“Nice dress dude!” some kids yelled as they passed by.
His heart was crushed as he ran back to the bathroom and changed into his pirate garbs. He was humiliated. After all the buildup and fantasizing he had done for this night, it ended in a miserable disappointment. Everything was left in the restroom as he went home without any candy…destroyed.
And so he lay in bed thinking of the immense urge to be a girl that seemed like such a joke
It took all the courage he had to don the wig and get all dressed up as a girl tonight. Sure it was Halloween and everyone wore some kind of costume, but he paid the utmost attention to all aspects of his. His plan was pulled off with perfect execution. He used the service station’s public restroom to switch from his pirate costume into the outfit he stashed in the duffel bag.
The bag contained a collection of female garments he had acquired from various means the last several months. His mom’s bra, panty and pantyhose, a pretty flowered dress and heels he “borrowed” from his cousin’s closet and the wig he bought from the department store. It was a little funny. It didn’t quite look like the Hannah Montana hairdo the package portrayed but it was long and should have done the trick. The makeup, once again, was his cousin's. He was hoping he could replace it before she realized it was missing. Everything was in place and carefully planned. He had practiced this night for weeks. The makeup went on with pride as did all the other articles.
Billy looked at his reflection in the mirror of the beat-up bathroom. His heart sunk as he stared back at a boy wearing a dress and wig. Why didn’t he look like a girl? Maybe he was just being too critical. He knew what he looked like and maybe he just couldn’t get over the boy underneath it all. Perhaps the outside world would only see a teenage girl.
He took a deep breath and turned the knob of the bathroom door. He went into the adjacent neighborhood to avoid being discovered and proceeded to knock on some doors to get an honest reaction. He fantasized about what the responses would be. “My don’t we look pretty tonight.” “Such a pretty girl…why didn’t you dress up as a princess or tinkerbell?”
He gently tapped the first door.
“Well, now that is funny! That is a very pretty dress… great sense of humor young man,” The woman chuckled. She was obviously looking at a boy in drag and saw the comedy in that.
The second house fared no better.
“Now this is a sight! Was this your idea or did a female in your life put you up to this?”
And so it continued for the next several houses. Not one single person even considered the thought that he was a girl.
“Nice dress dude!” some kids yelled as they passed by.
His heart was crushed as he ran back to the bathroom and changed into his pirate garbs. He was humiliated. After all the buildup and fantasizing he had done for this night, it ended in a miserable disappointment. Everything was left in the restroom as he went home without any candy…destroyed.
And so he lay in bed thinking of the immense urge to be a girl that seemed like such a joke after tonight.
“Wake up punk! Time for drills.”
Billy opened his eyes and saw his 18 year old brother Tom towering above him.
“Dude, do you have makeup on?” Tom asked noticing some dark rings under Billy’s eyes.
“Yeah, duh, it was Halloween last night. I was a pirate.”
“Well you better get that crap off before dad sees it.”
Billy went to the bathroom and washed his face thoroughly and put on his shorts and t-shirt.
He headed downstairs where his three brothers were already stretching.
Tom was the oldest at 18 and was the epitome of a stud. He was the captain of the football team and seemed to be successful at just about everything he did.
Eric was 16 and idolized his older brother. Although not as athletically gifted, he played every sport he could fit in. Where Tom had the natural talent, Eric possessed the drive.
Jonathon was the baby of the family at 8 years old. He was always bouncing off the walls and getting into trouble…a true boy!
Then there was Billy. He fell in the middle at 14 years. He did not possess the natural athletic ability or the drive to succeed in sports like his two older siblings. He didn’t care to either. He found himself in limbo. He had felt like a girl since he knew that boys were different than girls.
Their pretty dresses, ribbons in their long hair, the dolls and cute little toys were all so desirable to him.
But here he was stuck in a boy’s body living a boy’s life with no escape.
His dad was a military man who ran his house as if it were part of that military. Rules were to be followed or else there would be hell to pay. Exercises in the morning before school, chores were to be finished on time and completed properly and there better not be any whining. He expected his boys to be men and men don’t whine… don’t even think of crying.
Billy’s mom was the glue that held the family together. She was far too submissive and definitely fit the old school mold of what a woman’s role should be, but she loved her children and countered her tough husband with sensitivity and caring.
After the 30 minute workout Billy headed to take a quick shower before getting ready for school. He was still distraught over how crappy last night was. He really thought that it was going to be an amazing experience that he could cling to as a bright memory in his otherwise mundane life. His reflection in the mirror was all the explanation he needed though. The daily workouts really sculpted and toned his teenage body. No wonder he looked so ridiculous in the dress last night. His body was the furthest thing from feminine. The sinking feeling engulfed him. That feeling seemed to be coming with much more frequency lately as he realized that he was stuck with no way out with a body that continued to get more and more masculine with each passing day.
Billy knew all there was to know about his condition. He identified with being transsexual and read about women who had successfully transitioned living full, happy lives. Why couldn’t he be like them? He knew about teenage transsexuals whose parents fully supported them. There was no way his dad would be like that.
He witnessed amazing transitions but also saw the drastic effects that testosterone has on the body. Some people are lucky with genetics and have softer features making them passable females. Others are not so lucky. Billy looked at his older brothers and the way they had changed from puberty. They were undeniably masculine with deep voices, large brows and height. Billy was doomed!
There was that sinking feeling again. He knew that it was his turn. Puberty was hitting him and he was very conscious of how his body would be irreversibly changed. The thought crushed him.
Female hormones. He knew all about them and they were his savior. He was aware that they would stop the testosterone from harming him and help him obtain the body he so wanted. If only he was able to take them. He felt such a sense of urgency as time was so short. He constantly found himself daydreaming about having a supply of hormones and developing a girl’s body. Oh what a dream!
You see Billy had a drive for sure. The drive was not one for playing sports or for being able to lift the heaviest weights. No, the drive that consumed Billy was the pursuit of obtaining female hormones so that he could be able to wear that dress and not have people stare...the unquenchable desire to be just a normal girl.
Billy had a plan. A plan with amazing risk - but the risk was worth it!
He was ready.
“OK, look kid, I don’t want your mom to be pissed off so I’ll make an exception especially if its only paper stuff. I’ll mark this as a “no sign” this time.”
“Thanks!”
Billy grabbed the package and went through the back gate. He opened the package in a hurry and pulled out the pills. It was almost surreal that he had them in his possession. He unzipped his backpack and hid them at the bottom.
While the two women were lounging out by the pool, Billy slyly opened his Aunt’s purse and pulled out her wallet. He slid the credit card out and nervously wrote down all the pertinent information needed.
He worked quickly and returned everything as it had been before.
Later that night, Billy opened up the web page of the clinic that had the hormones he was looking for. He added the estradiol and spiro to his online cart. He bought the highest available mg and purchased enough for 6 months in case his Aunt caught on that her credit card had been used. With the hit of a button the drugs were ordered.
Knowing that the package could not arrive at his house, Billy entered the address of the vacant house down the street for next day delivery.
He knew he would have to miss school that day to be at the house when the order arrived. The punishment his dad would give him for ditching school was pretty scary, but he knew that he had to do this.
So Billy headed off to school as usual but took a b-line for the vacant house. He waited patiently near the back gate for the truck to arrive. He was nervous and unsure if he would even be able to get the delivery man to give him the package. The one thing he had going for him was that according to the website, the package would be labeled as “office supplies” instead of “female hormones”. He figured that a lot of people on hormones didn’t want others to know they were.
Suddenly the big brown truck pulled up to the house and the man in brown approached the front door with a medium size package.
He rang the door bell and knocked a few times. Billy waited patiently behind the side of the house hoping the man would just leave the package at the door. He wasn’t so lucky. The UPS man began to return to his truck carrying the package.
Billy ran out from the side of the house.
“Excuse me; can I help you with something?”
“Yes, I have a package for Mrs. Stevens. Is this your house?”
“Yep, that’s my mom. She’s sleeping right now. She has really bad sinuses. I can take the package though.”
“Sorry kid, but I need an adult signature.”
“It’s only some paper and envelopes. She’s going to be upset if she missed the delivery. I’ll go wake her up I guess but she’s going to be cranky.”
