I have a confession. it's hard to stand up and admit it, but here goes (gulp)

I have 'I'itis. For those who are not aware of this condition, it occurs where you use I too often and inappropriately in stories.

It started when I was knee high to a little grasshopper. I was doing a fan-fiction based on Jack and Jill, it went something like:

Jack and I went up the hill to fetch a pail of water,
Jack fell down and broke his crown and I came tumbling after.

Only two I's but it was the start of a slippery slope.

Kristina has been helping me but it's a long uphill struggle and not a pretty sight.

So if you see too many I's in my stories, please think of me and my struggles to rid myself of this affliction.

Sue

PS my favourite film/book is I Robot.

I was just listening to one of my favorite tracks by Billie Joel, We did'nt start the fire:

Harry Truman, Doris Day, Red China, Johnnie Ray
South Pacific, Walter Winchell, Joe DiMaggio

Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television
North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe

Rosenbergs, H-bomb, Sugar Ray, Panmunjom
Brando, "The King and I" and "The Catcher in the Rye"

Eisenhower, vaccine, England's got a new queen
Marciano, Liberace, Santayana goodbye

CHORUS:
We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Joseph Stalin, Malenkov, Nasser aand Prokofiev
Rockefeller, Campanella, Communist Bloc

Roy hn, Juan Peron, Toscanini, dacron
Dien Bien Phu falls, "Rock Around the Clock"

Einstein, James Dean, Brooklyn's got a winning team
Davy Crockett, Peter Pan, Elvis Presley, Disneyland

Bardot, Budapest, Alabama, Krushchev
Princess Grace, "Peyton Place", trouble in the Suez

CHORUS:
We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Little Rock, Pasternak, Mickey Mantle, Kerouac
Sputnik, Chou En-Lai, "Bridge on the River Kwai"

Lebanon, Charlse de Gaulle, California baseball
Starkweather, homicide, children of thalidomide

Buddy Holly, "Ben Hur", space monkey, Mafia
Hula hoops, Castro, Edsel is a no-go

U-2, Syngman Rhee, payola and Kennedy
Chubby Checker, "Psycho", Belgians in the Congo

CHORUS:
We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Hemingway, Eichmann, "Stranger in a Strange Land"
Dylan, Berlin, Bay of Pigs invasion

"Lawrence of Arabia", British Beatlemania
Ole Miss, John Glenn, Liston beats Patterson

Pope Paul, Malcolm X, British politician sex
JFK, blown away, what else do I have to say

CHORUS:
We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Birth control, Ho Chi Minh, Richard Nixon back again
Moonshot, Woodstock, Watergate, punk rock
Begin, Reagan, Palestine, terror on the airline
Ayatollah's in Iran, Russians in Afghanistan

"Wheel of Fortune", Sally Ride, heavy metal, suicide
Foreign debts, homeless vets, AIDS, crack, Bernie Goetz
Hypodermics on the shores, China's under martial law
Rock and roller cola wars, I can't take it anymore

CHORUS:
We didn't start the fire
But when we are gone
Will it still burn on, and on, and on, and on...

The way the world is, I wonder if anything changes much, the countries are different, the faces and countries are different but the problems we have don't really change much. I wish we could all live together in peace; is it too much to ask?

Sue

Just read this on the BBC website:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/7817496.stm

Anyone for blue and is all that pink really harmful?

Hugs
Sue

Here I am sitting in sunny, if very blowy Lincolnshire, that's in the UK for those, like me who never paid attention in geography lessons.

I have lost count of the amount of times I have had to let Ellie Mae and Biscuit (our cats) in and out of the house today. As soon as they go out, they realise that it's windy and they want to come in again!

Now, I hear you say that I should get a cat flap. No...not a good idea, Biscuit likes catching things and bringing them home to Mummy and Daddy. We found a live frog on the living room carpet last year, staring at us balefully and no doubt wondering if it was about to be someones lunch.

Also, we quite often find bits of mice, voles and other things lying outside the back door. It's Biscuits fault, he is a natural born, mini tiger.

Ellie Mae, bless her... hasn't a tigerish bone in her little body, she tries to catch blowing leaves, but that's the limit...even then she rarely catches anything, as A. she's too slow or B. she takes her eye off the ball to lick herself.

