Synopsis

Brandon is a bright boy growing up near Albuquerque, New Mexico. He likes school, soccer, computer games, and playing in the school band. Small for his age and youngest in his class, his size has made him the target of every school bully for years. Each year the verbal and physical abuse increases, finally wearing him down to the point he doesn't know if he can continue. Just as he reaches the end of his rope, he is suddenly befriended by a classmate he least expected. As their friendship grows and deepens, Brandon learns the value of a best friend and finds himself moving down a road he never expected. Over the course of the school year, his friend helps him discover and cope with his feelings, hopes, dreams - and fears.

This is the story of a young person's unusual journey to stand up to the numerous obstacles that life has dealt him - and to become the person he believes himself to be. (Part 1 of 6)

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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

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The Legal Stuff: Standing Up to Life  © 2008 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2008 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
 
I began this trilogy of novels last year, first publishing this book at FictionMania and Story Site in March last year. Setting out to tell a story I felt I needed to tell, I was pleased that the readers of both sites seemed to enjoy the work. A couple months after I initially posted this book at FictionMania I met a dear friend Carla Ann who offered her services as an editor. With her help I began to go back and proof this book a few months ago for publishing at Lulu.com. More than anything I liked the idea of having a hardback edition of the book for myself, but I felt that perhaps others might enjoy a copy as well.

With that information in mind I am posting a standard copy of this here at BigCloset, and announcing that I have three versions available for purchasing through My Store (www.lulu.com/tiffanyshar) at Lulu.com. There are 6x9 hardback editions and paperback editions, as well as a high quality pdf version available for download. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it from my store. I hope to have it available through Amazon.com in a couple months as well, and will offer to have Erin sell it through her Amazon page at that time.

Thank you to all of you, my amazing readers, who have enjoyed this work in the past. You will discover that this new version is much more refined than what I initially posted a year ago. I hope you all enjoy this and my other novels. I hope to have the second book, Daring to Hope, also available in this form by mid-March, and the third book will hopefully be available this summer! I will make future announcements about Book Three through my Lulu storefront as well.

I will be posting this in six segments during this week. Please enjoy, and thanks for reading!

     -Tiffany Shar

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Chapter 1
 
 
I WALKED UP to the bus stop, hoping maybe today would be better. Maybe today wouldn't be one of the bad days I had so often. For instance the day before… the day before was a terrible day. I had come home crying again. My name is Brandon, and at the time this all began, I was eleven years old. I was just barely old enough to be in the sixth grade. I attended Holden Middle School, where I was everyone's favorite kid to pick on. My town is just about twenty-five minutes away from Albuquerque, NM. Close enough to go in if we want to during the evening, but far enough away to be away from the smog and other city troubles.
 
 
I had hoped when I moved up to the middle school to have a new start - perhaps losing the problems I had before in elementary school, but they'd only compounded and gotten worse. All of this was going through my mind as I walked the block to my bus stop.

As I arrived I watched cautiously to see if there were any plans in action that I needed to be aware of. The bus stop consisted of a dirt lot that had a volleyball court from a neighboring church in it. It's really just the standard dirt lot you see all over the southwest, with plenty of weeds and rocks. It definitely wouldn't have been a destination for me other than it being the bus stop.

I looked down at my watch and saw that I had arrived about five minutes before the bus would arrive. Looking around further I saw Luke had gotten to the bus stop already… not good. As I saw him, he turned around and gave me a narrowing look before heading over my way.

"Well if it isn't little Brandon. I'm surprised you came back to school today after yesterday. I see your arm is starting to turn a nice purple today… Maybe we can make your legs match it!" He said laughing, a couple of his friends came up and started to taunt me together. "You know on a lot of guys your spiked hair means they shouldn't be messed with. But on you it really doesn't do you any good!" Joe, another guy taunted.

The bad part was that Lucas was actually just a lieutenant in the group of guys that gave me trouble. If these guys were already getting on my case it would only get worse. I could tell this was about to get out of hand real fast. Joe started to make a grab for my arm about the time that the bus pulled up - thankfully it was early that day.

"What are you kids doing? Do I need to write you all up?!?" Our bus driver Miss Amy screamed at us. They instantly let me go, but I knew that this story would get to my mom (another bus driver) before I got home. Great… another day of hell all around. So much for today.

As I took my seat my eyes started welling up - I couldn't help it - I'd dealt with this nonstop since I was in first grade. It seemed like, no matter what, there was always another bully to make it their personal mission to torment me. I didn't do a very good job of dealing with it either, so it just kept happening.
 
 
It didn't help that I wasn't big enough to come off as a threat to anyone. At four-feet-two-inches, and seventy-five pounds, I was the smallest boy in my class. There was one girl, Nikki, who was shorter than me, and kept me from having the honor of being the shortest in the entire class of a-hundred-and-eighty kids. I was also a year younger than a lot of the kids since my birthday had just fallen inside the deadline for my grade level. My parents had wanted to keep me from entering kindergarten that year, but the preschool I was at insisted that mentally I was ready. They were right on that part - I was one of the smartest kids at the school - but emotionally I was a baby in comparison. Something the kids always enjoyed reminding me.

By the time the bus pulled up to the school I had regained some control of my eyes and wiped them dry. I got off the bus and took my instrument into the band room storage closet. Then I waited outside the main door to go in for the day. I could feel the stares of the other kids burning in my backside. I was scanning around the waiting area for anyone that might give me trouble. That's when I noticed Matt had joined up with the group of guys that had been with Lucas. Matt was the leader that I spoke of earlier.

He had brought his own group with him to make a formidable gang of kids. As far as I could tell their entire goal in life was to see how miserable they could make other people. I was easily on the top of their list of targets.

I could hear Lucas snickering to Matt how he had caused me to cry already that day. They were more than ten feet away, but I could hear them very clearly. I had developed very good hearing as a result of my torment - it was a defense mechanism. I'd learned early on that being able to tell when someone was going to bother me was the best way for me to avoid trouble. I saw them point at me just as the bell rang and I tried to hurry to my locker before anything else happened.

As I got to my locker I opened it quickly and grabbed my books, putting them into my backpack as quickly as I could. I closed my locker just in time to turn around and stare at Matt and Lucas right behind me.

"So I hear Baby Brandon made another appearance this morning. Maybe baby needs to go back to day care instead of Middle School?" Matt sneered at me. As he did so he grabbed my arm and shoved me into my locker. I landed on my good arm, that hadn't been bruised, right on top of one of the locker dials. I was instantly in tons of pain, and I knew that I had a new bruise to match my other one.

I did my best to try not to cry - I knew that was what he wanted, but then he punched me in the stomach as he walked away from me. I was crying as I walked up the stairs to my first class. As I walked in Mr. Krantz, my teacher saw me.

Mr. Krantz asked, "Brandon why don't you go to the bathroom and wash your face?"

I nodded, "Thanks," and sniffled at the same time as I headed for the bathroom. I managed to regain control and went back to class… This was not going to be a good day.

When I went back to class and sat down I relaxed a little. At least I was in a sanctuary of the classroom now. This class was biology - my favorite academic subject of the day. Mr. Krantz was by far the hardest teacher I had ever had though. A point that was going to be made clear today.

"Morning everyone, I want to give you a chance to see what your grade is going to be when it comes out on your report cards Friday. I'll call you up one at a time to show you."

I sat there waiting as he went through the names until he got to the J's. "Brandon, you're next." As I looked down at his paper I almost fainted… A C?!?!?!?!?!?
 
 
"Is that a mistake Mr. Krantz?"

"No Brandon, it looks like your vocab notes are what knocked your grade down. Make sure you write neatly next nine weeks so we can get that grade up."

To say I was miffed would be to put it mildly. I could clearly see I wasn't the only one, and I was sure that nobody was getting an A in his class if I wasn't. I had been a mostly A student since second grade… A C did not sit well with me.

"Psst… Brandon." The girl next to me, Amy, said. "What did you get?"

"A stupid C..." I said as quietly as I could through my anger, trying not to lose it again. Thankfully I was too shocked to cry. "What did you get?"

"A B-, I had an eighty percent exactly. Laura got an eighty-eight over there. She's got the highest grade I've heard of so far." We were going to keep talking but Mr. Krantz gave us the teacher glare, so we both shut up.
 
 
A couple minutes later Mr. Krantz stood up at the front of the class and started talking. "Many of you are no doubt shocked at your grade, indeed some of you I was worried that you might faint." The jerk smiled as he said that… "In my class I take very literally the meaning of the names of the grades. An F is Failing - I handed out five of those in this class. He started graphing the numbers. A D is nearly failing, I handed out seven of those to this class. A C is average, I handed out thirteen of those in this class. A B is above average, I handed out two of those in this class. And finally an A is excellent and superior. I did not have any A's in this class, this nine weeks."

He continued to speak for ten minutes on this topic before we moved on. I had a seventy-nine percent, one stinking point away from being a B. It was clear I was going to have to work a lot harder to get an A in this class. At least I found out I had the highest grade of any of the boys.

I went downstairs from Biology over to my social studies class. Amazingly I managed to make it without incident. Maybe today could improve? Mr. Randolph was my social studies teacher, and he smiled and said hi as each of us walked in. He was a different kind of teacher… in most ways he was actually probably a terrible teacher… but at least as class went on today I found out I had an A+ in his class. Of course it seemed like the only thing we did in his class was watch America's Funniest Home Videos…

When I finished that hour though, I was off to my favorite class - Band. I had just started playing saxophone this year and I was really pumped about it! Mrs. Remar was also good about keeping control of the bullies in my class - something I greatly appreciated. Especially since Matt also played saxophone. I was first chair though, which meant that I had some space between him and myself.

I sat down and we began playing a number out of the book. "Saxophones you're playing too loud!" Mrs. Remar seemed to love saying that… That period went well. I was excited about playing and having a good time in that class. I found out from Mrs. Remar that I was receiving an A+ in band, and also got to see her chew Matt out for doing something stupid… I definitely felt like the day was turning around.

I put my saxophone up quickly and took the shortcut from band to the choir room through her office. Having two electives as a sixth grader was definitely nice.

I WALKED into the choir room and sat down on the front riser where I stood due to my short size. Mrs. Schultz greeted me as I came in. She was the one person in this school for whom I believe more students picked on than me… As a new teacher she was making just about every mistake in the book of mistakes, and making up some new ones. Even I would place bets on the possibility of her running to her office crying some days.

"Brandon, here, this a new piece we're going to sing. Go ahead and put it in your folder." She handed me a piece of music as she said that.

"Thanks Mrs. Schultz." I looked at the piece, it was called, All The Pretty Little Horses… 'Yeah that was a real manly song to sing,' I thought to myself. I was sure the other guys were going to have a field day with this piece. Oh well. I looked at it and thought it sounded like it was going to be a pretty piece.

Everyone joined me on the risers as they came in. Mrs. Schultz was in her office grabbing something when one of the boys next to me started snickering from some joke that a guy named Pete had told. I was really hoping that it didn't have anything to do with me. In the meantime another girl, Ashley, tapped me on my shoulder to get my attention.

"Brandon can I touch your hair?" I had my hair in the spiked hair style that was quickly fading from coolness, but was still unique. I wanted to say no - I didn't like people messing with it, but it was pretty much stuck up there so I said, "I guess."

"This feels so cool, I was expecting it to be hard and pointy, but it's actually really soft. Amy feel this!" Ashley said.

"Ooh, this isn't what I expected either, Brandon what do you do to make it stick up?" Amy asked.

"Well you know, I just stick my finger in the light socket everyday and it just does this. Hurts a bit for a second, but it saves tons of time!" I said jokingly.

Amy and Ashley chuckled a bit. Amy said, "You know Brandon you can be funny sometimes, I wish more people gave you the chance to do so." She said sweetly making my face turn red.

"You're also the only guy I know that can blush like that!" She said making me really embarrassed. I didn't know what to think about this. I wasn't used to her paying any attention to me. I wasn't exactly in her social circle. Well… at the moment I wasn't really in any social circle!

"So really, what do you do?" She asked again.

"I just take a comb and some water and run it through it backwards. Then I spray some hairspray on. I used to have to put gel in it, but it does it on its own anymore." I replied.

"Cool," She responded.

Soon about four of the girls were enjoying the fact that my hair stuck straight up but wasn't stiff. I'd been spiking it for about four years at that point, so it really did do it on its own. It was getting a little long now for it though (about an inch and a half long,) and I was going need to cut it if I wanted
it to keep from having to gel it.

In the meantime one of the boys that had been laughing leaned over and told Jordan (another girl to my right) something to which she looked at me and started laughing… Yep whatever it was it had to do with me.

Soon Pete couldn't contain his humor anymore. "Brandon, have you seen the movie, The Christmas Story?"

"Umm… no?" I replied cautiously. Whatever this was it wouldn't be good.

"Because other than your hair you look just like Ralphy," he said in a manner that wasn't nice.

Another boy, Robert, asked me, "so do you have a BB gun?"

"Yes, why do you ask?" I asked. I hadn't seen the movie before so I had no idea what was coming.

"Because you'll shoot your eye out!" He said. He and his friends laughed really hard. So did the rest of the class unfortunately.

Thankfully that was the moment that Mrs. Schultz decided to try teaching the class. She was a much better target than me. "Okay, up until now we've been singing songs with just one part this year. The new piece I handed out has three parts, and I want to go ahead and split everyone up into their proper parts. For now I want all of the boys on my right side and all of the girls on my left side."

It was an amazing thing actually, we had about ten boys in our choir class in addition to the twenty girls. You don't see that in a lot of choir programs. I moved over to the right side and we started working on the piece. About five minutes later she was working with the boys on their part, when she heard me having trouble getting down low enough.

"Brandon, would you try singing this instead?" She had me singing the soprano part though I didn't know it yet.

"Okay," I said. I was very proud of how high I could sing. Looking back at it now I wished I had joined a boys or even a children's chorus. I loved singing and know that I would have had a great time being in one of those groups. I had no problems reaching those pitches at all.

"Okay Brandon, would you move over next to Amy there?" I was petrified now… oh no… this skill backfired big-time! Now I was going to get more crap from the kids about this. So much for things getting better this morning… As I walked over to stand by Amy, I was glad that she at least smiled at me. On the far side of the choir the other guys snickered. This couldn't get any worse I thought.

Mrs. Schultz spoke up, "Now class Brandon has a lovely voice that at certain times in history would have meant he would have been treated like royalty. Boys that could sing high were accorded a very high place in the choirs that were in the kings courts…" I tuned it out, I was wrong, it could get worse. After three minutes of terribly screwing things up more for me, we started singing again.

As class ended I left as quickly as I could, not looking or speaking to Mrs. Schultz as I left for lunch.
 
 
WHEN I GOT into the lunch line I heard snickering behind me. I turned around to see it was Pete talking to Matt. Great.

"Brandon, just ignore them, they're just jealous." Amy said as she appeared next to me.

"That's easier said than done," I said trying to keep control of my voice. Couldn't anything go right in my life?

"Personally I really like your voice. I think you can actually sing higher than I can." Amy said trying to cheer me up. I was kind of bewildered. It wasn't like we'd never talked before, but at the same time for her to talk to me in public was new and unexpected.

"Thanks Amy, I appreciate it."

"You're welcome."

We didn't say anything else as the line wound through the lunchroom. I actually was feeling a little better about myself, one of the hottest girls in my grade at school was talking to me. I got my wonderfully healthy meal of French Fries and went to have a seat by myself at a table as far away from Matt's thugs as I could.

I had one fry to go when Matt and Lucas came up to me. "Hey Ralphy, don't shoot your eye out!"

A kid nearby asked, "Why are you calling Brandon, Ralphy?"

"Because he looks like Ralphy from The Christmas Story," Matt said as loudly as he thought he could get away with without being yelled at. "And he cries just as much too!" He said while grabbing my last fry and pushing me off of my seat.

"Matt!" A teacher said from across the room. "Come Here!"
 
 
I was beside myself and went from the cafeteria to the bathroom crying. I couldn't believe it, not only did I have a bad nickname I didn't want, but it was going to spread through the school like wildfire now! Not to mention Matt was going to blame his getting in trouble on me. I stayed in there for a couple minutes before one of the PE Coaches came to check on me.

"Brandon, are you alright, Bud?" Coach U asked.

"Yeah, I guess." I replied shakily.

"You've got to stop giving him what he wants. Anytime he can get a reaction out of you he's feeding off of it. If you can even at least keep from crying immediately after it you'll make some progress. Or, and I'm not saying this, stand up to him and push him back."

"He's twice my size though…" I said.

"Yes he is, and he may very well use that against you, but even just standing up to him will cause him to realize there are easier targets. Just think about it, Brandon, I need you to go ahead and move on though, you can't stay in here. Matt will be out of your hair today and tomorrow - I can promise you that."

"Thanks Coach." I said as I left. I decided to go by the snack bar real quick to get a coke and a Reese's.

