This is my first effort at this so please tell me if I have done anything incorrect and also how to make my writing better.
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Pennies for Michelle.
By plastic_roses
“A penny for your thoughts…” Said a sexy yet husky voice as father of one Joseph Brennan stared deep into his almost empty shot glass.
“What?” Joseph asked more out of shock then out of curiosity.
“What?” Joseph asked more out of shock then out of curiosity.
“I mean what’s on your mind, I've seen you here every night for the past month and frankly sir, this dive doesn't seem to be your kind of place.”
Part 1
“A penny for your thoughts…” Said a sexy yet husky voice as father of one Joseph Brennan stared deep into his almost empty shot glass.
“What?” Joseph asked more out of shock then out of curiosity.
“I mean what’s on your mind, I've seen you here every night for the past month and frankly sir, this dive doesn't seem to be your kind of place.” Said the voice of the woman who sat next to Joseph on a bar stool that was blanketed in darkness due to a lack of a suitable nearby light source.
“Joseph, my name is Joseph and… And you are right this isn't the kind of establishment I'd normally attend.”
“So why are you here? Normally only perverts or fans come here and you can tell the difference between those because the perverts are up front grabbing at the girls while the fans are at the back just watching.”
“I'm not sure why I'm here, maybe it's because I don't deserve to be anywhere else or maybe it's because I thought I might find answers here.”
At that moment Joseph placed his now empty glass on the counter and was about to order another when a large hand with long red nails as well as a lot of jewellery ending in a set of bangles around a hefty wrist settled onto his own hand.
“Hon… Joseph one thing I've found in this life of mine is that answers are seldom found in the bottle but are often found in someone else's perspective of the problem at hand.” Said the sexy yet husky voice.
“Hey Joe, would you pour myself and Joseph something softer, best make it two ginger ale's and add them to my tab.”
“Sure thing Holly.” Said the rather rotund man behind the counter.
“Your name is Holly?” Questioned Joseph.
“Holly to my friends, Molly Moonlips to my fans and… well the and doesn't really matter but you can call me Holly.”
“So tell me Joseph, what brings a family man like you to a place like this, what answers do you seek that you think you can only find here.”
Sighing because he needed someone to talk to and a stranger in a bar seemed as good a person as any Joseph opened his mouth. “About three months ago my wife, Maria dropped me off at a train station so I could catch a train to go to a conference on updating my work skills.”
“So?”
“Well most of this part of the story has very little to do with me, in fact I only know about it because my wife told me about it so I could try to understand things better, which didn't work at the time.”
“I understand, go on.”
“Apparently after Maria had dropped me off at the train she had intended to do some shopping but due to the fact she was in a hurry to get me on the train she forgot her handbag, which meant she had to drive all the way back to our house. As Maria explained it to me when she got back to the house she went directly to our bedroom where she found a site that nearly blew her mind.”
“What was that?” Holly asked after becoming sick of the silence that had befallen Joseph.
“Maria told me that when she entered our bedroom she found our only son, Michael sitting at her vanity table wearing her clothing while applying makeup to his face rather expertly.”
“So what was your son wearing?”
“You know I never stopped to ask my wife that question, maybe because I was to blinded by my pride and fear.”
“At least you seem to be admitting you were in the wrong here, Joseph and I admire that in a man so go on.”
“Well Maria said that Michael was so wrapped up in the act of making himself pretty that she was able to stand there for more then five minutes just watching him before he finally noticed her. I was also told that when Michael did finally realize that his mother was in the room with him he stood up and panicked.”
“That's not really odd, while some of us go to our family with the truth about the fact we crossdress, most of us get found out about and it often goes poorly for us, so is that what happened here?”
“No, well not from Maria, she told me when she saw Michael assume the position of a young child who had broken something, you know that sad and guilty look… well anyway Maria told me her heart just melted away when she saw that. Maria also told me that it was around that point that Michael started crying.”
“Let me guess, when your wife was telling you this you took it as a sign of weakness on the behalf of your son? After all real men never cry.”
“Yes, yes I did and yes I know that's not true, now, however back then while Maria saw it as a cry for help I only saw it as weakness.”
Picking up the cold glass of ginger ale at that moment Joseph took a long drink from it as he tried to clear his head enough to continue.
“Maria ended up telling me how she asked Michael about what she was seeing, about what was going on.”
“Did your son explain himself?”
“Yes and no, firstly he told Maria that he hated his life and more then that he hated as well as resented his very existence.”
“That must have been a tough pill to swallow?”
“It was hard for all of us I think to be honest, hard for Michelle because it meant she was facing the truth, hard for Maria because it meant Michelle was hurting and hard for me because I saw my child as being broken…”
“Michelle, who is Michelle?” Holly asked the moment she realized the importance of the name.”
“Michelle, is the name that my son ended up picking for himself when he became a woman but that's not really part of the story yet.” Joseph said as he found himself feeling ever the little bit more the fool.
“Oh then back to the story then shall we?”
“Where was I, oh yes, Maria told me how those words made her want to scream because they triggered the part of her that she says all good mother's have that makes them want to defend their children when they are suffering no matter what age they are.”
