Mike what we did was special but that doesn’t mean I love you, I have a special feeling for you but it isn’t love, that is some thing you have to build on, it doesn’t just happen.”
“But I love you,” Mike whined.
I thought Mike was such a man and now he is just a sad little boy thought Tiffany, how did I get into this kind of a mess. Tiffany wanted a man that took control of her life, not some guy that was groveling at her feet, what has happened she thought.
“Mike I like you a lot but right now I’m too busy at work for a relationship, I don’t think we should see each other for a while,” Tiffany said as she took control of the situation.
“But I love you, please see me again,” Mike said as the tears began to flow.
God how could I be so wrong about a guy thought Tiffany, I want a man not some simpering sissy.
“I’m sorry Mike but this isn’t going to work,” Tiffany said as she rose and left the restaurant. Tiffany had become a strong woman and she wanted a strong man.
That man was about to enter her life.
West Coast had decided that they wanted to begin shipping produce to the Hawaiian Islands. Tiffany was required to go to Fresno to meet with the central valley growers. She drove and was at the meeting at the Ramada early. She decided she wanted a cup of coffee and went to the coffee shop. She ordered a cup and was startled by a voice.
“Listen, I don’t give a rat’s ass who this girl is, I’m not going to give my crop away.”
Tiffany looked and saw this rugged looking man, tall, muscular and very handsome. She wondered what he was shouting about. He entered the coffee shop and said to his friend, “I have the best crop of alfalfa on the west coast and I’m not going to give it away.”
“But Jenny says that is the best she can offer.”
“Well look some where else.”
The man sat next to Tiffany and grumbled his order, “Give me an order of bacon and eggs, up.”
Tiffany wondered, how could this guy be so pissed off, so she had to ask.
”Having a bad day?” she asked as she smiled at him.
“You bet your ass I am, some stupid broad wants me to give my crop away.”
Tiffany didn’t like the stupid broad remark but had to ask anyway.
“What makes you think your crop is worth so much?”
“Because it is much higher in nutrients than most other farms grow and I’ll be damned if I’m going to give it away.”
“Let’s start again, hi, my name’s Tiffany and yours is?”
“I’m sorry but it’s been a bad day, I’m Jed Renstrom. It’s nice to meet you Tiffany. What are you doing in Fresno?”
“I’m here on business. I’m in the import-export business.”
“Really, I might have something that might interest you.”
“And that might be?”
“My alfalfa crop.”
“Why would I be interested in alfalfa?”
“Because mine will be desired all over the world. There are crops of alfalfa from Nevada that are given exclusively to race horses because of their high nutrient value and mine is even better than theirs. I have had breeders from Japan asking about my crop but I had no way to get it to them. The best part is that you don’t even have to refrigerate it, it would be perfect for you.”
“I don’t know, maybe I could look into it and see if it is something I would like to sell.”
“I have to know pretty soon because my next cutting will be ready to harvest next week and I don’t have room to sit on another three thousand acres of crop, look maybe I could take you out to dinner tonight and we could discuss this a little more.”
“I would like that, call me here in room 3042 after 5 PM, I should be done with my meetings by then.”
“I’ll look forward to it,” said Jed as Tiffany rose to leave for her first meeting of the day.
Mmm, what a good looking guy, maybe this trip will be worth while after all thought Tiffany.
The day’s meetings went as anticipated, Tiffany got some leads for produce and she also found some buyers for some of the products she imported from abroad. It was 5:15 when the phone rang.
“Hello.”
“Hi Tiffany, this is Jed. I didn’t catch you at a bad time did I?”
“No, I was just going to take a shower. How did your day go?”
“Pretty good thanks, I thought we could have dinner at 7, is that alright with you?”
“That would be perfect, it gives me just enough time to get ready, what should I wear?”
“This is Fresno so just about anything is fine. I thought we could go to a little barbeque joint out side of town. It’s small but very popular, see you at seven.”
Tiffany hung up the phone and showered. She shaved her legs and underarms and exited the shower. She was careful not to wet her hair as it was now long enough to style and she had put the wig away weeks ago. Her face was smooth, the result of the electrolysis she endured from the first day she decided to transition. What should I wear she thought, I don’t want to be too casual and I do want to impress Jed, after all it is a first date. Tiffany decided to wear a tube top and mini-skirt and her black sandals with three-inch heels. She did her makeup and brushed her hair, looked in the mirror and decided that if she didn’t make an impression on Jed he must be blind.
Jed knocked on the door and Tiffany let him in. He was wearing Levi’s, a cowboy shirt and boots. He looked like an advertisement from GQ for western clothing. Wow thought Tiffany what a handsome man.
“You look great,” said Jed as he admired Tiffany’s figure.
“So do you,” she replied.
“Let’s go”
The couple left and Jed escorted Tiffany to his Cadillac Escalade.
“Nice car,” she said.
“It gets me where I’m going,” he said as he opened the door and held her hand to help her into the car.
“Thank you,” she said while thinking what a nice guy he was and he has manners too.
The couple drove to the restaurant and entered to find it was packed.
“How about a drink while we wait for a table?”
“That would be nice.”
Jed escorted Tiffany to the bar and couldn’t help notice all the guys checking out his date, I can’t blame them he thought, she is very good looking.
“What would you like?”
“Just a glass of white wine would be fine.”
Jed ordered the drinks and wondered how he could be so lucky to be with this girl tonight.
“So, have you given anymore thought as to whether you would like to buy my alfalfa.”
“I did look into it and I think we can make a deal, I will pay you top dollar for it. I think I have a buyer for the whole crop.”
“Wow that’s great, I’ll have my foreman put the papers in order tomorrow. Now let’s forget about business and enjoy the evening, tell me a little about yourself.”
“There isn’t much to tell. I’m from Iowa originally and moved to California several years ago and have been working ever since.”
“It must be hard on your boyfriend with you working so much.”
So he’s interested in me thought Tiffany, what a sly way to find out if I have a boyfriend.
“I don’t have a boyfriend, I was dating a guy for a while but it didn’t work out. What about you, do you have a steady girl?”
“No, I don’t have time for one, with the farm and all.”
“How did you find time for me?” Tiffany said while giving her biggest smile.
“When I met you in the coffee shop I knew I would make time for you, you’re just so darned pretty.”
Tiffany blushed, God I never blush when guys give me a compliment, why now?
“Thank you,” she murmured.
They’re table was ready and they went to eat. Tiffany enjoyed the food but she enjoyed Jed’s company even more, she was becoming infatuated with this man. Dinner was finished and Jed suggested that they go to a country and western club so they could dance. Tiffany agreed and off they went. They spent the next four hours dancing and getting to know each other better. The evening was spent and Jed dropped Tiffany back at her hotel room.
“Thank you for a wonderful evening, Jed.”
“You’re more than welcome, may I see you again?”
“I’ll be here until Friday with all the meetings so if you would like I’m all yours in the evening. Are you sure you’ll have time for me?”
“Are you kidding I’ll make time for you, I’ll call you tomorrow and let you know what time I can pick you up.”
Tiffany and Jed looked at each other, respecting their distance and yet wanting so badly to kiss each other goodnight. Jed was too much of a gentleman to try to make the first move and Tiffany could feel that so she reached up to him and kissed him lightly on the lips and said goodnight. Jed turned and walked back to his car with a new spring in his step, wow what a woman he thought, she’s pretty and smart, I’m not going to let this one get away.
The next day was pretty much like the first and Tiffany was getting anxious to go out with Jed. She liked him, he was funny, cute and very respectful and a man’s man.
Jed took Tiffany to dinner again only this time to a nicer restaurant. The evening was wonderful again and this time Jed took the initiative to give the good night kiss. He swept Tiffany into his arms and kissed her with much more lust than Tiffany did the night before. Tiffany liked that he took command and was responding to this kiss. Tiffany also noticed that Jed was becoming aroused by this interaction. She felt him becoming hard against her hip. Mmm, she thought I’m glad he likes me but she also didn’t want to go as far as she had with Mike, not just yet, she wanted him to have a good opinion of her. Jed broke the kiss and said goodnight and Tiffany entered her room, her hands were shaking, she was falling for this guy big time, it’s a good thing he lives far away from me or I would be in real trouble she thought. Tiffany undressed and went to bed and dreamed of Jed all night long. She dreamed they were married and had children. They were living on his ranch and he called to her to come to the barn. She went out the door and there was a large maze of alfalfa bales and try as she may she couldn’t find her way out. She saw a light and went to it and then she awoke and she was crying in her sleep because she knew she couldn’t bear children and didn’t know where the children in her dream came from. Tiffany dried her eyes and went back to sleep.
The last two days were like the first two, with Tiffany making many contacts with growers. She and Jed were inseparable in the evenings. The last night they wanted to be special so Jed brought Tiffany to the nicest restaurant in Fresno. She wore a pretty red dress that hugged her figure all the way to mid thigh. The top was cut low enough to allow her cleavage to show and she looked hot. Jed dressed in a suit and Tiffany practically swooned when she saw him, he was so handsome. The dinner was special and the two lovers couldn’t keep from staring deeply into each other eyes knowing that this was their last night together. Jed and Tiffany finished dinner and Jed wanted to show Tiffany something special.
“Tiffany, I want to take you to a place that is special to me.”
“Where is that?”
“It’s a place on my ranch that I go to when I am stressed and need to relax.”
“If you promise not to kill me,” Tiffany giggled.
“Ah yes my dear, there is a full moon tonight and I feel my fangs growing as we speak,” Jed replied in his best Bella Lugosi accent.
The couple left the restaurant and drove east for about an hour. This was the first time Tiffany had really seen the Sierra Nevada mountain range and was in awe of the beauty if it.
“Jed I can’t believe how pretty those mountains are, and they are so high.”
“That is the tallest part of the range straight ahead, here we are.”
Jed turned off the highway onto a gravel road that led to a locked gate.
“Wait here while I unlock the gate.”
Jed opened the gate and drove his car through and then locked it shut. They proceeded about two miles through alfalfa fields until they entered an aspen grove. It was summer and the sun was just setting as Jed opened the car door for Tiffany.
“Here take my arm, it’s only a short distance to the spot. The ground is hard enough that you shouldn’t have trouble walking but hold my hand anyway.”
Tiffany did as requested and took Jed’s hand in hers and intertwined their fingers. The ground may have been hard but with four-inch heels Tiffany was having anything but an easy time walking. They walked about one hundred yards until they entered a clearing next to a stream. The stream had been dammed by beavers, which created a large pond. There was a large log near the edge of the pond.
“Here Tiffany, let me put this blanket on the log so you don’t soil your dress and then we can sit.”
Jed laid the blanket on the log and lifted Tiffany up and placed her on the log.
“Jed you’re so strong, you lifted me like I weighed nothing.”
“You are pretty light, so what do you think of my spot?”
“Oh Jed, it’s beautiful.”
“I’m glad you like it. Watch closely and you will be able to see the fish jump for insects,” just at that moment a large trout jumped out of the water and created a splash.
“Jed did you see that?” Tiffany said excitedly.
“Of course I did, I see it all the time when I come up here, we might even see the beavers.”
Jed lifted himself up onto the log next to Tiffany and put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her tight to him. Tiffany laid her head on his shoulder and put both arms around his waist and the couple just sat and took in the silence. The beaver put in one appearance and then the sun disappeared creating a beautiful sunset. As the glow grew dimmer Jed lifted Tiffany’s lips to his and kissed her deeply. Tiffany took her arms from his waist and put them around his neck and kissed him back. They continued kissing and petting for hours until the air began to chill Tiffany. She quivered and broke the kiss.
“Jed darling, I’m catching a chill, I think we should go back to the car.”
“It does that when the sun goes down, let’s go.”
They returned to the car and Jed helped Tiffany into it. He loved watching her legs when he did. He went around to the other side and got in and was about to put the key in the ignition switch.
“Let’s not go yet,” said Tiffany. She was still hot from making out earlier and wanted to continue kissing Jed. She reached over to him and touched her lips to his and pulled him tight. Jed responded and when Tiffany parted her lips he pushed his tongue into her mouth. That’s more like it she thought. This went on for a while and Tiffany was losing control. She took Jed’s hand and placed it on her breast. Jed began to caress her softly and was becoming very aroused, as was Tiffany, her nipples growing hard with lust. She was almost going to grab Jed’s penis then stopped. She pushed Jed back and said, “Jed we shouldn’t be doing this, I want you so bad but if I were to give myself to you things would change between us. I’ve fallen in love with you but I’m afraid if we were to have sex then we will have given everything to each other and there would be nothing else to give, please understand.”
“Tiffany, you’re right. I brought you here tonight because it is a special place for me and I wanted to share it with you. Just being here is enough for me and you’re right, I would hate to spoil a special evening with you, I love you Tiffany.”
The two embraced and held each other allowing their love to flow between themselves. Jed finally broke the embrace and drove Tiffany back to her hotel. They walked to Tiffany’s room and as Jed kissed Tiffany goodnight she began to feel her eyes tear.
Jed looked at Tiffany and asked, “What’s wrong?”
“I’m afraid I’ll never see you again after tonight.”
“Don’t be silly, Los Angeles is just an hour away.”
“Don’t you mean three hours with no traffic?”
“Did I forget to tell you about my twin engine Cessna, silly me.”
“You have a plane?”
“Of course I have a plane, it’s the only way I can visit my leased land that I grow crops on. I lease property near Carson City, Nevada to grow alfalfa on and I grow rice north of Sacramento. I couldn’t possibly drive all those hours every week so I have a plane. Next weekend I’ll fly to Long Beach airport and we can spend the evening together if you would like.”
Tiffany pulled Jed to her lips and gave him the biggest kiss of the night.
“Does that answer your question?”
“I guess it does.”
Tiffany went into her room and packed to return home the next morning. She couldn’t wait to tell Betty about Jed.
It was Saturday morning and Tiffany drove the three hours back to Long Beach and had a hard time concentrating on her driving, all she could think about was Jed. Sure she thought about work a little but Jed always interrupted those thoughts, she was sure she was in love. Tiffany had just gotten onto the 405 when traffic stopped. A large truck had rolled over and she was stuck in traffic. I can’t stand it; I have to call Betty. She dialed her cell phone and waited for Betty to answer.
“Hello.”
“Betty, oh God,” Tiffany said excitedly, “You won’t believe what happened, I met a guy and well, were in love.”
“Tiffany, well hello to you too, okay so tell me what happened?”
“I was at a conference in Fresno and met this guy and we went out and he took me to this special place and that was it, I fell in love with him, oh God Betty, he’s so cute and such a hunk.”
“You didn’t have sex with him did you?”
“Of course not, it’s not like that, we really love each other.”
“You’ve only known him for three days and you think you’re in love?”
“I know I’m in love, he’s so special.”
“Does he know how special you are?”
“What do you mean by that?”
“You know what I mean, does he know you’re a man?”
“No and I don’t think he would care, we love each other.”
“You don’t think he would care, if he loves you like you say he does I’m sure he will want to get married someday and have children and to have children the normal way he will have to have sex with you and you can’t have sex like that right now, so how do you think he might react?”
“I don’t know, I didn’t think about that, I just know I love him and want to be with him.”
“I’m happy for you Tiffany but you had better think this thing through before you get too much more involved with this guy, what’s his name?”
“Jed.”
“Do you plan on seeing him again?”
“Yes next weekend, he wants to take me to dinner.”
“He must be serious about you to drive all the way from Fresno just to have dinner.”
“Oh, I forgot to tell you, he has a plane and he’s flying down to see me.”
“A plane, you lucky girl, you found a guy with money, now I’m jealous.”
“You’re such a tease Betty, you have a wonderful guy already, oops I have to go, the traffic is moving, I’ll call you when I get home.”
Tiffany wanted to be careful when she drove because if she were to get in an accident there would be hell to pay when she would have to present her driver’s license and it still said Jason Randall on it. I had better start changing some things she thought, not only my license but my sex too or I’m going to be in real trouble.
Tiffany’s week started well and she was able to make some deals shipping produce overseas. She also found a buyer for Jed’s alfalfa in Japan and was able to buy it for top dollar, ship it and still make a sizable profit. The settlement check came from Quantum and now she could afford her surgery. She went to her appointment with Dr. Short and brought up the question as to whether or not she should not have her surgery.
“Dr. Short, I’ve been living as a woman for sometime now and I think I want to take the next step, I’m ready.”
“You think you’re ready or you know you’re ready?”
“Does anyone ever really know?”
“I’m afraid they do, if you really know, you would do anything to change your sex.”
“But I want to be a woman now more than anything.”
“Why now, is it a way to be more popular?”
“That has nothing to do with it anymore, it just seems to be the right time.”
“There’s more to it than that isn’t there, you’ve met a man and you want to take it to another level and can’t until you’re a woman, am I correct?”
“Yes.”
“Tiffany that is not a good reason to want to change your sex. Before I can recommend surgery for you I want you to come in here and tell me why you have to become a woman for reasons other than, “I met a man.” I sympathize with you, but I won’t make recommendations based on that, you will have to want being a woman more than anything you could wish, I bet you haven’t even told your parents about Tiffany. You go tell them and listen to what they have to say about what you are doing and then if being Tiffany is that important to you I might recommend the surgery because then you will be able to tell me why you want to be a woman.”
Dr. Short had never been so direct with Tiffany. He had always been encouraging and understanding to her wishes, why wouldn’t he help her now, a tear fell from her eye.
“I don’t understand Doctor, you’ve always been so supportive of my wishes.”
“I am being supportive Tiffany, if I didn’t care about you I would let you have the surgery tomorrow but that is a big step and I want you to be sure that’s exactly what you want. Becoming a woman isn’t because you want to be more popular or to please a man; it’s more than that. There’s something I want you to do for me before our next session that I hope will help you make the right decision. I want you to imagine that you were born without being a man or a woman, you are only you. You’ve become an adult and you have to decide what you want to do with your life, do you want to protect the people around you or do you want to nurture them. You can do either as a man or a woman but think about how you would do it and tell me what you would do next week.”
“Yes, Doctor”
Tiffany left the doctor’s office and was more confused than ever. What did he mean did I want to protect or nurture and how am I going to tell my mother that I’m a woman now, or almost one. Tiffany was shattered, I have to be a woman or Jed will leave me, what am I going to do? All Tiffany could think about was Jed and not whether she should become a woman, it would take several more days for that to happen.
Tiffany was just finishing the paperwork for a problem she was having with customs on a shipment from China when her phone rang.
“Tiffany Randall.”
“Hello Tiffany, before you slam the phone down please hear me out, this is Tom Larsen.”
Tiffany’s heart dropped, “What do you want Tom?”
“I have an offer to make to you that you would be a fool to pass up. Quantum wants you back. Our share of the L.A. market has plummeted since you left and we finally came to our senses. Here’s what we can offer, a salary of three hundred thousand a year, any kind of car you want, a house on the beach at Malibu and eleven percent of all Quantum shares. You will be on the board of directors and will have a say in all business decisions, what do you say?”
“Tom, I’m flattered, I didn’t think Quantum would want a woman on their board of directors, it’s always been such an old boys network.”
“We want you back but there is one thing, we want you back as Jason.”
“You want me back as Jason, but I’m not Jason anymore, I’m Tiffany.”
“But you could be Jason again, just think of the money and power you will have and you can keep the settlement we gave you.”
“So, I can have all that if I give up Tiffany and become Jason again, wow Tom that’s an easy decision to make, I give up being a woman and I become one of the most powerful men at Quantum, Tom, I can’t believe my good fortune, I’ve been wrestling with a decision all week and you just made it for me.”
“Then you’ll take the job?”
“No Tom, I won’t, and I’m sorry for not sounding too lady like but you can take your offer and shove it up your ass. I can’t believe you would have the nerve to even call me after what you did to me. You tried to ruin my life and now you want me back, well fuck you very much, I’m a woman now Tom and if you think I would work for a sexist company like Quantum you’ve got another thing coming, good by Tom.”
Tiffany put the phone down and started to laugh hysterically, that bastard thought I would jump for him, not anymore, I’m a woman and I’m proud. Tiffany suddenly came to the realization that she wanted to be a woman, not maybe but for certain. Now she knew why Dr. Short did what he did, he wanted to be sure Tiffany wanted to be a woman. She did want to protect others but as a woman. If she had caved in to the offer and become a man, the money would have been more important than his self-esteem. Sure he would be protecting others by being powerful on the job but what about when he was away from work, all he would be is a man with money, but as Tiffany she was protecting others by being strong willed and she knew that was the important thing, be true to yourself. Jason couldn’t nurture anyone if he was to take that job, but Tiffany could because she knew that people liked her as a person and she knew what was important to her and how people felt about her when she interacted with them. If she was to take the job as Jason he would be respected for his power as a figurehead and not as a caring person. She was so excited she had to call Dr. Short with her decision.
“Dr. Short, I figured it out, you were right, I wanted surgery for the wrong reasons, thank you for making me look at myself.”
“So why do you think you want to become a woman now?”
“Because I was given the opportunity to become a man again and I turned it down.”
“Why did you turn it down.”
“Because I realized that I had become Tiffany down to my heart and soul. The company I used to work for made me an offer only a fool would have given up but part of that offer was that I was to become Jason again. It took me about three seconds to realize that I would have to change my sex to have that job. I’m a woman now and there is no way I would give that up for any reason.”
“Now that’s the kind of answer I was looking for. I’m going to recommend that you go for corrective surgery to repair the wrong bits you were born with, congratulations Tiffany.”
Tiffany had one last chore before surgery and that was her mother and father. Tiffany was so excited about her doctor’s decision she just knew her mother and father would be too. She decided to wait until she got home to call because she knew her mom and dad would be excited for her and she didn’t want everyone hearing her squeal with delight.
“Hello, Mona speaking.”
“Mom, hi, it’s Tiff, err, I mean Jason.”
“Jason, hi you’re calling early this week, is everything alright?”
“Oh yes mom, I have exciting news and I know you will be happy for me.”
“Oh, and what news is that? Don’t tell me you finally found a girl and you want to get married,” Mona said excitedly.
“Did I hear you, Jason’s getting married?” asked Jason’s father.
“No mom, I’m not getting married and yes I’ve found a girl.”
“What’s her name?”
“Tiffany, and mom, there’s something I have to tell you about her.”
“What, she only has one leg,” Mona giggled.
“No mom and it’s not funny, Tiffany is me.”
There was sudden silence, Tiffany could hear her mother breathing on the other end of the phone and then she cleared her throat before she spoke.
“I’m sorry Jason, I must have misunderstood you. You said you met a girl named Tiffany?”
“No mom, I said I found a girl named Tiffany. She was hidden from me and I found her and I have become her.”
“Are you telling me that you’ve become a girl?”
“Yes mom, aren’t you excited for me?”
“No, tell me it’s not true, what have you done?” she wailed.
“Mom, I’ve become a girl, is that so wrong?”
“Is that so wrong?” she shrieked, “Yes it is, God made you a boy and now you tell me you’re a girl? What about your thing did you cut it off?”
Tiffany didn’t like the way this was going, how could she be so naive as to think her mother would have been excited about this little revelation, hell she was worried that Jason would fall for one of those beach hussies with the large breasts and now he was telling her that he was one of them, well duh, maybe she did get a small dose of bimbo juice after all.
“Mom, I thought you would be happy for me.”
“Happy for you, happy for you, you stupid shit, what am I going to tell your father and the family, God this is so wrong.”
Tiffany had never heard her mother swear before and knew she was in trouble for what she had just told her. Tiffany had to gather her thoughts.
“Mother, it’s not wrong, would you feel this way if I had been born a girl?”
“Don’t get smart with me young man, of course I wouldn’t because you would have already been a girl. If you told me that you had wanted to be a man I would be just as upset. Why did you do this to yourself?”
Tiffany could tell her mother was starting to cry. How could she tell her mom that she did it to be popular, God how stupid could she be?
“Did Jason say he was seeing a girl?” asked his father.
“Shut up Merv, Jason said he is a girl, not seeing one,” snapped his mother.
“Jason’s a girl? What the hell is going on?”
“I’m trying to find out now be quiet.”
“Mom, it’s just something that happened slowly, when I was Jason I had no life but when I became Tiffany I was happy and she slowly took over my life until there was no more Jason. Jason hasn’t been here for almost a year.”
“Why didn’t you say something sooner, we talk every week and you couldn’t say something about this thing, God I’m going to be sick.”
“I wanted to be sure this is what I wanted.”
“Jason, I have to hang up now, I can’t talk, I’m so upset right now. Your father and I have to discuss this and I’ll call you back but for now please don’t phone us until I talk to your father.”
Mona hung up the phone before Tiffany had a chance to tell her she loved her. She had always ended their conversations that way and now she felt empty inside. What have I done she wondered. Tiffany dissolved into tears, now I know what Dr. Short meant that I would be losing my popularity with the ones that mean the most to me. Tiffany fell into a fitful sleep. Tiffany dreamed all kinds of bad dreams, the worse being the one where she was a girl and she was visiting her parents. She was having a conversation with her mother when her mother reached into her purse and removed a penis and told her to go put it on.
“I can’t, I’m a girl,” said Tiffany.
“Yes you can, here is some glue,” replied her mother handing her the penis and a container of household glue.
“No mother, I’m a girl and I don’t want that thing.”
“Your father and I want a boy, now go put it on.”
Tiffany did as told and attached the penis and cried, “I don’t want to be a boy.”
Tiffany awoke shivering with fear, tears streaming down her cheeks, why oh why does this have to be so hard she asked herself.
The next day was a hard one for Tiffany. All she could think of was her mother and how she had disappointed her and tried to think of a way to make the situation better. Perhaps if she were to talk to Dr. Short he might have some ideas.
“Dr. Short, please.”
“Who may I say is calling?”
“Tiffany Randall.”
“Hello, Tiffany, how’s everything?”
“Terrible, I called my mother last night and I thought she would be excited for me but just the opposite was true, she practically disowned me.”
“What made you think she would be excited for you?”
“She has been so supportive of everything I have done. I call her once a week and tell her what I’m doing and she was always excited about everything, until last night. When I talked to her it was as though I had stabbed her in the chest with a knife.”
“Had you been hinting that you might want to change sex.”
“No.”
“And you expected her to jump up and down with joy because she had just lost a son and had him replaced with a daughter?”
“I, I didn’t think.”
“Tiffany, there have been many things you haven’t thought about during this transition. The only real clear thought you have had was when you realized that you were a woman yesterday and I was happy you came to that conclusion. Now you have to explain that to your mother, you have to tell her that you came to the realization that Tiffany was trapped inside Jason’s body and that you have freed her. Tell her that you were a woman all along but didn’t know that until you became Tiffany. Be kind but be firm and explain that there is no way that Jason can come back and that you want her to accept Tiffany as her daughter but if she can’t accept that then it will be her loss.”
“Doctor, this is so hard.”
“Yes it is, I warned you of that fact and you listened but I don’t think you knew how hard it would be for you. Just imagine how hard it is for girls that don’t even have a job and have to go through what you are but without any support at all, it can be a living hell.”
“I still don’t understand why my parents can’t be more supportive of my wishes.”
“Look at it from their perspective, they raised you by what you were born with between your legs. Every thing they taught you was based on you being a boy. They spent twenty years teaching and loving you and hoping you would become the best man possible. Now your telling them that they wasted all that time and that they were wrong raising you that way, of course they’re upset but with some time they can come around to love Tiffany, it’s just too early yet.”
“But I’m the same person inside,” Tiffany said tearfully.
“No Tiffany you aren’t, you were a boy before and now you are a lovely young woman and I think that is a shock for your parents. Your mother knows that if you are a girl you’re not the same boy inside that left they’re home in Iowa, that boy is gone and has been replaced by someone she doesn’t know, she’s as afraid of this change as you are.”
“But will they learn to accept me?”
“I can only hope so. Many families never come to accepting a person like you and others embrace the change with loving arms, which one yours will be, well only time will tell.”
“I love my parents so much, I hope they come to love me as Tiffany but if they can’t then it’s a cross they must bear because being Tiffany is what is most important to me.”
“Tiffany, I think they will come around but it will take time, don’t push yourself on them, be patient but eventually they will come to love you.”
“Thank you Doctor”
Tiffany hung up the phone and tried to reflect on what a week it had been. There had been the highs of telling Tom Larsen to shove it and coming to the realization that she was in fact a woman but with a few wrong parts and the low of her parents reaction of finding out about Tiffany, what else could happen she wondered, just at that moment the phone rang.
“Tiffany Randall.”
“Wow, you sound so official and business like,” said the voice, “This is Jed and I was wondering if we were still on for dinner tomorrow night?”
“You bet, I can’t wait to see you, what time are you flying in so I can pick you up.”
“I have to meet a client in Santa Barbara at noon and should be finished by 4 so I should arrive at Long Beach around 6:30.”
“I’ll see you then, kiss, kiss.”
Ahh, another high thought Tiffany, Jed is taking me to dinner tomorrow night, I’ve got to get my hair and nails done, I’ll call Betty to shop for a new dress.
“Betty, this is Tiffany, Jed is taking me to dinner tomorrow and I need a new dress, want to go shopping?”
“Spoken like a true female, of course I want to go, is after work okay?”
“I’ll pick you up at home around 7.”
“Okay see you then.”
Tiffany pick up Betty and then it was off to the mall. The two girls caught up on the week’s happenings. Tiffany told Betty of how she blew off Tom Larsen and that she had decided on having her surgery. She also told her about her parent’s reaction to Tiffany and had to stop the car because it is too hard to drive while crying. Betty comforted her until she gained her composure.
“Tiffany, its your parents loss if they can’t accept you. You’re a wonderful girl and friend and if they can’t understand that then that’s just too bad. You have friends that love you and accept you here so don’t let it get you down.”
“I know Betty, it’s just so hard sometimes.”
“Oh, oh, I’ve got to tell you, after you turned down Ton Larsen the office manager came out and boy was he pissed, he wanted to move back east and now he’s stuck out here, girl friend if you had been there I think he would have killed you,” giggled Betty.
The two friends reached the mall and started the search fore the perfect dress. Tiffany found it at Macy’s, it was green satin, low cut in front and had little straps that crossed the back and the hem ended mid thigh. Tiffany found a pair of green pumps with four-inch heels to go with the dress. Just wait until Jed sees me in this she thought.
The next day Tiffany was at the salon to have her hair and nails done. Her hair had grown enough so she now was able to select different styles instead of that cute little cut one, one must wear when one has short hair. Tiffany explained that she had a hot date and wanted to look extra special. When she was done her hair had been highlighted, she had been waxed, legs and brows, had a manicure and pedicure and made up. When she walked from the salon she felt good once again, she felt special and looked special, she looked all woman,
Tiffany arrived at home and dressed to pickup Jed. She drove to the airport and arrived five minutes before he did, she looked hot. Jed arrived and was struck with awe Tiffany looked so nice.
“Wow,” was all he could say.
“Do I look alright, this dress doesn’t make me look fat does it?”
“Tiffany, if you looked any better you would create a plane crash because the pilots wouldn’t be able to concentrate on landing their planes, and no that dress doesn’t make you look fat silly girl.”
“Thank you sir.”
“I have to change into something more suitable for escorting a beautiful woman like you to dinner so I will be right back, don’t run off.”
Tiffany found a bench to sit on and crossed her legs seductively. While sitting her dress moved up her legs covering the barest amount of them. Tiffany had very nice legs and she was creating a commotion just sitting. Jed returned and had to say something.
“Tiffany, the next time you pick me up, you had better wear something more casual because the guys around here aren’t ready for a girl as pretty as you meeting me, come on let’s go before someone steals you away from me,” laughed Jed. The couple left and went to a restaurant for dinner. They entered and were seated by the host.
“Would you like a drink?” asked Jed.
“Yes, I’d like a glass of white wine.”
The waiter came to the table and asked if they would like a drink.
“Yes I would like a Manhattan over and the lady would like a glass of Chardonnay.”
“May I see your I.D., miss?” asked the waiter.
Oh my God, thought Tiffany, the only I.D. I have is for Jason and it’s in my purse. If I show it Jed will know I’m a man, shit what am I going to do.
“I’m sorry I left it at home,” answered Tiffany.
“I won’t be able to serve you any alcoholic beverages then, sorry miss. Would you like anything else instead?”
“I’ll have an iced tea.”
The waiter left and returned with their drinks. Tiffany was worried the whole evening after that thinking of what might happen again if she had to show her I.D. card. Jed picked up on Tiffany’s nervousness.
“What’s wrong Tiffany, you seem distracted tonight?”
“Oh it’s nothing.”
“You can tell me, that’s what I’m here for.”
“I’ve never been carded before and when that waiter asked me for my I.D. and I didn’t have it with me, well I’m usually not like that, I don’t usually forget to bring important things with me especially my drivers license.”
“Don’t let it ruin our evening, let’s just enjoy each other’s company.”
“Jed, you’re so sweet, you really know how to make a girl feel better.”
The couple did enjoy the rest of the evening until Tiffany brought Jed back to the airport for his flight home.
“Jed, I’m going to miss you.”
“I feel the same way,” answered Jed.
“I wish you lived closer so we could be together more,” said Tiffany.
“I wish we were together more too but for now we will have to have a long distance romance. Just being able to talk to you on the phone makes me feel good and this way we will be able to get to know each other better before we make a commitment.”
“Your right Jed, it’s just that you make me feel funny all over when I’m with you.”
“Trust me Tiffany, you have no idea what you do to me when we are together, you effect me like no other woman has.”
“Oh Jed, really?”
“Yes, really.”
That was all Jed needed and he reached down and gave Tiffany the most passionate kiss he could. Tiffany responded and opened her mouth and took Jed’s tongue deep into her mouth. She pulled him tight to her body and felt him becoming erect against her pelvis. She wanted to take it in her hand and worship it but knew she couldn’t. Her nipples were becoming erect against his chest and the harder they became the more sensitive they were. She was in a situation she had no control of and was in trouble. Jed knew he could seduce this girl but because of his feelings for her he didn’t want to risk losing her to a moment of passion. He had seduced his last girl friend like this and lost her after they realized all they had was lust and this time he wanted something different, he wanted a soul mate.
“Tiffany, we had better stop before this gets out of hand,” Jed said as he broke the kiss.
“Oh honey please let’s not stop,” whined Tiffany as she reached up and kissed him again.
Jed kissed her back trying to control himself. Tiffany reached down and pulled Jed’s hand to her breast. Jed began to caress her softly and was becoming inflamed with passion. Now he wanted her as much as she wanted him. He pulled her hand to his erection and placed it on it. Tiffany felt a sense of relief when she touched it, it was as though it was a sealing of her femininity and that she was all woman. Tiffany wanted Jed to bed her, to tear her clothes from her body, to take her and fuck her deeply, to push his cock into her wet wanting pussy to tell her he loved her as she moaned with each thrust of his, of his, of, of, of this thing I have in my hand that I’m pushing against my own penis, oh my God what am I doing thought Tiffany. Tiffany let go of Jed’s penis and pushed him back enough for him to stop rubbing her breast.
“Jed,” she panted, still quivering with excitement, “I can’t do this right now, I want you so badly but if we do this thing it will ruin it for us, I’m sorry.”
Tiffany knew she couldn’t go any farther lest Jed discover her secret.
“You’re right sweetheart, I couldn’t help myself, you just excite me so.”
“I have to go home, will you call me?”
“Every five minutes.”
“I, I, I love you.”
“Tiffany, that’s the most wonderful thing you could have said to me, I love you too.”
The couple kissed once again and just held each other not wanting this most precious of moments to escape before Jed departed for his plane.
Tiffany returned home and disrobed. She walked to the mirror and looked at herself. Her hair was growing nicely and her face had become soft looking from the hormones. Her skin was smooth and had that certain look a woman’s skin has that differs from a man’s. Her breasts were what men wanted on a woman, well shaped and large enough to excite and yet not so large as to be freakish. Her waist tapered down to her nicely rounded hips and then connected to her shapely legs and ended at her painted toenails. I’m a nice looking woman she thought but then it was as though she was slapped in the face, I’m disfigured, my clitoris is too big and I have no vagina, I’m a freak. She took her penis in her hand and held it, it felt soft and smooth. She then held her scrotum and did the same, it was then she realized it felt disgusting to hold these things attached to her body, she wanted them gone. Tiffany still wasn’t the woman she wanted to be, she was still a man and she hated it. No longer did she care about being popular, there was a different longing now, it was a longing to be with her man, to care for him, to nurture him, to make love with him and to care for his children, his children, God how am I going to do that she wondered.
Tiffany went to bed and tried to sleep. There were to many things happening to her right now to sleep soundly, life is such a mess she thought.
Tiffany started to dream as she slept. She dreamed that she was with Jed and they were making love. She felt so fulfilled as he entered her making her a real woman. She became pregnant and gave birth to twins, one boy and one girl. She loved her children but as they grew they became her mother and father. They kept saying “You can’t have children you freak,” and she would say, “I gave birth to you and I love you,” and they would reply, “No you didn’t, you’re were man and now you can’t even make a girl pregnant.” “But you’re my children.” “Get away freak.” Tiffany awoke, tears streaming down her face and she was shaking violently, how could I have been so stupid she wondered. As she calmed down she thought more about her plight. Why did I want to be popular she thought, to the point of changing myself. Was it so important to be wanted? And wanted by whom, losers, someone who could care less if I’m alive or dead. I finally met someone that cared for me but only after it was too late and I had ruined my body with hormones and now I’ve met someone who loves me as I do him and I can’t have him because I’m not complete. The only good thing to come out of this is that I discovered Tiffany and even she isn’t complete. My mother and father hate me now, why don’t they understand, why don’t they love Tiffany as much as I do? Jason is gone and good riddance, I hated him, and I hated everything about him, especially his features, his damn delicate features, why couldn’t he have been a man’s man, why did he have to be born? Tiffany was in hysterics now, slamming her fists against her pillow, tears streaming from her eyes, better to be dead she thought, no reason to live, I can’t tell my boy friend the truth, my parents will never speak to me again, God what’s the use. Tiffany was startled by the phone ringing next to her.
“Shit, who in the hell has the nerve to call this time of night,” she thought, “Probably some drunk.”
“Hello,” she whispered, her voice ruined by her hysterics.
“Tiffany honey, what’s wrong?”
“Jed?”
“Yes, I just wanted to call and let you know I made it home alright and tell you that I love you and I miss you.”
That was all it took, Tiffany dissolved into a mass of tears. She couldn’t speak, how could she be so lucky as to find a man like this, so thoughtful, so kind, so loving and so trusting.
Jed spoke again, “Honey what’s wrong?”
“Oh Jed, I love you so, please understand, I can’t talk right now, may I call you tomorrow?”
“Please do, I’m going to be worried about you all night, goodnight, I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Tiffany hung the phone and wondered what the hell she was thinking. Was she really thinking about suicide or was she just depressed and how could she be depressed with someone like Jed. God I’m such a mess, she thought. Tiffany fell back into a sleep but couldn’t stop the dreams, each one worse than the other. When she awoke the next morning she was wasted. I have to talk with Dr. Short about what is happening to me or I will kill myself.
The next week Tiffany was in Dr. Short’s office.
“Doctor, I’m at wits end. My parents hate me and I can’t tell my boyfriend about me, what am I going to do. I actually entertained thoughts of killing myself the other night.”
“Why would you want to kill yourself?”
“So all this would be over.”
“Why would you want it over, you’ve become a very nice young woman.”
“But I’m not a woman, I’m still a man on the outside.”
“Not really, you may still have your man bits but your every bit a woman. How do you feel inside?”
“Like a pretty girl when I’m not depressed.”
“How do you feel when you’re depressed?”
“Like I shouldn’t have been born.”
“Do you mean you shouldn’t have been born at all or you shouldn’t have been born as a man?”
“I don’t know, I really haven’t given it much thought that way, it was either being born or not, not whether I should have been a boy or girl, but if I were given a choice, I would have been born a girl, I feel so complete like this.”
“Then maybe you should give some thought to completing your journey and having surgery to make you whole, now tell me more about your boyfriend.”
“He’s the most wonderful person I’ve ever met. I’m afraid if I tell him about myself he will hate me.”
“He might hate you, this is true but he might accept you too. There are two paths that you can take. One way is to be up front with him and if he accepts you for who you are, you will have a love that nothing will be able to destroy. The other is to say nothing, have surgery and hope he never finds out that you were once a man. I wouldn’t recommend that because some men go crazy when they find things like that about their wives and have been known to kill them. What I would do is have the surgery, tell him the truth after it is done and then if he accepts you as the woman you will have become then you will know he loves you but if he doesn’t, move on, you will find someone else.”
“What about my parents?”
“Give them time, all they remember is Jason and they still have a problem losing their boy and after they get to know Tiffany they might love her as much as Jason.”
“Thank you Doctor”
Tiffany departed and tried to come to some conclusion as to what she should do. Should she tell Jed before or after her surgery, or should she tell him at all. She was thinking, maybe I can tell Jed that I had an accident when I was young and can’t have children, we could adopt and then he would never know. What if someone slipped and said I was once a man, what if my parents say something just to get back at me. What if a car hits me and Jed finds out at the hospital that I have a penis. What if a satellite falls from the sky and knocks me unconscious or I fall over a waterfall and my clothes are ripped off, God Tiffany get a grip you’re really losing it.
The weeks passed and Tiffany finally scheduled her surgery. It was to take place in two months time. This would give her enough time to get her work in order when she would be off recuperating. There were other tasks for her to complete before hand like her identification had to be changed from male to female and then there was Jed, what to do? Tiffany kept thinking of what she could tell him about herself and still have him love her. They had been talking to each other every night for weeks and had an occasional date when Jed had free time to fly into Long Beach. The bond between them had grown to the point that Jed was ready to ask Tiffany to marry him but he wanted to know how she felt about being a wife and a mother to his children before he popped the question.
Jed and Tiffany were out to see a play and when it was finished they stopped at a club to have a drink and catch up on their week.
“How is your job going, getting settled in?” asked Jed.
“It’s really wonderful, the people are so nice there.”
“Having a job you like is so important, are you going to keep working if you get married someday?”
“Gosh I really haven’t given that much thought, I guess I would, why do you ask?”
“Oh I don’t know, I guess it’s just that we have been seeing each other for a while and we have feelings that might one day progress to marriage and it’s important to know what the other person will want to do after they make that kind of commitment.”
“I’ve never even thought about it since I was spending all my time on my career. How would you feel about a working wife?”
“I wouldn’t have problem with her working until we had children but I’m kind of old fashion that way and would expect her to stay home and raise them, is that asking too much?”
“No your not, how many children do you want to have?”
“Well like they say, they’re cheaper by the dozen, just kidding, but realistically maybe three or four, what about you how do you feel about kids?”
“That’s a nice number but it also brings us to another subject and that’s where they will come from.”
“They would come from my wife, where else?”
“I don’t know, I guess we should have had this conversation a long time ago. There is something you should know about me and I hope it won’t be too much of a disappointment, I can’t have children other than by adoption.”
“What do you mean, why not?”
“Because I had an accident when I was a child and it made it impossible for me to have children.”
“Can’t you have that artificial insemination thing?”
“No, I have no uterus.”
“God this puts a different light on everything, having kids is the one big thing in my life and I don’t know if I could give that up.”
“What’s wrong with adoption?” asked Tiffany, now she was becoming afraid of what he might say and for good reason because he was going to say what she feared.
“There’s nothing wrong with adoption, it’s just that I want my own kids made with my sperm and my wife’s egg. I love children but I want my own and not someone else’s.”
“Don’t you think you could come to love them?”
“Of course I would but before that happened I would want to try to have my own children.”
Tiffany could feel the tears forming in her eyes as she asked, “Then where does that leave us?”
“I don’t know sweetheart, I love you dearly and to be honest, I wanted to ask you to marry me but I want to have kids with my wife and I don’t know right now, maybe we had better go, I have a lot of thinking to do.”
The couple left and Tiffany drove Jed back to his plane.
“I’ll call you,” he said as he kissed her good-by.
Tiffany knew what he was going to say when he did. Maybe she wasn’t born a woman but she had gained a woman’s intuition and the kiss he gave her confirmed what she already knew, it was over. The kiss was cold and without feeling, he might as well have not have kissed her at all. She returned to her car and felt the dam break, the tears flowed. She couldn’t drive just yet as she couldn’t even see. Jed’s plane taxied the runway and then took off leaving Tiffany alone.
The week past and there was no call from Jed. Tiffany knew it would be a while before he would call but a week, come on, be a man and tell me that I don’t fit in your life and be done with it but don’t keep me hanging, was all Tiffany could think about.
The second seek past much like the first and then on Sunday night the phone rang.
“Hello.”
“Tiffany?” It was a woman talking in a strained voice.
“Yes,”
“Tiffany,” there was a pause, “It’s your mother. I can’t go on like this, your father and I have talked for sometime now and we have decided that it would do no good to reject you without even knowing you. We want to try to welcome you into our hearts much the same as Jason was.”
“Mother?”
“Yes sweetheart, it’s me.”
“Mom, I can’t believe it, I’ve missed you so much, how’s dad?”
“He’s fine, were both fine and what about you?”
“I’m fine mom, you know just some things I’m trying to sort out.”
“What things?”
“Nothing of importance,” Tiffany said, realizing that Jed was never going to call her again and wasn’t the man she thought he was because if he was he would have called and told her it was over. It was as though a weight was lifted from her back. She no longer had to lie to anyone about her past and after her surgery she would be a woman and not have to worry again about her past. She would be straight forward about herself and “damn them torpedoes,” if her next boyfriend couldn’t accept her then too bad. Jed couldn’t accept her for not being able to bear children, then what would he have done if he had found out about her past, no more deceptions, Tiffany had finally found herself.
“Tiffany, you have to send us a photo of yourself.”
“I will mom, I hope you like me.”
“Honey, we already like you, I just want to see my daughter.”
“Your daughter?”
“Yes honey, my daughter.”
“Oh, mom,” Tiffany replied, as her eyes filled with tears of happiness, “I have to go now, I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Tiffany called Dr. Short the next day and told him that she no longer needed him and that she was going to be okay. He could tell by her voice that she would be a woman he could be proud of.
It was a week before Tiffany was to have her surgery when Betty called.
“Tiffany are you ready for your big day?”
“I can’t wait, are you still coming with me?”
“Of course I am, I wouldn’t miss the birth of the girl I started years ago.”
“I’m glad, you’ve been such a good friend.”
“Tiffany I have one favor to ask of you though, Ron is going to a costume party and I can’t go because I’m to short so he asked me if you would go with him?”
“Why can’t you go, I’m only four or five inches taller than you.”
“He wants to go as Batman and Robin and we couldn’t find a costume small enough for me.”
“You want me to go as a boy?”
“Yes.”
“Good God no, isn’t that how all this started except with me being Zena, I swear Betty you get me in more trouble with these costumes. I’m a woman now and how am I supposed to hide my breasts?”
“Tiffany,” Betty started to laugh hysterically, “It’s April first, you know, April fools day, I’m just joking with you, I would never ask you to wear a costume after what happened last time.”
“I’m going to get you for this,” laughed Tiffany.
The girls made their plans for the trip east and the hung up the phone.
The next week found them at the hospital for Tiffany’s surgery.
“Are you afraid?” asked Betty.
“No, maybe a little because of the pain but not the of surgery its self. I want to be a complete woman and after it’s done I will be.”
The anesthesiologist came to put Tiffany under.
“Betty, hold my hand please.”
Betty took her friends hand and held it as the needle was pushed into her arm. Tiffany counted backwards from one hundred, ninety-nine, ninety-eight, ninety-sevvv.
Tiffany awoke and her mouth was dry, yuck! She thought, my mouth tastes terrible. She tried to talk but nothing came out except a little groan. Betty saw her friend was awake and called the nurse.
“Well sleepy head, how do you feel?” asked the nurse.
“My mouth is dry, may I have some water?” she whispered.
“Not just yet, you can have a little chip of ice but that’s all until the doctor examines you. Do you feel any pain?”
“No, I just feel numb.”
“If you do let me know and I will increase your medication.”
The nurse left and Tiffany fell back to sleep. She slept the rest of the day and night. The next morning she was awoke with the pain in her groin. Ouch, she though it feels like I was just kicked in the balls and then she remembered that she didn’t have them anymore. She rang for the nurse who increased her medication to counter the pain. Tiffany was awake now and wondered where Betty was. Betty was asleep in her hotel room as she had been up all night watching Tiffany to be sure she was safe.
Betty returned that afternoon and the nurse showed her how to change Tiffany’s dressings. This went on for several days until Betty had to return home, she had been there for almost a week. Tiffany was going to be here for another week and would be returning home alone.
The big day arrived for the doctor to remove Tiffany’s packing, which meant she would have to start dilating herself. Tiffany placed her feet in the stirrups on the table and the doctor removed the packing from within her. Tiffany though she would throw up when the odor reached her nose.
“Ugh, that smells,” she said.
“It’s from the blood, now let me look at you. My, my, I must say we’ve done a very nice job here, you’re healing nicely and you look like a real woman, only a little swollen. Before you leave the hospital I will let you see it but I don’t want to scare you just now because you are still swollen down there. During this next week you will have to learn how to dilate yourself and I want you walking to regain your strength.”
“Thank you doctor,” Tiffany said as she removed her feet from the stirrups.
That afternoon the nurse came to show Tiffany how to use the device to dilate herself.
“Tiffany, you take this and put a lot of lubricant on it and then insert it like this. Be very careful so as not to injure yourself.”
The nurse slowly inserted the device into Tiffany. When she did Tiffany gasped, this thing was entering her and going quite deep. This wasn’t what Tiffany had expected, she thought it would be pleasurable but it wasn’t, it hurt.
“Ouch, that hurts.”
“It will until you’re healed and then to be honest it’s going to be a pain in the ass but you must do this everyday or you will close up and you will have wasted a lot of money having this done. Some of the girls have told me though that it becomes pleasurable after a while and they actually look forward to doing this.”
“Well I wish it would hurry and heal then because this just plain sucks right now,” giggled Tiffany.
The nurse finished and left Tiffany to rest, her walks could wait until later.
The week past and Tiffany was now able to dilate with little trouble. The doctor discharged her but not before showing her the results of the operation.
“Well Tiffany, what do you think?” the doctor asked as he held a mirror for Tiffany.
“Doctor, it’s, it’s beautiful.”
“Yes it is, now I want you to take good care of it, keep it clean and be careful when you have sex, I don’t want you to return to me because you were careless.”
“I’ll be careful, thank you again.”
Tiffany left the hospital and registered at a hotel for a few days until it was time to travel home. She was beginning to feel better and decided to do some shopping. She walked to the shopping district and bought a few items and returned to her hotel. She found that her strength was returning and enjoyed the walk to and from the stores.
Tiffany finally returned home on her flight. She past through security and felt that the man checking her lingered to long with his wand but she did get through without delay. She seated herself next to the window of the plane and tried to relax. It had been a long journey and now it was almost over. She would return to work and it would be complete.
Tiffany’s eyes were shut until she felt the man brush against her arm.
“I’m sorry, I hope I didn’t disturb you?” he asked.
“Oh no, I was just resting my eyes.”
The man finished seating himself and introduced himself to her.
“Well since we are to spend the next four hours together we should know each other, my name is Doug Smith.”
“Nice to meet you Doug Smith, I’m Tiffany Randall,” she said as she extended her hand.
Doug took her hand and noticed how soft it was.
“You have beautiful hands.”
“Thank you, are you flying to L.A. on business?”
“Yes and no, I’ve just been transferred to our L.A. offices, and what about you?”
“I’m returning home, I just had some surgery to correct a birth defect. What do you do?”
“I’m a stock broker. I hope the surgery went well, you’re to pretty to have any defects.”
This guy is hitting on me thought Tiffany; well he is kind of cute maybe I’ll see where this might go. Tiffany and Doug talked through out the flight enjoying each other’s company. The plane was beginning it’s decent into LAX when Doug screwed up enough courage to ask Tiffany to dinner. Doug it seems rarely dated and when he did the women he dated wanted someone more manly as Doug was a small framed man, almost delicate.
“I guess we’re landing, I was wondering if you would join me for dinner?”
“I would love to.”
“You would?” Doug was surprised she would accept so easily.
“Of course I would, why wouldn’t I?”
“I don’t know, most women I ask usually don’t go out with me.”
“Why wouldn’t I, you’re very handsome.”
“I am?”
“Of course you are but before we do I want to be honest with you and after I tell you what I’m going tell you, you may not want to see me again.”
“What could be so terrible that I wouldn’t want to see you, you’re a very attractive woman and fun to talk to.”
“That’s just it, I’ve only been a woman for three weeks, that’s the surgery I had.”
Doug sat in silence and Tiffany figured that there would be no way he would want take her to dinner now, so predictable she thought, why were men so hung up on being macho?
Doug turned to her and took her hands in his and said, “It would be my pleasure to escort such a beautiful woman to dinner.”
Now it was Tiffany’s turn to be surprised, her eyes began to mist, “Thank you, you have no idea how you just made me feel, you’re a wonderful man Doug Smith.”
Thus began a courtship that lasted for two years until Doug and Tiffany stood at the altar to exchange vows to love and honor each other until death do they part, which they did. Tiffany became a mother through adoption and her friend Betty also finally became a mother, only she did it the old fashion way. The two friends remained best of friends becoming Godparents to each other’s children. And as far as popularity was concerned Tiffany learned that love of family was what counted in life not the adulation of someone that could care less about you.
Tiffany’s thoughts were interrupted.
“Mom!”
“Yes sweetheart?”
“Mom, Jimmy’s bothering me.”
Finally, peace in my life thought Tiffany.
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Homecoming Princess - Found and Lost Trilogy - (Revised)
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By Arecee Edited by Holly Hart & Sephrena Miller |
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Homecoming Princess (Revised) - Part 1
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Part 1 By Arecee Edited by Holly Hart & Sephrena Miller |
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I was in the middle of one of my jokes when Mr. Copeland entered the classroom. Unfortunately the rubber band holding my ponytail decided it was time to fail at that moment. My below the shoulder hair flew everywhere around my head.
“Miss Collins, would you please settle down and be seated!” Mr. Copeland ordered, with authority.
Did I hear that right? Did he just call me Miss Collins? I guess my name doesn’t help and I haven’t been in his class long enough for Mr. Copeland to know me, but Miss?
Pictures purchased and licensed royalty-free from www.istockphoto.com .
It was the third week of school and my first week in Mr. Copeland’s English class. I had been transferred into his class because of my foolishness in Miss Franklin’s class. I had been performing one of my stunts in front of the class and hadn’t noticed Miss Franklin enter the room. The rest of the students had though, but I thought the hush that fell was because of my great joking ability. The hush became laughter when she grabbed me by the ear and led me to the Principal’s office and my new home for English studies.
My name is Lynn Collins and I’m a freshman at my new school, Central High School. I live with my mother who gives me nothing but grief about my appearance. Her biggest bitch though, is about my hair. You know how moms are. If it isn’t combed perfectly, and it hangs over your ears - it’s too long. My hair hasn’t been that length since the sixth grade, which explains the rubber band that holds my very nice ponytail, thank you.
Mom puts up with the length because she spoils me. Ever since my father left us, she’s doted over me, and it’s not like I mind. Dad left when I was five years old. Mom went back to work because my father wasn’t making enough to keep us housed and fed. Mom was soon making twice what my father made and he couldn’t handle that. Mom said it was macho bullshit, but it didn’t matter to dad. He got drunk and took off in the car and that was that. We never heard from him again, except for the paperwork for a divorce, which mom signed. Mom’s a realtor and spends a lot of time away from home and when she and I are together, she lets me get away with more than most parents would. This isn’t to say I’m a bad kid; I just like to joke a lot.
Joking is my way of protecting myself at school. I’m not very tall but I am fit. I’m a member of the Central High water polo team and spend a lot of time in the water. It’s the one sport where my size doesn’t make a difference. Out of the water I’d be a sitting duck for bullies, but they respect me for my ability to make them laugh, which brings us to the moment.
I was in the middle of one of my jokes when Mr. Copeland entered the classroom. Unfortunately the rubber band holding my ponytail decided it was time to fail at that moment. My below the shoulder hair flew everywhere around my head.
“Miss Collins, would you please settle down and be seated!” Mr. Copeland ordered, with authority.
Did I hear that right? Did he just call me Miss Collins? I guess my name doesn’t help and I haven’t been in his class long enough for Mr. Copeland to know me, but Miss? I had to set him straight.
“It’s not Mi-,” I was able to blurt out before Mr. Copeland cut me off.
“Not another word Miss Collins, or I’ll send you to the principal,” Mr. Copeland shouted, emphasizing the point by slamming his hand on his desk.
I knew arguing with Mr. Copeland at this moment would be fruitless, so I kept my mouth shut. I would meet with him after class to correct his mistake. Unfortunately my only friend in the class, Mindy, decided his error about my gender was something to laugh about.
“Would you like to share your joke with the rest of the class, Mindy, or would you like to join the excursion to the principal’s office with Miss Collins?” he asked.
“I’m sorry Mr. Copeland. It won’t happen again,” she responded, with a giggle.
“I hope not, Mindy. Okay class, now that our entertainment is over, please open your books to page 47 and we’ll review yesterday’s lesson.”
Mr. Copeland began his review. I looked at Mindy and watched her smirk at me while she tried to stifle her giggles. How in the world could Mr. Copeland have mistaken me for a girl? Granted, I’m not very tall, but geez, I am built like a boy.
Mr. Copeland’s drone ended at the sound of the class bell ringing, to send us off to our next class. Mindy came out of her seat like a shot and ran to me. She grabbed my hand and dragged me out of the room.
“Oh my God Lynn! That was so funny!” she laughed.
I wondered what could be so funny about walking to our second period class. I thought Mindy had lost her mind. “What’s so funny?”
“Mr. Copeland, silly! Thinking you were a girl. I thought I would pee my panties when he called you Miss Collins.”
“I couldn’t help it if my stupid rubber band broke. Let me go back and tell him he made a mistake. Tomorrow everything will be back to normal,” I said.
“Don’t you dare! This is too good to pass up.”
“What are you talking about Mindy?”
“Your hair! Everyone knows you like a good joke. What better way to fool Mr. Copeland?”
“Hello? Earth to Mindy - am I missing something here?”
“You silly goose. This will be the perfect joke! When you go to class, let your hair down and let Mr. Copeland think that you’re a girl. You know how anal he is. We’ll clue in the rest of the class and watch him make a fool of himself every morning. Come on Lynn, this will be fun!” Mindy implored.
Mindy was right, I did like a good joke, but having a teacher assume I was a girl didn’t sound like much of a joke to me. Being small was bad enough, and this would be a blow to my masculinity - a girl, indeed.
“That idea is plain stupid Mindy. I think I would rather put stickum on his desk drawer pulls.”
“Lynn, you’re such a wuss! Please... just try it tomorrow and see the reactions of the other kids? You’ll see! It’ll be funny,” she said.
My resolve was melting, and Mindy could see it by the expression on my face. What harm could come from one day. anyhow?
“Okay Mindy. I’ll do it. But one day only,” I said.
“Ooo, I knew you would,” she exclaimed excitedly, then gave me a hug.
Mindy’s hug made it worthwhile giving in to her.
The next day Mindy met me before class. “Take out your rubber band, Lynn, I want to do something extra to you hair,” she said.
“What extra?” I asked.
“I have to brush it a little bit. You have to look nice.”
I removed the rubber band and pushed it into my pocket. I would need it after Mr. Copeland’s class. Mindy brushed my hair and pulled it around a bit. When she finished she smiled at her accomplishment.
“There, that’s better, not perfect, but better than a bunch of hair flying around with no purpose,” she said, as she put her brush back in her purse.
We walked into class and heard the giggling of some of the students. They knew what was coming at roll call, and much to my dismay, I did too.
Mr. Copeland called roll and was nice enough to mention that he liked the fact that I had groomed my hair nicely for a change, and finished the compliment with, “Miss Collins.”
The class broke up, with predictable results. Mr. Copeland was furious at the outbreak.
“I don’t know what’s so damn funny, class! There’s nothing wrong with complimenting a young lady on her appearance. You young men should know that! I see enough of you boorish behavior around this school.”
That put the class over the top. Even I was laughing at Copeland’s remarks. I guess Mindy was right; girling up my hair would be funny!
Mindy and I continued our little prank for the next two weeks. I was tiring of it and was going to tell Mindy it was time to quit. The other students weren’t laughing anymore, and the before class and after class nonsense with my hair had worn thin.
Mindy beat me to the punch. After school one day, we stopped by her place, and she got a crooked little smile on her face. “Lynn, I was thinking, why don’t we play a prank on the whole student body?”
I didn’t like the look she had on her face when she asked me that question. “What kind of prank?” I asked nervously.
I knew how devious Mindy could be, and she knew I would do most anything she asked me to do. I was dead meat when it came to pranks. My hair thing with Copeland had proved that.
“Well, you know the homecoming game and dance are three weeks a way. You know how excited everyone is about nominating their class’s prince and princesses? I was thinking I should nominate you!” she giggled.
“Me? Have you lost your mind? I’m too short to be a prince. The poor princess would be looking over my head,” I replied.
“Not for prince silly, for princess!” she laughed.
I felt my stomach drop. She couldn’t be serious! I knew Mindy had to be teasing me. “You’re not serious are you?” I asked.
“Of course I’m serious! Think of what fun it will be fooling the whole school!”
“Mindy, fluffing my hair for Copeland’s class is one thing, but what you’re asking... can’t happen!” I replied.
“Why not? It would be fun!”
“Well for one thing, I’m not a girl. Don’t you think someone might notice something was missing?” I pointed at my chest.
Mindy giggled when I said that. “You silly goose! All I’ll need is a head shot. We’ll make some posters with your picture on them and ask for their vote. It’s simple. You won’t win, but it would be funny afterward to let everyone who voted for you know that they were voting for a boy.”
“That’s not funny! What happens if I win?”
“You won’t win. Ashley already has enough votes in our class to become princess. Come on Lynn, what could possibly go wrong? Please?”
I started thinking about it and my little devil made my decision for me. You know the one? It was like those cartoons with the good angel on one side and the bad devil on the other. I let the bad devil win the argument since I thought I would be safe.
“Okay, but I can’t look like a clown,” I said.
“Thank God, Lynn! I knew you would do it! I already talked to the event coordinator and submitted your name.”
“You already submitted my name?”
“I had to. Today was the last day, and I knew you would want to pull this thing off.”
“You know me too well, Mindy. This might be my best prank yet,” I laughed.
“Miss Benson let me slide on having your picture until tomorrow, but she said if I didn’t have to her first thing in the morning, you’d be disqualified.”
“I don’t have a picture, so I guess we’re out of luck,” I said with relief.
“Of course you don’t have a picture. I haven’t taken one yet, but before I do, I have to make you into a girl.”
“How are you going to do that?”
“Come on, I’ll show you.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room.
“Sit!” She pointed at a stool in front of a vanity covered with makeup, then turned me to face her. She looked intently at the face of the boy she was going to try to make beautiful. Pulling my hair into a ponytail, she put a scrunchy around it to keep my hair off my face. So far, this had been easy. When I saw the tweezers, I wondered what I had on my face that needed removal. I felt the first eyebrow hair pull out and yelped.
“Sissy! I do this all the time to myself. I only have to pull a few hairs, so this won’t take long,” Mindy said.
Mindy was truthful for once, well kind of. She didn’t take long pulling hairs from my eyebrows, but I had never seen her hands move so fast. After the first sharp pull of the tweezers, the rest became a blur of mild tugs. I hadn’t noticed how much of my brows were disappearing, but Mindy did. She had shaped my brows very nicely but hadn’t realized how much she had plucked until it was too late. Mindy might have been young, but she was an expert at shaping a woman’s brows. She had a look of concern on her face as she began my makeup.
Mindy is fourteen, as am I, but she had the skills of someone much older. She brushed on eye shadow, feathering it softly below my now, very plucked brows. Next came the eyeliner and mascara. She finished by lining my lips with a brush and drawing on lipstick. I thought she was finished - but then she added lip-gloss so that my lips would shine.
I had become mesmerized by what she was doing to me and sat in silence. She removed the scrunchy from my hair and brushed it until it shone. She found a pair of scissors and clipped a little here and a little there. She brushed some more and then sprayed my hair to hold it in place.
When she stepped back and looked at me, she gasped, “Oh my!”
“What’s wrong? Do I look like a clown?” I asked.
“No! Just the opposite. You’re beautiful! Look in the mirror.”
I turned around towards the mirror and stared at the gorgeous stranger looking at me. Her gaze unnerved me as I watched her continue to stare. Why was she looking at me so intently? And why did she have such a look of surprise on her face? I smiled and the beauty returned the gesture. Oh my God! What have we done? It was at that moment I knew what could go wrong.
“Mindy… my God… what are we going to do? I’m gorgeous!” I stammered.
“Take some pictures,” she giggled.
“I’m serious, Mindy! What if I win?”
“I told you not to worry. Ashley has this thing in the bag. She’s the most popular girl in our class, and she’s been campaigning for weeks. I promise you, Lynn, there’s no way you’ll beat her.”
“I hope not,” I replied nervously.
Mindy got a blouse with a scooped neck for me to put on. It was kind of cute; at least that’s what I think a girl would say about it. Mindy took at least twenty pictures of me, and then placed the camera on a tripod and joined me as the timer tripped the lens. We giggled and posed like two schoolgirls. I was having a different kind of fun with Mindy than I usually had. We were two girls having fun, and it was having a profound effect on me. I felt different, and I didn’t know why.
“We’re done with the pictures Lynn, so it’s time to take your war paint off,” Mindy said.
I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror for the last time. I liked the way Mindy had styled my hair. It looked like that girl on ‘Friends’. I had always had a crush on her, but I had never thought I’d ever look like her! The tendrils framed my face and I stared at my reflection. Who are you? I wondered.
I removed my makeup and brushed my hair into a ponytail again. I still looked like a girl. I hadn’t counted on my eyebrows making such an impact. At least Mr. Copeland wouldn’t wonder about them, and hopefully, no one else will notice.
Mom was still at work when I got home so I was able to let my hair down and cover the damage. She didn’t notice anything different so I went to bed after I did my homework and ate dinner.
The next day Mindy gave my photos to Miss Benson. If I had been aware of their conversation, I would have withdrawn from the contest.
“Here’s Lynn’s photo, Miss Benson,” Mindy said, as she handed my best photo to the contest director.
“My goodness! What a beautiful girl! I’m surprised I haven’t seen her around here before,” Miss Benson remarked.
“She’s very shy and keeps to herself. She doesn’t like to be noticed,” Mindy said.
“Well after the students see her picture, I wouldn’t doubt it if she were to be princess,” Miss Benson said.
“I doubt that. I talked to Ashley, and she told me she has the freshman class sewed up,” Mindy said, with all the confidence in the world.
“Ashley might win the freshman class, Mindy, but the prince and princesses are a total vote of all the classes. After looking at your friend’s picture, I doubt Ashley has a chance. Lynn is much to pretty to lose.”
“I’ll let Lynn know. Thank you Miss Benson,” Mindy said, as she walked toward the door.
“Oh, before you go, Mindy. I forgot to ask you what Lynn’s favorite charity is. If she wins, the school sends one hundred dollars to it in her name. Do you know which one she would like?”
“Um, I think the Cancer Society?” Mindy answered haltingly.
“That’s a good selection, Mindy. You’d better get to class, or you’ll be late.”
“Thank you, Miss Benson.”
Mindy felt sick at the realization that she and Lynn had make a very big mistake. This wasn’t a silly prank anymore and her best friend, a boy, was about to win something he shouldn’t.
“What did Miss Benson say?” I asked, as my very distraught friend walked toward me.
“She said not to worry, Ashley was a shoo in,” Mindy lied to me.
“Thank God! I don’t know what I would do If I were to win,” I said, feeling relieved.
The days passed and the final votes were counted. Mindy’s greatest fears were realized. I had won homecoming princess for the freshman class. To make things worse I was pissed! My best friend had lied to me and promised me that I would lose!
“Mindy, how could you?” I spat out, as I walked toward my friend.
“I’m so sorry, Lynn. I didn’t know,” Mindy groveled, as tears filled her eyes.
“You promised me that this would all be a joke! ‘Don’t worry Lynn, you won’t win.’ God, what am I going to do?” I asked.
“I don’t know Lynn. This is so messed up!” Mindy sobbed.
I’m a sucker for tears and hated to see my best friend in this state of grief. It went right to my heart. “Mindy, please... stop crying. We have to think of something we can do about this.”
“The only thing I can think of is to confess to what we’ve done and take the consequences,” she replied.
“Okay. We can go tomorrow before school. It’ll make Ashley’s day when she becomes princess.” I laughed, trying to mask my own nervousness.
The next morning we walked into Miss Benson’s office to confess our misdeed.
“Good morning, Mindy. How may I help you?” Miss Benson asked, in her most cheerful voice.
“Miss Benson, there’s something you must know about Lynn,” Mindy said.
“What’s that Mindy? Is she pregnant?” she laughed.
Pregnancy had become a big topic as of late. Several girls had tested positive and all girls were now suspected of giving up their virginity without using protection. Miss Benson was making a joke, but what Mindy was going to tell her would make her laugh until she cried. Maybe the crying would be more like it, without the laughs.
“Miss Benson, this is Lynn. He’s a boy,” Mindy said as her eyes filled with tears.
I was standing facing Miss Benson. I was wearing my usual boy clothes and my hair was pulled into a ponytail. The only thing feminine about me was my eyebrows, and even they didn’t look it today. I watched as Miss Benson’s face turned pink, and then red. It wasn’t one of those pretty sunset reds either. It was a purplish red that said ‘I’m going to kill you!’
“Mindy, is this some kind of joke? If it is, it isn’t funny,” Miss Benson said.
“No Miss Benson, I wish it was.”
Miss Benson sat in silence, looking first at Mindy and then at me. I could tell she was trying to gain control of her anger at us, and was failing miserably.
“Do you have any idea as to what you’ve done?”
“No, Miss Benson,” I answered.
“I’ll tell you what you’ve done. You’ve committed fraud. To make things worse, you could embarrass the school and add fuel to the argument that we should discontinue these popularity contests. The people that want this stopped don’t realize the good the contest does for the community. Are you two even aware of the commitment for the princesses?”
Mindy and I were silent and the look on our faces said it all.
“No, I didn’t think you did. When the votes were tabulated, the school sent a donation to your favorite charity Lynn. It was accompanied with your picture from the posters you used to get elected. I’m sure you wonder what harm could come from that? The harm, dear boy, is that you have to personally present the check to that charity at a luncheon three days before the homecoming game.”
“But I didn’t tell anyone that I had a favorite charity,” I stammered.
“Your friend Mindy helped you out there. She picked the Cancer Society. That isn’t the only obligation you have either. The day following the game, you have to make an appearance at Mid-town Convalescent Hospital. This was a tradition started forty-two years ago, and we haven’t missed a year since. This kind gesture has led to donations from many of the lonely people whose lives are brightened by this small visit into their lives.”
“But Miss Benson … How am I supposed to do that?” I asked.
“I’m not finished, Lynn. The day of the game, Styles Spa donates a complete makeover for the girls. Because of their generosity we let them advertise on the back page of the game program. These are three things we do for the community, and doesn’t include the responsibilities that you have for the school.”
“Don’t we just have to show up for the game?” I asked.
Miss Benson smirked when I asked that. “You silly little man, the game is the easy part for you! Before the game, we have the photo session with the Midtown Chronicle, and after the game you have to attend the homecoming dance. My sweet Princess, you’re going to have a busy week before the game.”
“But Miss Benson, can’t we give the Princess title to Ashley?” Mindy asked.
“Weren’t you listening, Mindy? Lynn’s picture has been distributed to the Cancer Society, and we also sent the same picture to the newspaper. No, dear girl, you two had better come up with a plan that won’t embarrass the school, and I want it by tomorrow.”
“Yes, Miss Benson,” Mindy replied.
Mindy and I left Miss Benson’s office and walked toward our lockers. “God Lynn… what are we going to do?” she asked me.
“Don’t ask me. This was your brilliant idea!” I responded angrily.
“I’m so sorry Lynn. I didn’t mean for this to happen. God, if my parents find out about this, I’ll be grounded for the rest of my life!” Mindy moaned.
“You’ll be grounded? What about me? If my mom finds out that I was impersonating a girl to win Homecoming Princess, you might as well find a gun and shoot me. Mindy, I’m so screwed.”
“Lynn, I’m sure we’ll think of something.”
“I hope so. Let’s get to class. We can talk about this at lunch,” I said.
Mindy and I walked to our class with Copeland. My stomach was in turmoil as thoughts of what I could do to get out of this ridiculous situation raced through my head. My mind had gone completely blank with worry. I didn’t even hear Mr. Copeland call my name for roll.
“Miss Collins. Miss Collins? Do you intend joining us today?” Mr. Copeland sarcastically inquired.
“I’m sorry Mr. Copeland,” I replied, as the class erupted in laughter.
The rest of the class went the same as my mind drifted, trying to think of a solution to my problem. The next three periods went like the first. My level of concentration had never been lower. By the time lunch break came I thought I would puke.
I joined Mindy by our lockers and we took our conversation outside. “Mindy, I haven’t been able to think of anything to help me out of this mess. Have you thought of anything?” I whined.
“Um, well, I did come up with one thing we might try, and I think it might work,” she replied.
“What?” I asked hopefully
“You have to promise not to get mad…” she said.
“If we can get me out of this mess, I’ll love you forever!”
“Promise first.”
“God Mindy, okay! I promise not to get mad at you.”
“Okay, you promised.”
“Will you please tell me what you want to do?” I begged.
“You’re going to have to become Lynn, the Princess.”
“I already am Lynn the Princess.”
“Right now, you’re Lynn - the boy Princess! You have to become Lynn - the girl Princess.”
“I can’t do that! I’m a boy.”
“Actually, you can. I can help you, and it won’t be hard to do.”
“How are you going to do that?”
“After school, you have to come home with me. I’ll show you how easy it is. Trust me. Lynn. Everything will work out,” Mindy said.
“I trusted you before, and look what it got me into,” I said.
“This will be different. If you look like I think you will, we’ll practice until homecoming. No one will suspect that you aren’t a girl by then.”
“For both of our sakes, I hope not. I think we should tell Miss Benson what we want to do. If she doesn’t go along with it, then we might as well not try.”
“I guess we should say something to her. I’ll meet you after school and we’ll see her.”
I met Mindy at the lockers and we went to Miss Benson’s office together.
“Well, if it isn’t the bane of my existence,” Miss Benson growled as we entered her office.
“Miss Benson? Lynn and I think we have a solution to our problem,” Mindy stated.
“And what’s that Mindy? Do you have some magic device to turn Lynn into a girl?”
“Um, not exactly, but you’re right about turning Lynn into a girl.”
“Ah, and how do you propose to do that?”
“I’ll train Lynn to act like a girl until this is all over. It shouldn’t be too hard, he really is very pretty.”
Miss Benson thought for a while before she spoke.
“Okay Mindy, I’ll allow it, but if anything bad happens, I’ll disavow any knowledge of your idea. You had better pray that this will work.”
“It will Miss Benson. I just know it will.”
“Lynn, how do you feel about doing this?” Miss Benson asked.
“I’m okay with it as long as it works. If I get caught though, I’ll be dead meat.”
“Well, I’ll help anyway I can. There are some things I’ll bring to school tomorrow. Don’t you dare mention this to anyone else. Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes, Miss Benson,” we both dutifully answered.
Mindy and I walked home to her house after our meeting with Miss Benson. It was time for Mindy to turn the duckling into a swan.
“Let’s get something to drink. Want a Cokeâ„¢?” Mindy asked, as we walked into her kitchen.
“Sure.”
Mindy took two cans from the fridge and opened them for us. “We have a lot to do if this is going to work. You’re going to have to become a girl as much as possible. That means learning makeup and fashion. You’re also going to have to groom yourself like girl, and we don’t have a lot of time for you to learn. All I ask is that you try as hard as you can for me, okay?”
“I’ll try Mindy. I trust you and I’ll do whatever you ask me to do.”
I felt defeated. I had allowed Mindy to talk me into this stupid thing in the first place, and now I was putting my life in her hands. I was screwed, no matter which way I went. Miss Benson had as much as said my life would be over if we didn’t make this thing right, and I didn’t know what else I could do except trust Mindy. My life felt like it was spiraling out of control.
Did I really want to try to be a girl? I had never really thought about that. When Mindy had made me up for the pictures, it had been fun. It was just fun though, nothing serious … except for the contest screw up.
If it hadn’t been for that, I would have been like any other boy, curious as to what I would look like as a girl. Now, everything had changed. I had to become a girl, at least temporarily, and I wasn’t so sure I wanted to. I remembered the last time I had seen myself as a girl, and I’d asked myself who was I? Was I going to become the stranger I had seen in the mirror? And what would it do to me on the inside? I honestly had no clue how I really felt about all of this.
I had never given much thought about becoming a man, other than the usual guy talk with the few friends I had. Those conversations were pretty much limited to, ‘I wonder if she’s real’ with regards to a girl’s breasts.
We never talked about how hairy we would become or how muscular; it was always little boy talk tittering about anything sexual. Now I was going to cross the line to the other side and I didn’t know the first thing about the side I was already on. I hadn’t started puberty - heck I hadn’t even turned fourteen yet! Now I was about to become a girl. The girls my age in school were starting to develop in their bodies. What would this do to my thinking?
Mindy interrupted my thoughts. “Lynn, are you alright? You look a bit sick.”
“Sorry, Mindy, I’m okay. I’m just worried that this might not work.”
“You silly girl! Of course it will work.”
“I’m not a girl Mindy. And it scares me when you think that I am.”
“I know you’re not. But it will help if I think of you as my girlfriend and it’ll help you, too. You have to become a girl for this to work, Lynn.”
“I know… but I’m worried something bad might happen.”
“Like what?”
“I could get beat up, or, I could, you know… like it too much,” I whispered.
“Lynn, all you have to do is play at this. You’re taking this much too seriously! No harm will come to you. You’ll probably be sick of being a girl when this is over.”
“I hope so. Okay, where do we start?”
“We start skin deep. You’re not very hairy, but what little you have must go. I want you to jump in the shower while I find some clothes for you to wear. While you’re in there, shampoo and condition your hair. You’ll find a pink razor on the windowsill. You’ll need to shave your legs and underarms. Be careful not to cut yourself.”
“Mindy, I’ve never shaved before. Do I just pull the shaver up my legs?”
“No silly, soap your legs first, that way it won’t drag on your skin.”
“Um, okay.”
I removed my clothes and stepped into the shower. Doing my hair was easy, although I didn’t use conditioner at home. Mindy’s shampoo was a little different than mine. Hers smelled like flowers, while mine didn’t smell much of anything. I washed the conditioner from my hair and had arrived at the moment of truth. It was time for me to shave.
I had always thought that one day I would look in a mirror, grab a can of shaving jell and lather my face. It would prove that I had finally become a man. I could decide whether or not to shave my upper lip, with the hope of growing a moustache or let my sideburns grow long. Now though, I had to confront something altogether different. I had to shave like a woman to rid myself of hair to make myself attractive for men. Did I really want to do this? It didn’t matter whether I wanted to or not. Miss Benson had laid down the law, and this was the first step, like it or not.
I lathered my leg with soap like Mindy asked me to do, but the running water washed it off as fast as I put it on.
“Mindy, I can’t keep the soap on my legs,” I shouted out to her.
Mindy walked into the bathroom and covered her mouth as she giggled, ”Oops! I forgot you aren’t a girl yet.”
I tried to cover myself with my free hand, which was easy, considering the lack of size down there.
Mindy could hardly conceal her laughter as she looked away from me.
“Lynn, put your foot on the shower wall and then lather it. That way the soap won’t come off.” She giggled, “Shall I turn around and show you how?”
“Don’t you dare,” I answered.
Mindy left the bathroom and I did as she instructed. I placed my foot on the shower wall and lathered my leg with the soap. It stayed on like she said it would. I placed the razor on my leg at my ankle and held it there. Would I have the courage to pull it up my leg? If I did, I was giving in to femininity. Oh sure! I knew guys on the swim team shaved their whole bodies, but I wasn’t going to delude myself to think I was doing this for swimming! I was doing it to become a girl! My hand shook as I tried to pull the razor up my leg. Mindy finally broke the spell I had cast on myself.
“Hurry up Lynn! We don’t have all day,” she shouted.
“Okay,” I mumbled.
The razor moved ever so slightly up my calf. It didn’t hurt and to be honest it felt kind of sensual. All my angst had been for nothing. I felt relief as the razor reached the top of my thigh. After that the shave went quickly. I finished my legs and did my pits next. I finished and knew why girls called them underarms, because they felt sexy. I turned off the water and exited the shower. I dried myself with a towel Mindy had brought to me. I felt my legs and much to my concern, they felt nice. They were soft and smooth and as I glanced down at them I realized they were very pretty.
“Lynn, here are your undies.” Mindy handed me a tiny bit of cloth that had lace all over it.
“What are these?” I asked.
“Panties. You certainly don’t think you’re going to become a girl wearing boxers, do you?”
I don’t know what I’d thought, but wearing panties wasn’t one of them.
“Do I have to?” I asked.
“Yes, you have to. Lynn, you’re going to have to get used to wearing nice things like those panties. By the time the Homecoming gets here, you’ll love wearing nice lingerie.”
All of this shaving and paying attention to things girls do was doing something to me, not just on the outside, but on the inside too. My legs looked pretty as did the rest of me, in a flat sort of way. I liked the way I looked. I also liked the way I felt. I felt softer, not just outside, but inside as well. I felt girlish, and I liked it. I felt as though a whole new person was being born.
“We have to something with your chest. Here’s one of my bras. I’ll help you put it on, but next time you’ll have to do it.”
I put my arms through the straps and Mindy hooked the strap behind my back. She started giggling when she saw my chest.
“What’s so funny?” I asked.
“We need to put something in those cups,” she laughed.
I looked and tried to stifle a giggle. The bra looked silly on my flat chest. Mindy took some pantyhose from her drawer and pushed them into the bra cups. It looked better. It also felt wonderful in a scary sort of way. The tightness of the strap around my chest was waking something inside of me. I tried to ignore it, but I couldn’t. I shouldn’t like this… but I was embracing what was happening to me. I looked at the mirror on the door and saw a girl! My hair was messed up and I had no makeup on - but I was a girl nonetheless! I smiled and the girl smiled back at me.
I wondered if this whole thing was going too far. I didn’t mind being made to look like a girl, but what it was doing to me inside seemed altogether wrong. I wanted so badly to be a big guy, and often dreamed of the day when I would finally change into that stud I wanted to be so badly. At least, that was what I’d always thought I wanted.
My penis would grow and so would the rest of me. I often thought about it at night, hoping that my puberty would come soon. Now, as I was being changed into a girl, new thoughts entered my head, and they weren’t good either! My dreams of a having large penis was turning into wanting large breasts. How messed up was that? I think that what was the most disturbing, though, was that I didn’t care about having a large penis anymore! I was thinking more about breasts and what it meant. It was more than a fascination. It also meant that I had desire, in part at least, to become a girl, and eventually a woman.
“Suck your stomach in,” Mindy ordered.
“What?”
“I said to suck your stomach in. I have to put a waist cincher on you.”
“Why?”
“Because you have no waist. I used to wear this last year before I finally grew some hips. You’re not going to grow hips, so we need to make you look like you have some.”
“Oh.”
I sucked my stomach in, but it wasn’t enough for Mindy to hook the back.
“Can you reach the top of the door?” she asked.
“I think I can, why?”
“Don’t ask why, just do it.”
I jumped up and curled my fingers over the top of the door. I noticed that it made my waist seem smaller.
“Now lift your feet off the floor,” Mindy said.
I did as instructed and felt the fabric around my waist grow tight as Mindy was hooking the clasps.
“There, done. You can let go now,” she said.
I let go and couldn’t breathe.
“Mindy, what did you do? I can’t breath!!!,” I whispered breathlessly.
“Don’t be such a whiner! All of us girls go through this bit of fun to look nice,” Mindy replied.
I could suck in enough air to keep from passing out - but just barely.
“Okay, it’s time for me to go to work,” Mindy said. “Sit down over here. It’s time to make you pretty.”
I sat on the stool next to Mindy’s makeup table, watching the evil grin on her face as she reached for her eye shadow collection. I won’t bore you with what she did next, but when she was done, the Homecoming Princess looked back at me from the mirror. I was in awe! Omigosh wow! I was speechless! The princess in the mirror was me!
“Okay, girlfriend! Time to get dressed,” Mindy said.
She went to her closet and removed a skirt and sweater.
“Here, let’s try these. The zipper goes in the back.”
Trying not to be clumsy as my mind was still reeling from what I now looked like, I lowered the sweater over my head, being careful not to mess my hair or get makeup on it. I stepped into the skirt and pulled it up my legs. I found that it wasn’t long enough.
“Mindy, this skirt’s too short,” I said.
“Are you serious Lynn? That’s how long it’s supposed to be. If it was any longer you wouldn’t be able to show your pretty legs.”
“I don’t want to show my legs! Please! Mindy! I just want to get through this thing!” I whined with trepidation.
“Lynn, if you want to learn how to be a girl our age, you have to become one. This is us, dear friend.” She pointed at my skirt.
I don’t know why the skirt was bothering me so much. I wore speedos at water polo shorter that that skirt. But for some reason, I felt exposed dressed as I was. I looked back into the mirror once again and realized my worst fears! My legs were feminine looking! In fact, most of me was feminine looking! This was so messed up!!!
“You know, you have pretty legs, Lynn,” Mindy said.
“Just what a guy likes to hear, Mindy,” I replied, my voice dripping with sarcasm.
“Maybe a guy doesn’t, but a girl does,” she replied.
Her compliment did sound nice, but it was wrong for me to like it! I wasn’t yet giving up hope of finally becoming a man.
“Mindy, this isn’t right. I don’t look anything like a boy anymore.”
“No you don’t! You have to become a girl for the next week and a half, and I really don’t want to see anyone but my pretty girlfriend when we’re together,” Mindy said.
“Do you really think I’m pretty?” I asked, wanting to know if what she said was true.
“Lynn… you’re gorgeous! I am jealous.”
“Of me?”
“Yes, of you! You’re my best friend and I wish I was as pretty as you are.”
“I think you’re pretty,” I replied.
“Thanks girlfriend, but you stand out. You are a Homecoming Princess!”
“Am I really that pretty?” I asked, trying for more compliments.
“Enough already, Lynn! You know you are. But looks aren’t everything. I look at you and see a pretty boy, but next week you have to be a girl, not a boy.”
I felt disappointment at that statement. When I saw myself in her mirror, all I saw was a girl. What was Mindy seeing that I had missed?
“I don’t understand Mindy. I won princess.”
“Your picture won the freshman Princess title, but now you have to become the girl that won. Being a girl is more than wearing some makeup and clothes. Being a girl comes from inside. When you become that girl you’ll understand what I’m saying to you.”
“How am I supposed to do that?”
“You’ll have to learn. You will have to move like a girl and think like a girl. We don’t have much time, Lynn, and now that you’re dressed as a girl we’ll work on you becoming one.”
I won’t bore you with what we did for the next three hours, but I no longer have a fear of high heels. I can also sit without showing my panties to the world. But I also found out that I was having fun in becoming a girl. My training ignited a spark deep within my brain - one I wasn’t able to extinguish… but enough of that until later.
“Lynn, it’s getting late, and my mom will be home soon. You have to change,” Mindy said.
I thought I would find relief when she said that, but I couldn’t have been more mistaken! I had grown to like Lynn - the girl, and changing out of these clothes would be like losing a close friend. Mindy helped me to remove my makeup and I was left to change back into my boy clothes.
Mindy asked, “What’s wrong, Lynn?” when she saw the look of disappointment on my face.
“Nothing,”
“You miss her, don’t you?”
Was it that obvious? “A little.”
Realizing that a special moment was occurring for her friend, Mindy commented, “Being a girl is different than what you thought it would be, isn’t it?”
“Kind of, I suppose. I thought it would be like a disguise or something. You know, put it on and take it off? I didn’t realize that I would… become a girl.”
“You finally did?” she incredulously asked.
I felt my face becoming flush. How was I going to tell my best friend that I was finding something inside me that I hadn’t known existed before? I hadn’t become a girl… well some small part of me had, but was I going to admit that to my friend?
“Mindy, that’s silly. I’m still one hundred percent American boy,” I replied with obvious uncertainty.
“Look Lynn, there’s nothing wrong with finding out that you like something new you discovered about yourself. You don’t have to hide it from me, I can tell something is bothering you.”
“Mindy, there is something wrong with this! You aren’t the one that’s going to get her ass kicked when she’s found out!”
“Then that’s just one more reason for you to take this seriously! Lynn, you have to make up for years of lost time becoming a girl. I was born this way, and you have to become as much of a girl as I am in a very short amount of time. I see something in you that says that you can do this. Trust me girlfriend, in two weeks, you’ll have forgotten all about that boy you think you are.”
“That’s what I afraid of Mindy! I’m not sure I want to even try to be a girl!”
“Sweetie, give it a few days. You’ll see. We’re going to have so much fun together!”
“I hope so Mindy, I truly do.”
I went home and Mom was wondering what could have taken me so long to do my homework.
“Mindy and I are doing a special project, Mom,” I replied.
“I like Mindy. She’s had nothing but a positive influence on you since you met her. I thought I would have to hire a tutor to improve your grades, but Mindy’s doing that for you,” Mom said.
“Yes, Mindy’s been very helpful,” I said.
“Does she have a boyfriend, or are you hers now?” Mom giggled.
“MOMMM! We’re just friends,” I said. Oh Mom, if you only knew!
I helped Mom with the dishes and went to my room. My thoughts were constantly returning to my training session with Mindy. I couldn’t help but think of the pretty girl that looked back at me the first time I saw her in the mirror. I had fallen in love with her the moment that I saw her! I wanted her to be perfect. I realized then that I had been given a gift. I had made up my mind and was determined to become her. I wanted to become Homecoming Princess for our school! I wanted to be… a Princess!
I went to bed and dreamed all night. Each dream was different, except for the fact that in every one of them, I was always a girl. I was a girl with Mindy and her friends. I was a Princess and lost my slipper like Cinderella. On and on it went - but I was never Lynn the boy!
To Be Continued...
Homecoming Princess (Revised) - Part 2
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Part 2 By Arecee Edited by Holly Hart & Sephrena Miller |
“Lynn! This is what girls do! We shop! We try things on even if we have no intention of buying them. Why do you think it takes so long for us to shop?”
“I don’t know.”
“Because we’re having fun! We are trying to find clothes to look good in and impress boys and other people, it takes time to see what looks good on each of us. So get a move on! The stores close in four hours.”
Four hours? What the heck is that? Shopping takes fifteen minutes!
Pictures purchased and licensed royalty-free from www.istockphoto.com .
I awoke and it was morning. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so rested before! I remembered what I had felt last night… and the dreams! Wow! I was really confused at this point.
I met Mindy before school started.
“Hey girlfriend, did you sleep well?” she asked.
I felt my face go red.
“Mindy, please! Keep your voice down. I don’t want anyone to find out about this,” I excitedly shushed.
“Lynn, you worry too much. No one is going to know.”
“Mindy, the walls have ears. We have to be careful!”
“We will. I have to see Miss Benson this morning before classes start. I’ll see you in Copeland’s class.”
“Okay, bye Min.”
Mindy poked her head into Miss Benson’s office. Miss Benson wanted a progress report to see if what they were doing would succeed.
“Good morning, Miss Benson,” Mindy said.
“Good morning Mindy. Please come in and shut the door.”
Mindy entered and pulled the door shut before approaching Miss Benson’s desk.
“Well Mindy, how did your first day with Lynn go?” Miss Benson asked.
“It went real well Miss Benson. Lynn’s a very pretty girl.”
“Hmm, I wouldn’t go so far as to say he was a girl.”
“If you had seen him last night, you might think differently!”
“I doubt that Mindy. How much did you do? Did he dress, or did you just do makeup?”
“Oh we did everything: makeup and clothes. After Lynn dressed, I helped him with his movements to become more feminine. I thought he would have problems, but he was a natural and made it look too easy. He was walking in heels without problems in minutes! He sat and walked as if he was born a girl! It was really kind of creepy. I hope this isn’t going to mess him up,” Mindy mentioned with a twinge of fear in her voice.
“Mindy, I highly doubt that dressing or acting as a girl for a week is going to hurt him. This little punishment can’t hurt anyone. As for the ease for which he picks up on feminine movements, I’ve seen kids start playing ball with as much confidence and ease as someone that has done the same for years. No, Lynn will be just fine. But is there anything I can do to help with this deception?”
“There is one thing, he needs better boobs. My rolled up pantyhose really isn’t convincing.”
“I may just have the answer for that,” Miss Benson raised an eyebrow as she shifted in her chair, “A few years back, there was a girl in one of our school plays that was, well, let’s just say that she was inadequate in that department, and the school bought a very nice pair of silicone breast forms for her to wear for the part. After the play was over, they weren’t needed and I retained them. Come back here this afternoon and I’ll have them for you. We do want to make Lynn as convincing a girl as possible.”
“Yes Miss Benson.”
The school day was cut short by a teachers meeting so Lynn and Mindy were home by two. Mindy picked up the forms from Miss Benson with the solvent and glue for attachment and removal.
“Lynn, guess what?” Mindy giggled.
“Hmm?”
“Today you’re going to become a girl!”
“What?! You mean you are you going to cut my… you know… thing off?”
“Nope. Today, you get your own boobs!”
“My own boobs?”
“Yes! Here look,” Mindy, said, as she opened the box containing the breast forms.
I looked at the things in the box. I knew exactly what they were as soon as I saw them. They looked as though they had been removed from a real girl - nipples and all!
“Mindy!” I gasped, “Where did you get those?”
“Miss Benson got them for me from the drama department. Some girl was too flat for a play, so they helped her along,” she giggled.
I felt lightheaded and embarrassed. This was starting to get real deep!
“So what am I supposed to do?” I asked.
“Now you lay down on my bed and I’ll attach them to your chest.”
“With what?”
“A special glue that comes with them in the box. Don’t worry though,” she continued as she lifted a tube of something up out of the box to show me, “they come right off when we apply this solvent. Now lay down girl.”
As I lay down, Mindy was looking at the back of the glue tube. “Hmm,” she scrunched her face, “it seems I will have to apply a few drops only to hold it onto you. The normal amount of glue will stick it to you for 3-5 days and will not come off easily before that even with the solvent.”
I gulped.
“Here we go girl,” Mindy enthused as she put four small dots of adhesive around my left boy nipple area.
“Mindy! That stuff is cold! ”
She just smiled. I was beginning to think she was enjoying doing this just a little too much!
“Mindy,” I said as she held the first form in place for it to set, “I have been feeling a lot of things in the past few days and I want you to know something. I do not want to be a girl.”
Mindy eyed me and retorted. “You are not going quit now… are you?”
I opened my eyes and looked directly at her. This seemed to be one of those important moments, so I steeled my nerves up and then said my piece.
“I’m not quitting, I just said I am not going to be a girl. I’m doing this for the joke even though I know I am probably going to be in a lot of hot water when all of this is over. Whether I get away with it or not, I think it will be my masterpiece.”
Mindy seemed to relax then and then stuck her tongue out at me as she let go of the form and began applying the glue in four small dots around my other nipple area.
“You just don’t know what you’re missing,” she quipped as she worked.
“I… am… a… boy! I have things I want to do with my life Mindy. Well, I know I do, I just haven’t decided what they are yet. I am sure I will know before we graduate from school. And besides, you got me into this.”
“Did I?” Mindy was now holding the other form to me. Her eyes always seemed to be capable of melting my heart and that’s exactly what she was doing to me now. I know the joke in Copeland’s class kinda developed a life of its own through Mr. Copeland’s ineptness, but Mindy did escalate it!
In the end, I caved in. “Ok, I guess we both did. I did agree to it.”
Mindy beamed back, “See? You are learning. Girl’s are always right! When you can get others to do that for you, you are well on your road to femininity.”
I just groaned.
Soon the cold blobs on my chest warmed up as they for all intents and purposes became a part of my anatomy.
“Okay, it’s time to dress you!” Mindy ordered.
I rose from the bed and felt my chest pull me forward. Wow! This feels awkward!
“Mindy, these are heavy!” I whined.
“Girl, that’s what we have to put up with for the rest of our lives, so you might as well get used to it,” she said with no sympathy for me whatsoever, “Which do you want to do first, makeup or clothes?”
I thought about it a little and decided clothes first. I realized that putting makeup on first would only smear it, or worse, get it on the clothing. And also, when Mindy put my makeup on afterwards, I would feel like I was already a girl with her friend playing makeup instead of a boy crossing the line.
“Clothes first,” I replied.
“That’s correct. You do clothes first and makeup afterwards. It would just smear if you tried to put on clothes after doing it unless you could really manage somehow to do it without smearing it. It’s easier afterwards.”
Mindy then handed me a pair of panties and a bra. I turned my back to Mindy and removed my underwear and pulled the tiny thong up around my legs and then tucked myself in between my legs by pushing my boy parts up inside. I turned to face her.
“Mindy, could you please help me with the bra?”
Mindy looked at me and didn’t say a word. I can’t say what her expression was saying, but she looked both pleased and scared at the same time.
“What’s wrong?” I asked when she didn’t answer.
“How did you just do that?”
“Do what?”
“Down there. You are flat. It’s like you have nothing there. You are flat as girl.”
I blushed rather fiercely. “Mindy, I have been… well… always able to do that.”
“Are you sure you really aren’t a girl?” she pointedly questioned me as she looked me up and down.
“Mindy, you know I’m not!” I said pointing at my panties - oops! I mean Mindy’s panties.
“I know Lynn! It’s just that you look so much like one that it’s scary!”
I felt my eyes water slightly. This was yet another blow to my maleness. I know what she was saying was true. I knew it ever since she made me up the first time a few days back. I just wanted to ignore it and just be my old self: Lynn. The boy Lynn!
“It scares my too. But,” I tried holding back from crying as I choked up for a moment. “The thing that scares me even more… is that sometimes I find… I really like the way that I look as a girl! Is that bad?”
Mindy pulled me into a gentle hug. “Goodness no girl! You should feel proud of the way you look. You are special. And I am not going to hurt you through this, ok ?”
I let a few tears trickle out and returned her hug. “Ok. I trust you.”
Mindy let go and smiled. She then hooked my bra around my chest for me. Mindy then handed me a skirt and what I assumed was supposed to be a blouse.
“What do I do with these?” I asked.
“Put them on silly. The blouse goes on first, then the skirt. The zipper goes around in the back,” she giggled.
I shook my head. Mindy was having way too much fun at my expense. I know she wasn’t doing this through meanness — more like curiosity. Oh well! I lowered the blouse down over my head and pulled the skirt over my butt and positioned it after I zipped it up halfway. Once it was positioned, I finished by managing to pull the zipper up with my arm behind me. The zip made it fit me like a glove.
“Wow! You really do look nice!” Mindy exclaimed.
I didn’t think there was anything nice about it, especially with the way it exposed navel. I felt naked! God!
“Mindy!” I whined, “this doesn’t fit, it’s too short!”
Mindy rolled her eyes as if I had just said the stupidest thing in the world.
“Lynn, these are the clothes girls wear! They are designed to show off parts of our bodies. Now sit down please. I have some serious war painting to do,” she said pointing at the chair in front of her makeup table.
It didn’t take Mindy long before Princess Lynn was again staring back at me from the mirror. She was even more beautiful than the last time — if that was even possible! A feeling of giddiness swept through me as I watched her facial movements in the mirror.
Mindy had brushed my hair into something that looked as though it belonged on me as a girl! It just somehow felt good - being this! It’s something I couldn’t exactly quantify at the time and had no words for just how I felt, but needless to say, I was overwhelmed! Stunned. I liked the girl that was staring back at me, and frighteningly, more than I should!
“Ready to go?” Mindy asked excitedly. My gaze was still locked onto the image of beauty in the mirror before me.
“Go?” I answered nervously with a sniffle.
“It’s going to be ok. I promise you, if this gets to be too much for you, we will tell Miss Benson and call this all off and accept whatever punishment we get. Both me and you.”
“Ok Mindy. I just feel like… I’m… losing myself, somehow.”
Mindy, looking concerned as she helped me stand up out of the chair replied, “You aren’t losing yourself Lynn. You are just learning new things. All of this is to help you pull off the prank and finish up what needs to be done for the Homecoming Princess duties. Once it’s over with, you don’t have to do any of this anymore unless you wanted to.”
“But right now, we need to buy you your own things to wear for your appearances. And it’s really time that you learned how to shop. Real girls know how, so you have learn too.”
“Why do I have to learn that?”
“Because you’re a princess! Girls are princesses and for the meantime, until we get through this, you are going to have to become a girl. Here’s my spare purse you can use for your things,” Mindy said as she handed me her denim purse to hang on my shoulder.
“I don’t have anything to put in it,” I mentioned.
“Not now, but you will by the time we come home.”
“Like what?”
Mindy screwed her face up before she answered.
“Lynn you need makeup! You can’t continue to use mine, and you’ll be surprised at the things that will find a home in there. Now get a move on!”
Mindy and I boarded the bus to the mall. We walked to the rear and found an empty seat. I felt as though every eye in the bus was watching me. Actually there were six and they were in the heads of three boys sitting in the rear seat. As I lowered myself to sit, I felt as though all my clothes had been removed!
“Mindy… those boys know!” I stammered in a hushed whisper.
“Know what?”
“That I’m… you know!”
“Lynn, they don’t think that,” she glanced behind us for a second and then continued, “They think your pretty girl and that’s what boys do when they see a good looking girl.”
“I don’t like it!”
“Well, you’d better get used to it girlfriend! You’re in my world now,” she giggled.
The bus pulled away from the stop and before I could even think, I noticed a shadow next to me in my peripheral vision.
“Hi! I’m Dan,” stated the boy who had stared at me the most. “What’s your name?”
My stomach turned. My mouth locked shut as I expected him to start laughing at the freak dressed like a girl! I felt Mindy bump me in my side with her elbow.
“Um, I don’t know if… I should tell you. I don’t… even know you,” I finally said, as my brain and mouth began working.
“If you give me your phone number I’ll call you and then, over time, you’ll get to know me,” he confidently replied with an expectant look on his face.
That was just so-so stupid! I could just see my mom’s reaction to me running down the stairs to the phone excitedly to talk to another boy. I couldn’t help but bust out giggling.
“My mother would kill me if I did that! I’m only fourteen and I’m not allowed to get calls from boys just yet,” I said.
“I could pretend to be a girl?” Dan laughed.
In your dreams! “Your voice is too low.”
“Hi, my name is Danni,” he squeaked.
Mindy and I couldn’t help ourselves as we both erupted in laughter.
“You sound like Minnie Mouse,” Mindy giggled.
“It was worth a try! Please?” Dan pleaded.
“I can’t,” I said solemnly, with a sense of fear.
Dan, heartbroken, turned and walked away back to his seat. For some reason I felt really bad about having to turn him down. There was a sense of power in how I controlled that situation, something I was not used to and never did before! The reason that I couldn’t give him my number was true enough, but what would he do to me if her found out about me? And then, here we go again, Why would I want to be with a boy in the first place? I am a boy! God! This was getting hard for me to do!
His attention to me did boost confidence about my appearance and my worries about being discovered pretty much vanished.
Mindy had a puzzled look on her face after he had left.
“What?” I asked.
“You know what Lynn? You shouldn’t be flirting with boys. I know Dan came over here, but you teased him just the same.”
“I did not!” I hushedly spat. “I told him no.”
“Your giggles told him something else! It’s one thing to dress like a girl and entirely another to flirt with boys.”
“I wasn’t flirting!!” I whined.
“You were! And you’d better be careful. You can hurt someone’s feelings,” she said with concern in her voice.
I wasn’t sure what to think now! Mindy had pushed me into being this new person and now she was scolding me for being too good at it? I knew I wasn’t flirting and what harm could come from a few giggles?
We rode in silence for several minutes before Mindy spoke again.
“Lynn, look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so critical of you. You are new at this and have to learn about boys, that’s all. I’ll show you how to blow a guy off without making him think you interested in him. By the way, you do have good taste in boys though. Dan’s really cute,” Mindy giggled.
I felt my face turning red again because Mindy was right - Dan was cute! Even worse, I noticed that he was. That was why I had been afraid! Is it wrong for me to notice that or was it the girl I was portraying now that had noticed? God! I hoped with all my might that it was the girl portrayal!
We reached the mall and rushed from the bus before Dan and his gang of merry men could join us. Mindy walked behind me for a few steps and shook her head.
“Now what?” I asked as I stopped and turned to see what she was doing. The wind chilled my bare midriff.
“I just can’t believe how easily you slip into being a girl! You walk like one, move like one, and look like one! If I didn’t already know you, I would never even know you weren’t a girl! I don’t think we have any problems with you passing.”
I let the wind blow my hair and skirt about for a few moments while I took in what she had just said.
“Thanks… I think…”
The first stop was Target.
“We have to get you your own makeup. You will need your own mascara for sure, so you might as well get the rest,” Mindy explained.
I’m no expert on makeup, that’s for sure; but I wondered if Mindy was leading me down my path to destruction? I had clearly rebelled in not going too deep into this and here I was succumbing to her logic. I had no idea there was so much stuff for eyes alone! Needless to say, I was now the proud owner of an eye kit with more shades of eye shadow than I thought existed. That didn’t even count the eyeliner and the pencils to go with it. Mindy said that I was getting off easy because everything was half off because of the recession. Fifty dollars is fifty dollars - no matter how recessed we are!
“Good! Now that that’s out of the way, we can have fun!” Mindy gleefully said as she gave me another of her evil grins. She dragged me by the hand into the mall.
“Where are we going?” I asked. This whole experience was really overwhelming me!
“Forever Twenty-one. You need clothes!”
“Mindy, I don’t have much more money! We just spent it all on makeup,” I panicked.
”We’re not going to buy anything — we’re just going to try everything on!”
“Huh?”
Mindy stopped and looked at me.
I reasoned, “If we’re not going to buy anything then why try it on?”
She had this look on her face that asked ‘what cave did I just crawl out of ? ’.
“Lynn! This is what girls do! We shop! We try things on even if we have no intention of buying them. Why do you think it takes so long for us to shop?”
“I don’t know.”
“Because we’re having fun! We are trying to find clothes to look good in and impress boys and other people, it takes time to see what looks good on each of us. So get a move on! The stores close in four hours.”
Four hours? What the heck is that? Shopping takes fifteen minutes!
“Mindy, what if someone sees me?’
“Girl, everyone’s going to see you! Let’s see… most of the other girls that do see you will be jealous because you’re so pretty. Any guy in the store will get in trouble with their girlfriends because you’ll cause a stir. So that pretty much covers that! Let yourself go. You’ll be fine!”
“I hope so,” I mumbled.
Mindy dragged me into Forever Twenty-One and showed me the racks of clothes I should want. The trouble was, I didn’t want any of them. I wanted to be me! Lynn - the boy, again. I absolutely knew that if I traveled this path much farther I wasn’t going to turn back. I knew that as I analyzed my thinking, my rationality was starting to not make sense at all. I was enjoying being a girl and here with Mindy. I was a princess, not some geeky boy, but a girl all the boys wanted! The only trouble was - I wasn’t a girl! I finally decided for the meantime to let Mindy mold my life. The hell with it! Go with the flow! Yep! That was really the answer… NOT!!!
“Oh God! Lynn this is so cute!” Mindy exclaimed, as she held up a blouse against my chest. “Don’t you think so?”
“Umm, I don’t know.”
“Try it on, you’ll love it! Wait! Don’t go yet. You’re allowed six items at once in the dressing room so we might as well break the bank,” she giggled.
Mindy found more clothes for me try on. Skirts and blouses seemed to be what turned her on. I took the clothes back with me to the changing room and was handed a plastic card with the number six by the attendant.
I won’t bore you with the on and off of the clothes details, but Mindy thought that I looked hot. Hot in everything I tried on! *sigh* Personally I thought it was a lot of work, work that is, until she brought me a dress. Once I slipped that dress on I finally knew why girls spent so much time shopping. It had taken an hour to find it, but this dress was made for me! I fell in love with it immediately. It wasn’t just a dress; it was how it made me feel, how it looked, how it hugged my body and accented my features! Oh, it looked good in the mirror, but that’s not what made this dress special. When I saw myself in the mirror with the dress on, something inside me changed. I wasn’t Lynn the boy trying on clothes, but I was Lynn, a girl, shopping with my girlfriend, and finally finding the perfect dress! I stepped from the dressing room.
“What do you think?” I asked, turning around in front of the full-length mirror and pausing to look at Mindy’s reaction.
“It’s you Lynn. I love it,” Mindy responded.
“I want to buy it.”
“What?”
“I want to buy this dress. I have to have it!” I emphasized.
A frown clouded Mindy’s face.
“What’s wrong now?” I asked.
“Nothing’s wrong Lynn. We came here for you to learn what it’s like to be a girl… not to really become one. I thought you would have fun shopping like we do, but I never expected you to want to buy your own dress. What are you going to do with it?”
“Wear it?” I answered meekly.
“And where would that be? At school or with your mom? I don’t think so Lynn. All we’re doing is trying to make you passable as a girl, not to become one.”
“Okay,” I answered sheepishly, my heart broken at realizing I couldn’t have this wonderful piece of material to wear. I twirled again and asked, “Min, honestly, how does it look?”
“It looks gorgeous on you, you little minx! Now put it back,” she giggled.
I sullenly removed the dress and returned it to the dressing room attendant. I was going to miss it- no matter what Mindy said!
We continued to shop at store after store. So this was what it was like being a girl? I was laughing and interacting with Mindy very differently than when I was with her as a boy. When I went to the mall with my guy friends, things were different as well. What was said was generally crude. “Look at the boobs on that one, snort, snort.” or, “I hear Bob is getting into Judy’s pants.” Then it was silence as we played video games at the arcade.
Being with Mindy now was a whole different experience! We didn’t stop chatting or giggling the entire time we were together. “How does this look?” “That’s cute.” “I’d die before I got caught wearing that.” “Did you see that guy over there? He was watching you.” The guy talk was never too crude, not that I wanted anything to do with them, but the difference between boys and girls was astonishing. I definitely had my eyes opened with this experience.
We had finally reached the last clothing store in the mall before Mindy remembered something — shoes!
“Oh my god Lynn! I almost forgot shoes for you!” she pitched.
“Shoes?” I questioned.
“You can’t expect to wear your beat up running shoes with my dress. You need heels, come on,” she said as she pulled me by hand in the general direction of the mall center.
Mindy took me into Cathy Jeans. I knew right away this wasn’t a shoe store that catered to men or boys because there was nothing but heels and a few flat shoes.
As we walked through the door Mindy stopped and let go of my hand. She squeaked excitedly, “Yep! These are the ones!”
Mindy picked up a shoe that was nothing more than a thin piece of leather for the sole and a ridiculously high heel, or at least, I thought it was. It had tiny straps going from one side to the other, and they were pink.
A girl who appeared to be bored and not much older than us walked from behind the cash register towards us. My eyes were drawn to her jet-black hair only because she had a blond streak running all the way from her forehead to her back.
“May I help you?” she asked, with my impression that she was just hoping we would leave so she could get back to chewing her gum.
“Yes please,” Mindy said forcefully. “Do you have these in red?”
“I’ll have to check,” she said, as the disappointment of having to work showed on her face. She returned a minute later.
“We have a few sizes in red, but not many. What size are you?” she asked.
“It’s not for me, it’s for my girlfriend,” She eyed at me, “What size are you Lynn?”
“Um, I don’t know, maybe a four?” I responded. I knew I wore a size four boy’s shoe, but had no idea what woman’s size I was.
“Yeah right! Those are bigger than a four,” the sales girl responded, like I was trying to get over on her.
“Maybe you should measure her feet then,” Mindy said.
The girl brought back a shoe measuring slide while I removed my shoe.
“Put you foot in here please,” she said. After a moment of sizing against my foot she exclaimed, “Hah! Size six. I knew you weren’t a four.”
“What’s wrong with a four?” I innocently asked.
“Miss, with feet that small, you will never find anything decent to wear. My sister’s a four and she has to special order everything if she wants some nice shoes,” the attendant said as she warmed to the girls.
The girl returned several minutes later with the heels Mindy had asked for.
“Here, try these on. Slip these nylons on first too. You aren’t allowed to try shoes on without them,” the girl said as she had handed me two very small pieces of nylon that looked as though they had been removed from the bottom of panty hose.
“What are they?” I asked Mindy.
“Peds, silly,” Mindy laughed.
“First time trying on heels?” the girl asked me.
I nodded.
“How old are you?”
“I’m fourteen,” I answered.
“First real heels then?” she asked.
I nodded again.
“I remember my first time. I was with my mother and asked her where the rest of the pantyhose was,’ she laughed. “I was younger though, I think twelve.”
I pulled the peds over my feet and the girl helped me slide the heels on. She hooked the strap around my ankles and stepped back.
“What’s your name?” she asked, seemingly genuine with wanting to talk and not brush us off now.
“Lynn.”
“Lynn, I’m Toni. Those shoes look cute on your feet, but now comes the moment of truth. You’ll have to decide whether you’ll be able to wear them all night long. You’ll have to stand up and try them out walking and see for yourself. Here, I’ll help you up.”
Toni took my hand and helped upright. I felt as though I was going to fall right over on my face.
“Whoa! Take it easy girl. I’m not going to let you fall,” Toni reassured me as she helped balance me.
I finally righted myself and she let go of my hand.
“Okay, sweetie. Try walking around the store without killing yourself,” she laughed.
I took my first tentative step and almost fell over! I managed to regain my balance quickly and took step number two. I knew what to expect now, so I wasn’t as clumsy as I continued. I took two trips around the store before I sat down again. The shoes felt like heaven! They didn’t hurt, nor did they pinch my feet. I paused every time I passed the mirror. I glanced at the reflection of the princess in the mirror and smiled at her. My feet were beautiful!
“Well, how do they feel?” Mindy asked me.
Both girls were looking at me as if I was going to pronounce that we finally had world peace.
“Fine,” I responded.
“Just fine? Did they hurt?”
“No they don’t hurt at all. They felt wonderful,” I smiled.
Mindy turned to the salesgirl and pronounced, “We’ll take them.”
Toni smiled. She had her sale. Then, she smiled at me. It was one of those ‘welcome to womanhood’ smiles. I had just cleared another barrier in my deception to get Mindy and I off the hook. However, there was one small niggling thing that was bothering me. I was beginning to feel as if this was no longer a deception and Toni’s smile was a genuine welcome that made me feel proud.
I paid for the shoes and we left the store. I thought we were finished for the day, but Mindy burst my bubble by walking me into Victoria’s Secret.
“I almost forgot. You also need lingerie,” she exclaimed.
“What?”
Mindy pulled me into the pink and lavender store. The feminine colors almost blinded my eyes. It certainly blinded my brain.
“You need panties and a bra for next week - and hose too!” she said.
“Can’t I wear yours?” I asked.
Mindy gave me that look, which can only be described as, I just saw Sasquatch.
“You’ve got to be kidding! I don’t share my under things with anyone, it’s unsanitary! You need your own.”
That argument was settled quite easily by Mindy. I now also allowed myself to be fitted for a bra by my best friend. Actually two bras, because Mindy said I had to have a red, very sexy lace bra for the dance, and one for the few days of appearances I might be expected to make. Even the everyday one was sexy! I don’t think Victoria’s Secret knows how to make anything dull. Three thong panties, sexy of course, and two pairs of nude pantyhose, followed these. Any idea of having a college fund when I graduated from school went right out the window!
“Mindy?”
“What?”
“Why did I have to spend so much money on this stuff?”
Mindy gave me that look again.
“Lynn, you have so much to learn. Being a woman starts underneath your skin. The more feminine you feel inside, the more like a woman you’ll be on the outside. Didn’t you like your new bras?”
“Yes, I loved them,” I replied. God did I ever!
When Mindy hooked my red bra around my chest I thought I would die! She had adjusted the straps and even she couldn’t believe how sexy I looked with my forms being emphasized and accentuated! They were held high and pushed together just enough to give the illusion of cleavage. The feel of the red lace bra holding my breast forms, my breasts, was to die for! The other bra, although not as sexy, still left me feeling much the same as the red one did. If the truth were to be known, I couldn’t wait to try on my new panties. I just wish I didn’t have to break my bank to buy them!
“You see? You can’t get that feeling from some old frumpy bra that only costs only five dollars. Being a girl all starts in here,” she said, pointing at her head, “It’s all about feeling, appearance, and self confidence.”
Mindy started gathered our bags. “Let’s hurry back to my house so we can practice a little bit more before you have to go home.”
I thought I had been practicing all day. I was definitely aware that I was no longer walking like a boy - the whistles from a passing car of boys testified to that. I wondered what else Mindy had in store for me?
“My parents are still out so we can pretty much do whatever we want,” she said.
“Don’t you think I should be going?”
“And blow off an hour?”
“What can I learn in an hour?”
“Makeup! Let’s go to my room.”
I spent the next hour learning how to do my own makeup - Mindy was a driven woman. By the time she had finished my makeup lesson and helped me remove the forms, I was ready to head for home dressed as Lynn the boy.
Mom was home when I arrived. It was almost ten o’clock, my curfew. The porch light was still lit and it was starting to get cold in the evenings. A small cloud of steam blew from my mouth as I unlocked the front door and entered.
“Hi Mom!” I yelled.
“I’m in the kitchen Lynn,” I heard her say. “Where have you been? It’s almost ten at night, and you didn’t call to let me know where you were,” Mom admonished.
“Mindy and I went to the mall,” I replied.
“You were with Mindy again?” Mom’s face lit with a smile. “Is she your girlfriend?”
“No mom. We’re just friends.”
Well actually she really is my girlfriend, and I’m hers… well, kind of.
“Well you be careful. That’s how love starts. I don’t want you to come home and tell me that she’s pregnant.”
“MOM!” Oh my god! I can’t believe she really said that to me!
“I’m just teasing you Lynn. It’s late and you should be getting to bed.”
“Yes Mom,” I dutifully replied and kissed her on the cheek.
I walked out of the dining room and then ran to my room. I wanted to text Mindy before I went to bed. What I didn’t realize was that I was walking and running like a girl. The boy hadn’t returned! Even when I was talking to my mother, the tone of my voice was the same, but not the way that I talked! I had been talking like any other teen-aged girl in expression and wording, mimicking Mindy pretty darn well. And my mother hadn’t missed it one bit! Why she didn’t say anything then was beyond me, but my walk and run had finally broke the camel’s back.
“Lynn, just what do you think you are doing?” she asked. I could hear exasperation in her voice as she spoke. I had no idea what she was even asking me. She could see I was going to my room.
“What Mom?”
“What? Lynn you’ve been acting like a girl ever since you got home. What’s going on? Is this some new phase you’re going through?”
Omigod! Did I ever feel my face go red! I had been a girl all day and forgot that a girl didn’t live here with my mother. A boy did. Ummm…
“Uh, um, a, Mindy and I were practicing for a play that she’s in… and I… well, had to play a girl. I’m sorry Mom,” I offered as my excuse and turned to go to my room.
Oh Please! Please! Please! Walk like a boy! I thought to myself as I held my hips stiff and made sure my steps were strides and not the learned movement I had been using.
“That’s better sweetie. You shouldn’t play like that or someone might think you’re gay or something.”
“Yes Mom,” I answered sullenly. Mom if only you knew why I walk like that, you’d kill me!
I closed the door to my room and plopped on my bed. I was too excited to text Mindy. All I could think about was the fun that we had had shopping like two girlfriends!
I fell asleep without getting undressed or even under the covers. Not only was the day that fun, it wore me completely out! And dreaming wasn’t far away. You know how you get when you’re overtired? Instant deep sleep? Anyway, back to the dream. I was on the bus again, but Mindy wasn’t there. I wasn’t self-conscious because I really was a girl. Dan was there too, except he was sitting next to me. We were holding hands. I wondered why I was holding his hand but I didn’t pull it away??? He turned and kissed me. Crap! He kissed me! And it wasn’t one of those kisses your mother gives you either! It was a real kiss! I couldn’t move! My senses were in confusion! I had let go of his hand and both of his hands were now around my neck pulling me to him! Stars flooded my vision inside my dream and my emotions went from turmoil to some sense of clarity of feeling right! The security of being held, his soft gentle lips upon mine... pressing the two of us together. The kiss! The kiss… ohhhhhhhhh it lasted forever! I was in love! I felt it! Omigosh it felt so great and wonderful! It permeated my entire being!
My eyes flew open as I shot straight up in my bed wide awake. Oh my freaking god! I’m gay!!!
To Be Continued...
Homecoming Princess (Revised) - Part 3
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Part 3 By Arecee Edited by Holly Hart & Sephrena Miller |
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“Umm, could I have your number too?” he asked timidly.
Wow! Rex actually wants my number! This was delicious! Yeah…well… hmmm. I began to ponder whether that was such a good idea or not. I could just imagine my mother answering the phone and being asked to speak to her daughter. No, that was not going to work! I knew in my heart that it would be best if this little charade ended now. It was fun, but seriously dangerous! It was my first kiss, but that was beside the point. I had to be strong!
Rex took that moment of indecision and decided to kiss me again, gently with some rippling of his tongue along my lips. I was stuffing my number into his pocket while he was still kissing me.
Pictures purchased and licensed royalty-free from www.istockphoto.com .
Horror! Oh my god! Oh my god! It was so real!
A bead of sweat trickled down my nose and slowly made its way onto my cheek. I was breathing heavily as my heart hurt, beating loudly inside me. Desperate for air, I got on my knees in bed and slid my window all the way open. The cool clean night air flowed in and hit my nose. I started to slow my breathing down as I got a hold of my senses.
I’m Gay! I actually dreamed of Danny: being held by him, being kissed by him!, and… enjoying it! Maybe I am not a girl after all? Wow! This was not something I had anticipated. Finding out that I enjoyed being with another boy just shook me to my core. Forget Mindy trying to make me into a girl… being gay was infinitely worse! Ugggh!
I looked up into the moonlight sky and stared at nothing in particular. The panorama of the halo around the moon and the deep darkness of the sky pierced by dots of stars held my gaze. I sighed. The sad thing about all of this is that it felt so right to me. I found nothing repulsive about being with Danny or being loved by him — even though it was just a dream. It actually excited me in a way I could not yet fully describe; it held me in awe, was thrilling, and gave me goosebumps all over my skin! Even worse, I’m finding myself craving to experience more of this!Yeah, even my body confirms it! It told me something about myself I didn’t know before.
The stigma of being gay and being seen publicly is a lot worse than my dressing up and pretending to be a girl. Pain, Pain, and more pain! I could just see myself being beaten and pounded by other boys just for being me. The girls would give me that awful sneer of being a freak. And then Mom. Oh… Mom!
How could I tell her that her own son is… gay?
I’m only fourteen and already my life is ruined! Really, how could things get much worse? The pillar of everything I had once believed myself to be is no longer there. I once thought I was a regular boy. Dissatisfied? Yes! But then Mindy got me mixed up into this Homecoming Princess prank and kept telling me how much of a girl I was. Now… this dream of Danny told me something else. Just what the fudge am I?
Gay boys act a lot like girls towards one another don’t they? Well, that’s what I am towards Danny isn’t it? Does that mean he is gay as well? I mean, well, I am attracted to him. Suppose if he isn’t gay? What if he isn’t gay and finds out I am and like him? Would he attack me?
Why couldn’t I dream of kissing a girl instead of Danny? Yeah… why?
I wiped a little water that was blurring my vision with my pajama sleeve. It suddenly dawned on me why. I did not feel for Mindy or other girls for that matter, like I did for Danny in my dream. To me, they were friends, and Mindy, she is like my own sister. The awful truth was staring at me right in the face.
I listened to the occasional cricket chirp in the backyard.
I need to talk to Mindy tomorrow about this. I decided that I would still go along with this prank of being a girl for the next couple of weeks and not let Mindy push me into being something I’m not. Yeah, she is headstrong when she gets her mind to it, but then again, we are great friends. I also knew that she was not trying to hurt me either.
Ugghh! I’d better try and get back to sleep.
I left the window open and slumped back down into my pillows. My mind turned back to that kiss… his warm lips touching mine… a smile creased my lips as I lay there with my eyes closed.
“Lllyyyyynn!”
I opened my eyes some and found the Saturday morning sun shining through my window. I paused a moment trying to remember what else I had dreamed of. I knew that I was with Danny… or was it some other boy? I couldn’t seem to remember the rest.
The sun was warming my skin. I just loved mornings like this! The air crisp morning air was all around me in my room. I rolled my head so that I stared at the ceiling and lay there soaking in the rays.
“Lynn! Honestly!” My mother stated as she scared me out of my nirvana. “Mindy is on the telephone for you.”
I looked at the clock on my nightstand. It wasn’t even nine yet.
“I’m sorry Mommy! I’ve just been daydreaming.”
My mom was standing in my doorway and giving me a weird look. Uh oh! What did I do wrong?
“What’s with this Mommy stuff? You haven’t called me that in years. It’s always been — Mom.”
Ooops!
I quickly thought up my response and said, “Well, It’s such a nice morning and it’s made me want to be especially nice to everyone today. Is it wrong for me to want to be nice?” I gave Mom my best bambi eyes.
My mom sort of gave me that all knowing grin and added, “Mindy is still on the phone dear.”
Fudge! I flipped the comforter off of me and scrambled out of bed and down the hallway to the kitchen.
My mother rolled her eyes as she had watched me scamper like a girl with my hair flying around me and muttered, “Lynn! Some days! Just when you think you get to know them and then they go bend the rules to keep you on your toes!”
“Hello?”
“Lynn, what are you doing?”
I wrinkled my nose and said back the obvious, “I’m standing here on the phone talking to you in my PJ’s.”
“Well let’s get together! We can spend the day together,” she bubbled.
God, it was too early for this kind of energy!
“What’s gotten into you this morning?”
“It’s a beautiful day, and I want to spend it with my girlfriend. Ask your mom if we can spend the day together,” she said.
I covered the handset, “Mommmm? Mindy wants to know if I can go over to her house to work on our project?”
My mother walked into the kitchen adjusting her realtor’s handbag, “I don’t see why not. I have to leave for work now. I have an open house today,” Mom said.
“Thank you Mommy!”
I uncovered the handset and answered, “Mom says it’s okay. I’ll be over in a few minutes.”
“Take your shower before you come over, and check your legs! You might have to shave again.”
“Yes boss,” I grumbled into the phone. My mother had gone out the front door as I heard the door shut in the background.
“I’m serious Lynn!” Mindy emphasized, “You want to look your best at all times. I’ll see you in a little while. Ok?”
Mindy had hung up the phone before I even had a chance to say goodbye. She must have drunk too much coffee! She couldn’t be going a hundred miles an hour naturally.
I went and showered, and checked my legs just like Mindy had asked me to do. Snap! I felt the miniscule fine hairs just barely peeking through my skin. It had only been five days since I first shaved my legs and now I had to do it all over again. Thank God mom had left her razor in the shower or I’d be out of luck! I soaped my legs and cleaned the suds off, and then touched up my underarms. This training to be a girl was becoming a lot more work than I anticipated! At least I didn’t have to worry about my mother seeing her gay son in all his hairless glory.
I put on a T-shirt and jeans and ran to the bus stop. While I was running, I wondered if I was running like a girl or boy? The lines of distinction had become blurred.
When the bus arrived, I made my way to a seat in the rear. Beings how it was Saturday, there was only one other person on the bus with me. The bus pulled away from the curb and I became lost in thought as it rumbled down the city streets.
My first thought was of being caught in this whole deception. What would my mother say if she found out her son had been impersonating a girl? I’m sure all heck would break loose! Then my mind wandered to something else. Was I enjoying this little ruse too much? I thought about the blurring of gender and how easily I had crossed that line. I knew I had crossed it! But where was I really?
What I was doing now was I was starting to become the person I was supposed to be. I didn’t feel like I was a boy pretending to be a girl and yet, I am naturally a girl in personality; at least Mindy has said so how many times. Others have noticed as well. I haven’t started puberty yet — that phase in children’s lives where they start to become adults. But that shouldn’t matter - I’m still a boy, or at least I think I am, even if I am gay. After yesterday and last night, I wonder?
Wearing the clothes and being a girl was easy - too easy. The most unsettling thing though, was my reaction to boys, or I should say one boy in particular - Danny. His attention toward me yesterday should have made me sick, but it didn’t. Even in the dream, when it got… ummm… more serious, it really should have too! But I had to be honest with myself. I admit that I loved his attention. In the dream - I craved it! My confusion was whether I liked the attention of a boy as a boy or as a girl? Or was it just sexual? When I awoke last night, all I could think about was that I was gay. My experience with Danny had been nothing more than a dream, and yet, it had really been more! Mindy will know better than I what’s going on.
I arrived at Mindy’s and knocked on the door. Mindy greeted me with an evil smile.
“Come on in girlfriend, we have work to do!” she enthused.
“Can we talk first?” I asked.
“We can talk while you’re getting ready. That’s what girls do. It kind of kills two birds with one stone,” she giggled.
“Please Mindy! I really need to talk first,” I implored.
Mindy’s infectious smile faded as she knew I had something serious to talk about. She had concerns of her own about what we were doing but had elected not to say anything.
“Ok Lynn, what’s wrong?” she asked as she patted the bed beside her. I sat down beside her and stared at the floor.
“It’s… it’s… this girl thing. It’s scaring me Mindy! I don’t think I shouldn’t be doing this! It’s…it’s… not right,” I said, as tears filled my eyes.
I’m not much of a crier, but the tension and acceptance of my plight had finally overwhelmed me. Mindy wrapped her arms around me as I buried my head against her chest. She held me, gently rocking me. Some of my sobs actually stabbed at Mindy’s conscious and she held me even tighter — with tears filling her eyes.
“Lynn, I’m sooo sorry I got you into this stupid thing!”
I sniffled between my sobbing as my crying slowed.
“I just didn’t know the whole school would be voting for you! If I could do it over, I would have never entered you! You know you mean a lot to me. I’m so sorry I hurt you!”
“Y-y-yooou didn’t… hurt me!” I choked out muffled against her shirt.
Mindy let me lift my head up and dab the tears with some tissues she handed me.
“I… just don’t know what I am anymore!” I managed to get out as I slightly rubbed my reddened eyes, “I am just as much to blame too Min. I could have said no.”
She held my hands.
“There’s just so much more to this than I expected. I thought I would dress for the functions and be done with it. And I never really noticed the differences between boys and girls, except for, well - you know,” I said pointing at her boobs.
Mindy placed her hands on both of my shoulders and stared into my eyes. “And that’s why I was training you. Being a girl is more than just wearing some clothes. You radiate it from within, you feel it, you express it. It’s a mixture of behavior and feeling. Well, there is more, but that’s basically it. It’s like having a woman walk up to you and compliment you for being a pretty girl. That doesn’t come from makeup, but from the heart,” Mindy said.
“Lynn, let’s go ahead and stop this. I’ll call Miss Benson on-“
I interrupted her, “Min, I’m not saying I shouldn’t try this. It’s just something else is bothering me too.”
“Like what?”
“Oh, yesterday, I was a girl — a girl inside!, not a boy pretending to be one.”Mindy put her hands to her mouth in shock, “ Yes — a girl! And then last night I had a dream. I was, like, kissing Danny and then he held me close, and… and.. we made out!” I whimpered. Shame reddened my face as I cringed.
Mindy tried to stifle a laugh.
“What the snap is so funny?” I quipped. I felt heat rising in my face as I became incensed at Mindy laughing at my plight.
“Lynn! Girls have those dreams all the time.”
Omigosh! She doesn’t understand!
“But I’m not a girl! I kissed him! I’m…I’m… GAY!”
Mindy’s laugh disappeared and was replaced by her thinking expression.
“Okay tell me this then: Were you a girl or a boy in your dream?”
“A girl. I mean I felt I was a girl in the dream, just I never visualized myself.”
“Hmm, I see. So do you think Danny’s gay too?”
“I-I… don’t know.”
Mindy paused and thought how to rephrase that. “Ok, who was Danny kissing — a boy or a girl?”
“He was kissing a girl.”
“And that girl was?”
“Me.”
“Exactly!” She waved her arms and widened her eyes, “So you see? You’re not gay, but a girl falling for a boy.”
Huh? What…
“Min, but that’s just it! I’m not a girl.”
“I think we could debate that. Like it or not Lynn, you’re more of a girl than you think. It’s seems to have been a part of your personality and nature — hidden underneath your image. But given the chance, it came out on its own. And on the outside, excepting what is between your legs, and with how your hair is and how you are built, you very easily pass as a girl. Almost. That is why I was filling you in on the details and things that most girl’s already know so you wouldn’t slip up.”
“But I don’t want to be a girl,” I whined.
I knew what I had just said, but was it the truth? If I was honest with myself I knew that I was lying. I was never going to be the kind of guy I wanted to be. My wish had been to be six- two and loaded with muscles. I knew that was never gonna happen. You know heredity and all? My frame is lithe, I’m short, I’m built like most girls, and even with the just some clothes and a hint of makeup, I easily pass as one. Yeah, Mindy is right about that. But so what? I’m simply a boy.
But what about my girl thing? I really had enjoyed my previous day as a girl. And what would be so wrong with learning more about how the other half lives? There was something comforting, honest, and right about being Lynn - the girl. I only had to do this for another couple of weeks, so why not try to make the best of it?
“Lynn, no one is asking you to be a girl. I would never forgive myself if something were to happen to you. Just have a little fun with this, and, when it’s over, you can be that stud muffin you want so badly want to be,” Mindy giggled.
I just slightly grimaced. “You know that won’t be happening. If I face the truth, the truth is, I’m always going to be,” I waved my arms from my head to my legs, “like this - small.”
“But still a boy,” Mindy cheered.
I smiled just a little bit.
“Okay, let’s attach your forms. So lay back on the bed.”
I did as she instructed and soon felt the cold blobs, which were my breasts, warm up against my chest. It’s amazing what just a few drops of that adhesive could do for a person’s ego! I held the breast forms with my hands for support as I stood next to the bed looking down at them.
“Feeling yourself up Lynn?” Mindy giggled.
She just did not say what I think she just did — did she? Sigh. She did. Grrr! I felt my face go red. I hadn’t even seen another girl’s breasts and here Mindy was making fun of me because my hands were on my own — even if they were fake.
“Stop it Mindy. These things are heavy. They were a little uncomfortable yesterday after all of our shopping,” I whined.
Mindy smirked, “Guess what Lynn? We girl’s have to put up with them everyday. Don’t be such a wuss.”
“Can I at least have one of my bras?”
Mindy went to her dresser and removed one of the sexier bras she had picked for me. It was nothing but lace, even where it was supposed to cover my nipples. Mindy wrapped it around my body and attached the clasps in the back. Not only could you see through this, but it also pushed my forms together and created cleavage that appeared very naughty. Mindy blended the seams where the forms and my skin came together with makeup. I’m not going to say it was perfect, but if you weren’t looking for the seam you wouldn’t see it.
“Very nice!” she cooed as she eyed me over critically.
Mindy gave me a pair of tan shorts and a blouse to wear. The shorts were tight and very small. They barely covered my panties. When I went to bend over, the thong would show from behind! Geez! I feel like I’m naked in this!
The blouse, if you want to call it that, was equally as small, and was tied just below my breasts and exposing more cleavage than I was comfortable with. The only thing that didn’t show was my bra. And I’m sure there was some way to do that too!
“Okay girl, we’re almost done! Here,” she said, and handed me a pair of cork wedge sandals.
“Mindy, isn’t this a little extreme? I mean, I feel like I’m on display for everyone.”
“Lynn, that’s right. Every girl is going to be dressed just like us and we are always on display. That’s a fact of life for a girl. It takes a lot of time to look this good.”
I just grumbled a little as I started to put on the sandals.
“Min, why do I have to wear these with the heels on them?”
“Because silly, you need practice walking in heels and these will be easy for you. They’re only an inch high. Just wait until later when you get to wear threes,” she giggled.
“All done?” Mind asked as I stood up.
“I guess so,” I breathed out.
“Good. Then let’s get you made up.”
Mindy led me to her makeup table and seated me in front of the mirror.
“You are going to need practice in doing this stuff yourself. So I’ll put it on first, clean it off, and then you try, okay?”
“Why do I have to learn this? Can’t you do it for me? It’s only for a few weeks?”
I watched Mindy’s expression change from cheerful to stern.
“Are you serious? I can’t go with you to the girl’s room everytime and make you up. Makeup is the first thing we learn when we are old enough to make ourselves look more beautiful. It really is fun and I’m sure that you are going to like doing this to yourself.”
It was put it on and take it off, again and again and again. We spent almost two hours practicing. Mindy said I was getting pretty good at it but she still did the final makeup before we went to the mall. I looked at the finished product in the mirror. My stomach dropped. I felt a shiver go through me!
“Mindy, no! I can’t go out like this!” I quietly shushed.
”What do you mean? Of course you can.”
“But I look so… so…” my words drifted away.
“So much older? Yes, you do look a little older. But what you can’t cover up Lynn, is beauty. That’s something that comes naturally. And guess what? You are naturally endowed with lots of it. I seriously don’t know how in the world I had failed to see this on you after all these years we have known each other! Even I’m shocked! Just try not to think about it, be yourself, and enjoy the day we are going to have at the mall.”
I blinked a couple of times. Even I’m having trouble believing that I really do look so much like a girl! I mean, just a tiny bit of makeup, a dab here and there, and presto! This amazing looking girl stares back at me in the mirror! And that girl — is me!
Mindy tugged on my arm and slowly pulled me up off of her stool, breaking the spell I was under.
We rode the bus to the mall. Luckily, there weren’t any boys on board to make nasty comments towards me.
We started our adventure at the nearest store to the mall entrance we walked in through and continued on to each one as we came to them. We had just finished with our third store, a boutique specializing in young women’s fashion, when, as we exited the store, Mindy stopped and let out a shriek.
“Oh my God! Oh my God! It’s Charlie. Come on!” Mindy excitedly impressed. She then proceeded to pull me across the mall by my hand.
“Mindy, what the fudge are you doing?” I asked, trying to keep up, “And who’s Charlie?”
Mindy was grinning as we hurried, “Only the most gorgeous boy I met the last time that I was here!”
Mindy smiled as her head bobbed up and down as we made it past some people through the food court, “I didn’t give him my phone number and I thought I’d never see him again!”
Hmm…
“But what about ME?” I nervously asked, pointing at my obviously sexy clothes.
“Charlie has a friend with him,” she smiled, “this will be perfect!”
Omigosh! Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo…
“Just perfect, Mindy. Are you out of your mind? Have you forgotten that I’m a boy? You just went all over me yesterday because of how I was with Danny. NOW, you are going to put me back into that SAME situation??!”
“Yep!”
“You are seriously Cr-”
“Hiiii Charlie!” Mindy cooed.
We had reached the object of her dreams.
“Oh hey! Hi Mindy. What are you doing here?” the boy who obviously had to be Charlie replied.
“My best friend forever in the whole world and I came out to shop,” Mindy proudly introduced me. I started to blush a crimson shade and shied away from looking directly at Charlie. “Charlie this is Lynn. She’s the Homecoming Princess for our class this year.”
“Hi Lynn. Mindy sure has some beautiful friends. It’s a real pleasure to meet you,” he smoothly praised me as he extended his hand to shake mine. He continued, “Mindy, Lynn, this goofus beside me that hasn’t stopped staring at Lynn is my friend Rex.”
I nervously extended my hand and felt Charlie’s strong grasp as he gently shook my hand.
“Hi,” Rex said, blushing at Charlie’s remark about me. I looked over at him and saw that he was as nervous as I. Ummm, does that mean he likes me?
“You’re really the Homecoming Princess?” Charlie asked.
“Yes. I’m afraid so. I thought everyone at school knew about it?”
“Oh, well we don’t go to your school. We go to Saint Ingrid’s.”
Now I really felt like an idiot. How could I be so dumb? Hello Lynn? There is a larger world out there!
“I’m sorry, I just thought____.”
“Ah don’t worry about it. Hey, would you mind much if Rex and I hung out with you girls for the afternoon?”
“Of course you can!” Mindy answered before I had a chance to move my lips.
I widened my eyes in terror. I wanted to run, run far away from this situation as possible! I gave her one of those ‘What the fudge are you thinking?’ looks, but all she did was smile at me and grabbed Charlie’s arm.
I stood there watching them talking about anything and everything as they began walking slowly along the store fronts down this mall wing.
“Umm… I guess it’s you and me? I mean… that is..” Rex startled me out of my daymare, with some hesitation.
Oh freakin’ JOY! I’m going to spend the entire afternoon pretending to be a girl and try not to be discovered and I have to be in close proximity to a BOY the entire time! Is there really a God? Rex seemed to be very shy, which could be good. That way, I won’t have to talk too much! Rex is cute though. Snap! Did I just think that? Cute?
The four of us walked through the mall together in pairs and much to my surprise Rex wasn’t as shy as I initially thought! In fact, he had me laughing almost the entire time we were together with his witty humor. I learned that he and Charlie were on the football team at their school and he didn’t have a girlfriend. I found myself lowering my guard and letting go. Something about Rex, maybe his personality or else it was my instinct made me feel he was safe to be around. So I let go of my tenseness and began being this girl I portrayed. I knew some of my buttons were being pushed the right way when I found my fingers intertwined with Rex’s as we walked. When did he do that? I wondered. Guess I do need to pay more attention to my surroundings, huh?
“Hey, what do you all think about seeing a movie?” Charlie suggested.
“I —,”I started to say, but Mindy cut me off fast with a tap on my arm.
“Sure, we both have time,” Mindy answered, for both of us!
“MINDY!” I hissed, “I HAVE to go to the bathroom.”
I hadn’t been a girl for very long, but I knew that’s the signal between girls for when they needed to talk!
Mindy sighed and looked at my face. Seeing how serious I was, she relented.
“We’ll be right back,” Mindy said, as she followed me into the ladies’ room.
“What?” she asked.
“What??! Mindy we’re going to the movies with them!” I said incredulously.
Mindy just looked at me cluelessly like ‘Why am I making a fuss? Did I do something wrong?’
“Am I missing something here?”
I frowned and furiously said, “Mindy! When a boy brings a girl to the movies, it’s not to watch the film! IT’S TO MAKE OUT!”
“Yes, so?”
“MINDY! I-AM-NOT-A-GIRL!”
“It sure looked like it earlier when you were holding hands with your man,” Mindy giggled.
Omigod! Is she a total ditz on me now? How could she do this to me??! She promised not to hurt me! Now she is endangering my life! I’m probably going to be spending the entire night in the ER in agony!
“Mindy, This isn’t funny!” I felt tears welling up and blurring my vision. I was angry! “What the heck do you think Rex is going to do to me when he finds out about me? Huh?!!! Do you even care about me at all?”
“God Lynn, Chill!” Mindy walked over and hugged me. I sobbed just a little and let a few tears drip on her shoulder. I gripped her tightly. “He’s not going to find out! Not unless you tell him, or let him. Please… I don’t want to get kicked out of the theater because you couldn’t keep from mating with him either.”
I pushed apart from her, still beet red from my anger, and wet eyed and we both suddenly started cracking up, laughing, at that crude remark towards me. God Min… Why? Why? Why?... Just don’t let me get hurt… Please?
“Eeewwwwwwwwwwwwww,” I exclaimed. Then I bumped my hip against Mindy’s and chimed, “Bumpa! Bumpa Bumpa!”
After a few minutes and our laughter had died out, Mindy managed to say with tear streaked eyes, “We need to repair our makeup. That’s where the skills I was teaching you will come in handy. That is, unless, you want to go for the Goth look?”
“No,” I meekly said. I sat my purse on the sink counter and we both broke out our war paint.
We rejoined the guys and were soon seated in the back row of the theater.
“We’re going to get some popcorn and drinks ladies. What would you like?” Charlie asked like a true gentleman.
“Um, Sprite,” Mindy answered.
“Coke, please?” I seconded.
The guys left for the refreshments and I was still uneasy about this whole thing. I folded my arms across my chest.
“Mindy, what should I do if Rex tries to kiss me?”
“That’s up to you. If you don’t want to kiss him, turn away. But if you want it, just go for it.”
Fat lot of help she was!
“But you know it wouldn’t be right if he kissed me! I’m a boy!”
“If you say that one more time Lynn Collins, I’m going to scream!” she exasperatedly retorted. “You’re the girliest girl I know and the prettiest too! You don’t know how lucky you are! You’re beautiful, you’re nice, and you’re funny. If I was a guy, I’d want to date you! The only reason Charlie isn’t all over you is because I met him first! Everything we’re doing together is teaching you more about being a girl. Relax. Have fun! And, if Rex kisses you… then lucky you!!”
So either I’m a girl or I’m gay. Not a lot to choose from is there? Fine! I thought. One way or the other I’ll know for sure after this movie…IF I get to live through it!!!
The guys soon came back with our movie munchies and settled in beside us.
The film had started and my thoughts drifted off to what Mindy had said. Am I really a girly girl? I didn’t think I was… I glanced down at my clean shaved legs with the wedge sandals at the end. Nope! No boy there! My exposed stomach above my shorts pretty much agreed with what Mindy said to. Mindy always kept going on how naturally I was girl in behavior and yet I didn’t see how. That is how I have always been as a boy. If I really was a girl, how come I don’t feel like I am? Maybe I was a girl and just didn’t know it yet. Maybe Mindy was right. I don’t know… I guess I’ll have to drown out my thoughts with the warm buttered popcorn Rex kept offering to me.
Hmmmm… buttered popcorn! Rex’s fingers with butter… I absentmindedly imagined myself licking the butter from his fingers. Snap!
We finished the tub of popcorn between the four of us not even a third of the way through the film. As the feature continued, I began to feel chilled. The theater was kept at a comfortable temperature, if you were wearing clothes that covered most of your body! As I described before, what I was wearing only made itbarely legal to walk around outside and not be arrested! I thought if I moved closer to Rex I might feel some heat from him. After all, he was smart enough to wear something warm.
As I leaned over towards him, he put his arm around my shoulders. Mmmmm! This feels really good!He was toasty warm and it felt really good leaning into him besides! So, I did what any red blooded boy would do! I cuddled as close to him as I could get!
I don’t remember what happened next - well actually I do, but not what caused it. For some reason, I turned towards Rex to say something about the movie when - he kissed me right on the lips! My eyes sprung wide open! Eww! Eww! How could he? Ewwwwww! He’s a boy!!!!! I wanted to push him away and hurl all that popcorn we ate right into his lap! I wanted his warm, soft and inviting lips to go away from mine! I wanted the stars that I had felt explode inside my head, just like from my dream, out from being inside my head right now! I wanted this warm gushy feeling coursing throughout my body to JUST STOP!!! I wanted… I wanted… FUDGE WITH IT! I wanted more!
This was my first kiss from anyone other than my mother! Well, this one was way different from the ones Mom gave me. This one was planted directly onto my lips, inside my mouth and… omigosh! It was so much better!!! I felt a warm glow permeate my insides and bathe me in its radiance as the kiss continued. I was barely registering Rex’s tongue squirming around inside my mouth as he sucked on my lips. It was almost as if he wanted to suck me clear inside him! But it felt good! I was starting to lose consciousness from the warm loving glow radiating throughout my entire being and stars and light filling the inside of my mind. My ears were ringing. I let go! Forget being gay!!! I was a girl!
Rex broke the kiss and looked at me. “Lynn?”
I could feel myself being shaken and I was blinking my eyes but the intense light and stars and spots inside my head blinded my vision. I couldn’t see! It dawned on me our mouths were no longer connected. I didn’t feel it. I couldn’t feel my lips either! It’s like they were rubber!
“Uggga bghhh,” was all I could manage to say as the glow and light faded and the spots stopped swirling in my vision. I could see Rex staring into my face. The ringing in my ears finally left.
“Wow!!!” he exclaimed. “Lynn, are you all right?”
“Ugh huh,” I agreed, using my words wisely. My lips still weren’t working right!
“You kiss awesomely!”
I wanted to say that he had been my first! I also wanted to say that ‘yeah, that kiss shook me to my core and rocked my world!!!’ But what I wound up doing was planting my rubbery lips back onto his, and then slowly along his neck in small puckering kisses…
By the time the movie was over, my lipstick had completely vanished. Rex was wearing it very nicely!
This was one great experience for me. I have never felt so good as I did here and now.
Mindy tapped me on my arm to get my attention. “Will you please excuse us Charlie, Rex? We have to go to the bathroom.”
I didn’t respond, but I didn’t have to. She had a death grip on my hand as she pulled me along into the Ladies room.
As soon as the door closed, Mindy was all in my face!
“Just what did you think you were doing in there?!!” she yelled. She was obviously pissed. In fact, Mindy almost never yelled at all. It sort of scared me some.
“What are you talking about?” I innocently replied.
“You know very well what I’m talking about Lynn Collins! You and Rex… playing tonsil tag and feeling each other up throughout the entire movie!” she spat.
A toilet flushing interrupted us, and a girl I recognized as being a senior from our school exited a stall.
“Hi Lynn. Congratulations! I voted for you,” she smiled at me and then washed her hands. She was lingering around some touching up her makeup much slower than was necessary. She had heard Mindy scolding me and was dying to hear the rest of the conversation. Now I knew how girls spread gossip so quickly! They found it in the original chat room!
Mindy and I waited until the girl left and looked through the stalls to be sure no one else was going to hear what we were going to talk about.
“Okay, do you want to explain to me just what the heck you were doing?” Mindy demanded.
Well, I was incensed! I did not feel I owed her any explaining at all! She had practically pushed me into this prank and kept saying how I should experience things from a girl’s point of view. Well lemme tell you Mindy, I did! And I loved it! But I’m not telling you yet!
I maintained a straight face and replied, “We were just kissing.” Well, that’s technically true! We did! It’s just we did a little bit more as well…
“Just kissing? When I told you to go ahead and kiss a boy if you wanted to, I didn’t mean for it to be for the entire movie! You’re walking on thin ice, Lynn!! This whole thing is to make you feel and act like a girl, not to actually become one!” Mindy scolded.
Too late girlfriend!!! I already crossed over umpteen kisses ago!
“Mindy, when we kissed I felt like I was girl. I think I know what it feels like now. Oh Mindy… the kissing… it was wonderful!” I said, as my excitement of the kisses continued.
Mindy shook her head and then a smile crept across her lips. “So, do you still think that you're gay?”
I pursed my lips and thought for a moment. “You know, I’m still not sure! I think I need to do some more kissing to find out for sure.”
Mindy rolled her eyes.
“He is definitely cute!” I dreamily said.
“Oh-my-God Lynn! You really have become a girl, haven’t you?!!!” Mindy was eyeing me in shock.
I already knew I was a girl. I also believed now I had always been too. I think at least mentally I had been and had been acting girlishly all along. It’s just that people (myself included) had managed to fail to connect my behavior and my looks until now. Until Mindy that is. But I couldn’t tell her - not yet. I already knew how she felt responsible towards me and that news would crush her!
“No, Min. I still the same old me,” I stated matter-of-factly, grinning. I was trying to cop this off like one of my pranks.
“Thank God Lynn! You were really scaring me there for a moment. There is no need to go hog wild and get me this upset for a joke! Now let’s get back to the boys. And no more make-out sessions!” she scolded me.
“Yes Mommy. I’ll be good.”
Mindy slapped my arm and we both giggled.
We returned to the boys out in the lobby to say goodbye and thank them for a great afternoon. The afternoon had really gone on longer than Mindy and I realized and we both knew that her mother was going to have a fit.
“Thank you so much Charlie for this fun afternoon. I really enjoyed it! But we do have to be going,” Mindy said as she gently took Charlie’s hands in her. I watched that move and stored it away for future reference!
“That’s Cool. The pleasure was mine. Oh, hey-Mindy…before I forget like last time, may I have your phone number? Please?”
Mindy had that boy hooked: pole-line-and sinker!
“Sure!” Mindy replied and wrote her number on a small piece of paper and then handed it to him.
Rex turned toward me, and a small smile crept across his face.
“Umm, could I have your number too?” he asked timidly.
Wow! Rex actually wants my number! This was delicious! Yeah…well… hmmm. I began to ponder whether that was such a good idea or not. I could just imagine my mother answering the phone and being asked to speak to her daughter. No, that was not going to work! I knew in my heart that it would be best if this little charade ended now. It was fun, but seriously dangerous! It was my first kiss, but that was beside the point. I had to be strong!
Rex took that moment of indecision and decided to kiss me again, gently with some rippling of his tongue along my lips. I was stuffing my number into his pocket while he was still kissing me.
The bus ride back to Mindy’s was filled with our conversation and excitement of the day. Mindy might have scolded me for my behavior, but hers wasn’t much better! She even admitted to touching tongues! Ewwwwwww — unless it was Rex’s!
Mindy’s mom was waiting on the porch when we reached her house.
“Mindy,” she sternly spoke, “What kind of hour is this to be coming home? You know all I ask is for a call! Who’s this?” she asked when she noticed me standing next to Mindy.
“Oh, this is Lyn-da. She’s new at school and I was helping her to meet new friends,” Mindy explained.
I was still waiting for the needle to drop. Mindy’s mom has seen me for years and knew me like her own daughter. Yet, here I was, standing right in front of her, albeit dressed as a girl, in the fading sunset on her lawn, and yet, she doesn’t recognize me. Wow! Simply wow!
“That’s still no excuse for coming home late. I’m sure Linda’s mother must be worrying where she is too.”
“Her mom’s still at work, so she won’t be in trouble.”
Mindy's mother replied, “But you will be young lady if you do this again. Well go upstairs and change, dinner’s almost ready. And have Linda call her mom to let her know she is on the way home now”
Mindy dragged me to her room where she helped me change back to being a boy again.
“I still can’t believe your mom didn’t recognize me. I was trying to think up what excuse to use for that. Thank God I didn’t have to.” I said.
“I told you no one would, now do you believe me? You’re just too beautiful! I’ll bet your own mother wouldn’t recognize you.”
“Likely chance,” I snorted. I knew my Mom would somehow know it was me. I just knew. My mom has this Mom-radar sense and knows everything I do and where I go!
As I slipped my T-shirt back on, I proceeded to look in Mindy’s mirror and remove all traces of the makeup.
“I had so much fun today. Mindy, what do you think of Rex?”
“He’s cute, maybe cuter than Charlie. You two looked so nice together.”
“You’re still not mad at me for kissing him are you?” I questioned as I started to tie my ponytail back down.
“Of course not! You’re my best friend.”
“Good. I don’t want anything to come between us.”
We both hugged one another and I said my goodbye. I snuck down the stairs, carefully checking to see if Mindy’s mom was in viewing distance of the lower stairs and the front door. Good! She wasn’t! I opened the front door.
“Thank you Mrs. Swanson, It was nice meeting you,” I slightly yelled.
“Walk home safely!” I heard her from the living room. I closed the door fast and dashed down the sidewalk zigzagging through the yards just in case Mindy’s mother tried to see me.
I walked home and try as I may, I couldn’t make that damned sway leave my hips! I would walk two or three steps like a boy, but then my walking resumed going right back to being a girl. It was everything I could do to make it in my house without giving myself away.
“Hi baby! Did you and Mindy finish your project?” she asked.
Mom was giving me another weird look. Oh no! She knows! Not the ‘You’re in big trouble’ look. It was more like the ‘I Know what you did’ look. Fudge!!!!!!
I hadn’t so much as twitched my hips, so I knew it wasn’t that. She just stared at me. I was starting to sweat. I knew I was careful in removing my makeup - so that couldn’t be the problem either. Oh my God — she really knows! She knows her little girl had made out with a boy!!!!
“Um, yes. Is there something wrong?” I squeaked as my strength of will was slowly dissipating under Mom’s intense gaze.
“No dear. There seems to be something different about you but I just can’t to seem to put my finger on it. You seem like a different person. Maybe it’s the curl on your ponytail?”
“Oh that!” I broke a sweat and quickly came up with, “Mindy was just playing around with her new curling iron on me.”
“Okay, but it’s not just that. It seems to me like you have a glow about you.”
“A glow?”
“You remind me of when I was young and had found the latest love of my life. There’s just some sort of glow a young woman gets when she’s in love.”
Oh gosh! I have to get her off of my trail!
“Mom, I’m not a girl.”I spoke more quietly, showing a sadness, “And I’m not in love. I’ll go to my room now. Ok?”
My mom released the tension she had shown a moment before and ruffled my hair.
“Ok sweety."
I made it to my room and shut the door. I just couldn’t believe how observant my mother was!!! I was just about busted! All I had missed was a tiny curl and she almost found out about Rex! I hope this thing is over soon! I really hate making up excuses, especially to my mother. I love her too much to lie to her. And I hated these excuses so much… This needs to stop before I make any more mistakes.
I was lost in thought and was brought back to reality by the ringing of the telephone. Snap! If mom answers it… and it’s Rex… I’m soooo dead!
I opened my door and hollered, “I’ll get it Mom!” I rushed like a scared rabbit and just grabbed the receiver on the 5th ring.
“Hello?”
“Hi Lynn! It’s me, Rex, from this afternoon?”
Oh God! Oh God! It was Rex!! My stomach was doing flip-flops as I thought about our making out in the theater earlier.
“Hi Rex, “I purred in my most girlish sexy voice, “I was just thinking about you!”
Fortunately, our phone was wireless so I dashed back to my room with it. I didn’t see my mother looking at me as I had run back. I missed seeing the most quizzical look on her face.
I leaped onto my bed and grabbed my pillow and hugged it to my chest as I was laying down on my stomach on the bed, rocking and banging my legs back and forth up in the air. I was definitely going to have to get a Teddy Bear soon, but the pillow would have to do for now!
“I was thinking about you too. I had a lot of fun today,” he said. I could almost feel his smile through the handset.
“Mmm, mmm. Me too,” I answered dreamily and hugged the pillow tighter.
“When can I see you again?”
That was definitely a good question! I’d like to know that answer too! This was getting very complicated. I wanted to see Rex again, but I seriously doubted that my mother would allow her son to date the hunk on the other end of this phone!
“I don’t know Rex. My mother says I’m too young to date,” I answered. My sadness showed itself plainly in my voice.
“Maybe if I talk to her, she might let you go out with me?” he suggested.
Snap! That’s just all that I would need! Mom, my boyfriend Rex wants to talk to you about dating me I thought as a shiver went down my spine.
“I don’t think that would be a very good idea right now Rex. If she knew I had been to the movies with you, I’d be grounded until next year!”
“Oh, okay. Maybe we can meet at the mall again sometime?” he asked hopefully.
“I’d like that. Call me again in a couple of weeks and we’ll arrange it.” I answered.
“Lllyyynn! It’s late! Tell whoever it is on the phone you’ll have to call them tomorrow,” my mother shouted.
“I have to go,” I urgently said.
“Yeah, I heard. See you soon?”
“Call me tomorrow,” I found my mouth saying. I think my brain was actually trying to get me killed!
“I will. Good night.” Rex said. After a click, the line went dead.
In a daze, I made my way back downstairs to get a Coke from the fridge.
“Who was that?” Mom asked.
“Just a friend from school,” I replied.
“Well, please tell your friends not to call so late,” Mom admonished.
“Yes Ma’m.”
I walked back upstairs with Rex on my mind and a coke in my hand. Unfortunately, he was having an incredible effect on me that I didn’t expect. He solidified me into Lynn the girl and my walk proved it! It’s amazing at what just what one kiss can do! My hips were swaying some and my arms were turned up and out. My clothes may have been a boy’s, but the girl wearing them was showing that clothes didn’t make the girl, the girl inside did!
“Lynn, what in the world are you doing? I asked you before to not walk that way, you almost act like a girl. I hope you don’t do that at school,” Mom said in disgust.
I felt my face immediately go red with shame and fear gripped me. I had been living as Lynn the girl so much during the last few days that I had become unconsciously her in every move and action. Trying to act like a boy was starting to look like it was going to be really hard work! Even more disturbing was that Rex had made me act this way! How could I explain that to my mother - ‘I’m sorry mom, I was thinking about my dreamy boyfriend and it just happened, I hope you don’t mind?’ I was definitely going to have to be more careful or this whole Princess thing was going to blow up in my face!
I turned around and gave a devilish grin “Gotcha!” I half-heartedly laughed hoping that she would think I was pulling her leg.
“You and your pranks. Someday you’re going to get in over your head and you’ll be sorry you ever started pranking people.”
Somehow, I sensed Mom was not buying this, but she had no proof otherwise to nail me yet. Whew!
“I’m sorry Mommy. I’m going to go to bed now. Good night.”
“Goodnight sweetheart.”
Mommy, if you only knew what a simple prank has already done to me right now.
To Be Continued...
Homecoming Princess (Revised) - Part 4
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Part 4 By Arecee Edited by Holly Hart & Sephrena Miller |
“Miss Benson was gushing about how pretty her freshman Princess was. I almost fell asleep it was so boring. I wanted out of there! I had a piece of wood I wanted to turn on the lathe and this Princess crap was taking time away from me for doing that! I was about to leave until she announced who the pretty girl was. Do you have any idea as to who that might have been?” he asked in a tone of voice that left me shivering cold.
“Me?” I managed to get out. My throat was constricting because I knew I was in real trouble now.
“Yes.. YOU!” he looked at the poster picture and back at me again. “You know, now that I look at you and this picture, I can’t believe that I was so stupid as to believe you were a boy! You’re too damned beautiful to be one! Do you have any idea of how much trouble this school could be in, I could be in, if the parents of the students were to find out that a girl, posing as a boy on this swim team was TOPLESS at both practice and the meets?”
Pictures purchased and licensed royalty-free from www.istockphoto.com .
My dreaming that night had been weird! I had dreamed about my life and what it was becoming. I was never a boy in any of them: I was a girl! The feeling that I experienced within them was as if I had actually been born a girl and everything I did and experienced was second nature. No longer was there the shock or weirdness to it like with my previous dreaming. It felt peaceful, and I was really participating within them. I was playing games with Mindy, and at times helping her do chores. I actually didn’t mind the work and it was fun with Mindy there to help.
What was really, really weird was that I was happy in every one of them! I felt a serenity and happiness of being complete. I radiated an inner joy and could feel my smile affecting Mindy and helping make her happy. Occasionally, a boy happened to wander in and both Mindy and me would get all giddy and begin critiquing and expressing our thoughts about how he looked, how we felt about him and such. It was perfectly normal and nothing was amiss. Except, perhaps, for the fact that I am a boy?
Monday morning came and Mindy had to be at school early. Miss Benson wanted a report on Lynn’s progress and whether or not he could pull off the deception.
“Good morning Mindy. Please step into my office,” she said holding the door open for Mindy.
Mindy entered and sat down beside Miss Benson’s desk.
“Well, how is Lynn doing?” Miss Benson asked as went around her desk and sat down.
Mindy could hardly conceal her excitement.
“Lynn is so much a girl! When he gets dressed it’s like he was born a girl! It’s so creepy how easy it is for him. We went to the mall and no one even gave him a second look! Except for the boys!” Mindy giggled nervously.
“Boys?” Miss Benson raised an eyebrow, “are you telling me that boys were looking at him?”
“Yes Miss Benson. That was the only thing that freaked him out.”
“I can quite imagine that it did!” she retorted, obviously thinking.
Mindy fidgeted with her hands and looked back up to Miss Benson.
“What is it child?”
“Miss Benson, are we doing the right thing with Lynn? What if something goes wrong?”
“As long as you both are careful, Lynn will be fine. The only ones that will know are just us three.”
“That’s not what I mean, Miss Benson. What if he’s different after this is all over? I worry that we might damage him.”
“Well there is that! I will have to call you and him in here together in a few days to discuss — the fallout.”
“Fallout? Miss Benson, I don’t understand?”
“Yes. Meaning after the Homecoming. Lynn isn’t just going to go around school pretending to be a girl is he?”
Mindy suddenly gleamed at what Miss Benson was saying. “He doesn’t want that.”
“Exactly. We need to discuss what we are going to have to do for Lynn after the Homecoming is over. We will need a plan and may have to bring Mrs. Collins in on it later.”
Mindy gulped realizing the implications. “It’s Ms. Collins Miss Benson. Lynn’s father left her and Lynn not too long after Lynn was born.”
Miss Benson chewed on that a minute. “Well that could explain some things then. Men! Sometimes I wonder how the human race has survived this long? Men just don’t think! Family is important and a child’s upbringing is equally as important. At least Lynn shows a lot more responsibility than his father did.”
“Oh, I almost forgot. This Wednesday is the luncheon for the Cancer society and it’s the first function Lynn has to attend. I want her to dress nicely. A skirt down to the knees, not one of those things most of you girls wear these days. I’d like her to wear a blouse and a cardigan sweater over it. She’ll need heels, but not too tall — and please make it something dressy. I’ll leave the rest of the details to you Mindy.” Miss Benson finished.
“Miss Benson? Lynn has tiny feet and my shoes are a size too large for him. Could we have a little money to buy the heels, please?” Mindy begged.
Miss Benson paused for a moment, staring at Mindy. This prank was getting out of control and expensive to boot.
“Here,” she said and handing Mindy twenty dollars. “Go some place cheap.”
“Thank you Miss Benson,” Mindy smiled as she left the principal’s office.
I had been getting compliments all day from various girls and boys for winning the Homecoming Princess title. In Advanced Math class, one girl in particular just had to ask me the question.
“Lynn,” Carla whispered,” You are so beautiful! Why do you… dress down like that? It doesn’t make sense to hide your beauty.”
Yikes! How do I answer that one?
I pulled my hair back over my shoulder and leaned closer to Carla. “Well… I’m not quite ready for dating. I have, well, sorta been hiding and trying to stay unnoticed. I know there is a lot involved with trying to be with someone and there is a lot of stress involved and mentally… I’m just not ready.”Ain’t that the truth! But then there’s Rex…
Carla stared at me. “Well, that takes a lot of courage to do! I actually admire your courage. Dating can be a real pain. But you don’t have to dress... well, like a boy.”
“I’m sorta doing two things at once Carla. I’m avoiding dating for now and trying to prove a point.” Come on brain! Think of something! What am I trying to prove? Hmmm.. oh yeah!
I continued, “A girl can do anything a boy can do. I figure… maybe… I might be taken more seriously, well, if I am sort of dressed like one. I do like to joke and be like one of the guys without being looked at, you know?”
Carla accepted that. “Yeah, there are times when I feel like they are looking only at my body and not at me. It’s kind of a weird feeling.”
“Uh huh. So that’s where I am. I’m not rocking the boat, I am trying not to stand out too much, well except for the Homecoming Princess contest, and I want to be treated just like any other guy.”
Carla giggled. “Wait until you meet the right boy.”
Oh no! I’m not going there! I just met a boy and I know what it’s like! Mmm hmm! I didn’t lie, I’m not ready yet. I’m not exactly telling the truth, and I’m not offering anything to expose me either. This was making me nervous. Uggh!
“Miss Realles, Miss Collins? Pay attention in class please!” Mrs. Hotchkins admonished.
My face showered in a blush. Oh God! I was embarrassed to the max!
“Yes Mrs. Hotchkins. I’m sorry,” I meekly apologized.
Carla spoke as well, “I’m sorry too Mrs. Hotchkins.”
Satisfied, Mrs. Hotchkins turned back to the chalkboard and began droning on, “Now for this quadratic equation, we have the…” I stayed quiet for the rest of math period. Math is really fun! Not!
It was 6th period, last period of the day, and I was at water polo practice. I had been absent a week because of my preparing for the Homecoming Gala and the secretary at the School Office had given me an excuse slip for those dates when I had mentioned my name and the preparation for the Homecoming Gala I had been doing for Miss Benson. But now, I’m back, and looking forward to swimming and doing something I loved doing and excelled at!
I had been treading water for twenty minutes practicing my technique when Coach Wilson yelled, “COLLINS, out of the pool, NOW!”
What the fudge is this all about? I wondered as I swam towards him at the pool edge. I was one of the best swimmers on the team and yet coach seemed to be highly irritated with me to say the least!
“What’s wrong coach?” I asked innocently as lifted myself out of the water.
“In my office now,” he growled. He slapped a long beach towel at my chest.
“Cover yourself!”
I pulled the towel around my neck to let it equally hang on either side.
“No! I mean cover yourself!” Coach ordered as he grabbed the towel, opened it up and draped it over my front. “Hold that to you and get in here!”
Woah! I’m in some sort of trouble! And why do I have to cover myself? Geez!
I followed Coach Wilson to his office. Normally, he would have walked beside me, but now, I had to almost run to keep up with him.
We entered his office and he pointed at a chair.
“Sit!” he demanded.
“What’s wrong Coach?” I asked again.
He was busy writing something as he replied, “As if you didn’t know… What in the hell were you thinking Collins?”
“About what coach?” I whined. I still didn’t have a clue as to what he was so angry about.
“About this!” He waved his arm at me and then held up in front of me a poster for the Homecoming Princess contest. The one with my picture on it! Oh Snap! “What were you thinking when you joined the boy’s water polo team?”
Oh God! Now I knew what he was so pissed about! I joined because I’m a boy, but now, by coincidence and through the interference of a prank I am assumed to be a girl. If I opened my mouth to admit the truth, I’m dead. I mean, really dead! At home and at school! Gulp! I decided to be like I had been with Carla earlier with the coach and find out what he knew. Perhaps I could salvage this.
“Don’t you think I’m a boy, coach?”
“You want the truth?” he shouted incredulously. This was not going to go well.
“Yes please.” I meekly answered.
“I did at first. Your records list you as a male too! I’m taking that issue up with Miss Benson to get it fixed. I don’t know whether it’s a glitch or if you had something to do with getting it changed to show that you were a boy, but you are off this team!”
My lip quivered as water started to blur my eyes.
“What kind of girl would show up here with her breasts exposed? Huh? Would you explain that to me Miss Collins? Would you?”
I was speechless. He fully thought I was a girl trying masquerade as a boy! Just like Mr. Copeland!
“I noticed that you were lacking in the package department though and were built a little too effeminately, but I thought ‘What the heck? He’s a freshman. Puberty will take care of that!’ Even the other boys on the team mentioned to me that they thought you were a girl and I had the gall to shove it off as teasing. I don’t follow all of the stupid girl, boy bullshit that goes on around here in school. I teach my wood shop and I coach water polo. I keep to myself because I don’t want to get involved in that crap! Well, do you know what happened this morning at the teachers meeting?”
I shook my head.
“Miss Benson was gushing about how pretty her freshman Princess was. I almost fell asleep it was so boring. I wanted out of there! I had a piece of wood I wanted to turn on the lathe and this Princess crap was taking time away from me for doing that! I was about to leave until she announced who the pretty girl was. Do you have any idea as to who that might have been?” he asked in a tone of voice that left me shivering cold.
“Me?” I managed to get out. My throat was constricting because I knew I was in real trouble now.
“Yes.. YOU!” he looked at the poster picture and back at me again. “You know, now that I look at you and this picture, I can’t believe that I was so stupid as to believe you were a boy! You’re too damned beautiful to be one! Do you have any idea of how much trouble this school could be in, I could be in, if the parents of the students were to find out that a girl, posing as a boy on this swim team was TOPLESS at both practice and the meets?”
I gulped again. Oh my god! Oh my god! No! I do know! I managed to peep out a, “No sir.”
“Before I tell you, I want to know why you did this thing?”
I was sunk! My life was absolutely over! I had to explain my behavior as to why me, a girl was on the boy’s team. I could just pull down my speedo and show him why, but that would be just as bad with Miss Benson and my being the freshman Homecoming Princess. I finally had an idea to explain myself, thanks to Carla earlier.
“Mr. Wilson, coach, I know this is going to sound really stupid, but it all started at the first of the year. As you and every other person on the team have seen, I haven’t started to develop breasts yet. My mother is like me and is, well, flat up here,” I pointed at my chest. “Anyway, I noticed my records this year said that I was a male and I wanted to do something worthwhile in my life and compete against boys. Swimming against girls is too easy for me - I wanted real competition! Haven't you ever noticed I never showered with the other boys? Huh? I never was in the locker room! If I was, they would have discovered I was a girl! I’m very good at swimming and I wanted to stand out and win the competitions for this school and prove to myself and everyone else that I can compete equally along with the boys! I promise no one will find out about me!”
The Coach stared at me. He was silent. What? He wasn't believing me?
“Pleeeeaassse! Can’t I please stay on the team?” I groveled in my most sincere girl’s voice, tears streaming down my face. “Please coach… please…”
I was really laying it on him! If coach didn’t believe me… I was finished! I could see it all now: me, Lynn Collins, 14 years old, in a jail cell with other older men who committed really bad crimes. “I’m here because I killed 6 people!”one would say. “I robbed a bank and spent most of the money I stole!” And then, me. “I’m in here for posing as a girl, topless at my school on the swim team, and winning the Homecoming Princess elections for the freshman class.”
I cried.
“Look Collins. I know you’re a great swimmer, but what you did was inexcusable! Going topless here in school will get you expelled! Probably from the entire school district! Then there are the lawsuits this school is going to face, not to mention people losing their jobs: namely myself for not having spotted you at the beginning and preventing this!, but school administration as well! We will all be fired! It’s going to be bad enough when the boys start tittering about you having showed your boobs and then having to explain that to the girls. Miss Benson is going to have to deal with this and we are going to have to somehow explain this away before the School Board finds out. ‘Why on earth would she do that?’ they’ll wonder. No, Collins. I don’t want any more of this scandal. You are off this team,” Coach stated with a finality that left nothing to the imagination.
I loved being on the team! And now that was gone! I just sobbed as he phoned the School Office.
I had just noticed that he had finished talking because he was holding a hall pass he had written.
“Miss Benson wants to see you in her office now. Go collect your things and go see her.”
I stood up, took the hall pass he handed me, and ran from his office, tears running freely down my face. To make things worse, I was clutching my towel to cover my chest as I ran off!
I grabbed my gym bag and headed to the custodian room that I always changed in. I had found that it had been kept unlocked during most of the day and that I could lock it from the inside to change. I wouldn’t need to use it anymore after this.
My hair was not combed, wet at the edges, and hanging unkempt. I looked a fright as I slowly trudged down the hallway towards the office in a state of disbelief and scared out of my wits. My days of pranking are over! This just was not worth it!
Mindy didn’t see me at our usual meeting spot as school let out, so she went back inside towards the office. There, she saw me coming out: clothes wrinkled, hair a disaster, and what drew her attention the most was that I had been crying and reddened face.
“Lynn? What on earth happened?” a very concerned Mindy asked as she wrapped her arms around me.
I just couldn’t talk at that moment. I was too upset and my throat didn’t work right. I motioned for Mindy to just drop it so we could ride the bus to her house. I was still in shock from what had happened in the School Office.
I leaned against Mindy and she held me as we rode the bus in the back seat. Several girls talked in the drone that was the after-school buzz on the bus. I know I saw a couple of girls looked back towards us and then went back to what they were doing. I didn’t care! I was hurt and exhausted. Mindy sat on the aisle side of our seat, so I had her as somewhat of a pillow to lay against. I was so tired...
Mindy stirred me from my slumber. “Come on Lynn, we’re here at my house. I’ll carry your pack for you. Come on sleepyhead.”
I followed Mindy down the aisle of the bus and stepped off behind her.
“Now tell me girl, what happened back there?” Mindy grilled me as the bus pulled away.
I started to relate what happened that day from the coach to Miss Benson. By the time we were upstairs in her bedroom, Mindy’s jaw dropped open.
“You WHAT?” Mindy couldn’t believe her ears.
“Yeah. I sort of had to go along with it Min. I had no choice! This thing is way too big to admit to now. And I and everyone else will be in huge trouble if I don’t do this!”
Mindy had a hard time believing I had agreed to go along with the only solution Miss Benson could come up with to minimize the damage that was now starting to occur from our prank. I had to attend school as a girl at least up until Christmas break. That meant I had to dress more like Mindy and not in my usual boy clothes! Miss Benson had suggested that I should have my sex changed to female on all the school paperwork for now and was very nervous about doing that too. She repeatedly questioned me if this was what I had wanted to do rather than just to stop this and confess to everyone about the prank. I admitted that her idea was better than telling the truth at this point. I was too scared. People’s livelihoods were at stake because of Mindy's and mine's prank and even more would be at stake if I did not go along with it.
The worst part though was my mother. Miss Benson said she would have to speak with her before she would change the records and that it had to be soon! Meaning in a week soon. She said she would wait until after the Homecoming Gala and the Homecoming appearance at the football game. She did not want a scandal and also saw how hurt I was by all of this and knew that the solution was also going to be part of my punishment because, one way or another, my mother was going to find out.
“So like what are you going to do when your mother finds out? What is at Christmas break?”
I hung my head in shame. “Miss Benson says that I can transfer to another school further away if I like and the records can be fixed so that I can attend as a boy again there. But unless I admit to the prank now, and tarnish the school’s image, and getting both of us expelled, and Miss Benson in even bigger trouble, I have to attend school as a girl to keep up with people’s misconception of me as already being a girl.”
Yep. My three weeks as a girl has now been extended to half a school year at a minimum. *groan*
“Miss Benson has worked out a deal with the coach to quiet the rumors of my having been on the water polo meet. She hasn’t said what yet, but that she would try to make it happen. My schedule has been changed too. In place of the water polo meet, I have home economics. I have to see Ms. Peters about making up all of the missed homework tomorrow too.”
“I’m just scared of my mother Min. Really scared. She had all these hopes for me and I don’t want to let her down, you know? My father let both her and me down big time. I don’t want to do the same to her! I want her proud of me.”
I lay there staring at the ceiling wondering what I was going to do…
“You know what Mindy? I have to change and change now. No more pranks. No more joking - from either of us. I’m in enough hot water as it is now. The best thing I can do is to sink into my role and accept fate.”
Mindy smirked, “Lynn, you create your own fate. Don’t just accept it! I got you into this just as much as Mr. Copeland did. I’m going to stick with you through it. You’re my girlfriend and we stick together.”
Inwardly, I groaned. Yeah, I guess we are girlfriends.
“Would it do any good to mention that perhaps there is some small part of my body that is male?”
Mindy quipped, “Nope. You used up all of those excuses over this past week. I accept that you are a boy outwardly Lynn Collins, but inside, you pull off being a girl better than most of us real girls are. You actually almost feel like one.”
“Thanks a lot, Mindy,” I said sarcastically. “This prank has turned from bad to worse and now it’s taken everything I have and I don’t want to be reminded of that.”
I then lay backwards down on her bed and rolled away from her to face the wall. I began pondering and visualizing my life as it was going to be. Ok, I’m a girl. I know it. I admit it. I have to expose it at school and hide it at home. And yet, I can’t tell anyone that I really want to be one, especially Mindy or my Mom. This was really messed up!
“Look,” Mindy tugged my arm, trying to get me to roll back over and face her. I resisted. “All that I am saying is that you are a very special boy with a talent. Ok? I don’t think any less of you, in fact, I actually envy you! You are my very best friend! What makes you different from my other friends is that you are open and honest with me. Maybe both of us hide things from others, but never between us. I promise you, I will be there for you.”
She was there for me alright. She got me into this, but, it was kind of ok in a way. It’s all because I like the person I discovered that I was supposed to be. This! A girl. And I was finding that the girl that I wanted to be was not the way that I had behaved in the past. The girl that I wanted to be was a sweet, adorable girl that could be counted on. One whom was trustworthy. One whom was reliable. And one whom was wanted for who she was. I also… wanted to be loved. I wanted everyone to love me and treat me like a person.
In a sense, what I had used as excuse earlier throughout the day was based in fact. I was trying to prove something to myself all of my life. I felt uncomfortable being a boy. I recognize that fact now. It’s why I began pranking… it was all because I didn’t know what else to do to cope with this terrible feeling of not being right. When Mindy and this Homecoming Princess prank started, it opened up the door that had been shut to me my entire life. I had finally found myself. Oh, I was terrified at first, but I couldn’t pull away! I was drawn through that doorway by an exuberant feeling, a calling, and I had no control over it. And the more I was forcibly exposed to posing as a girl, the more I found that this was truly me.
First that dream and then Rex crystallized me into accepting myself. I loved me! For the first time in my life, I loved being me and being alive! I’m very ashamed to admit to anyone right now that I’m a girl. I’d lose Mindy for starters, then, my Mom. Mom, the person I loved the most and most wanted to impress — I was scared. I’m already in enough trouble and when she finds out next Monday, I’m a goner. I mean, yeah, she has had to put up with a lot of the nonsense from me. I know it. I was trying to find my way in this life.
But how in the world was she going to put up with my wanting to be a girl?
Mom had to put up with a lot hard times after dad left us. She struggled hard and made a home life for both me and her. And yet, did I help her like I am feeling now that I should have? No. I hadn’t. I feel really awful for having put that extra burden on her. I acted up, I skipped chores, I had made life harder for Mom all the way around. And yet, I find myself loving her even that much more for having had to put up with the boy Lynn, the Lynn that was a real jerk.
I didn’t see it then, but my eyes are open now - open as I realized my life was about to end. Once she finds out about the trouble I’m in next week, I won’t have to worry about wanting to be a girl. I’ll be worrying about trying to find a new place to live! I was a real disappointment to her. She certainly wasn’t going to love me anymore. She was going to kick me out! I felt like a total failure.
“Lynn Collins!” I rolled my head over and saw that Mindy was leaning over me looking at me. “Have you been listening to what I said?”
Warm water was trickling down my cheeks and I felt awful sick. I didn’t feel like talking either. I shook my head slightly and lay my head back down and started trying to hold back the urge to hiccup as I tried to keep from crying again.
I felt movement behind me, and then a warm body press up against my back. Arms encircled my waist and I felt a head with a lot of hair rest on my neck and shoulder. Fingers from that arm finally found mine and grasped them in a gentle squeeze.
“I’m so sorry Lynn. Please… forgive me?”
I wasn’t the emotional type when I had been Lynn the boy, but geez! Ever since finding my true self, I haven’t been able to stop being emotional. In a way, I think, I was making up for all the lost time of being me. Girl’s are emotional and sometimes cry for the silliest of reasons. Well, I had many reasons to cry, and none of them were silly!
I quietly sobbed and felt Mindy’s grasp on my hand squeeze several times and she rubbed her head against my neck telling me that things were going to be ok. I don’t know how long we had lain there. My sniffles were slowing down and I felt a depressive calm saturate me. Mindy then softly spoke.
“Let’s figure this out Lynn. Miss Benson said you had dress more proper as a girl until Christmas break right? Well, you can change over here before we go to school. Leave your house earlier and come over here. I’ll leave the garage side door open for you each night so you can enter in the morning to change.”
I was listening.
“You know that cabinet in the corner beside my father’s workbench?”
I nodded.
“It has a hanging rod in it already for hanging clothes. My father doesn’t use it and has a few boxes of things inside it but enough room to hang a change of clothes on for you. Just fold your boy clothes up and place them inside your gym bag and leave it laying on end sideways. I’ll leave an empty box you can place inside to hide your bag behind when you are done.”
That seemed totally doable. “Ok.” I squeaked through a dry throat.
Mindy then clasped my hands, both of them, inside of hers. “As for your Mother next week, try not to worry too much about it Ok? For one thing, we can do nothing at all about it. And secondly, we do not know for sure just how she is going to react. I think I know your Mother some, and I think that yes, she will be very angry. But I believe that she will try to reason things out. She seems to be a lot more reasonable than my Mom at times.”
Umm yeaah… But I happen to live with my Mom, and I just know she is going to blow her stack!
“And Lynn, I’m going to be there with you at your meeting. I’m in this together with you. I’ll explain to your Mother what I did and accept whatever punishment she sees fit for me too.”
Birds of a feather… they do what? Ummmmm…. Snap! Flock together! Yeah.
“What about us studying together?” I asked rather defeatedly.
“That hasn’t changed Lynn. Well, ok. It has somewhat. We’ll grab your clothes from the garage when we get home from school and you change here. My parents aren’t back from their work until about 5 pm. That way you can be here and leave here as Lynn.”
Hmm. I guess so.
“Can you help me with my Home Ec homework too? I have a lot of catching up to do and I’m not exactly known for being house smart.”
“Sure thing. It’s no harder than what I have been showing you about being a girl already.”
Mindy pulled her arms out from around me and propped herself up on the bed with her elbow. “Oh, Lynn, this Wednesday there is that Cancer benefit luncheon. I have the clothes for you that Miss Benson wants you to wear, but you’ll have to buy another pair of heels. A dressier set.”
“Mindy,” I said sounding on the verge of giving up, “I don’t have any more money.” And that was so true! I had already spent what little I had the other day, and now she wanted me to buy heels?
“Miss Benson gave me twenty dollars for you to spend.”
I blinked. “She did?”
“Yes. I think she’s starting to feel guilty about all of this.”
“Well she left me with a rather dismal view of my immediate future before I left school,” I let out as I rolled over and leaned on my elbow facing her. “Can we find something inexpensive?”
“I like the way you said that.” Mindy grinned. “Miss Benson said cheap, but my girl creation said inexpensive. You’re learning. Nothing’s cheap when it comes to girl’s clothing. I saw the perfect shoes for you at Cathy Jeans, and they’re on sale! You’ll also have to buy another bra because the one you bought over the weekend won’t just work with the blouse and sweater.”
“How will I get the money for that?”
“Don’t worry girlfriend. I’m going to buy a couple of bras for you. It’s the least that I can do for my best friend. Especially after how I got you into this.”
Mindy was genuinely upset and really felt bad for the situation I’m in. I could hear it in her voice and the fact she was going to dip out of her savings for me to help me through this showed she cared a lot for me.
Mindy held out her hand towards me and curled her pinky some. I held my hand out closer to hers and then she slid her pinky around mine and shook.
“Friends forever?” she questioned. Her look was one of true concern and asking forgiveness. Well, I can’t stay mad at Mindy.
“Friends forever,” I confirmed, really meaning it.
After calling Mindy’s mother and getting her permission to go to the mall, we fixed me up as a girl and rode the bus and made it there in short time. I was somewhat disappointed that we didn’t go back to Victoria’s Secret (I truly liked a lot of the clothing in there, even if it was geared more for adult women), but I did find a really cute bra style at Target. It was lacy and, well, I just loved it! The best thing too was that it was on sale and cost a lot less than the other place! I wasn’t gonna cause Mindy to spend a whole lot on me.
The next store we visited was Cathy Jeans. Mindy was right, the pumps were really cute. I started noticing things about shoes that I never thought I would when I had been a boy. I saw little things like how low the sides were and whether or not my toes showed. An ankle strap just added to the sexiness of the shoe. And I found myself gauging how well the color and style of the shoe would go with the clothing we had already gotten for me. It was like an inner fashion sense thing. I seemed to already have it. Maybe it was always with me and I just have never used it? Or did I really use it to fashion my grunge look?
Before we realized it, it was getting late and I had to change before Mom got home. We rode back to the stop by Mindy’s house, I went with her inside and changed back into my boy clothes. Afterwards, I saw I was cutting time really close to when Mom would be back from work, so I dashed off back home.
I was in the bathroom starting to remove my makeup. Yep! My own makeup. Mine, not Mindy’s. I might have spent a lot more money than I wanted, but at least this was mine! I heard the sound of a key turning in the door lock of the front door and wondered who it was? Mom wasn’t supposed to be home for another half hour!
“Hi honey! I’m home,” my mother shouted.
Fudge! I just hurriedly started taking everything off. God please make the water magical and take this makeup off! But to no avail. I scrubbed and washed as panic set in.
“Honey, where are you?” Mom asked.
“I’m in the bathroom Mom,” I squealed more in my girl’s voice.
“Are you okay?” Mom asked, wondering just what I was up to in there as she set her handbag on the table.
“Ummm I’m fine Mom. How was your day?”
Oh no! What was I thinking? I never asked my Mother how her day was! To make things worse, I was talking like the girl I was trying to wash away. And I couldn’t seem to get my voice pitch back down either!
“It went well sweetheart,” She replied, more curious than ever as to what was going on with me. She walked down the hallway to the bathroom door and paused there. “Why all of a sudden an interest in my day?”
“I was thinking about things today and I realized that I haven’t, well, been quite the son you may have wanted.” I blurted out, all the while trying to remember how to remove this stuff. Think Lynn, think! Then I remembered. Mindy had put cold cream in my backpack and told me to use it, or my face would turn into a street art expo. I opened the jar and started slathering the cold white stuff all over my face. Brrrr! This stuff really is cold! Even at room temperature!
“I want to change how I have been Mother. I’m going to start helping you around here more.”
YES!~ I love you Mindy! It's covering it up! Oops! Stash that makeup kit underneath the clean towels inside the towel closet behind me! There! Slather more of this cream on to hide the makeup!
“And I did listen to what you said last night about no more pranking. I don’t think it’s my style anymore. I know I haven’t been the best son, Mother. And I want to change that.” My very sexy eyes disappeared, as did the rest of my face. Now all I had to do was to face Mom.
I felt a tapping on my shoulder.
“Ummm Hi Mom,” I tried to smile through the goop on my face as I turned to face her. Yikes! I didn’t even hear her open the door!
“Hi honey!” She sort of fake smiled. I knew those gears up inside her head were whirring on overtime! “What on earth are you doing?”
My brain sort of froze up and I was at a loss for words. Well, I have been at a loss for words for just about everything today. So, I did what you do when all else fails…
“I love you Mother.”
Mom, not quite believing what she was seeing and hearing, calmly replied, “I love you too sweetheart. But what is this you are doing?”
“Mother, I am trying to scrub my face and cleanse it. Mindy said that I should start doing it because as I mature, my face will get oily and I might get bumps.”
My mother looked at me with a critical eye. What was I going to say? Gee Mom, I was removing my makeup?
“Honey, why are using cold cream then?” she asked. Good Question! Can I get back to you on that one Mom? No? Okay. Well, it did make my face feel softer, so…
“I am using this to soften my skin after the scrub.” My hand found and lifted up the little green scrubby pad from the bathroom sink to show Mom.
Mom just stifled a giggle and took the pad from me. “Oh Lynn! That will tear your face up if you use it. If you want a facial cleanser and some pads, we’ll go shopping and get you some and a facial moisturizer too. Cold cream is for removing makeup, not used as a facial moisturizer — well not normally. It’s a little more expensive and wasteful to use for that.”
Mom put it back and faced me again. “And what’s wrong with your voice dear? It sounds different, a little higher perhaps?”
Well, when Mother wants to know something and finds out, she just piles on the questions. I just knew that she suspected something from everything she was finding out, but I had to play this off. I hated to mislead her, especially since I was being truthful about changing myself. *sigh* I hate doing this! I really do! Here goes…
“It is? I didn’t really notice it,” I offered. Well, I didn’t notice it that much, I had, like, a ton of other things I’m worrying about at this exact moment! “Is it normal for it to be doing this?”
“No sweety, it shouldn’t. But you have been acting way out of the ordinary for the past few weeks. Maybe I should take you to the doctor for a checkup?”
Hmmm. Maybe. All this stress was sure not healthy for me.
“If you think so Mom. I’m not against it.” Mom chewed on that statement for a minute.
“Go ahead and wash that stuff off and I could use your help in fixing dinner,” she said in a more cheerful tone. “We’ll go to the store after dinner, Ok?”
I grinned. “Thanks Mom. Can you show me how to do it too?”
“Sure. I’d rather show you the right way than have you mess your looks up by doing it the wrong way with the wrong items.”
Mom left me to finish washing off makeup disaster hidden beneath a white frosting of cold cream.
After making sure every last speck of makeup was off and slipping my makeup case back into its hiding spot inside my room, I entered the kitchen to find my mother busy beside the sink cutting some vegetables on a cutting board. I didn’t know what possessed me to do it, but what I did next surprised even me! I just leaned forward and hugged my Mother from behind. She was warm, I felt her heart beating, and I felt safe!
My Mom just relaxed and seemingly enjoyed that moment.
I heard her comment, “Are you sure you’re my son?”
‘Well, actually Mother… I’m your daughter. I’m disguised as your son for the time being until I can get out of this mess.’ Sounds about right?
“Yes Mother. I’m your son.”
I heard her chuckle. “You’re not a clone some space aliens had left behind after they kidnapped my real child are you?”
Where did that come from? Was I really that bad before? Now I feel even worse.
“Oh Mom! I know I haven’t been a good son before, but I’m going to try and become the best for you now.”
I knew I was putting Mom on the defensive with that remark, but hey! A girl has to do what a girl has to do!
“I’m sorry honey!” Mom turned around and hugged me back in return. “I’m just not used to you being a wonderful human being.”
“Well Mom, I think it’s time for a change. And I’m committed to doing just that.” Oh boy was I committed! Really! I was! “So, umm, how did your day go?”
Mom’s smile broadened even more. “It went great. I got buyers for two houses. How did yours go?”
“Really good. Mindy and I went to the mall and found some things for Homecoming this weekend.”
“Are you going to it with her?”
“I guess that’s pretty obvious. After all, she is my best friend.”
“I’m glad you do have someone to go with dear. She seems to have a pretty positive influence on you now.”
“She always has been Mother. She is someone I can always count on.”
“I don’t know Lynn, she talked you into curling your ponytail.”
“Oh Mother! She was goofing around. Nothing was meant by it.”
“If she has changed and you have changed, then maybe my prayers are being answered.”
“I think we have changed Mom,” I said and gave her a hug.
“That’s what I’m talking about. You never used to hug me and now twice in one night? I think Mindy has cast a spell on my little boy,” she giggled.
“I hope you like it.”
“Are you serious? I love it.” Mom then moved to one side more and motioned me to the sink. “Wash your hands and let’s start on dinner.”
“Super!”
Later that evening, after eating, running to local pharmacy and picking up the facial items I needed and Mom picking a few things out for herself, we came back home and she proceeded to teach me how to do my face the right way. Soon afterwards, Rex called. We gabbed for about an hour on the phone in my room and I felt a little more relaxed from having talked to him. I slipped right back into being a pure girl when I heard his voice and, for that brief time, I had felt really good. Notice the words here: Pure Girl. There is no boy left inside here.
I was now laying on my bed, thinking.
I thought about how nice it had been tonight talking to Mom. Why had I never taken the time before to do this and get to know my mother better? I didn’t have to become a girl to do that. But, becoming a girl is that what I really wanted and was my sole mission in life now. My time as Lynn the girl had been without a doubt the best time of my life. Why couldn’t Lynn the boy be just as popular? I’m a nice person now and most of the kids like me. Do I really have any other friends than Mindy though? Not really. As Lynn the boy, the other students tolerated me, but I was ignored most of the time. Lynn the girl is something else. She’s pretty and popular. What a lifestyle change huh?
The other boys have started shaving and their voices sound silly as they crack when they speak. Mine still sounds like a girl when I speak, even when I don’t try to make it feminine sounding. And shaving? Yes, I do shave, but only my legs and underarms. What was Mom going to think about that? Would she buy me my own ladies razor?
I love being a girl and having a boyfriend like Rex, but it all seems so perverted somehow. I still have my memories of my father and how proud he was when we would play ball with my Little Tikes ball game. Those were memories I just couldn’t shove aside. I’m quite certain, from remembering the type of man my father was, that he would have beaten me, or worse, if he were to have seen me dressed as a girl, let alone being the homecoming princess. I felt guilty for loving the femininity I was being immersed in. I felt even worse for how easy it has been for me to be 100% girl. I want to be her, be myself, so badly, and yet I can’t. Not yet!!!
And then there was today. The loss of being on the swim team, my having to now attend school as a girl, the upcoming Homecoming functions, and then the ultimate — the conference Miss Benson wanted with Mom next week! I just know I’m going to die! I felt my eyes fill with tears again as I drifted off to sleep.
To Be Continued...
Homecoming Princess (Revised) - Part 5
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Part 5 By Arecee Edited by Holly Hart & Sephrena Miller |
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The bus rumbled closer and was slowing down to our stop. I felt a twinge of fear as I realized my test of passing as a girl in front of the people I had to go to school with every day was upon me.
The doors opened and I just gulped as I took my first step up onto it. Mrs. Uttman, our driver, looked speechless as she looked me up and down as if I was some oddity. I felt a little queasy and just grabbed the first seat pole and finished pulling myself up into the aisle.
“Well Good Morning to you Lynn! My My! You look wonderful today! It’s about time you decided to be who you really are.”
I blushed furiously as I knew a lot of the other kids on the bus heard her and even now they were all looking at me in bewilderment. I couldn’t believe what I had just heard her say. SHE thought I had been a girl all along! Omigod! Did Lynn the boy ever really exist?
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I hardly slept any restful sleep. I was tossing, turning and kept dreaming all kinds of bad dreams! The worst one though was the one where I was outside. It was dark with stormy looking skies: dark clouds, the smell of rain in the air, and the wind. The wind just kept blowing my skirt up showing off between my legs. For some inanely strange reason - I wasn’t wearing my panties! Don’t ask me why, because I really don’t know! I was stark naked down below underneath my skirt!
I looked down and managed to glimpse that I was still a male in this clothing. This was really different from my dreaming of the past few days. In those I had both felt and was a girl! This was a nightmare and it was very scary! The landscape was barren and the trees were leaning away from the blustering wind. Leaves flew about and around me. This was going to be really bad.
I felt a presence behind me. I tried to turn around and found I couldn’t! I was frozen!
A deep voice said, “We don’t like you!”
Strong hands gripped me on my shoulders and held me in place! It wasn’t like I was able to move anywhere anyways! And Fudge it all! I was desperately trying to get away! But to no avail. I was rooted in this spot!
A crowd of people suddenly surrounded me. The younger boys all closed in around and began pulling at my clothing. I was getting jostled around and a few started to hit me. I was screaming! “Heeeeeelp me! Heeeellllpppp me Pleeaaase! Pleeeeeeasse!” The faceless men, women, and other children were raising their arms and shouting “Go on! Go on! Go on!”
I felt a tug, and to my horror, saw the wind blowing my skirt away in front of me into the crowd. This wind was freaking icy cold! The boys all began laughing and pointing at me.
“Boy! Boy!” they shouted.
“I’m a girrrrlll! This is a mistake!” I emphatically shouted back. “Pleeeeaaaase! Soooomeonnnnne Helllpp Meeee!”
Tears stung my eyes and I felt the roughness of them as they began to punch at me and pull my hair hard! My head hurt and my vision blurred.
“Do it! Do it!” the crowd chanted on.
“LEAVE-ME-ALONE! GET AWAY FROM ME!” I screamed at the top of my lungs.
I was thrashing about trying to escape their beating, but one of their hands always got a grip on me and more followed. Punch! Punch! Kick! Kick! Slap! The pain! Omigod! Omigod!
“MOOOOOOOMMMMMMMY! SAAAVE ME! SAVE ME!” *sobbing* “Mommy! Please!”
I was on the ground and kicks to my head got more savage and one stomped me in the gut. The sharpness of that pain was so severe I couldn’t breathe!
“You are a boy!” the crowd chanted on.
I’m a girl! No matter what they say! Owww! Oh… My stomach… something’s wrong! Severe pain was still wracking my body long after I realized the beating had stopped and the crowd vanished. The side of my face was numb and I could feel warm liquid oozing out over my cheeks. The grip that had held my body was gone, but I could barely move a limb! Wave after wave of pain flooded my body and I was too weak to try and move anymore. I collapsed.
The scene changed. My vision was blurred and I was sitting upright in my own bed.
Oh my God! That was sooo real! I grabbed at my stomach and held it as the pain pulsed there. A queasiness gripped me. I needed to throw up!
I quickly dashed to the bathroom where I promptly deposited everything I had eaten that day in the appropriate receptacle.
I felt a presence at the doorway as I was washing my mouth out.
“Lynn? What’s wrong hon?” my mother asked with that look of concern on her face. I couldn’t come to grips with my mind to tell her about my dream, at least the details of it. She wouldn’t understand. But I can’t lie to her. Fudge it all!
“I had a bad dream Mom. My stomach was upset so I had to throw up.”
“Well, I don’t think it was our dinner. At least if it was, I would be feeling it too. Did you eat the school lunch yesterday?”
I promptly admitted, “Yes.”
Mom thought a moment. “I don’t know if it was that then. Has something been worrying you lately?”
Umm... bingo Mom! That’s the ticket! Yeah something's worrying me. It’s depressing me and eating away at my soul! The situation I am in had escalated beyond what I thought it would and I’m really your daughter. I just wish that I could just be free and be me. Isn’t that what everyone wants? It’s too bad you are going to hate me come Monday and I’m going to have to leave. I’m sure going to miss you Mother… *sigh*
“Yes. I’m helping Miss Benson with setting up the Homecoming Gala for this weekend and helping her with a few functions for the winners with publicity appearances starting Wednesday. There is a lot of work preparing for these appearances and I’m running errands for her. Between this event and my homework, I really feel worn out.”
Well that was the truth, from one perspective of it. Just I had to leave out the gritty details out like the fact that I am one of the winners.
“She must think a lot about you for you to volunteer for that.”
Yeah. Mindy volunteered me for this alright. And I had to go along with it too. I finished rinsing the sink out and faced my Mother.
I weakly smiled, “She does Mother. I have a 3.9 gpa and have so far kept my grades up while participating. “
My Mom just hugged me for a moment and pulled my hair back from over my face.
“You just promise me that you’ll stop the volunteer work if it gets too much for you? Ok?”
That, I’m afraid, was a little impossible at this point, Mom. I have to keep up this deception or I’ll be going down in flames even faster.
“I will Mom.” I answered as I hugged her back and then headed back to my bedroom.
The alarm was beeping beside me and I stirred. I reached over and switched it off. Ughh! Why did I have to wake up and move? I was so warm and comfortable here! I snuggled back into a fetal position and started to go back to sleep.
What seemed like a minute later I heard, “Lynn? You had the alarm set for an hour earlier than usual. It’s 6 am. Did you have something that you needed to do?”
Mom was in my doorway. I blinked my eyes and stared at the alarm clock. 6 am. Hmmm... What was I supposed to be doing? … Oh Snap! I have to get to Mindy’s for changing clothes!
I sat up wiping the sleep from my eyes. Oooo! My stomach did not feel so good and my throat was sore.
“Y-yy *cough! cough!* Dry Throat! -es Mom. I have to help *cough!* with reception committee for the event. *cough!*”
Mom gave me a worried look as I crawled out of that cozy, comfortable spot and trudged onwards to the bathroom for my shower.
The crisp morning air as the sun was slowly rising up into the sky made this day feel like it was really different. Birds chirped up in the trees bordering along the sidewalks of other people’s yards as I made my way along my usual path to Mindy’s. Yeppers, today is sure gonna be different! I hope I survive it. Images of my bad dream last night kept creeping back into my thoughts.
I had just walked across Mindy’s lawn over to the driveway and reached the side door to her parent’s garage. True to her word, as I turned the handle slowly, it was unlocked. I opened up the cabinet door she had mentioned as I had to look twice. Mindy had hung up a brown camo that had yellow and orange flowers with a black highlights and a dark blue skirt. My black low heels, short white socks and under things were present also. Then my breast forms. I had asked for less boyish, but this!, this was like to an extreme opposite! *sigh*
Oh, well.
I quickly stripped out of my usual clothes and donned my girl clothing as fast as possible. The glue wasn’t here, but there was no way I was going to even try to glue the forms on even if it had been here! I was just going to have to wear them loose inside my bra. This was going to feel just great all day like that! Mindy had also left me a cute multicolored butterfly pendant necklace to wear and a small silver looking ring. I slipped them on.
The fear of Mr. Swanson walking out here on me as I was changing clothes was all the impetus I needed to rapidly change. I then folded my boy clothes neatly back into my gym bag and hid it back inside the cabinet behind the empty box Mindy had left out.
I then picked up my pack and quietly locked the garage door behind me.
I was not waiting at the bus stop that was only a few houses down from Mindy’s house for very long when I found her walking towards me. I was brushing my hair, having taken it out of my ponytail strap. I had taken the time while I had waited for her to use my small 2-inch handheld fliptop mirror and applied just a touch of lipstick and a hint of light powder blue eye shadow around my eyelids. Forget the Mascara! I just had neither the time nor inclination for that today!
Mindy just slowed down as she got closer, obviously checking me out.
“Lynn? My god! You are beautiful!”
I stopped brushing my long blonde hair hanging down over my shoulders by a good few inches that was full bodied to boot. Mom’s conditioner sure did what it claimed! I was still not used to all the praise Mindy and everyone else keeps throwing at me. But all the same, I still felt embarrassed and just blushed.
“Am I?” I scratchily asked.
Mindy just grinned. “Yes, you are! Compared to you I’m just a plain girl.”
I was slightly annoyed. “Min, you are just as beautiful too.”
Mindy’s look changed. “Lynn is there something wrong? Your voice sounds somewhat scratchy.”
Yep. Last night — throwing up works wonders on the human voice.
“I threw up last night. My stomach wasn’t feeling so good.”
“Poor thing!” Mindy cooed as she embraced me. This contact thing between me and Mindy developed more as I had been dressing to the hilt as Lynn the girl. Girls sure seemed to be a lot more emotional and into different ways of communicating by speech, tone inflection and touch. I never paid any attention to any of that before this prank. But it sure felt really nice.
“Remember Lynn, We have to stay after school today for a little bit. We have to report to Miss Benson after school so she can go over what we are doing for the Cancer luncheon tomorrow. You will be missing out on 4th period and a touch of 5th. Are you ready for that?”
I sort of frowned. “Isn’t it enough I am missing out on a lot of homework already? I miss too much more and I won’t be passing some of my classes.”
“I am going to be helping you there girl. We are studying tonight together right? My Mom is going to pick us up from school too, so don’t worry about the bus.”
I sighed.
“Yes, I think I’m ready. I just hope your Mother doesn’t put 2 and 2 together and recognize me.”
Mindy snorted. “Honestly Lynn. You were standing right in front of her in broad daylight and she didn’t even give you a second look. Relax girlfriend.”
“If you say so.” I wasn’t really convinced, but then, what choice did I really have?
The bus rumbled closer and was slowing down to our stop. I felt a twinge of fear as I realized my test of passing as a girl in front of the people I had to go to school with every day was upon me.
The doors opened and I just gulped as I took my first step up onto it. Mrs. Uttman, our driver, looked speechless as she looked me up and down as if I was some oddity. I felt a little queasy and just grabbed the first seat pole and finished pulling myself up into the aisle.
“Well Good Morning to you Lynn! My My! You look wonderful today! It’s about time you decided to be who you really are.”
I blushed furiously as I knew a lot of the other kids on the bus heard her and even now they were all looking at me in bewilderment. I couldn’t believe what I had just heard her say. SHE thought I had been a girl all along! Omigod! Did Lynn the boy ever really exist?
I expected weird looks and people to say ‘Why on earth are you dressing up like a girl?’, but not the positive support I was getting and the fact that a lot of people, it seems, had already believed I had always been a girl. This was beginning to scare me!
Not knowing what else to say, I replied, “Thank you Mrs. Uttman. I have turned over a new leaf.”
Yep! I really have, haven't I?
I began walking down between the seats and past the stares of many of the boys and girls I rode with every day. The looks from the boys were one of awe, and from the looks of the girls, I could sense envy and some stares of jealousy.
I sat down in our usual seat, set my pack on the floor next to the window and held my skirt to me as I scooted in towards the window. Mindy sat down beside as the bus began its forward motion again.
I put my hands back on my lap, all nervous and such, as some of the kids kept turning around looking at me, not quite believing what they saw. I tried to ignore it.
Some of these kids actually voted for me as their Homecoming Princess. A lot of them did believe I was a girl. I knew some of them didn’t know me. But still, all of this attention was making me feel very vulnerable and scared. This was the first time that I ever had attention like this. Boys actually had an attraction towards me too! I felt it as I passed them through the bus aisle. Wow! Some of them keep looking back at me too. I don’t really know what I am feeling right now!
I turned my head to look out the window to keep from looking directly at the stares of others.
Mindy tapped my arm. “Lynn, you see all of them keep looking at you?”
I scratchily droned, “Yes Mindy. I do see it. I’m trying to ignore it.”
“Why would you girl? They all appreciate how you look.”
I turned my head and stared directly at her. I couldn’t believe that she didn’t know how I was feeling right now!
“Mindy,” I hushedly whispered, “I feel like I’m on display! That I’m..I’m..just a thing!”
“Welcome to womanhood Lynn! That’s exactly what we are to everyone. We are always on display. That’s why we always have to look our best too!” she quipped back in a similar hushed tone of voice.
I looked back out the window. “It’s frightening.”
We reached school and Mindy and me got off of the bus and proceeded into the school. Some of the kids were just beginning to scope me out as we walked down the hallway to our lockers. Boys were checking me out as possible girlfriend material. No one had to tell me that. I knew it! I had seen these looks on them before when I had been what I thought was a boy as I watched them scoping other girls out. Now I was the one being scoped out! Snap!
As I put up some of the books I wouldn’t need until the latter half of the day and pulling out the ones I needed for 1st and 2nd period I just realized that not once did anyone sneer at me or say that I was gay or a freak! None of the violence, like what I had experienced in the dream, was even remotely visible. Is this real? Or is this a dream also?
Mindy and me walked from our lockers to Mr. Copeland’s homeroom. I heard two wolf whistles coming from some boys we had just passed. Oh My God! I paused, turned around, and saw that they were doing it to me! One of them waved a greeting towards me, almost as if he wanted me to come over there and strike up a conversation. I did what any red blooded boy could do in this situation!
I turned back around, blushing, and held my books up to my face, trying to hide, as I continued walking on towards homeroom.
“Lynn, stop that! You have no reason to hide!”
Ashamedly I cringed, “Mindy I’m scared! Going to the mall was one thing. THIS! This… is soo different!” Then in a more quiet hiss, “Everyone here knows me! I just know I’m going to be beaten up and in the hospital before the day is over with!”
Mindy, with this ridiculous chuckle, was quick to point out, “Where is the Lynn that was making out with Rex all over the movie theater this past weekend?”
Oh my God! I can’t believe she was going to use that against me right now! That was low!
I felt a little angry and snapped back at her, “That Lynn! She is hiding inside of me with the door locked! This is real life Mindy! Out here, I can be really hurt badly if someone finds out! I mean, they all know me!”
Mindy turned around both sides of us as we halted for a moment. She was waving her hands making her point. “So, has anyone here been doing that to you? Huh? All they see is the girl you are portraying Lynn.”
I looked around for myself. Yeah, she seemed to be right. I saw a few of the kids still staring at me, Lynn, the object of desire in their eyes. Oh Fudge! I still wanted to hide!
We finally reached the open door of Mr. Copeland’s class. I could heard the usual morning drone of everyone talking inside there. I took a deep breath, resolved to keep from running away entirely, and stepped inside.
The talking immediately died down as everyone turned their heads to look right at me.
I so wanted to die!
Between the Wow’s! , the Omigods!, I can’t believe how gorgeous she is! remarks, my feet somehow started moving as I headed towards the back of the room to my seat — eyes still following my every move. I heard a slap and boy going “OW!” as I knew that was Harry getting slapped by his girlfriend Dana sitting beside him for looking at me. Wow!
Then, to make matters worse, before I reached my seat, I heard the unenviable voice say,
“Miss Collins! My word! You actually dressed appropriately for once! Please, take your seat and I’ll call the roll.” Mr. Copeland had just walked in right behind me and saw me before reaching his desk.
Oh God! Please, just strike me with a lightning bolt right here, right now! I sat down and Mindy sat beside me in her seat.
And this was just the beginning of my day!
In every class, I had similar reactions from the students and teachers. Not once was I insulted or did people get all bent out of shape seeing me dressed like this. Apparently, and quite to my astonishment, everyone had believed I was a girl all along! Unbelievable!
My blood pressure went up when three of my teachers noted that my sex on their roll logs listed me as a male. I stated calmly that there was an error on my records and that Miss Benson was aware of it and was in the process of correcting it. I then added, “Do I look like a boy to you?”
They shook their heads and left it at that.
At lunchtime, I had several boys try to sit beside me at mine and Mindy’s usual table and hit on me for dating. I wanted to flee so badly! Mindy helped fend them off of me and added that I was still too shy about dating and said to give me some space and time to be myself. I had just come out of the grunge look and was trying to open up. Well, it was all true. I still couldn’t help but look at some of those gorgeous boys! I began to daydream about them. I licked my lips slightly in the anticipation of being with them. Kissing, and being held. Mmmmmmmm! My insides seemed to warm up at thinking about those thoughts.
I felt another smack on my arm. Mindy had just smacked me!
Startled, I rather angrily asked, “What the heck did you do that for?”
Mindy gave me that duh! look. “Quit encouraging these boys to want to hit on you!”
“I was doing no such thing!”
“Oh my god Lynn! You were! You have to watch how you look at people, the expressions you use, and how you talk! That is something I am going to have to teach you from now until Homecoming. You are still new at this and relating with others as a girl is no piece of cake! We come under a different set of rules than boys have. There is still a lot you need to learn. I am not going to keep sitting here helping push all these boys away from you if you are going to keep giving them the ‘I’m available’ look!
In my Biology science class at 5th period, when all of the stares and buzz about my new look had died down, one of the boys in my water polo class, Mark, who sitting at the kiosk table behind me while we were attempting to dissect frogs, boldly came out to ask me what I was praying would never be asked!
“Why were you on the boy’s water polo team, Lynn? And naked?” he asked quietly, while pointing to his chest.
What was I going to say? That I’m really a boy, but here I am sitting dressed as a girl? What the fudge am I going to say?
I turned, angrily and huffed. I gave him as angry a stare as I could with tears in my eyes. Yeah, my eyes tended to leak why I get upset. And this, this was the key to my being upset! I really wanted to be on that team. I loved the sport, and I loved swimming, and yet I can’t now because of my disguise. If he says this any louder or spreads the rumor, which I now fully expected to happen, I was dead!
He met my gaze, and for the life of me, seemed to drop it. I don’t know why he did or what he was feeling inside, but having seen me as I am now and my anger, it somehow deflated him. Or so it seemed to me.
“Look,” he whispered back to me again, “If it means anything to you, I knew you were trying to prove something, and I had no problem with you there trying. I did always admire you. You look very pretty, you know? I never understood though, why you were trying to be pretend to be a boy.”
Well, here he was apologizing and hitting on me at the same time. Wow, girls really do have it hard in the social life at school! It’s a constant war trying to keep boys at bay, and be yourself, until you find the one that interested you! I quickly thought just how I wanted to respond to what he had said.
I leaned over, with tear-blurred vision, and stated, “I wanted to compete with boys in the same sport. I wanted to be someone and to be treated just like boys would be. You saw me in the pools. I’m not well built up here.” I motioned pointing to my chest. “I’m using little helpers to give me some shape until I do bloom. I didn’t think anything would be wrong as I did not have breasts yet like other girl’s. I’m ashamed I don’t, but I thought it would be the opportunity of a lifetime to try and compete while I was able to do so. I did not realize just how much trouble I was causing.”
Mark nodded and returned, “Well coach sent a memorandum to all of us on the team this morning explaining that someone from another school had showed up using your name and looked very similar to you, but as a boy. It was an inter-school prank and had been stopped. He had kicked them off of the team and appropriate action was taken.”
Mark passed me the notice. I read it.
Wow! It’s all untrue, but what else could be done to cover up the fact I had been there? Now, the two wins I had led our team in were stricken from the records and the meet judges were going to adjust the scores for the year’s end. *groan* Would others keep quiet about it or believe it? At least Coach Wilson was helping me rather than hurting me. I did not quite believe he disliked me that much because of how much energy and effort I had put into the team while I was there. In his own way, he was protecting me as well as himself.
“Most of the others on the team,” Mark continued quietly, interrupting my thoughts, “do believe it was someone else, but, I know you. I have seen you throughout the school. If you want to pretend and act like a boy, it’s cool in my book. Your jokes were always funny to me.”
He grinned.
Wow! Maybe I never really was a boy at all? Everyone thinks I had been a girl. My ego was thoroughly shattered! Hmm. Maybe there are some benefits to being a girl after all? I was just learning about how to wield emotions and play things so that they could go my way. I knew I had a long ways to go and a lot to learn still!
I quickly handed his notice back to him and we both turned around and got back to our dissection work as Mr. Keatman peered over looking at each pair’s work on the dissections. This dissection stuff was really gross!
After Home Economics at 6th period, and garnering a pile of assignments and pre-test material to study, I made my way to the School Office. I was amazed, simply amazed! Everyone seemed to think I had just changed clothing for looks and had not changed my sex from boy to girl. I mean really! Was I that poor of a boy that my trying to be one and dress like one was that pitiful? Did I really look like a girl so much that those who saw me believed what they wanted? And what they thought they saw was just a girl? I’m still debating on that one.
The office secretaries, whom had seen me in there quite often this past week, both did a double-take as they saw me come in. I stood there with a bit more confidence in myself than I had before I came to school this morning.
“Miss Benson had asked me to see me?” I demurely asked.
Mindy chose that precise moment to enter the office. She had been requested here as well and I had started to wonder where she was.
Nancy, the secretary I saw the most replied, “I’ll tell her that you are here Lynn. You look absolutely stunning dear.”
I blushed. I seemed to be doing that a lot recently too!
Nancy opened the door and then came back out saying, “She’ll see you both now.”
Mindy and I made our way through the counter swing door and walked into Miss Benson’s office. To say Miss Benson was surprised would be an understatement. Her jaw dropped open and she almost looked like a fish trying to breathe in the water.
Both Mindy and I took a seat in the chairs in front of her desk and looked at her. Mindy looked at me and then back to Miss Benson, who was suddenly lacking for words.
“Lynn, child, are you sure you are really a boy?”
“Yes, Ma’m. At least I think I was. After the reactions of everyone today, I’m not so sure anymore.”
Miss Benson continued to stare, critically taking in every detail about me. I was really on display!
“Then I assume from what I see and heard that you will have no problem at all pulling off these events and attending Homecoming?”
Mindy beamed, “Absolutely Miss Benson. Lynn seems to be a natural at this and all of the boys are hitting on him.”
Miss Benson raised an eyebrow. “Are you properly teaching Lynn how to politely say no to boy’s advances? The last thing we would need is for one to discover who Lynn really is.”
I cut in, “Yes Miss Benson. I am. Mindy is a very good teacher when it comes to girl’s ways of doing things. I’m not sure of actually wanting to date boys either.”
Miss Benson’s mouth twitched at hearing that. It took her brain a moment to process what I had just said. Mindy just smiled back at me.
“Well Lynn, tomorrow is the big day, your first in public as a representative of this school. Do you think you can pull it off?” Miss Benson continued.
I was a failure at representing the school on the water polo team, but there was no way I was going to fail it in the Homecoming Gala and the associated meetings!
“Yes Miss Benson, I’m ready.”
“I hope so. Tomorrow I want you to bring all of the specified clothes I had asked for, especially the dress. Lynn, you come to my office after 3rd period and you can change in here. I’ll escort you to and from the luncheon. All you’ll have to do is eat a little lunch, present the check and say a few words about how proud you are to be a princess and what the Cancer society means to you - including how proud you are of their work towards helping others. Be sure to be tactful and emit warm feelings towards them. Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes Miss Benson,” both Mindy and me chimed together.
“Good! Make it through this and Homecoming and the other functions will be easy,” Miss Benson finished. “I just cannot get over just how much a girl you are Lynn. You truly look and act the part! You have my compliments. I expect you will be able to make it through the rest of the year?”
I nodded, with a little sadness showing in my posture.
“Oh, and Lynn, do remind your mother of our meeting on Monday morning? I need to bring her up to date on your situation and alter the records accordingly.”
She just had to remind me of that! Mindy appeared a little frightened too.
“I will Miss Benson.”
Mindy and I were gabbing some, standing out under the school overhang along the sidewalk where the buses parked each morning and afternoon picking up and dropping off students. It wasn’t too long before Mrs. Swanson drove up and picked the both of us up.
Mindy’s Mother did not recognize me as Lynn and treated me as the girl I appeared to be. How come Mindy was always so right and I was so wrong? ’Snot fair!
After doing our homework, Mindy went downstairs into the garage and unlocked the side door. After she came back in, unnoticed by her mother, I gathered my school things and made my farewell. I went outside the front door, bee-lined around to the garage and entered it. I quickly changed clothing and slipped my hair back into a low ponytail. I wiped off my lipstick and eye shadow with a paper towel and jammed it into my pocket.
I need to get rid of it more thoroughly when I get home! I thought to myself as I locked the door and exited.
I made it home before Mom did and removed the leftover makeup. I wetted down my hair some to slick it down and return some of the grunge look back to me. Then, as I promised I would, I began vacuuming the living room and picking things up.
Mom came home and she was also shocked. Today, I seemed to have been a hit as Lynn the girl, and to my Mother as well, as Lynn the boy. I was very careful and thorough with my cleaning and my Mom took in every little detail of the job I had done. Girl’s really do notice the little details of things. Yep, I’m learning that on the fly!
Mom and me had another wonderful evening together during dinner and afterwards. I was truly saddened at all of the years I had missed of enjoying her company like this with her. I really enjoyed sharing time with her like this. I wish I could reverse time and go back then to make up for it all and be the boy that she wanted. But I wasn’t a boy — was I? But starting Monday, I’m going to have to start checking the classifieds for a new home… *gulp!*
I hardly dreamed this night. It was as if the intensity and purpose of them had left me. I was adrift in a peaceful slumber for one night at least!
I awoke early the next morning, just like I had yesterday, and found that Mom had already left for work. Today was going to be my big day for me so I went to shower. I soaped myself up and felt stubble on my legs and not to mention the uncomfortable scratching under my arms. I saw that Mom had left her razor in the shower, so I finally did what any red-blooded girl would do. I borrowed it!
It felt good to be smooth again.
I changed at Mindy’s just like I had the previous day and Mindy was carrying my blue formal dress in a zippered travel carry bag. She dropped it by Miss Benson’s office before school started and was told in no uncertain terms to be here after 3rd period to help me get ready.
I was as nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. I had to keep turning down advances by boys and I took in all the complements that I was getting for dressing more appropriately. It seemed as though each class lasted only ten minutes and when the bell ending third period rang, I almost jumped through the ceiling! My only thought was whether or not I could do this thing!
Miss Benson and Mindy were waiting for me as I entered her office.
“You’ll have to hurry Lynn. Take your under things and put them on in my bathroom. Don’t worry about gluing your forms on that you are wearing because it will be easier for you to change out of when you get home from school. Now get a move on,” Miss Benson ordered.
I closed the door behind me as I entered the bathroom. I pulled off the girl clothing I had worn to school this morning and looked at myself in the mirror. I still saw a very pretty girl, even without the makeup on. I felt my stomach turn. How is it that everyone thinks I am a girl or always had been? I mean, I know inside now that I am a girl, but geez! Do I get any credit for having been a boy ever? Does the thing that makes me a male between my legs even count?
I slipped on the pantyhose and then a fresh pair of panties. I was standing there completely in my under things. Mindy slid in and began to perform her magic with makeup quickly on me. Soon, Mindy was helping me into the blue formal dress that sort of hugged me around my topside with a semi-low cut where neither my bra nor forms would be visible. On went Mindy’s pendant again, the ring I had been wearing, and now the heels.
“Lynn you are simply gorgeous!” Mindy complimented me as she passed me the cardigan sweater to put on over top of the dress. Again I looked into the mirror. There was no doubt that I would be the Princess the women were expecting.
“Heavens Be!” Miss Benson exclaimed. “I’d never believe it if I wasn’t seeing this with my own eyes.”
“Thank you, Miss Benson,” I giggled nervously.
“You look every bit a Princess my dear! I have never had a Princess as beautiful as you Lynn! This is going to be the best year ever!” Miss Benson was absolutely enthralled with my look. It was as if I had cast a spell upon her.
“I want to check to be sure that nothing is amiss! Walk around my office for me and let me see your pose. It wouldn’t do for you to be walking like a boy.”
I walked as instructed. My lower heels were so much easier to walk in! My walk, posture, and every movement was picture perfect and Miss Benson was beyond impressed.
“My goodness Lynn! Where did you learn to walk like that? Was it Mindy?”
Mindy shook her head no.
“I just seem to have taken to it naturally after I tried on my first pair of girl’s shoes Miss Benson. Mindy was just as astounded as you are now.”
“I can see that! You walk with more grace than half the real girls in this school!”
My face reddened with that compliment. I really did not think I was better than a real girl at walking like one.
“Are you sure that you are Ok with this Lynn?” Miss Benson looked at me with some concern.
“I’m a little nervous. I’ll be okay.”
“Don’t be nervous Lynn. You’re a beautiful girl! Hold your head up high. Be proud of being a Princess, because from what I’ve seen so far, you are more than just a Princess.”
I felt my eyes begin to water with happiness. I was proud! I loved being this Princess so much! I just wish circumstances could have been more favorable and this didn’t have to be the end result of a prank gone wrong! I truly loved this!
“Don’t you dare cry Lynn! We don’t have time to fix your makeup again,” Mindy laughed.
We went to the luncheon and everything went even better that we had hoped for. I presented the check - you know one of those really big ones made for photo opportunities? The local paper was there and they took pictures of Miss Benson and me with the officers of the group. I spent a lot of time talking to the ladies and they fawned over me as if I was their daughter. If this was what being Princess was all about - Heck! I’m going to run again next year!
We returned to school and I was soon back inside of Miss Benson’s office.
“Okay Lynn, you have no idea of how proud I am of you! You pulled this thing off without a hitch. The ladies loved you and I’m sure most of them would have loved to have brought you home with them. You are just so much a natural girl, it’s as Mindy had said - really eerie.”
Miss Benson’s eyes brimmed with pleasure.
“Now, you have nothing more to do until Saturday. Saturday morning you have to be at the spa by 9 am. You and the rest of the girls are going to be getting a makeover. It will give you a chance to meet the rest of your court. I know that you’ve never been to a spa, but don’t worry, you’ll have fun. Just go along with whatever they want to do to you.” Miss Benson then handed me a schedule sheet showing the complete Spa treatment and the times of things.
“The worst thing that could happen is that you’ll be even prettier than you were today.”
Embarrassment flooded me and I couldn’t help but feel it. I knew that I was beautiful looking but I didn’t need all this praise! I blushed again. But then I thought about the Spa Makeover. What would happen if one of the ladies there discovered me?
“Miss Benson, suppose they find me out? Discover me? What should I do?” I nervously asked.
“All they are going to be doing is your hair, nails, and makeup. So don’t worry about being discovered.”
I nodded, but I still wasn’t so certain about that!
Miss Benson then more softly asked, “Did you enjoy today Lynn?”
“Yes Miss Benson. I did have a lovely time today.”
“You seemed to. For some reason you seem to shine when you’re a girl. You did not seem to have much confidence when you were a boy. It’s too bad you aren’t really a girl.”
Hmm! Little did she know!
“I do feel more confident, but I don’t know why?”
Miss Benson paused and thought for a moment.
“Maybe this is who you’re meant to be? I cannot say for certain, but only you would know the answer. But in any case, I am truly sorry that this prank got out of control. I am not looking forward to explaining this to your Mother, but I will not cross the line in changing any student’s records without their parent’s permission. I can also understand your feelings as well in not wanting to admit to this prank in front of the entire school either. I do wish you the best in fulfilling your role, and if you have any problems, do come and see me. I’ll try to help you with whatever your problems are. I’m not heartless. Try and have fun Saturday. I’ll see you at the parade,” Miss Benson said.
Feeling that we were dismissed, Mindy and I left her office.
Mindy remembered, “Lynn, you’ll have to be at my house at 7 am Saturday. We need to have time for your forms to set and get you dressed.”
“What about your parents?”
“It’s Saturday! They won’t be up until eleven. Just be there and I’ll wait by the door, so don’t knock. That way they won’t be up.”
Mindy just always seems to know everything and has a plan. She sure has the brains of our friendship!
I went home and later that evening told my mother what the schedule was going to be like on Saturday. Naturally, I couldn’t tell her that I was one of the girls in the parade and would also be at the dance as one! I had just realized that this was going to be one of the most special times in my entire life. A part of me ached deeply to want to just tell my Mother and have it done with so she could be there and enjoy the event with me. I really wanted her to be there! But… She was going to hate me like that! She wants a son, not me, as her daughter! Fudge!!! Life can be so cruel.
“Mom,” I then mentioned to her, as we were both sitting on the couch watching television together, “Mindy and I are on the decoration committee for the dance Saturday. I have to be at Mindy’s by seven in the morning.”
“Are you going to be able to get up that early?” Mom gave me the eye.
“Of course I will. I have had to be up early every day this week, I will manage that. I’ll be going straight to the dance after the setup, so I won’t be coming home until it’s over. You won’t have to wait up for me,” I stated.
Oh God! I hated to say that! I really wanted to say “Mom, I’d really love for you to come and be there with me! I want you to see your daughter in all her glory.” But I can’t!!!!! It was impossible!
I clenched my hands in anger and then, let them go and relax.
Changing me back to Lynn the boy wouldn’t be a problem either since I was changing at Mindy’s. It would just be better if Mom were asleep when I got home. Just in case I walked in kinda funny. I wondered just what my feet would feel like after all that dancing in heels? It sounded pretty painful to me!
Mom replied, “Normally I would wait up for you Lynn, but I have a wedding shower to attend for one of my co-workers and I won’t be home until after midnight. What time is the dance over?”
“I think eleven,” I answered.
“Okay. I want you to call me when you get home so I won’t be worried about you.”
“Yes Mother.”
Thursday and Friday were pretty boring and routine other than the excitement in school about the homecoming dance. The shock of my new way of dressing seemed to have worn off and I was accepted among everyone in school as a girl. There never seemed to be any doubts in anyone’s mind I had ever been a boy. That still upsets me!
I then went from ecstatic to fright as I thought about what was going to be taking place. Would my secret be discovered before the dance? The most calming thing on my mind was that wonderful day I spent at the luncheon. There was no question in any of those women’s minds about my gender. I was treated as a girl and accepted as one as well. They treated me very special there. I just loved it!
The only really creepy thing that happened to me was at lunch on Friday. I was approached by four senior girls who had a question for me.
“You’re Lynn aren’t you?” a blonde girl asked.
“Umm, yes?” I politely answered.
“I voted for you for Princess,” she said.
“Umm, Thank you. Thank you very much,” I responded with a smile and blushed furiously.
“Can I ask you a question?” she asked.
I got my blush to stop and could now move my mouth again.
“I guess so.”
“You’re so pretty, why did you dress the way that you used to?”
Well, here we go, back to same question Carla had asked me. Good thing I remember what I said, huh? I don’t want to lie and by some perversion of reality, it did seem close to the actual truth so I went with it.
“I was tired of being treated like I was object that could break, long ago when I was little. I had an urge to break out of that image and be one of the boys. I wanted to be treated as an equal and do things with them instead of being told “You can’t do this with us. You’re a girl.”
“I more or less kept doing it like I had a point to prove. But when I won the Homecoming Princess Contest… well… I had to really ask myself if I should still be fighting to be like that anymore. I found that I no longer really had the desire to. This Contest and event, it just changed my way of thinking of how I should be.”
Oh boy, did it ever!
“I knew it,” responded the brunette. “I have three brothers and the only time that they let me play with them was when I dressed down to their level and behaved something like you did. I’m actually glad you did drop the grunge look. You’re far too pretty for it.”
Here comes the blush again. Oooo!
“I’m sort of glad I did too,” I meekly added. I did like being pretty. Being a girl has advantages!
The girls left and Mindy started laughing.
She then whispered into my ear, “If only they knew!” She began to giggle again. I had to wait until she stopped her fit for her to continue on.
“Where did you come up with that line girlfriend?”
I pursed my lips then turned facing her. “I happened to have to use that line all week to explain my change of attire.” I pointed at my camo.
Mindy just giggled. “Can you imagine their expressions if they knew that they had just talked to a boy?”
“Stuff it Mindy. It was all I could think of saying.” I looked down at my lunch rather moody. Sometimes Mindy can be such a pill!
“Well Miss Princess, I can see their point. It was a shame to cover your natural beauty all that time.”
I frowned and looked over at Mindy again. “Mindy, you know I can’t dress like I want — as a boy again! I’m in so much hot water I can’t see straight! All of this is going to end come Monday after Mom finds out. And you won’t have to worry about a friend to tease sitting here at the lunch table with you. It’s because I’ll be gone!”
Mindy’s face turned to disbelief. “What do you mean you’ll be gone? Your Mom isn’t going to get rid of you!”
I retorted, “Oh? Shows how much you know! My Mother, all week, has been going on how much she loves and adores me — as her son! She just is not the type of Mother that wanted to have a daughter. She is going to kick me out and I’m going to have to live with some different parents — what do they call them when someone is in my situation?”
“Foster parents?” Mindy gushed, still not believing what I was saying.
“Yes! Foster parents! I’ll have to switch schools too along with a new home. So you won’t have good old Lynn around to tease.”
I rested my head down on top of my arms folded on the table. I was upset!
“And besides… I like being a boy,” I muffled out weakly through my arms. I don’t know if I really believed that or not. I enjoyed everything I was finding out about being a girl. But I couldn’t let Mindy know right now. And right now she was annoying me!
I felt Mindy’s arms go around me and pulled me to her. I didn’t resist. “Lynn calm down! I am sorry Okay? I did not mean to hurt you. I am so sorry.”
Great! There go my eyes again - crying.
“Lynn, your Mother is not going to get rid of you. She may have a difficult time understanding all of this mess that we are in. I mean we — you and me!”
“Look, if you really have to stay dressed as a girl until Christmas, I will help you, you know that! I don’t want you to have to move either! We will figure something out Ok? After this Homecoming event, no more pressure on you being a girl okay? Stay dressed as a boy after school all you want and we will still go places.”
A girl had walked over from the table beside us and asked, “Mindy? Is Lynn alright?”
I was trying to shut the entire world out while I clenched my eyes closed and leaning there against Mindy.
“She’s fine Laura. She is just upset at some things at home.” She said.
Maybe I won’t be fine? Maybe I’ve already become the girl I so innocently tried to pose as. God, this is so messed up! I just can’t tell my Mother anything about this. But she was going to know come Monday. I have just got to stop worrying about this! Enjoy these last few days, because, honestly, I don’t know what’s going to happen to me. So live up each day, like it’s my last!
“I just wanted to be sure she was okay Min. I do consider her a friend and I want to help if I can.”
A friend? I sniffled and pulled my head up off of Mindy’s shoulder and wiped my eyes.
Outside of Mindy, I had no real friends. Since I started to have to dress as a girl here in school, the kids here actually believed I had been a girl all along and they liked me and talked to me. As Lynn the boy, this would have been impossible! A friend? I am shocked!
“I-I-I’ll be f-fine.” I tried to reassure Laura. “D-did you really mean w-what you said?”
Laura smiled a smile that radiated genuine warmth. “Yes Lynn, I did. I want to be your friend.”
I sniffled and then quietly said, "Thank you. *sniffle* I would like that... a lot."
I weakly held out my hand to her. She took it.
“Friends,” we both stated as we shook hands.
Maybe Miracles do happen?
Tonight, being a Friday night — and the night before Homecoming — I had stayed up some with Mom watching a movie she liked. It was more of a drama type film and I found that I was really immersing myself into it. It wasn’t the action type film I normally watched, but I was actually trying to sense what the man and the woman main characters were feeling. I was anticipating their voices and feeling what they felt. Mom rather enjoyed my company watching it with her.
I slept fitfully this night. I had many dreams, but the one I wound up remembering, even to this day, was the one about Rex.
In this dream, I was a real Princess. I was wearing a strapless gown with many petticoats. I had grown large breasts that held the dress up. I was being escorted to a carriage by my handmaiden and was helped into it by a footman. It was right out of Cinderella! A team of ten large horses was pulling this carriage - all of them were pure white.
I arrived at my destination and Rex, the regal and handsome Prince that he was, was there to help me from my carriage.
“My Princess,” he swooned. “You did come! I had been hoping and dreaming that you would. I want… I want to ask you… for your hand… in marriage.”
I had stepped onto the ground and looked at his darling handsome face. It was so full of questioning hope! My stomach was doing flip-flops! We were so in love and a marriage proposal was the only thing a girl wanted from her handsome prince!
It was too bad I had to reveal the truth and shatter this Prince’s dreams!
“My Darling Rex, if only I could marry you. It’s just not possible! I’m only fourteen years old, and - I’m a boy,” I replied.
“But I love you and I will wait until you are old enough to marry,” Rex countered. I felt the same twitch in my mouth I had seen Miss Benson do in school. Rex must not have heard me?
“But, I’m a boy,” I repeated, pointing at the obvious swelling of my chest.
“You’re not a boy, my Princess. Only girls can be Princesses, and that is so obvious as to what you are, Princess Lynn.”
Wow! Rex had such cool logic! He must be right!
“What you say has to be true then. I’m a Princess, therefore, I must be a girl! Oh, kiss me my dearest, of course I’ll marry you!” I gleefully shouted and jumped into his arms.
As he held me up in his arms, which I might add felt so darn wonderful!! Mmmmm!, Rex kissed me. Our lips met and this kiss was the kiss of all dreams! None could be more perfect!
“I love you Rex!” I cooed.
“I love you my Princess.”
Our perfect love was interrupted by my annoying alarm.
To Be Continued...
Homecoming Princess (Revised) - Part 6
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Homecoming Princess (Revised)
Part 6 By Arecee Edited by Holly Hart & Sephrena Miller |
I felt as though I was walking on a cloud! I looked at the clock and realized that I had been here for more than five hours!! I saw Mindy sitting in the reception area. She looked up as I approached her.
When she saw me she gasped.
I had hoped her face would have a look of happiness because of how I looked, but what her face showed was total sheer panic!
“Oh my God! Lynn!!! What have you done?” she gasped. The panic on her face came through in her voice.
Pictures purchased and licensed royalty-free from www.istockphoto.com .
I switched the alarm off!
Why did early mornings always come so early? *groan* Especially on Saturdays?
I pulled my covers off of me and slowly sat up. What a dream!
It took me a moment for my head to clear as I got up and stretched. I had a lot to do today, so I had better get started. Mindy said that I would shower at her place, so I threw on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt with some obscure heavy metal band on it. I tied my hair back down low into my familiar ponytail.
I went down the hall and slowly opened up my Mother’s bedroom door. Yep! She was still asleep. I figured I’d better let her know that I was leaving. I didn’t want to worry her.
I gently kissed my Mother on her cheek. She started to stir.
“Mom, I’m leaving,” I whispered in her ear.
“Ung, it’s so early. What time is it?” she sleepily asked.
“Almost seven. I have to hurry to meet Mindy. I’ll see you tonight.”
Mom’s hand made its way out from under the comforter and grasped mine.
“Remember to call me when you get home,” she reminded me.
“Of course Mother. I Love you.”
“Love you too, Sweety.”
I rushed to the bus stop and almost missed the bus. It was early for the first time in recorded history! Ten minutes later I was at Mindy’s front door.
Mindy opened the front door to her house before I could even knock!
“Hurry, you have to take a shower!” she emphasized as she pulled me into her house.
“How did you know I was here?” I whispered back.
“I was watching for you! I didn’t want you to wake my Mom and Dad. Wear the clear plastic shower cap hanging above the towel rack while you shower to keep your hair dry — it’s mine. They are going to do your hair at the salon so don’t wash it. And don’t forget to shave your legs and underarms. Those are going to be on display today with your dress.”
I paused as I knew she had two bathrooms, one down here and one upstairs. I hoped she didn’t mean the upstairs one. That one’s too close to her parent’s room!
Mindy pointed to the one down the hall behind me. “Scoot! I’ll bring your clothes in to you.”
You know what? Mindy is going to make an awesome mother someday. She has all the hallmarks of a good one already.
I turned around and couldn’t help myself! I retorted to her in a high pitched childlike voice, “Yes Mommy!”
Mindy smacked my behind.
I scooted!
I showered like Mindy had said to do. My legs really didn’t need to be shaved - my hair was not growing back fast at all. It was very thin, fine and short. Certainly not like other boys or men had! They can keep all that hair! I like mine being the way it is. I shaved my legs anyways. If nothing else, it made me feel more like a girl.
“Here are your clothes Lynn. You are using my yellow camisole top with denim shorts. I know you don’t have a wide choice of girl clothing, so it’ll be fine. You’ll be changing out of these after the salon. I’ll be bringing your dress with you and helping you with the makeup.”
I peeked from around the curtain.
“Finish up Miss Slowpoke. We have about 20 minutes to be at the bus stop.”
I stuck my tongue out at Mindy and pulled the curtain back closed.
I exited the shower and dried myself off. The most gorgeous panties were waiting for me on the toilet lid. They were red and almost pure lace. I know this is meant for an adult woman; they were certainly a bit much for a girl my age. But Mindy had gotten it for me at Victoria’s Secret last week. It was a velvety fabric cut so it dipped down low in the middle where it had just enough fabric to cover my most intimate spot and curved up high to the band as it hugged me below the navel. The label said Bikini cut.
I pushed myself up inside in between my legs and found myself blushing as I pulled the panties up slowly onto me. I loved how they felt!
“Are you ready yet?” Mindy asked from behind me.
Mindy had chosen that precise moment to enter the bathroom. I turned around, facing her. Mindy’s eyes just zeroed in on my panties.
“Lynn,” Mindy started with a startled expression. “Are you sure you aren’t a girl?”
I lowered my head, somewhat embarrassed. I could see that I looked pretty much like a girl where it counted down there, but it was only the looks from the way that I shoved my bits up inside me. I was really a far cry from being a girl.
“Mindy,” I sighed. “I’m a boy.”
Her expression was more of concern. “Well, most boys cannot do what you do with that. It’s not normal.”
“You’ve seen me do this before Min.”
Mindy gave me the eye again. I knew she wasn’t going to back off this issue without saying her piece. What choice did I have? I let her.
“I seriously think you should see a doctor about that Lynn. At least get an opinion. I do care about you.”
Geez! It didn’t hurt me. Why did I need a doctor?
“I’m fine Mindy.” I was a little blustered. I just wanted to drop this issue. I’d really rather have what Mindy has between her legs than what I had. All I was able to do was give the appearance that I looked similar to her down there. I wasn’t really like her down there though. What would it feel like to be a real girl?
*sigh*
“I’m sorry Lynn.” Mindy pulled me into a hug. “I’m just concerned about you. Don’t you dare think I’m making fun of you!”
I know she didn’t. It’s just… with everything that is going on… it’s scaring me! I just wanted to be myself, whatever that might be.
I stifled my reflex for getting the waterworks to flow out of my eyes.
“Okay Mindy. If it will make you feel better, I’ll ask my Mother to make an appointment for me next week. That is, assuming, I’m still her child.”
“Oh Lynn!” She gave me a look of pittance. “Please trust me? She is not going to get rid of you.”
“But what is she going to with me when she talks to Miss Benson? I mean, I am waiting until Sunday to tell her about that.”
Mindy quietly answered. “I don’t know Lynn.”
She squeezed my hand reassuringly.
“I’m scared.”
“I would be too. I’m going to be there for you.”
I was lost in thought for a moment as Mindy prodded me to lay down so that she could put my breast forms on.
“Mindy wait a second, please. These panties… why did you get them for me? Aren’t they a little… too ‘grown up’ for me?”
I realized then that I was still standing there in only those panties. Mindy has seen me like this before, so it’s no big deal.
“Lynn, they are supposed to be. They are supposed to make you feel more sexy, more adult, and more of a woman. It will help you to stay in that frame of mind while you act out the part of being a Princess today. Remember, the prettier you feel from underneath your dress — from the inside, the prettier you will shine on the outside.”
Well, I did want to do my best. I think I did fairly well this week in school so far. I’m really starting to get attention. I have friends now, and I thought that was impossible! Girls talk to me now, and the boys. Yeah! They never seem to leave me alone. That was an entirely new experience for me, being treated differently, more respectful by them. Yes… even desired by them.
Before, boys used to tease me or else ignore me all together. Then, when I changed my clothing and came to school dressed as a girl, everyone seemed to think I had always been one. They assumed I had been a girl trying to portray being a boy! Now, that I am on the other side of the fence in their eyes, and appearing to them as a girl, I guess they would start to see me as a different person entirely. It’s very stressful to keep trying to turn the conversation away from their wanting to express their feelings about me and wanting to date me to something more mundane that I would like to talk about. I mean, I’m only fourteen! My Mother won’t let me date yet until I’m 16. And I’m going to do as she says.
I want her proud of me.
“Umm, okay.”
“Let’s hurry girl, we are running out of time.” Mindy grabbed some towels and laid them down on the bathroom floor to provide a temporary mat of sorts.
“Okay, now lay down. I have to glue your breasts on. I need to use more glue than we had been using because we can’t take a chance that they might come loose and fall out.”
Yikes! I tried to hide that image from my mind. That would be like, so embarrassing - and a disaster!
“Will we still be able to remove them?”
“It might be a little more difficult, but we can get them off. I can’t have you going home with breasts. Your mother would blow a gasket!” Yes, I believe she would!
Mindy rubbed the glue all over the back of the forms and held them on my chest until they were set. She then blended the line between my chest and the forms with some sort of elastic makeup stuff she mixed from some tubes to get the right coloration of my skin tone. Where did she get this stuff from?
When she was done, and I stood up admiring her handiwork, they almost looked completely real — my own breasts! They would never survive an up close inspection, but, covered and a casual glance, I doubted that anyone would notice anything amiss.
The first time I had worn these forms, they were a pain in the butt! But now, I really miss not having them on me after they have been removed. I sort of wished that they could be real. I glanced in the mirror at them and bounced on my heels a little and watched them jiggle. I watched a pleased grin pass across my face. Mindy, noticing what I was doing, shoved a bra that matched my panties to me. I knew that upset her just slightly, so I stopped and put the bra on. The bra, oohhh! It was so silky! When I held it in my hands and felt the softness of the material, it felt like it was flowing! I wondered what it would feel like against real breasts - my own?
I imagined the softness of the bra caressing my own nipples as it held me in securely.
“Lynn, stop daydreaming and put your bra on. It’s getting late.”
“Okay,” I mumbled.
Now I knew why girls spent so much time in the bathroom alone at home. You would never have the time to enjoy being a girl if your girl friend was right there beside you to spoil the fun!
Mindy started to giggle.
“Huh?” I had spun the bra back around and already had my right arm through the shoulder strap. “What’s so funny?”
“You. I remember the first time I wore a bra like that. I remember how it made me feel.”
I had finished putting my left arm through the other strap. I was snugging up my forms into the cups more comfortably.
“I must admit, it really does feel good.”
“It’s supposed to. That’s the reason they make bras like that, for girls to feel special. Just don’t get too cozy with it though. It’s only for tonight.”
I hoped not. I liked this feel.
I stared at myself in the mirror again. Try as I might, I couldn’t find a boy anymore in the vision before me.
I felt a tug at my arm, and Mindy was slipping the camisole top onto me. I joined in helping her put it on. I then slipped into the shorts and then zipped them up.
“Put just a little bit of makeup on because they’re going to remove it when you get there anyways.”
I deftly applied a touch of lipstick and some eye shadow again, as I had been doing for almost a week now, and was satisfied with how I looked.
“You are a quick learner Lynn!” Mindy praised my effort at doing my own makeup.
I smiled.
Mindy then handed me a pair of her white running shoes with pink side bands inlaid on the leather for my feet, since heels were not necessary for the salon trip. I did not want to risk ruining them before Homecoming even began!
Finally, Mindy pulled my hair into a ponytail, except it was a little higher on my head.
“You can change into your dress after the salon. Miss Benson wants us to do it at her office. After the dance, you can come back here to change. My mom thinks you’re a girl named Linda already, so my parents won’t be a problem for that short period of time. Go ahead and leave your boy clothes here, because you won’t need them until after the dance.”
Mindy then hid my boy clothes inside her dresser underneath her clothes.
“Okay. I guess I’m ready.” I took a deep breath.
We both quietly made it out of the house without having disturbed her parents and walked across her lawn to the bus stop and waited for my trip into femininity.
“I envy you Lynn. I’ve always wanted to have my very own make-over, but Mom says we can’t afford it for me.”
“Are they expensive?”
“Yes they are! Especially at the spa where you’ll be going!”
“My haircuts used to cost like maybe fifteen dollars. Is it more than that?” I asked innocently.
Mindy started laughing again. “It costs like 3 and half times what all your clothes we got for you that day we shopped for you last week.”
Gulp!
A green Dodge Caravan pulled up alongside the curb in front of us. The window rolled down. An attractive woman, about the same age as my mother, greeted us.
“Hi, and you must be… Lynn Collins?”
“Yes, how did you know?”
“I was guessing… and because you don’t look a day over fourteen! No, Really, I’m Brenda Worthington from Styles Spa. Gloria Benson from Central High School hired us to take you to our Spa for your makeover. A limousine will pick everyone up from our salon at 2 pm to take all of you back to your school to change into your dresses and do your photo shoot there. Then they will give you further instructions on what all of you are supposed to do.”
“Oh,” was my muted response.
She had clicked the door lock to open it. I pulled open the door and let Mindy slide into the far seat first in the back. I then sat down, smoothing out my skirt before finally seating myself. Then, I pulled the door shut. And we were on our way.
“Lynn the driver here is Lisa. She will be driving you back to your school when we are done.”
“Miss Worthington, this is my best friend in the whole world — Mindy Swanson.”
Brenda turned around in her seat and gently shook Mindy’s hand. “Pleased to meet you Mindy.”
Mindy smiled and replied, “I’m pleased to meet you too.”
“Lynn, I just wanted to add that I think you are going to be, by far, the most beautiful girl there at your Homecoming! You have me wishing I could be as pretty as you are.”
My face just reddened with embarrassment. Was I really that beautiful? Or is this just the way girls communicate by just saying things like that to get your attention. Whatever it was… I liked it!
“I hope you will enjoy your visit to our salon. Our whole staff looks forward to these makeovers every year, because it’s fun to start with a beautiful woman and try to improve what she already has. I won’t be working on you directly, but I will instruct the girls to do the best possible job for you. Hopefully you’ll want to return in the future before one of your special dates with your boyfriend.”
My face went even redder. Mindy kept glancing at me wondering why I was so embarrassed. I wondered if Rex would like my makeover?
We soon pulled up in front a relatively new looking store called ‘Styles Spa’. This is the right place alright. The outlines of women’s faces, lipstick bottles and hair styles along the front glass window panes impressed me. The neon store lettering above the front doors seemed to greet us with enthusiasm. Brenda led us in.
The smells of various chemicals, the sight of the different stations for doing various things at and the newness scent that permeated the entire salon overwhelmed me.
Wow!
“Come with me Lynn. You’ll need to change into a smock so we don’t ruin your clothes. Have you ever been to a salon before?”
“No ma’am,” I politely replied.
“I didn’t think so. Your hair needs some loving care.” She teased a few strands of my hair, observing the ends of them. “Don’t worry. When we’re done with you, you won’t even recognize yourself.”
That’s exactly what I was afraid of! If I won’t recognize myself, how will my mother?
I entered their changing room and removed my blouse. I glanced in the mirror they had hanging on the back of the door at my chest and knew that if anyone were to see my breasts, I was going to be toast! They really wouldn’t fool anyone. The seams had been cleverly hidden with makeup, but the color of the forms was somewhat off from my own skin color. Thankfully, my dress wouldn’t be showing any cleavage. And neither did this smock it seems. Good!
I put on the smock and tied it tight.
I exited the room and found a different woman, in her twenties, waiting for me.
“Hi, you must be Lynn! I’m Sondra and I’ll be coordinating your experience today. Brenda left you in my care for the moment. I’ll be doing your hair and you’ll be meeting a different girl for each stage of your makeover.”
“It’s nice to meet you Sondra,” I said, as I extended my hand. We shook gently.
“Are you ready for your total experience?” Sondra warmly smiled at me.
“Yes ma’am. I think so.”
I was definitely intrigued by all of this stuff. As a boy, I never did much for my appearance. But girls, geez!, They go through a heck of a lot for their appearance! That was a recurring theme Mindy kept impressing upon me. I guess now I can see why. Beauty is not easy!
I couldn’t wait to see what they were going to do to me!
Sondra led me to a wash station and proceeded to wash and condition my hair. When she was finished she wrapped my hair in a towel and brought me back to her station.
“So, Lynn, do you have any ideas as to what you would like?” she asked.
Well, of course I did. I had been studying hair fashion magazines all of my life. Even when I didn’t know I had wanted to be a girl, I knew I loved a lot of the hair styles I saw in those magazines and daydreamed of wearing them. That had been the impetus for me to grow my hair long. There were some styles that I really liked a lot. The trouble was, I liked them all equally! I couldn’t decide! So, I thought it would be best for Sondra to make that decision for me.
“I am sorry Ma’am. I thought that maybe you might have some ideas,” I offered, “I’ll trust your judgment. All that I would like for is to be able to have a ponytail like I do now, after you’re done.”
Hopefully, I’ll look somewhat normal for me at least when this is over with.
Sondra removed my towel and framed my face with my wet hair. She held up the back, all the while she had a quizzical expression about her face as she studied my face and the possibilities. Her expression suddenly changed from one of those ‘I was looking all over the store’ to a ‘I just found what I was looking for’ smiles.
“I know just the thing! It will be perfect for you, and you’ll be able to pull it back into a ponytail later if you like. But I doubt that you will want to,” she cheerily said.
I looked around to ask Mindy what I should do - but she was gone! Oh no!
“Miss - I mean Sondra? Do you know where my friend Mindy is?” I asked, definitely not wanting to make such a serious decision on my own.
“Was she that girl slightly taller than you, brown hair, brown eyes, violet top with some sunflowers on them, and size 10 jeans?”
Omigosh!! She detailed Mindy to a T! Were all women this observant?
“Yes ma’am. That’s her.”
Sondra stated, “Lisa had to drive her back to her house. She forgot to bring your dress and shoes for your Homecoming.”
Oh God! What should I do?
“She’ll be back soon,” Sondra reassured me as she was looking through a cabinet for some bottles.
I can’t stall you until then, can I?
Sondra set the bottles down on the counter top behind me and waited for me.
I had no idea which hairstyle of the ones I liked I would want most. And Sondra is indirectly asking me if I wanted her to proceed. I have to give her some kind of answer without looking too much like a dork.
I bit my lower lip and nervously said, “Okay Sondra, I’m sure whatever you do will be just fine.”
I truly hoped so!
I squinted my eyes as Sondra began her work.
“Well Lynn, In order to do what I have in mind, I am going to have to trim some of your hair to make it work. I have to rim it a bit and then I’m going to color it with an accent highlight coloring.”
Color? Oh No! I was not going to be rude and say no. After all, I had just given her permission to do what she felt was best. Fudge! Fudge!
Sondra took some shears in hand and pulled down on the hair on the front of my head.
Snip!
I heard the scissors snap shut. I expected to see a small amount of hair fall down in front of my eyes. But when the huge clump of hair that I saw fall past my vision, I gasped!
“I’m giving you some bangs for this style,” Sondra informed me as she kept right on trimming.
Bangs? Holy crap, I’m dead! Forget Monday! After the Homecoming Dance tonight, I was going to be like totally gone! What was I going to do? There was absolutely no turning back now! Oh my God! The damage had just been done! Why couldn’t I have just said no?
Sondra continued to snip and cut all around my head.
Sometime during the process, my head quit flinching with each snip, as I had slid into an eerie calmness. You know, sort of like the way a condemned man would feel before being executed?
Yeah, just like that.
When she finished, she fluffed my still wet hair with her hands. Her smile couldn’t have been more proud.
“Now I’m going to give you some color.”
Sondra dried her hands on a towel and then brought out a stack of color strips on a large metal loop. The strips had various shades colors on each strip. She compared some to my hair and then asked me which color seemed to contrast best to my hair by showing me the specific block of color on the few strips she had selected.
I was so nervous I really felt like I needed to use the girl’s room!
I gulped, and pointed to a light shade of a red-brown color on the first strip to blend in with my hair.
Sondra then consulted a thick book lying on top of her counter before she started to mix and test the liquids she was going to color my hair with. It wasn’t long before she applied the coloring to my hair. She took small groupings of my hair and wrapped them with foil to keep them separated.
About what I thought was a half an hour later, Sondra started cleaning up her counter.
“Well, we are all done for now, Lynn. I’m going to set the timer for 15 minutes. When it dings, I’ll remove the foil and rinse out the coloring agent. Just lay back and relax. I’ll be back over when it dings, don’t worry”
“Thank you very much Sondra. I appreciate your efforts on me.” I complimented her. Never insult the chef cooking your food! Or in this case, the beautician.
“It’s a real pleasure to work with you Miss Collins. I’m sure you are going to love my creation. See you in a few minutes!” Sondra then walked on across the store to the back through a curtain.
It’s already too late to hide what had been done to me. There was really no point in worrying about hiding this anymore. The damage has been done. And I’m sure some more is soon to follow.
This is what is expected of me I kept thinking to myself.
I just let go mentally, and lay there.
Sondra was tapping my shoulder. I stirred.
“Taking a nap?” Sondra grinned at me. Woah! I didn’t even hear the timer go off!
Sondra leaned the chair back further so that my hair was hanging back over her sink. She began to unwrap the foil and started rinsing my hair out of that not-so-nice smelling liquid.
I felt some more tugging at my hair and glance back in the mirror. She was putting some rollers in my hair and spraying a solution over the hair as she rolled it. I think I had heard her say something about permanent, but I wasn’t paying much attention.
She soon finished rolling my hair and led me to a line of hair driers. These are not the portable ones you dry your hair with, like the type Mom uses. These are huge bowl shaped ones on some kind of metal arm that lowers over your head!
Sondra seated me next to the other girls going through the same treatment as me.
I was half-expecting them to turn and look towards me and scream ‘It’s a Boy! What on earth are you doing in here with us? And why are you trying to be a Princess?” Well, realistically, I had been going to school now for almost a week dressed as girl, and no one cared. Everyone assumed that I was a girl already. But I sure felt those girls might do it! I was that scared!
I glanced over at them and noticed that they were all reading magazines. So I did as the natives do - I leaned over and grabbed one on teen girl fashion and began to read.
Boy this hot air is making me sweat!
Two magazines later, Sondra came back over and shut my dryer off.
“Ok Miss Collins, let’s head back over to my station and I’ll finish up your hair.”
I leaned back and felt Sondra removing the roller one at a time. Then I felt a brush start stroking what I felt were the tight inward curls of my hair at the ends. I saw her go around me, looking me over and combing and brushing certain parts of my hair until she was finally pleased.
“Here,” she was saying as she adjusted a lever below the seat, “Lets spin you around so that you can see my masterpiece!”
Oh God, I’m too scared to look! I closed my eyes tight!
Sondra then spun the chair around. I heard silence for a few moments.
“Oh Lynn! There is nothing to be afraid of honey! Look. I promise you. Open your eyes! You’re absolutely beautiful!”
I slowly opened my eyes. I was totally unprepared for what I saw!
I saw a gorgeous feminine creature staring back at me in the mirror! My mouth opened wide but no words came out. That girl in the mirror was a girl men would fight over to have! She oozed sensuality! She was every boy’s dream!
And that girl was me!
It was then that I noticed my hair - how beautifully styled it was! The bangs I was so concerned about flowed softly across my forehead and curled under just above my eyes. The rest of my hair fell in a loose inward curl angled down below my shoulders in the back. I could see that she had actually cut the innermost layers of my hair shorter inside and they were progressively longer as it was layered to the outside — making the cut on a downward angle at a diagonal from the inside to the outside of my hair as it curled on around and over my shoulders. I reached up to touch it and found it was flexible and stayed relatively in shape as I moved it some and let go. It bounced! This is a good thing!
“Thank you so much Sondra! I’m... speechless! This is just wonderful! I love it!” I gushed.
Sondra beamed a warm smile, pleased that I actually loved what she had done.
“I’m very glad you like it Lynn. It’s you! I’ll go get Rachael and she will be doing your eyebrows.”
My eyebrows? Didn't Mindy just do them a few days ago?
Sondra returned with another woman who seemed be slightly younger than herself. I would guess 18-19 years old?
“Lynn, this is Rachael. She’s the best makeup person we have. She’s going to make you even more beautiful,” Sondra said, and then walked away.
“Hi Lynn! It’s nice to meet you. My, you’re very pretty already!”
I blushed again. I just can’t help it anymore! It’s become an instinctual reaction to whenever someone mentions how nice I look. This was all still so new to me!
“Thank you very much.”
Rachael replied, “And such a polite girl too! Let me look over your brows first.”
I could see a mixture of expressions as she looked over my brows and ran her fingernail through them some. I didn’t like that last expression I saw on her face though.
“Ooh, who did your brows?” she asked.
“My friend Mindy,” I replied.
“She left them a little uneven, but don’t you worry. I can fix anything.”
Rachael took a pair of tweezers in her hand and proceeded to even my brows. I didn’t know they were so uneven. I thought Mindy had done a fine job, myself. I guess it shows there is still a lot to learn about making one’s self more beautiful.
I flinched with each hair that was pulled.
She finished and held up a hand mirror for me to see the artistry which she had performed.
“There you go, beautiful aren’t they?” she asked me proudly.
Oh My God! What has she done to me? My eyebrows were definitely even alright, each side match the other perfectly! There was just one little problem though… there were hardly any brows left! And what was left… screamed GIRL! I was beyond scared! I am so screwed when Mom sees this!
Rachael was waiting for my reaction to her hard work. I guess it would be in bad taste to tell her that what she had done was sign my death warrant.
“They’re beautiful Rachael,” I said. Inside my head, I was sobbing! I was screwed! So screwed! I really couldn’t even predict how mad Mom was going to be when she saw me tonight!
“I’m so glad you like my work! Before I start on your makeup, Let me take you over to Judy and let her do your nails.”
“My nails?”
“Yes. You’re having a total makeover, and that means hair, nails, and makeup - the whole works! We’ve just started!”
I let that inner sense of calmness take over and saturate my insides as we walked over to where Judy was. Rachael had me sit on a chair in front of her nail table. Various small bottles of colors and clear stuff were all around her and there were brushes, a scrubby pad, some nail files and a hobby pen drill with some metal bit in it.
“Hi sweetie, I’m Judy. Which Princess are you?” she asked.
“I’m from the freshman class,” I responded.
“Well, just between you and me, you are the prettiest girl that I have seen come in here for quite some time.”
Another blush rose on my face.
“Thank you.” I demurely responded.
“Is there any special color that you’d like for me to do for you?” she asked.
I glanced around her at the rows and rows of colorful nail polish bottles. I didn’t have a clue as to what color I wanted my nails painted. In fact, I had never painted them. Mindy had done mine a couple of times for me. But she had decided the color, not me. This would be my first.
“Umm… I really can’t decide” I admitted. “Would you mind very much if you were to pick out the color for me? Please?”
Judy gave me a look like she had just found a lost soul. After tonight, I probably was going to be one anyways, so it was fitting.
“Well, since you’re going to a special school dance, we should make sure your nails look very good. How about this? What color is your dress?” she asked me.
“Red.”
“What color of red? Burgundy, light red, red, or an orange red? There are lots of reds.”
Why did this have to be so complicated? I didn’t know what color of red my dress was until I remembered my panties and bra. They matched the dress! But I didn’t want to remove my smock and show everyone my body. Especially my breast forms!
“It’s the same red as my panties,” I said, blushing furiously.
“Ok sweety, let me see part of it.”
I pulled the side of my smock up and my shorts down far enough to expose the red band that hugged my hips. Judy held a similar color strip chart next to the band.
“Okay honey,you can cover yourself up again. I have the color,” she giggled. “Now let me see what I have to work with.”
She took my lithe delicate hands into hers and shook her head.
“What in the world did you do to your nails? You have none!”
“I have to keep them trimmed for water polo,” I replied. I did, but that was in the past! My nails, I kept them trimmed low with clippers and very evenly.
“Well, these won’t do hon. I’ll have to give you extensions. How long would you like them?”
Why is everyone asking me what I’d like? I can’t make decisions like this! Why did Mindy have to leave? She would know how long they should be. How in the world am I supposed to know this stuff?
“I’m not sure?” I answered truthfully.
“Okay. Do you want to go overboard with really long ones? Medium length ones? Or short ones longer than what you have now?
“Umm, Judy? Would you be able to show me the lengths somehow? I think that might help me to make a better decision?”
“Sure, here,” Judy giggled as she pulled out a tray of plastic nail extensions and She demonstrated each by taking the extension and sliding it slowly out along the top of my finger to show how much would be sticking out over the fingertip. I finally saw what I felt was appropriate, about a quarter of an inch long.
“A quarter of an inch would be very nice.”
Judy smiled and went right to work: first on the extensions she glued to each fingertip and snipping them down roughly to size. She then painted a gel filling in over top, then sanded, filed, and finally buffed. She gave my fingertips a very girlish oval type curve. Wow! I loved that a lot!
I never realized how much work nice nails were! She gave me the color and then a clear coat to protect the color. She must have given me five coats of paint! I’ll have to protect them with my life! Now I know why girls get so upset when they break a nail. I found my hands placed in some kind of UV light box. Judy said that would harden the nails. That’s a lot of work for just fingernails!
She then proceeded to shape and polish my toenails while my fingernails were stuck in this light box thingy. I soon was able to wiggle my toes and peer down to see them. I saw perfectly oval shaped red nails on them as well!
“Do you approve Lynn?” she asked me after she had opened the light box so I could remove my hands. I wiggled my fingers and was still trying to get used to the new feel of longer nails. I couldn’t take my eyes off of them! They looked really great!
“Yes ma’am. Very much! It’s the best I have ever had done!” Well, that was the truth also! This is the first time I had ever gotten nail extensions. Sure made my ability to grab things with my fingers very different!
Rachael had come back over beside me and asked, “Are you ready for your makeup now, Lynn?”
Does this stuff ever really end?
“Yes ma’am. I am”
“Come back over this way to my chair and I’ll finish you up!”
Rachael deliberately had the chair facing away from the wall mirror behind it so that I couldn’t see what was going on while she was applied the makeup.
Rachael went to work on my face.
Don’t ask me what she did because I didn’t have a clue! She tried to explain every move, but it was like trying to explain what the Golden Gate Bridge looks like in a foreign language. I knew something of what she was telling me, I just didn’t understand it all.
I heard Rachel snap a plastic makeup case closed and said, “You, my dear, are done! Now to unveil you to yourself!”
Rachel spun the barbershop-like chair around and I looked into the mirror.
“You like it?” she asked.
Did I like it? I loved it! If I thought I was beautiful before, I was a goddess now! I was totally gorgeous! Rachael was a true artist! I looked at my reflection in the mirror and saw the prettiest girl on earth!
Omigosh! This is who I was meant to be! Yes! YES!! YES!!! This… This was my true self!
My excitement grew.
I was now savoring and relishing in this knowledge to its fullest! If I was going to die, then this was worth it!
My excitement started to grow.
I, Lynn Collins, freshman Homecoming Princess of Central High, felt truly alive for the first time in my entire life! I owed Mindy so much - more than she knew what she had done for me!
I found myself!
“I see you like what we did for you,” Sondra stated.
“Oh my gosh! Yes ma’am! It’s… Sondra, I didn’t know this was possible!”
“Sweetheart, we had a lot to work with. All we did was highlight what you already had. You’re a beautiful woman, Lynn.”
I felt as though I was walking on a cloud! I looked at the clock and realized that I had been here for more than five hours!! I saw Mindy sitting in the reception area. She looked up as I approached her.
When she saw me she gasped.
I had hoped her face would have a look of happiness because of how I looked, but what her face showed was total sheer panic!
“Oh my God! Lynn!!! What have you done?” she gasped. The panic on her face came through in her voice.
“Don’t you like it?” I asked innocently. I really wanted Mindy to appreciate how beautiful I now looked and to share that emotion with me.
“What were you thinking? How do you think you’re going to hide your brows, and do you think a ponytail is going to change the look of your hairstyle? Bangs don’t just go away,” Mindy exasperated in a hushed tone of voice I didn’t like.
“But you left me! I-I-I d-didn’t know what else to do!” I whined.
“Oh Lynn… I’m so sorry! I forgot that you aren’t a girl, and don’t know anything about being a girl. I shouldn’t have left you by yourself! I didn’t know they would make you so gorgeous!”
Well, there went my feeling of beauty. Panic took over and threw her right out the window!
“What are we going to do now? Can we fix this at your house after the dance?” I begged, as panic showed in my voice.
“I don’t know sweety. I’ll think of something. I did go back to get your dress and heels. They are in Miss Benson's office.”
Mindy was lost in thought for a minute and then faced me.
“Lynn, look. This is your day. Be a Princess and enjoy it. This will never happen again! So whatever comes later, comes. Just shine as the beautiful Princess that you are tonight! Everything will be okay. Lynn… I love you to pieces!”
Mindy gently hugged me and I was now worried. If she was almost in tears about this, I..I-I .. I’m really deep in it! Maybe Mom would find a way to chase me after I had died and left my body?
Mindy looked back up into my eyes, seeing the fear showing on my face.
“I won’t let anything happen to you Lynn.”
I already realized that I had allowed things to happen to me that I shouldn’t have.
I felt very sick!
What was I going to say to my Mother? Try as I may, I won’t be able to hide my now new feminine look! Fudge it all! I hope Mindy will be able to salvage something of my life. She’s the only anchor I have!
Wait a minute! There was one other thing that might save me!
I walked back over to Sondra.
“Sondra, do you remember when I asked you to make sure if I could still have a ponytail if I wanted?”
“Of course dear! I didn’t forget,” she replied, with confidence overflowing in her voice.
Sondra faced me to the wall mirror, took my hair into her hands and held it up at the appropriate height for a girl’s ponytail, pulling it slightly. It looked great! Except it looked great on a girl! Not a boy! And I looked like an even younger girl with it pulled up into a ponytail like that! Mindy was right, bangs didn’t just go away! They emphasized more girl into one’s looks. I couldn’t go back to being a boy now!
“Well, what do you think?” Sondra asked proudly.
What could I say? Sondra, you screwed up? She had done a wonderful job with my hair.
“I love it Sondra,” I meekly answered.
I did love it! I truly did! I felt so mixed right now. I loved all this pampering and the new me I found. I had become the girl I was meant to be!
But what about Mom?
How am I going to explain this to her? And what about school? And Mom’s meeting with Miss Benson Monday?
How am I going to explain to my Mother that I’m a girl now?
I won the Homecoming Princess contest fair and square — well… maybe not. But what’s so wrong with a very beautiful boy winning the contest? Even one that acted more a girl than most of the real girls that he saw in school? I won, and I don’t think anyone else besides Miss Benson and Mindy even know that I am a boy.
But does that matter?
I wanted to cry!!!
I knew that if I did that all of the hard work Rachael had done for me would have been for naught!
I did the only thing I could do. I simply gave up! I pushed all of my worries and dark thoughts into the furthest corner of my brain!
Brenda Worthington opened the front door of the salon from outside. I could see a huge elongated black car parked there behind her! It was amazing!
“Girls! We have to return you to your school so you can put on your dresses and have your pictures taken. The limousine is waiting outside for you. Grab your things.” Brenda said.
I became Lynn, the smiling Princess!
To Be Continued...
Homecoming Princess (Revised) - Part 7
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 Homecoming Princess (Revised) - Part 7
By Arecee Edited by Holly Hart & Sephrena Miller
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“Mindy. Look. You’re not making any sense to me. I’m not damaged. And what would be so wrong if I really was a girl?” I asked.
“You were born a boy, that’s what’s wrong!”
I had to respond to that!
Pictures purchased and licensed royalty-free from www.istockphoto.com .
We gathered our belongings and followed each other out to the limousine. I was on a new high! I couldn’t stop from smiling - I was feeling so wonderful. This was going to be my night and I was going to live it to its fullest!
I quickly hugged Mindy.
“I’ll see you at the school Min! I feel so alive!”
Mindy, slowly widened her eyes, “Okay Lynn… Enjoy today. I-I’ll see you there.” She was looking at me strangely, almost as if I were a different person! Nonsense! I pushed that thought aside and absorbed the positive energy from the rest of girls of the Homecoming Court.
Melissa Townsend, the Queen of the Court, led the procession to enter that luxurious vehicle! She had been here before as a Princess, so as the winner of the senior class, she had experience and was twice a winner. The rest of us were new at this. The junior class girl, Tina Weeks, was a transfer from another school. She was also drop dead gorgeous! The sophomore, Carla Stanton, had just missed being princess the year before, but the girl that beat her had transferred to another school… and that left, just me. As my luck would have it (all of it bad) and my proclivity to prank had left me in this position: I was Princess of the freshman class.
I had managed to climb into the limousine and sit next to Tina in the rear. Feeling a little out of my environment, I decided to keep my mouth closed as much as possible, hold my knees together, and just be happy. Melissa, Carla, and Tina started chattering away.
The limo pulled away from the curb and our procession was rolling.
Mindy was being driven by Brenda to follow behind us from what I had seen because this car was for the homecoming court and no one else. A part of me felt guilty for her not being here, but I understood the rules and tradition.
“Did you see the bulge in Kevin Garble’s football uniform last week?” Melissa asked. Omigod! I’m looking away and trying not to hear this!
“Mmm, how could you miss it?” Tina cattily affirmed.
“What?” Carla Stanton questioned. Carla was the Princess from the sophomore class. Being new, she didn’t know what a hunk Kevin was. He plays on our school’s football team. Yeah, He is rugged, strong, and, well, I guess, almost a man. I didn’t have an opinion on him really as I just barely knew him. This is a conversation I thought it best to stay out of. I mean, Rex was my only sexual experience and all that happened was that we kissed. Ok. So we did a little bit more than kiss in that theater. But still, I’m not quite ready for that sort of talk yet, you know?
“What do you think Lynn?” Melissa asked me. Startled, I came back to reality as I looked over at her. “Wouldn’t you love to wrap your hand around that massive meat?”
My face exploded in redness as I lowered my eyes to the floor, totally embarrassed!!!! I mean, how could she ask such a question??? And more importantly, how could I answer it??
Tina, watching my reaction, warned, “Leave her alone Melissa. You know she’s just a kid.”
“But how could you miss it?” Melissa asked.
“God Melissa! Not every girl wants to jump a hot guy they see,” Tina retorted.
“Tina! You are making me sound like a slut! I’m just saying… I wouldn’t kick Kevin out of bed for not being a neat freak.”
“I see your point.”
The girls had a giggling fit after that. I sort of joined with them in the laughing, trying not to appear too out of place. But, that is just not an area of talk I wanted to go in.
“What about you Lynn, do you have a boyfriend?” Melissa asked.
Does this ever stop? This girl keeps targeting me to find out more about me. Ok, I’ll answer as truthful as possible. But I will not offer extra information.
“Kind of,” I replied.
“Really, what’s his name?”
“Rex.”
“Is he hung?” Melissa asked and started the other girls breaking out in a giggle fit again.
“Uh, I… don’t know?”
“Ooo, you’re a virgin, aren’t you?” Melissa teased me.
I felt my face go red again. What’s wrong with being a virgin? It’s not like I have had the time or opportunity to date boys. And besides, I still have the issue of being myself and I’m only fourteen too. I met up with Rex during a shopping trip with Mindy. Ok, I spent one evening with him in a theater kissing and holding - but that’s all I had done.
“Ok, leave her alone Melissa. I’m a virgin too. There’s nothing wrong with that. Maybe there is something wrong with not being one?” Tina spat.
Wow! Tina had just put Melissa in her place! Girls can be just as cruel and vindictive as boys can at teasing and fighting! Now, I just looked over to Melissa and wondered how she would handle Tina’s response.
“Tina, you know I’m just kidding! Everybody knows how I feel for Kevin. I want to impale myself on him soooooooooo baaaaad!” Melissa laughed.
Ummm Yeah! Let’s just not think of that gross stuff?
The conversation seemed to lighten up a bit after that. Melissa did not respond to it in the way that I had expected. Boys would normally stand their ground and challenge for something said like that. But this was different. Melissa deflected it with ease. It seems there is a lot to being a girl with the way in which they… no, we... talk. It’s a social skill I sadly lack in and one that I will need to pick up on soon!
We talked more about school and having boyfriends, but none of that smut Melissa had spawned.
By the time we arrived at school, I had sort of bonded with them and was seen just as I was portraying. And I’m not actually portraying anymore either. I am a girl. Lynn the prankster was gone! I could be me and be accepted without acting like a fool. For me, being a girl, not only felt right, but it had a different set of rules I had to be under for social acceptance which I found to be easier because I was accepted for being a girl without having to prove I was someone, like back when I was trying to be a boy.
Trying to be. I didn’t succeed.
Even if that was not the case, I am thoroughly happy with what I am now and living it.
We exited the car giggling from our — conversation. I think I was giggling more than the others!
Girl talk — whew! It’s really different! And I mean it’s different from how I talk with Mindy too! It’s like a give and take session and we take turns. It’s more emotional (which pulled me in like a bee to honey) and more enthralling to me than how boys talked. I felt useful as a person participating with them in this sort of talk and it made me feel special as we had bonded during the ride.
It’s a closeness that boys don’t understand. Yes, I can see and feel the difference too.
I remember cutting up with my friends, and pulling off some pretty cruel pranks. But, as boys, when the pranks were over, we pretty much went our own way. We would talk about how much fun they had been, but there just wasn’t this closeness that girls felt towards one another. I know that both girls and boys have a different way of talking and behaving and yet, both sexes do some things similarly. Both brag, both fight, both tease, and both act up. Yet the way girls go about things is really different from boys. It’s much less antagonistic and less bullying. It’s much softer, more caring and more emotional. It’s a way of being! And… It’s ME! This girl talk, which I had pretty much been excluded from my entire life, was something very fulfilling towards my needs! I enjoy this way of talking, very much!
Even though the talk initially about boys and sex was pretty crude, it quickly turned to the subject of each of our needs and what we wanted from someone as a partner. Sure, I want a lover… eventually, when I’m older. But I want a lover who is sensitive to my needs and wants my heart, not my… body. It’s a similar theme that each of them let out in the chat we had during the ride.
It’s been almost two weeks since I started on this road trip into femininity, something I once thought of as alien, yet now, I totally embrace. I can’t believe how much I’ve changed, but I love what I have become!
I still have a whole lot more to learn too.
Miss Benson was waiting when we arrived.
“Girls, you’ll have to hurry. The photo session starts in twenty-five minutes,” she barked.
The girls went down the hallway towards the teacher’s lounge to change.
Miss Benson looked at me. She had one of those ‘I can’t believe what I’m seeing’ type of looks. Her eyes were as wide as dinner plates! She fumbled open the door to the school office, motioning for both Mindy and myself to come in. I would have thought she would have said something to me, but didn’t. I guess some things are best left unsaid?
“Mindy!” I panicked. “Miss Benson didn’t say anything at all about my appearance!”
“I know. I think she was shocked at how beautiful you are Lynn. Wait until she sees you in that dress! I hope she doesn’t faint!’ Mindy laughed.
Mindy and I went behind the office counter and entered Miss Benson’s office. Mindy closed the door. It was then she had a look of being forlorn on her face.
“Lynn you need to remove everything you have on, except for your panties. Use these hangers to hang them up on. I’ll help you dress when you’re ready.”
I watched Mindy’s face. It was still there. What is wrong?
I removed my clothing and my bra. My forms were glued firmly to my chest, so I didn’t have to be afraid of them falling off. I did wish I could have kept the bra on though, as their weight was rather uncomfortable.
Mindy approached with the matching red strapless bra.
“Lynn, here, turn around. I’ll help you with this.”
She attached the hooks on the back and pulled it up enough to give me a small amount of support.
Next, I put on the sheer panty hose and a red half-slip. Mindy then opened the garment bag and slowly removed my dress. It looked so fragile. I wondered if I would be doing it justice by putting it on?
Mindy lowered it over my head and let it fall seductively down my body. I had never felt anything as erotic as that fabric caressing my skin as it fell into place! The dress was an off the shoulder satin fabric. It had long sleeves that that were covered with lace up to the neckline of the dress. The hem stopped two inches above my knees. As she pulled the zipper up, I had to suck in my stomach in for her to zip it closed! Beauty has a price! It was called being slightly uncomfortable.
Mindy placed my heels on my feet and buckled the ankle straps for me and then finished by lightly brushing my hair back into place. Mindy stood and looked at her creation.
“Lynn!! J-jjust look!” she said, and pointed me at the full length mirror hanging on the bathroom door.
That girl could not be ME! I was frozen looking at myself. Words fail to describe how I looked. I was so much more beautiful than when I had left the salon. I would never have dreamed that I could look — like this! I was afraid to move, for fear that the image would disappear.
“Well, girlfriend, did we do good?” Mindy asked. She still had a look of sadness about her.
“I can’t believe this is me!” I answered, enraptured and spellbound by my own reflection.
Then Mindy said, “Lynn. Do you really like it?”
“Mindy, how could I not? I love it! It’s ME!”
I could see a look of disappointment on Mindy’s face. “Do you really?” she asked again.
“Yes!” I brightened my smile. “I have finally become the girl which was voted Princess for our class. And I owe it all — to you!” I was radiating just how much of a girl I was when I had answered her. My happiness was showing through my smile, my movements, and the way that I was looking at myself in the mirror. I was turning this way and that to catch a different glimpse of myself, posing.
Tears started to trickle down from her eyes.
What the fudge did I say that was so wrong?
“Mindy, what’s wrong?” I asked as I stopped posing and looked at her.
“It’s nothing,” she answered.
I walked over to her and held her hands. “You know that not’s true Mindy. There is something wrong. Please tell me?”
“I know now that we shouldn’t have done this thing. We should have given in and admitted to this prank , stopping it before it had gotten this far. The way you just expressed yourself when you answered my question just told me. This was supposed to be a prank, and it’s turned into something altogether different. I ruined you!” Mindy sniffled, as her eyes filled with tears.
Huh?
“How did you ruin me?”
“You don’t understand, do you? You were a sweet little boy when all of this began. Now you look, feel, and I can see, are a girl now. I don’t know when it happened, but it did! You’ll never be the sweet boy I adored - ever again. And it’s my fault!” Mindy cried.
“Mindy, this is just a costume!” I replied in my most feminine voice. I was keen on not wanting to upset Mindy over this right now. Yes, I was a girl. Yes, she was right. But I wanted to a better place and time to break this to her. Not here. Not now.
Mindy took her finger and traced it along my cheek and chin. “Lynn, you have changed. Maybe you don’t see it, but I do and I feel responsible for it. You’re so natural at being a girl that you don’t even know the changes taking place about you. Everything you do screams girl now, even when you’re dressed as a boy. At school the kids thought you were weird for dressing like a boy. And everyone else seems to have always thought you were a girl. That shocked me too after your first day going to school as a girl. I had many kids approach me and ask me why you wear those clothes. She’s so pretty, what a waste, they said. Even then, it made you precious to me as a friend being a boy and being that way.”
“Lynn, you just aren’t the same person anymore. I’m so sorry… I damaged you,” Mindy sniffed.
“Mindy. Look. You’re not making any sense to me. I’m not damaged. And what would be so wrong if I really was a girl?” I pointed out.
“You were born a boy, that’s what’s wrong!”
I had to respond to that!
“Mindy, I wasn’t happy then either huh? But now I am. Mindy, I am a girl. I always have been. It’s just that I haven’t always been like this — out in the open. I was caged up inside. I was pretty much acting the entire time, trying to be a boy to please everyone else’s expectations of me. Everyone else chalked it up to my being weird or something. I had no idea that everyone, here at school, thought I had always been a girl! But guess what? I love being a girl and I would have never known it if you hadn’t helped me.”
“I know,” she sadly acknowledged and started to cry again.
I had to do something right now to stop this or Mindy would have me crying too! If I ruined my makeup, that would be disastrous!
“Mindy, please. Don’t cry. I could have ended this thing just as easily as you, but I was curious. I wanted to see what the other side saw, and I did. What happened has nothing to do with you. All I did was find myself. I would have eventually… and I’m sure it’s better now than later.”
Mindy squeezed my hand as I dabbed at her tears with some tissue.
I reassured Mindy, “I am always your friend Mindy. You did nothing wrong to me. Let’s go and join the others, okay?”
Mindy nodded. We gathered my things and carried them out of the office.
Mindy and I went to join the other girls for the photo shoot. Miss Benson couldn’t keep from staring at me. All during my photo session alone, She kept opening her mouth as if to say something , but didn’t. Carla and Tina Oooo’d! and AAhhh’d! me and even Melissa seemed impressed at the poses I was making and how I held myself to the camera. This stuff seemed really easy to do and the photographer didn’t have to instruct me much for the shots he wanted to take. I seemed a natural. And this was really great!
Carla’s turn for pose shots alone was next and I walked over to Miss Benson and Mindy feeling good about myself. Miss Benson was still giving me that odd look! What was wrong?
“Is there something wrong Miss Benson?” I asked, as I moved closer to her.
Miss Benson motioned for me to follow her around the corner. Mindy, curious as to what was happening, followed as well.
The sound of the camera’s clicking and the photographer’s instructions died down some as we got to a quiet spot.
“Child,” she whispered, “Is this some kind of prank you are both are pulling on me? Lynn, answer me truthfully. Are you really a boy?"
“I really don’t think I am anymore Ma’am. I mean physically, I am still a boy down below, but inside, I am a girl. This is who I’ve become and I am finally me! And I want to thank you for having given me the opportunity to be in this contest and Mindy for showing me who I really am,” I stated.
Miss Benson turned green when I said that. I knew why too. She had thought that she was teaching Mindy and I a lesson about jokes and their consequences. She was going to have a real laugh at my expense, but she didn’t know that I would become as beautiful as I had. I think the thing that scared her the most was that she could see that I wasn’t a boy masquerading as a girl anymore, but a girl who had finally become herself, and be a Princess. If any word of this were to get out, other adults might think she coerced or forced me into this and she might go to jail. I vowed that when the time came, if anyone accused her, I would stand up and admit that all of this was my own doing. After all, it was!
“Lynn,” Miss Benson timidly said, with a hint of sadness, “We’ll straighten everything out after all of this is over. You’re the prettiest Princess I have ever had grace my presence, so enjoy the rest of your day.”
“Thank you Miss Benson,” I smiled. “I will.”
I rejoined the girls for the group shots with just the queen and her court. Next, the guys had their pictures taken. That took a little longer than it should have because one of them was always putting two fingers up behind someone’s head. Miss Benson finally stepped in and told them that if they didn’t stop, there would be no boys in the pictures. I was relieved! I wanted this photo session to go well! I admit I was somewhat greedy in that aspect because I had a lot of myself invested in this moment and this day!
The entire Homecoming Court was next and then each class couple was photographed together. Lastly, some special non-published shots, specifically for the individual and their family and friends to have, were taken. The boys had a few taken, but the girls spent several minutes posing. I was the last and it took a long time for me to finish. Everyone else in the court was astonished at how long and how much attention the photographer paid towards me. I was becoming embarrassed! The other girls were waiting patiently for the man to finish, but I could feel a twinge of jealousy in their stares towards me. I caught it in their eyes as I changed poses.
“Just one more Lynn, you’re a natural!” he beamed. *click!* “There, all done!”
He walked over and helped me up off the floor from a reclining pose.
“Here’s my card. I really want you to call me, or have your parents do it for you. There’s a lot of money to be made for you dear girl, and I’d hate to see you miss out on it.”
What was he talking about? Money, me? Just for being a girl? Ummm, yeah. I’ll have to get back to you on that one later. There was going to be a line of people wanting me dead first starting tonight. Yeah, so ummm, I don’t think like that’s going to happen!
“Come on Lynn, the parade’s about to start,” Melissa agitatedly said. I could tell she was nervous because we were cutting it a little too close for time.
Miss Benson escorted us outside where we were greeted by four convertible cars. They were all old, and they were like from the sixties! They were beautiful!
I went into the first car with my escort, Bill Jones. Our car was an Olds 88 and was painted red and white.
Sophomore Princess Carla Stanton and her Prince Joey Feingold occupied the second car, a GTO that was all red.
The third car, a Dodge, held the juniors, Tina Weeks and Sean Murphy.
The last car, a Cadillac held Queen Melissa and her King Jason Carlson.
We all sat on top of the rear seat of the car we were assigned and waved to the audience as we traveled around the football field. Our side of the stadium cheered as we past, and of course the other side made jeers at the girls and commented on what they would like to do to us. Some of the remarks were downright filthy and anger seethed within me at them. Some made me blush. But I felt only felt better when Bill put his arm around my waist and held me against his side. Having a nice guy protecting me felt wonderful!
We arrived back at the gym and went inside to wait for the end of the game. We girls felt it best not to join the rest of the students in the bleachers because we might ruin our dresses. The guys gathered to one side and we girls sat in some chairs lining the wall. We talked about our escorts and who had the hottest one: Melissa did.
The game ended and we went to get ready for the dance. The dance was to be held in the gym so we waited in the girl’s locker room before we made our entrance. It took almost an hour before the gym filled with students and we were pretty much at the end of our rope, as far as patience was concerned.
Miss Benson finally came to line us up for the entrance to the dance. I was the first to enter because I’m the youngest and then the others would follow. My escort would join me from the door to the boy’s locker room. The music started and I walked out the door and saw Bill walking towards me. He’s very handsome and I couldn’t help smiling at him. A lot of the students cheered and yelled when they saw me come out. Boy was it loud! We met and joined arms. We walked towards the center of the room to be announced.
The cacophony of everyone cheering me and compliments being yelled out just kept on going! Stephanie Emming, the Student Body President, tapped the microphone a couple of times and then loudly stated, “Please everyone! Calm down. Calm down.” A couple of minutes later, it did. A few boys were still whistling at me!
“Ladies and gentlemen I’d like to introduce Princess Lynn Collins and Prince Bill Jones of this year’s freshman class,” she continued. The cheers roared again.
I have never felt more proud of myself at any point in my life than I did at that moment! I was a beautiful girl and I was presented for the entire world to see! My eyes begin to water. Oh please! Not now! I thought. Bill glanced over at me, and seeing that I was about to cry and getting incredibly shy pulled me tightly against his side where I rested my head against him. The cheering seemed to keep going. I managed to regain enough composure to walk with Bill over to our position.
The other three couples were introduced and then the dance started.
This whole affair had been magical to this point and the dance made it that much more special! The dance was almost like a fairy tale wedding! The King and Queen started dancing first and then the other couples followed suit. I was so overwhelmed, I practically melted into Bill’s arms as we danced the first dance. When the music ended I felt Bill pull away.
That woke me up.
“I have to find Ashley,” Bill said. “You were wonderful Lynn,” he continued as he backed away and began to look around for her.
I was crushed! Now I was all alone!
I was so infatuated with Bill that I forgot that he had a girlfriend already.
I didn’t remain that way for long. As soon as Bill left, some boy, I didn’t know, asked me to dance with him. And so it went for the remainder of the evening. Boys were lining up for the privilege to dance with me!
I remembered what it was like before I became a girl trying to impress girls that I liked to be my friend. And what a fool I made of myself! I had zero luck! Now… it was boys doing the same towards me! I felt empowered to have this kind of reaction from boys! I was flattered and felt wonderful both at the same time! I was desired! I was wanted! And a lot of them wanted me to be their girlfriend too! It overwhelmed my senses entirely! I went from grunge to a Princess in a little over two weeks and now boys begged to be with me! If they only knew the truth about me… they’d kill me!
I wasn’t going to let that thought ruin my night!
So I smiled and flirted with every guy that asked me to dance with them.
The dance was more than half over when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I had danced every dance so the tap wasn’t new. But this time, the boy was. I looked up into Jason Carlson’s eyes and felt a tenseness grip my body. Oh my God! He wants to dance with me! - a lowly freshman. I wanted to faint.
Jason’s strong grip around my waist and holding my dainty hand inside his rugged paw made me swoon. This just felt so right! This was absolutely what I was supposed to be! A girl! I felt privileged myself just being able to dance with him! I mean he barely even knew me, but I had seen him around school some. He was very handsome and his body was very fit!
Luckily that dance was fast so I was able to gather my wits about me before I made a fool of myself in front of him! We smiled and giggled at each other’s dance moves. It was all in good fun. Jason started to disrupt the line of boys still wanting to dance with me by telling them that I was his for the rest of the night. Oh Snap! That was a little up front in assuming that’s what I wanted! Oh shut up body! I know what you think! The next dance was slow and Jason pulled me up against him during it.
Jason is a very tall boy, and even with my heels on, I only managed to come to his shoulders. I lay my head upon his chest as I fell victim to the music, the moment, and him. I felt every romantic beat of the music as I imagined it to be his heart, beating for me, as we moved slowly around the floor. There was no way I would ever want be a boy again! Never! This magic of being a girl and being this way and feeling these feelings was everything I was about! I felt like I was his lover and, some part of me, never wanted this moment to end.
The music stopped and Jason and I hadn’t said a word. He lifted my face up gently from his chest and looked at my face. He saw slow trickles of tears coursing their way over my cheeks. Being the man he was, he took a handkerchief from his tuxedo jacket and dabbed at my eyes and wiped the bits of makeup that were ruined from them.
“What’s the matter Lynn?”
“Nothing… Jason. I’m just so happy right now.” I smiled a heartwarming smile back to him. We didn’t need to say anything more. The look in our eyes said everything that needed to be said to each other.
“Okay dear. Let’s rest,” he said taking my hand and leading me from the dance floor. We found some seats at the end of a table and Jason supported me as I lowered myself into the chair.
“I’ll get us some punch and a few snacks,” he beamed as he went off in search of them. My heart was still pounding in my chest.
Why was Jason having such an effect on me?
“Here you go, Lynn,” Jason said when he returned. He set down a small snack plate of veggies with dip some crackers and cheese spread. Then he set the two plastic cups of punch before us.
“Thank you,” I blushed. I didn’t know what else to say to this God of a man. I hope that I am satisfying him! I mean… impressed with me.
“Why haven’t I seen you around school here before?” he asked, all the while staring into my eyes, with those beautiful blue hunky orbs of his!
“I don’t know,” I nervously replied. ‘I was here all along Jason’ I thought to myself. ‘You would not have looked at me this way before either. You wouldn’t like the body beneath this dress.’ I quickly shoved that reality from my mind!
I guess Jason noticed how much a fool I was being in how I shied away at times from his stare to how I answered some of his questions.
“Geez Lynn! Relax. I’m just like any other guy you’ve been with. I know I’m a senior and you’re a freshman, but I can’t believe I could have missed seeing someone as beautiful as you here at school.”
“I’m ummmm, well, really kind of shy. I don’t have a lot of friends.” I answered, truthfully.
“I find that difficult to believe Lynn. Look, most of the boys here are still eying you, waiting for me to leave you all alone. How could you not have friends?”
I had some friends yeah. I made them all while attending school as a girl. But boys? Not really. I kept stoically fending them off of me. I’m just not ready for a boy friend to want more and my life is complicated enough as it is right now.
“Jason, before last week, I was really very shy. I sort of kept to myself and I did not have many friends. I was not ready for attention like this and it still scares me!”
Jason sort of chuckled. “There’s no reason for you to be shy. You’re the prettiest girl in the court if not the entire school!”
Omigod! Really? I blushed again.
“I’ve never thought of myself as being pretty. I want people to like me for who I am.”
“That’s just about the stupidest thing I have ever heard Lynn,” Jason snorted with a grin. “How could you think that you are not pretty looking the way that you do? You are beautiful in both personality and looks. You have an innocence and sweetness about you. You are special! I feel it emanating out from you. I can sense that you are a wonderful and exciting girl. You make me feel very proud just for allowing me to be here with you right now. Lynn, I knew from the first moment that I saw you that you were very special girl!”
I was blushing, big time! I just set down the carrot I had started to munch on with dip.
Jason had no idea how much he was affecting me, but his words put it over the top. I was starting to fall in love with this boy!
“I don’t know…,” I lightly whined in shyness. “The way that I was raised was to not draw attention to myself. I didn’t even enter this contest - my girl friend entered me into it on her own. I was like, so embarrassed, when I found out I had been entered and actually won.”
Jason smiled. “Well the school made the right decision in voting for you girl. You are doing something to me right now. Affecting me. God, you’re so gorgeous! Come on, let’s dance before I make a bigger fool of myself.” Jason embarrassingly said, blushing as badly as I was.
We left our food on the table as we danced the rest of the dances together. All of my admirers had stopped asking to dance with me because Jason had told a few of them off rather bluntly. This was the time of my life!
After another short break, the last dance was announced and all of the couples scrambled to take the person they wanted to be with. Jason held tightly onto my hand.
“Will you dance with me?” he asked.
What?
We have been doing that all night you crazy boy! What kind of stupid question was that? Of course I’d crawl through Hell itself to dance with you!
“I’d love to,” I responded. This almost felt like a something out of a wedding!
The music started and it was some love ballad from the seventies. It was so perfect! Jason and I danced closer and closer until I had both hands around his neck. I couldn’t hold him tight enough! I was so lost in the music that I swayed softly together in rhythm with him.
My eyes were closed and I was sort of daydreaming, imagining our children running to us, Jason and I, on the other side of the white picket fence. Mmmmmmm! I felt his arousal against my hip. He wanted me badly! Truth be told, I wanted him real bad too! My husband…
My eyes flew open! Fudge! What the heck am I thinking? I’m only fourteen! I’m still way too young to have a baby!
A baby…
That’s when I almost had a nervous breakdown. I shivered and was frightened. I’m not a real girl, and I doubted I ever would be. I wanted to have a baby! Jason’s baby, and soooo so bad! I kept wishing with all my might that God would have mercy on my poor soul and grant me my wish to be a real girl - where it counted! To feel it all and be one!
What was I supposed to do now?
Mindy had tricked me into this. And Miss Benson had sort of made made me follow through this with all of the options clearly laid out upon the table for me. I mean, How could I refuse her and let down the school? Even worse, I was falling in love with this older man, who didn’t even know that I was a boy! I wanted to cry.
Jason lowered his lips to mine and kissed me. It was soft and sensual and it did something to me that I never expected! It set off a warmth in my stomach that engulfed me and felt like a raging fire within! I wanted him!!!!! I wanted him now!! I looked up into his eyes through my tear filled vision. I saw the want as well within his eyes. He merely kissed me again and quelled further thinking as I lost myself between his lips.
When our lips parted, and I felt like a guppy out of water. My breath of life exhaled out. I was exhausted! But it felt soooo good! It was then that I noticed that the music was still playing. I closed my eyes again and drifted off into a love cocoon that Jason had so skillfully woven.
It was then I realized that the music had stopped. I slowly opened my eyes and felt the stares of the other students and faculty on me! We were the only couple left on the floor and we hadn’t stopped our dance!
“Jason,” I quickly whispered. “I think the music stopped.”
Jason, embarrassed glanced about, seeing that indeed, I was right. To make things worse he couldn’t pull himself from me. His thing between his legs had been bulging against me the entire dance, and even though I loved the feel of it, he couldn’t quite pull away from me without it showing! It made me feel wonderful that he wanted me so bad and embarrassed that others might see his lust for me too.
After a few more minutes of dancing, I could feel his bulge softening. “We should go,” he whispered into my ear has he gently chewed and bit on my right earlobe. OOooohhh God! That made me feel like I was his property! Wow!
I tried hard to regain my senses and realized what I needed to do.
“I have to find Mindy,” I sort of panicked. “She’s supposed to take me home.”
Oh gosh! Where has she been all night? I haven’t seen her!!!
“I wish it could be me instead of her, but I understand. Would it be okay if I could call you?” he asked.
I went flush. Why did he have this affect on me? He made me feel even more of a girl than Rex had back in the theater!
“Yes,” I answered quickly as I pulled out a pen from my purse and a slip of paper and jotted down my number.
“But my mom won’t let me date until I’m sixteen.”
I hoped that would settle everything that was going on between us. I mean, if it was up to me, I’d go out with Jason every minute of the day! But I knew I couldn’t, age not being the issue. I had responsibilities and things I needed to do. I was growing up myself and needed to be able to support myself one day.
“I’d like to call you anyways Lynn. I love you.”
Snap! I’d do anything for this guy… and then he had to spoil it with the L word. I love my mother, and no one else. I love Mindy too - but only as a friend. But now you just had to step over the line and say the word I was so afraid of. Love!
Why did you have to say that to me?
I wanted to die.
My heart went up to another level as he said that. How in the world am I supposed to respond to that? Gosh Jason, I’m really a guy, and look hot. Oh, and by the way, I love you too?
I never felt more shame in my entire life as I do now.
I didn’t even know Jason, but I knew that he was special too! I knew that I was really lucky to have a boy like Jason wanting me. I just can’t describe how I felt right now, at this moment - the silence was deafening me! I then felt streams of liquid running down my cheek.
Jason started dabbing at them with his handkerchief. I didn’t even see him get his handkerchief out, I was still so stunned and dazed!
And thank God Jason had enough of a brain to say something!
“I’m sorry Lynn. Perhaps I shouldn’t have said that. I know barely even know you, but my God, you’re someone very awesome to be with, you know?”
That I could respond to!
I leaned up and kissed him back on his lips. He paused dabbing my face and had his arms around my waist again as I sank back in the blessed waters of heaven within his embrace.
“You’re special to me too, Jason,” I swooned as we parted lips again.
I noticed that we hadn’t stopped holding hands either.
Miss Benson noticed us and came walking toward us. I thought she about to say something about our obvious show of affection.
“Lynn, do you have a ride home?” she asked.
“I’m riding with Mindy,” I responded.
“I was afraid of that,” she said, with concern in her voice. “Mindy was taken to the hospital.”
My stomach dropped! What the heck happened to her? Where was I going to change? The changing I could take care of, mom wasn’t going to be home for a couple of hours yet. But, Mindy! What happened?
“Oh no! Miss Benson, what happened to her?”
“I’m not at liberty to say, but she was taken by ambulance to the ER and her parents were notified and were going to be with her.”
I wanted to be with her right now in the hospital! I mean, She was my bestest friend in the entire world. I needed to be with her! But her parents… They might then find out about me and realize who I really was. I was not ready for that kind of quarrel, especially with Mindy in a hospital bed! Fudge! Fudge! Fudge!
“How am I going to get home?” I whimpered with my questioning eyes.
“Miss Benson, I’d be more than happy to take Lynn to her home,” Jason offered.
Miss Benson eyed Jason sharply and then back to me.
“If it wasn’t my responsibility to close the school, I’d be taking her home myself. Jason, I know you, and you’re a fine young man with outstanding grades. You haven’t been in any trouble the entire time you have been in this school. Lynn is it okay with you for Jason to take you home? Or would rather wait for me to lock up and have me take you?”
I hovered in thought for a moment. I love this man — a lot. I guess I could trust him.
“I’d like for him to take me home, that is, if it’s alright with you Miss Benson?”
She looked sternly at Jason.
“I’ll let you take Lynn home, but don’t you dare do anything to change my image of you. And Lynn, you behave yourself,” she admonished.
Did I mention that we had stopped holding hands during our conversation with Miss Benson? Our hands found each other again except that our fingers intertwined this time. We were all smiles.
Jason drove me home and I sat as close to him as possible. He sort of behaved except when his hand found its way to my knee. I thought I was going to die when he touched it! To make matters worse he started to caress it. I wanted to crawl all over him!
I had no idea what he was doing as I felt his hand move slowly higher on my thigh, his fingers gently caressing my inner thigh. My body was telling me that I was his! And I liked what he was doing! Luckily nothing else happened before we reached my house. He had only touched my thigh near my knees, but if he had gone any farther… I don’t know what would have happened!
Jason walked me to my door. He looked at me and pulled me to him again. Our lips touched and the magic flowed! I was in love with the King of the Homecoming! He should have been with Melissa, but instead, he had left her to drive me home! Our lips parted and I couldn’t help myself, I pushed away from him.
“I’m sorry, Lynn. I shouldn’t have rushed things,” he apologized.
Rushed things? God, I’m only fourteen and you want to get into my panties?
“I’m sorry too, Jason. I’m not ready yet for what it is we both want,” I said.
I felt kind of grown up in my response. I had told the boy I so wanted badly to be with that I was a girl with a mind of my own. He also knew I had morals and was sticking to them. I felt proud of myself, for being an adult.
“Well hey, I’ll catch you at school.” he grinned after one last peck on my cheek and then walked back to his car.
So much for being Miss older woman! *sigh* If only…
I entered my house and Jason watched until I had closed the door. He definitely had manners!
Now I had something else to take care of... ME! I wasn’t the person that had left the house this morning! And I didn’t have Mindy to help me to become Lynn the boy again. And gosh! I was so tired and sore from all of the dancing! As much as I hated too, I knew that my costume had to be removed. Costume? Those were the dying words of the boy within me. The girl that I was recanted that this was natural for who I was and what I am supposed to wear. That was so much stronger of a response than the initial boyish protest had been.
It was then, that I felt a cold chill and something left me.
I shivered.
I walked over to the sofa and lowered myself slowly into it properly like I had seen other girls do. I smoothed my dress out before I slowly sat and didn’t plop down into it like a boy. I was a regal girl. I sat for a moment and thought about my day. I did feel special. I cleared my head and tried to let Lynn the boy take back over. Try as I might, he wasn’t there!
Did something just happen to me?
Oh gosh! What do I do? Take off the heels first, and then the rest will be easy, I thought. I reached for the ankle buckle on my heels. Mindy had done this for me and now I had to do it for myself. I pulled at the strap and felt my fingers slip away from the buckle. Crap! These nails are in the way! And if I try too hard, I may break them! That would be disastrous!
Think Lynn! Think! There has to be a way to remove my heels without chipping my nails! Wait a minute, I thought, I’ll think of something! Girls do this all the time and don’t have a problem, so I’ll figure it out!
If I had thought properly about this at the time, ‘Who gives a fudge what happened to my nails? Just as long as they were gone by the time mom got home!’, I might still be a boy to this day. But that’s not where my head was. There was no way I was going to ruin my nails! I crossed my legs at my knees and tucked my foot behind my ankle.
I’ll think of something!
I thought about just going ahead and changing out of my clothes, but again, that wasn't where my head was. I was in Jason’s arms, kissing him and letting his hands start to crawl about me. I drifted off in Jason’s embrace. The more I thought about him, the softer my body felt. Sleep took over as he was holding me and covering me with kisses.
Susan Collins pushed her key into the dead lock on her door. The pins slid softly over the cuts on the key. The bolt snapped open with a click. Susan had had several drinks at the shower after the wedding reception she had attended and was slightly giddy as she entered her house. She closed the door softly, not wanting to wake her son whom she knew must be in bed by now.
She walked in towards the living room, trying to keep her heels from clicking on the hardwood floor.
It was then she saw a girl sleeping on her couch!
Her first thought when she saw the lovely young woman on the sofa, was that her baby had finally found a girl friend! She smiled. She looked at the girl as only a mother would. She wasn’t Mindy, thank God for that! Not that Susan didn’t like Mindy, but she was too much like her son. No, this girl was definitely different. She was beautiful and showed such class! She almost appeared to be like a model!
Her hair was perfect for her face, and she didn’t sit with her legs apart, even though she was asleep! She was definitely a special person!
Susan wondered where her son was?
She was going to call out, but thought better of it. Why not talk to Lynn’s girlfriend before he has a chance to skew her answers? she grinned in her thoughts. Susan walked over to the girl and touched her shoulder just enough to wake her.
Jason was gently kiss/nibbling my neck, as I was leaning all the way back, offering it to him, when I felt my shoulder being shaken. What? What’s going on?
I slowly opened my eyes and saw someone I didn’t want to see! Fear started to grab a hold of me!
“Mommy?” I hazily asked, as I awoke to the horror of the situation I was now in.
Then it hit me - the perversion of who and what I was and my feelings, the hiding and sneaking around, all the tension of the last two weeks, everything that was wrong with what I had done. My eyes filled with tears as I shook. There was nothing I could do to stop them! I felt fear as I knew she was absolutely going to hate me now. I couldn’t feel shame for loving being a girl, because that’s what I had become. I was ashamed I had let my mother down and now she was going to hate me forever! My life was over!
The tears flowed.
My mother just dropped her handbag. The thud of it hitting the floor echoed about the room.
“Mommy!!!"
Homecoming Princess (Revised) - Princess Found - Part 8
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Princess Found Part 8 By Arecee Edited and proofed by Sephrena Lynn Miller |
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“I’m sure Miss Benson put no pressure on you to cover her butt either to keep up this charade?” Mom spat.
“Really Mom!” I pleaded. “I chose this.”
“Lynn, I’m so angry right now, please, don’t say another word! You and Mindy could have ended this before things went beyond crazy. All you had to do was tell the truth, and Miss Benson should have accepted that she was part of a cruel hoax. That should have been the end of it.”
“Please don’t be angry, Mom! I really don’t mind being a girl."
Pictures purchased and licensed royalty-free from www.istockphoto.com .
I really don’t quite know how to start this next chapter of my life? What had been a magical journey had now turned into the worst nightmare a girl could ever experience: being accused of murder! How in the world could this could have ever happened?
*shaking my head*
I guess that it began from the first time that I put lipstick on my lips. My fate was sealed from that very moment. I guess you are wondering how something so innocent could lead to such a personal destruction? I’m still wondering that myself. So, I’ll continue where my Mother, much to her shock, found me, her son, dressed as a Homecoming Princess.
I had stupidly fallen asleep after I had been brought home by my date - no, he wasn’t really my date - but the King, and he happened to have a driver’s license and a car. Wait a minute! Now that sounded really stupid! Omigosh! He wasn’t a real King, but the Homecoming King, and never mind that I kissed him goodnight, or that I even had unwisely started to fall in love with him. None of that is important now. But I had feelings and Jason definitely knew how to evoke them out of me. If it weren’t for his warm, gentle, all consuming kisses (Mmmmm!) my mother would never have found me dressed the way that I was, and I might still be a miserable boy here trying to relate to you a different life that I had led.
Well... I did fall asleep. And yes! I got caught!
I remember that night vividly, like it was yesterday.
I was frozen like a deer in a car’s headlight! My Mother’s eyes! Fudge! Fudge! Fudge! She was more than upset! This wasn’t the way things were supposed to be! I was still her son as far as she was concerned and I was dressed to the nines in a dress that Mindy and me had bought for the pageant and made-up like a girl twice my age. My stomach was sick and queasy while tears streamed down my face. I shaking like a leaf!
“M-mm-mommy…” I let quietly escape from my ‘oh so sexy, red lips.’ I was beyond scared! I started to push back against the armrest of the couch trying to scoot up it. Thoughts of how I could run and get away were now crossing my mind.
I was still being met by the icily cold stare of my Mother’s eyes.
The look of disgust on her face was telling me all that I needed to know about what she thought of me! I think that I was hurting more than I would have if she would have just said something to me, anything! no matter how bad it might have been! At least then I would know my fate!
Still… silence.
I couldn’t hold it back anymore! I started hiccupping and sobbing. I covered my face in shame and curled up, dissolving into a quivering mass of tears.
Much to my surprise, I felt my Mother sit down next to me on the sofa and put her arms around me. She pulled me in tight to her breast and let me cry it all out.
“Shh, baby, it’s all right. Don’t cry anymore,” my mom comforted me. “It’s ok hon. I’m not mad at you.”
I don’t know how she did it, but my Mother’s hug and reassurance had a calming effect on me. A few minutes later, she gently pulled down one of my hands that I had pushed up against my eyes, covering them, away, and she looked down at me into my teary-eyed vision.
I was still letting water come out as I looked up at her from lying against her chest up into her smile.“I-Im so-so… asha-am-med! I-I let yy-you d-down.”
Mom pulled back from me and finally looked me over. You know the look - the “what in the hell have you done to yourself?” look. When she first saw me she had to wake me up from a very deep sleep and then, well… you all you know what broke loose. My Mother only had a glimpse of me before I collapsed upon her shoulder. Now she just staring at me with a sense of wonderment. A small smile pursed her lips before she took a a couple of Kleenex tissues and started to wipe my face.
“Your makeup’s run sweetheart,” she said, as she was gently wiping under my eyes.
How much worse could things get? It was bad enough that I was actually caught by my mother, but now, my makeup was ruined! I’m sure I looked like a raccoon by now! I think that’s what that animal with the black patched eyes is called. I felt my chin quivering and my eyes tried to fill with tears once more.
“Don’t cry sweetheart, we’ve all gone through the same thing,” Mom sort of laughed as she was still dabbing away at my tears.
Then I said the dumbest thing possible, for a boy that is.
“But Mom!” I whined, “My makeup! It’s ruined!”
“Sweety, that can always be repaired,” she softly spoke.
“I guess…” I breathed back out. I looked back into her eyes.
“Will you help me Mom? With the makeup?” I asked her, not realizing the impact of such a question.
“Of course I will honey, but I think we have a lot of other things to talk about before I fix your makeup,” she answered.
Then, with an air of disbelief she continued, “I’ll give you this though, you sure fooled me when I walked in! I thought that you were your girlfriend for the Homecoming Dance.”
Yeah. I can see why too.
I took the tissue from her and finished wiping at my eyes. Her smile turned to a more quizzical look of concern.
“I’m going to put on a pot of water and I’ll make some tea for us, ok Sweety? You should change out of that beautiful dress before it gets ruined. Come back to the kitchen when you’re done and you have a lot to tell your Mother.”
Ummmm, yeah. I know Mom. I’m a failure.
Mom hugged me to her once again and helped me up from the couch.
From the expression on her face, I could sort of feel that she was hugging her child, not the new daughter she had unexpectedly discovered. Was she still really disappointed with me? I had a lot to think about too it seems.
I walked down the hallway to my room. I didn’t see the expression on my Mother’s face behind me as she watched me walk.
I closed the door, not wanting Mom to watch me as I changed. I don’t know why I felt that need for privacy like that still. I guess it was out of habit? I mean, I am a girl. And Mom is one too, sort of… just older. Wait. Im still physically a boy. We are not supposed to see each other. Geez!
I sat on the side of my bed and finally managed to undo the heel buckles that had caused me so much trouble before. It’s all in how you wedge the tip of your nail under the strap. I didn’t even chip a nail! I then removed my dress and hung it on a hangar in my closet, smoothing it down so that it hung freely with nothing touching it on either side. Mindy’s slip came off next and I hung that up as well. The pantyhose was last, but the rest stayed on.
I put on one of my boy’s white T-shirts and my dark blue stretchy jogging shorts.
I looked in the mirror and saw a grungy girl looking back. My makeup was still smudged, but for some reason, my T-shirt bothered me more than my ruined makeup. I remembered seeing girls with shirts like mine on before. They had tied the bottom tight under their breasts, exposing their tummies. I felt the need to do the same, so I could be just like them. And guess what? It did look better!
I went to see my Mom.
Mom’s eyebrows lifted when she saw me enter the kitchen. She was looking at what I had done with my shirt, but didn’t say anything. I just knew she wasn’t pleased because she didn’t smile. I guess I really couldn’t blame her. I was supposed to be her son. Now, I had breasts and was dressed like a girl in boy’s clothes. All tying the shirt did was emphasize the breasts that I don’t think she had noticed on me when I had the dress on before.
“Hi, Mom,” I timidly said.
I could tell mom was biting her tongue, not wanting to say something she might regret later.
“Here’s your tea Sweety,” she said, as she placed the steaming mug on the table in front of me. “Now would you please explain to me what happened here tonight?”
Oh gosh! Where do I really start? This was one heck of a mess and I was desperately trying to think of just how much I should say.
“Do you mean like you found me dressed like a girl?” I asked innocently.
The lights in the kitchen were dimmed slightly but it didn’t conceal my mother’s face turning red and the rage I could see churning beneath.
“Don’t be coy with me Lynn Collins! You know darn well what I mean. And it’s not just finding you dressed like a girl, a very beautiful girl I might add. I want to know what in the heck is going on! And I want everything, from start to finish!” Mom emphasized loudly. Her whole demeanor had changed and it wasn’t from nice to nicer.
“I want to know where my sweet little boy has gone.”
Mom loved me to pieces, and would kill anyone that threatened her child. But when she asked to be told something, I had better not try to evade what she was asking! Besides, how much worse could it get anyways? She has already met her daughter and seemed shocked, but she didn’t go ballistic - yet.
“Mother,” I stated, rather defeatedly, with my eyes looking down at the kitchen tabletop. “It all started out as a prank. It’s just that it... kinda went bad.”
My Mother raised her eyebrow again. “What kind of prank would have you dressed like the girl I saw when I got home this evening?”
“It was something Mindy and I did to fool the students at school, that’s all.”
“What do you mean - that’s all? Lynn, I want everything, and I want it now.”
I wanted to evade telling Mom everything that had happened with our stunt and all I was doing was pissing her off more than if I would just tell her the truth. I gave in. I had to tell her.
“Yes Mom. Mindy thought it would be funny if she entered me in the Homecoming pageant. She promised me that I wouldn’t win. Ashley had enough freshman votes to win our class.”
“Why would she enter you in that in the first place?”
“It was all because of a misunderstanding in Mr. Copeland’s class.”
“What’s Mr. Copeland got to do with this?”
“He thinks that I’m a girl.”
“I can see why,” Mom said with a frown.
“It’s not like that Mom! When I was transferred to his class, I had an accident and my rubber band broke that held my ponytail. He called me Miss Collins from that point on and Mindy thought it would be funny for him to make the same mistake every day. So we started taking my hair out of my ponytail look and fixing it differently every day to get a laugh from the class at how he reacted towards me.”
“I still don’t understand what that has to do with the way you look now?”
“Like I said, Mindy thought it would be funny for everyone to vote for me as the Homecoming Princess. After Ashley won, we’d let them know they were voting for a boy, and that was how it was supposed to be. Mindy didn’t know that the entire school voted for each class nominee. Ashley would have won except, well, I’m prettier than she is… and… I won.”
“You’re the Homecoming Princess?” Mom questioned me with a smirk. I could see her smiling rather proudly at that. But why would she find it so funny?
“Yes Mother. I’m very sorry.”
Mom stared at me and I could swear her eyes were searching me for something!
“Sorry just doesn’t cut it Lynn.” Mom said. “I look at you and all I see and feel is a girl.”
Her eyes were watering now. I felt like crap!
“Mom. I’m still a boy.” I quietly mentioned.
Mom just shook her head slowly and gave me the saddest look.
“From the look of things, I’m willing to believe that you are pretty much a girl already… aren’t you? “
I couldn’t bear looking at her upon hearing that. I lay my head back down on my arms. She was right. I did not really want to deny it.
“Where it counts, Lynn, is inside of you. I can see now that you are really not my son anymore. You have completely changed.”
Mom paused for a moment and then pulled some of my hair back from covering my face and stroked the side of my head. I take it she was admiring her daughter, but I just lay there and played scenes throughout my mind of everything I had gone through the past two weeks.
“A boy wouldn’t have tied his shirt under his breasts dear. Only a girl does that, and I know I never taught you that.” Mom continued. “Why didn’t you just tell the school that the whole affair was a prank and be done with it?” she asked, her tears drying.
I rolled my head back over on my arms to face her. “Miss Benson was so upset at the fraud me and Mindy committed, she told us that the organizations that donate to the school had already received my picture and wanted me to appear at the Homecoming functions for publicity shots and such for their donations to our school funding. If I backed out, she said they would most likely be upset and cut the funding.”
“Who’s Miss Benson?”
“She’s our school Principal.”
“Did she make you dress like this?” Mom’s voice rose again.
I sighed. “No Mother. She did not. I chose to do it. I could have said no. But I wouldn’t. She said I could admit to it and she would deal with the consequences… as well as me. But I couldn’t do that to her! So she said I had to become as much a girl as possible for the event. I didn’t want to embarrass the entire school.”
“Well,” Mom started, trying to find a reason, “Why didn’t you just choose to admit to the prank?”
“Because Mom, I was scared! She said that we had committed fraud, and I didn’t know what would happen to us or the school. She said that we had better think of something and Mindy suggested that I become a girl for the Homecoming. Miss Benson agreed to let me do it after we talked to her about it.”
“She agreed? Does she know what kind of damage she has already done to you?” Mom was almost shouting now.
Damage? What damage? I haven’t been hurt.
“Mother! I’m fine. I am not damaged.”
“You’re fine? You’re saying that? You’re sitting right in front of me with breasts, which I haven’t even addressed yet, and you tell me that you’re fine?” Mom shouted.
“Really Mom.” I groveled. “I wanted to do this.”
She was really mad now!
“I’ll be the one to decide that!”
Mom stewed on that thought for a minute while her eyes scoured my entire form.
“Your eyebrows certainly didn’t grow that way naturally,” Mom noticed while her fingers on her left hand tapped the side of her cheek.
I sat up and straightened myself.
“Um, well… we kind of went to a salon this morning for the makeovers for each girl, and they kinda shaped them for me.”
“I can see that.”
Mom was intensely thinking.
“Ok Sweety, let’s just cut to the chase. How many people know that you’re a boy?”
“Only Mindy and Miss Benson and you. The entire rest of the school has never really been sure about my sexuality, although everyone thinks I’m a girl now.”
“What about your water-polo team?”
Oh gosh!
“I got kicked off. The coach thought I was a girl and was swimming without a top on. He was going to lose his job if he had not covered for me by circulating a report stating that it had been a prank by someone from another school trying to get me in trouble. One guy on the team asked me why I didn’t swim with the girls after I won the Homecoming Princess contest.”
Mom just shook her head. This was so ridiculous to her it sounded like some B-rated comedy. But it was real life — and it was my life! It happened! I could tell she wanted to go off on me, but she didn’t. She just looked sick. To this day I still don’t understand why she didn’t scream at me.
Maybe if I become a parent, I’ll understand?
“Ok. How long have you been doing this Lynn?” she asked in a more remorseful tone.
“For almost two weeks,” I answered truthfully.
“So, this was the important project you and Mindy were working on?” she stated
“Yes. This was the whole thing.”
“Is there anything else that I should know about?”
“Umm, yes Ma’am. You kind of need to meet with Miss Benson on Monday about this whole affair. And…” I more quietly added, “I kind of have to attend school as a girl at least until Christmas Break. At that point, she could arrange a school transfer for me to another school if I wanted to go back to being a boy.”
This was going to push her over the top.
Yep! I was right! If steam could really come out of people’s ears like in cartoons, I’d have third degree burns twice over already!
“Yyy-you have to do what?” Mom almost screeched.
“I have to attend school as a girl.”
“Starting when?” she asked, through gritted teeth again.
Mom grabbed a cookie from the plate she had so thoughtfully placed on the table in between us, and bit down hard on it — really hard! I wondered if Ozzie Osborne’s bat felt the same way as that unfortunate cookie after that chunk was bitten off! It must have been similar to the cookie when it shattered all over the table.
“Since this Wednesday,” I responded, my eyes filling with tears as the shame of lying to my mother hit me.
“I’m sure Miss Benson put no pressure on you to cover her butt either to keep up this charade?” Mom spat.
“Really Mom!” I pleaded. “I chose this.”
“Lynn, I’m so angry right now, please, don’t say another word! You and Mindy could have ended this before things went beyond crazy. All you had to do was tell the truth, and Miss Benson should have accepted that she was part of a cruel hoax. That should have been the end of it.”
“Please don’t be angry, Mom! I really don’t mind being a girl."
Mom stared at the cookie and then back at me.
She then swept the broken cookie into her hand and placed the crumbs on the plate. Then she looked at me again. She had a sad expression on her face. As she stared though, she seemed to soften her anger and her sadness. She didn’t say anything to me for several minutes, until a slight smile crossed her lips.
“So, you won the Homecoming Princess title. I suppose there could be worse things in life than having your daughter be a Princess.”
“Then you’re not mad at me Mother?” I asked.
“Oh I wouldn’t go so far as to say that but, well… never mind. Ok Lynn, tell me about your reign as Princess,” Mom asked with a smile.
“Mom, we had so much fun! I rode around the field in the back of a convertible with my Prince and then we went to the dance afterward. It was magical!” I gushed.
Mom was finally smiling at me for real! It wasn’t one of those wide mouth, tooth-baring ones, but she meant it.
“What about the dance?”
“It was like a royal ball! I danced all night... and with many different boys. But the one that danced with me the most was Jason.”
Up went the eyebrows again.
“And who’s Jason?”
“He’s the King of the court. And… I think he likes me,” I blushed.
Mom rolled her eyes.
“Lynn! What are you thinking of? You are only 14 and not even a girl yet! Ok, not physically one yet. But yes, you are a girl. You should know better than to make your situation worse by getting involved with boys yet and we haven’t even gone over whether you should be a girl or not! You know my rule on dating too. Same thing applies to you whether you are a boy or girl.”
I meekly smiled. “I know Mother. I reminded Jason of that tonight and he respected it.”
“Where was Mindy when all of this took place?”
“They had to take her to the hospital.”
I freaked!
“Oh my God Mom! Mindy! I have to call her mother to find out what happened!”
“Not this time of night! It can wait until in the morning. How did you get home then?”
I really wanted know what happened to her - right now! *sigh* I'll have to wait...
“Jason brought me.”
“I’m going to want to know more about this Jason later, but where do we go from here now Lynn? Are you done with this nonsense?”
“It’s not nonsense Mom! I am a girl! And there’s one more thing I have to do as Princess as part of my functions. Tomorrow, I have to go to a convalescent hospital as my last duty as Princess.”
Mom chewed on that for a minute.
“What are you going to wear?”
“I don’t know? I thought I could borrow something from Mindy, but I wasn’t able to change at her place tonight. So… I don’t know?”
Mom got this silly look on her face before she said, “I’ve always wondered what it would be like to have a daughter to take shopping, so I guess I’ll find out tomorrow morning huh? First thing in the morning though, I’m taking you to the mall to find you something presentable to wear.”
“Really mom?” I squealed.
Mom’s eyes opened until I thought her eyeballs would pop out when she heard my excitement. Yeah, I was just like a girl with a new birthday present being revealed!
Mom had an expression on her face I couldn’t read. All I could see was confusion mixed with sadness. She took my hands in hers and said something that almost brought me to tears.
“I’ll love you no matter what you become Sweetheart. You’ll always be my sweet baby inside - whether you’re a girl or boy.”
“Mom…” I let trail off as I studied her expression.
“Lynn, I’m your Mother, and I know much better than you what’s happened to my boy. I love you sweetheart. Now, off to bed with you, and remove your makeup, or you’ll look a mess in the morning,” she finally laughed.
“Mom, um, like I don’t have anything here? Could I borrow your cold-cream?”
That scene in the bathroom that night!
Mom burst out laughing. “I never would have thought my son would be asking for makeup remover before asking to borrow my car. Come on Sweety, I’ll help you. Isn’t that what a Mother’s are supposed to do when their daughter comes home late?”
Mom brought me to the bathroom and removed my makeup for me. She put my hair up too, so that it would look nice in the morning. I even heard her humming softly to herself while she was fixing me up. When she finished, she kissed me on the cheek and said goodnight.
It was already after two in the morning but I was having trouble sleeping. All of my confessing to my mother had poured massive amounts of adrenaline into my system. I wish sleep would come easily, but it wasn’t. I lay there thinking about what had just taken place with my mother and where my life had to go.
It had taken almost two weeks for me to find the girl that had been hiding so quietly inside of me. How could I know I wanted to be a girl in such a short amount of time? Was the adventure of the disguise and deceit influencing my mind? Had I really become the girl that I thought I had? Was my popularity skewing my thoughts about what was really important - who I was? I knew I was a girl from the very first moment I saw myself in the mirror, but was afraid to admit it to myself at first, or to Mindy. Have I already broken my mother’s heart when I killed off her son? I had all but done that earlier. The only thing missing was telling her that there was no way her son would ever be returning.
In all her wisdom though, Mom had as much as admitted to me that she saw nothing of the boy who had run out of the house earlier that morning. I think she knew when we talked tonight that she now had a daughter, and to be truthful, I don’t think she was all that unhappy about it, after she had calmed down.
I was still scared from having hurt her too…
The sun came streaming through my windows and awoke me the next morning. I stretched and yawned and went to scratch my chest.
Oops!
I had forgotten that I now had something new on my body. I giggled to myself when my hands hit the protrusions. God I wish these were real! I thought to myself as I slightly fingered them.
I went to the bathroom to relieve myself and sat like I had been doing for the last two weeks. The girl in me was gaining control of my everyday duties. I looked in the mirror when I washed my hands. My hair was up, and I had no makeup on, but a girl still looked back at me. There was nothing left that said you’re still a boy. I wasn’t sure if I should be concerned, or happy?
I smelled breakfast and went to join my mother.
I wondered if she was still going to accept me — or not?
I entered the kitchen and mom gave me the biggest smile. I knew then, that my Mother truly loved me.
“How’s my little girl this morning?” she asked.
Holy smokes! She called me her little girl! How should I reply to that? Was she making fun of me, or was she really trying to accept me as a girl?
“I’m fine Mother,” I cautiously replied. “You should have awoke me when you got up. I would have liked to help you out with breakfast.”
“You would have? You never wanted to before,” she incredulously answered.
I could detect a small amount of tension in her voice with that answer, but I didn’t know if it was because of my appearance or something else... like my old lazy self before all this took place.
“That was before Mom. I have been wanting to help you around the house for over a week now, and have been. I told you I had changed. And I mean it. I think some of Mindy rubbed off onto me,” I laughed.
“It looks as though a little too much rubbed off! I meant to ask you about your breasts last night, but didn’t. Would you care to explain to me how you now have breasts?”
I felt my face turning red. I had forgotten all about them! But apparently Mom hadn’t!
“These are not real Mom. Miss Benson had them for the drama club at school, for girls that haven’t developed yet.”
“Then why are they still on your chest?”
“I didn’t have the stuff to take them off with. It’s still at Mindy’s house.”
“Are you telling me that you glued these breasts onto your chest?” Mom asked.
“I had to Mom, or I might have had an accident at the dance.”
Mom shook her head, before she said, “If I hadn’t seen it with my own two eyes, I wouldn’t have believed my son would be explaining glue-on breasts to me. Sundays used to be so relaxing.”
Mom’s face turned to a scowl again with the mention of Mindy.
“I don’t like that girl,” Mom said.
“Mom, this wasn’t Mindy’s fault! I am to blame! Me! I decided to do all of this, Okay?” I replied, really hoping that Mom wouldn’t hate Mindy.
“This thing was her idea, and I’m not going to forget that.”
“Oh my God, Mother! Please! She’s not responsible! And Mindy! I’m sorry Mom, but I have to see if she’s Okay! I have to find out what happened to her last night!” I exclaimed and ran to the phone.
“Don’t be too long,” Mom admonished.
I dialed Mindy’s number, and much to my surprise she answered the phone.
“Hello?”
“Mindy? It’s Lynn. What happened to you last night?” I hurriedly asked.
“Somebody put something in my drink last night and I passed out. I was so embarrassed when I woke up in the hospital.”
“What did your parents say?”
“They were so angry that it happened, especially at the school dance.”
I paused a moment, listening to her breathe on the other end of the phone connection.
“Are you going to be Okay?”
“I feel fine Lynn. Oh wait a minute! How did you get home?” she asked.
“Jason drove me. Aaaaaaand he kissed me goodnight!” I giggled nervously.
“He kissed you?” Mindy shrieked.
“YES!!!! And he’s cute too!” I said dreamily.
“Did you get home before your mother?”
“Yes. But something happened.”
“You had a chance to change didn’t you?”
“No.”
“Huh? Why not?”
“I uhmm, fell asleep on the couch?”
“You fell asleep? Before you changed?!!”
“I couldn’t help it Mindy! I was so tired.”
“Please tell me you awoke before your Mother came home!!!” the concern showing in her voice.
“She knows.”
I heard Mindy groan.
“Well, on the plus side, she obviously didn’t kill you. But I’m sure she has some kind of punishment in line for you. Are you grounded for the rest of your life?”
“Umm, no. She actually wants to take me shopping.”
I was met with silence as Mindy digested my words.
“Your Mother wants to take you shopping??? Like for girl's clothes?”
“Yeppers! I told her about the hospital visit this afternoon and she asked if I had anything to wear. I told her I had left my set of girl’s clothes over at your house and could borrow some of your clothes, but I didn’t know if or when you would be home from the hospital. So she wants to get me something to wear.”
“I don’t believe it! Your mother? Umm, do you think she would mind if I came along with you? I mean I can explain what happened and tell her that it was my fault about the entire thing.” Mindy asked.
“It’s okay Mindy. I confessed everything. And it’s my fault! Not yours. I'm accepting responsibility for it all. Okay?”
Mindy paused a moment. “Ok.”
“As for coming, sure! Maybe it’ll help how she feels about you just now.”
“I thought your Mom liked me?”
“She did - until I explained this whole fiasco to her last night. Let’s just say you’re not on her Christmas list.”
“Maybe I should stay home then,” she glumly replied.
“No! Please come! I’d hate to think of what my Mother will want to buy me, and you know what girls like us like to wear. I don’t want to be getting fashion from the fifties!”
Mindy giggled at that.
“I’ll ask my Mother if it’s okay.”
Mindy covered the phone with her hand but I could still hear her asking her Mother if she could join us.
“Mom says it’s okay, but she wants to talk to your Mother right now on the phone.”
“Okay,” I replied and turned to face the kitchen.
“Mom? Mrs. Swanson wants to talk to you,” I yelled.
Mom came over and took the phone from my hand. She and Mindy’s Mom talked for a few minutes without any mention of my new look.
“Great Janet! We’ll pick you up in an hour. We’ll make it a girls day out. See you in a few. Bye.”
Mom hung up the phone and looked at me.
“You’re going to have to hurry Lynn. We have to pick Janet and Mindy up in an hour,” she said.
“Mom, we only live five minutes away. We have an hour, what’s the rush?”
“And you think an hour is a lot of time? I can see you still haven’t learned everything about being a girl just yet. I have to help you with your makeup and do your hair! We also have to find something for you to wear. I certainly don’t have a figure like girls your age and I doubt you’ll want to wear my clothes."
I hadn’t thought of that! Duh!
“Do you have any makeup?” Mom asked me.
Everything I had ever worn was over at Mindy’s, except for the Homecoming Dress and Mindy’s slip. My makeup kit was also in my bag in Miss Benson’s office. So yeah, I was pretty much screwed!
“No, I don’t Mother. Not handy at least. My kit’s in Miss Benson’s office in school.”
“Well, you won’t need much for now, so I’ll let you borrow mine. I don’t know what to have you wear though,” Mom groused.
“I can wear what I did last night, you know my sweats and the T-shirt?”
“I guess that will have to do. But wear your grey colored one. I don’t want your — bra showing through it easily.”
Mom just got the weirdest smile on her face just then. “You know what? I’ve only known the new you for just a few hours and you’re already causing me to grow grey hairs.”
Mom helped me get ready with my hair and makeup and then went to get herself ready.
Mom was right! It had taken more than an hour to get ready, but we were off in the car to Mindy’s house.
I just realized something!
“Mom?” I quietly asked.
“What did you not tell me now Sweety? By the tone of your voice, it’s got to be something more about all of this.”
“It is Mom. Mindy’s Mother doesn’t know.”
“Maybe she won’t notice,” she answered with a smirk
“Uh Mom???? What about this?” I asked, pointing at my breasts and exposed navel.
“What about it? Janet is going to have to meet you eventually. It may as well be right now.”
I didn’t have the heart to tell her that she had already met me once before, except then, I was a girl named Linda.
Mom and I drove to Mindy’s and was soon at her door. Mom rang the doorbell.
“Would you get that, Mindy?” I heard Mrs. Swanson yell.
The door opened and Mindy looked first at my Mother and then at me. I could tell she wasn’t ready for what she was seeing.
“Hi Ms. Collins! Come on in,” she offered.
“Lynn told me you had quite an evening last night. How are you feeling?”
Mindy’s face lit up like a red Christmas tree when my Mother asked her that question. She didn’t know what I had told my mother and was afraid to answer or give away too much information.
“I’m okay now, Ms. Collins,” she meekly answered.
Luckily, Mindy’s Mom entered the room before anything else could be asked.
“Susan,” she gushed, and gave her an air kiss on mom’s cheek.
“What are you doing here Linda?” Mrs. Swanson asked when she spotted me standing behind Mom.
To Be Continued...
Homecoming Princess (Revised) - Princess Found - Part 9
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Homecoming Princess (Revised)
Princess Found Part 9 By Arecee Edited and proofed by Sephrena Lynn Miller |
“Mother! Please!” I begged.
This was not going the way it should!
“It’s what I really want!”
“And how do you know just what it is you really want?” Mom stared straight into my eyes.
“I know Mother! I AM a girl! I AM your daughter!” I forcefully raised my voice in sheer conviction.
Pictures purchased and licensed royalty-free from www.istockphoto.com .
“Linda?” My Mother questioned.
“Yes, she’s a friend of Mindy’s. I didn’t hear you come in,” she said looking at me.
“Umm… Mrs. Swanson… I’m not really… Linda,” I managed to squeak out before my eyes filled with tears and my throat tightened too much to talk. I just stared down at the floor.
“Mindy, what’s going on here?” her Mother asked as she turned to face her.
Mrs. Swanson’s displeasure was clearly evident on her face. It was bad enough that Mindy had gone to the hospital the night before, but now, her friend admitted to not being whom she had thought her to be, but someone else entirely, before she broke down in tears. Mrs. Swanson was looking at me with some concern as I dissolved into tears and I could almost see some pity through my blurred vision as she watched me cry.
Then it hit her!
She finally recognized who I was.
The expression on her face was fluctuating between both shock and anger. The look she just gave Mindy was frightening!
Mrs. Swanson turned and grabbed both of Mindy’s arms and pulled her face to hers until they were only inches away from each other.
“You tell me what this is all about young lady!” she snarled.
“It was only a joke, Mom,” Mindy whimpered.
“Only a joke? Only… a joke?” she said for emphasis. “For the love of God, he has breasts! I mean she… Damn! I don’t know what I mean,” she sputtered as she let go of Mindy’s arms.
Did I mention that tying my shirt up emphasized my new additions?
As serious as the situation seemed, my Mother couldn’t help but start giggling.
“Janet, calm down. It’s okay,” Mom laughed.
“Okay? For God’s sake Susan - your son has breasts!!!”
I sniffled, “They do come off, Mrs. Swanson. *sniff!* Just not right now.”
“Why not?”
“Umm…” I took a hold of the tissue my Mother passed me from out of her purse and wiped my nose. It is kind of handy having a purse! “Mindy, like, has the remover.”
“Mindy Belle, you’d better have an explanation for this!”
When Mrs. Swanson wanted to make a point with Mindy, she always used her middle name, which Mindy despised!
“Janet,” my Mom interrupted, “How about I tell you what happened while we drive over to the mall. Lynn has to find something to wear this afternoon and we don’t have a whole lot of time.”
Mrs. Swanson shook her head in disbelief as she went off to find her purse. When she came back, all four of us walked out to the curb to my Mom’s car.
“I hope you can explain this better that Mindy has,” Janet said.
“You’re not going to believe what I’m about to tell you,” Mom just groaned.
Mom and Mrs. Swanson sat in the front seat while Mindy and I sat in the back.
“Alright Susan, other than the obvious, tell me what I don’t know?” Janet said.
“I guess I should start by telling you that Lynn’s the Homecoming Princess for her freshman class this year at school,” Mom stated.
Janet’s face went back to that look of incredulousness as her eyes opened wide in disbelief.
“Did you say Princess?” she recomposed herself.
“Yes. That’s the little joke Mindy was referring to,” Mom answered.
Janet turned around in her seat to look at me, only this time, like a mother would look at one of her daughter’s friends.
I blinked my eyes a couple of times and gave her as friendly a smile as I could.
I couldn’t tell what she was thinking as she stared at me, but finally, a small smile crossed her lips.
“I can see why she won,” Janet declared as she turned back to face the front again. “Now, Mindy Belle, what did you have to do with all of this?”
“I entered Lynn in the contest as a joke. We weren’t supposed to win.”
“What do you mean - we? The way I see it, Lynn is the one that won, not you.”
I squirmed in my seat.
“But Mrs. Swanson, Mindy’s my partner. I couldn’t have done this without her,” I said.
Oops! Absolutely the wrong thing to say as I saw Janet’s face turn sour again.
“That’s just the point Lynn! I don’t understand any of this! Why didn’t you just withdraw after you had won?” Janet asked.
“We tried Mom, but Lynn didn’t want to. At first he thought he had to, after Miss Benson explained the situation we had put her and the whole school in. But later, he … sorta just wanted to do it,” Mindy said.
“Who’s Miss Benson?”
“The school Principal.”
Mindy explained to her mother how Miss Benson had originally taken to our prank, and all the events between then and why I looked the way I do today. She purposefully left out the part about Rex and Charlie at the mall; since we, well… her, she isn’t supposed to be seeing boys yet. And I’m definitely sure my mother would blow a blood vessel in her head to hear that I had already made out with a boy in a darkened theater!
Mom then filled in behind Mindy and told Janet about finding me asleep in that beautiful dress I had worn to the dance and that pretty much brought her up to date.
“Okay, so I understand all that. But why are we going shopping for Lynn now?” she asked.
“There’s one more function she has to attend this afternoon. Lynn has to go to a convalescent home at four o’clock. She doesn’t have anything to wear, so I thought it would be a good excuse for us to go shopping,” Mom grinned.
“I’m still having trouble with this. But is Lynn your son, or daughter now?”
I piped in, “Daughter, Mrs. Swanson.”
Janet raised her eyebrows. My Mother’s face had a mixed look. I couldn’t make out how she felt.
“Well Lynn, I’ll love you just the same as you were before. Don’t think I don’t want you to come over either. Feel free to as you always have, but… it will take some getting used to. You certainly had me fooled from before. I have to admit you make an extremely beautiful girl.”
I blushed. “Thank you Mrs. Swanson.”
Mrs. Swanson sighed. “I hope the both of you have learned your lesson from all of this?”
Mindy and I just looked at each other.
“Don’t play anymore pranks!”
Oh Gosh No! Never again!
I said first, “I certainly have Mrs. Swanson! No pranks from me again ever.”
“Me too Mom,” Mindy added next.
We both looked at our Mother’s gazes in the rear view mirror.
They both seemed satisfied somewhat with our responses. We just drove on in silence, listening to the car engine hum while we travelled. Finally, no longer able to keep it inside of me, I softly asked.
“Mother?”
She turned briefly around in her seat to look at me.
“I’m very sorry for having concealed all of this from you.”
I leaned forward and pressed my head against the side of her face as I felt her fingers slowly stroke my cheek.
“I didn’t want to disappoint you Mother… and… I was so afraid!” I whispered out as I kept my eyes closed tight. Mom slightly patted my cheek.
“I know Sweetheart,” she lovingly reassured me.
I really felt crappy for having hid this from her too! It was eating my heart out! Mom was the last person I ever wanted to lie to or hurt. And this had been the biggest thing I had ever done in my entire life! Call it a sense of loyalty or whatever, but I was determined to not ever do this to her again!
I know something inside her had changed too. I had sensed her sadness last night after her outburst. But now, she seemed to be a little more… enthusiastic maybe? About my situation? I really didn’t know what to think about that - it worried me.
But I did know one thing…
I loved my Mother!
I felt her hands slide away from my cheek and I sat back down into the rear seat again. Mindy gave my hand a squeeze.
We arrived at the mall and Mom parked in front of the Victoria’s Secret entrance from the outside.
“I won’t have you trying on clothes without the proper undergarments young lady. You need to get fitted.”
“Are you sure you want to shop here?” Janet questioned my Mother's choice of store to shop at.
“Janet, this is probably the only time I’ll ever get to do this, so I want to enjoy every minute of it. I might be spending a few dollars more than a store like Macy’s, but I can afford it and I want this to be memorable.”
“Miss, could you please measure my daughter for a bra?” Mom asked an attendant.
“I be more than happy to,” she replied. “Come this way.”
Mom and I followed the girl to the dressing rooms. She took a tape measure and measured me outside my T-shirt under my boobs and then across the nipples on my breasts. I was relieved when I didn’t have to remove my top! I imagined all sorts of things that could have probably happened if I had!
“Are your forms attached?” the girl quietly asked me.
I felt my face go red. How in the world did she know? I was even wearing the same bra I had worn yesterday. Then it hit me. She did this every day, all week long! If she didn’t know the difference between real and false, who would?
“Yes,” I meekly answered.
“Good, it’ll be easier to fit you then. Here, can I unsnap your bra underneath and see what the tag says?” she asked.
I blushed again. Oh God!
“Sure,” I managed to eek out. The girl led me into the changing room and shut the door. She helped me lift my shirt off and unhook the bra from behind.
“Hmm, this looks like one of ours. But this size is too tight for you. When you wear a bra, it should be comfortable and loose. Not this snug. They are meant to hold and slow the bounce, not completely immobilize movement. Wearing bra’s too tightly can cause you serious health problems when your real ones grow out too. The fluids inside have to circulate and wearing one too tight will cut the fluid flow off and let it poison you.”
She rechecked her measurements again on me with the tape measure and also measured my waist and from my hip to the inside of my leg. She then mentioned, “Is there any particular style or type that you would like?”
"Yes," came my mother's voice from the other side of the stall door,“She’d like two for everyday use, and two for special occasions. Use your best judgment."
I was like, so embarrassed!
The girl’s eyes brightened and she said, “I know just the ones that will work for you! I’ll be right back!”
She left and closed the door leaving me standing there half undressed and I just looked at myself in the mirror that hung on the stall wall.
I was definitely a very pretty girl! I mean, I really don’t see how I was seen as a boy before. I haven’t done anything really but let my hair grow long. My face is very smooth, my body frame small and lithe, and my waist was narrow. I did not have any of the rough features that most boys had. In fact, I didn’t look like a boy much at all. My arms and hands were thin and delicate. My legs were very long. I already looked like a girl in build and looks. Well, minus the breast part of it.
Then how come Mom never noticed any of this? Why is she really the only one who saw me as her son? Almost everyone else saw me as a girl.
“Here you go, your Mother can help you try these on,” she said, startling me out of my thought process. She had opened the door some and was holding the packages out towards me. I took them and then my Mother came in, closing the door behind her.
“Go ahead and finish taking that one off honey,” Mom said as she started to open one of the packages.
I felt my face return to red again. Mom was asking me to show her my boobs. How embarrassing is that? Even though they are not real, I thought of them as mine - like they were real. To me at least…
I paused longer than was necessary.
“Lynn,” my Mother reminded me, “Mothers help their daughters every day, especially when they are being fitted for their very first bra. I know this isn’t your first one, but it will be the first properly fitted one. You don’t have anything I haven’t seen before.”
I finished pulling the bra off of my chest, exposing my forms. Mom smiled lovingly towards me as I nervously did back to her.
“I remember when I was the same way with my Mother,” she grinned as she saw me trying not to cover my breasts with my hands. “My! They certainly make those things look realistic, don’t they?”
“I guess,” I mumbled, still embarrassed.
“Ok honey, turn around so I can hook this on for you.”
I turned around and Mom brought the bra around the front of me. I knew what to do already from my practice with Mindy and put my arms through the straps. Mom hooked the back and adjusted the straps. The bra was a Dream Angels pushup bra. It actually gave me cleavage! Not much, but it was noticeable.