“OK, look kid, I don’t want your mom to be pissed off so I’ll make an exception especially if its only paper stuff. I’ll mark this as a “no sign” this time.”
“Thanks!”
Billy grabbed the package and went through the back gate. He opened the package in a hurry and pulled out the pills. It was almost surreal that he had them in his possession. He unzipped his backpack and hid them at the bottom.
Billy ran to school to try to finish his day and keep under the radar from any call to his parents.
As soon he got home, Billy ran up to his bathroom and locked the door. He opened his backpack and pulled out the pills.
He knew exactly what to do from all his research online. His opened up the estradiol and the spiro bottles and pulled out the pills.
Billy took a long look at himself in the mirror trying to take in how big this first step was. Was he ready for this?
He knew that changes would come but it all seemed so surreal. He would deal with those changes when they arrived.
He saw the gleam in his eyes. This was his salvation! Billy grabbed the two pills and popped them in his mouth. He took a big sip of water and swallowed them down.
An enormous sense of peace and “rightness” overcame him.
It had begun.
“I don’t know what it is dad, I’m trying my best.”
“Before you finish up son, you need to give me those final 7 push-ups”
“Yes dad” Billy replied as he saved those until the end and pushed them out.
This was becoming a big concern that would have to be addressed. How was Billy going to explain the gradual loss of strength? Was he getting in way over his head? Should he call it quits on the hormones? This may not be the right time.
He slept like a baby with a sense of calm that he had never felt before.
He got up and looked at the mirror on his door. Did he look different? Of course he didn’t but he stared nonetheless.
“Stop checking yourself out dork!” Billy’s younger brother Jonathon yelled. They both shared the bedroom which usually didn’t bother Billy that much.
What would happen when he changed though? Billy thought about it for a second but it seemed like such a distance away. Billy was the kind of kid who lived for the present. In the back of his mind he knew that things may get out of control from the hormonal effects, but he would worry about that when it came. For now, he just knew that he felt wonderful from the fact that female hormones were coursing through his body.
As usual, the boys met downstairs to do their daily exercise.
“You seem like you are in good spirits today Billy. Get a good night’s sleep?” his Dad asked.
“Yes Dad, I feel like I could conquer the world!”
“Good good good…give me an extra 5 push-ups then.”
His other siblings giggled as Billy happily gave his dad another 5.
It took a couple days for Billy to notice the first breakthrough…the usual erection that enveloped his pajama bottoms was not there.
He had grown accustomed to the “morning wood” and would constantly try to hide it until it lessened. His brothers were just the opposite as they would joke about theirs as most boys do.
There it was…or wasn’t. His penis was limp and felt like there wasn’t a great risk of it growing.
He cracked a smile.
Day after day Billy found that there was nothing going on down there in the morning or in the afternoon or anytime. Sure, he could still get it up although it took more effort than before. Even that sex drive had dropped significantly though. Where he once had masturbated once or twice daily, now it was once a week just out of habit.
Day 34 on hormones. It had been over a month now and not much had changed. Billy sort of forgot about the whole thing. He was used to his routine of taking his meds and the idea of his body changing was put in the back of his mind. It all seemed like such a distance away.
The one thing that was discernible though was how his daily exercise was becoming increasingly more difficult. His dad laid into him a lot as did his brothers who couldn’t understand why Billy was always whining about how hard everything was.
“Come on Billy, stop complaining about doing your push-ups! We know you can do 25 of them. You’ve been doing 25 for the last 4 months so suck it up and just do it!”
Billy had 15 pushups under his belt and tried his best to muster up another 10. 16…17…..ughhh…18…..
”I…..can’t!” Billy shouted as his arms gave way and he fell to the floor.
“Have you been eating alright Billy?” His dad asked, “A boy your age only gets stronger with exercise but you seem to be slipping.”
“I don’t know what it is dad, I’m trying my best.”
“Before you finish up son, you need to give me those final 7 push-ups”
“Yes dad” Billy replied as he saved those until the end and pushed them out.
This was becoming a big concern that would have to be addressed. How was Billy going to explain the gradual loss of strength? Was he getting in way over his head? Should he call it quits on the hormones? This may not be the right time.
After breakfast, Billy’s mom pulled him aside.
“Honey, Dad is worried about you struggling during exercise. Is everything ok? You are eating correctly and sleeping alright aren’t you?”
“Yeah Mom, I’m fine. Maybe I’m just going through a growing spurt and all my energy is going towards that.”
“As long as you are feeling OK, I will talk to Dad. You know how he is.”
“Yes Mom and I will try harder.”
This was indeed a big cause to worry. Billy knew his dad. He would not let up. The harder his exercises would become, the more his Dad would push and push and push.
This was not the right time.
He looked at himself in the bathroom mirror…pills in hand. If he stopped now he would go back to being riddled with testosterone. If he continued he would fall further behind and life would become hell. Talk about a no-win situation.
This hormone idea was bad thinking right now.
Billy dropped the pills back into their containers and tightened the seals.
He took a deep breath and broke into tears.
The repercussions of someone finding out that Billy was taking hormones were just too great. What would be his dad’s reaction? Would he be kicked out of the house? The shame that would be put on the family would be tremendous. Could he get more hormones once his supply dwindled? So many questions and so much pressure!
Billy knew that he had big ideals of who he wanted to be, but there was a tremendous wall that blocked his path. He accepted the reality that he would have to wait.
The next day he dumped the hormones into a trash can on the way to school. Although very reluctant, he realized that it was the only option.
Billy was a popular kid in school. He was a good looking boy with sandy blonde hair, blue eyes and a nice body which grabbed the girl’s attention.
He tended to pick and choose his friends carefully though.
Jenna and he were best friends since 1st grade. Some called them boyfriend and girlfriend because they were so close. Neither of them minded that title. They were very inseparable.
Adam was another long time friend. The two were polar opposites. Where Billy’s home-life was structured and rigid, Adam’s was very liberal and loose. Adam, being a rather plain-looking boy, envied Billy’s good looks and the way the girls would talk about him. As the three sat at the lunch table, Billy realized what a big mistake he was making by taking the hormones. The gravity of how much his life would change sunk in. He wasn’t ready to face all the attention, the ridicule, the change in status.
Over the next couple weeks Billy adjusted to the thought that he would remain a boy for the foreseeable future. The thought of what he was planning on doing with the hormones made him shake his head in disbelief. Dumb, dumb, dumb.
He wasn’t sure how long it would take for the hormones to wear off. He figured that he should be regaining his strength any day now.
The daily exercises continued to be very hard on Billy. His dad and brothers would push him to his limit which was way less than it used to be. In fact, his little brother seemed to be able to perform the drills with more ease then he.
Billy’s mom saw the daily struggles by her son and comforted him after all the taunting by the males in the family. She could see him giving a full effort and began to feel worried about the health of her boy. Her sons were all so masculine and excelled in anything physical. Why was Billy having so many issues?
Dad pulled Billy into his office.
“Son, you seem to be having trouble with your exercise. What seems to be the problem?”
“I don’t know dad. I’m trying my best. I think I might have been sick or something because I am pretty sure my strength is returning.”
“Hmmm. Okay, well I want to see you give it more effort. A couple months ago you were doing 25 push ups and today you could only do 12. In my opinion you are taking it too easy on yourself. You’re getting lazy.”
“Yes dad. I will do better. I promise.”
“I’ll hold you to that promise. Now your mom and I need to talk to all of you.”
With that, the whole family gathered in the living room.
Then the bombshell dropped.
“Sons, the country has called me to duty. I wanted to hold off on telling all of you until the end. I am heading to Afghanistan in 2 days. I will be gone for a year and it will be up to you boys to take care of your mom and the house. I expect things to remain as I have laid them out…no exceptions understood?”
“Yes dad”
“Good. There is nothing more honorable than being called to serve your country. I am extremely proud to serve. I will be keeping in close touch and expect things to remain tight around here. Understood?”
“Yes dad”
Dad was going away for a year? It was so odd to Billy how no one showed any emotion. It was like this had to be done so just accept it and move on. Even his mom was stone-faced.