“I wouldn't know my dear mother was never encumbered by such a condition but go on.”
“Maria told me that after a lot of deep breathing she asked Michelle… I mean Michael as he was at the time, why he hated his life.”
“I think I already know but tell me anyway, why did your son hate his life?”
“Michael hated his life as it was because he felt he was a freak and he couldn't stand living as he was, as a male. The funny thing is Maria told me that seeing Michael dressed as a female made her bite her own lip as she asked him why he thought he was a freak.”
“Let me guess, he thought he was a freak because he was a boy who dressed in female clothing and who dreamt of being a woman.”
“Holly, how did you know that?”
“It wasn't that hard, almost all of we transgendered people suffer from the guilt of what we are opposing the constraints of what society wants us to be.”
“So what do you do?”
“Well for people like myself and for your daughter, which I assume she is now because of the fact you have called her Michelle a few times, overcome the fear we feel and break free, while others never do and are seldom happy with their lot in life.”
Picking up her glass with her large overly jewel encrusted hand Holly pulled the glass into the darkness where her body was and took a long drink as she pondered the odd man she was talking to.
“Now, Joseph, if you wish please continue…” Holly said as she put her glass on the bar.
“Maria told me that after trying and failing to convince Michael that he wasn't a freak she realized she wasn't entirely comfortable with calling Michael by his name because as she told me she remembered a daytime television program that did an article about people who were like he was.”
“So is that where the name Michelle came from?”
“Yes, I remember Maria telling me how she told Michael that if he dreamt of being a girl then he must have had a female name picked out already because that was what the people she had seen on the television who were like him had done.”
“Not necessarily.” Holly stated as her large frame moved in the darkness, which was really caused by a blown bulb that nobody had cared to replace. “Sometimes some of us know we want to be female or for that matter male, remembering things go both ways, but we don't have a name picked out for one reason or another.”
Looking around the seedy and ill-lit hotel room Joseph noticed the faint stench of stale beer as well as the group of mostly men who were gathered around the slightly better lit stage, where two pretty young women were pole dancing.
“Yeah, you may want to look away before they remove their panties.” Holly said.
“What… why…” Joseph said before the coin dropped. “Oh, oh okay, yes good point, I don't think I want to see what is in their panties do I.”
“No, no you don't so please continue.”
“Where was I, ah yes at the point where a female name came up Michael apparently explained to Maria that he saw himself as being Michelle. Maria told me that after Michael had told her that he saw himself as Michelle, she felt overwhelmed by the surreal nature of the conversation, what ever that meant.”
“So what happened after that?”
“Let me remember, Maria explained to me she did the only thing she could, she had Michael explain everything that had happened right from the start.”
“How did Michael react to that?”
“Michael reacted by asking his mother why she wasn't freaked out, which Maria responded to by explaining that she had seen transgendered people on television and from that she knew if he was transgendered then he needed all the support he could get. Support however was something I was to proud and stupid to be able to give.”
“Joseph, that seems to be something you are regretting is it not?”
“More then you can know lady, more then you can know.”
“I'm sorry…”
“Don't be, it's my own damn fault.”
Knowing that Joseph was coming up with the answers that he needed all on his own just by talking with her, Holly took another drink of her drink before scratching her cleavage and taking a look around to make sure nobody was listening in on their conversation.
“So what happened next?”
“Well…” Joseph said. “Michael or was that Michelle by that point, explained to Maria that for all of his life he had felt different from the males who were around but at the same time more like the girls, even if it took him years to work out why. Maria also told me that Michael told her that there came a point where something drove him to try on her clothing and while he couldn't fully explain the feeling, it wasn't sexual in nature, more natural like wearing female clothing was the right thing for him to do.”
“I remember it was like that for me when I was young, I was so stressed out by my life and then one day I gave into my feelings and when I did, it was like my stress just melted away. However this night is about you Joseph, you and your family so please go on.”
“I don't know all the details as they get a little sketchy at this point because I was always so angry when Maria explained it to me, but it seemed at that point she decided to find Michael a doctor because if he was a girl stuck in a boys body then he needed treatment. I also recall Maria yelling at me something about Michael asking why she wasn't concerned about losing a son.”
“What did your Maria say because at the moment she seems like a very smart woman.”
“She explained to Michael that she was more afraid of losing her only child then losing her son because in the end it didn't really matter who he was so long as he was alive.”
“Alive?”
Sighing as he took a long drink of the atmosphere of the hotel before taking a drink of ginger ale, which was somewhat better then the alcohol he had been drinking, Joseph looked up at the ceiling.
“In the two or so years before these events happened both Maria and I noticed that Michael had become redrawn as the life just kind of drained out of him. The truth is both of us were so worried that Michael might do something stupid and hurt or kill himself.”
“So how did Michael react to that comment from his mother?”
“Not in the way you might think, with the mention of me Michael panicked as he asked his mother what I would think. Of course Maria did the right thing and assured Michael that if the doctors did tell him that he was meant to be a girl then she would deal with me and deal with me she did.”
A banging noise from the stage, which was caused when one of the dancers had knocked out a guy who had gotten a little too fresh with her distracted Joseph as the gathering of people in front of the stage turned into a free for all.