“I sort of like this one Mother. It does fit right. And it feels good too.”
“My,” Mom said, and I could see her eyes growing moist. “I never thought I would experience this with my own child.”
I just leaned over and hugged her. Words did not need to be said.
It was a special moment.
I looked up at her smiling face as we pulled back.
“Let’s try on this other one on you,” she said excitedly as she started opening another package.
She removed the bra I had on and held up the second one for me to put my arms through. This one was very lacy, and I fell in love with it the moment I put it on! Mom said it was a Demi pushup bra. Now I knew why Mom wanted to come to this store!
A little while later, the sales attendant came back and tapped on the door.
“How do they fit?” the girl asked.
“Perfect,” Mom replied. “She’s going to need some panties too, so she’ll take six pair of bikini cut and six thongs. Be sure at least two match each of these two types of bra colors and the rest can be any other color.”
Woah!
“Mom! Why are you buying so many?”
“You need to be able to change every day. Don’t worry Sweety, I know what I’m doing. Just enjoy this moment Lynn - enjoy being a girl.”
And I did!
I put the first bra back on and tied my shirt under my breasts again. They looked so much nicer now with support!
After Mom paid for the merchandise, I eagerly asked, “Where to next?”
Mom thought for a moment and then admitted, “Let’s ask Mindy. She’ll know which store you will like and what type of clothes you would like as well. But I will refuse ones that look too risqué. Agreed?”
I didn’t need to think twice on that! Mom’s buying me clothing I wanted to wear!
“Agreed!” I beamed.
I walked from the dressing room and Mindy’s eyes checked me out.
“Looking good girl friend!” she complimented me.
“You’re kidding, right?” I asked, not believing my ears.
“No, really! You do. You have some ‘extra’ figure to you!” she giggled.
After settling down she asked, “Ok, where do you want to go to next Lynn?”
“I was going to ask you that same question! I know we came here before, but I don’t remember where we went. Mom said to ask you where we should go.”
Mindy looked at her watch and noticed it was already a little after noon.
“We don’t have much time. We’ll go to Wet Seal and Forever Twenty-one.”
“Lead the way Mindy,” Mom said.
Janet rejoined us and off we went.
I won’t bore you with the in and out of the dressing rooms. We found a really pretty pencil skirt and blouse at Wet Seal and then Mindy and I hit Twenty-One with a vengeance. I bought three skirts, two dresses, and three pairs of jeans. I wasn’t going to mention the seven blouses I bought too, because I don’t want you to think that Mom’s spoiling me. Well, she is. And she seemed to be enjoying every minute of it too! I was going to say something to her about it, like ‘Where was I going that I needed to wear everything you are getting me?’ but I just couldn’t! I didn’t want to break her trance. And yep! I wanted those clothes!!!
This felt like a dream come true!
“Lynn! We have to go! It’s almost two o’clock,” Mindy warned.
I turned to Mom. “Mom, we have to go. I only have two hours to get ready.”
Mom smiled, “Finally thinking like a girl? Oh wait, do you have shoes?”
“No, just the ones I wore last night and these sandals.”
“That won’t do! Quick, we’ll find something at Macy’s.”
We did find a pair there - well actually three pairs: black pumps with a two-inch heel, a different pair of flat sandals, and a pair of canvas shoes for everyday. Mom said two-inch heels were more than enough for a girl my age.
We were going to have lunch at the food court, but I was running out of time. So we dropped Mindy and her Mother off at their house and we went back home so I could change.
Mom suggested that I wear the pencil skirt with my new heels. I picked a blouse and soon Mom was driving me to school to meet the other girls.
Miss Benson had procured one of the district vans to drive us to the convalescent home. The other girls were already there waiting for me when I arrived.
“Lynn! You’re here!” Carla said excitedly.
We all hugged each other. It felt good to be back with my friends.
“Is it true? Did Jason really drive you home last night?” Tina asked.
“Yes,” I softly answered as I looked down at the ground, blushing.
“Oh God! Then what I heard was true?” Tina giggled. “Did he kiss you goodnight?”
The other girls gathered around me waiting to hear what I was going to say.
“Yes,” I breathed.
Even I was getting excited with that proclamation!
“Oooooooo! Lucky girl!!!!!God… Jason is so hot!” Tina exclaimed.
“Are you going to be seeing him again?” Melissa asked.
Hmmmmmm!
“I hope so. My mom hasn’t said one way or the other yet whether I can date now. If he asks me out, and she lets me, Yeppers!” I answered, as my heart did one of those little flip-flops when you think about the person you love!
*sigh*
“You’d be a fool not to! Jason’s really nice. I went out with him for a while until I met my current boyfriend. He’s not like some of the octopuses I’ve been out with,” Melissa related.
“I went out with the octopuses’ brother!” Tina laughed. “He couldn’t keep his hands off of my boobs!”
“What did you do?” I asked, definitely interested in the topic.
“I grabbed his thingy and squeezed it!!! Really, really hard! *laughing* and told him if he touched me like that again, he’d be joining the girls club!”
We all started laughing.
“But it feels so good when they touch me there,” Carla added.
“What???? Not on the first date! Ewwwww!” Tina responded.
“Eww? On the first date?” Melissa questioned also.
Tina continued, “Well he was definitely a jerk. He took me to a movie and thought I owed him something. So Mr. Eight hands was all over me. I’ll never forget the look on his face when I grabbed his thing. I didn’t think eyes could open that wide!” She laughed.
The van arrived just at that moment so we waited until we were seated inside to continue our conversation. Melissa and Tina sat on the forward bench; Carla and I sat behind them.
“Did he say anything?” Melissa asked.
“Not a word! His hands stayed in his lap the rest of the movie. I felt so bad for him I took his hand and held it about half way through the film. He did buy my ticket for me, but that’s about as far as it went.”
“Did he ask you out again?” Carla asked.
“Are you kidding? He couldn’t take me home fast enough! He didn’t even walk me to the door,” Tina giggled.
“What about you Lynn? Did Jason try to feel you up?” Melissa laughed.
Oh Gosh! Not me!!!! Yes, he did. But it was just a little. But I think it was me that wanted him to feel me up to. I definitely was in the mood and loved it. But do they need to know that?
“Melissa, you know she’s a virgin,” Tina reminded.
“I’m just teasing her Tina, let me have a little fun!” Melissa responded.
“All you’re doing is embarrassing her. What she and Jason did is really none of our business.”
Thank God for Tina! I was beginning to see differences in girls that I had never noticed before. Melissa wasn’t a very nice person, and Tina was quite the opposite. I really had grown to like her. Carla was… well, Carla. She was very quiet, but I think she was wilder than either of the other girls. Don’t ask me how I knew that, it was just a feeling I had about her.
We arrived at the convalescent home and quickly exited the van. The driver told us we had an hour to do whatever we had to do and to meet back here at the front doors.
We entered the home and were greeted by a well-dressed woman that looked as old as my Mother.
“Good afternoon, ladies! I’m Debbie Cantrell, the director of the Wellness Center for the Aged. It’s very nice of all of you to take the time to visit with some of our guests. I’m going to leave you with Gail Sanchez, my manager, and she’ll take you to see some of our more needy folks,” Debbie said, in a tone of voice I thought only happened on TV when they were trying to sell you something.
“Hi girls! I’m Gail. I have a list of your names but I don’t have a face to put them to,” she said as she looked each one of us over.
“I’m Melissa, the Queen,” Melissa stated in a tone of voice to make sure she was recognized as such.
What a bitch!!!
Snap! I don’t want to think of those bad words! But Melissa… oooo she makes me so mad!
“This is Tina, Carla, and our freshman, Lynn,” she finished with an air of haughtiness, as if she were real royalty or something. That meant we were the lowlife to her. The more I was around Melissa - the more I was starting to dislike her. Now I could see why Tina was always so abrupt with her.
“Well, come along girls and I’ll show you who each of you are to visit. Melissa, Tina, and Carla, we have the recreation room set up for you three and our patients will visit you there. Lynn, we always like to have the youngest girl visit one of our special ladies on this day every year, so I’ll be bringing you to see Irma Mac Lain. She’s ninety-three years old, and a real dear. I’ll take you to her first Lynn because I’ll have to stay with the other girls. Some of our other patients aren’t quite all there, and I have to supervise their behavior,” Gail chuckled a little nervously.
We walked down a corridor to a room and Gail lightly knocked on the door.
“Come in,” a frail voice said.
Gail opened the door and said, “Irma, here is you special visitor today! Go ahead Lynn. Come on in.”
To put it mildly, I wasn’t really sure about doing this. When Gail did her introduction, she really made me nervous! If all of these old people weren’t really all there in their minds… would one of them hurt me? Geez!
I gathered myself and slowly came through the door.
The room was small, but someone had really taken the time to make it into a home. The bed was made and pictures of family members were placed on every open space in the room. There were several vases of flowers on a dresser across from the bed. A very frail woman was looking out the window over to the garden, which had a rich variety of beautifully colored flowers.
“Come in child,” she said, as she slowly turned to face me. “I’m Irma Mac Lain. Please, just call me Irma.”
Irma was well groomed. Her hair was brushed and she had the slightest hint of lipstick on her lips. She wore a dress and what I would call ‘granny shoes’ — you know the ones with the small chunky heel? Her face was kind and I could still see the beauty within it, despite the wrinkles that had become her testament to age.
“Hi Mrs. Mac Lain, I mean, Irma. I’m Lynn Collins,” I said as I nervously extended my hand to hers.
She took my hand and used it to steady herself. Her eyes seemed to twinkle as she looked at me.
“My, my! You’re a very pretty young girl, Lynn,” she said.
“Thank you,” I blushed. I couldn’t help but smile at her compliment.
“Would you walk with me to the garden?” she asked.
“I’d be happy to,” I replied.
Irma took my arm to help her balance and we slowly walked and made our way outside to the garden. It wasn’t that far, but Irma couldn’t walk very fast either. Some minutes later, we finally made it.
“Please, sit down dear,” she said indicating a bench.
I helped Irma sit and then sat next to her. The air in the garden smelled fresh, with a variety of flower smells and just a hint of newly cut grass. The shadows from the trees made it comfortable to sit on this bench without the heat of the sun burning us.
“Is this your first time being a Princess?” she asked me as she formed a slight smile.
“Yes Ma’am. I was literally surprised when I had won. There were other girls much prettier and more experienced that should have won,” I politely replied.
“You’re a very sweet girl,” she giggled, “I remember when I was your age, long ago. I thought I was so mature then. Oh Lordy, how I tested my parent’s patience! I remember once my friend Sally Laughlin and I thought it would be fun to play hooky from school. We took the rickety old bus into the city and spent the day having fun. Well, on the trip home, the bus broke down.”
“Back then, there weren’t any radios or phones to call for help, so we had to wait until someone came by to repair the bus. We didn’t get home until after nine that night. I thought my parents would skin me alive! Goodness, I had never seen them so angry. I was grounded for weeks, and never skipped school again.”
“I’ve never skipped school. I believe in learning,” I said.
“Good for you sweetheart! Do you have a boyfriend?” she asked.
The blush factory again!!!!
I knew my feelings for Rex and Jason were more than just as friends. How should I answer that question?
“Umm, not really. I mean, I’ve gone out with a few boys, but I’m not really in a boyfriend - girlfriend thing yet,” I giggled nervously.
“That’s a smart girl! Have lots of admirers, that way you’ll be able to find the right man from the bunch. I was very much in demand before I met Mr. Mac Lain. I knew the minute I had met him, that he was the one for me. We were married for eight years before… he passed away.”
“Where did you meet him?” I asked, very intrigued.
“I met him at a dance in Hollywood. Ahhhh, those were the days! Movie stars were like Gods back then. Much different than how they were today. That’s why I was in Hollywood! I wanted to be the next Gloria Swanson.”
“Who’s Gloria Swanson?”
Irma couldn’t help but laugh at that question.
“Sweetheart, she was the Julia Roberts of her day. It’s a shame you don’t recognize her name, but I’m sure you wouldn’t know any other of the ladies I knew back then either. The men were just as popular. Oh! What a crush I had on Errol Flynn! I know, you don’t know who he was either, but he gave me the vapors every time I saw him.”
“The vapors?” I questioned. I never heard that term before.
“Oh, you young girls. I keep forgetting that you’ve never heard that expression before. I imagine you’d call it — ‘taking your breath away’ now. Well, I went to all the studios and was invited to so many parties that I can’t even remember them all.”
“I’m sorry dear, I know I’m rambling. I was at a dance in Hollywood when this beautiful man walked in. I thought Errol gave me the vapors! Well… I’ll tell you Sweetheart, I almost fainted when I first saw Mr. Mac Lain! He was so handsome! Words really can’t even describe how handsome he was. Well let me tell you, I wasn’t going to let some other girl get her hooks into him!”
“I walked up to him and looked him right in the eye and asked him to dance with me. I don’t think he could have been any more surprised at my boldness. We stayed together for the rest of the evening and he asked me out to dinner the next night. A year later we married.”
“How did you know he was the one?” I asked her, very much interested in her story.
“Honey! Believe me, you’ll know. And when you do, you’ll know what the vapors are.”
“Did you have any children?”
“Yes I did deary. We had three boys. I had always wanted a girl, but that was not to be. Grant was drafted and went away to the war. He was killed during a battle in Italy. After that, I could never be with another man. I was not going to spoil the memories I had of my husband.”
“My boys though, they were almost the death of me with all their crazy shenanigans. I still always wonder to this day… what it would have been like… to have had a daughter.”
I didn’t know what to say. Here was a woman who wanted a daughter and didn’t have that chance. It sort of humbled me some and made me feel a slight sorrow for her.
I definitely changed my opinion of this trip and what I thought about Irma.
“Was it hard for you to raise three boys by yourself?” I begged to know. If I ever have children, I had better know this stuff!
“No harder than any other woman had during those days. Grant had left me well off, but I didn’t feel right living off of the money he had left for us. So I went to work in his company that he worked for before the war. It was one of the few companies that didn’t discriminate against women. I worked hard and ended up buying the whole thing out from the stockholders.”
“Wow!! I would have never known…” I let out in amazement.
“Honey, you could do the very same thing! You know, I can tell that you are a very special girl and talented too. You’re very pretty, but beauty goes with age. Brains never do! A beautiful girl with brains can have the entire world at her feet!”
Wow!
“I want you to promise me something. What did you say your name was again Sweety?”
I said, “Lynn Ma’am.”
“Lynn. Yes! Promise me that you will take school seriously. Study hard. Don’t rely on anyone to take care of you! You can do that yourself! I see something very special in you Lynn. I’d be disappointed if you were to waste it.”
Gosh! What could I say? I was embarrassed.
I lowered my eyelids, looking down at the bench. “Mrs. Mac Lain, I don’t see anything really special about myself.”
Mrs. Mac Lain laughed.
“Of course you don’t! You’re still a young girl. But there’s something about you that an old woman like me sees. Trust my intuition, please. You’ll make me proud someday.”
I was speechless! I was a fraud sitting with the most amazing woman I had ever met, other than my mother, and she was telling me how special I was. Boy was I! And not in the way that she meant! I had to change the subject before I said something to stupid or exposed my secret!
I looked back up into her eyes. “Where are your sons now?”
“Well, Carl, my oldest, is the president of my company. He is doing a wonderful job of running it to! Harold , my second oldest, is a surgeon in Boston. And Johnny… Johnny is gone,” she started sobbing.
I leaned over and hugged her. I just had to.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, realizing that I had brought back memories that had best been left alone.
After a few minutes of holding her to me, and her sadness quelled down, I let go and she started rocking herself slightly on the bench, back and forth.
“You needn’t be sorry dear. It’s just that I’ve never gotten over Johnny’s death.”
“It was an auto accident. Johnny and some friends had gone skiing during a spring break from his college. They were on their way home when they hit some ice on the road and skidded into oncoming traffic. The car was thrown off the road and Johnny was instantly killed when it hit a tree. The other boys survived. But my Johnny…”
Tears rolled down Mrs. Mac Lain’s face again, dropping onto her lap. I felt really bad for her to relive sad memories that she had buried for so many years.
I leaned up against her and held her hand while we sat together in silence.
It’s the best way to comfort a friend and to let them know that you are there for them.
A nurse had walked toward us as we sat together in silence.
“Irma, I’m afraid it’s time for your visitor to leave.”
Mrs. Mac Lain looked up at her and with a hint of sadness in her voice, asked, “It is?”
“Lynn, the other girls are waiting for you,” she stated, also with a sadness in her voice. She could see that Mrs. Mac Lain was really enjoying having me with her and hated to take me away. But the driver had said - one hour only.
Mrs. Mac Lain became more animated and affirmed, “My goodness, I can’t believe how quickly time passes!”
“I had a wonderful time with you dear. But I didn’t get to know anything about you. Sometimes I start talking and I just don’t know when to stop. You could come to visit me again… that is… if you’d like,” Irma asked hopefully.
I smiled, “I’d like to do that very much, Mrs. Mac Lain. I’ll see if it’s all right with my mother. Would you like me to help you back to your room?”
“No deary, I think I’d like to sit here for a little while. You run along young lady. Remember what I told you - be strong.”
“I will,” I replied.
I hugged her frail body and then left with the nurse. I did turn around again while we walked away to see her staring off, into the patch of flowers, reliving her past.
A tear trickled down my cheek.
My meeting with Mrs. Mac Lain was having a profound effect on me. She was an old woman with wisdom, sharing it with a young girl. What she had said was for me to be strong inside. Not as a man, but as a woman. I felt sad as I turned around once more to see her before I lost sight of this woman. What was said and done was going to have a very strong influence on my life.
Mom was sitting in the car waiting for me when the van returned me back to school.
“How was your trip to the hospital?” Mom asked as I sat down in the front seat with her and closed the car door.
“It was wonderful Mom! I met the most amazing woman while I was there! Her name is Irma Mac Lain. She’s ninety-three years old. She told me things about herself that were almost like from out of a history book! Mom, would it be okay if I could visit her again?” I asked.
Mom got a funny look on her face.
“Please?” I tried giving her my best Bambi impression.
Her look turned into a smile.
“Of course you may. I guess this whole thing has turned my sweet son into an even sweeter daughter,” she answered wistfully.
“Thanks Mom. You’re the greatest!”
We returned home and I went to change into something more comfortable. I might have only been a girl for just a couple of weeks, but even low heels weren’t the most comfortable things in the world to wear for long! I changed into a pair of shorts, my flat sandals and put one of my old white T-shirt’s on and went off to help Mom with our dinner.
“Hmm, I see I have my grungy son back!” she noted with a gleam in her eye.
“Not really,” I said with a straight face. I pulled my T-shirt up to reveal my new girl’s shorts. My shaved legs and feminine shorts left nothing to explain my new entry into womanhood.
“You really have turned into a typical teenage girl,” she giggled.
I wistfully replied, “Like Mother, like daughter!”
I helped my Mother with dinner and when we finished eating, she got all serious again. We had gone to the living room and mom patted the sofa next to her.
“Sit down honey, we still have a lot to talk about,” she said.
I slowly sat down on the opposite side of the sofa - knees together, of course!
“I thought I explained everything to you last night?”
“All we talked about was how you came to be here. Now we have to discuss what’s ahead. We have some very serious decisions to make concerning your future.”
“I don’t understand Mom.”
“The first thing is your school. I know your Miss Benson has decided to have you attend as a girl until Christmas.”
“Mother, that was my decision too!” I complained.
“I’m sorry Lynn, but you aren’t old enough to make a decision like that. You’re only fourteen!”
Mom was becoming enraged again. I thought our shopping escapade had dispelled her anger, but I guess I was wrong!
“Mom, I know how I feel.”
“And, how’s that?” she irritatedly asked.
“Like a girl.”
Mom’s face went flush with anger. She didn’t say anything for what seemed to be minutes. I could see she was trying to regain control of her emotions before she said anything else.
“After all you’ve been through? I imagine you do. I’m just not convinced that you really do! But that’s beside the point right now. I’m more concerned about you and your school! Do you have any idea of the danger that you’re putting yourself in by dressing like a girl at school?”
What? Does she accept me or not?
“Mom,” I smiled, “Everyone at school thinks I have always been a girl. They all have wondered why I had been dressing up like a boy as it is.”
Mom’s mouth twitched! Just like I had seen Miss Benson do at school!
“I’d probably be in more danger now if I wore my boy clothes to school,” I finished. I hope she saw the logic to that.
“And what happens when someone accidently looks at your school records and sees that you’re a male?”
Yep! Already been through that one!
“The teachers originally ignored the ‘M’ on my records Mom. This past week, since the Coach made such an issue of it and the fact that I began dressing and attending school as a girl, instead of what everyone assumed was a girl trying to dress as a boy, the teachers were told by Miss Benson that my records were in error and that she would correct them soon.”
That was in fact, the truth.
“Oh really? Just like that?” my Mother retorted in a more higher pitched, angry sort of tone.
What the Fudge?
“And without my permission?” Mom continued, not even trying to conceal the anger in her voice. “I think NOT young lady!”
My jaw just dropped. Omigosh!
“Mother! Please!” I begged.
This was not going the way it should!
“It’s what I really want!”
“And how do you know just what it is you really want?” Mom stared straight into my eyes.
“I know Mother! I AM a girl! I AM your daughter!” I forcefully raised my voice in sheer conviction.
My Mother’s stare was unwavering, but her eyebrow did go up.
I GIVE UP!!! She hates me… how could she??? I mean... after shopping… and now…
“I…I-I’m sorry Mother. I apologize… for raising… my voice.” I whimpered.
I couldn’t hold back my tears anymore. My whole world was caving in on me! I just buried my face into arms as I turned to face away from my Mother and cried.
This was just so unfair! Why couldn’t Mom really accept the fact that I’m a girl? It’s like she wants me back as her son. And I can’t do that! I can’t!!!! I’d… I’d rather… die.
I sobbed out, “Why Mother?...Why?...Why am I not allowed… to be me?”
I clenched my eyes closed and dreaded the thought of having to try and go back to being a boy. Being miserable again. No friends. And the feeling of being caged again.
I felt my Mother’s arm surround me and pull me back towards her into a hug. I didn’t have the will to resist anymore. She started to gently stroke my hair and lean into me.
“All I’m saying dear, is that you have to give this thing more thought. It’s an unalterable life decision you are committing to. And once things are done, that’s it! You can’t just decide and go back.”
I honestly didn’t know what she was referring to as being unalterable — I mean, It’s not like I was gluing clothes onto me or something.
“Honey,” my Mother soothed as she pulled my head against hers, “This is... really difficult for me! I really do love you! It’s just… I want so much to get you back to the way you were… as I gave birth to you — as my son.”
She held me tighter for a moment and was inhaling the smell of my hair.
“I feel like inside of me that I’ve lost you! Like you died - but you haven’t. It’s a loss, and I’m hurting and I’m really grasping at straws at what to do.”
… I was speechless.
“I’m right here Mom” I quietly whined. “I haven’t gone anywhere.”
This time, I hugged her back. Even though I’m her daughter, I felt like absolute garbage for making her hurt. I didn’t want her to cry or hurt! I just wanted to be me! I only wish that she would accept me.
“I’m not doing this to hurt you or anyone. I just want to be me!” I mumbled through as I had pressed my face up into her chest.
Mom pulled back from me a little and lovingly said, “I know baby… I know.”
“Mother,” I sniffled as I lifted my head up, “you know how unhappy I was before? I didn’t feel like I fit in - anywhere. I knew that I was different and weird. I was trying to please you and what Dad would have wanted me to be. B-but… It didn’t work. I was hurting inside.”
I could see my Mother’s face softening some.
“I didn’t know what to do. It was like totally frustrating and all I could do was keep to myself most of the time. In school, I joked around to try and get the frustration out. I didn’t have any friends except for Mindy! I wasn’t accepted for what I was physically — a boy. I could never understand why back then. Boys either ignored me or gave me funny stares. The few that did talk to me on a somewhat regular basis, well, they treated me as someone regular, you know like you see every day? But not as a close friend. Not like the friends that I have now. I know now they all thought that I was a girl back then, one that was trying to either be a tomboy or rebelling against something. But I didn’t know that back then.”
“And you know what? I was like all scared when Mindy suggested this prank after my hair band broke in class. I was afraid of trying something so different and what I thought was wrong at the time. I thought I had been a boy. But after, well — this, I finally found ME! This is me, Mother!”
Mom’s eyes were moistening up. She was listening intently to my feelings.
“I enjoy looking beautiful! I enjoy others finding me beautiful. It’s — it’s I can’t describe it all, really. It just feels so right! For the first time in my entire life I feel that everything about who and what I am now, is right! I love how I am! I like how others see me! I have lots of friends now. I can talk and relate to people now. It’s like a huge rock has been lifted off from on top of me. I feel free!”
Now tears were trickling down my mother’s face.
“I really hated myself before, Mother. I hated being awake, I hated being in school. I practically kept my eyes glued to my books so that I could ignore everyone else around me. But I don’t do that anymore! I like being there and around other people now. And as a girl!”
Now my Mother rested her head against mine.
“Honestly Mom, when you look at me… do you really see me as a boy — or as a girl?”
I pushed my hand against hers and we both stared down at it. My hand was just about the same thinness and length as my Mother’s, mine being slightly smaller.
We just sort of let time stand still and enjoyed this moment with one another. I really felt so much closer to my Mother, as a person, more than at any time I could ever remember in my life. This felt so good! I should have been this way with her so much sooner!
I know she was having a hard time with accepting me as a girl. But honestly, wasn’t I always a girl inside? I thought so.
“Lynn,” my mother started, “I don’t think… I can answer that…”
I looked up into her eyes. She gave me a small smile through her tears.
“…on the grounds that I may really have a daughter.”
We both giggled and cried together.
“Lynn, honey, you and I aren’t really aren’t in any position to make this kind of decision for yourself just yet. While I may see my daughter before me and I'm trying hard to accept her, and you believe that you are a girl, I’d like a doctor to assess you and really make sure this isn’t some passing fad or misplaced notion of perception. Can we agree on that?”
I simply nodded, wiping the last of my tears away.
“You don’t have to be a girl to be accepted by others as you are now, you know?” Mom gently squeezed my hand.
I thought about that statement. That was very true! I didn’t have to be a girl for acceptance. But… then why did feeling that I was a girl so right and being a boy so wrong?
“Mom. There is one other thing though, that you should know.”
“Oh?”
“It might be better if I was a girl anyways. It would be a lot harder on me and more dangerous if I was seen as a boy… dating boys.”
Mom’s eyes widened.
“I thought you liked girls though? Oh wait! The dance… Jason.”
I slowly nodded.
“I really do love the attention of boys Mom. Girls, well, they feel like sisters to me. I don’t feel the fire inside of me when I kiss a girl that I do when a boy does.”
My Mother frowned at that.
“And I love their strength when they hold me,” I continued rather dreamily. “I just want to lose myself in their arms and let them kiss me, and…”
“Ok, ok. Enough of that imagery,” my Mother cut me off. “I know exactly what you mean. I know someone who went through what you’re going through now and I’m going to ask her whom we should see. I won’t risk taking you to the wrong person.”
“You know someone - like me?” I asked, bewildered to that fact.
“Yes Sweety. A number of years ago one of the men that I worked with told us that he was really a woman inside and wanted to become one on the outside. He was the best salesperson we had and when he became a woman, he didn’t lose his job. Now, she’s better at selling houses than she was before. When I asked her how her sales could really be so much better, do you know what she said to me?”
“No.”
“She said her customers could see the happiness and honesty when she showed a house. Before, all she was doing was making a sale, but now it’s different. She really believes in what she’s doing. I’ll talk to her tomorrow and see if she can help.”
My Mother helped me to stand up.
“And tomorrow, I’m going to have a talk with your Miss Benson. We have a lot to discuss!” Mom snapped.
“Mother? Please! Don’t be harsh with her.”
“Harsh? That’s a kind way of putting what I’m going to say to her. That woman has NO place being where she is! If it was up to me, she’d be looking for a new job!”
“But Mom!!! I am to blame, not her!”
“Really? Just how do you see that young lady?
I gulped.
“I volunteered Mother! I did! I did it to protect Miss Benson, I did it to protect Coach, and I did it to protect the school. It was my fault for doing the prank, I accepted the responsibility Mother. Miss Benson did not force me to do one thing or the other. I chose this path rather than admit to the entire school to what I had done. I couldn’t face the school Mom! I couldn’t! I was too afraid of what the boys would do to me afterwards and how everyone would treat me!”
“And I’m not doing this or going along with this just to protect everyone else anymore either Mom. I am doing this for me! Because I’m a girl, and because...well… this is really me.”
Mom slightly smiled. “Nevertheless honey, you are a child — and my child. One who may be a little more grown up than I originally thought, but still, my child. She’s an adult, and she is supposed to know better.”
“Look,” she suggested, as she lay her hand upon my shoulder, “It’s late and you have school tomorrow. We can talk about this later after I’ve talked to Miss Benson and Marilyn Grant at work. Go on to bed and try to sleep well Sweetheart.”
“Goodnight Mom.” I kissed her cheek. “I’ll try.”
My Mom seemed a little shocked at that. Her face was still a mix of emotions and I was the entire reason that she was going through what she was feeling right now.
As I got to the hallway, I paused.
“Mother?” I raised my voice some so that she could hear me.
“Yes Sweety?”
I couldn’t help but feel love for my mother because she was actually trying to protect me in her own way. She is the woman who gave birth to me and accepted me, now, as I was. And, in not so much as in really saying it, I could see that she really did like me as her daughter - just not the circumstances of how I became it.
“I love you.”
To Be Continued...
Homecoming Princess (Revised) - Princess Found - Part 10
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Princess Found Part 10 By Arecee Edited and proofed by Sephrena Lynn Miller “What was I thinking? Maybe you should ask your son, or I should more correctly say, daughter, was thinking? That is entirely the pertinent question at hand,” she answered back with a calm and authoritative manner to her voice. Miss Benson was pushing all the wrong buttons with my Mother. My Mom didn’t become successful by being stupid and she didn’t like to be pushed around, not at all! |
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Pictures purchased and licensed royalty-free from www.istockphoto.com .
I went to bed and tossed all night long. I couldn’t keep my mind off what was going to happen tomorrow! Mom was so upset! And Miss Benson was in so much trouble too! And all of this… was because of…me! The only good thing that was in sight was Mom’s mentioning of her friend at work. I hope that when all of this trouble is over, that Mom will finally understand how I feel.
My alarm sounded. Uggh! I felt as though I had barely slept!
I pushed the snooze button and rolled over. This comforter felt sooo good! I snuggled back up and let my mind relax again.
“Lynn? Up and atom, Atom Ant,” Mom called through my door.
Uggh, Noooooo!
“You have to get ready for school sweetheart. It takes longer for girls, so get your tail moving.”
*sigh* I suppose so.
I sure am not looking forward to THIS morning!
I heard Mom walk off and I rolled out of bed and hit the shower. The water felt so refreshing and warm and woke me as much as it was going to. I soaped up using my Suave Bodywash and sort of hovered and stopped as I got to my breasts. I know these were forms and were still attached to me. But I tried shoving that thought to the back of my mind as I first started slowly swirling the bodywash in a small circle above them. Then I allowed my hands to cup and spread the rest of it around them. I savored this moment and the feeling. These are mine! And I feel absolutely perfect with them.
I wondered what I was going to wear today as I stood in front of my new wardrobe hanging in my closet with the towel wrapped around my chest, dripping slightly. I finally decided on a nice skirt and blouse. I’d have to see what the other girls wore in order to make my choices tomorrow, but there was no excuse to look like the boy I had before. I carefully lay my clothes out over my bed and then sat down in my desk chair with the hair dryer and began to slowly dry and comb out my hair.
I know I must have been running slow, because Mom opened my door and looked in.
“Still not ready Sweety?”
“No Mother. I’m not feeling good about today.” I was still running the hair dryer on my hair.
My mother’s face showed a small amount of displeasure, but she offered, “Ok I’ll help you get ready then, because it’s getting close to time.”
I smiled. I liked her wanting to help me.
We finished up my hair, I got my clothes on, and she began to deftly apply a small amount of makeup on me: eyeshadow, a little blush, and a light touch of lipstick. It all added to my look and complexion and was just a hint, and not too much.
My Mother looked over her creation. I could see that twinkle in her eyes as she looked me over.
“Hang loose for a second, dear. I can see a couple of things missing. I’ll be right back.”
A few minutes later, my Mother came back with a purse and a few pieces of jewelry.
“I never thought I’d ever enjoy moments like these with you Lynn. Never,” as she packed the purse with the small makeup compact, the lipstick, a small package of tissues, and the small bottle of perfume she had used on me.
“Those are yours now. You can buy more or better ones later, but for now, that’s from me.”
My eyes watered a little. Mom was really trying hard to love me, even though I know she wanted me back… as her son. Why does love have to hurt like this?
My mother giggled a little. “Lynn, Sweety, don’t you dare cry! We don’t have time to repair your makeup. Here.”
She slipped a delicate and thin gold necklace over my head. Dangling at the end of it was a little gold cross with squares of what looked like four bar shaped crystals making up the cross with a tiny face of a caring man with long hair and a slight beard in the center. Then she surprised me and slipped a small gold ring with a tiny red stone onto a finger on my left hand. She tested it slowly at first and found that it did, indeed, fit just right, before sliding it all the way up.
Mom, sort of sniffled. “These were mine honey, from when I was little. Both of these came to me from my Mother. That ring was given to me on my 12th birthday and has my birthstone in it.”
I looked at it in wonderment and wiggled my fingers and held my hand up to let the light shine on it from different angles.
"It's beautiful Mother!" I gushed, amazed she would give me something so valuable to her!
“It’s a ruby,” she emphasized.
I didn’t understand the concept of what that was supposed to mean other than it was just the name of the stone in the ring.
“That necklace was given to me also, by my Mother, when I was seven. She introduced me to church Sunday school and I began regular attendance then. It was out of her love for me to show me the meaning of what God was in a person’s life that she gave it to me. I’m giving these, to you now, to show you my love for you, as my child… and as my daughter.”
I was choked up! I couldn’t say anything.
I hugged my Mother tightly. She rocked back and forth and smiled.
“I love you Mommy.”
Her smile was one of pride.
“I love you too Sweety.”
“Ok Honey, let’s get going. I’m going to drive you to school since we are both going to see Miss Benson.”
Yep. And all hell was going to break loose.
I slung my purse over my right shoulder and followed her out from our house to her car. I got into the front passenger seat, sat down properly, and buckled up my seat belt.
“Maybe being a girl is making some positive changes in you after all,” Mom giggled.
“Thanks Mom,” I smiled. I knew now Mom, really was accepting me. It was hard on her, I could see that. I was determined to not let her down ever again or disappoint her. I was going to be her perfect daughter!
“I called Marilyn and got her voicemail. I left a message for her to call me back on my cell phone. I’m going to get the name of her therapist and see if I can get an appointment for you as soon as possible. I’ll call your school if I have to pick you up early, but I seriously doubt that it will be that soon.”
Mom backed the car out of the driveway and shifted it into forward motion.
“Honey,” she more seriously said as she slowed the car down to a stoplight, “While I’m talking to Miss Benson, I would like for you to refrain from interjecting into our discussion, Ok?”
I looked down to my lap and simply nodded.
“I heard your side of what has happened. I am not blaming you at all for any of it. But I will give your Miss Benson a piece of my mind and hear what that woman has to say about why things were left to go on as they did.”
She started accelerating the car again.
“I have also been thinking, too, about your safety. I’m going to purchase a cell phone for you this morning after our meeting. It’s for you to use for emergencies young lady, and not to call your friends. Maybe later, if things remain as they are, and you still show the responsibility that you are showing now, we’ll see about letting you have more cell minutes for friends. Agreed?”
I looked over to her and smiled. “Yes Ma’am.”
A cell phone! Wow!
“Thanks Mom! You’re the greatest!” I beamed.
“I certainly hope so, especially for what you’re putting me through.”
We made a left turn. I gently squeezed her arm, reassuringly.
We arrived at school and Mom parked the car in the visitor parking near the Main Office side of the building. Students were disembarking buses and some were milling about in front of the school.
“You’ll have to show me where the office is dear,” Mom said as we shut the car doors and she locked them with her clicker.
Mom followed me down the sidewalk and up to the front Main doors of the school.
I had to pause as a few boys and girls passed us and said, “Hi Lynn!” “ Looking good!” and “You sure look wonderful today Lynn!” I was greeted with more than my fair share of welcomes from both strangers and friends.
Then I felt myself surrounded in a hug from behind and a giggle. “Hi Lynn! Is this your Mother?”
I turned to see Laura in a cheerful mood.
“Hi Laura!” I grinned back, “Yes this is my Mother. Mom, this is Laura, a close friend of mine here at school. Laura, this is my Mother.”
My Mother was kind of surprised at what was going on. She fumbled with what to say for a moment and then managed, “I am pleased to meet you Laura. I’m Susan Collins, Lynn’s mother.”
Laura gently shook my Mother’s hand. “Likewise. You have one awesome daughter Miss Collins.”
I then mentioned, “Laura, I may be missing my homeroom and 2nd period classes. I have a meeting with Miss Benson and I am not sure what’s going to happen.”
Laura seemed to frown slightly, but she had that look of understanding. “Ok, I’ll tell Mr. Copeland and Mrs. Harrison you are in the office, K?”
“Thanks Laura!”
“That’s what friends are for! See ya at lunch!”
She bounded down the hallway. There weren’t any sneers or evil remarks made by anyone passing about us. A few of the boys made some wolf whistles towards me and I overheard one of them saying how much of a foxy chick I am. I know Mom had overheard it too! She was seriously at a loss.
I guess she had expected a much worse scenario?
“Mom, they all think I have always been a girl,” I whispered.
“I know honey. I’m seeing it… and for the life of me… I just don’t believe it.” She shook her head.
We entered the main office.
Nancy Kramer looked up from her desk behind the counter.
“Oh, hi Lynn!”
Mom asserted herself and spoke, “I’m Ms. Collins, Lynn’s Mother. I believe that we have an appointment with Miss Benson?”
“Sure thing Ms. Collins. I see its right here on her list. I can certainly see where Lynn has gotten her good looks from.”
My mother started to blush.
Everyone loved Mrs. Kramer. She was always so nice and sweet and also knew every student in the school, by name. I couldn’t help but notice a small smile on Mom’s lips with the compliment she was just given.
Mrs. Kramer went to the back and opened Miss Benson’s door.
“Miss Benson? Ms. Collins and Lynn are here to see you.”
“Send them in Nancy. Thank you.” we heard from inside the office.
“Miss Benson says to come right in,” Mrs. Kramer said.
Mom and I walked through the swing door of the counter and into Miss Benson’s office. She greeted us with a smile.
“Good morning Lynn. This must be your Mother. I’m very pleased to meet you Ms. Collins, I’m Gloria Benson.”
Mom didn’t reply just yet, but I could see her looking Miss Benson up and down. I knew what she was doing… gathering her thoughts for the battle!
I sat down in the far chair in front of Miss Benson’s desk and noticed my makeup kit! I picked it up and sat it in my lap. Mom had still not budged from where she stood in Miss Benson’s office to sit.
“Have a seat Ms. Collins,” as Miss Benson went behind her desk and sat down and pulled her chair up to the desk.
“Miss Benson,” Mom said coldly, “I can’t say anything pleasant back as far as I’m concerned. I’m sure you know why I’m here this morning, and it isn’t for any pleasantries. So I won’t waste your time or mine by beating around the bush. So I have to ask you — WHAT IN THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?”
My mother screamed that last bit.
I’m sure everyone in the outer office heard that too! I was scared!
I watched Miss Benson’s demeanor turn cold, and then to confrontational. She wasn’t used to having a parent or student question her decisions about how she ran her school. I watched her compose herself and then she spoke.
“What was I thinking? Maybe you should ask your son, or I should more correctly say, daughter, was thinking? That is entirely the pertinent question at hand,” she answered back with a calm and authoritative manner to her voice.
Miss Benson was pushing all the wrong buttons with my Mother. My Mom didn’t become successful by being stupid and she didn’t like to be pushed around, not at all!
“YOU KILLED MY SON! You took him away from me forever! YOU BITCH!!”
Miss Benson seemed slightly taken aback but held her composure. My Mother then continued.
“Listen to me Miss Benson, and you listen well! I talked to my son and he explained what happened and why he did what he did. That still doesn’t explain what you did with regards to the prank. You pretty much didn’t let my son back out of the situation he was in. It’s what is called COERCION Miss Benson! And your subtle pressure did THIS to my son!”
My Mother was pointing towards me while she ground her teeth. I was truly scared!
“It was his decision,” Miss Benson calmly answered.
“His decision? HIS? Listen to me, you little bitch! I know just how easily Lynn can be persuaded to do things he doesn’t want to do and YOU took advantage of that! You could have nipped this thing right in the bud and done the right thing. The school might have been embarrassed, Well so what? That’s the breaks! Instead, you decided to make an example of my son, and turn him into a girl! Shame on you woman!”
My mother was crying now as she let her anger all out onto Miss Benson.
“You could have suspended him for being involved in this stupid prank, but nooooo, you thought he would learn a lesson because of your perversion. What about Mindy? I don’t see her dressing as a boy for this punishment! All I see is your hatred towards my son.”
“THAT WILL BE QUITE ENOUGH MS. COLLINS! Have a seat! And I will explain JUST what happened.”
My Mother seemed to regain her composure and actually sat down.
“First off Ms. Collins, I do not hate your son! Let’s get that out of the way! The truth is, I love your daughter as if she were my very own. She is a very special child and, to the contrary, since I discovered Friday morning that this was not a second prank being pulled on me, I have now taken an active interest in protecting and helping your child.”
“And secondly, there is no punishment! There hasn’t been! Lynn insisted upon doing this.”
Miss Benson turned her computer LCD screen around towards us and set a pile of folders on her desk in front my Mother.
“I have taken the opportunity to sequester these files from Central Administration’s Records for your ‘son’s’ attendance at Central Junior High. Please look at the paperclipped notes from ‘his’ teacher’s.”
My mother looked at them in bewilderment while Miss Benson continued.
“You will notice how all of ‘his’ teachers noted ‘his’ sweet demeanor and sensitivity and continual habitual committing of pranks and joking around — even back then! A couple of them were confused as to whether he was a boy or girl back then too! But none of them pushed to do anything about it! When your daughter, and I am going to use the term daughter from here on out, because there is nothing you can convince me of otherwise at this point that he is not a she, committed this prank, she put me and the school in a bind! True enough, at that point I should have disqualified ‘him’ and accepted the runner up.”
“However Ms. Collins, young Lynn here is very photogenic and a very special girl. When she and Mindy approached me after the contest, I had already sent the winner’s photographs to our Funding Sponsors. Both Mindy and Lynn then admitted that Lynn was actually a boy and threw a wrench into everything! So just what was I thinking? I thought that young Lynn should learn a lesson about pranks. That ‘he’ should either own up to it admit to it to everyone else and it would have been over, or else go on through with the Homecoming and do her best job at it. It was never to turn your ‘son’ into a girl.”
“Now, that was my mistake Ms. Collins, and I own up to that! Your daughter saw differently and wanted to do the right thing and go through with the Homecoming pageant. It was a desire on her part and she emphasized it to me. At that time I thought your daughter was actually a boy and had a talent of pulling off looking like a girl extremely well. As long as she did not slip up and ruin the pageant, everything was going to be alright.”
“But things went wrong. Lynn never told me about being on the boy’s water polo team and heavens be! If Coach Wilson had not been anywhere as supportive as he was in squelching this, we would have had lawsuits from other parent’s on our hands as well as the school board! I had to act and act fast to suppress what could have turned into a living nightmare for your child! I did that for your daughter!”
“I have also rearranged her schedule to take Home Economics instead of anything dealing with gym or physical education for this semester and in the future. That’s for safety precautions.”
“When young Miss Swanson approached me with Lynn this past Friday so that I could evaluate just how well ‘he’ could pull this off, to say that I was shocked would be an understatement! Here in front of me, in full dress, and looking every inch a girl much older than Lynn’s fourteen years, was a real life girl! Nothing of a boy existed! What was I to do? Every inch of her demeanor and the way that she spoke and carried herself, said that she was a girl. I fully got to see how Lynn was and I was thoroughly confused!”
“Later that night, I got to thinking that perhaps those two were pulling another prank on me yet again! I thought they were acting this out to make me feel that Lynn was a girl. So when we did the photo shoot Saturday morning, I pulled Lynn aside and asked her eye to eye if this wasn’t another of her pranks! Was she really a boy or not! She admitted to me it was indeed no prank, and that she was a girl. Isn’t that right Lynn Collins?”
My Mother looked at me. I could feel the coldness of her gaze upon me. Ouch!
I couldn’t speak, my throat was constricted. So I nodded.
“Yes! And she surprised me yet again by thanking me for having let her have the opportunity to be herself and be a girl. She said I had allowed her to find her true self.”
A replay of my words. My mother turned and looked at me again.
I nodded.
“I was literally floored Ms. Collins. In all of my twenty-one years as principal of this school, I have never had a child quite like yours, nor this situation. As further proof to back up my claim, here is a copy of the portraits taken for the Homecoming court, including a special selection of shots of your daughter. I want you to take a very good look at them Miss Collins and you tell me that this is your son!”
Miss Benson handed my mother a very large manila envelope. Tears ran down my mother’s cheek as she began looking at, and then cherishing, every pose I had done that day - including the seductive pose I had laying on the floor in my dress while I was looking at the photographer. As she flipped and looked at each picture, my Mother’s hands shook.
“I honestly believe that Lynn has been a girl far longer than either you or I have suspected. The way she acted Saturday all day from the time I had seen her at the photography session until the end of that night was a like a girl freed! She was very happy and enjoyed herself. I can definitely imagine that it was a very special time for her as well. I also have a copy of the Homecoming Pageant on both VHS and DVD here for you - both at the game and after. View this with her at home at your leisure. In it, you will see Lynn in most of the filming. Apparently she had somehow charmed our senior student who was doing the video production of the event.”
Miss Benson handed a clear taped box also to my Mother.
“Ms. Collins, I sincerely did not know that Lynn was really a girl inside all along. If she is truly not, she will have fooled me for a third time. And if that’s the case, I’ll retire right now.” Miss Benson said in a more motherly tone.
I had to say something now.
“Miss Benson, yes, I have always been a girl. I just did not know I was by label and was trying to be what both my Mother and father would have wanted me to be. I just knew that it was wrong and was having a hard time dealing with it is all. I am truly sorry that this has gotten you in trouble with my Mother and I want to apologize to the both of you. My being me is important! But not to get other people into trouble!”
“I couldn’t go back to pretending to being a boy once I found out that this is who I was. It got harder every day to try and pretend that I was still a boy, Mother, once I accepted that I was a girl and that I had been suppressing it all along.”
Miss Benson then added, “And another point, Miss Collins, everyone here at this school believes that Lynn has always been a girl: even her teachers! Which brings us to this point.”
“I noticed that myself… coming in this morning.” My Mother sadly looked over to me, clutching my photographs and film to her chest and then back to Miss Benson.
“Well… things did go this far and I want to know what we can do to fix it,” Mom sadly expressed. “Lynn told me that he has to attend school as a girl until Christmas, and you want to change his records to imply that he’s really a girl.”
“Yes, but that Christmas break period change was only if ‘he’ wanted to return to being a boy. That was so that ‘he’ could leave this school at a natural break, and attend one elsewhere within the district without this event or having posed as a girl hanging over his head. I would have altered the records temporarily for the few months until Christmas and then back to male if he chose to transfer. However, I do not think that is the case any longer. I can change the records to leave ‘him’ as a girl, but there will have to be medical documentation later that I will have to submit as to why. Which, again, is the reason that I asked you here to meet with me. ”
“I’m going to be straightforward with you Miss Benson; the damage has already been done! Lynn will be attending school, probably, as a girl from now on. And I’m not very happy at all about that! Because of what’s happened, Lynn is going to begin psychological therapy sessions to find out who he really is - boy or girl. And where it goes beyond that… I… don’t know…”
I could tell Mom was holding back the tears. She didn’t want her strength to be diminished by another show of emotion. I can't same the same for Miss Benson. Her tears were running down her face and dripping onto her desk.
“Ms. Collins. I want you to know that Lynn means a lot to me as well. She has been the most intriguing and talented child I have ever run across in all my years. If you look at her grades here, you can see that she is constantly on the honor roll and excels at whatever she seems to do. She has fire and determination. And I am just as interested as you in her education and her safety. Because of her attitude, determination, grades, and willingness to pull in for the spirit of the school, and that she has charmed me as well, I will offer my support and funding to help her in her needs, even if it comes from my own pocketbook!”
“Her well being, education, and safety is my concern too. I want her to attend this school and succeed. IS that acceptable to you Ms. Collins?”
“We’ll see. I’ll talk with you again once her psychological testing is done. Then we can proceed from there.”
Mom then turned to me. “Lynn, like I said, If I call the school, I’ll be picking you up. Okay?”
“Yes Mother.”
My Mother stood up and organized the photographs back into the folder and slid the box into her handbag. She then eyed Miss Benson fiercely.
“I do expect a call from you immediately if anything further happens to Lynn. Is that understood?”
“Ms. Collins, you have my word. I’m going to look after your child as if she were my own.”
My mother headed out of the office.
“I’m so sorry Lynn,” Miss Benson then whispered to me. “If I had only known.”
I felt proud for the way my Mother had stuck up for me, but for some reason I felt really bad for Miss Benson. I don’t think she had done anything that was really wrong. But I couldn’t convince my Mother of that… After all everyone thought I was a girl anyway and all this did was confirm his or her suspicions depending on the person you asked.
“Miss Benson,” I stood up and said. “I know you didn’t mean any harm to me and I feel you did no wrong to me. What you did was allow me the opportunity to be myself. I am forever grateful to for you for that.”
My Mother paused at the doorway as I said that. She turned around and stared at me.
“And I really did enjoy being the Homecoming Princess for our school.” I finished.
Mom irritatedly snapped, “Lynn, your likes or dislikes are irrelevant! What Miss Benson did was wrong! Period! End of story! What happens next ought to be of grave concern to you since it’s going to determine who and what you are for the rest of your life!”
“Ms. Collins,” Miss Benson interjected, “I am going to help with the expenses.”
“See to it that you do Miss Benson, or this won’t be the end of this! Now I suggest that you change Lynn’s records and refer to him as a her from now on!”
“I’ll take care of it right away,” Miss Benson answered.
Mom left without so much as saying a goodbye - even to me! She was really, really angry. And apparently not only at Miss Benson… but at me, too.
“Lynn, before you go to class, I want to convey how sorry I am about all this. I should have declined letting you be Homecoming Princess. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me some day,” she said.
“Miss Benson, I’m not angry with you at all. I’m actually glad that you let me be Princess! Otherwise, I’d still be a miserable boy doing pranks trying to find out who I was supposed to be. It’s just that my Mother was really shocked the other night when she came home and found me asleep on the couch in my dress after the dance. It’s I who should be thanking you,” I endearingly said.
“For what?”
“For allowing me to find that I’m really a girl. And I am very grateful for that. I’m much happier now.”
Miss Benson went pale when I said that. She hurriedly filled out a pass slip and handed it to me.
“Here go ahead and get to class. You let me know if anything is wrong, Okay?”
“I will Miss Benson!”
I left and politely closed the door.
I went to my 2nd period class and the rest of the day was pretty much the same as it had been, every day the previous week: guys hitting on me, me thinking about them (while trying to concentrate on my schoolwork) and I would join the rest of the girls for protection and began talking with them or sitting with them during lunch.
Susan Collins left the school rather upset. After hearing that Miss Benson had allowed Lynn the opportunity to explore and become a girl, she couldn’t see straight! The way she saw things, was that Miss Benson was wrong - no matter what! And she couldn’t help but think that somehow, she too, was at fault, for failing to pay more attention to her son. It had been awfully hard to do her real estate business to support them both, but she really never had the time to spend with Lynn and supervise things. She now deeply regretted that she hadn’t.
Halfway back to the house, Susan’s cell phone chimed. She quickly pulled over to the curb, since this was a residential area, and parked.
She flipped her phone open.
“Hi Susan, It’s Marilyn! I got your voice mail. What’s up?”
“Hi Marilyn, I really need your help. I need the number for the psychologist that you saw back then.”
“Why would you be calling Bernard?”
“Something happened at my son’s school. And now… he thinks… he’s a girl,” Susan choked out with the sadness of losing her son.
“Oh my! Susan, I am so sorry. Do you know if it was gradual or sudden?”
“I honestly don’t know. The school has records indicating it could have been long term and I just didn’t see it. But Friday morning, Lynn left for school as a boy and came home as the Homecoming Princess for his school.”
“Your son was elected Princess? How did that happen?”
“It’s a long story Marilyn and I’d like to have lunch with you one day and tell it all to you, but for now, all that I can say is that it started as a joke, and now my son thinks he’s a girl,” Susan said, as the tears began to flow.
“Oh Susan, I’m so sorry! I wish I was there to help you. Why does he think he’s a girl? Being a girl is a very large step from pretending to be a one and winning Princess. There must be more going on that he hasn’t told you. Has he told you why he thinks he’s a girl?”
“He says that he is a girl, and was never a boy. And what I don’t understand is the enthusiasm and happiness he is showing now. He absolutely loves being a girl.” Susan stated with a defeated tone in her voice.
“I want my son back…”
Marilyn kind of sighed on the other end before asking, “Susan, what has the reaction been from the other students?”
“They all thought he was a girl already. They thought he was girl trying to be a boy. His clothes just confirmed what they thought all along, that Lynn was a girl in their minds. I never knew any of that!”
“Well that sounds very serious to me. What I’ve gone through in my transition is one thing and from my experience. All I can do is reference my experience and thoughts from my point of view. But don’t you worry dear, Bernard will get to bottom of Lynn’s problem. But from me, my experience, what I am going to say to you is what the truth sounds like from my point of view, Okay?”
“I’m listening,” Susan quietly replied.
“Maybe you had better get used to having a daughter. It sounds to me like you’ve had one all along and either didn’t see it or didn’t know it.”
Susan let her tears stream forth.
A minute later Marilyn spoke again, “Look, Susan, do you have a pen?”
“Yes,” she sniffled as she opened her purse to pull it out and something to write on with.
“Let me know when you are ready, dear.”
“I’m ready.”
“His name is Dr. Bernard Kingston. He is a psychologist, downtown in the new medical facility on Third Ave. He specializes in gender disorders. Here’s his number, 555-3270.”
“Thanks Marilyn, you’re a friend.”
“I’m looking forward to that lunch Susan. I really do want to hear all about this and maybe do whatever I can to help, if you would like it.”
“Thanks Marilyn, maybe you can help. And save next Wednesday, we will have that lunch.”
“Okay dear. Good Luck!”
“Thanks Marilyn. Bye.”
Susan disconnected the phone from her friend. A little less upset, but nonetheless distraught, she finished driving home. Once there, and having settled down in the kitchen, she dialed Dr. Kingston’s office.
“Doctor’s Kingston, Brown and Sheerer. How may I help you?”
“Hello. I’d like to make an appointment with Dr. Kingston, please” Susan said.
“Do you have a referral?”
“I was referred by one of his former patients, Marilyn Grant.”
“Oh Marilyn! How is she anyways?”
“She’s doing wonderfully and very successful by the way,” Susan said.
“How soon would you like to come in?”
“Is today too soon?”
“The doctor is very busy, but I think we can manage a consultation this afternoon, let’s say at four?”
“That will work for me.”
“Good. May I have your name?”
“Susan Collins.”
“And is this for you?”
“Heavens no! It’s for my son Lynn.”
“Could you tell me the nature of your concern?”
“Lynn thinks he’s a girl.”
“I see. Well you picked the right person to work with Ms. Collins. We’ll see you at four.”
The final bell rang and I walked down the hallway to my locker. I had a history assignment and had to collect my history book. I saw Mindy waiting there for me. We usually take the bus home together.
“Hey Mindy,” I non-chalantly replied.
“Lynn! Tell me what happened with your Mom and Miss Benson!” Mindy demanded excitedly.
“Nothing much really, except Mom let her know how she felt about all of this.”
“That isn’t everything girl. Spill!”
“Okay, okay. Mom was yelling at Benson. You should have seen the look on her face. She said it was Miss Benson’s fault, even though I feel it’s no one’s but mine. After it was over though, I really felt bad for Miss Benson.”
“God, I wish I was there.”
“Actually Mindy, I think you were better off not. My mother was saying things I don’t think you would have wanted to hear. I didn’t like hearing them either.”
I opened my locker and removed the book I needed. I relocked it and we walked out through the front doors of the school.
I saw Mom standing there at the entrance!
“Oops! Looks like my Mom has plans for me this afternoon,” I said.
“Maybe more shopping? You lucky girl,” Mindy giggled.
“I doubt that. She spent enough on me yesterday. I’ll call you tonight and let you know what’s going on.”
“Uhmm, Okay,” Mindy sadly said, feeling left out. “I’ll see ya.”
“Hi Mom.” I said.
“We have an appointment right now at four with Doctor Kingston. I was tied up at the office with a House sale I rushed through. I'm sorry I didn't get around to calling you. We need to leave now to make it on time.”
I started following her to our car.
“A doctor? Why do I need to see a doctor? Am I going to be examined?” I asked worriedly.
“No honey, he’s not that kind of doctor.”
“What kind is he?
I lowered myself into the car and shut the door. My Mother sat down and did the same.
“Well, you did that like a lady. I’m impressed. I never taught you or asked you to sit like that and yet you have done so without fail for days now.”
“Am I going to be getting some sort of shot? I’m not sick.”
“Lynn, dear, this doctor is a psychologist. He talks to people and determines what type of treatment they need. In this case — you. He specializes in gender disorders.”
“A shrink? Mother! I am not crazy! I know who I am, and I’m a girl!”
“Honey, calm down! No one said you’re crazy. Dr. Kingston will help you better understand what you’re going through and help you determine and decide who you really are, that’s all.”
I really felt betrayed by my mother! The more she spoke, the madder I was becoming!
To Be Continued...
Homecoming Princess (Revised) - Princess Found - Part 11
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Homecoming Princess (Revised)
Princess Found Part 11 By Arecee Edited and proofed by Sephrena Lynn Miller |
I didn’t expect that! Omigosh! That’s perfect!
“Would you?” I meekly asked.
“I’d love to, more than anything in the world!”
I had the school’s best looking boy wrapped around my finger! I realized right then the power that girls had over boys. It filled me with such a thrill, one I had never felt before! Here, me, plain old Lynn Collins, had someone begging to be with me! OMIGOSH! Mmmmmm! Delicious!
“Yes,” I softly replied, letting go of his hand. BUT only so I could hug him fiercely!!!!
I looked up into his strong commanding gaze and let myself slip into his power. I felt our lips meet and his arms wrapped around me too. He pulled me up close to him and I inhaled his scent in once again. It just felt so darn right!!!!
Pictures purchased and licensed royalty-free from www.istockphoto.com .
“Mother, no matter what he says, I will not ever go back to — being — a — boy!”
I was seriously upset! I mean… Omigod! It’s like she is trying to ram home that I shouldn’t be a girl! I leaned against the car door trying to get as far away from her as possible in the car seat. My displeasure really showed!
Mom turned her head towards me briefly, giving me a look of exasperation.
“Honey! He’s not going to make you into anything! This is just a preliminary session for him to see if he will take you on for a full psychological assessment of yourself.”
“I know what he’s going to say too: ‘You’re a boy, suck it up!’ ” I grumbled.
“Lynn, Marilyn wouldn’t have recommended him to me if he was the way you just described him. Please, for me, just give him a chance?”
I crossed my arms and pouted.
“Honey,” she said more frailly, her voice cracking, while she steered up onto the freeway, “You are my only child! You have no idea what you mean to me! What you are doing and going through is life changing! You cannot go back once you go through this process! In my mind, since I love you so much, Lynn, I need to be certain that you are certain of what you are about to do!”
I swallowed and looked back over to her.
“I…I..,” she stammered for a moment. “I lost your father be-because of his macho BS. He decided his self esteem and rushing to judgment before examining options was the only way. I won’t lose you too!”
I couldn’t keep my eyes from trying to water as I looked ahead at the traffic in front of us on the road, moving. I knew that my Mother was hurting deeply inside. I was the cause of it too. I had to know something else too.
“Mother?” I softly questioned.
“Yes sweetheart?” she replied while negotiating moving back over into the right lane to let other cars behind us pass on by.
“You are trying to help me?”
“Yes!” she quickly emphasized.
I then probed, “Are you going to let me be who I decide to be? Not force me to be something I’m not?”
My Mother stifled a laugh and I could see a few tears going down her cheeks.
“Lynn, honey, I will never force you to be anything! I want you to be who you want to be! I am going to admit this is very hard on me. I lost my son and got a daughter in exchange. I am here to support and protect you. All I am doing is doing what any responsible mother would do: protect her child! I am going to get a professional opinion about your thinking so that somehow, through all of the questioning this doctor is going to ask you, that you take a good hard look at yourself and make sure that being a female is what you really want in life. And I want to hear what he thinks about you in the end.”
“By doing what you want to go through, you know, you won’t be able to have any of your own children. That option will be removed from you, forever. You can adopt, but you won’t be able to go through what most natural born women do in having a baby. That just is not possible yet.”
Hmmm… I thought about that for a moment. It was slightly spooky to think about in a way. I mean, I never thought about having my own children. Did I really even want my own child? Hmmmm… Mom just gave me something new to think about this. I released my arms into my lap and sat up more straight.
“Ok Mom. I’ll try. I promise you… I will try.”
“Thank you sweety. That’s all I have ever asked of you.”
My Mother smiled for the first time today since earlier this morning.
We arrived at Dr. Kingston’s office. It was located in an airy two-story building with and atrium in the center. There was a waterfall and a small stream running from one end to the other. The stream was bordered with trees and flowery bushes. This wasn’t anything like my other doctor’s office - you know, the one in a sterile box?
We opened the door to his office and entered the reception area. It was as nice as the atrium. The walls were painted a warm beige color. There were pictures everywhere, of ballerinas, flowers and happy nature scenes. There were live plants in all the corners of the room. It was peaceful in here. Mom walked to the reception window and rang a bell.
The attendant returned and asked, “May I help you?”
“Yes, we have an appointment with Dr. Kingston for Lynn Collins,” Mom replied as she sat her purse up on the counter.
“Dr. Kingston will be with you in a few minutes. He’s just finishing with another patient. Here are the forms that need to be filled out,” the receptionist said as she handed my Mother a clipboard with a few papers attached.
Mom and I went over and sat down on a light brown sofa to wait. She was hurriedly filling in the papers while I grabbed a fashion magazine from the end table beside me. I started flipping through the pages and began to really enjoy looking through it. The girls posing in its pages had different hairstyles and clothes that I really liked. I found myself wishing I could wear some of those dresses that showed off my arms and legs. God! I could just see myself in some of those! Mmmmmmm!
My mother turned in the clipboard and returned to sit back down with me. A few minutes more passed before the interior door opened and a man around six feet tall entered the room.
“Ms. Collins? I’m Dr. Kingston,” he said, and extended a hand to my mother.
“I’m pleased to meet you,” Mom said, as she took his hand in hers.
“I understand one of my former patients recommended me for a consultation, Marilyn Grant?” he asked.
“Yes, she did.”
“How do you know Marilyn?”
“We work together.”
“I see. Let’s step in to my office and I’ll see if there is anything I can do to help your situation.”
Fudge! I had to put down that wonderful magazine and go towards my doom!
We followed Dr. Kingston back to his office. It was a little darker than the reception area, but it still felt peaceful.
“Please be seated,” he said motioning toward two chairs as he shut his door to the office. “What brings you here today? I assume this is your daughter,” he said.
“Doctor, this is Lynn, my child, and she wants to change her sex,” Mom blurted out without thinking. “This whole thing is confusing for me and is very stressful. I just don’t know what to do!”
“Well, maybe we can sort this thing out, Ms. Collins. First though, Lynn, I have to ask you — ‘Why would a pretty girl like you want to be a boy?’ ”
I had been sitting there, minding my own business, figuring that Mom and the doctor would do all the talking. My attention had been drawn to one of those desk fountains, you know the ones that gurgle softly and never seem to run out of water. When the doctor asked me that question I nearly fell out of my chair.
“Y-y-yo-you think I want to be a boy?” I stammered incredulously.
I got a little defensive right there.
“Umm, Dr. Kingston, I am a boy! I want to be a girl!”
The doctor’s expression changed and it seemed like his face got all flustered and he readjusted himself in his seat. After recomposing himself, from what I assumed was embarrassment on his part, he said.
“I’m very sorry about that Lynn. It’s not very often that a patient fools me, but you certainly fooled me today! My, my! Are you sure Marilyn isn’t playing some kind of prank on me?” he asked, with a chuckle.
“No Doctor. This is no prank - even though all of this started out as one,” Mom replied rather angrily.
I really felt uncomfortable now.
“No offence meant Ms. Collins, but knowing Marilyn as I do, she was a special woman, and funny to boot. Ok Lynn, How about you tell me a little bit about this situation your mother is describing. I’d like to know more about the person I’m going to treat.”
“There’s nothing much really to tell. I’m a fourteen year old girl,” I snapped, “and I know who I am!”
“Lynn! You promised to cooperate. And no one has said or even thinks that you’re crazy,” Mom fired back.
“I’m here aren’t I?”
“Lynn, I’m not that kind of Doctor. I don’t let the crazies come around in here. They’re too much work!” Dr. Kingston laughed.
“Then why am I here?” I asked.
“Well, I suppose because your mother made an appointment and you were referred to me by Marilyn, one of my star patients. Has your mother told you about her?”
“Yes,” I said.
I started pouting again. I really couldn’t bring myself to admit that I needed help with my transition.
“Good. Now look Lynn, we aren’t going to do anything today with regards to your file. I just wanted to get to know you a little better before I decide whether or not to take on your case. From what I can see you’re very defensive about me, or what I do here. What do you think is going to happen if you start to see me?” he asked.
“You’re going to try and make me go back to being a boy,” I grumbled.
“Goodness, who told you that?”
“No one,” I pouted.
I don’t know why, but I was scared. It’s like my life was going to be decided by someone who didn’t even really know me! I know Mom promised to let me decide, but, being here, in this office, with a shrink, scared me!
“Well next time you see No one, you can tell him from me, that I’m not like that. What I do Lynn is help you find your way down a path. You’ll decide what path you want to travel, and I help you to get to where it leads you. The thing though, is that every path has other paths leading off of it and we’ll explore those too. What you’ll do is travel each path to find who you really are. You’ll be the one to decide that.”
“Do you promise not to make be go back to being a boy?”
“I promise! I only help you to find your real self, whatever that may be, and help you understand what you are trying to do. And from the looks of things, I doubt you’ll be finding a boy under that makeup. I certainly don’t see one. So, would you like to see me again?”
“I guess so.”
“Good. I’ll have my assistant block out an hour twice a week for the next two months. By then we should have a pretty good idea as to who Lynn Collins is. Do you have any questions Mrs. Collins?”
“Just one. How much is this going to cost?”
“I’ll have my assistant give you a fee schedule. If there’s a problem with it, I’m sure we can work something out. Lynn’s health and future is too important to worry about fees.”
My mother added, “I do know a certain someone who will certainly be paying your bill, Doctor Kingston. And, Thank you.”
Doctor Kingston appeared puzzled at my Mom’s statement. But I certainly knew who she meant — Miss Benson.
“I’d like to start seeing you Lynn, tomorrow, if that’s not too soon?”
I relented, “That’s fine with me sir.”
“Good! That way you’ll have me on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Is four-thirty okay Ms. Collins?” Doctor Kingston turned to my Mother.
“That will work fine. I don’t want her to miss school.”
“Good! I’ll see you tomorrow Lynn. And please, there is no need to be afraid.”
I sort of looked more demure and apologetic. I guess, maybe, I had been wrong about him?
“Thank you Doctor. I’m sorry for… earlier. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Mom and I left the office and returned to our car. Mom backed up and then pulled out from the parking lot onto the street before we talked.
“Well sweetheart, that wasn’t so bad was it?”
“No Mom, it wasn’t. I’m sorry too. I was scared.”
“I’d be more worried if you weren’t! What do you think of Dr. Kingston?” she asked.
“He’s okay, I guess,” I replied.
“You like him, don’t you?” Mom asked.
“He seems nice,” I answered guardedly.
My Mother turned left at the light and was heading back towards the freeway ramp.
“Come on Lynn! You have to admit Marilyn’s choice of a doctor could have been a lot worse,” Mom emphasized.
I knew I was losing this argument. I really didn’t want to see anyone about being a girl. I just wanted to be left alone. It was no one else’s business what my thoughts were. I’m already a girl as far as I’m concerned. So why discuss it?
I sat in silence for several minutes pondering over what Mom had just said. I wondered why I was being so stubborn about this? Was I really afraid that Dr. Kingston might find that I was really a boy and that I was fooling myself about being a girl? Was I really old enough to know who I was? Dr. Kingston seemed nice enough, and he said he wouldn’t make me be a boy. Mom said she would let me decide who I wanted to be too. I guess I’ll trust him for now, and besides, what harm could come from talking to him?
“You know what Mother? You are right. I’ll see him, and he really doesn’t seem that bad a person either.”
“Good girl.”
I felt a pang of guilt.
“I guess I owe you an apology too. I’m sorry Mother.” I gently squeezed her right arm and leaned into her a little on her side. “I’ll make it up to you tonight too. Dinner and cleaning up the living room?”
My Mother smiled. “Deal.”
I called Mindy the moment I got home. Mom went into the living room.
“Hello?” Mindy asked, as she picked up the phone.
“Hi Min. It’s me.”
“Lynn! What happened?”
“I saw a shrink today, he seems to be nice.”
“You did?” she asked in that excited way, asking me to spill it all. I could just imagine her ear glued to the handset of her phone.
“Yep. Mom wants a professional opinion on whether I know if I’m really a girl or not.”
“Geez Lynn! If that isn’t obvious by now, it never will be!” she giggled.
“Mom also seems to be getting better about me. She seems to be more upset by how I became a girl, not that I am one.”
“Great! Oooooh yeah! Guess who called me today?”
I puckered my lips, thinking.
“I give. I don’t know. Who?”
“Charlie!!!!! And do you want to know why?” Mindy giggled.
“Why?”
“He said that Rex wants to see you again!”
“Rex… wants to see… me?” I gulped.
“You silly girl! Of course he does! Who wouldn’t want to be seen with a Princess?” Mindy laughed.
“You know I’m not allowed to date yet,” I reminded her, “Not even as a boy.”
“I know that. But it wouldn’t hurt to in-no-cently happen to run into the boys at the mall while we shop, now would it? You know… just by accident?” Mindy giggled nervously.
“You’re not supposed to be dating either are you?” I replied, hoping she would take the tact I was hinting at.
“You know I’m not! That’s exactly why it’s so much more exciting when we do!!!”
Oh no!
“I don’t know Mindy… what if we get… caught?”
“We won’t! If the boys take us to see one of those scary films, you know the kind your mother nor would my parents would ever go see?, we’d be fine. Think about it, Ok? Rex really does likes you.”
Fudge!
“I like him too Min, but… *sigh* I like Jason also.”
“Jason’s too old for you!” Mindy snickered.
“But he’s so cute! And his kisses make me melt!”
“Kisses? I thought he only gave you a tiny goodnight kiss?” she asked, realizing that more had gone on than she had originally been told.
I felt myself go red.
“Umm, yeah! That’s what I meant,” I quickly stated, trying to hide what actually went on.
“No you didn’t! Lynn Collins! Now spill!”
“Okay,” I almost shouted.
Mindy sure can be irritating about knowing every last detail to something!
I lowered my voice not wanting my mother to hear. “He like kissed me more than once. It was alllll night long! Oh Mindy, I started to pass out several times from his lips and touch! He was magical!”
“Woah! Was he better than Rex?”
“God yes!!! I could let Jason take me into his arms and… and...” I sighed.
“I hate to pop your bubble girlfriend! But I doubt you’ll be dating Jason any time soon! So you might as well come back down to Earth and get used to Rex’s sexy lips,” Mindy laughed.
Why did she have to go and ruin my fantasy? Geez.
“I guess I’ll have to. I have to go fix dinner. I’ll see you tomorrow at school.”
School was pretty much the same thing again: guys hitting on me and me joining other girls socially. I was finally starting to gather a large group of friends, but none that I would call close enough to share my secrets with. I did that only with Mindy. Not the boy thing either - but my feelings for Jason and Rex. Maybe when I get to know them better I will, but not right now.
Mom picked me up after school and drove me back over to Dr. Kingston’s office. I didn’t have to wait to see him so I was ushered directly into his office. He had requested my Mother to wait out in the lobby. It seems he wanted to talk only with me for now.
“Good afternoon, Lynn. How was your day?” he asked.
“Hi, Dr. Kingston. It went okay,” I replied.
“No bad things? Everything went fine?”
“Yes sir.”
“Good. Before we start, I want to lay down a few ground rules first. When you come here, I’ll ask you how your day went. I’m not trying to pry into your life, but what you tell me will give me some feel for your answers as we travel down the path that I told you about. I want you to be truthful with me and you need to know that none of this will pass beyond these walls, not even to your mother. The only thing I will tell her is whether I think you’re a boy or girl and why at the end of all of our sessions. That’s all. I want you to feel safe here, because it’s your place to be whoever you want to be. It’s important that I have your trust and you to be truthful in order to be able to analyze you’re your thoughts and help you decide where you want to go. Are you okay with that?” he asked.
“Umm, I guess so,” I answered.
“That’s all I can hope for. Remember, Lynn, trust is the most important part of your discovery. It might take a while, but you’ll eventually trust me. Now, I have to learn a little more about you. All I’m going to do today is learn about Lynn Collins. All the easy things, like how old you are and who you live with, what you like and dislike; stuff like that.”
“Okay,” I tried cheering myself up as I looked at him.
“Good. Let’s start with how old you are?”
“I’m fourteen.”
“Have you been fourteen for very long?”
“No, my birthday is August Twenty-ninth.”
“I see. I’ve met your mom, how about your dad? Does he live with you?”
I felt uncomfortable with that question, and it was only the second one. Dad is a real sore spot for me! I couldn’t answer that one because there was so much negativity about that. If things were going to be like this, I’ll tell Mom to find me someone else!
“No,” I bitterly answered.
“I’m very sorry Lynn. I’m not trying to upset you at all. I need to know these basic things about you. If you don’t want to answer a question, you don’t have to. Okay? Only answer what you feel comfortable with.”
Well, I guess he does in a way need to know. I’ll only stick to the ones I feel okay with.
“Okay. My dad left us when I was a little boy.”
“I see. Do you and your mother get along okay?”
“Oh yes! I love her very much,” I gushed.
“And why’s that?”
“Because she’s always there for me! Even now, with this,” I said, as I moved my hands up and down in front of my body.
“So your mom is very supportive of you?”
“Yes sir.”
“Do you have many friends?”
“Before this, no. Not really. I have made a lot of friends, though, since winning Homecoming Princess. Mindy’s been my best friend throughout most of my life.”
“Did you have any boys for friends before you became a girl?”
“No, not really. I talked to a few occasionally, but they weren’t real friends.”
“So Mindy’s been your only friend all this time?”
“I guess.”
“Why didn’t you have any boys for friends?”
“I don’t know. I never felt comfortable with them. It seemed like I was sort of like alien to them. I wasn’t one of them. I sort of stayed away from them. I was more comfortable being around girls, well, Mindy that is. I always liked to hang out with her.”
“Do you like any sports?”
“I like water polo. I was on the school team before I was voted Princess.”
“What happened?”
“I got kicked off after I won. The coach thought I was a girl, pretending to be a boy, swimming without a top on.”
Doctor Kingston tried to suppress his laugh.
“My word! I can see where that might be a problem! How do your other classmates view you at school? Are you liked or disliked?”
This was easy.
“Well sir. Everybody seemed to think I had been a girl all along, trying to be a boy. I wasn’t noticed much before this — prank. Afterwards, and dressing as a girl, I do have a lot friends. I’d say almost everyone likes me.”
“Is there anything that you like or dislike?”
“Like what?”
“You know, dancing or some type of food, maybe just everyday things?”
“Umm, I don’t like liver — yuk! And I don’t like okra either, because it’s slimy. I love to dance, and I love to shop,” I blushed.
“What girl doesn’t?”
And so it went, question after question. I found that I was becoming more at ease with Dr. Kingston. I felt as though I was talking to a friend.
“Well, that’s all for today, Lynn. I’ll see you Thursday, and remember what I said, about trust.”
“I will Doctor,” I grinned with my biggest smile.
Mom was waiting for me in the reception area.
“Well, how did it go?” she asked.
“It went great. Dr. Kingston is really nice,” I replied.
“See? Didn’t I tell you that Marilyn wouldn’t steer us wrong?”
“Yeah, it seems I had been wrong.”
Mom eyed me as she sat up from the couch.
“And Mother? Thank you soooo much!”
“For what?” she pried as she slid her purse up on her shoulder.
“For putting up with me,” I guiltily admitted.
Mom just hugged me. “You better believe it daughter of mine! It’s called love.”
I hugged her back.
Everything seemed to be going just right! And yes, I love my Mom!
We exited the building and headed to our parked car.
Wednesday started like any other day at school. I was feeling sassy and wore a skirt and blouse with my new heels. I had to admit that I did look great! Even Mr. Copeland couldn’t help but comment on how nicely I had dressed. I blushed from all the comments he and everyone else gave to me all day long. Why hadn’t I been a girl so much sooner? I feel so alive now and actually enjoy life and being in it!
I joined Mindy and some other girls at a table in the cafeteria to eat lunch. We had been there for only about five minutes before I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned and almost fell off the bench.
OMIGOSH!
“Hi Lynn. May I sit here with you?” Jason asked.
Oh my God! Oh my God! Jason wants to sit next to me at school!!!!!
I started shaking.
“S-s-su-sure,” I answered a little dreamily as I scooted over a little bit to let him sit down and his lunch tray beside me.
“You look really nice today,” he complimented me as he took a bite of his chicken fried steak.
“I do?”
“Are you kidding? Lynn, you are, by far, the most beautiful girl in this school!”
EEEEEP? …
“I am?”
“Yes! I wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true,” he managed to say before scooping a mouthful of mashed potatoes.
Oh Snap! Is he such a gorgeous boy! I know I’m in love with him now!
At this point Mindy kicked my leg underneath the table. I had just been sitting there and staring at Jason. So far, my conversation had consisted of four small sentences, mostly answering. I don’t know how I do it, but somehow I have the knack of charming the heck out of this handsome boy, I so obviously liked!
All of my girl friends eyes were turned toward Jason and me, ears perked, to see what brilliant remark I might utter next! To make things worse, I was blushing furiously at this point.
“Umm, thank you so much… Jason. For bringing me home, you know, after the dance?” I managed to finally say.
“It was actually all my pleasure. I couldn’t leave a damsel in distress, now could I?” he smiled. I swear his eyes actually twinkled at me in the sunlight streaming through the windows onto our table!
My stomach felt as though it was filled with butterflies!!!!!!
How could a guy have such an effect on me?????
I’m just a fourteen year old girl!
Oh wait!
Duuuuhhh!
That was the key!
I’m a girl!
Wanting to be with a boy is as natural and as old as time itself.
“No, I suppose you couldn’t,” I giggled, nervously.
“Would you like to take a walk?” he asked, having finished his lunch in like 3 minutes. I had barely touched my spaghetti, much less the Caesar salad I had picked out.
I looked at Mindy and the rest of the girls. They were hanging on every word we had been saying and waited anxiously to hear my answer.
Of course I want to!
“I’d love to!” I anxiously blurted along with my biggest smile. Oh god! I said that like I was too eager! Snap! Now they all know I love him!
Jason took my hand and helped me up from the table. He’s such a gentleman! Wow! I noticed much to my excitement that he didn’t let go of it; in fact he intertwined his fingers within mine as he led me away from our table and out of the cafeteria. My heart was beating so loudly that I was surprised the whole school didn’t notice!!!!
Jason led me to a bench in front of the school.
“Let’s sit,” he said. Noppers! He didn’t let go of my hand!
“Okay,” I responded in all my great wisdom.
He sat next to me and then turned to face me. The soft breeze was caressing my face and my hair was being gently pulled back by the breeze. The sun was warming me all over. At least I think it was the sun, but maybe it was something… else?
“Lynn, I hope you don’t mind me saying this. But, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since the dance,” he admitted.
WOW! I haven’t been able to either!
“Jason,” I sighed and was about to continue about how I felt, but Jason interrupted me.
“I know your mom won’t let you date, but maybe if she met me? She might change her mind?”
I really didn’t know what to say. Jason was making my life so confusing!!! I took my other hand and placed it overtop of the one he was holding my other hand with. I raised it and clutched our hands to my chest, hugging it for all it was worth!
I wanted so badly to see Jason again!!!! But HOW???
‘Mom, would it be all right if I went out with the most gorgeous boy in school? Never mind that he’s three years older than me and he doesn’t know the truth about me. Can’t you just forget about that sixteen year old rule, Please? Prettttyyy pllleeeaaaase?’
Yeah, like that’s really going to happen.
I felt like crying. Life is so unfair.
“Jason, I wish I could, but I know my mother… and I know… what she’ll say,” I responded sadly.
“Could I at least drive you home from school today?” he asked expectantly.
I didn’t expect that! Omigosh! That’s perfect!
“Would you?” I meekly asked.
“I’d love to, more than anything in the world!”
I had the school’s best looking boy wrapped around my finger! I realized right then the power that girls had over boys. It filled me with such a thrill, one I had never felt before! Here, me, plain old Lynn Collins, had someone begging to be with me! OMIGOSH! Mmmmmm! Delicious!
“Yes,” I softly replied, letting go of his hand. BUT only so I could hug him fiercely!!!!
I looked up into his strong commanding gaze and let myself slip into his power. I felt our lips meet and his arms wrapped around me too. He pulled me up close to him and I inhaled his scent in once again. It just felt so darn right!!!!
Our tongues intertwined! His tongue tasted like a sweet candy to me!
OOoooooo! I melted!
I don’t know how long we stood there kissing and holding onto each other, swaying against the breeze, but the warning bell rang.
Fudge! Fudge! Fudge!
Jason took my hand again and walked me back into the school building.
“I’ll meet you here at three-thirty,” he eagerly said.
COOL!
“Okay” I smiled as I reluctantly had to let go of his hand.
I walked towards my locker and, then on impulse, turned back around to see Jason before I went around the corner in the hallway. He had been watching me the entire time!!!! Omigosh! I got a warm squishy feeling in my stomach! I smiled and gave him a small wave as I walked on and disappeared around the corner.
Mindy was waiting next to my locker when I got there.
“Oh my God! LYNN tell me everything! I can’t believe it! Jason Carlson. Oooooooo, I’m so jealous!!!!” she pouted.
“Where do I start?” I dreamily teased her, “He’s so cute. He makes my whole body sing. AND he’s going to drive me home after school!!!! Is that okay with you?”
“Are you kidding? If Jason asked me I’d be hanging onto his leg,” she laughed.
“Then you’re not mad that I’m going with him?”
“You’d be a fool not to girl. But remember Rex this weekend.”
“Yeah.”
Mindy merely shook her head as she went on over to her locker.
I opened my locker and took the books I needed for my last two classes of the day. I could barely think of anything else other than Jason.
Three-thirty came and I ran down the hallways to meet him. He was all smiles when he saw me running, my skirt molding to my legs. He took my hand into his and led me over to his car. I remembered his car from the other night! It was a Honda Civic. Jason opened the door for me and held my hand while I sat down in the seat, smoothing my skirt before actually sitting. I turned my legs in as he shut the door.
I noticed that my skirt had ridden up my legs several inches above my knee. I pondered whether or not I should pull it back down and decided that my mother would have a fit if I didn’t. I pulled it down almost to my knee!
I know it was a compromise, but a girl has to do what a girl has to do.
Jason had walked around the car and climbed inside.
“Do you have time for a Coke?” he asked.
“Sure,” I answered.
“I’m really glad you decided that I could drive you home with me,” Jason lovingly said.
“Thank you for asking me. I really wanted you to as well.” I responded.
“I know I told you this already, but I haven’t stopped thinking about you since Saturday,” he said reaching across the console to take my hand again.
I was like a deer frozen in a headlight! I was his!
I slid as close to Jason as the consul would allow.
“I’ve thought about you too,” I responded. Boy, did I ever!!!!!!!!!!!
“I can’t believe you’re only a freshman. You seem so much older.”
“Do I really?”
“I thought you were at least a junior.”
I was blushing furiously. I wasn’t used to nice things being said about me, and yes I was reacting like any fourteen-year-old girl would!
“I really feel older when I’m with you,” I gushed.
“That’s why I want your Mother to meet me, do you think she will?”
“I’m sorry Jason, but my Mom would have a fit.”
“Well,” he conceded, but still with a great smile, “at least I tried.”
We reached the hamburger stand and Jason went to buy us our Cokes. Jason returned and handed me my drink.
“Do you have Copeland?” he asked.
“Yes, how did you know?”
“Everybody has Copeland. I think its part of becoming a person. I had Copeland and my mother had Copeland. The only reason my dad didn’t is because he’s not from here,” Jason laughed.
“Has he been around for that long?” I asked. I started to think like maybe he was some sort of lab experiment from the fifties that survived that long and was like an undead thing still roaming the school.
“I heard a rumor that his mother had him here instead of the hospital,” he laughed.
“Snap! No wonder he’s so old!” I giggled.
“Who else do you have?” he asked.
“After Copeland, I have Mason, then Hotchkins, and after lunch - Keatman, and Peters.”
“I had Hotchkins last year. She’s a really good Math teacher. You must be taking Algebra.”
“Yes, what did you have her for?”
“Advanced Algebra. I wish I had her for Trig, but I ended up with Curling. He’s a jerk. At least with Hotchkins, she’ll help you after class, but Curling tells you what page to find your solution on and walks away.”
“God, that’s awful!”
“Everyone has a jerk teacher. Who’s yours?” he asked.
“Definitely Mason. She’s always yelling at someone. And any little thing I do, she seems to target me. She has sort of calmed down since I — well, started dressing nicer.”
“Is she new? I never had her.”
“She transferred here this year from some school back east. Someone said she taught at one of those schools where half the girls are pregnant,” I laughed.
“What about you? Are you going to go to college?”
“I hope so. I’m trying for a scholarship so I won’t be a burden on my Mother.”
“That takes straight A’s and involvement in school activities to do.”
“Mmmmm hmmm! Im a 3.9 GPA and with my extra credit class I signed up for after Christmas, I’m hoping to make a 4.0.”
Jason put down his drink and took my hand back into his… finally!
“I’m still really trying to get used to being in high school,” I more softly said, reveling in the feel of his hand caressing mine.
“Hey, you know they’re having tryouts for the school play next week. We could try out together, and then I’d have an excuse to drive you home everyday after rehearsal.”
“But my Mom…” I weakly whined.
“It wouldn’t really be a date. We could just drive really slow on the way home.”
Didn’t I tell you he had such cool logic?
I couldn’t help but giggle at that and imagining being in the car with him! I gently squeezed his hand.
Jason has nearly won my heart! And I don’t know what to do about it. *sigh* I shouldn’t even be here, but God! I think I actually love him!
“We should be going now. My Mom will be home soon and I don’t want to be in trouble,” I reluctantly pleaded with him.
“Okay, let’s get you home,” he gentlemanly replied as he helped me up from the chair.
I loved my hand being held by this man!
Jason drove right up to my house and shut the engine off.
“Thank you for the ride,” I grinned.
“You’re more than welcome. Can I give you a ride tomorrow?”
“No, my mom’s picking me up for an appointment. Maybe Friday though?”
“That’s cool! Would it be okay if I kissed you goodbye?”
I didn’t have to think twice about that! I leaned over right in front of his face.
“Oh yes!”
Jason pulled my mouth to his and we touched lips. My body turned to jelly with his touch! If this is what love is, then I’m definitely in love! Our lips parted and then Jason kissed me again, only this time, much longer!
“I should be going in,” I panted, when our lips parted again. Oh Wow! This is like so unreal! I feel fantastic!
“Yes, I think so. I do not want to get you in trouble at all.”
Always the gentleman!
Jason walked around the car and opened my door. He held my hand again and helped me from the car. Jason’s arm went around my waist as he walked me to the door.
“I had a really great time with you today, Lynn,” he beamed with pride.
“Me too,” I squeaked.
I removed my house key from my purse and inserted it into the door lock.
“Thank you so much! I had a wonderful afternoon!” I breathed.
“You’re most welcome Lynn,” he replied.
He then lowered his head down to mine and kissed me again.
To Be Continued...
Homecoming Princess (Revised) - Princess Found - Part 12
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Princess Found Part 12 By Arecee Edited and proofed by Sephrena Lynn Miller
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I turned to face her and sat up, still sniffling. “Lisa, you want to know why I dressed as I did? I had an abusive father when I was little. Much of what he did to me scarred me mentally. I dressed like a boy because he wanted me to be more like his son. Even after he left my Mom and me, I still couldn’t break out of that mindset. I continued to dress like that so people could like leave me alone. I joked around a lot, you know? I tried to give a reason for my even being here in school. I studied and poured myself into books so I could ignore other people. I got good grades for being so attentive to the textbooks. I ignored everyone else!”
“And you know what? I hated it!”
Pictures purchased and licensed royalty-free from www.istockphoto.com .
I watched dreamily as Jason walked back to his car. Every few moments he turned around to glance back at me, flashing his smile.
Omigosh! Butterflies tingled warmly in my lower stomach. I felt like I was riding on a high! Little dots of light swam throughout my vision as I was trying to comprehend why I felt this way. This was intense! I mean I literally was feeling different - like I needed him! Is this what love truly feels like? In my mind, I was comparing my making out with Rex in the theater to my few times with Jason, including at the Homecoming. Those two experiences were very different altogether in how they made me feel.
In the theater, I wasn’t quite sure of myself as to really being a girl or not, and the naughtiness of the entire thing just to see how a boy made me feel without being caught sort of intensified how that evening made me feel. And, well, I sort of purposefully did it to freak Mindy out as well. After all, she deserved to be made to feel that way after how much she pressured me that day and put me into that situation in the first place! But I found that I immensely enjoyed that moment with Rex in the theater!
*sigh* I’m sorry. Mindy’s my best friend and I shouldn’t think this way about her. I love her to pieces, even though, between the both of us, she is more of a prankster than I am. She loves to dare things and skirt trouble. And me, well, I stick with my friend.
Rex was good, but Jason… he was definitely a lot better! I’m going to have to talk about this with some of my friends and find out just what this is I’m feeling about Jason. It’s driving me crazy in a way!
It was then, that I noticed Jason was waving to me as he drove off.
Where did the time fly to?
Still feeling light-headed and thinking about Jason, I put my key into the doorknob of our front door and then opened it. After shutting the door, and without taking my sweater off, or handbag, I made my way over to the sofa and just sank into its blissful comfortableness and let my mind drift.
Sometime throughout my dreaming, I had heard the front door open, and oblivious to the noise, my mind drifted back to Jason holding me in his arms, sweetly surrendering myself to him again.
“Lynn?”
I blinked my eyes open, startled, and saw my mother sitting on the sofa beside me. She had already taken her jacket off and set her purse and handbag down.
“Are you feeling alright sweety?”
Ummmm. I don’t know? Really, I feel weird. But I can’t talk to Mom about this yet either. It would only cause her more grief. And I think I caused enough of that for her for a long time to come.
“I’m sorry Mother. I just have been a bit moody all day and been doing a lot of thinking about everything. That… and well… I’m tired.”
My Mom’s expression changed to a more quizzical look.
“Thinking of not being a girl anymore?”
Oh Please!
“Mother! You are stuck forever with me as your daughter.” I looked at her seriously. I was slightly offended she would even say such a thing after all that we had been through.
My mother rolled her eyes. “Darn, there goes my chance of getting my son back. Come to think of it, I seem to have forgotten what he looks like…”
I knew right away she had been teasing me! I play hit her arm and just rolled into leaning against her and then falling into her lap. I had my head in her lap and my Mother had one arm cradling my head and the other, she was pulling my hair from my face.
I looked up into her eyes after she had pulled my hair away.
I giggled.
“You are my precious baby, Lynn. Don’t you ever forget that,” she emphasized as she squeezed my hand.
“I know Mommy. I never thought my life would change like this.”
She grinned. “Life is all about change. Things we like one day, we find other things we like more the next. Growing up, learning, and exploring things. But you sweetheart, you are going through something I can’t even imagine. I’m dealing with this the best that I can. And sometimes, it’s a little rough. One day you were my son, to me, and the next, the most beautiful daughter a mother could ever want. You have no idea what has been going through my mind ever since I saw you laying here on this couch that night.”
I was curious and wanted to know. “Please Mom. Tell me?”
I snuggled to rest my head into a better position in her lap, staring up at her, waiting.
“Well, when I first saw you, I thought you were the most wonderful girlfriend you could have ever found for yourself as a boy. Sweet, classy, very proper. It’s such a shame I can’t ever seem to get the two of you to meet.”
We both snickered at the same time, giggling at that image.
“But seriously,” she continued, “I have done some thinking, and after having listened to you, and others, I found that perhaps I had failed you as a Mother.”
What?
“How did you fail me Mom?”
“I spent so much time at work trying to support us both, that I had totally overlooked your needs and wants. I feel really awful inside.”
My Mother's eyes moistened.
“I missed my daughter growing up right in front of my eyes!”
Oh…
My Mother hugged me and I just had to hug her back.
“Mommy, you are not at fault! I had to hide because I didn’t know better! I didn’t know that what I was inside was a girl. I didn’t even know what to call it. I just knew I was different and that something was wrong with me. I wasn’t really open to talking with others about it until you caught me.”
My Mother pulled away and looked me right in the eyes.
“You know you could have talked to me about it, and we could have worked it out. You didn’t need to hide it from me.”
I had to think carefully here. This was a touchy subject!
“Mom. I wasn’t able to talk to you about it back then. You know how Dad… well the man that was supposed to be my father, was towards me. I never liked how he tried to force me to do everything he wanted and wouldn’t let me do things that I liked. I tried hard to please him, and you. But I felt trapped, caged, and withdrawn because he always made me feel like such a failure. And you… were too busy arguing with him. He made our life so difficult…”
I paused.
“Mother, I was too busy worried about why I felt different and was trying to find ways to cope. You had enough problems of your own with just… him! I didn’t want to bother you with my problems either, even after he left.”
My mother pulled me in close to her in a loving hug.
“That was my fault baby. Mine. I should have paid more attention to you. I was working as hard as I had to save for your college fund and provide us with what we have.”
She sniffled and then bravely said, “We can both agree he wasn’t much of a father. But despite all of his shortcomings and how he was, he did give me the best gift in my entire life — You!”
I hugged her again.
“I’m so glad that he blessed me with you. And I’m glad, in this most weird and wonderful way, to actually be given a second chance to raise you. And I’m not going to miss out on it this time! I want you to understand I’m here to guide you through life and help you to make the right decisions. I want us to be open with each other and for you to feel free to discuss things with me.”
I grinned as I stared up into her face, “I think you are doing a great job so far Mother.”
“I hope so!” she tickled me. “I’d hate to think I’m raising my daughter the wrong way.”
I had to wait for my giggling to stop. I know I had been getting much closer to her in our Mother-Daughter relationship during the past week, but I think, just now, this broke through the ice! We have never spent a moment together like this before! She certainly is more open with me now as her daughter than when I had been her son. Whatever the reason, I like her more this way now than before I openly admitted I was a girl to her. I respect her even more now.
I lay there savoring the moment. I felt like we were now the best of friends, just like I am with Mindy. Talk about heavy! This just felt so good to be this way and open with her. I still have to wait and do some talking around with my other friends before I land the bombshell on her about boys in general, my liking and want to explore them, Aaaaaaannnnd Jason, to be specific!
And now was not that time.
Why was life so complicated?
Sometime, while I had lain there, my Mother had turned the television on with the volume on low. I must have dozed off again!
“How long was I asleep Mom?” I stretched my arms as I looked up at her.
“Only an hour and a half. You looked so comfortable laying there, I let you sleep where you were. As the mother of a teenage daughter, I know I won’t get many moments like that. So I have to enjoy them as they come.”
I smiled at her as I leaned over and sat back up, freeing her lap from the weight of my body.
My Mom suggested, “If you feel up to it, why don’t you change out of your school clothes and help me make us dinner: angel hair noodles in alfredo sauce and a small salad sound good?”
“Mmmm! Yepperoies!”
I stretched again and stood up. My Mother gave me a peck on my cheek as she went on into her room to change clothes. Yeah, I need to change mine too!
I went to my room, and changed out of my blouse and skirt, and put on my short cut off jeans and a blue t-shirt. Hmmph! Even now, there was still no trace of my looking like a boy
Curious, I pulled my hair back and held it back and down.
Even with the sort of thin-hair/bald look, my face and head was most definitely like a girl’s. It just amazes me how I had managed to get through life with a minimal of teasing and yet having people not mention to me that I looked like a girl until I actually put girl clothes on. I mean, come on! I can see that I looked like a girl, even back as far as maybe two to four years, I think? My head is small. My body is very delicate — too thin and delicate for being a boy compared to all the other boys I see in school!
Was my grunge look the only thing that kept anyone from saying anything?
And Mindy. She knew before I did that I was a girl too. I have to imagine in some mysterious way that she was fated to uncover who I really was. And even though I am not fully a girl, well, down there, people for the most part accept me as one at face value.
My life was really strange.
I shook my hair and combed it down some as I stared at my image in my dresser mirror.
Being a boy really sucked! The way that I felt now and was allowed to be is what I had been wanting to do all of my life. Repressing it… hurt. I’d rather be the one in a boy’s arms, being held, and cared for any day of the week! Being a girl is just sooo right!
If I was a boy, in a boy’s arm’s….
EEeewww!
I shook my head and set my comb down.
I’m just not going to go there with that thought!
I’m just glad that I’m a girl!
I entered the kitchen to see Mom boiling the water for the noodles and had the vegetables sitting out on the table along with the cutting board, knife, and a small… present?
“What can I do to help?”
“Oooh,” she started, “I think you can start by opening that little gift I laid out on the table for you.”
Excitedly, I sat down in my chair and picked up the little white box with a rose red ribbon and bow tying it closed. I gently shook it. Well, it is heavier than jewelry! Hmmmm.
In the past, I would normally have ripped the outer wrapping off and tore open the box. But this time was different. The way I felt inside was to preserve the ribbon and bow. I couldn’t explain why I felt that way, just that I did.
I felt my Mother lean next to me as I gently pulled the bow off and then tenderly undid the tape holding the ribbon pieces together securing the box.
Then I clasped my hands together and stared at the box.
What the heck was this? And more importantly, what did I do to deserve whatever it was?
“Go ahead honey. Open it.” Mom urged me.
Slowly I lifted the lid off of the box.
Inside, nestled on top of the polyester type filled batting lining the bottom of the box was a bright pink cell phone.
A cell phone!
I immediately turned and hugged my Mother again! It was becoming quite a habit.
“I promised this to you days ago sweety. It’s more than time you should have had it.”
I opened it up and pulled out the little manual to look it over. It was an AT&Tâ„¢ model! My very own cell phone!
“I want you to be able to call me at any time where ever you may be. It’s for your safety - now, as a girl, more than ever. I’ll come get you no matter what. Okay?”
“Thank you Mom. I…I r-really… don’t think I deserve it.”
She gently patted my shoulder. “I want my daughter to know that I trust her and will be there for her. Remember what I said about the calls. Keep them down to emergencies for now, and later, I will increase the minutes. There is included with this plan 20 free text sends per month. So keep that to a minimum too as there is a charge for each text send beyond that.”
Wow! I was like, stunned! It’s almost a status symbol or something like that to have one. But I knew the catch here. Mom wanted to try and trust me now, for the first time as her daughter. I know the answer to that — yes! I will keep her trust.
I heard it and stood up quickly to turn the stove burner temperature down. The water was over boiling! I then poured the box of angel hair noodles in and stirred them a little.
“I take it you have things well in hand?”
I grinned. “Yes Mom. I’ll finish this. I’ll look at the cell phone after we eat.”
She sat down and replied, “Great. I’ll do the salad this time.”
We sat down and enjoyed our meal, with casual talking. I loved the Balsamic Vinaigrette dressing on my salad. My Mother had just picked it up this past weekend shopping and this was my first time tasting it with just a sprinkle of Parmesan cheese. Yummy!
My mother explained to me as we ate, that soon, we would see a doctor to physically examine me, in conjunction with my psychological therapy evaluation, to see what the recommended course of action we should take with me. I didn’t know I had to do all this sort of stuff to be a girl. I just knew I was one, that’s all.
As we were cleaning up and rinsing off the dishes, my Mother mentioned, “I want you to take the copy of your therapy sessions billing statement to Miss Benson tomorrow and tell her to arrange to make payments for them. If there is a problem, give her my cell phone number or work number to call me.”
I didn’t see any problem with that. Knowing Miss Benson now, I think she would she would bend over backwards for me, even though I felt really guilty about that. But I couldn’t convince Mom about it. *sigh*
I picked up the phone handset and, once I was inside my room, I called Mindy.
“Hello?” Oops! That was Mr. Swanson!
“May I speak with Mindy please Mr. Swanson? It’s me, Lynn.”
“Certainly. Hang on just a second.”
After a few moments, Mindy spoke into the phone, “Hey girl!”
“Ummm, does your father know… about me yet?”
“Nope! But we are planning to discuss it soon. My mother said she will talk with your mother and have the both of you over when she does talk to him. I don’t think he will have a problem with it, and neither does my mom. But, she felt that with you and your mom right here, he would probably be more sympathetic to your situation.”
“I guess that sounds okay. I just don’t want any more problems. I have enough of them to deal with now.”
Mindy paused. “Like which ones?”
“Like my therapy sessions with Dr. Kingston and the fact I also have to go get a physical exam soon. Something about checking my blood and hormone levels and such.”
“Oh wow! You mean they are going to start letting you grow into a girl now?”
“I don’t know, that’s what we will find out. I didn’t know that I had to go see a doctor to do that.”
“Well Duh!” Mindy chastised. “Your body is so girlish anyways you probably don’t need the hormones.”
“Well, my Mother seems to think differently and says my body could start into a male puberty and damage my looks. If I want to stay a girl, I need to be examined and see what I need to do and how much of what to prevent going into a boy’s puberty.”
“What if the doctor says you really are a girl and can have babies?”
“MINDY! Sometimes you are so impossible! That can’t happen. I’m a boy physically! And boys can’t have babies.”
“Maybe,” she giggled.
That girl! Sometimes… I just sighed.
“The other reason I called too was to tell you I now have my own cell phone.”
Mindy squealed. “Wow girl! Hey! When you and your mom come over, bring it over too. Maybe I can convince my mom to get me one?”
“Okay. Just I can’t make calls to friends right now on mine for the moment unless it’s an emergency. But, I read here on the plan sheet that you can call my number as long as you are on the same phone and plan for free. Technically, if you had the same AT&T â„¢ phone and plan I could call you. But not until my mom says it’s okay. She will upgrade the plan for more minutes later so that I can call others that are not on the plan. But for now, I want to earn her trust.”
“That’s cool! What is your number?”
I read off my mom’s handwriting on the manual. “555-7707.”
“Got it. Also, after the both of you talk to my father, and if it’s okay, I wanted to set up a sleepover one weekend with you and few other girls, before Halloween, here at our house.”
Cool! I have never been invited to stay overnight at a friend’s house ever! Mindy is the greatest! I wonder which of her friends I’ll get to meet?
“Ooops! Oh hey Lynn, my mother is asking me if she can talk to your mother now.”
“Sure Min. Hold on.”
“Mom?” I yelled down the hallway.
“Yes sweety?”
“Mrs. Swanson wants to talk with you on the phone.”
“Okay Lynn, give me a minute.”
I walked out to the living room and waited until she had finished removing the home layouts and design sheets for the homes that she sold and bought for her work from off of her lap and onto the coffee table. I handed her the phone.
They conversed for a little while with my Mom a seemingly concerned at first and listening. She seemed to relax a bit later and finished up with, “…That’ll be fine. See you then!”
She handed the phone back to me.
“Min?”
“I’m here.”
“Okay, I’ll see you in school tomorrow.”
“Good night girl friend.”
“Night Mindy.”
Mom sent me off the next morning with the copy of my therapist’s bill. Mindy and I boarded the bus as normal. However, today I wore hip hugging jeans with a cute little flower design on the upper side of my right thigh, a white camisole, and my red sweater. I could still feel the boys eying me as I walked down the aisle to my seat. In a way, I really liked the attention that they were giving me. I felt pleased that they liked how I looked enough to keep staring at me with want in their eyes. It’s hard getting used to that from being a non-noticed entity from before - unnerving too! It was like a power and it kinda made me feel good about myself. But it also kept hammering home my wanting to try and have boys for friends now, even though I knew that I would be playing with fire.
I smiled as I sat down and scooted in so Mindy could sit beside me.
We made it to school and Mindy followed me to the office.
“Hi Lynn! Hi Mindy!”
Mrs. Kramer never failed to greet me with a smile.
“Hi Mrs. Kramer. I’m here to see Miss Benson please.”
“Okay, just a moment.”
She went back to Miss Benson’s door and stuck her head in. After a nod, she motioned for us to come back there. Mindy and I walked through the swinging counter door and into Miss Benson’s office. Mindy took the far chair and I sat in the nearer one. Miss Benson seemed rather cheerful today.
“Lynn, Mindy. What can I do for you today?”
I handed Miss Benson the receipt. “Miss Benson, my Mother asked me to hand this to you and to see if what “you and her” discussed would be arranged. She wrote her phone numbers on there as well in case there was a problem.”
Miss Benson hummed to herself as she quickly looked over the bill. She then set it back down and smiled.
“Of course Lynn, consider it done. Oh, while you are here, I’ll give you these forms for your mother to look over. They are for your physician to sign to state your change in gender status. You have until November to get these back to me signed by your doctor and mother. If they are not back by then, the school board is going to inquire about my blocking the return of your records to Central Records Administration without sufficient cause. “
“Right now, all of your paper records, from elementary school to now, are here in my safe, under administrative review for special cause. But that is only temporary. I need those forms back to make “adjustments without question.” Because you are under the age of 18, this can be done here and I have someone on the school board who can reduce the chances of this getting beyond just us, but he needs those forms in order to make it happen. One of them needs to be signed by a judge in the County Juvenile Court. I have attached a note recommending Judge Jennifer Stanton.”
“Our school computer already has all your schedule and private information changed to female and all of your teachers have had their roll forms and schedules updated with the “corrected” information.”
“Those forms are very important Miss Collins. Have your mother see to it please.”
“Yes Ma’m.”
I took the manila folder and put it into my school notebook binder. Mindy and I started talking as we walked down the hallway to our lockers.
I was in the cafeteria at lunchtime and was quietly hoping that Jason would want to have lunch with me. He didn’t come over though. I, of course, was watching him the entire time, between bites, over there with his other friends - apparently busy. Mindy didn’t fail to notice my staring at Jason.
“Lynn,” Mindy whispered into my ear, “If you stare any harder you will bore a hole right through his head.”
Fudge! Now she knows!
“I wouldn’t know that Min. He’s well off to do,” I softly replied.
“Girl, you know you have a crush on him.”
I swiftly turned to face her and stared daggers into her eyes!
“Lynn,” Mindy pleaded, see how I was reacting, “There is no need to be so defensive. All of us go through that.”
Lisa, hearing us talk, scooted closer to me on my other side and in a low voice added, “It’s okay Lynn, when it comes to boys, you have to take them as they are. You can’t change them to fit you. You just have to be lucky to find the one that suits who you are the best. All of them have their faults.”
I slowly turned to see who the heck this otherworldy person of wisdom was and where she had just come from!
Her smile was infectious.
“How do you know so much about them?” I asked in awe.
“I have been through five boyfriends and have gone from the nice ones to the complete jerks. I have been dumped, dined, and had them beg me to be with them. All of them have their faults and so far, I haven’t found one nice enough yet to suit me. Boys prefer their toys nowadays to a girl.”
“Toys?” I asked, oblivious to reference.
“Cars, game machines, things to distract themselves with,” Mindy explained.
“Oh!” I blushed, realizing I had shown myself to be completely dumb in that remark.
Karen leaned over, “That’s why we girls stick together and have fun while we cruise days away waiting to spot our catch!”
“You really are kind of new to dating boys?” Lisa blurted.
Omigosh! No! I have to divert attention away before they find out!
“Yeah she is, “Mindy interrupted. “She has been a bookworm and really geeky forever. I should know. I have known her for practically my entire life. She is just now awakening to womanhood.”
“I guess that sort of makes sense. After all, you did used to really try hard to look like a boy. I thought maybe, you sort of, well, liked girls?”
You know, girl conversations can be just a little TMI at times? Why me?
My face turned a bright beet red as I covered it and started to lay my head down on my arms in total embarrassment.
“Lynn, I’m sorry!” Lisa begged.
Lisa and Mindy pried my arms away and got me to lean back to sit up again. My eyes were watery and I kept them closed.
“Lynn? Lynn?” Mindy pulled me to her and I let her hold me.
“Lisa! You need to be more careful about that! Lynn is not and has not been into girls. She has never even thought about being with anyone outside of wanting a friend. I have been about her only friend up until now. You just like totally embarrassed her in front of all of us! She is a very shy person.” Mindy admonished.
“Lynn, please accept my apology? Please? I’m really sorry.”
I turned to face her and sat up, still sniffling. “Lisa, you want to know why I dressed as I did? I had an abusive father when I was little. Much of what he did to me scarred me mentally. I dressed like a boy because he wanted me to be more like his son. Even after he left my Mom and me, I still couldn’t break out of that mindset. I continued to dress like that so people could like leave me alone. I joked around a lot, you know? I tried to give a reason for my even being here in school. I studied and poured myself into books so I could ignore other people. I got good grades for being so attentive to the textbooks. I ignored everyone else!”
“And you know what? I hated it!”
“I hated every minute of being alone, despite being around,” I motioned with my arms, “everyone here.”
“The only reason I made it through all of that was because of Mindy.”
All of them went quiet with wide eyes. Mindy eyed me with an expression of shock on her face. A few moments later, I just realized what I had said. Omigod! I jerked up from my seat on the bench, banging my lunch tray, and covered my mouth as I ran from the cafeteria. I couldn’t see the looks of others as they wondered why I ran.
I ran down the west hallway towards my home economics room and into the girl’s restrooms there. I went to the far stall, and upon finding it open and empty, I dashed in and slammed the door shut, locking it. I sat down on the toilet seat and broke down crying.
I had just told them all about me. Now they would know I’m a boy! Some people say that actions and words that scar people mentally, do so for a lifetime. Yeah. I’m proof of that. I wonder just how much of my wanting to be a girl was the result of my father trying to force me to be the boy he wanted me to be, or was it always there in the background? I don’t know. Right now, I don’t even care. My life is ruined!
I heard the gentle rapping on the door.
“Lynn. It’s me Mindy. Open up.”
I tried to ignore her, hoping she would go away. There was more rapping on the door and her pouting. Geez, can’t I be alone anywhere?
“Lynn if you don’t let me in, I’ll crawl under…”
I unlocked the door. Mindy slowly opened the door and saw what a mess I was. She picked me up off of the seat and pulled me to her. Her hugs always made me feel safe. I just tried to let go and let my mind calm down while she held me.
“Lynn, I am so sorry too! I never knew! You didn’t have to tell them that either. Something must really be bothering you!”
I sniffled, “Yeah, a lot of things are. I just ruined my life now by telling them what I am.”
“You silly girl, no you did not! They think you were a tomboy — a girl who acts and wanted to be more like a boy. They think you were always a girl. Heck, to me, you have always been one.”
I guess so. I mean I really haven’t been feeling well lately. I’m frustrated trying to keep my word to Mom, my inner self wanting to be with boys, and my being scared of letting go entirely, to be myself. Because if I do, I will reveal to them I’m not entirely a girl. It’s a lot for a kid like me to handle and I have only, really, Mindy to turn to.
She squeezed me again in her hug.
“Everything is okay. Can you make it through the rest of the day? How about you come over to my house after school with me on the bus? Then you and me will have a private chat in my room. I want to hear about your problems.”
“I can’t.” I weakly replied.
“Lynn, we are best friends. No secrets! Remember?”
I sniffled and wiped my eyes. “It’s not that. I have to go see my therapist after school.”
“OH!” she exclaimed, finally understanding.
I went over to the sink and saw myself in the mirror. The little bit of makeup I had on was gone and my eyes were red. I really looked awful. Yep! No cheeriness anywhere!
I grabbed a paper towel and wetted it from the faucet and gently dabbed it around my face.
“Part of the reason I’m like this is because the Doctor wants to know everything about me.”
I saw Mindy looking at me in the mirror.
“I don’t want to tell him everything! I don’t want some complete stranger knowing my entire life! I didn’t like it that much until just recently… and I certainly don’t want to think about it again and relive it while trying to explain it to him. I hated it! Not the parts with you in it Min, but all the rest! If I don’t cooperate, not only will my Mother be mad, but the Doctor might deny my becoming a…”
At that moment, another girl that neither of us knew stepped in and went into the stall nearest to the doorway. We took that cue to stop our conversation. I set my purse down onto the sink edge and pulled out my makeup. Mindy decided to help me with it. I could see in the mirror my facial covering pretty much hid the redness of my eyes. I guess I would pass. Mindy them combed my hair back down and readjusted the hair snaps holding my hair back on each side of my head.
I seriously don’t know what I would do without her.
We walked out of the restroom and down towards our lockers. A few students were milling about in the hallway.
“Look. Lisa is very sorry about that comment she made. I think you should go accept her apology.”
I pursed my lips. “It wasn’t that Mindy. I just flew off the handle from all of this pressure. In some ways, sneaking around and hiding gave me more freedom and fun than I feel now. Now, I have things I have to do and I have restrictions on me that make me feel caged in again, just like before.” I looked around quickly to make sure no one else was near where they could hear me, “As a boy, I could do more. Now I can’t. Getting used to this change is hard.”
“Welcome to my side of the fence Lynn.” Mindy smiled and shook my hand.
“Very funny Mindy. I’d still rather be this than what I was before. I guess, now, I just want to be grown up so that I can be more free again.”
“We all do. Look, let’s talk about this later at my house, when you get back from your appointment, okay?”
“Okay.” I answered. Then I thought for a moment. “I’ll apologize to her now. I don’t want her to think it’s her fault. Besides, so what if I did like girls?”
Mindy gave me a weird look.
“I was only saying. If I did, I did. So what? But I don’t like them that way. I want to be with a boy, one who is responsible and wants me for me and will treat me decently and listen to me.”
Mindy giggled. I frowned.
“We all want that Lynn! It takes time. It doesn’t happen overnight and it takes a lot of looking around and a lot of work!”
“I suppose so. That and I really want to keep the friends I have. I never again want to be alone like I had been before.”
We continued to walk back towards the cafeteria where we saw Lisa and Karen coming out.
Later on in the afternoon, today being a Thursday and my therapist appointment, I waited outside the school building on the left side by the parking lot looking for my Mother’s car. I ignored the masses of other kids talking and heading out to their cars or to the buses or even walking out along the sidewalks to their homes. I even saw Mindy board our bus, number 181. I watched her walk past the windows and sit down alone, in our usual seat.
Yeah, I’ll go over to her house after the appointment, if Mom will let me.
The honking of my mother’s car horn caught my attention.
I sat down in the car, properly of course, and fastened my seat belt. Mom seemed to sense something off with me and questioned me as she started the car moving again, “Okay sweety, what’s wrong?”
I squirmed a little. I couldn’t say it right now. But I know she expected an answer, so…
“Do you think Mr. Swanson is going to like blow up and keep me from seeing Mindy?”
My mom answered, “I think he will be okay with you honey. Janet already assured me he isn’t the kind to get angry about this sort of thing. In fact he knows a man in his office who is gay.”
Gay? I really dislike that word. It brings images of two boys or men together in my mind! Yeeeccch!
“Oh come on now Lynn. After what you are going through, you are going to think of two men wanting to be together as being strange?”
Snap! My mother must have seen my reaction!
“Well…” I started and my mouth kinda paused. I really didn’t know what to say.
We had just stopped at the light before the freeway ramp.
“Honey, I may not personally like the way some people live their lives, but at least I try to respect them as a person and not show disgust or anything. Remember Marilyn Grant? She is just like you! And she is a wonderful person. To some other people, you yourself, could be seen by them as a boy still even if you do get to go through the process to become a girl. Though, I swear, I can’t see anything about you that even suggests you are one — except for that part down below you have.”
Yeah!!! The thing that won’t let me be free to be myself with a boy!
I sulked a little. “You are right Mom. I do have to get over that hang up. To me, I see nothing wrong with two girls wanting to be together, or a boy and a girl wanting to be together either. It’s just something I have to learn to get over.”
We were now up and on the interstate heading into the city.
“Lynn, sweety,” my Mom continued, “When you are ready to tell me what is really bothering you, I’ll listen. Okay? I’m here for you.”
Geez! Are my thoughts being read by everyone today? Wow. This is getting spooky!
“Mother… ,” I moaned. “Is it that obvious?”
“Mother’s can read their daughters very well sweety. And yes, it’s that obvious.”
Great!
“Okay, when I’m ready I will explain it to you. I just have a lot of thinking to do.”
“Fair enough. Nothing serious?”
I licked my lips, as they were a little dry. “Maybe. I don’t really know right now. But it’s just something I have to find out.”
“Okay honey. Just when you are ready.”
My Mom soon dropped me off at the doctor’s office. My moodiness had somewhat gone back into hiding along the way here, so I was a little more like my old self again.
“I’ll pick you up at five-thirty. I have a couple of things to pick-up at the mall. Is there anything you need?” Mom asked.
“Could you possibly get a cute dress for me?” I asked.
“Hrumph, don’t make me regret this Lynn. You’re not supposed to become a girl this fast,” Mom giggled.
“But, Mom, I’ve always been a girl! I just forgot to tell you,” I said as I leaned across the car and kissed my mother’s cheek.
She moved her hand to her cheek and touched it.
“I guess there are some benefits for having a daughter after all,” she said as her eyes misted.
“Bye Mom. I’ll see you in a bit. Drive safe!” I smiled back at her as I exited the car.
I entered Dr. Kingston’s office and sat next to the magazine rack. I wanted to finish the article I had started the first day I was here. Dr. Kingston’s receptionist smiled at me and waved hi. I returned the gesture. I had just opened the magazine when I was called into his office.
“Good afternoon, Lynn,” he said as he shut the door behind me.
I hope I had my emotions under control!
“Good afternoon, doctor,” I replied.
“So, how did your day go?”
I shrugged. “Okay I guess.”
“Just okay? Did something happen I should know about?” I saw him giving me that all knowing eye. Omigod! I’m not talking about today anymore! What can I say?
“No. I wanted to have lunch with a friend, but he was busy.”
I noticed Dr. Kingston’s eyebrow twitch when I said that.
“Is he a good friend?” he asked.
You betcha! He’s dreamy, If I can get his attention…
“No, just a friend,” I responded.
There was no way I was going to tell the doctor my real feelings toward Jason. Despite what he claimed I could just see this getting back to my Mom. He’d probably call my mother and have me put away!
“Does he know about you, you know, the boy part?”
“No,” I answered sheepishly. I had stopped looking directly at the doctor hoping that my little white lies wouldn’t be noticed.
“I see. I’m not going to pursue this any farther today. We will have to build our trust before that happens. I do want to warn you though that dating boys that don’t know everything about you is extremely dangerous! Several of my patients have been beaten within an inch of their life when their dates found out about them! Think Lynn! Think before you do this again,” the doctor admonished.
“Yes sir,” I eeped out. Wow! I knew things could be bad, but people wanting to try and kill me for being me? Hmmm. The reaction I have towards gay boys and men. I suppose if that were magnified I could be just as bad as the ones that would want to try and hurt me. Sheesh! But I would never hurt someone. But maybe boys that feel that way… would?
I guess I have to look at things from a new perspective?
My mind wandered to this weekend and the date Mindy was setting up for us. Mindy and I have been having so much fun with this whole thing that we really haven’t been thinking about the bad things that could possibly happen. I’m starting to see what my mother sees with regards towards Mindy. I love Mindy to pieces and will obviously do almost anything she asks of me. I mean, look at me now and who I was? Mindy acts before she thinks and as this whole thing unravels, I just wonder what else she’s going to get me into?
“Good, now that we have that settled, I’d like to start from the beginning. When did you realize that you were a girl?”
I knew the very instant that had happened. It was when Rex and I first touched lips. It confirmed what my soul felt like all along and spelled out what I really was!
G-I-R-L.
After being admonished by the doctor, admitting to making out with Rex was the farthest thing from my mind!
“When Mindy and I went to the mall.”
“And why did it happen there?”
“Well it’s because we went there to try my mingling in with other people as my first time dressed as a girl out in public and we were having so much fun. It was just two girls hanging out.”
“How long have you been dressing before that?”
“Just a few times.”
“And you were certain that you were a girl?”
“Yes, more than anything.”
“I can understand that looking like a girl and being accepted as one could be exciting, but that doesn’t make you a girl. What happened before the trip to the mall?”
“I changed my clothes at Mindy’s.”
“Maybe I should rephrase that question. When was the first time you tried to become a girl? Your mother mentioned something about a prank.”
“Oh that! It was just a thing with my hair. One of my teachers thought I was a girl because my hair went wild before his class and Mindy thought it was funny. We decided to fool him for several days, but that was all.”
“Did you feel like a girl when you did that?”
“Umm, well yes and no. I thought of it more as a prank than anything else.”
“What happened next?”
“Mindy thought it would be funny to enter me in the Homecoming Pageant. We didn’t think I would win and we’d have a good laugh afterward. I didn’t count on winning the Princess title for our class.”
“Is that the first time you thought you might be a girl?”
“Well my whole life I felt odd and different. Without going too in depth, I honestly did not like doing things that boys did when I was younger and even up until Homecoming. I felt totally out of place trying to be one and realizing I did not fit in, but never why. I did not know what it was and did not have a name for it. But as far as Homecoming, I think maybe it was. I couldn’t admit to Mindy how much I liked looking like a girl. I was supposed to be a boy after all.”
“Okay. Tell me how you felt that first time.”
“When Mindy made me up, it was exciting. It was a feeling of freedom that filled up inside me and I felt right for the first time in my entire life. I was both embarrassed and happy about it at the same time. I became totally alive for the first time in my life. Does that make any sense to you Doctor?”
“It does.”
“Well, we took pictures and laughed like two girlfriends. It was when I had to go home that something else happened. I felt sad that I had to become a boy again. Even without makeup on, I realized that I saw a girl looking back at me from the mirror. It’s hard to explain. It didn’t feel wrong to try to be a girl, but I realized at that moment that it felt wrong to try and pretend anymore to be a boy, whereas being a girl just felt so right.”
“What happened after that?”
“I won the contest and because of the obligations I had to learn how to be a girl.”
“Was your mother aware of this?”
“No.”
“Okay, continue on with what happened next.”
“I went to Mindy’s and she did my makeup again, but this time I dressed completely as a girl for the first time.”
“How did that make you feel?”
“Absolutely wonderful! Mindy and I spent the afternoon together and I was supposed to learn what to do as a girl, you know, like walking and sitting. Everything a girl learns her entire life, except I had to learn it in two weeks.”
“Learning to be a girl and being one are two different things Lynn. Tell me how you felt when you had to become a boy again.”
“It was awful. I got depressed. I felt like I was being wrapped in clear plastic and I couldn’t move. I felt so wrong.”
“I don’t quite understand.”
“Ok, I’ll try and say it this way then. As the afternoon continued with Mindy, I found I was talking like a girl. You know, with my hands and everything, like now. Mindy even gave me some strange looks, but didn’t say anything.”
“I see. Did Mindy teach you that?”
“No. It seemed to come naturally. In fact, she commented I really had nothing to learn in how I walked or acted, because she realized I was already doing it without her telling me. I didn’t even force these movements. It’s like who I was took over automatically.”
“When was the next time you dressed as a girl?”
“The next day. That was when we went back to the mall.”
“That was when you knew you were a girl?”
“Yes.”
“Was there any specific moment when you made that decision?”
“No. I think I already knew I was one before we got there. I now had a name for what I felt I had been repressing my whole life. I felt so natural being dressed and being allowed to be myself as a girl. I felt free. As we spent time at the mall, my thinking actually changed. I wasn’t worried that someone might see me as a boy at all. I was more concerned that they might think I was ugly.”
“You were more worried about your looks than being discovered as a boy?”
“Yes, because from the day before I didn’t think of myself as being a boy any longer. I was a girl, but I realized I was not in the body of one.”
“I have to admit you already look mostly like a girl, but beside that point, that can be dangerous, Lynn! Did you interact with any boys when you were at the mall?”
I felt my face flush when he asked that question. OMIGOD! How was I going to answer that one? Of course, I made out like crazy with a boy named Rex? I had to think of something he might like and making out wasn’t one of them.
“Mindy flirted a lot, and maybe I did too, but nothing happened,” I replied, somewhat truthfully.
He scribbled something down on his notepad.
“How did you feel about that?”
“Umm, it was really kind of fun.”
“Did the boys react to you?”
“Yes, but like I said, nothing happened.”
“It could have, you know? There are boys that troll the mall looking for young girls like you.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re inexperienced. A fourteen year old girl wants to impress a boy and they don’t have enough real world experience to know when to say no.”
Gulp! He almost had me down pat! Maybe I should start taking some of their advice. I don’t really know a whole lot about what I’m getting into.
Dr. Kingston looked at the clock on his desk before he spoke again.
“Our time’s up for today Lynn. But… before you go though, I want to give you some advice as a father and not as your doctor. You’re much too young to be flirting with boys that way. If I found out my daughter was doing that at your age, I’d ground her for a month. I know that young girls like you are under enormous pressure by peers and by boys to do things you shouldn’t, things that are adult. Being the way you are places you in very grave danger and you may or not realize that entirely right now. You need to be strong enough to resist and to know when to say no. But as your doctor, this conversation stays between you and me. As much as I would like your mother to know about it, I won’t say anything. This is what I mean about trust Lynn, it’s our secret. I’ll see you next Tuesday.”
“Yes Sir.”
As I got to his door, I turned, and blushed slightly.
“Doctor Kingston?”
“Yes Lynn?”
“Thank you for caring enough to tell me that. I needed to hear that.”
He took off his glasses. “It was my pleasure Lynn. I wouldn’t have felt right in not telling you the dangers that you are really facing.”
I opened the door. “See you next week!”
To Be Continued...
Homecoming Princess (Revised) - Princess Found - Part 13
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Princess Found Part 13 By Arecee Edited and proofed by Sephrena Lynn Miller
“Is everything alright in there?” Jason called out. No! Everything is NOT okay. I have feelings for you and its distracting me! |
Pictures purchased and licensed royalty-free from www.istockphoto.com .
Mom was waiting when I exited the doctor’s office.
“How did it go sweetheart?” she asked me as she set down the magazine she was reading and gathered her purse.
“Okay I guess.”
“Just okay?”
“Well, we talked about a few things, but mostly he wanted to know how this all started.”
“Do you still like this doctor?”
“Yes, he’s very nice, and I think… I'm starting to trust him.”
On our way down to the car, I remembered about the papers Miss Benson had handed me. I unzipped my notebook and pulled out the manila folder.
“Mother, Miss Benson asked me to give this to you. She also said there was no problem with the therapy bill either. She said ‘Consider it done.’ ”
“That’s good. I’ll wait a little while to see if… Hmmm” My Mother paused in walking and was intently looking over the papers.
I stopped and waited patiently for her to finish looking them over. I could clearly see that she was not really happy seeing those forms. In a sense, I suppose it was like a finality of killing off completely who I had been as Lynn, the boy. Because, when all of this was done, I would forever be Lynn, the girl.
Mom took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment. I knew she was holding back tears. She looked over at me and forced a smile. “Okay sweety, we will take care of these next week.”
I smiled too.
I wanted to completely become a girl! And this was going to be part of that journey.
From what I knew so far, there were a lot of doctors I was going to have to see. And it wasn’t just as simple as putting on the clothes: there were medical procedures and drugs I would have to take and regular doctor visits. I never imagined this would be so complicated! How could we ever afford all these medical visits and things?
We rode in silence for a little ways before Mom asked me, “A penny for your thoughts?”
I knew what she wanted to know. I guess being a girl gives you some super special radar power to know something about what is going on, but Geez! I haven’t seemed to have acquired that yet in respect towards reading others, well, except Mom that is.
I guess it’s time I said something about it.
“Mom, I have been asking about boys.”
I saw my Mother flinch at that statement, and she ever so briefly closed her eyes and opened them again to focus on the road. Wow! I had better be careful what I say! I don’t want us to wreck!
“I see.”
She was silent, obviously waiting for me to continue. I knew that this subject was breaking her heart, so I knew I had to think carefully about what I said.
“Mom, I have been having urges inside me. Well, urges to want to have boys for friends. But I know how you feel about that issue.”
She was still silent.
“Well, I talked to Dr. Kingston about it and he gave me an eye opening of just what kind of danger I really am in. How careful I have to be and the precautions I need to take. Apparently, being friends and dating with boys will not be so simple for me as it could be with normal girls.”
My Mother slowly nodded as she changed lanes back over to the right side of the road.
“That is roughly half of what had been bothering me all day. What I want to tell you, no, what I need to tell you … is that I have a boy as a friend … already.”
My Mother's face formed a frown.
“Mother, wait please! Let me explain.”
“Go on,” her voice wavered.
“We are friends and I only see him a couple of times a day during school. He also … *sniff* … drives me home from school a lot … during the week.” I had a hard time to keep my emotions in check. I don’t know why my eyes decided that it was time to form tears in them. They just did.
“So just who is this boy you are allowing to drive you home?” My Mom stated with a coldness in her voice that hinted she was already upset at me. I really felt the anger in those words. Yikes!
“Mother, he is the Homecoming King of our school, his name is Jason. He is the one who danced with me most of that night and even brought me home when Mindy couldn’t because she was in the Hospital.”
I couldn’t read the expression on her face. This did not seem to be going well for me.
“Mother, so you should know, one, he has been nothing but a gentleman to me the entire time. He has not been all over me, and has not asked to do anything with me, well, you know, ‘adult type things.’ Two, no, he doesn’t know about me yet. I have not broached that subject and I really don’t know how to. So I am keeping what we are as just friends.”
“I needed to tell you this Mom. I had to. It has been eating me up trying to figure out how! I want you to trust me!”
Tears trickled down from my eyes. I just went kind of quiet as I could blurredly see we were going down the off ramp from the interstate. I stretched my arms out in front of me and clasped my hands as I looked down into my lap aimlessly.
When we stopped at the red light at the bottom of the off ramp, she spoke, “Well, I knew you were sort of checking out boys. It’s actually very visible in the change in your behaviour. I was waiting for you to tell me. Have you dated him yet without telling me?”
Snap! I can’t lie to her!
She made a right turn and accelerated.
“Jason stopped at the Burgerz shop not far from school to buy me a drink a couple of days ago. I don’t know if that is what you would consider a date, but that is all that has happened outside of seeing him at school and him driving me home. I swear it Mother, that is all of it.”
I had said all of this in a guilty pleading tone and I was cringing. I was worried Mom was going to lay down the law and forbid me to have boys for friends! I mean she sort of already did so a couple of years ago with me about girls. Mindy had been an exception. She had also made the point with me earlier too about boys.
We passed the road that led down to our school.
“Well, young lady, I was once a teen girl too. Since you are apparently one as well, I can’t expect to hold you to a different set of standards than what I had been through. Like I said, your change, if it ever truly was one at all, is causing me to rethink a lot of how I am treating you. I want to protect you Lynn. I don’t ever want to see you hurt. But If I’m too restrictive, I fear I will push you away from me and cause you to hide things from me. That I don’t want! I want us open and communicating. I want to go through this with you, me and you — together. You are not alone in what you are going through.”
A moment of silence engulfed us as I absorbed what she had said. I felt some shame, because, yes, I had been hiding things from her, both before now and some things yet coming. I did not like doing that either. I want to be close to her.
“How about I have some time to think this over on how I want to go about letting you mingle with boys? I can’t promise it will be entirely what you want, but you also know you are not entirely a girl yet either and Dr. Kingston was absolutely right. That is what I am afraid of. Ever since you opened up and became yourself, I have been worried sick for your safety!”
*sigh* That’s better than a flat out no. And Geez! I had no idea my being myself was causing her problems like that. I haven’t been in trouble yet or had a problem. That doesn’t mean I won’t though. Perhaps I have been extremely lucky so far?
I can’t stand seeing her hurt or worry over me like this either.
“I’m sorry Mommy.”
My Mother reached over and gave my hand a gentle, knowing squeeze.
“It’s okay sweetheart. Every mother worries about her children. It’s a part of growing up. The most unsettling part of life is letting go of your children in little stages: letting them walk and do things on their own, letting them live their own lives, and making their own choices. It’s very difficult for me to let go of you at all at this stage. You need so much help and guidance right now.”
I closed my eyes.
“Yes… I do.”
“Wake up Miss Sleepyhead.”
My mom squeezed my hand again. I smiled as I opened my eyes. We were home.
I carried my notebook and 2 school texts in with me. Once I settled down and set out my homework across my bed comforter, I called Mindy.
“Hey, Min, what’s up?”
“Nothing much, except I talked to Charlie and the guys are going to meet us Saturday afternoon,” she excitedly said.
I thought back to what Dr. Kingston had said about dating and wondered if I was making a terrible mistake in going along with Mindy? I had to consider Mom’s feelings too.
“Ok. Let me check and see if this is going to be OK with my Mother.” I reluctantly set the phone handset down and walked over to my Mother’s bedroom. Mom was sitting on her bed sorting out clothes she brought in from the dryer to hang and put away.
“Mom?” I quietly asked. “Mindy wants to go the mall this Saturday. Is it okay if I go?”
“What time Saturday?”
“In the afternoon. We were planning to look at some clothes and possibly see a movie together.”
“I guess that would be alright. Call me on your cell if you plan to see the movie. Okay sweety? ”
“Thanks Mom.” I hugged and gave her cheek a quick kiss. I smiled and went back into my bedroom, not quite closing the door all the way.
“Mom says I can go,” I giggled nervously. So much for Dr. Kingston’s warnings!
“Good. Be sure to wear something Rex will like,” Mindy said.
“Mindy,” I quietly whined, “Mom won’t let me out of the house if I wear what I want.”
“Then change over here! We have to look hot for the guys. I know Charlie is absolutely going to love the outfit I have picked out!” Mindy replied.
My stomach felt queasy. “Min … are you sure we’re doing the right thing?”
“Of course we are. How else are we going to see the guys?” She paused for a moment. “I’ll see you tomorrow Lynn, Okay?”
“All right Min, have a good night.”
I hung up the phone and started wondering whether Mindy was leading me down the wrong path or not. Dr. Kingston had said ‘no boys for right now,’ and here I was lining up a date with Rex. If I did start dating already, will that influence my thinking in regards to my wanting to be a girl? Of that, I’m almost certain. Am I really being fair to myself? I don’t know. There is also the risk of exposing myself and what it would do to my life. That is a nightmare I can’t comprehend just right now. It scares me. It’s almost too much for kid like me to think about. There was just … so much … and I knew that I was walking a tightrope.
This whole thing has been an exciting adventure, but now I have to make some very important life changing decisions to make. I now have two boys that want to be with me and I shouldn’t be seeing either of them.
I shook my head to try and clear my thoughts.
What should I do about Jason?
*sigh*
“How stupid!” I thought to myself, “Boys are a part of being a girl, and why shouldn’t I be like any other girl my age? As long as Dr. Kingston doesn’t find out, or Mom … what difference should my social life make to anyone else? If I play it smart and safe I should be able to be me and be as much a girl as possible.”
I went to the bathroom and gently washed and scrubbed my face. Afterwards I brushed my teeth. I then slipped into bed after giving mom a hug good night and turned over on my side. What was I going to do with those two boys? Of the two, I felt Jason’s arms slowly encompass me in his warmth as I let sleep slowly start to claim me. A smile pursed my lips.
Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!
I quickly shut off that annoying alarm! Mornings come too quickly for me.
I crawled out of bed and took my shower. During my washing, I had a few sharp pains from my stomach that jabbed me. I grimaced and pushed both hands up against that spot and waited for it to stop.
Whew! It seemed to stop. I continued on my showering, but the pains did not return. Thank God!
I finished dressing, having selected a nice short sleeve blouse and a pullover soft denim dress to wear over top of that. It was a nice contrast of the silky white arms sticking through the sides of the pullover against the dark blue denim material of the dress. I was pulling my hair back and slipped my pink plastic head band in to hold my in the style I fixed it up into when my Mother appeared at the doorway.
“Ready for breakfast sweetheart?”
I smiled at her. I was in a better mood since the alarm clock blared at me.
“Mmmm hmm.” I hummed softly.
My Mom’s eyes glistened as she studied me.
“How do I look Mom?” I did a little twirl for her.
“You are just so unbelievably beautiful.” I actually saw her sort of choke up some as her expression was sort of one who was in awe of me. Rather than let that affect me, I rushed up to her, giving her a quick peck on the cheek and ran down the hall giggling to the kitchen.
“But you are my child!” Mom whispered to herself as she grinned and followed behind me.
“Now don’t forget, after school we are going to go over to Mrs. Swanson’s house to talk with her husband about you, so stay dressed as nicely as you are now. I’ll be taking off a little early today so we can meet with him.”
I was crunching down on a spoonful of corn pops as I listened to her. I looked up to her and nodded.
Mom then gave me a more serious look and asked, “Are you going to ride home with Jason today?”
Fudge! That was a loaded question! On one hand, Mom had not told me what her new rules would be. But, if I just outright said ‘yes’, it would not only be rude to her but her feelings. I never thought of this stuff before finding out I was a girl! But it seemed some part of me was now on auto pilot mode analyzing everything in different terms, along with my emotions being more tangible to things.
“Well, I was going to ask you after I ate if you would allow me to. I would like to ride home with him Mom, if it’s alright with you. If you haven’t decided on it yet, I will ride the bus home.”
I hope that was the right way to have said that…
Mom seemed a little perplexed at my answer and closed her eyes for a moment.
“Go ahead and ride home with him dear. I do want to meet him though and get his phone number. Invite him in and ask if he can wait for me to get here. I should be here roughly the same time you normally get home from school.”
Woah! That is presuming something else! I mean… Jason is a friend, but I haven’t allowed him get close to me yet. I mean… I haven’t let anyone really. I am not ready for that kind of thing yet. I know my brain is telling me to, but I know better.
“Mom, wouldn’t that like, be encouraging him to think something else? Like maybe he is my boyfriend?”
“Not at all dear. I simply want to meet your friend, to see for myself who he is, and whether or not I can bring myself to trust him with driving you dear.”
I rolled my eyes. “He is going to think this will be the “next step” up with him getting closer to me. I just want him as a friend for now.”
Mom smiled as she leaned down hugging me from behind.
“Life is so different as a girl huh?” she smirked.
“Yeah. I have a lot more to think about and it takes a lot more time to do things.”
“Is it unfair?” She stood back up.
I quietly answered, “No. Just different.”
“That’s my girl!” She smiled once again as she slung her purse over her shoulder. “See you this afternoon hon. Have a good day at school.”
“Bye Mom!”
I quickly finished my cereal and rinsed the dish and spoon out.
At lunch, I had just sat down across from Mindy at our table and Laura, when I felt a slight tap at my shoulder.
I turned around.
“Would you mind if I sat beside you to eat lunch with you Lynn?”
It was Mark from my from my former water polo team and in my Biology class.
I softly replied, “I don’t mind.” I gestured for him to take his seat next to me. Mark settled in beside me and started to eat. The girls were talking about other boys and various things. I stole a few glances to my side at Mark while I ate. He didn’t say anything at all. He was just eating. Nope! He didn’t even turn to steal glances at me. Weird!
Mindy and Laura took looks at him too. Laura shrugged her shoulders. I just continued to eat for another 5 minutes before I had to say something.
“Mark?” I quietly asked. “You don’t talk while you eat?”
“Mmmm. I do. Just this was my first time eating with you Lynn and I didn’t want to interrupt you or anything. “
Oh Wow! Mark really is shy!
“Well, talk about something then. I mean you obviously wanted to sit with me, so feel free to talk. I was waiting for you to say something.”
Mark sheepishly admitted, “I was waiting for you to say something too.”
Then we both said at the same time, “Well — “
I couldn’t hold it in, I laughed.
Mark sort of ran his fingers through his hair laughing with me. “I guess we think alike.”
“Yeah.” I mused. “Well you always did wait for me to take the lead in water polo.”
He finished his bite of green beans. “Well, yeah. You are the fastest swimmer we had and well… I functioned better on the team with you taking lead and me catching your passes.”
Laura’s ears perked up as she listened.
I reminisced about the fun I had participating in the sport with him before I got kicked off.
Laura then interjected, “The school water polo team? I thought it was boys only?”
Snap! Ummm…
“She joined us sometimes for fun after practice.” Mark covered for me. The redness of embarrassment still hadn’t left my cheeks. That subject was just a little too touchy.
“Are you going to be ready for the Biology test on Tuesday?” Mark continued, quickly changing the subject.
I did forget about that!
“I’m sure I will be. I have time on Sunday to study for it.”
Mark then offered, “Well Steve, Val, and Karen are going to be joining me over at my house Sunday from 11 am to 3 pm to study for it. You are welcome to come if you would like. Mr. Keatman said this test would be our hardest until finals - the nomenclature and definitions?”
It would be nice to study with new people. Hmmm.
“Tell you what: Let me get your address and phone and I’ll call you tonight after I talk with my Mother. I’d like to come, but to answer your question, I have to ask her first.”
Mark grinned really silly. Oh my gosh! That GRIN! That silly grin of his! I covered my face giggling.
I heard Mark snap a pen out and wrote on a napkin. I pulled my hand away from my vision as I got better control of myself from the giggle fit. He handed me the napkin.
“If you can come, cool! If not, we can try and set up in the library with you Monday afternoon here.”
I answered, “It’s a deal.” I accepted the napkin he had wrote his information on and slipped it into my purse.
I saw Mindy’s eyes widen along with Laura’s. I had to endure their razzing about being Miss Popular and being a boy magnet. I was a flirter and all manner of being just what I am — a girl. I can’t say I was Miss Popular — I did win Homecoming Princess, but yeah, I had to agree with them — a lot of boys were starting to notice me and Mark was the first since Homecoming to actually approach me and talk to me. Everyone had assumed Jason had staked his claim on me. He had not.
Jason had not sat down to lunch with me since that one day, but he was seeing me in the mornings and afternoons. As far as I was concerned, I was open to see others and try the water out.
Jason drove me home after school. It was a Friday, and that meant freedom to do what I wanted to until Monday! I snuggled as close to him as the consul would allow. His hand found its way to my leg above my knee. His fingers were doing something to my thigh that was driving me crazy. I wanted so much to kiss him, but I knew we would crash the car if I did. You know what they say about men drivers…
We finally reached my house and I had been so infatuated with Jason that I hadn’t noticed that his hand had moved up my leg. Now I knew why it felt so good! He had moved his hand past mid-thigh and my legs had involuntarily reacted by moving apart! I realized that if he went any farther up I might lose control of how I stay tucked up inside. That would mean instant death!
“Please don’t!” I softly begged Jason. I took his hand in mine to remove it from my leg and he intertwined his fingers in between mine and gently squeezed.
“I apologize Lynn. You are so intoxicating that I, well, lost my manners,” he sheepishly confessed.
“My Mother asked me to ask you… if it would alright, for you to wait for a few minutes… for her to get home. She wanted… to meet you.” I breathed out heavily. Jason was sure causing me to feel things that I was barely able to control! He knew just what to do to make me putty in his hands. I had to be very careful.
“She said a few minutes?”
I nodded.
“Sure, as long as neither you nor her mind.”
I smiled. “Honest. It’s okay. Please come in.”
Jason exited the car and walked around to let me out. He then held onto my hand again as we walked up to the house door. I felt him give my hand another squeeze. Those weird giddy feelings I kept having for Jason just jolted through me again when he did that. It felt good, but it made me weak to resist his advances. I quickly pulled my keys from my purse and unlocked the door.
“Have a seat on the couch Jason, I’ll get us something to drink. What would you like?”
I turned to face him as I sat after I had set my purse down on the kitchen counter and saw him studying me. His eyes just kept twinkling in the light and his, well, for lack of a better word — ‘manliness’ captivated something in my heart! I was swooning inside.
“Tea would be okay or else a coke if not?” he finally got around to saying, breaking the mesmerization of both of us having stared at one another.
My body was still tense and excited in a way. I breathed out, “We have iced tea. Sweetened?”
“That would fine Lynn.” Jason grinned and went on into the living room. I was in total control of myself... not!
Fudge it all! What is so wrong with me? I slammed the plastic pitcher of tea on the counter and let the refrigerator door shut a little too hard.
“Is everything alright in there?” Jason called out.
No! Everything is NOT okay. I have feelings for you and its distracting me!
“Yes. I… was a little… clumsy,” I came up with on the fly.
“Take your time, please.”
Why was I feeling so angry all of a sudden? His remark caused me to feel incensed and my initial emotion was to take offense at it: like he was ordering me around. But he wasn’t! I did not understand what I was feeling, but I reasoned I should keep it in for now and talk to Mom about it later.
I walked in with the drinks and carefully set his on the coffee table near him and took a sip from mine as I sat on the couch with some space between us.
“You and your Mother have a very nice home Lynn,” he commented.
“Thank you. She is into real estate and does take pride in how homes are kept on the inside and out. She sells them.”
I noticed Jason kept looking back at me, causing me to feel a little different. I guess as in being desired. It’s a little disconcerting if you are not used to that sort of look from someone before. I could literally feel his want of me. And my body, it wanted to conspire with him and betray me too.
I took another sip of tea and we both stared at one another again.
Just then, the front door opened. Mom was home! Whew! Too much longer alone with Jason and… well, I would be his.
Susan Collins set her purse down beside Lynn’s and walked on into the living room.
“I’m Susan Collins, Lynn’s Mother. Pleased to meet you.”
Jason leaned forward and shook my mother’s hand. “Jason Carlson Ma’am. My father owns a glass company that does special order windows and standard replacement for residential and commercial customers.”
Mom sat down in the love seat sofa and chatted away, prying out what she wanted to know about him. I was sort of left out of the conversation, so I picked up our now empty glasses and carried them back into the kitchen.
Upon returning, I heard mom say, “Just remember, I haven’t allowed Lynn to date yet. She is my pride and joy. If you can wait for her to be able to date until her fifteenth birthday next year, then I promise you, it will be worth it.”
Jason looked a little disappointed, but stiffened his resolve and came back with, “You are so right Mrs. Collins. She is worth waiting for. I’ll wait. I’d really rather be a friend first. We just barely know each other right now.”
My Mother, seeming satisfied with her ‘interrogation’ added, “It’s Ms. Collins. I have divorced from my ex-husband, but haven’t changed my last name yet. But you can call me Susan.”
Huh? Jason said he would wait? But he has been trying to get through my legs! Hmmm, I hope he means what he says. Maybe all boys are like that inside? I don’t know. I just knew that if he didn’t keep his word, then being even a friend would be impossible. But honestly, my body was reacting to him like programming.
“Well, it was nice meeting you Jason. Unfortunately Lynn and myself have an appointment to get to. Thank you for giving me your information and you can continue to drive Lynn home.”
“Thank you Ms. Collins.”
They both stood up. I put on a smile and walked Jason to our door.
“Thank you for the ride home Jason,” I stared up into those dreamy eyes of his again. Jason put his hand underneath my chin and lifted it a little so that we were eye to eye. He smiled back at me. This felt so… so… good!
“I-I’ll see… you… Monday?” I stammered as I broke through that spellbound gaze of his.
“Sure thing. Be safe!”
He then lifted my upraised hand to his lips and kissed the back of my hand like a Prince.
I was still reeling from that kiss when I felt Mom tapping me on my shoulder.
“Ready to go sweetheart?”
“Huh?” I just realized Jason had already driven off and his car was gone.
“That must have been some kiss,” Mom quipped as she gave me a pat on my bottom. I snapped out of it and went back inside to check myself in the bathroom mirror.
Finally ready, we headed out the door.
“I sure hope Mr. Swanson won’t wind up hating me.”
“Shush honey. Janet said Fred is a sort of understanding person. Think positive okay?”
I sighed. “Doesn’t help the fact that I feel scared though.”
Mom unlocked the car doors with the clicker. “I’m going to be right there with you baby.”
I sat down in the car seat, and closed the door. As I buckled up, I said, “Thanks Mommy.”
Mindy’s house was only ten minutes away, but it still felt like an eternity. The not knowing of how Mr. Swanson was going to take me just added to my anxiety from just having been with Jason. My life has been nothing but a rollercoaster ride for the past three weeks . Sometime soon, I just wanted to hop off and take a well deserved break.
We stood at the door and I just shivered. Mom , behind me, asked, “Lynn honey, press the doorbell.”
I was nervous. “Um-mm Mom. Can you do it? Please?”
I gave her those eyes. Mom relented and pushed the doorbell. I then switched position and hid behind Mom just as the front door opened.
Mindy greeted us. “Hi Ms. Collins.”
“Hi Mindy.” Mindy looked around Mom some and saw me there. “Lynn? What are you hiding for? Come on in.”
I smiled rather nervously as I walked in behind Mom.
Mindy’s mother had a casserole dish in her hand as she shut her oven door.
“Hi Susan. Can you and Lynn stay for dinner? I cooked a side of roast beef and we have some onions and corn and salad.”
It sure smelled good to me! Mom asked me, “Up to you Lynn. What do you think?”
I blinked. “Ummmm sure Mrs. Swanson. Sounds great!”
We entered into their living room where Mr. Swanson was watching the news on television. He saw us come in and clicked it off. Mom and me sat down on the sofa and Mindy squeezed in on my free side.
I could see Mr. Swanson was puzzled with who I was, but noticed Mindy sitting beside me. He greeted my Mom.
“Susan! It’s been awhile since you’ve been over. Where is... Lynn?”
Mrs. Swanson ushered in and sat down next to Fred.
“Fred, I’d like you to meet my daughter, Lynn.”
I sheepishly smiled and waved my hand a little. “Hi!”
Fred’s face went through a mixture of emotions.
Mindy started, “Daddy, I think I should begin and explain things. You see, it all began in Mr. Copeland’s class a couple of weeks ago…” Once again, Mindy and me retold the journey I took into becoming a girl. I could see the look of increduality upon his face at the situation I was currently in. Mrs. Swanson added she had already punished Mindy, and I had to step in and defend myself, since this was entirely my want and doing. No one forced me to be a girl. I was one.
Mr. Swanson then stood up, turned around and thought for a moment. He then stepped closer and squatted in front of me to have a closer look. Being under someone’s intense gaze is unnerving, I’ll have you know!
He swore, “I’d never believe it. I can’t tell you were ever a boy at all. All I see is a young girl. I guess that shows how much I really pay attention to people around me.”
“Lynn, you do plan on fully being a woman for the…”
“…rest of my life? Yes sir. I do. I am absolutely as certain of that as I am of anything. I am the same person, just presented a little differently on the outside.”
Mrs. Swanson interrupted. “Well Fred, what do you think?”
Mr. Swanson stood back up and answered, “She’s fine dear. I was and still am a little surprised, but I don’t see anything wrong with it. But I have to admit, you do look much prettier.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. Mrs. Swanson smiled.
“Next time, however, sort of let me know in advance before you surprise me like that. You really had me wondering who you were at first. Okay? Let’s have dinner!”
Mindy leaned over and whispered rather matter-of-factly, “I told you so!”
I stuck my tongue out at her.
Mom warned, “Girls. Dinner.”
Why do parents always have to interrupt their children’s repartee?
Mindy poked me one last time on the arm and skipped ahead to the table. She can win if she wants, I thought to myself. Letting someone else win sometimes actually makes me feel good inside.
So I let her.
We had a great dinner and Mindy and me went into her room for a little bit and listened to some of her newest music CD’s before Mom said it was time to head on home.
In the car, Mom said, “You see honey? Things are sometimes better than what you think.”
I looked down into my lap. “You were right. I guess it doesn’t hurt to try and think positive of things. I mean both Mindy and her Mom know what he is like, so I guess I should have trusted them. This whole thing is scary to me, really.”
Mom glanced at me, “Oh?”
“Mom, I get these weird feelings when I am around Jason. I think it’s love, but my body seems to react to him. I mean… “
Mom waited and held her tongue. I found the words I wanted to say.
“…It’s like my body wants him and is trying to get me to go along with, well, being a girlfriend to him. But my brain understands what is happening and it’s really hard to hold back at times. I know your rules, I know common sense, and I am not ready for that sort of thing yet either. But, his presence causes me to react like that to him.”
Mom slowed down at the corner, stopped, turned the corner and began accelerating again.
“Promise me this now young lady. If you feel like you have to give in to him or he tries to push himself onto you — end it. Ride the bus home. Okay?”
“Yes ma’m.” I pathetically groaned out.
“I want you safe sweety. School comes first, relationships later.”
I nodded.
“Has he tried to do anything to you yet?”
I looked at her rather annoyed. “Mother! Would I have let him drive me home if he had? The problem is with me Mom, not him. He has been a perfect gentleman.”
“Okay sweety. I just wanted to be sure. I love you.”
I felt a pang of guilt. “I love you too Mommy.”
Would Jason really keep his hands to himself though?
“Lynnnnn! Phooonne!”
I never can get decent sleep around here - it’s Saturday morning to boot! I grumbled and trudged out of bed in my nightgown and limped down the hall to Mom.
“Thanks Mom!” My eyes were still squint shut. It was a little after nine still, Uuuugghh!
“What?” I answered the phone in a surly tone of voice.
“Well, didn’t we get out on the wrong side of the bed this morning?” Mindy responded.
“Do you have any idea as to what time it is, Mindy?” I irratatedly asked. My tone of voice hadn’t improved.
“It’s almost noon and we have someone to meet at one.”
“Mindy, it’s a little after nine and you woke me up,” I whined.
“That’s just the point! You have a lot to do before you come over here.”
“Like what?”
“Like eat breakfast, shower, do your hair and makeup, find something to wear that’s going to look good for the guys and you still have to be at my house by twelve. I can’t believe you were still in bed,” Mindy exclaimed, in mock indignation.
“I’m sorry Mindy, I’m still new at this,” I groveled. I tried wiping the crusty sleep from my eyes.
“All the more reason to start getting ready, because it will take you longer, so get a move on girl. See you in a little while.”
I hung up the phone and joined mom in the kitchen.
“Morning Mom,” I said, yawning.
“Good morning sweetheart. Do you have any plans for today?”
“Yes, Mindy wants me to go to the mall with her.”
“Okay. I have a house to show so I’ll be leaving in an hour. Do you want me to drop you off at Mindy’s house?”
“I don’t think I’ll be ready by then. But I’ll start now and see.”
I quickly fixed a bagel with cream cheese and then headed to the bathroom.
I was still blow-drying my hair when Mom called through the bathroom door, “Honey, I have to head off. I see you aren’t done yet. You be careful and call me when you reach Mindy’s.”
“I will,” I replied.
I silently thanked God that Mom was leaving. I didn’t want her to see what I had in mind to wear. Mom was pretty liberal about most things, but I knew she would freak if she were to see what I was going to wear.
Let’s see, I ate my breakfast, showered, shaved my legs and washed and conditioned my hair. Hmm. Can’t do my makeup until I dress. Hmm. I am not forgetting anything.
I was worried that my forms might be loosening, but they were holding firm. I really wish they were real though. Maybe someday, I thought.
I looked at the clock and it was already past ten-thirty. I frowned. Mindy was right as usual. Being a girl does take a lot of time.
It took forever to dry my hair and style it somewhat. Thank God I had the common sense to pick out last night what I wanted to wear for today! I put on my bra and panties after pushing that ‘thing’ between my legs up inside of me, carefully. My blouse went on next and I carefully tied it under my breasts. My denim hip hugging, miniskirt and white canvass shoes finished my look. I applied a light amount of makeup, definitely accentuating my eyes with some light blue and mascara, but not too much. I looked in the mirror and knew that Rex would definitely be impressed. It was almost noon by the time I had finished my makeup.
I went out to our bus stop, and caught the bus over to Mindy’s. As I stepped down off the bus, I pulled out my cell phone and dialed Mom.
“Susan Collins, Coldwell Bank Realty.”
I held the phone close. “Hi Mom. You told me to call you.”
“Okay Sweety. Is everything okay?”
“Mmm hmm.”
“Have you decided where you would go to yet at the mall?”
I nervously licked my lips before saying, “Not yet. But I haven’t gone into Mindy’s house yet. I’m calling from outside her house at the Bus stop.”
I heard Mom laugh. Yeah, I probably should have talked to Mindy first before calling her.
“Just give another ring once you are at the mall and let me know something about where you will be and what time you’ll head back on home. Okay dear?”
“I will Mom. Love you.”
“I love you Lynn.”
I folded my phone closed and put it back into my purse. That thing is really handy!
Oh, well, here goes.
I walked up to Mindy’s and rang the doorbell.
The door whipped right open and Mindy’s jaw dropped.
“Oh my God! You are absolutely stunning!”
I blushed and looked demurely down.
“Lynn! For crying out loud! You are no novice to being a girl!” Mindy seemed more than just a little upset.
I whined, “What did I do Min? I was just a little embarrassed.”
“Lynn Collins! You know perfectly well how to turn boys on! You just provocatively showed me! Don’t you dare make any moves on my Charlie!”
What the Fudge?
“Mindy! Honestly. I don’t even really want to be doing this.”
Mindy huffed. She looked around real quick and pulled her purse on and shut the door. I noticed a few tears coming out of her eyes.
As we walked across her yard over to the bus stop, I took that moment to really look at what she was wearing. Mindy had dressed pretty much the same as me, except her blouse was more open than mine. I assumed that her parents had gone out for the day since she had dressed like that.
I really don’t know why Mindy just hauled off and was upset at me. It’s not like I offered to go do this, Mindy had to rope me into it. And secondly, I have not been a girl for very long! I really don’t know what I am doing. If Mindy says I’m a natural, then this just has to be my worst luck at doing this right then, because I truly have no idea just what it is I am doing.
“Mindy, come on,” I quietly spoke, concerned, “What’s bothering you?”
We stopped by the waiting shelter and sat down on the bench.
“You!”
“Me?” I replied, absolutely surprised.
Just then I noticed she had lowered her head and I heard her softly crying. I quickly reached into my purse and pulled out some tissues before pulling her to me and holding her.
I forced the tissues into her hand and got her to start dabbing at them to try and slow the destruction of her makeup down some.
“L-l-lynn… I’m ju-s-st s-so jealous! Y-you haven’t… been a girl long. And y-you look s-so much prettier… so much more beautiful than me!”
I sighed. “Mindy,” I quietly whispered, “You are just as beautiful as me.”
Mindy choked out, “No… I’m not.”
I couldn’t believe Mindy was doing this. Usually I would be the one upset at what was happening to me. But… this? Why would Mindy be jealous of me, a girl who isn’t quite a girl completely? I leaned my head against hers.
I offered, “I’ll go ahead, go back home, dress down and come back to go with you. Would that be okay Min?”
“No.” she moaned. Then, in a tone of resignation, she continued, “You just can’t help it Lynn. You are a beautiful person. Your personality, who you are — I feel it. I know the boy’s feel it… and they want you… for being that way. At school, you are the talk in the hallways. All I ever hear is how a lot of the girls are envious and jealous of you. The boys, they all want you.”
Snap! No Way!
“Well, Mindy, you have nothing to be jealous of. You know what happened with me — you were there. All of this, because of a practical joke. I’m actually envious of you Mindy.”
Mindy sniffled and looked up at me. “Why would you?”
It was my turn to hold my tears in. I choked out, “Because… because I can’t… have my own baby.”
Mindy giggled. “Lynn I know there are ways you could have one. Before you get your operation, they can save your… stuff… and can freeze it for future fertilizing.”
I didn’t know that! Hmmm!!!
“You can also adopt a baby too.”
“I’d rather be the one, you know, giving birth? I want to feel the baby growing inside of me. Its a special feeling, I really would like to feel.”
Mindy squeezed my hand.
“My one best friend, who used to be a boy… and I find out he wants to be a mother.”
I grinned. “You better believe it girlfriend. Being a mom is something I look forward to being one day. I actually adore my Mother and saw just how tough it is to be one. I want to be just like her and be a great mom for my own daughter, or son.”
Mindy eyed me with a fascination. “Lynn you just amaze me.”
“Well Min,” I confessed, as I saw the bus approaching us down the street, “I hope you don’t move away.”
Mindy saw the bus too and stood up. She asked, “Why’s that?”
“So we can babysit each other’s children.”
Mindy smacked my arm playfully.
“Being a Mother is the toughest job in the world. And we can help each other. I don’t ever want you out of my life Mindy.”
Mindy pulled her little makeup compact out and held onto it while the bus squeaked stop in front of us. We boarded the bus.
On the way down the aisle, past some men and some other teen boys, both of noticed how they all seemed to stare at me with want. Yeah, I guess Mindy is right. She usually is.
As we sat down, Mindy leaned and whispered a little harshly into my ear, “See? I told you so!! You just look hot.”
I saw that a couple of the boys were looking back my way and eyeing me.
Oh my Gosh! I blushed.
Mindy quickly began touching up her makeup.
To say that we received some looks would be an understatement. The women frowned at us and all the guys smiled. I guess we had done something right.
We entered the mall and found the guys. From the look on their faces I could tell they were thinking this was their lucky day, and they were probably right.
“Hi guys,” Mindy non-chalantly cooed.
“Wow! You look really amazing!” Charlie blurted, stating the obvious.
“Thanks,” Mindy blushed.
“Hello Lynn. You…you… look really nice!” Rex said, innocently.
Rex might have sounded innocent, but his eyes said something else entirely. I saw the aching desire he had for me.
“Hi Rex,” I softly answered. “Thanks.”
“We should hurry, because the show is going to start in a few minutes,” Charlie said.
“Okay,” we all replied.
Rex put his hand on my exposed hip above my skirt, the way he had his arm around my waist. His hand sent a shiver through my body. I needed to control how I felt!!! I just knew that this was going to be a very interesting afternoon.
The guys bought our tickets for the movie. I guess that’s one of the benefits about being a girl?
The movie we were seeing was Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World’s End.
Oops! I just remembered! I had to call Mom.
“Rex wait for me for a minute over there please? I need to call my Mom.”
“Okay.”
I walked over to a spot by a door and some movie posters where no one happened to be milling about and pulled my cell phone out. I dialed Mom and returned my gaze back over to Mindy, Charlie, and Rex, who were waiting by the ticket taker for me.
“Mom?”
“Hi Sweety!”
“Mindy and me are watching Pirates of the Carribean 3. The one with Johnny Depp.”
“Okay. What time are you looking at being back home by?”
“I think maybe four or fivesh?”
“Okay dear. I’ll probably be home about then too. Try and get ready and look nice, I’ll be taking us out to dinner at Red Lobster tonight. How’s that sound?”
Mmmmmm! My senses perked up that alright! I loved lobster!!!
“Fabulous Mom! I’ll be ready! Love you!”
“Love you too precious! See you.”
I closed the phone and put it back down into my purse.
We found our seats in the rear of the theater. Charlie said we should sit in the back row, and since the guys bought the tickets it really was their choice. I personally thought something closer to the screen, like maybe in the middle of the theater would be better, but what do I know?
“Would you like some popcorn?” Rex asked.
“Sure,” I responded. Free food? Who in their right mind would turn down something like that?
Rex returned about fifteen minutes later with a tub of popcorn and a drink.
“I hope you still like coke?” he asked hopefully.
“You remembered!” I flirted, smiling like he was my knight in shining armor!
“How could I forget,” he said, and kissed my cheek.
Woah! I wasn’t expecting that! I felt myself blush when he did that.
We ate the popcorn until the lights dimmed for the show. Rex placed the tub on the ground and placed his hand on my thigh. He began to caress my leg and it felt different from when Jason did the same thing. Instead of the touch being sensuous, and sending shivers of thrill up and down my being, it was coarse and rough feeling - not romantic at all.
Rex was on a mission and it didn’t take him long to move almost directly to my panties! What the Fudge! He hadn’t even kissed me properly yet and was already trying to do more than I would allow ANYONE to do until I was fixed to be a proper girl! I didn’t like what he was doing nor the speed at which he was doing it with either and pushed his hand away.
“Please don’t.” I softly requested. I was trying to be nice about this.
“Huh? What’s wrong?” he whispered back.
“Please don’t go there... between my legs,” I clarified in a quiet response.
“Why not?” he asked slightly louder, the indignation showing in his voice.
“Because I don’t want it,” I softly stated.
I really didn’t like what Rex was wanting from me. With Jason, I felt something special around him. With Rex, nothing at all. This was not like how he was the first time we had met. Then, when we sort of made out, he was a little more refined about it and did things a little more tactfully than he was doing now. I was in the mood for it then as well. Now, he is rough and forceful, and I was not even in the mood now for foreplay. I had absolutely no desire to make out with him.
Maybe I am growing up, or maybe what Dr. Kingston had said was beginning to make sense to me. I was playing with fire. And I knew that he was right. If Rex’s hand had traveled much farther… despite the way I could push myself up inside, if he had felt in there… I would be killed. Rex’s temperament and attitude gave me good reason to fear him if that happened.
“Charlie said you and Mindy both wanted this,” he mumbled.
I looked over at Mindy and Charlie and could see from the position of his hands… Mindy was more than wanting this! Asking for her opinion right now would be a waste of time.
“Rex,” I whispered into his ear, “I’m not Mindy. I would appreciate it, a lot, if you would respect me and move much slower. Please? I realize what we did the first time, but I would really like to know you better before I do something like that again.”
“Okay, if that’s what you want,” he replied, his disappointment showing in his voice.
I placed my hand on top of his. “Thank you,” I quietly finished, visibly showing relief.
Eventually, when the action in the movie picked up, Rex placed his hand around my shoulder and I automatically snuggled up close to him. I liked this part of being with a boy — being held and feeling safe. But I did not appreciate the way in which Rex had treated me earlier.
I wondered why Jason’s touch affects me like it does? Could it be my feelings for him are different than I would feel for Rex? Or was it something else entirely?
As the movie continued, Rex’s lips found mine. I did like the way he kissed and that started to change my mood. Our kisses continued and I began to relax a little too much. I didn’t realize what he was doing until I felt my breast form moving some on my chest. If he was caressing me before, I didn’t know it because of the lack of feeling. It was made out of some sort of rubber stuff.
I grasped his hand and casually pulled it away from my chest and put it back down around my waist. “Rex, please. That is entirely too quick for that.”
“Why not? I paid for your movie ticket?” he irratatedly defended himself.
“A movie ticket doesn’t give you the right to do whatever it is you want to me,” I argued.
I was pissed!!! If Rex had no better respect for me then I was getting out of here!
“Look at Mindy and Charlie!” he responded, angrily, “Mindy seems to be enjoying it.”
I looked back over at Mindy and saw that he was indeed right. Mindy and Charlie were locked in a kiss, and it wasn’t just any kiss. It looked as though his tongue was half way down her throat. Even more disturbing was where his hand was! Her short skirt was wrapped around her waist and his hand was deep inside her panties. Her legs had moved apart and… omigosh! Well… you get the idea! This was definitely NOT what I had in mind when I came here. If Mindy wanted to be a slut, then that was her business! I wasn’t going to join in no matter what Rex wanted! The first reason was an absolute given! My secret would be discovered! But more importantly, I wanted to remain and be a nice girl.
“Well guess what Rex? I’m not like that,” I angrily retorted.
“How do you know if you don’t try it?”
“Because! I have respect for myself! I’m going to save myself for someone special and someone who will treat me like a person, rather than…,” I pointed over at Mindy, “than that! And I’m not going to try it!”
Several nearby patrons looked over at us and said, “Would you mind taking your argument outta here? ... Hush!”
Omigosh! I am so embarrassed!
“Fine, it’s your loss,” he spat
“I guess it is,” I said and slammed my back deep into the seat, crossing my arms across my chest.
“Fine,” he snorted, having to have the last word, and did the same - crossed his arms.
If I wasn’t actually involved in this situation, I would have been laughing at our actions. We were both pouting like a couple of small children. Funny thing though is, it was all too real and made sense to me.
We remained like that until the movie ended. Mindy pulled her skirt down and noticed my disgusted look.
“What?” she asked incredulously
“You know what! I’ll talk to you later about it.”
We left the theater and parted company with the boys. I was really angry at Mindy’s lack of morality and she was pissed at me because of my actions with Rex.
“What’s with you?” she asked.
“What do you mean?” I responded, knowing full well what she meant, but I wanted to see if she had the gall to tell me.
“You know what I mean. You were a jerk with Rex!”
“Oh really Miss spread your legs? Just because I didn’t want to go there is no reason for you to be angry with me.”
“You almost ruined it between Charlie and me!” she angrily replied.
“And what was I supposed to do? Hello! Earth to Mindy! There is a difference between you and me!!! I’m sure your friend Rex would just love to find out about it,” I comically reminded her right to her face.
“Or perhaps you'd like to see me killed right in front of you?”
Mindy’s expression turned from anger to remorse when she remembered that I wasn’t like her, in more ways than one.
“I’m so sorry Lynn, I forgot. I keep forgetting that you aren’t like me yet,” she said with true regret.
“No I’m not Mindy. And after today I can see why your mother doesn’t want you to date yet!!!” I snapped. My anger still hadn’t subsided.
“What do you mean by that?” Mindy fired back.
“You know darned well Mindy. The whole theater could see where his hand was. Even I was embarrassed watching what he was doing to you.”
“You could?”
Mindy had been so turned on that she had no idea of what was happening around her. All she could think about was how good Charlie made her feel and not of how wrong it was to be doing it in full view of everyone else.
“Yes you could, and I wasn’t the only one to see what you were doing.”
“Others saw?” she exclaimed, her face turned a bright red.
“Absolutely. You should have seen the two boys three rows down watching you. I even think they were doing something themselves by watching you two go at it. I was so embarrassed,” I lied.
“Oh My God! Just shoot me now,” Mindy groaned.
I felt bad about lying to Mindy about those boys seeing her, but what she had done was wrong. Maybe she’ll think twice before she gets carried away in a theater again? I know I shouldn’t be so indignant. After all I did get carried away myself the last time I was with Rex. But I had done some growing up between now and then.
We didn’t talk to one another as we took the bus to Mindy’s house. I was still angry at Mindy, so my parting was short.
“Bye Mindy. I’ll call you later,” I quietly said.
“Bye Lynn, I’m truly sorry for…” she stopped. I could see the beginning of tears in her eyes, but I didn’t feel like saying anything more.
I walked home from there.
I needed to rethink my friendship with Mindy.
I love her to pieces, but now, I started to see just what kind of influence she was having on my life. If it weren’t for her I wouldn’t be walking home wearing a mini-skirt and a short blouse with my tummy exposed. I also wouldn’t be upset with the disrespect I had been shown to by a boy. In fact, I would still be a boy, as much as I hated that idea. Ugghh!
I could see just what my mother had concerning Mindy. Mindy jumped into things before looking at what the results might be. Charlie was a great example!. Mindy wanted to date so badly that she allowed herself to be used by a much more experienced boy. She thought she would be loved because she opened her legs to his hand! As crazy as it seems, I might have gone along with what she did too, if I didn’t have the wrong equipment between my legs at this moment. I’ve been a girl for only a few weeks and I was finding out just how hard it was to keep my head on straight. If Jason wasn’t really such a nice guy, I know I’d be in trouble! He treats me so nicely, I forget that I’m not a girl, and like Dr. Kingston warned, it could have fatal results.
Mom wasn’t home yet when I arrived, so I went to my room and stripped out of my blouse and skirt. I then prompty collapsed down onto my bed and closed my eyes. I wanted to forget about this whole afternoon! I let the tears drip out now.
I guess I must have fallen asleep. I was startled awake when I felt Mom's hands on my shoulder, gently shaking me.
“Hey there sleepy head,” she said with a smile. “Everything okay?
Mom had asked an innocent question, but will there be an innocent answer? I realized I was laying there in only my bra and panties. I knew that Mom also knew something was wrong. Mom had become my biggest supporter in all of this and had been nothing but honest with me with everything ever since finding out about my being a girl. Now it was my turn to return the openness she had begun sharing with me.
“We kind of had fun Mommy, but there are things I have to talk to you about. We met some boys at the mall and I didn’t tell you about it before we went. I know it was wrong, but I thought all we would do is see a movie. I’m very sorry Mom,” I replied, as tears filled my eyes.
Mom’s reaction wasn’t what I expected. I assumed she would go ballistic. She didn’t though, but had a look of deep concern on her face.
“Did something bad happen to you?” she asked, obviously concerned that she hadn’t been there to protect her daughter.
“No Mom, nothing bad happened. But it came so close to almost happening. The boy I was with… he wanted to, you know… do more than… make out,” I responded as the tears continued to flow. I sat up and pushed my head against my Mother’s soft chest and felt her arms hold me to her tight.
“Why was he like that?”
“Because,” I sniffled, “His friend told me that… Mindy… and I… wanted it! *sniff* *sniff* ”
Mom just cooed to me softly for a moment.
“Why would he get that idea?”
“Mindy… she… wanted…”
I could feel Mom tensing up!
“Ooo, I just knew that Mindy was trouble! What did that boy do to you?” she asked me, more out of concern than anger at Mindy.
“He rubbed my leg and felt my breast. I asked him to not to do it when he touched my leg, but later he went on ahead and felt my breast.”
“What did you do?”
“I got mad at him and ignored him after that. I was really angry and he knew it. But he was mad because I wouldn’t let him touch me.”
“Good girl! Now you know why I don’t want you dating boys yet! There is a lot to learn and you need to know what to do. Now, I’m not very pleased that you lied to me, well, not lie, but omitted important information from me. You could have been injured very seriously by that boy. Luckily, nothing bad happened. But I don’t want you doing what you did, ever again! Comprende?”
I looked up at her through tear blurred eyes and nodded.
“If you’re going to see a boy, I want to know in advance and well before. Let this be a lesson for you. Being a girl is dangerous, and even moreso, for you! When you see Dr. Kingston on Tuesday, I want you to tell him about today. Promise me?”
“Yes Mom. I promise, I will,” I sniffed.
“Okay. How about you go wash your face some and put on your nice green dress? Let’s treat you to your favorite food.”
I couldn’t believe she would still take me out after what I had just admitted to!!! I cried and just hugged her for everything I was worth.
How could I be so lucky to have an awesome parent like her?
To Be Continued...
Homecoming Princess - Found and Lost (Original)
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Homecoming Princess
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This is a story of a prank gone wrong. It is a stand alone tale but I have left the end open so that I might write several endings in the future, enjoy.
Homecoming Princess
By Arecee
It was the third week of the new school year and the students were becoming more at ease with each other. Mr. Copeland’s English class was becoming somewhat rowdy as the students laughed and joked with each other before class started.
Lynn Collins was somewhat of a joker and loved to tease other students. He never did it in a mean fashion but always in fun and the other students loved the way he did it. Lynn was a freshman at a new school and even though he was short in stature he was well liked. He was on the water-polo team so he kept fit from all of the exercise swimming brought. Lynn liked to wear his hair long because he knew it bothered his mother and it was another way to tease her about something or another. Lynn’s father had divorced his mother when she went back to work and began to make twice his salary and he felt threatened by her success, so he left them and never was heard from again.
Lynn was in the middle of one of his pranks when the rubber band that held his below the shoulder hair in a ponytail broke causing his hair to flow around his head. It was at this time that Mr. Copeland entered the classroom and saw the disruption going on.
“Miss Collins would you please be seated and settle down,” shouted Mr. Copeland.
“But I’m not a Mi,” replied Lynn before Mr. Copeland cut him off.
“Not another word Miss Collins or I will send you to the principal,” he said as he slammed his hand on the desk to emphasize the point.
Lynn didn’t say another word knowing that to argue now would be fruitless and that he would correct Mr. Copeland’s mistake about his sex at a latter date. One of his best friends Mindy looked at Lynn and started to laugh at Mr. Copeland’s error.
“Would you like to share your joke with us Mindy?” asked Mr. Copeland.
“I’m sorry sir, it was something I thought of, it won’t happen again,” she replied.
“I hope not, now class let’s review our lesson from yesterday.”
Class ended and as the students exited the room Mindy ran up to Lynn with a devilish look on her face.
“Lynn could you believe that, Mr. Copeland thought you were a girl.”
“It wasn’t my fault that my rubber-band broke and my hair went everywhere.”
“I think it’s a hoot. I was thinking that we should play a trick on him and let him think you are a girl and let the rest of the class in on the joke so every time he calls on you the class will know he is making a mistake and will love making fun of him, you know how anal he is about perfection.”
“That would be fun but I don’t know if I want to pretend to be a girl. I know I’m short but I doubt he will be fooled for much longer, we should forget about it, one mistake is enough.”
“Come on Lynn it would be fun, it’s not like you have to pretend to be a girl all day, just let your hair down when you go to Mr. Copeland’s class and tie it up afterwards, please do it, think of it as your own little joke.”
“I guess I could and besides it’s just for one class and you know how I love a good joke.”
Thus began Lynn’s daily joke on Mr. Copeland. He would take down his ponytail and brush his hair a bit to make it fuller and then he would enter the classroom and the rest of the class loved the joke knowing that Mr. Copeland truly thought Lynn was a girl, a somewhat rowdy one but a girl none the less. It was an easy mistake being as Lynn’s name could be a boy’s or girl’s depending on who had it.
Two weeks had past and Lynn was at Mindy’s home to do some homework on a joint project for Mr. Copeland’s class. Mindy looked at Lynn with that look again and started to smile.
“Lynn, I just had another idea for a trick to play only this time on the rest of the students.”
“What now? The last trick has lasted way to long, what do you have in mind?” asked Lynn as his curiosity got the best of him.
“You know how the homecoming game is only three weeks away and nominations are due for prince and princesses, well I was thinking that I should nominate you for one of the princesses.”
“Screw you Mindy, that’s not funny.”
“Yes it would be, just think of what the kids would do that we told about the joke and let the rest of the school vote on you for princess. Don’t worry you won’t win and it would be so much fun. After it was all over we could tell everyone and laugh ourselves sick, come on be a sport. All we have to do is make you up, take a picture to put on the posters that we will hang in the school and that’s all you have to do other than laugh about it later.”
“I think it’s dangerous for us to do something like that but as usual I’m always game for a good joke, besides what could go wrong?”
“Good I knew you would do it so I already submitted your name and the teacher coordinator accepted your entry and said that we must give her a picture tomorrow before school starts.”
“How are we going to do that?”
“I’ll make you up and style your hair, have you put on one of my blouses and that’s it since all they need is a head shot of you, come on this is going to be fun.”
“I guess it will be the ultimate joke, can you just imagine the look of surprise on the kids faces when we tell them the truth, I’m starting to laugh just thinking about it, this is so cool. Let’s get started.”
Mindy took out her makeup case and started on Lynn’s face. His eyebrows were a little bushy so Mindy plucked them enough to clean them up and made them look much more feminine while doing so, she was getting carried away with this disguise and didn’t realize she was. Next came the shadow, eyeliner and mascara. Mindy added a little blush, lined Lynn’s lips with a brush and finished with lipstick. She then brushed Lynn’s hair until it shined.
“Lynn, I’m going to style your hair like Sarah Jessica Parker’s except yours is auburn and hers is blonde. I just have to clean up the split ends and add some curl so it will look good but you will still be able to tie it back into a pony tail like always.”
Mindy worked on Lynn’s hair until she was able to frame his face just like Sarah’s. She stood back and gasped when she saw what she had done.
“Oh my,” she said.
“What’s wrong, do I look like a clown?” asked Lynn in dismay.
“Oh no, just the opposite, you’re gorgeous.”
“Let me see.”
“Turn around and look in the mirror.”
Lynn turned and looked. Staring back was the prettiest girl he had ever seen. Lynn was stunned, now he knew what could go wrong.
“Mindy, I think were making a big mistake, I can’t do this people will think I’m really a girl. We could get in a lot of trouble.”
“We won’t get in trouble since we are the only ones that know you are a boy and don’t worry Lynn, you won’t win. I talked to Ashley and she says that she already has enough votes to win so calm down. Lets just play the joke.”
“Alright, I guess your right, as long as there is no way that I can win.”
“Take off your shirt and put on this blouse and I will take your picture and then we will be done. Don’t worry about your jeans because all that will be seen is the top of the blouse so you don’t even have to worry about boobs. Look this way, smile, look sexy like the pretty girl you are,” flash went the camera, “Wait, let’s take one together,” flash went the camera, “Just one more,” flash, “There all done. Come here and look at the shots, do you like them, you look great,” Mindy said excitedly as the two teens viewed the digital screen on the camera.
“God, I do look good, if I didn’t know it was me I would vote for me, are you sure I won’t win?”
“You don’t have a chance so don’t worry.”
Mindy printed the picture and made several copies to turn in and then removed Lynn’s makeup and brushed his hair back into a ponytail.
“There we go, Lynn the boy is back and thank God, I was getting a little jealous of you. It isn’t fair when a boy looks better as a girl than a real girl does.”
“Well don’t worry it wasn’t that much fun. I think I can pass on doing it again although it was fun to see what I would look like as a girl. We had better get our homework done, it’s getting late.”
Mindy and Lynn finished their homework and Lynn went home. When he went to bed he was more than a little disturbed thinking about the beautiful girl he had become if only just briefly. He fell into a fitful sleep and dreamed about going to the mall with Mindy and buying clothes, girl’s clothes. He awoke in a sweat; never again will I try to look like a girl he thought to himself.
The next day Mindy turned the pictures in to Miss Benson.
“My goodness what a beautiful girl Lynn is,” commented Miss Benson.
“Yes she is but she is very shy and that’s why you really never notice her.”
“Well when the posters go up people will notice her, I wouldn’t doubt it if she were to win.”
“I seriously doubt that, I talked to Ashley and she said that she already had enough votes to win.”
“She might have enough freshman votes but the winner is the total of all the classes. Each class votes for one boy and one girl in each class and then the person with the highest total wins for that class with the senior class being the king and queen and the lower classes being the court of prince and princesses. Tell your friend not to give up hope just yet I wouldn’t be surprised if she were to win. I hope you put down her favorite charity because the school donates one hundred dollars to each winners choice.”
“I’ll tell her, she will be very excited.”
Mindy found Lynn and told him that she turned in the pictures.
“What did Miss Benson say when she saw me?”
“She said you were uncommonly beautiful but not to worry that Ashley was sure to win.” Mindy said hoping that her lie would pacify Lynn.
“That’s a relief, I don’t know what I would do if I won.”
The days past and all the votes were taken and Lynn’s greatest fear was realized, he won homecoming princess by a landslide. He couldn’t wait to see what he could do to rectify the mistake he and Mindy had made.
“Mindy what the hell have we done? I’m dead meat, I thought this would be just some silly prank now I feel like an idiot for doing this. Tomorrow we have to go to Miss Benson and tell her what we have done so Ashley can win instead of me.”
“I hope we aren’t expelled for doing this, maybe Miss Benson will laugh about it too but I doubt it, she’s really going to be pissed.”
The next morning the two evildoers were in Miss Bensons office confessing to what they had done as a prank.
“Are you trying to tell me that the girl pictured on the poster is really a boy? Do you know what kind of trouble you are in? As soon as the votes were counted Lynn’s donation was sent to the Cancer society with a picture of her as the person making the donation, as is the custom with every donation we make. During homecoming week each winner is required to present the check in person during a luncheon several days before the homecoming game. After that there will be pictures for the local paper taken before the parade and the next day a visit to the convalescent hospital to bring attention to the older people that live there and bring some happiness into they’re lives. There is also a complete makeover at the Styles Spa to help them promote their business the morning before the homecoming game and then there is the dance afterward which must be attended. Not only would you be prosecuted for fraud although minor, your extra school activities would be finished if you weren’t kicked out of school all together. You two had better think of a plan and tell me after school what you are going to do to rectify the problem, do I make myself clear?” stated Miss Benson with fire in her eyes.
Lynn and Mindy left her office shaking in fear.
“My God Lynn what are we going to do, if my parents find out what we have done they will ground me forever.”
“You’re worried about your parents? If my mom finds out that I was impersonating a girl she will break my neck. We have to think of something.”
“I hate to recommend this but maybe you could be a girl during the events and satisfy Miss Benson so that all the events are taken care of and then we will never do anything so stupid again.”
“And how do you propose that we do that. It’s one thing to do a headshot with a camera but another to have to present yourself in person as a girl at an event. Don’t forget all people could see of me was my head and shoulders. How am I going to pass as a girl from the neck down?”
“There are ways. Come to my house after school and I will show you how. After school we will tell Miss Benson of our plans and if you can pass as a girl for a few hours each day we will be saved.”
“I wish I had never let you talk me into this silly stunt, but now I guess we will have to try to make it right with nobody getting hurt in the process.”
Lynn and Mindy presented their plan to Miss Benson who warned them that if they were to be caught she would disavow any knowledge of the plan and they would be kicked out of school. She also added that if there was anything she could do to help just ask.
Lynn and Mindy met at Mindy’s home to see what they could do with Lynn.
“Lynn we are going to have to do this the right way from the beginning. We will have to work from the skin out. Fortunately you haven’t started puberty yet so you have no facial hair to worry about but as a girl you will have to shave your legs and underarms even though you just have light hair there. For this to work you are going to look and act like a girl even if what you do can’t be seen. Go into my bathroom and take a shower, shampoo your hair and while you are in there use my razor to shave. When you are done come back into my room and we will get started.”
Lynn entered the shower and did as directed. He washed his hair with scented shampoo and soaped and shaved as directed. His hair smelled like flowers and his legs had a new sensitivity of feeling that both disturbed and heightened new feelings in him. He knew it was wrong to be shaving his legs before he even thought of shaving his face but yet he liked the feeling of it. There was something girlish feeling about what he had done and yet he liked the feeling. Perhaps it was the fact that he had yet to have testosterone coarse through his body and he was yet very much like a young girl and doing something that an adult would do that caused these feelings even though it was what an adult woman would do. He finished washing and returned to Mindy’s room with mixed feelings of what was happening to him.
“Oh Lynn you smell pretty, put on these panties and sit at my makeup table so I can dry your hair and style it.”
Lynn reached for the panties and slid them up his clean shaved legs. They were a satin thong. He felt them slide up his legs and nestle over his under developed penis and then slip between his butt cheeks. Lynn liked the feel of them and wondered what else Mindy had in store for him.
Mindy dried his hair and brushed it out until it was styled and had a sheen that sparkled in the light.
“You have beautiful hair Lynn, I wish we could have it styled by a real hairdresser but I guess it will have to wait. Okay we have to start dressing you and see what we can do to give you curves. Here is one of my bras, let me help you put it on and then I will stuff it with some wash clothes to fill it out.”
Mindy fastened the bra behind Lynn’s back and stuffed the cups with the cloths. Just this small thing was awakening feelings in Lynn’s mind that were both disturbing and erotic at the same time. The tightness of the bra around his chest felt strange yet good at the same time. It was probably the fact that Lynn hadn’t started puberty that was intensifying these feelings within him.
“Lynn, you’re thin but you don’t have much of a waist so I’m going to put this waist cincher on you so you will look like you have curves. Suck in your stomach so I can fasten the hooks, pull in harder, just a little more, that’s it you’re hooked. Now I want you to put on a pair of my panty hose so we can see what your legs look like.”
Mindy showed Lynn how to put them on and not run them. Lynn’s legs were very nicely shaped from swimming, softly rounded calves and thighs instead of the harsh muscular definition he would have gotten if he were a runner. The sensation Lynn was getting from the panty hose was awakening hidden feelings in his mind and he was beginning to like them way too much.
“Lynn let me do your makeup now and then you can finish dressing.”
Mindy did Lynn’s makeup the same as the last time, then helped him to put on a skirt and sweater with a round neck cut low enough to make one want to see cleavage yet not so low as to expose that cleavage. The skirt fell to midthigh, as is the style of today’s girls. Mindy found a pair of two inch heels for Lynn to wear and he found them to be a little loose but they would do for now.
“Lynn I want you to stand for me so I can take a good look at you. Please turn around, careful don’t trip with those heels on, that’s it, slowly, wow, I think we did it. It’s a good thing you don’t go to school looking like that or all and I mean all the boys would be after you. You are beautiful. I want you to look in the mirror now and tell me what you think.”
Lynn looked in the mirror and almost fainted. He couldn’t believe the beautiful girl looking back at him was indeed a boy. Never had he experienced anything like this. He looked and looked trying to find anything that reminded him of the boy who should be looking back at him but couldn’t find anything at all. He was having mixed feelings, he knew this was wrong but he liked what he saw, he liked it a lot. As a boy he would be noticed as a cutup and prankster but beyond that he was just a little boy, but like this he was a beautiful young woman, one that would turn heads wherever she went. Lynn was liking this way too much.
“Lynn, what do you think, do you think you can pass for a girl next week?”
“Wow are you kidding, I’m gorgeous, maybe I should have been born as a girl instead of a boy.”
“Don’t be silly, when you get a little older and grow you will be very handsome but for now you will have to be a girl temporarily. I know you can pass with your looks but you will have to practice being a girl or maybe someone will see you acting like a boy and figure out what we are doing. You are going to have to learn to be a girl by next week. We will start tonight with walking and sitting and hand gestures, this is going to be a lot of work. Tomorrow we will have to get you some shoes that fit properly or you will break your neck walking. Tomorrow I will ask Miss Benson if she can get some silicone breasts for you that glue on because these don’t look right. Okay lets start practicing.
Lynn spent the next three hours walking, sitting, talking and using his hands more when he did. He learned how to get excited when they talked of boys and scream like a girl as his voice had not yet begun to change. Lynn was exhausted by eleven o’clock and couldn’t wait to get to bed.
“Wait Lynn, you have to remove your makeup and my clothes, hurry and I will show you how to do it.”
Mindy took Lynn into the bathroom and removed his makeup with cold cream and returned his hair to a ponytail. The disappointed look on Lynn’s face when he saw it without makeup wasn’t missed by Mindy.
”I know how you feel, I hate getting all dressed and made up and then have to take it off, it makes me sad too.”
“I don’t know how I should feel Mindy, I’m a boy and I shouldn’t have these feelings and yet I do feel sad that the girl Lynn is gone.”
“Don’t worry tomorrow the girl Lynn will be back so don’t be too sad.”
Lynn hugged Mindy and said, “Thanks Mindy, you’re a real friend.”
Lynn went directly to bed when he arrived home. His mother wondered what could have taken him so long with his homework but since he was with Mindy she didn’t worry.
Lynn fell asleep and this night he dreamed of being a girl again and hanging out with the girls at school talking about boys and fashion. This night however he didn’t wake as he had before but slept soundly and for some reason felt like he was a real girl.
The next day Mindy approach Miss Benson about the possibility of getting some breast forms for Lynn.
“Mindy I know where there are a pair and will have them for you this afternoon. Stop by on the way home from school and I will give them to you. By the way how does Lynn look?”
“Oh Miss Benson if Lynn were to come to school as a girl she would be the prettiest girl in the school. When he was dressed last night I couldn’t believe how he looked. The thing that was weird though was that after a little practice he was a girl. There was something inside of him that said girl not boy when he was dressed as a girl. It was as though he lost his male personality and became a girl through and through. I’m kind of worried that maybe he will like doing this too much.”
“I hope not but after he completes his task next week I’m sure he won’t be able to wait to become a boy again.”
“I hope so.”
Mindy picked up the breast forms and brought them home for Lynn to wear. Mindy had Lynn remove his clothing and put on a pair of panties. She then had him lay on her bed so she could attach the forms. She glued them on his chest and had him stand after the glue had set.
“How do they feel?” she asked.
“Heavy, but they make me feel as though they were really my breasts, they even bounce.”
“Luckily they are only a B size so my bras will fit you. Let me put some makeup on the seam so they will blend in and look real.”
Mindy blended the seam and true to her word the seam disappeared and it now looked as though Lynn had breasts. Mindy brought a lacy bra for Lynn to wear and showed him how to put it on.
“I want you to do it yourself, dressing yourself is part of being a girl and it will help you feel more like one.”
Lynn put on the bra as Mindy had shown him and it did make him have new feelings of femininity that he was becoming to enjoy. Mindy then had him do his own makeup but with a lot of coaching until it looked as though he was an expert at doing it himself.
“You have to be able to do your own makeup because I won’t always be here to do it for you, so you will have to practice when we get back from shopping.”
“What do you mean back from shopping?”
“I told you yesterday we had to get you some shoes and we might as well get you your own makeup because I don’t want to get an infection in my eye from sharing makeup. I wish we could pierce your ears while we are out but I guess that can wait. Here put on this blouse and these jeans and here are some white shoes you can wear. No heels yet because girls our age don’t wear heels except for important functions.”
Lynn put on the blouse and jeans and found that the low cut jeans were very tight and that the blouse only came down to his navel leaving his midsection exposed.
“Mindy, this blouse is too short, it only covers my breasts.”
“It’s supposed to be short, it’s the style.”
Lynn looked in the mirror and realized that Mindy was right, it was the style. What was more unsettling though was that Lynn looked really cute, for a girl. Even more so was that he liked looking like a cute girl.
“When are we going?” asked Lynn.
“Now, here’s a purse for you to carry, let’s go.”
The girls, for now Lynn was truly a girl, caught a bus to the mall. As they boarded the bus they could see a group of teenaged boys looking at them. Mindy thought nothing of the stares but Lynn was coming apart. He had never been stared at like this before and the fact that he was a boy did nothing to his confidence. He grabbed Mindy’s hand with fear racing through his body.
“What’s wrong Lynn?”
“Those boys are staring at us.”
“Well of course they are, they’re boys and we are girls and that’s what boys do.”
“Buy what if they see I’m a boy?”
“Girl friend that’s the last thing they are going to see. If you’re lucky one of them will ask you for your phone number and believe me one of them will. Now don’t forget when you sit down keep your legs together and cross your feet at the ankles because girls always sit that way even if they don’t have skirts on.”
Mindy and Lynn sat down and sure enough the cutest of the boys came over to ask Lynn for her number.
“Hi, my name is Dan. What’s yours?”
Dan was looking directly at Lynn as he talked.
“I don’t know if I should give it to you, I don’t even know you.”
“If I call you, you will get to know me. What’s your name?”
“Lynn and I don’t think my mother would like it if I gave it to you.”
“Please, I promise to be a good boy.”
Lynn giggled at that remark but she held firm knowing that if a boy were to call her for a date her mother would wring her neck.
“I can’t give it to you because I’m only fourteen and my mom says no boys until I’m sixteen.”
“What a loss, you’re so pretty, are you sure?”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t.”
Dan left to rejoin his friends. Mindy couldn’t help notice Lynn’s flirty interaction with Dan and started to wonder if what she was doing with Lynn was the right thing. Wearing her clothes was one thing but having a boy girl interaction was something quite different and she wasn’t sure if she liked what she had seen.
“Lynn, what do you think you are doing? You shouldn’t flirt with a boy like that, it’s the best way to get in trouble.”
“What was I supposed to do, tell him I’m a boy, I didn’t flirt with him I just tried to get rid of him.”
“Maybe you think you didn’t but that girlish little giggle and your actions said something else, I’m going to have to show you’re a different way to blow guys off than the way you did, although I must say you do have good taste in guys, Dan was cute,” Mindy said as the girls started to giggle.
The bus arrived at the mall and the girls exited near the entrance. Mindy watched Lynn walk to be sure he hadn’t forgotten his lessons from the night before. His walk was that of a fourteen-year-old girl and she was pleased. There was no mistaking Lynn for anything but a young girl going to cruise the mall with her tight low cuts, bare midriff and cute smile, yes Mindy was pleased, maybe they would get away with the deception after all.
“Come on Lynn lets go into Forever Twenty-one, they have the best styles.”
“Mindy, I don’t have that much money on me to buy a lot of clothes.”
“Silly, were not going to buy them, were just going to try them on, that’s what girls do.”
“You want me to try them on?”
“Of course, you’re a girl now and it will help you feel more like one.”
“What if someone sees me?”
“Of course they will see you just like they will see me and the rest of the girls in the store, don’t worry you will look just like the rest of us only prettier.”
“Okay, I’ll try but if I freak out we will have to leave.”
“You won’t freak out, once you get started trying on outfits I will probably have to drag you out of the store.”
The girls entered the store and went to the racks of clothes and started to search for the perfect outfit. Lynn watched as Mindy looked at each piece and taking several out to try on. Lynn was frozen with fear not knowing what he should do so as not to stand out from the rest of the girls.
“Lynn, I’m picking these out for you to try on but you will have to do the same or someone will think you’re strange not looking for something to wear.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“Just go into your size section and look at the styles and pick something you like and then we will try them on.”
“What size am I?”
“The same as me, size three, I’m looking at skirts and blouses for you so look in the dress section and pick something out to try on.”
Lynn went to the dress section and began to look at the dresses. He was amazed at the different styles, colors and fabrics available. He finally got the nerve to touch the forbidden articles and to finally select several of the dresses to try on. He went to find Mindy so she could guide him on the next step to femininity.
“Come on Lynn let’s try all these outfits on.”
The girls went to the changing rooms and tried on all the clothing. Lynn did so with trepidation at first but as he continued his confidence grew until he blurted out to Mindy, “This is so much fun and I love some of these clothes, I want to buy them.”
“What are you going to do with them, remember this is to help teach you about girls not turn you into one, I know how you feel though, once you try them on you want all of them. Let’s go to Wet Seal and see what they have to offer.”
Lynn realized that Mindy was right he was indeed a boy and this was part of the process to learn to better pass as the girl he was to be temporarily.
The two friends spent the rest of the day shopping and finally Mindy realized that they hadn’t bought the shoes for Lynn to wear at the homecoming parade and dance.
“Quick lets get your shoes for the homecoming before the stores close. I have just the outfit at home for you to wear but we need shoes that fit you properly or your feet will hurt all night long, come on let’s go to Cathy Jeans.”
The girls entered the store and began their search. Mindy suddenly stopped and screamed, “Lynn these are perfect, God they’re so sexy. Excuse me miss do you have these sandals in red?”
“What size?” asked the sale’s girl.
“Size six I think, isn’t that your size Lynn?”
“I guess, let me try them on.”
The girl returned with red size six sandals for Lynn to try on.
“You will have to wear these peds before you try on the shoes,” said the girl as she handed Lynn the peds.
Lynn put the tiny nylon pieces on his feet and then slipped the sandals on his feet. He buckled the tiny straps around his ankles and stood up wearing three-inch heels for the first time in his life. Mindy grabbed his arm so he wouldn’t fall over. Lynn looked at his feet, first in the mirror and then straight down. Never had he seen anything that looked so sexy, tiny red straps going everywhere on his feet and the spike heel, so hard to balance on yet only adding to the effect the shoe projected, all he could do was sigh.
“How do they feel, are they comfortable, do they hurt, try to walk.”
Lynn was able to walk without too much help from Mindy and discovered that they did feel wonderful on his feet.
“They feel perfect,” said Lynn with a smile on his face.
The girls then went to Victoria’s Secret after purchasing the heels to buy Lynn his own panties and bra to wear with the dress Mindy was going to loan him. Lynn bought three pairs of thongs, one bra to wear with the dress and two pairs of nude pantyhose.
“God Mindy that stuff is so expensive, why didn’t we just buy some inexpensive panties and a bra from Sears?”
“Because when you wear my dress I want you to feel sexy from the skin out and nice lingerie is the best way. You might as well splurge once in your life since all this stuff will be gone after next week anyway.”
“I guess your right and it did feel special on me.”
The girls returned to Mindy’s home to transform Lynn back to his male self. It was Friday night and Lynn was to be home by ten so they had to hurry. The transformation took place and Lynn left for home. As he entered the front door of his house his mother was waiting for him.
“Lynn where have you been all afternoon and evening?”
“I was with Mindy, we went to the mall.”
“Well I wish you would at least let me know what you are doing so I won’t worry about you. It sounds like you and Mindy are spending a lot of time together, is she your girl friend?”
“Come on mom, you know Mindy and I are just friends.”
“Just be careful, you never know.”
Lynn blushed and said goodnight and walked to his room. His mother couldn’t help but notice that Lynn was walking with a flirty sway to his hips.
“Lynn why are you walking that way?”
Lynn not realizing that he was walking like Lynn the girl and not Lynn the boy answered, “What do you mean?”
“You’re walking like a girl.”
My God thought Lynn after being a girl all day he forgot that he was a boy again.
“I’m sorry mom, you know how I love to tease you. It won’t happen again.”
“I hope not, you’re short and thin enough and with that long hair you refuse to cut someone might mistake you for a girl so quit fooling around.”
“Okay mom, good night.”
Lynn went to his room and couldn’t believe how exciting his day had been and then he was almost caught by his mother, he vowed to be more careful.
Lynn fell asleep and dreamed of his day again and of being that desirable girl. He relived all the adventures except when it came to Dan, this time he flirted with him again and when Dan kissed him, he kissed back. Lynn shot straight up in his bed; eyes wide open, wondering what the heck was going on in his mind. He liked girls he thought but maybe not, how could he tell, he hadn’t even started puberty and maybe as a girl he did like boys. The mind game he was playing on himself was becoming very difficult to understand, at least in another week it would all be over.
The next morning Mindy called and asked Lynn to come over to her house to practice some more.
“Mom, Mindy just called and wants me to come over to study some more. Since it’s Saturday is it alright if I go?”
“That should be okay, but if you go somewhere call and let me know. I might be going out with a friend from work and I might be late coming home so be careful when you come home. Make sure you have your key.”
“Thanks mom.”
Lynn called Mindy and told her that they could spend the whole day together.
“Oh wow, that is so cool, that means we can be girl friends all day, hurry and get over here,” replied Mindy.
Lynn rode the bus to Mindy’s home and reflected on thoughts of what went on the previous few days. Lynn went from nice fun boy to beauty queen girl in just a few hours and was having strange thoughts about what was happening. He knew he shouldn’t like what was happening but he was. The change was exhilarating to him, almost like a chameleon changing colors to blend in and not be noticed. He was also excited with the feelings he got when boys reacted in a way that girls never did when he was a boy. He knew it wasn’t right but he liked these feelings and he liked the sexual feelings it gave him, ones he didn’t get when he was a boy. He almost wished he would hurry up and become a man so he could see what it was like to feel sexual as one. Perhaps it was the lack of testosterone and the small influence of the natural estrogen in his system that was making him feel this way. By the time the bus reached Mindy’s home Lynn was beside himself with self-doubt about his sexuality.
Lynn entered Mindy’s home and told her that they needed to talk.
“Mindy, I don’t think we should do this anymore. My mind is all messed up with thinking about being a girl. It was hard enough just trying to be a boy and now I’m trying to be a girl and it scares me.”
“Lynn relax, you are doing fine, you act just like a girl when you are dressed and you’re just nervous because you think someone will discover that you are a boy when we are out. The best way to feel better is to practice more.”
“I don’t want to practice more because it’s becoming to easy for me to feel like a girl and like last night when I got home I forgot and was walking like one and my mom wondered what was going on.”
“That’s a good sign, maybe we can pull this thing off. It’s important for you to be feminine without thinking about it when you go to the different events so you’re not discovered.”
“I guess you’re right, it’s just so confusing for me at times. First I feel like a boy and then I feel like a girl. So what do you want to do today?”
“I want to go shopping again only this time we will go over to the East Mont mall. No one knows us there so it will be easier for you to relax when we shop and the kids won’t be so likely to discover what we are doing. My mom went to the salon to have her hair done and won’t be home for hours so we can get ready before she gets home and be gone when she does.”
“What should I wear?”
“Come on I have just the outfit.”
Lynn and Mindy went to Mindy’s room and she handed a pair of shorts and a blouse to Lynn.
“Lynn I want you to take a shower again and shave your legs to be sure there is no stubble. When you are done I will glue your forms on and do your hair. I want you to try to do your own makeup again today so when we are out I won’t have to do it for you.”
Lynn went into the shower and washed his hair with the fragrant shampoo and shaved his legs once again. This feminine gesture was once again was playing havoc with his brain. The increased sensitivity of his legs was pushing him in a direction he didn’t want to go and yet he couldn’t stop the new need to continue. Lynn exited the shower and found his new panties waiting for him. He slid them up his legs and felt the soft feel of satin creating a new feeling of femininity in him. Yes he thought, maybe I will be able to get through the next week after all if it is going to feel like this. The panties cradled his tiny penis and made it almost disappear.
“Lynn hurry up the cement has to dry so your breasts don’t fall off. Lay here so I can put them on.”
Lynn lay on the bed and Mindy fixed them to his chest. After the glue had set Lynn sat up and Mindy gave him a bra to help support the weight of the breasts. Lynn then tried to put on his makeup while Mindy did his hair. When they were finished Mindy had Lynn do his makeup over until it was right.
“Lynn you have to practice doing your makeup until you get it down right but we will do that when we get home after going to the mall.”
Mindy blended the seam on the forms with makeup until you couldn’t tell they weren’t real breasts. Lynn put on the shorts and a tiny blouse that showed some cleavage. He stood back and looked in the mirror.
“Mindy, I don’t think this is such a good idea, look at me, I look hot, I feel like I have almost nothing on.”
“Lynn you look like any other girl going to the mall trying to attract boys and shop. Yes you do look hot and thank God you do. I would hate it if you looked like a football player in a dress. Relax have some fun and see what being a pretty girl is like. Don’t worry I won’t let anything happen to you.”
“I know you won’t but I’m not sure that I’m ready to attract boys just yet, heck I don’t even attract girls.”
“Lynn you’re so silly, come on lets go, it’s getting late.”
The girls rode the bus to the mall to shop. They were on their third store when Mindy spotted a boy she had met the last time she had shopped here.
“Oh my God, oh my God, it’s Charlie, Lynn quick let’s go say hi.”
Lynn looked up and saw two boys and before he could say anything Mindy waved.
“Mindy what are you doing?” Lynn asked with fear running through him.
”Waving to Charlie, God he’s so cute. I met him last time I was here and didn’t give him my number and I was afraid I would never see him again. Come on just go with it, there is nothing to worry about were only going to talk to them.”
Lynn ran to catch up with Mindy and twenty feet later Mindy was introducing Lynn to Charlie and his friend Rex.
Charlie and Rex were fifteen-year-old boys that went to a private boy’s school in the area and were quite handsome. They both played football for their school and were in very nice shape. Lynn couldn’t help but notice the boys looking at her breasts and the exposed cleavage. She was becoming very uncomfortable with the attention.
“So Charlie what are you two doing here?” asked Mindy.
“We just came to hang out,” replied Charlie, “What about you?”
“Lynn and I came to shop.”
“Would it be alright if Rex and I hang out with you and Lynn?”
“Sure I would like that, what about you Lynn, is it alright?”
Lynn was flustered, he didn’t know what to say, he didn’t want to be with the boys but knew Mindy did and Mindy was his friend so he acquiesced, “I guess it would be okay.”
The boys and girls spent the next hour wandering the mall getting to know each other better. They paired up, Mindy with Charlie and Lynn with Rex. Lynn was becoming more at ease with his new being and sex and was enjoying the attention Rex was bestowing on him.
Charlie looked at Mindy and asked, “Could we take you and Lynn to the movies, there is a new scare movie playing?”
“Of course you can, we would love to go.”
Lynn looked at Mindy as if she had lost her mind.
“Lynn and I have to go to the bathroom, we’ll be right back.”
Mindy grabbed Lynn and pulled her to the girl’s room.
“Lynn relax, nothing is going to happen except we get to see a free movie. These guys are nice and won’t do anything we don’t want them to do so don’t worry, let’s go.”
Lynn was at a loss for words and followed Mindy numbly back to the boys. The boys purchased the tickets and escorted the girls to their seats and went out to buy popcorn and drinks.
“What if Rex tries to do something to me, like kiss me?” asked Lynn.
“Just turn away if you don’t want him to and if you do want him to, kiss him.”
“I couldn’t do that I’m a boy and it wouldn’t be right.”
‘Lynn you’re not a boy right now, you’re a girl and a very pretty one at that so just go with the flow. We just got free tickets to a show and now we are getting free popcorn and drinks. The reason is that we are girls not a girl and boy. Just think of it as more training to be a girl.”
By this time the boys had returned with the treats and the lights dimmed so the movie could start. The movie started and the girls and boys ate as much of the popcorn as they wished and set the container on the floor. As the movie progressed Lynn was becoming chilled because the air-conditioner was set at a low temperature and her clothing really wasn’t meant to keep her warm. Rex became aware of Lynn’s discomfort and put his arm around Lynn’s shoulder. Being new at the game of love and seduction Rex was hoping he wasn’t being to forward and scare this gorgeous girl off. Lynn on the other hand was feeling cold and Rex’s warm arm felt good so he moved closer to feel the heat radiating off Rex’s body. Rex took this as a signal that the girl liked him so he pulled her tighter to his body. Lynn was getting caught up in the movie and was enjoying the warmth coming from Rex. Lynn jumped when the movie startled him and he turned to Rex. Rex misinterpreted this gesture as a signal that Lynn wanted to be kissed. Rex moved his lips to Lynn’s and gave her a kiss. This was Lynn’s first kiss from either a boy or a girl and he was startled once again. He wanted to pull back, he wanted to push this boy away, he wanted to slap him, he wanted to tell him he was a boy, he wanted to, he wanted to, he, sigh, she wanted to wait a little longer until she pushed him away, maybe he would stop if she put her arms around his neck and pulled him tight, maybe he would never stop if she were to move even closer to him and maybe the glow in her stomach would last forever, maybe, maybe. Rex finally ended the kiss which may have lasted one second or one minute, Lynn didn’t know, she only knew that at this minute she was truly a girl and she had a crush on a boy named Rex. The movie continued and the kisses grew longer and more frequent and Lynn was becoming more inflamed. Lynn was lucky that Rex was a nice boy and inexperienced at this seduction or Lynn would have been in trouble. She was feeling a want for some kind of relief and it wasn’t coming from her still flaccid penis but from somewhere else within, she was becoming a woman.
The movie ended and the couples left. Lynn gave Rex her number against her better judgment but couldn’t help herself, she was in love. The two girls left the boys and went home. When they arrived Mindy’s mother was home and she was waiting for the girls.
“Mindy you were supposed to call me if you were going to be late. Who is your friend?”
“I’m sorry mom this is Lynnnn uh Linda from school. She just moved here and we went to the movie at East Mont mall.”
“Well I hope this doesn’t happen again or you will be on restriction.”
“Yes mom, I’m sorry.”
The girls went to Mindy’s room and started to talk.
“Mindy, I can’t believe your mom didn’t recognize me, I thought I was dead.”
“Why would she recognize you, I told you that you were too beautiful to be a boy. She only knows you as Lynn the boy and not as the pretty girl you are now.”
“I know but I still can’t believe it. God I had so much fun at the mall and Rex is so cute.”
“Yes he is and this is what I mean by you being a girl, now you sound like one and are acting like one, I think we will be able to get away with you being one next week. All you have to do is remember how you feel now and no one will ever dream you’re not a girl. I can’t even believe your not one.”
“I even feel like I’m one right now. I hope I can go back to being Lynn the boy, this is scary.”
“Don’t worry this is just a role you are playing, you will be fine.”
Lynn changed back in to the person that came over to Mindy’s home that morning and was able to leave without Mindy’s mother seeing him go out the door.
“Nice meeting you Mrs. Swanson,” said Lynn as the door shut.
Lynn entered his home and was trying to be careful not to sway his hips again. His mother looked at him and noticed something different about him. Perhaps it was the slight curl in his ponytail or something else but there was something, she just couldn’t quite put her finger on it.
“Did you and Mindy finish your project?”
“Yes but next week we are on the committee for the homecoming dance so we will be busy all day Saturday.”
“What time will you have to leave next week?”
“Around eight in the morning.”
“Okay, don’t worry I will get you up. You seem different, are you alright?”
“I’m fine mom, why do you ask?”
“I don’t know it’s just something moms feel when there is something out of the ordinary like the curl in your ponytail.”
“Oh that Mindy was playing around with my hair and wanted to see how her new hot curler worked and she got carried away. I’ll go wash my hair and it will be straight again.”
Lynn ran off to his room nervous again that he had slipped up again. Hopefully this whole thing would be over before he made a mistake again. Just then the phone rang and he dashed to answer it before his mom did.
“Hello.”
“Hi Lynn, this is Rex, I just wanted to call to tell you that I was thinking about you.”
“I’m glad you called, I miss you.”
“I miss you too. When can I see you again?”
“I don’t know, my mom won’t let me date yet.”
“Maybe we can meet at the mall again.”
“Maybe we can we’ll see, I have to go now, I’ll talk to you soon.”
Lynn hung the phone up and started back to his room.
“Who was that?” asked his mother.
”Oh just a friend from school,” he answered.
“Okay.”
Lynn turned and ran to his room, hips moving with that flirty little sway again.
“Lynn, I told you not to do that when you walk, now stop.”
“Sorry mom,” he said with a dreamy look in his eyes.
Lynn spent Sunday at home with his mother and helped clean the house and his room. He talked to Mindy and told her that he mentioned to his mother that they were on the homecoming committee and they would leave early the next week.
Monday came and Mindy reported to Miss Benson on their progress.
“Miss Benson, Lynn is doing perfectly. He is so much like a girl when he is dressed like one that he is almost like another person. He becomes a girl all the way through, it’s creepy the way he does it. I hope we aren’t doing something to him that can’t be fixed afterward.”
“I’m sure he will be okay after this is over but you two should have thought of that before your little prank. Tell Lynn that the luncheon for the cancer society is Wednesday and he can change in my office before we have to go. I want you to help him and provide him with something appropriate to wear. What ever it is you provide it should be dressy prep if you know what I mean, no jeans or shorts.”
“Yes Miss Benson.”
Mindy told Lynn of the schedule for Wednesday and they made their plans on how to succeed.
“Lynn I hate to tell you this but you are going to have to wear a skirt and sweater to the luncheon. I’ll have them for you to wear on Wednesday but you will have to buy some shoes and a new bra. The one we bought for the dress on Saturday won’t work with the sweater and I don’t have shoes that fit you and your tiny feet. If we go now we can get it done and be home for dinner.”
“Mindy I can’t go like this, these are my boys clothes.”
“Yes you can, just put on a little mascara and lipstick and comb out your hair and you will look better than half the girls that go to the mall after school.”
“Are you sure, I don’t want to make a fool of myself.”
“You will be fine.”
Lynn and Mindy went to the mall and ended up at Cathy Jean again and purchased a pair of black pumps with two-inch heels. Next came Macy’s where Lynn purchased a white lacy bra to wear under his sweater. The girls rushed home so they would arrive before their parents got home. Lynn ran into his home and looked in the mirror and realized that he forgot to remove his makeup and pull his hair back into his ponytail. He heard the key in the door and panicked. He rushed to the bathroom and locked the door as his mother entered the house.
“Lynn, I’m home.”
Lynn answered, “I’m in the bathroom, I’ll be right out.” He didn’t realize that when he did so he did it with a girlish lilt to his voice.
Lynn washed the makeup off and returned his hair to its rightful place in the back of his head.
“Hi mom, gosh I missed you today, how was work?” Lynn said, still not quite back to his male self.
“Work was fine, what has gotten into my little boy to make him so nice today?”
“I don’t know, it’s just so nice to see you.”
“Is there something your not telling me? The only time you’re like this is when you’ve done something wrong.”
“Can’t I just be nice for no reason for a change?”
“Yes you can and I like that you are, I hope you can be more like this more often.”
“I think I will be mom, it’s nice being this way.”
“So why are you so giddy this afternoon?”
“I don’t know, Mindy and I went to the mall to find some things for the homecoming dance and it was so much fun, she’s such a good friend.”
“You must really like her, even your voice is beginning to sound like hers.”
“Oh mom, as soon as I start changing into a man it won’t then, it will get lower.”
“I guess it will, I just hope you don’t change too much when it happens, your such a kind boy, it would be a shame if you became a jerk.”
“Don’t worry mom I won’t.”
“Don’t be so sure, hormones are powerful things. I’ve seen boys change into men and once they began puberty they changed into macho idiots. All they could think about was how fast they could get into our pants or get into a fight. Please don’t become that way, promise?”
“I promise mom, I won’t.”
“Okay then off to do your homework while I cook dinner.”
Lynn went to his room and did his homework, finishing in about two hours. After he was done he ate dinner with his mother and when he was finished he gathered the dishes and washed them without being asked.
“Lynn what has gotten into you, you never do chores without being asked.”
“I don’t know mom it just felt like the right thing to do.”
“Well I hope you don’t change, it’s nice to have a thoughtful child in the house for a change.”
Lynn finished and went to bed. Rex didn’t call but that didn’t stop Lynn from dreaming about him and the kisses Rex gave to him. Lynn woke with a smile and couldn’t wait to get to school.
Tuesday passed slowly and when school finally ended Mindy dragged Lynn to Miss Benson’s office.
“Lynn are you ready for tomorrow?” asked Miss Benson.
“Yes I am,” replied Lynn.
“Good, make sure you and Mindy bring everything to school tomorrow and you can come here after third period to change. I will give you a pass so you won’t get in trouble with your teachers. Mindy can help you change and then I will escort you to the Cancer society meeting. All you will have to do is eat a little lunch, present the check to them and tell them how proud you are to be there and then we will come back and you can change. You should be back before the end of school.”
“Yes Miss Benson, I’ll be ready.”
“I hope so Lynn, I really hope so.”
Lynn went to sleep that night and had a very fitful sleep. He kept dreaming of the wind blowing his skirt up and everyone could see his penis. They all started to chase him and the harder he ran the slower went. He would wake just before the crowd was going to catch him. “Boy, Boy,” they would yell. “No I’m not, I’m a girl,” he would shout back
“No you’re not,” they would shout. “Yes I am, this is a mistake,” he would say as he pointed at his penis. “Cut it off, cut it off,” the crowd would shout. “Please leave me alone, I would if I could,” he cried as the tears came. Lynn woke and sat straight up in his bed, tears streaming down his face. His mother entered his room to see what the shouting was about.
“Lynn honey, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
“Mom I had the worse dream, people wanted to hurt me.”
“Don’t worry honey, I won’t let anything happen to you, I love you so much,” she said as she cradled him to her breast.
Lynn snuggled against his mother and felt the fear disappear in his mother’s love.
“Thank you mom, I feel better now.”
Lynn went back to sleep and didn’t have anymore nightmares that night.
Wednesday arrived and it seemed that first, second and third periods were ten minutes long they went so fast. It was time to go to Miss Benson’s office to get ready.
“Mindy do you have everything for Lynn to get ready?” asked Miss Benson.
“Yes I do. Here Lynn take this bag into Miss Benson’s restroom and change into your panties and bra. We won’t glue your forms on today so it will be easier to change back when we return to school.”
Lynn went into the restroom and changed. He was reluctant to exit with Miss Benson in the other room.
“Come on out Lynn, you’re not the first girl I’ve seen in just a bra and panties,” stated Miss Benson.
Lynn exited feeling very self-conscious. Mindy had him sit and put on his panty hose and then made Lynn’s face up and styled his hair. Mindy had brought a soft sleeveless pink sweater with a V neck and low cut back. The gray skirt came about two inches above his knees. Lynn then put on his heels and looked in the mirror. He was beautiful.
“Lynn you are so pretty, I can’t believe that you are really a boy,” said Miss Benson.
“Thank you, I guess,” said Lynn.
“You should feel proud to have such beauty. Let me take a look at you to be sure there is nothing amiss.”
Miss Benson looked and had Lynn walk across the room. Lynn turned and walked back. Her walk was perfect, soft and feminine, better than a lot of the real girls in the school. Miss Benson also noticed that Lynn was radiating an inner beauty that couldn’t be painted on like makeup, Lynn was a girl and proud of it.
“Lynn how do you feel?”
“I don’t know, a little scared I guess.”
“Don’t be, you’re beautiful and sexy, hold your head high when you walk, let everyone know that you are a princess.”
Lynn felt her eyes begin to tear with happiness.
“Stop, don’t you dare cry or I will have to fix your makeup,” said Mindy.
“I won’t, I promise,” giggled Lynn, a most feminine gesture.
The two girls and their teacher left and went to the meeting. Lynn was a huge hit with all the ladies at the luncheon. They couldn’t help but fawn over such a pretty young woman. Lynn made her speech and then the girls left and returned to school. Lynn was relieved that everything went so well.
“Girls don’t forget that on Saturday Lynn is to have her makeover at 9 AM at the Spa so don’t be late. The other girls will be there also and you will have a chance to meet them. Lynn you were perfect today and I’m very proud of the way you handled yourself, the ladies loved you. I’m sure there were many that would have loved to bring you home with them, see you at the parade Saturday,” said Miss Benson.
“Thank you Miss Benson, I had a wonderful time at the luncheon and all the ladies were so nice to me, I wish I could do it again.”
“They were nice because they thought you were a lovely young woman, it’s almost a shame that you have to become a boy again, you really seem to shine as a girl.”
“It is fun being this way and for some reason my confidence seems to grow when I’m dressed as a girl but I know it’s wrong so next week it’s back to being a boy full time.”
Lynn finished changing just in time for school to let out and made plans with Mindy to meet at 7 AM to get ready on Saturday.
When Lynn reached home he did his homework and waited fore his mother t arrive from work. When she arrived at home they ate a take out dinner while Lynn told his mother of his plans for Saturday.
“Mom, I’m going to be gone all day Saturday. Mindy and I are on the homecoming committee and we are meeting at 7 in the morning. We will be busy all day so I won’t be home until after the homecoming dance so you won’t have to wait up for me.”
“I normally would wait for you but I am going to a wedding shower for one of the girls at work and I probably won’t be home until after midnight, but I expect you to be home right after the dance. When you get home I want you to call me on my cell phone so I know you are safe. What time does the dance let out?”
“I think around ten-thirty so I should be home by eleven or so.”
“Okay, just be careful.”
“I will, love you mom.”
Thursday and Friday came and went and the time seemed to fly at times and drag at others. Lynn was apprehensive yet excited at the prospect of becoming a princess once again. The experience at the cancer society as a princess and as a young woman was pushing him ever so slightly towards a need he didn’t yet understand.
Friday night Lynn slept and dreamed once again of being a princess only this time she was the princess of a realm. He was dressed in a great flowing strapless gown with many petticoats to fill it out. He was riding in a carriage drawn by many horses and driven by a man in a uniform. When the carriage reached it’s destination a footman opened the carriage door for Lynn to exit into the arms of a Prince. The Prince was Rex. Rex kneeled at her feet and proposed marriage.
“Oh my darling Prince, I can’t marry you just yet as I’m only fourteen years old and I’m still a boy.”
“I will wait for you until you are old enough to marry my dearest,” he responded.
“You would wait for me?”
“Yes for I truly love the beautiful princess you’ve become.”
“But I’m still a boy.”
“No you’re not for you became a girl when you became a princess. Only a girl can be a princess, for if you were truly a boy you would be a prince and not a princess.”
“Oh my dearest Rex of which you speak must be true, I am a girl through and through and I will marry you when I am old enough, kiss me my dearest.”
Rex took his princess into his arms and kissed Lynn deeply filling her with love that only two people could have in the perfect world of dreams.
Lynn’s alarm went off at 6 AM and broke the magic spell only two lovers could have. He rubbed his eyes and searched his room for his magical prince. Ugh he thought, time to get up and catch the early bus to Mindy’s. Lynn pulled on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt and raced to catch the bus, which was early for a change. He arrived at Mindy’s and she opened the door for him.
“Hurry you have to take a shower and get ready. Don’t forget to shave your legs and underarms while you are in there.”
Lynn did as he was told and exited to find a pair of red satin thong panties to put on. He pulled them up his smooth legs and reveled at the sexiness of the fabric as it slid against his skin. Mindy entered the room and pulled him to her bed and had him lie down so she could position his breast forms perfectly. Mindy applied cement to the forms and held them in place until they set.
“I put a little extra cement on the forms today because I don’t want them falling off. They may take a little longer to remove but it will be worth it. Put a little makeup on, not too much because they will remove it at the salon anyway and put your hair back into your ponytail only make it a little higher on your head like a girl would wear it. Put on these shorts and this blouse so we can get going. We will come back he later so you can dress for the parade and dance. My mom knows you are a princess except she thinks you are a girl named Linda so as long as you look like a girl there will be no problem.”
Mindy applied some makeup to the forms and blended them with extra care this day so that they would appear as normal breasts. When she was done Lynn was once again a pretty girl on her way to the salon for a makeover. The two girls rushed to the bus for they’re trip to the salon.
They arrived at 8:45 and Lynn was the second princess there.
The salon owner introduced herself to Lynn and Mindy.
”Welcome to Styles Spa. I’m Brenda Wadsworth the owner and manager and I hope we can make your morning here one in which you will want to return to enjoy again and again. Please come this way so we can get started on your makeover. Please remove your blouse and put on the smock in the dressing room and come over to have you hair washed and conditioned.”
Lynn and Mindy went to the dressing room to put on the smock. Lynn made sure to cover her bra, as she didn’t want anyone to see her breasts and figure out that they weren’t really hers.
Lynn walked back into the salon and an attractive woman in her late twenties motioned her over to her station.
“Hello, my name is Sondra and I will be you stylist today. Congratulation on being elected a princess, what’s your name?”
“Lynn and thank you.”
“Let me take your hair down so I can see what I have to work with.”
Sondra removed Lynn’s rubber band and fluffed out his hair.
“You have nice hair but you shouldn’t use a rubber band to hold it, a scrunchie would be better and it wouldn’t damage your hair. What do you have in mind for me to do?”
“I don’t know, I want my hair to look nice for tonight but I also want to be able to return it to a ponytail when ever I want,” Lynn said as he was thinking to himself that as long as he had his ponytail his mother would know nothing of this adventure.
“Hmm, let me see, I think I have the perfect style for you, it will be sexy and you will be able to have a ponytail afterwards.”
“That would be perfect,” said Lynn.
Sondra led Lynn to the wash station and had her assistant wash and condition Lynn’s hair. When she was done she wrapped Lynn’s hair in a towel and led him back to Sondra’s station. When Lynn looked around he noticed that Mindy had gone leaving him to decide what was to be done to him.
Sondra unwrapped Lynn’s hair and said, “I will have to trim your hair a little bit to get the look we want but don’t worry it will give it more body. Your friend said she would be back later and that she was going home to get your dress ready for tonight.”
Sondra started to trim Lynn’s hair and after a little while she was done. Lynn thought that she had trimmed a lot but his hair looked the same to him although it hadn’t been styled yet.
“I’m going to give you a light perm so it will be easier for you to style your hair and it will hold better when you do. It won’t have a lot of curls but much more body, I know you will love it.”
Lynn didn’t know what to say because he didn’t know what was happening to him or his hair so he just replied, “Okay.”
His hair was put in large rollers and then the solution was added and he was led to the dryers to finish this next step. While he was there another girl came to him to do his nails.
“Hi, I’m Judy and I’m going to do your nails while your hair dries. What color is the dress you are going to wear tonight?”
“It’s red.”
“Okay, let me remove your shoes and let me look at your hands. My goodness your fingernails are very short how come?”
“I play water polo and you’re not allowed to have long nails so I have to keep them trimmed.”
“Well tonight is a special night for you so I will put some extensions on them for you and you can trim them off before your next match.”
Lynn settled back and Judy did her magic on his toes and fingers and when she was done Lynn’s toes were deep red and his fingernails extended a half of an inch longer than they were when he came in here. He looked at his hands and turned them up extending his fingers so as to have a look at them.
“They’re beautiful Judy, I love them,” exclaimed Lynn as he filled with excitement of the transformation. What was lost to him was the girlish gesture he had done with his hands without a second thought and the girlish lilt that was becoming second nature with his voice.
Sondra returned and led Lynn to another station to have his makeup done before his hair could be combed out.
Lynn sat and another very pretty girl arrived with a tray that had more colors the he had thought imaginable.
“You must be a princess, hi I’m Rachel and I’m going to make your face to die for. You’re very pretty so this is going to be easy. I have to do a few things first. Who did your eyebrows?”
“My friend Mindy did them.”
“They aren’t quite straight so I will just remove a few strays and make them even and then we can start.”
Rachel began to pluck Lynn’s brows and he thought she was removing more than just a few strays however she did say that she was just going to make them even so he wasn’t too concerned.
“There, all done, now I can get started. When I’m done I will give you samples of the makeup that I used so you will be able to do this yourself. Let me turn you so you can watch what I do.”
Rachel turned Lynn so he could watch Rachel do her magic on his face. When he saw what she had done to his brows he gasped.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
What could he say, he was supposed to be a girl and he couldn’t say that his brows were too feminine looking for a boy so he said, “My brows are beautiful, you surprised me.”
‘I’m glad you like them, I really wanted to remove more of them but I guess this will have to do.”
“This will have to do?” thought Lynn, they couldn’t be more feminine looking then they were now, what am I going to say to my mother, God how did I get into this mess?
Rachel began to make Lynn’s face up and explained each move and why she was doing what she was. When she was done Lynn was speechless. Never had he seen a face as pretty as his, it was as though he couldn’t stop staring at himself.
“Wow, I think I even out did myself,” stated Rachel, “But when you start with beauty you end up with beauty.”
“Oh Rachel, I can’t believe how pretty you made me look.”
“Honey I didn’t do that much, you were already gorgeous, I just highlighted a few things, now go have your hair brushed out, it’s getting late, it’s already after twelve.”
Lynn returned to Sondra’s station to have the makeover finished. Sondra removed Lynn’s rollers and then Sondra added more fluid to his hair.
“This will relax the curl in your hair so I can style it. It will only take another hour and then you will be done. Your friend said that she is going to meet you at the school with your dress and under things so you can change there because they will be taking pictures before the parade starts and they don’t want you girls getting mussed.”
Lynn went back to the drier and read Vogue while his hair dried. He saw a beautiful dress that he wanted in the worse way, it was strapless and had lace everywhere and the hem was lower on one side than the other. I have to tell Mindy about this dress, it’s so beautiful.
Sondra returned and led Lynn back to finish styling his hair. She brushed and combed, fluffed and pushed, curled and snipped a few straggling ends until she was done. Lynn looked and looked, he tried to find the boy that had left his mothers home that morning but he was nowhere to be found. Staring back at him was a girl, not just any girl but a girl that would stop traffic in the modeling district of New York City. His face was perfection and his hair was so, so, feminine. Sondra had layered it and cut the front of it so that he had tendrils framing his face almost to his chin and as it went back it became longer until the back fell below his shoulders and brushed his back. This, added to the fullness of the style made him weak. How was he ever going to be able to have a ponytail again with hair like this he wondered?
“Sondra, how will I be able to have a ponytail with this hairstyle?” Lynn asked with concern.
“It’s easy honey watch.”
Sondra pulled Lynn’s hair back into a sort of ponytail except in the front his hair still framed his face.
“See just like that except now when you wear a pony tail you will still look sexy, that’s what you wanted wasn’t it?”
Lynn thought, how can I say that I can’t ever look like a boy with hair like this without wrecking my own life more than it is all ready?
“You’re right Sondra it’s beautiful.”
“I’m all done so go back and put on your blouse and join the rest of the girls so you can get to the school for your pictures.”
Lynn went and changed and joined the rest of the court for their ride to school. The other girls introduced themselves to each other and started chattering about the rest of the day. Lynn felt out of place at first but as the girls made her feel welcome she too became excited with the moment. She was giggling and talking about fashion and boys and teachers and boys and boys just like the real girls and in fact she too had become a real girl.
Mindy was waiting when Lynn arrived at the school.
“Hurry Lynn you can change in Miss Benson’s office.”
As Lynn exited the cab Mindy’s mouth fell open. She couldn’t believe her eyes. What had happened to he friend, he was gorgeous, he put the other girls to shame and they too were pretty. She grabbed Lynn’s arm and led her away.
“My God Lynn, what have you done? How are you going to explain this to your mother? How are you going to hide your hair or eyebrows and your nails, what were you thinking?” Mindy asked with panic in her voice.
“I don’t know Mindy, I just agreed with everything they asked me because I didn’t know what they were talking about and this happened,” Lynn said as she raised and lowered her hands to motion to herself.
“I’m so sorry, I should have never left you alone at the salon. I will think of something that we can do after the dance but it won’t be easy. Remember what you said when we first started this prank, what could go wrong, well I guess we know now, well hurry lets get you dressed and I will think of something.”
Mindy let Lynn into Miss Benson’s office and told her to remove everything except her panties. Mindy handed Lynn a red strapless bra and had her put it on. Next came the nude pantyhose and then the short red half-slip. Mindy removed the dress from a garment bag and when Lynn saw it she gasped it was so pretty. Mindy had Lynn raise her arms and then helped her lower the dress down over her head being careful not to muss her makeup and hair. The dress settled into place after Mindy had Lynn insert her arms into the sleeves. Mindy fastened the hook and then zipped the dress. The dress was tight and made Lynn pull her stomach in which created curves where there were none before. The dress was red satin off the shoulder and stopped three inches above the knee. There was red lace from the waist down to the hem and also down the sleeves. Lynn stepped into her red sandals and Mindy fastened the ankle strap. Mindy brushed Lynn’s hair and then had her look in the mirror. This time it was Lynn’s turn to be shocked. She looked at the person in the mirror unable to move. This can’t be me he thought, it couldn’t be, and I’m too beautiful to be a boy. Lynn was finally able to move and talk.
“Mindy I can’t believe this is me I’m so pretty.”
“Lynn, it is you and I can’t believe it’s you either, you’re beautiful. More importantly how do you feel?”
“I look beautiful but inside I feel pretty, I feel like the girl I’ve become. Oh Mindy what am I going to do, I don’t want to be a boy again after all this, I wish there was something we could do so I would never have to change back. Everything about this feels so right, my hair and makeup, my underwear and even my false breasts feel right and this dress the way it holds me and caresses me with each step I take makes me feel so feminine and even these three inch heels feel right, they are so comfortable to wear, Gosh I wish I was born a woman.”
“Lynn I know how you feel, I felt the same way when I wore that dress, but after I took it off I realized that it was the dress making me feel that way. When I put on my regular clothes I felt differently but was glad that I was a girl and could wear clothes like that. At least I can still wear sexy underwear everyday to remind me of how wonderful it is to be a girl. When you take off this dress tonight and you put your boy clothes back on make a special place in your mind to save all that you are going to experience tonight so you can remember it the rest of your life, this way you will remember yourself as Lynn the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” said Mindy as a tear formed in her eye.
”Oh Mindy I love you,” replied Lynn as her eyes also began to water.
“Stop Lynn don’t cry, you will ruin your makeup and I can’t fix it,” Mindy shouted as she started to giggle.
The girls left the office and went to the photo shoot. The photographer was stunned by Lynn’s beauty. He began the shoot with group pictures of the girls, then the boys, then the boys and girls together. After that came the couples, freshmen, sophomores, juniors and then the king and queen seniors. Then came the individual shots of each student. The photographer finished with Lynn but only after shooting twice as many shots of her as the rest of the students. He had her pose this way and that way, sitting and standing and I’m sure laying down if it weren’t for her dress. He finished just in time for the parade to start.
All of the couples were escorted out to a convertible car and were to sit on the top of the back seat. In the first car was Lynn and her prince Bill Jones. In the second was Brittany Atherton and her escort Robert Finegold and in the third car was Princess Stephanie Smithson and Prince Sean Murphy. The king and queen were Jason Carlson and Susan King. The parade circled the football field at halftime of the game to the applause of the audience. When the parade was finished the girls went to the gymnasium to await the dance because they didn’t want to get dirty or mussed in the stands at the game. The game ended with a victory for the home team and soon the dance began.
The dance was almost like a wedding with the king and queen dancing first and then the prince and princesses joined in. After that ceremony was over everyone was allowed to dance. Lynn was the object of attention for many of the male students all wanting to impress her with their moves. She began to enjoy watching the boys try to impress her with their dancing ability. Lynn was having innocent fun until Jason asked her to dance. She looked at him and now she felt the need to try to impress someone herself. Jason was a senior, very handsome and tall standing six-foot one and not an ounce of fat on him. Every girl in school was smitten with him and now Lynn was no exception. Fortunately Jason was smitten as well with the extraordinary beauty. They began to dance this being a fast one and then the next was slow. Jason swept Lynn into his arms and they began to dance without a word spoken. Lynn pulled herself tight against Jason’s warm body and looked up into his eyes. This was all the communication they needed to know that they were falling for each other. More words were said with their eyes than could ever be said with ones mouth. The dance ended but the couple didn’t part and continued to dance to their own special music. The next dance started and it was a fast tune. This broke the special moment going between the two students. Jason asked Lynn if she would like something to drink so they left the dance floor and sat down to enjoy each others company. Jason returned with a soda for Lynn and sat down. The two talked for an hour about all sorts of things and were becoming infatuated with each other. It was the last dance so they went back to the floor and Jason once again held Lynn close to him. He could smell her perfume and feel her body through the satin of her dress. He was becoming aroused. Please don’t let her feel this thing happening he thought to himself, I don’t want to scare her off already. Lynn could feel what was happening and knew what it was after spending so much time with the other princesses. She wasn’t disgusted by it but quite the contrary she liked what was happening, she liked having this effect on this boy she found so handsome. The dance ended and the couple stood apart but Jason wouldn’t let go of Lynn’s hand.
“Lynn, I want to see you again.”
“I want to see you too, but my mother won’t let me date until I’m sixteen.”
“Well I will find a way to see you, I love you.”
Lynn was at a loss for words. Jason loves me she thought, but how does he know so soon, maybe when you get older you know but I don’t even know right now, I just know I want to be with Jason and I will find someway to be with him.
“Lynn,” it was Miss Benson calling her, “Do you have a way home?”
“Yes I’m riding with Mindy,” Lynn answered.
“I was afraid of that, Mindy was sent home early. It seems she took a Valium and then someone gave her a coke with some rum in it and she passed out.”
“Oh my God what am I going to do?”
“It’s all right Miss Benson, I would be more than happy to drive Lynn home,” said Jason.
“Lynn would that be alright? Jason is a nice young man so he can be trusted, would you mind?”
“That would be fine, I can pick my things up at Mindy’s tomorrow.”
Jason and Lynn left the dance and with Lynn’s arm draped on his. The star struck lovers could only think of how lucky they were to have found each other. Jason intertwined his fingers with hers and let go only when he reached the car and opened the door for his new love. Lynn sat and swung both legs together into the car like any proper young woman would do. Jason couldn’t help but notice Lynn’s shapely legs when she did this, God I’m so lucky to have found a girl like this, sexy and innocent, beautiful and yet she can have a conversation without sounding stupid, thank you God. Jason went around and let himself into the car. After he sat down Lynn moved over to him and snuggled against his arm. Jason started the car and then put his arm around Lynn’s shoulder. He feels so warm and strong thought Lynn, I hope he kisses me when he drops me off, he’s so wonderful and handsome.
Jason arrived at Lynn’s home and opened the door for her to exit. The two lovers walked hand in hand up to the front porch.
“Thank you Jason for driving me home, I had a wonderful evening,” said Lynn as she took Jason’s other hand in hers.
“I did too, I just wish your mother would let you date,” answered Jason as he looked deeply into her eyes.
“Oh, Jason,” Lynn said as she let go of Jason’s hands and threw her arms around his neck and held him tight with her head nestled against his chest.
The couple stood holding each other in an embrace for several minutes and words of love passed through their bodies even though not a sound passed their lips. Jason pulled back and looked down at his love and lowered his lips to hers and began their first kiss. Jason felt Lynn’s lips as they pressed against his with a passion he had never felt from another girl before. Her lips felt soft and innocent and pure, like a virgin falling in love for the first time.
Lynn broke the kiss and said to Jason, “Hold me?”
Jason took her trembling body to his and held her.
“I had better go in now,” Lynn said to Jason after she had calmed down.
“Okay, good night Lynn,” he said as he gave her one last kiss.
Lynn had to use the secret key, the one hidden under the third vase from the left as her key was still at Mindy’s in his jeans. Lynn unlocked the door and entered the living room and sat on the couch. She sat and reflected the day’s events and how she had found a new person hidden under the skin of a boy named Lynn. She felt serene and whole, she felt calm, and it was the most wonderful feeling she had ever felt. Lynn reached down to take her heels off and made a discovery, her nails were in the way to undo the ankle straps on her sandals. This will take some doing she thought, let me think of how to do it without breaking my nails. She leaned against the pillows at the end of the couch and thought of her nails but quickly the thoughts changed to Jason, a warm glow filled her body as she drifted off to sleep.
Lynn didn’t hear the key sliding past the pins in the lock cylinder or the dead bolt snapping open, or the door shutting. Nor did she hear the sound of heels clicking on the hardwood floor as Mrs. Collins entered the room.
Lynn’s mother looked at the couch and saw the girl asleep, lying against the pillows in a semi upright position. My goodness she thought, my little boy has brought home a girl friend. No wonder he and Mindy are just friends, this girl is beautiful. She looked at her with the eyes of a mother appraising her son’s selection of a soul mate. This girl is beautiful she thought, her hair and makeup are perfect, her dress is sexy but classy, she has pretty legs and her heels are perfect for this dress, I wonder if she is as pretty inside as she is out? Mrs. Collins reached down and touched Lynn’s shoulder.
Lynn opened her pretty eyes and looked trying to recognize the person standing over her. Her mind was focusing and finally she saw and gasped, “Mommy,” then a pause and then, “Oh Mommy.”
“Mommy? Lynn is that you? Oh my God what happened?” asked Mrs. Collins as her face went pale.
Lynn stood legs together, never losing one bit of femininity and looked at her mother tears forming in her eyes and said, “Mommy please hold me,” and then the dam broke and the tears ran down her face as her mother took her in her arms and held her tight.
“Shh, shh, it’s alright my baby, it’s alright, nothings going to hurt you, mommy’s here, I won’t let anything happen to my little girl, I love you.”
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Princess Found [Homecoming Princess Part - 2]
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This is the continuation of the Homecoming Princess story. Lynn is becoming a very nice young woman but there are other things in the world that aren't so nice. This chapter includes a rape scene and although it isn't graphic I have rated this story as XXX as a warning. Please don't let it scare you away as this is a very nice story.
Princess Found
By
Arecee
Susan Collins wearily walked across the hall to the hard marble bench and sat down to reflect on the horrors of the past three weeks. She looked up at the sign next to the double doors and read what it said, “Superior Court, Room B.” Actually she didn’t really read the sign but just used it as a point of reference as she lost herself in thought. How could such an innocent thing escalate to such violence and why would such a thing happen to a kind person like Lynn, life just wasn’t fair she thought as a tear ran down her cheek, dropping from her jaw and leaving a dark stain on her gray skirt.
Susan drifted back to that fateful night when she first met her daughter.
“Good night Jenny,” Susan said as her friend dropped her off from the office party she had attended earlier. Susan walked to the front door of her home in a small suburb of San Francisco. Susan was a realtor and made a very nice living from home sales in the area. She and some of her girl friends had ended an evening of work by attending a club with male strippers and she was still giddy with excitement. Susan pushed her key into the lock cylinder and turned the dead bolt open with a click, opened the door and entered. She closed the door and walked into the living room, her heels clicking on the hardwood floor. Susan was startled by the sight of the beautiful young woman seated on the couch slumped over in a restful sleep. Susan wondered where her son Lynn was, maybe in the kitchen getting some refreshment for his beautiful girl friend. Susan walked to the girl and looked at her, my God is she pretty Susan thought. Susan looked at the girl appraising her with the eye of a woman who new fashion and what class looked like and this girl had class, she was gorgeous, her makeup was flawless as was her hair, her nails matched her dress and heels and she had legs that were sexy beyond description. Lynn is a very lucky young man to have a girlfriend as pretty as this she thought. I wonder what kind of personality she has, if it were anything as nice as her appearance she would be a goddess. Susan reached down and touched the girl’s shoulder to wake her from her slumber. The girl opened her eyes and looked up at Susan. She seemed to be disoriented as most people are when first awakened. Susan looked into the girl’s eyes; she has the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen Susan thought as she drank in the beauty of the girl. Susan’s thoughts were shattered as the girl spoke.
“Mommy,” there was a pause as the girl gathered her thoughts and then dissolved into tears, “Oh, Mommy,” she said in despair.
Had Susan heard correctly as to what the girl had said, Mommy?
“Mommy? Lynn is that you? Oh my God what happened?” Susan asked as she went pale.
Lynn rose gracefully from the sofa, legs together never losing one bit of femininity as she stood. Lynn looked at her mother and said, “Mommy please hold me,” as the tears flowed down her cheeks onto her dress. Susan took Lynn into her arms and held her tight as she began to sob.
“Shh, shh, it’s all right my baby, it’s all right, nothings going to hurt you, mommy’s here, nothing’s going to happen to my little girl, I love you.”
Susan held her baby for what seemed like hours until Lynn was able to finally talk.
“Oh Mom, I’m so ashamed, look at me, you’re going to hate me for what I’ve done.”
“My baby, my poor baby, I could never hate you no mater what you do. Come and sit down and tell me what has happened to my little boy.”
Lynn sat next to his mother and began the story from the beginning explaining how the whole thing started as a joke with he and Mindy and it just got out of control. He didn’t want her to find out what he had done but when he came home and tried to remove his heels his nails were in the way and he fell asleep and that was why she found him dressed as he was. Tears once again ran down Lynn’s face, for he felt nothing but shame for what he had done.
Susan watched her son as the story unfolded, first she was angry, especially with Miss Benson who was going to get an earful from her Monday morning, but then she began to soften her feelings as to what had happened, Lynn after all made a beautiful girl and he seemed to be alright with what had happened except for the embarrassment of being caught dressed as a girl and besides what mother wouldn’t be proud to have her daughter as a homecoming princess and finally Susan started to giggle.
Lynn’s tears stopped as he asked, “Why are you laughing Mom?”
“I’m laughing because you are starting to learn what a pain in the ass being a woman can be at times.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Well you told me when you came home you couldn’t remove your heels because you didn’t want to break your nails, now that’s a girl if I ever heard one,” Susan giggled. “Now you have to unzip your dress, remove your hose without running them and then wash all the makeup off your face. After all that’s done you have to put your hair up or it will be a mess in the morning and then you can go to bed, that’s what I mean by it being a pain in the ass but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Now let’s get you cleaned up and dressed in one of my night gowns before you go to bed and then tomorrow you and I are going to have a mother daughter talk to see where this is all going.”
“Mom, I love you,” Lynn gushed as she hugged her mother, “Oh I almost forgot, there is one more thing I have to do tomorrow as a princess. We have to visit a convalescent hospital in the afternoon and then my responsibilities will be done.”
“What are you going to wear?”
“I don’t know, I’ll get something from Mindy.”
“Alright sweetheart, now, off to bed.”
Lynn went to her room and true to her mother’s word she couldn’t undo her dress so she had to ask her mother to unzip the dress before she could remove it. With a little work she was able to remove her heels and didn’t even break her nails. Next came her makeup, which she removed with trepidation as she was going to miss the beauty once the makeup was gone. Lynn asked her mother to help with her hair, as this was something she had never done before. Susan piled Lynn’s hair on her head and pinned it so she could do something with it in the morning. This interaction was causing Susan to have new feelings toward her son or maybe one should say daughter as this was something only a mother and daughter can have and Susan liked what she was able to do with her daughter.
“Lynn watch what I do with your hair so you will be able to do it in the future. Tomorrow I will help you style it and help you with your makeup, this is so much fun,” Susan gushed.
“Thanks Mom, I hope we will be able to do lots of things like this when I get older.”
“We will sweetheart, we will.”
Lynn donned the nightgown her mother had loaned her and went to bed. Lynn was not able to remove her forms and found that lying on her stomach was out of the question, another girl thing I have to learn she giggled. Lynn fell asleep and slept soundly the whole night as the activities of the day came crashing down on her.
The sun came peeking trough the window and hit Lynn in the eyes causing her to wake. She looked around her room and decided she had to go to the bathroom, as her bladder felt like it would burst. Lynn found the toilet and sat like a good girl and relieved herself. She patted herself dry, rose and looked in the mirror. This was the first time Lynn had looked in the mirror without makeup on since the dance. Her hair was piled high on her head and she marveled at how feminine she looked even without makeup. I am so screwed when I go back to school Monday, there is no way I will be able to hide what I have done thought Lynn. Lynn pulled the pins from her hair and let it fall softly around her face. She ran her fingers through it and fluffed it until it framed her face like the night before. Lynn tried to pull it back into a ponytail to look more masculine but failed miserably, the cut of the style wouldn’t allow the word masculine to exist, it was too feminine and would remain so unless Lynn were to have his hair cut off. Lynn just shook his head and walked down to the kitchen to join his mother and to see what she would say this morning after having all night to think about what he had done.
Lynn entered the kitchen and opened the refrigerator door to see if he could find some orange juice and waited for his mother to comment on his appearance. There was a silence in the room as Susan watched her son pour his juice. Lynn knew he had better say something or she might not speak to him ever again or so he thought.
“Good morning Mom,” Lynn said sheepishly.
“Good morning sweetheart and how is my little girl this morning?” Susan answered as though Lynn had been a girl all his life.
“I, I’m fine Mom, you aren’t mad at me?” Lynn answered softly, still speaking in his girl’s voice.
“Oh honey, no, I’m not angry, at least not at you, why would you think I was?”
“Because of the way you found me last night.”
“Last night I was startled by what I saw, but when I woke you and found a beautiful daughter instead of a son I was surprised, but no I’m not angry with you, in fact I’m still a little bit in awe with your beauty. Last night you mentioned that you had to go to a convalescent hospital today, what time is that?”
“Three o’clock.”
“Good, that will give us plenty of time for the talk I promised you last night. Let’s have breakfast first and then we can spend some time together as mother and daughter. You had better call Mindy so she can bring something for you to wear when you go out later, but I think we had better have our talk first so we know where this thing is headed.”
“Okay Mom.”
Lynn made some toast for both his mother and himself and served her hers on a plate. Lynn was very conflicted at the moment, he didn’t know if he should be Lynn the girl or Lynn the boy and his mother was being noncommittal about his appearance, yes she had called him her daughter when she greeted him this morning but other than that it was the same as always, perhaps it was the innocence of youth that made him think that all they would talk about would be his appearance and not talk as though this was just another day.
“Tell me all about the dance last night, did you have fun?”
Lynn didn’t know how to respond to the question, how much should he tell his mother, he couldn’t mention the kiss, she would freak if she found out about that, he decided to keep it simple.
“It was okay I guess.”
“Just okay? Come on sweetheart tell me everything, that’s what girls do.”
Lynn looked at his mother. "She called me a girl again, maybe I’m not in trouble after all," he thought.
“Mom, it was magical. First, my prince escorted me into the room and then we danced after the king and queen finished the first dance, it was so special. After that boys were lined up to dance with me so I danced every dance. The only scary thing that happened was when Mindy had to be brought home when she took a Valium. I was lucky that Jason was nice enough to drive me home. If it weren’t for that I would have changed at Mindy’s and you would never have known about all this.”
“Of course I would have known, what were you going to do about you hair and eyebrows?”
“I didn’t think about that and after they finished with me at the salon I knew I was in trouble.”
“So tell me how did you like dancing with the boys?”
“At first I thought it would creep me out but I felt so pretty inside that I loved it, I felt special and wanted, I felt like a pretty girl.”
“You are a pretty girl so you should feel that way but that brings us to the next thing, where do you want to go with all this? You look like a very pretty girl and act like one too but you really are a boy or maybe I should say you were a boy. I need to know what you want to do from now on, do I have a son or do I have a daughter?”
“Mom, I don’t know, I look in the mirror and I see your daughter and then I look inside myself and I right now I feel like your daughter but I know when I was born I was your son and I haven’t been this way for very long but for some reason it feels right, I feel like a girl and I love feeling this way.”
“Maybe you feel this way because you’re so pretty. If you were average looking you might feel differently.”
“I don’t think so Mom, when this first started I didn’t know how I would look. I saw my picture after Mindy made the posters but I didn’t relate to the girl in the picture, she was just a pretty girl that I would have liked to date. After I was elected princess and had to become a girl and as Mindy trained me I found that I hated becoming a boy when we were done. When I put my boy clothes back on I felt as though my life was slipping away but when I became a girl again all seemed right, it was a feeling not my looks that made me feel whole.”
“What do you want to do now, live as a girl or go back to being my son?”
“Do you mean I can make a choice?”
“Yes you may.”
“Oh Mommy, please I want to be a girl.”
“Are you sure, it won’t be easy?”
“More than anything.”
“Okay Lynn, my little girl, my daughter, my daughter,” Susan trailed off with a dreamy look in her eyes, “We have a lot of things to do before you return to school. There are many things that must be attended to if you’re going to become a young woman. Monday I’ll call my doctor and discuss what you want to do and if we are lucky we might be able to stop your puberty into becoming a man and have you become a woman instead. Go phone Mindy and see if you can borrow something to wear so I can take you shopping for some clothes before you go out this afternoon, having a daughter is going to be so much fun.”
“I love you Mom,” Lynn said as she gave Susan a hug.
“What was that for?”
“It’s what daughters do with their mothers don’t they?”
“Yes they do,” Susan replied as a tear formed in her eye.
Lynn ran to the phone and excitedly dialed Mindy’s number.
“Hello.”
“Hi, Mrs. Swanson, is Mindy home?”
“Yes, who is this?”
“It’s me Lynn.”
“Lynn, you sound different, are you alright?”
“Oh yes Mrs. Swanson I feel wonderful, I feel perfect.”
“Lynn you’re so silly sometimes, let me get Mindy for you, Mindy,” shouted Mrs. Swanson, “It’s Lynn on the phone.”
Lynn heard Mindy pick the receiver up and say, “Hello.”
“Mindy, are you alright? How do you feel?”
“I feel fine now, but last night I thought I was going to die, God I felt like shit, oops I mean I felt terrible. Where are you, are you at home?”
“Yes.”
“How did you get home from the dance?”
“Jason drove me.”
“What did your mom say when you got home, how did you get in the house?”
“I used the secret key and my mom wasn’t home so I thought I was safe.”
“What about you hair and eyebrows, oh God and your nails, what did you do, cut everything off?” Mindy asked fearfully.
“No I didn’t do anything to myself. When I got home Jason kissed me goodnight,” Lynn whispered into the phone, “ And then I went into the house to change. I sat on the couch and went to remove my heels but my nails were in the way and I accidentally fell asleep. My mom came home and found me asleep with everything on.”
“Oh my God, Oh my God, what did she say?”
“She was surprised but she was cool with it. She’s going to let me be her daughter.”
“What? Her daughter, oh my God.”
“What’s wrong?”
“I told Miss Benson that I was afraid something like this might happen, are you sure this is what you want?”
“More than anything but I need your help.”
“What do you need?”
“May I borrow something to wear, Mom wants to take me shopping.”
“Shopping?”
“Yes, do you want to come with us?”
“God I wouldn’t miss this for the world, yes of course I want to come with you, I never miss an opportunity to shop.”
“We’ll see you in an hour.”
“Okay.”
Lynn hung the phone up and told her mother Mindy was coming shopping with them.
“Well hurry up and find something to wear to Mindy’s house and don’t forget to bring her dress back to her.”
“Yes Mom.”
Lynn found a pair of shorts and a t-shirt to wear to Mindy’s knowing that he could change into her clothes when he arrived.
Susan and Lynn arrived at the Swanson’s house and Lynn stood behind his mother as Susan knocked on the door.
Janet Swanson answered the door and greeted Susan.
“Hi Susan, how are you?” Janet asked cheerily, “Linda, what are you doing here with Susan, Oh my God, Lynn is that you?”
“Yes Mrs. Swanson.”
“Janet, we had better talk so I can explain what is happening and when I’m finished you may want to talk to Mindy about her role in all of this,” said Susan.
Susan and Lynn entered the house and stood in silence as Janet looked at Lynn.
“Did you say Mindy had something to do with this?” Janet said while pointing at Lynn.
“Yes, I’m afraid she did, apparently these two pulled a prank on the school and this is the result.”
“Mindy,” yelled Mrs. Swanson, “Get your tail down here right now young lady.”
Mindy came running when she heard her mother, she knew she was in trouble because her mother never yells like that.
“Yes mom, hi Mrs. Collins, hi Lynn.”
“You’re not going to say hi to Linda, Mindy?” asked Janet with a sneer in her voice.
“No, Mom,” answered Mindy as she lowered her head.
“Do you want to tell me what happened and why you lied to me Mindy?” asked Janet.
Mindy was so busted and she knew it, how was she going to explain this to her mother, her best friend who used to be a boy was standing in her living room with breasts, his hair done and with long red nails. Lynn didn’t even have makeup on and he still looked like a beauty queen, shit, shit, what can I say, I can’t even lie myself out of this one she thought.
“It was just a little prank mom, we didn’t think it would go wrong, not like this,” answered Mindy.
“Just a little prank, look at your friend, I wouldn’t call that a little prank, do you know what damage you’ve done to Lynn?” asked Janet.
“Please don’t be angry with Mindy, Mrs. Swanson, I’m just as much to blame, all I had to do was say no but I didn’t,” begged Lynn.
“Janet, maybe you and I should talk about all this and then you can make your own decision as to what to do with Mindy, but after we talk I think you might temper your decision. Mindy why don’t you take Lynn and find something for him to wear and help him with some makeup,” said Susan.
“Yes Mrs. Collins, come on Lynn, let’s go to my room.”
Lynn and Mindy went to Mindy’s room to find something appropriate for Lynn to wear. The two girls couldn’t wait to talk.
“Oh God Lynn, when I saw you with your mother, I thought I would die, I forgot what you would look like, I’m so used to you being a boy, what did my mom say when she saw you?”
“She called me Linda and asked what I was doing here and then she realized it was me, God I thought she would pass out right there, it was kind of funny in a way.”
“How does your mom feel about all this?”
“She seems pretty cool about it right now but I want to see how she is later.”
“How’s this blouse, do you think your mom will be alright with it, and wear these shorts with it.”
“Let me try them on.”
“Okay.”
Susan went with Janet into the kitchen while Janet made some coffee. Susan told her all she knew of the prank and the pressure Miss Benson put on the students and that Mindy was just trying to help her best friend get through a very difficult experience. Susan was right, Janet did soften her anger towards Mindy and told Susan that both she and Mindy would like to go to the mall as Mindy’s father was playing golf and would be gone most of the day.
“Mindy, are you and Lynn ready to go?” shouted Mrs. Swanson.
“We’ll be right down mom,” answered Mindy.
Mindy finished helping Lynn with his makeup, just a little mascara and lip-gloss. Lynn looked in the mirror and liked what she saw, a little teen hottie ready to prowl the mall. Lynn was wearing the same outfit she wore when she met Rex, well almost the same, the blouse was barely less revealing but her cleavage still was to be seen but to a lesser amount and of course her tummy still showed. The girls ran down the stairs to go shopping.
“Lynn what do you have on, you can’t go out looking like that,” exclaimed Susan.
“Mom, this is what all the girls wear,” answered Lynn.
“I’m afraid she’s right Susan, the first time I saw Mindy dressed like that I had a fit too, but then I looked around and saw that she was actually dressed much nicer than a lot of girls I saw, and think about it, what did your parents say the first time they saw you in hip huggers, face it Susan, we’re getting old.”
“You’re right Janet, I guess we are,” Susan answered as the two women laughed.
The foursome left and ended up at the mall for several hours of serious shopping, after all Susan had a new daughter to clothe, a daughter with nothing to wear. It was a good thing Mindy was with them or Lynn would have been clothed like a forty year old woman but all was well as the girls swept through the stores buying all the latest fashions. By the time they left the mall Lynn’s wardrobe had increased by a trunk full of clothes and her mother’s bank account was so much the lighter. Lynn had bought lingerie, skirts, blouses, several dresses, sweaters, low cut jeans, shoes, had her ears pierced, and bought makeup from the lady that gave her face a makeover at Macy’s. The women had to rush as Lynn had an appointment to keep and she didn’t have to borrow Mindy’s clothes to keep it. Lynn could hardly wait to wear her own clothes.
Lynn dressed for the visit to the convalescent hospital with her mother’s supervision.
“Lynn, wear this skirt and blouse, it will be perfect,” Susan said. Dressing her daughter was a new experience for Susan and she was going to make the most of it.
Lynn donned the black skirt and pink blouse and added the black pumps she had purchased the previous week. Susan fussed with Lynn’s hair and makeup, straightened her skirt and blouse, made sure her panty hose was perfect and then started all over again.
“Maybe you should wear something else, maybe the blue skirt with the white blouse, hmm let me see?” Susan questioned. Dressing Lynn was like having a life size doll and Susan didn’t want to stop playing with it.
“Mom, will you please stop, you’re making me nervous, I still worry someone will see that I’m a boy and you aren’t helping by being this way.”
“I’m just trying to help and besides it’s so much fun helping you.”
“I know Mom, I love that we can do this but I look fine and I have to be at the school in fifteen minutes.”
“I’m sorry honey, grab your black sweater and I’ll drive you to school.”
“Thanks Mom.”
Susan drove Lynn to the school and dropped her off to join the three other girls that were waiting for their ride to the hospital.
The girls all hugged each other and couldn’t wait to talk of the previous evening. Susan watched the interaction with Lynn and the girls and felt that she was doing the right thing allowing Lynn to transition to female. Susan also noticed that Lynn was behaving like a typical teenaged girl, every movement was feminine, where did her little boy go, she wondered.
Susan waited until the chaperone arrived to escort the girls. She didn’t want her daughter left without adult supervision, especially one as pretty as Lynn.
Lynn arrived home at six o’clock. Susan was worried the whole time he was gone. Lynn entered the door and was bubbling with excitement.
“Well, what has my baby so excited?” Susan asked.
“Oh Mom, we had so much fun and I met someone very special at the hospital.”
“And who would that be, a handsome male orderly?”
“God no Mom, be serious, I met the sweetest little old lady, she’s ninety three years old and we talked for hours, her name is Irma Mac Lain. She told me about her life and everything.”
“She did, did she, what did she tell you?”
“All about when she was young and how she was also a beauty queen, I think she called herself a bathing beauty. When I came into her room she was sitting in a chair looking out of the window. She turned and looked at me and when she saw me her eyes seemed to twinkle with excitement. She smiled and asked me what my name was. Mom, she was so tiny and frail that I had to help her stand. She took my arm and asked me to help her walk to the garden. I escorted her out into the garden and helped her sit on a bench. She asked me to sit with her and then she told me about how she came from a small town in the mid-west next to the Missouri River and rode the train to Hollywood because she wanted to be the next “it girl.” I asked her what an “it girl” was and she just laughed and told me I was pretty enough to be an "it girl." Anyway she told me that she was very lucky and was able to find a nice man and married well. She had three boys and always wanted a girl but that was not to be as her husband went off to war and died in Italy during the invasion. I felt so bad for her because her eyes were watering when she told me that. She had to raise her sons on her own and even though she had money from her husband she took a job and worked her way up until she bought the company. Then she took both my hands in hers and told me that I was very beautiful but not to worry about finding a rich man but to study hard in school and become successful on my own because my beauty won’t last forever. When she told me that I looked at her face and even though it was wrinkled and twisted from age she was still beautiful and then I knew what she was telling me, that beauty came from within and not how you appeared from the outside. Would it be alright if I visited her again?”
“Of course you can, I’d be disappointed if you didn’t.”
“I’m going to change into something more comfortable Mom.”
“Okay honey, hurry, dinner is almost ready.”
The rest of the evening Lynn and Susan discussed Lynn’s day and how he was adjusting to being a girl. Susan had decided to keep Lynn at home Monday so she could make arrangements on how Lynn would be able to attend school as a girl if that’s what he wanted, she also wanted to have a chat with that Miss Benson who screwed up her son’s life and that conversation wasn’t going to be pretty.
Monday morning came and Susan let Lynn sleep in since she had several things to attend to concerning Lynn. First she called her doctor and made an appointment for that afternoon so Lynn could have an examination and then they could decide the best way for Lynn to transition if that was what she really wanted. Next she called the school and informed them that Lynn would miss today as he had a doctor’s appointment that afternoon and finally she asked to talk to Miss Benson.
“This is Miss Benson.”
“Miss Benson, this is Lynn Collins mother. I would like to come to school this morning to discuss what you did with Lynn.”
“I don’t have time for that this morning,” Miss Benson answered in a condescending tone of voice.
“Well I suggest that you find time this morning or maybe the police will find time for you.”
“Police?”
“Yes the police, I think they would find what you did to my son very interesting.”
There was a pause and then Miss Benson spoke, “Umm, I think I can fit you in at ten o’clock, will that work for you?”
“Yes it will and I’m really looking forward to meeting you,” Susan spoke with venom in her voice as she hung up the phone.
Susan showered and dressed for her appointment with Miss Benson. Before she left she woke Lynn so he could get ready by the time she returned.
“Lynn, I have to go to your school and will be back later. Since you didn’t have to go to school today please clean the kitchen while I’m gone and then get ready for your doctors appointment at two-thirty.”
“What doctors appointment?”
“I want a doctor to look at you before we decide what coarse we are going to take if you still want to be a girl.”
“Okay Mom.”
Susan drove to the school and was escorted into Miss Benson’s office.
“Mrs. Collins, I’m Miss Benson,” said as she extended her hand to greet Susan.
Susan didn’t reach her hand out, in fact the look Susan gave Miss Benson left no doubt in her mind that Susan Collins wasn’t a person to be trifled with.
“Miss Benson, let’s get to the point of my visit, I want to know what in the Hell you were thinking by making Lynn dress as a girl?”
“It was a form of punishment,” Miss Benson replied as she sat taller to try to gain advantage over Susan.
Susan wasn’t stupid and knew what Miss Benson was trying to do and because Susan wasn’t a student she looked her directly in the eye and without a flinch said, “You fuck up my sons life and then tell me its punishment, you’re sick.”
“Well I think the punishment worked quite well if I say so myself. I doubt Lynn will want to try a silly prank like that again,” Miss Benson said as she glowed with pride.
“Well I hope you’re happy with yourself because Lynn surely won’t pull a silly boys prank again and thanks to you Lynn doesn’t want to be a boy again, you just made his life a living hell.”
Miss Benson turned pale and answered, “What do you mean Lynn doesn’t want to be a boy?”
“You heard me Lynn wants to be a girl and do you know what that means when he returns to school, he will be the target of every bully in school.”
“I didn’t mean for this to happen, I thought it would be an innocent lesson and that he would hate dressing like a girl. I thought he would want to hurry and be a boy after having to be a girl at the different functions, I never would have made him dress up if I knew he would want to be a girl after this was all over.”
“Didn’t you realize what you were doing to him? Lynn hasn’t even started puberty yet and when he dressed as a girl and was popular it did things to his mind that he doesn’t understand. He thinks now that he wants to be a girl because he is so pretty as one and he loves being one. He never had a chance to be a man yet and you did this to him, you bitch,” Susan cried as tears filled her eyes.
“I’m so sorry, Mrs. Collins, if I had only known I would have never done this to him.”
“But you did and now we have to figure out a way to help Lynn and not destroy his life. I’m taking him to a doctor’s appointment this afternoon and see what can be done. I’ve been trying to think of a way for Lynn to be able to attend school as a girl if that’s what he wants and I think maybe I have a solution. If you were to say that Lynn is really a girl and was part of an experiment of a girl trying to see what boys are like from a different perspective for a nation wide study maybe the students will accept him as a girl and if that doesn’t work God help you because if you think I’m angry now you just wait and see what a bitch I can be.”
“Please call me after the appointment and let me know what I should do so I can make arrangements if Lynn decides to transition. Please don’t be angry with me, I really am a nice person and I never meant this to happen, I’m so sorry.”
“I know you didn’t mean any harm but when you mess with a person’s sexuality things like this can happen especially with a young person because they are very impressionable at this age and when an adult says something to them they feel the results are the right thing even if they’re not, you should know that.”
“Please Mrs. Collins, lets try to make this right, I’ll be waiting for your call.”
Miss Benson extended her hand once more and this time Susan took it, no use having her as an enemy thought Susan, if we work together maybe Lynn will be alright after this is all over.
Susan drove home to pick Lynn up for his doctor’s appointment. Susan was pleased with Lynn’s appearance. Lynn was wearing a skirt and a blouse that tucked into the waist of the skirt, white ankle socks and blue canvass shoes that matched the color of the skirt. Lynn had tastefully done his makeup and his hair looked perfect. Susan could tell her son had taken time so as to look perfect for the doctor’s appointment.
“You look very nice Lynn,” said Susan.
“Thanks Mom,” answered Lynn.
“I’m glad you decided to wear something more appropriate than yesterday, I’m not quite used to the fashions you girls wear today.”
“That’s why I chose what I did Mom,” giggled Lynn, knowing how uncomfortable his mother had been the day before when she had seen him with his “seduce the boys at the mall” outfit on.
“I’m glad, thank you Lynn, grab your purse and let’s go, we have a lot to do.”
Lynn and Susan arrived at the doctor’s office and Lynn was soon ushered into an examination room.
“Please remove all your clothing and put on this smock,” said the nurse.
Lynn removed his clothing as asked and put on the smock. The doctor entered the room several minutes later.
“Good afternoon Lynn. I’m Dr. Bruce. Your mother made this appointment for you so I could examine you so we can come to some conclusion as to how we should handle your sexuality. She told me that you want to be a girl, is that correct?”
“Yes it is.”
“You look like you are well on your way already, you’re very beautiful.”
“Thank you,” Lynn answered as she blushed with the compliment.
“Would you please remove your smock so I might have a better look at you?”
Lynn removed his smock for his examination.
“My goodness, it looks like you forgot to remove something else Lynn, although you do look good with breasts, they match your appearance.”
Lynn suddenly realized that he had forgotten to remove his breast forms, in fact he had become so used to them he felt that they were his real breasts.
“Oh my God, I forgot to remove them and I don’t have solvent to take them off,” Lynn said as his face turned red with embarrassment.
“That’s alright Lynn, we can work around them,” said Dr. Bruce. As Dr. Bruce started to examine Lynn she had to ask why Lynn wanted to be a girl.
“So tell me Lynn, why do you want to be a girl and how long have you felt this way?”
“Just since I was elected homecoming princess.”
“And how long has that been?”
“Two weeks.”
“Hmm, two weeks, and in two weeks you’ve decided that you want to be a girl?”
“Yes, I know that sounds strange but it just feels right being this way.”
Dr. Bruce grabbed Lynn’s penis and scrotum and Lynn gasped.
“Does that hurt?”
“No, you just shocked me, your hand is cold.”
“Lets see, you just turned fourteen, I can tell you haven’t started puberty yet so maybe this is affecting your desire to become a woman. I’m finished with my examination so you can put your clothes back on. When you’ve finished I would like nurse Smith to draw some blood and then I want a word with you and your mother.”
Lynn removed his gown and put his clothes back on and then nurse Smith drew some blood before Lynn joined his mother in Dr. Bruce’s office.
Dr. Bruce began, “Susan, Lynn, what you want to do is a very serious life decision. When we are dealing with minors it is even more so. Lynn, why did you come to see me today?”
“I don’t know, my mother told me I should see you.”
“Okay, Susan, why did you bring Lynn here today?”
“I thought you could help him make his wish come true and help him become a woman.”
“And how would you feel about that Lynn?”
“I don’t know, I just know that I want to be a girl.”
“And how do you know that, you’ve only been a girl part time for two weeks and I hardly think that would justify you thinking that you want to be a girl. Susan why are you doing this with Lynn?”
“Because I could tell when he woke and I met Lynn the girl the first time that this was what he wanted. Everything seemed so right especially yesterday when we spent the day as mother and daughter, I knew it was the right thing, that Lynn wanted to be a girl.”
“Are you sure that this isn’t something you want more than Lynn?”
“Heavens no, Lynn being a girl will break my heart but I love him and if that’s what he wants then I will support him no mater what.”
“Okay, I can understand your support of Lynn but as a doctor I have to be sure this is really what Lynn wants. If I start treatment to turn Lynn into a girl now and he changes his mind at a later date there will be damage done that can’t be undone and I won’t have that no mater what kind of friend you are Susan, I would never forgive myself if I were to ruin Lynn’s life by making a hasty decision, so here’s what I propose to do, I will give Lynn and injection that will delay puberty for several months. I want you to see a therapist that specializes in gender disorders and after that if he recommends that I start hormone therapy I will. Here is a referral for Dr. Jackson, he is one of the best in his field, and Lynn remove your breasts once in a while or your skin will be damaged.”
“Thanks Jenny,” said Susan as she and Lynn exited Dr. Bruce’s office.
Susan called Dr. Jackson on her cell phone to make an appointment, as she wanted this whole thing to be over with as soon as possible, especially if she was going to have a daughter instead of a son.
“Dr. Jackson’s office.”
“Yes my name is Susan Collins and I would like to make an appointment for my daughter.”
“The soonest I can fit you in is a month and a half from now, unless you can come in tomorrow morning as I’ve had a cancellation but you will have to be here at nine AM.”
“I’ll make it work, schedule us for that time, see you then,” Susan said as she hung up the phone.
“Lynn, I’m going to hold you out of school tomorrow because you have an appointment with your therapist in the morning and depending on what he says when you will return to school.”
“Yes Mom, will I be able to return as a girl?”
“I don’t know, we’ll see.”
When Susan and Lynn returned home Susan called Miss Benson and informed he that Lynn would miss another day of school and not to say anything as to Lynn’s gender until after his Dr.’s appointment.
The next morning Susan brought Lynn to Dr. Jackson’s office. Lynn was wearing some casual clothes but they were what girls wore, tight jeans a short blouse and navel exposed. Her makeup was subtle and her hair was styled like the day before. Lynn had no choice with her hair, after having the perm and the cut it made it impossible to look masculine, she looked like a cute little mall bunny.
Susan and Lynn were assured into Dr. Jackson’s office.
“Good morning, I’m Dr. Jackson.”
“Good morning Dr., I’m Susan Collins and this is Lynn.”
“It’s nice to meet you. We might as well get started with the basic question, why do you want to become a boy Lynn?”
“A boy, I don’t want to be a boy, I want to be a girl.”
“Oh my, you want to be a girl, this is the first time I have been mistaken about the gender of one of my patients. You’re so pretty and feminine I thought you already were a girl. So tell me, why do you want to be a girl?”
“It just feels right when I’m dressed as a girl.”
“And you Susan how do you feel about Lynn and his wishes?”
“I just want Lynn to be happy, if that’s what he wants then I’ll support him any way I can.”
“Okay then as long as you will support Lynn no matter what the outcome is then I will be more than happy to treat Lynn.”
“I will no matter what the decision is.”
“Okay, I’d like to talk to Lynn alone if you don’t mind, you can wait in the reception area.”
“Thank you Doctor”
Susan left and Dr. Jackson looked at Lynn and asked, “You didn’t tell me why you want to be a girl other than it feels right, I’ll need more than that if you want me to recommend hormone replacement therapy.”
“I don’t know what to say other than I want to be a girl more than anything.”
“Maybe you do and maybe you just think you do, that’s why I’m here. Why don’t we start at the beginning, how long have you felt this way?”
“What way?”
“That you want to be a girl.”
“I started having these feelings when Mindy started training me to be homecoming princess.”
“How long ago was that?”
“Two weeks ago.”
“So in two weeks you’ve decided to become a girl, isn’t that awfully soon?”
“I don’t know, it just feels right, the amount of time shouldn’t matter should it?”
“Normally I wouldn’t say time was a factor because most people I see have been doing this for years but you have only done this for two weeks so I am a little concerned. Maybe we should start at the beginning and I don’t mean two weeks ago, let me ask you some other questions. Tell me about yourself from you earliest memories.”
“That’s hard to do, I remember my mom and dad playing with me and as I grew a little older my dad and I used to play catch with a ball. He used to tell me that I would be a great baseball player one day, we had so much fun. My parents kind of spoiled me and were always loving towards me until I was six years old. I remember my mom and dad started to argue a lot and when they did they would send me to my room but I still heard them. My dad would yell at my mother that he needed space and she would yell that he drank too much and then he would walk out of the house and slam the door. My mom would always end up crying and would go to bed until she stopped. After that she would come into my room and try to tell me that she and dad were okay and that he had to go to work and would be home soon. She would hold me for a long time when they fought and I could feel her body jerk as she cried. I held her back hoping that I was making her feel better but I didn’t know if I was helping or not. One day I asked my dad why he and mom were fighting all the time and he told me to mind my own business. After that day I didn’t feel close to my father again. The last time I saw my dad was when he and mom had a really big fight. Dad had been drinking and they told me to go to my room. I closed the door and tried not to hear them shout but they were so loud I couldn’t help hear them. My father was yelling and then I heard a sound that I will never forget, it was a popping crushing sound and then dishes and chairs falling all over the kitchen, I realized that my father had hit my mother in the face with his fist and she tumbled back into the table knocking it over. “Get out of here you bastard and never come back” screamed my mother. I heard the door slam and never saw my father again. I heard my mother crying and went to her. She was sitting on the floor leaning against the cabinets with blood running out of her mouth and tears streaming down her cheeks. I didn’t know what I should do and asked her if she was all right. No I’m not Lynn but I will be, please sit with me baby, I need a hug she said to me. I had always admired my father but after he hit my mother I never wanted to be like him again and if that was what men were like, I didn’t want to be a man either.”
“That’s a pretty big decision for a six year old boy to make, I hope you have learned that most men aren’t like that, a real man would never hit a woman. What happened next and tell me about some of your friends.”
“After dad left mom had to find a job and she went to work as a secretary in a realty office. After she worked there for a while she went to school for he realty license and after a few years she became one of the best sales persons in her office. During this time I went to school and did everything that most other boys do. My best friend was Kevin Cline and he and I did everything together. My mom paid his mom to watch me after school until she came home from work. I was always a little shorter than the other kids but they were never mean to me except for Elroy Crantz but he was mean to everyone, I guess you could call him a bully. He wasn’t the tallest kid in our class but he was just mean. He used to pick on everyone, even Ned Thomas. Ned was the tallest boy in class and he was really kind to everyone. He tried to be nice to Elroy, but Elroy just punched him in the stomach really hard and Ned fell to the ground and started crying. After that everyone avoided Elroy because no one wanted to get hit. Elroy would hang out with older kids and pretty much left us alone except when he wanted to prove a point and would beat up whom ever was closest to him. He beat me one day so I avoided him like the plague. I think I learned to love joking around so much because of Kevin. We would do all kinds of silly things like gluing a nickel to the sidewalk and watch people try to pick it up, it was a hoot. We would phone people and ask them if their refrigerator was running and that they had better catch it, we thought that was really funny. Now that I think back we were only eight when we did that and I’m sure the people knew it was just some young kids fooling around. Kevin was like a brother to me.”
“Did you ever wear girls clothes when you were younger?”
“No, never.”
“And when did you start dressing?”
“I told you two weeks ago.”
“You mentioned Mindy, who is Mindy?”
“She’s my best friend.”
“I thought you said Kevin was your best friend.”
“He was until we moved two years ago. My mom bought a house were we live now because we were renting our old house. When we arrived Mindy lived next door and came to greet me and we have been best friends ever since. We do every thing together except for girl things and now we even do those things together. Mindy moved to a new house last year but that didn’t stop us from being best friends, I love her like a sister.”
“And Mindy talked you into dressing like a girl?”
“No she didn’t, not really, she just helped me.”
“Then why did you start dressing like a girl?”
“Mindy and I were playing a prank on the school and it got out of hand and I had to dress as one to make everything better.”
“So this is the result of a prank?”
“Yes.”
“Would you tell me all about your prank so I can have a better grasp of why you’re doing this?”
“Yes Doctor”
Lynn proceeded to tell Dr. Jackson the whole story of him becoming homecoming princess and when he was finished Dr. Jackson looked at the clock and said, “Lynn what you’ve told me is fascinating but we are out of time today so I want you to make an appointment with my nurse for this Thursday so we can continue with your treatment. I’ll ask her to block out Tuesdays and Thursdays at four o’clock for the next six weeks for you and maybe by that time we might have a better understanding as to which way we should proceed. Would you ask your mother to come in here?”
“Yes Doctor,” Lynn answered as he exited the room. “Mom, Dr. Jackson wants to see you.”
Susan rose and walked into Dr. Jackson’s office and closed the door.
“Mrs. Collins, Lynn’s a very interesting subject. I don’t know if he is transgender or not. There is a possibility that he is but right now I tend to think he might be in shock because of what has happened to him in the last two weeks. Because of this I would recommend that he dress as a boy until I get a better feel as to what he is like.”
“Are you sure, he loves being a girl.”
“I’m sure he does, he is very pretty and I’m sure extremely popular, especially with the boys but I don’t want him making a life decision about his sex because of that, I want him to come to me and say I want to be a woman no mater what, even if I have to be a nun it’s that important to me. I don’t want him telling me he wants to be a girl because he likes the clothes, I want him telling me he wants to be a girl because he is one, and that’s why I want him to dress as a boy. If after our sessions he looks me in the eye and says Doctor I don’t mind wearing these clothes because these clothes don’t make me a boy because I could wear a sack and it wouldn’t change who I am, I am a woman. If he does that I will recommend hormones to achieve his dream.”
“Thank you Doctor” Susan answered.
Susan made all of Lynn’s appointments and then would wait for the outcome.
“Mrs. Collins, are you alright? You’ve been staring at that sign for the last hour,” said the court bailiff.
“Oh I’m fine, I’m just reminiscing about the past.”
“I know this trial has been hard on you, let me buy you a cup of coffee.”
“That’s very kind of you.”
The bailiff escorted Susan to the cafeteria and had her sit while he bought her a cup of coffee.
He returned and handed it to her.
“Thank you,” she said.
“This must be very hard on you,” he said.
“It is, but it is almost over, I hope the jury can come to a decision soon, I just want some closure,” Susan said as tears filled her eyes.
“I’m sure they will make the right decision.”
“I hope so.”
Susan finished her coffee alone as the bailiff was called back to the courtroom. She drifted back into her dream world.
She hated having to tell Lynn that he would have to be a boy again because Lynn the girl was such an open person. She was, well, a girl and she was being a girl and Lynn the boy was gone.
“But Mom, how am I going to do that, look at me, my nails and hair and my brows, how can I be a boy again?”
“You’re going to have to cut you nails to play water polo even if you’re a girl and I think maybe I can do something with your hair. You could say you were cooking and you singed your brows and that should be that.”
“But I want to be a girl.”
“I know honey, but clothes don’t make the girl, you’re either a girl or not and if you still feel like a girl after being a boy again then tell the Doctor”
“Okay Mom. I’ll try.”
Susan called Miss Benson that afternoon and told her that Lynn would be returning to school as a boy. You could hear the sigh of relief over the phone.
When Susan and Lynn arrived home it was time to make Lynn as masculine as possible so off came the breast forms and the nails were clipped off. When the forms were removed Lynn felt as though he had lost his two best friends in the world.
The next morning Lynn dressed for school and his mother helped him with his hair. Susan pulled it back into a ponytail and the pushed his tendrils on top of his head and then put on a baseball cap. He wore black jeans and a black T-shirt to complete the look.
“What do you think?” asked Susan.
“I look like a girl with a baseball cap on.”
“I know, turn it around so the bill is in the back, that’s how boys wear them.”
Lynn did as instructed and looked in the mirror, hmm that’s a little better he thought. Susan looked at her son and worried that he might not get away with being a male, he was just too pretty to be a boy.
School was pretty much the same except this day Lynn didn’t take his hair down for Mr. Copeland’s class. He figured that that little joke had gone on long enough.
“Lynn aren’t you going to let your hair down?” asked Mindy.
“God no, not after all that’s happened and you should be the last one to ask that question,” replied Lynn.
“You’re right, no more jokes,” giggled Mindy.
Mr. Copeland entered the classroom and took roll. He noticed Lynn’s new appearance and couldn’t hold his tongue, “New wardrobe Miss Collins, going for the gangster look?”
Lynn turned red with embarrassment and answered, “No Sir.”
Mindy felt Lynn’s discomfort but couldn’t help giggle out loud.
“Your own private joke again, Mindy?”
“Sorry sir.”
So it seemed that the events of the previous two and a half weeks had come full circle but they hadn’t. Class ended and Mindy couldn’t wait to talk to Lynn.
“Lynn, what happened, I thought you were going to attend school as my girl friend?”
“I wanted to but my therapist said he wanted me to try being a boy again.”
“How do you feel?”
“I hate it, I feel like a freak,” Lynn answered as tears filled his eyes.
Mindy hugged Lynn and said, “Don’t worry, I’m here for you. Maybe this weekend my girl friend can come back and we can go to the mall.”
A smile lit up Lynn’s face as he answered, “Oh Mindy, that would be so much fun, yes lets do it.”
Lynn finished his day with water polo practice and didn’t worry about his hair because all the players wore caps with their number on them and his feminine style wouldn’t be seen. He went home and did his homework and when he was finished he looked in his closet at the wardrobe his mother had bought him the previous Sunday and just sighed, maybe they will be mine again to wear, thought Lynn.
Thursday came and it was back to Dr. Jackson’s for his appointment.
“Good afternoon Lynn, how are you feeling today?”
“Pretty good I guess.”
“Just pretty good?”
“I miss my other person.”
“You miss being a girl?”
“Yes, very much.”
“It’s only been a few days since we started your treatment so I’ll reserve judgment on that until several weeks pass. I have to get a better feel on why you want to be a girl so I would like to talk more about when you first started this girl thing. Tell me more about the first time you saw yourself as a girl.”
“It was when Mindy made me up and took my picture for our posters. When I saw my picture it scared the heck out of me because I was so pretty, I was the kind of girl that would never go out with a boy like me. In a way it kind of creeped me out that I could be so pretty.”
“How did you feel when you dressed?”
“I didn’t dress that night, I only wore a blouse because it was only a headshot for the poster and it was just a regular old blouse, you know, nothing special.”
“If that’s the case why did you start dressing?”
“Remember I told you that I won the contest so I had no choice, it was that or I would be kicked out of school.”
“How did you feel the first time you saw yourself as a girl?”
“I don’t know, it’s kind of hard to explain, at first I was shocked that I could look so much like a girl but then I liked the way I looked but I also noticed that I like the way I felt inside.”
“And how was that?”
“I felt soft and pretty and as though I had found something that was missing.”
“And how did you feel when you had to change back to Lynn the boy.”
“I felt sad, even Mindy noticed, but she told me not to worry because I could be a girl the next day so I felt better after that.”
“So you continued dressing as one?”
“Yes almost everyday.”
“Why so often?”
“Mindy said I needed practice for all the school events. She told me I had to think and act like a girl all the time if I was going to pass without being seen as a boy.”
“Did you like doing it all the time?”
“I loved it. After a few times I thought of myself as a girl and not a boy anymore.”
“What did you do when you were a girl?”
“You know, girl things.”
“Girl things?”
“Sure, we went shopping and cruised the malls and flirted with boys.”
“You flirted with boys?”
“Of course, that’s what girls do.”
“Didn’t you feel that was wrong to do since you are a boy?”
“I was a girl flirting not a boy, in fact Mindy even got mad at me and told me it wasn’t right for me to flirt because she only wanted me to act like a girl not become one but as the days past I did become one. I tried not too but it was something I had no control of, I became a girl and now I love being a girl and to be perfectly honest with you I hate having to be a boy.”
“I know it’s hard Lynn but it is best that you at least try to be a boy until we decide what to do. You might actually like being a boy again if you give it a chance. Your hour is up so we will have to continue this next week, I’ll see you then.”
“Dr. Jackson, would it be alright if I dressed as a girl once in a while, you won’t be angry if I do will you?”
“Of course you can and no I won’t be angry. It’s very important that you know that there is no right or wrong when it comes to your feelings, there is only right or wrong when it come to actions and then only if it hurts someone else, so if you want to be a girl then be one, I just don’t want you to be one at school just yet.”
“Thank you so much, Dr. Jackson,” gushed Lynn.
“It sounds to me like a very pretty young lady is going to be visiting her friends soon.”
“Yes, Dr. Jackson,” blushed Lynn.
“Try not to let it sway your feelings about your sexuality alright?”
“I won’t Doctor, I just want to be me whom ever me is.”
Friday came and Mindy asked Lynn if he wanted to see a movie.
“Lynn that new comedy movie, Love Sucks is playing, do you want to go?”
“I’d love to, would it be alright if I came as your girl friend?”
“I was hoping you would, Judy and I will pick you up at seven and we can shop until the movie starts.”
Judy was Mindy’s new neighbor that had just moved into her neighborhood from another town across state. Judy was seventeen and had her driver’s license and was eager to have new friends and driving a car was one way to achieve that.
“See you then,” said Lynn.
Lynn arrived at home and phoned his mother to tell her of his plans for the evening.
“Mom, Mindy and I are going to the show to see a movie and I just wanted to know if that would be alright, and one other thing, I want to go as your daughter.”
There was silence as Susan digested what Lynn had said, sure the movie was fine and going with Mindy was fine but going as her daughter was well she was conflicted.
“Do you think going as a girl is the right thing to do?”
“Yes I do, if I try to put my girl self in the closet how will I be able to decide what I want with my life?”
“You’re right honey go ahead and have fun, but remember you’re a young woman and I expect you to act as one, do I make myself clear?”
“Yes mom, and mom, I love you,” Lynn said excitedly.
Lynn decided to wear a pink mini skirt, her white tennis shoes and a white blouse with short sleeves and a scooped neck, that way she wouldn’t show cleavage because she wasn’t able to attach her breast forms by herself so she just inserted them into her bra. Lynn applied her makeup and brushed out her hair then went to wait for Mindy to pick her up. Judy honked the car’s horn and Lynn ran out to the car.
“Wow Lynn, you look great.”
“Thanks.”
“How do you feel?”
“Complete for a change, I missed being a girl.”
“I missed having my girl friend around.” Said Mindy.
The girls drove off and arrived at the mall. Judy spotted three other girls that were seniors in school like herself that she had met and decided to join them since hanging with freshmen wasn’t cool.
“I’m going to hang with Sherri and the other girls, I’ll meet you here after the movie okay?” asked Judy.
“That’s cool,” said Mindy. Mindy really didn’t care since Judy was basically a ride for her and it was much cooler being driven around by a peer rather than your mother.
Lynn and Mindy went to buy tickets for the nine o’clock show. Before they reached the ticket booth Mindy looked and spotted Charlie and Rex.
“Lynn, there’s Charlie and Rex, what do you want to do?”
“I don’t know, what do you want to do?”
“Well last time we had fun and I do kind of like Charlie, let’s see what they want to do. If we buy our own tickets then we won’t be obligated to them but if they buy them for us then we will probably have to kiss them and stuff like that, what do you want to do?”
“Lynn got a devilish look in her eyes and said, “Let’s have them buy our tickets.”
The girls giggled and then called to the boys. Charlie and Rex were more than happy to purchase the girls tickets for them and Rex could hardly wait to put his arm around the girl of his dreams. When Rex put his arm around Lynn’s shoulders she snuggled close to him, she liked feeling protected.
”I’ve missed you,” Rex said.
“I’ve missed you too,” replied Lynn.
The couples walked to their seats and got comfortable before the movie started. The movie was the typical silly dribble that tries to pass as comedy these days so it wasn’t long before the girls and boys were making out. Lynn loved the way she was feeling and when Rex began to probe her mouth with his tongue she melted into his arms. As the make out session continued Rex found the courage to begin caressing Lynn’s legs. When he first touched her leg she jumped so Rex withdrew his hand. Lynn took his hand and put it back on her leg so he could caress it. As his hand moved on her leg Lynn was becoming inflamed with desire, she had never felt anything so sensual before. Rex was slowly moving higher on Lynn’s inner thigh and Lynn was responding, she pulled Rex tighter to her body as she felt a tension building in her stomach. Rex had finally reached her panties, well actually the lacy edge of the panties before Lynn realized where his hand was. She reached down and pulled his hand away, she had promised her mother that she would be a good girl and besides if Rex went any farther Lynn would die a horrible death when he discovered Lynn’s secret.
Lynn move her mouth away from Rex’s long enough to say, “Please don’t,” and then returned her lips to his.
Rex being the nice young man that he was kept his hand below Lynn’s panties the rest of the night. The movie ended and Lynn had to wait to compose herself before the couples left, she was on fire. Rex and Charlie walked the girls to Mindy’s car and kissed the girls goodnight. Rex pulled Lynn to his body and kissed her deeply and probed her mouth with his tongue Lynn felt weak as she felt his erection against her stomach. She wondered what it would feel like inside her, Lynn was becoming a woman. The couples broke their embrace and Judy drove Lynn and Mindy home.
Lynn entered her home and found her mother waiting up for her.
“Hi sweetheart, did you have fun?” Susan asked.
“Yes we had a wonderful time.”
“What movie did you see?”
“Love Sucks.”
“Is that all you did?”
Why is mom asking me all these questions Lynn wondered?
“Yes, we just saw the show, well actually we walked around the mall first.”
“Who else was there besides Mindy?”
Lynn turned red, her mom knew, but how could she know, I’d better be honest with her or all this might end, “Rex and Charlie.”
“Who are Rex and Charlie?”
“Mindy’s friends,” Lynn answered innocently.
“One of them must be your friend too, I can tell by your lipstick, it is smeared all over you lips. This is another lesson for you to learn, before you come home you go to the ladies room and fix your makeup so you look presentable and another thing, didn’t I ask you to behave like a lady?”
“Yes mom, all we did was kiss.”
“Maybe this time all you did was kiss but next time it might be more and I don’t want my daughter getting a reputation as being easy, do I make myself clear?”
“Yes mom.”
“Now tell me all about your boyfriend,” Susan asked excitedly.
“Mom, he’s not my boyfriend, I just kind if like him a lot.”
“Well that’s why you would call him a boyfriend and besides if he isn’t your boyfriend why were you making out with him, now tell me all about my daughters first love.”
“His name is Rex and he’s so cute, I just want to snuggle up to him every time I see him. He and Charlie are best friends and they go to a private school. Rex is very nice to me so I feel comfortable and protected when I’m with him,” Lynn answered dreamily.
“It sounds like my little girl is in love.”
“Mom it’s not like that, were just good friends.”
“Just be careful young lady.”
“Yes Mom.”
Lynn went to her room and removed her clothing and makeup and went to bed. She was thankful that her mother had been so understanding.
Susan went to bed and knew when Lynn’s therapy with Dr. Jackson was over she would have a daughter and her son would be gone. She smiled to herself thinking about her daughter and her first boy friend.
Other than his night out with Mindy, Lynn pretty much kept to himself and helped his mother around the house by doing chores. Most of the time he tried to come to some kind of conclusion as to his sexuality.
Monday he returned to school as a boy and was surprised that no one had said anything about his appearance today or the previous week. Perhaps that was more of an indication of Lynn’s impact on campus than his appearance. Lynn’s only close friend was Mindy and most of the other students pretty much ignored Lynn because as a boy he wasn’t intimidating and because he hadn’t started puberty he was just a little boy to be ignored. Lynn probably could have shaved his head and the other students would have thought he was just weird. Lynn still wore his cap backwards to keep his hair up but his brows still looked plucked.
Tuesday came and Lynn was back at Dr. Jackson’s office.
“Lynn how was your weekend?”
“It was wonderful, I went to a movie with Mindy.”
“Did you go as a boy or girl?”
“As a girl.”
“How did you feel when you did that?”
“I felt relief, as though I had found something that was missing.”
“And what do you think was missing?”
“My femininity, I feel like I’m a girl and when I try to be a boy it’s like it’s a charade of some sort, it just doesn’t feel right.”
“Hmm, that’s interesting, so you and Mindy went to the movie, did you do anything else?”
“Yes, we met Rex and Charlie at the mall and they took us to the movie.”
“And how did you feel about that?”
“Like any other girl, I felt special.”
“Did you and Rex have any physical contact?”
“Yes, we kissed a lot.”
“And how did you feel about that?”
“It was wonderful, I wanted to kiss him all night long.”
“But how did you feel inside, did kissing make you feel any different?”
“Oh yes, I felt warm and numb at the same time and my stomach was doing flip flops. When he kissed me goodnight I felt his thing get hard and wondered what it would feel like inside of me.”
“Well your certainly reacting like a woman, maybe I might be wrong by insisting that you try to be a boy. It sounds as though you’re a girl trying to be a boy so maybe I’ll have you dress as a boy for the rest of the week and if nothing’s changed then maybe we can cut your sessions short as to you beginning hormones. If I approve of hormone treatment I will expect you to still see me every week because I want to be sure that it’s the right thing to do, I’ll see you Thursday.”
“Thank you Doctor”
Lynn returned to Dr. Jackson’s office for his Thursday appointment.
“Good afternoon Lynn, how are you feeling today?”
“I’m feeling fine I guess, I just wish all of this was over.”
“It will be soon. I want to be honest with you though, I’m very conflicted as to the best treatment for you. You’re the youngest person I have ever treated and that makes you a special case with me. All of my previous patients had started puberty and knew what they felt as far as their sexual needs were concerned. All of my male to female girls had experienced a male orgasm at least once before they transitioned and knew what they were giving up when they started hormone therapy but you have never had that experience so you really can’t make a knowledgeable decision as to whether you want to be a girl or boy. If I were to jump off the curb so to speak, I would recommend hormones right now and let nature take its course and let you become a girl but for some reason I’m bothered by this, I just wish you could experience what a male experiences before making this decision. On the other hand if you were to become a girl now you wouldn’t have a conflict with the male female thing, you would just be a woman with womanly desires. I thought I would be able to make a decision by today but I’m going to put it off until next week. How do you feel about my decision?”
“I wish I could start hormones now but if I have to wait, then I will. I know my mind won’t change because I have already felt what a woman feels when I’m kissed by a boy. I have no desire to kiss a girl that way because I’m a girl already and so one more week won’t make a difference. I’ll wear these clothes if you want me to but they won’t change how I feel inside, I feel like a girl.”
“Lynn, you can wear any clothes you wish, even at school. I would like you to bring Mindy with you next Tuesday because I would like to talk to her about how you handled your training to become a girl.”
“Yes Dr. Jackson, see you next week.”
Lynn arrived at home and couldn’t wait to tell his mother the news about what he could wear.
“Mom, Dr. Jackson told me I could wear any clothes I wish, even to school.”
“Oh really?”
“Yes, I finally get to wear my nice clothes.”
“Do you mean your girls clothes?”
“Of course Mom, what else would I mean, I can’t wait, I’m so excited.”
“Don’t be to hasty young lady, if you wear your girls clothes and become a girl full time you will have to quit your water polo and Miss Benson will have to find a way for you to transition smoothly into your classes.”
“I’ll have to quit water polo?”
“Yes, you won’t be able to be on the girls team just yet and I’m sure you won’t want to be on the boy’s team with your breast forms.”
“I see your point Mom, I guess I’ll have to quit then because being a girl is more important to me, I don’t want Lynn the boy here anymore.”
“Before you do this I think it would be best if you waited until Monday to dress as a girl so I can talk to Miss Benson tomorrow about your decision. It will be easier to be a girl after the weekend because most of the kids will forget that you were a boy, at least I hope they will, we’ll just have to see what happens.”
“Thanks Mom, can I have a hug?”
“Come here you, of course you can.” Susan said as she took her daughter into her arms.
The following morning Susan was on the phone with Miss Benson.
“Miss Benson, Susan Collins here, the reason for my call is to inform you that Lynn has decided that he wants to become a girl and will be wearing girl’s clothes to school starting Monday. I told him it would probably be best if he started after the weekend so most of the students will probably forget he was a boy the week before. I think maybe it would be best if nothing is said unless someone figures out that Lynn is a boy and if it creates a problem then something can be said, how do you feel about doing it this way.”
“I think that might work because Lynn is one of those students that just blends in and is never noticed until he does something stupid. You and Lynn have my utmost support.”
“Thank you Miss Benson, if this goes smoothly then you will be off the hook for the grief you’ve caused Lynn so keep your fingers crossed.”
“They are Mrs. Collins, they are.”
Susan informed Lynn of the decision she and Miss Benson had made and Lynn squealed with joy before running to her room.
Lynn was on the phone three seconds later.
“Mindy, guess what, I get to be a girl all the time now, is that cool or what?”
“Even at school?”
“Yes, even at school, I’m changing clothes right now, it’s good-by Lynn the boy and hello Lynn the girl, this is going to be so much fun, I can’t wait for school.”
“Don’t you think people will notice your change?”
“Nobody noticed me before so why would they notice anything different and besides when I was a girl at the homecoming dance nobody recognized me so why should they now?”
“You’re right, the boys will drool just looking at you and the other girls will welcome you as one of there own and one other thing though, don’t steal another girls boyfriend or they will look for something to hurt you with and then you might be found out so be careful. Now what are my best girl friend and I going to do this weekend?”
“Shop?”
“Yep, Lynn the boy is gone, Judy and I’ll pick you up tomorrow and we can go into San Francisco and shop at Union Square.”
“Cool, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Lynn said as she hung up the phone.
“Mom, Mindy and I are going shopping tomorrow, would that be alright?”
“Of course it would be, you’re a girl now and that’s what we do.”
“Thanks Mom, could I do something else this weekend?”
“What’s that?”
“Would it alright if I were to visit Mrs. Mac Lain this Sunday?”
“What a nice thing to do, of course you may, you’re making me very proud of you Lynn. I couldn’t ask for a better daughter.”
“Thanks Mom, I love you.”
“Mrs. Collins, I’m sorry to bother you but the cafeteria is closing in a few minutes so you will have to wait out in the hall,” said the bailiff.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I must have been daydreaming again, I’ll go back to the bench by the courtroom. Have you heard anything from the jury?”
“No, not yet, if they don’t come to a decision by five o’clock they will be sent home and will have to come back tomorrow.”
“Thank you officer.”
Susan walked slowly back to the marble bench and lowered herself down to sit once more. God how can this take so long she wondered, the case was cut and dried, they should have decided in an hour, unless, unless, Susan didn’t want to think about that.
Susan drifted off once again thinking about her daughter’s first trip to San Francisco as a girl.
Saturday morning came and Judy and Mindy picked Lynn up bright and early. The girls arrived in San Francisco just as the stores were opening.
“Where do you want to start?” asked Mindy.
“I don’t know, remember this is my first time doing this,” answered Lynn.
“Let’s start with the expensive stores first and end up where we can afford the clothes,” said Mindy.
And that’s what the girls did, boutiques first, then Macys and finally H and M and DSW shoes. When Lynn arrived at home she couldn’t wait to show her mother everything she bought for the money Susan had given her.
“Mom, I’m home.”
“Hi honey, did you have a good time?”
“Mom, it was so much fun, and look at all the things I bought.”
“Show me, it looks as though you bought out the whole city,” Susan giggled.
Lynn started with the clothing and ended with the shoes.
“Honey, how could you buy all this stuff, I only gave you one hundred forty dollars to spend?”
“I found all the clothing in clearance and the heels were half off, they were so cute I couldn’t resist them.”
“You bought everything on sale, you make a mother proud,” said Susan with a twinkle in her eye, “Let me see those heels.”
Lynn opened the box and handed them to her mother.
“Lynn these are Chinese Laundry sandals, how much did you pay for them?”
“They were sixty-nine dollars to start with and then were marked down fifty percent, is that okay?”
“Honey these shoes usually cost two hundred dollars, of course it’s alright, did you try them on?”
“Yes they fit perfectly, I could even walk okay with the heels.”
“Hmm, they look to be over three inches tall, when will you be able to wear them?”
“There are school dances coming up and since they are black they will go with anything.”
“Good thinking, are you sure you weren’t a girl in a previous life,” asked Susan with a laugh.
“Maybe I was Mom, you never know.”
Susan had Lynn try on all her new clothes and was amazed at all the bargains Lynn found. She didn’t like some of the fashions Lynn chose but Lynn was a fourteen-year-old girl and they were fashions appropriate for a girl her age.
“Lynn go put your new things away and come back here so we can discuss what you are going to wear to school Monday.”
“Yes Mom.”
Lynn folded and hung her new possessions in her room and joined her mother in the kitchen.
“So what do you want to wear to school Monday morning, honey?”
“I’m not sure, I was thinking that I would really like to wear a skirt and blouse but then I thought it might be best if I wore jeans with a blouse so my change wouldn’t be so drastic, what do you think?”
“I think you’re right, jeans would be better the first time the other students saw you as a girl, maybe they won’t remember you as a boy or they might think of the old you as being a tomboy and that you’ve decided to become more feminine, yes, I think jeans would be best.”
“What am I going to do about P.E.?”
“I’ll phone Miss Benson and I’m sure she will assign you to study hall.”
“I’m going to miss water polo.”
“That’s a sacrifice you have to make, maybe next year you will be able to play again.”
“I hope so, I love being part of the team.”
Lynn and her mother spent the rest of the day talking and then Lynn helped cook dinner and clean up afterward before she went to bed.
Sunday she visited Mrs. Mac Lain at the hospital and got to know the woman better. Mrs. Mac Lain was surprised that Lynn came back to visit her since she knew the only obligation Lynn had was the previous visit.
“It was very nice of you to visit me Lynn.”
“Thank you Mrs. Mac Lain.”
“Why did you come back?”
“I enjoyed visiting with you so much last time that I wanted to see you again. It’s so interesting talking to you.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself. What do you plan on doing after you graduate from high school?”
“I would like to go to college.”
“What would you like to study?”
“I’m not sure yet.”
“Take it from me honey, take business.”
“Why?”
“So you will be able to compete in the business world. I remember going back to school and everyone thought I was crazy taking business, “That’s for men” they would say, “Your place is in the home” women said, well when my husband died, I couldn’t very well feed my children by staying home and that’s why I went back to school and learned how to compete in the business world and I hope you do the same. I would like you to go to work at one of my businesses after school or during the summer so you can learn more about the business world.”
“I would like to very much.”
“I’m going to write a letter of recommendation for you so they will be more that happy to hire a young thing like you.”
“Thank you Mrs. Mac Lain.”
“Now let’s walk out into the garden so I can tell you more about life in the thirties, I really enjoy talking to a pretty girl like you.”
Lynn walked Mrs. Mac Lain to the garden and listened to her as she gave Lynn a lesson on history from one that had lived through the great depression.
Lynn stayed for several hours and then kissed the woman on her cheek when she left. Lynn could see the sadness in her eyes when she left.
“Goodbye Mrs. Mac Lain, I’ll try to get by next week.”
When Lynn said that you could see her face brighten with happiness.
When Lynn returned home she told her mother how much she enjoyed her visit with Mrs. Mac Lain and that she might be able to get a job working at one of her old companies. She then told her that she wanted to visit again next week. Susan was pleased that her daughter was such a sweet girl and hoped that school wouldn’t change her Lynn into something else.
Monday came and Lynn attended school the first time as a girl. She wore low cut jeans and a cute blouse with a scooped neck. It wasn’t low enough to show cleavage and Lynn didn’t want anything like that to show just yet. Her mother attached the forms with cement and helped Lynn with her makeup, just a little shadow, mascara and lip gloss, earrings and a necklace. Lynn was the very picture of a female student; she would blend in perfectly.
Lynn’s first stop was Miss Benson’s office to change her schedule.
“Good morning Lynn, you look very nice this morning,” Miss Benson said. She couldn’t believe this was the boy she tried to discipline by making him dress as a girl, Lynn was just another girl student only much prettier than most.
“Thank you Miss Benson, did my mother call you so I can drop P.E.?”
“Yes she did, you will be in study hall fifth period. I told your P.E. instructor that you moved away so there won’t be any questions.”
“Thank you Miss Benson.”
“You had better hurry to class now or you will be late.”
Lynn rushed to Mr. Copeland’s class and just made it before the bell rang.
Mr. Copeland took role and had to remark on Lynn’s appearance.
“Good morning Miss Collins, it’s nice of you to take some pride in your appearance for a change.”
“Yes Mr. Copeland.”
Lynn felt like crawling under her desk, now everyone will know that I’m a boy dressing as a girl, shit, I’m dead.
“See, I told you he was really a girl,” stated Tom Lotti.
“I did too,” said Sharon Smith, not wanting to feel as though someone had put something over on her.
Dustin, who sat next to Lynn asked, “Why did you pretend to be a boy?”
Lynn who was now relieved answered, “I was just joking around, but my mom found out and made me stop doing it.”
“I’m glad she did, now I get to sit next to the prettiest girl in school.”
Lynn just blushed and said, “Thank you.”
And so the day went, each class decided that Lynn had been playing a joke on them and he was much prettier as the girl they thought he was.
Tuesday found Lynn back at Dr. Jackson’s office with Mindy in tow.
“Good afternoon Lynn, I see that you’ve decided to dress as a girl today.”
“Yes Doctor”
“Did you attend school like that?”
“Yes, and I did yesterday too.”
“How did that go?”
“It went fine, everyone thought I was a girl all the time from when school first started.”
“I guess that made the transition easier then.”
“Yes it did.”
“Did you bring Mindy with you today?”
“Yes.”
“Would you ask her to come in here for a moment, I’d like to talk to her alone.”
“Yes Doctor”
Lynn went and asked Mindy to talk to the Doctor while she waited in the reception room.
“Thank you for coming today, Mindy. The reason that I asked Lynn to bring you is that I wanted talk to you about Lynn’s transition into a girl. Could you tell me a little about when you first noticed a change in Lynn?”
“I guess it was when I first dressed him as a girl. I tried to teach him how to act and it came naturally to him, it was kind of creepy.”
“Did it bother you that it was so easy for him?”
“Not at first, I just wanted him to be able to get away with the deception but as we did it more I didn’t like where it was going.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“I took Lynn shopping and some boys started to flirt with us. I just ignored them but Lynn flirted back with one of them, not like a boy being silly, but he was flirting like a girl and it was then that I knew he was becoming a girl. I told our councilor at school what was happening but she said that was good because she didn’t want Lynn to get caught pretending to be a girl and not to worry that Lynn would be more than happy to be a boy again after his punishment.”
“What happened next, did Lynn say anything about wanting to be a boy again?”
“No, and things just got worse, we met some guys and Lynn fell for one of them.”
“Did they have sex?”
“Oh God no, nothing like that, they just made out but when we left the boys Lynn gave his phone number to the boy just like a girl would. I think he forgot he was a boy and acted just like a girl.”
“Did he see the boy after that?”
“No, he didn’t have time. He had to take care of all his duties as princess and then when he had his make over done, it was as though they wiped the boy away, there was only a girl left.”
“How do you feel about all of this?”
“At first I was having fun making Lynn into a girl but then it got serious when he became one and I didn’t like what I had done, after all if I had never asked Lynn to play that prank none of this would have ever happened, but now, I love my new girl friend and would do anything for her.”
“Do you feel that Lynn has truly become a girl, other than her male parts?”
“Oh yes, there is no boy left.”
“Thank you Mindy, would you send Lynn back in here?”
Lynn returned to the office.
“Lynn, after talking to Mindy there is no doubt that you are a girl and that the boy Lynn is gone forever. I know I should give you permission to start hormones and I’m sure I will but you are so young and I have to be sure it’s the right thing to do. I’m going to talk to a specialist about you and what the hormones will do to someone as young as you and will give you my answer as to that decision on Thursday, see you then.”
“Thank you Doctor”
“Oh by the way please have your mother come in with you.”
“I will.”
Lynn returned to school on Wednesday and discovered something new - she was popular. The boys thought they had gone to heaven when they saw her and the girls liked her because she was nice and she attracted boys like honey did to bees. As the day wore on girls all wanted to be her best friend. There were slumber parties and regular parties she was invited to, and the boys, God the boys, go to the movies with me, how about a party, meet my parents, study with me, it was overwhelming. Lynn went home and just wanted to be alone.
Thursday came and it was the same thing all over except this time she put it into perspective. Where were these people when she was Lynn the boy? She knew they wanted to be with her because she was pretty but had no clue as to what kind of person she was. At least she knew Mindy loved her for the person she was and decided that if she went to a party, Mindy would go too and besides Mindy would watch out for her. Lynn knew she needed help when it came to social skills as a girl and her best friend would guide her.
That afternoon Lynn and her mother were in Dr. Jackson’s office.
“I’m glad you both could make it this afternoon. I wanted you here Susan because I’ve come to a decision about hormones for Lynn. I looked into the plusses and minuses of hormone therapy for Lynn and have found that if he were to do this now it would be best if indeed he wants to become a woman. If we wait then there will be masculine traits to overcome. The only down side to this is that Lynn would never be able to be a functioning male after treatment begins. Well actually he would able to after several months but realistically he will be a woman for the rest of his life. After reviewing my sessions with Lynn I don’t think that will be a problem. At this time I would consider Lynn a girl waiting to start puberty and would recommend hormone treatment for him. Now you two must decide which course to take.”
“Lynn, what do you want to do?” asked Susan.
“Mom, please let me be your girl,” Lynn answered excitedly.
“Then that’s what we will do, Dr. Jackson, does that answer your question?”
“Yes it does, I’ll have Dr. Bruce start as soon as possible.”
“Thank you Dr. Jackson,” said Lynn as she and her mother left.
Susan called Dr. Bruce right away with Dr. Jackson’s referral.
“Susan, you might as well come in now, it will only take a few minutes to inject Lynn and that way we don’t lose any time.”
“Thank you so much,” said Susan.
Lynn and Susan drove directly to Dr. Bruce’s office for Lynn’s first injection.
“Lynn I’m going to inject you with a testosterone blocker and with estrogen for you to develop a girls figure. I want you to come here once a month for injections and I will prescribe some pills for you to take everyday. After a while I might recommend removal of your testicles so you won’t have to take the testosterone blockers but that will be in the future, maybe in a year or so. Okay here we go, please lower your jeans so I can welcome you to our side of the aisle. This won’t hurt too much, I’m going to do both sides of your butt so please don’t move.”
Dr. Bruce injected Lynn on both cheeks of her butt without much ado. Lynn felt the serum flow into her and knew that now she was truly a woman. As the hormones coursed through her system she felt giddy, she felt like such a woman.
“Doctor I feel so feminine, so womanly, thank you,” said Lynn with the excitement reserved for fourteen-year-old children.
“Lynn, I hate to burst your bubble but you aren’t going to feel anything different for months, I know your excited about doing this but what you’re doing takes time, you won’t have breasts over night, but still I can feel your excitement, what you have done is a big step and I’ll be here for you.”
Lynn and her mother left and went home. Lynn could hardly wait to tell Mindy that she was now a woman.
“Mindy, guess what, I’m like you now, I’m really a girl.”
“You are?”
“Yes, I just got my first hormone shot, now we’re both women.”
“Wow Lynn that’s so cool, but were not women yet, we’re still girls.”
“You know what I mean, I won’t have to wear my breast forms anymore.”
“You grew boobs already?”
“No silly, I mean after a while.”
“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow, I have so much homework to get done, God my math class is so hard, I hate it.”
“I think math is easy, I wish you still lived next door so I could help you, okay, see you tomorrow.”
“Bye.”
Lynn went and did her homework like good girl and then went to bed and dreamed of the girl she was going to become.
Susan sat on the hard marble bench and remembered how the months past and watched as the hormones changed her little girl. She couldn’t help but giggle at some of the conversations she had with her daughter. She especially remembered when Lynn finally started to develop in the chest area.
“Mom, my chest hurts,” complained Lynn.
“Let me see honey, take your top off.”
Lynn removed her top and bra. She still wore her forms because she didn’t want to go from a B cup to a zero cup over night. If she did the other students would have thought she was indeed a boy and not the girl she claimed to be. The cement had started to irritate Lynn’s skin so she had stopped gluing the forms on her chest butt now she again had irritation. Susan examined Lynn’s chest and smiled. Lynn’s nipples were inflamed and there was a puffiness under them, my baby’s becoming a woman she thought.
“Lynn honey, the reason your chest hurts is that your breasts are beginning to grow, you’re becoming a woman.”
“But it hurts,” whined Lynn.
“It doesn’t hurt that bad, remember I went through the same thing and it only lasts for a little while and just think of the improvement when you’ve finished growing,” giggled Susan.
“You’re right Mom, I’ll try not to be such a baby,” Lynn said as she put her clothes back on.
Two more weeks past and Lynn was once again upset.
“Mom, I’m getting fat, I can’t button my jeans,” wailed Lynn.
“Let me see,” answered Susan.
Susan inspected Lynn and came to the logical conclusion.
“Lynn, you’re starting to develop into a woman. Remember last week you complained about your chest hurting and I explained that your breasts are starting to grow, well that’s not the only thing that’s going to grow, your hips are too. Your jeans aren’t going to fit anymore because we bought them to fit your figure and at the time you had a boy’s figure or a little girls figure but now the hormones are making you develop into a woman. Your waist isn’t growing but you hips and breasts are, this is a very awkward time for a girl. Your clothes won’t fit properly until you’ve finished maturing, but there is one good thing about this period of time, we girls get to shop a lot.”
“Mom, you’re so silly sometimes, I love you.”
“I love you too and this weekend I’ll buy you some new jeans.”
“Thanks Mom.”
It was about a month later that Lynn came running to Susan to ask her the most important question of her life,
“Mom, Mom, may I go to a school dance, please,” Lynn begged.
“A school dance, with whom?”
“Rex asked me.”
“Who’s Rex?”
Susan had forgotten about when Lynn came home with smeared lipstick and Lynn wasn’t going to remind her mother that this was the boy with whom she had been making out.
“He’s a friend of Mindys.”
“What kind of dance is it?”
“It’s the spring formal, please say yes, I’ll love you forever.”
“Do you mean you won’t love me if I don’t let you go?”
“Come on Mom, please, you know I would love you no matter what, please let me go.”
“All right, you can go, but I want to meet this boy Rex and his parents too, where is the dance going to be held?”
“In the St. Patrick’s gym.”
“What are you supposed to wear?”
“Rex has to wear a suit and I have to wear a dress.”
“When is the dance?”
“The weekend after next, the tenth of May.”
“Alright, I’ll have to make an appointment to have your hair and nails done and we have to find you a dress to wear, who else is going?”
“Mindy and some of my girl friends from school.”
“Isn’t St. Patrick’s an all boys school?”
“Yes, that’s why the boys ask the girls from our school to go with them.”
“I hope this boy is nice.”
“He is Mom.”
“I hope so.”
This was the day Susan had dreaded, boys wanted her little girl and boys that age didn’t want girls to pamper and love, they wanted them for something all together different. She knew what they wanted and even worse she knew that some of the girls wanted the same thing. Her only hope was that Lynn had enough sense to behave herself.
“Lynn this Saturday I’ll take you to find a dress and shoes to go with it.”
“I could wear my heels I found when Mindy and I went shopping in San Francisco.”
“I guess you could, they’re awfully sexy though especially for a girl your age.”
“Please Mom they’re so cute.”
“And sexy, I guess it would be alright.”
Saturday came and Susan brought Lynn to find a dress for the dance.
“Let’s look at Macy’s, they probably have the best selection for a girl your age.”
Lynn and Susan found the junior department and the search began.
“Mom, look at this one, I have to have it, its gorgeous.”
“It is beautiful except you can’t wear it, it’s strapless and you don’t have the boobs to hold it up just yet, keep looking.”
Lynn found a black dress that had lace all the way to the collar and had to try it on.
“Mom, this one is perfect, I want to try it on.”
“Okay, I’ll keep looking to see if I can find another one for you.”
Lynn went into the dressing room and removed her jeans and blouse. She lifted the dress over her head and lowered it into place. It was lined with satin and had support built in for her bust. It had a keyhole back and Lynn was going to need help to zip it up. Luckily there was an attendant to help her. When it was zipped she looked in the mirror and knew this was the dress she wanted. She went to show her mother.
“Mom look, I love this dress, what do you think, can I have it, please?”
“Oh Lynn, you look so pretty in that, but isn’t it kind of short?”
Lynn loved the dress and how it caressed her skin as she walked but she also liked the way it fell to mid-thigh and showed her legs. Susan however was concerned with her daughter’s legs being on display and especially for her daughter’s date to look at.
“Mom, its perfect, please, may I have it?”
“As long as the boy is as nice as you say he is, I’ll let you have it.”
“Thank you Mom, oh thank you, thank you, thank you.”
Susan purchased the dress for Lynn and Mother and daughter finished the day buying more clothes for Lynn as the hormones were developing her figure at a much more rapid rate as is typical with young girls, they graduate from eighth grade looking like little girls and three months later they enter high school with a figure that stops boys from talking.
Lynn was far from having such a womanly figure but she was developing some feminine curves and much to Susan’s concern Lynn was developing womanly thoughts, especially about boys.
“Mom, look at that boy, God he’s so cute.”
“Yes I guess he is, but I think he’s a little old for you.”
“He’s only sixteen.”
“And your fourteen, so don’t get any big ideas young lady. I don’t want you dating yet and the only reason I’m letting you go to this dance is that dances like this are special for girls growing up, it’s part of becoming a woman.”
“Yes Mom.”
The week past and it was time for Lynn to have her hair done for the dance. She went back to Styles Spa to have it done by Sondra.
“Lynn how have you been, I haven’t seen you since the homecoming dance, so what’s the occasion this time?”
“It’s the spring formal at St. Patrick’s school.”
“Let me look at your hair,” Sondra said as she fluffed it with her fingers, “My it’s grown since you were here last. It looks like I have some work to do, you should see me every month at least for a trim, your so pretty that it’s a shame to let you hair go like this.”
“I didn’t think it was that bad.”
“Tsk, tsk, being well groomed is the first lesson a young woman should learn, come back here and let me wash your hair.”
Sondra washed Lynn’s hair and conditioned it. When she was done she wrapped it in a towel forming a turban.
“What would you like to do with your hair this time?”
“I liked what you did last time can you do the same to it?”
“Sure I can, in fact it will look better in the back because your hair is longer now and it should fall to between your shoulder blades, very sexy. How would you feel about some highlights, they would make the style perfect?”
“I guess my Mom won’t mind.”
“Good, now tell me about your date.”
Sondra started to work on Lynn’s hair and unlike the first time she wanted it to be as feminine as possible. Lynn told Sondra all about Rex and also about the homecoming dance and her kiss with Jason. By the time Lynn was finished with her stories Sondra had just finished rolling her hair to set it.
“Does your Mom want us to do your nails and makeup?” asked Sondra, “Your brows need some touching up.”
“I’m not sure, would it be okay if I called her?”
“Sure use the phone on the front desk.”
Lynn walked to the phone and called her mother.
“Mom, would it be okay if I had my nails and makeup done?”
“I wasn’t planning on it but since this is your first dance, I guess it would be alright.”
“Thanks Mom.”
Lynn hung up the phone and told Sondra that she could have the works.
“Good that way we can do everything while you hair dries.”
Sondra called Judy to do Lynn’s nails When she was done they were a deep burgundy color. Next Rachel did Lynn’s makeup.
“Lynn you have to take better care of your eyebrows, you should get in the habit of cleaning them up at least once a week, let me do it for you.”
Rachel plucked Lynn’s brows until they were even more feminine then the last time she had been here. She then made up Lynn’s face. When she was done Sondra brought Lynn back to her station and finished styling her hair. When she was finished Lynn was awe struck, she thought she looked good last time but with the highlights and new makeup, she knew Rex would be impressed, in fact she was impressed with her appearance. Lynn’s mother arrived to pay the bill and when she saw her daughter tears formed in her eyes, she looks so grown up she thought.
“Thank you Sondra for doing such a nice job on my daughter.”
“Honey, it’s a pleasure working on her, she so pretty to start with that it makes my work easy.”
Susan drove Lynn home so she could have a bite to eat and then dress for the dance.
“Lynn, take a bath and shave your legs and underarms while you’re in the bath. Be careful not to get you hair wet and don’t muss your makeup.”
“Yes Mom.”
Lynn filled the tub with warm water and lowered herself in and felt the relaxing water envelope her body. She lay in the water and thought about he exciting evening she was about to experience. The water started to cool so she lathered her legs and carefully pulled the razor up her legs being careful not to nick herself and then she did her underarms and exited the tub. Lynn wrapped the towel around her body and went to her room. When she removed the towel she looked in the mirror and called her mother.
“Mom, come here please.”
“What’s wrong honey?”
“My chest looks swollen and it hurts and I think I’m getting fat, maybe I should diet.”
“Let me see sweetheart, well it looks like my little girl won’t be little much longer, your developing breasts and your hips are growing, it looks as though your hormones are working. I doubt that you will have to diet for a while unless your stomach grows too and it looks as though that isn’t happening, you’re just becoming a young lady. Let’s get you dressed now so I can take some pictures of you.”
“Okay.”
Lynn pulled a pair of black thong panties up her legs and nestled her tiny penis and scrotum into them. Never having gone through male puberty had its pluses as it made hiding her male parts easy. Next Susan helped glue on Lynn’s breast forms and secured them with a black strapless bra.
“Mom, may I borrow your garter belt tonight?”
“Not in your life, you’re much too young for something that sexy. I bought a new pair of pantyhose for you, they’re on your night stand.”
Lynn tore open the package of hosiery and rolled them up her legs. When she reached the top she pulled them until they fit perfectly. They were a pair of sheer tan hose and Lynn felt the smoothness with her hand and got lost in the feel of them. Susan watched as her daughter lost herself in the femininity of her feelings.
“Mom, would you help me with my dress?”
“Of course sweetheart.”
Susan lowered the dress down over Lynn’s head and pulled it down until it fit like a glove. She then buttoned the collar behind Lynn’s neck. Susan then helped Lynn with her heels that she had bought while shopping with Mindy.
Susan started to cry. She couldn’t believe how pretty her daughter was. She looked elegant, the dress showed her shoulders and arms and just a little of her back was seen through the keyhole just below her neck. The hem stopped at mid-thigh. Her hair and makeup were flawless. Her legs looked tan and shapely as they curved seductively down to her feet and their Chinese Laundry sandals.
“Mom, why are you crying?”
“Because you’re so beautiful, come into the living room so I can take your picture.”
Lynn turned and looked at her reflection in her mirror. She stared and thought, I hope Rex is impressed when he sees me. Lynn glided slowly down the hallway to the living room walking slowly so as not to trip. She wasn’t used to wearing heels as high as this, they were just shy of four inches. Lynn loved the seductive click the heels make on the hardwood floor.
“Honey, stand in front of the fireplace and face me.”
“Okay mom.”
“Alright ready, smile,” flash, flash, “Now turn a little to the side, perfect,” flash, flash, “Now turn a little more, that’s it, “ flash, flash went the camera as Susan took the pictures. “When Rex gets here I want to take pictures of the both of you,” Susan said.
“Yes mom.”
Five minutes later there was a knock at the front door.
“Go back and wait in your room until I call you, your entrance is almost as important as what you wear.”
“Okay Mom.” Lynn returned to her room and Susan answered the door. She opened it and gazed at the creature that wanted to steal her baby from her. Rex was very nervous and he did look kind of cute, Susan was enjoying the young man’s discomfort, maybe Lynn would be all right after all.
“Come in,” Susan said as Rex and his father entered the house. “I’m Susan Collins,” she said as she extended her hand to Rex’s father.
“I’m Roger Shipley, Rex’s father, it’s nice to meet you,” he said as he took Susan’s hand in his, “and this is Rex.”
“It’s nice to meet you Rex.”
“I’m sorry my wife was unable to meet you tonight but she had to attend a meeting at the hospital to raise money for the children’s wing addition.”
“Well at least I was able to meet you. Aren’t you the Roger Shipley that owns the Chevy dealership across town?”
“One in the same, please don’t hold it against me.”
“I won’t,” laughed Susan, “Lynn, your guest is here.” Susan would be damned if she was going to call Rex her date, she was too young to date and besides this was just a dance so it was just, you know something special, but not a date.
Lynn walked down the hallway into the living room, her heels announcing her arrival.
“Hi,” Lynn said cheerily.
“Gulp, hhhi,” Rex stammered when he saw Lynn.
“Lynn this is Mister Shipley, Rex’s father,” Susan said.
“It’s nice to meet you Mister Shipley,” said Lynn with her biggest smile and extending her hand to shake his. The light danced off her nails as Roger took Lynn’s hand in his and shook it softly.
“It’s nice to meet you Lynn, it’s easy to see why Rex is so infatuated with you, you’re very pretty.”
“Dad,” Rex said as he whined with embarrassment.
Susan didn’t like the way Roger was looking at her daughter but she really couldn’t blame him as Lynn’s makeup made her look older so she would forgive him this time.
“You two stand in front of the fireplace and Rex you place your arm around Lynn’s back and hold her around her waist, that’s perfect, now hold still,” Susan said as she took the pictures of the couple.
“Okay kids, what time is the dance over?”
“I think around Ten-thirty.”
“Alright, I expect you home by eleven Lynn, have fun you two.”
“We will Mom.”
Rex walked Lynn to the Chevy Tahoe and helped her in and soon they were at the dance. Mr. Shipley left the couple off in front of the gym. Rex and Lynn walked into the room. When they did, all conversation stopped. The other boys were in awe when they saw Lynn and couldn’t believe Rex’s luck to have such a beauty for a date. The other girls noticed too but mostly they saw the reaction their dates had toward the beautiful girl. Almost to a couple the boys’ dates swung their elbows into their ribs and the whoosh of air being pushed out of their lungs filled the room.
Lynn looked around the room and spotted Mindy with her date and a group of other students.
“Rex, there’s Mindy, come on I have to talk to her,” said Lynn excitedly.
Lynn took Rex’s arm and pulled him across the floor to where Mindy was standing.
“Mindy, oh my God, I love your dress, you look so hot.”
Mindy did look good in her strapless red knee length dress. Mindy had developed a large bust over the last year and loved showing it off in low cut dresses like this. Mindy had also gone to the salon and had a make over that day and as she stood in her red four-inch heels the boys couldn’t help but notice her beautiful shape, she was a show stopper.
“Wow you should talk, I love your dress, where did you find it, it’s perfect.”
“At Macy’s with my Mom, let’s see if we can find a table.”
The couples walked to a table in the back of the room. Rex and Charlie were in their second year of high school so that meant that they were on the lower pecking order when it came to functions like this. The Senior’s had first choice of tables and then came the Juniors and then after that it was first come first serve.
The music started and Rex escorted Lynn to the dance floor for their first of many dances. The first five were fast and Lynn was having fun dancing and swiveling her hips like the rest of the girls. Finally there was a slow song and Rex swept Lynn into his arms. Lynn saw the other girl put both hands around they’re dates neck so Lynn did the same. Rex pulled Lynn tight to his body and Lynn laid her head against his shoulder. This was a new feeling for Lynn as the couple’s bodies rubbed against each other. Her last dance was the homecoming dance and at that dance she had become infatuated with her dance partner and had gotten lost in the femininity of dancing close to a boy. She had become somewhat aroused but only because she had never had sexual contact with anyone before. She felt like a beautiful girl in a romantic setting with a handsome boy and loved the way she had felt at the time, it was almost like a romance novel. But now something else was happening to Lynn, she was becoming aroused sexually. She was feeling romantic but now she felt something else, she felt lust. The hormones she was taking were making her feel like any other teen aged girl going through puberty, she wanted Rex and not just to kiss, she wanted something else, she was hot. Rex was also feeling the effects of puberty and he was getting an erection while he held Lynn tight. All he could think was that he hoped she couldn’t feel what she was doing to him. Oh but Lynn did feel what was happening and she loved that she was having this effect on Rex so much so that she rubbed her pelvis against his embarrassment. Why did I just do that she wondered, not knowing that her high amounts on hormone were taking control of her sub-conscience sexual desires, she was becoming a woman.
The music ended and the couple walked back to the table, Rex had to try to make his tented pants go down. If one were to see Rex walking with Lynn there would be no doubt as to what he was trying to hide. Most men don’t walk with they’re girl friends hand on their arm and they’re other hand held in front of their crotch, it’s a dead giveaway. Rex seated Lynn and asked her if she wanted a soda to drink and went to get one for her.
Rex no sooner left than a boy sauntered up to the table.
“Hey, what’s up?” he asked.
“Nothing,” Lynn replied.
“What’s a fox like you doing all by yourself?”
“I’m not by myself, I’m with my boyfriend.”
“Do you mean that little sophomore?”
“He’s not so little.”
“But he is a sophomore and a girl as pretty as you shouldn’t be wasting your time with someone like that, you should be with a senior like me.”
“I don’t think so.”
“And why not?”
“Because you’re rude and obnoxious, you know I’m with someone else and you try to hit on me, you’re an ass,” stated Lynn.
“Well fuck you bitch, you had your chance.”
“Nice come back,” replied Lynn.
The boy turned around to confront Lynn just as Rex was returning to the table.
“Lynn is there something wrong?” asked Rex.
The boy looked at Rex and decided that trying to start a fight with a boy larger than himself would be foolish so he turned back around and walked away.
“Everything is fine now that you’re back,” Lynn said as she took Rex’s hand in hers.
Rex and Lynn drank their sodas and returned to dancing. The fast ones were fun but the slow ones became more and more intimate as the evening wore on. The last dance finally arrived and Lynn pulled Rex tight to her body, feeling every ripple of his muscles that she could through his suit, Lynn wanted Rex in the worst way. She couldn’t control her feelings any longer and pulled Rex’s lips to hers and locked into a kiss that was rocking her world. She saw sparks and she felt a glow in her groin and instinctively she knew where she wanted Rex’s erection to be, deep inside of her, she was becoming a woman. Lynn parted her lips as though by instinct and Rex’s tongue entered her mouth. She felt the soft sensual touch of his tongue as it made love to her mouth, Lynn was on fire. The music ended and Lynn and Rex broke their passionate embrace, both looking at the other, their eyes saying all that needed to be said, I love you.
Rex’s father was waiting for the couple when the dance ended and drove Lynn home so as to make her curfew. When they arrived Rex walked Lynn to the door and kissed her goodnight. Even as innocent as this kiss was it moved something inside Lynn and made her wonder what was happening to her.
Susan was waiting for her daughter and of course had to know everything because that’s what moms do.
“Hi honey, did you have fun?”
“Oh Mom, it was so wonderful and Rex is so nice, we had so much fun.”
“Was Mindy there?”
“Yes and she looked so hot, her dress was gorgeous, it was strapless, I wish I could wear something like that.”
“Don’t worry you will, it won’t be long, although I doubt that you will be as large as Mindy, she’s very busty.”
“Why not?”
“Because Mindy is larger than normal and our family runs about average when it comes to bust size but that shouldn’t stop you from wearing dresses like that when you get a little older.”
“I can’t wait.”
Lynn went to her room and removed her dress and makeup and went to bed. She dreamed about her Rex again only this night she wasn’t his princess, she was his wife and on her honeymoon. Rex was kissing her deeply and she was becoming aroused. She wasn’t sure of what he was doing to her but what ever it was it was making her crazy with lust. She looked into his eyes and said, “take me,” as she felt his erection rubbing against her stomach. Rex lifted her hips and at that moment Lynn swooned and woke from her sleep. My God, my God she thought, what was he going to do to me as she felt an emptiness inside of her body.
The next morning Susan woke Lynn to tell her that Mindy was on the phone.
Lynn picked up the phone and said, “Hello.”
“Lynn, tell me all about last night, I saw you and Rex kissing, God I didn’t think you would ever stop.”
“Oh my God Mindy, it was so wonderful, I was so hot.”
“I could tell, you were moving all over him, did he have a woody?”
“A woody?”
“You know was he hard?”
“God yes, I thought he would burst his pants,” giggled Lynn.
“How did it feel?”
“I wanted it so bad, if I could have I would have ripped his clothes off.”
“Wow girl, it sounds like you’ve got it bad.”
“God Mindy, I don’t know what’s happening to me, I feel so weird.”
“You’re going through puberty. When I started I was like you too, all I would do is watch boys and their butts and my dreams were well you know wild. Every night some boy was seducing me in my dreams, my mom and dad told me I was boy crazy and I guess that’s what you’re going through now, do you like it?”
“Yes, but I feel so empty at times.”
“Don’t worry, you get over it and eventually you’ll learn how to satisfy yourself.”
“How do you do that?”
“I’m not going to tell you now, maybe later on, I have to go, call me later.”
“Okay.”
Lynn hung up the phone and went to ask her mother if she could visit Mrs. Mac Lain.
“Mom, would it be okay if I visited Mrs. Mac Lain? I want to show her the pictures from last night.”
“Sure honey, I made extra copies when I down loaded them this morning, you can give her copies of each.”
“Thanks Mom.”
Lynn went and showered, being careful not to wet her hair. She decided to wear a skirt and blouse because Mrs. Mac Lain liked girls to dress like girls and not wear pants all the time. Lynn didn’t mind because she liked wearing skirts and dresses, they made her feel feminine.
Lynn entered Mrs. Mac Lain’s room and kissed her on the cheek. She had been “resting her eyes” as she called it when she napped.
“Lynn, what a surprise, it’s so nice to see you.”
“Hi, Mrs. Mac Lain.”
“What brings you here today, dear?”
“I wanted to show you the pictures from the dance I went to last night.”
“Let me see sweetheart, oh you look lovely, so pretty, my, my, you’re such a young lady, and your date, my he’s handsome.”
“Thank you.”
“I remember when I was young like that, when you’re my age you forget many things but when you first date a boy, it’s something you remember forever, almost like it was yesterday. My first formal date was with a young man named Bruce Tollaver. He was such a handsome boy. He made my heart flutter every time I saw him. I remember my mother helping me get ready for the dance. My dress was very full and I had to wear many layers of petticoats with it. When I walked you could hear the swish, swish sound from them and when Bruce saw me he blushed, the whole night was magical. When the last dance came Bruce kissed me, it was my first kiss, I remember it to this day, his lips found mine and I quivered when we touched, I think it was one of the most special times in my life.”
“How did you feel when he kissed you?”
“It did something to me, like someone had lit a fire inside of me, why do you ask?”
“Because Rex kissed me last night and I melted. It gave me a need that I couldn’t fill. I can’t describe it, I felt as though I wanted him to do something to me but I didn’t know what it was.”
“Oh my dear, come sit next to me,” Mrs. Mac Lain said as she patted the bed. “What you were feeling was what all women feel when they want to give birth to a child and the man they are with makes them feel that way. You wanted to make love to him, you wanted him inside of you to make that baby, honey it’s part of being a woman. Right now though you are too young to have a man bed you and although it’s hard sometimes you have to stay in control of your body and not let just any man take you to bed, wait until you’re married. I know more girls that didn’t wait and then they found themselves pregnant and wished they had never done what they had. Take it from an old woman; wait until that special person comes along. I waited until I was married and I’m glad I did, Mr. Mac Lain was my first and he was my last, I only wish that we had tried to make a girl before he died, but at least I have you to dote on, I hope you can humor an old woman.”
“Oh Mrs. Mac Lain I love coming to see you, you’ve become very special to me, I’m glad you want me to visit.”
“I love having you here too dear.”
Lynn spent several more hours visiting, helping Mrs. Mac Lain to walk into the garden and then back to her room. Lynn was beginning to love her as though she was her grand mother.
“My Mom’s here so I have to go, you can keep the pictures, I brought them for you.”
“Thank you sweetheart, give me a hug now and be off with you.”
“Lynn hugged Mrs. Mac Lain and kissed her on the cheek. Lynn loved the stories she told her about when she was young and even though it was a different time all the basics were the same, the feelings, what was right and wrong, Lynn was learning important lessons.
Two weeks past and Lynn excitedly returned to the home to visit Mrs. Mac Lain again.
Lynn walked into her room and found the bed made but the woman wasn’t there. Lynn walked to the nurse’s station to ask where she was.
“Excuse me, could you tell me where I could find Mrs. Mac Lain?”
“Mrs. Mac Lain, are you a relative of hers?”
“I’m a friend, I visit her every other week.”
“I’m sorry dear, but Mrs. Mac Lain passed away last week, the funeral was Thursday, who did you say you were?”
“I, I, I’m Lynn Collins, she was my friend, she was like a grandmother to me, we were,” Lynn said as her voice faded off and the room went black as she fainted.
Lynn saw the light growing brighter as she regained consciousness.
“Are you alright miss, you fainted,” said the nurse as she laid a wet cloth on Lynn’s forehead.
Lynn was in a bed having been placed there by an orderly. Why had she fainted, then she remembered, Mrs. Mac Lain had died, tears came to her eyes as she sobbed. The nurse had been aware enough to look in Lynn’s purse and found Susan’s phone number and was able to have her come back to pick her up.
Lynn was able to walk to the car without incident. When she sat the tears returned. I t was all Susan could do to calm her child.
“It’s alright honey, let it out, it will make you feel better.”
Susan comforted Lynn until she gained some control of her emotions. The nurse told Susan why Lynn was so distraught, so she was at least able to try to talk some sense to Lynn.
“Honey, I’m so sorry for your loss, but Mrs. Mac Lain was very old and she had lived a full life and I know you’re going to miss her but she wouldn’t want you to cry like this.”
“But I didn’t even get to say goodbye to her.”
“I’m sure she knows you would have wanted too and I’m sure she sees your sorrow now and it’s alright to grieve, everyone does when they lose someone they love. Just remember the good things about her and remember what she told you about life and that way she will never die in your head, she will always be with you.”
“Thanks Mom,” Lynn sniffled as the tears fell from her eyes. It would take a while for Lynn to come to grips with her loss but she eventually found solace in her school work, she would become the student Mrs. Mac Lain would be proud of.
Lynn returned to school and several weeks past. She was called to the councilors office. What did I do now she wondered?
Lynn walked into the office and was greeted with smiles.
“Lynn, I have some really exciting news for you,” said Miss Benson.
“You do?”
“Yes, do you remember when you visited the convalescent hospital after the homecoming dance and you met a woman named Mrs. Mac Lain?”
“Yes, I visited her every two weeks after that.”
“You did, why did you do that?”
“Because she was my friend and I found her to be very interesting and she taught me may things about being a woman.”
“I wasn’t aware of that, what a wonderful thing for you to have done, so maybe that explains what I’m going to tell you. As you know Mrs. Mac Lain was a very wealthy woman and because you befriended her she set up a scholarship trust that will be used by any girl that was a queen or princess for homecoming and she named it The Lynn Collins Scholarship Fund. The fund will pay for any girl who has completed high school and is admitted to a four-year university and was a queen or princess. Depending on how well the girls do with their studies and if they don’t have grades good enough to qualify then the funds are carried over to the next year or if two or three girls qualify then they all get the scholarship. School must have been very important to her.”
“It was, she was a very special person in my life.”
“She must have been and you in hers for her to bequeath this money to our school.”
“I loved her very much.”
“Everything she talked to you about must have made an impression, you have one of the highest grade point averages as a first year student.”
“She did, I have to return to class, thank you Miss Benson.”
“Lynn, I’m the one who should be thanking you for this and everything you have done for me, you’re a very special girl.”
“Thank you Miss Benson.”
Lynn was so proud of what Miss Benson had told her that she knew she would qualify for the scholarship, she couldn’t let Mrs. Mac Lain down.
The school year past and finally it was summer vacation time. It was time for fun and Lynn and Mindy had fun, shopping, flirting, swimming, flirting, flirting, hey she’s a girl now and that’s what girls do.
August came and Lynn had a question to ask her mother.
“Mom, Vanessa is having a slumber party for her birthday and hers is two days before mine and she asked if I could go. Mindy is also invited, can I go, please?”
“As long as her parents are going to be there you may go.”
“Oh thank you, thank you, I love you Mom,” Lynn said as she raced to the phone to call Vanessa with the news.
The bailiff walked across the hallway to the bench where Susan Collins was sitting.
“Mrs. Collins, the judge just said that if the jury can’t come to a verdict by five o’clock he is going to send them home for the evening,” he said.
“Thank you bailiff, does it look like they might be done today?”
“It’s hard to say, usually with a case like this the jury should have had a verdict by now, its pretty obvious what happened, but the way the DA spun the case the jurors might be confused, I just hope they make the right decision.”
“So do I, thank you.”
Susan returned to her thoughts of Lynn’s first slumber party.
It was the day of the party and Lynn was beside herself.
“Mom, what am I going to wear, what do they do at these parties, maybe I shouldn’t go.”
“Don’t be silly every girl goes to at least one slumber party in they’re lives, relax, the only thing you’ll be doing is putting on makeup and talking about boys. Wear your long flannel nighty and you’ll be fine.”
“Should I wear my forms, my breasts have been growing and they are kind of sensitive when I put on the glue.”
“Let me take a look at your breasts to see how much you’ve grown.”
Lynn raised her blouse and Susan removed her bra and forms. Lynn hadn’t glued them on because the bra held them firmly and she didn’t like the discomfort when she had to remove them. Susan looked at her daughter’s breasts and was pleased with they’re growth, Lynn was developing like a girl her age should. It takes a little while for growth to start but when it does it seems to happen over night or maybe it just seems that way, one day flat the next stacked.
“Lynn you’re growing very nicely, I think you’re almost an A cup. If you’d like I can take you to the store and buy you a padded bra that will make you look almost as big as you are now but will be able to take it off when you go to bed. Don’t worry, I’m sure some of the other girls will have the same kind of bras and their development won’t be much more than yours, after all you’re fourteen and fifteen year old girls.”
“What about Mindy?”
“Mindy’s an exception, large breasts run in her family, look at her mother, the poor woman must feel like she’s carrying melons around all day long,” laughed Susan.
“Mom, you’re so silly,” answered Lynn.
Susan loved this kind of interaction with her daughter, one that wouldn’t have happened if Lynn had decided to remain a boy after the homecoming incident, maybe good things do come by accident she thought.
“Lynn grab your purse so we can run to the mall, we have to hurry because I’m supposed to drop you of at Vanessa’s in an hour.”
“Okay Mom.”
Susan brought her daughter to the lingerie section at Macy’s to buy her some new bras. She bought two, one padded and one not. Both where white, the padded one had a little lace and when Lynn put it one it pushed her breasts together and created a small amount of cleavage, wow. I look hot she thought. The other was a plain white cotton bra, nothing fancy but practical, one a woman would wear everyday.
“Mom, do I have to get this one, can’t we buy this lacy bra instead?” Lynn asked as she held up a bare wisp of sexy black lace.
“Lynn, I’m not going to buy something like that until you’re older and besides you would grow out of it in another few months and did you see the price of that? That kind of bra is for when you want to seduce a man and I won’t allow you to do that, don’t worry after your development stops I’ll allow you to have pretty things like that.”
“Yes Mom.”
“Susan and Lynn returned home and Lynn put on her new bra and packed to go to the party. She liked the new sensations she was getting from the bra, her forms had pretty much insulated her breasts from any sensation but now she felt ever so slightly any movement of fabric against her nipples. Wow, she thought, this is so cool. She would soon discover that her non-padded bra would feel even more intense but that would wait for another day.