From there I went outside and found a spot on a low, decorative, stucco wall and tried to stay out of sight. I somehow succeeded until the bell rang and I went inside for PE. I went in and changed as quickly as I could - but not quite quickly enough.

"Hey Brandon, the girls locker room is on the other side of the gym," an eighth grader named Bryce said.

"Ha-ha you're very funny." I replied.

"I know I am, kind of like that face of yours," he said as I tried to get past him and go into the gym.

"Actually I understand I'm supposed to call you Ralphy now, I sure hope you don't shoot your eye out with that BB gun of yours." He said as he finally let me walk by. As I walked by he tried to trip me, but thankfully that was one thing I was good at recovering from. I stumbled for a step but kept on going. I made it to the safety of my line and we began warming up.

Mrs. Bradley, our fifty-eight year old PE teacher, got up to the front of the class and said, "Okay class today we're going to run the mile. Everyone will do four laps around the track and I'll time you." I groaned, I played soccer and could run for short distances at a time very well, but I was terrible at the mile.

We walked out the door and another kid tried tripping me. I again managed to avoid falling. After we all lined up at the starting line she yelled, "Go!" I ran as well as I could, but I was much slower than any of the other boys. I managed to run it in nine minutes and twenty seconds. That was by far the fastest time I had ever run the mile.

By the time I was done I was exhausted and sat down on grass next to the track to rest. Amazingly I wasn't the last person. That honor fell to the kids that
didn't care and practically walked the whole way. A couple minutes later Nikki came and sat down next to me. She was the girl I mentioned earlier that was smaller than me. She was just shy of four feet tall, and was usually pretty nice to me.

"So Brandon are you going to go?" She asked in and excited manner.

"What are you talking about Nikki?" I asked.

"Haven't you had English yet?" She asked. I shook my head. "Well you'll find out more when you have English, but they're offering that trip to Florida this summer through the school. Ms. Fitzgerald came up from the elementary school today to talk to all of the sixth graders that came from Maple Elementary. They'll call you out of class to talk to you. Since it was unexpected for us to go to the middle school instead of being at the elementary school again they decided to go ahead and offer the trip to us so we don't miss out."

So for those of you that are a little confused, our elementary school offered a trip every year to sixth graders to Florida. It was a really cool trip, and we all had hoped to be able to go. You had to pay/fundraise your own way to go though, so not a lot of people went. In April, our school board in all its wisdom, suddenly voted to expand the middle school to include sixth through eighth graders this year. All of the sudden we found ourselves in a new school a year earlier than we expected. That's a whole other fun subject, but one of the reasons we were all mad about it was this trip.

"So are you going?" I asked.

"I'm hoping to, I'll talk to my parents tonight about it. I'll tell you tomorrow what they say, okay?" She said.

"Yeah, that would be so cool." I now had a reason to look forward to going to sixth hour!

I had been to Disneyland in California that previous summer for the first time and it had been really cool. The previous summer had actually marked a huge change for my family. My dad had worked at his company for ten years now, and they got bought out by a larger company. In doing so he had to cash out his entire pension.

That had enabled us to move out of the trailer I had grown up in, and into a real house. My parents had also surprised me in July with a trip to Disneyland. I had grown up in New Mexico, and had never previously been outside of the Four Corners States. My parents weren't rich though, so I didn't know whether or not we could afford this. Still… maybe, just maybe!

I talked with her for a few more minutes. It was kind of funny because the two of us were like a couple days apart in age (she was older) - between that and our height I had always been friends with her. We talked about how we were excited about how band was going so far. (She played flute) Class wrapped up pretty
soon after that and I went into the locker room to change.

After a four minute hell session where, I discovered that Ralphy was definitely going to stick, I managed to get out of there without any more physical violence against me.
 
 
I HURRIED ON to my English class, going down the one hallway that connected that wing to the main school, and down another to get to the oldest wing of the school and up the staircase. This led to the room of Mr. Tamera, probably the worst English teacher of all time. To get you to shut up he'd say, 'shut the mouth.' The more I think about it I had a lot of bad teachers that year!

I sat down in my chair, and after he called roll he called those of us from Maple Elementary to go down the hall to an empty classroom where Ms. Fitzgerald was waiting.

"Hi Ms. Fitz!" I said as I walked up and gave her a hug. She had been one of the few teachers who had really tried - and somewhat succeeded - to keep my life from being as rough. I hadn't even been in her class last year and she had still helped as much as she could. She had taught sixth grade at Maple Elementary, but chose to stay there instead of moving up to the middle school this year with most of the other teachers.

Right behind me Amy greeted her just as enthusiastically - as did most of the other kids. There were about eight students present for the meeting. I saw they had not invited some of the students, like Matt and Lucas, who were from that school too. I knew they had English this hour and should have been here for this. I wasn't going to complain though.

"How are you all doing?" She asked. "You've all grown a bunch since I saw you all last year. Well I'm guessing most of you have heard about why I'm here to talk to you, but just in case here it is!" She said enthusiastically, but not condescendingly, as only a good teacher can.

"We've received permission to offer the Florida Experience trip to you guys even though you're not at the elementary anymore. We decided to only offer it to students that passed all of their classes last year and were from Maple Elementary. The district approved that and we're going to do it that way!" She smiled as she said that.

"I won't keep you long, but basically if you go you'll go for six days and five nights to Orlando, Fl. We'll go to Disney World, Kennedy Space Center, Universal Studios, and the beach among other things. Your parents are welcome to come along if they want to. We're willing to help you organize some fundraisers, but you do have to pay for it on your own. Do any of you think your parents might be interested?"

Amy, Kyle, and I raised our bands. The other kids shook their heads, I don't think their parents had a chance of affording it, and they unfortunately already knew the response they would get if they asked. I didn't honestly think my parents could either, but I thought it wouldn't hurt to ask. I looked at the stuff that they gave me. It was only seven-hundred dollars to go on the trip! That was cheap and I knew it.

As we left Amy spoke to me briefly, "Brandon that would be so exciting if we could all go together. And, it looks like we won't have any of those jerks with us either!"

"Yes that would be nice wouldn't it?" I replied as we went separate ways. My thoughts had paralleled hers. There was a meeting next week for anyone interested. I only hoped I could get my parents to go to it!

I got back to class getting plenty of stares of "why did he get to go?" But I couldn't answer even if they asked, Mr. Tamera was droning on about some stupid tense thing. I understood it within one minute of his twenty-six minute lecture we had to endure. I got the feeling he had droned on fourteen minutes before that too! All in his broken English. Shouldn't an English teacher be able to speak English?!?

I left that class still on a high from my hopes of possibly going on the trip. I got to Math and did my homework quickly while he talked on. I had my homework done and when I looked at my watch I saw that I still had thirty minutes of class to go. I checked the odd answers with the ones in the back of the book and fixed the two I had wrong before looking again to see that I still had another twenty five minutes. One of my other nemeses was sitting behind me and started giving me crap.

"Jeff, leave me alone okay?" I said. He was a jerk, and a wannabe cool kid. While he was a rung higher on the ladder than I was, he wasn't much higher. The main reason he wasn't much higher was because he was a big fat oaf to… to put it nicely…

"Why? Ralphy, what are you going to do about it? Cry? You're just a wimp!"

"Just knock it off!"

"And what if I don't?" He asked. I'd had enough today, he was going to get it.

I stood up and reached down and grabbed the hair on the top his head and yanked as hard as I could.

"OWWWW!!! Stop that!" He cried. The other kids nearby were watching and all amazed that I was actually successfully taking on one of my antagonists.

"Not before you promise me you'll stop picking on me!" I suggested to him.

"Alright, I'll stop!" He fairly cried.

I turned around in my desk expecting to be getting sent to the office by my teacher, but Mr. Martin just turned around at that moment and looked at me. He gave me a wink and turned his attention to something on his desk. I couldn't believe it. I actually accomplished something and got away with it! That never happened to me.

Once the bell rang I grabbed my saxophone from the band room and ran to the bus as quickly as I could. When I got on the bus I heard kids talking about my 'fight' with Jeff. It certainly seemed to have earned me a bit of respect. I still got called Ralphy as I got on the bus though, so I knew it wasn't enough
to get away from the new nickname. But progress is progress right?

I shouldn't have thought I got away so cleanly for the day though. As I was getting off the bus I saw Matt was behind me. How did he get on my bus? He doesn't even ride this bus I thought!

I tried to hurry across the street and get down the block to my house but he caught me just after crossing the street. "Hey Brandon hold up! I still owe you for what you did to me earlier!" He said while he grabbed at my backpack.

I couldn't go anywhere at that point so I turned around. "What did I do to you?!? If I remember correctly you were the one picking on me!"

"Ooh we're talking back now that we fought like a girl to beat up Jeff, huh?" He said pushing me backwards. I stumbled but managed to stay on my feet. I was frantically trying to think of a way to get away from him.

"No, I'm just sick of your shit is all." I replied. I slowly walked backward to a yard that had some rocks in it.

"Ooh you think you're all big now cussing at me? Well let's get this over with runt. Because of you I was in ISS today, and I'll be there tomorrow and Monday!" And with that he started to rush towards me. I decided I had only one chance, to use his movement against him.

If I could trip him he would fall the opposite direction from my house. The time he spent on the ground might give me enough of a head start to make it home… Everything slowed down, and I did a move that I used a lot in soccer to fake out my opponents. I leaned in the opposite direction than I was going and he fell for it. I then stuck out my leg and he bowled over tumbling head over heels two times.

Of course, I didn't see that part because I was already running as fast as I could for home. I got my key out of my pocket in the hope I could make it there, unlock the door, and lock it before he got there. I needn't have worried that much because when I got to my door I saw he was nowhere near me. That kind of puzzled me for a moment; I figured he would be right on my heels. Still I decided not to chance it and locked the door quickly behind me.

I collapsed, crying on my bed, why did every day of my life have to be a living nightmare?
 
 
Chapter 2
 
 
I WOKE UP to see my mom standing in the doorway. She could clearly tell that I had been crying again. I was sure that she had heard about what had happened that morning by the look of concern on her face. She saw that I was waking up, so she came over to my bed and gave me a hug.

"Sweetie, what happened?" Part of me hated it when she called me that, but part of me liked it for some reason.

I related to her all of the bullying crap that had happened to me that day. When I told her about what happened with Matt after school. She immediately got on the phone and called her boss to find out why that kid had been allowed on my bus - he said he would look into it. After a quick and silent dinner, I put on my clothes for soccer practice.

Soccer was the only sport I really liked to play. In all honesty it was the only one I had even a modest amount of skill in. I couldn't catch or throw to save my life, so the other normal sports of baseball and football were definitely out. On my soccer team I was a defensive sweeper. Even though I was so small, most of the time I managed to get the ball away from my opponent's team, and pass it to the offensive players on my team. Our team goal for that year was to make it into the city championships.

The team was coed, and I said, 'hi,' to all of my friends as I got there. The nice thing about my soccer team was that they were all the same age as me, meaning that I was the only one in the sixth grade; the rest were in fifth grade. I'd been playing with the same teammates for four years now, and we all pretty much got along. We benefited from having an awesome coach that understood that sports should be fun. Yes hard work was involved, but there was the human aspect to it that so many coaches didn't have. He understood that we were just kids.

We went through a lot of drills that night using cones and having other people try and get past with the balls, as well as some goal shooting against our goalie. Practice ended with a short scrimmage, our team divided into two. By the time practice ended I was thoroughly exhausted. I came home and sat down at the kitchen table with a bottle of Gatorade. My parents sat on either side of me while the TV was on in the background.

"Ooh I almost forgot!" I exclaimed and ran to get my backpack and pulled out the brochure and letter about the trip.

"Ms. Fitzgerald came up from the elementary school to give this to us today!" I showed my mom and dad the packet that Ms. Fitz had given us that afternoon. "I'd get to go to Florida and see Kennedy Space Center! They even take us to Space Camp!" I said excitedly. It had been a dream of mine to go to Space Camp ever since I watched the movie by the same title.

My dad looked at it and said, "I don't know, it's not cheap."

My mom looked at him and said, "Well I don't know that he would ever have this chance again though. This is really a once in a lifetime chance to do all of this."

My dad looked at us and said, "Okay we can look into it, I'm not saying yes until I can spend some time thinking about it first."

I hugged him and sat back down; knowing to push it any further at this point would be a good way to get a no. "So what's this I hear about you fighting today?" My dad asked.

"Umm… it wasn't really fighting…" I continued to relate the events of the day, though not as thoroughly as with Mom. I didn't talk to him as much about stuff. In all honesty he was at his job's beck and call twenty-four hours a day most of the time, which meant I didn't see him nearly enough.

After I finished relating the story he looked at me and said, "Maybe I should find this Matt kid and teach him some manners." Flexing his muscles…

I had little doubt that he would think about doing that, but Mom and I said, "That's a bad idea, then you would just get in trouble."

"Well, let me know if you have any more trouble with him and we'll deal with it." Just at that moment the phone rang and Mom picked it up.

"Brandon it's for you!" Covering the microphone she whispered to me, "It's a girl!"

I blushed and took it in the other room away from prying ears. Who would be calling me?

"Hello?"

"Hey Brandon? This is Amy." Amy was calling me? My heart just about stopped.

"Hi," I somehow kept from stammering.

"Hey I heard something and wanted to make sure you were okay. Someone said that Matt got on your bus and tried to jump you today. Are you okay?" She asked, very concerned.

"Yeah, I managed to trip him and get away, then I ran home as quickly as I could." I paused for a second before asking, "How did you hear about it?"

"Well, Halley called Lindsey, and Lindsey called me, and told me that Matt tried to beat you up after school, but he was the one that got beat up."

"HUH??" I asked.

"Apparently when you tripped him he went head over heels and hit his face against the concrete. The rumor going around is that he broke his nose!" She said giggling.

"No way… Great, now he'll really be after me." I said.

"Actually, I have a feeling you'll be alright for a while, apparently the police came by just before you ran off and saw him attempt to attack you. They were the ones that took him to the Emergency Room."

"I can't believe that they didn't come down and talk to me." I said.

"Well Halley's dad, he's a cop, said that they're going to come by the school tomorrow and talk to you to see if you want to press charges. They watched the whole thing go down, seeing him clearly attack you. This could mean we could finally be rid of him!" She said.

"Wow, I don't know what to say. I'm still scared he's going to try and get even. So this is all over school already?" I asked.

"Yeah, the fact that you 'beat up' Jeff and Matt in the same day is making waves around the phones today."

I smiled, "Well neither is true, but maybe people will back off for a while." I paused and then decided to see if she would talk about anything else, "So what are you up to besides checking on me?"

We struck up a conversation and talked for fifteen minutes before her mom started nagging her to get off the phone. "Brandon I'll see you tomorrow okay?"

"Okay, talk to you later!" I hung up the phone, happier than I had been in years. I told Mom and dad about what I heard and they both decided that meeting the principals tomorrow would be a good idea. I went to bed dreaming that maybe the next day would be better.
 
 
THAT NEXT DAY was Friday, so much for TGIF? When I got to school kids were whispering behind my back like I was some sort of alien that inhabited Brandon's body.

From the time I arrived through my first hour class, nothing happened. No one called me names, shoved me in the hallway, or picked on me at all. During second period I got called to come down to the office. I found my parents waiting in the chairs there. We went in together to talk to the Principal, Mrs. Hinther. During our meeting my dad made clear, in no uncertain terms, that Matt was to be nowhere near me ever again in this school. He added that if this stuff didn't stop they would be hiring an attorney to sue the district for not doing its' job of protecting students.

My parents both ranted at her for a long while. She seemed to turn white as a ghost at times with my parents' discussion of legal action. During our meeting she also asked me a series of questions trying to find out exactly what had happened. She seemed to be carefully wording them so as not to upset my parents anymore than they already were. After all of this she assured my parents that though she could not talk about another student's disciplinary action, she would make sure we didn't come in contact at all. She switched his schedule completely around, dropping him from band as well as a couple other classes I had with him.

At that point in the meeting she called the school resource officer in and he took a statement from me. My parents also filled out the forms to file charges against him. He said it should be a pretty clear cut case since the officers' had filed their own reports of what they had observed. The officers' statements lined up with my statement perfectly.

We finished up during third hour, and I returned to choir right after the meeting let out. Before I left to go to class though Mom let me know that she had found out from the bus yard boss that Matt would not be allowed on the buses for the remainder of the school year. Mom also let my driver have a piece of her mind that morning… Crossing an only child's parents is tantamount to messing with a grizzly bear with cubs!

When I got to choir I stood by Amy who asked what had happened. I told her everything in a low whisper before class started.

About the time I finished telling Amy what happened, Pete asked, "So is it true Brandon? Did you really beat up Matt?"

"Well, I tripped him and he went flying if that's what you mean?" The kids were all very impressed with this. But I knew it wasn't going to solve my problems. I knew for a fact that Lucas was already talking a lot of threats towards me to retaliate. Matt had been removed from school pending expulsion hearings, and because of that Lucas had become the leader by natural selection. Still…

Mrs. Schultz interrupted our conversation and said, "Okay we need to get started."