Mind you, it's funny, if we have visitors, Biscuit goes and hides somewhere, not to be seen until the intruders leave and Ellie just comes up and plonks herself on any willing lap...so who's the brave one here?

I had better go now as the cat's want to come in and I no doubt will have to give them some food...I don't know why I bother...yes I do...I love the little devils, that's why.

I have been an author here and at Big Closet since 2004.

I have always enjoyed the friendliness of the site and the unique interactive content that Erin has provided for us.

I first posted my stories on Fictionmania but after a while, I decided that I preferred the format and type of stories that we get here rather than what appeared to me to be a rather more hard core orientated stories on FM. Also, I had a few rather nasty complaints and comments on my stories on FM and that made me feel even more uncomfortable staying there.

Top Shelf has always felt a home for me and an outlet for my sometimes off the wall muses and stories. Of late, I have become a bit sad that some authors and bloggers have been castigated and some of the comments have been less than fair. I myself have had a few pm’s that have made me feel uncomfortable in the past but thankfully not for quite a while now.

I am not one of those people that complain much, I just try to provide stories that some people may like. It’s not a one way thing. I get a huge amount of enjoyment writing my stories and getting the reactions from my readers.

This is not about me and I have few complaints about how I have been treated here apart from the few I mentioned above. Like other authors, I can’t please all of the people all of the time and expect criticism and I’m sure other authors feel the same. What I would ask though is posters to think before they write on a blog or story or even a pm about something that they are not happy about.

Too many authors have left here due to things said and written, perhaps in the heat of the moment. If authors decide to leave, we all suffer and without the authors, there would be no TopShelf. Also remember that Erin, Bob and others on the admin team try really hard for no reward to make this the finest TG story site — bar none.

So please think carefully before you write something as your words may drive people away and that is the last thing that anyone wants.By all means write constructive criticism but please refrain from the destructive variety.

Hugs
Sue Brown

As an author, it's nice to get comments for my work.

It shows that people care enough to take time out of their busy lives to respond to a story.

Sometimes though you get comments that hurt a bit, perhaps criticism of the way the plot is going or typos, etc. Maybe a mistake is made or 'that can't happen because...' type comments.

I'm not particularly upset about these things being said, just that it is being said in public. I'm a big girl now after all; but I really feel that criticism of this nature is negative and should be sent in a private message rather than in an open comments form.

Some of you do this and I'm grateful for the input you give.

I do wonder how many new authors are put off writing when they get negative comments, especially when those comments are aired in public.

Sue

As I sit here contemplating my navel and extracting dust from said indentation, my mind wonders…

I can truthfully say that when I write my stories, I seldom know what I am going to write. I mean by this, that I don’t have a clue how things are going to turn out until whatever it is happens. I just let my mind imagine what will occur and I let my fingers do the walking as I construct what I hope is an interesting story. It’s like I’m in a dream and in that dream, things occur and I write down the journey, if you see what I mean.

I read somewhere that P.G. Wodehouse took ages to plan out his stories and his notes were far more than he ever wrote in his stories. I never write down the plot and how things are going to start, go on and finish before I have written the story. I just like to go on the ride and see what happens. That way is enjoyable to me and I am almost as surprised as the reader when the story finally unravels itself and comes to a hopefully satisfactory conclusion.

Mind you, if I was going to write a blockbuster and it happens to be set in the Caribbean, I may just go there, purely for research, of course!

Dear Auntie Enid,

I am writing to you because you are so wise and you give people advice through your lovely newspaper for nothing.

I don't know why they put your letters page near the back of the paper where those strange adverts for masseurs and premium rate chat lines are. By the way, I read today in your paper that Elvis is alive and well and working at McDonalds in Scunthorpe. I would have thought he would have at least worked in Leeds because they have lots of karaoke places there and with his experience he would do quite well and supplement his income.

Anyway coming to the point of my letter, I am not an angst ridden teenager and I don't have spots, pimples yes quite a lot of those.

My love life is good because we used to have sex every third Tuesday when there is a C in the month.

Back to the point; I don't have work worries as I don't work. I don't have health problems as my blood pressure is only twice the national average and I only have major headaches every other day. I put that down to the two bottles of red wine I have to have most nights because I heard that if you drink red wine, your heart won't get sick and stop at an inconvenient time. I am a bit overweight, about three stone I think but I’m not sure as the scales broke last time I used them.