Susan drove Lynn to the party and Vanessa answered the door.
“You made it,” She said as they hugged and gave the typical air kiss, “Hurry you’re the last one here, the other girls are in the family room, bye Mrs. Collins,” said Vanessa as she waved goodbye to Susan.
“Bye Mom,” said Lynn as she waved goodbye.
The girls closed the door and went to join the other girls.
“Lynn, you’re here,” screamed Mindy.
The whole group ran over and gave Lynn a group hug and took her bag and placed it with the others in the corner of the room. Vanessa had been allowed to have ten girls over for her party but with all of them talking it seemed like twenty.
“I’m hungry,” stated Jennifer. Jennifer was one of those girls that was forever eating but looked like she was a waif starving in the streets - she never gained weight.
“God Jen, don’t you ever stop eating, if I ate like you I’d look like a blimp,” said Brenda. Brenda was a tall girl but had to watch her weight, she would gain five pounds just walking by a restaurant.
“You’re just jealous,” answered Jennifer.
“Come on, my Mom made some sandwiches in the kitchen and there are sodas in the fridge, let’s eat,” said Vanessa.
The girls invaded the kitchen and when they had finished eating returned to the family room and turned on the stereo to listen to some music and learn how to dance the latest dances. The girls finally tired of dancing and decided it was time to make each other over. Vanessa decided she wanted cornrows in her hair and asked her best friend Shauntay to do them for her. Shauntay was one of the few black girls in the school. She was extremely pretty, looking much like Vanessa Williams and very popular with the boys.
“Vanessa, that takes a lot of time, are you sure you want me to do it?”
“Please, it’s my birthday.”
“Alright sit here so I can get started.”
“Lynn I want to do your makeup,” stated Ashley, “I saw a way to make your eyes look bigger.”
“My eyes look big enough already,” giggled Lynn.
Ashley was a sweet girl that everyone loved, she was short, maybe and inch or two shy of five feet but had a bubbly personality and seemed to be going a hundred miles an hour all the time, “Come on Lynn, sit,” she ordered.
Lynn sat next to Ashley and allowed her to remove her makeup so she would have a fresh pallet to work from. Mean while Mindy and the rest of the girls decided to do their nails. The room looked and smelled like a salon on a busy day.
Ashley finished Lynn’s makeup and awaited approval of her work.
“Well?” she asked.
“Oh my God, Lynn, you look so hot, do me next please?” asked Brandi.
Brandi was the wild card in this mix. She was very pretty but when it came to brains well like the old saying goes, when they said brains, she thought they said trains and missed hers, but she would never do anything to hurt her friends and would stand by them to the end.
Lynn did look hot, for a hooker, but then again these girls were trying to discover what being a woman was all about and the only way was to experiment. Brandi took Lynn’s chair and then Lynn went to do Sarah’s toenails.
Sarah was the quiet one of the bunch. She was very studious, was on the girl’s track team and seemed to excel in what ever she did. Sarah was a person you could trust with your life and would always be there for you.
Lynn placed cotton balls between Sarah’s toes and asked her what color she wanted.
“Blue,” she said.
“Blue, are you sure, you’d look so hot with red.”
“I’m sure, blue, I want to look retro, that’s me.”
“Okay,” Lynn said as she started to paint.
Slowly over the next few hours the girls were made up, painted and they’re hair was styled although Vanessa was the only one to have cornrows as they were just too much work to do. Now the girls went into the next phase of the evening, the "tell the truth" phase.
“Has anyone ever done it, you know gone all the way?” asked Vanessa.
“Eww, no,” answered Sarah.
No, no, I haven’t, not me and so on until they came to Brandi.
“I did it, when I was with Tim,” she answered.
“You did?” asked Jennifer.
“Yes.”
“What was it like?” asked one of the girls before one of the others could ask.
“It was, I don’t know, it was kind of like well, you know, like, God this is so hard to explain. You know when you kiss a boy and you feel empty and don’t know what to feel, well when Tim did it to me I felt, God I hate this, I felt so complete.”
“Did it hurt?”
“At first, but then God it felt so good.”
“Did you only do it once?”
“No, after the first time I did it all the time with Tim.”
“Are you still with Tim?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because he broke up with me.”
“Why?”
“He found a new girl friend.”
“Have you done it with anyone else?”
“No.”
“I would never do anything like that,” said Shauntay.
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t want to get pregnant.”
“Brandi, aren’t you worried about getting pregnant?”
“Are you kidding, I’ve been on the pill since eighth grade, what about the rest of you, don’t you at least want to experiment?”
“Not me,” said Jennifer.
“Nor do I,” answered the rest of the girls.
“Why not?”
“Because, I’m not ready for that yet,” said Mindy.
“What about you Lynn, I saw you and Rex at the dance and I could tell you were ready to do it?”
“Have you forgotten that I was born a boy?”
“Oh God, I’m sorry, I’ve forgotten over time that your not like one of us, I’m so sorry.”
“You were born a what?” asked Sally.
Sally was the brainiac in the group. She never stopped studying. She was a nice looking girl but wasn’t one to try to accentuate her looks. She had a steady boyfriend and really never got into school social structure.
“I was born a boy, but now I’m a girl.”
“How can you do that?”
“I was a girl on the inside and now I’m becoming a girl on the out side.”
“I’m sorry but color me stupid but how can you become a girl?”
“I’m taking hormones.”
“I’m sorry but that’s creepy.”
“Why?”
“Because, if you’re a boy, you’re a boy, and if you’re a girl, you’re a girl, you can’t change that.”
“When you first met me did you see a boy or girl?”
“A girl.”
“So?”
“I don’t know, it just doesn’t seem right.”
“Why not?” asked Shauntay.
“Because, I don’t know, God this is so confusing.”
“Let me ask you this, when you look at me what do you see?” asked Shauntay.
“My girl friend.”
“What else?”
“What do you mean, what else?”
“What else?” asked Shauntay with exasperation in her voice.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“What color am I?”
“Black.”
“And?”
“Shauntay, you’re making me crazy, what are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about Lynn, when you look at her what do you see?”
“A pretty girl.”
“Now do you understand what I’m saying? When you look at me you see your friend, not your black friend and when you look at Lynn you see a girl, not a boy that looks like a girl, but a girl, now do you get it?
“Yes, I’m sorry, some times I’m so dense,” said Sally as the room erupted with laughter.
The girls were thirsty and all wanted to have a drink so it was soda time once again. When they finished they returned to the family room and spread out their sleeping bags or blankets which ever they brought to sleep in. The girls removed their clothing down to their panties and everyone had to stare at Lynn. Did she have boobs, were they fake, finally Sarah said, “Don’t stare, it’s not nice.”
Lynn was unaware that she was the center of attention until Jennifer asked, “Lynn are your breasts real?”
“Of course they are, I’m a girl.”
“I’m jealous, they’re bigger than mine,” said Ashley.
“Ask your Mom for implants,” said Mindy as the girls all giggled.
“Maybe I will, I hate being flat.” responded Ashley.
“Be careful what you wish for or you might look like Mindy,” said Vanessa.
“Fuck you,” laughed Mindy.
Mean while all the girls had to feel Lynn’s breasts and they found that they felt just like theirs, Lynn was indeed one of them.
It was after midnight and the girls were settling down. Vanessa put the question out to the group, no one in particular but asked, “What do you want to do after high school?”
“I don’t know yet,” said Ginger, “Maybe a nurse.”
Ginger was the quiet one of the bunch. She was shy and unlike the rest of the girls, she had a full figure and because of this she kept to herself other than hanging with Sally. She and Sally were best friends and both were honor students. When she spoke first all the girls looked her way, as this had been the first peep out of her mouth all night.
“A nurse, how come?” Vanessa asked.
“Because you have to study hard and be strong enough to be able to lift patients.”
“That makes sense, I just want to get married,” said Brandi.
“I want to be an attorney,” said Sally, “ And go to Hasting School of Law.”
“My Mom’s an attorney,” said Shauntay.
“I thought your mom was a stay at home mother,” said Vanessa.
“She is, my mom and dad made the decision for her to stay at home until I go to college.”
“Wow, that’s so cool, I wish my mom could have stayed at home,” said Brandi.
“I’m not sure what I’m going to do just yet, I have some other things to take care of first, if you know what I mean,” laughed Lynn.
“What are you going to do?” asked Mindy.
“When I’m eighteen I’m going to have surgery to make me complete and then I’ll go to college,” answered Lynn.
“Aren’t you afraid?” asked Sarah.
“No not really, I’m more afraid of not being accepted as a girl than having the surgery, at least after that no one will know that I was ever a boy.”
“What about you Shauntay, are you going to be an attorney like your mother?” asked Jennifer.
“No way, every time I read something in the paper about lawyers it’s negative and I’d hate to have people talk about me behind my back. Can you imagine what that would be like, eww she’s a lawyer, no thanks. I want to go to Stanford and get my MBA from their business school and become the first woman CEO for AT&T.”
“Why Stanford?” asked Jennifer.
“Because my father went to medical school there and Condoleezza Rice taught there.”
“Who’s Condoleezza Rice?” asked Brandi.
“Are you kidding me Brandi, don’t you ever watch the news or read the newspaper?”
“I never read the paper and if the news is on MTV I might see it, so who is she, I think I did hear her name once, isn’t she in that rap group from Detroit?”
Shauntay just rolled her eyes, “God Brandi sometimes I think you just crawled from a cave, She just happens to be the smartest woman I know of. She’s the Secretary of State and travels all around the world for our country. She’s done everything on her own and got where she is by being smart.”
“She’s black too, isn’t she?”
“Yes, but I think most people see her as a very smart woman and not as being black. That’s the way I want to be, I want people to think of me as a smart girl and not as a smart black girl. It was like when Sally said that I was her girl friend and didn’t think of me as being black, she just thought of me as being me because I’m just like all of you only a little darker. The only people that have a problem with me are my cousins that live in Oakland. They call me an Oreo, you know brown on the outside and white in the middle. They tell me that I’m turning by back on the black experience and that I should be more like them. I explain to them that I am proud of my black heritage but I want to make something of myself and the only way is with an education. I ask them, what would you have me do, be like Rochelle and have a baby at fifteen or Tyrese and be in jail for selling drugs, I know if I work hard there are better things for me so don’t tell me about the black experience and don’t use it as an excuse not to try.”
“Whoa, what did they say when you said that?” asked Lynn.
“They pretty much called me a bitch, well actually they called me an uppity white bitch and that I thought I was better than them.”
“Wow that’s weird, you would think they would want to do well.”
“I think they do but there is a lot of pier pressure from their friends and there is a gang mentality in that neighborhood that instead of trying to lift themselves up they are brought down by thugs that run everything where they live. Once a person gets away from that kind of life they do better. I’m really lucky to have my parents, my dad’s a doctor and my mom stays at home for my brothers and me. Both of them are in college and when I graduate, I’m going to be also.”
“Wow Shauntay, I never knew you had relatives like that,” said Lynn.
“Everyone does, most people just don’t talk about it.”
“I have an uncle that’s in prison,” stated Brandi.
“Brandi,” all the girls shouted in unison and then they all threw their pillows at her. The pillow fight lasted until the girls fell in exhaustion. That’s when they played the last game of the evening, "who would fall asleep last", Ashley won.
Susan picked Lynn up the next morning and when Lynn got home she wet directly to bed. It seems that the girls had stayed up until four AM.
After that night Lynn was part of the gang and did everything they did from shopping to going to the movies, Lynn was now truly a girl.
School started once again and the girls were no longer lowly freshmen. As far as everyone in school was concerned Lynn was a girl and most of their memories of Lynn the boy had disappeared. One day two weeks after seeing a movie with the girls Lynn felt pain in his scrotum. It persisted for several days so Lynn mentioned it to her mother.
“Mom, I hurt down there,” she said pointing at her crotch.
“I’ll make an appointment for you to see the doctor.”
The next day Lynn was being examined by her doctor. She had her feet in the stirrups and her legs were spread wide. Her doctor touched and felt her in ways she had never been felt before.
“Does this hurt Lynn?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“What about this?” she asked as she squeezed Lynn’s testicles.
“Ouch, that hurts,” Lynn said loudly.
“I’m sorry dear but this must be done.”
The doctor continued the examination poking and prodding and was almost finished. The doctor had Lynn remove her feet from the stirrups and lay on her side.
“Lynn I have to examine one more thing. It’s going to be uncomfortable but it must be done. I have to check your prostate gland and the only way is from your behind. I have to stick my finger inside of you to make sure it is okay so please lay still, ready?”
“Yes.”
The doctor lubed her glove finger and inserted it into Lynn’s rectum. Lynn sucked air into her lungs when she did. There was discomfort but not as bad as Lynn thought there would be, luckily Dr. Burns had small fingers.
“There, I’m all done, you can get dressed if you’d like,” said the doctor.
Lynn and Susan joined Dr. Burns for a determination as to what Lynn’s problem could be.
“After examining Lynn I found some growths on her testicles. These aren’t normal and I’m not sure if they are from the hormones or something else, perhaps they are changing because of the drugs you are taking and maybe not, there is no way to be sure at this point. If we were to stop your therapy maybe the growths would disappear but if they are what I think they are stopping the hormones won’t do any good. In young men one of the most common cancers is testicular cancer and although Lynn would seem to be too young for this kind of cancer, it is possible. Because of what Lynn is doing at this point in her life and what she has done with hormones I would recommend removing her testicles. This is a relatively simple operation and I wish the law would allow us to complete her reassignment at the same time, but I’m afraid we can’t, that will have to wait until she is eighteen. After the operation we will be able to stop the testosterone blockers and lower her estrogen intake, it will actually be better for her in the long run. Let me know as soon as possible because we will have to run tests to make sure if it is cancer that it hasn’t spread to her lymph system.”
“Is there anything else we can do besides surgery?”
“You can stop the hormones and if she is cancerous go into chemo therapy. Even after having chemo she might have to have the operation anyway. If you would like I can schedule her for a needle biopsy to be sure it is cancer and then you will know for sure what you might want to do.”
“Lynn and I will go home and discuss it and decide what we feel would be best.”
“Please let me know as soon as possible, this is something that can’t wait too long.”
“Yes doctor, and thank you.”
Susan and Lynn returned home to have the most important discussion in Lynn’s young life.
“Mom, what should I do?” asked Lynn.
“I don’t honey, there is a lot to think about.”
“What if I have cancer, I don’t want to die,” Lynn said as her lip quivered.
“I don’t want you to die either. The things they want to remove are some of your boy bits. They are the things that turn you into a man. I just worry that you might change your mind one day and want to be a boy again and if you remove these things then you won’t be able to have children as a father.”
“I don’t want to be a boy ever again.”
“You will have to be sure because after they are gone there is no putting them back on.”
“I’m absolutely sure Mom, I love being a girl and besides remember what they told us when I started my hormones, that I probably wouldn’t be able to have children anyway after this amount of time. Mom, I don’t want to stop my hormones, look I’m really starting to grow, see,” Lynn said as she pointed at her chest. Lynn still hadn’t reached an A cup, but was close and she was proud of her development.
“You are looking very feminine sweetheart, but I just worry, remember I’ve known you since you were born and raised you as a boy and its hard to lose something you’ve known all your life.”
“I know Mom but I’m a girl now and why keep something from the past that might kill me?”
“You’re right Lynn, that’s the way moms are, we never throw anything away that our babies did. I’ll call Dr. Burns and schedule your surgery.”
Lynn had her surgery one week later on a Friday so she would have the weekend to heal. She returned to school the following Monday. When she arrived Mindy came running up to her with an announcement to make.
“Lynn, Lynn, guess what?”
“What, tell me.”
“It’s time to register for homecoming princess again, you’re going to run again aren’t you?”
“I hadn’t thought about it, it was fun and look what happed last year, maybe if I do it this year I’ll turn into a prince.”
“Yuk, I hope not, come on let’s do it again.”
“Okay, I guess I will, but you have to help me again.”
“I will, I promise.”
Lynn registered again for princess and awaited the outcome. This year the results were to be announced at a general assembly by the school principal.
“Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention. I wish to announce the results of the election of King, Queen, Prince and Princesses. Before I do though I would like you to give a big round of applause to a former princess, Lynn Collins who because of her devotion to her duty as a princess secured a scholarship fund for our school which will go to any disserving female member of the court forever. Please stand Lynn. Lynn stood and couldn’t help blushing nor could she help smiling, she was so proud at this moment. The auditorium burst into applause and continued until regained her seat.
“Now for the business at hand, I would like to introduce you to our incoming court, Prince and Princesses first. For the Freshman class your Prince is Quinton Bradley and his escort will be Princess Ashley Steele, for the sophomore class we have somewhat of an unusual situation, out prince again this year is Bill Jones and this lucky young man is going to escort two princesses, we have a tie and the two girls are Lynn Collins and Shauntay Miller.” The auditorium erupted once again with shouts of joy, as both girls were loved by most of the students. After the assembly quieted down the principal continued, “ Junior class Prince this year is Ralph Garcia with Brittany Atherton retuning as Princess and This years King and Queen are, drum roll please, Stephanie Smithson and Sean Murphy. That concludes today’s assembly, you may all return to class.”
Lynn found Shauntay and gave her the biggest hug. Lynn had voted for Shauntay and considered her one of her best friends.
The homecoming came off without a hitch as there was no longer a boy to try to disguise so as not to embarrass the school. Miss Benson sighed with relief as everything fell into place, life is good she thought.
The school year past, Lynn’s operation healed and she found her panties fit her better without the small bulge to interfere with her clothing. Her penis had never grown and was small even for a boy when she was younger. So she was pretty much all girl now.
Only two things of note took place this year, Lynn past her test for a learners permit to drive and she finally grew enough to fill the B cups of her bras. Because Lynn wasn’t allowed to date until she was sixteen she and Rex could only see each other at the mall but that didn’t keep them from their romantic interludes, if one were to call them that. Heavy petting at the mall was pretty much impossible but they did find time for themselves and plenty of kissing ensued but it never went much farther than that.
Her junior year started pretty much like her previous years, only now she was one of the top students in her class. Sally was still clinging to valedictorian but she still had two years to go before that would be accomplished. Lynn was in honor classes so she had an occasional senior in her classes. One such student was Brendan McCullough. Brendan was a very handsome boy and came from one of the richest families in town. Unfortunately his home life was broken. His mother had left his father when he was eight years old. The split was very bad for both he and his father.
It seems that Mrs. McCullough; Liz was a kept woman. Her husband was never home as work consumed most of his time and she didn’t want to be bothered with young Brendan. She spent most of her time at the gym doing aerobics and flirting with the hunks like the single girls did. She however was gorgeous having won many beauty contests in her younger days. Not to be deterred, she began hanging out with the wrong sort of people. Even though she was in her mid thirties her friends were in they’re early twenties. This led to sex and drugs, she was hot and the guys loved her. There wasn’t anything she wouldn’t do for them, she was a sex machine and she loved it. Multiple partners, no sweat, she would take a man’s penis anywhere it would fit, and she was very good when she did it. Her downfall was drugs, crystal meth to be exact; it wasn’t long before she was hooked. Brendan’s father didn’t miss the money, hell she had an allowance that would make most people pale when they heard the amount she spent each week. There is however a down side to meth, it fucks up your looks. Brendan’s father looked at his wife one day and noticed that her appearance had changed, she looked haggard.
“Liz, what in the hell are you doing to yourself?” he asked.
Liz’s brain was also rotting.
“None of you fucking business,” she retorted before she could think of an answer that would make sense.
“What did you say?” he asked.
“You heard me and if you don’t like it, I’m out of here.” she screamed. Liz was looking for an excuse to leave, she wanted her drugs and she felt she could live with the man that was supplying her.
Shamus McCullough’s manhood was being challenged by his wife, there were many things he could overlook but not that, Shamus was a powerful man and there was no way he would put up with this.
“Alright then go, I hope you have a way to make money because I’m not going to give you a cent.”
“You will after my lawyer is done with you.”
“Fine we’ll see.”
Liz went and packed her bags and just had to open her mouth one more time but this time to both Shamus and Brendan.
“I’m leaving now, but before I do I want you to know that you’ve never satisfied me when we fucked and I’m leaving that boy with you so when he grows up he’ll know he will never be a man either, both of you are pathetic,” Liz screamed as she slammed the door shut.
What she had done was make Shamus angry, but more to the point she had destroyed her son. Brendan became withdrawn for years until he went to counseling and then was able to communicate with people. As he grew he became very handsome but had a dark side to him. He had grown to hate all women; he would date them, bed them and then discard them, as he was pretty much a prick.
After the first day of California history, Lynn became smitten by the handsome young Irishman. Their instructor assigned them a project to finish in two weeks. Lynn was given the influence of the Comstock on California history. Brendan had seen Lynn around school and knew she had been a princess two years running. He too was impressed by Lynn’s beauty, as were most of the boy’s in school. Lynn still saw Rex but was unable to date him as she had just turned sixteen the month before. Lynn had been asked out many times by boys in her school and had to decline because of her age. Brendan was unaware of this so he asked her if she would like to come to his house and study.
“Lynn, may I ask you something?”
“Sure Brendan, what?”
“My father has a large collection of California history books and I’d like to know if you would like to come over and study?”
“Wow. I’d like that, my Mom wouldn’t let me before but now that I’m sixteen, she might, I’ll ask and let you know tomorrow.”
“Cool, I hope she says yes, see you.”
Lynn asked Susan if it would be okay to study with Brendan the next day at his house.
“What kind of boy is Brendan?” Susan asked.
“He seems nice, his dad has lots of money and they live over in the highlands.”
“My, my,” Susan said, “My little girl is impressed by money already?”
“No Mom, it’s just that he seems to be very nice that’s all.”
“I guess it would be alright, but I’ll drive you and pick you up. It would be a good time for you to practice driving.”
“Thanks mom,” Lynn said as she hugged her mother.
The next day Lynn informed Brendan that she could come over to study that night.
Susan allowed Lynn to drive the car to Brendan’s house as she still had her learners permit and needed as much practice as possible since her driver’s test was scheduled for the following week.
“Here’s the address,” said Susan, “My goodness, what a big house.”
Brendan and his father lived in one of those monstrosities that were built during the Dot-Com boom when people that had just made a lot of money wanted to show it off and what better way than with a house that was big but showed very little class. This pretty much exemplified Shamus McCullough, a big man in business but one with little substance in life.
“Make sure you study and don’t get into trouble,” giggled Susan as she teased Lynn as she walked to the door.
“Oh Mom, you know me better than that,” replied Lynn.
Susan would have never said anything like that if she knew what was about to happen to her daughter, in fact if she were clairvoyant Lynn wouldn’t even be here.
Lynn rang the doorbell and waited as she heard the sound of feet running down the hallway to answer the door.
“Hi, glad you could make it,” said Brendan as he opened the door to greet Lynn.
Susan watched as her little girl went into the house. Susan like the way Brendan looked, well dressed, none of those hang off the butt jeans, and a nice shirt. Lynn waved goodbye to her mother, as did Brendan. He seemed like a nice boy, perhaps Lynn was right, she needn’t worry, but for some reason she felt uneasy, maybe she was just over reacting leaving Lynn with a boy, I have to learn to let go thought Susan.
Brendan escorted Lynn to the library. The room was lined with books on all four walls. This room was just another faux room as most of the books had never been read but it made Shamus feel intelligent having these books in the room that doubled as his office. More than once clients had remarked on the volume of reading material and how it was amazing that he found time to read all these books. It was hard but he managed he would respond as he puffed his chest.
“Wow, look at all the books,” Lynn said as she scanned the room.
“Yeah, my dad has lots of them,” Brendan said as he looked at the pretty young girl.
“Where are the books about the Comstock?” asked Lynn.
“On the upper shelf, we’ll have to climb up to get them. I’ll hold the ladder since you know which ones you want,” said Brendan as he looked at Lynn’s legs.
Lynn had come home and had a little something to eat and was still wearing the same clothes she had worn to school. She had decided to wear a cute little skirt that stopped two inches above her knees and a tank top since the weather was still quite warm. Lynn was showing a modest amount of cleavage which girls her age did on a daily basis, nothing obscene. Brendan knew he would get an eyeful when Lynn climbed the ladder and hurried to get it from the storage area.
“Here you go,” he said.
“Thanks, don’t look,” giggled Lynn. Lynn really didn’t mind if he looked as she had what would be termed as nice legs and she did kind of like Brendan in a boyfriend girlfriend sort of way.
Lynn climbed the ladder and Brendan watched every move she made. Lynn was reaching for different books and not paying attention to what Brendan was doing. Brendan was looking up her skirt and was becoming aroused. God what a fine ass he was thinking, would I like some of that, he dreamt to himself. Lynn found three books and started down the ladder. Brendan shook it enough for Lynn to lose her balance and she fell into his arms. Brendan held her tight feeling her breasts against his chest, God they’re so firm he thought as his erection grew. Lynn felt what was happening to Brendan and felt flattered. It was kind of scary to have that kind effect on a boy, yet there was something erotic about it too.
“Oh my, you saved my life,” said Lynn with a smile.
“I’m sure I should receive a kiss as a reward,” stated Brendan as he pushed his lips against Lynn’s mouth.
Lynn wasn’t expecting this and jumped back.
“Brendan, please don’t do that.”
“Why not, you’re a hot little bitch, I want another,” Brendan said as he smashed his mouth against hers.
“Mmpfh, mmpfh,” Lynn huffed as she pushed Brendan back.
“I’m calling my mother to pick me up,” shouted Lynn.
“The hell you are, I’m not done with you yet,” shouted Brendan as he ripped Lynn’s top from her breast.
“Stop,” screamed Lynn.
“Shut up you bitch,” Brendan yelled as he slapped Lynn across the face causing spit to fly from her lips. Several second later Lynn could taste the blood that was streaming from the cut inside her mouth.
“Please don’t do this,” pleaded Lynn as Brendan pushed her over the back of the sofa. Brendan pushed her down so he could control her every move with his arm on the back of her neck. With his other hand he reached under her skirt and ripped her panties off. He then raised the back of her skirt dropped his pants and pushed his erection against her bottom. Because there was no lubrication he was unable to enter her so he spit into his hand and rubbed it on the end on his penis and then was with some difficulty able to push himself inside her.
“I hope you like this bitch,” he said as he pushed in and out of her. Lynn was screaming, both in fear and in pain. The assault seemed to last a lifetime to Lynn, tears were streaming down her face as he raped her. Brendan didn’t take long to finish, not much more than a minute and then he pulled out. Lynn collapsed on the floor in tears. She was finally able to compose herself enough to talk.
“You bastard, you fucking bastard, you’re going to pay for this,” Lynn shouted.
“Shut the fuck up and get out of here,” said Brendan, feeling happy that he had ruined this girl’s life.
“I’m calling the cops on you, you bastard,” said Lynn as the pain overwhelmed her.
“The fuck if you will,” shouted Brendan as he leaped over to Lynn and pulled her to her feet.
Brendan then hit the side of her face with his fist causing Lynn to fall back against Shamus’s desk. Lynn groaned with the pain searing through her face.
“You’re not going to tell anyone you whore,” screamed Brendan as he leapt on top of her. He wrapped his hands around Lynn’s neck and began to squeeze, tighter and tighter until the pressure closed her airway.
“I’m so sorry Mrs. Collins, I forgot you were out here, the judge dismissed the jury a half of an hour ago and sent them home for the evening. He instructed them to be back here at Nine AM tomorrow and hopefully they will have a verdict by then.”
“Thank you bailiff, I’ll see you tomorrow,” said Susan as she rose and wearily walked to her car for another sad ride home. With times like these Susan felt as though she just couldn’t go on and she pleaded, “Please God let there be an end to all of this, please make things right,” as she dissolved in to tears.
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Princess Lost [Homecoming Princess Part - 3]
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This is a continuation of the Homecoming Princess story. The trial continues and we find out what happened to Lynn.
Princess Lost
By
Arecee
Susan returned to court the next morning and couldn’t help thinking of what had happened to her daughter.
Lynn was pushed back on the desk facing Brendan while his hands grew tighter around her neck. The air had ceased to flow and yet he squeezed tighter and tighter. It had been several seconds since her airway closed and her mind was racing.
How can I escape she thought, I have to make him let go before I pass out. The pressure around her neck increased and as Lynn saw the rage in Brendan’s face she had the strangest thought, why was he squeezing my neck so hard, it was hurting now, when my breath stopped it didn’t hurt but now it does, wasn’t killing me enough, why does he have to hurt me too?
Lynn thrashed her arms straight out to her side trying to push up, she tried to kick with her legs but to no avail, and then she felt something hard with her hand, it was the handle of the letter opener that had been left on the desk by Brendan’s father.
Shamus McCullough was proud of the letter opener having purchased the object while in Germany twenty years prior. In reality it was an antique dagger with an eight-inch blade and a jewel encrusted handle once owned by a German fellow known for using the piece of steel as an assassination tool. Shamus had found the piece while walking in Hamburg and for some unexplained reason was drawn into an old shop that specialized in war memorabilia. The dagger was almost hidden from sight because of all the clutter in the shop. When he touched it he knew that he had to purchase the killing instrument, especially after the shopkeeper told him of the assassin and his evil deeds preformed with the knife. Unfortunately for Shamus the knife had one more person to kill, his son.
Lynn wrapped her fingers around the weapon and swung her arm around Brendan’s back plunging it deep into his body. Unfortunately for Brendan, Lynn missed his ribs and the dagger found its way to his heart, Brendan died instantly, his grip loosened around Lynn’s neck and she felt the breath of life return to her lungs. Lynn pushed the now dead Brendan from on top of her and he fell with a thud onto the floor.
Lynn looked at the unmoving body and thought, what have I done, oh God please don’t be dead.
Lynn reached for the phone and dialed 911 and screamed into it, “Oh God, I think I just killed someone, please send an ambulance.”
“Where are you located?” the voice asked.
“In the library,” Lynn answered as though the voice would know where the library was.
“I need an address,” the voice said firmly.
“I’m at 739 Elm St.,” said Lynn.
“I want you to stay on the line with me and try to remain calm, who do you think you killed?”
“Brendan McCullough, he just raped me, God I hurt so bad,” Lynn said as her voice fell away as she started to go into shock.
The operator knew what was happening to Lynn and tried to keep her alert.
“Stay with me miss, tell me what happened.”
“Brendan raped me and then tried to kill me,” Lynn said as her voice rose with anger, “if I didn’t stab him I would be dead right now.”
The fire station was located several blocks from the McCullough residence and the ambulance arrived within minutes. Lynn had opened the front door and the paramedics rushed to Brendan’s side. They felt for a pulse but it was too late, Brendan was dead. Looking at Lynn they realized that she too needed medical attention, her face was battered and bloody from the cuts in her mouth. The first medic looked at Lynn and saw her face go pale as she started to black out, the shock finally getting to her.
“Miss, lie down on this blanket,” he said. No use having her pass out right now he thought.
Lynn was laid upon the blanket and was soon covered by another. By this time the police had arrived and quickly contained the crime scene.
“I’m Sergeant Goodfellow miss, are you able to tell me what happened?”
“He attacked me and raped me and then he tried to kill me.”
“What’s your name miss?”
“Lynn Collins.”
“How old are you?”
“Sixteen.”
“Does your mother know where you are?”
“Yes, I came here to study with Brendan and he attacked me,” Lynn said as she broke down in tears.
“Medic, you had better take her to the hospital, we can question her later and see if you can get a hold of her mother. Tell the ER nurse that we will need a rape test done on her when she arrives,” said sergeant Goodfellow.
Lynn was loaded into the ambulance and taken to the nearest hospital. The admitting nurse asked Lynn for Susan’s phone number and called her.
“Mrs. Collins, this is Nurse Best at community hospital. We need you to come here right away as your daughter has been injured.”
“Lynn, is she alright?”
“She’ll be fine but she was raped and we need you to sign a release so we can treat her since she’s a minor.”
“I’ll be right there.”
Susan put on the first clothes she could find and was off to the hospital. Who could have done such a thing she wondered, she was with Brendan and his family was well connected, it couldn’t have been him that raped her little girl, could it have? Susan tried to obey the speed limit but couldn’t, she just had to get to the hospital and quickly at that. Susan parked her car in the emergency parking spot and ran into the hospital.
“My daughter was just brought here, may I see her?” Susan asked the admitting nurse.
“What’s her name?”
“Lynn, Lynn Collins, she was raped, where is she, I have to see her.”
“Oh Mrs. Collins, she’s right back there, come with me. I have some papers for you to sign but that can wait until you see your daughter.”
The nurse led Susan to Lynn’s bedside.
“Lynn, my baby, what happened?” asked Susan as tears filled her eyes. Susan could hardly believe what she saw when she looked at Lynn’s face. The bruises were starting to turn dark where the blood vessels had broken under her skin when Brendan had slammed Lynn’s face against the desk. Bruising was also taking place where he had squeezed Lynn’s neck when he choked her. Susan reached down and hugged her baby to her breast. Lynn felt relief as her mother held her, she felt safe.
“I’m sorry to bother you Mrs. Collins but you have to sign these papers so we can treat Lynn as soon as possible. We also have to examine her to see if there was any damage from the rape that might have occurred,” said nurse Best.
Susan reached for the papers and signed them. She wanted her daughter treated with the utmost haste.
“Would you please close the curtain nurse,” asked Dr. Sheila Belle.
“Lynn, I’m Dr. Belle and I’m sorry but I to have to take a swab from your rape, it’s the law. I’ll try to be as gentle as possible sweetheart.”
“Is it okay if my mother stays?”
“Of course she can.”
“Thank you Doctor”
“Dr. Belle, there is something you should know about Lynn before you examine her,” Susan said in hushed tones, “She was born a boy.”
“Really, I would have never know by looking at her, but I’m sure I would have found out after she removed her clothes. Lynn, this is going to be uncomfortable but we have to remove you clothes now. Your mom can help you with your skirt and panties but you will have to unbutton your blouse so it can be removed, okay honey?”
“Yes Doctor”
Lynn lifted her bottom so her mother could remove her panties and skirt. It was the first time anyone had looked at her bottom since the rape. There was blood on her panties and on the inside of her skirt. Susan gasped when she saw it.
“Lynn, I’m going to place your feet in these stirrups so I can examine you better,” said Dr. Belle.
The nurse helped Dr. Belle place Lynn’s feet in the stirrups. When they did Lynn felt a cold breeze on her bottom and then she felt dirty and alone.
“Lynn, I have to take a sample from you, this won’t hurt but you will feel it when the swab touches you.”
The doctor tore the paper from the swab and rubbed it around Lynn’s anus. When it touched Lynn she sucked air into her lungs not knowing whether it would hurt or not. The Doctor finished taking the sample and placed it in a sterile container. She then examined Lynn more closely.
“Lynn does this hurt?” she asked as she touched the cuts on Lynn’s sphincter.
“Ouch, yes,” Lynn said, as she felt as though she was being violated again.
“That bastard did some significant damage when he did this to you,” stated Dr. Belle.
Dr. Belle was acutely aware of what Lynn was going through as she had been raped in college and the bastard had gotten away with the crime. This made her even more caring as she examined Lynn and being careful not to do anything that might compromise the evidence. When Melissa Belle had been raped the nurse that took the swab carelessly had laid it on the table and it had touched a blood droplet contaminating the sample and so when they went to trial the DNA was thrown out and the rapist was released because the trial became a he said, she said affair. Melissa still remembers the smirk on the face of her attacker as he left the courtroom.
Dr. Belle tried to comfort Lynn as she continued the treatment, “You’ll be alright Lynn, I know how you feel, I was raped too. Did they get the guy?”
“I killed him.”
Silence filled the room, God the rape was bad enough but now Lynn would have to live with the thought that she had killed another human being, the poor girl thought Dr. Belle.
“Lynn, I’m going to have to stitch your sphincter so I have to numb it first, I’m sorry honey but it will hurt a little until the Novocain takes effect.”
All Dr. Belle could think about was this poor girl, violated and ripped apart like a piece of meat, God, she was so glad the son of a bitch was dead. Melissa had been working in the ER for three years and had seen rape cases come through every month or so but this one really hit her hard, Lynn was such a pretty girl and she was young, most of the rapes were to women older than Lynn and to see the look in her eyes broke Melissa’s heart, the innocence that was there was now gone and replaced with the look of terror, the same look the Jews had as they went to the showers.
Dr. Belle injected Lynn with the drug and stitched her injury. When she finished she wanted to hug this poor girl, she wished she could provide more comfort.
Lynn was moved to a room to rest, but that wasn’t to be because the police were there to question her, at least they were kind enough to have her questioned by a female detective.
“Lynn, I’m Sergeant Linda Carlisle and I have to ask you what happened tonight.”
“Brendan raped me and tried to kill me,” Lynn said as tears formed in her eyes.
“I know this is hard but why were you at his house.”
“He asked me to study with him.”
“And then what happened?”
“We went into his father’s library and he attacked me.”
“Why did you kill him?”
“I didn’t mean to, I found the letter opener and, and,” Lynn broke down in tears before she could finish.
“I think you’re finished here, Sergeant Carlisle, Lynn is too upset to talk right now, I think you should leave,” said Susan as she thought of how insensitive the police were to make her baby answer questions so soon after her rape.
“I’m sorry Mrs. Collins but it had to be done, I’ll have to talk to Lynn again, maybe she will be able to after she rests. I would like her to come to the police station after she’s released from the hospital.”
“Alright, maybe tomorrow she will be able to tell you what happened.”
Meanwhile Shamus McCullough had arrived at home and found police crawling all over his house.
“What the hell is going on here?” he asked the first officer he reached.
“And you are?” asked the officer.
“I’m Shamus McCullough, the owner of this house and why are you people here?”
“I’m afraid there has been a terrible accident,” replied the officer.
“What, what happened?”
“I think you had better wait for the officer in charge to speak to you, I’ll contact him.”
The officer went on the radio phone and spoke to his commanding officer, telling him that the boy’s father had just arrive home and didn’t know what had happened.
“Mr. McCullough, Ben Patterson will be right down to explain what is going on.”
Ben Patterson was a robust man, standing six foot three inches tall and weighing two hundred fifty pounds, weight gained when he was put into his office job of investigating crimes. He still ate like the patrol officer he once was and hence the weight gain. Bob was a straightforward sort of man, looking at evidence and coming to a logical conclusion as to what had happened at a crime scene. There was one thing he hated and that was telling someone that they had lost a loved one during the commission of a crime.
Shamus McCullough was a self made man. His father came from Ireland in the mid thirties and labored in construction to provide a home for his family. He remembered his father coming home covered with dust and complaining that the dust was making his nose bleed. Shamus’s father was working with asbestos and didn’t realize at the time that he was killing himself. Shamus remembered the day his father started coughing all the time until he was unable to remove himself from his bed and the times his mother would stay by his side until death finally came to free his father from his pain.
Shamus made a decision that he would never have to put up with that kind of misery. He went to college and received a business degree and found that if he invested his time and money in a project he could make a large return on his investment. Once in a while he would do things that were unsavory and would bend the law a bit but was never caught. He had a reputation of being a very tough business man, one you didn’t want to trifle with and he had power in the community so what he did went a long way and now he was about to learn his son had been killed.
“Mr. McCullough, I’m Ben Patterson, the officer in charge here, could you come with me?”
“What’s happened, where’s my boy?” Shamus asked.
“I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but your son is dead.”
“Whwhat, Brendan’s dead, no, no don’t tell me that, it can’t be, he’s all I have.” Shamus said as his eyes clouded with tears.
“I’m so sorry sir, there was nothing we could do.”
“But how, who would do such a thing.”
“Apparently he was with a girl and she killed him.”
“Why would she kill him, this makes no sense at all?”
“There was a claim that your son raped the girl and tried to kill her and she was defending herself.”
“My son would never do anything like that, she’s lying.”
“The girl was beaten pretty badly and there is evidence that something did happen.”
“Nonsense, my son would never be party to harming a girl, may I see my son now?”
“Yes sir, he’s in the library,” Ben said as he led Shamus to see his son.
Shamus entered the library and saw his son lying face down with the dagger sticking out of his back. Shamus rushed to him and reached down towards him.
“Stop, you can’t touch him until the crime scene investigators arrive, I’m sorry Mr. McCullough but you will have to wait back here.”
“Oh my God, I can’t believe it, my boy is dead and killed with that knife, I knew it was evil but just had to have it, even the merchant I bought it from said something about it having a curse but I thought that was just a bunch of hog wash, God I’ve been so stupid. I’m going to go to my room, please let me know when I can touch my son?” said Shamus with a quivering voice.
“Yes Mr. McCullough, I will,” answered Ben.
The CSI people came and investigated the scene, removed the dagger and rolled the boy’s body over and saw that his pants were unzipped and although his penis was inside his underwear there was evidence of some kind of sexual activity in that there was some blood and semen visible on his shorts. The technicians took samples and covered the body with a blanket. Shamus McCullough came down and visited his son one last time before the coroner came to take the body away for autopsy.
Shamus was heart broken and he vowed to get even with the person that did this to his son. Sadly Shamus was unaware of what a creep his son was as he was always away on business and his nannies really didn’t care what young Brendan did as long as they got paid, so they pretty much let him do what ever he wished as long as he didn’t burn the house down.
The following day Lynn was released from the hospital and Susan figured that they might as well take care of the police on the way home. Susan called to make sure Sergeant Carlisle was available for the interview.
Lynn and Susan were escorted into the interview room and were seated at a table.
“Good morning Lynn, I hope you’re feeling better this morning. I’m sorry I have to ask you these questions but I’m afraid it has to be done, would you like something to drink, some water or coffee?” asked Linda Carlisle.
“Maybe some water,” answered Lynn.
“I’d like some coffee please, with just a little sugar,” said Susan.
The attending officer left and returned with the beverages and handed them to the women.
“Thank you,” said Lynn.
“Thanks,” said Susan.
“Let’s get started, how did you end up at the McCullough home Lynn?”
“Brendan asked me to come over to study with him. I’m doing a report on the history of the Comstock and Brendan said his father had a lot of books about it in his library.”
“Why didn’t you go to the public library instead of Brendan’s home?”
“He said that they had more books about it than the library and besides Brendan was always nice to me at school so I trusted him.”
“What happened after you arrived at his home?”
“We went into the library and he closed the door.”
“Didn’t you wonder about that?”
“No. I just thought he wanted it quiet when we studied.”
“And then what happened?”
“Brendan had me climb a ladder to get the books and then when I was coming back down he shook the ladder and made me fall down into his arms. Then he made me kiss him as a reward for saving me and I told him to stop. He said not yet and he forced his lips on mine again. I told him to stop and to leave me alone. That’s when he slapped me and told me to shut up. I screamed at him to stop but he wouldn’t and he started swearing at me and calling me names and hitting me again. That’s when he started tearing my clothing off and then he grabbed me and threw me face down on the back of his father’s couch. I tried to stand back up but he slammed my face back down and then he raped me,” Lynn said as she broke down in tears. Several minutes passed until Lynn was able to control herself.
“There was nothing you could do to stop him?” asked Linda.
“No he was too strong, I tried but he just kept hitting me until he had his way with me.”
“Then what happened?”
“I was crying and when he finished he pulled out of me and kept swearing at me. I pushed up from the couch and turned to look at him and told him that he wasn’t going to get away with what he had done to me, that I was going to tell the police. He looked me in the eye and said “the fuck you will,” and then he lunged for me and grabbed my by the neck and started to choke me. I fell backwards onto his father’s desk and I couldn’t breathe, I found the letter opener and grabbed it. I swung it around into his back, I wanted him to stop choking me, I didn’t want to kill him, it was an accident, I just wanted him to stop,” Lynn said as she dissolved into tears.
“Isn’t this enough?” asked Susan as she comforted Lynn.
“I’m sorry but I have to ask her one more question, Lynn after you stabbed Brendan, what did you do?”
“I pushed him off of me and called 911.”
“Did you try to help him?”
“God no, I didn’t want to touch him, he just raped me, I just wanted to get away from him.”
“Okay Lynn that should be enough for my investigation, you’re free to go, if I have any other questions I’ll give you a call, and I really am sorry for what happened to you, but it is my job and I have to ask you these questions, I wish I didn’t have to but it is necessary for the report. I’m going to give you a phone number for a rape support group and maybe it will help you come to terms with what happened to you, you’re a sweet girl Lynn and I hate seeing something like this happen to someone as nice as you.”
“Thank you Officer Carlisle,” Lynn said as she and Susan rose to leave.
Lynn and Susan returned home and Lynn went to bed to rest. She fell asleep and was soon in the world of nightmares. She awoke screaming and was quivering with fear when Susan rushed to her room.
“What’s wrong honey?”
“I had the worst dream Mom.”
“It will be alright, I’ll stay with you.”
“Thanks mom.”
Lynn fell back asleep but even with her mother holding her, the results were the same, the nightmares continued. Unfortunately for Lynn this pattern of sleep continued for weeks.
After several days Lynn returned to school and of course everyone had heard of Brendan’s death and the circumstances revolving around it. All Lynn’s friends wanted to know what happened and she just wanted to be left alone to forget that horrible night. Luckily for Lynn the student’s interest past as it always does in two days and moved on to more important things like who was dating whom. All of this had an effect on Lynn though, she went from being an out going, popular young woman to an introverted with drawn little girl. Lynn just wanted to be alone, even rejecting Mindy’s support, even though having interaction with her friends would have been the best thing for her. Lynn would just have to work this thing out for herself.
During this period of time Shamus McCullough was a busy man, concentrating all of his efforts on revenge for his son’s death. He read the police reports and contacted his attorney as to what could be done to punish Lynn. He couldn’t believe what was said about his son in those reports, lies, nothing but lies, he said, I’ll make that little bitch pay for what she has done.
After talking to his attorney Shamus contacted the District Attorney and reminded him that he had been on his election committee and had contributed a considerable amount of money to his successful election campaign. His plan was to have Lynn tried as an adult and have her charged with second-degree murder, he wanted revenge. The District Attorney tried to talk Shamus out of such an action.
“Shamus, I don’t think this murder thing is such a good idea, we might lose the case.”
“I don’t care, I want retribution for my son, I want this little whore to pay for what she did.”
“You’d better be careful with this girl, from what I’ve seen about her she’s a really nice young woman, she was one of the homecoming princesses two years in a row.”
“I don’t fucking care if she was the Queen of England, I want her in jail.”
“Have you read the police reports on this?”
“Yes I have and I expect you to prove them wrong, I want this bitch in jail.”
“How are we going to make the rape and bruises go away.”
“Make her out to be some kind of slut, you know a sex fiend, hell you’re the DA, make it happen, do I make myself clear?”
“Yes, Mr. McCullough.”
It was five in the afternoon when Susan heard the knock at the door. She opened it and saw two uniformed police officers standing with a paper in their hands.
“Lynn Collins?” asked the first officer.
“I’m Susan Collins, Lynn’s my daughter, what do you want with her?”
“Mrs. Collins, we’re here to arrest your daughter Lynn for murder, she’ll have to come with us.”
“What, there must be some mistake, Lynn hasn’t murdered anyone.”
“I’m sorry Mrs. Collins but the District Attorney has issued a warrant for her arrest and she will have to come with us. Please don’t make this more difficult than it already is, could you get her please?”
“Would you please come in, this is embarrassing enough without drawing too much attention as to why you are here. Who’s making the accusation that Lynn did this thing?”
“I’m sorry but we’re not at liberty to say, now would you please get your daughter.”
Susan was panic stricken, how could Lynn be charged with murder, all she did was defend herself, where were they going to take her, what would happen to her baby?
“Lynn could you come here please?” Susan shouted towards Lynn’s room.
Lynn walked out into the front room in her bare feet, wearing shorts and a blouse.
“Yes, Mom?”
“Honey, you have to go with these police officers, they have to ask you some questions,”
“About what?”
“Miss you have to come with us, please turn around, we have to handcuff you, it’s the law.”
“Hand cuff me, what did I do?” Lynn said as fear ran through her body.
“You murdered that poor boy now turn around.”
“I didn’t murder him, he raped me and was trying to kill me, all I did was protect myself.”
“Murdering that boy seems to me to be way beyond protecting ones self.”
“I didn’t mean to kill him, it was an accident.”
“Maybe so but you still have to come with us to be booked. Your mother can make arrangements to have you released.”
The officers led the now handcuffed Lynn to their cruiser, opened the door and placed her inside.
“Mrs. Collins, she will be at the police station. I would suggest that you get an attorney before you come to have her released.”
“An attorney?”
“Yes Mrs. Collins, an attorney.”
The officers drove off leaving Susan standing in the street feeling as though she had just been robbed.
Susan didn’t know any attorneys, she had never had a need for one until now, who could she call?
“District Attorney Weldon’s office,”
“Is Bob Weldon In?”
“Yes, whom should I say is calling?”
“Shamus McCullough.”
“Shamus, how are doing?”
“I’m doing fine, but that’s not why I called, I want to know what’s happening with that girl that murdered my son?”
“We arrested her this very afternoon and she’s going to be booked for second degree murder just like you asked us to do.”
“Good, I’m a little worried about this case so I’m going to have my lawyer consult with you on this, I want no slipups do we have an understanding?”
“Yes Shamus, we do.” answered Bob as he hung up the phone.
God what an asshole, thought Bob, the evidence proves that the girl was raped and was defending herself, why does he hate her so much?
Lynn sat in the most uncomfortable fashion, hands behind her back and unable to sit in a way that didn’t hurt.
“Why are you doing this?” she asked.
“I’m sorry miss but all we do is follow instructions and we were told to arrest you.”
“But I didn’t do anything wrong,” Lynn said as her tears began to flow.
Lynn was brought to the local police station and booked. She was placed into a holding cell until it would be time for her to be transported to the Juvenal Detention Facility. She was finger printed and photographed, but even worse she was treated badly. There was no, “I’m sorry we have to do this,” or, “would you like something to drink sweetheart,” but instead she was treated like a common criminal.
“Why are you being this way toward me?” asked Lynn.
“Because you’re a murderer, that’s why, now be quiet and do as you’re told, it will make it easier for you,” said the booking sergeant.
Lynn was placed back into her cell to await her outcome.
Susan was frantic; she had no idea as to what she should do. It isn’t everyday that your child is arrested for murder but at least she knew she had to find an attorney. Unfortunately Susan had never needed one except briefly when her husband left her and Lynn years ago, in fact she couldn’t even remember the lawyers name. Finally she remembered something Lynn had said, that Shauntay’s mother was an attorney.
Susan dialed Shauntay’s number and waited as the phone rang.
“Hello.”
“Shauntay, hi this is Lynn Collins’ mother.”
“Hi, but this isn’t Shauntay, I’m her mother Belinda, everyone makes that mistake, would you like to talk to her?”
“No, actually I called to talk to you. My name’s Susan Collins and Lynn had mentioned that you were an attorney and I really need your help right now,” Susan said as she began to cry.
“What’s happened, what’s wrong?”
“Lynn’s been arrested for murder.”
“Oh my God, let me think of what we might be able to do. I past the bar years ago but only practiced for a couple of years until I had children so I don’t know how much help I would be but I do know an attorney that specializes in these kinds of cases, let me get his number for you, this is so upsetting, Lynn is such a nice girl, I can’t believe she would be capable of doing anything like that.”
Belinda Miller found the phone number of the criminal attorney and gave it to Susan.
“Thank you so much Belinda you’re a life saver.”
“If there is anything else I can do for you just call.”
Susan called the number Belinda had given her and listened while the phone rang.
“Jack Masters.”
“Mr. Masters, my name is Susan Collins and I need your help.”
“How did you get my private cell number?”
“Belinda Miller gave it to me. Her daughter and mine are friends and my daughter has been arrested.”
“Belinda gave it to you, Belinda is a very dear friend and for her to give out this number must mean that it is very important for you to talk to me, now tell me what has happened with your daughter.”
“The police came to our house and arrested her for murder.”
“For murder, and how old is your daughter.”
“Sixteen.”
“She’s only sixteen and she’s been charged with murder, this is serious, do you know where they took her?”
“I imagine the local police station.”
“Okay, let me see what I can do to get her out of jail, that’s no place for a young girl to be, you’ve caught me at a bad time, I’m on the golf course. I’m going to give you the number to my office and I want you to call my secretary and give her all the information you can about the case and I will call her from the police station and see what I can do.”
“Thank you Mr. Masters.”
Susan wrote down the number and called Jack Masters’, office.
“Jack Masters’ office, Tiffany speaking.”
“Hello Tiffany, Mr. Masters asked me to call you with as much information that I can give so when he calls you will be ready. My name is Susan Collins and my daughter Lynn was just arrested for murder. She’s only sixteen and I’m worried about what might happen to her in jail.”
“Can you tell me why she was charged and any other pertinent information?”
“I don’t know why she was charged, she accidentally killed a boy several weeks ago but only after he raped her and then tried to kill her. There is something else you must know and I’m sure you would find out anyway, Lynn was born male but has transitioned into a girl and if any of the people in jail find out about that she’ll be past around like meat.”
Susan told Tiffany about how Lynn had killed Brendan and why.
“Let me have your phone number so I can call you back. I need to get this information to Jack right away so he doesn’t take his time getting to the jail, don’t worry Mrs. Collins everything will be alright, Jack’s a very good lawyer, I’ll call you back in a little while,” Tiffany said as she hung up the phone.
Tiffany called the police station to ascertain whether Lynn was there or not. When she found out that she was being held in a cell and what the charge was, she called Jack.
“Jack, it’s Tiffany, we have a real problem with your new client, as you know she’s a minor but the DA wants to prosecute her as an adult. To make matters worse this girl is transgender, she was born a boy and that’s pretty much all I can tell you for now.”
“She’s a boy, shit, that’s all I need right now, if the papers find out about this, they’ll lynch the poor child, now tell me more about the charge against her.”
“According to her mother she killed a boy in self defense. Apparently the boy raped her and then tried to kill her so she wouldn’t tell the police about the rape. She was almost ready to pass out when she found a letter opener and stabbed the boy in self defense and that’s about all I know.”
“If it was self defense why is she being charged?”
“They wouldn’t say at the police station, you know how they are, the wall of silence.”
“Okay, call Mrs. Collins back and tell her I’m on the way and have her meet me at the police station. If I can get her released they will want the mother there to bring her home.”
“Okay boss.”
Tiffany rang Susan and told her to meet Jack at the police station as soon as possible.
Susan rushed to her car and drove to the station house and nearly beating Jack there. She parked her car and ran to the front desk in the station.
“Excuse me officer, you have my daughter here under arrest. Her name is Lynn Collins, may I see her?”
“Since you’re her mother I guess that would be alright. She’s with her attorney in the lockup and since you’re the mother I’m sure it would be alright, but first I have to see some identification to prove that you are her mother.”
Susan showed the officer her driver’s license and was escorted to the cell. Jack had just started talking to Lynn to get a better feel for the case. The officer unlocked the door.
“Mommy, oh God Mommy please take me home, I’m so afraid,” said Lynn in a quivering voice.
Susan went to her daughter and held her, “I will as soon as I can, baby.”
“Mrs. Collins, I’m Jack Masters and I’m going to do all I can to get Lynn out of here tonight but first I have to find out why this is all happening. The DA usually doesn’t charge minors with crimes like this without a reason and after talking to Lynn about the circumstances this vendetta makes no sense to me at all.”
“Can you get her out of here?”
“I’ll talk to a judge and see if we can. It’s important that we do or Lynn will be booked into jail for the night and if she is, she will be strip-searched and that’s the last thing we will want. If that happens the news of her sex will spread like wild fire and as usual some big mouth will tell the news papers and the trial will be like a circus. Lynn this is important, how are your grades in school, if they are good the judge will be more inclined to release you.”
“I have straight A’s. I want to win a scholarship for homecoming princesses and part of that was being a good student. That’s why I was at Brendan’s house that night, to study.”
“I have a good working relationship with Judge Greenwood, I’m sure we can work something out.”
Jack Masters found Judge Greenwood and explained what was happening and why Lynn should be released from custody and was able to do so without mentioning her sex. He agreed that she should be released but only after Susan posted one hundred thousand dollars bail. Susan found a bail bond person that was more than happy to earn ten percent to put up the bond. Susan and Lynn left the jail and were soon on there way home. Jack meanwhile called the district attorney to get all the facts.
“District attorney’s office.”
“Bob Weldon please.”
“Who may I say is calling?”
“Jack Masters.”
“Oh hello Mr. Masters, Bob’s on the other line, I’ll transfer you when he gets off.”
Several minutes past and Jack was getting antsy, one thing had to be said about Jack Masters, he was an impatient man, he liked his ducks in a row and he hated it when they wandered because it took time to get them straight again and he didn’t have time to waste.
“Bob will take your call now,” said the secretary.
“Jack how you doing, how’s the golf game? Sorry I couldn’t make it today but something rather important came up, so what do I owe the honor?”
“Damn it Bob don’t make nice with me, I’m calling about Lynn Collins and what in the hell is going on about with this girl?”
“She’s been arrested for murder, that’s why I couldn’t play golf today.”
“Jesus Bob, she’s only a minor, what’s with the adult charge against her.”
“Those were my instructions.”
“Bob you never do things like this, who’s pulling the strings?”
“I can’t tell you that and it’s not important anyway, the point is that the girl is going to be tried as an adult and that’s all I can tell you.”
“Well, I’m representing Miss Collins so I’ll need everything you have on this case, I’ll expect to see everything in the morning.”
“I’ll have it for you, take care Jack.”
“You too Bob.”
As soon as Bob hung up the phone he dialed Shamus McCullough’s number.
“Shamus here.”
“Shamus, Bob Weldon, I have news for you and most of it bad as far as you’re concerned. The girl has been released from jail and Jack Masters is her attorney.”
“Jack fucking Masters, damn, that sleazy fuck gets everyone off, I’m calling in the big guns on this one. I’m calling my lawyer and ask him what we can do, I don’t want to lose this case, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
Shamus called his attorney Bryant Turner to see what could be done. Bryant was on staff for Shamus because of all the litigation involved in most of his dealings. As had been stated earlier Shamus was a tough business man and most of it was a bit crooked and Shamus learned at an early age that it would cost less to hire an attorney full time than to hire a law firm on a case to case basis, Shamus didn’t get rich the old fashion way he cheated.
“Bryant, this is Shamus. I need you to find a lawyer that will do almost anything to win a case. I don’t want you doing it because I don’t want my name linked to this trial other than as the grieving father.”
“Shamus, I have just the man in mind, Myron Snard, he’s a real son of a bitch, in fact I can’t think a man hated as much as he is, I’ll give him a call.”
Bryant looked through his phone index and found the number he was looking for.
“Myron, Bryant Turner here, I have something for you that will pay you very nicely, are you interested?”
“I’m always interested in making money Bryant, who do I have to keep out of jail this time?”
“Myron, you’re not going to believe this but we want you to help put someone in jail.”
“You want me to work with the prosecution, I don’t know if my heart will stand the shock, you actually want me to do good?”
“Don’t worry, you won’t be doing good, you can still be the same old mean son of a bitch you always are,” laughed Bryant.
“Good, you had me worried for a minute, now tell me what I have to do.”
“My client’s son was killed by a sixteen year old girl and he wants her put away for the killing. The problem is that the girl is claiming self-defense and unfortunately she has a pretty good case. It seems that the boy raped her and then tried to kill her and to make it worse there is evidence to back it up so there is a lot of work to do before trial, are you interested?”
“If the money’s right, I am.”
“Does a blank check sound okay?”
“Yes, pretty much what I had in mind, I’ll see you next Wednesday, I have a few things to clear up before then.”
“Good talking to Myron.”
Bryant called Shamus back and told him of the good fortune to have Myron working on the case for them, he would almost assure victory for the prosecution. Shamus smiled his first smile in weeks; it felt good to be able to ruin someone else’s life for a change.
Jack Masters was in his office when the paper work he had requested arrived for the Lynn Collins case. He opened the envelope and read everything that had been sent by the DA and came to the conclusion that Lynn and been raped and almost killed by Brendan. How the DA could charge Lynn with murder made no sense, there had to be something else in play, so Jack called Bob Weldon to see what the real problem was.
“Bob, Jack Masters here, I received the package you sent over and read every word. I don’t get it, you have no case here so why are you going after this girl the way you are?”
“Thanks for calling Jack, the reason I want to prosecute her is that we think she is lying.”
“Bob, did you look at the evidence, Brendan bet the shit out of her and raped her besides, you must have more.”
“We’re going to prove they were defensive injuries from when Brendan fought back while she was trying to stab him.”
“Get real Bob, Brendan was six-foot two inches tall and played on the football team and Lynn is what five-foot three and weighs maybe one hundred ten pounds, her wounds were a hell of a lot more than defensive, now tell me what’s really going on?”
“There’s nothing going on Jack, I just want to see justice done.”
“Bob, you’re so full of shit sometimes and this is one of them, I’ll figure out the real reason for this thing and then maybe you will come to your senses.”
Jack put the phone down and reread the evidence trying to make sense of this travesty. It took four times of going over the evidence before the light went on in his head, this was Shamus McCullough’s son and now he knew why Bob was making such a big deal about this case, everyone knew that Shamus owned Bob Weldon. This was going to make the case a bit more interesting, the evidence was cut and dried, Brendan raped the girl and then tried to kill her, there was no doubt about that, but how would they spin it, Lynn was the picture child of a nice wholesome girl, hell she even had a scholarship named after her, I don’t get it, there must be something I missed.
“Susan, Jack Masters here, I talked to the DA and he is adamant about proceeding with this trial and I figured out why, Brendan was Shamus McCullough’s son and right or wrong he will want retribution so I’ll be up front with you and tell you that this is going to get nasty. Shamus will do anything to win, cheat, lie, even buy witnesses; he’s a real piece of work. We have the truth on our side but even so it’s going to be a lot of work. Now, I need you to tell me everything you can about Lynn, the good things and the bad, you can’t leave anything out because you can count on the DA trying to find out about these things too.”
“Jack, Lynn’s never done anything wrong other than a few harmless pranks and even those weren’t that bad. There is one big thing though and I don’t know if they will find out but you should know that Lynn was born a boy, she’s transgender and a few people remember her as a boy but I don’t think they would say anything.”
“That could present a problem with our defense, if it becomes an issue maybe I might be able to have her sex set aside because rape is rape irregardless of who it is done to, lets just hope they don’t find out, where are her records kept that chronicle her transition?”
“Only at her doctors and at the school. The records at the school are kept in a separate file in Lynn’s councilor’s office so no one is privy to them.”
“That helps, maybe we can pull this off, Bob Weldon is a nice man but he also doesn’t dig too deep when it comes to things like this, it helps that he is on their side.”
“I thought he was a really good prosecutor, I read about him all the time in the paper?”
“Bob’s a really good politician but he really isn’t a very good lawyer, he just tells the papers that he is”
“I hope not, thanks for calling,” Susan said as she hung up the phone.
Lynn was sitting with Mindy and Shauntay when the subject of the homecoming came up.
“Lynn we have to register you for princess soon, there are only two days left.”
“I don’t want to run this year, I just don’t feel right about it.”
“I’m sure you’ll win,” said Shauntay.
“I don’t care I don’t want to do it,” Lynn said as her eyes began to water.
“Why not?” asked Mindy, seeing her girl friend’s discomfort.
“I just can’t, not after what happened, I’m sorry Mindy,” answered Lynn, trying not to cry.
“Lynn, you’re my best friend in the world and I hate seeing you like this, have you been seeing councilor?”
“No.”
“Maybe you should or you’ll never get over this thing.”
“Maybe you’re right, I’ll ask my Mom for advice.”
When Lynn arrived at home Susan was there because it had been a slow day at work.
“Mom, I think I should see someone about what happened, I don’t want to do anything and that’s not like me.”
“I think you’re right, you’ve been so depressed lately, I think you could use some help. What was the name of that man you used to see?”
“Dr. Jackson?”
“Yes, that’s it, I’ll call him tomorrow and see if he can fit you in.”
“Thanks Mom, can I please have a hug?” Lynn asked. She really needed one.
Susan took her daughter into her arms and held her tight.
Shamus McCullough was sitting in his office when his secretary came through the door.
“Mr. McCullough, Mr. Turner is here with some gentlemen to see you.”
“Who are they?”
“Mr. Turner said that it’s Myron Snard and his body guards.”
“Please show them in.”
“Mr. McCullough will see you now.”
Bryant Turner walked in ahead of Myron and his entourage. Bryant is a man that keeps himself in shape by going to the gym every morning before he comes to work and it shows. His clothes are tailored to fit and he looks sharp at all times. Myron however is the opposite. Myron is a puffy obese man. He stands five foot three, has a pasty pink complexion, squinty pig eyes and jowls that quiver when he walks. Shamus could hear him wheezing as he took his breaths when he walked into his office. Small beads of sweat had formed on his forehead because of the exertion from walking the short distance from his car to the office. The other two figures were something else to behold. Todd Melvin was a six foot four inch black man that was once a professional football player. He would still be playing if he hadn’t blown his knee out several years earlier helping his wife with some dumb project around the house. He had told her to hire someone to do the chore but she begged him to do it for her as a show of love, well that show of love cost him his playing career and millions of dollars. The other man was Blackie Craig, a white man standing six foot six and weighing two hundred forty pounds. Blackie had a shaved head and several tattoos on his neck and face. Blackie was once an ultimate fighter in a sport where almost anything goes, you just can’t gouge eyes or bite. Blackie could have been a champion at this sport because of the mean streak he had. He had no fear and could take almost any blow from his opponent, hence the scars over most of his face. Blackie loved fighting, both giving and receiving but kept forgetting the rules, you don’t bite and you don’t gouge. In his last fight he did both. He was a man possessed, his opponent had connected with a blow to the head and Blackie went crazy. He grabbed the other man by his eye sockets, bent his head back and bit half of his nose off, after that he wasn’t allowed to fight again and that’s why both he and Todd worked for Myron as bodyguards.
“Shamus, I’d like you to meet Myron Snard, Myron, Shamus McCullough,” said Bryant introducing the two men.
“It’s nice to meet you Myron, and who are these two men?”
“They’re my bodyguards, don’t pay attention to them, let’s just say that I’m in need of protection these days, for some reason people want to hurt me,” Myron said with an evil laugh, “Now tell me what you want me to do.”
“Myron, this girl Lynn Collins killed my son and I want the little bitch to pay for what she did. The DA thinks he might have some trouble convicting her so that’s why I asked Bryant to have you help us.”
“I don’t come cheap.”
“Money isn’t an issue right now, vengeance is, I want her put away for a very long time.”
“Why can’t your local DA handle the case?”
“Because there are some bullshit rape charges that need to go away.”
“I see, okay here’s what I’ll do for you, I’ll destroy the girl and every one around her and by the time I’m finished with her, people will think she’s the second coming of the black plague. Now for your part, I’ll want a fifty thousand dollar retainer and I charge one thousand dollars per hour because what I’m going to do isn’t cheap, do we have an understanding?”
“I’ll have Bryant draw a contract for your services. You’d better succeed though or your bodyguards won’t be enough to stop me from doing harm to you, now do we have an understanding?”
“Yes we do, have Bryant give me everything on this girl so I can get started, oh and see if you can have the trial scheduled for the middle of December, I want the jury pissed off because her trial will take them away from their holiday cheer.”
“I’ll get started right away,” said Bryant.
Myron studied Lynn’s file and determined that this wouldn’t be as easy as he thought it would be. This girl’s a Mother Theresa for God’s sake, there has to be something I can find out about her.
“Bryant, this is Myron, is this all you have for me on this girl? Where is her school records, what about any run ins with the police, does she have any enemies that would like to get back at her for something, does she have any fetishes?”
“She has nothing we can use that I could find and to be perfectly honest with you Myron, if I was married and had a daughter I’d want one just like her, she’s a beautiful kind person.”
“Don’t let your feelings get in the way Bryant, we have to destroy this girl and since you don’t have anything I’ll have Blackie find something on her, talk to you later.”
“Blackie, come in here, I have something for you to do.”
Later that night a tall figure skulked slowly towards a window in the rear of the high school. Blackie held a towel over the glass light to both muffle the sound and keep from cutting his hand as he broke the glass. After he broke the glass he opened the window and pulled himself inside and walked to find his target, the admissions office. Finding the door locked he pulled a pry bar from his coat and slipped it between the door and jamb. With some exertion he was able to break the jamb and gain entry into the office. Blackie found the file cabinet marked A thru G. He broke the lock on this one too and grabbed several files making sure he had the one marked Collins, Lynn. Myron had told him to take at least ten files or they might trace the burglary back to them if they were only to take Lynn’s file. By the time Blackie had finished his task and returned to Myron with the files it was well past three in the morning.
“Burn these files Blackie, this is the one I want, I’ll read it tomorrow.”
When the head custodian arrived at school at seven in the morning he was surprised to find the broken window. Then he discovered the door to the office and it was rendered useless. He called the police to make a report. The attendance secretary had arrived just before the police.
“Can you tell us if anything is missing?” asked the officer.
“The only thing missing are several of the students files, they didn’t even touch the petty cash.”
“Do you know whose files are missing?”
“Not just yet but I’ll make a list and fax them over to you.”
“Thank you,” said the officer, “ now I have to finger print the window and door and hope the thief was stupid enough not to have worn gloves.”
The secretary made the list and faxed it off to the police and then went into Miss Benson’s office.
“Miss Benson, one of the files that was stolen was Lynn Collins’.”
“Was it really, it’s a good thing that I keep her personal information locked in my office. The only thing the thieves will get from her file is her grades, I wonder what they were looking for?”
Myron awoke late as was his usual custom and went to look at Lynn’s file.
“Son of a bitch,” he muttered, “What the hell is this, there is nothing here but grades, Blackie, where are the rest of those files from last night.”
“You told me to burn them.”
“Were they as thin as this one?”
“No, they were thick, that one must have something missing.”
“Damn, I can’t have you go back to find the rest of it and if it wasn’t there someone must be hiding something, I’m going to have to dig a little deeper.”
Myron began his search, looking for anything he could on Lynn Collins, female. Luckily for Lynn she was born in a little town in Indiana while her parents were on vacation and so the birth documents were in Indiana and so with little more than Lynn Collins female to go on Myron was unable to find a birth certificate. Being unable to find anything substantial Myron devised another ploy, innuendo.
Meanwhile Bryant approached the DA and asked him to schedule the trial for the middle of December. When Jack heard this he went through the roof.
“What do you mean we can’t go to trial until then, Bob, what in the hell has gotten into you, schedule a hearing with the judge, I want this to be over as soon as possible,” said Jack.
“Okay, I’ll see if he can hear us next week,” replied Bob.
The following week the two attorneys were in court to set a date.
“Your Honor, the District Attorney is asking that we postpone trial on this matter until the middle of December and we’re asking that you schedule it for no later than the beginning of November. There’s no good reason to stall this thing any longer than that. All the evidence is in and it isn’t fair to such a young girl to have this travesty hanging over her head any longer than is necessary,” said Jack Masters.
“We need more time your Honor,” replied Bob Weldon.
“What do you need more time for Bob?”
“We’re still looking for more evidence.”
“After reviewing what’s here Bob, I can’t see that there would be anything else to find so I’m scheduling trial to start November second.”
“Yes your Honor.”
Lynn had just past her driving test one week earlier and was on her way to see Dr. Jackson for her first appointment in a year and a half. She wasn’t sure of what to expect as she parked the car and walked inside.
“I’m here to see Dr. Jackson,” Lynn said to the receptionist.
“Lynn, you’ve come back to visit us, let me look at you, my but you’ve become a beautiful young woman,” said Bernice. Bernice had been Dr. Jackson’s receptionist for years and loved watching his girls become women and Lynn was his finest example. “I’ll show you right in, Dr. Jackson is expecting you.”
Lynn was escorted into Dr. Jackson’s office.
“Lynn, it’s so nice to see you, how have you been?” asked Dr. Jackson.
“Not so well Doctor”
“Tell me what’s bothering you?”
“It’s, it’s, gosh, it’s so many things, I don’t know where to start.”
“You haven’t changed your mind about being a girl have you?”
“Oh my no, it’s just that, God I feel so dirty saying this, I was raped,” Lynn said as she crumbled in tears.
“Oh my God you poor thing,” responded Dr. Jackson, “Bernice, could you block out the rest of my afternoon, Lynn needs me for the rest of the day.”
“Yes, Doctor”
Lynn composed herself and continued, “That’s not the worst of it, I could eventually get over the rape but I killed someone and I’ll never forgive myself for that.”
“My God Lynn, tell me what happened so I can make some sense of this.”
Lynn proceeded to tell Dr. Jackson of the rape and death of Brendan McCullough and how she felt responsible for everything that happened.
“Tell me Lynn, why do you feel responsible for what happened?”
“If I hadn’t gone to his house this would have never happened.”
“Well of course not but you also didn’t expect to get raped either so you shouldn’t feel responsible for a very bad act, that was Brendan’s fault, you had nothing to do with that other than being in the wrong place with the wrong person. It would have happened to any girl that happened to be with him so it’s not your responsibility and you’re not being fair to yourself by taking the blame.”
“But if I wasn’t there none of this would have taken place, I wouldn’t have had to kill him.”
“Lynn the last thing you should feel guilty about is that. You might feel sorrow for his death, but he brought that on himself, what were you supposed to do die, you were just protecting yourself.”
“But it’s all my fault, I should have just gone to the library instead.”
“Lynn, there is nothing greater than hindsight when it comes to things such as this. Of course you could have gone to the library and this wouldn’t have happened, but you didn’t know it would. This wouldn’t have happened either if you hadn’t become homecoming princess and discovered your true self, would you want to take that away?”
“No, it’s just that I feel so bad because of what I’ve done.”
“I’m not saying that you shouldn’t feel bad, I’d be disappointed if you didn’t but you need to put it in perspective, you would be dead if you didn’t protect yourself.”
“But I wouldn’t have had to protect myself if I didn’t go to his house.”
“You wouldn’t have had to protect yourself if he wasn’t a rapist, don’t forget that.”
“I know, but still, God I’m so confused.”
“Lynn what happened wasn’t your fault, what happened, happened, there is no changing that and we have to work to get you past that. Let’s say you wanted a friend of yours to bring you to the mall with her when she went shopping and she was killed in an accident on the way to pick you up, would you feel responsible for that too?”
“I don’t think I would because it was an accident.”
“But your friend died on the way to pick you up.”
“I know but that was an accident, nobody planned it.”
“That’s the point, nobody planned it, she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. If you hadn’t asked her for a ride she would have still been alive but you couldn’t foresee the accident and it happened, it’s just like the rape, you couldn’t foresee that either but it happened and it was something you had no control of. Brendan’s death was unfortunate but he brought it on himself. If he hadn’t tried to kill you he would still be alive, so that was something he brought on himself, you were the victim in all this so you shouldn’t feel guilty, sorrow maybe, but guilt no.”
Lynn spent the next three hours with Dr. Jackson and was finally able to come to the realization that she shouldn’t feel guilty and that she shouldn’t stop living because another person tried to ruin her life. Lynn felt as though a great weight was lifted from her shoulders, she felt like living again. Little did she know that Myron Snard was going to try to make her life a living hell.
Bob called Bryant who in turn called Myron to inform them that the judge moved the trial up to November second because there wasn’t any more evidence to be found.
“How does he know that?” asked Myron, who was thoroughly pissed at that revelation. Myron needed more time to find dirt on the poor girl.
“Jack Masters made the point that it wasn’t fair to the girl to have to wait much longer for trail and the judge agreed,” stated Bryant.
“Okay, I’ll just have to accelerate what I usually do, here’s the plan. I’ll have Blackie search the Collins home for anything damaging and even if he doesn’t find anything we can still damage the evidence at trial. What we will do is make the girl out to be a sex freak and Brendan was just doing what the girl asked by making love to her.”
“What about the bruises?”
“That will be a little harder, we have to convince the jury that the girl liked to be choked to unconsciousness, you’ve seen stories about the sexual rush kids get from that and that’s how she got the bruises.”
“That would explain her neck but what about the cuts and bruises on her face?”
“I’ll think of something, maybe she tripped, yeh, that’s it, she tripped.”
“I hope this works or Shamus will really be angry if we fail.”
“Trust me it won’t fail and by the way get me everything on the doctor that treated her at the hospital, we have to discredit her too, in fact get me something on everyone that’s come in contact with her, the cops, everybody.”
“You’ve got it Myron.”
There were only two weeks until trial so Myron’s plan had to be rushed.
“Blackie, I want you to search the Collin’s home for some kind of clue as to the girls past, do it today,” said Myron.
“Okay boss,” answered Blackie.
Blackie drove to Susan’s home and watched to make sure there was no activity in the neighborhood. He exited the car and walked to the front door and rang the bell. When there was no answer he walked to the rear of the house and pried open the rear door. Entering he wandered through the house looking in drawers for anything that might be of help for Myron.
Susan was at work when she remembered that she had left some paperwork at home so she drove there to get it. She parked her car, noticing a strange vehicle parked several doors away. She walked to her front door and pushed her key into the cylinder. Blackie heard the noise and hid behind the door to the living room. As Susan walked past the door Blackie struck her on the head knocking her out. Blackie ran from the house and roared of in his car. Susan was unconscious for several minutes and then called the police as soon as she woke up.
“911 operator.”
“This is Susan Collins at 745 Britton Road, I was just attacked in my home and my house was broken into, please send someone.”
“Do you need an ambulance?”
“No, just the police.”
The police arrived and the investigating officer was Ben Patterson.
“Mrs. Collins, I’m Ben Patterson, can you tell me what happened?”
“Yes, I had forgotten something at home so I drove here from work and when I walked in here I was struck on the back of my head.”
“Did you see anything?”
“No nothing, other than a strange car several doors down.”
“Do you know what kind of car it was?”
“No, not really, it was a blue American car but I don’t know what kind.”
“Do you know how they entered your house?”
“I think through the back door, it seems to have been pried open.”
“Hmm, that’s interesting, do you know if they took anything?”
“Not that I can see.”
“I just happened to realized that your Lynn Collins mother aren’t you?”
“Yes, why do you ask?”
“Because I was the investigating officer at the McCullough home the night she was attacked. There have been some strange things happening with regards to this case that didn’t make sense until now. First the school was broken into and some file were stolen. We thought maybe it was a prank but one of the files was Lynn’s and now your house is broken into, I think there is more than meets the eye with this. I have to go make some calls, are you going to be alright?”
“Yes, my head just hurts, I’ll go see my doctor just to be sure everything is okay.”
“I’ll get back to you as soon as I know anything Mrs. Collins.”
“Thank you officer.”
Ben Patterson returned to his office and called Bob Weldon.
“Bob, Ben Patterson calling, what the hell is going on with the Lynn Collins case?”
“Why do you ask?”
“Because there have been two break-ins related to the case and that’s more that a coincidence.”
“Well our office had nothing to do with that.”
“But I’m sure you know who does.”
“That ridiculous Ben, breaking and entering is against the law and this office would never have anything to do with that.”
“Well someone is doing it and I’m going to find out why, I’ll be talking to you later.”
As soon as Bob hung up the phone he called Bryant Turner.
“Bryant, this is Bob Weldon, you had better call of your dogs before something serious happens, the police have some kind of idea as to what we’re doing so tell Myron to lay low or we will all be in hot water if we’re caught.”
“Okay, I’ll tell him to quit doing things that might put us in jail, I’ll talk to you in a few days.”
Bryant called Myron and told him to stop doing illegal things because the police were getting wise to what they were doing and that they would have to be careful.
Jack Masters was informed of the two break-ins and had put two and two together. He knew Shamus McCullough was the person behind what was happening to Lynn but there was nothing he could do about it, Shamus owned Bon Weldon. Jack had his own problems; he had to find someone to discredit Brendan and began his search. He finally found a girl who had dated Brendan and discovered that she also been raped only she never reported it because she feared for her life and with good reason, she would be his ace in the hole so to speak.
The days past with Myron drilling Bob Weldon on what to ask and what to avoid until Bob would be able to ask questions in his sleep. During this period of time Myron hired a jury consultant, he wanted to be sure his ducks were in a row and the jurists would be the most likely to vote in favor of the prosecution.
It was the night before the trial was to begin and Susan decided to take Lynn out for dinner to a new restaurant that specialized in steaks and seafood.
“What should I wear Mom?” asked Lynn.
“I was thinking that pink angora dress we just bought. Wear your pink heels with it.”
“Okay Mom.”
Lynn knew what dress her mother was talking about. The angora was so soft and the dress followed her new curves to perfection. The top was cut just low enough to expose the slightest amount of cleavage and the straps went over her shoulders down to the square cut back. Her shoulders were exposed adding to the sexuality of the garment. Lynn rolled on a pair of nude pantyhose and found her white lacy bra that pushed her now B cup breasts up and in to create more cleavage. She lowered a slip down over her head and then did the same with the dress.
“Mom, could you zip me please?”
“Sure honey, I’ll be right there.”
Susan zipped the dress and looked at her daughter and was amazed at how shapely she had become over the past year. Lynn’s waist was tiny and her hips curved out nicely, she was trim, not buxom, she was an incredibly beautiful girl, Susan was proud of her baby.
Lynn found her pink pumps with the two-inch heels and put them on. She added a little more makeup than she usually wore and went to join her mother. They rode to the restaurant with Lynn driving and allowed the valet to park the car. The boy was all eyes when he opened the door for Lynn. He lowered his hand to hers and helped out of the car.
“Be careful with my car,” flirted Lynn. Lynn was finally able to lower her guard a little since the rape and it felt good.
“I’ll protect it with my life.” He responded with a smile.
Susan and Lynn entered the restaurant and were seated in a rear booth. The restaurant was nice, having rolled napkins and several silverware settings. The waiter opened the napkins for the ladies and put them in their laps.
“Would you like something to drink before dinner?” he asked.
“I’d like a glass of red wine and my daughter would like some ice tea with lemon please.”
The waiter left and brought the beverages back to the table.
“Are you ladies ready to order?”
“I’d like the pan seared salmon please,” answered Lynn.
“I’d like the petrale sole, how is that cooked?”
“Over mesquite charcoal.”
“Perfect.”
The waiter left and the girls lost themselves in conversation until the food arrived. Lynn’s salmon was served on a leaf of red leaf lettuce with garlic-mashed potatoes and sautéed vegetables. Susan’s was served on a platter with pasta covered with pesto sauce and charcoal seared asparagus. The girls began eating and were almost finished when Myron Snard and his bodyguards entered the restaurant. They were seated on the other side of the room so they really didn’t see each other and would only if they tried to look at each other. Myron had never seen Lynn and Blackie had only seen the back of Susan’s head briefly as he knocked her out. Myron was creating a stir in his immediate area because of his disgusting appearance. He was sweaty, and because of the exertion of walking, a pinkish red color. The patrons were becoming very uneasy in his presence and when he began to eat they almost fled the restaurant, Myron had ordered the largest steak on the menu and couldn’t shovel the food in his mouth fast enough. As he ate he made slight but distinguishable guttural sound, that and the sight of his squinty pig eyes was revolting.
Lynn and Susan had finished eating and were waiting for their change. Just as the waiter returned with the cash Myron sucked his breath in and swallowed a chunk of steak down his windpipe. Myron was choking and made a regurgitation sound as he stood up from his chair. All the people watched him as he flailed trying to clear his throat. The people just stared and because of the disgusting nature of the man didn’t want to touch him. The restaurant staff didn’t have a clue as to what they should do, Heimlich training was supposed to take place next week. Myron was in distress now, his pig eyes were bulging out and he was turning reddish purple.
“Mom, they’re letting that man die,” said Lynn as she bolted across the room to aid the disgusting man. Lynn had been a boy scout and had earned his first aid merit badge and knew what must be done to save the man. She arrived at the table and tried to put her arms around the robust man but he was much too large.
Lynn looked up at Blackie and said, “Quick put your arms around his stomach and make a fist and I’ll guide you.”
Blackie did as instructed and then Lynn placed her hands over his and guided them into position. “Now pull in and up at the same time real hard, go,” she said. Blackie did as instructed and nothing happened. “Quick do it again,” she said and Blackie pulled as hard as he could. Suddenly the food popped up and out of Myron’s throat. It traveled out of his mouth onto Lynn’s left breast staining her dress. Myron collapsed onto his chair trying to regain his breath.
“You saved my boss’s life,” said Blackie.
“You did all the work,” replied Lynn, “He should be alright now.”
Lynn walked away from the table and joined her mother.
“Baby, you saved that man’s life, I’m so proud of you.”
“Thanks Mom, it was nothing.”
“Yes it was, no one else even tried to help him, you should be proud of yourself.”
“Oh Mom, you’re going to make me blush, let’s go.”
Lynn and Susan left the restaurant before Myron was able to thank Lynn for saving his life, what kind of person would do that and ask for nothing in return. People never did anything for Myron without asking for something in return, he was hated that much.
“Blackie who was the person that saved me?” asked Myron.
“It was this beautiful young girl. She took my hands in hers and softly guided them to where they had to be. They were soft like velvet but she was able to move my hands like they were her own. After I pulled the second time your food popped out all over her dress. It had a big stain after she wiped the food off, I’m sure it was ruined.”
“See if you can find out who she is, the least I can do is replace her dress.”
Blackie asked the host who the girl was but nobody knew. The only clue they had was the name Susan on the reservation book and that was no help at all.
Myron was in awe of this girl. What kind of person helps another person without even thinking of some kind of reward? This girl is very special thought Myron, I just wish I could find her. Myron had never been touched like this before.
Myron never attended the trials he was involved with except briefly so he never had any real sense of the people he was dealing with. No face to look at and it was like dealing with an object not a person’s life. The unselfish act performed by this girl though was reaching him deep within his brain; Myron might become a human being after all, not.
Morning came and Susan and Lynn were off to court. Jury selection was to start at nine o’clock and Jack wanted them to be there before eight-thirty. He had Lynn and Susan come to an empty office so he could give them an idea of what was going to go on.
“Lynn, today we’re going to pick a jury. I know Bob Weldon has a team working with him and will probably have a consultant for the jury but if we get lucky they will see what is going on and you will be acquitted. I might ask a jurist some strange questions and if I excuse him or her it’s for a reason so this might take a while, maybe even all day or even into tomorrow. Just stay patient everything will be okay. It’s time to go in now and don’t worry, I’ll be right beside you.”
Jack, Lynn, and Susan went into the courtroom and seated themselves at the defendant’s table. Bob Weldon was at the other table and Myron had equipped him with a hidden microphone so he could listen in and send instructions to Todd who was sitting just behind Bob.
“All rise, his Honor Ralph Garcia presiding,” said the bailiff.
Judge Garcia walked to his bench and was seated.
“Please be seated,” said the bailiff.
The court was seated and the judge began, “We’re here in the matter of the state versus Lynn Collins for the murder of Brendan McCullough, are all parties present?”
“Yes your Honor,” replied both Jack and Bob.
“We will begin jury selection at this time, bailiff would you please escort the first group into the court?”
“Yes your Honor.”
Todd looked at Lynn and thought, what a shame, she sure is a pretty girl and then he gasped, oh my God, that’s the girl that saved Myron’s life, I have to get to him. Todd rose and left the court and pulled his cell phone from his pocket.
Myron answered the phone, “Hello.”
“Boss, you’re not going to believe this but the girl on trial is the girl that saved your life last night.”
“Impossible.”
“I swear to God, it’s her.”
“Aw shit, what am I going to do now, I owe her and I know she’s innocent, the least I can do is try to fix the jury in her favor. I wish I could take away the prosecutions case, but it is too late for that, I just hope Jack Masters is a good lawyer. Go back into the court and I’ll do what I can to save the girl, give my instructions to the DA when he picks the jury.”
It appears that Myron Snard had a heart after all.
The jury selection took two days to complete. Bob Weldon wondered why Myron was approving the jurors he was but knew Myron had his reasons. Jack on the other hand was wary of the selections, they all seemed to be in his favor and he wondered why, it had to be a trick so he dismissed several because they seemed to good to be true. During this time Bob asked the judge to keep Lynn in the Juvenile detention facility claiming she might run away. Not knowing the girl the judge agreed so Lynn had to spend the remaining time in custody until her fate was decided.
The trial began with Bob calling the first police officer on the scene.
“Can you tell us what you found when you arrived at the McCullough home?” asked Bob Weldon.
“I found the defendant sitting on the couch and Brendan dead on the floor with a knife in his back,” answered Sergeant Goodfellow.
“Did you check him for signs of life?”
“The paramedics already did that.”
“Did you have any conversation with the defendant?”
“Yes, the usual stuff, I asked her for her name and age, if she was okay and what had happened.”
“Thank you, that will be all.”
“Mr. Masters?”
“Thank you your Honor, Sergeant Goodfellow, what was the defendant’s response when you asked her what had happened?”
“She said that she had been raped and that Brendan had tried to kill her.”
“And what did the defendant look like when you arrived?”
“Her face was bloodied and bruised.”
“Thank you Sergeant, that will be all.”
“The prosecution calls Linda Carlisle.”
“Officer Carlisle, you interviewed Miss Collins the day after the incident, did you not?” asked Bob Weldon.
“The night before and the day after.”
“What did she tell you?”
“That she had been raped and had defended herself when the boy tried to kill her.”
“Other than Miss Collins description of the events there really isn’t any other witness is there?”
“No.”
“Miss Collins could be telling a lie couldn’t she?”
“Objection your Honor.”
“Sustained, you know better than that Mr. Weldon, keep to the facts.”
“No more questions.”
“Miss Carlisle, was there any reason not to think Miss Collins wasn’t raped?”
“No sir, she was very emotional at even the mention of rape and the bruises on her face proved that something happened.”
“Thank you, no more questions.”
“The prosecution calls Dr. Sheila Belle.”
“Dr. Belle, you were the attending physician the night in question in the ER at county hospital?”
“That’s correct.”
“Did you examine Miss Collins after she had been brought to the hospital?”
“Yes.”
“What did you find?”
“There was blood and sperm from where the boy had raped her.”
“Objection your Honor, there is no proof she was raped.”
“Sustained, strike rape from the records please.”
“So, Dr. Belle, you found sperm from intercourse and what did you do with it?”
“I took a swab of it and placed it in a sterile container for DNA testing, it’s called a rape kit.”
“Please your Honor would you instruct the witness to stop using the word rape during her testimony?”
“Mr. Weldon, the kit the Doctor is referring to is called a rape kit and not an intercourse kit so I see no harm in her testimony.”
“Did you also treat her for bruises?”
“Yes, the bastard beat her face.”
“Your Honor?”
“Please Dr. Belle, just answer the questions without editorializing.”
“I’m sorry your Honor.”
“Dr. Belle, isn’t it true you were allegedly raped and this is your way to get back at the man who got away with it, that in fact Miss Collins was just a little upset because she lost her virginity?”
“Objection your Honor, Dr. Belle isn’t on trial here, what happened in the past has nothing to do with what happened to Miss Collins,” stated Jack Masters.
“Sustained.”
“No more questions your Honor.”
“Dr. Belle, why do you think Miss Collins was raped?”
“Objection your Honor, the witness is being asked to make a conclusion.”
“Over ruled Mr. Weldon, there has been a claim of rape and the attending physician should be able to help answer that question, go ahead Dr. Belle.”
“When I first examined her I noticed an excessive amount of blood in her skirt and panties, when she removed them I noticed that her sphincter had been ripped in several spots. During normal intercourse there might be a small amount of bleeding but not to this extent, the pain would be too severe to continue so this was obviously a forced entry.”
“Are you telling me she was raped in her rectum?”
“Yes, many times rapists can’t wait to do it any other way, they just want to hurt the girl, it’s not the pleasure of sex but the pleasure of hurting the girl.”
“You mentioned that you treated her bruises?”
“Yes, you don’t get that kind of bruising during some sort of bondage act, she was definitely beaten.”
“Thank you Dr. Belle.”
“The prosecution calls Dr. Denton.”
“Dr. Denton, you’re the coroner for our county?”
“That’s correct.”
“You examined Brendan McCullough both at the crime scene and in the morgue, could you tell us what you found?”
Upon arriving at the McCullough residence I found young McCullough lying on his stomach with a dagger in his back. He had been dead for several hours so I had him brought to the morgue. After his examination I determined that the dagger had penetrated his heart causing instant death.”
“No more questions your Honor.”
“Dr. Denton, during your examination did you notice at what angle the entry wound was?” asked Jack.
“Yes the wound entered his back just to the right of his spine and at a slight angle.”
“You mention an angle, was it angled from the top down or from the side?”
“Definitely from the side.”
“In other words the person swinging the knife would have had to bring it around the person’s body to achieve such an angle?”
“That’s correct. If a person were to strike someone from behind the knife would enter in an up and down line and not side to side.”
“If then, Brendan was on top of Miss Collins as she claims the entry wound would be consistent with his position on her chest.”
“That’s correct.”
“No more questions your Honor.”
“Redirect your Honor.”
“Dr. Denton, you’re saying that the girl couldn’t have stabbed the boy in the back from behind?”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“Couldn’t she have swung her arm around and stabbed him while standing to his side and had the same entry wound?”
“The entry angle would be the same except the girl is too short to have swung high enough to penetrate the boys back where she did, the wound would have been just above his hip.”
“No more Questions your Honor.”
“The prosecution calls Dr. Stanley Burton.”
“Dr. Burton can you explain your expertise to the court.”
“I have a doctorate in sexual studies.”
“Objection your Honor, what do sexual studies have to do with this case?”
“Mr. Weldon, would you like to explain?”
“Yes your Honor, we want to prove that Miss Collins was caught up in a sex game and then felt remorse so she killed the young man.”
“I’ll allow the questioning.”
“Dr. Burton you’ve seen the evidence in this case and have you come to any conclusion as to what may have happened?”
“Yes, well today’s youth seems to go towards bigger thrills than what was accepted several years ago. Girls these days want to be virgins when they marry so they engage in oral and anal sex so they technically remain virgins. Another darker thrill is strangulation. Teens are choked to unconsciousness, which apparently gives them a sexual thrill, one that I never understood. From what I have seen from this case the bruising on the girls neck was from sexual strangulation and the torn sphincter from love making, it was all just in fun.”
“You liar, I was raped,” screamed Lynn.
“Mr. Masters, would you keep your client quiet please,” said the judge.
“No more questions, your Honor,” said Bob Weldon as he walked away with a smirk on his face.
Jack walked up to the witness stand and look Dr. Burton in the eye and asked, “Do you seriously think the damage done to this little girl was the result of love games, do you?”
Dr. Burton shifted uneasily in his chair and answered, “They could have.”
“So let me get this straight, you claim the bruising on the neck was caused by sexual strangulation, don’t they usually use a cloth around the neck just so you don’t have injury?”
“I guess,” Dr. Burton answered softly.
“You guess, come on Doctor you know darn well that people don’t use their hands and leave bruises because they squeezed hard enough to break blood vessels during sex games. And you say that the anal sex injury was the result of fun, don’t people use lubrication and go slowly so as to adjust to the act just so this kind of injury won’t happen?”
“Yes.”
“So tell us Dr, how do these types of injuries occur?”
“Objection your Honor, councilor is asking my witness for a conclusion.”
“Over ruled, I want to hear this myself, answer the question.”
“From a rape.”
“No more questions.”
“The prosecution rests.”
“We will adjourn for today, Mr. Masters you can begin your defense tomorrow, court adjourned.” Said the judge as he hit his gavel on the desk.
The following morning Jack started his defense by calling Lynn to the stand.
“Miss Collins we’ve heard previous testimony in regards to the night in question, could you tell us in your own words what happened?”
“Yes, that day Brendan asked me to come over to his house to study. My mom said it would be okay but that she would drive me. When I arrived Brendan brought me into the library and told me that I would have to climb a ladder to get the books. He got the ladder and I climbed up to the row with the books I needed. He was holding the ladder for me and when I started back down he shook it so I would lose my balance. I started to fall and he caught me then said that I owed him a kiss for saving me. I said no but he didn’t listen and kissed me anyway. I told him to stop and that’s when he got really mad and hit me and threw mw against the couch. After that he lifted my skirt and raped me. I told him that I was going to call the police so he threw me on the desk and started to choke me. I couldn’t breath and my hand found the dagger so I swung it to try to make him let me go. I didn’t mean to kill him. I just wanted him to let me go, I’m so sorry,” Lynn said as she broke down in tears.
After Lynn had gained control of herself, Jack asked, “Did you do anything to provoke the attack?”
“No, I just wanted to study.”
“No more questions.”
“Miss Collins didn’t you think it was a little strange for Brendan to ask you over to study?” asked Bob Weldon.
“No, he said he had the books and I could tell he liked me.”
“He liked you?”
“You know, he flirted a lot.”
“And did you like that?”
“I was flattered, but I did nothing to lead him on.”
“So you liked him, what did you wear when you went to his house, something sexy to arouse him?”
“ No, I wore the same skirt and blouse I wore to school.”
“I see, and you climbed the ladder with a skirt on?”
“Yes.”
“And Brendan was watching you climb the ladder?”
“Yes.”
“You’re a very attractive young woman Miss Collins, why wouldn’t you expect Brendan to be excited about you, especially after looking up your dress while you were on the ladder?”
“Looking at a girls legs is no excuse to rape her.”
“You claim it was rape but I see something else here. You teased the boy because you wanted something else, you wanted him to make love to you and when he did you cried rape and then you murdered him, isn’t that true Miss Collins?”
“No, he raped me.”
“Nonsense Miss Collins you came to Brendan’s house to seduce him didn’t you?”
“No.”
“And he did just as you wanted him to do didn’t he, you wanted to make love to him and he complied and then you felt guilt so you stabbed him didn’t you?”
“No, he was trying to kill me.”
“No he wasn’t, you wanted him to strangle you for the thrill didn’t you?”
“No, no, it wasn’t like that he tried to kill me, all I wanted was for him to stop,” Lynn cried.
“Tell me the truth Miss Collins, you murdered Brendan McCullough didn’t you, you buried the dagger as deeply as you could, you wanted him dead, no more questions.” shouted Bob.
Lynn sat in the witness box until she stopped crying. Jack went and helped her back to her seat and called his final witness.
“I call Cindy Crenshaw to the stand.”
Cindy was a student at the same school as Lynn. She was a tall girl and did modeling part time and wanted to become a full time model after graduation.
“Miss Crenshaw, you’re a student at the same school as Lynn and Brendan.”
“Yes.”
“Did you know Brendan McCullough?”
“Yes.”
“How well did you know him?”
“I dated him a few times.”
“Why did you stop dating him?”
“He raped me?”
“He raped you?”
“Yes sir.”
“Did you make a police report?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because he threatened to kill me if I did.”
“And you believed him?”
“Yes, if you had seen the look in his eyes you would have believed him too.”
“Have you ever told anyone about this?”
“No, not until now. I read what was happening to Lynn and had to tell someone, it’s not right, Lynn is the sweetest girl I know.”
“No more questions.”
“Miss Crenshaw, how do we know your telling the truth?” asked Bob Weldon.
“You will have to take my word for it.”
“Your word, please, were talking about rape here and the boy can’t defend himself, personally I think you’re lying Miss Crenshaw.”
“I’m not, he did rape me, I wish I had gone to the police so the same thing wouldn’t have happened to Lynn.”
“It’s only your word Miss Crenshaw, no more questions.”
“Do you have anymore witnesses Mr. Masters?” asked the judge.
“No sir,” responded Jack.
“Mr. Weldon would you like to start your summation?”
“Yes your Honor. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you’ve heard many hours of testimony concerning this case. Now you have to weigh what you have heard, is it true or is the truth being bent by the defense. Lynn Collins is a pretty girl but don’t let that persuade you, she’s a cold-blooded murderer. You heard the testimony, the Doctor in charge of the ER has an agenda against men and now she can get even by getting Lynn Collins off. The coroner stated that the girl could have swung from the side and Dr. Burton stated that Lynn Collins was a sexual freak, she wanted to get raped and strangled. The only reason Brendan McCullough is dead is that Lynn Collins wanted the thrill of killing him so I ask you to find her guilty.”
“Mr. Masters?”
“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I can’t believe what I just heard from the District Attorney, the only thing I can agree with is to look at the truth. Make your decision on fact and not innuendo. Even Dr. Burton said that Miss Collins was raped. Brendan McCullough was an evil boy and had it not been for the fact that Lynn Collins found the letter opener she would be dead right now. When you go into the jury room read the facts and find Lynn Collins not guilty of this travesty.”
“Bailiff, would you take the jury to deliberation?”
“Yes sir.”
It was the second day of deliberation when the bailiff found Susan Collins in her familiar place in front of the courtroom.
“Mrs. Collins, the jury has made a decision.”
“Finally.”
Susan slowly rose to here feet and walked to a seat behind her little girl. She wanted to be with her one way or the other. Susan was weary and it showed, her face was drawn and her hair wasn’t the usual every hair in place. Susan had on minimal makeup hoping to hide the bags under her eyes.
“Has the jury come to a decision?” asked the judge.
“Yes your Honor.”
“And how do you find on the count of murder in the second degree?”
“Not guilty, your Honor.”
Susan Collins heard “not” and fainted. She opened her eyes and saw Lynn standing over her.
”Mommy, we can go home now, it’s over.”
Susan pulled her baby into her arms and held her tight.
Luckily for Myron Snard he had asked for his final payment before testimony began and had cashed the check for the additional seventy-five thousand dollars bringing the total to one hundred twenty-five thousand dollars and received payment before the trial was over and was long gone.
Shamus McCullough raised holy hell with Bob Weldon and Bryant Turner and swore he would get even with them for failing to convict Lynn.
Several days had past when there was a knock at Susan’s front door.
“I have a delivery for Lynn Collins,” stated the deliveryman, “Sign here.”
Susan signed her name and took the envelope.
“Lynn there’s something here for you.”
“What is it Mom?”
“An envelope.”
Lynn came from her room and took the envelope from her mother. She opened the top carefully. On the inside was a note and a check. Lynn read the note.
“Dear Miss Collins you don’t know me and we met just once. You would remember me if I told you who I was so I won’t but let me say that no person has had an impact on my life as you have. Until I met you all I would ever do is find fault in everyone I met, yet you influenced my life, no questions asked, no revulsion, you just took me as I was. You have caused me to take a long hard look at myself and I didn’t like what I found, a disgusting human being. You opened my eyes to something else, kindness, and for that I am sending you an anonymous gift. You won’t be able to find me so there will be no way for you to return it, use it for your future and please never change, a friend.”
Lynn opened the cashiers check and saw her name and the amount one hundred twenty-five thousand dollars. Myron Snard was truly a changed man.
‘Mom, look,” screamed Lynn.
“Oh my God,” replied Susan.
“Mom, you’re not angry that I couldn’t be Princess this year are you?” laughed Lynn.
“Honey, next year you can be Queen,” said Susan as she took her daughter in her arms and held her tight.
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I'll Be Home For Christmas
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“Welcome back Miss McFadden. Did everything go well?” asked Susan, my assistant.
“Yes, even better than I expected, Susan. They signed,” I replied, as I set my briefcase on her desk.
“Are you serious, we got the account?” she asked.
“That’s what I’m saying, dear girl, we landed the entire job. We start after the New Year. I’m so excited I can hardly breathe. I’m going to hire a complete staff just to handle this account,” I replied.
“Well, I’m sure twenty-three million dollars will pay the bill. How many branches do we have to redo?”
“Seven hundred and fifty-six. I know we can handle it. I haven’t come this far to fail,” I said.
The phone rang and Susan answered it.
“Miss McFadden’s office,” she said. “Hold please. It’s Larry Cline from Berkshire and Thomas, do you want to speak to him?”
“Yes, I’ll take it in my office, thank you Susan,” I replied.
I entered my office and removed my heels. It felt good to walk across the deep carpet to my desk. My office occupied the corner of the forty-third floor in an office building in downtown Atlanta, Georgia. My name is Cynthia Lynn McFadden, and I’m the owner of Cynthia McFadden and Associates, one of the largest interior design companies in Georgia. I started the business in my kitchen eight and a half years ago, and thru luck and hard work it prospered. I had just landed a major remodel of one of the largest banks in the US, and I felt as though I was walking on clouds. Maybe it was the carpet and the relief of removing my heels, but I doubt it.
“Hello Larry, how are you?” I gushed.
“Oh please call me Cindy, Cynthia sound so formal,” I said.
“Do you really like my design, wonderful? I think it will do wonders to your law firm.”
“Yes, I’d like that, lunch, certainly, let’s say Monday at twelve? I’ll see you there,” I replied and lowered the phone.
I checked my Email and filed the ones I needed to respond to and gave them to Susan. The rest I deleted. I surfed the web mindlessly as I was putting off something I needed to do. It was time. I clicked my computer to sleep and picked up the phone. I slowly punched in the number on the keypad. The phone on the other end rang twice before she answered.
“Hello.”
I tried to speak but the lump in my throat wouldn’t allow me to. Tears filled my eyes as I tried to respond.
“Hello,” she said, but this time with irritation in her voice.
“Hhi…….., Mom,” I answered softy.
It had been ten years since I had spoken to my mother. The last time we spoke we had parted with both of us spewing hatred toward each other. That was when I walked out the door, never to return. It hadn’t been good, but I felt it was time to bury the hatchet. It was only three days until Christmas, and this year I wanted to spend it with my mother and father.
“John, John, is that really you?” my mother asked, with the obvious surprise showing in her voice.
“Yes Mother, its me,” I responded, as the sadness washed away, only to be replaced with anger.
“My God Johnny, it’s been ten years. Why haven’t you called?” she implored.
I wanted to snap at her, she knew why, but doing that would just widen the gap between us once again.
“You know why Mom. I couldn’t,” I answered, as I buried my anger.
“I thought you were dead, and so did your father,” she said.
“No mother, I’m not dead. Mom, I want to come home for Christmas,” I said brightly, trying not to betray my feelings.
I was met with silence as my mother pondered what I had said.
“Mom, did you hear me?” I asked.
“Yes, I heard. I’m just surprised you want to come home after all these years,” she replied.
“Mom, I would really like to see you and Dad again, please?” I pleaded.
I wasn’t going to stoop to the level of pleading with my mother, but her voice had sent me over the edge. I wanted so badly to be accepted by her and my father that I would allow myself to beg to come home.
“When would you be coming?” she asked, uneasily.
“For Christmas, Mom, please?”
“You sound different from what I remember?”
“I’m not the same person that left that night, Mom, I’ve changed,” I replied.
Boy, have I changed. I was a bitter young man that night so many years ago. I had stormed from my parent’s home after another argument of who I was. My parents couldn’t accept that I was a woman in the wrong body, so I ran. I was nineteen years old and only had a few hundred dollars to my name, that and the cloths on my back.
I hitched rides until I ended up in Atlanta. I found a job in a fast food restaurant and stayed in a homeless shelter until I saved enough money to rent my own apartment. I was able to start my transition after that. It took several months for me to buy what little clothing I could from charity stores. That’s when luck came into play.
I was shopping at a store one day and noticed the manager talking to another person about how to make the store more friendly to people other than the down and out. I had always loved the design aspect of construction and couldn’t help myself and interjected myself into their conversation. I gave them my ideas and they remodeled the store as I had suggested. What I hadn’t realized that the other person was an architect and he liked the way I could design a space without paper and convey the concept so easily. He left his phone number with the manager and asked that I call him the next time I came into the store.
I called the man and I was interviewed for a job. It wasn’t much, but it was better than flipping burgers. I was straightforward with him and explained that I was going to transition into the person that was hidden inside my body. He was a little uncomfortable with that, but gave me the job anyway.
I started my new job and loved what I was doing. I also began my real life test. I felt that it would be better for the other employees to know Cynthia rather than John. I was open about who I was and most of the other people accepted me as a woman.
I worked there for two years and had been on hormones for most of that time so my body had pretty much become feminized. I had been involved in most of the designs that were a success and the company was pleased with my performance. They would gush as to what a wonderful job I was doing, but I was never promoted to a higher level in the company. I had a discussion with my supervisor and he told me the reason was that I was different. I knew that to mean transgendered, so I quit and opened my own company.
It was difficult at first. I worked from my apartment and did everything, sales design, and contracts. It was hard, but I succeeded beyond even my wildest dreams. I’ve never hidden my previous life and most people accept me as the woman I am today.
As I became successful I had the money to complete my journey. I won’t lie and say that I haven’t had help from my favorite surgeon. I’ve had facial and breast surgery, and the most important, sexual reassignment. It was expensive, but worth every penny of it. I’m a rather tall woman, five foot ten, to be exact, or stately, as I prefer. I’ve been told that I’m very attractive, and don’t seem to lack having dates when I wish.
I have a steady boyfriend who’s a surgeon at a local hospital, and no he isn’t the one that made me who I am today. He knows of my past, in fact all the men I’ve dated were told before anything happened between us. I’ve never had a problem with it, nor have they.
In the last year I bought a six thousand square foot home in a gated community in a suburb of Atlanta. I, of course decorated the home myself.
Now I wondered if my parents would accept the new me?
“I should hope not John. If you say that you’ve changed then yes, please come home,” Mom said.
“Thanks Mom, I’ll see you Thursday, bye,” I said as I hung up the phone.
I had some shopping to do. I hadn’t planned on going home, but now that I was, and I wanted to make an impression. I bought a watch for my father and a necklace for mom. Both were breathtakingly expensive.
I called for a taxi Thursday morning to take me to the airport. I had packed my suitcase with several days worth of clothing. I was wearing one of my suits. The skirt stopped at my knee and I looked like I always did, a woman with class.
The driver took my luggage from me and held the door as I entered the cab. Normally I have to do that myself, so I assumed I looked better than normal.
The ride to the airport was uneventful, and I couldn’t help smiling at the driver when I caught him looking at me in the mirror. When we arrived I gave him a larger tip than normal and wished him a Merry Christmas. I was rewarded with an ear-to-ear smile.
I removed my Jimmy Choos when I found my seat in first class. I have been flying this way for the last two years and shudder to think of the small space between the rows in the tourist section.
The plane departed and was soon flying at thirty thousand feet. I opened my latest Michael Connelly novel and insulated myself from the rest of the passengers. I’m a sucker for good mysteries, so I follow Connelly and Paterson like a junkie.
I had read almost half of the book when I felt the plane start its glide into SFO. I looked out the window and saw San Jose passing slowly beneath us. I raised my seat into the forward position and looked out the window once more. The small cities that lined the bay passed by in a continuous band of humanity as we glided to my final destination. The wheels touched down with a screech when they hit the fairway and the jet taxied to the terminal.
I put my heels back where they felt most comfortable and debarked the plane. The walk to the baggage area wasn’t particularly long, but I felt the stares as I walked. I went into the ladies room and looked at my reflection in the mirror. I still looked presentable and wondered why I was on the receiving end of the stares. I turned to the full-length mirror and saw why. I was gorgeous, even if I say so myself. I touched up my lipstick and exited the room. I felt much better as I continued my stroll.
I was waiting for my luggage to come out of that mysterious chute in the center of the carrousel, when a man approached me.
“Excuse me Miss. I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but you’re the most stunning woman that I’ve seen in a long time,” he said.
I smiled and said, “Thank you.”
God, that line was so old, but I couldn’t fault the guy for trying.
The bell rang and the carrousel started to turn. My bag finally came into view and as I tried to reach for it, my new best friend removed it from the line for me.
“Here you go sweetie. You shouldn’t be lifting anything that heavy,” he said with a smile.
“Thank you, but the name’s not sweetie, its Cynthia,” I responded.
“Its nice to meet you Cynthia, I’m Carl. Let me take this to your ride for you. It’s much too heavy for you to carry,” he said.
The way he way staring at me was making me feel creepy. I was a little taller than he was, but then again I was wearing four-inch heels. Besides, if my bag was so heavy, how did I get it to the airport in the first place?
“Thanks anyway Carl, but I can handle it myself,” I replied, as I pulled the handle from the top and rolled the suitcase away. I turned back to watch a very dejected Carl, staring at my ass. Creep.
I went to the car rental booth and got the keys for the Mercedes I had rented. It was a GLK350. I like to style, so just shoot me. I placed my luggage in the rear of the car and closed the back hatch. So much for being too heavy for a pretty girl like me, I laughed.
I knew where I was going, but had never driven to Sonoma in my life. I programmed the GPS to my parent’s house and exited the garage.
The GPS took me to the 380, then the 280 and finally onto the 1 and the Golden Gate Bridge. It was a sparklingly clear day. I could see the whole bay area to the right and the Farallon Islands to my left. The view was spectacular. I could see why people would live here and nowhere else. My drive continued up through the tunnel and down the Waldo grade. My mind went blank to the scenery and focused on what was going to happen in forty-five minutes.
How would my parents be toward their new daughter? Would they accept me, or would this meeting turn in to another shouting match. If it did, at least I wouldn’t be running away to hitch a ride home, my Mercedes would see to that. I had told my mother that I wasn’t the same person that had left so many years before, which I wasn’t. The person on the inside was also the person on the outside, now. The transformation was complete.
My mind wandered back to that fateful night that I left. My parents were out to dinner and the lure of my mother’s cloths hooked me like a fish. I was into her finest gown before they had cleared the driveway. I posed and turned in front of the mirror that night. Little did I know that my father had forgotten his wallet and credit cards at home. My mother hadn’t brought hers with her so after arriving at the restaurant, he turned around after dropping my mother off to hold their table. I didn’t hear my father enter the house and I was stupid enough to be stand in the living room in all my glory. I thought my father’s eyes would pop out of his head when he saw me. He knew exactly who was standing in front of him. There was none of that,’oh, who are you?’ nonsense, but rather a look of disgust before he spoke.
“Take off your mother’s clothes and go to you room. We’ll discuss this when your mother and I get home,” he spat, turned and left the house.
I had never felt so degraded in my life as I did at that moment, I felt my eyes fill with tears and run down my face. God how could I have been so careless?
My eyes filled as I continued to drive and thought of how I felt that night. It was a nightmare I would never forget.
I removed the gown and sat in my room for hours until my parents returned from dinner. As the time moved slowly forward my emotions ran from fear to panic. What was going to happen to me now that my perversion was out in the open? I felt dirty and ashamed of my real feelings. I would alternate between crying and shaking in fear. Why did they have to take so long to get home? I think the wait was the worse torture they could have done to me.
The dreaded moment finally arrived as I heard the car pull into the driveway.
I had locked the door after my father left, so I jumped when I heard the key slide into the cylinder and the bolt retract.
“John, come here this instant,” my father yelled.
I rose from the bed and walked slowly to the living room.
My mother and father were standing in front of the couch.
“Sit,” my father ordered while pointing at the couch.
I sat without saying a word.
“What in the hell do you think you were doing when I came home?” he shouted.
I couldn’t think of what to say. Fear had taken any thoughts I had and destroyed them.
“Answer me, God damn it,” he screamed.
I was shaking by this time. The long wait and now this was all I could take.
I looked defiantly at my father and said, “Being me.”
“Don’t sass me boy. When I ask a question I expect and answer and not some mumbo jumbo about being yourself. Do you want me to ask you an easier question? I will. Why in the hell did you have your mother’s dress on?” he snarled.
“Because this is who I am, Dad,” I replied.
I pulled the car to the side of the road, tears streaming from my eyes as I remembered that horrible night. I gained control of my emotions and looked in the visor mirror. God, my makeup was ruined. I’d have to do some serious repair before I met my parents. I pulled back onto the highway and returned to my thoughts.
“Bullshit he yelled. You just wanted to jack off, didn’t you? You needed a girl, isn’t that right. I hope you didn’t mess up your mother’s dress, you perverted bastard,” he yelled at me.
My mother, to her credit hadn’t said anything yet, but that was about to change.
“How dare you wear my clothes, John? What were you thinking?”
“I’m sorry Mom, I didn’t think you would find out,” I mournfully said.
“I hope you didn’t stretch it out, God, I’m so embarrassed.”
“Mom, no one saw me other than dad. There’s no reason to be embarrassed,” I replied.
The slap came hard and fast. My father had struck me in the face. He hadn’t spanked me since I was a child. My eyes filled with tears as the fiery pain hit my face.
“And now you’re going to cry like a girl?” my father said.
“Yes Dad, I am, because that’s exactly what I am, a girl,” I screamed back at him.
“Bullshit, you’re no more a girl than I am.”
“Dad, I am a girl. I’m sorry you can’t see that, but this is what I am, a girl,” I said, as my voice grew louder.
“You’re not a girl, you’re a man, and a pretty poor excuse of one I might add,” he chuckled.
“You’re my parents. Can’t you see who I really am?” I implored.
“You’re nothing more than a pervert,” my mother answered.
“I’m not,” I screamed.
“You are, and if you can’t change, you’re no longer welcome in our house,” Dad said.
“Fine, fuck you mother and fuck you too Dad, fuck all of you,” I screamed as I ran from the house to begin the journey that brought me back to were I was today.
I was almost home. I pulled the car to the side of the road to repair the damage I had done earlier. I wondered why we women always found a way to destroy all the work we did to make ourselves look nice at the most inopportune time?
I parked the car in front of the house where I was raised. The lights were on and I could see that my father still wasn’t too old to put lights around the house and in the large fir tree in the front yard. It brought memories of a much nicer time. I checked my make up one more time before I exited the car. I felt as though my walk to the front door was to the executioner’s blade. I steeled myself and knocked on the door. My mother opened the door.
“Yes, may I help you?” she asked, when she saw me.
“Mom, its me,” I answered.
My mother paled when I said that. She had no idea that I had become a woman. Apparently she thought that I had come to my senses and became a man called John. We stood like that for what seemed like minutes, but I’m sure it was just seconds.
“Who is it Muriel?” my father shouted from the living room.
“Its, its,” she couldn’t answer.
“It’s me Dad,” I replied
“Me who?” he asked.
“It’s your son,” Mom finally answered.
When she said that I felt as though I had been kneed in the balls, if I still had them.
“Well, bring him in,” Dad replied.
“Uh, come in dear,” Mom said.
I stepped over the threshold and entered the house I had bolted from ten years ago. My heels clicked on the hardwood floor as I followed my mother to the living room and the executioner’s chamber.
My father was looking as I entered the room. The look of disappointment couldn’t be missed. Surely he was expecting a man, and when his daughter entered the room, I could see the look of defeat.
“Hi Dad,” I said.
It took a minute for him to gather himself, but he didn’t fail to disappoint me.
“What the fuck is this. Your mother said you changed. She said you came to your senses,” he snapped.
“Well hello to you too, Dad. Yes I have changed. I became who I am.” I answered with fire in my voice.
“Nonsense, go change and stop with this little joke of yours,” he said.
“Change into what father? I’m a woman now, one hundred percent. This is me, either you accept it, or I’m out of here,” I responded.
My father shook as he gathered his wits about him. As his son I had never talked back to him, but now, I was a woman, and pretty good one at that.
“Please don’t go, John, please, we can work this out,” my mother pleaded.
“Mother, before we go any farther, my name isn’t John anymore. I’m Cynthia Lynn McFadden. John was buried years ago.” I replied.
When my mother choked and fought tears I knew I had over stepped the boundaries of what I was trying to say. Being a businesswoman had made me hard in the sense that I could be very direct when it came to negotiations. I was trying to have my parents accept me, not make a business deal, and I had to remember that.
“You’re not dead, you’re my son, you always will be,” my father said.
“Dad, please listen to me, I’ve never been a boy. I tried, God knows I did, but it wasn’t me. I had to do this,” I said, moving my hands down my body.
“But why?” my mom asked.
“Because this is who I am. I’m sorry I didn’t live up to your expectations, but this is who I am,” I stated.
I was having trouble with what was happening. I had assumed that my parents would accept me with open arms after such a long time away, but I was mistaken. Nothing had changed since I had left.
“This is who you are?” my father asked. “And what do you do to support yourself? I’ve seen those paper ads. Are you a whore now? Isn’t that what your kind do?” he asked, with a sneer in his voice.
I wasn’t ready for that. How dare he say something like that? God, I’m a successful businesswoman, and he thinks I’m a whore? My skin crawled when he said what he had.
My eyes filled with tears. Nothing had changed since I left here ten years ago. My parents were the same. My Dad’s an asshole and my mother’s a doormat. It might be Christmas, but fuck them.
“I’m sorry I came,” I said. I pulled a business card from my purse and threw it on the table. “If one of you dies, call me, I’d like to send flowers.”
I ran from the house. I didn’t turn to look back. The memories would haunt me for as long as I lived, but I wouldn’t give then the satisfaction of seeing me cry.
I drove away from my parent’s house. I parked several blocks away and let the dam burst. I had been such a fool. Why would I think that my parents would change? I felt so stupid. Now I wondered where I would go? It wasn’t very late, just past seven.
I started the car and drove to a bed and breakfast in the area. What the hell, I thought. Maybe I can find something good after all.
I checked in and went to my room. No sense wallowing in my tears.
The room was large and very tastefully furnished. I was tired and would make the most of the king sized bed. I wanted to eat first, so I called the front desk to see if there was place open that might still be serving. They told me nothing was open, but I was more than welcome to join their family to celebrate Christmas. I accepted because I didn’t want to be alone after what had happened at my parents’.
I took a shower and changed my clothes. The shower made me feel much better as I washed my demons away. I changed into an ankle length skirt and blouse, but left my jacket on the bed. My flat sandals completed the look. I decided that I didn’t need to impress.
I walked into the lobby and was greeted by the owner of the establishment.
“Hi Cynthia, I’m Mark.”
“I’m pleased to meet you,” I said, as I extended my hand toward his.
“Come on and meet the family,” he said.
I followed him into a home connected to the lobby.
Mark was a tall man and about the same age as my father. He clean-shaven and his hair was well groomed. His smile was warm and I felt as though I had known him for all my life.
We entered the living area of his home and the sight of a large group of people greeted me. It was obvious that this was his family and they had gathered for Christmas. I felt strangely out of place.
The room was large and the walls had been plastered in a rough surface that was so popular in California during the forties. There were pictures and wall hangings covering most of the surfaces. A fire burned in the fireplace and it cast a warm glow throughout the room.
“Cynthia, this is my wife Marge,” he said.
“Hello, I’m very pleased to meet you,” I said.
“Welcome to our home Cynthia,” she said, and extended her hand toward mine. Her hand felt warm and loving. “Let me introduce you to the rest of the family.”
“Mom, this is Cynthia, she’ll be joining us for dinner tonight,” Marge said.
“Are you a friend of Darren’s’,” she asked.
“No mom, she doesn’t know Darren. She’s staying in one of the rooms and is alone tonight, and everyone knows you shouldn’t be alone at Christmas,” she said.
“It’s nice to meet you,” I responded.
“You’re very pretty young lady, and since my daughter forgot, you can call me Betty,” she said.
“Don’t mind my mother, she’s a bit of a spitfire, but I guess being eighty-three gives her a right to be feisty at times,” she laughed.
She took my hand and led me to a group of young adults that appeared to be my age.
“Cynthia, this is Darren, Mark Jr., Stacy, Judy, and Vivian,” she said. Kids, this is Cynthia, I’m sorry, but I didn’t catch your last name?”
“Its McFadden, Cynthia McFadden.”
“Darren and Mark are our sons and Vivian is our daughter. Stacy is Darren’s fiancée and Judy is Mark’s wife. Those two little cyclones running around are their sons Chad and Steven,” Marge finished.
“What brings you to Sonoma, Cynthia?” Judy asked.
Judy was an attractive woman and appeared to be in her mid thirties, several pounds overweight, but childbirth can do that to a woman. Her smile was warm and I liked her immediately.
“Just some business I was taking care of,” I replied. I hoped the mist in my eyes wouldn’t betray me.
“McFadden, I remember a Johnny McFadden, we went to school together. He was a nice kid, disappeared about ten years ago. You wouldn’t be related?” Darren asked.
I looked at Darren and then I remembered who he was. Darren Colson, the star running back in high school. He was a nice kid as I recall. I had been on the football team too. I played wide receiver, tall and skinny and not particularly fast.
“Um, no,” I replied.
“Too bad. It would have been nice to have another pretty girl in town,” he laughed.
I blushed at his remark, and it wasn’t lost on Stacy.
“Stop embarrassing her Darren,” she said, and grabbed his arm to let me know he was taken.
I was at a crossroad. I had always been open about my transition and yet I wasn’t sure I should say anything about it tonight? Maybe when we finished dinner and the Colsons’ had gotten to know me better.
“Come on kids, time to eat,” Marge said.
I followed the family into a spacious dinning room. There was a long table covered with food, ham and turkey and all the fixings. I could see I would gain a few extra pounds tonight, but what the heck it was Christmas.
I listened to all the talk about the Colson family and wondered what things might have been if my parents weren’t so closed minded. I felt special being included in the closeness of this family. It was the first time in years that it felt like Christmas. Marge, being the good hostess that she was, realized that I had been left out of the conversation and she tried to get me involved.
“We’ve been rude Cynthia, please tell us more about yourself. We’ve been talking all about ourselves and forgot that you were even here,” she apologized.
“I don’t mind,” I replied.
“Nonsense, you’re almost part of the family now that you’ve spent Christmas with us,” she said. “Where do you live?”
“I live in Atlanta,” I said. “I just bought a house there so I guess I’ll be staying for a while,” I laughed.
“What do you do there?” Darren asked.
“I own an interior design firm called Cynthia McFadden and Associates. We just landed a huge contract with a national chain of banks to remodel all their branches. That’s why I came here, to tell my parents,” I said, proudly.
I suddenly realized that I had made a mistake with that statement. I had told my hosts that I was here on business and not visiting family.
Darren didn’t miss my error.
“I thought you were here on business?” he asked.
I felt my face turning red. I had been caught in a lie. Now was the time to rectify what I had done.
“It was business of a sort, but it didn’t work out. I had come back to Sonoma to try to set things right with my parents,” I said, as my eyes filled with tears once again.
“Darren, what did you do?” his mother asked.
“I just asked her a question mom,” he replied.
“Its nothing Darren did, Marge,” I sniffed. “Let me explain. Remember when Darren asked if John McFadden and I were related and I said no?”
“Yes,” she answered.
“Technically we aren’t. I was John McFadden ten years ago, before I became the person I am today.”
When I said that, you could have heard a pin drop in the room. I waited for the insults and anger to spew from their lips. After my parents, I was ready for it. I would just stand and leave. There wouldn’t be any argument from me. The only thing betraying my bravado were the tears streaming down my cheeks.
“Come here child,” Betty said, and she opened her arms to take as if I were her own child.
I went to her and collapsed in her arms. She rocked me and shushed as the tears flowed. It took several minutes before I composed myself.
“You sit next to me,” she said, and patted the empty seat where Judy had been sitting. “Now tell us everything about yourself, and why you aren’t spending Christmas with your parents.”
I sat and pretty much gave them the history from the time I left until I returned, including to horrible exchange with my parents hours before.
“My God, you poor thing,” Betty said. “How could a parent do such a thing to their daughter?”
“Couldn’t they see how you were aching inside?” Vivian asked.
“They didn’t want to know. All they wanted was something I was not.”
“I don’t get it,” Mark said. “If I were your father I’d be the proudest man in the world. You’re successful, beautiful, and a nice person too, what’s not to love about you?”
“I can’t believe you were Johnny McFadden. You’re really beautiful as a woman,” Darren said.
I smiled slightly when I saw Stacy’s elbow bump his ribs.
“Well, I think your parents are fools. Come here Cynthia,” Marge said and took me in her arms to hold me tight. Yep the tears flowed again.
I stopped crying and because I wasn’t wearing a lot of makeup, repairs weren’t necessary. I helped clear the table and pretty much became part of the family. There were questions as how I became Cynthia, but it wasn’t contentious, but more of a curiosity of how a man could become a woman.
There were questions about my love life and I admitted to being in a relationship with my sweet boyfriend. There wasn’t shock or horror with my choices, but approval. Why couldn’t my own parents react this way?
As the evening wore on it was time to open presents. The family gathered around the Christmas tree and Mark played Santa. Marge left the room for a few moments and returned with a nicely wrapped gift and placed it under the tree. Mark continued handing out gifts and much to my surprise there was one for me. That’s why Marge had snuck off.
I opened the wrapping and found a framed photo of Mark and Marge. It wasn’t much but it meant the world to me.
“Wait,” I whispered through the lump in my throat and ran from the room.
“Where’s she going?” Judy asked.
I went to my room and found my parent’s gifts tucked neatly at the bottom of my suitcase. The tags read Mom and Dad. I wouldn’t change them for obvious reasons. Mark and Marge had become parents to me.
I returned with the gifts and placed them under the tree.
“These are for you, Mark and Marge. I’m sorry I don’t have gifts for the rest of you, but I didn’t know I would become part of such a large family. I’ll plan for all of you next year,” I said.
Mark handed Marge her gift and they both opened the card that came with them. They were both nice sentimental Hallmark cards to a parent and I could see Marge’s eyes fill with tears. She knew the hurt I had gone through and wanted to protect me from having it happen again.
Mark was having the same effect. I smiled when his hand went to his eye to wipe away a tear.
They both opened their present at the same time. Marge gasped when she saw the real diamond necklace that I had bought for my mother. Mark was equally surprised.
“Cynthia, we can’t accept these. They’re much to expensive,” Marge said.
“You can and you will. I bought these for my parents, and you two have been more like a father and mother to me than my birth parents have ever been. You accepted me for who I am, and brought me into your family as if I were a real daughter to you. I love you both so much, and, yeah I love all of the rest of you too,” I said looking at the rest of the family.
“Whoo, hoo, I finally have a pretty sister,” Darren exclaimed, as he turned and ran from the room with Vivian in hot pursuit.
“You’d better run. I can’t help it if Cynthia’s prettier than me, but I’m certainly no dog, you creep,” Vivian laughed.
“God, don’t those two ever stop?” Mark laughed. “Hey you guys, come on back in here. It’s time for our Christmas prayer.”
“What’s that?” I asked Betty.
“It’s a tradition my husband and I started years ago, before Marge was born. It’s our way of saying thanks to the Almighty for blessing our family.”
“Come on guys, circle around.”
Everyone gathered in a circle and held hands. Vivian was on my right and Mark on my left. We all bowed our heads.
“Dear Lord, we thank you on the day of your birth for the kindness you’ve bestowed on our family this year. Mostly though I would like to thank you for bringing us Cynthia, a girl who needs a family. Thank you dear lord, in your name we pray, amen.”
The prayer wasn’t long but what Mark had said about becoming part of this family meant more to me than anything else that had happened this evening. This was the best gift anyone could have given me.
It was early Christmas morning and Mark Jr. and Judy bid us goodbye. Mark had a bike to assemble and he wouldn’t be getting much sleep before the sun came up. Darren drove Stacy home and I rose to go to my room.
“Mark and Marge, I want to thank you so much for making me part of your family. It’s truly the best gift anyone has ever given me, I love you both,” I said.
“And we love you too Cynthia, goodnight dear girl,” Marge said, as she kissed my cheek goodnight.
This had become the best Christmas of my life. I was home and was accepted for who I was, Cynthia Lynn McFadden, a girl from Sonoma.
Lashes
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Lashes
By
Arecee
Chapter 0ne
As far back as I could remember, my Mom and I had a ritual when she made up her face. She would apply mascara to my lashes. I would giggle and laugh and she would join me in the merriment. There was nothing sexual about it, nor did she treat me like a girl, it was just our little thing.
“Mark, honey, you have such beautiful lashes,” she would gush.
I would bat my lashes at her and say, “Really Mommy?”
“Honey you make your mother jealous. You have the longest lashes, they’re just beautiful, my pretty, pretty boy.”
I’d blush and run to my father and his reaction was to laugh.
“I swear, I think your mother wants a girl,” he’d say.
“Daddy, mom’s just goofing, that’s all.”
“I know Mark, come on, let’s go play ball.”
That’s what we did, played ball. I would try to throw, but at three it didn’t go far.
My father and I would play together everyday, teaching me how to kick a soccer ball properly, throw a baseball with accuracy, pass a football in a perfect spiral and how to be a real boy. Obviously these lessons went on for years so my game with Mom really didn’t affect me one way or the other. It was just a game she played with her little boy with long lashes.
We started camping when I was five. Dad was in his element and couldn’t wait to teach me how to fish. He taught me how to read a stream and where the fish lived, how to catch the fish and how to clean them. Mom taught both Dad and me the best way to cook the trout we caught. These were some of the best years of my life.
As the years passed the frequency of my mother’s ritual decreased. When I was three we would do it almost everyday. By the time I was seven it was maybe twice a week and at ten twice a month. Being perfectly honest with myself, I did miss the frequency, but then again I was a boy and I didn’t want to seem too girly.
When I was three there wasn’t girly or masculine, it was just mascara being applied to my lashes, nothing more, but as I grew older I knew mascara was for girls and not for boys. Funny thing though, my parents never made the distinction about gender and mascara to me, it was what it was, a black cream that went on lashes.
I think my knowledge of male and female came from my peers. I was never a big boy, but as the saying goes, I was tough as nails. Other boys would tease me for being too skinny and being in the shorter half of my class, assumed I would be a pushover for bullying.
Bullying was something that took place everyday in every grade in school. The bullies were always kids from families that didn’t pay enough attention to their children. Some were rich and some were poor, but they always had a common stream, they starved for attention.
By the time I was in second grade our class bully had done little things to me almost everyday to instill a wall of fear. The thing is, I didn’t fear, Frank, the bully, but thought he was a jerk. I think the reason was that I was very confident of myself. My father taught me how to box when I was four years old and we had sparred for three years. I love my dad and he loved me, which was why he was raising me as a man.
“It will never hurt you to know how to box, son, and maybe it will come in handy some day,” he said, as we weaved and jabbed.
Dad was always careful not to hurt me, but let me know each punch could hurt if not blocked properly.
Getting back to Frank, he decided to step up his torment on the smaller kids in the class, me included. Frank was tall for his age and was almost a head taller than me. The class had been dismissed for lunch and most of the kids still brought their lunches and ate outside in the schoolyard. Frank and his gang of three left after everyone else and started to run down the line slapping lunches from the students hands, both boys and girls. My lunch was knocked to the ground and the paper bag split open, spilling the contents in all directions.
“Hey, why’d you do that?” I yelled.
Frank stopped on a dime and turned to face me.
“What did you say?” he asked, with a growl.
“You knocked my lunch out of my hands and want to know why you did it?”
“Because I can, twerp,” he responded, shoving me backwards.
“Don’t do that.”
“Yeah, you going to make me stop?”
“If I have to.”
That was the wrong thing to say. Frank pulled his arm back and let fly with a punch in my direction. Funny thing about boxing, if you do enough of it, you can pretty much tell when and where a punch is coming from, and Frank had a telegraph attached to his right hand. Stepping back from the punch was easy as was his second try to connect. As his hand sailed by the second time, I slammed my fist into his stomach and quickly connected with a left hand to his mouth.
It seemed as though Frank became a statue as the shock and pain became known to his brain. Tears welled in his eyes before he ran off sobbing. So much for the big bad bully I sniggered to myself. Frank left me alone after that, deciding to pick on someone who wouldn’t fight back, mainly girls.
I would watch him bothering some of the other students and glare at him, which made him pack up his group and move on to the first grade students. I soon became one of the popular kids in class with both the boys and girls.
Depending on my mood, I would eat with the boys one day and the girls the next. When I was with the boys we’d do the usual boy things, grunting and making fart noises and just be little boys. When I ate with the girls I would giggle with the best of them. I found I rather like the feminine part of my personality. I might have been tough as nails, but I did have a softer side too, one I very much enjoyed.
As the school year progressed my circle of close friends grew to about four or five of boys and girls. My best boy friends were Jack, Billy, Stanley, Warren and Theo. The girls were Rebecca, Marcy, Lori, Rachel, and Cindy.
As time passed Cindy became my best friend, boy or girl and we would tell everything to each other, even the most intimate of secrets.
During boy time, I was able to spend time with my boy friends and do all the things boys do, play king of the mountain, tag and war. I would get dirty with the best of them. When I spent time with the girls, my activities were different. We would play Jacks, hop scotch, and jump rope. No I didn’t play with dolls, Barbie or other wise. I didn’t think I was a girl nor did I want to be one, or so I thought.
Before I go much farther I should say where I live. My home is in a town called Colfax, California. Colfax is in the Sierra foothills east of Sacramento. It’s known for being the place where the first stage robbery took place during the gold rush. To me it’s a wonderful place to live as it’s almost like living in the wilderness. The thing that shatters that thought is that Interstate 80 runs right through the middle of town.
My family lives at the edge of town and my friend Cindy lives three houses away from me. Jack and Billy live close by but for some reason I feel closer to Cindy and not because she lives close to me. As I said we share our closest thoughts and there is many a day we wander the forest near our homes.
Cindy is my closest friend. I know I already said that, but I want to make sure you know how close we have become. Cindy is the prettiest girl I know. She’s four inches taller than me, has long blonde hair and the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen. I wouldn’t say Cindy is a girly girl, but she’s close. She plays sports and is on several teams, soccer and basketball. She’s not an all-star and she plays to please her parents.
Being a small town there isn’t much to do, for kids or parents and the interaction between parents with children in sports drew her parents like moths to a flame.
Parents watch their children play, but it’s more about socializing rather than watching their kids play a game. Cindy’s parents were that way. I’m not saying they didn’t like watching her play, but the parties with other parents were much easier to attend than watching a bunch of kids trying to have fun while a parent screams to pass the ball to their kid.
“I can’t wait until I’m too old to play these games,” Cindy lamented.
“Aren’t you having fun?” I asked.
“Not really. My mom and dad sign me up every year without even asking if I want to play anymore. I know I’m not a very good player but they say it’s good for me to compete. I’d rather read a book or walk in the forest. I hate playing soccer.”
“You’re not that bad.”
“Yes I am, and how would you know? Have you ever seen me play?”
“Once.”
“When?”
“I think you were seven.”
“God Mark, that was three years ago.”
“You weren’t that bad.”
Cindy chuckled at that thought. “God we all were. I could barely kick the ball. Don’t you remember, you were just as bad as me?”
“I guess, but we’ve both improved. I’m an all-star now, so I’m sure you’re really not all that bad?”
“I am, and I’m not like you. You practice all the time, juggling or what ever you call it. I have no desire for that and I have other things on my mind.”
“What other things?”
“You know my mom was a model before she married my father. Well, she wants me to try to be one too, and I really want to try.”
“But why?”
“Because it will be something a girl does. I want to feel special at something, just not sports.”
“You’ll be very good at it,” I responded. “You’re the prettiest girl I know.”
“Thank you. You won’t be angry if I’m not playing soccer anymore like my best friend?”
“What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t want what you wanted? I love you Cindy.”
We hugged for the third time that day. It wasn’t a boy hugging a girl, but two best friends showing their support for each other.
“Come on,” she said, “I want to show you something.”
She grabbed my hand and led me through a thicket of small trees and brush until we reached a small clearing with a stunted oak tree in the center.
“What?” I asked.
“Just watch,” she whispered.
Cindy and I sat in the dry grass at the edge of the clearing. The quiet stillness drew our attention to the tree in the center of the clearing. Every sense I had, became more aware of the part of nature we were witnessing. Subtle aromas of dry leaves and grass permeated the air we breathed so quietly. Every movement of every leaf drew our watchful gaze. Finally the moment Cindy had brought me to witness, our reason for being here, a bird flew into the clearing and landed in the tree, a piece of dry grass hanging from its beak.
The bird hopped up onto a junction of three branches and deposited the straw onto a small pile of other debris, fluffed it around and flew off for another find for her nest.
“She’s making a nest,” Cindy whispered.
“It’s beautiful,” I replied, and it was.
We sat mesmerized for the next hour as the tiny bird came and went, followed by its mate. There was something wonderful and private watching this ritual with my best friend, not a boy or girl, but two people loving nature together.
We left the clearing and walked back toward our homes, Cindy and me, best friends for life. We hadn’t said a word for several minutes until Cindy spoke.
“Do you think Barry Randle is cute?”
“Why?”
“He keeps looking at me and, well, I think he is.”
I should mention Cindy had started down her long road of puberty. She had been growing as of late and her features had softened noticeably, but I wondered why she would ask me my opinion of another boy. I guess being a best friend makes one forget about ones sex, but only wants the opinion her closest friend.
“Yes, I think he is,” I opined.
“Oh, good. I was so afraid you might not like him.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know, maybe you think someone is cuter or something.”
“Cindy, I’m your best friend and all I want is for you to be happy, I love you.”
That gained our fourth hug of the day.
Lashes - Chapter 2
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Chapter two
Several weeks passed when the incident that would change my life happened. I was working on homework and a special project Cindy and I were doing together. It was a science project and we wanted to share what we had been observing at the clearing for the last two weeks. The birds had laid their eggs and we were waiting for them to hatch.
Mom was going to go to the store and was putting on her makeup and called me into her room.
“Come here Mark. Let me do your eyes,” she said, holding out the mascara wand in her hand. To this day I still loved the way we played our little game.
“Wait, let me try something different,” she said, trading the mascara for an eyelash curler.
I sat like a good boy should and let Mom curl my lashes before she applied the mascara. She had just finished the third coat when there was a knock on the front door of our house.
The door opened and Cindy shouted as she entered, “It’s me.”
“We’re up here Cindy,” Mom replied, as the door slammed shut. I was still in that moment where the special feelings between my mother and I made me not even think of what would happen when Cindy saw me with mascara for the first time. I might mention Cindy and I would regularly enter each other’s home without waiting for someone to open the door for us, our friendship was just that way. She entered my mother’s room and stopped. I thought her eyes would pop out of her head when she saw me. She let out a small squeal and ran to me, taking me in her arms and hugged me for at least a minute.
Pushing me back, she said, “You’re beautiful.”
“Its just mascara, Cindy.”
“It’s not that, you’re absolutely beautiful, God, those eyes, oh Mark, I’m so jealous.”
“Its just the mascara Cindy, my mom could do the same to you.”
“Mark, your lashes are so much longer than mine, there would be no way.”
“Mom, please do Cindy’s lashes and show here that she will look the same as me.”
“I’ll try, but honey, your lashes are so long that I can’t think of a person that would look as pretty as you.”
Mom curled Cindy’s lashes and then applied the mascara. We stood side by side in front of the mirror on Mom’s vanity. It was then that I knew, I was beautiful. Cindy was gorgeous, but I had something special and I was beautiful. My eyes stood out like beacons in the night, and as much as I hated to admit it, I was prettier than my best friend.
“Mark, why didn’t you tell me?” she asked.
“Cause it was just something Mom and I did, it was our little thing.”
“Have you ever dressed up like a girl?”
“Good grief no, I’m a boy. Mom’s been doing this for as long as I can remember. It’s just a game.”
Cindy looked and then dropped the subject. It would be our little secret.
We both turned eleven and nothing was ever said again about the mascara incident. Cindy started to model clothing for several online distributors of girls clothing and was making some decent money. We would spend hours on line comparing her to the other child models in her age group and she would tell me about the clothing she was wearing, how it felt and looked, whether she liked it or not. I would agree or comment as if I was her best girlfriend not her best friend, but girlfriend. This became my life when I wasn’t with the guys I hung with during school and sometimes after. I might have been Cindy’s best girlfriend, but I was still tough as nails, Mark, when I was with the boys in my crowd. Frank had decided I was fodder once more but changed his mind after I gave him a bloody nose. He never bothered me again, even after I had my big break. That break came a year later.
Cindy and I were as close as ever. I knew every boy she adored and every one that broke her heart. I knew every feeling she had from her first kiss until her last. She would come to my house and we would sit side-by-side pouring out our deepest thoughts while she polished her nails or I would do her toes for her. Girl friends did that.
“Let me do yours?” she would ask.
“No way Cindy. I’m your best friend, not a nail model,” I giggled.
“It won’t hurt.”
“It might if I went to school with polish on, no.”
And that was that. Cindy knew where to draw the line, as did I. I was still a boy, a very pretty one, but still a boy. That was about to change.
I had just turned twelve when the big break came. As I had mentioned, Cindy’s mom had gotten her into modeling. Being a former model herself, she had the connections to succeed. Some how after one of Cindy’s modeling shoots her mother asked if she knew of anyone pretty enough to be a model. Apparently if she found someone and that person signed a contract she would get a finders fee for her service.
Cindy laughed and her mother asked what was so funny?
“The only person I can think of is Mark.”
“Mark James?”
“Yes Mark. He’s the prettiest person I know.”
“But he’s a boy.”
“I know Mom, that’s why I’m laughing.”
Gloria, Cindy’s mom was silent for a moment as she thought about her daughter’s best friend. She pictured his face and his soft features and thought about those eyelashes she so easily overlooked on her daughter’s best friend, a boy. Maybe, just maybe there might be something there. It wouldn’t hurt to ask.
“Cindy, do you think Mark might want to become a model?”
“I don’t know, he never mentioned it.”
“How did you find out he was so pretty?”
“It was by accident. I went to his house and his mother called me up stairs and it was just after she had put mascara on him.”
“Why would she do that?”
“He told me it was a game he and his mother have been playing since he was a little boy because his lashes were so long. It was just a game and nothing was meant by it.”
“Do you think he would let me put a little makeup on him?”
“I don’t know why not?”
“Would you ask him for me?”
“Sure Mom.”
Cindy returned home from her trip and called me the minute she walked into her house.
“Mark,” she said, when I answered the phone.
“Hi Cin, what’s up?”
“God I had so much fun this trip,” she gushed. “It was different than the last time. We even had lunch with the woman who owns the product line I modeled. Her clothes are soooo nice.”
“Tell me about them.”
“No come over and I’ll show you.”
“Okay, be there in a minute.” I said, and put the phone down.
“Mom, I’m going over to Cindy’s,” I yelled, as I ran through the door.
“Be home for dinner.”
“Yes Mom.”
A minute later I knocked on Cindy’s front door.
“Come in Mark,” I heard her mother say.
Opening the door, I said, “Hi, Mrs. Meyer.”
“Hi, Mark, Cindy’s up stairs in her room.”
“Thanks.”
Now, normally a parent wouldn’t let a boy go to their daughter’s bedroom, but both my parents and Cindy’s knew I really wasn’t a boy, but her best friend. Oh sure, I was a boy, but not when it came to Cindy, I was the person she trust most in the world and she had had more than one discussion with her parents about me and our special relationship. She also confided her feelings for other boys sexually and as she said I was her best girlfriend and there was never any sexual feelings, on her or my part. We were best friends, period. I couldn’t help noticing Mrs. Meyer staring at me as I ran up the stairs to Cindy’s room.
“Hey,” I said, as I entered her room.
“I have so much to tell you. Just wait until you see the modeling disc they gave me from the shoot. I have it in my desktop. Let me turn it on.”
Cindy loaded the disc and started it playing.
Her first outfit was a dress. It was obvious that it was for someone older as the length stopped above mid-thigh, and she was wearing heels. Her makeup made her look much older and she was gorgeous. I noticed too that she now had a much different figure than when she left two days before.
“Oh Cindy, your gorgeous,” I gushed.
“Don’t you just love it?”
“I do, but how did you get your figure?”
“They padded it,” she said, as she turned and posed confidently on the screen. “Even you could have curves like that if you wanted?”
“Why would I want curves, I’m a boy.”
“No you’re not, you’re my best girlfriend and you know it.”
“I’m still a boy.”
“Not when you’re around me when we’re alone.”
“Only because I fee like a girl when I’m with you. What we have is special.”
Cindy hugged me. I guess girls never tire of hugging and it makes us feel good. Us? What am I thinking?
The disc ran for forty minutes with both of us commenting on the fashions. If something didn’t look good I said so and if they did I also commented. We were just two girlfriends growing into women, well Cindy was and I was on for the ride.
“What do you think?” she asked.
“I loved it.”
“How would you like to do the same thing?”
“What?”
“How would you like to model?”
“You mean boy’s clothes?”
“No, girl’s.”
“How could I do that, I’m a boy.”
“You could with my mom’s help.”
“That’s just plain silly Cindy.”
“No it’s not. Please let my mom do something with you. I’ll be fun?”
“You promise?”
“Mark, you’re my best friend. I would never do anything to hurt you.”
“I know.”
Yep it was hugs time again.
Cindy and I went back down to see her mother and I would have an idea of what she wanted to do.
“Mom, Mark says he’ll let you do what ever it is you want to do,” Cindy said.
“Oh Mark, we’re going to have so much fun,” Mrs. Meyer said.
“What do you want to do?” I asked.
“You’ll see, but mainly I want to take some pictures of you. First I’ll take ones of you without any makeup on and then I’ll go to work on you,” she laughed.
Mrs. Meyer took several pictures of me, from the front and side with her digital camera. When she finished she showed Cindy and me the pictures. Yep, they look just like me, I thought.
“You know, you have beautiful eyes, even without makeup,” she said, in an almost reverent tone of voice.
“Now I want to try something different. Let me put this wig on your head,” she said, removing an auburn wig from a Styrofoam stand.
She placed it carefully on my head and brushed it out. Glancing in the mirror I realized I no longer looked like a boy, but a girl with a very grown up hairstyle. Mrs. Meyer took more pictures of me with the wig on my head. Next came the eyelash curler and mascara, more pictures, and then she went all out. I had no idea so much work went into looking pretty, eye shadow, three different shades, eyeliner, more mascara, eyebrow pencil with the promise that if what she thought would happen she would pluck my brows to clean them up. Lipstick and gloss followed until she said she was done. More pictures followed from every angle possible. Mrs. Meyer had covered the mirror after my first look at myself without makeup and I was dying to see the pictures. The whole time Cindy had watched on silently.
“Mom, show, Mark, the pictures.”
“Okay, Mark are you ready to see the next big name in modeling?”
“I guess.”
Naturally I was curious as to what I looked like after all the work Cindy’s mom had done to my face. To say I didn’t recognize the woman in the photo would be an understatement. I was beautiful and I looked like I was twenty years old.
“I can’t believe that’s me.”
“Believe it Mark, you’re going to make some waves, girl.”
“But, I’m not a girl Mrs. Meyers.”
“You might not think so, but your pictures say something else.”
I removed the cover from the mirror and just stared at myself. There were no words to express the feelings I had at that moment. I was beautiful and my best girlfriend had shown me just how pretty I could be. After seeing my image in the mirror I had no doubt I was my best friend’s girlfriend no matter how much I tried to convince myself I was a boy. When I finally smiled at myself in the mirror, I knew I would be breaking hearts.
“Okay Mark, it’s time to remove your makeup. I’m sure you don’t want to go home looking like a super model, I’m not sure your mother would understand.”
Mrs. Meyer removed my makeup and sent me home a half of an hour later. I was still in awe from what I had seen. I had always thought Cindy was the prettiest girl I knew, but after seeing myself, God this was so messed up, I was way prettier than her. At least I can still she’s the prettiest girl I know since I’m still a boy.
Lashes - Chapter 3
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When I’m with my boy friends at school, or anywhere else, no one questions who I am, even with my pretty face. It’s no wonder Frank the bully thought I was an easy mark, looking the way I do. I may be pretty, but I’m still not a sissy, just ask Frank and any of the other kids who look to me for protection.
As I’ve said already, I’m tough as nails, and I’ll do anything, any other boy will do. I’ve had the scrapes to prove it. Maybe that’s why I don’t object to looking like a pretty girl.
Who’s going to tease me about it?
Certainly not Frank or his cronies.
Chapter Three
Several weeks passed since our little game at Cindy’s house. I was just getting over how pretty I was when the phone rang.
“Hello.”
“Mark, quick, come over. My mom has something to tell you.”
Remembering the last time Mrs. Meyer got involved in my life I couldn’t help wonder what she had in mind.
“Come in Mark,” Cindy yelled, when I knocked on the door. “We’re in the kitchen.”
I walked back to the kitchen and saw Cindy and Mrs. Meyer sitting at the table with photos spread over the top of it.
“What are you looking at?” I asked.
“Your pictures. God Mark, I’m so jealous. You’re beautiful,” Cindy gushed.
“Come on Cindy, I’m not that pretty.”
“Oh but you are, look.”
I looked at the pictures Mrs. Meyer had taken of me and for some reason they looked different on paper. I still had a hard time believing they were pictures of me. Cindy was right; I was beautiful, drop dead gorgeous. To say it kind of creeped me out would be an understatement. The first picture was easy to see me, because it was, just me, no makeup. The only thing that bothered me about the picture was I still was pretty in an understated way.
“What can you tell me about that photo, Mark?” Mrs. Meyer asked.
“It’s me and except for my hair I look like a girl.”
“Beside looking like a girl what else do you see?”
“My eyes are kind of pretty and my lips are kind of, I don’t know, puffy?”
Mrs. Meyer giggled when I said that.
“Those are called full lips, Mark. Women all around the world have things put in their lips to look like that.”
“Oh.”
“Now, look at the next picture, the one with the wig, what do you see?”
“Me again, but I look more like a girl.”
“Good, now look at the picture with just the mascara.”
I looked and saw what a dramatic in my appearance my eyes made. There was no mistaking me for anything other than a girl, a really pretty one at that.
“What do you think now?” Mrs. Meyer asked.
“I’m beautiful.”
“Yes you are and with hardly any makeup on at all. Mark, you’re a natural. Now look at the last photo, the one with all the makeup. What do you think?”
What could I think?
I was gorgeous.
I looked like one of those models in Cindy’s Teen Magazine. Being truthful I was prettier than any of those models, which pretty much sucked. I’m a boy for God’s sake and I’m not supposed to look that pretty. I know Cindy’s my best friend, and I’m hers, and she calls me her best girlfriend, but we both know I’m really a boy, even though we carry on as though I was really female.
When I’m with my boy friends at school, or anywhere else, no one questions who I am, even with my pretty face. It’s no wonder Frank the bully thought I was an easy mark, looking the way I do. I may be pretty, but I’m still not a sissy, just ask Frank and any of the other kids who look to me for protection. As I’ve said already, I’m tough as nails, and I’ll do anything, any other boy will do. I’ve had the scrapes to prove it. Maybe that’s why I don’t object to looking like a pretty girl, who’s going to tease me about it, certainly not Frank or his cronies?
“Mrs. Meyer, I don’t know what I should say. To be honest that’s the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen and can’t believe it’s me. A boy shouldn’t be that pretty.”
“Well, you are, Mark, and that’s why I asked you over here today. As you know, I used to be a model, and Cindy is one now. I know you share her experiences when you talk about her photo shoots, after all you’re best friends. Getting to the point, I showed your photos to the modeling agency that represents Cindy, and signed me when I was still in the business. I’ve maintained a relationship with the agency, which is why I showed them your pictures. Do you know what they said?”
“No, maybe a boy shouldn’t be that pretty?”
“No Mark, that’s not what they said. They want to sign you as soon as possible. They’re exact words were, you could be bigger than Cindy Crawford.”
“Who’s Cindy Crawford?” I asked.
“You don’t know who Cindy Crawford is? Oh Mark, she was just the most popular model in the business. Every girl I knew wanted to be Cindy Crawford. How do you think my Cindy got her name? Cindy was the only name I would consider for my daughter, but never mind, getting back to you. My agency has shown your picture to several clients and do you know what they said?”
“No.”
“They said they had to have you, you, a boy who doesn’t know who Cindy Crawford is. Mark, Lush Cosmetics has already said they will pay you what ever you want, with in reason, to represent their products. Do you have any idea of how much money we’re talking about here?”
“No.”
You could see the excitement in Mrs. Meyer’s eyes as she spoke to me. I hadn’t the vaguest idea of what she was talking about. Lush Cosmetics, Cindy Crawford, how much money, it was making my head spin. God, all I am is a boy with a pretty face and to be honest, I liked being a boy. My dad and I did things girls just wouldn’t understand, like play ball just to throw it back and forth, or kick a soccer ball and try to score a goal off one another. It would be the same as asking a boy what girls saw in playing with dolls. Girls play with dolls and boys don’t.
Why do you think the Ken doll was such a dismal failure? Ken was a doll and boys don’t relate to dolls, even macho Ken dolls. We need real events for fun whereas girls are more intuitive, their efforts softer than boys. I considered myself lucky for being Cindy’s best friend and I was able to play like a girl, yet still fish and play ball like any other boy. I truly had the best of both worlds.
“Mark, one million dollars wouldn’t be out of the question, even for someone like you that’s never modeled before and that’s just the start. Other companies will line up for you to feature their lines. By the time you graduate from high school you could be worth over ten million dollars. Now wouldn’t that be a nice nest egg for college?”
“You’re just teasing me, aren’t you Mrs. Meyer. They do know I’m a boy don’t they?”
“No, we haven’t gotten that far just yet.”
“What do you think they will say when they find out?”
“There’s no reason for them to know you’re a boy. You’re a minor and would never have all your clothes off in front of anyone. You’re what twelve?”
“Yes.”
“So that’s it, and besides, all they want to use is your face. The only time you’d even have to wear anything remotely female would be during photo shoots. The rest of the time you could be Mark. It would be our little secret.”
“Being a boy isn’t a very small secret Mrs. Meyer, and beside, I doubt my mom and dad would let me do this anyway.”
“Why wouldn’t they? Your mom and dad are very open-minded and when they hear how much money you could be making, they just might see things differently. Wasn’t your mother the one who put mascara on you in the first place?”
“It’s just a little game we played. My mom, doesn’t want me to suddenly become a girl, it was just a game. Cindy just happened to come by after she put the mascara on. If she hadn’t it still would be our secret.”
“Does your father know about your game?”
“Of course. I used to run to him after mom put the mascara on my eyes. He laughed and thought it was funny and said he thought mom wanted a girl and then we would go play ball. It was nothing as far as he was concerned.”
“So, both your parents have no issues with you wearing makeup?”
“It was just mascara and no they wouldn’t mind. I think they would mind if the rest of the world saw me with makeup on.”
“And why’s that?”
“Because I’m a boy.”
“And one who could be making a ton of money wearing it. Look Mark, I’m not asking you to change your sex or anything like that. I’m just stating the facts that you’re probably one of the most beautiful people on the planet, and it’s a waste not to do something with your beauty.”
I was getting uncomfortable talking about this. I’m too young to make decisions like this. Millions of dollars is just numbers and I had no idea of what that kind of money could buy. I know my boy friends and I would see a car like a Ferrari and typically say, ‘man, I wish I had a car like that’, but that was just boy talk, we all did it. We couldn’t even drive one for four more years and we had no idea of the cost of one. It was fantasy.
“I have to go home Mrs. Meyer, thanks for all you’ve done for me.”
“Bring these photos with you and talk to your parents. Tell your mom I’ll give her a ring tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
I gathered the photos and tucked them under my arm. I would have folded them but I didn’t want to ruin them. Now all I had to do was show them to my parents.
“I’m home,” I yelled, as I entered the house.
Mom was cleaning the living room and saw the collection of photos under my arm.
“What’s that?” she asked.
“Nothing,” I stammered.
“They look like pictures. Did Cindy give them to you?”
“Umm, yes.”
“Let me see.”
“Not now, Mom.”
“Oh come on, what could be so bad about some pictures?”
Let me see... I look like a beautiful woman for one, and my best friend’s mom wants me to become a model for two, I’m a boy, so I guess that about covers it.
Mom came over and took the pictures from me. The full makeup one was on the top.
“Mark, what a beautiful girl. Who is she? Is she a friend of Cindy’s? She looks like a model.”
Mom didn’t wait for an answer and started turning the photos backward, full makeup, mascara, wig, and just me. From the look on her face, I thought she would crap her panties right there.
“Mark, why are you wearing makeup?”
“Because Cindy asked me to. Remember when she caught us doing our thing with mascara, well she told her mother about it and this is the result.”
“Do you like it?” she asked, somewhat apprehensively.
“I don’t know, it was kind of fun at the time.”
“Do you do this often?” she asked, nervously
“God no Mom! This was the only time.”
My mother looked at me. I could only wonder what she was thinking as she looked at the pictures and then back at me. It wasn’t that warm, but a bead of sweat built on my forehead.
“I don’t understand this,” Mom said, shaking her head back and forth.
“Mom, it was nothing. I won’t do it again.”
“But why did you do it in the first place?”
“Mrs. Meyer wanted to show the pictures to the agency where Cindy works.”
“Do you mean the one that represents her?”
“I guess.”
“Are you trying to tell me other people have seen you looking like this?”
Mom’s voice started to rise, just a little, but it was like when I had done something wrong and she was really pissed.
“Yes.”
“Oh my God, what will people think?” What did they say? Are we going to be arrested for child abuse?”
“Mom, stop it. Nothing bad happened. They said I could be bigger than Cindy Crawford.”
“Cindy Crawford, what are you talking about?”
“Mrs. Meyer said the people at the agency want me to model for some cosmetic firm and they would give me like a million dollars. She said I could have ten million dollars by the time I graduate from high school.”
Mom sat down in my father’s chair. Her face had grown pale and I thought she was going to faint.
“Ten million dollars, what are you talking about?”
“Mrs. Meyer said this cosmetic company would pay me one million dollars just to wear their makeup for pictures and then other companies would want me and I’d make all this money. She said she would call you tomorrow.”
“I hope she does. I want a word with that woman. How dare she make my son look like a girl?”
“Umm, if you haven’t noticed, Mom, I already do.”
Mom looked at me and fell silent. She just stared.
I think she had just came to the realization that her boy did indeed look like a girl... and a very pretty one at that.
Lashes - Chapter 4
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When I got home from school I heard Mom on the telephone. She was laughing and her mood had changed from the night before. I walked into the kitchen as she hung up the phone.
“Hi honey, oh my God, what happened to you?”
Chapter Four
Oops, I had forgotten to clean my face before I saw my mother. I had cut my lip from fighting with another school bully, this time, one from the eighth grade.
“Umm, I kind of got in a fight.”
“Why would you get in a fight? You know I don’t like it when you do.”
“A bully from the eighth grade pushed me down and called me a fag.”
“Who is this boy? I’m going to call the school. I won’t have my son bullied.”
“Mom, don’t. I handled it. He won’t bother me again.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because I kicked his ass,” I laughed.
“Don’t you use those words young man and I don’t want you fighting anymore. It might ruin your looks.”
“My looks?”
“Yes your looks. I called Cindy’s mom and was going to give her a piece of my mind and she explained what she was trying to tell you last night. You could become a very wealth young man if we allow you to become a model for Lush Cosmetics. She told me all about Cindy’s modeling assignments and how no one would ever know you were a boy. She said the only time you would have to dress like a girl was when you went on assignment for a job. All anyone would ever see would be your face in the advertisements. She also told me that Lush had already started negotiating with Hollywood Models for your services even though you haven’t even signed yet.”
Mom was as excited as a cheerleader, bouncing around the kitchen, waving her hands as she talked. I wondered if she had decided she wanted her son to be that girl in the magazine ads?
“Mom, do you want me to sign a contract with those people?”
“It wouldn’t hurt. I think your father, you, and I need to talk when he gets home from work tonight.”
“Yes Mom.”
I went to my room and did my homework. I might be tough as nails, but I wanted to get good grades and I didn’t want to be a loser like Frank the Bully. Dad arrived home and Mom called a conference after dinner.
“Lance, something has taken place with our son that could make the difference between going to a community college or some place like Stanford when he graduates from high school. He has the opportunity to make a lot of money, and I think he should take it.”
“What’s a lot of money? How much can a boy his age make, several thousand dollars? That won’t get him into Stanford, but good grades will earn him a scholarship.”
“Honey, I’m not talking about a few thousand dollars. I’m talking about millions.”
Dad’s mouth opened but nothing came out. I had to stifle a laugh because he looked like a fish out of water. He was finally able to speak.
“Millions, how in the world could that happen?”
“Now don’t get mad and even I have a hard time believing what I’m going to show you.”
Mom took my photos and laid them down in front of Dad, one at a time the way she had seen them, full makeup back to just me. The look on his face was priceless. Now even he could see that his son never looked like a boy even though I was one.
He looked at the photos side by side and then looked at me. There was a sadness in his eyes.
“What happened to your lip?” he asked, noticing for the first time the swollen little knot where I caught the fist that cut my lip.
“It’s nothing, a bully got lucky and hit my lip. I kicked his ass though,” I remarked proudly.
Dad’s sullen look brightened, realizing that his son might look like a pretty girl, but he was still all, boy, and a tough one at that.
“Mark, I told you not to use that word.”
“Oh come on Rachel, he’s just a boy.”
“A boy with a dirty mouth. I won’t have that in my home and beside how do you think it would look for the model representing Lush Cosmetics to talk about kicking someone’s ass?”
“You can’t be serious?”
“Yes I am serious. What’s the worse that could happen? Just because Mark would wear some makeup doesn’t mean he would turn into a girl. It would just be a job, and he would be a boy whenever he wasn’t modeling. Think about it honey, no worries about college except where to go. It’s a no brainer.”
“I don’t like it, but it isn’t up to me. It’s Mark’s decision to make. He’s the one that’s going to be a girl to make that money. What do you think, Sport?”
“I don’t know, it was kind of fun when Mrs. Meyer put on the makeup and it didn’t hurt me, and I wouldn’t mind making that much money.”
“What about school? Where would these modeling sessions take place? If he misses too much school his grades will suffer and all the money in the world won’t get him into Stanford, he still has to have good grades.”
“Gloria says that the agency will provide tutors if the sessions go for more than a day and she says they’re very good at what they do.”
Mom turned toward me and asked, “What do you want to do? I think you should do it, and your father apparently doesn’t like the idea, so the decision is yours.”
I thought about what Mom was asking. I’m only twelve years old and she’s asking me to make an adult decision that will affect me for the rest of my life. Should I do it? Why not? Well maybe because I couldn’t fight anymore, but its not like I live to kick someone’s ass. The only reason I fight is to protest myself, It was fun, and to be honest with myself I liked looking pretty. I decided to do it.
“I think I’ll do it, that way you won’t have to worry about paying for college,” I said, bravely. I’m doing it for you guys, yeah, right.
After I made my decision ,Mom, called, Mrs. Meyer and let her know of my decision. They talked for a while before Mom got off the phone. As soon as she did the phone rang, it was Cindy.
“Oh God Mark, Mom just told me. I’m so excited. We’re going to have so much fun doing this together, and there’s so much to do?”
“Like what?”
“You have to think of a girl’s name to start with. You can’t very well be a girl model named, Mark James. We have to think of a girl’s name for you.”
“Do you have any ideas?”
“No, but that should be something you do. A girls name is something she will cherish for the rest of her life.”
I thought for a while and remembered a girl’s name I really liked.
“What about, Amanda, I really like it,” I said.
“I do too. Amanda James. It’s pretty.”
“I don’t think it should be James. I don’t want people thinking Amanda James, Mark James. No the last name has to be different.”
I thought of different last names but didn’t like any of them and then something caught my eye. Mom had placed a vase full of flowers on the mantel in the living room and I knew that was it.
“I’ve got it Cin, Amanda Flowers. I’m going to be Amanda Flowers.”
“Amanda Flowers, that’s so pretty, but you should have a middle name too.”
“I thought of the first and last, you choose.”
“I like Christine. It’s a very pretty name. Amanda Christine Flowers. God girl, you’re going to be so popular with a name like that, just wait and see.”
Little did I know what an impact that simple thing would have on me. I had just created myself, well my girl self, but none the less the impact was huge, especially for a twelve-year-old boy.
After I got off the phone with Cindy, I went to my room, lying on my bed, I let random thoughts run through my head, mostly about being Amanda. I was going to be Amanda Christine Flowers, a girl I didn’t even know. When this crazy modeling thing started, I thought Mrs. Meyers was joking with me, not realizing she would get a job for me. She did though, so I went along with it. Part of the job was to be female, and after seeing my picture, I knew that wouldn’t be a problem, at least not on the outside. What about the inside? It was just a job; wear some makeup take a few pictures and I’d be done. It was part of life, something would occur and the result was being pretty on my part but guided by someone else’s effort. I know it’s hard to explain so let me do it this way. When I was born I was named Mark Edward James. I like my name, but someone else gave it to me. As a result everything I’ve done in life is a result of being named by my parents. Whether I played ball, ate a sandwich or rough housed with my friends it was because I was Mark Edward James. Things were expected of me like being tough, hence tough as nails or behaving like a boy. Even after my mother would apply mascara to my eyes, the expectation was to participate in male oriented activities. The mascara was nothing more than some black smudges on my eyes, like grease under a mechanic’s nails. It was what it was. Don’t get me wrong; I love the person I’ve become, a real honest to goodness boy, and one with a pretty face.
Choosing her name did something to me inside my body. Amanda Christine Flowers was my creation, not Mom’s and not Dad’s, she was mine. It’s like my parents having a baby, they mate and create life. No one did it for them, they created that baby themselves. I had just done the same thing myself; created Amanda Christine Flowers and I loved her as much as if she was my own child. She was a girl and a pretty one at that and she was I. I wanted to embrace her with all my heart, but how? I was Mark James, not Amanda Christine Flowers, or was I. I was Cindy’s best girlfriend, she said so, herself more than once, and I don’t think I loved anyone more than her except for my parents. Every moment with Cindy was a special moment, ones shared by two people who loved each other more than life itself. She picked Christine for my middle name and knew she did because she loves me. I would always be Amanda Christine, in her eyes for as long as I lived.
I’m Mark James, not a girl, so why do I yearn so to be Amanda Christine Flowers so badly? It must be the name, my name, the one I created, Amanda, not Mark the name someone else gave me but, Amanda, a name I love because, Amanda, is me and I created her.
My face was wet from the tears I didn’t know I was shedding. Why would I be crying? I wasn’t sad nor had anything happened to me to make my cry and yet my pillow and face were soaked.
Not realizing how much time had passed during my thoughts and saw it was after ten in the evening. I called good night to Mom and Dad and went to sleep.
Lashes - Chapter 5
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“As scary as it may sound, I think Amanda would kill to be with you, but Mark would rather play ball and get dirty with his friends.”
Chapter 5
From that day forward Cindy called me Amanda, using Mark only when someone might hear my female name and even then, she would forget on occasion. We were at school one day and Cindy, Jennifer, and Margret were talking about going to the mall In Auburn the next day.
“Amanda and I went there, just yesterday,” Cindy said, without thinking.
“Who’s Amanda?” Jennifer asked. “I thought you and Mark went together.”
“Oh we did, did I say Amanda? I meant Mark, Amanda’s my cousin and she’s coming to visit this weekend,” Cindy said, pulling herself from the hole she just dug around herself.
“Oh.”
We split up with the three girls going their way and Cindy and I ours.
“God Cindy, you have to be more careful. No one knows about Amanda, other than you and if anyone finds out about her, I can kiss my modeling career goodbye.”
“I’m sorry, I forgot. I’m so used to calling you, Amanda, now, that I forget, Mark’s still around.”
“Well, he’s going to be around for a long time so please try not to forget.”
“Okay girlfriend, now are you coming with me and the girls, shopping?”
“I doubt it, Mark has a lot of other things he would rather do,” I laughed.
“Like what? Wouldn’t your rather spend quality time shopping with your best friend in the world?”
“As scary as it may sound, I think Amanda would kill to be with you, but Mark would rather play ball and get dirty with his friends.”
“Party-poop.”
So it went and I wondered if our role-play was screwing me up? I was, Mark, one minute and, Amanda, the next. No I didn’t all of a sudden sit with my legs together or have a feminine walk, on the outside I was always, Mark. It was inside that changed. I could be, Mark, one minute and become, Amanda the next. When I was, Amanda, I abhorred violent play with my friends. I loved discussing the most feminine pursuits like clothing and makeup. If one were to hear my conversations with Cindy, one would think I was gay or a girl, just not one that liked boys. I never really noticed girls and pretty much ignored my guy friends when they would say something crude about them. Sometimes I would change into my Amanda personality when they said something inappropriate and I felt like slapping them. How dare they insult us girls like that I wondered?
Even as I spent more time as Amanda, I had no desire to dress as a girl. My clothes were what they were. I was nothing more than a girl cross-dressing as far as I was concerned. I would do my homework and feel as though Amanda was doing it for me. Strangely though, my handwriting improved as Amanda would write one of my assignments. More than once, I was asked, by my teacher, who wrote my paper for me? My writing had become feminine and flowing when I was, Amanda, and remained somewhat messy when I was, Mark. My excuse was that my mother wanted me to improve my writing skills before I entered the eighth grade.
I think the hardest parts of my day were when I became, Amanda, and they were becoming more frequent as time passed. I had created this special girl, and now I was becoming more and more like her each day. Every experience was new to Amanda, writing or talking to Cindy; every moment was a learning experience for her. I was so confused as to how and why this was happening, but did nothing to stop it. I didn’t want to destroy my creation, I wanted to embrace her. I loved who I was becoming.
My first taste of girl’s clothing came several weeks later. Don’t get the wrong impression that, Amanda, had finally turned my brain feminine, even though she pretty much had, part of the time anyway. What happened was that I finally got my first modeling assignment. All that had to be done was to sign the contracts with the modeling agency and then the contract with Lush Cosmetics. Mrs. Meyer was handling the whole thing.
My parents and I were asked to come to her house to sign at seven in the evening. She said she would have a Notary to witness our signatures.
During the time I picked a name for myself and the signing I told my parents what my name would be for my modeling contract. It was three days after I picked the name that I caught Mom in the kitchen when I returned from school.
“Mom, I picked a name for myself for when I do my modeling.”
“You did? I hadn’t thought of that, but it’s obvious that you couldn’t portray a girl and be named Mark,” she giggled. “So what kind of name did you pick for yourself?”
“Amanda Christine Flowers.”
Mom was silent for several seconds as she looked at me. I could see her eyes misting before she spoke.
“Oh Mark,” she said, and gathered me into a hug, “that’s such a beautiful name. How did you pick it?”
“I kind of liked, Amanda, for a name and, Cindy, liked it so she thought I would be Amanda James, but I told her I didn’t want anyone to associate Amanda James with Mark James. I couldn’t think of a name but saw the flowers in the vase in the living room and I thought Flowers would be a pretty last name. Cindy said I needed a middle name and suggested Christine and I liked it, so that’s how I became Amanda Christine Flowers.”
“You’re such a girl, Mark. I would never have thought you would find a name so pretty. I’ll let Dad know his daughter’s name when he gets home tonight. There is something to think about though, you’re a minor and we will have documents to sign at some point so I’m not sure how we will be able to handle having a daughter with a different last name. We’ll figure something out. Now, Amanda, get to your room and do your homework,” she said, followed with giggles.
Mom, calling me, Amanda, seemed weird but pleased me just the same. I knew she was just kidding me, but that one moment cemented an acceptance of having a new daughter even if it was just for a job. I wasn’t sure why it was so important to me for that acceptance, after all, I’m still a boy named, Mark, but it was, and it made me feel very special. The feelings I got were the feelings a mother and daughter shared that made mother, daughter relationships so special.
Later that afternoon my father got home from work and Mom gave him the news of my new part-time name.
“Mark, would you come here, please” my Mom called to me.
“Sure Mom, be right there.”
I went to the kitchen and found my mom sitting at the kitchen table, Dad with a beer and Mom with a glass of wine.
“Mark,” my dad began, “you’re mother told me you’ve picked a name for yourself for this job you have?”
“Yes Dad, Amanda Christine Flowers.”
“That’s what she said. Are you sure you’re okay with this? That name is awfully feminine sounding. I hope you’re not forgetting you’re a boy.”
“I like that name Dad, and besides, I’m supposed to be a girl for those ads they want to make.”
“Why couldn’t you have picked a more masculine sounding name like Leslie or something?”
“I liked Amanda and that’s why I chose that name. What difference does it make anyway, I’m still your son.”
“I don’t know, I guess I’m still having a problem with this whole girl thing. I never thought in my wildest dreams I would have a daughter named Amanda Flowers.”
“Dad, it’s just a name. I needed one for the girl I’m supposed to be. A name doesn’t automatically turn me into a girl, and how would you feel if the girl in the ad was named Mark James?”
“I see your point, it’s just that I worry about what this girl thing might do to you.”
“Dad, nothing’s going to happen to me. I’ll still be your son, except for a few days a year when I’m supposed to be a girl. Nothing bad is going to come from this unless I can’t get into Stanford because I have too much money,” I laughed.
“Having too much money and getting into Stanford is something I would never worry about. I guess I’ll have to accept that I have a part time daughter named Amanda, but that won’t get you off the hook, we will still play ball together and the American river is just up the road so that means fishing too, so remember, we guys clean the fish and the girls cook them, so no excuses when it’s time to clean the fish.”
“Yes Dad.”
I felt good knowing my father accepted my new job and yet embraced the fact that I was still his son, one that he had shown how to be a man.
We walked to the Meyer’s house and knocked on the door. Cindy answered.
“Hi, Mr. and Mrs. James. Mom’s in the kitchen with the Notary.”
“Hi Cindy, it’s nice to see you again,” my mother said.
I smiled at my best friend and followed my parents into the kitchen.
As we entered the kitchen, Mrs. Meyer rose and walked to my mother and gave her a hug, an embrace of my father followed next. She looked at me and gave a little wink.
“Amanda, I’m so excited about all this,” she said, finally hugging me too.
I wondered why she was so giddy, and why I was suddenly, Amanda? When my parents read the documents I found out why. The notary would be witnessing signatures on documents stating that I was indeed a girl entering a modeling contract with an agency and my parents were legal guardians and responsible for said minor.
“Lance, Rachel, should we get started? This is Carol Bernstein a close friend and notary. She has an appointment in thirty minutes so we’ll have to hurry and sign the contract with the agency and me.”
Dad was always the one who read important papers and explained them to Mom. It took Dad about ten minutes to read the contract before he spoke to Mom.
“Honey, what this says is that Amanda will be entering a legally binding contract as Amanda James, with Hollywood Models Inc., as a minor with us as being responsible for any business dealings. Gloria is to be compensated with a finders fee for finding Amanda and will be compensated with a percentage of the agencies fees after Amanda makes more than five hundred thousand dollars. The agency’s percentage will be one third of her earnings. Gloria’s fees will come from the agency, not from any extra money from Amanda. Amanda won’t be able to sign for anything. That will have to come from us. The contract is for one year with an option to extend it for two more years. If extended, the percentages will remain the same.”
“What about Amanda Christine Flowers.”
“The contract is written as Amanda Mark James AKA Amanda Christine Flowers so there shouldn’t be an issue.”
“Gloria, may we speak to you privately please?” Mom asked.
“Certainly, lets go into the living room.”
Mom and Dad followed Gloria into the living room. I followed. I all of a sudden got this sinking feeling in my stomach that Mom wouldn’t let me do this.
“Gloria, I don’t have a problem with the contract. You’re being more than fair but there is an issue that hasn’t been mentioned and it’s the obvious thing about all this, Mark’s gender. We’re signing these documents as though Mark’s a girl and we all know that’s not the case. How do we get around that little thing?” Mom asked.
“It won’t be a problem. The contract doesn’t say anything about sex, I made sure of that. If it had said Amanda Mark James, female this wouldn’t be happening. I’m at just as much risk as you and maybe more because of my involvement in all of this. I already told the agency what Amanda’s name was including the Mark part, explaining you two couldn’t agree on a name for your child and named Amanda with boy’s middle name. It’s kind of like that Johnny Cash tune called ‘A boy named Sue’.
“As long as you’re comfortable with it then, we’ll sign. I guess the worse that could happen is the contract would be revoked.”
We returned to the kitchen to sign.
The only documents that were notarized were the Agency ones. A second contract was with Lush Cosmetics and those didn’t have to be witnessed.
Part of the Agency contract was the requirement that I had to put together portfolio. Obviously it would be for a girl named Amanda Flowers and more than headshots would be involved. Now, as a twelve-year-old girl, not a lot of skin would show, but I would be required to wear blouses, jeans, skirts, and a dress, with swimming suits optional. We read the requirement and it was like looking at a brick. We had no idea what to do with it.
“Amanda, don’t worry, I’ll take care of everything. We can use Cindy’s photographer and I know what clothes you should wear. Your mom and I can take you shopping. Is tomorrow too soon, Rachel?”
Mrs. Meyers had become a woman obsessed. Her business personality was one I had never seen before. She had taken charge of my life as CEO and my mother was her next in charge, the one to give orders after she had given them.
Mom looked like a deer in the headlights. She froze, trying to absorb what was happening to her son. Clothes, so soon?
“Who’s going to pay for all of this?” Mom asked.
“Unfortunately you’ll have to pay for the clothing, but the agency will pick up the photographer. They don’t know Amanda’s a boy so they just assume she would have the necessary clothes already.”
“I suppose, when, after school?”
“Yes, I’ll pick you up when the kids get home. You’re going to love shopping with our daughters.”
I couldn’t help noticing the reaction on Mom’s face, one of resignation, and what seemed like a little bit of life leaving my dad as he slumped down on the chair where he was sitting. I didn’t know if I should smile or cry for what I was putting them through.
I think the hardest part of this journey is the excitement I was feeling, or I should say Amanda was feeling. The thought of me wearing a dress was breaking my father’s heart, even though I assured him I was still going to be his son after this was all over. The more I thought of being Amanda, the more I wondered if that were true. Would I really be able to discard the girl I had given birth to? I was beginning to understand what my tears the day before were all about. A part of me had become Amanda and as hard as I tried, I would never be able to give her away. The only thing now, would I be able to remain Mark when this was over or would, Amanda, win the war between male and female? There was a time days earlier when such a question seemed ridiculous but the longer, Amanda, invaded my thoughts, the more my body yearned to be her. I was terrified of what the answer might be.
The following afternoon, Cindy, Gloria, Mom, and I went down to a mall in Roseville that Cindy said had everything a young girl could want. I had no idea of what those could be, but I learned fast. I’m not going to bore you with all the stores we visited, but suffice to say, Mom broke the bank.
Before we left I had to prepare for the adventure as Gloria stated. I couldn’t very well go clothes shopping looking the way I did, so Gloria provided me with a short wig styled into a bob. A little mascara for my eyes, a pair of Cindy’s shorts that no longer fit her and we were ready to go. The first store we entered was Forever Twenty One.
Cindy was giddy with excitement as she pulled one very nervous young man in her wake. Cindy found six items, the dressing room maximum, and brought me to try on the clothes. I promise not to bore you, but my first reaction to wearing girl’s clothes is important.
“Amanda, you have to have a mini skirt. Every girl our age had at least one denim shirt, so we’ll start with that. Take off all your clothes.”
“Even my boxers?”
“I forgot about those, wait I’ll be right back.”
Cindy returned with a package of cotton panties and handed them to me.
“Your mother just bought these for you, now off with the boxers and on with one of these.”
I did as told and stood looking like a young girl embarking on the journey of a lifetime. I looked in the mirror and saw Amanda looking back. She was a skinny, pretty little girl with absolutely no shape. I compared myself to Cindy and wondered how I was going to pull off this charade.
Cindy had started her puberty a year ago and the differences between a boy and girl were now obvious. She didn’t have huge breasts nor did she have one of those Beyonce butts. There was enough of a difference between her and me for me to notice. Everything about her was softer looking. Where my ribs would stick out sharply hers seemed to flow from her body. Did I mention Cindy was trying on a dress? My legs seemed, I don’t know how to put this, like something was missing. My thighs were lean and seemed to suddenly stop at my knees. My calves seemed stringy and my ankles jutted out over boney feet.
Cindy on the other hand had some shape to her thighs and they seemed to flow softly to her knees, which emphasized soft well-rounded calves. Her feet were pretty, whereas mine were just feet. It was obvious, I was a boy, and I thought a skirt would never change that.
“Put on the skirt and blouse, Amanda. See if it fits.”
Cindy showed me how to put the skirt on and added a blouse to cover my top. Cindy had started a small amount of breast development so the blouse looked flat on me.
“It doesn’t look right,” I said to her.
“Zip me up, I’ll be right back.”
I pulled the zipper up to the top on the dress and she ran from the dressing room. She came back with a bra.
“Here put this on and I’ll show you something.”
Cindy fed my arms through the straps and turned me to fasten the back.
“Don’t look,” She said, turning away from me. She lifted the dress and reached under her bra. She pulled something that looked like chicken breast fillets out and handed them to me.
“Put these in your bra.”
“Cindy, I thought….”
“Amanda, sometimes all of us girls need help, at least until we’re big enough to fill a bra properly.”
I slipped the rubbery objects into the bra cups and noticed an immediate difference. They filled the loose bit of cloth in the blouse. I looked much better.
I stood looking at the image in the mirror. A very pretty girl in bare feet looked back. Amanda reached out and touched the mirror with her fingertips; a tear ran down her cheek and dropped to the floor. The feelings I had were overwhelming me, or should I say, Amanda? It was becoming harder each day to remember I was a boy named Mark, and seeing myself like this only highlighted that fact. I shouldn’t be feeling the excitement of discovery like I was, but the creation of, Amanda, had brought me here, here to this place where a girl like, Amanda, should be. This was a place where a boy named, Mark, was losing the battle he had so innocently begun ten years earlier in his mother’s bedroom and a girl named, Amanda, was winning.
“What’s wrong?” Cindy asked, as she saw the tears begin to flow down my cheeks.
“This is so wrong Cindy. I shouldn’t be here.”
Cindy took me in her arms and hugged me tight.
“Why shouldn’t you be here? This is where you belong, Amanda.”
“But I’m not, Amanda, and you know it. I’m a boy, Cindy, a boy. Why do I want to be the girl in the mirror so badly?”
“Because maybe you’re not a boy and maybe you’re really a girl named, Amanda.”
“But I’ve been a boy all my life.”
“How do you know that? Maybe you never gave, Amanda, a chance to be herself.”
“But I like being a boy.”
“Do you dislike being a girl?”
“No, and that’s what scares me, oh Cindy, what am I going to do?”
“Be the best, Amanda, you can be. You know what being, Mark, is like so why not give, Amanda, a chance too? I love you, Mark, you’re my best friend in the world and I would never do anything to hurt you, but I see how much you hurt when you see yourself in the mirror. I think it’s because you know you have to put, Amanda, away when we get home. You love Amanda, don’t you?”
“Yes, very much, but I love, Mark, too.”
“But you’ve only been, Amanda, for a few weeks and I think you love her as much or more than, Mark.”
“How can you say that? How do you know how I feel about, Amanda?”
“Sweetie, you’re my best friend and best friends know what they are feeling, even without words. I could see the brightness and happiness in your face every time I called you, Amanda. When I called you, Mark, nothing happened, you were just, Mark. I love you, Amanda, and I don’t want to see anything bad happen to you. I love you too much.”
I held on to, Cindy, for several minutes digesting what she had said. Was I really, Amanda, and didn’t know it? When I’m, Amanda, I know my body feels different. It’s nothing I can put my finger on, but it’s just, I don’t know, a softer special feeling I can’t put away. Ever since I picked my name I’ve felt that way, like I really was, Amanda Christine Flowers. I finally figured out why I had tears in my eyes, I wanted to be, Amanda Christine Flowers, more than I wanted to be, Mark James.
Cindy, told, Mom, that I should wear the skirt and blouse from the store so I can get used to wearing girls clothes. She agreed so I left wearing the denim skirt and the sleeveless pink blouse.
“You need shoes. Come on, Payless is this way.”
Cindy grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the other side of the mall. Mom and Gloria were laughing while they watched my plight.
We had no idea of my size but a nice young man was more than eager to help. He placed my foot on the measuring thing and stated I was a size five with a normal width.
We picked out several pairs to go with the outfits I would be modeling during the photo shoot. Nothing had a heel over one inch.
“Mrs. James, Amanda really should have her own cosmetics,” Cindy said.
“Hmm, I hadn’t thought of that. I guess you’re right. She can’t keep using your mother’s and I really don’t like to share mine. Come on, Amanda, but this is the last of it. I don’t think I can afford having a daughter much longer.”
I smiled, and for the life of me I don’t know why I did it, but I gave my mother a hug.
Lashes Chapter 6
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“Because you’re my best friend. I’ve known you forever and I’ve never thought of you as being a boy. Why do you think you’re my best girlfriend? Amanda, you are just being you now. It took something like discovering the game you played with your mom to make you realize you’re a girl. I know you have a reputation for being tough, but being a boy doesn’t make you that way. Standing up to bullies does and a girl can do that too, you just don’t realize it yet. When we’re together you couldn’t be more feminine if you tried. Being feminine isn’t the way you move or talk or any of the things girls do on the outside, it’s what’s here,” Cindy said, pointing at her heart.
Chapter 6
Mrs. Meyer was able to get an appointment with Cindy’s photographer the very next day. I don’t know who was more nervous, Mom, Mrs. Meyer, or me. Cindy seemed to be taking everything in stride.
“No big thing,” she said.
Well actually it was a big thing. First off, the photographer is in Sacramento, which meant an hour drive from Colfax. Next was the preparation. Eleven or twelve was when little girls start to shave and I was no exception. What little hair I had on my legs and underarms had to go, so Mom did the honors that night when we got home.
“Honey, I’m going to show you how to do this, but from now on you’ll have to do it yourself. It’s kind of an initiation into womanhood,” she laughed.
Mom had been going through some very severe mood swings the last few days. She seemed to embrace anything Amanda one minute, and the next would cry for no reason. I knew I was the cause of it, but was powerless to do anything about it, other than put Amanda away forever, and what good would that do since we already had the contract and my ticket to Stanford.
She finished with my legs and washed off the excess shaving jell. After my underarms were done she handed me a towel and asked me to dry myself off. I had never noticed the feelings on my legs before and the smoothness of my skin.
“Mom, my legs feel so smooth.”
“They feel nice, don’t they?”
“Yes.”
“I want you to rub baby oil on them so they stay soft. If they dry out you won’t like the way they feel.”
Putting the oil on freshly shaved legs was another experience that brought Amanda more to the front and shoved poor, Mark, farther away in the battle to win my heart. My fears were taking root and I wasn’t sure of how I could handle what was happening to me.
I’ve always loved being a boy; the rough housing and messing around with my friends was something I looked forward to every day. My time spent with Cindy, was always special because I became like another person, but I was still, Mark. Cindy would call me her girlfriend, and sometimes I felt that way, but we both knew I was still, Mark. Now things had changed as Amanda, made herself known. I think if Mom had named me, even the same name as I have now I might feel different about what was happening to me. I would still be Mark, a boy with a pretty face and a name my mother gave me so I could work as a girl. She would have chosen everything; even the clothes we bought tonight would have been a masquerade for the job. There would have been no connection to Amanda, other than being her for a job. When I named Amanda, or I should say when I renamed myself, something happened to me. I had essentially told myself that I was now female. It was a decision I had made for myself. I could have chosen any name I wanted, but I wanted it to be special. I didn’t want Mary, or Tiffany, or any other host of names I could have chosen, I wanted Amanda, and I wanted her to be feminine. I could have used my real last name, James, like the outlaw, but I wanted more from her, hence Flowers. How much more feminine could a name get than Amanda Flowers. By naming myself Amanda Flowers, I was telling my body it was now feminine and it was my choice, and I loved it. I wondered how much longer I could reconcile myself to being Mark James? I was becoming a very seriously fucked up boy.
I went to bed early so I wouldn’t be tired when I went to the shoot. I had problems sleeping. I kept thinking of Amanda, and my feelings for her and the shame I was bring on my parents, especially Dad. I have always been a strong boy; just ask any of the bullies in school. They don’t mess with Mark James, because he’ll kick your ass, and as much as Mom complained, I’m sure Dad loved the way I protected myself. How could I justify that kind of behavior from Amanda? Girls don’t act that way. Girls turn to boys like Mark, for protection. Maybe I’m reading too much into this adventure. I’ve been so caught up in being Amanda, that I think I’m turning into a girl. Perhaps I should just go with the flow, but as, Mark, dressed as Amanda and stop trying to actually be Amanda. That was it; I’d be a boy dressing as a girl and tell Cindy I was her best friend, her boy friend. Sleep came quickly after I reconciled myself to being a boy,.
“I’m home,” I shouted as I walked into the house after school.
“Hurry up and get ready. We have to leave with Gloria and Cindy for your photo shoot, I’m in your room.”
I went to my room and saw Mom had laid Amanda’s clothes out on the bed.
“What do you want to wear?” she asked.
“What I have on,” I said.
“No, that wouldn’t be a good idea. Remember, you’re supposed to be a girl for these shoots and girls like you don’t wear boy’s clothes to photo shoots.”
As much as I hated to admit it, I felt a stirring of excitement as Amanda pushed the boy part of me aside. I had gone out of my way today to be the best Mark I could be. I stared down the bullies, played football with my friends and played my boy part to the extreme. No one, not even Cindy mistook me for Amanda, I was one hundred percent Mark, well make that ninety-nine percent, I loved the way my legs felt, so very feminine.
Now as I stared at the clothing, I could feel Amanda, making herself known. Why did I feel this way? I’m not a girl so why do I allow Amanda, to easily push Mark aside? I couldn’t admit the obvious; it would hurt my parents too much. I know if I try hard enough I can put Amanda away and let Mark enjoy the rest of his life.
“Well, what do you want to wear?” Mom asked.
“I don’t know, anything I guess.”
“Honey, girls never wear, just anything, they co-ordinate. Everything goes with each other. See your dress?”
“Yes.”
Those shoes go with it, not the canvas ones that go with your jeans. Don’t worry sweetheart, you’ll learn soon enough.”
“Why, I’m a boy?”
“My, don’t we have an attitude? Mark, when we started this thing, it was as if you were a different person. You should have seen the excitement in your eyes. Your father and I were very concerned that this thing would lead to you being a girl, but I can see I was wrong. Look, if you don’t want to do this then we’ll tear up the contract and I’ll give these clothes a way. To be perfectly honest, I’d prefer that you not do this girl thing.”
I didn’t know how to respond? On one hand I was pleasing my mom by acting as if I didn’t want to be Amanda, again. On the other, my stomach dropped at the thought of sending Amanda away. As hard as I was trying I couldn’t stop loving her, or me I guess. The most important thing a person can do is respect themselves and be happy with who they are, my dad said so. Be yourself whom ever that is, he said. Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not important, because you are, just being yourself. I was so confused being Amanda, was so wrong and yet I wanted to be her so badly. I should have never named myself, never embraced her, never torn myself apart trying to be both a boy and girl.
I picked my jeans and a cute blouse that went with them. On went my white canvass shoes with no socks.
Cindy and I sat in the back of Mrs. Meyer’s van and Mom rode shotgun. I had a sullen look on my face that wasn’t missed by Cindy.
“What’s wrong, Amanda?”
“Nothing and I’m not Amanda, I’m Mark.”
“Whoa, what brought this on? I noticed you were acting different at school today.”
“Nothing brought it on, I’m a boy and boys are named Mark, not Amanda.”
Cindy giggled and said, “From the look of things, I do believe Mark has left the building.”
Besides the clothing I was wearing, I was wearing the short wig and my eyes were made up with mascara and a little shadow. My lips glistened with pink gloss. When I saw myself in the mirror, I couldn’t believe how pretty I looked. Amanda pulled and shoved to try to make herself known, but Mark wouldn’t let her, as hard as she tried. Mark just tried harder.”
“It’s just a costume.”
“Just a costume? What happened to my girlfriend?”
“Your girlfriend “ I said, making quote marks with my fingers, “is really a boy, but I’m sure you didn’t miss that fact.”
Cindy reached across my body and grabbed my shoulders, turning me to face her.
“God Amanda, what happened to you? You’re my dearest friend and you’re acting like a little bitch and I want to know why?”
I stared at Cindy and finally everything that had happened to me came to a head. My eyes filled with tears and ran down my cheeks as I realized how shameful I was acting.
“I’m so afraid.”
The look of concern from Cindy just made me cry harder. Mom hadn’t noticed my distress, as she and Mrs. Meyer were deep in conversation.
“Sweetie, what are you so afraid of?”
“Me, Amanda, both of us.”
“Why would you be afraid?”
“I’m afraid I’ll become Amanda for real.”
“What’s so wrong with that? You’re a beautiful girl.”
“That’s the point, I’m not a girl, and I’m a boy.”
“Are you really? Are you sure you’re not really a girl with a plumbing problem?”
“Why would you ask that?”
“Because you’re my best friend. I’ve known you forever and I’ve never thought of you as being a boy. Why do you think you’re my best girlfriend? Amanda, you are just being you now. It took something like discovering the game you played with your mom to make you realize you’re a girl. I know you have a reputation for being tough, but being a boy doesn’t make you that way. Standing up to bullies does and a girl can do that too, you just don’t realize it yet. When we’re together you couldn’t be more feminine if you tried. Being feminine isn’t the way you move or talk or any of the things girls do on the outside, it’s what’s here,” Cindy said, pointing at her heart.
“That’s why you’re having a conflict with yourself. You think just because you’re supposed to be a boy, because you look like a boy, you can’t be a girl, well, you’re wrong. You’re a girl Amanda, through and through, you just haven’t seen it yet, but you will.”
My tears had ceased and of course my makeup was ruined and Cindy was right, I was thinking like a girl, after-all what boy would worry about his makeup?
Was Cindy right, have I been a girl all along? I tried to think of when I was with Cindy and how we talked to each other. We shared everything, every moment of my life was hers and hers mine. She had started her puberty and I was the first person she told about her period, not her girl friends, but me, Mark. We cried together and laughed together, hugged each other until we couldn’t breathe. It all seemed so natural to be the way I was. I think the thing I never saw was that I had been Amanda all along and never realized it. If I was to accept Amanda, then what will happen to Mark? How would my parents react to having a daughter all the time, not just for a few photo shoots? Will they still love me, or will they try to make me someone I’m not?
“Cindy, just wishing doesn’t change the fact that I’m a boy, nothing can change that, and besides my parents would never put up with me being a girl. Mom already said she wished I wasn’t doing this.”
“But things can be done to change you into a girl. Haven’t you ever heard of that girl named Jazz?”
“The one that told her parents she was a girl when she was a little boy, the one on TV?”
“Yes, she’s the one. You could do the same thing as her, be who you really are. You could become Amanda.”
“But I like being, Mark,” I whined.
“Do you? Can you honestly tell me you’d rather be Mark, than Amanda?”
“But I don’t know anything about Amanda.”
“You know that you love being her.”
“How do I know that the only reason I like being her is because it’s so new?”
“Because you’ve been Amanda for years. You just didn’t see it.”
“I haven’t Cindy, I’ve always been a boy.”
“Fine, be that way, but don’t tell me I didn’t warn you when you’re so unhappy you can’t stand it. You’re my best friend and I’ll always be here for you, but don’t wait too long or you might really turn into a boy and if that happens, well never mind, it’s not important,” she said and got a sad look on her face. She looked as though she had just lost her best friend.
We arrived at the studio for the session and exited the van. Mom looked at me and I saw the concern in her expression.
“Have you been crying,” she asked, touching my cheek with her fingers.
“It’s okay now,” I replied, glancing at Cindy.
“If you don’t want to do this, we can go home. I’m not forcing you to do anything you don’t want to do,” Mom said, the determination evident in her voice.
“No Mom, please, I want this, please?”
“If you’re sure. I won’t have my baby pushed into something he doesn’t want to do,” Mom said, looking at Gloria.
“Mom, my tears had nothing to do with Mrs. Meyer. Can we just forget it, please?”
“Alright, but I won’t forget about it. I’ll want to talk to you later about what you’re doing. I’m not mad at you sweetheart, just concerned about what’s going on up here.” Mom said, pointing at her head. “Now let’s get your makeup repaired so you don’t scare the poor photographer,” she giggled.
Mom’s laughter made me relax while Mrs. Meyer repaired the damage I had incurred.
We entered the studio and were greeted by a handsome man with an alarming smile. He was about six feet tall about one hundred sixty pounds, a short hairstyle with a small amount of grey indicating his late forties, age. His blue eyes danced with merriment, and his smile exposed perfect white teeth. His light blue dress shirt had the top two buttons undone showing a tanned chest. The shirt was tucked into designer jeans ending a half of an inch above his sockless feet wearing leather loafers.
“Gloria, Cindy, so nice to see you again,” he gushed, which probably had as much to do with the extra fee he was charging, as seeing Gloria again.
“Bob, this is Rachel James and her daughter, Amanda. Girls, this is Bob Quinlan, my favorite Photographer in the whole world,” she flirted, in that worldly show business sort of way.
“I can see where Amanda gets her beauty from, Rachel, it’s nice to meet you,” he said, taking Mom’s hand in his.
Mom shifted uncomfortably, knowing his beauty remark was so much bullshit, but I wondered if it also had to do with his comment about her daughter? I would find out when we talked.
“Okay ladies, let’s get this show on the road,” Bob commanded.
We followed him into the photo studio while Gloria double-checked my makeup.
“Come over here Amanda, and stand right here so I can get my settings right. You’re much too pretty to be blurry in your pictures.”
I stood in front of a screen while Bob went to his camera mounted on a tripod. He fiddled with several settings and declared he was ready to start.
I won’t bore you with the details of every photo, but I’ll explain what we did.
I started with the clothes I had on, the jeans and casual blouse. My makeup was just as it was when we arrived at the studio. Bob had me posing for what seemed like a hundred photos. He shot me just standing and then different poses. Next came close-ups of my face, laughing, smiling, pouting, looking sad, all the while Bob gave me instructions. I grew to like him very much as I learned; I grew used to his corny banter.
The next grouping was with me wearing a skirt and blouse. I obviously changed my shoes to a pair of cute sandals. The heel was about a half of an inch tall. My skirt, the denim one, ended at mid thigh, showing a lot of my legs. My blouse had a scoop neck to show my pretty neck and shoulders. Mrs. Meyer changed my makeup to make me look a little older. I like the look, but couldn’t help seeing the frown on my mother’s face. We did the same as with the jeans, full body close-ups and face.
The last grouping was with me in my dress. The dress was a beautiful crochet shift dress that was the only splurge when we went shopping. Even my mother loved how it looked on me. I had to wear a short slip so nothing that wasn’t supposed to be seen, was. It had wispy sleeves that went just past my elbows and the hem stopped above mid thigh. It was very sexy and very flirty, and I loved it. My shoes were the white pumps with the taller heel, all of one inch, which completed the look.
Gloria changed my makeup again, which made me look very pretty and much older. I thought my mother was going to cry.
Bob spent more time with this look and by the time he finished I was bushed. Even as tired as I was I was also disturbed by the feelings I was having wearing this dress. It was so feminine and so soft feeling, so un Mark like, so much the way Amanda, would feel that I wanted to hug Cindy in the worst way. It was then that I knew what she had been saying to me, I really was a girl.
“Well, I’m finished,” Bob, announced. “Amanda, you were a dream to work with and I’ll be sure to note that in your portfolio. You followed my instructions perfectly and I’m sure I’ll want to include every photo I took, but you’re not strong enough to carry all those pictures.”
“Thank you so much, Bob. When do you think you’ll be able to put the portfolio together?” Gloria asked.
“I’ll have it to you next week. Normally I’d take two weeks but you’re special Gloria, it’ll be ready Tuesday.”
“Thanks Bob, that’s why I love you so much. See you Tuesday. You can change now, Amanda.”
I didn’t want to change. I loved this dress and the way it made me feel.
“Would it be okay if I wore it home?”
I saw the trickle of a smile cross Cindy’s lips, she knew.
“Alright, just be careful with it,” Mom said,
We left the studio and entered the van. Mrs. Meyer had tried to engage my mother in conversation, but she seemed to be distracted.
“What’s wrong Rachel, did I do something wrong?” Gloria asked.
“No, it isn’t anything you did, I just wasn’t ready to see how beautiful Amanda was. You have to remember that you’ve had twelve years living with Cindy and I’ve only had a few hours with a daughter, and to be honest, I’m not sure if I like it.”
“Rachel, we discussed this before any contracts were signed. You knew things might be difficult?”
“I know Gloria, and I’m certainly not blaming you, but I worry what this might do to Mark. He’s so pretty and there seems to be a change in him. It’s as though he really is Amanda Flowers, and it scares the devil out of me. I love my son, faults and all.”
“Oh I’m sure you’re over reacting. She’s just excited about the shoot. Mark will be back tomorrow and you’ll probably wish you had your daughter back,” Gloria laughed.
“I hope so.”
Cindy and I listened intently to the conversation and turned toward me after it was over.
“You did it, didn’t you?” she asked, with a hopeful gleam in her eye.
“Did what?” I asked, innocently.
“Crossed over, you’re a girl now, aren’t you?”
My head fell shamefully as I stared at my bare legs, the hem of the dress so flatteringly feminine, caressing them with every movement of the van. How could I admit that Cindy was right, I had crossed over with all my heart and soul? I felt as though I had ripped the heart out of my mother’s chest and smashed it with a club as I turned to face Cindy.
“Yes, and I don’t know what I’m going to do?”
“I’ll help you, don’t worry, I’ll always be here for you.”
Cindy hugged once more as a tear ran from my eye.
Arriving home, Mom and I went into the house. Mrs. Meyer said I could keep the wig until tomorrow.
“Wait in the living room Mark, I want your father to see you,” Mom said, walking to the family room in the rear of the house.
There had been no emotion in Mom’s voice, just a matter of fact that made me uneasy as I sat on the sofa. That feeling grew as I heard my parent’s steps come from the hallway. My mother and father entered the room. Both parents looked very unhappy with my appearance.
“Lance, I was going to say something stupid like meet your daughter, but I can’t bring myself to do that. Your son is so pretty and if he was a real girl, I’d be so proud of her for what she’s doing, but I can’t. I love our son so much and this; this girl thing is making me sick. If I had known I would have never allowed it.”
Dad put his arm around Mom’s shoulder and pulled her tight to him. There was sadness in his eyes as he looked at me.
“Mark, your mother is right, you’re a beautiful girl, and as a man and father, I know you would break many a boy’s heart, but you’re not a girl, your our son. I’m not sure how I feel about this. I know going to Stanford is important to you, but I don’t know if this is the way to do it? We aren’t angry with you, just the opposite, but you must know how we feel right now. I know we signed the contract for this, but I can say for your mother and myself that we didn’t think you would become such a beauty and we’re concerned for what this might do to you. You’re playing with fire even if you don’t know it. How do you feel about what you’re doing?”
How do I feel? God, what a question to ask. I feel like a girl, or maybe I should say I am a girl. Why do you think I wore this dress home? If I could, I would never take it off, that’s how special it makes me feel.
“I like it Dad. It’s fun, kind of like dressing up for Halloween.”
“Maybe that’s the case, but you don’t look like a boy wearing a costume, you look like a girl off the pages of a magazine.”
“I know Dad, but its just part of the job, and that’s how I’m supposed to look.”
“Honey, I mean Mark, why don’t you go change. Your appearance is really upsetting your mother,” Dad said, with a calm voice, which surprised me as I expected him to shout or react differently. My father is really special. If I could have, I would have run to him and given him the biggest hug in the world.
“Yes Dad.”
I rose and walked to my room as both sets of eyes followed me.
“He walks just like a girl, God Rachel, I hope this is just a phase he’s going through or part of the costume as he calls it. If this girl thing doesn’t go away, I don’t know what we’re going to do.”
“He only has six months before the option takes effect. Maybe he’ll tire of this nonsense and we can put this away. I want my son back.”
I closed the door when I entered my room. Looking in the mirror at the stunning girl looking back, I knew what Mom and Dad wished, wasn’t going to happen, my creation, Amanda Flowers, was now a part of me that I would never be able to destroy. It would be like suicide to make her go away. I ran my hands down my dress until my fingers reached my shaved legs and knew what I had to do. I had to become Amanda.
I removed the wig, changed into my boy clothes and removed my makeup in my bathroom. There was still a trace of mascara, but I was now my mother’s beautiful boy once again.
I walked back to the living room where Mom and Dad were having a drink. Mom smiled when she saw me, her boy was back. Then something strange happened, a wistful expression crossed her face, it was just for a second, but it was something I noticed. It was as though she had lost something and wanted it back.
“Mom, Dad, I’m sorry.”
“Mark, you don’t have anything to be sorry for. Love is unconditional and no matter how you look, you’ll always be our child. No, make your mother feel better and give her a hug.”
I ran to my mother and wrapped my arms around her as she did to me. A tear ran from my eye, I love my parents so much.
The next day Cindy and I did our homework together as we usually did. We’d study, talk, and study again. There was nothing different about our conversation as it covered the usual subjects, fashions, who liked who, who Cindy liked this week and so forth. When we finished Cindy brought up the one thing I didn’t want to talk about, Amanda.
“Wasn’t that fun last night?” she asked.
“What?”
“Oh come on Mark, you know what, your photo session.”
“I guess.”
“You guess? God girl I thought you’d bust with excitement, especially when you wore your dress.”
“I don’t want to talk about it?”
“What? Why not?”
“I just don’t.”
“Something happened when you got home, didn’t it. It’s your parents, they don’t like what you’re doing,” Cindy stated.
“Oh, Cindy, you don’t know what it was like, “I said, as I burst into tears.
“Oh God, what happened?”
“My mother would hardly talk to me and then she went and got my father. He said I didn’t have to do this after six months and they would rather I don’t. He said I was pretty and my mother said she would have been so proud of me if I were a girl. I am a girl Cindy, I am. I felt so pretty in my dress, so much like Amanda that I never wanted to take my dress off. What am I going to do? I have to be Amanda, Cindy, I have to, or I’ll die.”
Cindy held me until the tears stopped. I knew boys didn’t cry like I was, but I couldn’t help myself, my world felt so wrong.
“Everything will be okay, just wait and see. You still have almost six months until your contract has to be renewed and who knows what might happen between now and then?”
“And what happens if my parents don’t renew the contract, then what. I’ll have to be a boy.”
“You’ll never have to be a boy again, even if you don’t have a contract. Being a girl is in here,” she said pointing at her head, “and here,” pointing at her heart. “We’ve been best friends for years and all I’ve ever seen is a girl, even when you beat up Frank. A boy didn’t do that, a girl did.”
I smiled and said, “You’re the best friend I could ever have. I love you, Cindy”
“And I love you, Amanda.”
I felt better and returned home. I was tired and needed sleep.
Lashes Chapter 7
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The pictures of me in the dress finally appeared. Even I wasn’t ready for what I saw. Mom and I both gasped as the first picture was seen. It was a shot from my waist to my head; I’m looking toward the sky and am slightly backlit, creating a halo around my head. It was the most beautiful picture I had ever seen and it would have been so with any other model. Mom’s eyes had filled with tears.
Chapter 7
Tuesday, Mrs. Meyer picked up my portfolio from the photographer and called my mother the minute she got home.
“Mark, Gloria called. She has your portfolio and she wants us to come and look at it.”
‘Okay, Mom, I’ll be right there.”
I threw on some socks and my Converse shoes and ran to the kitchen to pull my mother to Cindy’s.
“Hurry Mom, I want to see it.”
“Slow down Mark, It will still be there when we get to their house.”
Mom fiddled around the kitchen doing nothing, as if she didn’t want to see the pictures. I wondered if that was the case, after the talk with my father. Seeing her daughter in pictures would just cement what I wanted so badly to tell them, that I was a girl.
Mom and I finally walked to Cindy’s. Cindy was waiting near the door when we arrived.
“Oh Mark, your pictures are beautiful,” she gushed. “Come on,” she said grabbing my hand and pulling me into her house. Mrs. Meyer was in the kitchen looking at my photos.
“Mark, Rachel, I must say, these are the prettiest pictures I’ve ever seen, and I don’t say that lightly. My own daughter is a model and, well, I’m her mother, and I wish she was as beautiful as you,” she said, when she saw us enter the kitchen.
Mom and I walked to the kitchen counter, opposite Mrs. Meyer.
“Take a look,” she said, spinning the pile of pictures to face us.
Mom and I stood side by side looking at the photos, one at a time. Each photo was of me with my name at the bottom corner, Amanda Flowers. Mom would take the top photo and turn it face down in a pile next to the one we were looking at. Her hand would touch the photo, pause and then turn the photo.
“So pretty,” she kept saying softly with each photo.
And they were pretty, or I should say, I was pretty.
During the shoot, Bob had me pose in all kinds of angles, move here, move there, turn just a little until he got the shot just right. Now I could see the results and it was hard to believe the girl in the photos was me.
Mom looked at the casual batch first which portrayed me as a young, energetic girl. I was very pretty and I liked the look. Next came the skirt and blouse. The look was of someone going to school. I didn’t like these as much because my legs were seen below the skirt. Maybe I’m being too critical of myself, but I didn’t like my legs. It’s not like they were ugly or anything, but they just didn’t have the right shape. My thighs were skinny as were my calves. I compared them to Cindy’s and could see the difference between a boy and girl’s. I guess that was something I will have to live with. Other than my legs, I was beautiful and I could see the distress on my Mom’s face.
The pictures of me in the dress finally appeared. Even I wasn’t ready for what I saw. Mom and I both gasped as the first picture was seen. It was a shot from my waist to my head; I’m looking toward the sky and am slightly backlit, creating a halo around my head. It was the most beautiful picture I had ever seen and it would have been so with any other model. Mom’s eyes had filled with tears.
“You’re so beautiful,” was all she could say.
Mom spent more than two minutes staring at the photo, and dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. As she slowly turned the rest of the pictures, I cold see why she was so emotional, I had become a young woman in those pictures. Mom had tears and I had tears seeing what a beautiful daughter she had. I only wished she would think the same way. And I could see why Mrs. Meyer had asked me to become a model. Even I could see there was something special about me.
“Well, what do you think?” Mrs. Meyer asked, excitedly, “isn’t she beautiful?”
Wow, Mrs. Meyer referred to me as she, not Mark, but as a girl.
Mom paused for a second before the crushing words, “yes, Mark is very pretty.” I could feel the coldness in her voice.
Gloom entered the room, but Mrs. Meyer wasn’t going to have any of it.
“Mark, the only way I can say this is that Amanda is spectacular. Lush Cosmetics made the right move with you and are getting off cheep. Now we should get down to business. The first thing I might suggest is Mark grow his hair out if he’s going to continue in this business. Wigs will work for a while but there’s going to come a time when he’ll need his own hair.”
“Gloria, this is just too much for me right now. Why would Mark have to grow his hair long?”
“Hair commercials. Wigs just won’t work and beside wigs are hot and uncomfortable and we wouldn’t want our future diva perspiring because of a wig,” she laughed.
Mom didn’t see the humor in her remark.
“Look Gloria, I’ll be honest with you, I’m having a real problem with all of this,” Mom said, pointing at the photos. “I so afraid all this femininity might have an effect on him that can’t be reversed. I love my son.”
“Rachel, I know you’re worried, but this is an opportunity of a life time. If Mark was going to make a few thousand dollars, I could see your point, but that’s not the case. You’ve already signed a contract for more money than I made during my career, and this is just the beginning. When other clients see Mark’s pictures, they’re going to offer millions just to have him associated with their products. Mark’s a strong confident boy and I see no reason that this will do anything negative to him, and if the thing you worry so much about were to take place, what’s so wrong with being a woman?”
“That’s the point Gloria, Mark’s a boy and I want him to remain that way.”
“Well, that’s your decision, so if you don’t want to renew your contract when it comes time, I’ll understand why, but I think you would be making a very big mistake.”
“Mark and I should go, we have a lot to talk about. Thank you for your hospitality,” Mom said, leaving the stack of photos on the counter.
“Take the pictures, Rachel, I have extra copies. Bob already sent them overnight to the agency. I’m sure I’ll be receiving a call from them tomorrow.”
“Thanks again,” Mom said, and hugged Gloria stiffly.
Mom and I walked home without a word. I know the pictures had upset her, but what was I going to do? They were part of the job and as much as I wanted to tell her of my true feelings I couldn’t. She was fragile enough with having a pretty boy and to add that I loved being a girl would be too much for her to handle, no, that would have to wait for her to hear, if ever?
Mom closed the door behind us and went into the living room, placing the photos on the coffee table. Her eyes were damp with tears.
“Come here, sweetheart,” she said, with a quiver in her voice.
She gathered me in her arms and pulled me tight. I could feel her body heave as she began to sob.
“My pretty, pretty boy,” she said, “ my pretty little boy, what have we done?”
Mom held me for what seemed like hours, but I’m sure it was just minutes. I felt so bad for my mother thinking about what she must be going through? I was her son and yet there were the photos that were proving me oh so wrong. All I could do was comfort her like good son should do.
Mom broke the embrace and looked at me one more time, smiled slightly and said, “ your father should see these.”
Mom called to my father who was watching a basketball game in the other room.
“Jeez Rachel, It’s game three and there are just two minutes left,” he grumbled.
“Lance, this will take just a minute and you know very well those two minutes will take a half of an hour, what with the commercials and all, this is important.”
Dad shuffled into the living room looking as though he was being punished for eating too much candy.
“I want you to look at Mark’s pictures for his portfolio,” Mom said.
Dad picked up the pile of pictures and went through them. Quickly at first and then he slowed as he examined each picture like forensic detective examining crime photos. When he got to the photo in the dress with me looking toward the sky he stopped, looking at it and then at me. His eyes glistened, but he didn’t say anything and kept looking back and forth. Finally he finished looking at the remaining photos before he spoke.
“I feel as though I’m looking at pictures of my daughter rather than my son, “ he said softly. “What do you think of this Mark?”
“I like them, a lot,” I replied.
I wasn’t going to lie to my father and he had to know I was very proud of what had been accomplished with those photos. They showed I had real potential as a model.
“Rachel?”
“Oh God, Lance, I’m so confused right now. I love those pictures and yet, I loathe them too. As a mother I should be so proud to have a lovely daughter like Amanda, so pretty and so feminine, but I love my son and I don’t want to lose him, God what are we going to do?”
“I don’t know honey, I really don’t know. Mark would you be willing to give up this modeling thing?”
It felt as though Dad had just stabbed me in the heart. God no I wouldn’t, please don’t make me do that.
“Dad, please don’t ask me to give it up. I love modeling, even if it’s as a girl, and I just started, please?” I pleaded, as tears filled my eyes.
“Mark calm down, son, I’m not going to make you give up something you enjoy so much, it’s just that I worry about your mother and how it’s effecting her, and to be perfectly honest, what it’s doing to you.”
“What’s it doing to me?”
“Nothing so far, but I worry you might like this girl thing too much, and will want to really become one.”
Dad, if you only knew.
“That won’t happen, I promise,” I said, “and if it did, would it be so bad having a daughter?”
“Please Mark, let’s not go there. When this is finished I want my son back, not a world famous woman model, understood.”
“Yes Dad.”
Dad went back to his game and saw the last eleven seconds of it, which took fifteen minutes. Mom gathered the photos and said she had a headache and went to her room. I had a lot to think about, knowing I would never be able to keep the promise I made to my father.
The day after my parents talked to me, Dad made a point of spending more time than usual with me, doing guy things, hoping our time together would make a difference in how I thought of myself. We did more than just play ball. He felt it was time to replace the rear deck on our house, so we tore the old one out. The lumber company delivered a stack of lumber, some wood preservative and nails, we were set.
Dad taught me how to square the frame with out a square, “It’s simple math, Mark, watch what I do.”
Dad laid out two pieces of lumber and stretched his measuring tape along the length, making a mark at three feet. He then turned and marked the other piece at four feet.
“Now hold the end of the tape on this mark and we’ll measure the distance from mark to mark. It should measure five feet, so we’ll have to move the lumber until it does. When it does, we’ll know it’s square.”
One piece was against the house so we moved the other until it lined up perfectly.
“Now we’ll nail a piece of scrap from one piece to the other so it won’t move.”
That being done we put together the frame or joists as Dad called them. They were heavy, two by twelve’s, fourteen feet long, but dad said I was a strong boy and I could handle it. I did and we worked for five hours until the frame was complete.
“We’ll put the deck on tomorrow. You did a good job son. I’m proud of you.”
The next day we painted the wood with water seal so all sides would be protected. It was messy work, but I enjoyed the interaction with my father. Dad told me stories of how he learned building from his father and his father had learned from his father before him. Our time together was becoming very special as my father taught me what real men taught their boys. He never showed anger even though I would make the same mistake over and over, but patiently showed me the right way to do things.
As the first week and then the second passed I began to question my desire to become a girl. I loved my father and I loved being a boy. Cindy and I talked everyday because that’s what best friends did. She never questioned what I was doing with my father because she knew I had to find my own way with regard to my sexuality. She didn’t say anything about our relationship and I wondered if I was still her best girlfriend?
“Cindy, am I changing?” I asked, after Dad and I finished the deck project.
“In what way?”
“You know, I wanted so badly to be a girl, but now I’m not sure. I love my parents and I love being a boy and I don’t want to hurt them.”
“Mark, you’re not a boy, trust me on that, and just because you did all that work with your father doesn’t make you one. Girls can do the same things as a boy, it’s just not expected of us.”
“Cindy, I just don’t know what I’m going to do?”
“Mark, everything will work itself out. If you’re supposed to be a boy then you’ll be one, but if you’re going to end up being a girl, don’t fight it. It will harm you more than doing nothing at all.”
“I’m just confused Cindy, I have to think about this some more, I’ll call you tomorrow.”
I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling as the thought ran through my head. Was I really a girl like Cindy said? I still couldn’t bring myself to admit what she was saying was true. I knew how I felt after wearing that beautiful, oh so feminine dress and not wanting to take it off, but I did. The last two weeks spent with Dad working as we did made me rethink everything I thought I wanted after the photo shoot.
He taught me what a sixteen-penny nail was and how to toenail a board. I was allowed to cut the wood with a Skill saw and he taught me how to do it safely. , But was Cindy right? Was I a girl doing these masculine tasks and not even realized it? I didn’t feel any differently, it was quality time spent with my father. Nothing changed when I spoke with Cindy, I was just as well, girly as I always was, but then that was to be expected when we talked. It was no wonder Cindy thought of me as a girl, but did I think of myself as one? I didn’t know, because I didn’t know what a girl felt like. I knew how a boy felt, but was I just thinking my thoughts were masculine because I was a boy, or were my thoughts feminine and I was just in the wrong body? I’m a twelve year old boy that has no idea of who he is, or she is?”
Two weeks later Gloria called and asked if she could come over to talk to my mom. It was time for me to have my first modeling session with Lush Cosmetics. Things between my mother and Gloria had been strained since the night with the photos but Gloria had called everyday and seemed to have gotten back on my mother’s good side.
Mom and Gloria were sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee.
“Rachel, Mark has his first photo session with Lush next week. Luckily they use a studio in San Francisco so we don’t have to fly to New York and have them shoot Amanda there. The appointment is for Monday at nine AM. It will take all day and they will have their own people doing Amanda’s makeup. We’ll have to leave early, probably around four thirty in the morning so we miss the Sacramento traffic, but unfortunately will be stuck when we reach the Bay Area. Now, here’s the hard part, Mark will have to be Amanda from the time we leave until we return. We’re the only ones that know Amanda’s really a boy. He can wear the denim skirt and blouse outfit. The skirt will make him seem more like a girl when they see him.”
“Okay, I guess I can see your point and it’s only for a day, as much as I don’t like it,” Mom added.
“Rachel, I know this is hard on you, I can’t even imagine how I would feel if Cindy was a male model. I’d just die, but Mark has so much potential, and even you have to admit he’s a beautiful girl.”
“I just wish he wasn’t.”
The day of the shoot came and Mom woke me up at three-thirty.
“Get up sleepy head, it’s time to get ready. Go take a shower and here’s a new razor for you to shave your legs. You remember how I did it, don’t you?”
“Yes Mom,” I said, sleepily.
I adjusted the water in the shower and entered. After washing and shampooing my hair I went to the task of shaving. I lathered my leg and put my foot on the wall and drew the shaver up my leg. The femininity I had tried so hard to bury returned with a vengeance. This wasn’t a pretty dress making me feel special, but an action I was doing as a girl to make my legs look more feminine. As hard as it was to admit, Cindy was right, I was a girl and even if it was just for one day, I was going to be the very best girl I could be.
I finished my shower and dried myself. Mom had laid my clothes on the bed. I recognized the denim skirt and blouse from the photo shoot. Next to them was a pair of panties, a bra, and fillets I wore at the shoot. I was able to dress myself, which surprised me as I thought I would have trouble with the bra. Mom did my makeup and it was time for Gloria and Cindy to pick us up.
Cindy and I sat in back again and she held my hand, not like a boy and girl but two young girls holding hands to provide confidence. I felt so right at the moment.
The drive took all of four hours, so we just had time for a quick bite to eat before we went to the studio.
I’m not going to waste time telling every move I made from the moment we walked in the door so I’ll skip the part where the receptionist greets us.
I was led to a makeup studio next to the photo studio. There were two women waiting for me.
“You must be Amanda?” the first asked. ”I’m Shirley, and this is Karen my assistant.”
Shirley was a tall woman, a little over weight with a nice smile. She looked to be older than my mother, but my mom looks young for her age.
Karen was younger, maybe twenty-five, shorter and very pretty. Her makeup was perfect and it looked as though she had spent time with it.
“Hi,” I answered, shyly.
“You’re very pretty, young lady. You’re going to make my work easy,” she laughed. “Come and sit here. We have some work to do before we can make you pretty.”
I sat in the chair and wondered what she was talking about? I expected to just have makeup put on shoot some pictures and go home, I was wrong.
“When I saw your pictures, I couldn’t help seeing how beautiful you are, but there was something that bothered me. Your eyebrows have never been shaped. Luckily fuller brows are the fashion today so it won’t take long to make you pretty again,” Shirley laughed. Mom visibly paled.
Shirley took tweezers in hand and removed a few hairs above my nose and then a bit more above my eyes and finally a bit more at the end of my brows.
“There, better,” she stated.
I looked at my reflection in the mirror and she was right, they were better. They looked much like they had originally, except now they were feminine looking. I liked they way they looked, I’m not so sure about Mom.
“I’m going to have to remove your wig sweetie while I do your face. Karen will style it while I work on you.”
Shirley removed the wig and handed it to Karen.
“My, what did you do to your hair?”
“Amanda decided she wanted a boys cut and Cindy gave it to her. She had such beautiful hair before the cut,” Mom explained. It was obviously a story she had thought of knowing the question would be asked.
“Well don’t you do that again, young lady,” Shirley admonished, “You’re much too pretty to do that to yourself.”
Shirley went to work on my face. When Gloria had done my face she used some eye makeup and lip-gloss but Shirley did so much more. When she finished I looked like I was a fourteen year old girl, and I was spectacular.
“You’ll notice that you look a little older. That’s because we’re aiming for an older crowd since twelve-year old girls usually don’t buy makeup. As I change your makeup, you’ll look even older, until you’ll look like you’re twenty years old, but don’t worry, it will be tasteful.”
I was led into the photo studio to meet the photographer.
“Hello, Amanda, I’m Miranda Sterling and I’ll be taking your pictures today. Your last photographer did a wonderful job with your portfolio and I hope I can capture you as well as he did.”
“Hi,” I said, and gave a little wave.
“This will be fun Amanda, so let’s get started.”
Miranda placed me behind a table and had me sit.
“All I’m going to shoot is your face, so I’d like you to have a good time.
Miranda started shooting, asking me to pout, smile, frown, and all kinds of other expressions, and it was fun. She was really nice and made me laugh more than once. About an hour later she finished and asked me to return to see Shirley again. This routine continued for the rest of the day and we finally finished around five o’clock, a nearby restaurant had catered lunch.
“We’re all done here, Amanda, go see Shirley so she can remove your makeup. It wouldn’t do to have it ruin your beautiful complexion. You were wonderful to work with.”
Shirley removed my makeup, kissed my cheek and we said our goodbyes. Now all we had left was the long drive home.
School was out for the summer, which left me spending more time with Cindy.
“How did your photo session go?” she asked.
“It was fun.”
“How did Amanda feel about it?”
“How should she feel about it?”
“I don’t know, I just wondered if there were any issues with it?”
“Not really. I was just a face to put makeup on. I don’t think it had anything to do with being Amanda, or Mark for that matter.”
“You seemed torn between Amanda and Mark last week. You know there’s nothing wrong with being a girl and wanting to be a carpenter too?”
“I don’t want to be a carpenter, I was just helping my dad.”
“You love your father, don’t you?”
“Yes, I want to be just like him when I grow up.”
“You silly girl, you can be like your mother, not your father,” she giggled.
“But I can. You’re confusing me Cin. I don’t know what I want to do. I wish I could live as a girl to see if I really want to be one.”
“You already are a girl.”
“You know what I mean, dress as one live as one everyday for a year and then I’d know that I’m not just in love with the dress or some other thing.”
“What other thing?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Come on Amanda, what happened?”
“It was when I shaved my legs before we went to San Francisco. When I did that I felt more like a girl than when I wore that dress. It felt so right.”
“See, I told you. Amanda you’re a girl. You can fight it all you want, but you’ll never change that fact. I don’t know why you don’t tell your parents?”
“God, you know my mom, she’d kill me.”
“Maybe not.”
“She would, trust me.”
“Do you want to try on some of my old clothes? They don’t fit me anymore and I’m sure they would fit you.”
“No, I’d better not. I’m having enough problems trying to deal with my feelings, but maybe later,” I said, leaving the door open to the suggestion.
Cindy had been growing as of late. She had gained four inches in the last three months and she had become softer looking. Puberty was definitely visiting Cindy Meyer.
Gloria called Mom two weeks later to inform her that I would be in the next month’s ads in all the women’s magazines as their featured model. She said Lush was beside themselves with excitement for the ads. She said I was going to be big in the industry.
Three days later an incident happened that would influence the rest of my life.
Lashes Chapter 8
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Lashes
Chapter 8
It was Mom and Dad’s wedding anniversary so they went out to dinner and dancing. It was a date like the old days. They rolled in around one AM, laughing and carrying on like a bunch of kids, Yuk. Anyway they went to bed and I heard some moans and shrieks, mainly from Mom and the thought of what they were doing make me want to puke, I could never imagine my Mom and Dad making love and figured they only did it once before and I was the result.
Dad had to work the next day and got up at his usual five AM. He kissed mom goodbye and left for work. Once Mom was awake she could never get back to sleep so she got up and made some coffee for herself. I was in that zone between sleep and waking where everything seemed to be clad with fuzzy cotton. I vaguely heard the phone ring and a moment later I heard a cup hit the floor, shattering into a hundred pieces.
“NO,” Mom wailed.
My eyes snapped open as I ran from my bed.
“Mom, what’s happened?”
“It’s your father. He’s been in an accident. They’re taking him the to the hospital in Roseville, get your clothes on.”
I ran to my room and was dressed in less that a minute. Mom was waiting for me in the car.
It took an hour with traffic to reach the hospital. Mom parked the car and ran into the hospital with me following close behind.
“Where’s Lance James?” she almost shouted as she approached the nurse- receptionist.
“He’s in surgery, and you are?”
“I’m his wife, what happened?”
“He was in a car accident near Auburn. The police think he fell asleep and lost control of his car. He’s had severe head trauma and his left leg is broken. He’ll be in surgery for another hour.”
“Will he be okay?” Mom asked as tears filled her eyes.
“We don’t know, Mrs. James. If we can relieve the pressure on his brain and if he doesn’t get an infection he might live, but it’s too early to tell.”
“Oh God,” Mom whimpered.
“Please sit down, we’ll let you know as soon as we know anything.”
Mom and I went into the waiting area and found two empty chairs. The room held twenty chairs and more than half were filled.
“Mom, is Dad going to be okay?” I asked.
Moms could cure everything, and if she said he would be okay, then he would be okay. Moms work miracles.
“I don’t know honey, I really don’t,” she answered, defeat showing in her voice.
We sat without speaking for almost two hours. The nurse called us to let us know how Dad was doing.
“Mrs. James,” she called.
Mom looked up with a startled look on her face.
“Yes?” she asked, as she stood and walked to the nurse’s station. I followed.
“Your husband is out of surgery and is stabilized, however he has had serious damage to his brain, how serious we won’t know until he’s awake. We’re going to move him into ER and you’ll be able to sit with him, but I’m afraid we don’t allow children in the room. She can wait in the emergency waiting room.”
“But he’s only twelve,” Mom said.
“I’m sorry, but those are the rules, and I’m sorry, I thought he was a girl. I’ll keep an eye on him, he’ll be fine.”
That was it; I would have to stay in the waiting room.
I picked up a magazine to read and found a seat. It was going to be a very long day and night.
Mom decided it wouldn’t do any good for me to stay at the hospital and called Gloria to see if she would pick me up and have me stay with Cindy and her. Dad was in a coma and we didn’t know how long it would be before he woke. Mom wanted to stay by his side and there was no way she wanted me to remain alone in the waiting room. There were some really scary people in there and I’m glad she sent me home.
Gloria picked me up around seven on the evening. Cindy charged into the waiting room and threw her arms around me.
“Oh Mark. I’m so sorry,” She cried.
“Thanks,” I replied, “Oh Cindy, what are we going to do?” I cried.
Gloria went to the nurse’s station to have them inform my mom she was here. Mom walked from the door to the ER looking like death warmed over. Her distress was obvious from the look on her face.
“Gloria, thank you for coming.”
“Rachel, you and Mark are like family, I should be here. How’s Lance doing?”
“He’s still in a coma so they don’t know how extensive the damage is. The doctor doesn’t know how long he’ll be in one and I don’t want to leave his side in case he wakes. I might be here for a week or more, they just don’t know,” Mom said, desperately.
“We’ll don’t you worry. We have an extra bedroom and Mark can stay for as long as you want. You just take care of your husband, Mark will be just fine with us.”
“Thank you Gloria. I’d better say goodbye to Mark so you can be on your way. I’ll call you later and give you an update, Mark,” Mom called.
I went to her and she gathered me in her arms.
“Honey, I want you to go with Mrs. Meyer and Cindy. You’ll be staying with her while I’m here with your father. Be a good boy and do what she asks you to do. I’ll call you everyday. I love you my pretty, pretty boy,” she said, brushing my hair off my forehead with her hand and then pulled me into a hug. I could feel her tears on my shoulder.
“I love you Mom.”
Cindy tried to engage me in conversation during the ride home, but I just didn’t feel like talking. All I could do was worry about the father I loved so dearly and prayed he would be coming home soon.
The next few days at Cindy’s were uneventful. Gloria got me settled in the spare bedroom and now Cindy and I were together constantly, and other than that my life was as it always was, I played with Cindy, was her best friend and that was it. No mention was made of Amanda, other than a few times by Cindy and never by her mom. During my third day with Cindy, things changed.
The phone had ringed and Gloria was in deep conversation for several minutes.
“Mark, it’s your mother, she wants to talk to you.”
Mom called me everyday, but usually in the evening, so I wondered why she would be calling in the morning? I took the phone from Gloria.
“Hi Mom, how’s Dad?” I asked.
“Not so good, Honey. I already explained everything to Gloria and she knows what has to be done but I want you to hear it from me too. Your father had been stabilized, but this hospital doesn’t have the facilities to take care of him like they should, so he’s being transferred to SF General because they have one of the best trauma centers in the world. We’ll be leaving by ambulance in a few minutes and I’ll be going with him. I’ll call you later and let you know more when I find out what they plan to do with him,” Mom said, choking back tears.
“Mom, Dad’s going to be okay, you’ll see,” I said trying to comfort her.
“I know Honey, I’m just so worried.”
We spoke a little longer before I handed the phone back to Gloria.
Gloria hung up the phone and said, “ Well, it looks as though you’ll be staying with us for another week,” she said.
“Is that okay?”
“Of course it is. You’re like part of the family and I know you’re Cindy’s best friend. What do you think I’d do, put you out into the cold?” she laughed.
“No, I just thought I was being a problem staying here.”
“Heavens no, you’re no bother at all, but I think we should go by your house and get some clothes for you to wear. I don’t think wearing the same things over and over again is good for you.”
We went to my house and I packed a week worth of clothes, Mark clothes. Gloria said she didn’t want me dressing as Amanda without my mother’s blessing, no matter what Cindy wanted.
“Cindy, Mark’s a boy and I know you consider him to be your best girlfriend, but as far as I’m concerned, he’s our neighbor and I won’t be party to trying to change something that shouldn’t happen even if you wish it would. As far as I’m concerned Amanda is just a very pretty model who I represent for sessions and nothing more. What you and Mark do together is your business as long as you don’t get into trouble.”
“Yes Mom.”
So I pretty much moved in with Cindy and Gloria. Mom sent money to help Gloria with the added cost of me staying with her. Mom and I talked every night before I went to sleep.
A week and a half later Dad finally woke from his comma. Mom was sitting with him as she had done every day since his accident.
He looked up from his bed and saw her sitting with a book in hand.
“Rachel?”
Mom snapped her head up from the book and looked into her husband’s eyes.
“Oh my God, oh my God, Lance Honey, you’re awake, nurse,” she yelled.
The nurse came running to see what the commotion was all about. Seeing that my father was awake, she got on the phone to inform his doctor.
“How do you feel Mr. James?” the nurse asked.
“Sore, and why can’t I move my legs?”
“Um, uhh, I’ll let your doctor explain what’s happened to you.”
“Rachel, where am I, and where’s my daughter?”
Mom paused for a second before she asked, “Who?”
“Amanda, our daughter, where is she?”
Mom couldn’t believe her ears, what about Mark our son, she wondered?
“Uhh, she’s staying with Gloria and Cindy Meyers. You’re in a hospital in San Francisco. Do you remember what happened to you?”
My father got a serious expression on his face, trying to remember what had happened? The doctor entering the room saved him from the disappointment of memory loss.
“Mr. James, you’re awake. I’m Dr. Workman your attending physician. Do you know where you are?”
“My wife told me, in San Francisco, why can’t I move my legs?”
“You were in an accident and had serious head trauma. You’ve been in a coma for almost two weeks and it’s nice to see you coming around.”
“What about my legs?”
“We’re not sure why you can’t move them, but your head injury probably has something to do with it. One of your legs was broken in the accident. It’s going to take time for us to evaluate your injury, but you being awake, is a very big first step. I want you to rest for now and then we can take you for some tests later in the day. After we do, we’ll now the best course of action for you. Get to know your wife again, it’s been a while since you’ve spoken to her.”
Dr. Workman left my parents alone to talk.
“Rachel, what happened to me?” Dad asked.
“You fell asleep while you were driving to work. You’re lucky to be alive. God, I’ve been so worried about you. I have to ask you Lance, do you remember Mark?”
“Mark who?”
Mom sat in silence for a moment before answering.
“Never mind, just someone we knew.”
“When is Amanda coming to see me?”
“Maybe this weekend. We don’t want to rush things.”
“But she’s my daughter,” Dad implored.
“Let’s wait until you’ve finished with your tests. I’ll ask your doctor when it will be okay for her to visit,” Mom choked.
“What’s wrong Rachel? Did something happen to her?”
What was Mom going to say? Dad was awake and he was asking for his daughter, except he didn’t have a daughter. Oh sure his son had masqueraded as Amanda James, but why did he think he now had a daughter and not a son named Mark? It would take days before the extent of the damage to Lance’s head would be determined. Mom called to inform me that Dad was awake.
The phone rang and Gloria answered it.
“Hello.”
“Gloria, it’s Rachel, Lance has come out of the coma,” she said excitedly.
“Oh my God, oh Rachel, I’m so happy for you. How is he?”
“I don’t know yet. He’s had a lot of memory loss. He doesn’t remember Mark.”
“Oh no.”
“He thinks he has a daughter named Amanda. I don’t know what to do Gloria?”
“Did the doctor say if he’d remember?”
“Not yet. They’re going to take him for tests later this afternoon.”
“Let me get Mark so you can tell him the news. Mark, it’s your mother.”
My stomach lurched. Mom always called in the evening and I hoped she had good news. Gloria handed me the phone.
“Hi Mom.”
“Hi Sweetheart, your dad’s awake, Honey, your father’s awake,” Mom said. I could tell she was crying happy tears.
“Mom, really? When is he coming home?”
“Not for a while dear. He can’t move his legs,” she paused, “and he’s had some memory loss.”
“What do you mean memory loss?”
“Mark Honey, he doesn’t remember you?”
“He doesn’t remember me, I’m his son, Mom, how can he not remember me? We do everything together.” I said, and felt a tear roll down my cheek.
“Mark, that’s not all, he remembers Amanda and wants to see you, the Amanda you.”
“But how’s that possible? I’m Mark, not Amanda. Amanda’s just a……, I don’t know what she is?”
“Honey, I’ll know more tomorrow and he wants to see you. If I have to I’ll bring you here as Amanda then that’s what I’ll have to do. I don’t want anything to upset him until he’s finished with all of his tests.”
“Okay Mom.”
“Let me talk to Gloria, I love you Sweetheart.”
“I love you too, Mom.”
I handed the phone back to Gloria and walked back to Cindy’s room. I didn’t know how I should feel? My father didn’t know who I was? I hadn’t been Amanda for weeks and all my thoughts of being a girl had buried themselves deep in my mind. I knew that beautiful dress had messed me up because the longer I didn’t wear it the more like a boy I felt. I wasn’t unhappy, I liked being a boy and yet there was that niggling feeling I got when I was Cindy’s best girlfriend. If I was so happy being a boy, why did I like being her best girlfriend? God, Amanda Flowers was doing things to me that I just couldn’t control.
Cindy and I were playing a video game when her mother had called me to the phone.
“How’s your dad?” she asked, when I entered the room. “Oh God, you’ve been crying.”
“My dad’s awake.”
“Really?” she shrieked and gave me a hug.
“He doesn’t remember me,” I said, as the tears came again.
“Oh Mark,” she said as she held me tight.
Cindy held me for several minutes before I could talk again.
“My dad forgot who I am, but he remembered Amanda. He thinks he has a daughter.”
“Well, he does.”
“Cindy, I’m being serious, he only remembers Amanda and wants to see her in a few days.”
“Then be Amanda for your father and be her for yourself. I don’t know why you have to be Mark for God’s sake?”
“Because I like being, Mark.”
“And you don’t like being Amanda?”
“You know I do. You’re not being fair Cindy. I have a lot of things to worry about, and being Amanda isn’t one of them.”
“Oh come on Mark, you can’t seriously say that to me. I know you better than you know yourself. You’re my best girlfriend and you know that for a fact, and you’re not my girlfriend because you’re Mark. Face it, you’re Amanda even if you don’t want to admit it, but you will. I just hope it’s not to late when you do.”
I thought about what Cindy had said. Yes I did like being Amanda, but she just doesn’t understand that I like being Mark too.
Two days later found me at the hospital wearing a denim mini-skirt, a pink tank and white tennis shoes. I was the perfect twelve-year-old girl with my styled hair mascara and lip-gloss. As much as I didn’t want it, I was excited for Daddy to see his little girl.
The day had started early. Mom had driven home the night before and it was the first time I spent with her for over two weeks. Her hugs made the world feel right again.
The next morning I was up early. Mom wanted to be sure I was just perfect for my visit to the hospital. I pretty much did everything I did before the photo shoot, including shaving my legs. When Mom finished working on my hair and makeup I felt the familiar stirring in my stomach. I had missed Amanda terribly. Cindy had loaned me her old clothes that didn’t fit anymore with the promise that I would return home as Amanda so we could spend time together as two girls. I said I’d try.
I shyly entered my father’s room. His eyes were closed as he napped peacefully in his bed. Mom touched his shoulder to rouse him from his sleep.
“Lance Honey, I’m back,” Mom said, as Dad opened his eyes.
“I missed you,” Dad responded.
“Honey, I brought Amanda with me.”
When we arrived and Dad opened his eyes, he looked vacant, kind of like he was confused. It was as though he was searching for something and couldn’t find it. When Mom said I was here, his face changed, a brightness entered his eyes and a smile crossed his lips. Dad was truly happy that I was here.
“Hi Dad,” I said, Dad’s eyes filling with tears.
“Hi Honey, can I have a hug?” he asked.
I went to him and pulled tight to him with my head on his chest.
“Daddy,” I whispered.
We stayed that way for several minutes as both of us waited for the tears to stop. I love my father so much and seeing him like this was heart breaking.
“So, what’s my little girl been doing while I’ve been lying around?” he chuckled.
“I’ve been staying with Cindy,” I replied.
“Do I know her?”
“Yes Dad, she’s our neighbor and my best friend. You’ve met her.”
“I’m sure I have, I’m having problems remembering some things,” he said, wistfully.
I guess dad was, since he forgot who I really was, his son Mark, and why had he remembered Amanda? Dad’s doctor entered the room and smiled when he saw me.
“Well, you must be Amanda?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“Your father hasn’t stopped talking about you ever since your mother said she would bring you here today. I must say you’re just as beautiful as he said. I’m Dr. Workman and hopefully I’ll be sending your father home soon.”
“Thank you, I hope so.”
“How are you feeling Lance?”
“A hundred percent better now that my daughter’s here,” Dad said, smiling at me.
“I can see why, she’s a lovely young woman, now let me take a look at you. You ladies might want to get something to eat while I look at Lance. I’ll be finished in twenty minutes.”
“We’ll be back Honey, after the doctor has finished.”
Dad nodded his head.
Mom and I went to the cafeteria and actually paid to eat some of that fine hospital food. We finished and returned to Dad’s room just as Dr. Workman was leaving.
“Dr. how is my husband?” Mom asked.
“He seems to be improving, but there has been severe damage to his brain, but to what extent we’ll have to wait and see.
“He’s going to be here for a while, maybe another month and then he can start serious rehab. I’ll be honest with you Mrs. James, you’re in for a very long healing process and we have no idea if Lance will walk again, or more of his memory will return, only time will tell. I can tell you this though; he’s in the best possible place he can be right now. I’m going to okay Lance on very minor rehab tomorrow. The sooner he starts, the better the outcome will be.”
“How much is this going to cost?” Mom asked, a worried tone in her voice.
“That depends on how he responds to treatment. It’s not uncommon for treatment to cost over two hundred thousand dollars, and if he needs constant care for the rest of his life it could run into the millions, but from what I’ve seen so far, he’ll be able to care for himself so I wouldn’t worry too much about the last figure I mentioned.”
Mom had visibly paled when the money was mentioned.
“We have health insurance, but I know it won’t cover costs that large,” she said.
“Many people sell their homes, or take a mortgage to pay for the care. I’m sure you can think of something. I know it sounds callous but what’s more important, your husband or your house?” Dr. Workman said as he walked away.
Mom sagged onto a chair in Dad’s room. Tears filled her eyes as the hopelessness of the situation filled the room. I moved to her hoping Dad wouldn’t see her despair.
“Mom, we’ll get through this, don’t worry, let’s just get Dad, better.”
Mom lifted her tear filled eyes to me and managed a small smile.
“I love you Mark, my pretty, pretty boy.”
We spent the rest of the day with Dad. His spirits seemed to lift the longer we where with him. I was surprised that he remembered my fledgling modeling career but couldn’t remember his son. The fact that he couldn’t remember Mark bothered me and yet I felt some sort of satisfaction being Daddies little girl. If being a girl could help him get better, then that’s who I’ll be, his daughter Amanda, but for how long?
The hospital was nice enough to have placed a portable bed in Dad’s room for Mom to stay, but they wouldn’t allow me to remain overnight, so Mom drove us home after visiting hours ended. She would be returning in the morning.
“Honey, Amanda and I have to go. I’ll be back in the morning.”
Dad’s medication was making him tired and I could tell he was fighting sleep. I went to him to say goodbye.
“Goodbye, Daddy, I love you,” I said, as I snuggled into his chest.
“I love you too, my little princess,” he said, before he lost the battle to sleep.
His little princess, I was his princess, God this Amanda thing was so going to mess with my mind.
“Mark, thank you for doing this for me and your father today,” Mom said, as she drove off the end of the Bay Bridge and followed the highway toward 80 East.
“Mom I’d do this everyday if it would help Dad get better.”
“I know you would, you’re such a sweet boy. Are you sure you don’t mind being Amanda for your father?”
“Mom, didn’t you hear him? He called me his little princess. Mom, I liked it when he did, it made me feel special, kind of like his little girl.”
Mom was silent for a while before talking again.
“Mark, I worry when you dress like this. I worry you’ll like being a girl more than being a boy. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love you just as much whether you were Mark or Amanda, but you have to look at things from my point of view. You’ve always been my pretty little boy. I know we played our game, but it was just a game, a mother and her son doing something silly. I never thought anything would come of it. I love having a son and I worry that I might lose you.”
“Mom, I’m still your son, but as hard as it is to tell you this, I really have to. I love being Amanda when I’m Amanda. I feel like I’m a different person, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be Mark. Mom, I’m just so confused right now.”
“Oh Honey, what am I going to do with you? You’re such a pretty girl.”
“Mom, Cindy says I’m a girl.”
“She said what?”
“Cindy says I’m a girl, I just don’t know it yet.”
“How could she know that? I wonder about that girl sometimes. What does Gloria say?”
“She doesn’t say anything, in fact she told Cindy she wouldn’t allow me to dress as Amanda without your permission. I know she makes money from Amanda, but I don’t think she’s comfortable with me being her.”
“She hasn’t said anything to me.”
“Maybe I’m wrong. You know how Mrs. Meyer is sometimes, she can be a little intimidating.”
“Yes she can. Would you like to dress as Amanda?”
“I don’t know, Mom, but I guess I would sometimes. I hadn’t thought of being Amanda while Dad’s been in the hospital, but when I dressed this morning, I did miss being a girl.”
Mom was silent again. We were almost to the Carquinez Bridge before Mom spoke again.
“Mark, if you’d like, I’ll allow you to be a girl now and then. You have to see who you want to be and if you’re really a girl like Cindy says, then it would be best if we knew before you entered puberty. I’ll tell Gloria that I don’t mind if you experiment with being the girl you are right now. I can see why Cindy thinks you’re a girl. If I didn’t know better, I would think you were one too, and it’s not because of the clothes you’re wearing. The girl you, comes from inside and I don’t know what to do to change it.”
“But what about all the things I did with Dad?”
“You mean like playing ball and fishing?”
“Yes, those are guy things.”
“And girl things too. Mark activities aren’t exclusive to one sex or the other, they’re just activities. What I’m talking about is how you think and how you relate to other people. With you, those things are feminine, whereas with your father they’re masculine. You relate differently. I think that’s why you feel the way you do about being a girl. You know, there’s nothing wrong thinking like a girl and still be a boy.”
“But I like being a girl.”
“I see, and if you had to chose, would you chose to become a girl, or continue being a boy? Once you made the decision you couldn’t change your mind, you would either be a boy or girl. Do you see where I’m going with this?”
“I think I do.”
“Listen Honey, I don’t mind if you experiment with this boy, girl thing, but when you finally decide who you want to be, there will be no turning back and I’d love you just the same if you decide to become a girl. I also want you to know I’d rather you remained a boy. I just wonder how your father is going to react when he finds out his princess is really a boy named Mark?”
“Does he have to know?”
“Not right now he doesn’t, but it’s not a secret that is going to remain hidden when you start your puberty.”
“When is that going to happen?”
“It could be any day. Only your body knows for sure.”
“Do I have to go through puberty?”
“Yes Honey, I’m afraid you do.”
“If I want to be a girl, can I go through the same puberty as Cindy?”
“I imagine you could, but that would be a very big step to take. Don’t worry you’re not going to change into a man over night. It takes time and we’ll see where Amanda ends up in your life.”
“Yes Mom.”
Lashes Chapter 9
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Chapter 9
Cindy’s dad had been on a sales trip for a large corporation where he works. As sales manager he travels a lot and ever since his promotion, he’s rarely home. He returned home while I was with my mother in San Francisco and I wondered what his reaction was going to be when he saw me again?
Mom dropped me off at Cindy’s around nine in the morning. Luckily her father had already gone to work in Roseville and would be back home in the evening. He already told Gloria his stay would be brief and would be flying out to New York City in the morning.
I’m certainly no expert on marriages and the only barometer I have is my parents union, but I seemed to sense tension with the Meyers. I watch my mother sitting with my father day after day and could feel Gloria wouldn’t do the same for her husband. I don’t know if constant traveling on Mr. Meyer’s part causes the problem, or if there are things I don’t know about the marriage? Cindy has never said a word about her parents other than entering her in soccer before she became a model.
“Does your dad know I’m staying here?” I asked, when I returned to the Meyer’s home.
“Yes, he doesn’t have a problem with it. He feels really bad about your father.”
“Your dad and mine are good friends.”
“Until Dad got his new job. He’s never home anymore,” she said with a trace of bitterness in her voice.
“What does your mother think of his job?”
“She hates it. I swear they hardly talk anymore. I’m worried they might split up.”
“They won’t, I’m sure,” I said, trying to make Cindy feel better.
“Mom said she’s glad she has you for a client just in case something happens and Dad moves out.”
“God Cindy, I hope that doesn’t happen.”
“Me too.”
“Does your father know about Amanda?”
“Mom said something about her to him, but I don’t know what? Dad’s pretty open minded so I don’t think he’d have a problem with it.”
“I hope not.”
“Hey, you promised to bring my clothes back to me with them on your body?”
“Sorry, Mom was in a rush this morning when she dropped me off, and well, I thought it would be best to be Mark.”
“You could change now.”
“Cindy, I really don’t want to right now. I’m not in an Amanda mood. I miss my mother and she’s only been gone for an hour. I’m so worried about my father, I just wish there was something I could do for him.”
“You will when he comes home. How did he feel about seeing you again?”
“He called me his princess.”
“Did you like it when he did?”
“Very much. I thought I would hug him to death. He really loves me, the Amanda me.”
“Do you think he’ll remember Mark?”
“It’s too early to tell. You should have seen his eyes light up when he first saw me, God Cindy, I felt so wanted.”
“Even more than when you were, Mark?”
“No, it was just different. I felt like he wanted to protect me whereas, when I’m Mark, he wanted to spend time with me, to show me things, you know, how to be a man.”
“And you didn’t feel that way as Amanda?”
“No, I just felt different, like he wanted to build a moat around me and worship me. Oh Cindy, I felt so special and so much like a girl. If being a girl could bring my father back, I’d be one in a heartbeat.”
“Maybe being Amanda might bring him back.”
Cindy’s dad came home a little after seven in the evening with a bouquet of flowers for Gloria.
“Honey, I’m home,” he yelled, as he entered the house.
“We’re in the kitchen,” she yelled back.
Ron Meyer entered the kitchen and handed the flowers to his wife. I couldn’t help seeing a thawing in their relationship as they kissed hello. Ron saw me sitting with Cindy looking at her portfolio.
“Mark, how’s your dad?” he asked.
“He’s a little better. He’s out of his coma, but doesn’t remember what happened.”
“Don’t worry, he’ll get better.”
“I hope so.”
“Hey, I heard you’re getting into modeling just like Cindy?”
“Yes sir.”
“Good for you. You don’t meet many boy models these days.”
Boy models? What had Gloria told her husband about me, and what had she left out?
“Umm, I’m not really a boy model sir.”
“Of course you are, what else would you be?” he asked, and then the penny dropped.
Ron paled as he looked intently at my face. You could have cut the tension with a knife.
“Uh, does your mother and father know?”
“They had to sign the permission papers.”
“I see, well for what its worth, you’re very pretty.”
The rest of the evening was tense and to be honest I was glad to see him go in the morning. I wondered what he would be telling his fellow employees about the freak living in his house?
The next three weeks passed quickly. I visited Dad four times, always as Amanda. I was becoming very comfortable as a girl which made me wonder what it was doing to the boy I had been for my whole life? Cindy finally talked me into dressing for her, which I did twice. To be honest, I didn’t feel any different than I did when dressed as Mark. I suppose Cindy had a point, I was whom ever I was inside and the outside didn’t matter. She was adamant that I was a girl and the more I thought about it I think she might be right, but if that was the case, why was I so happy being a boy?
The big moment in my life finally arrived. Cindy’s subscription to Teen magazine arrived with my picture in it. Actually there was more than one of me and Gloria went through the roof with excitement. I had made the inside of the front cover, a foldout in the middle and the rear cover of the magazine.
“Mark do you know what this means?” she asked.
“No.”
“You’re their featured model. You just made the big time sweetie.”
She explained that those were the most important places to be in the magazine. They also cost the most amount of money to advertise. Looking at the ads, I knew something was special. I don’t remember what I looked like during the shoot and especially looking as pretty as I did. There was no doubt as to who Lush wanted for their girl because next to my picture was my name in white print, Amanda Flowers.
Cindy and I spent the next five minutes hugging and squealing like a couple of teen girls even though we were still twelve years old.
“Girls, put something on. We have to go to the market and see if the other magazines have these pictures in them.”
Cindy and I had been lounging around playing video games and just talking. I was of course dressed as Mark, so I wondered why Gloria would address me as a girl? I guess after seeing the ad, I could hardly be addressed as a boy, I was beautiful.
We dressed, Cindy in her jeans and me in my shorts and a T-shirt. I looked like a scruffy girl or a typical boy, but it was summer time and it was expected.
We arrived at the market and headed straight to the magazine section and started looking at the latest issues of teen and women’s publications. I was in every one of them, some featuring me in the most looked at part and others not so prominently placed such as Vogue, but I was there. When I looked at myself it was as though I was seeing someone else altogether. I was Mark James, and all I saw was an absolutely gorgeous girl named Amanda Flowers. Looking at my face I could see why Lush had wanted me for their model, I just couldn’t relate to me being that girl.
Gloria bought all the magazines with my picture in them. It cost her a fortune.
“We need to see what they did with your photos and how they were used. I hope they didn’t photo-shop them, although I don’t know why they would, you’re so pretty.”
“Why would they change the pictures?”
“You’d be surprised, but I doubt it will happen in your case.”
We returned to Cindy’s and went through all the magazines. I was surprised at how I looked. As I said, I just couldn’t relate to being that beautiful girl. I looked older, maybe sixteen or seventeen and it was kind of flattering. The only a part of me you could see was my head and a little bit of my neck. I was wearing my wig and it was styled perfectly. My lashes drew attention to my eyes in ways I didn’t think was possible. They were long and luxurious.
“Your eyes are so pretty,” Gloria said. “It’s hard to believe your not wearing false lashes.”
“They’ve always been that long.”
“And that’s why Lush picked you to be their model. Believe me Amanda, you’re going to go a long way in this business.”
“What happens if they find out about Mark?”
“Honey, we’ll make sure no one does.”
Mom called later that evening and the news wasn’t good on my father.
“Honey, the doctors think your father’s brain damage is worse than they thought. It’s going to be a long stretch of therapy before he can return home.”
“Mom, we’ll be okay,” I said, “Guess what?”
“What Honey?”
“My picture is in a bunch of magazines.”
“They are?”
“Yes, and I look really pretty.”
Mom was silent for several seconds before she spoke.
“Which ones, Mark. I’ll buy one to see how my pretty, pretty boy looks.”
I named off several publications for her to look at.
“I’ll bring an issue back for your father to see. I’m sure he’ll be very happy to see his daughter, the model.”
“I hope so Mom, and Mom, please don’t be ashamed of me. I really like being a model.”
“Honey, I’m not ashamed of you, in fact just the opposite. I’m just worried about what this might do to you. You’re much too sweet and I worry about you.”
“Mom, I’ll be fine. You don’t have to worry about me.”
“I’m not worried about you sweetie, I’m worried about Amanda.”
“Mom, Amanda will be fine.”
“I hope so. Goodnight honey, I’ll tell your father I talked to you.”
“Mom, please tell him I love him.”
“I will.”
The news about my father was unsettling. As a child you thought your father was indestructible. Fathers and mothers were forever and were always there to lean on. Dad was the strong one, a real man, with the confidence in himself to not have to prove anything to anybody. He knew how to treat people and how he wanted people to treat him and his family. I still remember how he reacted to mascara when I was barely past infancy, it was fun and I was his little man. There was none of the BS that a boy couldn’t wear mascara, or any other makeup, it was just makeup. My father is a special man, and I miss him. My memories of our time together, fishing and becoming a man were special, but my dearest memory was when he held me tight to his chest as his daughter, his Amanda.
Dad was moved out of a private room into a semi-private one to save the cost private rooms demanded. Mom was very worried about how long the insurance would last before she had to dip into their savings. I think my father liked being with someone he could talk to while he recuperated, other than my mother. Since the room was no longer private my mother was going to return home and would visit every other day. The best part of that was I would join her to visit my father but as Amanda. I liked that I would be able to spend more time as a girl. Being Amanda had become a forgotten person even with the publication of my pictures. It just seemed easier to remain Mark, but as I began dressing as Amanda, I wondered why I hadn’t become her more often. I loved being Amanda and I hope my mother will become more at ease with her. Only time will tell.
A month passed and the new issues of the magazines came out again and I was featured as prominently as before. Gloria got a call from Hollywood Modeling and they requested another photo session. Lush Cosmetics was ecstatic with the result of the ads featuring me. Their sales had gone through the roof. Apparently all the girls that had written to, Lush, wanted to be just like Amanda Flowers, lashes and all. They needed new pictures so an appointment was made for the following week. Also during the call they mentioned several clothing lines had shown interest in having Amanda Flowers model a tweens line. Gloria said we would think about it, but asked how much they were offering, reminding them that Amanda Flowers was now a popular commodity. She thanked them and hung up the phone.
“Amanda, Honey, you’ve done it, there’s no turning back now. Everyone wants a piece of you. When things like this happen, it’s so exciting. I can’t wait for them to make an offer to you for the clothing line. I hope your ready for this, because you’re going to be very busy.”
“I’m fine I guess. I can hardly wait to tell Mom about it.”
“While you’re at it, you might ask your mother to send you to a salon. Your hair has grown long enough to style and it would be better if you showed your real hair rather than a wig. If they want they can supply you with longer hair and weave it in with extensions. You should do it as soon as possible because you’re going to have a hard time finding time for even a hairstyle.”
“I’ll ask Mom when I get home.”
It was dinnertime and I walked home. Mom had been living back home ever since Dad was moved to the semi-private room and we wouldn’t be going back to the hospital for two more days. I think Mom might be okay with me having my hair styled since I’ve been spending more time as Amanda now that I go with her to see Dad. I love the way his eyes light up when he sees me. Being Daddy’s little girl is a very special feeling.
“Mom, I’m home,” I said, as I entered the door.
“Dinner’s ready, I’m in the kitchen,” she replied.
I walked to the kitchen and saw Mom had made fried chicken, my favorite.
“Wash your hands and then we’ll eat,” Mom said.
I washed at the sink, drying my hands on the dishtowel. Mom had placed the chicken, some steamed broccoli and rice on the table. My mouth was watering.
“What’s the occasion, Mom?”
“Nothing special, except for you,” she answered.
“Mom, Mrs. Meyer got a call from the modeling agency today.”
“What did they say? Do they want to end the contract?”
“Gosh, no, in fact they want to do another photo shoot, and some clothing company wants me to model their clothes.”
“My goodness, it sounds as though you’re going to make some extra money for college.”
“That’s not all. Mrs. Meyer said I should have my hair styled. She says it’s long enough now.”
I couldn’t miss the frown on Mom’s face.
“I don’t know Mark, that’s an awfully big step for you.”
“But Mom, it will be so much easier than having to wear a wig all the time.”
“Oh Really,” she laughed. “ And what makes you think having your hair styled will make it easier for you?”
“I won’t have to care for the wig and the wig’s hot when I wear it. I’m always trying to cool my head.”
“You know, that makes sense, because I’m sure you’ll never have to brush and style your hair every morning when you get up, nor will you shampoo and condition it when you bathe or set it after you’ve wet it, No siree having your own long hair sounds like a walk in the park.”
“Mom, please, I really want this. I’m tired of wearing the wig.”
“You know if you do have your hair styled, you’re going to look like a girl all the time?”
“I look like a girl now.”
“No Mark, you look like a boy with a pretty face. Let me think about it, okay?”
“Yes Mom, but I really, really want to do this, and Mrs. Meyer said I might be able to have extensions put in too,” I said, excitedly.
“Extensions? God where did my little boy go?”
Mom talked to Gloria the next day. I don’t know what they discussed but Mom agreed to have my hair styled, extensions and all. She even agreed to have it done at a very up scale salon in San Francisco and Gloria would foot the bill. Gloria made an appointment for both Cindy and I to have our hair done at the same time. It would be fun.
We drove to San Francisco early Friday morning as our appointments were at ten in the morning. Cindy was just going to have a cut and style, but I was going to get extensions. I wasn’t finished until three in the afternoon. My hair was styled much the same as the wig, not too long but a little too mature for a twelve-year-old girl. The style was a bob that framed my face and ended just above my shoulders. It was a style I loved when I saw it. Because of the money Gloria spent they threw in a light makeover on my face. Amanda Flowers walked out of the salon, head held high; ready to take on the world.
We visited my father after my trip to the salon. He had tears in his eyes when he saw me.
“I’m the luckiest man in the world to have a daughter as pretty as you.”
“Thank you Daddy,” I said and, hugged him tightly.
The four of us stayed until visiting hours were over and then went for a bite to eat. Gloria suggested Bix, a supper club that had live Jazz, saying she knew the Manager and could get us in. True to her word we took a cab to the restaurant and entered the building.
Now, let me describe Bix. Being from Colfax, the closest thing to fine dining I had ever had was a burger at Ikeda’s on Interstate Eighty. This place took my breath away. From the outside you’d never think it would be the type of restaurant it was, it’s in an old brick building in the historic district of San Francisco. Walking through tall steel doors into the entry and then into the dinning room was an experience I’ll never forget. On the right was a long bar with people standing and laughing as they drank what ever it was they were drinking, probably cocktails. To the left was a dinning room and a stairway to the second story level of tables. At the rear was a piano player and singer entertaining the room full of people. The hostess led us to the upper level and seated us at a corner table with a Picasso sculpture in a cabinet behind the table, protected by glass. At our location we drew more than our share of stares. I had worn the short dress I had fallen so in love with during our first photo session and with my hair and makeup I felt like my father’s princess. I’m not going to draw this out, but needless to say the food was wonderful and I ate caviar for the first time. We were served little potato puffs with this black stuff on top, after I ate one and gushed about how good it was, Mom said the black stuff was caviar, fish eggs. I almost went eww, but learned it might sound gross, but it tasted so good I wanted another. There were four on the plate so we each had one.
“Amanda, there ‘s going to be more food, so don’t be disappointed that you only had one. Fine dinning is like that. You savor each plate, you’ll see, there’s no need to eat a pile of food when everything tastes so good.”
A strange thing happened halfway through the meal. A Family of four left and walked to the stairway from the other side of the restaurant. . The daughter kept looking at me and just before the family started down the stairs, she walked to our table. She appeared to be around fourteen years old and was quite pretty. Her clothes were ones I wished I owned.
She looked at me and asked, “You’re Amanda Flowers, aren’t you?”
I felt my face turning red as I answered, “Yes.”
“Oh God, I knew it. I told my mother you were, but Mother said you wouldn’t be having dinner here. I love your eyes and Mother bought me your entire line of makeup. God I’m so jealous of your lashes, you’re so pretty,” She gushed.
“Lindsey, leave the poor girl alone, we have to go.”
“Oh God, wait until I tell my girlfriends that I met Amanda Flowers, they’re going to be sooo jealous.”
Lindsey turned and walked away, leaving me speechless.
Lashes Chapter 10
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Chapter 10
After the incident with Lindsey I couldn’t help but wonder what my friends back home would have thought about the new Mark? Because of the accident I hadn’t played with any of my guy friends since Dad went into the hospital. Being a small community word had spread quickly of my father’s accident and not being seen by anyone didn’t cause a stir. Now that my hair had been styled and not cut could bring the attention I had hoped to avoid, mainly me becoming a female model. I wasn’t too worried about being teased because whom ever did that to me knew what the result would be, a bloody nose courtesy of tough as nails, Mark James.
Mrs. Meyers paid for dinner, as I knew Mom couldn’t afford anything this extravagant. I would later learn Gloria wrote it off as a business expense and paid for with money earned from her fees for my services. Finishing dinner, we drove home, but with more conversation than usual. Most of the time we went to San Francisco our conversation ebbed by the time we reached Richmond as sleep over took our tired bodies, by not tonight. The excitement of dinner and being recognized by Lindsey kept us deep in conversation until we reached home.
“I couldn’t believe that girl coming right up to our table to ask if you were Amanda Flowers,” Cindy said.
“You’d better get used to it Amanda, you’re a celebrity now and this may have been the first time, but it certainly won’t be the last. It might even become a distraction in your life,” Gloria said.
“I didn’t mind, I thought it was kind of cool.”
“Speaking of distractions, school starts in another month and I’d like to know what we’re going to do with Amanda then?” Mom asked.
“That shouldn’t be a problem, Mom, My hair will be longer and I’ll just muss it up, no one will know.”
“I’m afraid that’s not possible,” Gloria said. “You’re Amanda Flowers now, and Amanda Flowers doesn’t let her hair look messy. You’ll be having it styled every two weeks until you opt out of your contract. You have two photo shoots scheduled already and as word spreads you’ll have many more. That signing bonus from Lush will look like beans compared to what other lines offer you. You’re going to be a very rich young lady.”
“Mark’s fellow students and his teachers will never put up with him being Amanda at school. He might be tough, but he’s not stupid and the bullies will just gang up on him. You know they could care less if a fight is fair.”
We sat quietly for several minutes. Mom was right about the bullies and I might have kicked Frank’s ass twice, but if I showed up at school as a girl even the non bullies would be more than happy to give Frank a hand. At the moment I didn’t feel so pretty anymore, I felt betrayed.
“I think there’s a solution,” Gloria said. “There is a private school in Auburn where rich parents send their kids just so they can avoid the unpleasantness of bullying in the public schools. Amanda could attend school there.”
“Gloria, there’s no way I could afford that, what with Lance in the hospital. I’m worried enough that his insurance is going to run out before he finishes his rehabilitation, so the added expense of private school is out of the question for Mark.”
“Rachel, we’re not talking about Mark here, we’re talking about Amanda and what’s best for her. Amanda could pay for the school out of the money she already has and barely make a dent in it. With the new clients she has that money will seem like a drop in the bucket. I can’t think of another solution other than Amanda giving up her career, but that’s your decision to make.”
“But what will happen to Mark?”
“I’m afraid Mark will have to be Amanda everyday for this to work. The school wouldn’t put up with a boy showing up when a girl is supposed to be there.”
“Gloria, I’m going to have to think about this. I don’t like what we’ve been doing to Mark so far and making him live, as a girl wasn’t what we signed on for. This modeling thing has gotten completely out of hand and if we continue with it, I don’t know what will happen to my son?”
“I know Rachel, and I’m sorry, but if you decide to have Mark back you can kiss Amanda’s career goodbye, that and the millions of dollars she will earn. If you decide to have Mark back I’ll understand and will support you any way I can.”
“Thank you Gloria, you’re a special friend.”
Gloria dropped us off and Mom got the mail. It was after one in the morning. She opened a letter from the Insurance Company handling Dad’s accident.
“No,” she wailed.
“What’s wrong Mom?” I asked.
“It’s the insurance company. They say Dad’s benefits will run out August seventh. He just started therapy and has shown slight improvement. We can’t stop now,” she said as her eyes filled with tears.
“Isn’t there something we can do?”
“Mark, honey, we don’t have savings and what little we have in the bank barely pays the bills as it is. We might have to sell the house to pay your father’s medical bills.”
I lowered myself onto the sofa and crossed my ankles to keep my legs together. In the dress I was wearing, exposure of myself was a real possibility, and even though Mom knew everything about me, I had become used to being a lady and not showing everything I owned.
“Mom, I think there’s something else we can do. We can use the money I make modeling to pay for Dad.”
“Mark, I won’t hear of it. That money’s for college and I won’t have you paying medical bills with it.”
“Mom I have more than enough for college, college and that private school in Auburn and Mrs. Meyers said I’m going to make a lot more.”
“But it’s your money.”
“I know Mom, and I want to spend it on Dad. I love my father so much and if I can help him get better than that’s what I want to do.”
“You’re so mature for a twelve year old boy.”
“Mom, I’m almost thirteen.”
“Of course, that does make a difference,” she chuckled.
Mom accepted my offer with hesitation and but the relief was clearly visible on her face. Her most serious concern, though, was what would happen to her pretty, pretty boy.
Mom informed Gloria that I would have to attend the school in Auburn, starting in September. Gloria was ecstatic because her meal ticket would continue to bring much-needed funds into her bank account. It’s not that Cindy’s father didn’t make good money, it was just that Cindy’s mom spent more than he made, so her little sideline, mainly me, allowed her to live the life she wanted to live.
The next two weeks were very busy for Amanda. We had two photo shoots, one for Lush and the other for a clothing line. Both were fun at first, but grew to be tedious by the end of the shoot. The clothing line wanted to shoot over two days so Mom and I stayed in the City so we wouldn’t have to drive back and forth to Colfax. I noticed the busier I got the more time I spent as Amanda, not that I’m complaining as I’ve grown quite fond of being her, it’s just that I miss being Mark. As much as I love being a girl a part of me misses the boy just as much. I’m not sure if it’s the boyish activities I miss or I actually just want to be a boy and Amanda is all an act? I’m sure I’ll know more after school starts and I have to be Amanda twenty four seven. This year is going to be a very interesting experiment for me.
With the photo shoots finished, Cindy and I just did kid things and spent lots of time watching our birds raise their babies in the oak tree. Our time at our special place was a wonderful distraction to all that was happening to me. I didn’t spend any time with the boys like I used to, mainly because of my hair, which was styled once again before the clothing shoot. Now I was able to be Mark again, only with a girl’s hairstyle, but I was still a boy once again.
Mom concentrated on enrolling me in school. The school in Auburn accepted me, well the Amanda me, and all I needed to enroll was a physical. Apparently Gloria had been spending time on that, knowing it would become an issue at sometime in the future.
“Rachel, I have a doctor in San Francisco that specializes in gender issues willing to take Amanda as a patient. I explained that Amanda needs a physical to enroll in school and she said it wouldn’t be a problem, so I made an appointment for next week. Dr. Williams asked if you could have Mark’s medical records forwarded to her before you saw her?” Gloria asked.
“I’ll call right away. I’m still very apprehensive of what we’re doing.”
“Don’t worry Rachel, you’re making the right decision and to be honest, how else would you afford to pay for Lance’s therapy?”
“I know Gloria, I feel so bad about what Mark is doing with his money. I just wish there was another way.”
The following week found me in the doctor’s office. I was dressed as Amanda and the appointment had been made in her name. The latest issue of Teen was on the table and I saw my picture on the back cover. I still had a hard time thinking of the girl in the picture as being me.
“Amanda, the doctor will see you now.”
Mom and I were led to a small room with an examination table, a chair and a computer monitor.
“Please put this gown on, the doctor will be right in,” the attendant said, handing me a paper gown, before closing the door.
I removed my clothes but left my panties on hoping I wouldn’t have to remove them.
The door opened and a woman in her early thirties entered the room. Her hair was pulled into a ponytail revealing a plain but kind face. Her eyes sparkled as a smile crossed her lips. I like her the moment I saw her and felt I could trust her.
“Hello Amanda, I’m Dr. Williams,” she said.
“Hi.”
“I guess we should start with why you’re here today?”
“Amanda needs a physical for entry into her new school,” Mom interjected.
“I see, but why didn’t you go to your regular physician. I sure you’re aware that I specialize in helping children with special needs?”
“Dr. we know that and I’m sure you know Amanda is really a boy who needs digression with regards to his sex and medical needs?” Mom asked.
“So I gather her usual physician has never met Amanda?”
“No.”
“Okay, let’s get the school problem out of the way and then I think we’re going to have to talk about some of Amanda’s other needs. Amanda, you’re going to have to remove your gown and I’m sorry to say, your panties too.”
I did as she asked and my examination began. I was poked and prodded, weighed and measured for height. The only part of the exam I didn’t like was when Dr. Williams felt my private parts, and even though she did it gently, I didn’t like it.
“We’re finished Amanda, you can put your clothes back on. Mrs. James, Amanda is in fine health and there’s no reason that she can’t attend school in the fall, but there are other issues we should address. Amanda has grown four inches in the last year and is just short of five feet tall. She’s going to turn thirteen in another month and I can almost guarantee her growth won’t stop for sometime. This brings us to a different problem for her. Amanda hasn’t started her puberty yet, or maybe I should say Mark hasn’t, but it could be any day now and if your wish is for Amanda to remain as feminine as possible, you shouldn’t let that happen. Amanda is a very pretty girl and if puberty was to start, that could all change. When I fist saw Amanda she looked familiar, and I still can’t place her?”
There was a copy on last months Teen in a magazine holder on the wall. I pulled it out and showed her the back cover with my picture on it.
“That’s me.”
“Of course, Amanda Flowers, the Lush girl, and they don’t know you’re a boy?”
“No, and I like modeling for them so I would hate to start looking like a man if I didn’t have to.”
“There is something I could do for you that would delay your puberty, but your mom will have to agree with what I would do to you. I could give you hormone blockers to delay puberty until you went off of them. There won’t be any damage to your body as long as we don’t keep you on them forever, but the sooner you decide the better the outcome will be. Now, there are other issues we need to discuss if Amanda is going to attend school as a girl. I can do my part with regards to your body, but there are legal issues that must be taken care of before you attend school. First is your legal identity and old school records. You’re a minor so changing your driver’s license won’t be a problem, but we’ll need to change every thing else about you. The only thing an attorney won’t be able to fix is your birth certificate, that is until you have surgery to change your sex. I’m not an expert on the legal aspect but I know a little about it and I have a friend who’s an attorney that handles issues like this. I’ll give you his number so you can take care of the legal end of your problem. Another requirement I have is that you see a mental therapist to work with you to find out who Amanda James really is? So, what do you think, do I start you on your blockers today?”
“Mom, can I, please?” I pleaded.
“Are you sure it won’t damage my son?” Mom asked.
“No Mrs. James, and from what I see of your daughter it would be the best thing you could right now.”
Mom’s face quivered with indecision. I knew what was going through her head; she didn’t want to lose her son.
“Mom, let Dr. Williams give me the shot. We don’t know how long Dad’s going to be in the hospital and you know what modeling means to him and me.”
Pulling the Dad card was playing dirty pool, but if I didn’t, I felt Mom wouldn’t go along with what I wanted, and that was to live as Amanda to see if I really wanted to be a girl or go back to being Mark when I tired of the femininity I was drawing myself into. I saw Mom’s face give in with a look of defeat.
“Okay, go ahead with the treatment and give me the names of the people you want us to see. I hope we’re not making a mistake Amanda.”
We left the doctor’s office, me with sore buttocks and Mom with a scowl on her face. I wish she would be more accepting of what I was doing, but I could see her point of view too. I was her son and Dad’s too, even though he couldn’t remember me as Mark. We were a happy family, and Dad was a loving husband and father who adored his son, a mother who thought she had the prettiest boy ever for a son, and me, a well adjusted boy, who was being taught how to be a real man, by a man who knew how to treat people with respect, no matter how they lived their lives. He taught me to avoid a fight, unless it couldn’t be avoided, and then fight for all I was worth to gain the respect of my opponent, never hurt anyone or say hurtful things. My father was the best teacher I ever had. Now Mom had made the decision to not allow me to mature into the man my father hoped I would be and to make things worse he didn’t even remember his son, but loved his daughter to pieces. I just hoped my mother would come to love her daughter as much as my father does.
Mom filled the prescription for my daily doses of blockers and called the attorney. He said he would forward all the paperwork to us and to drop it off at our convenience. Mom explained that time was of the essence since school would be starting in less than a month. He said he would take care of everything.
The last thing Mom did was call the mental therapist and made an appointment for me. I would start seeing him the next time we visited dad. The last thing on the menu was getting me sorted out clothing wise for the fall season at school. Mom suggested we wait until Cindy could come along as she had much better clothes sense that my mother had. I agreed.
Cindy, Gloria, Mom, and I went shopping the next day. Gloria directed us to a mall in Sacramento that had some nicer stores, like Nordstrom’s and Macys. You get what you pay for was her mantra so we spent the next six hours shopping till we dropped.
“Couldn’t we have found just as nice clothes at Wal-Mart?” Mom asked, as Gloria paid the bills with the funds from my bank account.
“Rachel, Amanda is going to a school where the students would never be seen dead in a store like that. You can tell from the quality and fit they’re from Macys, no Wal-Mart just wouldn’t do.”
Thus started my life as a girl, not that I wasn’t a girl before, but I had been Mark trying to be Amanda. Now I would be Amanda and Mark would be the forgotten one. Could I really forget that I was Mark deep down inside? Maybe, maybe not.
The following week I met my therapist. He was a medium height man, probably five nine or ten. I had expected him to have a goatee and wire rimed glasses, just like in the movies, but I was wrong. Dr. Adams had a kind clean-shaven face, merry brown eyes and a cheerful smile. He carried and extra ten pounds that gave him a softer look with out looking overweight. His voice was soft but carried authority.
“Hello Amanda, it’s nice to meet you, I’m Dr. Adams and we’ll be visiting regularly for a while, I hope,” he said.
“It’s nice to meet you.”
“I understand you’re quite the popular young lady?”
“Umm, I don’t know about that.”
“No need to be modest, Amanda, I researched you before you came to see me and I know about Amanda Flowers. You’re a very pretty young woman.”
“Thank you.”
“I also know about your former identity and I’m sure that’s why you’re here. I have quite a number of patients like you, trying to sort out their gender concerns. Today, I’d like to get a feel of who Amanda James is and we won’t be talking much about why you want to become a girl, but what your likes are and why you’re dissatisfied with your life.”
“I’m not dissatisfied with my life.”
“Maybe I phrased that wrong and should have said dissatisfied with your sex?’
“I’m happy with my sex, it’s just that it’s complicated.”
“And how’s that?”
And so it started, as I explained how my mom and I had our little ritual and my father teaching me to be a man. None of what we had done when I was younger had anything to do with how I felt about my sex and that I fell into modeling by chance, but now that my father was in the hospital I needed to be Amanda Flowers to help pay for his treatment.
“And how do you feel about this kind of responsibility?”
“I don’t mind, he’s my father and I love him dearly. I’d do anything for him.”
“Even change your sex?”
“If I had to, to make him better I would.”
“I see, and would you change your sex to make yourself happier?”
“I don’t understand the question?”
“What I’m asking is whether or not you would change your sex right now if given the opportunity?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Then why are you here?”
“I want someone I can talk to about my concerns of being a girl and whether I really want to be one. I love being Amanda, but I love being Mark too and I’m going to start living as Amanda for reasons other than my sexual concerns. It’s something I have to do so if I come here and cry my heart out I hope you’ll be able to help me?”
“I want you to feel free to say what ever you want when you’re with me. Anything you say stays in this room and I won’t share it with anyone, even your mother.”
“Promise?”
“Yes, I promise. Amanda, I’m sorry if I sounded harsh with you but I wanted to get to know the real you, and I think I have some insight now as to where you’re coming from. The next sessions will be much easier from now on and I look forward to seeing you next week.”
“Thank you, Dr.”
Mom and I returned home and I called Cindy.
“Hey, I’m home,” I said, when she answered the phone.
“What did the doctor say?”
Cindy has always one not to mince words so you always knew where you stood with her and also knew she didn’t want to waste time before getting to what she wanted to know.
“Nothing much, we just talked.”
“Did you tell him you’re a girl inside?”
“Of course not, even I don’t know that for sure.”
“Yes you do, you just won’t admit it.”
“Cindy, I don’t know why you keep saying that?”
“Because you are a girl, everything you do is how a girl does things, you just don’t see it.”
“Like what?”
“Like you’re considerate and love the same things I do. It’s like the birds in the meadow; boys don’t like watching the way they live. Boys want to shoot them with a BB gun. You would never do something like that. It’s just the way you are.”
“My father wouldn’t either, but that doesn’t make him a girl.”
“I know Amanda, it’s just, I don’t know, you’re different. I can’t explain it.”
“Maybe Dr. Adams will help me see the same thing you do, or maybe he’ll show me that I’m really a boy who likes girls clothes.”
“Amanda, its not the clothes, it’s you. Even when you’re dressed as Mark, you’re a girl. You’re my best friend and I love you.”
I still dressed as Mark when we were home. Mom didn’t want the neighbors to be shocked to learn Amanda Flowers was living next door, well actually Amanda James because even though we rarely saw them, they had met Mark more than once. What would happen when school started might become an issue, but we would worry about that when the time came.
We returned to Dr. Adams the next week for another session in the life of Amanda James.
“Hello Amanda, I trust your week went well?”
“Yes Dr.”
“So, anything you’d like to talk about today?”
“Maybe about me, the Amanda me.”
“You can do that, what would you like to tell me?”
“My best friend thinks I’m a girl.”
“Who’s that?”
“Cindy. She’s the one who saw me for the first time with mascara on. Her mother got me into modeling.”
“I see, and why does she say you’re a girl.”
“She say’s I’m a girl inside because I do things like a girl. I told her I didn’t know if that was true because I like being a boy.”
“I see. I have to ask, you’re here as Amanda and yet you say you like being a boy. Why haven’t I seen Mark yet?”
“It’s a long story,” I said, not wanting to admit I’d rather be Amanda when I saw him.
“We have all hour Amanda and I’d really like to hear your explanation.”
“When I come here I also visit my father in the hospital and after his accident he only remembers me as Amanda. My mom and I think it would be best that I don’t upset him by showing up as Mark. He’s having enough trouble trying to remember things before the accident. He also can’t walk because of the brain damage he sustained so I always visit him as Amanda.”
“I see, and how do you feel about that? Would you like to become Mark just once to see his reaction?”
I sat quietly for a moment before I answered.
“No.”
“And why’s that?”
“I like being his daughter. When I was Mark my father and I had a special connection. We did everything together, played ball and fished, watched all the sports programs on ESPN; you know we just did guy stuff. Now that I’m Amanda his daughter things are different between us. He treasures every moment I’m with him and when he holds me in his arms I feel as though I’m the luckiest girl in the world.”
“You wouldn’t feel the same way if you were Mark?”
“No, it’s different. I love my father so much and if being a girl will help him then I’ll be a girl for the rest of my life.”
“That sounds nice Amanda, but pleasing your father is no reason to become a girl. That choice has to come from here,” he said, pointing at his head.
“Can I still be Amanda and go to school as a girl?”
“Yes of course. I’m not saying you’re not a girl, what I’m saying is not to rush into something to please your father, or your friend Cindy, or anyone else who thinks you should be a girl.”
“What about my modeling career?”
“What about it?”
“Can I still be a model?”
“Yes you can, but something you should think about is how long you’re going to be one. As you grow older your clients will expect to see changes in your body. I’m sure you should be okay for a few years, until your fifteen or sixteen, but then, if you’re still a girl with a boy’s body you might lose everything you’ve gained. You’re what, thirteen? You have several years before a decision as important as hormones has to be made, and hopefully we’ll have an answer as to whether you’re a boy or girl.”
“Is it wrong for me to like being a girl so much?”
“Amanda, there’s no wrong or right answer to that question. What’s important is how you feel about being Amanda or being Mark for that matter. Our session is almost over, so I want to give you some homework to do before you come back next week. I want you to think about whether you’d rather be Amanda or Mark and you didn’t have a modeling contract and your father was healthy again. Pretend he knows Mark and Amanda and that he would love either person as much as the other. The same goes for your mother and how she feels about Amanda and Mark. Don’t let your friend Cindy influence your decision. Make it for yourself. Who would you be most happy being for the rest of your life?”
Mom and I visited my father after seeing Dr. Adams. Who did I want to be? I knew my mother wanted her son back, and my father wished he could spend more time with his daughter. Most of all I just wanted to be held in my father’s arms and have him tell me how much he loved his little girl.
Lashes Chapter 11
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Chapter 11
The week went by faster than I thought it would. I spent most of my time as Mark, but did make Cindy happy on Sunday when I showed up at her door as Amanda.
“God Amanda, I was wondering where you had gone? I love Mark dearly, but you know how I feel about my girlfriend.”
“I know Cindy, but I have to spend time as Mark to find out how I really feel about what’s happening to me. I like kicking back and being a boy once in a while.”
“What did you do?”
“I watched football on TV and just did guy things, like throwing a ball against the wall to practice catch. I went to Billie’s house and we played touch football.”
“You didn’t. What did he say about your hair?”
“Nothing, he look at me and made a face and that was it. We were just two guys hanging out together. I liked being a boy for a change.”
“You’d better be careful. If you hurt yourself you could ruin your career.”
“I’ll be careful.”
I thought about what Cindy had said. She was right, if I was to injure myself and scared my face I could say goodbye to modeling, and we needed the money when Dad’s insurance ran out. That kind of pressure is too much for someone my age. It just wasn’t fair.
On Monday I started thinking about what Dr. Adams wanted me to do, make a decision. Did I want to become Amanda or remain, Mark? I was already a boy and did boy things. My father had taught me how to become a man and even though he didn’t finish what he had started to teach, I pretty much knew what being a real man was all about. Obviously it would be easier to remain a boy as I was already in that camp and I liked being there, warts and all. What about Amanda Christine Flowers? She was a person I created, not the pretty outside, but the girl inside, Amanda was me. I loved dressing as her, but I liked the way I felt inside even better. I thought of how I felt the first time I wore my favorite dress and how exposed my legs were, knowing a boy would never wear something as feminine as that dress. If I could bottle the feelings I had, I would and open the bottle everyday. That was the happiest I had ever felt and if I could remain that girl for the rest of my life, I would. I knew I wouldn’t always feel that way if I was to remain a girl, because as a girl I couldn’t wear that dress everyday, but I was willing to try to find that small piece of happiness again. I knew becoming Amanda would be the most difficult journey I could take.
Wednesday we were back at Dr. Adams office.
“Good morning Amanda, how did your week go?”
“It went good, I even spent time with one of my guy friends and we played football.”
“How did you like that?”
“It was fun.”
“Did you think about your assignment that I gave you last week?”
“Yes, a lot.”
“And what did you come up with?”
“I’m still not sure of what I want to do. I thought about being Mark and how much easier it would be to remain a boy and then I thought about Amanda and how much happier I am when I’m her. I know I’ve been Amanda for just a short time and not all the time, but I love being her.”
“Are you sure it’s not the novelty of being a girl, you know being a boy in the girl’s camp?”
“I’m not sure, which is why I can’t give you an answer yet. Maybe after I live as Amanda for a while I’ll be able to make up my mind. I need to know the hard things about being a girl, not just the exciting things.”
“That’s a very mature answer Amanda and I’m glad you didn’t make your decision today. I think it will take months and maybe years before you know who you really are.”
“I hope it doesn’t take too long, because if I decide to become a real girl, I want it to happen soon.”
“Good things can’t be rushed. There’s no time limit on life Amanda, only ones you put on yourself.”
“What about puberty?”
“I know you started on a course of blockers to delay your male puberty and hopefully we’ll know what direction to go in the next year. If you’re to remain a boy then I’d like you to discontinue as soon as possible and the same holds true if you want to become a girl. But as I said, there’s no time limit for you to make a decision, only the one you think is best for you.”
“I’ll try to remember that.”
The rest of the summer flew by faster than I thought it would. Everything was in place for me to start at my new school and as much as I hated to admit it, I was excited to be attending as Amanda James. I would be starting eighth grade and I knew none of the other students at the school. The best thing though was that no one knew me.
Mom got me up early to get ready for my big day. I would learn quickly that being a girl wasn’t all roses and it took more time to get ready that it did when I was a boy.
I wanted to be perfect for my first impression with my new group of students. I wore my denim miniskirt and a cute tank top. On my feet were white canvas shoes. Mom allowed me to wear a little mascara and pink lip-gloss and warned me that a girl my age shouldn’t even be wearing that. My hair had just been style and I looked perfect. I hoped the other students thought so too.
Mom drove me to Auburn and pulled the car up to the front of the school to let me off.
“I’ll be here when you finish sweetheart,” she said, and I realized she was crying.
“Mom, what’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry Amanda, I never thought I would be dropping off my daughter for her first day of school. I’m just a little emotional, that’s all.”
“Oh Mom,” I said, and gave her a hug.
“Go on now or you’ll be late. I’ll see you at three fifteen.”
“I love you Mom,” I said, as I exited the car.
As I walked to the front entry my apprehension grew. I was the new kid on the block, and I didn’t know anyone at this school. To make things worse I could feel everyone staring at me, girls and boys. I remembered what it was like when a new student attended my old school for the first time, it was the same. I was an outsider and wondered how long it would take for someone to say something to me? Then there was that little thing that I was attending school as a girl for the first time, maybe that had more to do with my nervousness than actually being new. As I approached the front door a boy maybe six inches taller than me blocked my way. His face was full of acne pimples, his eyes piggish and glaring. He was fifteen pounds overweight and had puffy lips. His dirty blonde hair looked as though it hadn’t been combed for a week.
“Going somewhere,” he snarled.
There were three other boys with him but they were closer to my five feet tall. God not here too, I thought to myself, the class bullies.
“I’m going to the office to get my class schedule,” I responded, with a confident tone in my voice.
“I don’t think so, at least not until I say you can.”
I stepped to his right and walked around him, not saying a word then he made a mistake, he grabbed my arm.
“Hey,” I said, pulling free of his grip.
It was then he made his second mistake, he reached for me again. I learned in second grade that if you let a bully intimidate you, you were dead meat for the rest of the year. Just because I was a girl didn’t mean I had lost my boxing skills and a quick left to his stomach and a right hand to his nose pretty much sealed his doom. He let out a yelp and staggered against the wall next to the door, blood streaming from his nose. My hands were shaking. God what a way to make friends at my new school, I thought. Nice going Amanda.
“You bothering the girl, Makie?”
“She hit me,” Makie complained.
“You’re lucky she did, because I was on my way over here to punch you myself. Don’t you know it’s not nice to pick on girls?”
“Shit, Kurt, I think she hits harder than you.”
“Shall we find out Asshole?”
“No man.”
“Apologize to the girl.”
“Ah man,” Makie whined.
“Do it.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, as he wiped the blood from his nose on a paper towel.
“If I hear of you bothering her again, I’ll kick your ass, got it?”
“I got it Kurt.”
The boy, I gathered was named Kurt. He was tall, had broad shoulders, a tapered waist and a ready smile. His green eyes flashed with merriment as he ran his fingers through his dirty blond hair. I guess you could say he was very handsome, but obviously not my type.
You must be new here, I’m Kurt, with a K, Granger,” he said extending his hand toward mine.
“Amanda James, and yes this is my first day,” I said, taking his hand in mine.
“You’re the first person I’ve seen stand up to Makie Cloud. I can imagine the Tweets must be having a field day with this, ‘gorgeous girl kicks bullies ass’,” he laughed. “Why did you do it?”
“Because he’s not the first bully I’ve met. There was one in second grade and he kept picking on me until I punched him in the nose. He only tried to bother me one more time with the same result. I found if you stand up to the creeps, they wouldn’t bother you.”
“You’re right about that. So what’s a pretty girl doing, going to a school like this?” he asked.
“My mom wanted me to go to a school where I wouldn’t be bothered.”
“She was sure wrong about that. What grade are you in, ten or eleven?”
“God no, I’m in the eighth, I just turned thirteen.”
“So I guess asking you out on a date would be out of the question?”
“My mother would kill me if I went out with a boy.”
“I imagine she would. Where are you headed?”
“To the office to get my schedule.”
“I’ll walk with you, come on,” he said, pulling my hand gently, the one he hadn’t let go of the whole time we were talking.
“Thanks for showing me to the office Kurt, I’ll see you around.”
“I’ll wait, I wouldn’t want you to get lost trying to find your first class.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I want to.”
I blushed.
I got my student package from the person behind the desk and returned to a waiting Kurt outside the door.
“Where do you have to go?” he asked.
I opened the large envelope and pulled my class schedule from it.
“Umm, Mrs. Longview, math one oh one in room two fifteen.”
“Second floor, come on,” he said, taking my hand again. “Longview’s nice, but if you don’t do your work in her class she’ll bite your head off.”
“Did you have her before?”
“Three years ago.”
We reached my classroom and Kurt turned toward me, still holding my hand.
“Have lunch with me?”
“Umm, okay I guess.”
I looked at our hands still entwined, his so large and mine so small and dainty. My hand looked ugly and I wondered what it would look like with polish on my nails.
“Meet me by the front doors.”
“Okay.”
I entered the classroom and found an empty desk in the middle of the room. My mind wandered to what I just did, accepted a date with a boy. Granted it was just lunch, but why did I do it? Was I infatuated with a jock like Kurt because he had impressed Mark, or was something else happening to me? I have never had any interest in boys other than to play with and the thought of one liking me for other reasons turned my stomach, well Mark’s stomach, but for some reason the thought of having lunch with Kurt excited me.
“The class began to fill and soon all but one desk was filled. I was greeted with the usual stares from both boys and girls. A plain looking girl with glasses sat to my right and a stunning blonde girl to my left. She was repairing her makeup, which she wore too much of.
“Hi, I’m Tiffany,” she said turning toward me. “You’re the girl who gave Makie the bloody nose, aren’t you?”
I felt my face turning red with embarrassment.
“Yes.”
“Good going girl, he’s such an asshole. What’s your name?”
“Amanda James.”
“You’re new.”
“Yes, this is my first day here.”
“You’ll like it, hey want to have lunch with me and some of my friends?”
“I would but I’m having lunch with Kurt Granger.”
“Kurt Granger? My God, he’s like the hottest boy in school. Are you seeing him?”
“You mean like dating?”
“Yes of course dating.”
“No, my mother would never let me go on a date with a boy. We just met this morning.”
“God, I’m so jealous.”
A fortyish woman walked into the room wearing a skirt, white blouse and suit jacket. Her hair was pulled into a bun and she wore minimal makeup. She was reasonably attractive in a no nonsense way. Turning toward the class, she cleared her throat and said, “Settle down class, we’re here to learn math, not to find out who has a new boy or girl friend. As most of you know, I’m Mrs. Longview and I’ll be teaching you Mathematics one oh one this year. I see several new faces in our class and I’d like for you to stand and introduce yourselves.
A boy in the rear of the class stood and said, “I’m Tom Greene, my parents just moved here from Chicago.”
Tom was a slight boy, probably two inches shorter than me and looked as if he wanted to crawl into a hole. He was the type of person Makie would seek out as a new toy to torture.
A second boy stood and said, “Marvin Cummings, I’m from Sacramento.”
Marvin was taller than me and severely overweight. He looked as though he couldn't care less about being in school.
“Young lady?” Mrs. Longview asked looking at me.
I stood and smiled, “I’m Amanda James and I’m from Colfax.”
“It’s nice to meet you students old and new, now let's get started learning math.”
During class I couldn’t help noticing Tiffany turning and looking at me with a strange look on her face. Could the idea of a girl giving Makie a bloody nose have such an effect on her. Just before class was to end, her expression changed and she looked as if she had just found the meaning of life. As soon as the bell rang ending the period, she looked at me and smiled.
“You’re Amanda Flowers, aren’t you.”
So much for going incognito for the rest of the year.
“Yes, how did you know?”
“Girlfriend, I buy Lush cosmetics because of you. God I want your lashes so bad. No wonder Kurt asked you to lunch. You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.”
“Thank you,” I said, removing my class schedule from my bag. I wanted so badly to getaway from Tiffany. I wasn’t used to fan adoration and hoped she wasn’t in my science class. She wasn’t but the plain looking girl that sat next to me was. Her name was Ginny Burns.
Ginny was one of those girls that looked like she couldn't care less about her appearance. The clothes she wore seemed to be a size too big on her and without style. Her hair just hung if you know what I mean. She wore no makeup, which I guess isn’t to rare for a thirteen-year-old girl, but I wondered why she wouldn’t try to do something to make herself more attractive? The more I looked at Ginny though, the more I realized she was actually, a very attractive girl, only she had to do something about it to bring out her beauty.
Our teacher, Mr. Laurence introduced himself to the class. This was his first year here, after teaching in the public schools of Los Angeles. He was young, maybe thirty and very handsome. I noticed some of the girls in my class watching him like a lion watched a gazelle, they were smitten.
“Class,” he said, “we’re going to have lab two days a week and you will need to have a partner. I’ll send a sheet of paper around the class so you can list who you will be working with.”
Mr. Laurence started the paper on one side of the class. Being new, I had no idea of whom I would have as a partner since I didn’t know anyone, other than Tiffany and Kurt. I felt someone touch my arm and turned to find Ginny.
“Excuse me, but would you be my partner?” she asked. Her face showed no smile, in fact, her expression looked like she was expecting a rejection. “I’m Ginny.”
“Sure, I’d be happy to be your partner, I’m Amanda James,” I said, extending my hand to my new partner.
Ginny shook my hand softly and said, “I know, you’re that model.”
The way she said it made me want to hold her, she was so sad. She removed a piece of paper from her backpack and wrote something on it and handed it to me. This is my phone number so we can exchange notes. You can call me anytime you want.”
“Cool. I’ll call you tonight when I get home.”
“I’d like that,” she answered softly.
The rest of my morning classes were uneventful except for the continued stares and the “that’s her,” murmurs. I guess Tiffany had spread the word that Amanda Flowers now attended the same school they did.
The lunch bell rang and I walked to the front doors and found Kurt already there.
“Hi Amanda, you made it.”
“Why wouldn’t I, I promised to meet you here.”
“I don’t know, I just thought with you being a model and all you might change your mind and eat with someone else.”
“God, what is with this model thing? I’m just a girl like everyone else,” I snapped. Well, maybe not a girl like everyone else, but no one knew anything about that little tidbit.
“Wow, someone’s sensitive today.”
I felt bad now, as it wasn’t Kurt’s fault that the rest of the students were treating me like some kind of unapproachable star.
“I’m sorry, I’m not used to people acting this way around me. Forgive me?” I asked, blinking my eyes seductively. I might be new at being a girl, but I had already learned the power of a girl could have on a boy with the smallest flirt.
“Forgiven, Are you hungry?”
“Well duh, it is lunchtime” I giggled.
Kurt laughed, “You’re funny, come on,” Taking my hand a pulling me next to him.
We walked to the cafeteria, hand in hand, which concerned me because I didn’t try to withdraw from his grip; in fact, I kind of liked the feeling of a boy - girl interaction.
After getting our food, Kurt carried my tray for me and led me to a table near the center of the room. All eyes followed our every move. He placed my tray on one side of the table and his on the other facing me.
“Welcome to the world of wonder meat,” he laughed, I laughed too.
Kurt looked at me with unwavering eyes. They were the deepest blue I had ever seen and hated to admit it, they were having an effect on me I didn’t know could happen. I was still a boy, I thought, glancing at my bare legs peeking from the mini-skirt I had chosen to wear this day.
“So tell me all about this wonderful creature seated across from me?” he asked.
“There’s nothing to tell. I live in Colfax and started attending this school because I didn’t want the students to know it was me, modeling for a cosmetics line.”
My goodness, did I forget to mention the real reason for changing schools had nothing to do with modeling? Shame on me.
“This whole school already knows, doesn’t that bother you?”
“Not really because no one has bothered me.”
“They will. We had a boy who was an actor and was part of a cast for a TV production that left school and moved away. He said it was to be closer to Hollywood, but I think it was because the girls wouldn’t leave him alone.”
“I don’t have to worry about that, the girls aren’t going to bother me.”
“But the boys will. You’re a very pretty girl Amanda.”
“The boys won’t bother me as long as I have you protecting me,” I giggled nervously.
“Are you saying that you’ve changed your mind and will go on a date with me?”
“You know I’m only thirteen, and you’re what, sixteen. My mother would never allow that. I guess I have to be on my own,” I said dejectedly.
“Not as long as I’m around,” he said, taking my hand in his again.
I didn’t pull away; I could eat my wonder meat with one hand and a fork.
We sat and talked for the rest of the period. Kurt was a very nice young man and I could see why Tiffany had a crush on him. Much to my dismay I now had one too, and I couldn’t help thinking it was so wrong. When the period ended, Kurt walked me to my next class with the excuse I might get lost if he didn’t, holding my hand the whole way there.
“Will I see you after school?” he asked.
“My mom will be picking me up,” I replied.
“If I don’t see you then, I’ll be waiting for you in the morning just so you don’t have a problem with Makie.”
“I won’t have a problem with Makie, trust me,” I laughed.
“Wel, l I’ll be by the front doors anyway, bye Amanda.”
Kurt let go of my hand and a feeling of loneliness washed over my body. If he could do this to me in one day, I can just imagine what the rest of the school year will be like. I so had a crush on Kurt, and began to wonder if I was gay or my feminine brain had taken over my body? I knew what I felt was so very wrong on so many levels, our age difference, my inexperience with boys and well the obvious, boys don’t get crushes on other boys. Damn, why did I have to meet Kurt and why was he coming after me like a lovesick puppy?
Mom was waiting in her car when I exited school.
“Well, sweetheart how was your first day?”
“It was fun and I met a few people. I have a lab partner.”
“You’re going to have lab in science?”
“I guess we are. We didn’t at my old school.”
“And who’s your partner?”
“A girl named Ginny. She seems nice enough, but she’s very sad for some reason.”
“What makes you say that?”
“It’s just the way she is. She never smiles and it’s hard to put in words but she seems to be trying to hide from people. She’s very quiet and dresses like she doesn’t want to be seen.”
“Maybe she’s not feeling well. You can’t judge a person by the first time you meet them.”
“I also met a girl named Tiffany, but I don’t get a good vibe from her. I think she would want to be my friend because of Amanda Flowers and not the real me.”
“It was your first day, so I wouldn’t be too disappointed. You’ll be making more friends soon enough.”
“Mom, could I paint my nails?”
“Paint your nails? What brought that on?”
“I just think they would look better, can I?”
“I suppose it would be alright. Do you know what color?”
“Maybe pink?”
“I think that should be fine. We’ll stop at the store and buy some polish for you. I’ll show you how to care for your nails when we get home. It's about time for my girl to learn some things from her mother.”
I was surprised by Mom’s change of attitude. I knew going in she was very unhappy with me being Amanda but seem to change her thinking as my father embraced his daughter. She still voiced her disapproval until I started school, which was today. I wondered what instigated the change? Now she was going to help me do something feminine rather than complain she wanted her son back.
“Mom, are you sure you want to help me?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because you said you didn’t like me being Amanda.”
“Honey, I think you misunderstood me. It’s not that I disliked Amanda; it’s just that I love my son and wanted him back, but I can see that’s not a possibility right now. I see how happy you are when you’re Amanda, you shine, but I also saw the same happiness when you were Mark and spent time with your father. Now that might never happen again and I see how your father worships the ground you walk on when Amanda visits him. He seems to get a little better each time he sees his daughter. If having a daughter makes him better then I’ll do everything I can to make you happy.”
“I love you, Mom.”
We stopped and found a pink polish I like and Mom showed me that night how to care for my nails. They were a blushing pink when I went to bed. Thankfully the polish was Lush brand.
It was almost nine when the phone rang.
“Hello,” Mom answered. “Yes, she’s here. Amanda, it’s for you, it’s a girl.”
Thank God it wasn’t a boy because I knew the only one that would call this late was Kurt and he didn’t have my number.
“Hello.”
“Hi Amanda, it’s Ginny.”
“Hi Ginny, what’s up?”
“I wanted to thank you for being my lab partner.”
“Why would you thank me? You asked me and I said yes.”
“Because most of the other kids wouldn’t want me as one.”
“Why not? You’re not going to not do the work are you?”
“Heavens no, I’m a straight A student, it's just that the other kids don’t like me.”
“Why would they not like you?”
“Because I’m not like Tiffany. It’s a long story and you might not like me either if I told you.”
“Ginny, I don’t even know you, so why wouldn’t I like you. What could you have done that was so bad?”
“It’s nothing Amanda, I don’t want to talk about it now. I’ll see you tomorrow at school,” goodnight.”
“Goodnight Ginny.”
“Who was that?” Mom asked.
“Ginny my lab partner. She called to thank me for being her partner.”
“Why would she do that?”
“I don’t know Mom, she wouldn’t say.”
“You’d better get ready for bed. Pick out what you’re going to wear tomorrow and remove your makeup. I’ll make us a pot of tea.”
I did as Mom asked and returned to the kitchen, my face clean and shiny, wearing a short cotton nighty. I would be changing it for a longer flannel one when the weather cooled with the approach of winter.
“Your friend sounds nice but a little shy,” Mom said.
“I think it has something to do with that Tiffany girl I mentioned. Ginny said she would tell me later. I have a bad feeling about Tiffany.”
“First impressions can be telling. Just your mother’s opinion, but I would stay away from Tiffany. Don’t worry, I will.”
It was too late to call Cindy, so I sent her a text. She’s my best friend and it wouldn’t do not to say at least a little about my first day at school.
Lashes Chapter 12
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Chapter 12
Mom dropped me off in the usual place, right in front of school. She waved as she drove off. Today I wore a girl’s T, another mini skirt and the cutest flat sandals that showed the polish Mom and I did the night before. Kurt was waiting for me by the front door. I didn’t know anyone could smile so brightly.
“Wow, you look gorgeous,” he said.
I blushed and said, “Thank you.”
“I’ll walk you to class,” he said, taking my hand and intertwining our fingers.
I looked at our hands and I was right, the polish looked so much better. I then wondered where this was going? I was a thirteen-year-old girl and to have the hottest boy in school holding my hand was something I hadn’t counted on, and what was worse I really, really liked it. It made me feel so mature and so much like the girl I wasn’t. Why I wondered did Kurt find me so attractive? He could have any other girl in the school, so why had he chosen me? At the moment though, I didn’t care, I was with him, and he was with me.
We arrived at my first class and Kurt turned to face me taking my other hand in his. I was a bundle of nerves when he did. I had no idea a person could feel this way about another and the effect it was having on me as a person. The longer he held my hands the farther away Mark seemed. Was Cindy right, I really was a girl and I had met my soul mate? Kurt just looked at me with those gorgeous eyes. I felt myself melting under his intense gaze.
“Will you meet me for lunch?” he asked.
“Yes,” I sighed.
“I’ll meet you after your fourth period class, I can hardly wait, Amanda.”
I wanted to cry when he let go of my hands and walked away. I felt like I was walking on a cloud when I went into the classroom.
Tiffany was at her desk and looked like she was sitting on an anthill, she was so twitchy.
“Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, I saw you with Kurt Granger and he was holding your hands, God, you’re so lucky. I could tell he’s in love with you, God I’m so jealous,” she babbled.
Tiffany’s irritating voice brought me back to reality.
“Tiffany, he just met me and I doubt he’s in love. We’re just friends.”
“Yeah right,” she sneered.
Ginny entered the room at the right time. I didn’t know how much more of Tiffany I could take.
“Hi Ginny,” I said, with a smile.
“Hi Amanda,” she answered, with a sadness in her voice.
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s nothing.”
“Ginny, I want to be your friend and if I can help, I will.”
“You want to help that loser, give me a break, you should think of who you really want for your friends,” Tiffany spat.
I was taken back by Tiffany’s swift reaction to what I had said to Ginny. Ginny seemed like a nice girl and didn’t need that kind of abuse, but what could I do? I was the new kid in school and before I made a comment to Tiffany I’d have to know more about Ginny.
Ginny’s expression barely changed with Tiffany’s outburst. It was almost as though she was expecting Tiffany to say something nasty about her.
Several girls introduced themselves to me today. Kate Morales was a beautiful Latin girl who already had curves I envied and mentioned she was excited to meet a real model and seemed nice. Sherri Kramer was a blonde girl who seemed to have too much energy and couldn’t keep still long enough to state she wanted my autograph and the third girl was also blonde and her name was Mindy Raines, go figure and she was impressed meeting Amanda Flowers. I tried to explain Amanda Flowers was the model part of me, but the rest of me was Amanda James. The rest of the students seemed intimidated by the fact that I had my picture in several magazines. I was just like anyone else as far as I was concerned.
Kurt was waiting for me when I exited my fourth period class.
“I missed you,” he said, taking my hand in his.
I melted with his touch. If we didn’t stop what we were doing, I was going to be in so much trouble, but I knew I couldn’t stop the way I was feeling about Kurt.
“Me too,” I answered.
Kurt led me to lunch and we spent the hour talking and making eyes at each other, it was disgustingly romantic.
“May I have your phone number?” he asked.
“My Mom wouldn’t approve.”
“What about your cell?”
“I don’t have a cell phone, my mom says it’s not necessary.”
“How can I call you?”
“You can’t. If my mother knew I was eating lunch with you, she’d have a fit.”
“Why? I’m a nice person.”
“Kurt, I just turned thirteen and that should be reason enough.”
“But you seem so much older.”
“But I’m not.”
“Amanda, I have feelings for you and I know you’re only thirteen, but that doesn’t change the way I feel.”
Oh God, Kurt’s falling big time and now I didn’t know what to do? I’m not old enough to even think of being in a relationship with a boy, or a girl for that matter and even if I was, no one is supposed to know I’m not what I seem to be and if I was to continue with my obvious feelings about Kurt, that secret could be revealed.
“Kurt, I like you too, maybe too much and the feelings I’m having now have nothing to do with age. I wish I could be your girlfriend, you make me all gooey inside every time you touch me, but it wouldn’t be fair to you because we can’t date. The best I can do is be your friend and if something happens when I get older then I’d love to be with you, heart and soul,” I said, tears running down my cheeks.
Kurt rose from his chair and came to me, gathering me in his arms and held me tight. I never felt so protected in my life and knew what love was, my feelings for Kurt.
After that Kurt and I remained friends, but the touching and closeness had gone from our relationship. As much as I missed the contact, I felt relieved because nothing good would have come if we were to continue down the forbidden path we had chosen.
The newest issue of Teen arrived, and the pictures from my latest shoot were highlighted. Amanda Flowers was becoming a star. As expected Tiffany gushed her admiration to me, and so did the other new friends I had met during the first few weeks of school. The only person not to be impressed was Ginny, not that I minded, it was nice to know someone who only wanted to be a friend of Amanda James.
Lush call Gloria and said they wanted to extend to the end of the contract, which of course meant a considerable increase in the amount of money I was to be paid. They gladly went along with it as their sales had increased four fold. Before I was signed as their model they were around number ten in cosmetic sales, lagging behind some brand I had never heard of. As of the first of the month they had climbed to number eight and there were signs they could move to number four by the end of the year. Needless to say, they wanted to tie me up for another year and a half, no matter what the cost. My new fees were in the millions of dollars, well three million, but who’s counting? All I knew was that I would be Amanda for at least two more years and I loved the thought. With the added money, I knew my father could have the best of treatment for his injury so Mom was kind of happy too. The only thing missing in her life was her son.
Three weeks after Teen came out Gloria called for me to have another clothing shoot, only it was to take place in Los Angeles. She was able to schedule it for Monday so I would only miss one possibly two days of school at the most. I was to receive ten thousand dollars per day plus expenses. That meant I would make a minimum of ten thousand dollars. I hoped it would drag out to two days.
Sunday night Mom, Gloria, and I flew from Sacramento to Los Angeles landing a little after eight in the evening. The flight lasted all of an hour, but at least I got a window seat and watched the ground go by and tried to figure out where we were. I guess the boy was still alive and well.
Hollywood Models put us up at the Ritz-Carlton and seeing as how the fanciest motel I had ever stayed at, you know the one with a six in the name, I was awe struck. Everyone that spoke to me knew my name and called me Miss Flowers, WOW. I could learn to like being a highly paid model. I won’t bore you with the accommodations nor the service we received, but I’m definitely coming back.
The photo shoot went off with out a hitch. I modeled more tween fashions and finished around four in the afternoon. A representative from the clothing company was all smiles when I finished.
“I’m Daisy Mae Stewart,” she drawled, “and I can’t begin to tell you how pleased we are with you, Amanda. Our product line was limping along until we featured you from your first shoot with us. Our sales increased to the point that we’re going to continue the line. Now, we have something else we’d like to try. One of our factories made a mistake and shipped our newest line of juniors clothing in a petite size rather that a size that will fit one of our taller models and we would like you to fill in for us. There won’t be enough time to remanufacture the line in the proper size and still make the publishing deadline, and of course you’ll be paid your usual fees. The shoot will take an additional two days and your agent has agreed to the shoot as long as your mother agrees?”
Mom listened closely as Daisy Mae had rambled on, barely taking a breath as she talked.
“Amanda, you’ll miss three days of school. Do you think you’ll be able to make up the work?”
“No problem Mom,” I said, as dollar signs danced in my head.
“I guess it should be okay.”
“Good, be back here at eight in the morning for makeup and then we’ll get started.”
We were back at a quarter to eight the next day.
“I’m glad to see you’re not a prima-donna,” Daisy Mae stated as she guided me to makeup. “So many of the young models think their shi…opps, stuff doesn’t stink that nothing gets done until noon.”
Showing me into the make up room, she introduced me to Rita, the cosmetology expert.
“Rita, this is Amanda Flowers, our newest and greatest find. We need her in two hours, can you get it done?”
“Daisy Mae, if you drop that phony accent, I’ll have her finished in an hour,” Rita laughed.
“Done.” Daisy said, and left the room.
“God that girl will be the death of me, and don’t for a second think she’s from the south. The girl moved here from Detroit after getting a law degree from Michigan and thought she would come across softer with the accent. Her name’s really Janice Malloy and she can be a hard bitch when she wants, but enough about her, tell me about yourself sweetheart?” Rita asked, patting on a chair indicating for me to sit down.
“There’s nothing to tell. I live in Colfax and I just started modeling and only by mistake. My best friend’s mother saw my lashes and the rest is history, so here I am.”
Rita took my chin in her hands and turned my head back and forth and then let go.
“Do you know how pretty you are?” she asked in admiration.
“No.”
“Well never find out or it will ruin you. I see beauty every day and girl, you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever worked on, just don’t let it go to your head. Listen to your Aunt Rita, study hard in school and don’t fall in love with some boy that will make your life miserable, and most of all cross your legs if some boy gets too frisky.”
I couldn’t help myself from laughing, I liked Rita.
“What are your plans after your modeling career ends?” Rita asked, as she worked on my face.
“You mean when I can’t like model anymore?”
“Yes sweetheart, age lines aren’t particular, so do you have any plans?”
“If I tell you, do you promise not to laugh?”
“Honey, I’d never laugh at you.”
“I want to go to Stanford and be a doctor.”
Rita stopped working on my face and I could see the surprise on her face. I don’t know what any of the other girls had said to her question, but I don’t think she was expecting what I gad said.
“Are you serious? Oh Amanda, you’re such a dream, beautiful with a brain in your head. When you graduate, will you send me an invitation? I would be so honored to say I worked on your face and watched you become a real woman and not some phony woman who has lost her beauty. Amanda Flowers, It’s my pleasure to have met you young woman.”
Rita worked for the full hour, but when she was finished Amanda Flowers looked like she was seventeen years old. I thought I was pretty before, but this was so over the top even I had a hard time believing the image in the mirror was me.
“Honey, you go and knock them dead.”
“Thank you Rita, may I hug you?”
“You’d better or your Aunt Rita won’t love you anymore,” she laughed, as she gathered me into her arms.
The photo shoot went without a hitch, but I modeled twice as much clothing as the first day, but I like the styles better and I wore high heels for all the pictures. The clothes were more for my age group. The best thing was that they let me have my choice of five outfits to take home. My girlfriends are going to be so jealous.
We returned home Wednesday evening so I could go to school Thursday morning. The photographer promised to send us the photos for my portfolio. No only was the trip paid for, but I made thirty thousand dollars less the agent fees. My life as Amanda Flowers was looking up.
Returning to school after missing three days wasn’t any big thing. Tiffany and her friends were just as star struck as the day I left, but the thing that did bother me was Ginny’s attitude when I entered our first period class. She practically shunned me.
“Ginny, what’s wrong?”
“I had to decide what to do for our lab experiment, you should have been here to help me decide.”
“I’m sorry, but I had to fly to Los Angeles for a photo shoot and beside you would know much better than me what we should do.”
“I don’t know Amanda and I really needed your help. I felt like you were being like the rest of the kids in this class and couldn't care less about what I do.”
“Ginny, I don’t feel that way at all, and you’re not being fair. I had to work and I’m sorry I was away when you had to pick our assignment, but that’s the way it is,” I said, as I felt my anger rising from my stomach. Ginny wasn’t being fair. It’s not like I left just to spite her and beside I had the permission of the school as long as made up my classes.
“Can’t you schedule your stuff for when you’re not in school? I need you here Amanda.”
This was a different Ginny then the one I had seen since school started. She was demanding and just plain self-centered. I don’t know if I like this person very much?
“Ginny, I have nothing to do with when they schedule shoots. I’m just the model they use and I do what they ask. I can’t just quit because my father is in the hospital and the money I make is used to pay for his hospital bills. If I’m such a burden maybe you should find someone else.”
“Wait,” she said, as I turned to walk away, her hand grabbing my arm. “I’m sorry Amanda, it’s just I thought you would be like everyone else.”
“Ginny, you keep saying that, and I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not everyone else; I’m new here and have no idea of what you’re talking about. I think you should at least tell me why everyone treats you the way they do?”
“Will you eat lunch with me, I’ll tell you then.”
“If you promise to tell me, we’ll talk later.”
I found Ginny sitting at her usual spot, a table in the rear corner of the cafeteria away from other students. I wondered if she was being shunned, or if it was her wish to be alone?
“Hi,” I said as I approached the table.
“Hi,” she replied.
Her demeanor seemed to have changed from this morning, in fact, she seemed downright meek.
“So, I’m here, now it’s your turn to tell me what’ made you so pissed off at me this morning.”
“Well, I was angry at you, but I didn’t know about your modeling assignment and then when I had to pick a project for us, I wanted us to pick it, not just me. I thought you were going to treat me just like everyone else in this school.”
“Treat you like what?”
“Like I’m some kind of freak or something. Why do you think I dress like this? So I won’t be noticed.”
“There must be a reason for you thinking this way?”
“There is, and it started when I came to this school six years ago.”
“What happened?”
“Tiffany happened that’s what. Tiffany has gone to this school ever since preschool. I started here in second grade when my father was transferred from the East coast to become vice president and plant manager for the same company Tiffany’s father works for. He thought he would get the promotion but it went to my father instead. Tiffany’s father is the sales manager and makes a ton of money from his commissions but that didn’t matter to him, he wanted the vice president title after his name. Well, he bitched and moaned about not getting the promotion and he cursed my father and his family from the day he found out about my father getting the job. Tiffany in turn took her father’s frustration out on me. Tiffany’s a bully, but I guess you’ve seen that. She pretty much runs the eighth grade in this school and her friends suck up to her and do whatever she asks, which is to make my life miserable. You have no idea of what it’s like to have someone not do what they said they would do and I would end up doing all the work and they would get half the credit. Amanda, I carry straight A’s and I can’t afford for partners to not do what is their fair share of the work, and you not being here to help made me think Tiffany had gotten to you too. I’m sorry if I overreacted.”
Wow, that was the most words I had from Ginny since I started school here. She’s always been quiet as a mouse and didn’t think she had it in her.
“I’m sorry too. I should have told you I would be away, but I had no choice in the matter. It’s my job and I don’t go away very often, but when they schedule a shoot I have to be there. Now, can we be friends?”
“Only if you want to incur Tiffany’s wrath,” she giggled.
“I could care less about Tiffany, and it’s nice to see you smile.”
Ginny has a wonderful smile if she would only allow herself that luxury every once in a while.
“Thank you, now tell me about your trip before I bore you with the details of our project.”
“We flew to Los Angeles Sunday because I had a shot for some tweens clothing line on Monday. I was finished by Monday night and my mom and I thought we would fly back here that night. There was a mistake with a new line of clothes and they shipped petites instead of a size to fit their regular models and they asked me if I could model the line for them. Of course, we said yes because it was a lot of money for me and to be honest I was excited to wear the line. It was for juniors so they made me look older and I wore heels and everything. I felt like I was twenty years old, it was so much fun.”
“You’re a lucky girl Amanda. I wish I had your confidence.”
“You could if you’d like. I could help you.”
“And how do you propose to do that?”
“By being your friend.”
Ginny and I were good after that. We spent the period working on the research for our lab experiment.
The next day the same old Ginny was back, sullen and dull. I felt I had to do something to help her fit in better.
“Ginny,” I said, as we walked from first to second period, “Have you ever thought about maybe wearing something other than what you always wear?”
What Ginny wore was like a cross between boy’s clothes and the darkest nightmare you could think of. To be honest, if I didn’t know the sweet girl under those clothes, she would creep me out.
“I wear them so I won’t be noticed.”
“But people notice you more and see how unhappy you are.”
“I like what I wear.”
“Do you?”
“I don’t know, maybe.”
“I think you’re doing this just so Tiffany will leave you alone. If you wore nicer clothes and maybe changed your hairstyle you’d look nice for a change, that and smile.”
“Am I that bad?”
“Ginny, please, you look like you’re going to a funeral.”
“I’ve dressed like this ever since second grade. I don’t know what I can do to change?”
“Ask your mother to take you shopping and to have your hair done, believe me, it will make all the difference in the world.”
“But I’m afraid that I’ll draw attention to myself.”
“You already do. Don’t you wonder why people stare at you and turn away when you look at them?”
“Yes.”
“It’s because of the way you dress. If we hadn’t become lab partners, I would probably be like everyone else and ignore you. Instead of a serial killer under those clothes, I found a very nice friend, only she doesn’t know how to dress,” I laughed.
After our conversation Ginny changed her look. It took time but by the end of a month a very pretty girl had replaced the dirge that had crept around the halls at school.
Teen came out with their, must dress like this, issue and I was now spotlighted as an up-and-coming clothing model. I was prominently displayed in several clothing ads and was surprised at how much older I looked. That with the usual Lush makeup ads, grew my popularity. I was becoming very much in demand. I didn’t realize how much until I received a box from Lush Cosmetics addressed to me. Opening it, I found it filled to the top with letters, yahoo, I finally had a fan base. My Yahoo changed to boohoo when Mom said I had to answer all the letters. Thank God Cindy was there to help or I’d still be answering letters.
Ginny and I had become friends as the year progressed, much to the chagrin of Tiffany. Tiffany was a bully, not like Makie, but in her own way. She had created a caste system in school and as far as she was concerned Ginny was untouchable and because of my popularity as a model she wanted me for a best friend. I new what she was doing and I pretty much blew her off, which didn’t endear me to her.
“I don’t know why you hang with that loser?” she asked one day.
“I like Ginny.”
“Why, she’s such a loser. You could be doing so much better,” She said, with the phoniest smile I had ever seen.
“Listen, Tiffany, to be perfectly honest, I’d rather be her friend than yours. She’s real and you're just a phony bitch trying to make people's lives miserable.”
That’s when Tiffany’s face turned beet red, or maybe purple and I have to say it looked nice with her blonde hair.
“You bitch. No one talks to me like that, you wait, I can make your life miserable too, just ask Ginny.”
“I did and you know what, we’ll be miserable together,” I said, turned on my heel and walked away.
Like I really wanted to hang with Tiffany. Her grades sucked and the only reason she was still in school was that her father donated large sums of money to the school each year with the understanding that they would overlook her bad behavior. I still want to attend Stanford and the only way was to get good grades because even money won’t buy your way into Stanford.
As the year continued I became more at ease being Amanda. Things I used to think about became second nature and I had truly become Amanda James. Ginny had gained some new friends and Tiffany was her usual bitch self, but who said the world was perfect?
I had four more shoots between Halloween and Christmas. Dad was still in the assisted living home so he could have therapy every day. The hardest part was the home was in Palo Alto and that made the trip a half of an hour longer each time we visited. Mom was still visiting Dad on Wednesdays when I saw my shrink and we went together on the weekends. When my sessions with Dr. Adams were finished I spent time shopping in Union Square while Mom was with Dad. I loved all the clothes I saw but didn’t dare buy anything without Mom’s approval, but it made the two hours I had to wait fly by.
Christmas was sad and we celebrated it at the home with Dad. He was the happiest I had seen him when I entered the room. I had truly become his little girl.
My popularity grew from Christmas until summer. There didn’t seem to be enough days in the week for my career, let alone school. My agency hired a tutor so my grades wouldn’t suffer at school. I was maintaining a straight A average and I didn’t want it to drop. Ginny wasn’t happy that I was spending so much time away from school, but it couldn’t be helped. Tiffany hadn’t changed and decided to try to ruin my life. When school started again in the Fall I found out how she would try to do it.
School started and I was now officially in high school, even though this school went from Kindergarten to grade twelve. The difference was that high school was held in a different building than the lower grades, to make the distinction between grades.
My circle of friends had grown during the year and Ginny was my favorite, at school. Cindy was still my best girlfriend and we talked every night. Kurt Granger still had a crush on me, which infuriated Tiffany to no end. The first week of school ended with no problems. I guess I’m one of the natives now.
“Have you heard? Sherri told me you’re having an affair with Kurt Granger,” Ginny stated, before our Algebra class started, the second week of school.
“What!”
“She said you went all the way.”
My face was turning every color of red under the sun. How could anyone start something like that? I hadn’t even dated Kurt and for the obvious reason I hadn’t ‘gone all the way’.
“Who told her that?” I asked, my voice almost screaming.
“I don’t know, Sherri knows we’re friends and wanted to know if it was true?”
“God no, I haven’t even dated Kurt. I’m going to get to the bottom of this, but I think I know who would start such a rumor.”
The rumor had Tiffany’s prints all over it, but I was going to ask Kurt if he was behind what was being said. I knew boys sometimes exaggerated their conquests and if he had started the rumor he was dead meat.
I approached Kurt at lunch. He was sitting with some friends near the front of the school, doing what guys usually did, watch girls. As I approached all eyes were on me, and they weren’t eyes of fear, they were just the opposite. Boys never seemed to amaze me when a pretty girl walks in their direction, what they were thinking was so obvious.
I approached Kurt, smiled and said, “I’d like a word.”
Kurt’s smile faded. It wasn’t very often Amanda Flowers approached a boy, smiled and then says, ‘I want a word’. The force of those words would take the wind out of any guy’s sails, smile or not.
“What’s wrong?”
“Not here,” I said, taking his hand in mine and pulled him to where we could have some privacy.
“Woo, way to go Kurt,” one guy teased.
I just turned and glared at him.
I pulled Kurt far enough away that our conversation would be private. I realized I had missed the feeling of Kurt’s hand in mine and didn’t let go when we stopped walking. In fact, I took his other hand in mine before I spoke. His hands were making my stomach do things I didn’t want it to do but I didn’t let go. I think I was getting a crush on Kurt, again. I knew he had one on me, but because of my age nothing had become of it, but that hadn’t kept him from flirting mercilessly during my first year in school.
“What’s wrong Amanda?” he asked, with a very concerned tone of voice.
I looked into his eyes and so help me God, I wanted kiss him, me, Amanda James, had a crush.
“Have you heard the rumors?”
“What rumors?”
“God Kurt, the one where we went to bed?” I said, as tears filled my eyes.
“Shit, who would say such a thing?”
“I thought maybe you might have, you know said something to your friends or something,” I said, lowering my head as a tear dropped onto his hand.
The tear was perfect, it diffused what I had accused him of and he now wanted to make things right with me.
“Amanda, you know I would never say anything like that, especially about you. You know I really like you a lot and I’m going to find out who started this rumor and so help me God, I’ll kick their ass.”
“Please don’t get into a fight because of me,” I whimpered.
“We’ll see.”
Kurt’s face blushed as we continued to hold hands, and I have to admit mine did too. I liked having this boy show me attention even though I knew I shouldn’t let him.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Yes.”
“Since you’re fourteen now, do you think your mother would let me take you to the Homecoming dance?”
Well. I certainly didn’t expect that as I felt like I was turning into putty. I thought I was blushing before, but this really put me over the edge.
“I don’t know. I’ll ask my mother, but I might have a photo shoot and I can’t miss those. I’ll let you know tomorrow.”
“Promise?”
“I promise,” I said, as I let go of his right hand and turned to allow him to walk me back to his friends.
As we approached his friends, I could see the look of admiration in their eyes. Kurt had scored with Amanda Flowers and our intertwined fingers confirmed that thought.
Kurt let go of my hand and said, “I’ll call you later.” Then he did something I didn’t expect, he raised his hand and grazed my cheek with the back of his hand. I can’t even begin to tell you what that did to my naive little brain, God; I was so crushing on Kurt.
The rest of the afternoon all I could think of was Kurt. Thankfully my last subjects were ones I found easy to the point of boredom or I would have seen Stanford going down the drain. I could hardly wait to tell Cindy about my new love.
Lashes Chapter 13
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Chapter 13
Toward the end of my eighth grade year, Mom found another student that lived near us. Her home was about five miles out of Colfax toward Grass Valley. We now had the opportunity to carpool. Melisa was a junior and I was able to ride with her to school. Mom drove us Monday and Friday, and Melisa drove, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Melisa was aware of my Dad’s injuries and my need to miss school with my modeling career and she didn’t have a problem with any of it.
“I heard you’re seeing Kurt Granger?” Melisa stated.
My face flushed.
“I’m not seeing him. We’re just friends.”
Melisa smirked and said, “That’s not what I hear. My friend Connie told me you were holding hands at lunch and I’m sure you’ve heard what everyone else is saying about you?”
“What?”
“God Amanda, everyone knows you’re sleeping with him.”
“I am not. I barely know Kurt and I don’t know where that rumor came from, but it’s not true.”
“Then where did the rumor come from?”
“I don’t know, but that’s why I was talking to Kurt. I wanted to know if he had anything to do with it.”
“What did he say?”
“He said no, that he would never say anything like that about me.”
“He likes you, you know?”
My face turned red again before I answered.
“Why would he like me, I’m only fourteen.”
“Probably because of the obvious, you’re the prettiest girl in school, and one of the nicest.”
“Then why is someone starting rumors about me?”
“Jealousy, girlfriend, someone hates you and will do anything to hurt you.”
“But why, I don’t even know who it could be?”
“Kurt will find out, trust me, he takes care of people he likes.”
I had a pretty good idea of who started the rumor, it’s not like it took rocket science to figure it out. Tiffany had warned me she would make my life miserable and obviously this was her attempt at it.
“What are you thinking about?” Melisa asked.
“I think I know who started this thing.”
“Who?”
“Tiffany. She doesn’t like me because I don’t bow down when ever she comes around.”
“Tiffany, I’m trying to remember who she is?”
“She’s that blonde girl with the big boobs and wears the tightest clothes she can,” I laughed.
“Oh yeah, now I know who she is. It’s no wonder she started rumors, I know for a fact that she went to bed with Jeremy Collins last year and did it with Kyle Morrison during summer vacation. She’s a slut and everyone knows.”
“Well I’m not, in fact I’ve never even kissed a boy and it makes me so angry that she would say something like that.”
“Did you tell Kurt that you think its Tiffany?”
“No, I’ll tell him tomorrow.”
We rode in silence for the rest of the ride and my thoughts turned to Kurt and the massive crush I now had on him. As hard as I tried I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I would turn fuzzy at every thought. My thoughts were making me feel uneasy. I’ve been living as a girl now, for fourteen months and I love my life as it is. I love being a girl, but, yeah there’s the ‘but’, I know I’m really not a real girl. Society sees me as a girl, a very popular one and even I get caught up in that popularity, which I’m sure makes being a girl much easier for me. I’ve fallen in love with the clothing and makeup. I like doing my hair, or having it done by professionals. I love the everyday tasks needed to stay pretty and I love shopping. I guess you could say I’m a girly girl. All of that I can understand, but what I can’t understand is why I have such a crush on Kurt? I don’t have hormones racing through my system so I can’t blame them, so why? Has my brain rewired itself to think female rather than male? Cindy said I was a girl and didn’t know it, was she right? Is that why I have these feelings for another boy, or am I gay?
Melisa dropped me off and I went into the house. Mom was visiting Dad and wouldn’t be home so I would walk to Cindy’s before dinner. I still had a lot on my mind. If I had a choice, would I become Mark again? Putting the money aside and Dad didn’t need the therapy that was costing so much money, would I really want to remain a girl? Being a girl has been easy for me, in fact easier than I thought it would be, but I missed the rough and tumble of being a boy. I know I could be a Tomboy but as Dad had pointed out just one injury could derail my career. Had I missed being Mark, you bet I did, but was it because I was able to be Mark or Amanda whenever I wanted before starting my new school? Which person was more important to me, Mark or Amanda? I hadn’t been Mark for fourteen months and was this just a case of missing something different? Being honest with myself, I love being Amanda. As a girl my friendships were much different. As a girl I could hug or say just about anything to my girlfriends, and I could do the same with boys. If I was Mark, I would be slapped if I was to hug most any girl with the exception of Cindy and I sure couldn’t say anything I wanted to a girl, but was it so important that I should give up my manhood?
As a boy, I felt different about things. I felt uninhibited with regard to playing games, the rougher the better, or being a slob, not that I ever was. Maybe Cindy was right about the girl thing. I would just jump in and do things, the Hell with the consequences. I loved the time spent with my father, doing guy things. Maybe that’s what I miss most of all. I wonder if Dad and I, the Amanda I, would have spent such quality time together? My father is a very special man, and I think we would have. I think the only difference would have bee instead of being his little man, I would have been his princess.
I had to ask myself, did I really want to become Mark again, the boy Mark, or did I want to remain Amanda and have Mark be a part of my life? I certainly couldn’t be Mark and be Amanda inside, could I, or did I even want that? If I had to make a choice today, Amanda would win, hands down, but I still had that little thought in the back of my mind, did Mark have a crush on Kurt or had I changed where people couldn’t see, inside my head. Had I truly become Amanda and not known until now?
It was just about dinnertime, and I headed to Cindy’s. We had a lot to talk about.
Even though Cindy and I go to different schools we both carry 4.00 grade point averages, so our conversation always waited until we finished our homework.
“How was your day with all the rich kids?” she laughed.
“It was terrible.”
“Why?”
“Someone is spreading a rumor about me.”
“You’re kidding, what kind of rumor?”
“They’re saying I slept with one of the boys that likes me.”
“What!”
“I know. Like that’s going to happen.”
“What boy?”
I couldn’t help myself as the blush covered my face.
“Kurt Granger.”
“Who’s Kurt Granger?”
“Only the cutest boy in school, and the nicest.”
“Oh my God, girl, you like him don’t you?”
“Cindy, what am I going to do? He’s like seventeen and I just turned fourteen and God, Mom will kill me if she finds out I like a boy.”
“She wouldn’t kill you, don’t be so dramatic Amanda.”
“Cindy, it’s not the age difference I’m talking about. It’s the Mark thing. Even I get creeped out thinking about it. Does this make me gay?”
“Amanda, you’re a girl and girls like boys and like I said before, you’ve never been a boy.”
“Tell that to my doctor,” I laughed.
“Tell me more about him?”
“He’s tall and plays football and is so cute I could just die every time I see him. I know he likes me, even Melisa said so and when we were holding hands today, I thought I’d just die.”
“You were holding hands?”
“Yes. I wanted to talk to him privately about the rumor and pulled him aside. Well we ended up holding each other’s hands and when I looked in his eyes all I could think about was kissing him. When we walked back toward his friends he didn’t let go of my hand, in fact he intertwined our fingers. He asked me if I would go to the Homecoming dance with him.”
“Oh Amanda, what are you going to do?”
“I’m going to ask Mom if I can and hope she doesn’t kill me.”
“Your mom likes my mom, I’ll see if my mom will talk to her before you ask and maybe she will let you go.”
“I hope so,” I said, dreamily.
School was pretty much the same the next day, except the rumor had now spread throughout the whole school. I found Kurt at lunch and asked him to talk to me in private, and yes we held hands again.
“Did you find anything out?” I asked.
“Some things, and I think I’ll know who started this whole thing by the time school is finished. What about you, have you heard anything?
“Not much, but I think I know who started it.”
“Who?”
“Tiffany Kramer.”
“You mean the skank?”
“I know she hates me and warned me if I didn’t do what she said, she’d make my life miserable.”
“Well if it is her, I’ll take care of it. What did you do to her to make her so mad?”
“I became friends with, Ginny.”
“Who’s Ginny?”
“A girl Tiffany started bullying in the second grade. Because of that Ginny had no friends and she ended up being my lab partner last year. I thought she was kind of weird, but as I got to know her I found she was really nice. We became friends and Tiffany told me to keep away from Ginny and I told her to eff-off. Before that Tiffany want to be my friend in the worse way, because of what I do, but I could see right through her and when I chose Ginny over her, well, you can see what the results are.”
“I’ll double check with my friends, and if it is Tiffany, she’ll wish she never met you,” he said, squeezing my hand.
“Come on, we’d better get back, oh, did you ask your mother if you could go with me to the dance?”
“She’s down with my Dad and won’t be home until Thursday night. I’ll ask her then.”
“I hope she’ll let you go,” he said, as he slowed our walk back to his friends wanting to hold my hand just a little longer. Oh be still fluttering heart.
I don’t know if it was my feelings for Kurt, or watching Cindy and other girls my age become women, but I felt there was something missing, a figure. I had grown to five foot four since last year and I was still growing. I ate like a girl and was thin as a rail, which was good for my modeling career as a preteen model, but if I were going to continue with this career, I would have to get some curves. I know I could model lots of fashions that didn’t show many curves, but if I wanted to continue I would have to have the barest amount of a female figure, and to be honest I was jealous of girls that had a butt and at least a little up top. My fillets had gotten me this far, but I wanted more. Maybe that was why I was so dissatisfied with myself that I thought of being Mark again.
My routine each morning never varied. Curse the alarm, drag myself from bed and take a shower before Cindy beat me to it. I had to leave forty-five minutes before my best friend, so I obviously had to shower first. After my shower I would dry myself and stand in front of my door mirror and just look at myself. My eyes were always drawn to my penis. Because of the blockers it hadn’t grown any larger than the tiny thing it was when I was a little boy. My thoughts were always the same, was I disappointed because what little was there spoiled the look of the girl I portrayed, or was I disappointed because it hadn’t grown in size toward manhood? Perhaps I’m more critical of my looks than most other girls because of my job. I’ve been modeling for over a year and Amanda Flowers popularity has increased ten fold, all young girls wanted to be Amanda Flowers and just had to have anything Amanda touched, or recommended. Lush Cosmetics had risen to number three in sales and had already started negotiations with Mrs. Meyer to renew my contract.
The more I looked at myself the less I liked what I saw. My chest was flat, my waist barely went in and my hips were just as disappointing. My legs were just as much of a disappointment, my thighs were skinny and the transition from thigh to calf was boney. I was basically a girl with a boy’s body and I hated it, but did I hate the girl part, or the boy part? I could ask Mom to stop the blockers and start my male puberty, get some muscles, hair on my face and a penis I wouldn’t be ashamed of. I fingered my hair and realized that would have to go too, as would the beautiful complexion on my face, pimples, eww.
If I was to start puberty as a girl the hair will remain as well as the complexion, but even more important my boney body would become softer looking. Was that what I really wanted? I couldn’t help looking at my face and even without makeup, I was really beautiful and did I want to destroy my face if I chose to become a man? I couldn’t imagine what being a man with this face would do to me. I loved being pretty and I loved being a girl and maybe, just maybe Mom will let me do some rough things as a girl. I can’t imagine living as sheltered as I have for the rest of my life. If she lets me, I’m going to ask her if I can become a woman, because Cindy was right, I really am a girl inside.
Melisa and I arrived at school five minutes early. Kurt was waiting for me by the entrance.
“Hi Amanda, I’ve got news.”
“You found out who’s doing this to us?”
Kurt took my hand in his before he answered. It felt warm and I liked what it did to me.
“You were right, it was Tiffany. I confronted the bitch when she came to school this morning and at first she denied having anything to do with the rumor. I called her a liar and she broke down in tears and admitted she was the source. I told her if she didn’t make it right, I’d get our parents involved and I thought she would faint.”
“Why?”
“My dad is her father’s biggest customer and if he was to lose my fathers business she could pretty much forget about going to school here. Come on, let me walk you to class.”
“I have to go to my locker first.”
“Good, that way I can spend more time with you.”
I blushed. After that my day was bright again. No more problems from Tiffany and no more rumors, yahoo.
Mom came home tonight and I had things I want to talk to her about.
“How’s Dad?”
“He improved a lot since last week. He’s starting to walk again, with a walker of course, but it’s a start. If he keeps improving like he has, the doctor says he might be able to come home by Christmas.”
“Christmas, God, Mom, that’s so far away.”
“Honey, it’s only three months. He’s been gone for over a year. Don’t worry; those three months will pass faster than you think. How’s your school going?”
“Okay, I guess,” I said, with a slightly whiney tone of voice.
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s nothing.”
“Come on Amanda, I know better than that. What’s bothering my little girl?”
“Mom, a girl at school spread rumors about me. It was so humiliating.”
“What kind of rumors, I hope it wasn’t about Mark.”
God Mom thought someone had told that I was a boy. No one even knows that I’m not a girl.
“No, Mom, it’s not that. She said I was sleeping with a boy who goes to our school.”
Mom couldn’t help sniggering, that would be a nice trick.
“Honey, that happens all the time. Every time a girl doesn’t like another one, that’s the first thing she’ll do to ruin the girl’s reputation. I hope you confronted her.”
“No, Kurt did.”
“Who’s Kurt?”
“The boy I was supposed to have slept with. He told Tiffany if she didn’t make things right, he’d tell her parents and his father would take his business away from Tiffany’s dad.”
“Why would Tiffany start a rumor like that?”
“Because I’m friends with Ginny, you know her, the girl who was my lab partner last year.”
“Why would she even care if Ginny’s your friend?”
“Because she’s a bully and has picked on Ginny since second grade. When I started school Tiffany wanted me to be her new best friend but I became friends with Ginny instead. She told me she’d get back at me so this is why she started the rumor.”
“Why did she say it about this Kurt boy?”
“Because he kind of likes me.”
“Everyone likes you Amanda.”
“Not like that, he has a crush on me.”
Mom visibly paled when I said that.
“And what about you, do you have feelings for him too?”
I hung my head. Mom knew I couldn’t lie to her and my actions just cemented what she already knew.
“Yes,” I said, softly.
“Amanda, what are you thinking? You know this is just for your career, not to like boys. How long has this boy had a crush on you?”
“Since my first day of school.”
“And you didn’t tell me about it?” Mom asked, as her voice increased in volume.
“Mom, I told him I was just thirteen and you wouldn’t approve of him calling me.”
“You’re certainly right about that, for two reasons, you’re too young and you’re a boy.”
“Mom, I’m not a boy.”
“Mark, you are one, as much as you think you’re not.”
“That’s just it Mom, I’m not a boy, I’m a girl and I want to remain one for the rest of my life. I want to start puberty as a girl.”
There I said it. The words I had so feared to say. My real feelings came out when I spoke before I thought of what I would say. Mom just looked at me. She didn’t look angry, but she had the same look on her face she had when she was told of my father’s accident, the look of panic at losing the love of your life. Her eyes filled with tears, but she didn’t sob, she just starred at me. I never felt so low in my life. I had just broken my mother’s heart.
Mom starred for what seemed like hours, until my eyes filled too, my tears ran from my eyes dropping into the floor.
Finally Mom said, ”Come here,” and opened her arms to hold me.
I rushed to her embrace and she closed her arms around me. I never felt more loved or protected.
“What have I done to deserve a wonderful daughter like you?”
Mom held me until my tears stopped. She had always comforted me when I was younger, but as I grew older Dad kind of fell into that mode. If I was hurt, he’d put an arm around me and comfort me, but this was different with Mom. It was as though she had finally buried her son and was starting to see the girl I had become.
“Mom, I’m not all that wonderful.”
“How can you say that? I can’t think of another girl who would have done what you did to help your father. Honey, I know how much you wanted to remain a boy after you started school, but learned to like who you were becoming. I’m your mother and could see you embraced being Amanda, but I could also see you wanted to be Mark, too. I can’t imagine the tension you must have felt when you couldn’t be Mark when you wanted. I know you missed playing with your friends, your boy friends. You used to come home so dirty but had the biggest smile on your face that I couldn’t get angry with you for doing boy things. Your father was so proud of you, especially when you stood up to those bullies and when he couldn’t remember you, God I thought I would die.”