A year with no dad? He thought for a second about throwing away the hormones. Should he have kept them? With dad gone this could have been a great opportunity!
NO WAY!
Billy wasn’t ready to take that road. Maybe he wouldn’t have to work out as much though which would be great for keeping his body softer.
Billy felt a wave of relief.
Sure he loved his dad, but a little less structure in the house would be a good thing.
“You look mesmerized Billy” Mom stated as she noticed him fixated on what she was doing.
“I just never noticed how at home you look in the kitchen. You are a pro mom!”
“Why don’t you come in a here and help then? I could teach you a few things.” Mom replied. She was sure that Billy would refuse. All the men in the family showed very little interest in anything that wasn’t a masculine ideal.
“Okay!” Billy quickly answered as he jumped up to help his mom.
“Hey! I’m getting up ok?!?” Billy retorted.
“You’re the last one up like usual. We are all waiting on you so get your lazy self downstairs.”
Billy reluctantly slid out of bed and put on his sweats.
It had been a month and a half since his dad departed yet things were still tough on Billy. His brothers stayed devoted to the morning routines that Dad had established. Why couldn’t everyone around here relax just a little?
Billy despised the morning exercise. He was very concerned as to why his strength had not returned as of yet. He had been off the hormones for over a month now and yet he still could not keep up with his old routine. In fact, he seemed to be gradually getting weaker. Did those hormones do some permanent damage? Surely any traces of them must be gone by now and his testosterone should be in full swing again. He didn’t understand.
After struggling another morning with his exercises, Billy dressed and headed to school. He felt so alienated from his brothers lately. He knew that they snickered about how he couldn’t keep up with the other males in the family. He also knew that he didn’t really care to keep up with the “boys” but the constant teasing really got to him at times.
“Hey bud, why the long face?” Jenna asked as they walked down the school hallway.
“It’s nothing. My brothers are just a bunch of jerks sometimes.”
“Are you still having trouble with your exercises?”
“Yep”
“You might want to get yourself checked out. Maybe you have some sort of imbalance with your body.”
“Maybe, but I just think that I’ve been in a rut that I need to get out of.”
“How are you going to do that?”
“Good question”
Jenna sympathized with Billy. She knew the whole family and saw how rough his brothers were at times. Billy never had any problem keeping up with them but there seemed to be something amiss with him lately. She noticed something different about Billy. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but there was something.
Later that evening, the boys were out playing as usual after school. Billy didn’t feel like roughhousing it and headed inside. He plopped himself on the couch and began flipping channels. He noticed that Mom was beginning to prepare dinner in the kitchen. He watched her from a distance for a while. She looked so comfortable in there and her food was always so great.
“You look mesmerized Billy” Mom stated as she noticed him fixated on what she was doing.
“I just never noticed how at home you look in the kitchen. You are a pro mom!”
“Why don’t you come in a here and help then? I could teach you a few things.” Mom replied. She was sure that Billy would refuse. All the men in the family showed very little interest in anything that wasn’t a masculine ideal.
“Okay!” Billy quickly answered as he jumped up to help his mom.
She was pleasantly surprised and flattered that her son found what she did of interest.
Over the next hour she showed him how to cut properly, mix a salad, peel vegetables and cook dinner. He was engulfed in the whole process and reveled in the chance to spend quality time with his mom. He let his guards down and felt that he didn’t have to put on a masculine front while in the kitchen.
Mom also noticed how much Billy seemed to enjoy helping in the kitchen. The chance to spend time with her son was such a thrill to her.
“You did such a good job with dinner Billy. Thank you!”
“You’re welcome mom. I really liked that. You are an amazing cook.”
“Well you are welcome to help me anytime. I so enjoyed spending time with you also.”
Billy was gleaming. He was stoked to be sending time with his mom. The time with her made him feel closer to his feminine side.
“I will definitely take you up on that offer mom!”
Dinner did turn out fantastic and as he ate Billy took particular pride in the job well done.
After dinner, Billy headed up to the bathroom and began taking a shower. As he washed his body, he noticed how his arms had lost some of their muscle tone. Was he just imagining things? He gave them a flex. Where was the bicep bulge? Even when he was taking the hormones he still had a bicep bulge when he flexed. What the heck?
He finished up the shower and toweled off. He checked out himself in the mirror. He did look less muscular for sure. He flexed once again…a small swell but no bulge whatsoever. He couldn’t understand what was going on. It made sense why his daily exercise was so hard. He didn’t have muscles anymore…or as big of muscles.
Maybe Jenna was right. Maybe there was some kind of imbalance!
He broke into a smile.
Perhaps there was something wrong with him, but the idea that his body was still not going back to being masculine thrilled him!
“Why the heck you like spending so much time in the kitchen Billy?” Eric asked his brother.
“I just like cooking is all. It’s fun to me.” Billy replied.
“I just like cooking is all. It’s fun to me.” Billy replied.
It had been a month since Billy first became interested in spending time with his mother in the kitchen. Barely a day went by without Billy helping his mother with dinner. The two had become very close and developed a great relationship with each other.
“Well it seems like a pretty sissy thing to do bro. You need to spend more time outside doing physical stuff big time. I mean look at you. You’re weak bro. Dad is going to be pissed when he finds out that you can’t even do 10 push ups now.”
“You’re not going to tell him are you?” Billy replied in a panic.
“No, I’m not gonna but you need to stop this weird freaking behavior.”
“I’ll think about it ok? I’m just trying to spend more time with mom too.”
“Gotcha. Suck it up and stop being such a wuss. Come on.” Eric stated as he joined his friends outside. Billy felt he had little choice and went outside to join in the action. The game: Tag Football.
Billy joined the group of neighborhood boys including his buddy Adam. He felt a little out of place since he didn’t have his strength back and was hoping he could rely on his speed to get him through the game.
Everything was going well although maybe a bit rough. “Tag” was just a starting point for the rowdy boys and it soon became tackle football. The ball was hiked and Billy received the pass. Crap! He kicked his stride into overdrive and ran as hard as he could. What the heck? Three boys were gaining on him at a very fast pace. He used to be the quickest kid on the block and now he was moving in slow motion.
“Move your ass Billy!” his brother yelled.
Slam! Suddenly he was barreled over by one of the boys. He fell hard onto the grassy field. Billy was stunned. It felt like he was hit by a Mac truck. He was used to being tougher than this. He gasped for air as the wind had been knocked out of him.
“You ok Billy?” Adam asked.
“Yes…that…really…hurt” he replied gasping for air.
“Come on bro, brush yourself off and get back in the game!” Eric yelled from across the way.
“Just relax for a minute if you need to. Don’t let your brother bother you.” Adam stated. Billy caught his breath but noticed that his elbows had been scuffed enough to bleed. He felt embarrassed that everyone’s eyes were on him as they not so patiently waited for him to suck it up and continue the game. It was then that something happened. Something stirred inside of Billy. It progressively built as the teasing continued.
“Dude, do you want me to call my sister to fill your spot?”
“Are we going to play or what? I thought your brother was tougher than that?”
“Hey Billy, are you ok? You doing alright?” Adam asked with concern at the teasing.
All that was building inside of Billy welled up until he could take no more. He bit his lip and tried to contain his emotions but they were too strong and it was way too late. His lower lip began to frown and quiver as the boys around him grew more impatient. Billy looked around, then suddenly, tears began forming in his eyes. He wiped them quickly, but it was beyond control.
“Damn Eric, your brother is crying man!”
“Oh hell no! I thought we only invited men to play?”
“My sister is home if you want to go play house or dolls.” As the teasing continued the tears flowed more and more. He became a complete mess and had no way to control his emotions so he did the first thing that came to mind. He ran!
No one bothered to follow him. He knew that they must have had a great laugh at his expense.
What happened?!?
His lack of speed was somewhat surprising but understandable since his strength had yet to return. That tackle did hurt like crazy but what was up with the crying? He had always been very much in control of his emotions. His dad instilled in them that showing emotion is a sign of weakness so why was he so helpless to his all of a sudden?
He composed himself and headed into the house.
“Did you have fun outside Billy?” his mom asked.
“Yeah mom, I just got bored so I decided to come in for a while.”
“Okay…oh my, what happened to your shirt?” she asked noticing the grass stains on the side.