“Just ignore them, this happens at least once a night and frankly I think your story is far more important.” Holly stated.
“I was so mad you know, so very mad because I felt Maria had manipulated events to suit herself.”
“Care to explain that?”
“Well after Maria had sorted things out with Michael she still had to go shopping which she did. Now as Maria explained it, at the shopping centre she was having a hard time focusing because of everything that was going on in her mind so she bought a cup of orange juice and went to sit down.”
“How was that a manipulation of events?”
“It wasn't but as Maria explained it, while she was sitting down she noticed a mother shopping with her daughter at a fashion shop not far from where she sat. You see the thing is Maria had always wanted a daughter and before things went wrong that was what we were aiming for."
“So you thought she saw Michael as a chance to finally have the daughter she always wanted…”
“At the time yes and… well I don't know but Maria told me that as she sat there she found herself daydreaming about the idea that if Michael was really Michelle, then they could do all those things like shopping, Maria even admitted she took delight in the idea.”
“Oh okay I can see why you might have seen that as being a manipulation of the events.”
Sighing Joseph finished off the last of his ginger ale before turning back to face the darkness where Holly sat.
“Maria even admitted that she ended up buying Michael a set of female's clothing after remembering what he use to look at while they went shopping, now maybe it was an over reaction on my behalf but I saw that as her manipulating events to suit her own needs.”
“I can understand that I guess so what happened after that?” Holly questioned.
“Well Maria got Michael a doctors appointment, which led to an appointment with a psychiatrist. I'm not really sure what happened at the psychiatrist as all Maria ever told me was Michael had tested positive for gender identity disorder, which meant there would be many more appointments to help Michael sort things out.”
“So?”
“After that I don't know what happened, I guess Michael started living as Michelle because when I got home I didn't get greeted by my son. No what I got greeted by was a pretty young blonde woman, with cherry red lips, long red nails and small breasts. The young woman who greeted me in place of my son was wearing a pink top with long sleeves and low cut neckline as well as a short green skirt and she even wore small heels, which she was proficient in walking in.”
“Breasts?”
“Oh she… Michael ordered a small cheap pair of breast forms off the Internet and started wearing them in her… his bra, or so I was told.”
“I understand, the internet is a great source for young transgendered people and their family, I just wish it was around in my time… so did things go down hill from there?”
“Yeah things went down hill fast but not before the fat hit the fan you see when I first met this young woman I didn't know who she was until she said to me something like 'Hello daddy, it's me' which was so creepy on more then one level.”
“Yes I guess in a way it is.” Holly said as she shivered from the thought of a grown woman calling anyone daddy.
“After that things really went down hill, there were the fights, the arguments, the screaming matches, the tears and more fights, until one night Maria tossed my silly backside out the door because she saw it as the only way to protect her child.” Joseph said in a sad tone.
“You mentioned fighting so did you ever hit either of them?” Holly roared in a tone that Joseph felt scared of.
“No way…” Joseph said. “I despise any man who hits a woman for any reason at all, in fact there is no reason why a man should ever lay a hand on a woman.” Joseph stated honestly.
“So what did you mean by fighting?”
“The fights were slanging matches between Maria and myself over finding Michael a new psychiatrist, one who wouldn't be so quick to diagnose Michael as being transgendered. The arguments were between Michael and myself over how he wanted to dress and how he wanted to be called Michelle. Everything else was about the other elements to do with Michelle but you get the picture.”
“Do you regret what happened?”
“Of course I do, I regret everything that happened and more importantly I regret everything I said… In fact if I could travel back in time and shove my own hand in my past-self's mouth I would in the blink of an eye.”
“So what changed your views on Michelle, because it seems to me something has.”
“I don't know, after being kicked out by Maria I found myself hauled up in a grotty little hotel room with a leaky roof, which I felt and still feel was more then I deserved. As the weeks rolled by I found I was missing my wife and my child, in fact I missed them so much I didn't care if Michael was now Michelle, all I wanted was a second chance.”
“Second chances don't come easy.”
“I know that's why I've been to much of a coward to even try.”
Ordering up a fresh drink for herself and for Joseph because while she found his past actions rather repugnant Holly found she was deeply respectful of a man who realized he was in the wrong.
“So have you had any contact with Maria and Michelle since you were thrown out?”
“Yes and no, one day a few weeks ago during a rainstorm I saw Michelle, she was under a large red umbrella that she was holding and along with her were two other young women of her age, the thing was they were all giggling. Of course I made sure Michelle didn't see me. Joseph said.
“Why did you do that?”
“Because when I saw her, when I saw Michelle and saw how she was laughing as well as giggling I could see she was really happy. Not a fake happy but truly happy and I didn't want to ruin it for her.”
“Do you honestly think seeing her father again would have ruined her day?”
“Probably, she must hate me and she is right to do so as well. You know what I found myself thinking about, I found myself thinking that as Michael he had no friends at all but as Michelle she had a pair of friends, so Michelle was better off then Michael had ever been.”
“Did you really expect anything different?”
“I don't know and that's the point, there is no real hand book for, 'help me I'm a dad with a son who wants to be a girl, what do I do?'”