“But he did remember me, the Amanda me.”
“Yes he did and you should hear him brag about his daughter, the model, at the hospital. He loves you very much, Amanda.”
“And I love him too, Mom. He makes me feel very special.”
“You said something a minute ago that I’m not sure I liked very much.”
“What was that, Mom?”
“That you wanted to remain a girl for the rest of your life, that you wanted to become a woman.”
“Yes, Mom, all the other girls in my class have started to get curves and I’m not. I look at myself in the mirror every morning and hate what I see, a boy with a pretty face. I want my body to match that face, please Mom?”
“Oh Honey, that’s such a huge step to take, and what if you change your mind after you start to become a woman?”
“Mom, I won’t. I keep thinking of what would happen to me if I became a man, and it scares me. I love my face the way it is now, and if I become a man that will all change. And I don’t want it to.”
“Honey being a man has nothing to do with your face, its what’s inside.”
“I know that, Mom, and I know I’m a girl inside. I don’t want to be a boy anymore.”
“I don’t know sweetheart, I’m going to have to think about what you’re asking.”
“Okay Mom, but please don’t take too long, I really want to have a girl’s puberty.”
We ate after that and I went to bed. I realized that I hadn’t even mentioned that Kurt had asked me to the Homecoming dance, but decided one decision on my mom’s part was enough for one evening and beside, Cindy’s mom was supposed to soften up my mom for me before I popped the question.
Mrs. Meyer talked to Mom the next day, mostly about the renewal of my contract with Lush. She informed Mom that my fees to the were going to triple, and my hourly rates for clothes modeling was going to go from ten thousand a day to five thousand an hour. Mom was beside herself. Then the subject of dating came up.
“Rachel, there’s something else we have to discuss and I don’t know if you’ll like what I’m going to say. It concerns Amanda and boys.”
“Amanda hasn’t had any problems with boys,” Mom said.
“Oh don’t get me wrong, I know she hasn’t gone on a date yet, but she will be asked. Rumor has it that one of Hollywood’s new heart throbs wants to ask her to one of the awards presentations in November, and it would do her career nothing but good if she went.”
“Gloria, Amanda’s fourteen and there is the obvious problem with her real sex.”
“Listen, the date will be chaperoned and the two will never be alone. Basically those functions are nothing more than photo shoots. Amanda's part will be eye candy for the boy she’s seen with.”
“Are you sure nothing will happen to her?”
“Trust me, if anything did, I’d be the first one there to kill whom ever touched her.”
“I guess I’ll allow it, but just this once. I don’t want her dating on a steady basis.”
“Thank you, I’ll let Hollywood know they can arrange the date.”
“Gloria, something else has come up with her that’s a bit more serious. She wants to begin her puberty as a girl.”
Gloria could barely contain her excitement at the thought that Amanda Flowers was here to stay. Her biggest fear was that Amanda would someday decide that she would want Mark back in her life. If that was the case then her modeling career would be over and this news was like she had just won the lottery. Amanda was her meal ticket and if her husband wanted to divorce her, then it would be bye, bye baby. Amanda would be making millions, and Gloria got ten percent of whatever she made. Amanda was going to remain a girl and best of all she couldn’t get pregnant. It couldn’t get any better than that.
“I’ll call her doctor in San Francisco and see what can be done. Amanda’s under age and I’m sure it will take a little persuasion to let her start taking hormones, but I’m sure her therapist will think it’s the best for her.”
“I hope it is. I thought a lot about it last night, and she’s so sure this is what she wants to do. I hope I’m not wrong if I let her.”
Mom picked Melisa and me up after school. I rode shotgun and Melisa rode behind me.
“Amanda, are you going to the Homecoming dance. I heard Kurt asked you. We could double,” Melisa, asked.
I couldn’t help the slight twitch from Mom as she drove from the front of the school.
“I haven’t had a chance to ask my mom yet, Mom, can I go?”
Knowing my mother, I expected her to give me a dirty look and say no and that would be the end of it.
She surprised me when she asked Melisa, “Is this Kurt a nice boy?”
“Yes Mrs. James. He’s probably the nicest in school. He plays football and has the highest grade point average in the senior class.”
Mom was silent for a few minutes. I could tell she was uncomfortable about the thought of her daughter going on a date with a boy.
“Amanda, how do you feel about this dance thing? Do you want to go?”
“Yes, Mom.”
She was silent again and when she spoke, said, “If I let you go, I’ll want to meet this boy, and Melisa, you’ll be responsible to see nothing bad happens to Amanda.”
“I can go?” I asked, excitedly.
“Yes, you can go, I just hope this isn’t a mistake.”
Melisa gave me the thumbs up.
We arrived home after dropping off Melisa.
“Amanda, I want to talk to you. We have some things to discuss.”
“Let me put my things away, I’ll be right back.”
My thoughts ran to the, Mom’s going to give me the lecture about using my friends to get what I wanted and she wasn’t pleased.
“Yes Mom,” I said, as I entered the kitchen.
“Please sit down, I have some things to talk to you about.”
I sat at the kitchen table and waited for the lecture.
“Honey, I thought a lot about what you said last night about wanting to remain Amanda after you’ve finished your modeling career and I’m going to allow you to do it, become a girl.”
You could have knocked me over with a feather; my Mom was going to let me become a woman.
“Mom, really?”
“Yes honey, really. Gloria is going to contact your doctor and see what can be done to help you.”
I jumped form my chair and ran around the table gathering my mother in my arms and said, “Thank you, Mom.”
When we broke the hug and I returned to my seat.
“Do you think Dad will let me do this?”
“Honey, Dad already thinks you’re a girl.”
“But what happens if he remembers Mark?”
“We’ll have to cross that bridge when we come to it, but I wouldn’t worry too much because I don’t think those memories will come back,” she said, wistfully.
“When can I start my puberty?”
“Gloria will let us know but it should be soon. Now, let’s talk about your date for the dance. First, don’t ever try to use your friends to fight your battles again. I know Melisa was just trying to help you, but I don’t like being put into a corner like that. If you had asked I would have let you go anyway. You’re a girl in high school, and girls your age start dating boys. I am surprised though that you want to date now.”
“Why Mom, I’m in high school?”
“Because you’re still a boy.”
“But I’m not, I never have been, I just didn’t see that.”
“I suppose, but I’m just not ready for my girl to be bringing boys home just yet. If you were still Mark I would have expected to see a girl on your arm, but as a girl, I worry about you. Things happen to girls that don’t happen to boys. Just be careful Amanda, now get your homework done.”
“Yes, Mom.”
I went to my room and dropped onto my bed. I could hardly believe what had just taken place, I was going on a date, and I was going to become a real girl. Then the weirdest thing popped into my head, what about Mark? I still couldn’t let go of Mark and wondered why? I wanted to be Amanda, so why did I still think about being Mark again? Did I really want to become Mark again, or did I just want to re-live the memories of Mark and the times I had with my father? I love being my father’s girl, but we’ve really never done anything as a father and daughter other than visit in the hospital. I had other memories of Dad when I was Mark, all the lessons for life that Amanda never was able to have her father teach her. My mind went blank for a second and then I knew, Mark’s memories would always be with me, the real me, Amanda, the luckiest girl in the world.
Lashes Chapter 14
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The big night finally arrived and I was ready when Kurt arrived with Melisa and Brian. Because it was the Homecoming dance I dressed casually, a mini showing my legs a cute blouse with a scooped neck and two inch heels. I did my own makeup and my hair had been style a week before at a photo shoot, so I was looking better than I thought I would. Everything was perfect except for the butterflies in my stomach.
Chapter 14
I was still on a high when I went to school Monday. All my indecision about being a girl seemed to be gone, but then again I had felt that way before, but I might as well enjoy myself until I wanted to be a boy again, NOT. Kurt was waiting for me by the front door. I swear that boy must really like me a lot.
“Guess what?” he asked
“What?”
“Tiffany admitted she lied about you.”
“She did?”
“Yep, and she’s going to tell everyone she did, so we’ll have out reputations back.”
“Thank God, and now I have some news for you. Mom says I can go to the dance with you.”
You’d have thought I just gave Kurt a Christmas present, from the smile on his face.
“Swear?”
“Yes, except we have to double with Melisa.”
“Melisa, the junior girl?”
“Yes.”
“I know her, she’s nice. I think she’s going with Brian Cox. He’s on the football team with me. Come on, I’ll walk you to class.”
Kurt took my hand and intertwined our fingers; I guess I’m his girlfriend now.
Things got back to normal. Tiffany was shunned because of the rumor she lied about and couldn’t look me in the eye when we saw each other. Kurt seemed to be spending more and more time with me, as the dance grew closer.
The big night finally arrived and I was ready when Kurt arrived with Melisa and Brian. Because it was the Homecoming dance I dressed casually, a mini showing my legs a cute blouse with a scooped neck and two inch heels. I did my own makeup and my hair had been style a week before at a photo shoot, so I was looking better than I thought I would. Everything was perfect except for the butterflies in my stomach.
Kurt came into the house and Mom gave him the, don’t you dare touch my daughter speech, and then took a few pictures and then it was off to the dance. We had a wonderful time and Melisa watched me like a hawk.
Ginny was at the dance with two of her friends. She looked good and spent most of the evening dancing with whichever stag guy asked her. It was nice to see that my suggestion to her had paid off and it was good to see her smiling. I would have to call her in the morning to see if she snagged some unsuspecting boy. Something else I noticed was Tiffany wasn’t anywhere to be seen. I guess her embarrassment was too much for her to take.
My curfew was eleven o’clock since the dance ended at ten. We left a half of an hour early so we could spend time alone, well if you call four of us alone. Kurt and Melisa knew we couldn’t go somewhere and make-out so we went to the local burger place for a soda and just to talk. I’m kind of glad, because I wasn’t ready for steamy sex, God I’m only fourteen, but if I failed at not getting a kiss from Kurt at least once, I’d feel like a failure.
Our touches had become more than just holding hands. Kurt would put his arm around my waist whenever we were walking and I in turn found my arm around him. There was something that felt so right about all this, forgetting that I was still Mark under all these clothes.
We left the restaurant just before ten-thirty so we would make it home with minutes to spare. Kurt was driving and I wanted so badly to be able to sit next to him, but seatbelt laws were just the thing to make fathers happy that there would be no hanky-panky going on while driving, well not legally. I still hadn’t gotten my kiss.
We arrived home and Kurt walked me to the door. The porch light was on, and I knew Mom was waiting on the other side of the door.
Kurt took both of my hands in his and said, “I had a wonderful time tonight Amanda. Thank you for going with me.”
“Thank you for asking me,” I said.
There was nothing more to say except goodnight and I didn’t want to be disappointed so I looked up into his eyes and raised myself up toward his lips. Thankfully he took the hint and lowered his mouth to mine and I had my first kiss. It only lasted for a few seconds, but it had a profound effect on me. I was in love.
I watched as Kurt drove away, before entering the house. Surprise, surprise, Mom was waiting.
“Well, did you have fun?” she asked.
“Oh Mom, thank you so much for letting me go. We had such a wonderful time,” I gushed.
“Did your young man behave himself?”
“Yes Mom, he was a perfect gentleman.”
“Except for the goodnight kiss.”
“You saw?”
“I didn’t need to, your lipstick is smeared.”
I couldn’t help blushing.
“It was only a goodnight kiss.”
“Honey, I know, just be careful.”
I hugged my mother goodnight and went to my room for a fitful sleep. I couldn’t get my mind off of Kurt and our kiss. I knew I was one hundred percent girl now, well except for the obvious, but as far as Mark was concerned he was gone. If that were the case, then why did I wake from my dreams in a sweat? I always ended up as a boy with short hair and muscles, kissing Kurt for all I was worth. I had asked my mother to start a girl’s puberty, but was that what I really wanted, or was my life and my fixation with Kurt just a way to confirm I was now a girl? Was that kiss a girl’s first kiss, or was it a homosexual experience that Mark had desired? I didn’t know anymore, having lived as a girl for over a year, was I trying to overcompensate for my insecurities and was I being honest with myself? I know I still have to model to keep us in our home and Dad in therapy, but if I didn’t have that responsibility would I still want to remain a girl? God how I hate dreams, all they do is screw up my mind. I was so sure of my desire to become a girl, and now, it isn’t fair.
I rose the next morning and looked like death warmed over. I don’t think I slept more than three or four hours combined. It was wake and sleep, wake and sleep, toss and turn. I swear I had bags under my eyes. I showered which helped wake me up, but as I passed my mirror, I looked at the scrawny girl reflected back and wondered if having no shape was the reason for my nightmares. Hopefully the doctor can start my puberty soon.
I called Ginny like I promised and woke her from a very restful sleep. She wasn’t happy.
“Hi Ginny, it’s Amanda.”
“God Amanda, it’s only nine o’clock.”
“Time to rise and shine. I promised I’d call to see how things went at the dance?”
“Things went well at the dance, it’s this morning that things didn’t.”
“Why what happened this morning?”
“You woke me up.”
“Well aren’t we miss Grumpy in the morning?”
“You know how I hate mornings, but since you called and I’m missing my beauty sleep I might as well be civil. I had so much fun last night, and one boy said he’d call to ask me out.”
“Wow, really? Do you think your parents will let you go?”
“They don’t care, as long as I’m happy.”
“My mom wouldn’t let me, that’s for sure. I was lucky to go last night and the only reason I could was I doubled with Melisa. I know Mom won’t let me date alone for a while, probably not until I’m sixteen.”
“Why not?”
“My mom’s pretty strict when I comes to boys.”
“I can see her point, you’re so pretty, and you never know what the boy is like that you’re dating.”
“Kurt’s really nice. He kissed me goodnight.”
Ginny squeaked her approval.
“What was it like?”
“It took my breath away,” I embellished.
“Kurt is sooo cute, you two look so good together.”
“Thank you.”
“Did you notice Tiffany wasn’t there?”
’Yes, I guess she’s afraid to show her face.”
“I hope so, she ruined my life until you came along. I love you for all you’ve done for me.”
“I didn’t do anything.”
“You did, you gave me the confidence to be myself and I love you for it.”
“You’re a nice person, Ginny, and I love you too.”
After I ended my call with Ginny I called Cindy and pretty much told her the same thing I told Ginny about the dance and kiss.
“I wish my mother would let me go on a date,” Cindy lamented.
“Your mom won’t let you date?”
“Not until I’m sixteen.”
“I think my mom is going to do the same thing with me, unless I’m with a bunch of people. The only reason she let me go last night was that Melisa promised to watch over me.”
“At least you got to go. Oooh, Mom said you’re going to start hormones?”
“I’m thinking about it.”
“You should. Girls our age started years ago.”
“Remember, I haven’t been a girl that long.”
“Amanda, you were born a girl and you’re just finding out now. Go for it.”
“We’ll see.”
“If you don’t, I’ll never talk to you again,” she laughed.
“Even if the hormones I take are for boys and I end up being some tall stud asking you out?”
“Give me a break girlfriend, you’re too pretty to be a boy.”
“What about that boy Andre Prej, something. He models boy’s and girl’s clothes and he’s so pretty. I think he’s a girl most of the time.”
I still think you should just be a girl and be happy.”
“How do you know I wouldn’t be happy as a boy?”
“Because you’re a girl inside. We’ve had this conversation a million times Amanda and you always end up agreeing with me.”
“I can still argue a little bit, and I do miss being Mark once in a while.”
“Why?”
“Because I didn’t have to worry about getting hurt and could do what I want. I can’t as a girl, and not because a girl can’t do the same things as a boy, but because of what I do for money. If I was to break my nose, your mother would have a fit.”
“That’s why they have plastic surgeons. After you start your hormones you’ll be able go out for girls sports like soccer and volleyball.”
“Then that’s what I’ll do.”
“Start your hormones?”
“No silly, go out for girls sports.”
“You might be a girl now, but that boy part of you will never change. I’m just glad you stopped climbing trees.”
“I had to or the boys would look up my skirt, bye Cindy.”
Over the next few weeks Kurt asked me out again, but Mom wouldn’t let me date, well, Kurt at least. Let me explain, I’ve been asked to go on a date with Jason Steele, you know the next newest Justin Bieber, to the United Music awards show in November. Apparently he saw my picture in Teen and had to meet me, so his people called my people and the date was set. I thought the whole thing was stupid, but it’s actually a working job. Hollywood is paying me to be seen with Jason and will fly me down to Hollywood for a complete makeover and wardrobe provided by one of the fashion houses I model for. Now don’t get me wrong, I think Jason is kind of cute and I’m going on a date most girls my age would kill for, but well, I still like Kurt and, oh never mind. Let’s just say I’m a very lucky girl right now.
The awards show is six weeks away and there were lots of things to do that didn’t involve the date. I guess because of the publicity who ever is putting this together needed the time to plan our every move. Welcome to the world of paparazzi, Amanda.
Three days after the call from my agents, Mrs. Meyer came to visit Mom.
“Rachel, we have to talk,” she said.
“Hi Gloria, what’s up?”
“I’ve looked into the request you made last week, you know about the hormones?”
Mom shook slightly before answering.
“Yes, I remember.”
“Well I talked to Amanda’s doctor and it took some persuading, but I convinced her that Amanda wants to start her puberty.”
“I didn’t think you’d work so fast?”
“Listen Rachel, time is our enemy and the sooner Amanda starts her hormones the better of she’ll be. She won’t have to worry about overcoming those pesky male traits like an Adam’s apple or facial hair. You told me she’s excited about starting her puberty.”
“I know I did, it’s just that I’m not sure it’s the right thing to do?”
“Why don’t we ask her then? Let her make the decision. I know she’ll want to do it, and like I said, time is our enemy.”
“Amanda, would you come here for a moment?” Mom called, to my bedroom.
“Oh, hi Mrs. Meyer,” I said, as I entered the kitchen.
“Dressing down?” Mrs. Meyer commented, looking at the choice of clothing I wore while I studied or just kicked back around the house. I looked like any other teen girl my age, worn old denim cutoffs with a pink tank top and no shoes. Just call me Daisy Mae.
“Amanda, Gloria came by to talk to us about your transition and we have a very important decision to make concerning you,” Mom said.
I looked questioningly at Mrs. Meyer.
“Amanda, your mother told me you wanted to start taking hormones to make yourself a bit more curvy.”
“Yes, last week.”
“Well I called your doctor and she’s agreed to allow that to happen, but we want to be absolutely sure this is what you want? Like I told your mother, time is very import and the longer we delay the harder it will be for you to look like a natural woman, without surgery anyway. I might add that the people you do business with are going to wonder why you haven’t started to become a woman soon. I just thought I’d add that.”
Wow, talk about blindsiding me. I know I had talked to Mom about starting puberty, but I didn’t think it would happen so soon. After the dance becoming a woman was all I could think about and nothing I wanted more. But as the last few days went by, I’ve had doubts as to whether I wanted to take that next big step. Yes, I absolutely wanted curves, but did I want to become a girl? When I look at Kurt, there is no doubt in my mind that’s what I’m supposed to be. It’s when I’m alone with my thoughts that I become indecisive. My mind keeps thinking of when Dad and I were together before any of this model thing took place. He was so proud of his boy and I was proud of the man I was becoming, a real man, not one of those beer drinking, woman beating assholes you read about in the paper.
To this day, I still can’t figure out why naming myself had made such an impact on me. I love being Amanda Flowers and Amanda James and to be honest I want to really become that person, it’s just that I love my father so much and miss the life lessons he was teaching me. My indecision could be because I miss my father so much. When I leave him after a visit my eyes always fill with tears, especially after calls me his princess. Perhaps if I transition I’ll become more at ease with myself, after all, Dad, doesn’t even remember a boy named Mark. What do I have to lose, I’m a girl already, so what difference could some hormones make anyway?
“Okay Mrs. Meyer, I want to start taking them. When can I start?”
“I made an appointment for you Saturday morning. You can go by on the way to visit your father.”
And so it was done, I was really going to become Amanda Flowers, the girl with a niggling doubt buried deep in her brain.
Saturday found Mom and I in the doctor’s office. There wasn’t any talk about what the hormones were going to do to my body except make me into a woman. Mrs. Meyer had seen to that. The only stipulation was that we paid cash and didn’t tell anyone that she had prescribed the hormones for me. Everything else was done by the book, blood work every visit with a checkup too. The meds were expensive almost double what they should be, but I guess that’s what you get when the doctor bends the rules a bit. It was a girl with sore buttocks when I entered the room to visit my father.
“How’s my princess?” Dad asked, as his face brightened with a smile.
“Everything’s good Dad. I went to a dance.”
Dad’s face became a scowl when I said that.
“Your mother let you?”
“Dad, it was the homecoming, and I went with friends. Nothing happened.”
“I hope not, or there will be Hell to pay when I get home. Tell me about this boy you went with.”
“His name is Kurt Grainger and he’s very nice. He goes to the same school as me. He’s on the football team”, I added, hoping it would make an impression, “Mom met him and she likes him.”
“Which reminds me, the doctors say I might be able to come home before Christmas, so I can protect my little girl from one of those football bullies.”
“Really Dad? Kurt’s not that way.”
“Yes really, Honey, and I’m just kidding about that boy.”
“I hope you do, I miss you.”
“I miss you too, sweetheart.”
Dad had been looking better each time I saw him. He can walk with a walker and has walked unassisted across his room to the bathroom. He still doesn’t remember some things before the accident, but he has regained his knowledge of his job and hopefully will be able to return to work in the future. Thankfully my modeling job has paid me more than enough to pay for his expensive medical bills.
Mom and I stayed the weekend as we usually do, returning home Sunday night. The message light was blinking on the answering machine. It was a message from Gloria stating that my date with Jason Steele was going to happen and to call her for the details.
The event was going to take place on a Tuesday night in Hollywood so we would have to arrive Monday night. I was scheduled for a dress fitting and makeover session Tuesday starting in the morning for the fitting and the afternoon to have my hair and makeup done. I would be picked up at our hotel. Jason and I would be driven to the awards ceremony and then to an awards party afterward. To say I was a little excited would be an understatement; I was going on a date with Jason Steele.
Four weeks later, Mom and I flew from Sacramento on the Monday before the big event, yep that’s what a date with Jason Steele was, an event. We were given a suite at the Bonaventure, being told only the best was good enough for Amanda Flowers and it wouldn’t look good for the photographers to see me coming out of a Motel Six for my big date. I could see their point, the rags that would be publishing the photos, not to mention the TV programs dedicated to Hollywood fantasy, would look for the smallest detail to make me look bad, so only the best for publicity.
I won’t bore you with everything that took place Tuesday, suffice to say the fitting took three hours and when it was done the dress I was to wear was stunning. Every bit of my wardrobe was co-coordinated from my lingerie to my heels. I didn’t know how I was going to walk, as these were the highest heels I had ever seen. Mom said they were five inches and I wondered if I would tower over Jason? I had grown to five foot six and still showed no indication of slowing down.
The afternoon was relaxing. I was given a mini spa treatment and was back to the hotel by four, coifed and made up as sexily as possible. Mom had more than a little concern with the way I looked. The word predator came to mind.
My dress was beautiful, showing more than a little of my legs. I critiqued myself and as usual hated my skinny legs, but had to admit they really did look nice with this dress. The phone rang to inform me the limo had arrived and Jason was waiting.
“I have to go Mom,” I said as I grabbed my purse.
“Oh no you don’t young lady, not before I meet your date. It might not be the real thing, but it is a date and I want to meet this Jason boy.”
“Mom, this is so embarrassing.”
“I don’t care, no introduction, no date.”
I called down to the front desk and asked then to have Jason come to my room, which he did. I have to give him credit for doing so.
“Jason, I’m sorry for putting you through this, but I won’t have my daughter dating anyone until I meet them. I know it’s old fashion, but that’s the way I am.”
“That’s okay Mrs. James, my parents raised me to be a considerate man and meeting a girl’s parents is the right thing to do,” he said, obviously kissing up to Mom.
“Well you two have fun, and Amanda, you behave yourself.”
God I could have died when Mom said that. It wasn’t like Jason and I were running off to some hotel to have sex.
“Your Mom’s nice,” Jason said, as he escorted me to the elevators.
“She can be a bit protective, sorry.”
“She should be. You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever met.”
I blushed.
Jason is seventeen years old and has been gaining popularity over the last year and a half. He had gone from an unknown boy singer to the latest teen heartthrob and his videos were selling in the millions of copies. He had been linked to several young girls over the same period of time and every time he was seen with someone new it made the rumor mills. I wondered what would be said about me as his latest flame?
Jason told me he still wasn’t used to the fame. He was raised in a small town in Iowa and only became noticed as a singer by accident. He was singing at a church recital and one of the members had brought her brother who happened to be a music director for a major record label. He liked what he heard and with Jason’s good looks the rest was history, instant boy heartthrob.
My story wasn’t much different, girl is noticed and girl becomes a model. I just didn’t know how popular that model would become. Small town girl meets small town boy and the sparks fly; yep the Inquirer was going to have a field day with this.
We arrived at the theater with flashes blinking so fast that I thought it was a light show. The Limo driver came around the car and opened my door for me, extended his hand and helped me from the rear seat. I hoped I was able to hold my dress down enough not to show the world my choice of panties for the evening. Jason slid out after me, smiling and waving to his fans. The teen girls in attendance were beside themselves as he turned to his left and right with his dazzling smile. I felt like another piece of eye candy for him until I heard my name being called, “Amanda.”
I looked toward the voice and knew a girl had called for me, but had no idea who it was. It was then that I learned of my fan base.
I had received fan letters ever since my career began, but my agency had forwarded just a few. The rest were sent to a department that did nothing but answer fan letters for all the models with a printed note of thanks for sending a letter. The response included an autographed picture of whichever model the letter was addressed to. But now there wasn’t anyone to buffer the adoration from my fans, and to be honest it was intimidating. Pens and papers were thrust to me for an autograph, which I signed, with a smile.
Jason finally took my arm and said, “We have to get inside.”
As we walked arm in arm to the entry, all I heard was, “Amanda, Amanda, we love you.”
The show was fun and sitting so close to all the entertainers was beyond description. To be in the same place as my idols had me in more than a little awe. Just being Jason’s date was pretty awesome and then being in the same room as Gaga, wow.
Jason won an award for being the up and coming entertainer of the year, and I kissed his cheek when he returned to his seat, to the flash of the approved photographers cameras. He couldn’t have had a bigger smile on his face.
After the ceremony we went to an after party at the Hilton. Cameras were everywhere. I realized this party was nothing more than a publicity thing for the artists. I was approached several times by TV journalists asking if I was Jason’s new girlfriend, to which I replied that we were just dating, oops.
The evening ended and I was driven back to the hotel.
“Amanda, I had fun this evening. Could I ask you to go out with me again?”
I smiled and said, “I’d like that very much, but I’m only fourteen years old and I know my mother won’t let me date until I’m sixteen.”
“Damn, I forgot you’re so young. You seem so much older.”
Jason might be seventeen, but he already knew the lines to use on impressionable young girls.
The limo arrived and the doorman opened the rear for me to slide out. Jason followed and took my hands in his. He looked into my eyes with his sexiest stare.
“Thank you for being my date Amanda, I’m going to miss you,” he said, and lowered his lips to mine. As they touched fireworks erupted, I was so in love with this teen idol.
Opening my eyes, I realized I hadn’t seen fireworks. I had seen the flash of cameras pointed in our direction. Oh God, I just knew who would be on the front page of every newspaper in the land, Jason’s new girlfriend. I wondered if Jason had kissed me for the cameras? I hoped not.
Jason was gallant enough to walk me to my room and kissed me softly once again. There were no more fireworks and I realized he was just a nice boy I really liked.
“Goodnight Jason, and thank you for a fun evening.”
“The pleasure was all mine and I’ll have my people get a hold of your people and maybe we can do this again,” he laughed.
I couldn’t help myself realizing he was just pulling my leg because of how ridiculous that sounded, but unfortunately that’s the way things were done in the entertainment industry.
Mom was waiting for me and it was nearly midnight. I know she was a little worried about her daughter, but also knew we could never be alone even for a minute. The risks were just too high for something embarrassing to happen to our careers. Jason didn’t need bad publicity, not did I, but it would harm a star like him more than me, as I was just an up and coming model with a small fan base. Nothing could be farther from the truth, which I would out find the next morning.
Lashes Chapter 15
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Chapter 15
The phone rang in our suite waking both Mom and me.
“Hello,” Mom said.
“Oh my God, have you seen the news?”
It was Gloria, and she was beside herself.
“What news?”
“Well not really the news, but the gossip news?”
“God no, I never watch that crap.”
“Well maybe you should, your daughter is the morning headlines.”
“How can that be? All she did was go to the award show and a party afterward.”
“Exactly, and guess what? Jason and Amanda kissed in front of God and everyone else.”
“Amanda kissed a boy?”
“Not just any boy Rachel, she kissed Jason Steele, and would you like to know who the story is about? Amanda Flowers, not Jason Steele, but Amanda Flowers. Amanda is now our countries newest sweetheart and everything she does is now news. You should have heard the conversation, was this her first kiss, is she in love with Jason Steele, or more importantly, is Jason Steele in love with Amanda Flowers. Every teen and tween girl is living through Amanda Flowers and if Jason hurts her, there will be Hell to pay. What was Amanda thinking?”
“I have no idea, Gloria, but there must be some explanation.”
“I hope there is. Amanda’s life just changed and she isn’t going to have a moments peace from now on.”
Gloria hung up the phone and Mom called me from my bedroom. Yep, we got the two-bedroom suite. Hollywood Models really knows how to spend money.
“Amanda, I just got a call from Gloria and she said something about you kissing Jason Steele. Is she telling the truth?”
“It was just a goodnight kiss Mom, nothing happened.”
“I’m afraid something did happen and now it’s all over the news.”
“What news?”
“News from the awards ceremony, you know the one that highlights what all the women were wearing, and who was with whom. You know what was said about your goodnight kiss?”
“What?”
“Was this Amanda Flowers first kiss and were you and Jason in love and to make matters worse, the story was about you, with Jason as an after thought.”
“Oh my God.”
“Gloria said our lives are going to change, but this is so new to us, I have no idea of what’s going to happen.”
We packed and called for our limo to bring us to the airport. As we exited the front doors of the hotel, I saw the changes Gloria had said would take place. Photographers, and people surrounded the entrance with microphones, all shoving and pushing to get closer to me. I felt like a dear caught in the headlights.
“Amanda, what was it like when Jason kissed you? Amanda, are you going to see Jason again? Are you in love? Was he your first kiss? Did he call you for another date? Are you seeing anyone else? Amanda, do you have any advice for other girls your age?”
I was dumb struck. I couldn’t utter a word. Who cares what I think or say? I’m just a fourteen-year-old girl from Colfax who had gone on an arraigned date with a boy as eye candy. How was I to know I would be the center of interest and not Jason, as planned, but even worse was that I had no idea of what I should do now?
The doorman pushed an opening to the limo and held the door open for us to enter. I got in first and Mom followed. The door was shut and the car lurched forward, flashes blinding us through the window.
“Mom, what was that?”
“That my dear was an indication of what your fans think of you.”
“But I haven’t done anything.”
“Exactly, and that’s why everyone wants to get to know you.”
“Mom, I don’t know about this. I thought all I had to do was be a girl and take some photos. What happens if they find out about Mark?”
“Honey, we’ve done everything possible for that not to happen. I just hope it was enough.”
We arrived at the airport to more flashes and questions. I said nothing and was soon on the plane home.
Thankfully we landed at Sacramento and the crush of paparazzi was left in Los Angeles. I doubt celebrities flew into Sacramento more that twice a year and paparazzi made their money with quantity and not quality. That explained the absence of the flashing cameras.
Things settled down after that. The next week I was on the cover of most of the rags and knew my pictures would end up on the bottom of some birdcage somewhere. I still couldn’t figure out the fascination with Amanda Flowers. Unfortunately for me, that fascination didn’t die on the floor of LAX, and it would take time, but the rats would find me.
The next big event came December twenty-first. Dad came home. It was the best Christmas present I could have had.
Let me explain that my father had been in therapy since his release from the hospital and had worked his tail off trying to get better. He could walk with a cane and some of his memory had returned, mostly with regard to his job. He would be able to return to his job if he had a way of getting there. That wouldn’t be a problem, I would see to that.
Before Dad returned home Mom had the house brought up to handicap standards. Ramps for a wheelchair and doors wide enough for the chair to get through, handles in the bathroom and all the rest were built. The money spent and used to drive him to work was much less than the huge amounts spent in the home where Dad had been living. Dad was just glad to be home with his wife and princess.
The holiday season was quiet around our house. Dad was happy being home and being able to spend everyday with his daughter. Mom loved doting on her husband but it had only been two weeks that he had been home and I’m sure she’ll tire of it, but it didn’t seem it would happen soon.
Dad returned to work at the end of January. I had been helping him to walk every day and he had improved a little each day. He had a long way to go, but he was getting there.
I flew to Loa Angeles the second week of February for another photo shoot. I had grown to five foot eight and I was starting to get some curves of my own. I wondered if getting those curve would make me feel even better about being Amanda. I think it has. Being perfectly honest with myself, I missed being Mark, but now I was feeling better about myself. I felt as though my mind was beginning to match my body, if that makes any sense. What I’m trying to say is that I felt like a fraud before I started hormones, but as my body changed so did what I thought of myself. I was really becoming Amanda Flowers and when I looked at my reflection in a mirror it confirmed what I now felt, I was really a girl.
My career had blossomed with my body. I was making more money that I thought possible, but that would pale with the next big step in my life. I was asked to audition for a movie contract.
I flew to Los Angeles with Mrs. Meyer because Mom had to stay with Dad. As usual we stayed at the Bonaventure in a suite provided by the film studio. The gaggle of paparazzi was waiting when we arrived. I don’t know how they knew, unless they camp in front of the hotel. They asked the same questions as the last time I saw them, except they wanted to know if I was dating someone new. My only thought was why don’t you get a life?
The next day we were driven to a film studio and I was given three scripts to memorize and then act for a camera. It took over twelve hours before they were done.
The director said I did a good job and they would let me know if they would call me for any up coming roles, in other words don’t call us, we’ll call you.
“You really did do a wonderful job, Amanda. My only concern is that you’ve grown so tall lately that there aren’t many actors you will be able to star with.”
“I thought most of the male actors were tall?”
“Goodness no. Most are short and with heels you would tower over them.”
“Well at least I’m tall enough to do runway modeling now.”
“Yes you are, which reminds me, it’s Spring week in New York next month and you’ve been asked to model one of the top lines of clothes.”
“Really”
“Yep, really. I’d better let your mom know so it won’t be too much of a shock.”
Mrs. Meyer let Mom know the dates of the New York shows and she was able to hire a nurse to stay with Dad for the two weeks I would be gone. Yep, I would be modeling more than one line of clothing.
The shows in New York were exciting and my developing figure made the clothes fit that much better. I was growing to really like modeling and I found I liked being Amanda more each day. I have become very comfortable being a girl. Thoughts of Mark hadn’t crossed my mind in weeks.
I thought the paparazzi were only interested in me only out West, but I was wrong. Mom and I couldn’t go anywhere without at least five or more photographers following our every move. The constant flashes and attention couldn’t help but draw my fans like moths to a flame. I vowed to never turn anyone down that asked for an autograph, so it was a rare day that I didn’t have cramps in my fingers. I had my tutor, thank God, or I’d miss school to the point I would have to give up my dream of attending Stanford. My grade point average has been a 4.0 since attending the private school in Auburn. My councelor recommended that I go out for a sport and volunteer to help at a charity to raise my grade point average above where it is now. I wondered how I was going to fit all of it in with my job. All I can do is try.
There weren’t many Spring sports available so I signed up for track. I’ve always been a good runner so it was a fit for me.
Track practice started and I found how out of shape I had become. Being a model and being an athlete are two different things. When I was Mark I was a very fast runner, but as I’ve grown I seem to have lost some of my speed. I wonder if it was because I hadn’t been running for several years, or my new body might be the reason. Maybe after training for a while I’ll be able to tell.
We heard back from the film studio and they were impressed with my audition and said they would try to find an actor tall enough to work with me.
I trained for track and only missed one day while I had a photo shoot. Thankfully our school makes provisions for students such as me that have other interests that interfere with the school schedule. Coach decided to have me run the 800 meters because he found I have very good stamina and am fast enough to have a good kick at the end of the race. Being on the team has gained me new friends and I like the comraderie. Luckily the paparazzi haven’t found me, or my school, yet. Traveling to Auburn isn’t in their schedule as the next closest person of interest would be in San Francisco. I might be America’s newest sweetheart, but not enough to justify wasting a day traveling to watch me run a race at a track meet, thank God.
Now getting back to me, the girl me. I no longer have to wear my fillets. My breasts have developed enough that they show with my bra. I have hips, but I feel like I’m getting fat. Mom says I look very nice, but maybe not having hips for so long makes me think any development is huge. I’ve also grown to five foot nine. I hope I stop growing soon since I’m now tall enough for runway. I guess you could say I have a models shape and the start of an athletic figure.
I look at myself in the mirror and feel very pleased with my decision to start my puberty. I feel more like a real girl everyday. Just when I’m really pleased with myself I look in the mirror and ask myself if I’m doing the right thing? Do I really want to be the beautiful girl in the mirror or am I fooling myself into trying to forget Mark? I miss the carefree attitude I once had as a boy. I didn’t have to worry that if I hurt myself I might ruin a promising career. I wonder if I would have begun to fill out with muscle as male hormones filled my body? Would I have liked girls as more than just friends? I might never know. Don’t get me wrong, I know I made the right decision; it’s just that I wonder what might have been?
Dad seems to be getting stronger every day. I love the interaction with him. Dad loves me very much and is so proud of his little girl, even though I’m almost as tall as him. I guess the good part of going to school in Auburn is that Mom can drive both Dad and me to work and school without making a special trip. That might end soon as Dad is looking into hand controls for the car and if he can manage it, will soon be driving himself to work.
Cindy and I are as close as ever. We talk daily about our feelings and of course boys. Cindy has a boyfriend and he’s all she ever talks about, Lonnie this and Lonnie that, it’s so cute. Kurt and I still see each other at lunch and even though we can’t date, it feels like were boyfriend and girlfriend. The longer I’ve been on hormones, the more at ease I feel with having a boyfriend. I no longer feel as though I’m involved in a homosexual experience but in a real boy, girl relationship.
Kurt has mentioned the Prom is coming up soon and has asked me to go with him. This only proved that we have become more than lunch buddies and we have a real relationship. As much as I hate to admit it, I think I’ve fallen in love. If I have, Mom’s going to be so angry with me, I just know. I don’t know how Dad will feel about me seeing Kurt even if it’s just for the dance, but I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.
“Mom, Kurt asked me to the Prom. Can I go?”
Unlike the first dance I went to, Mom didn’t freak out like I thought she would.
“Kurt again? Are you two seeing each other?”
“Mom, the only time I see him is at school, it’s just that we’re really good friends.”
“Well, he behaved himself the last time he took you to a dance, so I guess it will be okay. I think we should ask your father too, now that he’s home.”
“Ask me what?” Dad asked, from the living room.
“A boy has asked Amanda to go to the prom with him and wants to know if we’ll let her go?”
“I don’t mind, as long as I meet him first.”
“That shouldn’t be a problem, Dad. I’ll ask him to come by and meet you. He’s already met Mom.”
“When was that?”
“Last year when he took me to the Homecoming dance.”
“He’s a very nice young man, Lance.”
“I’d still like to meet him. Amanda, would you help me with my exercises?”
“Yes Dad, you know I always do.”
I gave Kurt the good news as soon as I saw him in the morning. I should mention he waits for me to arrive at school and we walk hand in hand whenever we’re together.
“I asked my parents if I could go to the Prom with you, and they said yes,” I said, excitedly.
“Thank God, I didn’t want to have to ask anyone else.”
“Who would you have asked?” I asked, jealously.
“I hadn’t even thought about it. You’re the only one I wanted as a date.”
I squeezed his hand.
“Kurt, I have to ask you something. Why don’t you date any other girl beside me? You know my mother won’t let me go on a regular date, so why me?”
“Because I really like you and because we can’t date like other kids, my grades don’t suffer. Going to a good college is the most important thing right now, and as much as I like you, not being able to date you makes it that much easier to study. I won’t deny wanting to take you out like any other couple, but it’s probably for the best that we don’t.”
“Maybe when I’m sixteen?” I giggled.
“Sure thing, I’ll fly home on the weekends from school, yep my parents will be more than happy to pay for those college expenses.”
“I know, I’m being selfish, but I do have feelings for you.”
“And I for you. Why do you think I walk with you everyday? Someday you and I will be able to spend the time we want together and don’t forget, you want to attend Stanford when you graduate and dating me wouldn’t be the best thing for you either.”
I was so lucky to have Kurt for my friend. He really knew how to make me feel special.
The Prom was a month away so I had time to do what girls usually do, look for a dress. Mom took Cindy and me to Sacramento to find the perfect go to prom gown, but we didn’t find anything I liked. We still had three weeks to go, so there would be time.
Two weeks before the prom I had a very busy week in Los Angeles. There was another shoot for Lush and three clothing lines. I found as I grew in height, doors opened for me to model clothes. The more I modeled, the more my popularity grew and it seemed my fans couldn’t get enough of their newest sweetheart. Fortunately for me, that meant more work, but it also meant more intrusion into my life by paparazzi. I had been fortunate enough to only have them bother me when I went on assignment and they pretty much left me alone when I was at home. That changed when I opened my big mouth at one of my clothing shoots.
“I love this outfit,” I mentioned to one of the girls helping me change between pictures.
“It is cute and if you like it, I’m sure the manufacturer will let you keep it.”
“You really think so?”
“They usually let the girls keep a few of the clothes they model as a thank you.”
“I wish I was modeling prom dresses. I’m going to my first prom in two weeks and I can’t find anything to wear.”
“Are you serious, I would think Amanda Flowers would have her choice of outfits.”
“Not really, Mom and I went shopping and I couldn’t find anything to wear.”
“You went shopping for a gown?”
“Yes, I’ve grown out of everything I own.”
“I think maybe I can help. I’ll call you next week.”
We flew back to Sacramento and an hour later we were home.
“Did my girls have a nice time?” Dad asked, when we walked through the door.
When Mom and I went for a shoot, Dad was left to fend for himself with a little help from Mrs. Meyers. She would make sure he had something to nuke when he returned from work. As I mentioned, Dad has become much stronger and has gained more movement in his legs and hopefully he’ll be able to walk without his canes. One thing that has helped was the purchase of a new car for Dad, a Prius with hand controls. Dad is now free to drive himself to work. Having this freedom has meant wonders as far as his mental health is concerned. There were times when he had a shadow hanging over his head because he was trapped at home. Now it was as though the sun had come out from behind a cloud. As he gained his freedom it seems his memory has slowly been returning. I wonder if he’ll ever remember Mark and what I’ll do when he does?
My father and I have become very close since his accident, and I have truly become his little girl, even though I’m almost as tall as he is now. There aren’t words enough to say how much I love him, and there’s no way for him to hide his feelings for me. I’m truly blessed to have this man in my life, as Mark and now as Amanda. I’m grateful everyday I spend with my father and the special relationship we have as father and daughter. I only hope it won’t be destroyed if he ever does remember his son.
“I can’t say it was a nice time, dear, it was more like work. It was fun when it started, but I’m getting tired of all the travel.”
“And did my girl wow them as usual?” Dad kidded.
“Dad, you know its just work and I’m no different than any other model.”
“Honey, your much different than any other model, you’re special.”
“Dad, I’m not.”
“But you are, but I guess I’m prejudiced. I don’t know what I’d do without my princess.”
“Daaad,” I said, giving my father a hug.
I had forgotten my conversation with Linda, the girl who helped me during the shoot. She called Monday afternoon. My cell phone rang and I didn’t recognize the number.
“Hello.”
“Amanda, hi, it’s Linda,” she said, when I answered my cell.
“Oh, hi, Linda, what’s up?”
“Girl, I have news for you. I asked around to see if I could get a dress for you, and guess what?”
“What?”
“I found three designers that want you to wear their dress.”
“Three?”
“Yes, and it won’t cost you a cent.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re Amanda Flowers. You don’t think those movie ladies pay for anything they wear, do you?”
“I don’t know?”
“Well, they don’t, and the designers are going to get a hold of your agent. It will be up to you to decide which dress to wear. Girl, you’re going to knock them dead.”
My head was spinning. All I wanted was a dress from a store. Now I wondered what kind of can of worms I had opened? I found out the next day when Mom and I went to the grocery store.
As we stood in line to pay for our groceries I could help looking at the gossip newspapers lining the cash line. When I saw the headline I almost fainted.
“AMANDA’S FIRST PROM. WHO’S THE LUCKY GUY?”
“Mom, look,” I said, pointing to the publication.
“Oh my God.”
Mom grabbed the issue and the others with the same type of headline. No one said a word or looked at me any differently than when we walked into the store. I, of course, wasn’t wearing any makeup, so maybe no one realized the girl in the photo was me.
When we arrived home, the first thing we did was read the articles. The big question was who my date was and if I was in some sort of relationship. Next was what I was going to wear? Who’s design was good enough for Amanda Flowers? God I felt like crawling under a rock. It didn’t take long for my best friend to call.
“Amanda, did you see?”
“Yes, and I’m so embarrassed.”
“Why? Mom says this is the best thing for your career.”
“But Cindy, it’s no ones business who I go to the prom with. Kurt and I are just friends.”
“You keep saying that, but if he didn’t like you, he’d have asked someone else, and I know you have feelings for him. Face it Amanda, you have a boyfriend.”
Cindy was right, I did have feelings for Kurt and I knew there was nothing we could do to pursue those feelings because I was still a fourteen-year-old girl and even more importantly I was still a boy.
“I don’t Cindy.”
“Okay, if you say so. Have you decided on what you’re going to wear yet?”
“I haven’t seen the dresses yet.”
“I hope they don’t wait too long. You have to have your hair done and makeup. Do you know where your gong to have it done?”
“No. I haven’t even thought of that part of it.”
“Well you’d better, because I’m sure most of the salons will be booked up by now.”
“God Cindy, I didn’t know this would be such a hassle.”
“Girl, it’s not a hassle, it’s fun. I wish I was going with you.”
“You would be if you went to my school.”
“Yeah, right.”
“You’re beautiful and you know it, I have to run, love you.”
Thursday Mrs. Meyer called to let me know Hollywood Models had arraigned for three choices of clothing for me to wear. All were highly visible designer labels and my decision would add many sales to their line. I hadn’t modeled for any of them, so it didn’t make any difference whom I picked, but I would probably start modeling their line after my decision. I was also told that because of the high visability of my choice, all my accessories would be provided, as would my hairstyle and makeup. This no longer felt like a date but more like a job. I was now becoming more aware of the viability of my popularity. Amanda Flowers was becoming a thing rather than a person, and I’m not sure if I liked what I was becoming.
Monday the three dresses were delivered along with shoes and accessories. Each dress was a different color and the shoes were dyed to match. The dresses were the most beautiful I had ever seen and was warned not to do any harm to them trying them on, as the least expensive was over five thousand dollars.
I tried them all and the decision was very difficult to make. One dress was for someone much more endowed than me so as much as I liked it, it wouldn’t work. The other two were perfect and it would be a choice Mom would make rather than me.
“Amanda, that dress is much too short for you to wear.”
“But Mom, it’s so pretty.”
“And sexy I might add. There’s no way my daughter is going to wear a dress like that, especially at fourteen.”
The dress in question was made of lace with nude satin covering places that shouldn’t be seen, but was revealing enough to make it look as though I was wearing sexy lingerie. With the heels I would be a walking wet dream.
The last dress wasn’t see through, but it was sexy. It was metallic gold satin with fabric wide enough to cover my breasts but not much more that went from my waist up over my shoulders and back down to my waist in back. There was a thin strap going across my shoulder blades meant to keep the fabric from falling off my shoulders and exposing things that weren’t supposed to be exposed. The best way to describe the dress would be a wide strap, skin, wide strap, exposed side, strap, skin, strap, exposed side and back to the original strap, as I mentioned, very sexy. From the waist down it was sleek and smooth stopping at a bias cut from just above mid thigh on the right to just below mid thigh on the left. To say I exposed more of my leg than I was used to would be an understatement and if it weren’t for the free dress, Mom would have never let me buy such a beautiful item. The Giuseppe Zanotti sandals that were coordinated with the dress would make me almost as tall as Kurt. I had never worn anything so high on my feet, and loved the way I looked. Mom just shook her head.
The weekly rags came out and the stories were the same, who was Amanda Flowers date? Was she going with Jason Steele? Stupid people, I was invited, not Jason Steele. I could tell Kurt was becoming uncomfortable with the attention I was the center of, but he didn’t say anything to me about it.
We learned Wednesday that Teen was going to do an article about my first prom and there would be a photographer with me the whole day before the prom. This was getting so out of hand that I almost wished I hadn’t accepted the date. Another surprise was that Hollywood Models was going to supply a limo for the evening. Kurt had mentioned that he and Melisa’s date were going to use Kellon’s parent’s car. It was a Cadillac Escalade and it was only a few years old. Kellon is Melisa’s new boyfriend by the way.
Some days I ride to school with Dad and other with Melisa. The days I don’t model are the days with Melisa, since she’s on the softball team and our practices end about the same time. We arrived at school and Kurt was waiting with his usual smile.
“Hi Amanda.”
Hi Kurt. Guess what? My modeling agency wants us to ride to the dance and back in a limo, and they’re paying for it.”
“Swear to God?”
“Yep, it’s a done deal.”
“Way cool, did you tell Melisa?”
“Yes, on the way to school. There are a couple of other things though, kind of like strings attached to the offer. We’re going to have a photographer following us all night, even at the dance. Teen is going to do an article about me going to my first prom so you will be in it because I’m your date.”
“It sounds like fun to me.”
“Maybe to you, but its too much like work for me. Wait until you see my dress, remember, hands off,” I giggled.
Thursday I brought paper work for Kurt to sign for his part in the photo shoot, as did Melisa and Kellon. They were going to pay them four hundred dollars for their troubles. They definitely liked that.
Saturday, the day of the prom arrived, photographers and makeup people invaded our home. What I thought would be a fun day getting ready for my date turned into a drudge of work. I bathed, shaved and then the work began. My hair had to be cut and styled, my nails done, before the hard work started. It was makeup on, makeup off. My dress was hung nearby so my makeup would compliment rather than clash when it was finished. It took most of the day for it to be done. Let me explain. Every step was photographed, my eye, skin, and lips. The makeup person would put one thing on and then there would be pictures taken. Each step I was asked to pretend that I was putting on the makeup so when the girls bought the magazine they would think they could have the same results as Amanda Flowers. It might have been deceptive, but it sold magazines and it proved Amanda Flowers was just like them.
My makeup being finished I was able to dress. The dress was carefully lowered over my head and heels placed on my feet. The dress fit my new curves perfectly and the lack of breast development actually looked sexy. Brenda, one of the women from Teen added discreet double side tape to keep the top straps from exposing my tiny breasts. I looked at the finished product in the full height mirror and was shocked. I looked as though I was eighteen years old and would be stopping traffic wherever I went. I was gorgeous and saw where this dress was going to sell, if you could afford it. I imagine the knock offs would be on the market in days.
The way our date was choreographed, Kurt was to arrive at six to take us to dinner with Melisa and Kellon. The Limo driver picked them up first so the princess, me, could be attended to by her subjects in waiting. It was such a sham. I have to admit, Kurt was a good sport about all this.
Before Kurt arrived I was primped and photographed just like any other modeling session. I must have done a hundred poses turning and smiling for the camera. When Kurt arrived he was put through the same drill, except it was an exciting exercise for him. The first always is. Thankfully the photographer didn’t ride in the limo with us. It was the first private moment I had all day.
“Your beautiful,” Kurt said, putting his arm around my shoulder.
“Thanks, you look pretty good yourself,” I replied, which he did.
I snuggled into his shoulder, being careful not to mess my makeup and leave a stain on his tuxedo jacket.
Kurt’s arm felt good and his hand on the bare skin of my shoulder was doing things to me I didn’t think possible. My stomach was a jumble of butterflies gathering for their mating season.
“God Amanda, I love your dress,” Melisa said. “I wish I had one like that.”
“You can if you have a spare eight thousand dollars sitting around,” I laughed.
“My God, that’s as much as a car, a used one anyway,” Kellon exclaimed.
“I got it for free, it’s just that I’ll be photographed all night.”
“Hey, if being photographed would get me a car, go for it,” he laughed.
The prom was held at a hotel in Sacramento, so we settled back and chatted for the hour drive from my house to the hotel. We ate dinner in the hotel restaurant so we wouldn’t have to drive more than we had to.
Kurt and I made quite a couple. Being six four, Kurt had grown an inch over the last six months, and me in my five-inch heels stood six three, impressed more than a few people. We felt like we were arriving at the Oscars with the attention we garnered. Unfortunately the photographer froze our every move. Kurt was the consummate gentle man, guiding me with a light touch on my back, his fingers lingering longer than I thought necessary, but I liked it just the same. This dress was going to make seduction easy, at least for Kurt if I wasn’t careful. Seduction on my part took place the first moment Kurt saw me in this dress and I hated being fourteen at the moment.
The school allowed the photographer to go only as far as the door to the ballroom. The private school I attend has many, shall we say kids that don’t want to be seen, because of kidnap possibilities and the best insurance against that, is not knowing who the person is. I was thankful because I was just tired of having my picture taken, This was supposed to be a date with a boy I had real feelings for and nothing dampens a budding romance faster that someone flashing a camera at every move you make. Unfortunately I knew the cameras would be waiting when we finished with the prom.
Kurt and I were judged to be the most attractive couple at the dance, but I disqualified myself because I’m only a freshman and I had way more professional help getting ready than any other girl in attendance. Being attractive is my job and being the recipient of an eight thousand dollar dress more than made up for the trophy.
Cecilia Jefferson and her partner Wendell Kramer won the prize. I’m glad because Cecilia is on the track team with me and she’s really pretty. She reminds me of Beyonce and she’s has a scholarship to either MIT or CIT and has to decide which school to attend. Even though I’m a freshman and she’s a senior, we’ve become quite close for teammates. I asked her why she chose those schools and she answered that she wanted to break a stereotype, that as a black woman she was stupid, and she loved math and believe it or not wanted to become a rocket scientist. She missed being Valedictorian by half of a percentage point. My date had beaten her out for the honor. Kurt was special.
We had talked about my wish to attend Stanford and she told me if I worked my butt off I would make it. I wouldn’t let her down.
Because of Kurt’s popularity he danced with more than a few senior girls at the prom, but I didn’t feel left out as a lot of guys wanted to dance with Amanda Flowers, who wouldn’t? Unfortunately the dance was over much too quickly and it was time to return home. I would be dropped off first because of my age. Leaving the ballroom was much different than when we arrived. Word had gotten out that Amanda Flowers was at the prom, so instead of one photographer there were twenty. In addition there must have been at least a hundred fans waiting for autographs. Poor Kurt, as he had to put up with my duty to sign everything thrust in my direction. It took a half of an hour before we made it to the limo.
The ride home was quiet and I couldn’t help but snuggle into Kurt’s shoulder. Because of the attention I had to ask him not to kiss me goodnight when he dropped me off, but I would kiss his cheek. It was very choreographed, but I’m jumping ahead of myself. I might be a bit of a petulant child, but I did want a goodnight kiss from Kurt and rather than wait for him to make an awkward gesture, I just asked for one.
“Kurt, we can’t kiss when you drop me off, but I really do want to kiss you goodnight, so would you do it now?”
Kurt’s smile would have lit up half of California if it could have been bottled.
He turned his head toward mine, lifted my chin gently, and softly touched his lips to mine. This wasn’t the first kiss Kurt had given me, the first being at the Homecoming dance, but this was different.
I thought back to my first kiss and remembered my reaction to it. I was excited and acted like a girl with her first kiss. I wanted hug myself and felt this was the most wonderful moment of my life, being accepted as a girl, a girl kissed by a boy. It was just like the movies. In fact it was like the movies and I acted the way a young girl should have acted, but now I realized it was just an act to please myself. There really wasn’t any feeling involved with the kiss. Now I felt something different, my body felt excited and peaceful in the same moment. My brain wasn’t saying I was being kissed by a boy and thought how romantic, no, what I felt was a yearning to be with this person for the rest of my life. As I was to learn later in life was that I was falling in love as a woman with a man and I never felt more special.
Kurt and I kissed many more times as we rode home, but then again, so did Melisa and Kellon. I couldn’t help noticing how different I felt with the help of the hormones I was taking. I honestly felt like a real girl every time our lips touched.
The limo dropped me off and Kurt walked me to the door. I kissed his cheek for the photographers and said goodnight. All in all it was a wonderful evening.
I should mention Kurt had met my father on the Thursday he signed the papers for Hollywood. Dad really liked him, who wouldn’t? Kurt was going to Harvard in the fall and would probably play football for them. After the Dad, boyfriend session which every boy must endure sometime in his life I felt more at ease dating Kurt. Whether or not my parents would let me date him again, only time would tell.
Lashes Chapter 16
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Chapter 16
Teen came out a month later and even I was excited to read about Amanda Flowers first prom. The article was well written and I could relive every moment in the story, the excitement waiting for my date, spending the time dressing and doing my makeup by myself, its so easy with Lush, yeah, right, the arrival of my carriage, the limo, and the entrance of my date. It was all very exciting for impressionable young girls. You would have thought I was going to lose my virginity as tension built to the innocent kiss on the cheek.
I almost laughed when I saw the pictures of me getting ready. You’d have thought I slaved all day making myself pretty. The intensity of my expression as I faked putting on my makeup had me in tears as it did, Cindy, who had brought the magazine with her. She was in tears laughing as I described what really took place all day Saturday, and how it looked in the magazine.
School ended several weeks later, which only increased my work schedule. I was becoming the hottest model wanted for photos and being associated with a product or clothing line. My prom dress was evidence of that as more than five knock offs invaded the market selling several hundred thousand copies. The unfortunate thing was that they called it the Amanda dress. The designer was starting lawsuits against any one calling it the Amanda. Copyrights are what they are.
I was spending more time flying from Sacramento than actually being engaged in actual work, and Mom has turned down several jobs because I wasn’t available. I think the hardest thing for me is not spending time with Cindy and since school ended, Kurt. He asked me out for dinner and I ran it by Mom and Dad.
It was the beginning of July and Kurt would be going away to make arrangements for housing and classes at Harvard in a week’s time, He called and asked me to dinner before he left. He mentioned that he missed me terribly since school had ended as we spent time every day together. I guess the old saying goes, first a friend and then a lover. I knew we couldn’t get too involved, but we had, slowly sliding toward that oh so dangerous place, love.
I know I’m only fourteen, but Kurt had gained a place in my heart and I didn’t know what to do about it? He’s much too mature for a girl like me, but I couldn’t help myself, I had fallen in love even though I didn’t really know what love was. We would meet everyday at school and he would walk me to classes. ‘You’re the most mature girl I’ve ever met’, he would say. I’d giggle and slap his arm and deny his compliment, but just the same I loved that he said what he did. There was never any pressure to kiss or do things that weren’t appropriate with a girl my age and as time passed, I knew Kurt was special. Sure, we’d hold hands or hug each other, but that wall was there to stifle any other thoughts running amok through our hormone charged brains. He respected me and he respected my parents and I loved him more because of it. I was just another girl, well kind of a famous girl, but one he wanted to be with and that was all. It was the conversation with my parents that changed everything I thought about what my life had become.
“Mom, Dad, I want to ask you something,” I said, just before sitting down for dinner.
“And what ever could my princess ever want?” Dad asked.
“Kurt’s going away to school and would like to take me out to dinner. Could I go?”
“Honey, you’re only fourteen, and I told you no dates,” Mom replied.
“But Mom, I’ll be fifteen next month and it’s not like we’re going to do this everyday. I want to see him one more time.”
“Rachael, Kurt’s a nice young man and I don’t see any reason why Amanda couldn’t go to dinner with him. I could think of worse things,” Dad said.
“Lance, you know why. Amanda’s just too young.”
“Mom, it’s only for dinner, please?” I pleaded.
“I don’t know, I don’t feel comfortable about it.”
“Mom, Kurt’s a nice guy.”
“I’m sure he is, it’s just that there are things about you that are special.”
“Like what?”
“Like you’re a world famous model for starters.”
“That’s no reason why I shouldn’t be able to go to dinner with someone very special to me.”
“Does he know about, Mark?” my father asked.
The room grew silent. You know the kind, where every sound disappears? I had been facing my mother, but when Dad said what he did, I almost got whiplash from my reaction.
“What did you say?” I asked.
“Does he know about, Mark?”
“Never mind about Kurt, how do you know about, Mark?” my mother asked.
“I’ve known about Mark for months,” Dad replied.
“But how?”
“My memory has been coming back and several months ago, I remembered Mark.”
“But why didn’t you say something?” Mom asked.
“Because I love having a daughter, and if I said something, I was afraid I’d lose her.”
My father loved me, the girl me. I went to him and put my arms around him and said, “I love you too, Dad.”
My mother wasn’t so accepting of this show of love for a father and his daughter.
“Do you know you’re the reason why Mark isn’t around anymore?”
Holy shit, what brought that on? I thought Mom liked me, the Amanda me.
“What are you talking about?” Dad asked.
“What I’m talking about is when you woke for the first time you asked where your daughter was. You had forgotten you had a son, but remembered your daughter.”
“And I still remember her,” Dad said, with a wink.
Dad was trying to make light of what he said, but Mom was having none of it.
“Do you? If we hadn’t stayed out so late you wouldn’t have fallen asleep on the way to work and none of this would have happened.”
“But Amanda was a model before the accident. She was who I remembered.”
“And Mark was still around.”
“Well I wasn’t the one to put mascara on his eyelashes,” Dad spit out.
“It was only for fun, not to change his sex, and you know it,” Mom said in retort.
“Stop!” I shrieked.
Mom and Dad looked at me as if I had lost my mind.
“Please, don’t do this,” I said, softly. “Mom, Dad, I like being a girl. There’s nothing wrong with it. If I had my druthers, sure I wish none of this had ever happened. I loved being a boy, but I love being a girl more. I love having a father that loves me as I am, his little girl, and I love having a mother that wants to protect her child, whether I’m a boy or girl, but Mom, you have to accept that your pretty, pretty, boy isn’t coming back. You have a daughter now and I hope you can finally accept that. We’ve done everything together since Dad’s accident and you’ve helped make me who I am now. I could never become a boy again, and I wouldn’t want to. Dad can take me fishing when he’s able, and I can still read the stream. Being a girl hasn’t changed that. I love you both, but please let me be who I’ve become.”
Mom had tears running from her eyes and Dad held me tighter.
“I love you sweetie,” Mom said.
“And I love you too”, Dad said. “That doesn’t resolve the question, does Kurt know about Mark?”
“Dad. You know he doesn’t.”
“And what do you propose to do about it?”
“Dad, Kurt is going off to college on the east coast and there is no reason for him to know. It’s just a dinner date, nothing more.”
“As much as I hate to do it, I’ll let you go, but no hanky panky,” Dad laughed.
“Dad, you are so yesterday,” I giggled.
What Dad had admitted shook me to the core. I love being Amanda having been her for more than a year. I no longer considered myself a boy, but the girl I had become. The thing that bothered me though, would I have started my puberty as a girl if I had known Dad knew about Mark. Would I have been so eager to have girlish curves or would I have gone back to being Mark part time? I guess that’s a question that will never be answered and as much as I love being my father’s little girl, I felt deceived. As much as I tried not to notice there was just a flicker of anger at him for not being absolutely honest with Mom and me. Maybe I would have started my puberty anyway, but it would have been nice to know what he knew.
I called Kurt and informed him of my parent’s decision to let me go to dinner with him. To say he was happy would be an understatement.
Kurt took me to a nice restaurant in Auburn, downtown. It wasn’t expensive, nor was it gourmet cuisine, but it was special because this was our first official date. I don’t count the dances, because they were kind of arraigned. This was quiet and romantic and I don’t think we ever stopped holding hands, except to eat. I wondered what Kurt had seen in me to want to date someone so much younger than himself?
“You’re not like other girls I’ve dated. You’re fun to talk to and to be honest wanting to date you was the best thing that could have happened to me. If I was able to take you out all the time, my schoolwork would have suffered. But since you couldn’t date I spent my time studying instead of hanging with my girlfriend. The more time we spent together at school the more I was falling for you. You’re a very special girl Amanda, and I’ll never forget you.”
As hard as I tried I couldn’t control the tears from running down my cheeks. I was truly falling in love.
Kurt had me home by eleven; the time Dad gave me for a curfew. Our last kiss was something I will put into the deepest part of my heart, and made me glad I was becoming a woman.
I was spending way too much time flying to Los Angeles for modeling sessions. Mom was thinking of renting an apartment so we wouldn’t have to fly home so often. Dad said he was okay with that, since he’s able to take care of himself. Dad has taken his recovery very seriously and is able to walk with the aid of his canes and almost as fast as I do. He still uses the hand controls in his car and you would hardly know he had been in the accident if it weren’t for the canes. We nixed the idea though because I would miss too much school and my tutor was for extended modeling sessions, not so I wouldn’t be inconvenienced.
I celebrated my fifteenth birthday with a small party at home. Cindy and her mother came to eat some cake. I was admonished not to eat too much because I had a figure to watch. Speaking of figures, my puberty seems to have accelerated in the last three months. I definitely have curves now, and even my breasts are noticeable. Tucking hasn’t been a problem and I have to admit I look very nice in a bikini.
I flew to New York for two shows and was paid an obscene amount of money for my appearance. There was something special walking the runway in the big apple and would be spending more time there than in Hollywood. If it wasn’t for the money, I would have refused, since I had already paid off my father’s medical bills and saved enough for seven years at Stanford. The best part of being in New York City was that Kurt was able to visit me on one of my assignments, but Mom wouldn’t allow us to go on an actual date. He took me to lunch, but Mom tagged along with us. I guess I’m still too young to date, alone.
School started and Mom put her foot down and said no more modeling that took more than two days away from school. We had to turn down several shows back east, but I’m kind of happy she did. I was getting burned out and wanted to spend time with Cindy and my friends at school.
Soccer season began and I made the team. Because of my height, I was goalkeeper. I would have rather played midfield, but coach asked if I would please use my height to an advantage. I said yes, so I became keeper.
When I played soccer when I was Mark, keeper was for the least athletic kid on the team, because they couldn’t run. Now at the high school level, being keeper was a whole different game. I had to be fast and have lightning reflexes to keep up with the game. I think it might be the hardest position on the team. As I became familiar with the position I ended up on the second all league team and I’m only a sophomore. I really enjoy doing something other than modeling. There are a number of girls at my school who ask if I’m having fun modeling, and tell me they wish they could be so lucky. I explain to them it’s not all it’s cracked up to be and it’s a lot more work than it is glamour. Of course they look at me as if I was nuts.
Speaking of soccer, I made a fantastic save one game, laying out horizontally to the field and punching the ball away for a save. Much to my chagrin someone had taken a picture of me doing it. Somehow the picture made its way to one of the gossip rags and the front page with the headline, AMANDA FLOWERS ALL AMERICAN SWEETHEART. Amanda Flowers, playing soccer for her school giving up her body for a save, not only is she a model, but an athlete too. Amanda in a game giving up her million-dollar body to save a score, what’s not to like about this girl?
Because of that photo, I was asked to model keeper gloves and shoes for a manufacturer. I thought they were joking but the amount paid told me differently. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to accept payment for my endorsement, so I donated the funds to the sport league my school is in. I’m just a high school girl playing soccer and yet because of my high visual personality, millions of girls wanted the same gloves and shoes as Amanda Flowers. Who cared if Amanda was just another player, she was Amanda.
Several designers wanted me to fly to New York and showcase their lines but Mom said no. Los Angeles was as far as we would go until the fashion week in Paris. That wouldn’t be until spring.
I’m still a straight A student and am aiming for a scholarship at Stanford. I know it’s still early, but I don’t want any mistakes that could cost me my dream.
I want to become a surgeon and know that means at least seven years of school. Even though I have enough money, I’d still like the feeling that I was good enough for a scholarship. Stanford is an incredibly expensive school, but worth every penny. A diploma from Stanford is like money in the bank, it opens doors like you can’t believe.
I guess I should talk about boy problems. I’m still not allowed to date, unless I double with someone I know, like, Melisa. This is her last year in high school and she still drives me to school. Since Kurt went away to school I haven’t dated anyway so dating hasn’t been a problem. For some reason no one has asked me out and for some reason it bothers me not to have been asked out by someone. Melisa says the boys at our school are intimidated by me and are afraid to be rejected by Amanda Flowers if they were to ask. Crazy huh?
I’ve been asked to run for homecoming queen from the sophomore class, which I accepted. The tradition has always been that the queen comes from the senior class and this year was no exception. I was a princess in the court and was escorted to the dance by one of the boys on the football team. His name is Randy Cummins and is a really nice boy. Yes he was the first boy to build enough nerve to ask, and only because Melisa told him I didn’t have a date. Before I was allowed to go to the homecoming dance with him, he had to meet my parents. Both Mom and Dad liked him. He was very polite when he met my parents and Dad seemed to like him very much. To be perfectly honest, he didn’t light a fire like Kurt did, but I still enjoyed his company. He asked me out again, but I explained my parents wouldn’t let me date just yet.
My contract with Lush was finished and they wanted me to renew for another two years. Mrs. Meyer agreed to terms that made my original contract pale in comparison. I would be a very rich young lady when I graduated from high school.
Cindy and her mom came to our house for Thanksgiving. Her father was away as usual and her mother has just about had it with the man. There have been too many indications that he’s been cheating on her, but as long as she has her cut of my income, she’ll be fine, actually more than fine.
It’s been more than a year since I started my puberty and my height has finally leveled off at five-nine and a half. I now have the curves I wanted, but I’m still not happy with my development. What girl ever is? I want the curves to be more noticeable but even I have to admit I’m a very impatient young lady. My legs have developed to the point where I no longer dislike them as they’ve become nicely shaped. I think back to when I compared them to Cindy’s when my career first started and remember how ugly I thought they were. They were like two pipes running from my body, with a joint where the knee is. Now they flow just like my best friend’s does, very nice.
I mentioned Paris, but forgot to tell you about Milan fashion week. I have been asked to model four lines in Milan in addition to promoting Lush. Paris was going to be my first time out of the country. Not bad for a girl from Colfax.
The show would mean I would miss two weeks of school, so a tutor would be flown with my mother and me to the shows. I won’t drag this out except to say it is the busiest time I’ve ever had in my life. Modeling and fitting in a full curriculum of school was putting me on edge with Mom and my teacher. I was tired and bitchy after three days of nothing but work and school.
The fashion week in Paris was in January so Mom and I flew to Paris several days before the show. Because I was going to miss school, although I had my tutor I was given an assignment to do a report on what I saw while I was in Paris.
My tutor is a nice woman named Mrs. Wright and she’s a retired high school math teacher and does this for extra money. She says it pays way more than straight teaching and she gets to travel. She’s also a strict taskmaster so there wasn’t any dilly- dallying with regards to my report. The rest of my subjects were a given, I would spent four hours a day studying. I guess you could call my report a journal and I reported everything we did from museums to cafes. It was a wonderful time in my life.
I modeled four lines of clothing, one each day of the show. I met some wonderful girls during each show and apparently they knew who I was because of my exposure with Lush. More than one girl asked if I really played soccer and wasn’t I worried I could ruin my career if I was to get injured? I assured them modeling wasn’t going to be my vocation when I graduated college and surgery was. They all thought I was crazy but it was my choice.
We returned home the day after the show ended and luckily it was on a weekend so all I did was sleep for two days. I’m exaggerating, I talked to Cindy and Ginny about how cool Paris was and then I slept. By the time Monday rolled around I was back to being Amanda James again.
Milan Fashion Week was toward the end of February and that’s when things changed in my life.
Lashes Chapter 17
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That puberty, ahh, what can I say about what it’s done to me? When I voiced my dissatisfaction of not having curves, I knew that I had all but buried Mark in the farthest corner of my brain.
Chapter 17
Mom, Mrs. Wright, and I flew to Italy, leaving Friday morning from SFO and landed Saturday morning. We were met at the airport by a limo service and brought to the Park Hyatt hotel. We were given a suite to stay in for the week, compliments of Lush.
Some say luck is made and not coincidence, which I must say has been part of my life to this point. It was luck that brought Cindy to see my lashes and hard work on Mrs. Meyers’ part to gain me my modeling career, hence luck for her was earned, and luck for me was coincidence. It was bad luck for my father to have his accident and good luck that I was able to pay for his medical bills and the best care possible. It has been good luck no one has figured out who Amanda Flowers is and I always wonder how much longer the deception will last? I feel that it has been hard work for me to finally accept that I’ve really become the girl I present. I doubt the hormones I now take have anything to do with the way I feel about myself as a woman. If that were the case, I would have never started my puberty to female in the first place. I can say that I feel very comfortable with my choice to have started that puberty over a year ago.
That puberty, ahh, what can I say about what it’s done to me? When I voiced my dissatisfaction of not having curves, I knew that I had all but buried Mark in the farthest corner of my brain. As a young woman I hated my boyish body and knew I had to do something about changing my figure. Taking hormones was the easy answer. I didn’t want to be a girl with silicone implants in my butt and on my chest. I was a woman and I wanted to be real. The results were obvious. Being just into my teens there were no male characteristics to over come, so I’ve developed like any other teen girl, wide hips, a small waist, and growing breasts. It has been the other changes I didn’t expect.
I’m not one of those girls that cries at the drop of a hat, but I have to admit I’m much more emotional than I was two years ago. I know I mentioned how much differently a kiss affects me now. The first time I was kissed by Kurt, it felt wonderful and felt right, after all I was a girl, isn’t that the way girls were supposed to feel? As I think about it though, every feeling I had was just what someone else had felt before me and said or written about. I was reacting from my brain and not from my heart. There was no wanting more, except that was what I was supposed to feel, but didn’t really feel it at all. It was real life, but felt as though I was acting on a stage, kiss, get excited and wish for more because that was how I was supposed to feel. It was the kiss after I started hormones that told what I had failed to see before. They were changing me in ways that couldn’t be seen and no one had told me would happen. Yes the kiss was nice, more than nice, but what it did to me was beyond anything I had ever known. The feelings that came from within, not my brain, but my whole body, told me I was becoming a woman, and I would never want to become a boy again. That was the power of hormones, not the changing body, but the changing person.
Getting back to luck and the lack of it and whether luck is made or not. The limo had just picked Mom and me up to drive us to the exhibition hall for my first showing for a designer known all around the world. There had been an accident between a delivery van and a high-end car, blocking the street where we had to go. Traffic refused to move so we sat for ten minutes before Mom suggested we walk the remaining block to the venue. Because of the insulation and thick glass in the car we hadn’t noticed the noise outside the limo. There were sirens and horns honking, swearing and general mayhem in every direction. Mom explained to the driver we would walk so as not to be late for my assignment. The day was blustery and cold and I was glad I had decided to wear jeans and a sweater to keep warm. I would be wearing enough fine dresses in an hour so the need to look as feminine as possible was the farthest thing from my mind. I knew during that same hour I would have five inch heels on my feet too, so my Nike cross trainers fit the bill as far as I was concerned.
We walked about a half of a block before all Hell broke loose. A delivery van screeched to a halt going in the opposite direction of the traffic accident. The street, really a boulevard, had a traffic island splitting the road causing the traffic on each side to go in opposite directions. We would later find out the accident was staged just to create the chaos, taking place on the boulevard where we were walking. Mom and I stopped to watch as two men ran across the street toward us. Mom was pushed to the ground when they reached us and I was grabbed under my arms by each man and dragged toward the van. What the men hadn’t counted on was the police coming the wrong way in the opposite lane from the accident. The police officers saw the kidnapping attempt taking place in front of them. They pulled the police vehicle in front of the kidnappers van and exited the car, weapons drawn. One of the men let go of my arm, but the other pivoted behind me drawing a pistol and held it to my head. The conversation was in Italian, but I’ll translate it anyway.
“Stop,” one police officer yelled.
The kidnapper that had let go of me threw himself on the ground, not wanting anything else to do with the confrontation. He was giving up and wanted to live another day.
“You stop, or I’ll shoot her,” the man with the pistol yelled back at the police.
“Don’t make it any worse than it already is,” came the reply.
“Lower your weapons, or I swear to God, I’ll kill her.”
“Don’t be so sure,” a voice said, from behind the kidnapper.
I felt the arm around my neck loosen and the pistol lower from my head. Turning, I saw an undercover policeman holding a pistol to the kidnapper’s head.
“Hand me your weapon and get on the ground,” he ordered.
The man complied and both men and the van were surrounded by police officers. Mom came running to my side as my tears ran from my eyes. I’ve never been so afraid in my life. Tough as nails, Amanda James had been taken hostage and there was nothing I could have done. If luck hadn’t reared its beautiful head, who knows what would have happened to me?
Mom held me and kept repeating, “My baby, my baby.”
It took an hour for the police to take my statement. Being so close to the exhibition hall the show was held up until the excitement died down. I was able to take part, but the excitement I had felt for the show was gone. I was now a person that could be stolen and the reward would be great for my return.
Mom decided, and my agents agreed I would now need a bodyguard when I was traveling away from home. It sounded exciting, but it really did suck. The thought that I would be watched every moment from now forward was like having ice cold water thrown in your face. I feel as though I’m losing control of my life.
The bodyguard hired by the agency is a woman named Sofia Lorenz. Thank God they sent a woman, as I didn’t want some man watching every move I made.
Sofia is a real sweetheart and I wondered what a woman standing only five seven could do to protect me? She said she was well trained in self-defense and protecting me was her only priority even giving up her life if need be. I personally thought that was pretty dramatic, but I wasn’t going to argue. The next day I would learn she meant business and was not to be taken lightly.
We were walking to my second show when a tall man, maybe six three and very well built rushed toward me. He was a fan, but Sofia didn’t know, nor did I. In less than a second the poor guy was on his back with a pistol in his face.
“Don’t even twitch a muscle,” Sofia ordered.
“I only wanted an autograph,” came the reply.
“Then you should have asked politely,” Sofia responded.
“I meant no harm.”
By this time the police were surrounding Sophia, and the poor guy on the ground. Sofia pulled her weapon from his face and returned it to her holster. Rising to her feet, she looked at me and smiled. “Does this answer your concerns?”
I was blown away by how quickly Sofia had put the threat away. She was good, like lightning fast, good. I think I could get used to having her around.
Sofia was working for a protection service in the US, which explained her perfect English when she spoke. She had just finished with an assignment in Rome and was asked to protect me. She figured a few more days of work in Italy wouldn’t hurt her pocket book so she agreed to be my keeper till the end of the show. Sofia moved her luggage into my room and slept on a bed provided by the hotel for unexpected guests, read, rollaway.
After the incident with the man I talked to Sofia before we went to bed. I had to learn more about this woman who had so easily subdued a man much larger than her.
We had returned to our suite and Mom had ordered tea from room service, as was our custom before we went to sleep for the night. Sofia was sitting by the door to the suite, still in her working clothes. Because of the assignment, that meant a suit with a skirt because of the venue. The only compromise was wearing low-heeled pumps so as not to restrict her movements if needed.
“Sofia, come sit with us?” Mom asked.
“That’s okay, Mrs. James, no need for me to get too comfortable.”
“Nonsense, I think any threat will have a hard enough time getting by the front desk, let alone the hotel security. I know Amanda is dying to ask you where you learned to take out a man like that?”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, please,” I answered.
“I’ll change into something more comfortable and then I’ll tell you my history. Don’t let anyone in the room, not even room service until I return.”
“Okay.”
Sofia opened her suitcase and withdrew a pair of flannel pajamas. Useful and to the point, I liked her even more as she went into the bathroom to change.
Sofia’s pajamas were loose fitting, but not enough to hang loosely on her body. She moved silently toward the chair opposite Mom and I with the grace of a cat.
She lowered herself onto the chair, moving like a duchess and asked, “So what would you like to know about me?”
“Where did you learn to fight like that? Could you teach me?” I asked, excitedly. Obviously some of part of Mark was showing as I asked the question.
“Are you serious, a pretty girl like you wanting to know how to fight?”
“I kind of know how already. I fought the school bully when I started my new school and haven’t been bothered since,” I laughed.
“You did? You’re much to pretty to be doing something like that. You could injure yourself.”
“That’s what my Dad said after I started modeling. I came home with a cut lip and he told me I could ruin my career before it started. I kicked the bully’s ass though. I learned a long time ago if I stood up to a bully they wouldn’t bother me. My dad and I used to box all the time before I started modeling. It was fun and it taught me how to take care of myself.”
“Good for you,” she laughed, “ now let me tell you a little about myself. I was born in Wisconsin and was the only girl in the family. I have four brothers, all older, because Mom wanted a girl and said she would keep trying until she got one. Growing up with four older brothers toughens a girl and when I graduated from high school, I enlisted in the Army. One thing led to another so I joined the Rangers and made it through the program. I was only eighteen at the time. After serving my time in the military I went to work for the agency I work for now. It’s dangerous duty, but I love it and protecting people is what I do. Other than the obvious, how did you get into modeling?”
“Just by accident. My best friend’s mother was a model and she got me this job, so here I am.”
“Do you do anything else?”
“Just school, oh, and I play soccer.”
“Are you, any good?”
“I made second team all league.”
“You must be good. What position do you play?”
“Keeper.”
“I played forward. I feel for you, keeper is a hard position.”
“I don’t mind and it helps that I’m tall.”
The room phone rang and Sofia answered it.
“Hello.”
“Yes this is Sofia. Ugh huh, ugh huh, are you sure, thanks; I’ll let them know. Let me know what you want me to do.”
Sofia lowered the phone with a very worried look on her face.
“That was my boss in New York City. He just finished talking with the police here in Milan and the news isn’t good.”
“Why, what’s wrong?” Mom asked, with a worried look on her face.
“It seems that these thugs that tried to kidnap you were hired by someone back home, in the States. They were paid to kidnap you and hold you for ransom. The amount was to be ten million dollars. They were going to keep six million for their trouble and the remaining four million was to be wired to and account in the Cayman Islands. Even though these guys were captured the real threat still remains, free to do what ever he wishes, even trying to abduct Amanda again when she returns home.”
“What should we do?” Mom asked, clearly shaken by this news.
“I don’t know about you Mrs. James, but I think I should be hired for a bit longer than just for this trip. I like Amanda and to be honest I thought watching her would be nothing more than an exercise in putting up with a petulant spoiled brat. I couldn’t have been more wrong with my preconceived notion. Amanda’s a lovely girl and I can see she’s tough too. If you decide to extend my contract after we return home, I’d be delighted to continue watching Amanda.”
The show ended two days later and Sofia was able to get a ticket on the same plane as us, but in a different location in first class. Thus began my life with Sofia, which wouldn’t end until I graduated from college. She became a big sister for all intents and purposes.
As much as I like Sofia, it was becoming a drag having her watch my every move. As with everything there was bad with the good. The good part was that the paparazzi now had to stay far away from me, but the bad was not having a free moment of time for myself. Luckily we have a spare bedroom at home so Sofia moved in with us. I now had to be on my guard more than ever to escape detection of my hidden secret. As time went by, Sofia and I became like sisters. I think she enjoyed passing her wisdom to a young impressionable girl. Mom was more than pleased with our new guest as dating was now almost impossible, even if I was to date; I had my very own chaperone to make sure nothing happened to me, drat.
As with any relationship, ours, Sofia’s and mine took time to develop. Our routine was for her to drive me to school, drop me off and then spend her time waiting for me to finish the day, usually around five-thirty and drive me home, or to friends, or shopping. Depending on where we went, Melisa or Ginny would be involved. Because of having a bodyguard, Melisa rode with me everyday in our car, which saved gas for her. The only time she drove herself was when she had something else to do. I no longer have a boyfriend, because Kurt is now enrolled at Harvard, and with the addition of Sofia, boys haven’t asked me out. I guess it’s just as well, as Mom said,” Boys are nothing but trouble for a pretty girl like you”.
I won Homecoming princess again and had no date this year. Brandon Jennings, one of the co captains on the football team, escorted me to the dance. Sofia was courteous enough to stay in the background, but I always felt her presence. It was comforting to know I was being watched and I would be safe should anything happen to me. There was a big show made of the dance in the press, but I informed the writers that there was no love interest with Brandon. Of course when the gossip rags came out more than a few references were made that I was free to date anyone I wanted, like that was going to happen? I was too busy trying to keep up with school, soccer, and my job. Even though we had backed off a little, I still found myself flying to Los Angeles twice a month.
Dad has improved a lot. He hardly has to use his canes anymore and he says he owes his success all to his beautiful daughter. Dad laughed at the gagging sound I made.
I should mention that Dad and I had a long discussion about losing Mark and gaining Amanda. It started with an innocent question from Dad.
“Honey, do you like doing this?”
“Doing what, Dad?”
“You know, being Amanda?”
Dad had a strange look on his face, almost like he was going to cry or be sick.
“I love being Amanda, Dad. Why would you ask?”
“Because I feel responsible for who you’ve become. If I hadn’t injured myself maybe we wouldn’t be having this conversation and Mark would still be here.”
“Do you miss, Mark?”
Dad was quiet for a moment and defeat crossed his face.
“Yes, I do. I miss the boy time we used to spend together. Don’t take this the wrong way sweetheart, I love you dearly, but there’s a special bond that a father and son have that’s gone now. I miss that. The funny thing though is I love you so much as my daughter, that I couldn’t imagine losing you. If it weren’t for you, I’d never have regained my life as it is today. When I woke from my coma and my little girl wasn’t there, I panicked. I didn’t know what had happened to me, and the thought of you being in an accident with me turned my world upside down. When you visited with your mother, it was the happiest day of my life. All I knew was that I had a daughter and she was the most precious thing in the world to me.”
“But what about Mark?”
“When I remembered the, Mark, you, all I could think of was losing my daughter. You had taken my heart from the boy I loved so dearly. I know I was wrong not to have told you that I remembered Mark, but at the time I couldn’t bare to think of losing you. I love you so much Amanda, and watching my little girl become a woman, I know I did the right thing. I just hope you feel the same way?”
“Oh Daddy, I do. I love being Amanda and when I’m old enough I want to become a complete woman. I love you Dad.”
Dad and I hugged both of us in tears. The more I thought about it the more I realized my father was man enough to cry and not be ashamed.
Sofia has been with us for about two months now and we still hardly speak other than the usual hi and how are you conversations. She informs us as to how the investigation into the kidnap is going but other than that it’s business as usual.
It was on the ride home one day when Melisa had something to do and Sofia and I were alone. Normally we wouldn’t talk except for the “Hi, how was your day,” type of thing.
I was surprised when she asked, “Do you like doing this modeling thing?”
“Umm, yes, why do you ask?”
“Because you seem so unlike a model. You’re more like a normal teenaged girl than a fashion icon.”
“What’s a fashion icon?”
“You know, a leader in your field, the person everyone wants to be.”
“No one wants to be me. I’m just a girl in high school. I’m not really Amanda Flowers, she’s just someone that models things.”
“When I was your age, I wanted to be just like you. I wanted to be a girly girl, but my brothers wouldn’t let me, and besides, I’m not pretty enough anyway.”
“You’re pretty,” I said.
Sofia was pretty in her own way. Not drop dead gorgeous but I’ve noticed her turning her fair share of men’s heads. She has a figure to die for, nice hips, a tiny waist and a little above average size breasts. Sofia is a very attractive woman, just not model pretty.
“Thanks, but, I’ve seen myself in a mirror and these scars don’t help,” she said pointing at her face.
“They aren’t that noticeable, in fact you wouldn’t even notice them with a little makeup,” I responded.
“I hate makeup. I guess that came from being an Army Ranger, after all, what kind of Ranger would wear makeup?’ she laughed.
“A pretty one?”
“Yeah right, all I would have had to have done was slather a bunch of eye shadow on and really had my ass kicked, it was hard enough being a girl in the old boy’s fraternity.”
“You should really think about it, you’d really turn some heads.”
“I think I’ll just be me, no harm intended.”
“You know, you’ll have to do something with yourself when we go to some awards banquet, after all you’ll be on the red carpet with me.”
“If I have to, so tell me, how did you get into modeling? Your mother doesn’t seem to be the type of person to make her daughter become the face of Lush Cosmetics?”
“It was by accident. You’ve met my friend Cindy, well her mother was a model once, and she got Cindy into modeling. Her mother asked her if she knew anyone pretty enough to become a model and she told her I was and my career took off from there.”
Sofia looked at me with a quizzical look on her face.
“Why would Cindy’s mom ask that if she was your best friend? I would think her mother would have noticed your beauty herself?”
Oh crap, what corner have I just painted myself into? I had to think of something, but I didn’t know what, so I made a decision to come clean with Sofia, if she could be trusted. If she knew the truth it would be much easier to hide my secret. As it was, with Sofia living with us, I had to be extra careful with every move I made.
“Sofia, I have to ask you something. How does this bodyguard thing work? Did you have to sign a nondisclosure thing, you know promise not to tell anyone what I do?”
“That’s standard procedure in our field. I’m almost like a doctor or a lawyer. I can’t say anything about you that you don’t want me to, or my agency could be sued.”
“Are you absolutely positive you can’t say anything to anybody if I tell you something very personal about me?”
“Absolutely. If I did you could put our agency out of business and I wouldn’t have a job. Listen Amanda, this job means everything to me, and if I have to protect you with my life I will and that includes your secrets, so you have no worry as to what you might tell me, or what I see. I won’t even tell your parents if you don’t want them to know what you’re doing, but let me make one thing clear, I won’t put up with you breaking the law. I might not say anything, but I will quit my job watching you and I’d hate to be you if you had to explain why I quit. Your parents watch you like a hawk and I can tell by the girl you are that they don’t put up with any nonsense. Children are examples of how they’re raised, and I can tell strict loving parents raised you. You’re a very lucky girl. Now what do you want to tell me?”
“I’m a boy.”
From the reaction on Sofia’s face, I think I could have knocked her down with a feather.
“Amanda, you’re joking?”
“I’m not. That’s why Mrs. Meyer didn’t notice me right away. It was only after Cindy told her about the game my mom and I played that she discovered Amanda Flowers and the girl I’ve become for my career.”
“Surely your parents wondered about the decision for you to become a female model?”
“Yes, at first. Mom didn’t want me to do it, she was afraid it would ruin my life. Dad was also opposed to it but after we signed the first contract with Lush Cosmetics they agreed to let me be a girl for the photo shoots but be a boy the rest of the time. I was fine with that because I really liked being a boy. My life changed after my father was in an accident and was in a coma and lost his memory. When he woke from the coma he asked for his daughter and no longer remembered his son. That was a reason to become Amanda everyday, plus Mrs. Meyer said if anyone found out about Mark James, I would no longer be able to model. I changed schools and attended as Amanda James from the first day. Some of the students recognized me, as being Amanda Flowers so there was no way for me to become Mark again unless I quit modeling. I love modeling and the longer I’ve been a girl I love being me. My friend Cindy said I’ve always been a girl inside even when I was trying to be Mark. After living as Amanda, I have to agree with her. I’ve always been a girl inside. I no longer want to be a boy again and as a woman I can follow my dreams just as well as a girl.”
“What dreams are those?”
“I want to go to Stanford and become a surgeon.”
“And you think that dream will come true?”
“You bet. I’ve already put enough money aside for as many years as it will take plus a lot more besides. I probably could remain modeling for years, but that’s not what I want. Becoming a surgeon means more to me than anything.”
“Wow, that’s quite a story Amanda, and I can see where you wouldn’t want your secret known. You can trust me, and as far as you’re concerned, I doubt that I could ever think of you as a boy. You’re just too pretty, but I have to ask, where did you get your curves. Your figure definitely isn’t a boy’s figure.”
“I’ve been on hormones for over a year, and you can see the result. I’m still changing and I wish I had a figure like you.”
“Spoken like a younger sister. Don’t worry, you’ll get curves like mine and believe me they are hard to keep. I’m sure you notice I work out all the time when I’m not with you. If I didn’t, I’d look like a blimp.”
“Thank God, I’m able to play soccer. It keeps me fit.”
“Yes it does, but there is some risk to you playing. If a ball was to hit your face it could damage your career.”
“I’m not worried. I’m pretty good at blocking the ball with my hands.”
“Just the same, you be careful and thank you for sharing your secret with me. If you ever want to talk about it and your wanting to be a girl, I’m here for you Amanda.”
“Thanks Sofia, but I think I have the girl thing pretty much covered.”
“Then consider me a big sister that you can come to and cry about the boy who just left you.”
“Are you serious? I’ll never cry over a boy.”
“Don’t be so sure,” she laughed.
“Even if I do, it won’t be for a while. I’m not allowed to date until I turn sixteen and that’s over a half of a year away.”
“Thank God. I’d worry myself sick watching you with a boy.”
“I’d behave,” I said innocently.
“I’m not worried about you, I’m worried about the boy. You’re very pretty and it wouldn’t take much for a boy to overstep your boundaries. The good news though, is that I’ll be there to protect you.”
“Oh goody, I get to have big sister going on my dates with me, oh the shame I have to put up with,” I giggled.
“You’re going to be a hand full young lady.”
When I told Sofia my secret, thought she would go ballistic, but I was wrong. She barely flinched when I said I was a boy, but maybe the reason was that she never met Mark James. To be honest, with my figure, I can see where she would never ever think of me as a boy. I don’t even think I’m one either, my wanting curves proved that to me. I guess you could say I’m just an average teenage girl, with a face recognized by millions of girls my age. I’m also a girl without a boyfriend, oh well maybe next year.
Lashes Chapter 18
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“Sofia, it’s fun and you’re going to look so pretty, and I have to go, and you’re my bodyguard, so you might as well make the best of it and let your beauty shine.”
“Pretty I don’t need. What do you think my old Army buddies will say if they see me?”
“They’ll wonder how they could have overlooked the fox that was kicking their ass,” I laughed.
“God, I knew I would hate this job,” she lamented.
Chapter 18
I’ve been asked to attend the Golden Globes but not as someone’s date. I guess I’m no longer considered arm candy, so Sofia would be my escort. Poor girl wasn’t happy when I explained that she would have to wear a designer dress, heels and have a makeover. Yup, she wasn’t happy camper.
“How can you ask me to do something so against my beliefs,” she whined.
“Sofia, it’s fun and you’re going to look so pretty, and I have to go, and you’re my bodyguard, so you might as well make the best of it and let your beauty shine.”
“Pretty I don’t need. What do you think my old Army buddies will say if they see me?”
“They’ll wonder how they could have overlooked the fox that was kicking their ass,” I laughed.
“God, I knew I would hate this job,” she lamented.
“Come on Sofia, its not that bad. I do it several times a month for the cameras. You can do it, just once?” I pleaded.
“How can I say no to such a pathetic little girl, alright, I’ll go, but if some guy makes a pass at me, both you and he will be sorry,” she growled.
“Yes,” I said, with a fist pump and giggled at the scowl on Sofia’s face.
I won’t go into the daylong makeover Sofia and I experienced the day of the award show, but suffice to say Sofia cleans up real nice. The makeup people did wonders to cover her scars and the mid thigh dress she wore left no doubt she had killer legs hiding under those drab trousers she has always worn. She even managed four-inch heels during the walk down the red carpet and the party afterward. She might have complained before the show, but I think she enjoyed the attention she got from more than a few men. Sofia might sound tough, but I think she enjoys being that girl, she missed living with her four brothers. I didn’t miss her blushes, when one or more handsome men approached her. It’s nice to see a girly side of my tough bodyguard.
* * *
In a dark office above gentleman’s club in Las Vegas a light skinned man was talking on the phone. Sweat was dripping from his chin onto his obese waist as the demands were being made from the other end of the conversation. The demands of living the life of a club owner was apparent from the disgusting weight carried by the out of shape man.
Dan Fountain had bought ‘Legs’ gentleman’s club ten years previously with ill-gotten funds embezzled from a union trust fund and disappeared as quickly as the funds had. When he took ownership of the club he weighed around one hundred seventy pounds, or thirty pounds more than his five foot seven frame should carry. He quickly fell into the roll of club owner, sleeping from dawn until dusk and then living the life of harem owner. Exercise was a foreign word in his vocabulary, other than demanding sexual favors from the entertainers in his club.
Dan loved his food and booze and over then next ten years his weight grew to more than three hundred pounds. Sweating and labored breathing had become a fact of life with Dan, and so did the disgust of having to service him when he wanted to break in a new girl. Dan wasn’t well loved, but then again what slave master is?
“Look, I’ll get the money for you, I just need a little more time,” Dan said.
“You don’t have a little more time, two weeks, or you’re dead, and I want all of it, seven million, not a penny less.”
“But I only borrowed four, and there was a million interest,” Dan whined.
“That was when the loan was due, now it’s seven and I want it two weeks from today.”
The phone went dead and Dan lowered his handset to the cradle, his white pasty hand quivering like Jell-O. Dan knew the reputation of the man whom he had borrowed the money from and he didn’t want the agony of a slow tortuous death as repayment of the loan.
If only the kidnapping in Naples had gone off as planned he wouldn’t be in this mess. He would still have had a million dollars left after paying the loan shark back east, but no, the idiots he hired had failed in the attempt. Now he would have to grab the girl here in the states which made his involvement much more visible. Unfortunately the job had to be done quickly and the only person he could call was the same person that had fucked up so badly in Naples. He could do the job himself, but he wasn’t a kidnapper or killer and was smart enough to know his limitations. He was a club owner and knew what the men who frequented his club wanted, as did he, and killing some dumb broad wasn’t it. Now, if he could talk the cunt into a blowjob then he’d be a happy camper, but she was nothing more than a big pile of money as far as he was concerned. Unfortunately for him, after he split the ransom with the loan shark and then with the guys doing the actual grunt work, he’d be lucky to walk away with his pants. At least his dick would be intact and he would still have his life when this was finally over.
He picked up the phone and dialed a number. The phone on the other end rang until it went to answering.
“You know the drill, leave a number and who you are and I’ll return your call, Maybe.”
“Marco, This is Dan Fountain and I have a job for you, call me.”
Dan disconnected the phone, unzipped his pants, called on the intercom for Candi, his newest treat to come to his office and waited for Marco Costas to return his call.
* * *
Sofia has become a very good friend and I should mention she now attends school with me. When this whole bodyguard thing started she would drop me off and do her thing until school let out in the afternoon. Since she was being paid, that meant wandering the school or sitting in the car for the time I was in class or at practice. There were complaints from several parents of other students that they didn’t like anyone loitering around the school. We had a conference with the principal and it was decided that Sofia would stay with me for the whole school day, classes included. To say that went over like a fart in a perfume factory would be an understatement. Sofia was pissed but finally crumbled to the wishes of her agency and some prodding from me.
“I won’t do it,” she said.
“Why not?” I asked.
“Because I’m too old to be going to school again, especially high school.”
“You’re only twenty-eight. I realize you’ll be retiring soon and collecting social security, but I’m sure you could pass for forty,” I laughed.
“I could pass for eighteen if I wanted,” she said.
“Yeah, right,” I answered sarcastically.
“I know what you’re doing Amanda, and it won’t work. I’m not going to attend school with you.”
“Fine, be a quitter. Go back to an easy job somewhere else. I thought I was more important to you than this,” I yelled, as the tears started to fill my eyes.
My feelings for Sofia were coming to the surface. She didn’t realize what an impact she had made on my life and the sisterly feelings I had for her. She was almost as close to me as Cindy and the thought of losing her was devastating.
“Alright, I’ll do it, but only because I love you Amanda. If you were like any other of the brats I’ve watched before, I would have been out of here, but you’re not, you’re a lovely young lady.”
I ran and hugged Sofia for as long as she would let me, which wasn’t long. Sofia wasn’t one to show physical emotions, but she did hug back.
I kind of described Sofia before but what I didn’t mention was that she looked young. Even though she was twenty-eight, she looked ten years younger and could easily pass for a high school student. The thing that made her look older was her clothing. She almost always wore pantsuits or jeans, always looking like a bodyguard. She had a very professional look about her and you could tell she meant business. Now we were asking her to abandon the professional look and become a student, well a faux one, but a student just the same. That was the reason for her out burst.
The weekend after I convinced Sofia to become a student, she had a makeover. Her idea of going to a salon was to have her hair cut enough to take the split ends off, pay the twenty dollars and be on her way. The word style wasn’t even in her dictionary.
I had a photo shoot in San Francisco, which meant I had to be pampered by the stylists provided by whom ever was paying for the shoot. The way these things work is that I would get a whole makeover when I arrived, I’d model for several pictures, have my makeup done over and over as the shoot progressed. The stylists would sit around and wait for me to finish with each set of pictures and then go back to work on me. Since they weren’t doing anything anyway during their down time, I talked them into working on Sofia while they waited for me, hence she had a very private makeover and it didn’t cost her a dime.
I explained that I wanted her to look like a high school student and not some glammed out model. Her hair was styled and her makeup done with age in mind. The finished product blew me away. Sofia was cute, very cute, and looked to be seventeen if she was a day.
She scowled at me when the stylist finished. She hated wearing makeup, until she looked in the mirror. The scowl left her face when she saw the innocent teen girl looking back at her. She didn’t smile, nor did she frown. I didn’t know how she would react, and then I saw the tear run down her cheek, followed by a beautiful smile. Sofia was pleased.
* * *
Dan answered the phone on the second ring.
“Dan Fountain.”
“Hey Dan, you called?”
Dan knew Marco’s voice from the many special jobs Dan had asked him to do over the last few years.
“Marco, glad you called back. I have something for you to do and I don’t want it fucked up like the last one you did for me.”
“That wasn’t my fault. I was told the people in Italy were competent, but I was wrong. What do you need?
“The same thing, except the girl’s home and I need her to disappear and you have a week and a half to get the job done. I can’t afford any more fuckups.”
“Look I’m sorry, but if the job is here, I’ll have a lot more control than a job in bum fuck Egypt.”
“You’d better because this is a matter of life and death. The payoff will be three million dollars for you and however you want to split it is your business.”
“It’s the same girl?”
“Yes, she goes to school in Auburn California so it should be easy for you. I don’t know where she lives except for the town near her school. Get your guys and get your butt out to the West Coast and finish the job.”
“What do you want me to do with the girl?”
“After we get the money, get rid of her. I don’t care how you do it, dump her off some where or kill her, it’s up to you.”
“I’ll call the guys and we’ll be on a plane before nine tonight.”
* * *
Sofia might have been attending school with me, but she wasn’t doing the work I had to do in class. She spent most of her time reading novels in the back of the class. All the other students knew she was protecting me from harm, so her non-attention to studies was understood. Sofia even made friends with some of the other girls in school. I had mentioned that she was very pretty after her makeover and was having the expected reactions from some of the boys, which although flattering, made her wonder about the wise choice she had made. Luckily for the male students she didn’t have to let them know in no uncertain terms that she was off limits, her verbal jibes were enough of a deterrent.
“He’s cute and I think he likes you,” Melisa mentioned to Sofia as we walked to the car for our ride home.
“Melisa, I’m twenty- eight years old and wanting to date a boy ten years my junior isn’t something I would even consider. The idea makes me shudder.”
“Come on Sofia, you’d look good together.”
“Melisa, please, let it go. I have absolutely no interest,” she replied, constantly scanning the area around us.
As we reached the car, Sofia visibly stiffened.
“Girls, get in the car. I think I’d like to go shopping,” she said, watching the traffic passing slowly on street in front of the school.
What raised Sofia’s awareness, was the appearance of a dark blue SUV driving in the line of traffic congested with the students running for their rides home. It was like any other SUV, the kind you rent at an airport, midsized, dark in color, clean and shiny with minor scratches on the doors. It was driven by a man with a dark complexion and recently styled hair. He was above average in height, his head almost touching the roof. His passenger was shorter, probably Asian and was wearing a shirt with a tie and no coat. They were both watching intently as they drove. Sofia wouldn’t have even noticed the car, except that it had driven by just a minute earlier in the opposite direction. Maybe it was nothing, but it wasn’t her place to make that kind of judgment and her training told a whole different story. The first clue as to who they were was the slow speed they drove and re-appearance minutes later going the opposite direction. The second was the occupants, two men in line with cars containing a driver only, waiting for their child. Sofia knew who and what they were, only now she had to find out if they were after Amanda, or some other unfortunate student.
Sofia started the car and drove slowly from the student’s parking lot. She turned right at the street and headed toward the left turn lane at the intersection, The divider island in the middle of the street prevented drivers from turning left across the lanes of traffic. Before the island was added several traffic accidents had injured more than one student as drivers failed to look each direction before crossing the street.
Sofia made a U turn at the signal and proceeded toward the shopping mall two miles from the school. I noticed that she was checking the rearview mirror more than usual.
“Sofia, is something wrong?” I asked.
“Just doing my job, not to worry,” she replied.
But I did worry. It hadn’t been that long since Milan and having a bodyguard made forgetting that much harder to do.
Sofia drove into the parking lot and proceeded to the Target end of the mall, driving up and down the lanes as if she was looking for a parking spot near the stores, passing ones that were open that wouldn’t require much of a walk.
“Girls, we’re being followed and I’m not sure what the guys are going to do. They probably aren’t going to do anything today, but I want you to be aware and do everything exactly as I ask you to do.”
“We’re being followed, why?” Melisa asked.
“I don’t know, maybe they’re just paparazzi, or they could be something worse, I don’t know. Don’t worry, I won’t allow anything to happen to you girls.”
My body went numb recalling the close call I had in Milan. I’m not much of a crier but when Mom threw her arms around me after the attempted abduction, I could barely contain myself. It was the most I had ever cried and the relief of being saved from the thugs was more than I could bare. I’m not sure if the tears were from fear or relief and I didn’t want to go through the same thing again.
“Is this like one of those TV shows with bad guys and everything?” Melisa asked excitedly.
“No, Melisa, it’s not. I might be wrong, but I’m trained for this sort of thing so we’re going to go into the mall and just act as though we’re just three high school girls shopping.”
“I love shopping, especially with danger,” Melisa laughed.
“Melisa, it’s not funny. I was almost taken and that’s why Sofia is here now.”
“I’m sorry, but it’s not everyday we have bad guys in Auburn. You know how I love mystery novels and I didn’t think I’d be living one.”
“You might not be, but we’ll see. Let’s go,” Sofia said.
We exited the car and walked to the mall, three teen girls on a mission. The look was perfect, as Sofia had decided to wear a denim mini skirt today, which showed off her gorgeous legs to the maximum. There was no doubt that had prompted Melisa’s remark about some boy being in love with Sofia. I just wish Sofia was more conscious about her looks. She really is a very pretty woman, scars and all.
We walked to the mall and entered through the large row of glass doors. When they closed Sofia turned and looked back toward the parking lot to see if either of the men followed us. The Asian one did. The driver stayed with the SUV, parking several rows away from our car. She didn’t say anything to us, knowing that we would turn around at every chance we had to see who the bad guy was, if he was even a bad guy.
We spent about an hour exploring the usual stores, spending a half of an hour at Forever 21 trying on several outfits girls our age wore. Even Sofia seemed to be caught up in the fun, but refused to try anything on, not wanting to let us out of her sight, should she enter the changing room.
“You’d look good in this,” Melisa said to Sofia, holding a very short lacy dress in her hands.
Sofia took the dress from Melisa and held it in front of herself, smiled and handed it back.
“Only if I was ten years younger,” she laughed.
“I don’t know why you keep saying that Sofia, you look like any other girl in our school and it would look really nice on you.”
“Do you really think so?”
“Absolutely.”
“Maybe next time I’ll try it on, but we have to go now. Did you want to buy anything?”
“I’d like this mini,” I replied.
“Well hurry, we have to get Melisa home.”
I purchased the cute skirt and we headed back to the car. Sofia would stop and look in the windows of the stores we had already passed and I wondered why.
“Sofia, we already looked in these stores. Why do you keep stopping?” I asked.
“Just observing, Amanda, not to worry.”
I finally got it. Sofia was looking at the reflection off the glass to see if we were still being followed, we were, and not be obvious that she was tracking the Asian man who was fifty feet away.
We reached the car and Melisa rode in back with me in front, Sofia driving.
“Girls, I want you to listen to me carefully. First I want you to act as though nothing is happening, we’re just three girls returning home from shopping. Don’t start looking around like you’re trying to find a lost treasure because I don’t want these guys to know I’ve spotted them. I’m going to drive from the mall and I’ll lose them before I drive you home. What I do will seem strange since we’ll be driving a different way home. Remember, I’m the professional and everything will be okay.”
“God, this is so much fun,” Melisa giggled excitedly.
Sofia started the car’s motor, put the transmission in drive and pulled forward from the parking space. I should mention that I had bought a BMW X5 SUV so Mom or any other family member could drive us in style, plus I thought the car was cool. Sofia liked it because it had the handling package and the V8 engine that was as powerful as just about any car on the road.
We exited the shopping center and drove toward old town, the buildings left over from the gold rush days and on the other side of I-80. Sofia didn’t rush, nor did she give any indication that she knew we were being followed. I thought she would have used the handling and speed of the car to lose the men. I was wrong, she just took her time driving slowly in the right hand lane heading toward town. I didn’t realize it at the time that she was timing the signals, getting closer and closer to the yellow and red lights. She finally timed her speed just right and barely made it through a yellow light before it turned red. She looked in the rearview mirror and laughed.
“Well girls, time to go home. We just lost our new best friends and I don’t think we’ll be seeing them again until tomorrow.”
It was then that the penny dropped. Sofia was going to make the guys following us miss the signal and give ourselves a minute head start, home. Mission accomplished. Sofia pushed down on the accelerator and moved quickly away.
* * *
“Hey boss, it’s Ken.”
“Yeah and what did you find out? Did you find the girl?”
“Yeah, me and Carl found her easy just like you said, at her school.”
“Did you follow her home?”
“No, we lost her.”
“What do you mean, you lost her?”
“She was with two other girls and they went shopping after school. The stupid bitch driving was driving so slow she made us miss the traffic signal.”
“Couldn’t you just drive through the red light?”
“There were cars between them and us. We didn’t want to drive right behind them, even dumbass broads like that would have spotted us.”
“Tell me about the other two girls, are they going to be a problem?”
“Marco, you’re talking to me and Carl. They’re just a couple of hot looking high school girls, heck I might be tempted to take the one with the legs and have a little fun before we off them.”
“Fucking A Ken, I sent you up there to grab the model chick, not screw some tasty meat who hangs with her. Put your dick back in your pants and pay attention to your job. The guy that hired us doesn’t have time for you to be screwing around. If you can’t follow them home then grab the girl from school and be done with it. We only have nine days before the guy has to have the money and it’s going to take two of those for the parents to put the money together, which means we have only four or five days to put this thing to rest.”
“Okay, okay, I get it, but you should have seen Miss Legs, even you would have been tempted.”
“Just do your job. I don’t want any screw ups.”
* * *
“Thanks for taking us shopping, Sofia, see you tomorrow,” Melisa said, exiting the car.
“Melisa, wait, I want to talk to you. I don’t think it would be wise on your part to ride with us until we find out who these guys are,” Sofia said.
“Please Sofia, let me ride with you and Amanda, this is exciting.”
“And dangerous.”
“But you don’t know for sure if those guys are bad or just someone in love with Amanda,” she giggled.
“Melisa, believe me when I say this, they have no love interest in Amanda and I’d worry if I had to protect Amanda and you. I’ve grown quite fond of you and I really don’t want to endanger you.”
“But you know how I feel about the books I read, please Sofia, I won’t get in the way, and besides, if they’re watching us, they’ll know we always ride together. If I start driving myself to school they’ll know something’s up.”
“I’ll think about it and let you know my decision tomorrow.”
“I’ll be your best friend forever if you let me ride with you,” Melisa laughed.
“I thought I was your best friend already?” Sofia countered.
“I’ll let Lauren know,” Melisa said, as she entered her car.
Lauren is Melisa’s very best friend in the whole world, being that way since they met in high school. Lauren lives in Auburn so that was the reason Melisa rode with us, and the fact that she buys clothes with the money she saves on gas leaving her car at my house. There was no doubt Melisa would be on her cell phone before she turned the corner from our house to tell her BFF about the exciting afternoon she had after leaving school. I swear the whole school will know by morning.
Melisa came, bright and early the next morning, wearing a miniskirt and nice blouse. Let me explain that Melisa never wear skirts to school, “The boys keep looking up my skirt to see if they can see my panties,” she would moan, so jeans and a T-shirt with a college logo on it were her uniform of choice.
“You’re wearing a skirt today?” I asked, in amazement.
“Well yeah, you never know who you’re going to run into,” she giggled.
“Like who?”
“Like those bad guys, I have to look my best,” she laughed.
Sofia had come out of the house before me, which was our daily routine, so she could check the area before she drove us to school. Today she had chosen to wear low riding jeans and a cropped top. If I didn’t know better, I think Sofia is beginning to enjoy her disguises to look as much like a student as possible.
“Wow, you look hot today, Sofia, change your mind about that boy who likes you?” Melisa laughed.
“Melisa, I decided to let you ride with us, so don’t make me regret my decision, and I certainly don’t want to get arrested for delinquency of a minor,” Sofia growled, as she tried to cover her smile.
We jumped into the car and were driving down 80 until we reached Bowman, a town you would miss if you blinked your eyes. Sofia was always checking her rearview mirror and easily saw the blue SUV enter the highway from the onramp heading west. It stayed several hundred yards behind our BMW hoping not to be seen and since the guys knew where we would be headed, following close wasn’t something they had to do. Just observe and decide where to make the grab, easy peasy.
Sofia parked the car in an open space and placed her Sig Sauer 9mm pistol in the gun safe in the glove compartment. Rules prohibit anyone to carry a pistol or any firearm on school property. It didn’t bother me because I thought Sofia was Wonder Woman and who needed guns if you were as good as her with her hands and feet?
Lauren met us at the front door and couldn’t help commenting.
“We’ll look at you,” she said, looking at Melisa.
“Just something I threw together,” she blushed.
“You look good for a change,” Lauren replied.
I should mention Lauren is the clothes’ horse at our school. Everything she wears is immaculate and very stylish. I should take lessons from her, but modeling clothes all the time doesn’t especially compute into being stylish when one is away from her job. Cindy and I are very much alike. We wear something that looks nice but is practical. We still go to our special spot with the birds and just sit to help forget some of the stresses in our life. Sofia doesn’t like the openness of the area because it makes protection more difficult, but she understands why we go there. Wearing a mini or dress would just ruin the clothes and not to mention the chance of catching poison oak on our legs. Let’s just say I wear more than my share of jeans.
Sofia looked toward the street and saw the blue SUV park across from the high school with both men staring as we walked into the school.
* * *
“The boss said we have to hurry and get it done,” Ken said to his partner.
“Might as well do it after school then,” Carl replied.
“How do you want to do it?”
“We’ll move into the parking lot and when she comes out we grab her and get the Hell out.”
“There were too many people around yesterday.”
“Fuck it, those stupid kids will move out of the way if we drive fast enough, and yesterday was a fluke because the girl is supposed to have after school sports. Marco said she’s some kind of all-star.”
“Okay, let’s do it.”
Ken and Carl waited until school was over and the parking lot emptied with the exception of cars driven by student athletes. Ken checked the surrounding area before driving to an empty space next to the BMW. They waited until practice was over and started the engine of the car and left it idling. They exited the car and stood between our car and theirs.
Sofia spotted the guys from across the parking lot and froze. As long as there was space between them and us I would be safe.
“Girls do exactly as I tell you to do, turn and walk back to the gym.”
“Why?” Melisa asked.
“Because those guys are here to take Amanda, now move.”
The three of us turned and walked back toward the gym. Ken and Carl saw us change directions and saw we would have to walk fifty feet before we would be in the safety protected corridor leading to the gym. They ran back and jumped into the SUV, spun the tires and drove toward us.
“Run,” Sofia yelled.
The SUV was gaining on us and I knew it would be close as to whether we made it or not. The entrance to the gym is two hundred feet down a wide corridor from the parking lot. Removable bollards prevent cars from driving to the entrance of the gym so Carl had to stop the car after we had run through the openings between the stiff iron posts. We were a quarter of the way to the gym when we heard the car doors slam shut and feet running after us. A quarter of the way meant we had run fifty feet but had one hundred fifty to go. Sofia looked back and saw we were as fast as the bad guys but they had something else going for them, they were armed and Sofia wasn’t.
It would take seven seconds for us to run the next one hundred fifty feet and another two point four seconds for the guys to reach us, or it would take five one hundredths of a second to find a bullet in our backs.
‘Don’t stop,” Sofia shrieked.
Ken pulled his pistol and yelled,” Stop, Amanda, or I’ll shoot.”
Sofia is a trained marksman and knew running and aiming a pistol was useless if you were trying to hit anything, unless the target was three feet away and even then it might be iffy.
“Go, get into the gym,” Sofia said.
Sofia grabbed a trash container and pulled it over spilling the contents all over the corridor causing Ken to slip.
“You’re dead bitch,” he roared, as the pistol discharged and the bullet flew toward Sofia.
Lashes Chapter 19
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“Are you in any danger?”
“Not right now, but shots have been fired.”
“Stay on the line and help will be there soon. There’s an officer two minutes away.”
“Please hurry, they’re trying to break into the room where we are”
The pounding on the door ceased after a half of a minute, only to be followed by the sound of gunfire and a loud crashing noise on the door, some more kicking, and then silence.
Chapter 19
Splinters exploded as the bullet hit the wood beam, two feet above the gymnasium doors as Sofia ran after the girls into the large empty space, the sound of the men’s running feet disappearing as the doors closed behind them. Four seconds she thought, four seconds to get these girls hidden, but where?
Sofia looked left and right at the white painted walls, shadows and bands of light shining off the glossy surface from the skylights above looking like demons clawing after them. The bleachers were stacked tightly against the walls leaving the highly polished wood floor exposed in all directions. Sofia noticed Coach Kramer’s desk light shining dully under the heavy door to her office. They would be safe if they could reach the office before the gunmen came through the gymnasium doors and the police could be summoned.
“Girls, Kramer’s office,” Sofia yelled, to the two athletes fleeing toward the rear of the gym, her voice and footsteps echoing in the large empty space.
Amanda and Melisa turned toward Coach Kramer’s office mid flight across the deserted basketball court, shoes squeaking with every step.
The light indicated the office door would be unlocked and if it wasn’t, Sofia would have to think of another alternative escape route. As luck would have it Coach Kramer was finishing some paperwork as the three girls crashed through the office door, Sofia following a second later than Amanda and Melisa.
“Girl’s what’s going on?” Coach asked, as her office door was being pushed shut by Sofia. Sofia pushed the lock mechanism in the handle to lock the door.
The door to the office is a heavy item, steel skin with a solid core to make it fire rated and quite heavy enough to stop most bullets fired from a pistol. The door opens out making it almost impossible to break in from the outside and secure enough from the inside to serve as a place for detention..
“Call the police, 911,” Sofia ordered.
“Amanda, what’s happening?” Coach Kramer asked, “What’s the meaning of this?”
The five seconds of conversation and action to lock the door brought the jarring answer to the Coach. The lock rattled followed by heavy kicking against the door when Ken and Carl tried to open the office door.
“Coach, hurry, call the police,” Sofia ordered, again.
Coach Kramer looked on in shock as the attack continued on her office door, not moving but watching with her mouth open as her brain tried to make sense of the commotion whirling around her.
“God,” Sofia swore as the coach froze in horror as the assault to the door continued..
Grabbing the phone next to the papers Coach was grading, accidently sweeping several to flutter across the floor, Sofia punched in the numbers.
“911 what’s your emergency?”
“This is Marion Hill School and we have two men with guns on the grounds. Please send help.”
“Are you in any danger?”
“Not right now, but shots have been fired.”
“Stay on the line and help will be there soon. There’s an officer two minutes away.”
“Please hurry, they’re trying to break into the room where we are”
The pounding on the door ceased after a half of a minute, only to be followed by the sound of gunfire and a loud crashing noise on the door, some more kicking, and then silence.
We couldn’t hear sirens or any other noise. The wall where the office had been built was designed with a very high fire rating. The walls were cement block and the door, was steel with a solid core and steel framing, painted grey. The hardware was of the highest quality and for the thugs to trying to enter, it presented a barrier they couldn’t overcome without heavy tools of some sort to break the door apart.
Another two minutes passed before we heard knocking on the door.
“That must be the police, get back into the corner of the room and I’ll let them in.”
Sofia found a baseball bat and took it in her hand before walking to the door. Coach, Melisa, and I crowded into the left front corner of the room, after Sofia explained she would be able to try to protect us with the bat and there would be no easy shot at us until they entered the office.
“Identify yourself,” Sofia yelled, hoping the sound of her voice would travel through the door.
“Deputy Sherriff Bob Atkins, Miss, please unlock the door.”
“Where are the guys that were shooting at us?”
“They’re gone, you’re safe now.”
Sofia stepped to the lock side of the door and stood against the wall, shielded from the door opening by the thick cement block wall. She reached slowly toward the door handle and pressed it down to unlock the door and quickly grabbing the bat with both hands and prepared to swing it at the intruder. The deputy eased himself slowly into the room enough to expose enough of his uniform so Sofia could see the voice was connected to a real Deputy Sherriff.
“Is everyone okay?” he asked.
“We’re fine,” Sofia answered.
“Deputy Atkins, Miss, and you’re?”
“Sofia Lorenz,” she answered, still gripping the baseball bat. His name plate confirmed he was who he said he was.
“Nice to meet you, Miss Lorenz. Can you tell me what happened?” Deputy Atkins asked.
Bob Atkins was a tall man and looked to be around twenty-five years old. His hair showing from under his Sherriff’s hat was dark brown with a military cut and his intense eyes were a deep blue. His nose was a little crooked, not enough to be ugly but the right amount to be sexy. He had a ready smile and very white teeth. I would have had to guess he was around six-three and very well put together. My thoughts were, ‘God he’s a fox’.
I could hear sirens coming from all directions. It wouldn’t be long before the SWAT Team arrived along with half the police in Placer County.
Sofia was her usual calm self as she answered the Deputy’s question, except I couldn’t help notice that she was blushing every time her eyes met his. OMG, Sofia was losing her composure, as it was evident she liked the deputy more than as someone who had just saved her. She was crushing on the guy.
“The girls had just finished their workouts for their team sports and we were walking toward the car when I spotted the two guys waiting for us. I knew what they wanted so I told the girls to run for the gym. I was hoping it was still unlocked and if it was we would be safe in there. All we had to do was hide, which we did. The tall guy shot at me, but missed badly, which I knew he would. Luckily the coach’s office was unlocked and we would be safe in there. They tried to get in, but there was no way they would be able to break through the door before you got here.”
“Do you know who they were?” he asked.
“I saw then yesterday and knew what they were doing, so as soon as I saw them I alerted the girls and here we are.”
“You saw them yesterday? Why didn’t you call the police, and how did you know what they wanted?”
“Do you know who this girl is?” Sofia asked, pointing at me.
“Umm, she looks kind of familiar, but I really can’t put a name to her face.”
“That’s understandable since guys don’t wear much makeup. She’s Amanda Flowers, a very famous model.”
“Amanda Flowers, yeah now I recognize her, hey weren’t you just at the awards show? My girlfriend and I watched it, yeah, now I remember.”
Sofia’s face turned to a scowl when Bob mentioned his girl friend. Sofia’s got a crush, I giggled to myself.
“Jeze, we broke up right after that.”
Sofia’s smile returned so fast that I thought her lips would get whiplash.
“Sorry, I got distracted, so, how did you know what these guys wanted? Have you been reading mystery novels and just guessed?”
Bob thought he was speaking to a high school senior who thought she had enough knowledge to know about abductions and what ever else she had talked about. Girls her age sure wouldn’t know about pistols and not being able to hit anything while you were running. Maybe he would cut her some slack because she was so darn cute. ‘Too bad she’s still in school or he’d be tempted to ask her to dinner’ he thought.
“Oh, I get it,” Sofia answered, with more than a little venom in her voice. “You think I’m some little airhead that doesn’t know the first thing about dangerous things. Well Mister Sherriff, I’m her bodyguard and this is what I’m trained to do. Those guys couldn’t have been more obvious if they tried. First they were driving a rented blue SUV and they circled across in front of the school and then back again. Two guys driving up and down in front of a high school, come on, they were either looking for someone or they were perverts looking to get laid. When we left school they fell right in behind us and I knew it was Amanda they were after, so I led them to the mall to prove my theory about them. They followed us and parked to watch us. I made them suffer a bit while we shopped. Nothing like three teen girls shopping, to drive a guy crazy.”
“You can say that again.”
Sofia raised one eyebrow.
“Anyway, I lost them driving home. It wasn’t too hard and we didn’t see them again until this morning. Apparently they have a general idea of where Amanda lives and waited off the freeway until we drove past. They knew where we were going so they didn’t care if they lost me or not. We didn’t see them until after practice and you know what happened since then.”
“You’re really a body guard?” Bob asked sheepishly. “Are you carrying?”
“No, my pistol is in the car locked in a safe, school rules you know,” Sofia answered sarcastically.
“Just how old are you Sofia?” he asked.
“I’m twenty-eight, is there a problem?”
From the smile on Bob’s face Sofia’s age was the farthest thing from being a problem. I guess he kind of liked her too.
Over the next half of an hour we were taken outside and questioned by the Chief of Detectives for Placer County and a detective for the Auburn City Police. Sofia was bored, I was having fun, and Melisa was beside herself with excitement. She was living one of her mystery novels. Coach Kramer didn’t know Sofia was my bodyguard and when she found out she knew why Sofia watched my practices every day. He thought Sofia was another student with a crush on me and was going to ask her to leave practice if she kept showing up to watch me. When we were finally able to leave, she thanked Sofia for being there and gave her a hug. Sofia being herself, tensed but allowed the show of affection. I love that girl. Oh, I almost forgot, Bob asked Sofia for her number, and she gave it to him, romance is in the air.
* * *
“Boss, I’m sorry, but the cops came before we could take the girl,” Ken said, into his mobile phone.
“Shit, how long does it take to grab the kid, just what in the Hell were you doing?”
“We were waiting right next to the girl’s car. We figured she would walk to us, no fuss, no muss, just grab her, throw her in the car and drive away. You know the broad with the legs; well she saw us and told the other two girls to run. How would she know we were waiting for them? I think she’s something more than a student. She knew right away who we were.”
“The chick’s got to be a body guard, the fucking kid’s a bodyguard, and she’s no student, why didn’t you spot that in the first place?”
“How should we know, she looked just like one of the other girl students.”
“What were you looking with, your dick? Don’t answer that question, I already know. Look this has to happen in the next few days and I don’t want another screw up. Fucking shoot the bodyguard and grab the kid, get it done.”
“Uh, Boss, we’ll need to rent another car. The girl knows what this one looks like.”
“I don’t care what you have to do, just get it done and next time you call, it had better be good news or I’ll be handing your balls to you myself.”
The phone went dead and Ken had an obvious look of concern on his face. He knew Marco was good for his word and wouldn’t think twice about cutting his balls off, if it even came to that. His neck would probably be first.
“Boss said we have to get it done and if we have to, shoot the bodyguard,” Ken relayed the message.
“Those legs belong to a bodyguard, damn, what a waste, I’d do her in a second.”
“I’m sure you would, and maybe you’ll get your chance. Let’s get rid of this car and get a different color so she won’t spot us so easily. She might not be all that tough and is here just for show. I wouldn’t mind getting a little of that myself.”
* * *
The next day things were different. We had a police escort all the way to school. A Sherriff’s car followed us from the time we left the house until we arrived at school. I guess you can guess who volunteered for that duty? Sofia had a smile on her face all the way to school.
The seriousness of the kidnap attempt made me think about what my life had become. Did I really have a life anymore, or was I just a product for someone else’s riches. There wasn’t a moment I could be myself, who ever that might be. I couldn’t eat what I wanted, “Remember fat models aren’t in demand”, Mrs. Meyer would remind me, when I’d pine for a big fat juicy burger. No, just a small salad and a bit of fruit would be perfect. “Amanda, what are you thinking, you could ruin your career,” she would say if I had a band-aid covering the slightest scratch from soccer. I know she means well, but I also realize that I’m her meal ticket, but on the other hand I’ve made a lot of money for myself. I wouldn’t be able to go to Stanford if I hadn’t earned that money.
My father might still be sitting in a chair at home because we wouldn’t have been able to afford the treatment he received after his accident. The trade off, I had become a girl and would remain one for the rest of my life. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a pity party, I love the person I’ve become. If I didn’t, I would have never wanted real curves and started my puberty as a woman. It seems I’m never alone to do what I want to do. I hardly see Cindy anymore even though we talk everyday on the phone. Sofia is with me everywhere I go, even to our special tree in the clearing. Weekends are reserved for modeling sessions as are several midweek days every month. I can’t just be me, and I don’t even know who me is anymore?
Amanda started as a part time job, be her, and then be Mark for the rest of the time. I was Mark through and through while Amanda was the outside person looking in. When I had to assume her personality full time it was very difficult to bury Mark in a little corner of my life. I loved being a boy and my father had taught me well. I love my father more than words can say and when he forgot his son, I thought I would die, and perhaps I did in a small way when I became Amanda full time. This isn’t to say I don’t like being Amanda, I do, and I love being the girl I portray, actually more than being a boy. I guess Cindy was right when she said I was really a girl inside, but it seems I’ve had no say in where my life is going ever since Cindy saw my mascara covered lashes. God I was only twelve and how was I supposed to make decisions like the ones I made. The Siren Song of money drew me to the flame as easily as a moth to light.
It was the accident that I blame for the big shift in my life, and not wanting to hurt my father by telling him he didn’t have a daughter and that he had a son. He was barely alive and a blow like that would kill him, maybe even literally. How hard would it be to try living as a girl all the time, I had wondered, and the trap was set. As time passed it became too easy, I became Amanda, a real girl and it was no wonder that I wanted to be just like the rest of the girls my age, curves and all. What I didn’t realize at the time was what those curve inducing hormones would do to my brain. I had always been a nice boy, not aggressive, but not one to back down from anyone either, I was that tough little Mark James. Now, I don’t feel so tough, maybe even a little needy, no, threatened would be a better word, as though my world was spinning out of control and I had no way to stop it.
I knew I didn’t want to become Mark James again, as much as I missed him, but I knew who Amanda Flowers had become was still a little bit of a boy named Mark. I still had a little of that devil may care attitude I had as a boy. It made Amanda Flowers who she was which made my fans love me just that much more for being myself.
There was one other thing I wanted. I wanted a boyfriend. I know it would be several months before I turned sixteen and would be able to date, but I missed the special attention from a boy after Kurt left for college. I wondered why boys hadn’t asked me out, but perhaps they knew the rule my mother had about not being able to date until I turned sixteen. Another reason could be the constant presence of Sofia. Having a bodyguard hanging around probably put a damper on any thoughts a boy might have for what he’d like to do with me. We would have to work something out. I don’t know how much longer I can put up with a constant companion.
The drive to school was uneventful and Sofia didn’t see our kidnappers. Having a Sherriff’s escort will dampen most people’s thoughts of trying anything bad.
Things changed after school. The Sherriff couldn’t escort us because of an accident on highway 49 and there wasn’t anyone available for us, as being an escort is very low priority. I think maybe Bob was just trying to impress Sofia, which worked by the way. The girl has it bad.
After practice Sofia was more than a little concerned walking to our car.
“I have a bad feeling,” she said, as we walked. Her head was constantly turning from side to side looking for any threat.
“There’s no one around,” I replied.
“There shouldn’t be, it’s just I feel different today.”
“Maybe you’re just not over yesterday,” Melisa said.
“Maybe, well let’s hurry, I don’t like being out in the open like this.”
We slowly ran to the SUV and Sofia unlocked the doors with the remote FOB on her keychain. We entered, Melisa in back, me riding shotgun, and Sofia driving of course. She opened the glove compartment and opened the gun safe, pulling her pistol from it and placing it on the seat between us. Sofia lowered the windows to let the hot stale air from the car.
She started the engine, put the car in gear and headed toward the exit.. She stopped at the stop sign next to the gate and before we could proceed a silver Nissan SUV blocked our path. The two guys from yesterday jumped from the car, pistols drawn.
“Down,” Sofia screamed, throwing the car in reverse and accelerated backward, into the lot. Melisa and I threw ourselves onto the floor of the car.
The two men ran after us and fired their pistols damaging the car but nothing else. Sofia turned the steering wheel and applied the brakes causing the car to turn ninety degrees before stopping. She grabbed her pistol, aimed through the open window of the car and fired. Ken, the leader went down, his pistol flying from his hand. The Asian guy stopped realizing that my bodyguard had a gun and wasn’t afraid to use it.
“Move and you’re dead,” Sofia yelled, pointing her pistol at the man’s head. Carl was staring down business end of a nine millimeter and after seeing Ken fall to the pavement knew he would be next if he didn’t do as asked.
Carl lowered his pistol and placed it on the pavement in front of him.
“Kick the gun over here and lay down,” Sofia ordered.
Carl did as asked, kicking his pistol under our SUV and lowered himself to the pavement.
“Girls, call the police while I watch this idiot,” Sofia said.
Sofia opened the car door and stepped from the car. Ken was bleeding from his chest and moaning softly. Carl didn’t move a muscle. Melisa and I sat quietly in the car. Watching someone get shot turned an adventure into real life and someone might die.
The police arrived a minute later and an ambulance was called. Luckily for Ken, Sofia’s bullet missed his heart but had punctured his lung, passing through his body and lodging in the rented Nissan. Ken would live but he wouldn’t be getting out of the hospital soon, and when he did there would be a jail cell waiting for him.
Carl decided he wanted to work out a deal and told the police everything Marco had asked them to do. Marco was arrested in New York and would stand trial with both Ken and Carl.
Marco was a weak man and it didn’t take long for him to spill his guts about Dan Fountain. Unfortunately for Dan, Marco’s confession came a day too late and he died a slow death at the hands of the loan shark who gave him two weeks to pay back his loan. Two weeks and one day found Dan missing his fingers and teeth, which lay next to his bruised and battered body. The threat against Amanda was gone.
The threat gone meant that Sofia was no longer needed to protect me. Mom and Dad decided to keep her on for two more months, just in case there were anymore guys, Dan Fountain had hired, but there were none. Sofia knew her time with me was coming to an end and Mom and Dad let her take time off just to relax. It didn’t take her long to start dating Bob during her free time.
“How’s Bob,” I would tease.
“He’s wonderful. I just hope you find someone as nice as him when you start dating,” she would reply.
“Maybe I would if my mom and dad would let me date,” I complained.
“You’re too young, maybe in a few years.”
“More like a few months, I’ll be sixteen in four months and then look out boys.”
“More like look out Amanda, girl, you have so much to learn.”
“I had a boy friend before.”
“Oh really, and what happened with that one?”
“He went off to college.”
“And what did you do with him?”
“We kissed a couple of times.”
“That’s it? God you’re going to be in such trouble when you finally meet someone you really like. I think it’s time for you and your mother to have a long talk about boys and then I’ll do the same or you’re going to have a broken heart.”
“I will, thanks Sofia.”
Mom and I had the talk a week later, but it went a little differently, after all I’m still a boy where it matters and even if I had surgery to change things, I still couldn’t get pregnant. The talk was more about feelings and knowing when to say no. I didn’t think it would matter, but it would when I finally went on a date.
“Mom, can I tell you something and not get mad at me?” I asked.
“I promise, sweetheart.”
“Remember when I went out with Kurt?”
“Yes of course, why?”
“Well, I kissed him.”
“I kind of figured you did, that’s what teens do on a date.”
“It didn’t do anything for me, feelings wise. It was just a wonderful kiss.”
“Why are you telling me this now?”
“Because I also kissed after I started my hormones and it was a different feeling and my body wanted so much more. Is that what you’re talking about, Mom?”
“That’s exactly what I’m talking about, and when you start to date you have to be even more careful that most girls. If your date doesn’t know about you, you could be killed. All I’m asking is that you be careful.”
“I will be.”
That was the first of many talks with Mom, and then with Sofia. She told me about when she lost her virginity and I was in tears when she told me the boy broke up with her after taking what he wanted from her. I was just a naíve, fifteen year old girl trying to find my way along a path traveled by women older than me. I wondered if Mark would have had the same concerns. I think maybe I would have, because my father had been raising me to be the kind of man that cared for others.
Lashes Chapter 20
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Chapter 20
At the end of two months my parents, Sofia and I sat down for a meeting to decide what to do about her guarding me. The threat was gone and as much as I loved Sofia, there were times I wanted to be alone or with Cindy, just the two Musketeers, like it used to be.
“Sofia, we’ve loved having you to protect our baby, but I’m not sure if we need your services anymore?” Mom asked.
“Normally I wouldn’t agree with you, but I think you’re right in this case. I think it was a fluke that Fountain picked Amanda to kidnap. If she was much better known it would make sense and as to why he picked her, we’ll never know. Fortunately for you, Amanda’s one of those celebrities that’s well known, but really doesn’t garner much attention other than in her ads. Now, if she was in the headlines all the time, I’d have to say you had better keep me on, but she’s not. She’s just a normal teen girl, living a normal life. Paparazzi don’t even follow her anymore. No, I think I should call my agency and request a new client. As much as I’ve come to love Amanda, almost like a sister, I think it’s time to move on,” Sofia replied.
“What about your heart throb?” I teased.
Sofia blushed before she answered.
“I’m sure Bob will understand. Just because I move doesn’t mean we have to break off what we have. It’ll just be a little more difficult.”
“What do you think, Amanda?” Mom asked.
“I’ll be okay. I can still punch the lights out of anyone that bothers me.”
“That you can little sister.”
It was then when Sofia called me her little sister, it hit me that Sofia was leaving. She knew my darkest secret and never let it bother her and had become my big sister. I went to her and took her in my arms and held her tight. Sofia is a girl who doesn’t like hugging and touchy feely, but this time she hugged me back. I felt a tear run from her eye and land on my shoulder. She was showing emotion that I had never seen before. I’d seen anger and happiness, even a few blushes, but never sadness before. My eyes were already damp and I’m sure her blouse was getting just as wet as mine.
“I love you Sofia,” I whispered.
“Honey, it’s been so long that I’ve felt this way for anyone, but you’ve found your way into my heart, little girl. I love you little sis, and don’t you forget it. If you don’t call me at least once a day to let me know you’re alright, I’ll have Bob come by and arrest you for scaring me, you hear?”
“I hear, but why do big sisters always pick on their little sisters like that?”
“Because we love you.”
Sofia stayed through the following week and then was sent on assignment in Paris. It was a tearful goodbye, but we knew it was best for Sofia. Even our big bad Sherriff’s Deputy had tears in his eyes. Bob and Sofia really had fallen for each other in a big time way. I wondered if love could overcome her travels and living in New York City, for them to have any kind of future? Time would tell.
My sixteenth birthday is fast approaching and we all know what that means? Well I know what it means, but apparently Mrs. Meyer has a different idea, surgery to complete my journey from boy to girl.
Sixteen is the time for a teen to finally get a license to drive, not have surgery to change one’s sex. I know there are a few girls who have had their surgery at sixteen, but I don’t want to be one of them. To be perfectly honest, when Gloria suggested the operation, I felt violated.
“Amanda, you’re going to turn sixteen in a few months and I’ve looked into having surgery to complete your journey to Amanda. You certainly have the money for the operation and there’s no reason for you to put it off until you’re eighteen,” she said, on one of the rare days I was able to spend time with Cindy.
My mouth fell open at what she said, even Cindy was shocked by her mother’s statement.
“Mom, how can you say such a thing?”
“I’m just trying to do what’s best for Amanda. If she has the operation, she will no longer worry about discovery. She could stand naked in Times Square and no one would ever guess she was anything other than a woman.”
‘’God, that’s so gross,” I said.
“What’s gross?”
“Standing naked in Time’s Square.”
“Amanda, that’s just a figure of speech, no one is suggesting that you really do that. All I’m doing is stating the obvious, can you truthfully tell me that you might want to return to being Mark, ever again?”
I lowered my eyes from Gloria’s, knowing she could see right through me if I didn’t state what she and Cindy already knew, I had become Amanda and as hard as I tried to think otherwise, I knew Mark had long been buried. Was discovery important enough to have the surgery so soon? What if I did change my mind after the operation, then what?
If I was to go ahead with the surgery I wouldn’t have to worry about a boy finding the wrong plumbing should his hand accidently touch the wrong thing? I’m not even dating, so what difference would it make? I know for sure the operation is in my future, but not now.
“Mrs. Meyer, I know you’re just looking out for my best interest, but I think I’ll wait until I’m eighteen.”
Gloria knew I was right with my decision, but her disappointment showed on her face. She’s a hard business woman and the possible discovery of my real sex could jeopardize a very nice income for her from my good fortune. Yes I wanted to be a real girl, my hormone treatments proved that, but I just wasn’t ready to rid myself of the last bit of Mark that I still clung to. After our conversation the subject was never brought up again.
Not a lot happened after the conversation, but I did pass my driving test and I now have a driver’s license and the sex square is marked with an F, just one more step toward becoming a woman.
Don’t get me wrong, I love being a girl and every little step pleases me more than you could know, its just that I worry that I’m making all the wrong decisions. Everything has been too easy for me and I’ve had pressure put on me to make decisions I might not have wanted to make at the time. My father’s accident and a new school are just two that I can think of. Both influenced the direction I have taken, but the longer I’ve remained a girl the more I find the road I’m traveling to be the one I want to continue on. My beauty and popularity have also had influences making transition easier for me. I hope I don’t sound conceited, but I know if I wasn’t as pretty as I am, well, I wouldn’t be a model and probably would still be a boy, so I’m very conflicted as to whether I really want to be a girl?
My lashes and beauty can be a very seductive force in ones life. Every twist in the road can bring consequences that can’t be undone.
It all started so innocently, just a dab of mascara on my lashes, on my mother’s pretty little boy. Discovery our little secret by my best friend, just a little thing with my mother that didn’t mean anything except when Cindy told her mother how pretty the boy down the street was. Wear these clothes and makeup, just a few times a month, no one is actually asking you to be a girl. Finally the words that sealed my fate, “Where’s my daughter?” Then came the new school and having to attend as a girl and live as one 24/7. I could do that because I was influenced by popularity and I liked the way Amanda was treated. I became the girl I portrayed, except I was still a boy and had a boy’s figure. I wanted to be just like the other girls as I now thought of myself as a girl and a girl’s puberty made sense. I wanted to really be a girl and so another turn in the road came and so did the hormones. Amanda was becoming a real girl and loving every minute of it. Sports, boys modeling, clothes, what more could a girl want? But I’m not really a girl, oh I look and act like one, but I know better and until that final turn in the road, I’ll still be a girl with the wrong plumbing.
I started my Junior year and drive to school, alone. Melisa graduated and Sofia has moved on. I miss the interaction we girls had riding to and from school. The only thing I do like is being able to drive the Beemer myself. I guess I’m becoming spoiled.
I won Homecoming Princess again and since I’m still not dating, Paul Raines was my escort to the dance. I kind of like Paul and hope he would like to maybe consider going on a real date.
I joined the cross country running team to keep in shape for soccer season. I did pretty well and our team won the league. I was the third fastest runner on the team. I made first team all star for soccer this year and some interest from colleges have come my way. I want to attend school on an academic scholarship, not an athletic one, so I’m not all that impressed with the attention, but it is flattering.
My modeling career has sky rocketed. I work less, but make more money. Mrs. Meyer negotiated my fees and like she said, “If they’re willing to pay, why not get the most you can while you’re able to.” Working less has given me more time to study and I’m carrying a 4.0 average and with my outside activities, Stanford is almost guaranteed.
Now I must tell you about Sofia. She and Bob have really fallen for each other big time. Bob asked her to move in with him and she accepted. She gave up her lease in New York City and is now living in Auburn with Bob. She visits every now and then and the relationship has agreed with her. She just shines when you see her. Bob is a really good man and I wouldn’t be all that surprised if he was to ask her to marry.
Relocating hasn’t been a problem because she can fly out of Sacramento and be anywhere in the world in 24 hours. Bob doesn’t like that her job is so dangerous, but he accepts that her work is part of her personality. She wouldn’t be Sofia without it.
Cindy has picked up more modeling assignments, which makes her mother pleased as punch. We still find time to share our most intimate thoughts and spend time together at our special tree in the meadow. Watching our birds nesting has become a very special part of our lives.
My senior year was pretty much the previous year. I won Home coming Queen and was escorted by Calvin Waters, the quarterback on the football team. The team almost won the league but fell short by one game, oh well.
I was first team all star again and have been offered a soccer scholarship to Pepperdine University. They’re one of the power houses in College soccer, but I have my heart set on Stanford.
Speaking of Stanford, I received my scholarship, academic, thank you. I’m to start school in September.
Not a lot happened during my senior year except that I finally decided to have the surgery. I knew I would never go back to being a boy again so it didn’t make sense to keep the last bit of Mark on my body. The operation would take place after graduation.
I decided I wanted the best and she was practicing near Stanford. I won’t take a bunch of time detailing the operation, except to say it isn’t a walk in the park. There was pain and getting to know my new fixture. Dilating isn’t fun and to be quite honest, I hate doing it, but it’s a chore that can’t be ignored. I can say though that I do look spectacular in a string bikini, which is something I couldn’t dream of wearing before the operation.
School started and I went whole hog into college life. I joined a sorority and loved living with the girls. They of course were not impressed with a model living with them. I joined the soccer team as a walk on and made first team. I love Stanford and the life I now live. I really don’t go on assignment anymore other than for Lush and several high-end designers. To be honest I don’t have time to model with studies and soccer. I love the parties and the rest that make college such a wonderful experience.
My father has pretty much gotten as far as he can with his therapy. He only uses one cane now and he takes me fishing every summer. We still clean the fish and Mom cooks them and I’ve come to realize that I don’t have to be a boy to have a special relationship with my father.
I mentioned that I wanted to become a doctor, an Orthopedic Surgeon to be exact and I fulfilled my dream. Ten years after entering college and serving an internship I was added as a resident to the Orthopedic Clinic at Stanford Hospital.
Thinking back, all I can say is that my life has been blessed. I made a ton of money when I was younger and achieved my dream of becoming a surgeon. There isn’t much I would have changed from the first time my mother put mascara on my lashes to my graduation from Stanford. I’ve become at peace with my change of gender and I’ve been dating a wonderful man for the last two years. We’re deeply in love and he knows my complete history so the gender change isn’t a problem, and what the heck, he stills tells all his male friends that he scored with the face of Lush Cosmetics. “Lucky boy,” I tease.
What the future will bring, only God knows the answer to that and all I can do is give thanks for being one of the luckiest girls in the world.
Little Men, Big Women
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Arecee
edited by Sephrena Miller
“God I hate this program,” I stated.
“It’s just Jerry Springer,” my wife responded.
“But they’re all freaks. Everyday it’s the same thing, girl beats up girl, or girl beats up boy. Of course they do change the script every now and then, so boy beats up boy, or beats up girl, how can you watch this shit?”
“Come on Bill, it’s fun.”
“It’s not fun, it’s sick. I wish we had another TV so at least I could watch something educational, like Ultimate Fighting,” I laughed.
“I don’t know how you can watch the stuff, it’s so violent.”
“And?” I asked, pointing at the TV and the violence taking place between two girls.
“This is different. We all know it’s all in fun, and it’s probably fake anyway.”
“It looks real,” I said, as the wig came flying off one of the girls.
“See,” she giggled. “This is a fight between a woman and a man who thinks he’s a woman, and guess who’s winning?”
“The freak?”
“No, the woman, and where did the accepting man I married go?”
“What do you mean by that? I don’t have a problem with different people, but that crap is over the top.”
“Bill, it’s just a TV program, lighten up a little.”
“I know it is, but why can’t they have regular people instead of the fat women and men with half their teeth missing?”
“It wouldn’t be any fun if it weren’t for those goofballs,” Tina giggled.
I shook my head and started to leave the room.
“Oh wait, I almost forgot, it’s Halloween next week and we have to start getting ready for our annual party,” Tina announced.
“Is it that time already? What treat do we have for a theme this year?” I asked.
Tina didn’t miss the sarcasm in my voice.
“This year’s a little different Bill, we get to wear regular clothes, no more itching fits like last year,” Tina giggled.
“Last year wasn’t funny, I had hives for a week,” I responded.
Last year? Oh that was a treat! Wait, I guess I’m getting ahead of myself, so let me explain.
I’m Bill Windom, and my wife is Tina. I work for a computer company in Woodland Hills as a programmer, and Tina works for an advertising agency in Sherman Oaks and is a vice president of something. It changes from week to week. Any way every year they have a costume party with a theme revolving around something of interest to one of their newest clients. Tina has worked for them for six years and every year we went to the party.
Her firm goes all out and the costumes are expected to be above average. They cannot under any circumstances, mock the clients.
The first year we went as sport figures, me as a football player, and Tina was an Olympic swimmer. We pulled it off pretty well, especially Tina. Tina has an athletic figure and was asked if she swam in college. I however didn’t fare as well. I did swim in college so my thin frame didn’t lend too well to the costume I was wearing, but it did get a few laughs.
The next year was food supplier time and we went as kitchen workers, chefs to be exact. We both had on the high white hats, white shirts, aprons, and the works. You have no idea of how many invites we had to parties; only they expected us to cook.
Year three was movie heartthrobs. Tina went as Angelina Jolie and I went as Clark Gable. I think that was the most fun of all the parties. I became Rhett Butler and Tina was Laura Croft. Tina was in one of her crazy moods and personally customized our nametags. Hers read Angelina, and she added, ‘sorry about the lips’. Tina doesn’t have Angelina lips, nor does she have her figure, or eyes, but she is a lot more fun than Angelina could ever be. To my tag she added, ‘ sorry about everything, but personally my dear I don’t give a damn’.
The fourth year was kind of a mish-mosh of nothing. I went as a car mechanic and Tina was a sexy secretary. It was pretty boring.
Last year was pure Hell. Their latest client was one of those save the earth groups. Tina has always been one to love people like that. She always has some crusade going on at any given moment. Save Tibet, Save Darfur, there’s always something to save. This group wanted to save every living thing on earth, except us. Well Tina thought her every wish had come true with this party. She decided we should save the sea otters.
We spent the month before having sea otter costumes made. They even used real imitation sea otter fur, complete with fake ocean smells. I felt like I was a furry kelp bed when I wore that costume. One thing we hadn’t counted on was that I was allergic to the smell. The evening started well but as it progressed I started to itch. Just a little at first, but after an hour, I started to swell with hives. I felt as though my skin was on fire and I had to remove the head to breath. Tina saw my face and she let out a gasp.
“Oh my God, Bill, what happened to your face?” she asked, obviously concerned.
“I don’t know. I itch like hell.”
“Your face is swollen. Did you eat something?”
“No, not yet. I haven’t even had anything to drink.”
“We’d better get you to the hospital, I’ll call a cab.”
Needless to say the hospital staff had a great laugh as two giant sea otters entered the emergency room. I was given some injections and was asked to remove my otter suit. The swelling went down and I was released to go home. I had to don my otter suit once more for the taxi ride home, but it came off the minute I walked through the door. Never again I told Tina, no more fur, ever, which brings us back to this year.
“This year will be fun, but a little different,” she said.
“Please don’t tell me you signed NASA to a contract,” I moaned. The thought of wearing a spacesuit all evening wasn’t my idea of fun.
“No silly, we haven’t signed anyone for a while, so we put our client list in a hat and Sally picked a piece of paper with one of our clients on it. She chose Transformation Boutique.”
“And what is Transformation Boutique?”
“It’s a company that specializes in making men into women.”
I could see where this was going, and I was sure as heck not going to get my thing cut off.
“Hold on Tina, last year was bad enough, but I don’t want to become a woman. I like standing to take a pee.”
“You silly goose. They don’t really make you into a woman, they just make you look like one.”
“What about you, what are you going to wear?”
“Men’s cloths. You see the theme is to reverse our sex roles. I’ll be the man, and you’ll be my wife,” she giggled.
“That’s ridiculous. You’ll look like one of those men on Springer, except with teeth, and I can’t even imagine how bad I’ll look.” I said.
“Honey, the whole office is going to do it, even Justin Weeks.”
“Justin’s going to do it?”
“He said it was going to be fun.”
Let me explain that Justin weighs 325 pounds and it’s on his five foot five frame.
“He’s sick. I can’t see where that will be fun.”
“Of course it will be. Can’t you just imagine a hunky guy like me trying to seduce a foxy girl like you?” Tina giggled.
“Good grief woman, you can seduce me now, and I won’t have to be wearing makeup,” I hinted.
Tina stood, all five-three of her and puffed her chest.
“Come here wench, we have business to take care of,” she giggled.
Needless to say the parties discussion was dropped and we were soon asleep in each other’s arms.
Morning came and Tina wasn’t going to let the previous nights fun keep her from her mission.
“Bill, seriously, we have to start on the costumes for the party.”
“I know, but how hard do we have to try?”
“Hard enough that you don’t look like a clown.”
“I might not look like a clown, but I’ll sure as heck look like a guy in a dress.”
“Don’t be so sure, Mr. Macho. You haven’t gained a pound since college, stick man. Actually you might turn out pretty good. You haven’t worked out for years, and muscle does turn to fat. You may be thin, but you’re not fit.”
“Which means?”
“It means that you have a shape that can be molded into that gorgeous woman you’ve always wanted to be,” Tina giggled.
“God, I’m joining a gym so no one will mistake me for a woman.”
“Not until after the party. This will be fun, Bill, but only if you make it that way.”
I knew I wouldn’t be wining this discussion so I relented.
“Okay Tina, I’ll try. Let me know what I have to do.”
“I will sweetheart, and this way you’ll have a better understanding of what I have to go through everyday to keep you interested in me.”
“I don’t have to understand baby. As long as you keep looking hot. I thank my lucky stars everyday,” I said as I twitched my eyebrows.
“You goofball. Give me a kiss or I’ll be late for work.”
I kissed Tina goodbye and went to get ready for work myself. I had this nagging feeling in my gut that this years party was going to be the worse ever.
I met with Carl Bloom in the coffee room at break time.
“So you have to go as a chick to the party?” he asked.
“Yeah, can you believe what a lame idea that is?”
“Oh I don’t know, you’ll probably be hot in an ugly sort of way,” he laughed.
“Fuck you Carl. Hey maybe something good can come from this?”
“Like what? Getting to feel yourself up?”
“Dude, you’re a perve. No, I’ll be able to get into one of those Lesbian nightclubs and score,” I laughed.
“And Tina will make sure that you’ll be a real lesbian too when she cuts off your balls.”
“Ouch, you do have a point, and beside I would never cheat on her.”
“You’d better not, or I’ll be knocking at your door.”
Did I mention Carl has always had a crush on Tina?
“Your wife would kill you if you did.”
“It would be worth it.”
“Death for sex, I doubt it. I am a little worried though about what might happen if I look femmy around here.”
“Do you seriously think anyone’s going to give a shit?”
“Uh, I guess not. It’s not like I’m going to be hitting on anyone, well maybe Trisha, but none of the guys,” I laughed.
“Shit, if I could get into Trisha’s pants, I’d buy half the mascara in LA.”
“Carl, Trisha could care less about makeup, unless it’s on her. The only reason you don’t hit on her is that Mel has exclusive rights to her. Touch her and you’ll be out the door. Being a boss has its privilege.
“Point well taken. Let me know how all this girly stuff goes, I have to get back to that project I’m working on.”
“I will, and don’t laugh.”
“Would I laugh at my best friend making a fool of himself? Not a chance! Yuk!Yuk!”
I arrived home and found Tina was already waiting for me, which is unusual. She always left first in the morning and arrived last at night. Brainstorming at the agency lasted for hours, which made me glad to be at the mundane job I had.
“Hi, honey,” I said as I entered the door.
“Hi sweetheart. Guess what? I went shopping for you,” she said proudly.
“I just bought some new jeans last weekend,” I responded.
“No silly, for the party.”
I had buried that thought as deeply as I could in the deepest recesses of my brain, but the love of my life wasn’t going to let it rest there for long.
“Why did you buy anything? Can’t I just borrow your stuff?”
“You’re kidding me, right? Bill, you and I are different sizes. You’re five-eight and a woman your height wears larger clothes, and I might add, you have no figure, until now,” she stated as she held up a waist cincher and something with pads that I knew was going to make my butt look larger.
“Where did you get that stuff?”
“I called Rita. Her sister works for Universal in makeup, so we have a leg up on this. She told me what to buy for starters so we could get measurements on your hot little body. After that all I have to do is call her with your sizes and she’ll do the rest. To quote you, ‘it’s a slam-dunk,” Tina giggled.
“Do I really have to wear all this stuff?”
“Honey, this is nothing. Just wait until the party. You’ll wear more and it will look like less, I can’t explain it, you’ll see. Now take off everything you have on so we can get started. Oh I almost forgot, here are your panties.”
Tina handed me a lacy bit of cloth, which I jumped back from. Panties like this felt good on Tina, but I had never held anything like that in my hand without them being on living flesh.
“Come on Bill, they don’t bite.”
“But, but.”
“No buts, just put them on, or the girdle will chafe your pajama python,” she giggled.
“I’ll wear my shorts.”
“No you won’t. You know the rules, either we do it right, or not at all.”
“Okay,” I grumbled, as I took the way too sexy cloth in my hand.
I removed all my clothes and slid the panties up my legs and tried to nestle my now excited penis in the fabric. Tine watched and couldn’t contain herself. She started giggling. I on the hand felt my cheeks turning red.
“Something you like little girl?” Tina asked, with a smirk.
“This is ridiculous Tina. How am I supposed to hide this, and its not right for me to get excited,” I complained.
“All of us girls enjoy sexy lingerie like this, sweetie. Don’t be embarrassed. Just be glad you have a wife that can take care of situations like this.”
Tina took me in her arms and felt my butt, well the panties that were around my butt.
“Mmm, now I know why you guys do this to us, you feel, umm, wonderful,” she said as she led me to the bedroom.
Fifteen minutes later it was back to the item at hand, namely me becoming a woman.
I slid my panties back up my legs and tucked the now flaccid thing between my legs. Next came the girdle. Tina hooked the waist cincher behind my back and pulled a tape measure from her sewing kit. She measured around my butt, then my waist and finally around my chest.
“My, my, aren’t we the hot little thing?” she laughed.
What do you mean by that?” I asked.
“Well your hips measure thirty-seven inches, with padding. Your waist is only twenty-eight inches and your chest is thirty-eight inches. You’re almost a ten and ten.”
“A what?”
“A ten and ten. You know ten inches bigger than your waist, the perfect figure. I’m jealous. The best I can do is eight inches, and that’s at my hips, you bitch,” Tina giggled.
I shook my head. This whole thing was getting stupid as far as I was concerned.
“Can I take this stuff off now?”
“Are you sure you want to? Remember what your panties did.”
“I’m sure. I certainly don’t need panties to make love to my wife.”
“Mmm, but it was so much fun.”
“What happened to that sweet innocent girl I married just six years ago?”
“She went to the same place that accepting man I married. I guess we’ve become two sex starved alienated bigots. It’s getting late and we should be getting to bed, ready?”
“Tina, it’s just nine o’clock.”
“Yep, and it’s time for us to talk about sexual relations between a woman and her other kind of woman.”
“You’ve been watching too much Springer, but I can’t refuse an invitation like that.”
Several days passed and it was only three days before the big party. Tina was home early again. I feared that was a bad omen, and I was right.
“You’re home early,” I said.
“I know. I talked to Rita’s sister and she asked us if we were serious about doing this right. I told her we were, so she asked me to have you get rid of all your hair below your eyebrows.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“I mean it’s time for your sparse growth to go. I stopped at the store and bought you enough hair remover for an army.”
“I can’t do that. What do you think the guys at work are going to say?”
“Why would they say anything? Do you plan on doing a striptease for them?” Tina giggled.
“Of course not, its just that, you know, guys don’t do that.”
“When’s the last time you saw a weight lifter? They all get rid of their hair. It makes them look better.”
“But I’m not a lifter.”
“So?”
“So? The reason I would be removing it is to look like a girl. Can’t I just be a hairy girl?”
“No you can’t be a hairy girl, you promised you would try, please?” Tina begged.
I’m a push over when she does that, so needless to say I was standing butt naked with out so much as baby fuzz a half of an hour later.
“Come here, sweetie. I have to put lotion on your body so your skin will stay moist. That remover raises heck with our skin.”
“Our skin?”
“You know what I mean, us girls, now lay down.”
I lay on the bed and Tina squeezed a dab of lotion on her hands and proceeded to rub it on my body. My skin had a completely different feel as she did. She could have breathed on it and I would have responded. It had gained a sensitivity that was, well, unnerving. I couldn’t believe how good it felt as Tina moisturized my skin. I had never felt anything as erotic as what she was doing to me. I wondered if women felt this way all the time? Tina finished my back and had me turn over. The results were even more startling as she continued to make my skin soft as a babies butt.
Tina finished and we had something else to take care of, my obviously excited member.
“My, my, does all this rubbing excite my little girl?”
“Well, duh.”
Tina removed her clothes ad crawled in bed beside me. She gasped as she rubbed against me.
“God Bill, you feel so, um, sexy. I think I could get used to you feeling like a woman.”
“Tina, this is a one time thing. After your party, Mr. Hair is coming back.”
“Pity,” she said, as she pulled me close and moaned.
Tina wore me out that night, and I have to admit that I did like the sensuous feelings I was having as Tina seduced me more times than I could remember.
The next day Tina was home early again, only this time she had brought Shelly, Rita’s sister with her.
“Hi Bill, this is Shelly. She’s the woman that’s going to make you into a starlet,” Tina said.
“Hi Shelly.”
“Hi Bill. I came home with Tina so we can have a dress rehearsal and to be sure everything fits.”
“Do we have too?”
“We don’t have to, but if you want this to succeed, we really need to alter the clothes and make sure everything is perfect.”
“Okay, I guess I can do that, for the sake of the party.”
“Good, let’s get started. Go remove all your clothes and put on these panties and the girdle and cincher you tried on the other day,” she said, as she handed me the garments that led to Tina’s and my love making session.
I did as Shelly asked and the results were the same.
“Tina, I need help,” I yelled out to my wife.
Tina came into our bedroom and giggled.
“We don’t have time for that right now, so push that thing between your legs and pull up your girdle. Don’t worry, that will take care of everything.”
I did as instructed, and it painfully did take care of my dilemma.
I joined Shelly for the rest of my big evening.
“I’m going to make you up first, and then we can work on your body. Sit here.”
Shelly had changed our kitchen table into a workstation for her to do her magic. She started by applying liquid over my whole face.
“We have to start with a blank canvas, Bill. Just relax, we’re going to have fun.”
Shelly worked on my face for an hour before she pronounced that she was done. She next helped me put on a bra and filled the cups with silicone breasts. This also made my girdle feel tight again. She helped me pull on a pair of sheer panty hose with just a hint of color, tan I think she said. She removed a dress from a garment bag and slipped it over my head and let it settle over my body. It had a collar that buttoned around my neck and then went down my chest and under my arms, leaving my back and shoulders uncovered. Even more unnerving was the fact that the dress stopped above mid thigh. The fabric was an electric blue satin. She opened a box and removed a pair of heels that matched the dress, all four and a half inches of them.
“These are sling back pumps. Don’t worry, you’ll get used to walking on stiletto heels, all us girls do. That dress is club wear and it looks good on you. I brought a real human hair wig and it will cover your back. You have pretty shoulders for a man and it would be a shame to cover them.”
I was pretty much in a state of shock by now and barely noticed as Shelly lowered the wig down on my head. She brushed if until it was exactly the way she wanted it. All the while I couldn’t help noticing my pretty legs staring back at me from beneath the dress. I was definitely going to have to work out to make them more manly.
“All done Bill, ready to see?” she asked.
If my legs were any indication of what was to come, I didn’t want anything to do with seeing anymore.
“I guess,” I answered timidly.
Shelly helped me to my feet and held on for dear life. She knew what was going to happen when those heels hit the floor.
“Oh shit,” I exclaimed as I teetered as if I would fall from a building.
“Easy girl, it takes a moment, there, now you’re getting your balance.”
How would she know if I was getting my balance? If she was to let go, her work of art would be lying on the floor. She was right though, I did finally balance enough to stand on my own, but walking would be another matter.
“Okay, Bill, now take a step. Place one foot in front of the other, and take short steps.”
That was a given, short steps. There was no way I could take big steps in these heels, even if I tried. I slowly navigated my way to the full-length mirror on Tina’s door. When I saw what Shelly had done, I knew I was in trouble. I would have jumped my bones if I weren’t already married. Shelly knew her business. Tina would have no worries about me mocking her client in this outfit. I just hoped I wouldn’t have trouble from any of the rest of the guys if I dressed like this.
“Uh, Shelly, isn’t this too much?” I asked, timidly.
“Goodness no, I just wanted to see if everything fit properly. I’ll have to take in the waist a little, but other than that, girl; you’re going to make a splash. Let’s see what Tina thinks. Tina, your woman is ready,” Shelly laughed.
Tina entered the room and she stopped.
“Holy smoke girlfriend, I’ll have the prettiest date at the party. My God Bill, you’re beautiful.”
“Um, thanks I guess.”
I had returned to admiring myself in the mirror. Looking like this was becoming intoxicating. As much as I hated to admit it, I liked the way I looked. I felt special, and I felt sexy. Now I knew why my wife went to the effort to make herself pretty, it felt nice.
“Okay good looking, time to change. I saw what I needed to see. I’ll be back Saturday in time to get you ready. Take this makeup remover, you’ll need it,” Shelly laughed.
Shelly removed my wig and dress. Tina helped with the shoes, and the makeup was left to me. I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I looked like a complete dork. Staring back was a beautiful feminine face, stuck on my skinny body and sporting my usual short haircut. I couldn’t remove that makeup fast enough. The only good part of the night was that Tina used and abused me again.
Saturday came and Shelly was at our house early, like hours before we had to go to the party.
“Bill, today you’re going to become a woman. This is going to be a special day for you. I’m giving you the works.”
“Shelly, all I’m doing is going to a party in a costume.”
“Not today you’re not. I want you to remember this day always, and not because you wore a costume. You’re going to enjoy this day like a woman would. I already told Tina what I wanted to do with you so she’s running the bath. Run along now, we don’t have all day.”
I went to the bathroom and saw what Shelly meant by having a woman’s day. The tub was filled with scented bubbles and Tina had lit candles and placed them around the tub. It was romantic and it was feminine, very feminine.
“Tina, why do I have to do this? I’ll just take a shower.”
“No you won’t. I want you to feel like a girl when we go out tonight. Being a woman is more than just putting on some clothes and I want you to experience it. Now get in the tub mister, and enjoy what all of us girls do.”
I did as ordered. I slid carefully into the bubbles and felt them caress my hairless body. They felt good. They were soft and much to my concern felt feminine. Tina brought me a glass of white wine, turned on some soft music and left the room. I was left in thought. I sipped the wine and washed my body with the soft lacy ball Tina had left with me. I lifted my leg from the tub and ran the soft ball up my calf and thigh. It looked like one of those commercials on TV, except I was the woman. An hour had past before Tina came to get me out of the tub. I was relaxed and it seemed as though I had only been in the water for minutes. Tina showed me how to dry myself. Pat, don’t rub. When I was dry I noticed that I now also smelled feminine.
“Wrap the towel around your body Bill. Shelly is going to give you a facial.”
I wrapped the towel the way I usually do, around my waist, but Tina stopped me.
“Not like that, around your chest too. You’re a lady today and a woman would never walk around with her boobs hanging out.”
“Tina, I have no boobs.”
“Today you do, now wrap yourself right, girlfriend.”
I wrapped my towel like Tina asked and went to see Shelly. She had me lay on my back and then she went to work on my face. I have no idea as to what she did, but when she finished my face felt different. It was soft.
“Now it’s nail time Bill.”
“Nail time?”
“Yes, It’s time to do your nails. A pretty girl never goes out without her nails being done.”
Shelly laid my hand on the table and explained to me that I needed acrylic extensions. No, I had no idea of what she as talking about. When she finished I did. Next came the color, a very sexy red. She didn’t want my feet to feel left out so they were done too.
“Now comes the hard part, Bill. Remember the other day when I had you try on the dress? Well I found out that your bra shows on your back, so I have to glue your breasts on. I also gave you a size larger because the dress didn’t hang quite right.”
“I thought they looked big already.”
“Good grief girl, they were just normal B breasts. These aren’t that much bigger. Wait, you’ll see when you put your dress on.”
Shelly had me lay on my back and she placed the silicone blobs on my chest. She made a few marks with an eyebrow pencil after she had adjusted them to where she thought they should be. She squirted some liquid on them and placed them carefully next to the marks she had made. Several minutes later she was done.
“Okay Bill you can sit up now.”
I rose to a sitting position and felt the weight on my chest.
“These are heavy,” I whined.
“We girls put up with this every day of our lives girlfriend, now it’s your turn,” she laughed.
I placed my hands under the breasts and lifted them. If I didn’t know better, my hands would have thought they were real. I turned toward the mirror and gasped. The breasts had nipples.
“Shelly, these have nipples. Couldn’t we just use some foam or something else?”
“I told you we were going to do this right. Bill, you’re going to have fun with this, just wait and see. Let’s get you dressed in something decent so I can start on your makeup.”
Shelly put a bra on me so at least my new friends were supported. I continued to wear a robe Tina had found for me.
Shelly went to work on my face. She did just about the same as the previous session except for the fake lashes she put on and trimmed.
“You need fuller lashes, and all those girls in the mascara ads wear them too. You’re going to be a knockout Bill.”
Shelly brushed and painted. Surprisingly, though, it didn’t take as long as the first time.
“That was quick,” I stated.
“That’s because I knew what I had to do. Now let’s get your wig on, so you can dress. I still have to make Tina into that man you’ve always wanted to bed,” Shelly laughed.
Shelly put some glue under the wig and placed it on my head. I noticed she had styled it slightly and it really looked nice.
“I glued this on for you. I don’t want it to accidentally fall off and ruin all the hard work I’ve done with you.”
Tina was waiting when I entered the bedroom to dress. She handed me the sexiest pair of panties I had ever seen.
“A present from me to you,” she said.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
They were satin and covered with lace. I touched them to my cheek to feel the softness.
“Do you like them?”
I blushed furiously. How was I going to admit to my wife that I loved them? This whole costume experience was getting out of hand.
“Yes. Why did you buy them for me?”
“I want this day to be special for you. I love you so much Bill, and what you’re doing for me is the nicest thing you’ve ever done. Lingerie like this is a very intimate experience for a woman to wear. It’s worn next to the most intimate part of your body. It’s not seen by anyone but you, but it feels so special. It’s your own personal experience, not to be shared with anyone but your lover, and then only for him to remove. I want this for you, my love.”
When Tina finished saying that, she had a glisten of a tear in her eye.
“I love you Tina,” I said, as I slid the panties up my legs and nestled them against my bottom. I was surprised that I didn’t become aroused. I felt something different. I felt like a woman who had just been given a very special gift, a gift from her love.
Now it was time to get to the hard work, slipping on the girdle. I huffed and puffed as the slid it up my legs. The stretchy garment and pads finally reached their destination. I needed help with the pantyhose, so Shelly rolled them on for me and helped me with my heels. Lastly she removed my bra and attached the waist cincher before she slid the dress over my head. She brushed my hair a bit and stood back. The smile on her face said everything.
“You’re beautiful.”
I turned toward the mirror, feeling my long hair caress the bare skin on my back and looked at Shelly’s masterpiece. She was right, I was beautiful. I was afraid my exposed shoulders would look manly, but they didn’t, they looked down right feminine. I was right about my legs too, I definitely have to work out, a man shouldn’t have legs like this. I raised my arm to touch my hair and even my underarms looked sexy.
“I, I, don’t know what to say Shelly,” I stammered.
“Don’t say anything. Just go enjoy being a pretty woman and enjoy your date with your boyfriend, which reminds me, I have to get her ready too.”
Shelly left to help Tina with her costume. My feelings were mixed about what Shelly had done with me. In one sense I was excited to be so attractive, and yet I felt perverted. I shouldn’t be enjoying this, but I was. I liked the way everything felt on my body; the way the dress hugged my fake shape and the weight of my breasts. I had truly been transformed into a woman.
I decided to practice walking in the impossibly high heels, so I walked from one room to the other. Tina saw me and smiled.
“Stand a little straighter and place on foot in front of the other, perfect, you’re a natural, Bill.”
“Thanks,” I replied.
Now my voice sounded funny to me, a woman shouldn’t sound the way I did.
“Shelly, is there something I can do with my voice?”
“There isn’t much you can do in a short amount of time. The best you can hope for is to speak a little higher and softer. Pretend you are singing as you talk.”
I did as she instructed and I did sound better, kind of like a girl with a bad cold.
Shelly finished with Tina, and much to my surprise she looked like a young man with soft features. I was going to be proud to have Tina as an escort.
“Oh Bill, just a few more things,” Shelly said.
She reached into a bag and took out some thin silver rings.
“You need jewelry.”
She placed ten rings around my right wrist and a watch on my left. A pair of clip on earrings finished my look.
Shelly smiled as Tina approached me.
“May I present Mr. Anthony Windom, and his lovely wife Ashley,” she said.
“Ashley?”
“Of course dear, we can’t have a beautiful woman like you being called Bill all night.”
“But Ashley? That’s such a feminine name.”
“And you’re a feminine woman. Enjoy it girlfriend. You’re an Ashley, no doubt about it. You two had better call a cab. The party starts in half of an hour and I want you to show off all my hard work.”
“Thank you Shelly, you’re a wonder,” Tina said.
“Oh Ashley, be careful with your dress. If anything was to happen to it, my head will roll.”
“I will be, thank you Shelly,” I said in my new feminine voice.
“You’re a very sweet girl Ashley,” Shelly said as she embraced me. “Be careful and don’t break your ankle wearing those shoes.”
Shelly did one more thing for me. She handed me a small clutch bag for my lipstick and cigarettes. Did I mention that I smoke every now and then?
“There, all done.”
Tina called for a taxi and one came fifteen minutes later. The driver couldn’t help but snicker as the short man and tall woman entered his cab. Tina held the door for me and helped me sit. She watched as I swung my legs inside. She went around the car and slid in next to me. Her arm went around my shoulder. It was a very masculine thing to do. The driver’s eyes hadn’t left the rear view mirror and the reflection of me in it. It was creeping me out having another man stare at me like that.
“Where are you two going?”
Tina gave him an address on Hollywood Blvd and he drove off. It took almost a half of an hour to reach our destination.
“Pull into the garage, the entrance is inside,” Tina ordered.
The driver smiled. There was no way he was going to mistake Tina for being a man with her voice. I assumed he must have thought we were two lesbians out for the evening, but it still didn’t deter him from constantly watching me in the mirror.
The driver stopped in front of the door to the club. Tina paid him and we exited the cab.
“You girls have a nice night,” he laughed.
Tina just glared. Me? I smiled, I guess I had just passed the test; I was now officially a woman.
We entered the club and I looked around. I wanted to laugh, but remembered that I too was one of the people in costume. Some of the guys were pathetic as were some of the wives. Others looked as though they had spent as much time as Tina and I on their costumes. It was a mixed bag, some men were pretty, and some not so. I think Tina and I did look better than anyone else so far.
Ralph Sanchez came walking over to us. Ralph is one of the vice presidents whose title doesn’t change every other week. Ralph looked as though he had spent a considerable amount of time dressing, but because of his build, he was, well you get the picture. He looked as much like a woman as Tina sounded like a man.
“Tina, is that you? This can’t be Bill?”
“It’s us Ralph,” Tina giggled.
“It’s a good thing Bill didn’t come alone, or I might have had to change my costume,” he laughed. “How did you do it?”
“Rita’s sister helped us. She did an amazing job on Bill, didn’t she?”
“If I didn’t know any better I would have thought your brought one of your girlfriends with you. Come on in Tina, and show off your beautiful wife,” he laughed.
There was an open bar so Tina escorted me to get a drink. Tina ordered a Cosmo for me and a beer for herself.
“Got to keep up appearances, Ashley,” she laughed.
I looked around the room and for once everyone was laughing and having a good time. Most other years the noise level was about half of what it was now, and most of what was being said was all in good fun. The comments were all pretty much the same, and closed with what a butt ugly woman a person was, or it was no wonder a man like that never married. The laughs were long and hard, except when it came to me. I thought it was creepy when the cab driver stared at me, but you have no idea of what it’s like when a man in drag is lusting for you. The good part was that it didn’t last long and everyone pretty much grew tired of the initial shock of seeing everyone dress as the opposite sex.
Dancing started and then I had my laughs. It looked as though I had returned to the eighth grade. All the women were tall and their partners were short. I still remembered those times and the first school dance I attended. I think there were maybe two or three guys that weren’t a full head shorter than their dance partner.
“What’s so funny?” Tina asked, as she felt me sides moving with my laughs.
“I was just remembering the eighth grade. Nothing’s changed, the girls are still taller than the boys.”
Tina started laughing too as she looked around.
“You’re right, I remember my first dance. I was as tall as I am now and poor Jimmy Carl was my partner. I had started developing the year before and his eyes were the same height as my breasts. He couldn’t stop staring at them. Now that I think back it was really funny.”
We danced several more dances and Tina refilled my cocktail. It was my third, and even though I had spread them out I was feeling loose and relaxed. I wasn’t self-conscious about being a woman anymore and was enjoying the moment. There is one thing bad about alcohol, it makes a smoker want to smoke. Unfortunately in California we have laws about smoking inside of a building, you can’t.
“Tina, I need a cigarette, I’ll be right back.”
“Don’t get lost and don’t fall in love with any of these mini-men if they hit on you,” she laughed as she took another mouthful of beer. Tina was obviously feeling her drinks more than me.
“Is there a place where I can smoke?” I asked the hostess.
“You can smoke in front of the building, or outside the emergency exit in the rear of the club,” she said.
“Thank you.”
There was no way I was going to walk out in front of the building on Hollywood Blvd to have a smoke, not dressed like this. I walked to the rear and found the door to the emergency exit. I pushed the bar and the door opened into an alley, which led to the street at the rear of the building. I opened the door all the way, but the closer wanted to pull it shut. I noticed a stone next to the wall where the door would hit and surmised that it was used to hold the door open when smokers were out here. I blocked the door with the stone and lit up my cigarette. It looked sexy between my painted nails. Everything I was doing this evening was feminine, even this.
There was a light across the alley mounted high on the exposed brick wall. It cast shadows that were, to be frank, rather scary. I walked across the alley and stood under the light, thinking that I would feel safer standing under the bright light.
I don’t know how much you know about Southern California this time of year, but this is when the famous Santa Anna winds kick up. They drive wild fires to burn thousands of acres in a single day. I hadn’t noticed any breeze when I opened the door until a gust took the door and pushed the stone out of the way, the result being that the door slammed shut before I could react. To make things worse there was no handle to unlock the door from the outside. I could hear the dance music coming from inside and wondered if anyone would hear my knock. I swore and threw the cigarette on the ground rubbing it out with the bottom of my heels.
I knocked on the door for several minutes and my greatest fears had been realized. I was locked out and no one could hear me. How in the world was I going to get back into the club? I knew I could walk around the block to the front and enter that way, but then everyone I didn’t want to see me, would. The alley was quiet and I thought I could wait until someone else came out to smoke. I looked around and noticed a pile of boxes pile against the wall at the end of the alley. A rat ran along the wall and into the boxes. I wanted to scream, wouldn’t any other girl, I asked myself?
‘Shit,” a voice yelled, as the pile of boxes erupted.
A homeless man jumped up after being startled by the rat. I wasn’t alone any longer and being near a man like this was something I didn’t want to happen. He had the usual facial hair stained by the cigarette butts he had picked from the street. His hair was matted against his head and half of his teeth were missing. He was wearing layers of clothing, and most were shredded.
“You okay honey? The rat didn’t scare you did it?” he asked, with his gravely voice.
“No, I’m fine,” I answered, in my hopefully feminine voice.
“What’s a pretty thing like you doing in here? You get lost?”
The man started to walk toward me. I could smell his beer laden breath and the stench of months without a bath.
“I have to go,” I said, as I started to back away from him and turned to walk from the alley.
“Don’t run off on account of me, sweetie,” he grumbled, as he walked at a quicker pace.
“Leave me alone,” I screeched, moving as quickly as my heels would allow.
I reached safety of the street behind the building. My plan not to be seen had failed and now I had no choice, I would have to walk around the block just to get back into the party.
I was shaking as I slowly walked from the alley entrance. The homeless man had stopped chasing me, but that didn’t quell the new feelings I had. I felt like a woman, and I felt vulnerable. I knew how provocatively dressed I was and to be honest, I would have pursued me in a heartbeat. What would the reactions be from other men on the street? Would I be safe to walk without incident? Now I had two things I had to take care of, build my muscles and quit smoking. Both had brought me to where I was at this moment. Why did Shelly have to do such a good job, and why did I have to look so feminine in the first place.
I gathered myself and quickened my pace. My heels were announcing my every step. There were a few people on this street, mainly someone that had found parking and was walking around the corner toward Hollywood Blvd. I felt every eye watching as I continued. Did they think I was a pretty girl, or did they see the man under all the makeup and clothes? Please, I begged myself, let it be the first. Let them see the girl I was portraying.
I rounded the corner and walked the short distance to Hollywood Blvd. Every step reminded me to thank my lucky stars that men didn’t wear heels like this. I turned onto the main street and was taken back by the amount of people. There were crowds everywhere. I gathered my courage and continued walking. I wasn’t getting any obscene remarks, but I was getting stares from men, those, and smiles. What should I do? My feelings of vulnerability were still there, but now I felt something else. I felt pretty and I felt proud. I stood straight and continued walking.
“I just fell I love,” the first guy said.
I couldn’t help myself; I smiled, not at him, but at the remark. It was so corny but it made me feel good to be having this effect on someone, although I wish it wasn’t a man.
“Hey,” I heard a girl shout, “You, come here.”
A very pretty girl was waving for me to come over to her. What was this all about, I wondered? Hopefully she wasn’t going to go off on me for being dressed this way.
“I need your help. One of our girlfriends was in an accident and she can’t make it here. I told the doorman that four of us girls wanted to get into the club and he said when she got here we could go in. Would you please go in with us, pretty please?” she begged.
“But, I’m trying to get back to another party,” I said, in my most feminine voice.
“You can leave as soon as we get in, and besides you’re so pretty the door guy won’t want to keep us out. How long have you been a girl?”
I felt my face go white under the makeup. How did she know?
“How did you know?”
“Your voice. You really are pretty. If you hadn’t spoken I would have never known. Will you help us?”
“I will, but please don’t say anything about me, okay?”
“Girlfriend, you’re one of us now, and we stick together. What’s your name?”
“Bi, oops, I mean Ashley.”
“Welcome to the other side Ashley. Girls this is Ashley. I’m Shauna, this is Mary, and Kayla.”
“Hi,” I whispered.
“Are you okay? Do you have a cold?” Kayla asked.
“Yeah, she has a cold,” Shauna said, as she poked me in the ribs. “Let’s go girls.”
Shauna led us to the door and we were waved inside after our hand was stamped. The music was so loud you could hardly hear. Shauna guided us to an empty table and we all sat.
“I have to go,” I said into her ear.
“Wait for just a minute, you’ll see why,” she responded.
Four drinks arrived at the table, all of them Cosmos. I guess everyone thinks all girls’ drink are chick drinks. Four guys soon followed them; eager to meet the women they had spent their hard earned money on.
“Let’s dance,” one shouted.
We were all pulled from our seats by the guys and led to the dance floor. My guy was taller than me even in my heels. The music was fast so there was no touching, but he kept looking at me, and smiling.
“What’s wrong?” I whispered, just loud enough for him to hear, and feminine enough for him to think I was what I appeared to be.
“Nothing,” he shouted. “I’m just thanking God that I found the prettiest girl in this place.”
I blushed when he said that. It felt good to have a compliment like that. I also knew I had to go, and if I stayed nothing good would come from it. Being a girl had become fun, but the deception wasn’t me.
“I have to go to the bathroom,” I mouthed to my partner, and held my hands over my dress pretending that I had to go really bad. He escorted me to the table and sat to wait for my return. I grabbed my purse and walked through the crowd in the general direction of the little girls room. When I reached it I kept walking past the door and out the entrance of the club.
“Do you have your stamp?” the doorman asked.
I nodded yes as I turned down the street in the direction of Tina’s party. It took only a few minutes and I finally returned to find a frantic Tina.
“Where have you been?” she asked. “We’ve been looking all over for you.”
“I got locked out.”
“I know, but when we opened the door, you were gone.”
“There was a man out there and he scared me, so I ran from the alley.”
“Why did it take so long to get back?”
“I went to another club with some girls, I’ll tell you about it later.”
“Come dance with me and then we’ll go,” Tina said, as she took my hand and led me to the floor.
It was a slow dance and as silly as it seemed, quite romantic. I tried to put my head on Tina’s shoulder, but there was no way I could get that far down, so we held each other tight. The dance ended and so did our evening. We could hardly wait to get home and Tina wanted to hear of my wild adventures away from the club.
“Tell me what happened after you got locked out of the club?” she asked, as soon as we walked through the door.
“You know I was locked out and then this homeless guy came after me. God I was so afraid. I ran from the alley and walked around the block to get here. As I was passing the club by the corner, a girl asked me to help her and her friends to get in the club. She knew right away I wasn’t a girl, but she didn’t care and so I helped her and her friends get in. A guy even bought me a drink,” I said proudly.
“A guy bought you a drink?” Tina asked, with obvious concern.
“He said I was the prettiest girl in the club.”
Tina didn’t say anything for a moment. She just looked at me.
“How did you feel when he said that?”
“Special.”
“Did you like it?”
“I don’t know. I liked the attention, but not the guy thing. It felt good to be admired and when he told me I was pretty, I felt something inside, like all the work to look this way wasn’t wasted.”
“Did you like being Ashley?”
“Not at first, but when I got used to it, I did, except for a few things.”
“Like what?”
“The feeling of vulnerability. It scared me. The way I look right now is like hanging a piece of chicken over a pit of alligators. The men were the alligators and I was the chicken.”
Tina smiled wistfully.
“Welcome to the club Ashley. What about the rest of it?”
“It’s hard for me to explain. There were moments I wouldn’t trade for the world. Looking at myself for the first time and seeing how pretty I was and watching the reaction from men, knowing that if I wanted they would have done anything I asked. I loved the femininity of all I felt after I realized everyone saw me as a woman. It was intoxicating. I felt different, soft and sexy, I loved this night Tina.”
“Would you want to do it again?” she asked, somewhat fearfully.
“No, I don’t think I would. My vulnerability never left me, not once. I like being a man. This was a one-time thing, and I learned more about myself and you that I could have in ten years. No Siree! I think we’ll stick to who we are and not who we could be. Now, are you going to make love to me, or do I have to find myself another man?”
“You’d better not Missy! You’re mine and don’t you forget it! Now get your butt in bed.”
Mialing
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This is the story of two people who meet, fall in love and then discover many things about each other that changes their perception of how life should be. I wrote this story from an idea I got from a headline in a newspaper and it could have really happened.
Mialing
By
Arecee
Mark Conrad walked into Bellagio casino to spend a little time gambling to relax on the first vacation he had in three years. He had decided to come to Las Vegas to play, knowing that what happens here stays here. Mark loved playing Blackjack and considered himself a good player. Mark was a single man knowing that if he were to marry, divorce would be just around the corner. Mark you see is an undercover agent for the FBI and had been working in Atlantic City trying to form a connection between gambling and the underworld of crime. Part of his cover was playing a gambler that lost big and had to become part of the syndicate to payoff his debt. His gig was to lose whenever he played at blackjack. Because of this he learned how to count cards and since he was on his own time he figured he would put counting to use, just a little so he would remain even while in Vegas.
Mark was an average looking man around five-eleven tall and of average build. In his profession, looking average had its advantages. You would tend to blend in to the surroundings making it easier to find what you were looking for.
Mark sauntered to the first one hundred dollar table he could find and sat at the end of the deal, the counting end. Mark removed ten one hundred dollar bills from his wallet and placed them on the table for the dealer to exchange for chips. Mark looked at the dealer and read her nametag. It read “Mialing” and then the place of origin, “Hong Kong.”
Mialing was a beautiful Chinese girl standing five foot six with long black hair falling to her waist. She had a trim figure, as is usually the case with Asian girls of Chinese extraction. Her most exquisite feature though was her eyes. Mialing’s eyes were rounder than most Chinese women suggesting some sort of mixed heritage in the past. Mark was drawn to her eyes falling into their depths like a lovesick puppy. Mialing returned Mark’s chips to him with light dancing off her red sculpted nails.
Mark placed a chip in front of him and began to play. Mark was dealt eighteen and the dealer hit twenty, one chip gone. Mark placed another chip in front of him, was dealt a nine and a jack, dealer was dealt fifteen and drew an eight, Mark got his chip back, he was even. Mark watched as Mialing dealt the cards, hand after hand for an hour until he realized that he had lost his first thousand dollars and that he had watched her eyes so intently that he forgot to count the cards. I have to concentrate he thought, as he laid another thousand on the table. Mialing on the other hand was doing what she did best, distracting male counters with her beauty, that’s why she dealt the hundred-dollar table. Mark started counting and was finally able to regain his losses and then some. Mark knew the score in these casinos, win too much and they kicked you out so he let himself drift back into the depths of Mialing’s eyes. This winning and then seduction continued for two more hours until it was almost time for Mialing to take her break. It was fifteen minutes before her break was to begin that Mark realized that he had seen eyes like this before.
“Tommy,” Mark said in a questioning way but more as a statement.
Mialing looked up and Mark saw a slight look of recognition and then a twitch of her fingers. Mialing continued dealing and then the last hand before her break looked at Mark and said, “Tommy died seven years ago.” And then left her station. Mialing walked directly through the gaming area and out the door that said “employees only.” When Mark had heard her reply it startled him, she knows who Tommy is, I have to talk to her again, he thought. Following her now would have been impossible because Mark would have had to circle the gaming tables and the distance was too great to catch her, he would have to wait for her to return. His eyes watched as she walked, his gaze transfixed on her perfect figure, hair flowing down to her trim waist, her hips curving seductively out to her perfectly shaped legs. Mialing was wearing standard dealer apparel, white long sleeve blouse, black knee length skirt, panty hose and black shoes with one-inch heels, but even in boring clothes like these she caused a commotion among the young men playing cards. Most couldn’t afford playing large hands so they had to observe Mialing from a distance. When she walked, Mialing carried herself in such a way that she let men know that she was unapproachable, she would only excite them in their dreams.
Mialing entered the employee lounge after retrieving her meal from her locker. Mialing had access to free food as an employee but preferred to eat the healthy food she made for herself at home. She opened the top of the plastic container and poked her fork into a piece of grilled chicken and raised it to her mouth. Mialing would usually socialize with some of the other female dealers when she ate, but this evening she sat alone deep in thought.
“Tommy,” she thought, now there’s a name I haven’t heard for years, as she stared dreamily at her food.
***
“Hurry, down this alley,” shouted Preston Teng, as the two boys raced down the street and turned into the alley in downtown Hong Kong. The boys turned their heads as they heard the sound of the police flute being blown as the officers chased them. The boys dodged among trashcans and old men that were sitting next to the doorways as they ran to escape the pursuing police.
“We can’t keep this up much longer or they will catch us,” yelled Wing Hop Wong as they turned another corner.
“Quick, hide under that trash pile under the stairs, I’ll lead them away,” yelled Preston, back to Wing.
Wing dove into the pile of thrash, thinking, how could I be so stupid to do this and now I have to dive into this disgusting smelly garbage, just because I wanted a thrill, dumb, really dumb. Wing watched as the police ran by, knowing they didn’t see him in their haste to catch Preston. Wing stayed covered with the smelly gunk for several minutes until he felt safe to leave his hiding place. Wing walked out of the dark shadows of the alley into the bright sunshine on the wide street lined with shops selling everything from apparel to zebra skins. This was Hong Kong before the Chinese government took over, the capitalist center of Asia.
Wing slowly walked home hoping that some of the smell from the garbage would dissipate into the air. He also wondered if Preston was able to elude capture.
Preston and Wing had been friends their whole life, living in apartments across the hall from each other. Preston was fifteen and Wing was fourteen years old. Wing’s father was a jeweler and sold mostly gold since he didn’t have the capital to enter the diamond market and was able to support his family in a way that they didn’t want for much but also couldn’t be too extravagant. Wing had a younger sister who was ten years old. Both children went to a British private school because the father wanted his children to be able to speak English when Hong Kong was turned over to the communists and his family would have to flee the country.
Preston’s father sold clothing as a wholesaler and did about as well as Wing’s father but didn’t want to leave Hong Kong after the take over so Preston went to a different school than Wing. Preston had a wild streak in him and tended to do things before he thought of the consequences, hence the police chase earlier in the day. Preston had grabbed an apple from a vendor in the square and ran. The man called to the police and the chase began with the result being that Wing smelled like death.
When Wing arrived at home Preston was waiting.
“Wow that was so much fun,” stated Preston.
“Maybe for you,” said Wing as he brushed some trash from his school uniform.
“The chase was the best, I was so excited when I lost the police, I love doing that, my heart beats with excitement for hours afterward,” said Preston.
“It just scared me, I’m going to take a shower and then we can practice our martial arts, no more of that stuff for me for a while,” Wing said as he entered his home.
Wing and Preston had been taking and practicing martial arts since Wing was six years old. Both boys were very good at hand to hand fighting and practiced for several hours each day, which begged to ask where did they find the time to steal apples? Preston was a slacker and now was drawing Wing into the thrill of crime. Wing’s first experience was just as an observer but felt the rush of adrenalin as he escaped the police, a rush that would soon become addicting.
Wing and Preston finished working out and Wing went to do his homework from school. Wing was sitting at the kitchen table working when his father came home from work.
“Ah, young Wing, how is my son today?”
“Fine father, why do you ask?”
“Because you smell like a garbage dump, did you have an accident today?”
Good grief, I took a shower how can he still smell the trash?
“I fell on the way home from school and took a shower when I got home, I’m surprised you can still smell the trash.”
“Evil smells can linger for a long time, be careful next time,” his father said.
“Yes father.”
The next day found Preston and Wing up to no good once again. This time Preston brought Wing to a large department store and talked him into stealing for the very first time.
“Watch how I do it,” said Preston as he took a video game and stuffed it in his pants.
Wing watched and copied his friend’s moves and placed a yoyo in his pocket. The boys left the store without so much as a notice from the guard. Wing’s heart was racing as they walked away from the store. Wing’s adrenaline was flowing until they were blocks away.
Wing was shaking as he said, “I was so afraid we would be caught.”
“I knew we wouldn’t, it’s easy, it was fun wasn’t it?”
“Yes, but I don’t feel right taking other people’s things.”
“I felt that way at first but it’s so much fun that now it doesn’t bother me, I just enjoy the rush.”
“I don’t know if we should do this anymore?”
“Just a few more times and if you don’t like it we’ll stop,” said Preston knowing that Wing wouldn’t stop after he got over feeling guilty.
The stealing continued and one day they stole from the wrong person. Preston and Wing were in a shop that had a large variety of goods. Things of every description were crammed into every corner of the shop. What Preston and Wing didn’t know was that this was a fencing operation run by one of the many criminal gangs in Hong Kong. The boys had gotten very good at manipulating goods onto their person but this store was run by criminals, much better than them. As they stepped outside and began to walk down the street they felt a hand on their shoulder.
“Where do you thieves think you’re going?” asked one of the men that had followed them from the store.
“What are you talking about?” asked Preston.
“Were talking about the things in your pockets,” responded the man. This man wasn’t your typical shopkeeper. He was stocky and had a shaved head. He also had gang tattoos on his arms, something that didn’t go unnoticed by Preston.
“We’re sorry, it won’t happen again,” said Preston in his most humble voice.
“We didn’t mean anything, please let us go,” begged Wing.
“Let you go, hah, not a chance, you’ve stolen from us now you owe us something in return, come with us,” said the other man. The second man was very thin and had red eyes, probably from smoking too much opium. The men pulled the boys back into the shop and closed the door. They turned the open sign around to say that they were closed and pushed the boys into a back room. Thin man looked at Wing and without warning hit him in the stomach. Wing doubled over in pain as his air left his lungs leaving him gasping for breath. The stocky one did the same to Preston with the same results. The boys were placed on a bench and the thin man started to talk.
“Do you boys know who we are?”
“No sir.”
“This store belongs to the Fong Chow Family Association. By stealing from us you have created a debt and you must work your debt off until you are free of that debt. If you refuse we will kill you, is that understood?”
“Yes sir,” the boys responded, voices shaking.
“Good, tomorrow you will come to this store and we will have something for you to do. Don’t tell anyone of this meeting or you will disappear.”
“I have school,” said Wing in his most sorry voice.
“Go to school and then come here, is that understood?”
“Yes sir.”
“What are your names? Tell us the truth because we will find out if you are lying.”
“I’m Preston Teng.”
“I’m Wing Hop Wong,” answered Wing.
“See you tomorrow boys,” said the thin man in the most menacing way.
Preston and Wing left the shop with their stomachs hurting from the encounter.
“What have we done?” asked Wing.
“We robbed the wrong place, maybe after tomorrow they will let us go.”
“I hope so.”
The next day the boys showed up as instructed.
“I see you boys came back, pity, I would liked to have shot you but the boss has another use for you, “ said the thin man, “We want you to take these packages to these addresses and leave them. The person there will give you a package to bring back here and that’s all you have to do. Tomorrow you will do the same thing and for the next month you will do it everyday. When you are done with the months work we might let you go. Here, now hurry.”
The boys took the packages and ran to the address they were given. They then returned with a corresponding package and were sent home. Wing and Preston were always sent to different addresses from each other so they were never together when they made the delivery. Wing had pretty much figured out that he was running heroin and bringing back cash in return and knew better than to look in the packages and figured that once this was over he would be free. He made a pact with himself never to steal again. Preston on the other hand wasn’t as wise and decided to look in the packages. When he saw the cash he decided that if he were to take just a little bit it wouldn’t be missed.
“Here’s my package Willie,” said Preston as he returned from his run. All the men in the organization had nicknames and the thin man was Willie. Wing returned from his run and handed over his package. The boys left the shop and were walking down the street when they heard Willie yell at them.
“Stop you two,” he yelled.
“Run,” said Preston to Wing.
“Why?”
“Never mind why, just run.”
The boys ran down the street and turned into the first alley they came to. Preston figured they had a better chance to outrun Willie in the alley. The boys ran for several blocks but hadn’t gained any distance on their pursuers. Preston was several steps ahead and to the left of Wing when Wing heard the shot ring out and saw Preston crumble in front of him. Wing tripped over Preston and fell into a trashcan. When he looked up Willie put the gun in his face and said, “Get up and follow me, hurry.”
Wing followed Willie into a doorway that led into a seedy hotel. Where was Willie taking him, he wondered? His best friend had just been shot and could be dead for all he knew but Wing knew better than to run or he would also be killed. As they progressed down the hallway Wing saw several girls running to and from the rooms, mostly clad in bras and panties. He knew what kind of place this was, a whorehouse. Willie finally reached an office door and entered with Wing in tow.
Seated at a desk was a well-dressed man in his forties. He was well groomed, wearing a tailored suit and his hair was obviously done at a salon. His name was Winston Chang and he was one of the bosses of the association.
“Boss, this is Wing, he is one of the boys that makes our deliveries for us. The other is dead. I just shot him because he was stealing from us, what do you want me to do with this one?”
“Was he stealing from us?”
“No.”
“Well Wing at least you were smart enough not to do that. You and your friend would have been done working for us next week but because of his stupidity he is dead and now you will have to become one of us. You witnessed something that could make trouble for us, so now you have a choice to make, become one of us or die, which will it be?”
“I’ll become one of you,” Wing answered in a shaking voice.
“That’s a very smart move young Wing. Our identity is very important to us and we don’t like anyone to know who we are. We don’t ever like to use a person’s real name in our organization so and we need to give you another name, I think I’ll call you Tommy. From now on you are Tommy Wong. You will continue school because a smart criminal is much more useful than a dumb one and your responsibilities here will increase. You will never question what we ask of you and in turn you will be compensated for your labors. As we see fit you will have access to the girls in the hotel and be given cash as needed, welcome to our organization Tommy.”
Wing was escorted out of the hotel by Willie and set free. Wing wasn’t free so to speak, for Wing would never really be free again.
***
Mialing finished her break and wandered back to the tables for her last shift. She walked with such elegance that she couldn’t help but attract attention. As usual the guy’s heads turned as she past. Mialing was used to this behavior from the men so it no longer bothered her, it was just part of the job as far as she was concerned. She found her table and waited for customers to deal too.
Mark had seen her return and finished his hand at the table where he was playing. An attractive girl had wandered over to his table to play. She was attracted to Mark and had hoped to have some kind of interaction.
“How’s your luck?” she asked.
“I guess okay, I’m ahead five hundred, how about you?”
“I’m down about two, my name’s Melody, and yours?”
“Mark, do you play blackjack a lot?”
“I play all the games, but mostly roulette, because it’s easy.”
“Yeah I guess but it’s all luck, at least with this game you can try to influence your luck.”
“I wouldn’t know how to do that,” she answered, “Would you show me?”
“It takes a little time to learn.”
“I have plenty of time,” she answered with a, if you teach me you’re going to get lucky tonight smile.
That was when Mialing walked to her table and Mark knew he had to talk to her again.
“I’m sorry but I have to talk to that dealer, maybe tomorrow night,” Mark said with sadness, knowing he was passing up a sure piece of ass. Tonight the brain in his head had won out over the other one, which in his case was rare.
Mark got up and walked to Mialing’s table and placed his chips on the table. He moved one into the betting area.
“Back to try your luck again?” she asked with her melodious voice. Mialing’s voice was as pretty as she was, like honey in the wind.
“Yes, I decided you were good luck for me and thought I would try again.”
Mark was the only player and his first hand he lost. Other players seated themselves at the table and made it easier for Mark to count the cards. The only thing that made it difficult was Mialing’s beauty. Mark watched the girl as the evening continued. Not only were her eyes beautiful beyond belief, her skin had an incredibly soft glow to it. She had soft full lips accented by the red lipstick and gloss she wore and her nose was straight, probably from the European influence in her heritage. Her hair shown with the light that came down from the ceiling and when she turned it flowed from side to side in a soft flowing mass. Mark was becoming mesmerized by this girl and knew he had to ask her out.
It was around three-thirty in the morning and Mialing’s shift ended at four. Mark knew he had to make his move. During this whole time Mialing had been watching Mark too, and wondered how he could have known Tommy. He didn’t look threatening in fact he looked kind of plain, not like the usual high rollers she got at her table. He was wearing a polo shirt and Docker pants, a regular wristwatch, and not the Rollex’s she was used to seeing. They’re conversation during the night had been the regular dealer, player sort of interaction, a little flirty but nothing serious. The table had gotten quiet with just one other player left, an older gentleman who probably had too much to drink by this time. One of the perks playing at a table like this was the free drinks provided to the players, and the man had taken advantage of that. Mark knew that if he were to count, booze and cards don’t mix so he kept to the soft drinks, something that wasn’t lost on Mialing. One thing she hated was a drunk, and a man that knew he didn’t have to drink to have fun wasn’t lost on her.
“Mialing, when your shift is over would you have breakfast with me?” asked Mark.
“I don’t usually do anything with clients of the casino and I would normally say no but you have me intrigued as to how you knew Tommy. Okay I’ll go with you, my shift ends in a half of an hour, I’ll meet you by the front entrance.”
“That’s great, I’ll meet you there. I have to cash in my chips first, I’ll be waiting.”
Mialing ended her shift and joined Mark. They walked to another casino and ordered breakfast. Mark couldn’t believe his luck to be here with this girl, she was so beautiful.
“Have you lived in Vegas for very long Mialing?”
“For around four years, I used to live in Reno before coming here. I went to dealer’s school there and then worked at Harrah’s for two years. I came here because everyone said the tips were better and they were right, I’ve done much better here. What do you do, Mark?”
“I work here and there, you know pick up work as I need it, it just depends on my luck.”
“I was watching you, you’re a very good card player, I know you were counting but since you didn’t try to make too much money I let you keep playing and besides I have to know how you knew Tommy?”
“Yes, Tommy, if I tell you that then you will know what I really do for a living. How did you know Tommy?” asked Mark.
“I met him years ago in Hong Kong and we became very close. There wasn’t anything that I didn’t know about him. Please tell me how you knew him, if you don’t I’m going to leave.”
Mark knew that wasn’t an idle threat and he didn’t want to lose this girl, she had made a lasting impression on him and losing her was the last thing he wanted.
“Okay, you win, I’m an agent for the FBI and I met him, well actually I saw him for the first time almost nine years ago when he turned states witness against the Tongs and family associations in Vancouver and San Francisco.”
“You never met him?”
“No, I just watched him through the one way mirror during interrogation. I was a junior officer at the time and was observing how to interrogate prisoners. I was struck by how handsome he was and trust me, I’m not gay, but it was startling how good looking he was. The thing that I noticed most though were his eyes, I had never seen eyes like that before, and when I saw you, it was as though I was looking in his eyes all over again.”
“I’ve been told that before. When I was in Hong Kong people would say the same thing, maybe we were related in the past,” giggled Mialing.
Her laugh cut right through Mark, God how can she be so sexy without even trying Mark wondered.
Their breakfast arrived and Mark watched as Mialing ate.
“What are you looking at?” Mialing asked.
“You, you have the prettiest eyes I’ve ever seen.” answered Mark.
Mialing had heard this line a hundred times a month and it just bounced off of her but now she was feeling warm, she was becoming flushed, she was blushing like a fourteen year old girl. Mark noticed the effect he was having on her and liked that he was.
“Thank you,” Mialing said softly, blushing all the more.
God what’s wrong with me she wondered, guys never effect me like this. Mialing had grown accustom to men hitting on her, movie stars, high rollers and low rollers, it was all in a days work. She never dated any of them. Mialing tended to stay home and keep to herself. She would go out with some of the girls from work and dance or see a show but never with a man alone, for some reason it wasn’t her thing. There were times she wondered if she was a lesbian because she preferred the company of women over men but they didn’t excite her sexually so maybe it wasn’t that, and then she would wonder if she was asexual because men didn’t excite her either. Now however Mark was making her feel different, she was beginning to feel excitement toward another person and she was becoming afraid.
“Are you alright?” asked Mark.
“Yes, I’m fine, let’s eat.”
Mialing’s stomach was doing flip-flops and she could barely swallow her food. She gave up eating her breakfast and pushed her plate away.
Mialing had to get her mind off what she was thinking, that she liked Mark much more than she wanted too admit.
“Tell me what you remember about Tommy?” she asked.
‘I remember him being interrogated for days on end. The things he told us were things I thought only happened in books. The things he did were scary, the killing and drugs and the ties to Hong Kong were amazing.”
“Can you tell me what you remember him telling you?”
“No I can’t, that’s classified information.”
“What happened to him next?”
“We put him in the witness protection program to give him a new identity. He was in the program for almost three months back in Colorado when someone made an attempt on his life. Apparently someone from the criminal organization had infiltrated the FBI and knew every move he and the bureau were making. The day it happened we found some bullet holes in the wall of his room and that he had gone missing. To this day no one knows where he went or if he is still alive.”
“Did they catch the assassin?”
“Yes, he had been with the FBI for three years and was shot while trying to escape. We found evidence on him that proved he was the one that tried to kill Tommy.”
“I’m glad you got him.”
“Has Tommy ever contacted you since the attempt on his life?”
“The day after and he told me what had happened. He told me that he would have to disappear and that he could trust no one as to where he might be, not even me”
“What did he tell you about the affair?”
“It will take much too much time to tell the story, I’m sorry, maybe some other time. I really should be going.”
“May I see you again?”
“If you would like.”
“May I take you to dinner?”
“When?”
“I’m in Vegas for two weeks so anytime you would like.”
“I have Wednesday and Thursday off so any day would be fine with me.”
“Wednesday, around Eight?”
“That works for me, I live at 24587 East Las Vegas Blvd. My name is on the mailbox, Mialing Lee, ring and I’ll buzz you in.”
“I’ll see you Wednesday Mialing Lee, wear something nice. The best restaurant in Vegas isn’t good enough for the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.”
Mialing felt it again she was becoming excited by this man and what was worse, she liked the feelings she was having.
Mialing arrived at home and couldn’t sleep. Why was this man having such an impression on me, she wondered. I’ve always been able to keep my feelings guarded, don’t get too close to a person, keep my distance, don’t get involved, but now this man, he excites me and I can’t wait until I see him again, I can’t get too close to him. I’ll go to dinner with him and tell him I can’t see him anymore, I don’t want to be hurt anymore.
***
Hurt, the feelings Tommy must have had when his best friend was killed. Hurt, when he had to hide the fact that he had seen his friend gunned down in front of him. Hurt, when he could do nothing about it. Hurt, when he attended the funeral for Preston and pretended he knew nothing about the killing. And the biggest hurt of all, becoming one of the gang that had killed his friend.
After that day Wing did his duty with the gang, becoming more like them. At first his duties were simple, deliver this drug to some address and bring back the money, dump this gun in the harbor and make sure nobody sees you when you do it, but as the months went by his chores became more intense. The gradual nature of the escalation of his duties helped to build a wall between him and his knowledge of right and wrong, so when he went on his first beating it no longer bothered him. Willie had decided it was time to step up Wing’s involvement in the association’s activities and brought him to make a collection on a bad debt.
Willie approached the man who owed the debt and asked for the money.
“I don’t have it, I will this afternoon,” responded the man.
“This afternoon will be too late,” said Willie.
“Please, just a few more hours?” asked the man, as the fear showed in his eyes.
“No, we want our money now.”
“But I don’t have it, please?” the man pleaded.
Willie hit the man in the stomach, which doubled him over and then struck him in the back of the neck making him fall to the ground.
Willie looked at Wing and said, “Kick him Tommy.”
“But he’s already down,” responded Wing.
“Teach him a lesson Tommy, do as your told,” said Willie, angrily.
Wing walked to the man and kicked him several times as he lay prone on the ground. Blood was running from the man’s nose and he was groaning in pain.
“Let this be a lesson to you, and if we don’t have our money by tomorrow we will kill you,” stated Willie as he and Tommy walked away.
Wing felt remorse for what he had done but as Tommy, he felt elated. He felt a strange kind of power he had never felt before, it was a rush being able to control a person and not having to worry about consequences, Tommy’s personality was winning over Wing’s.
Months became a year and Tommy became more casual about his role in the Tong. His final day of reckoning had arrived.
“Tommy, this man has been stealing from us and we want you to take care of it,” said Willie as he held a picture of a man for Tommy to see.
“What do you want me to do?”
“Kill him,” stated Willie as he handed Tommy a gun.
“I, I, I don’t know if I can,” said Tommy as the realization of what he was being asked to do hit him.
“You have no choice, we are as one. You are an arm on the body and you do as the brain asks you to do. If an arm is damaged you cut it off and discard it, do you understand?”
“Yes, I’ll do as I’m told.”
Tommy took the gun and left the hotel. He walked until he spotted the man in an alley nearby. Tommy quietly walked up behind the man and shot him in the back of the head. When the sound hit his ears time seemed to move as if in slow motion. Tommy watched as the man slowly crumbled to the street and watched as the last twitches of life left the man’s body and then watched as the man’s urine flowed from his pants onto the street. Blood trickled from his skull and bits of brain oozed from the hole in the front of his head. Tommy bolted from the alley and ran until he could run no more. He leaned over and vomited his guts out, he had killed another human being, he would never be the same again, the Tong owned him now and he could never back out of this kind of life again. When he returned to the Tong he was rewarded for killing the man by being given one of the girls in the hotel for the night.
Wing had never been with a girl before and it didn’t take long for her to seduce the boy. She knew all the right buttons to push with the lad and kept him aroused for most of the night.
“Oh Tommy, you so big,” the girl would say, and Tommy would cum.
“Oh Tommy, you so strong, you the best I ever have,” and Tommy would cum again.
“Tommy, one more time, please, I need you, yes, yes, that’s it, harder, push harder baby,” the whore would say and Tommy came for the last time that night. Tommy was on a high from the killing and then this, the sexual act, the proof that he was a man, Tommy felt like a king.
There would be other nights and with different girls in the brothel. They would look at his eyes and even as jaded as they were about sex they wanted the boy. Tommy learned about sex from the girls, and what a woman wanted from the sex act, and he learned the art of seduction, and the many of the other things he would use in Vancouver.
***
It was during this at time that Wing’s father was becoming worried about the eminent take over of the British colony. He decided to move his family to Vancouver, British Columbia. His business would be easy to move and why not, there was a large Chinese populace that lived there so arrangements were made and the move took place. It was best that Tommy left Hong Kong because of the killing and he would be a welcome addition to the Tong in Vancouver. Being trained in Hong Kong made Tommy a valuable addition in the new world and one that could report back to his bosses in Hong Kong, anything that might be amiss. If anything was found they knew they could count on Tommy to take care of the situation.
Wing entered high school and graduated a year later. During this time he had little to do with the Tong other than run errands and intimidate a few people. The main thing Tommy did for the Tong though was to seduce girls and turn them into prostitutes. He would date a girl and tell her how much he loved her and then when she would give it up he would make his move.
“God baby, that was so good,” he would say as he finished the love act. “Let’s do it again and I know a way to make it feel better.”
All the while he was talking to the girl, he was caressing her breasts and rubbing her pussy keeping her at a sexual high. He would place her hand on his erection making sure she would think of nothing but sex and the intense feelings she was having.
“Yes baby, anything, anything for you,” the girl would respond.
“Try this baby, it feels so good, trust me, there is nothing like it,” he would say as he continued to seduce them.
This was when Tommy made his move and injected them with heroin. The girls would grow sick and throw up but when they recovered Tommy would complete his seduction by bringing them to orgasm as he screwed them royally. This would be the last time he would do it with them because he didn’t like junkies. Tommy was able to recruit as many as ten girls before he moved to San Francisco.
Wing wanted to continue school in San Francisco and asked his father for permission to attend San Francisco State University. The Tong also thought it would be good for Tommy to attend school there. It would be a perfect diversion from his criminal activities in Vancouver. He could become an undercover thug for the family, an unsuspecting person to watch over the gang activities.
Wing entered school the following September and was enjoying his new freedom from home. His activities with the Tong were limited and he felt that he was leaving his criminal past behind. Because of the trust the gang had in Tommy he kept a significant amount of cash hidden in his studio apartment. He had cut out an access panel in the closet and kept the cash hidden there. Having the cash handy made it easy for him to make the deals he was asked to do occasionally.
Tommy was contacted by Winston Chang several months after moving to San Francisco, he was calling from Hong Kong.
“Hello Tommy, how are you enjoying school?” asked Winston.
“I like it a lot.”
“Good, good, I have a job for you to do for me, Tommy. There is a man in Chinatown that is trying to take over our businesses and I want you to take care of it for us. Go to the Tong in Waverly Place and you will get a gun from Jensen Louie. Take it to the address he gives you and take care of the problem for us.”
“I don’t think I can do that anymore. I don’t mind getting girls for us, but not killing, I can’t do it.”
“You did it once before and you must do it again, you must Tommy, you must do it this week.”
“I won’t do it.”
“You will do it or your family will be punished.”
“Please let me think about it,” Wing answered, with trepidation.
Wing’s sister Ginny was walking home from school with two of her friends when a van stopped next to the girls. Two men jumped out and grabbed Ginny and pulled her into the van and roared away. She was released, unhurt two hours later after being kidnapped by the five men and being told that Tommy had better do as asked or there would be worse things done to her.
Ginny’s family had no idea what or who the men were talking about. They called Wing and asked him if he knew of a Tommy or what it was they wanted.
“Wing, your sister was kidnapped by a gang and they said something about someone named Tommy, do you know what they are talking about?”
“Did you say Tommy?” asked Wing.
“Yes, who is he?” asked his father.
“Someone I met a long time ago, I’ll take care of this, don’t worry,” said Wing.
Tommy called Winston in Hong Kong.
“I’ll do as you ask,” said Tommy, “Please leave my family alone.”
“Good decision Tommy and consider what happened to your sister a warning as to what will happen next time you don’t do as you’re asked.”
“Yes Winston.”
Winston called Jensen Louie and he laid out the plan.
“Jensen, I explained to Tommy what would happen if he crossed us again, but I don’t like our members to disagree with me when asked to do a task. When Tommy finishes shooting Anthony Wong, kill him. It will look like retribution for Anthony’s death.”
“I have just the man, boss,” answered Jensen.
“Good, now get it done,” ordered Winston.
Winston called Johnny Chong into his office.
“Johnny, I have something for you to do. I want you to follow Tommy. When he kills Anthony and when he leaves the restaurant follow him and kill him. He’s become a liability to the family,” said Jensen.
“Okay boss, I’ll take care of it,” Johnny answered.
Tommy went to the Tong and got the gun and found the victim eating in a restaurant, walked in and shot him point blank in the face. He then turned and shot his bodyguards before running from the restaurant. As he was running he heard footsteps behind him but couldn’t look to see who it was. He ran up Washington Street and jumped on the front of a passing cable car and escaped. When he boarded the car he looked and saw a familiar looking figure board at the back of the car and recognized him to be Johnny Chong. Tommy knew Johnny was the person that did most of the hits for the Tong and wondered why he was following him and then he put two and two together, they wanted to eliminate him. Fear gripped his belly as the wheels of the cable car clacked up the Hyde Street line. Tommy flashed his fast pass card at the conductor so he could ride the car without paying cash. The conductor worked his way back to Johnny and when Johnny reached in his pocket for his faire Tommy jumped from the moving car and ran up Green Street. When Johnny looked up he saw that Tommy was gone from the side of the car. He immediately jumped off the car and ran back down Hyde to Green Street and saw Tommy running up the hill. Tommy had a hundred yard jump on Johnny and Tommy was a faster runner than Johnny would ever be so Johnny pulled his pistol and fired a round at Tommy. A shot at a moving target a hundred yards away with a pistol isn’t going to get the job done unless you are the luckiest shooter in the world. Tommy heard the bullet whiz by his ear and saw it graze off the concrete. He had done as asked and now they wanted to kill him. Tommy was angered by what had been done to his sister and now they were trying to kill him, he would get even with the Tong someway.
Tommy continued to run and finally lost Johnny in the maze of stairs that the hilly streets of San Francisco turn into.
Tommy still had the gun and decided that he would kill members of the Tong as retribution for kidnapping his sister and for his own self-preservation. His first target was Jensen Louie. He calmly walked into the Tong building and shot Jensen in the heart. What he didn’t know was that he had been seen doing this. Winston was notified of Tommy’s action against the association and a hit was put out against his family and against him. Tommy found out about the deaths of his father, mother, and sister from the news that night on television.
“Breaking news,” went the broadcast, “A Chinese family of three was slain today in Vancouver, British Columbia. It appeared to be a gang slaying as all parties were shot in the back of the head. There are no suspects in the shooting, live from Vancouver, Betsy Long.”
Tommy blinked, he knew they were talking about his family and he knew who was responsible for the tragedy and he also knew he was next. He went to the closet and grabbed the cash that was hidden there and put it in a fanny-pack, so he would have some cash while he was on the run. Tommy ran from his studio apartment into the street. He had to hide or die. He wouldn’t mind dieing right now because he knew he was responsible for his family’s deaths, but he wanted to get even first. Tommy had just rounded the corner when he saw a car speed up to his apartment building and two Chinese men jump out and run inside. Moments later they ran out and the car roared down the street. Tommy knew his days were numbered. He knew what he had to do if he was to survive.
***
Tommy found a phone book and looked under the listings for attorneys. He picked the first one he saw under the criminal listing. Tommy took his cell phone and was going to call the number, but decided against it, this phone might be tapped. He looked at the address in the book and saw that Robert Abram’s office was only three blocks away so he decided to walk.
Tommy found the office and entered.
“May I help you,” the receptionist asked.
“I need a lawyer,” responded Tommy.
“Have you been here before?”
“No.”
“I can probably schedule you for next week.”
“I have to see one now, my life depends on it.”
“Mr. Abrams is in trial right now, I can have one of the other attorneys see you.”
“I’ll take anyone,” said Tommy with urgency in his voice.
“I have two available, Mr. Lim or Mr. Jacks.”
“Mr. Jacks, I don’t even want Mr. Lim to see me.”
“I’ll call Mr. Jacks for you.”
Ron Jacks entered the reception area and greeted Tommy.
“Hello, I’m Ron Jacks, Melissa says that you need an attorney?”
“Yes, I’m Wing Hop Wong, some people call me Tommy.”
“What can I help you with Wing?”
“I want to turn state’s evidence against some very bad people. I want immunity and I want to go into the witness protection program.”
“This sounds serious, let’s go to my office.”
Ron led Tommy to his office to see what could be done. He had dealt with the FBI on several occasions and knew they didn’t protect just anyone, the person had to be at great risk.
“Okay Wing, tell me why you think you need protection?”
Ron was looking at Wing and wondered why a nicely dressed college student like this would need protection, maybe this was some kind of college prank.
“Before I tell you anything, I have to be sure you won’t tell anyone else, especially Mr. Lim.”
“Everything you tell me is privileged information and why wouldn’t you want me to share information with Mr. Lim, he’s one of our finest attorneys.”
“Because he’s Chinese, and right now I can’t trust anyone, especially a Chinese lawyer.”
“That doesn’t make sense, your Chinese.”
“After I tell you why I need you, you will understand.”
“Okay, let’s get started, do you mind if I record this?”
“I would rather you didn’t”
“Okay, I’ll just take notes then, now go ahead and tell me as much as you can.”
“I told you my name and how some people call me Tommy, well the way I got that name was from a criminal organization in Hong Kong. I’ve been a member for seven years. I’ve done many bad things for the organization, but I can give the FBI information that links the Tongs here with organized crime in Hong Kong. If they find out I’m here they will kill me. Mr. Lim might even be one of them, and that’s why I don’t want him to know about me. If I give the FBI the information, the Tongs will go to any length to kill me and that’s why I will need protection.”
“It sounds like you might have important information, but you are going to have to be more specific, I can’t go to them and say this kid has information and won’t talk until you protect him, it doesn’t work that way. What may seem important to you might mean nothing to them, so give me something to work with.”
“I started with the family association when I was fourteen and ran drugs for them. After that I started hurting people that didn’t pay what they owed to the family. I killed my first man when I was sixteen. My family moved to Vancouver and when I got there I was instructed to get girls and make them work for us as prostitutes. I moved to San Francisco to attend college and I did a few things for the Tong but nothing serious. I liked the freedom away from crime but my boss in Hong Kong had a different idea. Since I wasn’t known to any of the other Tongs in San Francisco or the police, they wanted me to kill a member of another Tong that was making trouble for us. I told my boss that I didn’t want to do this anymore so he taught me a lesson. He had my sister kidnapped as an example of what they could do if I refused. I went and got the gun from one of the Tong members and killed the man I was supposed to kill. I was angry for what they had done to my sister and found out that they also wanted to kill me, so I went back to the Tong and killed one of the members. The Vancouver Tong killed my family in retribution for what I had done and now they’re after me. The only way I can get back at them is to give all my information to the FBI, now do you understand why I need protection.”
What Wing had just told Ron Jacks shook him to the core. This innocent looking boy was an assassin and a cold hearted one at that.
“I’ll call the FBI right now.”
Ron called the FBI and made arraignments for Wing to see them. He told them they would need to protect the boy because he had information they would want. They told him to bring Wing right over. Ron drove his client from his office to the federal building and parked his car in the civic center garage. They walked the few blocks to the federal building. They looked at the department listings and found what they were looking for, the FBI.
Tommy and Ron past through the metal detectors and rode the elevator to the tenth floor and exited.
They walked into the suite and Ron asked, “Is there someone we can talk too?”
“About what?” The receptionist asked.
“Chinese gangs.”
“Just a minute, I’ll get someone for you.”
The woman called a number and a man appeared from a door to the side of the room.
“I’m agent Dixon, how may I help you?”
Agent Dixon looked at Tommy and thought he looked too much like a student. He must be one of those nuts that just wanted publicity, he can’t be a gang member.
“We have information for you about the Chinatown gangs.”
“And would you like us to have the news papers here when you give us that information?” asked Dixon in snide tone of voice.
“God no, I don’t want anyone to know I’m here, they’ll kill me when they find out, they already killed my family,” exclaimed Wing.
Agent Dixon looked at the boy and thought, this boy had to be delusional, he wasn’t the gang type.
“Where did they do this?”
“In Vancouver and they just tried to kill me, I need protection.”
“Come with me and I’ll check out your story.”
Agent Dixon led Tommy and Ron to an interrogation room and left them while he checked everything out.
“Hey Bob, I have some nut job in room three that say’s he has information on some Chinese gangs, what do you want to do with him?”
Bob was Bob Lew and he had been working with the gang task force in Chinatown for years and knew just about everything there was to know about the gangs.
“I’ll talk to him, he might know something, but I doubt it, but it doesn’t hurt to listen.”
Bob walked into the interrogation room and introduced himself.
“Hello, I’m Bob Lew,” he said as he extended his hand.
“I’m Wing Hop Wong, the gangs call me Tommy and this is my attorney Ron Jacks,” he answered as he shook Bob’s hand.
“Is this the boy you called about?” Bob asked Ron.
“Yes, and what he wants to tell you sounds credible.”
“Do you prefer Wing or Tommy?”
“You might as well call me Tommy because that’s who I am now.”
“You know Tommy, I work Chinatown all the time and have never seen you there before, what gang are you in?”
“Fong Chow.”
“Fong Chow? Did you know there was a murder at their building this morning?”
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry Bob, but I won’t allow you to question Tommy without providing immunity,” said Ron.
“Is the information really that important?”
“Yes, and I won’t allow him to be questioned without something in writing.”
“Alright, let me get something from legal and then we can proceed.”
Bob went down two floors to the attorney general’s office.
“I need some paper work providing immunity for some kid upstairs. I doubt he has much to say so giving it to him won’t amount to a hill off beans. He’s just some college student that thinks he has some important information about Chinatown. I’ve never seen him before so I think were safe as far as any prosecution is concerned.”
The attorney drew up the papers and had them delivered to Bob.
Bob returned to the interrogation room and handed the papers to Ron.
“Everything seems to be in order,” said Ron after he had read the papers, “What about the witness protection?”
“If what he tells me is true, we’ll want him to testify to a Grand Jury and we will have to protect him. I don’t want to sound too negative but I seriously doubt he will be able to tell us anything we don’t already know. Now Tommy, you said that you knew about the killing at Fong Chow, what can you tell me about it?”
“I’m the one that shot Jensen Louie.”
“You shot Jensen, we thought it was retribution for Anthony Wong’s killing.”
“No, I shot Anthony too.”
“You shot Anthony, why would you shoot Jensen too?”
“To get back at the Tong.”
“What did they do to you?”
“It’s not what they did to me, they kidnapped my sister as punishment for questioning an order and then tried to kill me.”
“Who gave the order?”
“Winston Chang.”
“Who’s Winston Chang?”
“He’s one of the bosses of the Family Organization and Fong Chow gang.”
“I’ve never heard of him.”
“That’s because he lives in Hong Kong and never comes to America. He does everything by phone.”
“I can see this is going to take quite a while to finish. Its almost quitting time so we’re going to put you up in a safe house for tonight, don’t worry Tommy, you’ll be protected. You were smart to ask for immunity, Tommy, or you would be facing murder charges right now, even though the men you killed were scum, they were human beings.”
Bob called for several agents to take Tommy to the safe house and instructed them to be aware, Tommy was a sure target from the Tongs.
The safe house, if one were to call it that, was really a hotel room with no access to it other than the door, which made it easy to guard. Tommy removed his fanny-pack and clothes, washed his face and went to bed. He tried to sleep but the events of the day prohibited that, so he tossed and turned all night. He was also worried that the men guarding him might kill him, Tommy trusted no one.
Tommy was returned to the Federal Building the next morning and brought to a larger interrogation room. This room had a one-way mirror and a camera to record the interrogation session. Bob Lew had checked Tommy’s story and found that what he had told him was true, Tommy had indeed told the truth and was a very evil person. Because of this Bob had called several agents to watch the interrogation of Tommy and to learn that you can’t judge a book by its cover, so to speak. To look at Tommy, you would expect him to be a handsome, well-dressed college student, but in reality he was a cold-blooded killer. The men observing the meeting were, Stan Wilson, Martin West, and Mark Conrad.
“So this is the big time gangster,” said Stan, “You wouldn’t know it by looking at him.”
“They said that he killed those two guys in Chinatown, he must be one mean son of a bitch, both of them were gangsters,” responded Martin. “I’ve questioned dozens of guys for murder and most at least looked the part, but this guy is too handsome, there’s something weird here.”
Stan had been with the FBI for eleven years and was working his way into the crime task force and wanted to see how easy it was to deceive people by ones looks. Martin was the mentor of the group, having been an agent for thirty years and was only five years from retirement. He could have retired already except the lure of excitement kept him on the job. Mark was what would be termed as a newby, a rookie, and because of his boyish looks one that could infiltrate high schools to study drug trafficking.
“Mark, I want you to watch this carefully and learn what to watch for when you meet someone you have suspicions about. There will always be something to tip them off to you, is there anything different that you can see about this boy?”
“No, not really.”
“You know what the kids look like that go to state don’t you?”
“Yes.”
“What’s different about this boy?”
“The way he’s dressed?”
“That’s right, he’s too clean looking, almost like a model, student’s don’t dress like that, he’s too perfect, oh here’s Bob.”
Bob entered the interrogation room and greeted Tommy.
“Good Morning Tommy, I trust you slept well?” asked Bob.
“No, not really, it’s very difficult to sleep when you know you’re being hunted.”
“Well hopefully we’ll be able to take care of that for you, now let’s get started. I’m sure you noticed the mirror, there are some men behind it that will be watching us while I question you and we are recording everything we will be talking about and by law I have to inform you of that, do you understand what I just told you?”
“Yes.”
“Let’s get started then, I think I’ll work backward from when you came to us, make the clock run backward so to speak. You came to us because you were being hunted?”
“Yes.”
“By whom?”
“By the Fong Chow Tong.”
“And you were a member of that group?”
“Yes.”
“What were your duties?”
“What ever they asked me to do.”
“What was the last thing they asked of you?”
“To kill a rival Tong member.”
“And did you do that?”
“Yes, in a restaurant on Washington Street. I shot his bodyguards too. I don’t know if they died, I just wanted to get away.”
“You’re lucky, no they didn’t die. They’re wounds were pretty bad but they will survive. Why did you kill him?”
“I had too, if I didn’t the Tong would have killed my family.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because when I refused the first time they kidnapped my sister and told me if I refused worse things would happen to her.”
“I don’t recall hearing anything about that around here, where did that happen?”
“In Vancouver.”
“In Vancouver, are you telling me that they have the same gang in Vancouver?”
“The gang is all over, here, Vancouver, New York, Hong Kong, anywhere there are Chinese people.
“And you know this for a fact?”
“Yes, I was a member for seven years.”
“How do know there is a connection between these Tongs?”
“From conversations and knowing the people in charge.”
“Who’s in charge?”
“The only man I ever met was Winston Chang. I met him when I lived in Hong Kong and he gave me orders when I came here. The leaders of the Tongs in the other cities answered to him, he has great power. I know there are other leaders but I never met them, but they all live in Hong Kong. I think the way it works is that Winston runs the Tongs here and the other leaders run the ones in Europe and in Asia, kind of like a committee.”
“How many times did you see Winston Chang?”
“Only once, when they killed my best friend.”
“Where did that happen?”
“In Hong Kong.”
“Let’s get back to what you did here. Why did you kill Jensen Louie?”
“To get back at the Tong for kidnapping my sister. I was angry so I shot Jensen in anger. I shouldn’t have done that because they killed my family in retribution for what I had done and were going to kill me too if I hadn’t come here. It sent a lesson to all the members that you didn’t cross them or more than just you were in trouble.”
“How did you know there was a connection between here and let’s say New York?”
“Because when I was living in Vancouver, I was in the office of Larry Leong. He is the head of the Vancouver Tong. He was talking to me when his phone rang. He answered it and referred to the other person as Carlton. I already knew Carlton was the head of the New York Tong and Larry told him that Winston had called and was very angry because Carlton had expanded his operation into Brooklyn. He said that could bring the police to us and he didn’t want that or a gang war with the black gangs and to just stay to ourselves.”
“Then what happened?”
“Larry became heated with the conversation, apparently Carlton didn’t want to listen to Larry because they were equals in the organization so he told Carlton he would have to deal with Winston regarding the matter. Larry slammed the phone down and swore, he was really pissed off. “Winston told me to relay the message to Carlton and he doesn’t want to listen, I’ll bet Winston replaces him after this,” he said. After that Larry was pretty open with me and we built a trust with each other. Most times he would have me leave his office when Winston called but after that he let me stay in the room during his conversations. One time Winston called and told Larry to have a certain individual killed as a lesson to other members of the Tong and it was done.”
“Tell us more about what you did in San Francisco.”
“I really didn’t do much here other than distribute drugs and attend school. It wasn’t until I was ordered to kill Anthony that I became more visible and that Winston started to call me directly.”
“How did you feel about that?”
“I didn’t like it because I was able to lie low and not be too involved in the daily operation of the gang. When Winston called me and asked me to shoot Anthony, I knew that meant that I was going to have to be more active in the Tong and I didn’t want that, I wanted out of this kind of life.”
“Tell us what you did in Vancouver?”
“I would run drugs and seduce girls into prostitution.”
“How did you do that?”
“I would take them to bed and after getting them ready to orgasm I would inject them with heroin and then would get them off. The high from the drugs and sex made it easy. They were hooked on the heroin and had to work for us to get high, it was simple.”
“Where did you get the drugs?”
“From the family. Winston had the girls in Hong Kong teach me how to do what I did and when I came to Vancouver that’s what I did.”
“Did you kill anyone in Vancouver?”
“No. Just in Hong Kong and San Francisco.”
“So let me get this straight, Winston called all the shots and directed his people in the various cities to comply?”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“Who controlled Winston?”
“I don’t know but I think it might have been someone in the government.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because the family association was never busted for anything. It was obvious that we were behind many of the dealings and yet nothing ever happened to us.”
“What government?”
“I have no idea, it’s just a feeling I had.”
“Can you connect the dots better than you have already?”
“Give me a piece of paper and I’ll make a tree of the organization as I know it, you know with Winston at the top and then go down as responsibility does.”
Bob Lew handed Tommy a piece of graph paper and watched as Tommy drew lines and entered names at intersections. When he had finished there were over a hundred names on the paper.
“This is pretty impressive Tommy, are you sure these are all members of the Tong?”
“As many as I could remember.”
“Most of the names are from Hong Kong and Vancouver, but there are still at least twenty-five from here. I’m going to forward this information to the Canadian Mounted Police and the authorities in Hong Kong, I’m impressed Tommy.”
“Thank you, now do I get a new identity?” asked Tommy.
“You bet you do, we need to talk some more tomorrow and then we will bring you back to Colorado and give you a new life.”
Tommy returned the following day and corroborated his testimony and then was on a private plane to his new life
***
Mialing worked her Tuesday shift and kept thinking about her date with Mark. Why am I doing this, I should never have accepted the invitation I’m so stupid, but he makes me feel good, oh I’m so frustrated.
Wednesday found Mialing at the mall trying to find a dress. It has to be perfect she thought. Mialing tried on ten different dresses until she found the one she wanted. It was a little black dress except the back was cut below her waist and was held together with four strings that went across the back so the dress would hold its shape. The front was cut low enough to allow her cleavage to show to the bottom of her breasts. The hem stopped three inches above her knees. Mialing then found black sandals with four-inch heels to go with the dress. After that she had her nails done in her favorite color, red. While at the salon she had her hair trimmed of split ends, and then it was washed and dried.
Mialing then went home to bathe and dress for her date with Mark.
Mialing drew her bath, adding bubble solution to the water. She disrobed, wrapped her hair in a towel and stepped into the bubbly liquid. She took the sponge in her hand and rubbed it over her body. Mialing had learned years ago that a soft sponge was the best way to clean ones body with out being harsh to the skin. As the soft sponge moved over her breasts her nipples became hard and as she rubbed them she became aroused. Her mind drifted to Mark and his cute smile, his funny personality and his puppy dog eyes when he watched her. She barely knew this man and yet he was having an impact on her, she didn’t want to become involved, she wanted no strings of attachment and yet he was awakening new feelings in her and she was confused, she didn’t know how she should react to what was happening to her. The more she thought of Mark and the more she rubbed her breasts, the more inflamed she was becoming until she shuttered with the orgasm that coursed through her body. Mialing sighed as she gathered her thoughts. She reached for her razor and daintily shaved her legs and underarms and then she exited the tub. She felt alive after her bath and the sexual relief that had occurred in the tub. When she had pleasured herself in the past she would normally just think of the intense feelings that were occurring, but this time she had fantasized about a man while she did it, was she having feelings for this man?
Mialing finished drying off and sat at her table to apply her makeup. When Mialing worked at the casino she wore minimal makeup, a little eyeliner, some mascara, and lipstick but tonight she wanted to make an impression so she went all out. She had beautiful eyes to start with but when she was done putting on three different shadows, lining her eyes and three layers of mascara, they shown like jewels. Lastly she lined her lips, added lipstick and then gloss to make them shine, and finally a little blush on her cheeks. If this doesn’t impress Mark, nothing will, Mialing giggled to herself.
Mialimg rolled the sheer nude panty hose carefully up her smooth shapely legs and then lowered her dress down over her head. She cupped her breasts into the supports that were sewn into the dress and pulled the satin fabric so it wouldn’t wrinkle. Last came her sandals, which she slipped her feet into and buckled the ankle strap, being careful not to chip a nail. Mialing rose and looked at her reflection in the mirror and pulled the fabric tight over her breasts. The dress was spectacular, starting three inches above her knees and tightly following her curves up to her breasts where it opened and followed the curve of her breasts and then over her shoulders and down her back to just below her waist. The only thing that held it together were four dainty black straps that went across her lightly tanned back. She brushed her hair until it the light reflected off of it and let it fall softly to her waist allowing just the barest amount of skin to show below it. Mialing was perched on four-inch heels and looked like the goddess she was. She turned and found a lacy black wrap to put over her shoulders when it was time to leave with Mark.
It wasn’t long before her intercom buzzed and it was Mark so she buzzed him in.
Mark knocked on her door when he reached her apartment, He could hear her heels clicking on the Pergo flooring as she walked to open the door.
Mialing opened the door and said, “Hi.”
Mark was standing with a dozen long stem roses in his hand and opened his mouth to greet her back but nothing came out, Mark was speechless. Never in his life had he seen anything as beautiful as the vision that greeted him at the door.
“Cat got your tongue?” giggled Mialing.
“Uhh, uhh, no, hi, I brought these for you,” stammered Mark as he handed the roses to Mialing.
“Oh, they’re beautiful, thank you, come in, let me put them in a vase and then we can go.”
“My God Mialing, you look beautiful.”
“Thank you, you look pretty good yourself.”
“Mark was wearing a dark gray Armani suit. It was obvious that he had is hair cut earlier in the day and was trying to impress Mialing and he was doing a pretty good job of it. Mialing found a vase, filled it with water, trimmed the roses and placed them in the vase. She carried them out and placed the vase on her coffee table.
“These roses are beautiful, you shouldn’t have bought them,” said Mialing.
“Its the least I could do for a woman as pretty as you.”
Mialing grabbed her wrap and said, “Ready?”
“If you are, let’s go.”
Mialing locked her door and the couple walked to the limo Mark had rented for the evening. The driver opened the rear door of the Lincoln Town Car for them to enter. Mark held Mialing’s hand to help her in. She lowered herself onto the seat and swung her legs into the vehicle. God what beautiful legs Mark thought as watched her move them into the car. Mark walked to the other side of the car and entered. The driver then drove them to the restaurant.
Mark escorted Mialing into the restaurant where they were seated by the host. The host held Mialing’s chair for her and then opened her napkin and put it on her lap.
“Your waiter will be right with you,” he said as he turned and walked away.
“May I get you something to drink?” asked the waiter when he approached the table.
“Mialing, would you like something?” asked Mark.
“Just a glass of water, please,” she responded. Mialing had never acquired a taste for alcohol and pretty much just drank water.
“I’d like an iced tea,” responded Mark. No sense drinking alcohol if my date isn’t, the smell can be a real turn off for the other person and Mark didn’t want to make any mistakes with his date.
The waiter presented the menu and left to get the drinks.
“What would you like,” asked Mark?
“Mmm, it all looks so good, I think I’ll have the seared ahi tuna.”
The waiter returned and placed the drinks in front of Mialing and Mark.
“May I take your orders?” he asked.
“The lady will have the tuna and I’d like the rib steak, rare please.”
“Very good sir, would you like an appetizer to start?”
“Mialing would you like something?”
“Would you share the hearts of palm with me?”
“Sure, we would like the hearts of palm and two plates please.”
“Thank you sir.”
Mialing liked the way Mark was treating her, with respect and wanted to know more about this man.
“So, Mark, were you raised around here?”
“No, I was born and raised in San Francisco. My father was a cop and I kind of followed him into the field except I think I watched too many movies and wanted excitement so I joined the FBI.”
“And did you find your excitement there?”
“At times, especially when I go undercover, but most of the time it’s just a lot of paperwork and sitting around.”
“Don’t you worry that you might get hurt?” Mialing asked.
“No, you really don’t think about it, I guess if I did I wouldn’t do it.”
“Undercover seems awfully dangerous.”
“It can be, but what about you, don’t you get bored dealing all the time?”
“You get used to it, it can be fun and you do meet interesting people, see I met you,” flirted Mialing as she giggled.
“Tell me more about you, where were you raised?”
“In Hong Kong, I went to an all girl’s Catholic school. My parents sent me there to learn English and that’s why I have a slight British accent.”
“I think it’s lovely, what else did you do?”
“I was on the basketball team. I thought I was tall, but there were three girls taller than me on the team. One girl was over six feet tall, she was English and when we played I envied her so, but when I finished school I was glad I didn’t grow anymore than I did, even now I feel tall for a girl.”
“You’re not that tall.” Mark exclaimed.
“A girl my height in the orient is tall, I can’t wear heels when I’m with most of the men because they aren’t much taller than me.”
“I guess it’s a good thing you moved here then, with American men you can keep the shoe stores in business,” laughed Mark.
“Silly,” giggled Mialing.
The waiter brought them their hearts of palm and split the order onto their plates and left.
“Mmm, this tastes good,” said Mialing.
“It tastes very similar to artichokes,” answered Mark.
“Did you like playing basketball?” asked Mark.
“I loved it and being part of a team was special, did you play sports in school?” asked Mialing.
“I ran cross country in the fall and played baseball in the spring. I was the second baseman for good old Lincoln High School.”
“Were you good?”
“Of course, at least my parents thought I was but if I was really good I would have played professionally but the scouts came to see two player on our team and I wasn’t one of them. I think parents think their children are better than they really are. What about you, were you good?”
“I could shoot pretty well and our team won the championship but no I really wasn’t that good. Maybe for Hong Kong but if I had gone to school here, I would have been on the second team.”
The waiter cleared their plates and brought the main course and served the couple.
“Oh this is so good, would you like a taste?” asked Mialing
“Sure.”
“Mialing cut a piece of tuna and fed it into Mark’s mouth with her fork. Mialing had never done anything as intimate as this with a man before, sharing her food and feeding it to him, she was acting like a woman in love and it scared her.
Mark had noticed her hand tremble slightly when she placed the tuna in his mouth and asked, “Are you alright?”
“Yes I’m fine, that was the first time I ever did that and for some reason it frightened me. Going to an all girl’s school insulated me from boys and I’ve never felt comfortable dating until now, so you’ll have to excuse me if I seem a bit off.”
Mialing had just shared a most intimate part of her life with Mark and it made an impression, this girl was like a flower in spring, a lovely bud just beginning to open, a flower that needed nurturing and loving care.
“Haven’t you dated before? You’re so beautiful you must be asked out all the time.”
“Yes, men do ask me out but I have never been sure enough of myself to date. I might join them for a casual dinner but that was all, I was always afraid.”
“I hope I don’t scare you?”
Mialing reached across the table and took Mark’s hand in hers and said, “No, I feel safe with you.” She let her hand linger a moment longer before releasing his.
Mark wasn’t sure of what he should say. Her hand was so pretty as it lay on his, the light from the candle dancing on her nails was making him feel light headed.
“I would never do anything to hurt you, Mialing,” he said, even her name was magical. Mark was losing himself in the girl’s beauty and innocence.
Mialing watched Mark’s face studying his every expression. As he spoke she saw kindness and a boyish quality and yet he had an air of confidence that made her feel sure of herself. When she spoke his face showed something else, it shined as though it was capturing the light of the sun and hanging on every word she said and when she laughed, it was as though he melted, Mark was a very special man.
The dinner was becoming very intimate and both Mark and Mialing were falling into its trap. It was as though the rest of the universe didn’t exist for them anymore, they were becoming as one. As they ate the conversation just drifted away until they just watched each other feeling the thoughts that radiated across the table, Mark and Mialing were falling in love.
The waiter interrupted their thoughts when he asked, “Are you finished?”
“Yes, would you like dessert, Mialing?”
“Of course, girls always like dessert,” she said.
The waiter brought the dessert menu and cleared the dishes.
“The cheesecake sounds good, I think I’ll have that,” said Mialing.
Mialing finished her cheesecake after sharing half with Mark.
“I have to freshen up, I’ll be right back,” she said.
Mark came around the table and moved her chair for her as she rose. Mialing went to the ladies room and checked her makeup for any damage. After repairing her lipstick she returned to the table. Mark had just finished paying the bill.
“Would you like to go dancing?” he asked.
“I’d love to,” she answered.
Mark escorted Mialing to the limo and they drove to a casino that was known for having the best dance floor in Vegas.
The couple entered and found a table and then ordered drinks before they began to dance. Mialing was a very good dancer, learning from her girl friends and then honing her skills when she went out on the all girls nights. Mark was passable, he definitely wasn’t Fred Astare but most men aren’t. The couple danced and danced with all the dances being fast. Mark was starting to wonder if they ever had slow dances here when his prayers were answered. He gathered Mialing into his arms and began to dance. His right hand was behind her back and his left held her right hand in his. With his right hand he felt the softness of her hair as it fell on her back and as the dance progressed her smooth skin beneath it. His hand slowly caressed Mialing’s back as they moved to the music. Mialing felt Mark’s hand on her back and as it moved she felt the need to lay her head on his shoulder. She felt his hand caressing her skin and she became aware of the subtle movement of his body against hers, more specifically her breasts, she was becoming aroused. Then she felt something else against her, his penis, it was growing hard against her hip. She had never felt anything like this before, her life had been sheltered and yet she liked what was happening to her. She was falling in love with Mark and as a woman liked knowing he wanted her. He didn’t have to say anything to her, his body was saying all that needed to be said. The dance ended and the couple returned to their table for some refreshment. After resting they danced for several more hours and decided to call it an evening.
The limo drove Mialing and Mark to Mialing’s apartment and Mark walked Mialing to her door.
“Mark, I had a wonderful evening tonight, thank you,” Mialing said, as she faced Mark.
“I did too, may I see you again?”
“Oh yes, anytime.”
If Mark hadn’t asked Mialing probably would have slapped him.
“Would tomorrow be too soon?”
“Tomorrow, what do you have in mind?”
“Have you ever been to the Grand Canyon?”
“No, I haven’t,” she answered. Mialing never really ventured out of Vegas and hadn’t even been to Hoover Dam let alone the Grand Canyon.
“Would you like to go?”
“I’d love to, what time will you pick me up?”
“I have to rent a car before I can get you, how about eight o’clock?”
“Okay, what should I bring?”
“Wear something comfortable and bring a change for dinner. If the day grows too long we might have to get a room to sleep so that would be up to you. If you want we can get two rooms, I want you to have fun and not worry about me doing something to you.”
Mark was addressing her fears, she liked that, it showed he had class. Mark knew she would worry about him if they were to sleep in the same room and knowing that she was a virgin made him that much more aware of the situation.
“I’ll be ready,” she answered.
Silence followed, the couple looked into each other’s eyes, Mark wanting to kiss the girl of his dreams and Mialing wanting to be kissed for what would be her first romantic kiss. Indecision wracked Mark’s brain, what should I do, maybe she doesn’t want me too, God I want to so badly, no I’ll scare her, do it, better not, what should I do?
Mialing watched and could tell what was going on in Mark’s head and finally she moved closer to his face.
Mark understood the signal Mialing was giving him and lowered his lips to hers. When they touched it felt like all that was good past between them. Mark felt the softness of her lips as they pressed together taking his breath away. Never in his life had a woman made him feel this way, he would do anything to have her forever.
Mialing felt Mark’s lips pressing against hers and the roughness of his face. It felt so manly and strong, she felt protected in his arms. She felt safe. She never wanted the kiss to end as she held him tight.
The kiss finally ended after several minutes but the romance didn’t. Mialing was in love and for the first time in her life felt comfortable with a man. She entered her apartment and watched Mark until he drove away in the limo. She then removed her clothing and went to bed after removing her makeup.
Her dreams that night were ones of love. She and Mark were married and lived in a little white cottage with a picket fence all around. They did nothing but kiss and hug all day long until it was time for bed and then Mark swooped her up in his arms and carried her to bed. “I love you more than life it self,” he said and then laid her on the bed. He slowly removed her clothes and climbed above her and lowered himself until, “Briiiiiing,” the alarm went off.
It was already six AM and Mark would be here in two hours and she still had to pack.
Mialing took a quick shower and washed her hair. She hated it after she had been out and her hair smelled of cigarette smoke. When she finished it smelled like flowers once again. What to wear, he said casual, I know, shorts and a tube top. Mialing dressed and then packed a nice skirt and blouse for dinner, a change of clothes for tomorrow, just in case, and closed her overnight bag. It wasn’t a moment too soon as Mark rang her buzzer.
“Wow you look great,” Mark said as Mialing opened the door, “ Are you ready to go?”
“Let me grab my bag and lock the door.”
Mark took Mialing’s bag from her and carried it to the car. He opened her door for her and watched as she slid in. It was already getting warm and he watched her legs glisten in the sun. She was wearing short white shorts, a tan tube top and four-inch wedge sandals.
“I hope you have some other shoes to wear, we might be walking a lot at the canyon?” he asked.
“I have some in my bag,” Mialing answered. She had decided to wear these shoes because she knew they made her legs look good and she wanted to impress Mark.
“Would you like to stop for something on the way?” asked Mark.
“God yes, I’m never up this early.”
“Let’s stop at Starbuck’s, I need the caffeine,” laughed Mark.
The couple stopped for coffee at Starbuck’s, and soon were on their way. Thirty minutes later they had stopped at Hoover Dam and decided to take the short tour of the dam. As they walked Mark put his arm around Mialing’s shoulders. Her skin felt soft and smooth as he held her. Mialing liked having Mark’s arm where it was, it reminded her of some of the romantic movies she had seen. She leaned into him and looked up at him. Mark lowered his lips to hers and kissed her softly. Mialing felt a thrill run through her body when he did, so this is what love is like, now she knew. The tour took an hour to complete and when it was finished the couple continued on the way to Grand Canyon.
Mark had decided to go to the south rim and the drive took many hours. They stopped in Williams and had a late lunch and then drove the rest of the way to their destination.
The couple arrived and Mialing was overwhelmed by the immensity of the canyon.
“I’ve never seen anything so large, it’s beautiful,” she exclaimed.
“Yes it is, let’s stop and buy some souvenirs,” Mark said.
Mark parked the car and the couple walked to the store with Mark’s arm back around Mialing’s shoulders. It wasn’t long before their lips were touching again. Love is a wonderful thing in its infancy.
“Let’s get this,” Mialing said as she held up a figurine of two babies kissing and inscribed with the Grand Canyon logo.
“You can have anything you want, sweetheart.”
The term of endearment wasn’t lost on Mialing as her heart warmed and she smiled.
They were soon off to the first observation point and parked the car to take photos.
“Stand next to the rail and smile,” said Mark as he snapped Mialing’s picture.
“Now you,” she said as they switched positions.
Mark being the guy he was stepped over the railing and pretended to fall. He had observed a ledge just below the edge and knew he was in no danger falling too far.
Mialing screamed, “Mark,” and ran to where he was. Mark popped his head up laughing with glee, he had fooled his girl friend.
“You brat, you scared the life out of me, that wasn’t funny,” Mialing said as tears formed in her eyes.
Mark realized that his joke wasn’t funny to Mialing, how stupid he thought, that was a guy thing, not something you do to someone who cares about you. Mark climbed up and went to her and held her in his arms.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t think it would bother you like this.”
“It did, I care for you Mark, please don’t do something like that again okay?”
She has feelings for me, oh God, oh God, don’t blow it now, treat her like the porcelain doll she is. Mialing wiped her eyes and pushed herself away from Mark and started to walk back to the car. She was upset, not so much at Mark but at herself. She had just admitted to him that she liked him more than just as a friend. She was angry with herself for lowering her guard and letting this man into her heart, she was in a state of confusion.
Mark ran after her and touched her shoulder and asked, “Mialing, what’s wrong?”
Mialing turned around, her eyes full of tears again and responded. “Oh Mark, I didn’t want this to happen, please hold me.”
Mark took Mialing into his arms and felt her sobbing. What have I done to this girl, it was just a joke and now, if I’ve ruined it with her I’ll never forgive myself.
Mialing stopped crying and held Mark tight, she felt so foolish for being this way. She pulled her head back from his chest and put her arms around his neck and kissed him. She kissed him in a way she had never done before and Mark was responding. Her lips parted and Mark pushed his tongue into her mouth and caressed her tongue with his. Mialing was becoming inflamed. Her nipples were growing hard and she was feeling something new to her, lust, she wanted this caring man. The kiss lasted for minutes and finally the couple broke for air.
“Mark, this isn’t easy for me, I’ve tried to be a private person all my life. The last thing I wanted with my life was to share it with someone but now I’ve met you and I don’t know what I should feel, you’ve made me see something new in my life and I discovered that something was missing and when you played that joke on me, I thought I had lost what I had just found, I think I love you Mark and I don’t want to lose you.”
“Mialing, I love you too, I’ll never do anything so stupid again.”
The couple touched lips again but in a show of love rather than lust. They parted their lips and continued their travel along the canyon.
It was dark by the time they reached Flagstaff. Mark found a nice motel and asked if Mialing wanted a separate room.
“I trust you, just ask for separate beds,” she answered.
Mark registered and they went to the room. The room had two queen sized beds and the usual TV and dresser.
“I’m going to take a shower, I feel like I’m covered with dirt,” said Mialing as she walked to the bathroom.
“Okay, I’ll take mine after you’re done,” responded Mark.
Mialing entered the bathroom and closed the door. She turned on the water and removed her clothes. She looked in the mirror and giggled when she saw the tan line from her tube top. She adjusted the temperature and stepped into the shower. The water felt good as it cascaded over her body. Mialing took the complimentary shampoo and washed her hair, it felt good to be clean again. Mialing soaped her body and reflected on all that had happened that day. She had found love and she had discovered lust. She thought about her first tongue kiss and felt her nipples harden and reveled in the pleasure of her touch as she washed herself. Mialing lost herself remembering the intense feelings she had when Mark’s tongue rubbed against hers and how it made her want something else, she had wanted Mark to make love to her. The only thing holding her back was the great amount of insecurity she had about relationships but now Mialing was on fire as she finished her shower. She dried herself and wrapped her towel around her breasts and exited the bathroom. Mark looked up and saw the incredible beauty that had just exited the bathroom. All she was wearing was the towel that extended to just above mid-thigh. Mark looked at Mialing and saw that her lips were parted and she was trembling.
“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” he asked. He was afraid she might be having second thoughts about him again and if she wanted a separate room that was fine, he loved her and didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize that.
Mialing looked at Mark, let her towel fall from her body and said, “Take me.”
Mark went to her and took her in his arm. He pressed his mouth against her and kissed her deeply. He broke the kiss and began kissing her neck and finally her breasts. He licked her nipples and felt her tremble again. Mialing had never had feelings as intense as this before and didn’t know how to control her body, but all she knew was that she wanted Mark inside of her.
When she trembled Mark said, “ We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” interpreting her lust for fear.
“Please Mark, I’ve never wanted anything as badly as I want you right now,” she responded.
Mark had removed all but his boxers in anticipation of his shower so removing his shorts took all of two seconds. Mark lifted Mialing onto the bed and continued kissing and caressing her. He moved to the top of her as she spread her legs in anticipation of entry. Mark took his erection in his hand and found the entrance to her vagina. He knew he had to be gentle with her as this was her first time. He pushed the head slowly into her and heard her gasp but then felt her hips lift to meet his assault. Mark continued pushing until he was all the way in to the woman of his dreams.
Mialing felt so helpless as Mark lifted her onto the bed. When he laid her on her back and kissed her, she instinctively knew what to do and opened her legs for him. She thought it would hurt when he entered her but only pleasure found its way to her soul. When he stopped she wanted him to continue and had lifted herself to accept him and when he finally pushed all the way in she knew she had made the right choice with this man and she would love him forever.
Mark was gentle with Mialing, pulling out and pushing back in slowly so as to give her the most pleasure and soon climaxed within her. Mialing felt Mark cum as he left his love deep inside of her, she had also had orgasm before he came, the first by another person other than herself. When Mark finished he held her tightly knowing that he too would love her forever.
Mark finally softened enough to fall out of Mialing.
“Did you have to come out?” she purred.
“I wish I didn’t have to but that’s what men do,” he answered. “I’m going to take a shower and then I’ll be ready to go to dinner, okay?”
“Maybe,” responded Mialing.
Mark took his shower and returned to the room. Mialing hadn’t moved from the bed.
“Mark honey, could we do that again before we go to eat?” Mialing said in her most seductive voice.
Mark didn’t answer he just joined her in bed. This time because of obvious reasons the lovemaking lasted much longer. Mialing was satisfied beyond belief.
The couple went to dinner and then returned and made love for the rest of the night.
It was ten in the morning before Mialing woke from her sleep. Mark was still sleeping with his arm wrapped around her body cuddled up tight to her. She wondered what was poking her in the back enough to wake her and then she knew, Mark’s body was being naughty. She looked at the clock and knew they would have to leave soon if she was going to get to work on time.
Mialing stretched out like a cat and purred to Mark, “Honey, we should get going, we have a long drive ahead of us.”
Mark opened his eyes and saw the vision of loveliness looking at him.
”Do we have too?” he asked.
“I’m sorry but I have to be to work at eight, but there is something you might want to take care of first,” Mialing said as she looked at his erection.
“Maybe I should,” he said as he grabbed her and started to tickle her on her sides.
“Stop,” she screamed and giggled at the same time.
“Make me,” he said.
Mialing knew just what to do, she quickly rolled Mark over and sat on him, and just as quickly raised herself up and sat on his erection. Mialing felt it slide inside of her and asked, “Are you going to be a good boy now?”
Mark found it difficult to talk especially when Mialing began to lift herself up and down, pleasuring both she and Mark.
“I’ll be good,” he was finally able to say.
Mialing didn’t respond, the intensity of her feelings were too much for her to do anything but live in the moment. She was moaning as she had her first orgasm and when Mark came she again exploded in ecstasy. She fell on the bed, unable to continue sitting on Mark. She was a satisfied woman.
It was almost eleven by the time Mialing exited the shower and Mark entered to wash the previous evenings mess from his body. Mialing brushed her hair and decided to let it dry naturally in the car. She put on some lip-gloss and mascara and looked at her reflection in the mirror. She started to giggle when she saw herself, so this is what they mean when they say she looks well fucked. There was an inner glow pouring from her body that could mean only one thing, she was well fucked.
Mialing dressed in a clean pair of shorts and blouse and waited for Mark to finish his shower. She reflected on what had occurred the previous evening. She had lost her virginity to Mark. Mark had been so gentle and made her feel so good and seemed to want to please her above all other things, that she knew he loved her. Mialing was in love with Mark, there was no doubt about that, but then she wondered what would happen when his vacation was over, would he leave her, that thought terrified her, maybe he would want to move in with her, he did after all have a job to do, as did she. She could go with him, quit her job and be his wife. God what was she thinking, wife, hell, he only told her he loved her once, and maybe that was because of what they were doing at the time, he’s going to leave me, I know he is. Tears ran down Mialing’s face until they fell onto her legs, her insecurity was making a wreck of her fragile personality. Mark exited the bathroom and saw his love crying.
“Mialing, what’s wrong sweetheart?”
“You’re going to leave me, I just know you are,” she said as her tears intensified.
Mark went to her and held her tightly to his chest.
“Shh, shh, I’m not going to leave you, you’ll probably find some handsome guy and dump me instead.”
“I would never do that,” she whimpered.
“Then what makes you think I would leave you?”
“I don’t know,” she answered.
“I’ll never leave you Mialing, I love you. I thought I would never find a person that I could love as much as I love you, but when I first saw you, I knew I was wrong but I didn’t think you could love me as much in return.”
“Oh Mark, I love you so much it hurts, please don’t ever leave me.”
“I won’t, now let me go or we’ll end up back in bed and you will be late for work.”
“Would that be so bad?” she giggled.
“Mialing!” Mark answered.
Mark dressed and the couple drove back to Las Vegas with Mialing sitting with her legs curled under her and cuddled up tight to her man. Mialing was truly a woman in love.
Mialing arrived at home just in time to be to work on time. Mark drove her and assured her that he would be waiting for her when her shift ended.
Mark decided to gamble some more but not in the Bellagio. If anyone were to find out that he and Mialing were seeing each other it might jeopardize her job. Mark ended up playing at a different casino. He was bored with blackjack and decided to play poker instead. How hard could it be he wondered, heck blackjack wasn’t difficult once you mastered it, so he sat down at a low stakes table to pass time and try to win a few dollars. Two hours later he had lost over two thousand dollars and left with his tail between his legs, having learned a very important lesson about gambling, counting cards doesn’t work at poker and lying does. Mark went back to what he did best and that was to count cards at blackjack. He played for several hours and won back about half of what he had lost and then went to pick Mialing up at the end of her shift.
Mialing finished her shift and walked out of the casino and found Mark waiting for her.
“Hi,” Mialing said with a big smile.
“Hi, yourself,” Mark responded as he went to open Mialing’s door.
“Your such a gentleman,” she giggled, loving that he was.
“I’d better be or you might leave for someone that is,” he laughed. “What do you want to do today?”
“Anything you want as long as we’re together,” she said, as the two kissed.
Mark started the car and they soon arrived at Mialing’s home. Mialing made a light breakfast for them and went to take a shower.
“Mialing, I was thinking maybe we could ride the roller coasters today, I love coasters.”
“I’ve never done that, they frighten me.”
“I’ll be there to hold you, it’s safe.”
“First I have to shower and wash my hair, I hate it when it smells of cigarette smoke. We’ll have to sleep for a while, I’m really tired from work and yesterday,” she said.
“Okay, I’ll watch TV while I wait.”
Mark heard the water turn on in the shower and the shower door close as Mialing entered the shower. He wondered how he could be so lucky to have found such a nice girl as Mialing. He was watching a college football game when he heard the water stop and the door close. After a minute the hair drier started and he could imagine what it must be like to dry hair as long as Mialing’s, a real pain in the ass. If Mark could have read Mialing’s mind he would have known that she loved these moments of femininity when she luxuriated in becoming beautiful.
Mialing finished her hair and put on a short green satin robe with a tie around the waist She opened the door and walked into the living room. Mark was absorbed into the game.
“Giving me up for football already?” she laughed.
Every time she laughed Mark felt warm inside, how does she do that he wondered.
Mark looked up at Mialing and saw the very vision of loveliness. Her long black hair shown in the light and even with no makeup on, she was beautiful. Her skin was soft looking with the barest hint of a tan from the previous day and her eyes, God her eyes, those almond shaped wonders rimmed with the longest black lashes he had ever seen. Her robe was closed tight but was open just enough to show the barest amount of cleavage and he could see her nipples pushing against the fabric. The wrap followed her body down and stopped just after covering the most intimate part of her body, God he loved this woman.
“If I could see you like this every moment, I would never watch foot ball again,” he responded.
“Mark, you’re making me blush.”
Mark went to her and took her in his arms and kissed her deeply. Mialing kissed him back and they both knew it would be a while before they would sleep or went coaster riding. Mark found the sash on her robe and untied it. The robe fell loose and dropped to the floor. Mark picked Mialing up and carried her to the bedroom and they were soon making love again. When they finished slumber came quickly to the lovers. It was after two PM before they woke.
“Mark,” Mialing purred, “Do you still want to go on the coasters?”
“I’d like to stay here with you instead but I don’t think my body could take it, let me shower and then we’ll see what we’ll do.”
Mark took his shower and thought it best that they do something other than make love all the time. As much as he loved Mialing he also wanted to share other things with her.
“Honey,” he yelled from the bathroom, “Would you mind if we rode a few coasters?”
“If you insist.” She answered.
Mialing knew Mark wanted to ride the coasters so she was getting dressed when he came back to her bedroom. Luckily Mark had grabbed a change of clothes when Mialing was at work or he would have had to wear the same dirty clothes again. Mialing had just finished putting on a lacy wonder bra and matching thong panties. Mialing had always loved sexy intimate lingerie and this set was no exception. The bra pushed her breasts together creating the most sumptuous cleavage for Mark to see. Mialings’s breasts weren’t large but seemed to be perfect for her body, its as though her whole body was sculpted to be perfect. Mark entered the bedroom and saw Mialing. His towel was wrapped around his waist and he was soon sporting an erection.
“Mark, you must be magic to make your towel stand out like that,” murmured Mialing.
Mark blushed, if they could bottle this girl’s beauty, Viagra would go out of business, he thought.
“Come here you,” he said.
“No, no, don’t hurt me,” she giggled.
Soon they were chasing each other around the bed laughing and giggling until the chase ended in another love making session.
“Honey, are you mad at me for making it too late to go on the coasters?” asked Mialing.
“I could never be mad at you.”
“Ill make something for us to eat and we can just stay here until I have to work.”
“That sounds good,” he said.
Mark was thinking about his love when he remembered that she was going to tell him what had happened to Tommy after he disappeared from the facility in Colorado.
“Sweetheart, I was just wondering something, remember the other day you told me you would tell me what happened to Tommy after he ran from the relocation facility, would you tell me now?”
Mark felt Mialing grow tense when he mentioned Tommy, God I hope I didn’t fuck up, he thought.
“Do you really want to know?” she asked, “Wouldn’t you rather make love to me?”
“Yes, but I love you and I want to know everything about you and your friends, you know me, I’m a cop, I’m always asking questions.”
“But why about Tommy, nothing can bring him back, he was a friend and it makes me sad when I talk about him.”
“I’m sorry, I won’t ask about him again.”
“Maybe I should tell you what I know so you won’t wonder about him. I knew everything about Tommy and no we were never lovers if that’s what you are wondering. Tommy told me everything because he knew he could trust me to never tell anyone where he was. The last time I saw Tommy he told me what happened.”
***
“Tommy, they called from San Francisco and said they are going to convene the grand jury next week,” said Morton Web, the security advisor.
“It’s about time, I’ve been here for four months,” responded Tommy.
“It’s given you time to learn your new identity.”
“My new identity, crap the only thing different about me is my hair and it looks like I need a hair cut and this pathetic mustache under my nose, how is that going to fool anyone.”
“It’s the little things, your mannerisms and the false history of your life. We locate you in some little town in the middle of nowhere and you will be safe.”
“You’re scaring me Morton.”
Tommy wanted to use his knick name the other relocation witnesses had given him, Moron, but thought the better of it.
“I’m going to go to bed, I’m tired,” Tommy said. Being in the middle of nowhere already made one tired, boredom does that.
Tommy was in his room lying on his bed when he heard the door handle turn. No one ever entered another person’s room without knocking. Tommy was still living in heightened fear and as the door opened he rolled off the bed. He heard the sound from the gun echo through the room, pow, pow, pow, and felt the bed lurch as the bullets found their mark. The assailant walked to the bed to be sure Tommy was dead and didn’t expect the kick Tommy delivered to his mid section. The man curled over in pain and Tommy bolted from the room. Tommy ran out the door into the garden and made his way to an exit. A guard was standing next to the gate.
“Where are you going Tommy?” he asked.
“Just for a walk, I’ll be right back.”
“Be careful, we can’t protect you out there.”
“I’ll be fine,” he answered. Fine fucking job you did in there too, asshole, thought Tommy.
The compound was easy to leave, after all it wasn’t jail, it was there to keep people out not keep them in. There was no moon that night and Tommy slipped into the darkness. He had been smart enough to grab his fanny-pack with all his money on the way out the door. Tommy began to run once he was far enough away not to be noticed. He ran for around twenty feet before he tripped over something hidden in the dark and fell face down. He gathered himself and spit dirt out of his mouth as he rose from the ground. I’d better walk or the desert will kill me instead of a bullet, thought Tommy as he regained his feet. Tommy was startled as the lights of the compound came on. He crouched in the brush and saw a man running toward the gate. He saw the flash a gun and the figure fall forward onto the ground. Serves the bastard right thought Tommy, but he knew he couldn’t return to the compound, not after the Tong had found him there, he had to go somewhere he wouldn’t be found.
***
Tommy stepped off the bus and looked around. So this is New York City he thought, I’d better find Chinatown and a place to stay. Tommy found a map and eventually found his way to Chinatown.
He entered a seedy hotel and rented a room. He figured that he would stand out less in Chinatown than someplace else, in other words it’s easier to hide a needle in a sewing box than in a toolbox. Tommy went to his room and tried to make sense of his life. He had gone to the FBI for protection and nearly lost his life. He was supposed to testify before the grand jury in a week but if he told the FBI of his location it might be a death warrant. Better to hide and lay low for now he thought as he drifted off to sleep.
Tommy had his money stash and was able to stay in hiding for a month, and would have been able to hide indefinitely had it not been for the fact that one day while bathing someone stole his money pack. Tommy was screwed, he was going to have to find a job.
Tommy found one in a warehouse moving goods for an import export company. It was hard work but it paid the rent and left a little money for food. Tommy was stuck here until he was able to find a job that paid better.
Tommy had been working for almost a year when a strange man entered the warehouse. He went to the supervisor’s office and said something to Tommy’s boss and then exited the warehouse. Tommy was always watchful when strangers were around. Several minutes past and Tommy’s boss called him to his office.
“Tommy, I want you to take that pallet of boxes to the building next door, use the handcart,” he ordered.
“Okay boss.”
Tommy thought this was strange since the boxes were supposed to be moved to the upper floor of this building. Tommy loaded four boxes onto the handcart and rolled it out the door and across the alley to the other building. He slid the large door open and pushed the cart inside and closed the door behind him. Normally there would be other workers in the building but they were all gone. Tommy thought that there was something wrong with this and wheeled the cart to a row of shelving in the middle of the warehouse. He went to move the boxes off the cart when he heard a soft shuffling sound by a stack of boxes. He turned and noticed a foot moving out into the open and dived forward and saw a muzzle flash as a round was squeezed off. The bullet missed its mark causing dust to fly from the floor near Tommy. Tommy quickly sprang to his feet and ran down the aisle and rounded the corner and dove into a pile of empty boxes. He rolled onto his feet and crouched waiting for the gunman to come into view. The gunman approached the boxes not knowing Tommy was waiting for him. Just as he past the boxes Tommy nailed him with a roundhouse kick that sent the gun sailing. Both men ran for the gun and Tommy being the quicker of the two reached it first. Tommy grabbed it and turned on his assailant firing off two rounds. The man fell dead as Tommy watched.
The gangs knew where Tommy was and he had to escape. He donned the other man’s clothing and ran from the warehouse hoping to distract anyone watching long enough to escape the area. Tommy ran for many blocks and finally made his way onto the subway. He had little money on him but was able to ride the train to the end of the line. Tommy had to think, what can I do now, all my things are in my room and I’m sure it’s being watched, I just killed another gang member so that about seals my fate, think Tommy, think.
Tommy began to walk and found a truck stop and went inside to buy something to eat. He struck up a conversation with a trucker and asked if he could hitch a ride with him. The trucker said it would be all right, but that he was going to Florida. Tommy didn’t care as long as it was away from the city. Tommy reached Florida and had only five dollars to his name and a gun. He thought about robbing a store but then thought twice about it, he had no criminal record and had received immunity from all his other crimes so he pawned the gun instead. Tommy now had fifty dollars in his pocket but knew that wouldn’t last long.
I have to try to get back to Colorado he thought. It might be risky but it’s probably the safest place I can be. Tommy once again went to a truck stop and started hitching rides until he finally reached his destination. Tommy walked up to the guard at the gate.
“Stop, where do you think you’re going,” said the guard as he placed his hand on his gun.
“I need to get inside,” responded Tommy.
“This is a secured facility, you can’t enter.”
“But I used to live here.”
“Give me your name and I’ll see if they will let you in.”
“Tommy, Tommy Wong,” Tommy said. It seemed strange to him to say his real name after going by aliases for the past year.
The guard got on the radio and told the receptionist that there was a Tommy Wong wanting to gain admission.
Tommy heard the voice say, “Did you say Tommy Wong? We thought he was dead, send him right in.”
The guard let Tommy enter and was greeted warmly buy the receptionist. Tommy was brought to a room and was allowed to rest before any questioning would occur.
***
Mialing rolled over and looked at Mark and said, “And that was the last I ever heard from Tommy again. He was never seen after that, he disappeared.”
“He never contacted you after that?”
“No, he was afraid that if the gangs found out about me, they would kill me too, so he never contacted me again and that’s why I told you he was dead. Tommy Wong returned to the facility and he was given a new identity and could never be Tommy Wong again. As far as his friends were concerned Tommy died and someone new was born. Heck he’s probably off living in some God forsaken town in the middle of nowhere working for Wall mart or something.”
“That makes sense, I guess they must have relocated him with a new identity. They normally send them to small towns off the beaten path so they can at least live a somewhat normal life, I hope he’s okay.”
“I’m sure he is, Tommy was always a survivor. Do you feel better now, no more Tommy questions, promise?” Mialing said as she kissed Mark on his lips.
“As long as you keep kissing me like that,” Mark said as he kissed her back.
“Stop,” she giggled, “I have to get ready for work. What are you going to do while I’m working?”
“I have to go by my motel and get a change of clothes.”
“Why don’t you bring everything here and get rid of your room, we’re practically living together anyway.”
“Are you asking me to move in?”
“Kind of, I love you Mark and I don’t want us to be apart.”
Mark went to his motel to retrieve his clothing and move it to Mialing’s apartment. He left his bag by the door not knowing where to store his things. After that he went out and found a tourist guide to Las Vegas, as much as he loved Mialing he wanted to do other things rather than lie in bed all day. Mark played some cards but was becoming bored with that too.
Mark picked Mialing up after work and they stopped for a bite to eat on the way home.
“What do you want to do today?” asked Mark.
“I haven’t thought about it, we should shop for some food, we can’t live on love alone,” giggled Mialing.
“I guess we should and then maybe we can ride the coasters. I don’t have much time left on my vacation and I’d like to do some other things with you. Have you ever played golf?” asked Mark.
“No, never, I don’t know how to play.”
“I can teach you, it’s fun.”
“What about golf clubs?”
“We can rent them, I’ll see if we can get a time tomorrow.”
The couple left the restaurant and walked to the car. Miaking took Mark’s hand in hers and intertwined her delicate fingers with his. Mialing felt safe and protected with Mark, she truly loved this man. Mark opened her door for her and the couple drove home and soon were in each other’s arms, fast asleep.
Mialing woke first and donned a tank top and a pair of shorts and then went to make some breakfast for Mark. She had pulled her hair back behind her ears and pinned it with barrettes. Mark woke and found his love missing from the bed. He heard her in the kitchen and quietly came up behind her and put his arms around her waist and kissed her softly on the side of her neck. “Umm,” she purred as she moved her head toward the left exposing more of her delicious skin to Mark’s mouth. Mark continued caressing her with his lips until she could no longer work on breakfast. Her legs began to quiver as the excitement of the seduction overwhelmed her. Her hands grabbed the edge of the sink as she felt Mark pull her shorts and panties down her legs and waited for the invasion she so much needed at this point. Her shorts fell to the floor and she was able to step out of them and then spread her legs as Mark moved his erection between her legs and then entered her. She leaned farther over the sink so Mark could go deeper into her and felt him thrust in and out of her. As her first orgasm hit her one arm flew out to the side knocking dishes everywhere and when Mark came she had her second and moaned, “Ohhhh, God,” and collapsed onto the sink, her legs no longer able to support her.
Mialing finally recovered and said, “God honey, I can’t believe we just did that.”
“I couldn’t help myself, you looked so sexy standing there.”
“Yuck, like this, no shoes or makeup, you must be blind,” she laughed.
“You’re always beautiful, you could never be ugly no matter how hard you tried.”
“Now I know you’re blind.”
“Mialing, beauty comes from within, that’s why I love you. Sure you could win a beauty contest but the judges wouldn’t be able to see what I see, an inner beauty that makes me weak.”
When Mark said that, Mialing stopped laughing, how could she be so lucky to have found a man like this? A tear of joy ran down her cheek as she kissed her man deeply with love, and Mark knew he was the luckiest man in the world.
Mialing finished making breakfast and the coupled showered and went to the various coasters in the Vegas area. Everywhere they went they were hand in hand, playing kissy-face with each other not caring what people thought, they knew they were in love.
Mialing rode every ride with Mark and screamed on each one and by the time they had finished riding them all, she liked them almost as much as Mark did.
The next day they played golf with Mark trying to teach Mialing how to swing the clubs. Mark would stand behind Mialing and take her hands in his and show her how to hold the club.
“Like this, sweetheart,” he would say and then kiss her on the cheek.
“How do you expect me to concentrate when you keep kissing me?” she asked.
“It makes you a stronger player, if you are distracted.”
“I think you’re just doing this to beat me.”
“I’m doing it for different reasons and you love it.”
“Maybe I do, but your not being fair.”
“Okay, I’ll stop.”
“Don’t you dare,” Mialing giggled.
The couple finished their round with Mialing beating her lover by two strokes. Mark was an eight handicap golfer and could only shoot good enough to come within the two strokes of Mialing. Well maybe Mark cheated just a little so she could win but he didn’t care, he loved this girl and all he wanted for her was happiness.
Mialing knew Mark had let her win and wondered how a man could be so wonderful to her, doing everything he could to please her, not just making love but in everything they did. She felt as though he was doting over her, which he was, but he always remained a man, he made her feel special. They returned home and Mialing dressed for work.
“Mark honey, I left my skirt on the ironing board, could you bring it to me please?”
“Sure,” Mark answered.
Mialing had just finished her makeup and was standing with just her blouse on as Mark entered the bedroom. Her legs were exposed from where the blouse stopped all the way to her feet. Mialing had decided to wear more shadow tonight and looked hot.
“God you look good,” Mark said.
“Well don’t touch until I get home from work, its too much work to look like this,” she responded.
“Alright, I can wait. We have to talk about what were going to do after my vacation is over, it ends in a couple of days and I have to go back to work.”
“The last week has been so wonderful I hadn’t even thought about that, do you have to go back to work? Wouldn’t you want to be a kept man instead?” laughed Mialing. Mialing laughed a lot these days, more than she ever had before. She had finally found what was missing in her life and it made everyday special to her.
“It should be me keeping you, what kind of man would I be if I just laid around while you supported me?”
“A well rested one,” giggled Mialing.
“I don’t need rest for you to excite me, all I have to do is see your hair or smell your fragrance when you walk into the room and its all I can do to control myself, I love you Mialing.”
“I love you too, now I’d better go or I won’t want to go to work.”
Mialing drove herself to work and Mark wondered where this was all going. He loved Mialing more than life itself and knew he wanted to be with her forever. He wanted to ask her to marry him the moment he met her and then after the night she had given herself to him he knew she was the one he would marry. But as he thought more about marriage he recalled what one of his friends had told him about marrying, wait until your sure. Everything seems wonderful at first because the warts never show but after the luster wears off you see the imperfections and some you might not like, so wait a little while before you jump into such a big commitment. I guess he should know, he never listened to himself and has been divorced three times. Mark wondered, what do I really know about Mialing, what’s her favorite flower, her favorite food, colors, does she like sports, which ones, what’s her family like, would they like me, does she have any brothers or sisters, where do they live, the only thing I really know about her is that she likes to make love and that she makes me feel like I’m walking on top of the world.
Mialing returned home from work and she and Mark fell back into their familiar pattern of making love and not much of anything else. It was time for Mark to return to work so it was time for some serious discussion.
“Mialing, I have to fly back to San Francisco tomorrow morning to go back to work. Where is that going to leave us and what do you want to do about us?” Mark asked.
“I really haven’t given it much thought. When I met you, you said that you worked undercover all over the country?”
“Yes, I was in Atlantic City for three years, why do you ask?”
“Because, if your never home, home can be anywhere, can’t it?”
“You have a point, I have an apartment in San Francisco but all it really is, is a place to keep my things, I’m never there. I think the only reason I keep it is that my parents still live nearby.”
“Why couldn’t you live here with me? You could go to your assignments and know I would be waiting for you to come home. This would be a home, not some empty place you live and we could get to know each other better. Mark, I would really like to meet your parents.”
“Are you asking me to marry you?”
“No silly, you’re supposed to ask me, but not yet, we don’t know enough about each other.”
“Mialing, not only are you pretty, you’re wise, I love you.”
“Do you really Mark, do you love me or just what you see?”
“The first time I saw you I fell in love, but as I’ve gotten to know you my love has grown deeper. I’ve found the real you inside and that’s who I love.”
“I know you think you love me, but you really don’t know anything about me, just that we make each other feel good when we make love. How will you feel about me when I’m old and toothless and my skin is all wrinkled, my boobs have sagged down to my stomach and my hair is gray, will you still want me then?”
“I can ask you the same question, will you love me when my hair is gone and I have bags under my eyes, my stomach has a paunch and my skin is all loose and saggy?”
“Mark, that’s a stupid question to ask me, do you think I would have given myself to you if I didn’t like what I saw inside of you that night, I fell in love with the Mark you can’t see, not the one you can.”
“Mialing, all I can tell you is that I love you. I shouldn’t have to prove that to you, you should know how I feel about you.”
“I know Mark and I know you love me but you have to be patient with me, I may project a woman with confidence but I’m very insecure and I worry that you might leave me and if that were to happen, I just don’t know what I would do. You are the only man I have ever slept with and only did because I knew you were someone special, so please don’t think I’m trying to place a burden on you, it’s just that I gave you as much as I could give, I gave you myself.”
“Mialing, I love you, I wish there was someway for me to show you that.”
“Then be with me.”
“I will, I’ll move my things into storage and live here with you. When I’m away I’ll have you to think about to keep me happy and who knows, maybe one day we will marry.”
“Oh Mark,” Mialing said as she fell into Mark’s arms and the two made love.
The following morning Mark flew to San Francisco after a tearful goodbye with Mialing.
“Mark, please call me when you land or I’ll be worried sick.”
“I will sweetheart, I love you.”
“I love you too.”
***
Mark walked to the plane and it departed on time. As soon as it landed in San Francisco Mark called Mialing that he had arrived. Mialing was able to go home and sleep knowing her love was safe.
Mark went directly to the federal building and reported for assignment.
“Mark, welcome back, how were your two weeks off?” asked Ted Lemon. Ted and Mark entered the academy at the same time and had both gone onto undercover work for the excitement. Ted walked with a slight limp from a drug bust gone bad and was shot in the leg only after being shot in the chest and having his Kevlar vest save his life. He preferred desk duty after that and when he married, his wife laid the law down, no more undercover work.
“It was the most incredible two weeks I’ve ever had.”
“Cool, you can tell me about it after work.”
Mark and Ted enter a small conference room for briefing on Mark’s next assignment. Ted would be his contact from the field and the two felt comfortable working together.
Mark’s supervisor was Rich Williams, a large black man who also had left the field after being slashed in a knife attack. He wanted to return but the service felt he was more useful in the office because he was one of those rare individuals who can multitask and not forget details about every case he is running.
“Mark, we want to send you to Chicago. There is a land scam there that sells property that doesn’t exist and we need to find out how they are able to record nonexistent land in all of the recorder’s offices. This should probably take six or eight weeks. It will be safer than your last assignment. I don’t think these people are too dangerous so I wouldn’t worry too much. Do you have any questions?”
“No.”
“Good, tomorrow morning you are to fly to Chicago and meet Roger Crane at FBI headquarters there and he will brief you on how you’re to infiltrate the operation. You might as well go home and get ready, tomorrow’s going to be a long day, by the way how was your vacation?”
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”
“That good huh?”
“Yep, that good,” Mark said with a smile.
Mark and Ted walked back to Ted’s office and Ted asked, “Hey, Jack, Will, and I are meeting for drinks later, you want to join us?”
“Sure, what time?”
“Five-thirty at the Shipper’s Lounge, see you then.”
Mark went home and packed for his trip to Chicago, a weeks worth of clothes. He would find a laundry service to keep his clothes clean, no sense over packing. Mark finished packing and phoned Mialing.
Mialing’s phone rang several times and then the answering machine clicked on.
“Hi honey, it’s me Mark. I’m just calling to tell you that I love you and miss you already. I have to go to Chicago tomorrow and I’ll be there for six or eight weeks but I’ll try to call you every day. I’m going out with some of the guys from work and should be home by nine I know you will be working but call and leave a message anyway, you have my number, love you,” Mark said as he hung up the phone.
Mark phoned his parents to tell them of his good luck and that they might be having a daughter-in-law soon, but decided it would be better if he did it in person.
“Mom, I’m coming over for a few minutes, I have something to tell you.”
“Okay Mark, dad and I will be waiting for you.”
Mark drove to his parent’s house out in the avenues of San Francisco. He hugged both of his parents, as they hadn’t seen him for several years. They kept in touch but they knew how dangerous his job was and that he could be gone for months on end.
“Mom, dad, I’ve missed you.”
“We’ve missed you too son, how have you been?” asked his father.
“I’ve been wonderful, great, mom dad, I’m in love. I met the most incredible girl while I was on vacation and I think I’m going to ask her to marry me.”
“You’re going to ask her to marry you? Don’t you think two weeks is kind of soon, what do you know about this girl?” asked his mother.
“I know that I love her, isn’t that enough?”
“Love is for fairy tales, you need more than that to build a marriage, what does she do?”
“She deals cards at a casino.”
“She’s a gambler?”
“No mom, she just deals cards, I don’t think she even gambles with her money, I know she doesn’t drink alcohol, she’s just special mom.”
“Is she pretty?”
“Mom, she’s the prettiest woman I’ve ever met, not just outside but inside too. I don’t know how to describe how she makes me feel, I look at her and, it’s just the way she is, she talks to me and her voice is magic and when she moves she has the grace of a cat and her laugh, God her laugh, it makes me want to run in the streets yelling I love you Mialing.”
“Mialing, is she Chinese?”
“Yes, mom, she’s Chinese, do you have a problem with that?”
“Uhh, well no, I just thought you would marry a nice white girl.”
“Christ mom, this is the twenty-first century not nineteen twenty for God’s sake. You have to start looking past a persons exterior and see the real person inside mom and Mialing is a special person inside, she’s giving and thoughtful, there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her, I love her so much.”
“Yes but what do you think the neighbors are going to say when they see you with that girl?”
“Well mom, the men are going to say, that lucky son of a bitch and the women will want to know how she keeps her hair so pretty, get over it mom, I’m going to marry Mialing. Do you remember when Mr. Wong down the street had a fit when his daughter dated that white boy years ago and you said he should get over it, what’s the difference now?”
“I don’t know, maybe its because we haven’t met the girl yet and that’s the way parents are, nobody is good enough for their children.”
“Mom you’re going to love Mialing, she’s perfect.”
“Yes, I suppose she is.”
“Mom, dad, I’m meeting the guys for a drink and have to be going, I just wanted to tell you about Mialing. I have to go to Chicago for a while and then I’ll bring her by to meet you, I’ll see you when I get back, love you guys.”
“We love you too Mark.”
Mark joined Ted and the guys for drinks at the lounge and everyone wanted to know if he had fun in Vegas.
“So how was Vegas Mark?” asked Will. Will and Jack were both single and still a bit wild as was Mark before meeting Mialing.
“It was great, I’m thinking of moving there.”
“Whoa dude, you must have had some fun. Did you see any shows?’
“Yeah a couple, you know Celine Dion and Penn and Teller, man those guys are funny.”
“Didn’t you go to any of the chick show’s just off the strip?”
“No, I didn’t have time.”
“You didn’t have time, there’s always time for that.”
“Not this time, I was really busy.”
“After here let’s go over to Mitchell Brothers for some fun with titties,” said Jack.
“No I can’t, it wouldn’t be right,” answered Mark.
“What? What did you do get married or something while you were away, that didn’t sound like the Mark Conrad I know.”
“No, I didn’t get married.”
“You met a girl didn’t you?” asked Ted.
“Yes, I did.”
“I knew it, there was something different about you this morning. I told my wife a long time ago when you met the woman for you, you would fall hard. I could tell when I saw you this morning, you had this silly shit-eating grin on your face that said it all. Who is she?”
“She’s the most incredible woman I’ve ever met. She’s beautiful and funny and to be perfectly honest I worship the ground she walks on.”
“Where did you meet her?”
“At the Bellagio, she’s a dealer there. Her name’s Mialing.”
“Did you say Mialing?” asked Will.
“Yes, why?”
“Dude, your dating Mialing, shit I was in Vegas at a bachelor party and was playing cards there and saw her. Shit I dropped fifteen hundred dollars trying to get her to go out with me. I’d look in those eyes of hers and my brain would turn stupid, hell I even hit on nineteen once. She looked at me and asked if I wanted a hit and I said yes, it was all I could do to keep from jumping her right there, God what a sexy woman she was.”
“Did she go out with you?”
“Not a chance in hell, I followed her after she got off work and asked her again and she told me her husband wouldn’t let her. I know she was just saying that to blow me off but it was nice the way she did it, and now you’re dating her?”
“Yep, and I’m going to move in with her after I get back from Chicago.”
“You lucky bastard, well congratulations any way, invite me to the wedding, at least I’ll be able to dance with the bride.”
The guys finished their drinks and went home, Mark feeling so much the better for not doing anything to jeopardize his relationship with Mialing and the guys not believing how lucky Mark was.
Mark got home and Mialing had left a message on his machine.
“Hi baby, I miss you so much, I got your message, call me when you get to Chicago, you know me, I worry a lot, especially about you, if anything were to happen to you, I’d just die. I’m going to take a shower now before I go to work so think about me, I love you.”
Mark went to bed smiling that night.
***
The next day found Mark in the offices of the FBI in Chicago.
“Here’s the way we’re going to work this Mark. Your new name is Bill Jepson. You were a real estate agent and lost your license because of fraud. You just got out of prison and need a job. We’ve built a paper trail for you so if they check up on you they’ll find everything we want them to find. Swing by their offices tomorrow and put in a job application and after they check you out, I’m sure they’ll offer you a job. Here’s the numbers of your contact in Chicago, this should go pretty smooth but we aren’t sure who’s behind this but I’m sure we’ll find out. Be careful Mark.”
Mark found a cheap apartment to rent. Just coming out of prison meant that he had no money and this dive would be the best he could afford.
He called Mialing and caught her just before she had to go to work.
“Hello,” she said as she answered the phone.
Mialing’s voice ate right through him again, he couldn’t believe a voice would affect him like that but it did. He felt as though she was there with him.
“Hi honey, I just wanted to call, I miss you so much, I don’t know how I’m going to last for all this time without you.”
“I miss you too Mark, you left one of you shirts here, I’ll wash it for you so it will be clean when you come back. What are you doing there?”
“Just working on a realty scam, nothing dangerous.”
“Promise, I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“I promise, it’s just some scam artists, I don’t even think they know how to fire a gun.”
“Okay, but I still worry. I have to run now or I’ll be late for work and you know how I am about time, I’ll talk to you tomorrow, I love you.”
After talking to Mialing Mark could care less where he was living as long as he had her waiting for him when he came home, to their home.
Mark started the next day by putting the sting in action with the FBI. He applied for a job with The Mid West Lots For Sale group by filling out an application. He made sure to lie on the application so when they checked it out they would see he was a man not to be trusted, he was one of their kind of guys. He was called back for an interview.
“Good morning Bill, I’m Charles Rangle. I’m the office manager and Vice President of Mid West Lots,” Charles said as the men shook hands. “I’ll make this brief Bill, we reviewed your job application and I think we might be able to use you. We’re the kind of company that likes to help people that are down on their luck. I see that you just got out of prison, what were you in for?”
“I was convicted of fraud,” answered Mark.
“Can you tell me what happened?”
“I really don’t want to but if it means the difference between getting the job or not, I’ll tell you what I did. I falsified some documents on a real estate deal I was involved with. I ended up in prison for it but I learned my lesson, it’s the straight and narrow for me from now on.”
Charles couldn’t believe what he was hearing from Bill, this guy will fit right in and if there is a problem with some deal they can always blame him, he’ll let him fry for their mistake.
“You know Bill, I’ve always been the type of person that likes to give a guy a second chance and since you learned your lesson and what the heck you only made a little mistake, I think I’ll hire you.”
“Really Mr. Rangle, wow, thanks, I need all the breaks I can get,” Mark said as he groveled to Charles.
“Hey, call me Charles, were just one big family here, when can you start?”
“Right now if you want, its not like I have a lot to do.”
“Done deal Bill, let me introduce you around the office and get you set up, we’ve got a lot of property to sell.”
Charles introduced Mark around the office and showed him his desk. He handed him a stack of leads to call on in the hopes he might find one sucker in the bunch, to buy the nonexistent property.
“Here you go Bill, if you have any questions see my assistant,” Charles said as he turned his back to Mark and walked away with a smug smile on his face. What a rube, thought Charles, he’ll be back in prison so fast, it’ll make his head spin.
Mark finished work and called his contact at the FBI.
“Johnson’s Appliances.” said the voice on the phone. This introduction was used just in case the number found its way into the wrong hands. The agents always used a cell phone to call with a secure number so they wouldn’t be tapped.
“This is Mark Conrad.”
“Hello Mark, how are things going?”
“Good, they already hired me and put me to work today. I think they must have thought they died and went to heaven when they read my job application. I know my boss did, I could tell he would use me as a scapegoat if anything happens with their operation. You know how greed is, if its too good to be true than it probably is too good to be true, anyway I’m in and I’ll check back with you at the end of the week whether anything happens or not.”
Mialing had just finished her first shift and went to eat her lunch. She walked to a table with two women that were talking.
“Hi Sarah, do you mind if I sit with you and Marlene?” asked Mialing.
“Sure Mialing, don’t you usually sit with the wild single girls? What do you want from a couple of old married women like us?” asked Sarah laughed.
“I thought it would be nice to talk about something other than guys for a change,” Mialing said as she sat at the table.
“A pretty girl like you not talking about guys, why the big change, oops, wait a minute, you’ve found someone haven’t you, tell us everything Mialing,” said Marlene.
“You’re making me blush,” responded Mialing.
“You are blushing, you must really like this guy, tell us all about him.”
“His name is Mark and he’s so nice to me, God I love him so much, its making me crazy being apart.”
“Wow Mialing he sounds really special to have won your heart like this, what does he do for a living, he’s not a dealer is he?” asked Sarah. Sarah was concerned because her husband dealt cards at MGM and he was always cheating on her with some floozy he met at the tables. Everyone knew what a nice girl Mialing was and didn’t want to see her hurt by some asshole.
“My goodness no, he works for the FBI and he does undercover work.”
“That sounds exciting,” said Marlene, “Don’t you worry he might get shot or something?” Marlene was a sweet girl. She was only twenty-four years old but had three children, two boys and a girl. She was a cocktail waitress because she needed the tips. Marlene was one of those girls that developed early and fast in school. She had D size breasts by the second year of school and as such attracted the attention of any male she past. During her third year of high school she met a guy seven years her senior and was impressed with being with an older man. She was knocked up two months later and dropped out of school. She moved in with him and had two more kids by the time she was twenty-one. Marlene was very pretty and her “old man” would strut his stuff whenever they went out together. Having children put a brake on activity like that so it didn’t take her boyfriend long to stray. They had children but never found time to marry, or at least her boy friend never found time, why should he, it would cut into his time away from Marlene. Her boyfriend came home one night with lipstick all over his face and his pants were unzipped. Marlene confronted him and he hit her and that was that, she kicked him out. Marlene never trusted a man enough to form a relationship after that, and besides there aren’t a lot of men that want to take on the responsibility of a readymade family. Now her concern was for Mialing, she didn’t want Mialing to be left like she was.
“I do worry, but I’m sure he’ll be alright, he says he’s going to move in with me after he finishes his next assignment, I’m so excited.”
“Oow, you went to bed with him didn’t you?” giggled Sarah.
Mialing blushed and said, “Yes.”
“Was he good?” Sarah asked.
Women can be just as naughty as guys except they do it in a much nicer way. A guy would say, “Did you fuck her?” but a woman would say, “Did you make love?” With a guy it’s all about the physical part of fucking, the intense rush of coming. With a woman it’s the mental aspect of making love and having your partner bring you to orgasm and then cuddling afterward, showing that he loves you. If it was up to the guy he couldn’t wait to grab a beer and watch the game, he did his part, he got off, wasn’t that enough?
Mialing was blushing again, “Yes he was wonderful.”
“Did he hold you afterward?”
“Yes, he held me all night as though someone might steal me.”
“You’re so lucky, God when Ralph and I make love, he can’t get finished quick enough, wham, bam, thank you mam, he could set the world record, I swear,” laughed Sarah.
Sarah’s life had been no bowl of cherries either. She and Ralph had two children, a boy and a girl. They lived in a rundown apartment complex just off the strip. Ralph had been a contractor and had his leg nearly taken off in an accident on a job. Since it was his company he had no insurance on himself and ended up in the hospital for months. His business went to hell and failed. When he got out of the hospital he had no job and was in debt. He couldn’t find a loan to start over again and his leg didn’t allow him to work in construction so he went to work in the casinos. He was bitter with his life and took it out on Sarah by cheating on her, screwing anything with skirts. Sarah looked the other way because she needed his money to help raise their kids. Sarah laughed a lot, not because she was happy but used it as a shield to hide her real feelings. Sarah was bitter with life, her husband was a cheat and she had to work to keep food on the table. Her kids had grown up without her and were in trouble all the time. The boy was fifteen and the girl was twelve going on twenty. She knew her daughter had already had sex with some low life and had put her on the pill but she was worried that she would pickup some disease from some idiot that didn’t use a condom.
“Are you two going to get married?” asked Marlene.
“I hope so, he hasn’t asked me yet.” answered Mialing.
“Well you be sure before you tie the knot, make sure he’s a good man and not like my Ralph,” said Sarah.
“Where did you meet him?” asked Marlene.
“He was playing at my table and he asked me out.”
“Lots of guys ask you out, why did you go with this one?”
“I don’t know, he seemed so nice that I couldn’t resist his charms,” giggled Mialing.
“Look how time flies, it’s time to go back to work, you have to let us meet your guy before you marry him so we can make sure he’s right for you,” said Marlene.
“I’ll invite you over to my place when he comes back,” responded Mialing.
The ladies rose and walked back into the casino to go back to work.
***
Mark started his second week of work by selling some property to a fictitious client. The client was actually the FBI but the sale needed to be done in order to make a bust on the operation. The deposit check arrived on Thursday and Charles was quite pleased.
“Good job Bill, keep those checks coming in, my partners will be pleased.”
“Thanks Charles,” answered Bill.
That afternoon Mark saw a man enter Charles’ office. He looks familiar Mark thought but couldn’t place the man. The man walked back out of Charles’ office and looked at Mark. He seemed to recognize Mark and yet he didn’t, it was a strange experience. All of a sudden a light went off in Mark’s head, that guy was one of the hoods involved in the gambling scheme in Atlantic City. While Mark was undercover he had sported a beard and mustache but now he was clean-shaven. Shit, I hope that idiot doesn’t recognize me, Mark thought.
“Who is that new guy?” asked the man.
“That’s Bill Jepson, we just hired him. I checked him out, he’s cool, he’s already sold some property,” said Charles.
“I don’t know, there’s something about him I don’t like. If worse comes to worse, we can always off him, I’ll be back next week.”
Mark called his contact and told them of his chance encounter with the Atlantic City hood.
“Johnson’s Appliances.”
“It’s Mark Conrad, I have some news for you.”
“Hi Mark, everything is going well I hope.”
“Yes and no. This guy came by our offices today and I recognized him as one of the guys involved with the gambling thing back east and I’m not sure but I think he might have recognized me or at least thought he had seen me before.”
“That sucks, we’re getting close to making the bust but if you think you’re in danger maybe we should pull you out?”
“I’d hate to do that now, I’m sure we should be able to bring these guys down by the end of next week. This has gone smoother than we thought it would and besides with the connection to the group in Atlantic City it would be a shame to have to start all over again. If we tip our hand now the rats might scatter and we’ll lose everything, I’d better stay.”
“Okay, good luck, but if you do have a problem we’ll bring you out whether you want to or not.”
“That’s a deal.”
When Mark was in his previous assignments he would throw caution to the wind because he didn’t have anyone to worry about other than himself, but now he had Mialing and the thought of not seeing her again scared him. Mark missed her terribly. He wanted to hold her and feel her touch as she caressed his back with her fingers while they made love. Mark was even considering working a desk just so he wouldn’t have to be away from the girl who had stolen his heart. Mark picked up the phone and called his love.
“Hi sweetheart, how’s everything going?”
“Mark, hi, I miss you, how much longer are you going to be?”
“Maybe a few more weeks, it’s actually going better than we thought.”
“I wish you were here to hold me,” Mialing said.
“I wish I was too.”
“I have to go to work now baby, call me tomorrow?”
“Of course I will, just hearing your voice makes my life worth living.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Mark lowered the phone and changed clothes. It was time to have dinner at his customary restaurant. Mark was also bothered by the thought that the stranger had recognized him. He usually left his pistol hidden in his luggage but now he decided to bring it with him. He always carried a backup strapped to his leg, a small 22 automatic pistol, but he felt he should carry more fire power with him, so he decided to bring the 9mm. Mark walked to the corner dive and ordered the pork chop, he had eaten one before and it was tasty so he figured why not again.
Mark had just finished his meal when a man came into the coffee shop and pulled a gun on the waitress.
“Give me all your cash and nobody make a move,” he yelled as he held his gun to the girl’s head. “You cook, get out here!” he pulled the waitress to the cash register and made her open the drawer. There was maybe two hundred dollars in the register.
“Is this all?” he demanded.
“It’s a slow night,” she responded.
“Everybody, empty your pockets,” the man yelled.
Mark was in a quandary. He could drop the gun-man when he released the waitress but that would blow his cover, he could give the guy his money and hoped that he wouldn’t find his gun or he could blow the man’s brains out and run from the scene and hope no one knew who he was, which probably wouldn’t work seeing as how he had eaten there almost everyday. He decided giving his money to the robber would be the most prudent move. Mark emptied his pockets and laid his money on the table. The robber came and took it and counted it.
“Almost a hundred fifty, is that all you have.”
“That’s it, I don’t want any trouble.”
The robber sneered at Mark and walked away. He left the restaurant and ran down the street.
“Where’s a cop when you need one?” asked the waitress.
“Probably down the street eating doughnuts,” laughed Mark.
The waitress called 911 and the police were there minutes later. They interviewed each person and finally got to Mark. Mark knew the drill, probably better than the cop asking the questions but he played dumb, nobody could know he was undercover on a case.
“What’s your name sir?”
“Bill, Bill Jepson.”
“Tell us what you saw Bill.”
“This guy came in and held a gun to the girl’s head and then robbed everyone. Man he scared the crap out of me. I gave him all the money I had on me, almost a hundred fifty dollars.”
“That’s a lot for this neighborhood, how come you’re carrying so much loot?”
“I just went to the bank for some cash to pay my rent.”
“I might need to talk to you some more. I’ll need your address and where you work.”
Mark gave him the information he asked for and went home. He told the waitress he would be back tomorrow to pay his bill. Mark was angry because he couldn’t do anything about the robbery. If he wasn’t undercover he could have but as it was he didn’t need this attention and worried that the police might find Bill’s alleged past and open him up to scrutiny by Charles and the gang. Mark was cursing his bad luck. The only thing that would make him feel better was talking to Mialing.
Mialing answered the phone on the second ring. She knew it was Mark because he called at this time everyday. “Hello.”
“Hi baby, I miss you, how’s your day going?”
“Great, I went shopping and bought all kinds of clothes. I’ll model them for you when you get home. I’ll save the sexiest one for last because I know what you will do to me when you see it.”
“And what do you think I’ll do when I see you in it?”
“If you don’t know, I’ll be disappointed,” she giggled softly.
Mark felt his penis twitch when he heard her giggle. How does she do that he wondered.
“How was your day?” she asked.
“It was the pits, I got held up by some low life and couldn’t do anything about it. I just gave him my money and let him leave.”
“You poor thing, are you alright?” Mialing asked with concern in her voice.
“I’m fine, I could have shot him but that would have blown my cover and I can’t let that happen.”
“Be careful sweetheart, I’ll talk to you tomorrow, I love you.”
“I love you.” Mark said as he hung up the phone.
Mark was at work the next day when a police officer entered the office and asked for Bill Jepson.
The receptionist pointed at Mark and the officer walked over to his desk. Everyone in the office watched as he questioned Bill.
“Bill, I’m officer Watts and I need to talk to you some more about last night. We happened to run your name and found that you just got out of prison, can you explain that?”
“I was released last month, what difference does that make?”
“We thought maybe you might have been that guy’s partner, you know, case a joint and then rob it. You’re there to make sure there are no cops in the place and signal your partner that it’s okay, the place is safe.”
“You can’t be serious.” Mark said with exasperation in his voice.
“Why not?”
“Because I’m working now, why would I blow a good job for a couple hundred bucks?”
“How did you know how much money was taken?”
“The waitress explained that it was a slow night and that’s all there was. That’s why he robbed the rest of us.”
“Is there anything else you can tell us about the robbery?”
“Just what I told them last night, nothing more.”
“Here’s my card, if you remember anything else call me and don’t leave town.”
“I won’t, my probation officer won’t let me,” answered Mark in a sarcastic tone of voice.
The officer left and it took Charles all of three seconds to reach mark’s desk.
“What was that all about, Bill?”
“I was held up last night at the coffee shop I eat at all the time. The bastard got me for a hundred fifty bucks, man now I’m really broke.”
“I’ll tell you what I can do for you, I’ll have a check drawn from one of the escrow accounts to tide you over until payday, how’s that sound?”
“Wow, that would be great Charles, thank you very much.”
“No problem Bill, I like you.”
Charles liked Bill all right, by giving him money from an illegal deal he was implicating him in the scheme. Once he took the money Charles would own him.
Mark received the check that afternoon and brought it to the FBI to have it put into evidence. They would photocopy the check before Mark cashed it. He had to cash it or Charles would know something was up, if he was so broke why hadn’t he cashed the check. Mark went to a check-cashing store and cashed the check and brought the money back to the FBI as proof he had indeed received cash from Charles. He then drew money from the department to live on and went back to work the next day.
It was a Friday and things were quiet around the office. Charles decided to treat the staff to lunch. Someone would have to stay behind to answer the phones so Mark volunteered since he was the newest employee.
Everyone left and Mark finally had his opportunity to search through the files. Mark only had a short amount of time so he rushed through as many files as he could. He didn’t find much, not nearly as much as he expected. The only file he couldn’t see was the one in Charles office. Charles had locked his office door and Mark didn’t have time to pick the lock. He copied everything he thought was pertinent and closed the files back up. What Mark didn’t realize was that one of the files slid down and when he returned the files he had copied he placed them on top of the errant file. Cecilia would find the file the following Monday.
Mark brought the copied files to the FBI and dropped them off to be analyzed. It would be several days before anything could be determined and if there was anything useful in what Mark had gathered. Mark decided he would break into the office over the weekend and see what Charles had in his office. He was getting worried that his cover might have been blown by the robbery and he didn’t want to take a chance of being discovered.
Mark was an expert at picking locks, it was part of his FBI training so it didn’t take long for him to enter Charles office Sunday morning. He found Charles file cabinet and opened it. Finally this was what he was looking for, all the false deeds and the contact at the recorder’s office, the escrow officer that was on the payroll and falsifying documents, the whole package. Mark spent the next three hours making copies of the incriminating evidence, and he thought to himself, these people were going down. Mark finished and locked everything back up and brought the evidence to the bureau. The only thing lacking was a firm tie-in to the mob back east. There were references, but nothing solid they could use in a court of law, these people were careful.
Monday came and Cecilia went to Charles office with the information that someone had been in the file cabinets. Charles figured he knew who it was, so he called Mark into his office.
“Bill, I’m disappointed in you. I trusted you enough to leave you alone when we went to lunch and you snooped through the file cabinets. Do you want to tell me what you were looking for?” Charles asked.
Mark was so busted. He was always careful when he searched files, what happened he wondered. These people weren’t dangerous he thought, they were just scam artists. He figured he could lie out of this.
“I’m sorry, Charles, I was just curious and I thought I could learn more so I could be a better salesman.”
“You’re not to go in those files again, do I make myself clear?”
“Yes Charles.” Mark groveled.
“Oh and one other thing, if you think you will be able to use any of that stuff, I want you to remember something. The money I gave you last week was part of an illegal deal so you’re implicated in it now. You will go back to prison if anything happens.”
Mark left Charles’ office thinking to himself, what a prick, he thinks I’ll go to jail if anything happens to him, boy is he going to be surprised.
Tuesday was uneventful for Mark, he called Mialing and confirmed his undying love for her and pretty much called it a day.
Wednesday found Mark trying to sell property again. The man Mark had noticed when he first started working here was back talking to Charles. As the talked they would glance at Mark. Now he knew, they were on to him. He was going to have to end the charade. What he wasn’t sure of though was whether or not they knew he was FBI. His cover was perfect, there was no way it would lead them to the bureau, maybe they were afraid he would blackmail them, but there wasn’t enough information in the discovered files for them to worry about, man I wish I was a fly on the wall right now, he thought.
It’s too bad he wasn’t, because he would have been very interested in what was being said.
“Charles, I’m glad you called me about this problem,” said Byron.
Byron was the stranger from back east and he didn’t like Bill, there was something about him that made him uneasy. He had been around criminals for years, sleazy ones and violent ones, but Bill put him on edge.
“I had to Byron, I think he might want to try extortion with us. He probably thinks he can scare us.”
“How much knowledge does he have about the operation?”
“He can’t have much, the files he did see were pretty innocent. My office was locked when we were gone and the lock’s a hard one to pick so I know he didn’t go in there.”
“I think we should get rid of him anyway. I told you the first day he was here that I didn’t like him, better safe than sorry.”
“It’s your call, I’ll go along with what ever you think is best.”
“I say kill him, that way there’s no problem. I’ll call an exterminator and see what he can do for us. Do you know where he lives? We don’t want anything to happen around here or we might draw attention to ourselves.”
“I don’t know where he lives. He mentioned some dive hotel but not where it was. It has to be in the bad part of town, so if he’s killed it’ll look like a robbery gone bad.”
“Good thinking.”
Byron made the call and talked to his hit man and made the arrangements.
“Okay Charles, it’s done. My guy will follow him home to learn where he lives and then he’ll off him the next day.”
“I hate to do this, I kind of like the guy but if he’s a danger to the operation it’s for the best.”
Mark finished the day and went home. He used public transit because he was supposed to be too poor to own a car. The hit man followed him home and learned where Mark was staying. Little did the hit man know that because of his training Mark could feel something wasn’t right as the hit man followed Mark in the shadows. Mark arrived at the hotel and went up to his room. The hit man asked the clerk which room the man that just entered, rented, after slipping him twenty dollars. The man got the number and left, knowing he would be waiting for Mark when he got home.
Mark knew something was going on so he called his contact.
“Johnson’s Appliances.”
“This is Mark Conrad.”
“How’s it going Mark?”
“Not so good, I think they’re on to me, I should probably come in.”
“Hold on, let me ask the supervisor if that would be okay.”
There was a pause and Mark wondered if they had enough to bust the group, if they had then Mark would be arrested with the rest of the employees so as not to blow his cover, and then he could go home to Mialing and move in with her, God he missed her.
“Mark, I talked to the super and he agrees. They will take down the operation the day after next, so you only have to live in that flea infested hole for two more days.”
“Thank God, that place is such a hole. I hate having to share a toilet all the time and you can forget about taking a shower, the floor has green scum all over it. Maybe we can take the owners of that place down too. There must be a law against renting places like that.”
“I’ll talk to the boss maybe we can hit that joint at the same time, you know a two for one offer.”
“Yeah, that would be a kick, see you in a couple of days.”
What Mark didn’t know was that if it was up to Charles and Byron, he wouldn’t be seeing anyone ever again, they would see to that.
Mark went to his favorite restaurant again and ordered the meatloaf. At least they did a good job on that. Sally the waitress liked when Mark came in for dinner. He wasn’t like most of the other diners that frequented the café, he was polite and fun to talk to.
“Having the meatloaf again Bill?”
“Yeah I guess, I’ve only had it twice this week,” he laughed.
Mark liked Sally. She was a sweet girl, kind of cute and had a really nice personality. He could tell she had a great figure even with her uniform on and he wondered why she worked in a place like this, she could work in a nicer restaurant and get much better tips, she must have some history, maybe drugs, he wondered. Mark would have asked her out if it hadn’t have been for Mialing. They weren’t married and yet he didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize what he had with her.
Sally also liked Mark, she was sure he knew that, God she had hinted enough to him that she would like to go out with him, maybe he was gay, she didn’t know.
“Here’s your gourmet delight, Bill,” she said as she put the plate down. She looked at him and decided not to wait for him to make a move on her, she would be the aggressor.
“Bill, when are you going to ask me out?”
Mark was taken off guard, “Uhh, I didn’t know you wanted to go out with me.”
“I dropped enough hints to write a book, you’re not gay are you?”
“Good grief no, it’s just that I already have a girl friend.”
“I never see you with her.”
“She lives in Las Vegas.”
“Then take me out, she’ll never know.”
“I’d feel guilty.”
“I just want to go out and have some fun, not go to bed, come on, please?” Sally pleaded.
“Okay Sally, you win, when?”
“After I get off of work?”
“Okay, I’ll see you after you get off, where do you want me to meet you?”
“I live in an apartment upstairs from here, meet me at nine-thirty.”
“What should I wear?” asked Mark.
“Come as you are. I have to change, I don’t want to go out in my waitress uniform.”
“Come on Sally, I’ve always been partial to women in uniform.”
“Bill, you’re silly,” laughed Sally.
Mark finished his meal and walked home. He felt flattered that Sally wanted to go out with him and yet he felt guilty, as though he was cheating on Mialing. Another reason he had agreed to see Sally was the tension of his job and knowing that he was being targeted as a threat to the organization he was working for, he never knew if he would be alive from day to day and what harm could come from an innocent date?
***
Mialing was enjoying her new friendship with Sarah and Marlene. It was nice to interact with other women without everything revolving around men. They would talk about fashion and where to find the best prices, things that women with responsibilities talked about. It made her feel more like a mature woman rather than the sex object she projected in the casino.
“Mialing, can you find someone to take your shift tonight? Marlene and I want to go dancing and it would be even more fun if you came along,” said Sarah.
“I thought you were married?” asked Mialing.
“I am, we just want to go out and have some fun for a change. All we’re going to do is dance.”
“I think I can get Brenda to cover for me, she owes me a favor. What time do you want to go?”
“We can leave around seven and get something to eat. When we’re finished it should be around nine so it will be about right for dancing, I’ll pick you up.”
“Okay, see you then,” said Mialing.
Mialing called Brenda and told her something had come up and she needed her to cover for her. Brenda said she would since Mialing had covered for Brenda many times before.
Mialing went and took a bath. She wanted to have fun tonight and decided a bubble bath would put her in the mood for fun. She washed her hair knowing it would take a while to dry. There are some disadvantages to having hair as long as Mialing’s and one of them is the upkeep on it, but the advantages far outweigh that. She loved the way it would swing back and forth when she walked and the attention it caused with men. Having hair that long was one of the sexiest things a woman could do.
Mialing exited the tub and wrapped her towel around her self and went into her bedroom. What to wear, she wondered. Shall I be proper or should I let my hair down so to speak and dress a little sexy. Mialing’s outlook had changed about men ever since she and Mark had been together. She found that she now liked to flirt with them, even going so far as to wonder what some of them might be like in bed. She no longer felt she had to ignore them, but would actually initiate a flirting session. The only thing she hadn’t done was to go out with anyone yet.
Mialing finished drying her hair and put on a pair black of lacy thong panties and a matching lacy push up bra. Mialing didn’t have large breasts, just a B cup but the bra did wonders with what she had, creating very sexy cleavage. Mialing knew exactly which dress she was going to wear tonight, the one with the neckline that barely covered her bra and had little sleeves that ended just below her underarms The hem stopped at mid thigh and had flirty ruffles starting at her waist and curving around her front and finally going all around the hem. She found a garter belt and sheer charcoal nylons to wear with her black T strap pumps with the four-inch heels. Mialing was going to look hot tonight.
She was just going to start her makeup when the phone rang.
“Hello.”
“Hi honey it’s me, what are you doing?” Mark asked.
“I’m getting ready to go out with Marlene and Sarah. What are you doing?”
“Oh nothing, just hanging out, thinking of you,” Mark said as the guilt’s hit him.
“We’re going to have dinner and go dancing, you don’t mind do you, I’ll behave.”
“I’m sure you will, well, I’d better let you get ready.”
“Are you doing anything tonight, or are you just going to watch television?”
“I’ll just watch TV, well I’ll talk to you tomorrow, I love you.”
“I love you too,” answered Mialing.
Mialing felt good knowing Mark was confident enough about their relationship to trust her to go dancing, he was a wonderful man. Mark on the other hand felt like shit. He had just lied to Mialing about staying home and he was about to go out with Sally, and now he was worried because Mialing would be dancing with another man while he was cheating on her. Maybe he would go to Sally’s and tell her he couldn’t go out with her, it just wasn’t right.
Mialing put on her makeup but unlike her work look, she was going to be bold. She put on three different shadows, lined her eyes and put on three coats of mascara. She lined her lips and added lipstick and gloss. Her dress was lined so she didn’t have to wear a slip so she lowered the dress down over her head and zipped the back. She finished her look with some hoops in her ears, a few bracelets and a necklace with a pendant that drew attention to her cleavage. She slipped on her heels and looked in the mirror to be sure everything was perfect. Everything was perfect, actually more than perfect, Mialing looked like a walking wet dream. Her legs perched on the heels made her legs look as though they went on forever and the sheerness of her nylons said sex. Her soft glowing skin from her breasts to her neck said kiss me and her face and flowing hair were going to make men weak, Mialing was a vision of wanton loveliness.
***
Mark decided to walk to Sally’s to break the date. He was being wary of the situation at work so he pulled a couple of hairs from his head and put them between the door and jamb with the ends sticking out. Unless you knew they were there you wouldn’t see them and if someone opened the door they would fall to the floor and Mark would know someone was in the room.
Sally was a nice girl but he didn’t feel right about going out with her. He just couldn’t do this to Mialing. It was nine-thirty and he knew Sally would be waiting for him. He felt like a heel but he had to do this thing, he had to tell Sally he couldn’t go out with her. He knocked on Sally’s door and heard her heels as she walked down the hallway. Sally opened the door and Mark opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Sally looked hot, actually way beyond hot, Mark wanted to jump her right there when he saw her. Sally didn’t look like Sally the waitress anymore, she looked like the jump my bones right now Sally. Sally was wearing a very short red dress that barely covered her most private part. The neck was cut low enough to barely cover her nipples. She had on four-inch red sandals and no nylons. She liked to tan her self and her legs showed it, they looked hot. Her makeup was done in such a way as to impart sex and her blonde hair was pulled up and back with curls cascading down to her shoulders. What Mark hadn’t noticed when Sally wore her uniform was her figure, the uniform was too loose to really show what she had, but now he saw, God did he see. Sally it seems was a photography model before she went to jail. She was one of those girls that graced the covers of biker and car magazines and was in much demand at one time.
Sally had a very tough life from the moment she was born. Her mother was an alcoholic and her father was in and out of prison more times than she could remember. Sally grew sick of all the bull shit and ran away when she was sixteen. She was living on the streets of New York City when a guy about thirty found her and brought her home with him. It didn’t take long for him to get her in bed and being so young found it flattering that an older man found her attractive. He cleaned her up and noticed what a hot looking girl she was. He had a portfolio made and soon was trying to land modeling jobs for her. Sally had an incredible figure, thirty-four inch hips, a twenty-two inch waist and nice thirty-four inch B cup breasts. Her face was to die for and her natural blond hair made her stand out from other women. There were only two problems, one was that Sally was only five foot one so she couldn’t do runway modeling and secondly her breasts weren’t big enough for the type of modeling she could do. Her boyfriend decided implants were the answer so Sally was soon sporting D cup breasts. With the breasts came work, lots of work, Sally was shooting photo layouts all the time. She would do anything for the camera other than straight out sex. She was becoming tired and wanted to rest but her boyfriend wanted her to keep working so his investment in her would pay off handsomely. That’s when she started on the meth. Soon, she was craving it more than life itself, she had to have it. With the drug came the side effects, the need for sleep, many hours of it and the loss of time, not showing up for a photo shoot and finally the haggard look that the drug induces on a person’s face. Sally lost her modeling jobs but didn’t care as long as she had her drugs. Her boyfriend wasn’t going to put up with some lazy bitch lying around all day so he got her a job in a strip club and she had just turned twenty-one. Because of the drugs, that lasted for a year and then the club manger couldn’t take her tardiness anymore and fired her. Her boyfriend had started selling drugs to make ends meet and was busted by the cops. Unfortunately Sally was home at the time and ended spending a year in jail. Sally reflected on what her life was becoming and after being clean and sober for a year decided to clean up her act. She enrolled in a drug rehabilitation program and took the waitress job just to keep out of trouble. When she felt secure enough she would try modeling again, but for now she just wanted to be Sally, a girl finding herself.
Sally knew what turned men on. She liked Mark, he was different from the other men that came into the café. She could tell he wasn’t a drug user, hell she could spot them a mile away, and there was something else about him, he had a purpose and what he was doing in that neighborhood made no sense. Sally liked what she saw in Mark and to be perfectly blunt, she wanted him, never mind the other girl friend, she was going to do all she could to steal him away from that girl.
“Cat got your tongue?” giggled Sally.
Mark finally composed himself and said, “You look fabulous.”
“Thank you, do you like it?” Sally asked as she turned around to give Mark all the looks he would need to succumb to her advances.
“Like it, when you opened the door I thought I had died and went to heaven. Where do you want to go?” asked Mark as he totally forgot he was going to tell Sally he didn’t want to go out with her. After seeing her, Mialing could have walked by and Mark would have ignored her, Sally was having the impression on Mark she desired.
“There’s a club down the street that’s close enough to walk to. It’s not real nice but it’s fun, you’ll like it.”
“Sounds good to me.”
Sticking bamboo shoots under his fingernails would have sounded good to Mark by the way he was staring at Sally.
Sally grabbed her wrap and then grabbed Mark’s arm pulling it tight against her breast and pulled him out the door. Mark had never met a girl like this, first the visual effect and now her breast rubbing gently against his upper arm as they walked. All this was making Mark wonder if he ever wanted to go back to Vegas.
Mark and Sally entered the club and found an empty table.
“Would you like something to drink?” he asked.
“Just a coke would be fine.”
Mark ordered a coke and a vodka cranberry for himself. He needed a drink to calm down, damn she’s hot, he thought, as he looked at her.
Mark brought the drinks back to the table and asked Sally to dance. The music was fast and soon they were having fun. Mark was getting warm and asked Sally if she wanted to sit for a moment. The couple returned to the table and finished their drinks.
Mark was growing curious about this hot little number he was with and asked Sally about herself.
“Sally, I know it’s none of my business but why do you work at the café?”
“It’s the best place for me right now.”
“You could do much better than that place.”
“It’s comfortable for me, it’s where I want to be.”
“Why?”
“I can’t tell you here, maybe later.”
A slow song came on and Sally grabbed Mark’s hand and pulled him to the dance floor. She put both hands around his neck and pulled him tight against her body. Her breasts pushed firmly against his chest and he could feel them caressing his body. They had a firm softness about them that was making Mark forget about Mialing, he was in another place. He closed his eyes and drifted into Sally’s mind and soul, he wanted this woman, he wanted her as much as he had wanted Mialing. He felt himself becoming aroused against her hip and when Sally felt it she pulled him tighter and moved her hip to increase the pleasure Mark was feeling. Sally knew if she kept this up she would make Mark forget the name of his girl friend and he would be hers.
Mark and Sally had been at the club for a little over an hour but Sally knew her seduction had worked and it was now time to finish the act.
“Bill, I’m getting tired, would you walk me home? If you come up I can tell you more about myself.”
“Sure, let’s go.”
Mark and Sally walked back to Sally’s place and went up stairs. Sally opened the door and stepped inside and closed the door behind Mark. Sally wasn’t going to leave anything to chance, she had Mark where she wanted him, in her apartment, so she turned to him, looked into his eyes, put her arms around his neck and pulled his face down to hers and kissed him. This wasn’t a sweet little kiss, it was deep and loving and full of want. Mark felt Sally’s breasts push against him again and then her lips parted, she wanted his tongue. He pushed his tongue into her mouth and heard her moan, God she was hot. Mark moved his hand to her breast and felt her melt into his body. His penis was becoming erect and Sally pushed her hips against it with a purpose. Sally moved her mouth from his.
“Take me to bed,” she panted. Sally had initiated the seduction but now she wanted Mark to take control, she wanted him to make love to her. Mark picked her up and carried her to her bed and laid her on it. She slipped off her panties and waited for him to remove his clothes. Mark crawled onto the bed and slid his penis into her, there would be no more foreplay. Sally wanted Mark inside her where he could do the most good. Sally felt Mark moving in and out, he penis rubbing her vaginal walls, stimulateing her toward orgasm. It came and she grabbed him and moaned. This stimulated Mark to go faster until he came. He felt as though he had buckets when he did, God this woman is good he thought. Mark held Sally, not wanting to let go, he was having feelings for her.
Sally felt Mark holding her, as he cuddled her. She had never slept with a man that cared for her before and being held by him, they would just roll off afterward and most of the time before she had orgasm. She was falling in love with Mark. Mark finally softened and fell out of Sally but he still held her. Sally finally asked Mark to let her go so she could remove her dress and heels, she didn’t want anything between her and the man she loved. Sally removed her dress and heels while Mark watched. When she was naked he couldn’t believe what a beautiful girl she was, her breasts stood full and proud, her waist was so tiny and her hips so round. She had a soft femininity about her that he had never seen in a woman. He was becoming aroused again.
Sally saw what she was doing to Mark and loved that she was, he’ll never want to leave she thought.
“See something you like sailor?” she giggled. Sally’s giggle was cute, it was fun, and playful, not like Mialings. Mialing’s giggle went to your soul. It made you feel as though she was the only person on earth when she laughed, Sally’s was just fun.
“And what makes you think I see something I like?”
“Because you’re standing at attention,” she laughed.
“Maybe he should stand at ease then.”
“Don’t you dare,” she said as she came to him.
Mark eased himself into her again and then met her lips. They stayed that way until she had orgasm and couldn’t breathe. Mark continued his motion very slowly bringing Sally to orgasm after orgasm. Sally had never had a man pleasure her like this, thinking of her before his own enjoyment and it was having a profound effect on her, she wanted to have his baby, she wanted to marry this man, she never wanted to let him go. Mark started to speed his thrusts and came deeply in the girl he was falling in love with. Mark finished and held his new love as they fell asleep in each other’s arms.
Sally woke first as the chill of the night brushed her bare skin. She felt a shiver run through her body.
“Bill, wake up, we have to get under the covers.”
Mark opened his eyes and saw the innocent look on Sally’s face. God she‘s pretty, he thought.
“Bill, it’s cold lets get under the covers.” Sally said.
“What time is it?” he asked.
“It’s three in the morning, we fell asleep.”
“I should go, I have to work in the morning.”
“Stay here, I’ll get you off in time.”
“You make it hard to resist Sally, okay I’ll stay. Get me up so I can go home and change.”
“I will. Bill, I think I love you.”
‘Sally, I’m having feelings for you too, but there are things about me you don’t know about and after I tell you, you might not like me.”
“You’re not married are you?’
“Oh no. I’ve never been married and half the reason is my job, and the other half is that I’ve never met the right girl.”
“What do you mean your job, what are you a hired hit man?” giggled Sally.
“No, just the opposite, I’m with the FBI and my name isn’t Bill, it’s Mark, Mark Conrad.”
“You’re a cop? Why should that make a difference? I was in jail once, does that mean you hate me?” Sally said as a tear fell from her eye.
Mark pulled her to him and held her. Mark was having very strong feelings for this girl and he needed to comfort her.
“I could never hate you Sally, in fact I think I might be falling for you.”
Sally pulled Mark tight. She was feeling something else for this man other than the lust they had earlier, she felt protected. She had never had a man make her feel this way before, all they ever did was fuck her or make her give them blowjobs, but this man wasn’t forcing anything on her, he just wanted her to feel safe. Sally began to cry, she couldn’t control her feelings, she felt like a person again, not some sex object. If she were to lose this man she didn’t know what would happen to her, she couldn’t lose him.
Mark felt Sally crying and just let her be, he knew why she was crying, because he made her feel safe.
Sally turned the lights off and wanted to go back to sleep but as she felt Mark cuddling against her she placed his hand on her breast. She felt comforted when his hand was there. Mark felt his girlfriend’s breast and marveled at how good it felt, soft and sexy but with the smallest amount of sag. He began to caress it and felt her nipple become hard. He too was becoming aroused and soon was fully erect. Sally was moaning as he took her from behind and they made love until they came and found blessed sleep with Mark still deep within her.
***
Sarah picked up Mialing and they drove to get Marlene.
“God Mialing, you look so hot, we’re going to have guys all over us.”
“You look good too Sarah, your husband had better be worried.”
“He could care less, he’s probably doing someone else anyway, the bastard.”
Sarah honked the car horn when they reached Marlene’s house. Marlene’s parent’s had a second home and let her use it until she got on her feet. With three small kids the likelihood of that happening were nil.
Marlene looked good. She kept in shape and despite having three children she had kept her figure. Her dress was off the shoulder and mid thigh in length. It was royal blue in color and hugged her figure like a glove.
“Marlene, you’re going to have to share the guys with us,” laughed Mialing.
“I’ll be lucky to have one dance with you looking like that,” giggled Marlene.
The girls entered the dance club and found a table. This was a nice club in one of the casinos and had a dress code, suits for the men and dresses for the women.
Sarah ordered a white wine as did Marlene and Mialing ordered her customary soda.
Sarah was asked to dance first and then Marlene. Mialing was asked by this hunk of a man and was soon on the dance floor. She danced with him for several dances, all fast. A slow dance started and he swept Mialing into his arms. He pulled her tight against his body with his right arm and held her hand with his left. Mialing’s arm went farther around his shoulder as the dance began. He was several inches taller than Mialing even with her heels on.
“Have you been here before?” he whispered in her ear.
“This is my first time,” she responded.
“What’s your name?” he asked as his lips touched her ear.
“Mialing.”
“That’s a very pretty name, where are you from?” he asked as his lips caressed her ear.
Mialing was getting flustered, the movement of their bodies against each other was causing Mialing to feel aroused, her nipples were becoming engorged and now the caressing on her ears was doing something to her that only Mark had made her feel, lust.
“I’m from Hong Kong,” she whispered, barely able to speak.
“I’ve always wanted to visit Hong Kong, maybe some day. What do you do?”
“I’m a blackjack dealer,” she said as she began to quiver. Mialing’s inexperience with men was showing and she was easily being seduced.
“I’d better sit down for a minute,” she said. She had to gain control off herself.
The man escorted Mialing to her table and then asked her if she would like to join him at his. He didn’t want to lose this girl, she was by far the most beautiful woman in the room and God was she hot, if she was this easy already, I know I can get her in bed.
“I’ll have to ask my friend’s.”
“I can wait.”
He wasn’t going to go anywhere and lose the girl, not a chance.
Sarah returned first.
“Sarah, this is, I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name.”
“How rude of me, I’m Bradley Morgan and we came over here to see if it would be alright if Mialing joined me at my table.”
“Of course, run along Mialing, we’ll let you know before we go.”
Now Mialing didn’t know what to do, Sarah had as much as told her to go with Bradley and she was afraid to go with him. She didn’t like losing control and yet he made her feel so good, she should be all right, she thought, just stay in control.
Bradley escorted Mialing to his table and asked her what she would like to drink.
“Just a soda will be fine,” she answered.
The drinks arrived and Bradley wanted to know more about this princess.
“How long have you lived here?” he asked.
“I’ve lived in Vegas for four years. I lived in Reno before that.” She replied.
“You speak very good English, where were you educated?”
“In Hong Kong. I went to a catholic school and everyone speaks like this.”
“Did you know you have a British accent, it’s very sexy.”
Mialing blushed when he said that. Why is he affecting me so, she wondered.
“Actually you sound like you have and American accent to me,” giggled Mialing.
Bradley felt his penis twitch when Mialing giggled, God is she sexy he thought.
“Do you feel rested enough to dance again?” he asked.
“I thought you would never ask,” she purred.
This girl was driving Bradley crazy with lust. She would speak and her voice was like an aphrodisiac to him, he had to seduce her.
The dancing began anew with Mialing and Bradley dancing their best. All the songs were fast so things were light hearted and Mialing began to trust Bradley and she did like to be with him.
A slow song began to play and Bradley swept Mialing into his arms. This time however he let go of her hand and placed both arms around her waist and pulled her tight. Mialing saw other girls in this predicament and put both her arms around his neck. Bradley pulled Mialing tight enough to feel her breasts against his chest and let the rhythm of the dance make their bodies rub softly together. Mialing could feel her nipples getting hard and the sexual tension building in her body. She was becoming flushed, and then she felt it, Bradley was becoming aroused. Before she had met Mark, she would have run from the dance floor, but now, she liked what she was doing to this man, having the power to make him hard, to make him want her and much to her concern make her want him. Mialing was losing control and didn’t even know it and when Bradley kissed her she pulled him tight and kissed back. The kiss lasted for several seconds and when the couple broke it Mialing looked into Bradley’s eyes and saw something she had only seen in Mark’s, the longing to mate with this girl. Mialing pulled Bradley’s lips to hers and kissed him deeply allowing her lips to part and take his tongue deep in her mouth. The song had ended and they finally parted when they heard applause for their show of love.
Bradley bowed but Mialing blushed, she was embarrassed. She had never been seen kissing in public before and she turned scarlet with the attention.
“Walk with me?” Bradley asked.
“I’d like that,” Mialing responded.
The couple walked outside into the desert night and through the hotel gardens. There was a soft breeze caressing Mialing’s neck and hair.
“You have the most beautiful hair I’ve ever seen.” said Bradley.
“Thank you,” Mialing said as she blushed with the compliment.
The couple had been holding hands the whole time they had been walking. Bradley turned and lowered his lips to Mialing’s and kissed her. Mialing pulled Bradley tight to her and her lips yielded to his tongue. This kiss lasted for minutes and when they broke for air they started all over again. Mialing liked what was happening to her, she was being seduced and when Bradley’s hand found her breast she was his. She wanted him right now, she wanted him inside her so she reached for the erection in his pants and took it in her hand.
“I want you Bradley,” she gasped.
“My room is in the hotel, I’ll take you there.”
“I have to tell my friends that they can leave without me.”
“Okay.”
The couple found Sarah, and told her Mialing didn’t need a ride home. Sarah gave Mialing a hug, knowing what Mialing was going to do.
Mialing took Bradley’s hand and followed him to his room.
Bradley opened the door for Mialing and she entered. Mialing felt fear and yet her lust for this man overcame her fear. Mialing wanted this man.
Bradley closed the door and swept Mialing into his arms covering her with kisses. The feel of Bradley’s lips on her neck and face were making Mialing want him that much more. His lips finally met hers and she parted hers to receive his tongue. Bradley’s hand found Mialing’s breast and caressed it with loving touches. His other hand found the zipper to her dress and slid it down until it stopped. He reached back up and unfastened the eyehook, which allowed Mialing’s dress to slip from her body. His hand caressed her now bare skin sending shivers up Mialing’s spine. Bradley was a very accomplished lover and knew how fast he should move to finalize the lovemaking. His hand found the catch on Mialing’s bra and soon her breasts were free of their confinement. Bradley lowered his mouth to suckle her nipples. When he did this Mialing begged him to penetrate her.
“Please take me Bradley, please,” she moaned.
Bradley led her by her hand to the bed and lowered her onto it. He removed his clothes and lay next to her, kissing her gently on her neck while he caressed her breasts with his hand, Mialing moaned with each kiss and rolled onto her back inviting Bradley to enter her. Bradley rolled over on top of her and with a well-practiced motion slowly entered her. Bradley was larger than Mark and Mialing felt discomfort as he buried himself inside of her. Bradley felt the girl tense when he entered her and stayed still until she could adjust to his size. As he felt Mialing relax he began to move very slowly not wanting her to have discomfort. Mialing had stretched enough to enjoy the invasion and lifted her hips to help Bradley gain more depth. Bradley knew from practice that he could now increase the in and out motion.
Mialing was on fire and as she wrapped her legs around Bradley’s back she had orgasm and pulled him into her as deeply as she could. Bradley was an expert at this and knew he would be able to bring her off several more times before he too would be satisfied. Bradley was amazed at the fire within Mialing. She held him and met his thrusts. She was an incredible lover. Bradley finally came and collapsed on the most satisfying woman he had ever fucked. Mialing couldn’t stop from moving her pussy against the man, his penis felt so good inside of her. Bradley went soft but didn’t fall out. The couple just lay together and held each other not wanting what they had done to end. Mialing loved the way this man had made her feel and she wanted more. She began kissing his lips and then moved herself slowly so as not to have him fall out of her. Bradley felt this caressing of his penis and it began to harden once again. Mialing was in control now and she liked being able to affect a man like this. She rolled Bradley onto his back and sat up on top of him and started to grind her vagina on his penis. Bradley had been in this position before but no one had done to him what Mialing was doing to him. The feelings he was getting from her was beyond description. Mialing kept this up for fifteen minutes knowing when Bradley was about to cum and then would stop and then bring him back to that point until he exploded inside of her. Mialing had learned what she could now do with her sex organ with a man and control him like a puppy, Bradley was lost and Mialing was on top of the world. She had discovered sex with Mark and Bradley had brought her to a new level of enjoyment and now she had learned how a woman could control a man and have him completely under her spell. Mialing felt like the happiest woman in the world.
***
Mark heard the alarm clock Sally was nice enough to set. He opened his eyes and wondered where he was then remembered Sally. He had fallen out of her and rolled over onto his back. Sally had rolled over and her hand was resting on his chest, She looks so innocent when she sleeps, he thought, I could get used to being here. Mark rose and went to the bathroom t take care of business. Sally moaned when he left her. She opened her eyes and saw Mark was missing from her bed. She started to panic until she heard the toilet flush. Mark opened the door and walked back to her bed and kissed her good morning.
“Good morning sweetheart,” he said. After the previous night Mark was opening his heart to someone other than Mialing and he was feeling conflicted. He had cheated on Mialing and yet for some reason he didn’t feel that bad about it, he really liked this girl.
“Mmm, good morning,” she purred.
“I have to get going, I’m supposed to be at work in an hour and I still have to shower and change my clothes,” he responded.
“We could shower here together,” the little minx stated.
“I’ll lose my job if we do, I’ll never leave you if we do.”
“That’s the idea,” she laughed.
“I’ll see you after work at the café and then we can see where this is going,” he said.
“You can move your things here and get out of that hole, it’s much cleaner.”
“Maybe I will, I’d like that.”
Mark left and went to his hotel to change for work He checked the door and the hair was still where it belonged. He entered his room and grabbed a towel so he could shower. He had to remove the evidence of the previous nights lovemaking before he dressed for work. He dressed and hid his Glock under the bed and attached his twenty-two to his leg and placed his hair alarm in the door and went to work.
He arrived just on time knowing that this was his next to last day on the job because tomorrow the FBI would raid the place. He conducted his business as usual but couldn’t stop thinking about Sally and how she had moved Mialing aside in his heart. He loved Mialing but now there was conflict and he wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore. He was supposed to move in with Mialing and yet now he wasn’t sure he wanted too. He had to find his way and couldn’t if he were to live with Mialing. He wanted both of these women and wasn’t sure of what he should do. He really didn’t know either one of them since all he did was have great sex with each of them. He knew both girls were extremely vulnerable, and needed to have someone to guide them, but could he, crap, he was always on assignment somewhere, he had to think.
His day ended and he returned to see Sally and then go to his room and pack things up for his move to Sally’s. He wouldn’t be staying long, a week at the most until all the paperwork was done on the case, but he might as well be with her rather than stay alone.
Mark opened the door to the café and Sally looked up and smiled. Her smile was one of those I love you smiles, not a, hi, new customer smile, but one that said I missed you all day and when we get home you’re going to get the biggest kiss.
“Hi,” she said, “How was your day?”
“To long, I missed you today.”
When Mark said that she wanted to hug him but because she was at work she touched the back of his hand. In her previous relationship all she ever heard was give it up, I’m horny and never, I missed you. It was always a relationship where the guy would take and she would have to give, especially after the meth started, then she would have to give just to get her hit on the pipe. Now she had been clean and sober for over a year and when Mark said things to her she felt special. Mark, knowing what kind of hell she was coming from wanted nothing more than to make Sally feel like special woman. Mark was a special kind of man.
“I missed you too.”
“Do you want to eat anything, or do you want to wait until I get home and I’ll fix something for you.”
“You shouldn’t have to do that, not after working all day.”
“I don’t mind,” she said as she mouthed, I love you, to him.
Mark felt like a schoolboy again with this girl, she was so giving, she didn’t hold anything back, her heart was an open book, God he was lucky.
“You talked me into it, I’ll see you when you get off of work. I’ll go get my things and move them to your place.”
“I’ll see you at nine,” she said as she beamed her biggest smile at him.
Mark left the café and felt like skipping down the street, this girl made him feel so special. She’s so sweet and caring, so much like Mialing, shit, Mialing. Mark hadn’t called her yet for some reason he didn’t want to this evening, he was moving in with Sally, just until his assignment was done and he felt guilty. If I call her she’ll know that I cheated on her and if I don’t, what do I tell her then? Mark was in a quandary, he loved Mialing and he had feelings for Sally. He wasn’t sure if it was love yet but his head was swimming with all kinds of thoughts. Who do I choose, or do I just date both girls and decide later? Sally’s so giving and open, I know there is nothing she wouldn’t do for me. Mialing’s a different girl, quiet and hard to get to know, there’s a mysterious quality about her, but when she does give of herself you know it’s from the heart and that she really gave of herself more so than most women would. Both girls are beautiful to look at, Sally with a sexy girl next door look and Mialing’s a girl who carries herself in such a classy way that one were to think she was royalty. Mark decided to call Mialing before he got to his hotel.
“Hello,” answered Mialing.
“Hi honey, it’s me,” said Mark, “How was your wild night out with the girls?”
Mark had no idea of how wild it had been for Mialing, if he knew he wouldn’t have felt guilty for moving to Sally’s apartment.
“We had a good time, what did you do?” Mialing answered, as she turned red with guilt.
“Nothing much, you know, just watched TV and went to bed,” he said, well at least the last part wasn’t a lie, he just left out the part about Sally.
“When are you coming home?”
“In about a week and a half. We’re raiding the place tomorrow and then I have some things to clean up and then I’ll be home.”
“Okay sweetheart, call me tomorrow, I love you.”
“I will, I love you too,” Mark said, as he felt like shit for saying so.
***
Mark reached his hotel and went up to his room. As he placed the key next to the lock he noticed the hair was missing. His stomach turned a somersault when he saw the missing hair. Luckily he hadn’t pushed the key into the cylinder to warn the man inside of his presence. Mark was angry that he hadn’t brought the Glock but he still had the twenty-two strapped to his leg. He pulled his cuff up and took the weapon in his hand. He pulled the hammer back and pushed the key into the lock and turned the cylinder, releasing the dead bolt. The dead bolt was all that held the door shut as the hotel was too cheap to invest in a latch handle too. Mark’s room was laid out in such a way that when the door opened, it opened in, from left to right and was on the left side of the room as you entered. Mark knew from training that the man would be standing either directly behind the door or the near right corner just down from the door so Mark wouldn’t see him when he pulled the trigger. The man didn’t know Mark was FBI and didn’t expect what was about to happen. Mark kicked the door open and did a forward roll through the door past the end of the bed. Mark heard the man’s gun fire a round and the bullet sing by his ear. He landed and turned his gun in the direction of the corner and fired off two rounds. The assailant’s gun was much louder, probably a 357, than the relatively quiet twenty-two. The man went, “argh” as he was hit in the shoulder of his gun hand. This threw the gunman’s aim off as he fire off two more rounds and fled the room. Mark shot once more hitting the man’s leg as he ran through the door. The man ran down the hallway leaving a trail of blood. Mark wanted to follow the man and capture him but the accurate range for the twenty two was only about ten yards before you were guessing where the bullet would go and he didn’t want some innocent person getting shot. The man stumbled down the stairs and into his car and sped away. The hotel manager had called the police when he heard the gun shots and sirens were screaming as the police cars stopped in front of the hotel.
“Where did the gunshots come from?” asked the first policeman.
“From the second floor, in the back.”
The cops pulled their weapons and carefully climbed the stairs to the second floor.
“Police, throw out your weapons,” the officer shouted.
“I have two and I’m FBI,” answered Mark as he threw both of his guns into the hallway.
“Come out of the room with your hands behind your head.”
Mark knew the drill, the police didn’t know if he really was an FBI agent so he did as they said. The police ran to Mark and pushed him to the floor and handcuffed him. The officers brought him back into his room to find out what happened.
“Do you want to tell us your name?”
“Mark Conrad.”
“Tell us what happened.”
“I came home and knew there was someone in my room and since I’m undercover I can’t tell them I’m FBI, so I unlocked the door and kicked it in, and did a roll as I entered. He fired off a round and I only had my backup pistol and fired back. I hit him in the shoulder and he fired off two more rounds and ran out the door. I shot at him one more time and hit his leg before he cleared the door and then that’s when you came.”