“It’s nothing mom, I slipped out there on the wet grass.”
“Sweetie, your elbows…oh honey, they are all scraped up. Are you ok?” she asked.
The look on her face and the worry in her voice was all it took to trip Billy’s tear ducts. That barrier he had to protect his emotions from the outside world seemed non-existent.His eyes welled up with tears without notice.
“Oh baby, come here.” His mom sympathetically said as she gave him a big hug. She was stunned at how emotional her son was. It was so unlike any of her boys.
“I…got…hit…hard…and…every…one…made…fun…of…me” Billy sobbed.
“Those mean boys! That’s just how they are. It’s ok because I’m here for you now.”
“Thanks mom.”
“Can we get you cleaned up?”
“OK”
His mom treated his scrapes and got him all bandaged up. He felt way better after that. She made him feel like everything was going to be ok.
“Much better! So how about forgetting about those silly boys and come help me out with dinner?”
“I’d like that mom.”
“Did you boys finally start using that moisturizer I put in your bathroom?”
“What are you talking about mom?” Billy replied.
“Your skin is extremely soft or haven’t you noticed? I figured that you were using the moisturizer that I had bought.”
Billy rubbed his hand against his arm. Wow! His skin really was very soft now that it was pointed out to him.
Over the next couple weeks the teasing from his brothers lessened.
It was brutal for the first couple days. You don’t just break down in a crying fit and run away from a group of boys without ramifications.
He didn’t really mind not being macho or one of the guys, but the teasing did get to him. Nobody likes to be made fun of. Morning exercise had become more bearable since his brothers had grown accustomed to Billy’s lack of physical strength. He had no problem doing the cardio routines but anything to do with muscle strength left him at a big disadvantage.
They all assumed that Billy’s lack of power had to do with him spending all his time in the house with mom instead of outside being a boy.
Billy on the other hand was getting downright worried about why he had not returned to his former self. It had been a month and a half since he stopped the hormones and yet his strength had not returned.
Something was wrong. He had not had an erection in weeks and had no desire to masturbate. It was like his high octane sex drive had dropped off the face of the earth.
Billy sat on the toilet in the bathroom and had to find out if his penis still worked. His brothers were all out playing and his mom was downstairs which left him all alone.
It even looked smaller… had it shrunk? He began rubbing it with his hand to get some reaction.
Nothing.
What the heck? It was like it was dead.
He pulled out his brother’s playboy magazine and turned to the prettiest girl in it.
He began stroking again and after a couple minutes he was able to obtain a semi-hard erection.
What happened to the rock hard stiffness of the past?
Billy was determined. He stroked harder and faster while focusing on the stunning woman. He found himself imagining he was her which always set him over the top. Faster and faster he worked it and then suddenly he felt a climax.A climax with a penis that wasn’t even hard? It certainly was and he could feel the explosion coming. Billy tensed up and held the tissue to catch the fountain of sperm that was inevitable.
The climax was shocking. Things were definitely amiss.
His penis did not pulse like it used to. It just kind of oozed. Maybe it was because it wasn’t hard? What was most disturbing though was the absence of any fluid. The tissue in his hand was barely damp with what looked like water. It was a clear, thin liquid as opposed to the thick, opaque substance that used to come out.
Billy’s heart sank. What was wrong with him? Did he do permanent damage from taking those hormones? Was his health at risk?
The toilet flushed and Billy headed downstairs.
“Are you ok? You look a little flush honey.” His mom asked.
“I’m fine mom.” Billy replied. He tried to shake off his concern.
“Are you going to go play outside?”
“Nah, I don’t feel like it today. What are you doing?”
“I’m working on my scrapbooking. These are from my sister’s baby shower 3 months ago. Want to help me?”
“I don’t think I would be any good at that.”
“Sure you would. Let me show you.”
Billy’s mom demonstrated how easy it was to take the pictures and display them on a page in an artistic way. She could see that Billy was intrigued.
“All it takes is a little creativity and imagination to do this. Want to try?”
“Ok Mom, but don’t make fun of me when it turns out bad.”
Billy found a stork with a baby in a cloth. That would be fun. He then picked out a light blue piece of paper since the baby was a boy. His mom showed him how to cut a picture into a heart shape. He then found a cool little saying to put on the top of the page.
“Look at you! That looks amazing Billy. You have a natural talent.”
“You really think it looks good?”
“Absolutely. Here let me help you glue them on the page.”
His mom showed Billy how to apply the glue and adhere the items to the page.
“Did you boys finally start using that moisturizer I put in your bathroom?”
“What are you talking about mom?” Billy replied.
“Your skin is extremely soft or haven’t you noticed? I figured that you were using the moisturizer that I had bought.”
Billy rubbed his hand against his arm. Wow! His skin really was very soft now that it was pointed out to him.
“Yeah mom…I’m using the moisturizer. My skin felt dry so I have been trying it out,” he replied, although he never touched the lotion.
“Well good, I’m glad I didn’t waste my money as usual on you boys.”
Billy was taken aback. His skin was noticeably softer that what he was used to. It must have something to do with whatever was wrong with him.
“So are you going to help me finish or what?” His mother asked.
The two finished up a couple pages for the scrapbook and had the best time creating fabulous looking pages.
Later that night at the dinner table Billy paid special attention to his older brothers’ skin. Theirs was coarser and more taunt looking. Maybe it was because of their muscle tone and his lack thereof that made his skin look so much different.
He reached out to Eric’s arm.
“You have some crumbs on your arm.” He said as he brushed off the imaginary crumbs.
“I can take care of myself Mr. Mom.” Eric snapped and glared at Billy.
“Gotcha” Billy replied.
What a difference! Eric’s skin was rough and solid compared to his which was very silky and smooth.
What was he going to do?
“I know. I don’t know what's wrong with me.” Billy replied with a sense of relief.
“It might be a hormone imbalance. Have you told your mom?”
“No. You are the first person I have mentioned this to. What if my mom tells my dad? I would be dead.”
“No you wouldn’t. That would explain a lot. This is probably why you are having so much trouble with your exercises. Billy, I’m not joking. Your skin looks and feels exactly like mine.” Jenna stated as she grabbed his arm and rubbed it against her arm.
“See?”
Should he tell his mom? What would she say? What if she found out that he had taken the hormones? Would she tell dad?
He could try one of his friends.
Adam? No way! Billy was very concerned with telling any of his problems to a male. It would have to be a female if anything.
Jenna and he were so close. He had tried to muster the courage several times to let her know how he so dearly desired to be a girl. In the end, it was just a thought that he knew would never materialize. The fear of what people would think was too much of a risk. He did feel comfortable talking to her about pretty much anything though. Besides, he didn’t have to tell her he wanted to be a girl.
After much thought, Billy felt that Jenna would be the person to confide in. He needed a second opinion on what was happening to him.
A couple days later, the two were having lunch under the tree out on the grass at school. Jenna was chatting on about different subjects all of which passed through his ears. He was preoccupied in how he would bring up what was happening to him. Jenna beat him to the punch.
“You look different Billy. What is it?” Jenna asked out of the blue.
“Uh, what do you mean?” Billy asked. He was taken aback but felt relieved that she broke the ice.
“I don’t know but you look different lately. You just look…well, it’s probably just me.”
“No, what were you going to say? Tell me.” Billy pushed.
“Don’t take this the wrong way ok, but you look softer I guess.” Jenna replied trying to curb her words to not offend him.
“So it’s not my imagination?”
“You’ve noticed it too then?” Billy took a deep breath and let it out.
“Yes, Jenna I’m really worried. It’s like I don’t have any strength anymore. My muscles have disappeared…look.”
Jessie lifted his shirt arm to expose his biceps. He clenched his arm to display his muscles.
“Oh my gosh Billy! You have definitely lost muscle.” She stated with concern as she felt his upper arm. It was stunning. There wasn’t any muscle bulge at all just a small swell…just like her arms.
“You skin is so soft. Billy, it has never been like that.”
“I know. I don’t know what's wrong with me.” Billy replied with a sense of relief.
“It might be a hormone imbalance. Have you told your mom?”