We sang and worked on a piece for about ten minutes before she got mad about something and stormed into her office crying.

I whispered to Amy, "I feel bad for her, but I have to say I'm glad to see there's one other person at this school that gets picked on more than I do!" She snickered. We both agreed she was a terrible teacher. That was something we'd talked about the night before.

Amy and I talked to each other back and forth for the rest of the period before the bell rang and we went to lunch. Lucas came up to the line behind us and asked, "Amy why are you hanging out with this loser?"

"I don't know which loser you're referring to. The only one I see at the moment is you." She replied nonchalantly.

He started to open his mouth to reply but stopped as a teacher came over and said, "Lucas I don't believe you were in that spot there… Why don't you go back to the end?"

Lucas tried arguing with the teacher but gave way eventually. I got my food and went to the table farthest away from anyone again. As I set my food down though, I saw Amy coming towards me, along with some of her friends. "Brandon may we sit with you?"

"Sure." I said… I wasn't really sure what to do. This was strange. We sat and talked all through lunch - eventually moving outside and sitting together on the grass. I decided to go get something to drink from the snack bar and started walking back inside. On my way in there I ran into Matt's girlfriend, Liza.

"Brandon why are you sticking your chest out like that? What? Are you trying to look like a girl? I guess that makes sense, that's how you fight, cry, and act."

I was dumbstruck, my day had been going so well. I managed to get inside to the bathroom before breaking down for a few minutes. I came out and found Amy waiting by the door.

"Brandon, are you all right?"

"Yeah, I guess. I'm just tired of getting crap all the time. I was hoping it would get better today. I guess I should have known better." I said while looking down at my feet.

"Brandon, look, you're an awesome guy, and I'm really proud to have you as my friend. Can you trust me on something?"

I thought for a second then nodded, "I guess."

"You are so much cooler than they are that it's sickening. You're also the sweetest guy I know. You've put up with so much crap, and I'm sorry it keeps happening. But know that I'll be here for you okay?"

"Thanks," I said meekly.

"Now I'm guessing you want to get that drink before the snack bar closes?" She asked.

"Sure," I said and then got into line. Once we had gotten my drink she walked back outside with me. From that point forward in the year it was an odd time to see one of us without the other at lunch.

I was fortunate enough to somehow make it through the rest of the day without anything else happening. Lucas didn't even ride the bus for some reason that day! That meant I didn't have to worry about anything that day at the bus stop. What a week!
 
 
WHEN I got home I went inside and sat down in front of the computer. I got on the internet and just started looking around. I saw there was a really cool new video game coming out next month, and I knew I would have to ask for it for Christmas. I got bored and decided to go and play with some toys. Yes I know I was in sixth grade, but really who doesn't still want to play with Legos!?

I sat down building something or another and thought about what had happened that day. Liza's words were still ringing in my ears for some reason. I kept running her exclamation through my brain again and again, "Brandon why are you sticking your chest out like that? What? Are you trying to look like a girl?"

I had read a Star Wars book a couple weeks before that the author had written something like, "if someone calls you a Hutt once, ignore them. If someone calls you a Hutt twice start to wonder, and if someone calls you a Hutt a third time, buy a drool bucket and start stockpiling spice."

Her comment was making me wonder. I had been getting called a girl so often, and now that statement… To be honest I had for many years fantasized about being a little kid again. Even all the way back to being a baby again, because those were the last times I remembered really being happy. I'd been picked on for so long - I was tired of it! Perhaps if I'd been a girl…?

Really… perhaps if I'd been born a girl, life would have been better. I got it into my head that girls aren't constantly beating up each other; they're not constantly picking on one girl. I got up from my toys and went to the bathroom. As I stood washing my hands I looked at myself in the mirror. I stared for several minutes.

What would I look like if I was a girl? I looked at my body and noted that I was small enough that if I had longer hair maybe I could get away with looking like one. Nah it was no use… Even though I was probably the most clueless person on sex, I still knew that my parts didn't look like a girls'…

I kept thinking about it. Hair might be the key to me looking more like a girl. About that time I heard Mom come in and she asked me how my day went. I told her everything but Liza's comment. I wanted to think about her statement without having any one getting in the way of my thinking. I didn't have soccer practice that night, so we rented some movies.

She had rented some 'chick flick,' and I rented a kids movie. I grumbled at watching the sappy movie, but honestly I enjoyed it more… That disturbed me slightly and added to my uneasiness.

When the movie was over Mom announced that it was time to take my bath, since I had a soccer game tomorrow. I sat down in the bath and thought more about the idea of being a girl instead of a boy. On one hand I thought kids would probably make fun of me a lot for trying to be a girl… but really how much more could I get picked on?

Mom and dad were already talking about taking me out of school and home schooling me or something. If it wasn't for band I was sure they would have pulled me out this week. I had already thought about using that argument to get them to buy me a clarinet. At the beginning of the summer I had really wanted to play either flute or clarinet - I had done really well on both of them when I had tried them at the music store. But they had bought me the saxophone hoping that kids would have one less reason to make fun of me.

It honestly didn't matter, as they said 'Damned if you do, damned if you don't.' It was a fact of life, though I did see some light at the end of the tunnel. If people recognized that I wasn't quite helpless after having 'beat up' two guys in one day, maybe I could enjoy some peace. I tossed and turned most of the night, not sleeping real well that night. During the course of that night I dreamed of how great it would be to have long hair like a girl. Even if I couldn't -be- a girl, maybe I could kind of look like one?
 
 
Chapter 3
 
 
THE MORNING came too soon. Mom pretty much had to drag me out of bed and to the sink to brush my teeth. I ate breakfast quickly and then got dressed to go to the soccer game. We got down to the field early and I warmed up with my teammates. Before I knew it we had started the game. I was playing sweeper on our side of the field.

The game went fast and furious, with me getting the ball off our side of the field more often than not. At one point a player ran down the field with the ball and I kicked it hard. The player went one direction (towards the ground,) and the ball went flying to my friend, Brittany, and she went the rest of the way for a goal. The coach gave me a huge pat on the back for that one. Brittany was one of the two girls that were on the team. The other girl's name was Sarah. I had grown up as friends with Brittany since she went to the same church as we did at the time.

I thought to myself, 'I could be the third girl on the team!' That thought only distracted me for a few moments though, as the ball was soon heading back and forth across the field some more. The game ended with us up over the other team seven to one. Following the game we all went out for ice cream to celebrate.
 
 
Mom had come to the game, but dad hadn't… big surprise. He did some work for a friend's company on the side occasionally, and they had called him wanting help again that night. He had been there since midnight, and hadn't gotten home by the time we left at nine. I was beginning to really resent that other job. But I wasn't going to let that get me down today. The next game we were going to play would be for the city tournament. That was going to take place over the next two to three Saturdays, depending on how we played.

The coach told us to make sure we made it to the practices that week, it was important that we all work really hard together. When we left the Dairy Queen where we had gotten ice cream I sat back in the car thinking about all of the things that had happened that week.

At home I decided to play a computer game since dad wasn't there to monopolize it! I had a Star Wars game that I was playing. I loved games based on space or flight in general. I played that for a few hours until dinner, when I decided to go read a book of some sort.

I thought about it for a bit and decided to read one of the Laura Ingalls Wilder books. I found myself thinking not just of growing up then, but growing up as a girl. I found myself thinking more and more that night about being a girl. Truth be told, as I thought about it there had always been a nagging part of my brain that had wanted to be a girl.

There were several opportunities that I had turned down to wear girls clothing… not because I didn't want to, but because I was scared of what people would think. Another night passed of this, and then I went to bed.
 
 
SUNDAY I WOKE up after my parents did. I found I was sleeping later and later these days, something my parents were frequently making comments about. They told me that they didn't know how I could possibly sleep that long! Mom made me some French Toast that I ate while looking at the comics. She left the room to go do something and dad was gone to Wal-Mart.

It was then that I caught sight of the ad from JC Penney. It had girls' clothes on the front of it. I looked at the ad with the girls in their clothes and thought about how great it would be to wear those form fitting shirts. They looked neat. They looked a lot cooler than what I was wearing. I flipped the pages and for the first time looked at the pages with bras and panties. I thought that would be strange to wear, but kind of wanted to try it.

I turned to the Wal-Mart ad and looked at some of the toys that were for girls to play. The dolls seemed kind of foreign to me, but at the same time I could still see playing with them. They even had some Legos in there for girls. More and more I was getting curious, but I knew there was no way I could talk about this with anyone. I would get yelled at… and who knows what else. Dad had always talked about homosexuals with utter hate. What would he think about his son wanting to be a girl?

I decided that I did want to check and see if there were any internet sites that discussed this online. But I would have to wait until after school tomorrow when mom and dad were still at work. They said there was an internet site for everything! Perhaps I could learn if there were any other boys that wanted to be girls.

In the meantime I had some practicing to catch up on, I hadn't been practicing nearly as much the past couple days. I worked out of my method book and music for saxophone for two hours that day, using that as a distraction so I didn't have to think about my problems. I also did that dreaded thing called homework - my science teacher had given us even more vocabulary to copy into our notebooks… I was still mad that he gave me a C!
 
 
THE NEXT DAY was actually fairly uneventful. I hung out with Amy at lunch time, as well as her other friends. I definitely felt like we were becoming close friends, but was starting to wonder if that would mean we would be boyfriend/girlfriend. I honestly wasn't interested in that right then. I needed a friend far more.

I had gone home that day and started looking up my situation on the internet. To my surprise, I quickly discovered there were a lot of others out there like me. I also discovered there was a name for boys like me, transgender. I looked through the sites and couldn't decide if I really qualified for that statement or not. I also found a number of stories that I enjoyed of boys being turned into girls by their mothers for various reasons.

Many of the stories involved boys in similar situations that became more accepted when they became girls. I didn't know what to think about it, since I felt it was probably wrong to feel this way. My Christian upbringing just didn't really allow for me to feel completely at ease with these thoughts. That still didn't stop me from daydreaming and watching the girls more and more to figure out what it would be like though! I also discovered that it was possible, by surgery and hormones, to make yourself look like you had been born a girl.

I had a dream that night that I had several times recently. It just kept rolling over in my head over and over again. It was based on a time when I was about five at my cousin's house.

We pulled up into their driveway and walked into their house. I saw my aunt sitting at the kitchen table. "Where are Abby and Annie?" I asked.

"They're outside swimming in the swimming pool." I looked outside and saw they had a three foot pool set up outside on the lawn.

"Mommy can I go swimming?" I asked.

"Sweetie, we didn't bring your swimsuit, so I'm sorry you won't be able to go."

"But Mommy, I really want to go! Can we go buy a swimsuit?"

"No honey, we don't have any extra money, and I'm sure they'll be done swimming by the time that we got back. Why don't you go watch TV for now?"

"But Mommy!" I started to throw a fit.

"Mandy, he could borrow one I guess."

"Really?" I stopped sobbing a little.

"He could probably borrow one of Annie's swimsuits." My aunt suggested.

"But that's a girl's suit…" I said. "Do you have anything else?"

"Well Uncle Bill's got the only other thing big enough and his is going to be too big for you."

I stood still for a few moments thinking about it. "Okay, can I borrow one of Annie's?" I looked up at Mom to see if she would be okay with it. She shrugged her shoulders and nodded. It had after all ended my tantrum.

"Well, let's go up and see if one of them will fit you."

We walked back to her bedroom and looked in her dresser. She held up a pink swimming suit with purple polka dots on it. When she held it next to me she said, "It looks like it'll fit, do you want to try it on?"

I nodded timidly. She told me how to step into it and pull the straps up. She led me to the bathroom where I pulled off all of my clothes and put it on. I liked the way it fit. I had a type of haircut that was a unisex cut. It was a little short for a girl, but there were many girls with this style too. I could see that I kind of looked like a girl in the mirror.

I went down the hall and my mom and aunt saw me. They gave me a hard time about looking 'cute' and 'pretty' before telling me to go ahead outside. Annie and Abby kind of gave me a funny look, but Annie said, 'you stole my suit!" smiling while she said it. "You look pretty in it."

We were playing in the pool….

I never got any farther than that since Mom woke me up. It was the first of many dreams that I was wearing girls clothing. I also based a lot of my daydreams off of this, since it was really close to what had really happened. My aunt really had offered to let me wear my girl cousin's swimming suit… but I had been too scared and hung up about it, so I had ended up going in my jean shorts instead. It became a really happy dream to think of during the day though!

As the week progressed the meeting about the Florida Experience trip came up quickly. My mom decided to go check out the meeting and dragged my dad along. They came out of the meeting telling me that they wanted to do it, but my dad just had to crunch some more numbers.

That weekend they called me into the kitchen and told me to pull up a chair. Dad said, "Okay Brandon, we think we can do this trip, but we have a few ground rules that we need to set down first."

"YES!!!" I exclaimed loudly. I was really excited! "Okay, what are your rules?" I asked calming down a little.

Mom answered first, "Well first of all we're both going to go on the trip with you." I stared at her for a second half wondering if I should be upset… but I decided it would make life better because I wouldn't have to worry so much about something bad happening.

"Okay. What else?" I asked

Dad answered this time, "You have to fundraise as much as you can. In all honesty this is going to push us to the breaking point this year. But we've decided that this is an opportunity that won't come up again. If you promise that you'll do your best to fundraise we'll go ahead and pay the deposit to Ms. Fitzgerald on Monday."

"Okay, I'll do whatever fundraising I have to do. If I have to go up and down every street in town I'll do it! You guys are awesome!" They both smiled as I gave them both hugs and when I left started dreaming about what it would be like to go to all of those places.

When I went to bed I also began thinking of how wonderful it would be to go on the trip as a girl instead of a guy…
 
 
Two Weeks Later

IT WAS SATURDAY, we had just gotten done with our second set of city tournament games. We had learned just twp hours ago that we were going to be playing two final games next Saturday. If we won the first we would go to the final match for the championship. If we lost that one, we would play a consolation game for third place.

On our way home from the game Mom said, "Brandon, your hair's getting pretty long. We're going to need to cut it when we get home unless you want to start doing something different with it."

"What else could I do with it Mom?"

"Well I suppose you could grow it out to the bowl cut that everyone has now."

"Okay, that sounds good. Let's do that." Mom kind of gave me a strange look, I hadn't wanted to do anything else with my hair for the past two years. To her this seemed like a sudden change. I thought that maybe I could use the bowl cut for a first step on my new goal of growing it down to my shoulders.
 
 
A few minutes later I decided that I would take this one step at a time. I figured that by the time I got to December it should be at about five inches long - almost longer than the "bowl cut" Mom had suggested. When she asked about cutting it then I would say I just wanted it trimmed! And get them to let me grow it the rest of the way out.

I had begun looking for guys in the media and in movies with long hair so that I could emulate them. Or at least say that I was! It had been really nice during the past two weeks because I was getting picked on less and less by the other kids. I figured it had to do with my run-ins with Matt and Jeff. The comments
hadn't completely stopped, but no one was getting physically violent with me anymore. I think they all believed deep down that I was still a wimp, but they were all nervous about pushing it.

More than anything else - damage or not, the loss of face to those two made people not want to try me. That gave me the courage I needed to go ahead and grow my hair out.

Over the past two weeks I had also continued hanging out with Amy at school at every chance I got. We talked and both agreed we were just friends, not wanting to date each other. She became my first girl 'girlfriend.'

The next weekend my team won the city championship soccer tournament! It was really cool, they gave us medals and everything! We had a big party at the coach's house to celebrate the week after that. Our team had even ended up with our team photo in the town's newspaper. It was by far the coolest thing to ever happen to me.

By December Mom had to trim the front of my hair to keep it from getting in my eyes. I loved the fact that I basically had bangs now if I combed my hair forward. It had gotten to the point where it was seven inches long. Definitely longer than the bowl cut I'd told my mom I wanted to have. It was beginning to come down my neck, I was guessing it would be at least shoulder length by the time we went on the trip.

I was still trying to decide how to justify getting it longer to my parents when I got a great excuse in the form a Christian rock band I listened to. Two of the guys in the group had their hair all the way down to their back. I started pointing out to my mom and dad how cool it would be to play in a group like that. I used that as the excuse to keep growing my hair out - and my parents reluctantly bought into it. I still got a little grief from them about it from time to time, but things were generally going pretty well on that fight.

My first act of my attempt to at least look a bit more like a girl was going according to plan.

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To Be Continued...

 
Synopsis

Brandon is a bright boy growing up near Albuquerque, New Mexico. He likes school, soccer, computer games, and playing in the school band. Small for his age and youngest in his class, his size has made him the target of every school bully for years. Each year the verbal and physical abuse increases, finally wearing him down to the point he doesn't know if he can continue. Just as he reaches the end of his rope, he is suddenly befriended by a classmate he least expected. As their friendship grows and deepens, Brandon learns the value of a best friend and finds himself moving down a road he never expected. Over the course of the school year, his friend helps him discover and cope with his feelings, hopes, dreams - and fears.