“What did the guy look like?”
“He was around six feet tall and looked like he was German or Austrian. He had a moustache and light brown hair and was wearing jeans and a dress shirt, with a jacket over the top and that’s about all I can tell you.”
“You say you’re FBI, can you collaborate that?”
“Yes, call this number, they’ll answer ‘Johnson’s Appliances,” tell them who you are and that you have me and need to know if I’m telling you the truth and then I need to talk to them.”
The policeman called the number and talked to Mark’s contact. In the meantime another officer called his station to have them make sure Mark’s contact was real. When both officers heard he was telling the truth they released the handcuffs.
“Thanks guy,” Mark Said.
“Sorry we had to do that but you know the procedure.” said the officer.
“No problem, I would have done the same thing,” Mark responded. “Look it’s getting late and I was supposed to be somewhere a half of an hour ago, I’m moving out of this hole so I’ll grab my things and then the room is all yours.”
“CSI should be here any minute, your going to have to leave the gun you used as evidence, but since you didn’t use the Glock you can take it with you, I’d hate to be you and not have some kind of protection.”
“Thanks guys.”
***
Mark packed his things and carried them to Sally’s apartment. He rang her number and she buzzed him up.
Sally opened her door for Mark. He could tell she had been crying.
“Sally, honey, what’s wrong?”
“I thought you had changed your mind about coming here.”
“I wouldn’t do something like that without telling you first. I had a problem at the hotel, someone tried to shoot me.”
“Oh Mark, are you alright?” Sally said as she ran to Mark’s arms.
“I’m fine, the other guy isn’t though, I got him twice.”
Sally started trembling and held Mark tighter, “That could have been you,” she said.
“I’m fine honey, really.” Mark said.
“I don’t know what I would do if I were to lose you,” Sally said as she dissolved into tears. Sally was just gaining control of her life and now she had found a man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with and he was almost killed because of his job, she was in hysterics.
“Baby, I’m alright, really, please calm down, please.”
Sally finally gained control of her emotions and looked up at Mark and said, “Kiss me.”
Their lips touched and the feeling of love passed between Mark and Sally. The kiss lasted for a moment before they parted. There wasn’t the feeling of lust when they did, just the relief that they had each other, they were in love.
***
The next day the raid went down as planned. Mark didn’t participate because they had to make Bill Jepson disappear. The ambush was the perfect ruse to attain that goal. The agents arrested every one at the business when the raid went down. Mark was in the office talking to Jason Willard the man who had invented Bill Jepson and given him an identity.
“I’ll tell you Jason, I thought this assignment was going to be a walk in the park, but when that guy almost killed me, I was thanking you to high heaven for the identity you gave me.”
“It was easy Mark, at least they didn’t hurt you and after the news paper comes out with your death reported you should be okay.”
“How long have you been doing this identity thing anyhow?”
“I guess it’s been around eleven or twelve years now. I started back in Colorado and worked there for ten years and got tired of small city living and transferred to Chicago, best move I ever made.”
“You worked in Colorado, one of my first cases ended up there, a guy named Tommy Wong. He was a mean prick, killed I don’t know how many men. We gave him immunity and he went back there for relocation. I couldn’t believe the things he told us. From the look of him you’d think he was just some quiet Chinese kid but after what he told us, he was scary.”
“Did you say Tommy Wong? I remember a Tommy Wong, God what a screw up that was. Poor son of a bitch comes to us for protection and almost gets killed. Some bastard from the gangs infiltrated the bureau and tried to kill Tommy. Yeah, it’s coming back now, Tommy took off, I couldn’t blame him after what had happened. We killed his assailant but Tommy didn’t know and he took off running. We didn’t hear from him for over a year and then one day he shows up at our door, dirty and cold. He asks us if we can make him disappear. The first time he was here we had the perfect setup for him. He had learned his new identity and everything, all he had to do was testify to the jury and he would have disappeared. We thought we had our shit together with this one, but I guess we didn’t. He told us that he had been found and the gangs tried to kill him back in New York, he was lucky to get away, at least he trusted us enough to come back.”
“What happened then, I heard from a friend of his that he was dead?”
“I guess you could say that since Tommy Wong doesn’t exist anymore, not with his new identity.”
“Where did you relocate him to?”
“I don’t know where he went, after we finished with him he left and disappeared. He was the most expensive remodel the agency ever did.”
“How’s that?”
“Well he came back that night and asked if we could make him disappear. He said that we had to change his appearance or he was dead. We owed him big time for what he had done for us. All the information that he gave us was invaluable. We never went to trial with it but apparently the gangs took care of the problem for us. Who ever was in charge put the order out and all the parties that Tommy told us about were executed. We think this goes all the way up into the Chinese government but after Winston Chang was killed the trail stopped. We figured though that there were still people looking for Tommy so we agreed to help him become a new person. You know how Tommy had those eyes, well even if we were to relocate him to bum fuck Egypt someone would recognize him so we did the only thing that made sense, we made him into a woman.”
“A woman?”
“Yep, a woman. Boy was he pissed when we told him what we were going to do. He said no way, but after we explained that it would be the only way for him to disappear he finally agreed to it. It took a ton of work and money, but like I said we owed it to him. We had the finest doctors and surgeons for everything. We started him on hormones and while they did their work we taught him his new identity. After about six months we gave him breast implants and then the serious work started. We had to feminize his face, what a bitch of an operation that was. They had to peel his face back and shave his skull and then they did his nose and chin. He was bandaged up for weeks and when the bandages did come off it looked as though someone had beat the crap out of him. While he was under they shaved his Adam’s apple and tightened his vocal cords. The first time I heard him speak after the operation I couldn’t believe it was Tommy, his voice was like music, when I heard it, it freaked me out. The hormones had given him curves and with the implants he was looking hot. We gave him electrolysis and the more we trained him the more like a woman he became. The last thing was the big operation. He was already freaking out about what we had done to him and after we finished making him a woman, he almost had a break down. It was about three months after the final operation that he finally got to see the finished product in the mirror. I remember that day as if it were yesterday.”
“There were three of us in the room with him, his nurse, his surgeon, and me.”
“Tommy we’ve finished all that we can do with you, the rest is up to you. We want you to see what we have done and explain to you what you must do so certain things aren’t undone. Stand in front of the mirror and I think you will be surprised, you look wonderful,” said the surgeon.
“Tommy walked to the mirror and waited for the nurse to remove the blanket covering it.
When the blanket dropped Tommy gasped.”
“Meet the new you Tommy, what do you think?” asked the surgeon.
“Tommy was staring at the reflection. Looking back was this creation of beauty that any man would give his right arm for. There was a look of horror on his face and then he started to cry, imagine, Tommy Wong crying.”
“Why are you crying, Tommy?” asked the surgeon.
“I’m crying because when I saw myself in the mirror, I felt like I was getting an erection and then I looked down and there was nothing there. I wanted to make love to myself. All I could think of was, what a beautiful girl that is, and then, it hit me, I’m that girl, I don’t want to be a girl like that, I just wanted to disappear.”
“When I first saw the completed Tommy, I couldn’t believe how pretty he was, his hair was just touching his shoulders and his figure was soft and round in all the right places and his face, God he was so God awful pretty. Those eyes were haunting, I fell into the depths of them and to be perfectly honest, I think I fell in love with Tommy that day. Here was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen standing naked in front of me and I had helped create her. To say I was getting excited would be an understatement, I had wet dreams about that girl for months afterward, and when she left the compound it broke my heart. I knew she was once a man but after we finished with her there was no way I could have ever considered her as being a man, she was just too beautiful. She had been training to make all her movements feminine and now everything she did said woman.”
“Tommy the phenomenon you described is called the phantom limb syndrome. It’s very common for amputees to feel things with a hand that had been cut off even though the hand is gone. The nerves to the limb remain and the brain still sends signals to the limb as though it’s still there. That feeling will go away eventually but for now it’s something you’re going to have to live with.”
“What about me though, I still feel like a man, I look in the mirror and I want to do me, when will I feel like I look?”
“That’s hard to say, maybe never or maybe next week, that’s up to you. The hormones you’re taking will help you feel more like a woman over time, but whether you will feel completely like one is anyone’s guess. I’d suggest that you see a therapist when you leave here to help you come to terms with yourself.” the doctor said.
“I’m sorry doctor, but I don’t like any of this just yet, isn’t there anything you can do?”
“I’ve done everything I could do, I made you into a person that won’t have to look over your shoulder all the time wondering when someone would shoot you. Try to come to terms with yourself Tommy, it’ll make life much easier.”
“The nurse looked at Tommy and said, “You’re very lucky to be so pretty Tommy but if I were you I would pick a different name, calling yourself Tommy doesn’t help you accept who you are now.”
“I’ll have to think of a name, I don’t know if I can do that just yet.”
“That’s when I said, “Tommy try to pick one soon because I have to invent a whole new life for you including birth certificates and citizenship papers. There will be a lot for you to learn before you leave here.”
““Tommy, let’s get you dressed, you’ve given these men enough of a thrill for today,” said the nurse as she glared at me.”
The nurse wrapped the blanket around Tommy and led her away so she could get dressed. I didn’t see Tommy for several days and then he asked me to come to his room. Tommy was wearing makeup and had her hair styled. She was wearing a blouse and a pair of shorts. I couldn’t help staring at her legs. They had become so soft and shapely from the hormones and hadn’t noticed before because she had always been wearing Tommy’s clothes but now, I was getting an erection just being with her. She was so sexy and didn’t even know it, I had to get my mind elsewhere.
“Hi Tommy, how are you feeling?” I asked.
“I’m feeling fine, Jason and I finally decide on a name for myself, Mialing.”
“What a pretty name, how do you spell that, M-Y-L-I-N-G?”
“No, M-I-A-L-I-N-G, do you like it?” Tommy asked in a voice that was begging for approval.
““Tomm, oops, I mean Mialing, it’s a very pretty name. It fits a woman as pretty as you,” I said. I didn’t mean anything by what I said but she was that pretty and I couldn’t help myself, she made me feel like a babbling idiot. I’m not a good looking man and talking to a girl as pretty as Mialing was doing funny things to me. The only girls that ever talked to me were the ones nobody paid attention to or were too drunk to see and now I was talking to this gorgeous woman that would make the handsomest man have trouble talking and she was blushing and at a lose for words.”
“Jason, please don’t take this wrong but I don’t like you saying things like that to me. I still feel like a man and it makes me feel like I’m having a gay encounter when I talk to another man. I’ve seen myself and know what’s going through another man’s mind when he looks at me, heck I even feel that way, so please don’t say things like that to me.”
“I’m sorry Mialing, it wasn’t intentional and I shouldn’t have said what I did. I’m supposed to keep this on a professional level and I didn’t, I’m sorry.”
“That’s when she did something that I think surprised her as much as me, she touched the back of my hand and said that she forgave me. I never wanted to wash that hand again.”
“Mialing stayed with us for around a year while she trained and the hormones took effect. When she left us her figure was thirty-three bust a twenty four inch waist and thirty-two inch hips. We knew that she would continue to fill out if she didn’t stop the hormones to probably thirty-four twenty-four thirty-four, a perfect figure.”
“She really never got into the whole female thing, you know makeup and clothing. I think the only reason she did makeup was to please her instructors and the only thing she wore was something loose and usually black in color, a button up blouse and black pants. She never wore skirts or dresses and always flat shoes. She learned how to walk in heels but never wore them by choice. She never showed her legs, the only time I saw them was when she first saw herself and after that she kept covered. It was as though she didn’t want to let go of Tommy. You could tell by her actions that she didn’t want to be a woman, even though everything about her was feminine from her walk to every movement she made there wasn’t anything masculine about her. Occasionally I could tell she had been crying and knew why, she just couldn’t accept being a woman. I felt really bad for her but what had been done to her had to be done or she would have been killed or I should say he would have been killed. I will say though that she really worked hard at being Mialing. Every detail and nuance about her became second nature. She learned everything about her past and never made a mistake when asked about her previous life but you could tell she wasn’t happy. There was always an inner struggle and an outer struggle going on with her. I don’t know if she ever resolved her conflict, Mialing was a wonderful person, but the poor girl was so confused.”
Now Mark was the one in conflict, he had just learned of Mialing’s past and didn’t know how to feel. He loved Mialing, or the illusion of Mialing and yet he wasn’t sure how he felt just now. Mialing used to be Tommy and Tommy was scum. Tommy was also a man and now Mark was in conflict. He loved Mialing more than he had loved any other woman and now he had found out that she had a secret, one that gave him the creeps. Mark wished he had never found out about this secret, he didn’t know what he would say to Mialing now. He had to see her anyway because of the way he felt about Sally, did he love her or Mialing more, who did he want to be with? Now he had found out where Mialing had come from and it was making the choice easy, Sally was the obvious choice, she was caring and sweet and loved Mark without question, and she was a real girl. A real girl, Mark had never even given that a thought, he loved Mialing, but now, God he was so confused, this isn’t right, he still felt the same about Mialing, he still loved her and now he felt perverted about loving her, shit, why me, he thought.
***
Mialing was feeling wonderful after her night out with the girls. She felt some guilt but yet she felt liberated after her night with Bradley, she felt like a woman, a real woman, Mark had made her feel this way first and Bradley only helped push her farther along. It had taken Mialing seven years to find this place in her life, always being afraid or the feeling of being a man make her stop from becoming a woman but now she finally felt free to become the real woman she was.
Mialing was back to dealing cards the next day and the difference was profound. She was enjoying the flirtations of the men at her table and it showed. Before Mark and Bradley she would remain aloof when men made advances, but now it was as though a wall had been taken down, she had become a giggly young girl in love with her femininity, Mialing had finally made that final step to becoming a woman, the man Tommy was finally gone, no more fears, no more ghosts, just the freedom to be a sensual young woman. Mialing was in love, yes somewhat with Mark, but more so with the femininity she had discovered, she was finally free to explore what she had tried so hard to bury these last seven years, being the beautiful woman she was.
Mialing went on break and sat with Sarah.
“Sarah, let’s go shopping tomorrow before we have to work,” said Mialing in an excited voice.
“What’s gotten into you, you never wanted to shop?”
“I need some new clothes, all I have are the same old boring things I was always wearing.”
“I have to admit some of your things were pretty boring. These guys you’ve been seeing must have made quite an impression on you.”
“I guess but it’s more than that, I want to dress nicer, maybe even wear a skirt for a change.”
“Well girlfriend, I didn’t even know you had legs until the other night when we went out. You should show them more often, they’re gorgeous.”
“I’ve always felt self-conscious about them, actually about me, I think it had to do with going to that girl’s school in Hong Kong. The only time we showed anything was when we played basketball and even then the boys weren’t allowed to watch.”
“You’re so beautiful it was a shame to keep it covered all the time. I’ll go with you, I’ll see if Marlene might want to go too, although I doubt she can, what with her kids and all, she’s pretty broke.”
“It’ll be fun, I can’t wait.”
The next day Mialing picked Sarah up in her GEO. It was all the car she could afford, and it was cheap. She had bought it used, with low miles on it, and driven by a little old lady from Henderson, originally from Pasadena, at least that’s what the salesman had told her. This being her first car she didn’t question what he had told her and besides she only drove it to and from work and as long as it ran well she was happy. In the past two years she probably hadn’t put more than ten thousand miles on it. It was a boring chick car but she was happy with it.
“Let’s go over to the mall on the north side, I think there are better stores there,” said Sarah.
“I hope so, I’ve been buying my nice things in the south side mall and they don’t have a very good selection and they’re expensive.”
“The mall is like half the price for clothes, we’re going to have so much fun today.”
The girls arrived at the mall and they were on a quest. Normally when Mialing shopped it was for something she had committed to but now it was time to fill her wardrobe with clothes that said, “I’m a young available woman.” No more boring drab clothing for Mialing, other than what she had worn for Mark when they went away for the weekend she had nothing that was fun. Loose fitting and concealing, that was the old Mialing. This was going to change, Mialing had finally become an exciting young woman in search of her femininity.
By the time they left the mall Mialing had loaded her car with tops, scoop neck T’s, tank tops, tube tops, lacy blouses, formal, casual, you name it, she bought it. Next came the shorts, all tiny and all tight, the skirts were short except for the one conservative knee length one as were the dresses, short long she didn’t care as long as they made her look good. Victoria’s Secret was many hundred dollars richer when she left as were the several shoe stores she visited. She bought low shoes and high shoes, sexy shoes and shoes that weren’t quite as sexy but still looked good, after all as much as she wanted she couldn’t wear those four-inch heels all the time.
“God Mialing, how can you afford to buy all this?” asked Sarah.
“I never did anything with my money except save it, so I might as well splurge once in a while,” she giggled.
***
Mialing dropped Sarah at her apartment and returned home to wait for Mark’s phone call. When it didn’t come she began to worry, had something happened to Mark? Did he find out about her infidelity, that would have been impossible but because of her guilt she thought the worst.
Mark could have called but he knew Mialing would have been at work and because of the information he had learned about her, he was reluctant to speak to her fearing that he might say something he would be sorry for later. Mark had to sort things out. He wanted to be with Sally now and yet Mialing still had this strange hold on him, did he still love her or was he just curious now as to how such a beautiful feminine woman could have been Tommy?
Mark called the next day and explained that he had been shot at and had reports to make and that’s why he hadn’t called.
“I’ll be coming to see you tomorrow and I have something to ask you,” Mark said.
“I’ll pick you up at the airport, I love you,” she replied.
“You too,” he answered.
Mialing went to work and couldn’t wait to talk to Sarah and Marlene.
“Mark called and he’s coming tomorrow,” Mialing said excitedly.
“Oow, I bet you guys make up for lost time,” giggled Marlene.
“Stop it Marlene, you know Mialing would never do anything like that,” laughed Sarah.
“Stop it you two, Mark said he has something important to ask me,” said Mialing, “I think he might ask me to marry him.”
“You lucky girl, he sounds like such a nice guy, does that mean you will be leaving us?”
“I don’t know, maybe or we might live here, it’s up to him.”
“Do we get to be bridesmaids?” asked Marlene.
“Of course, who else would I have, you’re my best friends.”
The next day found Mialing at the airport waiting for Mark. He finally appeared behind the security area and waved to Mialing, who waved back. When he emerged from the secured area Mialing ran to him as fast as her four-inch heels would allow. Mialing was wearing some of her new clothing and looked hot. Her blouse was low cut allowing more cleavage to show than she had ever allowed to be seen before and her skirt was short, only coming to mid-thigh. She was wearing panty hose and was made up to perfection. All the guys couldn’t help but wish they were Mark as she threw herself into his arms.
Mialing pulled his lips to hers and gave him a kiss that said I love you and just wait until we get back to my place to see what else you’re going to get. Mialing noticed a certain stiffness to Mark when she kissed him but not where she wanted that stiffness.
“What’s wrong sweetheart?” she asked.
“It’s nothing, I guess I’m just tired,” he answered.
The couple walked to Mialing’s car and drove to her apartment.
They entered Mialings apartment and Mialing grabbed Mark and kissed him again, parting her lips and extending her tongue into his mouth and this was getting the reaction Mialing was hoping for, Mark was becoming aroused. Mark on the other hand didn’t want this to happen, he wanted to remain calm and not feel this lust for Mialing but she was winning him over, he couldn’t contain what he was feeling at this moment and allowed Mialing to seduce him. He felt her breasts pushing against his chest and her hand rubbing his growing erection, he was done, he had to have her one more time. He had to feel her soft flesh against his and hear her moan as she was pleasured by his sex. He removed her blouse and bra and lowered his mouth to her breasts, her perfect soft breasts and began to suckle her nipples. When he did he felt her hand become more needy on his erection and then she let go of it and pulled her skirt and pantyhose from her body as she stepped out of her heels. Lastly she removed her panties and pulled his erection into her, she couldn’t even wait for him to take her to the bed. She was groaning as he moved within her and leaned against the wall to keep from falling. Mark felt the tightness of her pussy as he stroked in and out of her and wondered how anything man made could feel so good until he exploded inside this perfect creation of beauty. Mialing was trembling as she came to her second orgasm and wondered why she had waited so long to accept her femininity. Having a man inside of you and doing what Mark was doing was next to heaven she thought and now I hope he asks me to marry him, she thought.
Mark pulled out and tried to come to his senses. He had just made love to Mialing again and he was here to break up with her, how could she have such an effect on him. It must be a perversion he thought, he knew the truth about Mialing and yet he just fucked her and even worse he wanted to do it again. He couldn’t still love her could he, he loved Sally and yet he still wanted to be with Mialing, maybe even more than Sally, he had to get away from this girl before his mind became warped.
Mark took Mialing’s hand and led her to the couch and lowed her down to it. The couch felt cold on her bare rear as she felt it touch the cold leather.
“Mialing, there is something I have to ask you,” said Mark.
Wow, he doesn’t mess around, I hope he’s going to ask what I think he is, she thought.
“Yes,” she responded with a smile.
“Mialing, you told me Tommy was dead, why did you lie to me?”
Mialing turned pale, this wasn’t what she expected, not by a long shot. Okay don’t ask me to marry you but don’t ask me about Tommy either, she thought.
“You promised me that you would never ask me about Tommy again, so why now?”
“Because I know about you and Tommy.”
“You don’t know anything about me or Tommy. I told you Tommy died seven years ago because he did. Tommy’s gone and can never come back,” Mialing said as tears began to fill her eyes and her voice didn’t hide the anger she was feeling toward Mark. “I have to put something on,” she said. She didn’t want to sit naked with Mark just now, she felt nothing but contempt for him at this moment.
Mialing went to her room and put on her robe and came back to talk to Mark. He in the mean time had put his briefs back on.
“Okay Mark, you tell me you know all about me, what do you really know about me?” she asked.
“I know you were Tommy.”
“I was Tommy, what a laugh, do I look like Tommy, well do I?” she asked as her voice rose with anger.
“No,” he answered sheepishly.
“No, I don’t because I’m not Tommy. I’m Mialing not some murdering asshole that died seven years ago. There might be some of his bones left in my body but Tommy died a long time ago. Yes he became me but that’s all. Everything about him is gone and you were the last thing that made him disappear. You have no idea how hard this journey has been for me, do you?” she asked as a tear fell from her eye. Mialing was a beautiful feminine woman and had the emotions of one and try as she may, she couldn’t stop herself from showing just how feminine she had become.
“No,” Mark answered, he was at a loss for words. He had made love to this extraordinary woman and thought he had seen most of her emotions but now he was seeing something else. She was angry and yet she was showing a strength born only from hardship, she had become a real woman and was proud that she was.
“You’re right you don’t know, so I’m going to tell you.”
“When Tommy returned to the facility in Colorado it was the end of the line for him. If he couldn’t disappear he would be dead within a month so the government told him they would help him, after all they did owe him a debt of gratitude. They told him the only disguise that would work for him would be to become a woman. He thought they meant for a while until things calmed down and then he could go back to being a man. They said it didn’t work that way, he would always be a woman or he would be discovered and probably die. He wasn’t sure but agreed to the change. The first thing they did was to start him on hormones. During this time they began femininity training. Tommy hated it because he felt like a little fairy acting all swishy and such. He didn’t realize he had to learn how to become a woman not just look like one. After several months the hormones were starting to take effect and Tommy was becoming very emotional. His training wouldn’t go well and he would cry, can you imagine, Tommy crying?”
“No, I really can’t, he was such a hard person.”
“Well he did and then his breasts started to develop, God that put him over the edge. He was pissed off at everyone all the time, his training was going in the dumper and he wanted nothing to do with being a woman. One of the men took him aside and explained that they couldn’t help him if he wasn’t going to help himself. Tommy finally realized they were right and calmed down to some extent but didn’t like what was happening to him. After three months he was beginning to get a little fleshy in the breast area and they decided they could start to change his appearance. They operated on his face and gave him small breast implants and shaved his larynx. They tightened his vocal cords and then let him heal. You have no idea of what kind of pain he had from all this work and it lasted for months. During this time they kept working on his demeanor and as the hormones worked on his body they also were working on his mind, it was becoming feminine. His movements were becoming second nature to him and his voice was also becoming the one you hear today. Tommy hadn’t seen himself yet and the people decide to wait until the final operation was over so he would only see a woman and the man would be gone, figuring one shock would be all he would need to see. The final operation took place and that one was the worse, not so much the pain but knowing that his sexual organs had been removed or changed in such a way that he would never be a man again. The recovery period was terrible, having to have yourself cleaned everyday so as to prevent infection. Do you have any idea of how violated you feel when you have to open your legs wide and have a nurse clean you out, God it was terrible. After they removed the packing I had to start dilating myself. Tommy was a man and had to fuck himself with this plastic rod several times a day everyday or what was done to him would be undone. Over time it just became work and then they would increase the size of the thing so he would become larger. Tommy asked why it had to be larger and they said that way he could take a man down there. Tommy became so upset he stormed out of the room and stopped dilating for several days and then figured he had better do it or he would close up and have nothing to show for his work. Even after a few days it hurt to start again, both mentally and physically. He had to reduce the size until he was stretched out again and made a promise to never miss a session with the thing. By the time he left the compound he had been able to use the largest size.
It was finally time for Tommy to see the results of the government’s work on him. He had healed from all the surgery and for the most part the swelling had gone down. His breasts had developed more flesh and were almost a B cup in size. They didn’t want to make them too big because they wanted Tommy to look real not like some plastic surgery wonder. They styled his hair and put on his first bit of makeup. They had him stand in front of a covered mirror and dropped the blanket from the surface. When Tommy saw what they had done to him he was in shock, he was beautiful and he felt his nonexistent penis becoming hard and looked down to see nothing, it was gone. Tommy didn’t know whether he should hit something or cry he was so angry, so he looked at himself in the mirror and decided that crying would fit what he saw, girls don’t hit things. After that he was given some clothing to put on and led back to his room.
After several days Tommy calmed down enough to continue his training. Now they started with cosmetics and hair, he had to learn how to make himself presentable. Day after day, makeup on, makeup off, shape your nails, paint both toes and fingers, set your hair wash it out until Tommy learned what to do. It was during this time that he gave in and decided that being called Tommy and looking as he did that he needed a new name. He remembered a girl he had a crush on when he was ten years old in Hong Kong named Mialing and decided to take her name. He liked it because it was so pretty and feminine sounding and very exotic. Mialing was a name you could fall into when you said it, Mialing. Mialing finally learned everything she was going to learn from her teachers and decided it was time to leave. Everyone hated to see her go. She was a sweet girl now, Tommy the punk was gone and had given birth to a woman any man or woman would be proud to call a friend. The government told her they would relocate her in some small town somewhere but she decided to go where she wanted and not be holed up like some criminal. They gave her enough money to live on until she could find a job and take care of herself. She decided to go to Reno and went to gaming school and learned how to work in a casino. She liked the action and soon was dealing blackjack for a club. She liked playing cards for a living but didn’t like the unwanted attention she was getting from men. She was called everything from a prude to a stuck up bitch and she hated being a woman. That changed when she became friends with a dealer named Tiffany.
Tiffany was an older woman and noticed Mialings discomfort with men.
“Why do you feel so distant towards men?” she asked Mialing one day.
“I’ve never had any experience with them,” I answered.
“That’s hard to believe, your so beautiful and all the men I see would love to, well you know, get you in bed.”
“That’s the problem, I don’t feel comfortable around them.”
“You’re not a lesbian are you?”
“No, I just haven’t ever had a sexual experience before.”
“Well honey, it’s time to get you laid.”
“Tiffany,” Mialing cried in shock, that this older woman could be so frank.
“Mialing, I don’t mean for you to just jump in bed with anybody, I mean you should go out on a date. I know just the perfect guy, he’s single and he has perfect manners, I think you’ll like him.”
“I’ve never done this before.”
“I’ll help you, I’ll ask Carl if he’s interested and then if he wants to take you out I’ll help you to get ready. Do you have anything to wear other than the clothes I always see you in?”
“No, this is all I have to wear.”
“Then it’s about time that you went shopping for something decent. I’ve known you for two years and have never seen you wear anything decent, don’t you have anything to wear?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean girl’s clothes, the only thing you ever wear are those loose fitting black pants and that blouse, hell you could be a man under all that and nobody would know, I’m taking you shopping.”
That was the first time I ever went shopping for feminine clothing. Tiffany brought me to a mall and had me try on all kinds of things. At first I was embarrassed but as the day wore on I started to have fun. I had never really worn feminine clothing and I found that I liked it. Tiffany had to bring me to Victoria’s Secret for under wear because the only thing I wore was big old cotton panties. They were fine for what I wore and they weren’t feminine in the least, they could have been men’s underwear except that they didn’t have a fly. I tried on some hip-hugger jeans and they showed and that’s when Tiffany made me buy new underwear. I bought a satin pair of thong panties and put them on and bought a push-up bra to match. When I had both of the undergarments on it was as though something inside of me changed. They were so soft and caressed what little skin they touched with a softness that made me feel like a new person, I felt like a woman. I liked the way I was feeling and couldn’t wait to try on more clothes. I had never worn a skirt or dress before and when I finally put them on I felt free, I had put Tommy to rest. I didn’t buy many things that day, but what I bought was very pretty and very feminine.
I went on the date with Carl and for hours beforehand I worried that he would find me unattractive. I bathed and then primped for hours, I couldn’t seem to get anything right. I don’t know why I was so nervous, I guess it was because this was my very first date with a man. He took me to dinner and was very nice to me and had a hard time keeping his eyes off of me. When I saw myself completely dressed I knew why, I was gorgeous. I had on a white dress that was low enough in front to show my new cleavage and the hem was high enough to show much of my legs. I had on three-inch sandals with an ankle strap and my makeup was sexy looking. My hair wasn’t nearly as long as it is today but it still looked nice. When Carl saw me I thought he would pee his pants. Apparently Tiffany didn’t tell him what I looked like and he thought he was doing her a favor by taking me out. He was a perfect gentleman all night long and could tell he wanted to kiss me goodnight in the worse way but I wasn’t ready for that just yet, so I shook his hand instead. I didn’t think he would let go of mine until I said that I had to get inside. I dated him a couple more times and on our last date he told me how much he liked me and wanted to take our relationship farther. I didn’t know if he meant he wanted to see me exclusively or take me to bed. In either case I wasn’t ready for either one so I let him kiss me goodnight. It was my first kiss from a man and I thought I would be repulsed by it, but I wasn’t, in fact I kind of liked it. It made my nipples get hard and I flushed, I was actually getting excited. I said goodnight and went to bed. It was then that I decided to move to Las Vegas. I was afraid of my feelings and the only way to stop them was to move. I moved the next week.
I took a job where I work today. The only thing different about this job is that I have to wear a skirt and blouse and look good for the players. In Reno I was able to wear my ugly things as long as people played at my table but here things are different. I have to look good and I do enjoy the flirtations that go on with men. I dated a few and had nice dinners and such, even kissed them goodnight but until I met you I had never had sex with a man, you woke a whole new person when you penetrated me the first time, I became a complete woman, before that I was just a pretty shell with nothing inside but then it happened and I was complete. You have no idea how I felt before that act of love, I was lonely and didn’t know why, but after that night I knew, I knew that being a woman had made me the happiest person on earth and being with a man made me complete. Mark, I’ll be honest with you I love you and would follow you to the ends of the earth, but if you can’t find yourself able to look at me and say, “I love this woman more than life itself,” then maybe we shouldn’t be together, I’ll understand, but know this Mark, I do love you more than you will ever know and if you can’t see me as a woman then maybe we shouldn’t be together.”
Mark looked at this beautiful woman and wanted to take her and love her until eternity. God he loved her, she was so open and honest with him and yet that little demon inside of him kept telling him that he would be perverted if he were to be with her.
“Mialing, I’m so sorry, but I can’ be with you right now, I just can’t.”
Tears filled Mialing’s eyes, how could he not want me she wondered, she was a woman and nothing would change that and if he didn’t want her then it would be his loss, Mark was being such a fool. The tears finally fell from her eyes staining her satin robe. Mark went to take her in his arms to comfort her.
“Don’t, please don’t, I want you to leave now, I can’t be with you right now, you’ve hurt me terribly Mark and I hope one day you realize what you lost when you pushed me aside like this. I love you Mark and probably always will but I can’t have you here right now, goodbye,” Mialing said as she rose and went to her bedroom. Mark could hear her crying as he put his clothes back on, he wanted to go to her and beg her to take him back but that little voice wouldn’t let him. Mark left her apartment and found a quiet place to cry.
***
Mark returned to Chicago to tell Sally of his decision. He had called Sally from the airport to let her know he had returned and was on his way to see her. Sally was nervous as to what Mark might have decided. She was deeply in love with Mark and the thought of losing him had been eating at her all week long. She had decided that as much as she loved Mark she would let him go to the other woman if that’s what he chose to do. After all Mark had done for her she couldn’t think of pressuring him to stay with her, she only wanted him to be happy. She heard her buzzer ring and knew it was Mark and with her luck in life knew he would leave her for Mialing.
Sally opened her door and was greeted with a big hug from Mark.
“I missed you so much,” he said.
“I missed you too.”
“I told you I’d be back, let me take you to dinner so we can talk.”
“But I made dinner already, nothing fancy, just meatloaf.”
“You did that for me, Sally, you’re the best, I love you.”
“I love you too Mark, you know that.”
“Sally I need to talk to you about my trip to Las Vegas, a lot of things happened.”
Here it comes thought Sally, he’s going to leave me for that other girl, God why did he have to have her, couldn’t he be with me instead?
“Sally, as much as I loved Mialing, I decided that I want to be with you, you’re the one I really love and I want you to move to San Francisco with me.”
“Mark you want me to go with you?” Sally squealed with delight.
“Yes honey, I do.”
“When, I have to give notice at work and pack up my things, Mark, your not kidding me are you?”
“No Sally, I’m not kidding you, I want you to be with me, I love you.”
“Oh Mark you made me the happiest woman in the world, you won’t be sorry, I’ll make you so happy.”
“Sally you already make me happy, I want to do so much for you, let’s hurry up and get you moved.”
Sally moved with Mark the next week. She really didn’t have much, mainly clothes and a few remembrances, so the move was easy. They settled into Mark’s apartment and became like a married couple Sally found a job in one of the nicer restaurants in the city and began to pay her own way. Mark told her she didn’t have to but wanted to be part of a relationship where nothing is taken for granted. Sally loved doting on Mark and he on her. He would bring her flowers just because and buy her jewelry, they were terribly in love and there wasn’t anything they wouldn’t do for each other. Sally was finally happy with life, she was with someone that loved her for herself and not to use as a sex object.
She had told Mark of her life before she had met him, about the abuse as a child and being used as a punching bag and then as a sexual relief for her stepfather when she was twelve years old. She couldn’t take it anymore and ran away when she was sixteen and met her old boy friend. He took her in and used her until she was so drugged out she didn’t even care when the cops arrested her. She cleaned up in jail and knew her old boyfriend had ten more years to serve on his sentence so she got her job and stayed clean. It wasn’t easy and she was tempted at times to start the drugs all over again but knew if she did she would end up back in jail or worse maybe dead. That was when Mark came into her life and made her see the good side of life and made her thank God that she didn’t do the drugs again.
***
They had been together now in San Francisco for about five months when Sally came to Mark.
“Mark, I have something to tell you and I hope you won’t be mad,” she said.
“Sally I love you, you would have to do something pretty bad to make me angry with you.”
“Mark, I’m pregnant, we’re going to have a baby.”
Sally had a look of fear in her eyes. She had become pregnant once before and her boyfriend made her get rid of it and she feared Mark would do the same.
Mark’s face lit up with a smile Sally hadn’t seen before. This was an I love you so much and am so proud of you type of smile that Sally knew Mark was truly special.
“We’re going to have a baby, honey sit down, I don’t want anything to happen to you, when did you find out?”
“Today, I took the test this morning.”
“Honey, you just made me the happiest man in the world, I love you and I love our baby.”
Sally ran to Mark and kissed him deeply.
“Baby, I was so afraid you wouldn’t want it, I was so afraid,” she trailed off.
“Why wouldn’t I want it, I love you Sally and want our baby more that anything.”
“I love you Mark,” she said as tears filled her eyes, tears of joy.
“Sally, we have to get married, the baby has to have a name, Sally will you marry me?” Mark asked.
“Mark, oh Mark, yes, I would love to be Mrs. Mark Conrad,” replied an excited Sally. Never in all her dreams did she think that abused girl would ever become someone’s wife, let alone to a man as wonderful as Mark Conrad.
Sally and Mark were married in a civil ceremony the following week, with Mark’s parents in attendance. They liked Sally because of her caring nature toward their son, she would make a wonderful daughter-in-law.
Another month past and Mark wanted Sally to quit her job, he didn’t want to hurt the baby.
“Mark, working isn’t going to hurt the baby. I knew girls that worked right up until they had the baby and everything was fine, we’ll be alright.”
“I’m sorry Sally, I just worry a lot about you and the baby, I don’t want anything to happen.”
“Mark, your so silly, nothings going to happen to us, women give birth all the time so don’t worry so much.”
“Okay, but if you feel anything I’m taking you right to the doctor’s, I love you Sally.”
“Mark, I love you too, nothings going to happen to our baby.”
Mark was at work the very next day when he was called in to his director’s office.
“Mark, we’ve been hearing some rumbling from the east coast and your name has been mentioned predominately. I think that their organization might have put two and two together and might have figured out that you’ve put a kink in their organization both in Atlantic City and Chicago. I think there might be a hit out on you so be careful.”
“I will boss, does anybody know who might be looking for me?”
“I think it might be that creep you winged in Chicago. With all the stuff we had on them I think they figured out that you weren’t killed like the paper said you were. Like I said, watch your back at all times.”
“I will.”
Mark didn’t want to alarm Sally so he said nothing of his conversation with his boss and as the weeks past the conversation was forgotten. Mark was wary but started to get careless. He didn’t notice little things like the strange car parked in his neighborhood or the person following him at a distance. This went on for weeks and Mark could only concentrate on Sally and the baby.
Sally was close to five months pregnant when she called to Mark.
“Mark, Mark, the baby, the baby, she squealed.
“Oh my god, what’s wrong should I call the hospital?”
“No silly, the baby just kicked, come here quick and feel it.”
Mark rushed to Sally’s side and she took his hand and placed it on her stomach.
“Feel that?” she asked.
“I didn’t feel anything,” he responded.
“There did you feel that?”
“You mean that little quiver?”
“Yes, that’s the baby, our baby and she’s saying hello to you.”
“She, our baby’s a girl?”
“I don’t know, I just have a feeling, you know how girls are they get excited when they see their father.”
“Now Sally, you’re being silly.”
“No I’m not,” Sally pouted.
“Yes you are,” Mark said as he kissed her deeply.
The following day Mark and Sally went to find a crib for their baby. Mark helped his lovely Sally from the car and they started to walk to the store. They were deep in conversation and Mark didn’t hear the car drive up behind them until he heard the staccato of the automatic weapon open up on them. Mark felt he first bullet enter his right shoulder blade and the second his left upper shoulder. The shooter had started to the right of the couple and as the recoil hit the gun it rose as he sprayed the area. The force of the bullets pushed Mark into the collapsing Sally, for she had been mortally wounded. Sally collapsed to the sidewalk and Mark fell beside her. Mark could barely move but gained the strength to roll Sally onto her back. Blood was coming from Sally’s mouth and he could hear her breathing becoming labored as her lungs filled with blood.
“Mark, what happened?” she asked.
“We’ve been shot.”
“Mark, I don’ feel good, I’m cold.”
Mark knew as the blood went to her lungs it wouldn’t go to her limbs and she would feel cold. Mark was losing the woman he loved and their baby and couldn’t do anything to stop it.
“Mark, I’m afraid, don’t let our baby die, please,” she whispered. “Mark put your hand on our baby.”
Mark raised his hand with great pain and effort and placed it on the swelling of Sally’s stomach and felt the baby kick one last kick, the end would come soon.
“I love you Mark,” Sally wheezed with her last breath.
“No, don’t die Sally, please don’t die, I love you so much, please baby, please,” Mark cried as he collapsed on top of his beloved Sally as unconsciousness took him.
Mark woke in the hospital with tubes running to his arms and to the sack on the pole stand next to his bed. There was a police officer outside his room. He felt pain from the shattered bones in his upper body. Sally, Sally, where was Sally and then the realization that Sally was dead hit him again. Mark groaned.
The nurse came to mark’s bed in the emergency room when she heard him to see if he was regaining consciousness.
“Mr. Conrad, you’re awake, how do you feel?”
“Like shit, what happened?”
“You and your wife were shot. It was an ambush.”
“Is she?” Mark said as his voice trailed off remembering the last time he saw Sally.
“I’m sorry, she was dead when the ambulance arrived.”
“Did they get the shooter?”
“No, you should stay still, you’ve lost a lot of blood and your shoulders have some broken bones in them. We’re going to take you to surgery soon to pin them back together. You’re going to be off of work for some time to recuperate, I’m sorry for your loss, Mark.”
***
When Mark left Mialing, she was devastated. She was so in love with him and now he was gone. She had given herself to him as a way of showing him how much she loved him and now he had abandoned her. Why, she wondered, why, she was a woman and nothing more, hadn’t she proved that to him, what else could she do. She wasn’t some sleazy slut but a woman with class, yes a woman, nothing more, nothing less, why, why had he rejected me? Poor Mialing knew nothing of Sally and had she known maybe she would have felt differently about Mark’s rejection, not that she would have felt better but at least she would have known she had a rival.
What Mialing didn’t know was that Mark still loved her very deeply. Mark loved both Mialing and Sally and being the person he was didn’t want to hurt either one, but after the blowup at Mialings he felt he had to be with Sally. He had seen how happy Sally was after being treated like a lady that he couldn’t hurt her, after all she had been hurt enough in life and he didn’t want to hurt her again.
Mialing didn’t know any of this and tried to get her life back together after Mark left. The important thing was that Mialing had become a complete woman and was learning how to control her emotions. She had learned that she loved having sex with a man but also to be selective and she didn’t sleep around, so to speak. She had several sex partners after Mark left and became a woman that liked being treated as a woman, with class.
Mialing still couldn’t rid herself of her love for Mark, nor he for her. Even while he was with Sally he would wonder what his life would have been like with Mialing instead of Sally, not to say he was unhappy with Sally but there was still a special spot in his heart for Mialing. After Sally became pregnant, Mark’s love for Sally grew beyond description and Sally became a changed woman. She loved decorating and housework, everything she didn’t before she met Mark. Mialing still couldn’t stop thinking of Mark and decided that maybe if she moved away from Vegas she could get over him. Her dates with other men only reminded her of the wonderful times with Mark.
Mialing moved to Long Beach and got a job on a cruise ship as a dealer in their casino. She liked the freedom the ship provided, deal at night, sleep and then enjoy the sights when they docked during the day. There was no shortage of men to date and if one got lucky she would bed them, Mialing was living an enchanted life.
***
Mark was put back together and spent several months recuperating. During this time Mark had little to do other than remember Sally and their baby. Mark was angry and had started to drink, just a little each day but a little soon turned into a lot. Mark’s body had healed but his mind hadn’t, Mark was becoming a bitter man. He was still on leave and he wanted to find the person that had killed his Sally. The only way to do that was to return to work and have access to the criminal files of people wanting to kill him. Mark was looking for revenge and hoped to find it.
Mark was back to work for a month when he was called into his director’s office.
“Mark, we’ve noticed that you don’t seem to be the same person that left here last year,” he said.
“How do you expect me to be after losing my wife and baby?” he snarled back.
“That’s what I mean, we’re here to help you and you treat us like we were the ones that killed your wife.”
“I’m sorry but I’m pissed off.”
“I understand that Mark but you can’t keep this up. Not only are you surely at work, your drinking is becoming a problem.”
“My drinking, what do you mean?”
“I mean you’re drinking too much, and your doing it on the job.”
Mark thought he was being discreet about his alcohol consumption but didn’t realize that he smelled like a drunken sot.
“Mark, I think you need help. I want you to see the shrink that handles the bureau affairs and do something about it.”
“Yes boss.”
Mark started treatment and quit drinking. There was something missing in his life though and he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Mark was discovering that he missed being with a woman, and not just any woman, he missed Mialing.
Memories of Mialing came flooding back, why had he rejected her when he knew that he loved her more than he had loved any another person in all his life. He had loved Sally but deep down he had loved Mialing more and had let his stupid prejudice stand in his way to ask her to marry him. Mark had to find Mialing again and hope she hadn’t married and could find her way clear to forgive him for his stupidity.
Mark also had a need to find the person who had tried to kill him and had succeeded with Sally. While that person was still on the loose Mark wouldn’t be safe and beside it would make him feel a lot better to put a bullet between the bastard’s eyes for what he had done to Sally and his baby.
Mark started by reviewing all his old files and came to the conclusion it was the mob from Atlantic City that had put the hit on him and he had to do something to correct what was happening to him. Mark asked for some personal time off so he could fly back east to find the right person to talk to.
Mark contacted the person who could do the most good, Vince Valentine, double V as his close associates called him. Vince was the head of the Atlantic City mob and Mark had been a real pain in the ass for him. Mark had screwed things up for him in Atlantic City and Chicago and there was no love loss between the two men, but Vince respected Mark for having the guts to do what it was he did. Mark had cost Vince a lot of money by infiltrating his organization but the way he figured it, that was the cost of doing business.
Mark set up a meeting at a local restaurant to be sure they were in the open so that there would be no attempt on Mark’s life.
The two men greeted each other.
“Vince, nice to see you, I can see that your enemies haven’t found you yet,” said Mark with a wry smile on his face.
“I could say the same for you Mark,” laughed Vince.
“Vince, I might as well get right to the point, someone is trying to kill me and I want it to stop. I know we’ve had some differences and I’m sure you would be happy to see me gone, but I’m not going away.”
“Look Mark, I know we have our differences and you’ve done a lot of things that have made me really angry but it’s not in my best interest to have you killed. If I were to do that, I’d have the FBI all over my ass in a minute. It’s bad enough being investigated all the time for bending the law a little, but if I were to expand into murder I could really be in trouble.”
“What about that killing in Chicago, I know you had something to do with that.”
“Mark, Mark, how can you say such a thing, just because we had our fingers in that little venture doesn’t mean we had that Bill guy killed and besides, he was an ex-con who was stealing from innocent people, he deserved to die.”
“Look Vince you know as well as I do that murder is murder and if I can find a connection to you, I will. Right now though I’m more concerned about my own health and with who ever is trying to kill me. They made an attempt on my life and killed my wife and unborn child which makes me very unhappy and if it doesn’t stop I’ll take matters into my own hands.”
“Mark, if I wanted you dead, you would be dead right now. We both know that you were Bill Jepson in Chicago and I don’t know who put the hit out on you, but it wasn’t me. It was probably the guy running the operation, all we were was the money behind it. The guy that was supposed to do the hit was wounded twice and I think he might be doing this as revenge for failing to kill you the first time.”
“I want it to stop Vince, I want his name.”
“If I give you his name will you leave me alone for a while?”
“Of course Vince, you’re a business man and I hate to get involved in another man’s business.”
“His name is Max Rhinehart. He came to this country illegally five years ago and has made his living so to speak by killing. I don’t know where to find him but I’ll put the word out that you would like to find him in the worst way. I have to go now Mark. It’s been nice to see you again, but please don’t hurry back.”
“Thanks for the help Vince, I won’t forget what you did for me,” replied Mark.
***
Mark received an anonymous phone call three day’s later stating that Max was in Denver and he was on a sales call so to speak, he had someone to kill. Mark jumped on the next available plane to Denver with the hope he would find Max and take care of some unfinished business.
Mark landed in Denver and made his way to the local FBI office with the hope they could help him find the person Max was going to kill. Since Mark was on leave they didn’t want to help him at first but after contacting his home office in San Francisco they relented and gave him the information he wanted, and besides Mark would be helping them get a killer off the streets. Mark was given an address on the outskirts of Denver and he made his way to the location only to find it swarming with cops. Mark made his way to the first available officer.
“What happened?” asked Mark.
“Some poor son of a bitch was murdered,” responded the officer.
“It wasn’t Brian Nelson was it?” asked Mark.
“How did you know?” asked the officer.
”I was coming to warn him,” stated Mark as he flashed his FBI identification at the officer.
“Do you know who did this?” asked the officer.
“Yes I do and I’m after the killer myself. Do you know how long ago this happened?”
“With in the hour, his wife was on the phone with him when she heard the shots and she called us right away. You had better talk to the investigating officer right away, Bob will you escort this guy inside and have him talk to Benton?”
“Sure Jack, come this way,” said Bob.
Bob escorted Mark to Benton’s side.
Benton was a slim man with thinning hair and a moustache. He seemed to have a perpetual frown on his face, the rigors of crime investigation causing him to become jaded to life in general. He was a single man and other than his job he had no real life other than law enforcement. Even in his spare time he would spend time with evidence and had become a sour person for his efforts.
“What do you want?” snarled Benton.
“My name’s Mark Conrad, and I’m with the FBI. I know who did this killing and was on my way to warn the man that he was in danger,” Mark responded.
“You know who did this?” asked Benton as his demeanor changed. If this guy knows who did the killing I don’t have to solve the crime and can work on something else, Benton thought to himself.
“Yes, a killer named Max Rhinehart and I’m after him. I had hoped to beat him here and take him off the streets, but I can see I was too late.”
Mark was angry, he wanted to find Max and to be perfectly blunt, kill him but now he had escaped and Mark would have to continue the hunt for his wife’s killer.
“Do you know what he looks like?” asked Benton.
“I’m not sure, I know he’s from Germany and he’s in the country illegally, but other than that I don’t have a clue,” responded Mark.
“I think I might know a way to get him,” said Benton, “I think he will probably try to fly out of here as soon as possible, so we alert the airport to find men with German accents and we take them into custody for interrogation and maybe, just maybe we’ll get lucky.”
“Well good luck, I’ll be at my hotel for a few days, so let me know if you find anything,” said Mark as he left the crime scene.
Benton called Mark the next day with the news that Max had been caught at the airport with the gun he used safely tucked away in his luggage.
Now Mark was pissed off, he wouldn’t have the pleasure of killing Max himself and he might not even be executed, Mark was going to become a bitter man, he had lost his wife and child and now he couldn’t even take care of things himself, shit, why did he have to get caught, the bastard, couldn’t he do anything right? He killed Sally, but he was after me and I lived, what a fuck up, and then he gets captured at the airport, God why didn’t he drive a car somewhere and escape so I could kill him, why, Mark thought, as he broke down in tears.
***
Mark returned to San Francisco and returned to work. His mind was cleared of the retribution he had sought and he was moving on to other things. Several months had past and Mark won an office pool for a four day, three nights cruise to Ensinada Mexico and to various sites off southern California.
Mark flew to Los Angeles and soon was boarding the cruise ship. The ship got underway and was finally beyond the twelve-mile limit, which allowed the casino to open. Mark decided to play cards for a while, until they docked at San Diego and he could play tourist for a change.
Casinos on boats are small and have only a limited amount of gaming tables and at this time of day only a few were open. He walked to the first one that was open and laid his money on the table. He hadn’t really looked at the dealer but when he did he almost fell off his chair, he had found his beloved Mialing.
Mialing reached for Mark’s money and stopped when she saw whose money it was.
“Mark, what are you doing here?” she asked.
“I won this cruise at work, what about you, I looked for you in Vegas and found you had moved with no forwarding address, why?”
“I can’t talk about it now, can you meet me after I get off my shift?”
“I’d love to, there are a lot of things to talk about, I’ve missed you Mialing.”
“I’ve missed you too, we’ll talk later, if I don’t start dealing I’ll get fired,” giggled Mialing.
Mialing’s giggle went straight to Mark’s heart, why did he ever leave her he wondered, he had been so in love with her and he threw it all away for Sally. He had loved Sally and after she became pregnant their love grew but not in the same way he had loved Mialing. He would have done anything for her, anything, and yet he had let his penis think for him in Chicago and he dated Sally for the first time. Maybe what had happened between Mialing and himself was fate, because if it hadn’t been for Sally, Mialing would be dead today. Mialing would have been the one walking with Mark when he was shot, not Sally and now he had found Mialing again because of a drawing at the office, maybe fate was in God’s hands after all, one could only wonder.
Mialing finished her shift and she found Mark playing dice at the craps table.
“Mark, I’m finished for the evening, would you like to go somewhere and talk?” asked Mialing as she laid her hand on Mark’s. The light danced off her perfectly painted nails as they beckoned to Mark to fall under Mialing’s charms.
Mark and Mialing went out on the deck of the ship and stood under the perfectly lit sky, it was a sky made for lovers with a million stars looking down on the couple.
Mark embraced Mialing wanting to feel the love from her that was once again filling his heart, but what he received was not what he expected, Mialing gave him a “It’s nice to see you again,” hug, but there was nothing more to it, what had changed he wondered.
“It’s nice to see you again Mark, it was quite a surprise when you came to my table,” Mialing said.
“When I saw you, I couldn’t believe my eyes,” responded Mark.
“How have you been Mark, its been a long time?” Mialing said in a way as to let Mark know they were no longer lovers but friends having a conversation.
“I’m fine Mialing, a lot has happened since the last time I saw you, what about yourself, how have you been?”
“I’m fine now, there were some issues I had to deal with but I’m over them now. So tell me what you have been doing, are you married now?”
“You knew I had been married, how?”
“I called your work to talk to you about my problems and they told me you were with your wife so I hung up the phone without leaving my name, to be honest Mark I was devastated when I heard that, I was so much in love with you.”
“Mialing I was in love with you too, but some things happened while I was in Chicago that turned my life upside down, maybe I had better start from the beginning.”
“That day I told you I was staying home, I really had a date with a girl named Sally. I felt so guilty about it that I lied to you so you would never know but something happened and I went to bed with her and stayed the night. The next day some guy tried to kill me and that was when I found out about your past. I was falling in love with Sally, but I think it was more of a need to protect her than the love I felt for you. The last time I saw you I was conflicted, especially about your past and decided to be with Sally instead of you. I was a fool, because I still loved you more than her but I made a decision based on a fear that wasn’t justified. Sally moved to San Francisco and started to live with me and she became pregnant, we were going to have a baby. She was five months pregnant when the same guy from Chicago tried to kill me again and failed. He did kill Sally and our baby instead and I ended up in the hospital for months. I was angry and set out to find the man that had killed my child and his mother. As the time past I thought about you more and more and tried to contact you in Vegas but you were gone. I found the man in Denver but not until the police found him first or I would have been charged with murder myself. He was arrested and I went back to work in San Francisco and my anger finally went away. I know this might sound corny but it was as though God was guiding me back to you. If all the little things that happened hadn’t happened we wouldn’t have found each other again. I won the drawing for a cruise on your ship, Sally was murdered and I lived, I didn’t find the killer soon enough to kill him and go to jail, it has to be a sign Mialing, I still love you.”
“Mark, I didn’t know, I feel so bad for your child, but let’s be serious, all those things were a coincidence, nothing more, God had nothing to do with it.”
“I’m not so sure Mialing, I love you and want to be with you, don’t you want to be with me?”
“I can’t Mark, I’m seeing someone else.”
“Do you love him?”
Mialing was silent for a moment and then said, “He’s kind to me.”
“I didn’t ask you that, do you love him?”
“No, I haven’t felt love since you left me,” Mialing responded as her eyes began to water.
“Then be with me again, please Mialing, I love you.”
“I can’t right now Mark, I don’t want you to hurt me again.”
“I would never hurt you again, please trust me?”
“I trusted you once before and you broke that trust, it will take time Mark, please be patient with me.”
“Will you see me while I’m on this cruise?”
“I will if you’d like, but it’s going to cost you for what you did to me, I only wished they charged you for food on these ships, I’d make you pay dearly,” giggled Mialing.
She giggled, she giggled, maybe there is hope for me yet, thought Mark.
“I want to take you to dinner and I want to spend time with you while we’re in port, I want to take every moment you have that’s free Mialing, I want to prove that I’ve changed.”
“You’ve got a deal Mark Conrad, I’m yours as long as we’re on this ship but after we land I have a commitment to someone else and he trusts me to be true to him on shore so we will have to see what happens after that.”
“Have dinner tonight with me?”
“I will but I have to change first, I’ll meet you at your stateroom, which number do you have?”
“721”
“Oh my, an upper deck, I’ll see you in a half of an hour.”
“See you then Mialing.”
Mialing walked off and went o her room, on a lower deck reserved for the crew. What should I wear, she wondered. Mialing had become a real woman and liked to look good now, not like when she first met Mark and her clothes proved it, they were feminine and for the most part sexy, Mialing liked to be seen now, she was proud of being a woman.
Mialing found the dress she wanted to wear. It was red and lacy, cut low enough to show a small amount of cleavage and short enough to show a lot of leg. She put on a strapless bra because the spaghetti straps wouldn’t hide the straps of her other bras and Mialing wasn’t a tacky dresser. Tonight she would wear nude panty hose and red strappy sandals that matched her dress. The four-inch heels would make her stand out in any crowd. She applied her makeup and brushed out her hair. She had wanted to cut it after Mark left her just to spite him but decided against it, why hurt herself for something he had done? Mialing looked in the mirror and was pleased with what she saw. She knew when Mark saw her, he would kick himself for leaving her, she was going to make him suffer for what he had done.
Mialing knocked on Mark’s door and waited for him to answer it. Mark opened the door and Mialing knew she had succeeded in what she wanted to accomplish, Mark was awe struck when he saw her.
“Mialing you look wonderful, let me grab my coat and we’ll be off.”
“That’s a nice suit Mark.”
“Mialing, I’m at a loss for words, I’ve never seen you look so radiant.”
“Thank you Mark.”
Mialing took Mark’s compliments in stride, where she would have once blushed, she now felt confident in herself and took them as they were, just a compliment, nothing more and nothing less, Mialing had become a complete woman.
Mark escorted Mialing to their table, and they were seated by the staff. The conversation was kept light since they shared the table with other travelers. After dinner Mark brought Mialing to the disco for an evening of dancing. There were few slow songs and when Mark took Mialing into his arms and felt her softness and smelled her perfume he knew he had to win her back, he was deeply in love with this woman. The dancing ended and Mark walked Mialing to her room, hoping for a goodnight kiss.
“Goodnight Mark, I had a wonderful time.”
“I did too, may I see you tomorrow?”
“That would be nice, we’ll be in Catalina, it should be fun.”
“See you tomorrow then,” Mark said as he leaned toward Mialing’s lips.
Mialing placed her hand on Mark’s lips and said, “not yet Mark, I’m not ready for that, maybe later but not now, I’m sorry.”
“I understand, good night Mialing,” Mark said with a sad puppy dog look on his face.
Mialing entered her room and closed the door. She smiled to herself knowing Mark was eating himself up over her and she was now the one in control. She wanted to kiss him goodnight, truly she did but she wanted him to suffer first so she couldn’t give in on the first date. Maybe tomorrow she might tease him with a kiss on the cheek but she was going to make him suffer.
***
The next day found them in port and the couple was walking around Catalina Island. Mialing looked very nice in her white shorts light blue tank top and four-inch wedge sandals and once again Mark was trying to win her over, but try as he may Mialing wasn’t going to give in just yet. Mark was going slow knowing that if he did anything to blow this again, Mialing would be gone for good. He placed his arm around Mialing’s waist and she around his giving him hope that maybe she still had feelings for him. What Mark didn’t know was that Mialing had never lost her love for him but he had hurt her very deeply when they first parted and she wasn’t going to allow him to do that to her again. She would allow him to gain entry to her heart again but only on her terms and if those terms weren’t met then she would have to push him aside for someone new, maybe even the man she was seeing in Long Beach, after all Laurence was very good to her and he wasn’t all that bad in bed either.
Laurence was Laurence Wang, a Chinese American whose parents came from China and opened an import-export business in Long Beach forty years ago and turned the business over to their son when it became too large and they became too old to run it efficiently. Laurence graduated from the Stanford Business School with an MBA and wanted to become an investor on his own but because of family ties he ended up in the family business. He wasn’t happy running his father’s business but a child from his background didn’t question their parents. This caused Laurence to make a decision several years before meeting Mialing that would change his life.
Laurence was approached by certain members of a Chinese gang and was made an offer he couldn’t refuse, look the other way and you will become rich. Laurence knew they wanted to smuggle drugs and human beings in the containers but if he played dumb it would mean a lot of money would come his way. What he didn’t realize that once he succumbed to his greed they would own him as they did Tommy years before. Laurence was making millions of dollars a year with little effort and his life style showed it. He drove the latest Ferraris and played on all the best golf courses, was a high roller in Vegas and live in Calabasas, nothing was too good for Laurence. Gambling was how he met Mialing and wanted her for eye candy for when he was seen by others, Laurence was a man that liked to look good but was very empty on the inside. Because of his wealth he was able to give Mialing gifts beyond her wildest dreams. She liked the attention Laurence gave her but couldn’t get past his lust for money, she knew she was just decoration for him but she also liked being with a man that knew about Chinese tradition. Mialing would have been much more selective about Laurence if she knew he was involved with the very people that were trying to kill Tommy nine years ago.
***
Mark and Mialing took the tour to the airport high atop Catalina Island, with Mialing clinging to Mark at every tight turn in the road. She would look over the edge of the road and the height of the cliffs made her dig her nails into Mark’s arm, as fear overtook her.
“Mark, we shouldn’t have come on this tour, this road really frightens me,” Mialing said, with fear in her voice.
“These drivers are on this road everyday, and besides, you’re safe with me here,” Mark responded.
“I suppose your going to hold the bus up when we go off the road?”
“If you were in it I would, I would do anything to protect you Mialing, anything.”
The couple reached the summit and disembarked for some refreshment. After the ride Mialing felt close toward Mark again, she felt safe with him and liked the way he had made her feel secure when she was most scared on the bus ride. This time with Mark was awakening old feelings she had wanted to bury and she was becoming confused with her new attraction to Mark, maybe she still really loved Mark and trying to distance herself from him was only hurting herself. She knew he had feelings toward her and he wasn’t afraid to show it, so maybe if she were to open up a little she would find where her heart really was, with Mark, or with Laurence.
Mark and Mialing walked around the exhibit in the airport building and went to buy some trinkets as a remembrance of the trip. Soon they were walking hand in hand and looking at the scenery around the area. Mialing, for some unexplained reason kissed Mark on the cheek.
“What was that for?” asked Mark as he looked at Mialing.
“I don’t know, I just wanted to give you a kiss, I’ve missed you Mark,” she responded.
“I’ve missed you too, we used to have so much fun together,” said Mark.
“Among other things,” giggled Mialing. Mialing was feeling frisky and wanted what was happening to go a little farther, she wanted a real kiss from Mark.
Mark couldn’t believe his good luck when Mialing had kissed his cheek with her soft full lips, maybe this might work out he thought. Mark had noticed a change in Mialing since they had arrived at the airport, she seemed to be more receptive of him, perhaps she was lowering her guard a little. Mark decided he would kiss her back so he took her into his arms and lowered his lips to hers and felt the magic as they touched. Mialing wanted this kiss and now she remembered why, she was still in love with Mark. The touch of his lips was awakening memories she had tried to bury and would have succeeded if it were not for this kiss, Mialing was surrendering to her long lost love. The couple broke the kiss with a sigh. Mialing held Mark tight and laid her head against his chest, now it was her turn to be in conflict, she loved Mark but Laurence was good to her and she knew he loved her but could she love him in return, only time would tell.
Mialing lifted her head and said, “Mark, we really need to talk. If this is to go anywhere I need to know where I stand with you.”
“You know how I feel about you, I never lost that even when I married Sally I loved you, I was such a fool to do what I did.”
“Mark, you tell me that you love me but you told me that before and then left me, what am I to think this time?”
“Mialing, please trust me, I love you and will do anything to prove that I do.”
“I still love you Mark, maybe because you were my first real love, I don’t know, I’m so confused right now.”
“Please lets work on this relationship, you’ll see that I’ve changed, I love you.”
“Mark, come sit with me, there’s something I want to tell you and maybe you will understand why I’m so afraid to start this relationship all over again.”
Mialing led Mark to a bench and the couple sat looking at each other.
“Mark, when I first met you I still hadn’t come to terms with who I was. I was an angry bitter person on the inside of my body. I wasn’t the Mialing I projected, but a very angry Tommy trapped as a woman. I couldn’t let go of the past, I felt if I was angry I would change back to what I was, the woman would go away. It’s much the same as a person with a slow disease, like MS. As the sickness takes over your body you do anything to fight it back including anger, thinking if you stay mad it will go away but it doesn’t. I thought the same way, if I stayed angry I would become a man again so for years I fought who I really was, until I met you. At first I was intrigued with you because you had known Tommy, but as our relationship moved forward I began to like you as a man and I started to have feelings I had never had before. I was feeling an attraction to you as a woman for a man and not as two buddies having a good time. You were helping me break down barriers that prevented me from living a full life as the person I really was. When you played that trick on me at the canyon and I thought I had lost you, it was as though I was losing myself too, I was finding my femininity with you and you were taking it away when you pretended to fall. When you came up smiling, I didn’t know if I should hit you or laugh at what you had done, and that’s why I was so upset. You had no idea of the conflicts that were going through my mind, I was finally ridding myself of Tommy and becoming Mialing inside as well as out and when you took me that night I finally felt free, I had become a woman at last. Tommy, the bastard was gone, I had finally rid myself of him and I was free, I had accepted who I was, a woman, not a man in a woman’s body, but a woman, free to be myself.”
“When you left to go back to work I found new friends at work and we would do things I was always afraid to do before. I didn’t want to wear feminine clothes or go dancing, especially interacting with men, but after you left, I was a woman and I needed to do those things. During the past year, I was angry with you for what you did when you left me, but it didn’t stop me from being a woman and for that I thank you and I’m sure that now you see a different Mialing in front of you. When you left, I was a scared little girl who had just gone through her puberty and you had deflowered, but now, I’m a woman and I’m proud of being one. I love you Mark, I won’t deny that I do but I won’t throw my femininity away just to be with any man, that man has to prove that he is worthy to have me. You see Mark, I have changed, I have a lot to offer and any man will be proud to have me when I do become their wife. Now it’s you that has to prove to me that I should want you more than any other man I should meet.”
“Wow, all that to tell me you still love me?”
“Mark, I do love you, and if I was still the same silly girl we would be in bed right now, but I’m not so I hope you think about what I just told you. The man that gets me is going to be one lucky guy, I might not have been born as a woman but I’m more of a woman now than most real women are and best of all I feel good about myself, in fact I feel wonderful, like the luckiest woman in the world.”
“Mialing, I’m going to do anything I can to prove to you that I love you, now may I have another kiss?”
“I thought you would never ask,” Mialing answered as they touched lips once more.
After that day Mark and Mialing were inseparable. Mialing would work her shift at the tables and then they would spend their time with each other. The only thing Mialing wouldn’t allow was for Mark to spend the night with her, she wasn’t going to be so easy this time. It wasn’t as though Mark didn’t try with her, he practically begged her to go to bed with him, but Mialing held her ground, she wasn’t going to let his thing influence her feelings toward him. This relationship would be built on love and not lust, although there were times when they were holding and caressing each other that she was sorely tempted to ravage him, but she held strong. When Mialing did finally give herself to Mark he would never want to leave her again.
***
The ship returned to port and the cruise was over. Mark and Mialing had a lot to think about. Mialing had two men that wanted her and Mark was trying to prove his worthiness to Mialing. Mark had to return to work in San Francisco and Mialing lived in Los Angeles now, which might create a problem for Mark, he would have to ask for a transfer to be near his love.
“Mark, I had a wonderful time with you these last few days, I hope we will continue what we have renewed on this trip.”
“I promise that I will call you everyday, I’ll never leave you again,” promised Mark.
“I want you to do that but I have some things to work out, I love you Mark, please remember that if you decide to stray again,” said Mialing.
“I’ll never do that again, I love you Mialing.”
Mark kissed Mialing goodbye and they held each other for what seemed like hours and then finally parted. Mark had a plane to catch back to the city and Mialing had something she had to work out with Laurence.
Laurence in the mean time had been working on things other than his feelings toward Mialing. Laurence was a player and just because Mialing was working the cruise didn’t mean that he couldn’t spend some time with some hottie he might pickup in a club somewhere, which is what he did. His work schedule had become a bit more seedy with the Tongs and they were putting pressure on Laurence to increase his time with them and his involvement with harder crime.
“Laurence, this is Wilson, we have a problem, two of the illegal people from Hong Kong died in the container in the last shipment. If they find out it was us, they will try us for murder. Is there anyone that knows what we are doing?”
“I can’t think of anyone, why do you ask?”
“Because anyone that knows what we do will have to be killed. What about that little piece of fluff I see on your arm all the time?”
“Do you mean Mialing, she doesn’t know anything and besides she wouldn’t know the first thing about this kind of life.”
“Don’t be too sure Laurence, don’t let your guard down for a minute, trust no one, not even me. We dumped the bodies where they won’t be found but as it is we might still be in trouble. Luckily your business is legitimate and I doubt the feds are on to us but I still worry about your girl friend, there’s something about her that makes me uneasy.”
“It’s probably because she’s so beautiful, she makes most guys feel that way.”
“I don’t know just be careful.”
***
Mark returned to work and as luck would have it, was asked to report to the LA office because they were over extended on a drug operation and they needed help. Mark could hardy contain himself, now it would be a level playing field between him and Laurence for Mialing’s hand.
Mark reported for work the next day and was at a desk job pushing paper for the FBI. He hated jobs like this, doing the shit work for someone else while they were in the field working undercover. Even though it was dangerous he missed the action and knew he had to return to doing what he did best, infiltrate criminal operations.
He had worked for half of the day when he called Mialing. Mialing was back on a cruise as they only laid over for several hours before they left port again so he left a message on her answering machine.
“Mialing, this is Mark. I’m working down here in LA and I’ll be here for a while, so please call me when you return, I want to see you, I love you,” Mark said as he hung up the phone.
Mialing returned home from her second cruise in a week. She was exhausted and wanted to rest. She saw the blinking light on her answering machine and pushed the button to listen to her messages. Most were from her friends and then she heard Mark’s message. Her heart jumped into her throat she became so excited. Mialing called the number he had left for her.
The phone rang twice before it was picked up, “Agent Conrad, may I help you?”
Mark had left his work number, not wanting to miss Mialing’s call.
“Mark, hi, it’s Mialing. I just got back from the cruise and heard you message, when did you come down here?”
“Just a couple of days ago, when can I see you?”
“I’m in port for a week until I have to go back to work, I promised Laurence I would see him tonight but after that I have no plans, what do you have in mind?”
“How’s dinner sound, does tomorrow night work for you?”
“It’s a date, let me give you my phone number and address. You can reach me at 714 555 2487 and I’m living in Newport Beach now and the address is 17 Overlook Drive, apartment 302, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Goodbye Mialing,” Mark said as hung up the phone.
Mialing prepared for her date with Laurence. It had been two weeks since she had been home and the thought of a real bath was making her giddy. She turned on the water and added bubble solution to the tub, might as well go all the way, she thought to herself. The tub filled while Mialing removed her clothes. She turned off the water and stepped into the steaming liquid and lowered herself carefully so as to enjoy every caressing touch of the bubbly water.
“Ahh,” she said as her body relaxed.
Now I know what I miss about being on land, the little things like taking a bath in a tub large enough to stretch out in, and water hot enough to enjoy, she thought as she almost fell asleep. Her eyes were drooping as the relaxation enveloped her, Mialing was beat and kind of hated the idea of seeing Laurence, she wanted to rest but a promise is a promise so she gave in to her date. She was startled from her semi-doze when the phone rang. Mialing had brought the cordless receiver with her into the bathroom so she wouldn’t miss any calls, it was Laurence calling.
“Hi honey, are you ready for a nice dinner?” he asked.
“Hi Laurence, I’m in the tub, where are we going for dinner?”
“There’s a new restaurant a few miles from where you live and it’s had great reviews, I thought we might try it, what do you think?”
“It sounds good to me, where are you?”
“I’m still at work, I’ll leave in a half of an hour. I hope the traffic won’t be too bad but even with out any accidents it’s going to take an hour and a half to get there.”
“Good, that will give me time to get ready, see you when you get here,” Mialing said as she put the phone down.
Laurence had one more call to make before he left his office.
“Hello,” the voice said on the other end.
“Richard, it’s Laurence, we have to talk. I’m getting worried about what we have been doing and I either want more money or you can find someone else to do your job for you. I don’t like that two stowaways died on the last delivery and if we’re caught we’ll be sent away for a very long time.”
“Laurence, calm down, nothing’s going to happen, we dumped the bodies where they will never be found. I don’t like that they died either because now they won’t be able to work off their debt to us, its like flushing fifty thousand dollars down the drain. I’ll talk to my boss in Hong Kong and see what he says.”
Richard was Richard Wong, the head person in Los Angeles for the Tong. Richard had worked his way up from delivery boy to enforcer and then to hit man. He became the boss when he killed the head of the Tong before him. His previous boss was thought to have stolen thousands of dollars to feed a drug habit so Richard shot him and buried him in the desert between LA and Las Vegas. Richard was becoming concerned with Laurence because Laurence was baulking at some of the chores he was being asked to do. Laurence didn’t mind using his company to smuggle drugs and human beings but now the gang wanted him to become involved in some of the physical abuse being done to deadbeats. Laurence felt that was below his station in life, after all Stanford graduates don’t do those things. Richard called his boss in Hong Kong. He needed to see if they could find a solution to the Laurence problem. He knew that they wouldn’t pay Laurence anymore money, after all they already paid him more than any other smuggler before him and if he thought he should receive more money then maybe they would find another smuggler.
The phone rang and a voice answered, “Hello,” it was David Chang. David was the younger brother of Winston Chang and had been involved in the family business all his life. When Winston was eliminated David worked his way into his brother’s old position. David was even more ruthless than Winston had ever been. He thought nothing of killing anyone that crossed his path and his lieutenants knew better than to question his orders.
“David, its Richard Wong. I have some disturbing news for you. Laurence wants more money to move our merchandise through his company and he seems to have a problem taking orders from us, what should we do with him?”
“Richard, I’ve been expecting Laurence to give us trouble so I found another shipper to deliver goods for us. Their main office is here in Hong Kong and I know the head of the company very well. I did a favor for him once and he owes me big time. I told him what we were doing and he agreed to handle all our shipments from now on. Actually he agreed after I showed him pictures if his wife and son and explained to him that if he didn’t do as asked they would disappear. Since our problem is solved, I think the prudent solution would be to eliminate Laurence since he knows too much about our operation.”
“I’ll take care of it, what about his girl friend, I don’t know what he might have told her but I’ve always had a suspicion about her, I don’t trust her.”
“Kill her then too, I don’t like loose ends.”
“We’ll do it as soon as I can get the two of them together.”
“The sooner the better, see you Richard.” David said as the phone went dead.
What Richard didn’t know was that the FBI had tapped his phone and heard everything that was said. They knew Richard was the headman in LA and that Laurence was smuggling goods for the Tong and this conversation just about sealed their investigation that had been ongoing since Tommy first led them to the Tongs. All they needed was a little more time to tie San Francisco to this gang and then they would be taken down. Infiltrating the gang had been impossible and finding the right people to wire tap had taken years but now, finally their work was about to pay off.
***
Mialing pulled herself from the tub but not until she had given her hands and feet a prune effect from being in the water for too long. Mialing didn’t care that her hands looked like hell, it felt so good just relaxing and she knew that the wrinkles would soon disappear. Mialing dried herself off and started to dry her hair. She hated that it took so long to dry and had thought of having it cut to a sensible length but would always change her mind, knowing it would take years to grow back and then she decided that she really did like brushing her hair until it shown in the light. Mialing wondered what she should wear for her date with Laurence. She would have worn something that begged for him to seduce her but now that Mark was back she didn’t feel that way tonight, she was conflicted so she dressed casual dressy, a nice sun dress that was a little sexy but not overly so and a pair of flat sandals, she wanted to be comfortable. She applied her makeup and waited for Laurence to arrive.
Laurence rang her doorbell and Mialing buzzed him in.
“You look very nice,” Laurence said. It was hard to see the disappointment in his eyes as he surveyed his date, he was expecting something more revealing on Mialing, after all she had been gone for two weeks and had expected her to be all over him when he came to the door.
“Thank you, let’s go, I’m starving,” Mialing said as she kissed him on the cheek.
The couple drove to the restaurant and caught up on what they had been doing the previous weeks. Mialing didn’t mention Mark since she knew Laurence was a jealous man and felt no need to tease him.
“Mialing, I got tickets to a concert at the Scottish Rite Temple Friday night, would you like to go?”
“Of course, what should I wear?”
“Something nice, I’m wearing a suit.”
“I have just the dress in mind, what time does it start?”
“At eight, maybe we can have dinner after the concert?”
“That sounds good. I’m a little tired tonight, would you mind if we made it an early evening?”
“I don’t mind, I’m a little bushed myself, I’ll get the check.”
Laurence drove Mialing back to her apartment and walked her to the door, hoping that he would get lucky tonight, but it wasn’t to be, Mialing had someone else on her mind and didn’t feel like going to bed with Laurence.
“Thank you for a wonderful dinner Laurence,” said Mialing as she kissed him on the lips.
“Your welcome,” said Laurence as he kissed her back with more intensity. Laurence was putting his all into the kiss hoping that Mialing would respond to it and invite him into her home.
Mialing just didn’t want this right now so she broke the kiss and said goodnight.
“Are you okay?” asked Laurence.
“I’m fine, I just feel a little tired tonight and just want to get some sleep. I promise to make up for it Friday night, okay?”
“Okay sweetheart, I can wait,” Laurence said with a smile on his lips.
Mialing undressed and went to bed and fell into a deep sleep.
The next morning she awoke when her phone rang, it was after ten AM.
“Good morning Mialing, it’s Mark.”
“Mmm, good morning Mark, you woke me,” said Mialing in that sultry I just woke up voice.
Mark was amazed that Mialing’s voice still made him want to drop everything to be with her, she really was an amazing woman.
“I’m sorry, I thought you would be up.”
“I usually am but I was so tired from the trip that I slept later than usual, are we still on for tonight?”
“Yes, I just wanted to make sure you didn’t have other plans. What time would you like to get together?”
“When ever you would like, I’m off of work, remember.”
“How does seven sound?”
“Great, but remember, it takes at least two hours to get here at that time of night, do you know where you want to go for dinner?”
“I don’t have a clue, I’ll leave it up to you.”
“I’ll think of something, probably casual, I don’t feel like dressing up.”
“Okay see you later.”
Mialing cleaned her apartment and then decided to go shopping for something nice for Mark. She might go casual, but it was going to be sexy, she really wanted to impress Mark as to what he had been missing this last year or so. Mialing found a denim skirt and a white off the shoulder blouse that exposed her midriff. Mialing’s taste in clothing had gone from boring when she first met Mark to hot, as she liked to dress these days. Mialing liked the attention she received from men and reveled in her femininity, she had really become a girly, girl.
Mialing’s legs were tan from the cruise so she decided not to wear hose, it was hot in Southern California and there was no need to be uncomfortable. She donned her new clothing and looked at herself in the mirror, my, my, Mialing, she thought, you’ve come a long way from how you once were. Mialing as wearing four-inch wedge sandals and her tanned legs were exposed all the way to mid-thigh. Her skirt hugged her perfect hips and was low cut exposing her tummy up to just below her breasts. Her top was cut low enough to let Mark see that her breasts were still perfect and then it went up to her shoulders and barely covered anything more than the barest of skin. Her makeup was light but made her eyes stand out. She pulled her hair over one shoulder and smiled, Mark, you’re one lucky guy, she thought.
Mark arrived and Mialing buzzed him in. She opened the door and almost giggled when she saw Mark’s expression, he was blushing. She reached out and took Mark’s hands and pulled him into her apartment.
“Hi,” she said.
“Wow, hi,” Mark was finally able to say.
“You look nice Mark, there’s a nice restaurant down in Laguna Beach that I’d like to try if that’s alright with you?”
“Mialing, when you opened the door, I thought I had just died and went to heaven, God your beautiful.”
Now it was Mialing’s turn to blush, Mark still had that effect on her and she liked that he was able to make her feel this way.
“Any restaurant would be fine as long as I’m with you,” he continued.
“Let me get a wrap in case it gets cold.”
Mialing grabbed her wrap and the couple was soon on their way to Laguna Beach. The traffic was still heavy so it took over an hour to arrive at their destination. They were soon seated and memories of their past soon returned. Mialing would look into Mark’s eyes and she knew that she still loved him. Mialing was feeling a want for Mark and try as she may to fight those feelings, she knew she was losing the fight, she wanted him to bed her this very evening and as the night progressed she was becoming anything but subtle about what she wanted from him. She would caress his hand with her nails or rub his leg with her foot as she fell into her seduction, and Mark was becoming as aroused as she was.
The couple finished dinner and Mialing asked, “ May we walk on the beach for a while?”
“That would be nice,” Mark responded.
Mark and Mialing walked down to the water and she removed her sandals so the water wouldn’t ruin them and carried them in her free hand, the other being held by Mark. They walked for around a half of a mile and turned to return to Mark’s car. Before they completed the turn Mark took Mialing into his arms and kissed her softly on her lips. Mialing dropped her sandals and pulled Mark tight to her body and kissed him back with a passion that left little doubt that he would stay the night with her. They broke the kiss and slowly walked back to the car, kissing and cuddling all the way.
When they returned to Mialing’s home she asked, “Would you like to come up?”
“If you didn’t ask, I would have been on my hands and knees begging,” he responded.
They entered her door and were in each other’s arms before it could even close. Mark couldn’t get enough of her kisses and caressed every inch of her body. Mialing was on fire, she wanted Mark inside of her so badly that she took him by the hand and led him to her bedroom. She let go of his hand and removed her clothing and then lay on her bed waiting for him to fill her, which he did, several times that night.
Mark woke from his sleep as the sunlight hit his eyes. Mialing’s hand was resting on his chest as she slept. She’s so beautiful, even when she sleeps, he thought, how could I have ever left her he wondered?
Mark rose from the bed and Mialing purred as he removed her hand from his chest.
“Mmm, where are you going?” she asked.
“Just to the bathroom, I’ll be right back.”
Mark went and took care of business and returned to his love. Mialing cuddled up to him when he returned to the bed. She liked the feeling of having a man next to her when she awoke in the morning, especially when that man was Mark.
“What would you like to do today?” she asked.
“It’s Friday and I have to work, maybe after we can have dinner?”
“I can’t, I have a date with Laurence, I promised him I would go to a concert with him tonight.”
“Do you have to see him?” Mark answered with obvious jealousy in his voice.
“I promised and as much as I would like to be with you, a promise is a promise. We can spend tomorrow and Sunday together if you would like?”
“I’d love that, it’s getting late and I’m already behind schedule, I’d better get ready for work.”
“I’ll make something for you to eat before you go,” said Mialing.
“Just coffee would be fine, I really don’t have time to eat,” responded Mark as he entered Mialing’s shower to bathe.
Mialing had become quite the American girl in the last year. In the past she would prefer tea and now she was grinding her own beans to make coffee, quite a change for this girl.
Mark exited the shower and could smell the French roast brewing in the kitchen. Mark was feeling like a married man again and he liked the feelings he was having. He didn’t want to leave his beloved Mialing this morning and for some reason he felt closer to her now than he had ever felt before his living with Sally, he truly loved this woman. While Mark dressed he could hear Mialing humming in the kitchen, she sounded so happy and content, God he loved her, he just hoped she felt the same about him.
Mialing turned as Mark entered the kitchen and said, “Here’s your coffee,” as she handed him the cup.
The sun was streaming through the glass door and reflecting off Mialing’s hair. It almost looked as though she had a hallow around her head, Mialing had the look of sexy innocence, and Mark was falling even deeper in love with this girl.
Mark finished his coffee and turned to kiss Mialing goodbye. Mialing was wearing only a short satin robe and he was wearing a polo shirt and slacks. He felt her body press against his as their lips met and knew he would do anything to win this woman for himself. She felt so soft as she kissed him and yet he could feel her responding to his kiss, she wanted Mark to make love to her again before he left to go.
Mark broke the kiss knowing that if he didn’t he would never get to work that day if it continued.
“Do you have to go?” Mialing pouted, making sure her robe fell open enough to reveal her beautiful breasts.
“God, Mialing, you make this so hard, I have to be at work by ten and if I stay I’ll never want to leave.”
“Do you mean you want to leave?” she asked in a playful voice.
“You know I don’t, but if I don’t get to work, I might lose my job and then I won’t be able to ask you to marry me because I won’t be able to support you,” Mark teased back.
“Are you asking me to marry you?”
“Not yet, I haven’t bought you a ring and after all what is a proposal without a ring?”
“Your right, I at least deserve a ring, oh well, easy come easy go, I guess I’ll have to wait,” Mialing said through her smile and then began to giggle uncontrollably.
Mark walked back to Milaing and hugged her, he was so much in love with her. Mialing felt safe in Mark’s arms and hoped that he would indeed ask her to marry him for she too had regained the love she had tried so hard to bury deep in her heart.
***
Mark left Mialing and drove to downtown LA and tried to sneak into his office but was noticed by one of his co-workers.
“Hey Mark, something keep you in bed this morning?” asked Jesus.
Jesus Montoya was also an undercover agent that worked the Mexican drug gangs in Los Angeles. He, like Mark was a single man and when one of the agents looked as though they had a good evening, there would be hell to pay around the office. All the remarks were in good fun since the ones giving would soon be the ones taking the same kind of grief.
“Oh, I just overslept,” Mark replied with an innocent smile.
“It looks like it and when did you start wearing shoulder length black hair on your shirt?”
“Okay, you busted me, I was at my girl friends last night and forgot to set the alarm.”
“I didn’t know you had a girl friend?”
“Yep, I sure do, and she’s the prettiest girl you’ll ever meet.”
“When am I going to meet her?”
“At the wedding.”
“The wedding, oh shit, don’t do it dude, look at me, I’ll be paying alimony and child support for twelve more years.”
“Face it Jesus it’s the fucking you get for the fucking you got, but Mialing is different.”
“Did you say Mialing?”
“Yeah, why?”
“We’re investigating a shipper that’s smuggling drugs and human cargo and I think his girl friend’s name’s Mialing. I over heard someone say that there is something going down tonight and we’re going to bust her boyfriend next week, it couldn’t possibly be the same girl.”
“What’s the boyfriend’s name?”
“Laurence Wang, he’s a real piece of work. He has a degree from Stanford but couldn’t wait to get rich so he got involved with the Chinese gangs so he could make the quick buck and now he’s going to go to jail.”
“She’s the same girl, is she involved?”
“I don’t think so, I think he just takes her out. Buck says she’s a real looker.”
“Yes she is and I hope nothing happens to her before you bust this guy, those gangs are very dangerous. They could care less if they were to kill someone. I worked with some of those people a while back and I’ll tell you, they’re scary.”
“I don’t know that much about them, ask Buck, I’m sure he’ll tell you all he knows.”
Mark had to wait for Buck to return to the office from a stake out at the wharf before he could ask him what he knew about Mialing.
***
Mialing wondered what she should wear for the concert. She decided to go shopping to find just the right dress. She ended up at Nordstrom’s and found a Sean one-shoulder cocktail dress in an aqua color and a pair of four-inch sandals to complete the outfit. She had her hair washed and conditioned. She liked going to the salon to keep her hair in perfect condition and she liked the way it shined after they were done with her. While she was there she had her nails done in a ruby red, she wanted to look perfect tonight. Mialing was still on a high from her date with Mark and she had to know if she still had feelings for Laurence, not that they were strong in the first place.
By the time she returned home it was nearly four PM. She went to collect the messages on her answering machine and discovered that the machine had broken. “Damn,” she thought now I’ll have to buy another one but I don’t have time right now, I’ll get one tomorrow.
Mialing went to dress knowing that Laurence would be there in an hour. She covered her hair and stepped into the shower, no time for a bath today. She lathered her legs and underarms and slid her razor to remove any stubble that might be there. She turned off the water and patted herself dry and dusted her body with powder. She found a pair of white thong panties and nude panty hose and carefully rolled them up her legs, taking care not to snag them with her nails. Mialing put on her makeup and made her eyes look dramatic, she had become very good at this look over the last year. Mialing had found the prettier she looked, the more at ease she was with her identity, she had truly become a woman. Last she lowered her dress down over her head and zipped the back up. She placed her feet into the sandals and buckled the rhinestone buckle. She brushed out her hair and looked into her mirror. She looked hot, she turned and saw that the back of the dress was cut down to her waist and yet the front showed no cleavage. The hem was uneven, starting at one knee and ending at mid-calf, she would turn many heads at the concert tonight.
***
It was almost five o’clock by the time Buck returned to the office. Most of the employees had gone home but he found Mark waiting for him. Buck didn’t know Mark very well but seemed to like him. He knew of Mark’s close shave with death so when Mark asked him about Laurence and Mialing he didn’t mind answering Mark’s questions, as long as it didn’t take too much time, his wife wanted him home for a change.
“Buck, Jesus told me that you were handling the Laurence Wang case and I have to ask you something about it.”
“What do you need to know?” Buck answered.
“It’s about the girl, Mialing, what can you tell me about her?”
“The girl, not much, she only goes out with Laurence when she’s in port and then only on a regular date, you know dinner and a show or dancing, typical guy, girl stuff.”
“Is she involved with what Laurence is doing?”
“No, I don’t think so, if fact I doubt she has a clue as to what he’s doing. I feel kind of sorry for her because the gangs are having a meeting with Laurence tonight and I think they want him to kill her as protection for them. They think she might know something so if she’s eliminated what she might know will die with her.”
“Holy shit, I know Mialing and I know she has nothing to do with those people, where is the meeting going to take place?”
“They have a little office in a warehouse down on Slausen and I’m sure that’s where it’s supposed to happen.”
“I have to warn her, I can’t let anything happen to her.”
Mark ran to his office and called Mialing’s apartment. The phone rang and rang with no answer. Mialing had just left with Laurence and since she had already locked her door she decided not to answer the phone, so she took Laurence’s arm and held it while he escorted his beauty to his car.
“You look very beautiful tonight Mialing, I hope you don’t mind if we stop for a moment on the way to the concert?”
“Of course I don’t mind, where do we have to stop?”
“Down in LA, I have to see a business associate.”
“That’s fine, I don’t mind.”
If Mialing knew what was going to happen to her at the warehouse she would have run from the car. She had been away from that life for years and was very innocent in the ways of the world now. If she had known these people were the very same that had tried to kill Tommy she would have jumped from Laurence’s car, but instead she cuddled up to Laurence’s shoulder hoping to find some magic in their relationship. She knew she loved Mark and if she couldn’t love Laurence in the same way, then she would be able to move on. She was afraid of her feelings toward Mark because of the hurt he gave her and still didn’t trust him as far as a relationship was concerned. Mialing was trying so hard right now to make this thing with Laurence work, but she didn’t feel the fire she felt with Mark, no matter how hard she was trying.
LA traffic was what it usually is on a Friday evening, the pits. Even the carpool lane was stopped. Mark didn’t have the luxury of being able to be in the carpool lane but it didn’t seem to matter, as long as he arrived at the warehouse before Laurence did to warn Mialing of the impending attempt on her life. Mark only had five miles to drive, but they would be the slowest five miles in his life. He had no choice but to take the freeway since he wasn’t familiar with the streets in LA. Mialing and Laurence had much farther to drive but the traffic was lighter so they were able to move at twenty miles per hour, so in essence they would arrive just before Mark. Laurence had arrived first and parked his car.
“Mialing, come in with me?” Laurence asked.
“That’s okay, I’ll wait in the car,” she responded.
“Please come in with me, the guy’s want to meet you because I’m always bragging about how beautiful you are,” Laurence said as he walked around the car and opened Mialing’s door.
“Okay, you win,” Mialing said in her most feminine voice.
Mialing took Laurence’s arm to steady herself on her heels. They entered the unlocked office door and called out, “Anybody here?”
“Out back,” a voice was heard to say through the rear office door. Laurence escorted Mialing to the door and opened it for her. As she stepped through the opening she felt an arm swing around her neck and pull it tight. Mialing screamed and the arm pulled tighter cutting off her air.
“Shut up and be quiet and I’ll let you breath,” the voice said with a heavy Chinese accent.
Mialing shook her head yes and the pressure on her neck was released, but the arm remained holding her from moving. The man’s other hand held a gun to Mialing’s head.
“Laurence, you did as you were told and brought the girl here, now you must kill her.”
Had Mialing heard right, Laurence was supposed to kill her, why, what had she done. Mialing could see the fear in Laurence’s eyes, he wasn’t a killer, but she also knew all too well what kind of men they were dealing with, after all she was once one of them.
Mialing had to do something so she asked, “Why do you want to kill me?”
“Because of what you know,” answered the man behind her.
“I don’t know anything,” she answered as fear started to enter her body.
“We can’t take that chance, kill her Laurence.”
Laurence looked at the beautiful Mialing and knew he didn’t have the guts to kill her let alone anyone else. Laurence was a hollow man.
“I knew you wouldn’t be able to kill her, so I’ll have to do it, but not until I kill you first for not obeying instructions,” the man said as he swung his gun at Laurence and fired off a shot that struck Laurence in the forehead, Laurence dropped like a rock in a heap on the floor. The gun was still pointing at Laurence and Mialing knew if she had any chance to survive she would have to make her move now while the gun was pointing away from her. She lifted her leg and then buried her heel in the man’s foot. Mialing could feel the bone break as the heel pushed to the bottom of his foot. The man yelled in pain and released Mialing’s neck. She threw her hand at the gun and was able to knock it from the killer’s hand causing it to slide under a table.
“You fucking bitch,” he yelled as he struck her on the side of her face. Mialing was off balance from the maneuver she had done with her foot and fell to the floor. The man limped to the table and grabbed for the gun. Mialing got to her feet as quickly as she could and saw the man take the gun in his hand and turn to point it at her. He pulled the hammer back and Mialing heard the gunfire. She didn’t feel anything, he couldn’t have missed, and then she saw the man fall to the floor.
“Mialing, are you alright?”
It was Mark’s voice, it was her precious Mark and he had saved her. Mialing collapsed to the floor as the events that just occurred made her weak. Tears formed in her eyes and she wept. Mialing was no longer the hardened criminal Tommy. She was just an ordinary girl who wanted nothing more than to be loved by a man that loved her as much as she loved him.
Mark had arrived at the warehouse a minute or two after Mialing and Laurence. He heard the sound from the killer’s gun when he arrived and entered the warehouse unnoticed. He had assumed that Mialing had been shot and was careful not to enter the back area without being careful so he too wouldn’t be killed. It was then that he heard the killer swear at Mialing and knew he had to save her, so he entered the room at the same time the killer was pointing his gun at Mialing and was able to shoot the man before Mialing was killed.
Mark rushed to Mialing’s side and took her in his arms to comfort her. Mialing was weeping uncontrollably and Mark just held her knowing that right now she needed to be held until she would feel safe again. Several minutes past until Mialing was able to compose herself. Mark stood and helped Mialing to her feet.
“The police will be here any minute now, let me handle everything, you’re safe now,” Mark said as he held Mialing to his chest.
“How did you know where to find me?” Mialing sniffled.
“One of the guys at the office knew about this meeting and told me about it. I tried to phone you to warn you not to come here but there was no answer on your phone, not even your answering machine,” answered Mark.
“I heard my phone ringing after I had locked the door and didn’t think it was important so I didn’t go back in to answer it, I wish I had.”
“Luckily I was able to get here in time, why did you come here in the first place?”
“Laurence wanted to meet with the people in this business. I told him that I would wait in the car and he said to come inside. When I went into this room that man grabbed me from behind and wanted Laurence to kill me. He couldn’t do it so the man shot Laurence and that’s when I smashed his foot with my heel and you saved me.”
“Mialing, I know this isn’t the right place or time to ask you this, but after what just happened I want to protect you from things like this happening again. I love you Mialing and if I was to lose you again I don’t know what I would do. Mialing, will you marry me?”
Mialing looked at Mark, had she heard correctly, he wanted to marry her? She like any other girl had thought of what it would be like to be asked to marry. She would be standing under an old spreading oak tree wearing a soft white virginal sun dress and a wide brim white hat and her intended would be on his knee with her hand in his asking the most important question of his life. She would say yes and birds would fly from the tree to announce to the world with their chirping that the couple would live happily ever after. Mialing looked around the room, she was still shaking from the fear she had inside of her and saw two dead men on the ground, and here she was, her dress was ruined from her fall to the ground, her makeup was ruined from crying, the room was ugly and the man she loved just asked her to marry him, Mialing burst into tears.
“Mialing, what did I say?” implored Mark.
Mialing gained control of her emotions and said, “I’m crying because it’s a girl thing and you wouldn’t understand, yes Mark, I’ll marry you, are you sure you want to marry me?”
“More than anything in the world, I love you.”
“I love you too.”
The police arrived and Mark blocked their entry into the building claiming that it was an FBI crime scene. Mark knew if word leaked out that Mialing was still alive she would once more be in danger and he was going to have to make a statement that would protect Mialing from these creeps once and for all. He used the power of his FBI badge to give a report to the police that read that Laurence, an un named gunman, and an unidentified Asian woman were killed in a shootout in Los Angeles. The officers didn’t even question his statement assuming that he wouldn’t lie to them. It also helped that the two bodies were visible from the front of the building, Mark made sure of that. Mark explained that the third body was in the back of the warehouse and couldn’t be seen from where they were standing and that until the crime lab arrived, the inside of the space was off limits With help from the police, unknown to them, Mialing was dead as far as the gangs were concerned.
Mark called FBI head quarters and explained what had happened and that they would have to send more people to the crime scene to clean up the mess and to write a cover story to protect Mialing. The head quarters contacted Buck Collins and told him what had happened with Laurence since he was the lead investigator on the job.
Mark’s phone rang and he answered it, “Hello, Mark Conrad.”
“Mark, Buck Collins here, what the hell is going on?”
“Buck, I know I stepped over the line on this one, but I couldn’t let anything happen to Mialing, she’s a very special young lady.”
“Jesus Christ Mark, you know how this stuff works, collateral damage is collateral damage and it isn’t your place to try to save every young maiden that might get killed. Why in the hell was this one so important?”
“Buck, if I told you, you wouldn’t believe me, let’s just say that if I didn’t save her, my future wife would be dead right now.”
“You mean you’re engaged to this girl, why didn’t you say something?”
“I didn’t want to compromise the investigation.”
“Mark, we do take care of our own, letting your fiancé walk into a situation like that was lunacy, what were you thinking?”
“Remember, I didn’t know about the investigation until I talked to you this afternoon and I tried to warn her but it was too late, so that’s why I took matters into my own hands.”
“Well next time get some help, you might have been killed, now what do you want to do with this mess?”
“We have to cover for Mialing and make the gangs think she is dead. I already told LAPD that she was killed along with the two thugs during the shooting so at least when the news papers get the police report they will assume she is dead. Now, all we have to do is make a false report that covers what I told them and she should be safe.”
“Do you think that will work?” asked Buck.
“Look Buck, I know it will work, it has too.”
“Okay, you have my help, I’ll file the reports in the morning. You will have to wait until the crime guys get there before you leave, I’ll see you in Monday.”
The criminal investigators arrived and Mark led them through the events of the evening being sure they were up to speed on how they were to cover for Mialing. Mialing would finally be safe once more. The couple was finally free to leave the scene.
“Where would you like to go?” asked Mark.
“I want to go home,” Mialing sniffled. Every time she had to speak the events of the evening would create havoc with her mind, making her almost cry.
“Are you sure, you look so pretty in your dress?”
“Mark, please, I want you to take me home and hold me, I want to feel safe again.”
Mark drove Mialing to her home and the couple went inside. Mialing removed her dress and decided it could be cleaned and she could wear it again if she could bury the memories it would remind her of. She put on her satin robe and returned to Mark and cuddled against him. Mark wrapped his arms around his love and held her tight knowing that he would have to do everything possible to make Mialing feel safe again. The couple remained this way for the rest of the night, just holding each other.
***
Mialing was the first to wake in the morning. Mark’s arms were still wrapped around her and she had to go to the bathroom. She carefully removed his arms without waking him, he only groaned, and went to relieve herself. She returned to the bedroom and looked at Mark as he slept. What a wonderful man, so caring, so loving, so handsome, Mialing was truly in love. Mialing went and ground some beans for coffee and brewed it so it would be ready when Mark woke from his sleep. She reflected on the previous days activities. She had almost been killed by the very people that had hunted Tommy so many years ago, and they had expected her date to do it and not because she was once Tommy but because she was just an innocent girl unlucky enough to have met Laurence. Her knight in shining armor had ridden in on a white horse and saved her life, and then asked her to marry him. Mialing felt blessed to have found such a man.
The aroma from the coffee was making Mark stir from his sleep. When he opened his eyes he found his arms were empty. He shot up to a sitting position, his Mialing was gone and then he heard her in the kitchen and smelled the coffee and knew everything was all right.
Mialing pour a cup of coffee in a mug and brought it to Mark.
“Good morning sweetheart,” she said.
“Good morning, how do you feel this morning?”
“Like the luckiest girl in the world.”
“Me too.” He answered.
“You feel like a girl?” she giggled.
“You know what I mean, I feel like the luckiest guy in the world to have a girl like you.”
Mialing put the mug down on the dresser and ran to the bed and jumped on Mark, giggling all the way. She decided to tickle him into submission, the energy from the previous day still coursing through their bodies. It didn’t take long before Mark had pinned his girl friend to the bed and was tickling her back.
“Stop, stop,” she giggled.
“Only if you promise to go shopping with me for your ring today?”
“I promise,” she laughed.
“Seal it with a kiss and then I’ll let you go.”
Mialing raised her lips to Mark’s and did indeed seal her promise with a kiss, and then another kiss and another until they made love in the early morning.
Mark and Mialing showered and dressed after their morning tryst and departed to find a ring for Mialing. Mark was going to do this the right way, no more short cuts, an engagement ring, church wedding, a honeymoon, the whole nine yards, Mialing was going to finally get a break in life and Mark was going to give it to her.
Mark brought Mialing from jeweler to jeweler. He wanted to find the perfect ring for his beloved. All the mall stores had the same junk, it looked as though they had had a meeting and hired one designer to make the rings, this wouldn’t do.
“Mialing, let’s go to Beverly Hills, I want something special for you,” Mark stated.
“Mark, no, that’s too extravagant,” Mialing said.
“Honey, I would rather pay a little extra for something nice than give you something just for the sake of giving you a gift, I want this to be special.”
“Mark, you’re going to spoil me if you’re not careful,” Mialing laughed.
“I could never spoil you, you’re too perfect to spoil,” Mark responded as he kissed Mialing’s lips.
Mark and Mialing arrived in Beverly Hills and his search was rewarded. He found the perfect ring for his girl friend. It was a very good quality diamond set between two gold rings that made the stone look as though it was suspended in the space between the rings. The diamond was just over one caret, but the setting made it stand out, it was gorgeous. The jeweler fitted Mialing’s finger and promised to have the ring sized before the store closed.
Mark and Mialing wandered the Rodeo Drive shops until it was time to pick up the ring. They were quite the couple walking down the street, the ordinary blend in Mark, and spectacular looking Mialing. The men would look and wonder how such an ordinary guy could have a beautiful woman like that and the women looked, and mentioned in their catty way that Mark must have money because a beauty like Mialing wouldn’t be with a guy like that if it weren’t for the dollars. Real love was just a figment of the imagination to these plastic people and if they knew of the deep feelings Mark and Mialing had for each other, they would faint.
The couple returned to the jeweler and Mark took the ring and lowered himself to his knee and place the ring on Mialing’s finger.
“Now it’s official Mialing, we’re really engaged, I love you.” Mark said.
Mialing’s eyes filled with tears, her boyfriend was being romantic and this was becoming a very special moment, even the jeweler’s eyes were misting.
“Thank you Mark, I love you so much,” Milaing said in a quivering voice.
Mark raised himself from his knee and kissed Mialing on the lips to prove his love for her.
“May I take a picture of you two?” asked the jeweler. “I don’t usually do this but you’re such a nice couple, I feel as though I’ve known you all your life.”
Mark and Mialing posed as the man shot several photos and then left to find a place to eat. Mialing couldn’t help but look at her hand and held it out now and again just to see the beautiful ring and to be sure she wasn’t dreaming, she was walking on a cloud.
Mark found a nice restaurant and the couple celebrated their engagement. Mialing even accepted a glass of wine, but only took one sip of the liquid. She still didn’t like the taste of alcohol. After dinner they returned to Mialing’s home and soon found their way to the bedroom. Mialing would look at her ring and kiss Mark and then look at the ring once again. Mialing couldn’t believe this was happening to her, she was so in love at this moment and this ring proved Mark’s love for her. Mark was caressing his love and finally entered her as she moaned with delight. This act was the perfect end to a perfect day.
The following day they awoke and started talking about what needed to be done before and after the wedding. Mialing had made coffee and the couple was seated at the kitchen table.
“Mark, this is really a big step, are you sure you want to marry me?”
“More that anything.”
“We have so much to do before hand. I have to find a dress and I have to meet your parents. Where shall we live after the wedding, we have to set a date for it, I have to find bridesmaids, God there’s so much to do.”
“Relax sweetheart, we don’t have to do everything today, we’ll sit and talk about the plans and then figure out how long everything will take, all we need is patience.”
“You’re right, I’m just so excited about all this,” Mialing said as she held her hand out to admire her new ring.
“I have to be to work early tomorrow morning to file a report about the other night and then next weekend I would like to drive up to San Francisco to have you meet my parents,” said Mark.
“I can’t next weekend, I’ll be on a cruise, you know how my schedule works, I do two cruises in a row and then have a week off.”
“I don’t think you should do anymore cruises since your supposed to be dead. If the gangs see you at the docks they will know something is up. Have you thought about returning to Vegas or Reno?” asked Mark.
“I hadn’t thought about that, maybe I’d better not go back to work on the ship. What am I going to do for money, I have to work?”
“I can help you out for a while until we figure out what to do, I won’t let anything happen to you, I love you too much for anything bad to happen.”
Mark and Mialing discussed her options and decided to have her move back to Las Vegas. She had friends there and also connections so employment wouldn’t be a problem. She would have her friends there to help her with the wedding arrangements.
***
Mialing once again began dealing cards, only this time at MGM. Mark went on assignment in Indianapolis but called everyday. This trip didn’t end like the last, he turned down any attempt to date him, he wasn’t going to lose Mialing again.
Mialing gained a new circle of friends and soon they were all lost in the wedding preparations.
Mialing was causing her usual stir at the tables and didn’t notice the clean cut young man who watched her intently every night as she dealt the cards. He saved some extra money and played several hands at her table until he went broke, but at least he was close to Mialing, he was becoming obsessed with her. As she was dealing the cards he noticed her engagement ring sparkle in the bright lights of the casino but he didn’t care because as far as he was concerned she would soon love him and not some rich guy with the money to buy such a ring.
Mialing finished her shift and drove home. The sun would be rising soon and she had a busy day planned. She and Mona were going to look at dresses for the bride’s maids and she was too excited to notice the headlights following her as she drove her usual route home. She pulled into her carport and locked the door and didn’t notice the lights on the car across the street go dark. The figure just watched as Mialing climbed the stairs to her apartment and the lights go on. When she closed the door he removed a cigarette from the pack in his shirt pocket and placed it in his mouth. In his excitement he fumbled with the lighter and finally lit the cigarette and watched as the smoke curled around the windshield. Now I know where my dream woman lives he thought, as his penis grew erect.
Mialing showered and call her friend Sharon and asked her to meet her at the LV Bridal Salon. In her excitement Sharon beat Mialing who had stopped to pick up Mona and was waiting for her.
“I found the cutest dresses,” Sharon said to Mialing, with excitement in her voice.
“Let me see,” said Mialing as Sharon led her to the dress rack.
Sharon pulled a beautiful knee length from the rack and showed it to Mialing. The dress was fitted with lace on the bodice and low enough to show some cleavage and not look trashy.
“Oh Sharon, that’s beautiful, but it looks expensive,” said Mialing with concern.
“I talked to the shop owner already and she said she would make a deal if we buy four of them. You already have four girls in the ceremony and you haven’t even picked your dress yet, I’m sure she will be fair with us.”
“Let’s ask her if she will give us an extra special price if I buy my dress here.”
“Good idea, let’s go.”
The girls found the shopkeeper and she indeed gave them a special price on the dresses. All that needed to be done was to have the girls come in for a fitting.
“Let’s see if we can find a dress for you while we’re here,” Sharon said, dragging Mialing to the bridal dresses.
The girls spent the next hour oohing and ahhing with each dress they pulled from the rack. They finally narrowed the search to five dresses. They would need to try them on to make the final decision.
In their excitement Mialing hadn’t noticed the car that followed her from her apartment to the salon, nor did she see the man taking pictures of her. The man taking the pictures was John Leslie, a rather nerdish fellow who liked to stalk women. Unfortunately he had become more brazen with each stalk, and more cunning. His first attempt was a clumsy failure, being caught by the girl he was stalking. She was a petite cashier that worked at a small casino downtown on the strip and she happened to see him taking pictures of her and attacked him with her purse. When she was done beating him, she called the police but John was able to escape with only a bloody nose. He was more careful the next time and only stole a nighty from the girl’s clothesline. The next girl he became more confident and entered her home. He left a note telling her that he loved her and once again stole some lingerie. After the theft he moved on to another girl. This one he became more brazen and not only entered her home and left a note but he broke a picture of her boyfriend and then once again stole some lingerie. The fourth woman’s stalk became more violent, not to her, he left the customary note but he took a picture of her husband out of the frame and put a knife through it, stabbing it to a table. The police knew what type of man they were looking for but didn’t know exactly who he was. Now it was Mialing’s turn to be stalked. What John didn’t know was that Mialing had become very observant of strange goings on because of her past. She would soon become uneasy about her feelings, as though she was being watched, which she was.
The girls were in the salon for two hours before they had finished dressing and undressing Mialing, and decided on a strapless, A line dress with a sash and train, Mona had tears in her eyes when she first saw Mialing wearing it, she was so pretty.
“Oh Mialing, that’s the one, you’re so pretty, said Mona.
“Mona’s right, that’s the dress, it makes the other ones look like bags, go put a deposit on it, you have to get it, it’s perfect,” stated Sharon.
“It doesn’t make me look fat does it?” asked Mialing.
“Are you kidding, you make me jealous your so thin,” giggled Mona.
Mialing did look thin and that dress helped do that, as her friends buttoned the back she had to suck her stomach in so the dress could be buttoned. Her waist looked as though she had lost two inches from it. Mialing was beautiful, her long black hair falling to her waist and contrasting with the virginal white of the dress, all that was needed were heels and a veil and the ceremony could start right now.
Mialing glided around the shop and loved the feel of the dress as she placed one foot in front of the other. The sound it made as the fabric rubbed against its self made Mialing not to want to take it off. John Leslie was parked across the street from the salon and would take pictures every time Mialing passed in front of the window. Tonight, he would have plenty of material to masturbate himself, John was a sick man. Mialing removed the dress and returned it to the shop owner with instructions to save it for her. She gave the woman a deposit on the dress and the girls left to go home and rest, as they all worked the night shift at the casino.
John had followed and parked across from Mialing’s home. He lit his cigarette and pulled a lung full of smoke into his body and waited to see if Mialing was going out again that day. He waited for around an hour before he left knowing that his love was asleep before she had to work.
Mialing had a very uneasy feeling for some reason, I guess you could chalk it up to experience, it was just a feeling one gets from being around the criminal life style of always being watched by someone. She had entered her apartment but hadn’t gone to bed, she had gone to her window and peered carefully from behind the curtains and had seen John with his binoculars watching her window. Her first thought was to call Mark and tell him what was happening.
“Mark, honey, it’s Mialing, I’m afraid,” she said fearfully.
“What’s wrong baby?”
“There’s some guy watching my apartment from across the street. I had a feeling we were being followed earlier today and now I see this guy. He looks familiar, I think he played at my table once, I’m not sure, what should I do?” asked Mialing.
“Let me handle it, I’ll make some calls and see what’s going on. He might be a cop on stakeout and I’d hate to screw something like that up by mistake. I’ll call you right back, I love you.”
“I love you too,” Mialing said as she hung up the phone.
Mark called an agent he knew was close to the Las Vegas Police Department and gave him the information Mialing had given him explaining that Mialing was his fiancé and he wanted her watched twenty-four seven so nothing would happen to her. Mark’s friend made his call and found out that there was no stakeout in that neighborhood and that Mialing was probably being stalked. The police sent a cruiser to check out the complaint but John had left assuming that Mialing was asleep. The police officer went to Mialings and took a report and a description of the man and his car. He told her that they would send an undercover car to watch her apartment and would question the man if he was seen in the neighborhood.
John was lucky, the cruiser had passed by the exact location of his car and he would have been arrested if it weren’t for the fact that he had left ten minutes earlier. He had to go home to download his camera so he could pleasure himself before he took his stalk to the next level. It was time to leave a note telling Mialing that he loved her and to take some of her private clothing, he needed it to complete his collection. John was also angered that Mialing had that disgusting ring on her hand, after all he loved her and she should love him not some guy that didn’t love her nearly as much as he loved her, something had to be done.
John downloaded the pictures and taped them to his wall in front of his bed. They took up most of the space in that area. He had removed most of the other pictures of his first girls now that Mialing was his newest love. He lowered his trousers and briefs and took his already erect penis in his hand and jacked himself.
“Who loves you baby, who loves you, me that’s who, me, nobody else just me.”
He kept mumbling words until he came. When he finished he felt shame for masturbating in front of Mialing but knew he couldn’t stop what he was doing until he completed what he had started. He grew agitated as he wiped his hand and redressed himself, why doesn’t she love me he wondered, I have to prove my love for her.
John drove back to Mialing’s and waited for her to leave for work. He didn’t notice the undercover car parked in the carport of the apartments across the street from Mialing’s. John lit his cigarette and watched as his perfect woman drove away. The smoke curled around his head and disappeared as the tar gathered on his windows. He smashed it out in the ashtray and exited his car. He walked to Mialing’s apartment and picked the lock with a small pick set he had bought and taught himself to use. It took several minutes before he was successful but he finally entered her abode. He wandered slowly from room to room until he found her lingerie drawer. The excitement had been too much for John as he became erect again. He found a satin camisole and removed his trousers and briefs again and began to rub his erection with the soft material. He had never done this in the girl’s apartment before, he would bring the article of clothing home and use it to pleasure himself but now he was becoming more brazen as his confidence grew.
Undercover officer, Mike Jackson had been watching as John made his way to Mialings apartment. He decided to let John enter he home since he knew she had left for work. He also knew the penalty for breaking and entering was much greater than for watching someone. Mike was a large black cop that didn’t like stalkers because his wife had been stalked once and if he could nail John he would be a happy camper. Mike exited his car and crept across the street and up the stairs to Mialing’s apartment. The door was left unlocked just incase John thought he might have to flee in a hurry. Mike pushed open the door and quietly crept into the living room. From there he could hear John grunting as he rubbed himself with the camisole. Mike peered around the doorjamb and saw what John was doing, you sick fuck he thought. Mike pulled his side arm and entered the room.
John was starting to cum as Mike yelled, “Don’t move.”
“Don’t shoot,” whimpered John as he came into Mialing’s camisole.
“What are you doing in here?” asked Mike.
“Uhh, she’s a friend of mind and I’m watching her apartment,” John lied.
“Bullshit, I know what you’re doing you sick freak, get dressed, you’re under arrest.”
“Please officer, she’s my love don’t do this.”
“Your love? You break into her apartment and use her clothing and you say she’s your love, man you’re warped, now get dressed.”
John dressed and was then cuffed to wait for a squad car to take him to jail. The police called Mialing at work and informed her that John had been arrested and that she would have to come home to see what he had done to her apartment for their report.
Mialing drove home and entered her apartment. She looked and saw that the only thing disturbed was her lingerie drawer. When she saw her camisole she felt violated.
“Would you please take that away, I can’t have it here anymore?” Mialing asked Mike.
“We need it for evidence, you can have it back afterward,” Mike replied.
“I don’t want it after what he did with it, who is he anyway?” asked Mialing.
“We’re not sure just yet, but we think he’s a stalker that’s been breaking into women’s homes for the last month. If you hadn’t noticed him he still might be free to do what he does. How did you notice him anyway?”
“It was a feeling I had, you know, like I was being watched, it was creepy. I called my boyfriend and told him about it and he called you, he’s an FBI agent,” Mialing said proudly of Mark.
“You’re lucky, if this is who we think he is, he was becoming more violent every day and he might have hurt you, thank you for your time, and thank you for being watchful, without you he might have killed someone. You can return to work if you would like.”
“After this I don’t feel like working, I think I’ll stay home.”
The police left and Mialing phoned Mark, she had to hear his voice.
“Honey, thank you for calling the police for me, they caught some guy that broke into my apartment and what he did was disgusting.”
“What did he do?” asked Mark with concern in his voice.
“I don’t want to talk about it, but it’s yucky what he did.”
“I can imagine, I’m glad you called, I miss you. I’ll be done here by the end of next week and I was thinking maybe I could bring you to my parent’s home, after all it would be nice for them to meet their future daughter-in-law.”
“You want me to meet your parents?”
“Of course I want you to meet them, they’d kill me if I didn’t bring you by.”
“Oh God Mark, I’m getting nervous already, what if they don’t like me?”
“They’ll love you don’t worry and when my mom asks you if you would like to see the family photo album, please say no, I get so embarrassed when she shows my childhood pictures.”
“No, I will not, I would never disrespect your mother that way and besides I’d love to see them, after all I am going to marry you,” giggled Mialing.
“You wait until I get back there,” Mark said menacingly and then laughed.
“Ooh, I can’t wait,” Mialing said, giggling all the more.
“Goodnight sweetheart, I love you,” replied Mark.
“And I love you too,” said Mialing as she hung up the phone.
***
Mark returned to Mialing’s after a long week in Indianapolis and they made up for lost time when they reached Mialing’s home. The next day they flew to San Francisco to meet Mark’s parents. When they arrived at the airport Mark rented a car and they drove to the sunset area of the city and parked in Mark’s parent’s driveway. Mark walked his beloved to the front door and rang the doorbell. Normally he would have just walked in but he wanted this to be special for Mialing, so he waited for his father to answer the door.
“Mark’s father answered the door and asked, “Mark why didn’t you just come in, and who is this beautiful young woman?”
“Dad, I’d like you to meet Mialing.”
“Mialing, it’s very nice to meet you. Why you’re as beautiful as your name, please come in.”
“Thank you, Mr. Conrad,” answered Mialing as she stepped through the door.
“Watch out for my dad, he flirts with all the pretty girls,” Mark said.
Mialing giggled. Mark could see his father twitch when he heard Mialing, her giggle had that effect on men.
“Marge, come here, Mark’s here with his girl friend,” yelled Jack to his wife.
Mark’s mother walked into the room and Mark introduced Mialing.
Mom, dad, this is Mialing Lee, Mialing this is Jack and Marge Conrad, my parents. Mom, dad, Mialing and I have something very important to tell you, we’re going to get married and Mialing insisted on meeting you first.”
“You two, are going to marry?” asked mom.”
“Yes mom, but not for a while, there are a lot of things to take care of, like where the ceremony will take place, practices, planning the reception getting a church and hall, there’s a lot to do.”
“Mialing, how do you feel about all this?” asked Marge.
“I’m so excited, I never thought I would marry, but then I met Mark and now I can’t imagine life without him,” answered Mialing.
Marge liked that answer and she was beginning to like Mialing. She was a mother and no woman would ever be good enough for her baby, but maybe, just maybe this beautiful woman would be. She wanted to talk to Mialing alone, there were things to be said that were for women only and Marge wanted to get to know Mialing better.
“Mialing, would you help me in the kitchen for a minute?”
“Sure, Mrs. Conrad, I’d love too.”
“Honey, call me Marge, I can’t have my future daughter-in-law calling me Mrs. Conrad all the time, it’s just not right.”
“Okay Mrs., oops, I mean Marge,” giggled Mialing.
Both men quivered with that giggle. Marge even liked the way Mialing giggled, she seemed to be a nice girl.
“Mialing, how did you meet Mark?” asked Marge.
“I was a dealer in Las Vegas and he played at my table. I don’t drink and he didn’t that night, which impressed me. I never went out with guys that played my table but there was something different about Mark, so I went to breakfast with him and we just hit it off.”
The girl doesn’t drink, hmm, maybe I have it all wrong about this girl, Marge was thinking. Marge had this idea about Mialing that she was some kind of drunk slut that had seduced her son, but she wasn’t that way at all, she seemed to be rather conservative in her actions with her son, if she only knew, but it’s best that mothers don’t know what their children do.
“Do you know what Mark does for a living?”
“Yes and I don’t like it, it scares me so, I’m so afraid something is going to happen to him,” responded Mialing.
“I used to feel that way about Jack, every day he walked out the door, and I would thank God when he returned at night. Those men just don’t know how worried we are about them getting hurt,” said Marge.
Mialing was peeling carrots while the two women talked and then Marge asked the big question, “Would you like to see our photo album? You’ll love seeing mark when he was a little boy.”
“I’d love to,” answered Mialing.
“Mark, I’m going to show Mialing the photo album, would you like to join us?”
“I’d better or the stories will be too big to believe,” said Mark as he and his father joined the girls.
Marge started to leaf through the album and telling Mialing a story about every photo.
“This was when Mark was one year old and we had a party for him and let him eat his cake by him self.”
The picture was of a baby Mark with chocolate cake all over his face.
“He’s so cute,” squealed Mialing.
“And this was when we went on vacation to Yosemite. Mark cried the whole way to the park, it was so hot and he was so uncomfortable, the poor baby.”
Mark hated it when his mother called him her baby, but knew better that to say anything, she would just scold him for being rude.
“Oh, Marge, he looks so cute in this picture, tell me about it.”
The picture was of Mark when he was five years old, wearing a cowboy outfit and sitting on a pony.
“I love that one too. We had gone to a county fair and they had a pony to take pictures with children sitting on its back. We wanted to have Mark’s picture taken and he refused. He said if he wasn’t dressed like a cowboy he wouldn’t do it, so we had to find a store and buy him that complete outfit. He wore it everyday after that until I couldn’t repair any longer and when he had to wear plain old jeans again he cried.”
“Mark, you were so cute, I love that picture,” Mialing said as she smiled at her honey.
“Mom, you know how I hate it when you tell that story.”
“Mark, I think it’s precious that your mother remembers that story and so do I,” said Mialing, as she gave him the look. After Mialing gave him the look he kept his mouth shut knowing that Mialing wasn’t to be trifled with.
Marge continued through grammar school, into middle school and Mark’s first girl friend and then high school and pictures of all the athletic events he was in. There were pictures of his proms and other dances he went to and the girls he dated, his history was now an open book to Mialing. She felt wonderful that his mother had included her into their family.
“Tell us about your family, Mialing?” Marge asked.
“They’re all dead,” Mialing answered as her eyes began to mist.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know,” said Marge as she took Mialing into her arms and held her. It was the thing a mother would do and she felt that Mialing needed a mother just now.
Mialing snuggled into Mark’s mother’s shoulder and felt a new closeness toward her fiancé, being accepted into his family meant more than words could describe, Mialing was finally finding peace with herself as the tears of happiness flowed from her eyes.
Marge felt the dampness on her shoulder from Mialing’s tears and held her tight. She didn’t know the reason for Mialing’s tears but felt responsible because she had asked about her family
Mialing lifted her head from Marge’s shoulder and said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do that.”
“I’m sorry too Mialing, I should have never asked you about your family.”
“It’s not that, that made me cry, it was the love you showed to me, they were happy tears.”
Marge looked at Mark and said, “You have a wonderful girl here and if you do anything to hurt her, you’ll have to deal with me young man.”
“Yes mom,” Mark answered, like a little boy. You could see the happiness in his face that his precious Mialing had been more than accepted by his parents, she was loved by them, life was good.
Mark and Mialing spent the night at his parent’s home, in separate bedrooms thank you, and departed in the morning. Mark’s mom loved her son’s choice for a mate and couldn’t wait to help her plan the wedding; Marge was such a mom.
***
The couple returned to Las Vegas and settled in with the wedding plans. Mark was able to work from Mialing’s for several weeks and the couple grew more in love with each passing day.
One Monday, Mialing heard the phone ring and picked it up, “Hello.”
“Mark Conrad please,” said the voice on the other end.
“Who may I say is calling?”
“Bob Lew, from the FBI.”
Mialing’s heart dropped. Mark had been home, for it really was a home now, for a month, and now she knew he would be called away. She called to Mark, “Honey, phone, it’s Bob Lew.”
“Shit,” Mark cursed, “I hope they don’t want me for something.”
Mark took the phone from Mialing and answered, “Hello Bob, to what do I owe the pleasure of this call?”
“It’s the same old thing Mark, we need you for an assignment.”
“Come on Bob, I’m getting married in a few months and I really need to be here and not off in some crappy hotel, my girl friend and I have lots to do.”
“Look Mark this thing won’t take long and better yet, you and I will be working together. You get to stay in a luxury hotel in Miami, not some dive because we’re supposed to be rich drug lords. We make the bust and that’s all we have to do, not even paperwork, someone else will do that, all we will be are front men.”
“It sounds dangerous, Bob.”
“It will be safe, agents will be in the other room watching on monitors, come on what could happen?”
“You know darn well what could happen, okay, I’ll do it, but this is the last undercover deal I’ll do, I want to be around for a long time with my wife.”
“Great, I’ll see you in a few day’s.”
Mialing had overheard Mark’s conversation with Bob Lew. Her stomach dropped when she heard him say he would go on assignment again. She hated the idea that he would be put in danger once again. Mialing liked having her man around where he wouldn’t be in danger and now he was off again. Mialing ran to the bedroom and shut the door, she needed a good cry.
Mark was aware of what Mialing had just done and knew why she was upset. He couldn’t blame her and knew she still that fragile flower he intended to marry. He also knew that he had decided on the FBI as a career and there were things he had to do or he would lose his job and danger was one of the things that went with the territory. Mark went to the bedroom and opened the door. He saw Mialing sobbing into a pillow and went to her and gathered her into his arms and held her tight.
Mark comforted Mialing and said, “Sweetheart, I promise this will be my last assignment, I’ll help train or anything else, but not go undercover anymore.”
“Promise?” Mialing sniffed.
“I promise,” Mark replied.
Mark and Bob flew to Miami the next week and checked in to the hotel in a room nest to the command post. They met with the other agents and went over the plan of the take down of the Columbian drug merchants.
Mark was to be the American buyer and Bob was to be the go between, as a drug importer from Hong Kong. His story was that he imported heroin and sold it to Mark and that Mark wanted to buy cocaine and since Bob didn’t have cocaine Mark would have to buy it from the Columbians.
“Okay guys, here’s how this is going to work,” said Jared King, “We’ll have an initial meeting tomorrow with the dealers and then see how it plays out. We think the buy will happen the next day so this should be quick and easy, get a good nights sleep, see you tomorrow.”
Jared was the head of the drug task force in the Miami area and didn’t like that Bob and Mark were sent from San Francisco to do the dirty work. He felt that his guys were better qualified to make the bust. FBI headquarters thought otherwise so Mark and Bob were there. Jared had a very high opinion of himself, which tended to get in the way sometimes but he would have to put up with these two guys that knew nothing about Miami. What he was forgetting was that these were supposed to be dealers from out of town and they were here to make a buy, not impress someone on their knowledge of Miami.
Mark and Bob returned to the hotel. Their room was luxurious; in fact it was really decadent. Hot tub, sauna, king size beds, the works.
Mark started the conversation, “Bob, I have a bad feeling about this, something doesn’t feel right.”
“I thought it was just me, that Jared guy is way too arrogant, it’s almost as though he wants this thing to fail.”
“That’s how I feel, maybe he’s on the take and he’s setting us up to take a fall, I’m glad it’s not just me that feels this way,” responded Mark.
“We should get a better feel of what’s going on after tomorrow, let’s get some sleep.”
“I have to call my girl friend first, she’ll be worried about me,” said Mark.
“Finally got someone that matters?”
“You have no idea, Bob. This girl means more to me than anything.”
“She must be very special.”
“She is, and she’s Chinese.”
“Well no wonder, that’s why I married my wife,” responded Bob.
“Because she’s Chinese?”
“No stupid, she’s white, I’ve been Chinese all my life and I wanted a change, so I married Brenda, and you know what?”
“What?”
“They’re all the same, black, white, Asian, or what ever, a woman is a woman and they keep you in tow. I thought I was being cool by marrying some blond chick, you know, no sense, boy was I wrong, the woman has a masters from UC Berkley, so much for dumb blonds. We have three kids and God I love that woman, any one that would put up with me has to be a princess.”
“That’s the way I feel about Mialing. Bob you have no idea what that poor girl has been through, and yet she comes back smiling, I don’t get it, I guess it has something to be with being a woman, hell if I had to put up with me, I’d be long gone.”
“You, I’d probably have to shoot me, if I was Brenda, hell I don’t know how she puts up with it.”
“That’s why I’m leaving the field after this is all over, I don’t want Mialing worrying about me.”
“I don’t blame you, this is my first undercover assignment since, God before nine-eleven. I don’t know what possessed me to come here this time.”
“I think I know, the office can be pretty boring sometimes and what the heck, it feels good to be back on the front line sometimes.”
“Yeh, I guess it does.” said Bob.
Mark and Bob went to bed to sleep and be ready for the next day. Mark was awoken by the sound of a voice. It was Bob and he was speaking Chinese.
“Bob, what the hell are you doing?” asked Mark as he sat up from a sound sleep.
“I’m practicing my Mandarin, since my parents died I don’t have anyone to talk too, so I’m practicing.”
“God, practice tomorrow, I need some sleep.”
“Okay, I guess the Columbians won’t be able to speak Chinese anyway, and if they can, I’ll fake it.”
“Thanks Bob,” Mark said, as he went back to sleep.
Mark and Bob slept in knowing that they didn’t have to meet with the Columbians until three PM. Mark rose and called Mialing, just tell her he loved her. Mialing was asleep so he left the message on her answering machine.
Mialing woke from a much-needed sleep. She had been worrying about Mark from the minute he left and couldn’t sleep the night before. It was a good thing that she could basically deal cards in her sleep or she would have been fired from her job. When she awoke she listened to Mark’s message but couldn’t stop worrying about him, so she called a woman that knew what she was going through.
“Hello,” Marge said.
“Hi Mrs. Conrad, it’s Mialing.”
“What’s wrong honey?”
“It’s nothing, I’m just so worried about Mark, I felt that I had to call someone, I hope I’m not bothering you.”
“Oh no honey, you’re not, I feel wonderful that you would call me, now tell me what’s bothering you?”
“It’s just that Mark’s away on an assignment and I’m worried sick about him.”
“Remember how I told you I felt the same way when Jack would go off to work, well I learned that if I prayed, everything would be alright.”
“But I don’t have a religion.”
“Do you believe in God?”
“Yes.”
“Well then pray to God for your man. God is everywhere, he’s not just one religion, trust me, it’ll make you feel better.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Conrad.”
“Mialing honey, if you don’t start calling me Marge, I’ll tell Mark not to marry you,” Marge said as she giggled into the phone. Marge really liked this girl, she was respectful and courteous, and it was obvious that she loved her son, and it made her feel good that she would call her and expose her innermost feelings with her. Mark had made a most wise choice with this girl.
“Okay, I will, goodnight Marge, and thanks,” Mialing said.
“Thanks for what?” asked Marge.
“For being there for me,” responded Mialing.
“Good night sweetheart,” said Marge. Marge hung up the phone and a tear fell from her eye, how could Mark be so lucky to find a caring woman like this, she wondered. Marge wished that Mialing was there, just so she could give her a hug.
Mark and Bob rose and had breakfast. It was already almost noon and they had to get to the hotel where the bust was going to go down. Mark wore a pair of black slacks and a black turtle neck shirt. Bob wore a blue suit, one that looked cheap as though it was made in Hong Kong at one of the inexpensive tailor shops. They looked believable as far as the drug dealers were concerned.
Bob knocked on the door of the hotel room and they were escorted in by an evil looking man. He had scars all over his face, almost as though he had been in a fire, God he was hideous. Bob and Mark were patted down for weapons. They were both smart enough to leave their guns next door knowing that this would be done. The man escorted them into the living room of the suite.
“Hello, I’m Marcus Sanchez, and you must be Rich Fong?”
“Yes, and this is Thomas Craig.”
“It’s nice to meet you gentlemen,” Marcus said as he extended his hand as a formality.
After shaking hands the men got down to business.
“Rich, I understand that you have a need of my product?”
“That’s correct, Thomas would like to buy a considerable quantity of your goods to distribute in the New York area.”
“Did you say New York?”
“That’s correct, why do you ask?”
“Because some low life scum has been distributing some of the same products in that area and were taking care of him tonight.”
“And who might that be?”
“It’s not important, but consider him gone. Thomas you will have exclusive territorial rights and we expect you to buy exclusively from us.”
“That shouldn’t be a problem,” answered Mark. Mark knew who the thug was talking about and had to warn his friend, drug dealer that he was, but Mark owed a favor and he would pay his friend back.
“How much product are we talking about?” asked Marcus.
“Two tons,” answered Mark.
“That’s a lot of product, do you have the cash?”
“More than will be needed. I want a sample though, I’m not going to by junk.” Mark stated.
“Don’t worry Senior, we only sell the best product, we’ll see you tomorrow at two PM.”
Mark and Bob rose and were escorted from the room. They went back to their hotel and called the command center to be sure that the agents had captured everything on tape.
Bob went to take a shower and when he left the room and Mark heard him enter the shower, he made a phone call. Mark had a debt to pay off.
“Hello,” said the voice on the other end of the call.
“I’d like to speak to Vince Valentine please,” said Mark.
“Who should I say is calling?” asked the gruff voice.
“Mark Conrad, he knows who I am,” replied Mark.
Mark heard the phone being passed from one person to the next.
“Hello Mark, need another favor?” asked Vince when he spoke into the phone.
“No, Vince, I want to pay back your favor from last time.”
“How are you going to do that, Mark?”
“I have some information you might be interested in.”
“You have information for me, isn’t giving me that kind of illegal?”
“Maybe just a little but I owe you and you did do me a big favor and as long as you know that you don’t know where this came from I’ll be fine. I’m undercover right now and I found out that the bad guys are planning a hit tonight in your neighborhood and I think it’s you their after. Be careful, watch your back, that’s all I can tell you, good luck Vince,” Mark said as he hung up the phone. Mark felt better now that he had cleared that debt. He didn’t like owing debts, especially to someone like Vince. He liked Vince but didn’t like what he did for a living and the more he distanced himself from that element the better off he was. Mark would sleep better tonight.
Mark and Bob rose the next morning and went to take down the Columbians. The room where the transaction was to take place was bugged so they didn’t have to wear a wire. They knew they would be patted down for weapons and if they were to wear a wire that would be found. Mark called the observation room and found that all was in place so they could proceed with the bust. What Mark and Bob didn’t know was that the Columbians had become wary of the two men, the reason being that the hit on Vincent hadn’t gone as planned. The hit men were taken out when they rolled the window down on their car. Vincent’s men had actually laid their own trap and the Columbians had fallen right into it. The results were three dead gangsters and one smug Vincent.
Bob knocked on the door and it was opened by one of the bodyguards. The men were escorted in to the foyer and searched for guns. What they didn’t know was that the money case they were carrying had a false inner panel that concealed two guns, one for Bob and one for Mark. The bodyguards were very thorough in their search, even going so far as to feel their scrotum.
“Hey,” Mark yelled, “I’m not carrying anything there, don’t touch my dick again.”
“Sorry senior, we have orders.”
Mark and Bob were led into the living room of the suite to finish the transaction that was started yesterday.
“Welcome back, gentlemen, did you bring the money Thomas?” asked Marcus.
“Yes, it’s in here,” Mark responded, patting the case with his hand. “Did you bring a sample of the merchandise for me to test?”
“Right here,” Marcus responded, as he handed Mark a small bag of cocaine.
Mark hated drugs, but he had to sample the powder or Marcus would grow even more wary than he already was. Mark drew a small amount into his nose and stated that it was good.
“Where is the rest of the shipment?” asked Mark.
“In a warehouse by the docks. It looks like a junk store but the stuff is in the back hidden in some steel drums. Let me see the money, then I will give you the correct address.”
Mark opened the case and turned it around so Marcus could see the hundred dollar bills.
“The address is thirty seven Seaside Lane, now give me the money,” ordered Marcus.
Mark turned the case around to close it but instead pulled the fake cover down and pulled the guns from the clips that were holding them and tossed one to Bob.
“You’re under arrest, FBI, now get,” gunfire erupted before Mark could finish his sentence He and Bob hadn’t seen the gunmen in the other room. Mark felt the bullet enter his back and he fell forward onto the floor making the other shots miss. Bob wasn’t so lucky as he was hit twice before he too landed on the floor. The agents in the other room came running to try to save their comrades in arms. Mark turned onto his back and fired his gun at the assailants, hitting the first in the face. The second had his gun pointed at Bob and would have pulled the trigger if it weren’t for the fact that the first gunman fell directly in front of his gun. Bob wasn’t moving and Mark knew he had to put the other man away before he fired back. Mark pulled off another round and hit he second gunman in the shoulder. This was enough to throw his aim off and he fired wildly into the wall. Marcus in the meantime had grabbed the money case and was trying to run out the side door to the hallway. The other agents had broken down the door and rushed into the room. One of them fired a shot at Marcus as a warning, but Marcus kept running. Another agent saw the second gunman and shot him in the heart before he could do anymore damage. Marcus cleared the doorway and ran down the hallway assuming he would escape. Unfortunately for him he ran into a dead end hallway and had to make a decision, shoot it out with the FBI, or hire a good attorney. Marcus took the later and gave himself up without so much as a whimper.
The agents went to Mark and Bob to see how badly they were injured. Bob wasn’t moving but not because of his wounds, one shot was in his arm and the other had grazed his scalp, knocking him unconscious. Mark’s was much more serious. It had entered his back and traveled downward after it ricocheted off a bone. Mark was beginning to feel sick as the pain was making him go into shock.
“The medics are on the way, stay with me Mark,” said one of the agents.
Mark didn’t feel like talking, he felt like throwing up, God his stomach hurt. The room started spinning and he knew he was going to pass out.
“Don’t close your eyes Mark, look at me,” said the agent.
Mark opened his eyes, he knew he had to stay conscious.
“God you’re ugly, can’t we have a girl do this?” Mark mumbled.
The paramedics arrived and went first to the unconscious Bob.
“Hey, get over here, this guy’s dieing and he needs help right now,” shouted the agent.
One medic stayed with Bob and the other went to Mark.
“How do you feel?’ asked the medic.
“Like shit.”
“Where does it hurt?”
“All over, especially down past my stomach.”
The medic could see the entry wound by Mark’s shoulder and didn’t see an exit wound so he surmised that the bullet must have traveled downward missing his heart but didn’t know what else it hit. Mark had to be transported to the hospital as soon as possible.
***
Mialing had just finished her shower when the phone rang.
“Hello,” she answered.
“Mialing, it’s Marge. I have some bad news for you honey, Mark’s been shot and is in a hospital in Miami. He’s in very serious condition and his dad and I are going to fly back there to be with him.”
“Oh my God, I’ll see if I can have the time off, and if I can’t, I’ll quit, I have to be with him. How badly is he hurt?”
“They wouldn’t tell me on the phone but they did say it was serious.”
“Thank you for letting me know Marge, I’ll see you there.”
“Damn,” Mialing cursed to herself, why did he have to go. Mialing had a feeling before he left that there would be trouble and she was right. Mialing began to shake as the news hit her, all she could think about was that she was going to lose the only person she really loved. She finally pulled herself together and called the casino and explained the situation and they were more than happy to give her as much time off as she needed. Mialing was on the next plane to Miami. When she arrived she went directly to the hospital to be with her beloved Mark.
Mialing arrived at the hospital and went to the information desk in the lobby.
“Could you tell me where I might find Mark Conrad?” she asked the little old woman behind the desk.
“Let me see dear, Conrad, hmm, ah yes here he is, oh my, he’s in I.C.U., that’s on the third floor, go see the nurse and she can direct you to where he is.”
“Thank you,” answered Mialing.
Mialing walked to the elevator and pushed the up button. In her rush to get to Mark she had grabbed the wrong pair of heels in her haste and they were beginning to make her feet hurt. Unfortunately for Mialing one other elevator was shut down for maintenance, which made her have to wait for what seemed to be forever. Mialing was tired from the flight, her feet were hurting and now the elevator was taking forever to get here. Mialing was losing patience. The elevator finally arrived and the doors opened. To make matters worse it was packed with people returning from the cafeteria in the basement. Mialing had to push her way in and then the doors barely closed. Standing next to her was a man that hadn’t shaved for days, nor had he bathed for just as long. As the aroma reached her nose she grew even angrier, she was tired, her feet hurt and now she had to stand next to some guy that smelled like death, what in the heck was happening? The elevator reached the second floor and the doors opened.
“Excuse me,” said the voice in the rear of the car, “I have to get out.”
Everyone in the front of the elevator car had to exit so Mialing stepped off first and five other people followed her lead. As the next to the last person passed through the door, he reached out and felt Mialing’s ass. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back, she looked at the man and snarled, “If you do that again, I’ll rip your heart out,” and then she dissolved into tears.
The man looked at her and couldn’t apologize fast enough.
“I’m sorry lady, I didn’t mean anything,” he said.
“What did you do to her?” asked a Marine.
“I didn’t do anything,” answered the man.
“You touched her ass, I saw you,” stated a nurse.
“Why you little prick, I should kick your ass right here,” said the Marine.
“Please mister, I didn’t mean any harm, she’s so pretty, and I thought,”
“Shut the fuck up before I hit you, tell the lady you’re sorry.”
“I’m sorry miss,” said the man as they stepped back on the elevator.
The crowd all stood away from the man leaving as much space as possible between them and the shunned man. The elevator reached the third floor and the Marine and Mialing got off.
“Do you have someone on this floor?” asked the Marine.
“My fiancé,” answered Mialing.
“Oh, was he in an accident?”
“No, he was shot. He’s an FBI agent.”
I’m sorry, I hope he gets better, maybe I’ll see you around, my dad had a heart attack so I’ll be here a while.”
“Thank you, and thank you for what you did on the elevator.”
“It was my pleasure miss, I only wish that I could have hit the guy, he deserved it.”
“Thanks again,” said Mialing as she went to the nurse station.
The nurse looked up and asked, “May I help you?”
“I’m here to see Mark Conrad please.”
“I’m sorry but only immediate family can see him.”
The nurse was having a bad day and she wasn’t going to put up with anything from anybody at this moment. It should also be mentioned that the woman was a racist and having to talk to a Chinese woman didn’t help the situation.
“I’m his fiancé,” answered Mialing.
“Yeah right,” snarled the nurse, “Unless your married to him forget it, you can’t see him.”
“Listen Miss, I just flew here from Las Vegas and I have to see him, please?” Mialing pleaded.
“I said no and that’s it, I could care less where you flew from, that’s your problem, maybe you should have asked before you flew here.”
“Listen, I’m trying to be nice here, just let me see him,” Mialing said as the anger was returning to her voice.
“Don’t get snippy with me miss or I’ll have you removed from the hospital,” responded the nurse.
Just about this time a handsome white guy came walking up and asked the nurse, “Which room is Margaret Robbins in, I’m her boy friend?”
“Room 309 sir. Margaret hasn’t regained consciousness yet but you can go back.”
“Thanks miss,” said the man as he walked to the room.
“Your letting him go back and she’s only his girl friend, what’s your problem? Why can’t I see Mark?” asked Mialing in a not too pleasant tone of voice.
“Because you can’t.”
It was at this time that Mark’s parents arrived at the hospital and found their way to the third floor.
“Mialing honey, how’s Mark?” asked Marge.
“I don’t know, the nurse won’t let me in to see him,” replied Mialing.
“What? She won’t let you in, I’ll see about that,” Marge said with determination in her voice. “Excuse me miss, why didn’t you let my future daughter-in-law in to see my son?”
“Well, because, you know, she’s different,” answered the nurse.
“Different, what do you mean by that?”
“You know what I mean, she’s not like us.”
“Don’t you mean not like you? I guess your right about that, Mialing is thoughtful and caring and would do anything to help someone and I thank God she’s not like you.”
“You can’t talk to me like that, I’m the one in charge here, and by the way who are you anyway?”
“Mark’s my son and we're the people that are going to get you fired.”
“I doubt that.”
“We’ll see,” replied Marge, as the pissing match continued.
“It’s alright Marge, I’ll see him later,” said Mialing trying to calm the escalating situation.
“No it’s not alright and I’m not going to put up with it, this woman owes you an apology,” replied Marge.
“Apologize, I doubt it, now do you want to see your son or not?”
“Yes we do want to see him, I’ll deal with you later,” said Marge.
“He’s in room 311 and take your friend here with you, I can’t stand to look at her any longer,” the nurse spitted out.
“Bitch,” Marge mumbled under her breath.
Mialing, Marge and Jack walked to Mark’s room. They were surprised to see a cop guarding the door.
“May I help you?” he asked.
“I’m Mark’s fiancé, and these are his parents. We just arrived from the west coast and have to see him,” Mialing told the officer.
“I’ll have to see some identification before I’ll let you in,” replied the officer.
All three showed their identification and were admitted into the room. Mark was sleeping and had tubes running into his arm and nose. Mark was meditated to keep him from moving. He had just been operated on to remove the bullet and patch up the damage it had caused.
Mialing went to his side and took his hand in hers and held it tight. Mark didn’t move because of the drugs in his system.
“Mark, it’s Mialing, your mom and dad are here with me,” Mialing said softly. Her voice had a quiver to it exposing her fear that she might lose this man she loved so much.
When Mialing spoke Mark’s mouth moved ever so slightly, but then he just lied still.
The three people found chairs and sat knowing they would be here for a while.
The door opened sometime later and a doctor entered the room.
“Oh, I didn’t know Mark had visitors,” he said.
“Hi, I’m Mialing Lee, Mark’s fiancé, and these are his parents, Marge and Jack Conrad,” Mialing said as she introduced each other.
“I’m pleased to meet you, I’m Dr. Bruce Weston.”
“How badly is Mark injured?” asked Mialing.
“Very badly. The bullet missed his heart and lungs but did hit his intestines. We had to go in and close up what damage we did find and now it’s pretty much up to him as far as his recovery is concerned. The thing we have to worry about now is infection from the damage done to his insides. We’ll have to keep a close watch on him.”
The doctor took all the vital signs and marked them down on the chart.
“He seems stable right now, but the next two days will tell the whole story on how well he recovers. If he becomes infected, it will happen soon and we’ll be able to treat it. We have him on antibiotics now so hopefully he should be able to fight any infection he might get before it becomes serious.”
The Doctor left the room and the long wait continued.
Mialing held Mark’s hand in hers trying to make him well with her touch. It had been around six hours since they entered the room and Mialing needed a break.
“I’m going to take a walk,” she said to Mark’s mother, “I need some fresh air.”
“Be careful honey,” Marge answered.
Mialing left the room and was happy to see the nurse that hated her so had gone off duty. In her place was a Filipino nurse who was as nice as could be.
“How’s your boyfriend?” she asked.
“He’s still the same,” answered Mialing.
“He’ll get better now that you’re here,” said the nurse.
“I hope so. What happened to that other woman that was here, she was so nasty to me?”
“Do you mean Judy? I know what you’re saying, she hates me. Her sister was supposed to have this job but wasn’t qualified and they gave it to me. If you’re not white she doesn’t like you and if your Asian she dislikes you even more especially after her sister lost the job. Don’t pay any attention to her, she’s just bluffing when she makes threats.”
“Thank you I won’t. I’m going outside for some fresh air, is there a place I can walk?”
“Yes, if you pass through the parking lot there is a park just past the gate that is nice.”
“Thank you miss,” said Mialing.
Mialing took the elevator down to the first floor and walked toward the parking lot. As she rounded the corner of the building she saw a man push a woman against a car and raise his clenched fist to hit her as he yelled, “You bitch.”
Mialing couldn’t believe what she was seeing as the man’s fist hit the woman’s face. He raised his hand again and Mialing yelled, “Stop!”
The man looked at Mialing and said, “Mind your own business.”
“I’m calling the police,” said Mialing, and then turned and started screaming, “Help, someone, please help.”
The man released the woman and rushed toward Mialing to shut her up. Mialing raised her foot and kicked, catching the man in the groin. He went down writhing in pain. Mialing rushed to the aid of the injured woman and asked, “Are you alright?” It was then that Mialing recognized her, she had just saved nurse Judy.
“I’ll be okay,” Judy answered, “Thank you for helping me, if you hadn’t my husband might have killed me.” Judy looked up and recognized Mialing.
“You’re welcome, I didn’t want him to hurt you.”
“After the way I treated you, I would have just walked away and let the man beat me, why did you help me?”
“It was the right thing to do.”
“You might have been injured yourself?”
“I didn’t think about that, I just wanted to help you.”
“I’m so ashamed of the way I treated you earlier.”
“Why were you like that to me?”
“Because you’re Chinese, and now I feel like such a fool.”
Judy had been brutally honest with Mialing, she had admitted that she was a racist and now the girl she despised had saved her from a brutal beating. Everything she had been taught as a child was wrong and now she was going to have to go against everything she believed, that someone that wasn’t white was the equal of her and had been her savior. The tears came and Judy took Mialing into her arms, she needed someone right now and that someone was Mialing.
“It’s alright,” Mialing said as she comforted Judy, “He won’t bother you anymore.”
Judy just cried, how could she have been so wrong about people.
Judy finally gathered her thoughts and said, “Can you forgive me, I’ve been so terrible to you?”
“It’s okay, as long as you’re safe, that’s all that matters,” answered Mialing as she continued to hold the distraught woman.
“I’ll never be able to thank you enough,” said Judy as she broke Mialing’s embrace.
By this time the police arrived and took Judy’s husband into custody. Mialing gave a report as to what had happened and returned to Mark’s side. She had had enough excitement for one day, just being with Mark would make her happy again.
Judy returned to work the next day sporting a black eye and was as nice as could be toward Mialing and Marge. She apologized for her rude conversation with Marge and as the days past became a good friend to Mialing, even inviting her to her home for dinner.
Mark was making progress also, the infection that was so feared never took place and he was ready to go home after week and a half in the hospital. Mark decided to go to his parent’s home so he would be looked after since Mialing had to return to work.
Mialing had returned to work for a month and the wedding plans were going ahead on schedule once again. It was at this time that she heard some news that excited her and phoned Mark about what she had heard.
“Mark, it’s Mailing, how are you feeling?”
“Almost one hundred percent. I go back to work next week. I told them no more fieldwork. Bob decided to retire after what happened.”
“That’s why I’m calling you, I heard from some friends that the head of security has opened up at the Treasure Island casino and they are interviewing for the job. They want someone with law enforcement experience and it pays a lot more than the job you have now. The best part is that you will be here with me and won’t be in the danger you were in before, what do you think?”
“I think I’ll be on a plane tomorrow to interview, do you know of a place I can stay?”
“You brat, of course I know of a place you can stay, and the best part is that you can sleep with the tenant,” giggled Mialing.
Mark flew to Las Vegas the next day and interviewed for the job. The board was impressed and decided that Mark would be their man and he would start his new job in eight weeks. This would be perfect timing. The wedding was to take place in six weeks and it would give him time to put things in order at the FBI headquarters.
Mark and Mialing had decided to have the wedding in San Francisco since most of the guests lived in the bay area and there were more options for locations to have the ceremony. The ceremony was to take place in Tilden Park in the Berkeley hills. The reception would take place on a yacht on the San Francisco Bay. This limited the number of guests to one hundred so only their closest friends could attend.
The day of the wedding arrived and Mialing was the most beautiful bride the guests had ever seen. She arrived at the park in a limousine with her bride’s maids. She went into the lodge to await the ceremony. The processional began and she walked down the aisle to the waiting Mark. Since she didn’t have any family who better than Jason Willard to give her away, after all Jason was practically the father of Mialing.
“Who gives this woman in marriage?” asked the preacher.
“I do,” answered Jason as he took Mialing’s hand and placed it in Mark’s waiting hand.
The ceremony continued and finally came to the reciting of the vows. Both Mialing and Mark were asked to write their own vows and now was the time for them to recite them.
“Mialing, before I met you my world revolved around myself. I didn’t care what I did except to please myself, but when I met you everything changed, you became the center of my universe. I finally knew what love meant, it was my feeling for you. I couldn’t imagine living another day without you, Mialing, I love you and want you to be my wife forever.”
“Mark, before I met you I had never felt love. When we first dated I felt things I had never felt before and didn’t know what those feelings were. This might sound silly but I finally knew I was in love when we were at Grand Canyon and you pulled that prank on me and I thought I had lost you, I was sick with grief if only for a few seconds, Mark you made me alive when you kissed me the very first time and I can’t imagine life without you, Mark, be my husband forever, I love you.”
“Mark, do you take Mialing to be your wife for better or worse till death do you part?”
“I do.”
“Mialing, do you take Mark to be your husband for better or worse till death do you part?”
“I do.”
“Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce Mr. And Mrs. Mark Conrad.”
The gathering cheered as the couple kissed as husband and wife for the first time. There would be many other kisses during the day as the celebration continued. Mark had finally won the heart of the woman he loved and Mialing? Mialing had finally found peace in her life.
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By
Arecee
My breathing was becoming ragged and shallow as I looked at my red painted nails showing through Dave’s black hair. I pulled his mouth tighter against my bare breast. The sexual tension had built beyond any control on my part, but that’s exactly what I wanted to happen. I felt an orgasm building and Dave hadn’t even penetrated me, yet. This was the night I would prove my love for him. His tongue licked and caressed my nipple with practiced skills I’m sure had been learned from another woman. I couldn’t feel jealous, but thankful for her teaching him exactly what a woman loves. The tension finally broke with a scream and a moan from my lips. This was the first release of many Dave would bring me during the evening.
I took his hardness in my hand and guided him into me. It was the first time we had made love and I almost wished we hadn’t waited so long. After three months of teasing and promises I was allowing it to happen. He was a master and brought me to orgasmic bliss after orgasmic bliss before he allowed himself as much pleasure as I had experienced.
After our third love making session, Dave was spent and as hard as it was to admit, I was sore from all the exercise. I snuggled in Dave’s arms with my arm across his muscled chest and thought back to when we first met and why I had fallen so deeply in love with the man.
I had gone on break from my job as an attorney with a high-end corporate law firm in San Francisco. Finding an empty table at the local Starbucks was like finding a treasure worth thousands of dollars. I grabbed it and started to sip my coffee of the day. Yep, I’m one of those girls that like things simple, none of the fancy lattes for me.
Taking a sip of the steaming liquid, I opened a mystery novel I was reading by CJ Lyons, you know the ones, adventure, drama, and lots of romance. I was reading the sixth chapter when I heard the door open and in stepped the most gorgeous man I had ever seen. The first thing I noticed about him was his black hair and intense blue eyes. A warm glow spread from my stomach as I looked on with an obvious stare. It was all I could do to draw my eyes away to see what else I was missing with this man. His groomed three-day growth of beard only highlighted his full lips. He was dressed casually, a tweed jacket, a dress shirt, the top button undone, a perfectly pressed pair of brown slacks just touching his Bruno Maglly shoes. The man obviously knew how to dress and nothing was from Wal-Mart. My hands started to shake and I couldn’t draw my eyes from the man, which he noticed, smiling at me with the most perfect teeth I had ever seen. I hadn’t even noticed the smile until my eyes returned to his handsome face and then I felt the blush rise to my cheeks. I was so busted, but I had never had a man affect me this way. I smiled back and lowered my eyes, hoping that he hadn’t noticed how embarrassed I was. He had, but was enough of a gentleman not to mention it.
I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him and followed him with furtive glances as he waited for his order. Finally after what seemed like minutes I went back to my novel.
“May I sit here?” this gorgeous baritone voice asked.
Looking up, my face went red again. God, it was him and he was asking if he could sit at my table. My stomach churned and I felt numb all over, most of which he couldn’t see. My lack of speaking ability did show.
“Is someone sitting with you?” he asked, as I melted in his gaze.
“A, a, a, nno,” I answered, feeling as though I was some kind of spastic.
“Good, I was hoping you were alone,” he said, placing his drink on the table across from me, his voice doing things to me I only read about in romance novels.
Alone, he was hoping I was alone? ‘God, I can’t be that lucky,’ I thought.
“Interesting novel?” he asked.
“Yes,” I answered hesitantly. God, what’s wrong with me?
“What’s it about? I read quite a lot.”
“It’s about an ER doctor and a cop that fall in love.”
I can’t believe I just said that. The story is about drugs, murder, and revenge, and yet all I could answer was about the love they found.
“My favorite kind of stories,” he laughed.
“I doubt it,” I was finally able to answer in coherent terms.
“Do you come here often?”
“Only when I need a cup of coffee, which is about twice a day,” I laughed, as my nervousness seemed to disappear.
“You have a lovely laugh. I guess today was my lucky day then.”
“Why’s that?”
“This is my first time here and I was lucky enough to find you.”
If he didn’t see me blushing, the man must be blind.
“Your first time? New to the area?”
“Kind of. The company I work for just opened our west coast operations and I came to make sure everything went smoothly.”
“And did it?”
“We just started moving, so there’s not much for anyone to screw up just yet. What about you, where do you work?”
“I work for a law firm in Embarcadero Center. I’m an attorney and work with one of the partners.”
“Law, God how I hated law. Studied it for four years at Columbia just to make my parents happy and couldn’t wait until I graduated. I never did try for the Bar, but I didn’t care. Four years was enough to waste as far as I was concerned.”
“You studied law for four years and let it go to waste?”
“Not really. I still use what I learned from school, but use it in a different way. I’m sorry, I’ve been rude. You don’t even know my name and here I am spilling all the family secrets to you. I’m Dave Brand,” he said extending his hand to mine.
“Emily Strong,” I replied, reaching for his hand. The weather had been dry and windy, which produces static electricity and the predictable results, a spark jumped between our fingers.
“Ouch,” I said.
“That must be a sign,” he laughed, as my petite hand disappeared in his.
His hand felt warm and inviting, not really soft, but not callused as if he had been working in construction. His grip was firm without being rude. I hated it when he let go and returned it to his beverage. My hand felt as though I had just removed my favorite glove.
I sat silently for what seemed to be hours. This man had so affected me that I was at a loss for words, which didn’t happen often. My girl friends constantly ask me if I ever shut up?
“Did I say something wrong?” he asked, stirring me from my thoughts.
“Oh no, just the opposite,” I replied, “It’s just that I don’t believe in signs.”
“What a shame. I was hoping the spark would allow you to say yes when I asked you out for dinner.”
“You don’t need a spark for me to say yes,” I flirted.
“Well then, what time can I pick you up tonight?”
“Tonight?”
“Of course, we both need to eat and I can’t think of anyone I would rather share a meal with than you.”
God, Dave was good. I had heard my share of pickup lines and most sounded so phony, but when he said the lines, it was as though he really meant what he was saying. It’s true, I was smitten and maybe that had something to do with how I believed his every word, but so what, I liked the man.
“Is seven okay?” I asked.
“Perfect.”
I removed one of my cards from my purse and wrote my home address and cell phone number on the back before handing it to him.
“Protect that with your life,” I giggled, like a little girl after meeting her first boyfriend at a summer dance. I could hardly believe the effect Dave was having on me.
I couldn’t think of a man who had made me feel the way I did. Men approaching me was something I’d dealt with on a daily basis. I’ve been told that I’m a very attractive woman, and had done some modeling to work my way through college. I tend to stray toward my Mexican heritage and my Russian genes sort of sculpted my face to make it exotic. I’ve been truly blessed. I have an athletic figure, keeping it that way by running five miles a day. I stand five foot six and I think it’s all legs. It certainly makes running much easier. I wear my hair long, halfway down my back, but the daily care I must give it is worth the effort. Most women I meet ask if it is hard to care for, and I just laugh and tell them it attracts men. My eyes are brown, almost black and large with lashes to die for. I almost never add false lashes, as they aren’t necessary. My lips are full and my nose petite.
I glanced at my watch and saw that I had exceeded my break by ten minutes, and yet, I didn’t care. God this man had screwed me up big time.
“Oh my God, I’m late. What should I wear?” I asked as I stood, taking my half finished coffee with me.
“Something casual, do you like Chinese?”
“Very much but I have to run. See you tonight, Dave,” I called, then ran as fast as my two-inch heels would allow. I was back in my office four minutes later.
The day seemed to drag. My boss and I were working on a brief concerning our client and a realty firm trying to break his lease so the property could be sold. The problem was that he had nine years to go on a ten-year lease and didn’t want to move.
My boss wasn’t happy that I was fourteen minutes late returning from break but he would get over it and what would he do, fire me? I was much too knowledgeable to be easily replaced and he knew it, so I bowed my head humbly and mumbled, “Sorry.”
As hard as I tried, I couldn’t keep Dave from entering my head as I researched various cases pertaining to ours. Five couldn’t come soon enough.
Five came and I caught the Muni to Hyde Street, exited the bus and walked the rest of the way home. Living in an apartment two blocks from the crookedest street in the world had its advantages. Views and location. Luckily I’d found the apartment on a down swing of the market or I wouldn’t be able to afford the location. Sliding my key into the lock in the wood and glass door I turned the cylinder and pushed the heavy door open, stepping inside. My heels clicked all the way across the tile floor. My neighbor told me they had replaced the carpet with the beige tile one month before I moved in. I almost wish they hadn’t as the noise seemed to alert everyone in the building that Emily was home.
I took the elevator to the fourth floor and walked to my apartment in the rear. There were four apartments on each floor, two in front of the building and two in the rear. The advantage of living in the rear was a view of Coit Tower and North Beach. Living in front gave you a view of the park across the street and the romantic cable cars passing by every fifteen minutes. The neighbors in front said they got used to the sound, but I think they would have been more than happy to exchange apartments.
It was five forty five when I closed the front door and I had no idea of what to wear. Making a frantic dash to my bedroom I threw open my closet door and started to throw casual clothing on the bed, skirts, blouse and sweaters. Even a few dresses found their way to the pile. Now I could try to figure out what to wear that Dave would be impressed with.
Dave had said to wear something casual. Casual to one person is slovenly to another, and I wasn’t going to take a chance of blowing our first date by not looking well put together. Trying different combinations was taking way more time than I thought and when I finally settled on a nice skirt and sweater, it was six thirty and I hadn’t even showered. Why was it so important for me to make an impression on this man I hardly knew? He was just a man. I had dated lots of men, so why was this one so different?
I ran the water in the shower, wrapped my hair in a towel and stepped in for a quick rinse. Ten minutes later I was dry and wondering why I had picked the sheerest sexiest bra and panty set I owned. Dave would never see them, yet they were my choice.
Removing the towel from my hair, I brushed it out. Tic tock, tic tock, the clock seemed to move at an incredible pace. It was five minutes to seven and I still had my makeup to do. I couldn’t believe I wasted forty-five minutes trying to find something to wear. ‘Dress casually he said, so why am I trying so hard to impress him?’ I oiled my legs, slid on my skirt and pulled the sweater over my head, mussing my hair.
“Shit,” I swore. I didn’t have time for this.
It was exactly seven when my intercom buzzed. ‘God he’s here and I’m not ready, shit, shit, shit. He’s going to think I’m some sort of flake.’
I pushed the talk button and said, “Yes?”
“Hi Emily, it’s Dave,” he said brightly.
‘I know who it is for God’s sake, and I’m not ready.’ I felt a rivulet of sweat trickle down my back as nervousness reared its ugly head.
“Come in Dave, I’m in 4C. I still have to put my makeup on so I’ll leave the door unlocked. Just let yourself in,” I said, pushing the lock button on the intercom unit.
Running to the front door, I unlocked it, made sure it would open from outside and returned to my bedroom. Sitting in front of my dressing table I wondered what to do with my makeup. ‘Casual the man said, yeah right,’ I thought and began to put on the war paint.
“Emily, I’m here,” I heard Dave call.
“I’ll be out in a minute. Help yourself to a drink in the refrigerator, there’s some beer in there, or juice if you’d like,” I answered.
It was ten minutes before I finished painting myself. It would have taken much less time, but the false lashes that I NEVER wear took forever to get right. I was definitely going casual, right.
‘Shoes, which shoes do I wear?’ In my haste to get ready I had forgotten to coordinate my shoes with what I was wearing. My skirt was a light grey and the sweater was charcoal grey and the only heels I had that looked good would be the charcoal grey pumps tucked in the rear of the closet. I had bought them as a joke with my girlfriends and swore I would never wear them. They were beautiful and very sexy, but four and a half inch heels will do that. The main reason I swore to never wear them was the comfort factor. Comfort was a word missing from the dictionary when they made these heels. I had tried them on at the store and found them to fit very nicely, so cha-ching! $350.00 dollars later I carried them from the store. The first and last time I wore them was when the girls and I went out dancing and CFM heels seemed like a good idea. I couldn’t have been more wrong because a half of an hour into our evening I had to remove the torture devices and dance bare footed. That was the night I’d learned feet swell. Needless to say the shoes had never touched my feet again, until tonight.
I entered the living room and saw Dave’s mouth turn to a hundred watt smile as his eyes wandered from my head to my toes and back up again. He obviously liked what he saw and his reaction was worth wearing the torturous heels.
“Wow, you look great,” he stammered.
“You look pretty nice yourself,” I smiled.
He did look nice, better than nice. When we first met at Starbucks his alarming good looks had made a ball of putty out of me. Yes I knew he was handsome, make that very handsome and had made me see him as one large work of art. Now with my brain under some control I was able to really look at him. I was able to notice little things I had missed the first time I saw him, like the tiny scar marring his fabulous face. It was just below his eye and the groomed growth of beard almost hid it. I wondered how he got it; I’d have to ask. I knew he was tall, but not having a way to gauge his height I had only guessed. Now with the heels and standing next to him he towered over me. He had to be at least six foot two. His clothes fit him perfectly and made me wonder if he had them tailored? His clothes were casual, but so put together that they looked almost formal.
“Are you ready to go?” he asked, his voice sent shivers down my back.
“Yes, let me get my purse.”
I removed my purse from the coat hook on the stand next to the door. Having put my things in it earlier, I was ready to go. Dave opened the door for me and closed it behind me.
“I’ll lock it for you,” he said holding his hand out for the key. ‘Good manners,’ I thought.
After locking the door and escorting me down the elevator we exited into the street. A chilled breeze grazed my legs and caused me to shiver slightly. Maybe I should have worn hose, but I loved showing off my bare legs when ever possible.
“Parking’s really tough in this neighborhood,” he said with a concerned look on his face. “I had to park two blocks away. Would you like me to get the car for you?”
I had chosen to dress as I had and as much as it pained me, I wasn’t going to look like some kind of wuss on our first date. I clenched my jaw firmly and said, “I’ll be fine, let’s go.”
Dumb, dumb, dumb, I was almost in tears by the time we reached Dave’s rental car. Opening the door for me I sighed when my weight left my feet and turned into the car.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“It’s these shoes. I wore them just for you, and they haven’t broken in yet. I’ll be fine.”
‘Broken in yet? These are shoes that will never break in. Who am I trying to kid, Dave or me?’
“Do you have any preferences?” he asked.
“No, where ever you want to take me is fine.”
“Since this is my first time in San Francisco I asked one of my fellow workers where I should go and he recommended China First on Clement Street. I already put the address in the navigation system, so hopefully we won’t get lost.”
“I’m in your hands, oh great pathfinder,” I giggled.
“Good luck with that. If it weren’t for GPS, I’d have died somewhere in the middle of a forest I was stupid enough to get lost in,” he laughed.
Dave’s laugh was free and open, making my heartbeat faster. Never had anyone affected me the way he did.
We made small talk as the guidance system directed us to the avenues. Finding the restaurant was easy, but finding parking was another matter. Dave circled the blocks searching for a place to park and finally another car pulled out in front of us. Unfortunately the parking spot was two blocks from the restaurant and it wasn’t like we had several options of choice so Dave pulled in.
“Sorry I couldn’t find something closer,” he said.
“It’s okay, you tried,” I answered.
Fortunately my shoes were beginning to loosen on my feet, not a lot, but they felt better during another marathon walk. The neighborhood where we were is known as China Town west and I couldn’t help thinking about the poor Chinese women who had bound their feet many centuries ago and the price paid for beauty.
“Here we are,” he said and opened the front door of the restaurant for me.
Looking around I saw a small fish tank with goldfish between the entry and the dining area. To the right was a low wall and then several small tables in front of the outside window. Larger tables then continued on my right to the rear of the restaurant. There was an aisle way between those tables and another grouping of tables to the left of the aisle. In the rear was a wall of aquariums filled with fish, crabs, shrimp, and other seafood waiting to be thrown into a sizzling wok.
Mostly the place was filled with Chinese people, which is a good sign as to the quality of the food.
“How many?” the hostess/waitress asked.
“Two,” Dave answered.
“It be about ten minutes,” she answered in broken English.
The right hand wall was covered with white boards, each with dishes not found in the menu we opened to see what we might order. Much of it was written in Chinese but I think most was translated into English. My eyes grew little wider as I read what was being offered. Pork intestines, frogs, and not just the legs, I wanted to scream, but knew I would be making a fool of myself in front of the man who was trying to impress me.
“Quite a colorful menu,” he said motioning to the wall, with a chuckle.
“Ewww, I don’t know how anyone could eat some of those things.”
“Watch the Travel channel sometime. You’d be surprised what people eat and think are delicacies. It makes pork intestines seem like a fine steak.”
“It’s funny, but I really never ate much Chinese food except for what they have at Panda Express. I’m more of an Italian cuisine kind of girl.”
“We can leave if you’d like?”
“No way, Buster. I walked two blocks to get here and my feet won’t let me leave without eating a little chow mein first.”
The hostess returned and showed us to a table tucked in a corner. It was one for four people, but most of the tables in the restaurant were round and could easily hold ten.
We sat, the hostess laid two menus in front of us and walked away.
“What would you like?” Dave asked.
“I don’t know. Why don’t you order for us?” I replied.
“Are you sure you trust me?”
“Its just food, Dave. It’s not like you asked me to your room,” I laughed.
“Point well taken. My friend made some suggestions, and don’t worry, we won’t be eating any frogs or turtles.”
Our waiter came to our table placed a pitcher of tea down and asked, “Are you ready?”
“My friend told me to order chicken wings with salt and pepper, pork chow mein, Hong Kong style, Mongolian beef and Chinese broccoli with Chinese sausage, and rice.”
The waiter repeated our order took our menus and left the table.
“I’m sorry, did you want soup?” Dave asked.
“I’m fine. I don’t eat that much and it sounds as though you ordered just the right amount.”
Dave poured a cup of tea and placed it in front of me.
“So, tell me what you do at your law firm.”
“I’m the attorney that does most of the work while my boss schmooze’s the client. You know, research cases and do what ever needs to be done to make him look good. What about you? You must be pretty important to have to come all the way out here from, God I don’t even know where you’re coming from, no that doesn’t sound right, what city, that’s what I meant.”
“Atlanta. The firm I work for is one of the largest advertising companies in Georgia. I’m sorry, but I’ve misled you. I’m the CEO and expanding to the west coast has been a dream of mine for years. Its finally happening and I
want to be sure my baby gets off the ground with no problems.”
“You’re the CEO?”
“Guilty as charged. I’m the majority stockholder. I started the company seven years ago and it’s grown every year, even during this recession. We went public just last year and I want to be sure it doesn’t take a dive like some of the social networking sites have recently.”
Our waiter returned with a plate of chicken wings smothered in garlic and sliced jalapeno peppers. Next came a bowl of rice, the broccoli and then the other two dishes.
“Do you have a fork?” I asked, blushing slightly. I could imagine what the waiter was thinking, tourists.
He returned with two forks and placed the on the table between us. This wasn’t a restaurant where etiquette was observed. We bring it; you eat it, and if you want anything more, go somewhere else.
I took my first succulent bite of the chicken wings. I didn’t have to worry about chopsticks or forks as my fingers worked just fine. I had to admit they were the best wings I had ever eaten.
“Give me your plate and I’ll dish everything up for you,” Dave said.
“Thanks,” I replied and handed him my plate.
Watching as he place a little of each dish on my plate, I was taken back by the dexterity with which he handled his chopsticks. Chopsticks were a skill I had never conquered but was willing to learn if Dave was willing to teach me.
“How do you do that so easily?” I asked.
“I spent time in Japan last year wooing a client, and had to learn, or believe it or not, lose the client. The Japanese are very conservative when it comes to custom and one is using chopsticks. Would you like me to teach you how to do it?”
“I’d love that.”
Dave handed my plate back to me and came around behind me, reached around my shoulders and took my hand in his. My stomach flip-flopped at his touch. He carefully placed to chopsticks between my fingers and moved the sticks to the plate. He helped me lift a piece of beef from the plate and let go of my hand. I didn’t move and stared at the chopsticks and the morsel of food between them.
“Now, lift them slowly to your mouth and take a bite.”
I moved slowly until I was halfway to my mouth and then the sticks crossed sending the beef across the table onto the floor.
“Oh God,” I stammered.
Dave began to laugh. “I’m sorry, but you should have seen the expression on your face., It was priceless.”
I felt my face turning red with embarrassment and thought about what I had just done. I pictured the beef flying from the table and couldn’t help myself. I started to laugh. My sides were hurting by the time I finally gained control of myself.
“I think I’d better stick to the fork,” I giggled.
”You might be right. This is no place to learn a new skill, although I’m sure the people in here see what you did everyday.”
“And I thought I was so sophisticated.”
“Don’t feel bad. The first time I tried sticks I practically threw a piece of fish at the man hosting the dinner I had attended. Luckily he was faster than the fish,” he laughed.
I laughed too. Dave was a wonderful date and we had become quite comfortable with each other.
Dave walked me to my door at the end of the evening. He held his hand out for me to take and pull myself from the car. He didn’t let go when I stood next to him. His hand was warm and felt special as we walked to my door.
“I had a wonderful time, Dave,” I said, as we turned to look at each other.
“I did too. Would I be too forward to ask if you’re busy this Saturday night? I’d really like to take you somewhere special, and then maybe a club afterward?”
“I’d like that. Call me and let me know what to wear.”
“I will.”
We stood and looked in each other’s eyes, each wondering if it would be too forward to kiss the other goodnight. I made the decision for us, and pulled him down and kissed him on the cheek.
“Good night Dave.”
“Night, Emily.”
He turned walked away and was gone. I felt empty.
Dave called the next day and told me he had reservations at Gary Danco. I knew I would have to dress very nicely as this is one of the best restaurants in San Francisco.
I remembered the date as being very special and romantic. After dinner we went to Yoshi’s on Fillmore, but by this time I was so infatuated with Dave I don’t remember whom we saw. What I did remember was looking in his eyes like a lovesick puppy, studying the deep blue of his eyes, his lovely lashes and his lips. Oh how I wanted to kiss those lips. I wouldn’t be denied when he brought me home. Our fist kiss was tentative, but the second, WOW is all I can say. Other men had kissed me, but this was different. We shared a special connection and it only grew over the next three months.
One date did come to mind which would influence what I was going to tell Dave after the bliss of our love making had settled and left me able to speak in coherent thoughts.
That date was two months after our first date. We had been seeing each other with increasing regularity. Our conversations had grown to the point where we almost told each other that we loved each other. It was obvious that we did, at the very least I did but knowing and saying you do are two different matters. If I were to profess my love, would it drive him away from me? I wasn’t sure, so I didn’t say anything, hoping Dave would say something first.
We were walking on Chestnut Street having just eaten dinner. Our arms were wrapped around each other and we shared kisses as we walked.
There was a scuffle ahead of us. Three drunken men had bumped another man from behind, causing him to fall to the sidewalk.
“Out of the way, Fag,” one of the men said, much louder than was necessary.
“Yeah,” one of the others said.
I felt Dave go tense. He turned to me and said, “Wait here and if you feel threatened, go in that bar,” pointing to a bar we had just passed.
I watched with fear as Dave walked to the group of men and said, “You owe this man an apology.”
The men looked at Dave and sneered, “This ain’t no man. He’s nothing but a Fag.”
“He’s a man like you and me. His sexual preferences are none of your business or mine, and even if it was you should mind your own business.”
“Fuck you buddy,” the tallest of the men said.
The mouth stood about five-eleven, was about thirty-five, and had let his football build deteriorate into fat. His gut hung over his jeans, diminishing the size of his chest. His arms were well muscled, but he looked slow, which is what he was.
Dave surveyed the three men and decided to act first. When you’re in a fight against superior odds, the best way is to even those odds. Dave slammed his fist into the man’s nose. I heard a sickening sound as blood sprayed in every direction. The man went down grabbing his nose, moaning. His friends looked at Dave and decided they didn’t want any part of him.
“Hey man, we’re cool,” the shorter of the two, said, holding up his hands in a surrendering gesture.
The man they had attacked had rolled from the sidewalk and was resting against the wall in a seated position.
“Apologize to the man,” Dave said, pointing toward the man against the wall.
“We’re sorry, mister,” Shorty said.
The man nodded his acceptance. Dave reached down and pulled the gay man to his feet.
“Thank you,” he said. “I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t come along.”
“I have a pretty good idea. Those guys were Neanderthals, and I’m glad I was here to help.”
“I don’t know how to ever thank you.”
“You don’t have to. Enjoy the rest of your evening.”
Dave turned and walked slowly back to me. The man with the bloody nose was just moving into a sitting position. He hadn’t stopped moaning since Dave hit him.
“I’m sorry,” Dave said when he returned to me. “But I hate it when assholes like that bully someone just because they’re gay. Scum like that piss me off and I just had to do something.”
“You did the right thing,” I said, and pulled him into a scorching kiss. I couldn’t have been more proud of the man I had fallen in love with.
“I hated for you to see me fighting like that.”
“You did it for the right reasons. It shows what kind of man you are.”
“Any one would have done the same thing.”
“They wouldn’t have, especially after they heard the word Fag. Most guys wouldn’t get within twenty feet of someone like that.”
“Well, I don’t feel that way. I just don’t understand what those thugs problem was. That man hadn’t hurt anyone.”
“Some people just can’t let their prejudices go. I’m so happy you’re not that way. What you did made me love you even more than I did already.”
‘Oh my God, I just let slip my true feelings for this man. Hopefully what I said won’t drive him away.’
Reading Dave’s thoughts was impossible. When he finally started to smile and take me in his arms, I knew our relationship was going to be okay.
“And I love you, Emily Strong,” and our lips met. His tongue slid into my mouth and I melted to his touch. God I wanted to bed this man, but my confession of love would be enough for one night. The night we would consummate our relationship would occur a month later.
Dave was sleeping and barely stirred when I snuggled closer to him. His breathing was slow and relaxed. My thoughts went back to earlier in the day when I knew this was the night I would do everything in my power to seduce this wonderful man I loved.
Dave had made plans for dinner and a quiet cocktail after at the Top of The Mark. The bar is one of the most romantic places in San Francisco. Dinner was going to be at Boulevard. I wondered what Dave did or whom he knew. Reservations at some of the restaurants we dined at needed to be placed three months ahead, and Boulevard was one of those.
I prepared by going to my favorite salon. I wanted my hair to be perfect and my hair stylist didn’t disappoint. My nails were done at the same time, as I didn’t want to take a chance of not being perfect.
Dave was picking me up at six. We would have a cocktail before at a trendy new restaurant south of Market.
I had spent the previous day shopping for a new dress. Most of the clothes I wear are sophisticated and a little flirty, but nothing that went over the line toward outright sexy. Sophisticated wasn’t what I wanted the next night, so I went on a shopping spree I hoped would leave no question as to my motives when Dave picked me up.
I found a beautiful electric blue dress at Nordstrom’s that didn’t even try to reach mid-thigh. I never wore dresses or skirts as short as this, not because I don’t have nice legs, but I do have a sense of modesty. I found CFM heels that matched the dress, so I was set. The unfortunate part of all this was that it set me back fifteen hundred dollars. Handing my credit card to the cashier I realized I hadn’t bought a negligee yet. I seriously hoped bedding Dave was worth it.
I was ready five minutes before six and Dave rang to doorbell exactly at six. I buzzed him in and waited for him to knock on my front door.
“Hi,” I said when he reached the door.
Dave stepped in and his jaw dropped when he saw me. He tried to say hello, but nothing more than a grunt passed his lips.
“See something you like?” I asked.
“My God Em, you’re gorgeous.”
“Thank you,” I replied.
“Are you ready to go?”
“Let me get a wrap,” I said, reaching into my coat closet and grabbing a wrap for my shoulders. I felt my dress lift on my legs when I did, knowing Dave’s eye were boring a hole as he watched.
Dave escorted me from my apartment down to the street. His hand and arm had found their way around my waist. There was a taxi waiting for us when we reached the street.
“I thought it would be best if we took a cab. Looking at those heels I’m sure you’d hate to walk anywhere too far.”
“Believe it or not, they’re much more comfortable than the torture devices I wore on our first date.”
“You’re absolutely stunning,” Dave said.
I blushed.
He opened the rear door for me and took my hand to help me as I lowered myself to sit. I couldn’t help noticing my dress sliding up my legs as I sat on the seat. Dave noticed too, and the slight smile he had on his lips told me he appreciated what he was looking at. I reached with my left hand and tried to pull my dress lower and was rewarded with an inch of modesty restored. Dave blushed as he saw my discomfort. ‘Good or bad, it was my decision to wear something so sexy, so I shouldn’t feel violated by his stares.’ To be truthful I liked the effect I was having on Dave because I knew where this evening was leading and by the time Dave brought me home, he would know too.
We arrived at a new restaurant near San Francisco Center, behind the old Mint. This would be a short stop before we continued to dinner.
We were seated by the hostess at a small table near the bar. Dave was very attentive and his chivalry was having an effect of me. Every day Dave and I had been together, just being with him made me tremble with delight. I think it was after the first month I found that I had fallen in love with the man. He was in my every thought and I had been reprimanded for losing concentration more than once during my workday. I only hoped I was having the same effect on Dave, however his attentiveness spoke volumes about his feelings for me.
Our waiter took our orders and returned several minutes later with our drinks, a Cosmo for me and a Manhattan for Dave.
“I hope you don’t mind me staring at you tonight, Emily. You are absolutely spectacular. What brought this change?”
“You’ll find out later,” I teased.
Dave choked slightly on his drink.
“How’s work been?” he asked, trying to lighten the sexual tension that radiated from our table.
“It’s fine, I’ve been working on a really big lawsuit where a supplier of steel didn’t follow the specifications. Unfortunately a bridge collapsed because of it and two people were killed. We think the inspectors were paid off to look the other way. It’s become a very interesting case.”
“I wish my job was like that. Once you learn the ropes, its pretty boring, except for the money part,” he laughed.
“I’d put up with the boring part if I made more money.”
“You’re paid well aren’t you?”
“Well enough, but it’s like anything. You could always earn a little more, and I almost broke the bank paying for this bit of cloth and shoes I’m wearing tonight.”
“What ever you paid was worth it. You’re stop traffic gorgeous tonight. I’m a lucky man to have found a woman as smart and pretty as you.”
I blushed as the waiter placed our drinks on the table.
The rest of the evening passed in a veil of love and romance. Dave had never been so attentive as he was tonight. We both knew at the end of the last sip of the cocktail at the Top of The Mark where this would lead.
“Would you like to come back to my place for a cup of coffee?” I asked demurely.
“I’d like nothing better,” was his answer.
Our passion ran amok on the cab ride back to my apartment. The driver smiled and winked at Dave when he dropped us off. Dave’s tip was more than the fare for the ride.
“Thanks man,” the driver said. “ Wish it was me instead of you,” indicating me with a glance.
“I’m the luckiest man in the world.”
“That you are,” the driver said and drove off into the night.
As soon as my front door closed our passion returned with nothing to stop the inevitable, which led to me holding the man I love in bed, him sleeping and me remembering our wonderful night together.
I felt a stirring and realized I had also fallen asleep. My arms were still wrapped around the man I loved. My eyes opened and Dave was staring at me.
“You know, you’re beautiful when you sleep,” he said.
“I’m sure you say that to all the girls,” I laughed softly.
“No, you’re the first.”
He lowered his lips to mine and kissed me deeply, stirring every thought of him to the deepest recesses of my soul. The lust of the previous evening made my skin tingle and it wasn’t long before Dave and I made love again.
Dave softened and finally fell out of me, leaving me feeling empty. I frowned slightly.
“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” he asked.
“I miss you,” I said with an evil smirk, looking down at the empty space between my legs.
“Give me a little while and we can take care of that.” He laughed and kissed me lightly on the lips.
“I love you, Dave,” I said and pulled him close.
“And I love you too, Emily.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course I’m sure. Why would you ask such a thing?”
“Because I want to be sure you really love me, not a ‘sure I love you’ because we just made love kind of thing.”
“Is there a difference?”
“What?”
“I’m just kidding you, I know the difference.”
“Do you? Will you feel this way fifty years from now when I’m old and my breasts sag to my stomach?”
“Fifty years? I don’t think we talked about marriage yet?”
“That’s not the point Dave, the point is would you love me no matter what, sagging boobs and all?”
“Of course I would. I fell in love with the woman inside of that incredible body, not those perky breasts I love so much,” he laughed.
I couldn’t help smiling at his silliness, but chose to continue.
“I’m being serious Dave.” I giggled. “Will you love me, really love me no matter what?”
“You know I will Em, I don’t know what you’re getting at?”
“What I’m getting at is being truthful with the one you love and there’s something I have to tell you before our relationship goes any farther. I’ve known you for three months and I’ve fallen deeply in love with you, a man so open and so loving that I want to be as open and truthful with you.”
“You have been. I doubt there’s anything I don’t know about you.”
“There is, Dave, and what I’m about to tell you is as difficult as anything I’ve ever done. I’ve seen how you hate prejudice and how easily you protected that gay man when we were out. I was so proud to be with you.”
“It was the right thing to do. We’re all human beings and all I did was protect him from a bunch of jerks. What’s this leading to?”
“Dave, I was born with a birth defect, which was corrected eight years ago. I’ve always been the girl you made love with tonight, except I was born with a penis.”
Dave’s eyes opened a little wider than normal and then his face turned into a scowl.
“What, you’re a man?”
“Of course not, what we just did proves that,” I said uneasily.
“You’re a fucking man! Jesus Christ, I don’t fucking believe it,” he said, pulling away from me.
“Dave,” I said reaching toward his arm.
“Don’t fucking touch me, you fraud, you fucking bitch,” Dave was yelling now.
Now tears filled my eyes and ran down my cheeks. It took several seconds before I could speak.
“You told me you loved me? You told me you hated prejudice, were those all lies?”
“You don’t understand. I thought you were a woman.”
“I am a woman. I’ve always been a woman, ever since I was born.”
“You aren’t a woman, you’re a freak!” he shouted, and jumped from the bed.
“How can you say that? What happened to the understanding man I fell in love with?”
“That man found out the woman he loved was a man.”
“But that night with the gay man?”
“What about it?”
“You, you said you hated people like the men who attacked him.”
“Yes I did, but it wasn’t happening to me! There is a difference, Emily, or should I call you something else, Edward or Johnny maybe.”
“You’re being cruel Dave. Please there’s no need for that.”
“No need? Fuck you Emily, I’m out of here.”
“You hypocrite. You tell me you love me, tell me you hate prejudice, make love to me and now this? You bastard, go, get out Dave, and get out of my life.”
I dissolved in tears, falling onto my pillow. I didn’t hear Dave leave and I could have cared less. I had been such a fool. Foolishly I had fallen in love with him and believed his lies, but that’s what my life had been, nothing but lies. I had actually deluded myself into believing I was like any other girl, one who could live a normal life, fall in love, marry and, and, what? I had been so naíve and now felt disgust as the result of our lovemaking dampened my legs.
I showered, hoping to take away the pain of rejection and to clean the mess Dave had left inside of me. This had to be the worst day of my life. Pulling the showerhead down I sprayed inside of me washing the disgusting mess down the drain. Thirty minutes later I exited the shower only because the water was becoming chilled.
Drying my body, I lay on the bed and let my mind drift to how I had gotten here in the first place.
I’ve always been a girl. There was never a doubt in my mind as to that fact. I’m also on the upper end of IQ quotients. School had always been a walk in the park for me, acing every test I took. My parents were very liberal and living in San Francisco and were big time Democrats. My Dad had his own commercial insurance firm and my Mom spent her time getting involved with every minority group she could. ‘It helps with fund raising for the party,’ she would say.
They felt I should have my own computer by the time I was seven and I should have my privacy and pretty much left me alone to explore the Web. Not that I minded, but if they had taken a greater interest in what I was finding, they might have pulled the plug on what I found.
It was during my tenth year that I found TG web pages and saw I wasn’t the only person in the wrong body. I read incessantly about surgery and hormones and how a boy could become a girl. The most disturbing thing though, was having to wait until I was eighteen to do anything about my problem.
I was eleven when my tonsils became inflamed. They hurt to high heaven, but they were the answer to a prayer.
“Mom, my tonsils hurt,” I whined as I dressed to go to school.
“Let me see,” she answered, “Open your mouth.”
Mom peered inside my mouth hemming and hawing, pretending she knew what she was looking at.
“They look swollen, I’ll call Dr. Winslow,” she said.
“Dr. Winslow? I thought he would be dead by now,” I laughed.
“That’s not funny, Charles. Dr. Winslow was my doctor and yours from the day you were born. I think I’ll keep you home from school. Change into your PJs and get back in bed.”
‘Yes! No school!’ The only downside was going to see Dr. Winslow. He really was a nice man, but seemed to not be there all the time. Oh well.
A few minutes later Mom returned to my room and informed me that I had an appointment at two in the afternoon, oh joy.
At two thirty I sat on the examination table with my shirt off and Dr. Winslow pressing my tongue down with a stick.
“Mmmhmm, yes your tonsils are a bit inflamed. I’m going to prescribe some antibiotic to clear the problem. You’ll feel like new in a few days.” Dr. Winslow opened a drawer, pulled his prescription tablet from it and wrote the script.
Tearing the page from the tablet he said,” I’ll give this to your mother while you get dressed,” and left the room.
I looked at the tablet and knew what I would do. I ripped six pages from it and put them in my pocket, put my shirt back on and went to join my mother.
“Charles, Dr. Winslow confirmed your tonsils are inflamed. You’re to stay home for three days and you have to take your medicine twice a day. Let’s go now and we’ll fill the prescription on the way home. Thank you, Dr. Winslow,” Mom said.
“Be sure to bring Charles back in five days. I want to see how he’s doing.”
“Yes Dr.,” Mom replied.
We stopped at the pharmacy near our home and I ran the prescription to the pharmacist.
“My mom asked me to drop this off,” I said.
“It will be ready in one hour.”
“Thanks.”
I returned to the car and told Mom, “The medicine will be ready in an hour.”
“Let’s get you home then. I’ll pick it up later.”
Mom drove us home and I went back to bed. I really didn’t feel all that bad, but if I had to stay home from school for three day, then yahoo.”
I went to my room and changed out of my clothes. I removed the pages I had stolen from my pocket and wondered how I would use them. As I stated, I had spent several years researching transgendered web sites, even going so far as reading several medical journals. I was almost twelve and the thought of having my face explode with pimples made me sick. I also knew this was about the time girls started their puberty and I wanted more than anything to be like them.
I looked at the pages intently, noticing that Dr. Winslow wrote with a lot of pressure on the pen. Taking a pencil from my drawer I was able to darken the top page enough to see his signature and medical number, which I would need if I decided to continue with my plan. With practice I would be able to forge his name.
I had turned twelve and was poring over medical journals and anything else that would teach me how much hormone I would be able to take without damaging my body. Finally I had the knowledge to put my plan in action.
Removing the script pages from my secret hiding place in my desk, I wrote a prescription for myself. It was a low dosage of estrogen, knowing if the dose was too high I could damage my liver. Rather than go to our neighborhood pharmacy, I went to one of the chains near by.
Walking to the counter I said, “My mom asked me to drop this off and to ask how much it will be?”
The pharmacist didn’t even blink. It was obvious to her a twelve year old boy had no idea of what he was asking to be filled.
“Do you have insurance?” she asked.
“No.”
“I’ll look it up, please wait.”
She returned a moment later and gave me the price and said it would be ready in an hour.
I walked around the neighborhood and felt myself growing uneasy as the guilt for what I just did hit me.
‘I must be crazy,’ I thought. ‘I know the police will be waiting for me when I return to pick up the prescription. What will my mother and father say when I’m charged with forgery and they have to bail me out of jail?’
My nerves had my hands shaking when I returned to pickup my order. I had brought more than enough cash to pay for the pills. My parents gave me twenty dollars a week, which I just saved in a box under my bed. I really didn’t have any close friends so there was no need to spend the cash.
When I went out with Mom and Dad they paid anyway so I’d saved most of the twenty dollars a week for several years.
Walking to the counter the pharmacist looked at me and smiled.
“Your prescription is ready,” she said. “I imagine this is for your mother. Is she going through menopause?”
“What’s that?”
“Of course you wouldn’t know. Does your mother have hot flashes?”
“I guess,” I said handing her the money.
“I gave you a break on the pills since you don’t have insurance. Tell your mom these will make her feel better.”
“Thank you, I will.”
I couldn’t get home fast enough. The answer to my prayers had been answered. I was going to become a girl.
Opening the bag I removed the bottle of pills. I was sure the dosage was correct but worried that I might have made a mistake. Deciding not to take a chance, I split a pill in half. My thought was to let my body get used to the hormones before I took a whole dosage. Splitting the pill I held half in my hand as excitement overwhelmed me. I started to shake as indecision wracked my brain. A small voice said, “Don’t do it.” The room closed in on me as indecision built around me. The tension was thick enough to cut with a knife. What I was about to do was so wrong in so many ways.
Placing the half on my desk I turned and walked away. I can’t do this thing. If I don’t I’ll turn into a man. I’ll be hairy and tall. I’m a girl, why would I want that? Returning to my desk I picked the half back up again and popped it in my mouth. My puberty had begun.
Needless to say taking the meds became easier each day. My morning ritual became the same with regard to taking the pills. Get out of bed, sit down to pee and then take the pill. After two weeks I increased the dosage to a whole pill, as I hadn’t had any bad reactions to the half I was already taking.
I wasn’t quite sure what I expected the hormones to do, but what they did to my body was pretty much what would happen to any other girl during puberty. I didn’t grow breasts, not yet anyway. I had read during my research that estrogen started growth in boys and girls with testosterone guiding the way that growth took place in boys.
After the first month I noticed my legs started aching at night. I mentioned it to my mother.
“Mom, my legs hurt,” I said one day.
“Where, sweetheart?”
“Down here,” I said pointing at my calves.
“Those are growing pains. You’re finally going to grow into a fine young man, like your father.”
“Oh.”
“If they keep bothering you let me know. You’re a bit young to be starting puberty, but you never know with kids these days, what with all the things that are in our food. Did I tell you about the hormones in milk?”
“Yes Mom. I have to get ready for school,” I said, leaving the room.
Mom was on a committee, one of many, that was trying to make food not certified as Organic, to be outlawed in the State of California. This was latest and greatest which meant every breath was talking about the evils of big farming. Sometimes I wish mom would spend as much time with me as she did with her political causes.
Mom was right, they were growing pains. As the year progressed I grew from four foot six to five foot four. Over the next few years I would add another inch, making me five foot five when all was said and done.
My mother is five-one and my dad six-two, so I’m not really sure who I took after. I do know that I love my height
.
The growth that took place though did surprise me. Most was in my legs. My face became more feminine looking but the growth I didn’t expect took place in my hips. Apparently my pelvis was developing like the rest of my body. It was growing wider to accommodate the birth of a baby.
I was much taller than the rest of the boys at school, with the exception of two or three of them. The only difference was they gained width in their shoulders and I did on my hips. My legs were also longer than theirs.
I was just starting to add the fat layer that made women so soft looking and made their legs and butt so attractive to men. That didn’t change the fact that I had hips and keeping them from being discovered would become a problem. Looking in a mirror I could see the difference from a year earlier. My shape was obviously a girl’s shape. My waist was still small and my hips a bit larger than they should be on a boy. The fear of discovery invaded my every thought.
During my second year on hormones my body decided I was indeed a girl. It was time for breast development, and it didn’t fail to go all out. I went from a flat chest boy to a girl with very nice perky breasts in less than a year. To say this didn’t cause problems would be an understatement. Binding one’s chest everyday hurts, and the nicer my breasts became the more they hurt when I strangled them each morning.
My biggest concern was my uniform. It was becoming harder each day to conceal the fact that I was a girl. Mom had bought me longer trousers to accommodate my growth. Why she didn’t question the fit of my shirt and blazer is beyond me. My feet grew a little and I’m a size seven today. I had decided to let my hair grow, but it wasn’t allowed to go beyond my collar, per school rules. Even though I would wear my shapeless uniform, I’d still be addressed as Miss.
I would be entering high school the coming school term. Removing my clothes and unwrapping my breasts I stood in front of my full-length mirror. I looked carefully at the reflection that greeted me. My hair was still a boy’s cut although a bit long. Everything from there down said girl. My face had become very feminine; my chin was narrow and my nose petite. My now prominent breasts accented my narrow shoulders and I still didn’t own a bra, but had measured myself and was between B and C cup. They were no longer pointy, but rounded like a woman’s. My waist tapered in above widening hips and the legs that went on forever. The hormones I had taken had done their work in spades. There was no way I would be able to attend school as a boy, as there was no boy left. It was time for my parents to see what their son had been doing in his room.
Opening the door to my room I shouted, “Mom, I have to see you and Dad when you have a chance.”
“Your father isn’t home, but I’ll be right there.”
I was sort of glad Dad wasn’t home. Explaining their new daughter to Mom would be much easier than to my father. With Mom’s social outlook I prayed her liberal attitudes would spread into our home.
Mom opened the door and walked into my room all I had on were my boy’s briefs, which clung to my hips like hip hugging panties. She stopped and turned pale when she saw me. Up to this time I had never tried any makeup or worn women’s clothing. I had been tempted to try my mother’s, but changed my mind because I was taller than her and I didn’t want anything to point to the fact I was going through a girl’s puberty. I couldn’t risk putting her cloths back in the wrong place or they would tip her off to my new developments.
My parents love me, I’m sure of that fact, but for some reason they never spent much time with me. I felt as though I was an afterthought. My Dad was almost never home because he was busy making enough money to allow my mother her vices, politics and clothing. My mother’s closet looked like an ad for women’s clothing in a catalogue. Everything was in its place, ranging in style and color. It was freaky to see her clothes lined up perfectly from white to black in each style she owned. Nothing was out of place and I wasn’t about to touch any of them. Which brings me back to where my mother walked into my room.
Gaining control of herself she asked, “Charles what have you done?”
“What do you mean mother?”
The color returned to her face and then some. I wasn’t sure if she was angry or embarrassed that she hadn’t noticed my feminine growth before this.
“You’re … you’re a girl.”
“Yes mother, I have always been one.”
“But you’re a boy.”
“No, mother, I’m not. Do I look like a boy?”
“That’s not the point, Charles. You have a penis.”
“Yes I do, but it doesn’t make me a boy.”
“How did you do this to yourself?” she asked, becoming very uncomfortable looking at me.
“I just did. There are ways.”
“How could I have not known?”
“Mother you spend all your time with your causes. I hardly ever see you and I found a way to make my outside match what’s inside of me. It was time you know about your daughter because there’s no way I can go to school next year looking like this and try to pass as a boy. I just hope you are willing to accept me, Mother.”
I felt a chill and wasn’t sure if it was the cool air in my room or my mother’s gaze as she tried to analyze the picture of her son turned girl without her knowing.
She finally did something I had never seen her do. She began to cry.
I pulled a shirt on and went to her, wrapping my arms around her as the tears flowed. It didn’t take long before I joined her, tears flowing from both of our eyes.
“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” Mom repeated.
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” I answered.
“Yes I did. I should have seen how you were hurting so badly inside.”
“Mom, it’s not your fault. I should have said something to you,” I blubbered.
“Honey, I was never home to give you a chance.”
“There were times I could have said something. Please don’t blame yourself, Mom.”
My mother held me tight finally guiding me back so she could look at me once again.
“You’re beautiful,” she said, wistfully.
“I’m not,” I blushed.
“You are. Do you have a girl’s name?”
“No. I just wanted to become a girl, and my name wasn’t important to me.”
“You don’t?”
“No.”
“May I name you? A mother’s fondest dream is to name her daughter, and I’d like to give you the name I would have if you were born a girl.”
“I’d like that mother.”
She looked at me again, tears filling her eyes and said, “Emily Lynn.”
Clutching my pillow to my chest, tears ran from my eyes as I remembered that night. I never felt so loved as when my mother named me.
My father finally came home from work and I was afraid of what his reaction might be. At first he was shocked, seeing how much of a woman his son was. He didn’t falter though, and welcomed me with open arms. “I knew you weren’t becoming a man, but a beautiful woman. I just wondered how long it would take your mother to notice.”
From that day forward I was Emily Lynn Strong. The gift my parents gave me for my eighteenth birthday was surgery to rectify the defect I had at birth.
I was enrolled in high school as a girl, graduating with honors. My next step was the University of California, where I received a degree in business. After graduation I was accepted to Boalt School of Law and worked toward my law degree, passing the Bar as soon as I graduated.
I was recruited as soon as I passed the Bar. With a degree in business and licensed to practice law, I’d had my pick of several firms in downtown San Francisco, settling where I am today.
Dave wasn’t my first boyfriend, nor was he the first man I had sex with, but he was the one who’d bored deepest into my heart. I thought he was the one, but after his reaction to my physical history I felt used. How could I have been so wrong about a person? Letting my guard down and falling in love hadn’t been in my plans. I wanted to become a partner in the firm and I’d almost lost everything I had gained through hard work. My heart had driven me to a place I wanted so badly, being with a man that loved me, really loved me, no matter what. That love had affected my work as I acted like a lovesick teen.
My girl friends had told me when I fell in love I would see what they were talking about and I have to admit they were right. As badly as Dave had just hurt me, my whole being warmed and a thrill still shook me as I thought of him.
Thinking back, I’d never got involved with the men I dated. Sure, I’d notice if they were cute and I loved dating, but there was so little time with my studies. What free time I had was spent being a girl. If a man asked me on a date I’d usually go, and after several dates I would no longer see him again. There were four guys I did like, but didn’t love. I gave myself to them more to find out if I liked sex as a woman, (yes very much), than to show my feelings for them. Then came Dave.
The intense feelings I had for the man were feelings I didn’t think possible. Every sense and every nerve in my body stopped when he entered a room. As hard as I fought my feelings his eyes and wonderful scent completely turned me into Jell-O. There wasn’t a moment I didn’t think of him, his touch, his kisses, his warm smile, and those cute dimples on his cheeks when he smiled. I wanted nothing more than to sleep with him. I wanted to make love with him and not to just have sex like the others. Making love did nothing more than bring heartache to me. I’d been such a fool.
My thoughts wandered until I slept. My dreams were jagged and full of nightmares. I woke more than once in a sweat as demons controlled my every thought. Thank God it was Sunday when I woke. I would have had a hard time explaining my red eyes from crying.
I slept better Sunday night and looked my usual perky self when I dragged myself into work Monday morning.
I went for break and walked to my Starbucks. Reaching for the door handle my hands began to shake. My body froze as thoughts of Dave returned and our meeting at this exact business. I couldn’t move.
“Excuse me, are you okay?” a voice asked.
“No,” I answered, as I turned, tears streaming from my eyes and ran from the building.
Finding myself several blocks from Starbucks I lowered myself onto a window ledge in front of a clothing store. Pulling tissues from my purse I dabbed my eyes dry leaving black marks on the tissue. ‘God’, I thought, ‘I ruined my makeup’.
“Are you alright, sweetie?” a woman asked.
“I think so, except for my makeup.”
“Come with me, I work in this building and you’ll need some water and serious repair before you go anywhere, I’m Sandy, by the way.”
“Emily, and thank you.”
“Man trouble?”
“You have no idea,” I replied.
“Oh, I think I do. My fiancé’ broke up with me a year ago and I still think about him and wonder what I did wrong?”
“Mine broke up with me Saturday night.”
“When were you going to get married?”
“I’m sorry, we weren’t engaged, it’s just that I finally gave myself to him and asked if he really loved me and, he lied. I’m so angry right now.”
The tears returned and Sandy held me, comforting me as we walked.
We rode to the ninth floor and exited the elevator, with her guiding me to the woman’s room.
Sandy wet a paper towel and wiped the mess from my face.
“There, now we can make you pretty again,” she said. “What do you do?”
“I’m an attorney.”
“Really? You should sue the bastard for doing this to you,” she laughed.
I couldn’t help myself. Sandy had an infectious laugh and had me giggling right along with her.
“I wish I could, but that’s not the kind of law I practice.”
“Well, keep it in mind. Maybe we can sue both of our men together and make it a two for one sale.” She continued to laugh.
“We could try. I think I’ll just forget about Dave and get on with my life. I’m sure I’ll find someone just as nice as he was.”
“I’m sure you will Emily. You’re much too pretty to become a Nun.”
“That’ll never happen. Thank you for your help and concern Sandy. I’d like to see you again. I’ll buy us dinner as a way to say thank you for all you did for me.”
“That’s not necessary. Let me give you my card and you can call any time. I think we could become good friends.”
Sandy gave me her card with the name of the firm she works for. There was no job description, just her name and phone number.
“I’ll call, and thanks again.”
I returned to work, but not before buying a takeout coffee from Peet’s . It would be some time before I entered a Starbuck’s again.
I threw myself into my work. All work and no play make Emily a dull girl, but I didn’t care. It was helping me get over the jerk that lost the best thing he ever had.
It was a Wednesday three and a half weeks after our breakup when the phone rang at work.
“Emily Strong.”
There was a pause before he spoke, “Emily, it’s Dave.”
I felt my stomach lurch and my face flushed. God I couldn’t believe this man still had that effect on me.
“What do you want Dave? Call to gloat?” I asked, as anger replaced my romantic feelings.
I stood and walked to my office door, closing it so my conversation would remain private.
“No, I called to apologize to you for what I did.”
“And what was that?” I asked. I could feel him squirming over the telephone.
“Leaving like I did.”
I was silent for several seconds before I answered him.
“Apology accepted, now leave me alone.”
“Wait Em, please.”
“Why should I. You hurt me, Dave. You hurt me like no one has ever hurt me before. I’ve gotten on with my life and don’t cry every night anymore.”
“Please Em, I need to see you again.”
“You want to see me? Puhlease, you can’t seriously think I’d even consider that and don’t call me Em, my name is Emily.”
“But, but, I love you, really love you.”
“You should have thought about that before you walked out of my life, David. I never want to see you again.”
‘But,” I heard his voice whine as I lowered the phone to its cradle. My tears dropped onto my desk, staining the paper brief I had been reading. How could he do this to me?
Friday the first bouquet came, red roses, two dozen with a card I read and deposited in the trash along with the roses, thinking, ‘If that bastard thinks flowers will get me back, he’s sorrowfully mistaken.’
Monday more flowers and into the trash they went.
“Miss Strong, if you don’t want them, I’ll take them. They’ll brighten my desk,” Kelli, my assistant said.
“They’re yours and anymore that show up,” I growled.
And show up they did, every day that week and into the next.
I knew who was sending them and I didn’t want anything to do with them. Friday was a different matter. A courier came to the office with a card and a small package.
“These are for Emily Strong. I’m to deliver them personally,” he said.
Kelli informed me of the delivery and said, “ You have to sign for it.”
The courier came into my office and placed the package on my desk.
“Sign here,” he said, pointing at the next empty place on his sheet. Signing my name, he left and I turned to the package. I pulled the brown paper from it and unwrapped the cardboard box within. Opening the box I saw a card and a jewelry box protected with bubble wrap.
The card was in an embossed envelope sealed with wax. Dave’s initials were pressed into the wax, DB. Opening the card with shaking hands I read the following:
Dearest Emily, This will be the last time I will contact you if you won’t accept my apology. Before you make a decision, please read the rest of this card. When I met you, you did things to me I didn’t think a woman would ever do. Do you believe in love at first sight? I didn’t either, but you proved me wrong. I was in love the minute I saw you reading your novel, and yes I remember what it was. I remember everything about you. When I ran off that night, I was shocked at what you had told me, but even more shocked at my reaction. That wasn’t the Dave Brand who fell in love with Emily Strong. My life has become a living Hell without you and I’m on my knees begging for your forgiveness, Love Dave.
I lowered the card to my desk, trying to keep tears from falling once again. Removing the jewelry box from the carton I opened it. It contained a pair of diamond earring studs, each at least a caret and a half. I picked the card up and held it to my chest and let the tears flow. What was I going to do? I had finally come to terms with a life without Dave and now he did this to me. I promised myself I would never speak to him again, but I owed him at least parting words after the gift he had sent to me. I picked up the phone and put in his number.
“Dave Brand,” he said.
“Dave, it’s Emily. I got your gift.”
“Thank God, I was afraid you wouldn’t call.”
“I won’t lead you on, Dave, but we need to talk,” I said in neutral tones.
“It’s a start. When can we meet?”
“Tonight would be fine, say seven at that little bar on Chestnut you took me to.”
“I’ll see you there, Emily, and please, think about what I wrote in the card I sent.”
I lowered the phone and dried my eyes. My life was becoming such a rollercoaster. This time though I was in control.
I entered the tavern at five minutes past seven. I wanted Dave to sweat a little and apparently he had.
“I thought maybe you changed your mind,” he said. There wasn’t the irritation I expected in his voice, but worry.
“I didn’t, although the thought did cross my mind.”
“May I get you something?”
“A club soda with lime would be fine.”
I wasn’t going to drink any alcohol tonight. What we were going to discuss was best done with a clear head. If Dave wanted to drink, that was fine with me, but I wasn’t going to make any blunders because I wasn’t sober. Dave returned with my drink.
“You’re not wearing my gift,” he stated, looking at my ears.
“I thought it best that I didn’t until we settle what we are going to do from this day forward.”
“What would you like to do?” he asked.
I hated that he couldn’t make a decision for himself. Dave wasn’t being fair to me, if I said no I was an uncaring bitch, and if I said yes I was a woman without a spine.
“If you really want to know, Dave, the easiest thing would be for me to stand and leave right now, but I promised myself I would listen to what you had to say.”
“The only thing I can say to you is that I love you. I love you with all my heart and would like to spend the rest of my life with you.”
‘Whoa, wait a minute, did Dave just propose to me? No, no, no, I can’t do this. I definitely don’t want this man to break my heart again.’
“Dave, I think it’s a little premature for me to decide to spend the rest of my life with you. If I decide to see you again, we’re going to take it slow, and you’re not going to bed me again unless we’re married, for that I can be sure.”
“Emily, I’ll do anything you say, if you’ll just give me a chance to prove myself to you that I wasn’t the man who walked out on you.”
“I’ll say this for you, you’re persistent, but if we’re to date each other there will be rules.”
“Emily, I already told you, I’d do anything to win you back. I’ll do anything you say.”
I reached across the table and took Dave’s hands in mine. The familiar warmth filled me as it did before.
“Dave, there is only one thing we won’t talk about ever again after tonight. It’s very important that you know who I am and I’m not a man who decided to change his sex. I was born a girl unfortunate enough to have been born with a penis. The only puberty I had was going from a girl to becoming a woman. I never ejaculated from my penis or from anywhere else. It was just an unfortunate piece of flesh I had removed when I turned eighteen. Yes, I had a woman’s part constructed, and you seemed very happy using it. My breasts are natural as is everything else about me. You see, Dave, I’m a woman who had a birth defect that I had corrected. If you can’t live with that, then we’re through here. If you can, then we might have a chance to get back together.”
Dave squeezed my hand and said, “Emily, I love you, every inch of you. Would you do me the honor of joining me for dinner tomorrow night?”
“I’d be honored.”
One year later.
“Mother, would you please hurry and finish buttoning my dress?” I asked, franticly.
“Honey, there are sixty buttons on the back of your dress and if your fiancé’ can’t wait, then too bad,” my mother said.
“But father is waiting to walk me down the aisle,” I whined.
“Yes he is and he couldn’t be prouder of his daughter late or not.”
“Mom, you know how I am about being on time?”
“I do, but you only marry once, and if you can’t be a few minutes late to your wedding, then too bad,” she giggled.
I looked in the mirror at the blushing bride and thought, ‘She really is a lucky girl.’
The beginning.
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Synopsis: Two High School students make it big through the FBI Academy and just can’t wait for their first assignment. However, nothing had prepared them for their first assignment out of the Academy!
Runway | Chapters 1 - 2: Hello Beautiful!
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Synopsis: Two High School students make it big through the FBI Academy and just can’t wait for their first assignment. However, nothing had prepared them for their first assignment out of the Academy!
New York City. World famous model Natalia Breshnekov was found with her neck cut, floating in the Hudson River this morning by two joggers. They had noticed her nude body against the sea wall as they ran by. “I saw this bloated body floating next to the wall and would have never guessed that it was Natalia, it made me sick looking at her,” said Bill Justin. “I noticed the smell before I saw the body,” mentioned Barbara Wise, Bill’s running partner, “I couldn’t bear to look at it, it was disgusting.” Police have no leads into the model’s death and were asking the public for help in solving the matter.
Natalia was the star model for Universal Modeling Agency and had been missing for four weeks. It was assumed that she had run off with one of her many boyfriends for a holiday, but when she missed her latest modeling assignment her agent notified the police as to her disappearance. The tall Russian beauty was well known for her erratic behavior especially when it involved men, so her disappearance didn’t cause much of a stir until this AM.
Police spokesman Robert Minton said that this case would be investigated like no other because of the popularity of the deceased, “We’ll leave no rock unturned,” he said. No funeral arrangements have been made pending notification of the family.
“Hey Mutt, you and Jeff coming by for a beer later?” Joe Lind asked as the recruits left their final training session at Quantico.
“I dunno, I’ll ask Jeff,” Mutt replied.
Mutt and Jeff, that’s what the other FBI recruits called Matt and Dirk. Both young men had joined the FBI right out of high school in a special program to recruit young men and women for undercover work for the agency.
Mutt was Matt Watson, a slim lad standing five foot five with dark hair and brown eyes. Matt laughed a lot and seemed to enjoy every minute he was alive. Matt came from Santa Maria, California and lived to surf when he was in school. His academics were in the upper one fourth of his class but surfing won out over school sports. The school bell would ring and it was off to Avila Beach for his favorite pursuit.
Jeff was Dirk Rollins, the other half of the team. Dirk stood five foot eleven and weighed one hundred forty pounds after a visit to an all you can eat restaurant. Dirk was one of those kids that never gained weight no matter how hard he tried. Dirk was of Scandinavian stock and had blue eyes and a shock of blond hair, or what was left of it after the buzz cuts both boys sported. Dirk was from Minnesota and seemed to be serious all the time, even when he pulled some prank on Matt. The sides of his mouth would curl up when he did something funny but he really didn’t let out the guffaws like Matt did. How these two paired up was a mystery, but they had become best of friends.
The boys had just graduated from FBI training in Quantico, Virginia and were hoping to be assigned to some far off post.
Matt spotted Jeff at the far end of the hallway and shouted to him.
“Hey Dirk, want to grab a beer with Joe and the guys?” Matt asked.
“Let’s check the bulletin board first, then we’ll have a beer,” Dirk said.
The two young men walked to the main entry and scanned the board for any interesting notifications.
“Hey Dirk look at this, they’re asking for volunteers for an undercover assignment in New York City, let’s sign up,” exclaimed Matt., as he looked at the notice on the bulletin board.
“We’ve never done this before, what makes you think they will let us have the assignment?” Dirk responded.
“The worse they could say is no, and it doesn’t hurt to ask. Besides, that was the reason we came to the academy in the first place, come on let's try.” Matt said, with a gleam in his eye.
“I guess you're right, it would be fun skulking about in our trench coats and hats, lurking in the shadows waiting to pounce on the bad guys, hell we might even get to use our karate, yahh!” Dirk shouted while jumping in the air and kicking his leg out in a menacing way.
“Dirk, you’re out there, I’ll just use my gun and shoot the son of a bitch and then stomp him with my boots.”
“Why would you be wearing boots?”
“Because we're going to be bad ass bikers on a mission.”
“I’d rather be Sam Spade, you know trench coat, hat, and cigarette hanging out of our mouths, now that’s under cover.”
The young men kept introducing scenarios as they walked to the office to sign up for their adventure.
“May I help you?” asked the agent in charge of the desk.
The agent was Johnny Mullins. Johnny had been with the FBI for twelve years and was what one would term a fuck up. He had been on several assignments and each one had gone badly because of his ineptitude, and because of this had a chip on his shoulder and loved to screw with young agents in the most devious ways.
“We want to sign up for the undercover assignment on the board,” stated Matt.
“Which one is that?” asked the agent.
“It’s the only one on the board,” replied Matt.
“Look, I don’t know which one you are talking about, give me a clue.”
“The one in New York City,” replied Matt with exasperation in his voice.
“Oh, that one, are you sure you want that one?”
“Damn straight, we’re two bad dudes,” laughed Matt.
“Okay, I’m going to help you out, let me get my supervisor,” the agent said, laughing all the way from the room.
“Hey Bill, we have some dumb shit kids that want that assignment in New York City, what should I tell them?” asked the agent.
“Let me see who you’re talking about,” responded Bill.
“It’s the two guys at the desk.”
“Did you say two guys?”
“Yep, the two guys.”
“That assignment is for girls, we just haven’t found the right ones, go tell them that they don’t fit the profile.”
“Hey they’re newbies, why don’t we fuck with them for a little while, you know break them in, screw around with them a little bit,” said the agent.
“We could get in deep shit if we do that, let it go.”
“Come on, this is the government, nothing can happen to us, and beside we need a laugh now and then, let’s do it.”
“We could lose our jobs if we’re caught, let it go Johnny,” Bill said.
“Come on Bill, I helped you with that Santa prank at the annual Christmas party so you owe me, the least you could do is look,” Johnny said.
“Okay, let’s see what we have to work with.”
Bill walked out to the reception area and looked at the young men and spoke, “So, you two want to go undercover? Didn’t you just graduate from the academy?”
“Yes sir we did. We want this undercover assignment, we want action,” stated Matt in his innocence.
Bill appraised the two men, God they look just like high school kids, skinny as hell but eager to please. Being involved in the prank will make them feel as though they are one of us, what the heck, it’s all in fun.
“You boys look like you will fit the bill. We will have to alter your appearance slightly to fit in with the people you will be watching so I want you to go down to room B201 and see Maria Gomez. She will take good care of you, good luck men,” said Bill as he sent the boys off.
“Okay Johnny, I sucked them in, wait until Maria makes them up and they find out the assignment was for a woman, God this is going to be funny.”
“Let’s give them a few minutes and go down and see the results, you did clue Maria into the joke didn’t you?”
“I did before I talked to the kids. She couldn’t wait to fix them up, she was giggling the whole time I was talking to her. She said their mothers wouldn’t recognize them after she was done with them.”
“Cool, lets give it a half of an hour and go down, I hope they don’t get too pissed off at us.”
“They seem like nice boys, I’m sure they will laugh just as hard as us at the joke,” said Bill as they returned to work.
Matt and Dirk rode the elevator down to the basement and found room B201.
“Wow Dirk, this is going to be so much fun, I wonder what they want us to become for this thing?” questioned Matt.
“It must really be undercover for us to have to have disguises,” replied Dirk excitedly.
The boys entered the room and found Maria waiting for them.
“May I help you?” she asked, barely controlling her laughter.
“Were here for our disguises,” Matt answered with his excitement showing.
“Ah, you want the ones for the New York City job, okay come with me, I’m Maria by the way,” she said as she extended her hand to the boys.
Matt and Dirk shook her hand softly and introduced themselves. They followed her into the rear of the room. There were several doors on the back wall and when opened revealed a small makeup room behind each door.
“I’m going to separate you two. One of my assistants will work on you Matt while I do Dirk. Jenny, will you take Matt in that room and disguise him like we discussed earlier?”
“I’d be happy to Maria,” Jenny said.
The women took each boy to their individual room for their makeover. They were kept separated so they wouldn’t see what was being done to them until it was time to bring the joke to a conclusion.
The women did their best to make the boys beautiful. There was no sense making them look like clowns, the joke would be better served if they looked like girls. Both boys were late in starting puberty and shaved only once a week whether they needed it or not. A little concealer hid their eyebrows, some shadow, mascara, eyeliner, blush, lipstick and gloss did wonders to the lads. Maria stood back and admired her efforts, Dirk was beautiful, actually he was beyond beautiful, he was gorgeous, even with his crew cut hair. Maria was jealous that a man could be so pretty and not even know it.
Jenny finished with Matt and had to giggle. Matt was cute, cheerleader cute, he looked bubbly and sweet almost as though he was going shopping with one of his girlfriends, Jenny would have liked to have a girl like this as a friend.
Bill and Johnny were in a conference room waiting for the girls to bring the two boys back so they could have a big laugh at their expense. The women called Bill to tell him they were ready to bring them to the room.
“That was Maria, they’re bringing the guys here in a few minutes. Do you have a camera to take pictures?” asked Bill.
“You bet, this is going to be a howl, I can’t wait for them to see each other,” replied Johnny.
It was at this moment Jack Carstairs the director of operations walked by and saw the two men waiting for Matt and Dirk, so he thought he would say hello.
“Bill, Johnny, how have you been?” inquired Jack, as he entered the room.
From the look on their faces you would have thought the grim reaper had just entered the room. If Matt and Dirk were to enter the room now, with Jack there, they might just as well throw away their retirement, they were dead.
As luck would have it Maria escorted the two boys into the room. Both looked like girls with crew cuts and boy’s bodies and when they saw each other their mouths dropped open in disbelief.
“Who are these two?” asked Jack.
“Uhh, Matt and Dirk, they were trying to see if they could go undercover on the New York job,” Bill said, thinking fast. Fuck, fuck, fuck, we’re so busted, God there go our jobs, was the thought running through his mind as panic set in.
“Did you boys volunteer for this assignment?” Jack asked.
“Yes sir,” Matt answered, innocently.
“Bill did you go along with this?”
“Yes sir,” Bill said, as he saw his retirement flying out the window.
“Well from the look of things Bill, you came up with a great idea, I’m impressed. You men make beautiful women. We’ve been trying to find a girl tall enough for this assignment and you Bill thought outside the box and found the person we need, we need more agents like you, I’m putting your name in for commendation, congratulations, Matt and Dirk, the assignment is yours. Maria I want you to work with these two and get them ready for their adventure and boys you’re the kind of agents the FBI is looking for, duty above all else. Maria do what ever it takes to make the tall one ready for the runway, the fashion industry waits.” Jack said with a chuckle as he left the room.
“Did I hear right, Jack liked what we did?” Johnny asked.
“I think that’s what he said. I thought we were dead when the boys came into the room. I can’t believe we got away with this.”
“Excuse me sir?” asked Matt, “You didn’t tell us this assignment was for girls.”
“Well damn, did I forget to tell you that, how forgetful of me,” responded Johnny. Now Johnny was pissed off, he wanted this to be a prank, crap it was his idea and now Bill was getting credit for it. To make matters worse, this was a plum assignment for Matt and Dirk, and it was his idea, life wasn’t fair.
“Matt, Dirk, how do you feel about this assignment now?” Bill asked..
Matt and Dirk had walked to the observation mirror and were looking at themselves. The look on their faces was one of disbelief, how could they let themselves be suckered into making fools of themselves and what was worse the director liked that they had allowed themselves to be made up like a couple of sissies. Dirk could feel the anger building in his stomach. Dirk didn’t like this sort of thing, he was from a very conservative base and in his eyes, men were men and women were women and he would be damned if he was going to be like some freak on the Jerry Springer show.
“I don’t like it at all,” responded Dirk. “If I had known you were looking for women I would have been out of here in a heartbeat. I know you were just fucking with us and you were caught and now it looks like Matt and I wanted to do this thing too Now we have no choice as to whether we want to do this or not. If we don’t we will be dropped from the FBI and I want this job more than anything, so you win, I’ll do it but I don’t have to like it.”
Matt on the other hand thought the whole thing was a giggle and as usual his surfer personality rose to the surface with an outbreak of laughter.
“What’s so damn funny Matt?” Dirk asked.
“Us, look at yourself dude, you look hot, well, err kind of, and me, hell I feel a need for some pompoms and a short skirt,” replied Matt as the laughs continued.
Dirk looked at his best friend and finally the sides of his mouth curled up. He even let out a quiet yuk, yuk. Maybe he shouldn’t be so uptight all the time and what harm could come from this anyway?
“You’re right Dirk,” Bill said, “This did start out as a joke but as luck would have it you were exactly what we were looking for, a tall person that could work as a model. Hell half the girls that model are men anyway, so maybe this will all turn out for the best.”
“I hope so,” answered Dirk, as his anger subsided.
“Maria, I want the guys to report to you tomorrow morning so you can train them and perfect their disguises. Take as much time as you need, they have to be perfect. Just so you know what you are going to be doing, Dirk you’re going to be a high fashion model and Matt we’ll find something for you to do. You really don’t have to become a woman for your part of this assignment if you don’t want but it will be easier for you to go back stage as a woman than if you were to remain a man for this thing.”
“Hey Dirk and I are buds to the finish, if he has to be a girl for this then I’ll be one too. What the heck, Mutt and Jeff are inseparable and what kind of friend would I be if he had to do this alone?” Matt asked.
“It’s done then, report here tomorrow for your training with Maria, good luck men and for what it’s worth I’m sorry the joke backfired on Johnny and me, see you tomorrow.”
Bill and Johnny left the room and Maria brought the guys back to the dressing rooms to remove their makeup.
“You guys are lucky to have gotten this assignment, it’s very dangerous,” said Maria as Dirk sat first to have his face taken off.
“Why do you say that?” asked Matt.
“Did you see the newspaper the other morning? There was a story about a model that was murdered four weeks ago. She was going to give the New York police information about a drug ring that uses the fashion industry as a cover to move drugs, and now she’s dead.”
“And I thought all we had to do was flit around like a couple of girls,” laughed Matt.
“Being a girl isn’t as easy as you think it is and if you aren’t convincing, you’ll be as dead as that model. It won’t make any difference whether you are a man or woman, dead is dead,” Maria said.
“Point well taken Maria, I just hope you can do as good of a job as the director thinks you can do,” Matt said.
“I’ll do my part, but you have to do yours, I’m finished with you Dirk. Sit down Matt, let me make you a man again since I don’t have any pompoms for you to use just now,” Maria giggled.
“Damn, I was just getting used to this and now you pop my balloon. I thought I might try out for the Dallas Cowboy cheer leaders and then you take it all away from me,” sighed Matt and then he fell into a laughing fit.
“Stay still or I’ll get this cream in your eyes and I swear I will if you don’t stop laughing,” giggled Maria.
“Okay, I’ll be good,” he said.
Maria finished removing the makeup and sent the boys on their way. They would have gone to a bar for a drink, but neither was twenty-one so they went for a cup of coffee. They had many things to talk about.
“Matt, we have to talk,” Dirk said with concern in his voice.
“About what?” Matt asked.
“The assignment, I don’t like it, it’s not right.”
“What’s wrong with it?”
“The girl thing, I don’t want to pretend to be a girl, I’m a man and this plain sucks.”
“Loosen up dude, I think it will be fun, come on man, were going undercover.”
“This wasn’t the undercover I was thinking about, this girl thing makes me real uneasy.”
“Come on Dirk, it’ll be fun.”
“Why is everything fun with you, can’t you be serious sometimes?”
“I am serious, this is just like surfing, its fun.”
“What do you, mean like surfing?”
“Surfing is like this adventure. When you surf, you start out on small waves and as you gain confidence and skill you work your way up to larger waves and that’s when you really have fun. Then you hear about waves four or five times larger than the ones you usually surf and have to try them. You catch one and when you drop off down the face you know that this will be the best ride of your life but if you wipe out it could kill you, so you concentrate and when you finish the ride and drop into the water you want to scream, “I did it.” It’s a feeling like no other. This adventure can be the same way, the little waves are when we learn to act like women and then when we become comfortable in our deception we finally ride the large wave, that’s when we go undercover, if we fuck up we’ll die, but if we succeed, it will be a high like no other.”
“I know it will be interesting and fun, I just don’t like the disguise, I’ll be fine after we get started, let’s go get some sleep, I’m sure Maria will be busting our asses tomorrow.”
“I’m sure she will,” Matt laughed, as the men left for good nights rest.
The next day found the guys in Maria’s hideaway awaiting her idea of fun, for her at least.
“Matt, Dirk, the first thing I want to do this morning is to see what I have to work with. I want you to go into those dressing rooms and remove all your clothes except for your underwear. Please leave it on because I really don’t want to look at those manly bulges of yours this early in the morning,” laughed Maria as a way of cutting the ice so too speak.
Both guys did as instructed and returned to Maria, Dirk with his tighty-whities and Matt with his boxer shorts.
“Let me see what you two look like, turn around for me,” Maria asked.
Both guys turned and then faced Maria for their critique.
“Let me see, Dirk, you’re the most important part of this thing so I’m going to have to spend more time with you. You’re tall enough to be a model but God you’re very skinny, don’t you ever eat?” Maria asked with concern in her voice.
“Are you kidding Maria, when Dirk and I go to an all you can eat buffet they kick us out because Dirk eats so much, it’s disgusting,” Matt answered, as he screwed up his face into a disgusted look.
“I don’t eat that much,” Dirk replied.
“Bull, the busboys break their backs removing your dishes,” Matt laughed.
“Well if your going to be a model you’re going to have to add a little fat on your legs and butt, your waist is okay but you’re way too skinny everywhere else,” said Maria. “We’re going to have to let your hair grow on your head but all the rest has to go. I can see I have some real work to do with you. Now Matt, get over here, let me see, you have the same problem except you do have a little shape to your legs but not much else. It won’t be as important for you to look good since you won’t be on the runway but I still want you passable. The first thing I want to do is have you waxed, you’re big boys so this shouldn’t bother you, girls do it all the time. Go with Jenny and she will make you pretty,” Maria said as she shooed the boys away
Matt and Dirk were led away as Maria giggled to herself. An hour later, two sad looking boys with hurt puppy dog eyes were led back for more of the makeover.
“How did it go guys?” Maria asked.
“Fine,” Dirk said, with indignation in his voice, “I’m glad I’m a guy and don’t have to do this again, that hurt.”
“You’d better get used to it honey, this will happen until your assignment is over, remember, you’re a girl now.”
“Ugh,” Dirk groaned.
“Okay girls, enough of the complaints, I need to measure you and then I’ll start dressing you. We’ll go from there to making you into the next supermodel Dirk. Matt, you’ll be easier since you’ll be a regular girl living an ordinary life so as long as you’re passable I’ll be happy. Let’s get started.”
Maria measured the boys and went to the wardrobe room and returned with a dress for each of them.
“Put these on so I can get a feel of what we’re going to do with you,” Maria said.
Maria showed them how to lower the dresses down over their heads and zip the back. The dresses were both light weight cotton with tight bodices and a flaring skirt that stopped at mid-thigh. Both young men had on their own underwear and that was all beside the dresses. Maria wanted to see what the guys looked like before makeup so she wouldn’t be distracted from the task at hand.
Maria led them to a mirror so they could critique their appearance.
“Well boys, what do you see?” she asked.
“Two butt ugly guys in dresses,” Matt laughed.
“I’m serious Matt, if you two were girls what would be your best and worse features?”
“Hmm, my feet are kind of cute and my calves look alright but everything else looks skinny and hard. I guess my waist is small enough but my hips are the same size so I look like a surfer dude in a dress.”
“What about you Dirk?”
“I don’t like any of it, I look stupid, all I am is skinny and tall, this really sucks,” Dirk whined as he wondered if it was to late to back out of this thing..
“Don’t be so hard on yourself Dirk, this is going to be fun, you’ll see and I can make you into a very pretty girl, all you have to do is follow my instructions,” Maria said. “The hardest part is giving you and Matt figures. We won’t go overboard with this since models are skinny anyway but we have to soften your appearance. You will have to get some curves, not those over done plastic surgery curves but normal skinny girl curves. Your calves and thighs need the most work and your hips will follow. We can give you small breast forms, not much more than an A cup but the only way for the rest to happen is for you to take hormones for a short period of time, three or four months at the most, that way when you go off of them there won’t be any damage to your bodies. If we were to extend the time you might become sterile and we don’t want that, we want you hunks back after this is all over.”
Both Matt and Dirk got a sullen look on their face, this wasn’t a game anymore, this was serious business and maybe they should throw away their careers. Things were looking grim for them.
“You want us to take hormones? What if something happens to us, I don’t like this,” Dirk said.
“Trust me, nothing will happen to you, we’re the government and we never make mistakes,” Maria said with a smile.
“That’s what scares me the most, you’re the government,” laughed a nervous Matt.
“What if something does happen to us, they might fire us because we’ll be freaks,” Dirk said.
“You won’t be freaks, the effects of the hormones will wear off once you stop taking them. You’ll be fine,” Maria said with a reassuring tone of voice.
Maria should have been a used car sales woman and could feel the boy’s demeanor changing as she cast her spell.
“As long as there is something in writing I’ll do it. I love this job and if that’s what I have to do to succeed I’ll go for it, what about you Matt?”
“Wow, you bet I’ll do it. Just think, I’ll be able to ride my board in a bikini with my double D tits, shit dude, it’s what’s happening,” Matt laughed.
“God Matt, your sick,” Dirk responded and gave his friend a look of disgust.
“I hate to pop your balloon Matt but there won’t be any double D titties, in fact the only boobs you will have are the ones we glue on your chest,” Maria said.
“Oh darn, just when I thought everything was perfect,” Matt said, as he rolled over in laughter.
“Okay guys, enough of the laughs, we have a lot to learn about being women. Since this is the first day the easiest thing for you to learn is the application of makeup. This will be one of those Karate Kid days, makeup on, makeup off. Doing your own makeup is a learned skill, a man can do it as well as a woman, but it just takes practice. Tomorrow you will see a specialist to get you started on your hormones and then the real work begins. You have to learn to become women, every movement, every nuance has to be feminine, the slightest slipup will spell death for you,” Maria said.
“Before I had this job I trained in Hollywood in both acting and makeup and I will make you my best project yet. We’re going to have fun with this thing. I know we will laugh a lot, and maybe cry too as you learn new things about yourself. The real work will come when you go into the field, that’s when this becomes serious. Now lets make a mess of your faces girls,” Maria giggled.
Maria had removed one of the false partitions from between the dressing rooms so they could work together in the same space. She showed the guys how to accent their eyes, highlight their faces, and ways to make their mouths more attractive. Maria did the first makeover, removed it and then turned the boys loose to do it themselves. The first time was a total disaster. Matt was really getting into his task, as he was having fun. His hands were moving here and there, and when he finished he looked like Matt the female clown, he almost had lipstick on his ears. Dirk however was as uptight as he usually was and when he finished he looked like shit. His lips looked tiny, actually smaller than they normally were and his eyes looked like two piss holes in the snow. Matt looked at Dirk and was soon rolling on the floor in laughter. Dirk on the other hand looked at Matt and shook his head, but the sides of his mouth did twitch in an upward direction, Dirk was starting to have fun.
“God you two look like you just escaped from the circus, remove that mess and lets start again. This time go more slowly, putting on makeup isn’t a guy thing where you have to be first to finish, it’s a girl thing, each stroke is meant to make you look good and each movement is important, go slow, enjoy what you’re doing and watch how your appearance changes as you put the makeup on,” Maria instructed.
The guys removed the mess and started again, only this time much more slowly. The results were much better but not great, so it was off with the old and on with the new, over and over again until they were able to do a decent job.
“You two look pretty good, but you still need work. You’ve learned how to put your makeup on and how to remove it but next you will have to learn which makeup to use during the day and at night, a little more or a little less, but you’ll learn. After your appointment tomorrow I want you to come back here and we will continue our lessons. I think tomorrow would be a good time to shape your eyebrows since you will be on your way to becoming women. No need for you to have uni-brows anymore. I will also have some other things for you to try when you arrive, now go get a good nights sleep, girls need their beauty rest,” Maria giggled.
The guys left and Dirk turned to Matt and said, “What the hell was that girls crap?”
“Lighten up Dirk, Maria’s just playing with us, let’s get some rest because if tomorrow is anything like today we’ll need it.”
The following day the guys returned to the facility and were taken to the medical wing for their examination and hormone treatments. They were given a document signed by the director stating that if their transition were to be irreversible their jobs wouldn’t be in jeopardy, and in addition the government would be responsible for any and all medical procedures necessary to make them whole whether as a woman or man.
“Wow, this paper sure makes me feel better,” stated Dirk, “NOT!”
“Well at least we won’t lose our jobs if they fuck us up,” Matt said.
“That’s reassuring Matt, this whole thing is making me really nervous, maybe we should seek employment elsewhere,” Dirk said grimly.
“If it was that bad they wouldn’t ask us to do this in the first place, everything will be fine, you worry too much,” Matt stated.
“Matt, you just don’t get it, they don’t give a damn about us. I’ll bet they hope we fail so they won’t have to spend money fixing their fuck up,” Dirk said angrily.
“They’re not that cold hearted Dirk, lets get some tits,” Matt said hoping to loosen up his friend.
Dirk looked at his friend and snarled, Matt might be having fun, but he was determined not to.
The guys were given a physical examination and then were asked for a sperm sample to be frozen if it were to be needed in the future.
“Okay guys, everything seems to in order so I can start your hormone replacement today. The director says that time is of the essence and since this is just a disguise that’s going away when you finish your assignment we’ll dispense with the mental part of a transition. I’m going to inject you once a week with both a testosterone blocker and estrogen to soften your features. It will be safe as long as we don’t continue treatment past four months but by that time you should be rounding out quite nicely. After you stop treatment you should be able to return to normal after a period of time. Do you have any questions?” the doctor asked.
“Are you sure we will look like men again?” asked Dirk.
“After we take you off the testosterone blocker things should return to normal.”
“What happens if we take the estrogen longer than four months?” asked Matt.
“After four months you run the chance of becoming sterile and your figures will continue to develop, especially your breasts. You will notice some swelling as it is, but once we stop the estrogen it will stop their growth. This is perfectly safe if you follow my instructions, you shouldn’t be concerned. Okay guys, bend over, its time for you to have some fun.”
The guys did as told and received an injection in each cheek of their butts.
“Well guys do you feel any different? Do you feel like running to the mall to shop or have your hair done?” asked the doctor.
“No,” answered Dirk sheepishly.
“Exactly, becoming a woman is a lot more than just having these shots every week. They will change your appearance but everything else must be learned. Maria is an expert at disguise, she will teach you everything you will need to know to behave like women, but the rest is up to you. Don’t let her intimidate you. Maria is a hard task master, but she’s also a lot of fun, enjoy this adventure and what the heck Dirk, you’ll be able to watch all those girls take their clothes off in front of you, you’re a lucky man.”
“Won’t I have to take my clothes off too?” Dirk asked innocently.
“Yeh, I guess you will, see you next week men.”
Matt and Dirk returned to Maria’s lair to see what she had in mind for them next.
“Ahh, I see my two girls have returned, how do you feel?” she asked.
“The same only my butt hurts a little from the shots,” Matt said.
“At least you only have to have the shots once a week. We might as well get started, you’re going to find that getting your shots is the easiest part of this journey. They will change you physically but I have to change you mentally. You have to become women through and through or you will be dead feminine appearing men within a week. That means that from now on you are to live as a woman twenty-four seven. I know it will be difficult for you but you must do it so that you don’t forget and do something male while you are in disguise. The first thing you must do is to meet your two new best friends.”
“Who’s that?” asked Dirk.
“Your boobs. I have silicone breasts for both of you and it’s time to attach them. I’m going to glue them on and they aren’t to be removed except when I tell you to take them off. Up on the table you two, it’s time to go to work.”
Dirk and Matt lowered themselves onto the table and were soon sporting new breasts. Dirk was given the smaller pair as he was going to be a model. Matt was give a larger size and when they both stood up Matt complained about the weight pulling on his chest.
“Get used to it girl friend, all of us women fell like that. Dirk I gave you B size breasts since you will be walking the runway and that’s about as big as most models are, and Matt you have C’s, they will look good on a little cheer leader like you. It’s time for you to get dressed, off with those boy’s clothes including your underwear and I’ll give you something else to wear. Into the dressing rooms,” Maria said.
The guys stripped and Maria handed both of them satin panties that were really a gaff. If they had been any smaller they would have looked like thong panties.
“How are we supposed to put these on?” asked Matt.
“Slide them up those smooth legs of yours and tuck that pajama python of yours back between you legs and pull the panties up tight. It will keep you from showing that monster of yours especially when you start getting excited from these clothes.”
“I’m not going to get excited,” countered Dirk, “This shit really sucks.”
“Don’t count on it, you won’t be the first man that needed to relieve himself after going through this experience and there is no shame in it either. Come on out now, I have to fit you for a bra.”
“A bra, what for, I don’t need a bra,” Dirk stated.
“You don’t? Do a couple of jumping jacks for me,” Maria said.
Dirk attempted the feat and the first thing out of his mouth was, “These things hurt when they bounce.”
“Well duh, now you know why women wear bras, not only do they support their boobs they make them look sexy. These forms are the best money can buy and they look like the real thing. Let me show you how to conceal the seam where they meet your skin and then I’ll give you your bras.”
Maria showed the boys how to cover the seam with makeup and then had them apply it themselves until they got it right. This was something they would have to do everyday of their assignment.
Maria then handed the guys their first bra. They were both wispy lace numbers, very sexy and not at all appreciated by Dirk.
“Why do we have to wear these, can’t we wear something else?” he asked as he handed the lacy black bra back to Maria.
“Of coarse you could wear something else, but these are very pretty and feminine and I might add, the more you get used to wearing things like this the more like a woman you will feel.”
“I don’t know how to put it on,” Matt said, as he held a tangled mess in his hand.
“There are several ways. One way is to slip it over your breasts and reach behind you and hook it together. The easy way is to turn it backward and hook it in front of your body. After you do that, turn it around and slide it up to your breasts and pull the straps over your shoulders, the choice is yours. I would practice both ways if I were you, they both come in handy.”
The guys fought with the flimsy material but finally won the battle. Maria showed them how to adjust the straps so it would support them properly. Much to Dirk’s concern his gaff was causing some discomfort as his penis began to grow.
“Next I want you to wear panty hose. You will have to learn how to put them on now because when you grow your nails long it can be a real pain in the ass not to ruin them.”
Maria handed them the hose and watched as they tried to put them on. They didn’t have a clue as to what they should be doing.
“No, no, not like that. Roll them down to the feet and then unroll them as you slide them up your legs and keep them tight while you do,” Maria instructed.
Now they had more success, they weren’t perfect but that would come with practice. These hose were doing something else to them they didn’t expect, they were becoming very aroused. The smooth feeling against their waxed legs was becoming too much for both of them. Maria watched as they began to squirm, she knew what was happening to them. I won’t get excited my ass. Maria started to giggle. She just couldn’t help herself.
“Why don’t you two take a powder room break and freshen yourselves up,” she giggled.
Both guys couldn’t get to their separate stalls fast enough and both knew what the other was doing, taking care of the problem.
They returned to Maria feeling so much the better but still couldn’t forget the intense feelings they were getting from the panty hose.
“Maria, do these hose always feel this way?” asked Matt, with concern. He knew he wouldn’t be able to relieve himself in public and having an unsightly bulge would be embarrassing. Mr. surfer dude was beginning to worry.
“Of coarse, that’s why women wear them. Wait until you start dressing in sexy clothing, these feelings pale in comparison to what you will feel like when you do that. Being a woman is always about feeling special. Little things like a certain perfume or a necklace, a special slip or camisole, going without a bra and feeling the softness of the fabric rubbing your nipples to arousal, oops, I forgot, you won’t feel that since your breasts have no feeling, but it is something that as a woman you will never forget, I’m really sorry you have to miss that.”
“What’s next?” Dirk asked. Dirk was still angry at himself for losing control and also because he was starting to like the feelings from these soft smooth fabrics.
“We’ll keep it simple today. I think I’ll have you wear skirts and blouses with low heels. Put on this half slip and then these skirts. The blouse comes only to your tummy so it can go on after the skirt.”
Matt and Dirk slid the slip up their legs and couldn’t help but notice how soft and feminine it felt as it caressed their skin and hose. It felt as though there was electricity in the air, the feelings were so intense. Maria could see the changes in the boys demeanor as the dressing session continued, she knew exactly what she was doing. The boys finished and looked at each other as they tottered on their two-inch heels. They had no makeup on, nor did they have any hair except for the short cuts they sported as men and yet, they felt feminine, they felt like young women waiting to finish a picture.
“What about our makeup?” Matt asked.
“The day is almost over so that won’t be necessary, tomorrow we will go all out but for now I just want you to come in touch with the feelings you are having from what you are wearing. Think about the delicious caressing of the fabrics as they rub against each other and then against your skin, feel everything, the heels, the hose, the slip and skirt, your blouse and the bare skin of your midriff, the feeling of being exposed, the sexiness of it all and most important the feeling of being vulnerable as a woman, enjoy every minute of it, drink in the feelings, become a woman.”
“How do you expect me to feel like a woman, look at us, I feel like a fool,” responded Dirk.
“Get in touch with your feelings Dirk, become this person you’re trying to achieve.”
“That Maria is the stupidest thing I ever heard. I’m trying to be a super model not a hot little high school girl, can I take this stuff off now?” Dirk said in disgust.
“You can if you want to walk around naked, be my guest. As far as what you just said, you have to learn how to be a girl before you can become a woman and it takes a woman to be a super model. You can either get with the program or get kicked out of the FBI, it’s your choice. I’m trying to make this fun for you Dirk but if you want a bitch for an instructor I can be one for you and if you think I’m not tough because I’m a woman go for it, you won’t be the first asshole whose nuts I’ve taken during these assignments! Just ask Johnny, he’ll tell you, Maria said as her face turned red with anger. “As far as wearing these clothes is concerned, you will be staying in the dorm section of this facility and no one will see you until I think you can pass as a woman. Then you will be able to move into an apartment on the outside and you will be wearing clothes like these all the time, no boys clothing at all, you’re to become women, do I make myself clear?”
“Yes Maria,” Dirk groveled.
“What about you Matt, I haven’t heard a peep out of you?” she asked.
Matt looked at Maria and smiled, “I think this is fun, do we wear makeup tomorrow?”
Maria calmed down when Matt asked his question, he would be easy, why did Dirk have to be such an ass she wondered.
“Yes, when you rise tomorrow morning, you are to act just like women. You are to shower, do your makeup, dress and then come to see me. Be here at eight AM and don’t be late, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Maria said..
Jenny escorted Matt and Dirk to their new living quarters. Each had their own apartment, with a bedroom, kitchen, dining area and a spacious bathroom. Much to their surprise they also had a walk in closet with a new wardrobe. No expense had been spared with regards to the new girls. They had been provided with clothing ranging from casual to dressy, boring to sexy and it would be their choice as to what they would wear each morning. Meals would be provided if they decided not to prepare their own, life was good as far as Matt was concerned but Dirk felt it pretty much sucked.
Dirk decided to give this thing a few more days before discussing it with Matt. Matt was having fun with the whole thing and he figured he would tire of the whole stupid adventure soon enough, so he bid Matt a goodnight and went to his room. Both boys were soon asleep and morning would come soon.
Matt with his laid back surfer attitude liked to sleep as late as possible, leaving just enough time to shower and get to work and this morning was no exception. The alarm sounded and Matt saw the time, 7:40, perfect he thought, shower and dress in ten minutes and then make it to work by eight, it was a slam dunk. Matt suddenly came to the realization that this morning was different. The weight of his breast forms brought new meaning to the phrase, you’re late, holly shit, I forgot, I have to do my makeup and find something to wear, shit, shit, shit, as panic set in.
Dirk however, being the anal sort that he was, woke at six and had laid out what he was going to wear the night before. What he picked was boring to say the least, but he didn’t want his ass chewed out by Maria again, so he would be early to work, made up and dressed, he had learned his lesson yesterday.
Matt showered, did his makeup and dressed and he was only an hour late to class.
“Good afternoon Matt,” Maria said as he entered her studio. “I can see that you’ve learned a new lesson already, can you tell me what it is?”
“No,” he answered sheepishly.
“Let me explain it then, it takes a woman a lot longer to get ready than it does a man. I can see by the time you discovered this yourself. Tomorrow you will be on time, do I make myself clear?”
“Yes Maria.”
“Today you will learn the basics of being a woman. You will have to relearn all your movements, even something as basic as walking, so we might as well get started.”
Maria schooled the guys on many different movements and the difference between a man and woman. She was a hard taskmaster but a fair one and by the end of the day, a fun one. She made the lessons pleasant and even Dirk couldn’t help but laugh at some of the things the boys did.
Thus the training began and continued day after day with something new added each day until the movements had become second nature, the boys were acting like girls and they weren’t complaining, they were indeed becoming women.
Their hormone treatment was also going as scheduled. It had been two months since the first injection when Matt noticed that chest was bothering him, it felt very sensitive. He passed it off as wearing the forms all the time but he was becoming a young woman and didn’t realize it.
Dirk had also noticed small changes, his legs seemed softer looking and had finally gained some shape. The biggest change was his personality He had began giggling a lot, no more turn of the mouth but out right giggling. He also found that he had a hard time keeping from crying when Maria scolded him and he didn’t know why, he just figured it was the training so he let it pass.
Matt was at Dirk’s apartment to practice their voice lessons which had started a month previously. Both had become very good at sounding like a woman, with Matt’s voice being the higher toned of the two. Dirk sounded like a sultry and sexy alto, while Matt sounded like the ever bubbly cheerleader.
“Dirk, have you been feeling different lately?” Matt asked.
“Why do you ask?”
“Because you seem different, you look like you’re having more fun than you use to.”
“I guess I am, this girl thing has become kind of fun, but I’ll be glad when it is over,” giggled Dirk.
“That’s what I mean, the way you giggle all the time, it’s cute.”
“You should talk, miss bubbly personality.”
“You called me miss?”
“I guess I did, I’m beginning to feel like a miss myself, that’s scary, maybe we should try being our old selves so we don’t forget where we came from.”
“And how are we supposed to do that?”
“We can talk in our old voices like this,” Dirk said as he lowered his voice.
Matt started laughing and finally stated, “You sound like a woman trying to lower her voice,” as he did the same.
“You sound like I just walked into a gay bar,” as Dirk giggled out the words.
The mood turned serious as Matt said, “This is becoming more than just fun Dirk, it’s changing us in ways that we might not be able to reverse. It’s exciting but scary at the same time, how do you feel about it?”
“I wish we never started this thing, I don’t like it, this new me isn’t me. I don’t like being a giggly girl all the time but I can’t help myself, it just comes out and what’s worse is that Maria loves it and only encourages me when I get into a giggling fit. I didn’t think her training could do that.”
“I know what you’re talking about. It seems as though I feel more and more like a girl everyday and what’s worse is that I look forward to Maria’s lessons. I should want to go surfing, but I want to practice my makeup instead, I think she implanted a girl worm in our heads,” Matt giggled.
“No doubt,” replied Dirk in his feminine voice.
The weeks past and the training became more intense as the girls were expected to never make a mistake during their exercises. They both had graduated to four-inch heels and their legs ached as their muscles tried to adapt to the new height. Their voices had settled into the comfortable range for a woman which made them feel more like what they were becoming, exciting young women.
Matt’s chest was starting to bud as the hormones seemed to be having a greater effect on him than Dirk. He voiced his concern to Maria.
“Maria, my chest is bothering me all the time, maybe I’m having a reaction to the glue on the forms,” he said.
“When you go for your hormone injection say something to the doctor so he can look at it, we can’t be too careful,” she replied.
Matt went for his injection and left his forms off so the doctor could look at his chest. After his shots he asked the doctor what the problem might be.
“Matt, you seem to be fine, actually better than fine, you’re starting to develop breasts. For some reason you seem to be taking to the hormones better than Dirk. He’s doing what we expected, rounding out but you’re developing much faster than expected. I want to watch you more closely to be sure we aren’t doing something that can’t be reversed. If you keep developing like this I’ll cut back on your estrogen,” he said.
Matt left feeling a bit upset, he didn’t expect this breast thing. As a matter of fact this whole undercover thing was just to have fun, not to become a woman. Sure he had gone through the training with Dirk, after all they were best friends but this, fuck, this really sucked.
Matt decided to see if much more developed, so to speak over the next couple of weeks and if he didn’t like it he would quit the program. Sure he and Dirk were best friends but there had to be a line drawn, go over it and the program would end.
The guys were three and a half months into the program and Maria decided that their hair had grown long enough to style.
“Girls, its time to have your hair done, it’s finally long enough to style.”
Matt and Dirk sat while Maria clipped and set their hair. When she was finished both had cute short feminine styles, their transformations had finally been completed. It was time for them to visit the outside world and to see what it was like to interact with other people as a woman. After that it would be time for Dirk to begin training to become the model he was to portray.
Maria asked the guys to go change and shower.
“Be careful not to wet your hair,” She stated.
Matt had removed his forms again trying to give his chest a rest. He began his shower and felt the tingling sensation as the water caressed his breasts. They had grown enough to be noticeable, much like a young girl in her formative days of puberty. The water was sending feelings to Matt that he had never had before, nice feelings. They were erotic sensations and they were having an effect on his penis. Matt was no longer able to gain an erection and yet he felt the orgasm growing as the water made love to his breasts. Matt almost collapsed when the orgasm hit him. The semen flowed from his deflated member but it was the mental part that had just put him over the edge. He discovered that he liked being a woman, actually he loved being a woman and now he some decisions to make, what he was going to do about this whole thing. He had to think.
Maria came and reattached his forms and noticed Matt’s growth.
“My, my, we’re becoming a young woman aren’t we?” she asked.
“God Maria, what’s happening to me?”
“You’re growing breasts Matt, don’t be concerned, they’ll go away after you quit the hormones.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m positive, enjoy them while you have them, now get dressed, we’re going shopping.”
Matt rolled his panty hose up his smooth legs and loved feelings he was getting from them, he seemed so much more alive since his shower. Next came a short skirt and blouse. After finished his makeup he looked in the mirror and loved what he saw, a hot looking girl on her way to shop. He knew he would pass as a girl but felt an uneasiness with the thought of meeting new people. Matt sat and put on his four-inch wedge sandals and went to meet Maria and Dirk.
“Wow, you two look scrumptious, the boys will be after you like a bee to honey,” Maria said.
“Don’t make me regret this Maria, if a guy so much as looks at me I’ll probably punch him,” Dirk replied.
“Calm down Dirk, if a guy didn’t look at you I would be very disappointed. You’re gorgeous, and being looked at is part of being a woman. We have to give you two a new name, Matt and Dirk don’t cut it for girls names. Do you have any preferences that you might like?”
“I kind of like Brenda,” answered Matt, “Brenda Watson, that’s who I’ll be.”
“Brenda, God Matt, that’s so girly, I can’t think of one Maria, you pick one for me,” Dirk responded.
“You’re going to be a model so it has to be a seductive name everyone will remember, let me see,” Maria pondered, “Tiffany Marie, that’s it, your now Tiffany Marie Rollins, do you like it?”
“Yuk, it’s so feminine sounding, can’t you pick something else?” Dirk asked as he made a sour looking face.
“Of course I could, we could call you Bruiser, now doesn’t that sound much better for a girl?” she asked.
“Gag, you’re right Tiffany does sound better for a girl, it’s just that I’m not a girl.”
“You look like one and act like one, so your name had better match what people see when they look at you. Now let’s go, it’s time for you to have your first female experience, it’s time to build a wardrobe.”
“I don’t want to build a wardrobe, I just want to go get the bad guys,” Dirk said.
“You won’t get anyone if you can’t interact with other women and be like other women. Dirk its time for you to get past this macho bullshit of yours and come to the party. If you don’t, you’ll be dead ten minutes after you land in New York City and I’m not kidding. I hate to sound harsh but get your head out of your ass. Now lets go and have some fun,” Maria said.
Dirk was taken back by what Maria had so harshly said, but he knew she was right, either get with the program or die, the choice was his to make.
“I’ll try,” was all he could say.
Maria brought the boys to a nearby mall with all the large anchor stores and started their lessons on how to shop as a woman.
“Each of you select clothing to try on and then go to the dressing rooms and see what the clothes look like on you, and if we like them we’ll buy them,” she ordered.
The boys did as instructed and as the day wore on Matt, now Brenda was having fun and wanted to stop at every store in the mall. Dirk on the other hand found that this shopping thing was nothing more than a royal pain in the ass.
“Maria, how much longer do we have to do this?” Dirk whined.
“Until it becomes second nature to you. Dirk if you don’t get with the program here, you and Matt will be in serious trouble when you go undercover. Please try to have some fun with this, look at Matt, he seems to be having fun, why can’t you?”
“Because this isn’t fun and I hate behaving like a woman, it’s so faggy,” Dirk responded and then wished he hadn’t said what he did as he saw Maria’s face go red with anger.
Maria had tried to make the day special for the boys and now Dirk was going to ruin it with his attitude and he had just pushed the wrong button with Maria.
“Listen here you shit, what you’re learning is going to save your life and nothing more. You’re learning how to be a woman, not an effeminate man but a woman. If you haven’t figured that out by now maybe you shouldn’t be an agent, go sit behind a desk and be safe, be a sissy, because that’s how you’re acting now, the hell with it, get out of my sight you asshole,” Maria spat out as her fiery temper gained control of her mouth..
Dirk was stunned by the outburst from Maria. He knew she had a temper but this was over the top. He felt bad for what he had said and he had to make things better.
“I’m sorry Maria, I guess what I said just came out wrong, it’s just that all this is so new to me, and, and I’m afraid that I might like it,” Dirk groveled.
“Listen to me Dirk,” Maria answered, “As a woman you’re supposed to like shopping and a lot of other things guys don’t like, but that’s the way it is, and besides what’s wrong with finding that you like being a woman?”
“I’m supposed to be a man and I was taught to be one. Its hard to give that up,” he said.
“You’re not giving it up, Dirk will always be there. You’re only going to be Tiffany for a little while,” she said.
“I guess you’re right, after all it’s just an assignment and nothing more,” Dirk said.
“Maria, Maria, look at this dress, it’s so pretty, I have to get it, please just one more thing?” bubbled Matt as he held the mini up for inspection.
“See, it’s not impossible to have fun shopping,” Maria said as she looked at Dirk, “Yes you can have it but no more today, we’ll come back next week after all that’s what women are made for, to shop,” she giggled.
The four month date arrived and the boys went for their last hormone treatment. They were examined and prodded by the doctor and determined that they shouldn’t continue with the estrogen and would only keep the testosterone blocker in play so they would keep their feminine look. Dirk was relieved because he didn’t like what the hormones were doing to him, making him soft and rounded and very attractive for a woman. Matt however had different feelings about stopping treatment, he liked becoming a woman and after his experience in the shower wanted more, he wanted his own breasts, no forms but the real thing, so he voiced his feelings to the doctor.
“Doctor, do I have to stop taking the hormones?” Matt asked.
“Well no, I guess not, but if you continue I might not be able to make you a man again, why do you ask?”
“Because I want breasts and I want to feel like a real woman. I don’t know if you can understand how I feel but I love how my chest feels as it has begun to swell and how sensual it feels, I can’t think of anything I want more right now.”
“If I continue treatment there may be no turning back, I hope you realize that.”
“I know, I’ve thought about it and its what I want to do. The papers we signed said we would always have a job here no matter what we looked like after the assignment was over. I’ll always have a job and what would be so wrong with being a woman FBI agent?”
“I’ll think about it Matt, come back next week and I’ll either give you your next course of hormones or tell you no.”
“Thank you, please make it yes,” giggled Matt.
Dirk went into his next phase of training, becoming a model. He learned how to walk the runway, pose for photos, change clothes quickly, do his own makeup if needed and best of all he was beginning to have fun.
Matt returned to the doctor’s office the next week to learn of the decision that would affect the rest of his life.
“Good morning doctor, have you made a decision?” asked Matt.
“Yes I have. It took some time for me to come to some kind of conclusion but I finally did. I studied your files and found that you do things on impulse and mainly to have fun. I worry that if I were to continue your treatment you might change your mind in a few months and your body would be damaged beyond repair. On the other hand, I’m sure you have put a lot of thought toward your decision to becoming more of a woman than you are now. Before I tell you what I have decided I want you to tell me why you want to do this thing.”
“It’s hard to describe, I just know that I want this more than anything I’ve ever wanted! After I started on the hormone treatment I seemed to become more settled in my behavior. I didn’t want to do things just because they were fun, but because they were important! When we first got this assignment I thought it would be a gag to impersonate a woman. But, the farther along we got into it, I found that I didn’t want to impersonate a woman - I wanted to become the woman I portrayed! When my breasts began to swell, even this tiny amount, I felt my skin tighten with the swelling and knew that this — This was what I wanted! I can close my eyes and feel my breasts as they swell and wish that they were larger and more rounded. I imagine my skin becoming softer and my waist growing smaller and then flaring out to my rounded hips. When I shower, I caress my body with my hands and wish that I were more complete as a woman! Being a woman isn’t an impulse or a way for me to have fun! This is Who I want to be! Please doc... please...please make my wish come true?” Matt answered as a tear filled his eye.
“Matt, there are other things to consider if you do this thing. First off, you have a family to consider and, secondly, how are you going to relate to men or women? You will be an attractive woman and men will want to be with you so you will have to handle the attention you might not want. You don’t have a wife or girl friend at this moment, but you do have a mother and father and if I recall two brothers who may not like you becoming a woman. It’s one thing to tell them you are undercover disguised as a woman and quite another to tell them that you have actually become one. To be perfectly honest with you, I’m very reluctant as to whether I should continue your treatment or not. If you do as I ask, I’ll give you your injections for now. But, and this is a very large but, I want you to talk to your family and discuss with them what your intentions are. You will need to do this in the next month or I’ll stop giving you the hormones and hope I don’t do any further damage to your body. Do we have an understanding?”
“Yes doctor,” Matt responded as the smile lit up his face. He was going to get his breasts!
Edited by Sephrena Lynn Miller
Runway | Chapters 3 - 4: What have I Gotten Myself Into?
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Synopsis: After being tricked into an undercover assignment involving roles of a more feminine nature, Dirk, now Tiffany, and Matt, now Brenda both begin to find out just what they stepped into....
Dirk’s training continued and as a result had become a very exciting young woman. He was going to make a considerable splash in the world of modeling and could not wait to begin his undercover work. Dirk’s femininity had become a learned experience from the constant training he was receiving from Maria. His sessions would last for hours until he got the lesson right and was becoming more comfortable with his new role and sexual identity. Dirk had finally broken down his prejudiced walls and was beginning to have fun with his part as Tiffany. His final day at the training center had come.
Matt’s training had also continued except it was different from Dirks. Matt was becoming Brenda, an attractive young woman on the bottom rung of a ladder trying to climb to success. Matt’s training consisted of being with Maria’s assistant and mimicking her in normal everyday living. While Dirk was learning the subtleties of modeling, Matt was living as a woman. Whenever Jenny did something, Matt did the same thing. Whether it was eating, walking, or shopping - Matt was there. In his case, there was no posing to try to look pretty, or to walk as models walked - Matt had become a woman by living as one. Whenever he made a mistake, Jenny would try to correct him. Maybe his walk was not right or some other gesture, but as the months passed, so did the criticism, which virtually disappeared, Matt was truly evolving into a pretty woman. Jenny had done her work well by befriending Matt. The two had become the very best of friends. They began sharing their most intimate thoughts with each other. All of which had brought Matt to ask Jenny if he was making the right decision about his hormones.
“Jenny, I have to ask you something that is really important to me. Please, promise to be honest with me?” Matt said, as the two girls sat to eat lunch.
“Brenda, you’re my best friend in the whole world! I would never be anything but honest with you. Is there something wrong?” Jenny asked.
“It’s just...,” Matt stifled some tears, “I want to actually become a woman! Its way beyond this assignment! It’s a need, a craving, it just feels so right to me! It is me! I want to continue taking my hormone treatment and eventually transition through surgery.”
Jenny struggled a moment to say it. “You mean…even after the assignment is over?”
“Yes.”
“Have you told Dirk?”
“No, and I don’t think I will. Being who he is, I don’t think he would understand why I would want to do this. He is doing a wonderful job as Tiffany! But for him it’s just a role he’s playing. For me, it’s more than just a role - I’ve become Brenda! I found that this is my one true calling in life and that I love being her! It’s as if I have finally found my purpose in my life! I have finally become me!”
Matt just stood there with his hands shaking. His eyes glistened as they searched Jenny’s for acceptance.
“Oh Brenda, “ Jenny poured out in sympathy as she gently hugged Matt. “This is a such a serious decision to make hon.”
They swayed slightly back and forth as they held each other for that timeless moment. Jenny pushed Matt’s chin up looking straight at him. “Are you sure this is what you want?”
Matt nodded as they pulled apart.
“More than anything! I’ve been going through this life like everything was a joke. Now that I have found my purpose, this direction I’m taking - I don’t ever want to lose that! I can’t!”
Matt, rather Brenda, as he now considered himself a she, obviously paused so as not to choke and gathered her voice.
“I love being me!”
Jenny reached and took Brenda’s hands in hers and said, “I’m always here for you. I love you Brenda! I will do anything for you! You’re going to make a beautiful woman and one that I’ll be honored to have as a friend.”
A tear formed in Brenda’s eye and ran down her cheek. The both of them smiled and hugged again if they were lost sisters finally reuniting after long years of absence! Brenda knew she was lucky to have a friend as true as Jenny!
“The hardest part of all of this is still ahead of me.” Brenda said, regaining control of her emotions. “ I have to inform my family of my decision to become a woman. I’m so afraid of what they are going to say and how they will react to me. I mean, I told them about what we were doing this as far as the disguises were concerned and my mom laughed saying that I would learn how hard being a woman really was. She said that when I finally married I would have an inside appreciation for all the time and work women took to look good. We both laughed when I told her how much waxing hurt. It was all a little joke then. But now, when I’m thinking of telling her I want my own breasts, ones that don’t come off with solvent, and the complete package.. I’m just not sure how she will react.”
“You should tell her the truth and just be honest with her. Be her daughter and be proud of who you are.”
“I will be proud Jenny, I’m just so afraid of what they are going to say.”
“It’s so hard to imagine all the things someone may or may not say, If I were you, I would wait until after your assignment is over so that way you will have a clear focus of what to say and how you will say it to her. Who knows? You might even change your mind and go back to being Matt the surfer dude,” giggled Jenny.
Brenda shook her head in a smiling no.
“That part of me is in the past Jen.” Brenda chuckled. “But maybe you are right about my waiting until the assignment is over and not rush into exposing myself too hastily. Maybe I’ll just talk to my mom about pretending to be a girl first and get her used to my really being this way.”
“That’s not a bad idea! And if you do change your mind, the disguise just goes away. But if you do go through with this, at least by then your family will have become somewhat used to it.”
“I hope so.”
Jenny just smiled.
“Brenda, we should change our clothes. Maria and I have a surprise for both you and Tiffany. Tonight is the last bit of training that you will have before going to New York City. We’re going to go out as four girl friends, dancing.”
“Dancing? Like with men? Oh my God, I don’t think I’m ready for that.”
Jenny giggled. “Of course you are girlfriend! You’re more than ready, you’re a confident beautiful woman who is sure of herself and you should show yourself off.”
“But I don’t want anything to do with men! I’m not gay!”
“I know you’re not gay, silly, you’re a girl now and girls interact with guys! What do you think is going to happen while you’re on this assignment anyways? Do you think men are going to simply ignore you? That isn’t going to happen! You’re a very attractive woman now Brenda, and men are going to be looking at you! So get used to having their attention.” Jenny comforted her friend again. “Look. All we’re going to do is go dance and flirt a little. Maria and I won’t let anything happen to you that you don’t want to happen. Just pick out a dress and it doesn’t have to be too sexy. I’ll help you with your makeup too. Tonight is going to be your special night.”
Jenny led a reluctant Brenda to her own wardrobe to look for a dress. Brenda picked through her rather large selection of clothes until she settled for a rather conservative black dress.
“I think I’ll wear this one,” stated Brenda.
“Are you kidding Brenda? We’re going out to attract men, not go to church!” Jenny giggled as Brenda opened her mouth and stopped before saying something. “Here, let me look at what you have in here. Hmm…no, not quite right,” Jenny said as she fingered her way back through the rack of clothes before one really caught her attention. “Oh yes. This one is just perfect,” she said as she held up a tiny little teal number with spaghetti straps up in front of Brenda.
“Oh my God, I can’t wear that!” Brenda furiously blushed. “The only reason I bought that one was to try it on inside here alone.”
“Please? Try it on… for me?” Jenny’s softly begged.
Brenda hesitated and stammered, “Please Jenny! This dress is way too sexy! Guys will be all over me!”
“How do you know? You’ve never been out as a woman with guys before.”
“Because I tried it on and looked at myself in the mirror. Even I wanted to attack myself.”
“Good!” Jenny grinned. “That’s what we want! Now go change.”
Brenda fumed as she changed into the wispy little dress and nervously went back to rejoin Jenny.
“Oh Brenda, that’s perfect! You’re simply gorgeous in that!”
“But I think too much of my legs are showing.”
“Girl, with legs like that you can never not show too much of a good thing. Here, step into these sandals and let me take a good look at you.”
Brenda did as asked and Jenny buckled the four-inch heels around each ankle.
“God Brenda, I’m so jealous! It’s not fair for a boy to be prettier than me. Now take everything off and go take a bath. We’re going to do this right. This is your coming out party and I want everything to be perfect. If you really do decide that you want to become a woman, then this will be more than just a learning experience. Being a woman means that you can pamper yourself, look beautiful, and not feel guilty about it. Enjoy this night girlfriend!”
Brenda removed her clothes and went to bathe.
During this time, Maria was informing Tiffany that she too was going out to interact with men for the first time.
“I won’t do it Maria! I won’t go out dancing!”
“Why not? You’re a beautiful woman now Tiffany. Why wouldn’t you want to go?”
“Because I’m a man damn it!! I’ll be damned if I’m going to let some pervert touch me!! Fuck this! Fuck all of it!” Tiffany swore.
“Watch your mouth young lady! When we started this way back when, I warned you not to cross me. Up until this moment, you could have stopped this assignment at any time! Well that’s just too damn bad! You had your choice and all the chances in the world. Well it’s just too damn late for that now! I didn’t spend the last five months teaching you to become a woman so you could suddenly turn into some kind of prima donna bitch! You are going to become a supermodel as part of this assignment or I’ll bust you so hard for breach of contract with the FBI you’ll get used to spending time in a federal pen trying to model for inmates! And I don’t think clothing will matter much to them!” Maria angrily spat.
Regaining her composure she continued, “Part of being a sexy woman is to excite men, like it or not. If you think you’re just going to walk a runway and hide in a room somewhere, you can just get that idea out of your head right now! You have to become a whole person — a woman, not just some figment of your own imagination. And part of that is interacting with men. All we will do is go dancing and have some fun - not go to bed with them! Unless that’s what you want? Do I make myself clear?” Maria finished with a hint of rage in her voice.
“But I didn’t think guys were going to be part of this!” Tiffany whimpered.
“Dirk, for this assignment, you’re not a man anymore. You’re a woman! Guys are part of being what you are training for. You don’t have to sleep with them or even kiss them, just be sociable.”
“Alright, I’ll give it a try.”
“Good girl! Now tonight is going to be fun! Just remember to smile a lot. Now let’s get you dressed.” Maria continued as she led Tiffany back through the hallway, “I know just the dress for you to wear to. Go take a bath first and use the shower cap hanging by the towels. We don’t want you to get your hair wet or will lose time. Now shoo!” Maria motherly commanded as her anger faded away.
Maria knew just the dress she wanted Tiffany to wear. It was a red satin one with a collar and sleeveless. She helped Tiffany into it. The fabric gathered as it flowed down over Tiffany’s breasts and then across her back with crossing straps and then came back below her navel. The dress allowed her waist to show from down below her breasts. It finished as a skirt starting at mid thigh on one side and going to her knee on the other. Tiffany was going to cause quite a stir tonight!
Maria and Jenny, not wanting to take any chances with the girls, did their makeup for them. Brenda and Tiffany would both shine tonight! After they were finished, the girls dressed and soon all four women were on their way to an exclusive dance club for an evening of fun.
Maria drove them in her Lexus 300 since it would be the most comfortable car for all of them to ride in. She pulled up beside the curb for the valet parking. The car doors were promptly opened by the valets to allow the girls to exit. Tiffany swung her nude hose clad legs from the car and placed her red stiletto heels on the pavement as the crowd watched her rise from the car.
“Who’s that?” asked a group of girls waiting entry to the club.
“She must be a model,” whispered one, “She’s so gorgeous!”
The other girls exited the car and gathered around Tiffany as they walked toward the entrance of the club. The doorman opened the door for their group, no waiting for them. Women this pretty waited for no one!
Maria spotted a table and the girls were quickly seated. Since neither Brenda nor Tiffany had reached their twenty-first birthday and their identity packets containing their new ID and legal paperwork had accidentally been left behind at the office, Maria decided that soft drinks would be best. Another small detail that she had forgotten about which would have to be rectified in the morning.
The girls were creating quite a stir among the men in the club. Jenny was wearing the traditional LBD and, since she was the bustiest of the girls, she wasn’t afraid to show her cleavage. Maria wore a white dress to show off her tan from sunbathing and she did look good. Brenda looked sexy as hell in her teal dress and heels.
Looking innocently naughty, men were queuing up for an opportunity to ask Brenda for a dance. Tiffany was the star though, as she walked through the club. Standing at six foot-three in her four-inch heels, Tiffany was every inch the international beauty queen. Her skin was showing where her dress meant for it to show. Amazingly though, she seemed to move with the grace of a cat along the dance floor. This was going to be an interesting evening.
“Do you remember what we taught you about dancing?” Maria asked both girls.
“Yes, I’ll be fine,” Brenda smiled.
“I’ll be okay as long as the guys keep their hands off of me,” responded Tiffany.
“Well if some guy accidentally touches you don’t freak out. Remember, you’re a woman and lots of men will want to touch you, but will be afraid to. That’s why we came to this club, because it’s safe,” stated Maria.
Jenny was the first asked to dance. The music was fast with a heavy beat. Jenny was led away by a well dressed man. Brenda was the next asked and she looked towards Maria for guidance. She nodded her head as if to say, “Go ahead,” so Brenda let herself be cautiously led off by a nice looking man in a suit. Maria went next, leaving Tiffany to fend for herself. It didn’t take long before an extremely handsome man asked her to dance.
“Would you like to dance?” asked the man.
Tiffany looked toward the voice and saw the piercing steel blue eyes looking at her. She trembled, not because she was asked to dance, but because she was suddenly taken aback by the shock of how handsome this man was. This, being the first time ever she had experienced such an emotion from looking at a man, left her quite flustered.
“I, I, uh, yes,” she answered.
The man reached for her hand. Tiffany really didn’t want to touch the man, but allowed him to take her hand in his. She noticed how her smallish hand and slender fingers gloved into his large oversized hand. The firmness, warmth, and gentleness with which the man was exuding upon her from this simple contact as she stood up confused her! Tiffany was having a feminine moment and it scared her! She should have been repulsed by this man’s touch! But she wasn’t! She felt a mix of emotions: Ashamed, because she knew what she was underneath all of the glitz she wore, and she felt a glow within her spread as she found herself appreciating having this man’s attention.
They started to dance - Tiffany the model and he a gorgeous stud several inches taller than her. They looked so good together out on the floor dancing that they could have come from a picture from a magazine advertisement. The dancing continued until Tiffany finally decided to rest her legs. High heels while dancing was a new experience and her feet were protesting loudly. John, the man who had charmed her into dancing, led her back to her table. Upon helping her sit down to rest, he pardoned himself to go fetch them both something to drink. Tiffany was soon joined at the table by both Jenny and Maria. Brenda was still dancing! And she looked as though she would continue for the rest of the night!
“Tiffany, who was that hunk you were dancing with?” asked Maria.
Tiffany felt her face turning several shades of red. Remembering that was bound and determined not to enjoy this evening she tried to maintain a neutral face. As soon as she began to open her mouth, she couldn’t hold it. Something inside her compelled her to admit she was having fun. She was actually becoming attracted to her dance partner. She bit her lip, stopping herself.
“That’s John,” she replied.
Maria could see Tiffany’s discomfort and knew why. She could tell that Tiffany was enjoying herself with John even if she wouldn’t admit it. Maria was about to tease her about it, but suddenly thought better of it. This had been a huge breakthrough for Dirk in becoming the beautiful woman he was portraying. Maria decided to encourage him instead.
“You know, you’re very lucky to have found such a handsome dance partner, I’m jealous,” Maria said.
“You can have him if you’d like?” Tiffany dejectedly replied.
“Silly. We girls always say something like that. I would never try to take another girls date away! Aren’t you having fun?”
“No. Well, Yes. I didn’t think I would but I guess so. I thought dancing with a man would feel absolutely disgusting, but it doesn’t.”
“Didn’t I tell you not to worry? You’re finally letting your guard down and beginning to see just how much fun being a girl can really be.”
Tiffany sighed. “Maria, you’re right. It is sort of fun, in a different kind of way. I mean, being with someone, even if it is a man, isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Of course, John didn’t try anything out of line like I was sort of expecting to happen. Somehow, I lost track of the time and its starting to get late.”
Tiffany lowered her head, obscuring her face some.
“Well don’t go falling in love. Remember, you have to go to New York City next week,” teased Maria.
Tiffany jerked her head up with a shocked look that should have been a Kodakâ„¢ moment to treasure.
“Oh my God!!!!” giggled Tiffany, ”No freakin’ way!!! Hell no!”
Tiffany kept giggling in a feminine gesture. That wasn’t lost on Maria as she observed her charge.
Brenda had danced with many men this night but one finally managed to dance with her for several dances in a row. She seemed to be enjoying herself much the way she did when she had been Matt. She would laugh, giggle, and when the guy said something she would respond and appeared very much interested in whatever he happened to be talking about. Brenda then allowed him lead her to the bar for some refreshment. He gently took her hand in his and led her from the dance floor.
Upon reaching the bar, the man didn’t let go of Brenda’s hand. Nor did she make any effort to try to remove her hand from his. She seemed to revel in this feeling of femininity and being held by a man! The drinks were placed in front of them. Only then did he then let go of her hand so that he could serve her drink. He then took his drink in one hand and, placing his free hand around Brenda’s waist, pulled her tight to his side. Things were moving fast now and Brenda didn’t know how to react!. She knew this was wrong and yet she wanted it to happen. She liked being a woman and she loved having this man pursue her! It tickled something inside her! Yet she could not deny this feeling of enjoyment though. She looked up to thank the man for her drink and before she could get a single word out, she found her lips being firmly pressed against another set! Time stood still for what seemed an eternity as the stars stopped shooting in her vision and she found herself melting in this man’s grasp. His tongue was beginning to work its way into her mouth between her lips as they kept pushing together and slightly apart, slowly, in a rhythym.
“Mmmph,” she said as she pushed them herself from him. Trying to catch her breath she exasperated, “What do you think you’re were just doing?”
“Kissing the prettiest girl in the room,” replied the man.
“But I don’t even know you!” Brenda flustered back quickly.
“My name is Mark. Look. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have been so forward and done that. Will you please find it within your heart to somehow forgive me?” Mark asked with sad puppy dog eyes.
Mark looked so cute that Brenda couldn’t help herself, “I guess I will this time MARK. But you had better behave yourself,” she giggled.
Mark placed his hand around Brenda’s waist again and she around his as they walked to find an empty table to sit and rest. Brenda was really getting caught up in being a girl and was loving every minute of it! She found that she was having different feelings about things in general than she had felt back when she was just plain old Matt. She liked being with a man and she had no guilt or disgust about it. Why should she? She was a woman.
Brenda and Mark finished their drinks and returned to dancing. The couple danced for around another hour and then decided to take a break again. Brenda’s feet had been hurting her intensely this past hour and she knew her dancing for the night had come to an end. Four-inch heels may be nice to look at, but they sure are a bitch for hours of nonstop dancing! Mark escorted Brenda back to a seat in a quiet part of the club and sat down beside her.
“Brenda, this is the most fun I’ve ever had here. And, I must admit, you’re a great dancer,” said Mark.
“Thank you Mark. I’ve been having fun all night.” Brenda sweetly replied.
“I’d like to see you again, that is, If it’s possible? You’re beautiful, wonderful, and a special girl to me. And you’re great fun to be with. May I take you out for dinner next week?” Mark pleaded.
Brenda considered carefully how she would answer that. After a moment she said, ”Mark, I’d love that. But I have to go to New York to start my new job at the end of the week.”
“I have to go to New York every once in a while. May I keep in touch with you?”
“Of course you can! Give me your number and I’ll call you when I get settled in.”
Mark handed Brenda his card. He then took her face in his hand and pulled her face toward his.
“May I?” he asked.
“Yes,” she replied, just as their lips touched. That warm softness enveloped Brenda once again as she allowed the kiss to linger even more this time. Mark, as gentle as he had been with Brenda, wanted more. But he knew that she would be put off if he were to rush things. Brenda was special and he knew it! “Best to take my time with her,” he thought. “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost her!”
It was getting late and Maria decided it was time for them to go home. Maria had Tiffany and Jenny wait at the table while she searched for Brenda. When she finally found her in the corner with Mark, they were lip-locked in a steamy, passionate kiss. “My, my, my! Our little Brenda certainly doesn’t waste any time with men,” Maria observed.
Maria walked up to the love struck couple and said, “Brenda, we’ve got to get going now.”
Brenda looked up and saw Maria. Brenda knew at once her lipstick was smeared and that Maria had seen her kissing Mark!
“Um, okay. Let me say goodnight,” Brenda responded as her face turned a fiery red.
Brenda was embarrassed. She knew she had pushed this thing too far and Maria had caught her in the embrace of another man. It felt so wonderful and right for her to do what she had done, yet she couldn’t understand her frustration and feeling that she should be ashamed. For what? Any other girl would have done what she had, so why not her? What the heck? Maria had helped turn her into the woman she is now and she, of all people, should understand why she did what she was doing with Mark! On the other hand, maybe she would be angry for her kissing Mark. “After all,” she thought, “I am still a man, at least physically. Shit! I probably do deserve what she’s going to say to me!” Brenda’s mind raced wildly with doubts.
“Okay, kiss your friend goodnight and we’ll be waiting for you over at our table,” Maria winked.
Brenda felt a sudden relief flow throughout her. Maria didn’t mind her kissing Mark! In fact, she had told her to kiss him goodnight! God… life is good!
Brenda turned to face Mark and said, “Goodnight Mark. I promise, I will call you.”
She then pulled his face to hers and kissed him once again. This kiss held much more passion than all the ones before. Brenda knew she was doing the right thing by becoming a woman!
Brenda joined the other girls and, together, the foursome left the club giggling and talking about their evening. Maria decided not to say anything to Tiffany or Jenny about Brenda’s behavior. That would be something Brenda would have to tell them for herself. Maria was proud of the job she had done with the both of them; especially the progress she had made with Tiffany! She had finally made Tiffany relax a little and have some fun as a woman. She was a little apprehensive about Brenda though. Brenda was going much too fast, even for a real girl and might get hurt if she wasn’t careful. Maria then decided she was going to have to take Brenda aside for a girl to girl talk.
The girls returned to the center and Maria took Brenda aside.
“Brenda, we need to talk,” Maria said.
Brenda could feel herself burning with embarrassment. She felt for certain she knew what Maria was going to say.
“What did you think you were doing with that man? Kissing him like that after only a few dances?” Maria asked.
“I’m sorry Maria. I know I shouldn’t have. I just couldn’t help myself. You’re not angry with me… are you?”
“No, I’m not angry. But a proper woman doesn’t behave the way that you were with a strange man. Dancing is one thing. Making out is another. I remember when I was a teenager and a boy would try to flatter me. I reacted similarly to the way in which you did - girls do love the attention. Kissing a boy like that on a first meeting isn’t the way to show your appreciation for his attention. A smile, a holding of the hands, or even a thank you would be fine. But kissing like that comes much later after you get to know him.”
“I thought you would be mad at me because I’m still physically a man and kissed him.”
“Brenda sweetheart, you’re not a man… not for this assignment. You are a woman and are learning the behavior of one. Maybe a little too much. I just want you to be careful dear. This was a learning exercise. I think, perhaps, you have learned more than what I wanted you to. Please, in the future, think. Don’t let your mind get carried away. Ok?”
Brenda hugged Maria and, with tears still slightly watering her eyes, exclaimed, “Thank you so much Maria! I love you. I promise, I will not let you down!”
The following day Brenda and Tiffany found themselves in a conference room in the J. Edgar Hoover FBI HQ in Washington D.C. being briefed on the operation in New York City.
“Well, it seems you boys actually clean up pretty nice,” laughed Jack Carstairs as he saw the two of them for the first time since the prank that he had pulled on them that got them into this mess in the first place.
“Fuck you Jack,” Tiffany spiked at him as she smoothed her skirt before sitting down. Tiffany had finally come to grips with herself after that night out and decided that she would have fun with this disguise thing rather than fight the feelings. Jack’s treatment of her at that moment did allow her to finally see the side of men women had always complained about. Being asses! Tiffany felt a pit hit her in the stomach as she realized what she had just thought! But it was true! And that feeling of being upset at an arrogant man putting her down did not go away.
When this assignment ended and she became Dirk again, Tiffany vowed she would change her ways. Until then, she decided that while she playing this role, she was going to have some fun. Her personality, attitude, and conservative outlook on how she was becoming wasn’t lost on Brenda either. She noticed the change in Tiffany too.
“Why thank you Jack. I’m glad you noticed,” Brenda answered with a flirty tone in her voice.
“How could I help but not notice? Maria did an utterly fantastic job on the two of you. But enough with the flattery, Let’s get started.”
Jack continued, “As you know, the reason we did this to you was to infiltrate the modeling agency and find the source of the drug supply in the industry. We have very little to go on so you’re pretty much on your own. The only big lead we had was Natalia Breshnakov and she was murdered just days before she was going to tell the police who the drug source was. We know that Universal has something to do with the supply of drugs. Who that person is that’s distributing the drugs is still a mystery to us. That’s where you girls are going to work for Universal and try to find out what Natalia was going to tell us. I don’t have to tell you to be careful, these people are dangerous and we all know what happened to Natalia. Do you have any questions so far?” Jack asked..
“No,” they both answered.
“Good. Now let’s get to the nuts and bolts of this operation. The owners of Universal are a holding company and don’t have anything to do with the daily operations of the business other than bankroll them. They are just as anxious to find the person or persons involved in this drug operation. They have been losing some of their best models to these drugs. This modeling agency is run by a former model named Melissa Benson. Melissa still fancies herself as being pretty enough to model but her age really has caught up with her.”
Tiffany and Brenda both winced at that remark.
“You know how all the shows want younger women, so that’s where you come in. Tiffany you are going to become their next runway model and hopefully a star. Brenda you are to apply for the receptionist’s job. The girl that has the job now became pregnant and she’s going to have her baby next month, so that job is open. The owners told Melissa that you were related to one of them and that you were to have the job because you always wanted to be a model and this would be a good opportunity for you to wet your feet around the industry. Tiffany, it’s going to be harder for you. You’re going to have to earn your job. But if looks are any indication of success, then you’re a shoe in. We’ve rented two apartments for the both of you. Tiffany, yours is in Manhattan and Brenda, sorry, but you will be commuting daily from Brooklyn. The people at the agency can’t know that you know each other. Both of you will become friends later after you meet at the agency. Am I clear so far?”
“Are you even sure I’ll get the job?” Tiffany asked, raising an eyebrow.
“They would be fools not to hire you. Believe me, you will get the job!” Jack winked at her in a disgustingly leering like way. “Bleh! What a lech!” Tiffany scowled inside.
“Both of your apartments,” Jack picked up, “have been bugged and the phones are tapped so we will know what’s going on there. We haven’t installed listening devices at the modeling agency yet so you will be supplied with some to install and use on your own. Just be careful! We don’t want to blow this thing before it even gets started.”
“Brenda, you will go for an interview tomorrow. Tiffany, we don’t want you to go in until next week. Both of you joining the agency at one time might seem to be too much of a coincidence. Until both of you are working together, please don’t contact each other. Don’t do anything other than observe what’s going on for now. Try to find the source of the drugs and who is distributing them, nothing more. Remember you’re ladies now, so play that role! You are not, I repeat, not the person that will make the arrest. Do I make myself very clear?”
“Yes sir,” they both chimed in.
Brenda asked, “But what about us? Are we going to be able to carry our guns with us just in case we have a problem?”
“I would prefer that you didn’t because if someone sees your pistol by accident, there might be questions as to why you have a gun in your possession. If things get dangerous, then you will be authorized to carry, but until then, I would prefer that you just be innocent women. When you get settled in, I want you to contact Bill Cline in our local office in Manhattan so he can fill you in as to how you are to contact him or any of our other people at the agency while you’re on this assignment. Good luck men, I mean ladies! Har har! And thank’s for having the guts to do this. It’s going to put a very big star on your evaluation reports.”
“Thank you Jack,” Tiffany said as the girls rose to leave. “What an Ass! Hmm? Jack Ass! Tiffany inwardly laughed at the man she was starting to despise. She was beginning to wonder why she was liking men at all. Jack seemed to extinguish all the flair she had built up last night just to get close to a man. “I guess Jack’s the answer to every woman’s need of suppressing sexual appetite!” Tiffany thought to herself as she just smiled.
Jack stared at the two as they left and wondered if they would be able to pull this thing off. They certainly looked the parts they were assigned, and boy did they have figures! They were also going to turn some heads. But the attention they would receive from men might unnerve them to the point of making a mistake. Only time would tell.
Brenda was the first to make the move to the city. The FBI had set her up in an apartment in Brooklyn and had made the deposit to the landlord in her name. Furniture movers had even set up her apartment so it would be ready when she arrived.
Brenda exited the cab, being careful not to show too much of her legs as she stepped out in front of her apartment building. Brenda had elected to wear a skirt when she left Washington that morning because she liked the softness of the garment and the femininity it portrayed. The driver helped carry her bags to the front door and left her on her own to bring them up to her new home. Brenda opened her purse and withdrew her keys. Sliding the key into doorknob, she opened the front door of her apartment building for the very first time.
“Damn! I can’t believe this,” she thought, as she saw the stairs up to her apartment. Brenda took the handle of her largest piece of luggage and began the task of carrying it up the stairs. Brenda cursed herself for wearing her heels as she pulled the luggage up the stairs. As she reached the landing of the second floor, a door opened and a woman came out of her apartment and smiled.
“Why you must be the new tenant moving into number three?” she asked with a heavy Irish accent.
Brenda sheepishly looked at the woman and saw her kind eyes and answered, “Yes, I am.”
“I’m Annie Patrick and I sort of watch over this place for the owner. Here let me give you a hand. You’re much too small to be carrying luggage that size,” she said as she reached for the suitcase.
“I’m fine, really. Thank you for asking though.”
“Now don’t argue with me, of course you need help! Here, let me take this one for you,” Annie replied as she took the handle of the larger of the two bags from Brenda. Brenda decided not to argue with the sweet woman as she helped carry the luggage to Brenda’s apartment. Brenda began to consider the hard time she had with lifting and pulling her luggage. She knew her strength had disappeared as her chest grew. Her muscles had faded away and her figure was becoming curvier. Brenda was pondering that perhaps women cooperated together on things to make up for their lack of strength? An innate means of socializing? “Maybe being a woman does have a slight disadvantage, “she mused as she missed having the strength she had possessed back when she had been Matt. “But,” she thought on, concentrating on her breasts, “There are a lot more advantages!”
“Thank you very much Annie! I’m Brenda Watson. Pleased to meet you,” Brenda said as she extended her hand.
Annie took Brenda’s hand in hers and felt the feminine softness of it as she did. Annie remembered when her hands had once felt like Brenda’s. That was long ago, way back when she had first met her now deceased husband.
“It’s nice to have a young woman such as yourself moving in. Most of our tenants have been here for years and having a young person around will be refreshing.”
Brenda blushed. She wasn’t used to having compliments like that. She wasn’t quite sure how to respond to the compliment.
“I’ll go make a pot of tea for the both of us and give us a chance to know one another better. While I’m doing that, why don’t you change into something more comfortable? When you are ready, just come over to my apartment there. It’s Number One. The door will be unlocked,” Annie said as she left.
Brenda began liking Annie immediately. Annie had this caring quality about her that made Brenda feel as though she were being mothered.
Brenda kicked off her heels and removed the rest of her clothing. She opened her suitcase and found the sweats she wore around the facility during training and slipped into them. She pulled her pair of white, with a pink stripe, running shoes over her feet and went to have tea with Annie. Unpacking the rest could wait until later.
Brenda opened Annie’s door and peeked in.
“I’m here!” Brenda sort of shouted.
“Come on into the kitchen Brenda and sit at the table. The tea’s almost ready.”
Brenda entered the kitchen and sat at a small table covered with an oil-cloth covering. She could smell the years of cooking permeate from the walls. There was a comforting warmth about this room that reminded Brenda of her youth as a boy.
When he had come home from school, his nose would smell the delicious aromas emanating from the kitchen as his mother cooked dinner. Sigh! She really missed the simpler times of her youth. If only her mother could see her now, on an undercover assignment with the FBI, she would be so proud! Brenda looked down at the slightly curved mounds on her chest and wondered if her mother would be proud of these too? Maybe not.
“Would you like some sugar in your tea sweetheart?” Annie asked, bringing Brenda back to the present and focusing on the tea.
“Yes please, one spoon full would be fine.”
Annie stirred the sugar into the tea and handed the cup and saucer to Brenda. Brenda was used to seeing a mug with hot liquids filling them. This felt special to her that Annie would take the time to use her best china to present the tea to Brenda. It sort of let that warm home-like feel inside her spread.
“Here you are dear. Be careful, it’s hot. Now, tell me dear, where are you from?”
“Washington DC, by way of California,” giggled Brenda. Annie had a way of making her feel at ease and sharing her new identity.
“What did you do in Washington?”
“I was a secretary there, but I didn’t like where I was working and needed a job change. So I moved here. I have an interview tomorrow morning for a job in the fashion district. I’m really excited.”
“Do you know how to get there?”
“I thought I would get a cab to get there.”
“Oh dear, they’re very expensive. You should take the subway. A girl like you should save her money.”
“I don’t really know where they are or how to take one.”
“I’ll show you later before you leave. So tell me dear, do you have a boy friend?”
“Goodness no.”
“Well, it won’t be long before you do.” Annie smiled, fondly recalling her memories. “I remember when I was your age and a lot slimmer. All the boys wanted to go out with me. When I finally found Mr. Patrick, I thought I had died and gone to heaven. He was such a handsome man. We married and had two boys. I stayed at home and raised them while he worked to provide a home for us. He was such a wonderful man…until he met that woman… and left me for her! He just disappeared one day and left me to raise the boys by myself! I had never had a job and when I found one, it didn’t pay much. But, it was enough to get by. If I hadn’t hired a private detective to find the son of a bitch I would never gotten child support from him! He and his girl friend were living high on the hog with my money! Well I took him to court and it became easier living with his support. Enough about me, tell me more about yourself.”
“I was raised in California and when I was old enough to move out I did. I went to Washington D.C. and found my last job and now I’m here. There really isn’t that much to tell. Where are your sons now?”
“Ahh, both boys married the most wonderful girls. Shamus lives in Boston and James is in Chicago. I’m very proud of my Shamus. He’s an attorney and has two lovely children, a boy and a girl. James is having a harder time of it right now. He decided he didn’t want to go to college and went into construction. He’s a fine carpenter but you know how construction is? Feast or famine. He and his wife don’t have any children yet so she’s able to work and help out while James is looking for a job. Oh you finished your tea, would you like another cup?”
Brenda was feeling a real closeness towards Annie, whom was so open to her with her life. Brenda could tell she had lived a hard life. The lines on her face spoke of the difficult times she must have had raising two boys without a father to help guide them. Annie was a large woman, being able to look Brenda square in the eye when she was wearing her four inch heels. Now she felt absolutely tiny in her presence! Even though she knew hand to hand combat, Brenda felt safer knowing that this woman was living just a few doors away.
Brenda, as Matt, had always been able to compensate for her lack of size by her quickness and outgoing personality. But ever since she started her hormone treatment to become Brenda, she had gone through a lot of changes, some not so obvious. She wasn’t as fast as he used to be and some of her strength had disappeared. Her body had grown softer and more feminine looking, this she could see, but the months of training and estrogen had rewired her brain. No longer did she feel safe in a manly way. She felt the need to be wary wherever she went. Brenda felt very good having Annie as a neighbor and truly hoped their friendship would grow.
“I would love to Annie, but really, I should be unpacking my things and getting ready for tomorrow. Thank you anyways.”
“Wait dear. Here’s a schedule for the subway — a map showing their location’s and routes are on the back. Try taking them. They’re faster and cheaper than the taxi’s are. Trust me. I’ve been stuck in traffic enough times to know if you have an appointment you’re better off taking the subway - so now, off with you. Please let me know how you get along tomorrow.”
“I will. And thank you again for the tea. I much appreciate it”
Brenda left and felt empty. She simply wanted to hug Annie, much like she did her mom in her youth. She couldn’t be too forward though, since she had only just met her. At the time, she didn’t know that it was perfectly acceptable for women to hug each other when they meet, even the first time! Brenda still had many things to learn.
Brenda returned to her apartment and was pleased to see that the FBI had decorated it very nicely. Maybe it was a bit girlish for a man, but it was just right for a young secretary - which is what she was right now. Brenda put all of her clothing away and decided she would take a shower before retiring for the evening. She removed her clothing, gaff and breast forms. Aaaaaaaah! It felt so good to have her growing breasts freed of the pressure the forms put on them! Brenda turned on the shower and adjusted the water temperature. Stepping into the shower she immediately relaxed and allowed the warmth of the water tickling her skin to seep in her aching joints. As the water cascaded down her body, she began wondering just where all of this was going to take her. Never in her wildest dreams would she have thought she would be standing in a shower with water caressing her breasts! The feeling the tightness of her skin as the breast tissue underneath it had grew filled her with a sense of well being while her areolas had filled out to the size of her mother’s. More disturbing though were the intensely erotic feelings she was having as her nipples grew hard from the action of the water on her breasts. Brenda was becoming aroused. She could feel her penis try to grow hard, but the chemicals she had been taking to make her a woman had stopped that from happening. As she was teasing her breasts with her hands, it happened! She came and her body was shaking in ecstasy! An electric current ran from her nipples down inside her chest and touched just behind her small penis, deep inside her. It was absolute pure joy! As her nipple tips hardened and her breasts strained to push outwards, her legs started to buckle out from underneath her. The fluid from between her legs ran down her legs some as the water began to wash it away. Brenda leaned against the shower wall for support trying to maintain standing up. The glow of the orgasm filled her entire being! Unbelievable! God! She loved being a woman!
Brenda finished her shower and tamped off the wetness with a towel. She donned her night gown and then went to find the right something to wear in the morning and then lay the clothes out. She didn’t want to hurry and pick the wrong things, so she took her time and found just the right suit to wear. She wanted to make a very good impression in the morning.
Edited by Sephrena Lynn Miller
Runway | Chapters 5 - 8: Learning - The Hard Way!
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Synopsis: Having started their assignments, Brenda, and then Tiffany began to discover that not all was well within the Universal Modeling Agency. Trying to begin their surveillance, both soon found, their jobs were no piece of cake...
Nine AM found Brenda in the offices of Universal Modeling Agency wearing her charcoal gray suit with a knee length skirt, charcoal panty hose and black pumps with four-inch heels. Her makeup was perfect as was her now almost shoulder length hair.
“May I help you?” asked the very pregnant receptionist.
“I’m here to interview for the receptionist job opening,” Brenda smiled.
“Oh, could you please fill out this paperwork? When you are done, Miss Benson will interview you.”
“Thank you,” Brenda said as she took the clipboard from the girl.
Brenda finished filling out the employment form and handed it back to the her. After taking a few moments to quickly scan over Brenda’s completed forms, the receptionist picked up the phone and spoke into it, “Miss Benson, I have a girl interviewing for my job, should I send her in? Thank You.” She hung the phone up. “Miss Benson will see you now. Her office is straight through that door.”
Brenda entered the office and said, “Hello Miss Benson, I’m Brenda Watson and I’m interviewing for the job opening that you listed.”
Brenda was stunned by Melissa Benson’s looks. She now understood why Miss Benson didn’t want to give up modeling. Even at her age; her figure, looks, and beauty still served her well.
The charm and mannerisms Brenda gleamed from this woman as she stood before her desk impressed her greatly.
“A pleasure to meet you Miss Watson, please be seated.”
The interview continued with all the usual questions. Melissa then looked her in the eye and said, “I’m quite satisfied with your credentials and experience. You are more than qualified for this position. Well, this job is yours if you would like. You will find that it is a little different from most receptionist jobs in that we work different hours with many of them being late at night from shows and parties that we attend. If you would like to think about it, I’ll understand. I will, however, need to know of your decision sometime within the next two days so we can have time to look for someone else if need or train our new employee.” Melissa smiled gracefully.
Brenda, without hesitating, exclaimed, “I’ll take the job! It sounds exciting and I can’t wait to start.”
Melissa chuckled, “I like that, a girl who can make quick decisions. We’ll see you in the morning at Eight Brenda.”
“Thank you Miss Benson.”
“Call me Melissa, we’re very informal around here.” They gently shook hands.
Brenda left the agency and returned to her apartment. After resting for a few minutes, she then called her contact’s number.
“FBI.”
“May I have Bill Cline Please?”
“Who may I say is calling?”
“Brenda Watson.”
“Bill Cline.”
“Hello Bill. You’re supposed to be my contact for the assignment to uncover an ongoing drug operation at Universal Modeling. I’m sure you were contacted by the Washington office.”
“So finally, we’re starting with this thing? They contacted me three months ago. I wondered when we were going to start. Have you been over to Universal yet?”
“Yes, in fact, I was just hired today. I’ll be starting tomorrow.”
“Super! Just be careful. This group isn’t one to fool around with so watch your back. I understand there are two of you to be working this job. Who is the other girl?”
“Tiffany, but she won’t be here until next week. I’m sure I won’t find anything out for a while yet but, when I do, I’ll be calling.”
“Thanks Brenda, I’ll be waiting to hear from you.”
Brenda lowered the phone until she heard the audible clack as the headset rested in its holder. She began to wonder if this job was going to be as much fun as she thought it would be. Here she was, a man dressed as a woman having to worry about what to wear to work. She was also going to have to be very careful to maintain her role and not be discovered by her employer as an agent. Her body was also changing because of the hormones she was taking - becoming softer and weaker. Most of all, her desire to grow her own breasts scared her. She shouldn’t be feeling this way though. After all, she was a man. Or was she? Brenda slowly traced her fingers around her breasts savoring the sensation. She closed her eyes and lazed in the joy of the feeling when she felt the urgent tickling within each breast achieve a state of excitement. The tightness of her skin as her nipples began to swell finally caused her to reach a conclusive statement about herself. She wanted more! These feelings were almost like a narcotic. She had to have breasts!
“What should I wear tomorrow?” she wondered, “I need to make a good impression! God I wish Jenny was here to help me!” Brenda’s thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a quick knocking on her door.
“Hello? Who is it?” she asked as she pulled her hands away from her chest and stood up.
“It’s Annie sweetheart. I know you haven’t eaten yet. And, I was wondering if you would like to come over and have dinner with me?”
Brenda could hear her stomach growling. She hadn’t had time yet to go to the supermarket. Worse yet, she didn’t know of a good place to eat at yet around here. Brenda cheerily called out, “I’d love to!” as she opened her door. “I was trying to find something to wear. I start my new job tomorrow and I’m so excited!”
“You got the job? That’s wonderful dear! Where is it?”
“In Manhattan, it’s called Universal Modeling Agency. I’m going to be the new receptionist.”
“You should be a model, you know! You’re so cute.”
“You think?” Brenda opened her eyes considering the thought.
“Of course! You just wait. I bet they’ll eventually want you as a model.”
“I’m not tall enough and I’m too fat.”
“My goodness dear you’re not fat at all, look at me, I should lose twenty pounds.”
“I’m fat compared to the models. They’re all skin and bones. And quite honestly, I don’t know how they do it.”
“Well come on now, before dinner gets cold.”
“Okay Annie, and Thank You! I am famished. I haven’t eaten all day.”
“You should eat something, starving yourself isn’t good for you, you’ll get sick.”
“Yes mom,” giggled Brenda.
“I’m sorry. I’m so used to having said the same thing to my boys that I just slipped and overstepped my bounds. I’m dreadfully sorry. I shouldn’t intrude like that.”
“Annie, I don’t mind. Really. I think it’s sweet that you care that much.”
Brenda hadn’t eaten a home cooked meal in months an when Annie opened her front door Brenda’s mouth watered as she smelled the stew Annie had cooked that day.
“Annie that smells wonderful! Please…what is it?”
“Just a simple stew dear. Now sit down, relax and I’ll serve you.”
“Thank you,” said Brenda as Annie placed a bowl of her stew and small plate with some buttermilk biscuits between them.
“Have you decided on what to wear tomorrow?”
“No, not yet. I was hoping you might help me decide later.”
“I would be more than happy to dear. I sort of miss having a daughter. Helping you will be just like having one.”
“Annie, this is simply the best stew I’ve ever eaten!” Brenda stated as she was blowing on another spoonful to cool it off, “I would love to have the recipe.”
“Only if you tell me how you keep so slim,” Annie giggled.
“It’s easy. I just watch what I eat and how much. I would love to have seconds, but I know if I do it’ll go right “from my lips to my hips,” Brenda giggled again as she stood up. “Let me help you with washing the dishes, it’s the least I can do Annie.”
“Don’t be silly girl, I’ll do that after we find something for you to wear tomorrow. Let’s go take a look at what you have and find you something suitable.”
Brenda led Annie to her apartment and the search began. Brenda felt as though she was doing a modeling session by the time she had tried on her seventh outfit, but she was enjoying the bonding that was occurring between her and Annie.
“Brenda, I think you should wear that charcoal suit with the skirt, the pink blouse, those black heels and nude pantyhose. You will look like a conservative businesswoman that’s just a little flirty, perfect for the first day on the job. After you are there for a while and see what everyone else wears and get a feel for more what you would be expected to dress as. People like to see a well dressed woman when they enter a business. The way some women dress these days, leaves me to wonder just what their mother’s taught them. Go ahead and draw yourself a bath and relax. Tomorrow will come soon enough. Have goodnight Brenda.”
Annie gently kissed her cheek.
“Goodnight Annie and thank you so much! I’ll see you tomorrow after I get off of work.”
Annie left and Brenda hung her clothes and drew her bath. Annie was right! A bath was the perfect end to a perfect day! Brenda was reveling in her femininity.
She set her alarm for 5AM so she would have time to dress, do her hair and makeup. She wanted tomorrow to be perfect for her first day on the job.
The alarm sounded exactly at 5. “Arghh!,” was the sound that came from Brenda’s mouth as she rolled over and hit the snooze button. Nine minutes later it buzzed again and she finally realized that she had to get to work. Three hours later Brenda walked into her new employer’s office.
Brenda’s stomach was doing flip-flops as she advanced to the reception desk. “Hi, I’m Brenda Watson. I’m to start a new job here today.”
“Welcome back! And Congratulations! I see you’re early too. My name is Cheryl. And you’re taking my place? I’m so happy Miss Benson finally found someone to replace me. I’m expecting in two weeks and I already feel as though I’m going to explode! It’s so uncomfortable sitting around all day and answering phones like this. Come over here and have a seat. Here are some forms you will need to fill out and then I can train you, come on don’t be shy.”
Brenda liked Cheryl right off, she was straight forward but nice and didn’t mince words. Cheryl handed Brenda the tax forms and the emergency information forms from a folder that had Brenda’s name on it. Cheryl seemed very efficient. Brenda only hoped she would be as good as Cheryl was. It would be a shame if she were to screw up Cheryl’s position even though she was here to observe the coming and going of possible drug dealers. Brenda took the pen and forms and filled them out and returned them to Cheryl.
“Thanks Brenda, now this is how we work the phone system. All the names are on this list. All you have to do is answer the phone with a pleasant greeting, get the person’s name and announce to whomever they wish to speak to that they are on the line. Every once in a while, the person might not want to speak to them so you will have to make up a fib and tell them that the person is busy. I know this looks hard at first, believe me it scared the life out of me the first time I saw the phone, but really, it’s very easy. Watch what I do and then I’ll have you take a try at answering the phone.”
Brenda watched as Cheryl answered the phone and when she finished she handed the ear and mouth piece to Brenda and smiled, “It’s all yours now, girlfriend.”
Brenda took the phone pieces and slipped them over her ear and in front of her mouth.
The phone rang right away.
“Universal modeling, good morning,” Brenda said as a greeting.
“Cheryl? You’re not Cheryl. Oh my God, did she have the baby yet?”
“No ma’m, Cheryl’s training me. I’m Brenda, Cheryl’s replacement. Would you like to speak to her?”
“Yes please. Tell her Jackie is on the line.”
“Hold one moment please,” Brenda muted the call and turned to Cheryl, “There is a woman named Jackie calling for you. Do you want to take the call?”
“Sure! Jackie’s my best friend. I’ll take it over here on extension 43.”
Brenda transferred the call to Cheryl and then studied the list of extensions for the next calls.
The day seemed to go by swiftly with all the new things Brenda was learning. It was hard for her to try to remember everything, so she balanced out what was essential to know and try to also keep an eye peeled for what might be pertinent to the investigation. People seemed to come and go all day long: models, agents and various other people. Cheryl introduced Brenda to each and every one and explained who they were to her. Brenda made mental notes as to who ever seemed to catch her interest. One such person was Ron Strange, the building engineer. Cheryl had informed her that Ron spent a lot of his time everyday on their floor using various schematics and for tracing problems that never seemed to affect anyone and yet never seemed to go away.
“I think he just wants to see the models. What a pervert! He should just ask one out and be done with it.”
“Doesn’t Melissa complain that he comes here everyday?”
“She doesn’t seem to mind. I think maybe she likes him.”
Brenda made note of that fact. She wanted Ron checked out by the FBI.
Brenda finished her day and was dog-tired. All she wanted to do was to get home and collapse. She couldn’t wait for Dirk to start at the agency so he could give her a break. Even though she had been on the job for only one day, trying to investigate and be a girl at the same time was definitely a chore. “A chore.” Brenda giggled as she thought,” best shared with my best friend!”
When Brenda arrived home Annie was waiting,
“How was your first day Brenda?” she asked.
Annie barely knew Brenda and yet she felt like a mother to her. There was something sweet and innocent about Brenda that made Annie want to protect her. Brenda seemed to have never experienced life and she had a general sense of naivety about her. This was, of course, true because Brenda hadn’t, at least not yet, lived life as a girl — until now.
“It went well Annie. The phones were confusing at first, but I think I got the hang of using them now. This job might be fun.”
“Did you eat yet dear?”
“Not yet. I’ll probably fix something for myself a little later.”
“Well, I made some soup today and a little salad to go with it. I have to watch my figure too! You know, why don’t you join me? I’d love to have the company.”
Brenda smiled and caved in.
“Ok. Let me change first and I’ll be right on over.”
Brenda decided that she liked being with Annie. Their socializing made her feel more natural and comfortable. The edge she developed from the stress of learning her new routine at work and keeping track of events seemed to melt as they got deeper into conversation. “If this is how women are with each other all the time…damn! I really have missed out!” Brenda thought. She really enjoyed each minute she spent with Annie as they talked the night away.
The next day went smoother as Brenda was now more accustomed to using the phones. Ron came by as usual, as did many clients of Universal. Brenda wanted to take names, but she was just too busy answering the phone.
Brenda heard the door bang open as the UPS deliveryman entered, pushing a hand truck.
“Whoa! I think I just died and went to heaven,” he said as he stared at Brenda, his eyes doing a full body check on her.
“God Mario! If I hear that line one more time, I’m going to scream,” stated Cheryl. “Brenda this is Mario, our UPS guy and dreamboat of the female world, NOT!” she giggled.
“Mario, meet Brenda. She’s taking my place while I’m having my baby. I want you to at least make an effort to leave her alone.”
“God Cheryl!” He play mimicked Cheryl’s response, “You’re such a stick in the mud! I know you’re just jealous because I’m casting you aside for Brenda!”
“In your dreams macho-man,” responded Cheryl as she play smacked his leg.
Mario handed his signature board to Brenda to sign and asked, “Maybe we can have lunch sometime?”
“Maybe,” Brenda sheepishly responded as she tried to disguise her blushing.
“I’ll see you tomorrow Brenda. And thanks Cheryl,” Mario grinned as he left.
“I think he likes you Brenda. Be careful though, Mario’s such a tease!”
Brenda was at a loss for words. This guy was flirting with her and what was worse was that she found that she liked it. Just like back at the dance club, Brenda’s femininity was winning over her rationale and caution towards men. I had better gain control of myself or my secret might be uncovered!
The week continued pretty much the same. Ron was constantly in and out of the office everyday and Mario flirted a little more each day. Brenda had pretty much settled into her routine and was able to observe the visitors a little more closely. She began writing down names to pass onto Bill for investigation and soon found that she had accumulated twenty-three names. This might take a little longer than she had expected. A couple of weeks in and out? No way was that going to happen now!
Brenda was now in her second week on the job and it was time for Tiffany to make her appearance.
Brenda was sitting at her desk as the door to the suite opened. In walked a tall un-Godly gorgeous woman. Brenda didn’t recognize her at first, after all it had been more than a week since she had last seen Tiffany. Seeing girls coming and going had become routine with Brenda. A radiant glow flowed from the beauty as she approached the desk. A twitch moved Brenda’s now mostly flaccid cock.
“May I help you?” Brenda asked.
“Yes, I’m here to see Melissa Benson, I have an appointment with her, my name is Tiffany Rollins,” Tiffany said as she continued her charade.
“Tiffany Rollins, I, I, I’ll announce you,” stammered Brenda. She had almost said that she hadn’t recognized her because Tiffany had a new look about her. That look was driving causing Brenda to feel stirred and drawn to her in a sexual way inside. She could only imagine what her look was going to cause men to do.
The week Brenda was starting her new job Tiffany had spent perfecting her disguise. It was during this time Maria had decided to introduce a very low amount of hormones to help the disguise and the results had been dramatic. Tiffany glowed with self confidence and a new beauty that had stopped when the hormones were discontinued so Dirk wouldn’t become sterile. The doctors assured Dirk that if the levels were kept low enough he would be fine and no more physical development would take place. The hormones would affect him more mentally than physically. Gone was the bitter self loathing Dirk and here was the beautiful Tiffany Rollins, a self-confident young lady.
“Miss Benson, I have a Miss Rollins to see you,” Brenda said into her phone.
“Would you show her in please, Brenda.”
Brenda escorted Tiffany into Melissa’s office and closed the door as she left.
Melissa looked at the girl who wanted her agency to represent her. Standing there was a girl with wholesome innocence written on her face and yet just below the surface an ember of passion could be seen smoldering waiting to be taken. Tiffany was dressed in a light cream colored jacket and skirt that came to just above her knees. She wore a red camisole, nude nylons, red sling back pumps, red plastic bead necklace and bracelet, her nails were painted to match her camisole as did her lipstick, Tiffany was a sight to behold.
Melissa couldn’t believe her eyes, a girl like this came around maybe every ten years, a Christy Brinkley or a Cheryl Tiegs. And she wanted to be represented by Universal? Melissa couldn’t believe her good luck! A girl like this usually would end up at Ford or Willomena, not here! Melissa spent some minutes just taking in Tiffany’s beauty. “She’s going to make me so much money!” Melissa thought.
“Excuse me for my bad manners Miss Rollins. I’m Melissa Benson, won’t you be seated?”
“Thank you Miss Benson,” Tiffany replied as she glided to the chair in front of Melissa’s desk and lowered herself and sat daintily on the chair.
“Please call me Melissa, may I call you Tiffany?”
“Please do.”
“I must ask you Tiffany, how did you hear about our agency?”
“When I was growing up, Natalia Breshnekov was my favorite model and I wanted to be just like her. I saw that you were her agent and decided you were the right company to start with. So that’s why I’m here. Will I be able to meet her? Natalia that is, I’m such a fan?” Tiffany asked with the innocence she portrayed.
“Oh my dear, didn’t you hear, Natalia was murdered six months ago.”
“Oh, my God!” Tiffany relied, with the look of grief that said she had just learned that her favorite idol had just died.
“It was such a shock for all of us, we loved her so much.”
Melissa paused a moment to reflect on her late model.
“Getting back to you Tiffany, I would be more than pleased to represent you. To be perfectly honest, I think you will become a much bigger star than Natalia was. Where did you model before?”
“I’ve never modeled before. I went to classes to learn how to. But I’ve never had a job before modeling.”
“I would never have guessed! You carry yourself so well.”
All Melissa could think about was how innocent this girl was and the money she was going to potentially make from her. Unbeknownst to Tiffany, Melissa was becoming aroused by the sight and being that Tiffany radiated. Tiffany just screamed of sex. Melissa liked bedding both men and women and Tiffany was more than rocking her boat! Melissa wanted to have her now in the worst possible way! “But, business first before pleasure!" she thought.
“Tell me Tiffany, do you have a boy friend?”
“No, I haven’t had time for that,” Tiffany replied rather demurely. Just the thought of a guy touching her gave Tiffany the creeps! She might have become a new person over the last week but, being with a man? That hadn’t changed. No way, no how, was she going to bed with one!
“I’m so glad. Most of the girls here get a boyfriend, fall in love, get pregnant and that’s the end of their career in modeling! I hope you don’t do the same.”
“I won’t, you can count on that!”
“Tiffany, I’ll be straight forward with you. Most of the girls who come to my office I send away because they just don’t have it. They’re either too short or not pretty at all. But you have everything I look for in a model and more. I will be happy to represent you and I’ll have my lawyer draw up the contract. As soon as you read it over and sign it, then you can go to work.”
“Thank you Melissa.”
“I’ll have the contract here this afternoon and I’ll have you on the runway the day after tomorrow. I’m very excited about this Tiffany. I think we will be going a long way together.”
“I hope so too Melissa.”
“Have you found a place to live yet?”
“Yes, I found this apartment on 51st street. It’s perfect for me and its close by. I’ll be back later to sign the contract,” Tiffany said as she gracefully rose from the chair.
Tiffany looked at Melissa and liked her, she seemed to be a nice woman and seemed to care for her. What Tiffany didn’t know was that Melissa was an uncaring bitch who would sell her mother if she could make a dollar and could turn her charm on and off at will. Dirk/Tiffany was losing her edge, she was becoming soft and had to regain that edge or she would surely die in this escapade.
Tiffany exited Melissa’s office and walked through the reception area.
“It was nice meeting you, Miss Rollins,” said Brenda. Brenda still couldn’t believe what a difference a week had made in Tiffany. She was an entirely new woman! She had become so much more feminine and carried herself with so much more grace, she was making Brenda feel like she was Matt still and she had not changed at all!
“Thank you Brenda! I’ll be back this afternoon. It seems Miss Benson has decided to represent me,” she squealed as the kid in her came out.
“Congratulations! I guess we will be seeing a lot of each other then.”
“Yes, I suppose so. Well… see you later!”
Brenda smiled as Tiffany left. It was good having her friend back again.
Brenda had made an appointment for that day at noon with her new doctor so she could continue her hormone treatment. She wanted to continue her development towards transitioning into a woman..
Brenda was shown into the office of Dr. Bill Morris. He was a specialist who did a lot of covert work for the government. But he was also worked with people with special requests for those outside the government as long as they were approved.
“Good afternoon Brenda, I’m Dr. Morris. I’ll save time by telling you that your records were sent to me by the doctor you were seeing in Virginia. He is the one who was helping you with your disguise. I’ve read the agreements you signed and saw that if there was a screw up, we would be responsible to correct it, am I right so far?”
“Yes.”
“Good, now what brings you here today?”
“Dr. Morris, what I’m going to tell you is very difficult for me. When I started this assignment, I was having fun. You know, flirting with femininity, playing with the clothes. It was almost as if I were still in a school play as an elementary school child. It was fun! But as things progressed, and the training became more serious, I had somehow crossed the line. Mentally I had become a woman. This was no longer just a disguise! They started us on hormones to soften our looks with the understanding that we would discontinue them before any real damage was done to our bodies. We had been on the hormones for almost three months when my chest began to swell, not a lot but enough to notice. Whenever I would shower, The sensations the water produced within me as it touched my skin was like Wow! Having breasts, even this small, had made me feel very different, but in a good kind of way. It also gave me a purpose.”
“A purpose?”
“I guess you could call it that. Everything I had ever done in my life to this point was to have fun. I had never really been serious about anything before. The only reason I joined the FBI was to have fun, and I guess, in an odd sort of way, I had found it. After five months of prepping and learning my role for this assignment it was as though a light went off inside my head and *this* had had become my purpose. I have grown to love being this way, not just the appearance of being feminine but actually becoming a complete woman! I have grown to love pampering myself and needing to be around and with other women. I became excited when I noticed my breasts began to grow. I need them! It’s not just to confirm my femininity, but just one part of a total process I will need to go through and be what this disguise says I am. And that’s sort of why I’m here, I have to finish what I started, I have to become a whole woman!”
“That’s a pretty serious decision there Brenda. Are you sure that’s what you want?”
“More than anything! My life, up until now, had been aimless wandering. Now that I have a goal for the first time in my life, please help me attain my dream?”
“You’re very convincing Brenda and since we all signed your contract that we would do whatever you decided to. I’ll continue your medication, however, sometime in the next 4 months I will need your case officer’s authorization to continue the treatment as well as a review from a psychiatrist. It’s not that I am going to try and stop you, I won’t. But, I would be remiss if I did not request that in light of what you want. I want to be sure I’m not doing harm to you and to ensure that this is what you really want still at that point in time. If it turns out to be something else and not what you thought, well, then at least we have time to correct this. I would also like you to see me once a month to just to be sure you are in good health. Oh, and Brenda?”
“Yes doctor?”
“You’re going to make a lovely woman, “ he grinned.
“Thank you very much,” Brenda blushed with the compliment.
Brenda returned to work and carefully sat down. Her rear, where the doctor had injected her with her hormones, was still slightly sore. Cheryl had covered for her while she had been gone and really didn’t mind. She and Brenda were great friends.
“Is everything alright?” asked Cheryl.
“Everything’s fine. I just needed a checkup,” Brenda smiled.
“I always worry around here when one of the girls goes to her doctor. It’s because usually they are pregnant.”
“Does that happen a lot?”
“Nope! Just to me,” Cheryl giggled.
“I’m going to miss you while you are on leave. You’ve become a great friend to me.”
“I like you too Brenda. You have picked up the routine here rather fast and do it very well too. Next week the parties will start again and you will have to work late.”
“What parties?”
“Parties that promote the agency. They were fun at first, but after I got married, I hated going to them. The models were able to ask guys to escort them and after a few drinks their escorts were hitting on anything with skirts. It was fun and it kept my sex life active but afterwards, I wanted to go home to my husband. It was becoming a strain on our marriage but then when, I became pregnant and was going to leave this job, my husband mellowed out.”
“How often do they have these parties?”
“At least once a week.”
“Are they really fun?”
“They can be. Just be careful though, more than booze is used. I quickly learned that drinking and working don’t mix. So I just drank soft drinks and watched everyone else make asses out of themselves.”
“What did you mean more than booze?”
“Girlfriend, it’s best you don’t know! Let’s just say that if the police were to raid the parties we would all be in deep trouble. Fortunately, Melissa’s boyfriend is a high muckity-muck with the police department so it’s pretty cool about what goes on at these parties. He knows that it all goes with the territory and pretty much leaves well enough alone. He knows that if he were to bitch about it, Melissa she would cross her legs and cut him off.”
“She wouldn’t?” giggled Brenda.
“Oh you bet she would! I’ve seen her do it before and he came crawling back with his tail between his legs, Ahh the power of pussy!”
“I’m really going to miss you Cheryl, you know that?”
“Well you have me for three more days, so enjoy it! Ouch! Damn, that baby can kick. I can hardly wait for it to come out.”
“Is it a boy or girl?”
“I don’t know yet. I want it to be a total surprise. Maybe I’ll find out with the next one so I’ll be able to decorate before it comes. But I wanted this one to surprise me.”
“You’re going to have more?”
“If Bill has his way.”
“What about you?”
“Right now the way I feel, not a chance. But I know after I have the baby, I’ll probably change my mind. I love kids!”
“Your baby is very lucky to have you for a mom.”
“Thanks! I need to go lay down for a second. The baby’s foot is in the wrong place and it hurts, I’ll be back soon.”
Tiffany returned to sign the contract and learned that she would be working the very next day. One of Melissa’s other models had become ill, actually she was to far gone on drugs to make the assignment. Melissa had assigned Tiffany to cover for her.
“Tiffany! Hi, remember me?”
Tiffany smiled. “Oh yes! From yesterday. “
“I’m Brenda. When do you start?”
“Tomorrow! Can you believe it? God I’m so excited!”
Cheryl had just returned and raised an eyebrow. “Tomorrow? You must have made quite an impression then girl! Most girls wait weeks before they are ever contacted back to model. I suspect Brittany overdid the drugs again. Gawd! She’s such a loser! Tiffany, promise me to be careful and don’t get caught up in the scene that Brittany did? It’s the pits and will ruin that beauty and charm you seem to carry so well. Besides, it’s not really you.”
Tiffany paused a moment.“Why is she doing the drugs?”
“Because she let the partying gain control of what she was doing and now she can’t stop it. I’ll bet she gets fired soon too. I don’t think she can stop.”
“What is she taking?”
“Meth. She says she needs it to work. But all she’s doing is just ruining herself. It won’t be long before she looks too old to work and ends up on the street.” Cheryl stated with disgust.
“Where does she get it?”
Cheryl, leaned over closer to Tiffany and whispered.
“This is just between you and me. But I think Melissa sells it to her. I’m leaving I can’t be fired so I’ll tell you as much as I know. This is more for you Tiffany than Brenda. But Brenda, please be careful too. Melissa is a cold hearted bitch and will do anything to be the most popular girl in the modeling field. She still looks good, but no-one wants a woman forty years old modeling their clothes. Clothes designers want someone like Tiffany here. So, and I’m not even sure about this, but I think Melissa starts the girls on drugs just to screw them up and prove that she should be the one modeling. Once she gets them hooked, she takes their money from the jobs they do and gives them more drugs. I’ve seen many girls go through here and it’s always the same. They start out looking good and a year later they’re gone.”
“Has she tried to do that with you?”
“Why would she? I’m just the receptionist and no threat to her good looks. You had better be careful though Brenda. You’re very cute and for the first time someone other than a model might be a threat to her.”
“What about that cop guy she’s dating?”
Cheryl’s face went into a more serious look.
“You know that old saying: Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer? Well, I think that applies here. Melissa always knows when to lay low and I think her dumb ass boy friend tips her off without even knowing it. You know cops - they all know where the nearest doughnut shop is, but when it comes to girl friends, they lose all sense of rationality. They seem to let their little “head” do all their thinking for them.”
Brenda asked, “How do you know that about cops?”
“I’m married to one dear. When I first met Dave, I knew right away he was it! He’s an unstoppable bundle of energy! We met at a club and one thing led to another and he asked me out. We went to a play on Broadway and I couldn’t concentrate on the stupid thing. Something about him always makes me want to jump his bones. That’s all that was on my mind throughout the entire show. He was so nice that I decided to wait until later that night even though it was killing me. So, I asked him to come over to my place for dinner and I cooked a meal he would never forget!”
Cheryl’s smile turned a little down as she continued.
“I went on line and found some recipes and made this dinner for Bill. I didn’t know he was allergic to shellfish and I put this shrimp base in the pasta sauce. Well you can guess the results. I had to rush him to the hospital while he was puffing up like a balloon.”
“Oh my god!” Tiffany exclaimed.
“He almost died. He still jokes about it, ‘Yeah, my wife tried to collect the life insurance before we were even married,’ he would joke. After that night, well, God I love that man! Anyways, that’s how I learned about cops - give them a good meal and they will love you for life.”
“I’ll be careful Cheryl, I promise.” Tiffany offered.
“Me too.” Brenda added.
The following day, Brenda was alone at her desk when Mario pushed through the doors.
“Hey good looking! Where’s Cheryl?” he asked with a smile on his face.
“She had to go rest. The baby was really kicking today. You know tomorrow is her last day. Come by and have some cake with us. Cheryl would like that.”
“I will! And now that Cheryl can’t protect you from me, when are you going out with me?”
“Maybe in your next life,” giggled Brenda.
Brenda like Mario. He was fun, witty, and easy on the eyes. If only circumstances had been different, she would have gladly gone out with him. But, being an undercover agent pretending to be a girl had its drawbacks. And one of them was dating a person of the same sex. As time has gone by though, Brenda was having a hard time drawing a distinction between being a man and a woman. She would have to get her head on straight or there could be problems!
Cheryl returned and Brenda told her that Mario was asking about her.
“Mario is such a sweetheart. He has hit on me everyday until you got here. I know he just kids around though. He hits on every girl in the building. He’s just a flirt.”
“Does he get in trouble?”
“Nope! We all know he’s just kidding and no one really takes him seriously. He’s really very sweet. He’s had a girl friend for six months. You think he flirts now? He was way worse before he met her. All in all, I really like Mario.”
“I do too, he’s really cute.”
“Don’t fall in love Brenda! He’s just fooling around and he already has someone.”
“I didn’t mean anything by it. I just, well you know… well he is cute!”
“I know, let it go.”
Tiffany reported to her first modeling assignment at the headquarters of a new fashion designer. She walked inside and was suddenly in the midst of a bedlam. People were running everywhere and she thought she had found the wrong place.
“May I help you?”
“I’m supposed to report for a modeling assignment. but it seems I found the wrong place.”
“No, it’s probably the right place. What’s your name?”
“Tiffany Rollins.”
“You have the right place! Come with me. We don’t have much time left so let’s get you made-up.”
The squat woman led Tiffany to a dressing room in the back.
Tiffany was in awe with the activity. "What have I gotten myself into?" was all she could think about. This operation had gone out the window. Looking for drug dealers was the farthest thing from her mind at the moment. The beehive of activity was beyond comprehension.
“Come here! Don’t just stand there gawking!” barked the makeup person, “I don’t have all day and the other girls will be here soon.”
Tiffany sat down at the oversized vanity with a mirror the length of the entire wall of the room to have her war paint put on. She had a chance to look more closely at the nasty person that had called her.
“I’m sorry,” stated the man, woman, or whatever? Tiffany couldn’t figure out which it was!
“You have to be new here, because none of the regular girls are ever on time. And it’s a zoo when they start arriving. Let’s start again. I’m Justin and I’m here to make you beautiful.”
“Okay,” was all Tiffany could think of to say.
“My goodness! You’re going to be easy! You’re already gorgeous!”
“Thank you… I think.”
Justin went to work on Tiffany and was finished ten minutes later.
“You are really easy to do. You take exceptional care of yourself and only need a little to your face to highlight its beautiful features and a touch to your hair to offset it with. I’ve never seen you before.”
“This is my first time modeling.”
“Well, I can guarantee it won’t be your last! Not with your looks! I’m all done dear.” he stated as he began motioning for a girl that was standing at the head of a line that had somehow formed behind them as they had talked.
“Now I have some real work to do. Come over here, Connie. It’s your turn now!”
Tiffany moved aside and began wondering where she should be going to when a tap on her shoulder startled her.
“Tiffany, go over there to Janice and she’ll show you what you will be wearing. She’s the one in that corner over there.” Justin smiled.
Tiffany wandered over towards the racks of clothes and saw a mousy sort of woman fussing over each outfit. She obviously didn’t see Tiffany standing next to her.
”Excuse me, are you Janice?”
“Yes dear, and you must be Tiffany! Melissa told me she was sending a new girl and I’ve never seen you before, am I correct?”
“Yes ma’m. Jason just finished with my makeup.”
“These outfits here on this rack are the ones you will be modeling in today. It’s a new line geared towards businesswomen, but with a twist of sass to it. There will be five of you girls here today so changing will be a little rushed but not impossible. Each of you will wear four outfits so I’ve sectioned off this area into five spaces with your clothing on separate racks so there won’t be any mistakes as to who will be wearing what. Underneath each outfit are the shoes that are to be worn with each outfit. You may as well relax for a few minutes. The show doesn’t start for another hour, but I will need you to put on this pair of panty hose to make changing the shoes much easier on you. And it won’t hurt to accent your legs either! Since this is your first show I’ll help you dress until you get used to re-hanging your outfits and changing into what you are wear next. Also, these clothes need to be properly hung and taken care of since they are on loan. Remember speed is the most important thing here.”
“Are you sure these clothes will fit me?”
“Shoot! You know I almost forgot about that! I know the sizes of the other girls and have already made adjustments to their clothing. I have never worked with you before. Let’s go ahead and try on these clothes so I can adjust them to you before the show starts.”
“Is there a place for me to change?”
“No, you change right here. Don’t worry it’s not like we’ve never seen girls changing before. Now let’s get cracking Tiffany. I only have an hour to fix everything.”
Tiffany looked at the clothing she was to wear. She would be able to leave her bra and panties on, but everything else would have to go. She had worn sweat pants, a blouse and a light jacket knowing she would have to remove them eventually, but now was the time and she became fearful that her secret would be discovered. She slowly removed her jacket and laid it on a chair nearby. Her hands trembled as she began to unbutton her blouse. It was as though she was all thumbs as the buttons stuck in the holes. She still wasn’t used to women’s clothing having buttons on the other side.
“Tiffany if you don’t hurry I won’t have time for you. Now move!” Janice said in a more stern tone.
Tiffany closed her eyes and thought to herself if I don’t do this thing right now I’ll blow the whole operation. Then this deception would be all for nothing. So screw it! If they see something they shouldn’t then I’m not as good as I think at hiding my thing. Like they had said before, half the models are men anyway!
Tiffany rushed and was soon in just her bra, panties and pantyhose. Tiffany hated to admit it to herself but she was beginning to like the feeling of hose on her legs. It felt sensual and, yes, feminine. This was something Dirk had been fighting with from day one and now he was actually beginning to like it!
“With this outfit you must wear a camisole and half slip. The skirt is short and the coat buttons are below your breasts. I’m sorry but you will have to remove your bra. Don’t worry three other girls here have forms too so you won’t be alone in that department. I’ve never understood why you girls get so skinny that you lose your breast tissue, but I guess it’s that important to you.”
Tiffany thought she had blended her forms well that morning. She didn’t count on the keen eye of Janice though! She was going to have to be more careful in the future.
Tiffany donned the outfit and Janice made some small adjustments and then had her try on the other three. She was able to wear the camisole and slip with the other outfits so those were left on in order to be ready for the show. Time passed quickly and soon Tiffany heard the announcement that the show was going to start. The announcer gave a short history of the designer and her ideas for the up and coming businesswoman. She felt that women’s business clothing had fallen behind the other fashion styles. Tiffany pondered that these designs really would make a woman feel successful and sexy at the same time. The show was now starting!
Connie was the first model to walk the runway and was greeted with polite applause. Next came the three other girls, and finally Tiffany. Tiffany’s heart was in her throat. She was extremely nervous as she started forward towards the runway.
Think! think! Put one foot in front of the other, just like with Maria. It’s the same. Just don’t stumble. No! Don’t look at the audience. Smile! Yes remember to smile. Walk to the music. Strut your stuff! Damn it Tiffany, move! Tiffany finally took the first step and then the second. The third came easier and then it was as though the music took control of her body. She strutted down and back all the while the audience was clapping wildly. She had passed beyond the partition and quickly began removing her outfit. She then pulled another one on with Janice’s help.
“Did you hear that applause Tiffany? It looks like we have a new star!”
“Was that for me?”
“You bet it was! It sure wasn’t for that outfit! Now hurry! You’re up next.”
Tiffany rushed to the runway and arrived just as the girl in front of her exited the stage. Tiffany had gained a little confidence from her first walk and was a clearly a vision of beauty as she walked down and back and to a much louder applause than her first time. Her last two outfits looked better than the first two and by the time she finished with her last walk, the audience went wild. They couldn’t get enough of Tiffany! A star was born! All five girls came out on the runway together on one last walk and returned to remove their clothing.
“Well, well, well. Looks like we have a new star,” Connie dripped with sarcasm in her voice.
Tiffany didn’t say a word, but she now felt threatened. Connie was the professional and Tiffany was newbie and there seemed to be a pecking order to this business.
“Leave her alone Connie! You’ve been the star around here for a year now. You above all shouldn’t feel threatened by someone new,” responded Janice.
Connie just looked at Janice and scowled. Tiffany could see that there would be no camaraderie in this business and it might be just as well. If she became too close to one of the girls it might skew her investigation.
One of the other girls walked over to Tiffany and extended her hand.
“Hi, I’m Donna. Don’t mind Connie. She’s just like that with everyone.”
“I’m Tiffany. It’s very nice to meet you.”
“That’s Betty and Sally. Girls, this is Tiffany.”
“Hi,” they said in unison.
“Betty goes to NYU and is studying law. She does this to pay for school so she never has time to hang around. Betty is like me. She uses every dollar she makes to buy clothes.”
“You know that’s a lie Donna! You spend all your money on that useless guy you live with.”
“What about Connie?”
“I don’t know that much about her. When she first started here she was really nice. But now she just keeps to herself. I think she might be doing drugs. All the best girls seem to end up that way.”
“What about you?”
“Me? Heavens no, I’m about to retire. There aren’t many thirty year old models around anymore. I think I’ll take my money and run. Besides, I have a boyfriend that wants to get married soon. When that happens, I’ll get pregnant and for sure I won’t be able to get any modeling jobs.”
“Tiffany, Margaret Voss would like to speak with you,” said Janice.
“Who’s Margaret Voss?”
“The designer of these clothes.”
A rather petite woman in her early forties entered the dressing area just as Tiffany finished putting her clothes back on.
“Young lady, I can’t thank you enough for the wonderful job you did today! You sold the line. I’m very impressed! Why haven’t I seen you around before?”
“This was my first show.”
“Your first? My, my. Well, I just wanted to thank you in person. I do hope I will get the opportunity to work more of company’s clothing lines with you!”
“Thank you! And I hope so too,” Tiffany replied as she turned scarlet, blushing with embarrassment.
“My God, do you know who she is?” asked Donna.
“No.”
“She just went into business for herself. She used to work for Ann Taylor as a designer. When she left, the stock in the Taylor company actually dropped. She never thanked any of the girls before. You must have made quite an impression.”
“Big deal! This was just one show! We’ll see how the next one goes!” Connie spat as she left the room slamming the door behind her.
“Why is she like that?”
“Because you’re a threat to her and to be honest you’re a threat to Melissa too.”
“Melissa, why?”
“Because she is getting old and pretty girls remind her of her youth and how popular she once was.”
“But she manages us, that just doesn’t make sense.”
“To us it doesn’t either, but that’s just the way Melissa is. She will be as nice and sweet as can be to your face, but behind your back she’s stabbing you with three knives. She really isn’t a nice person. Be careful Tiffany! After today, you’ve become the biggest threat Melissa has had in a long time.”
“Thanks for the warning.”
Tiffany thanked the girls for all their help and caught a taxi home to her studio apartment. It was located on 51st street so the fare wasn’t too expensive. The thought of a model riding the subway, somehow, just didn’t seem right.
Edited by Sephrena Lynn Miller
Runway | Chapters 9: Love Is In The Air
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Synopsis: Brenda begins to uncover some pieces of the puzzle from the office gossip during Cheryl's last day. What she didnt count on was Mario's eyes latching onto her and the danger lurking within their midst...
Brenda on the other hand rode the subway to and from work every day. She didn’t mind except when some pervert would pinch her ass. She was learning that being a girl could be an adventure and one that could be scary.
She pushed her key into the lock and entered the hallway.
“Brenda! How was your day?” asked Annie as she heard her favorite tenant enter the building.
Annie had made a habit of watching for Brenda when she came home. Annie worried about Brenda because she was too trusting. She knew that Brenda came from a small town in California and Brenda just happened to pull her motherly instinct out with her.
“It went great! I do have to ask you something though. Could you tell me where I could find a really good bakery?” Brenda asked. “Tomorrow is Cheryl’s last day and I really want to get the best cake I can find for her.”
“My word sweetheart! I’ll bake one for you. Why don’t you go upstairs and change and then come back over here and I’ll teach you how to bake a cake better than one you’ll find at a bakery? At least the ones in this neighborhood,” Annie laughed.
“Okay, let me check my mail and I’ll be right down.”
Brenda really liked Annie as she was becoming a mother to her and it seemed that she was learning yet another thing that women do every day from her. She wasn’t learning makeup or fashion - but a lot of the little things that a woman does every day of her life. Cooking, sewing, paying the bills, were among the various topics Annie would teach her - including men! Brenda couldn’t help giggling at Annie’s descriptions and trysts with the various men she had encountered.
Brenda was thoroughly enjoying what was happening to her. The hormones were kicking in big time although she couldn’t see a lot of growth in her breasts. She could feel it and, coupled with the excitement within her, she was flush with the joys of learning a new side of life! The maternal love Annie radiated and her changes were conspiring towards making Matt really disappear.
Brenda returned to Annie’s apartment ready to learn how to bake a cake. Brenda’s first one fell and when it did, she burst into tears. She had worked so hard to make it perfect. Annie comforted her explaining that cakes fell all the time and not to worry about it. They would bake another one. Brenda dried her eyes and wondered why she had cried in the first place?
The second attempt came out perfect and Annie was pleased with the results of her little girl’s labor.
“Your friend will definitely like this cake. She should feel proud that you baked it rather than buying one for her,” Annie said.
“I hope she does. And I hope Mario likes it too,” Brenda grinned.
“Who’s Mario?”
“The UPS guy. He’s really cute.”
Brenda blushed. She couldn’t believe she had just said that about Mario. She was even more surprised that she had said it to Annie.
“I didn’t know you had a boy friend.”
“He’s not really a boy friend. He already has a girl friend, but,” Brenda paused with a dreamy look in her eyes, “I don’t know, he’s just so cute.”
“It sounds to me that you like him a lot.”
“I guess I do. He makes me feel all funny inside when I see him.”
“Mm, mm, mm. Brenda has a crush! You be careful sweetheart. I don’t want to see you getting hurt.”
“I will. Nothing is going to happen as long as he has his girl friend and I know he’s just flirting. Cheryl says he flirts with all the girls in the building.”
“Well, find yourself a nice boy that doesn’t flirt with all the girls. It’s safer that way.”
“I will Annie. And please don’t worry. I’m not looking for a boy friend just now anyway.”
“That’s the most dangerous time! When you aren’t looking, all of a sudden, some man will come walking right into your life. You’ll fall in love and probably not even know it until it’s too late.”
“I’m fine Annie. I’m not going to fall in love and especially not with Mario. Thank you so much for all your help with the cake though. I don’t know what I would do without you,” Brenda smiled.
“You would go to a bakery,” laughed Annie.
Brenda thanked Annie with a warm hug and carried the cake home with her. She couldn’t help but think of what Annie had told her about falling in love. Brenda wasn’t ready for that for obvious reasons. At the same time, she couldn’t help thinking about Mario. Why had he, of all people, had such an impact on her? It didn’t make sense. He was in love with his girl friend and yet all the girls knew he was just flirting with them as a way to tease them. All of this male - female interaction was having a profound effect on her libido. “But I do like his attention though,” she thought.
Brenda awakened the next morning feeling different for some reason. She remembered dreaming about a romantic interlude but nothing else. She couldn’t even remember whether the person she was in the dream was Matt or herself. Herself? Now that was something new in considering her dreaming!
She just seemed driven to dress a little nicer today - well maybe not nicer, but a bit more sexy. Extra care was taken with shaving her legs and underarms. She then fixed her hair and makeup. Black lacy panties were slid on next with a bra that enhanced her cleavage.
Brenda found the perfect dress to wear after some minutes of pondering through her closet. She topped it all off with a pair of four inch tan heels. Brenda then looked into the mirror and gasped at what she saw. I can’t go on the subway looking like this! I’ll be raped! Brenda had reached a stage in her development where she felt increasingly vulnerable. She felt alone with no way to fend off advances from men she wanted nothing to do with.
Brenda rummaged again through her closet and found a heavy coat to wear. “At least no one will see how I’m dressed until I reach work,” she thought as she slipped the heavy garment on. She then took the carefully sealed cake in the Tupperwareâ„¢ container into her hands and proceeded down the stairs.
On the first step down, she almost lost her balance. Shit! I should have taken my heels off and then put them on downstairs! I have so much to learn... Brenda took one more step down before lowering herself to remove the dangerous devices from her feet. She placed them on top of the cake container, picked the cake back up, and continued down the stairs with much more ease. She was almost to the bottom when she snagged her pantyhose on a splinter and ran them from her foot all the way to the top.
“Shit!” she shrieked, “I don’t believe this!”
Annie poked her head out of her door and asked, “What’s wrong dear?”
“I just ran my hose and I’ll have to change them. Could you watch the cake for me? Please?” she asked.
“Of course, why were you walking without shoes on?” Annie asked.
“My heels were so high that I thought I’d fall down the stairs. So I took them off and ruined my pantyhose.”
“You silly girls and your heels, I swear. I’m glad I stopped wearing them years ago. My feet feel so much better for it.”
“I know. But they do help a girl out in looks.”
“I’m glad that you’re the one who has to suffer and not me. Let’s see what you have on.”
Brenda removed her coat and all Annie could do was whistle.
“Brenda, are you after someone special?” Annie asked.
“No, I just wanted to look nice today.”
“Well, you certainly did that in spades! Be careful young lady. I don’t want to read about you in the paper.”
“Yes, mom,” Brenda giggled.
Brenda quickly returned to her apartment and removed her damaged hose. After finding a new pair, she put her heels back on not wanting to ruin another pair. She returned to Annie’s to pick up her cake.
“Thanks Annie! Do I really look alright now?”
Brenda’s insecurities were showing and Annie wanted to put her at ease.
“Sweetheart, if I had a daughter, I’d want her to look and be just like you. To be perfectly honest, I worry every time you leave to go to work. I’m so afraid something bad might happen to you. Even though I have only known you for a very short time I have grown to love you as my own. I have never said that to anyone before. And I’m very good at assessing what a person is like from talking to them. In you, I see a sweet caring woman. A little naíve at times, and you need some reassurance, but you will gain your self confidence, all in due course. Now off with you or you’ll be late for work.”