“No. You are the first person I have mentioned this to. What if my mom tells my dad? I would be dead.”
“No you wouldn’t. That would explain a lot. This is probably why you are having so much trouble with your exercises. Billy, I’m not joking. Your skin looks and feels exactly like mine.” Jenna stated as she grabbed his arm and rubbed it against her arm.
“See?”
She was right. Her skin felt exactly like his.
“Oh my gosh.”
“You need to tell your mom Billy. If it a hormone deficiency it can probably be fixed. You could be back to your old self in no time.” Jenna urged him.
“I’m hoping that 'this' will just pass.”
“Is there anything else that you notice that has changed?”
Billy thought about the last couple months and what was different. There was no way he would tell her about his penis issues… that was just embarrassing.
“That’s it I think. Just the muscle thing and the way my skin feels different.”
“So you gotta tell your mom ok? You’re going to do it right? Promise me” Jenna stated.
Billy stammered.
“Promise me Billy. I’m worried about you.”
“Okay, I’ll tell my mom.”
“Great. I’m sure it’s just related to teenage hormones but you need to get it checked out.”
The two hugged and quickly finished lunch as the bell rang.
Later on that day, Billy seized the moment as he sat on the couch chatting with his mother.
“Ummm, mom…do you ummm, remember when you…ummm, asked about my skin being so soft?” Billy asked with much hesitation.
“Yes, I remember. It still looks very soft and healthy.”
“Well, I was talking to Jenna about it and she said that it wasn’t normal.”
“It’s not normal for a person to have healthy skin? Don’t be silly dear.”
“There are other things though mom. I’ve lost a lot of strength and that’s why I can’t do all the exercises I used to.”
“Oh sweetie, you seem very worried about this. You know that it may be because you aren’t as physical as you used to be. A growing boy needs to stay active and you seem to want to spend a lot of time in the house. Don’t get me wrong, I cherish the time we spend together, but you can’t expect to be as fit as you used to be if you’re not as active.”
“It’s more than that mom. I can feel that something is wrong. Jenna thinks that it may be a hormone imbalance”
“Ok. You know yourself a lot more than I do Billy. I will make an appointment with Dr. Billings and we can get you a full physical.”
“Okay mom. That would make me feel better.”
The two hugged. He was happy with how the conversation turned out. He sensed that his Mom did not seem very worried which made him more at ease. Maybe he was blowing this too far out of proportion.
In any case, he would get some answers soon.
Billy’s mind was set at ease, at least a little. The doctor would be able to tell him what’s wrong but what if it came out that Billy was taking hormones? Would the doctor be able to tell? What would he say? What the heck was wrong with Billy?
It had been a while since he had been to the doctors. His dad was of the mind-over-matter philosophy and, unless you were on your death bed, you trudged it out.
Billy was exceedingly nervous as to what the doctor would say. He was glad his mom was with him.
They entered the office and his mom had to fill out the usual forms that one would expect from an initial visit. Billy observed the office while she entered the insurance info, checked the boxes and all that fun stuff. Yep, pretty boring office. There were lots of magazines on the wall and end tables. It sure was clean but he kind of expected that from a doctor and that whole sterilized, healthy thing.
It seemed like this was a kid’s doctor because there were lots of toys by the back wall. There was even Playstation which seemed like a pretty cool idea. He was way too preoccupied though to even think about playing with anything.
There was another kid in there that seemed pretty nervous as well. The little boy was playing with the toys but did not seem to be enjoying himself. Who has a good time at the doctors? His mom was busy with her nose in a tabloid magazine. I guess no matter how you try to dress up the doctor’s office with bells and whistles, at the end of the day it’s still the doctor’s office.
Mom finished up the paperwork and handed it back to the receptionist and a few minutes later Billy was called in.
The nurse weighed him, measured his height and tested his blood pressure. He giggled at the pattern of animals on her scrubs. He had to pee in a cup which was mildly disturbing but necessary. He and his mom were then led to a small room which looked pretty sterile in design.
“Go ahead and undress down to your underwear and put on this gown. Dr. Fredericks will be here in a few minutes.” The nurse stated.
“Would you like me to leave while you undress?” his mom asked as she noticed the uncomfortable look on her son’s face.
“Yes”
Billy removed his clothes and placed the pale blue paper gown around his body. He then let his mother back in and sat on the bed looking thing.
Minutes passed and then a knock on the door came.
“Hello, I’m Dr Fredericks and you are?”
“Billy”
“Nice to meet you Billy. This must be Billy’s mom.”
“Yes. Nice to meet you.”
“Well great. So Billy, what brings you here today?”
Billy stammered.
“First, we want to get a routine physical. He has had some loss in strength lately and his skin has become softer. We’re worried that there may be a lack of vitamin or a deficiency in something that a growing boy needs.” His mom answered.
“Well let’s take a look then. Your chart looks fine.”
The doctor proceeded onto Billy’s chest, heart, lungs, reflexes, eyes, ears and groin.
“I am at a disadvantage here because I did not see you prior to the loss of strength or softening of skin. You have minimal arm muscle development which puts you around the 10th percentile. That basically means that 9 out of 10 boys your age have greater muscle development than you do.”
“Well that is very worrisome Doctor because Billy has always been in very good shape.”
“How much strength have you lost Billy?”
“A lot. I feel way weaker than I used to.”
“Ok. I am going to send you to get some blood work. It’s unusual for a boy your age to lose muscle tone. Your skin is very soft as well which is also uncommon. There could be a number of reasons for these symptoms ranging from vitamin deficiency to hormonal imbalance to an upcoming growth spurt.”
“Hormonal imbalance?” Billy nervously asked thinking about the hormones he used.
“Yes, it is not uncommon in pubescent boys. If that is the case we pinpoint what the issue is and address it. Let’s wait and see what the tests show. Other than that, you are a healthy young man. Go ahead and get dressed and we’ll have Nurse Lynn get you all set.”
“Thanks Doctor.” They both replied.
Billy got dressed and they got all the paperwork needed for the clinic.
“Mom, what do you think is wrong with me?” Billy asked his mother on the way to the clinic.
“I don’t know sweetie, but the doctor seemed very positive about helping you if there is anything amiss.”
Billy couldn’t get the thought that he would be discovered out of his head. Blood test? Surely it would show the doctor that he was messing with his hormones.
Blood was drawn.
Three days later they arrived back at the doctor’s office. Once again, Billy had no desire to play with any of the games as nerves engulfed him.
Knock, knock.
“Billy, how are you feeling?” Doctor Fredericks asked.
“Fine”
“Good. Well let’s take a look at the results here. First of all, you are a healthy boy.”
Billy and his mom let out a sigh of relief. Was he off the hook?
“You do have some elevated estrogen levels however, but they are within acceptable range. We will monitor you closely for the next several months and see what happens. Like I said before, this is not uncommon among boys going through puberty. What will most likely happen is your testosterone levels will increase and all these issues you are having will dissipate.”
Billy felt a huge weight lifted off his shoulders. Was this just temporary? He had estrogen in his system but was it on its way out?
They thanked the doctor and set up another appointment in a month.
“Well Billy, does that put your mind at ease a bit?” Mother asked on the way home.
“Yes mom. You’re not going to tell my brothers about the whole estrogen thing are you?”
“Oh honey, I would never embarrass you like that. We will keep this between us ok?”
“Ok mom.”
“Shut up!” Billy angrily replied as the damn broke under the tremendous pressure. His lower lip quivered as his eyes filled with tears. He wiped his eyes but the waterworks had begun.
“Oh no, you are not crying. Unbelievable!” Eric stated. He couldn’t believe that his brother was being such a baby.
“I’m really trying and I’m just not strong anymore” Billy whimpered.
“I don’t know what’s up with you but you better shape up Billy. You’re really turning sissy on me and Dad would freak if he knew the crap you were trying to pull.”
“Get up bro! Exercise time.” Eric yelled at the startled boy.
Billy looked at the clock and saw that it was an hour earlier than his alarm was set for.
“I’ve got another hour so get lost.”
“No way, you’ve been slacking a lot lately so it’s time for some intensive training.” Eric replied as he tore the covers off.
Billy knew it was pointless to argue and reluctantly got into his workout sweats and headed downstairs.