This is the story of a young person's unusual journey to stand up to the numerous obstacles that life has dealt him - and to become the person he believes himself to be. (Part 2 of 6)

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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

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The Legal Stuff: Standing Up to Life  © 2008 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2008 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
 
I began this trilogy of novels last year, first publishing this book at FictionMania and Story Site in March last year. Setting out to tell a story I felt I needed to tell, I was pleased that the readers of both sites seemed to enjoy the work. A couple months after I initially posted this book at FictionMania I met a dear friend Carla Ann who offered her services as an editor. With her help I began to go back and proof this book a few months ago for publishing at Lulu.com. More than anything I liked the idea of having a hardback edition of the book for myself, but I felt that perhaps others might enjoy a copy as well.

With that information in mind I am posting a standard copy of this here at BigCloset, and announcing that I have three versions available for purchasing through My Store (www.lulu.com/tiffanyshar) at Lulu.com. There are 6x9 hardback editions and paperback editions, as well as a high quality pdf version available for download. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it from my store. I hope to have it available through Amazon.com in a couple months as well, and will offer to have Erin sell it through her Amazon page at that time.

Thank you to all of you, my amazing readers, who have enjoyed this work in the past. You will discover that this new version is much more refined than what I initially posted a year ago. I hope you all enjoy this and my other novels. I hope to have the second book, Daring to Hope, also available in this form by mid-March, and the third book will hopefully be available this summer! I will make future announcements about Book Three through my Lulu storefront as well.

I will be posting this in six segments during this week. Please enjoy, and thanks for reading!

     -Tiffany Shar

---

 
 

 
 
Chapter 4
 
 
IT HAD BEEN an interesting few months since September. I had basically two camps of people that I dealt with on a daily basis, the girls and the guys. Wonder that. The guys began razzing me pretty hard about the length of my hair. One such incident happened the day before spring break.

"Ralphy," Lucas had cornered me, "I used to call you a girl because you were such a wimp. Now I'm sure that you must be one - or want to be with your hair like that!" I attempted to get by him to go to Biology, but he blocked the way.

"Go away Lucas, I don't have time for your crap." I said as I tried getting by him again.

"Or what, the little girlie will start crying to her mommy? Or you'll fight me like the girl that you are? I'm real scared." He said this as I once again tried pushing past him.

"You know, even if I was really a girl, I know that I could take care of you just as easily as your pal Matt." He was obviously taken aback that I was speaking up to him like this. The incident with Matt seemed to bring a spark of uncertainty to his eyes. "Now, you can either move out of my way, or try to beat me up. I'm not going to take any more of your pathetic trash talk." Yeah, I'd grown up a bit since September… Now if only he would move out of my way…

"Well, Ralphy, I guess I'll let you go for now, but you watch out." He said this as he turned around and started to walk away. I noticed that part of the reason for his retreat was the principal coming towards us. Oh well, if nothing else I didn't get beat up, that was a start right?

I walked up the staircase to class. I got in there a minute early and started talking to Amy.

"Brandon, I can't believe it, I think Lucas was actually afraid of you!" Amy said.

I forced myself to chuckle, "Yeah, boy I'm glad he doesn't realize nothing has changed! I'm still just as short as I was at the beginning of the year,and I've lost weight even… I'm even less of a threat now than I was then!"

She laughed a bit too. "Hey, what are you doing over the break?" She asked.

"Well we're going to stay at home. My parents can't really afford to go anywhere since we're going on the trip this summer. You?" I asked, knowing that money would definitely not keep her from going anywhere. Her mom was a doctor and her dad was a lawyer. There was certainly no lack of money at her
house.

"Mom and Dad have to work next week, so I'm stuck at home." She paused for a second as if pondering something. "Hey! Would you like to come hang out at my house on Monday?"

I didn't know what to say. I hadn't been invited over to anyone's house in a long time, let alone a girl's house. What would we do? What would the other kids say? I spoke without thinking any further though, "Sure! Where is your house?"

"It's down…" It turns out she only lived three blocks away in a nicer section of houses behind our house. She wrote down directions during class, and wrote a time of noon down.

"Amy, thanks for being such a great friend! I'm really excited about coming over." I somehow kept from squealing with the glee that I felt.

We walked down the hall and the stairs together before splitting off to our separate classes. I couldn't believe it, she was a real friend that was really inviting me to come over to her house to hang out! Over the past few months we had reaffirmed to each other that neither of us wanted to date the other, but were just good friends. Still, this was the first time that we were going to have seen each other outside of school.

I had been quiet the past few months to most people in my classes. That was the main reason why I think the bullies had been giving me a wider berth. My novelty as a target had worn off. My hair had also given me a bit of a status bump as well. It was almost down past the bottom of my neck now, and a lot of the girls had decided I looked like a rock star.

I didn't know if that was really the case or not, but what I did know was that it was becoming harder to comb in the morning. Mom had said something about taking me to go look for some hair stuff today when she got home. I didn't know what she meant, but I hoped it would be something else that would get me closer to my real goal of becoming more like a girl.

This was all running through my head when I walked into Social Studies. The class was normally a waste of time, but with everyone being excited about getting off for break it was even more pointless. We got through the class after having to do a crossword puzzle while yet another episode of America's Funniest Home Videos played.

Leaving there I went over to the band hall for band practice. Mrs. Remar made us practice up till the last minute of the period. She was getting us ready to go to contest next month; something that sounded both cool and scary at the same time. I had maintained my first chair status, and with some lessons I was taking, had gotten through the entire book that the second year students were learning out of. Band had become a place where I could really focus my talents and energy - and I was putting tons of work into it.

But that day I went through the period thoroughly distracted, thinking of going over to Amy's house, not really paying attention to my music. Thankfully I had practiced enough that I was still getting my parts right. At the end of class I put my saxophone away and hurried to choir. Mrs. Schultz knew that she had no control over her classes, so she chose to show a movie that day to avoid the fight. I was honestly grateful; when she was getting hammered by the kids it was stressful for all of us! That took me to lunch.

Amy and I sat with her friends talking at lunch, in what had become a normal routine for us. One of our friends, Ashley, asked me. "So Brandon, how long are you going to grow your hair out?"

I shrugged my shoulders, "I don't know, I'm kind of thinking I'll let it get to here," I said while motioning the just below my shoulders. "It's not as long as I want it yet, so we'll see."

"I think it would be awesome if you grew it out that long. You look cute with long hair. Much better than that spike you'd worn since forever." Nikki chuckled.

I turned bright red and the girls all giggled. "Thanks, I think." I replied.

They started talking about their favorite movies for the rest of lunch. Mentioning how cute this actor or that actor was… I just kind of sat there and took in what they were talking about. Lunch seemed to fly by that day, but everything else seemed to drag on forever! It seemed like three days had passed between lunch and the final bell rang to end school.

After school I picked up my saxophone from the band hall and hurried to the bus. I was truly ecstatic that the break was finally here! Especially now that I had Monday to look forward to! I had Amy's directions in my pocket and nothing could stop me from having a good day going home. Not even some snide comments from Lucas talking about the girl named Ralphy on the way home.

Once I crossed the major street that ran between my block and the bus stop I started skipping for some reason. I didn't even notice it until I got halfway home. I turned around hoping no one had been watching. Thankfully, no one had. I got home and threw my backpack and jacket by the door, got some water, and sat down at the computer.

I had found a new website yesterday that talked about ways of hiding the fact that I was a boy. From what I had read, it was possible to keep my body from becoming more masculine if I started on female hormones in the next couple years. I didn't know if it was possible or not, but my goal was to somehow let my parents know my thoughts and get them on my side by the time I turned thirteen… That was the brick wall I was afraid to hit.

Mrs. Schultz had given me a miserable thought the day before when she said that very frequently boys with high voices end up with really low ones once puberty sets in… She of course had been trying to make me feel better, but only succeeded in making me scared of the future. I was terrified that would happen to me if I waited too long beyond that age to take care of things. Of course I was even more mortified of telling my parents about this.

Since September I had begun to do a lot of little things different. For one, I had stopped drinking coke every day. Before I made this decision I had been drinking at least four cokes after school every day, plus a coke at lunch, and I was afraid I was going to get fat. This bothered me because that would keep me from being able to ever have a chance of looking like a cute girl. My mother was not exactly the skinniest individual and I didn't want to be heavy like her (she wasn't really fat… but she wasn't skinny).

That brings me to something that had been a huge nuisance for me. On the internet I read story after story about boys being able to try on their mother's clothes. I wish I had their mothers; I didn't even bother trying because I knew everything would be way too big. Since I didn't have a sister either, there was no chance for me to act out on my desire to dress as a girl. It was truly driving me insane.

I started a little when I heard a car door slam outside, and instantly began closing the window that I had open. I also quickly cleaned out any trace of the sites I had gone to. We only had one computer and it was in the family room - so I had to be careful not to let my parents figure out what I was looking at online. I had little doubt there would have been huge consequences imposed on me if they did.

As Mom came in the door she asked, "Brandon, are you ready to go?"

I had almost forgotten that she wanted to go shopping for some stuff for my hair! "Umm… sure, let me get my shoes on."

"Take your time, I need to go to the bathroom before we leave," she answered.

I quickly ran to put my shoes on and then we left to go to the store. I wasn't exactly sure which store though. "Mom, where are we going anyway?"

"We're going to Wal-Mart."

"And what exactly are we getting?" I asked tentatively.

"Well, since you insist on growing your hair out, we need to get a few things for you to take better care of your hair. Up till a couple months ago, you could just use your shampoo, a comb, and some hairspray and it worked. Now that it's longer you're going to need to do a lot more to keep it looking nice."
 
 
I sat their dumbstruck, was this really happening? Maybe she'd buy me my own hair brush today! Who knows what else? We got to the busy parking lot and went inside. I suddenly was a little self-conscious as we went into an aisle of the store that I couldn't truly feel comfortable as a guy.

"Well first thing we need to do is get you a hair brush, which one do you want." She pointed to three of them, one black, one purple, and one in a teal-blue.

I actually had a number of things that were purple, including a jacket that I was wearing, and decided I wanted the purple one. "That one." She kind of looked at me strange but went with it, putting it in the cart. She also grabbed a small collapsible one that came in black and put it in the cart.

"You should have one in your backpack just in case you need to brush it elsewhere."

I smiled and said, "That's a good idea." I looked around at the rubber bands and other hair ties that were in the area. I saw a lot of Scrunchies, one of the new hot things all the girls had and wished I could get one.

I had already decided though that I was not going to suggest anything to buy. I was feigning absolute ignorance on all of the things we were looking at (even though I really had already tried to learn as much about it as I possibly could!). I didn't want to tip my parents off to anything - I was afraid the first thing they would do was make me shave my head… In the meantime I saw she had added a pick type comb to the cart. I let Mom lead me to the next aisle she thought we needed to go down. I was really disappointed that she hadn't brought up rubber bands at least… We moved onto the next aisle that had shampoos and such.

"Well let's see. We need to get you a shampoo and conditioner set now. Why don't we go with this brand, which scent do you want?" She asked while pointing to a brand that had like ten different scents.

I really wanted to say strawberry, as it was my favorite flavor/fruit, but I was afraid that would give away too much. I settled on something I thought a boy or a girl could go with: "How about the coconut scent?" I asked.

"Okay, that'll work." She said while putting it in the cart. She then looked at the shelf and saw there was a matching hair spray for that brand and grabbed it.

"Don't I already have hair spray at home?" I asked.

"You do, but I think this stuff will work a bit better. And it's also a match to the shampoo and conditioner, so it should work better." She replied, matter-of-factly.

She then walked down to another aisle where there were hair dryers. She looked at several hand blow dryers before settling on one. As she put it in the cart she said, "Your hair is going to take longer and longer to dry on its own, so it's a good idea for us to be able to speed that process up.

She started to go towards the front and asked me, "You are going to keep growing your hair out right?"

"Yes," I replied.

"Because if I buy all of this stuff for you, you can't decide immediately to just shave it back down again." She told me. It was then that I became aware of the there was a higher cost associated with this new hairstyle.

"I'm going to stay with this for a while," I replied.

"Good." She paused, then smiled and added, "Because I think you look good with longer hair." That was the first comment I had gotten from my parents one way or another as to my new style. I was shocked to say the least, and I was using every bit of self-control not to jump up and down, while grinning out of control!

We left the Wal-Mart after paying for the supplies. On our way home I remembered Amy's invitation.

"Oh! Guess what!" I said. "Amy asked me to come over to her house on Monday!" I was excited and knew that she could see it in my face.

"Cool. So are you two going out?" Mom asked me, kind of teasingly, but genuinely wanting to know.

"No, we're just good friends. But isn't that cool? I haven't hung out with a friend from school in… I don't know how long… It's going to be great!" Mom started making more inquiries about Amy and my friendship. Apparently she hadn't realized how close of friends we had become at school.

When we got home she looked at the map that Amy had drawn for her house and said, "She lives in a nice house over there." Mom had met her mom a few times, mainly dealing with her in relation to the trip. Her parents were also going to go along on the trip as sponsors.

"Brandon, put this collapsible brush in your backpack right now before we forget. Then meet me in the bathroom." She said.

"Okay," I replied smiling. I didn't know why I was smiling, but I just was!

I did as she asked and went to the bathroom. She held the purple brush in her hand. "With your hair getting longer you're going to need to brush it out several times a day to keep it from getting ratty. Turn around." She pushed my shoulders to where I could see what she was doing in the mirror while she was behind me. She spent the better part of five minutes telling me how to brush my hair right.

"I'm also going to suggest that you start showering instead of taking a bath." I must have looked heartbroken, I loved taking baths. "You can still take them occasionally, but it'll be a lot easier to wash the shampoo and conditioner out of your hair this way."

"Okay, I guess I can do that then." I answered, a little mollified.
 
 
She then went on to tell me that she wanted me to take a shower after dinner using the new shampoo and conditioner, and then she was going to show me how to blow dry my hair. She was very specific on timing of the conditioner and stuff. I acted like I really didn't want to do all this stuff, but inside I was jumping up and down screaming, 'YES! YES! YES! YES!!!!!!!'

We went out for dinner that night to a Mexican place. I loved spicy food, particularly the green chili that we enjoyed in New Mexico, and this restaurant was one of my favorite places to eat. After a good dinner we rented some movies, and then went home. Mom told me to go shower and use the stuff she bought. I was excited!
 
 
I spent more time in the shower on my hair than I ever had before. Now, while my hair had reached what I thought was a magnificent start, ten inches, it wasn't going down to my shoulders yet. I probably spent as much time on it though that night as I would if it had been down to my bum. I got done and got dressed, beginning to brush my hair out and told Mom that I was dressed.

She showed me how to use the blow dryer effectively, and once I was done I noticed my hair seemed to be occupying more space somehow. "Mom, did my hair get bigger somehow?"

"Yes I think it did. That's part of what conditioner will do for you. Also brushing and blow drying it probably poofed it out a bit more too."

I sat down on the couch a few minutes later and we watched a movie till way past my normal bed time - I love spring break! I went to bed dreaming, scheming, and plotting to try and figure out a way to get some scrunchies of my own. I couldn't believe just how great everything had gone that day!
 
 
Chapter 5
 
 
THAT WEEKEND we went over to my grandparent's house for a while. My grandfather gave me a fair amount of heckling over my hair until my grandmother told him to knock it off, because she liked it. I hadn't seen them in about a month, so it was even longer than it had been the last time they'd seen me. I had actually expected more heckling from him, so I was quite pleased that it had ended so abruptly.

With the weekend quickly over, Monday came. I got ready and Mom dropped me off at Amy's house at noon. When Mom had said it was a nice house she wasn't exaggerating. It was a huge two story house with a circular driveway in front of it. I rang the doorbell and stood nervously until she came to the door.

"Hey Brandon, come on in!"

I went into her house and she led me up to her room, which was also huge. It was decorated in a mix of little girl colors and bedding, with pictures of some of the latest cute movie stars up on her walls. "So what do you want to do?" She asked.

I shrugged my shoulders, "I don't know, did you have anything in mind?"

"Well, we could play on my Playstation for a while?" She suggested.

"Sure, that sounds fun." I was willing to go along with almost anything. I wanted her to invite me over again!

We played games on it for a couple hours before we got bored. "Well now what," she asked me.

"I don't know, maybe watch a movie?" I asked.

"Alright, that sounds good." She replied. "What do you want to watch?" She asked me.

"What do you have?" I asked.

"Well… I just got the Lion King yesterday, you want to watch that?" She asked.

"I don't know, is it any good?"

"You mean you haven't seen it yet?!? I can't believe that. Come with me!" She exclaimed as she grabbed my hand and dragged me down to their living room. I was stunned as I saw they had a huge TV that that must have cost a fortune! She led me to the couch and turned on the movie.