I should cut down on junk food but I don’t have to cook that, I just order it over the phone or I did before they cut me off and that’s a pain as I get out of breath if I have to walk further than the toilet. Anyway, my way of thinking is that burgers are soft and as my teeth dropped out when I forgot to brush my teeth for about thirty years, it’s easy to eat the stuff just using my quite adequate gums.

All this healthy lifestyle stuff is nonsense. My Granddad smoked like a fish and drank like a chimney and he lived until he was 92 and a half so I want to follow in his footsteps.

Getting to the point, I live in a nice place, the council have let me live there rent free for years, I get these funny letters which are red sometimes, but as I don't read them, I don't have any problems; as what I don't know I don't worry about. Sometimes people knock on the door, but as I hide behind the sofa, they go away.

When I went to the job centre, the nice lady said what are you good at? I said nothing so she said you are good for nothing then and I said yes. She tried to get me to go to a job assessment place but I said I had a sick family I need to look after. She said what are the sick of? and I said me but she didn't get the joke.

Anyway the reason that I am writing is that my wife has left me and I don't know why, can you help?

Yours Sincerely

Worried of Hartlepool.

PS if you can't put my letter in the paper can you send me private letter but not a red one because I won't open those.

PPS if you can spare five pounds or better yet ten, I will pay you back as soon as possible.

PPPS Are you married?

Dear Worried of Hartlepool,

I have read you letter with some concern.

You appear to have let yourself go slightly. Your wife, being more sensible and of a higher intelligence has left you and you wonder why?

Perhaps, if you had got off your backside and got a job she may have stayed, but it is unlikely.

Maybe you should have looked at your personal hygiene some years ago. Brushing your teeth is good for you and not doing it for thirty years probably means that you are a dentists’ nightmare and by the way, I can smell your breath from here.

Thank you for the photo, enclosed with your grease stained letter.

After getting over the shock, I could see from the photo that your face looks far from clean. Under the beard (perhaps you cannot be bothered to shave?) and in between the interesting collection of boils, I found it difficult to distinguish whether you are of a swarthy complexion or just plain grimy, I suspect the latter. There is a little known process called washing that may alleviate the problems that you have regarding the boils and I suggest that you try it occasionally.

Regarding your financial problems; red letters normally mean that you should really start paying some bills. I refer to paragraph three to help remedy this problem. I would suggest trying working for McDonalds as it would kill too birds with one stone, so to speak; your love of greasy fast food and the cash to pay for it and other bills. I regret though, they have high standards and insist on staff having a maximum of ten boils/pimples per face. (this condition is waved for teenagers for obvious reasons).

Returning to your liking of junk food, I can sympathise if you had a job or were too busy to cook. As you are neither, I respectfully suggest that you learn to cook at least the occasional boiled egg or, maybe eat some fruit. Bananas are easy to peal and should not tax your brain too much. If that is too hard for you, try biting into an apple as there is no peeling involved. (I am assuming here that you have any teeth left, of course).

Regarding advice about your wife, I sincerely feel that she is better off without you as you appear to be a selfish son of a pig, although saying that, I do the pig a disservice. If you do as I suggest, which I doubt, you may have one chance in a thousand of getting her back; I am not, however holding my breath on that.

If you need any further advice, I suggest you write to another paper as I am choosy as to who reads The Daily Crapper.

Yours dismissively,

Aunt Enid

PS I am married but even if I wasn’t….enough said.

I have noticed that there appears to be a bit of a drop off re reader hits for my stories.

I was wondering if it's because they are bad stories (sob; hits head against convenient brick wall) or if it's just a general trend as there is so much good stuff to read and people have not got the time to read everything.

Could any of you wonderful writers out there give some feedback to say if it's the same with you.

Also,do we know if reader numbers generally are going up?

Hugs
Sue

My broadband is back and finally working OK, (Wooohoo!)No more having to speak Outer Mongolianese to sort out my internet woes.

Anyway, I was going to start a new chapter of Working Girl. To refresh my poor memory, I went back over the previous chapter and saw that I had made a lot of silly mistakes in formatting and spelling.

This kind of annoyed me as I had gone over the thing a couple of times before posting, for once.

The problem is that I have dyslexia and because of this, I miss things that normal people can pick up easily.

I use spell checker and stuff like that but still, stuff gets through.