Taking a drink from his freshly refilled cup Joseph shifted his weight on the uncomfortable barstool as a new girl got up on the stage behind him.
“After that day I found myself bumping into Michelle far more often and I found out other things about her life such as the fact that she didn't have just two friends, she now had a whole gaggle of them both male and female.”
“Okay.” Holly said as she took a drink from her cup.
“The funny or sad thing is when I found out Michelle had male friends as well I found myself trying to work out which one of them might have been her boyfriend.”
“So did you ever work it out?”
“Nope, not a clue but it was a huge clue to myself that I had come to accept Michelle for what she was, a girl, my daughter who hated me.”
Taking a huge gulp of drink Joseph slammed his cup down on the bar so hard that the dead thump rang out and echoed off the filth-ridden walls of the hotel.
“You know what really annoys me, it's the fact that my wife is now working two jobs to keep herself and her daughter and my daughter is working a job she hates just to have enough money to live, while I'm rolling in cash I can't do anything with cept piss away on alcohol to deaden the pain I feel.”
Holly put her large jewelled hand on Joseph's sunken shoulder to try to reassure the poor almost broken man she saw before her.
“I think what you need to do is go back to your mangy hotel room, lay off the alcohol for a few days and then try to fix things with your wife and your daughter.”
One week after Joseph had first met Holly he was just walking back to his dank little motel room with it's wet carpet that stunk like rotting organic matter. As Joseph ambled along, in no hurry to return to the place he slept at night or the dreams that awaited him there he thought long and hard about all that Holly had said to him.
Due to Joseph's lack of desire to return to the empty room that awaited him, he ended up walking towards the centre of town, where the bustle of the people and the noise of the overall rush of inner city life could drown out the voice of doubt in his head.
The centre of this city like so many others that were founded an built in the same era consisted of grand granite, slate, marble and limestone buildings that while weathered with age had stood the test of time. These buildings at the centre of town with their majestic architecture also had a property about them that caused them to echo every sound around off their solid walls, which was just what Joseph thought he needed.
With his head down to hide his face and the shame he felt Joseph slowly walked past the old court house, which might have been the biggest as well as grandest stone building in the old town, with it's gray walls and shiny marble floors. The court house might also have been the grandest building in the whole city due to it's large pillars and the gargoyles that sat at the top of the building. Joseph however, was too blinded by his rage and self loathing to see any of the beauty of the city.
Stepping past a crowd that was mostly made of students Joseph didn't even bother to look around or at least not until he heard the voice of a young woman in the crowd call out.
"Michelle, Michelle Brennan, you don't have to do this, come on down and we can find another way."
Hearing the name of his daughter being called out Joseph looked around and quickly noticed that the crowd was looking upwards. Craning his head that was heavy with guilt towards the darkening sky, Joseph quickly noticed Michelle perched next to one of the gargoyles with a look of pure fear on her face.
Looking into the eyes of Michelle who was standing high above him in a very precarious position Joseph's first instinct was to run to the front of the crowd and call out for her to step away from the edge. However before taking more then a step towards the gathered crowd Joseph realized that announcing himself in front of the crowd might have been the worst thing he could do.
With Joseph's mind clouded by his desire to help Michelle, he came up with a plan that seemed totally rational to him but in truth was foolish. Knowing that most old buildings had a fire escape that ran from the ground to the roof of the building Joseph circled around behind the building.
Finding what he was looking for at the rear of the building in a old wet alleyway that people seldom used Joseph began his panic ridden climb up the rickety old, unsafe fire escape.
Reaching the top of the building Joseph made one final effort to make it over the top of the wall before dropping onto the recessed roof below. Landing with an almost silent thud, which was what he wanted Joseph gathered himself and then took a few steps forward.
"Michelle, what ever you are thinking about doing, please don't." said Joseph in an almost pleading tone.
Hearing the voice of her no-good father, Michelle slowly turned around and stepped away from the edge of the building with an icy cold look of hate in her eyes.
"What on earth do you want!" said Michelle as she threw her arms in the air.
"I was worried that you were going to..." said Joseph who was just glad Michelle had stepped away from the edge. "I was concerned that you were going to do something silly."
"You were worried about me!" screamed Michelle as months of stored up rage about the way Joseph, her own father had treated her, finally boiled over. "The only thing you've ever been worried about is your silly pride."
"You ran out on my mother and myself, so what gives you the right to be concerned for me!"
Feeling his daughter's rage wash over him like a relentless tide Joseph once more hung his head in sorrow as the guilt he felt over what he had done once more took hold of him.
"It wasn't like that," said Joseph trying to selvage the last of his dignity. "Your mother kicked me out because we didn't see eye to eye on things."
"Yes, okay that's true she did kick you out but only because you couldn't accept the fact that I needed to be a girl," whispered Michelle in a tone she knew the people on the street below couldn't hear. "The thing is, daddy dearest, I'm on hormones now and will soon have my breasts done so nothing you can say or do will stop me from becoming the woman I am."
"Michelle, I don't want to stop you..."
Sadly for Joseph, Michelle had her dander so far up that she was unable and unwilling to listen to what her father was saying so she quickly stalked past him as she headed towards the stair case that would take her back to the top floor where she could catch an elevator back to the safety of her friends.