What proceeded from there was pure hell. Eric worked him to the point of exhaustion. Every time Billy was ready to collapse, Eric would push him further and further by threatening to tell Dad how he was slacking. Harder and harder and harder yet.
Billy tried his best to perform and keep his brother satisfied but the more he pushed himself the more emotional he found himself becoming. His frustrations seemed to trigger a new emotion from him. Instead of becoming very angry and aggressive like he used to, he now simply felt like crying and giving up.
“I’m surprised you’ve lasted this long you big girl. You’re exercising like one so I’m sure you don’t mind me calling you on.” His brother teased.
All those emotions that Billy was trying to keep in check were building. There were cracks in the dam and any more pressure and it would not hold
.
“Don’t call me names Eric, can’t you see I’m trying my best???”
“What I see is a guy who would rather hang out in the kitchen with his mom instead of being one of the guys. What’s next? Are you going to go gay on me?”
“Shut up!” Billy angrily replied as the damn broke under the tremendous pressure. His lower lip quivered as his eyes filled with tears. He wiped his eyes but the waterworks had begun.
“Oh no, you are not crying. Unbelievable!” Eric stated. He couldn’t believe that his brother was being such a baby.
“I’m really trying and I’m just not strong anymore” Billy whimpered.
“I don’t know what’s up with you but you better shape up Billy. You’re really turning sissy on me and Dad would freak if he knew the crap you were trying to pull.”
Eric stormed out of the room and left Billy sitting there an absolute mess. He really did try his best and he thought he did a good job even though it was only a shadow of what he used to be able to do.
Later at school Billy relayed what happened to Jenna.
“Billy, don’t let him bother you. The more you show him that he is upsetting you the more you fuel him. Don’t give him that pleasure.”
“I didn’t want to cry but I couldn’t help it. It just happened.”
“That’s funny; I have that happen to me sometimes. I know for me it just feels like I need to let it out or else I’ll go crazy.”
Billy identified with what Jenna was saying. That’s pretty much how he was feeling lately.
“So what did the doctor say?” Jenna asked.
“You have to promise you won’t tell anyone ok?”
“You know me Billy, I would never do that.”
“I know. So I guess that my hormones are kind of out of whack. I have higher levels of estrogen than I should, but the doctor says it is probably just a phase.”
“So that explains why you have lost some strength then.”
“Yeah, and the same with the softer skin.”
“So it’s just temporary then?” Jenna asked.
“I think so. I have another appointment in a month.”
“Well hopefully you get back to normal. If not, I have a lot of cute dresses you can borrow.” Jenna teased.
“Gee thanks” Billy replied sarcastically. He did find her comment somewhat thrilling though.
“I’m only joking buddy” She replied giving him a hug.
The next morning Billy woke up incredibly sore. Wow, he did get the workout of his life yesterday. His whole body was destroyed. It’s a good thing it was Saturday and didn’t have to work out on the weekend. His biceps ached as did his chest and legs. He tried to take it easy to recoup by Monday.
Billy got in some great down time and spent most of his weekend helping his mom around the house. He sympathized with her and all she had to do to keep the house in shape. Its funny how he took everything she did for granted before. Now he was making up for it. He helped her vacuum, fold the laundry (he loved matching the socks), and fix dinner of course.
Monday came and he felt a lot better. His soreness had worn off everywhere except for his chest. His pecs still felt very sore. Man, he got worked!
He went downstairs to try his best to keep up with his siblings.
“I’m giving you the week off bro.” Eric stated.
“Why? I’m ready.”
“Nope, you need to seriously think about where you are headed. I’m expecting a renewed energy next Monday but you’re out this week”
Billy was taken aback. He was out? It felt like his brothers were un-brother-fying him. He really didn’t care to work out but being excluded from a family activity was heart wrenching.
He went back to his room and cried.
“Oh my gosh Billy!” Jenna said with a sense of shock.
“What?!?”
“Your chest looks like mine…I mean not mine right now, but that’s how my chest looked when I started growing breasts.” She replied keeping her eyes transfixed on his chest.
“Hey Eric, can I talk to you for a minute?” Billy asked after dinner.
“Yeah, what’s up?”
“Well, I know I’m supposed to start working out again tomorrow, but I’m not sure if I should.”
“Why not?” You’re not feeling it? You want to get more out of shape than you already are?” Eric asked.
“It’s not that at all. I mean I really want to do my exercises. It’s just that my muscles are still really sore from the big workout I had last week and I don’t want to injure myself more.”
“Your muscles are still sore? There’s no way. I would have given you two or three days of that excuse but a whole week? Muscles heal way faster than that bro.”
“Look, they still hurt ok?”
“Go ahead and take another week off then. Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? You’re looking weak man. I remember the Billy who had some muscle tone. Now all I see is an out of shape lazy punk.” Eric replied with anger.
“Well I can try but, like I said, my muscles still really hurt.”
“Oh yeah, show me which muscles hurt.”
“Just right here, but it’s really sore.” Billy replied pointing to his upper chest.
Slap!
“Does that make it feel better?” Eric yelled as he punched Billy hard in the chest.
“Ouch! That freaking hurt!” Billy yelped.
“Take this week off you big pussy. In fact, take the whole month off!” Eric stated as he walked out of the room.
Billy grabbed his chest. He was used to his brothers roughhousing but that really was painful! As he rubbed his chest it dawned on him that he was crying. What the heck? He didn’t even realize that he had tear’d up. How could he be crying without even realizing it?
As he wiped the tears he thought of how he didn’t have to work out another week. That brightened his day for sure.
That week was followed by another week of no workouts. His relationship with his brothers seemed to grow more and more distant. At the same time, his mom and he became more and close. He enjoyed helping her around the house and had learned so much on what it takes to maintain a clean home. He also found out just how lonely and unhappy she was at times. It was a tough and unfulfilling life she lived with little love and affection from dad.
Billy was concerned about his chest. It had been a while since “the workout” and his pecs remained sore and very irritated. In fact, his t-shirts bugged the heck out him.
It’s funny how friendships change. While his relationship with Lenna grew stronger, his feelings for Adam lessened. He just didn’t feel comfortable hanging with him as much.
During lunch, he mentioned his chest predicament to Jenna. He was feeling more comfortable lately opening up to her.
“Your chest is bothering you?” Jenna asked.
“Yeah, I’m sure it’s nothing big. Eric just worked me so hard a couple weeks ago that I’m still sore.”
“Dang, that seems like a long time to be sore Billy. Do you keep straining the same muscles?”
“No, I haven’t worked out since that day.”
“Well let me see then.”
Billy acknowledged and lifted his t-shirt.
“Oh my gosh Billy!” Jenna said with a sense of shock.
“What?!?”
“Your chest looks like mine…I mean not mine right now, but that’s how my chest looked when I started growing breasts.” She replied keeping her eyes transfixed on his chest.
Billy looked down and suddenly it dawned on him that his chest was bumpy. How could he have not realized that? The hormones! What the heck was wrong with him?!? There’s no way they were still affecting his body!!
He quickly pulled his shirt down.
“Billy, you need to go see your doctor right now. I think your hormone imbalance is really messed up.” Jenna said with concern.
Billy remained silent.
“Are you ok?” Jenna asked.
“Yeah, I don’t know what to think right now. What’s wrong with me?”
“I don’t know but your chest isn’t right. You’re budding for crying out loud Billy. You have to tell your mom.”
Billy sat in disbelief. Wasn’t this all that he had ever wanted? He desired to have a pair of breasts for the longest time but now that it seemed to be happening he was scared to death. Why did he ever mess with those hormones? He didn’t want to face this now.
Why couldn’t he just go back to being who he used to be?
How was he going to tell mom?
“Well good. Have you noticed any changes good or bad in your strength or skin in the last month?”
“Nope.”
“You are quite the talker today.” The doctor joked. “How about we take a look and see.”
Billy’s heart dropped into his stomach. He was going to be discovered. Crap…maybe he was just making too much of his chest. Maybe it would go unnoticed and he could just get out of here.