So, I apologise in advance for any whoppers that I might make and hope that it doesn’t detract from the enjoyment too much!

I have used the kind services of Kristina and Gabi in the past to sort out my mistakes in spelling and grammar. They were brilliant and long suffering but I hate imposing on busy people and I also like the immediacy of free flow writing.

Are there any other writers out there who have a similar problem?

Worried Sue from flat Lincolnshire, UK

I have to apologise for not posting the next chapter of Football Girl - unfortunately work commitments have got in the way.

It seems unlikely, unless I win the lottery or find that I have a previously unknown rich aunt who passes away leaving me her fortune, that I will be able to post again until towards the end of the month.

Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible.

Hugs
Sue

I haven't been able to access Gabyzone since early today. is it just me or is there a problem?

Hugs
Sue

Strange things are happening. It's not Halloween. There isn't a full moon. Nasty beasties, as far as I know are not roaming 'out there'.

But I'm puzzled and perplexed. Something is not right with the world. Things may not be as they seem.

Why?

Well, Home Alone Book 2 ~ Moving on ~ Chapter 7 has had no less than 941 hits, but and this is the strange bit, Chapter 8 has had 1001 hits!

This is akin to Watching Dallas series 4 (The one where JR got shot, before the last episode of series 3, telling you why the bugger got shot in the first place.

Perhaps it's also similar to eating the pudding before the starters.

Is there a conspiracy? Are things not quite right? Is butter better than margarine? Are the 60 extra hits on Chapter 8 significant? Am I paranoid?

Who knows. All I can say is, don't always trust the figures. Things may be happening that we don't know about.

Hugs and shivers.

Sue (looking over the shoulder) Brown

Having recently completed my entry for the latest competition; it got me thinking about what makes a sucessfull story.

The story was quite long in excess of 22k. Hits and feedback were quite low compared to my other writings.

I have always believed in the 'grab their attention quickly' school of thinking when writing short stories. Perhaps the opening lines may have put people off...

Dearest Louise,

When you read this, I will be gone.

I need you to know that it wasn’t your fault; it was just one of those things.

The story implies that Hannah was going to commit suicide, does that put people off? maybe some, but I felt that it was an important aspect of the story and kept the tension high; you know, will she, won't she? The fact that it had an happy ending may not be evident if the reader does not finish or even start reading it.

I'm wondering now that if I had not started with the 'suicide' thing, I might have had more of a response, who know?

Then it got me thinking about what is popular here, complete stories, serials, drabbles, sad, happy, light and fluffy, serious, angst ridden?

Many of the stories on this site are comedies, school life and how girls transition. Also, many of the most popular stories are serials. It makes me wonder what people prefer as many of our readers don't leave comments or vote. It would be nice to have some sort of poll thingie where people vote for their favourite types of stories; that way, authors, if they want to can try to fulfill that need.

Just a few semi random thoughts on the subject...

Hugs
Sue

Please note the following web page regarding instant updates on the whereabouts of Santa this Christmas.

http://www.noradsanta.org/en/home.html

Hugs
Sue

Its no good, I have to admit it. I have been torturing myself for ages now. I wake up at night in a cold sweat. I'm sure that others have admitted to themselves and I admire them for doing so.

It started in a small way and then before I knew it, I was doing it more and more. I couldn't stop myself. Of course others warned me. I was going too far. I had to stop it before things got out of hand. Perhaps I should have seen a shrink or go to some sort of support group where I had to stand up and admit to it. But no, being stubborn, I never did.

Now it might be too late.

Yes I suffer from cliffhangeritis and I think that I need help. Is there anyone out there who could h...

Jezzi has said that she would like to continue The Challenge and I look forward to seeing her chapter.

Sue.

To my several loyal (if somewhat mad) readers, I have to say that I am once again off to the wide blue yonder on my late summer hols.

The little darlings (kids) are going back to school, leaving the way clear for me and the better half to go exploring the hills (and pubs) of Yorkshire.

We are staying a stones throw away from Last Of The Summer Wine Country. For those of you from our late and present colonies and other far flung places with unpronounceable names, The Last Of The Summer Wine is a comedy that has been on TV from Victorian times. I will put a link at the bottom, for those interested.

I look forward to long walks in the rain, smelly socks, wellies and the lovely views.