"For your information I was up here getting some photos of the gargoyles for art class because my friend who was meant to do it is scared of heights but it seems I am as well. So for your information father of mine I wasn't going to jump, which means you are stuck with the shame of me for a long time yet!"
Hearing Michelle's heels on the old wooden steps of the staircase Joseph swung around to face the quickly closing door.
"Michelle, wait I..."
Realizing his daughter was gone Joseph let his sentence trail off as he stood there on the wind blown old roof of that building. In the silence of the roof with only the muffled noise of the city below and the wind to keep him company, Joseph realized Michelle had evolved so far since he had last interacted with her.
When Joseph had last interacted with Michelle who was technically still Michael at the time she was unsure of herself and had a personality like a rag doll but now, now Michelle had an inner fire and light the likes of which Michael had never had. Standing there alone Joseph also realized that Michelle had changed in other ways as well, with her long hair plus her makeup and the overly feminine clothing she wore such as dresses and skirts coupled with the piercings as well as the other jewellery she wore, there was no questioning it, Michelle was every bit the young woman.
That evening as Joseph settled into his uncomfortable bed, the water from the leak splashed onto the sodden carpet in an annoyingly rhythmical tone, somehow causing Joseph to wonder what Michelle and Maria might have been up to.
What Joseph couldn't know was that at the same time as he was wondering what Michelle and Maria might have been doing, Michelle was sitting in front of her vanity looking at herself in the mirror.
92... 93... 94... 95... 96... 97... 98... 99... 100, thought Michelle as she pulled her hair brush through her hair. Pausing her nightly beauty ritual for a moment Michelle listened to the sound of her mother sleeping in the room next to her.
In spite of the fact that Michelle was trying her hardest to ignore the events of the day her mind kept on going back to the roof top and her father. Michelle's mind was filled with so many questions, so many things she didn't totally understand like why her father was even there and more importantly why had he taken the time to call her Michelle instead of Michael.
Beginning to brush the other side of her hair just like she had on so many other nights, Michelle began to play the conversation between herself and her father over in her head once more but due to the anger and resentment she still felt towards him she couldn't comprehend what he had been trying to say.
Unable to figure out why her father, the man she classified as being unable to accept her as she was would bother to try to help her, Michelle's mind started to wander as she saw her reflection and what she looked like without the breast forms. Stopping to study herself for a moment Michelle realized as much as she looked like a young woman in her pink night gown, her flat chest betrayed the whole illusion and that filled her with an angst that was almost as bad as what she felt when she was still Michael.
Due to Michelle's discomfort with not having breasts yet because the hormones she was on hadn't fully kicked in, the first thing she did when she got up was to reapply the breast forms before even going to take her morning shower.
Ding! Dong! Went the classical door bell of Maria and Michelle's home. It was one week to the day after Michelle's encounter with her father on that rooftop and those events had largely been forgotten by Michelle who had never mentioned them to her mother.
Seeing it was 10:30 in the morning on a school morning and Maria who had a day off from work wasn't expecting anyone, she walked to the door rather slowly expecting the person ringing her bell to be a phone company salesperson or else a door to door theology salesperson.
Ding! Dong! Went the door bell for the third time just as Maria reached the door. Carefully opening the door as she prepared herself for the onslaught that would come from what ever kind of salesperson it was. Maria, however was stunned into silence as she saw her husband standing there.
"What the hell are you doing here?" hissed Maria.
"I... I... I needed to talk to you," said Joseph with a voice that sounded like a nervous school boy. "It's important."
Glaring at her husband who looked like something that had been dead for far to long and who didn't smell much better Maria clacked her shoe on the metal bracing that was designed to waterproof the front door.
"What do we have to talk about, Joseph," growled Maria. "I think you made your feelings abundantly clear last time we spoke."
"I was wrong," Blurted out Joseph. "I was wrong!"
"You are the great Joseph Brennan," said Maria in a condescending tone, "You are never wrong isn't that what you once told me."
"I'm never wrong when it comes to my job but I can and have been wrong in life Maria, you know that."
"So what do you want Joseph?"
"I want to know how Michelle and yourself are going, I want to tell you something..."
"We are doing fine without you," Maria said as she shut the door slightly to indicate that Joseph wasn't welcome. "We don't need you."
"But I... but... but..."
"Was that your game all along, let Michelle and I flounder for a while and then come back here like a gallant white knight so you can state the terms of our rescue!."
"I'm not playing games Maria, I am really concerned about Michelle and yourself. The two of you are the most important women in my life so I came to offer my financial support, it's the very least I could do, Holly helped me to see that..."
Having realized that he had just said one of the dumbest things he could have said, short of asking Maria if she had gained weight, Joseph didn't even have time to explain himself or back peddle.
Bang! Went the door of the house as Maria slammed it in Joseph's face, but not before she had given him a look that could melt steel.
"Get off my lawn!" screamed Maria as her anger boiled over. "Get off my lawn before I call the police!"
Realizing that Maria's threats were more then likely not idle and noticing that the neighbours as well as the people across the road were watching him Joseph decided the best thing to do was to make a hasty retreat.