"Do you want anything to drink while the previews are going?" She asked.

"Maybe some water please?" I asked. She brought back two glasses of water from the kitchen a few minutes later. And we watched the movie. We actually talked and laughed a fair amount while the movie was playing. And, during the course of the movie I decided I really liked it.

"That was really good. My family doesn't go to the movies so I hadn't seen it yet."

"I love going to the movies, you'll have to go with me the next time something comes out."

"That sounds like fun." I replied.

"By the way, I don't think I told you yet but I like what you did with your hair today. It looks really nice." She told me.

"Thanks. My mom took me to the store and had me pick out some different shampoo, a couple hair brushes, and a blow dryer. I can't believe how different it looks when I take care of it this way."

"You know there are a lot of girls that would kill to have the hair that you have now." She told me.

"Thanks… I think." I said blushing deeply.

"You're welcome. I've been really amazed by how much you've changed this year. I think you're acting a lot more grown up. Everyone has noticed, I think that's why most of the kids have stopped messing with you. Well… that and a bit of fear after Matt's nose." She said laughing and winking at me.
 
 
We talked about just about everything over the next couple hours. The two of us had a lot in common, and we had a chance to bond in those few hours like we had never had before. Her mom came home a little later and said, "How are you doing Brandon?"

"I'm doing well, how are you Mrs. Hancock?" I replied politely.

"Tired. It was a long day. Say, I'm going to order pizza for dinner, do you want to stay and eat with us?" She asked me.

I looked at Amy, she was nodding at me vigorously, so I answered, "Sure, just let me call my mom and let her know that I'm staying for a while longer."
 
 
After I called her I sat down and talked with Amy some more. Her mom joined us a few minutes later and told Amy her dad was on the way home. "Brandon, I like your hair, it looks really nice."

"Thanks." I replied to her. We continued talking for a while and then she told Amy to take me upstairs to wash up. She showed me where her bathroom was, connected to her room (I was so jealous), and we both washed our hands before returning downstairs. Her dad and the pizza arrived at almost the same time.

Dinner with Amy's family was fun. Period. End of story. She had such a neat set of parents, and I had a great time at dinner that night. Her parents definitely seemed to like me. Something that became apparent a few minutes later.

Amy's father asked me, "Brandon do you like to ski?"

"Yeah, the few times I've been able to go I loved it. I just haven't been able to go that many times." I said. I was kind of curious as to why he was asking.

"Well how would you like to go with us this weekend? It'll be our treat."

"Really? Are you sure?"

Her dad nodded, and Amy said, "You have to come! It'll be so much fun!"

"I'd love to, but I'll have to ask my parents first. I don't think they'll say no, but I do have to ask." I said.

"Fantastic." We all talked for a while longer before I decided I should probably go home. Amy went with her mom to drop me off at home. Mrs. Hancock talked to my parents for a few minutes and they said yes to me going with them. My parents offered to pay for my lift ticket and food, but she flatly refused saying, 'it was their treat.' We all thanked her and I said goodnight to Amy as she got in the car.

"Amy thanks for inviting me over, I haven't had this much fun in a long time. Thanks!"

"No problem Brandon, I feel the same way. I'm looking forward to seeing you Friday. Goodnight!"

With that ended one of the best days I had ever had with a friend to that point. I couldn't have had more fun than I did that day!
 
 
My mom took me to a used sporting goods store Tuesday to see if we could find some ski pants. We found a pair of black pants that fit pretty well for a good deal so Mom bought them. To say I was excited and looking forward to the trip was to understate the matter a great deal. I had been able to go skiing a total of three times before this - all on school trips.

That actually had me a little worried. I knew that Amy and her family went skiing a lot during the year. Would she be upset with slowing down to hang out with me? Or would she just leave me in her dust and all alone on the slopes? To say the least I was suffering with some insecurity issues. I managed to forget about that most of the time and just be excited.

I think my mom was really happy to see me smiling and looking forward to something. Things had improved a lot at school - but only to the point that I was only crying about twice a week when I came home. At least that was down from every day…
 
 
AMY AND I talked quite a bit over the phone each day leading up to Friday. I found out that I was going to be sharing her room at the condo since she had a set of bunk beds in there. "Prepare yourself for a talk by Dad though," she warned me. She had told him we were just good friends, but she knew that he would still end up saying something to us.

For me it was just going to be one new experience after another. I had never slept over at a friend's house before. Never. Can you believe that? I was outright hyper and giddy Thursday night. When Mom told me it was my bedtime I went to bed and couldn't get to sleep for hours. When she shook me awake the next morning it felt like I'd only been asleep for five minutes.

I took a shower that morning, dried my hair, and ate breakfast in record time. I paced around the house for thirty minutes before they arrived right on time at 7:30am. Mom went and talked to Amy's parents for a few minutes while I carried my backpack of stuff out to their car. I was already wearing my ski pants, as was Amy, when I got in the car. I noted that hers were basically the same as mine except they were purple.

"Hey, how are you doing?" I asked her.

"Great. We're going to have so much fun!" She replied excitedly.

We drove off and began the hour and a half drive up to the resort. After a while I asked her, "So what are we going to do first?"

"Well we're going to go put our stuff in our condo. Mom's going to fix us something to eat for lunch, and then we'll drive up to the resort." She said.

Her dad must have been listening in while he was driving, because he then said, "When we get up to the condo I'm going to have you try on a pair of Amy's ski boots. They're a little small for her, but I think they'll probably fit you. If they do then we'll just have you use her old skis with them. If they don't we'll go get you a rental set. Does that work for you?"

"Sure, I'm fine with whatever is easiest." I replied. I was suddenly thinking… Girls' ski boots? Or are they the same as guys? I wasn't honestly sure. All I knew was that maybe I'd get my first chance to ever wear something that was made for a girl! I didn't know if I was supposed to take a macho stance about it but… Oh well. Who would see me?

We continued the drive up to the resort with Amy and I chattering away as only kids that are best friends can. Before I knew it we were pulling off the highway and driving up a snowy gravel road to their condo. We went inside and Amy gave me the "Five-Cent" tour. On the first floor they had a closet right inside that they stored skis in when they weren't using them.

From there they had a second closet that was a normal coat closet. They had a fairly large kitchen, dining room, and den that were all kind of open to each other. In the middle of the room, against a wall, was a huge fireplace that had a bear rug in front of it. There were some couches and love seats arranged in an open bracket around it facing the fireplace. Amy also showed me where there was a half bath on that floor as well.

We then went upstairs and she showed me that there were two bedrooms and two bathrooms. Her parents' bedroom and bathroom were massive - they easily took up sixty-five percent of the space on that floor. Then she said, "and here is my room - our room tonight," and opened up the door to her bedroom. It was decorated much like her normal bedroom and had a set of bunk beds up against one wall. Both beds were decorated in Barbie bedding. She also had a huge doll house and dozens of Barbies stacked on a shelf above it.

As if reading my mind she said, "I like Barbie!" We chuckled a bit. She then added, "A lot of other girls are saying we're too old for them, but I still play with them. That's what I do when I get done with homework on most nights."

I felt kind of awkward… what was I supposed to say to that? So I responded, "That's cool that you still play with them. I still play with toys a lot too. Where do you keep them at your house? I didn't notice there being this many there."

She smiled at me, "I have a separate play room down the hall from my room. It's all Barbies and dolls, and since I didn't think you'd want to play with them we didn't go in there. I'm so glad you don't think I'm a freak for still playing with kids toys."

"Amy, you would be the last person I would ever think of as a freak." She smiled at me and said thanks.

She then showed me the bathroom that we were going to share… it was the size of both bathrooms at my house combined… It had a whirlpool tub and a walk-in shower. It also had a large vanity and two sinks.

She also had a large closet that had several more sets of ski pants, sweaters, and other cold weather clothes.
 
 
From there the conversation got a little more mundane and we decided who was going to sleep in which bed. By 'we' decided, I mean she said, "TOP BUNK!" and giggled. Apparently that was her tradition with friends - whoever spoke up first got first choice.

We were still talking in there when her dad came in, speaking initially to Amy, "Your mom is making lunch right now for all of us. When she gets done we'll eat and then head up to the slopes." He hesitated for a second, looking a little bit awkward before saying, "Actually, I wanted to talk to you both for a moment while we have a chance." Here it comes I thought.

"Brandon, from what Amy has told me I believe we can trust you two, but I'll ask anyways for you two not to do anything inappropriate. If you were both still younger I wouldn't even say anything… but middle school changes things. Do I have to say more, or do you get what I mean?"

"Mr. Hancock we wouldn't even think of doing anything like that. Amy and I are both waaayyy more interested in being friends than anything else." I replied.

"I believe you. Especially considering your response was almost word for word what Amy said last night. I do want you both to leave the door open tonight though okay?"

Amy replied this time, "That's fine Daddy, though there's nothing to worry about."

"I know sweetheart, but I'm your Dad, which means it's my job to say these things. Anyway, why don't you both come downstairs and we'll see if these ski boots fit you Brandon?"

We followed him downstairs and went to the ski closet. When he opened it up I saw two sets of ski boots that looked to be our size. One was pink with purple latches and the other set was black with purple latches. My heart skipped a beat wondering which pair I was going to be using.

He picked up the black ones and handed them to me. I took off my right shoe and put my foot into the boot. It was a good fit. I was actually curious what my foot size was compared to her. I'd have to check it out later.

Amy's mom came around from the kitchen "Do you mind wearing her boots Brandon? They're not overly girly, but if they bother you we can rent another set instead."

"They're fine Mrs. Hancock; I'm really not bothered by it at all." I replied.

"Okay but if you change your mind that's alright. Just be sure and let us know." She said.

I then saw the skis that went with the boots and almost wondered if I shouldn't have taken that back - they were covered with a mixture of purple and lighter purple. I decided to not worry about it though - wasn't this just a really cool little step on the journey I wished to take? Yes. I began to feel a little more excited as I thought about it all.

Once we were sure everything was set up right for me, we sat down and ate the grilled cheese and soup that her mom had made for us. After lunch I made sure that I thanked her and helped put all of the equipment on their SUV's ski rack. Then we all got into it to go up to the resort.

At the resort Mr. Hancock handed me a lift ticket and told me to attach it to the zipper of my jacket. Amy's mom was talking to her in the meantime, "Amy do you have your backpack?"

"Yes mommy," she replied. I could tell she was a little annoyed her mom was doing this in front of me.

"I just want to make sure that you have it and the extra stuff in it in case you guys need it. The snacks and your extra clothes are in there right?" She nodded and I stopped paying attention as Mr. Hancock had me help stack skis and poles against the car. Once everything was out of the car they told us where they wanted us to meet them at 4:30pm for dinner.

"Come on Brandon, let's go!" Amy said to me as we made our way away from her parents. We found a chairlift that would take us up to a spot where there were a lot of easy green trails to start off with.

We put on our skis before we got to the chairlift and I was a little shocked when the guy running the chairlift said, "Have a good run ladies," to us. I kind of blushed for a second and Amy giggled next to me.

I looked at her and asked, "do I look that much like a girl right now?"
 
 
"Not a whole lot, but the purple on your jacket, the skis, your hair, and the fact you're with me must have been enough to confuse him." She said in between giggles. I stuck my tongue out at her.

"I have one of those too!" She said smiling and sticking her own tongue out.

Now the jacket I had wasn't a girl's jacket, it just happened to be mainly purple with some blue and black areas on it. It wasn't the complete norm at the time, but it wasn't that unusual in that area because of the ski resorts. She had a point about the combination effect there - one that I was not unhappy about even a tiny bit!

We talked and giggled the rest of the ten minute ride up to the top and then started down the slope. It was actually a really warm sunny day that day. The temperature was about fifty degrees, so we really didn't need our jackets that much even. I shed the ear warmer I had on pretty early on in our run.

We had a lot of fun going down the slope. Usually I was a pretty timid skier, but somehow hanging out with Amy made me less so. I guess there's safety in having a friend doing the same stupid things? We went down our first run in about thirty minutes and then made our way back to the chairlift.

"So do you want to try something harder now?" Amy asked with a slight twinkle of mischief in her eye.

"As long as it's not too much harder I'll go for it." I replied as we looked at a map on the way up. I had finally found something to be annoyed about with my hair… it kept getting in my face - especially my mouth as we were riding up the chairlift. I kept pushing it back behind my ears to try and keep it in place, but it was still a bit short for that to be really effective. About five minutes later we made it to the top. I did the usual hop off of the lift and moved away from it to avoid getting hit by the chair.

"Hey, Brandon hold on a second." Amy said coming over to me. She opened up her backpack and dug for something for a moment. She pulled out a purple headband for hair. "I notice your hair keeps getting in your eyes, do you want to see if this'll work to keep it out of your face?" She asked me.

"Umm… wouldn't that be kind of weird?" I asked timidly.

"Well, maybe if someone knew you, but most people won't even notice. Besides, it's going to be a long afternoon if you're constantly fighting with your hair, trust me, I know!" She said pointing to the ponytail her hair was tied up into. "I'll put one in my hair too if it'll make you feel any better?" I saw she had a pink one in there too.

"Okay, I guess. If we see your parents though help me hide it somewhere okay? I don't want them to decide I shouldn't be around you because I'm weird or anything, alright?" I replied.

"Don't worry, Mom was the one who told me to be sure that I had an extra one in here since she thought you might need it!" I was flabbergasted by that. With my mouth still open she put the purple one into my hair and the pink into hers and started off down the trail while I was still in shock. Her mom thought I would wear it willingly? Did she know I wanted to be a girl? Did Amy know it? I was suddenly kind of nervous, but took after her down the trail.

Before I knew it we were going down a blue trail that had moguls on it. For those of you who have never skied before, moguls are little hills of snow on the slope. There's usually a section of them like rapids on a river on some of the harder trails. I had heard about them but never skied on them before.

I tried to follow Amy's lead going down them but I screwed up and my right hand ski went the wrong way. BOOM! Down I went, tumbling head over heels. My ski bindings released and I just kept tumbling a couple more times.
 
 
Chapter 6
 
 
WHEN I CAME out of shock I ran through a checklist in my brain about how my body felt. It really didn't feel like anything was seriously injured, but I didn't get up right away because it just seemed like too much work at that moment…
 
 
"Miss, are you okay?" I turned my head to see a ski patrolman standing next to me.

"Umm…" miss? Well, I didn't want to seem like a freak so I decided not to correct him. "Yeah, I just decided it was more comfortable on the ground." I said with a slight chuckle that sounded a lot more like a giggle. I got up from the ground and walked a few steps. "Yep, nothings broken except my pride."

I looked down the hill and saw Amy walking up the slope to me. She was almost up to where I was. In the meantime the patrolman was nice enough to recover my skis for me. "Are you alright?" Amy asked me.

"Yeah, like I told him, nothing's hurt other than maybe a little pride. But at least it was a pretty spectacular dive!" I said with a wry smile. The patrolman said, "It was a pretty good one. I was worried that you were actually hurt from that one. Well, since you're not, I'll leave you two ladies to continue. Have a good day."

Amy stood with a bemused expression on her face. "You know Brandon we could have some fun with this…"

"Umm… let's just worry about me not killing myself the rest of the day!" I said laughing.

"Oh alright, you're no fun!" She replied. "But we need to fix your hair real quick, your headband is really crooked now!" She did that and we started down the slope again.

Fortunately for me there weren't any other mogul sections on that trail and we had a pretty uneventful trip back down the slope. As I skied down the slope I was deep in thought about the day so far. On one hand part of me was screaming, 'YES! YES! YES!' I mean, I wanted to be a girl, I should be happy that I'd been referred as such two times that day right?

On the other side I had a healthy dose of fear. What would Amy say if she knew I wanted to be a girl? What would her parents say? What would my parents say? And obviously what would the kids at school say?
 
 
We got down to the bottom and Amy looked at me curiously. "Brandon, don't worry about them calling you a girl, it's not a bad thing. I personally don't care what they call you; you'll be my best friend no matter what. Plus, no one from school would care if they saw you here today. And, my parents both really like you and they don't care what you look like either."

"Best friend? Really?" I asked. I heard all of what she said, but my brain got suddenly stuck on that part.

"Yes, you really are my best friend Brandon. I know I haven't ever come out and said it to you, but I've said it to my mom plenty of times." We put our skis in a ski rack and walked into the lodge at the base of the mountain. She found a couple chairs by the fireplace that we could sit in for a few minutes while we kept talking. The rest of the room was pretty vacant.

"Brandon, I talk to you over the phone more than anyone else. I tell you more than I tell anyone else, you really are my best friend, and I'm not just saying that." She told me.

I knew without a doubt that she meant it and that I could trust her probably more than any other person on the planet. "Thanks Amy, you are definitely my best friend too. I just never realized that you felt that way about me as well. It's kind of strange though isn't it, a guy and a girl being best friends, but not having any interest in dating each other?"

"Maybe. Maybe not. All I know is that I really don't care one way or another as long as you don't." She said.