We will, of course, wear the clogs off our dog Gemma, with all the walking in the clean (if wet)air. She needs the exercise as much as we do after all. After loosing a whole load of calories with the exercise, we will, with some dedication put said calories back on via fish and chips, cream cakes and the downing of the local ale.

So there it is, we are on hols from the weekend. I doubt if anyone will miss my stories as it appears quieter here than usual. Even Angharad's Easy As, etc )hasn't had it's normal, 2 thousand comments lately. ( I'm not jealous, really I'm not. Well I am, but don't tell her!).

Anyway, enough of my rambling. I'm off to count my tent pegs and check the dog for any signs of incipient wood rot in the clog department.

Sue

http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/lastofthesummerwine/index.shtml

P.S, I expect to see at least seven more EAFOAB's from Ang; another chapter of Unicorn from Sarah, An Auntie episode from Gabi and a neat titbit from Kristina L.S; no pressure girls!

A friend of mine told me this little snippet:

Pick up a mirror, lie on your back and look at the reflection of your face; this is what you looked like ten years ago.

Sit up and look at your face in the mirror; this is obviously what you look like now.

Put the mirror on your bed/ floor and look down at your reflection; this is what you will look like in ten years time.

Talk about depressing! I was quite cheerful until she told me this and I was stupid enough to try it.

Anyone for Botox?

I would like to apologise to my several readers (including my dog Gemma, and cats, Biscuit and Ellie), for the infrequent updates to my stories.

It is a tale of woe to match any saga.

There I was on the Internet, surfing away merrily, a light song on my lips, when suddenly it happened.

My connection dropped.

After screaming a few choice naughty words, I checked my router by thumping it; no joy. I then cursed it; no help. I even switched it off and on again - nope.

I had had problems before with my provider and because of this, I had requested a MAC number and told them that I was transferring to somewhere that didn’t have a call centre in Outer Mongolia and above all a call centre that was staffed by English speaking people; not ones that only conversed in Outer Mongolianese and with an expertise on par with a particularly thick amoeba.

Unfortunately, Tiscali, my ISP didn’t just send me a MAC number, oh no, they then kindly cancelled the line and service immediately, leaving me high and dry. Hence I do not have broadband and I only have the dreaded dial up connection that takes an hour to load a page — well it seems like that, anyway. Much of my work uses the Internet and now that I have only have dial up, it will take a lot more time to do what I have to do.

Hence, there will be some delays in posting stories for which I humbly apologise.

Normal service will, I hope be back up and running by next week.

Frustrated hugs
Sue

Looking at the lack of comments on the latest chapter of Working Girl (1 comment - thanks stanman), I was thinking maybe that the story may not grip the readers as much as I hoped. If that is the case, I feel that it may be a good idea to give her a rest for a bit and let her enjoy the cruise.

This isn't me throwing my dummy (pacifier) out of the pram, it's just that there are so many good stories on here at the moment, people are spoilt for choice and it's possible that Working Girl is running out of steam or isn't going in the right direction for the readers.

It will give me more time to concentrate on my other stories too. One worry is that the quality of my writing (if quality is the right word) might suffer if I start getting hang ups over this.

Anyway thats just my thinking at the moment.

Hugs
Sue

It is time for the annual pilgrimage to see ones grandchild.

I know you say, she can’t be that old, she writes like an overactive teenager on steroids. (you do say that, don’t you?)

Well I could say I was a child bride or groom if you were being picky and mean and that my daughter was born shortly after; or I could even say that I just picked up the grandchild from Tescos (big supermarket, owns half of the UK) on a special offer; but no, I must tell the truth; I am a grandparent who probably would not win the glamorous granny contest anywhere but Outer Mongolia. Even there, I would come third after the yeti in a tutu.

Anyway, my grandson lives in the outer reaches of Dorset, near some beaches, so it is highly likely that I will have to take a bucket and spade and submit myself to being buried in sand up to my neck several times a day.

What is wrong with that I hear you say? Well the grandchild, being three years old, has the attention span of a gnat and he will probably forget where the venerable grandparent is buried and go off for an ice cream with his adoring Mummy.

Hence, you will not have the pleasure (or possibly not) of reading any more chapters of my stories until I return, fortified and buoyed up with the knowledge that I have fulfilled my grandparently duty for another year.

If, however, you do not hear from me again, it is likely that the tide has come in and they didn’t get to me in time.