By eight o'clock that evening Joseph was in the one place where he felt welcome even if it was a seedy little hotel in a dark part of town where most of the dancers had something extra that he didn't even want to think about.
"Hey I didn't expect to see you back so soon," said Holly's voice as Joseph felt someone sit down beside him. "So what are you doing?"
"Well I'm not drinking alcohol," stated Joseph as he held up his glass of ginger ale. "And I'm not having much luck on the home front either."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Why would you want to hear about my issues with my family?"
"Because silly, it's what I do, I help people who need help be it young transgender people or foolish men who throw away what they have because they are too blind to see it."
"Foolish men who throw things away, now that would sum me up wouldn't it!"
"You said it Joseph not me."
Sighing as he took a drink from his cup as he ignored the guy who was standing about four feet away glaring at him, Joseph turned so he could face Holly.
"I decided to do what you said I should do, I laid off the grog and dried out for a few days then I had an encounter with my daughter."
"An encounter?"
"It's a long story but basically I was down town when I passed a mass of people who were all looking up at the roof of a building. As I walked past the mob I heard someone call out Michelle's name so I looked up."
"What did you see?"
"I saw Michelle up on top of the building perched near the edge with a scared look on her face, so in my panic about what I thought she might do I scrambled up the fire escape to stop her."
"Did you think she was going to jump?"
"Yes, I honestly thought she was going to throw herself off the building so I went to try to stop her. I know it was foolish because I could have made things worse but I really wasn't thinking at the time."
"What was Michelle really up to because I assume from what you have said already it wasn't to jump."
"No it wasn't to jump, it was so Michelle could gather photos of the brickwork for her art class. I didn't even know she was doing an art class."
"It didn't go well? Your meeting with her I mean."
"No, it didn't, it didn't go well at all. Right from the outset I felt like I was staring down a rabid beast, every time I said something to Michelle she rebuffed it with anger or rage."
"Did you expect anything less?"
"Yes, no... I don't know, I was just hoping she... they wouldn't be so hostile."
"They?"
"Oh I went to see Maria earlier today," said Joseph as he took a long drink to calm his beating heart. "It went worse then my encounter with Michelle."
"How so?" asked Holly, who was keeping her questions simple so Joseph could reach his own conclusions.
"Well having found today was Maria's day off I went to our... her house around 10:00 o'clock this morning so I could speak to her."
"Didn't go so well?"
"At first Maria just seemed mildly hostile towards me, we even managed to talk for a while..."
"So what went wrong?"
"You know I'm really not sure. I remember telling Maria I was wrong. I also remember Maria telling me that I was never wrong..."
"Why would Maria say something like that?" asked Holly who was finally becoming comfortable using the names of people she didn't really know while speaking about them.
"In the early days of my job I was known as the man who was never wrong. It was just a nickname I had once come to believe in although I don't anymore but it made the perfect weapon for Maria to lob at me." said Joseph.
"So what happened after that?"
"Maria accused me of letting herself and Michelle flounder for a while so I could then come along and present myself as some kind of hero so I could state the terms that it would take to save them."
"Joseph, what do you mean by state the terms?"
"Knowing Maria and knowing what her job was I would have to say that she meant I had planned it so I could tell them that I would only help them if Michelle went back to being Michael, which is the last thing I want now."
"Does Maria know that you have made your piece with Michelle being Michelle?"
"I tried to tell her, I really did. I even told Maria that she and Michelle were..."
At that moment Joseph lent forward slightly and began to bang his head on the bar making the half empty glasses on it shake and rattle.
"I'm such an idiot," said Joseph after he had finished hitting his head on the bar and after he had remembered what he had done wrong. "I'm such a stupid idiot."
Feeling somewhat concerned for Joseph, Holly made sure that he wasn't going to hit his head on the bar anymore, by putting one of her hands on his chest so she could push back if he lent forwards.
"Why are you an idiot?"
"I told her..." said Joseph. "I told Maria that she and Michelle were the two most important women in my life but in the same sentence I mentioned that you had helped me to see that."
There was a very long silence after Joseph had spoken that was only ended when Holly looked at the clock on the wall and noticed the time.
"Hey I've got to do my bit up on stage, so would you like to stay and catch the show?"
"What?" said Joseph in a state of shock.
"Oh don't worry Joseph, I'm post-op," said Holly as she gave a smile. "Besides I'm just a singer, which means I don't take my clothing off."
"Might as well... I mean I might as well stay for your show." said Joseph
Buying himself another ginger ale Joseph made his way towards the seats in front of the stage where the other people were starting to gather. Remembering what Holly had told him about the people who came to this place and how they sat, Joseph took a seat on an end chair right in the back row.
When Holly finally stepped onto the stage Joseph was stunned by what he saw. It turned out Holly was a beautiful woman in her late thirties or early forties, with long dark hair and large green eyes. Holly's large green eyes coupled with the jewellery she wore and the white low cut dress she had on really made her dark skin stand out on the well lit stage.
As Holly walked to the centre front of the stage and took the microphone from it's holder Joseph realized he hadn't even known that Holly had dark skin up until that moment.