"I certainly don't, I couldn't think of a better person to have as a best friend myself." I said.

"Well, now that we have that settled are you a little more okay about the comments?"

"I guess. I just hope that no one from school sees me wearing a headband. I'd hate to have to endure one more thing at school." I said.

"You'll be fine Brandon, you've been doing so much better at dealing with them that I don't honestly think it would be worth their time. Besides, I'd help you out if something were to happen, okay?"

"Okay." I sat there for a brief moment before asking, "Do you know where the bathroom is? I really need to go."

"Yeah, I'll show you. I really need to go too!"

We walked down a hallway and found a set of restrooms. I half hesitated when I went into the men's room… I hoped no one freaked out and thought I was a girl going in the boy's room… Thankfully the restroom was empty when I went into it, and I came out without anyone seeing me. I waited for Amy outside of the restroom and she emerged shortly.

"Ready to go back up?" She asked.

"Yeah. Do we have time for another run?" I asked looking at my watch. It read 3:30.

"We should if we hurry and take one of the easier green trails that we can go faster on." I nodded and we hurried off to grab our skis and go on up the chair lift.

There was a different guy at the bottom of the lift and he said, "Have a good run, ladies."

I couldn't believe it… Maybe my plan could actually work. Amy was pretty accepting of me at this moment. I was beginning to think that she would be if I ever told her the truth too. I just didn't know if I could do that yet… I decided it didn't matter right now. The important thing was to have fun with my new best friend - or at least my newly announced best friend.

We got to the top and Amy said, "Let's try not to kill you again okay? I want to go shopping once we're done with this run!"

I said, "I'd certainly like to stay in one piece too, so I'll go for that plan." With that we began down the slope. Thankfully this time we didn't have any more acrobatics from me, and we made it down to the spot we were supposed to meet her parents at 4:20. We thought we might beat them, but they were already sitting there drinking coffee.

"How did your day go guys?" Mrs. Hancock asked.

Amy answered first, "Well other than Brandon trying to kill himself on some moguls not much!" She said with a wink.

"You had a decent spill huh?" Mr. Hancock asked.

"I think it looked pretty impressive. I wasn't hurt, but I definitely tumbled head over heels a couple times. I had fun though!" I said grinning.

I could tell that they decided it must not have been a big deal by the way their faces relaxed a bit.

"Well what do you want to do now?" Amy asked her parents.

"Why don't we go down into town and go shopping on Main Street. Then we've got reservations at a restaurant for 6:30pm. Does that sound alright?" her mom asked.

We both nodded. "Okay then, let's put the skis up on the rack and get going!" her dad said.

We got everything loaded up and sat down in her parent's car. As we were leaving I reached up to scratch my head and felt the headband still in my hair… Oh no!

I had intended to take that out before her parents saw me with it… I decided to do damage control and just go ahead and take it off. Amy saw what I was doing and grabbed it as I passed it to her. She then discreetly put it back in her bag. Her parents didn't say anything about it, so I decided they must not have noticed.
 
 
We talked non-stop with each other on the way down to town. It was a kind of long drive, about thirty minutes, but it was pretty with all of the snow on the trees and an occasional frozen pond here and there. My favorite thing though was when you would see a waterfall off to the side, because they were frozen! When we got to town we found a parking space and started walking around the various tourist shops that were on the street. I just kind of followed Amy around blindly. I wasn't really looking at anything for myself since I didn't really have any money to buy anything.

We went from one store to the next, with no one really finding anything to buy. After a bit we came to an Indian craft store. I wasn't really into the whole Indian thing, neither were they, but even if you're not into their dolls and such you have to admit the craftsmanship is top notch, especially their silversmithing. Amy's mom was taking a really close look at some of the necklaces.

Amy and I were kind of bored with that store and she suggested, "Hey, why don't we wait outside for her?"

I shrugged and said, "Okay."

So we waited outside on a bench by the store. Her parents came out about five minutes later and her mom said, "Okay, let's go ahead and head to the restaurant."
 
 
Both of us nodded vigorously since we were starving. We walked down about a block to the restaurant and saw instantly that it had been a good idea to have reservations. There was a line of people inside and outside the restaurant. If we hadn't had the reservations we would have had an hour-and-a-half wait, that's what I heard a hostess telling some people behind us at least.

We were seated fairly quickly and I discovered we were in the nicest restaurant I had ever been in. Every table had a cloth table cloth, cloth napkins, crystal glasses, and the inside was very nicely decorated. I wondered if I would even be able to afford an appetizer inside this place. After we were seated and the menus were given to us her dad said to me, "Brandon order whatever you want, it's our treat, and don't worry about the prices."

The waiter came by and asked, "What can I get you to drink?"

"Iced tea?" I replied. 'Do places like this have iced tea?' I asked myself.

"Great," he replied. He then took the rest of the table's drink orders as well. Amy also ordered an iced tea, and her parents ordered water and wine to go with their meal.

I briefly wondered if they had a kids menu (not that my appetite was that small,) but quickly decided if Amy wasn't asking that then there must not have been. The menu featured 'fine Italian' cuisine, and I quickly discovered I couldn't pronounce - let alone understand - what half the dishes were.

"Amy, what are you getting?" I asked. She was more used to this and would probably be able to help me I figured.

"Probably the scaloppini di pollo." She said.

I scanned down to that part of the menu and decided that sounded good. "That sounds good."

A few minutes later the waiter came back with our drinks and took our orders. Her dad started off saying that we wanted an order of calamari to begin with. Then her parents ordered before the waiter took Amy's and my orders. I decided to go with the Scaloppini (whatever that really was) as well since it seemed like a safe bet. It also appeared to be one of the cheapest dishes at only twenty-seven dollars.

Our dinner came with a small salad that I found myself enjoying. The 'Calamari' came out then as well. I had no idea what it was, so I had no preconceptions.
I found that I was enjoying it thoroughly.

Amy looked amused about something, "Brandon, so you're enjoying the squid?"

"The what?" I asked.

"The squid, that's what calamari is." She said giggling.

I couldn't decide whether or not to be horrified, not believe her, or just say yes. In a split second I said the polite answer, "Yes, actually it's pretty good." I ate some more then to decide whether or not I actually liked it or not, now that I knew what it was. I decided I did like it.

From there our meal came out. I was glad to see it wasn't some exotic, inedible thing. I cut up a piece of the meat and discovered it tasted really good. That night during dinner I didn't talk a whole lot. I was fairly tired and out of my element so I sat quietly enjoying my meal.

I became full very quickly - I figure I'd eaten a third of the dish and found myself wondering how her family felt about leaving food on the plate. Thankfully Amy's mom answered that question almost on cue again, "Brandon, don't worry if you can't eat it all, we'll take the rest back for tomorrow." I was relieved at that, especially when Amy's dad spoke to the waiter and ordered two desserts for the table.

When the dessert arrived we each took a small piece of it. The first dessert he ordered was something called tiramisu. I decided I had never tasted anything that good before. It had such a wonderful creamy flavor with the bits of cakelike stuff inside. He also ordered a slice of chocolate mousse cake, something I liked, but not as well as the tiramisu.
 
 
"So Brandon, did you enjoy your meal?" Mr. Hancock asked me.

"Yes, it was wonderful Mr. Hancock! Thank you again so much for bringing me this weekend. I don't think I've ever had this much fun." I replied with what I perceived as a giant smile on my face.

"Well we'll have to have you join us again next fall when we come back up here. The slopes close next weekend so it'll have to wait till then." He told me.

"I look forward to it!" I said just as happy.

With that Amy and I chatted about a whole lot of stuff for a few minutes while he paid the check. As a group we walked back down the street to the car and headed back up to the condo. I must have really been exhausted because the next thing I remember was us pulling into the driveway.

I noticed Amy also looked like she was waking up. "Well did you two enjoy your nap?" Mrs. Hancock asked us.

Amy grunted, "Uh-huh."

I replied saying "I guess. I didn't even realize I had fallen asleep."

We woke up enough to walk into the condo and sit down on the couch in front of their fireplace. I had been kind of tired before the nap, but now I was feeling awake again. I had a feeling that Amy and I would soon be hyper and bouncing off the walls again - something I'm sure her parents 'couldn't wait for.'
 
 
WE BOTH plopped down on the couches and began talking to each other. As we sat there we both commented on how chilly it was inside the room. Amy said, "I bet my parents forgot to turn the heater up before we left."

"Brrr…" I said.

We quickly became distracted talking about other things though. A short while later her mom interrupted, "Before either of you get too comfortable, why don't you go change into your pajamas while we get a fire started?"

"Though not at the same time in the same room please." Her dad joked. I could tell he was actually joking this time though - something had changed in his attitude toward us.

"But Dad!" Amy joked back. We went upstairs and took turns in her bathroom changing into our pajamas. I had a set of blue flannel pajama bottoms and an old soccer shirt for a top. She, big surprise, came out wearing a set of satin Barbie pajamas. I was instantly very jealous of her - I wanted a pair of Barbie pajamas!

We both talked and joked around as we bounded back downstairs to the couch. Her dad had built a blazing fire in the fireplace that felt really good on our cold bodies. We bundled up in some blankets there and kept jabbering on. This time, we were talking about movies that were coming out that we hoped to see.

"I want to see the Sandra Bullock movie that's coming out in April. It sounds really cute." Amy said.

"I'd like to go see Apollo 13 when it comes out. I think it's going to be a really cool movie too."
 
 
We went on and on about that type of stuff. Her mom brought us mugs of hot chocolate at that point, and asked if we wanted to play a board game. I looked at Amy and she shrugged and said, "sure."

"Amy why don't you go pick something out real quick with Brandon?" Her mom suggested.

"Okay Mom, do you care what we play?" She asked.

"Just not Candyland please," her mom said teasingly, but it made me wonder - did she still like to play Candyland?

I followed Amy to a cabinet underneath the staircase where there were a lot of board games stashed. "Well what do you want to play," Amy asked me. I saw tons of games in the cabinet including some I had never heard of. A few of them were; Candyland (it looked well used), Monopoly, Risk, Trivial Pursuit, Scrabble, My Little Pony, something called Mall Madness, Trouble, Connect 4, and others. I had no idea what was good. It's kind of hard to play board games when you're an only child. I wasn't completely sure how Amy's family made it work. Maybe they just had friends over more often.

"I don't honestly know, except when I'm at my cousin's house I never really get to play board games. So I really don't know what's good, you pick something." I told her.

I thought she would argue with me on it, but a glint in her eye told me that she had something in mind already. She pulled out the game she had been wanting to play I guess, called 'Mall Madness.' "I love this game," she said.
 
 
I thought it looked totally like a girl's game - not that that bothered me, but I hoped they wouldn't say anything. We brought it back to the coffee table by the fireplace. Her mom looked at her and said, "I thought I told you both to pick out a game?"

"Mrs. Hancock I didn't know what was good so I told her just to pick something." I replied hoping to keep her from getting in trouble.

"Besides Mom, I didn't pick Candyland!" She said in an exasperated drama queen voice while rolling her eyes. I giggled a bit about this.

"Alright I guess, as long as Brandon doesn't mind. Let's get it set up since it does take a while." Her mom said.

She wasn't kidding. It probably took fifteen to twenty minutes for us to get the board and stuff set up. Soon after that though, the four of us were all having a great time. If you've never played this game I highly suggest that you do!

I was not surprised that Amy won the first game - she was like a card shark with her skills at the game. But, surprising to all of us, I won the second game! After the second game her mom seemed to notice that it was getting late and that we should be going to bed.

Mr. Hancock had already left the room to go upstairs when she said. "Well, you two need to get to bed so we can hit the slopes again tomorrow before they get crowded. Before you do that though, I bought something for the two of you that I thought you might enjoy since you've become such close friends this year." She handed us each a small box that had was tied shut by a ribbon with a bow on top.

We both opened our boxes at the same time and discovered a little jewelry box inside. When we opened them up we each found half a heart on a silver necklace chain. I noticed that the necklace was marked as being made of sterling silver as we both pulled ours out of the box to look at them.

"Brandon, if you consider it too girly I won't be hurt if you don't wear it. But I got a long enough chain no one should be able to see it under your shirt if you don't want them to see it. I thought it could be at least a symbol of your friendship and a souvenir from this trip."

I sat stunned, this seemed like a wonderful gift, but did this mean she knew I wanted to be a girl? Perhaps, perhaps not. I was always taught not to look a gift horse in the mouth, and said, "It's a great gift, thank you Mrs. Hancock." I stood up and gave her a hug to emphasize my appreciation.

"Well then, if you're both in agreement then you need to make a pinky promise to each other of some sort and then put them on each other. Since I'm not part of this promise I'll disappear for a couple moments… But you need to go to bed in two minutes, so keep it quick." She said smiling while she left the room.

"Wow, your parents are really nice Amy. Do they usually do this kind of stuff for your friends?"

"No. I think they like you more than any other friend I've ever had. Well, like she said we have a promise to make!" She smiled and held out her right pinky.

I put out my right pinky and asked, "So what are we promising?"

"How about that no matter what happens to either of us, no matter who else we meet, or how we change, that we'll never break each other's trust or secrets?" She suggested.

"That sounds good, I promise never to break your trust or tell any of your secrets." I repeated back to her. We moved our pinkies up and down and then separated. I took the necklace in my hand and put it around her neck, and she did the same to me.

She gave me a hug. "See now we are really officially best friends!" This was the first time we had ever hugged, something I had wondered what it would be like. It really was a memorable moment, but it was just two best friends giving each other a hug. For better or worse there was no boy/girl chemistry thing going as far as I could tell.

"Well, let's go up to bed before your Mom starts herding us there," I whispered to her.

She giggled a bit and nodded. We went upstairs and both of us went into the bathroom to brush our teeth. I discovered how nice it was to have two sinks in one bathroom. We finished up and headed towards the beds. She seemed to be back into a giddy mode from having won the calling contest earlier. Amy was definitely pleased with herself about that victory.
 
 
Before she started climbing into bed though, she grabbed a stuffed teddy bear and a stuffed lion from the one side of her room with the toys. By the time she returned I had crawled into my bed - kind of excited to be sleeping with Barbie bedding - while she was doing whatever she was up to. She walked over to the beds and said, "Here. I don't think you brought a stuffed animal with you. And I don't let my friends sleep over without one!" She said with a big smile.

Part of me wanted to tell her I hadn't slept with a teddy bear since I was five… but girls sleep with stuffed animal's right? Wasn't she proof of that? "Umm... Thanks. I think."

"You're welcome." She replied and then climbed into her bed. Her mom came upstairs and turned the light off saying, "goodnight guys." Normally when you sleep over somewhere you stay up all night talking… tonight wasn't one of those nights though. I think we were both asleep as soon as our heads hit the pillow.
 
 
Chapter 7
 
 
I FELT A slight prodding sensation. Something strange was happening in my dream. "Brandon, wake up." Poke.

"Ahh!!…" I woke up to see Amy standing over me.

"Wake up Brandon! Geeze… how long does it normally take to wake you up?" Amy asked me as she kept poking me.

"I don't know… I'm usually never awake for it" I said as I tried to roll back over.

"If I have to I'll tickle you!" She said. I knew she meant it too.

"All right I'm getting up!" I said with a groan.

"Good, why don't you go ahead and take a quick shower. Mom's making breakfast downstairs. Once you're done we'll go eat and then we'll hit the slopes!"

"What time is it?"

"Seven."

Groan… "Way too early…" I said as I got off of my rear end, and dragging myself and my stuff to the bathroom. I showered, but didn't wash my hair. Mom had told me that if I was in a hurry that could save me some time - I got the feeling we were in that hurry. I got out of the shower as quick as I could, and then took care of the rest of the essentials to starting a day. I did brush my hair out really quick after brushing my teeth, and putting my ski clothes back on.

I switched shirts to a Disney shirt I got when we went to Disneyland this past summer. It was a yellow shirt with Mickey on it. I only had one pair of ski pants, so I had to wear those again. I looked at myself and decided I was fairly presentable and went out to the room.
 
 
"That was quick. Did you wash your hair out?"

"I didn't think I had time to do that… So I'll wait till tomorrow I guess."

"I didn't wash mine out today either…" She paused before continuing, "I was kind of hoping if we get back early I could get Mom to do it for me."

"Your mom washes your hair?" I asked

"Occasionally. It's such a great feeling having someone else wash your hair!" She replied enthusiastically, "Maybe I can get her to do yours too!" She added. I felt a little awkward and mumbled something.

"Do you have your necklace on?" She asked curiously.

"Yes, you?" I asked. I didn't take it off that night, and left it on in the shower by accident. 'Shouldn't hurt it though,' I figured. I currently had it tucked underneath my shirt - I was experimenting to see if you could see it if I did that. There was a bit of chain around the front inside of my collar visible. I didn't know if I could get away with wearing it to school or not. My hair actually did cover the back of the chain though…

Bringing me back to the moment she said, "Yep! Anyway, I'm hungry let's go eat!"
 