Brenda looked at Annie, her eyes filling with tears and said, “I love you too Annie!”
Annie grabbed a tissue and dabbed Brenda’s eyes and said, “Don’t you dare ruin your makeup,” and then hugged the frail young girl.
Brenda put her coat back on, picked the cake back up from the hall table where Annie had placed it. She continued her walk to the subway station for her commute to work.
Cheryl had always opened the phones and Brenda would arrive thirty minutes later but since this was to be Cheryl’s last day, Brenda was to opening instead. Brenda arrived and brought her precious cake to the break room, placing it on the counter. She removed her coat and hung it in her closet. She then sat down at her front desk to start finishing some contract filing before her day of greeting customers and answering the phones began.
It was eight in the morning and she was the second person to arrive. The first was Carla in accounting. Carla always arrived at six so she wouldn’t be interrupted while making entries from the previous day.
“Good morning Carla, I’m here,” Brenda said as she spoke into her mouth-piece.
“Thanks Brenda.”
It was a slow morning and the phones were pretty quiet for a change. Brenda didn’t like it like that at all because time seemed to drag slowly. It was almost nine before Cheryl arrived.
“Good morning Brenda,” Cheryl said in her normal greeting and then her eyes went wide and she exclaimed, “Just look at you girl! Are you going somewhere after work?”
“No, I just felt like looking nice for a change.”
“Brenda, you always look nice. But this, you really did yourself up this morning. You look gorgeous.”
“This isn’t too much is it?”
“Honey, no. You look wonderful and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Stand up so I can see the whole you.”
Brenda stood and did a little twirl being careful not to trip on her heels.
“What a cute dress! I can’t wait to have my baby so I can start wearing something like that again. Where did you get it?”
“Macy’s. Are you sure this isn’t too much to wear?”
“Heavens no and it fits you perfectly. I’m impressed girl friend. I wasn’t sure you had it in you.”
“What do you mean?”
“You always seemed to be a little ashamed of your looks. Most of what you wore was boring - at least for a single girl, like yourself. If you were married, like me, they are fine. If you were trying to catch men’s attention, they weren’t going to notice you know. When they see the new you, girl, you’ll have to hire a body guard to keep them away!”
“I hope not. I just wanted to look a bit nicer, not have men chasing me.”
“Maybe not. But deep down inside, I think a part of you does appreciate their attention. Don’t be ashamed of feeling that way Brenda. We all like to feel appreciated even after we’re married off. It makes my day when a guy whistles at an old broad like me. It lets me know I still have it.”
“God Cheryl, you’re not that old. You’re what? Thirty-two?”
“And pregnant.”
“So?”
“You’ll understand what I mean when you get older. You’re still young. You’re what, twenty? And you look eighteen. I envy you. After I have the baby I’ll diet and hope I get my shape back. I’ve seen some women gain fifty pounds when they’re pregnant and it stays for years. I don’t want that to happen to me.”
“You care too much about yourself to let that happen.”
“I hope so. Today you get to give the orders because this is your desk now, what would you like me to do?”
“Just relax and enjoy your last day. You will never guess what I did last night.”
“What?”
“You have to guess?”
“You met a guy at the market and took him home and brought him to bed?”
“My God! No Cheryl… really, guess!”
“I have no idea Brenda. Tell me.”
“I baked a cake for you.”
“You baked a cake? Really? What kind?”
“A carrot cake - from scratch,” Brenda answered excitedly.
“Really? From scratch?”
“Well kind of. My friend Annie taught me how to do it. I do hope you like it.”
“If you made it I know I will.”
The front door opened and Mario entered the suite.
“Holy shi……” was all he could say when he saw Brenda.
Brenda blushed and her stomach grew tight as she gained eye contact with Mario. Damn! What’s wrong with me? Why does he affect me like this? He’s just a man. Well…a really handsome one… with big brown eyes…nice muscles…a sweet personality…*sigh* and such kissable lips! I just want to die whenever I see him! Now I know it! I was dressing for HIM! Oh god!
Cheryl was watching her new protégée and saw the effect Mario was having on her.
“Brenda, wow! What’s the occasion?” Mario sauntered, slowly drinking her form in.
“Its Cheryl’s last day,” she answered trying to guard her so obvious feelings. “Are you going to come by later for some cake?”
Mario paused a moment in thought.
“I really wish you would.”
Brenda blushed all the more and looked down at her desk in embarrassment. She really didn’t have to tell the world what her wishes were. The invitation for cake was enough. But now, she was practically begging this man and hoping to God that he would say yes. Brenda nervously fingered her bracelet waiting for an answer.
Mario saw pretty women all day long and loved flirting with them. Of course, they all knew he had a girl friend. But, it was always in fun. This was different though. Seeing Brenda - it was as if his entire world had stopped just ever so briefly and had taken his breath away. A spark had been lit inside his brain and it simply refused to be ignored or extinguished.
“I’ll stop back by after I do my rounds. It wouldn’t be right, if I didn’t say goodbye to my second most favorite girl.”
Brenda’s heart jumped! He is coming back! Thank you, God!
Brenda signed the delivery receipt and Mario left.
“God Brenda, I thought you were going to faint when Mario came in. Are you alright?”
“Yes,” she meekly replied.
“You like him don’t you?”
“It’s that obvious?”
“Well, I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone fall apart quite so fast as you when he came through the front door. The way you blushed was just so cute! And did you see him? That is the first time ever I have ever seen him speechless. I think he MORE than likes you!”
“No he doesn’t” Brenda protested trying to slough off the insinuation..
“Oh yes he does!”
Brenda glared at her friend for a moment before turning back to her desk.
“You need to think things through and watch yourself Brenda. Or you just might end up like me - over-weight and pregnant. Even worse, as a single mom!”
“Yes Momma!” Brenda squeaked out in a guilty little girl’s voice. Both girls started giggling.
Their conversation was interrupted by the phone.
“Universal, how may I help you?” Brenda said.
“I’d like to speak to Melissa please.”
“Ms. Benson isn’t in yet. May I take a message?”
“Yes. This is Margaret Voss and I have to speak with her right away. Do you happen to know when she will be in?”
“No ma’m. I’m sorry I don’t. Do you have a number where you can be reached back at?”
“She has my cell. Have her phone me the minute she arrives!” she ordered. The phone line went dead.
“Cheryl, who’s Margaret Voss?”
“Margaret? She’s the designer of the clothing line the girls were displaying yesterday. Why?”
“That was just her on the line. She seemed very upset that Melissa wasn’t here.”
“Margaret’s always that way. She’s a very good designer, but she is sometimes nasty with people. Did she say what she wanted?”
“No. Only that she was in a rush to speak with Melissa.”
“I hope it didn’t have anything to do with the show.”
The models began arriving for their meetings and assignments for the remainder of the week. Tiffany was the second to arrive.
“Tiffany. Margaret Voss just called and asked to speak to Melissa about yesterday. Did something happen?” Brenda asked.
“No. Not that I’m aware of. She seemed to be very pleased with the show. She even stopped by afterwards to thank me personally,” Tiffany smiled.
“Margaret thanked you personally? She never does that - with anyone! The whole world revolves around her, as far as she is concerned,” stated Cheryl.
Melissa came barging through the door with a scowl on her face.
“Fucking cops!!! Some son of a bitch just gave me a ticket for an illegal U-turn! It’s the same one I’ve been making for over three years now. And, and, this prick thinks he can give ME, ME! a ticket!”
Melissa stopped walking long enough to look at the three of them and finish, “I even let my skirt slide up almost to my panties! He looked in through the window at my legs and asked if I was getting cold. The nerve! He must have gone queer on me or something! My legs never failed me before!” Melissa grumbled.
“Good morning Melissa,” Cheryl and Brenda said in unison.
Melissa walked past without acknowledging either one of them and slammed the door to her office.
“What a bitch! I warned you Brenda. She can be sweet as honey when she wants to, but let something set her off, then she becomes a lioness looking for a kill,” Cheryl said.
“I’d better let her know that Margaret had called.”
Brenda rang Melissa’s office.
“What now?” she spat into the phone.
“Margaret Voss called and said that it was very important that you call her back immediately.”
“Oh? Thanks Brenda. Look, I’m sorry I took my ticket out on you and Cheryl, especially since today is her last day. And, you look especially nice today! Do you have a date after work or something?”
“No ma’m. I just wanted to look nice today.”
“Well, I like it when my girls look nice. Keep up the good work.”
Brenda disconnected the phone and smiled at Cheryl.
“Melissa apologized for being rude.”
“She probably didn’t mean it. But, it’s better than none at all.”
Melissa rang Brenda after her call to Margaret.
“Brenda. Is Tiffany around?” she asked excitedly.
“I believe she’s in the break room with some of the other girls.”
”Please go get her and ask her to come to my office.”
“Yes Melissa.”
Brenda found Tiffany talking to Donna and told her that Melissa wanted to see her.
Tiffany entered Melissa’s office and stood next to the door. She was afraid that maybe she had done something wrong and Melissa was going to tear up the contract.
“Close the door and sit down here Tiffany,” Melissa said.
Tiffany’s empty stomach began to churn. She was hungry and now nervousness made it worse. “I’ve only had one assignment and now she wants to fire me.” was all she could think.
“Tiffany, I just got off the phone with Margaret Voss and she told me how pleased she was with your performance yesterday. She as much as stated that without you, her line would have been a failure.”
“Really, she said that?”
“Yes she did! But even more importantly, she wants to use you for her national ad campaign. She said that she has never worked with a model that shines like you, even when she was with Taylor. She wants you this afternoon for a photo shoot at her studios on twenty-ninth street. Gather your things and head right on over there. Don’t be late.”
Tiffany exited Melissa’s office and saw a look of concern on Brenda’s face.
“What happened, are you in trouble?” Brenda asked.
“Nope. You won’t believe what just happened. Margaret Voss called to tell Melissa that she loved what I did and wants to use me for a national ad campaign!” Tiffany said, with excitement in her voice.
“Oh Tiffany, that’s wonderful! I was so worried that you might have done something wrong,” Brenda said.
“I have to go over to Margaret’s studio right now. They are starting to shoot today. God! I’m so excited!”
“What about Cheryl’s party? Won’t you be able to say goodbye?”
“Don’t worry about me Tiff. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Just give me a hug,” Cheryl said.
Tiffany walked to Cheryl and gave Cheryl a big hug before taking her bag and exiting the office.
“Can you believe that? Tiffany just started here and now she has a top assignment! Looks Like she’s going to be a special person in this business.” Cheryl enviously stated.
Connie was walking by when she overheard Cheryl speaking.
“That bitch had better watch her ass! I’m the number one girl around here! She better never forget that!” Connie spat, with venom dripping in her voice.
Connie was looking bad this morning. She hadn’t put on any makeup and the strain of late nights and drug use was beginning to show on her once beautiful face. She went into Melissa’s office and slammed the door shut.
“Wow! What was that all about?” Brenda asked.
“That was Connie being Connie,” replied Cheryl. “She wasn’t always like that. In fact, when she started here not too long ago, she was actually a very nice girl. But something changed her about six months ago when she started having these meetings with Melissa in private. She goes into the meeting all bitchy and nasty, but when she comes out she seems calmer. You’ll see.”
“Are all the girls like that?”
“No. Some of them have private meetings with Melissa, but they aren’t nasty like Connie. I’m not sure what her problem is.”
“I know what her problem is,” stated Donna who just happened to enter the room, “She has a broomstick up her ass!”
The girls erupted in laughter with that remark, especially coming from Donna. Donna was always the kind, sweet, outgoing girl that got along with everyone. Maybe it was because she was older and knew she would be ending her career on the runway that she was more emboldened her in her comments. It was just a surprise though, that those words were actually coming from Donna’s mouth.
Donna continued, “Connie feels threatened by Tiffany because she’s younger and more of a fresh look. We could all see how she took over at the show yesterday. It was a special moment for us to witness a super star being born. Of course, there was a certain air of jealousy from all of us. I mean, because we all want to be like Tiffany. We get over it though. And the least we can do is be her friend. Connie doesn’t work that way. She’ll hate Tiffany until her dying days because Tiffany outshined Connie in front of that crowd. Connie’s ego conflicts with the idea of being a supporting model while Tiffany garners all of the attention. Connie seems to be a very vindictive woman. Her and Melissa are close. While Melissa is a shrewd business woman, all she can see is nothing but money coming from Tiffany. As long as she is young and brings in contracts, I know Melissa won’t do a thing to Tiffany. Connie though, is a different story.”
“What would Connie do if Melissa needs Tiffany’s money and shoves Connie aside?”
“She could do a lot of things! Trust me! Connie is a bitch on the outside, but she’s even worse on the inside! About six months ago there was a model that worked here who was murdered and I think maybe Connie might have had something to do with her death.”
“Connie?” Brenda asked.
“Yes. Connie.” Donna stopped talking as the door to Melissa’s office opened and Connie exited. Her look, in fact, had changed. She seemed calmer with a sly smile and a distant sort of look in her eyes.
“I’ll talk to you all later. When do we cut the cake?” Donna asked.
“Right after lunch.”
Brenda had heard her first lead and knew she had to talk to Donna again soon to find out what else she knew. Also, she had to warn her friend about Connie’s potential. Tiffany could be in serious danger this very minute!. Brenda knew that once Cheryl was gone it would be easier for her to make lists and keep track of things without tipping anyone off as to her real purpose for having this job.
Ron came by for his usual daily visit. Cheryl started giggling when he came in and his mouth just dropped when he saw Brenda. She was going to miss all the drama going on at the agency.
“Checking the air balance in the coffee room again Ron?” Cheryl asked.
Most of the girls hung out in the coffee room when they had nothing to do, so, Ron made it a habit to spend most of his time in there too, unless he was doing something in Melissa’s office. It was a well known fact that Ron had a crush on Melissa and she flirted with him mercilessly. Melissa played with him like a cat plays with a mouse before she eats her prey.
“Yeah. I think I’ll check the air balance in here today,” he replied, all the while staring at Brenda.
“From the look on your face, I think you’re checking something else out too,” Cheryl said.
Ron turned bright red knowing he was busted. He couldn’t draw his eyes away from Brenda. He was used to seeing the models - they were all beautiful, but seemed to lack in the figure department. Brenda though, had curves and was pretty. She was also a lot shorter than most of the models and you didn’t have to be six-foot six to look good with her. Brenda had never dressed to show herself before and Ron had just kind of looked past her. Now that she caught his eye, there would be a lot more air balancing going on in the reception area.
“Today is Cheryl’s last day Ron. We’re cutting the cake a little bit later. You’re welcome to come by if you’d like,” Brenda demurely lined as she gave Ron her biggest smile.
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world!” he drooled as he talked to the roundness of Brenda’s breasts rather than to her.
Ron put his measuring devices away as he slinked along down the hall.
“What a pig! For a minute I thought your breasts had eyes! He’s one person I definitely won’t miss,” Cheryl said.
“He doesn’t mean anything, really. He’s just being a man.”
“And a creepy one at that! Maybe if he got laid he wouldn’t be that way. Of course, what girl in her right mind would want some guy talking to her tits all night long?” Cheryl quipped, as they both erupted again into laughter.
Brenda’s face turned serious as she thought about what Donna had said about Connie. Had Connie really killed Natalia? Or was it just a supposition on Donna’s part? Brenda had to learn more about Connie.
“Cheryl? Do you know anything about what Donna was talking about earlier? You know, about Connie killing that girl?”
“Brenda, Donna’s a really sweet person, but I think her imagination gets carried away sometimes. Some of what she says makes sense, but I don’t know about Connie having anything to do with Natalia’s death.”
“I’m sorry. It just scares me thinking I might have to work here with a killer.”
“God Brenda! Connie’s not a killer. She certainly wasn’t ever strong enough to cut Natalia’s throat and dump her body in the river. Donna has a wild imagination.”
“Still, why would Donna say something like that?”
“You’re going to learn that all the girls here strive for attention and will do and say anything to be noticed. And I think maybe this is one of those times. Connie isn’t a killer.”
“Why would Donna suspect Connie then?”
“It goes back quite a ways, even before I started working here. The girl before me filled me in on what was happening around here and warned me stay out of both Connie’s and Natalia’s way. She said they hated each other and would do anything to ruin the other’s career. After she left, I could see what she meant. All they ever did was snipe at each other and try to get on the good side of Melissa at each other’s expense. Now here is where things got real strange. There was a party about three months before Natalia died where a lot of cocaine was being passed around. Natalia wanted nothing to do with it, but from what I’ve heard, Connie pretty much sniffed up half of Colombia. After that, I heard Connie started using the stuff almost every day. That was about the time she began visiting Melissa for her meetings.”
Cheryl adjusted herself in her chair before continuing.
“This infuriated Natalia because she wanted to be Melissa’s favorite and knew that Connie was using coke by the plane load. So she went to Melissa and told her all about Connie’s nasty little habit. I saw Natalia come out of Melissa’s office and her face was red with anger. She turned around and said, ‘If you’re not going to do anything about it, then I’m going to go to the police and let them handle it,’ and slammed the door shut. I never saw her after that. And I, like everyone else, thought she had run off with one of her boyfriends. The next thing we heard she was dead.”
“Did you tell this to the police?”
“No, I didn’t think it was important and it was the farthest thing from my mind because I had just found out that I was pregnant.”
“At least I think I can see why you don’t think Connie had anything to do with it. But, what if Melissa had told her about Natalia’s threat?”
“Maybe she did. But how was I to know? And besides, if I said anything to anyone about it she might kill me too. Some things are better left alone Brenda. I had a baby to worry about, not whether Connie was a killer or not.”
“I can see your point. Maybe it’s best to let sleeping dogs lie. Hey, it’s lunch time! Let’s cut your cake.”
The cake was cut and shared with all present and by the end of the day it was gone. Cheryl departed soon after eating her slice of the cake, declaring that it was the best carrot cake she had ever eaten.
“Brenda, you’re missing your calling. You should open a bakery! It would sure beat catering to a bunch of spoiled women like you’ll have to do around here,” Cheryl laughed.
All the girls giggled at that remark knowing it was true. Cheryl made the rounds kissing and hugging each girl as she did. Last was Brenda. Cheryl had come to love her. Her bright eyes and special smile made Cheryl’s last days here bearable. Cheryl had found a true friend in Brenda.
“I’m going to miss you Brenda,” she said as her eyes misted with tears.
Brenda held her friend and tried to speak, but the lump in her throat wouldn’t let her. She just held Cheryl tightly to her while the both of them let their tears flow.
When they finally broke their embrace, Cheryl started to giggle again.
“It looks as though I’ll have be here a bit longer while Brenda repairs her makeup.” she said.
Brenda looked at the wall mirror and gasped when she saw the two black lines running down her cheeks.
“Oh God, I didn’t get this on your blouse did I?”
“No silly girl. And who cares if you did? It’s maternity wear, not some fabulous blouse that I want to wear over and over. Now go freshen your makeup.”
Brenda did as she was instructed and returned to give her friend one last long hug.
“I’ll call you Cheryl, and you had better let me know when you have the baby or I’ll never forgive you,” Brenda said.
“I will, and watch out for Mario. He really doesn’t know how he feels about you yet, but when he does, look out! Bye Brenda!”
With that Cheryl turned and left her job far behind. She had a new one to start, being a mom.
Edited by Sephrena Lynn Miller
Runway | Chapter 10 - 11: Why Do Women Fall In Love?
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Synopsis: Tiffany and Brenda, already on the go in their assignment, are finding that their lives as women are more complicated than they first thought. What is it with men and their strange pull on them both? Can they resist falling in love?
“Turn your head just a little,” [click], “A little more, smile,” [click], “Now pout, ooh, that’s sexy,” [click], “Lean a little,” [click], “Now think of your boyfriend making love to you,” Enrique said as Tiffany posed for the next shot.
Tiffany’s smile suddenly turned sour with that request. Enrique didn’t know about Tiffany nor did anyone else for that matter, other than Brenda. The thought of a man fondling and touching her made her skin crawl! Tiffany may have arrived in New York City with a new attitude about her undercover assignment, but her gender and sexual orientation hadn’t changed. Underneath all of the fluff and makeup, Dirk was fuming! And he, no, she was determined that wouldn’t change.
When Tiffany arrived that first day of work for her interview with Melissa, Brenda had noticed a great change within her friend. Try as she might, Tiffany had remained surly all during her training. She really hated the girl part of all this and after Brenda had left, was all alone. She lashed out at the only person she had contact with, Maria.
“I hate this! I hate the clothes! I hate the makeup! and I HATE YOU!!!” Tiffany screamed at Maria.
The slap came swift and hard, “Don’t you EVER talk to me like THAT… you ungrateful LITTLE BITCH!!!” Maria said, with venom in her voice.
Tiffany felt the sting of Maria’s hand on her face and then, much to her embarrassment, tears began to gently drip from her eyes as she began to cry. The tears slowly ran down her cheeks, dripping off onto her top. Tiffany covered her face in shame as she turned away from Maria. Men don’t cry like this! And yet I’m crying! God! I’ve become a girl and didn’t even know it!! That moment had finally produced the intended results, and the dam broke.
Tiffany had hurt Maria deeply. Maria had come to love her creation, not in a sexual way, but deeply as one would love her sister. Tiffany, in a fit of desperation, had lashed out at her in the cruelest way possible - with her words.
Maria looked at Tiffany and wanted to say more, but knew she didn’t have to. She could see that Tiffany had finally surrendered her masculinity.
Maria took Tiffany in her arms and held her tight.
“Go ahead hon and let it all out. Don’t be ashamed of crying. It’s our way of coping and will actually make you stronger as you release those pent up frustrations for things you find hard to deal with,” she said as she stroked Tiffany’s hair. Tiffany gradually regained control of her emotions and at some point, began returning Maria’s hug. Maria was her only anchor and, without her, she felt that she would surely die.
“I’m so sorry,” Tiffany sniffed, looking at her friend. “I really didn’t mean what I said.”
“I know you didn’t,” Maria responded, looking deeply into her friend’s eyes.
What happened next confounded them both. Maria drew Tiffany’s face to hers and brushed her lips softly against Tiffany’s. Maria had never had an encounter with another woman but when their lips touched, it was magic. An electric tingle coursed between them and for a brief instant they were neither there or anywhere, there was just…the moment. Maria hungrily kissed Tiffany again and, this time, she didn’t pull back. She thrust her tongue deep into Tiffany’s waiting mouth as they began to explore each other, realizing this was going far beyond Instructor and student. This interlude continued until they had consummated what Maria had started. The two found themselves holding onto each other tight, not quite believing what they had just done and, yet, not wanting this moment to ever end.
“Tiffany! I swear… I’m going to miss you!” Maria dreamily moaned.
“I know. And I…will miss you something terrible too.”
“Do you still feel up to playing this woman named Tiffany? At least until the assignment is over?” Maria spurred as she rolled over onto her stomach facing Tiffany.
“Well, I don’t really feel like a woman named Tiffany. But yes, I can play her. I can do it. But the Dirk part of me will be waiting to return to you,” Tiffany responded.
“Don’t be silly! What we did, just somehow happened: no commitments - just two people, a man and a woman making love. Even if I was available… well, Tiffany, you’re one hell of a man. Just remember this isn’t forever and that you can return back to being your old self again.”
Dirk finally got the message. In fact, he understood now that there was no shame in being a girl, even for the period of time he had to for this assignment. In fact, some of what he had been through had been fun. Now, he had finally come to embrace it. It was time to become Tiffany. She smiled.
“Did I say something that bothered you?” asked Enrique.
“I’m sorry. No, I just lost my concentration there for a moment.” Tiffany said.
“Good, now please look sexy for me...[click], good, [click], perfect! I’m done with this outfit. Now go change and we’ll start the next set through these same poses.”
Tiffany slid into another business suit and continued with the photo shoot. The posing and bending was much more difficult than she had imagined, but she continued to smile and do as she was asked. Twenty outfits later they were done.
“Tiffany, you were magnificent!” stated Enrique, “Absolutely magnificent.”
“Thank you,” she tiredly smiled.
“I’m going to ask Melissa and see if you could do some other sessions for me. You’re a real pleasure to work with. Most of the other girls seem to have a stick up their ass but you just seem to shine when the camera is pointed at you. I think you’re going to make it big in this business.”
Tiffany’s head was swimming. What was he talking about? Big in this business? I bet he says that to all the models. These men are all the same. Tiffany went back and changed into her own clothes. After asking if Enrique needed anything else, she left.
Tiffany walked out of the front doors of the studio with the two-inch heels of her ankle boots clicking on the sidewalk. Tiffany had dressed casual today: an angora sweater and Capri pants. They provided just enough warmth to make her feel comfortable against the early autumn chill making its presence known. Dusk was falling over the city as she walked along. Days were beginning to grow shorter with the approach of winter.
The street was deserted all the way to Broadway and she knew she would have to walk that far to catch a cab. As her heels tapped the pavement, an uneasy feeling came over her. She was being followed!
She turned her head around, letting her hair brush her shoulders in the process, and saw a figure duck into a doorway. She began to increase the pace of her walk. Tiffany felt a rush of fear grip her, making every nerve tingle on edge. Even though she was well skilled in the art of self-defense, she felt vulnerable for the first time in her life. Will I be able to move in these heels? If I hit him I just know I’m going to break a nail. And Dammit! My clothes will be ruined if I fight! Fuck! Now I’m even thinking like a girl!
Tiffany heard the steps behind her gaining ground. Realizing that she couldn’t escape this man in her heels, she spun around, raising her hands into a defensive posture - ready to strike the pervert following her.
“You shouldn’t be walking out here alone,” stated the man, “It’s getting dark.”
Sensing the fear in her, he reached into his jacket pocket and produced a billfold. Flipping it open showed that he was an undercover police officer.
Relief rushed over Tiffany’s body as she answered, “I was going for a cab.”
“It’s a long walk. And you really should have phoned for one. What are you doing in this neighborhood at this hour?” he asked.
“I just finished a photo shoot.”
“You’re a model?”
“Yes.”
“Well, you shouldn’t be out here alone. I’ll walk you to the corner and wait with you until the cab comes. What’s your name?” he asked.
“Tiffany. Tiffany Rollins.”
“I’m Hank Phelps. All of my friends call me Little Hank.”
“Little Hank?” Tiffany giggled, “You’re huge!”
Hank stood six-foot six and looked as though he played football for the Giants. She was impressed.
“They call me little Hank because all of my brothers are taller than me.”
“How many brothers do you have?”
“Four. And all of them are also cops.”
“Don’t you have any sisters?”
“Two. My sister Gail is the tallest and she’s five-two. I would have thought she would be at least as tall as you, but the girls in our family never grow much. Kind of weird, huh?”
“That’s not so weird. Most girls are short, I’m the one that’s strange. It’s hard to imagine being this tall and being a girl too.”
“Of course I can - except for the girl part!” Hank laughed. “It’s getting cold too. Here, let me buy you a cup of coffee before you ride off.”
“I’d like that,” Tiffany replied softly, as he felt herself blush.
“There’s a Starbucks right around the corner. It’s warm and friendly. Best of all, I’m buying.”
Hank was outgoing and engaging. He was a man you couldn’t help but like. He had a strong face with a few acne scars, a moustache, and deep blue eyes that sparkled with a bit of impishness as he spoke. Tiffany liked him right away. She knew that he would be a wonderful friend to have, especially to watch football with and put down a few beers.
Hank was busy checking Tiffany out as they walked closer to the Starbuck’s. I can’t believe this girl just walks right into my life and is having coffee with me. Man! How can I be so lucky to have her be a gorgeous model too? he wondered.
Hank had dated lots of girls throughout his life and had married two years after becoming an officer. His wife was like most of the girls he had dated - plain looking. Not ugly, but not beautiful as Tiffany was either. Hank tended to not mind as he found more beauty inside a person than out. His marriage lasted for two and a half years until his wife tired of him working so many hours. This was during the 9/11 disaster and they fought constantly. He had lost friends and she wanted him home more, but that wasn’t to be. So, they divorced. Hank had dated a few girls since then but nothing serious came of any of it.
Hank and Tiffany strolled into the coffee shop and found a table. Hank held out a chair for her to sit.
“What would you like?” he asked.
“Just a small non-fat vanilla latte.”
“Non-fat?”
“Of course non-fat, I have to watch my weight.”
“Girls!” Hank grinned. He shook his head and walked over to the counter chuckling to himself.
Hank soon returned with the drinks and placed Tiffany’s in front of her.
“Thank you,” she quietly replied.
“My pleasure. How long have you been in New York, Tiffany?”
“About a week.”
“I kind of guessed that.”
“How did you know?”
“A woman like you doesn’t walk down these streets by herself if she’s lived here for very long. Where are you from?”
“Minnesota.”
“How do you like New York City?”
“It’s big. I really don’t know much about it. All I’ve been doing so far is work and sleep.”
“It’s a wonderful city once you get to know it.”
“Well maybe I’ll go site seeing some day when I have some free time.”
“Don’t you ever get time off?”
“So far I haven’t. This is the first modeling job I’ve ever had and the hours are really long.”
“Do you have a boyfriend back home?”
Tiffany felt the hair on the nape of her neck rise.
“No, do you?” she absentmindedly replied with a hint of sarcasm in her tone.
Hank started laughing, “Nope, no boyfriends. Lots of girls, but no boys.”
“I’m sorry. That’s what I meant to say.”
“Boys or girls?”
Tiffany became flustered and Hank saw it. Then a little smile and a giggle later, Tiffany began lightening up.
“Girls, of course, silly.”
Tiffany couldn’t believe she had just said that. She had just made a girlish remark like that without thinking. She hated being a girl and now she had just giggled at what Hank had said and made a girlish remark. Tiffany tried to get angry with herself, but instead, felt a peaceful glow inside.
“I’ve dated lots of girls and was married once, but it didn’t take. Luckily, we didn’t have any children. So the breakup wasn’t that bad.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s ok now though.”
“How long were you married?”
“A little over two years.”
“Why did you breakup?”
“We were fighting all of the time. We married a year before 9/11 and when that happened I had to work a lot of overtime. I lost a lot of friends when the towers collapsed. I was pissed off all the time. It wasn’t fair to have some assholes fly planes into those buildings and then they had to die while trying to save other people’s lives like that. I finally came to realize that I was pissed off at myself because I wasn’t there to help. I had been stationed all the way at the other end of Manhattan Island and there was no way I could have done anything. I had therapy and finally got over it. My wife had left me way before that though. To be perfectly honest, I think we married because it seemed to be the thing to do.”
“We had dated off and on for several years and everyone kept asking when we were going to marry. So one thing led to another and we tied the knot. With us being married it was kind of like, something that was just expected of us. We loved each other but not like a husband and wife. It was just convenience. We parted friends. In fact, she remarried and I went to her wedding. She married a really nice guy and is due with their first baby in December. She’s asked me to be the God-father. Kind of ironic isn’t it?” he said.
Tiffany was silent for a moment wondering what she could say to Hank. He had lived through so much in his short life. He couldn’t be much more than twenty-seven or eight and had lost friends in 9/11 and a wife too. He was to be the God-father to her child. And all of this was striking a chord deep within her soul.
“You must feel very proud?”
“More than you know,” he said. “How has life treated you?”
“There’s nothing to tell, well, at least not like that,” she said.
“Please, I’d like to know more about you.”
“Really there’s nothing to tell. I went to school and when I grew this tall I decided to become a model. Isn’t that what all the tall girls do?” Tiffany said with another giggle.
Why am I giggling so much? Crap! If I don’t stop, this guy will think I’m interested in him.
“You could have played basketball.”
“With these nails?” she giggled.
Stop it! she thought. Stop the freaking flirting! Flirting? I have to get out of here. I can’t do this!
“I really should go now. It’s getting late and I have to be at work early tomorrow. You’ve been really sweet Hank,” she said.
“Thanks for joining me. Most girls don’t want to be seen with a cop in this neighborhood. Next time, though, call for a cab. Because the guy behind you might not be a cop. It’s been a pleasure meeting you Tiffany Rollins. I hope I do see you again.”
“That would be nice,” she responded as she laid her hand on his.
Tiffany’s cheeks went warm. She was blushing and when she noticed her red sculpted nails resting on Hank’s hand, embarrassment began to fill her. She was literally making a move on this guy as her brain was turning to mush. Maria had said to be Tiffany, but this was going too far! She pulled her hand away.
“Good night Hank,” Tiffany said as she turned and walked out into the street.
The cold evening air flowed into her nostrils, clearing her thoughts as she hailed a cab. What in the hell was I thinking of? she wondered. Hank does makes a wonderful friend. He is also the type of guy I could hang out with. Possibly, we could go to the games, or have a couple of beers with, heck, maybe even pickup a couple of girls. And here I was, a girl trying to pick him up instead!!! Tiffany groaned and felt sick as she adjusted herself in the back seat of the cab as it made its way through the New York traffic.
After the events of the day, Brenda felt totally embarrassed. It had to have been so obvious to everyone, except Mario, that she was trying to impress him. Flush with anger, she removed everything she had on after slamming her apartment door shut: clothing, makeup, and tousled her hair to make it less attractive. She found some sweats and put them on and then looked into the mirror. A plain looking woman stared back at her. Not unattractive, and not badly dressed actually, but a woman, none the less. She shook her head and thought, you’ve come a long way Matt Watson, a long, long way!
Brenda slipped on some white cotton ankle socks, white canvas shoes, and then went over next door to visit her best friend.
She was seated at the table and asked, “Annie, I have to ask you something, was it really that obvious I was trying to impress someone when I went to work this morning?”
“Of course it was dear. What’s wrong with that?” she asked.
“I don’t know. I just felt so cheap afterward when I came home.” Brenda quietly answered.
“Why would you feel cheap?”
“I shouldn’t be trying to… well, impressing men.” Brenda said, with embarrassment in her voice.
“Why in the world not? Oh, wait! You don’t have to be ashamed dear. If you’re into girls, well, that’s ok too.”
Brenda stammered a second. Inside, she knew she should be looking at girls. But lately, her desires and wants seemed to be a mass of confusion. Quickly, she blurted out, “Its not like that Annie. He already has a girl friend.”
“Did you ask him out?”
“Good heavens no.”
“Did you throw yourself at his feet?”
“Of course not.”
“Then why do you feel like you did something wrong?”
“Because I wanted him to like me!”
“Do you think he likes you after seeing how you were dressed today?” Annie asked.
“I don’t know, maybe?”
“Maybe?”
“Cheryl said he likes me, but just doesn’t know yet. And besides, he’s already seeing a girl, so really, what chance do I have?”
“There’s no need for that now dear. It’s simple. Just be yourself and be patient. If he likes you, and wants you, he will come to you. If he doesn’t approach you, then it just wasn’t meant to be.”
Brenda sniffled in deeply to keep from choking upon hearing that advice, “Cheryl, well she said it was the first time she had seen him speechless.”
“Tell me then. How did you feel about it when you saw him that way?”
“I’m not sure... exactly. I mean, I could scarcely breathe when he walked through our door today.”
Annie smiled that all knowing motherly grin. “Well it sounds to me as though you like this young man very much.”
Brenda blushed furiously and was speechless. After a moment she admitted in a faint whisper, “Yes...I do.”
“Is he your first?”
“Yes,” she whispered again, “And I don’t know what to do. He has someone already and, and, I’m just so confused.”
“Brenda, honey, don’t worry, it won’t do your looks much good anyway! Look, if it is meant to be, then it will happen! The best piece of advice I can offer you is don’t put all your eggs in one basket. There are other men in the sea, and if one you like asks you out, then go for it dear! The idea is to have fun finding out which man is right for you and enjoy yourself. You never know, you might just find love in the strangest of places.”
“You’re right Annie,” Brenda sighed as she stood up to go,” I’m just being plain silly. I suppose its time to for me to go to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
The two hugged as mother and daughter and Brenda couldn’t hold back her tears any longer.
“Thank you so much Annie. Really! I mean it! Thank you.”
“The pleasure is all mine dear. Now you go have a good night’s sleep!” Annie smiled as she let the woman that would almost be her daughter go. Brenda wiped her tears away and left back towards her apartment sniffling.
Brenda awoke refreshed the next day and was a bit more subdued with her choice of clothing to wear to work. A straight above the knee skirt, a lacy off the shoulder powder blue blouse, three-inch heels and an angora sweater was her look for today. Brenda wasn’t going to look like a slut on the make. But she kept wondering if Mario would notice her?
Brenda arrived at work and let Carla know that she was there. Brenda started a second list of people to be investigated so she could start eliminating people from her first list of suspects. Her first list was one that listed anyone that came through the door. But now she knew who should be investigated.
Ron, what was his last name, the engineer.
Brad, the fed-ex guy.
Mort, DSL.
Jimmy, pizza delivery.
Jack Larsen, who brings, who knows what to Melissa.
Martin Jennings, the investment banker.
Susan Marques , the makeup supplier.
Each person brought in some kind of package whenever they came inside and might be the source of the drugs the girls were using.
Brenda looked over the list again. It wasn’t complete! She didn’t want to add the name. She had to though! But what if he was the one that was the source? It just couldn’t be him. Not him! With much trepidation and sadness, Brenda wrote in the name of Mario Puccinelli, UPS.
Edited by Sephrena Lynn Miller
Runway | Chapter 12: Transformations
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Brenda called her FBI contact, Bill Cline.
“Hi Bill, this is Brenda Watson.”
“Brenda, great to hear from you! Any leads yet?”
“I made a preliminary list of people for you to investigate. I don’t know anything more about them other than the fact they seem to come around more than once a day and they have packages which could be used for drug delivery. How would like for me to get this list to you?”
“There is a small Italian restaurant across from the William Jefferson hotel on fifty-first that would work quite nicely. We can have an excellent dinner and I can see who you have listed to date.”
“What time?”
“Oh, let’s say around seven. Before I forget, what will you be wearing?”
“A black skirt and a lacy white blouse. I’m about five-foot five without heels and have dark hair. See you then,” she said.
“Take care, Brenda,” he finished as she clicked off the receiver and set the phone back down. Brenda stared at the phone for a few moments and was lost in thought. It didn’t help to quell the nervousness she still felt within her.
Brenda was early and entered the restaurant at around six-forty-five and walked to the bar and ordered a Lemon Drop. A false ID from the government certainly had its pluses! She sat so that she could see everyone who entered and that they could also see her.
“I haven’t seen you around here before,” the bartender said as he delivered Brenda’s drink.
“Well…It’s my first time here. Really, I’m just here meeting someone.”
“My name’s Danny,” he said as he extended his hand.
“Nice to meet you. My name is Brenda,” she warmly replied as she took his hand in hers.
“Is it just that you haven’t found this place before, or are you new to the city?” he asked.
Brenda smiled, “I just moved here a couple of weeks ago.”
“Where from?”
“Virginia. I was going to school there.”
“Well, with that education, what sort of work do you do now?”
“I work for a modeling agency.”
Danny’s face wrinkled in a quizzical way of being dumbfounded. Brenda merely smiled as she thought in a moment of inspiration at how men seem to place preconceptions on a woman and how she must live. Why can’t a woman be smart and also do something that she enjoys?
Brenda softly broke his concentration. “How much do I owe you for the drink?”
“Eight dollars.”
She reached into her purse and laid a ten-dollar bill on the bar.
“Keep the change,” she said.
“Thanks.”
Brenda sipped her drink and began wondering what Bill Cline looked like. She knew that a person never looked like the voice on the phone and Bill Cline sounded like a man of Latin extraction; tall, dark and handsome. She let her eyes wander about the room. She found that she liked the bare brick walls and the funky artworks hanging on the walls above the tables. The lighting was dim, kind of romantic and the aroma of olive oil and garlic permeated the establishment. The atmosphere that this place created was cozy and relaxing. Brenda took a sip of her drink and felt the smoothness of her drink and how the taste lingered quite well. “Hmm, I’d better watch how much I drink or it’ll go straight to my head,” she thought.
Brenda heard some noise coming from the doorway. A couple had entered and the hostess seated them at a secluded table. Brenda was drawn to their interaction. “They must be on a first date,” she thought. Brenda, rather amusedly, watched the subtle signals they would pass to the other; she was smiling, he was talking, she would reach across the table and touch his hand and then pull away, lightly dancing on her perfectly done nails. Brenda was so engrossed watching the couple that she didn’t know someone was sitting next to her until a man’s throat cleared.
“Are you Brenda?” he asked.
Brenda about jumped when she heard his voice.
“Yes.”
“I’m Bill Cline. Nice to meet you.” he said extending his hand.
Brenda gently returned the shake. His hand felt cold and damp, almost like a fish! “Yuk!” was all she could think.
“It’s nice to finally meet you Bill,” she said.
Bill Cline wasn’t what Brenda had expected. She had dreamt of a dark Latin lover type, the hero of love novels. Bill wasn’t even close to that. He was maybe five-foot- eight, severely over-weight, and the most noticeable feature was his hair, or lack of. Bill was in his early fifties and time had not been kind to him. He had bags under his light gray eyes, a rather bulbous nose which had turned purple and pockmarked with the consumption of too much alcohol. He had small lips and a face red from the exertion of walking from the cab to the restaurant. Brenda had a hard time keeping from staring at his hair, which was black with gray specks. It had grown long and was combed from one side to the other to cover the total loss at the top of his head. Dandruff specks were very visible on the shoulders of his rumpled dark blue suit.
Bill ordered a drink, a double shot of Jack on the rocks and downed it in two gulps.
“I’ll have another,” he said to Danny.
Danny looked at Bill and then at Brenda, a look of concern was obvious on his face. This couldn’t be a date. A girl like Brenda wouldn’t be caught dead with a slob like the man she was with. Either she was a hooker or this was business. From the look of Brenda it must be the latter he thought. Danny delivered the drink to Bill and gathered the two twenty dollar bills from his hand.
Brenda watched as Bill drank half of his second drink, “God! This guy’s an alcoholic!” she thought.
“Maybe we should get a table and eat something?” she asked.
“Let me finish my drink hon. Then I’ll order one at the table,” he said as the last of the drink slid down his throat.
Bill had drank his cocktails so fast that the alcohol hadn’t reached his blood stream yet so he seemed absolutely coherent as they walked to a table and were seated by the hostess.
“I’d like a double Jack on the rocks please.” he asked the hostess.
“I’ll have your waiter bring it to you,” she said.
“Would you happen to have the list?” he asked Brenda.
“Yes, right here.”
Brenda knew she had better give him the list she had made before the drinks hit him or he would forget he even had it.
“How long will it take to investigate these people?”
“It depends - maybe a month. It shouldn’t take too long,” he answered.
The waiter returned with Bill’s drink and placed it on the table in front of him.
“Would you like another?” asked the waiter indicating to Brenda.
Brenda had barely tasted her drink and shook her head no.
“How thorough is the investigation?” she asked.
“We’ll know what size panties the women wear and how many condoms the guys use,” Bill laughed as the alcohol started to be absorbed into his system.
Brenda noted that Bill seemed outgoing and yet very sad… in a different sort of way. She hoped the alcohol wouldn’t change him too much. She browsed through the menu until a particular dinner entrée appealed to her. Bill was still busy looking through his.
“Are you ready to order?” the waiter asked, surprising her.
“I’d like the Veal Picata,” Brenda answered.
“Soup or salad?”
“Salad please, Balsamic Vinegrette.”
“And you sir?”
Bill lowered his drink from his mouth and looked up from the menu. “I’ll have the Osso Bucco, and hmm, what’s the soup today?”
“Minestrone and Clam Chowder.”
“I’ll take the Chowder.”
“Very good. Would you like another drink sir?” noting that Bill had already finished his glass of bourbon.
“I think we’ll have a bottle of wine. Just send us a good red.”
Brenda was becoming very uneasy with Bill’s alcohol consumption. His first drink was just reaching his brain and the next three were waiting to help him along. And now, wine. “I certainly hope Bill isn’t a nasty when he’s drunk” was all she could think about. Brenda had to do something to keep him from drinking so much.
“Would you like a piece of bread Bill?”
“Sure.”
Brenda buttered a piece of bread and handed it to Bill.
“Thanks.”
“Have you worked for the FBI for very long?” she asked, wanting to have him think instead of drink.
“Long enough to destroy my life,” he answered with a sullen look on his face.
“It destroyed your life?”
“Yes, I lived for this job and then it took everything I had from me: my wife, my home, and my health.”
Brenda didn’t like where this was going, but before she could change the subject Bill continued.
“I gave them everything. I was shot on a stakeout and had to work in the office after that. I hated it and I guess I was pretty miserable at home so my wife found someone else who treated her nicely and it was bye, bye. She got the home so I ended up living in an apartment. I gained a lot of weight and my heart started to fail. I had a by-pass last year. I only have two more years until I retire and then I can do all the things I missed out on.”
The waiter returned with a bottle of wine and poured a small amount for Bill to taste.
“Ah, hell, it tastes fine.”
The waiter poured both Bill and Brenda a glass and left to get their food orders.
Bill got a sad look on his face and looked as though he wanted to say something but as the drinks took effect he couldn’t find his thought, he just felt sad.
“Are you alright?” Brenda asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I was… trying to remember something.”
The waiter served their meals and left.
“You know, we have been trying to find out… about this drug thing… for quite a while,” he said.
“I hope Tiffany and I are able to help.”
“Where is Tiffany? I’d… like to meet her… too.”
“She had a photo shoot.”
“Maybe she can…come next time,” Bill said as the words were starting to slur.
“Can you tell me anything about this investigation so far?” Brenda asked.
“Not really. After Natalia…. was killed… the whole thing went… cold. You’re… our best hope,” Bill said as he filled his glass with more wine.
Bill’s speech was beginning to slur badly and Brenda knew that asking anymore questions would be futile. The rest of the meal was eaten in silence. Bill drank the rest of the bottle of wine and finally finished his dinner. Brenda waited patiently until he was done.
“How does this work? Should I pay you for dinner or what?” she asked.
Brenda was disgusted with Bill. He had come to dinner with her and drank until he was drunk. First he was disgusting to look at and then he did this, drink until he was oblivious to whatever was going on. Brenda wanted to leave and leave now.
“I have… a credit card. Mmm…don’t worry. Government… will pick up the bill.”
“Then I’m leaving. I need to go home.”
Bill could see that Brenda was angry and he knew why. He had made a complete fool of himself.
“Brenda! Please wait! I want to say something… to you.”
“There is nothing to say! I have to leave.”
“Wait, please! I know I drank too much tonight. I don’t blame you… for wanting to leave. Most girls want to leave… when they first see me anyways. I know what I look like… and almost every girl I talk to is short and to the point. Really, they want… nothing to do with me. I walked into this restaurant tonight… saw you sitting at the bar waiting for me… and my stomach dropped. I thought… you’d be repulsed, and, God… this is so hard to say. I thought you…well… wouldn’t want to talk to me. I thought drinking… would help me talk to you. And… and, I know I drank too much. Please…can you forgive me?”
Brenda looked at Bill and felt nothing but sadness for this man. He was so insecure that he felt he had to get drunk to talk to her. She had felt nothing but contempt for him until he had bared his soul. Brenda reached across the table and took Bill’s wrist into her hand.
“Bill, please don’t ever feel that way with me. I just wish you hadn’t drunk so much. I would have very much liked to have been able to talk to you.”
“I’m so… sorry. You have no idea… how I felt… when I saw you. You’re so gorgeous and…. God! I’m such a jerk.”
Brenda knew Bill was feeling sorry for himself, and the booze wasn’t helping. Brenda knew she wanted to go home now.
“Bill, I’ll call you tomorrow. Are you alright enough to get home by yourself?”
“I’ll be… fine.”
Brenda thought better. “Wait here just a minute.”
Brenda went to the bar and asked Danny to call for a cab.
“Is your friend alright?”
“He’ll be fine. Just don’t let him leave without a ride.”
“I won’t. Please come back again. I’d like to buy you a drink.”
Brenda blushed and then said, “I’d like that.”
The taxi arrived and Brenda left after saying goodnight to Bill. She felt bad leaving him but she knew he was able to take care of himself. Brenda really felt bad for Bill. He was a sweet man, but had his priorities screwed up. His insecurities were ruining his life and if he didn’t get a grip on himself, when he retired, he would drink himself to death.
Brenda thought that this evening would be exciting - passing on information about the assignment, being undercover, and all. But this evening didn’t end the way she thought it would. Bill was a drunk and a pathetic person to be around. She felt sad. There was no excitement in passing along information. In fact, just the opposite was true. It was boring. Bill wasn’t the exciting Latin lover she had envisioned. He was only a sad man with a job to do and a drunk besides. Where had she gone wrong she wondered? Where was the gun battle? The skulking? The shadows? Here she was, in a cab riding home, to an empty apartment wondering what she had done wrong. Brenda did have this thing for excitement and became a woman for what? To be an undercover agent saving the world? Hell, she could have done that as a man. Brenda lowered her hand to her leg, her nails grazing her knee. The slippery feel of her nylons on her nails made her think of something else - her femininity. Brenda’s legs were crossed at the knee, her skirt hiked up to mid thigh. She caught the driver occasionally staring at her in the mirror and for some reason she had decided that she liked it — the attention. She felt like a woman: not cheap, nor sluttish, but very attractive. She liked the feel of men’s eyes practically undressing her and caressing her every curve with a blink.
Brenda arrived at home and went to change. She closed the door to her apartment and bumped her chest. Instantly, she felt a bolt of lightning go through her breast! “OUCH!” God! Brenda pulled her top off and slowly massaged her nipple and breast that she had bumped. Now she noticed that both of her nipples were red and swollen out some like they were poking out. Her breasts were puffy and there was a definite hardness of mass behind each. They ached quite a bit and hurt to touch them! Brenda, worried, wondered what to do. Her breasts had never felt like this before! “I’m going to die! I have some sort of cancer!” was all that she could think about. A half an hour later, Brenda had curled under her bed linens, weeping softly. She had made her mind up that she would call the doctor in the morning. To come so far to be herself, only to be stricken down with some hideous disease, was a cruel, cruel fate - one which she did not deserve! Her tears gradually slowed, trickling forth, as she shifted herself to get more comfortable. One last tear from her right eye precariously perched itself upon her cheek and stayed as she faded from consciousness for the refuge of her dreams.
Morning came and Brenda faced another dilemma - what to wear? She was feeling especially girlish today despite her deep worry about her chest. Her breasts still hurt if she touched them. Brenda downed her hormones and continued her search for just the right thing to wear. She found a loose fitting blouse and a short skirt. She then felt the impulse to feel her legs and noticed a small amount of stubble. I’ll have to shave them again. This girl thing is becoming a major amount of work to look nice. Brenda turned on her shower and waited for the water to warm. She entered the shower and lathered up her legs before turning the water off. She slowly drew the razor along their length. Her skin had grown softer and her legs seemed to have accumulated more of a shape, she mused. These changes were exciting her and she loved the feeling. Brenda turned the water on again and rinsed the lather from her legs and soaped her body. When she reached her chest, the water seemed to have taken part of the pain away and only the swelling remained. She was excited that she was growing breasts but this pain had her worried.
Brenda turned off the water and then dried herself. She found a pair of lacy thong panties to slip on. She no longer worried about showing that thing she was becoming to despise as it seemed smaller than she remembered. The hormones had been seeing to that. It had been months since her last erection and she had become very adept at tucking herself in. She slid the panties up her soft smooth legs and shivered at the feeling they generated as they caressed her skin. She kept thinking of how cruel it had been to have been born a man and miss out on wearing clothes like this for most of her life. She found a matching bra and inserted her breast forms in. Brenda noted that they seemed very tight against her breasts, almost uncomfortable. She looked into the mirror and saw that she now had cleavage, not a lot but it definitely was cleavage. She smiled. Today she would wear a blouse that showed off that cleavage. Brenda did her makeup with a dramatic touch - she felt the need to look especially nice. She then rolled a pair of sheer charcoal pantyhose up her legs, loving the way they felt similar to her sensual experience with her panties this morning, very sexy. Brenda, then nagged with a thought of something out of place, looked through her clothing again and then changed her mind. She would wear a skirt to mid thigh, a camisole, and her Ann Taylor blazer which matched that skirt. Her black four-inch sandals finished the look.
It was a warm autumn morning for this time of year so Brenda didn’t need a coat to ward off the cold. She stood waiting for the subway train to arrive and started to feel a little uneasy. Everyone’s eyes seemed to be on her, men and women. Brenda looked around and wondered what was wrong.
“That outfit seems to accent your charming looks quite well young lady,” the old woman next to her said.
“Thank you very much,” Brenda shyly replied. Now she knew why people were staring. She was gorgeous. She stood out like a rose in a field of thistles. Brenda didn’t know whether to smile or hide her head from the embarrassment. The arriving train made the decision for her. She boarded the car quickly and remained standing. Her skirt was short enough and sitting would just make her situation worse. She was seemingly becoming very self-conscious as of late. Men that passed her as she continued on would rub themselves against her trying to cop a feel. By the time she reached her destination she felt thoroughly violated. Why do men think they can do things like that to me? she wondered. Brenda felt dirty inside and frowned.
She entered the lobby of her building and the security guard looked up and smiled.
“You look exceptionally pretty today Miss Watson,” he said.
Brenda blushed, “Thank you Steve.”
The compliment lifted her spirits up some and she couldn’t help but smile again.
Brenda entered her office and called Carla to announce her arrival. She sat down at her desk and crossed her legs at the knee and slipped one leg behind the other at her ankle. She loved the feeling of her nylon clad legs as they rubbed against each other. She felt her heart beat increase when she rubbed her nails down her thigh to her knee. It was very arousing! Earth to Brenda! Regain control, or it will be a long day!
Everyone that entered the suite complimented Brenda on her stunning looks today.
“Brenda, you are looking better each day. How do you do it?” Melissa asked.
“I don’t.”
“Yes you do! You’re positively gorgeous today! I just wish you were a little bit taller so I could hire you as a model.”
“Stop it. Please. You’re going to make me blush.”
“You’re a beautiful woman Brenda. Be proud of that. I’m actually glad you wore something nice today, I forgot to tell you that we are going to attend a party at the mid-town galleries this evening, so I hope you haven’t made plans already. The girls will be modeling several different clothing lines and I’ll need you to help get them ready and to mingle with the guests. I hope you don’t mind?”
“Of course not Miss Benson.”
“Stop being so formal with me, will you? Call me Melissa.”
“Yes, Melissa.”
“Good. And I love that camisole.”
“Thank you.”
Melissa entered her office and Brenda saw the light go on that indicated she was talking on her private line. The light went off and then Brenda heard Melissa’s cell phone ring. She couldn’t hear the conversation, but Melissa exited her office thirty minutes later.
“Brenda, I’m meeting my date for tonight and I’m going to pick out a suit for him to wear this evening. I want him to look perfect with my dress. I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”
“Okay Melissa.”
Fifteen minutes later Mario entered the suite and laid several packages on the receiving table.
“Could you sign this Brenda?” he said as he handed her the signature board.
Mario looked at Brenda and didn’t smile or even acknowledge the fact the she looked very nice. Brenda knew that subconsciously she had done this for Mario. She was really smitten by this man. She knew he wasn’t available, but it didn’t hurt to make him notice her either. It made her feel good when he complimented her.
“Well a good morning to you too Mister Mopey face,” she said.
Mario was in a funk - that was obvious! But why, she didn’t know. Even on the darkest of days he had a smile always reserved for Brenda.
“I’m sorry Brenda. I’m not in a very good mood today.”
“Why, what happened?”
“My girl friend broke up with me last night.”
Brenda’s stomach jumped and then she asked, “Why would she do that?”
“She has been seeing another guy on the side and decided to dump me. I thought we had something special going on, but I guess I was wrong.”
Brenda stood up and walked around her desk standing directly in front of Mario. Mario really hadn’t noticed Brenda through his anger, but now, as she came into focus, he saw what a beautiful woman she really was. Brenda had always been just another girl to flirt with and tease - after all he was already in love with his precious girlfriend. He may have flirted, but he really only had eyes for her. Mario now looked at Brenda’s flawlessly made up face and suddenly realized that he was looking at her for the very first time! Brenda was cute, very cute. But she had an inner beauty that shown in the twinkle of her eyes. Those eyes! Damn! He could fall into them and never want to come back out again. He looked down and saw the barest amount of cleavage peeking above her camisole and then farther down to her trim waist, to her rounded hips and then to her curvaceous legs. Mario had never looked at Brenda like this before and he saw a woman that was exciting him like no other woman had ever done before.
“Oh Mario, I’m so sorry for you,” she said as she reached out and touched his hand.
Maybe it was static electricity or something else that made Mario jump. But Brenda’s touch had made him feel wonderful.
“Don’t feel sorry Brenda, I’ll get over it. I mean, I’m very sorry I didn’t notice you when I came in this morning. You look beautiful.”
“I do? Well, thank you. I’m glad you noticed.”
“I have a lot of deliveries to make today, but I would be honored if you would have lunch with me.”
“You’re asking me to lunch?” Brenda couldn’t believe her ears. She had dreamed of a moment like this and it had finally arrived!
“Yes, I am. Would you?”
“I’d be honored. Come by when you can. Carla will cover my desk while I’m gone.”
“See you then Brenda. And thanks.”
“For what?”
“For just…being you.”
Brenda couldn’t respond to that. Her mouth wouldn’t move. All she could do was blush.
After Mario left, Brenda regained enough of her senses to remember that she needed to call her doctor to voice her concern about her breasts.
“Doctor, the reason I called you is that my chest is really hurting lately.”
”Let me get your chart, ah here it is. Yes, I imagine they do, from what I can see here is that your previous doctor put you on a low amount of estrogen so your body would get used to it and to produce feminine curves but not so great as to destroy your masculinity. You have had some development as a female, mostly in your hip area and a small amount of breast growth. You had asked me for larger natural breasts so I increased your estrogen dosage slightly and added progesterone to make that happen. I can guess it jump started breast tissue growth within you. You’re becoming a young woman Brenda and because of your age it should happen quite rapidly. You’ve probably lost the function of your male parts by now. Hormones will do that to you, you know. I would recommend the removal of your testes in the near future and that way we could stop the anti-androgens which would be much better for your body.”
“How long will it be before I can throw away my breast forms?”
“That all depends on your body. All girls develop differently whether they were born that way, or as in your case, a girl that is transitioning.”
“Transitioning?”
“Yes, that’s what you are doing isn’t it? Becoming a woman?”
“I guess I am. I really haven’t given it much thought. I just know I want breasts.”
“Brenda, you’re scaring me. There’s a hell of a lot more to what you’re doing than just growing breasts. The hormones you’re taking are going to change you more than just making then grow - your whole body is going to change! Your mind won’t ever be the same after this and you probably won’t even think like a man ever again. They can change your sexuality and it may not wind up being what you think. Whichever way you do end up as in sexuality, there is no correct way. You will just have to accept and embrace what happens. These aren’t things you play with Brenda. You really need to be absolutely sure that this is the direction you want to go.”
“More than anything, I am sure: this is what I want.”
“Well, it’s your decision to make, and we did promise to do whatever you wished when you started this thing, I wish you luck Brenda, and don’t worry about the discomfort in your breasts, at least yet. If the pain does not alternate back down and up a few times to a dull ache and it stays sharp, or if you feel and lumps or masses other than right behind the nipples, then feel free to come in anytime. Those would be signs of something unusual. After about 4 more months, we will need to begin setting you for regular breast exams too, another fact of every woman’s life as breasts need to be constantly watched upon for changes. Tell you what, come see me in the office in three weeks and I’ll take a look at you and see if I should back off on your HRT levels.”
“Thank you doctor.”
Brenda felt better about her chest, but now, the doctor had planted the seed of doubt in her mind. Was what she was doing the right thing? Or was it just another adventure Matt always jumped into without the thought of the consequences? Brenda loved the feel of her small but developing breasts but she really hadn’t thought about the rest of what she was doing. Was her lunch date with Mario just a way to prove to herself her femininity or was she REALLY attracted to him? Was her brain changing like the doctor said it would? Did she really want to become the woman she portrayed? Or did she just have a fascination with breasts or would she really want to keep them? After all, they were forever unless she had them cut off. What about the rest of what he had said - remove her testes. Just a nice way of saying cut off your balls. Ouch! Just the thought of that gave Brenda a cold shiver down her spine.
Brenda began thinking hard about what she was doing. The agency had tried to make her appear to be a woman, as a disguise. She loved the way she felt as she had gone through it too. It was exciting. She also knew that she wasn’t Matt any longer either. She really WAS Brenda, now, and she was pretty sure she wanted to stay that way - forever. She was looking at gender from the other side of the fence, but now, it was becoming serious. Certain hard decisions were coming up fast and soon, she would have to make some life altering decisions. THIS was DEFINITELY not a game anymore - this was about the rest of her life!
The recording message of hanging up and dialing again from having held the phone off the hook too long interrupted her train of thought. Brenda gently lowered the phone and placed it back onto its cradle. She didn’t feel so good anymore, she absolutely had doubts about what she was doing and needed more time to think on it. She thought of the time she had gone out and ended up kissing — no, the right description was almost raping that guy, just to prove to herself that she was a woman and someone worthwhile. Worthwhile? Of course I’m worthwhile. Aren’t I? I feel SO, so stupid! What a fool I am! she thought. She finally realized that she was truly playing a dangerous game with her life.
Brenda had jumped into this assignment with her eyes wide shut. She had persuaded Dirk to go along with her optimism, thinking that this would be fun thing. But now, it had become a real life issue, at least for herself. And she no longer knew whether she was thinking rationally about her situation or if she delusional from her inner desires and fantasies. She wanted breasts. Yes! And she wanted to see Mario again. Yes! In a romantic, situational way too. Yes! And yet, she now had this nagging thought in her mind that what she was doing was wrong. Hmmm! This girl thing was fine as long as she didn’t forget that she was Matt. But, what she was doing? Why was she even becoming Brenda? And now she wasn’t so sure if THAT was the right thing to do anymore. Dammit! Why the hell did she have to call the doctor? Everything was so simple before. Be a girl, have breasts, date the guy, just do what every red blooded American girl does. Except that, she wasn’t a girl… at least not yet. Fuck! Why did I make that call?
Tiffany walked in and interrupted a motionless Brenda, deep in thought.
“Wow, you look really nice today,” Tiffany said.
Startled, Brenda caught herself, and regained her composure. “Thanks.”
“Are you going to the show tonight,” Tiffany asked.
“Melissa just told me about it. I guess I’ll have to go, it’s not like I have anything else to do,” Brenda answered with sarcasm in her voice.
“My goodness didn’t we get off on the wrong side of the bed this morning?”
“I’m sorry. I have some really important issues to deal with and… Crap! I really need someone to talk to.”
Tiffany, seeing the seriousness on Brenda’s face, volunteered, “How about me?”
“Ok. Maybe tonight after the party. And if I do spill, please! don’t be judgmental.”
“I won’t, I promise.”
The morning passed away somewhat quickly after that and Mario finally arrived to take Brenda to lunch.
“Hey good looking! Almost ready to go?”
“I guess.”
Mario’s smile subsided. “Wow, what happened to you Miss Sunshine?”
“I’m sorry, but I’m having a really bad day.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Maybe... I’m not sure if I really can… or should.”
“Hey, you don’t have to go to lunch with me, if you don’t want to.”
“It’s not that Mario. Please. Don’t get me wrong. I really do WANT to have lunch with you. I’m just afraid I might be bad company is all.”
“Come on. Let’s go then. You’re cute enough you couldn’t possibly be bad company.”
Brenda couldn’t help herself, she stood and smiled at Mario. He always had a way of making her feel better about herself. It must be that sexy smile she thought.
Mario watched as Brenda walked toward him, her legs seemed to go on forever as she perched on her heels. Brenda had an athletic figure, not voluptuous but trim, it seemed to fit her like a glove. He wondered why he hadn’t noticed her before? She really was a stunning looking girl.
“What are you hungry for?” he asked.
“You,” she instantly thought and sighed. Continuing with the menu, she realized that she couldn’t make up her mind for the type of food she felt like having, she sighed. ”Anything would be fine.”
“I only have a half of an hour. How about a pizza? There is a place right around the corner that sells different varieties by the slice.”
“That sounds good to me. Let’s head there.”
Mario took Brenda’s hand and led her to the elevator. Her head told her to pull it away from him but her heart said to hold it tighter. He finally let of her hand when they had reached the Pizza Delight restaurant.
Mario ordered a slice for the each of them and led Brenda to an empty table. Brenda lowered herself and tried to pull her skirt down with little success. She knew she would leave little doubt as to the beauty of her legs. Mentally, again, she sighed in a slight frustration.
Mario took Brenda’s hand back into his and asked, “Ok dear. What was bothering you earlier?”
Brenda’s eyes travelled from her held hand up to his face.
“Some internal issues I’m having. Really though, I think I’ll work them out. It’s just right now they seem tremendous to me. What about you Mr. Mopey? You seem a bit more cheerful this afternoon.”
“I was still thinking about that bitch… dumping me… this morning. After I saw you, well….you changed my whole outlook on things.”
“What do you mean by that? I didn’t scare you too did I?” Brenda giggled.
“You’ve got to be kidding. You’re gorgeous today.”
“Thank you, it takes a lot of work to look like this.”
“You could show up with ragged torn clothing and drenched in mud and still be look cute. Don’t undersell yourself.”
Brenda smiled and looked down at the tabletop.“You’ll make me blush if you keep saying things like that!”
“It would look good on you too! Ah, they’re ready. Stay here, I’ll grab the pizza.”
Brenda was glad Mario offered to pick up the pizza slices. She didn’t want to have to try to keep her skirt pulled down more than once today. I’ll have to remember to wear a longer one next time, she mused.
Mario returned and placed the slice in front of Brenda. Steam was pouring off the slice and the abundant cheese was running off onto the paper beneath it.
“Mmm, that smells so good,” she stated.
“Let it cool a little or you’ll burn the top of your mouth.”
”Tell me more about your girlfriend. Why did she dump you?”
“She was seeing another guy the entire time she was dating me. The worst part of this is that he was a friend of mine. We played on the same softball team.”
“I’m sorry. Why do you think she choose him over you.”
“He asked her to marry him.”
“Did she date him long?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t even know she was seeing him. And I don’t think he knew about me. Jim isn’t the kind of guy that tries to steal another guy’s girlfriend.”
“Have you talked to him about it?”
“No. And I don’t think I will. It wouldn’t be fair to him. I’m just angry at Jessica for doing this to me.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Find someone nicer than her and bring that someone to their wedding. Do you have any plans for later next year?” flirted Mario.
“Now I know what Cheryl meant. You are the worst, Mario,” she laughed.
Brenda’s pizza had finally cooled enough for her to attempt to eat it. She took a bite. Mmmm! They do make the best pizza here! she thought as the flavors invaded her mouth.
“Are you saying I’m rushing things?”
“You silly goose. You don’t even know me, and you’re asking me to go to a wedding with you?”
“Okay. I guess I rushed things a little. Would you go out to dinner with me instead?”
“I’d like that. When were you thinking of?”
“Is this Friday too soon?”
“That would be perfect. What should I wear to it?”
“Something casual. We’ll go for a burger and then watch the Knicks play ball.”
“What’s the Knicks?”
“Our basketball team. It’ll be fun.”
Brenda finished a third of her pizza slice and wrapped it in her napkin to eat later.
“Is that all you’re going to eat?” Mario incredulously asked as he finished off his slice.
“I’m full. I’ll finish it later.”
“You’ll waste away to nothing if you don’t eat.”
“I put weight on just breathing air. I don’t want to get fat.”
“You ready to go?”
Mario wiped his hands off dry with a napkin and Brenda did the same. He reached down and helped Brenda to her feet. Damn! She has nice legs! he thought as her skirt lifted almost to her panties.
Brenda blushed and reached down to pull her skirt back down to a decent level, it was thrilling to expose her legs this way but she knew nice girls didn’t do this. And she was a nice girl. I’ll have to wear something less daring next time I come to work, or I won’t be a nice girl for very long.
Brenda placed her wrapped pizza slice in her purse and was surprised when Mario took her hand again as they started walking back to her office. His hand felt rough and strong. It was the hand of a man that worked hard for a living. His hand made her feel safe and protected as they walked. Mario liked the feel of Brenda’s hand in his. It was small and petite, soft…it was making him forget all about Jessica. Brenda was a special girl and he was beginning to find out that he really liked her.
“When I get back to the office, I’ll give you my address. What time will you be by Friday night?”
“The game doesn’t start until eight and the burger place is near the garden and I’d like to spend some time with you before the game. So I’ll pick you up around five if that’s alright?”
“I’ll be ready.”
Brenda wrote down her address on a piece of paper and handed it to Mario.
“Thank you so much for lunch,” she genuinely smiled.
“You’re welcome. Anytime you’d like to go again, just let me know.”
“I will.”
That afternoon passed quickly and it was time to go to the party at the artist’s gallery. Brenda and the models were taken to the building in a van that seated all of them. Brenda finally realized that she might have some time tonight to talk to her friend.
The gallery was located in an old warehouse that had been converted to a high end gallery. The gallery was located on the second floor of the building. Great care was taken to keep the feel of the original building. Cast iron stairs with worn marble treads led to the second floor, which had the original flooring. The wood had been sanded and varnished to a luxurious shine and the brick walls were sandblasted to a clean rough finish. Paintings were hung on the walls and various partitions were placed about the floor with more paintings on display. The showing wasn’t going to start for another hour, so the girls would have time to get ready for the fashion show.
Various designers had sent samples of their current lines to be seen. They ran the gamut from business to dressy or casual to sexy. It was going to be quite a night!
Brenda wanted to spend some time with Tiffany, as they really hadn’t had much time to talk since Tiffany had been hired. Tonight would be a good time for them to become friends, so when they were seen talking, a red flag wouldn’t go up.
“Hi Tiffany. Let me help you set up your wardrobe for the show,” Brenda smiled.
“Thanks, I’d like that.”
“What are you going to wear first?”
“I think they want to go with the more conservative suits first and then work toward the more sexy items. Brenda, you look really different… almost stunning.” Tiffany said. Then a look of shock hit her face as she realized why. Tiffany moved closer and whispered, “You have cleavage! Damn! How did you manage that?”
Brenda lowered her eyes and softly answered, “My hormones are kicking in and my breasts are growing.”
“What? I’m not going to grow breasts, am I?” Tiffany asked with obvious concern in her voice.
“No Tiffany, you won’t. Not unless you want to. That’s sort of what I wanted to talk to you about earlier. There is no easy way to say this… other than to just come out with it. I’m not Matt anymore… I haven’t been, really, for some time. I’m Brenda. And… I have already begun transitioning… into a woman.”
Tiffany looked at Brenda in stunned silence. This assignment had just gone beyond some casual undercover work. It fucked up her friend!!!
“You’re right Brenda, we DO NEED to talk!!! And I mean right after the show!!!! You’re coming home with me and staying the night! This is… damn!”
Brenda’s friend looked at her like she had just died and was missing her already. Brenda understood what Tiffany was feeling and felt bad now that she saw the emotions playing across Tiffany’s face. Brenda was really sorry, now that she had upset her friend with her revelation.
“Okay… I’d like that.”
Brenda hung the fashions in order for Tiffany and then went to help Connie.
“You should have helped me first Brenda! I’m the star here!” Connie admonished Brenda in a condescending voice.
“I’m sorry Connie. I was trying to get to know Tiffany better. I’ll remember for the next time,” Brenda answered. “What a bitch!” she thought fumingly.
“I’ll be right back. I have to go to the little girl’s room,” Connie huffed.
Brenda sorted Connie’s fashions and was done by the time that Connie had returned. Brenda noticed a trace of white powder under her nose and that she seemed to be in a better mood.
“Connie, you’d better wipe under your nose or people will know what you were doing.”
Connie turned scarlet with embarrassment. She had just been busted and, even worse, by the receptionist. This could get ugly.
“Don’t worry Connie, I’m cool with it. Where did you get it from?” Brenda asked.
“It was in my purse. Would you like to try some?”
“No thank you, I can’t.”
Brenda had to put Connie at ease about her drug use or she might blow her own cover if she was judgmental.
“Why not? It will make you feel good.”
“I really can’t. I’m allergic to it. I tried it in high school and my heart stopped. Luckily one of my friends knew what to do until the ambulance arrived or I would be dead.”
“You poor thing, can’t you do anything else? Like grass or meth?”
“I’m afraid to try. So all I ever do is have a drink.”
“Well at least that’s better than nothing at all. Did I tell you that you look really nice today?”
“No. But thanks.” Brenda smiled back.
“I’d love to borrow that skirt and heels someday, if it would be all right?”
“Connie wants to borrow my clothes?” Brenda thought,” How much more girly can I get than that? Another girl wants to borrow my clothes?” Brenda wanted to hug herself and she decided Connie wasn’t such a bitch after all.
The show started and Brenda stayed behind the changing partition to help the other girls dress. They would wear an outfit and walk around the room mingling with the guests answering questions about the clothing they were wearing The usual walk on the runway would last maybe a minute at the most, but these walks were lasting for more than ten minutes each and the girls were returning out of order so things were getting hectic.
“Brenda, please pay attention to which girl is returning. We’re falling behind,” Melissa said.
Melissa had just arrived with her date and went behind the partition to help Brenda.
“I’m sorry Melissa. I thought I had everything in order.”
”Don’t worry. I’ll help you. You take those four racks and I’ll take these three, we’ll be done in no time.”
“Thanks Melissa. You look absolutely stunning tonight as well.”
Melissa did look stunning in her Versaci gown, She had borrowed it from one of her prized customers and here she was working right along with Brenda in a dress that must have cost five thousand dollars.
“Who’s your date Melissa? He’s very handsome.”
“Oh that’s Gerald Bratton. When I need a date, I ask him to take me. We’re just friends. He’s the head of the drug enforcement unit for the NYPD.”
“Oh.”
Now Brenda knew what was meant by keeping your enemies closer! Melissa would know right from the horse’s mouth, so to speak, what, where, and when the drug unit was going to do anything. No wonder she had never been busted!
The girls donned their last outfits and went to converse with the guests. Tiffany wore a pair of brown four-inch sandals, nude sheer panty hose, mid thigh brown leather miniskirt, a beige camisole and a matching brown leather vest. She looked absolutely hot and when she saw herself in the mirror, she knew she would have trouble with the male guests. She was exceptionally tempted to ask for a date with her image in the mirror. Sigh! If only…
“God Tiffany! I’m really jealous! You just… outshine the rest of us mere mortals!” Brenda giggled to her friend. “I’m sorry. You really are beautiful tonight.”
“Don’t be. It’s not all that great having guys falling all over themselves for you.”
“I don’t know about that…” Brenda giggled again.
“You’re going to have trouble yourself little girl. You look really hot yourself tonight.”
“I doubt it, not with all you girls in the room. No one will even see me.”
“They’ll see you, believe me,” Tiffany whispered again, “If I was Dirk right now, I’d be after you in a heartbeat! So don’t sell yourself short.”
Brenda blushed as a moment of weirdness seized her. When Tiffany said what she did about being Dirk and being attracted to her, her stomach tingled some with a fluttering feeling. She felt a mixture of her friendship with Dirk being mixed with an enjoyment of him paying attention to and wanting her, even disguised here as Tiffany. Brenda found herself shocked and feeling good at the same time. Now things were getting really strange!
Tiffany and Brenda entered the gallery and began to mingle. A tall and very handsome man came to talk to Tiffany.
“I was watching you all night young lady. You paled the other models by far in comparison. Your beauty and grace seem so much more refined than the others.”
This man had extraordinarily good looks and was dressed impeccably. He was turning heads wherever he went. Tiffany hadn’t noticed him earlier nor did she care to notice him right now. After all, he was just a man. And she had no use for a man. Tiffany felt her face begin to warm. My God! I’m blushing! I don’t believe It! This guy is actually making me blush! I can’t be turned on by a guy!
“Thank you… but you must be blind! The others…they really are so much prettier,” Tiffany stammered. She couldn’t believe she had just said that. SHE was asking for a compliment and even more unsettling SHE was flirting!
“There was no doubt that you were the star tonight. You were turning heads every time you appeared. May I ask what your name is?”
“Tiffany, Tiffany Rollins.”
Tiffany wanted to say more but she was dumbstruck by her inability to talk to this man. Her brain was slow to process and her throat wouldn’t seem to allow the air up to her mouth for her to speak.
“I’m Robert Stanton. I’m very pleased to meet you. Would you like to join me for a glass of wine?”
Before Tiffany could think, her mouth uttered, “Yes, please. I would like that very much.”
What in the world? Oh SHIT! Tiffany cringed in horror inside her mind. Oh my Gawd!! Think before you talk! Damn it! Damn! Damn! Remove your hand from Robert’s arm now! You can escort yourself to the wine bar. Walking arm in arm, with this man, will send the wrong impression to others! Not to mention — ME!
A voice startled her.
“What would you like Tiffany, white or red?”
“I’ll have white please.”
Robert handed Tiffany a glass of chardonnay and then escorted her to look at the paintings. Robert was quite knowledgeable about the various artist’s works which were on display and dazzled Tiffany with historical information relating to each painting and commentary of the artists and the brush styles. Tiffany had become mesmerized by Robert without even realizing it. His soft melodious voice, good looks, and all the information she was learning about the paintings, was making her warm inside and a feeling of being safe and very secure in the presence of this man coursed throughout her body. She eventually found herself leaning into him as he spoke. The alcohol had allowed her relax to the whole man - woman thing. Tiffany enjoyed the warmth radiating from Robert’s body as they strolled the gallery together arm in arm looking much like a couple.
“Oh Robert! What a beautiful painting,” Tiffany gushed.
It was a painting of a man and woman shown looking across a lake from their rear. The woman was wearing a virginal white dress and the man was wearing dark clothing of the era, probably the 1700’s. They were holding hands… a most romantic pose.
“Yes it is. It’s one of my favorites.”
Tiffany was drawn into the painting. The couple intrigued her: Who were they? Why did the romance of the painting make her feel as though she was there? Tiffany moved closer to Robert and was overcome with a desire to feel his manliness - she wanted to feel like the girl in the picture!
Robert looked at Tiffany and knew that now was the moment he had waited all night for. He turned her head toward his with his finger and saw that her red lips were slightly parted waiting to be touched. He lowered his lips to hers and until they softly touched. They kissed with a real passion! Tiffany involuntarily responded and melted within his grasp. This is heaven! she thought. The feel of the softness of her skin against his strong hair covered arms as he held her and the feel of the slight growth of beard touching her face while they were enraptured was sensually overwhelming her poor brain! She pictured herself as the woman in the painting being kissed by the man she loved. Their lips parted and then Tiffany slowly stared up into his eyes. She found herself panting, flush and seeing little stars within her vision as her senses still reeled. Not a word was spoken. Tiffany pulled herself up against his chest again and reached up with her wanting lips. She had found an unknown hunger had seized her in its grips and she had to explore what was happening to her! Reason was soon lost, however, as this desire within her took over. They kissed again and again. Their second session lasted much longer than their first and they finally parted lips, temporarily satiated, but knowing that they must have been putting on quite a show for the other attendees.
Tiffany opened her eyes and brought her hand to her lower lip as she looked around the gallery and saw the smirks and smiles of those who saw the expression of love the couple had displayed. Tiffany felt very embarrassed for being so open with Robert. She was now thoroughly confused! A pang of love, Yes Love!, and she was liking this feeling a lot. But he is a MAN! With this love she was feeling towards this man and the fact that she had kissed him so very openly and had initiated their second round herself, made her stop. What would people think? They really weren’t a couple. Not yet, anyway, she thought as her mind returned to the painting and she took his hand in hers while she stared deeply into the picture and pondered what had just happened. She looked down and saw her long dainty fingers and red nails intertwined with his strong bulky manicured hands. This just seemed so natural, so perfect together. It was like it was meant to be with her at his side as she was frail and smaller in comparison beside him - lovers, hand in hand. Tiffany let a sigh pass her lips. She was in love.
Just as suddenly as Tiffany had fallen in love, Dirk surfaced fast and broke spell. What in the hell am I doing? What THE FUCK??? he thought. SHIT! Oh Gawd Oh Gawd! I just kissed a man!! NO! NO! I kissed him TWICE… and now I’m holding his hand!!! IM GONNA DIE!!! Tiffany suddenly pulled her hand from Roberts’ and pulled both her hands to her chest and said, “I need to go… to the bathroom.”
Tiffany was in a near run for the door and threw it open. She slammed a stall door open, looked down and began heaving up the wine she drank. A man KISSED me!!! FUCK! What’s happening to me?!! She began sobbing and trying to wipe the mess from her mouth and chin. I’m so fucking messed up, I don’t know who I am or WHAT I am anymore! Tiffany rolled over to sit on the floor and repeatedly banged the back of her head against the stall’s wall and she started to cry harder.
Brenda looked around and did not see Tiffany anywhere. After a guest mentioned she had seen her run for the bathroom, Brenda came to find her. She had been in there for over ten minutes and Robert was beginning to worry.
Brenda wasn’t prepared for what she found in the bathroom. Tiffany had her legs curled under her, crying uncontrollably - her face red to the point of being almost purple! She was shaking and banging her head against the stall slowly. Brenda dropped to the floor and pulled her against her chest to stop her from banging her head. Ignoring the smell of the bile, Brenda began cooing and consoling her once staunch buddy, the one who had been the stronger willed of the two of them, who was now her best girlfriend.
“Tiffany you’re going to be alright. Just let it out.” Brenda continued as she held her. She could tell her friend had just experienced something horrible and would wait however long it was necessary to find out just what had happened. Some more minutes later, Tiffany slowed her crying and sniffles down.
“Tiff. What happened?” Brenda looked with a loving concern in her eyes at Tiffany’s.
Tiffany brought her arm to her face and wiped away some more of her tears.
“Are you alright for real Tiff? Please… tell me something!”
Tiffany suddenly glared with a look of pure hatred.
“NO! I’m not alright! THAT…that MAN! THAT Robert! Hhh-hh-he kissed ME!!.”
“He kissed you? Is that all?”
“IS THAT ALL? Obviously YOU didn’t HEAR me, HE KISSED ME!!!”
“Well… what’s wrong with that?”
“SHIT, Brenda, you’re sick!!! Brenda… Unlike you, I’m a MAN. And kissing another man just isn’t right!! I just feel sick that I let it happen.”
Brenda leaned back and smiled, “God he’s so handsome I wish he would kiss me!”
Tiffany gave her a weird look as Brenda continued, “Tiffany, right now you’re a woman - and not a man. Robert doesn’t know you are a man undercover and you shouldn’t feel any guilt as to what happened. You should feel wonderful to have a man like that want you. It’s part of the role and part of our mission. You’re a woman now Tiffany. Just play the part and try to go with the flow. Its not forever, and it won’t be permanent. I promise you! Try and go back out and enjoy your evening.”
“But I’m not a girl! I don’t want to be a girl! I HATE all this deception BS! I want to go back to being Dirk. I want the hell out of here!”
“You know you can’t! Not until this assignment is over. If you try and act like Dirk, you will be killed. Damn! Let yourself go! Be Tiffany in heart and soul. I’m not going to let you just throw away your life!”
Tiffany raised her face to look up at Brenda.
“Since when did you become the sensible one?”
“Since I became a woman: A real woman — inside.”
“Do I have to kiss Robert again?” Tiffany sniffed.
“Only if you want to. If you don’t, then just let him know in a gentle way that you can’t. Now come on silly girl, your world awaits.”
Brenda stood up and reached down and helped Tiffany stand up. After Brenda assisted Tiffany in cleaning herself up, the two girls returned back into the gallery. Tiffany had repaired her makeup and the little actress was all smiles once again. There were no more kisses that night. Tiffany couldn’t bring herself to do that again. But there was a spark that Robert had lit in her heart for him, a feeling which she couldn’t resist and fight right now. She would have to deal with it later.
The party ended and Brenda followed Tiffany home for their soul-baring discussion.
“I like your apartment. It’s definitely cozy!” Brenda said as she looked around the front room.
The FBI had provided Tiffany with a very nice apartment, nicer than Brenda’s. And it was in a much nicer area.
“I like it, but I do miss my place back home.”
“Do you mean that dump you were living in before this assignment?”
“Hey, it wasn’t a dump!”
“If living in a laundry hamper isn’t a dump, then I don’t know what is!”
Dirk had a bad habit of throwing things everywhere, especially his clothes, when he was living in Virginia. Matt had always reprimanded him on what a slob he was and usually found himself picking up Dirk’s messes. Tiffany’s apartment was different though. It was as though a different person lived there: everything was in its place, no clothes were strewn about - in fact it looked as though it had been dusted. That was something Dirk would have never done!
“I don’t know what happened. I moved in here. I just couldn’t let it look bad. What girl could?”
“Did you say girl?”
“You know what I mean. I just couldn’t let it be dirty.”
“How’s your part of the investigation going? Have you found out anything yet?” Brenda asked.
“No. Not really. I haven’t been here long enough. What about you?”
“I’ve found out a couple of things. I made a list and gave it to Cline for investigation and Connie uses drugs.”
“How do you know that?”
“She had white powder under her nose after a trip to the restroom.”
“It figures. No wonder she’s such a bitch!”
“I don’t know the rest of the girls very well yet. But it might be easier for you to get information from them than it would be for me.”
“Anyone else that may be of interest?”
“Just supposition. Ron, the engineer, spends way too much time on our floor and much of it with Melissa. Some of the delivery guys may be bringing drugs in with their packages.”
“Speaking of delivery guys, the buzz is that you’re seeing Mario the UPS guy.”
Brenda turned bright red, betraying any thought of possibly lying about her feelings for Mario. She sat down on the sofa opposite of Tiffany.
“It’s nothing. We just went to a single lunch.”
“He told Donna you were going to go to the basketball game with him. Are you?”
Brenda hung her head down and sheepishly admitted, “Yes.”
“Matt!! What the hell are you thinking of? You could compromise this investigation!”
“DON’T call me Matt! PLEASE! He’s gone. Just gone. He doesn’t exist…not anymore... I’m Brenda now.”
“You’re not Brenda! You’re Matt! Brenda is just a charade for this assignment and you’d better not forget that! When this is over, Brenda is going away!!!”
Brenda’s eyes filled with tears when she heard those harsh words coming from someone whom was supposed to be her best friend.
With her eyes spilling two tiny streams of warm water, Brenda choked out, “You obviously didn’t hear me! In the bathroom. Tonight. I am a woman. I became a woman — inside. I am now a she!” Brenda paused trying to stifle back choking. “I AM Brenda! I LOVE being Brenda! I love BEING a woman!” she said as the tears that had run down her face, dripped onto her legs.
Now Tiffany really felt like shit! She had just made her best friend cry and only because she had decided that they both hated being girls. Tiffany went over to Brenda, sitting down beside her on the couch, and took her in her arms and held her while she wept openly.
“I’m so sorry Brenda. Damn! I just… I didn’t know you felt that way.”
“Well I do,” she replied indignantly.
“I thought you were kidding earlier when you said you wanted to transition.”
“I wasn’t.”
The reality of what Brenda was saying now hit Tiffany with full force.
“You weren’t kidding about your breasts either than, were you?”
Brenda looked into her friends eyes with a deep conviction, ”No, I wasn’t. I want breasts. I want everything. I want to be on the outside who I am on the inside… all of it! I am a woman.”
Tiffany let her friend go and stood. She backed away, turned around, and looked at Brenda again with a new look in her eyes.
“Brenda could you stand for a minute please?”
“Why?”
“I want to see something.”
Brenda rose and stood looking at her friend. Tiffany really hadn’t looked at Brenda for some time. When they were training, they looked like girls all the time, but Tiffany could always see a little of Matt when she looked really hard. Maybe it was the surfer’s shoulders or little things like that. They had been harder to spot as the training sessions came to an end, probably because of the hormones. Brenda had grown softer looking. Tiffany really hadn’t taken a good look at her friend for awhile and now that she did, Brenda’s face was very soft and sensual. It was way more than cute and without the subtle masculinity that was once there. Her hair was long enough to frame her face perfectly. Her brows were thinly plucked and lifted to make her eyes appear large and bright. Her makeup although a bit smudged from crying, looked like it belonged on her face. It was sultry and sexy. She was lucky to have a barely noticeable Adam’s apple on her long thin neck — the kind that…girl’s have. Her shoulders were narrow and soft looking too. Her skin was also soft and smooth, almost like velvet. Tiffany’s gaze continued down to Brenda’s breasts and the cleavage swelling from underneath her camisole. Her waist was extremely tiny and her hips swelled as they reached her leather miniskirt. Her eyes continued down to her legs and she could see the curves the hormones had sculpted from the masculine muscle that was once there. Finally, down to her dainty feet, wrapped with sexy sandals with four-inch heels. There simply wasn’t a man standing in front of Tiffany. Brenda was a woman. A very pretty one at that! Tiffany felt her penis becoming hard. Her friend was turning her on!
Brenda suddenly didn’t like the way Tiffany was staring at her. It made her feel dirty and exposed. They were always friends and now she felt like something else, like some cheap tart.
“You’re beautiful,” Tiffany said with sincerity in her voice. “You really did change… [gulp!] You are a woman! My God!”
Brenda didn’t know how to respond. She looked at her friend and saw a kind expression on her face and she melted, feeling pretty again.
“Thank you,” she said softly.
“Do you really want to remain as a woman?”
“Yes! Absolutely! It feels so right!”
“Then why are your breasts still growing?”
“I’m taking more hormones now. When we were taking it before they didn’t want to screw up our bodies so everything couldn’t be reversed. The hormones softened our bodies up and gave us some curves, but not a lot. For some reason, when my breasts started to grow, just a little, was when I decided that I wanted real breasts. I asked the doctor about it and he increased my hormone levels a lot and it made things happen a lot faster. I can feel my whole body changing. Even the way I am thinking and reacting.”
“I’ll vouch for that! You’ve really changed! You look, act, and … feel to me like a woman.”
“Thank you. That really means a lot to me.”
“May I see your breasts.”
Brenda felt embarrassed, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to show them to anybody.
“I don’t know. They’re not very big.”
“Please Brenda? I just have to see it! I need to know.”
“Okay, I’ll show you. But no laughing.” Brenda said with a smile.
Brenda removed her camisole, bra, and forms as Tiffany watched. Tiffany was becoming very aroused as her friend removed her intimate clothing and when she saw Brenda’s small swelling breasts and large red nipples she went to Brenda. Tiffany raised her hand and touched Brenda’s nipple ‘oh-so-softly’ and felt it grow hard. A bolt of lightning crashed through Brenda’s body and she moaned. She had never felt anything so intensely seductive in her life as Tiffany’s touch!
Tiffany looked at the wanton expression on Brenda’s face and lowered her lips until they touched hers. The feeling that both experienced was electric! Brenda’s lips felt different than Roberts did. And it felt as though she were kissing a girl! Brenda’s lips parted and Tiffany thrust her tongue deep into Brenda’s mouth. Tiffany was disappearing and Dirk was taking over the seduction. His hand found Brenda’s breast and began to caress the nipple. He felt Brenda yield to his advances. She was like a virgin being seduced for the very first time.
Brenda broke their kiss and whispered, “We shouldn’t… be doing this,” and then returned her lips to his. Tiffany was feeling the discomfort of the gaff as she became hard.
Brenda no longer wore her gaff. The hormones had made her impotent and she no longer worried about getting an erection and now wore the panties of her choice - thongs. Tiffany felt Brenda’s tongue caressing hers with a passion built over months of celibacy.
Brenda’s passion was growing beyond her control and she now loved what her friend was doing to her, but felt some guilt anyway.
“Please… stop,” she whimpered and pulled his mouth back to hers, “Please,” she whispered as she felt her skirt grow loose when Dirk had found the zipper and lowered it. Brenda felt her skirt slide down her legs and Dirks hand rub her feminine rear. Her cheeks had also become extremely sensitive in the last month as they grew to feminine proportions. Brenda was swooning with the seduction and, try as she might, she couldn’t stop what she was doing.
“Please Dirk…. Please…. don’t,” was all she could say as the kisses continued. Dirk removed his mouth from Brenda’s and caressed her neck with his lips. Gentle nibbles tantalizing her delicate skin as he nibbled along her shoulder and then across over to just behind her ear making her moan. Brenda’s breaths were becoming short and more ragged as Dirk found her nipple with his mouth and she was succumbing to whatever he wanted to do to her. Brenda was in a state of ecstatic bliss! She was a woman being seduced by a man and knew she had found her place in life! No more questions. No more doubts. She would become a woman!
Brenda felt Dirks arousal against her leg and she felt fearful. Not as a man being touched by another man but as a woman being touched by a man’s hard penis for the first time. Brenda reached for it with her hand and touched it. Feeling it pulse when she did, Brenda gasped. Dirk’s lips were firmly attached to her breast and waves of pleasure coursed throughout her body as he suckled upon it like he was her baby. Brenda rubbed his penis with her hand and held onto it. It felt so hard through the gaff as she slid her hand along the length, it made her feel even more like a woman reinforcing what she desired. She heard Dirk moan when she touched it. Brenda felt Dirk’s hands find the top of her pantyhose and felt them sliding down her legs with an urgency. She reached down and unbuckled the ankle strap on one shoe and felt the hose come off that foot. Brenda felt Dirk lift her up into his arms and carry her into the bedroom and then lay her down upon his bed. The assault on her nipples continued as Dirk lay down beside her and caressed them with his tongue.
“Please,” she moaned, “Please,” as she continued rubbing Dirk’s gaff.
Dirk wanted Brenda. She had driven him over the edge and all rational thinking had disappeared with the lust for each other. He as a man and she as a woman.
“Wait, I’ll be right back.”
“No… please don’t go,” she begged and pulled him to her lips to kiss him once more.
Dirk broke the kiss and said, “I won’t be long.”
Dirk went to the bathroom and returned with a jar of Vaseline.
“Dirk, we shouldn’t do this. It’s wrong. we work together, we are fr-,” Brenda’s words stopped as his mouth once again found her breasts. Brenda’s breathing was hard now, her eyes were glazed and she reached for Dirk’s penis again. She found it and held it once again and when Dirk kissed her on the mouth again she knew she wanted him inside of her. She had to have him inside her! She needed her passion to grow beyond her breasts!
“Dirk, get… I want you… inside of me,” she whispered.
Dirk felt Brenda pulling at his gaff and just by accident pinched his penis. Dirk yelped with the pain and felt it deflate slightly.
“Brenda, STOP! What are we doing? My God! I almost forgot you’re my friend Matt! We can’t do this! Shit!... I’m... sorry,” Dirk spilled forth, trying to justify his stopping something he very much wanted.
He had just seduced his best friend and almost had sex with him.
Brenda felt like her face had just been slapped. Her desires had gained control of right and wrong and now she felt ashamed for what she had allowed to happen.
“What we did was wrong,” she said sheepishly, “But it was so wonderful! Thank you for being able to stop before something bad really happened. Because…. I couldn’t.”
“How did you become such a girl Brenda? Damn! I would have never done what you were doing.”
“That’s because you’re not a girl! You may look like one, but you’re not one yet.”
“I’ll never become one Brenda! Never! I will fight it! I won’t succumb. I don’t want to.”
“I didn’t think I wanted to either, but look what happened to me.” Brenda said.
“You’re different than me. You always go all out and could care less about what happens as a result. But I want to be a man after this shit’s all over with.” Dirk said.
“Maybe I am different. But don’t be so sure that you won’t want to change your mind. You might like being a girl more than you think and changing back won’t be fun either.”
“I still don’t think I will be able to do this much longer,” Dirk said.
“It will have to be as long as it takes,” Brenda said.
“When Tiffany takes over my personality, I’m not Dirk anymore! And I hate that! Tonight, you helped me find Dirk again. I love you Brenda. Dammit! I love you!”
“I love you too! But not as lovers. We just lost control. I really should go… before anything else happens. I have a lot to think about,” Brenda said.
“We both do,” Tiffany replied.
Edited by Sephrena Lynn Miller
Runway | Chapter 13: Discoveries
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Brenda was sitting at her desk when Tiffany walked through the door the next morning. She had picked up her assignment and was just leaving
“Are you coming by my place again tonight?” Tiffany asked with a sexy smile and a bit of impishness within her voice.
“I don’t think so Tiffany. Mmm, Look, let’s talk, but not here. Let’s use the conference room back here.”
Brenda led Tiffany down the hallway past Melissa’s office to a medium sized room with a round table and plush chairs placed around it. Tiffany shut the door as Brenda seated herself to her right.
‘What we did last night was wonderful… but I don’t think we should do that again. It will destroy our friendship. I can’t… I just can’t… think of you any other way than as my friend! And… I don’t want to lose that.”
“If you change your mind… well… you have my number,” Tiffany glumly replied.
“Tiff, I love you dearly. You’re my best friend! My whole view of things has changed: How people treat me, what I’m expected to do, or how I should appear. Look, if we had not have stopped…,” Brenda said.
“But we did stop!” Tiffany replied.
“Dirk stopped! I wouldn’t have. Tiffany, I’m very vulnerable right now. My feelings are so different from Matt’s I’m having trouble comprehending what I should do. When I was Matt, I’d jump any chick I could - do her and be done. But now, I don’t think that way anymore. My brain feels different. How I think is different. What I am desiring and wanting to do with my life is different. I have a whole different set of feelings now, not to have sex - like I used to, but to be held, loved, and wanted by another man. Having sex is secondary Tiff. It’s proving your love for that person you are with. I lost control of my emotions and grip on the reality of who you are to me and tried to prove my love for you to you, in a wrong way, like last night. I don’t love you like that Tiff. You mean the world to me…but not in that way! I’m like a young teen aged girl who hasn’t experienced life yet, and some of that discovery can be a hard lesson.”
“I thought about us, a lot last night. You’re still really Dirk under all of that makeup. But I’m not Matt anymore. I’ve become Brenda. She is a very insecure woman whom Dirk could take advantage of if he wanted. I thank God Dirk is a good and decent person or our relationship would have changed forever last night! I want to be your best friend Tiffany. Always! Not your lover. Because… [sniff]… if we were to make love… we wouldn’t be… [sniff]… best friends, ever again!”
Tiffany leaned down from behind Brenda, gently hugging her, and rested her head on Brenda’s shoulder. Brenda’s hand sliding up and gently clasping with Tiffany’s spoke what needed to be said between them in those few moments.
Brenda leaned back and looked up at Tiffany smiling back down at her. She saw an understanding in that smile.
Tiffany sat down in the chair next to Brenda and scooted up close to her. “I understand what you’re saying Brenda. I love you, and I do mean it! True, it’s different from what we had been in the past, but I would never do anything to hurt you or jeopardize what we had and still have. I’m starting to see what it is you felt last night with me. It was just like it was with me when I was with Robert last night. The feelings were there, yet, for that brief time, it scared me to death. Dirk would have NEVER felt that way - but Tiffany did!”
Tiffany looked down at her lap.
“I do love you Brenda. That has changed between us… to me at least. But, you’re right. It’s best that we remain as sisters and best friends - not lovers. I love you enough to see that, its… what you want.” Tiffany spoke with a sadness.” But you will keep Dirk up late at night thinking about you,” Tiffany then giggled.
“You’re bad! You know that? Now let’s get out of here,” Brenda smiled as she embraced her friend again.
Brenda’s day ended and she returned home. Annie heard her open the front door to the building downstairs and greeted her friend..
“Hi Brenda. I was worried about you last night. I didn’t hear you come home. Is everything alright?”
“More than alright,” she answered with a dreamy look in her eyes.
Annie had seen that look before on her own face before and knew that Brenda had spent some time with a man.
“I hope he was nice to you.”
“He was wonderful Annie. He was so kind. He’s a very old friend of mine and we decided not to pursue our feelings though. It would destroy what we have.” Brenda answered.
“That was a smart thing to do. I’ve seen more than one friendship destroyed because of a moment of passion. I had a friend who once stood by me through thick and thin and I could talk to him about anything. One rainy day we made love and, after that, it was as though a wall went up between us. We were afraid to talk openly again for fear of angering the other person. The passion we had that one day never returned. I miss that man and would give anything to take back that one moment with him,” Annie wistfully sighed.
“I have to ask you for some advice Annie. I’m going to go to a Knicks game and I need something to wear. What would you wear to a game like that?” Brenda asked.
“Me? I’d wear some old sweats and my running shoes but I’m a fifty year old woman. Now if we are talking about you: tight jeans, a cute top and heels will make your guy want you and not the game,” Annie replied.
“Hmm. I’ll have to find something tomorrow at a shop then.” Brenda pondered.
“I worry about you dear. Are you hungry?”
“A little.”
“Good. Go change and come eat with me.”
Brenda ran upstairs to her apartment and removed her clothes. She found her jogging shirt and shorts, then returned to Annie’s apartment.
Annie wanted to ask Brenda about the man she was with the night before, but knew better. Some things are private and, if Brenda wanted to say anything, she would.
Brenda wanted to tell her friend about the previous evening, but knew she couldn’t. Her feelings on the subject were still confused. The thought of trying to bed your best friend while he was dressed as a woman was something best left unsaid.
The following day found Brenda in a sport shop buying a woman’s tank top with the Knicks logo on it. A nice zip up powder blue sweat top was next. The snazzy looking tight jeans she chose, which accented her hips and curves beautifully, actually made her blush and feel a tingle in her stomach as she was thinking of how it would make Mario constantly stare at her. Mmmm! Perfect! This will impress Mario! she thought.
Friday finally arrived and Brenda was counting the minutes until quitting time. She was going to leave early from work so she would be ready when Mario arrived for their date.
Connie came into work a little after noon with a drawn, haggard look on her face. She really looked bad! If one didn’t know she was a model, you could have never guessed that she was one.
“Is Melissa in?” she groaned.
“No, she had to go to a meeting,” Brenda replied.
“Did she say when she would be back?”
“No. She just said she would be back later on.”
“I’ll wait in her office then. She won’t mind.”
“I don’t know about that, Connie. I think you should wait until she returns.”
“Don’t tell me what to do Brenda!” Connie growled. “I’m the number one model around here and Melissa lets me do as I please.”
“Suit yourself then. I just don’t want to get in trouble.”
“You won’t,” Connie sharply replied as she closed the door to Melissa’s office.
An hour passed and Connie was still inside Melissa’s office. Brenda decided to check on her to make sure she was all right.
Brenda cracked open the door and to peek in and saw Connie bent over Melissa’s desk with several lines of a powdery substance on the desk surface and a tube stuck in her nose. Brenda let go of the door handle and let the door slowly finish opening as she was taking in the scene before her.
“What are you doing?” Brenda gasped.
Connie, half out of her mind, and with redness about her face and eyes glazed like a robot, answered sluggishly,” What does it look like I’m doing?”
“Where did you get that stuff, Connie?”
“It’s mine! Melissa keeps it for me. So… back off. And…. m-m-mmind your own business.”
“This is my business, Connie. Melissa trusts me enough to leave me alone to run things. And now you come here, get loaded, and…why do you do this?”
“I had to have it. Just… had to. So bad.”
“What’s going on in here?” Melissa shouted from behind Brenda. Brenda stood aside as she walked on into her office.
“Brenda, would you mind waiting outside?” Melissa said as rage spilled from her mouth.
“Yes, Melissa.”
Brenda closed the door and paused. As soon as it closed she could hear Melissa screaming at Connie. So, she put her ear against the door to hear what was said.
“You Bitch! Just who the hell do you think you are going into my things like that?”
“But… but… you always give it to me… when I need it,” Connie whimpered drugged out of her mind.
“I give it to you. I DO! So I can keep track of what you owe me! But now I don’t know how much you used. So I’m going to have to take a guess and I don’t think you’re going to like that. I already own you Connie and this just puts you deeper in debt to me. If you can’t pay me off with your modeling assignments, I WILL find another way for you to make that money to pay me and I don’t think you will like it.”
“Please Melissa!” Connie pleaded, “I’ll never do this again!”
“You are so right. YOU WILL NEVER DO THIS AGAIN!! I’m going to teach you a lesson you will never forget! Not in this lifetime! You are going to think twice before ever stealing from me you slut! I want you to go home and take a bath. When you are done, you are going to give yourself an enema and clean yourself out really good. If my client complains about you not being clean, you’re history! Make yourself pretty and wear something sexy. You are going to go out for an evening of FUN! When you bring him, to YOUR home, I want you to invite him in and play! He likes to play a game with his dates: it’s kinky, and it involves sex. In a word, he likes anal sex, and he likes it ROUGH! You’re going to SERVICE HIM. Do I make myself clear?”
“But Melissa, I’ve never done anything… like that before! Can’t I do… something else?”
“NO! No one owes me like you do Connie. I want my money BACK! You’re never going to steal from me again you bitch! Now go home and get ready! If you fail to meet his expectations and he doesn’t pay me, remember… you’re history!”
Brenda moved away from the door and quickly sat back down at her desk. When Connie exited Melissa’s office she was white as a sheet.
“Are you alright Connie?”
“I’m fine,” she said as tears began to flow.
Brenda thought about what she had just overheard, Melissa was one cold bitch. Connie deserved to be punished, but not by making her a prostitute. That wasn’t right. Making her do things she didn’t want to do was an even worse punishment. Brenda wondered how one person could be so cold to another?
Three thirty came and Brenda let Melissa know she was leaving.
“I’m leaving now, Melissa.”
“What’s up? Got a hot date?”
Brenda blushed with that remark, “Yes, kind of.”
“What do you mean kind of? Either you do, or you don’t.”
Brenda didn’t like Melissa intruding into her private life, but after seeing Connie driven to tears she knew she had better be honest.
“I do. I’m going to the Knicks game tonight.”
“They’re fun to watch once in a while, but don’t let your date keep taking you there all the time. If he does, dump him.”
“Melissa, this is just a first date and I don’t even know where it will go.”
Melissa quickly smiled,” Well you have fun Brenda. I’ll see you on Monday.”
“Goodnight.”
Brenda rushed home. She was glad she was able to leave work early because that meant the subway wouldn’t be so crowded. It also meant that she wouldn’t be fondled by gropers.
Mario was due to arrive at five to pick her up, so she had to hurry and dress. Off came the skirt and blouse she had worn to work and on went the tank and jeans. Brenda had a pair of dark brown calf length boots with three inch heels that she knew would look good with her jeans. She placed a minipad inside them to hide her tiny bulge. Brenda then slid her boots on and looked in the mirror. “I look as though I was poured into these jeans,” she thought. “My butt, it’s getting big! I hope it doesn’t look too fat. Nope! I don’t see any bulges. I just know I’m getting fat. I hope Mario isn’t disappointed!”
Brenda was fixated on her butt. It had never looked this good. When she was Matt, girls would tell him that he had a cute butt. It was small but well rounded. It had shape, unlike the other flat butts so many boys had. Now, however, that cute little butt had grown up and was going to turn heads! It wasn’t a J Lo butt, but it was making Brenda feel a little uneasy to look so sexy, and mainly because of her ass.
Brenda did her makeup. Tonight, she used much more shadow at the eyes than she normally did. She made her eyes stand out like jewels.
She had just finished and was putting her things in her purse when the doorbell rang. Brenda’s heart leaped! I hope he likes me!!! she thought. Brenda pushed the door release button and heard the door shut downstairs behind Mario. Her stomach was fluttering as she heard him climb the stairs and finally knock on her door.
“What am I doing dating this man? Dammit!” she wondered, “and why am I so enthralled with him?! God I was a guy myself just seven months ago and now here I am trying to look as sexy as I can to impress another man… SHIT! What am I thinking? I’ll call it off, NOW! I’ll tell him I don’t feel well, and that’s it! I really don’t feel well,” as her stomach churned.
Brenda opened the door and was greeted by a dozen red roses being held by this man, this gorgeous man!
“Hi,” he sheepishly peeked between the rose stems, “These are for you.”
Her first flowers! Her first date! These are things a woman remembers for the rest of her life. The flowers may have been dandelions and the date might have been with the gawkiest boy in her class but it would always be her first! Brenda suddenly wanted to hug the flowers, No! She wanted to hug Mario, heck, she wanted to hug the whole world she felt so special and loved at this very moment.
“Mario! You shouldn’t have. Really…”
“Hey! I’m just trying to say “Hi!” in a meaningful sort of way. Give me a break here,” he kidded.
“Let me put these in some water so they don’t spoil.” Brenda fussed as she placed the bundle of roses one stem at a time into a vase she had filled less than half full of water. “Thank you so much for making me feel special tonight.”
“You are special Brenda! Always! You do look very nice too! Woah! Is that a Knicks top you have on?”
“Yes, I thought as long as we were going to the game I might as well look like a fan.”
“Are you telling me that you aren’t a Knicks fan?”
“Mario, remember, I’m from California, I didn’t even know what the Knicks were until you asked me out,” she giggled.
“Well, you’re a New Yorker now, and all New Yorkers are Knicks fans unless someone conked you on the head and made you like the Nets.”
“The Nets?”
“Yeah, you know the Joyzy Nets.”
“Mario, you’re confusing me, who are the Joyzy Nets?”
“I’m just messing with you. They’re the New Jersey Nets, the team we’re playing against tonight. This is just a pre-season game, so a lot of the players aren’t as good as the regular guys and they’re trying to make the team. The regulars are trying to get in shape for the season so the game won’t be as good as they usually are.”
“I wouldn’t know the difference, since I’ve never been to a game before.”
“It’ll be fun, you’ll like it. Ready?”
Brenda finished arranging the roses.
“Let me get my top in case it gets cold.”
Mario wriggled his eyebrows and said, “I hope it stays warm.”
Mario liked the way Brenda filled out the tank top she was wearing and felt it would be a shame to cover it.
“You’re silly,” she flirted.
Mario escorted Brenda down the stairs to the waiting cab and opened the door for her. He then closed the door and walked around to the other side and slid over until they touched. He told the driver where they wanted to go and then returned his attention to Brenda.
“Were you serious when you told me that you have never been to a basketball game?”
“The only basketball I ever saw was in high school and that was when we had to play it in P.E.”
“That was it? What did you do other than that?”
“I was a surfer. You know, ride the waves, that sort of thing.”
“I’ve never surfed. I wanted to but just never found time.”
“Do they surf around here?”
“I don’t know. I was working in Colombia and watched the guys surfing down there and wished I had time to try but I didn’t.”
“You were working in Colombia? What were you doing there?”
“Driving a truck.”
“No, I mean why were you in Colombia?”
Brenda didn’t like where this was going. Here she was on a date with a man that made her blush at the slightest thing and was now finding out that he had a connection to Colombia. Life wasn’t fair! What if he was the source of the cocaine that Melissa was giving the girls? How would she be able to investigate him, knowing how she felt about Mario? FUCK!
“It all started when I graduated from high school. I didn’t want to go to college and I had worked after school for a couple of years to save up some money. I decide that I wanted to see the world, so I bought a plane ticket to London and that’s where my trip started. I worked a little here and a little there - just enough to live and travel. Traveling in Europe is cheap with a rail pass, so I went from country to country, even sleeping on the train. I didn’t really have enough money for a hotel room. It was June when I arrived in London, and the weather was nice but six months later it was getting cold and I ended up in Italy. I found a job in a restaurant and stayed there for six months until I had saved enough to move on. I had learned how to budget my money by then, so I was able to see a little bit of Africa and then wound up in India.”
“From there I went to Australia and then to South America. I had pretty much run out of money by the time I reached Colombia so that’s why I was driving a truck. I stayed there for almost a year and decided to leave after my truck was hijacked by some rebels. They all had AK-47’s and it scared the shi-, I mean, it scared the heck out of me. I came home after that and started working for UPS and here I am.”
“Wow! That almost sounds like a book. You’ll have to tell me some more about it later,” Brenda said with awe.
“It was nothing. The whole trip was just living in different cultures. It was no big thing.”
To Brenda it was a big thing! She had to find out more about his travels without sounding like the cop she was.
“I’ll bet you had lots of girl friends,” she teased.
What in the hell kind of question was that to ask? What difference did it make if he did have girl friends in different places? This was just a date, a burger and a basketball game - not a marriage proposal! Damn! Why should it bother her if he had a girl friend at one time? So what? Brenda felt dazed and stunned. “I wonder if she was pretty? I wonder if he thinks if I’m as pretty as she was? I hope my butt isn’t getting too fat. Guys don’t like fat girls,” Brenda worried. She felt like hitting her head against the window. Just what in the hell were you thinking of girl? You’re jealous!
“No one special,” he grinned.
The taxi arrived at a small burger stand and tables on the sidewalk. Mario paid the driver and went to open Brenda’s door. He took her hand and helped her out of the cab.
“This place has the best burgers anywhere in the world. The only reason it’s not more popular is that no one has heard about it,” Mario said.
“Well, it smells good - kind of like a burger place,” she responded.
Mario laughed at Brenda’s try for humor. She is a sweet girl and cute too he thought.
“Hey Mario, is dis da girl you been talking about?” asked the cook from behind the counter.
Brenda noticed an alarming resemblance to Mario.
“Yeh, Sal, this is Brenda. Brenda meet my cousin Sal, he owns this dump.”
No wonder they looked the alike, they were family!
Brenda extended her hand and Sal shook it like he was shaking crumbs from a cloth.
“It’s nice to meet you Sal,” she said.
“Likewise Brenda. Now I know why Mario was talking about youse all the time. He has good taste.”
Brenda blushed, not at the compliment, but at the thought that Mario had been talking about her to his family. It just added to that feel of being special she was feeling all day.
“Enough already Sal! I told Brenda that you have the best burgers in the world and we have to get to the Knicks game real soon. Work some of your magic for her.”
“I know just da thing.”
Mario took Brenda’s hand and helped her onto a stool at the counter, since this place was too narrow for tables.
“Sal makes the best burgers, I know he will do something special for you, he likes you.”
“He’s sweet.”
“Hah, don’t tell his wife that, she already knows he’s a creampuff and doesn’t need any encouragement.”
“Tell me more about your trip?” Brenda asked.
“Maybe some other time Brenda, please. Right now, I want to know more about you.”
Brenda noticed that Mario hadn’t let go of her hand and wasn’t about to.
“I was born in Santa Maria, California and lived there until I moved here, now is that excitement or what?”
“There must have been more to it than that?”
“Not really. I just did the normal high school things, you know, hanging out, dances, and dates. You already know that I surf and I did a lot of that. That’s pretty much all there is.”
“You must have left a lot of broken hearted boys behind when you moved here.”
“Nope. There were no boys,” she said wistfully.
What a sneaky way to ask if she had a boy friend back home! God I should hope not! Since “Brenda” had never been to Santa Maria. Geez!
Mario raised an eyebrow.
“Girls?”
Brenda started to giggle,” Mario! Be quiet! I’m not that kind of girl!”
Sal brought the burgers and served them to Mario and his date.
“I hopesa you enjoy za meal.”
Brenda took a small bite and discovered that Mario was indeed right! THIS was ‘the-best-burger’ she had ever tasted!
“Mmm. This is wonderful Sal! The meat is so… scrumptious!”
“It’s my secret ingredient dat gives it da flavor,” he boasted.
“He just takes fresh garlic and presses it in the patty, some secret! I’m only glad we’re both eating the garlic so we won’t notice our breaths later,” Mario said.
“Later?” Brenda asked innocently.
Brenda, you can be so dense sometimes! He’s telling you he wants to kiss you later. And the garlic won’t matter. Don’t be such an idiot! she thought as she blushed.
“Sal’s a really good cook. How long has he had this restaurant location?” she asked.
“Almost four years. He bought it back when he got tired of his old job.”
“His old job, what did he do?”
“He was a hit man for the mob.”
Brenda gasped and then laughingly asked, “No he wasn’t. Was he? Really. What did he do before?”
“He was a high school English teacher.”
“No. You’re kidding!” Brenda didn’t know if what Mario was telling her was a lie or the truth.
“Really. Don’t let that gangster accent fool you, he speaks better than you and I put together. He’s just doing it for you. He graduated with a master’s degree in English and a minor in drama from NYU. He always does this when I bring a girl around to meet him.”
“Why did he stop teaching?”
“He was teaching at a really bad school in a terrible neighborhood in the Bronx. One day, after school, some students jumped him and beat the crap out of him. He figured it wasn’t worth the trouble and bought this place. The funny thing though, is I’ve never seen him happier. So much for higher education.”
Sal came over and talked to the couple when he had a free moment, which wasn’t often. He continued to use his gangster accent, impressing Brenda. She had decided that she liked Sal. He was a sweet man and she could see that he really cared about Mario and his choice of women.
“How long have youse known Mario, Brenda?” Sal asked.
“Sal, enough with the accent. Brenda knows your just fooling around,” Mario said.
“I think it’s cute Mario, let him be. I met him when I went to work at my new job, around two months ago.”
“Well you be nice to him. His last girl friend wasn’t,” Sal said with concern in his voice.
“Sal, leave her alone. It’s a first date, not an invitation to spend the rest of our lives together. After meeting you, she probably won’t want to see me again.”
“Mario, that’s mean!” Brenda whined, as she slapped his arm, “I think it’s sweet that he cares about you.”
“He always treats me like a little kid.”
“Well?” Sal answered with his hands on his hips.
“Your only five years older than me.”
“Physically, but I’m light years ahead of you mentally.”
“I’m twenty-eight years old.”
“And still single.”
“Don’t start Sal. I’ll get married when I’m ready and tell your mom not to listen to my mother. She’s jealous of her and she just wants grandchildren too.”
“I guess your sister will have to be the child provider.”
“Don’t even go there!”
“Hasn’t your sister been dating that Tom guy for quite a while? What about her? When is she going to get married?”
“Mom hates Tom. He really is a loser. She wishes Louisa would come to her senses and dump his lazy good for nothing butt.”
“Ah, your sister. She has always been strong headed and will do anything to prove everyone wrong. Women - you can’t live with them and you can’t live without them. What are you going to do?”
“Hey! What about me?” Brenda pouted.
“You’re different! You’re not living with my cousin.”
“Sal, you’re so embarrassing me! You’re really going to scare Brenda away!” Mario said.
“It will take more than that to scare me away,” Brenda said, smiling at Mario.
“Sal we have to go. The game’s going to start in a half of an hour. How much do I owe you?”
“It’s my treat, for bringing such a lovely young woman here, for a change! Things are looking up for you Mario. It’s been really nice meeting you Brenda and if my cousin gets out of line, let me know.”
“Thank you Sal.”
“Thanks couz.”
The garden was near enough to walk to and not be late for the game so Mario decided not to take a cab. He put his hand around Brenda’s waist and held her as they walked.
“I like your cousin,” she said.
“Yeah, he is pretty special. He’s always been like a big brother to me. When I was younger, I was pretty ornery and he bailed me out of more than one fight. He would stand up for me and then after the fight was over, he would kick my butt for starting it in the first place.”
“It sounds like you come from a very special family.”
“It’s just a typical Italian family. Everyone looks out for each other. We all live in the same neighborhood, so everyone knows what the other person is doing. Isn’t your family like that?”
“My mom and dad live in Santa Maria and the rest of the family is spread around. My grandfather is dead and my grandmother lives with my mom’s sister in Texas. Both of my dad’s parents went to live up in Washington, you know the state? They live in a motor home and they almost never came down to visit us in California. I have two older brothers, Mel, the oldest, lives in San Diego and the only time he comes home is at Christmas. Mark, the middle kid, wants to be an actor and lives in LA so he can be close to the film studios. That’s why they call us the three M’s,” Brenda said.
“The three M’s?” Mario asked.
Oh fuck! What have I done? I let my mouth run away without thinking! Mel, Mark, and Matt, Brenda thought as she felt her skin beginning to burn with the fear she was about to be discovered. She thought of an answer for Mario.
“My middle name is Mary. My mom wanted to name me Mary, but for some reason dad wanted Brenda and he won out. So here I am, Brenda Mary Watson,” Brenda said.
“Your brother is in the movies?”
“If you want to call it that! He’s only been an extra so far, but he has high hopes. Who knows? Maybe one day, I’ll be able to say that I’m Mark! The movie star’s sister.”
“Then I’ll be able to say that I’m Mark! The movie star’s sister’s boyfriend. I bet I'll be able to get free screening passes too!”
“Stop it!” Brenda giggled as she slapped Mario’s arm.
The couple had reached the garden and Mario removed his hand from Brenda’s waist and reached for his wallet. He opened it and removed the tickets for the game. Brenda saw a photo of a girl when he did.
“Who’s that?” she asked.
“The bitch that broke up with me.”
“Still hoping she will change her mind and ask you back?”
Now it was Mario’s turn to feel uncomfortable. Here he was on the first date with a girl he really liked and he still had a picture of the girl that broke his heart in his wallet. What a dolt! He pulled it out of the wallet and tore it to shreds.
“There’s no way I would ever want her back - especially after meeting you!”
Brenda’s heart skipped a beat when she heard that. What could she say, other than, “Thank you.”
Mario found their seats and helped Brenda sit down. All the men’s eyes watched , as she lowered herself, hoping that her jeans would split.
“We made it just in time for the tip off,” Mario said.
“The tip off?”
“You know, where they throw the ball up to start the game. You’ll see.”
The players stepped onto the court and the centers went to the center ring to await the referee. The referee threw up the ball and the Knicks gained control.
“Yes!” Mario yelled as he pumped his fist in the air.
Brenda watched as her date became involved in the game. What should I do? I mean, how should I react in this situation? Ohhhh, she thought. Brenda looked around and watched the other women and tried to mimic their reactions to the game. The game had become more than a basketball contest for Brenda. It had become a learning experience for her as a woman. What should I do? Pump my fist? I think not! A girl wouldn’t do that! But to just sit and not do nothing, ummmm, that won’t make much of an impression on my date! All it would do is to show him that I’m a stick in the mud!
Brenda watched the other girls: the one that just sat, the large one that jumped up and nearly knocked over three people around her, the one that brandished her fist at the other team as her face turned red with rage. Geez! How can anyone get so involved in a game like this? she wondered.
Brenda finally found her way of showing appreciation for the game: she would clap and squeal with delight when Mario was happy and she would boo when he wasn’t. It was the perfect solution for an imperfect situation.
The game ended with the Knicks winning 95 to 91. Mario was on cloud nine, his team had won and he was on a date with Brenda. That girl that was stealing his heart. She was turning heads where ever she went. You’re one lucky man Mario, he thought.
“Would you like a cup of coffee before I bring you home?”
Brenda thought about it for a moment,“That sounds great. Do you have a relative with a coffee shop too?”
“I hope not! No. Just the local Starbucks.”
Brenda reached for Mario’s hand and took it in hers. His large hand engulfing her dainty and delicate hand within made her feel warm and wonderful. The urge to turn and hug this man was incredibly strong! She wanted those large arms around her, pulling her into him! Sigh! This was as close to that as she could get right now. Mario intertwined his fingers with hers.
“So what does your brother Mel do in San Diego?” asked Mario.
“He’s a fireman.”
“That’s exciting. Does he like it?”
“I guess he does. He’s so silly though, all he ever talks about are the cats he rescues from trees. I think he doesn’t want to make my mom worry that he might get hurt.”
“How does your mom feel about you moving to New York City?”
“Well, uh, I don’t think she really knows about it. You know? I’m just not living at home and It’s not so much that I live here, but I need my space too. My mom has effect on me as I grew up that made me this way.”
“If she knew you were here with me, she would be worried sick.”
“She would not! In fact, she would like you. Moms have a way of knowing what their kids friends are like, even after meeting them once. I guess it’s a mom thing.”
“I guess you’re right. After my mom met Louisa’s boy friend, the first thing out of her mouth was, “He’s no good,” and she was right.”
“What’s wrong with her boyfriend?”
“He has no desire to work and lets her support him. He watches TV all day long and doesn’t do squat around the apartment. Oh, did I tell you she lives with him? He’s an absolute loser.”
“Why does she stay with him then? That doesn’t sound right.”
“I think he was the first man she was ever with, you know? She went to bed with him and because of that loves him enough to put up with his bullshit. I just don’t get it though.” Mario said angrily.
“Don’t be too hard on her. Girls think differently about sex. Guys just want to get it but girls want more than to be, well you know. They want some kind of commitment if they are going to sleep with a guy. Unless she’s a slut and then she’s just like a guy.”
“Not all men are like that.”
“Are you telling me that if I were to take down my pants right here you wouldn’t be tempted?”
“Of course I’d be tempted! What guy in his right mind wouldn’t be with you?”
“That’s not what I mean. If I were to take down my pants, you would do me. I know you would. But, there would be no love there and women want love before they would do that. A guy wouldn’t think twice to take down their pants if they could get laid. But a girl wouldn’t. We just don’t do that. How did we get on this subject anyway?” Brenda said as her frustration grew.
Brenda was becoming agitated with the conversation and not realizing that she was thinking just like a woman. She was protecting her right not to have sex.
“We were talking about my sister.”
“That’s right. I forgot. I’m sorry for running off at the mouth. We hardly know each other and here I am telling you how I feel about sex.”
“If we didn’t respect each other, we wouldn’t have had this conversation. You’re a very special woman Brenda.”
Brenda couldn’t help herself now. She turned toward Mario and kissed him quickly on the cheek.
“Thank you Mario, that means a lot to me. You’re a wonderful man!”
Now it was Mario’s turn to feel special. Brenda had just kissed him on the cheek. I’ll never wash my face again, he thought.
The couple found a table to sit down at and Mario went to order the coffee. He returned with two paper cups with skirts to keep them from getting burned.
“Tell me more about your travels around the world,” Brenda asked.
“Mmm, we don’t really have the time for that tonight Brenda. Let’s just enjoy each other instead.”
“But I want to hear about your travels,” Brenda whined.
“I’ll tell you everything. But only if you go out with me for dinner tomorrow night.”
“And what makes you think I have tomorrow night free?”
“I said a prayer to God that you would be and he has never failed me. If you don’t go I’ll become an atheist because God failed me.”
“I guess I can’t let that happen then. Ok. I’ll go with you, but only so you don’t lose your faith in God. Not because I want too.”
“Thank you, and my priest thanks you too.”
“Where do you want to go?”
“Some place nice. You deserve it for having to eat my cousin’s hamburger.”
“Come on! They were good. Don’t be so mean about your cousin. I think he’s sweet.”
“Okay. I’ll leave him alone since he’s not here to defend himself.”
“What should I wear?”
“Something nice.”
“It’s a little warm in here. Let’s sit outside under that tree,” Brenda said.
Mario and Brenda went outside and sat at the shaded table and spent the next hour watching life walk by. They spent a lot of time looking into each other’s eyes and let the unsaid words flow into their depths.
“I think we should get going soon. Its late and I have to find something to wear for tomorrow night,” she said.
“I’ll get the cab.”
Mario went to the curb and flagged down the first available taxi. He opened the door for his new love and helped the delicate flower into the cab. He went around got inside. Mario then gave Brenda’s address to the driver and they were off. Fifteen minutes later they were at her apartment.
“Could you please wait?” he asked the driver as he exited the cab.
Mario didn’t want to have to find a taxi in this neighborhood as they were few and far between. In Manhattan, they were a dime a dozen. But not here in Brooklyn. Mario helped her out and escorted her up the stairs to the front door to her apartment building. They turned and faced each other, holding each other’s hands.
“Thank you for a wonderful evening Mario, I’ve had so much fun,” Brenda said.
“Thanks for going with me Brenda. I hope you didn’t mind the basketball game too much?”
“Of course not! It was fun. But I still don’t know how those guys throw the ball to the other person on their team without looking.”
“In basketball, they pass the ball. They throw the ball in baseball. How they can do it without looking? I don’t know either.”
Brenda giggled and then she looked serious as she realized her perfect evening was over. Brenda and Mario had learned a lot about each other and much of it was intimate. Now it was time for that something she had been thinking about since she ate that garlic burger - the goodnight kiss. Brenda wasn’t sure of how much of a gentleman Mario was and didn’t want to take a chance that he might be afraid to kiss her. Brenda looked up at Mario and stared into the depths of those soft caring eyes. She quivered slightly as she felt goosebumps rise all along her flesh. She leaned her head back and pulled his hands around her waist and moved closer to him. Mario took the hint and moved his lips to hers until they gently touched, softly at first, and then with more want. Brenda let go of Mario’s hands and put her arms around his neck. She held him tight while he put his around her back. Their kiss lasted for what seemed to be a perfect eternity and Brenda was in heaven!
Mario pulled back, exhausted with a slight pant.
“Goodnight Brenda. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Goodnight Mario. I can hardly wait.” she replied as she kissed him softly one last time on the lips. She opened the door and went inside. She then turned to watch him wave through the side pane.
Mario bounded down to the cab like he had wings on his feet. His happiness for life had finally returned!
Brenda continued upstairs to her apartment and went inside, locking her door. Leaning against the door, she thought that her date with Mario had been nothing but a complete success. She knew that all of her insecurities earlier had been unwarranted. She was definitely going to ask for that operation! They owed it to her! Her feelings toward Mario were something Brenda or Matt had never felt before! The closeness of family and the caring were things that never happened in her family. Sure they were close, but not like this. The consideration of all the family did, the love, the caring… Brenda wanted to take Mario away and never let him go! She wanted to sew with his mother, care for his cousins kids, have her own babies… SHIT! she thought, that can never happen!
A tear fell from her eye.
Edited by Sephrena Lynn Miller
Runway | Chapter 14: The Dinner Date
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Mario rose and helped Brenda from her chair. He wrapped her shawl around her shoulders and led her to the door and opened it for her. When they stepped outside he took her in his arms and kissed her softly. Brenda thought she would melt right there. She had never been kissed like this before. Their lips touching so softly and yet a passion flowed between them. Brenda was becoming very excited. Her nipples grew hard and she didn’t want this to stop! Mario pulled his lips from hers and looked deeply in her eyes.
“Brenda, I’m having feelings for you that I didn’t know existed. I think...I might be...falling in love with you.”
Chapter 14
The sunshine streaming through her window awakened Brenda. Groggily, she peered at her alarm clock and panic gripped her! It was nine-thirty in the morning! Dammit! I overslept! she thought. Jumping out of bed, it suddenly dawned on her that today was Saturday. The night before, she had experienced a most wonderful date with Mario and was going to have dinner with him again tonight!
Brenda went on into the bathroom to shower. Letting the little streams of hot water hit her chest sent sensations coursing through her. Her breasts were exceptionally sensitive this morning and she cupped each in her hand to examine them. Brenda was happy. She felt along her legs and could feel the dreaded stubble. Spending some time, she lathered and shaved both of her legs and her underarms. Smiling, she felt sexy again.
Brenda dried herself and then looked in the mirror. I’ll have to ask Annie to help me with my hair, she thought. Brenda dressed casually and went down to Annie’s apartment to ask her for help.
Brenda knocked and Annie answered the door, “Hi dear! What’s up?”
“I have a date tonight and I really need some help with my hair.”
“I thought you had a date last night?”
“Well… it’s the same man, only this is for just a dinner.”
Annie grinned. “Come on in sweety. Let’s see what I have to work with.”
Brenda entered Annie’s apartment and went towards the kitchen. Brenda liked being in Annie’s kitchen because it reminded her of home. There was a lived in smell that only warm kitchens have, a combination of bread, soups, and other tasty foods. Brenda loved the little reminders of the love that once lived here in her children: the poster paper that had yellowed with age with the flower drawn on it and the words, “I love you mom,” the little spoon holder so difficult to make when your are eight years old laying proudly on the tile counter top and the name Shamus inscribed in the fired clay, another picture thumb-tacked to the side of the cupboards with a picture of a house with a family standing in front all drawn with crayon colors and the message, “My Family,” signed by James. Brenda felt she was part of Annie’s family now, rather than just being her neighbor.
Brenda seated herself at the kitchen table. Annie poured both Brenda and herself a cup of coffee and began examining Brenda’s hair.
Annie ran her finger though Brenda’s hair and fluffed it a bit before she said, “Brenda, I think your hair will need a tad more than I really feel comfortable with doing.”
“I really need to have something done with it before tonight.”
“It does look like it needs a trim though.”
“You think?”
Annie fluffed Brenda’s hair again and said, “It’s uneven, ragged ends, like someone hurriedly cut it.”
Brenda looked sheepishly down realizing that it had been done rather fast back at HQ.
“I need it styled for tonight. Do you know anyone that could do it?”
“There’s always Maud’s around the corner, she takes walk-ins, and she’s been there forever, all the neighborhood ladies have used her for years.”
“I’ll see if she can help me after I finish my coffee.”
“Tell me about your date last night.”
“It was so much fun. Mario’s a lot different than I thought he would be.”
“How so?”
“He’s always been such a flirt around work that I thought he would be the same when we went out, you know playful and flirty. But he wasn’t like that at all. He was caring and very serious about his family, he even introduced me to his cousin. I had a wonderful night.”
“It sounds to me like you had a good time.”
“Mmm hmm. And that’s why I have to have my hair done. I don’t want him watching other girls.”
“Jealous already?”
“No. Well, maybe just a little.”
“Don’t worry sweetheart. Men never look at other girls until they get married. And then they look around to see what they missed. Men, they’re all the same.”
The girls giggled at Annie’s wisdom and Brenda finished her coffee.
“I should be running along. Where is Maud’s? I’d like to see if she can take me.”
“When you go outside, turn right and walk to the corner. When you get there look right across the street and down a half of a block and you’ll see the styling salon sign. It used to say beauty parlor but Maud decided to update her place fifteen years ago and changed the sign. ‘Got to keep up with the times,’ she said, but that was all she changed. It still looks like a barber shop with those big glass windows. I told her she needed ferns but she just laughed and said the chemicals would probably kill them.”
“Thanks for the coffee Annie. You’re a lifesaver! I’ll see you later.”
Brenda dashed back over to her apartment and grabbed her purse. She then walked down and out the door to the salon.
Brenda found the establishment exactly where Annie said it would be, in the middle of the block. The painted wood sign looked worn with age, the paint had cracked years before and the plywood under layer could be seen through the cracks. The sign read ‘Styling Salon’ in bold feminine letters and beneath that read ‘Maud Greene, stylist’.
The large front window had the words ‘Beauty Parlor’ written on it in gold leaf script lettering and the initials of the sign painter below that. Brenda opened the door and a bell tinkled when it reached half open to signal the arrival of a customer. The smells of chemicals burned her nose and she wondered if Maud had ever invested in an exhaust fan to help with air circulation?
Brenda saw three styling stations on one wall and drying chairs on the opposite wall. A shampoo basin was in the rear against the rear wall between the corner and an opening covered with a curtain. Two women were under the driers, their hair rolled in tight curlers. A third was sitting at one of the styling stations with her bluish white hair, hanging wet after just being shampooed.
The curtain parted and a sixtyish looking woman with too much makeup entered the room. She was a large woman wearing tight clothing, which she shouldn’t wear. Her hips were large and her corseted waist was pulled tight wishing it was ten inches smaller. Her breasts, sagged with age, were pulled high up on her chest by a bra that had to be of industrial strength to carry that much weight. Her blue Capri pants looked as though they would split if she took one more step on her four-inch black pumps. The woven pink yarn that made her sweater promised to shred if she were to raise her arms. Her hair was bright red and teased until it stood many inches above her head and her bright red lipstick outlined nonexistent lips that did nothing but highlight her face. Her eyebrows had been plucked clean and drawn back in a high arching thin black line which drew attention to the clumped mascara and eye shadow which tried to cover the age lines on her face. The years had not been kind to Maud Greene.
“Hello, may I help you?” Maud asked in a cheerful tone. Maud specialized in the care of older women, the ones that had been born in this neighborhood fifty, sixty, or seventy years ago and would probably die here. They didn’t expect much other than to get rid of the gray and have a simple cut and style. Each customer never varied from her original hair style by much other than hair length. All the younger girls had drifted away to the upscale salons of Manhattan and their high prices. Maud’s pricing was stuck in the sixties and her customer’s appreciated that as most came from poor families and wouldn’t be able to afford much more. Brenda was like a fresh bouquet that lit up the room.
“I would like to have my hair cut and styled if it’s possible. You were recommended to me by my landlady.”
“Who’s your landlady?”
“Annie Patrick.”
“Annie. I haven’t seen her for a while. Her hair is a real chore to work on.” Maud grinned. “Sit down over here and I’ll take a look at what we can do.”
Brenda sat down and Maud ran her chipped bright red nails through Brenda’s hair.
“Did you have a particular style in mind?”
“I have a date tonight and I just want to look special for him.”
Maud remembered when she was this girl’s age. The future was bright and full of hope and looking pretty for a young man was the most important thought in a girl’s head at that age. Maud remembered her innocence when she was Brenda’s age, before she had married her first husband - the no good wife beater! She divorced him after twelve years of hell and met her second husband, a real dear of a man. They had two children, one boy and one girl, before he died of cancer at an early age. Maud’s life had been hard on her and it showed beneath the garish clothing and makeup. As hard as Maud’s life had been, she had never changed inside, she had a heart of gold and would never do anything to hurt someone.
“Honey, I’m going be honest with you. I haven’t worked on a young girl like you in years and I’d be afraid that I might ruin your hair. If you were old and gray, I could help you. But I don’t want to spoil your evening.”
“I have two kids, a son and daughter. My daughter just graduated from beauty school and got her license. I’ve watched her work and she’s a real artist. She was going to look for a salon that was hiring so I know she isn’t working yet. I’ll call her and see if she would come in and do your hair,” Maud said.
“Do you think she would?” Brenda asked.
“She needs the money. Of course she will!”
Maud called her daughter and said that she would love to do Brenda’s hair.
“Ashley said she’ll be here in an hour, is that alright?”
“Perfect! I’ll be back then. It will give me a chance to find something to wear while I wait. Thank you Maud.”
“Wait, I don’t know your name.”
“Its Brenda.”
“Very nice to meet you Brenda,” Maud said as she extended her hand.
Brenda gently shook Maud’s hand as she left.
Brenda returned to her apartment to look for something to wear on her date. She was very lucky that the FBI had provided her a large wardrobe for her to wear. She looked through her things and found a dress she wanted to wear but had never had anywhere to do it. It was a knit beige knee length dress that hugged her curves. It came off the shoulders and exposed her skin to below her neck, but well above her breasts. There would be no cleavage tonight! She found the perfect heels to wear with the dress, matching sling back pumps with four-inch heels.
Brenda returned to the salon and waited for Ashley to arrive.
Brenda was reading a magazine and was startled by the tinkling bells as the door opened. In walked a younger version of Maud, only this one was trim and well dressed. Her makeup was flawless and her auburn hair flowed to her waist.
“Hey Ashley,” Maud said.
“Hi mom,” she replied.
Ashley gave her mother a quick loving hug.
“Ashley, this is Brenda, Brenda this is Ashley,”
“It’s nice to meet you Ashley,” Brenda offered.
“It’s nice to meet you too Brenda!” Ashley said with her smoky alto voice.
Her voice sent shivers up Brenda’s back. She must drive men crazy! she thought.
“What would you like to have done?” Ashley asked.
“I need my hair cleaned up and styled for my date tonight, can you help me?”
Ashley took Brenda’s hair in her hands and looked at it, feeling the texture and length.
“I wish your hair was a little longer, but I have some ideas that I think you will like. You’re going out on a date?”
“Yes, to dinner.”
“It’s still early Brenda. If you’d like, I can give you a complete make-over; you know nails and makeup, everything. It’ll be fun, I promise. And I need the practice.”
“You can do all that?”
“Of course. I couldn’t get a license if I didn’t know how.”
“Alright Ashley, you have yourself a customer.”Brenda grinned.
“Have you ever dyed your hair?”
“No.”
“I didn’t think so. Your hair is brown. It’s boring. You need color and you need highlights. Brenda, when I’m finished with you, you will never want brown again. Let’s get started. I need to wash your hair.”
Ashley led Brenda to the vacant station and thus started a long afternoon of pampering for our heroine.
The hours passed on by as Ashley worked her magic on Brenda. When Ashley did Brenda’s makeup she explained each move and why she was using each. Brenda was amazed at what makeup did for her eyes. Her mood was interrupted by the tinkling of the bell as the door to the shop opened.
A little slip of a girl entered and looked around. She was bubbly and full of energy. She reminded Brenda of a kitten with her playfulness.
Maud walked through the curtain and the girl screamed, “Mommy,” and ran to her and threw her arms around Maud’s neck and gave her a hug.
Maud stepped back and said, “Karen, what are you doing here, why aren’t you in school?”
“There was a fire and they sent us home for one week while they repair the school.”
Ashley had stopped working on Brenda’s makeup while she watched Karen give her mother hugs.
Karen turned and saw Ashley and frowned, “Hi Ashley,” she said, with disdain in her voice.
“Hi Karen,” Ashley responded, somewhat meekly.
“Brenda, this is my daughter Karen. She goes to school upstate and there was a fire and, what a surprise,” Maud gushed.
“Karen’s your daughter? I thought Ashley was….your………daughter,” Brenda said as her voice slipped away.
Brenda’s mind was reeling. Holy shit! Maud said she had a son and daughter and if Karen was her daughter then Ashley must be her… No way! She’s too beautiful to be a… a man! Men can’t look like that! They’re like… all masculine looking! They’re… they’re, and then Brenda looked at her own reflection in the mirror. Where was the masculinity there? Where was hers? And where was Tiffany’s?
“Ashley’s not her daughter,” Karen spat, “I’m her only REAL daughter. She’s a FAKE! What are you doing here Ashley?”
“Karen. That isn’t nice to say. Mom asked me to come and do Brenda’s hair and makeup for her. I need the job.”
“Shit, Brenda! Do you know that Ashley is really a guy?”
“I didn’t until now,” she said softly.
Brenda could see the hurt in Ashley’s eyes as her sister berated her.
“Well she is! Or maybe I should say he is. You embarrass me Gary.”
“Please don’t do this me Karen. I never did anything to you. Not like this,” Ashley said as tears filled her eyes.
“Karen, stop it, THIS INSTANT! I’ll not have you doing this to your sister in MY SHOP!”
“But mom! You know how I feel about Ashley and why.”
“If you can’t be civil, I want you to leave.”
“I can’t be civil. So I guess I’ll leave then.”
Karen turned to go out the door.
“Please don’t leave Karen,” Ashley pleaded.
“Fuck you bitch!” she said as she slammed the door behind her.
“I’m so sorry Brenda, you shouldn’t have seen that. Do you want me to finish or would you prefer that my mother to finish everything?”
“Why wouldn’t I want you?”
“Because, well of what my sister said. A lot of people aren’t comfortable with… you know… me.”
Brenda was at a loss for words. This beautiful girl had just been hammered by her sister and she wondered if she wanted someone else to touch Brenda? Brenda rose from her chair and took Ashley in her arms and held her as Ashley dissolved into tears. Brenda could feel Ashley’s body heaving as she cried. She had no idea as to what else she should do, so she just held her tight.
Maud watched on as her baby cried, tears falling from her eyes. This wasn’t the first time Karen had lashed out at her sister and it wouldn’t be the last.
Ashley’s transition wouldn’t have been so bad if Karen’s boyfriend hadn’t met Ashley. Karen wasn’t happy her brother had decided to become a girl. The embarrassment would be too much for her as freshman student in high school. Gary had dressed for Karen one day and she was surprised at how pretty Gary was. As long as he kept it at home and no one found out, she was fine with it. In fact, she had fun with it at first, playing with her own dress up Barbie doll. Gary had been picked on in school because of his feminine ways and when he graduated he moved away and transitioned into Ashley. He had used hormones in school with his mother’s permission so when he moved out and began to live as Ashley full time, it was easy for him. He was and still is so passable as a woman, no one could ever guess Ashley hadn’t been born a genetic woman.
The hate began when Ashley came home for a visit after a year of living on her own. She had worked at menial jobs but was able to support herself and pay for cosmetology classes. She was to graduate in another six months and wanted to see her mother and sister as she had missed them.
Karen was home when Ashley arrived. Karen had brought her current boyfriend home for a love making session, to be blunt. Karen was a slut and having a mother that worked until early evening meant that she had free rein to do as she pleased and that meant screwing every boy she met. Ashley entered their apartment and found Karen on the sofa with her legs spread and her boyfriend buried deep within her.
“Karen, what are you doing?” Ashley had asked in surprise.
Karen hadn’t heard Ashley come in the room and it couldn’t have been at a worse moment, because at that moment her boyfriend came.
“Shit! What are you doing here?” Karen asked as her friend kept bucking.
The boy finally realized they weren’t alone and extracted himself from Karen spewing his spunk on both her and the sofa.
The boy hastily pulled his underwear and pants back on as Karen tried to find her panties.
“Karen this boy isn’t supposed to be here, you know the rules.”
“Fuck the rules! I do as I please.”
All the while the boy couldn’t help but stare at Ashley, her beauty made Karen pale in comparison.
Karen watched as her friend was paying attention to Ashley and completely ignoring her. He had just fucked her and now he wanted Ashley. He wanted her brother more than her - the bastard! Karen in her own sick way though blamed Ashley for the turn of events and not the boy, she wanted more of what he had and she wasn’t about to share it with Ashley. Karen could see the boy’s growing lust for her brother and she would put a stop to it.
“I see you’re turned on by my sister Jeffery. Well let me tell you something, she’s a guy. A fag! Get it? Now fuck off Gary! We don’t want you here.”
After that day the few times the two girls were in the same room fireworks started. Ashley would try to make peace but Karen wouldn’t hear of it. Karen hated her sister, not so much that she had caught her with the boy but because of her jealousy of her sister’s beauty. She hated Ashley for that.
Ashley gained control of her emotions and dried her eyes as best she could. She looked at Brenda and waited for the words of rejection.
“I wouldn’t want anyone but you to touch my hair or face Ashley, and I’d like to be your friend.”
Ashley watered up again. Brenda wanted to be her friend. She hadn’t rejected her but had embraced her.
After a few more minutes, Ashley went back to work on Brenda and finished with little time to spare. Brenda saw what Ashley had done to her and the only phrase that came to her mind was that she simply looked amazing! Gone was her boring nondescript hair. It had been replaced with a smart sexy style that was guaranteed to turn heads. Her makeup was perfect for the evening and the light danced off her sexy nails. Ashley had even polished Brenda’s toe nails to match her fingers. Brenda was very pleased with the results.
“Ashley, my god, thank you so much!”
“You were easy to do. I had a lot to work with.”
Brenda went and removed three one hundred dollar bills and handed them to Ashley.
“Brenda! This is TOO much money.”
“It’s not enough dear friend. I want you to give me your address and phone number so we can see each other again.”
“You aren’t just saying that to make me feel better?”
“No. I really want to be your friend.”
Ashley hugged Brenda again.
Brenda rushed home as the hour was growing late and Mario would be here soon.
Her dress that she picked out had tiny sleeves and the top created a straight line from underarm to underarm. The fabric stretched slightly and hugged her curves, She looked in the mirror and saw that her flaccid penis made a slight bump in the front of the dress.
“Damn!” Brenda swore. She loved wearing her thongs but this dress just hugged her too tight to do that. So she would have to wear her gaff. She hadn’t worn it for weeks and hated putting it on. It made her feel unwomanly for some reason, which is why she preferred the thong underwear. So she just rolled the skirt above her waist and slipped the gaff on, carefully tucking herself away. In her excitement, she forgot to put on her pantyhose and had to go through the same thing again, roll up her skirt and put on the hose. She lowered her dress again and took her heels in hand and slid them on her feet and stood. Brenda walked over to her mirror and looked at her reflection. Her mouth dropped when she saw herself. What have I done? she mused in wonderment. The door-bell rang.
Brenda buzzed Mario in and heard him climb the stairs to her apartment. Her stomach was fluttering with butterflies. What if he doesn’t like me? What if I’m not dressed right?
Mario knocked on Brenda’s door and she slowly opened it.
“Hi,” she said.
Mario was speechless when he saw the beauty that was his date. Her hair was flawless and shining with a new color. Her face radiated a beauty he had only read about in books. The lightly tanned skin on Brenda’s exposed neck and shoulders added a sexiness to her beauty that proved showing just a little is better than showing everything. Her figure was perfect. Her legs were perfectly perched on her heels and the manicured nails that were seen through her sheer hose made the picture complete. She had small drop earrings and a necklace to complete her look,
“You’re… beautiful,” he was finally able to say.
“I had to work at it, it took all day.”
“It was worth it, I’ll say!”
“Let me get my shawl in case it gets cool.”
Brenda wrapped her white shawl over her shoulders and closed the door to her apartment. She took Mario’s arm with her hand and they started down the stairs .Her heels made a sound with each step and made her concentrate on not falling, three inch heels were hard enough to climb stairs but these four inch babies were an absolute bitch! Brenda gripped Mario’s arm and he felt like she was going to rip his skin.
“Are you alright?” he asked.
“Why?”
“Because you’re squeezing my arm like you’re going to die.”
Brenda relaxed her grip.
“I’m sorry. It’s just that these heels make it really hard to walk on the stairs.”
“Why don’t you take them off until you reach the bottom?”
“And run my nylons? No way.”
Annie opened her door to see where the noise was coming from.
“Oh Brenda!” she exclaimed, “Let me have a look at you. I love your hair! My, my, aren’t we the regal one this evening. Who’s your friend?”
“Annie this is Mario, Mario, Annie. Annie is my best friend.”
“Pleased to meet you Annie,” Mario said as he extended his hand.
“It’s nice to finally meet you Mario. Brenda has spoken a lot about you. You two run along now. You had better be nice to my girl or you’ll have me to answer to,” Annie laughed.
“I will.”
Mario escorted Brenda to the waiting cab and helped her into the rear seat.
“I have tickets for Carnegie Hall tonight, so I thought it would be nice if we went to dinner at Patsy’s first and then we can walk to the concert.”
Brenda crossed her legs and answered, “That sounds wonderful.”
Mario gave instructions to the driver and then took Brenda’s hand in his. Tonight would be a night of romance.
The couple were seated at Patsy’s and ordered their drinks. Brenda had an iced tea and Mario a glass of red wine.
“This is a really nice restaurant Mario,” Brenda said.
“It’s been here for years. It was Sinatra’s favorite.”
“I can see why… it’s very romantic.”
“The food’s good too.”
“Mario, tell me more about your adventures when you traveled around the world.”
Mario began his adventure and had finally reached South America by the time they were halfway through their main course of dinner.
“I landed in Chili and hitched rides north until I reached Colombia. I had pretty much run out of money and needed a job. So I asked around and because I spoke English, this Spanish guy offered me a delivery job. He taught me how to drive a semi truck and had me making deliveries to Panama. I delivered everything from scrap iron to cow manure. I had to go to the craziest places to pick things up and some of the guys there scared the crap out of me.”
“Why would they scare you?”
“They all had guns. I don’t know why they would have wanted to protect cow manure.”
“How long did you work there?”
“For about a year. I would have worked longer but I had some trouble and had to leave in a hurry.”
“You weren’t hurt were you?” Brenda asked with concern.
“No, I wasn’t hurt. But I could have been. I was on a dirt road after picking up some manure and I drove around a corner and the road was blocked by the Columbian military. I stopped and the soldiers made me get out of the truck. I pretended that I didn’t speak Spanish and one of the soldiers told me in English to step behind the truck and not to move. They got on top of the truck and started to poke around in the manure and talking. The guy in charge seemed to get agitated and said the payoff wasn’t there and that my boss should be taught a lesson. I started to get a real bad feeling in my stomach that I would be the lesson so I slowly backed up until I disappeared into the jungle. I had a hundred yards on them before they noticed I was gone. When they saw that I had escaped they started shouting and running around looking for me. One guy even shot his gun at me in the jungle.”
“What did you do then?”
“I stayed put until they took the truck and left. I walked for hours until someone gave me a ride. I caught rides north whenever I could and finally ended up in El Paso, Texas. I called my mom and she wired me enough money to fly the rest of the way home and have been here ever since. You know the old saying, ‘there’s no place like home?’ Well it’s true. I’ve seen enough to last a lifetime.”
“May I take your plates?” asked the waiter.
“Yes, I’m finished,” answered Brenda.
“Would you like to see our dessert tray?”
“I really shouldn’t, but I would like to see what you have.”
The waiter removed the plates and returned with the dessert tray.
“Oh my, look at the chocolate mousse. I know I shouldn’t, but I have to have it. I’ll probably kill myself in the morning when I step on the scale,” Brenda giggled. “Would you share it with me?”
“I’d love to. We’ll take one of these and two forks please.”
The waiter returned with the mousse and placed it in the center of the table. Brenda took her fork and pushed it into the dessert. She withdrew it and fed it to Mario. Mario opened his mouth and closed it slowly over Brenda’s fork. She slid it back out and felt as though she was watching a movie. It was as though the dainty hand holding the fork had become detached from her body. Her long and feminine fingers caught her gaze as the candle light danced off her coated nails.
Mario tried to return the favor, but Brenda declined, “No, let me,” she said as she fed another fork full to Mario. She took one mouthful and decided that would be enough to add five pounds, it was so rich. She continued feeding her date until the mousse was gone. When she finished, she looked deep into his eyes and said nothing. She let her gaze say everything that needed to be said.
“My mother wants to meet you,” Mario finally managed to get out. He just couldn’t take his eyes off of Brenda.
“Your mother?”
“Yes, my mother. She wants to meet the girl that captured my heart.”
Brenda was silent. Things were moving too quickly. She liked Mario a lot and she loved being with him. But meeting his mother? That was more than being friends. That was <gulp!> love. Brenda didn’t feel right that she should meet his mother just yet. She was undercover and this wasn’t the time.
“I’d love too, when?” she answered before her brain gained control of her mouth.
“My family has Sunday dinner every week and the whole family is there. Even my cousin Sal and his family. My aunts and uncles: everyone is there. I would be honored, you know, if you were there… too.”
Brenda felt herself blushing. No one had ever said anything quite so nice to her in all of her life. Mario didn’t say I love you, but he might just as well have. She felt her eyes begin to water. Oh no! I’ll ruin my makeup, she thought as she took her napkin and dabbed her eyes to prevent tears from staining her face.
“Mario, that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. Please. Kiss me.”
Brenda leaned over the table and the two lovers lips met at the center. It was a short kiss but one of love for each other. This had gone way farther than Brenda had ever wanted and she was powerless to stop it. Her heart was guiding her before she had a chance to think. She felt warm and cuddly inside. She felt complete.
The waiter returned with the check and Mario placed his credit card in the holder. The waiter then took it and returned for Mario to sign the receipt. Brenda saw a series of numbers at the bottom, the first being a two. Being a woman has its advantages she thought as the waiter removed the receipt.
“Thank you Mario. Dinner tonight was simply wonderful.”
“You’re welcome. I’m so happy you decided to give me a try tonight.”
Mario rose and helped Brenda from her chair. He wrapped her shawl around her shoulders and led her to the door and opened it for her. When they stepped outside he took her in his arms and kissed her softly. Brenda thought she would melt right there. She had never been kissed like this before. Their lips touching so softly and yet a passion flowed between them. Brenda was becoming very excited. Her nipples grew hard and she didn’t want this to stop! Mario pulled his lips from hers and looked deeply in her eyes.
“Brenda, I’m having feelings for you that I didn’t know existed. I think… I might be… falling in love with you.”
Brenda couldn’t speak. The twinkling lights of the city danced off Mario’s eyes and she felt all squishy inside.
“Mario,” she whispered and pulled his lips to hers and let her love pour from her mouth to his.
The couple walked to Carnegie from Patsy’s as it was only a few blocks away. Actually it was a few blocks for Mario but a mile for Brenda in four-inch heels. Brenda and Mario had their arms around each other so Brenda didn’t mind as long as he was holding her.
One of Mario’s customers had given him the tickets at the last moment and he had no idea what kind of concert this would be.
The concert ended and Brenda had never heard music like that before. She had always been a hip hop person but this was SO different, SO wonderful… and so romantic!
“Would you like some coffee and cheesecake?” Mario asked.
“I’d love some,” she answered, “But would you mind if we got a cab? My feet are killing me?”
“Why do you girls wear those things if they hurt your feet?”
“Look at my legs and you’ll see why. We use them to tempt you men.”
“You’re right. Your legs always look good… never mind. Keep wearing them.” He grinned.
“I will, if you’ll pay to have my feet fixed later.’
“It’ll be worth it. You have beautiful feet Brenda.”
“Thank you, I’m glad you like them.”
“Not as much as what they’re attached to.”
“Now you’re being silly. You can’t have one without the other.”
Mario hailed a cab and had the driver drop them at Stage Deli.
“What time do you want me at your parent’s tomorrow?” she asked.
“Dinner is around three, but never starts until after the football game is over. And that’s after four. I’ll pick you up around one so we can have some time alone.”
“What should I wear?”
“My mom is kind of old fashioned and doesn’t like girls to look trashy if you know what I mean.”
“I don’t know what you mean. Have I ever looked trashy?”
“God no! In fact I didn’t even know you had boobs until the other day.”
Brenda blushed remembering the top she wore and showed her cleavage for the first time.
“I meant, is the dinner formal or casual? Do I wear a dress or jeans?”
“Jeans are fine. None of the women wear dresses except for mom and she only does it because she’s an old fashioned Italian woman.
“You’re no help at all. I’ll ask Annie, she’ll know what I should wear.”
The couple finished their cheesecake and coffee and caught a cab. When they arrived back at Brenda’s apartment, Mario asked the driver to wait, he knew it was way too early in the relationship to expect to sleep with Brenda, so he escorted her to the door of her apartment.
Brenda placed her key into the door and opened it. She turned and allowed Mario to pull her tight and their mouths touched. She placed her arms around his neck and pulled him to her, this kiss had much more lust than the others this night. The kiss lasted for several minutes.
“Mario, I,I,” Brenda paused, while her brain took control of her mouth. Please don’t say the love word, please mouth! “I had a wonderful evening, thank you so much.”
“I would like to do it again if you’d like?” he asked.
“I would love to,” she answered and kissed Mario again.
“I’d better go in…I’ll see you tomorrow.” Brenda said as she broke the kiss. She knew if she didn’t she might lose control of herself and this whole deception would be ruined.
“Goodnight Brenda,” Mario said as he walked away.
Brenda closed the door. She couldn’t help herself. She took a pillow from the sofa and hugged it tightly letting some tears come out. Brenda was falling in love.
Edited by Sephrena Lynn Miller
Runway | Chapter 15: Sunday Dinner
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What have I gotten myself into now? Brenda wondered. Two years ago I was just a surfer dude without a care in the world. Look at me now: standing at the sink in high heeled boots, in an apron, cutting lettuce and trying to make my boyfriend’s mother like me. Where did I go wrong?
By
Arecee
Chapter 15
Annie was reading the Sunday edition of the Times when Brenda knocked on her door.
“Good morning Brenda! Come on in.” she said as Brenda opened the door.
“Hi Annie, I have something to ask you.”
“Let me get you a cup of coffee first,”
Annie returned with a steaming mug and handed it to Brenda.
“What's on your mind dear?”
“Mario asked me to have a Sunday dinner with his family this evening and I haven't a clue as to what to wear to it.”
“Well, you can wear pretty much anything you want, as long as it’s tasteful.”
“He said his mother always wears a dress.”
“Mothers in Italian homes do that. Its just tradition.”
“I don’t feel like heels and a dress...darn! I can’t decide.”
“Well, let me think about it some. Oh. How was your date? Your young man certainly is handsome.”
“We had dinner and then we saw Yo Yo Ma and Bobby Mcferrin at Carnegie hall. It was wonderful! I never heard anything like that in all my life. I thought it was going to be something along the lines of being hip hop, but it wasn't! It was just so exciting and beautiful! I guess maybe I’m really growing up.” Brenda replied as she fingered the newspaper.
“It’s hard not to like music when it’s played or sung by true artists. I’m thinking maybe you could wear your jeans and a nice sweater with those brown boots you have. You would look very nice in that.”
“Hmmm. You know? Maybe I will! It’s not too dressy either. What are you going to do today?”
“Just lay around like a bum and read my paper. After all, it’s Sunday.”
Brenda shuffled the paper around and found the fashion section. Checking to see if there were any sales she might like, Brenda went through several ad spreads and was marked with disappointment at not finding anything. She folded the ad spreads together and glanced at the back page. There, before her, was a full page advertisement for the Margaret Voss collection with a full page photo of Tiffany in one of Margaret’s fashions! She was sitting on the floor and viewed from the side, wearing a matching skirt and jacket. Her legs could be seen to mid thigh and the four-inch heels of her pumps were resting on the floor with her toes pointed straight up and her knees were bent. She looked as though she was laughing. The picture was a particularly good pose! Tiffany appeared strikingly beautiful and seemed to have fun doing that shot. The caption underneath it read ‘Style with Fun’.
“Annie! This is my friend Tiffany here! She's the model that works with me.”
“Let me see,” she said excitedly, as Brenda passed her the page. “My goodness! She is beautiful!”
“I can’t wait to call her! Annie, I have to run! Thanks for the coffee! I’ll be back later.”
Brenda ran over to her apartment and grabbed the phone to call Tiffany.
“Hello,” Tiffany answered.
“Tiffany, its Brenda. Have you seen the paper yet?”
“Nope. I just got up. I had a date last night...if you can believe that!”
“Go find the New York Times. You’re on the back page of the fashion section.”
“Really?”
“Yes really! It’s a full page ad! God. I’m so excited for you!”
“I’ll have to go to the corner grocery to get one. I’ll call you right back.”
Tiffany ran to the grocery to buy a paper. She had to see what Brenda was talking about.The grocer had gotten to recognize Tiffany as being a regular customer, but he didn’t know what she did for work. At least he didn't have a clue, until he opened the paper that morning and saw her picture.
Tiffany laid the paper on the counter to purchase it.
“I saw your picture in the paper this morning Miss, I didn’t know you were a model.”
“Yes, I just started.”
“I have to say, you are very beautiful in that picture.”
Tiffany blushed and said, “Thank you.”
“Would you be willing to autograph your picture for me?” the grocer shyly asked. "Please?"
“I'd be happy to,” she answered, clearly flustered.
Someone wants my autograph! I don’t believe it! she thought as she took the pen and paper from the clerk and wondered what she was supposed to write.
“What’s your name?” she asked.
“Sammy.”
Tiffany wrote in her most feminine script, ‘To Sammy, a good friend. Tiffany,’ and handed it back to him.
She opened her purse and removed a bill to pay for her paper.
“No,” Sammy said, “I don’t charge my good friends.” He pushed her hand and money back to her.
Tiffany was becoming embarassed. She simply didn’t know how to handle this kind of notoriety. She took the safest course and smiled saying, “Thank you very much,” and left the store.
She couldn’t wait to get home and open the paper to look at her picture much closer. She found the fashion section and turned the section around and saw the picture and gasped. Oh my God, I look hot, shit, I didn’t think this would happen, I would just model, catch the bad guys and be done, but this, what am I going to do?
A mother and her daughter were walking toward Tiffany when the girl stopped.
“Mommy look, it’s the girl in the paper,” she said excitedly.
“I think you’re right, excuse me miss, aren’t you the Margaret Voss model?” the woman asked.
Tiffany felt as though she was standing in the middle of Time’s Square with no clothes on, it was just a picture of her, shit, did everyone see it? Tiffany didn’t like this kind of attention but she couldn’t be rude either.
“Yes.”
“My daughter saw your picture this morning and she said you’re the prettiest model she had ever seen and I think I have to agree with her. Would you sign an autograph?”
“Of course I will, what’s your daughter’s name?”
“Gail.”
Tiffany signed the paper for Gail and handed it to her mother.
“Thank you,” she smiled. “Gail will certainly treasure this!” She walked away with Tiffany’s paper.
The attention was rattling Tiffany’s brain. She had signed two autographs and had only been out of her apartment for five minutes. Worse though, was that she just gave away her own paper. ‘Dumb Blonde!’ she giggled to herself.
Tiffany returned to her apartment. She would buy a paper later to replace her gift to Gail. There were no more incidents other than two girls across the street squealing and hitting each other when they saw Tiffany.
Tiffany called Brenda back when she entered her apartment.
“Hello?”
“Brenda, it’s Tiffany. I saw the picture. Oh my God!! I look hot!!! What am I going to do?”
“Do? You don’t do anything. This is perfect! Melissa is going to freak when she sees that picture. She’s going to keep you close to her, and the closer the better. This way you might find out what she really is doing behind those closed doors.”
“I know Brenda. But what about that picture? I look like a pretty girl.”
“You’re supposed to look that way, remember? You’re a model.”
‘I thought I would look like a model. But not like that Brenda! I’m scared. Men are going to be all over me.”
Brenda started giggling. She wouldn’t mind that kind of attention, but she knew how Tiffany felt about this whole undercover thing. And then to be a model that was going to turn heads, was going to freak her out.
“Tiffany, men aren’t going to be able to get near you unless you want them there. That’s why they have big security guys.”
“I don’t like this Brenda! I couldn’t even get a paper without being recognized.”
“That’s the price of fame girlfriend!”
“Please don’t call me that! You know I don’t like being a girl.”
“I’m sorry. I just can't help but think of you as one. Ok. Tell me about your date?”
“I did mention that didn’t I? Now I wish I hadn’t.”
“Shit Tiffany! Don’t be such a stick in the mud. You’re a girl now! So enjoy it. You can bitch an moan about it later when this is all over.”
“I’m sorry, this fame thing has me in a really weird mood. Remember that guy at the show we did at the gallery?”
“Which guy, there were lots of guys.”
“The one that stayed with me the whole time.”
“That tall handsome one?”
“Yes, that’s him. Well, he called me Friday and asked if I would go with him to some business dinner and dance. I thought 'What the heck?' All I ever do is sit at home and watch TV. So I said yes.”
“Ooh, was it nice?”
“At first I thought I would have a terrible time. I dressed in a floor length gown and with heels I was tall, at least six-three. I figured the guy would be turned off. I forgot he was taller than me. I even had to look up to see his eyes. I was kind of in a bad mood when he arrived, since I felt it was wrong going out with a guy. You know? Robert shows up and hands me two dozen red roses and tells me how beautiful I am. Then I felt like such a jerk.”
“I put the flowers in a vase and he takes me down to a limo, opens the door for me and helps me in. He goes around the car and gets in. The first thing he does is put his arm around me. Well, I put him straight and moved it off my shoulders. After that, he was a perfect gentleman. We went to a dinner in a ballroom and I figured I was eye candy for him. So, I took his arm and smiled a lot, keeping my mouth shut. After dinner, we danced until it ended.”
“Robert then took me for a drink and we just talked. He told me all about how he had inherited his money and nobody thought much of him. So he went to prove them wrong, and has made a second fortune. I felt sad for him though, because he really seems to be a lonely person, even though he is around people all day. I think they just use him to better themselves. As we talked, I just felt so bad for him. He wasn’t sad, but there was an emptiness you could detec. I don’t know how to describe it. It was weird!”
“It must be a girl thing or something, but I just wanted to hold him and make him feel better. Does that sound strange?” Tiffany asked.
“No, it doesn’t sound strange. I feel like that a lot nowadays. But I’m a lot more girl than you are though. What else happened after that?” Brenda asked.
“We talked for hours, and it was so late by the time I got home. But I didn’t mind. I felt different being with Robert by then than I did earlier in the evening. When he got me back in the limo he put his arm around me again and I wasn’t repulsed this time. In fact, it felt good to have his hand there. I snuggled against him and it made me feel protected. I felt like a woman! Was I wrong feeling that way?” Tiffany asked, as her insecurity showed.
“Tiffany, you are a woman! You should feel that way about a man.”
“Brenda, I’m not a woman! You’re a woman! But I’m not. I'm wearing a disguise. I might look like one, but I know who I am inside.”
“Tiffany, let Dirk go. You’ll find him later, because if you don’t, you’ll make yourself crazy. Be a woman completely for now, it’s so much easier! When I let Matt go, I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I felt free.”
“But that’s you! I’m not like that! I can’t just let go of my past, and that’s what scared me last night! I did let go for a short time and I had fun being Tiffany. Now I feel guilty as hell about it.”
“Why would you feel guilty? All you did was go out with the guy?”
“He kissed me!!”
“He kissed you?”
“Yes! When we reached my apartment and when we were still in the car...he kissed me.”
“What did you do? You didn’t slap him did you?”
Tiffany grew silent for a moment before she answered.
“No,” she said softly, “I kissed him back.”
“You did?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because Tiffany wanted to! She liked Robert a lot. When he touched her lips, it was like a fire erupted inside of her and she pulled him in tight.”
“You pulled him tight?”
“No, Tiffany did.”
“Wait a second. You’re Tiffany!”
Brenda could hear her friend begin to cry. Tiffany needed to be with someone.
“I can’t do this... anymore, “ she whimpered.
“I’ll be right over! Stay put!” Brenda ordered as she put down the phone.
Brenda removed her flip flops and put on her white running shoes. She ran down to find a cab. All she was wearing was a tank top and a pair of cut off jeans. Desperate, she mentally chastised herself about her looks and would have to put her makeup on in the cab. She found a cab and gave him Tiffany’s address. She was there fifteen minutes later.
Tiffany let her friend into her apartment and they went into the kitchen. Tiffany’s eyes were red from crying and Brenda took her in her arms and just held her to herself for some time.
“Brenda. I'm sick. I can’t do this anymore. I just can’t.”
“You’re strong Tiffany! Why not?”
“Because I’m becoming more like Tiffany everyday!! I don't want to!! And I don’t like it.”
“Why don’t you like it?”
“Because I’m a man! That’s why! Last night when I kissed Robert, I became Tiffany heart and soul. I actually wanted him like a woman wants a man. Brenda, when we kissed, I felt so feminine and girlish, so special and wonderful, that I didn’t want to leave Robert's grasp. He walked me to my door and kissed me one more time. When I had come inside and shut the door, I felt so alone, I hurt inside and ached to be back in his arms! I missed him!! And he had only been gone for ten seconds.”
“That’s your feminine side coming out. That’s good!”
“Its not good! I hate it! Let's agree to disagree on that point.”
“Tiffany, you’re being stupid! You’re supposed to be a girl for this mission! You've been told that, you volunteered for this, and I have reminded you constantly. So own up to it! Besides, that’s how girls feel when they’re away from someone they care for.”
“But I’m not a girl,” she whined.
Brenda rolled her eyes and thought for a second.
“Ok, let me ask you this then. What did you see when you looked at the paper this morning?”
“Me.”
“I know it was you. But what did you see?”
“A girl.”
“That’s right! A girl! Not Dirk, and certainly not a man.”
“But this is so wrong! I shouldn’t like it when Robert kisses me.”
“Tiffany, you’re a beautiful and, from what I can see, all woman. You should like it when you’re kissed. Take advantage of it. Enjoy it. Let Dirk go... and slip into the role for a bit.”
“I can’t let him go. That’s who I am!”
“Then put him away for now! Put him in a box and hide him in your mind. When this is all over, open the box and let him be free again.”
“What if I don’t want to be Dirk later? Huh? What then?”
“If you can't come back...well... then be Tiffany. There are a lot of worse things that could happen you know.”
“But what will people think?”
“What do they think now?”
“That I’m Tiffany.”
“Then be Tiffany, and I mean one hundred percent Tiffany! Be the successful woman you are!”
“Ok. If I have to, I guess...I’ll try,” she sniffled.
“Tiffany, I have to go now. Mario is picking me up in a couple of hours for a Sunday dinner with his family. And I need the time so that I can get ready.”
“Mario? You have another date with Mario?”
“I went out with him last night. Why?”
Tiffany's face drawled in a look of shock and confusion.
“Never mind. Oh God! Nevermind... it’s nothing. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Tiffany said. She still had a look of concern on her face.
Brenda found a cab and went home to get dressed for her Sunday dinner.
She found the outfit that she wanted to wear. It was classy and had a certain amount of sex appeal. It was a gaucho pant outfit with a vest to go over a blouse. She would wear it with her brown boots.
Brenda hadn’t showered yet, because of her rush trip to Tiffany’s. So she had to hurry. Mario would be here in an hour.
Brenda was just slipping her boots on when the bell rang. She buzzed Mario in and heard him dash up the stairs. He sounded like a herd of buffalo because he had skipped every other step. Brenda was giggling when she opened the door.
“Hi!” she said, “I’ll be just be a minute. I have to put in my earrings.”
“Wow! You look fabulous! What’s so funny?” he asked.
“Thanks! You sounded like a herd of buffalo coming up the stairs,” she giggled. “Did you see Tiffany’s picture in the paper?”
“No. Who’s Tiffany?”
“One of the girls that works for my agency. You’d know her if you saw her.”
“I only see you when I’m there.”
“You know your nose is going to grow. You've been seeing the other girls.”
“Maybe. But you’re the prettiest one by far.”
“Stop it! Now I know you’re lying!"
Brenda went into her bedroom and a few minutes later came back with her earrings showing off through her hair.
"Ok. I’m ready, lets go.”
Brenda locked her door and went down the stairs, holding onto Mario’s arm for support. They climbed into the taxi and it was off to Mario’s mother’s home.
“Can we stop and buy a copy of the Times on the way?”
“My mom will have one at her house, You can have that one.”
The taxi arrived at the address given and Mario sent the cab on its way.
“Home sweet home!” he cheered.
Mario’s mother’s home was in an attached brownstone building with several flats, theirs being the one on the top floor.
Mario opened the front door and the aroma from the food being cooked made Brenda’s mouth water.
“Mario! That smells so good. What is it?”
“I’m not sure. I think mom made Osso Buco today.”
“What’s that?”
“Veal shank, cooked for a long time in the oven. I love it when she makes it. She only does it for special occasions.”
“Is today special?”
“Yes. Because I’m bringing you here.”
“Would you stop that! You are making me blush!” Brenda giggled as she play slapped Mario’s arm.
Brenda could hear many voices further ahead inside, some from women, some from men, but mostly from children. It was a happy sound.
I hope they'll like me! Am I dressed properly? she thought.
“Does my makeup look okay?” she asked, her nervousness was showing.
“You’re stunning! Don’t worry... my mom doesn’t bite!”
Brenda and Mario reached the top of the stairs and Brenda heard a scream,” Uncle Mario!” and the sound of running feet. A little girl, maybe five years old launched herself in Mario’s direction and was caught before she fell to the floor.
“Tina! How’s my favorite girl?”
“I’m fine Uncle Mario,” she warmly smiled as she hugged Mario around his neck.
Mario put Tina down and she ran off to rejoin the other children.
“That was Tina, one of Sal’s kids. She’s a real sweetheart. Come on, lets find mom.” he said as he took Brenda by the hand and led her to the kitchen.
The stairway entered the flat past the living room, but in a hallway with what Brenda assumed were bedroom doors, and at the end was the kitchen and dining area. The kitchen was large and had been remodeled years before. The center island was where the preparation work was done, and the massive range had two large ovens. There were five women in the kitchen, each with a chore to do. They were laughing and talking. When Mario made his entrance the conversation stopped.
“Mom, ladies, this is Brenda Watson. Brenda this is my mom, Marie Puccinelli and this is Louisa, Sal’s wife, Nola, Judy and Irma.”
Marie went to Brenda and took her by the hands and pulled her into the kitchen.
“Come in, come in! You’re much prettier than Mario said you were. Mario, take a beer to your father in the living room and watch the game. Leave Brenda here with us ladies,” Marie said.
Mario knew better than to argue with his mother and knew Brenda would be in good hands. He did want to see the rest of the football game. The Giants were playing against the Eagles and it would be a good test for his team.
Brenda felt fearful. She was alone, in a room with five women, whom she didn’t know, and didn’t know what was expected of her. Her training hadn’t covered this!
“Brenda, don’t be shy. Here’s an apron, you don’t want to ruin your outfit. You don’t mind helping Louisa do you?” Marie asked.
“No, I don’t mind. Except my mom never taught me how to cook. I’m a quick learner though, if you’ll show me what to do,” Brenda answered with a nervous giggle.
“I’m making the salad, it’s easy. Here let me show you what to do and don’t mind Marie. All of us girls went through the same thing and we're still here,” Louisa laughed.
Louisa had a nice laugh and it put Brenda more at ease. But now, it was time for the inquisition to start.
“Mario says that you work with him?” Marie asked.
“Just in the same building he delivers to alot. I work for Universal Modeling.”
“Are you a model?”
“Heavens no! I’m too fat. I’m the receptionist.”
“A skinny thing like you too fat? Just wait until you have babies... that’s when you get fat! I still haven’t lost the weight I gained when I had Mario,” Marie said.
“You look good,” said Brenda.
Marie looked like a woman that knew how to cook. She was pleasantly plump, but not grossly over weight. She looked like a classic Italian mother.
“My sister always complains about her weight. I wish she would give some of it to me,” said Irma.
Irma was Marie’s sister and Sal’s mother. She was pretty for a fifty-five year old woman and rail thin, she almost looked anorexic.
“What about me mom? I work out all the time and still have this little tummy,” responded Louisa, to her mother-in-law.
“How did you meet Mario?”
“He came into my office and we just hit it off. He was fun to talk to also.”
“He’s a flirt. I know my cousin,” said Nola.
Nola looked like she was around twenty-five years old and very pretty. Her hair was long, almost to her waist. Her eyes shined like brown glass. She had a pleasant smile and a petite figure. Brenda would like to have a girl like this as a friend.
“You’re right Nola. I know my brother better than anyone. You’d better save yourself before it’s too late,” laughed Judy.
Judy was Mario’s sister and the aunt of the little girl that had greeted Mario earlier. She had a radiant smile and sparkling eyes. Her hair was short, making it easy to tend to while raising her three children. She once had hair like Nola’s, but after the birth of her second child, she had it cut. It was just too much work to care for.
“Here’s a knife. You can cut the lettuce,” said Louisa.
Brenda took the knife and began working on the lettuce. What have I gotten myself into now? she wondered. Two years ago I was just a surfer dude without a care in the world. Look at me now: standing at the sink in high heeled boots, in an apron, cutting lettuce and trying to make my boyfriend’s mother like me. Where did I go wrong?
“Mario really likes you... a lot,” Louisa softly spoke as she washed the salad greens.
“How would you know that? This is just our third date.”
“Because you’re the first girl he’s ever brought home to meet his parents.”
“We hardly know one another.”
“Mario’s a very good judge of character. He sees things in people that most other people would miss. Bringing you here says a lot about what he thinks of you.”
“I-I...I don’t know what to say?”
“You don’t have to say anything. Have a fun time! Come on lets meet the rest of the family. The salad can wait.”
Louisa took Brenda by the hand and led her to the living room where the men were watching the game on television. Brenda could hear groans as they reached the room.
“I can’t believe it! McNabb is killing us,” Brenda heard a voice say.
“Mario? Would you introduce Brenda to everyone please?” Louisa said.
Mario rose from his chair and went to Brenda and took her hand.
“Dad, guys, this is Brenda. Brenda, this is my dad Bruno, you know Sal, and these animals are Tony, Martin and Lorenzo.”
“Hi Brenda,” they said in unison.
“So, you’re the little girl that stole my boy’s heart,” Bruno said, with a twinkle in his eye.
“Dad! Come on! You’re going to embarrass Brenda!”
“Ah, she knows I’m just teasing. Welcome to my home, Brenda.”
“Thank you Mr. Puccinelli.” Brenda demurely responded and she lowered her eyes.
“Call me Bruno! Mr. Puccinelli was my father. Come sit next to me and watch the game. You’re too pretty to be working out there with all those chattering hens.”
Brenda smiled, knowing the situation that would develop, and that was something she wanted to avoid.
“Thank you anyways. But I really should be helping in the kitchen.”
“Now you know where Mario gets his flirting from... his dad,” Louisa laughed.
Brenda noticed that there was a lot of laughing and interaction between the family members. Something that never really took place back home when she had been Matt.
Brenda and Louisa returned to the kitchen to help with the dinner. There were more questions and learning where Brenda was going to fit in the family order. Would she fit in? or Would she be one that was kept to the side?
Mario’s brother’s wife was kept to the side. His brother’s name was Guido and he was married to Kimberly. They had been married for four years and hadn’t had children yet. Kimberly was a business woman and didn’t have time for pregnancy or the inconvenience of children. She was a driven woman and didn’t want anything to do with the family traditions of the Italian family she had married into. She hadn’t lifted a finger to help from day one, which soured the feelings Marie had for the girl. Kimberly was a spoiled child and it showed when she was around.
Brenda was cutting the green onions and nicked her finger with the blade of the knife. No one had taught her how to cut with a knife and she had held her fingers straight out as she cut.
“Ouch! I cut myself,” she exclaimed.
“Quick, here, put a towel around it until the bleeding stops,” said Louisa.
“Here’s a band aid. Let me see Brenda,” said Marie
Marie took Brenda’s hand and held her finger out to the side. The bleeding had slowed, and it was really just a scratch, but Marie showed concern anyway. Mario had brought his girlfriend to dinner and cut herself. Marie couldn't help but feel responsible.
“It’ll be alright Marie. It’s just a small cut.”
Marie put the band aid on Brenda’s finger.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” she asked.
Marie was using Kimberly as a reference and wasn’t sure what kind of girl Brenda was. Kimberly had scraped her hand against the door jamb once and didn’t even break the skin and you would have thought she had been shot. She screamed and cried and had a hissy fit like she was dying.
Marie was starting to like Brenda and was seeing what her son saw in this girl. She wasn’t afraid to pitch in and she wasn’t a baby. From what she could see, Brenda was a strong woman.
“I’ll be fine,” Brenda said as she returned to making salad.
“Before you cut yourself again, let me show you how to cut with a knife,” Louisa said. “Take the knife like this, and then hold what ever your cutting like this. See my knuckles are ahead of my finger tips and the edge of the knife rubs against them? Kind of like a guide. That way, you don’t get cut.”
Brenda did as instructed and found that after a little practice, she was cutting with the best of them.
The conversation turned away from Brenda and onto more family oriented topics like kids and the family. Brenda just listened and learned what it was to be a woman in a family like this. Brenda liked what was happening to her. She was being included into the family structure. The family liked this new girl that Mario had found. She was a keeper as far, as they were concerned.
“Bruno, is the game over yet?” Marie yelled down the hall with a small amount of irritation in her voice.
“Keep your skirt on! The game will be over in a couple of minutes,” came the reply.
“Men,” she said with exasperation in her voice.
Suddenly a cheer came from the living room and you could hear the excitement! The Giants must have done something good. Brenda smiled to herself. She had a warm fuzzy feeling from all of what was happening, and her boyfriend’s team had just done something right. It was a good day.
The game ended and dinner was served. The adults sat in the formal dining room and the children sat in the kitchen. Grace was prayed by Bruno and then everyone ate. The conversation was light and fun, with most of the verbal jabs aimed at Mario for finally finding a girlfriend.
Dinner was soon finished and Brenda was the first to help clear the table and wash the dishes. She was making major points with Marie, and it wasn’t something being lost on Mario. He loved Brenda, a whole lot!
It was time for Brenda to leave and she went to each person and bade them goodnight. Marie was the last one.
“Goodnight Marie. I had a wonderful time. Thank you so much,” she said as she embraced Marie.
“Thank you, Brenda. You’re a wonderful girl! Come again next Sunday,” Marie said.
“Mom, maybe Brenda has something else to do?” Mario said.
“I, I’ll try,” Brenda responded. She wanted nothing more than to come here again and be part of this wonderful family.A girl named Brenda was finding a life and it could possibly be one that she might not want to leave.
Mario had called for a cab and the couple were soon on their way to Brenda’s apartment.
“Mario, thank you so much for taking me to meet your family tonight. I loved them all.”
“Did you really have a nice time?”
“It was incredible. Your mom especvially. She is so sweet.”
Brenda moved closer to Mario, she wanted to be held.
“Please hold me,” she said.
Mario put his arm around her shoulders and held her tight. Brenda had found a family and she was being held by the man that she, not fully yet Brenda, liked an awful lot. Life couldn’t be much better than this!
The taxi arrived, and Mario walked Brenda to her apartment. They gave each other the goodnight kiss they knew would happen. That kiss was filled with a lot of tender love: the love a man and woman have for each other that says... forever.
“Good night Mario! Thank you for sharing your family with me.”
“They’re your family too.”
Brenda smiled with watery eyes.
“Good night,” she softly replied as she kissed him once more before closing her door.
Brenda removed her clothes and makeup and found her flannel pajamas to wear. She got into bed and turned off her light. She was staring up at the ceiling in the dark. What just happened to me? she wondered. She had gone to dinner with a man she liked, and met his family. She had been accepted as the woman she portrayed. She had become as one with the other women. And now she was falling in love with Mario. There... she said it. Love. The word and feelings she wanted to avoid. Yes. She was in love with this man. He made her feel all warm and squishy inside when he touched her. She had become a woman, found her man - her man! Hers. That sounded so good... hers!
Brenda felt tears fill her eyes. What am I going to do after this is over? How can I ever go back to my old life? I won’t be able too? And Mario expects to have a woman to be able to marry, one that will bear his children. God! What have I done?
She dissolved into tears.
Edited and beaten into appropriate submission by Sephrena Lynn Miller
Runway | Chapter 16-17: Feelings & Frustrations
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“Brenda, there are no guarantees in life. Especially with what one person feels for another and I’m in the same boat as you - I don’t want to be hurt either! You know I was just dumped by my old girl friend and I was angry. But then I realized that you were there and I knew you were a much better person than my last girl friend. I worry too, because I’m having these feelings also and I’ve never felt like this so soon. It scares me as much as it does you.”
By
Arecee
Chapter 16
Brenda woke up the next morning, her eyes red from the tears she shed of the previous night. She dressed and went to work, no sense making myself sick about this she reasoned.
Brenda walked through the front door and called Carla to let her know she was there.
“Hi Carla! I’m here.”
“Thank God! The phones have been driving me crazy. Good Morning Brenda!”
Brenda barely had time to remove her sweater before the phone rang.
“Good morning, Universal.”
“I have to talk to Melissa. Is she there?”
“Miss Benson won’t be in for another hour. How may I help you?”
“I have to have that girl. This is Jan Morris, Director of Marketing for Calvin Klein. Have her call me soon as she gets in.” and the phone went dead.
God what was that? Brenda wondered.
The phone rang again and it was pretty much the same. “I want that Voss girl, have Melissa call me before she talks to anyone else.” Brenda took at least twenty calls over the next hour and all of them pertained to Tiffany. Everyone wanted her.
Melissa finally came through the door, looking much the worse for wear. It was obvious that she hadn’t slept much, but she did have a satisfied look on her face.
“Good morning Brenda. Any calls?”
“It’s been crazy,” she answered and handed Melissa a stack of phone messages. “Everyone wants Tiffany.”
“I saw that ad yesterday. She did look good. Thank you.” Melissa said as she took the messages and went on into her office.
Tiffany arrived several minutes later.
“Hi Brenda.”
“Tiffany. You won’t believe what’s going on. EVERYONE wants you!”
“Everyone?”
“Yes, EVERYONE!”
“Who’s everyone?”
“See that Cosmopolitan over there? Open any page and that’s who wants you, girl! You’re famous!”
“I’m not famous! I’ve only been on one back page.”
“You wouldn’t know it from the calls this morning. Everyone wants the Voss girl.”
The phone rang on Melissa’s extension.
“Yes Melissa?”
“When Tiffany gets here, send her right in.”
“She just arrived. I’ll send her in.” Brenda turned back to Tiffany, “Melissa wants you in her office.”
Tiffany went to Melissa’s office and opened the door.
“Tiffany, come on in and close that door.”
Tiffany entered and shut the door behind her.
“Tiffany, you have no idea of the excitement you are creating in our industry. Everyone wants you. We’re going to make so much money! This is so exciting.”
“What am I supposed to do?” Tiffany asked.
“Shows on the runway and photo shoots. Revlon wants you. Do you know what that means?”
“No.”
“It means you’re a millionaire girl and so am I,” Melissa exclaimed excitedly. “You have a show for Bloomingdale’s this afternoon, so you’d better get going and get ready.”
“What will I be wearing?”
“Whatever rags they want you to wear. Who cares? You’re a big buck girl now. Tomorrow I’ve lined you up for another show in the morning and a photo shoot in the afternoon and evening. It’s going to be a long day, so get some rest tonight.”
“Yes Melissa.”
Brenda was waiting for her friend to come out of Melissa’s office.
“What did she say?” Brenda asked.
“She said that I’m a millionaire.”
“Oh my God!”
“I’ll talk to you later. I have a show to do at Bloomingdale’s. I’ll call you when I get home.”
Tiffany left for her assignment while Brenda tended to the increasing number of phone calls.
The door opened, and the ever cheerful Ron entered.
“Good morning Brenda! Is Tiffany around?” he asked.
“Hi Ron. No, you just missed her. Why?”
“I wanted her to sign my Sunday paper before she becomes famous.”
“Well judging by the phone calls this morning, she already is.”
“Melissa called. Is she in?” Ron asked.
“Hold on, I’ll see if she’s busy,” Brenda said. “She said to come in, her office is freezing.”
“Thanks, and you look gorgeous today.”
“Ron you’re not fooling anyone! I could look like shit and you would say the same thing. But thank you anyways,” Brenda said.
Ron seemed to be spending a long time in Melissa’s office and Brenda wondered if that had anything to do with the drugs. I’ll have to see if I can place a listening device in there soon, it might save a lot of time.
The front door opened and Mario came on in with his morning delivery.
“Hi,” he said.
“Hi,” Brenda replied.
“You look nice,” Mario said.
“You’re just saying that because we’re friends.”
“Really, you look very nice. And thanks for coming over yesterday. You made quite an impression on the family.”
“I did? I hope it was good one.”
“My mom really loves you. She wants you there again next week.”
“Really?”
“Yep! And... I would like that too.”
“Can I think about it? I really like you Mario, but I don’t want to rush things. I don’t want your mom to get the wrong idea about us. After all, we just started dating.”
“I feel the same way. My mom is already marrying us off. I’m telling you, she thinks you walk on water.”
“I like her too, she’s so sweet. Are those all of the packages for today?” Brenda asked.
“There is one package for Melissa, marked personal. Shall I bring it in to her?”
“Go ahead. You had better knock first though, Ron is in there. And who knows what they might be doing.”
“Ron and Melissa? I doubt anything would be happening with those two.”
“You never know.”
Mario knocked on the door and Melissa asked him to enter. He delivered the package and continued with his deliveries.
“I’ll phone you at home later tonight,” he said to Brenda.
“Talk to you later,” she smiled back.
The rest of the day went smoothly for Brenda, other than the growing discomfort of her breasts. She would have to get smaller forms soon because the constant pressure was becoming unbearable.
Brenda called Tiffany when she got home, but the answering machine picked up so she left a message to call her back when she got home.
Mario called and they made the usual chit-chat about the day, with the exception that Mario had asked her out for a snack Wednesday evening, after work, which she accepted.
Brenda called Maria after that and left a message about her breast forms and her need for smaller ones. She hoped Maria would call back soon.
It was after nine before Tiffany called.
“Hello,” Brenda said into the phone.
“Hi! It’s me. I’m so tired!!! I didn’t think I’d ever be able to go home!” Tiffany whined.
“Did the show last this long?” Brenda asked.
“No. There was a party there afterwards. Melissa showed up and was selling me to all kinds of people. It was strange! People were fawning all over me. But at the same time, it was really exciting.”
“You’re a star now Tiffany! Things are going to change for you! Don’t forget why we’re here though. We have to find Melissa’s drug source.”
“Have you heard from Bill Cline?”
“No, but I think I’ll call him tomorrow and see if he has found anything.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow then. I’m going to lay down and get some sleep. I have a show in the morning and then a photo shoot after that. It’s going to be a long day,” Tiffany yawned.
Tuesday was very much like Monday - a flurry of phone calls about Tiffany and another visit by Ron.
“I have to check Melissa’s office again,” Ron said.
“She’s not in. Go on in and do what you do,” Brenda said.
“After I’m done, I’ll need to check the coffee room too.”
“I’m sure you will,” Brenda answered with a bit of sarcasm in her voice.
Mario came in next with his usual pile of boxes.
“Hi! How’s it going today?”
“Pretty good. How about you?” she asked with her best smile.
“Good, do you have time for lunch?”
“I wish I did! But I have an errand to run. Maybe tomorrow? That way I can make up for today.”
“Don’t forget we have a dinner date tomorrow!”
“You can be quite sure I haven’t forgotten that.”
“Good! See you later!”
Noon rolled on by and Brenda left for lunch. Her real mission was to call Bill Cline and she couldn’t do that at the office.
Brenda called Bill Cline on her cell phone from a nearby restaurant.
“FBI.”
“Bill Cline, please,” Brenda said.
The call was transferred.
“Bill Cline.”
“Bill, hi. It’s Brenda.”
“Hi Brenda. What’s up?”
“I was wondering if you had anything on the list I gave you?”
“We’re almost done with it. We’ve cleared all but Ron English, Jack Larsen, and Susan Marques.”
Brenda sighed in relief! Mario had been cleared of suspicion!
“Oh, I forgot. That Puccinelli guy is still active too. We’re trying to find more information about him. But it’s hard, because of his time in Colombia.”
Brenda’s heart sank when Bill said that. Mario wasn’t cleared after all.
“Bill, I have to return to work. Can we meet later?” Brenda asked.
“Sure, how about tonight? Around eight?”
“I have nothing going on. That will work.”
“I’ll meet you at the same place as last time. See you then.”
“Bye Bill.”
Brenda returned to work and was very agitated. Her breasts were bothering her and her boyfriend was under suspicion. Maybe it’s all a misunderstanding. Something that will be easy to straighten out. Mario couldn’t be the source! Damn bra!
Tiffany called and said that she was on her way to the photo shoot and that the show went well.
“I’ll call you later tonight when I get home,” Tiffany said.
“I’m seeing Bill Cline after work for a drink. I’ll talk to you later.”
Brenda’s day ended and she found her way to the restaurant for the meeting.
“Hey pretty lady! Found your way back. Did you miss me?” Danny asked.
“Danny, my world would end if it weren’t for you,” Brenda said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
“At least you remembered my name,” Danny said.
“I’ll bet you don’t remember mine.”
“I never forget a pretty woman’s name, lemon drop, right?”
“Lemon drop is what I drink, you goof,” she giggled, “See you did forget my name!”
“You got me. I can always remember the drink but not the name. So, what’s your name then?”
“Brenda.”
“You aren’t meeting that guy again are you?”
“Yes, why?”
“You two seem so different. You’re pretty and sexy and he’s, well, old.”
“That’s not nice Danny! Actually it’s a business meeting. We work together.”
“That’s a relief! Maybe there’s hope for me yet.”
“Danny, you’re a flirt.”
“It’s good for business.”
“And all this time I thought you loved me. You broke my heart,” laughed Brenda.
“Can I get you a lemon drop?”
“Sure, why not.”
Danny returned with Brenda’s drink and placed it in front of her and asked, “What do you do?”
“I work for a modeling agency. I told you that the last time I was here. I’m the receptionist.”
“I’m sorry. I meet a lot of people and sometimes I forget. I’ll remember next time though. Does that guy work for the agency too?”
“Umm, well kind of… he’s an investor.”
“I’ll bet he’d like to invest in you. Be careful with guys like that Brenda.”
“I will be. Oh, here he comes now.”
“I remember his name too. Mister Double Jack. Don’t let him drive you anywhere!”
“I won’t.”
Bill wandered over to Brenda and sat down next to her.
“Hi Brenda. Been here long?”
“No. I just got here myself.”
“Give me a Double Jack over please,” Bill said to Danny.
“Do you have the list?” Brenda asked.
“Just a partial one. Maybe we should find a table. I really don’t want anyone else to see this.”
The hostess led Brenda and Bill to a table and placed their drinks down for them. Bill finished his drink and ordered another.
“This is what I have so far,” he said. “There really isn’t a lot to go on right now but there are some leads. Jack Larsen is a mystery. I can’t find anything about him other than he visits Melissa once a month with a package of what we don’t know. I’m going to leave him up to you and Tiffany to find out what he’s doing. The next guy is Ron English. His is an interesting connection to this group. We can’t find anything that he has done in the past other than being Lon English’s brother. Lon is a different case. He’s doing five to ten for selling meth and for assault. Now here’s the interesting thing about him, he was dating Susan Marques before he was sent away. He was an engineer in the same building as his brother, in fact Ron got him the job and that was where Susan met Lon and they started seeing each other. We don’t know if Susan knew anything about the meth thing or not, but she still visits Lon once a week and has had conjugal time with him on more than one occasion. Other than that, we have drawn a blank so far.”
“What about Mario Puccinelli?”
“He’s an interesting guy. We’re still trying to find out more about him. All we have so far is that he was involved in delivering cocaine to Panama in truck loads of cow shit. Oops I’m sorry. I mean manure. We’re not sure if he knew he was delivering drugs or not and we’re still looking into it with an undercover operative in Colombia. I can tell you this though, he’s a very lucky man! On his last delivery, he was almost killed. We think the Columbian government was involved in some kind of payoff and some soldiers were going to make an example of him. But he was able to escape before they shot him. We’re looking into whether he was the courier that took the payoff or just some innocent shmuck that was in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
“When will you know more about him?”
“It might be a while. Things move slow down there, so I want you to keep an eye on him and see what you might turn up.”
Brenda wondered how she was going to do that. She had fallen in love with Mario and now she was being asked to investigate him. This shouldn’t have happened! She should have kept to herself and just been an agent and not tried so hard to be a girl - a girl with a boyfriend. She especially didn’t want to be the one to find out that Mario was the drug connection for Melissa, if he was at all. She would have to be careful about her feelings toward Mario and try not to get too involved.
“What about the Ron connection?”
“We have a lot of work with that one! Just try to keep your eye on him and Susan when they are around. As much as I hate to say this, I think we might be in this thing for the long haul. Too many things don’t add up.”
“Thanks for the good news! We thought we would be done with this thing in a month.”
“The way it’s going, we’ll be lucky if we’re done in six months. I hate to run Brenda, but I have a date tonight.”
“You have a date? With whom?”
Brenda couldn’t believe her ears! Bill had a date! Who in t he world would want to go out with him? He wasn’t what you could call… a catch. And with his drinking, he smelled of booze. The woman must be really hard up!
“It’s my mother’s birthday and I’m taking her out for dinner.”
“Wish her happy birthday for me,” Brenda replied. For some reason, the old saying ‘a face that only a mother could love’ kept running through her head.
Brenda finished her drink and headed for the front door.
“Hey Brenda. Leaving so soon?” Danny asked.
“I’m expecting a phone call from my girl friend,” Brenda said.
“Well hurry back when you aren’t meeting with your friend.”
“I’ll do that Danny. See you later.”
“Being a girl is so much fun,” Brenda thought, “No more trying to make it with a girl, having guys chase you was so much more fun. All a girl had to do was look half way decent and men would do anything for you. God I love this.” was her only thought.
Chapter 17
Tiffany’s day went differently than Brenda’s. Her first assignment was to be in a show at one of the designers that had seen the Voss ad. And they had to have Tiffany! She was the only girl from Universal and the rest were from various agencies around the city. Tiffany arrived early and was resting.
She was approached by a tall Asian girl, who obviously was a model, “Hi,” she said.
“Hi,” Tiffany responded.
“You’re the Voss girl aren’t you?”
“Yes. How did you know?”
“All of us girls know who is who. It’s part of the game.”
“Why would you want to know that?”
“We need to know who the competition is, after all this is our living. Was that your first big spread?”
“Yes.”
“I’ve had dozens like that and it’s always exciting. Congratulations! You’re very pretty too.”
“Thank you. What’s your name?”
“I’m Ginnie Chan.”
“I’m Tiffany Rollins. Pleased to meet you.”
“What agency represents you?”
“Melissa Benson’s. You know, Universal.”
“You’re with Universal? I was with them until a year and a half ago. I got tired of their BS and went to Ford.”
“What BS?”
“You know the drugs and parties? Wait until you’ve been there for a while, you’ll see what I mean.”
“Tell me more, so I know what I’m getting into.”
“I started with them when I was eighteen, and I had more work than I could keep up with. Melissa kept pushing me until I almost had a nervous breakdown. She gave me some pills to take and I felt better but after a while I needed them just to work. I noticed some of the older girls were also taking pills and other drugs and pretty soon they would disappear. I was curious as to what happened to them, and one of the girls told me that they were working as prostitutes, because they needed the drugs and no longer looked good enough to model. She told me that Melissa owned the brothel and this way she had the finest girls turning tricks for her. She gave them enough money to live and an unlimited source of drugs. When I learned this, I quit and went into rehab and haven’t done drugs since.”
“I didn’t think Melissa was like that.”
“She’s a cold hearted bitch. Watch yourself.”
“Thanks Ginnie! Did you ever learn where she got her drugs?”
“No, all that I know is that she had as much as she wanted.”
“Did she have a boyfriend?”
“I don’t think she’s ever had a real boyfriend. She just dates a lot. Come to think of it, I remember her dating a cop and someone said he was married. I’ll bet she makes him give her information about raids and things like that. I don’t think any of her girls have been arrested.”
“Did you know Natalia?”
“Just briefly. She was a really nice girl, I don’t know why she would have been killed. She played around a lot, if you know what I mean. Maybe a jealous boyfriend killed her? Who knows?”
“Girls, let’s go! It’s show time,” shouted the stage manager.
Tiffany went and put on her first outfit: an ugly pair of pants and a blouse covered by a parka. It was hideous! The next outfit was better: it was a pantsuit and she looked rather nice in it. As the show progressed, the clothing looked better, with the pants being replaced with skirts and finally with dresses. She had to model ten outfits and she knew she was running late for her photo shoot.
She took out her cell phone after the last outfit she wore and called Melissa.
“Universal.”
“Hi Brenda, is Melissa in?”
“She had to go out, why?”
“I wanted her to call the photographer and let him know I’m running late.”
“I’ll do that for you.”
“Thanks Brenda! I’ll call you later, I have some news.”
“Okay Tiffany, catch you later!”
Tiffany made it to her photo session and was only fifteen minutes late.
“I’m sorry I’m running late. The show I was just in started late and screwed me up for time.”
“Don’t worry about it Tiffany. We want you even if you are a little late. Let’s go ahead and get started shall we?” the photographer said.
Tiffany was brought to a makeup station and all of her makeup was removed by the attendant. She was then made up again and photographed. The makeup was removed again and then reapplied with different colors. This went on until late evening: makeup on, makeup off, over and over, until Tiffany was sick of makeup.
“That was the last shot Tiffany. Do you want to wear this makeup home or have it removed?” asked the photographer.
“I’ll remove it when I get home,” she answered.
Tiffany didn’t know how good she looked made up the way she was. She was a show stopper! She walked outside and saw the hustle and bustle of New York City at night. She was hungry and the little pizza place looked good. She walked in and ordered a slice. She went to pay for the pizza and felt a hand on her butt.
“Mighty fine,” she heard a voice say.
“Keep your hands to yourself,” she responded.
“Sorry,” said the smarmy man.
Tiffany ignored him and took her pizza to a table and ate it. She didn’t notice the man was still staring at her. She finished and went to catch a cab. The man came up behind her and grabbed her by the shoulder. That was the wrong move because Tiffany turned and grabbed the man and threw him over her shoulder. The defensive training from the FBI had paid off.
“Ouch, “he yelled, “I’m going to sue you!”
A cop walked up and said, “Is this man bothering you miss?”
“Not anymore,” she replied.
“That was a nice move, do you want to press charges against him? I saw the whole thing and was just about to help you myself. But I can see you can take care of yourself.”
“Thank you officer. I’m fine and you might as well let the creep go, I think he learned his lesson.”
A cab stopped and Tiffany got in and she heard cheering from the crowd that had seen her throw the man, “My kind of woman,” they yelled.
Tiffany smiled. ”If you only knew,” she thought.
It was almost midnight by the time Tiffany arrived home. It was too late to call Brenda now and what she would tell her could wait until the next day.
Brenda was waiting for Tiffany to arrive. She wondered why she hadn’t phoned her the night before.
Tiffany came in a half of an hour late.
“You didn’t call me last night!” Brenda stated.
“I didn’t get home until almost midnight and what I found out wasn’t that important. Since it was so late, I figured it could wait. What about you?’
“I’ll talk to you tonight.”
“Okay.”
Mario arrived minutes later.
“Hey, I have a package for you!”
“For me?”
“Yeah, from some woman named Maria Gomez.”
“From Maria? Thank God!”
“Sign here. I’ll see you for lunch. I hope you didn’t forget?”
“Damn, I did! I have a doctor’s appointment at noon. I’m sorry for that, but we still can have dinner together.”
“That works for me! I’ll see you after work.”
Brenda had forgotten her appointment with the doctor and remembered it when she saw the package from Maria! She tore it open and saw the new breast forms staring at her. “Blessed Relief!” she thought, “my cups runneth over… and they really hurt!”
Brenda went to the ladies room and removed her bra and old forms. They looked huge compared to the new ones, but she knew her breasts would feel better with the new ones. She inserted them into her bra and hooked the back. Brenda let out a sigh! She felt normal again!
In the box was a note.
Dear Brenda, when you asked for new smaller forms I knew you must be growing. I take it you want to become a woman, congratulations and welcome to the club. By the way, if these grow too tight, buy a bigger bra, giggle, giggle, love Maria.
Brenda felt warm toward Maria. She was, after all, her creation. And now, Brenda was carrying it to fruition.
Brenda went to her doctor and was examined by him.
“You’re growing very nicely Brenda. You’re almost an A cup!”
“How big am I going to get?”
“That depends on your family, is your mother very large?”
“Not really, she’s maybe a B. She’s very athletic though.”
“That has nothing to do with her breast size. If that’s the case, you might have already reached your potential breast size already.”
“But I want to be as big as I am right now,” she whined.
“I’m sorry but that won’t happen unless you have implants.”
“Implants? Isn’t that kind of permanent?”
“Your high dosages of hormones are kind of permanent too. They have done more damage than implants will ever do.”
“If I decide to have them, when could it be done?”
“With the hormones you’ve been taking, you have enough breast tissue now as long as you don’t go too big. You know, like some of those double D jobs.”
“Umm no. I just want to look normal, like I do now. I think C would be plenty.”
“We can do this at anytime, so when you make your decision, let me know.”
“I will. And thank you doctor.”
“Why are you thanking me?”
“For being so kind and not passing judgment on me for wanting this thing.”
“Why would I pass judgment? The FBI did this to you, and if being a woman is what you want, then I’m here to do whatever you wish…even the final sacrifice.”
“Sacrifice?”
“You know… the operation: cutting your dick and balls off.”
“That sounds so crude.”
“I’m sorry. I guess I shouldn’t have put it that way. I’m just not used to having a healthy man ask me for breasts.”
“I’m not a man anymore - I’m a woman with the wrong thing between my legs. Someday, that will be fixed. I know I’m making the right decision!”
“I hope so Brenda. I truly hope so.”
Brenda finished the day and returned home to dress for Mario. She decided on a skirt and sweater and three-inch heels. She kind of liked wearing skirts because she liked her legs to be seen.
Mario arrived and escorted Brenda to the waiting cab. Brenda noticed that Annie hadn’t looked out her door when she and Mario passed by. She would have to check up on her friend. Come to think of it, she hadn’t seen Annie for several days. That wasn’t like Annie at all!
“Where are we going for dinner?” Brenda asked.
“Do you like Chinese?”
“I love Chinese.”
“Good, we’re going to Chinatown for some really good food.”
The cab drove the couple to Chinatown and dropped them off at the address Mario had given to the driver.
“This place is a hole in the wall, but they have the best Chinese food in New York,” he said.
“I wouldn’t know the difference, the only Chinese food I’ve ever had was at a shopping mall, but I liked it.”
The couple found a table and seated themselves. No host here.
Mario handed a well worn menu to Brenda.
“What do you like?” he asked.
“The only thing I’ve ever had was sweet and sour pork and fried rice. Why don’t you pick for me?”
“Are you hungry?”
“Just a little.”
“I’ll order three dishes then. They give you a lot of food here.”
Mario ordered the food and turned his attention to Brenda.
“Have you thought about Sunday dinner with me again? My mom really would like for you to be there.”
“I had a wonderful time last week and I really do want to go again, but I’m afraid of rushing things! You hardly know me!!”
“The only way I’m going to get to know you is by spending time with you.”
“And I want to spend time with you too. I’m having very strong feelings for you and I’m sorry if I seem insecure, but I don’t want to get hurt if this doesn’t work out.”
“Brenda, there are no guarantees in life. Especially with what one person feels for another and I’m in the same boat as you - I don’t want to be hurt either! You know I was just dumped by my old girl friend and I was angry. But then I realized that you were there and I knew you were a much better person than my last girl friend. I worry too, because I’m having these feelings also and I’ve never felt like this so soon. It scares me as much as it does you.”
“Since you feel that way… I guess I can go Sunday.”
“You just made my mother’s day!”
Brenda was falling in love with Mario and she absolutely hated that she had to find out more information about him for the investigation. She abhorred it utterly, and secretly hoped that whatever she would find would ultimately clear him from the list.
“Tell me more about your escape from Columbia. Aren’t you worried that they might still be after you?”
“Why would you ask that?”
“Because, I’ve seen all those movies where the bad guys chase after someone, you know to Europe and all over the place. It has me worried about you.”
“It really isn’t like that. I was betrayed, that’s all. I was just lucky not to have been shot and killed.”
“See, that’s what I mean! I don’t know what I would do if something were to happen to you.”
“Nothing’s going to happen.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because those people don’t know where I live and they have no reason to be after me anyway.”
“What about the package they said you took?”
“I didn’t take anything. I had pretty much figured that I was hauling something other than manure, but I also thought it was best that I didn’t ask. What I hadn’t counted on was being stopped by the feds and being asked for the payoff. I never had to do that before and when they asked, I didn’t know what they were talking about. The owner of the truck had always paid whatever it was he paid. I know the feds probably stole whatever I had in the truck and blamed me for it, so I guess a honeymoon in Colombia is out of the question.”
Brenda couldn’t help but laugh at the last remark.
Dinner was served and Brenda loved the meal. She ate things she thought she would never even think of eating: squid and whole steamed fish. It was a lovely dinner.
“Would you like to see a movie?” Mario asked.
“Why don’t we do that this weekend? I’m kind of tired.”
“Are you asking me out?”
“I guess I am,” replied Brenda.
“It’s a date.”
Mario paid for dinner and hailed a cab, bringing Brenda to her home.
“Would you like to come up for a while?” Brenda asked.
“I’d love to. Let me pay the cab real quick.”
Brenda took Mario by the hand as they walked up the stairs into the building. There were no lights showing under Annie’s door. Brenda was becoming really concerned about her friend! Brenda inserted her key, opened the door and turned on the lights.
‘Come on in and make yourself comfortable. I’ll get us something to drink. What would you like?”
“Besides you? What do you have?”
“Some orange juice, coke, or water. Sorry I don’t have any wine or beer.”
“I’ll have some orange juice, please.”
Mario sat down on the sofa to relax. Brenda brought him a glass of juice and then sat down next to him. She wondered how this was going to go. She wanted to be more intimate with Mario and yet, she felt guilty that she did.
She remembered how she had felt when she was Matt, and made out with a girl. At that time, he was rejected, and now, she hated that she might do the same to Mario. All because she didn’t want to have any kind of sexual relations with him, at least, not yet. And mostly for the obvious reason. Remember Brenda, the girl is in charge!
“Is the juice cold enough?”
“It’s perfect. Thank you.”
“May I ask you something Mario?”
“Anything.”
“Would you kiss me?”
Mario didn’t answer. Instead, he took Brenda in his arms and touched her lips to his. Brenda placed her hands around Mario’s neck and pulled him in tight as she felt the strength of his kiss. The longer the kisses lasted, the deeper in love she was falling. Her lips parted and she felt Mario’s tongue enter her mouth. “So intimate and so loving,” she thought, “almost like having sex.” Brenda felt herself being lowered onto the sofa and Mario’s weight pressing against her. Stay in control Brenda! Stay in control! She felt Mario’s hand caressing her breast.
“Please don’t Mario! I’m not ready for that yet. Please?” she said in her softest voice.
Mario pulled his hand away and said, “I’ll only go as far as you want sweetheart, I, I, I love you.”
Mario had said the magic words: I love you. Brenda responded with a deep kiss.
“I love you too,” she said.
Brenda and Mario kissed again with many thoughts swirling around inside Brenda’s head. How can I be objective with Mario? What if he’s lying to me about Colombia? And what am I going to do if he finds out about me? I should have never done this… with him.
“Mario, we have to talk,” Brenda said as their last kiss ended.
“About what sweetheart?”
“Us. Mario, there’s something I have to say to you and I’m not sure if you will like it. But I have to tell you how I feel about something. When I marry, I want to be a virgin. I feel that that’s right for my husband. I wanted to tell you this so you won’t expect anything more from me. I’m sorry if I led you on to thinking you could have more, but I just can’t do it. I hope you will understand.”
Mario hugged Brenda and said, “I’m so lucky to have found a girl like you! You have no idea how many sluts there are these days and to have found a girl with morals! God I love you!”
Brenda felt relief! She no longer had to fear that her secret would be found out. As long as she was able to stay in control.
“I’m going to have to kick you out now. I have to get my beauty sleep.”
“Ok sweetie. Have a goodnight,” Mario said with one last kiss.
The rest of the week was pretty much like the first part of the week for Brenda with the exception that Ralph Larsen paid his customary visit.
“May I help you?” Brenda asked.
“I’m Ralph Larsen and I’m here to see Melissa Benson.”
“Yes Mr. Larsen, I remember you from the last time you were here.”
“Miss Benson, Mr. Larsen is here to see you.”
“Send him in.”
“Miss Benson says to go right on in.”
Brenda noted that he was carrying the same size package as before and wondered what might be inside of it. It was the perfect size for two kilos of drugs. Ralph stayed with Melissa for about an hour before he left. Brenda wished she could be a fly on the wall at times like this.
Melissa came out of her office and her face was flushed.
“Keep next Tuesday open Brenda. I’m having a party to celebrate Tiffany’s success,” Melissa said.
“Yes Melissa. Oh Melissa, who’s Mr. Larsen?”
“Just a friend Brenda, just a friend.”
“If he comes here when you aren’t here, should I sign for his packages?”
“He never comes here unless I’m here. Is that understood?”
“Yes, sorry for asking.”
“I’m sorry for snapping at you Brenda. You didn’t know. Ralph’s a friend and we go way back. Don’t concern yourself with him.”
“Okay.”
Brenda arrived at home and knocked on Annie’s door. She was worried that something had happened to her. The door across the hall opened and Brenda heard a voice ask, “May I help you?”
Brenda turned and saw an elderly black man with white hair and stooped shoulders and said, “I’m looking for Annie. I’m a friend of hers. I live in 3A, upstairs.”
“You must be the new girl. I’m William Washington. I’ve heard you coming and going but haven’t had time to say hi. I’m really making an excuse. My old body just doesn’t move fast enough anymore to get to the door before you are gone.”
Brenda extended her hand and felt the firm grip his hands had, the strength of a man twenty years younger than he looked.
“It’s nice to meet you William. Do you know what happened to Annie?
“She left a couple of days ago. She said she had to go up to Boston because her daughter-in-law had a miscarriage. Is there something I can help you with?”
“No, I was just worried. I think of Annie as a really good friend.”
“We all do. It’s nice to finally meet you Brenda and, if you need anything, just knock on my door.”
“I will and thank you.”
Friday came and Brenda went to lunch and called Bill Cline.
“Bill I need you to investigate Ralph Larsen. I think he’s the drug source.”
“What makes you think that?”
“Because he spends a lot of time with Melissa and the only time he comes here is when she’s here.”
“You may be right. We haven’t been able to find anything on this guy. It's almost like he doesn’t exist.”
“Well keep searching, I know he’s the one. Maybe you should follow him the next time he comes here. At least you will know where he lives.”
“Don’t be a smart ass Brenda! You know we don’t have a lot of field agents.”
“Seriously Bill! I just know he is the one! He won’t be here again for at least three weeks and when he gets here I’ll call you. That way you won’t have a lot of down time.”
“That might work. If what you say is right, then this thing will finally be over.”
Brenda returned to work and found a distraught Tiffany.
“What’s wrong?” Brenda asked.
“I’m so damned tired, and these goddamned guys keep hitting on me!”
“Keep it down Tiffany! Someone will hear! I think I have good news. I think the drug source is Ralph Larsen. It’s going to be a number of weeks before he can be investigated but it won’t be too much longer before this will all be over. Hang in there!”
“I’m trying to Brenda. But you have no idea…no idea, what this is like for me.”
“I think I do! After all we started this thing together.”
“No you don’t! You want to be a girl, or at least you want to enjoy this girl thing. But I HATE IT. I want to be a man again! RIGHT NOW! I’m sorry… but fuck this shit. I’ve HAD IT!”
“Tiffany! I don’t want to be an asshole, but if you screw this thing up now, you can kiss your career goodbye… and mine too!”
“Brenda, I’m different than you. I know what we’re doing and all that. How am I going to explain to my family that I’m a model? A fucking female model?”
“They will never find out, unless you tell them.”
“But my picture was in the paper.”
“Do they take the times?”
“In Minnesota?”
“Exactly! That is what I’m talking about. No one will ever know.”
“I still worry.”
“Don’t. I hate to bring this up, but what about Robert?”
“Robert?”
“Yes Robert. Remember him? The guy you kissed?”
“FUCK HIM! I found out he’s gay and just goes out with girls to make a statement.”
“It sounds as if that bothers you?”
“Why wouldn’t it? A gay guy kissed me… wouldn’t it bother you?”
“Tiffany, sometimes you can be such an ass, think about it! A gay guy kissed you… a desirable woman, not a boy, but you - Tiffany. Did you think that maybe you might be contributing to the delinquency of a gay? After all, you are a woman.”
Tiffany started laughing hysterically, she couldn’t help it. Some minutes later she limply drawled, “Fuck you Matt!”
Tiffany settled down after that and decided that her career was more important than her feelings. If a man bothered her, she could do like the ad says ‘just say no’.
Sunday came and Mario brought Brenda to another Sunday dinner. She made the usual impression on his mother. Mario’s mother wondered why she never learned to cook.
“Your mother never taught you how to cook? Marie asked.
“Are you kidding? My mom thought hamburger helper was a feast.”
“I can’t believe that! A woman that doesn’t know how to cook?”
“I’d be glad to learn,” Brenda said in a soft tone of voice.
“Hey Mario! I want you to bring Brenda by here whenever she wants! I want to teach her how to cook,” Marie yelled into the other room.
“Yes mom!” came the reply.
Marie did teach Brenda some basics this day and every Sunday for months, because Brenda and Mario had become an item. Brenda wasn’t some slut Mario was sleeping with, she was a sweet and wonderful girl. Marie had fallen in love with her as much as Mario had. She just knew that Brenda would make a wonderful daughter-in-law.
Edited and decrypted from Ancient Scrolls by Sephrena Lynn Miller
Runway | Chapter 18:
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Tuesday came and it was party time. Brenda was to co-ordinate the event. There were people from all over the fashion industry wanting to meet the Voss girl.
Chapter 18: Ouch it Hurts -
Tuesday came and it was party time. Brenda was to co-ordinate the event. There were people from all over the fashion industry wanting to meet the Voss girl.
“I have to meet that girl,” said Jasmine Kurtz from Style magazine. “She’s so hot, we have to have her.”
And so it went, everyone wanted Tiffany. Everyone except Connie, she wanted her drugs and she wasn’t about to let Tiffany spoil her needs.
“What about me?” Connie asked as she grabbed Jasmine’s arm.
“You’re so much yesterday, Tiffany is now, get away!” Jasmine said as she pulled away from Connie.
“She’s new, she’s a bitch, I’m the one everyone wants,” Connie replied.
Connie knew she was on borrowed time, the drugs had taken their toll, but she wasn’t going to give up without a fight. She didn’t want to turn tricks again, but if that’s what she had to do for her coke then maybe she could do it. The last guy was disgusting; but after he was done he left a thousand dollar tip and if that happened every time, well, maybe she could put up with it. There were a lot worse things than being screwed.
“Girl, I hate to tell you this; but the world wants Tiffany, and my magazine does so leave me alone.” Jasmine said, not thinking of the impact it would have on Connie
Connie felt shattered; her world was coming to an end. She was the diva of Universal and now this bitch was taking her place, she had to do something about it. She would talk to Melissa.
“Melissa, may I have a word with you?” Connie asked.
“What about?”
“Tiffany.”
“Come into my office, we need to get some things straight.”
The two women went into Melissa’s office and close the door.
“Okay, what’s up Connie?” Melissa asked.
“It’s Tiffany, I’m the number one model here and everyone is asking for her.”
“I hate to pop your balloon, but you aren’t the number one girl anymore.”
“You can make me number one again, just be done with the whore.”
“You stupid little bitch, do you have any idea of how much money Tiffany is going to make for me? You were a model, straight forward, a model, but Tiffany is a super-star. There are businesses tripping all over themselves to have her, and she doesn’t even know how popular she is, and as far as you are concerned, you work for me. I have another man for you to sleep with tonight because you owe me, I made you popular and I gave you what you desired, and if you want that, sleep with the prick.”
Connie couldn’t believe how blunt Melissa had been. She had come to her as a fresh young girl. Risen above most models as a girl that people thought as being sexy yet innocent, and now she was asking her to sleep with men. She had done it once; but that was because she had too, but now, she was telling her to become a whore, she wasn’t going to do that, no way.
“Fuck you, you bitch. I’ll be damned if I’m going to be a whore for you or anyone else,” Connie spat out.
“That’s fine with me Connie, I’m not worried, if you work for me, you are one, if not, that’s your choice, but remember, when you get sick, I can make you feel better.” Melissa said with a sneer.
Melissa had been though this before, almost all of her girls had said the same thing, ‘fuck you, I’m not going to do this again’, but she knew they all came back for the drugs, scream and yell all you want, but I own you, Melissa thought with a smirk on her face.
The party went well as far as Brenda and Tiffany were concerned, dance, have a drink and mingle. Watch closely, was anyone doing drugs, they didn’t know. Some of the girls would go into Melissa’s office but they didn’t know for sure if anything illegal was taking place, they would have to gain Melissa’s trust before they would be privy to the apparent drug scene taking place in her office.
The weeks past and soon it was a month. Ralph Larsen hadn’t visited yet and Brenda was becoming insecure about her suspicions. Why hadn’t he visited Melissa she wondered?
It was the time of month that all the new magazines came out and the issues were delivered to the office. They were packed in a large bundle by the postal service to facilitate delivery. Brenda cut the binding and separated the issues. She grabbed the issue of Cosmopolitan because of the racy headlines and turned open the cover. There was a full two page add for Revlon cosmetics with photo’s of Tiffany wearing Revlon makeup. She was gorgeous. Tiffany had the quality to draw a person into the photo, you didn’t just look at the picture, she made you become part of the picture, she made you want to buy Revlon cosmetics, it made you want to be her.
Brenda called into Melissa’s office, “Melissa, you have to see this? Tiffany has a two page spread.”
“Two pages, my God, we just hit the jackpot, let me see.”
Brenda brought the magazine into Melissa’s office and placed it on her desk. Melissa opened it excitedly and let out a whoop.
“Let me see the other magazines, I’ll bet our girl is in other ads as well.”
Melissa and Brenda searched the pile of magazines and found Tiffany in several more ads, some obscure and some very prominent, Tiffany was now a star whether she wanted to be or not. Her life was now going to take a very serious turn.
Tiffany wasn’t aware of the release of the photo advertisement and had gone directly to a fashion show from home. It wasn’t until she was finished working the runway did she become aware that something was amiss.
“Are you Tiffany Rollins?” asked a woman.
“Yes,” she answered.
“Would you sign this for me?” she asked excitedly, while she handed Tiffany a copy of the Revlon add.
Tiffany took the magazine and pen from the lady and saw her picture for the first time and gasped, “Oh my God, it’s me.” Tiffany signed the advertisement and handed it back to the woman.
“Miss, would you sign this for me?”
“Tiffany, please?” came another request.
Bedlam was breaking out and Tiffany didn’t know what to do except sign her autograph. A hundred signatures later she was able to get away from the throng and find a taxi to Universal.
Tiffany entered the offices.
“Tiffany, did you see it, you’re in Cosmo, God, you look good,” Brenda said.
“I saw it when a woman asked me to autograph it for her.”
“I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw it, what did you think when you saw it?”
“I couldn’t believe it was me, and then people started asking me for my autograph and then I knew, it was me.”
“The phone hasn’t stopped ringing, everyone wants you for their promotions, you’re going to be famous.”
“I don’t want to be famous, I just want to finish what we came here to do.”
“Aren’t you excited just a little bit?”
“Maybe a little, is Melissa in?”
“Yes, she’s on the phone with Lexus, something about using you for a shoot.”
“I’m going to get a drink in the break room, let her know I’m here when she’s done.”
Tiffany went to rest and Ron came through the door.
“Got to check the air balance,” he stated, “Is Tiffany in?”
“What’s Tiffany got to do with the air balance?”
“She was so hot looking in that photo that she’s going to make the building sizzle.”
“Ron, you’re out there, she’s in the break room.”
It was hard to imagine that Ron’s brother was in prison for drug possession, Ron seemed to be a nice guy, but looks can be deceiving. If it weren’t for Ralph Larsen he would be a suspect. As fate may have it Ralph walked through the door.
“Good morning Brenda, is Melissa busy?” he asked.
Brenda’s heart jumped with excitement, maybe now they would find out more about Ralph Larsen.
“Good morning Mr. Larsen, I’ll see if she can see you, she’s been very busy this morning. Melissa, Ralph Larsen is here to see you and Tiffany just came in,” she said into the phone.
“Send Ralph in, Tiffany can wait,” she responded.
“Melissa said to go on in, Mr. Larsen.”
“Thanks Brenda, you look nice today by the way.”
“Thank you sir.”
Brenda grabbed her cell phone and called Bill Cline.
“Bill Cline.”
“He’s here, he’s here,” Brenda whispered excitedly.
“Who is this?”
“It’s Brenda, and Ralph Larsen is in seeing Melissa.”
“Good, I’ll have someone there in half of an hour to follow him, maybe now we will get some answers, thanks Brenda.”
“You’re welcome, let me know when you find something.”
“You’ll be the first to know.”
Ralph stayed his usual hour before he exited Melissa’s office. He left the package he was carrying and exited empty handed.
“See you next month Ralph,” Melissa said from her office door. She was flushed looking again. “Brenda, would you send Tiffany in please?”
Brenda went to the lunchroom and told Tiffany that Melissa wanted to see her.
Tiffany entered Melissa’s office and she asked Tiffany to close the door.
“Tiffany, you won’t believe the excitement your ad in Cosmo is creating, everyone wants you. Lexus wants you for a nationwide ad. In addition to still photos they want to shoot a video staring you. Several other cosmetic companies have expressed interest in you also; but before I allow you to be in their ads, I want to wait for Revlon to make you an offer to be theirs exclusively. If they do, which I think will happen, you will become a very rich young lady.”
“I have a lot of work for you and I need you to take care of your health. If you feel tired I can give you something to get you over the hump, just ask. Now run along and get some rest, you have two shows tomorrow and a photo shoot tomorrow night. The next day you have one show, but there is a party for you to attend and you will be modeling some spring fashions as a preview of the upcoming show, is there anything I can help you with?”
“What am I supposed to do with all the people asking for autographs?”
“Give them one unless you want to be known as a prima-donna; or a conceited bitch and that will kill your career faster than it started, give your fans what they want, a little piece of you.”
“I’ll try, it’s kind of exciting being wanted like that.”
“Enjoy it Tiffany, it doesn’t last forever.”
Tiffany exited Melissa’s office and Brenda asked if everything was okay.
“Everything is perfect. Call me later at home, I’m going to get some rest.”
Brenda had her doctor’s appointment that afternoon and had some questions about her breast development.
“Doctor, how much longer is it going to take before my breasts grow as large as I want them to be?”
“You stated that you wanted C cup breasts didn’t you?”
“Yes.”
“As I recall you also told me your mother wasn’t much above average size.”
“Yes that’s correct, what does that have to do with me?”
“You’re a man; and try as you may; you’re only going to be a size or more less than your mother. That’s why I suggested implants, that way you can be any size you want.”
“My breasts have stopped hurting as much as they did, does that mean they’ve stopped growing?”
“Probably so.”
“If I have the implants how long will it take to heal?”
“It will take two weeks for the swelling to go down and you will be able to wear a regular bra. The bruising takes longer to disappear but it won’t be noticeable unless you remove your bra. It takes around six weeks for everything to return to normal, but the first two weeks are the most important.”
“If I decide, when could I have it done?”
“You’re a special case; the government owes you so if you wanted them now I could make the arrangements.”
Brenda sat silently thinking, it’s so permanent and what if I change my mind later, then what, what am I thinking, I want to be a woman and I want breasts, the hell with it.
“I’ll do it doctor, when can it be done?”
“You name the day and I’ll make it happen.”
“Can I have it done this Friday?”
“If you would like.”
“Will I be able to return to work Monday?”
“Most likely, just be careful.”
“I’ll see you Friday,” she said excitedly.
Brenda returned to work and finished the day fielding a raft of phone calls, most of which were about Tiffany.
Brenda arrived at home and noted that Annie’s lights still weren’t on, something serious must have happened to her daughter-in-law she thought.
Brenda called Tiffany, they had to talk.
“Hello,” Tiffany answered.
“Hi, it’s me, so what’s up?”
“Nothing much except Melissa offered me something to help me if I get tired.”
“Good, take her up on it, just don’t take it. Has she said anything to you about Ralph Larsen?”
“No, but I noticed a package on her desk and one end was torn and I saw some pill bottles inside.”
“I knew it, I just know he’s the source of her drugs. They have a tail on him now so it won’t be long before this is all over. Has Ron said anything to you?”
“Just the same dumb ass shit he always says, when are you going to go out with me, you know stuff like that.”
“I would ask you to go out with him but since Ralph’s the bad guy we don’t have to worry anymore.”
“I wouldn’t go out with him no matter what.”
“Why not, it would have been for the agency.”
“Yuk, you know how I feel about all this.”
“What about your new popularity/”
“I’m having trouble with that, it’s exciting to be so much in demand, but I don’t know,” Tiffany pondered, “I’ll have to see how it works out.”
“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
The next day the letters started to pour in and most of them were addressed to Tiffany.
Mario came in as usual and Brenda greeted him cheerfully.
“Hi, what’s a good looking guy like you doing in a neighborhood like this?” she asked.
“Looking for the love of my life, you haven’t seen her have you?”
“Umm, not really,” she giggled. “Look at these letters for Tiffany, can you believe it, two bundles of them.”
“Ever since that ad, she’s all anyone talks about, how’s she handling all this?”
“I’m not sure, I don’t think she’s ready for the big time just yet.”
“Well at least none of these packages are for her. Could you sign for them, I have a lot of deliveries today.”
Brenda signed the board and Mario was on his way. Damn, I forgot to tell him I might not be able to see him this weekend depending on how the surgery goes, I’ll just have to see how I feel afterward, she thought.
Tiffany arrived and Brenda handed her the letters.
“What is this?” she asked.
“Letters from your fans.”
“What am I supposed to do with them?”
“You read them and answer them, it will give you something to do between assignments.”
“But there’s so many,” she whined.
“Then you’d better start reading,” giggled Brenda.
“Will you help me, please?” Tiffany groveled.
“Okay, you take half and give me the rest, I’ll do what I can.”
The girls each took one bundle and started opening letters and reading them. Brenda suggested that they make several different piles, one for people asking for money, one for the sicko’s asking for sex, and one for fans that just want to say hi, the star struck ones. When they were finished the third pile had the least amount of letters, which made it easy for Tiffany to respond. She would ignore the other stacks not wanting to acknowledge the perverted suggestions from some sick creep, and she could use the money herself, she hadn’t even received any royalties yet. Tiffany sent a thank you note to the rest with an autographed picture and decided this really wasn’t as bad as she thought it would be.
Brenda asked Melissa to excuse her Friday for personal reasons.
“Call a temp agency and have them send someone over to cover for you. The way things are going with Tiffany, I’ll need someone on the phones.”
“I will, and thank you Melissa,” Brenda said.
Everything was arranged, all she had to do was call the doctor for instructions and poof, she would have boobs.
“Doctor this is Brenda, I need to know what I’m supposed to bring on Friday and anything else I need to know?” she asked.
“You’ll need a good bra when we remove your dressings, not one of those lacy little things, but one that will support you. You will need to have a friend help you home afterward. Don’t eat anything after eight the night before, and don’t take any aspirin or pain killers until after surgery because they keep your blood from clotting. Be here at seven so you can be prepped, are you sure you really want to do this? You can still change you mind.”
“The more I’ve thought about it the more I want to do it, I’ll see you Friday,” Brenda said.
“Not really, I don’t do the surgery, we have an expert do it, actually he’s the best, you’re lucky, I’ve seen some botched jobs and I’ve seen what he does, you would hardly even know they weren’t real,” he said.
“Thank you for all you’re doing doctor,” Brenda said.
“It’s the least we can do for you Brenda, you’re the one that’s put your life on the line.”
“I’m an agent, that’s what we do,” Brenda said.
“You’ve done more than that Brenda, you’ve changed sex for us and we’ll be forever in your debt for that,” he said.
“I should be the one to thank you, goodbye doctor,” Brenda said as she lowered the phone.
Everything was pretty straight forward, don’t eat, don’t take any medicine and bring a friend, what friend, Brenda didn’t have any friends that she wanted to tell about the surgery. She couldn’t tell Tiffany or Annie about this and certainly not Mario, she had to call someone, but who?
Brenda heard the voice answer the phone.
“Hello.”
“Ashley?”
“Yes.”
“Ashley, I don’t know if you remember me, this is Brenda, you did my hair a little while back?”
“Brenda, of course I do, do you need me to fix your hair again?” she asked.
“Well yes, but that’s not why I called you, I need a really big favor from you.”
“What’s that?”
“I’m having surgery Friday and I need someone to help me get home afterward.”
“What kind of surgery?”
“I’m getting a boob job.”
“Do you mean that wasn’t all you when we met?”
“God no, I wish it was so I wouldn’t have to do this now.”
“Well don’t worry, it’s not that bad, I had mine done a couple of years ago and I’d be more than happy to help you. I’ll bring my things and might as well work on your hair after you get home. You won’t want to do anything for a couple of days anyway.”
“Thanks so much Ashley, I’ll call you tonight with the address, I’ll talk to you later.”
Brenda called Ashley that night and gave her the address of the clinic and went to bed.
Thursday was pretty much like the previous day, except that the quantity of letters to Tiffany had increased fourfold, she was becoming overwhelmed.
Mario came with his delivery and Brenda asked him if they could have lunch together.
“Sure, is there anything wrong?”
“No, I just have to talk to you about something, I’ll see you at lunch.”
Mario came and escorted Brenda to a nearby restaurant for something to eat and to talk.
“Mario, I can’t see you this weekend,” Brenda said.
“Why not?” he asked.
“I have some things to take care of and this weekend would be best time for me, I hope you understand?” she said.
“I’m fine with that, we are just, well we are, how can I say this without being too forward, I think we are lovers.”
“We are even though we haven’t done the thing, you know what I mean?” Brenda asked innocently.
“I know. Look, I understand, if you need some time alone, I’m okay with that, have some fun, it’s not like I don’t want to spend some time with my friends too.”
“It’s not that, I don’t know, God I’m being such an airhead.”
“Come here,” Mario said and spread his arms. He gave Brenda a hug that said I love you and don’t be so insecure.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know how you would feel if I didn’t go to dinner on Sunday and not spend time with you,” Brenda said, her insecurities showing.
“If we don’t get away now and then we’ll smother each other, go have fun but remember that I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Mario and Brenda kissed and Brenda felt better about missing the Sunday family function.
Friday came and Brenda’s alarm rang, it was five AM. This was earlier than usual for her, but she had to shower and be at the clinic by seven. Brenda savored her shower. This would be the last until the doctor told her she could take one again. She felt the water caressing her breasts, it felt good and even though they weren’t big they were very sensitive. I hope they feel this good after the operation she thought. Brenda finished her shower and dressed, no sense wearing my forms anymore, I won’t need them and threw them in the drawer.
Brenda wore a loose pair of sweats so she would be comfortable after the operation. She packed her bag and departed. When she reached the bottom of the stairs Annie opened her door.
“Brenda, hi, I’m sorry I haven’t had time to see you since I returned from Boston. You’re off early, aren’t you working today?”
“No I have something to do and took the day off from work. I have to meet a girl friend later and she might stay with me this weekend, if that’s alright?”
“Of course it is, there’s no rule against having guests now and then, it’s nice to see you Brenda, I’ll talk to you later and tell you all about Boston.”
“Okay, I’ll see you later Annie.”
Brenda caught the subway to the clinic and entered five minutes early.
“May I help you?” asked the duty nurse.
“I’m Brenda Watson and I’m here for, well you know?”
Brenda felt embarrassed. She knew the nurse knew why she was here, that was because her vanity had won over her practical side and she wanted larger breasts. The nurse could see her discomfort.
“Brenda, we’ve been expecting you, you’re a lucky girl, Dr. Branson is the best at these procedures, you’ll be beautiful when he’s done. Did you follow your instructions for today?”
“Yes, I haven’t had anything to eat since yesterday.”
“Perfect, go into that room and remove all your clothing, put on the smock hanging inside the door and come back out so I can listen to your heart and take your blood pressure.”
“Yes, nurse.”
“Call me Gloria, sweetheart.”
“Thanks Gloria.”
Brenda entered the room and removed all her clothing and put the smock on. She felt a chill as the air blew through the opening in the rear. She felt her nipples become hard as the cool air caressed them. Her hands felt the two small bumps where her new breasts would be inserted. Even though she had small breasts, they were breasts, woman’s breasts and she felt pleased.
Gloria examined Brenda and then was asked to lie on a gurney, an IV was inserted into her arm and she rested until the doctor arrived.
“Good morning Brenda, I’m Dr. Branson, are you ready for your big day?”
“Yes,” Brenda said.
Dr. Branson was a thin man and not much taller than Brenda. His hair was thinning and Brenda noted that he had a gentle manner about him when he shook her hand.
“We might as well get started then. We’re going to put you under, I’m sure you don’t want to watch and I’ll make an incision below each nipple and then I’ll insert your implants. They have approved silicone implants so I’m going to use those instead of saline because the results are better and feel more natural. This won’t take long, a little over an hour and you will be able to go home this afternoon. Are you ready for your nap?”
Brenda liked Dr. Branson, even though he wasn’t a big man he had a confident air about him that made her relax and she knew she would be in good hands.
“I’m ready.”
Gloria injected a solution into the IV tube.
“Count backwards from one hundred Brenda,” she said.
“One hundred, ninety nine, ninety eight, ninety sem, niinet,”
“Brenda, Brenda, how do you feel?”
Who’s voice was that, I’m sleeping, yuk, there’s drool running from my mouth, can’t move my arms, why does my chest feel heavy, let me sleep.
“Brenda wake up, it’s all over, everything went fine.”
It’s that voice again, leave me alone, can’t you see I’m sleeping, what do you mean everything went fine. Brenda opened one eye and then the other and saw the bright fluorescent tubes above her head on the ceiling. What am I doing here and where is here?
“Wake up Brenda, how do you feel?”
“Argh, I feel terrible,” she croaked.
“Sip this water, your throat is dry.”
Brenda sipped the water through a straw and felt the cool liquid comfort her parched throat.
“Thank you, I’m tired, I want to sleep,” Brenda whined.
“It’s the anesthesia wearing off, you’ll be fine in a little while, how do you feel?”
“Like someone beat me up,” she groaned.
“You’ll feel better in a little while, but you’re going to be sore until everything is healed.”
“My breasts, how did they come out.”
“They’re beautiful.”
“When can I see them?”
“Not until next week when we remove your bandages.”
“When can I go home?”
“In a couple of hours, you’ll need someone to take you though.”
“My friend Ashley is coming for me.”
“Okay, why don’t you rest until then.”
Brenda rested but didn’t sleep. She wondered what in the world she just did to herself, had she lost her mind? How was she going to hide these things on her chest, they couldn’t be put in the drawer like her forms, these were part of her now. Had she really thought this whole thing through or did she have this done without a rational thought in her head, was she becoming a bimbo that wanted big boobs? She giggled at that thought, no, or she would have had those double D’s implanted, she just wanted to feel like a normal woman with a normal body, and what’s wrong with wanting to look good in a tank top?
“Brenda, how do you feel?”
Brenda recognized Ashley’s voice.
“Sore, but better.”
“Your nurse says you can go after the doctor looks at you.”
“Good, I’m ready to get out of here, I want to go home.”
Dr. Branson came in and greeted Brenda.
“How’s my best patient doing?”
“Fine, Dr. this is Ashley, she’s here to take me home.”
“It’s nice to meet you Ashley, would you mind stepping out of the room for a minute so I can look at Brenda?”
“Sure, I’ll be right out side.”
Dr. Branson Lifted Brenda’s gown and removed her dressings and examined his handy work.
“Very nice, everything looks beautiful. Brenda, I’m going to wrap you now and I don’t want you to remove the bandages until I see you next week. After that you will be able to wear a bra. I’m going to prescribe some pain killers in case you become too uncomfortable, but only use them if you can’t bear the pain, see you next week.”
“Thank you doctor.”
Gloria came in and helped Brenda dress and then she left with Ashley in a cab. They were dropped of in front of Brenda’s apartment.
Brenda opened the door and the two girls went up to Brenda’s apartment. Brenda opened the door and they went inside.
“Wow, you have a nice place,” stated Ashley
“Thanks, make yourself at home, I told my landlady you would be here until Sunday so if you meet a woman named Annie, don’t be surprised if she asks you lots of questions.”
“Thanks for the warning, I’m a little hungry do you have anything to eat?”
“In the refrigerator, do you mind if I lie down, I don’t feel very good.”
“That’s the anesthesia wearing off, drink some water and go rest, I can look after myself.”
“Thanks Ashley, you’re a true friend.”
Brenda went to her bed and laid down and was soon fast asleep. She was dreaming and talking in her sleep. She woke four hours later and her stomach was growling, she was hungry. She could hear the television in the other room.
“Ashley?”
“Brenda, you’re awake, how do you feel?” Ashley asked, as she walked into the room
“I’m hungry and my chest hurts a little.”
“Let me fix something for you, maybe some soup, you shouldn’t eat anything too heavy just yet.”
“That sounds good, I feel so much better now that I’ve rested, did I snore?”
“No, but you talked a lot.”
“I hope I wasn’t swearing.”
“No silly, but you kept talking about some guy named Matt. You kept saying you were sorry about something, I couldn’t quite make it out, who’s Matt, a rejected boyfriend?”
Oh God, what can I say to Ashley, I can’t let her know I’m Matt, she would never understand, what am I going to say to her, think Brenda think.
“Brenda, did you tell him you were a boy, is that what happened?” Ashley asked.
Brenda turned white and lay back down on the bed, how did she know I’m a boy, she must have peeked, fuck I’m so screwed she thought.
“Brenda, are you all right, what’s wrong?” Ashley asked with obvious concern in her voice.
Brenda was finally able to answer, “You know?”
“I know what?”
“That I’m a boy, how, how did you find out?”
“I knew when I did your hair the first time we met. When I washed your hair and it was pulled back I could tell by the shape of your head, there was something masculine about it. No one would notice except someone like me, we become quite expert at it.”
“I didn’t think anyone could tell.”
“It was hard even for me, you’re very pretty and extremely feminine so I wouldn’t worry, now who’s Matt?”
“I’m Matt, or I was at one time.”
“Why were you apologizing to him?”
“I don’t know, maybe because I had this done to myself, I really don’t know,” Brenda answered, wistfully.
“There’s no reason to feel bad about this, you’re just becoming the girl you have always wanted to be.”
“It’s not quite that simple Ashley, I didn’t even know about being a girl until nine months ago,” Brenda said.
“Do you mean you never thought about being a girl before that?”
“No, all I ever thought about was surfing, then I got this job and I had to become a girl for it.”
“That doesn’t make sense, you became a girl so you could work as a receptionist, you could have done that as a male,” Ashley said.
“There’s more to it than that. You had better sit down, because I have a lot to tell you.”
Ashley sat and Brenda started at the beginning.
“Ashley, you have to swear to secrecy about what I’m about to tell you.”
“I won’t tell anyone, I promise.”
“You can’t tell anyone, not even your mother or I could be killed.”
“I promise Brenda, what are you a member of the mob or something?”
“No, just the opposite, I’m an FBI agent and this started as part of a disguise.”
“A disguise, who in the world would make a guy become a girl as part of a disguise, that’s sick.”
“It wasn’t supposed to go this far, I was supposed to look like a girl and that was it, but it became more than that with me. After I trained to look and act like a girl, I found that I wanted to really be one and that I don’t want to be a man again, is that wrong?” Brenda asked.
“You’re asking the wrong person that question, or maybe you haven’t noticed that I haven’t finished myself yet, tell me how this all started.”
“I just graduated from the academy and saw a notice about an undercover assignment in New York and applied for it. I didn’t know it was for a girl and as a prank they made me up to look like one. The director saw what the guys had done to me and thought it was a good idea using a man instead of a woman, so they trained me to look and act like a girl.”
“The only problem was that I wasn’t feminine looking, so they started me on hormones with the reassurance that it could be reversed if I didn’t take them for too long. After several months my body started changing and so did my brain. I liked what was happening to me, it was exciting feeling myself changing into a woman. I liked it so much that I decided to become a woman. I wanted bigger breasts and that’s why I did what I did, you don’t think I’m making a mistake do you?”
“Brenda, I’m not saying you made a mistake, but it is a big step from wearing some makeup to having implants, we need to talk more about this. I know this may sound silly but did you ever dress up like a girl when you were young, or at least want to?”
“No, why would I want to do that? If I did my brothers would have killed me.”
“Because it would show that you wanted to be a girl all your life. When I was young I couldn’t wait to get into my mothers clothes. I hated playing with boys and loved playing with girls, there were a lot of things that were different about me and why I am who I am today, I’ve always wanted to be a girl, I just don’t understand why you would want to become one?”
“I don’t know either; I just know it’s what I want. Maybe it’s because when I do something I do it one hundred percent and I love an adventure. It was like surfing, things start out small but as your confidence grows, so do the waves and you have to make a decision as to whether you want to risk your life by riding a wave that can easily kill you. I have always ridden that wave and have nearly died doing it, but I go back and try again and that’s what this has been like for me.”
“When this started I wanted to be the best girl I could be. I didn’t think about what might happen to my manhood, I just kind of put it away and figured I would get it back when I wanted it, but I was wrong about that. After I had been on the hormones for a while I noticed my body was changing, it was getting soft and a little curvy, and I felt delicate. I had lost weight and yet I felt fat so I worked on my waist, you know sit-ups and things like that and it grew smaller. I didn’t get that six-pack of muscle but a cute waist. It made my hips look curvier and when I saw the result I wanted to try even harder to look like a girl.”
“I thought the hormones were only doing things to my body but they were changing how I thought. I’ve always been an emotional person, you know laugh or get angry but one day I started crying for the smallest reason. I can’t even remember why, all I know was that I couldn’t stop. After that day I felt different about what I had done, I felt like I was a young girl. Gone was the surfer dude. He had been replaced by a girl entering puberty. I would look in the mirror and see that my hair wasn’t as long as I wished it was, or my makeup wasn’t perfect, I couldn’t make my mind up as to what I should wear, all the things young girls worry about.”
“One day in the shower I noticed my breasts felt different, they were very sensitive and they hurt. I didn’t know at the time they were starting to bud so I didn’t say anything to anyone. If I had they probably would have cut back on my hormones. When I saw the first swelling I got excited, not sexually but as a girl that’s finally making the big step into womanhood, I was growing breasts. It was at that time the agency wanted to stop the hormones and I decided against it and asked that they increase the dosage. I had signed a paper that said if anything happened during this experiment, they would pay for whatever costs were involved and I couldn’t lose my job if something happened that couldn’t be reversed.”
“I think the day that pushed me over the edge was the last day we were in training. We went to a nightclub to find out what having men chase after you was like. My teacher said there is nothing like the real thing to find out so we went dancing. Guys were all over us, buying drinks for us, dancing and flirting, it was a rush. I had always been the pursuer before but now I was being pursued and I liked the feeling. I was naíve of course and being like a young girl didn’t know the bounds and had my first kiss from a man. I thought I would be repulsed but found it flattering to be wanted as a woman. That was when I made up my mind that I really did want to be a woman and here I am, almost there,”
“Wow Brenda, you don’t know how lucky you are to have that kind of arrangement. You’ve done in nine months what has taken me years to do. I’m still worried though that you have done things too hastily and now a lot of it can’t be reversed,” Ashley said.
“Ashley, I know how I feel about all this and I love what I’ve done, it’s like being born all over again.”
“Of course it’s exciting, I remember when I started becoming a woman and the curves came, I remember that, but I also remember the sad times like with my sister and when I told my mother of my wishes to become a woman, which was the hardest day of my life. We talked and cried, we yelled at each other and held one another, it was a day I’ll never forget.”
“Why is your sister so angry with you?”
“I thought it was because her boyfriend liked me, you know, it was obvious that he wanted me as a girl and my sister saw that. She felt threatened and even after she broke up with the guy she hated me because guys would pay more attention to me than her when I was around. I didn’t want anything to do with guys back then; I just wanted to be a girl. I’ve dated a lot of guys but when they find out about me they pretty much don’t want anything to do with me. This is a lonely life Brenda and when girls like us find friends it’s like finding a diamond, you pull it to your heart and never let go.”
“What if people never find out about you?”
“Someone will always know, you can’t just disappear. What about your family, what do they think about all of this, have you told them?”
“I told my mom when this all started, she thought it was a howl and that I would learn to appreciate women more.”
“Umm, and did you tell her that you were going to get implants?”
“No.”
“Why not if she knows you’re living as a woman?”
“She thinks it’s temporary.”
“What are you going to tell her now; you’ve kind of gone beyond temporary?”
“I don’t know Ashley, I didn’t think of that, God I really screwed up didn’t I?”
Brenda’s eyes filled with tears, she didn’t know how she should feel at this moment, she felt so stupid for doing what she had just done, and now she was stuck with those things on her chest and they hurt.
“Brenda, you didn’t screw up, you just did things differently. You should have discussed this with her before you had the implants but you can do it anytime now, it won’t change anything. Before you take the final step though, you really should seek some guidance.”
Ashley had moved to Brenda and held her as she cried; she knew how she felt at this moment. She felt alone.
“Enough of feeling sorry for yourself Brenda, let me play with your hair, it will make you feel better,” Ashley said.
“What are you going to do to it?”
“What ever I feel like doing, now sit.” Ashley ordered and pointed at a chair.
Brenda did as she was told and Ashley started on Brenda’s hair. She brushed and tugged and pulled trying style after style all the time giggling at the results. Brenda was feeling more at ease and Ashley was happy to have found a friend.
The girls went to bed and slept until mid morning and wouldn’t have woke up except Brenda’s chest hurt. She got up and took some pain medication, something she wouldn’t have done as Matt.
Ashley opened her eyes and saw that her friend was missing from the bed.
“Brenda, are you here?” she asked.
“I’m in the bathroom, I needed something for the pain.”
“God, look what time it is, let’s do something today.”
“Like what?”
“We could go shopping.”
“I can’t like this, not all bandaged up.”
“Sure you can, we’ll just look and if were lucky we’ll find something to show off your new babies,” Ashley giggled.
Brenda and Ashley spent the day shopping and Brenda did find something to wear when everything was healed.
The weekend past quickly and soon it was back to the same old routine, work and snoop.
The days past and Brenda found her way back to the doctors for her first checkup. The pain had pretty much disappeared and she felt great. It was going to be her first glimpse of what she had done.
“Hi. Brenda, how are you feeling?” asked Dr. Branson.
“I feel wonderful now that I can have these bandages removed.”
“Let’s remove them and see how you’re healing.”
The doctor removed the bandages and turned Brenda toward a mirror so she could see.
Brenda gasped, they were beautiful, a little bruised but beautiful, now she looked like a woman.
“Oh Dr. Branson, they’re beautiful, I don’t know what to say,” as her eyes filled with tears of happiness.
“Just a thank you would suffice.”
“Thank you, thank you,” she exclaimed.
“Did you bring your bra with you?” he asked.
“Yes, the one you told me to wear.”
“Good. Make sure you keep it on except when you bathe, and don’t use any other type for the next week. After that you are on your own, just be careful until you are completely healed.”
“I will.”
Brenda pulled her industrial strength bra around her new breasts and hooked the back. This felt completely different from her old bra and forms she wore, she now needed it for support. She felt it lift her up and it made her feel womanly. It felt sensual as it rubbed the new flesh of her mounds.
Brenda dressed and returned to work, then wondered what it would feel like if Mario was to caress them. She just smiled.
Brenda couldn’t wait to get home, she could finally shower and wash a weeks worth of yuk off her body.
As soon as she entered the door, off came the clothes and on went the water in the shower. The water temperature was finally just right and she entered. The water cascaded over her body caressing every inch with loving cleanliness. Brenda took the soap in hand and lathered her body feeling the dirt wash away. She soaped her new breasts and looked down at them and marveled at how pretty they were. She softly washed them with the soap taking care not to rub too hard, they were still very tender but she could sense the new erotic feelings from her nipples. She put her head back and let the water pour over her now erect nipples, ‘God I love being a woman’ she thought to herself. Only one more thing to do before I’m perfect she thought as she took her flaccid penis in hand, change this.
Brenda and Mario went out to dinner and a movie Saturday and went to the traditional dinner at Mario’s mothers on Sunday. She had become one of the women now and they had missed her the week before. Brenda was becoming concerned that her relationship with Mario was becoming too much like a marriage. She was also concerned about the investigation; and if Mario had any connection to the drug thing. She felt sure that Ralph Larsen was the only one involved other than Melissa, but one could never be too sure.
Monday morning Brenda called Bill Cline from home and left a message on his voice mail.
“Bill this is Brenda Watson. I was wondering if you had any information yet on Ralph Larsen, I’d kind of like to end this thing as soon as possible, give me a call and maybe we can get together after work.”
Brenda dressed and went to work. Walking and doing things was a new experience with her breasts, she could feel them quiver with every step and she liked the feeling it gave her, one of femininity.
All the usual suspects came by and left, with the exception of Ron, he was missing today.
“Tiffany, have you seen Ron?” Brenda asked.
“No, and why would I want to see that pervert?”
“Come on, he’s not that bad.”
“You don’t have him starring at you all day, maybe we should change places.” Tiffany growled.
“Well, didn’t we wakeup on the wrong side of the bed this morning?”
“If you had my weekend you would feel the same way.”
“Why, what happened?”
“The same thing as every other day, I can’t go anywhere with out people touching me and asking for autographs, I hate it.”
“It’s not that bad is it?”
“How would you like it guys kept whistling at you and making crude remarks, they’re such pigs.”
“You sound just like a woman,” whispered Brenda, “I wouldn’t mind.”
“Wait until it happens to you, you’ll see. The worse was some guy that wouldn’t take no for an answer, he kept bugging me to go out with him and I finally said yes, yuk.”
“You went out with a guy?”
“Yes, at least he took me to a nice place for dinner, but after he wanted more. I almost had to hit him before he got the hint that I wouldn’t do anything with him.”
“Are you going to see him again?”
“I hope not, you know how I feel about all this, you and I are like night and day. You really like all this, don’t you Brenda?’
“I love it. I’m just curious, have you talked to Ron at all about what’s going on?” Brenda asked.
“A little, he either doesn’t know or he’s just playing stupid.”
“Why don’t you see if he’ll go out with you and then maybe he will open up to you.”
“Go out with Ron, you’ve got to be kidding, in the first place I don’t like to go out with guys and secondly he’s too short. He’s only what, five-nine or ten. I’m five eleven and with heels six-three, I don’t think so, you go out with him,” Tiffany said.
“Don’t be so vain Tiffany, think of it as doing your duty,” Brenda giggled. Brenda liked teasing her friend and watching her squirm as she became uncomfortable with the thought of men touching her.
“Screw the duty; you know I don’t want to be here.”
“But look at what’s happened to you, you’ve become one of the most sought after models in New York, everyone loves you.”
“No, they love Tiffany, not me.”
“You know, people would sell there souls to be you right now, you’re beautiful, a top model, a nice person and face it you’re only going to get more wanted than you are already.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of, being more popular, and what scares me more is that I’m starting to like it. I look in the magazines and see my picture and I can’t believe it’s me. I’m afraid Brenda that I might end up like you, wanting to be a girl just because I’m famous.”
“What’s wrong with wanting to be a girl?”
“You know what’s wrong, at least I do, this just isn’t right.”
“I keep telling you Tiffany, let go, enjoy what’s happening to you, you’ll be a lot happier.”
Tiffany’s eyes began to fill with tears, she knew she should be enjoying herself and for the most part she had, but that small voice kept telling her what she was doing was wrong, really wrong, she had to let go or she would drive herself crazy.
“I’ll try Brenda; really I will, but I’m not going out with Ron, he’s too short.”
The tension was broken and the girls giggled at the remark.
“Alright, I guess I’ll have to do it but if Mario finds out, your dead.”
“I’ll make sure that doesn’t happen.”
“We could double date, you with your new friend and me with Ron.”
“When?”
“Next week. I’m supposed to find out what they have on Ralph Larsen, hopefully today; Bill’s supposed to call me back.”
“Is Melissa in?”
“Not yet, if she was I wouldn’t be talking like this.”
“Oh.”
“God Tiffany, you’re losing your edge, you’d better get more involved with this thing or you might end up like Natalia.”
“I’ll be careful.”
The phone rang and it was Bill Cline.
“Universal.”
“Hi Brenda, its Bill Cline, I finally have something for you, let’s meet later at the same place, say six o’clock?”
“That’s fine, see you then.”
Brenda lowered the phone and turned to her friend.
“That was Bill. He says he has something for us. Maybe this thing will finally be over,” Brenda said.
“I hope so,” Tiffany said.
Brenda went to the restaurant at the designated time. He wasn’t there yet so she ordered a drink.
“Hi Brenda, what would you like?”
“You remembered my name, I think I’ll have the same Danny.”
“A lemon drop?”
“Yes, they taste like candy.”
“You look good today as usual.”
“Thanks, have you seen my friend yet?”
“No, are you expecting him?”
“Yes.”
“Why don’t you come here some time when you aren’t with him, I’m really a nice guy.”
“I will, maybe with one of my girl friends, we’ll see.”
Bill came through the door and saw Brenda at the bar.
“Hi Brenda, how are you doing?” he asked.
“Pretty good, how about you?”
“I’m fine.”
“The usual sir?” asked Danny.
“No I gave up drinking for a while, it was becoming too much of a habit, I’ll just have a ginger ale.”
“Wow, it’s a new you Bill, why the change?” asked Brenda.
“I was hung over all the time and couldn’t figure out why I felt like shit and then it hit me, I was a drunk. I haven’t had a drink for over a week and I feel great. I have the stuff you want, let’s get a table, I’m hungry.”
Bill and Brenda were seated and Bill took out the file on Ralph Larsen.
“Brenda, before we get started, I know you had set your hopes on this guy as being the drug source, but that isn’t what he is at all.”
“If he isn’t the source then what is he?”
“A doctor that lost his license.”
“But I’ve seen drug containers in the packages he drops off with Melissa.”
“They probably were drugs, but not the ones we want. Ralph Larsen is an alias that he uses so he isn’t recognized. His real name is Dr. Quinton Merchant. He was a famous research doctor at one time specializing in aging. He couldn’t wait to try some things he had found and went around the law and one of his patients died. There was a large lawsuit and he spent some time in jail for what he did. He also lost his license to practice. Now he does things on his own and buys drugs and other things on the black market.”
“What’s that got to do with Melissa?”
“She’s a patient of his. We learned that he is injecting her with stem cells with the hope that they will keep her from aging. All those pills are to keep her from rejecting the stem cells.”
“That’s sick, is that why she is flush when he leaves?”
“It’s probably her body trying to reject the cells. One thing for sure though is that he isn’t the source of the cocaine and meths the girls are hooked on, we’re going to have to look elsewhere.”
“Damn, I want this thing to be over in the worse way.”
“How’s Tiffany holding up, I see her picture everywhere?”
“She’ll be fine, she has some issues but she will be fine.”
“What kind of issues?”
“The men kind, she doesn’t like men looking at her.”
“That’s part of being a model and she’s going to have to get over it.”
“I think we should focus our investigation on Ron and his brother’s girl friend since they are the ones with the most promise. See if you or Tiffany can get a sample of the drugs the girls are using so we can test them. I think we can at least find some kind of foot print as to who is cutting the product. No one is selling pure cocaine and if we run a test on it we can tell who is cutting the drug. It won’t take much; just some residue should work but do it as soon as possible.”
“I will, thanks for the bad news Bill.”
“I’m sorry, but I thought it would be best that you found out about Larsen right away, so we didn’t spend a lot of time working on him and have the real bad guys getting away.”
“You’re right, I’m just disappointed.”
“We might as well have dinner while were here, let me grab a waiter.”
Brenda and Bill made small talk throughout dinner and Brenda noticed a change in the man. It was nice to see him as a man that didn’t have to be a drunk. Maybe now he would find that woman he so much desired but found so elusive. Bill really was a nice man when he was sober.
Runway | Chapter 19:
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Tiffany’s life was becoming exciting even beyond Melissa’s wildest dreams. Tiffany was followed by fans wherever she went and as she became accustomed to the notoriety, she also was becoming more at ease with being Tiffany.
Chapter 19: -
Tiffany’s life was becoming exciting even beyond Melissa’s wildest dreams. Tiffany was followed by fans wherever she went and as she became accustomed to the notoriety, she also was becoming more at ease with being Tiffany.
Who is Tiffany Rollins? Asked the news rags. Where is she from; how much does she weigh; is her hair naturally blonde? What kind of makeup does she use? and on and on. As unnerving as all this attention was, Tiffany was beginning to like it. What next? she wondered.
“Hi Tiffany,” Brenda said cheerfully as Tiffany walked into the office.
“Hi Brenda, what’s up?”
“Larsen’s not our man,” she stated, “We have to go after Ron.”
“What about Susan Marques?”
“Actually both of them, since they both have Ron’s brother in common. We have to do something to help the investigation, so remember that date thing you mentioned?” Brenda asked.
“Yes.”
“We have to do it.”
“You can’t be serious?” Tiffany said.
“It’s the only way for us to find out more about Ron,” Brenda said.
“I’m not going out with Ron.”
“I’ll go out with him, but you have to bring someone with you. I don’t want to be alone with the pervert” Brenda giggled.
“I’ll ask Thomas, the guy I told you about, he’s actually kind of fun.”
“Good, now I have to figure a way to let Mario know I have to go out with Ron, that’s going to be hard.”
“Don’t tell him anything. Just say you’re meeting me, that’s all.”
“Okay, I’ll try.”
“We need to talk about all of this. I’m concerned about all the publicity I’ve been getting, it might blow our cover.”
“But it might help it too, we’ll talk later.”
Ron made his customary visit for the day and Brenda approached him with an offer.
“Hi Ron, how’s your day going?” she asked.
“Pretty good, I have to check the air balance in the lunch room,” he replied.
“Before you go in. Tiffany wanted to know if you wanted to get together with us next week for a quick bite to eat.”
“With Tiffany?”
“And me.”
“Are you serious? Tiffany wants to have dinner with me?”
“And me.”
“She really said that? She wants to go out with me?”
“And me.”
Ron was clearly flustered. He didn’t go out with girls very often and when he did; his insecurities usually ruined the date and now his dream woman had asked to have dinner with him, he couldn’t believe his luck.
“Where should I take her? It has to be a nice place, really high end. Do you have any suggestions Brenda?”
“Ron, you’re not listening, Tiffany and I are asking you out. You know, little ole me, wanted to know if you wanted to join us for a bite to eat? We’ll go somewhere casual, probably around Times Square. Tiffany is asking a friend of hers to join us too, so it will be a foursome.”
“Are you saying I’ll be with you?” The disappointment showed in his voice.
“You know how it is sometimes Ron; you get stuck with the dog meat.”
“I, I, didn’t mean that, I think you’re pretty too, it’s just every man’s dream to have a date with Tiffany Rollins. I didn’t mean anything towards you.”
“I’m just kidding you Ron, and if I was a guy I’d want to have a date with her too, so are you on?”
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world, wow; I have a dinner date with Tiffany Rollins.”
Ron walked off with stars in his eyes; he even forgot to check the air balance in the lunch room. He wanted to get ready for next week. Ron had no life.
Brenda went into the lunchroom and told Tiffany that the date was on for next week. She added that she had better get her friend to come with them or Ron wouldn’t leave her alone.
“I’ll call Thomas, he’ll go.”
Brenda got home, and Annie opened her door when she heard Brenda close the front door.
“Brenda, hi sweetheart,” she said.
“Oh, hi Annie, I’ve missed you, how have you been?”
“Not well, do you have a minute? I’d like to talk to you.”
“I always have time for you Annie, I’ll change later.”
Brenda went into Annie’s apartment and noticed that it looked as though no one had been there for weeks. Brenda knew Annie had come home from Boston the previous week; and wondered what was going on with her friend.
“Brenda honey, I’m sorry I haven’t taken time to talk to you but I needed time alone.”
“Annie, what happened? This isn’t like you.”
“Please sit down dear, would you like some tea? I was just warming some water.”
Brenda heard the whistle on the kettle screech as the water reached the boiling point.
“I’d love a cup Annie.”
Annie found two cups and saucers, filled them with water and added a tea bag to each.
“Here you are dear,” she said as she placed the cup and saucer in front of Brenda.
Brenda could see from the way Annie was acting that something serious must have happened.
“Thank you Annie, now tell me what’s wrong, this isn’t like you not to at least say hi,” Brenda said.
“Brenda, I just had three weeks from hell. My son and his wife lost their baby. She was pregnant and delivered two months early. The baby had died in her womb and she went into labor. The poor baby couldn’t be saved. My daughter-in-law was devastated. She went into a depression and almost committed suicide, the whole thing was just horrible.”
Annie’s eyes started watering, Brenda could tell Annie had been crying before she opened her door and now she was starting again. Sometimes talking about a thing so sad can make a person do that, and Brenda was feeling what her friend felt. She went to Annie and took her in her arms and held her tight.
Annie was sobbing so hard her body was shaking.
“Let it out Annie, I’m here for you, I’m so sorry,” Brenda said, and couldn’t help herself as she felt the tears running down her cheeks.
The two women held each other for a long time, not a word was said as Annie let her grief flow through her tears.
Annie finally gained control of her emotions and the two parted. The tea had grown cold so Annie threw it out and served another cup.
”Annie tell me more of what happened.” asked Brenda.
“Shamus called me and said that Meg had gone into labor and she was two months early. She didn’t have any trouble with her first two children and when this happened she knew there was something wrong. They rushed her to the hospital and she delivered before I could get there. She had been sedated when I arrived and she was sleeping. Shamus was heart broken because they really wanted this baby. It would have been a boy.”
“Why did Meg want to commit suicide?”
“It was the depression a woman has after delivering a baby and then to have it be born dead was too much for her. We brought her home and she wouldn’t speak to anyone, even her kids. I stayed with them to watch the children and help Meg get over her grief. The third day home she overdosed on sleeping pills and had to be rushed to the hospital. It was a good thing I was there or she might have died. She recovered and came home. She realized what a mistake she had made when she saw her two babies. She dissolved into tears and hugged them both. After that she seemed to be alright and she poured her love into her children, she was obsessed with them. I stayed several more days and watched her, she didn’t seem right and the third day after her suicide attempt she struck her son for no reason, and fell back into her depression.”
“What happened after that?”
“She was prescribed some medication and it seemed to help her, but we knew she would have to seek therapy or this behavior will continue. We found a therapist and brought her to see her. It seems to have helped and that’s why I came home.”
“Brenda, there was no one for me to talk too. I didn’t want to burden Shamus with my thoughts, I felt so alone. I had to explain to the children that their mother was having a hard time right now and she might do things to them she didn’t mean to do, it was horrible. The poor babies couldn’t understand why their mother was behaving the way she was.”
“Are they alright now?”
“I think so. Shamus is watching Meg and hopefully everything will be fine.”
“I hope everything works out.”
“How have you been Brenda? Has anything exciting happened with you?”
“No, just the same old thing, work and come home.”
“No dates? A pretty young thing like you should be seeing a boy or two.”
Brenda blushed; one thing was for sure, Annie was straight forward about her thoughts.
“I’m still seeing Mario; I have dinner with his family every Sunday.”
“That sounds serious, are you two getting married?”
“God no Annie, we’re just dating.”
“Dating and dinner with the family are two different things, and the latter is much more serious than the first.”
“I know Annie. I like seeing Mario and his mother thinks the world of me. If I were to stop going she might change her opinion of me.”
“Is her opinion important to you?”
“Yes.”
“You love him don’t you?”
Brenda turned scarlet as her true feelings rose to the surface.
“Yes.” she answered.
“Brenda, take it from an old broad and don’t get too serious too soon, it can only lead to heartbreak.”
“I can’t help myself, he’s so nice.”
“I know, and it’s none of my business, but have you slept with him?”
“God no. why would you ask that?”
“Because if you love him now and you were to sleep with him; that would seal the deal and he would either dump you or marry you, there would be no in-between.”
“If I gave myself to him; why would he dump me?”
“Because that’s what guys do; even my ex did that to me and that was after having his children. Men are letches believe me.”
“Not all Annie, Mario’s not like that.”
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“I already told him that I wouldn’t sleep with him unless we were married.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“Annie, I have to run, I have a busy day tomorrow, thanks for the tea.”
Brenda went to her apartment and changed into something more comfortable than her work clothes, it felt good to get out of her heels. Brenda picked up her phone and called Tiffany at home.
“Hello.” Tiffany said into the phone.
“Tiff, its Brenda.”
“Hi, what’s up?”
“I wanted to talk about you becoming famous. You were worried about that earlier today.”
“I’m worried that all of this fame might blow my cover.”
“How so?”
“I have these people watching me all the time. All I hear are fans fawning over me, you know, ooh that’s Tiffany Rollins, that sort of thing. I can’t let my guard down for a minute.”
“That might be good in a way; it will keep you in your Tiffany mode all the time. I worry when you get angry with your disguise and want to end this thing because it puts me in danger too.”
“I don’t want to do anything that might harm you, but you know how I feel about all this and it feels good to get home and try to be Dirk for a little while, but if I’m being watched by fans. I can’t take a chance of being seen out of character.”
“I think it would be fun being Tiffany Rollins, you’re very pretty you know?”
“I know that Brenda, but I don’t want to be pretty, I want to be me, Dirk, the skinny kid from Minnesota. I worry because I’ve seen how those paparazzi hound celebrities and if they see anything amiss it ends up in the paper. Can you imagine the field day they would have if they found out my secret?”
“Then don’t let them find out. Let them see a vibrant young woman named Tiffany Rollins and not a boy named Dirk masquerading as Tiffany Rollins. You have to try Tiffany, you really do. We are looking deeper now into Melissa’s life and if she suspects anything other than the fact that we are girls, she will have us killed.”
“I do try Brenda, but you know how I am.”
“Yes, I do know how you are and I know you are a strong person, one that can put aside your prejudice and do your job, please Tiffany. Just have some fun with it; the men aren’t going to bite you. Just think, someday you will be able to show your children that you were once a famous model.”
“Gag, Brenda you’re nuts, can you imagine me sitting in the dugout of a little league baseball game coaching my son, showing the team pictures of Tiffany Rollins and encouraging them with, ‘get a hit and Tiffany will be waiting for you’, I don’t think so,” Tiffany said with a giggle
“It was worth a try.”
Brenda liked that her friend was lightening up a little. Maybe there was hope for her yet?
“I promise to be better about this. I called Thomas and he can’t wait for next week, I made his day when I asked him out.”
“I bet you did.”
“I had to promise to see him Friday night as an incentive to go out with me.”
“You have a date with him?”
“Yes, I put my pride aside.”
“Good girl.”
“By the way, what happened with Larsen, I thought he was a slam dunk?” Tiffany asked
“When I found out what he was doing, I almost peed my panties.”
“What, tell me?” Tiffany asked excitedly in a very girlish way.
“He’s been giving Melissa injections of stem cells to keep her from aging, and those packages have pills to keep her from rejecting the stem cells.”
“Oh my God, does it work?”
“It must, Melissa’s really eighty-five years old,” Brenda giggled.
“She’s not.” Tiffany responded.
“Of course she’s not, I’m just kidding, Tiffany. Have you seen anything strange with Susan Marques, you see her more than I do?”
“Not really, she comes by and drops off cosmetics and talks to the girls a little but nothing I can put my finger on.”
“How’s Connie doing?”
“I think she’s pretty well gone with the drugs. They had to send her home one day because she was so wasted. I think Melissa has her dating guys almost every night now to pay off her habit. I don’t think she will be able to model much longer, I feel bad for her.”
“I do too, even though she’s a bitch, no one deserves what Melissa is doing to her.”
“Hopefully we’ll have this thing figured out soon, although it probably won’t be soon enough to save Connie.”
“I guess. I’ll see you tomorrow and remember to have fun being Tiffany.”
“I will, and thanks Brenda.”
Brenda found something to eat and wished that Tiffany had the same mind set she did. Tiffany would make a beautiful woman and it would be a waste to throw that away in the future. Maybe she won’t want to after all the notoriety she was getting from her modeling, Brenda thought. Life couldn’t be much better than to be Tiffany Rollins.
Her thoughts turned to Ron and Susan Marques. She knew something would be there now that Ralph Larsen was out of the picture. They were the only ones left. A tear filled her eye when she thought of Mario. It couldn’t be him, even though he hadn’t been cleared. She knew in her heart he couldn’t be involved. Why Brenda, why, why did you have to fall in love? She dissolved in tears as her thoughts turned to Mario.
Runway | Chapter 20: We're onto Something
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“I do other things beside sell cosmetics, but I don’t want to get into that right now, let’s just enjoy our meal.”
Chapter 20: We're onto Something -
Not much happened during the rest of the week except Tiffany was able to find a sample of the cocaine Connie was taking up her nose.
“Brenda, Connie’s getting careless and I was able to snag a small bit of her coke,” Tiffany said.
“Be careful not to contaminate it, I’ll get it to Bill Cline for testing,” Brenda responded.
Tiffany handed a plastic bag with a zip top to Brenda. Inside was a piece of paper with powder residue on it, which Brenda assumed was the cocaine sample
“How are things going with you? Are things okay now?” asked Brenda.
“Much better since our talk. I’m trying to loosen up a little; I even went out with one of the models I met at a show, and the best part was that he’s gay and didn’t even try to touch me.”
“That kind of defeats the purpose doesn’t it? How are you going to learn to be more yourself?”
“It’s a start Brenda, it’s slow but I’m learning to like me. There’s another thing though, I feel like I’m being followed.”
“Are you sure? Maybe you’re imagining it?”
“Maybe, it might be my insecurities coming to the surface. It’s funny, the more I become Tiffany, the less safe I feel.”
“That’s probably what it is. I wouldn’t worry about it, just be careful.”
Brenda called Bill Cline and arranged a meeting to drop off the sample.
“Bill Cline.”
“Bill, hi, it’s Brenda.”
“Good morning Brenda, how goes it?”
“Fine, I have a sample of coke for you. Tiffany got it from one of the other models yesterday, where do you want to pick it up?”
“There’s a little bar on Fortieth Street, just off Sixth Avenue, I’ll meet you there at six.”
“I thought you stopped drinking?”
“I have, but old places are hard to forget.”
“I see. I’ll meet you at six.”
Brenda arrived at the bar and Bill was waiting for her.
“You beat me here for a change,” Brenda giggled as she spoke.
“I don’t like to keep pretty girls waiting.”
“You did when you drank all the time.”
“Not anymore, would you like something to drink?”
“Just a soda would be fine.”
Bill returned with a soda.
“Where’s the sample?”
Brenda opened her purse and handed him the bag.
“This hasn’t been contaminated has it?”
“No, Tiffany was very careful with it.”
“I’ll have it tested tomorrow and let you know right away what we find. I have to run now, I have a date.”
“Your mother again?”
“No, I have a real date, a woman I met when I started going to church again. She’s a widow, her husband died several years ago and she’s ready to start seeing men again. I was surprised when she accepted my offer for dinner.”
“Why would you be surprised? You’re a nice man when you’re not drinking.”
“I hope she thinks so. I’ll call you tomorrow Brenda, goodnight.”
“Goodnight Bill.”
Brenda finished her soda and walked out into the cool autumn air. She didn’t feel like going home yet, so walked up Sixth Avenue, lost in her thoughts. She had wandered for several blocks when she was brought back to reality when she heard her name.
“Brenda, what are you doing here?” asked Susan Marques.
“Susan, hi, I was just out walking. What brings you here?” Brenda asked.
“I had a sales call down here. Have you eaten yet?”
“No.”
“Let’s have dinner together; I’d like to get to know you better. There’s a quiet place right around the corner.”
“I’d like that. Is there always a place to eat right around the corner in this city?” Brenda laughed.
“Of course there is. Come on, it’s my treat.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“It’s expense account stuff, don’t worry about it.”
Brenda followed Susan into the restaurant and they were seated at a table.
“Everything looks so good,” Brenda stated as she looked at the menu.
“Try the fish, it’s the best thing they serve here,” replied Susan.
The waitress took the girls orders and asked if they would like a drink.
“Just iced tea please,” responded Brenda.
“I’ll have a vodka cranberry,” said Susan.
“Very good, I’ll be right back with your drinks,” said the waitress.
“You can have an alcoholic beverage if you would like Brenda, I won’t think badly of you,” Susan giggled.
“Maybe later, I’m more thirsty than anything else,” Brenda said.
“How do you like working for Melissa? You’ve been at Universal for, what three months now?” asked Susan.
“Almost four. She seems nice and she pretty much leaves me alone. How long have you known her?” Brenda asked.
“Oh God, we go way back. I remember when she was a runway model and very popular. I have to give her credit though; she was smart enough to learn the business so when her beauty faded she had something else to fall back on.”
“Was she that popular when she was a model?”
“Very, if it hadn’t been for Christy Brinkley she would have been on top, but that’s the way it is in that world. I’ve noticed your Tiffany Rollins has had a lot of play in all the magazines lately, she might be the next big one.”
“I hope so. Tiffany’s a really nice girl.”
“She seems to be, but if she ends up on top that could all change. I’ve seen girls get popular and turn into the most vicious bitches you could imagine. I’ve also seen them destroy their lives with drugs and other things because of their immaturity.”
“I don’t think that will happen to Tiffany, she’s pretty grounded as a person.”
“Things can change. You’re not from around here, are you Brenda?”
“No, I’m from California. Does it show?”
“Most definitely, you’re so trusting and it’s refreshing to meet someone like you.”
“Were you born here?”
“No, I was born in Atlanta, but moved here years ago. I consider myself a native New Yorker.”
“It’s so exciting here, all hustle-bustle. Where I came from, they rolled up the streets at ten o’clock.” Brenda giggled.
“I’ve always been a person on the go. I don’t think I could live in a town like that. Do you have a boyfriend Brenda?”
“I’ve been seeing a guy that’s delivers for the UPS in our building.”
“Mario, I know him, a real looker. I wish I was younger and I’d be after him myself.”
“Are you seeing anyone?”
“Kind of, it’s complicated.”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s in jail. I visit him once in a while.”
“Who is he?”
“Do you know Ron the building engineer where you work?”
“Of course, he hangs out in our office everyday, why?”
“His older brother is my boyfriend.”
“Ron didn’t say anything about having a brother.”
“That’s because he’s mad at him. Ron got him the job as an assistant engineer and then Lon got in trouble and ended up in jail. Ron was so mad he hasn’t talked to him since.”
“That’s sad, what did he do to get in trouble?”
“He was selling small amounts of drugs to make a few extra dollars. He was stupid and sold some coke to an under-cover cop and when the cop identified himself, he ran away. The cop ran after him and caught him after running a block. Lon was never very fast, or smart. He turned and shoved the cop back and they called that assaulting an officer, so they put him in jail for selling drugs and assault.”
“You must have been very disappointed.”
“I was, but I love the dumb lug so I keep going back to see him.”
“Where do you live Susan?”
“I have a townhouse down by the Hudson.”
“My goodness, selling cosmetics must be very lucrative.”
“It pays the bills, with some extra help.”
“Extra help?”
“I do other things beside sell cosmetics, but I don’t want to get into that right now, let’s just enjoy our meal.”
So that’s it, Brenda thought. Susan had almost admitted that she sold drugs to supplement her income. The investigation was finally coming around.
“Do you see much of Ron?” asked Brenda.
“No, not really. After Lon went to jail we pretty much avoided each other.”
“Why’s that?”
“He blamed me for Lon selling the drugs. I never had anything to do with it, but Ron wouldn’t listen. So needless to say, we don’t get along.”
“Why would he think you were involved?”
“Because I used to do coke, but stopped after Lon got in trouble. It wasn’t worth it.”
“Was Lon giving you the drugs?”
“No, I had another source and that’s how I met Lon. You know, birds of a feather and all that?”
“I’m glad I didn’t start that stuff. I tried it once and had an allergic reaction to it and almost died.”
“You poor thing, it really is fun to do.”
“All I ever do is drink and hardly even do that.”
“Stick with me and I’ll corrupt you,” laughed Susan.
“I’ll probably do enough of that for myself,” giggled Brenda.
Brenda was starting to like Susan. She was open about her life and from what Susan had said, it had been a bit bawdy. From what she had said, it looked as though she might be the drug source for Melissa. She wanted to pry a bit deeper but if she did it might spook Susan and then if she were to flee, the investigation would be over without the arrests they needed.
As the evening wore on, Brenda learned more about Susan’s life. She had run away from home when she was sixteen and traveled to New York City and had been here ever since. Her first job was with the cosmetics company and learned about the modeling field at a young age. She had started in shipping and worked her way into sales. She had been working for the same company for thirty years and was still four years shy of fifty. She liked younger men, kept herself fit and was still pretty wild. Lon was ten years her junior, but the two were apparently very much in love.
It was becoming hard for Brenda to gauge Susan, she seemed nice enough and yet she had definitely been around the block so to speak. She had had a hard life and had done things she wasn’t proud of in the distant past, but now she didn’t seem to be the type of person to be selling large quantities of drugs. Yet she did mention making money from other ventures. Brenda was going to have to know Susan better if she were to find out more about drugs from her.
“Susan, I had a wonderful time tonight, we’ll have to do this again,” Brenda said.
“It was fun Brenda, why don’t we make a date for next week? Same time, same station?”
“Same time, same station?”
“It’s an old saying. In other words, I’ll see you here next week at the same time.”
“Okay, I’ll see you then and thank you for dinner.”
“It’s the least I could do for you. It was nice of you to put up with an old bag like me and listen to my stories.”
“You’re not that old, you make yourself sound ancient.”
“Believe me dear, when you get to my age you’ll feel ancient.”
Brenda and Susan hugged with the traditional air kiss and departed. Things were getting more involved now and Brenda didn’t know what to think. Was Susan the source, or was Ron? As much as she hated to think admit it, Mario couldn’t be ruled out either. She would have to wait until more evidence presented itself.
Runway | Chapter 21: The Plot Thickens
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Yes dear, fifty thousand dollars, and there is more to come
Chapter 21: The Plot Thickens
The next day Brenda was at her desk when Melissa came in.
“Good morning Brenda,” she said.
“Good morning Melissa.”
“Is Tiffany here yet?”
“She came in a while ago. Shall I call her for you?”
“Please send her into my office, I have something for her.”
Brenda told Tiffany that Melissa wanted to see her. Tiffany then entered Melissa’s office.
“Tiffany dear, do you know that all of your hard work is finally paying off? I wanted to give you this myself, to let you know you are big time now.”
“What is it?” Tiffany asked, as she looked at the envelope in Melissa’s hand.
“This is your first check of your fees from the magazine spreads; it’s for fifty thousand dollars.”
“Fifty thousand dollars?”
“Yes dear, fifty thousand dollars, and there is more to come.”
“More?”
“Of course more, silly. This is just the beginning.”
“Do you mean I get this in addition to my regular hourly rates?”
“That’s right, and your hourly rates are going to go up too. You’re a gold mine Tiffany.”
“What am I going to do with all that money?”
“I’m sure you will think of something. You could move to a nicer neighborhood or buy more clothes, but the important thing is that you don’t screw this thing up.”
“How could I do that? I haven’t done anything except work so far.”
“That’s the point, you have to get out and be seen.”
“Be seen where?”
“At all the hot spots, the clubs. You’ve become known, but now we have to make you famous.”
“How do we do that?”
“Leave it to me girl friend. Just be ready to have the party of your life.”
“How am I supposed to work if I party all the time?”
“I’ll show you how. Trust me Tiffany; I’ll bring you to new heights.”
“Okay Melissa, I will. I have a show to do in a while so I have to go now. May I have my check now?”
“Of course, don’t lose it?”
“I’ll guard it with my life.”
Tiffany left Melissa’s office and went to Brenda with an excited expression on her face.
“Oh my God Brenda, you won’t believe what just happened. Melissa just gave me a check for fifty thousand dollars.”
“For what?”
“For being in the magazines and she said there will be more. God I’m so excited.”
“See. Didn’t I tell you this would work out?”
“Yes, you were right. I think being Tiffany just became a lot more fun.”
Later that afternoon, the phone rang. It was Bill Cline.
“Hi Brenda, do you have a few minutes to meet later?”
“Sure, where?”
“The restaurant on fifty-first, at six-thirty.”
“See you then.”
Brenda arrived at the restaurant at six and sat at the bar.
“Brenda, hey, what’s up?” Danny asked.
“Hi Danny, not much, how’ve you been?”
“Great, but I’ve missed you. What can I get for you, the usual?”
“No, I think I’ll just have a coke, I just don’t feel like drinking.”
“Did you finally come by yourself, or is that guy coming here again.”
“Danny, you sound jealous.”
“Of him, no way, I wanted to see you alone for a change.”
“I hate to break your heart, but he’ll be here later, I’m just early.”
“Damn the bad luck, but I might as well enjoy you while I can.”
Bill was also early and entered the restaurant as Danny handed Brenda her drink.
“Hi Brenda.”
“Oh, hi Bill, you’re early.”
“As are you, good that way we can finish this early. Let’s grab a table.”
“Would you like anything sir?” Danny asked Bill.
“Just a seven up, thanks.”
Brenda and Bill sat down at the nearest table and Bill took a paper out of his coat.
“This is the breakdown of the cocaine sample you gave me. This is a very popular mix of the drug and there is quite a bit of history here. Are you sure this is what that model was using?”
“Tiffany said she got it from Connie. Why, is there a problem?”
“The only problem is that this stuff has been around for years and we can’t seem to find a source for it. The first time we ran into the stuff was a drug bust that the New York police made two years ago and they confiscated five hundred pounds of it. It was one of the biggest drug busts in US history. That’s where Susan Marques comes in. When her boyfriend was busted, he had the same cocaine in his possession, but only four ounces of it. He refused to give up his source, so he was put away for the possession and the assault. From what we can figure out Susan must be supplying Melissa with the cocaine, but we still don’t know where the meth is coming from, whether from Susan or someone else.”
“I had dinner with Susan last night, she doesn’t seem to be the kind of person that would be a supplier like that.”
“What makes you think that?”
“I don’t know, it’s just a feeling. She might sell an ounce or two, but not the amount Melissa distributes.”
“Brenda, don’t be naíve or these people will eat you up. They will be as nice as they can be to your face, but be stabbing you in the back at the same time.”
“I don’t think Susan is like that. She may be a bit rough around the edges, but I think she is honest with me.”
“I’ll take your word on that for now, but be careful. When are you supposed to see Ron?”
“Tuesday, for dinner. Tiffany and I are meeting him.”
“Both you and Tiffany, lucky guy.”
“Actually I’m meeting him and Tiffany is meeting someone else, Tiffany say’s he’s too short for her.”
“Jesus, this isn’t a dating service.”
“Tiffany just didn’t want to look out of place, that’s all.”
“Is she doing alright? I worry about her.”
“She’s doing great. She just got her first check for the magazine layout.”
“Really, how much was it?”
“Fifty thousand dollars.”
“You know she can’t keep it?”
“Why not?”
“Because she’s working undercover. Any money she or you make, for that matter, belongs to the government.”
“That’s not fair, why should she have to give all that money to the government?”
“Because she’s already being paid for her work and it isn’t to be a model but an FBI agent. The only way for her to make that money is to quit her government job, and become a real model.”
“I don’t know, it doesn’t seem right, she’s doing all the work.”
“Think of it this way, the government is paying for your apartment and clothes and whatever else you need. We get your wages in return and if I think about it we’re getting the raw end of the deal. Only now Tiffany is making money for us.”
“I see your point, but I still think it’s unfair.”
“Let me know how the dinner with Ron goes, I have to run.”
“Another date?”
“Uhh, yes, my lady friend and I kind of hit it off and I’m seeing her for dinner.”
“I’m glad for you Bill; you’re a nice man and deserve to be with someone.”
“Thanks Brenda.”
The weekend came and Mario brought Brenda to another basketball game. Only this one was a real season game and tended to be more entertaining that the preseason offering.
Sunday came and Brenda was back at Mario’s for Sunday dinner. These dinners had become pretty much a routine, which she liked very much. Brenda liked the feeling of family and being accepted as the girl she portrayed, she liked being one of the girls. There was one small incident though, that made Brenda think maybe this was starting to go much too far. Brenda was helping in the kitchen, as she did every time she came to dinner, when she was approached by a little girl.
“Aunt Brenda, would you read me a story?” little Sarah asked.
Aunt Brenda, Sarah had called her Aunt Brenda. Oh my God, she thought, she thinks I’m her aunt.
“Don’t bother Brenda, Sarah. Mommy will read to you.”
“No, I want Aunt Brenda to read to me.”
“I don’t mind, I’d be happy too,” Brenda replied.
Little Sarah led Brenda by the hand to a couch in the family room and Brenda sat down.
“Wait sweetheart; let me take off my shoes.”
Brenda removed her running shoes and placed them to the side of the couch. Brenda had become more like a girl her age, first she started with a skirt and blouse on her first visit and gradually grew more comfortable with the whole situation she had found herself in. Now she was dressed much like the mothers of the young children who were at the Sunday dinners, jeans, comfortable shoes and a blouse. Brenda was becoming a part of the family.
She tucked her feet under her rear, but not before she noticed that her polish was chipped on several toes, I’m getting lazy she thought, time to get a pedicure.
“What would you like me to read for you Sarah?”
“The rabbit book, please,” she pleaded.
“Why don’t you get it for me sweetheart.”
Sarah ran off and returned with, “The Velveteen Rabbit.”
“Read this please, it’s my favorite,” Sarah said.
“Sarah, don’t you ever get tired of that book?”
Sarah’s mother had entered the room and saw the book her daughter had picked out.
“I love this story mommy, and it will be different because Aunt Brenda is reading it to me.”
“I don’t mind, really,” Brenda said.
Brenda started reading the story and thought back to when her mother had done the very same thing. She too had loved this story and the closeness between her mother and herself when she read it. Some things never change she thought, a big girl reading to a little girl and the closeness was the same, Brenda felt serene.
The story was finished, dinner was served and soon Mario was driving Brenda home. It was mid-November and there was a chill in the air and Mario didn’t want his girlfriend to catch a chill waiting for a taxi.
“Did you have a nice time today?” Mario asked.
Brenda was cuddled next to her boyfriend and answered, “It was the most wonderful time I’ve had.”
“It was just dinner.”
“Not for me, when Sarah called me Aunt Brenda, I felt like I was part of the family.”
“You’ve always been part of the family.”
“It’s more than that Mario, little kids know when people are fake, and when Sarah called me Aunt, I knew that I had been accepted.”
Mario took his hand off the steering wheel and put it around Brenda’s shoulder.
“I love you Brenda, you have no idea of how happy you make me,” he said.
Brenda scrunched herself tighter to Mario and said, “I love you too.”
Mario walked Brenda to her door and kissed her goodnight. Their kisses had become ones of love and yet there was an undercurrent of a want a man and woman have when they finally find the person they want to live with for the rest of their lives.
Brenda went into her apartment and removed her clothes. She had left her bra on for most of the week and only removed it to bathe. She removed it and felt the weight of her breasts on her chest. She looked in the mirror and saw that the swelling had pretty much gone away, but there was still some bruising but it too was disappearing. Her breasts were beautiful, her nipples stood proud as the cold air touched them and her areolas had grown to a womanly size, Brenda was pleased, she was at peace with herself.
Brenda cupped her breasts and felt the weight and she reflected on how she had gotten here in the first place, it was only an assignment and a prank. No one would have thought it would have gotten this far, Tiffany was becoming a super model and Brenda wanted to become a woman, how could this have happened?
It was tiny steps, almost like making a stalactite, one drop of water at a time, drip, drip, a little mineral left behind, drip, drip, a little makeup, drip, drip, a lot of laughs, drip, drip, a little more mineral, a little growth, drip, drip, fix your hair, drip, drip. The hormones were the turning point for Brenda, they were a torrent of water depositing minerals, and the water went from a drip to a gurgle. The stalactite grew and soon it could be seen, it was no longer a drip of water, it was a deposit of minerals. Her body softened and became feminine, it could be seen, but it wasn’t what was seen that made her a woman, much like the hidden minerals that gave the stalactite strength. The training and living as a woman had changed Matt, he was no longer a person, but Brenda was. One drip at a time, you’re pretty miss, may I help you miss, come and see me Brenda, you look pretty today Brenda and finally one could see the stalactite, it was there, please read to me Aunt Brenda. It wasn’t the makeup or the hair, or the breasts, not even the hairless legs, no it was something else, Brenda had become a woman. Adults could be fooled, but children knew the minute an adult tried to deceive them. Oh, you can tell them something that’s a lie, there’s a man in the moon or there’s an Easter bunny, things that can’t be seen, but being a woman and pretending to be a woman are two different things and you don’t fool children. Brenda was now Aunt Brenda, and she wept.
Runway | Chapter 22: Tiff's Kiss
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“Isn’t that dangerous?” Brenda asked with concern in her voice.
Chapter 22: Tiff's Kiss -
Tuesday came and the girls were to meet Ron and Thomas at a restaurant off Times Square. Brenda had worn her usual clothes to work, a skirt, sweater and heels. On a normal day, her skirt was knee length, the sweater neck high and the heels were two inches. Her plan today was to make Ron a babbling idiot. Ron was one that liked to talk too much and as the saying goes, loose lips sink ships, would apply, or at least Brenda hoped it would. Today she wore a skirt that was mid-thigh and four-inch heels. Her sweater was the same because she knew it didn’t pay to look like a slut at work. Brenda had worn her new Victoria’s Secret lacy bra to work, the one that gives you cleavage, lots of cleavage and changed into a camisole and vest when it was time to make Ron stupid.
“Tiffany, come on, we have to go,” Brenda yelled.
“I’m coming, holly shit, what have you done?” exclaimed Tiffany when she saw Brenda’s new cleavage.
“Umm, I kind of like had this procedure done, does it look okay?”
“What in the hell are you thinking, this isn’t put it on and take it off Brenda, this is permanent.”
“I know Tiffany, we had this discussion before.”
“I didn’t think you were serious, what were you thinking?”
“Tiffany, I’m a woman now. You know that wave I told you about? Well I rode it out and this is me now. I only hope you can accept that.”
“You know I can, but why didn’t you tell me you were going to do this to yourself?”
“I could have, but what would you have said? Don’t you dare?”
“I probably would have, you’re right. If this is what you want then I’ll be behind you one hundred percent. We’ve been through a lot Brenda and I love you like a broth--, opps, I mean a sister.”
“Thanks, I think.”
“And one other thing, they are beautiful. Do I get to see them later?”
“No way you pig,” Brenda giggled.
Brenda and Tiffany went to the restaurant Ron had recommended. They walked in fifteen minutes early. They wanted to be situated before the men arrived.
“Miss Rollins, Miss Rollins, may I have an autograph?” asked the young teen girl.
“Of course,” Tiffany answered.
“Oh my God, it’s Tiffany Rollins,” the voice said and then the crush was on. Tiffany signed signature after signature until everyone that had seen her left. Thomas arrived first and greeted his companion.
“Hi Tiffany, who’s your friend?”
“Thomas, this is Brenda, my dearest friend in the world.”
“Nice to meet you Brenda, dearest friend in the world.”
Brenda giggled, she couldn’t help herself. Thomas was tall, probably six foot seven and what one would consider a living doll. Brenda was smitten.
“It’s nice to meet you Thomas,” she said as she extended her hand.
Thomas took Brenda’s hand in his and it seemed to disappear, hers so dainty and his so large and masculine.
“Leave Thomas alone Brenda, he’s mine,” Tiffany said.
Tiffany couldn’t believe she had just said that. Was she becoming jealous of her friend for the attention of a man? Tiffany was changing much more than she realized.
“Hey guys, I see you found this place,” Ron said as he entered the restaurant.
Ron moved in next to Tiffany, expecting to have her want him to be her best friend. Ron was an idiot when it came to women and it showed. He didn’t have a clue that the tall guy was with Tiffany and he was with Brenda.
“Hi Ron, I’d like you to meet Thomas, my date,” Tiffany said, with emphasis on, “MY DATE.”
“Oh, nice to meet you,” Ron responded.
Ron was so taken with Tiffany that he hadn’t even noticed Brenda.
“Hi Ron,” Brenda said in a most seductive way.
She was sitting on a bar stool at the tall table and leaned over pushing her breasts together, allowing her cleavage to show in a most alarming way.
“GggGod Brenda, I’m sorry, how are you?”
Ron felt his penis twitch as he look at Brenda’s breasts. God, how could I have missed them at the office, he wondered.
“I’m fine Ron, are you going to check the air balance tonight?”
Ron blushed, he thought he was being so slick and the girls knew what he was up to, “No, not tonight.”
“Good, I want tonight to be memorable,” Brenda said.
“I hope it will be,” Ron responded with more than a twitch of his penis. Ron was becoming erect from the teasing Brenda was giving to the poor lad. Ron hadn’t been out with a girl in months and then he pretty much blew the whole date by opening his mouth. Now here was this cute girl pushing her breasts this way and that way and what was worse, he was a breast man. Brenda had the finest breasts he had seen in quite some time.
“Shall we order something to eat?” Thomas asked.
“Yes, I’m famished,” Tiffany replied.
The waitress was called and the food and drink orders were placed.
“Ron, I guess you already know these two beautiful women?” Thomas asked.
“I work in the same building, so I see them every day.”
“What do you do?”
“I’m the building engineer. I take care of just about everything in the building, from the locks to the air conditioning.”
“Ron’s very diligent, he checks the air balance in our office almost everyday,” Brenda said.
“Especially in the lunch room,” giggled Tiffany.
Ron’s face turned red with embarrassment. Had he been that obvious he wondered.
“Thomas is an investment banker,” Tiffany said proudly.
“Being a banker isn’t that big of a thing, its just numbers. What do you do beside work, Ron?” asked Thomas.
“I like to make things. I have a machine shop at home and like to work with metal, although lately I’ve started fooling around with chemicals and so I built a lab in my basement. I’m trying to find a way to break water molecules apart and gather the hydrogen for fuel. I guess you could say I’m a bit of a nerd,” Ron responded.
Who’d of guessed, Brenda wondered.
“Can’t they do that already?” Thomas asked.
“With electricity, but I want to find a way with chemical solutions to do it.”
“Oh.”
“Isn’t that dangerous?” Brenda asked with concern in her voice.
“Only if you’re not careful,” Ron replied.
“Is this the first time you’ve played with chemicals?” asked Tiffany.
“No, I took a course in college so I would know a little about what I was doing.”
“Well, you be careful, I don’t want to read about you blowing yourself up,” Brenda said as she touched the back of Ron’s hand with her fingers.
Ron looked at Brenda’s red nails against the back of his hand and then let his gaze move to her perfect cleavage. Ron was in lust with this girl. How could he not have paid more attention to her, he wondered.
“Ron, someone said your brother worked with you in the building? I’ve never met him,” Brenda asked.
“He doesn’t work there anymore.”
“Why not?”
“Because he’s in jail.”
“In jail? What did he get arrested for?”
“Being stupid.”
“I didn’t think it was a crime to be stupid,” said Tiffany. “Look at me, I’m not in jail.”
“You’re one of the smartest girls I know,” Ron said hoping to make points with the beauty.
“Ron, you’re a flatterer,” giggled Tiffany.
Ron was getting flustered. He was becoming infatuated with Brenda and Tiffany was playing with his mind. Both girls were waiting for him to let something slip from his mouth.
“Really Ron, why did he go to jail?” Brenda asked.
“He sold some cocaine to an undercover police officer and then hit him when he tried to escape. Like I said, he was really stupid.”
“Why was he selling drugs?”
“To impress that bitch he’s with.”
“What bitch?”
“That Susan Marques broad. You know the one; she comes around your offices once in a while.”
“What’s she got to do with it?”
“She makes good money and I guess he wanted to impress her. Hell, maybe she sells that stuff too, I don’t know.”
“Did you know he was selling drugs?”
“Not until he was arrested, stupid shit. He was living with me and I could have gone to jail too. Man that guy has no brains, like I said, stupid.”
“Where was he getting his drugs?”
“How should I know? I don’t want to talk about this anymore, I’m mad enough at him already.”
“I’m sorry Ron, I didn’t mean to keep asking questions,” Brenda said.
“You didn’t know, let’s eat.”
The couples ate and made small talk, staying away from Ron’s personal life. Ron was still infatuated with Tiffany and spent most of the time trying to gain her favor much to Brenda’s relief. Brenda really didn’t want Ron hanging around the office making moves on her, and if he wanted Tiffany it would make life much easier for her.
Thomas was watching Ron and had to chuckle to himself as Ron was making quite an ass of himself. Tiffany had pretty much let Ron know she was with Thomas and yet he kept trying to gain her attention. The best way to stop Ron from going on with this thing was to show him that Tiffany liked Thomas. There was one way to do that and Thomas turned Tiffany’s face toward his and kissed her deeply. Tiffany was surprised by Thomas’s move and knew why he was kissing her, to make Ron leave her alone. She put her hands around his neck and kissed back and was surprised that she liked being kissed by this man. Maybe enjoying being Tiffany was finally paying off and the assignment would become easier.
“Excuse me you two, but shouldn’t this wait until later?” Brenda asked.
Tiffany broke the kiss and looked at her friend. She lowered her eyes; she was embarrassed for showing this kind of affection in public and especially with a man.
“I think we should be going,” Tiffany said.
“Do we have to?” Ron asked.
“Tiffany’s right, we really should be going,” Brenda said.
“I’ll take Tiffany home. Ron, would you take care of Brenda?” Thomas asked.
“I can get home alright,” Brenda said. “I don’t like guys to know where I live until I know them better, and Ron, I don’t know you well enough just yet.”
Ron wanted to take Brenda home, but he wanted to take Tiffany even more, and the disappointment showed on is face.
“I’ll see you tomorrow Brenda, and you too Tiffany,” Ron said as he left to find a taxi.
“Good night Brenda, call me when you get home. Ready Thomas?” Tiffany asked.
“Anytime you are,” he responded.
Thomas hailed a taxi and after opening the door for Tiffany, entered the opposite side of the car. Because of his height and long legs he had to turn his legs to be able to sit. This placed him next to Tiffany.
“Being tall can be difficult, can’t it?” she asked.
“Yes, but it does have its advantages like having to sit close to you. I hope you didn’t mind that I kissed you earlier, but Ron was making a fool of himself and the best way for him to get the idea not to bother you was to kiss you.”
“I didn’t mind,” she said as she blushed.
“May I kiss you again?” he asked.
Tiffany didn’t know what to say. She knew the last kiss was for Ron’s view, but this would be for something else. This would be a kiss between a man and a woman. A kiss would prove that she was accepting her femininity and losing her masculinity. She looked toward Thomas and before she could answer, he touched his lips to hers. It was a soft kiss, not one that said I want to bed you, but one that bespoke of feelings toward the other person. As the kiss continued, Tiffany felt a glow inside and placed her arms around Thomas’s neck and held him tight. She was becoming a woman and she liked being kissed by this special man. Tiffany allowed her lips to part and felt the softness of Thomas’s tongue enter her mouth. Now she knew why Brenda had become the woman she had, this was nice. The kiss lingered until they felt the taxi slow and come to a stop. Tiffany was home.
“I’ll walk you to the door,” Thomas said.
Thomas walked Tiffany to her door and kissed her one more time. Tiffany went into her apartment, removed her clothes and put on her pajamas. She went to her phone and called Brenda. Brenda wasn’t home yet as it takes longer to get to Brooklyn than her apartment only blocks away. Tiffany left a message to call when she got home.
Brenda called back a half of an hour later.
“Tiffany, its Brenda.”
“Hi, so what did you think about tonight?”
“Thomas is a doll and Ron is just weird. I thought I’d die when Thomas kissed you.”
“So did I, but then I liked it. This is making me worry Brenda, I shouldn’t like him kissing me, but I did like it.”
“Didn’t I tell you to enjoy being a girl? See, its not so bad after all is it?”
“No.”
“I was thinking about something Ron had said earlier. He said he has a chemical lab in his basement. If that's the case, he would be a prime suspect as the supplier of the meth. He could cook it up and say he was trying to find some strange power source. It’s the perfect cover.”
“You might have something there. Let’s get a hold of Bill tomorrow and let him know what we learned.”
“Okay, goodnight Tiffany. See you tomorrow.”
“Goodnight Brenda.”
Brenda called Bill Cline the next day and told him of their discovery about Ron.
Runway | Chapter 23: Web Premier
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Chapter 23: Web Premier -
Two days past by and the phone rang. It was a Thursday afternoon and Brenda was trying to find a way to go into Melissa’s office to see what she could find that might help the investigation.
“Universal modeling, how may I help you?” Brenda asked.
“Brenda, its Bill Cline. I have some bad news for you. Your father has been in an accident and your mother has asked that you call her. She had no way of getting a hold of you, so she called the bureau and they forwarded her message to me. She’s asked that you come home because he’s in a coma.”
“Oh my God, what should I do?”
“I can give you a couple of days off, so go home tomorrow and come back Monday. Nothing will change as far as the investigation is concerned and it’s important that you visit your family.”
“What about my disguise?”
“There’s nothing you can do about that, and it’s up to you whether you go home or not. I’m not forcing you to go, but at least call you mother and see what she has to say.”
“Thanks Bill.”
Brenda hung up the phone and took her cell phone out to call her mother. She was a nervous wreck after hearing the news of her father. She couldn’t use the company phone or the address for her parent's home might be traced by the call. Brenda punched in the number and the phone rang twice before her mother answered the call.
“Hello,” her mother said.
“Mom, its Bren, I mean, its Matt.”
“Who is this? Matt? It doesn’t sound like you, young lady, we’re going through a very difficult time right now and this isn’t funny.”
“Mom, it is me. I’m undercover remember?”
Matt had told his mother that he was going to be a girl as his disguise and she laughed about it saying that it would be a good lesson for him to learn about women. He was also supposed to tell her about the hormones, but didn’t when he changed doctors and moved to New York.
“My goodness, I forgot, you sound just like a girl. I would have never known it was you. Matt, you have to come home, your father was in an accident and they don’t know if he’s going to live or die and I want all of you boys here. I need for you to come home.”
“I don’t know if I can mom. I’m undercover and I have this disguise.”
“I talked to your superiors and they said you could come home for a few days. So please baby, come home.”
“But mom, what about my disguise?”
“Take it off and put it back on when you return to work.”
“It's not that easy mom, you can hear my voice, and well, I look like a girl too.”
“Just change your clothes. How hard can that be?”
“Mom, it's more than just clothes. I’m supposed to be a girl, I look like one.”
“What do you mean, you look like one?”
“Do you remember my mousy brown hair?”
“Yes.”
“It’s not mousy brown anymore. It’s auburn with blond highlights and it has been permed. My brows have been plucked, my nails are long, my ears have three earrings on each side and I have a figure. If I put on my old clothes, I’ll look like a girl wearing boys clothes. I can’t mom.”
“You have to come home. You owe it to your father to be here. If it makes you feel any better come home dressed like a girl, but I want you here.”
“Everyone will laugh at me.”
“No they won’t. I’ll explain that your disguise is part of what you are doing and your brothers will be fine with it. I think it will be fun seeing you as a girl. Now get on a plane and come home.”
“Yes mom.”
Melissa returned from lunch, so Brenda gave up the idea of searching her office. That would have to wait for another day.
“Melissa, my mom just called and asked that I come home over the weekend. My father was in a serious accident and is in a coma and, and,” Brenda couldn’t finish as she dissolved in tears.
Melissa came to her and held her, saying, “You go home sweetheart. We’ll be alright until you get back.”
Brenda composed herself and hugged Melissa.
“Thank you Melissa, you’re so nice. Would you mind if I go home now, I have to pack?”
“Run along sweetheart and I hope your dad gets well.”
“Thank you.”
Brenda left the office and wondered how people could say that Melissa was a bitch when she had just been so nice to her. She was feeling guilty about what she was doing until she thought of Connie and the hell Melissa was putting her through. She was becoming aware of what a chameleon Melissa really was.
Brenda arrived at home and opened the front door to the apartment building. When the door shut, Annie opened her door to see who was coming into the building this time of day.
“Brenda, what are you doing here?” she asked.
“I have to go back home for a few days, my father is in a coma,” she replied, as her eyes filled with tears.
“Come in here dear and close the door.”
Brenda was shattered by the news of her father and the high amount of hormones she was taking wasn’t helping her cope with the news. She was becoming a wreck.
“Sit down dear. Let me get you a cup of tea.”
Annie returned with the tea and asked, “Tell me what happened?”
“My father was in an accident and is in a coma and they don’t know if he’s going to live or die,” Brenda sobbed.
“There, there, sweetheart, everything will be okay. Drink your tea; it will make you feel better.”
Brenda sipped her tea and was able to stop the tears.
“My mom called me and asked that I come home. I’ll fly home tomorrow and come back Monday, would you watch my place for me?”
“Of course dear, would you like me to help you pack?’
“No, that’s okay, I can do it myself. I love you Annie, you’re like another mother to me.”
“Oh Brenda, to be honest you’ve become like a daughter to me, the one I never had. You’re such a sweet girl that any woman would be proud to have a girl like you for a daughter.”
“Thank you Annie, I feel a bit better now. I’m going to pack and see if I can get a flight out in the morning.”
“You be careful and hurry home. I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too, Annie,” Brenda said, as the two women embraced.
Brenda went to pack, wondering what she should wear. In the suitcase went panties, her new bras, and as much else that would fit. She thanked God that it was a large suitcase or she would be in trouble. After all, what woman doesn’t have enough changes for two weeks, including shoes for a three day stay?
Brenda called for an airline ticket. She would have to fly out of Newark and made her reservations for the next morning.
Brenda called for a ride the next morning and was able to get to the airport for a flat fee of thirty dollars. She passed through ticketing and security with a minimal amount of problems using her FBI identification. She boarded her flight and found her seat. A woman sat next to her and soon the flight was in the air. Brenda didn’t want to talk to anyone and apparently the woman next to her didn’t either.
Brenda let her mind wander. She began to worry what her family was going to say when they saw her. She had decided to wear her business clothing. There was no reason to dress down, because no matter what she was to do she would look like a girl, the FBI had seen to that and her own choices had finished the project. She chose to wear three-inch heels a skirt and coat with a blouse that allowed a small amount of cleavage to show. It was no more than she would have shown if she still had her breast forms, so she wasn’t worried her mother would find out about her breasts.
The movie started and it was a girl’s movie. Brenda tried to watch, but it didn’t interest her, she had other things on her mind. The movie ended and she removed the in flight magazine from the seat back and opened the cover only to discover Tiffany in a seductive dress from Margaret Voss.
“What a beautiful dress,” said the woman next to her.
“Yes, isn’t it nice?”
“I’d love to have one like that, if only I could afford it.”
“I know what you mean. The model is my best friend, and even she can’t get me a discount,” Brenda giggled. “We both work for the same modeling agency.”
“You know Tiffany Rollins? God I’d love to meet her. I’m Christine Blanko by the way.”
“Hi, I’m Brenda Watson. I thought I would be the only person in the world going to Santa Maria today.”
“I have a story to cover there; I’m a reporter for Time magazine. I’d love to be able to interview Tiffany someday. She’s, if you’ll pardon the expression, knocking the fashion world on its rear. I’ve never seen a girl rise so fast. She has this look that haunts you once you’ve seen her, she so beautiful.”
“She’s sweet too, give me your card and I’ll ask her if she’ll see you.”
“You’d do that?”
“Why not, you seem like a nice person.”
“I hope to see you again Brenda, you’re very nice too.”
Christine handed Brenda her card and the two made small talk until the plane landed.
Brenda rented a car and soon was driving to her mom’s home. She drove down the 101 and turned off onto Main Street. She headed west until she reached Santa Inez Drive and turned left. There was something comforting about being home. Tall maples lined both sides of the street and the leaves had just begun to fall, covering the well kept lawns in front of the Spanish style homes. Brenda drove two blocks then stopped in front of a newly painted Spanish style stucco home. The arch over the front porch hadn’t changed, nor did the plants hanging from hooks in pottery containers. The vines reached nearly to the ground. Brenda felt serene as she turned off the motor in the car. She removed the key from the ignition and opened the car door; she was home.
Well here goes nothing, she thought as the fear started to return. Her heels clicked on the cement walkway as she walked to the four stairs she used to jump off as a child. She stepped gingerly up onto the porch and rang the doorbell. The door opened and her mother smiled. It was a smile that made her remember how much she had missed her mother.
“Yes, may I help you?” her mother asked.
“Mom, it’s me, Matt.”
Her mother’s face turned ashen in color, she was going to faint.
Brenda grabbed her mother before she could fall and brought her to the old-fashioned seat with the mirror back and coat hangers at the top of each post, and lowered her before she fell. Several minutes past until her mother could speak.
“My God Matt, what happened to you?”
“I warned you mom. I told you I couldn’t change out of my disguise, please don’t be angry.”
“But, you look so, God, so pretty. Couldn’t you do something about that?”
“What am I supposed to do mom? This is the way I look now. I tried warning you.”
Brenda’s eyes were beginning to fill with tears. If she were to cry, that would put her mother over the top. She had to hold strong.
“I know you did, but I thought you would look like a boy in a dress and we’d have a good laugh; but you’re pretty and sexy. Besides, you look like a real girl.”
“If I didn’t I’d be killed mom. This is really serious stuff.”
“This is how you live now?”
“Until the assignment is over.”
“But you’re so pretty. Don’t you worry about boys?”
“No, why would I?”
“Because I remember when you and your brothers were home, and all you talked about was how hot some girl was. Now you’re that girl.”
“I can handle myself, mom. Remember, I went through the academy and they did teach us self defense.”
“I’m sure guys must whistle at you.”
“Not yet, and besides, what harm can come from a whistle?”
“It’s just not right. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked you to come here.”
“Don’t say that mom, please?”
The hurtful words pushed Brenda past her will and the tears ran down her cheeks and dropped to the floor.
Mrs. Watson saw what she had done to her son with her words. It wasn’t Matt’s fault that he was pretty and he was just doing this because of his job. It was unnerving that he could look so much like a pretty girl, and what was worse, he acted like one too. He had indeed become the girl he portrayed.
Natalie Watson stood and hesitated. She wanted to take her son in her arms to comfort him; she truly did, but couldn’t find it in herself to do so. This was going to take some time to resolve.
“I’m sorry Matt, I shouldn’t have said what I did. I’m glad you’re here, really I am.”
“Mom, who’s here?” a voice from the back of the house shouted.
“It’s Matt,” she replied.
“Matt? Is it true? Does he look like a girl?” asked the voice.
Steps could be heard on the hardwood floor as Mel Watson walked to see his brother.
He rounded the corner and saw Brenda for the first time.
“Holy shit Matt, you look like a chick.”
“Watch your mouth young man. Don’t you dare use that language around your sister,” Natalie said.
“But he’s not my sister, he’s Matt,” Mel whimpered.
“As long as he looks like this, he’s your sister. Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes mom.”
Brenda couldn’t believe her ears, her mother had called her his sister. Maybe things would be alright, after all.
“Hey Mark, come here. We’ve got a sister and she’s hot.”
Mark came from the family room in the rear of the house and the results were the same as when Mel saw Brenda; except his mouth opened and nothing came out.
“Holy smoke Matt, you’re pretty. What happened?” he asked when he was able to talk.
“I’m undercover for the FBI. I’m investigating a drug ring in New York City. I have to look and act real, or I’ll be killed. A girl was killed by the ring ten months ago because she was going to go to the police.”
“Why do you have to be a girl?”
“Because the agency couldn’t find any girls to take the job, so my best friend and I went for it and here I am.”
“You have a friend like this too?”
“Only he’s much prettier than me. He’s a model.”
“You’re shitting me, a model?”
“Yes, a model. She’s becoming very famous too.”
“Who is she?”
“I can’t tell you that because if word got out she was an FBI agent she’d be killed. I’ll tell you after this is all over, but I can’t until then.”
“I know this sounds stupid, but I can’t call you Matt while you look like this. Do you have a girls name?”
“It’s Brenda.”
“You mean we can’t be the three M’s anymore?” Mel asked.
“I almost made that same mistake when I first went undercover. I was talking to a friend about our family and mentioned that we were the three M’s and he wondered how we could be called that if my name was Brenda. So I thought fast and now I have a middle name of Mary.”
“You were out with a guy?” Mark asked.
“No, I was just talking to a guy I know. You know, a friend, like you and Madison were years ago. You were best friends, but never dated. It’s kind of like that only he’s not my best friend.”
“Do you always dress like this?”
“Of course not, I wanted to look nice when I got here. This is what I wear to work. I have to look nice for the clients. Can we go sit down, my heels are killing me.”
“Welcome to my world Matt, oops I’m sorry, Brenda, let’s go into the family room. Mark, go get your sisters suitcase out of the car, she shouldn’t have to carry it, it’s too heavy for a girl,” Natalie said.
Mark went to retrieve the suitcase, while the others moved to the family room. The afternoon sun was just beginning to shine through the glass wall, which looked out to the small but usable swimming pool.
Brenda remembered the fun times she and her brothers had when they were younger, swimming and dunking each other when it was too hot to do anything else but be in the water. Being the youngest, she pretty much got the worse of the fun, but she had loved every minute of it. Even when they grew older, she still couldn’t beat the two older boys because she had the unfortunate genes that had made her the shortest brother. Both of the older boys had grown to over six feet tall, much like her father and she took after her mother and ended up at five-foot five. The only time it benefited her was when they went surfing, she was the best surfer in the family, but that was a while ago. She wondered now how her new body would be on a board and what it would be like to balance. Maybe next year she would try to find out.
Brenda walked to the sofa and lowered herself to the soft cushion. Her mother watched to see if her son was still living inside the girl. She must have been disappointed or thrilled, it was hard to read Natalie’s thoughts as she watched her daughter lower herself with legs together, down to sit. Brenda never lost any of her femininity as she did. Matt would have plopped down, legs apart and kick his feet onto the table in front of the sofa. It was almost a ritual to him. Brenda sat with her legs together after smoothing her skirt and pulling it down to mid thigh. She leaned over and removed her heels and curled her feet onto the sofa next to her hips.
Natalie was conflicted. Brenda was a pretty girl and she had class. She wasn’t sure what to think about this girl. After all, she had stolen her son away and replaced him with this, this thing. She wanted to give Matt love, but this wasn’t Matt anymore. Matt was gone and the way she sat proved that. How, she wondered, was she going to be able to love the girl that had killed her son?
Natalie was startled from her thoughts when Mark asked, “Mom, where should I put Brenda’s things?”
“In the small bedroom, you and Mel will have to share the larger room.”
“Mom, when can we go to see dad?” Brenda asked.
“After four, he’s in ICU and so only two of us can be in the room at one time. We're not allowed to stay for too long. Why don’t you get changed into something more comfortable before we leave?”
“Okay mom.”
“It’s only a little after two. I want to hear more about how this happened to Matt,” Mel said.
“Yeah me too,” Mark said.
“It all started as a stupid prank when we graduated from training back in Virginia. There’s this guy who thought it would be funny to have us made up like girls because we wanted to go undercover for this assignment in New York City. We didn’t know it was for a girl because all the notice asked for was volunteers. My friend Dirk and I asked if we could go on the assignment and of course he said yes and sent us to this woman who made us up. The big joke was that we would walk into this room and the guys would laugh and take some pictures and that would be the end of it. What they hadn’t counted on was the director walking in just before us. When we did, he thought it was a great idea. He thought we had volunteered to be girls for the assignment and told us how great we were for doing this. One guy even got a commendation for his part. If we decided not to do this we would have been kicked out of the program and that’s why I’m like this now.”
“What about your friend, how does he feel about this thing?”
“He hates it. He’s still angry that we had to do this thing.”
“I thought you said she’s a famous model?”
“She is, but she still doesn’t like it.”
“Are you pissed off too?”
“Of course not, I decided a long time ago to go with the flow. I would have to do this whether I was angry or not, so why be mad all the time? It was hard at first, trying to be like a girl, learning how to act was the hardest. When you’re a guy and have to act feminine it’s like being gay or something, but the more you behave like a girl the more you become like one, you become a different person. You learn to bury your male self and become a woman. It’s hard to describe, one day you're acting and then the next you’re not. You’ve become that person.”
“How did you get so pretty?” Mark asked.
“I took after mom.”
“Really Brenda, you looked like a surfer dude before. How do you do it?”
“It took a lot of time and some hormone treatment. The hormones made me look more like a woman and I learned a lot about makeup from an expert. Being a woman is more than looking like one, it’s how you carry yourself that says man or woman. I could remove my makeup and dress in boys clothes and walk into a room and people would want to know why I was dressed in boys clothes. It’s not how you look, its more than that, it's an attitude.”
“You’re tripping me out. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought you were born like this,” Mel said.
“Thank you I guess, my life depends on it.”
“What happens when this is all over? Can you be Matt again?” Mark asked.
“I don’t know, they said it should be reversible, but if it’s not we have a job for life. It's all in writing.”
“You mean you might be stuck like this?”
“Maybe, no one knows yet and we won’t know until it’s over.”
“Do you like being like this?” Mel asked.
“Yes, I do. It's fun!”
“Is it better than being a guy?”
“One’s not better than the other, they’re just different. When you’re a guy, you’re a guy, but when you’re a girl things are different. When you’re a guy people expect things from you, you’re supposed to be manly and tough, you know protective and you can’t show any weakness. But as a girl you don’t have to be that way, you’re free to be yourself. If you want to cry you can, people understand because that’s what a girl does or if you want to look pretty that’s okay too. If I don’t want to wear makeup, I don’t because no one will care. I can wear what I want without someone saying I look like a fruit. The only thing I have to worry about is some man bothering me and that hasn’t happened yet either. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world right now because I know what it’s like to be on the other side, to be a man.”
“Why do you say it’s fun? I think it would be embarrassing.”
“It’s only embarrassing if you don’t look or act like a girl. When you look at me do you see a guy?”
“No, if we didn’t know it was you I would have thought you were some girl visiting,” Mark replied.
“Part of the fun is fooling people and you know me, I love an adventure and being a girl is an adventure. Adventures are fun.”
“Well, I don’t like any part of this adventure. When you told me you were going to be a girl for some stupid assignment I thought it was funny. Maybe you would learn something, be a man in women’s clothing, but not this. You’ve actually become a woman,” Natalie said.
“I had to mom. The bad guys have guns and I would be killed if they thought I was a man.”
“What about your boobs? Do they have to be so big and how did you get them?” she asked.
“That was the size of breast forms they had and we decided that they would make me look more feminine. They make my shoulders look narrower.”
“They’re forms, let me see?”
“NO! I’m not going to show you that. Would you show us your boobs?”
“Of course not, I’m your mother.”
“And I’m your daughter. At least grant me my privacy.”
“I’m sorry Brenda, I shouldn’t have asked you that. I’m just not used to having a daughter. It’s almost time to go to the hospital, why don’t we get ready.”
Natalie felt bad for what she had asked Brenda to do. She was her daughter now and asking her to show her tits was disgusting to say the least. If she had been her daughter since birth, she would have struck someone that would have asked such a thing and yet she had done the same thing to her own flesh and blood, her daughter. She would have to change her way of thinking and try to enjoy her new family member, her daughter.
Brenda had been insulted by what her mother had asked her to do. Maybe I should leave; they all think I’m a freak anyway. I’ll go see my father and then get a room somewhere and wait until my flight departs. I don’t have to put up with this embarrassment.
Brenda opened her suitcase and found some jeans and a top to wear. She removed her panty hose and found a pair of white cotton socks to wear with her running shoes. The hell with them she thought, I’m going to be comfortable. She pulled on her jeans and noted that they seemed a little tighter than usual, her hips seemed to be larger. Her waist was smaller too, her curves were coming in with a vengeance, they might not like the new me, but I sure do and that’s the most important thing, she thought. She pulled her blouse down over her head and tucked it in, it was sleeveless and had a scooped neck and fit her perfectly, she looked good. Brenda brushed her hair and touched up her lipstick, they might not like me but I do.
“Brenda, are you ready?” Natalie asked.
“I’ll be right there.”
Brenda put her things in a more casual purse and joined the others for the ride to the hospital.
“You look nice Brenda,” Natalie said.
“Thanks mom.”
“I like what you did with your nails. Did it take long to do?” Natalie asked.
“Not too long, why do you ask?”
“Girls ask that sort of thing, you’ll learn,” she said.
The hospital was only five minutes away from their home and they soon pulled into the parking lot. Natalie walked with Mel and Brenda walked with Mark.
“You know sis, you’re really pretty. How do you handle guys hitting on you?” Mark asked.
“I just ignore them, that way they think I’m a bitch and leave me alone.”
“I have to admire you. What you’ve done takes more guts than I have, you’re a real man for doing this.”
“Don’t you mean I’m a real girl for doing this?” Brenda giggled.
“I guess you are.”
The foursome entered the elevator and were soon on the third floor.
The nurse recognized Natalie and the boys, but Brenda was a new face for her.
“Hi Natalie, Herman is doing a little better. Who’s this?” she asked.
“Hannah, this is my daughter Brenda, she just flew in from the east coast.”
“Hi Brenda, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” Hannah said as she extended her hand.
“It’s nice to meet you too Hannah,” Brenda replied as she took Hannah’s hand in hers.
Brenda followed Natalie to her father’s room. They entered and Brenda looked at the man in the bed. There were tubes going everywhere and several monitors above the bed.
“Herm, it’s me Natalie. I’m here with Brenda, please wake up,” Natalie said as tears filled her eyes.
“Daddy, it’s me Brenda. I’ve missed you,” Brenda said.
Brenda wanted to say more, but took his hand instead and held it. She looked at his hand in hers, his was so large and hers was so small and feminine looking by comparison. Her red nails looked nice against his tan skin. She wondered what he would say, if he were awake. Would he love her or reject her? She could only wonder.
Runway | Chapter 24: Home
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Chapter 24: Home
Herman Watson was a strong man and had loved all three of his boys equally. Mel was the studious one, Mark the dreamer, and Matt the wild one. Herman probably wouldn’t be too surprised by Matt’s new personality, because Matt would try anything. He might not even mind that he was now a girl, because Herman was pretty liberal that way. As long as it didn’t hurt someone else go for it was his mantra. Herman was a pretty special man.
Brenda held his hand for quite sometime. She left and Mel went in and then Mark did after Mel came out. Natalie never left his side. The visit lasted for several hours until they left for dinner. It was a quick stop at In and Out for burgers and fries. Brenda had missed the burgers and fries since her move to the east coast. Some things can’t be duplicated and In and Out is one of them. They ate at the restaurant, and then they went home. Natalie wanted to sleep. She had been up since four in the morning and because of the stress, she couldn’t sleep.
Herman seemed to be doing better, so she wanted to catch up on her sleep in case he turned for the worse and she would have to spend more time at the hospital.
The boys were still full of energy and had decided to go out for the evening.
“Mom, Mark and I are going out for a while, we’ll see you later,” Mel said.
“Hey, what about me?” Brenda asked. “Ashamed to be seen with your sister?”
“We didn’t know you would want to go,” Mel said.
“I’m not a nun. Of course I’d like to go.”
“Hey Mark, is it okay if Brenda comes with us?”
“I guess so, if she hurries and gets ready.”
“Is it okay if I take a shower?”
“If you rush.”
“I’ll go as fast as I can. Where are we going?”
“To a club up in San Luis Obispo, there’s more action there.”
“What should I wear?”
“A skirt or something. God women!” Mel said with exasperation in his voice.
Brenda entered the shower being careful not to wet her hair. She lathered her self and felt some stubble on her legs.
“Does anyone have a razor I could borrow? I need to shave my legs,” she shouted.
“God she really is a girl. Mom, do you have a razor Brenda can have?” Mark asked.
“In the hall closet.”
Mark found the razor and knocked on the bathroom door.
“Here Brenda,” he said as he handed it through the opening. Brenda took it being careful not to expose herself.
She soaped and shaved her legs. She liked the way they felt after she shaved them, so smooth. Brenda turned off the water and dried herself off. She decided to wear her black thong panties and matching lace bra, she wanted to feel sexy tonight. She pulled her sheer nude panty hose up her legs and smoothed them as she did. She liked the way they made her legs look and feel. Brenda decided on a short skirt that went to mid thigh and had ruffles around the hem. A small tank top that left her waist exposed seemed the right thing to wear. After all, she was just twenty-one. She did her makeup a bit more than usual and it made her look a bit like a tart. What the heck, she thought, she was going out and that meant attracting guys. She was going to have fun. She put her four-inch wedge sandals on last and looked in the mirror. My, my, Brenda, you’ve come a long way.
“I’m ready, let’s go,” she said.
“Holy crap Brenda, what are you doing? You’ll have every guy in the place after you looking like that,” Mark said.
“I told you she looked hot,” Mel said.
“Where do you think your going looking like that, young lady?” Natalie asked.
“I’m going out with my brothers. I am twenty-one mom,” Brenda replied.
“But you look like you’re trying to pick up a man.”
“I’ll be with Mel and Mark. Nothing’s going to happen.”
“You keep an eye on your sister, boys. I don’t want anything to happen to her. Brenda, I want a word with you before you go, come into my bedroom”
“Mom, we have to go,” The boys whined.
“This will only take a second. Brenda will be out in a minute.”
Brenda followed her mother into her bedroom.
“Close the door sweetheart.”
Did she hear right, her mother had just called her sweetheart?
“Sit next to me on the bed. Brenda, I want you to be careful, you’re a beautiful young woman and men prey on girls like you. It would break my heart if anything were to happen to you. I look at you now and think how lucky I am to have a daughter like you. If something were to happen to you, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing how I treated you earlier. I love you Brenda, I want you to be the best daughter a mother can have.”
“Mommy,” Brenda said and then the two women embraced.
“Come on Brenda, or we’ll leave without you,” Mel shouted.
“I’m coming. I have to go mom, get some rest, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Brenda joined the boys and they went out to Mel’s car.
“You sit in the back Brenda, your legs are shorter.”
“Typical men, make the women sit in the rear.”
“That’s not it. You’re our sister and sisters sit in back so if we see any girls they’ll know you’re not with us,” Mark said.
“God, even my brothers are pigs,” Brenda laughed.
The drive to San Luis Obispo was uneventful and they pulled up to the club forty-five minutes later.
Mark helped Brenda from the car and watched her try to cover her legs as she exited the rear of the vehicle. Damn, she has nice legs, he thought. I just wish she wasn’t my sister.
The three siblings entered the club and found a table.
“What do you want to drink?” Mel asked.
“I’ll have a Bud,” Mark answered.
“Is it okay if I have a lemon drop?” Brenda asked.
“It figures, a chick drink,” Mel said.
Mel called for the waitress and ordered the drinks.
“May I see your ID miss?” she asked.
Brenda opened her purse and handed her FBI identification to the girl.
“You’re a cop?” she asked.
“Not really, at least not here,” Brenda responded.
“Wow, that’s so cool. What can I get for you?” she asked.
“I’ll have a lemon drop please,” Brenda said.
“And two Buds,” Mark said.
The waitress left and the guys looked around the room to see what the evening might have to offer in the girl department. Brenda might be with them, but she wasn’t going to crimp their style. She could fend for herself.
The waitress returned with the drinks and placed them on the table. Both boys opened their wallets and laid a bill on the table.
“The total is fourteen dollars,” the girl said. “Three fifty for the beers and seven for the lemon drop.”
Brenda looked at her brothers waiting to see if chivalry had died, which apparently it had.
“What about me?” she asked.
“You’re our sister. You buy your own,” both boys said.
“Hmmph,” Brenda grunted as she opened her purse and placed a ten-dollar bill on the table.
“You’ll never get a girl friend this way,” she stated.
“And how would you know about that?” Mark asked.
“I’ve had my moments,” Brenda responded.
“You date guys?”
“No stupid, but I have been out with my girl friends and had men buy me drinks before,” she stated.
“Besides, why would we buy you a drink? Brothers don’t buy their sisters drinks. We’ll waste our money on a girl we can get chummy with,” Mark said.
“Speaking of which, did you see what just walked in the door?” Mel asked.
Two very attractive college coeds walked toward the bar and the two boys decided to make their move on them.
“Let’s buy them a drink. Sis, you’re on your own,” Mel said.
“You’re going to leave me?” she asked.
“You didn’t think we wanted to spend all night with our little sister, did you?”
“I don’t know, I just thought, I don’t know what I thought.” she responded.
“We’ll be back in a few minutes with some new friends, hopefully,” Mark said, as the boys headed off toward the girls.
Mel and Mark were good-looking guys and they felt pretty sure that they would be able to pick the girls up. Most girls like guys like these two, they were handsome, well dressed, and they knew all the right things to say to a girl.
Brenda sat alone and sipped her drink. She felt conspicuous by herself and was angry that her brothers had left her alone.
“Is this seat taken?” asked a cute young man.
“Not right now,” was Brenda’s curt answer.
“May I join you?” he asked.
“If you want,” Brenda replied.
“My name’s Lance,” he said, as he extended his hand.
“Brenda,” she said and then shook his offered hand.
“Do you go to school at Cal Poly?” he asked.
“No, I work,” she answered.
“Really, where?”
“I work for a modeling agency in New York.”
“Are you a model?”
“God no, models are pretty. I’m the receptionist.”
“I think you’re pretty. What are you doing out here in San Luis Obispo?”
“My father was in an accident and I came home to see him. My brothers brought me here to have some fun, but they left me and so here I am.”
“Why would they leave you?”
“They didn’t really leave me. They’re with some girls that just walked in. After all, who would want to hang out with their little sister?”
“Hmm, I see their point, but that means you have no one to dance with, unless you’ll dance with me?”
“Sure, why not. It’s not like I have a lot of choices,” Brenda replied.
What a bitch, Lance thought. If she wasn’t such a fox I’d be long gone, but maybe she’ll loosen up after dancing a little.
Lance and Brenda started dancing and as the dance progressed, Brenda started to smile. She was having a good time. Five dances later, Lance brought Brenda back to her table. Her brothers had scored and the two girls had joined the group.
“Brenda, who’s this?” Mel asked.
“Lance, these two are my brothers, Mel and Mark. Mel’s the one that can speak,” Brenda said. She was still pissed off that they had left her alone to pursue the bimbos they were with.
“Hi, nice to meet you,” he said.
“Brenda, this is Cindy and Veronica. Girls, this lovely little thing is my sister.”
“Hi,” Brenda said.
Lance found two chairs and brought them to the table and the couple sat down.
“Do you girls got to school?” Brenda asked.
“No, I work at the Ross store and Veronica works for a contractor. What do you do?”
“I’m a receptionist for a modeling agency in New York City.”
“Oh wow, really? Could you get me a job as a model?”
Cindy didn’t sound like the sharpest knife in the drawer so Brenda said, “You come and see me when you are in New York and I’ll see what I can do.”
If that doesn’t get Mel laid nothing will, Brenda thought.
“What do you do Lance?” Mark asked.
“I’m a student at Cal Poly. I’ll get my MA in education in the spring.”
“That’s cool.”
Brenda found her drink on the table that was full of bottles and glasses. Her brothers hadn’t lost any time getting refills while she was gone. She decided not to drink any more alcohol because she had a feeling she would be the designated drive when this evening was over.
The conversation continued and Brenda was right, both girls weren’t too bright. They seemed nice enough, but when it came to conversation, forget it. Girls like this were good for one thing and Brenda hoped her brothers were smart enough to wear condoms, because you could tell they weren’t the most chaste girls in the bar.
Lance asked Brenda to dance again and she decided that would be more fun than trying to have a conversation with the two airheads.
The music was still fast which Brenda liked because that meant no contact, except for the occasional touching of hands.
Four numbers went by and Brenda was finally enjoying Lance’s company. The fifth song was a slow one and Lance pulled Brenda into his arms and began to dance. Brenda placed her arm around his neck and laid her head on his shoulder. Brenda began to feel warm, and at first she didn’t know why. She knew when she felt her new breasts had become sensitive to the movement against them. She was becoming aroused. She couldn’t let this happen with her brothers here, so she pushed Lance back just enough so that she wouldn’t be touched on her breasts as they danced. Brenda also felt something else from Lance, he too had become aroused and it was in a much different place than her. She wanted to giggle, but thought better of it, remembering that at one time she too would have had the same reaction. The dance ended and the couple returned to the table.
“Mel, we should go,” Brenda said.
“Hey Mark, Brenda wants to go,” Mel said to his brother.
“Okay, thanks for giving me your number Veronica, I’ll call you,” Mark said.
The three siblings left the bar. The guys had had enough of the stupid dribble coming from the girl’s mouths and Brenda didn’t want to feel anymore of what she had felt during the dance.
“You looked like you were having fun Brenda. I thought it would bother me to see you with a guy, but it didn’t,” Mel said.
“Me too, but the more I looked at you the more I saw a woman. It’s been a weird night,” Mark said.
“I feel like a woman, so dancing with Lance felt like the right thing to do. Are you guys alright to drive?”
“I’ve had five or six beers, maybe you should drive Brenda.”
“Okay.”
Brenda drove home and Mark sat in the back seat of the car and promptly fell asleep. Brenda listened to the radio and found the stations she listened to when she lived at home. As she drove by the Avilla Beach sign, she smiled as she remembered the many times she spent surfing here. She missed home.
The next day Natalie wanted to take Brenda shopping.
“Brenda, would you go shopping with me?” she asked.
“You want me to go?”
“Yes, we need some groceries and since we will be out I’d like to go to the outlet stores.”
“Okay mom, let me get dressed. Is it okay if I wear shorts? I’d like to get some color on my legs.”
“Wear whatever you would like sweetheart.”
“What are Mel and Mark doing today?”
“I’m not sure. I think maybe they’re going surfing.”
Brenda put on a pair of white shorts and a light blue sleeveless blouse, some white canvass shoes and joined her mother.
Natalie wanted to get to know this person that had entered her life. She knew that inside the girl had once been Matt and maybe he was still there.
Mel had always been Natalie’s favorite child. He was kind and a studious boy when he was younger. He played sports and was quite good, but never an all star. Mark was the dreamer and stayed pretty much to himself as a child, which probably explains why he went into acting. Natalie felt that Matt was his father’s favorite child because of his carefree attitude and willingness to try anything without so much as a thought of what the consequences might be. He was wild, which probably was the reason he signed up for the FBI academy. It would be a new adventure for him, chasing bad guys and doing dangerous things.
Natalie saw this carefree attitude in Brenda too, except she seemed a bit more restrained. Getting to know this girl was going to make for an interesting day.
As the day progressed, a change came over Natalie as she got to know Brenda. When the day started, Natalie would introduce Brenda to people as “Brenda”, pretty much as though she was a casual acquaintance. However, as the day continued she became ‘my daughter Brenda’ and her pride showed when she said, “her daughter”.
The two women had been shopping at the outlet stores and they were both having fun trying on and buying outfit after outfit until Brenda realized something, she couldn’t bring these clothes home with her on the plane.
“Mom, there’s no room for all this in my suitcase. What am I going to do?”
“Put them in the closet in the bedroom so you’ll have them to wear when you come back home,” Natalie said.
“What if Matt is the one to come home?”
“I don’t think that will happen. After spending the day with my daughter, as a mother, I know when my child has become something other than what they originally were and I see nothing but a lovely girl now. I would be disappointed if I were to lose her now.”
“You would like me to stay like this?”
“I would be proud to have a daughter like you, and after watching you today I think you would have a very difficult time becoming Matt again.”
“Why would you think that?”
“Because you’ve become a lovely woman inside as well as outside. When this thing is over you will be able to remove your makeup and change your clothes and wear men’s clothing again, but it won’t change the person you’ve become. You’re a woman now Brenda and no mater how hard you try nothing will change that and I doubt you will want to have those beautiful breasts removed.”
“My breasts? You know about my breasts?”
“Of course silly girl, a mother notices things like that and with all the clothes we tried on today. I couldn’t help but notice that they matched your skin perfectly. My friend Mona had a mastectomy and wore forms and her skin color never quite matched her forms. They looked real enough, but you could tell they weren’t real if they showed.”
“Are you going to hate me for what I’ve done?” Brenda asked. Her fear of rejection showed in her voice.
“If you were to have asked me that yesterday, when you arrived, I would have said yes. However, after getting to know my sweet daughter, all I can do is love you Brenda, you’re my daughter now.”
Brenda looked at her mother and wondered when she had changed her opinion of her. She had never been close to Matt and treated him almost as though he had been an afterthought. Now though she could feel the love her mother had for her, it wasn’t a false display but a real feeling of affection toward Brenda. She felt her eyes begin to fill with tears as the years of doubt disappeared.
“I love you mom,” she said in a barely audible voice.
“I love you too, my baby,” and the two embraced.
The two women finished shopping and returned home to clean out the closet for Brenda’s new purchases. They would be going to the hospital soon and the day’s distractions had been good for Natalie, it had given her time to think of other things beside her husband.
They were almost finished when Brenda asked her mother a question.
“Mom, what do you think dad’s going to say when he sees me?” Brenda asked.
“I think he’ll love you as much as I do. Your father is a very strong person and he supports you kids and what you do no matter what. He always has tried to let you find your own way. There were times he didn’t like what Mark was doing, but didn’t interfere because he knew the best lessons in life were the ones learned from experience.”
“But what I’ve done is very much different than becoming an actor.”
“He’ll love you with all his heart Brenda, don’t worry. He’ll be proud to have a daughter like you.”
“I hope so mom, I truly do.”
The visit to the hospital was pretty much the same as the day before, except Brenda’s father seemed to be a bit more alert, if eye movement means anything.
The boys went out again that night, but Brenda elected to spend time with her mother and stayed home. It was still a time for discovery for both women, Natalie about her daughter and Brenda seeing a whole different person than she knew when she was a boy. The whole experience was bonding the two into a mother daughter relationship, one that couldn’t be broken.
On Sunday, the boys elected to go surfing again and asked Brenda if she wanted to come with them.
“Hey Brenda, we're going up to Avilla. Do you want to go with us?” Mark asked.
“I don’t have a wetsuit that fits me anymore. I guess I could watch and get a tan,” she replied.
“It’s going to be eighty there today, you’ll get tan for sure,” Mark said.
“Can we stop off at Pismo so I can buy a top to wear with my shorts?”
“If you hurry, there was a storm up north and the waves are big, but they aren’t going to last, but yes I guess we can stop for our little sister,” Mel replied.
Brenda wore her white shorts again with a simple blouse and her four-inch cork wedge sandals, she wanted to be comfortable but look good too. She applied her makeup and brushed her hair into an acceptable style and went to join her brothers.
“Mom, I’m going with Mel and Mark to Avilla. We’re stopping at Pismo so I can buy a top so I can get a tan, we’ll see you later.”
“Brenda, if you’re going to buy the kind of top I think you are you’d better tell your brothers about your chest before they see it, or I’ll have three men in the hospital. One from an accident and two from a heart attack.”
“Yes mom,” Brenda giggled.
The three kids departed for Pismo and were soon at the row of shops that cater to tourists.
“Here we are Brenda, don’t take too long, okay?”
“I’ll rush,” she replied.
Brenda went into a shop and found the top, only it was part of a bikini set. She liked it so she bought it and changed into the top in the dressing room and put her blouse on over the garment.
“Was I quick enough?” she asked when she returned.
“If you call fifteen minutes fast,” Mark growled.
“That’s fast for a girl,” she laughed.
They drove off and were soon at the beach were they surfed. There were many surfers already there. The news of the waves had spread quickly and there was a larger crowd than usual trying to determine whether or not they wanted to risk injury or a broken board.
“Guys, there is something I have to tell you before we get out of the car,” Brenda said.
“What? To be careful? I know you used to ride these waves all the time, but Mark and I have improved and I feel confident we can too,” Mel said.
“It’s not that, it’s about me. Remember our conversation the first night I got here?” she asked.
“Yes, what about it?”
“Remember what I had said about my breasts, you know the forms?”
“Yes, you said that’s why you have tits.”
“Don’t call them that, girls don’t like it. Well I, umm, sort of, umm, uhh,” Brenda stammered.
“God, just say it Brenda, I want to get in the water,” Mark said.
“Okay I will, these are mine and they don’t come off,” she said.
“You really have tits Brenda? Holy shit, you’re kidding,” Mel blurted out.
“They’re breasts damn it, tits sounds so dirty. I wanted to tell you before I took my blouse off so you wouldn’t be shocked, so here goes,” she said as she unbuttoned her blouse.
Brenda removed her blouse and the boys saw why she had told them, her breasts were perfect, like a boys wet dream. Her top was a floral pattern and was held up by a strap that tied around her neck and buttoned behind her back.
“Jesus Brenda, you can’t wear that outside, the guys will be all over you,” Mel said.
“They will not, I don’t look any different than any of the other girls out there.”
“But you’re our sister, that’s different.”
“And if I wasn’t your sister it would be alright for me to be outside?”
“I guess. We don’t want anything to happen to you, that’s all, we do worry about you,” Mark said.
“Thanks for your concern, but nothing's going to happen to me. Remember, I’m an FBI agent and do know how to take care of myself. I’ll be fine,” she said.
“You may know all that karate stuff, but we still worry. You’re not our brother anymore, you’re our sister and big brothers protect their sisters. That’s just the way it is.”
“I’ll be fine, I’m just going to sit on the sea wall and watch and I’m sure I’ll be able to find some big strong guy to protect me if I need to,” she giggled.
“It’s not funny Brenda, we love you and if something were to happen to you, well you know.”
“Go get in the water, I’ll be fine.”
“Okay, but be careful.”
“I will.”
The boys removed their boards from the carrier on the top of the car’s roof after they put on their wetsuits and walked to the water. The waves were large and it was making entry into the water difficult.
Brenda walked to the stone wall and sat down. The sun felt warm as it washed over her body. She closed her eyes and tilted her head back and lost herself in the feelings of warmth. She didn’t know how sexy she looked posing like this and soon guys were stopping what they were doing to watch the beauty. One muscled guy decided to take a chance at meeting her and walked to her side.
“Excuse me miss, may I sit here?” he asked.