When Holly finally cut lose with the song that she was planning to sing Joseph realized she had one of the best singing voices he had heard in years, she was sweet and she was soft, unlike modern songstresses who couldn't even sing and made their way on their bodies or names.
When Holly was done with her song Joseph stood up and clapped like many of the other people and then as the crowd dispersed he decided it was best if he returned to the bar so he wasn't around in case any other acts of a different nature began.
Sitting at the bar about half an hour later Joseph heard Holly sit down next to him so he turned to face her and smiled, just before the scent of strawberries hit him.
"You were wonderful, in fact you are the first new singer I've heard in a long time that I liked."
Smiling from her shadow Holly took a drink from a fresh cup of ginger ale that Joseph had ordered her.
"Thanks, but you have something else on your mind don't you, I can see it written on your face."
"I guess I do have something on my mind," responded Joseph. "Just before you went to do your number you used a term I didn't understand."
"What, post-op?" asked Holly.
"That's the one."
"Oh that's a hard one to explain, some transgender women like myself under go an operation, which most males would find horrific."
"What kind of an operation?"
"It's sometimes known as Sex reassignment surgery, gender reassignment surgery or else more commonly known as a sex-change operation. Basically in the case of transwomen, check the wikipedia for more information on that word, have an operation that in simple terms changes their penis into a vagina."
"Really?" asked Joseph in a rather high sounding voice.
"Yep really, once the operation is done and if it is done well those transwomen who under go it can function sexually as the female they are."
Joseph, upon hearing the words that Holly had said, picked up his cup and drunk it down in one huge gulp.
"Oh, Joseph you should get going now." said Holly with a sense of urgency as she looked at the clock on the wall.
"What, why?" questioned Joseph.
"Because this place shuts down in about half an hour and a gentleman like you wouldn't want to be around when that happens."
Deciding to take Holly's advice at face value Joseph stood up and smiled before turning to leave, however he didn't take more then a few steps before he turned back around.
"Holly, thank you for tonight and thank you for helping me to sort out my problems, but do you think you can tell me why I can smell strawberries?"
"Strawberries and cat-girls, that's me," smiled Holly. "I just hope you can solve things with your wife and daughter or else work out where to go from here."
Later when Joseph returned to his hotel room and opened the door, the smell from the carpet overwhelmed him and it was in that moment he knew he had to do something to get away from that hotel room forever, but what he wasn't sure.
T.B.C.
Well I hope this lived up to the expectations of the first part and thank you for reading thus far...
I also hope I got some of the kinks out of my writing style.
“Well aren't you becoming quite the regular.” Joked Holly as she sat down beside Joseph. "So what have you been up to?"
“Oh just this and that.” Responded Joseph as he ordered two drinks.
“This and that?”
“Yes, it's been a long week for me and I wanted to relax for a while.”
“So any progress with Maria and Michelle?”
“None, I'm afraid, none at all, then again I really haven't had the time.”
“Why is that? What has kept you busy?”
“House hunting mostly.”
“House hunting, what do you mean by that?”
“Well last time we spoke you mentioned something about working out where I should go from where I am. Anyway, I decided in case things do not work out between Maria and I, I should have backup plans.
“That's not really a good way to look at your situation. You need to keep up hope that things will work out.”
“I do still have hope, Holly but just in case hope isn't enough I also now have a small two bedroom cottage to live in instead of that horrible hotel room.”
Holly soon noticed that Joseph had stopped talking and had started to look around as if something was bothering him.
“Joseph,” said Holly as she put her hand on his shoulder. “What's wrong?”
“It's nothing,” responded Joseph. “Okay so it's that brown haired guy over there with the small moustache, he glares at me every time I'm here and last time I went to the bathroom he grumbled something at me that a gentleman can't repeat.”
“Oh him, that's George. You should just ignore him.”
“What, why?”
“George and I have a long history, would you like to hear it?”
“Okay, sure.”
“Long ago, there was a time when I was younger, a time before I had gotten my operation. In that time long ago I, like so many of the women on the stage now, was a dancer and a stripper.”
“R… r… really?”
“Hey don't choke on your drink!”
“Okay, I think I should just put my drink down while you are telling me this story.”
“In the long ago, there was a time when I was a stripper, every night I would dance on that stage and shake my body for the men and women below. I really hated that job but it made me the money for my operation so in the end it balanced out well.”
“So how does glaring George over in the corner factor into this story?”
“George, poor, poor George, he was my biggest fan at the time and it was his tips that helped me to get my operation done. George was so taken with me that he honestly felt that I danced for only him.”
“Let me guess, after your operation he wasn't so happy?”
“Hole in one, Joseph, or at least George didn't like the idea of the new hole in this one.”
“What?”
“George didn't like the idea that I had gotten the operation, he said it sent me to ruination.”
“Sent you to ruin did it?”
“Yes, George is one of those guys who likes his women with that little bit extra.”
Hearing Joseph make a slight grossed out sound, Holly just waited as he took a long drink from his cup of drink that had sat on the bar for along enough to allow it to become hot.
“Anyway,” said Holly. “George and I got into a fight one night over what I had done. During the fight, George told me directly that I had no right to have gender reassignment surgery. My only response to George was that it was my right to do with my body as I wished because it was my body and not his.”