 
She dragged me down the stairs and we sat down at their dining table to eat. I'm really not a morning person, never have been, never will be. But I did my best to act civilized!

We drove off to the resort a short while later. At the resort we got to unpack everything all over again.

"Okay guys, we're going to let you go off again on your own today. We'd like for you to meet us at the Timberline Restaurant for lunch at 11:30, okay?"

"Okay," we both answered together. Amy then led me to a different lift than we had used the previous day.

"Hey Brandon, we should do something with your hair again today." She said. Somehow I felt there was something strange going on, like she had been looking forward to this.

"Okay, I guess we can do the headband thing again today. Did your mom mention it last night or this morning?"

"No she didn't, but like I said she suggested it in the first place. Are you worried about forgetting to take it off before we saw them?" I nodded. "It's really okay! It's not that big of a deal to wear a headband."

"I guess I'm not really worried about what strangers think, I just don't want your parents to think I'm a freak or something. You're too good of a friend for that."

"If my parents thought that, do you think my mom would have gotten this necklace set for us? My dad was in the store and I'm sure she told him what she was thinking of doing - so he obviously likes you too. So chill." She said with a smile.

"Okay, I guess I'll wear the headband again." I said smiling back at her.

"Okay, let me get it out." She started digging through her bag. "Uh-oh…"

"What?"

"I think I must have taken them out this morning for some reason… Hrmm…" She looked thoughtful for a moment, and then looked at me before digging into her bag. She said, "Turn around."

I looked skeptically at her for a second, "Trust me," she said. So I did. In a moment I felt her gathering my hair and pulling it back and forth before she said a few seconds later, "Done!"

I felt my hair, something felt odd. It was off of my neck -that hadn't been the case in a while - and my hand ran up to find, "A ponytail?" I asked incredulously.

"Yep! And actually I think you look really cute with it!"

I was flabbergasted… I didn't know what to say. "Okay… If people thought I was a girl yesterday that's probably only going to be worse today… I should take this out."

I started to reach up to pull the scrunchie she had used to tie it up out. But she gave me this sad puppy dog look. "Come on, I'll remind you to take it out before we meet with my parents. I've wanted to do that and so much else with your hair since like a month ago. I didn't know if it was long enough though… Come on. I promise I'll never tell anyone else!" She said practically groveling.

'I was right, she had planned this.' I thought to myself before saying, "Alright. But please remind me to pull it out. I don't want your parents to see me like this."

"Great, let's go!"
 
 
She put her skis on and we climbed up to the chairlift. I hoped that I had fought hard enough to not make her think I was going along with it too easily. On one hand I really wanted to be a girl… on the other hand it was such a scary road. I was beginning to fear that it was also one my best friend had pegged me as wanting to follow.

"So Amy, why are we getting on this chairlift today?" I asked.

"Well, we're going to meet my parents at that restaurant, and it's on the backside of the mountain. This'll get us into that area. We can make several runs down this side and then we can meet them there. Then we'll be able to ski the front side of the mountain the rest of the day. Sound good?"

"Yeah, that does sound good. So, we're getting really close to the trip to Florida, are you excited?" I asked her

"Yeah I am. Have you ever been there before?"

"No, we went to Disneyland in California last year for the first time, but I've never been east, let alone to Florida. You?"

"Yeah, we've been a couple times. The last time was 2 years ago. I love it there, especially Disney World! You'll have a blast there, it's way better than the one in California. What are you looking forward to most?"

"I don't know." I said thoughtfully before saying, "Actually I think the day at Kennedy Space Center and Space Camp! Have you ever seen that movie?" She shook her head, "We'll have to watch it together sometime. I mean I guess maybe it's kind of dorky but I love science and space. It would be so cool to be able to go up there someday."

"I don't think it's dorky at all. Actually that's the one place on our trip that we've never been - I've always wanted to go there though. The rest of the kids may not realize it, but I'm every bit as much of a dork as you are!" She said giggling as we reached the top on the chairlift.
 
 
We made our way to the top of the trail we were going down and started down the slope. The ponytail was a whole new experience - something I'd wanted to experience ever since I'd decided I must really be a girl - and it was everything I hoped it would be. I loved how it bounced a bit every time I hit a bump.

We skied several trails down to the bottom. When we got there I said, "That was fun! I think I like the trails back here better than ones on the front."

"I kind of do too. Tell you what, let's go back up and stop at the bathroom on our way down before we go the rest of the way back here, okay?"

"Sure, that sounds like a great plan." I really needed to go too.
 
 
We rode the lift back up to the top, this particular lift was slower and it took us almost twenty minutes to get back to the top. I suppose it's still better than having to walk up though right? We skied down the little bit to a building that had a café, a small store, and some restrooms. She entered the girl's room while I went into the boy's room. When I finished I went to wash my hands and looked at myself in the mirror.

I couldn't believe how much I looked like a girl! I loved the scrunchie that was in my hair. It was purple, and seemed to match everything else I was wearing. I left the bathroom and started to wonder if some guy saw me what he would think…

What would happen if he wondered why I was going into the boy's restroom…? Thankfully no one had been around when I went in, but that was bringing up some questions I hadn't really thought about. I had not even come close to coming out and saying my desires… but my hair and my appearance were causing most people to believe I was a girl without even doing anything else. What problems was that going to cause?
 
 
Amy came out of the ladies restroom and we went back down the slopes via a different set of trails than last time. We reached the bottom about forty minutes before we were supposed to meet her parents.

"Brandon, we should head back up and start skiing to the restaurant we're meeting my parents at."

"Sounds good, I'm starving!"

When we got on the ski lift we started talking again. It was awfully hard to talk while we were going down the slope, so it was nice to take the break to be able to talk.

"Brandon, I was supposed to remind you to take out the scrunchie before we met up with my parents."

"Oh that's right," I said as I started to reach up to the foreign object in my hair.

"Wait," she said and I stopped reaching, "why don't you just leave it in?"

"Umm… Because boys aren't supposed to wear their hair in a ponytail held up by a purple scrunchie?"

"Who says?"

"Well… What other guy, besides me, have you ever seen with their hair in a purple scrunchie?" I asked. I wasn't sure where this was going - I was mildly terrified though.

"Well… none… But I don't care, and my parents won't care either." She said.

"Umm… what happens if they think I'm a girl at the restaurant?" I asked.

"Well… they may think that anyway." I raised my eyebrow a little before she suggested, "You could just let it slide?"

"Why are you so insistent on me keeping my hair like this?" I asked.
 
 
The chairlift stopped in midair - something was wrong on one of the ends or something. "Umm… Look Brandon I don't think we could ever date, I'm not really interested in you in that way… But I think you feel the same way right?" I nodded "But I think you look cuter like this. I don't know, maybe its more fun having you as a friend if you look like that? You don't have to do it I guess, it's just something I think is cute. And admit it, you like it don't you?"

I stuttered for a moment, thinking about denying it... "How do you know that I like it?" I asked.

"You smiled when you realized what it was at first. I also saw you smiling when you felt it bouncing, and you frowned when you thought you needed to take it out."

"I didn't do that did I?" She nodded. "I guess I do kind of like it a bit… but it's a little weird. You won't tell anyone will you?"

"Of course not!" She said.

"What about your parents, will they tell my parents about my hair?" I asked nervously. The chairlift started moving again.

"We'll lie about it, we'll say that I won a bet against you and this was what I won. Fair enough?" She asked.

"Yeah, I suppose that does work. I hate for you to lie to your parents though."

"Ah... This is something minor, and Mom won't mind one way or another. So, are you going to leave it in?"

"Sure. You're right, I do enjoy it. You promise your parents aren't going to care?"

"Promise."
 
 
We reached the top and started down the hill towards the restaurant. We'd been skiing intermediate level trails all morning, so it didn't seem too bad getting down to this restaurant from the top. We made it with about ten minutes to spare and sat down on a bench outside to wait for her parents.

I sat there wondering for a few minutes if I should still take out the scrunchie, but I was committed shortly later when her parents skied up. Her mom came up to us and looked at me, "Cute. Amy, why is Brandon's hair up in one of your scrunchies?"

"He and I had a little bet and I won."

"You're okay with this Brandon?" her dad asked. He didn't seem overly concerned about it, but was checking anyway.

"Well I was okay enough to bet about it, so yeah." I replied. I was glad that no one asked us what the bet was.

We then walked into the restaurant to get lunch. We sat down and had a casual lunch of hamburgers and fries. At the counter I was not surprised when the worker said, "and what would you like miss?" I was really ecstatic about it in so many ways, but I was still so nervous about what was going to come from this. We talked about the day of skiing so far, and when we were going to meet down at the base.

"Amy, Brandon, why don't you go ahead and meet us back down at the base in two hours?" Her dad asked at the end of lunch. That would put it at 3pm.

Amy asked, "What are we going to do when we get done?"

"Well I figured we'd shop a little at the resort and then go to the condo and hang out there for a bit. I figure we can take it from there. Does that sound like a plan?"

Amy and I nodded and took off for the slopes. We took a chairlift up from where we were to the very top of the hill. Then we followed a series of trails to get back to the front side.

"I'm worn out," I said to Amy when we got to the bottom.

"Me too." I looked at my watch, it was only 2:10. "I'll go again if you want to, but right now I'd kind of just like to find some hot chocolate and sit down somewhere."

"No, the hot chocolate sounds really really good." She said. We put our skis over on a rack and then walked into the lodge. It was certainly not a cheap thing to buy there - especially since I insisted on getting both of ours, but her parents had done too much for me to let her pay for that.

The counter guy said, "hear you go miss, enjoy."

'Not a single person I've met today thought I was a boy! I can't believe it!!' I thought to myself, even as I said "Thanks." I took the drinks over to where Amy was sitting next to a warm fire.

"Here Amy," I said as I handed it to her.

"Thanks!" We sat there quietly enjoying the drinks for a while without either speaking. Both of us relaxing and deep in thought.
 
 
Chapter 8
 
 
"BRANDON, WHAT DO you want to do when we get back to the condo?" Amy asked.

"I don't know, what is there to do?" I asked

"Well, we could play another board game - though that's a long time for games. We could go swimming in the pool there… We could play with my toys… Or we could just sit there and look bored?"

Part of me wished so much to play with her toys (Barbie's!), but my better judgment said there would be other opportunities for that if I went over to her house more. We had actually talked about me starting to come after school to hang out after school, this week. So… out of the other options I decided on swimming. I loved swimming.

"How about swimming?" I suggested.

"That sounds good, did you bring your swimming suit?"

Man how I wanted to say no to see what would happen… would it be like my dream at my aunt's house? But the scared and intimidated me said the real answer, "Yeah, I did."

"Okay then, let's go swimming when we get done with shopping!" She was fairly excited, I was glad to see that. I fed off of her excitement and we both talked rapidly for the next twenty minutes or so when we realized that we needed to go meet her parents.

We grabbed our skis and walked down to the parking lot. Amy thought about putting our skis on the rack but we couldn't reach that high. Her parents showed up a few minutes later though and her mom reached into the car for a camera.

"I want to get a picture of everyone together before we put the stuff up for the season." She had Mr. Hancock prop the skis up in the snow behind the car (there was a pile where the plows had pushed it up), and had us stand in front of them. As she was getting ready to take the picture she saw a resort worker and asked him to take the picture.

I had a feeling it would end up looking more like a family picture than a friend with a friend's family. I stood in front of Mr. Hancock, Amy in front of Mrs. Hancock. We took like ten or fifteen pictures like that with their nice camera, and then Mrs. Hancock got several with just Amy and me.
 
 
After we got done taking them I suddenly remembered I still hadn't taken the scrunchie out… Oh well. I didn't think you could probably see the scrunchie, you'd just see the hair pulled back. I decided not to worry about it. From there we got everything loaded back up.

Mrs. Hancock then said, "Okay, let's go look at the shops!"

We followed her lead to the various stores and looked around. She stopped in at one store that offered merchandise with the resorts name on it. "Amy, you need a new t-shirt right?"

"Umm… Yeah, the other one is fading really bad." She replied.

"Pick out a new one then," she said pointing at the t-shirts. Amy looked around and picked out a black shirt that had the resort logo in bright blue.

She then looked at me and asked, "which one do you want Brandon?" I was flabbergasted, after all they had done for me they were going to buy me a shirt too?

I must have looked confused though because Amy said, "Brandon, get the same one as me, it's unisex, and it would be fine for a boy to wear it too!"

I didn't know what Amy had in mind but I went along with it. I also discovered, much to my surprise, that Amy and I were the same size. That was strange, everyone at school except Nikki was taller than me but I actually thought I would be a little bigger than her. We got the shirts and finished up the shopping. From there we headed back to their condo.
 
 
"What do you two want to do when we get there?" Her mom asked.

"Brandon and I were talking about going swimming. Is that okay with you guys?"

"Yeah, that should be fine. You guys can go swim for an hour or so, and then I'll have dinner ready for you."

"What are we having Mom?" Amy asked.

"Well I'll heat up the leftovers from yesterday, and then I'm making grilled cheese sandwiches and soup. Does that work?"

I of course nodded because I wasn't about to complain while in someone else's house, and Amy seemed to go along with it too.
 
 
When we pulled up to the condo we helped them stash all of the ski stuff back in the closet, I left the purple boots on the floor there, and walked with Amy upstairs to her bedroom.

"Why don't you get into the bathroom first?" Amy suggested. "Make sure you put some pants on top of your swimming suit since we have to walk outside a little bit before we get to the pool. It will be cold… especially when we come back!"

"Okay, that's a good idea." I replied and took my bag into the bathroom. I put my swimming suit on and put on a pair of nylon wind pants over them. I left the bathroom a few minutes later and she went in and out. While she was in the bathroom I pulled the scrunchie from my hair.

I liked the way a pony tail had felt, though my hair was just barely long enough to hold it in. I looked around in my bag for my brush and started brushing my hair out. I was just about done when Amy came out of the bathroom. "Why are you bothering when we're just going to get it wet anyway?" She asked.

"I dunno… just seemed like the thing to do right now. Are you ready?"

"Yeah, let's grab a couple towels and let Mom know we're walking over there."

"Okay," We grabbed two towels and then bounded down the stairs.

"Mom, we're going to the pool now." Amy told her Mom.

"Okay, did you remember towels?" We nodded. "Then have fun. I'll send your dad after you guys when it's time for you to come back for dinner."

"Thanks Mom," Amy said.
 
 
We walked around the building's backside to a building that housed the condo community's indoor pool and jacuzzi. Amy and I walked to the door and used her house key to get in.

"So what do you think?" she said as she opened the door and I really got a chance to look inside the building. The pool was large, and looked like it went outside as well as inside. On one side of the pool sat a water slide that was about twenty feet tall. There was also a glass wall that allowed you to view a fitness center from the pool area. On that same wall I saw signs for girl and guy restrooms.

"I think it's really nice. I'll come up with you guys any time you want!" I said with a wink.

"Well, I think you can plan on being able to come with us anytime you want. Enough talking! Let's go swimming!"
 
 
We both stripped down to our swimming suits. I immediately headed for the water slide using it to kick off my time swimming.

"Hey, that was my idea," Amy said as I climbed up the slide. I stuck my tongue out at her and continued to the top. As soon as I reached the top I sat down and went down the slide. I had far too much fun with that for my age!

Amy was right behind me, and we then had a splashing contest in the pool before going back up the slide. She beat me up to the slide this time and it gave me time to admire her swimming suit. It was a pink one-piece swimsuit with some thick, angular, blue lines across it. How I wish I would have been able to wear something like that!

We swam and played in the pool for what only seemed like fifteen minutes before her dad came and said, "Amy, Brandon, it's time for dinner."

Amy gave me a final splash and we swam to the side where we had left our clothes and our towels. We both dried off our bodies and tried to dry our hair a bit before putting our clothes back on.
 
 
We then started back to their condo - it had gotten cold quick that night, and by the time I got back there I thought my hair must be frozen! It hadn't quite done that yet, but it certainly felt stiff. We sat down at the dinner table and had the leftovers with the grilled cheese and soup.

I had learned earlier from Amy that it was a tradition for them to eat this meal the night before they went home. Apparently she used to beg for it when she was really little, and that was their compromise for her.

I was fairly tired so I didn't talk a whole lot during dinner - though no one seemed to be much better off. I was full about the time that Amy's mom asked her, "Do you want to take a quick shower and then I'll wash your hair?"

"Yeah, that sounds great!" Amy said, fairly excited. "You should do Brandon's too!" Amy suggested excitedly.

"Brandon if you'd like that I'd be willing." Her mom said to me.

"What exactly do you do?" I asked. Trying to remember back to what Amy told me.

"I just wash her hair with shampoo and condition it over at the sink. I usually massage her scalp a little too. It's not really anything that out of the ordinary, it just feels nice to have done for you. So… yes… no…?"

"Sure, it's something to do if nothing else." I replied.

"Okay then, Amy why don't you go shower first and then Brandon can get in there. Okay?"