“If you’d like,” Brenda answered.
“Did your boyfriend dump you to go in the water?” he asked.
“No, I’m here with my brothers,” she replied.
Brenda looked at the guy’s face. He had blue eyes and dark hair. His face was kind and well tanned from spending many days in the sun.
“Do you come here often?” he asked.
“I did several years ago.”
“Why did you stop coming?”
“You’re kind of nosey aren’t you?”
“I’m sorry, cops are like that.”
“You’re a policeman?”
“Yes, up in San Luis Obispo. Today’s my day off.”
“And you're not spending it with your wife?”
Brenda couldn’t believe she just asked that question, how stupid. Now he’ll think I’m interested in him, although he is cute she thought.
“I’m not married. I was, but my wife didn’t like me being married to my job so it only lasted for a year.”
“Did you have any kids?” Brenda asked.
“No, we didn’t have time. That’s the way our lives are when you’re a cop.”
“I guess they are,” Brenda replied, using her own life as an example.
She knew how the guy felt only more so. Her assignment had become a twenty-four —seven job, one that would never end.
“I’m Marty Taft, it’s nice to meet you Miss?”
“Brenda Watson, hi.”
“What do you do Brenda?” Marty asked.
“You don’t want to know, it’s boring compared to police work.”
“Please tell me?”
“I’m a receptionist for a modeling agency in New York City.”
“What are you doing way out here on the west coast?”
“My father was in an accident and I came to see him. I have to go back east tomorrow.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, I would have liked to ask you out.”
“That would have been nice, maybe if I come back you could.”
“Let me take your number and I’ll give you a call.”
Brenda gave Marty her number and they talked for a while longer. Mel saw the guy with his sister and decided it was time to go home.
He walked to the couple and said, “Brenda, we're going, the water is too rough. Who’s your friend?”
“Marty, this is my protector, my older brother, Mel.”
“It’s nice to meet you Mel, you have quite a sister, it’s no wonder you want to protect her.”
“That’s what brothers do, let’s go sis.”
“It was nice meeting you Marty. Maybe I’ll see you again.”
Mark was waiting for Mel and Brenda at the car and was strapping the surfboards to the car.
“Who was the guy?” Mark asked.
“Just a guy,” Brenda responded.
“Be careful sis,” Mark admonished her.
“Don’t worry, I will be.”
The weekend past quickly and Brenda had to leave to continue her life in New York, she had a job to do.
“Brenda, do you have everything packed?” Natalie asked.
“Yes mom, I even packed one of the new dresses we bought.”
“I’m going to miss you sweetheart, and I’m going to be worried for you.”
“You don’t have to worry mom, you didn’t before did you?”
“No I didn’t, but things are different now.”
“How’s that?”
“You’re a girl now and things are different.”
“I’ll be fine mom, don’t worry.”
Natalie hugged her daughter and walked her to the rental car.
“Hey, what about us?” Mel shouted as the two men ran from the house.
“I’m sorry, I forgot all about you,” Brenda said.
“Typical girl, always forgetting the guys. Do I get a hug from my sister?” asked Mark.
“Me too,” Mel said.
Brenda hugged her brothers and her mother once again. She was going to miss them. Brenda felt at peace, she had been accepted by her family and knew they had come to love their new family member. All that was left now was the final operation. How can life be so wonderful, she wondered.
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Chapter 25: -
Brenda dragged into work, the effects of her flight clearly evident by her constant yawning.
“Brenda, how’s your father?” Melissa asked when she arrived.
“He seems to be a little more alert, thanks for asking.”
“Are you busy tomorrow night, there’s a party that I’d like you to attend with me?”
“Sure, I’ll go. Have you heard from Tiffany?”
“God that girl, she’s so busy I would like to have two more of her. She won’t be in for the rest of the week, she’s at a shoot up at Niagara Falls for a car company and the weather isn’t cooperating. I really need her for some other work, but this is paying so well I couldn’t take her off it. She even has a speaking part in it. This girl is going to be the most sought after model in the business after the advertisement airs on television.”
“I’m so happy for her. Are you bringing a date tomorrow night?”
“I’m not sure yet. I might bring my police escort,” Melissa giggled.
“Are you two a couple now?”
“Not really a couple, we just like to sleep together. A woman does have her needs now and then,” Melissa laughed.
“Isn’t it awkward with him being married and all?”
“That keeps it safe, I take him home and bed him. After I’m done with him I send him on his way, that way there are no strings or attachments and I’ve used him for my own purposes.”
“Couldn’t you sleep with anyone, you’re certainly pretty enough?”
“This is just between you and me Brenda, he knows how to please a woman and he has information I need. He gives it to me or I’ll tell his wife what he has been doing. It’s as simple as that my dear, the lovemaking is just an added bonus.”
Melissa chuckled as she went into her office.
Mario came in an hour later with his delivery. He kissed Brenda softly on the lips.
“I missed you,” he said.
“That felt nice, I missed you too.”
“How was California? Is your dad okay?”
“California was nice, it was nice to be back there. My dad’s a little better. He showed signs of waking up soon.”
“Do you have time for lunch?” he asked.
“I’ll see how the day is going. Check back at eleven-thirty, I’ll know by then,”
Connie came in next.
“Is Melissa in?” she groused.
“Well good morning to you too Connie. Yes, she’s in,” replied Brenda.
“I have to see her,” she said as she barged in to Melissa’s office and slammed the door shut with a bang.
Normal conversations were impossible to hear from Melissa’s office, but this wasn’t going to be a normal conversation, at least from Connie’s end.
“You bitch. How could you set me up with a sick bastard like that?” Connie screamed.
Brenda could hear a mumbling of words coming from Melissa, but she was speaking too softly to hear what she was saying.
“Because I owe you? That’s bullshit Melissa, why can’t I just work it off modeling?” Connie yelled.
More mumbling.
“How dare you say that, I’m the top model here not Tiffany. I want jobs.”
More sounds from Melissa.
“Those aren’t the jobs I want. I don’t want to be a whore; I want to be on the runway.”
Melissa’s voice was becoming louder, but still couldn’t be understood.
“You’re the one that gave me the drugs in the first place Melissa, you owe me,” Connie screamed.
“Get out of my office you junky whore and do as I say, if you don’t, you know what can happen,” Melissa screamed back at Connie.
Connie fled Melissa’s office in tears, slamming the door behind her as she left.
“Connie, what’s wrong?” Brenda asked with sincere concern in her voice.
“It’s Melissa, you wouldn’t believe what she’s doing to me,” she replied, as the tears streamed down her face.
“Would you like to talk about it, Connie? I can be a good friend?”
Connie had never seen this side of Brenda before. Actually, she was so into herself that she hadn’t really noticed the girl behind the desk.
“Can we have lunch together?” Connie asked.
“Of course we can, let me know what time and we’ll go,” Brenda said.
Brenda couldn’t believe her good luck. She was going to be able to talk to Connie about what was happening around Universal. Tiffany had tried to get her to talk, but Connie hated Tiffany and because of her jealousy wouldn’t say anything to her. Because of her anger at Melissa, Connie might say more than if they were at a party, Brenda had to make her move today.
Mario called back and Brenda told him that she couldn’t go with him, but she would call him after work.
Brenda brought Connie to a quiet restaurant nearby and found a booth to sit in.
“Connie, what happened this morning? I’ve never seen you so upset,” Brenda asked.
“Brenda, it’s terrible what Melissa’s doing to me. I was her favorite model and now she just wants me to prostitute myself.”
“How can she do that? Can’t you say no?” Brenda asked.
Connie reached across the table and took Brenda’s hands in hers, her eyes filled with tears. Connie looked lost as she looked at Brenda hoping she would become the support she needed as her life unraveled.
“Brenda, I’ve never told anyone what Melissa has done to me and please don’t tell anyone what I’m going to tell you. Promise?” Connie whimpered.
“I promise Connie,” Brenda replied.
Brenda wondered, what would have turned Connie from first class bitch to a pathetic sad girl in just days. Brenda had to learn more.
“When I first came here three years ago Melissa took me under her wing and taught me everything I needed to know about modeling. She was just finishing her career as a model and had already been running the agency for several years. She seemed to really like me. I was very young, only eighteen and very naíve. I thought she truly liked me, but that wasn’t the case, I was nothing more than income to her. She told me I was the prettiest and most desirable girl she had working for her and of course I believed her, I was such a fool. Natalia Breshnakov was the number one model and I fooled myself into thinking I would replace her. She was beautiful and smart, but loved her men. Melissa thought she could do to Natalia what she has done to me but she couldn’t and Natalia threatened to go to the police. I think Melissa had Natalia killed, but there is no proof of that and if there were her boyfriend would see to it that nothing would happen to her.”
“I don’t understand Connie, what did Melissa do to you?”
“After Natalia was killed I became the number one model here and I got all the best assignments and with that came the parties. I was tired all the time and Melissa gave me something to make me feel better. Soon I needed the drugs to make it through the day. It was quick, only a few months and I had to have them several times a day. Tiffany came and suddenly she was the number one girl and I could be cast aside, except I needed the drugs. Melissa was more than happy to give them to me, but I had to pay for them. They were free at first, but as my need grew so did the cost of them, first money and then sexual favors to her clients. Finally, she made me go with a man every night to pay for my needs. Oh God Brenda, it was terrible, last night she made me go with this man and he abused me. I didn’t know a person could be so sick,” Connie said as she dissolved in tears.
This was a side of Connie that Brenda didn’t know existed. She had feelings and they had become very exposed to Brenda at the moment. Brenda wanted to comfort the girl right now, but thought she might be able to discover information about Melissa if Connie didn’t think first before speaking.
“Melissa has been giving you drugs, Connie?”
“Yes, everyday and now I can’t stop without getting sick.”
“When does she give them to you?”
“At work.”
“Where does she get them, and where does she keep them? I’ve never seen them in her office?”
“She has a small safe hidden behind that disgusting picture of herself on the wall behind her desk and keeps them there.”
Ah, now we’re making some progress, Brenda thought.
“Where does she get them?”
“I don’t know. I have some ideas, but I’m not sure.”
“You must have some idea as to who the supplier is?” Brenda asked.
“The only ones I can think off are Ron and Susan Marques.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Ron’s brother is in jail for selling drugs and Susan was his girlfriend. It makes sense to me, but I really can’t say for sure, it’s just a hunch,” Connie said.
“Are you the only girl that Melissa is doing this too?”
“Heavens no, there are at least ten others, maybe more,” Connie replied.
“Do I know who they are?” Brenda asked.
“Just me and Jillian, the others don’t even come in anymore, Melissa just calls them and they go on their dates, they don’t even model anymore, they just have sex.”
“What does Melissa get from this?”
“Half of what we make. She gets a thousand and we get the same and she gives us the drugs.”
“That’s disgusting, Connie. Why don’t you quit and work somewhere else?”
“I can’t, I need the stuff she gives me. I’m sorry Brenda, I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
“Okay, if you ever need a friend Connie, you can call me anytime you want.”
“Thank you Brenda, it’s nice to have a friend.”
“I have to get back to work, I’ll see you later Connie.”
“Bye Brenda.”
Mario came by and asked Brenda to dinner, which she naturally accepted. She called Susan Marques to cancel their weekly dinner date. It was important to talk to Susan again, but she missed Mario and wanted to be held by him again. Love will do that to a woman.
Brenda rushed home and changed into something more seductive. She wanted Mario to see the results of Dr. Branson’s work.
She changed into her Victoria’s secret lacy bra and a blouse that barely covered that bra. She looked hot. She applied her makeup for evening and brushed out her hair. The short skirt and four-inch heels finished the look. She knew she would impress her man.
Mario arrived, and he was impressed by the new Brenda and the breasts she had never really shown before. He had trouble looking her in the eye when they spoke.
Brenda knew the effect she was having on poor Mario. After all, she had been there once herself, but now she was on the receiving end and as much as she liked having this effect on Mario her attitude had changed. She wanted to be looked at in the eye and not at the breasts. God, had she changed.
“So Mario, is it my imagination or did my eyes move to my chest?” Brenda asked.
Mario turned red with embarrassment. He couldn’t help himself, Brenda’s breasts were so perfect looking, the flesh rising from her chest and curving seductively into her blouse. Her cleavage whispering look at me, I want to be seen and touched.
“I’m sorry Brenda, you look so different tonight.”
“Don’t you like the way I look?”
“Are you kidding? You look fabulous, but do me a favor, don’t wear this to my mother’s.”
“Why not?” she giggled.
Brenda knew she would be a boy’s mother’s worse nightmare looking the way she did tonight. When it came to mothers, it was long skirts and high necklines.
“You would shatter my mom’s opinion of you. She thinks you walk on water.”
“And you don’t think so?”
“Of course I do, but I love you.”
“Then give me a kiss so we can get going,” she responded.
Mario took Brenda in his arms and she put her arms around his neck and they kissed deeply. The sexual tension Brenda had started was building and Brenda felt Mario becoming aroused against her. She wanted so badly to take his thing in her hand and just the thought was making her nipples hard. God they’re sensitive, she thought as she moved against her man, which caused her to become even more inflamed.
“We’d better go,” she whispered when she broke the kiss.
Brenda knew if she were to continue she would lose all control of herself. She couldn’t let that happen or her secret would be discovered, but oh how she wanted this man right at that moment.
The couple was seated at dinner and they were talking about Brenda’s trip to California.
“You watched your brothers surfing?” Mario asked.
“Yes, I wanted to surf too, but the waves were really big and I haven’t been on a board for a while, so I decided against it.”
“How did your brothers do?”
“Mel made it out, but wiped out. Mark decided not to try because Mel’s a better surfer. I bought a bikini to wear while I was there. I’ll show it to you when we go for some sun.”
“Did you wear it to the beach?”
“Of course, the sun felt good and besides my brothers were there to protect me.”
“That’s good. My mom missed you last Sunday, she was worried that we broke up or something.”
“How could we break up, were not engaged or anything.”
“My mom thinks we’re a couple since you’re the first girl I’ve ever brought to Sunday dinner. My mom’s old fashion that way.”
“I think it’s sweet of her.”
“You do?”
“Yes I do. What’s wrong if I like being part of a family?”
“But she thinks it’s more than that. She practically has us married.”
“I see your point. I don’t think I’m ready for marriage, are you?”
Mario took Brenda’s hand in his and said, “To the right girl I am.”
Brenda was at a loss for words. Had Mario just asked her to marry him, or did he mean something else, she had to diffuse this situation.
“And have you found the right girl?” she asked nervously.
“I think so, but I don’t want to rush her into anything she isn’t comfortable with. She’ll know when the time is right.”
Brenda breathed a sigh of relief. She was flattered that Mario felt this way about her, but there was no way she would marry just yet. God what was she thinking? She couldn’t marry Mario while she was undercover it would blow her disguise, it would have to wait. Brenda had forgotten the most important thing; she was still a man even though she now thought of herself as being a woman.
Brenda had to change the subject. Things were getting much too intense for her.
“I have to go to another party with Melissa tomorrow night. I don’t think it’s fair that I have to go to those things,” Brenda complained.
“Didn’t Melissa tell you that it was part of the job when she hired you?” Mario asked.
“She did, but I didn’t know they would be so often. I think I’m just complaining more tonight because I’m still tired from yesterdays flight home.”
“I know how I feel when I’m tired. Let’s finish up and I’ll take you home, you need some rest,” Mario said.
“That’s why I love you, you always think of me before yourself,” Brenda said.
The couple finished dinner and Mario brought his girlfriend home. They embraced and soon fell into the familiar goodnight kiss. Brenda was having a hard time dealing with the intense feelings coming from her breasts. It felt so wonderful not to have the forms holding her apart from her lover, but it was also causing a great distraction for her. She wanted to bed this man.
She pushed Mario back and said, “Goodnight, I love you.”
She unlocked her door and entered her apartment. She had to remove herself from the reason for her lust.
“I love you too,” he replied as he watched her close the door.
Runway | Chapter 26:
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Chapter 26:
Brenda had to find something to wear to the party the following night. She wouldn’t have time in the morning. She would change at work and go directly to the party with Melissa.
Brenda looked through her wardrobe, she had to find the right dress and shoes to wear. She loved having her charge card and the fact that the government was paying the bill for her purchases for having done what they had to her. Now though, she had become a clotheshorse and there would have been no way she could afford what she had been buying.
Brenda found the dress she wanted to wear; it was a Betsey Johnson baby-doll lace dress, light blue in color, very feminine and a cute pair of sandals that would be perfect.
Wednesday was routine and it was time to go to the party. Brenda dressed and waited for Melissa to come from her office.
“Brenda, what a beautiful dress. Where did you get it?” Melissa asked as she exited her office.
“At a little boutique on fifth avenue.”
“You’re gorgeous. I wish you were a little taller, so you could model for me.”
“Thank you, Melissa.”
“I hired a limo to take us to the party and that way we won’t be outside for to long. It’s getting cold with winter coming on. Do you have a wrap?”
“Yes,” Brenda said, as she put it around her shoulders
The girls went down the elevator to the waiting limousine and entered while the driver held the door for them.
“I do like the better things in life Brenda, thank you for going with me tonight. My boyfriend’s wife demanded that he take her out for dinner, what a wimp,” Melissa laughed, “I thought I was the only one to control him like that.”
“That’s mean, he’s just doing his husbandly duties,” Brenda said.
“I know, but I wanted to talk to him about something important.”
Melissa reached for her purse, opened it and removed a small gold case. She snapped open the lid and revealed some white powder. She dipped her long fingernail into it and sniffed it into her nose.
“Would you like some Brenda?”
“What is it?” Brenda asked.
“Coke, try it, I think you will like it,” Melissa replied.
“I don’t know if I should, I had a reaction to it the first time I tried it and ended up in the hospital.”
“That was probably from the stuff they cut it with. Try just a little, it’s really good.”
Brenda was in a quandary, if she didn’t try it Melissa wouldn’t trust her and she had to gain her trust if she expected Melissa to open up to her, so she had to let her guard down.
Brenda dipped her pinky nail into the powder and lifted it to her nose and drew her breath in causing the powder to disappear.
The hit was almost instant. Brenda felt her body become alive with feeling, she felt giddy as the rush overwhelmed her.
“How do you feel Brenda?” Melissa asked.
“Oh my God, I feel wonderful.”
“Would you like some more?” Melissa asked.
“God no, if I felt any better I would burst.”
Brenda knew she couldn’t take more if she were to be able to think about the rest of the evening and she knew that she might like this drug too much, she had to control herself.
Melissa was disappointed that this little beauty didn’t want more of the drug, but she could work on that later. She would make a wonderful addition to her stable of escorts.
“Just ask if you’d like some more Brenda.”
”I will when I’m ready,” Brenda giggled.
Brenda could feel every nerve in her body. No wonder people get hooked on this stuff, she thought. It would be so easy.
The car stopped and the doors opened, they had arrived at the party. Brenda felt alive as she exited the car. The cocaine had made her aware of the most subtle touch and sound as if she had gone into her own world. She looked down at her feet and saw her painted toenails peeking through her sheer pantyhose. Her sandals were exquisite, two tiny straps crossing her dainty feet and held in place by a sexy ankle strap. She noticed that her ankles had become smaller and very feminine looking. Her calves were soft and shapely as they reached her nicely shaped knees. She remembered her knees as being kind of bony, but now they looked girlish.
She started to walk into the building and heard the click, click of her heels The sound made her listen to every noise she was making, the swish of her nylons and the subtle whisper of her lace and satin dress as it caressed her legs, the jangle of the bracelets she wore on her wrist. She felt her heels as they made her stand tall and the slight movement of her feet as her nylons slid on the sole. She felt the caress of her half-slip and dress as they touched her legs. Her breasts were becoming engorged from the subtle jiggling as they moved when her feet touched the ground. Her earrings softly touched her neck when she moved her head and the wind moved her hair just enough to remind her of the soft tendrils around her face. The final piece of the puzzle had finally fallen into place, not only did she look pretty, she felt pretty.
All this time she had spent becoming Brenda she had gone through the motions of becoming pretty. Everything she had done was with purpose, wear something feminine, it will look good. She liked the way her lingerie felt when she wore it, soft and quite nice, after all it was part of the disguise. She kept trying harder to be that girl and had her breasts done which made her look more like a real girl. Her figure had also changed from the first day of this adventure and it had become curvy with the hormone use and still had more to go. She liked the way she felt, feminine and she looked good, but now she felt something else, she felt pretty. She could close her eyes and her feelings wouldn’t change and she finally got it. Being a woman came from inside not from the exterior. She now knew why she wore nice lingerie, not because it felt good, but because it made her feel pretty. It couldn’t be seen but without it she would feel differently about herself, she wouldn’t feel complete. She now had to wear a bra, it could be any bra, all she needed was support so why did she buy ones that looked so nice when she wore them, to feel pretty, everything she did made her feel pretty.
Brenda walked into the room and there was a new aura about her, she had a virginal quality to her. Her skin was soft looking and her breasts showed a small amount of cleavage above her dress, she would make heads turn this evening.
The room was large and was filled with the usual beautiful people all wanting to be seen at these functions. Brenda felt fresh and alive as she gazed around the room.
“May I take your wrap?” asked the hostess.
“Yes,’ Brenda replied.
She walked beside Melissa and they headed to the bar. Maybe a glass of white wine would bring her down just a little.
Melissa was on a mission, there were many faces to remember and greet. Looking and being seen is the most important part of the fashion industry.
Brenda sipped her wine as she was introduced to the people Melissa greeted. Some names she knew but most were strangers. Brenda’s mind was drifting as the wine hit her empty stomach.
“Brenda, this is Tad Williams. He works for Vogue and he is dying to meet you,” Melissa said.
Brenda stirred from her boredom and looked up at Tad. He was very handsome and quite tall, at least he seemed to be. Even in heels, Brenda was looking up to see his face.
“It’s nice to meet you Tad,” Brenda said and extended her hand to his.
“I’m very pleased to meet you Brenda, I haven’t been able to keep my eyes off of you since you entered the room. You’re very beautiful.”
Brenda felt her face turning red. She was blushing with the compliment.
“Thank you,” she replied.
“Would you like another glass of wine Brenda?” Tad asked.
“That would be nice,” she replied.
“I’m going to take Brenda to the little girls room Tad, we’ll be right back,” Melissa said.
“I’ll be waiting,” he said.
Melissa took Brenda’s hand and led her to the restroom.
“Brenda, I need you to do a really big favor for me,” Melissa said.
“What’s that?” Brenda asked.
“I want you to keep Tad entertained for the rest of the evening. He really likes you a lot. It’s important that you spend time with him because he’s one of the people that recommend models for their magazine and I’ve been trying to get in there for years. If he likes you as much as I think he does, we will be recommended.”
“What am I supposed to do?”
“Just flirt with him a bit and hold his hand, make him think you’re interested in him.”
“I don’t know if I can do that,” Brenda said.
“Of course you can dear,” Melissa said as she looked to see if the restroom was empty. “Take a little more of this and then go have fun.”
Melissa opened her small container of cocaine and dipped her fingernail into the powder and put it under Brenda’s nose. Brenda had no choice, but to sniff it into her nose. She felt the hit as it entered her bloodstream and felt her nerves come alive once again. Melissa snapped the container shut and handed it to Brenda.
“This is my gift to you for doing this for me Brenda, and if you need more just ask,” Melissa said.
Melissa could see the change in Brenda’s demeanor as the cocaine took control of her brain. She had changed from a bored young woman to one full of excitement. She’ll be easy, Melissa thought. I’ll have her turning tricks by June.
Brenda placed the container in her purse, her brain was in overdrive, she couldn’t believe the excitement she felt right then, she wanted to party.
“Thank you Melissa, you’re very kind,” Brenda said. “I’ve got to get back to Tad.”
“Good girl, we’ll leave here in about two hours. Keep Tad happy.”
“I will.”
Brenda returned to Tad.
“Ready for that wine?” he asked.
“You bet,” Brenda said as she laid her hand on Tad’s arm’
Tad placed his other hand on Brenda’s and they walked to the bar. Tad handed Brenda her glass of wine and he took a glass of red.
“Have you worked for Melissa for very long Brenda?” he asked.
“I guess I’ve been there for almost five months.”
“I would have visited if had known you were there.”
“I bet you say that to all the girls,” Brenda giggled.
“Only the pretty ones,” he replied. “Where are you from?”
“California, why do you ask?”
“Because you’re nice, most girls from here are jaded and I like you, you’re sweet.”
“Thank you, but you don’t even know me. Maybe I’m really horrible,” she giggled.
“I doubt it. I’m a pretty good judge of character. How do you like working for Melissa?”
“It can be a chore at times, but she can be very nice too.”
“Let’s look at the photos. I have one here.”
Tad took Brenda’s hand and they walked to the photo wall. He explained each photo to her and who had shot the picture. She was bubbling with excitement and was soon leaning into him. Tad placed his arm around Brenda’s waist as they continued the stroll.
Brenda couldn’t stop chatting, she was rambling on and on and soon they were in front of a large window that looked out over the city. Brenda looked out the window and stopped talking for the first time in fifteen minutes. Tad placed his drink down and stepped behind her and placed both hands around her waist. Brenda could feel the stiffness in his pants as he pulled her tight.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” he asked.
“Oh yes,” Brenda answered She was mesmerized by the sight.
Every light and every shadow was magnified by the cocaine she had taken earlier, and the city was seducing her. Tad moved his lips to her neck and kissed her softly below her ear. Brenda giggled when he did.
“That tickles,” she said as she wiggled away from him. Brenda was definitely charged, but not sexually and Tad knew tonight wouldn’t be the night with this little beauty.
“Shall we rejoin the others?” he asked.
“I think that would be a good idea,” Brenda said. She didn’t want anything to do with what Tad had in mind.
“Brenda, I’ve been looking all over for you, I want to leave. You two haven’t been naughty have you?” Melissa asked.
“Nothing of the sort Melissa, Tad was just showing me the city,” Brenda said.
“Say goodnight to Tad and grab your wrap, I want to leave.”
“Goodnight Brenda, I’ve had a wonderful time. I’ll be giving you a call,” Tad said.
“Goodnight, thanks for everything,” Brenda said.
Tad leaned down for a kiss and Brenda thought ‘what the hell, it won’t hurt’ and kissed him softly on the lips.
He kisses nice she thought, maybe I was missing something earlier, but she dismissed the thought.
Melissa grabbed Brenda’s hand and led her to the waiting limousine.
“I’ll have the driver drop you at home. I don’t want you riding the subway looking like this.”
“I’ll be fine Melissa.”
“Don’t argue with me, mother knows best. If I was a guy and saw you on the subway dressed the way you are now you can bet you wouldn’t be a virgin by the time you got off.”
“Okay, I live in Brooklyn and here’s the address.”
“Why do you live there?” Melissa asked.
“It’s what I can afford,” Brenda said.
“There are some things you could do for me to make extra money, but I’ll talk to you about that later.”
“Is it what Connie does?” Brenda asked innocently.
“Did Connie tell you what she does for me?” Melissa asked, her voice rose in anger.
“I asked her what was wrong when she was crying yesterday and she told me that some guy she went out with did some things to her, that’s all. I kind of figured out that she had done it for you. Was I wrong to have asked her?” Brenda asked in a sorrowful voice.
“No, you did the right thing worrying about her. Since you know, yes, that’s what I would want you to do. All you would do is go out with a date, and if you had sex afterward it would only happen if you wanted it to happen. I wouldn’t force you, but on the other hand he would be taking you to a nice place for dinner and he would be paying me two thousand dollars for the opportunity to be with you so he might expect you to do him a favor in return.”
“Isn’t that like prostitution?” Brenda asked.
“Goodness, no dear. He wouldn’t just come to your place and have sex. He would want to take you out on a real date, you know dinner and a play or maybe some important business function where he would want to show you off as his date, eye candy so to speak. No, this isn’t prostitution.”
God, Brenda thought. Melissa could sell ice to an Eskimo in the middle of winter with a line like that.
“I don’t know Melissa, I’ll have to think about it. We’re here, thank you for an interesting evening,” Brenda said and went into her apartment building.
Brenda removed her dress and hung it carefully in her closet. She put on her satin nightgown and went to the phone to call Tiffany. It was eleven thirty and she was still wired from the cocaine.
“Hello,” a sleepy sounding Tiffany said.
“Tiffany, it’s Brenda. What’s going on with you?”
“Brenda, it’s eleven thirty! What are you doing calling me at this hour?”
“I just got home from a party I went to with Melissa. God, it was fun.”
“You called me to tell me it was fun? Have you lost your mind? It’s late.”
“It was more than fun, I found out lots of things. Melissa made me try cocaine and then she gave me a little container of it to use. I’m going to give it to Bill Cline tomorrow to have analyzed. I couldn’t believe it when she gave it to me.”
“You tried cocaine? Now I know you’ve lost it.”
“I had to, to gain her trust, which I must have because she wants me to become a prostitute for her.”
“A prostitute?”
“She calls it an escort, but I call it a prostitute. Is that crazy or what?”
“Couldn’t you have waited until tomorrow to call me?”
“I can’t sleep; I’m so wired right now. How have things been going with you?”
“The weather has cleared and we’ll finish shooting tomorrow. I can’t believe all that has happened. They’ve filmed me getting into a car and I have speaking lines. It’s really exciting. I’m staying in a suite at this hotel. All I have to do is call for anything, food or water anything and they bring it to me. I feel like a king or something.”
“Don’t you mean a queen? You are a girl, silly.”
“You know what I mean, and if I go anywhere people mob me for autographs, it’s so exciting.”
“I thought you didn’t like the attention?”
“I didn’t at first, but I’m getting used to it and now I kind of like being famous.”
“Well don’t forget us little people when you get to the top.” Brenda giggled.
“You sound different Brenda, more like a girl. Are you alright?”
“God yes, I feel wonderful. I finally found what Maria and Jenny meant when they told us that we would have to become women not just be a woman. Tonight I discovered what they were telling us, I found an inner beauty, I became that woman I was supposed to be.”
“Brenda, I’m tired and need my beauty sleep. I should be back by Friday and we’ll talk then, goodnight,” Tiffany said.
“Goodnight Tiff,” Brenda replied.
Brenda finally came down from her high and went to bed.
The next morning she called Bill Cline and left a message on his answering device.
“Bill this is Brenda. I have another sample for you to test. I couldn’t believe my good fortune last night. Melissa gave me a compact full of cocaine for my own personal use. Can you believe that? Well anyway give me a call so we can set something up, bye.”
Brenda dressed and went to work. She wasn’t in the best of shape this morning, her head hurt. Now I know why I don’t do cocaine and why people get hooked on the stuff, they have to stay high just to function.
The day was quiet with the regulars visiting.
“Good morning Brenda, it must have been quite a party last night. You look like hell,” Ron said.
Good old Ron, straight to the point. No wonder he doesn’t have a girl friend, “Good morning to you too Ron and thank you for the nice compliment.” Brenda replied.
Ron ignored Brenda, he was looking for models and continued into the break room in hope of success.
Mario was next to enter the suite.
“Hi Brenda, are you alright? You look like you don’t feel well,” was his comment.
“God, do I look that bad this morning?” she whined.
“You look like you didn’t get enough sleep, that’s all. I love looking at you anyway, you know that.”
“At least now you know what I look like in the morning,” Brenda said with a giggle.
“You always look lovely to me,” Mario said.
“That deserves a kiss,” Brenda said and walked to her boyfriend and kissed him.
“If you keep that up I won’t leave,” Mario said.
“I wish,” Brenda responded.
The interaction finished and Mario left to finish his route.
Bill called next and the two arraigned to meet at the usual spot that evening.
Brenda was feeling better by lunchtime and decided that she didn’t like what she was wearing and went shopping for something new. She found a nice skirt that extended to just above the knee and a blouse that was a bit more daring than what she normally wore, but not obscenely so. She liked having cleavage and today was a chance to show just a bit more than she normally did. The skirt was brown and since she didn’t had any brown shoes, new heels were needed. She found a pair of three-inch sandals that went perfectly with what she had found and wore everything back to work. A quick trip to the restroom to repair her makeup presented a completely new Brenda.
Ron returned. He actually had a service call as one of the lights in Melissa’s office had burned out.
“Wow, what happened to the street person that was in here earlier, she must have been fired,” he said with a laugh.
“She’s still here, the inner beauty finally came out,” Brenda replied.
“I hope she sticks around, I’ll have to spend more time in here than the lunchroom,” Ron said as he talked to Brenda’s breasts.
“My eyes are up here Ron,” Brenda giggled.
“Oops,” he replied and went into Melissa’s office.
Men are such pigs, Brenda thought to herself.
Brenda finished her day and went to meet Bill Cline.
Brenda entered the restaurant where she was to meet Bill. She was thirty minutes early.
“Brenda, how’s my favorite customer?” asked Danny the bartender.
“Danny, you’re such a bullshitter,” Brenda laughed.
“I owe you a drink. What’s your pleasure little lady?” he asked.
“I’m tired of lemon drops, what would you suggest?”
“I’ll make something special for you. How have you been, I’ve missed seeing you.”
“I’ve been fine, you know work, work, it’s a bitch when you have no time for yourself,” she replied.
Danny was pouring this and that into a shaker full of ice and put the top on and shook the drink until he felt it was done. He poured it in a Martini glass and served it to Brenda.
“Mmm, this tastes good,” Brenda said.
“I made it special just for you,” Danny said.
“Danny, I’m glad I have heels on or I would have that crap all over my ankles,” Brenda laughed.
“I haven’t seen you for a while. Is everything alright?” he asked.
“Everything is fine. I had to go back to California for a while because my dad was in the hospital, but he seems to be getting better, so here I am.” Brenda responded.
“You’re not meeting that guy again are you?” Danny asked.
“I’m afraid so, it’s just business,” Brenda said.
Brenda liked Danny, maybe it was naiveté, she was young and bartenders knew all the right things to say to a good-looking woman, but Danny made her feel special.
“When are you coming back by yourself, I really like you. You’re a nice girl and I don’t get many of those in here?”
“I’ll tell you what, I don’t have anything going on after my meeting so I’ll stay for a while, I am hungry and I would like to eat dinner.”
“Come back up here and dinner is on me. The chef will make things not on the menu, you’ll enjoy it.”
Bill walked into the restaurant and sat next to Brenda.
“Give me a double jack on the rocks,” he said.
“Being on the wagon didn’t last too long Bill, what happened?” Brenda asked.
“That girl dumped me. I don’t now why, I didn’t do any thing wrong,” Bill said sadly.
“There must have been some reason for her to leave?”
“I don’t want to talk about it, she dumped me yesterday. What do you have for me?” he asked.
Brenda opened her purse, retrieved the compact of cocaine and shoved it into his hand.
“This is what Melissa gave me, please hurry and see where it came from,” she said.
“You look very nice tonight, you seem different,” Bill said.
“I’m still the same old me, nothing’s changed,” she said.
“I’m serious Brenda, you seem to have a completely different aura about you,” Bill said.
“It’s probably just my boobs hanging out,” Brenda giggled.
“It’s more than that. I’ll be worried about you when you leave. I never felt that way before, I always felt you could take care of yourself, but now I’m not so sure. Just be careful Brenda, I’ve grown quite fond of you,” Bill said with honest emotion.
“I’ll be careful Bill, don’t worry, I can still take care of myself.” Brenda responded.
“I’m going to run. If I stay, I’ll drink more than I should. I’ll call you when we have the results, goodnight Brenda,” Bill said as he rose to leave.
“Goodnight Bill,” Brenda said.
Danny walked back to the end of the bar where Brenda was sitting.
“What happened, did you scare your friend away?” he asked.
“He had things to do, why do you ask?”
“Because I wouldn’t be leaving anyone as pretty as you, by herself, in a bar, with Danny the bartender,” he said with a laugh.
“You’re silly Danny, what did you put in this drink. I’ve barely had any of it and I can already feel it?” Brenda asked.
“A lot of everything, do you like it?”
“It’s very good, but I don’t think I can finish it or you’ll have to roll me out of here, and besides, I’m hungry,” Brenda said.
“I promised you dinner. I’ll have chef start on it.”
“Thanks Danny.”
Danny returned from the kitchen and stood in front of Brenda. She was leaning on the bar deep in thought and her breasts were being pushed up by her arms as she held her drink with both hands. Ah one of the unexpected pleasures of mixing drinks, Danny thought.
“You’re exceptionally attractive tonight Brenda,” Danny said.
Brenda stirred from her thoughts and saw Danny staring at her chest.
“I swear, you men are all the same. My eyes are up here Danny,” Brenda laughed.
Danny liked Brenda, she was fun and unlike many of the other women that came into the restaurant had no problem with a compliment to her beauty.
“Chef is going to make a lot of little things for you, mostly appetizers, but you will be full by the time you leave,” Danny said. “You’ve barely touched your drink, would you like me to make another one for you?”
“No, this is fine, it tastes really good, but it is so strong I’m afraid I’ll get drunk so I’m taking my time with it.”
Danny took a towel and wiped the bar in front of Brenda.
“Tell me more about yourself Brenda. I know you work for a modeling agency, but that’s about all. How did you get that job?” Danny asked.
“I applied, I needed work, like the old saying goes, I had to eat, “ Brenda replied.
“Are you telling me you aren’t independently wealthy?”
“I’m afraid not. I’m just a poor girl from California.”
“It sounds like you need a good man to take care of you,” Danny said.
“I’ve done a pretty good job already, men just get in the way. Heck, all they ever want to do is look at my boobs,” Brenda snickered.
“That's because they’re so pretty. I’ll be right back, I think your first dish is ready,” Danny said.
Danny returned and placed some mushrooms stuffed with who knows what in front of Brenda and she popped one in her mouth.
“Oh my God that’s good,” she said.
“It’s my own personal recipe,” Danny said with a pleased look on his face.
“Really, you’re kidding me,” Brenda said.
“Nope, who’d think the old bartender could cook,” he said.
“This really is your recipe?”
“Yes, I used to be the chef here.”
“You were? Why did you start tending bar?” she asked.
“Because my partner was ripping me off, you see, I own this dive.” He said.
“This is your place?”
“Yep, every bit of it. I bought my partner out two years ago.”
“Your partner was stealing from you, how did you find out?”
“It wasn’t hard; the bar wasn’t making any money. My partner had a bad cocaine habit and was stealing to support it. We had a big fight and we decided to split. He took my offer and left. I thought it would be easier to keep watch of the restaurant from behind the bar and let someone else cook.”
“How did you get into this business in the first place?”
“I’ll be right back, chef has something else ready for you.”
Danny returned and placed the next item in front of Brenda.
“Mmm, this is good. What is it?” she asked.
“That’s a family secret, just enjoy it. You asked me how I got in to this business?”
“Yes.”
“I’ve always liked to cook, even when I was very young so I watched my mom a lot and I guess some of it stuck. Even more than being a chef though, I wanted to be a cop so I went to the academy right out of high school and graduated. I was an officer for four years and quit when I was shot in the knee by a thirteen year old kid. I shot back and killed him and after I found out how old he was I just couldn’t do it anymore.”
“But it wasn’t your fault, he would still be alive if he hadn’t shot you first,” Brenda said.
“That’s true, but it still didn’t make me feel any better and beside my knee was ruined and I’ll have a limp for the rest of my life. I went to culinary school after that and learned how to be a chef. I worked in the kitchen of a restaurant for a couple of years and decided to be on my own. I told my friend what I wanted to do and he wanted to be my partner, so we started this place with the results that destroyed our friendship.”
“That’s sad.”
“Coke will do that to you. Now you know all about me, what about you, who is Brenda with no last name?”
“You’re silly Danny. Of course I have a last name, its Watson.”
“Okay Brenda Watson, you have to tell me about you or you don’t get anymore food.”
“There’s nothing to tell, I’m from California and I’m a surfer girl and this is my first venture from home. Pretty exciting isn’t it?”
“There must be more than that. What about that guy you meet all the time, where does he fit in your life?”
“Bill, he’s just an acquaintance. No big deal,” Brenda said.
“He must be some kind of deal, I saw you passing that compact to him and when men take them from women they usually don’t contain makeup. If you’re selling drugs, Brenda, I don’t want you in here. So I’d really like to know what’s going on with you.”
Brenda could tell Danny wasn’t fooling around, he was angry. He just took a long time to show it. Even worse though, Brenda didn’t want Danny to dislike her. She was beginning to care deeply for this man.
“Danny, I’m not selling drugs, in fact it’s quite the opposite. Bill asked me to get a sample of a new makeup that helps fight blemishes and that’s what I handed to him, it’s no big deal.”
“People might think differently if they don’t know what you are doing,” Danny said.
“I’ll be more discreet next time. The only reason I did it is that I like to help people. I’m a real sucker for a sad story,” Brenda said.
“I hope so Brenda, I knew you were special the first time I saw you and I was right, you’re a wonderful woman Brenda Watson.”
“You’re pretty special yourself Danny and now it’s your turn Mister Blank,” Brenda said.
“Jennings, Danny Jennings, and since you told all I’ll finish feeding you,” Danny said.
Brenda ate all that was placed in front of her and was surprised to see that almost three hours had past since Bill had left.
“Danny, it’s very late and I should be going, the dinner was wonderful. I can’t thank you enough,” Brenda said.
“The restaurant closes in five minutes and I don’t want you taking public transit home this time of night. I’ll drive you, my chef can close up,” Danny said.
Brenda accepted and Danny walked Brenda to his car. He parked it in a garage in the rear of the building. He opened the door for her and she sat down and swung her legs into the car. Danny couldn’t help but admire how nice her legs looked. Danny opened the garage door and backed the car out onto the street. He pushed a button and the door lowed itself back down. Brenda was still sitting against the passenger side door.
“You can move next to me, I don’t bite,” Danny said.
“Danny, I have a boyfriend,” Brenda said.
“I didn’t ask you to marry me. Come on Brenda, please?”
“Alright, you have been nice to me.”
Brenda slid over next to Danny and quickly found his arm around her shoulder. It didn’t feel bad, so she laid her head against his shoulder. Danny felt nice to Brenda, he was strong and really quite handsome. Maybe I’ll even let him kiss me goodnight, it’s the least he deserves for giving me dinner she thought.
Danny parked his car in front of Brenda’s apartment and turned off the key. He didn’t waste any time and pulled her lips to his and kissed her deeply. Brenda was surprised at first, but soon fell into the magic of the kiss. It felt different from Mario’s, but it also felt good, she liked the way Danny was kissing her. Danny’s tongue soon pushed past Brenda’s lips and began to caress her tongue.
This was going too fast, she thought, I’ll make him stop in a little while, but I’ll wait just a little longer.
His right hand was still around her shoulder, but his left hand had left the steering wheel and had found it’s way to her waist just below her breast and was caressing her softly. God that feels good Brenda thought as the kiss lingered. The goodnight kiss had turned into a seduction and Brenda was falling into it and as much as she wanted to stop for Mario’s sake she didn’t want to for her own, she liked what Danny was doing to her as she became aroused.
His hand slowly moved to her breast and when he touched it Brenda jumped, not from surprise, she could feel his hand moving toward its target, but from the intense feelings she got when he touched her blouse. Danny was caressing her breast softly through her blouse and bra as she felt herself falling deeper into the seduction. His fingers found the skin exposed above her blouse and caressed it softly with his fingertips. Brenda turned into him and placed both hands around his neck. Danny took his right hand and lifted Brenda’s blouse from her skirt, reached under it and after finding the hooks to her bra, unfastened them freeing her breasts to be caressed by his left hand.
Danny put his hand under her blouse and took her engorged nipples in his fingers and massaged them. Brenda was moaning with pleasure as Danny took her hand and placed it on his erect penis. Brenda had never touched a man’s penis before and had no idea of what was expected of her.
She broke the kiss and tried to gain what little control she had.
“Danny, please don’t. I’ve never done this before, I don’t know how.”
Danny softly pinched her nipples, which made her hand squeeze his member.
“I can teach you. You can’t leave me like this Brenda, I want you so badly,” he said.
“But Danny, I’m a virgin, please don’t force me,” she said.
“There are other ways and you will still be a virgin, please Brenda?” he pleaded.
Danny kept up his assault on her breasts and she knew she was giving in to her lust, she had never gone this far with Mario. He had always known when to stop, but Danny had brought her over the edge and she wanted more, but really had no idea of what she should do.
“Danny, I, I, I don’t know what to do.” she said as she sighed
Brenda had given in to her feelings and Danny would have to guide her. Danny lowered the zipper on his pants and lowered his underwear allowing his penis to spring free. He placed Brenda’s hand back on it and allowed her to adjust to its feel. He wasn’t going to rush her. He was experienced and knew if he rushed, it would scare her and the night would be over for them.
Brenda felt the soft skin of Danny’s erection and wondered if her hand felt good to him and then slowly moved it to the tip and felt the incredibly soft sensitive skin and felt Danny jump.
“Does that hurt?” she asked.
Brenda wanted to give Danny pleasure and wanted to make sure she was doing the right thing.
“It feels wonderful. Does this feel good?” he asked as he continued to caress her breasts.
“Oh God, yes,” she moaned.
“Kiss it Brenda, kiss it,” Danny said.
“Kiss what?” she asked.
“My thing, kiss it.”
“Danny, I don’t know if I can. I’ve never done that,” she said.
Brenda was truly an innocent girl and Danny was slowly pushing her in to womanhood whether she wanted to or not. All she had to do was lower her head and that innocence would be gone forever.
“Danny, I’m a virgin,” she said, as he guided her head down to his waiting member.
Brenda had moved her hand down his shaft and the head was exposed when her lips touched the velvet softness of his penis.
“Open your mouth and take it Brenda, make love to it,”
Brenda was at a crossroad. What should she do? She loved Mario and yet her body was screaming to take this thing in her mouth and make love to it. Danny pinched Brenda’s nipples, which made her gasp with the intended result, the tip slid past her lips. The tip was now against her tongue. Brenda felt its soft smoothnes and felt every thing about it, the hole at the tip, the skin pushed back from it, the way it quivered when she moved her tongue.
It was already part way in, Brenda thought, and it hadn’t done anything bad to her so she let it slide farther in until it touched the back of her throat. She gagged and withdrew it from her mouth.
“Don’t stop, please Brenda, keep your hand around it so you don’t go too deep,” Danny instructed.
Brenda placed her hand around his penis and took it in her mouth again. She adjusted her hand so it stopped before it touched her throat. Danny took Brenda’s head in his hands and raised and lowered it on his member and fucked it with her face.
“Suck Brenda, suck,” he said.
Brenda did as instructed and soon Danny tensed and his seed filled Brenda’s mouth. Brenda was in the heat of passion, but not enough to swallow the liquid. Danny finished his last spurt and Brenda pulled from his penis. She quickly opened the car door and spat the liquid into the street.
“Brenda, that was wonderful, thank you so much,” Danny said.
“I don’t know whether to smile or cry Danny. I should have never done that but I couldn’t help myself.”
“Brenda, there’s nothing wrong with what you did. We made love only a little differently that’s all. Don’t feel ashamed of yourself, women do that all the time, enjoy it,” Danny said.
Danny placed his thing back in his pants and zipped them up.
“Would you help me with my bra?” Brenda asked.
“I’d be more than happy to,” Danny said as he hooked it for Brenda.
“I have to go in,” she said.
Danny went around and opened Brenda’s door and helped her from the car.
“Thank you for a very interesting evening, Danny,” Brenda said.
“It was that, wasn’t it,” he replied.
Danny took her hand and walked her to the door and kissed her goodnight.
“Are you sure you wouldn’t like to continue this inside?” he asked.
“Stop it, I think we already did enough for tonight,” she giggled.
“Are you saying there might be other nights?” he asked.
“Maybe, goodnight Danny,” Brenda said flirtatiously.
Brenda went into her apartment and removed her clothes. She went to the bathroom and brushed her teeth.
"What had she done?" she wondered. She had just sucked a man’s cock and even worse felt no remorse for doing so. "I guess my inner beauty is stronger that I thought," she giggled.
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Chapter 27: -
The following day was uneventful, except Brenda felt guilty when Mario arrived. Brenda was having a hard time looking him in the eye. She would have to make up for what she had done to him.
Friday came and Tiffany returned to the office.
“Hey Tiff, it’s good to see you back,” Brenda said.
“It’s nice to be back. Is Melissa in yet?”
“No, she must have seen her boyfriend last night. She’s always late when she does.”
“Have you found out anything else about the drugs?”
“Not yet, but I should know more today. How was Niagara?”
“It was fun. I felt like a star with all the attention. I could really get used to this kind of life,” Tiffany said.
“Being a girl is more fun than you thought it would be, isn’t it?” Brenda asked.
“I guess,” Tiffany answered grudgingly.
“Come on Tiffany, you know you like it. You’re a star and a beautiful woman, besides, what more could you ask for?” Brenda asked.
“You’re right Brenda, I do like who I’ve become, maybe too much and that’s what scares me. I want to be Dirk when this is over and I’m afraid that Tiffany might win this whole thing,” Tiffany said.
“I see your point. I would just die if I was a beautiful world famous model with the world at my feet. God, yes make me a boring skinny stud like Dirk,” Brenda giggled.
“Fuck you Brenda,” Tiffany said, as she extended her middle finger.
What disturbed Tiffany even more was how pretty that finger looked with her brightly painted nail extending beyond its tip. Even more unsettling was that she liked the way it looked, beautifully feminine. Brenda might just be right, she mused.
“What do you have going on today?” Brenda asked.
“I think there’s a show at Bloomingdale’s later on, they’re showing dress gowns and I have to be there at two.”
“It sounds as though you never get any rest. When are they going to show the commercials?”
“They edited them yesterday and today, so they could show them during the Knicks game on Saturday night.”
“I can’t wait to see them. What kind of car is it?”
“It’s a new model called a Sunstar. Kind of a stupid name, isn’t it?” Tiffany giggled.
“Hey, if it sells cars, who cares?”
The door opened and Melissa walked into the office.
“Tiffany, you’re back, I need to talk to you in my office. Is every thing okay with you Brenda?”
“Yes Melissa, everything’s perfect if you know what I mean,” Brenda responded.
“Remember what I told you sweetheart, if you need anything just ask,” Melissa said.
“I’m sure I will. Thank you Melissa.”
Tiffany closed the door behind her as she entered the office.
“Tiffany, we have a lot of things to plan. I know Thanksgiving is next week, but the summer fashions come out the first of January and you will have shows everyday for a week. Margaret Voss is expanding her line and she wants you to wear one of her designs to the Golden Globes award ceremony. You’ll be escorted by a young up and coming actor, and it’s important that you attend. You’ll stay with a movie director at his home with his wife, so don’t worry, nothing’s going to happen.”
“We close for the week between Christmas and New Years, so take advantage and rest. Between now and then I’ve scheduled you for shows almost everyday. If you get too tired, see Brenda. I gave her something that will make you feel better.”
“Yes Melissa, I have a show this afternoon, so I should get ready to go,” Tiffany replied.
“Yes dear, you run along now and remember what I said about Brenda having something for you if you need,” Melissa said.
“Yes Melissa.”
Bill called Brenda later that day and told her the results of the test on the cocaine.
“Brenda, this batch was mixed by someone new. It’s a different formula than the first sample we tested. It matches drugs taken from a bust last year up in Harlem and we’re not sure if we’re working with two or more sources. I’d really like you to get a sample from Susan Marques, if she is willing to sell you some. If it matches this new batch we might be able to finally break this case.”
“I’ll see if she will,” Brenda said.
“How’s Tiffany doing on her end? She really hasn’t done much for the investigation, maybe we should pull her out,” Bill said.
“Don’t be stupid Bill, Tiffany is the one that told us about Connie and she has access to the models. Pulling her now would be premature,” Brenda said.
“I guess you’re right. See Susan as soon as possible and call me when you have something.”
“Yes Bill.”
Brenda called Susan to see if she might be free to visit.
“Susan, hi, it’s Brenda. I’m sorry I haven’t had a chance to see you since the last time we had dinner. I was wondering if you might be free tonight?”
“Brenda, it’s nice to hear from you. I can’t this evening, I have something to do and it is awfully short notice. Are you busy tomorrow, maybe we can have lunch?” Susan said.
“I can do that, lets say one in the afternoon at the same restaurant?”
“I’ll see you then Brenda.”
Brenda met Susan the next day and the girls were soon deep in conversation.
“How have you been Brenda? You look wonderful,” Susan said.
“I feel wonderful, I went out with someone new Thursday night and now I’m not sure how I feel about Mario,” Brenda said.
“Why, what did you do?”
“I had dinner at his restaurant and then he drove me home.”
“Why would that make you feel differently about Mario?”
“We were very intimate, even more than I have been with Mario.”
“You had sex with him didn’t you?” Susan asked.
“Oh Susan, I’m so ashamed, I’ve never done anything like that before,” Brenda said and her eyes began to water.
“What did you do Brenda? Did you go to bed with him?”
“No, I gave him oral sex.”
“Is that all? My God, we girls do that all the time. It satisfies the guy and you don’t have to worry about becoming pregnant. I personally don’t like the taste, but with a little garlic and pepper it might not be so bad,” Susan said, as she broke out laughing.
Brenda couldn’t contain herself after that remark and she too started to laugh. Susan had defused the situation.
“Can you imagine pulling away from the guy and telling him that you have to add garlic and pepper before he cums?” Susan shrieked and the girls doubled over in laughter.
“Please honey, I have to add hot sauce,” more laughter.
“A little oregano,” more laughter.
“Do you like the guy as much as Mario?” Susan asked after they gained control.
“No, and that’s why I’m so upset. I don’t even know why I did what I did,” Brenda said.
“You were seduced, there is always a first time for girls. Some guy will take advantage of a girl that’s inexperienced and depending on what kind of man he is will go as far as he can. If a girl lets it happen, her hormones will control what she does and the guy will have his way. The worse part is that a girl will think it’s love and the guy knows its just sex. When you get older you’ll understand. Don’t let what you did influence your relationship with Mario, he’s a wonderful man and just think of what you did as a learning experience. Kind of like going to woman school, you’ll be fine. It was just sex and after a while you’ll come to understand that it’s okay to have sex. Women like us have our needs and sex is a way of making ourselves feel better. Having sex isn’t love, it’s just sex, and it did feel good didn’t it?”
“I suppose it did.”
“See, your learning to enjoy life already.”
“Susan, there’s something else I have to ask you?”
“What’s that Brenda?”
“I hope you won’t think badly of me, but I want to buy some cocaine.”
“From me?” Susan asked.
“Yes, I thought you might know where I could get some,” Brenda said.
“What about getting it from Melissa, everyone knows she has plenty for sale.”
“She already gave me some and told me if I wanted more just to ask, but she also said that I might have to give sexual favors to men as repayment. I'd rather just pay cash for it instead.”
“I see your point. I have a small amount in my purse, maybe fifty dollars worth, you can have that. Next time, give me notice and I’ll have more for you.”
“Thank you Susan, you’re a friend.”
“When did you start using coke Brenda?”
“I only tried it once last week and it was fun but I don’t want to get anymore from Melissa,” Brenda said.
Susan opened her purse and slipped a small package into Brenda’s hand. Brenda took it and placed it in her purse and gave Susan the money for the drug.
“Is this the small sideline business you told me about Susan?”
“Yes, I keep it small that way the cops won’t bother me. I’m not like Melissa, she sleeps with the top cop and knows if things are getting too hot for her.”
“Where does she get her drugs?” Brenda asked.
“I don’t know, maybe the same place I get mine, from some very nasty Colombian importers.”
“Oh by the way, how’s Ron’s brother?”
“He’s fine, but he’ll be in jail for another couple of years so I think I’m going to move on. I’ve started dating another guy. He’s very nice, maybe it’s time for me to be with someone that isn’t a bad boy for a change,” Susan said.
“But don’t you have needs?” asked Brenda.
“Believe me girl friend, those needs can be filled just as easily by a good boy as a bad boy and a good boy isn’t going to land in jail,” Susan laughed.
“I see your point, thanks again for the favor Susan. I really should be going, it’s late and it’s getting cold.”
“It’s almost winter, it’ll start snowing soon. Bundle up, a California girl like you will freeze to death,” Susan giggled.
“I will, see you next week Susan,” Brenda said.
Brenda hurried to the subway and decided she would start to wear warmer clothes. She was freezing, and there was no need to try to look sexy this time of year, and besides sweaters looked good too. Brenda would schedule a meeting with Bill for the next week because she was too busy for anything else right now, the investigation would have to wait.
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Chapter 28:
Brenda spent Saturday shopping for winter clothes. Later she joined Mario at his place to have dinner and watch the Knicks game on television. They were playing the Bulls in Chicago.
“What did you cook for me, Mario?” Brenda asked.
“I tried my hand at Chinese,” Mario answered as he poured a glass of wine for his girlfriend.
“New cooking method?” Brenda laughed as she tapped the top of the cardboard containers with her finger.
“Hey, I slaved all day to make this for you,” he said and handed Brenda her glass of wine and stole a kiss at the same time.
“Are Ray and Debra coming by for the game?” Brenda asked.
“They should be here any minute. You didn’t think we would eat all this food, did you?” he asked.
“I am kind of hungry,” Brenda giggled.
Ray was Mario’s best friend. They went all the way back to grammar school and Debra was Ray’s fiancé. They were to be married the following June in Boston and Mario was to be the best man. Both Mario and Ray were big time Knicks fans and the girls were big time Mario and Ray fans, so they enjoyed watching the games together.
Brenda liked Debra because of her honesty. You always knew where you stood with her. There was no lying or deceit with Debra. Ray was a lucky man to have met such a woman.
Ray and Debra arrived, and after the customary hugs the guys settled into the pre-game show and the girls went to serve the food.
“How have you been Brenda?” Debra asked.
“Really good, and yourself?”
“Just fine. I’ve been planning for the wedding already. Seven months will fly by in no time; I hope everything will be ready.”
“If you need any help, I’m available, just ask,” Brenda said.
“Thanks Brenda, it's very nice of you to offer. You know, Mario really likes you a lot,” Debra said.
“I like him a lot too.”
“No, I mean he really likes you. I’ve only known him for a little over two years, but during that time I’ve seen him date at least ten different girls and each one was going to be the one that would steal his heart. They would always have fun, but Mario never really talked about them other than to say they would be on a date with us, and then he met you. He hasn’t been able to stop talking about you since he met you. He’s so cute when he does, I truly think he loves you Brenda,” Debra said.
“Debra, I feel the same way, when Mario walked into my office the first time, I thought I would die right there. God, he was so cute, I think I fell in love that minute.”
“Do you know you’re the first girl he’s ever brought home to meet his family?”
“I didn’t know that?”
“You’re special Brenda, please don’t hurt him.”
“I would never do that. Hey guys, do you want paper plates or the real thing?” Brenda asked.
“The real thing if you’re washing them,” Mario replied.
“In your dreams, I guess its paper,” Debra replied.
The girls brought the food into the living room and joined the guys to watch the game. The game reached half time with the Knicks behind by seven points.
“I wish they would play at home all year,” Ray said. “That way they wouldn’t lose.”
“I know what you mean, it’s like they become another team when they go on the road,” Mario said.
“Oh my God, it's Tiffany! Quick look, it's Tiffany!” Brenda said excitedly.
“Who’s Tiffany?” Debra asked.
“My girl friend. That’s her on television,” Brenda squealed.
It was one of the advertisements Tiffany had done the previous week.
It showed her being escorted by a handsome model to a new car in an evening gown with a view of the Niagara Falls in the background.
When they reached the car, the man opened the door for her and before she enters, she said, “I like a man that drives a Sunstar, it shows he cares for me and the environment.” She then sits down and swings her legs in and the door closes.
“That’s your girl friend. She’s very pretty,” Debra said.
“There are going to be a lot of guys buying that car after watching her get into one,” Ray said.
“I’ve never seen her before. Is this her first job?” Debra asked.
“Heavens no, she’s in all the Margaret Voss ads and has done a layout for Revlon too, and that isn’t counting all the fashion shows she does. I don’t know where she finds the time,” Brenda said.
“She’s strikingly beautiful, I’m surprised I haven’t noticed her before,” Debra said.
“She’s a nice person too, I love her dearly,” Brenda said.
The half time break was over and the game was to start again after one more commercial break.
There was another ad for the Sunstar featuring Tiffany.
Tiffany is dressed in a beautiful blouse with a somewhat daring neckline and a gorgeous gold necklace, very tight blue jeans, a black belt and knee length black boots with four-inch heels. The Niagara Falls are visible in the back ground. She walks to the Sunstar and says, “I drive a Sunstar because it has the luxury I want and is affordable for a girl like me, and most importantly it doesn’t harm the environment.” She opens the door and slips behind the steering wheel as the screen goes blank.
“God, I feel like buying one of those cars after that,” giggled Debra.
“There’s something about her that does that, and I’ve never felt like that before after watching some stupid ad. For some reason I believe what she says,” Ray said.
“Not me, give me a sixties muscle car that burns gas like there is no tomorrow and I’ll be happy,” Mario laughed.
“That’s not funny Mario, I saw that movie, you know the Gore one and if we don’t stop this car stuff we’re all doomed,” Debra said.
“I’m just teasing you Debra, I know how dedicated you are to global warming, I just don’t subscribe to that theory,” Mario said.
“Well you should,” she said.
“Debra, we’re all here to watch a basketball game and I don’t want to get into an argument with you. You’re a wonderful friend and I don’t want to destroy that friendship, I just want to watch the game,” Mario said.
Mario and Debra had had this discussion before and it ended badly, the two hadn’t spoken for months until Ray intervened and made peace between the two.
“Let’s clear the table Brenda and let these two enjoy their game,” Debra said.
Brenda and Debra removed the plates and food from the coffee table and brought it to the kitchen.
“And what’s your feeling about global warming Brenda? Do you feel the same way as Mario?” Debra asked.
“Debra, to be honest, I don’t know that much about it. I’m from California and I’m trying to learn about New York City, not about global warming. I’m sorry but I don’t want to talk about it,” Brenda said.
Debra was fired up, this was her cause, but no one wanted to listen.
“At least your girl friend is doing something about it, she drives a Sunstar,” Debra said.
“Tiffany’s just a model Debra. She doesn’t even own a car, and if she did she’d just wreck it. She’s a terrible driver,” Brenda giggled.
Debra realized she was making a fool of herself and started to laugh as she pictured a pretty girl like Tiffany wrecking a car. Sometimes she took herself too seriously.
There were two minutes left in the game and New York had closed to within three points of Chicago. It now became the thirty-minute game from hell, ten seconds of action and three minutes of advertisements, for the next thirty minutes.
It was Tiffany time again and they reran the ads almost every break. She was getting exposure big time, and was going to be noticed.
The game ended and the Bulls won by four points. When the final buzzer sounded, you could hear the groans come from Mario and Ray. Their team had let them down again.
“Ray, it’s getting late and we should get going. I’m sure Mario and Brenda would like to be alone,” Debra said.
“I hope you’re driving, Mario and I killed two six-packs,” Ray said.
“I was watching, so I behaved myself. Goodnight Brenda, we should get together when the boys aren’t around, we could have real fun,” Debra said.
“I’d like that. Goodnight Debra, see you Ray,” Brenda said.
“Goodnight Brenda. Hey Mario, the team’s back next week and they play the Lakers, let’s go,” Ray said.
“Is it okay if I go?” Mario asked Brenda.
“Of course, we’re not married for God’s sake, go have some fun,” Brenda said.
Why did he ask me? Brenda wondered, we love each other, but we do have other interests.
“We’re on Ray, next Friday?”
“Six o’clock, we’ll have a beer before the game.”
Ray and Debra left and Mario felt amorous. He kissed Brenda deeply and she kissed back, but pulled away from the stench of the beer.
“What’s wrong honey?” Mario asked.
“I’m sorry, but your breath smells. I knew I should have had a beer, but I didn’t feel like drinking.”
“Have one now, I’ll wait,” Mario said with expectation.
“God, you’re so silly sometimes. I’m not going to drink a beer so I can make out with you. I love you, but I don’t feel like doing that right now. I should be going if I’m coming back tomorrow for dinner at your mom’s.”
“I’ll brush my teeth,” Mario said expectantly.
“Come here and give me a kiss, I’ll hold my breath.”
Mario kissed Brenda again, and as much as she disliked the beer smell, she did tingle with the excitement of the kiss.
Mario called for a cab and Brenda left with another kiss to say goodnight.
Monday arrived and Brenda called Bill Cline. They set up a meeting so she could give him the cocaine from Susan
“Do we have to meet at that restaurant?” Brenda asked.
“Look, I don’t know any other ones that are safe unless you want to travel to New Jersey.”
“Okay, I’ll see you there at six.”
Tiffany came in after Brenda finished speaking to Bill.
“God, I’m going to have to move, no one will leave me alone,” Tiffany groused.
“I saw you on TV last night. God, you looked so good I almost bought a car,” Brenda giggled.
“Up yours Brenda, that’s not funny. People wouldn’t leave me alone this morning, I broke a nail signing autographs,” Tiffany complained.
“Well aren’t we becoming the young lady, finally,” Brenda responded.
“Do you know how much work it is to keep your nails nice?” asked Tiffany.
“Well duh,” Brenda said, as she held out her hands and their perfect nails.
“I’m sorry, I’m just in a bitchy mood today. Did you really see the ads?” Tiffany asked.
“I did, during the Knicks game. You looked wonderful.”
“Did I?”
“Even Debra thought you did.”
“Debra?”
“Ray’s girlfriend. Never mind, Melissa called and asked that you wait for her, she says that she has exciting news.”
Just then Melissa popped through the door and motioned Tiffany to follow her into her office.
“Tiffany, my phone is going crazy. After the ads last night during the game my phone hasn’t stopped ringing; everyone wants you.”
“Everyone?”
“Yes, everyone. I know I’ve scheduled you for some shows on the runway, but after you’re finished you’re going to have to shoot more commercials for TV. Girl you’re famous.” Melissa said excitedly.
“When will I have time?”
“You’ll have to find the time; this is your big break. Now run along, I know you have a show to do at Macy’s.”
Tiffany left Melissa’s office and stopped at Brenda’s desk.
“Brenda, this is getting out of hand. I feel bad that I haven’t been able to hold my end up as far as the investigation is concerned.”
“Don’t be silly, I’ve got you covered, that’s what girl friends are for. I’m so excited about what’s happening to you that all I want is to see you succeed.”
“But I’m not succeeding, I’m becoming a model not an undercover agent and it bothers me.”
“Tiffany you’re being stupid. Be Tiffany Rollins, don’t worry, we’ll get the bad guys. Now run or you’ll be late,” Brenda said.
The rest of the day was uneventful and Brenda met Bill Cline at Danny’s restaurant. She waited outside for Bill to enter first, because she was embarrassed to see Danny alone after what had happened after their last meeting. Brenda entered the restaurant after she saw Bill go inside.
“Hi Danny, Bill, I’m glad you’re early,” Brenda said.
“Brenda, how’s my best girl?” Danny asked.
“She’s fine, and I’m pretty good too,” Brenda replied.
Danny wasn’t going to push it with Brenda. She may have been easy the first time he was with her, but she obviously had an attitude adjustment so he let things drop.
“Can I get something for you to drink?” he asked.
“Just a cup of coffee please,” she replied.
“Are you alright Brenda, you seem different?” Bill asked.
“I’m fine, I’m just a little girl growing up, that’s all,” she said.
“I’m kind of in a rush tonight. You said you have something for me?” Bill asked.
“I have a sample from Susan Marques and it cost me fifty dollars. Can I turn it in as a business expense?” she asked.
“I’ll give you back your money, but I doubt it would look good if it was turned in as buying cocaine for personal use.”
“I didn’t use it,” Brenda said.
“I’m just teasing you Brenda, lighten up a little, you’re awfully tense,” Bill said.
“I’m sorry, I have some personal issues right now. I’ll be fine,” Brenda said.
Brenda handed Bill the sample in an envelope and he placed it in his pocket.
“Thanks Brenda, I have to go. I’ll call you tomorrow afternoon with the results.”
“Goodnight Bill.”
Bill rose from the table and walked out of the restaurant. When he did, Danny called to Brenda.
“Brenda, are you alright? You’re not angry about the other night are you?” he asked.
“Only at myself Danny, I won’t let it happen again,” she said.
“It was just as much my fault. I did take advantage of you and I’m sorry for doing that,” he said.
“Don’t feel too bad Danny, it was a lesson I had to learn.”
“I feel bad because I do really like you Brenda, and I don’t want to blow my chances with you, that’s all.”
“Danny, I still like you, but like I said last time, I have a boyfriend and I should have never let you take me home. It was a mistake on my part, which I should have never let happen.”
“Can I get you something to eat?” he asked.
“No thanks, I think that’s where our thing started last week and I don’t want it to happen again. I’m going home.”
“Goodnight Brenda and please come back, I really do have feelings for you,” Danny said.
“Goodnight Danny.”
Brenda took the subway home and tapped on Annie’s door when she arrived.
Annie opened her door and greeted Brenda.
“Hi Brenda, I haven’t seen you for a while. Come in sweetheart,” Annie said.
“Hi Annie, I’ve missed you,” Brenda said as she hugged her friend.
“I’ve missed you too, is everything alright?”
“Everything is fine, I just needed a hug.”
Brenda had grown to love Annie, she was almost like an adoptive mother and the rock Brenda very much needed as she transitioned into the woman she was becoming.
The two women talked well into the evening, mostly about nothing apart from how Brenda’s father was. It was what Brenda needed to get her mind off Danny, and forget the sex act she had performed on him.
Brenda didn’t think of what she had done as a homosexual act, but as a violation of her as a young woman. Did all girls feel this way the first time or was she an exception? she wondered.
“Annie, may I ask you something very personal?” Brenda asked.
“You can ask me anything. What is it dear?”
“The first time you had sex with a man, did you feel ashamed?”
“The first time? My, my, that was a long time ago. My first time was with George Kearney when I was only fourteen. He was a neighbor boy and it just happened; you know hormones flying and all. I felt like such a fool for doing it with him, I didn’t really like him that much, it just happened. I felt bad for losing my virginity that way, but I got over it, why do you ask?”
“Because I had my first experience and I feel just terrible about it,” Brenda said.
“Honey, the first time is always the hardest. Do you love the guy?”
“That’s just it, I don’t and yet I had sex with him. Was I wrong Annie?”
“Brenda, with something like that there isn’t a right or wrong. If you love a person it’s right; and if you don’t it’s something that happened.”
“It’s just that I would have wanted it to happen with my boyfriend, not some guy that drove me home.”
“How did it happen?”
“I’m not even sure myself, all I know was that I kissed him and he made me feel really good, the next thing I knew I had his thing in my mouth.”
“Oh you poor dear, I remember the first time I did that. Yuk!” Annie said.
“The worse part was when he came. I didn’t know what to do with it, so I spat it out. It still makes me sick thinking about it,” Brenda said.
“Don’t worry about it sweetheart, girls do it all the time. The best part is, you won’t get pregnant and your panties don’t get stained when you’re all done.”
This said the girls went into a giggling fit. Annie was so wise and Brenda felt lucky having a friend like this.
Brenda went to her apartment and slept better that night. She realized that in her short life as a woman she had experienced what other girls had. Her first sexual experience and falling in love just like any other girl. Brenda was becoming a woman, maybe a little faster than she would have liked, but she was learning.
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Chapter 29: -
Bill Cline called the next afternoon.
“Universal,” Brenda said when she answered the phone.
“Brenda, it’s Bill.”
“Hi Bill, what’s up?”
“I have the results of the junk you gave me, and I don’t think you will like what I’m going to tell you.”
“What’s that?”
“The stuff you bought from Susan doesn’t match Melissa’s cocaine. We have no idea where she got it.”
“If Melissa is getting her drugs from Susan, maybe she hasn’t run out of what she has yet. Remember, I got mine from Melissa first and it might have been the last of Susan’s. When she buys it again it will probably match, but I will have to wait until she buys again.”
“How will you know when she buys it?” asked Bill.
“I don’t know, I guess the easiest way to find out would be to buy from each girl weekly and when they match we’ll have them.”
“That’s a good idea Brenda. I’ll have some extra money put in your bank account so you will be able to afford buying the drugs. If I don’t, Melissa will think you’re already whoring yourself to buy her drugs,” Bill said.
“Thanks Bill, I’ll call you when I have something for you,” Brenda said.
Mario came in later to remind Brenda of Thanksgiving.
“Hi sweetheart, I just wanted to remind you about Thanksgiving dinner at mom’s Thursday,” he said.
“I’m looking forward to it. What should I wear?” she asked.
“Maybe a dress, it’s a little more formal than Sunday dinners. I’ll pick you up around noon. Do you have time for a snack after work?” Mario asked.
“I do if, it’s with you.”
“I’ll see you at five.”
“Okay, love you.”
“Love you too,” he replied as he left.
Tiffany was working day and night. During the day, she did fashion shows, and then was shooting commercials in the evening.
She was shooting an ad for a major department store, only this time she didn’t have to speak any lines. She was on her ninth take and was growing tired of the whole thing.
“When are we going to finish this scene?” she asked.
“When that idiot working with you doesn’t screw up,” the director said.
“She’s just tired. Maybe we should take a break,” Tiffany said.
“She wouldn’t be tired if she slept at night. Come on, let’s try again,” the director said.
“Please concentrate Mandy, I want to go home,” Tiffany whined.
“I’m trying Tiffany, it's just that my mother just found out she has cancer and I’m having trouble concentrating. I’ll be alright,” Mandy said.
It took two more takes before the shoot with Mandy was done. Tiffany was tired, but she still had two more things to film before they would finish for the day. The only saving grace was that Tiffany was alone so they went quickly.
“Miss Rollins, Paul Bennington wishes to speak with you,” one of the people that hang around these kinds of productions said.
“Who’s Paul Bennington?” Tiffany asked.
“He’s the CEO of the company you’re doing this for.”
“I’ll be just a moment, I should change into my own clothes.”
“You mustn’t keep him waiting, he came here especially to meet you.”
“Me?”
“Yes, he’s quite a fan of yours.”
“Okay, lead the way,” Tiffany said.
Tiffany was led to a tall man and introduced to him.
“Tiffany Rollins, this is Paul Bennington. Mister Bennington, Tiffany Rollins.”
“Tiffany, what a pleasure to meet you, I’m quite a fan of yours. I had to have you for our advertising after I saw you in those Sunstar commercials,” Paul said.
“Thank you Mister Bennington, it’s a pleasure working for you,’ Tiffany said.
“Call me Paul. I think the shooting is done for the evening and I was wondering if you would do me the honor of accompanying me to dinner. You must be famished.”
“I am hungry, but I should change first.”
“Nonsense, you look perfect. Take the dress, it’s yours and leave the heels on. Shall we?” Paul said as he extended his arm to Tiffany.
Tiffany looked at the man. He was extremely handsome, well tanned, and definitely had a flare for fashion. He appeared to be in his early forties with just a little sprinkling of gray at his temples. His smile was disarming, perfectly straight white teeth, he looked like an ad for teeth whitener, which made his cobalt blue eyes stand out and glisten in the light. Tiffany was mesmerized by his good looks and placed her hand on his arm.
“Oh wait, let me get my things. They have to lock up after we leave,” Tiffany said.
Tiffany went to the changing are, threw her clothes into the large bag she carried to these sessions and put the strap over her shoulder.
“Let me carry that for you,” Paul said.
Tiffany handed the bag to Paul as he escorted Tiffany to a waiting limousine and helped her into the car.
The couple arrived at a restaurant Tiffany would have never guessed was there. It was one of those places celebrities went to have a quiet evening of dining, without having fans bothering them every second.
“Good evening, Mister Bennington. Your usual table?” the host asked.
“Yes Maurice, that would be fine.”
The couple was escorted to a small table near the center of the room and seated by the host.
“Would you like a cocktail?” Paul asked Tiffany.
“A glass of white wine would be fine,” she answered.
Tiffany was handed a menu, which she opened and wondered why there were no prices next to the offerings.
“Paul, the prices are missing from my menu,” she said.
“They aren’t listed at this restaurant. If you need to ask, you don’t belong here,” he said.
“Oh,” she said.
“Tell me about yourself Tiffany. I’ve been mesmerized ever since I saw you in that commercial,” Paul said.
“There’s not much to tell. I’m from Minnesota and got into modeling by accident. I’m tall for a girl and I used to be teased because of my height. I played basketball in school, but wasn’t very good. It was hard for me to find a date to the school dances because boys don’t like their dates to be taller than them, so I fantasized about being one of the girls in the magazine ads and when I graduated from high school I started modeling and here I am,” she said.
“I’m glad you became a model, or I wouldn’t have met you. I’ve never had a girl make an impression on me as you have. I feel like I have a school boy crush on you,” Paul said.
“That’s sweet of you to say Paul, but we’ve just met,” Tiffany said.
“I know we have and it was the strangest thing when I saw you the first time, my heart skipped a beat. You’re very special Tiffany.”
“Thank you Paul,” Tiffany replied.
Tiffany wondered what in the world was going on. Paul was an extremely handsome man, one who could have any woman he wanted and here he was pouring his heart out to her like a love sick little boy. "Am I that exciting to him?" she wondered.
Tiffany liked the way Paul was looking at her. It wasn’t lustful, but more a look of admiration, she was growing fond of him. She felt like Paul was becoming a friend, the kind she would like to hang out with, like one of the guys. What she didn’t realize that she was having feelings a woman has for a man and they were slowly taking control of her emotions. She was becoming more of a woman than she wanted to be.
Paul was terribly infatuated with Tiffany, her beauty was beyond what he was used to seeing, but her inner beauty was what drew him to her. How he wondered, could such a beauty be such a nice person too. Most of the women Paul dated were jaded beyond description, real bitches that saw him as a bottomless source of money. Tiffany was different from the others. She was here to have dinner and be with him, no commitments or promises, just the enjoyment of being together.
As the evening continued, the conversation became more flirtatious. Both giving as well as taking, most of it very innocent and then Tiffany made a mistake.
“Do you have a girlfriend?” she asked.
“Not yet,” Paul answered.
“I’m surprised; you’re a very handsome man. I would think you would have your pick of women,” she said.
Tiffany was startled by what was flowing from her mouth, she never talked to guys like this. She was always guarded and now her wall of protection seemed to have been taken down, and she was babbling like a schoolgirl. "Shut up Tiffany," she thought.
“I date quite often, but until now I didn’t care much about whom I was with. You’re special Tiffany, and I’d like to show you how special you really are.”
Tiffany was blushing, she was feeling special with Paul. Maybe it would be alright to lower her defenses a little and learn more about this man. Maybe even become friends.
Tiffany thought about Brenda. She seems very happy with her life and what the heck, Brenda hadn’t turned into some kind of monster by dating Mario. Just the opposite seemed to have happened, Tiffany had never seen Brenda so happy and she seemed to have gained direction in her life. Maybe I’ll try this thing to see where it might lead. It’s going to end soon anyway, so I might as well enjoy the ride.
“Paul, you’re very sweet, but it’s getting late and I have a show in the morning and more commercials to shoot in the afternoon, we really should be going,” Tiffany said.
Paul looked at his watch.
“I didn’t realize how late it was. Let me sign for dinner and I’ll run you home, but only if you’ll see me again.”
“I’d love to see you again, I really enjoyed your company,” Tiffany gushed.
Like the advertisement says, having tons of money, great. Having Tiffany Rollins accept your invitation, priceless.
“Are you doing anything this Thanksgiving?” Paul asked.
“I was just going to stay home,” she responded.
“Spend it with me, I’d be honored.”
“I’d like that very much,” Tiffany said.
The bill was paid and Tiffany was escorted to the waiting limo and Paul helped her into the car. He entered the other side and sat next to Tiffany. He placed his arm around her shoulders and she snuggled against his chest. She had been modeling spring fashions and the dress she had on wasn’t doing much to turn away the winter’s cold and Paul felt warm and comforting.
They rode in silence and Paul decided to take a chance with this girl he liked so much. He turned her face toward his and kissed her softly on the lips. When she felt her head being turned Tiffany knew what was coming and much to her surprise, she wanted this kiss. It felt good, soft and sensual, loving, full of life, not some dirty pushing of the lips, but a display of love. She felt her stomach grow tight and placed her arms around Paul’s neck and kissed him back. She felt wonderful. Paul’s lips didn’t repulse Tiffany, but made her feel like a woman, much to her dismay. Tiffany had finally come to grips with herself, be a woman, let the man go and recover him after this undercover thing was over. Tiffany finally got what this was all about.
The kisses continued until Tiffany arrived home. Paul walked her to the door and gave her one more kiss.
“I’ll call you tomorrow,” he said.
“I’d like that,” Tiffany responded and went into her apartment.
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Chapter 30
Wednesday came and went with not much interaction between Brenda and Tiffany.
It was Thanksgiving Day and each girl went their own separate ways. Brenda went to Mario’s mother’s home and Tiffany joined Paul for a celebration.
Paul was a very different kind of person than Tiffany thought he would be.
He arrived in the limo and knocked on her door.
“Paul?” she shouted.
“Yes, it’s me.”
“I’ll be right there.” she answered.
Tiffany opened the door and Paul walked inside.
“I didn’t know what to wear, so this is it,” she said.
Tiffany was wearing a long white crepe dress with a peasant blouse. She had chosen to wear her flat sandals, as she wanted to be comfortable this day.
“You’re a dream, I never knew a woman could be so beautiful without having someone make her up,” Paul said.
Paul had made Tiffany blush with that statement. “Thank you,” she said.
“Tiffany, I haven’t been totally honest with you about today and after I tell you about our plans you might not want to spend the day with me,” Paul said.
Tiffany wondered what Paul was going to say to her that could be so bad. If this is one of those I’m going to bed you things, life would get ugly for Paul. Tiffany could feel her anger beginning to grow before Paul said another word.
“I’ve spent every Thanksgiving for the last eight years as a volunteer at a homeless shelter serving Thanksgiving dinners to the homeless and needy. It started when I was arrested for drunk driving and had to spend two hundred hours doing community service. I would sweep the streets or paint, you know what ever had to be done. My hours ran through Thanksgiving and I had to spend time at the shelter. Serving dinners to those people made me realize how lucky I had been with my life, and as strange as it may seem, helping them was one of the nicest feelings I’ve ever had. I make a lot of money doing what I do and also contribute much of what I make to charities, but giving money and actually doing the work are two different things, it’s a great reality check for me. The reason I’m telling you this is that none of the girls I’ve dated would go with me to spend the day serving food and if you don’t want to I’ll understand and we can celebrate tomorrow if you would like,” Paul said.
Tiffany felt embarrassed that she had jumped to the conclusion she had, and as her anger disappeared she saw a whole new side to Paul Bennington, she could really like this man.
“Paul, I’d love to go with you, should I change my clothes or is this okay?” Tiffany asked.
“Now I know why I like you so much, there aren’t many super models that would do this, I hope you don’t mind getting dirty,” Paul said.
“I don’t mind, let’s go,” Tiffany said as she took Paul’s arm with her hand.
The chauffer deposited them at the shelter and Tiffany noticed a short line had formed even though dinner wouldn’t be served for another three hours. How sad she thought.
When they entered the building, Paul introduced Tiffany to the people in charge.
“Father Mike, this is Tiffany Rollins, my girlfriend, she’s here to help,” Paul said.
Tiffany couldn’t help but notice that Paul had introduced her as his girlfriend. She also found that she liked being thought of this way, as Paul’s girlfriend.
“Well, you finally found a girl that’s not afraid to get her hands dirty. It’s nice to meet you Tiffany,” Father Mike said.
“What would you like me to do?” she asked.
“Come with me, Paul you can start setting up the tables and Tiffany, we need help in the kitchen.”
Tiffany followed Father Mike and soon found herself pealing potatoes and cutting vegetables. The time moved quickly and it was time to serve the meals.
Tiffany was the mashed potato server and looked smashing in her white apron and hair net, quite the fashion statement for a model
The line came through and none of the people knew who Tiffany was. How would they? The nearest they came to one of her fashion shows was the sidewalk outside the store begging for money. She was just a pretty girl serving food as far as they were concerned. The line lasted for two hours and over a thousand meals were served. After the last of the people were served, Tiffany and Paul joined the crowd at the tables and ate their meals with the homeless and people down on their luck. The day had made quite an impression on Tiffany, she felt so helpless yet satisfied for doing what she had done this day.
Tiffany and Paul finished helping to clean the shelter and returned to Paul’s city home at the Dakotas. The apartment was huge and Tiffany was very impressed.
“Would you like something to drink?” Paul asked?”
“Just a cup of tea would be fine,” Tiffany answered. “May I use your bathroom?”
“It’s down the hall on the right,” Paul said.
Tiffany found the bathroom and looked in the mirror at her reflection. She started giggling at the sight. Her makeup was a mess, as was her hair. Her nails were chipped and her clothing was wrinkled, she would need a very large makeover to look good again.
Tiffany returned to the living room and sat on the sofa. She curled her legs under her skirt. Paul brought her a cup of tea, which she took with both hands and let it rest on her knees. Paul had lit the gas fireplace and the warmth was filling the room. Tiffany was staring at the flames in the fireplace as Paul watched her.
Paul had dated many pretty women during his rise to financial security, but none had radiated the inner beauty that Tiffany did. She is an amazing woman Paul thought.
Tiffany looked serene and at peace as she watched the flickering flames and felt her body relax. She sipped the warm liquid in the mug and noticed that she didn’t leave a smudge of lipstick. She had forgotten to reapply her makeup while she was in the bathroom.
Paul was looking at this beauty and found she was pretty even without makeup and so unpretentious. He was falling in love with the girl. Paul walked to Tiffany and took the cup from her hand.
“May I kiss you?” he asked.
Tiffany looked into his eyes and saw a caring look, one of love and understanding. Much to her surprise Tiffany wanted Paul to kiss her. Tiffany was finally behaving like a girl.
“Yes,” she said. “I’d like that.”
Paul took her in his arms and touched his lips to hers in a loving way. There was no hint of wanting to bed the girl, just a show of love and respect for the beauty. Tiffany wrapped her arms around Paul’s neck and held him tight as the kiss continued. Tiffany felt wonderful being held by this man, she felt protected and she felt feminine. Gone was the up tight conservative Dirk. She liked the new feelings she was getting from the kiss, she liked it a lot.
Paul and Tiffany parted lips and she cuddled against him and would remain this way for the rest of the evening. They would kiss and talk and kiss some more, but always in a loving way. Paul didn’t want to push Tiffany any further; he respected her too much for that.
Tiffany fell asleep in Paul’s arms, so he laid her gently on the couch and cover her with a soft angora blanket. Paul could see the innocence radiate from her face as she slept. You’re a lucky man Paul Bennington, he thought, as he gazed at the beauty. Paul was feeling differently about Tiffany than he had about the other women he had dated. This is the kind of woman a man married, he thought as he walked to his bedroom for a nights sleep.
Tiffany woke the next morning and wondered where she was. She felt the soft warmth from the blanket Paul had placed on her. She looked around and remembered where she was, in Paul’s apartment. She stretched her arms under the blanket and felt at peace with herself. She had spent the night in a man’s apartment and nothing bad had happened, in fact everything wonderful had. She was becoming excited about being Tiffany Rollins and having found a special man like Paul Bennington.
She sat up when she smelled the coffee brewing.
“Paul?” she called.
“I’m in the kitchen,” he responded.
“What time is it?” she asked.
“It’s almost nine,” he responded.
“Oh God, I should be on my way to work by now,” Tiffany said.
“Don’t worry, I’ll drive you to work, have a cup of coffee first. I made it with my very own hands,” he laughed.
Tiffany walked to the kitchen, her bare feet making a soft sound on the hardwood floor. Paul turned and gave her his best smile when he saw her. When Tiffany saw his smile she wanted to give him the biggest kiss she could, so she did.
“Wow, what was that for?” he asked.
“For being so special, thank you Paul,” she said.
“All I did was make some coffee,” he said.
“It’s more than that. You were a perfect gentleman last night. You treated me like a queen and I’ll never forget you Paul,” she said.
“You make it sound as though you’ll never see me again,” he said.
“Good heavens, did I make it sound like that? If you don’t ask me out again, I’ll never forgive you, but now I really have to go to work. It’s very rare when a model has any free time,” she said.
“Let me get my keys and we’ll be off,” he said.
“I have to go home first and bathe. I also have to change my clothes,” she said.
“I’ll wait, that way I can spend more time with you,” he said.
“You don’t have to,” she said.
“I insist. I’m not going to let the woman in my life ever have to be alone again,” he said.
Tiffany felt warm when he said that. God he was special and she could feel herself falling into a whole new world of feelings for someone. Tiffany was falling in love with a man and she didn’t mind at all, she was embracing it. She couldn’t help herself and kissed Paul again.
“We should go,” she said as the couple walked to the door.
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Chapter 31
Brenda greeted Tiffany when she came in to work the following day.
“Hi Tiffany, how was your Thanksgiving. Did you spend it alone?” Brenda asked.
“It was wonderful. Maybe I should say it was perfect,” she replied.
“Really, what did you do?”
“I spent the day at a homeless shelter and the evening at Paul Bennington’s apartment.”
“Who is Paul Bennington?”
“He’s the CEO of the department store chain I was modeling for Wednesday evening. He asked me to join him for Thanksgiving and I thought we would just have dinner somewhere nice, but he wanted me to go with him to the shelter and volunteer to help. Oh Brenda, it was the most wonderful Thanksgiving I’ve ever had. Just watching the faces of the people when you served them made my heart sing, especially the children. I can’t wait until next year to do it all over again,” Tiffany said.
“Wasn’t it creepy waiting on those people?” Brenda asked.
“Brenda, they’re just down on their luck and they were all very nice to me. Actually much nicer than some of the people I’ve met modeling.”
“Tell me more about your Paul?”
“He’s not my Paul, he’s just a very nice man who I like being with. He treats me like a princess and he wants to see me again.”
“Do you want to see him?”
“Yes, very much,” Tiffany said, as she blushed.
“My goodness, is this a new Tiffany Rollins I see standing next to my desk?”
“No, I’m the same person.”
“The Tiffany I knew wouldn’t be caught dead with a man and now you want to date one. No, this is a new Tiffany or an imposter. Did someone kidnap the old Tiffany?” Brenda giggled.
“Stop it Brenda, I finally realized that going out with a man was part of being Tiffany, that’s all.”
“He kissed you, didn’t he?”
Tiffany had turned a bright shade of red with that statement, which was all Brenda had to see to answer her question.
“He did kiss you, I knew it. Was it nice when he did?” Brenda asked.
“It was very nice, I didn’t want to go home after the last kiss.”
“There was more than one? Oh Tiffany, you like this guy, don’t you?”
“Yes, I thought I would like him as a buddy to hang out with, but as the day went on I found that I was attracted to him, and not as a buddy. When he asked if he could kiss me I wanted him to kiss me so badly that I melted in his arms.”
“I’m right someone did kidnap my best friend. You of all people allowed him to kiss you?”
“What’s wrong with that Brenda? Guys kiss girls all the time, it’s the way nature is, guy meets girl, guy asks girl out, guy kisses girl, it’s as simple as that,” Tiffany said.
Brenda could see that Tiffany was becoming flustered with the interrogation, but Brenda had to know more.
“I know that, I’ve definitely been kissed, but you, the person who hated a man to even touch her, wants to be kissed again. I’m just in shock, that’s all.”
“Brenda, I finally decided to have fun being Tiffany. There’s no reason to crawl into a cave and let life pass me by, it’s time for me to become Tiffany.”
“It’s about time girl friend. Do you have anything scheduled for today?”
“Another show; this Christmas season is going to kill me, I have something going on everyday until December twenty-fourth. Thank God we have the following week off, I’ll need the rest.”
“What are you gong to do that week?”
“I guess stay home, my parents don’t want to see me like this and told me not to come home until the assignment is over and I become Dirk again. I miss them terribly,” Tiffany said as her eyes watered.
“You poor thing, why don’t you come home with me? We can have a ball doing California girl things and maybe I can even teach you how to surf,” Brenda said.
“I’ll think about it. It might be fun, but I’m not going to surf, I’d just die if I broke a nail,” Tiffany giggled.
“Yep, someone kidnapped my girl friend,” Brenda laughed.
It was the Friday after Thanksgiving and any girl that was working already had their assignment so it was very quiet around the office. Melissa wasn’t coming in so everyone was pretty loose around and laid back. She was spending the weekend with her police escort because his wife had flown to Indianapolis for the Thanksgiving holiday. The cop wanted to stay home to be with Melissa, so he scheduled himself to work. Melissa was very good in bed and the officer wanted as much time with her as he could. Melissa on the other hand wanted something else, a hammer to hold over his head.
Runway | Chapter 32:
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Chapter 32: Ouch it Hurts -
The following week, Brenda needed more cocaine from Melissa. She wanted to have it tested to see if a new batch had come in. Brenda was tiring of this whole investigation and wanted nothing more than to have it end.
“Melissa, remember when you said that if I ever need some more of, you know, that stuff just to ask?”
“Of course, sweetheart. Come into my office and I’ll get you some,” Melissa answered.
Brenda entered Melissa’s office and closed the door. Melissa walked to the painting hanging on the wall behind her desk and pulled the frame loose from the magnetic catch and swung it aside to reveal a wall safe. Melissa turned the combination dial and opened the safe revealing several packages of drugs. They appeared to be different from each other, so Brenda assumed one was cocaine and the other must be meth.
“Do you have something to put this in?” Melissa asked.
“No, I forgot to bring my compact,” Brenda answered.
“Your compact isn’t big enough for this. You need something larger. The compact is for your personal use when you want something to get you through the day. I’ll put it in this plastic bag. Make sure you hide it in an envelope or somewhere people can’t see it. I’d hate it if my receptionist was busted for carrying drugs,” Melissa laughed nervously.
Melissa measured some of the powder into the bag and sealed it.
“Here you are, this should last until next week. Has Tiffany tried this yet?” Melissa asked.
“Not yet, I used all of it myself.”
“My, my, aren’t we the adventurous one,” Melissa laughed.
“It’s not that Melissa, it just makes me feel so good,” Brenda said, hoping that she was cementing her relationship with Melissa.
“I’m sure Tiffany would love it too, but don’t share it with her just yet. I don’t want her doing things she shouldn’t do,” Melissa said.
“I won’t Melissa, and thank you. How much do I owe you for this?” Brenda asked.
“You don’t have to pay me sweetheart, I just want you to be happy. I might have to ask you to do a favor for me later, but not right now, run along.”
Brenda left Melissa’s office and closed the door. Melissa could hardly contain her joy with the rapid drug use Brenda portrayed. She wanted Tiffany to start using too, but not until she had worn herself out on modeling assignments. She was worth too much money to her right now and it would be a shame to throw all that down a hole just to make Tiffany prostitute herself. Maybe it will be best if Brenda uses it all herself, she thought. That girl will be a real money maker for me.
Brenda went to her desk and called Bill Cline.
“Bill Cline.”
“Hi Bill, I’d like to get together later if that works for you?” Brenda asked.
“See you at six at the same place?”
“Okay, see you then.”
Brenda arrived at the restaurant a few minutes early and Bill hadn’t arrived yet. Brenda had come to grips with what she and Danny had done, thanks to Annie explaining that what she had done was just a normal way of pleasing a man.
“Hi Danny,” Brenda said as she seated herself at the bar.
“Brenda, I was afraid you weren’t coming back, how are you?” he asked.
“I’m fine Danny, I’m sorry I over reacted to what we did. How have you been?”
“Just fine, you know me working all the time.”
“Don’t you mean most of the time,” Brenda said with a wink.
“Meeting your friend again?”
“Yes, more business to attend to.”
Bill entered the restaurant and sat next to Brenda. She removed a manila envelope from her purse, which she had folded in half and handed it to Bill.
“Here’s the paperwork you wanted Bill,” Brenda said. She didn’t want Danny to think she had drugs with her again.
“Thanks Brenda, have you eaten yet?”
“No.”
“Neither have I and I’m starving, lets get a table.”
Brenda and Bill stayed for dinner and left after they were finished. Danny watched and wondered if he would be able to see Brenda again, he really did like the girl.
Bill called the next day and informed Brenda that the cocaine was the same batch as the last one she provided, and that she would have to wait longer until she got more from Melissa.
Several weeks past, which gave Brenda time to watch Melissa’s visitors. When she first started working at Universal, people would come and go and she didn’t think much about it, but now a pattern had developed. The same girls would come by once or twice a month, have a conference with Melissa and then leave. Connie was one of the girls in that group of maybe fifteen different women. They were all good looking, and most looked like former models. Brenda was starting to put the whole thing together. They were the escorts working for Melissa and they were coming by for their drugs and the money split from their dates with the men who were paying for their services. Brenda needed to know more about the action and decided she would to talk to Connie the next time she came by.
Brenda figured Melissa would have replaced her supply by now, with all the travel from her office and asked for some more drug.
“Melissa, I was wondering if I might get some more of that special treat you have for me?” Brenda asked.
“Of course dear, come into my office.”
Melissa liked that Brenda was asking for more cocaine in a shorter amount of time. This meant that she was using more and needed it more often, a sure sign that she was becoming hooked. It was time to start her on the road to prostitution, her first encounters would be innocent at first, no sex, but as her needs grew so would her responsibilities toward her clients.
Melissa measured another batch of coke for Brenda and sealed the plastic bag.
“Here you are Brenda, I’m glad you like what I’ve been giving you,” Melissa said.
“I enjoy it very much Melissa, I don’t know how to thank you for being so nice,” Brenda said, as the words almost stuck in her throat.
“There is a way Brenda. Do you remember me telling you that I might need a favor from you someday in exchange for what I’ve done for you?”
“Yes.”
“Well I have a client coming from the west coast and he needs someone to be with him when he goes to a dinner function tonight. I described you to him and he would like you to go with him. You don’t have to worry, there will be no sex involved. You just have to look appealing if you know what I mean?”
“Can’t one of the other girls go with him?”
“Brenda, it’s time to repay your debt to me. This will be fun for you. All you have to do is look sexy. What happens after that is your business,” Melissa said.
“I don’t have anything to wear,” Brenda said, hoping that she could get out of this thing.
“Don’t worry, I’ll provide something for you. You’re a size six, aren’t you?”
“Yes.”
“What shoe size do you wear, dear?”
“I wear a size eight.”
“Good, it’s done. I’ll have everything delivered here this afternoon.”
Brenda took the cocaine from Melissa and put it in her purse. She called Bill and made arrangements to see him that noon, she wanted to get rid of it as soon as possible.
Brenda and Bill met at a small park to exchange the drug.
“Bill, this thing is starting to get messy, Melissa wants me to escort one of her clients to dinner tonight and I don’t even want to think of where this is going,” Brenda said.
“She doesn’t want you to have sex, does she?”
“She said it doesn’t involve sex, but what if the guy expects it? They did say we might have to do things we wouldn’t want to do when we took this assignment. It’s important to gain the trust of Melissa, but I didn’t think it would involve sex.”
“Tell him no, tough shit if Melissa loses a client.”
“He might try to force himself on me. What should I do then?”
“Brenda, you’re trained in martial arts, so you should know what you should do. You haven’t forgotten already, have you?”
“I suppose not, it’s just that things are so different when you’re a girl. I’m sure I’ll be fine.”
“I’m sure you will be, you’re a fine agent. I have to get back and have this tested. You be careful tonight,” Bill said with concern.
“I will be,” Brenda said.
Brenda walked back to the office and wondered if she was pushing the investigation too fast. She certainly hadn’t planned on dating some guy from out of town and to be his escort, as Melissa had called it. Brenda knew what she really was, a prostitute. How was she going to avoid having sex with the man, she wondered. Bill had mentioned that she knew how to take care of herself, but what he didn’t know was that her strength had diminished as the hormones had sculpted her body. She might know the moves, but was she fast enough to take a man by surprise? And what if he gained the upper hand, then what? Would she be able to kick or fight with heels on, she hadn’t trained for that. Brenda was becoming concerned that she was stepping way over a line that could mean her death.
Should I gain Melissa’s trust or should I just forget about this whole thing, she wondered. Then the thought of the time and money already involved in this operation came to mind as did her new self, the woman she had become. No, she thought, I’ll do it. I’ll just have to take extra care so as not to get hurt.
Runway | Chapter 33:
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Chapter 33:
A special delivery package was brought to the office addressed to Brenda Watson, and she knew what it would be, her costume for the evening.
Brenda wondered what she would be wearing. Brenda liked to dress nicely, with class, not like some oversexed bimbo on the make, but she had a feeling Melissa was going to make her do just that.
Brenda opened the box and her worse fears came true. Melissa couldn’t even be original and was going to have her wear a little black dress with the emphasis on little. Maybe this should be called slut wear, Brenda thought with a giggle. The shoes weren’t much better, one look and ‘CFM’ to mind. Melissa had even included the lingerie. If this was the look Melissa wanted, then that was the look she would get, but it might take more than a few minutes to do.
“Melissa, where am I to met your client and at what time?” Brenda asked.
“At his hotel around seven,” she answered.
“I’m going to need some time to get ready. I have someone that can do my makeup for me, but I’ll have to leave now so I can be ready in time.”
“This is important so you can go, just be nice to my client. His name is Preston Kurtz and we do a lot of business with him.”
“I won’t let you down Melissa.”
Brenda returned to her desk and called Ashley.
“Hello,” Ashley said into the phone.
“Ashley, hi, its Brenda, I need a big favor. I have a date tonight and need my hair and makeup done, can you help me?”
“Of course I can. You know my address. Can you come now?”
“I’ll be right there.”
Brenda arrived at Ashley’s apartment and was buzzed in. Ashley opened her door and the two embraced.
“Tell me what you are doing tonight, so I have an idea of what to do with you hair?” Ashley asked.
“I have to go out with a client of Melissa’s. Let me show you the dress I’m supposed to wear and then you’ll see what I need,” Brenda said.
Brenda opened the box and held the dress up for Ashley to see.
“Oh, slut wear. Just exactly what does she want you to do with this client, get him in bed or just look like a whore for him?” Ashley said, in disgust.
“There’s no way he’s going to get me in bed and I don’t want to look like a whore. What can we do?”
“I’ll protect you Brenda, you’ll just look sexy as hell when I’m done. Let’s get you in the shower and wash your hair, I have a lot to do.”
Brenda showered and dried off her body. She put on the lacy black thong panties Melissa had been kind enough to include with the dress and joined Ashley in the kitchen.
“Your hair has grown since the last time I saw you, I can do more with it now. I have to trim a few split ends and then I can set it, you’re going to look hot tonight.”
“Ashley, looking hot is the farthest thing from my mind. Actually looking like a nerd was more of what I had in mind,” Brenda giggled nervously.
Ashley finished setting Brenda’s hair and started on her makeup.
“Let me do your nails first. They’re going to take longer to do than your makeup. I want your hands to be as pretty as your face.”
“Ashley, please don’t over do it. I don’t want this guy to get the wrong idea. When he sees me I want him to think I’m like ice.”
“Oh you will be, fire on ice,” Ashley giggled.
Ashley did both Brenda’s feet and hands with red polish. The color would contrast nicely with the black dress and sandals she was to wear.
“I’m going to give your eyes a smoky look, you know the look that Victoria’s Secret model had. So watch what I do, so you can do it yourself,” Ashley said.
Ashley finished Brenda’s eyes and put on red lipstick and gloss so her lips would shine.
Brenda rolled her sheer nude panty hose up her legs and then lowered her dress down over her head. The dress stopped several inches above mid thigh and the top was cut low enough to expose her cleavage to well below her breasts. She sat and looked at the sandals Melissa had sent for her to wear, the heels were almost five inches tall. There were two long straps attached to the back of the shoes and Brenda was at a loss as to what they were for.
“Ashley, what are these straps for?” she asked.
“They wrap around your calf to hold your sandals on, they’re very sexy,” Ashley said.
“Could you show me please?” Brenda asked.
Ashley slid the sandals on Brenda’s feet and wrapped the straps around her calf and attached the straps together just below her knees.
“There, all done. Time to take a look at yourself princess,” Ashley said.
Brenda stood and almost fell because of the height of her heels. This might take some getting used to, she thought. She slowly walked to the full length mirror and looked at herself.
“Oh my God Ashley, what have you done? I’ll be raped if someone sees me looking like this,” Brenda exclaimed.
“Don’t you like it?”
“God yes I like it, I look so, so hot. Just wearing this is making me want a man, what am I going to do Ashley?”
“Whatever you want, you’re the woman in charge.”
“I feel like I’m naked wearing this, it’s such a turn on. What if my date wants to have sex, what should I do?”
“Have sex if you want or don’t, you’re the woman. Have you had sex with a man yet?” Ashley asked.
“Once,” Brenda blushed as she answered.
“What did you do?”
“I did it with my mouth.”
“Was it hard for you to do?”
“Not really, Danny instructed me and I did what he said to do, I really didn’t do much Danny just moved my head up and down.”
“Did it bother you when he was finished?”
“A little, why?”
“Because the first time is the hardest, but after you’ve done it once the more you do it the easier it is. It doesn’t bother me at all anymore, if I feel like doing it I do it and if I don’t want to I don’t. For me it's no different than a girl going to bed and spreading her legs except that I do it with my mouth. Tell me how you felt after you did it?”
“I didn’t know what to do when he came in my mouth, so I spit it out onto the street. I felt ashamed of myself for letting Danny seduce me so easily and for what I had done.”
“Did you feel at all happy that you had cleared that hurdle so to speak?”
“Now that you mention it I did, after I thought about it for a while.”
“And I guess you discovered that those things don’t bite. I’ll be honest with you Brenda the more of a woman I have become the more I like doing that, it’s my way of having sex with a man. Most guys don’t know I still have my boy bits, so having them screw me is out of the question. Brenda you still have some male thoughts in your head and when you see yourself dressed like this the first thing you think of is sex and your female self wants to please the male thought. This is the most dangerous time for a girl like you, you want to be a woman, but your brain says to be a slut for the male thoughts. The longer you remain this way the more you will think like a woman and react to sex like a woman. When that happens you will look at yourself dressed like this and wonder if your date will be pleased and not how fast I can get him in bed.”
“I’ll try to be good Ashley, really I will.”
“Look Brenda, I’m not saying not to have fun just be careful and if you want to have sex go ahead and do it. You’ll find it really is enjoyable when you are in control and you do what you want, not what the man wants to do to your head.”
“I’ll remember that, thanks.”
“I’ll call a cab for you, where are you going?”
“To the St. Regis. Everything is taking place there, dinner and show and the guy has a room there so at least I don’t have to go outside looking like this. Do you have a jacket I can borrow to get to the cab?”
“I have one that will be perfect, at least your boobs will be covered. Your legs are on their own,” Ashley giggled.
The cab arrived and Brenda left with a promise to take good care of Ashley’s jacket.
Brenda knew her dress was short, but after sitting down in the back of the cab she realized just how short it was. Her entire leg was exposed and the driver was taking full advantage of the view. The taxi arrived at the hotel and the doorman opened the door for Brenda. When she swung her legs out, he was greeted with a view he wouldn’t soon forget. He took Brenda’s hand and helped her to her feet after spotting the incredibly tall heels.
“Thank you,” she said.
“It was my pleasure miss,” he replied.
Brenda clicked her way into the hotel and asked the desk clerk for Preston’s room number.
The clerk phoned his room to inquire as to whether he was expecting a guest.
“He’s expecting you miss, he’s in room 1740,” the clerk said.
Brenda could feel the distain in the clerk’s eyes and realized that they thought she was a whore. So this is how a sexy girl feels she thought.
Brenda rode the elevator to the seventeenth floor, walked to Preston’s room and knocked on the door.
The door opened and a middle aged man smiled at Brenda. It was the smile of a wolf looking at a sheep before a meal.
“Hello, I’m Brenda Watson,” she said, offering her hand.
“I’m pleased to meet you, I’m Preston Kurtz. I must say Melissa wasn’t kidding when she said I would be pleased with you, you’re a doll,” he said.
“Thank you Mr. Kurtz.”
“Call me Preston. May I get you something to drink before we go?”
“No thank you, Preston, I’m fine.”
Preston surveyed the beauty standing in front of him, Melissa finally sent a girl that wasn’t taller than him and this one had curves. All the other girls had been ex-models and would stand as tall as him without the impossibly high heels they wore and they didn’t have much in the figure department. Their faces were pretty, but their figures lacked what Brenda’s offered, nice sized breasts, a curvy ass and drop dead gorgeous legs. Preston had never been turned on by the other girls, but Brenda was different, and he might have to make an exception about sex with this one.
“We might as well be going then, shall we?” he said as he extended his arm.
Brenda knew what was expected and placed her hand on his arm as they walked to the elevator. Holding his arm really didn’t bother her because it helped steady her as she walked on the tottering stilts that made her legs look so good. They were soon seated at a table with five other couples waiting for a convention dinner. Introductions were made around the table and Brenda couldn’t help but feel the stares from both the men and women, the men out of lust and the women from hate. She felt like crawling under the table.
Dinner was served and Preston tried to make Brenda feel more at ease and she was starting to enjoy his company. Preston was a salesman before he became the national sales manager for the firm he worked for and had the reputation of being able to sell ice to an Eskimo in winter. Brenda finally paid attention to Preston and ignored the other guests at the table, figuring that this was part of the business of being an escort. The only person that was important was the client and the rest could go to hell as far as she was concerned.
Dinner was finished and the show began. It was a combination of second tier talent and short business speeches and lasted for two hours. Brenda wondered why people would bother to go to these things without a gun held to their heads.
“Preston, why do people come to these things, they’re terrible?” she asked.
“Several reasons Brenda, one is to be able to go to a city like this and enjoy yourself and use it as a tax deduction and secondly to meet a girl like you. It’s an opportunity for married guys to get away from their wives and have a little tryst.”
“Why Preston, that’s not nice,” Brenda said with a giggle and reached for his hand.
“The show’s over would you like to go have a drink or should we go to my room and have one there?” Preston asked.
Brenda thought of how the evening had gone and the stares she had received and decided she would rather go where she wouldn’t be seen.
“I’d rather go to your room, it’s quieter there,’ Brenda said.
Preston escorted Brenda from the room with the men not believing his incredible luck to be with this girl. Preston was an average looking man of fifty years and looked all of those fifty years. He had a little paunch to show from years of business lunches and there was nothing especially good looking about him. He was just average and yet here he was, holding hands with the most desirable woman in the room. Eyes followed their every move, actually Brenda’s every move hoping that her breasts might fall from her dress or her panties would be exposed with every movement of her legs. Brenda was definitely a walking wet dream.
Preston opened the door to his room and escorted Brenda in and locked the security lock.
“Have a seat Brenda,” he said pointing to the sofa. “I’ll get something for us to drink. What would you like?”
“I’ll have anything with vodka,” she replied.
Preston poured an individual bottle of vodka into a glass of ice and added orange juice and brought it to Brenda.
“Here you are, vitamin C with a kick,” he laughed.
Brenda liked Preston. He was very funny and made her feel at ease with him. She knew Melissa had mentioned no sex and she was happy with that, but she also knew he must have spent a lot of money to date her. After the initial impression when she met him, she wondered if he was going to want to get his monies worth, time would tell.
Preston sat next to Brenda and started to talk about this and that, all the typical sales bullshit and Brenda listened intently and was soon caught up into what he was saying. He had talked her into having sex and she was agreeing with him that she should do it with him, it truly was an ice to the Eskimo thing.
He leaned and kissed Brenda on the lips and his tongue soon penetrated her lips. His hands had easy access to her breasts and were soon inside her dress fondling her nipples. As the fire rose inside of her, Brenda thought about what Ashley had said, the first time was the hardest, and after that it was easy just do it when you want.
Brenda was feeling hot at this moment and felt Preston take her hand and placed it on his tented pants. He was hard and wanted her to take his erection in her hand. She took it and gave it a squeeze and she knew if she continued she would be the whore that came into the hotel.
“Get on the bed,” she whispered.
Preston went to the bed and Brenda undid his pants and underwear and pulled them down enough to allow his erection to spring free. She took it back into her hand and slowly pumped it.
“Oh God, Brenda, that feels so good,” he said.
Brenda laid down on the bed next to him, took his hand and placed it on her breast.
“Rub me,” she ordered.
Preston rubbed Brenda’s breast and then she took him in her mouth, she was doing the work. She felt the tip and let it slide to the back of her throat and caressed the shaft with her tongue. She pulled it out slowly and then let it slide back in as she made love to the penis. Ashley was right, doing it her way was wonderful and it felt good doing this, it was incredibly erotic. She felt Preston grow tense grabbing her breast with intensity, which made her love his member that much more and then she felt him flow into her mouth. She loved the way she felt as the slickness filled her mouth, she sucked for the first time, she wanted this thing in her mouth and she wanted to please it.
It finished spurting the liquid and Brenda pulled the penis from her mouth and went to the bathroom to spit the liquid from her mouth into the sink. Spitting the cum from her mouth woke a new feeling in Brenda, disgust. How could she have let the salesman talk her into giving him a blowjob, that’s what it was, a blowjob. Not orally satisfying the man, but a blowjob. Something a whore gives a man she doesn’t even know, for payment. Brenda filled a glass with water and tried to wash away the disgusting taste in her mouth. As the taste lingered it brought to bare what she had just done, prostituted herself. She wanted to cry.
“I have to go,” she said when she re-entered the room.
“You were fantastic Brenda, I’d like to see you again when I come to town,” Preston said.
Seeing Preston again was the farthest thing from Brenda’s mind at this moment, she just wanted to get out of here. How should I respond to that Brenda wondered, he thinks I’m a whore and he’s a client and if I don’t say the right thing Melissa won’t trust me to re-supply me with drugs.
“You were wonderful too Preston, the best I’ve ever had,” she said with a smile.
“I left a tip in your purse for you, you were worth every penny of it,” he said.
That statement really hit home with Brenda, she was now a paid prostitute and like it or not Melissa would think of her as one. How could I have let this get so far out of hand, she wondered.
“Thank you so much Preston, give me a hug so I can go,” she said.
Preston rose from the bed and Brenda gave him a hug. I can’t believe I’m doing this right now, hugging a man with his pants and underwear around his ankles and a deflated penis hanging free below his shirt. This is a picture my mother would love to see.
Brenda grabbed her purse and was soon out the door. She walked to the elevator, which deposited her in the lobby. Her heels clicked on the marble floor until she reached the carpet, but the noise had caused people to look at her. She was still beautiful to look at and she received her stares, except she thought everyone knew what she had just done, she felt ashamed.
Brenda found a taxi and entered, she felt cheap and looked it too. Brenda gave the driver her address and they were off.
Brenda opened her purse and removed the wad of bills. She counted it and found that her tip was one thousand dollars. Brenda hadn’t noticed the driver watching her.
“Good night tonight, honey?” he asked.
“Mind your own business,” Brenda answered, she wasn’t in any mood to listen to some crap from the driver.
“You know I get lots of requests for girls like you, if you work with me I could hook you up with some real money,” he said.
“You don’t know anything about a girl like me, so why don’t you just shut up and drive,” she responded.
“Suit yourself, I’m just trying to help you out sweetie,” he said.
“You’re trying to help yourself out, and I’m not your sweetie.”
Brenda arrived at her apartment and exited the cab, throwing the fare on the front seat of the cab. She was in no mood to make nice with the driver.
Brenda entered her apartment and thanked heaven that Annie hadn’t seen the way she was dressed. She removed the dress and heels and washed her face clean of any makeup. Her skin was clean and soft, she was a pretty girl even without makeup on, but when she looked at herself in the mirror, she saw her reflection and felt dirty. Her eyes began to fill with tears and the dam broke, she was no longer a sweet girl, she was a whore and felt nothing but distain for herself. How could she have done such a stupid thing, she wondered as she fell on her bed and cried until she found the world of sleep.
Runway | Chapter 34:
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Chapter 34:
Brenda woke the next morning, her eyes still red from the previous night’s tears. She went to work looking and feeling like hell.
“Good morning Brenda, how did last night go?” asked Melissa, as she entered the office.
“You’re early this morning,” Brenda answered, with a touch of venom in her voice.
Melissa could tell Brenda wasn’t a happy camper, but none of her girls were after their first date as an escort. Melissa wanted to push Brenda a little farther into the sex game, but knew she would have to handle her with fur gloves. She needed to know if she would be joining her regular girls as an escort.
“Did you have a nice time last night? How was Preston, was he satisfied when you left?”
“Yes, I’m sure he was, but I really don’t think I’m cut out for that sort of thing Melissa.”
“Brenda I explained to you that you would have to do some favors for me in exchange for the little treats I give you, so don’t get indignant about your duties. The first time is always the hardest, but after that it’s easy,” Melissa said.
Why does everyone say that, the first time is the hardest, that’s nonsense, it might become easier, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it, Brenda thought.
“Please don’t ask me to do that again Melissa. I’m not sure if I can,” Brenda said.
“Alright dear, I don’t want to push you into something you don’t want to do. I’ll be in my office,” Melissa said as she left the room.
Mario came in next and greeted Brenda.
“Hi sweetheart, are you okay?” he asked.
“I’m just tired; I had to work late for Melissa last night. I’ll be alright with a little rest,” she answered.
Brenda had trouble looking Mario in the eye. She felt guilty for what she had done, even though it was just work. What she had done was more than writing down few pages of notes. She had prostituted herself and was having difficulty coming to terms with what she had done. Like it or not, this was going way beyond being a casual investigation. It was becoming a degrading way of life for her.
“I’ll drop by later, maybe we can get something to eat after work.”
“That would be nice,” she said.
Mario left and Brenda was coming to realize that undercover work wasn’t nice, nor was it the fictional experience of a movie drama. The investigation was long and one tended to become like the people being investigated, the only difference was that she had a badge. Brenda knew she wasn’t a whore, and pretending to be one was just a way to gain Melissa’s trust, but God how she hated having to degrade herself like that. Maybe this last bit of coke would put the nail in the coffin and the ruse would be over.
Bill called a little after noon with the results of the drug.
“Universal.”
“Brenda, it’s Bill.”
“Hi Bill, what’s up?”
“Not much, and the tests aren’t encouraging, this batch didn’t match anything we had results on so we don’t know where it came from,” he said.
“Shit, how much longer is this going to take Bill?” Brenda asked, the exasperation showing in her voice.
“I wish I had an answer for you, but I don’t. I’ve seen these things go on for years and never be solved, we just have to keep trying,” Bill said.
“That’s easy for you to say, Bill, but getting the cocaine isn’t the easiest thing in the world to do. Melissa’s asking that I do favors for her, in exchange for the drug, and I don’t want to do that,” Brenda said.
“We might solve this soon. Buy another sample from Susan and maybe it will match what you just got from Melissa, it had to come from somewhere.”
“Okay, I will, but I won’t get anymore from Melissa for at least a month, there’s just too much stress involved,” Brenda said.
“If we need more maybe you can have Tiffany get it, she needs to be more involved in this investigation.”
“It would be nice if she was, but it’s not her fault that she became so popular. We thought she would just be another model, but I guess that’s the way things work out sometimes. I don’t think Melissa would give Tiffany a sample because of that popularity. She’s worth too much money right now.”
“See what you can do. Call me when you have that sample,” Bill said.
“Okay, bye.”
“Goodbye, Brenda.”
Melissa called Brenda into her office later that afternoon.
“Brenda, I just got off the phone with Preston and he couldn’t compliment you enough for your performance last night. He said you were the best girl I’ve ever sent to him and wants to see you again next month when he comes to town. I set it up for December nineteenth, so leave that date open,” Melissa ordered.
“I’m not sure if I want to do that again Melissa,” Brenda said.
“Brenda, you owe me and I won’t take no for an answer. I’m sure you would hate to lose your job.”
“I love my job, Melissa. It’s just that I’m not comfortable being an escort.”
“It’s easier the second time. Do it once more, please?”
Brenda thought about what Melissa was asking. She could just walk out on the assignment and say the hell with it, but she already had months of time invested, and she was gaining Melissa’s trust. She had no choice but to do as asked.
“Alright, just one more time.”
“Thank you Brenda, you’re a true friend. It’s not everyone that would do this for me.”
Brenda wanted to puke when Melissa said that, she knew she was just another girl Melissa wanted to whore for her. God, what a piece of work she is, Brenda thought to herself.
Brenda went to dinner with Mario and he seemed to cheer her up. Life was always wonderful when Mario was involved.
“Are we doing Sunday dinner this week?” she asked.
“Of course, my nephews and nieces would be devastated if their Aunt Brenda wasn’t there,” he chuckled.
“I miss those guys,” she said.
“They love you dearly, almost as much as I do,” he said.
Brenda leaned over and kissed her sweetheart, she really did love him. Life seemed to be normal when Mario was near. Brenda wished the investigation would end so she could have a normal relationship with her love. It would be so much easier if he knew she was an undercover agent and the secrets could end between them.
Mario escorted Brenda home and they were soon sitting on the sofa in her apartment. With all that had happened the last few days, Brenda needed reassurance from Mario.
“Mario, would you hold me please?” she asked.
“Of course I will. Are you alright?” he asked, as his concern for her showed as he spoke.
“I’m fine, I just have a lot of things on my mind and I really need you right now,” she answered.
Mario put his arms around Brenda and pulled her tight. She felt tense when he did. She seemed to relax after a while, but then he felt her body jerk as she started to cry.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” he asked.
“I’m, sorry,” Brenda sobbed. “I have so much on my mind right now and if I was to lose you, I’d just die,”
“You’re not going to lose me, heck you’ll probably have to run me off with a stick when you get tired of me,” Mario kidded, trying to make Brenda feel better.
“I’m so worried that you will leave me,” she cried, as the guilt of her encounter the previous evening invaded her mind.
“Honey, I’m not going to leave you,” he said as he tilted her head back and gave her a kiss.
Brenda threw her arms around Mario’s neck and pulled him into a lover’s embrace.
“I love you so much,” she said when there lips parted.
“I love you too,” he said.
Mario kissed Brenda goodnight when he knew she would be okay to be by herself.
Brenda went to bed and wondered why God had been so kind to her, to have given her a man like Mario. After all she had done, she felt as though she didn’t deserve someone so special. The tears fell once more before she found sleep.
Brenda called Susan the next day and arranged to see her for dinner.
Susan walked into the restaurant and the two women exchanged air kisses.
“How have you been Brenda? Is life treating you okay?” Susan asked.
“Everything’s fine, but I need to buy some more stuff from you. I hope you don’t mind?”
“I kind of thought that was why you asked me to dinner, so I brought the same amount as last time. I hope you aren’t using too much of it?”
“I’m fine, I share with some friends.”
“That’s good. It’s not good to abuse this stuff. It can ruin your life.”
“I’m careful with it Susan, there’s no need to worry.”
“That’s good.”
Susan gave Brenda her drug and Brenda gave Susan her cash. The deal was done. They ate dinner and went their own separate ways. The next day Brenda got the drug to Bill to be tested.
Bill called Brenda back the following day and informed her that the drug from Susan was from the same as the batch she gave her the first time she had asked for it. Susan wasn’t the drug source for Melissa.
“Brenda we should meet next week to discuss where this might be going and we have to put our heads together to think,” Bill said.
“Okay, where? The usual place, Tuesday at seven?”
“That works, I’ll see you then, and see if Tiffany can make it too.”
“I will, but with her crazy schedule it might be a problem getting her there.”
“Try your best.”
“I will, goodbye Bill.”
Tiffany made one of her rare appearances at the office. She had been so busy with her schedule that she was reporting to two and three jobs a day and hadn’t spoken to Brenda for a week.
“Hey there, Miss Rising Star, it’s nice to see you again,” Brenda said, as Tiffany came through the door.
“Hi. God, I’m so tired. Is Melissa in yet?” Tiffany asked.
“No not yet, she called and said that she wouldn’t be in until noon, why?” Brenda asked.
“I want her to cut back on some of my jobs. This whole thing is getting out of control. I barely have time to sleep,” Tiffany said.
“You poor thing and to make matters worse Bill wants a meeting with us next Tuesday at seven. We need to discuss where this is going and it’s important that you be there.”
“That would be like going out to dinner with friends and having a nice time, you bet I’ll be there. I don’t have anything scheduled for that time, so count me in,” Tiffany said.
“It will be nice to spend some time with my best friend again,” Brenda said.
“I’ve missed that too. We used to hang out together everyday at the academy, and then we thought we would do the same thing here. We couldn’t have been more wrong.”
“I really miss seeing you, how come you came in this morning?”
“I thought Melissa would be here and I had a few free minutes this morning to see her, but I have to run off again. If I don’t see you until Tuesday have a nice weekend,” Tiffany said.
“I will, Sunday dinner you know, with Mario,” Brenda said.
“I can’t believe you two are still together,” Tiffany said.
“I’m surprised too, have you seen that guy who took you to dinner, again?”
“Do you mean Paul Bennington?”
“Yes.”
“We’ve seen each other briefly. Why do you ask?”
“I was just wondering if my girl friend had finally found someone that’s all.”
“Brenda, you know I’m not looking for someone, especially not a guy. We just seem to enjoy each other’s company.”
“Be careful, that’s the way Mario and I started out.”
“Are you kidding me? You used to fall apart every time Mario came through the door before you started seeing him and Paul definitely doesn’t do that to me.”
“It didn’t sound that way after Thanksgiving. Why the big change?” Brenda asked.
“I don’t know, maybe it’s because we really don’t see much of each other. To be honest Brenda, it scared the heck out of me that I was finding Paul so attractive. When I gave into my feelings toward him I was also embracing myself, you know, being Tiffany. I had tried for so long to put Dirk aside and when I finally did, something happened to me. I felt as though I had become Tiffany, a woman and even as hard as I was trying I couldn’t find Dirk, and I don’t think I wanted too.”
“Then why change now?” Brenda asked.
“Because with my work schedule I’ve been able to think about all this, without the distraction Paul brings when he’s around. Dirk’s reared his ugly little head and made me think about whether this is what I really want. I’m very confused right now, Brenda,” Tiffany said.
“Have you talked to Paul about any of this?” Brenda asked.
“Of course not! What am I going to say to him? I’m an FBI agent and a man to boot? Use your head Brenda,” Tiffany said.
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking. So Paul doesn’t rock your boat anymore?”
“Yes he does and that’s one of the reasons I’m staying away from him,” Tiffany responded.
“I bet he thinks about you all the time,” Brenda giggled.
“That’s beside the point. Paul and I are just friends.”
“If you say so, girl friend,” Brenda giggled.
“I’ll see you Tuesday,” Tiffany said as she closed the door behind her.
Runway | Chapter 35:
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Chapter 35
The week past quickly and Brenda found herself at Sunday dinner. She had come to like this ritual, as it seemed to clear her head of the deceit she was involved in. It felt refreshing to forget the seamy side of the investigation, if even for just a few hours. She liked being Aunt Brenda to the children while she became more of a part of Mario’s family. She was building close relationships with family members other than Mario. If she was asked to investigate Mario, she wasn’t sure if she could, at least not objectively.
Tuesday evening came and Tiffany was able to keep her calendar clear for the meeting.
“Let’s catch a cab, it’s getting late and we don’t want to keep Bill waiting,” Brenda said.
“Let me get my purse. What’s this Bill like anyway? I’ve never even talked to him?” Tiffany asked.
“He’s pretty nice, but not my kind of guy. He’s gone through some changes since I met him, mostly for the best,” Brenda said.
“What do you mean by that?”
“He was a full blown alcoholic the first time I met him, he got drunk, and he was disgusting. After that he met some woman and he stopped drinking altogether and now he might take a drink, but keeps it under control,” Brenda said.
“Is he nice to you?”
“Of course he is. Why wouldn’t he be?” Brenda asked.
“Because you‘re cute and have a body to die for. He does leave you alone, doesn’t he?”
“God Tiffany, Bill’s a nice man, you’ll see. Hurry up, let’s go.”
The girls arrived at the restaurant and Bill hadn’t arrived so they sat at the bar to wait.
“Brenda, how’s my favorite girl?” asked Danny.
“I’m fine Danny, and this beautiful girl you can’t keep your eyes off is Tiffany Rollins,” Brenda said, with a touch of jealousy in her voice.
“I’m very pleased to meet you Tiffany. Can I get you girls something to drink?” Danny asked.
“Two lemon drops please, Danny,” said Brenda.
“Don’t I know you from somewhere, Tiffany?” Danny asked.
“Probably from one of the ads I’m in,” Tiffany said.
“Hey, now I know, you’re the Sunstar chick,” Danny exclaimed.
“I never thought of myself as a chick, but yes, that’s me,” she replied.
“Wow, you were so hot in those ads, I can’t believe you’re in my humble establishment,” Danny babbled.
Brenda watched Danny trying to make an impression on Tiffany. Even though there was nothing between Danny and her, she felt jealous of her friend. Danny had been her first sexual experience with a man, and maybe she did have some feelings for the flirt.
“Danny, are you going to make our drinks?” Brenda asked.
“Oh yeh, I’m sorry Brenda, I don’t get celebrities in here very often. I’ll be right back,” he said.
“God Tiffany, I thought Danny’s eyes would pop out looking at you,” Brenda giggled to her friend.
“I get that all the time, so I’m used to it. Do you know him?” Tiffany asked.
“He drove me home after dinner one night, he’s pretty nice, and he is cute.” Brenda said.
“I didn’t notice, he’s just another guy to me.”
“Come on Tiffany, you didn’t notice how good looking he is?”
“Okay, I did. What’s Bill look like?”
“Oh girl, God he makes me want to jump his bones every time I see him, but if you like him I’ll give him up, this time, just for you,” Brenda teased.
“Is he really good looking?” Tiffany asked, in her innocence.
“You’ll fall in love,” Brenda said.
Bill walked through the door into the restaurant and saw Brenda and Tiffany.
“Here he is Tiffany, he’s all yours.”
“You bitch,” Tiffany laughed and hit Brenda’s arm.
“Good evening Brenda. I assume you’re Tiffany, I’m Bill Cline,” he said.
“Hi Bill. Tiffany and I were just getting a drink. Would you like one?” Brenda asked.
“Are you buying?” he asked.
“Of course, don’t girls always buy men drinks?” she responded.
“Good, I’ll have a Manhattan over with no cherry,” he said.
Danny brought the girls their drinks and Brenda ordered Bill’s drink.
“Danny, Bill would like a Manhattan over with no cherry. We’re going to move to a table so could you bring it over there for us, please?” she asked, with her most flirtatious smile.
“I’d be happy to. Are you staying for dinner?”
“Tiffany and I are. Bill would you like dinner too?”
“No, I’ll just have a drink. I want to get this over with as soon as possible,” he said.
“God Bill, you’d think we were lepers or something,” Brenda laughed.
“Sorry Brenda, but I have something’s to do,” Bill replied.
The threesome found and empty table and sat down. Danny brought the drink and some menus for them to look at.
“Brenda, Tiffany, we’re going to have to get more aggressive with our investigation because so far it hasn’t gone very well. All we know is who isn’t supplying drugs to Melissa and still don’t have clue as to who is. Do you have any thoughts?” Bill asked.
“I ask around, but most of the girls don’t like to admit that they’re using them,” Tiffany said.
“I’ve done my part, God I even had to sample it once,” Brenda said.
“I know you two have been trying to find information, but we have to try harder. There is only one more person on our list and that’s Mario the UPS guy. Maybe we should concentrate on him, he seems to be the logical choice,” Bill said.
Brenda felt her stomach turn as she digested Bill’s words.
“Bill, I don’t think he’s the one, he just doesn’t fit the profile,” Tiffany said.
“Who else could it be? The drugs keep showing up for Melissa to distribute? We have traced them back to different distributors and he would have access throughout the city. After all, who would notice a UPS truck in their neighborhood, one truck looks like the next,” Bill said.
“I know it’s not Mario, he wouldn’t do something like that,” Brenda said.
Brenda’s greatest fears were coming true. She had become involved with a suspect and had fallen in love. There would be no way for her to investigate the man. Maybe she should excuse herself from the investigation and let Bill replace her with someone that didn’t have connections to the case.
“I really think we should concentrate on him, he’s the logical choice as far as I’m concerned. What with the Colombia connection and all, I’ll bet he’s our man,” Bill stated.
“Bill, I think we should go in a different direction. I don’t think Mario’s our man, it’s just a feeling I get,” Tiffany said.
Brenda looked at her friend. Tiffany winked at her and smiled. Brenda wanted to hug her friend in the worse way, but thought twice. Bill wouldn’t understand.
“Okay, let’s try to be logical about this, what do we know so far?” Bill asked.
“We know Melissa is using the drugs to guide her models into prostitution after they’ve passed their usefulness as models. Connie has said so and I have first hand experience,” Brenda said.
“We know that, but what we don’t know is where she gets the stuff,” Bill said.
“When you test it where do you get the other drug samples?” Tiffany asked.
“It’s sent to us by police departments from all over the United States for our lab to test. The results are used when they go to trial. That way they can tie the drug to the person that’s been arrested.”
“How much do they send you?”
“Just a small sample.”
“What do they do with the rest of it?”
“They incinerate it. The drug is kept under lock and key at each facility and only a very few people have access to it. It‘s kept until the trial and after that it’s destroyed.”
“Let me get this straight, the drugs we had tested were matched to quantities you tested from the New York police department which they obtained during an arrest? The first batch was from an old case and the second was from one, a year newer, is that right?” Brenda asked.
“Yes that’s right, but that doesn’t explain the last batch, we have no sample of that one.”
“Maybe you haven’t tested it yet, how many samples do you get and how long does it take to test it?” Brenda asked.
“We get hundreds and we’re really overloaded right now so a sample might not be tested for three or four months, what are you driving at?” Bill asked.
“What if it’s the police that are giving Melissa the drugs? That would explain why the formula changes from time to time. When they incinerate the drug they just get hers from another batch. It all makes perfect sense,” Brenda said.
“Do you know how difficult something like that would be to prove?” asked Bill.
“It’s a theory worth pursuing, it makes more sense than Mario does,” Brenda said.
“Okay, let’s assume you are right. How do we find the answer we’re looking for?” asked Bill.
“We do what we have been doing. Melissa is starting to trust me and I think if Tiffany can get close to her, we might find out who the dirty cop is,” Brenda said.
“Can you think of anyone?” Bill asked.
“She is dating that one cop that we know about, but I don’t think it’s him. He has too much to lose,” Brenda said.
“Who’s that?” Bill asked.
“He’s the commander of the drug task force and it’s common knowledge that Melissa is sleeping with him and uses him for information. He’s married and has kids, so I doubt he would be the source. Let’s look at the people who have access to the drugs, you know the guards or maybe even an attorney that goes in and out. Get the sign-in sheet and we’ll look at names. It’s worth a try.” Brenda said.
“Okay, that’s a theory worth pursuing, but if it doesn’t work out, we’ll have to concentrate on that Mario guy. Girls I have to run, I have a hot date with my mom again,” Bill said.
“Good night Bill. It was nice to meet you,” Tiffany said.
“It was nice meeting you too Tiffany, and your pictures don’t do you justice. You’re much prettier in person,” Bill said.
“Thank you Bill.”
“Goodnight Brenda, I’ll be in touch.”
“Goodnight Bill, have a nice dinner,” Brenda said.
Bill left the girls and they opened the menus.
“What’s good?” Tiffany asked.
“Everything, let’s see if Danny will do something special for us,” Brenda said.
“Do you think he will?” Tiffany asked.
“Of course he will, if I ask him nicely,” Brenda said.
Brenda called to Danny. She wanted to ask him something.
“Danny, Tiffany was wondering what to order and I thought maybe you could do something special, for old time sake?’ Brenda flirted.
“Brenda, you know I would do anything for you. I’ll have the chef make something special,” Danny said. “You know I’ll want to take you out if I do?”
“Danny you’re such a flirt, of course I’ll go out with you,” Brenda said.
“What about you Tiffany? Would you like to come too?” Danny asked.
“No, that’s alright. I’ll let Brenda take care of you,” Tiffany said.
“Could you at least sign some pictures so I can hang them on the wall?”
“I guess that would be okay. Do you have a camera?”
“A digital and a printer in the office, I’ll be right back.”
Danny returned with his camera.
“Don’t move girls, smile,” he said and took a picture of Tiffany and Brenda at their table.
“Could I take one with you standing and one with me?” asked Danny.
“Sure, whatever you would like,” Tiffany said.
“Stand by the bar, smile, got it,” Danny said. “Brenda, would you mind taking a picture of Tiffany and me?”
“Sure, stand next to her. Do you think you can grow just a little Danny, or if you’d like you can borrow my heels so you can be as tall as Tiffany,” Brenda laughed.
“Very funny Brenda, just take the picture,” Danny said.
“I can take my heels off if you would like,” Tiffany said.
“I’m fine. Go ahead Brenda, take the picture.”
Brenda took the picture and handed the camera back to Danny.
“Let me take one of you and Tiffany, stand next to each other,” Danny said, “Okay, I’ll go print these. Do you want any copies?”
“I do, the one with Tiffany and me,” Brenda said.
“I’ll be right back,” Danny said.
“He’s sweet,” Tiffany said.
“Oh please, if you knew Danny like I do you would know he’s just a terrible flirt, but you can’t help but like him,” Brenda said.
The girls sat back down at their table.
“Thank you for trying to protect Mario from Bill. I don’t know what I would do if I had to investigate him,” Brenda said.
“I know how you feel about him and I’m sure if he wasn’t a nice guy you would know, just don’t let your feelings for him cloud your judgment,” Tiffany said.
“I won’t,” Brenda said.
“Seriously though, I can’t believe you compromised the investigation, the way you did,” Tiffany said.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t plan on falling in love with Mario,” Brenda said.
“But you did. You should have never gone out with him in the first place,” Tiffany admonished.
“Tiffany, I don’t know what happened to me. I feel so foolish, but I couldn’t help myself. I’m truly sorry for all this,” Brenda said.
“I know you are, but next time think before you react, and don’t date a person of interest in an investigation,’ Tiffany said.
“I won’t,” Brenda groveled.
“Are you serious about the cops being the source of the drugs?” Tiffany asked.
“Think about it, who was Natalia going to see when she was killed, the police. I’m sure she didn’t tell Melissa she was going to them so the only other people that knew were the police. I just don’t know where to start with them. Maybe Melissa will introduce me to her boyfriend and there might be a chance that he might have some information he isn’t aware of. He might say something that might be of interest to us,” Brenda said.
“I have an idea, but I don’t know how to carry it out. I met a cop a while back and maybe he might have some kind of idea as to who might be involved,” Tiffany said.
“It’s worth a try” but don’t blow our cover doing it. Who is he anyway?” asked Brenda.
“Just a cop I met after a photo shoot. He’s a street cop, you know, one that wants to do his job without all the political bullshit. I think I can trust him.”
“Be sure before you tell him anything about yourself, or you might be killed.”
“I’ll be careful. What about you? What are you going to do? Go to Melissa’s boyfriend and say, I’m FBI? That sure won’t work.”
“I’m not sure yet, I think I might be able to work the drug, whore angle. Melissa wants me to work for her so bad that she is actually nice to me, you know the saccharine touch. If she’s any sweeter to me I’ll probably get diabetes,” Brenda giggled.
“I’ll call Hank tomorrow and see if he can be trusted,” Tiffany said.
“Did you decide what you are going to do at Christmas?” Brenda asked.
“I think I’ll go with you, if that’s alright.”
“Of course it’s alright. My mom will like the company. Now let's see what Danny has for us to eat.”
Danny provided a dazzling array of food for the girls and they were stuffed by the time they were finished eating.
“Well girls, did I do good?” Danny asked.
“That was delicious Danny,” Tiffany said.
“If you keep this up, I might have to marry you, Danny,” Brenda laughed.
“Don’t scare me Brenda. Marriage is a four letter word as far as I’m concerned,” he responded.
“Do you mean you wouldn’t want to be with me twenty-four seven Danny. You’re breaking my heart,” Brenda laughed.
“I might be tempted with Tiffany,” Danny said.
“Don’t get your hopes up unless you are willing to wait on me hand and foot,” Tiffany replied.
“I think I’ll just stick to the bar and when I feel lonely I’ll just have a shot of Jack and remember what I’m passing up,” Danny said with a laugh.
The girls paid their bill and went on their way.
Tiffany found Hank’s business card and called him on his cell phone.
“Hank Phelps,” he answered.
“Hi Hank, I don’t know if you remember me, but I met you several months ago and you bought me a cup of coffee. My name is Tiffany Rollins,” she said.
“How could I forget a beautiful woman like you, especially after I’ve seen your picture everywhere, I’m surprised that you remembered me,” he said.
“Of course I remember you and the reason I’m calling is that I would like to see you about something personal going on in my life,” she said.
“Is someone trying to hurt you?” he asked.
“No, it’s nothing like that, but it does have something to do with my work and I wanted to get together with you to talk about it. I wondered if we could meet?”
“Are you kidding me? Of course I’ll meet with you. No one will believe that I got to see Tiffany Rollins for a date,” he said.
“Where would you like to meet and when?” she asked.
“Is tomorrow too soon? I have the day off,” he asked.
“That will work for me. I have a fashion show in the afternoon, but I’m free after that. Why don’t we meet for dinner, my treat?” she said.
“I have just the place, right off Times Square on forty-third. Let’s say seven?”
“I’ll see you then, and thanks Hank,” Tiffany said.
“The pleasure is all mine, Tiffany. See you tomorrow night.”
Runway | Chapter 36:
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Chapter 36
The following day, Brenda approached Melissa to talk.
“Melissa, I have a problem with what you want me to do in regards to the coke,” Brenda said.
“After talking to Preston, there doesn’t seem to be much of a problem. He was very satisfied with your performance,” Melissa said.
“It’s not that, I worry about getting busted by the cops. I don’t want a record for prostitution,” Brenda said.
“Didn’t I explain to you that there is nothing to worry about? My boyfriend keeps me informed as to what might be going down and he guarantees that we won’t be touched by the vice unit,” Melissa said.
“I still worry. I’d feel better if I heard it from his mouth; after all it is my life we’re talking about.”
“I’ll talk to him, but don’t forget you have a date with Preston again in a few days and I’m sure he’ll want you to please him the same way you did last time. You don’t have a problem with that I hope?” Melissa asked.
“Not really, it does get easier the more you do it,” Brenda said.
“Good, I do know Preston likes you because of that beautiful body of yours. He couldn’t stop raving about you. If you want, I can schedule you for more work, and you could become my most popular escort. You know, with your body and looks we could be making a ton of money,” Melissa said.
“Melissa, I’m doing this to repay your generosity, not to become rich sucking dicks. I’m sorry, but I’m only going to do this when I must,” Brenda said.
“That’s a pity, you have a talent and it’s a shame to waste it.”
“Its degrading Melissa and I still have pride in myself.”
“I’ll see when my boyfriend will see you. Maybe that will change your mind about some things,” Melissa said.
“Thank you Melissa,” Brenda replied.
Brenda felt sick, kissing up to Melissa the way she had. Being an undercover agent wasn’t fun anymore, and having to become a prostitute to break a case wasn’t right. The thing that bothered Brenda most was the ease with which she had degraded herself. Unfortunately, when you roll in the mud with pigs, you’re going to get dirty, but in Brenda’s case, she was becoming like one of the pigs herself.
Melissa went to her office and picked up the phone and called her partner in crime.
“Hi, it’s me. Brenda’s coming around, and all she needs are a few assurances that she won’t be going to jail. I think I’ll be able to pressure her into doing more work, that girl is a natural. I think I’ll give her some of the cash we get for her services rather than the drugs. I was hoping she would be using more coke, but I think money will influence her to want to date more often. I’m getting low on cocaine. Connie and the others seem like they’re snorting up all of Columbia, thank God they’re busy,” Melissa said.
“Keep the girls in line. I don’t want them to get to the point where they aren’t wanted. They’re like little money machines and keep the pressure on Brenda. I think she could be the best escort that we’ve ever had. Most guys don’t like dating girls that are taller than them and Brenda’s perfect, she can wear slut shoes and still be shorter than her dates. I’ll see what I can do from my end,” the voice said.
“Don’t forget the coke,” Melissa said, as she lowered the phone.
Tiffany met with Hank Phelps the following evening. Hank was waiting when Tiffany arrived.
“Hank, it’s good to see you again,” Tiffany said as she extended her hand.
“It’s nice to see you too. Tiffany, you’re even prettier than I remember,” Hank said.
“Thank you,” Tiffany said as she blushed with the compliment.
Tiffany remembered Hank as being rather handsome, but she forgot just how good looking he was. She knew he was tall. She was wearing four-inch heels and he was still several inches taller than her. I wonder if he has a girlfriend. What in the heck am I thinking, I already have Paul and now I’m thinking about Mike. I wonder if the low amounts of estrogen are changing my brain? Look at what they did to Brenda. God, am I going to want breasts just like her? Think about business Tiffany.
“What would you like to eat? The short ribs here are the best in the city,” Hank asked.
“I have to watch my weight, I’ll just have a salad,’ Tiffany replied.
“You’re missing out on the greatest short ribs around.”
“I wish I could eat them, but if I gain even a little bit of fat there goes the career.”
“I’ll let you taste mine then, if I miss a few calories I don’t think my body will miss them,” Hank laughed.
Hank had a nice laugh, it was fun and engaging, Tiffany could learn to like this man.
“Hank I might as well get right to the point, I have something going on in my life that concerns illegal activity and I don’t know where to turn for help. That’s why I called you, I feel that you can be trusted,” Tiffany said.
“Wow, that’s getting right to the point,” Mike said
“I have to, it’s important,” Tiffany said.
“If you’re doing something illegal and you tell me I’ll have to arrest you so be careful of what you say,” Hank said, his concern showing.
“Hank, it’s not something I’m doing, but what my employer is doing and it’s important that I can trust you, my life depends on it,” Tiffany said.
“You’ve already said a lot, what makes you think you can trust me?”
“Women’s intuition, I guess, I just have a feeling about you,” Tiffany said.
“You’re right Tiffany, you can trust me, but if you’re doing anything wrong, I’ll arrest you no matter how I feel about you, I just want to make myself clear about that,” Hank said.
“I understand Hank and I’m not doing anything bad.”
“Tell me what your problem is and maybe I can help you. How serious is it?” he asked.
“It’s very serious and I think it involves the police department. Do you remember about a year ago a model named Natalia Breshnakov being murdered?” she asked.
“Of course I do. Every guy in the city was in love with her, why do you ask?”
“Because I work for the same modeling agency she did and I know for a fact that the woman in charge gives drugs to the girls. When they become hooked on them, she makes them prostitute themselves to pay for the drugs. Natalia was going to go to the police and she was murdered and the only people that knew she was going to talk were the police. I know Melissa, she’s the boss, is dating some guy that’s in charge of the drug detail and he gives her information about any raids or anything that might jeopardize what she is doing. That’s where you come in, I want to be able to go to the police without feeling that I will be killed, but I have to know who I can trust. Could you please find out if Melissa’s boyfriend is some fool in love with an evil woman, or part of what is going on?” Tiffany asked.
“You’re asking quite a lot Tiffany, I don’t even work at that station let alone in that division. What makes you think I can help you?” he asked.
Tiffany reached across the table and took Hank’s hand in hers. I can’t believe I’m doing this to persuade him she thought, I really am turning into a girl.
“Because I know you’re smart enough to do it for me,” she replied.
“I’ll try, but only for you,” Hank said, he couldn’t believe this beautiful woman had just persuaded him to turn against his fellow officers. The code had always been to protect your own and now he was going to break that code. Damn, why did she have to be so frigen pretty.
“Hank, I want you to be careful. If the wrong person finds out what you are doing, you could be in danger and I’d just die if anything happened to you,’ Tiffany said.
“I’ll be careful. Here’s our food. I’ll help you, but I don’t want to talk about it anymore, I just want to enjoy your beauty,” Hank said.
Tiffany was blushing. Hank was making her feel different than the other men she had dated. Other than Paul, men were for convenience, they were eye candy for her, an escort and even the kisses were superficial. They had felt nice, but there wasn’t anything to it. It was what was expected from a girl, so why was Hank making her feel this way? She was becoming self-conscious of every move she was making. She was acting like a teen aged girl on her first date.
Paul had made her feel special; she really cared deeply for him. He was kind and didn’t push her for more than what they had already done. Hank was different, he was exciting her in ways she didn’t know was possible. She was lusting for this man.
“Thank you Hank,” she said.
“Try a piece of this,” he said as he put his fork in her mouth.
He’s feeding me and I can’t stop looking in his eyes. God, he’s handsome, Tiffany thought.
“That was delicious. I should have taken a chance and gained a few pounds,” she said, as she attacked her salad.
“I can order some for you if you’d like?” he asked.
“Not in your life. I wouldn’t be able to eat for a week if I ate that. Thanks for the thought though,” Tiffany said.
A young girl approached their table with a pen and notebook in hand.
“Miss Rollins, may I have your autograph?” she asked.
“Of course, what’s your name?”
“Suzy,”
Tiffany took the notebook and wrote: to my friend Suzy, best always Tiffany Rollins.
“Thank you Miss Rollins.”
“You’re welcome Suzy.”
“Does that happen much?” Hank asked.
“All the time. I don’t understand it, but if they want an autograph it would be rude not to give it to them if they think enough of me to ask,” Tiffany said.
“If I ask you for a kiss, would you think it was rude not to give it to me?”
Tiffany felt her stomach grow tight with that question, and even more disturbing she blushed.
“A kiss means more than an autograph and it would be rude of you to ask for one. It should be given because both people want to give it,” Tiffany said.
“Point well taken and I hope you will want to in the future.”
“The future?”
“Of course the future. You don’t think this is the only time that I will want to see you?”
“I wasn’t sure. I thought this was just business,” Tiffany said.
“It is business, but there is no law against enjoying each other’s company,” Hank said.
“I guess you’re right. I’m finished with my salad, would you like to walk for a while?” Tiffany asked.
“Sure, let me take care of the bill, where would you like to go?”
“It’s a nice night for December, let’s find a place where we can get some dessert and coffee, I was a good girl and starved myself so I guess a few extra calories won’t hurt,” Tiffany said with a smile.
Hank helped Tiffany from her chair and she took his arm and pulled against him as they strolled out the door. Hank and Tiffany made a strikingly handsome couple as they walked by the well lit windows, displaying Christmas wares.
“Look at that beautiful dress,” Tiffany said as they paused to look at the creation.
“Don’t you see enough dresses when you’re working?” Hank asked.
“A girl can never see enough dresses,” Tiffany giggled.
Tiffany was surprising herself. Dresses were part of the disguise and she had never really been interested enough about them to take notice as to how they looked, but now she was stopping to look at one and wondered how she would look in it. Things were changing for this girl.
“Could we go in so I can try it on? It won’t take but a minute,” she asked.
“If you’re going to model it, I’d love to,” he replied.
The couple entered the store, and were greeted by the clerk, a stylish woman in her thirties.
“May I help you?” she asked.
“Yes, I’d like to try on the dress in the window,” Tiffany said.
“Why, you’re Tiffany Rollins aren’t you?” she asked.
“Yes, is there a problem?” Tiffany asked.
“Of course not, I’m surprised you’re in here that’s all. You are the Voss girl aren’t you?”
“Yes, but that doesn’t mean I can’t like a dress by another manufacturer, and Margaret specializes in business wear and this dress definitely isn’t business wear. I just want to try it on.”
“It would be our pleasure to have you model it for us.”
“I’m not modeling it. If I like it I might buy it, it’s so pretty,” Tiffany said.
“I hope we have your size, you’re so slender,” the clerk said.
The clerk found Tiffany’s size and handed her the dress and brought her to the changing room.
“If you need a hand I’ll be in front,” said the clerk. “Your boyfriend can have a seat by the shoes.”
“Thank you,” Tiffany said, and smiled at Hank with the clerks comment.
Tiffany took the dress, it felt so light in her hands and she could hardly wait to wear it. She removed her clothes including her bra exposing her glued on forms and then lowered the dress down over her head. She managed to zip the black satin fabric around her back, which hugged her figure and pushed her forms enough to create cleavage. Tiffany looked in the mirror and saw the swelling of flesh above the dress, it wasn’t much, but it was noticeable, her breasts were growing. A year of estrogen, no matter how slight, was doing that to her, how could she not have noticed. She had noticed an increase in the sensitivity of her nipples but hadn’t noticed an increase in size, but then again she rarely removed her forms. She felt afraid that she might be changing, and yet, in a small measure, she felt pleased that she was looking more like the girl she portrayed, and didn’t know why. Had the disguise lasted too long, she wondered?
Tiffany exited the dressing room and called the clerk.
“Excuse me, but my boots don’t go with this dress, do you have any heels that I might try?” she asked.
“That’s gorgeous, I have just the thing, what size do you wear?’
“Size ten, you know, big feet for a big girl,” Tiffany giggled.
“Ten isn’t that big, I’ll be right back.”
The clerk returned and handed Tiffany a pair of sling back pumps with four-inch stiletto heels, which she slipped on her feet. She was a vision to behold, any woman that saw her would die to have that dress and any man would drool to have her by his side.
‘Holy cow Tiffany, you're gorgeous,” Hank said.
“Thank you. I don’t look fat do I?”
“No, you don’t look fat. If I knew you better, I’d ask you to marry me right now. I’ve never seen anyone so pretty.”
“Thank you,” Tiffany said as she blushed with the compliment.
'Why am I blushing like this?' she wondered. Compliments are a dime a dozen in my business and yet when Hank says something nice it effects me. I don’t understand.
“That fits you perfectly, Miss Rollins. Would you like me to wrap it?”
“I’ll have to think about it. I’ll change before I can’t resist buying it. It is a lot of money,” Tiffany stated.
“I’m sure we could discount it for you. After all it would be a feather in our caps to have you in one of our designs,” the clerk said.
Tiffany changed back into her winter wear and hugged the dress to her face. She would be back and hoped it would still be here.
Hank and Tiffany continued walking until they found a small coffee shop that specialized in pastries. They ordered and just enjoyed each other’s company, chit- chatting about mostly nothing, but building Tiffany’s trust in Hank, he really was a nice man.
“May I drop you at home?” he asked after they had finished their dessert.
“I’d like that,” she answered.
Hank hailed a cab and opened the door for Tiffany to get in. He walked around and entered the other door. Tiffany gave the driver her address and the car drove off.
Hank reached over and put his arm around Tiffany’s shoulder. She snuggled against him, liking the strength he radiated by this gesture.
“Would it be rude to ask you for a kiss now?” he asked.
Tiffany blushed again, God why does he affect me so, she wondered.
“No, it wouldn’t,” she answered and turned her head to accept his lips.
The kiss lingered and for the first time since this whole thing started, Tiffany felt excitement for a man, she felt a yearning for this person, she felt like a woman.
Hank broke the kiss and looked deeply into Tiffany’s eyes. God, what a beautiful woman, he thought. I hope I don’t disappoint her. I would die if anything were to happen to her.
Tiffany felt Hank’s stare and her stomach tightened. She wanted to be kissed again and pulled his lips to hers. She was beginning to like this man way too much, but she didn’t care. She finally knew what Brenda was talking about and how she should embrace her femininity. This finally felt right.
The cab arrived at Tiffany’s apartment and Hank told the driver to wait. He walked her to the door and kissed her one more time before she went inside. This meeting would have a lasting effect on Tiffany and she didn’t care that it would.
Runway | Chapter 37:
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Chapter 37
Several days passed and Brenda went on her date with Preston. This time though she chose what to wear and it wasn’t slut wear, it was a dress with class. It was just a little sexy. It was a mid-thigh, lacy dress that showed enough cleavage to interest Preston, but not enough to look cheap. Brenda actually enjoyed herself and finished the evening the same way as the first time she dated Preston and true to everyone’s word it was becoming easier to perform her duties.
It was the day before Christmas and the whole staff, models included, met at the Universal offices to say goodbye for the holidays. Many of the girls were new to Brenda, as they had never come to the office. She came to the deduction that many of them were former models and now worked as prostitutes for Melissa. The expression in their eyes showed an emptiness from the constant drug use, and Brenda hoped she wouldn’t become like them.
“Tiffany, may I have a word with you?” Melissa asked.
“Yes Melissa?”
“One of the major TV stations has asked that you be part of their New Year’s Eve broadcast from Times Square and they want you at their studios December thirtieth for a rehearsal. It’s important that you make it. Can I count on you?” she asked.
“How exciting. Of course I can make it.”
“Good, I’m counting on you. What are you doing for the holidays?”
“I’m going with Brenda to California to spend time with her family.”
“That’s wonderful, now run along and ask Brenda to come here for a moment.”
Tiffany told Brenda that Melissa wanted to see her.
“Would you step into my office for a moment, Brenda?” Melissa asked.
“Yes, Melissa.”
“Please shut the door, I don’t want the other girls to see what we’re doing.”
Brenda shut the door and Melissa continued.
“Brenda, you’re very dear to me, sweetheart. I know you don’t use much of the candy I give you, so I want to give you part of the money you earned with Preston. I know he tips you handsomely, but I want you to feel more involved with what we’re doing. I don’t want you to feel as though you’re just an escort, but an attractive girl going out on a date. Just because your date happens to pay for your services, well, that’s part of what we do here. I feel guilty that I haven’t shared with you, so I’m going to give you half of what ever I make when you date someone, here, this is yours,” Melissa said as she handed Brenda an envelope.
Brenda opened it and saw many one hundred dollar bills, fifteen to be exact. So this is the kind of money she’s making, Brenda thought.
“Thank you Melissa, this is very kind of you,” Brenda said.
“Brenda you could become my most popular escort if you would like, all you have to do is say yes.”
“Melissa I told you I won’t feel comfortable unless your boyfriend can assure me that it’s safe and I won’t get in trouble,’ Brenda said.
“I’ll talk to him after the holidays, I’m sure we can work something out. I really want you to do this, word does get out, and there have been some requests for your services,” Melissa said.
“If I agree to this, I won’t do anything more that what I do with Preston,” Brenda said.
“Of course not dear, of course not,” Melissa replied. I’ll have this little slut fucking her brains out within the month, Melissa thought. Money is a wonderful motivator and she’ll be hooked on that just as well as drugs.
The party ended and everyone went their own way. Tiffany and Brenda had a plane to catch. They were soon on their way to California. It was time to relax for a few days.
Brenda rented a car and the girls were soon on their way to Brenda’s home. As Brenda turned down her street, Tiffany couldn’t help but notice all the lawns.
“The lawns are all green,” she said.
“Of course they’re green, they’re grass, silly.”
“I’m sorry. I’ve never seen grass in the winter. All I’ve ever seen is snow.”
“This is California and it’s winter. You might even get a sun tan,” Brenda giggled.
“All I brought was winter wear, what should I do?”
“We’ll go shopping. My mom will make us go anyway, and it’ll give you a chance to be in sunshine for a change.”
The girls arrived at Brenda’s home. It was just after sunset and the lights were on. Brenda knocked on the door and then opened it.
“Mom, it’s me, and Tiffany is with me,” she shouted.
Brenda could hear the shuffling of feet as her mother came into the entry hall. Brenda’s mother still wasn’t used to seeing her son looking like her daughter, but loved her just the same.
“Let me see my daughter, you’re just as pretty as I remember,” she said.
“Mom, this is Tiffany Rollins. She works with me, she’s a super-model. Tiffany this is my mom, Natalie Watson,” Brenda said.
“It’s nice to meet you Mrs. Watson,” Tiffany said and shook Natalie’s hand.
“It’s nice to meet you too, Tiffany. I’ve seen so much of you everywhere and you’re much prettier in person, and please call me Natalie,” she said.
“I will, thank you Natalie, and thank you for having me over the holidays,” Tiffany said.
“You’re more than welcome Tiffany. Our home has always been open to friends of our children. Let’s go in girls. I think it’s time for your father to meet you Brenda. He’s seen pictures, but it’s not the same as the real thing, and don’t worry, he’s come to accept that he has a daughter now. He’s in the family room watching some stupid football game,” Natalie said.
“Mom, I might be a girl now, but I still like football and the games aren’t stupid,” Brenda replied, sticking up for her father.
“I think they’re stupid too, I personally like hockey,” Tiffany said.
“Well duh, look at where you’re from. You even wondered why the grass was green,” Brenda laughed.
“You’re picking on me,” Tiffany whined and started laughing hysterically.
Brenda was taken back by her friend’s laugh. Dirk would have never laughed like this and yet Tiffany was almost rolling on the floor. She had definitely become a changed person and all of it for the good.
The girls and then Natalie entered the room. Brenda’s father was engrossed watching the game.
“Herman,” Natalie said, with no results, “Herman! Pay attention, Matt, I mean Brenda’s here with her friend.”
That statement had its results as Brenda’s dad’s head snapped to attention. He saw the two pretty girls looking at him and he wondered which one used to be his son, and then it was obvious, the cute short one had to be Matt. It was one thing to become a girl and another to grow six inches during the last year.
“You must be Brenda,” he said looking at Brenda.
“Yes daddy, it’s me. God, I was so worried that you might never recover. Can I hug you?” she asked.
“Yes, I would be hurt if you didn’t,” he said.
Brenda’s eyes filled with tears, as the tension of this moment was broken. Her father had accepted her. There was no more doubt as to what she would do in the near future, she was accepted and she could finish the journey to really become Brenda Watson.
Brenda went to her father and he took her in his arms. She was surprised by the strength he had, even after the accident. She laid her head on his shoulder and wept, God she loved her father so.
“What’s wrong sweetheart?” he asked.
“There’s nothing wrong daddy, it’s just a girl thing,” she said and held him tighter.
Herman liked his daughter holding him like this. It was different and strange for him and yet she felt soft and loving as she held him. Having a little girl was going to be a nice thing and being able to protect her from, well, whatever, made him feel good.
Brenda and Tiffany went back to the car and brought their bags inside the house and put them into the bedroom they would be sharing. Brenda’s brothers would be arriving later that evening and the Christmas celebration would be the next day.
“Mom, do you have anything to eat, I’m starving,” Brenda asked.
“Boy or girl, some things never change,” Natalie laughed. “In the fridge dear,” she shouted.
“Are you hungry?” Brenda asked Tiffany.
“A little, what do you have?”
“Cold cuts and cheese. I see a sandwich in our future. Here take the mayo and I’ll grab the bread,” Brenda said.
Brenda made a sandwich for both the girls and they sat at the table to eat.
“Your mom and dad are very nice,” Tiffany said.
“They are special. I was so worried about all of this,” Brenda said waving her hands toward herself, “But they embraced it after they got to know the new me, and to be honest I was surprised, even my brothers are cool with it.”
“You’re very lucky to have a family that can love you for who you are and not how you look,” Tiffany said as her eyes began to tear.
“What’s wrong Tiff?” Brenda asked.
“I was thinking of my family and how they are reacting about this whole thing. They didn’t even want me to come home for Christmas. I explained that it was just a disguise, but they didn’t care. As long as I look like a woman they don’t want me in their home,” she said.
“It’s their loss then, you’ve become one of the sweetest persons I’ve ever known, man or woman and I love you dearly Tiffany,” Brenda said.
Brenda went to her friend and held her tight. Even though she had become one of the most popular models in the world, she was still an insecure little girl and she needed some one to hold onto right now or her life would be set adrift.
Brenda heard the front door open and close and then heard her brother’s voices in the entry, “Mom, we’re here.”
“Come on Tiffany, I’ll introduce you to my brothers,” Brenda said and pulled her friend by the hand to meet her brothers.
“Brenda! How’s my little sister?” asked Mel.
“I’m fine and I want you to meet my friend, Tiffany. These two beasts are my brothers, Mel and Mark. Guys, this is Tiffany,” Brenda said.
The boys thought their sister was hot, but she paled in comparison to Tiffany and they just stood there with their mouths open.
“Don’t be rude boys, say hello,” Natalie said.
“It’s very nice to meet you Tiffany,” Mel said.
“Wow, it sure is,” Mark said.
“It’s nice to meet you too,” Tiffany replied.
“I didn’t know my sister had such good looking friends,” Mel said.
“Leave her alone Mel, she’s here to relax and not to have some horny guy chasing after her,” Brenda giggled.
“But she looks familiar,” Mark said.
“She should, she’s in all those Sunstar ads you guys drool over,” Brenda said.
“Hey now I remember, and you’re going to be staying in the room next to mine? Wow, this is the best Christmas present ever,” Mel laughed.
“You guys are too much. Come on Tiffany, let’s finish eating,” Brenda said.
“Your brothers are funny, I like them,” Tiffany said.
“I guess, they do grow on you after a while,” Brenda said.
The brothers followed the girls into the kitchen.
“Hey Brenda, make us a sandwich too, please,” Mel asked.
“Do it yourself. Tiffany and I are already eating,” she replied.
“Pretty please, I’ll love you forever,” he pleaded.
“I’ll make them for you,” Tiffany said.
“See, you should take a lesson from your friend, sis,” Mel said.
“If she knew you as well as I do she wouldn’t be so nice,” replied Brenda.
“Come on, you know you love us,” Mark said.
“I’ll help you Tiffany, if I don’t I’ll never hear the end of it,” Brenda laughed.
The girls made the sandwiches and the boys joined them to eat.
“How long are you staying this time, Brenda?” asked Mark.
“Until the twenty-ninth. Tiffany has to be back by the thirtieth, she’s going to be on the broadcast from Times Square on New Year's Eve and has a rehearsal,” Brenda said.
“We’re not going back until a couple of days past Christmas, so would you like to hang out with us? We might be able to surf if the weather stays nice,” Mel asked.
“That sounds like fun. What about you Tiff, shall we?”
“I guess, but I’m not going to surf, I don’t know how,” Tiffany replied.
“I’d be more than happy to teach you,” Mel said.
“No, I’ll keep my feet on dry land, thank you, and we have to shop for some clothes for me, remember Brenda?”
“We’ll do that the day after Christmas and then the following day I can go surfing. I have to get a wetsuit since I don’t think my old ones will fit anymore, they’re too small in all the wrong places,” Brenda said.
“You’re sure right about that sis,” Mel laughed.
The conversation continued well into the early morning and the girls finally went to their room and a well needed rest. They were exhausted since their bodies were still on New York time.
Christmas day came and Brenda’s family celebrated that afternoon with dinner and gifts. Brenda received a new wet suit from her brothers so she wouldn’t have to shop for one later.
“Thank you so much guys. How did you know this was what I wanted?” she asked.
“After the last time we saw you it was pretty easy to figure out that you weren’t going to fit in your old suit and we miss surfing with you, so merry Christmas, Brenda,” Mark said.
“I love you guys, thank you,” Brenda said.
The following day Natalie took the girls shopping and Tiffany bought enough warm weather clothing to last the rest of the week, including a dress for that night, as the boys had talked the girls into going out for some fun.
“Brenda,” Natalie called, “Look at this on the news.”
Natalie was watching the local news on television and a story interested her.
“What mom?” Brenda said.
“Watch this story, it’s about a model that was murdered yesterday in San Francisco. Maybe you know her,” Natalie said.
“Mom, just because she’s a model doesn’t mean I would know her. What happened?” Brenda asked.
“She was stabbed thirty-three times with a knife.”
“That sounds more like a rage killing than what we’re doing, ours is all about drugs, not murder. I’ll bet the local cops find the killer and it’ll be some guy that got angry because she wouldn’t go to bed with him,” Brenda said.
“You’re probably right, let’s eat dinner,” Natalie said.
After everyone had finished dinner, it was time to get ready.
“Where are we going?” Brenda asked.
“To a new club up in San Luis Obispo. A friend of mine says it’s great, and has lots of single girls,” Mel replied.
“Well goody, goody, just what I want, lots of single girls. What are Tiffany and I supposed to do?” Brenda asked.
“Meet some guys?”
“I don’t want to meet some guys; I just want to have fun. Can’t you and Mark stay with Tiffany and me?”
“God Brenda, what brother wants to spend time with his sister and her friend?” Mel asked.
“Please Mel, I don’t want a bunch of guys hitting on me,” Brenda whined.
“We’ll protect you. Don’t worry, okay?”
“You’d better, or I swear I’ll have Tiffany beat you up.”
“I couldn’t be that lucky, Mel laughed.
“Then I’ll do it,” Brenda snapped at Mel.
“You just put the fear of God in me. Don’t worry you will be fine.”
Brenda and Tiffany went to get ready.
“What are you going to wear, Tiffany?” Brenda asked.
“I was going to wear the dress I found today, but then I remembered that I brought a bebe dress with me and the shoes that go with it. I’ll show you,” Tiffany said.
Tiffany pulled a black bubble dress from her luggage and held it for Brenda to see.
“Oh my God, that’s hot. I hope I can find something half as nice to wear,” Brenda said.
Brenda looked through her clothing she left the last time she visited and found the dress she was looking for. It was a pink mini dress with a fitted bodice, spaghetti straps and an open back. Brenda wasn’t going to be outdone by her friend.
The girls helped each other with their makeup and soon were ready to leave with Brenda’s brothers.
“Hey, are you girls ready? We don’t have all night, you know,” Mel yelled.
“We’re coming, let me get a sweater,” Brenda yelled back.
Tiffany was the first to enter the room. You could hear the boy’s teeth rattle as their mouths dropped open, she was gorgeous. Tiffany was wearing a black bubble dress with a halter top gathered above her breasts with a large gold bangle and the hem stopped several inches above mid thigh exposing her shapely legs. Her four-inch translucent wedge sandals added to the effect with the tiny ankle strap drawing attention to her shapely calves. Now they knew why she had become a super model. Either brother would be honored to be able to escort the beauty.
Brenda entered next and she looked hot. Her dress was as short as Tiffany’s and hers exposed her cleavage as well as her back. Only the guys reaction was a little different with Brenda.
“Holy shit, Brenda, you can’t go out looking like that, you’re our sister,” Mel said.
“Why not? Don’t I look good?”
“You look too good, you’ll have guys all over you looking like that,” Mark said.
“That’s the idea,” Brenda said.
“We’ll have to stay with you all night or some guy might, well you know,” Mark said.
“Gosh what a pity that you won’t be able to dump me like last time, and if you do, I’m sure Tiffany and I will find something to do. Oh and by the way, close your mouths or you might catch flies,” Brenda giggled.
“I get to be with Tiffany, because I’m taller than you, Mel,” Mark said.
“You mean I’m stuck with our sister? That’s not fair,” Mel whined.
Just then Natalie entered the room and saw the girls. Tiffany looked as though she had just stepped out of the bebe catalogue and her daughter looked as though she was after every guy in town. She knew her daughter was cute, but now she realized just how sexy she was too.
“Girls, you be careful, and boys, don’t you dare leave them alone. If anything happens to them, I’ll hold you responsible,” she said.
“Yes mom,” they replied.
The guys escorted the girls to the car. They weren’t going to leave the boy’s sight for one second after the warning their mother gave them..
“Tiffany, you sit in front with me, your legs are too long to fit in back. Brenda, sit in the rear seat with Mel, I’ll drive,” Mark said.
Forty minutes later, they arrived at the new club and Mark stopped in front so the girls could exit the car and not have to walk too far in their heels.
Mel exited and opened the doors for both girls. The guys thought it would be best if Mel stayed with them, or there might be trouble. Every guy with a view of the women couldn’t help but stare at the beauties and it didn’t take long for word to spread that the famous Tiffany Rollins was going to be at the club tonight with some foxy friend.
Mark parked the car and joined his brother and the girls as they entered the club. They found an empty table and the guys held the girls chairs for them as they sat. It wasn’t but a minute before Tiffany’s fans lined up for autographs, it was going to be a long evening.
Tiffany didn’t mind taking care of her duties, after all, if they didn’t want her signature it would mean that her popularity had gone and she would be just another model. She had grown to love the notoriety she was receiving, and she liked being a star.
Her duties done, the guys asked the girls to dance. Mel even liked being seen with his sister, he only wished she wasn’t family. The evening continued and much to the surprise of the boys they were having a wonderful time with the girls and what the heck it was kind of cool having a sister with hot looking friends. The hardest part of the evening was keeping the girls to themselves, as the other men in the club weren’t shy about asking the girls to dance. Luckily there wasn’t any incident that was bad and soon the couples had returned home.
“Thanks for a wonderful evening, Tiffany,” Mark said.
“I had fun, goodnight Mark,” Tiffany said.
“Thanks for being a nice brother Mel, I had fun too,” Brenda said.
“Me too, you’re pretty cool for a sister, goodnight girls,” Mel said.
The girls went into their room and removed their clothing and makeup.
“Your brother is very nice, and cute too,” Tiffany said.
“He is nice, but I don’t know about the cute part.”
“He is cute and I would have kissed him goodnight if he had asked.”
“You wanted to kiss my brother? Eww, is this really the Tiffany I know?” Brenda asked.
“What’s wrong with that?”
“What’s wrong with that? Miss 'I don’t want a man to touch me'?” Brenda said.
“Things are different now, I’ve changed, that’s all,” Tiffany said.
“You have and I like it. Please stay my girl friend.”
“I will. Goodnight Brenda.”
“Goodnight Tiff.”
The following day found the guys and girls at the beach. Brenda wanted to try her new wet suit and she missed surfing. Tiffany wasn’t about to try surfing, so she just sat around looking pretty wearing white shorts and a light blue tube top. It was unseasonably warm for this time of year, even for California and Tiffany was going to enjoy the sun.
Brenda had paddled out to the break and waited for the right swell to come to her. She paddled to catch the wave and tried to stand and promptly found herself under water. Crap, she thought, that was an easy wave, how could I have not been able to ride it? She recovered and tried again with the same results. She became frustrated not being able to stand on her board. What in the heck is wrong with me, I’ve always been able to ride these waves when I was Matt, so there is no reason why I shouldn’t be able to ride them now.
“Hey Brenda, what’s wrong. Don’t know how to surf?” Mel laughed after watching his sister’s predicament.
“I don’t get it, I was always the best surfer of all of us and now I can’t even get up. I don’t know what’s wrong,” she said.
“I think I know what might be causing your distress, dear sister,” Mel said.
“What’s that?” she asked.
“Your balance is different now.”
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“You have boobs. Didn’t you notice that you were falling over the front of your board?” he asked.
Brenda felt like a fool. Why hadn’t she thought of that? Of course her balance was different she had boobs and her ass was bigger. She would have to learn how to surf all over again.
“Thanks Mel, I forgot I had them,” she giggled somewhat embarrassed.
Brenda practiced and soon was cutting the waves like she used to. She missed being able to surf when she wanted to. She would find a place to surf when she returned to New York.
The rest of the time passed quickly and the girls returned to New York, there was work to be done.
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Chapter 38
Tiffany went to her rehearsal and Brenda relaxed at home, her muscles were sore from the small amount of surfing she had done and realized how out of shape she was. Being a girl had become easy, but being a girl in shape was going to take some work. Brenda was startled from her thoughts by a knock at her door.
“Annie!” she cried.
“Brenda, sweetheart, how was your trip?” Annie asked.
“It was wonderful Annie, we had so much fun. I really miss my family. How was your Christmas?” Brenda asked.
“We had a nice time, it was a little sad because of the baby, but things are getting better. I hate to bother you because I know you’re tired from the trip, but some guy came by to see you, he said he couldn’t reach you on your cell phone,” Annie said.
“I forgot my charger and the battery died. Did he say what he wanted?” Brenda asked.
“No, he just asked me to tell you to call him when you returned. He said his name was Bill something.”
“Bill Cline?”
“Yes that’s the one, who is he? He looks kind of creepy,” Annie said.
“He’s really quite nice, he’s just a guy from work. I’ll give him a call, thanks Annie.”
“You're welcome sweetheart. If you’re not doing anything later come by for a cup of tea, I miss talking to you.”
“I’d like that. I’ll see you later, Annie.”
Brenda went to her phone and called Bill Cline at his office. She reached his answering machine.
“This is Bill, leave a message,”
“Hi Bill, this is Brenda. Sorry my phone died, but I’m back, so give me a call at home or on my cell, bye.”
Brenda wondered what could be so important that Bill would have come to her apartment. Maybe they had solved the case and she could get on with her life.
Brenda decided to take a shower and would visit Annie when she was finished. Brenda dressed after her shower and noticed the message light was blinking on her answering device, it must be Bill she thought.
She pushed the message button and listened, “Hi Brenda, it’s Melissa. Give me a call on my cell, I need to talk to you,” click and the message ended.
“Shit,” Brenda swore, she didn’t want anything to do with Melissa right now, but she knew she had to call her because she had to continue to gain her trust.
“Hello,” Melissa said.
“Hi Melissa, its Brenda. You called while I was in the shower. What can I do for you?” Brenda asked.
“Oh sweetheart, I’m so glad you called, I have a really big favor to ask of you. One of my clients just flew into town and he’s attending a seminar and wants to see a play afterward and needs a date. There’s no sex involved, he just wants some company and it’s a way for you to make fifteen hundred dollars, what do you say?”
“God Melissa I just got home. When does he want to see me?”
“Tomorrow night, please Brenda, I really need you,” Melissa pleaded.
“Alright, I’ll do it, but I really need to talk to your police friend before I do much more of this.”
“I’ll take care of it dear, and thank you. I’ll have a taxi by at seven to pick you up, and dress nice if you know what I mean.”
Brenda lowered her phone. How did she get into this mess anyway? Undercover wasn’t anything like she thought it would be. It was degrading and dangerous and what was worse, once you were in it was almost impossible to get out. Some of what had occurred was exciting, but having to do what she did made her sick.
Her ringing cell broke her train of thought.
“Hello,” she said.
“Brenda, its Bill. I’m sorry I came by your apartment, but I was worried because you didn’t answer your phone,” Bill said.
“I’m sorry Bill, I was in California and I forgot my charger. Why didn’t you call Tiffany, she was with me?” Brenda asked.
“You forgot to tell me she would be with you, so I didn’t try. We got the results of the last batch from Melissa and found a match to it. It was from a recent bust in upper Manhattan, so it’s becoming apparent that someone is stealing it from the lockup and providing it to Melissa.”
“Do you have a clue as to who it might be?” Brenda asked.
“Not yet, but there aren’t a lot of people with access to the drugs, so I don’t think it will be much longer before we have an answer,” Bill said.
“I hope so. I have to go on another date for Melissa and I really don’t like doing that, so please hurry,” Brenda said.
“We will, just be patient.”
“I’ll try, goodnight Bill,” Brenda said and disconnected her phone.
Brenda spent the rest of the evening with Annie, it felt good to be home and it felt good to be talking to her friend again. Annie made Brenda feel clean and like a proper young woman and she needed this after talking to Melissa. She always felt like she needed a shower after any contact with her.
Brenda readied herself the next day for her date and knew what was expected of her, dress sexy and look hot. She was ready five minutes before the taxi arrived. Her date was pretty much as what Melissa had described until the no sex part came into play.
Her date, Donald had pretty much behaved himself during the play, there was some touching, but not too much. However, he did expect a drink in his room afterward.
When the hotel door closed his hands went right to Brenda’s breast and he wasn’t being gentle.
“Stop that,” Brenda shouted as she pulled his hands away.
“Hey, I paid a lot of money to be with you tonight and I expect something in exchange. Do I make myself clear?”
“Melissa said there would be no sex,” Brenda said.
“Melissa was wrong,” he stated.
“That’s not what you paid for. You paid to escort me and that’s all.”
“Bitch, how much extra is that going to cost me?” he asked.
“One thousand and I only give head,” she said.
“Fine. Here’s your money, now take care of me,” he ordered.
Brenda lowered his trousers and underwear. She took his penis in her hand and stroked it to erection and put it in her mouth. Brenda was learning her trade and soon brought the man to climax. She jumped from the bed and spit his cum in the sink.
“The least you could do is swallow it for that kind of money,” Donald said.
“I don’t think so,” Brenda said with disgust.
“You were good though, give me a little more time and I’ll get hard again and then I’ll be able to fuck your face real good,” he said.
“Forget that, I’m out of here. You got what you wanted and I’m not going to let you treat me like some piece of trash,” Brenda said as she walked out of the door into the hallway.
Brenda went home. She didn’t know how much more of this she could take, it was one thing to have to give a blow job to a stranger and quite another to have him treat her like shit. She was going to talk to Melissa about this.
Brenda stayed home New Year’s eve and spent the time with Annie watching the revelries on TV. She didn’t want to be around a lot of people, and as much as she hated doing it, told Mario that she didn’t feel well. As much as she loved him, she didn’t want a man touching her just yet.
“Annie look,” she said, “That’s my friend Tiffany, she’s part of the broadcast.”
“How exciting, she’s such a pretty girl. I think she sounds better than the regular announcers,” Annie said.
“I think you’re right, that girl’s going to go a long way,” Brenda replied.
“I’ve seen her in the car ads and she could be an actress if she wanted, she’s very good,” Annie said.
“Yes, she is, and she’s such a nice girl. I love her dearly,” Brenda said.
“She’s lucky to have a friend like you. You’re a wonderful girl too, Brenda.”
“Thank you Annie, oh it’s midnight. Happy New Year, Annie. Thank you for being my friend,” Brenda said.
“The same to you, dear. Happy New Year.”
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Chapter 39
The day after New Year found Brenda back at her desk fielding calls about Tiffany. Everyone wanted her, clothing designers and the networks were all calling. She was to become a star.
Melissa finally dragged her sorry ass through the door with an obvious hangover.
“Are there any calls?” she asked.
“About fifty and they’re all about Tiffany. I don’t think anyone in the business hasn’t called,” Brenda said.
“Give me the numbers and I’ll see if I can find the energy to call them.”
Brenda handed Melissa the paper message slips and she snatched them from her hand.
“Melissa, I need to talk to you and I don’t want to wait until later,” Brenda said.
“Brenda, I feel like hell right now. Can’t it wait?” Melissa asked.
“No, it can’t.”
“All right, come in my office.”
Brenda followed Melissa into her office and closed the door.
“Melissa, you promised me that I wouldn’t have to have sex with Donald on our date so I agreed to go. After the play he demanded that I do something with him, and that wasn’t part of the deal.”
“What did you have to do to him?” Melissa asked.
“I had to suck him off.”
“Did he pay you anything extra?”
“Yes, I wasn’t going to do it for free,” Brenda said.
“Good, never give it away. I’m sorry he didn’t say anything to me about sex, but I’m glad you kept him happy.”
“What if he was a cop? I would have been arrested for prostitution. I really need some assurances from your friend before I do this again.”
“Are you saying you’ll continue as long as he talks to you?”
“Yes, but not until then,” Brenda said.
“Was it hard for you to do?” Melissa asked.
“You were right, it does become easier, it’s just part of the job, I worry about going to jail more than doing it, so please talk to your friend,” Brenda said.
“I’ll call him right away. Maybe he’ll see you tonight,” Melissa said.
“Thanks,” Brenda said and left the room.
Brenda wondered why she kept getting herself in deeper. She should have said that she would only see Preston and that was all, but now she had as much said that she would be a full time escort if she met with Melissa’s friend. How stupid could she be?
Melissa called her friend and to talk.
“Hi, it’s me. I need you to talk to Brenda. She’s worried that she might go to jail for what she’s doing. I want you to see her tonight and tell her not to worry. She’s starting to become more comfortable with the sex part of the job and I don’t want her to change her mind. She’s going to be a real money maker. I just wish she would use more drugs. I hate having to give her so much money,” Melissa said.
There was a pause and the she said. “Good, I’ll let her know.”
Melissa walked to her office door and opened it.
“Brenda, my friend will be here at six to talk to you, so don’t go anywhere after work,” Melissa said.
“Yes Melissa,” Brenda answered.
Brenda was wearing a blouse and a short skirt, the blouse was unbuttoned enough to show some cleavage. She was proud of the handy work the doctors had performed on her, and hate to completely cover them.
Melissa’s boyfriend entered the office at six sharp and smiled at Brenda. He was a tall man in his late forties, but very handsome. Brenda could see why Melissa was drawn to the man. He had a certain look when you saw him, almost like a tiger waiting to mate with his pride. He was scary and yet something drew Brenda to him.
“You must be Brenda,” he said, “I’m Arnold Bratton, Melissa asked me to come and see you.”
Arnold extended his hand and Brenda placed hers in his, it was almost as though she couldn’t resist his magnetic attraction.
“It’s nice to meet you,” she said.
Arnold couldn’t help noticing Brenda’s cleavage. Melissa had nice breasts, but they were rather small. Brenda’s were much nicer and he felt his penis twitch as he looked at her.
“Is Melissa here?” he asked.
“No, she had to go to a show and asked that you meet her there after you’re done talking to me,” Brenda replied.
“We’re alone then,” he said.
“Yes,” she answered. Brenda felt herself becoming uneasy with Arnold’s stares and yet she was being drawn to his animal magnetism. No man had ever affected her this way.
“Let’s go into Melissa’s office where it’s more private,” he said.
Brenda numbly followed him into Melissa’s office like a lamb to slaughter. She felt herself being seduced and he hadn’t even touched her. God, he was sexy.
“Sit next to me on the couch, Brenda. I want to assure you that you are perfectly safe with me and you have nothing to fear.’
Brenda sat on the couch and felt Arnold move next to her until their thighs touched. She could feel the heat radiating from his pant leg as it touched her soft skin. It felt good.
“Brenda, I’ll get straight to the point. Melissa wants me to assure you that nothing is going to happen to you if you keep working as an escort for her and I’ll guarantee that you will be safe,” he said as he softly stroked her arm.
“Are you sure I’ll be safe?” she asked softly as she felt her body yielding to his advances.
“I know you will. I’m her partner and I never let anything happen to our girls, especially to one as special as you,” he said as his hand came to rest on her breast.
Brenda felt his finger touch her nipple and it grew hard. How could this man have seduced her so easily, she wondered as her hand touched his growing penis. This was the first time she had wanted, no needed to have a penis in her mouth. She undid his pants and pulled them down and lowered his underwear. His hand was rubbing her breast softly and she moaned and lowered her head and took his thing in her mouth and made love to it. She was kissing and licking it and took it as far into her mouth as she could worshiping the flesh as she did. Arnold knew how to make love to a woman and he was doing everything to keep Brenda at her highest arousal. He finally came in her mouth and she sucked until there was no more to give. She felt her body tense and then she had her first female orgasm and felt the fire rip through her body as she swallowed his load, Brenda was in lust.
Arnold couldn’t believe what Brenda had just done, it was the best blowjob he had ever had. God, she was good.
“Brenda that was perfect. I know you can do the same for some of our clients, can’t you?” he asked.
“Yes, I will,” she said dreamily.
“That’s my girl, I have to go now, Melissa’s waiting for me, and thank you for a job well done.”
Arnold fixed his pants and left. Brenda wondered what had just happened, she was still in a state of bliss and started to realize what had just occurred. She had had orgasm and it was different from when she was a boy, it was better and she had swallowed. She was conflicted, she should be disgusted with herself, but she felt no shame for what she had done, she almost felt pleased about her performance, Brenda was growing into her role too easily and she might not be able to leave it behind.
Brenda went home and thought about what Arnold had said, he was Melissa’s partner in the escort business, so it only made sense that he must be the supplier of the drugs too. She also wondered if she could trust what he had promised her. He had seduced her in his girlfriend’s office without a second thought. She hadn’t even tried to resist his advances, in fact she had wanted them. What’s wrong with me, she wondered. Am I turning into some kind of sex starved slut? Brenda’s stomach turned at that thought, the bastard knew exactly what he was going to do to me, and I let it happen. Brenda finally knew how low she had gone for the investigation. She had become like the bad guys. This thing had to end, or she might not ever be the nice girl who came to New York, again. She would have to set up a meeting with Bill Cline and plan some sort of strategy.
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Chapter 40
Brenda met Bill two days later at Danny’s restaurant.
“How’s my favorite girl?” Danny asked when she walked in.
“I’m just fine Danny, and you?” she asked.
“I’m fine now that you’re here.”
“Always the flirt, Danny. I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Brenda said, the sarcasm dripping in her voice.
Danny could see a change in his friend. Her innocence had disappeared, and had been replaced with a hardness he hadn’t noticed before.
“Meeting your friend again?”
“Yes, and this might be the last time, we’ll see.”
“I hope it’s not. I’d really like to see you again,” he said.
“I’d like that Danny, I learned a lot about myself thanks to you,” Brenda said.
Bill walked in at that point so Danny would have to wait.
“Hi Bill, lets take that table over there, it’s private,” Brenda said.
Bill and Brenda sat at the table and Brenda started.
“Bill, Melissa’s boyfriend told me he’s her partner in the escort thing and as far I can tell he’s probably the source of her drugs,” she said.
“Well hi to you too Brenda, are we in rush or something?” he asked.
“Yes I am. I’m the one that has to go out on dates because of this bullshit, and I don’t want to get started with that if I don’t have to,’ she said.
Brenda’s tone of voice left no doubt as to her state of mind concerning the investigation
“Sorry Brenda, so Melissa’s boyfriend told you he’s her partner?” Bill asked.
“Yes.”
“Why would he do that?” he asked.
“I told Melissa the only way I would be an escort was to have his assurance that I wouldn’t be going to jail.”
“And he bought that?” he asked.
“Every bit of it. How do you want to proceed from here?” Brenda asked.
“I guess we start watching him. We need someone inside and I don’t know how we will be able to put a new face in his department without being noticed.”
“Tiffany has a friend that might be able to help. What about the rest?”
“I can have him followed when he’s not at work, but you’ll have to take care of Melissa.”
“That should be easy. I’ve gained her trust so she’ll be fine when I’m around.”
“Good, I think we might be able to sew this thing up in a month or so. Watch your back Brenda these people will do anything to protect their investment,” Bill said.
“I will, but I don’t know if I can last for a month. Hopefully we’ll find a link to Natalia’s murder,” Brenda said.
“I doubt we will, but there is always a chance. I have to go now, I have a date and not with mom,” Bill chuckled.
“Have a nice time Bill, I’ll talk to you later,” Brenda said.
“Did you eat?” Danny asked as Brenda walked to the bar.
“Not yet, I thought I would stick around and have a bite with you, if you don’t mind?”
“Are you kidding, I truly miss you Brenda. I’ve grown to like you more than just as a friend over the last six months,” Danny said.
“You’ve become special to me too Danny, I really like you a lot,” she said as she took his hand and held it.
“When all this business stuff is over will you come back to visit on occasion?” he asked.
“I’d like that Danny.”
Brenda ate a light dinner and kissed Danny goodbye. She almost wanted to stay and knew what would happen if she did. She wanted to feel Danny hold her again. Danny made her feel safe, and why was a mystery to her. She was in love with Mario, but there was something about Danny that made her feel secure. Maybe it was because he was her first sexual encounter and had given herself to him, and that was making her feel the way she did.
Brenda had become a different person than the one that moved to New York six months ago. She still loved Mario dearly, but how could she be the same with him after all she had done in this investigation. If he knew half of what she had done it would be over between them, not to mention what was going to happen when he found out she was an FBI agent and had investigated him. Many things were swirling in Brenda’s head and none of them pleasant.
The following week Melissa sent Brenda on a date every night, she wanted to get her moneys worth from the girl and Brenda was falling further into her deception.
Mario was beginning to wonder why Brenda had no time for him. He knew she had long hours, but he missed his love and they needed to talk.
Mario walked into the office to make his customary delivery.
“Hi sweetheart,” Brenda said.
“Hi, how are you doing?” he asked.
“Fine, what’s up?” she asked.
“Nothing much, but we have to talk about us, I miss seeing you and I would like you to spend some time with me instead of Melissa,” Mario said.
“I’m sorry Mario, I know I’ve been avoiding you but it’s not like I want to. It’s just that Melissa has all these duties for me to perform and I haven’t even had time for myself. Please don’t be angry with me,” Brenda said.
“I’m not angry with you; I just miss you that’s all. I know I’m being selfish but you’re my girlfriend and we should spend more time together and that’s why I need to know what’s going on with you,” Mario said.
“Why don’t we have dinner tonight and we’ll talk this thing out. I don’t want to lose you Mario, you know I love you,” she said.
“There’s more to a relationship than love Brenda, it’s spending time together. I’ll pick you up after you get off work,” Mario said as he left.
“Brenda, I have another date for you this evening,” Melissa said as she walked through the door.
“Melissa, I’ve been on a date every night this week and I have something I have to do tonight, so you’ll have to find some one else,” Brenda said.
“But you’re my most popular escort Brenda. Think of the money you won’t earn,” she said.
“Melissa, I need a break. I just can’t do it tonight,” Brenda said.
“Alright, I get Connie to do it, but my customer won’t be happy,” Melissa groused.
“I’m sorry Melissa, I’ll make up for it. I just can’t do it tonight,” Brenda said.
“I’ll remember that,” Melissa said as she walked into her office.
Brenda knew Melissa would remember. She liked having people owe her and took advantage of it when they did.
Mario showed up on time and escorted his girlfriend to a small restaurant several blocks from where Brenda worked. They found a secluded table so they wouldn’t be bothered while they talked.
“Thank you for asking me out Mario, I’ve missed you,” Brenda said, to break the ice.
“I’m glad you could make it, I was beginning to think you didn’t want to see me anymore,” he said.
“Mario, if it was up to me, I’d spend every moment of every day with you. You have no idea of how much I love you,” Brenda said with a tear in her eye.
“Then why have you been avoiding me?” he asked.
“It’s a long story and a lot of it I can’t tell you about. It’s too private and before I tell you what I am going to, I want you to know I never did anything to hurt you. I love you too much for that, but I’ve had to do things I’m not proud of but they had to be done,” Brenda said. “You have to promise me that what ever I tell you will go no further than here. You can’t tell your family or anyone else, my life depends on it. Can I trust you?”
“Of course you can trust me, but what could be so secretive that I would have to make a promise like that?” he asked.
“You’ll see. The first thing you have to know is that I’m not who I seem to be, oh, I am the receptionist at the agency that you know, but the reason I have that job is that I’m an undercover FBI agent investigating drug trafficking being conducted by Melissa and her group. Everyone with any contact with Universal had to be investigated, even you. Having to look into your past was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. You’re probably asking yourself why I’m telling you this now, and why I trust you. It’s because we know where the drugs are coming from and it’s not from you. Secondly I trusted you from the minute I met you even though the agency investigated you I had nothing to do with that. I couldn’t tell you any of this until now and even now I shouldn’t but I love you too much to keep this secret from you, I hope you can forgive me,” Brenda said.
“You had me investigated?” Mario asked, with an edge in his voice.
“I didn’t, the FBI did. I’m sorry, but you weren’t the only one to be looked at,” Brenda said.
“But why me?” he asked.
“Because you deliver packages everyday and you had that incident in Colombia,” she said.
“I told you that in confidence. How could you tell someone else about that?”
“I didn’t tell anyone, the FBI has known about what happened to you for years so don’t go blaming me,” Brenda said as the uneasiness of the conversation was beginning to show in her voice.
“You could have at least warned me,” Mario said.
“And how was I going to do that? Tell you that I was an undercover agent not knowing whether you were a good guy or not and have you kill me? Think about it Mario, I couldn’t tell you even if I wanted to, it would have put my life in danger,” Brenda said.
“I’m sorry Brenda, but this whole thing pisses me off. I can’t believe you did this to me, what else aren’t you telling me?” Mario asked with obvious agitation in his voice.
“There are things about the investigation I can’t tell you about until it’s over, but they have nothing to do with you,” Brenda said.
“How do I know that? You’ve already lied to me. How do I know you’re not lying now?” asked Mario.
“Because I love you and I won’t lie to you again,” she responded.
“I’m sorry Brenda, but I don’t know if I can trust you. How do I know this isn’t just a game you’re playing with me,” Mario asked.
“You don’t, either you trust me, or you don’t, it’s as simple as that. If you can’t, maybe we shouldn’t be together,” Brenda said as her eyes began to water.
“You’re right, maybe we shouldn’t be together. Goodbye Brenda,” Mario hissed through clenched teeth.
Mario rose from the table and walked from the restaurant without a glance back to Brenda. If he had he would have seen the devastation on her face and the tears flowing from her eyes as he walked away.
Mario felt betrayed by Brenda’s admission of investigating his life and the secrecy of hers and he was upset that he couldn’t accept that what she had done was part of her job. Breaking up was his way of getting back at her, he would show her by spiting himself, she’d be sorry.
Brenda sat for several minutes trying to hide her tears, but to no avail. How could this have gone so wrong? I was honest with him and he leaves? Maybe Mario wasn’t the man I thought he was, Brenda thought.
“Are you okay miss?” the server asked.
“No, I just want to be left alone,” she replied.
Brenda was able to gather herself and leave to go home. She finally arrived at her front door and Annie was there to greet her.
“Brenda, my word, what’s wrong?” she asked.
That was the final button to be pushed that sent her over the edge, she dissolved in tears.
“Mario and I broke up,” she wailed.
Annie brought her inside and they sat on Annie’s sofa. Annie held her friend until she ran out of tears.
“You poor dear, tell me what happened?” Annie asked as she held her girl friend.
“Mario and I had a fight and he walked away from me, he didn’t even look back,” she sniffled.
“What could have been so bad that he would walk away from a sweet girl like you?” Annie asked.
“It was because of my job,” Brenda answered.
“Your job? What could be so bad about your job? How much trouble could a receptionist get into?” she asked.
“Annie, I’m not really a receptionist. I work as one, but I’m really an undercover FBI agent and I had to look into Mario’s background and now he hates me,” Brenda said and the tears started all over again.
Annie held her girl, she had come to think of Brenda as more than just a friend, she had become a surrogate daughter and she hated seeing her like this.
“I would think he would be proud of you for having such a dangerous job. Did he do something wrong?” Annie asked.
“No, he got in some trouble when he was younger, but that wasn’t his fault. I don’t understand why he’s so angry,” Brenda said.
“Maybe he feels violated. After all he didn’t give his permission to be investigated, did he?” Annie asked.
“No,” Brenda said.
“And you were seeing him as his girlfriend. I can see his point in a way, but not enough to throw away a relationship with a sweet girl like you,” Annie said.
“I can understand that he might be mad at me, but I was just doing my job and I couldn’t help it if I fell I love with him,” Brenda said.
“That’s the way love is, it bites you when you least expect it. Don’t worry, he’ll see what a mistake he made and come back to you. They always do,” Annie said.
“I don’t want him back,” Brenda said, as she burst into another round of crying.
“Don’t be so sure, all of us girls go through this and we always take them back no mater how badly they’ve behaved. Trust me, you will.”
“No I won’t, I’ll show him how strong I can be,” Brenda snarled between tears.
“I thought the same way sweetheart and I ended up marrying the lug, and if you don’t, you’ll find some one better,” Annie said.
“There’s no one better,” Brenda said, as the tears came again.
Brenda was finally able to compose herself enough to go home. She went in the door and fell on her bed and cried herself to sleep.
Runway | Chapter 41:
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Chapter 41
The next morning Melissa walked into the office and saw what a wreck Brenda was. Her hair was mussed and she was wearing no makeup, the tears saw to that.
“Brenda, what happened? You look like hell,” she said.
“I broke up with my boyfriend,” Brenda replied, the tears returning.
“Well you can’t go through the day like this. Come into my office and I’ll make you feel better,” Melissa said.
Melissa brought Brenda into her office and put some cocaine on a piece of glass and drew lines with a razorblade. She handed Brenda a straw and said, “Take this, it will make you feel better.”
“I really shouldn’t Melissa. I’ll get over this, it just takes time,” Brenda said.
“Honey, you don’t have time. You have people to see and you can’t like this so go ahead, my treat,” Melissa said.
Brenda knew she had to do what Melissa requested or her cover might be blown, so she took the straw and sucked the powder up her nose.
“Do more, sweetheart. It’s times like these that require more medication,” Melissa giggled.
Use as much as you like you dumb whore, Melissa thought, until you can’t stop using it and then you’re mine. Melissa was all heart.
Brenda took two more lines and then the drug hit her like a train, she no longer thought about Mario, she thought of how great she felt at this moment.
“Thank you Melissa, I do feel better. You were right; it was the right thing to take to make me feel better.”
“Let me give you some more for later and when you feel down take a little, it will make a difference,” Melissa said.
“You’re so kind Melissa, I don’t know how to thank you,” Brenda gushed
“Don’t even think about it sweetie, Aunty Melissa will think of something,” Melissa said.
Brenda took the bag of cocaine and put it in her purse and returned to her desk.
Mario entered next pushing his delivery cart.
“Hi,” Brenda said, coldly.
“Hi,” Mario said, “Sign here,” he said and handed her the signboard. He turned and walked out the door without another word.
Mid afternoon came and Melissa asked Brenda to come to her office.
“Brenda, you look much better, how do you feel?” Melissa asked.
“Much better,” Brenda answered.
“Good, I have a big favor to ask. One of the other girls can’t handle her date tonight and I’d like you to take her place as a favor to me?”
“I guess I could, but I have nothing to wear, as you can see. I didn’t dress too nicely this morning,” Brenda said.
“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of everything dear, and thank you. Your clothes will be delivered by four,” Melissa said.
“Thank you Melissa, “ Brenda said.
“Don’t give it another thought, and remember if you feel at all sad, take more of your candy,” Melissa said.
“You can count on it Melissa,” Brenda said.
The clothing was delivered, just as Melissa said it would be. Brenda had called Ashley to have her hair done because she didn’t have the time or materials to do a nice job. Ashley changed her style and Brenda looked even sexier than before, if that was possible.
Brenda returned to her office and changed into her new clothes. It was slut wear again. Brenda wondered if Melissa was able to buy anything but this style. She put on her nude panty hose, removed her bra and lowered the dress down over her head. It fell to three inches above mid-thigh and it appeared as though the tailor ran out of fabric when they reached her breasts. The dress barely covered her nipples. Her heels were the last thing Brenda put on and she wondered if the maker thought women liked walking on five inch heels. There ought to be height restrictions, she giggled, buildings have them, why not shoes?
She looked in the mirror and saw herself, and knew there would be no doubt as to what she was and wondered if Mario would like the way she looked? Fuck him she thought, he had his chance and felt her chin quiver. I can’t cry now, and took a line of coke up her nose.
Brenda’s date picked her up at the office and she did what she was supposed to do, look pretty, or slutty, it was her date’s choice, and the second one usually won out. He wanted to fuck her and she explained that she was on her period so she would only do one thing, so she sucked him off. The man wasn’t pleased, but put up with the only choice he had.
The next day Melissa called Brenda into her office.
“Brenda, your date last night wasn’t pleased, he wanted to screw you not have you give him head. My partner and I have been talking and we think you should be doing more now, if you get the idea,” Melissa said.
“Melissa, I’m not going to let some guy slip his thing in me, I’m sorry, I’ll quit before that happens,” Brenda said.
“It was just a suggestion dear, you don’t have to if you don’t want to, but you will make a lot more money,” Melissa said.
“Melissa, I feel guilty enough already about what I do. I really don’t want to do that.”
“If you take some coke and then do it, you’ll love it. Find a guy you like and try, you’ll see,” Melissa said.
“I’m sorry, I can’t.”
Brenda took the remaining coke and put it away, she liked the high way too much and knew why a person could get hooked on this stuff. She would just store it and ask Melissa for more every few days so she would appear to be addicted to the drug.
Runway | Chapter 42:
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Chapter 42
Tiffany was also becoming addicted, only she was addicted to her fame. She couldn’t step outside without being approached by fans. She was being coddled by the press, and by people wanting her services and nothing was too good for her as far as they were concerned. She was being wined and dined and the offers were pouring in. Everyone wanted a piece of Tiffany, the magazines, TV stations and even a movie offer, and she loved it. The hard part was trying to remember she was an undercover FBI agent and not to lose sight of what she was here for, to bring down Melissa.
Hank called to see if she could find time for the investigation.
“Hey, do you have time for dinner?” he asked.
“Tonight?” she asked.
“Yes, I need to talk to you,” he said.
“I’m supposed to go on a local talk show, maybe after that,” she said.
“How late?” he asked.
“Around ten?”
“I guess that will work, I’ll see you then. Meet me at Tony’s,” Hank said.
Hank was waiting when Tiffany arrived at Tony’s.
“Wow, you look terrific,” Hank said.
“Thank you, I didn’t remove my makeup from the show. How’ve you been?” Tiffany asked.
“Pretty good, what about yourself?” he asked.
“Very busy, I don’t think I’ve had a free moment in the week. My schedule is crazy,” she said.
“Well at least mine’s the same, walk the beat and make friends. Are you hungry?” he asked.
“A little, I think I’d like a slice of pizza,” she said.
Hank ordered the pizza and returned to the table.
“I’ve been asking around about the drug thing and you wouldn’t believe the looks I’m getting from the guys. I think there’s a lot more involved here than just the Captain,” Hank said.
“Have you had any feed back?” Tiffany asked.
“A little, there’s been mention of six or seven guys involved in this thing. I think we might be opening a can of worms we might wish we never had,” Hank said.
“Do you think it’s really dangerous?” Tiffany asked.
“I’m afraid it is, these guys aren’t fooling around and someone having an accident is a real possibility,” he said.
“I don’t want you to get in trouble with this. Maybe I can find another way of getting the information,” Tiffany said.
“Look, I hate dirty cops with a passion and now that I know what I do, I want to continue. I know you want to be able to go to the police about Melissa, but I want you to wait until I find out more and when it’s safe I’ll let you know,” he said.
Tiffany reached across the small table and took Hank’s hand in hers.
“You’re so sweet,” she said.
Tiffany was changing, and in some ways she like it, and others she disliked what was happening to her. She liked the freedom of being Tiffany Rollins, but her growing attraction toward Hank was scaring her. She knew her feelings toward him weren't right. She knew she hadn’t become enough of a woman to forget who she really was, but something was drawing her to like this man as a lover. Her femininity was winning her heart and she felt uneasy about her new found feelings. Was she going to lose Dirk with all that had happened, and would that be so bad, she wondered. Brenda certainly seemed happy with her new life. Why do I have so much trouble embracing it too? My breasts have started swelling, and I haven’t complained about that, so why shouldn’t I become Tiffany Rollins?
Her thoughts were interrupted as Hank pulled his hand from Tiffany’s and went to get the pizza slices. He returned and handed Tiffany hers.
“Thank you,” she said, as she looked deeply into his eyes.
“You’re welcome. Is there anything new around your offices?” Hank asked.
“Not much except I know Melissa is giving cocaine to the receptionist, I think she wants her to become an escort,” Tiffany said.
“I thought she only used models?” Hank asked.
“She does, but Brenda is cute and has a body that won’t quit. I wish I had her figure,” she said.
“Your figure is perfect. Just ask your fans,” Hank said.
“Thank you, but I have a models figure and Brenda has a pinup’s figure. Her breasts are much bigger than mine,” Tiffany said.
“Don’t put yourself down, Tiffany, you’re an incredible beautiful woman and I’m sure if you were to ask Brenda, she would want to be you,” he said.
“I doubt it, Brenda and I are very different. She’s so daring and adventurous, where as I’m much quieter than she is,” she said.
“Well I like the quiet you, so please don’t change.”
“I won’t,” she said quietly and felt herself blush, damn why does he do this to me, she wondered.
The couple ate their pizza and it was time to leave. Hank hailed a cab for Tiffany and held open her door.
“Thank you for the pizza Hank and call me tomorrow please,” she said.
“I will, goodnight,” he said and pulled her lips to his and kissed her goodnight.
“Goodnight Hank,” Tiffany said when they broke the kiss.
Hank closed the door behind her and the cab left. Tiffany was in a quandary, she had enjoyed Hank’s kiss. She in fact wished it had lasted longer. Had months of celibacy started to take their toll and she wanted anything at this moment, or was there a subtle shift in the way she was feeling about herself? Was she becoming the woman she had feared so much and losing Dirk to the hormones she had continued to take. She knew she felt more feminine, but that could be from living as a woman for so long? However, that didn’t explain the new attraction toward men.
Even when she started modeling, it was a chore to keep from getting erect, but that novelty had worn off and seeing the other girls in various stages of undress was just another day at the office as far as she was concerned. The other girls didn’t excite her anymore. Why did she keep referring to herself as one of the girls? Even more troubling though was that she was becoming excited in some small measure when Hank kissed her and that was something she hadn’t planed. Maybe she was really becoming Tiffany Rollins, female model.
The thought put her at ease as she laid her perfectly painted nails on her leg and felt the softness of her skin. Tiffany was having doubts as to whether she could give this up when the assignment was over. Being Tiffany Rollins had become too easy for her. The pampering and the new feelings she was having as the hormones changed her brain. The yearning to be kissed by Hank, and the sensitivity of her breasts when she bathed, had changed her in a big way. She would have to put a lot of thought into the rest of her life, and it might not be as Dirk.
Runway | Chapter 43:
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Chapter 43
Another week past and Tiffany was to fly to Los Angeles to walk the red carpet at the Globe awards. Brenda and Tiffany went to lunch together to talk.
“Tiffany, I don’t know how much longer I can do this. It's destroying my life,” Brenda said.
“I know it sounds selfish, but I’m having the time of my life, imagine, I’m going to walk the red carpet with some hunk of a movie star,” Tiffany said.
“I’m excited for you, but you have no idea of how I have to degrade myself for this investigation. We have to put pressure on Melissa or I’m going to lose my mind,” Brenda said.
“Hang in there, it won’t be much longer. Do you have any ideas on how to pressure her?” Tiffany asked.
“I’ve been doing terrible things and if I say I’m going to the police it might spook her into doing something stupid,” she said.
“I’m not too keen on that idea. Remember the last girl that tried that ended up dead.”
“Tiffany, I have to do something. I can’t keep doing what I’m doing,” Brenda said.
“Wait until I get back from LA, so at least you’ll have backup. I’m sure Hank will help, too,” Tiffany said.
“Alright, I will. How’s Hank anyway?” Brenda asked.
Tiffany blushed when Brenda asked that.
“You like him, don’t you?” Brenda asked.
“Kind of, he’s so nice,” Tiffany said.
“Have you kissed him?”
“Yes.”
“Did you like it?”
“Oh Brenda, I’m so afraid, I loved it when we kissed. It made me feel so….so.”
“So much like a woman?”
“Yes, like a woman and what scared me most was that I liked feeling like one, Brenda. What am I going to do?” Tiffany asked with obvious concern in her voice.
“I’m your friend Tiffany and I know I told you to become Tiffany and have fun with it, but to be careful. Be sure this is the direction you want to go, it can lead to a lot of heartache and end up at a place you don’t want to be. You’ve become a beautiful woman and a superstar and now you’re going to Hollywood to walk the carpet and show just how pretty you are. Have you thought about what you’re going to do after this is over? You could write your own ticket to stardom. You’ll be wanted for movies and not just the B features you could be in now, but real productions and every glamour line will want you, you’re the next Christie Brinkley. Are you going to be able to give that up and if you aren’t able to, you know you will have to become Tiffany Rollins for real. You already know your family hates that you’re like this now and if it were to become permanent would they accept you? You have a lot to think about Tiffany, you can become rich and famous or you can do what you wanted to do most, be an FBI agent, only as Dirk,” Brenda said.
“What would you do?” Tiffany asked.
“Are you kidding, I would have had the operation a long time ago, but you’re asking the wrong person, because I like who I have become and there is no way I’m going to go back to being Matt. I love being a woman and after this is over I’m finishing the disguise and making it permanent. I’ll be a female FBI agent and still have the job I want. You could do the same as Tiffany, but it’s something you have to want more than life itself and I could think of worse things than being a super model. I envy you Tiffany. If you decide to become Dirk again, come by and I’ll show you the time of your life,” Brenda giggled.
“I’ll think about it Brenda. It’s becoming harder each day to remember exactly who I am, Tiffany seems to be becoming a stronger personality and Dirk seems to be growing weaker,” she said.
“I can’t give you any advice about that except to do what feels right. If you feel like being Tiffany then embrace it and if you feel fearful then try to balance your feelings with Dirk and what he would do,” Brenda said.
“What should I do about Hank?” Tiffany asked.
“Is he your friend or something else?” Brenda asked.
“He started out as a friend and now I don’t know. It scares me Brenda. When he kisses me I don’t want him to stop and I shouldn’t feel that way.”
“You shouldn’t feel that way or I should say Dirk shouldn’t, but there’s nothing wrong with a girl wanting to be kissed by a boy. Tiffany, it sounds to me that you’ve become much more of a woman than you think. Go with the kiss if you like it, there’s nothing wrong with that, you might find some pleasure if you do,” Brenda said.
“But I’m not like you Brenda, you’re full of adventure and not afraid to try anything but I’ve always been careful and think a lot about something before I do it,” Tiffany said.
“Maybe you should be a little more like me. It can be fun,” Brenda laughed.
“I’ll try, maybe I’ll let my movie star kiss me in the limo,” Tiffany giggled.
“That’ll be the day,” Brenda said.
“I might surprise you. Let’s go, we have to get back to work.”
Tiffany left for Hollywood the next day. She was to wear a new Margaret Voss creation that was sure to stop traffic.
Brenda was becoming more at odds with herself. She knew she had to continue with the deception she had so carefully crafted, but the life of a whore isn’t one she could condone much longer. She felt that she was a proper young woman and the things the FBI were asking her to do was against all she felt was right, deception or not. She decided to apply some pressure on Melissa.
“Melissa, we need to talk,” Brenda said when Melissa came to work at her customary hour of arrival.
“About what dear?” she asked.
“About what I’m doing after working here all day, that’s what,” Brenda said.
“Let’s go into my office, we shouldn’t discuss that out here,” Melissa said.
The girls entered Melissa’s office and Brenda close the door.
“Okay Brenda, what’s bothering you?” Melissa asked.
“The escort thing, I don’t want to do it anymore,” Brenda said.
“You don’t want to do it anymore? My, my, aren’t we the ungrateful one. I’ve been here for you through all your problems and I ask you to do a little favor for me and now you don’t want to do it?” Melissa asked.
“You’ve been very kind to me Melissa, but whoring for you isn’t what I had in mind when I took this job. I’m losing all self respect,” Brenda said.
“Well Brenda, I don’t give a damn about your self respect, and you owe me and I expect payment and that payment is you going out with the clients I ask you to go with,” Melissa practically shouted.
“I won’t do it Melissa, I’m finished,” Brenda said.
“I’m afraid you’re not finished by a long shot cupcake, I own you. You’ve become my most popular escort and if you think I’m going to give you up you can forget it. You need your cocaine and if you don’t do as I say, I’ll cut you off. It is as simple as that,” Melissa said.
“I don’t need your damn stuff, I can get it somewhere else,” Brenda said.
“Fine, get it somewhere else, I don’t really care, but you are still going to work for me, my partners will see to that. Let me make one thing clear Brenda, it’s better to be a live whore than a dead receptionist. Do I make myself clear?” Melissa said.
“I thought you only had one partner?” Brenda said.
“You stupid cunt, how do you think I keep the girls in line and get what ever drugs I need? From the police, that’s how. One other thing, don’t even think of telling anyone about this conversation because no one would believe the police would be involved and the very police you would be telling are the ones that are my partners and you would end up like that stupid Natalia bitch. She thought about going to the police and she ended up telling one of my partners about this operation and you know what happened to her, so don’t make the same mistake. You had better get used to having some guy’s thing in your mouth and other places Brenda, because this is just the beginning for you,” Melissa spat out in fury.
Brenda’s statements to Melissa had had the desired results. Melissa had lost her cool and let her mouth run off before she had a chance to think of what she was saying. She had pretty much blown the whole operation in the few minutes it took her to take Brenda to task. Brenda would call Bill Cline and tell him of the conversation and this thing would finally be over.
“I’m sorry Melissa, I thought you would be more understanding, but I guess I was wrong. I’ll do as you ask, but I won’t screw anyone and if the customer doesn’t like it too bad. I have to draw the line somewhere,” Brenda said.
“Listen here miss high and mighty. If you think you’re only going to give head for the rest of the time you work for me, you have another thing coming. My customers won’t put up with that kind of nonsense, so you can either give it to them or wait to be raped it’s your choice. Now get your miserable face out of my office.”
Brenda returned to her desk, her face was red with rage, she would get even with the bitch, maybe not today, but her day would come.
Melissa picked up the phone and called her boyfriend.
“Arnold, we have a problem,” she said.
“What’s that?” he asked.
“Brenda’s having second thoughts about her job and she knows too much about our operation. What do you think we should do?” she asked.
“We could take care of her like we did with Natalia, or we could just scare her enough that she won’t question you again,” he said.
“I’d hate to kill her because she’s making a lot of money for us, on the other hand if she’s gone it will be one less thing to worry about,” Melissa said.
“Let’s think about it for a few days, right now you’re angry with her and that might influence your decision. Lets talk about it next Monday and if you still feel the same I’ll have one of the guys take care of it,” Arnold said.
“Okay, I’ll wait, but until then I’m going to work that bitch’s ass off, she’ll be sorry she ever crossed me,’ Melissa said.
Runway | Chapter 44:
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Chapter 44
Melissa arranged another date for Brenda. She wasn’t going to let her most popular escort skip a days worth of work, and Melissa hoped Brenda would finally have real sex with one of the men she had sent her to date.
Luckily Brenda was forceful enough to keep the men out of her panties. It was her way or no way, take it or leave it, and her tip had grown to fifteen hundred dollars. She wasn’t going to be cheap either.
Brenda had become very good at her business and was able to get her date off quickly and she could be home by ten if she was lucky. She set a new record with her latest date and was finished by nine. She called Bill Cline to have him meet her at Danny’s, they had to talk.
Brenda was the first to arrive and went to the bar. She needed a drink to help forget her latest date.
“Brenda, what brings you here?” Danny asked.
“The same old thing Danny, another meeting.”
“What can I get for you?” he asked.
“The usual,” she said.
“One lemon drop coming up,” he said.
Danny returned with the drink and placed it in front of Brenda. He looked at her and noticed she was dressed differently than the last time she was in and she looked hot.
“You look especially nice tonight Brenda, what’s the occasion?” he asked.
“The occasion is seeing you,” she flirted.
“Well you should come by more often then,” he said.
“I think I will since I broke up with my boyfriend,” she said.
“Thank you God,” Danny murmured under his breath.
Bill walked through the door before Danny could respond to Brenda’s statement.
“Hi Bill, let’s get a table,” Brenda said.
“Holy cow Brenda, you look hot, oops, I mean really nice tonight,” Bill said.
Brenda giggled; she knew how she looked, sexy, and why she looked this way, which she wouldn’t tell Bill.
“Thanks Bill, I’m glad you could make it. I’ve learned all we need to know about the operation and would like to know when we can take it down.”
“What have you learned about it?” Bill asked.
“Melissa blew her top at me today and blurted out the who and why of the operation. Arnold is her main partner and he’s the source of the drugs. He has partners in the ring with him and they’re all cops. If the girls get out of line they intimidate them and there isn’t any trouble after that. I think we should bring them down now and be done with this,” Brenda said.
“I’d like to Brenda, but we need proof. Right now it’s your word against theirs,” Bill said.
“Bill, please you have to understand, I don’t want to do this any longer. You don’t know what it’s like having to do the things I do to gain Melissa’s confidence. Can’t we end this thing?” Brenda pleaded.
“Give it a week and then I’ll pull the plug on it. We have almost everything we need to bring them down, so let's not get impatient now,” Bill said.
“I’ll give you one more week, but that’s it; no more after that,’ Brenda said.
“That’s my girl. I really need you right now Brenda. It might be a good idea if you were to start carrying your gun with you from now on. We have no idea of how the bad guys are going to react to you after what Melissa told you,” Bill said.
“Do you really think it’s getting dangerous now?” she asked.
“More than it was, and when Tiffany gets back she might want to do the same, although I doubt they would want to hurt her,” Bill said.
“I’ll let her know” Brenda said.
“It’s late, so I’m going to go. I’ll contact you later to let you know what’s going on and be careful Brenda, these people are dangerous,” Bill said.
“I will and thanks Bill.”
Bill left and Brenda moved back to the bar.
“Danny, I haven’t eaten yet, is there anyway I could get to eat?” Brenda asked.
“Anything in particular?” he asked.
“Something light, I won’t be able to sleep if I eat too much,’ she said.
Danny went to the kitchen and returned with a grilled salmon salad for her. He placed the dish in front of Brenda and couldn’t help staring at her very exposed cleavage. Brenda noticed where Danny was looking and it no longer bothered her; she had received much worse than this in the previous weeks from her dates and knew Danny meant no harm. After all, if she didn’t want to be looked at she would have changed and not worn such a daring dress.
“See something you like sailor,” she giggled
“You bet I do. You’ve changed Brenda. You’re not the same innocent little girl that came in here six months ago. What’s happened?” he asked.
“Nothing really, I’ve just decided to have more fun, that’s all. Besides you’re the one that taught me how to have that fun,” she said.
Danny felt his penis twitch with that statement, remembering how sweet and innocent she had been. Time had definitely changed this girl.
“If you’re not doing anything, I’ll be more than happy to drive you home,” he said.
“I’d like that,” she said.
Brenda finished eating and Danny drove her home. He parked the car and put his arm around Brenda’s shoulder. He leaned down to kiss her and she put her hand up to stop him.
“Please, just hold me,” she said.
Danny respected Brenda and knew there must be a reason for her to need this reassuring hug. He felt his shirt becoming wet and realized that she was crying.
“What’s wrong Brenda?’ he asked.
“My life, all of it, it’s so messed up right now,” she said, as the tears continued to flow.
Brenda’s life had become a train wreck. The simple undercover assignment had become a life threatening situation. She had fallen in love with a man and had lost him. She had to become a whore as part of her deception and her body didn’t fit the woman she portrayed.
“It can’t be that bad Brenda, tell me about it, it’ll make you feel better,” Danny said.
“I wish I could, but I can’t and that just makes things worse. I’m afraid, Danny, because I’m in some real danger and might be killed because of it. Everything will be fine after next week and I’ll be able to talk to you about it, but for right now I need a friend,” she said.
Danny held her tight to his chest. He wondered what was going on in this girls life that was so dangerous, but knew better than to push the issue. Danny was becoming fond of Brenda as a friend and not another girl to seduce. She really was a special young lady.
They sat this way for at least a half of an hour and Brenda finally went inside her apartment after kissing Danny goodnight.
Brenda opened her dresser drawer and took the revolver from the back of it. She hadn’t held it for months, but now it was imperative that she did. She pulled the hammer back and spun the chamber to make sure it was fully loaded and then placed it in her purse, where it would become her new best friend.
Brenda checked the rest of her apartment to make sure there was nothing lying around that might link her to the FBI. She was worried that the police might break in and search through her things and if they found something her life would end.
Melissa had arranged dates for Brenda through the weekend and she preformed her tasks as though nothing had happened between the women.
Tiffany returned Monday and she and Brenda went to lunch together to talk.
“I saw you on TV, you looked gorgeous,” Brenda said.
“That dress was so beautiful, I hated to take it off,” Tiffany said.
“Who was the guy you were with?” Brenda asked.
“Brad Perkins, wasn’t he something to look at?” Tiffany said.
“He’s very handsome. Was he as nice as he was to look at?” Brenda asked.
“He was sweet as could be, we had so much fun together. After the award ceremony we went to three parties, we were up all night,” she said.
“I envy you, you’re a very lucky girl. Things have happened since you were gone, I lost it with Melissa and now my life is in danger and it looks like we're going to pull the plug on this thing by the end of the week. I need you to talk to your friend Hank everyday to let you know what he hears around the police station. Melissa isn’t aware of your part in what’s going on, but she’s really angry with me and she made a threat that I’m taking very seriously. I’m even carrying my gun with me,” Brenda said.
“Brenda, that sounds serious,” Tiffany said.
“It is serious, Melissa blurted out everything about the operation and now I’m sure she’ll want me killed.”
“My God, I’ll call Hank and see what he might be able to do for us,” Tiffany said.
Tiffany called Hank on her cell phone.
”Hank, it’s Tiffany, I need your help,” she said.
There was a pause and then she answered, “My girl friend is in trouble and we need to meet with you.” Pause. “After work, okay, we’ll see you there, and thanks.”
“We have to meet Hank at Tony’s pizza when you get off work. I’ll meet you there so Melissa doesn’t know we’ve been talking, or she might get suspicious,” Tiffany said.
“Okay, I’ll see you there. I’m sure the bitch will want me to do something for her, but it can wait. Let’s get back to work,” Brenda said.
“Brenda, a word please,” Melissa said when the girls returned.
Brenda went into her office.
“I have a date for you with a very important client tonight and I expect you to treat him well. Do I make myself clear?” she asked.
“As long as I don’t have to sleep with him,” Brenda said.
“Look, I know we’re at each other’s throats, but can’t you sleep with him? Do it once for me?” Melissa asked.
“I told you I won’t and that’s all there is to it,” Brenda replied.
“Fine! Be a bitch, but I'll remember. Be at the hotel by eight and wear something that will excite him.”
Brenda met Tiffany and Hank at Tony’s, before she had to go on her date.
“Hank, this is my friend Brenda Watson, she’s the receptionist at Universal,” Tiffany said.
“It’s nice to meet you, Brenda,” he said.
“It’s nice to meet you too, Hank,” she said.
“Tiffany, I don’t know why you asked Brenda here with you. I thought this was between you and me?” Hank asked.
“Hank, there’s more to this than what I’ve told you and I’m going to have to trust you, call it woman’s intuition, but I know I can. Brenda and I are FBI agents and we’re about to bring down the whole group involved with Melissa. All we need from you is anything you might hear that might help us be one step ahead of the bad guys,” Tiffany said.
“You’re putting me on! You’re not really a model?” Hank said in disbelief.
“Of course I’m really a model. I was an agent first and we didn’t expect things to happen like they did. Brenda’s in trouble and we think they might try to get rid of her. So if you hear anything call me right away, please?” Tiffany said.
“I will. What about you, are you safe?” he asked.
“I’m fine, they think I’m just a model, but Brenda has made waves. They don’t know she’s an agent, but she knows too much now and we’re worried,” Tiffany said.
“I’ll see what I can find out. I have to run now because I’m working a late shift. Don’t worry Brenda everything will work out,” Hank said.
Mike rose and kissed Tiffany as he left.
“He’s cute, now I see why you like him,” Brenda said.
“Is that all you think about, how cute a guy is?” Tiffany asked.
“It doesn’t hurt, especially now. I'd love to have him give me a kiss,” Brenda giggled.
“I never thought I would say this, but don’t you dare kiss him, he’s mine,” Tiffany said.
“My, my, are you telling me you like guys now?” Brenda asked.
“Yes I am, and you’d better keep your hands off Hank,” Tiffany giggled.
“I had my Mario, so I guess it’s only fair that you have your Hank,” Brenda teased.
“I don’t know what’s happening to me Brenda. I never felt this way before, maybe with a girl, but never with a guy. I even hated to be touched by another guy, especially in gym class, but now I want Hank to kiss me, and, and, make love to me. I don’t know why I feel this way, I can’t explain it,” Tiffany said.
“I know how you feel, except you know me, go balls out, and screw the results; just do it. When we became girls, I decided that I would be one no matter what. I’d be one, one hundred percent, no holds barred. I found another person living inside of me and I liked her even more than I liked Matt. She had her feet on the ground and she thought before she leapt. Maybe you’re finding that person too, giving up Tiffany would be a big step. You’ve become famous and the money you’re making I can’t even comprehend. I like Tiffany, she’s out going and fun, where as Dirk was fun to mess with, but unless you got to know him there wasn’t much there,” Brenda said.
“I know what you mean about Dirk. I would have never dated him and I know that sounds crazy, but I do like to have fun. I’ve started to like being Tiffany really a lot and when this is over I have a lot of things to consider before Dirk comes back,” Tiffany said.
“What ever you decide I’ll be with you all the way, we’re in this together. I hope you’ll do the same for me if I get out of this alive,” Brenda said.
“You know I will. I love you Brenda, you’re my sister now,” Tiffany said, and the two hugged.
Hank called Tiffany the next day.
“Hey girlfriend, I have some news for you,” he said.
“Hi, what do you have for me?” she asked.
“There’s been a lot of chatter around the drug unit and a lot of it’s secret, so tell Brenda to be careful. I know some of these guys and they aren’t the nicest people in the world, but I guess being undercover in drug enforcement will do that to you,” he said.
Melissa called Arnold with her decision on Brenda.
“Arnold, it’s Melissa, I’ve made my decision about Brenda. She’s just too much trouble. Have her killed before she makes trouble for us,” Melissa said.
“Okay, I’ll have Jules do it. Set up a date Thursday night at the motel where we did Natalia and I’ll have Jules take care of her there,” Arnold said.
“Thanks baby, see if you can get free this week. I miss you,” Melissa said.
“I miss you too,” he said.
The next morning Melissa, gave Brenda her schedule for the rest of the week.
“Brenda, tonight you are to meet a client for dinner and dancing, dress nicely and tomorrow you have a date with Jules Blum. He’s here from the west coast and only wants a little sex at his motel. Dress sexy, wear one of the outfits I bought for you and meet him at the Flying High motel at the Newark airport, room 129 at eight and be on time because he has a plane to catch,” Melissa said.
“I hope you told him I only give oral sex and nothing more,” Brenda said.
“He’s fine with that, just take care of him,” Melissa said.
Brenda turned and left Melissa’s office. She hated to even be around the woman.
Hank called Tiffany the following day.
“Hey sweetheart,” he said, “Something’s going on, my source says that someone is to be killed and I can only guess that it must be Brenda.”
“Did they say when?” Tiffany asked.
“No, but I’m sure it will be soon,” Mike said.
“I’ll let Brenda know and thanks. I owe you a kiss for this one,” Tiffany said.
“I hope more than one,” Hank said.
“You can count on it,” Tiffany said, as she hung up the phone.
Tiffany called Brenda with the warning.
“Brenda, hi, it’s Tiffany. I just talked to Hank and he said they might try a hit on you soon and for you to be careful,” she said.
“I’m getting that feeling too, Melissa is being very distant toward me and I have a bad feeling about tomorrow night,” Brenda said.
What’s happening tomorrow night?” Tiffany asked.
“I’m supposed to meet some guy over in Newark, and I don’t like the feel of it,” Brenda said.
“Be careful,” Tiffany said.
“I will. I think I’ll call Bill Cline and let him in on what’s going on. Maybe he can have some backup for me,” Brenda said.
“That might not be a bad idea. I’m sure he’ll have a plan, call me tomorrow,” Tiffany said.
“I will. Goodnight.”
Brenda called Bill to see what they might do to protect her.
“Hi Bill, it’s Brenda, I have something to discuss with you. I have a date with some guy tomorrow night in Newark and I think he might be there to kill me.”
“What makes you think that?” he asked.
“I never work out of the city and now Melissa wants me to go there. I have a bad feeling about it,” Brenda said.
“What can you tell me about it?” Bill asked.
“It’s with a man named Jules Blum and it’s at the Flying High motel by the airport in room 129. That’s all I know. Is there anything you can do to help protect me?” she asked.
“I can have backup for you, but when you are in the room you’ll be on your own. I’d like to see if we can set up a microphone and camera before tomorrow night,” Bill said.
“I hope you can. I’ll call you tomorrow just before I go. Goodnight Bill.”
Brenda went home and changed into a nice dress and went on her date. It was the first one she had had that didn’t involve sex. It turned out that her date was gay and just needed some decoration for his arm. It was the first time in a long while that Brenda felt clean when she arrived at home.
Thursday came and there was activity everywhere around the office. Melissa seem especially nervous and kept reminding Brenda about her date that evening.
“Remember be extra good for Jules tonight,” Melissa would say.
“Melissa, you’ve told me that ten times already. What is it with this Jules guy anyway?” Brenda asked.
“He’s a special friend. Just work your magic with him,’ Melissa said.
“Melissa, you worry too much. You know I’ll be good to him,” Brenda said.
“Just be on time, that’s all I ask,” she said.
“I will be.”
Brenda called Bill during her lunch to see what his plan was.
“Bill, hi, it’s Brenda, anything new?” she asked.
“Lots, we found out who Jules is. He’s the next person under Arnold on the task force and he’s a real asshole from what we’ve heard. We weren’t able to put a camera in the room, but we did install a mike so at least we will be able to hear everything that goes on. Make sure you have your gun with you and I can’t stress how important it is for you to be careful. I’ll be in the next room, but he can kill you before we can get into the room so it might be up to you to save yourself. Just remember your training and don’t panic. Be careful Brenda,” Bill said.
“I will and thank you Bill, and for whatever its worth, I’ve enjoyed working with you,” she said.
“I’ve enjoyed you too Brenda and this isn’t the end of our working relationship. I’d like to keep you here permanently after this is over,” Bill said.
“I’ll keep that in mind. See you tonight Bill.”
Brenda called Tiffany to talk one more time.
“Tiffany, hi, it’s me,” Brenda said.
“Hi, is everything alright?” she asked.
“Everything’s fine, I just wanted to tell you that I love you and if I don’t make it through tonight I want you to remember that. You’re my best friend, Tiffany, and I’ve loved every minute of the adventure we’ve been through and I want you to promise me that you will be true to yourself and follow your feelings and not what anyone else expects from you,” Brenda said.
“I love you too Brenda and don’t talk that way, you’ll be fine. Don’t say another word about tonight or you’ll make me nervous and I will be true to myself, who knows, Tiffany might be here for quite a long while,” she said.
“I hope so, I love my girl friend,” Brenda said.
“And you don’t like Dirk?”
“I like him too. It’s just that I like you better. I have to run, I’ll talk to you later.”
It came time for Brenda to go on her date with Jules. She brought her clothes to work with her because she didn’t want Annie to see her dressed like a slut. Brenda changed and remembered that she hadn’t talked to Annie for several days and wanted to hear her voice one more time.
“Annie, hi, it’s Brenda,” she said.
“Brenda honey, what’s wrong?” Annie asked.
“There’s nothing wrong I just wanted to call to let you know I might be late coming home, that’s all,” Brenda said.
“I can hear it in your voice, something is bothering you. Can’t you tell me what it is?” Annie asked.
“I’ll tell you when I get home. I love you, Annie,” Brenda said and hung up the phone before she started to cry. Damn, now I have to fix my makeup all over again. Why couldn’t I just be a normal girl instead of one that risks her life like this, she wondered as she repaired her mascara.
Brenda took a cab to the motel and paid the twenty dollars for the ride. She couldn’t help thinking that her life was worth more than twenty dollars. She walked to the door of room 129 and knocked on the door. The door opened and Brenda had her first glimpse at the man that was supposed to kill her.
“Jules?” she said as she extended her hand.
“You must be Brenda. You’re much prettier than I expected, come in,” he said as he took her hand and led her inside.
“I don’t have much time before I catch my plane, so we might as well get down to business,” Jules said.
“Before we start, have you made the arrangements with Melissa as to payment?” she asked.
“Everything is taken care of,” he said.
“Okay, please lie on the bed. Do you want me to remove your pants or are you going to do it?” she asked.
“I’d like you to do it, I want my money's worth,” he said.
Jules was a real prick. He was just going to kill Brenda, but when he saw how good looking she was, he decided that he might as well take advantage of her before he killed her.
Brenda pulled his pants and underwear down enough to expose his penis and took it in her hand. She didn’t know if he liked dirty talk, so she didn’t say anything and jerked him to erection. She took his penis in her mouth and worked him to climax; it took less than a minute. He came and moaned when he did. His right leg was hanging off the bed and bumped Brenda’s calf when he spasmed in her mouth. She felt something long and hard through the pant leg and surmised that it was a knife, the one he would use to kill her. Her heart went to her throat as the fear surfaced. She pulled back and let his penis fall from her mouth and when she did he grabbed her by the arm.
“That was good whore, but now it's time for the real business that you’re here for,” he said and pulled her back down toward the bed.
Jules reached for the knife and pulled the pant leg up to grab it. Don’t panic, Brenda thought, stay calm, make him let go, you’ve got to get to your purse and the waiting gun.
Brenda looked Jules in the eye and then she spit all of the collected liquid from his enjoyment in his eyes. First there was shock from the maneuver and then stinging from the salt in the liquid. Jules let Brenda’s arm go as he reached for his eyes to rub the liquid out. Brenda jumped back and lurched for her purse and lost her balance on her heels as she did, falling to the floor. Jules jumped from the bed and went toward Brenda, his pants falling to his ankles making it difficult to walk.
“You fucking little bitch,” he screamed in anger, while the translucent liquid ran down his face. “I’ll kill you for that,” he screeched.
Brenda reached for the purse strap and pulled her purse to the floor. Jules was almost on her as she reached in and found the revolver. She pulled the hammer back and pointed it at Jules.
“Stop or I’ll kill you, you son of a bitch,” she said.
“You dumb ass whore, I’m a cop and if you do, you’ll die in prison, so give me the fucking gun,” he said.
“I might be a dumb ass whore, but I’m something else, too, you prick. I’m an FBI agent and do you want to know what else? You’re under arrest,” she spat out in anger.
“You’re arresting me? I don’t think so,” he said and lunged at her.
Brenda pulled the trigger and the gun fired off a round. Jules fell toward Brenda, the knife cutting her arm as she shielded herself from the falling man.
The door to the room shattered open as the hidden agents forced their way in.
“Brenda, are you alright?” asked the first agent though the door.
“I’m alright, he just cut my arm. Get him off me,” she wheezed.
They pulled the now moaning Jules off Brenda.
“Call for an ambulance, he’s hurt pretty bad,” Bill said.
“Let me see your arm Brenda. A couple of stitches and you’ll be fine. I’m sorry we didn’t get in here sooner, we were hoping he would say something about his boss,” Bill said.
One of the agents covered Jules with a blanket. They didn’t want him to go into shock.
“You might die, Jules. We know all about your boss, so would you like to clear your soul before you meet your maker?” Bill asked.
“Please, I don’t want to die,” Jules moaned.
“Tell me who ordered this hit?” Bill asked, as he held a small recorder to Jules’ mouth.
“Arnold and Melissa, they’re the bosses. God, don’t let me die,” he pleaded.
“Who killed Natalia Breshnakov?” Bill asked.
“I did, Arnold ordered me to. My gut hurts, please do something,” Jules moaned.
“Why did you kill her?” Bill asked.
“She came to us to turn Melissa in and didn’t realize we were part of the same group. She had to go, so we brought her here and I cut her throat in the bath tub so the blood would be easy to clean up. God I hurt, please help me,” Jules cried.
Jules’ cell phone rang and Bill flipped it open and looked at the caller ID.
“It's Arnold. Answer it Jules,” he said.
“Hello,” Jules said. Jules was holding the phone so Bill could hear the conversation.
“Is it over?” Arnold asked.
“It’s over,” Jules answered.
“Good, return to the station house and clock out, that will be your alibi if there are any questions later. When you’re done meet Melissa and me at her apartment, we have some things to discuss,” Arnold said and hung up the phone.
“I can’t believe our luck, they’re both waiting at the same place to be gift wrapped. Go pick them up,” Bill said to several agents.
“I wish I could be there to see the look on Melissa’s face when she’s arrested,” Brenda said.
“Don’t worry, you’ll see her at trial. Unfortunately that will probably be a year away, but she’ll get hers,” Bill said.
The ambulance arrived and the attendants entered the room with a gurney and attended to Jules. They looked at his wound and said he would be okay, nothing vital was hit.
“It never fails; the big bad ass killers are the biggest sissies when it comes to pain. Cuff him and go in the ambulance with him, Jack. I’ll take Brenda to the hospital in my car so they can take care of her arm,” Bill said.
Bill helped Brenda to her feet and wrapped a towel around her wound and helped her to his car. Brenda left her weapon for forensics to take and went with Bill.
“You’re one brave woman, Brenda. The things you had to do to take this crowd down just amazes me. You’re one hell of a woman,” Bill said.
“Thanks Bill, for the compliment, but I didn’t do that much,” she said.
“You’re kidding me, without you this would have never been solved. This whole assignment was supposed to be Tiffany’s thing and you’re the one that made it happen. I’m still in amazement. I wish I was twenty years younger so I could ask you to marry me,” Bill said.
“You’re sweet Bill, and if you were twenty years younger I would marry you, but you’re not so I guess you’re going to have to find someone else,” she giggled.
Brenda and Bill arrived at the hospital and Brenda soon had four stitches in her arm. Two would have done the job, but the doctor didn’t want to leave a scar on the sexy looking young girl.
“When you’re ready to have the stitches removed, you come and see me personally,” he said.
“Thank you doctor, I will,” she said.
By the end of the evening, all the members of the crime group were in jail, charged with various crimes. It would be a long time before they would be released.
Runway | Chapter 45:
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Chapter 45 - Final Chapter
Universal was shut down, so Tiffany and Brenda reported to work at the FBI offices on Monday morning. The other agents had a hard time believing that the super model was one of them. Both girls finished their paperwork and had to come to some life changing decisions.
Brenda called her doctor and opted for her operation.
“Doc, I want to finish this and have the ultimate sacrifice, as you so succinctly put it. Or as I might say, the ultimate reward,” Brenda said.
“You’re sure about this Brenda? There’s no turning back if you do,” he said.
“That’s why I want it, I don’t want to turn back. I’m Brenda Watson now except for one thing and I want that changed,” she said.
“I’ll schedule it for next week. We’ll have the finest surgeon in this field flown in to take care of it for you. You deserve time off for what you did for the agency, so recuperation won’t be a problem,” he said.
“I’ll see you next week,” she said.
Tiffany and Brenda went to lunch to talk.
“Tiffany, I’m going through with the operation, and I’m going to become a complete woman,” Brenda said.
“I knew you would. I’m happy for you,” Tiffany said.
“What about you? What are you going to do now that this is over?” Brenda asked.
“I don’t know. Several of the large agencies have contacted me about signing with them and I’ve been asked to return to Quantico. Apparently they have another assignment for me, so I’ll go there and think about my career options. If I continue modeling I’ll make a lot of money and you’ve seen the fame, but I’ll have to give up Dirk, which at this time doesn’t seem so bad. I’ve become very comfortable as Tiffany and considering what I have to gain, I’m not sure of what I’ll do. I’m sure I’ll come to some kind of logical decision,” Tiffany said.
“Next Monday is the big day for me and no mater what you decide I, love you,” Brenda said.
“I love you too Brenda.”
Monday came and Brenda had her surgery and it came out perfectly. She was released from the hospital two weeks later and scheduled for the cosmetic finishing touches two months later. With her surgery complete, only her gynecologist would know she wasn’t born a woman.
Three months had past since her last surgery when Brenda heard her name called by a familiar male voice.
“Brenda,” he said.
Brenda turned and saw Dirk at her office door.
“Dirk,” she shrieked, and ran to her friend and hugged him. “What happened to Tiffany?”
“It’s a long story. Can we go somewhere to talk?” he asked.
“I’ll take my lunch now. Come on, I know a nice quiet restaurant nearby,” she said.
Brenda stood and Dirk looked at his friend. She was the same bubbly girl he remembered, except her hair was longer now, almost to her mid back. She was wearing a knee length gray skirt, a white sleeveless blouse and black shoes with two-inch heels. She still had that stop traffic figure and cute cheerleader face. He had missed seeing his friend.
Brenda took Dirk by the hand and led him to the elevator for the trip to the street.
“You look good Dirk, handsome as ever and I see you lost the fat you put on as Tiffany,” Brenda said.
“Yeah, back to being skinny old me. You look great Brenda. How have things been for you?” he asked.
“Pretty good, I have no complaints. I’m all healed from the surgeries and I love my job,” she said.
“Are you still living at the same place?” he asked.
“Yes, I love having Annie as a friend and don’t think I would want to move from there,” she said.
“Are you seeing anyone?” he asked.
“Not exclusively. I’m trying to keep from being too serious right now,” she said.
The elevator doors opened and the two friends walked to the restaurant and found a table.
“Now tell me all about Tiffany,” Brenda asked.
“Where would you like me to start?” Dirk asked.
“After the arrest,” Brenda said.
“Okay, after Melissa was arrested I wondered what would happen to Tiffany. I think it was two days before my phone started ringing. All the big modeling firms called and they wanted Tiffany. I talked to a few of them and you wouldn’t believe the offers I got from them. They wanted me to sign with different advertisers for a ton of money. One offer was worth over a million dollars. I didn’t know what to do so I turned off my phone to think,” Dirk said.
“Where did you go?” Brenda asked.
“I stayed home alone and thought about everything being offered to me and the consequences of what my decision would mean. I thought about my life as Tiffany and how I hated it in the beginning, but how I had learned to embrace it in the end. It was just a job, but as Tiffany’s personality developed she also did as a person. After the Voss ad she became popular and with that popularity came fame. Every move she made she was catered to and pampered. She wore only the finest clothes and rode in the best cars, she stayed at the finest hotels when she was on location, she was a queen. She had her choice of men to date and even started to like them. She was on top of the world,” Dirk said.
“What changed all that?” Brenda asked.
“Tiffany wanted to take a walk one day and she put on her designer shorts and blouse, her wedge sandals, made her face up and walked outside. She had gone about two blocks when she was asked for an autograph, which was a thing that had become part of her life. She signed her name and the fan went on her way. She walked a bit farther when an older woman approached her and said, “I know you, you’re that model girl. I used to be a model, I was famous,” and then she continued on her way. What she had said put Tiffany’s life in a different perspective and she knew what she would do.
“Brenda, you have no idea how hard it was for me to give up being Tiffany, the glamour and pampering, the new feelings I had when Hank kissed me. All that would have to go if I decided to become Dirk again. I had started to love being Tiffany, but she wasn’t really me; she was an illusion. I thought about the offers, but realized that I would have to become Tiffany not just portray her and if I did there would be no turning back. God, I was tempted. Fame is a strong aphrodisiac, Brenda; strong enough to do anything to keep it. My feelings for Hank made it even more difficult. I wanted him in the worse way and if I could have done what I wanted to do with him I would probably still be Tiffany today, but when I met that woman I saw another side of fame. It doesn’t last forever. I remembered something you told me, be true to yourself, not to something you want. I was living an illusion and that’s not how I wanted to spend my life, so I decided to be me, Dirk Rollins and Tiffany would have to go. So here I am,” he said.
“Any regrets?” Brenda asked.
“Not one. I thought I would miss Tiffany, but I don’t. I have the life I really wanted.”
“What are you doing now?” Brenda asked.
“I’m working with the agency in Virginia and we’re planning another operation. After our thing was over, they wanted me to go to San Francisco as Tiffany and I told them no way. I like my life now. I like being Dirk,” he said.
“I’m happy for you. You’ve been a wonderful friend and I’ll love you always,” Brenda said.
“Tell me more about yourself. Are you dating anyone?” he asked.
“No one person. Why, are you interested?” Brenda giggled.
“I would be tempted, but I’m seeing a girl I met around three months ago and we’re becoming pretty serious. She’s a lot like me, kind of serious, you know better that anyone how I am,” Dirk said.
“I sure do. I hope some of Tiffany rubbed off on you, she was fun,” Brenda said.
“She was, and I think a little did. See, I can smile now,” Dirk said with the winning smile that made Tiffany famous.
“I should get back to work. Are you going to be in town long?” Brenda asked.
“I fly back tonight, I’m here for a deposition against Melissa,” he said.
“I’m going to miss you. Walk me back?” she asked.
“I wouldn’t leave my best girl here alone,” Dirk said and offered his arm.
Brenda took his arm and the couple walked back to Brenda’s office. Dirk kissed his friend goodbye and walked away.
Brenda was going to miss Dirk. As much as she would have liked to have dated him, she knew something like that would have never worked out. The feelings they had for each other was special, not in a lover’s sort of way, but like a brother and sister and at one time sisters, both learning the road to becoming women.
Several weeks past and Brenda was becoming restless. The months of celibacy were taking their toll and now that she had the equipment, why shouldn’t she use it
Brenda decided she wanted to finally be bedded by a man, but what man? Brenda would have to decide which one would be lucky enough to be her first.
Brenda had been dating several men. Mario was back in her life after months of absence. A month after her final operation she had had flowers delivered to her work with a note of apology from Mario. They started seeing each other again and he told her how upset his mother had been when they broke up. She had called him damn fool for losing a girl like that. His nephews and nieces missed their aunt Brenda, as did the rest of his family and they were happy when she returned to the Sunday dinners. They saw each other regularly, but there always seemed to be an invisible wall that kept them from really saying how they felt about each other. Maybe this would break down the wall.
Mike was another man Brenda was dating. After Tiffany left he had called Brenda and asked her out. She accepted and they also saw each other regularly. Mike was tall and handsome, a real catch and he did excite Brenda whenever they were alone.
There were a couple of guys she worked with that she had fantasized about too, but she also believed in the old saying about not dipping your pen in company ink. So those guys were out.
The last was a man she met at Starbucks. He was an investment banker that was a stone fox and she wanted him to bed her in the worse way.
Who to choose?
Having made her decision, Brenda dressed for the occasion. Earlier in the day she visited Ashley and had a makeover done. She wanted to look perfect the lucky man. Ashley did her nails and makeup, changed her hair style and sent her on her way. She returned home and found her new bustier dress from bebe. It was a black strapless dress with a front zipper that went from top to bottom. She put it on and pulled the zipper down. Her cleavage was prominent and her lightly oiled legs reflected the light. She wore no nylons and put on her black sandals with the four-inch stiletto heels. She called a cab to go meet her man.
The cab dropped her in front of the building. She exited and handed the driver a twenty dollar bill and told him to keep the change. She walked across the cement sidewalk, her heels clicking with each step. She reached for the door handle and turned it. She swung open the door and stepped inside. The man looked up and smiled the smile of a man that just saw the vision of wanton sex. She smiled back
“Hi Danny,” she purred.
Brenda had finally ended her journey, or maybe it had just begun.
The Perfect O
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This is the story of what a man will do to try to find the perfect orgasm. It is a story about forced femininity but forced by himself so as to attain his goal of finding that perfect O.
The Perfect “O”
By Arecee
The man entered the nightclub amid dancing bodies glistening with sweat from the great exertion of the dance. As he did women’s heads turned to get a glimpse of the extremely handsome man, ignoring their dates in away that could only be construed as rude. One could see the lust in the women’s eyes as he walked to the bar with a look of confidence and masculinity gained from his good looks and well conditioned body.
Brett Steele looked around the club as he did every night when he came to “Obsessions” to see which girl he would take home to seduce, as was his custom. This night was no different than any other night of the last ten years when he had turned eighteen and inherited his deceased parents fortune of three hundred fifty million dollars. Brett was smart though and had hired people to look after his fortune and had invested much of it while he learned the ways of the business world. As a result of shrewd investment and buying companies that were undervalued and turning them around to become moneymaking machines he became a member of the billionaires club.
Brett also had another thing going for him; he was unnaturally good looking for a man. He stood six feet tall and weighed one hundred eighty pounds and most of it was muscle from working out seven days a week with his personal trainer. His eyes are an unusually deep color of blue and contrast with his dark almost black hair in a way that drives women crazy with lust. His nose is straight and his lips nicely shaped which are only accented by the carefully groomed two-day growth of beard he always sports.
Having wealth allows him to dress impeccably, which adds to the aura of Brett Steele and the confidence he has in his ability to seduce women. Most people would think he would flaunt his good fortune in life, but just the opposite was true. He was always gracious with all he came in contact with and left most people feeling so much the better with the experience. He was always caring to his love partners of choice, being certain they were satisfied before he consummated the love making of the evening.
Brett Steele’s one short coming was that unlike many of the love making studs of fiction he would come once and then would fall asleep unless he happened to meet an extremely exciting love partner, then he would then be able to orgasm twice in an evening of frolic, but this was an extremely rare occasion. Brett was always careful to satisfy his partner first so at least he had a reputation of pleasing his women above his own pleasure.
Brett surveyed the club with the skilled eye of a conisure of feminine pulchritude. Not much is happening he thought to himself but the evening was still young and this being the hot new club something was sure to develop. Brett seated himself at the bar and ordered his customary Bombay martini to take the edge off the day. His mind wandered to his guaranteed evening of love and wondered if women felt the same way as men when they came, not in a male female sense but in the rapture of the afterglow of love making and the relaxed feeling that followed. He also wondered if each time was as good as the next for each partner or were some really good and some just going through the motion. He knew that women could fake an orgasm but it would be hard for a man to create such a deception, as there was always the mess the man created during that very orgasm and if there was none, to coin an old phrase, “You got a lot of splaining to do Lucy.”
Brett had been seated for about a half of an hour when she walked in. She was wearing the proverbial little black dress and four inch stiletto heels, walking with grace and exuding sexuality with every move. Brett knew she was the one and moved to be sure that she would be his for tonight.
She was Autumn Johansson, a well known model in the photography industry, known for her athletic figure and beautiful face and seen around the world in fashion magazines and she would have been a Sports Illustrated model had she not broken her leg in a skiing accident several years ago. She looked around the club and spotted Brett instantly and she too made the decision that if he were available he would bed her this very evening. One thing must be said about Autumn, she loved sex, as much as she could possibly get, when ever or wherever it didn’t make a difference as long as her partner was handsome and Brett certainly filled the bill. It had been a long time since she had seen a man with the extraordinary good looks of Brett Steele and she became aroused just looking at him.
Autumn and three other models had decided to go out for an evening of fun and dancing and should the situation arise bed some lucky man. The girls were like a constellation of four stars, Autumn being the brightest star of all.
As the girls surveyed the room Autumn had already made her choice and whispered in Melissa’s ear, “Look at the guy sitting alone at the bar, God is he a fox. I’m going to go over and sit next to him and maybe he will buy me a drink and if worse comes to worse I’ll buy him one. If I’m not with you at the table in a half of an hour you know I scored, good luck yourself.”
“Oh my God Autumn, you’re right, he is a fox, oh my God he ‘s so handsome, he must be a model. He must be new in town because I know most of the male models and I’ve screwed every straight one that I’ve met. I wish I had seen him first, God he makes me hot,” replied Melissa.
“Fend for yourself girl friend, he’s all mine,” answered Autumn.
Autumn slowly made her way to the bar next to Brett and asked, “Is this seat taken?”
Brett answered with his baritone voice that sounded like a velvet fog, “No it’s not, and it’s yours if you’d like. May I buy you a drink?”
“Yes you may, I’d like a Gray Goose cosmopolitan please,” replied Autumn.
“Gosh a beautiful woman with manners, what a nice surprise. My name is Brett and yours is?”
“Autumn, Autumn Johansson, thank you for the drink. Do you come here often?”
“Oh maybe once or twice a week, other nights I go to several different clubs. What about you?”
“I don’t get out that much because I am usually working until late at night.”
“Really, what do you do?”
“I’m a model, I’m surprised you don’t know who I am. I’m in most fashion magazines on the news stands every month.”
“I don’t read those magazines and actually the only one I read consistently is Forbes and there aren’t many models in there but if you had been in there I would have remembered. Have you been modeling long?”
“Since I was sixteen years old, what about you? What do you do? My girl friends thought you might be a model but my friend says she knows all the male models and hasn’t seen you before.”
“That’s because I’m not a model. I’m in investment banking; you know buy a company cheap and then resell it for a lot of money. The business has been very good to me and I’m very thankful for my good fortune.”
“That sounds like a very interesting occupation but I would normally think of a banker as being old and stuffy and not as hand some as you.”
“Thank you for the compliment but you’re not so shabby yourself, in fact when you entered the room I was instantly smitten. What else do you do besides model?”
“I enjoy skiing and clubbing when I have time but since the new fashions came out we have been shooting late into the night so as to make publishing deadlines. We finished the current shoot early so the girls and I were able to come out tonight. What about you don’t you have to be at some stuffy bank early in the morning?” Autumn asked as she dropped her hand to lie softly on Brett’s thigh.
This girl doesn’t waste time Brett thought to himself and I’m glad she doesn’t. Brett had become somewhat jaded with the nightclub scene as it always ended up the same, meet the girl, buy three or four drinks, bring her home and have sex. The only thing wrong was the hangover the next morning and if this girl was warming towards him already maybe he could forgo the excessive drinking and get right to the main event.
“I don’t work at a bank but out of my home and I have a personal assistant that goes to most of the meetings for me. Actually I’m just the money behind the investments and even though most of the investors know of Brett Steele almost none have met me in person and I try to keep it that way so as to avoid uncomfortable situations where a seller might become angry with an offer but if there is no one other than a personal assistant to yell at I become insulated from the unpleasantness.”
“Well Brett Steele it sounds like you have everything planed out pretty well, what do you do for fun?” Autumn asked as she began to slide her manicured nails along his thigh.
“I used to race off road motorcycles and did it for about five years but now I just work out with my trainer,” Brett answered. Autumn’s caressing of his thigh was getting the reaction she was looking for because Brett could feel an erection forming in his pants. “Would you like to go to my penthouse where it’s a little more quiet and easier to talk?”
Autumn knew she could seduce this man but was surprised by how quickly she had accomplished the task, if she only knew that Brett wasn’t in the mood to waste time drinking at a bar she wouldn’t have been so proud of her seduction.
“I’d love to go, let me tell my friends were leaving and I’ll be right back.”
Autumn found her friends and told them that she had scored with the handsome man they were all lusting after and would see them in the morning at the photo shoot.
Autumn rejoined Brett and took his arm as they went outside to hail a taxi.
The taxi dropped them in front of Brett’s Park Avenue apartment building. The doorman rushed to the cab to open the door for the beautiful couple.
“Thanks Fred,” Brett said as they exited the taxi.
“Your welcome Mr. Steele, I hope you enjoyed your evening,” Fred answered. Fred was used to seeing Brett with beautiful young women almost every night but this girl was different, there was a bubbling aura about her that made her different from the other girls Brett brought home to bed, a self-confidence and sexuality that made her special and a look that was making Fred wish he could be Brett Steele this evening.
Brett and Autumn rode the elevator to the penthouse floor of the building and exited into one of the most awe-inspiring rooms Autumn had ever seen. The decorations and furnishings were beyond description. The room was large, large enough to host a party of fifty guests comfortably and the furnishings, God how could someone have so many antiques in one room at one time. Autumn then looked toward the glass wall and saw the perfect backdrop for this room, Central Park. My God she thought to herself what kind of man have I landed, even I can’t be this lucky.
Brett interrupted Autumn’s thoughts when he asked, “Would you like a glass of wine?”
“Yes that would be nice,” She replied.
“White or red?”
“I’d like a glass of chardonnay if you’ll have one have one with me.”
“I’d love to share a glass with you. I have a nice bottle of unfiltered Newton Vineyards, and I think you will like it.”
Brett poured two glasses of wine and gave one to Autumn who had walked out onto the terrace overlooking the park. He handed her the glass and felt her graze the back of his hand with her nails.
“Do you like the view?” he asked as he placed his arm around her shoulder. He felt her snuggle against his body, as he smelled the fragrance of her perfume.
“Yes very much but not as much as the company,” she said as she turned toward him with her lips slightly parted. Autumn was a tall girl, five foot seven and with four inch heels stood only an inch shorter than Brett. Her perfectly lined red lips glistened in the night begging to be kissed. Brett leaned to her and kissed her wanting lips with desire and Autumn responded by opening her mouth to allow Brett’s tongue to enter to dance with hers. The kiss continued for several minutes and Brett could feel the passion building in this beautiful woman.
Bret broke the kiss and asked, “Would you like to go inside where it’s more comfortable?”
“Mm, Yes,” she answered.
Brett led her into the living room and to the sofa, placed the wine glasses on the cocktail table and helped her sit down. He then sat and they resumed the kiss they had started on the terrace. Brett began caressing her back and shoulders working his way to her breasts. When he felt her there her nipples became hard and she started to moan softly in a most contented way. Brett caressed her this way for several minutes when she suddenly went stiff and pulled him tight against her body and screamed, she had had orgasm and they hadn’t even removed their clothes yet.
Brett stopped what he was doing and just held her knowing that women like to be held after a climax but to his surprise she said, “Please don’t stop, I want more.”
Brett couldn’t believe his good fortune, she didn’t want to stop, thank God because he was just starting to get hard and the small interruption had made him deflate slightly but now it was full steam ahead. Brett continued the assault on her breasts but only after lowering her dress off her shoulders exposing them to be suckled with his mouth. He barely touched her nipples with his tongue and she had orgasm again. He felt her nails dig into his back as she groaned, “Ugh more, more.”
Holy smoke, what do I have here Brett thought, this girl is unbelievable. Brett felt her hand reach for his cock and grab it through his pants. She leaned down and started to rub it with her breasts, fuck I’ve got to get her into bed before she gets me too excited he thought.
He took her arms and said, “Lets go to my bed.”
“Yes hurry, I want you inside me, God I’m so hot.”
They went to the bedroom removing their clothes as they ran almost causing them to fall but also making them giggle at their plight. When they became naked they reached for each other to continue the stroking and kissing that had so inflamed them. Brett had gone slightly soft but Autumn was still at her sexual peak and again had orgasm as Brett felt her breasts. She wanted him inside her now and reached for his slightly deflated cock and felt that it wasn’t quite hard enough so she took it in her mouth and caressed it with her tongue until she had the result she wanted.
“Lie on your back so I can mount you,” she growled.
Bret did as asked and Autumn lowered herself onto his erection. She began to move up and down his shaft until she climaxed again and pulled herself as far down on him as she could.
“Oh God this is so good, don’t come yet, roll me over and get on top and then fuck me, fuck me hard, I want to feel you all the way to my throat.”
Brett rolled her over and started to thrust in and out, harder and harder, Autumn came again and growled low in her throat, “Don’t ever come, I want to fuck all night,” then she flexed her vaginal muscles making her self tight around his cock. That was a mistake as that was all it took and Brett came. “Yes baby yes, give me all your cum, give me more, mm, yes, ohhhh, yes,” Autumn screamed as she once again had orgasm.
Brett lay on top on Autumn panting and trying to recover from one of his best sexual experiences ever. He had been with women that liked different positions but never with one that liked to talk dirty like she did. His mind began to wander thinking about how many times she had come and that each climax seemed to build on each other to a higher level. When he came it was great, almost one of the best he had ever had but it was over in seconds and he knew that was all he would have until tomorrow.
As his mind wandered his brain sent a weak message to his mouth that came out as a mumble, “What’s it like to come as a woman?” he groaned.
Autumn was in her last throws of orgasm and in her mind she wasn’t quite sure what she heard. “What did you say?”
“I was just wondering what it’s like to climax for a woman, is it better than a man’s or does it just last longer?”
“Oh it’s better for a woman no doubt, mine build and build but yours are quick, spurt, spurt and your done but not me, I could go all night long if you could. Every climax is like each of your spurts; it would be like each of your spurts lasting for half of a minute, it would take you ten minutes to come. Women come with much more intensity then a man. You arch your back go, “oh yes” and your done but not a woman, we have all the same feelings only stronger, it’s hard to describe, you would have to be a woman to understand.”
“I know but I just want to feel what you feel sometime, I don’t know it’s really weird coming as a man has become so routine that it all feels the same after a while, but after making love to you and watching you come time after time I wish I could do the same as a man.”
“I guess I can understand your feelings, I would hate it if I only came once and only lasted for twenty seconds, after knowing the joy of long lasting orgasm. I would do anything to be a woman but you just don’t flip a switch and change sexes. You would have to have the right equipment to know the thrill of being a woman and a man doesn’t have the right places for sex like a woman except one and unless you’re gay that won’t work.”
“I guess your right but how is it that you climaxed so easily this evening, I mean I hardly touched you and you came, not once but many times, it was almost a surreal experience watching you?”
“It was easy, I’m a woman, a woman in love with her femininity. I was already aroused when I met you at the club. You have to be a woman to understand what it is like just getting ready to go out. First you take a bubble bath with scented oils, which caress your body and make you feel silky all over. It may sound silly but even shaving your legs and underarms is sensual and adds to the experience. After you dry off you don your lingerie, not just any lingerie but the sexiest you have, wispy panties made of satin and lace and a lace bra that barely covers your nipples, then you apply your makeup and because it is evening you use all shades of shadow and blush, add mascara, line your eyes and then put on the sexiest lipstick and gloss you own. Then you decide which dress and heels to wear and after you have finished dressing the whole experience is such a turn on you’re ready to have a man bed you and you’re wound so tight sexually that orgasm is easy to achieve, I just wish you could experience it once in your life.”
“I wish I could too but I guess that wouldn’t be possible.”
Autumn looked up at her lover and held him tight as his penis deflated and plopped out of her. He was such a caring and loving person she wished she could help him make his wish come true.
“Brett, I was just thinking, maybe there is a way for you to experience what it is like to be a woman making love.”
“How could you do that, I’m a man?”
“That’s just it, we make you into a woman.”
“I don’t want to be a woman I just want to experience what it’s like to make love like a woman and know what it is like to have multiple orgasm.”
“I don’t mean really make you into a woman, just make you almost like a woman enough to see what it is like to have sex as one.”
“How would we do that, I really don’t look much like girl right now and besides how would I have sex?”
“Making you look like a girl is the easy part, the sex thing is a little harder. If you want to do this thing I will help you become, as much of a woman as possible but the sex thing is something else. You will have to overcome certain feelings toward homosexuality, as your rear will have to function as your female sex organ. I’ve done that before and after you get used to it, it can be very pleasurable almost like having a vagina but not quite the same, but you don’t want to cut your thing off so it will be as close to the real thing that you can get.”
“Are you telling me that I can actually become a woman and find out what a female orgasm is like?”
“Yes as close as possible without actually having your thing made into a vagina, at least you will be able to experience it close enough to see what it is like for a woman.”
“This sounds like it could be fun. Let me get this straight, I remain a man but I get to have sex like a woman, I want to try, when can we start?”
“We can start tomorrow after my photo shoot, I’ll pick some things up at Macy’s before I come by and then the great makeover can begin. I just hope you don’t get too turned on by the whole thing because new sexual experiences can be very life changing.”
“Don’t worry, I just want to know what a woman experiences during orgasm and after I find out it’s back to good old Brett Steele.”
Autumn stayed the night and went directly to work from Brett’s penthouse. She didn’t have to change as the studio had showers and she had a change of clothes in her locker. Brett woke to find Autumn gone and wondered if the previous evenings conversation was a dream or for real.
Any doubt was shattered when the phone rang.
“Hi Brett, it’s Autumn, were going to be done with the shoot early so I should be there around three with all the stuff, see you then.”
Brett could hardly open his mouth before the phone went dead, crap this really is going to happen, I’d better let Bill know what’s going on before he comes over here and has a heart attack.
Bill Robertson was Brett’s personal assistant and handled all of his business dealings. He was also his closest friend and was involved in his social life as well.
Brett called Bill on his cell phone to let him know about the next goofy thrill he wanted to embark on, this not being the first.
“Hello.”
“Hey Bill, it’s Brett, I just wanted to call you and tell you about this thing I want to try so when you see me you don’t have a cow.”
“What kind if dumb ass thing are you up to now?”
“Well it’s kind of hard to explain. You know how I am when I want to do something; I just jump in headfirst and worry about the consequences later. You remember when I decided to race off road motorcycles and ended up buying that thousand-acre plot of land just so I could practice and it did pay off; I became a B rider after only one year. Well I met this girl who is absolutely incredible. Dude we had the most incredible sex last night and after we were done I was talking to her about male and female orgasm and which was better and figured the only way to find out was to do it as a woman.”
Brett could hear the breathing on the other end of the line so he knew the call had not been dropped.
After about thirty seconds Brett asked, “Yo dude, you there?”
“Yeh, I’m here. What in the fuck are you thinking, have you gone crazy. I know they say masturbating will make you crazy, but maybe fucking a different woman every night will too. Look just tell this girl that she can’t talk you into doing such a crazy stunt, find another piece of ass and forget her.”
“It wasn’t her idea, it was mine, and I just want to know what sex feels like as girl. I’m not going to do anything permanent, I’m just going to mess around with it, it will probably take a week or so to find out and then it will be over. I just didn’t want you to come by with some important papers to sign and find me in a dress and have a shit fit. Come on dude it will still be me just a little more feminine for a week or so until I find out what it is like.”
“Look it’s your life and you’re going to do what you want, you always have but I just don’t want you to get hurt by some stupid broad with an agenda against men.”
“She doesn’t have an agenda, just the opposite, she loves men as men and I don’t even know why she is helping me do this, but as she said it’s a new thing for her too and it might be kind of fun.”
“Well good luck old buddy, I’ll try not to be to shocked and promise not to laugh when I see you, you know I’ll always be there for you since were almost like brothers anyway.”
Brett hung up the phone and wondered what the hell he was doing; maybe Bill was right he had lost his mind. Maybe having too much money was a curse and there was always another perverted thrill to try but his curiosity always got the best of him and maybe he would be so much the better from this adventure.
Brett was startled from his thoughts as the intercom rang from the doorman.
“Mr. Steele, I have a Miss Autumn Johansson to see you, should I allow her entry?”
“Yes Fred, she’s a guest of mine, thank you.”
Autumn exited the elevator with bags of goods in Macy bags.
“Wow did you buy out the store?” Brett asked.
“Of course not silly these are just a few basic things to get started. I need you to remove all your clothes so I can see what we are working with.”
Brett removed his clothes and presented himself for inspection.
“Hmm, this might be more of a challenge than I thought,” stated Autumn. “I can see we have a lot of work to do just to make you presentable. The first thing you will have to do is get rid of all your body hair and that two-day beard fashion statement has to go. Take this cream and rub it all over your body, wait for fifteen minutes and then take a shower to rinse it off. You can shave your face but make sure it’s a close shave.”
“What about those bubble bathes you were talking about?”
“You’re not going out on a date yet and this is serious stuff so get started because we don’t have the luxury of a lot of time right now and I want to go out with my friends tonight. I know this sounds harsh and it’s not meant to be but I do have a life of my own. I will help you realize the dream you have about discovery but I also have needs and sleeping with a guy dressed as a girl isn’t one of them. I know I was just a lay for you last night and you were also for me so I know that me going out isn’t a big thing for you so I want you to think of us as girl friends and nothing more, but I will be here to help you and when you are finished with your experiment maybe we can sleep together again.”
Brett took in the words Autumn had said and she was right, she was just another piece of ass for him and even though he hadn’t even removed his hair he felt alone for the first time in his life. What she had said was right on the mark and he couldn’t blame her for not wanting to sleep with a hairless man trying to look like a woman. He was still Brett and nothing had changed and yet the pull from his experiment was drawing him to a perversion he couldn’t control. Brett took the depilatory and went into the bathroom to begin his adventure into womanhood.
Brett finished his shower and came out as smooth as a babies ass. Autumn came over and looked and prodded, had him turn one way then the other. She looked at his face and just shook here head.
“Brett this is going to be hard to do on short notice. I thought it would be easy but it’s not going to be. Luckily I’ve had some theatrical makeup classes so I will do the best that I can under the circumstances. Here is your lingerie bag, I want you to put on a pair of panties and a bra and then I will do your makeup.”
Brett feeling somewhat the fool pulled a pair of panties up his legs. Being a man that likes sexy things he grabbed the sexiest ones he found in the bag. As they slid up his legs he felt a smoothness and sensuality he had never felt before, he was becoming aroused. Next the bra went on which Autumn had to hook for him. There he stood with tented panties and a ridiculous looking flat bra drawn across his muscular chest.
“How much do you work out?” Autumn asked.
“Everyday, why do you ask?”
“Because you look like a muscle builder with a bra on. If you want this to work out you’re going to have to stop lifting weights and you’re going to have to go on a diet. I bought some breast forms and that will help shape the bra, but you are too muscular on top and will look stupid as a woman, slip these in your bra and then let me do your makeup.”
Brett put the forms in the bra, which did make it look better, but there was no way anyone would mistake him for a woman. Autumn had him sit on a chair and worked on his makeup for an hour before finally stating that she was finished. Brett looked at himself in the mirror and didn’t recognize himself. A rather attractive woman was looking back, or maybe one should say a handsome woman was looking back, one with unmistakable male features.
“Brett you don’t look too bad in the face but your body sucks. You are going to have to lose weight, at least fifty pounds and then we will have something to work with, but until then you are just fooling yourself. What we can do though is teach you all the rest of being feminine while you get into shape. I will need to pluck your brows and your hair must grow longer so we can style it, also let your fingernails grow so they can be sculpted. The last thing is deportment, you have to learn how to walk and move all over again or people will know you’re a man. I hope you can find a voice coach because your voice doesn’t cut it either, so what do you think of your little experiment so far, it isn’t so little is it?”
“Autumn I didn’t think it would be so much work, but if there is little effort then there is little gain and my best friend Bill knows when I put my mind to something I usually succeed. I’ll start my diet tonight and I hope you will show me everything else I need to learn if that’s alright with you girl friend?”
“You bet it is that’s what girl friends are for,” she said as she gave him a hug.
That was the start for Brett but not the finish. Over the next six months Brett lived as a woman 24/7 and learned how to become one, so much for the one week and I will be done statement. Bill visited several times a week for business and to see how his friend was doing. True to his word he was always there although he did laugh the first time he saw Brett. Bill met Autumn and saw that she was indeed a very special friend and not the person he first thought she was. Brett was down to one hundred thirty two pounds, his hair was long enough to style his nails were always shaped and painted as were his toes. His ears were pierced and he had learned how to do his makeup and dress himself. He had pads for his hips and forms for his chest and the lack of muscular activity had left his arms and legs somewhat less muscular but one could still see small amounts of masculine definition. Brett was however ready to push the experiment to it’s conclusion.
“Autumn, I think I’m ready to have some guy make love to me. I feel so much like a girl that I know I can do it then I can be Brett again, what do you think?”
“There is no doubt that you are as much of a woman as you will ever be without hormones and surgery and we don’t want to go there. Now I will have to do something to you that I really don’t want to do and that is to get you ready for sex. I’ve been preparing for this day and I knew it would come so now I have to help you loosen your ass so some man can penetrate you and you can have your womanly experience.”
Autumn took Brett to the bedroom and had him remove his clothes.
“Brett I want you to put this pillow under you and push your hips up in the air. What I’m going to do is make you ready for sex with a man. Normally you will have a lot of foreplay before this happens but I’m not into girls so I’m sorry but we will have to skip that part. This may hurt a little but I will try to be gentle.”
Autumn took some KY jelly and rubbed it all over I small tapered dildo and then on Brett’s ass. She slowly pushed it in taking her time so as to let Brett’s sphincter relax. Brett started to moan but it was hard to tell if it was a moan of pain or pleasure, probably pain though as the dildo wasn’t deep enough for pleasure
“Shh, baby just relax, it’s okay you’ll be a woman soon enjoy the pain, relax, feel the pleasure, that’s it baby take more yes, yes, that’s it almost all the way in, mmm, it feels good doesn’t it, now I’m going to fuck you, take it deep, enjoy it, love being a woman, oh yes, yes that’s my girl move with the thrusts, show me that you want it, yes just like that.”
Brett was moaning now but there was no doubt it was from the pleasure of being fucked. His mind was changing, he was becoming a woman and he wanted more of this thing that was penetrating him.
“Uhgn, oh, mmm, yes fuck me harder, deeper, please baby deeper,” Brett moaned. Brett was out of control and Autumn knew it because she had been there herself. She knew that now was the time to turn Brett into a woman as he was now loose enough for a real man size dildo, average size but larger then the tapered insert she was using. She reached for a realistic looking dildo that looked like a real dick around seven inches long and of normal size. Autumn withdrew the tapered dido and greased the larger one and rushed to insert it before Bret had a chance to tighten himself again.
“No baby no, please don’t take it away please I want it please,” Brett moaned.
“Shh baby shh, I have something better for you, here take it, take it all, become a woman,” Autumn said as she pushed the dildo into Brett.
“Ow, it huuuurts oh, ung, oh, oh, ohhhh, yes, oh baby yes mmmm that feels so good, fuck me, fuck me slow, oh yes, yes,ohhhhh,” Brett moaned as Autumn fucked him deeply with the dildo. Autumn slowly sped up the action until Brett came all over the pillow with gobs of cum. Brett was spent, he had climaxed and was satisfied, he was proud of himself, he was a woman.
“Oh God, Autumn that was incredible, now I know what you mean and how a woman feels when she is fucked, thank you.”
“That’s not how a woman feels when she has sex, you came like a man only you were screwed like a woman. You need to have a real man bed you to know what it really feels like. You need to pick up a man, take him home and screw him royally and then you will be a woman. You must also have an orgasm like a woman, just the feel and glow of one without the mess, then you will be a woman.”
“Do you mean that a female orgasm is even better than that?”
“That’s what I’m saying, when you have one you will know.”
“I want one so bad and after what you did I want to go find a man, will you help me?”
“Yes, I’ll get you ready and then we’ll go. Brett you have to pick out a girls name if we do because Brett doesn’t make it as a girls name.”
“I think I’d like to be called Ashley, for some reason I love that name.”
“That is a nice name, good choice, lets get ready.”
Autumn and Ashley bathed and dressed to the nines, as this was a hunt, a hunt for a man. Ashley wore a red mandarin collar dress and Autumn her low cut little black dress. Both wore four-inch heels and looked good, at least Autumn did but Ashley as hard as she tried still looked like a man in drag.
They went to a club and sure enough they got stares but all of the action would always gravitate towards Autumn. The only hit Ashley got all night was from a disgusting man who looked and smelled as though he hadn’t bathed in a week. When he approached Ashley, Autumn told him to get the hell away and that he was disgusting.
“Yeh, well who else do you thinks going to try to pickup a man dressed in woman’s clothes. The only reason I tried is that I’m bi and I don’t care what HE looks like, so screw you,” he shouted as he walked away.
Brett looked like he was hit with a fist, he looked and then the tears came. Autumn came to him and held him until he stopped crying.
“What a fool I’ve been, thinking that I could be a woman and the whole time everyone was just laughing at me, I want to leave, lets go home please,” Brett cried as he walked toward the door.
Autumn ran after him and took him in her arms and said, “I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have brought you here, let’s go.”
Brett and Autumn returned to Brett’s penthouse and undressed, removed their makeup and went to bed, Brent disgusted and Autumn wondering what kind of sorrow she had brought upon Brett. She knew he wasn’t ready to go into the real world and never would be looking like he did, she knew that you couldn’t take a handsome virile man and make him into a woman with just clothes and makeup. She knew some men could pass quite easily but they were the rare ones and a man that looked as strong and manly as Brett might fool someone but that someone would be hard to find. She would have to talk to him in the morning.
Brett and Autumn awoke and had some coffee. Brett was still feeling somewhat the fool and moping around the kitchen.
“Brett stop feeling sorry for yourself. You looked good last night, you were dressed nicely and your makeup was flawless. The only problem is that you still look too much like a man and no matter how hard we try you will still look like a man in a dress. I think you should stop this thing you’re doing and forget about it and go on with your life and consider this an experience that taught you that you can’t make something out of something that’s not there.”
“I thought you were my friend Autumn, you brought me out to make a fool of myself and you won. I told you when I started this thing that I don’t quit until I can do no more. I thought about this all night long and then I looked at myself in the mirror, no makeup just me and I could see why I don’t look like a woman, I have a man’s body and face, everything is hard looking. I thought about how I could become softer looking, I could eat more and become fat, but then I would just be a fat man in a dress. Then it hit me, what makes a woman soft and a man hard, hormones and that was it, I made the decision that I would become soft and feminine and not get fat, I’ll take hormones, that will be the answer.”
“Brett you are my friend and if I had known people would react that way we would never had gone out to the club. I love you so much as a girl friend that I lost sight of what other people would see. I see you as my attractive girl friend and not someone to make fun of. I want the best for you and you know it or I would have stopped seeing you months ago. I don’t think you should take hormones because they might ruin you. There might not be any going back to being a man again, I don’t think you should mess with them.”
“I told you I never do things half-assed and I’ve made my decision, I’m going to a Dr. in the morning.”
True to his word Brett was done with his appointment by noon and had his first injection of hormones coursing through in his system and a prescription for six months worth of injection able estrogen with a testosterone blocker. How could he do it this fast? In his case the old saying applies, “Money talks and bullshit walks,” and with the right amount of money Brett can buy most anything?
Another six months has passed and the hormones have done their work although more time and hormones will be needed. Brett’s face has become softer looking and he has begun to develop a figure of his own. He has been able to discard the hip pads he once had to wear and has become more of a woman in all aspects looking at the world in a different way. It was time to try the outside world again and this time he wanted to succeed.
“Autumn, I want to try passing in public again, I feel that I’m ready,” he said in a very sexy feminine voice.
“We can try if you’d like but before we do I want to make a trial run here so that you won’t be embarrassed again like the night we went out together and only that creep hit on you.”
“I don’t want that to happen either but look at me, I don’t need the hip pads anymore, my face is rounder looking and I even have small breasts. If I can succeed tonight and have my orgasm with a man I can end my experiment and be normal again.”
“Brett I would like to end it as well, I’m getting tired of making you into a woman and I think you are right, there isn’t much else we can do, we work with what we have. You’re just lucky that you have as much money as you do or all the lessons and training wouldn’t have been done. Everything you do now screams woman, so the last thing to do is make you up and get you dressed. I want to take a video of your transformation as we proceed and after I’m done we will both decide if you really are ready or not.”
“That sounds fair to me, lets get started.”
Autumn set the video camera on a tripod and began the filming. She had Brett strip naked and stand in front of the camera. Before anything was done to improve Brett’s appearance pictures were taken from all sides so a logical decision could be made. Brett donned his panties, the sexy ones with lots of lace and the bra to match. Brett loved the feel of these items and would probably have sported an erection if the hormones hadn’t taken their toll on his masculinity. Next Autumn did his makeup in an alluring nighttime come fuck me look. On went the garter belt and sheer tan nylons, then the breast forms and last came four-inch heels. Autumn then shot the video of Brett from all sides with full body shots, close-ups and different angles. Brett then put on his dress, a dark blue satin number, low-cut to show cleavage and ending mid-thigh for the long leg look. On went the camera again and the same thing all over again full body then close-ups.
“Brett you look stunning, or maybe I should call you Ashley again?”
“I’d like that, I love being called Ashley and it seems much more appropriate because of the way I look now, let’s look at the video.”
Autumn plugged the camera into the DVD player and the two girls watched the transformation take place. The first shots showed Ashley with nothing on. The pictures were strange to look at. The full body shots were the most disturbing, from the feet up the legs were well defined and soft looking, show girl legs, legs that stop traffic, the hips were nicely rounded and flowed seductively into a small tight waist, the girls butt curved out in a way that said take me, then the trouble started, the breasts were tiny, maybe a double A cup yet the areolas were womanly in size and as the picture continued up to the neck the Adam’s apple came into play as did the red over shaved skin of the neck and face. The face was next, the square manly jaw, the nice masculine nose, the strong forehead with the brows too low and finally we arrived at the exquisitely styled hair grown long enough to look like a woman’s. After the transformation the legs were even more exciting, nylons hugging them tightly shaping them perfectly adding a tanned look, then her hips curved out seductively as the camera went the rest of the way up her figure to the bra. With the forms placed in the bra her breasts looked better but the cleavage just didn’t look right, next the heavy makeup to cover the razor burn did nothing to hide the Adam’s apple in fact it made it look more pronounced. The face looked wonderful, sexy and beautiful but there was no hiding the masculinity of the shape of it. With the dress on Ashley looked wonderful almost like a woman, in a transgender night club she would be an attraction worthy of pursuit but that’s not what she wanted, she wanted to be a real woman and have a real man show her the true meaning of sex.
“What do you think Ashley?”
The tears were forming in Ashley’s eyes as she answered, “I still see a man when I look at myself, I’m so depressed right now, I spent a whole year trying to become a woman just to experience a woman’s orgasm and look at me I still look like crap, I’m soft looking but yet I still look like a man, I’ve got to experience woman’s sex or this is all a waste.”
“Ashley, don’t cry we can still try something else. I can take you to that nightclub in the village where all the cross-dressers go and maybe you can pick some guy up have him do you and then you will be done with the experiment.”
“I don’t know if I want to do that. If some guy picks me up he will know I’m a man and if he screws me he knows that he is doing another man so what difference would that have been then if I had just had a gay relationship at the beginning and not tried to be a woman, no I have to do this as a woman and because of all the time I have invested I’m going to play this out to the finish no matter what it takes. I’m going to see if my Dr. can increase my hormones so my breasts will grow larger and my face will become more feminine, I know that’s the answer.”
“Ashley I don’t think that’s such a good idea, if you were to stop the hormones now you would probably gain the ability to have erections and have male sex again but with more hormones you might become sterile.”
“Right now I’m willing to take the gamble, I told you I was stubborn when I set my mind to something, and I don’t like a task unfinished, you’re the best girl friend a person could have and I love you for it Autumn so please stick by me now, I need you.”
“Ashley I will, I just worry about you and I don’t want you to do something that you will be sorry for later. This experiment isn’t that important for you to risk your health and well being to prove a point, you know what it is like to have a male orgasm and that should be enough.”
“Autumn, I have to do this, remember the night we made love and you had one climax after another, well I want to experience that once in my life more than anything and I can’t as a man.”
“Alright Ashley, no matter what you decide from here on out I will be your best friend and I will help you no matter what ever you decide to do.”
“Thank you Autumn, I love you.”
The next day Ashley’s Dr. was at the penthouse the examine her. How could this be, Doctors don’t do house calls, remember what I said money talks.
“Dr. Simpson, I’ve been thinking that if you put me on a higher dose of hormones my breasts will grow faster and my face will look more feminine, and body my hair will go away”
“Brett, your breasts are going to take time to grow but they might only reach an A-cup at most. The hormones would have had a much better result if you had started them when you were a teen. You would have developed like any other teen-age girl but you are well into your twenties so the effect won’t be as great. The hormones aren’t going to soften your face anymore than they already have and the hormones aren’t going to make your hair go away, they might make it a little more fine, but it will still be there.”
“Please call me Ashley now, but how can I become more feminine looking?”
“The only other way is surgery and electrolysis. If you’re that serious I can recommend a plastic surgeon that specializes in this type of surgery. Remember though this type of surgery isn’t reversible so I wouldn’t be to eager to have it done.”
“Please Dr. Simpson there is nothing more important to me right now, I must have it done.”
“Alright, I’ll have my office call you with a referral this afternoon and I will explain to the other Dr. that time is of the essence and that you will be more than happy to compensate him for fitting you into his very busy schedule.”
“Thank you so much.”
“Oh I almost forgot, I renewed your prescription for hormones, even if you have this surgery you must continue they’re use or you will look masculine again.”
That afternoon the referral arrived and the surgery consultation was schedule for the following week, because of the need for x-rays Ashley would have to venture forth to the surgeons office.
The day finally arrived and Ashley was beside herself.
“Autumn, do I look alright, is my makeup okay, is my skirt wrinkled, do my heels match my outfit, are my nails the right color, is my hair mussed?”
“God Ashley you’re going to drive me crazy, calm down, all the Dr. is going to do is take some x-rays and tell you what he can do for you, just relax.”
“But what if they think I look like a man, I’ll just die.”
“Jeez Ashley think about it, if you didn’t look like a man you wouldn’t be going there in the first place, take it easy that’s why they’re there, to help girls like you become more feminine looking.”
“I’m sorry, it’s just that I’m scared, this is so permanent.”
“You can back out now before it’s too late.”
“You know I can’t and even if it doesn’t work out being a woman isn’t that bad, in fact it’s kind of fun and I can’t wait to go shopping at a real store and not on line like we have for the past year.”
“Well girl friend it looks like the hormones are working after all, the first thing a woman learns is that she must shop until she drops, I can’t wait.”
Ashley’s taxi arrived and brought her to the surgeon’s office. She was wearing a knee length skirt and panty hose with a cute blouse and shawl. The taxi driver kept looking at Ashley’s legs and try as she may the skirt wouldn’t come down past mid thigh. At first it was bothering her but after a few minutes she realized that this was something she would have to put up with as a woman and actually became flattered by the attention. The only bad thing was when the driver looked at her face and sneered slightly making Ashley feel self-conscious, but then he let his eyes wander back to her gorgeous legs.
Ashley was ushered immediately into an examination room.
“Miss Steele would you please remove your clothes and put on this smock?” asked the nurse.
“Do I have to remove my panties?”
“No you may leave them on.”
Ashley did as told and had barely finished when the Dr. walked in.
“Hello Ashley, I’m Dr. Finegold. Dr. Simpson called me and said that you had some very special requests that I might help you with and that you would like them done as soon as possible.”
“Yes that’s correct. I want to look as feminine as possible and she said you’re the best.”
“Ah Liz is always one to flatter but enough of that, let’s take a look at you, please remove your gown.”
Dr. Finegold examined Ashley poking and prodding, feeling her breasts and face and when he finished he said, “Ashley, I can definatly help you. You’re quite tall for a girl, what about six-feet?”
“Yes, almost six-one.”
“The reason I asked is that I’m going to give you a breast augmentation and I like to make the breasts fit the body. Generally speaking I like the breasts to look natural and breasts that are too big for the body don’t look natural, they look fake. I’m sure you’ve seen short girls with large breasts that don’t match the size of their body and commented that they look fake even if they’re not so I want to match your breasts to your body. I think you will look best with D-cup implants. I know your thinking wow just what I need another wet dream for some pervert, but I have a reason for that size. You are a man and have broader shoulders than a woman and because of your height you need larger breasts to balance the look of your body. If I were to give you smaller breasts granted your chest would not draw as much attention as larger breasts but the smaller breasts would make your shoulders look wider and as your surgeon I want you to look perfect because it is my reputation that’s on the line. Now that was the easy part. The next things that I want to do are a bit more involved. I will fix your Adam’s apple with a tracheal shave and you won’t see the scar because there is a natural crease where I make the incision for the procedure. The hardest part will be your face. It will take a lot of work but it is possible to do without scaring to your face. What I will do is reshape your jaw through your mouth so none of the incisions will be seen and then I will do your forehead by cutting above your hairline and pulling your skin down so I can shave your bones and then afterward your hair will hide the scar. Do you have any questions?”
“No you were pretty thorough, how long will the operation last?”
“The actual surgery should take around four hours but the recuperation will take about four months until everything is healed, it isn’t a fun operation but after everything is done you will wonder why you didn’t do this sooner.”
“When can I have it done?”
“Normally it would take five months to schedule everything but Liz said you are in a rush and I think with right kind of encouragement we might be able to find an opening this Friday.”
“I think Dr. Simpson has explained to you that there shouldn’t be an obstacle to achieving our goals,” Ashley said as she withdrew her checkbook. “What about my electrolysis, when should I get that done?”
“It would be best if you did it before the surgery. Let me refer you to a dermatologist and they will be able to take care of you needs. They’re on the next floor down so go by there now and I will explain what is happening to them so that you can have the procedure done as soon as possible.”
Ashley entered the dermatologist’s suite for consultation. The nurse had her strip so the Dr. could examine her skin.
The Dr. entered the room and looked very carefully at Ashley. After the examination she looked at Ashley and said, “You have a lot of hair to remove and Dr. Finegold told me that you are in a rush. I think we can eliminate most of your hair in two sessions. What we will do is bring you in and sedate you and then three technicians can work on you for a full day. You won’t feel any pain since you will be unconscious while we do our work, however this can be very expensive. When would you like to start?”
“Is tomorrow too soon?”
“No it’s not, that would be perfect, this way we can work into Dr. Finegolds schedule for your surgery, be here at seven AM so we can prep you, see you then,” said the Dr. as she left the room.
Ashley returned home and told Autumn what she was going to do.
“I guess you know that if you do this thing you will look like a woman for the rest of your life?”
“I’m sure they can reconstruct my face if I wish, money can buy almost anything.”
“I know that, but what happens after this thing is over? Will you want to reconstruct your face and body? Is it that important to discover the differences between men’s’ and women’s’ orgasm? Ashley you really shouldn’t do this to yourself, it isn’t worth it.”
“It is to me, I know that regaining my masculinity will be difficult but after I’ve seduced my man and had my orgasms I can stop. It might be hard but I’ll fix everything and become Brett Steele again. Plastic surgeons can do wondrous things and with the right amount of money I will again become a man.”
“I hope so for your sake, ending up as some thing you don’t want to be is a terrible thing to happen.”
“How do you know?”
“Because when I was a young girl I thought I wanted to be a gymnast and go to the Olympics. My mom and dad enrolled me in classes and I started to train. I was pretty good so the coach pushed me harder and harder to the point that I had no friends or social life. My life was the balance beam, mat, vault and uneven bars. I went to tournament after tournament, working harder all the time. As I grew I became too tall to be competitive and my parents were devastated, try harder they said, you can do it they said, my coach said pull it together you can do it, try harder. I was fourteen and I was already five foot —seven, the same height I am now and was developing into a young woman. Really good gymnasts are short and anorexic but I was tall and built, I looked like I was eighteen years old. The coach told my parents that he would teach me privately so I could continue to compete. One evening while I was doing a vault I twisted my ankle and the coach helped me to the bench to have me lie down. He began rubbing my ankle to make it feel better but as he did I felt his hands move higher on my leg. I knew it wasn’t right but it felt good and I loved and trusted my coach. I was almost fifteen and in the height of puberty and as he moved higher I began to have other feelings that I couldn’t explain. He told me how pretty I was and kept caressing my leg moving higher and higher until he touched my private place. I jumped but he told it was all right not to worry he was just trying to make me feel better. To make a long story short he ended up raping me that night, not forcibly but because I was so young I didn’t know the difference and thought I was doing the right thing for my coach. I never said a thing to anyone thinking it was my fault that he did what he did. After that he made love to me almost every time we had practice, not realizing that he was taking advantage of me until another girl came forward and told the police what he was doing. I was so ashamed that I never told anyone until now and after that I hated gymnastics and that’s why I’m telling you to be careful.”
“Oh Autumn that’s terrible you poor thing, but this is different, this is something I want more than anything, everything will be okay.”
Tuesday morning came and Ashley was at the dermatologist’s office at seven AM. The nurse inserted an IV and then the anesthesiologist put her under so the procedure could begin.
Ashley awoke eight hours later and felt like her skin was on fire.
“Ow this hurts.” she whined.
“It will for several hours so I will give you some pain pills to take if it hurts too much. We made a lot more progress than I thought we would so you will only need around six hours tomorrow to finish. After that you can come back at your leisure to clean up any strays,” the Dr. said.
Wednesday was like the previous day; Ashley finished her hair removal and couldn’t wait for Friday.
Friday came and Ashley went under the knife. When she awoke she was bandaged from her waist to the top of her head.
“Oh,” she groaned.
Autumn had spent the day with her best friend and said, “You’re awake, how do you feel?”
“Like I was used for batting practice, I hurt all over.”
“Well that’s the price for beauty girl friend, don’t worry only another week of pain and then its only three months to a beautiful new you.”
“Ugh, I should have remained a man, just kidding, I know this will be worth it, it just hurts so bad.”
“Why don’t you go back to sleep, it will make you feel better, sweet dreams princess.”
Ashley fell back asleep and awoke twelve hours later feeling a little better but still sore. When will this all end she wondered, was it really worth it to find out the differences between a man and woman? Being stubborn can be such a disadvantage sometimes and the pain it can cause makes one wonder if it really is worth the trouble. She once again drifted back to sleep pondering her decision to do this thing.
The months past and finally Ashley was one hundred percent healed. Dr. Finegold had done a remarkable job, not only were all traces of masculinity gone but he had reconstructed Ashley’s face to epitomize the very meaning of beauty. She was gorgeous and she was tall and shapely. The hormones had done their job; she was soft looking everywhere, curving in and out where she should.
“Ashley, you’re so pretty I can’t believe it. Your breasts look so natural and your face looks like you were born with it,” commented Autumn.
“Thank you, I love my breasts, they feel so soft and big but they’re so sensitive to the touch. When I shower it sends tingles all through my body when I touch them, are they supposed to do that?”
“Of course they are, you’re a woman now and I think it’s time for that woman to go out into the real world, you’ve been a hermit long enough. Let’s go shopping it’s time for you to know why you did this thing to yourself.”
Ashley and Autumn did indeed go shopping, hitting every store on Fifth Avenue. Ashley was turning heads wherever she went. People weren’t used to seeing such beauty walking on the street without the arm of a man to cling to. Ashley was becoming very self-conscious with the attention she was receiving.
“Autumn why are all these people staring at me, do I still look like a man?”
“Are you kidding, they’re staring because you’re so beautiful. I’m a model and you make me look plain by comparison, you’re a very beautiful woman Ashley.”
“Thank you but it still unnerves me to be looked at that way.”
“Don’t let it bother you, the men just want you and because you’re so pretty you intimidate them and the women are just jealous.”
“Still it does feel different.”
The girls finished shopping and had their purchases delivered to Ashley’s penthouse.
“Ashley, I think it’s time for you to go out again and try to find a suitable man so we can end this experiment.”
“After today I think you are right, lets pick something sexy and release ourselves on the world.”
“I think I know just the dress, that hot little number you bought at Bergdorff’s, it shows a lot of cleavage and with your long legs there won’t be a man out there that will be able to resist you.”
Autumn went home to her apartment to dress and Ashley finally was able to prepare for a date like she had always wanted. She drew a bath and put in bath-oils and bubble solution. She lowered her self into the relaxing liquid and knew that she hadn’t made a mistake in becoming a woman. She thought about all the things that had happened to her over the last two years, going from handsome man to beautiful woman. The water started to feel chilled so she lifted her leg out of the water and shaved one and then the other. She withdrew from the tub and wrapped the towel around her breasts and went to her room. Ashley had become very adept at putting on her makeup and when she was finished the most sexy woman looked back, look out men here I come she thought. Next came her sexiest lingerie, the tiny dress and heels, if Ashley couldn’t get her man tonight, she never would.
Ashley took a taxi to pickup Autumn. The driver almost hit two pedestrians because he couldn’t keep his eyes off of Ashley and her legs, which were exposed in an indecent manner because of her short dress.
Autumn rang Ashley into her apartment and they both squealed when they saw each other.
“Look out world here we come,” said Autumn.
“Autumn, I’m really nervous, what do I do if a man tries to pick me up”
“Go with your feelings, if you like him go with him but be selective, don’t go with just anyone, go with a man that makes your body ache for him. Don’t worry, you will know when he comes to you.”
“Are you sure I’ll know, I’ve never had that kind of experience.”
“Honey you’ll know, you will want him the minute you see him, trust me, you’ll know.”
The two girls went to “Obsessions,” maybe as a reminder of when this all started or maybe because that was where all the really good-looking men were. The line for entry was long but when the bouncer saw the two women he opened the rope for them to enter, two women this pretty had to be in the club as it had a reputation to uphold as having only the most beautiful people inside.
Autumn and Ashley were shown a table and by the time they had discarded their wraps someone had bought them a drink, a Cosmo of course.
“Who are these from?” asked Ashley
“Who cares, they’re free, don’t worry who ever bought them will be here soon enough and if they’re cute they can stay and if not we can blow them off.”
Sure enough two guys came over to hit on the girls but neither one rocked there boat so they politely thanked them for the drinks and then Autumn told them they were waiting for their boy friends. The sad look on their faces was classic and the thought of blowing twenty dollars on drinks for two girls that weren’t available just made it worse. The men left and the girls looked around the club to see what was available. It wasn’t long before they were asked to dance and dance they did. Dancing in heels was a whole new experience for Ashley but it became easier with practice. Several hours past and none of the men really did anything for the girls until Ashley looked up and saw him. She felt herself staring at this guy and her nipples becoming hard, this is the one she thought, Autumn was right I would know the one. The man looked around the club and noticed Ashley staring at him, what did I do forget to put on my pants he thought, I couldn’t be this lucky for her to want me, she’s so beautiful. Ashley smiled at the man and then looked away hoping that she hadn’t intimidated him. Please come over she thought, please, hoping that he would.
The man made his way to the table and said, “Hi, may I buy you a drink?”
“I would like that, why don’t you sit down with me,” Ashley answered.
“Another Cosmo?”
“Yes that would be nice, what’s your name?”
“Ron, Ron Smith, and yours is?”
“Ashley.”
“I’ve never seen you here before Ashley, is it your first time?”
“Yes, I came with my girl friend, she told me it’s a lot of fun here.”
The drinks arrived and Ron paid the waitress.
“Would you like to dance?” he asked.
“I would love to,” Ashley answered.
Ron led Ashley to the dance floor to dance. Ron stood about six-foot two so Ashley was about two inches taller than him with her four-inch heels but she didn’t care because she knew this was the man that was going to make her a real woman. Ashley was very new at this game as a woman and when a slow piece of music started Ron swept her into his arms. He put both of his hands around Ashley’s waist and pulled her tight against him. Not knowing what to do Ashley put both of her arms around his neck and laid her head on his shoulder. As the dance progressed Ashley could feel Ron becoming aroused against her pelvis. The hormones had done they’re work well because her penis didn’t even move yet she was becoming excited and her nipples were becoming hard as he rubbed against her. Ashley pulled Ron tighter wanting him to continue this petting that was causing her such distress. The dance ended and Ron looked at Ashley and gave her a kiss on the lips, the first kiss on those lips by a man. Ashley thought she would be repulsed by a man on man kiss but just the opposite was true, she felt herself go weak. Ron led her back to the table and suggested that they go somewhere quieter to which Ashley agreed. Ashley found Autumn and told her of her plans and would see her in the morning.
Ron caught a cab and brought Ashley to his town home over looking the Hudson River. As they entered Ashley noticed that Ron had good taste in furnishings, somewhat modern but very tasteful.
“I like your apartment,” Ashley said.
“Thank you, would you like something to drink?”
“Yes please, just a glass of water.”
Ron returned with a goblet of ice water with a lemon slice in it. Nice touch thought Ashley.
“Would you like to sit?” asked Ron.
“I would,” Ashley answered as she moved to the sofa.
Ron sat next to her knowing that she was ready for the next step. He put his arm around her and pulled her to his lips. He felt her yield to his advance and knew he would have his way with her this very evening. Ashley parted her lips and allowed Ron to probe her mouth with his tongue. Never had he felt such an inviting mouth and tongue, the smooth velvet like feel of her tongue was affecting him like no other had before. Ashley pulled him tight wanting to feel the muscular build rubbing against her chest. Ron reached between them and began to caress her breast with his hand. When Ron first felt her breasts she gasped and then moaned. As he felt her nipples becoming harder he left her lips and began to kiss her neck and shoulders causing her breathes to become short. Never had he had such an effect on a woman so quickly so he moved to remove her dress. He slowly lowered the zipper and the dress fell from her shoulders exposing her beautiful breasts. Ron lowered his mouth to suckle her nipples and when he did he felt her hand find his erection and hold it. Ashley had never felt anything so exquisite as the sucking on her breasts and the object in her hand. Suddenly there was a tension building in her body like a rubber band stretching to the breaking point and then releasing the tension all at once, Ashley had her first orgasm as a woman, oh my it was wonderful, but now she wanted more.
“Ron,” Ashley whispered unable to talk, “I’m having my period but I want you to fuck me in the worst way and I think we could do it differently if you want, could you please take my ass?”
Ron looked at the incredibly attractive woman with his staining penis in her sexy hand and said, “I would do anything you asked right now, yes lets go to my bed room.”
Ron led Ashley to his bedroom and removed his clothes and Ashley removed all but her panties. Ron took some lubricant and slid it into Ashley’s rear and then onto his penis. She got on the bed on all fours and pushed her hips up seductively. Ron couldn’t believe his good fortune and moved to complete their lovemaking. Ashley felt his penis push against her sphincter slowly opening her. God this really hurts she thought.
“Please go slow,” She said, “Rub my breasts.”
Ron did as instructed, as he rubbed her breasts Ashley felt a warm glow spread over her body and as it did her sphincter relaxed and Ron entered her. Ashley felt the pain go from discomfort to pleasure. Ron began to move in and out and as he did Ashley felt the rubber band stretch again and snap with another orgasm.
“Oh Ron, oh that feels so good, do it harder.”
Ron was one to take instruction well and did do it harder causing Ashley to climax two more times before he filled her with his seed. The two rested and Ron took her again, Ashley having orgasm five more times. After they fell asleep in each other’s arms.
Morning came and Ashley excused herself from Ron thanking him for a wonderful evening. He wanted to drive her home but she wasn’t ready for him to know where she lived. She did ask him for his phone number though because a girl sometimes needs a good man. Catching a cab she rode home with a well-fucked glow on her face.
Autumn came by her penthouse later that day.
“Ashley you have to tell me all about it, how did it go?”
“Oh my God girl I lost track of my orgasms, they felt so good, now I know what you mean by a female orgasm. They were almost as good as the male ones except I didn’t have to recover from them; they just built one on the other. I know I want to do it again. Ron was great he really knew how to make me feel good.”
“Are you telling me that male orgasms are better than female orgasms?”
“I’m afraid so, they’re just different and the male ones seem to feel better to me.”
“Ashley, I’ve had sex the way you did last night and its great but it’s not nearly as good as vaginal sex. Vaginal sex is way better than taking it in the rear. When I make love to a guy not only does he push his thing into me but also when he does, it rubs my clitoris and makes you orgasm beyond belief. Anal sex is good but you only get the feeling of penetration and not the rest of it.”
“Please don’t tell me that, I thought I had the typical female orgasm and now I find out there are even better ones, I don’t know what to do.”
“Chalk last night up to experience and move on. Try to go back to being a man and forget about orgasms, just enjoy them, the differences aren’t that important, give up this experiment.”
“I can’t, I have to finish it. I’ve had my hair removed, had my face done and had breasts implanted, I’m going to get a vagina, I have to it’s the only way.”
“Ashley have you lost your mind? If you do this you will never be a man again. You told me that they could reconstruct your face, they could remove your breasts and you will never have to shave again but if you do this thing there is no turning back. Once they remove your penis they won’t be able to reconstruct it. You were such a handsome man it would be a waste to see that go.”
“I’m not handsome anymore. It’s just that I have this need to finish what I’ve started and even if I can’t be a man again at least I won’t be dead or an invalid and will be able to enjoy my life so I’m going to have the operation and finish this thing.”
“Okay Ashley, I’ll be here for you, good luck.”
The following day Ashley was in Dr. Finegold’s office.
“Dr. Finegold, I can’t go on like this, I don’t feel complete, I want to become a complete woman, will you help me?”
“Of course I will Ashley, you’re very beautiful and you should be a complete woman. I don’t do that kind of surgery but I can recommend the best in that field, unfortunately they aren’t in New York City. You will have to travel and be gone for several weeks but it will be worth it for you. Here is a list of surgeons, go on line and investigate their work, that way you can make an intelligent decision as to which one to choose.”
“Thank you Dr., you have been an angel,” gushed Ashley. Where did that come from, I never talk like that she thought.
Ashley researched the various clinics where her surgery would take place and decided on one in Thailand.
“Autumn I’ve decided to go to Thailand for my operation, would you like to go with me?”
“When are you going?”
“I made financial arrangements with the clinic this morning and am flying out next week.”
“That’s really fast, are you sure you want to do this?”
“Yes more than anything, will you go with me?”
“It’s a slow month for me so yes I’ll go with you, after all we’ve been through this together from the start and what kind of girl friend would I be if I were to abandon you now?”
“Autumn, you’re the greatest, I love you,” and the two women hugged.
As the week progressed Ashley made arraignments with Bill on how to handle any business decisions that might arise while she was out of the country.
“Brett, I’m sorry I mean Ashley don’t worry about the business it will be fine, but I do worry about you. Remember I told you that you should have dumped the girl and that she was bad news but you wouldn’t listen to me and now she’s talked you into this operation, what in the hell are you thinking?”
“Bill you’re all wrong about Autumn, she’s even more against this thing than you. At first it was kind of a silly thing to do but as things progressed she asked me to stop but I couldn’t and then she became supportive of me and not the procedures, she’s been a wonderful friend.”
“To be straight forward you have become a very beautiful woman and it’s a little unnerving finding myself getting turned on by my best buddy. When you get back after the operation maybe we might be able to go out dancing and go on a date?”
“Bill are you telling me that you want to date me and maybe more?”
“You are very beautiful, any man would want to.”
“Bill you know as well as I do that wouldn’t be a good idea, it can create hard feelings between workers and that’s why I always use the saying, “Don’t dip your pen in company ink.”
“You’re right Ashley it’s just that you are so darn pretty and a nice person to boot.”
“Thanks Bill, you’re a doll. Please look after my affairs while I’m gone.”
Ashley and Autumn flew to Thailand the next week and found a luxury hotel that wasn’t devastated by the tsunami. Ashley then checked into the clinic and was operated on successfully; she was now officially Miss Ashley Steele. Ashley rested while Autumn enjoyed the sights of Thailand. The people at the clinic showed Autumn what care had to be done after the girls returned home from Thailand.
The weeks past and turned into months, Ashley was almost healed from the surgery and was starting to enjoy her daily use of her stents as she dilated herself. The feeling in her new clitoris was returning and she had an orgasm during her last use of the stent.
“Autumn, I did it I had orgasm, my vagina works. I can’t wait to have a man now and find out what real sex is like.”
“Ashley the Dr. said three to four months before you have the real thing. I would suggest that you see Dr. Finegold first to be sure everything is healed.”
“I will, I’m so excited.”
Another month past and we find Ashley in Dr. Finegold’s office. She is dressed in a charcoal gray business suit. The jacket is buttoned to below the breasts allowing her black camisole to show. Her cleavage is spectacular as is her hair and makeup. Her skirt stops two inches above her knees and her three-inch heels make her shapely legs look great.
“My, my Ashley you certainly have become one of my best looking girls. I would have to say that I would never have thought you were never anything other than a real girl, a spectacular one at that, so what brings you here today?”
“I want you to examine me to be sure that everything is healed so I can get on with my life.”
“Okay, go ahead and remove your clothes and I’ll be back in a minute.”
Ashley removed her clothes and put on that dreaded smock. Dr. Finegold returned and asked her to climb up on the examination table.
“Ashley I want you to put your feet in these stirrups, nurse Jensen would you help her please?”
Ashley’s feet were put into the stirrups and for the first time in her life she felt vulnerable. Dr. Finegold looked into her vagina and was amazed at the perfection of the surgery.
“Your surgeon did remarkable work, if I didn’t know better I would have thought you were born this way. Everything seems to be healed so I will release you to do what ever you choose, just be careful, you’re a woman now and women get disease as easily as men.”
“I will Dr., thank you so much for all that you have done.”
Ashley returned home and the only thought in her head was to finish her experiment.
She took the phone and dialed knowing just the person to call.
The phone rang twice before the man answered, “Hello.”
“Hi Ron, this is Ashley, I know you probably don’t remember me but I was just thinking about you. How have you been?”
“Ashley how could I forget the most beautiful woman in New York City. How have you been, where have you been, we have a lot of catching up to do, how about dinner tonight?”
“I was thinking the same thing, I’d love to have dinner with you, and Ron, I’m all done with my period.”
When Ashley said that his penis twitched.
“I’ll pick you up at seven, will you tell me your address now or do we have to meet someplace secret?”
“I’ll tell you at a later time, I just don’t like people to know where I live until I can trust them so I will meet you at Patsy’s at seven, see you then.”
Ron and Ashley met and had a wonderful dinner catching up on each other’s life during the absence of four months. They returned to Ron’s apartment to finish the evening making love.
Ashley was wearing another one of those dresses that was made to removed. Ron wasted no time removing it and kissing and licking her everywhere. He removed her panties but asked her to leave her garters, nylons and heels on. He led her to his bedroom and began licking her new clitoris. Ashley didn’t know such pleasure could exist as she had orgasm and pulled her heels against Ron’s back. Ashley was beside her self with pleasure and then when Ron pushed his penis into her she thought she had died and gone to heaven. Orgasm after orgasm crashed through her body as Ron pumped in and out of her. Ron finally came, flooding her with his sperm. Ashley raised her hips and pulled against Ron’s hips with her feet trying to pull him deeper. Now she knew what a woman felt like from the receiving end of sex when a man pumped himself into her. One last orgasm and she was spent. The two lovers just lay holding each other breathing heavily unable to talk.
Ron was finally able to speak, “Ashley that was great.”
“Mm, yes it was,” she sighed.
Ron softened and fell out of Ashley. Ashley wanted to be held, Ashley was in love, well actually Ashley was in lust but she was having new feelings that only a woman can have. Autumn was right vaginal sex was better, way better. Ashley stayed the night and they made love two more times until Ashley felt like she was a walking orgasm. She left in the morning but not before giving Ron her phone number and asked him to call.
Ashley returned home and called Autumn.
“Oh my God, you were right the sex was fantastic and it went on and on,” Ashley gushed.
“So you liked it?”
“Like it, I wish I could find a man that never ran out of steam. I couldn’t stop having orgasm it was so wonderful.”
“Well was it better than sex as a man?”
“Oh yes, except for the best time I had as a man.”
“Are you telling me that you had an orgasm as a man that was better?”
“Yes when I was younger, other than that it was better.”
“Tell me about it.”
“Well Ron and I went to his place and we,”
“No! Not Ron, tell me about the other time that was better.”
“Oh that, well I was seventeen years old and my girl friend and I had been dating for about five months. We were so much in love that all we ever did was live and breathe each other, we were never apart. Ashley was going to move to the west coast in another month and we would never see each other again. We decided to make love and when we did it was the most wonderful thing we ever did. We both had orgasm together and when my sperm flowed into her I felt like I was touching every nerve in her body. I loved her so and every time after that the feeling grew and as my sperm flowed into her it was like nothing I can describe, it was as though I was reaching her very soul. Nothing will be able to replace that. The feelings last night were incredible but not as good as when I was with Ashley.”
“Of course nothing can replace that feeling, you were in love and that just intensifies all the feelings. Maybe someday you will fall in love again and you will have the same kind of orgasm and this time your man will make you feel the same way you made Ashley feel. I know how that feels because I felt that way once myself and now I know why you chose your name, so you would always remember Ashley.”
“Yes you’re right about my name I loved her so. I told you about my best orgasm what was yours like?”
“It’s very hard for me to tell anyone about it. I feel very ashamed when I do. Remember when I told you about my gymnastics instructor and how he had raped me? After he did it the first time the second and third time came easy for him. It was always the same rub my ankle and legs, lay me on the bench and penetrate me. I didn’t know he was raping me because I didn’t fight it and he was my coach and I loved and trusted him. The fourth time was different. When my mom dropped me off at the gym instead of training me he took me up to a loft he had in his office and made love to me. This time it was different it was caring and loving. He stood behind me and put his arms around my waist and started kissing my neck and shoulders. As he did he moved his hands up to my breasts and rubbed them. I felt this tingling in my stomach. I felt a tension building and I was responding to him. I turned and kissed him and pulled him to me. I wanted him inside me, not forced like before but now I wanted it. He undressed me and laid me on the bed and penetrated me. As we made love I had my first orgasm and I knew I was in love. We finished and he told me never to tell anyone what we had done so we could be together as lovers. Being only fourteen I was stupid enough to think he really meant what he was saying. One of his other students found out she was pregnant by him that very day and told her parents who the father was. The next day my lover was arrested but I would never be able to tell anyone because of the shame I bore. He was sentenced to five years in jail and when he got out he disappeared and I never saw him again. I was so naive, he was my coach and I trusted him and never thought he would hurt me.”
“You poor thing, what a bastard, how old was he?”
“Thirty two, can you believe a man that age going after a fourteen year old girl, I think about it now and it disgusts me, but at the time I didn’t know any better.”
“I feel so bad for you.”
“I’m alright, you’re the one that should feel bad but for yourself. You went and had all these operations to prove whether men or women had better orgasms and you found out that it wasn’t the physical act that mattered but the love you have for the person you are having that act with. You poor fool you gave up your masculinity for that.”
“Autumn I didn’t give anything up, I discovered there was a difference but I also discovered that being in love is the most important thing. At first I didn’t like all of the feminine things I had to wear and all the exercises to make me a woman but after a while I started to like it and then I liked being a woman more than being a man. I think maybe it was the hormones but after I had my first surgery and I was beautiful there was no way I wanted to be a man again, I loved being a woman, I just couldn’t tell you that because I didn’t want you to feel responsible for getting me into this thing in the first place.”
“I have to admit I did feel responsible but after I begged you not to go on and you did I felt that you were a big girl and if that was what you wanted you could have it, any regrets?”
“No I don’t have any, thank you Autumn, I love you.”
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The Window
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This story is about a man who observes the growth of a transgendered teen but without contact with that person. It shows one possible outcome of a young person wanting to transition before finishing school. CAUTION - Explicit content inside! This story wouldn't be posted if it weren't for the hard work and editing by Angela Rasch. Thank you very much Angela!
The Window
By
Arecee
My wife says I’m a miserable son of a bitch and maybe she’s right. She kicked me out last week, and now I have to live in this piece of shit hotel in the Tenderloin area of San Francisco.
She was whining because I seemed short with her, what the fuck does she expect from me? I have MS for God sake. I had a thriving contracting business but after “it” fucked me up, I had nothing. The bitch said it was my attitude, but what the fuck does she know? How would you like to wake up every morning and have to pull yourself to the toilet because you can’t walk? She would try to help me, but fuck man, I can do it myself. So maybe I did snap at her once in a while, that’s no reason to kick me out, fuck her, I’ll get by on my own.
So anyway I live in this shit hole of a room and even the owners of the hotel don’t give a shit that I have a disease that will kill me, well fuck them. I have a wheel chair to get around, but it really sucks when I to have to go to the bathroom, it’s a common toilet for half the floor, and if the stench doesn’t get you the cockroaches will, and that’s life in a -yuk, yuk,- toilet like this.
When I moved in, I had nothing to do, except feel sorry for myself, and why not? People don’t care about me, I lost my wife and business and they couldn’t care less, well fuck them, I’m really a nice person when you get to know me, the trouble is nobody wants to.
Getting back to my room, so someone, maybe you, gives a shit about me, let me tell you about myself. I was a contractor for God’s sake. I made lots of money and I can’t figure out why I lost customers, well fuck them, it’s their loss. Sorry I forgot, I’m telling you about my room, if you want to call it that. It comes with all the amenities of the big hotels, you know maid service, once every two weeks and a bastard manager that WILL come to your room to collect the rent after it’s late by two hours. Why I selected this cockroach infested hole is beyond me. As I think back maybe it was because it was cheap.
My room consists of a bed and a sink to wash my face. Why in the hell they couldn’t have a toilet is beyond me, well fuck them, I’ll piss in the sink if I have too. It wouldn’t make it smell any worse in here than it already does. People bring home their fast food and throw the wrappers in the hallway to give the twice-a-month maid something to do. Anyway, my room has a bed and windows on two sides, so at least I have views. One window looks down to the main street and the other onto an alleyway. These buildings were built just after the great earthquake and for some reason they thought there would be a view. Well yeah, I love watching the side of a brick building, fuck them, at least the rent is cheap.
I moved in and found that the “innkeepers” couldn’t care less about my MS, in fact they told me straight out that if my rent was late, they would kick my ass out. Well fuck those foreigners, they can kiss my white fucking ass, I’ll get the fucking money to them, my wife will see to that, after all she wants me here as bad as they want the money, fuck all of them. I don’t even know why you’re reading this thing anyway because I’m sure you don’t give a shit about me either, but this isn’t about me, it’s about the window. I’m only writing it down because I don’t have another fucking thing in the world to do and my notebook is the only thing that hasn’t fucked me . . .yet.
As I was saying, my room looks across an alley to another hotel that obviously had high regards as to their stature in the world order, so they built a pair of windows on the alley side of the building hoping for a God’s honest view of who knows what? Stupid fucks. All they have is me to see, at least I’m nor bitter about all this, fuck them, what do they know, how would they like it if they couldn’t walk?
Getting back to the window, I can look over to the window and for some reason they don’t have curtains. Could it be that the other hotel is too cheap to install them, perish the thought. Anyway getting back to the window, I can’t go anywhere so I got in the habit of looking out my window into the hotel across the alley and tried to imagine what the lives of the people I saw was like. I knew theirs was better than mine, it was just a matter of how much fucking better?
The first person that I saw in the room was Whiskey Willie. I give everyone a name because I don’t know them, so I just name them.
Whiskey Willie was an old man, although maybe not as old as I thought he was. I named him that because he drank a bottle of cheap rotgut every day. He never ventured from his room other than to buy his bottle. The thing that struck me was that he had a picture of a woman next to his bed and touched it with the back of his hand every time he left the bed. The last time I saw Willie he kissed the picture and pulled it to his chest and fell asleep. The coroner came the next day and took him away. They threw the picture aside as though it was an inconvenience, but at least I knew Willie was finally happy and with the woman he loved.
I had thought of starting a drinking career of my own. The liquor store would bring it around so I gave it real thought. The idea that I could fuck myself up on booze and cherish a picture of the bitch who was forcing me to live here was sobering. I decided to invest a few lousy dollars into a cheap set of binoculars so I could upgrade my window peeping.
The next tenant was Dirk. Dirk was a kid, barely more than sixteen, if even that. He must have been a runaway. Willie hadn’t been out of the room for more than two hours before Dirk moved in. I bet the mother-fucking manager had rent money from Willie and now he was collecting double rent, fucking bastard. Willie was getting fucked even though he had, -yuk, yuk,- checked out.
Dirk was a slight boy, I don’t think he was more that five-three and shit maybe one twenty five in the weight category. I don’t even know why I named him Dirk except maybe he needed a masculine name. The poor kid didn’t have much, a few clothes, a toothbrush, a comb, and that was pretty much it.
I watched Dirk’s room everyday and mostly him. He was kind of pretty for a boy. Poor kid probably got his ass kicked almost every day when he was in school. I know how it feels to be different. My ass stung just thinking about it. So anyway, Dirk would leave his room everyday for whatever reason and return with a concerned look on his face. I finally figured out why when he pulled his wallet out of his pants and counted his money, which appeared to be around a hundred dollars. He finally came home with a smile on his face and a uniform for a fast food joint, I guess he must have gotten a job, good for him.
Well it seems that Friday came around and the rent was due for Dirk. The manager came to his room and held out his hand for his money. Dirk shook his head and pointed to the uniform and talked to the disgusting man and held up one finger. I guess that meant he got paid in one week. The manager shook his head and pointed to his hand. Dirk shook his head and looked very sad as the man pointed to the door. Dirk sat down on the bed, I could see tears forming in his eyes as the manager turned to leave.
When he got to the door he turned and looked at Dirk and said something. Dirk turned white as if he had seen a ghost. He shook his head and then the manager yelled at him and pointed to the door and started to walk out. The manager started to close the door and Dirk called to him, lowered his head and nodded. The manager smirked and walked back into the room and removed his pants. He then took Dirks hands in his and pulled them to his penis and made Dirk stroke it.
The bastard, the fucking bastard, he was making Dirk jerk him off, for Christ’s sake, he’s just a kid. Well this went on for four or five minutes until the guy was real hard and then he forced Dirk’s head down until his thing pushed against Dirk’s mouth. Dirk seemed to shake his head as if to keep from having to open his mouth but then the man held Dirk’s nose shut until he had to open his mouth to breath. When he did that the man shoved his disgusting hard-on into the poor boy’s mouth and held his head tight and fucked his mouth.
The man finally came and the sperm ran from Dirk’s mouth onto the floor. Dirk collapsed into a heap. The man pulled his pants up and left without a word. Dirk was sobbing uncontrollably on the floor and finally dashed to the bathroom and vomited in the toilet. God, if I could’ve I would’ve killed that manager. Apparently what Dirk was forced to do satisfied the rent because he was living there for the next week. After that Dirk was never the same, his smile was gone as was his carefree attitude. He was able to pay the rent after that with cash so he didn’t have to “it” again.
About a month later Dirk came home with several shopping bags and threw them on the bed. It was the first time I had seen him smile in a month. He opened them and started taking clothing out and laying them gently on the bed. There was a skirt, a small blouse, nylon panty hose, panties, a matching bra, and a pair of high-heeled shoes. Wow, Dirk has a girl friend and he’s bringing her some gifts, was my first thought. Dirk removed his clothes as I watched, all the way down to his birthday suit, and then he put on the panties.
What the fuck? I thought to myself, What’s this.
The next thing he did blew me away, he wet his legs in the sink and put shaving cream on them and shaved his off his hair. I hate to say this because I’ve always been a man’s man and I love chicks, but when he was finished his legs were gorgeous, God he had pretty legs. Next he shaved his armpits, damn if he didn’t look like a girl when he finished. He then put on the bra and stuffed it with some toilet paper, rolled the panty hose up his legs and then opened a smaller bag. Dirk removed some makeup and went over to the faded mirror on his dresser. He must have done this before because he put this gunk on his face and when he was done, damn if he wasn’t a pretty girl. Last he put on his skirt and blouse, slipped on his heels and walked up and down in his room.
He walked and sat, sat and walked, pretended to talk to someone, his hands were all over the place. This went on for hours until he looked like he would leave his room. He would walk to the door, open it, look out and then close it again. He did that over and over and then it appeared that he had gained enough nerve to leave and closed the door behind him. Maybe a half of a minute later the door opened and Dirk ran back inside his room. He didn’t leave after that and finally removed his clothes and makeup and went to bed. This behavior went on for several days with the exception that Dirk would stay out of his room for slightly longer amounts of time. The longest was for three minutes and when he arrived back he was giggling to himself, God the kid is screwed up.
A week had past and from the look of determination on his face this was the big night for Dirk, he was going outside. He took special care getting ready, shaving his legs and underarms, doing his makeup and dressing. He was really pretty, and of course I felt as though he was my daughter in a sense.
My mind wandered from Dirk to when my life was better and watching my own daughter dress and prepare for a big date. Watching her become a woman was something I would never want to give up, Daddies little girl was growing up. I regret the things I said to her in haste while feeling self pity. Tears filled my eyes as the memories flashed through my mind, I’ve been such a fool.
I cleared my eyes and watched as he left his room and figured he would be right back, but then I saw a flash of a girl on the street. I wheeled over to my other window and looked down and saw her walking, my girl had flown the nest. As she walked heads turned. Dirk was a beautiful girl, young and vibrant, seeking out the world like any teenage girl would. Her skirt was a little short and the blouse a little too tight, and the heels too tall for my little girl, God she was sexy. I had to think of another name for her, Dirk didn’t make it for a girl, maybe a proper name like Sandra, I liked that, Sandy, what a sweet name. Sandy returned several hours later with more bags. I could tell by the color of them that they were more girls’ clothing, pink bags and pretty black ones. My girl had gone shopping and she was returning with a smile on her face.
She had gone from being a sad little boy to a confident young woman and for some unknown reason it was having an effect on me. She was a person with whom I couldn’t speak and hurt with my tirades of hate and thus couldn’t drive her away. I think I found love again from watching the growth of this girl.
Sandra tried on all that she had bought, most of it way too sexy for my little girl but who am I to say. Sandy did have one cute outfit that I did like, jeans and a nice top, atta girl.
Three weeks past and Dirk came home with a girl, not just any girl but one that was built like a brick shit house. Damn was she pretty and maybe a little slutty too. The girl was tall, she towered over Dirk and was wearing this miniskirt that showed her legs forever. Her blouse was open enough to see that she had some huge tits. When I first saw her all I could think of was Jessica Rabbit except nobody drew her that way, maybe a surgeon did and he was an artist. I’m thinking to myself if this girl doesn’t make Dirk forget all about that girly stuff nothing will. He finally has a girlfriend.
You could have knocked me over with a feather if I could still stand up when the girl asked Dirk something and he went to his closet and took out all his girl’s clothes and laid them on the bed. She had Dirk strip and had him dress in his girl clothes and then did his makeup for him, fuck did he look hot when she was done. The girl felt Sandy’s tits and shook her head and then had Sandy feel hers. The girl was talking to Sandy all the while pointing at her tits and then at his. When she was almost finished she took a bottle out of her purse and handed it to Sandy and said something to her and Sandy smiled while excitedly shaking her head. The girl hugged her and kissed her on the cheek, you know, one of those girl kisses.
The girl sat on the bed and had Sandy change into all of the rest of her clothes and when she reached the final outfit she walked to Sandy and kissed her. This wasn’t the girly kiss she gave her earlier. This was an, I’m-going-to-fuck-your-brains-out kiss. God I wished my thing still worked, this was hot. Sandy put her arms around the girl’s neck and kissed back. It looked like a couple of lesbians making out the way Sandy was dressed. The girl took Sandy’s hand and lowered it to her breast as she was kissing her and had her caress her breast. She reached for Sandy’s dick and soon was rubbing it through her panties. She pushed her back and said something. After she did Sandy removed all her clothes and stood there with her thing standing out at attention. The girl removed her top, skirt, and her bra to free those gorgeous melons, God they were big. She then stood in front of Sandy and removed her panties. She took Sandy back into her arms and kissed her deeply taking her hand and placing it on her pussy, which I couldn’t see with Sandy still blocking my view.
She moved Sandy to the bed and made her lie down and when she did, holy shit, I could see everything, for Christ’s sake she had a dick, not just any dick, but a big one. She laid beside her only backward and took her penis in her mouth and Sandra took her the same way, God how could that bitch do that to my little girl? After that I couldn’t watch anymore, it made me sick.
After that day Sandra’s friend would visit every so often and the results were always the same, dress in her girls’ clothes and have sex. It pissed me off but there was nothing I could do about it and Sandra seemed happy.
As the months went by I could see a change in Sandra, she seemed to becoming more feminine looking and was taking a lot of pills. I was worried that she might be becoming a junkie but figured out that the pills were hormones because she was growing breasts. First they were small little pointy things, but as time passed they grew much rounder, much like a girl in school. She’s a very pretty young woman now and seems to really care about her looks. She seems to be having trouble hiding herself when she goes to work as Dirk, her breasts always seem to show. I’m proud of her, she loves to shop and has never brought a boy home with her and seems to be a nice young woman.
Things changed when Sandra came home from work crying. She wasn’t wearing her uniform so I knew she must have been fired. I imagine a boy with breasts was too unsettling for some of the customers.
As the week past, Sandra was herself full time, no more Dirk. She seemed happy but I could tell something was bothering her and finally figured out what it was when the manager came to her door looking for the rent. She knew what had to be done and serviced the bastard while he groped her breasts, God I’d like to kill the son of a bitch.
I wish I could at least yell at the bastard but my windows have been painted shut for the last decade or whenever they had the place painted. My front windows open, but I doubt Sandra would be able to hear me over the noise of the traffic on the street below.
Sandra would leave in the morning and return at night always holding the help wanted ads. Everyday it was the same, no luck. I knew things were desperate when she went out at night and returned with a man and did him. He left money on the bed and when the door closed Sandra dissolved into tears, she had turned her first trick. She broke my heart that night, my sweet innocent Sandra had become a whore, not because she wanted to but by necessity. Sometimes the world fucks you up like that. I wanted to take her in my arms and comfort her and tell her I understood why she did what she had to do.
I called my wife and talked to her for a while, the incident with Sandra still had me upset and I felt better afterward. For the first time in a long while we didn’t fight when we talked. I just couldn’t feel sorry for myself. Sandra’s life seems so much more important to me now than does my MS, I hope she survives this thing.
The next morning Sandy was out early paper in hand and returned that afternoon with a smile on her face. I guess she must have found a job. That night she went out again and returned with strange men again, I guess she had to make money before she started her new job. I hate that she turns tricks like that, she’s much too pretty and I’m afraid some guy might hurt her. I can tell she dislikes what she’s forced to do, I see no joy on her face when she’s finished.
The following week Sandy didn’t go out at night for the first time in days. She was walking around her room smiling and laying clothes on her bed. She would hold them up to herself and look in the mirror, lay one down and try another. She seemed satisfied and went to bed.
The next morning she was up before me. I usually don’t sleep much past six in the morning and this morning was no exception. I saw a light in Sandy’s room and saw that she was dressing in the conservative outfit she had picked out the night before. When she left, it was just before seven. She looked wonderful, clean and pretty, like a young woman on her way to work. When she returned that evening it looked as though she was walking on a cloud she was so happy. Sandy changed and left to get something to eat. She returned a little later and went to bed. I knew she had a good job and didn’t have to turn tricks anymore, I’m so proud of her.
My condition doesn’t seem any worse, but now that I have Sandy to worry about I haven’t really thought much about my MS. My wife thinks I’ve been nicer lately but isn’t ready to take me back home just yet, and I don’t think I could go back until Sandy’s life is settled.
A month has past since Sandy started her job and she has been shopping much more lately. She seems to have matured a lot. Her taste in clothing has gone from sexy teen to that of a stylish business woman. When she leaves in the morning she turns heads when she walks down the street to the bus stop. People in this neighborhood aren’t used to seeing anything as nice as my Sandra and when she passes they stop what they’re doing just to appreciate what a nice girl she is.
I watched everyday for her to come home from the bus stop to be sure everything was okay with her. It had been about six weeks since she started her job and a Mercedes dropped her off in front of her hotel. She exited the car and turned to thank the driver with a smile and a wave of her hand. This must be her boss, I mused. What a nice gesture to bring her home. This went on for several more weeks with the exception that they would talk a bit longer each day when he left her off.
I remember, it was a Friday night when it happened. It was the kiss. Sandy came home later than usual. It was several hours past the usual time the man would leave her off. The car rolled to a stop in a parking spot in front of the hotel and Sandy and the man talked for a while. Then the man reached over and pulled Sandy’s head toward his and kissed her on the lips. She put both hands around his neck and him kissed back. It was the first time I had seen Sandy kiss anyone since she was seeing that girl a year before. She never kissed any of her tricks so I knew, this man was special to her, Sandy had a boyfriend. She exited the car with one last kiss and went up to her room. When she entered she hugged herself and twirled around like a little girl, Sandy was in love.
As the next month past Sandy’s arrival times became erratic. I finally figured out that she must be dating this guy. Some days she would arrive home right after work and others well past midnight. Each time he would drop her off, the kisses would start quicker and last longer. I was worried that she might get in over her head and I was right.
It was a Wednesday evening around eight when they arrived in front of the building. The car parked and the man jumped out and opened Sandy’s door for her. It was the first time I had seen the man other than his head. He was a tall, good-looking man around thirty-five years old. I think he’s too old for Sandra but who am I to make a judgment about her choice of men? He helped her from the car and they walked into the hotel and then up to her room.
She opened the door and when they entered the room they embraced each other and started to kiss. This kiss wasn’t like the kisses in the car, it was something else, it was lust. His hand found Sandy’s breast and began to caress it and I knew she was his by the way she reacted. The man broke the kiss and the moved his mouth to her neck. Sandy was panting wildly now and started to remove the man’s clothes, she wanted him. Sandy was able to free the man’s penis and lowered herself to take it in her mouth. This continued until she finished him and then she just held him, she wanted to be loved so badly. All I wanted for Sandy at this point was for her to be happy and in love. I wanted her to be with her man, to be held, to be loved, but that wasn’t to be. The whole love-making thing had lasted for less that thirty minutes and when the man was satisfied he pulled his clothes back on and left. At least he had the decency to kiss Sandy goodbye.
Sandy started arriving home earlier most days and her lover would go with her to her room and she would take care of him. She seemed happy doing this and was always smiling, she truly loved this man. He would always leave no later than nine except on the rare occasion that they would go out on a date. I could always tell they had been somewhere because Sandy dressed nicer than she did normally on workdays.
There were some things that were starting to bother me about this guy of Sandra’s. He never seemed to see her on the weekends, only after work and then I put two and two together, he was married and Sandra was his mistress. The next time he came by I saw his ring, how I had missed it was beyond me, and knew I was right about the cheating son of a bitch, he was using my Sandy and what was worse Sandra knew he was married.
I was pissed off again when my wife called. She wanted to know how I was feeling and I yelled at her again. I was so upset with Sandra and her choice of men I couldn’t help myself. My wife became my verbal punching bag again because she was handy. She said that I was a miserable son of a bitch and that she was sorry she even reconsidered having me back again. I felt bad for what I had said to her but couldn’t admit it to her or myself.
I had more important issues to deal with. Those issues had to do with Sandra. Why had I become so attached to Sandra, hell, she was just a boy that wanted to be a girl and yet there was something special about her. All Sandy wanted was to be a girl, not a slut to be used by men for their needs but a young woman proud of her sex and was trying to be like any other young woman and succeed in life. She wanted a decent job with a chance to better herself and find a man who would love her above all else. Nothing fancy, just a normal life for a sweet young girl. Sandy had become like a daughter to me. I had seen her grow from a sad little boy into a vibrant young woman on her way in the world.
I look at Sandy and reflect on my own life. She has shown me a quality that I am envious of, when she is down, she pulls herself up and doesn’t wallow in self pity. I wish I could say the same for myself, the farther down I go the more I pity myself and yet from knowing Sandy as I have she has given me some small ray of hope that maybe I will change for the better someday.
Now though, she was being used by this asshole for his needs and I’m sure he told her that he loved her and would leave his wife and whatever else he had at home for her and the lonely kid believed him. What a prick, God I wish I could talk to her. For some god-awful reason I felt a responsibility toward her and I don’t know why.
It had been six weeks since he had first seduced Sandra and their sex had gone no farther than her satisfying him orally. That changed when they came home from one of their infrequent dates. I could tell he had been drinking, he wasn’t sloppy but you could tell.
They began to make out and fell on the bed. He took her breast in his hand after lowering her dress from her shoulders. He began to lick her nipples and his hand found her thigh and caressed it slowly until he had reached her panties. Sandra was in such a state of bliss she apparently forgot that the man didn’t know her secret. I saw the man flinch at first, but then he continued his seduction.
Sandra realized where his hand was and bolted straight up in the bed. She seemed embarrassed by his discovery. I could see the tears filling her eyes but the man was reassuring her and then she smiled and allowed him to continue. The man kissed and caressed her. He found some lubricant and rubbed it into her and then he slowly pushed his thing into her. I could tell she had never done this before because of the pain on her face as he entered. She had tears running from her eyes but then she started to look relaxed and finally a look of contentment covered her face, she had finally become a woman.
The man finished and when he fell out of her he said something to her and started to dress. Sandra pleaded with him but he pointed to his watch and then left her alone in the dark. She had given herself to a man for the very first time and then he just left her by herself, God what an uncaring jerk. Sandra rose from the bed and removed her makeup and then slipped under the covers on the bed. I knew she was crying, I wish I had been there to hold her. I wish I could have held anyone.
After that night the man wanted to fuck her all the time. No more oral sex. What he did was rushed, but I could tell Sandra liked what he was doing as she got used to his invasion. She had a picture of him on her dresser and kissed it every morning when she woke. The girl was deeply in love. I was waiting for him to either leave his wife or leave Sandra, but what happened next was basically the end of Sandra’s life as she knew it.
The man had just made love to Sandra and for some reason he didn’t jump out of bed and leave. Maybe he’s going to stay with her and his wife would be history. Boy was I wrong. The man reached into the pocket of his coat and extracted a bag with some white powder in it. He took a piece of paper and poured some of it on the paper and then rolled a dollar bill into a tube and sniffed it up his nose. He then offered some to Sandra, but she declined by shaking her head. He pleaded with her until she accepted his offer. After that they made love again, sniffed the drug and made love for a third time. From the look on Sandra’s face she was satisfied beyond all her wildest dreams.
The man finally left, but Sandra couldn’t sleep, she was too wired for that. The cocaine had left her in a state of euphoria and she needed more of something right now and her man had left. She put on some clothes and went to the street to walk off her high. She returned an hour later and went to bed. What she had done during that hour I will never know, but Sandra was never the same.
The fucking and cocaine abuse lasted for several weeks and finally ended when Sandra and the man had a fight. They were yelling so loud that I could hear part of what Sandra was saying. My front window was open and the whole street could hear them.
“You told me you were going to leave your wife!”
“Well I’m not!”
“Then what we’re doing is wrong, I don’t think we should be doing this anymore.”
“Well fuck you then.” He grabbed his coat and slung it on, “You were nothing more than a piece of ass,” he spat at her as he walked to the door, “so don’t bother coming back to work anymore.” He yelled as left her room with a life-shattering slam of the door.
Sandra’s face turned white. What had she done? She ran to the door and I could tell she was pleading with the man, but to no avail. She had lost her job, but even more than that she had lost her dignity.
Sandra was alone once more and I could see the despair in her face. My poor Sandra had done nothing to deserve what had happened to her, all she did was fall in love and now she was being punished for it. I thought life was being unfair to me but what was happening to Sandra went beyond unfair, it just wasn’t right. My pain was mostly self-inflicted
From there it was a downward spiral. Sandra would look for a job but had little success. Without a proper education she really couldn’t expect more than that. She also started using cocaine every day. This forced her to start prostituting herself again. Because she looked so good she was turning ten tricks a night and most of that money was going for her drugs. The long hours were taking a toll on her and her looks as well. Her income fell and she couldn’t afford the high quality drug she so much craved so the switch to crack became inevitable. She had become a crack whore in the short span of one year.
Some guy moved in with her and she was supporting him also. He was out of his mind on drugs most of the time. I finally saw him inject himself one day and knew he was using heroine. Sandra would bring home a trick and the doper would hide in the closet while she sucked him off. When the trick left her boyfriend would take the money and leave long enough to score some more drugs. This cycle lasted until one of Sandra’s tricks grabbed her and found out she was a boy and beat the crap out of her. I thought she was dead and called the cops on the payphone at the end of the hall. They came and took her away to the hospital but she returned the next day with bandages on her head. The first thing she did was take a hit of crack. Her face showed she was in pain but she removed her bandage and went back on the street and returned with a trick an hour later. After the guy left she pointed to her head and her boyfriend said something to her so she held out her arm and he injected her with something. She passed out and when she woke she returned to the street. After that the Sandy I knew was gone. Sandra began injecting herself several times a day, obviously with heroine and smoked her crack. She was arrested three weeks later for prostitution on the street in front of the hotel but was out on bail four hours later.
The first thing she did was take more drugs and then turned more tricks. Her tricks were becoming more disgusting by the day. When she first started this thing she seemed to discriminate less as the guys had been young and good-looking, but now most were fat, old, and repulsive. You could see the sweat on their bodies as they walked into the room and let Sandra undo their pants and stick their penis in her mouth. She was quick, but her prices went down with her looks.
I had gotten to the point that I felt nothing but sadness as I watched her whither away. She was barely able to find a man wanting her to service him, and she needed the drugs that had become her life.
Her final day came in December. It had been raining since morning and the sun hadn’t shown for days. There was a cold darkness everywhere. I had grown weary watching Sandra destroy herself, and my MS had worsened, but I had come to the realization that my life still had some quality to it unlike the hell Sandra was living in. I had finally realized that my self pity was as destructive and addicting as the heroin.
Much to my amazement I saw Sandra remove herself from the bed and bathe that day. When she finished she made up her face looking almost like the Sandy I had grown to love so much. She found her nicest lingerie and dress and put it on and walked to the bed.
I guessed what was coming next and began beating on the window pane hoping to distract her, but to no avail. Her window was closed to keep out the cold so she couldn’t hear me, or didn’t want to.
She took a spoon and put her drug on it and lit a candle to heat it. Next she tied off her arm with a hateful band of sort and took a syringe and filled it with the drug and injected it in her vein and released the band on her arm. She lowered herself onto her bed and closed her eyes. Her body jerked in convulsion as she took her last breath, Sandy was gone. I wept openly as my dear daughter I loved so much died.
Three days later I called my wife and asked her to come see me. I showed her this journal and told her all about Sandy. My words called for forgiveness. Her eyes opened to the changes I was willing to make to get away from my self-hate. I seized the opportunity and begged her to take me home. Her face lit in a smile I hadn’t seen or cared to see for years.
The End
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Twins
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awaiting to testify at the trial of a dangerous criminal, they soon find out that
this criminal's friends are desperate and have a long reach. An equally desperate
measure was undertaken to ensure that their family becomes untraceable.
one of Steve Wilson's two young boys had to become a girl!
All Rights Reserved.
I dedicate this Retro Classic to the author of this story - my close friend and surrogate father, Arecee, who passed away at the beginning of 2016. May your soul find a new and much more enriched and fulfilling life, just the way you would like it. With all of my heart and love...and until we meet again... Sephrena.
Admin Note: Originally published on BigCloset TopShelf on Sunday 05-05-2013 at 04:24:44 am, this retro classic was pulled out of the closet, and re-presented for our newer readers. ~Sephrena
Chapter One
“Boys, get in the car. You’re going to be late for baseball,” my dad yelled to the rear of the house.
“Yes Dad, be right there,” Grady, my twin brother, answered.
I finished tying my shoes and sprinted to the bedroom door.
“Beat you to the car,” I said, looking back at Grady.
“You have a head start, Marcus. That’s not fair,” he replied.
“So?’ I said, laughing all the way to the car.
Dad had backed the car from the garage and was waiting for his two whirlwind sons to join him.
“Where’s Grady?” he asked.
“Tying his shoes,” I replied.
Grady came charging through the open front door of the house, slamming it behind him as he jumped off the porch.
“Don’t slam the doors,” I heard my mother shout, as the vibration shook the house.
“Boys, how many times do we have to tell you not to slam the door?” Dad asked.
“I don’t know,” we answered in unison.
A smiling Grady scooted next to me, laying his mitt on the seat next to the door.
Grady and I had had our seventh birthday just a week earlier and we would no longer be playing T ball. This was a new season and the coaches would be pitching the ball.
Our father was one of the coaches and we knew what to expect if he pitched. Dad had worked with us for more than a year and even though we had been in T ball the year before, we had learned how to hit a ball without the T.
Ten minutes after leaving the house, we pulled up to the field. Grady and I burst from the car like a shot, slamming the two rear doors shut.
“Boys,” Dad shouted.
“Sorry Dad,” I yelled back, as we ran to join our teammates.
John Carson, the head coach looked at me and asked, “ Grady, do you have your bat?”
“I’m Marcus, Coach, yeah Dad’s bringing them,” I replied.
“I don’t know how your dad can tell you two apart,” he said, shaking his head.
“Marcus, come and get your things. Do I look like a servant?” Dad asked.
“No Dad,” I groveled, while Grady started laughing at my predicament. He stood holding his bat and glove with a smirk on his lips. I’d get him back later. I always did.
“Hey Steve, how’s it going?” John asked my father.
“Good John. First game of the season, it doesn’t get any better than that,” Dad replied.
“Jeez, I can’t figure out how you can tell your boys apart. I thought Marcus was Grady a minute ago.”
“If you lived with them for seven years, you could tell the difference, believe me. They might be identical twins, but there’s always something different about them. The only thing that’s the same is their personalities. I don’t think they ever stop running, but you know how boys are?”
“Yeah I know what you mean. My Justin is the same way. His older brother never stops tormenting him and you wouldn’t believe the fights they get into.”
“The twins fight too, but get along in ways I can’t explain. It’s scary how one will start a sentence and the other finish it.”
“Well, at least they’re both good ball players. I don’t think one is better than the other. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were asked to be on the all-star team.”
“I don’t know about that, we’ll see.”
As luck would have it, Dad pitched the game and Grady got two hits. Me, I got three, payback, Grady. Oh, and we won the game.
The team gathered around the coaches after the game for the usual comments on how good we played, and the real reason, snacks.
Bill’s mom had snack duty and handed out the drink in a bag and Rice Crispy treats. As good as they tasted, it wasn’t nearly enough for growing boys.
“I’m hitting Burger King on the way home,” John stated. “Anyone want to join us?”
“Dad, can we?” Grady chirped.
“I guess, Marcus, you want a burger?”
“Yeah Dad, I’m hungry.”
“That settles it then, we’ll see you at Burger King,” Dad said.
Five minutes later we were at Burger King. Most of the team had joined us and pretty soon we were laughing and throwing French fries at each other.
“Boys, knock it off,” my father said.
Grady was sitting across the table from me and I couldn’t be the last to be hit by a fry, so I chucked one at him when my father turned away.
“You wait Marcus,” he snarled. The other guys at the table just laughed.