“So what happened after that?” asked Joseph.
“After that, George never spoke to me again, he just lingers around watching the pre-op women or else glaring at people like you.” stated Holly.
“But why me?”
“Why you Joseph, because you are talking to me and that is what George hates the worst, another man showing interest of any kind in me.”
“So what do I do about him?”
“He is totally non-violent so just ignore him and you'll be fine.”
Having said what she felt she needed to say Holly stood up and smiled before turning towards the stage.
“Well I have to go get dressed as a cat girl now but you are welcome to watch my show again if you want.”
Standing up himself Joseph took the last of his drink and drunk it as his eyebrow raised slightly.
“Cat girl?” questioned Joseph.
“Like I said, strawberries and cat girls, that's me.” Stated Holly as she walked towards the door where most of the stage acts came from.
When Joseph's wait to see Holly on stage was over and she finally walked into the light he was slightly confused by what she was wearing. Holly wore a strange costume that consisted of a pair of fake white cat ears on top of her head as well as a pair of furry gloves and furry boots. Completing Holly's costume was a white strapless one-piece bathing suit like thing with a thick furry tail hanging off the back.
Of course Joseph quickly found that Holly's odd choice of clothing did not affect her performance in anyway, in fact if anything he noticed that she seemed to be enjoying herself more then ever.
After Holly's number was over both Joseph and she returned to their seats where she ordered both of them a fresh set of drinks.
“That was different,” Stated Joseph in an uncertain tone. “Don't get me wrong I loved the song but the costume was strange to me that's all.”
“Oh that's my cat girl costume,” said Holly. “I just love to wear it from time to time.”
Holly soon found herself in a rather uncomfortable position as Joseph stood up and got too close to her. As a moment passed Holly worked out that whatever Joseph was doing was not anything she needed to be frightened of because he barely even noticed her as he worked.
Wondering what Joseph was up to Holly quickly found her whole body bathed in a soft hazy white glow from above. Having completed what he had planned Joseph quickly sat down.
“I didn't want you sitting in the dark,” stated Joseph quietly as he looked at Holly under the pure white light.
“Well you really lit up my world didn't you,” giggled Holly. “Thank you for the light but why and what is it because I've never seen such light before.”
“Your welcome. As for the light, it is a new LED or light emitting diode bulb. As a LED bulb, it draws far less energy then either a filament or Compact florescent bulb, however the light output is lower.”
“So it's a green alternative that produces less light then other sources, which is great for a bar where light is a bad thing.”
“That's about right, Holly.”
“So why did you install it for me?”
“To be honest, ever since I met you, you've been sitting on that same seat in the shadows and I felt seeing nobody else had changed the light bulb then it was only fitting I did. Oh and don't worry I asked Joe before I did anything.”
“Besides,” said Joseph as he smiled. “A lady as pretty as you are, really shouldn't hide in the shadows like you do.”
“You noticed that huh?”
“Yeah, why do you tend to hide yourself from sight?”
“I don't know, maybe it's because I feel out of place here.”
“Out of place, how come you feel like that?”
“Well there are two factors, the first you need to understand is there is this prevailing belief amongst many post-op transsexuals that they need to hide their past and just live as women, it's sometimes called blending.”
“So post-op male to female transsexuals just want to live as women, that seems fair enough to me, Holly.”
“On paper yes, but in reality these trans-women have made friends with others who are earlier in the process then themselves but in their rabid need to hide from their past they end those friendships, often in the worst possible way.”
“That feels wrong somehow and people who do that really need to take a good hard look at who they are because they sound worse then me.”
“You aside for a moment, when I went for my operation I made the vow never to forget what I am. I might be a woman now but I still remember I was not always that way and I also remember that there are others who want to be like me who might need my help.”
“What does that have to do with hiding in the shadows?”
“Because in a way I'm an outcast. I am not like those who want to hide but at the same time, I am not like the other women here.”
“I think I understand, so what is the other reason?”
“The other reason… well it's not really important so lets just forget it.”
Having said her piece Holly picked up her drink and drunk some of it as a way to break the conversation so she did not have to talk about herself anymore.
“Anyway enough about me,” stated Holly. “How about you, tell me about your new house?”
“Oh my house,” said Joseph. “It's a smallish cottage like place, with a nice lawn and a white picket fence. It is only a two-bedroom house, which is not a problem because I am the only one living there. Of course, the big negative to the house is that it is eight doors down the street from where Maria and Michelle live.”
“How did you end up getting a house that was that close to them?”
“Not by design that's for sure, I just went looking for a small cheap place, near my work and near other places common to my life. How was I to know until I saw the home that the only place in town that was suitable was near my old house.”
“So have you moved in?”
“Yeah, anything to get away from that hotel room with it's damp carpet and dripping water pipe.”
Picking up his drink, Joseph quickly swallowed it down before looking around the room just to make sure that glaring George was not too close.
“Holly there is something I've been meaning to ask you,” said Joseph.
“Okay?” Responded Holly in a slightly confused tone because she was not sure why Joseph was acting so formal all of a sudden.
“It is about the whole situation with Maria and Michelle…”
T.B.C.