Hugs
Sue

There I was last night huddling over a dim candle, blanket around my shoulders , shivering into my cocoa, trying to make sense of the latest chapter of Orphan.

In the end, I noticed the clock and decided that I would just have to send it out as it was.

So with a quick copy and paste and a final swig of my now cold drink, I posted the thing and went to bed, safe in the knowledge that it was on Top Shelf and all was now well with the world.

I read with horror this morning that I had c**cked it up again and had somehow pasted chapter 13 with 14.

All I can say is sorry and prostrate myself before you in the hope that you will forgive me and not deduct votes for stupidity.

I leave my fate to you.

Humble Sue

Hi all,

I was wondering if there was anyone out there who would be willing to proof read my stories.

I have been looking through my previous scribblings and have noted that I am not as good as would like to be, gramatically wise.

I am dyslexic and that doesn't help much as it sometimes makes me blind to my faults and errors.

So if there is anyone who has the time, please let me know.

Hugs
Susan

I was on the M25 the other day on the way to picking up my significant other from Mummy in Law.

For those lucky enough not to live in, near, around or have to encounter the M25, it is the motorway that bypasses London. You can go all around it and pick your exit to bring you near to your destination without having to go through London.

That's the theory anyway. More often than not, it's the biggest car park in the UK where motorists have the time to read War and Peace whilst waiting for the traffic to move.

Anyway. I was sitting there contemplating my navel, when I decided to listen to a CD, One of those greatest hits ones that come free with a packet of cornflakes.

I slipped the CD and it was swallowed whole by my CD player without so much as a burp.

Then I heard it...Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen.

Immediately, I had shivers up my spine and I had an extreme case of Goose-bump-itis.

Are there any songs that give you that feeling as soon as you start to hear it?

Sue

Having returned somewhat damp from my holiday in the sunny (not) Pennines. (In the good old UK, for those without an adequate sound geographic education). I swiftly put on my writing hat and got stuck in.

I beavered away, sweat on brow, fingers aching from the strain, brain doing cartwheels as I tried to second guess what my several avid readers would want from me. I was worried that my stories would be buried under an avalanche of good quality stories.

I woke up late at night screaming after having a nightmare where my stories were put up on the site, only to disappear under the sheer weight of new top notch stuff and falling to the bottom of the pile quicker than certain banks share prices.

Looking at the current stories, the said top notch stuff is there, but not in the vast quantities that I had hoped for.

Hence my query about the dreaded lurgi. Maybe it could be writers cramp or God forbid THE BLOCK? Is there some nasty invidious virus seeping up from our keyboards rendering our creativity null and void?

Being British I, of course, have a stiff upper lip and that may give me some resistance to the dreaded writing malaise. Angharad, being Welsh (I think) probably does something with the wild leaks roaming the hill and valleys in packs.

Others may use garlic or other natural things to ward off the writers block, who knows. What I do know is that we need more stories. So all of you other girls, get writing and lets have more stuff to read!

Perish the thought, I was even tempted to brush off my paperback edition of War and Peace last night and I have even contemplated reading Herman Neville's Moby Dick, being that desperate for reading material.

So get writing girls; your public needs you!

*Explanation of The Dreaded Lurgi http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-dre1.htm

or if you are really interested in The Goons; http://www.thegoonshow.co.uk/scripts/lurgi.html

As I sit here, contemplating my navel, pulling out the inevitable fluff and trying to think of how Olivia is going to get out of the sinister clutches of Bill Sykes, I am having one of my normal thrice a day incidents of writers block.

In an attempt to unblock my brain, I remembered someone once saying that if you have a problem and you don’t know the answer, forget about it and do something else, so I thought about of all things The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

I recalled the bit where a Race of hyper-intelligent pan-dimensional beings built a computer named Deep Thought to calculate the answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything. It came up with the answer 42.

This could be correct, you never know as life is funny like that. Is it sillier than imagining that we on earth are the only intelligent beings in the universe?

There may be a lack of total proof that others exist elsewhere but it doesn’t mean that there isn’t.

Perhaps some pan-dimensional beings have visited us, taken one look at some of the drivel on TV (soaps being one example and so called reality programs being another) perhaps sampled a Big Mac, have shaken their collective heads/tentacles and gone elsewhere.