Part 12
By AshleyTS
He stood in the bathroom with his shirt off and looked at the mounds. There they were. Two distinct bumps under his nipples. They were not large by any means, but his chest definitely did not look like a boy’s anymore. It looked just different enough to give him a lot of concern. He gently pressed the swellings and found that they were somewhat sore and sensitive. The anxiety he felt over these changes was extreme.
Billy decided to not tell his mom and keep his fingers crossed that he would not get worse.
And so the days passed until it was time again to visit Doctor Fredericks again.
Needless to say, Billy was bouncing off the walls with concern as his chest remained swollen.
“Are you OK sweetie?” Mom asked as they sat in the waiting room of the clinic.
“I’m really nervous Mom”
“Billy, I’m here with you. You told me a couple days ago that you felt fine so why are you so concerned?”
He did tell her that everything was fine when she asked a few days ago. He really wanted to cry out and let her know that he was scared of what was going on with his body but couldn’t. What would happen today when the doctor saw him?
“I just don’t like the doctors mom.”
“Well there are some toys and games if you want to play while we wait.”
Billy looked over at the kid’s area. There was a little girl playing with some dolls while her mom looked on. He wished that he was as relaxed as she seemed to be. Why did he have so many secrets to hide?
“Billy?” The nurse announced.
He knew the drill as Mom excused herself while he stripped down to his underwear and donned the paper gown.
“Billy, you look faint. Are you sure you’re fine?” Mom asked as she re-entered the room.
“Can we just get out of her Mom?” Billy pleaded.
“We need to make sure you’re ok honey. I’m here with you and it’s going to be alright.” She replied trying to comfort him.
Knock! Knock!
“Well hello there Billy. How are you doing today?”
“Fine.”
“Well good. Have you noticed any changes good or bad in your strength or skin in the last month?”
“Nope.”
“You are quite the talker today.” The doctor joked. “How about we take a look and see.”
Billy’s heart dropped into his stomach. He was going to be discovered. Crap…maybe he was just making too much of his chest. Maybe it would go unnoticed and he could just get out of here.
Doctor Fredericks checked Billy’s breathing once again placing the stethoscope on his back and asking him to take deep breaths. The doctor then moved the stethoscope to Billy’s chest to check his heart. Billy knew it was over.
Billy could feel the cold metal press against his soft mound as his heart rate was checked.
“Whoa, calm down young man. Your heart is racing a million beats an hour.” The doctor stated.
“Sorry.”
“That’s alright, I know I was always nervous as a kid when I went to the doctors. Your heart sounds fine even though it’s pumping hard.” He replied as he stepped away.
The doctor didn’t notice! For a moment Billy entertained the thought that he may make it out of there without anyone finding out.
“Your skin still looks the same.”
“Yeah, it’s hasn’t changed.” Billy replied.
“How about the muscle strength? Is there any improvement?”
“That’s still the same too.”
“Well we need to run another blood test to see where your hormones levels are, but everything looks fine here. I will look at the results and if there are any irregularities we’ll let you know. Otherwise I’ll see you two in a month.”
As his Mom and the doctor left, Billy exhaled a big breath of relief. He was living very much for the moment right now. It seemed a big victory that he was not discovered. Things had to turn around…they just had to.
He stripped off his gown and pulled up his pants. His thoughts continued to be so very preoccupied with his bodily changes. It seemed like he was in a dream state. This all just couldn’t be happening could it? All those dreams he had of becoming a girl were just dreams. In reality, he never thought it would actually happen. And now that it seemed to be happening the only thing he wanted was for it to go away.
Back to reality…Billy grabbed his t-shirt and began slipping his arms into the sleeves.
“Well that went well…Billy…your chest!” Mom said in shock as she entered the room.
“Mom! I’m not ready!” Billy exclaimed.
“I was waiting outside for 5 minutes…I thought you would be dressed by now. Honey, your chest???”
“Just leave it be Mom.” Billy pleaded as he felt ill.
“Billy, lift up your shirt.” She sympathetically pleaded.
“No mom, please don’t make me. It’s nothing.”
“Lift your shirt now Billy…” his Mom demanded in a stern voice.
He was toast!
Billy took a deep breath and slowly lifted his t-shirt.
“How long has your chest looked like that?!?” his mother drilled him. She beheld two small mounds on either side of his chest. That gentle swelling was a telltale sign that breasts were on their way.
Part 13
By AshleyTS
“How long has your chest looked like that?!?” his mother drilled him. She beheld two small mounds on either side of his chest. That gentle swelling was a telltale sign that breasts were on their way.
“For a week or so Mom.” Billy replied as his eyes welled up with tears. Oh no, he really didn’t want to break up now.
“Sweetie, don’t cry…but why didn’t you tell me?”
“I’m just so scared Mom. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” He stated as the tears freely flowed from his frightened eyes.
“Oh dear, look honey, I am here for you no matter what. Don’t be afraid to tell me what’s going on.” Mother answered. She couldn’t take her eyes off his chest.
“Billy, we need to tell the doctor about this. I don’t want you to worry but boys don’t have that happen to their chests.
Billy conceded as his mother left to grab Dr. Fredericks.
Moments later the doctor returned and examined Billy.
“Well there is some definite tenderness which concerns me. Although it is uncommon, there is a condition called gynecomastia which basically is the enlargement of mammary glands in males. I’m worried about the speed of the development however. When I last saw you there wasn’t any and today I’m seeing a noticeable amount of swelling.”
“What are you saying Doctor?” Mother asked.
“We need to run another hormone test and see where we are. It looks as if Billy is developing breast tissue. As soon as those results are in we can see where we stand. How does your chest feel?”
“It’s ok.” Billy hesitantly replied.
“There is some redness which looks like irritation. Is it bothering you?”
“Yeah, it feels sore I guess.”
“That’s understandable. I would suggest you wear a softer fabric undershirt to ease the sensitivity. It would help if the top stayed snug with your body to prevent any friction.”
“Well get you something Billy.” His mom added.
Billy had calmed down enough to wipe his eyes. He slipped his shirt back on and they headed to get his blood drawn.
After the fact, he felt good that he got this problem out in the open. The doctor seemed a little worried but he made it sound that this can happen to boys.
“What are you thinking sweetie?” his mother asked.
“I’m freaked out mom. What if something really bad is wrong with me?”
“We’ll figure this out ok? Doctor Fredericks is great.”
“But mom, what are my brothers going to say…and Dad is going to kill me when he finds out I have breast tissue!”
Billy stated in panic.
“Listen to me. I will not tell your father until we find out what is going on with you. As for your brothers, they do not need to know something this private. Once we get some concrete answers we can include them.”
That made Billy feel better. He was so worried that his macho-mania brothers or his overbearing dad would find out and ruin his life.
Billy returned from school the next day and found his mom with a concerned look on her face.
“Hey Mom, you looked worried.”
“Billy, come into my bedroom…we need to talk.” She replied grabbing his hand.
What the heck was up?
His mom closed the door and sat on the bed with him.
“Dr. Fredericks called me today with some test results.”
“It’s bad isn’t it Mom?”
“You are completely healthy but your hormone levels seem to be a problem. I’m going ot be completely honest with you and tell you exactly what he told me ok.”
“Ok” Billy replied with a gulp.
“According to the tests, you are only producing minimal amounts of testosterone yet your estrogen levels are very high for a boy.”
“Like how high Mom?”
“Dr. Fredericks stated that if he didn’t know better, he would assume that you were female from your hormone balance. Your levels are that of a teenage girl.”
Billy sat there in silence.
“What’s causing this Mom?” Billy hesitantly asked. He was waiting for the bomb to drop and for his hormone use to be discovered.
“The doctor doesn’t know. He would like to see you next week to run some ultra sound and x-rays. Once he pinpoints where the issue is, he can help us correct it.”
Billy couldn’t believe this was happening. A few weeks ago this was his biggest fantasy yet now he was just freaked out. Why couldn’t this all just go back in his head? There was so much going through his brain that he couldn’t think straight.
“How do you feel about this honey?” His Mom asked trying to comfort her son.
“I don’t know Mom. Am I becoming a girl?”
“No sweetie, whatever this is we can get it fixed. You’ll be back to yourself in no time although I just hope you still enjoy being around me when you are filled with male hormones again.” She joked.