Finishing our burgers we went with our fathers to our respective cars and left to drive home. Dad turned on the radio and listened as the news reported that Constitution Way was closed because of a house fire and traffic was being rerouted through the nearby neighborhoods.
We live in a small town in New Jersey not far from Newark but when the main street through town is closed traffic is a nightmare.
“What are we going to do, Dad?” Grady asked.
“Never fear, the pathfinder is here,” he laughed.
Dad was really good at knowing all the small side streets in our town so he turned right, away from the main street and drove for several blocks before turning right, then left.
“This is a long cut,” he laughed, “but there won’t be any traffic, just a bunch of warehouses.”
Grady and I watched as Dad maneuvered the car through the industrial zone. Several years ago the city build barricades across the road, which made driver have to follow a circuitous route to their destination. The idea was to stop people from drag racing after two drivers had died in separate instances.
Dad turned left then right, and left again, around the front of a warehouse. The district was empty with the exception of our car.
There were two loud popping sounds as we drove past a driveway between two buildings. We looked into the ally and saw a man holding another man by the back of his shirt. He had a pistol in his other hand. The man holding the gun was ugly. He had a scar under his eye, just a short one, but it was there. His hair was a dirty blonde color and was swept straight back above his eyes. His eye were blue, but had the look of the devil. I know I was just seven years old, but the cold look in his eyes scared the crap out of me. Dad was watching, as was Grady. The gunman turned and pointed his pistol toward us, but before he could do anything we had passed by the alley.
“My God, we have to call the police,” Dad said.
He accelerated the car down the street until we rounded another corner. Dad pulled his cell phone from his jacket and dialed 911.
“Dad, who was that?” Grady asked.
“Yeah Dad, who was it?” I asked, remembering the evil glint in the man’s eye. His face scared me more than the worse nightmare I had ever had. I tried to put his face out of my mind; the evil blue eyes, the crooked nose and the cold white fish look of his skin. I was terrified by what I had seen.
Dad dialed the emergency operator and put his phone on speaker.
“911, what’s your emergency?”
“My boys and I just witnessed a murder,” Dad replied.
“Where are you sir? Do you need an ambulance?”
“No. We’re at the warehouse district on Chamberlin about two blocks from where the murder took place. The killer is between two warehouses on Lincoln Avenue.”
“I’m calling the police. Wait where you are.”
“I won’t do that. My boys might be in danger. I’ll take them home and call the police station to give my statement. Please hurry before the man gets away.”
Dad shut his cell phone and drove off.
“I’m not waiting for the police with that killer still in the area. We’d be like sitting ducks if he found us,” he said to my brother and me.
“Dad, what’s going to happen?” Grady asked.
“Yeah Dad, what’s going to happen to us?”
“Boys, nothing is going to happen. We’ll give the police a statement and that should be all there is to it,” he said, the normal confidence was gone from his voice.
We arrived home and Dad called the police as he had promised the 911 operator. They showed up at our door thirty minutes later. There was an older man, well older than my Dad and a woman that looked at least thirty.
“Mr. Wilson, I’m Sergeant Rendell and this is Officer Graphton. I was told you witnessed the murder on Lincoln?”
“Yes, my boys and I did.”
“Is there somewhere we can sit down?”
“Let’s go into the living room. Honey, the police are here,” Dad shouted toward their bedroom.
When we had returned home, Dad told Mom all about what we had seen and I thought she would have a breakdown. She screamed at Dad for letting us see such a horrible thing, as if he had a choice. She ran to their bedroom in tears, screaming that her boys would never be the same. Dad couldn’t convince her that all we saw was the shooter. He left out the dead guy, and to be honest we sped off so quickly we barely saw that.
Mom came to the living room, her eyes red with tears.
“This is my wife, Sharon Wilson,” Dad said as a way of introduction.
“Sergeant Rendell, and this is my partner Officer Graphton.”
“Wha……wwhat’s going to happen to my boys?” Mom asked, unable to control her tears.
Mom had to get a life. God all she did was cry every time she was under stress. Women, I just don’t understand.
“Nothing will happen to them, Mrs. Wilson. All we want is a statement from them and if worse comes to worse, they will be asked to testify in court if we catch the guy. You have nothing to worry about.”
“Court? My babies will have to testify in court?” she asked, and then the dam really broke. “Oh my God please tell me they won’t have to?”
“I’m sorry Mrs. Wilson, I can’t promise that.”
“It’s all your fault Steve. Why did you go that way?”
“I told you, to avoid traffic. Sharon,” Dad pleaded, “It’s not like I asked the killer to be there. I don’t like this anymore than you do.”
“I’m really sorry about this, but I do have to ask all three of you some questions. We might as well get started and we’ll be out of your hair in no time,” officer Graphton chirped hopefully. “May I take the boys into another room? We don’t want them to hear their father’s description of the crime because it might contaminate what they remember.”
“Take them into the kitchen. It’s through that door,” Dad said pointing to the kitchen door.
“Thank you Mr. Wilson. Come on boys, this won’t take but a minute.”
We followed officer Graphton to the kitchen to wait our turn.
“Mr. Wilson, when did you become aware that the killing had taken place?”
“After we turned the corner onto Lincoln. We heard a shot just as we approached the alley.”
“What did you see after that?”
“A man holding a pistol in one hand and the collar of the shirt of a man slumped next to him.”
“Was the man dead?”
“I have no idea. All I know is that the man standing had shot the other man.”
“What did the shooter look like?”
“He was white, about five foot nine, judging by the height of the car. He had dirty blonde hair, a ruddy complexion, blue eyes and a crooked nose. He had a small scar under his right eye. He wore black Dockers and wore a long sleeve red shirt. I thought that was strange as it was a warm day.”
“Is there anything else you can tell us?”
“He pointed his pistol at us and frowned as I sped off. After that we called 911.”
“If that’s all, I’d like to ask your sons a few questions.”
“I’ll send them in.”
“One at a time please. I don’t want their testimony tainted.”
Dad walked into the kitchen and said, “Grady, you go first.”
“Okay dad.”
Grady left the room and returned five minutes later.
“Your turn, Marcus.”
I walked into the living room and sat on the sofa, brushing my hair out of my eyes. Dad promised we would finally be able to get a crew cut this year. Mom always liked being able to comb our hair with jells, but that wasn’t cool, and crew cuts were.
“What do you remember about this afternoon?” Sergeant Rendell asked.
“Like what?”
“What you witnessed on your way home.”
“Some guy shot another guy.”
“What did the man with the pistol look like?”
“I don’t know. He had kind of brown hair but not really brown, kind of blonde but not blonde and he had a scar. He scared the heck out of me.”
“Why did he scare you?”
“He looked mean. Kind of like a dog growling at you except for the scar. Oh, and he was white, kind of like the belly of a fish.”
“What can you tell me about his scar?”
“It was right here,” I said, pointing under my right eye.
“You’re sure?”
“Yep, it was ugly.”
“Can you describe what he was wearing?”
“Old man clothes, like my father wears.”
The Sergeant snickered to himself.
“So he wasn’t cool like you and your brother?
“Well no, but we still had our baseball uniforms on.”
“Do you remember what color they were?”
“No, I just remember the scar.”
“Okay Marcus, thank you for all your help. Will you get your parents for me?”
“Sure,” I said, running from the sofa into the kitchen.
“Dad, the policeman wants to see you.”
“Thanks Marcus,” he replied, and walked from the room.
The lady cop joined them and soon after they left the house.
Dad came into the kitchen and said, “Good job boys. All our stories were the same and they think it might lead to an arrest.”
Three days later an arrest was made. Apparently the police knew right away who the man was from our description. Later that day there was a knock on our front door.
Mom opened the door and asked,” May I help you?”
“Yes, FBI, Mrs. Wilson. We need to talk,” the older man said while both showed their badges.
Mom opened the door for them to enter and showed them to the living room.
“Is Mr. Wilson home?” he asked.
“He should be home in five minutes, what is this about?” Mom asked.
“It’s about the man who was arrested this morning for killing the man your husband and sons witnessed.”
“Is there a problem?” Mom asked and started to shake.
“I’m afraid there is, but maybe we should wait until your husband gets home.”
Mom began to pace the floor, her hands shaking more with each passing minute. She was a nervous wreck when my father arrived.
“Hi honey,” Dad said as he entered the living room. “Who are these people?”
“They’re the FBI. Steve, what’s going on?” Mom asked, her voice shaking with fear.
“Mr. Wilson, I’m agent Thomas and this is agent Burlingame. We came here to warn you that your lives might be in danger. It seems the man who you witnessed killing the other man is part of the Russian Mafia. Knowing what we do about that group, it won’t be long before they come around to intimidate you.”
“It sounds as though you’re doing their job for them. What does this mean for my family?”
“You’re going to need protection until the trial.”
“And how long will that be?”
“I hate to tell you this, but it could be a year before everything is done.”
“How much danger are we in?”
“Enough that you will have our agents living with you during this time. After that I don’t have a clue, but I wouldn’t doubt that you’ll be put into witness protection.”
“I don’t get it. All we did was witness that man killing the other person. What did the dead man do?”
“He stole a considerable sum of money from the mob.”
“And they killed him?”
“They’ve killed for a lot less and that’s why you’re in danger. The Justice Department wants your testimony to help put this scum behind bars and that’s why we’ll have at least two agents with you constantly.”
“Why is this person so important?”
“He’s the brother of the czar. Nothing goes down without a word from the leader and now we have his brother in custody. It goes without saying, if the mob can get you to not testify, or in the worse case kill you, then they’ll be satisfied.”
“What’s going to become of our life?”
“For now, nothing. You can continue as if nothing ever happened. Your boys can continue to play ball and your lives go on as normal. We’ll protect you. We know you’re a coach for your sons’ little league team and the only difference will be extra spectators in the stands. It’s what comes after you testify. We won’t be able to continue to protect you and that’s why I mentioned the witness protection program. That plan won’t happen until a year from now, so don’t give it another thought. When the time comes, we’ll sit down with your family and lay out your options. Until then, enjoy being yourselves.”
Chapter Two
Our life did go on. Grady and I made the all-star team for kids under eight. I was shortstop and he played second base. I don’t think we were much better that the other kids, but we sort of had this mental connection with each other. I always knew what Grady was going to do and he knew the same about me.
The best thing though was that we both got our crew cuts. I loved the short hair, as did Grady. School ended soon after and our vacation started. On our first day the community pool was our first stop.
We were swimming as our body guards watched, I’m sure thrilled with the spectacle of a hundred screaming kids.
I loved being in the water, splashing and trying my best to swim. Even more I liked to dunk kids I knew and especially Grady. If I didn’t get him, he got me. As luck would have it, he had turned to talk to Spencer James, one of our best friends, so he didn’t see me coming. I snuck up on him, lowered myself under the water and grabbed his legs. Swoosh and he was under water. I came back up and was laughing so hard, I almost peed my pants.
“That wasn’t fair Marcus. The least you could have done was warn me so we could have tried to dunk each other.”
“There’s nothing fun about that,” I responded.
That’s all it took and Grady jumped up and grabbed my head pushing it under the water.
“Hah, got you Marcus.”
“Not for long,” I replied, and we were soon wrestling.
The lifeguard came running and yep, we got kicked out of the pool.
Our vacation passed with us swimming almost every day. With our tans we looked like we had just come from the Philippines. There were no attempts on our lives, but there were several times we were told we had been watched by the mob.
Around the first of August, soccer season started. Real games wouldn’t be played until September but it felt good running and kicking the ball again. Because we’re twins, Grady and I had to be on the same team. Dad didn’t coach soccer so we were among the first players drafted.
The way it works is the coach’s child is his first draft choice and then anyone else is fair game. Players are rated from one to four, one being the most skillful and four the least. Grady and I are ones, so when one of us was drafted, the coach was gaining two number ones with one draft choice. There aren’t a lot of ones, so being able to choose us was a real plus. On the other hand, being seven our skill level didn’t really matter because they “didn’t” keep score. There would be no winners or losers in our games, but I will tell you this, we haven’t lost a game yet and we’ve won by at least ten goals in each game. Maybe the officials think we’re playing friendlies, but everyone else on the field knew better.
School started again and with soccer and schoolwork, our days were full. Around the end of October, Agents Thomas and Burlingame visited us at home again. They wanted to explain what would happen after the trial was over.
Mr. Thomas spoke first.
“The trial won’t take place until next April, but we wanted to get you ready for your life afterward. The FBI can’t continue to protect you forever and there really isn’t a solution for you to continue your life as it is,” he said.
“What then are we supposed to do?” Dad asked.
“The only real solution is to bring you and your family into the witness protection program. After the trial is over, the plan is to allow you to remain here for about a week and then you’ll just disappear.”
“Where will we be going? Where will I work? What about the boys?”
“Ah yes, the boys. Unfortunately for us they have created quite a problem. Changing the identities of you and your wife is quite easy, but hiding twin boys is a horse of a different color. If your boys weren’t identical, there wouldn’t be a problem, but yours are identical. Hiding seven-year-old identical twins presents a problem because there just aren’t that many identical twins that age in this or any other country. We hide you and the boys and the first thing the bad guys are going to look for, is a family with identical twin boys seven years old. See the problem? Find the boys and you find the parents. Now, if they weren’t identical, our problem would be solved.”
“Would it really be that easy for them to find us?”
“Absolutely. These people will go to any lengths to find you. They have to make an example of you to show anyone that even thinks about testifying against them won’t get away with it.”
“If that’s the case what can we do about it?”
“What we want to suggest is something we have never done before and if you don’t want to go through with it, we can understand but if you don’t I doubt you will live much longer than a year after the trial is over. It has been suggested that your boys become fraternal twins.”
“How would you do that? They look so much alike it’s scary and telling people they are fraternal would be foolish. All lying like that would do is draw attention to the identical fraternal twins.”
“Point well taken, but there is another way and this is the uncomfortable part of our discussion. The obvious solution is to have one of your boys change gender, become a girl so to speak. There have never been identical twins of different sexes but there are many fraternal twins that are one boy and one girl.”
“That’s crazy. I’m not going to have one of my boys become a girl? How would we decide which one would have to change and what if we refuse?”
“That would be your choice. We’re just making the suggestion. What you decide to do with it is your business, but keep in mind that having a family with a boy and girl might be preferable to a dead one with two boys.”
“I’m sorry, but we’ll have to think about it. As it stands right now, I would have to say no.”
“It’s your choice and the only reason we’re bringing it up now is that it gives you plenty of time to decide what you want to do.”
The agents rose and left us alone.
“I don’t want to be a girl,” Grady said.
“Neither do I,” I stated.
“Don’t worry boys, no one will make you do anything you don’t want to do.”
“If Grady’s a girl, do I get to pull his hair?” I laughed, reaching for his crew cut.
“No one is going to be pulling anyone’s hair and who knows, maybe you’ll be the girl instead of Grady,” Dad teased.
“Yeah, then I can pull up your dress,” Grady warned, breaking into a fit of laughter.
“Boys, enough. We have a lot of time to decide what we’re going to do and I don’t like the idea of one of you becoming a girl.”
“Okay, Dad,” we said in unison.
Tine passed slowly when we were in school and too quickly when we weren’t. As usual, Grady and I were the best players in soccer and were looking forward to playing basketball during the winter. This would be the first year we would be able to compete in the church basketball league.
Dad had put up a hoop on the garage and we had been practicing for almost a year. I saw why seven was the cut off age because we could barely reach the basket with our shots past five feet from the basket. We were both equal with our ball handling skills. To be honest I couldn’t wait until baseball season.
I noticed Mom and Dad talking a lot when we weren’t supposed to be in the room, and most of what they were talking about was us. I knew because they fell silent when they saw us watching. I kind of knew what it was they were talking about since it was the elephant in the room, would one of us have to become a girl and how could they choose? The answer came in the middle of February.
Dad called us together for a family conference. The only time he did that was to remind Grady and me that Mom needed more help around the house, which meant we had to keep our room clean. We had a tendency to put things away for about two days and then fell back into the usual pattern of filing our clothes and toys into any empty space we could find on the floor. Today was different.
“Boys, I know you’ve seen Mom and I talking and I’m sure you wonder what we were talking about?”
“I think I know, Dad,” Grady answered.
“Yeah, the girl thing,” I added.
“You’re both right, but that’s not all of it. During the last three months, the FBI has stopped four attempts on our life. The trial is going to start April twenty-first and they won’t need your testimony for at least a week.”
“What’s testimony, Dad?” I asked.
“It’s where you tell the jury what you saw, that’s called testimony.”
“Oh.”
“Anyway, getting back to what we were talking about, these people know where we live and just about everything about us. For that reason, we will have to go into witness protection when this is all over. Your mom and I have talked about this and what can be done. We could relocate as we are, but will we be safe or will we be found? The FBI man said the bad guys would probably find us. We could keep moving, but that isn’t the life I want for you boys. I want us safe and I want to live a life like everyone else. I want you to be able to compete in sports and have friends like you have now.”
“Does one of us have to be a girl?” Grady asked sadly.
We both knew what the answer was going to be as Dad shifted nervously.
“I won’t make either of you do that,” he replied. “We can try moving, but eventually the bad guys will find us and, well we can try to hide from them as best as possible.”
We sat silently for what seemed to be minutes. Grady had tears running from his eyes and I know I did too. Mom came and gathered my brother and me into an embrace.
“I love you boys so much,” she whispered.
It was then that I made the decision that would change my life.
“I’ll do it,” I said softly.
“Do what?” Mom asked.
“I’ll be the girl,” I answered numbly.
“Marcus, you don’t have to.”
“I know Mom, but if I don’t we’ll all be killed. If I do, can I still play baseball?”
A giggle escaped Mom’s lips and a smile crossed Dad’s lips.
“Of course you can. Jessica is on Bill’s team and if I remember correctly she hit a home run last year.”
“When do I have to be a girl?”
“I’ll ask the FBI people and let you know tomorrow.”
So it was settled, I was going to become a girl. Little did I know I wasn’t going to become a pretend girl but a real one, but I’ll get to that later.
Agent Thomas and agent Burlingame returned the next day to explain the details as to our disappearance and the trial.
“Mr., Mrs. Wilson, boys, I’m glad you came to the choice you made. It’s very courageous of you.”
“It was Marcus’s decision. He volunteered.”
“You’re quite a brave young man Marcus,” agent Thomas said.
I smiled, feeling quite pleased with myself.
“Thank you,” I answered smugly.
Grady kicked my leg.
“What about me?” he asked.
“You’re brave too,” the agent said.
“Boys, let agent Thomas speak,” Dad admonished.
“Thank you. Here’s what we’ve put together as a plan for you folks. It’s still two months before the trial starts and I’m sure the bad guys will ramp up their effort to get to you. We’re going to increase our presence here and everywhere else you go. Boys you will have an agent with you at all times until after the trial and the same goes for you Mr. and Mrs. Wilson. When the trial is over, we’ll take you to a place in Michigan for a month before we relocate you to your final destination.”
“Where will that be?” Dad asked.
“We think we’ve found a place in Jackson, California.”
“Where’s that?” Grady asked.
“It’s in the Sierra foothills near Stockton.”
“Do they play baseball there?” I asked.
Both agents chuckled at that.
“Yes, I’m sure they do.”
“What about school?” Mom asked.
“Their schools are very good and the boys will be tutored while they are in Michigan. All of Marcus’s records will be changed to indicate he has always been a girl and will be attending school in the fall as a girl. We will take care of registering the children in school near your home. Obviously we’ll have to use our own doctors for the physical required for entry into your new school. Other than that the hard part is going to come later.”
“What hard part? Isn’t Marcus becoming a girl bad enough?”
“I don’t think you understand that Marcus will become a real girl. He won’t be pretending other than the first three years and that’s so he can learn to be a girl. If you change your minds during that period then you will be on your own. You’ll be able to go wherever you wish with our thanks for your duty, but I wouldn’t recommend it. As we’ve already told you, these people don’t give up.”
“Why is the first three years so important?” Mom asked.
“Because nothing will be been done to Marcus that can’t be undone, he’ll still be a boy living as girl. When he turns eleven, things will change. Marcus will have by then been living as a girl for three years and eleven is the time girls go through puberty. Eleven is an average age, some girls start earlier and some later, but they do start. Marcus will start his too, only as a girl. Our doctors will start him on hormones that will change the boy into a woman. There will be no going back. After he’s been on hormones for about three years, he’ll have the final operation to complete his journey. As I say, when he turns eleven there won’t be any turning back.”
Mom and Dad had both visibly paled. I don’t think they had really thought about what was going to happen to me.
“I thought none of this could happen until they were eighteen?” Mom asked.
“Normally that’s the case, but being the government we can pretty much do what we want. Of course, you will never be able to tell anyone what we do and, if you do, there is a very safe living facility in Leavenworth, Kansas more than willing to let you live there.”
“We’d never say anything, and even if we did, who would believe us?” Dad asked.
“Point well taken. As I said, I know you’ve made the decision to do this, but I just want you aware of what exactly what would be taking place. If it’s any conciliation, Marcus might welcome the changes after being a girl for three years.”
“Will I be able to play soccer too?”
My words broke the tension in the room. Everything was settled, I was going to become a girl and what the heck, it would be like being undercover like a spy or something.
“Yes honey, you be able to play soccer too. There are lots of good women soccer players.”
The agents rose and thanked us for our time.
“We’ll be seeing you at the trial, and I’d like to make a suggestion. I think you should stop cutting Marcus’s hair, real hair is much easier to take care of than a wig.”
“Thanks agent Thomas, we’ll do that.”
Then they were gone.
Chapter Three
After the meeting, time seemed to fly. It felt as though the trial had been moved to the next day, however in reality it was postponed for two weeks. It was the middle of May before we had to testify. Because of our ages, Grady and I were kept in a separate room away from the trial chambers. When we were asked to testify, we were led into the courtroom and when we finished we were brought back.
Grady went first and then it was my turn.
“Marcus, can you tell us what you saw last year about this time with regards to the man sitting at the defense table?”
“I saw that man holding a gun to another man’s head. I think the man was dead.”
“Why do you think that?”
“He wasn’t moving and didn’t look at us when we drove by.”
“Can you show us the man you saw with the gun?”
“Him,” I said pointing at the defendant. He in turn scowled at me giving a menacing look.
“Are you sure it’s him?”
“Yes.”
“How do you know?”
“I remember the scar under his eye.”
“Is that all you remember?”
“Yes sir.”
“That’s all, your honor.”
The defense attorney stood and walked toward me.
“Are you sure you didn’t see someone else?” he asked.
“Yes sir, I’m sure. I thought he was going to shoot at us when he saw us.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because he started to turn the gun in our direction.”
“Do you know who he is?”
“I think he’s in some kind of gang.”
“And where would you get that idea?”
“The FBI man told us.”
“The FBI man told you?
“Yes.”
“Did he also tell you to lie about seeing him?”
“Objection, your honor,” the DA yelled.
“Mr. Worthington, you know better,” the judge said.
“No more questions.”
That was it. We were done. Now all we had to do was wait until the FBI came for us.
That was a week after the trial ended. The jury had found the man guilty and he was going to spend a long time in jail. We had one hour to get what we needed and then we were taken away. Mom had packed some things to take but most of what we owned stayed with the house. There would be no movers to tip off the Russian mob that we were entering the witness protection program.
We were brought to Newark International airport and flown to Detroit, Michigan. We were provided an apartment and some new clothing; mostly mine, because I was going to become a girl from this day forward.
When we arrived in Detroit, we were brought to an apartment complex owned by the Federal government. It was used to house new arrivals, not ones like us but people who had transferred to Detroit and were going to work in the city. The area was sparse, but it’s not like it would matter much since we would be moving in a month.
The apartment had two bedrooms, which normally wouldn’t create a problem, but with me becoming a girl we wondered what it might do to Grady’s and my relationship. It wouldn’t take long to find out.
We got settled in, although living here was like going to a hotel without a maid. We met with the witness protection people and we all began a series of classes to teach us what to expect when we finally moved to Jackson. I had to go through the most intense training of all because of my unusual circumstances. I had to learn to become like a girl my age.
My training began and it was what I thought it would be. Actually I had no idea what it would be, but it was what I thought. First we had to think of a name for me. Marcus wouldn’t make it for a girl. We decided to let Mom name her new little girl.
“Mom, have you thought of a name for me yet?” I asked.
“Not yet. I knew I was having twin boys so I didn’t even bother to think of names for girls when I was pregnant.”
“What about Grady, will he have to change his name too?”
“I’m afraid he will, but he already picked one for himself, Teddy.”
“Teddy?”
“Yes, its short for Theodore, Ted, or Teddy.”
“I had a friend Cindy at school. Could I be called Cindy?”
“That’s a lovely name. Cynthia, what about a middle name?”
“I don’t know, why don’t you pick.”
“Hmm, why don’t we name you after my mother, Nancy.”
“I like Marcus better, but I guess those names will be okay.”
“I’ll let your father and brother know what we decided and have them call you Cindy from now on.”
“Thanks Mom.”
That’s how I got my name and why I called my brother Ted and he called me Cindy from this day forward.
Next came the clothes I would now have to wear as a young girl. They weren’t much different from my boy’s clothes, except the cloth felt different. My old jeans were made of heavy denim and I could beat the heck out of them without worrying that they would rip. Sometimes Grady and I would go overboard playing and I might tear a seam, but it was rare. My new jeans were made of a lighter material and cut differently. They buttoned backwards and had flowers on the pockets. I’m sure I would rip the heck out of them if Grady and I played like we usually did.
My T-shirts were different too. The neck came a bit lower on my chest and they weren’t white anymore, they were pink or light blue or peach, my Mom told me the color and had little bits of lace around the neck. I had seen my friend Cindy wearing shirts like them before I had to be a girl.
Shoes and socks were subtly different. My socks only came up to my ankle and had lacy tops to them, unlike my regular socks that came up my calves under my jeans. Oh that was another thing my new jeans were way shorter than my old ones, which allowed my socks to show with a little bit of skin above them too. My canvas shoes were very white and Mom admonished me that they were to stay that way. No playing in dirt, yeah right, I thought. I won’t get into the skirts and dresses I was expected to wear at some time during the month, but I eventually did wear them and learn the art of keeping my legs together so boys wouldn’t be able to see my panties. Did I forget to mention panties? Yep, I wasn’t allowed to wear my old underwear anymore. Now it was cotton panties, mostly white but a few were pastel colored, Mom told me that too. The time spent during the month was just to get us used to our new identities.
The people from the FBI explained that most of the feminine movements I would learn, I would learn from interaction with girls my age. If anyone asked, I was just a tomboy, but my parents were assured that as I became friends with girls I would become much like them while Grady would continue on the road he was already on. Things would be subtle but they said after three years of living as a girl with girls for friends, we would never recognize the boy who started this project. Yeah right, I thought.
The month was spent being our new selves and trying to remember to call each other by our new names. I still felt like a boy dressed in whatever other clothes I was wearing, but the FBI said that would change over time.
It took about two weeks before we stopped making mistake with our names. Dad and Mom were still Dad and Mom. They kept their real names, but we changed our last name to Crane. Grady had become Ted and I was Cindy. The only problem was Grady teasing me one day about looking like a girl but acting like a boy.
“The flowers on your butt are so cute,” he teased.
“Stop it Ted, it’s not funny,” I replied, sounding annoyed.
“How come your pants are so short?” he continued.
“Mom, Ted’s teasing me,” I yelled.
“Ted, stop that this instant. Cindy is doing this for all of us, so you didn’t have to become the girl. I think you owe your sister an apology.”
“Sorry,” he said, obviously not meaning a word he was saying.
“Just wait, Ted, someday you’ll need help from your sister and I’ll remember how you treated me. I don’t like this anymore than you do, but I said I’d do it, so please don’t be a jerk.”
“I’m sorry Cindy, really I am. It’s just that I miss my brother and, never mind, I just do.”
“I miss being a boy too, and I miss playing outside like we used to do. I hate being here. I hope things change when we finally move to Jackson.”
“I’m sure they will.”
Chapter Four
Two weeks later we were flown to Sacramento, California and met by the FBI agents that would be driving us to Jackson.
“Hello, I’m Agent Groves and this is Agent Martinez,” the man said.
Agent Groves was a man about six feet tall, had blonde hair turning grey, blue eyes a kind smile and was about twenty pounds over weight.
Agent Martinez was a pretty woman about five foot five, had a nice figure and looked to be about thirty years old. Her eyes were brown as was her hair and she had the whitest teeth I had ever seen when she smiled, which was a lot. I liked her a lot. I wondered if I’d be as pretty as her when I got older? What am I thinking, I’m a boy, forget that thought.
“Nice to meet you,” Dad said. “This is my wife Sharon, my son Ted and my daughter Cindy. I’m Steve Crane.”
“Obviously we’ve been expecting you and are here to drive you to Jackson. What do you know about Jackson?” he asked.
“Not much, and to be honest, I didn’t even bother looking for it on Google maps,” Dad replied.
“It’s in the Sierra foothills and is an old mining town from the California Gold rush. It’s grown over the last twenty or so years and I’m sure you’ll like the country feel of the town.”
“What about Baseball and Soccer,” Ted asked.
“They have sport programs just like any other city, so I’m sure they’ll have baseball and soccer,” Agent Martinez said.
“Do you play sports?” she asked, looking at me.
I guess she wasn’t aware that I wasn’t a girl so I answered the best I could.
“Yes, I love soccer and baseball. I was the only girl on the team where we lived and I made all-stars,” I said.
“Way to go girl, I played little league when I was your age and hit more home runs that the boys on the team,” she laughed. “It’s called girl power.”
“Hey, I’m as good as you,” Ted carped.
“Not.”
“Am too.”
“Uhh uhh.”
“Kids stop it right now,” Mom ordered.
Agent Martinez laughed at our discomfort for being admonished by Mom.
We walked to a black suburban and placed our luggage in the rear. I wondered how we would live with so few clothes but found out we would be provided for when we reached Jackson.
“It will take about an hour and a half before we reach your new home,” Agent Groves said, as we all got into the SUV. Ted and I sat in back, Mom and Dad in the middle seats and the two agents in front.
We wound our way out of the Airport and the agent drove toward Sacramento. Traffic was heavy and it took longer than expected before we finally left the strip malls and housing tracts on our route. Soon the occasional house turned into widely spread oak trees and brown grass.
“All this grass was green a few months ago, but it turns brown by the middle of May,” Groves said.
Ted and I just looked at the countryside. We passed through several small towns until we finally reached Jackson. It was cool as we drove down the hill into Jackson, seeing abandoned gold mines right next to the highway. Maybe this won’t be so bad after all. I wondered if there were tales of gunfights and all the adventure involved with gold mining. My eight-year-old mind was racing with pictures of cowboys engaged in duels and bar fights right out of the movies. My thoughts and how I was dressed didn’t quite mesh. I was dressed like I had been for the past month, in a skirt and blouse with very white canvas shoes on my feet. I might not like it, but I looked like any other eight-year-old girl traveling to her new home. If I were a girl, my thoughts would have been of Barbie Dolls, not shoot em ups, but it’s one thing to change your appearance and another to change your brain.
The drive to our new home was interesting as we rolled by buildings built in the late eighteen hundreds. So this was the down town part of Jackson. Agent Martinez had pointed out the Safeway store before we drove down into Jackson and had mentioned that Wal-Mart and the Big K store were just down highway 88 a mile or so. We drove around for ten or so minutes before stopping in front of a house.
The house looked old, was painted white and had brown trim. It was built on a tall rock foundation that had been modernized inside but still kept the look of the old building. There were ten steps up to the front door. The front door was wood that I would find out later was oak and had a window in the middle made of clear leaded glass with bevels. It cast rainbows as light passed through the glass from an electric light inside the house. Knowing that we would be arriving, the air-conditioner had been turned on. Being just a month shy of summer, the outside temperatures were reaching one hundred degrees. This I learned was the normal for the Sierra foothills in the summer and early spring.
The cool air felt good as we closed the door. To our left was the sitting room with an opening that led to the dining room. The kitchen was to the right of the dining area making it easy to entertain.
“We just remodeled this place for you. You’ll find commercial quality appliances in the kitchen and the two baths have also been remodeled. After what we asked you people to do, it’s the least we could do for you,” Agent Martinez said.
“Wow, something this nice was on a wish list I knew I would never have. I’m feeling much better about all this,” Mom said, clearly relieved for the first time since the killing.
We continued into the house. The master bedroom was on the right and had been furnished with a king size bed. The furnishings were old looking, being good knock-offs of antiques. The master bath was connected to the rear of the bedroom. Ted and my bedrooms were in the rear of the house. Both were nice size with both of us having double beds. My room was decorated in a feminine motif and Ted’s with the familiar things I missed so much since becoming Cindy.
There were sparse amounts of clothing provided to carry us over until we had a chance to do some real shopping.
“This should hold you for a while,” Agent Martinez said, “But I’m sure you’ll want to add much more to this,” she added pointing at my quite empty closet.
I had plenty of girl’s clothes as far as I was concerned, but she obviously thought otherwise.
“I have a niece your age and if you’d like I can bring her by this weekend and you and your mother can come with us to buy out the Wal-Mart store.”
Mom brightened at that.
“I’d like that very much,” she said.
“Umm, I guess,” I answered uncomfortably.
“I’ll give you a call Mrs. Crane and let you know what time I’ll be by on Saturday.”
“Thank you Agent Martinez.”
“Goodness, we can’t shop together if we’re so formal, call me Sandra.”
“And you call me Sharon.”
“Mr. Crane, here are the keys for your car. It’s parked behind the house in the garage. It’s not fancy, just a 2009 Ford, but it will get you around until you find something else you’d rather drive,” Agent Groves said.
Dad took the keys from his hand and said, “Thank you.”
“We’re going to leave now, I left our cards on the kitchen table. If anything suspicious happens call us at once, but I doubt you’ll be in any danger. Enjoy the rest of your life,” Agent Groves said.
“I’m sure we will, thank you,” Dad replied.
The two agents walked to the Suburban, Agent Martinez turned and said, “See you Saturday,” with a smile.
The car started and the agents drove off. We were alone. For some reason I felt empty. The sun was beating down and the temperature was near one hundred. I think Mom and Dad felt the same way as I did, their empty eyes betrayed the confident front they were trying so hard to portray.
Ted and I went to our rooms and embraced the cool air from the air conditioner. Normally Ted and I would talk or play, but today I wanted to be alone. A cloud of despair enveloped me. Ted and I had lost all of our friends; we were living in a town we knew nothing about other than it was an old mining town. I hadn’t noticed any kids outside during our drive into town. It was two in the afternoon and I forgot that unlike us, other kids were still in school. Ted and I were tested while in Michigan passing the year-end tests and moved to the third grade the following year.
The hardest thing for me was the girl thing. It would be like being placed in the middle of nuclear test facility and expected to be a scientist. There was so much to learn and the hardest part was I had no idea of who I was supposed to be. Sure I knew my name and what kind of clothes to wear, but other than that my life had become a mystery. Who was Cindy Crane?
My worries were minor compared to what my parents were going through. My father was a project manager for a large construction company in Newark, New Jersey. They built those skyscraper buildings in New York City and in several other cities on the East Coast. Dad made good money and we never really wanted for anything, but then our wants weren’t extravagant. Now he had to figure out what to do for a job. There weren’t any big buildings in the area so I doubted he would be doing any project managing.
We still had enough money to last us for almost a year if we watched what we spent money on. It would help Dad to find what he would do.
I had let myself fall into a funk. I had only been here for two hours and I already hated Jackson. There was nothing to do, and I wondered if it wouldn’t have been better to take our chances with the bad guys. The least we would have had was excitement.
“Cindy, could I see you in the kitchen,” Mom yelled.
Cindy, God how I hated hearing that name. I was Marcus and wondered why I had been so stupid to volunteer to become the girl?
“I’ll be right there, Mom.”
I went to the kitchen and found Mom looking in the refrigerator.
“Let’s see what we have to cook with,” she said.
Why would I care what we had? Mom cooked and I ate, it was always that way.
“Why?”
“Because you’re a girl now. This is what girls do. Your father makes money for us to spend on clothes,” Mom giggled, “ We make dinner for him to keep him happy.”
Mom continued laughing. I can’t remember when she was giddy like this. I think it was before we witnessed the killing. After that it was like she had a black cloud over her head. Mom felt free for the first time in a year.
The pickings were scarce. It looked as though a single guy had stocked the fridge. There was bread, a package of sliced ham, American cheese, a jar of pickles, some peanut butter, a few tomatoes, and a head of lettuce. Mom shook her head but the smile never left her lips.
“Steve, we have to go shopping,” Mom stated.
“Already, can’t it wait until tomorrow?”
“Only if you’d like to eat dinner.”
“Oh, I thought you meant for clothes.”
“Me? Perish the thought. How often do I go clothes shopping, never mind, and don’t answer that.”
“Kids, let’s go,” Dad said.
I thought of what Dad said. I missed his ‘boys, let’s go’. Now it was kids, one boy and one girl, gosh I hated all of this.
Dad grabbed the keys off the counter in the kitchen and went out the side door to the back yard. I followed as did Ted. The stairs were parallel to the side of the house. There are ten stairs with a cement pad at the bottom. The space between the house and fence to the right was easily ten feet, wide enough for a car.
We walked to the back yard and turned left toward the garage. The garage was doublewide with a roll up door. It was painted white with brown trim to match the house. Dad raised the door and was greeted by a 2009 Crown Victoria, obviously a retired police vehicle.
“Oh God, we have to go car shopping. We can’t be seen driving something like this,” Dad groaned.
“Oh, it’s not that bad, dear. We just have to make do until we get settled, and besides if everyone thinks you’re a cop they’ll leave us alone.”
Dad didn’t respond but got onto the car and started the engine. Letting it warm for a second, he backed it out of the garage. We all piled in the car.
“Take a look at that,” Dad said, pointing at the garage, “It’s the last time you’ll see it this empty.”
Dad was right; he started moving things into the garage the next day to join the washer and drier. I hoped it would stay cleaner than our old garage back home.
The driveway was gravel from the garage to the street. The rest of the rear yard was grass and four trees, an apple, a pear, a peach and an apricot. I didn’t count the lemon tree tucked between the garage and the house. All were past the blooming stage and fruit was growing on each. The apricots were starting to change color from green to orange. The fruit on the other trees were still growing and green. I wondered which one would be ripe next?
The tires crunched as we backed out to the street. Unlike New Jersey our driveway ran down to the street, but there wasn’t a sidewalk or the sloping ramp from our property to the street. The gravel ended and the paved street started, almost like living on a farm.
The trip to Safeway took ten minutes and only because Dad made a wrong turn. We spent the next hour in the store and did our part to keep the economy healthy. I didn’t think it was possible to spend that much money in a grocery store, but then again I didn’t think we would need two shopping carts either.
It was after four when we returned home. It took ten minutes for us to carry the groceries in the house. Ted and I carried one light bag each and Dad the heavier ones, like the potatoes and meat. Mom spent her time putting things away and was finished a half of an hour later.
We sat at the kitchen table and rested, drinking lemon-aide and cooling off from being outside. There was a knock at the door startling all of us.
“Now who is that?” Dad grumbled. He doesn’t handle heat well.
Dad walked to the front door and opened it. There were three ladies and a girl about my age standing there, holding a plate of cookies.
“Hello, welcome to the neighborhood,” a woman with very red hair said.
“Sharon, kids, come out here please,” Dad said.
Mom and the two of us walked into the entry-hall.
“Dear I think these ladies are here to see you,” Dad said.
“Won’t you come in?” Mom asked.
The three women entered and the girl shyly followed.
“Come into the living room. Steve bring the lemon-aide and some glasses.”
“That’s not necessary, we just came to welcome you to the neighborhood. I’m Colleen O’Hara,” the woman with the red hair said. “This lovely lady is Maria Gomez, and this is Vera Mason. The little girl peeking from behind me is Shannon, my daughter. Maria and Vera’s boys are at baseball practice or they would be here too.”
“I’m so pleased to meet you,” Mom gushed. “The handsome man who opened the door is my husband Steve, I’m Sharon Crane, and these are our children Ted and Cindy.”
“My, twins,” Maria exclaimed. ”They look so much alike.”
Maria was of Mexican decent, very pretty but several pounds overweight. She had brown eyes and hair with red highlights. She was around five feet tall and like the other women wore jeans. I was the only one in a skirt.
Vera was five foot five tall and obviously worked out a lot. Her figure was trim and seemed to fit her like a glove. Her hair was blonde and her eyes brown, so I think maybe her hair wasn’t always blonde.
Colleen had the red hair and deep blue eyes, her freckles dominated her face and she had an infectious smile. She stood about five three and was rail thin. I don’t think she ever stood still from the minute she entered the house until she sat down.
“Yes, so I’m told. They’re almost identical except for the obvious difference.”
“We saw you arrive this morning and saw you had a girl and well,” Colleen paused, “well, I told Shannon when she got home from school and she couldn’t wait to meet your daughter. She’s the only girl in the neighborhood and now she’ll have a friend to play with.”
“Cindy, why don’t you show Shannon your room,” Mom said.
“Yes Mom.”
I remembered what they taught me in Detroit and grabbed Shannon’s hand, “Come on,” pulling her to my room.
Now I must say, I wasn’t sure if I wanted a girlfriend but if I were to have friends, they most certainly would be girls. The one good side effect of having girls for friends I would learn how I was supposed to behave. Hanging with Ted surely wouldn’t teach me how to become a girl and Shannon would except she wouldn’t know she was doing it. I just wondered if I’d like hanging out with girls? Only time would tell.
Pulling Shannon into my room, I closed the door. My room looked like an ad from IKEA. My bed was plain as were the rest of the furnishings. I had a dressing table with a mirror and chair and a dresser of drawers. Shannon looked sad when she saw the room.
“What happened to your furniture? Where are your animals and dolls?”
Our cover story was simple, so I replied,” We lost everything in a fire just before we moved here.”
“Oh, God,” Shannon said, as her eyes filled with tears. “I’ll share some of mine with you. Every girl should have a Teddy Bear.”
“I have a Teddy, my brother,” and laughed.
Shannon giggled at my joke. Then she looked at my short hair. It had grown to about four inches since I stopped cutting it. I was jealous of Ted every time he had his hair cut to the short style I envied so much.
“What happened to your hair?” she asked.
“There was a girl in my class who had cancer and she lost all her hair because of the treatments she was receiving and felt ugly. All the girls in the class decided to cut off all our hair so she would feel better about herself.”
“Did it work?”
“Yes, it seemed to make her get better for a while, but she had to go to a hospital near San Francisco and is still there.”
This was another lie from Detroit but it explained my hair without question. I just felt bad about lying to Shannon. She really was a very nice girl.
“How old are you?” she asked.
“I just turned eight.”
“Cool, I’ll be eight next month. Do you play sports?”
”Yes, soccer and baseball.”
“You play baseball?”
“Yes, of course. I started with my brother and I’m better than he is. We both made all-stars back home.”
“I play soccer. You should sign up. Maybe we could be on the same team.”
“I’d like that.”
“Are you going to start school soon?”
“Next year. I’ll be in third grade.”
“So will I. We can walk to school together.”
“You walk to school?”
“Of course. How else would we get there?”
“I don’t know, maybe on a bus or something?”
“School’s not that far. Now I’ll have someone to walk with beside the boys.”
“How many boys are around here?”
“Let’s see, there’s Quince, he’s nice and Juan, he’s nice most of the time but sometimes he’s a jerk, and John, he lives down the block so four of us walk together.”
“Ted will like that. We had lots of friends where we used to live.”
“Cindy,” Mom yelled, “Shannon’s mom has to go.”
“Okay Mom. I had fun,” I said looking at Shannon, “I’ll see if I can sign up for soccer.”
“Okay.”
Shannon grabbed my hand as we walked from my room. I guess we were officially friends.
“Mom, can Cindy come to our house? She lost all her things in a fire and doesn’t have a bear. I want to give her one of mine,” Shannon said.
“If it’s alright with Sharon,” Colleen answered.
“She can go if it’s not an imposition?” Mom asked.
“God no, I think Cindy will be spending her time at our house or yours. It appears Shannon has made a new friend.”
“What about me?” Ted asked.
“Do you want to hang out with girls?” Mom asked.
“No.”
“Don’t worry Ted, Juan will be home soon and as soon as he is, I’ll bring him by to meet you,” Maria said.
“Okay.”
Shannon hadn’t let go of my hand and dragged me out the front door, down the stairs across the street and down to the house next to the one across from ours. It was painted a beige color and trimmed with brown. It wasn’t as far off the ground as ours and looked much newer. Shannon opened the unlocked door and entered, pulling me straight to her room.
Her room was the opposite of mine. It had personality. There were stuffed animals placed against the pillows looking like a cheering section at a soccer game. There were bears and dogs and cats and more bears. Shannon must have had twenty animals on her bed. The bedspread was a light pink color with darker pink trim. Her bed was painted white and adorned with flowers everywhere. On her shelves were My Little Ponies and a Barbie’s collection, it was truly a girl’s room. I couldn’t help but wonder if my room would look like this in the future?
“You can have any animal you would like, except for Benny.”
”Who’s Benny?”
“My favorite bear, the one in the center, the light brown one.”
I saw the bear she meant. It was worn and looked loved. I looked at the animals and decided on a darker colored bear near the edge.
“Is this one okay?” I asked.
“That’s Marvin, yes you can have him. He’s very soft, I think you’ll like him.”
I picked up the bear and felt the softness she mentioned, there was a faint aroma of perfume. I couldn’t help hugging it to my chest.
“I like him,” I said softly.
Marvin comforted me. I hadn’t realized how much my life had changed in the last year. Our family had moved twice in the last month, we had to testify against a murderer in a trial and the Russian Mafia was hunting us. We had lost all of our friends, but on the other hand I just met Shannon and she gave me a bear. Maybe this whole thing will turn out okay?
Shannon and I talked and spent the rest of the afternoon just being together. It was a nice time, and very different from what I was used to when I wasn’t a girl. We weren’t destructive and didn’t have to do anything to impress each other. We just spent time together. I liked being with Shannon very much.
“I’d better go home,” I said when I smelled Colleen cooking dinner. “My mom will wonder where I’ve gone for so long.”
“Can I come by tomorrow after school?” Shannon asked.
“Yes,” I answered excitedly.
Shannon gave me a hug and then I ran home. It was still hot but I hardly noticed the heat. I had a new friend.
I entered the house and saw Ted playing with a boy.
“Hey Cindy, this is Juan. Juan, this is my sister Cindy,” Ted said.
“Hi Cindy, playing with Shannon?” Juan asked.
“Yes,” I answered, hugging Marvin to my chest.
“Where’d you get the bear?” Ted asked.
“Shannon gave him to me.”
“Cool.”
“I’m glad you moved in here, now Shannon won’t be hanging out with the boys anymore.”
“What’s wrong with Shannon hanging out with boys?” I asked.
“Nothing except when she wanted to play with her dolls. No way was I going to do that.”
“Didn’t she play your games?”
“Yeah, and she was fun, but she didn’t want to do what we wanted all the time so she looked sad when we wouldn’t play with her dolls.”
“Oh.”
I continued through the kitchen where Mom was cooking dinner.
“Look what Shannon gave me,” I said, holding Marvin out for her to see.
“A bear, he’s cute, what’s his name?”
“Marvin.”
“Did you name him?”
“No, Shannon did.”
“Well, Marvin is a very nice name. It looks like you and Shannon are going to be friends.”
“I think so. She’s really nice, and she plays soccer. Maybe we can be on the same team.”
“Maybe sweetheart.”
I went to my room and placed Marvin on my bed like I had seen Shannon do with her animals. Just adding my bear seemed to make the room seem more like mine.
Chapter Five
Shannon came by everyday after school and we became the very best of friends. Little by little, I began to learn what being a girl was supposed to be. I guess I came across as being somewhat of a tomboy and most things I did weren’t very feminine. Little things like the way I talked or walked even sitting down was definitely like a boy. But the more I was around Shannon, Mom noticed a change in the way I did things. I sat differently, legs together and my walk wasn’t as exaggerated, even my speech was becoming more melodious. I think the best way to see the changes was to have Ted and I walk side by side, or speak together. There was a definite femininity about the way I was doing things. It wasn’t exaggerated, but it was there.
During this time, Dad signed us up for soccer, Ted in the under nine boys and me in the under nine girls. Since we were new to the area, Ted and I had to do a try out to see what our skill levels were. Mine were a bit better than Ted’s and I was going to say something to him about it, I usually did, but for some reason I didn’t want to rub salt in his wounds. Before I became the girl in the family, bragging was a way of showing just how macho little boys were. Now I didn’t feel macho, but felt good beating my brother, a feeling I didn’t want to share. Ted on the other hand moped all the way home.
“Man, did you have to beat me?”
“I didn’t beat anyone, I just tried as hard as I could. What’s the problem anyway?”
“The problem is being beat by a girl. I’ll never live it down.”
“You do know I’m still really a boy?” I asked.
“You used to be a boy. You’re a girl now.”
“I’m sure you didn’t notice, but that girl Stacy was better than me. It’s not like it’s the end of the world.”
“But you’re a girl and another girl beat you. I’m a boy and I’m supposed to be better than you.”
I felt anger welling up inside of me. What’s wrong with a girl being better than a boy?
“That’s stupid Ted and you know it. You should feel proud that I’m your sister and am good at soccer. We won’t even be on the same team.”
“I know, but, never mind,” he said, sulking the rest of the way home.
Mom and Dad just laughed. They knew this would eventually happen between us, but decided not to interfere, but rather have us work this thing out together.
When we reached home, I went to my room to remove my soccer gear. Ted followed me into my room.
“I’m sorry sis, I shouldn’t have said what I did.”
“I know, but sometimes you’re going to get beat by a girl. You’re my brother and I thought you would have been happy for me.”
“I was, but you know how guys are? I won’t ever be that way with you again, we’re family. I love you Cindy.”
I turned from my brother, as I didn’t want him to see the tears in my eyes. I picked Marvin from my bed and hugged him tight. Next to Ted, he was my best friend in the world.
Summer vacation passed quickly. Shannon and I spent almost every minute together. I learned that she wasn’t the girly-girl I expected, but almost as much of a tomboy as me. She liked to climb trees and play in the creeks that flowed through town. We did girly things when we were alone, but spent a lot of time with Ted and Juan. Juan had another friend from the neighborhood named John. He lived two houses down from Juan and they had been friends ever since birth. Another boy lived around the corner from John named Quince, but everyone called him by his nickname, Stick. No one knows how he got that name because he was one of those kids that ate all the time and it showed. All Ted’s new friends were nice, but loved to tease Shannon and me, but being two against four made us easy targets.
One afternoon we were playing football, you know the American kind with Shannon, Stick and me on the same team. We thought it was unfair, but Juan said that’s the way it is. It was a friendly game of touch but things got out of control when our team scored two more touchdowns than theirs. Shannon was the fastest runner of all and Juan resented it. He had played with her before and she always ran away from him, but now in front of Ted the new boy and his sister he couldn’t let it continue.
We were playing our game in John’s back yard. The yard was planted in grass and the yard was the largest on the block. Anyway, Juan got the ball and decided to run directly at Shannon. On every other play, we would move left or right to avoid being touched with two hands. On this play Juan didn’t care about being tagged, he just wanted to hurt Shannon. Well, Shannon wanted nothing to do with what Juan thought would happen, so she lowered her shoulder and plowed into the advancing Juan. I was surprised to see Juan go flying to the ground and I know he was even more surprised than me.
“What was that?” Shannon yelled.
“What?” Juan asked innocently.
“You know what. Why did you try to hurt me?”
“I didn’t.”
“You’re a liar Juan. Come on Cindy, I’ve had enough of this,” she said, in a huff.
“I’ll see you at home,” I said looking at Ted.
I followed Shannon to her house. We both had grass stains on our bare knees where we had fallen during the course of the game. We went to Shannon’s room and I could tell she was still angry as her cheeks flushed with red.
“Did you see what Juan did? He tried to hurt me,” she said, as tears filled her eyes.
“Why did he do that?” I asked.
“I don’t know. We’ve always been good friends. He’s never acted this way before,” she said, as a tear slid down her cheek.
“I don’t think what he had in mind worked very well. He was the one who ended up on the ground,” I giggled.
“He should have known better. He knows I’m stronger than he is.”
“He knew you were stronger?”
“Yes. We were on opposite soccer teams and I ran into him and he ended up crying because a girl had knocked him down.”
“So much for girls being weak,” I laughed.
“You’ve got that right,” she said, and we slapped hands just like the boys.
Soccer teams were selected during July and I ended up on the same team as Shannon. At the age group we were in, we played seven on seven. The reason was to be able to let more teammates have more touches on the ball. Each team would have a minimum of nine players per team. The two or three players left over were assigned to one or another of the teams, which meant three teams had ten players. Luckily we had nine.
The rules state that every player must play at least half of the game, even ones that didn’t want to be there. We had two players whose parents were making them play soccer. One was Brittany, a short very pretty girly girl, and the other Lori who was very overweight. She wanted nothing more than to stay home with her Playstation. So, the girls on our team were Shannon, Brittany, Lori, Tiffany, Alexis, Patricia, Tara, Mattie, and me.
Our first practice was August first. We weren’t allowed to practice before that. Shannon’s father was our coach.
I already knew Mr. O’Hara, and so did half of the girls on our team. The only ones that didn’t were Brittany, Lori, and Alexis. We went through introductions and since I was the new person, no one other than Shannon knew me. I was greeted with a hug from each of the players before practice actually started. Tiffany was the tallest girl on the team and she was four inches taller than me. Next was Alexis who was black and the best defender on the team. Shannon and I were the same height and she was the fastest runner on the team. Patricia, Tara and Mattie were an inch or two shorter than me, but were good players. Brittany was the shortest and like I mentioned, didn’t want to be here. Lori was the same height as Shannon and I but couldn’t run as fast as the other girls on the team because of her weight and lack of exercise.
Coach started with warm-ups and stretches. Next came ball control skills. Shannon was the best on the team, followed by Alexis, then me. After that we had a short scrimmage. This was the way practice continued through the season. When the season began Shannon and Alexis were forward, I was midfield with Brittany, Tara and Mattie were defenders with Tiffany in goal.
The way AYSO soccer is played, there are four quarters in a game. The minimum playing time for each player is two quarters so the kids all get playing time. Coach O’Hara was very fair about the playing time and would pull some of the stronger players for weaker ones, including his own daughter. It wouldn’t be fair to leave Shannon in the whole game and only sub the weaker players. Coach was a very nice man. As the season progressed, even Brittany started to like playing and like the camaraderie of the team. She even scored a goal in the next to the last game and you’d have thought she won a prize. We all hugged her and I thought I saw a tear in her eye she was so happy. Our team was called the Pink Thunder.
Shannon, Alexis and I made the all-stars select team. That meant we would be playing until March and maybe beyond. I hoped it wouldn’t interfere with baseball.
Shannon, Alexis and I became a threesome, as school started. Alexis was really smart and carried straight A’s, as did Shannon. I got one A minus but my grades were better than when I was living in New Jersey. I’m not sure if it had anything to do with being a girl, but I noticed my two best friends were very serious about school. Maybe hanging with them was a good thing.
Ted on the other hand got B’s and C’s. Where I would study, he would be off playing with his friends and it showed in his grades.
“Why can’t you be more like your sister?” Mom asked after our first report cards were sent home.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
‘Your grades, there’s no excuse for these grades. She has almost straight A’s and look at yours - B’s and C’s. You’re twins so you can’t use any excuse other than you’re lazy.”
“I’m not lazy.”
“Then you’re spending too much time playing and not enough studying. I want to see your homework every day. I won’t have my children failing in school.”
“Mom, I’m not failing.”
“You are until you bring your grades up to your sister’s.”
I stuck my tongue out at him and ran to my room.
As the school year progressed, I noticed I was changing the way I did things. It was little things that I doubt had anything to do with being a girl. The differences between Ted and I had grown to be noticeable, like the way I talked and little things like walking or sitting, all of which have become feminine. One major difference though is the way I am around the house. I cleaned and put things away in my room, so let me explain.
It all started with the first day I met Shannon. As I mentioned, her room was very girly and everything was in its place. At the time, I assumed her mother kept her room perfect, making the bed, picking up her clothes and making sure her animals were all in their place on her bed. I found out how wrong I was.
It was about three months after we had moved into our home that Shannon was over playing in my room. We were playing a card game called Fish and sitting on my bed. As usual it wasn’t made, but my mother hadn’t had time as she had gone shopping for groceries.
“Your room’s a mess,” Shannon said.
“My mom hasn’t had time to make my bed yet,” I replied.
“You don’t make your own bed?” she accused.
“No, I don’t know how.”
“If I didn’t take care of my room, my mother would kill me.”
“Mom always does our rooms for us. Who does your room?”
Ted and I have never picked anything up in our lives.
“I do.”
“Everything, even your animals?”
“Of course everything. It’s my bedroom and it’s my responsibility.”
I felt ashamed. My best friend took care of her own room and I expected my mother to do the same for me. My room would be mine after this day and it would be mine to take care of.
“Would you show me how to make my bed?” I asked.
“Yes,” Shannon shrieked. “This will be so much fun.”
My idea of fun wasn’t making a bed, but Shannon was taking the time to show me how to take responsibility for myself. I didn’t think it was a girl thing but something I should do for my mother and just because I was a girl for the next three years I might as well take that step.
Shannon pulled the covers off the bed.
“First make sure the bottom sheet is flat and has no wrinkles.”
She pulled here and there and asked me to do the same. It took all of ten seconds and the sheet was flat.
‘See, that wasn’t so hard. Now the top sheet, watch.”
Shannon placed the sheet on the bed and pulled it until it was where she wanted it.
“Leave enough to turn back over the blankets,” she said, the tucked the end in at the foot of the bed.
“Now put the blankets on the same way except leave the blankets short of the end of the sheet.”
I did as instructed, correcting things as Shannon brought them to my attention.
“Now turn the sheet over the top of the blankets and tuck them in all the way around the bed. Everything should be tight.”
I tucked the blankets in like Shannon asked and she hugged me when I finished.
“See how nice it looks and it didn’t take that long to do. Now take the bedspread and place it on the bed but don’t tuck it in. It should be the same length all the way around the bed.”
I put the spread on and made sure it was even.
“Now the pillows.” Shannon placed the pillows on the bed and picked up Marvin and leaned him against the pillows.
“See, doesn’t that look a lot better?”
It did look nice. Shannon had done a better job than my mother, which made me wonder if she might just be a little bit compulsive?
“Do you have a hamper?”
“Yes.”
“Good, let’s finish your room and then we can play cards.”
Shannon and I picked up the clothes I had thrown near my closet door when I changed clothes. Being a slob had become a ritual when Ted and I shared the same bedroom and Shannon wasn’t going to put up with it.
“Now, this looks more like a girl’s room. Let your brother be a slob. Now all we have to do is talk your mom and dad into letting us decorate your room,” she laughed.
Shannon might have been as much of a tomboy as me, but she, unknown to her, was teaching me to become a girl. At one minute we would be playing football with the boys and the next with her Barbie dolls. I loved her to pieces.
Chapter Six
It was time for school to start and the day before Shannon was a ball of energy trying to decide what to wear to school.
“What are you going to wear?” she asked.
“I don’t know, whatever my Mom makes me,” I replied.
“I think we should wear dresses.”
“Do you think my mom will let me?”
“Are you kidding, if I don’t my mother will be mad at me for a week. Help me pick one.”
Shannon and I spent the next hour picking a dress for her to wear to school. I knew I wouldn’t have that problem because my selection of dresses was limited as my mom hadn’t filled my wardrobe with clothes yet, and Dad wasn’t making the money he had in New Jersey, so we kind of watched what we spent.
“Shannon, I have to go, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Be early, like seven-thirty so we can walk with the boys,” she ordered.
“Okay.”
I returned home to find my mother preparing dinner.
“Hi honey,” she said when I walked into the kitchen.
“Hi Mom.”
“Did you have a nice time at Shannon’s?”
“Yes, we were picking put a dress for her to wear to school.”
“Good, I was going to talk to you about that. I was thinking it would be best if you wore one too on your first day at school. If you do, there will be no mistake about you being a girl.”
“Are you sure? I haven’t worn a dress all summer except a few times when we went to church.”
“You’ll be fine. Let me wash my hands and we’ll pick one out for you to wear tomorrow.”
Mom finished wiping her hands and led me to my room. I didn’t have a large selection of clothes but there were more than I thought. Mom laid three dresses on the bed for me to choose from. All were sundresses. I liked the yellow one best.
“I like the yellow one, Mom.”
“I do too. Now let’s figure out what to wear with it.”
“Can’t I wear my shoes I have on?”
“Goodness no. When a girl dresses everything must go together, co-ordinate so to speak. You have to have the right shoes and sox. Your purse has to match. You’re not a boy anymore, but you’ll learn. Here take these sox and your Mary Jane shoes and try them on with your dress. I want to be sure everything fits properly.”
I did as Mom asked and looked in the mirror, yep I was a girl. I just hoped Shannon looked as girly as I did when school started. I walked into the living room and Mom smiled slightly and I swear she had a tear in her eye.
“You’re beautiful,” she said.
Just what I wanted to hear, but on the other hand it’s better than being ugly. I miss being a boy.
Ted ran through the door and stopped when he saw me. I thought his eyes would bug out. I smiled shyly at him. What he did next crushed my spirit. He laughed and it wasn’t one of those fun laughs, but it was mean spirited.
“Hahaha, you look so pretty,” Ted mocked.
“That’s not funny Ted,” I replied.
“Yes it is.”
I felt my anger boiling to the surface as I balled my fists. I moved to beat the living daylights out of him.
“Stop this instant,” Mom yelled.
“But Mom, Ted’s making fun of me,” I said, and then the stupidest thing happened, tears filled my eyes and ran down my cheeks.
“See what you’ve done?” Mom said to Ted, with a raised voice.
“But Mom, I was just kidding,” he whined.
“You don’t tease a girl about her looks Ted, especially your sister, now say your sorry.”
“I’m sorry,” Ted groveled.
I didn’t reply as I tried to gather my thoughts. Why had I cried? If Ted was in my place and I was in his, I’m sure I would have done the same thing. I knew I wasn’t a girl but yet I was trying so hard to be one that his remark broke my heart. I wonder how Shannon would have handled the same situation.
“Cindy, your brother apologized to you,” Mom said sternly.
“Okay,” I whimpered.
Mom woke me up earlier than Ted. She wanted to work on my hair before I went to school. It had grown a bit over the summer and she had more to work with. Ted however was able to retain his crew cut, which I jealously admired.
Mom finished my hair and put a layer of clear lip-gloss in my lips.
“Just like a big girl,” she laughed.
I didn’t like the taste and kept licking my mouth.
“Stop that Cindy, you’ll rub it off,” Mom admonished.
“But it tastes funny.”
“You’ll get used to it, now let me fix it.”
Mom applied another layer before lowering my dress over my head. My shoes and sox came next. After fluffing my hair, she looked pleased and I noticed her eyes were wet.
“You’re so pretty,” she said.
I blushed before I said, “Thanks Mom.”
Ted and I ate breakfast and finished just before Shannon knocked on the front door to our house. Mom opened it and let her in.
“My Shannon, you look pretty this morning,” Mom gushed.
“Thanks Mrs. Crane. Are you ready Cindy, the boys are outside, and I like your dress,” Shannon said.
“Thanks, I like what you’re wearing too.”
Shannon was wearing a just above the knees denim skirt and a white blouse with ruffles down the center. She looked as girly as me.
So it was the six of us walking to school for the first time, but certainly not the last. Four boys and two girls. I couldn’t help giggling to myself thinking that Shannon and I were probably tougher than any of the boys including my brother.
The walk took about half of an hour and we reached school five minutes before the bell rang for us to go to class.
Shannon, Ted and I were in the same class, with Juan, John, and Stick in the other third grade class. Alexis was in our class, so the three of us became the musketeers.
We studied together and played soccer together. It was like we were joined at the hip.
Most of the students had been attending this school ever since kindergarten, so when someone new entered their school like Ted and I, we became curiosities. Where are you from, how old are you, why do you look like each other, so Ted and I answered the questions until the student tired of the sport and we became students just like them. Unfortunately, we had to answer the same questions in front of our new classroom and students. I guess it came with the territory.
“Good morning Third Grade, I’m your teacher, Mrs. Macmillan.”
“Good Morning Mrs. Macmillan,” we said in unison.
There were twenty-eight kids in our class, seventeen girls and eleven boys. We learned that this was the advanced class and the other third grade was for students who had difficulty with their studies.
Mrs. Macmillan called roll and had us stand so we would know who was attached to the name. Most of the other students knew each other so Ted and I were oddities.
“Class I’m sure you noticed Ted and Cindy are twins. Do any of you know how many kind of twins there are?”
No one answered.
“Can you tell us Cindy?”
“Two,” I answered.
“And what are they?”
“Identical and fraternal.”
“That’s right, identical and fraternal. Identical twins are just as they sound, they’re identical. Fraternal twins aren’t the same, even though they look alike, much as Ted and Cindy do, except Cindy is a girl and Ted is a boy, so they are fraternal twins. Would you like to tell the class where you came from, Ted?”
“Detroit.”
I breathed a sigh of relief that Ted had remembered our cover and not said New Jersey. If he had things could have gotten bad for us.
“When did you move here?”
“At the beginning of summer.”
“What can you tell us about Detroit?”
“I don’t know. It’s like a city.”
“Did you like it there?”
“I like it better here.”
“What about you Cindy, do you like it here too?”
“Yes Mrs. Macmillan.”
“What do you like to do when you aren’t in school?”
“Play with Shannon and Alexis.”
“And what do you girls do together?”
“Play with Barbies and practice soccer.”
“Do you like soccer?”
“Yes Mrs. Macmillan.”
“Welcome to our school Ted and Cindy.”
That was it; we were now part of the new school.
Our lives fell into the normalcy we had left in New Jersey. Ted had his friends and I had mine. I was slowly growing into my role as a girl. I missed being a boy, but I had grown to like being with Shannon and having the freedom to play any games we wished. As a girl I could play with dolls and not be laughed at, as it was expected and yet if we wanted to play football, that was okay too. If Ted were to play with dolls, he would have never heard the end of it from his friends.
When I first played with dolls, it made me very uncomfortable. There was a certain taboo concerning boys and dolls, but as I fell deeper into my deception I grew to like the games we drew from our fantasies. I was considered a tomboy by most of my fellow students, as was Shannon. Alexis was considered a girly-girl but she was just as tough as us on the soccer pitch. At school she always wore dresses or skirts where as Shannon and I wore jeans and a blouse. Being eight it really didn’t matter whereas we were just kids.
At this age, there really wasn’t much difference between boys and girls. As girls our hair was longer and I did miss not having the crew cut Ted sported, but other than that, Shannon and I were just like one of the guys except when we played girl games. There was a certain freedom with that. One thing I did appreciate was the closeness girls had. I noticed the boys would hang out together and talk about football or some game they could play, but never about himself or herself. Shannon and I on the other hand would spend hours talking about ourselves and the dreams of becoming a princess or some other unattainable goal, but it was we, the person. It was a small thing but one that was slowly shaping who I was going to become.
Soccer season ended and even though we were on the all-star team, at our age the honor was just that, an honor. Next year we would play well into the winter on a traveling team, at eight we only played seven on seven and score wasn’t kept, yeah right.
Shannon came to my house after school in November and asked me if I wanted to play basketball at the local church with her.
“Cindy, they’re having sign-ups for basketball and this is the first year we’re old enough to play. My Mom and Dad said they would let me play. Do you want to be on my team?”
“I’ve never played basketball before,” I replied. I didn’t want to tell her about playing in New Jersey so I lied once again to my best friend.
“Me neither. Come on, it will be fun.”
“Okay, I’ll ask my parents.”
I asked that night and mom said yes, which made Ted want to do the same. He would ask his friends if they would play too.
The next day Mom, Shannon, Ted, Shannon’s mom, and I went to the Catholic Church where the league took place. Because of the low turnout we were informed that we might have co-ed teams. The coaches explained that at this age girls were as good as the boys and in some cases better players. He mentioned that the boys tended to try to impress each other by showing off whereas the girls were focused on the game and reveled in the camaraderie rather than showing each other up.
Two weeks later, we were informed there were enough kids to form two teams. Shannon and I were on the same team, all girls, yahoo. Ted was on an all boys’ team of which there were four. Because of the low turnout, we would be playing games in cities away from Jackson. Placerville and Lodi were mentioned.
My team had six players and the other girl’s team had seven. I knew all the girls because we all attended the same school, with the exception of Carolyn. She went to the Catholic school in Sutter Creek.
Practice started after Thanksgiving and it was an accomplishment just to reach the basket during the first practice. Most of us had never played basketball before and it showed. I had, but I still was just as bad as the other girls on my team. We spent more time giggling than shooting baskets. Our coach, Miss Hollings, was very patient with us. She had won a scholarship to Michigan ten years before returning home to Jackson. Shannon’s mom said she was the top athlete at the high school and her records still hadn’t been broken. She was the tallest girl I had ever seen and I loved her long blonde hair.
We practiced for a month before the season began. By that time we had the fundamentals of dribbling the ball and shooting, but weren’t very good at it. The other team wasn’t much better and as mom said, this is a learning experience.
The season started with an away game in Lodi, and we lost. The girls all seemed to be much better players than us. We later found out this wasn’t their first year playing basketball so we didn’t feel too bad after all.
The second game was at home and we did a little better. We played a game against a team from Placerville and we lost by only two points, which doesn’t sound like much, but the high score was ten. Miss Hollings was very pleased with our development and Mom provided the snacks. Yeah, snacks are the best part of the game.
The third game we won, but the team we played from Angel’s Camp wasn’t very good. We had become a team, which gained us hugs from Miss Hollings.
“Girls I couldn’t be more proud of you. I must say this is the best team I ever coached,” she said. “I’ll see you at practice Tuesday. Now get your snacks.”
We all squealed with joy and ran off to join or parents and get our treasured snack.
The games continued into February and we won almost half of the games. We became a much better team than the one that started the season.
As the season progressed I noticed changes in me. The unsure tomboy who started the season was becoming girlier as the season progressed. There was no more shame hugging or squealing as one of my teammates made a basket or did something that warranted excitement. I was becoming the girl I was portraying and I liked the person I was becoming.
Ted and I talked most every night about his friends and I did about mine. We were still at the age where boys and girls were pretty much the same with the exception of one or the other having cooties. Tonight our conversation would be different.
“Do you really like being a girl?” Ted asked, out of the blue.
“What do you mean?”
“Do you like being a girl? Do you miss being Marcus?”
I sat for a moment before I answered his question.
“Yes, I do like being a girl. I love my friends and being a girl isn’t much different than being a boy, except for the clothes. I do miss being Marcus and having hair like yours, but I like it when Mom brushes my hair for me.”
As my hair has started to grow, Mom has made a ritual of brushing my hair at night. Although it’s still short, it’s long enough for her to brush. It’s during this time we talk. Mom and I had never talked like we do now, when I was Marcus. She tells me about when she was young and her mother brushed her hair like she was doing with me. We talk about my feelings of what was happening to me, my friends and just about being a girl. It’s a special part of every day.
“Man, I wouldn’t want to be a girl just so I could have my hair brushed,” Ted responded.
“That’s not why I’m being a girl, and you know it. Spending time with Mom makes being one easier and I think my friends are nicer than yours too.”
“My friends are nice and we have lots of fun together.”
“I’m sure you do, but it’s not like Shannon and Alexis. We play the same sports you do, but we talk too. I bet you never ask your friends what you should wear to school?”
“Why would I do that? All we ever wear are jeans and a shirt.”
“See. Shannon lets me know if she’s going to wear pants or a skirt, and what kind of blouse or sweater so we can co-ordinate with each other.”
“That sounds stupid. Being a girl is stupid.”
“It’s not stupid,” I yelled a bit too loud.
Mom had been walking by Ted’s room with clean laundry toward my room.
“What’s stupid?” she asked.
“Ted said being a girl is stupid.”
“Ted, did you say that?”
“Yes Mom.”
“Why would you say such a thing?”
“Because it is. Marcus was fun, but Cindy is different. All she does is hang out with her girlfriends. Marcus and I did everything together, but now she just does girl things,” he said, and a tear ran down his cheek.
“It sounds to me that you miss Marcus rather than girls being stupid. I’m sure Cindy misses the time you and Marcus spent together too. I’m sure if she had her choice she would still be Marcus, but that’s not possible. Don’t forget baseball season starts next month and your sister will be playing ball just like when Marcus was here. You two will be on the same team, wearing the same uniform and swinging the same bat.”
“It will be just like it always was,” I said.
Ted smiled and said, “Yeah I guess.”
“Give your sister a hug and I don’t want to hear about how stupid being a girl is again.”
Ted and I put our arms around each other and pulled us into a brotherly hug.
“I miss you bro,” he said before breaking our embrace.
Basketball season ended and baseball was going to start in several weeks. Sign up was going to close in one week and I wanted Shannon and Alexis to play with me. During lunch at school I asked them to join the league with me.
This was a day when we decided to wear skirts and both Shannon and I were admonished for not keeping our legs together. Alexis always kept her legs together, so she would laugh every time the monitor would warn us.
“Shannon, Cindy, legs.”
“Yes Miss Wilson,” we would respond and move our knees together.
“Shannon, Alexis, did you sign up for baseball yet?” I asked.
“My dad say’s I don’t have time for baseball,” Alexis said.
“Why?” I asked.
“I have dance classes almost every day after school.”
“What about you Shannon? You don’t have dance classes.”
“I don’t know how to play baseball.”
“It’s easy. All you have to do is hit the ball.”
“I can’t. I tried, but just couldn’t do it.”
“I’ll help you,” I said.
“I don’t want to. I’ll come and watch you play, okay?”
“Okay.”
We spent the next two weeks just being girls. We jumped rope and played with dolls, tried on our clothes and played with each other’s hair. It was times like this that began to change the person I was.
When we first moved to Jackson, most people we met thought Ted and I were brothers, which we were, except I was wearing girls jeans and a blouse.
“Are your boys twins?” they would ask.
“Yes, except Cindy is a girl,” Mom would respond.
They would apologize and walk away saying I looked too much like a boy.
As time passed the comments changed and so had I. The changes in me were like building a stalagmite, one drip at a time. Drip, drip, just one molecule of lime at a time until one day there was a shaft of stone standing on a cave floor. It was the same with me, just a little bit of femininity at a time. Walking with Shannon and walking like a girl came slowly, but the changes came. So did the movements of my hands and the way I used them to express what I was saying. The slight inflections in my voice toward feminine had become as natural as my walk.
“Twins, they look so much alike. Your daughter is going to so pretty when she gets older,” mothers would gush.
“Thank you,” Mom would beam.
It had been ten months since we started this adventure and as crazy as it sounds, I was proud of whom I had become. True, I missed being Marcus but I truly like being Cindy.
I think the moment I realized I liked being a girl occurred on Easter Sunday. Mom had taken me to be fitted for a dress for church. We had to go all the way to Sacramento to find the exact dress Mom wanted me to wear. I had tried on dresses from Jackson to Stockton but none met Mom’s standards. She found a boutique on line and liked what they had to offer. The dress was white and was full with petticoats and lace everywhere. I was measured from top to bottom and the owner said she would have the dress shipped UPS and not to worry it would fit. While we were there Mom picked out white panty hose and white Mary Jane shoes to complete the outfit. I felt like a princess as I was measured and was made the center of attention. I loved the closeness Mom and I shared with the experience. The owner said she would ship the dress in one week and if anything had to be changed we could run back down to the store and she would take care of it while we waited.
The dress arrived the Monday before Easter and true to the storekeeper’s word, it fit like a glove. Mom wouldn’t let me wear the shoes and hose with it, as she wanted me to be surprised when Easter came.
The Saturday before Easter Mom made an appointment for me to have my hair done. It was finally long enough to have a selection of styles to choose from.
My hair was washed and styled, whereas Mom had the works.
“When you get older you can have everything done too, but for now your hair is enough,” she said.
Sunday morning Mom woke me early just to get ready. She had me shower and then dressed me. It didn’t take that long to dress, but everything had to be just so. Mom gave me new panties and a short slip to wear. On went the white panty hose and the dress. She then fastened my shoes carefully to my feet. She then brushed out my hair to look as if I had just come from the salon.
“I bought this to surprise you,” Mom said, handing me a pink bag.
I opened it and found white gloves to complete the outfit. Putting them on I looked at myself in the mirror, I was beautiful. A smile lit my face, knowing this was so wrong, but I felt so right at this moment. I turned back and forth and felt the petticoats rustling against my legs. I truly felt like a real girl.
Dad and Ted were waiting in the living room for Mom and me. You could see the shock on their faces when they saw me.
“Cindy, you’re beautiful,” Dad complimented.
“Damn, you look like a real girl,” Ted said.
Did I mention Ted had started to swear as of late as had his friends? Mom and Dad weren’t pleased.
“Ted, watch your mouth. You know we don’t like it when you swear. I think maybe we had better think of something to do to break you of that habit,” Mom said.
I blushed at the compliment and giggled at Ted’s predicament.
“Thank your brother Cindy.”
“Thanks Ted.”
Dad drove us to church arriving fifteen minutes before the service started. I think Mom had planned it that way so her daughter would be the center of attention. We had been attending this church since we arrived in Jackson and Mom and Dad were very involved with the various clubs. We had become well known because of that. Obviously Ted and I were known as the twins and as good athletes. Ted was a boy and dressed in his suit looked like a little man. I on the other hand was the center of attention. One of the main reasons though wasn’t because of how girly and feminine I looked, but everyone knew me as Cindy, the tomboy. I rarely wore skirts and was just as rough and tumble as the boys, as was Shannon my best friend. Parents would comment that I should have been born a boy, little did they know.
Today was different though.
“You would have never guessed a princess was just beneath those dirt smudges.”
“Truly a swan has made her appearance.”
Mom was beaming every minute her daughter received a compliment.
As the morning wore on, I too changed the way I thought of myself. I felt pretty and I liked it. Before this day, I had always thought of myself as Marcus, the boy pretending to be a girl. I did all the girl things with Shannon but she was as much a tomboy as me so I really never became a girly girl. Today was different. I felt as though I was Cindy Crane. I reveled in the attention I was receiving and knew Ted didn’t miss being the center of attention one bit.
After church Dad brought us to breakfast at Mel and Faye’s diner. Our Waitress, Shirley couldn’t compliment me enough.
“My daughter looked just like you when she was your age, so beautiful,” she gushed.
I of course blushed like crazy.
Shannon hadn’t seen my dress and when we got home I went to her house and knocked on the door. Her mother answered.
“Hi Mrs. O’Hara,” I said.
“Oh my look at you, Cindy. What a pretty dress, Come in,” she said opening the door for me to enter. “Shannon, Cindy’s here.”
Shannon came running from her room and stopped dead in her tracks when she saw me.
Her hand went to her mouth with a gasp, “Cindy, you look like a princess.”
“Do you like it?”
“I love it. Mom can you buy me a dress like Cindy’s?”
“You already have a dress.”
“But Cindy’s is prettier.”
“I’ll let you wear mine if you want.”
“Not today,” Mrs. O’Hara said.
“Come on,” Shannon said, pulling me by the hand to her room.
I smoothed my dress like Mom had shown me and sat on the edge of her bed.
“Cindy, you look so beautiful.”
“Thank you. Do you really like the dress?”
“I love it, don’t you?”
“Oh yes. I feel so special with it on.”
“You look special.”
So it went. Shannon and I talked about girl things the rest of the afternoon, dolls and growing into pretty women. We never spoke of soccer or any of the other things we shared with the boys. This was the day Marcus disappeared and Cindy became a real person. I don’t think I ever thought of myself as a boy again.
My changes also affected my mother. After our witnessing the murder, she had withdrawn from the outgoing person she had been and closed herself off from Dad and my brother and I. Living in Jackson had helped her return to her normal self, but when I became Cindy, it was like she became a new person. Mom and I seemed to talk more. When I was a boy she never shared her life with me, other than where she had been raised. Now she would tell me about her girlfriends when she was my age and how my life was going to change, as I got older. My love for my mother seemed to grow every day. Sadly, the closeness my mother and I shared seemed to diminish between Ted and I. There was a time when we were inseparable and like many identical twins would say and do things at the same time, even finishing sentences for each other. As our first year in witness protection grew to a close Ted seemed to have a boy/ girl prejudice building a wall between us, a wall I wouldn’t let happen.
“Ted,” I asked, one day after we had returned home from school, “Can I talk to you?”
“Sure, what’s up?”
“Are you mad at me?”
“Why would you ask that?”
“Because you never hang out with me anymore.”
“I do.”
“No you don’t. If you’re not with your friends, you’re in your room playing video games. We never used to be like that. We would play catch after we finished our homework or ride our bikes, but we were always together.”
“I know,” he answered sheepishly.
“Then what’s wrong?”
“It’s you. You’re a girl now and boys don’t play with girls.”
“I’m your sister, but I’m still Marcus under these clothes.”
“No you’re not. You aren’t a boy anymore and my friends say we don’t play with girls.”
“Is that why you started swearing?”
“All us guys swear, it’s what boys do.”
“God Ted, that’s the stupidest thing I ever heard. I might be Cindy now, but I can still catch and bat better than you.”
“No you can’t”
“Yes I can.”
“Prove it.”
My face was flushed with anger toward my brother. He was being such a jerk and I had always been a better ball player than him so I wanted to make a point. There was still a me, but the me was Cindy.
We grabbed our mitts and went into the back yard. Ted and I had both pitched during the first year after T-ball. Dad had worked with us every day and we both were several years ahead of the rest of the team with regards to pitching. As far as batting was concerned, we both were pretty equal with our skills.
Ted threw the ball to me, which I caught easily. I threw it back to him and he handled it as well. Back and forth we threw the ball. It was as if we had never left New Jersey. Then Ted did something unexpected, he threw with much more velocity. The ball slapped into my mitt, and then I knew, he wanted to prove he was better than me, his sister. I fired the ball back with as much gusto as had had thrown to me. This little exercise continued for several minutes and each throw grew in intensity. Now, bear in mind that we were just short of turning nine, that would take place in two months. As an eight-year-old boy and girl we weren’t as accurate as someone much older than us. It didn’t take long before we were diving for errant throws, so much so that Ted threw the ball at me as his anger grew that his sister was able to catch everything thrown at her, where as he dropped the ball twice because he was losing concentration. I was able to duck as the ball just missed my head. Unfortunately for Ted, the ball went through the window in the garage, breaking the glass.
We both looked at the damage before we spoke.
“You tried to hit me,” I said.
“No I didn’t, you just didn’t catch the ball.”
“Why would you do that to me?”
“Because.”
“Ted, because isn’t an answer. I could tell you were getting mad at me.”
“I wasn’t.”
“Yes you were. We never threw the ball like that before. You were just mad because I didn’t drop the ball.”
“Well you threw it where I couldn’t catch it.”
“Look at me, I have dirt all over my clothes because you threw the ball where you thought I wouldn’t catch it, but I did. I didn’t make you dive to catch it.”
“Bull.”
“Hey you two, playing catch I see,” Dad said, as he walked out the rear door of the house.
“What happened to the window?” he asked, when he spotted the damaged glass.
Ted and I looked down at the ground while I waited for him to say something. He didn’t. Ted was my brother and if he wouldn’t say anything, I would.
“Which one of you broke the window?” He asked, with more intensity in his voice.
“I did Dad. I asked Ted to throw the ball higher and said I would catch it, but it went off my mitt and it broke the window. I’m sorry, it’s all my fault,” I said as tears filled my eyes.
“Don’t cry Cindy, it was an accident. I can’t begin to tell you how many windows I broke when I was your age. It’s part of playing baseball in the back yard. It’s easy to fix, come on you two let’s go to the glass shop and we’ll come home and repair the damage.”
Dad walked to me and hugged me tight, and whispered, “Don’t cry, you didn’t do anything wrong.”
Ted watched quietly in the back ground while Dad went into the garage to get the car.
“You lied to protect me,” Ted said.
“I should have caught the ball.”
“I’m so sorry sis. I forgot what we were like and I was being stupid. You’re still a better player than me even if you are a girl.”
“I love you Ted and remember we’re still twins.”
Because we’re siblings Ted and I are on the same team. The rest of Ted’s friends ended up on other teams, which brought the usual good-natured teasing as the season progressed. Our team was one of the best and Ted and I were the best players on the team. This of course brought many taunts that Ted’s sister was a better player than him. To his credit he didn’t let it bother him after our confrontation with the window.
When the season ended, both Ted and I were selected to the all-star team. This meant playing during the summer and meant I would be spending less time with Shannon. As hard as it was to admit, I was beginning to like my time playing girl with her. Cindy was slowly taking a little of Marcus away with every passing day.
The next two years seemed to fly by. Ted and I were still all-stars and other players were impressed that a girl could pitch as well as I did. I had trouble remembering the Marcus I had left behind. With the time I had spent with Shannon and my other girlfriends my physical movements had changed. My walk had become feminine, as had my hand movements. I had pretty much become the girl I was portraying. Even Ted noticed the changes and wondered what I would do in the future?
“Hey Cindy, want to play catch for a while?” he asked.
I hadn’t finished my homework from school yet and I felt it was more important than playing ball. When I was Marcus you couldn’t keep me away from a chance to play ball with Ted.
“I have to finish my homework bro, maybe later.”
“It’ll be dark later.”
“I’m sorry but my studies come first. Shannon and I want have straight A’s when our report cards come out.”
“It’s just for a few minutes,” he pleaded.
“I can’t Ted, this is really important.”
“You were never like this before you became a girl,” he said disgustedly.
“It’s not about being a girl, Ted. Were both the same, it’s just that I have to pretend to be a girl, that’s all.”
“It’s more than pretending Cindy. You’re nothing like the twin brother I had three years ago.”
“That’s nonsense, Ted. Were twins and I haven’t changed, well except for my hair and the clothes I wear. I’m still your twin brother.”
“Cindy, you’re not. You’ve changed. You walk like a girl and talk like a girl. Maybe when you wear jeans you kind of look like a boy with long hair, but as soon as you talk or walk everyone sees that you’re a girl.”
“I could cut my hair?”
My hair had grown for three years and Mom decided she wanted her daughter to have long hair. It now reached the middle of my back and I pleaded with her to not let it grow any longer. She asked why and I explained that it got tangled when I played ball, so she relented and had my hair styled at the length it was now.
“Mom would kill you.”
“But then I would be your brother again.”
“Is that what you want?”
“No,” I answered softly.
“See, that’s what I mean, Cindy, you really are a girl now.”
“But we’re twins.”
“I know we’re twins and I love you just as much as if you were a boy. You’re my sister and we still answer for each other when we talk,” Ted laughed.
Ted was right, we still were twins. Every time we were together and were talking with parents or friends, we always ended up saying what the other had started. I loved my brother and as hard as it was to admit, I liked being a girl and liked being his sister.
As was normal, we had grown to four foot four inches tall. If I was to cut my hair and change my clothes we would be identical twins once more but I knew the danger to our family if I did, and beside I liked the girl I had become and wondered what the coming years would provide?
Edited by Di Wonder
To Be Continued...
Twins Part 2
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Twins
Part Two
Chapter Seven
Ted and I had just turned eleven when our FBI handlers came calling. They had some bad news and we had some life-altering decisions to make. Agent Groves and agent Martinez called and explained they would be coming by to talk to us Wednesday evening.
After dinner there was a knock on our front door.
“That must be the FBI,” Dad said.
That was obvious, as all Ted’s and my friends always came through the kitchen. We used to come through the front door but always ended up in the kitchen and after one incident after a rain storm Mom asked us to please come through the back door. Ever since then, Shannon and my friends entered that way as did Ted’s friends, and, as they would say, it’s closer to the refrigerator. Did I mention we ate a lot? Active growing kids seem to eat everything in sight and our friends were no exception.
Dad opened the door and let the two Agents in the entry.
“Good evening Mr. Crane, you’re looking well,” Agent Groves said as a greeting.
“Good evening Agents, shall we go into the living room?”
Dad motioned the indicated and ushered them in. Mom, Ted, and I were still in the kitchen just finishing dinner.
“Honey, the Agents are here. Bring the kids in here please.”
“Come on kids, let’s get this over with.”
We walked to the living room and I could see the surprise on Agent Martinez’s face. The last time she had seen me I had very short hair and pretty much looked like Ted. Now a very cute girl smiled back at her.
“Cindy! My! What a surprise! You’ve become a very pretty young girl since the last time I saw you. Are you still interested in sports?”
“Yes Agent Martinez. I made the all-star team with Ted.”
“See, didn’t I tell you girls were as good as boys,” she said with a chuckle.
“Let’s get to business,” Agent Groves said. “How have you been settling in? Any problems living here?”
“No, as a matter of fact, we’ve grown quite fond of the community. We have wonderful neighbors and I’ve built a small following of customers. The kids have a large group of friends and if possible we really don’t want to move again.”
‘’I’ll put you at ease, there is no discussion about moving you again, but we’ve reached the point where decisions have to be made. As we mentioned when you went into the program you would have time to acclimate to your new lives, which it sounds as though you’re doing very nicely. The only fly in the ointment though is Cindy. We mentioned that a time would come where there would be no turning back to her life. She could remain a girl or become Marcus once again and that time has come. Cindy has to appear to be a normal girl and this is the time in her life that puberty would start.”
“What are you saying?” Mom asked, obviously concerned about what agent Groves was inferring.
“She will have to start puberty during summer vacation if we are to continue with witness protection. If not, you can opt out and go back to being a family with twin boys. There is a second problem though and I would hate to have what has happened influence your decision about Cindy, but it must be made known to you. The man you testified against has escaped from custody.”
“What! How did that happen? He was sentenced to life in prison,” Dad asked.
“He was to be brought to trial for a different murder and, during the transfer, thugs from the Russian Mafia attacked the vehicle he was riding in and he got away. Two marshals were killed. There’s a countrywide manhunt looking for him, but I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for him to be captured. That group has very good means for hiding people and it’s important that you know of the situation.”
“That’s just great!” Dad exclaimed in frustration. “Now what do we do?”
“Continue living as you are now, but I must warn you that if you decide to quit witness protection and Cindy becomes Marcus again, I don’t like your chances.”
“So you’re saying Cindy has to go the next step?”
“We’re not saying that at all. The optimum scenario is to continue with the original plan but we can’t make you do anything you don’t want to do. The choices are yours to make, but since Cindy has been living as a girl for three years she might want to continue her development. The only thing though is if she makes that decision there will be no turning back. She will always be Cindy.”
“Do you have to have an answer tonight?” Mom asked.
“No of course not. Talk it over and think about it. Let us know what you want to do?”
The agents left and Dad called a meeting to discuss what was being asked of me.
“Wow, that was a shock,” Dad said.
“It was, I can’t believe that man escaped,” my mother responded.
“Thank God we’re in this program. I don’t think he will find us.”
“How can you be so sure?” Mom asked.
“He’ll be looking for a family with two identical twin boys.”
“Yes, I imagine he will, which brings us to the other thing Agent Groves said. If this is to continue, Cindy will have to become a real girl and I’m not sure if she will want that?”
“Can’t Cindy become Marcus again?” Ted asked.
“She could, but if she does we’ll have to leave the witness protection program,” Dad said.
“Why couldn’t we still be in the program and be brothers again?”
“Because it would be too easy for the assassin to find us and the FBI doesn’t want the responsibility of protecting us. We already served our purpose so there is no reason to keep us hidden.”
“We’re hidden now.”
“Yes we are, but that’s because Marcus was brave enough to become Cindy. If she became Marcus again all bets are off.”
“You’re talking like I’m not even here,” I whined.
“We’re sorry, Cindy. We didn’t mean to ignore you. It was just easier to talk about your options.”
“My options?”
“Yes. What we’re talking about is whether you would want to remain Cindy for the rest of your life? It would be a very big decision for someone as young as you to make,” Mom said.
“I’ve been Cindy for three years and I really like being her. I don’t have a problem being her for a while longer.”
“That’s not what is being offered to you. If you continue being Cindy, the FBI wants to make it permanent; in other words you’ll become a real girl and there will be no turning back. Marcus will be gone forever.”
“Why couldn’t I change back?”
“Because if you decide to continue being Cindy, you’ll be given hormones to make you become a woman and because of your age you’ll be a woman forever. I’m sure you’ve had some sex education class by now explaining the differences between men and women. Girls and boys mature differently. Girls become softer and boys become more muscular. I’m sure you noticed your friend Shannon has been changing. She’s started her puberty.”
“If I decide to become a real girl, will I still be able to play baseball?”
“Of course you can, but you might not want to. The hormones will change your body and you won’t be as good of a player as Ted. They do have girl’s teams in high school, but you would be playing softball instead.”
“But I like baseball.”
“And you can play for as long as you like. What I’m saying is you might not want to.”
“Why?”
“Because girls think differently when they go through puberty. If you decide to become a girl, you’ll see.”
“What kind of changes will happen to me?”
“You’ll become a woman. The outside is easy to see, but if you don’t want to become a woman on the inside, you shouldn’t do this thing. We’ll think of some way to keep us safe, but we’ll probably have to move from here in the future; and when the man finds out about us we’ll have to move more often, maybe several times a year.”
“What about my friends?”
“You won’t be able to have friends anymore, well not like you have here. It would be too dangerous.”
“Can’t I just keep dressing and living like Cindy the way I do now?”
“You could for several more years, but when puberty hits Ted, it will also hit you. You will become a handsome young man, but you will also become someone that doesn’t look like a Cindy. Honey, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. We love that you were able to become Cindy for as long as you have, but we would love you as Marcus as much as we love Cindy.”
“Can I think about it for a while?” I asked.
“Sweetheart, we want you to think about it. It’s a very big decision for an eleven year old girl to make.”
“May I go to my room now?”
“Of course.”
I walked to my room and felt six eyes follow my every move. The decision I had to make would affect us for the rest of our lives, not just mine, but also my brother’s and my parents’. I had a lot of thinking to do and wished I could ask Shannon what she would do, but knew that wasn’t possible because she didn’t know who Marcus was.
I closed the door to my room and sat on my bed taking my teddy bear and squeezed him to my chest, hugging him tightly.
It wasn’t fair for me to have to make a decision like this. I was only eleven years old. How was someone my age supposed to know what to do? Would I really want to become the girl Cindy was supposed to be? Why shouldn’t I become Marcus again? Did I want to become the boy I had volunteered to leave behind three years ago? Had I really changed as Ted had pointed out to me? Had I become that girl and not even realized it?
Would it really be that bad to become a girl? I had been living as one for three years and it hadn’t harmed me and to be honest with myself I liked the person I had become. Being a girl felt natural to me, and I had friends. Sure Ted had friends too, but there was a closeness I shared with Shannon and Alexis that Ted didn’t with his friends. Sure they hung together but that was all. My friends and I spent hours on the phone and shared every secret in our lives, with the exception of who Cindy really was. Did I want to give up that closeness? Even more importantly, did I want to stop being a girl? I had grown to like the little things Shannon and I did, playing with dolls and then turn right around and beat the boys at soccer. There were other things though I couldn’t measure about being a girl, things I didn’t want to give up. The special feelings when I put on a new dress for church or finding a bird with a broken wing and trying to set it to save its life and the tears when I failed and it died. The hugs Shannon and I shared with every special moment in our lives and the closeness when Mom would braid my hair or brush it at night.
If I were to become Marcus again how would I explain these special moments? Did I really want to swagger with Ted and his friends? I hated it when they would go off and shoot Juan’s BB gun at targets and then let the paper targets drift toward birds and chipmunks. I knew most young boys shot small animals when you lived in an area like Jackson, but I liked being able to say no when they asked me to go with them even better.
I didn’t think of my personality as being girlish, but as I thought about it I was wrong. I had become the girl Cindy was supposed to be and I loved who I was. If I went through with Cindy’s puberty I would no longer have to hide the Marcus I had left behind because there would no longer be a Marcus.
Then I thought of something else, what would happen to Ted’s and my relationship? We’ve remained close even with my subtle changes, still finishing a sentence one or the other of us had started. Would that change if I really became a girl? Would Ted still love me like he loved Marcus? He’s voiced his displeasure with Cindy on more than one occasion although he seems to have grown more accustomed with her over the last two years. I know in my heart what I want to do, but I want to talk to Ted first and if he wants a sister then I’ll become Cindy for real.
I woke the next morning still hugging my bear. I had changed into my nightie, hugged my bear tightly and fallen into a deep sleep. When I woke I remembered that I wanted to talk to Ted. I went to his room and shook him awake.
“Ted, Ted, wake up,” I whispered.
“Huh, what?”
“It’s me, I want to talk.”
“Can’t it wait? I’m tired.”
“No, I want to talk before Mom and Dad get up.”
“Okay, what do you want?”
“How would you feel if I really became Cindy?”
“You already are Cindy.”
“No, I mean for real? Wouldn’t you rather have Marcus around?”
Ted was silent for a half of a minute. I could see he was thinking.
“This is for real, isn’t it?”
“Yes and it’s important to me about how you would feel if Marcus never came back again.”
“You haven’t been Marcus for three years and I’ve grown kind of used to having Cindy around.”
“Do you miss Marcus?”
“Yes, but I like Cindy a lot too. I never thought I would say this, but I like having a sister. I miss Marcus and who we were, but I’ve grown to love my sister. Things haven’t really changed, we still play ball together, finish each other’s sentences and still have a special thing between us. I love you Cindy and remember what we talked about, you really have become a girl. If Mom cut all your hair off, you’d still be a girl. It’s the way you are now, the way you walk and talk. When you watch Shannon, does she look like a boy when she does things?”
“No.”
“You don’t either. You look just like her when you do things, except when you hit the baseball, then the old Marcus is back. If you decide to become Marcus again, I think I would miss Cindy as much as I missed Marcus when this whole thing started. I love you Sis and I’d hate to see you go.”
My eyes had filled with tears. I never thought my brother could make me feel the way I did, so full of love for my identical twin.
“I love you too,” I said, and then I did something I never would have done as Marcus, I hugged my brother.
I returned to my room and dressed for school. I still had a lot on my mind, but I think I had made the decision to remain Cindy. Walking to school with Shannon and our friends only cemented my choice of genders. I truly had become a girl.
I looked at my day in school in a different light enjoying the interaction with my friends. I had never really looked at what we did or talked about; we just did it as girls. Now I watched every move Shannon and Alexis made, listened to every word they said and realized I had become exactly like them. Boys were yucky, flowers were pretty and we still loved playing with our dolls. I was startled by the changes that had taken place in my life.
When I was Marcus I thought nothing of rolling in the dirt or running at the most inappropriate times. My brother and I were constantly being scolded about rowdy behavior but that was the life of a boy. Nothing was meant to be destructive, but at times I guess it was.
Now I didn’t like getting dirty. Oh you couldn’t help it when you played ball and it went with the territory. The same applied to soccer especially after a rain when we couldn’t help getting muddy. The only real change was I couldn’t wait to get home and take a shower and change my clothes. I no longer enjoyed being dirty.
The same could be said about talking with my girlfriends. When I was a boy we would talk about things, baseball or what was on TV, did you see my neat truck, things like that. Now when I talked with my friends we talked of how we felt. Loved that dress, I felt so special with it on. I was so sad after we lost our soccer game that I cried. I hugged my bear. I feel so special when Shannon and I talked. I knew I would never want to lose that feeling and knew deep in my heart I was a girl.
At dinner that night I made my choice known to my family.
“Mom, Dad, I know what I want to do about Cindy,” I said.
“And what’s that?” Mom asked.
“I want to be her forever. I don’t want to be Marcus anymore.”
“Do you know what you’re saying?”
“Yes, and I thought about it all night, except when I slept.”
“Can you tell me why you want to remain Cindy?” Mom asked.
“Because that’s who I am now. You and Dad love me, Ted loves me and I think my best friends love me and most important I love myself.”
“You’ll never be able to become Marcus again, how do you feel about that?”
“Marcus was who I was until three years ago, until I met Cindy. I love being Cindy and I love who she is. I never want to lose her, Mom. Please let me do this thing. I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t really become her.”
Mom sat quietly for a minute before tears filled her eyes.
“I love you, Baby,” she said and pulled me into an embrace.
Dad smiled and Ted, well Ted stuck his tongue out at me. I guess some things never change except I knew he was doing it in fun. I could feel his love toward me, isn’t that what twins do?
Dad called Agent Groves on his cell and informed him of our decision, well actually my decision and asked when treatment would start. Agent Groves said he and Agent Martinez would like to have another meeting tomorrow night. Everything would be explained then.
At seven o’clock sharp, Agents Groves and Martinez arrived. Dad opened the door when he heard the knock.
“Back so soon?” Dad asked with a chuckle.
“You called us,” Agent Groves answered, with little humor in his voice.
“Don’t mind Tom, he’s been a pain the ass all day,” Agent Martinez laughed.
“Yeah well, my wife was less than thrilled that I would be working up here again tonight. It’s our anniversary and she wanted dinner out with me and not the kids.”
“Sorry for the inconvenience,” Dad said.
Dad led the Agents into the living room and had them sit facing us on the sofa.
“I guess we all know why we’re all here?” Agent Groves said, stating the obvious. “Since you’ve made the decision to continue in witness protection we thought it best to explain what will happen next. I’ll let Sandra explain the next step. She’s much better than me with the meds.”
“Meds?” I asked.
“Medicine, Honey,” Mom said.
“Thank you. I’ll speak mainly to Cindy but if any of you have any questions whatsoever feel free to interrupt.
Cindy, what we’re talking about is hormones, hormones that will make you become a woman. You know what puberty is, don’t you?”
“Yes, it’s when you become a man or woman.”
“That’s correct and because of your situation we want to be sure this is what you want. If your answer is yes then after school ends for the year we will be taking you to Stanford Hospital in Palo Alto for tests and, after you’ve been analyzed, you will be given a time release implant under your skin that will last about six months before another is implanted. It will have the same amount of hormones as a girl your age would have naturally. Most of your development will take about three years and then it will be another five or six years before you complete your journey. After that, you will be put on a mild dose of hormones to keep you feminine and unfortunately you will have to take them the rest of your life. When you’re fourteen you will be given an operation to make you complete. You will be a woman in every way with the exception being able to bear children but you will be able to adopt if you so choose. Do you have any questions so far?”
“No, well maybe one, will I still be able to play baseball?”
“You will but you are going to find out that your strength will be less than your brothers and you might consider playing on a girl’s team instead. I’ll be honest with you Cindy; hormones will create changes in your body and brain that might change your whole outlook with regards to sports. Your parents told us you’ve agreed to continue in the witness protection program, but we need to be absolutely sure it’s what you want? Once you start, there will be no turning back. Are you absolutely sure you want to become a woman?”
“Yes, it’s what I want. I thought about it last night and after talking to my brother and parents it’s what I want to do. I knew what I wanted after spending three years as a girl, but I had to be sure my brother would accept me. We’re identical twins but after the treatments we won’t be. Well we will, but in a way we won’t, but he told me he loved me as Cindy and said he would miss me if I decided to be Marcus again. I really don’t want to be a boy again so I would really like it if we could start my new puberty.”
“Then it’s done. I’ll make arrangements with the hospital for the end of June. Welcome to my world, Cindy.”
Chapter Eight
It was a month until school ended and another two weeks before we left for Stanford. I would have to explain my absence to Shannon. We were sitting in her room doing homework after school one day and it was our quiet time when we talked about our lives. I knew everything in her life, and she knew mine with the exception of the witness program.
“I’m going on vacation for a week when school ends,” I mentioned to her.
“Where are you going?”
“Down to around San Francisco, I think?”
“I’ve been there before. Mom and Dad brought us there for the weekend. It was fun.”
“I’ll miss you when I’m gone. I wish you could come with us.”
“Me too. How long are you going to be gone?”
“I don’t know, maybe a week.”
“That’s not too long. Let me know if you see any nice clothes.”
“I will.”
Shannon would have never asked me to look at clothes a year ago and I could tell she was changing. She was still a tomboy, but there was a softer side to her. She was becoming a woman and her interests were changing, slowly, but it was happening. I wondered if I would be going through similar changes after my visit to Stanford? Only time would tell.
During the next month and a half, the changes I saw in Shannon were startling. She had begun to bud and things we had always done together didn’t seem to interest her anymore. The dolls had found new homes on her shelves and she seemed more interested reading Teen magazine than playing with dolls. I had long ago become fascinated with my Barbies realizing I would become like her one day. Marcus had truly left my life. One thing hadn’t changed though, Shannon’s love for soccer. As much as I loved baseball, I had taken to practicing soccer skills with her almost every day.
“I want a scholarship and if we’re good enough we’ll both get one,” she said as she one touched a pass back to me.
I was almost as good as she was and with more practice we would be an unbeatable team, Shannon and Cindy Super girls.
I no longer thought of myself as being a boy. The changes had been subtle but they came. It took about two years before I stopped thinking about Marcus. I was now Cindy and as I thought about it nothing had really changed much. Sure I wore a skirt or dress once in a while, but everything else remained the same. I played ball and spent time with my friends, girls now rather than boys, but my body still was that of Marcus’s. My movements were now feminine, hanging out with girls everyday will do that, even to the most boyish boy, but even though I didn’t think of Marcus, there wasn’t anything I did that he wouldn’t have done other than playing with dolls. Ted even played some of the girl’s games we did and he didn’t suddenly turn in to a girl so my life was pretty much the same as it always was. That was about to change.
I fell asleep on our drive to Stanford. It only took three hours, but I slept for most of it. Normally I would talk to Ted, but this trip we made without him. Juan and his family were going camping near Silver Lake and asked if he would like to join them? It was a big decision for him to make, camping or sitting around a hospital for a few days, camping? Hospital? I guess we all know which won? When the car stopped moving the changed motion woke me from my slumber.
“We’re here Honey,” Mom said.
I looked around and saw we were in a parking lot next to several buildings. The signs said Stanford Hospital.
I blinked to clear the sleep from my eyes, sat up and straightened my skirt. Mom had thought it best if I looked a little like a girl when we arrived so there would be no mistake when people other than the medical staff saw me. Ted and I still looked too much alike and she felt it best if I was viewed as a girl rather than a boy in girl’s jeans.
We looked at the map in a display case near the exit of the parking lot and determined that Dad had lucked out and parked the car only three buildings away from where we wanted to be.
The buildings were glass and concrete structures two or three stories tall and looked inviting. Stanford’s medical clinic is known as one of the best in the world and being able to come here and have the FBI pay the bill was something Dad couldn’t help liking.
We entered the lobby of building 376e and walked to the reception desk. A guard was waiting for us to sign in. I thought it was special, but everyone that wanted to pass his desk did the same. So much for feeling special.
“We have an appointment,” Dad said.
“Name?”
“Cindy Crane.”
The guard typed my name into the computer and watched the monitor. His eyes opened a bit more than usual but didn’t betray his thoughts.
“Your appointment is in room 384, special projects. When you arrive, ring the bell button next to the door and you will be let in. The elevator is to my left and you’ll want the third floor. You’ll need these identity cards, which were supplied by whom ever, has arranged for this visit. Good luck.”
The three of us were handed identity cards on a long strap and we placed them over our heads and let them rest on our chests. We found the elevators and Dad pushed the up button. There were four elevators in the lobby and one opened immediately when the button was pushed.
The elevator car was roomy; the floors were granite and the walls expensive birds eye maple with matching grain. It was obvious money wasn’t an issue with regard to the building.
Exiting on three, we looked at the walls on each side of the lobby. The signs on the east wall read 300-350, and the west wall read 351-399. We walked to the west corridor and turned right toward the higher numbers. Arriving at 384 Dad pushed the button next to the door. We didn’t hear a sound, so he pushed the button again. Once again there was no sound.
“Damn,” Dad swore, “The least they could have is a doorbell that worked.”
The door had the number 384 on it, but under the numbers was a sign that read No Admittance Authorized Personal Only.
The door opened and we were greeted by Agent Martinez.
“Mr. and Mrs. Crane, Cindy, nice to see you again, come in.”
“Nice to see you too, Agent Martinez,” Dad replied and led us into the room.
The corridor leading to 384 was spartan in appearance, white walls, white acoustic ceiling, fluorescent fixtures, and a high-end beige industrial carpet. The lobby of the room we entered was like WOW. The walls were painted a soft blue color with white crown molding around the room. Light fixtures hung on two cables stretched from one side of the room to the other. Light shone on the many paintings hung on all four walls. The furnishings were leather and wood. You could tell everything was expensive.
“Have a seat. I’ll let the doctor know you’re here,” she said and walked from the room through a door with a glass panel that had rice paper between the two lights of glass. The frame was walnut. We sat and waited for less than a minute before the door opened again. A woman who looked to be just over thirty entered the room and walked briskly toward Dad.
Holding out her hand she said, “Mr. and Mrs. Crane, I’m Dr. Sheila Livingston and I’ll be the person treating Cindy during her stay with us, and this must be Cindy?” she asked, turning to face me.
“Yes,” I blushed.
“No need to feel shy, Cindy, we’ll become friends in almost no time at all. Most of what we do here won’t hurt a bit, and what little does, won’t bother a strong girl like you. Why don’t we go back into my office and chat a bit and then we’ll get Cindy checked in to the clinic? Her room will be here so she won’t be having any interaction with other patients but since she will only be here for three days she won’t miss out on much.”
We walked to Dr. Livingston’s office and it was as opulent as the lobby. The only difference was the presence of her desk near an outside window. There were three chairs in front of her desk.
“Cindy, why don’t you sit here,” pointing to the middle chair, “and your mother and father can sit on each side of you.”
We sat and looked at Dr. Livingston waiting for her to continue.
“Now, we all know Cindy is here to start her hormone course and it is one that will continue for the rest of her life because she doesn’t have the right plumbing to produce the proper hormones herself. After puberty is complete, she will go on maintenance so she will always have her feminine appearance. During the initial process she will have to be monitored every six months, which can be done when she returns for her appointment. The unfortunate part of that is you will have to return here for tests every time the implant is replaced. Cindy will become a test subject for us and with her help we might be able to recommend hormone therapy to younger individuals rather than waiting for them to mature into someone they don’t want to be. Do you have any questions so far?”
“You mentioned an implant?” Mom asked.
“Yes, what we propose is inserting an hormonal implant in Cindy’s arm rather than having her take pills and injections during the maturation process. The implant will allow the hormones to go directly into her circulatory system rather than having to be digested and possibly do harm to her liver. An important side effect is that the hormones will be released all the time without having a jump with each dose.”
“Will it hurt her?”
“Just a little when we implant it. After she has it for a while, she’ll forget it’s even there,” she said, pointing at my arm.
Dr. Livingston had a kind face and lovely voice, but her bedside manner needed some repair. I was beginning to feel like an apple or orange rather than a girl who had come to her for help. The way she expressed herself was so impersonal, almost like discussing the rebuild of a car. I guess she didn’t want to become attached to her special patients, but I missed the care I received from my old doctor.
“What will happen after the implant?” Mom asked.
“The first noticeable change will be growth. Cindy will start to grow to her adult height.”
“How tall will she be? My husband is six-two and I kind of thought Ted and, well, Marcus would be taller than him?”
“Fortunately or unfortunately in Cindy’s case it doesn’t work that way. To be perfectly honest with you we have no idea of how tall she will be. You’re quite short, I’m guessing around five foot-one, but we have no idea of what part of your gene pool was passed on to Cindy, and we still have no idea of what the estrogen will do to that pool. The gene you passed on could have been one that will stop her growth at five-one or you might have passed on something altogether different. Only time will give us that answer.”
“She won’t be a six foot woman, will she?”
“I can’t answer that question. Hormones are something we know much about, but not everything, like how her height will be selected and other things that might be influenced by puberty. We can’t even be sure what genes you passed during conception. The height gene you passed could have come from your father or grandfather, or your mother for that matter, and until Cindy has completed her journey we won’t know.”
“If her brother grows to be six foot three, will she also?”
“As I stated, we won’t know until her journey is finished and that’s why Stanford is taking a very large interest in Cindy. We get to make a case study on the impact hormones make in a child Cindy’s age and the effect on her genes. We also want to study the effect they might have on her mental health. If she didn’t want to become a girl and she suddenly changed her mind with the introduction of hormones it would be something we would want to pursue a study about.”
“When will you be implanting the hormones?”
“Today, if you’d like. She will have to remain here for several days to be sure the implant is providing the proper dose and she will also have her first mental examination. You will have to return every six months to replace the hormones and she will also have her mental examination at the same time. I know this sounds rather cold, but it won’t be after we get started. I’m sure Cindy will become fond of her new adventure and we will become friends.”
I listened to every word as Mom and the doctor laid out the rest of my life. Did I really want what was going to happen to me? I couldn’t be sure but I had to admit I liked being a girl. If you had asked me that three years ago I would have thought you were nuts, me a girl and liking it, not hardly.
“Cindy, you’ve heard what we’ve said. Are you ready for your first implant?”
“I guess,” I answered with trepidation.
“Good, the sooner the better,” the doctor said. “Come with me and we’ll give you a physical, your implant and get you settled in your room. Mrs. Crane, will you come with us?”
Mom joined me and we were led to a small room where the exam would take place. I had had physicals before, but this one was so much more thorough than the ones for school. I was measured and poked, felt in places no one but me should touch and finally we were finished.
“I have to draw Cindy’s blood so we have a base line to compare the hormones to and then I’ll implant the hormone.”
“Ouch,” I exclaimed when the lab technician stuck the needle in my arm for the blood. She took five vials and labeled them.
“This won’t take long Cindy, maybe a half of an hour and then I’ll do the implant. Would you like to read anything while I’m gone?” the doctor asked.
“May I read the TEEN magazine?” I asked, noticing the headline about how to apply makeup. Since I was going to become a real girl I might as well learn things my mother hadn’t taught me yet.
“The half of an hour…..” became forty minutes and every one of them felt like an hour long before the doctor returned to my room with a syringe.
“Your blood work is normal, Cindy and now your big moment has arrived. It’s time for you to become a young lady.”
I looked at the needle and wondered if I was doing the right thing. Oh, I wanted the implant, but I didn’t realize just how big the needle would be. The doctor saw the look of concern on my face and smiled.
“Don’t worry sweetheart, it will only hurt for a second and then it will be all over with.”
The nurse swabbed the inside of my upper arm with alcohol or whatever they use and stepped back allowing the doctor to take my arm in her hand.
“Look the other way sweetie,” she said.
I did and the sneak pushed the needle in my arm. It felt like she drove a truck into it, I shrieked in pain. I vowed I wouldn’t cry, after all little boys don’t cry, but damn it I’m not a little boy anymore so the tears escaped my eyes.
After the pain passed I was led to my room. I still had the hospital gown on and wondered if I would have to wear it the whole time I was at Stanford.
“Nurse, will I have to wear this all the time?” pointing at the gown.
“No, Cindy, you can change into civilian duds if you like. Think of this as more of a vacation than a hospital stay. You won’t be needed until tomorrow morning for your mental exam and after that we’ll keep you here for another two days for blood work. After that you can go home.”
Mom and Dad spent the rest of the day with me and brought me out to dinner in nearby Palo Alto. The food was incredible and I know I ate too much. Mom warned me that I would have to watch what I ate now that I was going to go through puberty. Girls she explained gain weight more easily than boys, which made Dad laugh.
“What’s so funny?” I asked defensively.
“I get to eat all I want and you’ll turn into a hippo if you do,” he laughed.
“Maybe not,” I responded. I think Dad had one too many cocktails.
“We’ll see.”
“Honey, you and I will watch our weight together. Let the men make pigs of themselves.”
“Thanks Mom.”
Mom and Dad were staying at a nearby hotel so they brought me back to the hospital and checked me back in. I spent a few hours watching TV and then went to bed. I know I had weird dreams but I couldn’t remember any of them.
The nurse woke me at eight with breakfast.
“Good morning sweetheart, ready for another boring day?” she asked, with a chuckle.
“Yes I guess. I wish I could go home. I miss my friends.”
“It will just be a few more days and today is the only one that you’ll have to be here all day. Tomorrow you can go with your parents after we draw some blood and you’ll be going home the day after that.”
“Thank God.”
I ate my breakfast and dressed. At least I didn’t have to wear that horrible gown the hospital provides but then why would I? The only thing I’m here for is the implant and I already had that. I wondered about today, what would I be tested for now?
I was brought to a small office that looked more like a living room than an office. A woman about thirty-five years old greeted me. She had dark hair and a nice smile. Her voice was pleasant when she spoke.
“Good morning Cindy, I’m Dr. Montgomery, but you can call me Anne.”
“Good morning, Anne.”
“Do you know why you’re here today?”
“No.”
“I’ve been asked to talk to you about how your life has been going since you became a girl. Would that be okay with you?”
“Yes.”
“I’m sure you’re wondering how I know you were once a boy. I work with the FBI and the witness protection group and especially children to be sure they’re adapting to their new identities. Yours is the first that I’ve had that included a change of sex so we’ll be doing this together and hopefully you will help me as much as I want to help you.”
“I hope so too.”
“Let’s get started. You’ve been a girl now for what, four years now?”
“I think that’s about right.”
“When this all started, why did you decide to be the one to become the girl?”
“Some one had to, so I volunteered.”
“But why you? Did you want to become a girl?”
“No.”
“Then why?”
“Because I knew Ted wouldn’t do it.”
“Why wouldn’t he?”
“Because we’re different. Sure we’re identical twins but we’re not exactly the same. When I was Marcus I would do things without thinking about what the result might be. Jump in and take the consequences. Ted, well…, he was Grady then, was different. He thought things through and sometimes couldn’t make a decision and I knew that’s the way it would be when we were asked to choose who would be a girl. Grady would still be thinking about what to do.”
“So you did this to be a hero?”
“No, I did it because someone had to and I was strong enough to do it.”
“And how do you feel about your decision?”
“I don’t mind. I kind of think of myself as a girl now.”
“Do you like being a girl?”
“Yes, very much.”
“Why’s that?”
“I don’t know, maybe it’s not having to prove something all the time.”
“Prove something?”
“Yes. I remember when I was Marcus, I was always trying to prove I was better than Grady. I’m sorry, but it’s easier for me to call Ted, Grady, when we were living in New Jersey and Ted since I became Cindy. At the time I thought we were just goofing around, but one of us always had to win. I was faster or he was faster, I could hit the ball better than him or he would hit better than me. Now I don’t really care. Some days I hit a baseball better than Ted but it doesn’t matter to me. I love the game and not so much showing him up. I still tease him though if I do better,” I giggled.
“I’m surprised because you’re still twins only you’ve begun to travel a different road.”
“I still feel pretty much the same as when I was a boy, it’s just that I feel different at times. Grady and I still wrestle but I don’t seem to like it as much as I once did. I didn’t think things would change when we started this, but now I like wearing dresses and being a girl at times. My best friend Shannon says I’m too girly at times, but I like being that way. When I dress for church I feel pretty, I feel special. It’s different for boys. They wear a suit, but would rather be wearing jeans and a T-shirt. They still mess around, pushing and shoving each other running here and there not caring if they get dirty. When I’m dressed for church I’m usually wearing white hose and white shoes and a dress with lacy fringe around the top and bottom. I hate it when Grady touches me because I don’t want his finger prints on my clothes.”
“Maybe you would have been the same even if you didn’t become a girl.”
“No way. I would have been worse than Ted. I would have been dirtier and would have pushed harder. That’s the way I was.”
“What made you change?”
“I’m not sure? I know being a girl had something to do with it. For some reason, I didn’t feel I had to prove something. Shannon opened my eyes to that. I remember when we first started playing soccer together, even though I was supposed to be a girl, I played like a boy. I wanted to kick the ball harder and farther than her and, try as I may, I couldn’t do it. She could see the look in my eyes, the pissed off little boy look. She asked what my problem was and I admitted to wanting to beat her. Why she had asked? That’s the way it was with Ted and me, I said. She took my hands and said, “girls don’t act that way”. We help each other. Do you know why I kicked the ball farther than you? I told her I didn’t. Because you’re doing it all wrong and she proceeded to show me the right way to kick the ball. After that moment, I listened to what people told me and didn’t worry about being better than them. I liked the way I felt and made me wonder if maybe I wanted to be a girl for other reasons than hiding from the mob.”
“Other reasons?”
“Yes. When this started, I was trained to act like a girl and succeeded, even fooling Shannon. It was all an act, but as I spent time with Shannon things changed. I liked being a girl, and as time progressed being a girl became second nature. I saw the way Ted and the other boys acted and I just couldn’t bring myself to be like them. Now I have two very close girlfriends, Shannon and Alexis. We do everything together and tell each other our closest secrets. They’re secrets only girls tell each other. I know Ted doesn’t say things I do. We’re still brothers, well, brother and sister and even we don’t have secrets like Shannon and Alexis and I do. To be honest with you, I’m glad I’m going to become a woman. I don’t think Ted knows what he’s missing, not that he’d want to know.”
“I must say Cindy, you seem very well adjusted to what you’re going through.”
“Truth?”
“Truth.”
“When this started, I thought I would hate it. Every day during training I would tell myself it was for the family. Mom, Dad, and Grady would die if I didn’t finish what I started. I hated the clothes and what they were doing with my hair and most of all I hated looking like a girl. It was after we moved and I met Shannon that I changed. We became best friends and I discovered she was more of a boy than I was. She was faster and stronger and yet she could be a girl and play with dolls. That’s when I started to be myself. I looked like a girl and as time went by I acted like a girl. Even though Shannon is a tomboy she still moved like a girl and I was soon moving just like her. If I was still a boy and moved the way I do now, I’m sure I would have the crap beaten out of me. Guys don’t like boys that act like girls.”
“I guess they don’t, or so I’ve heard. Let’s talk a little more about what you expect to happen from now on.”
“What I expect?”
“Yes, you have an implant that will make you become a woman if you don’t change your mind. You can still go back to being a boy at this point if that’s your wish.”
“I don’t want to. My girlfriends and I are excited about what we’re going to go through.”
“Do they know you’re a boy?”
“No.”
“Well, I’m sure they will never find out unless you tell them.”
“I’d never do that. I’m a girl already and I hope they never find out who I was.”
“You’ll be safe, Cindy. You’re going to be a very pretty woman which brings us to another problem.”
“What’s that?”
“Boys. How do you feel about boys?”
”Boys?”
“Yes, boys, you know those funny little things that seem to bother girls your age?”
“They don’t really bother me that much, but maybe because I was born a boy and I know how they are.”
“I notice you said how they are. What do you mean by that?”
“I’m a girl now but I remember how I felt when I was a boy. Girls were things to be teased, but now that I’m a girl, I don’t understand why boys do what they do.”
“What do they do?”
“Make fools of themselves.”
“I see. You know your feelings about boys will most likely change as you continue down the road you’re on. Boys aren’t going to seem so foolish, but only time will tell about that. Don’t be surprised if you come to see me and can’t stop talking about some boy that makes your stomach feel as though it’s full of butterflies.”
“Eeew, no way.”
Anne smiled a funny smile when I said that.
“I remember when I was your age and felt the same way. Boys were the creatures from the swamp and smelled just as bad. I think my girlfriends and I must have used the ‘eeew’ word as often as any other word in the dictionary. By the time I was fourteen, they were no longer swamp things but something else, and I’ll leave it at that. What I’m saying is that your hormones will do many wonderful things to you and not all of it will be noticeable. I think this will be enough for today, but I’d like to see you again next time you come in for your hormone replacement. You’re a lovely girl Cindy and I think you’ll do fine with what you’re going through.”
“Thank you Anne.”
I left the doctors office and went back to the waiting room to find my parents and go home. It had been a long several days and I could hardly wait to see Shannon and Alexis.
Chapter Nine
As soon as we entered the house, I brought my things to my room, put everything away and announced I was going over to Shannon’s.
“It’s almost dinner time, so don’t be too long,” Mom said.
“Yes Mom.”
I had changed into shorts and a sleeveless blouse and the warm summer air felt good against my skin. I was dying to find out everything that happened since I was gone. At that moment I realized just how much of a girl I had become. Boys would race to see their friends and play another game of ball not caring what happened to anyone else unless a boy was to get into a fight and all that mattered was who won. We girls were different. We had to know what each other did every second from the time we left until we returned. Who got new clothes and who was angry with whomever and such and such liked some boy now. It would take hours to learn everything I had missed in a few days.
Shannon hugged me when she opened the door.
“God girlfriend, I missed you,” she screamed.
“I missed you too. What did I miss? Tell me everything.”
And she did. Shannon showed me her new cell phone and called Alexis, placing the call on speaker so we could all tell each other everything we had done the previous days. We giggled and acted like typical eleven-year-old girls. The world was right again.
The next few weeks went by without incident. The hormones didn’t make me grow boobs overnight, nor did they make my ass bigger. To be perfectly honest, I didn’t feel any changes at all. However, after about a month, I did feel something, my legs hurt.
“Mom,” I said, several days after I noticed the pain. “My legs hurt.”
“Show me where?”
“Right here,” I answered pointing to my calves.
“Did you fall and bruise yourself?”
“No, they just kind of ache.”
“Both legs?”
“Yes.”
“It sounds to me like growing pains. Pain like that usually indicates you’re beginning to grow.”
“Has Ted begun to grow too?”
“He hasn’t said anything, but girls usually start to grow taller before boys do.”
“I’m going to be taller than Ted?”
“Until he begins to grow and then we’ll see.”
“God I so love this. I’ll be able to beat him up.” I laughed.
“None of that, young lady. There’ll be no beating anyone up, especially your brother.”
“Yes Mom.”
Over the next months we found Mom was right, they were growing pains. I grew like a weed, Mom’s words. I added to my height about an inch a month. I had started at four foot six and by the time school started I was four foot eight.
I still was playing baseball and seemed to get better as I grew. Shannon and I practiced soccer almost every day and my skills were improving to the extent that I was almost as good as Shannon. Oh, by the way, Shannon is starting to grow breasts. She first noticed when we were playing a friendly game of soccer and the ball was kicked into her chest. You’d have thought someone had shot her from the scream she let out.
“My God Cindy, my chest,” she moaned as tears filled her eyes.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“My nipple hurts.”
Shannon and I have been best friends for three years and she had never complained about pain when she was trapping the ball with her chest or any other part of her body. What could be different now?
I looked at her chest and noticed her nipples were pushing her shirt out more than usual, and not just the one that had been struck by the ball.
“Shannon, your chest looks swollen.”
“It’s not, my nipples are just pushing it out.”
“They never did that before.”
“They always do that when it’s cold.”
“Shannon, it’s ninety degrees. You’d better have your mother look at them,” I said.
Her mother did and the next day Shannon was the proud wearer of a brand new training bra. She could hardly wait to tell me she was growing breasts.
Well guess what? I didn’t start to grow breasts despite what I thought with the hormones and all. Yep, I was still growing like a weed and had Ted by four inches. He was not happy that his sister was now beginning to tower over him. I was still on the all-stars baseball team and we were going to play in the championship game in October. As much as I loved baseball, I would be glad to see the season end. Playing two sports at the same time, soccer and baseball was becoming too much for me. Luckily we only practiced soccer twice a week and Dad being the baseball coach cut me some slack as far as practice was concerned. By the way, I’m now the fastest runner on the team. I think all my growth has gone to my legs because I seem to be running faster than before. Poor Ted hates that I can easily beat him now when we race.
Good news, we won the championship games, two out of three. I pitched and hit a home run in one game and hit almost five hundred for the tournament. My growth spurt has made me a better player.
Soccer is also going well. Shannon and I are on the same team, but this year Alexis was drafted by another coach so the three of us are no longer playing together. AYSO is like that. At least we’ll be together when the select season starts. I forgot, Alexis is also wearing a bra, God I wonder how much longer it will be before I wear one too?
I think the hormones are affecting my brain. When school started, we had a new addition to our class, twins, identical boys from Minnesota. Unlike Ted and I they have blonde hair and blue eyes. Even though Ted and I are identical, we obviously can’t say anything, and beside who would believe us now. I’m four inches taller than Ted and all he does is whine that he hasn’t started growing.
Ted and his friends hang with Anders and Erik being boys and all and they seem to be nice enough, for boys. Who’d have thought something like that would come out of my mouth?
I’m still growing and it’s November. I go back to Stanford for a new implant next month and I’ll have to ask the doctor why I’m not growing breasts yet. Both Shannon and Alexis have graduated to real bras and it’s obvious why, they look like curvy girls and I still look like a beanpole.
Shannon’s growth seems to have slowed while mine is full steam ahead. Her mother is only five two so she probably won’t be much taller than that. My mom is only five one, but I have a feeling I’ll be passing her any day. I’m only about an inch shorter than her now, but still skinny.
Shannon and my soccer team haven’t lost a game yet. I play right wing and she plays striker in the middle. I’ve learned to use my left foot almost as well as my right so coach has mentioned that he might play me on the left for the rest of the season. I think I mentioned that Shannon was a faster runner than me and she was until lately. I don’t know if she’s slowing or I’m just running faster what with my long legs and all. It could be too that Shannon is not quite as fast now that she’s definitely getting some shape.
“Cindy, did you notice Darren staring at me today?” she asked, as we walked home from school.
“Yeah, I kind of did. It was pretty obvious,” I giggled.
“Why?”
“Come on Shannon, he likes you. You’re very pretty so why wouldn’t he notice?”
“I don’t know? It’s kind of creepy but I liked it.”
“I’m not sure how I would feel if a boy stared at me. Boys kind of creep me out. All they are is rude and dirty, yuk.”
“You must like someone?”
“Not really. Boys are boys and I live with one so I know how they can be.”
“Ted? He’s cute and all the girls have a crush on him, even me,” she blushed.
“Ted, Ewww.”
“Come on Cindy, I wouldn’t expect you to crush on Ted, after all he’s your brother, but even you have to admit he’s cute.”
“Shannon, I don’t think any boy is cute, especially my brother. I think you’d better have your eyes checked.”
We started laughing at that and realized why I love Shannon so much; we shared everything, even her crush on my brother.
“I don’t know if I should say anything because I promised not to, but Katie told me Anders, one of the twins, was asking about you.”
“Anders? Why would he ask about me?”
“Because you’re the prettiest girl in school.”
“No I’m not.”
“You are Cindy. I think you’re the only one not to know it. You’re so wrapped up in your sports that you haven’t looked in the mirror lately. You’re beautiful.”
“I’m not.”
“You are Cindy, you just don’t see it.”
We reached our homes and Shannon followed me into our house. It was our custom to go to each other’s homes after school and study, gossip and drink a soda or juice. Today was my turn and tomorrow would be hers. I personally liked going to her house better because her mother makes the most awesome chocolate chip cookies and I don’t gain an ounce of fat when I eat them.
“What do you want to drink?” I asked Shannon.
“I’ll have some of that apple juice your mom bought from the roadside fruit stand when we were on our way back from soccer.”
“That sounds good, I will too.”
I walked to the refrigerator and took out the gallon container of juice and poured two glasses full of the juice. It was the best apple juice I had ever had to drink. It was unfiltered and kind of cloudy but oh so sweet. I put the juice away and we continued our discussion.
“Was Anders really asking about me?” I asked, wondering why I would ask a question like that.
“He really was. I think he has a crush on you. Do you like him?”
I felt my face turn red as I blushed at the thought of some boy liking me.
“I don’t know. I really hadn’t thought about a boy liking me.”
”But do you like him? It’s funny but I’ve started feeling differently about boys. Were still only eleven and I’m sure my mother wouldn’t let me go to a movie with a boy, but, I don’t know, I just feel different.”
“I think I know what you mean, boys don’t seem so yucky anymore. They still do the same things and seem so immature at times but for some reason it doesn’t bother me as much as it did.”
“Oh well enough of the boys. We’d better do our homework or our grades might suffer. If I get so much as one B my parents will kill me,” Shannon laughed.
Chapter Ten
It was the middle of December and time to return to Stanford for another implant. The only thing I had noticed since my first implant was my growth. I was now a quarter of an inch over five foot. Mom was five one so I guess I’ll be passing her by in a month or two and Dad will be the only one taller than me. I wish I was growing somewhere else though. Half of the girls in my class were wearing bras now and I hadn’t even started to grow there. I hope the hormones weren’t going to make me tall and skinny with no shape. If that were the case, when I turn fourteen and they want to make me a complete girl, I might not do it. Who wants to be a girl that looks like a boy?
We were leaving Saturday morning for the Bay area as my appointment was for one PM and it only takes three hour to drive to the hospital. I packed a skirt and blouse for later and decided to wear a pair of white shorts for the trip to Stanford. I might add that as of late my clothes seemed to have gotten a little tight around my hips but looking in the mirror I still looked as boney as ever. I hadn’t worn the shorts I picked since before my hormone treatments started and although they were a little tight at that time I thought they would still fit. I pulled them up my legs and noticed they were difficult to slid over my hips. After they slid into place, I tried to button the top button. After a minute of grunting and hopping from one foot to the other I finally got the button fastened above my hipbone. The zipper was a different story. There was no way it would slide more than two inches closed.
“Mom,” I yelled out my door. “I need help.”
Mom entered my room and asked, “What’s wrong, honey?”
“I can’t zip up my shorts.”
Mom looked at me and snickered.
“My, my, it looks like you’re getting hips. Try laying on your back on the bed and see if that will work?”
I did as she asked and was barely able to close the zipper. I felt like I was being squeezed to death.
“Mom, my shorts will tear if I sit up,” I lamented. They also showed something a little girl shouldn’t have.
“Honey, change into your jeans. You’ve grown out of those shorts and we’ll have to go shopping for new clothes. You’re becoming a young woman.”
I changed out of my shorts and into my jeans. Even those were becoming increasingly tight. The change had been so gradual I hadn’t noticed it. I just wish I had some change on my chest, oh well.
My visit to the hospital was much easier this time. My appointment was at one in the afternoon and was brought right in to see my doctor.
“Hello Cindy, how are you feeling?” Dr. Livingston asked, when she entered the room.
“Umm, okay.”
“You look as though you’ve had a growth spurt. Why don’t you step on the scale and I’ll measure your height.”
I stepped on the scale and Dr. Livingston pulled the measuring pole up and extended the rod to touch my head.
“My you have grown, you’re almost five one. Have you been eating properly? You only weigh ninety two pounds.”
“I eat all the time.”
“I guess you’re going to be one of those girls who don’t gain a pound, you’re lucky. Let me take some measurements and then we’ll take some blood.”
The doctor measured me everywhere, my neck and chest, waist, hips, thighs, calves, and feet. Lastly she measured my arms. When she was done she brought over the dreaded needle to take blood samples.
“Relax for a few minutes and you can get dressed. I’m going to send these to the laboratory to make sure your hormones are balanced and then I’ll insert your implant. Do you have any questions for me?”
“Umm, well I was wondering, when will I grow breasts? My girlfriends are already wearing bras and I still don’t have anything on my chest.”
Dr. Livingston smiled; wow, I didn’t know she could do that.
“Cindy every girl goes through puberty differently. Some grow breasts first thing; I’m sure you have friends that look like they’re too young because of their height to have breasts. Those are usually the girls that won’t grow tall, some being less than five feet. In your case, you’ll be one of the tall girls. All your energy is going toward your height but don’t worry, when your growth slows you’ll start developing elsewhere. Puberty is a slow long-term process. Nothing happens overnight and I can’t tell you when you’ll start other development. Have you noticed that your hips are growing?”
“Yes, I had to change my clothes because my shorts were too tight.”
“That’s your pelvis growing. Girls and boys have different skeletons and yours is developing like a girl should. The reason your pelvis is growing is that your body is readying itself for childbirth.”
For some reason my eyes filled with tears when she said that.
“But I won’t be able to have babies,” I sniffed.
“No you won’t, but your body doesn’t know that. When the time comes, you’ll be able to adopt the perfect little baby you want. I’ll be right back.”
The doctor left the room and I dressed and waited for her return. The time alone gave me time to think about why I had almost started to cry. My girlfriends and I had talked about having babies when we got older; girls do that sort of thing. I knew I was still a boy, but even boys were able to have babies of their own even though it was the mother that carried the baby until it was born. I would never be able to do what the other girls did, carry a baby in my body. If I decide to become a complete girl I won’t even be able to be a father. Was that something I wanted? I had grown to love being a girl, but did I love it enough to want to become a woman?
This whole thing started as part of witness protection and I volunteered to look like a girl until the danger had passed. I thought it would be for a few years and I could return to being Marcus. How hard would it be to wear a dress every now and then? I said I would do it and I never go back on my word so I started to live as Cindy. I really don’t know what I was expecting but it wasn’t what I thought. At first I thought I would be a girl only part time, you know only when I was seen in public but was told that wouldn’t work. I had to be a girl all the time. Hey, I’m a tough guy and I can handle that, what could possibly happen?
Shannon, that’s what. She obviously thought I was a girl and was moving in across the street from her, which meant instant best friend. She was right and we bonded from the very first day. Shannon isn’t a girly girl, nor am I, which made being a girl much easier for me. Knowing nothing about being a girl other than what my handlers had taught me made me seem like I had been raised in a cave as far as Shannon was concerned. Why didn’t I have a special bear? Shannon gifted me one of hers and now I love my bear to pieces. It took a year of being around Shannon before I started to change. I no longer thought of myself as being a boy, but her best girlfriend. I knew I was still Marcus under my long hair and clothing; I was reminded every night when I went to bed and saw my boy parts. I didn’t hate them but they felt out of place for some reason. After the second year, I all but forgot I was ever a boy. I had assimilated into girlhood and as much as I hated to admit it, I no longer wanted to be a boy. There wasn’t anything I wasn’t able to do that a boy did. I played ball, I got dirty, and I cussed with the best of them, my brother included. One minute I was running faster than any of the boys and the next playing with Shannon and telling each other our most intimate secrets. I loved the softer side of being a girl.
I thought of Ted and how even after we spent time with his friends he would still strut like a rooster. He could never let down the wall of masculinity. I on the other hand would play just as rough as the boys and when the games were over I could just be myself. I could laugh and giggle with my friends, talk about school and trying for good grades and realize I could do it without feeling the need to impress. I was beginning to feel sorry for Ted to have to be a boy.
I wondered why then, that I had felt so sad when the doctor had mentioned that I was tricking my body into thinking it could give birth to children? I’m only eleven years old and we have already had sex education in school so I knew what took place as far as sex was concerned, but why did I feel so empty at the thought of never giving birth to my own child? As hard as I tried, I couldn’t keep a tear from running down my cheek.
Dr. Livingston returned and noticed the redness in my eyes.
“What’s wrong Cindy?” she asked.
“It’s nothing,” I answered.
“Pretty girls like you don’t cry for nothing.”
“I wasn’t crying.”
“Your eyes say something different. You can tell me what’s bothering you, or if you’d like you can tell your mental therapist.”
“I think I’ll talk to her.”
“I have your new implant. After analyzing your hormone levels, we tweaked them a little and I think you will be happy with what we did. It won’t be long before you are wearing a bra like your friends. Let me see your arm.”
The doctor pushed the large needle into my arm and inserted the implant. God it hurt, making my eyes fill with tears.
“There done. You’re a brave girl Cindy. Your appointment is right after you leave here so you might as well be on your way. I’ll see you next June.”
I joined my parents and brother in the waiting room.
“I’m supposed to see Anne Montgomery now,” I said.
“That’s what Dr. Livingston said when she returned with your implant. We’d better hurry so we can drive home tonight,” Dad said.
Dr. Montgomery’s office was in a building near where we were, so we walked to keep the appointment. Entering the office the receptionist greeted us with a smile.
“Cindy, it’s good to see you again,” she gushed. “Come right in.”
I wondered how she remembered my name but then knew she had a list of patients on her computer screen. She showed me to Dr. Montgomery’s office, led me in, left and closed the door. Less than a minute later Dr. Montgomery entered the room. She held my file in her hand.
“Hello Cindy, it’s nice to see you again,” she said.
“Hi Dr. Montgomery.”
“Remember, call me Anne.”
“I’m sorry Anne.”
“Honey, it’s okay. This shouldn’t take too long so we might as well get right to it. How have you been feeling? Any concerns?”
“Umm, I don’t know?”
“Surely there must be something. Dr. Livingston called and said you had been crying?”
“I guess.”
“Would you like to tell me why you were crying?”
“It was nothing, just some silly thoughts.”
“Cindy, nothing is silly to me. I have to know what’s going on with you in order to better understand what you’re going through. Now what made you cry?”
My eyes filled with tears again as I thought of how to express my feelings about not being able to have children and not sound like a fool.
“I was thinking about when I got older and whether what I’m doing is the right thing? If I become a woman, I won’t be able to have children.”
“And what makes you think that?”
“You know all about me and know I can’t have them.”
“But you can. Adoption is available to you so why couldn’t you adopt?”
“I could, but I think the thing that bothers me the most is that I’m tricking my body into thinking it can have a baby, but I can’t have one. If I go back to being a boy at least I could have a child.”
“Is that what you’re worried about, not being able to carry your own baby?”
“Yes, I think so.”
“Have you thought that if you were a man and had a baby you wouldn’t give birth either? Your wife would do the hard work. Basically all you would do is contribute the sperm and after the egg is fertilized you’ve done your part. Is it that important to you that your baby has your DNA?”
“No, it’s just that I feel as though I would be missing something. I don’t even know why I thought about it?”
“It could be the hormones you’re taking. I’m not sure how much Dr. Livingston explained to you about the effects of hormones, but they do more than change your body. They change your brain too. I think the reason you have thoughts like this is because the hormones awaken a need to have a baby. Girls or boys don’t just wake up one day and say I want to go to bed with a boy. Hormones do that to you because humans and other animals need to mate to reproduce. You’re becoming a young lady and it’s natural to want to have a baby inside of you, it’s part of becoming a woman. We both know you’ll never be able to carry a baby, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be a good mother. Many women who have babies aren’t good mothers and from what I know about you, you’ll be a good a good mother. You have feelings for others that speak for themselves. I can already see the soccer mom in you,” she laughed. “Other than these feelings, is there anything else?”
“Well, yes, I want breasts.”
“Cindy, every girl your age wants breasts. Don’t worry, you’ll get them, remember you’re only eleven years old and they can’t be that far away. You do know what breasts are for don’t you?”
“Yes, they’re to feed my baby.”
“That’s right; now if you were fourteen and had still not started breast growth then maybe we would have something to worry about. Do you have a boyfriend?”
“EEEww no.”
“Then you don’t like boys?”
“No, I kind of like them a little. A boy at school has asked about me.”
“Who’s that?”
“Anders. He’s one of the new twins at my school.”
“How do you feel about him?”
“I don’t know. I guess he’s kind of cute. I really haven’t talked to him. My brother Ted hangs out with both the twins. They play soccer but then so does almost every other kid in my school, especially the boys. Anders is pretty good.”
“So, you’ve been watching him?”
“I guess a little. It doesn’t matter, it’s not like my Mom would let me go on a date.”
“Really, do you want to go on a date?”
“No,” I blushed.
“Your mother is right, you’re too young to be dating. Now is there anything else?”
“I like who I’ve become.”
“So can I assume you still want to be a girl?”
“More than anything.”
“I know it’s a little late, but if you could become a boy again would you, even after tricking your body?”
“Heavens no. I was being selfish and having a pity party for myself and you’re right about adopting a baby. I’d have my choice of babies.”
“See, I knew you’d feel this way after thinking of a man’s role in childbirth. That’s all for today. You seem to be a very well-adjusted young woman Cindy. I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks Anne, see you next time.”
I returned to my parents and we walked to the car and the long drive home.
Chapter Eleven
The next few weeks passed quickly and Christmas was upon us. Ted and I could hardly wait for Christmas morning to open our gifts. The nearer Christmas came, the closer he and I became.
“What do you think Mom and Dad will get us this year?” I asked.
“I’ve left enough hints for a Gameboy that if I don’t get one I’ll probably shoot myself,” he laughed.
“I’d rather have clothes.”
“Clothes? Now I know you really are a girl. Give me toys and games, I can get clothes anytime.”
“I need them I’ve grown out of most of what I have and being a girl is a lot different than being a boy. All you need is a couple of pairs of jeans and clean T-shirts and you’re set. Girls wouldn’t be caught dead wearing the same things over and over again, we co-ordinate.”
“What’s that?”
“Never mind, you wouldn’t understand. We like to look put together is all I’m saying.”
“I look put together.”
“Give me a break Ted. The only time anything matches on you is when we go to church or you wear your baseball uniform.”
“I don’t care, give me a game and I’ll let you waste your money on clothes.”
This is the way it went every day until Christmas. Christmas morning we did the usual, snuck to the tree and looked to see what Santa had brought during the night. Mom and Dad finally got out of bed and joined us so we could open presents. Ted got his game and one extra, an X box with games. His eye lit up when he opened the present containing the X box. I on the other hand received clothing, thank God. Mom and Dad are pretty good about spending the same amount on both of us and they didn’t disappoint. I must have gotten twenty new outfits with gift certificates for new shoes. I couldn’t wait to show Shannon.
Living across the street from each other meant we could spend time running back and forth to each other’s house and model what we each had gotten for Christmas. I think it was the best Christmas I had ever had.
The new year came and went as did the months of January, February, and March.
Baseball season started half way through March with practice, as the season was going to begin the first week of April. I had grown another three inches and was now taller than my Mom. Practice went well and I still was the best batter on the team.
There was also a new development with my body, as I said, I’m now five three and still growing but something else is happening. My nipples are itching like crazy and I swear my butt isn’t as boney as it was. My doctor had mentioned that my pelvis was growing to be able to have babies but my hips were still boney. My pelvis stuck out and I looked malnourished. Now those bones are disappearing and I do look better. I’ll have to ask Mom or Shannon what’s going on.
News flash, Alexis has a boyfriend, well at school anyway. Erik, one of the twins asked her to go steady and gave her his ring to wear around her neck. They look good together, well kind of, she’s taller than me and he’s an inch or two taller than my brother. Oh, one more thing, Ted has growing pains so I guess it won’t be long before he’s as tall as me.
It had been a week since the itching began and there seems to be no relief in sight. I figured I should say something to my mother.
“Mom, I’m having a problem,” I said one day as I walked into the kitchen to help with the dishes after dinner.
“What kind of problem could my sweet daughter possibly have?”
“My nipples are itching like crazy.”
She looked at me and smiled.
“It sounds as though your hormones are beginning to work. Your itching is the first indication that you’re finally growing breasts.”
“I am?” I squeaked.
“Yes baby, you are. It won’t be long before you’ll need a bra, young lady.”
“Cool.”
I’m still one of the best players on the baseball team but I don’t seem to be getting any faster. The other players, all boys, seem to be running faster and two have passed me, making me the fifth fastest runner on the team. I’ll just have to try harder. Another thing is happening too, my power is decreasing in relation to the other players. Ted and I were the best batters on the team and now he’s the best and I’m fourth best. I just don’t seem to have as much strength as I had before, or maybe the boys are getting stronger and I’m staying the same.
I talked to Shannon about it and asked her if she had any ideas about what I could do about my strength.
“Shannon, I’m worried. I seem to be losing my strength,” I said.
“Losing your strength?”
“Yes, I used to be stronger than the boys and now I’m only stronger than half of them. I’m worried that I won’t be able to play ball anymore.”
“You have been growing so maybe that’s the problem. Your muscles haven’t kept up with your growth.”
“What can I do? I love playing ball.”
“We can work out. It won’t hurt our soccer, that’s for sure.”
“When?”
“After school. We can start today.”
Shannon put together a workout routine, which involved mostly running. We didn’t have any weights so we did push-ups and pull-ups instead. Shannon’s mom had a few workout tapes and we used them also. The first week, we were so sore that we almost quit the whole thing but as we continued the pain diminished.
The workouts seemed to help on the field, as I wasn’t losing any more ground to the boys. I hoped my batting would improve, but it hasn’t, oh well.
Now the big news, I’m growing breasts. My nipples have been red and swollen as of late and I asked my mom about it and she smiled.
“It looks like it’s time for your fist bra,” she said, and hugged me.
“Finally,” I replied.
Mom and I went shopping for my first training bra. It was something every mother wanted to do with her daughter, buy her her first bra. It was an experience I would treasure for the rest of my life. I’m not going to go into everyday development. Anyone who has a daughter knows what we go through, the first bump that hurts like crazy, and the excitement of actual growth and having to buy a real bra. I loved every minute of it with the only question being how big will they be?
Ted and I have grown into a strained relationship. As I mentioned he’s started his growth spurt. I don’t know if he’s also starting puberty because we haven’t shared a bedroom since we were eight when I decided to become the girl in all of this. He has been growing, but I haven’t seen any pimples on his face to tell me he’s becoming a man.
We seem to be in each other’s face almost every day. God, he’s such a jerk. Ted has taken up swearing when our parents aren’t around and refers to me as bitch. Well actually he says I’m a bitch, which brings tears. He makes me so angry at times. If mom or dad heard him they would wash his mouth out with soap.
Ted’s grown a few inches, but being five three I tower over him. I thought I could best him when we got into a fight the other day and he grabbed my wrists and try as I may I couldn’t pull away from him. Up until several months ago it wouldn’t have been a problem, but now he’s stronger than me. I detected a triumphant gleam in his eyes as he held me fast.
“Stop, you’re hurting me,” I screamed. That only made him grip tighter.
“What are you two doing?” Mom yelled from the kitchen.
”Ted’s hurting me,” I responded.
“Ted, what are you doing to your sister?”
“I’m not hurting her, we’re just playing,” Ted said.
“He is too.”
“Ted, stop whatever you’re doing and both of you come in here.”
Ted let go of my wrists with a sneer and we walked into the kitchen.
“What’s going on with you two?” Mom asked, in a tone of voice that announced, “I’m not happy.”
“Ted was hurting me,” I whined.
“You started it,” he rebuked.
”Cause, you’re being a jerk.”
“Enough. Ted, you’re stronger than your sister and I don’t want you hurting her. Cindy, I know you think Ted is saying things you take personally, but it’s just your hormones making you think everything is about you. Unfortunately, you’ll be like this for quite a while but before you get angry at your brother walk away. I don’t want a repeat of this.”
“Sorry Mom,” Ted said.
“I’m sorry too, and I’m sorry Ted,” I said.
“Its okay, sis.”
That was the day I found out that my strength was not increasing as quickly as Ted’s. As Ted grew, so did his strength. I still had a height advantage but his muscles were developing much faster than mine. His puberty had started.
My breast development wasn’t what I thought it would be. My breasts were tiny cones, you could tell they were breasts, but very undeveloped. My hips on the other hand were doing just the opposite. I had to admit that I was more than pleased with the way my butt was rounding out.
Ted had several of his friends over one day and I walked from my room to the kitchen to get something to drink. They were laughing and talking like twelve year old boys do, crude and immature. Their conversation stopped as I walked down the hallway. The boys were Robbie, Mark, and Donovan, boys Ted had started hanging out with just recently. They were the bad boys, you know the kind, always in trouble and I didn’t like them.
“Damn, your sister has a fine ass,” I heard Donovan say.
I felt my face turning red as I blushed profusely. I had to admit to myself it made me feel good that at least part of me was attractive to boys. What I didn’t like was the sniggers and guffaws from the other boys, my brother included. I poured an orange juice and returned to my room.
Chapter Twelve
The school year had ended and I returned to Stanford for another implant. It only took four hours, including my mental exam. The doctors said they would be more thorough next visit and were pleased with my development into a woman.
This year, Ted and I started seventh grade. He was still hanging out with Robbie Mark and Donovan. He would spend time with the neighbor boys but for the most part he was turning into an asshole. Ted minded his business at home, but was like a different person at school.
When we were younger, before the murder incident Ted and I were inseparable. Everywhere he would go, I would too or vice versa. We were the two Musketeers. We had a brotherly rivalry but it was more to push each other to succeed rather than to out-do each other. Now things had changed. We were still identical twins but even that had changed, to be honest. I had become the girl I had pretended to be and Ted was becoming someone I didn’t know. We pretty much avoided each other but our parents seemed to try to avoid the deepening chasm between us. They were at a loss as to what they could do. I was a girl and he was a boy so they figured that was the problem. They hadn’t met his school chums and if they had they would have put their foot down and not allowed him to associate with the creeps.
Our next big blowout came two months after school had started. Alexis, Shannon, and I were joined at the hip but we still had time to gossip and hang with some of the other girls in our class. Even though we were best friends didn’t mean we were exclusive with our friendship. One of the girls in our class was Melisa Crowley. Melisa was one of those girls who started puberty just after her tenth birthday. She came from a family of big-breasted women and now at barely twelve her bras were a very solid C cup and she was still growing. None of the girls in our class had progressed beyond an A cup but two were ready to graduate up to the next size. Melisa isn’t a tall girl, barely touching five feet, but she’s very pretty. She’s also one of the sweetest girls in our class. She’s quiet and wouldn’t hurt a fly much less have a cross word for anyone. She tries to hide her breasts by slumping her shoulders hoping they don’t show too much, but all that does is garner attention to herself, which brings us back to Ted.
Ted and his merry band, well actually it’s Donovan’s band, since Ted was new to the group, had to prove his worth to remain as one of the members, approached Melisa at lunch. She had finished her lunch and stood to bring her tray to deposit it with the dishwasher. Ted approached her with the other three in tow.
“Melisa,” he said, causing her to turn to face him. “True or false,” he snickered, staring at her breasts. The rest of his gang broke into uncontained laughter.
Poor Melisa, her face turned red before she broke down into tears and ran from the room.
The bastards high fived each other and went out into the playground to find someone to bully. Their day wouldn’t be complete if they didn’t knock someone’s lunch to the ground.
I was never so ashamed of my brother than at that moment. I rose to go to him, but the bell rang signaling the end of lunch and the beginning of our next period.
I entered the classroom and found my desk. It was three over from Melisa’s. She sat with her head down, her eyes rimmed with red from crying. At that moment Ted entered the classroom with Robbie. Mark and Donovan were in eighth grade so they weren’t present. Ted looked at me and I gave him a look of hate he had never seen on my face before.
“What?” he mouthed.
I shifted my eyes toward Melisa and watched as he followed my gaze. All he did was smirk, the little bastard. God I hated my brother at that moment.
Class ended and I drifted toward Melisa.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
Her chin quivered telling me she wasn’t.
“Why did your brother do that to me?” she asked, as a tear rolled down her cheek.
“Because he’s an asshole,” I growled.
I gathered Melisa in my arms and held her while she sobbed. There was nothing I would be able to say that would take back the hurtful words Ted had said.
Our last subject was English, which our whole class shared. For some reason the school board thought seventh and eighth grades should change rooms like they do in high school to prepare us for when we actually went into the new school. There were two classes of seventh and eighth grade students so we had to change rooms. The class we were in was advanced English so some of the students left for remedial help, Robbie being one of them. Shannon, Alexis, and I were in all the advanced class, as was Ted. Without his friends backing him up now, his brashness seemed to dissipate.
Shannon walked on one side of Melisa and I walked on the other. We did everything we could to comfort her.
Finally her voice burst from her mouth, “I hate these, why can’t I be like everyone else?” she cried, pointing at her breasts, and dissolved into tears.
Shannon and I held her tight and comforted her until she stopped crying. Class was about to start and we would be late if we didn’t get to our desks. Melisa’s desk was next to mine so I was able to help her calm down, but it wasn’t easy. I would kill my brother when we got home; not really, but I he was in for the tongue lashing of his life.
School ended and Alexis, Shannon and I had soccer practice. There was only one soccer team this year. We noticed that as the girls grew older they seemed to lose interest in after-school sports as they discovered boys and makeup. We had discovered them too but we knew soccer and other interests would help us when we entered high school so we kept playing. After practice ended, Shannon’s father drove us home while Alexis rode home with her mother.
I walked through the front door and could hear Ted and his buddies laughing in his room. The laughter was like fingernails on a chalkboard and I felt my anger return with a vengeance. I was still in my soccer clothes, shorts, socks, shoes, and an old jersey from last year. I had grass stains on my knees and a smudge on my face but I didn’t care. Ted had to be put in his place.
I marched to Ted’s room and threw open the door. All the boys’ eyes focused on me when I entered the room. Mom was in the back yard and didn’t know I had arrived from practice so Ted knew he could say just about anything he wanted without my mother hearing.
“What the fuck are you doing in here?” he asked, to the snickering of his friends.
“Asking why you did what you did to Melisa? Do you have any idea of how cruel that was?”
“Hey, I had to know, true or false. There’s no way tits that big are real,” Ted laughed in concert with his disgusting friends.
“Well I hate burst your bubble but Melisa’s breasts are very real and what you said to her was just plain disgusting.”
“Well I hate to tell you this dear sister, but it’s none of your business and besides you certainly don’t have much to talk about,” he sneered, staring at my chest.
The slap came hard and fast. Ted’s head flew to the left with spit flying from his mouth while his friends looked on.
“Ouch,” he yelled.
“Don’t you ever say something like that to me again, Ted,” I screamed.
Ted looked back at me, tears filling his eyes. He couldn’t let his friends see him cry as he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.
Mom came rushing into the room, having heard the commotion all the way into the garden.
“What’s going on in here?” she asked before she saw the red handprint on Ted’s face.
“Cindy hit me,” he whined.
The other three boys shifted uneasily as they watched my mother begin shaking with anger.
“I think we’d better be going,” Donovan said.
“Yeah,” the other two replied in unison.
The boys lifted their worthless asses off the bed and filed from the bedroom without a word.
“My God Ted, let me see your face.”
Mom gently took his face in her hand and turned it back and forth looking at the mark I had created.
“Cindy, how could you do this to your brother?” she almost shouted.
“He deserved it Mother,” I spat, looking at Ted, making him squirm.
“What could he have done to justify slapping him like this?”
“He insulted me and he insulted one of my girlfriends, and his nasty little friends didn’t help the cause either.”
I told Mom what Ted had done at school and what he said to me when I confronted him about the hurt he had caused Melisa. I thought Mom would kill Ted after seeing her face turn to cold stone.
“How dare you say something like that, Ted? I thought your father and I raised you better than that? What do you have to say for yourself?”
“I was just fooling around. I didn’t mean anything by it,” he said in a whiney tone of voice.
“You didn’t mean anything? Do you know how hurtful your words were?”
“I was just kidding,” Ted groveled.
“You were kidding enough to have Melisa in tears,” I responded.
“What’s happening to you Ted? I’ve seen a big change in your behavior and would like to know why?”
“It’s his friends Mom. They’re creeps.”
“What do you mean by that young lady?”
“They’re the school bullies. All they do is cause trouble.”
“These are the boys you’re hanging out with?” Mom asked.
“They’re not creeps Mom. They’re fun.”
“Are they bullies?”
“No Mom, it’s not like that.”
“Then what is it like Ted?”
“Well, uhh, maybe we like bump into some kids, it’s mostly Donovan that does that.”
“What about you?”
“I don’t.”
“What’s your excuse for your behavior today?”
“We didn’t mean anything by it.”
“Whose idea was it to say such a cruel thing to that girl?”
“It was Donovan’s.”
“Why didn’t he say it instead of you?”
“Because he said I wasn’t doing enough to be in his club.”
“What club?”
“Just the four of us guys.”
“That’s not a club, Ted, that’s a clique and it sounds to me that this Donovan boy is nothing more than a bully. I don’t want you hanging around with him anymore.”
“But Mom…..”
“But nothing. I’ve seen the way you’ve been acting lately and I don’t like it. I thought it was because you’re starting puberty but it sounds more like it’s the influence this Donovan boy is having on you. Listen Ted, your father and I don’t want to tell you who you can and can’t play with, but in this case I don’t have a choice and after what I’ve seen today I think I’m right.”
“Now young lady, what Ted said to you was wrong, but that’s no excuse to hit him like you did. Look at the mark you left on his face. I don’t care what he said to you to make you do that.”
“I’m sorry Mom.”
“You should be apologizing to your brother, not me. I’m not the one who was slapped.”
The thought of telling my brother I was sorry turned my stomach. I waited for almost ten seconds before I issued the words I so despised.
“I’m sorry Ted,” I said softly.
“Ted?” Mom asked.
“I’m sorry too.”
“I don’t understand what’s going on with you two. You were so close and now you’re like strangers with each other. I can’t even begin to ask why?”
“It’s because Cindy’s different now. We were both boys but now she’s not. She’s a real girl Mom, not some guy trying to hide from a killer and I don’t know how to talk to her,” Ted said his eyes misting with tears.
“Well how do you think I feel? You never try to talk to me anymore. You ignore me at school and make fun of my friends. I still play baseball with you, but for some reason I’m not as good as I was before. You guys are improving and I’m staying the same. I was the best hitter on the team and now, I don’t know, it’s like I’m not as strong as I was. I love you Ted, but there are times you really hurt me, like today. I know I’m flat, do you think I like it? God, all my friends are growing at least a little and I’m not, or barely. All I’ve grown is up and not out. I’m a girl Ted and girls have feelings, just as you do. Maybe I’m more sensitive, I don’t know? It was everything I could do not to cry when you said what you did to me, but I wasn’t going to give you the satisfaction, that why I slapped you. I’m truly sorry for what I did to you and I hope you can forgive me?”
The misting in Ted’s eyes had turned to tears. My tough guy brother was crying. The worse thing though was I didn’t feel satisfied, I felt sick. I moved to my brother and took him in my arms and pulled him tight before the damn broke. I shook with the sobs, wondering how I could ever hate my brother, my identical twin?
Chapter Thirteen
Over the next month something wonderful happened. My breasts started growing, yea. Finally I could see something happening. Oh and I think my growth spurt has slowed down. I’m now five four and a half but the last inch and a half, have taken three months to take place. I was growing an inch a month until my last visit with the doctors. Hopefully this is an indication of my final height. I’d hate to grow to six foot two like my father and I’m sure Ted will be joining him at that height.
After the big blow out with Ted, he hasn’t been hanging with Donovan and his crew. Donovan gave him crap for being a pussy so Ted told him flat out if he wanted a black eye he’d better shut up. Donovan hasn’t bothered Ted since then.
Anders still seems interested in me and finally gathered the nerve to talk to me. He’s very shy. I’m still amazed at the difference between him and his brother. Alexis is still in love with Erik, well as much as a twelve-year-old girl can be. She’s not allowed to date so the only time they see each other is in school and then only in class and at lunch. They do hold hands and they make a very nice couple.
Anyway, back to Anders, like I said, he finally talked to me. With all the staring at me I was wondering if he was some kind of stalker?
We were at lunch one day sitting at our usual table. There was Shannon, Alexis, Erik, and Melisa, who joined us after the incident with Ted, Lori, and me. I was watching Anders from the corner of my eye; yes I have a crush on him and saw his friends nudging him in my direction. His face was bright red with embarrassment.
“Go on,” one of his friends, just loud enough for me to hear.
“I don’t want to,” Anders replied.
“Dude, how will she know that you like her if you don’t say anything?”
“But she’s so pretty, she won’t want to talk to me.”
Now the pretty remark really got my interest. Anders thought I was pretty. I looked at him and smiled.
“See, she likes you,” one of the boys said.
Anders looked down at his feet obviously embarrassed by the attention being paid to him. Being a twin to Erik, I wondered why he was this way? As I thought about it, I remembered when I was Marcus and thought of the differences between Grady and me. I was the outgoing twin whereas he was the introvert but not to the extent of Erik and Anders. If I didn’t do something he would never talk to me. I stood and walked to him, the obvious glee showing on his friend’s faces.
“Would you like to sit with us?” I asked, as he backed up a step.
“Uhh, uhh, do you want me to?”
“I wouldn’t have asked you if I didn’t.”
I was going to add that I thought he was cute but decided his friends would give him nothing but grief if I did.
“Come on,” I said, taking his hand and pulling him to our lunch table.
“Hey Bro,” Erik greeted his brother.
Anders nodded.
“Hi Anders,” the rest said.
Introductions weren’t need as we were all in the same class; they knew Anders and Anders knew them.
“Sit here,” I said, patting the bench next to me.
Anders sat uneasily next to me, his face burning red with embarrassment.
Looking at him I asked, “What’s wrong Anders, don’t you like me?” concern showing in my voice.
His head snapped around so he could look at me.
“No, I think you’re pretty,” he said, and then looked away.
I reached over and took his hand in mine.
“Anders, I just want to be your friend, and I like you a lot, but if you don’t want to be here than you can leave. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to.”
“I, I want to be here,” he stammered.
“Then what’s wrong?” I asked.
“I’ve never had a girlfriend before.”
“Well don’t worry, we don’t bite,” I giggled.
Things settled down after that. Anders became more social and after a few days we were holding hands everywhere we went.
I discovered he was a very good student, while his brother didn’t like to study, poor Alexis. As hard as she tried, Erik wouldn’t do more than needed to be done to pass with average grades. Anders on the other hand excelled in school. Shannon and I still studied together and asked Anders if he’d like to join us, but he lived across town near the Empire Mine so the distance was too great for that to happen.
Good news, my breasts are definitely growing. My training bras are growing tight and have become uncomfortable so Mom brought me to buy some new ones. They’re just double A but an improvement over my old ones. At least you can see that I’m a girl finally.
Chapter Fourteen
December came so it was back to Stanford again. Ted joined us for this trip, and moaned for two days before we left. We were warned that this appointment might take two days so we brought extra clothes.
It was the same old, same old at Stanford. Draw blood, insert the new implant and send me on to my shrink. Talking to Dr. Montgomery was kind of nice so I really didn’t mind seeing her. I was shown into her office and the nurse closed the door. Dr. Montgomery entered from a door on the opposite wall.
“Good morning Cindy, it’s nice to see you again,” she said with a smile.
“Good morning.” I replied.
“You’re looking well, how do you feel?”
“Fine.”
“I’m glad to hear that. So, what’s been happing since the last time we talked?”
“Umm, let’s see, I’m finally growing breasts,” I said excitedly, “And I kind of have a boyfriend.”
“Kind of have a boyfriend?”
“Well, yeah, the only time we see each other is at school.”
“I see. Now what’s this about growing breasts?”
“Well, I started on the hormones a year and a half ago and all I did was grow this way,” I said indicating my height. “All my girlfriends were starting to have breasts and nothing was happening to me. I thought maybe I should just be a boy instead of a girl.”
“So, do you still feel that way?”
“God, no. I don’t think I really meant anything by it, it was just a thought.”
“Are you sure it was only a thought? How would you feel if you were to become a boy again?”
“I wouldn’t want to.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. I watch my brother and think that I’m so glad I was the one to volunteer to become the girl. I thought I would change my mind after being a girl for a couple of years, but I was wrong. Maybe I should have been born a girl and I wouldn’t even have thoughts like the one I had.”
“What you did, changing sexes, would make anyone think they might have made a mistake. Why do you like being a girl now as opposed to being a boy?”
“I like the way I feel. I like being able to play baseball with the boys and yet share my most intimate thoughts with my girlfriend Shannon. I would have never done that when I was Marcus. I watch Ted and see him and his friends and know they would never tell each other how they felt about things as simple as a dress or a boy. Oh, I’m sure they talk about girls but only to mention how big their boobs are. We talk about how nice a boy is, and of course how cute they are, but it’s more than that. As a girl I feel special.”
“Have you thought about what’s going to happen in another year and a half?”
“What are you asking me?”
“In a year and a half you’re going to have surgery to make you complete, a real girl. You’re at the point now where there is no turning back and after surgery what’s removed can’t be put back.”
“I know they explained what they were going to do, but I really haven’t thought about it.”
“It’s a lot for a girl your age to think about, but it’s something you shouldn’t avoid. You know, you don’t have to go through with the surgery.”
“But I want to.”
“And why’s that?”
“Because I’m a girl and I want to look the way I feel. Now I feel like a girl, but I want to feel complete.”
“How do you feel now?”
“Like a girl, but like I’m pretending being one. It’s hard to explain. When I shower or take a bath I hate having my penis still there. When I’m with my friends I always worry someone will see what I’m trying so hard to hide. I’m a girl Anne, and I shouldn’t have that thing between my legs.”
“No you shouldn’t. Now tell me about your boyfriend?”
“Anders?”
“Is that his name?”
“Yes, he’s a twin like me.”
“He’s identical?”
“Yes. He and his brother moved to Jackson last year and he and they sort of hung out with Ted. His brother is Erik and he’s Alexis’ boyfriend.”
“Alexis, isn’t she one of your close friends?”
“Yes, she and Shannon are my best friends.”
“What do you and Anders do?”
“We eat lunch together at school and you know just hang together.”
“Have you kissed him?”
“No! All we’ve done is hold hands.”
Anne smiled at that.
“It sounds as though you’re becoming a normal girl, Cindy. Now let’s get to more serious things. Getting back to you wanting to be a girl now, are you sure? Let’s play a game and pretend you could be anyone you wanted to be. You could turn a switch on and you’d become that person. The only rules are that once you’re that person there would be no going back. I know you love baseball, who’s your favorite player?”
“Derek Jeter.”
“Okay, let’s say we have a magic bottle and you can ask the genie to turn you into Derek Jeter, would you do it?”
“I’m not sure? Could the genie turn me into Jennie Finch?”
“Who’s Jennie Finch?”
“She a pitcher on the USA Olympic softball team.”
“How did you find out about her?”
“Shannon told me about her. We were talking about high school and that I probably wouldn’t be able to play baseball when we went there and she told me about girl’s softball. We argued about hardball and softball. I said softball was a girl’s game and hardball was real baseball. She said I was a girl so why wouldn’t I play softball? I explained that I liked playing baseball because it was harder than softball and I had played baseball almost my whole life. When I said that, it was the first time Shannon was angry with me.”
“What happened?”
“She brought me into her house and turned on her computer. She went to a website about softball and showed me how wrong I had been. One time, some major league players tried to bat against a softball pitcher and none could get a hit. I read why and the story told of how the pitcher is closer to home plate and you had to hit sooner than the hitters were used to. After that I looked at softball differently. It might be for girls, but it was just as hard as baseball.”
“I see. So, if you had a choice, would you choose to be Derek Jeter or Jennie Finch?”
“I think Jennie Finch.”
“You have no desire to be Derek Jeter?”
“Yes, I do. I love the way he plays ball and if he was a girl then I’d probably want to be him, but I can’t.”
“So, you would like to be him if you had a choice?”
“But he’s not a girl, so I couldn’t be him.”
“Remember Cindy, this is make believe and you can be anyone you want in this game, so would you become a boy again to be Derek Jeter?”
“I don’t think so. If you had asked me this question three years ago, I would have jumped at the chance to be like him, but now, there’s no way I would give up being a girl to play baseball.”
“What made you change your mind?”
“I think it’s the closeness of my friends. When I first became a girl, I felt as though it was a choice I had to make to help keep our family safe. I think I was trying to be a hero like Superman or something. At first it was hard for me. I had to learn to be like a girl. It wasn’t like walk this way or move your hands that way, Shannon and I were pretty much tomboys and we were just like the boys. I think being with Shannon made becoming a girl easier. She wasn’t into dresses and dolls and girly things but liked to play just like the boys. Once in a while we would play with her Barbies but not very often. Her mother would laugh and say that she was more of a boy than half the boys in the neighborhood but yet no one would mistake her of being a boy. We played hard, but yet we made time to be girls and I think it helped me become one. When I first started this I thought it would be much more different. I thought I would be wearing dresses all the time and never play ball again. I was prepared to hate being a girl but as I pretended to be one I changed. I found that I liked being a girl; in fact I liked it more than being a boy. Oh, Ted and I had some out and out fights about me being a girl, but I knew he would never want to become like me. Now the only thing I regret is how slow it is growing my breasts,” I giggled.
“So it sounds as though you’ll be playing softball soon?”
“Yes, there’s a team for girls in Sutter Creek and I think maybe I’ll see if my parents will let me join.”
“Are you willing to give up baseball?”
“I’m not sure. The thing I’ve noticed though is that I used to be the best player on the team and now there are several boys who are better than me, my brother included.”
“How does that make you feel?”
“Kind of sad.”
“Why?”
“It’s like I’m losing a part of who I was. I’ve always played ball like I was still Marcus and still do, it’s just that my strength isn’t keeping up with the boys anymore. I still run faster than them, but my batting isn’t as strong as the boys.”
“Maybe that’s caused by the hormones you’re taking. Girls just don’t have the strength boys do when they go through puberty. That’s why they have men and women’s classes in the Olympics. It’s something we have to face that men are stronger and faster than women.”
“I wish I didn’t have to lose my strength.”
“You wouldn’t if you decide to become Marcus again.”
“I wouldn’t want to do that. Being a girl is much more important to me than being faster than everyone else. I love who I am.”
“I’m glad to hear that, Cindy. I’m through with you now, but I’d like to talk to your brother for a bit, so would you send him in?”
“I will and thank you Doctor.”
I returned to the waiting room and sent Ted in to see Dr. Montgomery.
Dr. Montgomery welcomed Ted with a smile and a handshake.
“Hello, Ted, I’m Dr. Montgomery and I’d like to talk to you about Cindy if I may?”
“Okay.”
“Cindy says you’re a very good baseball player?”
“I guess I’m okay,” he said, blushing with the compliment.
“What about Cindy is she a good player too?”
“I guess.”
“Is she as good as you?”
“She was, even better before she started, you know, like getting boobs and all,” he blushed at the mention of Cindy’s breasts.
“How do you feel about Cindy becoming a girl?”
“I don’t know, I don’t think about it.”
“And why’s that?”
“Because it makes me sad, and sometimes it makes me mad.”
“Why would it make you angry?”
“Because she gets all the attention.”
“Tell me what you mean by that?”
“Before, when we were Marcus and Grady, we did everything together. We played ball or messed around, but always together. After we moved and Marcus became Cindy, things changed. He found new friends like Shannon across the street and slowly became Cindy. Marcus was gone and Mom and Dad always paid more attention to her than me. It pissed me off. I hated that she volunteered to become the girl and I didn’t.”
“Would you have wanted to become a girl?”
“No way. I was glad when Marcus said he’d do it, but I didn’t know how much he would like it. I thought he would change his mind after a few years and I’d have my brother back, but that didn’t happen. Now she’s got a boyfriend and everything.”
“Does that bother you?”
“What Cindy having a boyfriend?”
“Yes.”
“Why would it, she’s a girl now and girls have boyfriends.”
“You mentioned that you’re also sad. Why is that?”
“I miss my brother. I miss playing baseball with him and lots of other things Cindy isn’t interested in doing anymore.”
“I know it must be hard on you losing a brother, but you did gain a very pretty sister.”
“I know, but we used to be identical twins and now were not,” Ted said, trying to keep the tears from spilling down his cheeks.
“You really do miss your brother don’t you?”
“More than anything.”
“Don’t you love your sister?”
“Of course I love her, but it’s not the same. We did everything together and now Cindy is like a different person.”
“I imagine she does seem that way. I’m sure the hard part for you is that she no longer shares the same interests as you do now.”
“That’s for sure. All she talks about is dresses and soccer and Shannon this and Shannon that, or Alexis just got to have makeup. I can’t talk to her anymore, it’s not the same.”
“I see your point Ted, but you have to understand that Cindy is a girl now and becoming a woman. As much as you wish she would share your interests she won’t, not anymore. What is exciting to her will be boring to you and vice versa. Boys your age still do crude things in her eyes whereas boys think what girls are doing is stupid. The thing is though, she’ll love you more and be more protective than if she was still a boy. Sisters are like that. One minute it seems as though she wants to kill you and the next rip the head off of anyone trying to do harm to you. I think you’ll grow to love your sister very much, just give it time.”
“I’ll try, it’s just that it feels like they love her more than me.”
“Why would you say something like that?”
“She always gets all the attention. It’s always how was your day honey? How was soccer? It just feels like they love Cindy more than me.”
“I’m sure that’s not true. Remember Cindy’s going through a very big change in her life. What she’s done is very noble and what she’s going to go through now will be the hardest part of her journey. Things are happening to her that won’t be able to be undone easily and after her fourteenth birthday she won’t be able to turn back. She will be Cindy forever. She loves you very much Ted and if she knew how you felt I’m sure she’d have second thoughts about what she’s doing. Much to her surprise, she loves being a girl, which makes it that much easier for your witness protection to continue. Remember, that’s what this is all about and Cindy liking who she’s become makes it that much easier. I know you have your concerns but what you’re doing by accepting Cindy for who she’s become is just as important as what she’s done. Your whole family is counting on you and Cindy to do your part, even if it is with a sister.”
“I guess you’re right. I didn’t look at it that way. I only saw the changes in Cindy and that I didn’t have a brother anymore. I guess I can love her as much as she loves me.”
Ted returned to the waiting room and gave me a small smile. I could tell he had been crying by the redness in his eyes.
“Sit next to me?” I asked.
He nodded and walked to the bench and lowered himself to the space between the lamp table and me.
“Are you alright?” I asked.
He turned toward me, smiled and pulled me into a hug.
“I love you sis.”
Holy smoke, I never saw that coming. Ted had pretty much been a jerk toward me the last year or so and now this turn around, wow, I owed the doctor big time.
“I love you too.”
Edited by Di Wonder
Twins Part 3 - The Finale
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awaiting to testify at the trial of a dangerous criminal, they soon find out that
this criminal's friends are desperate and have a long reach. An equally desperate
measure was undertaken to ensure that their family becomes untraceable.
one of Steve Wilson's two young boys had to become a girl!
All Rights Reserved.
Chapter Fifteen
Christmas and New Year came and went. Shannon, Alexis and I were on a select soccer team and our season went from just before Christmas until March. After that came tournaments almost every weekend. With practice and games, I barely had time to think about baseball. I had to make a decision as to whether I was going to play again this year. I would have to give up one sport or the other.
I remembered how my production had fallen off last season and decided to remain on the soccer team. It was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make, as Dad was one of the coaches on the baseball team. The three of us held a special bond as the season progressed and I would miss the time with Ted and my father. The only saving grace was that I was bonding with girls now as opposed to trying to be one of the boys.
My hormones were kicking in big time. I was finally developing the breasts I was so impatient for a year earlier. It was like the titty fairy was making up for lost time, as was the case with my girlfriends. We were becoming young women.
My growth had slowed to a crawl. I just reached five foot five and it had taken me at least six months to grow an inch. Maybe I would stop soon and just be a little taller than most of the other girls.
Big news, Anders kissed me. It wasn’t like a run off and smooch kind of kiss, but I found out later his friends all dared him to do it. Erik had kissed Alexis several times and Ander’s friends teased him until he said he would kiss me.
It happened at lunch on a Thursday. We were all sitting at a table in the cafeteria, Shannon, Alexis, Erik, Ted, and Anders. The conversation was the same as it had been every day we were in school; gossip. We had just finished eating and I knew something was up because one of the boy’s tables was watching us like a hawk. Every time Anders looked toward the other boys they would motion to him like get on with it. He would blush every time they did. Did I mention Anders is painfully shy?
“What are they doing?” I asked.
“Nothing.”
Right! Nothing was the standard answer boys gave when they had something planned so I went on my guard but it’s not like it did any good. The next thing I knew Anders had his lips plastered against mine. I jumped back not knowing what I should do, slap him or laugh. My face turned red with embarrassment before the giggles came. Anders turned as red as me before looking at his friends who gave him a thumbs up.
“What are you doing?” I asked breathlessly.
He couldn’t answer me. How was he going to tell me the reason for our first kiss was a dare? The thing that surprised me more than anything was that the kiss did nothing for me. We could have shaken hands and had the same effect.
“Anders, what are you doing?” Shannon screeched, at the same time I asked the same question.
His fair skin turned the darkest red I had ever seen when a person blushed.
“Uhh, uhh,” he stammered before continuing, “Roger and Lane said I wouldn’t do it.”
Now I was insulted.
“You mean you kissed me because those boys said you wouldn’t?”
“Umm, kind of.”
I felt my face turning the same color as Anders, but with rage.
“How dare you?” I screamed. “I don’t ever want to see you again,” I said and rushed to the girl’s room with Shannon in tow. I don’t know what Alexis said to Anders’ brother but she soon joined us with a scowl on her face.
“Can you believe Anders would do such a thing?” I asked.
“Maybe Roger, but not Anders. I thought he would be too shy to try something like that,” Shannon exclaimed.
“I asked Erik what that was all about and he said he’s trying to impress those other boys,” Alexis said.
“Well he could have done something else than what he did, ewww,” I groused.
“Didn’t you like it a little bit, I mean being kissed?” Shannon asked.
“Are you serious? It felt like his lips were all wet and I know he had some of his lunch still in his mouth.”
“Ewww,” both girls answered in unison.
“If he wanted to kiss me all he had to do was ask, but not in front of the whole class.”
“What are you going to do?” Alexis asked.
“Just ignore him. He’ll see that trying to be a big man was a mistake.”
We returned to the lunchroom and our table. Anders had made his way to the table with Roger and his group. They were still congratulating him on his show of masculinity. He looked at me with a sheepish smile on his mouth and I glared back letting him know that he had made a very serious mistake with me. Alexis sat next to Erik and they whispered for a bit before he left to see his brother. After Erik said something to Anders, he got a sick look on his face. I knew what was being said and Anders realized what a fool he had been. So much for my first kiss.
Winter soccer season ended with us in first place and we won almost every tournament we entered. The one loss was during a tourney in Gilroy. Samantha, one of our defenders came down with the flu and had to miss the trip. Carla, one of the new girls on the team, filled in for her. Carla tried her best but wasn’t as fast as Samantha and a team from Monterey was able to score three goals against two for us. It was our first loss of the year. Carla felt really bad for letting us down but we told her it was okay and that we would beat them next time. We also explained to her that it was the team’s fault and not hers. She felt better after that.
The play was West Side Story, which is a very difficult play for middle school. Grades seven and eight were allowed to audition. As expected the best parts went to the eighth graders. One surprise was that Melinda landed the part of Anita. After the terrible incident with Ted, I thought she wouldn’t even try out, but she did and surprised everyone with her singing ability. As practice progressed, you could see her growing out of her shell. I’m so happy for her. All of us girls landed parts, me as a Shark and Shannon as a Jet. We only had dancing parts but being in the play was just about the most fun thing I did. I almost forgot, Ted was also a Shark. I guess it’s because of our dark complexion.
It was decided the team was going take a break after the last tournament. We had been playing non-stop since August of the previous year. There were school activities coming soon like the annual school play. Several girls on the team wanted to try out for some of the parts, me included, so we put our cleats away for a while.
Since I wasn’t playing ball with Ted I joined the softball team in Sutter Creek. The team was composed of girls from the surrounding area that were under fourteen years old. I was two months from my thirteenth birthday, so I decided to try out for the team.
Tryouts were the second Saturday in March at Amador High School. I was the only twelve-year-old student there. I recognized Jennifer Barnes and Kathy Rundle from school but I rarely spoke to them as they were in the eighth grade and I was in the seventh. I was taller than half the team and my skills from baseball paid off big time. I wasn’t used to playing with a larger ball, which made fielding a bit more difficult, but it helped when I had to bat. I might have not kept up with the boys but I certainly shone with the girls. I was able to hit two home runs and made contact with almost everything pitched at me. Needless to say, I made the team with practice starting on the next Tuesday. Our games would run from April until June and would be played half at home and the rest on the road. The league consisted of teams from Sonora, Lodi, Elk Grove, two from Stockton, Oakdale and Placerville. We would play each team twice, once at home and once on the road. There would be twelve girls on the team if we could find that many. Unfortunately only eleven girls tried out so everyone made the team.
Our team was called the Lady Miners obviously from all the mining that went on in our area. Our team had traditionally been one of the weaker teams in the league, but coach seemed to like the team we had put together. Our practices were twice a week, Tuesday and Thursday and we were coming together as a team. I played shortstop because of my speed and ball handling abilities.
Our first game was with Sonora, another weak team. I was glad to start with a team we would be pretty much even with, if the previous years were any indicator. I was wrong about us. We won the game in a blow-out, twelve runs to one for them and that one was scored on the only error our team made. I had three hits and two walks. The coach had me hitting clean up because I was the strongest player on the team even though I was the youngest.
The season progressed and we started to make waves. Winning games from the weaker teams didn’t cause a stir, but when we beat a team from Stockton the word was out. Sutter Creek was a team to worry about, but until we beat another strong team we were still an anomaly.
Lodi was our next game. Lodi’s team was expected to win the league as they had three of the last five years. We won, three to two and the word was out. Sutter Creek was strong and it was no fluke.
We became very close as a team and Jennifer and Cathy even asked me to join them at lunch. I agreed but only if Shannon and Alexis could join to. They agreed and that’s how we started eating with the eighth graders. The older girls were fun and a bit raucous, the three of us younger girls certainly had our ears full especially with regard to boys. What a difference a year makes as we learned who already lost their virginity, three girls, and who was a tease. My ears turned red more than once.
Ted and I turned thirteen during April. We were teenagers, yay. Ted was growing like a weed. He was five one and showed no signs of slowing down. He was the strongest player on his baseball team and I was very proud of him. I thought of the wonderful time we had shared playing ball and I missed being on the same team as my brother.
Ted has been treating me much better than before our last visit to Stanford. I guess the session with the doctor helped him come to terms with me. I knew he had changed because when Anders kissed me I thought Ted would beat the you-know-what out of him. The only reason he didn’t was that his friends told him he would be suspended if he got into a fight, but he let Anders know if he ever did that to me again he was dead meat.
I’m not going to dwell on the softball season except to say we won the league and I won the most valuable player award from the league. My teammates were beside themselves as the awards were handed out. Each girl received a trophy and I got two, one for our team winning the league and the other for best player. The season ended a week before I had to return to Stanford.
Stanford was an easy visit this time. All that was done was a new implant and the usual measurement of my body.
I spent an hour with Dr. Montgomery and she was pleased that I was becoming more at ease with myself. I had truly become a young woman and she reminded me that next year at this time the final operation was to take place and to think very seriously about it because once it was done there would be no turning back. As they say, the sale is final. I giggled at that, as I had no doubt as to what I wanted done.
Chapter Sixteen
Summer vacation was the best ever this year. Softball and baseball seasons were finished so Ted and I had the summer off until August when soccer and select baseball began which meant we could spend as much time with our friends as we wanted as long as our chores were finished at home. Shannon and I spent a lot of time swimming while Ted spent his time with his friends. Thank God he no longer associated with Donovan and his creepy friends.
Spending time at the pool had become a different experience for me. As I mentioned, my body was finally filling out. There was no longer any doubt that I had a figure even though it was an athletic one. My bust measured thirty- three, my waist twenty-four and my hips thirty-two. I was ready to graduate to a B cup bra in another month. I only wore a one-piece bathing suit because of my boy parts, but I still seemed to garner more than my share of attention from boys.
“Shannon, did you see that boy looking at me?” I asked when one boy so obviously stared at me that I felt as though I was being undressed.
“How could I miss it? What a pig!”
“Why do they stare like that?”
Being girls who were just going into the eighth grade and, to be perfectly honest, very self conscious about our developing bodies, our new gained attention from boys was more than a little disconcerting. As a young woman, I was still learning the fine art of being female and even though my journey started five years ago, I was still learning. Much to my surprise so was Shannon; only she was learning how to cope with the new attention she and I were on the receiving end of boys entering puberty.
Boys our age were still at the between stage where they would just as soon play with toys as look at a girl. The boys paying attention to us were well into their puberty, boys in high school. If I didn’t admit to being flattered by the attention from these boys, I’d be lying. What they did with their actions was to confirm what everyone had told me since I reluctantly became a girl to help our family hide from the Russian Mafia. The biggest surprise was discovering that I like being a girl even more than the boy I had left behind. Boys had been the farthest thing from my mind, but as my puberty took hold, my feelings changed. I no longer viewed boys as being some dirty bit of humanity put on earth to make my life miserable, but as funny and cute. What a difference a year makes.
Needless to say, my mother didn’t overlook my sudden interest in boys. Much to my concern she wanted to have a conversation about it. I was in my room selecting what I would wear after our trip to the pool. Mom called to me from the kitchen.
“Cindy, may I have a word with you?”
Ah, the magic phrase, may I have a word.
“Yes Mom, I’ll be right there.”
I walked to the kitchen wearing just my bathing suit and a pair of flip-flops. My mother looked at me with an appraising eye and a look of concern.
“Honey, you look very nice,” she said, trepidation oozing from her mouth.
“Thanks Mom, but you didn’t have to call me in here to tell me that.”
“I know sweetheart and that’s not why I called you. I’ve noticed your recent interest in boys when you go to the pool and I’m a bit concerned. You’re a young woman with no experience whatsoever with boys and I’m afraid you’re going to get hurt.”
”But I’m not doing anything, Mom.”
My mother rolled her eyes at that.
“I’m not saying you are, Cindy. What I’m saying is that you’re a very pretty girl and when I’ve driven past the pool, I’ve seen more than a few boys talking to you and Shannon. If I’m not wrong you two weren’t trying to chase them away either.”
“We were just talking.”
“Talking to you is flirting to them and I could see they were several years older than you.”
“They’re in high school.”
“That’s what I thought. Cindy, boys that age have a lot more experience with girls than you have with boys. It would be very easy for you to get carried away trying to impress an older boy, but if you did, you could really be hurt.”
“Why, we’re just having a little fun?”
“Because you’re still a boy and no one around here knows you are. Depending on the decision you make this year, next year won’t be a problem. You will either become a woman or you can become Marcus again.”
“I don’t want to be Marcus again, this is who I am. I love being a girl Mom and I wish I could have the operation today.”
“I’m sure you feel that way now, but you still can change your mind.”
“I won’t change my mind. I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.”
“You feel that way now, but something might happen to change your mind, a boy or girl, some incident at school, even wanting to play baseball again. Next year will be the most important in your life.”
“I know Mom and I’m sure I won’t change my mind. I’m Cindy now. If you had asked me the same question four years ago, I’m sure I would have loved to become Marcus again, but now with my friends and the way I’m becoming a woman, there’s no way I’d want to go back.”
Mom smiled before she said, “That doesn’t change the fact that you’re attracting boys and all I’m asking is that you be careful, and I would have been having this same conversation if you had been born a girl.”
“Yes, Mom.”
After the conversation I became much more wary during the time I spent at the pool. I had to share my mother’s talk with Shannon, not mentioning my real sex to her.
“My mother talked to me about watching out for the boys when we swim,” I said.
“Oh God, not the ‘you’re too young and they’re older and more experienced and you don’t know what you’re doing’ talk?” she asked, giggling lightly.
“How did you know?”
“I got the same talk the first week we went to the pool. Sometimes parents are so stupid. Things are different for us and I’m sure boys were different when they were our age. God my mother’s thirty-three already.”
“I know, I don’t think my mother has a clue what high school boys are like. Oh well, I guess we just have to be careful.”
As our time at the pool continued, Shannon and I fell predictably under the spell of boys, hormones, and feeling popular. I could hardly believe the ease that a boy could gain enough trust to steal a kiss from us. These kisses certainly felt different than the rushed mashing of lips Anders had succumbed to, to prove a point to his friends. The most disturbing thing about the kisses was the feelings of turmoil they cause inside of me. There were little things too that did things I didn’t know were possible; an inadvertent brushing against my breast or a breath of air against my ear, tiny things that made my blood boil. As the summer progressed, I finally knew what my mother had said to me, be careful because you have no idea of what you’re getting yourself into.
Luckily, the only place Shannon and I had interaction with boys was at the pool. I’m sure if we had been somewhere more private much more than kisses and an occasional wandering hand would have taken place. As it was, just the interaction with the boys brought us to a place I wouldn’t have even thought of; shaving. Yep, Shannon and I took the big plunge and started shaving our underarms and legs. We knew it would happen at some point in our lives, but more than anything it was to impress the boys. What bigger draw than pretty legs on girls who were still inadequate in the chest department? Oh we had breasts, but not the ones that drew attention like the fourteen and fifteen year old girls had. We used what we had and it was enough to draw attention. Our mothers said we were too young to wear makeup, like that was going to stop us. Somehow Shannon was able to buy some mascara and I bought a soft pencil to line our eyes and draw our eyebrows a little for definition. We weren’t good, but it seemed to work on the boys. I’m not saying we were boy crazy, but I guess we were, but as I said, all we did was hang out at the pool and if we attracted boys, then so much the better. My mother finally asked the inevitable question, after a day at the pool.
“Have you been wearing makeup?” she asked, realizing that Shannon and I had botched the removal of same.
My face turned red as I tried to form a lie as to why my eye lashes would be darker than normal.
“Oh, we ran into a girl from our class whose mother allows her to wear makeup and she wanted to see what we looked like with a little mascara. I didn’t think you would mind?” I answered softly.
“Cindy, I said no makeup. You’re too young and too pretty and all you’ll do is draw boys who have nothing good in their mind when it comes to young girls. Maybe when you start school I’ll allow a little lip gloss and a touch of mascara, but until then I want you to behave.”
“Yes Mother.”
Our pool activities lasted for a little over a month but ended when soccer season started. August first is the first day practice is allowed in AYSO soccer and when that day came Shannon’s father started practice. His love was soccer as he had played in college and was on scholarship so after he graduated he continued to play. He still played in an adult league while coaching us. Needless to say, when we didn’t have team practice, Shannon and I had drills in her backyard to improve our skills. She and I were the two best players in the league while Alexis was almost at our skill level. Luckily we only had enough players to make one team or Shannon and I would have been on separate teams. As the years progressed, more and more girls dropped out of sports and found other interests. Liz, one of our best defenders, quit because she became interested in dancing ballet as did several other girls on other teams. Some just decided they were playing to please their parents and said no, they wouldn’t play anymore. The thing I liked best about our team was that all the girls wanted to be on it and play soccer.
Our season went as expected and we won the league. The teams were from all over, with three being from Stockton, two from Lodi and the rest from various towns in the area. Our hardest competition was from Stockton and we won by one goal.
Shannon and I found our grades were very good. Alexis started helping us with our weakest subjects and it helped. Alexis is the brains of our group and maintained a straight A average. Shannon and I would get an occasional B. My brother though was a disappointment as far as school was concerned. I think his mind was somewhere else as he had more than his share of C’s. Shannon was still the soccer player and I was the all-around athlete and because of that, I tried out again for a girl’s basketball team at the local Catholic Church.
I had shot baskets with the boys in the neighborhood as had Shannon. I wasn’t very good, but we didn’t really do it very often. Luckily, when I tried out for the team they didn’t care what my skill level was but accepted me with open arms. Apparently not many girls were playing basketball in our area and I would have made the team if I could barely walk. The team ended up with seven girls so if one or two didn’t show up we had no substitutes. I won’t bore you with a running description of the games, but I ended up as a defender because of my speed and my poor shooting ability. The best part of being on the team was that I made new friends from Sutter Creek as four girls were from there. Christy, Rachel, Sherri, and Monica had been friends since they started school in kindergarten and naturally ended up on the same team together. I was welcomed as if I had been their friend for my whole life. The tallest girl on the team was Monica, being five foot-seven and I was next at five-five. As with girls at my school, the conversation started with basketball and ended up with boys.
“Did you see that boy watching from the visitor’s side of the court?” Christy asked.
Christy was the pretty one of the group, having long blonde hair, big blue eyes and a figure to die for. She drew attention wherever we went.
“You mean the one with dark hair and the black T shirt?” Sherri responded.
“Yes, he’s the one. God he was so cute, I could hardly concentrate on the game,” Christy giggled.
“He couldn’t stop staring at Cindy,” Monica said.
“Me, you’re not serious?” I blushed.
“Serious,” Monica answered in a clipped tone.
“Why me?”
“Because you’re the prettiest girl on the team.”
“Christy is,” I said.
“Are you serious? Every game we go to, all the boys watch you, even if you aren’t on the court. You might not know it Cindy, but you’re seriously good looking.”
“Thanks,” I said not knowing what else to say.
“Speaking of good looking, could you introduce me to your brother someday?” Christy giggled.
“My brother, eww, you can’t be serious?”
“He’s as cute as you are pretty. I’m sure you’ve noticed?”
“How would I notice, he’s my brother. I barely talk to him.”
“I don’t mind if you talk to him as long as he would want to talk to me?”
“I’ll ask him, but eww,” I said, as we all giggled.
The basketball season started in November as soon as soccer ended. I had to miss one game because of my implant replacement. My appointment was always two weeks before Christmas and was the FBI’s gift to me; thank you FBI.
As usual I was measured and had my blood sucked from my body and then the implant was placed in my arm.
I had grown a little, a very little but I was now five foot-five and one quarter. I was definitely slowing in the height department. My biggest surprise was that I was now officially a B size cup and my hips had grown an inch. Remarkably, my waist had shrunk a half of an inch. I guess all the sports had paid off.
I went to see Dr. Montgomery for the last time before my surgery. She had asked me to think about what was going to happen in June, but what with summer and my sports I really hadn’t give the operation much thought.
“Good morning Cindy, my, don’t you look pretty,” she said.
“Thank you.”
“I just realized this will be our last meeting until after your surgery in June. Have there been any issues you would like to talk about?”
“No, not really.”
“The last time you were here you mentioned that you had a boyfriend?”
“I don’t anymore.”
“And why’s that?”
“He kissed me.”
“He kissed you? I would think that would be something to be happy about?”
“He only did it to show off to his friends. I didn’t like that, so I told him I didn’t want to be his girlfriend anymore.”
“I see. What about other boys, are you attracted to them?”
I couldn’t help blushing as I answered, “Yes, kind of.”
“Kind of?”
“Well Shannon and I spent lots of time at the pool this summer and a lot of older boys paid attention to us and even kissed us.”
“How did you feel about that?”
“I liked it a lot.”
“Was it different than your old boyfriend’s kiss?”
“Very different. I was shaking after one boy’s kiss.”
“I see.”
“How are you and your brother getting on?”
“We’re fine. We still have our moments, but so do every other sister and brother I know.”
“Has he finally accepted who you’ve become?”
“I think so. He doesn’t say hurtful things anymore.”
“I’m glad. Now, have you given anymore thought to your operation?”
“No.”
“And why’s that?”
“I don’t know.”
“It could be that you’re avoiding what you’re going to do in June.”
“I don’t think it’s that. I’ve just been so busy that I haven’t had a chance to think about it.”
“Well we might as well discuss it now so you will have a chance to think more about it between now and next June. Are you even aware of what’s going to take place?”
“Of course I know, I’m going to become a real girl.”
“Cindy, there’s more to it than that. Yes you’ll become a girl, but has anyone taken the time to explain what will be done?”
“Not really.”
“I didn’t think so. Looking at you I can see your body is ready to become a woman, but I wonder if you’re mentally ready for such a journey. Let me ask you a very important question, do you want to have children?”
Have children? I’m a child myself, why would I even think of having children?
“I don’t know, I haven’t even thought about it.”
“Cindy you do realize you’ll never be able to have children of your own unless you adopt. To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure you could even father a child now after the hormone treatments you’ve had administered to you. We could stop your hormone treatments now and let you return to being the boy you once were, well almost. You would have to have surgery to remove your breasts and you probably won’t grow as tall as your brother, but you could be a boy again, the Marcus you left behind when this decision was made for you.”
“I made the decision to become Cindy, no one made me do this,” I exclaimed, raising my hands up and down my body as reference.
I had loved talking to Dr. Montgomery when I came here, but now I was seeing a whole different person as our conversation continued.
“Are you certain no one tried to influence you, your mother of father, just a little?”
“No, I volunteered to become the girl. I’m sure Ted would have done the same, it’s just that he could never make a decision, and we’d still be boys if I didn’t say something first.”
“Why did you say you would do it before he did?”
Why did I volunteer first? At the time, Grady could have just as well said something before I did. It wasn’t as though I said something a half of a second after the idea was put forth. I remember a long pause before I said anything. Why, I wondered, and why did I love becoming a girl? There had to be something else I was missing, and why had I embraced this whole lie with open arms?
“I don’t know, it just seemed the right thing to do.”
“The right thing to do at the time is one thing, but becoming a girl is something else again. Why didn’t you become a boy again after you moved to Jackson? You could have very easily changed your clothes, cut your hair and be done with it, but you didn’t, why?”
“Because I had become Cindy and I loved who I was. Is that so wrong?”
“No honey, that’s not wrong, but you could have become a man like your brother is going to do. Won’t you miss that?”
“No. It would be like asking Ted if he missed growing breasts and flirting with boys. This is all I’ve ever known. I barely remember being Marcus. I know I was that boy once, but he’s only a memory and one I don’t want to become again.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because I’m a girl. I think I have always been one but just didn’t realize it. Even though Ted and I are twins I just know we are different enough to be brother and sister.”
“You’re identical twins, you know, from the same embryo.”
“They explained that in school but I know for sure Ted and I aren’t the same. It’s just small things, we have different eye shape, not ones anyone would notice, but I do. I remember seeing picture of a face split and then the left and right side were put together. The faces looked like two different people. I think it’s the same with Ted and me, we might be identical, but we aren’t, if that makes any sense.”
“I suppose it does.”
“My mom and I were talking a while back and she wondered why I had taken so easily to becoming a girl and mentioned that I might have had some girl genes none of us knew about and told me a story. When we were living in New Jersey, we went to visit my Uncle and his wife, they had two daughters, one three like Grady and me, and the other four. Mom said she and my aunt thought it would be a real cute joke if the boys were dressed as girls and the girls as boys. They would take a picture and then change us back again. The fathers grumbled a bit but since the boys would be girls and the girls boys, they relented. We were all about the same size so the girls just put on our clothes, but our mothers had a different idea about what we should wear. My cousins had been wearing jeans and girl’s T’s but weren’t overly feminine. They decided Grady and I should wear their Easter Sunday dresses instead. Their reasoning was why do this if they couldn’t do it the right way. Mom dressed me and then went to dress Grady. All Hell broke loose as she tried to put my cousin’s clothes on him. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him? I liked the way the clothes felt and I loved feeling like a girl, if just for a moment. ‘Grady, it’s fun’, I remember saying and that calmed him down but just enough for him to dress. The pictures were taken and we changed back into our clothes again. The thing I remembered most was the sorrow I felt when I had to remove the dress. I can still remember the swishing sound of the petticoats when I moved and sat. Seeing my legs covered with white tights and white Mary Janes on my feet seemed so right at the time, but being three years old the memories left me pretty quickly. Even when I became Cindy, I felt guilty liking the girl I was portraying. It wasn’t right for a boy to enjoy being a girl, least of all when all I had to do was look at my twin brother to see what kind of boy I was supposed to be.”
I had rambled on for what seemed like ages and the emotional memories brought tears to my eyes. Dr. Montgomery handed me a box of tissues to repair my face.
“You felt guilty even after you were asked to pretend to be a girl?” Dr. Montgomery asked, when I had composed myself enough to continue.
“I think I did, in fact I know I did. I volunteered to be the girl and when I discovered I liked being the girl, I felt guilty. I was a boy and I shouldn’t have liked dressing up like this, but I did. When we moved to Jackson there was no way for me to back out of what I was doing unless we moved to a different town. I met Shannon and everything I was doing just felt right. There was no guilt except for not being able to tell my best friend I really wasn’t a girl, but even that changed, as I became the person I was portraying. Cindy had become a real person and Marcus became a memory much like the girl in the dress five years before. Dr. Montgomery, I love who I am and even though I can’t give birth to children, I’m still a girl through and through.”
“Yes, I imagine you are,” she said, a wistful smile on her lips.
“Are we finished?” I asked as the pause lasted longer than it should.
“Maybe just a few more questions, Cindy. How did you feel when you were thrust into femininity after you moved to Jackson? I’m sure it must have been a shock to your mind?”
“Not really. Shannon and I bonded from the minute we met and I still had baseball.”
“Baseball?”
“Yes, baseball. When we were living back east, Ted and I played baseball whenever we could. We even played in the back yard and broke more than one window. I still played when we moved, in fact I was a better player that Ted, but don’t tell him I told you so. I played until last year and only quit because I was the only girl on the team and I noticed I wasn’t gaining strength like the boys were. I mentioned it to my other doctor and she said it was my hormones and that girls didn’t have the strength of boys. I decided to play softball instead on a girl’s team and I’ve met new friends because of it. I play more sports now than Ted does. I’m on a select soccer team and played basketball for the first time just this year. I had to miss a game to be here.”
“So you like sports? Do you think it helped you to become a girl?”
“I think it did. I found girls could play sports as well as boys. It’s just when they got older there were problems. Playing baseball let me keep a part of Marcus in my life but that part became less important as I grew older. I think it was when I began taking hormones that holding on to Marcus was no longer important to me. I became much more aware of Cindy and who I wanted to be when I grew older.”
“And what would that be?”
“It may seem silly, but I think I would like to be an FBI agent and help people like they helped me.”
“It’s not silly and I think you would be a very good agent if you carry through with that dream. You might change your mind by the time you graduate from college, but that’s a long way away. From what you’ve told me this afternoon I have no concerns as to whether or not you want to become a woman, Cindy. If you don’t change your mind between now and June, I’ll recommend the surgery for you. You’re going to be a lovely woman and it’s been a pleasure talking to you these last few years. I’m looking forward to seeing you in June.”
With that Dr. Montgomery stood and left the room. I think she had a tear in her eye, but I can’t be sure.
We played two more basketball games before Christmas and then started up again after the New Year. I was still one of the benchwarmers but my shooting had improved since I started on the team. Being the second tallest girl, I was able to play for about a quarter of the game, knowing if my shooting improved my time on the court would too. Shannon and I spent hours at the school while I practiced my ball handling skills and shooting eye. I reminded Shannon I did the same when I practiced soccer with her when she occasionally whined about being a ball girl for me. I talked her into shooting too with the hope she would join the team with me.
“I’m too short,” she would lament, returning the ball to me.
“But it’s fun. I’m almost the tallest girl on the team and I don’t play that much. You should try out next year.”
“This is the last year for girls our age. There’s no way I’d qualify for the girls team in high school.”
“You could try?”
“No I couldn’t. Basketball is the same time as soccer and there’s no way I’m going to miss being on the soccer team.”
“I didn’t know that. I guess this will be my only chance to play basketball then. There’s no way I’m going to pass on playing soccer with my best friend in the whole world,” I laughed.
“You’re a bitch,” she giggled.
I finished the season and played in one whole game as two girls were home with the flu. I even made two baskets but blocked three shots. I was pretty full of myself until I learned the team we beat was the weakest in the league. Oh well, so much for my WNBA contract.
Softball began right after basketball ended. We hadn’t played soccer since November so our coach decided to put together a select team to play the spring tournaments. I now had conflict in my life. I loved playing softball and I had grown to love soccer and playing on a team with my best friend. I needed someone to talk to.
“Mom, I have a problem?”
“What’s that sweetheart, too many boyfriends?” she laughed.
“Mom, I’m being serious. I can’t decide whether I should play softball or soccer this year? What do you think?”
“Which one would you rather play?”
“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking you.”
“I can’t tell you which one to choose, which would you rather play? You love baseball and softball is as close to baseball as it gets. Your best friend is on the soccer team and I’ve seen how well you play soccer. I think Shannon is the only player who’s better that you. You’ve gained new friends playing softball but you also have friends that are much closer on the soccer team. I know Shannon is your best friend but Alexis is also very close to you. Your softball friends are new friends but your soccer friends have been your friends since we moved here. I don’t think it’s a matter of which game to play, but more of which friends are more important to you.”
“I see what you’re saying. I love Shannon more than words can say and I wouldn’t feel right abandoning her and Alexis and the rest of the girls to play softball. I know the girls on the softball team will be upset, but I can’t let Shannon down. Thanks Mom.”
I wouldn’t play softball again until I entered high school.
Shannon’s dad was a taskmaster with the new team. All the girls were out of shape, even me. Basketball wasn’t soccer and our sore muscles let us know we had a lot of work to do. We would be playing in our first tournament in four weeks.
The first tournament was a blast. It was held in Sacramento, so we stayed overnight. Needless to say, fifteen girls in a hotel room at the same time was more than the other guests could bear. The manager shut us down at nine-thirty so we split forces and had a slumber party in two rooms. We had lost one of our games already from lack of playtime during the year and we knew the team we would play Sunday was the strongest in our flight hence we decided to make this a fun weekend instead of worrying about the games. Our decision cost us the game big time. We lost five to two with Shannon and I each scoring one goal.
Shannon’s father wasn’t pleased at our performance. Luckily he waited until our first practice to let us know just how disappointed he was with us.
“Girls, you really sucked last weekend. You weren’t passing the ball like you did last year and I could hardly believe what I was watching as the game continued. You’ve been working out for four weeks but you look as though all you did was sit and watch television. I tried to take it easy on you, but look what it got us, embarrassment. I won’t let this happen again so no more mister nice guy. Girls by next week I expect to see an improvement, now get off your butts and let me see you run, sixteen laps, now go,” Coach yelled.
All fifteen of us took off running. Our usual number of laps was ten, which pretty much wore us out, but now we had six more to do. I wondered how well I would do? I was the second best runner on the team behind Alexis and even I was winded after seven laps. We pushed on and finally completed the exercise with most of us almost falling across the finish line.
“Drink some water, but don’t overdo it or you’ll get sick,” Coach said.
Pamela, one of the defenders didn’t listen to what coach had said and was soon throwing up her lunch, yuk.
Next came ball-handling skills. We thought we were pretty good but coach threw in some twists that made most of us look silly, even Shannon. The next exercise was passing with accuracy. We all knew how to pass, but our layoff had made us lazy, which showed during our games. More than once we lost a breakaway because of a poorly placed ball. By the time practice ended our skills had improved dramatically.
Coach also added two more days of practice. Every other day would be for conditioning and the other two for skills. He was right; we were in the best shape we had ever been in.
Our next tournament was in Lodi so we didn’t stay overnight Even though the drive was an hour long we didn’t want a repeat of our party time during our games. We won, barely beating the other team in the finals two to one. Shannon made both goals with assists from me.
Our next big tournament was in Davis. Davis is the biggest tournament of the year and we felt we were ready for the challenge. The level of play in this tournament is like playing the final game of each regular tournament we had entered. Our conditioning had paid off as we won our first game by three goals. The next was much more difficult and we squeezed out a one to nothing victory. Sunday we had to win our first game by two or more goals to be in the final. We did, winning by three.
The final was against the team that had made us look so bad in the third game of our first tournament. Our team couldn’t help but notice the smug looks on the opposing girls’ faces. The game was one of those grinding marathons where no one scored. Regulation ended with the score tied at zero. An additional fifteen minutes was added to the end of the game and we scored a goal at the eleven-minute mark. We normally use two forwards, four mid-fielders and four defenders. Coach moved Alexis to the middle, which threw their defenders off. Shannon was playing right wing, I was on the left and Alexis was in the middle. Shannon crossed the ball to me, which drew the defender from the middle. I dribbled the ball toward the goal and at the last second passed the ball to Alexis who tapped it past the keeper into the net.
You would have thought we won the World Cup from the celebration our team engaged in. The referee almost carded Coach for having too many players on the field. The game ended with us in the lead. Our team had become a force that continued through the summer into the fall.
Chapter Seventeen
School was no big thing and I didn’t have a boyfriend after what had happened with Anders. Lots of boys asked me to go steady but I thought doing that would be really stupid since they couldn’t take me on a date, so why bother? I think the biggest thing to happen was graduation from middle school. It was a scaled down version of what a high school graduation should be. We had cap and gowns and walked into the auditorium and were seated in front of the stage. The principal and someone from the district offices made a speech, Alexis was given her award for best student, we were handed our diplomas and our school year was over.
Mom and Dad had a party for us and I was able to invite five friends, as was Ted. When I say five friends that included parents of those same friends. Dad grilled burgers and hot dogs and to be honest the party was a wonderful time, as none of the kids could get too crazy with their parents there.
The following week I made my final trip to Stanford. It was time for me to become a girl for keeps. I had thought about what was to be done to me and I couldn’t think of anything to change my mind. I guess Ted and I weren’t as identical as I thought because I think I may have wanted to be a girl for as long as I could remember but even those thoughts might have been wrong and just been wishful thinking because I had been living as a girl for so long. Six years doesn’t sound like much, but it was almost half of my life. If you consider that I have no memories of my first three years then those six are more than half my life. I can’t say for sure if my disguise had changed me or if I’ve always been a girl? The only thing I’m sure of is my desire to finish this journey.
My first visit was to Dr. Montgomery’s office.
“So, Cindy, tomorrow’s the big day?” she said.
“Yes, I can hardly wait?”
“No doubts as to whether you want to go through with it?”
“None. I’m a girl Dr., there’s no doubt in my mind at all and I need is to have my body match my brain.”
“I thought you would say this to me,” she said. “I knew after our last session you wouldn’t change your mind, so I won’t waste your time. I’ve already drafted a letter of approval for your surgery and I’ll send it to your primary doctor here at Stanford. You might as well have your parents take you to the surgery center and check in. Tomorrow will be a long day for you and good luck Miss Crane.”
Dr. Montgomery smiled as I stood and let myself out of the room. Mom and Dad were waiting to bring me to the surgery center which was located about a half of a mile from where we were.
Dad registered me at the check-in and left Mom and me to find our way to the third floor surgical center. Much like the first time I was here at Stanford Hospital, I was given a room and asked to remove my clothes and put on the dreaded gown so my tests would be easier to do. I was poked and prodded, measured from my head to my feet, jabbed with needles to draw blood and had an IV needle stuck in the back of my hand.
I learned that I had gained an inch on my hips and chest and lost another half of an inch on my waistline. The nurses teased me, saying if I wasn’t careful I’d have boys lining up around the block. I just rolled my eyes. I almost forgot, I grew another half of an inch and am now five foot five and three quarters. I think five six is plenty tall for a girl and I hope I don’t grow much taller.
After all was said and done, they put me in my bed and hooked a bag of solution to my IV. It had antibiotics to get rid of any bacteria I might have swimming in my system the nurse said. Time had passed quickly and it was already six PM. My high-end meal was served, mmm, mmm. Well done beef with a dark liquid they claimed to be gravy, mashed potatoes directly from the box, just add water and grey string beans right from the can. Dessert you ask, green Jell-O and apple juice to wash it down. I wasn’t hungry when I finished. My nurse said I wasn’t to eat anything else until after my surgery and no liquids after midnight. The only nice thing was having Mom and Dad staying with me. Because of my age, they were allowed to sleep in my room with me, which helped greatly to quell my nervousness. I tried to put on a brave front but there were more than a few times I wanted Mom to hold me. I guess I’m a baby after all.
My nurse came and woke me at six AM to prep me for surgery. I was tired having slept restlessly during the night. They drew blood one more time and rolled my bed to the prep room. My IV bag was changed to a saline solution, I was shaved and swabbed with disinfectant where the operation would take place and then my parents were allowed in the room. They stayed for an hour until the anesthesiologist came into the room. He was a tall man with an infectious smile and really handsome.
“Good morning Cindy, I’m Dr. James and I’ll be administering your pain medicine during your operation. I’ll be with you the whole time during the surgery and you won’t feel a thing. Do you have any questions for me?”
“No,” I answered with a dreamy look in my eyes.
Mom recognized the look on my face and stifled a chuckle.
“Good. I want you to say goodnight to your Mom and Dad and then I’m going to give you a shot to relax you a bit before we go into surgery.”
Mom came to me and held my hand as Dad stood behind her.
“Are you sure you want this?” she asked. “You know you don’t have to go through with this if you don’t want to?”
“I want to Mom. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.”
Mom hugged me and whispered, “I love you, little girl.”
“I love you too.”
Mom moved out of the way and Dad took her place and said, “I’m so proud of you Cindy. You’re my hero for doing what needed to be done, I love you.”
“I love you too Dad,” I said with a smile.
Mom and Dad left the room. Mom tried to hide it but I could see the tears running down her cheek. I wasn’t sure if she was crying because because she was sad that I was going to become a girl, or happy because I was going to become one? She was in a quandary I didn’t envy. Either way it was too late to turn back, not that I wanted to, but I would always wonder if I was doing the right thing.
Dr. James returned and I got the same dumb expression on my face as my heart rate increased with his presence.
“I’m just going to give you a little shot to help you relax Cindy. All you’ll feel is a little pinch, there’ all done.”
It took all of about ten seconds for me to relax; right, liar, liar pants on fire, and the soft fuzzy blackness enveloped my body.
Ping, ping, ping, ping, what is that noise? Let me sleep and while you’re at it take the cotton out of my mouth. Ping, ping, ping, ping, oh God, it’s my alarm. I’m supposed to play in a tournament today. My eyes fluttered open enough to see a bright light directly over my head, yuk turn it off. I moved to turn on my side so the light would go away.
“Ugh,” I groaned as pain shocked me back to reality.
“She’s awake,” a familiar voice announced.
“Where am I?” I croaked.
“Honey, you just had surgery,” the voice answered.
I knew that voice. I had heard it before, who was it? Think, Cindy, think, what do you remember? Oh yes, that oh so handsome doctor told me he was going to help me relax and injected me with something. It would feel like a pinch, but why don’t I remember anything else? That voice, I know, it’s Mom. What happened to me and why won’t my brain work like it’s supposed to?
“Mom?” I asked, my voice ragged.
“Cindy, it’s over and everything went perfectly,” Mom said.
“Perfectly?” I asked, my brain still muddled.
“Yes sweetheart, you’re a girl now.”
A girl, a girl, I’m a girl. Of course I’m a girl, I’ve been a girl for, for, for six years. Then it hit me, I had surgery and I really was a girl. A smile crossed my lips. I was officially a member of the club.
My eyes opened and Mom was hovering over me smiling from ear to ear. She had a daughter and it showed on every surface of her beautiful face. She was excited and she looked proud because I was now like her, female.
“How do you feel?” she asked.
“Umm, fine,” I lied.
I felt weird. My stomach was upset and my body felt like it was wrapped in cotton. I moved my hand to where my last bit of male parts had been and felt tubes coming from the bandages. Other than that, nothing. My IV was still attached and I watched the liquid drip into the line leading to my body. The only thing I noticed that I now had more plastic tubes running from my body.
My nurse walked in the room followed by my surgeon. My surgeon smiled and asked, “How are you feeling Cindy?”
“Fine I guess.”
She lifted my covers and asked, “Any pain?”
“No.”
“Good. You still have anesthetic in your body so you won’t notice anything for a few hours. After that you might feel a little discomfort. If you do ring for nurse Chambers and she will give you something for your discomfort.”
The surgeon covered me back up again. And I rested. I felt tired and sleep came easily.
My eyes opened again and now I knew what the discomfort the doctor was talking about, only I had another word for it, pain. My mother was sitting next to my bed watching as my face contorted into wakefulness.
“Did you rest well sweetheart?”
“I hurt,” I said, as an answer to her question.
I shifted uncomfortably to help with the pain, but all that did was make it worse.
Mom had pushed the button for the nurse so she came into the room quickly.
“Are you alright, Cindy?” she asked.
“I hurt down there,” I answered, pointing at the operation site.
“Your drugs must be wearing off finally. I’ll give you something to help take the pain away,” she said and injected something into my IV tube. I was asleep in minutes.
The rest of my day went like that. Wake every four or five hours, have the nurse give me pain meds and sleep again. The next few days followed the same pattern.
My operation had turned into discomfort rather than pain by the fourth day of recovery. It was nice not to take the meds and stay awake. It was also time for me to get out of bed and walk.
I don’t care what anyone says, but getting up the first time isn’t fun. I had to fight the dizziness from my medication and the increased discomfort from the operation. I felt like a little old lady. Mom was on one side of me and my nurse was on the other as they guided me down the hallway around the floor. My hands were full holding the rolling stand with my IV dripping fluid and my other hand holding my catheter bag. We walked around the floor twice before I returned to my bed as long as I promised to do the same this afternoon.
The following day, my catheter and IV were removed which meant I now had to go to the bathroom to make sure my new plumbing worked; it did. I had been sitting to pee ever since I started my journey but had to aim my penis with my fingers so the stream would go in the proper direction. Out of habit, I reached to do the same and was surprised to not find anything to aim anymore. All I had to do was go. The first time took a bit of time, as I had to learn how to make myself go. This function became easier each time I did it.
I won’t bore you with my time in the hospital. I stayed for two weeks before they let me go home. I won’t think of Jell-O in the same way ever again. I also had another hormone implant before I left.
There were instructions given to me that I had to follow religiously. One I couldn’t run for another two weeks and when I started again I had to take it easy.
No soccer for a month after I got home to be sure everything was healed and not likely to tear with the exertion.
Finally I had to dilate. When I was shown what to do in the hospital I had never felt so vulnerable and embarrassed in my life. My nurse apologized for making me uncomfortable but it had to be done or I would close up which would be a very bad thing.
Lastly I was shown the care and maintenance of my new part. I had to keep it clean because infection was now a very real threat. I found being a girl wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be.
Two days before I was discharged, my personal FBI Agents came to visit. I thought they came to visit to be nice, but I was wrong. It was for a very different reason.
Agent Groves entered the room first followed closely by Agent Martinez. My Mom and Dad were both there. Ted had been staying with one of his friends during this whole thing so he was still back in Jackson.
“Hello Cindy, It’s nice to see you again. My you’ve certainly turned into a lovely young lady,” Agent Martinez said.
“Thank you.”
“I was wondering where this journey would end when it started? To be perfectly honest I didn’t think it would end like this, but I’m glad it did. If you had changed your mind we would have had to drop you from the program and let you take care of yourselves on your own. It’s good you followed through because I have some things to talk to you about. As you know, the man you sent to prison had escaped four years ago. As we told you his Russian Mafia friends ambushed the vehicle he was riding in and killed two marshals during his escape. He just dropped off the face of the earth so to speak. We hadn’t heard or seen anything about him for two years. He may have been doing what he usually did for the Russian Mafia during that time, but nothing could be linked to him directly. The assassinations had continued but we had no real evidence it was him. Two years ago a website was opened called American Twins. Basically it was a registry of twins in the United States. Its premises were to put twins in touch with each other for conventions and other events throughout the states. As more names were gathered schools and towns were being visited by several different men, all of them Russian. One was the man you sent to prison.”
“The way we found out about them was one set of twins was threatened by your man. His description was the same with the same scar under his eye. The boys and his parents were threatened but after the family proved they weren’t the twins he was looking for they left with the threat that if they said anything he would be back. Lucky for us they called the local police who in turn called us. We determined that the only way our guy could have found out about the twins was through the web site. After looking into the registration process it was easy to figure out what they had done. When you signed up one of the questions was whether you were fraternal or identical. After listing sex and age the work had been done for them. We contacted many of the twins listed and over half had mentioned some sort of contact with the group. No one has been hurt as of this moment, but I must warn you that there is a set of twin boys your age listed that live in Jackson.”
“Erik and Anders,” I said.
“You know them?”
“Yes we’re in the same grade. I umm kind of liked Anders last year,” I blushed.
“I see. First boyfriend?”
“Yes.”
“Well getting back to our problem, the group seems to be working its way from the east coast. We’ve had reports of harassment from Utah just last month. If your friends are on the registry like we think, then you can expect a visit from your killer. You won’t be in any danger because you’re now a girl and your brother is a boy. Your friends however might be.”
“I don’t think so. They have blonde hair and blue eyes.”
“Then I don’t think you have anything to worry about. It appears your family has made all the adjustments to live a normal life since the relocation?” Agent Martinez said to my father.
“Yes I suppose we have, I think It may have been the best thing that could have happened to us. We live in a lovely community, we have new friends, our children have more friends that I can count on my fingers and best of all we have a beautiful daughter.”
“She is that,” Agent Groves said. “We’ll be checking back with you every now and then just to be sure there are no problems but I doubt there will be. The doctors here at Stanford are the best and I’m sure all the steps with Cindy were for the best. I’m glad we were able to help assist you. It has been a pleasure Mr. and Mrs. Crane. The best to you and Cindy, you’re a lovely young woman.”
Chapter Eighteen
We returned home and the first thing out of Shannon’s mouth was, “what did they do to you?”
I knew she would be curious about what had taken place during my absence. I had told her I had to go to the Bay Area for medical reasons and I’d tell her all about it when I returned.
“I had some cysts that had to be removed. It was worse than they thought and after my operation they said I can’t have babies anymore.”
I knew I was lying, but that would explain why I had been operated where it was done. We both shed tears and hugs. God I’m so lucky to have Shannon for a best friend.
My recovery went well. I started running with the soccer team and playing after six weeks as the doctor instructed. It felt good to be with my team again and finally really being one of the girls.
School started for us and now we were entering our first year of high school. I was never so nervous in my life as we entered school. We were the freshmen, bottom rung on the pole. Upper classmen were rushing here and there, some teasing us about being young and new to school. We had all worn jeans and a blouse so as to fit in with the older girls and to be honest not to be noticed. We pretty much succeeded at that, the first day anyway.
Shannon, Alexis and I had signed up for the same subjects, all college prep. Unfortunately we found out in high school we wouldn’t always be in the same classes with each other. Shannon and I shared three classes and I shared two with Alexis. The three of us agreed on one thing that we would sign up for team sports after school. The only thing that interested us was cross-country during the fall season. The three of us joined the team and being already in top shape from soccer, our running was almost the best on the team. Thankfully we were able to continue with soccer because of daylight saving time. Our practices didn’t start until six and we were done with running by five.
We still maintained our high grade point average with Alexis carrying a four point oh.
I forgot to mention the second day of school. I hadn’t noticed the upper class boys during our first day of school but apparently they had noticed us. I found out later the boys liked to hang out near the entrance on the first day of school to watch the freshman girls on their way to classes. Several of the girls in my Algebra class were sophomores and one sat next to me in class.
“Hi, I’m Traci,” she said to me.
“I’m Cindy.”
“Nice to meet you. You’re a freshman aren’t you?”
“Yes.”
“Have you met any of the older boys yet?”
“No, why would you ask?”
“Because you’re so pretty. Just wait, you’ll be the first.”
“The first for what?”
“To be asked out by a junior or senior.”
“Why would they do that, they don’t even know me?”
“They might not know you, but they know of you by now.”
“I’m sorry Tracy, but I have no idea as to what you’re talking about.”
“Didn’t you see all the boys lingering around the front entrance to school yesterday?”
“Yes, how could I miss seeing them, some were really cute,” I giggled.
“Us girls call that running the gauntlet. Every year the boys line up to see which freshman they will want to ask out. Only the cutest girls are asked. It’s kind of a badge of acceptance and popularity to be asked by an older boy. The higher the class, the bigger the prize. A senior is the highest prize for a freshman girl.”
“I don’t think my parents would allow me to date anyone that much older than me. I’ve never even been on a date.”
“I can’t believe that. You’re too pretty to be sitting at home.”
“I really don’t have time to date anyway. I’m on a select soccer team and my friends and I are going to sign up for the cross-country team. The rest of my time is spent on homework.”
“I should have done the same thing as you, but I like boys too much which explains why I’m a sophomore in Algebra one.”
Class was simple as we reviewed the math we learned last year in eight grade. I was on my way to second period when a boy stopped me in the hall. He was very cute, probably a ten on the cute meter.
“Hi,” he said.
“Hi,” I blushed in return.
“You’re new here aren’t you?”
“Yes.”
“I’m Gabriel Manning.”
“Cindy Crane.”
“It’s nice to meet you Cindy. Look we don’t have much time between classes and you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever met and would really like to know you better. Would it be okay if I drove you home and maybe we could stop for a Coke or something?”
Holy cow. This is only my second day here and a boy, a very cute boy is already asking me out, OMG.
“Uhh, umm, I don’t know if I can. I’m only a freshman and I really have to ask my parents first before I can accept a ride home.”
“You’re safe with me, I’ll run you home and you can ask your parents if it’s okay to take you for a soda.”
“I really can’t. I’ll walk home with my friends and ask my parents, maybe tomorrow.”
“Okay see you then.”
Gabriel walked away and Traci approached me.
“Oh my God. Cindy, do you know who that was?”
“He said his name was Gabriel Manning,” I responded.
“I know that, but do you really know who he is?”
“No.”
“He’s just the quarterback for our football team and a senior. Girl, you just hit it big time. I have to go or I’ll be late for class.”
After what had just happened I felt as though I was standing in a vacuum. Apparently the most popular senior in the school had just asked me out and Traci was beside herself. If I didn’t pull myself together, I’d be late for my next class.
At lunch, Alexis, Shannon, and Lisa, a girl on our soccer team ate together.
“I hear you’re going out with Gabriel Manning?” Alexis asked.
“Where did you hear that?”
“From this Traci chick in my English class.”
“Oh God, I know who you mean. She’s in my Algebra class and saw Gabriel asking if he could drive me home.”
“What did you say?”
“I told him I had to ask my parents first.”
“Oh my God, you didn’t?”
“Why wouldn’t I. My Mom already told me no rides from someone they didn’t know. What was I supposed to say?”
“Anything but referring to your parents. Now he’ll think you’re immature.”
“Immature?”
“Yes, immature. We’re not in grade school anymore, Cindy, this is high school and we’re supposed to be young women. Girls ask their parents, young women just go ahead and do what they want.”
I couldn’t believe Alexis was saying what she did. Of all my friends she was watched over by her parents more than any other friend I knew. I wondered where she got an idea like that?
“Who told you that?”
“Traci mentioned it when she told me what you said to Gabriel.”
“And that’s why she’s in freshman classes with us. I wouldn’t pay too much attention to her if I were you.”
Shannon, Ted, and I walked home together after school. We had signed up for cross-country and Ted decided to try playing football. The conversation came around to Gabriel.
“Are you going to ask your parents if it’s okay to ride home with Gabriel?” Shannon asked.
“Who’s Gabriel?” Ted asked.
“The quarterback on the football team,” I responded.
“Dude, Gabriel fucking Manning asked you out?”
Ted was going through his dude phase and I think if he called me dude again I would scream.
“Ted, don’t call me dude and please quit swearing.”
“God Cindy, you know I call everyone dude.”
“Well I don’t like it.”
“Well excuse me. Who put a rag in your butt this morning?”
“That’s not funny.”
“Come on you two, you’re brother and sister, give each other a hug and be nice,” Shannon laughed.
“Eww,” both Ted and I said.
Ted had been growing as of late and he was almost as tall as me. More than a few girls had asked me if he had a girlfriend. I guess he would be considered handsome if he weren’t my brother.
“So tell me about your date,” Ted asked.
“I don’t have a date and you know as well as me that Mom and Dad wouldn’t allow me to date a boy.”
“You could ask,” Shannon said.
“I will, but I know what the answer will be, and beside we have running practice after school.”
“And Gabriel has football practice,” Shannon giggled, with a conspiratorial lilt in her voice.
“Shannon, you’re not helping,” I answered, my exasperation showing.
“Is he cute?”
“I guess you could say he’s rather handsome.”
“You’re so lucky. You’re the first freshman girl to be asked out by an older boy.”
“How’s that lucky. I can’t do anything about it.”
“Still, you’re the first.”
I guess being first was some sort of badge of acceptance, not that it would do much good.
“It doesn’t do much good so I think I’ll concentrate on school rather than dating a boy my parents won’t let me go out with.”
“When did you turn into a stick in the mud?” Shannon asked.
“About the same time as when your father told you no dates until you’re sixteen,” I laughed.
“Point taken.”
“Do you have everything for running practice tomorrow?” I asked.
“Yes, all we need is shorts and running shoes, oh and don’t forget to bring a sport bra.”
“I won’t.”
We reached our homes and split, Shannon going left and my brother and me right.
“What are you going to do, Cindy?” Ted asked.
“About what?” I said, playing dumb.
“You know what, Gabriel. You know Mom and Dad aren’t going to let you go out with him.”
“It doesn’t hurt to ask.”
“God, I’ve got to see my stunning sister shot down by her caring parents,” Ted laughed.
“Hah, you watch and learn, brother.”
Mom and I were washing dishes, Mom washing and me drying, when I popped the question.
“Mom, would it be okay if I rode home from school with someone?
“Who’s that?”
“Uhh, like this guy Gabriel. He’s the quarterback for the football team and the most popular boy in school,” I gushed.
“No, you’re too young.”
“But Mom.”
“Don’t but Mom me. You’re a girl and only fourteen. No dates until you’re sixteen.”
“What about school dances?”
“Only if your brother goes with you. He’s handsome enough to get a date, so only if you two double date.”
“Can’t I at least ride home with Gabriel?”
“Absolutely not. I won’t have my daughter riding in a car driven by a teenage boy.”
“You’re not fair,” I sniped.
“It’s not my place to be fair Cindy, and this isn’t a democracy. As far as your brother and you are concerned while you live in this house you’ll do as you’re told.”
Wow, I couldn’t believe what my mother just said. What would she know what Gabriel is like? He’s a nice boy and cute too. I felt my anger rise and walked to my room before I said something I would regret.
Gabriel was waiting when we walked through the doors the next morning.
“Hi Cindy, how you doing?” he asked.
“I’m fine, and I asked my mom if I could ride home with you, and she said no. I’m sorry but she said I can’t even date until I’m sixteen.”
“What a bummer. Damn, I was looking forward to spending time with you too.”
“We could spend time at school?” I said hopefully.
“Jeez, sorry, but I’m so busy that I hardly have time for myself, maybe next time.”
Gabriel walked away and out of my life. How could my mother be so cruel?
It was between first and second period I saw Gabriel again, with his arm around Jenny Lopez. She was a freshman from one of the other middle schools in the area. She’s really pretty and had a figure that stopped conversation when she walked by. It sure didn’t take him long to find a replacement for me. Mom was right, I had no business dating someone like that.
High school was a really new experience for us. Keeping my high point average was a chore, but it had to be done. Ted was having a much more difficult time than me so I became his tutor. He didn’t like his sister telling him what to do but that was his problem. Mom had to put the flame out on more than one argument.
Ted made the JV team and ended up playing wide receiver because of his speed. I hated to admit it, but he’s faster than me and he’s grown to an inch shorter than me and is growing like a weed. Because of our conditioning, Alexis, Shannon and I were the third, fourth, and fifth best runners on the cross-country team. Lindsey and Charlotte were the fastest but Lindsey is a junior and Charlotte is a senior. Our team was one of the strongest in the league, finishing second overall. Because of our high finish we went to the sectionals and finished fifth.
The only other thing of note was going to the Homecoming Dance. I wasn’t allowed to date a boy nor was Alexis or Shannon, so we went together. I was asked to dance every dance, as were my girlfriends. Gabriel even asked me to dance when Jenny went to the bathroom.
“Aren’t you afraid Jenny will find out?” I asked.
“She’ll be in the bathroom for an hour touching up her makeup,” Gabriel sneered.
What a creep, I thought, and to think I was going to argue with my mother for a boy like this.
“What are you doing dancing with this girl?” Jenny shrieked, as she walked up to Gabriel and me.
“She’s just a family friend, don’t worry Babe, you’re the only one I want to be with.”
Gabriel let go of my hand and walked away with Jenny after kissing her softly on her lips. I just shook my head at the foolish girl.
It was a month later that I heard the only reason Gabriel was still with Jenny was because she put out whenever he wanted it. I wondered if that could have been me if I had had my way?
After the cross-country season came soccer. The three of us tried out for the team and we made it.
Soccer isn’t a big sport so they only had one team, varsity. Because of our being on a select team we made first string. Usually freshman had to wait until they were juniors but we played well enough to make it to the big time. Some of the other girls weren’t pleased but as he coach said, if they play better than you then that’s the way it is.
Our select team didn’t play the same time as high school so our time on the field was exclusive to our high school team. Shannon’s father was a much better coach than Coach Denton, but what the heck; the three of us knew what the other would do without being told so we kind of used the rest of the team as decoration to our play. I’m not trying to sound as though the rest of the girls weren’t there, but we were the scoring part of the team. Making a long story short we won the league and went to sectionals.
State was after winning the sectionals and we came in second. The only reason we didn’t win was because of a lucky fluke of a goal by the other team. Pamela one of our defenders headed the ball out from in front of the goal and unfortunately it hit Jenny’s hip, which deflected the ball past our keeper into the net. The other team won one to nothing. Both girls were distraught, but we told them luck was on the other teams side and it could just as well been a play in our favor and not to let it bother them. Next year would be our year. They realized we were right because most of the team members would be returning and the seniors that were leaving weren’t the strongest players on the team.
I forgot to mention that between the sport seasons I returned to Stanford for another implant. My time spent with Dr. Montgomery was short so I won’t even say anything about it, except to say that my next meeting would be much longer.
High school sport is a three team affair, fall, winter and spring. Fall is cross-country, winter, soccer and spring is baseball, or in my case, softball.
I made the team and was surprised not to make the varsity. Apparently only juniors and seniors were on the varsity team and the rest on JV no matter how good you played. Because of my play in little league ball my skills were way beyond my fellow teammates but it didn’t matter. I was still a freshman and I would be spending time on JV (Junior Varsity) for those that don’t know. We won our league, yahoo. Ted joined the regular baseball team and made varsity, don’t even ask, grr. The varsity made sectionals and lost in the first round, but I was so proud of my brother.
Oh, I finally got to go on a real date. I was asked to go to the prom by Kyle Goldson. As I had mentioned my mother said no dating until I was sixteen but Kyle asked me to the prom. My mother said no even though he went to our church. Apparently he must have been smitten with me because my mom got a call from his mom and she talked my mother into letting me go.
First let me say, I love boys. Shannon would laugh every time I had a crush on some new stud at school, my definition, not what they were in real life. Every week I fell in love with someone new. Shannon says I’m the most fickle girl she knows. I blame my feelings on my rush of hormones and the fact (confirmed by my very own survey) that girls my age like boys. Ted mentioned that I was boy crazy, but he should talk, he loved girls as much as I loved boys.
Kyle, the boy who asked me out, is a junior in our school. I never noticed him before, if you know what I mean, except he was someone who went to the same school and church as me. I was drawn to the popular boys; you know the ones, the football star or basketball star and the ones all the girls thought were the cutest things since Justin Beaver. I was just as bad and much like a sheep flocking with the rest of the girls. Our conversations at lunch pretty much took the same path every day. God, such and such is so cute and I’m so jealous of so and so for dating him, sigh.
After Kyle asked me out I started to pay attention to him; not like I went and clung to him, but watched him to see what kind of boy was asking me out. He hung with a group of four or five of the same boys most days. They weren’t the uber-popular group but the ones people greeted with a friendly hi and that was it. His group was the good students and terrific athletes. None of the boys were drop dead handsome, but the more you looked at them, they had a special appeal. Kyle was six one and still growing. He was on the football team and played wide receiver. He was also on the boy’s soccer team, but the boys and girls teams kept pretty much to themselves, so he went unnoticed by me. His build was very nice, well-muscled but not to where it showed much. I guess the way to put it was he was in shape. He played baseball in the spring and I don’t remember him being on any of Ted and my little league teams. He was on the honor roll carrying a four point oh average. His hair was brown and his eyes blue. He was slightly tanned from being outside on the sport teams each year.
I think the reason I had failed to notice Kyle was the attention I received daily from other boys. A day barely passed that I wasn’t asked on a date, even though the boys knew I wasn’t allowed until I was sixteen. The attention can be a bit intoxicating and hearing comments like she’s such a fox can take your attention away from someone quiet and a bit shy like Kyle. Even with the attention I hadn’t fallen in with the popular clique cheerleads belonged to. Most of the girls in that group were so into themselves even I had to laugh. Sports were the farthest thing from their mind.
Getting back to Kyle, I really paid attention to him and to be honest I liked what I saw. He was relatively handsome and very considerate to others. He didn’t strut like a fool but drew attention by not drawing attention if that makes sense.
This was going to be my very first date ever and I couldn’t think of a boy I’d rather be going with.
So, now this was going to become the first for many things in my life, my first prom dress and shoes and the rest of the pampering that goes with it. Because it was a first my mother wanted to remember this moment for the rest of her life, her daughter’s first prom. I don’t have to go into all the preparation involved as most people reading this story have read the same thing over and over so I just want to say thanks to my Mom for letting me go in the first place.
Kyle picked me up in a limousine. He and three other couples had rented it for the evening. I had never met any of them because they were juniors and seniors at our school. Of course Mom had to take pictures of me alone and then with Kyle. After that came the group photos. I think Mom filled the memory card completely that night.
Mom and I had spent the day getting ready. I had a complete makeover and looked like a different person when I exited the salon. When I first saw myself in the mirror it took my breath away. If Kyle didn’t like what he saw when he saw me he must be gay.
My dress was black and the only thing I would have changed was the neckline. Mom and I had very different ideas as to how much of my breasts should be seen. Mom won out so there was barely a hint of cleavage showing. Obviously her idea of cleavage and mine differed greatly. I did win out on the length of the dress so it ended at mid-thigh, like the rest of the girls in the limo. I obviously had the most modest neckline of the group.
“You’re only a freshman Cindy,” she said, when we were shopping.
“But Mom, they’re going to think I’m a little kid,” I whined, as we tried on dress after dress.
“I doubt that,” she giggled, looking at my figure. Standing in just my bra and panties didn’t give me much ammunition to fight with. I had become very much a young lady.
We went to dinner first at one of the Italian restaurants Jackson was known for. I was worried about eating anything with sauce. It would be just my luck to drop it on my dress and ruin it. Fish with polenta was my final decision. The food was okay, but nothing to write home about. The thing about dinner was getting to know the person or people you were with. My thoughts had been that the older kids would ignore a lowly freshman like me, but I was wrong. The girls embraced me as if I was one of theirs, and the guys couldn’t have been nicer. The best part was how Kyle doted over me. I felt like a princess. The only thing that would have made the evening perfect is if Kyle had kissed me goodnight. He was too much of a gentleman to take advantage of my mother’s kindness to allow me to go to the dance in the first place. I fell hard for him that night. Who says nice boys can’t ever get the girl? He sure had me.
Chapter Nineteen
Memorial Day was a day I will remember for the rest of my life. I woke to a sun filled spring day. For some reason or other, Shannon’s father hadn’t entered us in a soccer tournament so the weekend was free. All of my friends had gone to the Sierras camping. We would have done the same but my father had a small contracting job that could only be done on the weekend for one of the banks in the area. I missed my friends, which probably was the reason for my melancholy. I had watched the morning shows and their visit to Arlington Cemetery and the tears shed by relatives still mourning for their loved ones. I had helped Mom with chores and retreated to my room as the sadness enveloped me. Sitting on my bed hugging my teddy bear tight to my chest, tears began to flow as memories of the last eight years flooded my brain. My door was open and I didn’t notice Ted enter my room.
“Sis, what’s wrong?” he asked, with obvious concern in his voice.
Until now, I would cry or pout while going through my hormonal rages and he never mentioned anything except to stay away and let me do my thing. His reaction was different this time as he walked to my bed and sat down on the side of it next to me.
“I don’t know. I was thinking about the last eight years and how much our lives have changed,” I blubbered.
“I thought you liked the way our lives have changed?”
“I do, but I wonder what our lives would have been like if we never witnessed that man murder that other poor man. Haven’t you ever wondered the same thing?”
“Not for some time.”
“Haven’t you ever wondered what I would have been like if I was still Marcus?”
“But you’re not.”
“I know I’m not. Marcus was killed just as dead that day when we witnessed the crime. If it wasn’t for that I’d be like you, a boy.”
“I thought you liked being a girl?”
“I do, but what if?”
“We’d still be living in New Jersey. Don’t forget you’re the one who volunteered.”
“I know I did. I didn’t think it would go this far when we started the whole thing.”
“You could have stopped any time you wanted.”
“I know, but I didn’t want to and if I did our whole family would have been in danger.”
“Why did you agree to being the girl? I know you said it made you feel important but you could have stopped?”
“I know, but as I started having friends I liked being a girl. It really wasn’t much different than being a boy, but the longer I did it the more I began thinking like a girl. I just wondered what my life would have been like if I was still a boy? Would I like Shannon in different way? She’s my best friend in the whole world, but if I were a boy she wouldn’t be. Maybe Anders or Erik would have been my friend because we were twins or maybe some of your other friends? Would I have been one of those jerks that pick on other kids, would my studies have suffered because I wanted to play instead of paying attention in school? Would Mom have allowed me to date girls even though I was fifteen? Things were different in New Jersey. I loved being a boy and being the best brother I could be. I remember we would always compete with each other, but not in a destructive way. If anyone saw Grady they knew I would be there too. It’s not like that anymore. I love you Ted, but were not the same anymore. We might be identical twins, but we really aren’t anymore. I think differently from you. You’re a boy and I’m a girl. We started the same but Marcus was killed that day,” I said, as the tears ran and dripped onto my bed.
Ted looked at me, reached over to me and pulled me into a comforting hug. It was the first time I ever felt real love from my brother.
“I love you Cindy, more than you’ll ever know.”
It was two weeks until I had to return to Stanford for my implant. I had asked Mom how much longer I would have to continue having the implants done?
“Until you’re eighteen and then after that you’ll start taking pills instead. I’m not sure if you were listening but your doctor said you’d have to take them the rest of your life.”
“Why?”
“Because you don’t have the proper plumbing to manufacture the proper hormones but many girls have the same problem even though they were born a girl. Your situation is a little different but not that much.”
“Okay Mom.”
The following week I couldn’t stop thinking about Marcus. I wasn’t my usual bubbly self and it didn’t slip by Shannon’s inquiring gaze.
“What’s wrong with you lately, Cindy? You’re moping around like you’ve lost your best friend.”
“I don’t know Shannon, I feel so sad lately.”
“I know what it is, you’re gaining weight?”
“I’m not,” I stated.
“Your boobs look like you are.”
“Really?” I asked brightly.
“You’re smiling, I knew I could make you a happy Cindy again,” she laughed.
“Do my boobs really look bigger?”
“God Cindy, you’re so vain. No of course not. I just wanted to make you feel better.”
“Bitch,” I giggled.
Shannon always had a way of making me feel better about myself. This time though my sadness returned. I kept thinking of my life and how it had changed. I love the girl I have become and I love my life so why did I feel so sad about Marcus? If I couldn’t figure out what was going on I’d drive myself crazy. The solution to the problem was to ask Mom to try to book an appointment with Dr. Montgomery.
The return to Stanford had become a bore. I was growing to hate the three-hour drive to get there. It was even longer when we hit traffic.
I was in and out after my implant was done. My appointment with Dr. Montgomery wasn’t until two thirty so we had time to kill. We wandered the downtown district of Palo Alto, eating lunch and exploring the many boutiques that lined both sides of the street. It was a fun time spent with my parents. Ted of course stayed with one of his friends in Jackson.
We returned to Stanford and I was shown into Dr. Montgomery’s suite.
“Hello Cindy, it’s nice to see you again. I thought your last visit would be the last time I was going to see you.”
“Hi Dr.”
“So what brings you here today?”
“The way I’ve been feeling lately.”
“And how’s that?”
“I don’t know how to explain it. I just feel so depressed lately.”
“Why would you feel depressed? I thought we had resolved all your feelings about becoming a girl? If you had doubts you should have voiced them to me,” Dr. Montgomery said, with a stern tone I had never heard her use before and the tenseness in her body was evident.
“It’s not about becoming a girl, it’s about Marcus.”
I could see the tension leave before she spoke again.
“What are your concerns about Marcus?”
“Ever since I decided to become a girl all I thought about was being the best girl I could be. I would always be careful to not expose who I once was. I forgot all about Marcus because I was concentrating so hard on being a girl. After my operation I no longer had to pretend I was a girl because I really was one. Discovery was the farthest thing from my mind, heck I could have gone to the mall and taken off all my clothes and no one would have known I was once a boy.”
“Memorial Day I was watching TV and saw the sadness in the eyes of the wives and families of the fallen soldiers and realized Marcus was never put to rest. You see, Marcus died that day he witnessed the crime just as surely as if the killer had put a bullet in his brain. After that day I became Cindy, it was so gradual, except no one ever thought about Marcus. Why couldn’t anyone have thought about me? I did this for my family and yet it was always about Cindy, Cindy this and Cindy that, but never asking how Marcus felt? I don’t regret what I’ve done, but I don’t know, I just feel so sad about Marcus. I can’t forget who I was. Don’t get me wrong, I never want to be a boy again, but what am I to do with the boy I once was?”
“You have a dilemma Cindy. What do you think you should do?”
“I don’t know, that’s why I’m here.”
“Okay, let’s take this a little bit at a time. When you think of Marcus what are your thoughts?”
“I wonder what I would have been like.”
“And can’t you see that by looking at your brother?”
“Of course I can, but it isn’t the same as really being Marcus. I wonder if I’d have been different than him. I was always a better athlete but now after I began the hormone treatments I lost the edge to him. Maybe if I was still Marcus I would have too but I’ll never know.”
“Is it all about the athletics you’re worried about?”
“Not really. I think what I’m trying to ask is it all right to bury Marcus and forget about him. I’m a girl now and having memories of being a boy just doesn’t seem right.”
“Why’s that? Can’t you put Marcus into a special place in your heart?”
“I suppose I could. Would it be alright if I remembered him occasionally?”
“Why wouldn’t it be? Marcus is still a part that makes you unique. Marcus was a special little boy that made a very adult decision to save his family. That’s something you should never forget. Embrace your memories of Marcus. Keep them dear to your heart. It would be a shame if you were to bury those memories. Don’t feel sad when you remember Marcus but feel happy. You’re a very special young lady Cindy and Marcus is part of who you are, never forget that.”
“I won’t and thank you Dr. May I have a hug?” I asked, as my eyes teared with relief and happiness.
We returned home and that was the last time I felt sadness when I thought of Marcus. The doctor was right; I was a very lucky young woman.
I don’t know when it happened but Ted is now taller than me. My growth has stopped at a quarter of an inch over five foot six. Ted is now five eight and hasn’t shown any signs of slowing his march toward six feet, drat.
Summer vacation was different this year. Shannon and I spent a lot of time walking around the historic district of Jackson. We would be joined by other girls in our class and would have as many as ten girls in a pack, we all enjoyed showing off our rather new feminine curves to the tourists and flirting with boys. It was one such day that would bring an end to the hiding our family had been doing these past years.
Shannon, Alexis Lori, Monica, and I had just walked from the soda shop reproduction after having a milkshake. It was the middle of July and the temperature was well over one hundred. This was the first real shake we had all year and it felt good to splurge. As we walked by the hotel a man rushed from inside and almost knocked me down. All of us girls were wearing our bikini tops, shorts and flip-flops.
“Move,” he said, staring at the exposed tops and cleavage of my breasts.
“Hey,” I retorted.
He just snarled as he looked up into my eyes. His face was red with anger and his mouth was twisted into an ugly snarl. It was then that I noticed the scar under his eye. This was the man who wanted to kill me. I felt my body go stiff with fear. He had taken four steps toward the street and then he stopped.
Looking back at me he asked, “Do you know these boys?”
He showed me a sheet of paper with Anders and Erik’s names on it. Shannon could see my distress I couldn’t believe he didn’t recognize me and then I thought he’s looking for twin boys not a girl and boy.
“Leave us alone,” Shannon ordered, with the toughest voice she could muster.
The man growled at us, but not before staring at my breasts once again. He was old enough to be my father, what a pig.
Agent Martinez had told us the man had escaped five years ago and had been using a twin’s registry to try to locate Ted and me. Of course he had no idea the me had become a girl. Now I had something I had to do, find a policeman.
I was still shaking when the man walked away and Shannon asked, “What’s wrong, Cindy?”
“That man, he scared me,” I responded.
“God you looked as though you just saw a ghost.”
Little did Shannon know but I had.
“Look. I have to go home. I’ll catch up with you later.”
“We’ll be at Wal-Mart. Lori’s mom said she would drive us.”
“Okay.”
I walked as fast as my flip-flops would allow. I knew where the police station was since we walked by it on the way to school each day. What would I tell them, and would they believe me?
I ran the conversation through my head and decided a fifteen year old girl dressed as I was claiming to have seen an escaped murderer would make as much sense as claiming there was a monster in Pardee reservoir. Going to the police would have been the worst thing I could do. The only people who knew who we really were was the FBI and making the claim would just open doors that needed to stay closed.
I finally reached home and ran through the door.
“Mom, mom, I saw him,” I shouted.
“Cindy, calm down. You saw who?”
“The man, the one who killed the guy where we used to live.”
“You saw him? What makes you think it’s him?”
“He came out of the hotel and ran into me. I was with the girls and he stared at me. God Mom, I was so scared,” I said, as tears ran down my face. Mom came and held me until I felt safe again.
“We have to call the police,” she said.
“We can’t Mom. They don’t know were in witness protection and why would they believe a young girl like me anyway and how would I know he was a murderer? We have to call Agent Martinez, she’ll know what to do.”
Mom called the FBI office in Sacramento and asked for Agent Martinez.
“Agent Martinez,” she said, when she answered the phone.
“Hi Agent, this is Cindy Crane’s mother.”
“It’s nice to hear from you Mrs. Crane, but I’m sure this isn’t a social call. What can I do for you?”
“I’m going to put Cindy on the phone and let her tell you what she saw. It’s best if you hear it from her.”
Mom handed me the phone.
“Hi Agent Martinez,” I said.
“Hello Cindy, how’s your softball going?”
“Pretty well, thank you.”
“Your Mom says you saw something I might be interested in hearing?”
“Yes, I saw the man, you know the one who wants to kill us.”
“You saw him? How do you know it’s him?”
“I’ll never forget his face Agent Martinez, never. He walked out of the hotel downtown and ran right into me. I saw the scar and knew it was him as soon as I saw it.”
“Did he say anything to you?”
“He pointed at the names of twin boys who live here in Jackson and wanted to know if we knew them. He even had an accent when he talked.”
“That sounds like him alright. Listen, I’m all the way down in Sacramento so it will be about two hours before I can get to Jackson. I’m going to call the local police and see if they can pick him up. I’ll need you to stay home until I get there and see if you can find your brother. It isn’t safe for him to be anywhere near that man.”
“Ted’s camping with his friend’s parents at Silver Lake so I’m sure he’s safe.”
“Okay. You’d better hang up now so I can call the police.”
I lowered the phone and hoped the police would be there in time.
Agent Martinez called an hour later from her cell phone. I answered the call.
“Hi Cindy, it’s Agent Martinez. We’re on the road but I thought you would like to know the man is surrounded by your local police in his hotel. Unfortunately he has hostages and is refusing to give up. We’re bringing in our hostage negotiating team from San Francisco but they’re hours away. I’m going right to the hotel so I won’t see you until this is over.”
“Okay.”
I hung up the phone and sat looking at Mom. The obvious look of relief on my face. This adventure had finally come to an end. I couldn’t help thinking of what might have been if we never witnessed the crime in the first place. Thinking our lives would have been different was an understatement. There would have never been a Ted and Cindy Crane, identical twins, but really not. Our DNA might be the same but our bodies were as far from identical as possible. Would I have been as happy with my life if I was still a boy? I would never know.
Well, as my thoughts ran through my head, curiosity finally got the best of me. I had to go and watch to see if the man was really going to be captured. The Agent mentioned that he had a hostage. Would he escape again to once more try to find Ted and me and draw an end to the same trail I had been so pleased with just minutes before?
“Mom, I’ll be back,” I said as I walked toward the front door.
“Where are you going? Agent Martinez said to stay here until she got here.”
“I’m sorry Mom, but I have to go and see if the bad guy is captured. I’ll see Agent Martinez there.”
“I don’t feel comfortable with you leaving the house. What if something happens?”
“Nothing is going to happen. They have him surrounded, I’ll be fine.”
“Well, just be careful.”
“Yes Mom.”
I changed my shoes and left the house. With my canvas shoes on my feet I was able to run back to the center of town in five minutes. A block before the hotel I reached a barricade blocking the street.
I started to go around the barrier and was halted by a police officer.
“Hold it Miss, you can’t go down there.”
“But I have to see Agent Martinez of the FBI.”
“It’ll have to wait. She’s a little busy right now.”
“Could you at least tell her Cindy Crane is here to see her?”
“I’ll pass the message, but I wouldn’t get my hopes up.”
The officer spoke into a mike attached to his collar and waited for a reply. After several minutes the officer spoke to me.
“I’m sorry Miss but Agent Martinez says that you can’t come down there, her exact words were no, especially her.”
“Ooo, thank you,” I said, through gritted teeth.
God here was the man who wanted to kill me and I couldn’t go watch him be put away, grr. I had to see what was going to happen. There had to be a way.
I walked away from the barrier and circled the block. Main Street was closed off just after the market and deli. I ran into Shannon and the girls eating a sandwich from the deli.
“Where did you go?” Shannon asked.
“I had to go home for something.”
“God, you’re missing all the excitement. Some guy has some hostages in the hotel and says he’ll shoot one if they don’t get him a car.”
“How do you know that?”
“Monica’s brother is a cop and he told her.”
“He is? Do you think he could get us closer to the hotel?”
“I don’t know. Hey Monica, do you think your brother can get us closer to the hotel?”
“I doubt it, but it doesn’t hurt to ask.”
Monica’s brother was watching the barricade on Water Street where I came back to meet the girls. We circled the block and ran up to Monica’s brother.
“Chet, will you let us closer to the front of the hotel?” Monica asked.
“No way, you’re too close as it is. What are you doing over here anyway?”
“Cindy wanted to see if we could get closer, that’s all.”
“Aren’t you the one who asked to speak to Agent Martinez,” Chet asked looking directly at me.
“Yes.”
“I told you, you couldn’t go in there, now scoot you guys before I have you arrested,” Chet laughed.
“What do you want to do?” Shannon asked.
“Let’s just stay here,” I responded. It was the closest spot to the hotel we were allowed to be and I wanted to see the guy taken away.
We watched the non-action taking place. The police had taken up a position in front of the hotel and were joined by Agent Martinez behind one of the police cars. They were waiting for the man to make some kind of move. About fifteen minutes later Shannon asked me a question. I thought what had happened had gone past her, I was wrong.
“Who’s Agent Martinez?” she asked.
“What are you talking about?”
“Chet said you asked to see Agent Martinez, who is she?”
Crap, what have I gotten myself into now? How do I explain my involvement with the FBI? Could I be truthful with my best friend without blowing the whole witness protection thing all to heck?
“Shannon, you’re my best friend in the whole world, but I can’t tell you until this is over. When that man is arrested I’ll feel safe to tell you, but I can’t just yet.”
“Oh my God, you’re an undercover spy,” she said.
“Shannon, you’re crazy. No I’m not a spy. It will just have to wait. I promise I’ll tell you as much as I can.”
An hour later one of those command center busses turned into the street we were standing on. It circled the block and came down Main Street and stopped behind the police barricade. Agent Martinez stood, crouched over and ran to the bus.
Standing where we were, we couldn’t see the front of the hotel, all we could hear was the buzz of conversation going on behind the police cars. It reminded me of watching a lion stalking a zebra on Nature. You knew the zebra was history yet the fascination of waiting for the kill made the wait manageable. The same was happening before our eyes. We could see snipers on the rooftops across from the hotel aiming at the front of the building. Why hadn’t they shot I wondered?
Suddenly we heard a loud report from some kind of gun. I had fired pistols with my friend’s parents and this was much louder.
“Everybody down,” I heard a voice magnified through a microphone.
I waited for fire to be returned but nothing happened.
“Chet, why aren’t they shooting back?” Monica asked her brother.
“Because they’ll hit the hostage. As it is he hit one of the deputies on the roof across from the hotel.”
“Oh God, is he okay?”
“The shooter got his arm. He’ll be alright.”
I no longer felt as safe as I once did. Maybe this guy might escape after all. Fortunately he doesn’t know about Ted and me but who knows what he might do? Right now he’s like an animal in a cage and shooting more people wouldn’t bother him one bit.
We remained glued to our spot behind the barricade. As much as I wanted to leave I couldn’t, the future of the man with the scar meant too much to me. It was as though we were waiting for the inevitable train wreck.
Several more hours passed before the killer made his final demand, a car to be brought to the front of the hotel. After some hemming and hawing the demand was met. The thinking was that once the killer had cleared the front door of the hotel he would be an open target for the sniper stationed on the building across the street.
The car, an old Crown Vic was brought to the hotel and parked, the driver’s side facing away from the entrance. The driver, a police officer in uniform opened the door, exited and crept slowly away from the car, ducking behind the first cover he found.
It was about five minutes later that the front door of the hotel opened.
“Don’t shoot or I’ll kill my hostages,” the voice yelled.
“Everyone hold your fire,” A booming voice yelled from behind the police lines.
“We’re coming out so don’t do anything stupid.”
Monica’s brother shifted his position toward the front of the building, pulling his weapon. Several officers ran from behind the hotel.
“Chet, what’s happening?”
“He’s coming out,” Chet answered as he continued moving forward from his position.
All we could see was the edge of the front door. Slowly I saw a woman exit with a pistol held tightly against her head. Next came two more women with a man wearing a baseball cap between them. He was using the women, as a shield knowing the snipers wouldn’t shoot as long as the women were there. The group walked with their backs to the hotel and moving at a snail’s pace. It took at least three minutes for them to reach the driver’s door on the car. If I hadn’t seen what happened next I wouldn’t have believed it. The man tossed the pistol away from his hand and fell on the ground, face down. The women ducked behind the car waiting for the bullets to start flying.
“What the eff?” Chet said.
“Don’t anyone move,” came the command from the front of the police line.
There was a sound of rushing feet as officers closed in on the prostrate gunman. Rifles and pistols were pointed at the man.
“Don’t shoot, please don’t shoot. I’m not the man you want. He’s still inside the hotel,” the man stated.
The man was cuffed and then rolled over, the ball cap flying from his head exposing a shock of red hair.
“Fuck, he’s not our guy,” another voice said.
“Are there anymore hostages?”
“No.”
“Contain the building and do a room to room search, and be careful, he’s armed.”
The police and FBI rushed the hotel securing the property. The killer wasn’t found.
“Back here,” a voice yelled. “One of ours is down.”
We ran along the police line until we could see the rear of the hotel. Several officers were milling around a figure on the ground. There was blood running away from the body. He had been killed with a knife and was bleeding out. My stomach turned as I watched the gruesome sight.
“Help me,” a woman shouted from the junction of Highway eighty-eight and forty-nine. “He stole my car.”
Agent Martinez came to our home later that evening and told us what had happened back at the hotel.
“The man who’s looking for you, Ivan Livens came here because of the other twins that go to your school. Identical twins draw him live flies to honey and as we mentioned before he has access to a twin’s directory. Your classmates weren’t in any danger because they didn’t fit the description of you and Ted before anything like this happened. He’s looking for boys with brown eyes and dark hair and certainly not a girl which explains why he had no idea that he had just run into the person he wanted to kill.”
“Getting back to what happened at the hotel, Ivan pulled a fast one on us making us think he wanted a car to get away with the hostages. He took one of his pistols and emptied it of bullets and made the one male hostage wear a hat to cover his hair and face. He told the hostages he would be standing behind the door with a pistol pointed at their backs and if any of them made a wrong move he would shoot them dead in their tracks. Those were his own words. He told the man to hold the pistol to the head of the lead hostage and the others were to stand on each side of the man covering him from any sniper fire. They were told to walk slowly and any sudden move would be their last. They followed his instructions to the letter until they reached the car. The man knew as soon as he tried to get into the car his cover would no longer protect him so he felt that dropping the pistol and falling on the ground was the best thing he could do under the circumstances.”
“Unfortunately more than five minutes passed before we realized what had happened. Ivan had walked right past the Jackson Police Station with no one the wiser. When he got to the intersection of 49 and 88 he pulled the lady out of the first car to stop at the stop sign. She said he turned up 88 but had a three-minute head start. The only thing we have going for us at this point is a description of the car and the direction he’s going. Fortunately the lady was driving a Cadillac and it was one of those pink cars given as a sales thank you from some makeup company. It shouldn’t be too hard to spot.”
“That being said, I wouldn’t worry about him returning any time in the future. He’s known to the law officers both local and the sheriff’s office. The Highway Patrol has an APB out for the car so it shouldn’t be long before he’s in custody. I can safely say that if you want you could return to your old lives with the exception of Cindy of course. Everything that could be done to her has been done so she will remain a woman for the rest of her life. All I can say is that she’s been a real hero in my eyes. There aren’t many young boys who would have made the decision she did.”
“Thank you Agent Martinez for sharing what happened at the hotel. It’s a relief to know we no longer have to fear that bastard,” Mom said, using words I had never heard cross her lips. Ted and I both laughed.
So, our witness protection was over and we could return to our previous lives if we wished. Obviously I couldn’t become a boy again and there was no way I would want to. I loved the person I had become, but would I want to move back east again and lose the life I had built for myself?
“Well, what do you guys think?” Dad asked.
“About what?” Ted asked.
God my brother could be so dense sometimes. I love him to pieces but I wonder if he skipped a part of the brains assembly line when we were in Mom’s womb.
“Ted”, I said, “Dad’s asking if we want to stay here or move back to New Jersey?”
“You mean to our old friends and house?”
“Yes, I guess that’s exactly what he means.”
“What do you want to do Cin?”
“That’s easy, I love it here. I love my friends and I love where we live. If we moved back home how many friends would still be there? It’s been eight years Ted, things change.”
“But if we go back things will be the same again.”
“God, Ted, look at me. Do you really think things would still be the same? I’m your sister, not your brother anymore and think of the friends you have now. You go river rafting with them and skiing in the winter, you still play baseball and are really good at it, why would you want to move?”
“I don’t know?” Ted said as a tear ran down his cheek. “I just hoped things could return to normal and I wouldn’t feel so guilty about what happened to you.”
“Oh Ted, I love you and don’t feel guilty about me. I love who I became and I wouldn’t change a thing, unless………….I could have a twin sister,” I laughed.
“Ugh, no way.”
“So do we stay or do we go?” Dad asked.
“We stay,” we all shouted.
The group hug was kind of disgusting, Ted and I both needed showers but it felt good to have a life free from the danger we once had. Dad had built his business to the point where he had two carpenters working for him and money was no longer an issue as long as we watched what we spent. Thank you Wal-Mart.
Mom found a part time job, as a hostess for a local restaurant and her circle of friends seemed to grow every day.
Ted’s still growing and he’s several inches taller than me and hasn’t slowed one bit. As he’s grown he has also filled out and half the girls in school are in love with my brother, ewww.
As for me I had to bare my soul to Shannon about how I knew Agent Martinez. Obviously I left the change of sex out of the story but told her we moved here as part of witness protection. She thought that was the most exciting thing she ever heard. I love that girl to pieces and if it wasn’t for her I would have never been able to finish the journey I had so easily volunteered for. She taught me how to be a woman and I’ll never forget that. The thing is, she never knew she was giving me lessons every day. She still complains that I became more of a girly girl than her, not that either one of us really is. I guess it’s just a matter of your point of view. Maybe she’s more of a tomboy than me and we can’t see it.
Epilogue
Ivan Livens was free for almost a year. His hatred of my brother and me finally got him killed. He couldn’t stay away from trying to find the twins who had put him in prison. He found a pair of twins who looked much like Ted and I would have if we hadn’t changed.
I’m getting ahead of myself. When Ivan made his escape we thought his freedom would last several hours at the most, what with driving a pink Cadillac and all. Sadly he knew the car would get him arrested or killed so he drove into a driveway that led to a retired couples country home. It wasn’t one of those big estates, but a cottage filled with love as the two were living their dream of retirement.
He approached the front door claiming he was lost and wondered if they could help him. They were more than happy to invite him in so the husband could show him how to get to where he wanted to go. Once the door was shut he pulled his pistol and shot both the man and woman in the head. Their car was parked behind the house so he stole it. Being a dark blue Camry he blended in for two weeks before anyone thought to see why the Garsons hadn’t been seen. By the time the bodies were discovered, Ivan was in Los Angeles.
He got a lead on twin boys living in the Texas panhandle and paid a visit to their ranch. He drove up their driveway and saw the boys playing basketball in the front yard. These were the twins he thought and didn’t waste any time before he would dispatch them. Pulling his pistol from his holster, he walked toward the boys. The slamming of the car door caught their attention and they turned to see a strange man holding a pistol. They were fifty yards away and it would have been a difficult shot so he unwisely walked forward toward them. The same car door had alerted their father who was working on a piece of equipment in the barn, seeing the man and his gun shook their father to the bone. He had his hunting rifle, a 30.06 with him in the barn. He sighted through the scope and let fire. Ivan dropped in his tracks as the bullet entered his head and exited with a quarter of his brains. This was Western justice at its best. There would be no trial for Ivan nor would there be one for the rancher. It was determined the kill was well deserved.
I was in my sixteenth year when we found out what had happened to Ivan. Dad figured the news deserved a party so we had the first of many celebrations on the anniversary of Ivan’s death. Even our FBI handlers attended. We tried to get our doctors from Stanford to come by, but they all seemed to be busy. The only thing that hasn’t changed is that my brother and I are still identical twins but with a difference.
Edited by Di Wonder
Twisted
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This is a tease for my new novel Twisted
By
Arecee
Chapter one
The forest green Ford Explorer rolled west bound on I-80 and exited at the Truckee off ramp.
“I want to show you something very dear to me.”
“What’s that?” the model asked.
“The place was I spent much of my youth.”
The Explorer crossed over the highway and headed east on the old highway 40 toward the Truckee River. It came to a stop under an interstate bridge and the driver turned off the headlights and motor.
“Let me show you, this is where I fished when I was a child.”
The model exited the car and joined the driver.
“The air smells good,” the model said, as clean air with a touch of pine scent filled her nose. She felt the knife plunge into her shoulder. She screamed a high-pitched wail as the knife entered a second then a third time, a wail of death.
The driver pulled the body into the Explorer and laid it on a plastic sheet in the rear and closed the door.
“Bitch, the fucking bitch, no good whore,” the driver grumbled, as the engine started.
The car made a U turn and headed back to Truckee and the on ramp to I-80 east, toward Reno. The driver held the speedometer at 65. I can’t get stopped, take it easy, don’t do anything stupid.
The CHP cruiser was parked on the side of the highway taking radar readings when the Explorer went by. There were very few cars this time of night, and the ones that did come through were on their way to Reno, their owners wishing for good fortune at the gambling tables waiting to take their money.
“Might as well keep some of it in California,” the officer thought.
Sixty-five, the screen read, a perfect speed. Most cars flew though here at seventy and I won’t even bother them unless they’re going over seventy-five. The only ones this careful are usually drunk and put the car on cruise control. Maybe I’ll follow it for a while, the officer thought
The driver saw the CHP unit taking radar reads and cursed when the car’s lights went on and pulled onto the highway behind the Explorer. Beads of sweat formed on the driver’s forehead. Fuck, fuck, don’t panic, don’t screw up. The cruiser followed the Explorer for three miles and then the blue and red light bar flashed to life. The Explorer slowed and started to ease to the shoulder of the freeway. Much to the surprise of the driver, the Cruiser sped past into the night. The driver stopped the Explorer, shaking uncontrollably. The thoughts were always the same after each murder, “This has to stop, I can’t do this anymore,” but they continued.
Valedictorian
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This is the story of a boy who becomes the Valedictorian of his class with other changes along the way. There is some graphic violence done to a minor but is needed for the story line to make sense, please enjoy.
Valedictorian
By
Arecee
“Good afternoon graduating class of 2001. Today we are starting on a journey that we think we are prepared for, some of us are going to college and some into the work force. We hope that we are prepared for the future and the opportunities that will become available to us and that we will have the knowledge and foresight to make intelligent decisions. In twenty years we will return for our reunion and the stories we will hear will amaze us. Some will have gone on to become very successful and others not, but the most important thing is to be true to yourself and happy with your decisions. Hopefully your life will be influenced by the four years we had together and you will never forget your friends and teachers at our school. Good luck ladies and gentlemen of the graduating class of 2001.” So ended my speech to the graduating class at Tech High School.
My name is Linda Friedman and I am the class valedictorian of 2001. I achieved this honor by getting straight A grades in all four years of high school. I wouldn’t have accomplished this if it hadn’t been for my foster mother Peaches Friedman. We had made a deal when I was in seventh grade that turned my life around forever, but I’m getting ahead of my self so let me start at the beginning.
I was born June 8, 1983 in San Jose, California. My mom and dad named me William Patrick Jones. My mom was Mexican and my dad was French, hence my olive complexion and fine features.
My early years were very happy as my mom was always at home to care for me while my dad worked. I still remember my fifth birthday party because my mom hired a clown to entertain my guests and it was the happiest time of my young life.
Later that year my mom and dad went out to celebrate their wedding anniversary and never came home again. They were killed by a drunk driver on their way home from the restaurant.
My parents were both orphans so there was no immediate family. I was placed in a foster home and at five years old I couldn’t understand what had happened to my parents and why they had abandoned me.
My foster mom was Belinda Smith, a single mother with a daughter named Jenny. Jenny was also five years old and we liked each other the first time we met. Belinda was a very caring mother to Jenny and I liked her as soon as I met her. She always would look after me as only a mother could and a fondness soon grew in my heart.
Belinda would walk Jenny and I to and from kindergarten and when we reached home we would play, Jenny with her dolls and I would play with my cars and other boy toys.
I had been living with them for about a month and kept asking her when my parents were going to come for me.
“Bill honey you’re mom and dad won’t be coming for you because God wanted them to come and live with him and they can’t come back,” Belinda tried to explain.
“I don’t understand why can’t they come back for me?” I asked.
“Sweetheart it’s because the only way you can be with God is to die and because some person killed your mom and dad in an accident and they were good people they went to live with God.”
“Why can’t I go to live with my mom and dad and God?”
“Because God has plans for you and wants you to be here.”
I finally realized that I would never see my mom and dad again and started to cry. Belinda took me in her arms and held and comforted me until I stopped crying. I felt so safe in her arms that I knew she would never let anything bad happen to me. I continued to cry almost everyday for about a month and Belinda would always comfort me without complaining. Because of this I built a trust in her and knew that she would always be there if I needed her.
After about four months Jenny and I came home from school and she wanted to play dress up. She told me that she had always wanted a sister to play with and asked me if I would pretend to be a girl. I told her I would since no one would know and that she would have to play cars with me sometime. She agreed with my request to play with my cars but only after we played house. She had me remove my all clothes and said that I had to be a real girl and wear all girl clothes. She handed me a pair of panties, an undershirt with lace trim and a dress to wear. She then added some frilly socks and Mary Janes for my feet.
She looked at me and exclaimed; “Now I have a sister to play with.”
We played house the whole afternoon with dolls and Jenny’s play kitchen set. I found that it was fun being a girl.
Belinda came home from work and giggled when she saw me. The baby sitter left and Belinda said, “Well it looks like I have two daughters, what’s your name new daughter?”
“I know mom, let’s call her Linda, that’s almost like your name,” said Jenny.
“Linda it is,” answered Belinda, “So how do you like being Jenny’s sister Linda?”
“Oh it’s fun mom, especially getting dressed up, I love these clothes.”
“Did you call me mom, Linda?”
“Yes, I didn’t think you would mind.”
“Of course I don’t mind, I love you Bill or Linda which ever you want to be.”
That was the beginning of my life as Linda. Everyday Jenny and I would become sisters and I loved it. I wished I could be a girl at school also but Belinda said that the people at school wouldn’t understand it if I were to dress as a girl, so everyday we would rush home and I would change into Linda. Jenny would let me wear all of her clothes, sometimes dresses and other times shorts and pants although I think I liked wearing dresses best. The funny thing about all this was that Jenny and I never did play with my cars together, in fact I don’t think I ever did myself, dolls were more fun.
One day Belinda came home and looked at me and said it was about time for me to have my own girl’s clothes and we were going shopping. My hair had grown long enough for Belinda to style it into one that belonged on a girl. Belinda brushed it out and I looked like a six-year-old girl. I wore some of Jenny’s clothes and looked like a cute little girl going out on her first shopping trip to the mall.
Jenny, Belinda and I shopped for most of the day. Belinda bought me jeans and shorts, blouses and sweaters, skirts and dresses, panties and socks, and then shoes to go with my clothes. My favorite dress was a pretty party dress with lots of petticoats. It was a light yellow and it made me look so pretty. I got to wear it to church with my new stockings and mary janes. All the people there think I’m a girl since the only time I dress as a boy is when I go to school. I love my new clothes and the best part is that they are mine. Jenny and I still share but it is more fun now because I can share my clothes with Jenny and her with me. I love being a girl and wish I didn’t have to change back to being a boy when I went to school, the boy clothes feel so nasty.
Christmas finally came and Jenny and I both received Barbie dolls for gifts. We had so much fun playing with them; I guess we really are sisters. We also got new shoes with one-inch heels. They made us feel like big girls, it was so much fun.
Time passed and it was summer. School was out which meant that I was a girl all the time, no more boy. Belinda took us camping by a lake and bought me a cute two-piece bathing suit. It was pink and white and I wore it all the time. When we returned to the city I had a bikini tan, it looked so cute. My hair has grown really long and Belinda says that I should have it cut. I pleaded with her to please let me keep it long so she said I could but we would have to style it because it looked shaggy. Belinda worked with it and it looked much better after she did.
The years passed and as I grew Belinda would always replace my clothes as I grew out of them. I love her so much and l and I love being her daughter. Jenny and I are best friends and inseparable, we do everything together. We finally discovered makeup and play with it all the time. I makeup Jen and she makes me up, we’re so silly but I guess this is how we learn to become women.
I was almost ten years old when Belinda’s ex-husband began seeing her again and they decided to remarry.
Jenny and I would be bride’s maids so Belinda bought us both pretty new dresses for the ceremony. I loved the feel of the dress especially the material. It was very sheer and I wore my first slip under it, I felt like such a big girl. Belinda also bought us satin panties and real nylons and sandals with one and a half inch heels. Jenny and I were in seventh heaven especially when Belinda put some mascara on our lashes. We felt like we were floating on clouds and felt so mature. I loved the feel of my new clothes and knew that I wanted to be a girl forever, actually I was a girl, a girl pretending to be a boy.
Belinda’s husband moved in and declared that we were going to move to Kansas. Belinda took me aside and told me that her husband wanted just her and Jenny to move with him and that I was going to have to move to a new foster home. I was dumb struck
I looked at her and asked, “Why can’t I go too, you’re my mom now and Jen is my sister. I love you, how can you do this to me?”
“Oh I love you too but Jenny’s father says that he doesn’t want to bring you with us and since he is my husband I have to respect his wishes. I have already called social services and they said that they have found a new home for you.”
My eyes began to fill with tears as I realized that I was going to lose another mother and this time I would lose a sister, a sister and my best friend. I collapsed on the floor as the devastation hit, tears flowing from my eyes.
Belinda reached for me to comfort me hugging me tightly to her bosom. I felt her begin to heave as her tears began to flow, both of us knowing that this would be the last time she would comfort me like this, a mother with her daughter.
I was to move the following week so Belinda packed all my clothes, my Bill clothes and my Linda clothes, she also packed my Barbie collection as it was the toy I played with constantly.
The day I was to leave arrived and Belinda, Jenny and I hugged each other and cried until the social worker took me away. I don’t think I have ever been so heart broken.
The social worker brought me to my new home and introduced me to Dave and Millie Jackson. They showed me to my room and I unpacked my clothes and put them away being careful to hang them so they wouldn’t wrinkle, especially my brides maid dress because it was so sheer and feminine looking and it was my favorite. I went out to talk to the Jacksons but they were watching television and told me not to bother them. It was getting late and we hadn’t eaten yet so I asked if it would be all right to eat. Dave was drinking beer and was a little drunk and yelled at me to get something out of the refrigerator. I went into the refrigerator and found some left over spaghetti and ate it. I couldn’t help but notice how filthy everything was as Belinda was very immaculate and so I wasn’t used to dirt and grease everywhere.
I felt very lonely and went to bed. I changed into my nightgown and it made me feel better. It reminded me of the fun I had with Jenny and I hoped that the Jacksons would allow me to wear my girl clothes. I fell into a fitful sleep and dreamed of Jenny and Belinda.
It was summer and school hadn’t started yet so I was at home with no one to play with. I went to my room and started to play with my Barbie dolls. Dave came into my room and saw me. He had already started drinking and was in a mean mood.
He looked at me and said, “What the hell are you doing playing with those dolls?”
I looked up at him and said innocently, “I like playing with them.”
“Well no boy living in this house is going to play with dolls so get rid of them.”
I was shocked at what he just said, these were my dolls and I would play with them if I wished.
“No,” I replied, “They’re mine and I’ll play with them if I want to.”
“Give me those fucking things and I’ll throw them out myself.”
“No, you can’t they’re mine,” I screamed.
With that Dave slapped my face and yelled, “Don’t talk to me like that you little shit or I’ll kick your ass, do you understand?”
I started to cry and answered, “Yes.”
Dave then took all my whole Barbie collection and threw it away; I was devastated, how could he do that to me, God how I hate him.
Dave came back into the room and said, “Get off your lazy ass and start cleaning the apartment.”
I started cleaning and I couldn’t believe how dirty everything was. There was grease and dirt everywhere, it was disgusting. Dave walked into the room with another beer in his hand and looked at me with a sneer and said, “Hurry up you’re going to slow,” and then he kicked me right in the butt.
I started to cry it hurt so bad.
“Quit crying you little asshole, the only reason you’re here is so we can collect our monthly check from social services. If you think you’re going to live here and play, you have another thing coming, so stop your fucking crying,” he slurred.
I kept working until Millie came home and prepared dinner, actually she cut the pizza and that was it. She had been drinking and was pretty wasted. She and Dave got into a fight so I left and went to my bedroom and changed into my girl clothes. Several hours past and I fell asleep with my blouse, shorts, socks and Mary Janes on. I had styled my hair like when I was with Jenny. I awoke when I felt a slap across my face. I opened my eyes just as Dave started to swing his fist at me, but he was so drunk I was able to move out of the way before he hit me.
“What the fuck do we have here some little girl or should I say some little faggot?”
“I’m not a faggot, I just want to be a girl more than anything and I want you to leave me alone,” I cried.
“So you want to be a girl, well I’m going to teach you a lesson you little pervert and when I’m done you will wish you were never born.”
He reached down and grabbed me and pulled me out into the other room to show me to Millie.
“Look at this little pervert,” he slurred, “He says he wants to be a girl, well when I’m done with him he will never want to be a girl again.”
Dave threw me on the floor and kicked me in the balls, not once but five times. It hurt so bad that I vomited.
“Look at the mess you made you little bastard, I want you to lick it up like a dog.”
He pushed my face down into the vomit and told me to lick it. I couldn’t so he pulled me up and began to beat me all over my body and face. When he finally stopped; blood was running from my nose and lip.
“Now take off those girly clothes and bring all of them to me so I can throw them away you faggot.”
I could barely move I hurt so bad. I went to my room and removed my clothes. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw bruises everywhere. The thing that scared me more than anything was my ball sack. It had turned purple and hurt more than anything I had felt before. I took all my girl clothes and handed them to Dave. He took them and started to rip them to shreds.
“Please don’t do that,” I cried, “Please don’t.”
I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. I walked to my room and cried myself to sleep.
I awoke a few hours later when Dave crashed to the floor in his drunken stupor while he was trying to go to bed. I still hurt all over my body and felt sick to my stomach. I decided that I would run away as I could no longer live in situation like this, I would rather be dead.
I waited until I heard them both snoring. I put on my clothes and slipped from the apartment. My body hurt all over and I had difficulty walking. I walked to an all night service station and waited until a pickup truck stopped for gas. The owner of the truck went into the service station to pay for his gas and while his back was turned I crawled into the back of the truck and covered myself with a tarp. He came out and drove off without noticing me. He drove for about an hour before he parked his truck. He opened the door, exited and then locked it and went into an apartment. I got out of the truck and looked around. I was on a street with a lot of bars and people were walking everywhere.
I tried to walk but I hurt so bad that all I could do was go into a doorway and sit down. I began to think about what I was going to do. I couldn’t go to the police because they would send me back to the Jackson’s and I would be beaten again. I realized that I had no place to go and I didn’t know anyone other than my friends at school and if the police found me they would send me back to social services. I started to cry, here I was barely ten years old and alone in a city and I didn’t even know what city it was. I heard a girl walking down the street in high heels and looked up with a tear stained and battered face.
“Oh my God,” she exclaimed, “What happened to you, you poor little thing?”
I looked at her and cried even harder. She reached down and helped me up and pulled me to her breast to comfort me. I was finally able to calm down enough to explain to her that my foster parents had beaten me like this.
“Why didn’t you call the police?” she asked.
“Because they would send me back and I would get another beating,” I replied.
I suddenly felt faint and almost fell over. I sat back down and started to shake.
“You wait here,” the girl said, “I’m going to get my car and bring you to my place so I can see what they did to you.”
The girl left and returned about ten minutes later with her car. She came over to me and helped me to get into the car. I looked at her and saw that she was very pretty. She was wearing a mini skirt and a low cut blouse, her heels were very high. I looked at her and wished that I could be like her one day.
“Tell me why your foster parents beat you like this,” she asked with an edge in her voice.
I sat quietly for several minutes trying to collect my thoughts and how I was going to explain to a stranger why I was beaten so badly. I could tell that this woman was very concerned for my well being so I felt that I might as well tell her the truth as to why I ended up this way.
I started, “I had just moved in with the Jackson’s a few days ago and they made it plain that I was there so they could receive a payment from the county. I had to clean and take care of myself and them from the minute I arrived. I would have been okay with that if they were loving but they were just drunks. I would go to my room and play with my Barbie dolls but when Dave found out about them he threw them out. When I fell asleep with my girl clothes on and he found me like that he beat me and threw all my girls clothes out, so I ran away because I didn’t want to be beaten again.”
“Why did you have girls clothes to wear?” she asked.
“I had them because of a game Jenny and I played.” I responded.
“Who’s Jenny?” she asked.
“Jenny was my foster sister. My parents died when I was five years old and Jenny and Belinda became my foster family. One day Jenny and I were playing and she wanted me to wear her clothes and pretend that I was her sister so we did. We had so much fun that we did play like sisters every day. I ended up being like a sister to her and Belinda decided that I should have my own girl’s clothes if I was going to be Jenny’s sister. I told Belinda that I wanted to be a girl more than anything so she allowed me to be a girl all the time except when I went to school. I got to be a girl for the last four years until Belinda married her old husband and she and Jenny moved back to Kansas and her husband didn’t want me to live with them and that’s why they sent me to another foster home and that’s when Dave beat me,” I explained as I broke down in tears once again.
We arrived at her apartment. It was in a really nice neighborhood. There was a park across the street from the entrance. The girl brought me inside her apartment and had me lay in her bed.
“Do you still want to be a girl after being beat up like this?” she asked.
“More that anything,” I answered.
“What’s your name?” she asked.
“Bill,” I replied.
I mean your girls name,” she said.
“It’s Linda,” I answered.
“You look terrible Linda, I want you to take off your clothes so I can see how badly you are injured.”
“You called me Linda, why?”
“You would prefer that wouldn’t you?”
“Oh yes I would,” I replied.
“Now let me look at you. Oh by the way my name is Peaches.”
I removed my clothes and Peaches looked at me and gasped.
“My God look at you, you’re a mess. Your foster parents did some severe damage to you. I’m going to call a very good friend of mine to look at you. He’s a doctor and I want him to examine you. You don’t have to worry about him saying anything to anyone about you so you can trust him. I want you to rest now, you’re safe here with me.”
Peaches reached for the phone and dialed her friend’s number.
“Bob, hi it’s Peaches. I have an emergency in my apartment and I need you to come over right now, please hurry.”
About a half of an hour past and the doorbell rang. Peaches had been trying to comfort me but I still felt terrible. She went over to the door and escorted a man into the apartment.
“Thank God you came, I have something to show you.”
Peaches and the man came into the apartment.
“Linda this is Bob, he’s a friend of mine and he is a doctor. I want him to look at you to see how much damage was done to you. Bob this is Linda and she was very severely beaten tonight by her foster father. It looks like there might be some severe injury to her, that’s why I called you.”
Bob looked at me and said, “Hi Linda, let me take a look at you, I won’t hurt you.”
Bob started examining me. First he looked at my nose and mouth and then my body. When he reached my scrotum he gasped. He took it in his hand and felt it asking if this hurt or that hurt. I pretty much hurt all over but certain things he did hurt more that others, one of them being my scrotum. He finally finished and talked to Peaches.
“Peaches this little boy has been severely injured, most of the bruises and bleeding will heel with a little rest but I’m mostly concerned about the injury to his testicles. He really should be in the hospital but I think you can care for him. When he was kicked in the groin it caused internal bleeding. This bleeding has stopped but I think the damage to his testicles may cause sterility but only time will tell. I have to ask you who he is and why do you call him Linda?”
“I’ll explain later and as for his name he wants to be a girl and that was the reason for his beating. I thought that calling him by his preferred name would help him feel better.”
“Okay, I’m going to leave now but I will check back with you tomorrow. I’m going to give you a mild sedative to give him so he can rest. Only give him a pill if he is in a lot of pain, I don’t want you to abuse them. I’ll see you later, don’t worry, everything will be fine,” he said as he left.
Peaches pulled the covers over me and gave me one of the pills so I would be able to sleep. I drifted off and slept until morning. The pain from the beating woke me and I saw Peaches sitting next to the bed. She looked like she hadn’t slept all night. She looked at me and smiled.
“Well my little one you look much better this morning, how do you feel?”
“I hurt but not as bad as last night. Did you sleep last night?”
“No, I wanted to make sure you were all right. Are you hungry? I’ll get something for you to eat, I’ll be right back.”
Peaches left the room to get me some breakfast. I looked around and noticed how pretty her room was. Her bed was so warm and comfortable that it made me feel secure and safe. Peaches returned with a tray, a bowl of fresh fruit and a glass of orange juice.
“Here let me put this pillow under you so it will be easier to sit up, if it hurts let me know.”
Peaches put the pillow under my shoulders and I was able to sit up without too much pain.
As I ate Peaches continued to look at me and finally asked, “Linda can you tell me more about your feelings of wanting to be a girl. It is very important to me to know why you feel the way you do.”
I looked at her and wondered how I could answer a question like that; I only knew that I was meant to be a girl. I felt that Peaches meant no harm to me so I started at the beginning.
“It all started the first time Jenny dressed me in her clothes. When she put them on me it felt so right and I realized that I wanted to be just like her. As time went by I began to think of myself as a girl and not as the boy I really was. At school I would always play with the girls even though the boys made fun of me but I didn’t care because I knew Jenny would protect me from them. We were best friends and sisters. I loved it when Belinda would take Jenny and me shopping for new clothes before school started. We would shop all day trying on clothes at almost every store in the mall. The clerks assumed that Belinda was a mother with two daughters on a mission to renew her girl’s wardrobes. I loved it and that was when I came to the realization that I was meant to be a girl. I hated having to wear my boy clothes to school and couldn’t wait to get home to become the real me.”
“It sounds to me that you really do want to be a girl and I’ve been thinking about it all night. After seeing the beating you got from Dave you can’t go back to his home again. I’ve also considered what might happen if I called child protective services to have you placed in a new home and explained to them that you are a boy but you want to be a girl. They probably wouldn’t be able to place you in a home that would accept you as Linda. I think that maybe you can stay with me until we figure out what to do with you. Since you have no clothes to wear I’m going to go shopping for some clothing to wear for the time being. While I’m gone I want you to rest.”
“Thank you Peaches, you’re so nice to me,” I said as a tear fell from my eye.
Peaches hugged me and then went to change her clothes and leave to go shopping. I fell back asleep and didn’t wake up until Peaches returned. Her friend the doctor was with her.
“Linda I brought Dr. Bob back with me to look at you again to see how you are doing.”
“Let me take a look at you Linda. How do you feel today?”
“Much better, but I’m still very sore.”
“I have to look at you more closely so you will have to remove your underwear.”
Dr. Bob looked at me from head to toe and then he felt my scrotum. He squeezed very gently but it still hurt very badly.
“The damage to your testicles is very severe Linda and you are too young to understand what that means at your age, but it could mean that you might not develop properly into a man when you get older. I will have to monitor your development over the next few years and we might have to give you some medications to help you develop the way you should.”
I didn’t really understand what Dr. Bob was talking about and I hoped that Peaches could explain to me what he meant.
Dr. Bob left and Peaches showed me the clothes that she bought for me. She opened the first bag and took out an undershirt, a girl’s undershirt, and the several pairs of panties and frilly socks. The second bag had a blouse and shorts, and the final bag had girl’s jeans, a simple dress and a nightgown.
I looked at Peaches and exclaimed, “These are all girls clothes!”
“Of course they are Linda, what else would they be, you are a girl aren’t you?”
I looked at the clothes and then at Peaches and felt the tears begin to form in my eyes. She came over to me and gave me the tenderest hug, I felt so snug and secure in her arms that I never wanted to leave her.
Several weeks past and I felt much better other than my ball sack, which hurt anytime I touched it. Peaches would mother me constantly which also helped heal my mind because not only was my body injured but my mental health was also. We would talk and Peaches would fret over me all the time and we finally came around to discussing my future. Peaches thought it would be a good idea for me to live with her from now on. When she said that I thought I would hug her to death, as she was the closest thing to a real mother I could have.
It was almost the middle of July and she said that I had to enroll for school. Peaches took me shopping for new clothes because she said that her daughter wasn’t going to school looking like a ragamuffin. When we had finished I had enough clothes to last a month with out wearing the same thing twice.
It was a Wednesday and Peaches took me to the registrar of schools to enroll me. She had me wear a dress socks and my pair of Mary Janes.
We walked in and Peaches said, “I want to enroll my niece in school this fall.”
The registrar looked up and said, “Where did she go to school last year?”
“She was home schooled by my brother and sister-in-law. They were killed in an accident last spring so Linda came to live with me.”
“Well in that case we will have to test her to see what grade level she should be and you have to take her in for a physical. When that is done we can enroll her.”
I couldn’t believe my ears, we could enroll her, not him but her, and I guess I was really going to be Linda after all.
“When can the testing be done?” asked Peaches.
“Next week in room 201 at 10:00 in the morning.”
“Thank you we will be there.”
Peaches and I left and I looked up at her and asked, “Does this mean that I get to go to school as a girl?”
“Of course it does, you are a girl aren’t you?”
I reached over to Peaches and hugged her and thanked her for being so understanding.
“I love you Peaches,” I said.
“I love you too Linda.”
Dr. Bob gave me a check up and said I was fit for school. He marked female on the form so I would be able to attend school as a girl. I took my tests and entered school in the fifth grade.
The day before school was to begin Peaches sat down with me and had a mother daughter talk.
“Linda you are going to start school tomorrow and I want you to be the best student you can be. You are a very pretty young lady and when you get older boys will be after you for dates and things like that and you will be very tempted to want to be with them and unfortunately if you do your grades will suffer if you get caught up in that kind of life style. I want you to rely on your brains not your looks so I want you to study as hard as you can. When you come home I will help you with your homework each night so you can be the best in your class. Do we have a deal?”
“Yes, I promise not to let you down, I will be the best daughter I can be.”
School started and I was the new girl in the class. The kids were very nice to me. I met one girl named Lisa and we kind of paired off together. She is very nice and I think we may become friends. The boys really acted stupid around me, if they knew I was really one of them I’m sure they would have acted differently. My teacher is very nice and I think she is being extra helpful to me because I’m new in this school.
The weeks have past and Lisa has become a very close friend. I also have made another friend, her name is Gail, and the three of us are always together. Lisa told me that this boy Ron has a crush on me and I notice he acts really stupid around me, but he is kind of cute. My schoolwork is going very well as I have an A in all my subjects. Peaches is very proud of my studies and tells all her friends about my grades.
Dr. Bob came by and gave me another examination and said that my testicles haven’t improved at all, in fact he thinks they have gotten worse with time. He told Peaches if they didn’t start to improve in the next three or four months they should be removed so that they don’t create an infection that might threaten my life. Peaches looked sick when he said that. I asked her what was wrong and she told me what Dr. Bob said. I looked at her and asked what difference that would make.
“Linda without your testicles you won’t mature into a man when it is time.”
“I don’t want to be a man, I want to be a girl.”
“If that’s what you want then I guess it wouldn’t make a difference but we had better wait as long as possible because this isn’t an operation that can be reversed and only we will have to see as time goes on.”
Time did go on and I had the highest grade point average in my class. Peaches and I do my homework every night together like she said we would, I love living with her, and she’s like a real mother to me. My girl friends and I talk every night on the phone but only after I have all my homework done. We talk about dolls and clothes, and how a few of the girls are already starting to develop. We also talk about the boys and what dorks they are but some are kind of cute.
Lisa asked if I could sleep over at her house, so I asked Peaches. She said I could but only after she met her parents. Peaches met her parents and she seemed all right with them so I was finally able to sleep over. We had so much fun. Peaches bought me a new nightgown, it was a baby doll with lots of frills, and it was so cute. Lisa loved it and asked her mom if she could have one just like it. We laughed and giggled all night long; we tried to see who could stay awake the longest. I think Lisa won but she thought I won so maybe we both just passed out at the same time. Peaches picked me up the next morning and I passed out as soon as I sat in the car. I tried to stay up after we got home but I was like a zombie I was so tired.
I woke the next morning and my ball sack really hurt. Peaches called Dr. Bob to come and look at me. Dr. Bob examined me and told Peaches that what he had feared had come true. My testicles had become inflamed and they should be removed. Peaches asked if anything else could be done. He said that anything else would just be temporary and that the operation would eventually have to be done. He said that I would have to take antibiotics until the infection was gone and then he could do the surgery. He then mentioned that while he was doing the surgery he could construct a vagina since I wanted to be a girl and my penis would be useless other than to urinate.
Dr. Bob left and Peaches had another mother daughter talk with me.
“Linda honey, Bob told me what he wants to do with you. You have a very serious infection that was caused by the damage to your ball sack. There are glands in the sack called testicles that will produce a hormone called testosterone; this is the hormone that will make you into a man. Because of your injury your glands were severely damaged and will never produce this hormone. They have become infected and you will have to take some antibiotics to clear up the infection. After the infection is gone Dr. Bob wants to remove your testicles so they won’t become infected again. He also told me that if you wanted he could also do some other surgery to make you a girl. You see girls have a vagina instead of a penis and if you want to be a girl then you will want to have a vagina. If you have one, then you won’t have to worry about someone accidentally finding out that you are really a boy, so what would you like to do, would you like a vagina?”
“Oh Peaches yes I want to be a girl, oh yes, but won’t the operation hurt?”
“Yes it will hurt but only for a little while but it will make you very happy that you decided to have it done. The happiness you will get is worth the pain and it won’t last that long.”
“Peaches I love you, how do you know so much about the operation?”
“That was something I wanted to wait to tell you when you were older, but I guess now is the best time. I was born a boy just like you and my name was Earl Friedman. Twelve years ago when I was eighteen I told my mother and father that I wanted to be a girl and I had been dressing as one for several years. I had even found a way to get hormones that would help me develop as a girl. My family was very wealthy and prominent in the community. They went crazy when I told them and my father kicked me out of the house. I ran away to San Francisco and started to live full time as a girl. I was very pretty and was able to make money as a prostitute. I developed a nice figure but I wanted more. That’s when I met Dr. Bob. He has always been sympathetic to transgendered people. He made sure that I was on the proper dosage of hormones and then when I wanted larger breasts he gave me implants. My business increased and I was able to save enough money to have my sex change operation, which Dr. Bob did for me. After that we became very good friends and he found me a job so I wouldn’t have to work in the streets again. About five years ago my mother and father died in a climbing accident in Nepal and since I was an only child I inherited their fortune. I bought this apartment building and live off the rents. I still like to go down to Polk Street where I found you and visit my friends. It’s fun to dress trashy once in a while and that is why I had on that mini skirt, five-inch heels and that blouse that barely covered anything. It was the best thing in the world that I found you, because now it’s like I have my very own daughter.”
“Do you mean you were a boy like me once?”
“Yes I was, only you are so much younger than I was when I became a girl that it will be easier for you. It was much harder for me because of my age and some of development that puberty brought to me but with you there will be no masculine traits to overcome.”
“But Peaches you’re so pretty, what do you mean masculine traits?”
I had a light beard and a deeper voice then I have now. I had to have electrolysis to remove my facial hair and I had to learn how to talk all over again. I had to learn how to be a woman, but since you are so young and are being raised as a girl you will only be a girl.”
“Thank you Peaches, would it be all right if I called you mom?”
“Oh Linda that would be greatest compliment you could give me, yes you can call me mom.”
Peaches looked at me and started to cry.
“Peaches, what’s wrong?” I asked.
“Linda you just made me the happiest woman in the world.”
A month had past and I was scheduled for my operation. Peaches told the school that I would not be able to attend school for health reasons. She told them that I had to have corrective surgery on my back so there would be no questions later.
I went into the hospital and I was more than a little scared. Dr. Bob saw the worried expression on my face and told me not to be afraid and that everything would be all right. The nurse gave me a shot and when I awoke I was in my hospital room. The nurse came in and told me that the operation was a success. I was now Linda Friedman, female.
I returned to school a month later as my operation was healing well. I had kept up on my studies at home and had maintained an A average. My girl friends were so excited to see me again that they kept hugging me over and over, God I love being a girl. After we had caught up on all the latest gossip we were planning our next sleep over. I guess some things never change and I’m glad they don’t.
Several years past and I was finally twelve years old. Lisa and I have become best friends and we are together constantly. Lisa is also a very good student so Peaches doesn’t mind if I hang out with her since she isn’t a bad influence on me.
We were at her home one-day and she looked at me and said, “Linda I think my breasts are starting to grow. They seem to itch all the time and they seem very sensitive to the touch. I like the feelings I get when I caress them, have yours’ started to grow yet?”
“I don’t think so but I hope they do soon, I don’t want to be flat all my life,” I said as we both giggled.
“Did you notice Gail, she must have started developing last year because you can really notice them now. She’s already wearing a bra, she’s so lucky, the boys are always teasing her, they’re such jerks, she thinks they’re cute, I don’t get it,” Lisa said with exasperation in her voice.
“I don’t get it either, boys are really dumb,” I answered.
When I got home I had a spark in my brain about my development and had a conversation with Peaches.
“Mom,” I started, “Lisa is starting to develop her breasts and I was wondering when I would start to grow them too?”
“Gosh Linda you are twelve now so I guess you should start soon as most girls your age are beginning to go through puberty and become young women. I will call Dr. Bob tomorrow to see what he might suggest. You will have to pursue a different coarse then your friends because you don’t have ovaries to produce the right hormones to become a woman. If Dr. Bob prescribes hormones for you they will be something that you will have to take for the rest of your life but it is worth it, as you wouldn’t become a woman without them. I’ll see if he can start them soon.”
Peaches made an appointment for me to see Dr. Bob. When we arrived at his office the nurse had me take all of my clothes off and put on one of those gowns that tie in the back. I hate those things, as it seems that a cool breeze blows right up my behind. Dr. Bob came into the examination room and had me lie on a table that had stirrups on it. He had me place my feet in the stirrups and examined my pussy. He is very gentle with me but it feels weird when he inserts his instruments into me so he can examine my girl parts.
“Linda you look really good down there, pretty much like any other girl your age. No one would ever know that you were born a boy. Peaches told me that you were concerned about your development into a young woman.”
“Yes I am because all my girl friends are developing breasts and I haven’t started yet.”
“That’s because you aren’t able to make estrogen by yourself. Your girl friends have ovaries that make estrogen and also produce eggs and they can become pregnant if they were to have unprotected sex with a boy. Since you don’t have ovaries you can never become pregnant but you also can’t make estrogen for yourself so I’m going to give you a starter shot today and prescribe some pills for you that I want you to take once in the morning and once at night. Since you are young and have no testosterone in your system I will prescribe a mild dose of hormones so you will develop slowly into a young woman. You won’t feel anything for about three or four months but there is no rush, and I don’t want you to have unprotected sex even though you can’t get pregnant, in fact I would rather you wait until you get much older before you experiment with sex. Some of your girl friends will start having intercourse soon just to be popular with guys but the boys won’t respect them and I have much higher hopes for you then being some boys’ plaything. I feel almost like a father to you because I was here for the birth of Linda and as such I feel very protective toward you. When the hormones kick in you will have a very strong attraction for boys and I want you to keep control of your emotions and not confuse sex for love as they are both different feelings that can become inter-mixed and believe me you will have a very difficult time controlling your feelings when a boy excites you, but enough of the for lecture today, now give me a hug and get dressed so you can go home.”
I felt so much better knowing that I was finally going to start developing and better still that Dr. Bob thought of me as a daughter. Dr. Bob gave me my first hormone shot and then Peaches and I went to the pharmacy to fill my prescription.
Three months past and I noticed that my nipples were becoming sore and very sensitive if anything touched them. I mentioned it to Peaches and she smiled and told me it was time for a training bra. Lisa and I both had training bras now and we felt so hot and grown up, so mature, so womanly, so sexy, until Gail had to pop our bubble.
Gail looked at us and said, “I have a real bra with A cups not one of those little girl things, that’s why the boys like me.”
We felt like little girls all over again. Things that other kids say can be so cruel.
The bra did make my nipples feel better though and I knew that I would eventually wear a real bra also. Lisa and I also didn’t think the boys were so dorky anymore. We started to notice which ones were cute and which one weren’t. We also wished they would ask us out as though our mothers would let us date.
The months past and we found ourselves in eighth grade. My breasts have grown to an A cup and don’t show any signs of stopping. Peaches bought me my first real bra and wow what a difference it made from the trainer. It made me look as though I really had breasts, which I did, wow. The bra is made of cotton with a little lace on the edge. Peaches told me that I wasn’t old enough for some of the other bras I wanted but that I would be able to have them when the situation warranted.
Our school is going to have a spring dance for eighth grade students only and I’m really excited about it. Peaches took me shopping for a dress to wear and for one of those bras that I wanted so badly. She took me to Victoria’s’ Secret and bought me a bra made of nothing but satin and lace, it felt so soft and sexy that I didn’t want to take it off. Peaches explained that it was for special occasions like the dance and not for everyday wear. It was to make you feel special for your date and to feel special about yourself. Peaches also bought me panties to match the bra; I love having her as my mother.
The big night finally arrived and I wanted to look as good as possible. I took a bubble bath with scented bath beads so I would smell sexy. I shaved my legs and underarms so I would be smooth to the touch. I donned my new bra and panties, panty hose, a slip and my new dress. I had to wear flats as Peaches said I wasn’t old enough for heels. I whined that some of my girl friends were wearing heels and that it wasn’t fair that I had to wear flats. She explained that sometimes life isn’t fair but she was the mother and I was going to wear flats or tennis shoes, my choice. I decided flats would be better looking and as much as I hated to admit Peaches was right, I was to young for heels just yet. Peaches did allow me to wear some lipstick and mascara however.
Lisa’s mom drove us to the dance, as she was a chaperone that evening.
This was a normal eighth grade dance with the boys standing on one side of the room and the girls on the other until one of the boys got enough nerve to ask a girl to dance. Lance asked me to dance, he’s so cute. We danced four fast dances and one slow dance. I liked the way it felt when he held me tight and I could feel him rubbing against my breasts. I could tell he liked it too because I could fell him getting hard against my stomach.
Lance asked me to go steady so I said all right. When the dance was over he kissed me, wow did I like that.
When I got home I told Peaches all about the dance and my first kiss. She smiled and said that I was becoming a young lady but she also told me not to be too easy or I would get a reputation and she didn’t want that. She also told me that my first responsibility was my grades. I told her that I would not have a problem with school so she need not worry.
The year past and I graduated from middle school and was to enter high school. Lance and I broke up after two weeks and I had no boy friend. I really didn’t care because school was so important to me and I couldn’t let Peaches down after all she had done for me.
I’m still developing my figure, I’m wearing a B cup bra and it is getting tight, I hope I don’t grow too much larger although it does seem to attract boys. Lisa says that she has stopped growing; she really looks hot because her mom lets her wear more makeup than me.
School is going to start in a week and Peaches made an appointment for me to have my hair done and my eyebrows shaped. When they were done I didn’t look like a little girl anymore, I looked like a very attractive young woman.
Peaches then gave me another mother daughter talk.
“Linda you are becoming a very pretty young lady and the boys that you will meet in high school are much more experienced than you so you will have to be careful when you are with them. They have one thing on there minds and it’s not to just hold hands. At your age you are very vulnerable to your feelings and an older more experienced boy can seduce you easily. I want you to be careful. You don’t have to worry about becoming pregnant but you do have to worry about AIDS and other disease. If you ever have sex with a boy make sure he wears a condom. The last thing is your school work, I don’t want it to suffer because of a boy, okay?”
“Oh mom you don’t have to worry I don’t even have a boy friend yet.”
“You don’t because you haven’t been to school yet, just wait until the boys see you, they will be chasing like crazy so don’t get caught up with being popular enjoy school and all the new friends you are going to meet but remember grades come first.”
“I will, thanks mom.”
School started and Peaches was right, the boys were all over me. I was very flattered by the attention and I must have given my phone number to at least a dozen different guys. I met lots of new kids but Lisa is still my best friend. I joined some clubs at school and was nominated for vice President of the freshman class. I won the election and Peaches was so proud of me. The guys started to call a lot so Peaches told me that I would not be able to take calls until all my homework was done and no calls after 9:30 in the evening, I told her that was all right with me because I didn’t want my grades to suffer.
I was asked to go to the homecoming dance by a junior boy. His name is Tony and he is really cute.
I went shopping with Peaches for a new dress to wear to the dance. Since this was my first high school dance I wanted to look special.
We went to Nordstrom’s and I found a cute little dress that went to mid thigh and had a scooped neckline, I tried it on and it looked hot. Peaches said that I would need some nylons and shoes to complete the look. Peaches bought a pair of tan shear panty hose and my first pair of heels. They were two inches high and Peaches said they were high enough for a fourteen-year-old girl.
The big night came and Peaches helped me get ready. Peaches did my makeup as she had much more experience at it than I did. She put on eye shadow and liner, mascara and darkened my brows, lined my lips, put on lipstick and then gloss to finish the effect. I put on a beautiful new wonder bra, panties to match, my panty hose, a slip, and then the dress and heels. Peaches combed out my hair and I looked in the mirror, wow did I look hot. I didn’t look like a fourteen-year-old girl anymore. My face was beautiful and with my nylons and heels on I looked like a model, my legs looked spectacular. Peaches gave me a clutch purse with makeup inside and some change in case I had to make a phone call.
Tony arrived and I thought his eyes would pop out when he saw me. His father drove us to the dance and I could see him looking at my legs in the rearview mirror. I didn’t know I could have that kind of power over a man.
We arrived at the dance and I found Lisa and her date and we started chatting until the dace began. Tony led me to the dance floor and we danced until intermission. My feet were starting to hurt so I asked him if it would be all right to sit down for a while to rest.
We found a place to sit and Tony placed his arm around my shoulder. It felt good so I snuggled up against him. He looked at me and smiled and then he leaned over and kissed me. This kiss wasn’t like my first kiss, it was more wanting and I was responding. I put my arms around his neck and kissed him back. I don’t know what he was doing to me but I didn’t want him to stop. I felt his hand begin to caress my inner thigh next to my knee and ever so slowly move a little higher with each stroke. I was so turned on and so inexperienced that I didn’t know what he was doing. As his hand went higher I was losing all control of myself and I didn’t want him to stop. I could feel my pussy yearning for his touch and when he finally touched me there I didn’t know what to do. He began to rub my panties and all I could do was open my legs wider for him. I was panting wildly and wanted him to do something to me but I didn’t know what that something was but he would soon show me. He reached inside my panties and inserted a finger inside my pussy and began to stroke it in and out. I started to moan and he quickly removed his finger.
I grabbed his hand and asked, “Why did you stop?”
Tony looked at me and said, “Because you were making to much noise and everyone will see what I am doing to you.”
“Can’t we go outside or something, I want you.”
“No the chaperones won’t allow us to leave, maybe I could come over to your apartment tomorrow and I will show you some other things,” he said.
“I would love that’” I purred.
We returned to the dance floor and danced until the last dance. The last dance was slow and as Tony rubbed against me I couldn’t help thinking about tomorrow.
I rode home with Lisa and told her that Tony was coming over the next day and how nice it felt when he kissed me but I didn’t tell her what else he did to me. I might tell her after he comes over tomorrow since she is my best friend.
When I got home Peaches asked me if I had a good time at the dance. I said yes but I must have looked guilty so she asked me what else happened, God moms pick up on everything.
“Tony kissed me and I lost control of myself and he did something to my pussy that made me want him in the worst way.”
“Linda you were just seduced by an older boy that is way more experienced than you. You didn’t know what to do so he took advantage of you. You’re much to young to have sex with someone like that. You should save yourself for someone you truly love and not give yourself to some guy that just wants a piece of ass,” Peaches said.
Peaches was furious, thinking that some idiot had tried to seduce her little girl. The dance was supposed to be an innocent social experience but turned into something more for Linda, something she wasn’t mature enough to understand.
Linda looked sheepishly at Peaches and said, “Tony said he would wanted to come over tomorrow and show me some other things, what should I do?”
“You can tell him that you talked to me about last night and that you are to young for sex. Just the thought of me knowing what he already did to you will scare him and he will leave you alone.”
Tony came over the next day and we went to my room. I could tell he was excited by the bulge in his pants. He started to close the door but I stopped him and explained that I was not allowed to close the door with a boy in my room. I then told him what I had told Peaches and he looked angry, I knew he was unhappy because his bulge disappeared.
“Why don’t we go to my house?” he asked.
“Peaches won’t let me and besides I’m not ready for sex yet, I’m only fourteen.”
“Only fourteen, I thought you were older than that, I’d better go, I’ll see you around.”
Tony left and I told Peaches she was right, all Tony want was to have sex with me. She told me next time some guy tries what Tony did I should stop him after the first kiss. She then said it would be best if I weren’t to become involved with a boy or my schoolwork might suffer. I admitted to Peaches she was right about boys and that I would concentrate on my schoolwork. I thanked her for all she has done for me and gave her a big hug.
The next day I talked to Lisa and told her what had happened at the dance. She wanted to know what it felt like when Tony put his finger in me. I told her it was like nothing I had felt before and didn’t want him to stop then she asked me if I wanted to do it again and I told her not until I got older and had more control of myself.
The school year past and I was elected class president for the second semester and Peaches was walking on air she was so proud of me. I also went out for the girl’s softball team and played second base. I wasn’t very good but the other girls weren’t either except for Brenda so we only won two games all year but we had fun anyway and we became close friends.
I went camping with Lisa’s family during summer vacation. We went to Lake Tahoe and we had so much fun. We only went in the water twice it was so cold. I think when they want a picture of ice in the dictionary they should have a picture of Lake Tahoe. The lake is very pretty though and the water is so clear it seems that you can see forever when you look into it.
I wore my bikini the whole time and got so tan it was unbelievable.
We played miniature golf one night and met some boys. There names were Tim and Robby and they were fifteen just like us. I ended up with Tim and Lisa with Robby. We would go hiking and for walks at night which would end with us petting very heavily. Tim was very inexperienced so I didn’t have to worry about him trying to seduce me and go to far.
We were walking the last night of our stay and we began to kiss each other. He was rubbing my back very softly with his hand and then I felt him move it around my body until he placed it on my breast. He had never done that before and it was the first time a guy had ever done that to me. I couldn’t believe how good it felt. I began to move my pelvis against his crotch and felt his penis becoming very hard. The more he rubbed my breasts the more I rubbed against him. Tim and I were totally out of control and didn’t really know how to finish what we had started so he rubbed my breasts and I ground into his pelvis harder and harder with mine. We had done this for several minutes and then Tim shuttered and started to moan.
I looked at him and asked, “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine, I just got so excited that I came in my pants”
“Is that what that was, did it feel good? It felt good when you were rubbing me, do boys come like that all the time?”
“Yeah I guess we do but this was the first time a girl made me come, it sure felt good though, what does it feel like for a girl?”
“I don’t know, I’ve never come yet, I don’t want to talk about it anymore, it’s kind of embarrassing. Maybe I will see you next year and I might have an answer for you. I’m going to miss you when we go home tomorrow.”
“I’ll miss you too.”
We walked back to the campground and I kissed Tim good-by. It was a good thing he was inexperienced or he would have been my first boy to have sex with, I was still hot and wanted him in the worst way.
We drove home the next day and Lisa and I talked about our conquests as though we had seduced all the boys we met. We were in our own little dream world but we were beginning to feel like young women. We laughed and giggled especially when I told her about Tim coming in his pants and the effect that we girls can have on boys.
My sophomore year went fast. I dated a lot of guys but no one exclusively. Lisa has a steady boyfriend now and her grades are suffering as a result.
I was elected class president again and still have a 4.0 grade point average and Peaches and I are closer than ever, I think of her as my real mother. She is so protective of me, I would hate to have her angry with me if I were the person that was to hurt her little girl.
My junior year started much like my sophomore year and I seem to be well liked by most of my fellow students.
There is a new student in my class and his name is William. He is very shy and all the other boys tease him and call him a fag. He is very good looking in a feminine sort of way and I’m sure that makes it easy for the other boys to be nasty. I have started to talk to him and seem to be the only friend he has. He is very kind and I feel sorry for the treatment of the other boys toward him. William seems to be a very good student as his grades are as good as mine so I asked him to come home with me to study and he agreed to come. When he arrived I introduced him to Peaches and then we studied for about two hours until we were done.
We then started to talk about school.
“I hate this school Linda, everyone picks on me and I have never done anything to those kids to warrant that behavior from them. They call me fag all the time and I don’t know why.”
“I don’t know why either William but it could be the way you look and the way you present yourself. You’re very pretty and your mannerisms are very feminine, it looks like you pluck your eyebrows, do you?”
“Is it that obvious, yes I do and I can’t help that I do. If I tell you something do you promise not to tell anyone else? I trust you Linda so you have to promise me that you will keep my secret.”
“I promise, now tell me.”
“I went to a private school until this year. The boys began to notice that I was different and would beat me up almost every day. I almost committed suicide because I thought it would be easier than the constant beatings I was receiving. When I would take P.E. they would notice that I had no hair on my legs or underarms. They also noticed my eyebrows, which didn’t make things better. Most of the boys at the school were athletes and would beat me. Just before I was going to kill myself I decided to tell my parents what was happening and why at school. I thought they would be devastated but much to my surprise they were supportive of me and wished that I had come to them sooner. They decided that it would be better if I went to a public high school, as the politics are more liberal there. I auditioned to go to School of the Arts because they don’t care what kind of person you are as long as your discipline is of the highest order and you don’t cause trouble. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to meet their standards with my piano audition so I ended up at Tech High School. You are the only person that is nice to me in this school.”
“Why don’t you have any hair on you legs or underarms?”
“Because I shave them and pluck my eyebrows. Have you ever heard the word transsexual? That’s what I think I am. I want to be a girl and that’s why I look this way.”
“What did your parents say when they found out?”
“At first they didn’t notice as the changes were so gradual and because they both work they really didn’t see much of me. After I told them that I had considered suicide they took notice in a supportive way and they have me in counseling.”
“Do you dress up in girls clothes?”
“Once in a while, I borrow some of my mom’s clothes but my parents don’t know that I do.”
“Do you have a girls name?”
“No, I never thought about a girls name, I just want to be a girl. Promise me you won’t tell anyone.”
“Oh William I promise, I won’t tell anyone unless you let me. Do you want to dress up for me?”
“Could I, would you help me, that would be fun. What would your mom say if she were to see me?”
“Don’t worry, my mom’s pretty liberal when it comes to things like that, come on to my bedroom so we can get started.”
I led William to my room and handed him a pair of my panties and told him to take off his clothes and put them on. After he had them on I put one of my old A cup bras on him and stuffed it with some nylon stockings. I had him sit at my vanity and made up his face and styled his hair. I gave him a pair of pantyhose to wear with a pair of two-inch heels that matched the little black dress I gave him to wear. When he stood up I was amazed at how pretty he was, maybe I should say how pretty she was as the boy was gone and a very pretty girl remained.
“Oh William you’re so cute you need a girls name so I can introduce you to my mother.”
“I can’t let your mother see me like this.”
“Yes you can, she will understand what you are going through, so pick a name, how about Tiffanie?”
“No I think I like Cathy better.”
“Ok Cathy now let me introduce you to my mom.”
We went into the living room and Peaches looked up and gasped.
“Mom, I want you to meet Cathy, we go to school together.”
“I’m pleased to meet you Cathy,” replied Peaches. “Linda do you want to tell me all about Cathy?”
I told Peaches about how William was teased at school and I was his only friend. I explained that he told me that he thought he was a transsexual and that was why he was now Cathy.
“Well Cathy you are a very attractive girl, do your parents know how you feel about wanting to be a girl?”
“Yes and they are some what supportive however they have never seen me dressed as a girl and I’m not sure of how they would react if they did. They have me in therapy and probably think that will take care of the situation but I also think it is their way of hiding from it.”
“Maybe I can talk to them for you so they might come to a better understanding of what you are going through. I know some transsexuals and I will explain to them that they don’t bite and it might help if you can talk to them openly about your feelings and how you really feel about yourself. If you can be fully accepted by your family as a woman if you choose to transition you will be more than half way to your final destination.”
“Thank you Miss Friedman, just talking to you has made me feel more at ease.”
“I’m glad I could help, now you girls had better go change so Cathy can go home, it’s getting late and I don’t want her to get in trouble with her parents.”
William changed back into his clothes and cleaned the makeup off of his face. You could still see a trace of mascara on his lashes and he still looked like a cute girl with no makeup on. Peaches drove him home to be sure he arrived home safely.
On our way back home Peaches looked at me and said, “Linda you have to be very careful about what you did today with William. His parents might not approve of you dressing him as a girl no matter what he says about their accepting him as transsexual. If they were to find out what you did they might go to the authorities and place a complaint against me in which case I might be investigated. If that were to happen the authorities might find out that you were once a boy in which case I would be placed under arrest as would Dr. Bob and it would be many years before we would be released from jail. You have to be very careful about how you help your friends, think about what you are doing and what could happen.”
After Peaches talked to me I realized the danger I had put us through by trying to help William the way that I did. He needed a friend he could trust but he didn’t realize the danger it was to me. I couldn’t tell him about my past because the only way to keep a secret safe is not to tell anyone what your secret is. I decided that I would help him but we would have to be discrete.
The school year continued and I met a boy named Roger and I like him very much. We have started to date and we talk all the time.
Roger asked me to go to the home coming dance with him and I accepted. I wanted to look extra special for him so Peaches and I went shopping for that sexy little something so as to make him pay attention to me and keep his mind off other girls. We found that dress in a specialty shop and it was gorgeous. It was a burgundy color with a low cut neck, which allowed my cleavage to show and had a slit almost to my hips. The fabric was satin and had lots of lace around the neckline. Peaches wasn’t sure if I should wear something so sexy, but I assured her that I would behave myself so she relented and bought it for me. Our next stop was wild pair for shoes that matched and the only ones we could find were sandals with three inch heels, God were they sexy looking. Peaches then brought me to Victoria’s Secret for under garments to make the night special.
The day of the dance arrived and Peaches treated me to a day of beauty at the salon. When I left the salon my hair, nails and makeup were done to perfection. I looked like a model from one of my teen magazines. When I arrived home I bathed and then dressed. After donning my new under garments, nylons, heels and dress I looked in the mirror and saw a young woman staring back, the little girl was gone. The neckline was low enough to show quite a lot of cleavage, I guess my bra helped to do that, and the lace made it look very seductive. The hem was high enough to show my legs and then the slit would open exposing my upper thigh and I knew Roger would like it.
Roger arrived and I was right as I could tell he was very turned on by my look. Roger is a senior and is old enough to drive so he drove us to the dance. I had to keep telling him to keep his eyes on the road or we would have an accident before we got there. It’s very flattering to have that effect on a boy.
Roger and I danced almost every dance, fast and slow, he’s a very good dancer. Lisa and I hardly had time to talk but I like being with Roger so I really didn’t mind too much.
After the dance was over Roger drove to a secluded spot overlooking the ocean with a view back to the Golden Gate Bridge. It is a very romantic place to be so I snuggled up close to Roger. He looked at me and lowered his lips to mine and kissed me softly but with passion. I opened my lips to allow him to penetrate my mouth with his tongue. We kissed this way until I felt weak with passion. Roger moved away from my mouth and began kissing my neck softly caressing it with his lips and moving ever so slowly from one side to the other. I was losing all control of myself and when he touched my breasts with his hand I was his to do what ever he wished. He lowered the top of my dress and suckled my nipples with his mouth, which put me over the edge; I had to have him.
“Roger I want you to make love to me, please take me. I’ve never done this before so please be gentle with me, I want you so badly,” I pleaded.
I lost my virginity that night and couldn’t believe how intense the feelings of intercourse could be. I had orgasm before Roger and when he did he told me that he loved me, I never want to be away from him, I love him so. Tears of joy welled up in my eyes and I knew what real love could be.
That night I told Peaches how I felt about Roger and that we had made love She asked me how it felt and I told her it was like nothing I had felt before. She looked at me and said, “Tonight you became a woman and my little girl is gone forever. Please be careful because I don’t want you to get hurt by a boy who might say he loves you now but changes his mind afterwards.”
“Don’t worry mom, Roger isn’t like that or I would never have made love with him.”
“I hope not.”
I have continued to do well with my studies and have a 4.0 grade point average. William and I are still close but in a girl friend relationship. I have loaned him some of my clothes to wear when he comes to my home, as his parents haven’t really dealt with his sexuality hoping that his therapist will “straighten him out”. They say that they understand what is going on but I think they are so into themselves that they just give William lip service to what he really feels and just pass him off to other people. I believe they really love him but they just don’t want to take the time to understand his feelings and I’m sure they aren’t going to tell their friends that their son is transgendered especially with their social standing, I guess they feel it’s just better to hide from it.
William/Cathy is a very pretty girl but the only place we dress is in my room. Cathy seems to be all right with that but I decided it was time for her to go shopping for her own clothes.
“Cathy, it’s time for you to buy your own clothes. You can’t keep wearing my things so I’m going to take you to the mall.”
“No way Linda, I can’t go out looking like this, everyone will know I’m a boy.”
“Don’t be silly Cathy you’re beautiful and don’t look anything like a boy, the only thing people will see is a teenage girl, a pretty one at that.”
“I can’t Linda, please don’t make me, I’m sure people will know that I’m a boy.”
“Listen Cathy if you want to become a woman someday you will have to interact with people as a girl and I think it’s time for you to do that. Just think to yourself that you are Cathy and William isn’t here anymore and you will be fine.”
“I don’t have enough nerve to do it.”
“Cathy if you don’t I won’t let you wear my clothes anymore so the choice is yours, go shopping or lose Cathy. I know I sound mean but I love you like a girl friend and I’m trying to help you become the best girl you can be.”
“That’s not fair Linda, you know I would do anything to be a girl.”
“Good, then lets go shopping.”
I put a little extra makeup on Cathy’s eyes and she looked absolutely stunning. I had her wear one of my miniskirts and a blouse. She slipped on a pair of white tennis shoes and looked like a sexy teenaged girl out on a hunt for boys.
“God Cathy I’m jealous, you look great.”
Cathy blushed and off we went to the downtown mall. Cathy had been saving her allowance so she had several hundred dollars to spend. We went to all the stores and she was able to purchase a small wardrobe. She bought bras, panties a couple of skirts, blouses, sweaters, shorts, one dress, pantyhose and two pairs of shoes. One pair had three-inch heels. We were getting ready to leave the mall when Roger and one of his friends spotted us and he called to me.
“Linda what are you doing here, who’s your friend?”
“Hi Roger, this is Cathy. We just came here shopping to buy Cathy a few thing, who’s your friend?”
“This is Josh, he lives in San Jose. His family and mine have known each other for years. We always go on vacation together and he just got a new car for his birthday so he drove up here to show me his present.”
“Nice to meet you Josh, this is Cathy.”
Josh extended his hand to Cathy and I thought she would pass out. Here we were talking to two boys, one of which goes to our school and he definitely didn’t recognize Cathy, in fact I didn’t like the way he was looking at her although I really can’t blame him, Cathy is really pretty. When she finally composed herself Cathy took Josh’s hand and shook it like a girl and blushed.
“I didn’t know you had such a pretty girl friend Linda, lets go have a Coke and then we will drive you home. Where does Cathy go to school?”
“She goes to a private girls school on Broadway by Fillmore St., that’s why you have never met her before. I’m thirsty so a coke sounds good, come on Cathy.”
Cathy turned white with fear but there was no way out for her so she had to come along. I could tell by the look on Josh’s face that he liked Cathy so he grabbed her hand and pulled her along. We sat at a table while the boys went to get the sodas.
“Linda what are you thinking. What am I supposed to do, I’m afraid, what if Roger recognizes me?”
“If Roger didn’t recognize you by now he never will so just relax and enjoy meeting a boy. Josh is as nervous as you because he likes you and wants to make a good impression on you so just go with it. You’re very pretty and you should just enjoy yourself.”
The boys returned and we talked for an hour. Cathy finally loosened up and started to enjoy herself. We left and Roger drove us home in Josh’s car with Josh and Cathy sitting in the back seat. Josh put his arm around Cathy’s shoulder and much to my surprise she snuggled up against him. We were almost home and I turned around to say something to Cathy and saw them kissing, kissing very passionately. I could tell she and Josh was swapping tongues. Josh’s hand was caressing her inner thigh and Cathy was responding. If I didn’t interrupt them soon Josh would discover something that would have us all in trouble
”Wow you guys, were almost home,” I stated.
Cathy sat up and looked at me and gave me a sheepish smile. Josh tried to hide his erection and turned red with embarrassment. Roger dropped us off in front of my apartment and I told him that they didn’t have to walk us in as I had something to discuss with Cathy. As we walked up the stairs, I could tell Cathy was aroused by the bulge in her miniskirt.
“Cathy you’re going to have to be more careful. I can see that you are aroused from making out with Josh. If you’re going to get excited like that you will have to wear something tighter than thong panties.”
“I couldn’t help myself Linda, when Josh put his arm around me I forgot that I was a boy and lost myself to him. I’ve never had anyone find me sexually attractive especially as a boy but as a girl, wow guys really like me. I really like him and want to date him if he asks me.”
“Don’t worry he’ll ask, he really likes you, I could tell but you will have to think about what you’re going to do with him. If he discovers that you are a boy he might freak out and hurt you severely. You’re going to have to tell him about yourself being a boy or you will have to force the issue with your parents about wanting to be a girl. The best thing right now would be to take it slow with Josh and see if your therapist will prescribe hormones for you so that you will become more of a girl. The longer you wait the less effective they will be and I can tell by your reaction to being kissed that you have some hormones in your system right now and they are the wrong ones for you to become a girl so I think you should discuss this with your parents as soon as possible. If you need help maybe Peaches will talk to your parents.”
We went into the apartment and talked to Peaches on how to approach Cathy’s parents.
“Cathy sometimes you have to be straight forward with your parents. I’m sure they have noticed your eyebrows and feminine gestures. Just go to them and ask them to talk to you about how strongly you feel about wanting to be a girl. Explain to them that you are unhappy with the way you are now and that you would like them to help you become more of a woman. Tell them that if they really love you your gender shouldn’t be as important as who you are inside of yourself. Explain to them that you want to be their daughter and that you would be happy all of the time if they were to make your wish come true. Cathy there are also websites you can visit that can help you explain to your parents the path you wish to take. I know you are in therapy and it might be best to tell your therapist how strongly you feel about becoming a girl,” Peaches said.
“Thank you Peaches, I will go home and talk to my mom and dad and make sure they really listen to me, I’ve put it off long enough.”
Cathy changed back to being William again and went home. Peaches and I chatted about how we would have to be supportive of William if he talked to his parents.
Roger called and told me that Josh wanted to see Cathy again. I told him that Cathy wasn’t allowed to date because her parents think she is too young. I told him that maybe I could have her with me when Josh is around and he thought that would be cool.
William called later that night and told me that he had talked to his parents. He said this was the first time they really have listened to him. He said that they finally came to the realization that he really wants to become a girl. He told them that he wants to start hormones before his body becomes more masculine and that he loves them dearly and would love them more if he could become their daughter. His mother cried a little but they said that they would discuss it with each other and talk to him tomorrow as to what they decide.
William called me the next evening and told me that his parents had come to a decision. They said that they would talk to his therapist about his feelings of being transsexual and if he agreed with them you could start hormone therapy right away. He would also start the next school year as a girl. He was so excited I could tell he was ready to cry. He couldn’t believe his parents would be so supportive of his wishes.
William continued to dress at my apartment and was determined to be deemed a transsexual by his therapist. His parents started him on hormones one month later and three months after that Cathy started to blossom. Her nipples had become sore and did she have mood swings, talk about PMS. I told her she had better get control of her emotions or no boy will want to talk to her no matter how good looking she is because boys don’t want to date bitches.
We met Roger and Josh one afternoon at the mall and Cathy was really horny from the hormones she has been taking. We went to Golden Gate Park and I thought Cathy was going to rape Josh, she was all over him and finally gave him a blow job with the explanation that she was having her period but wanted him anyway.
After we left the boys I had to have a sister to sister talk with Cathy.
“Cathy what are you thinking, doing that with Josh?” I asked.
“God Linda I was so hot for Josh I just couldn’t help myself, giving him a blowjob seemed the right thing for a girl to do,” she explained.
“Cathy you aren’t really a girl yet and if Josh were to discover your secret he might hurt you. Where did you learn to give blowjobs like that anyway?”
“I learned from the Internet and I think I did pretty good for the first time. I really liked doing it and can’t wait to do it again.”
We both giggled at that as I felt my face turn red with embarrassment.
“Cathy you had better be careful or people will think you’re a slut.”
“Maybe I am.”
“You had better not be one, I want to help you be a woman not a whore, just please have more control of yourself.”
“I will Linda, I promise but if Josh touches me again like today I don’t know how much control I will have.”
“Cathy just be strong, you can do it if you want to, just remember that being a woman doesn’t mean having sex with every guy you meet.”
The school year ended and summer vacation was finally here. Cathy has started to develop and has A cup sized breasts. Her parents have started to buy her clothes and even bought her a bikini for summer.
Cathy and I went to the beach during one of the rare hot spells that occur in San Francisco during the foggy months of summer. I noticed that Cathy has begun to look very cute. Her butt is rounding out very nicely and she has a tiny waist, I’m jealous she looks so good.
We had just gotten settled when two guys came over and introduced themselves. One was Tom and the other was Andy and they were both very cute. I paired off with Tom and Cathy with Andy. We spent the afternoon with them getting to know them and soon we were making out like crazy. Tom’s hands were all over me and I was responding in ways I had never responded before, I wanted him in the worst way possible. We walked across Great Highway to the park and went into the bushes with our blanket. We lay down and Tom removed my top and began sucking my nipples and circling them with his tongue. I was going wild and reached down inside his trunks and grabbed his dick. I thought about what Cathy had done and I wanted to suck it, it seemed the right thing to do. I took it in my mouth and reveled at how smooth it felt. I started to circle the tip with my tongue and then slid it in and out of my mouth. Tom started to moan and then I tasted his precum in my mouth. I felt him tense and then he exploded in my mouth. I thought doing this would revolt me but it didn't. I liked the feel of his cock in my mouth and the feel of the pulsing flow of sperm in my mouth. Tom had stopped rubbing my breasts and grabbed the back of my head and pulled it to him. I suddenly realized that my mouth was filling with his liquid, I mean filling a lot. If I didn’t do something fast I would fast I would choke. I started to cough and I came to the realization that I didn’t liked the taste of cum. I coughed and then spit it out. I felt so degraded by what I had done with this boy I had just met and then acted like a slut by allowing to have his way with me.
“Linda that was incredible, how did you learn to do that?”
“I don’t know you were my first and I loved doing it,” I said trying to sound cool but yet feeling ashamed of myself.
“Well if you ever want to do it again let me know and I will be there in a heartbeat.”
We laughed and then walked back to the beach to wait for Cathy and Andy to return but my mood had changed. I tried to keep an upbeat mood but I really had a hard time to keep from crying. How could I degrade myself like that, taking a boy and be so out of control as to do that and not even know him, all I wanted was to go home and shower. When they finally returned Cathy had a smile from ear to ear.
“What are you so happy about?” I asked.
“I’ll tell you later,” she answered.
Tom and Andy left and we went to my place. I kept thinking about what I had done to Tom and had mixed feelings about what took place. I know the other girls at school talked about giving oral sex to their boy friends so they wouldn’t get pregnant but I didn’t have that fear but on the other hand did I enjoy doing it? I wasn’t sure. Sometimes sexual discovery can be a life changing experience when you are a teen. Even though I did like what I did at the time I’m not sure if I want to do it so casually in there future. Now I just had to find out what Cathy was so happy about earlier.
“Cathy, tell me what you were so happy about when you and Andy came back to us,” I asked.
“Remember what you told me about being careful with Josh, well I lost all control of myself with Andy. He started playing with my breasts and that was it I was gone. I was so hot that I didn’t notice his hand caressing my thigh until it was to late. His hand was rubbing my panties and I started to get hard against his hand. I froze and thought he would kill me but I was wrong, because he just smiled and said that he liked both boys and girls and with me he had both. We relaxed and continued to make out and he took me over the edge and made love to me. He took me from behind, at first I was afraid but after I relaxed it was wonderful. When we were done he held me and told me that he loved me. I think I love him too and he said he wants to see me again. What did you and Tom do?”
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to share what I had done with Tom with anyone yet so I answered her with a short, “We just made out. Don’t you think you’re kind of rushing things with Andy?”
“I guess I am but I couldn’t help myself, he’s so cute.”
“Just be careful Cathy, I don’t want you to get hurt.”
We changed out of our bikinis into shorts and blouses. We laughed when we saw our bikini tan lines and Cathy said that she really was a girl now. We went to my room and chatted about our day and about the sex that occurred and whether we were mature enough to take sex so casually. It was time for Cathy to go home so I asked Peaches if it would be all right to go with her to her home. Peaches said it would be okay but to call her when it was time to come home because she didn’t want me riding the bus late at night by myself.
I changed into a halter-top and tight white shorts, touched up my makeup, added some shadow and then put on my white tennis shoes. We caught the muni bus to Cathy’s home. We sat down in the front of the bus and the driver couldn’t keep his eyes off of us, he almost had an accident, we thought it was funny but the other passengers didn’t. Having C breasts does draw attention to ones self. When we arrived at Cathy’s she introduced me to her parents.
“It’s very nice to finally meet you Linda, Cathy talks about you all the time.”
“Thank you Mrs. Farnsworth, It’s nice to meet you too.”
“We also want to thank you for helping Cathy through this difficult time in her life, she needs friends right now.”
“That’s why I want to be supportive for her, I’ve seen what some of the boys at school are like towards her and I know she needs a girl friend to talk to especially about learning how to become a girl.”
“Well I just want to thank you once again.”
I thanked them once again for their support of Cathy and left knowing that I couldn’t tell them that I too was once a boy but that would always be my secret.
Fall finally arrived and school started. I was elected student body President and have continued to have a 4.0 grade point average. Roger and I broke up but now I have another boy friend and his name is Brent. He is on the football team and he is gorgeous. We went to the homecoming dance and won the best-looking couple award. The reason we won was because of him, defiantly not me; he’s so cute. He’s very smart, not your typical football jock, I don’t know what he sees in me, all the girls are so jealous of me for having him for a boy friend. He tells me that I’m cute but like any other girl I love it when he says that but I still feel self-conscious about my looks. As we have grown more comfortable with each other our petting has become more intense. After what I did with Tom and Roger I knew that I was the one in control of how far Brent would be able to go and I wasn’t ready for any of that stuff again. I was coming to realize that the relationship was more important than the sex part of it. It is too easy for me to have sex if I wanted because I can’t become pregnant like other girls but I don’t want to use that as an excuse to be easy. The next time a boy has me it will be special and not because I lose control like I did with Tom. It still bothers me when I think of what I did with him, doing that without even really knowing him, never again. I still worry about Cathy though, she is still too free with herself, luckily she hasn’t contracted any STS but if she doesn’t learn some self-control she will. I warned her when we first became friends that if she wasn’t careful she would become a slut and she has. We don’t see as much of each other because I don’t want to get a reputation by association but we are still friends, I can’t abandon her altogether because she needs support on her journey, I just wish she was a little bit more innocent with her sex life. She tells me some of the things she has done and I can’t help but blush.
The school year past and it was springtime. Brent and I are still very much in love, I guess giving it up isn’t the best thing for a relationship, he seems to have so much respect for me. Brent has an almost 4.0 grade point average and has a number of scholarship offers and he seems to be leaning toward Stanford University. I have completed my goal for high school and am the valedictorian of our class. I’m leaning toward Yale, as their offer is the best of all the schools that have contacted me.
It was about three weeks before graduation when a man came to our apartment on a Monday afternoon to interview Peaches about me. He rang the doorbell and Peaches let him in.
“Hello, I’m Ron George from the Independent. I came by to interview you about Linda for next week’s edition of the paper. Could you tell me a little about Linda?”
“There’s not much to tell, she’s always been a good girl.”
“She’s your adopted daughter, isn’t she?”
“Yes I adopted her several years ago, why do you ask?”
“Just curious, you know how we reporters are. You must be very proud of Linda, to what do you attribute her success?”
“Linda and I made a deal when we first met and she kept her word. We promised each other that we would support each other no matter what and if she were to try her hardest in school I would send her to the college of her choice.”
“It looks as if you and she succeeded. I would like to return and interview Linda this Friday if that would be alright with you?”
“That would be wonderful, thank you for coming.”
Ron left and Peaches was on top of the world, only that world was about to come crashing down.
The telephone rang and Peaches answered, “Hello.”
“Hello, Peaches?”
“Yes.”
“Hi this is Ron George of the Independent. The reason for my call is that I have done a little investigating on your story and I have a lot of questions to ask you. The first is when did you adopt Linda? I couldn’t find any record of an adoption by you at the recorders office. Secondly since Linda isn’t related to you where did she come from? I think I might have that answer because I checked some news articles from several years past and found something about a boy that went missing in San Jose around the time you “found” this girl. Maybe there is something else I should ask you, you don’t remember me do you?”
Peaches was shaking, remember this scum, how could she remember him, she could hardly think, how did he find out about Linda, he must be guessing, “You have me at a disadvantage, no I don’t remember you.”
“Let me refresh your memory, I met you nine years ago when you weren’t living as well as you do today. You were a prostitute and I wanted a date. I told you what I wanted to do and you told me that was disgusting. I offered you a lot of money to do it but you told me that your self-respect was more important than money. You pissed me off so I called you a bitch and you told me to go fuck myself and that I was the most disgusting person that you had ever met. I told you I would get even with you, and like the saying goes, what goes around comes around, and now it is payback time. If you do what I asked you to do years back I will make my story go away and present Linda as the sweetest little girl you could ever hope to meet and her mother the very vision of support, however if you don’t do as I say your little game is up, do we have an understanding?”
Peaches was crying, tears flowed from her eyes, what was going to happen to her little girl, she couldn’t talk she was crying so hard.
“I don’t hear you, what’s your decision?” Ron asked in a smarmy tone of voice.
Peaches was finally able to answer, “Yes I will do anything to protect my baby when do we have to meet?”
“I’ll call you tomorrow to let you know and be ready, I can’t wait,” said Ron as he was becoming aroused thinking of the perverted act he wanted Peaches to perform.
Peaches hung up the phone and collapsed on her bed with fear wracking her body. What am I going to do she thought to herself, I can’t let anything happen to Linda. She suddenly had a thought; she remembered a favor she had done for a shady figure in the underworld of crime, someone whom she had risked her life to save from false imprisonment. Her friend Carmine had been falsely accused of a crime and was being set up for a fall by powerful politicos that wanted him out of the way. Peaches testified at his trial and saved him from life in prison but at great risk to her own life. She had been threatened by the police and others not to testify but did anyway and Carmine went free. Maybe, just maybe he might be the answer.
The phone rang three times before there was an answer, “Yeah.”
“Hello, may I speak to Carmine?”
“Who’s calling?”
“Would you tell him it’s Peaches?”
“Does he know you?”
“Just tell him I’m on the line,” Peaches was becoming irritated.
“Yeah just a minute, hey boss there is some bitch on the phone that wants to talk to you.”
“Who is it?” shouted Carmine.
“I don’t know, she says her name is Peaches or something.”
“Did you say Peaches, give me the phone and don’t you ever call her a bitch again or you’re history.”
Carmine grabbed the phone and said, “Peaches, how’s my favorite girl friend?”
“Carmine, don’t try to flatter me you never call so at least I know I’m not your favorite.”
“Sure you are honey I just don’t show it sometimes, so why are you calling me today, to tell me how much you miss me?”
“Carmine, do you ever stop flirting?”
“Only when I’m asleep, so what do I owe the pleasure of your call?”
“Carmine as you know I’ve changed my life and have taken in a runaway that has become my daughter, not by blood but from love. I would do anything to protect her from harm but now there is a problem. There is a man that means to harm her if I don’t do several very disgusting things with him and I know if I do he will be back time and time again and it will never end. I would like you to have a talk with him to explain that what he is doing is wrong. Is there anything you can do for me?”
“Peaches honey of course there is, who is this scum that is trying to hurt my favorite girl?”
“His name is Ron George, he works for the Independent as a reporter.”
“Well consider it done, I owe you big.”
“Thank you so much, if there is anything I can do for you just ask.”
“Well there is a certain young lady that I would love to take to dinner sometime if she were to oblige me.”
“Carmine, you’re incorrigible,” Peaches giggled, “But yes I would love to go with you, call me later okay?”
“I will, good by.”
The week past and Friday afternoon came and the door bell rang and Peaches answered the door with fear hoping that Ron George would be nice to her as he hadn’t called to make a date with her. She opened the door and a stranger was standing there.
“Hello, I’m Brenda Quint from the Independent. I came to interview Linda for this week’s edition. Apparently Ron George decided to take a job in Florida and had to leave immediately. It was the strangest thing, he came back to the office Wednesday afternoon and quit his job and said he would never be back and to mail him his check when he got settled. I swear it looked like he had wet his pants, it was the strangest thing.”
Peaches smiled and asked the reporter into her home and allowed her to interview Linda.
“Linda to what do you attribute your success this year?”
“My mom Peaches, without her I would have been lost, having a parent that loves you is so important.”
“Why is it so important?”
“Because a parent is the one guiding you through life and without one that loves and respects you as an individual you are lost.”
“So you attribute this to Peaches?”
“Yes, I love her so much, she’s my mom but she is also my best friend.”
“Your best friend?”
“Of course, I can come to her and talk to her about anything and know she won’t get mad at me but she will let me know exactly how she feels without judging me. I have done a few really stupid things and I would have expected her to be angry with me but she didn’t yell or scream at me, we just had a mother daughter talk and I saw the error of what I was doing, I only saw the little picture and Peaches saw the big picture and was able to explain it to me without anger. Peaches is so special.”
“Yes she does sound very special, you’re a very lucky young woman to have a mother like Peaches. Now that high school is almost over for you what do you intend to do after graduation?”
“I’m torn, I have a wonderful scholarship to Yale but my boy friend is going to go to Stanford so I’m not quite sure of what to do.”
“Linda, take it from someone that knows, don’t throw your life away at such an early age, take that Yale scholarship, your boy friend will be there when you graduate and if he’s not then you two weren’t meant to happen. Linda you are a delightful young woman and I want to thank you for the pleasure of having been able to talk to you, best wishes, goodbye.”
The reporter left and the next week the news article was very complimentary. My friends read it and made me blush when they mentioned it.
This brings me to the end of my story as my class just finished graduating and this is where my story began. Thank you for listening, love to you all, Linda
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