As for the meaning of life? A difficult one for me, all I know is that I am going to have a babel fish and chips from the takeaway tonight and I’ll leave it at that.

Now back to the story…

So there I was, banging away at the keyboard, smoke coming out of it due to the speed of my single digit frenzy, proud that I can type at least ten words a minute as long as said words are not too long.

Yes another Orphan chapter was taking place. then my digits crossed as I was trying to type e with my left hand and p with my right. After untangling the mess and unknotting my damaged fingers, I started thinking.

Now thinking for me is dangerous, I go off in tangents and the result is that my beloved story, crafted and honed to imperfection gets left behind as I start 'thinking'.

How many novels could I write if I could type with more than one finger on each hand? War and Peace?; those huge great things by James Clavell; perhaps the occassional Harry Potter type book so I can make my millions?

If I can type at ten words a minute using two fingers can I write at eighty words a minute if I use eight? and what about the thumbs, are they useful for anything other than holding things and thumbing a lift? Surely, those great wordsmiths must use their thumbs too?

Deep thoughts.

Are well I had better continue with the story..........

Sue

She who must obeyed and I are going to the pictures tonight. We are seeing a film called The Bucket List.

It's evidently about two old codgers who are terminally ill and decide to do some exciting things before they fall off this mortal coil. Sounds a bit cheesy and contrived, but hey, so are most of my stories so I'll go there with an open mind and even more open wallet to see if it's an OK film.

It got me thinking (a dangerous thing for me) about what I would like do if I knew that I had a finite time to live and I'm hail and hearty enough to do things.

Top of my list would be to visit places that I have never been to and wanted to see like Niagara Falls, The Grand Canyon, Table Top Mountain, The Taj Mahal and a McDonald's that was clean.

I would like to dive off the Barrier Reef. Sky Dive and Bungee Jump.

I would like to go out dressed as a girl and not give a toss whether I passed or not.

I would like to kick my old boss in the goolies for being nasty to me.

That's just for starters.

What would you do?

As I sit here eating a few Pringles crisps and wondering if I have the energy to scratch my belly button and possible remove fluff from said orifice, I decided to have a look at the reader count on some of my stories.

Whilst being gratified and somewhat smug that I seem to be liked by one or two people, my razor sharp eyes locked onto something rather interesting.

A while back, I wrote two stories almost back to back. I was in a frenzy of creativity and said creative juices were running out of my fingers and making a hell of a mess on my keyboard.

Anyway, to cut a short story even shorter, I saw that to date my story entitled Panties received 2061 hits and the other story called Sixpence received only 867 hits.

Well, I thought, what’s that all about? My conclusion after much head scratching and inner contemplation etc, was that my readers may have been more attracted by the name Panties rather than Sixpence. I know, I know, you put your collective hands up in horror. It cannot be! Surely we are all little angels, unsullied by nasty, ickie sexual connotations. We all, of course prefer Mary Poppins to say, Marquis De Sade.

However, purely as a market research exercise, of course, I am considering whether my next story should be called Sex and Lust on the Kitchen Table.

Sue

Me being an inquisitive little devil I got to thinking again.

As I doodled away drawing matchstick men and girls on a piece of paper (not as good as Lowry, but I live in hope) whilst waiting for my digestive juices to awaken; I thought to myself a somewhat profound thought....Where do we all come from?

No I wasn't being all religious or Steven Hawkingish, I was just wondering where all us girls on BCTS came from, location wise. It would be interesting to know. I come from England, but I have Irish and Scottish blood, so I always was a crazy mixed up kid. I know some girls come from Wales, a lot come from the good old US of A. Some come from Canada ( do Canadians like the USA and visa versa? Is there a rivalry of some sort?)... What about Australia and NZ, how many come from there?

Perhaps there are girls from Hawaii, Norway, Iceland or Wagga Wagga, mind you, thinking about that, I think that is in Australia; geography was never my strong point. How about Tibet or Iraq...maybe some girls are from India or China. It would be interesting to find out how universal our little corner of the web is. Perhaps Erin or Bob Arnold have stats to show how universal our little home on the web is?

Enough rambling...back to my best friend Cliff Hanger......

Sue

Just to let you all know that I will be on holiday for one week from Saturday; so I won't be doing any more Orphan until I get back. (Hooray I hear you shout).