Billy giggled.
“I will Mom. I really like helping you out around the house and I think I’m a pretty good cook.”
“Yes you are dear. I bought you some undershirts by the way if you want to try them. Is your chest still really sensitive?”
“Yeah, it’s really irritated.”
“I didn’t know what to buy for your condition. I looked at undershirts for boys but they all looked so coarse and big. I found the ones that looked the softest and bought some for you to try. I also bought something I know will work if you really need it.”
His mom handed him a Macy’s bag. He reached in and pulled out three packages of undershirts. They were all white and maybe just different styles. He saw name brands he recognized like Fruit of the Loom and Hanes. His eyes drew to the colorful packaging of one of the bags though.
It was Hanes which he was familiar with. As he perused the labeling of that package he realized why it stood out from the others. The label read “Hanes Her Way”…”Camisole 100% Cotton”…there was a pink butterfly on the bag…
“Mom, these are for girls!” Billy yelped feeling a great deal of embarrassment.
“I’m sorry sweetie. You don’t have to try them. I only got them as a last resort in case the boy’s undershirts don’t help you. I know the camisoles will comfort your chest and I bought the plainest white ones I could find so that they wouldn’t be girly. I can return them.”
She was buying him girl’s undershirts? Admittedly he was very embarrassed but was thrilled at the same time. His mom bought him GIRL’S CAMISOLES!
“Mom, if my brother’s knew you bought me these; I would never live it down.”
“Whatever you decide to wear Billy, why don’t you put your clothes in my hamper and don’t let it bother you.”
Billy agreed as his mom left him in the room to try on his new undershirts.
He eyed the pink package, but opened the Fruit of the Loom Boy’s. He pulled off his shirt and put on the tank top.
It was ribbed and did feel coarse against his tender chest. It was pretty tight but not really comfortable.
Once again he eyed the “Girl’s Camisole…3 Tops” package but moved unto the Hanes Boy’s Tees. These were short sleeved and hung fairly loose. The material was thick and heavy and he couldn’t see himself wearing another shirt on top of it unless it was a dress shirt.
“Hanes Her Way”. Was he ready to take this plunge? It wouldn’t hurt to at least open the package and try one right?
He tore open the plastic and pulled out a top. It was a very light material and super soft. He slipped it over his head and walked to the mirror. Two very thin straps rested on either shoulder. Even though this was the plainest set his mom could find, there were some distinctly feminine touches. The top had a tiny strip of lace as did the bottom.
As he looked at himself in the mirror a rush of electricity shot through his spine. He was actually standing there wearing a girl’s top and his mom was fully aware of it.
Oh how his brother’s would destroy him if they walked in right now.
He was given the green light from his mom for the girl’s camisole. It was way softer than any of the boy’s undershirts she had bought. He really wanted to wear it!
He was trying hard to contain his excitement!
“So your Mom told me that she discussed the test results with you.”
“Yeah”
“So I’m baffled right now and that’s why we want to perform a couple more tests to see if we can discover what is causing the hormones imbalance. Could you lie back? I want to look at your genitals and make sure things are ok down there.”
Part 14
By AshleyTS
Yes it was…but no one could know that. He decided that he would have to fight these changes at least on the outside.
He removed the camisole, put his shirt back on and headed downstairs where his mom was sitting on the couch.
“How did it go?” She asked.
“I think I’m going to keep the boy’s undershirts and let you take back the other ones.” Billy replied keeping his fingers crossed that he could turn the conversation the way he wanted.
“Oh good, so they felt fine then?”
“Well sort of. The other tops felt better but they are for girls.”
“I totally understand Billy. It’s your choice sweetie.”
This was not the direction he was hoping the conversation would go.
“So the girl’s undershirts feel a lot better than the boy’s but I can’t go around wearing girl’s clothes.”
“Honey, I know you don’t want to wear girl’s clothes. Show me a boy who does, but keep in mind that this is just temporary until the doctor figures out what to do. If the camisole makes your chest feel the best than I say suck up your male ego and do what’s good for your health.”
She made total sense.
“You sure you can’t find any ones without lace on them?”
“I looked my best sweetie but girls like that kind of stuff. Just be sure to put your clothes into my bedroom hamper and if your brothers act up at all I will talk to them.”
“Ok Mom.” Billy replied feeling very satisfied with the talk. “I share my room with Johnny though so what if he looks through my drawers?”
His mom thought about it.
“I will keep your camisoles in my bedroom. You can change in my bathroom.”
The two hugged and his mom commended him on making such a brave decision.
The next morning, Billy grabbed his clothes and headed to the master bedroom to change. He reached into the dresser drawer and pulled out one on the camisoles. He locked himself in the bathroom and donned the feminine garment.
It felt cool and soft against his chest. It certainly looked like his chest was not a boys especially with the top on. He both marveled at and feared the two bumps pushing out the fabric ever so slightly. He would have to be so careful.
Billy finished getting dressed and headed downstairs. His brothers were being their normal unruly selves and kept him out of the conversation as usual. Billy was nervous knowing that he was wearing a girl’s undershirt and was happy his brothers weren’t horse playing with him.
His mom stopped him as they were all heading out to go to school and pulled him aside.
“How are you doing? Did you find the tops?”
“Yeah Mom, I’m wearing one.”
“Ok, just be careful about where you change honey and have a great day at school.” His mom replied as she gave him a quick look-over checking to make sure his t-shirt was long enough and ensuring that the spaghetti straps were not showing. Billy was cautious for the day making sure that he changed in the bathroom stall for PE. Other than that he felt pretty comfortable.
During his lunch with Jenna he kept the conversation away from his issues. He wasn’t ready to let her know about the camisole. The week went on and he got accustomed to wearing the camisole and pretty much forgot that he had it on most of the time.
Wednesday came and it was time to see Dr. Fredericks again.
Ahhh, the good ole’ waiting room.
He felt a bit more relaxed than last time and even contemplated playing some video games. Figures, the one time he actually wants to play a game, there’s someone already hogging it. A teenage girl seemed pretty engrossed in the PlayStation and Billy wasn’t about to interrupt. He chuckled a bit to himself thinking about how the “big-boned” girl could probably whip his butt. To top it off, she was playing some fashion model game which would not help his image in the office one bit.
He sat patiently with his mom until he was called into the room. He knew the routine and donned the paper gown.
“So how are ya doing Billy?” The doctor asked.
“Ok doctor.”
“Good. Have you noticed any more swelling of the chest?”
“I don’t think so.”
Dr. Fredericks opened Billy’s gown and observed.
“Well your chest does not look as raw as it did last visit.”
“We bought him some undershirts like you suggested.” His mom replied.
“Good, that seems to be working.” He commented raising an eyebrow as he noticed a thin strap peeking out of the bundle of Billy’s clothes on the counter.
“There seems to be a bit more swelling however.”
He felt around Billy’s chest pressing against the soft mounds.
“Does that hurt at all?”
“A little bit.”
“So your Mom told me that she discussed the test results with you.”
“Yeah”
“So I’m baffled right now and that’s why we want to perform a couple more tests to see if we can discover what is causing the hormones imbalance. Could you lie back? I want to look at your genitals and make sure things are ok down there.”
“Should I leave?” His mom asked.
“Stay mom…just close your eyes.” Billy replied wanting his mom there with him.
“Hmmm, have you noticed any change in your sex drive or erections?” the doctor asked.
“Not really.” Billy replied even though he still did not get morning wood or have any real desire to masturbate.
“Well that’s a good sign. Have you noticed any shrinkage of your penis or testicles?”
“I don’t think so. It’s not like I look at it lot.” Billy replied.
“Fair enough” The doctor replied. He wasn’t sure if Billy was being entirely honest since most boys his age had a very intimate relationship with their little men. Billy’s penis did look smaller than most boys his age which concerned the doctor.
“We’ll take you into the next room and run some x-rays and ultrasounds to see if we can discover anything.”
Billy was led into the other room and the nurse had him stand in several positions as the camera snapped the needed information. The whole thing was painless enough and quicker than he thought it would be.
“You’re becoming a pro at this Billy. We’ll see if we can discover anything from these tests and give your mom a call in a few days.”