I am going to The Peak District. It's going to be such fun; me, the wife and neurotic dog in a caravan up the side of a Peak. The weather forecast stinks and I don't know why we do it. I love the great outdoors, but not from the inside of a steamed up caravan when its p*****g down outside.

Never mind, they say a change is as good as a rest. I'm not sure of that, but still at least there is a pub down the road that takes dogs- not sure about humans though, but I'll find out soon enough.

Hugs
Sue

Due to popular demand (well my cat liked the story) I have decided that in the new year I will continue with Working Girl.

I thought of an outstanding title for it:

Working Girl 2

Pithy and straight to the point eh?

If any of you creative types out there can think of a better title, please let me know.

I can promise that all the regular characters will be in it and that no pickles will be harmed in the production of the book. (Can't say that about the odious Davis though as I have unfinished business with him).

Hugs
Sue

As I bask in the warmness of having written another chapter of Kidnapped (subtle advert...or what?) my mind turns, as it often does to my stomach. My S.O is, as I write, slaving over a hot microwave and I drool at the thought of my up and coming repast.

One singe brain cell then woke up and jiggled my elbow. What, it said, or rather who would you like to have as dinner guests if you had the choice of fictional TG characters?

Hmmm, right, I thought, lets have a little think............

I limited myself to six guests as that seems reasonable to get the thing going.

1. Bob Arnold's feisty Jeniffer Stevens.
2. Angharad's Cathy Watts (with Spike if she can find the time between having babies).
3. Gabi Bunton's Aunt Greta as she can tell us about the war and supply some woolton pie.
4. Ellen Hayes's Tuck..just because he/she is plain weird.
5. Aunt Jane, I do like strong women. I know she's not TG, but this is my list...so I make the rules.
6. Admiral Crunch's Christina Chase...mainly because i am dying to know what happens next (no pressure).

Well that's my six, you can see from the above the type of characters I like to read about. I know the idea isn't original and it's been done before, but, who cares it's just a bit of fun.

So, who would you have?

As I sit here in front of my steam driven computer (it needs upgrading - I think), I was wondering about my latest story.

Opening up a PM from one of my dear friends over the pond, she was aghast that I was actually posting on Thanksgiving Day, then realising her mistake (I'm from the UK) she backtracked slightly.

That wasn't really the point of this post, but it did make me think once again about differences in culture and in particular sports.

My latest story has football (soccer) element in it. After sending the first chapter to Gabi, my wunderbar editor, I mentioned that the story would probably have a limited appeal because of the fact that it had chunks of football in it.

When I read stories with baseball or American football, I tend to skip over the sporty bits as I don't really understand the games.

I was wondering whether anyone else does that and if a sports oriented story puts people off reading or not.

Anyway, for my American friends, I hope that you had a nice thanksgiving and didn't get too stuffed with pumpkin pie (sounds revolting, but I love pie, mash and liquor* so who am I to talk).

Hugs

Sue

*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pie_and_mash

Once again, I have been thinking.

This is a dangerous thing for me and was sparked by a comment made on the latest instalment of Olivia Twist.

Now I have gotten my shameless plug out of my system, one of the commenters (is that the right term?)
Annette said and I quote:

... I wasn't sure if you could carry it off. I am impressed. And, you've done it with so many fewer words than Mr. Dickens did to begin with. :-)

I am a great admirer of Charles Dickens as you may be vaguely aware, and he never used one word where three words would do.

I am re reading Heinlein's Stranger in a Strange Land, a classic in science fiction. Once again, I love his works but he too suffered at times with verbal diarrhoea. The original published work had 160,000 and this was a cut down version of the original 220,000 plus complete version, thought too big for publication. Having read both, I feel that the loss of words did not take too much away from the story.

When writing shortish fiction or short stories, I have to physically restrain myself from using two or three words where one will do.

Tolkien was another word smith who used a lot of words where it could have been just as effective if he cut say 10% of his output. However it is hard to discipline oneself and stick to the literary point.

How many people are put off reading great novels due to the sheer size of them?

I don't know, anyway, as an avid reader and one who always has my head in a book, I would like to read more new books in my lifetime and if they were say 10% shorter, that means I would be able to read 10% more books.

By the way, I read the Rise and Fall of The Third Reich and at 1245 pages,that was a bloody big one too! But to be fair it did have a lot of ground to cover.

Hugs

Sue Eye Strain Brown