"Okay Mom, I'll be back soon." She said to her Mom.

I stayed down and helped her mom with the dishes. She smiled as I helped her work on them. It just seemed like something I should offer to do though. Amy came down about ten minutes later and I went up and showered real quick before putting on my pajamas (I noticed that's what Amy did), and coming back downstairs myself.
 
 
When I came down I saw Amy's mom wrapping her hair up in a towel. "Brandon, go ahead and come sit down here. I saw she had set up a taller chair in front of the kitchen sink where Amy had been sitting. Amy was smiling - I think that may have been her favorite part of the trip so far.

I sat down in the chair. "Brandon, why don't you take your necklace off while I do this? I'll put it here on the counter." I took it off and handed it to her.

"Okay, now lean back and relax." Her mom told me. I did, I sat back and relaxed as she first wet my hair down some more, and then began applying shampoo to my hair. As she was doing this she made sure she rubbed the shampoo into every hair and part of my scalp there was. It must have been some of Amy's shampoo, because it smelled like berries.

I then felt her rinse it out with the sink sprayer. I thought maybe she would be done then but as soon as I heard her put the sprayer back down I felt her rub something else into my hair - it must be conditioner I thought. The whole experience was more wonderful than anything else I could remember.

A few minutes later she rinsed the conditioner out of my hair and wrapped my hair in a towel like she had done Amy's. I sat up, kind of feeling a head rush, and then stood up. "Thank you Mrs. Hancock. That felt really good!" I said.

Amy was sitting on the couch with her hair still wrapped up, "See, I told you so."

"I never doubted you. So what's next?" I asked.

"Well, now Mom will blow dry my hair and put it into some random style she'll decide on… and then we get to team up and do the same to you!" She said smiling.

"That's only if you want to though Brandon," Mrs. Hancock said as she walked over to the couch where we were sitting. She pulled a kitchen chair up next to an outlet on the wall and directed Amy to sit down in it.

"Come on Brandon, you have to!" Amy said.

"Okay, just because you want me to." I said.
 
 
I watched her mom take the blow dryer and several combs/brushes and work with her hair for a while until it was dry. Finally I watched as she separated the back of her hair in half and tied each side into cute pigtails with some pink ribbon. She whispered something into Amy's ear. After she had heard whatever her mom had said she smiled really big and jumped out of the chair.

"Okay Brandon! Your turn!" Amy squealed. She was clearly more excited about this than I was able to let on myself. The truth of the matter is that I couldn't have been more excited. Maybe I would get pigtails too! Was my hair long enough for pigtails? I had wondered that recently.

I sat down in the chair and felt Amy and her mom work together on my hair for what seemed like forever. I swore I must be in a dream… They ran the blow dyer through my hair while combing and brushing it out. After a while they turned the blow dryer off and I felt her separate my hair, they were actually going to do it - I was going to have pigtails like a real girl!!!

I couldn't wait to see myself in the mirror. Her mom had to try a couple times to get the bunch of hair on my right just right, then she moved on to my left. A minute later she said, "Done."

Amy giggled a little bit, grabbed my hand, and said, "Let's go look!" She led me bounding up the stairs to the bathroom.
 
 
When we got up to the bathroom I couldn't believe it. If I thought I had looked like a girl with the ponytail it was nothing compared to the two pigtails hanging off either side of my head. "Whoa." I said. I looked so cute! I looked just like a little girl - maybe a little too little… I couldn't stop smiling about it! And, I couldn't keep the giggle in my throat from coming out.

"You know Brandon, you would make a prettier girl than most of the girls in our grade." Amy commented.

I couldn't disagree with her on that… I had always dreamed it might be such, but here it was and she was right. If only I had girls clothes on there would be no doubt. That brought me back to reality though, and I became morose as I said, "Yeah, but that could result in me getting beat up more…" I answered honestly.

"Actually, I think that people are going to start leaving you alone more and more. If you came dressed up in girls clothes to school there might be problems, but I don't think you're going to get anything from your hair. Besides…" She giggled, "I know of at least three girls that have a crush on you because of your hair. They think you look like a rock star." She giggled some more. "So what do you think?"

"It's different… it's kind of amusing…" I trailed off.

"Okay, let's go downstairs and play a game now!" She grabbed my hand and we walked back downstairs. She went to the closet and came back with Monopoly. I think I saw her mom groan a bit, but we ended up setting it up and playing.

You know Monopoly is just one of those games that seem to always go the same way with people everywhere. Well, we had a lot of fun, and I do have to admit I kicked some serious butt! I set up a great racket of hotels on expensive and inexpensive sites and Amy and her parents kept landing on them.
 
 
At about 10pm I took Mr. Hancock's last set of cash and properties… It was a good day!

"Okay, you guys need to get going to bed so we can get out of here in the morning." Her mom said to us.

I yawned and nodded in agreement, "Yeah, I'm pretty tired anyway. Thanks again for everything you guys have done for me this weekend, it's been a lot of fun."

"You're very welcome Brandon, again, anytime you want to come along with us, or even just come over to our house feel free!"

"Thanks." I grabbed my necklace off the kitchen counter - I almost forgot it! - and grabbed Amy to go upstairs. I think it was the first time I ever dragged her somewhere - she was mostly asleep at this point.

When we got upstairs we both brushed our teeth and just went to bed after that, we were both pretty tired. I think we tried to stay up and talk, but we were both asleep by the time her mom came to say goodnight.
 
 
Mrs. Hancock shook me awake in the morning, "Brandon, it's time to get up and get ready."

I grunted and sat up. She reached up and woke Amy next. I wiped the sleep from my eyes and slowly got out of bed. Ugh… I hate mornings… My hair felt kind of funny I thought for a second before realizing I forgot to take my pigtails out… I pulled the hair ties out of each side and grabbed my hair brush to brush it out. I looked up and saw Amy doing the same thing.

We ate a breakfast of cereal, they cleaned out some stuff, and we got on the road to go back home. Amy and I talked on the way home, but it was a little more subdued. Tomorrow we had to go back to school, something that neither of us were really looking forward to.

They pulled up to my house a couple hours later.

"Thank you so much for inviting me along," I said to them all, but particularly her parents.

"No problem Brandon, we really enjoyed having you. Anytime you want to come over feel free to." Mrs. Hancock said.

I spoke with Amy really quick outside of the car through her window, "So Brandon you're going to come to my house after school tomorrow right?"

"Yeah, it sounds like fun. Hopefully they won't load us down with homework." I replied.
 
 
My parents came out of the house and gave me a hug and said thanks to her parents. My dad grabbed my bag from me and we went inside. Of course once inside they started 'interrogating me' as I like to put it.

"How was your weekend?" My mom asked.

"It was great; the Hancock's were really nice to me!" I began telling them about their condo, the skiing, and most everything else. I did leave out the hair stuff, I didn't think they would completely freak out, but I didn't want to take a chance. I then told her that Amy had invited me to work on homework after school tomorrow at her house.

I talked for quite a while before they let me go to my room. I played with some Legos for a while before deciding to read a book. When I looked for a book to read I decided to read an old Nancy Drew book that I had. I quickly became immersed in the book, and other than taking a break to practice, the rest of the day passed quickly.
 
 
Chapter 9
 
 
THE NEXT DAY school went decently, except for one thing… Homework! Amy and I had first period together, and Mr. Krantz decided that this was the week to do two things. One, we had a paper due Friday based off a lab we did that day dissecting a frog. The second was a major test on Friday that was supposed to be a 'practice final exam.' We still had two months till the end of the year, why were we taking a 'practice final?'

Amy and I complained about both of those things to each other over lunch. Nikki sat down at our table and said, "Hey you guys have the same shirt on!" I blushed a bit.

"I'm surprised no one said anything before now." Amy commented. "Brandon went with my family up to go skiing this weekend."

"It was a lot of fun," I added.

"That's cool. We got back from Denver last night…" She continued on, and it was clear that it wasn't a big deal to her that we were wearing the same shirt. I was somewhat relieved; it was a unisex shirt, but still… Anyway I got through the rest of the day without being picked on at all. I was a little surprised by that, and the absence of trouble made me a bit nervous. However, as they say, 'don't look a gift horse in the mouth.'
 
 
After school I met up with Amy and rode her bus to her house. I showed a note to the driver when I got on and she let me on without a problem. I sat next to Amy and we chatted all the way to her house. "So you guys have your band competition soon?" She asked me.

"Yeah it's in about three weeks. Mrs. Remar is completely going psycho about it. Just today a kid didn't know his part so she told him to put up his stuff. I mean, it was just one note… I just hope I don't screw up in front of her these next few weeks. I don't want to lose my first chair."

"Are you doing soccer this season?" She asked me.

"No, my good coach is leaving and the new guy is the old assistant. In a word he's a jerk. I went to two practices before deciding it wasn't worth it. How about you? Are you doing anything this year?" We pulled up to her bus stop and started walking towards her house.

"I'm thinking about trying out for the cheerleading squad this month. I've always wanted to be a cheerleader - I just hope I'm good enough to make it." She said.

"I'm sure you'll make it Amy, out of any of the girls you're the most likely to. You've done so many things like gymnastics and dance I can't see you not getting onto the squad!" Amy had done both of those activities since she was two. Her gymnastics coach had been trying to get her to go to some of the Olympic trials, but she said 'no' to that. She liked doing it, but didn't want to compete at that level - she just wanted to have fun doing it.

"I hope you're right Brandon, it would be so much fun I think." We reached her house and went inside.

"Well, shall we start on this stupid assignment that Mr. Krantz gave us?" She asked.

"Yeah… I guess. I can't believe he wants us to do all of this the week after spring break, why couldn't he have given us at least a day without homework?!"

"I agree, but I don't think we could get anywhere arguing with him. Here, let's go work in my playroom. I have a table in there we can work around." She said as we topped her stairs and went into a room I hadn't seen before.

"Okay." I replied as we entered into one of the most girly rooms I had ever been in. The room was painted in pink and purple, and I guessed must have been her nursery when she was a baby? There were Barbie dolls, baby dolls, stuffed animals, and basically every toy that a girl her age could have wanted from age five to twelve. "You weren't kidding when you said you had a lot of toys." I said to her.

"Nope, I'm definitely a spoiled brat," she replied with a giggle. "Here, help me get this table out," she pointed to a fold up card table against the wall. We got it set up and grabbed a couple chairs from against the wall.

"Okay, he wants us to write a 'narrative' about the dissection first." She said and we began working on it. We both worked hard on the project and within about two hours we had most of it done.

Her parents had come home by that point and invited me to dinner, but I had to turn them down tonight. "We're having dinner with some family friends tonight. I'd love to take you guys up on your offer another time though." I said as I gathered up my stuff.

"Brandon, why don't you come over tomorrow and we'll finish up this project and work on studying for the test?" Amy asked.

"Okay, that sounds good." I said as I went out the door to where my mom was parked on the road. She waved at Amy and her parents and we went off to dinner with our friends. I had a good time at dinner that night and we had a great meal.

That night I made sure that I practiced so I could avoid the wrath of Mrs. Remar. By the time I went to bed I was definitely ready. That night, all I could think about when I tried to go to sleep was Amy's wonderful room, and how great it would be to be able to play with her and her toys.
 
 
BY THE END of the week I had been over at Amy's house a couple of more times, and we both made it through Mr. Krantz's test and assignment with better than a one-hundred percent. He kind of gave us both a funny look when he handed them back the following week. "Amy, Brandon, can you two stay for a moment please." He said as everyone filed out of the room.

"Sure," Amy and I said.

When everyone had left the room he asked, "Did you two copy the assignment from each other?"

"No, we worked at the same time at my house, but we didn't cheat or anything if that's what you're suggesting." Amy asserted. I wasn't so sure it was a good idea to be that in his face though.

"That's fine, I don't mind that you two worked together on it at all. If anything I was going to say you two should do that kind of thing more often. I think it helped out on your tests as well. You were the only two that got A's on both the assignment and the test. Anyway let me write a pass out for each of you so you're not late to your next class."

He wrote it out and we both looked at each other trying to figure out what that was about. As we left I said, "I thought he was going to accuse us of cheating or something."

"I did too, but my parents would have been all over him in a heartbeat. That's why I said something to him first; I figured he must know my parents wouldn't put up with that crap. I don't think either of us will have any problems from him though. I think he genuinely likes both of us more than any of the other students." She giggled for a second.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing, I was just thinking about how people give us a hard time about being 'teacher's pets' sometimes. The truth of the matter is that we end up getting way more help from them than they do because of it. I don't know, it's kind of funny." She laughed some more as we split up and went to our separate classes.
 
 
That day we had a playing test in band to see if we would be allowed to go on the trip that was coming up. If anyone scored less than an 80% they wouldn't be allowed to go. I was really nervous about it, but when I asked her my grade afterwards she told me I had received a perfect score. That was reassuring.

In choir we just goofed around that day since Mrs. Schultz was gone. Amy and I talked pretty much non-stop during that class period since we didn't really want to watch the movie that was put on. The sub looked at us like she was annoyed, but held back from saying something for one reason or another.

Towards the end of class Amy asked, "Hey Brandon, do you want to go see a movie this weekend?"

"What movie?"

"Nikki and I were thinking A Goofy Movie. It's probably going to be really dumb, but it seems like something to do. If nothing else it's something to do."

"Who else is going to go?"

"Maybe Ashley, other than that I don't think anyone else. So what do you think?"

I thought for a second, "It sounds like fun, let me double check with my parents and I'll call you later?" I wasn't going over to her house today because she had gymnastics practice.

"Okay, I'll be home around seven, call me then."

"Okay." I told her.
 
 
By the time I got through the end of the day I was glad to be going home. When I got there I looked on the internet for stuff and just kind of chilled for the rest of the night.

I did ask my parents for permission to go see the movie this weekend and they agreed. I called Amy and let her know that I could go. She told me it looked like it was going to just be Nikki, her, and I since Ashley couldn't go. I said that was fine, and we made plans on Friday during school on when we were meeting at the movie theater.

Saturday at 11:00am Mom dropped me off at the movie theater where Amy and Nikki were already waiting.

"Hey," I said as I walked up to them. They both said 'hi' back and we walked to the ticket line.

"What movie, Miss?" The guy asked me.

I just shrugged the mistaken identity off with a smile (It did make me happy), and said, "One for A Goofy Movie."

Amy and Nikki bought their tickets behind me and came up to me giggling a minute later. "Brandon, I can't believe how often that's been happening to you recently!" Amy said.

"Often?" Nikki asked.

"When we were skiing a couple weeks ago everyone seemed to say that," I told her. I was blushing pretty heavily.

"Don't worry about it Brandon," Amy said.

"And definitely don't cut your hair," Nikki said.

"I agree," Amy said.

"Umm... thanks." I replied as we got into the snack bar line.

"So Brandon, how much money do you have left?" Amy asked.

"Umm... I have four dollars left. It looks like just enough to get a coke, but not much else."

"Not necessarily, Nikki how much do you have?" Amy asked.

"I've got five, you?"

"I've got six-fifty left. If we pitch in the extra beyond the three dollars for a drink we'd have just enough to get a large bag of popcorn and nachos that we could split. Wanna do that?" She asked.

"Sure," I said, Nikki nodded too.

We got up to the counter and the guy asked, "What can I get for you ladies?"

I caught a smirk on Nikki's face and wanted to strangle her, but just answered, "Three Cokes, a large popcorn, and a thing of nachos please." I wondered if he would figure out I was a boy at this point.

"Sure thing Miss." He replied and began getting our order together.
 
 
As we stood there I heard a voice that I had thankfully not heard for a long while at this point. It was Matt. I quickly looked around and saw that he was in line, two lines over. I had heard his parents had sent him out of town to go live at a relative's house in Arizona, what was he doing back? If he saw me what would he do? I looked again and didn't recognize any of the other guys with him. They all looked like thugs just like him though.

I whispered to Amy, "Amy… Matt's back there, what should I do? I can't imagine he would be too happy to see me."

"Relax, the guy is bringing our popcorn back right now and we'll go in the movie theater. I'm sure he's not going to see the same movie as us. He'll probably go see Bad Boys, he's 'too cool' to go see a kids movie."

Our stuff came over and we booked it to the theater and took our seats. Nikki looked over at me and said, "Brandon, you look like you've seen a ghost!"

"I kind of have," I replied and explained about Matt.

"Don't worry about him. He wouldn't dare do anything in a public place like this. The cops would be called and he'll go to prison for certain this time." Nikki said.

I hoped they were right. I honestly had a sinking suspicion that I was not going to get as lucky as Amy and Nikki thought. Thankfully the movie previews started a short while later and I began to enjoy myself as we munched on the nachos and popcorn. About half-way through the movie I really needed to go to the bathroom. I was kind of scared to go out there by myself though.

What if Matt was in the bathroom too? I decided I couldn't wait till the end of the movie though and got up to go. Amy whispered to me, "Wait a second, I'll come with you."

I felt a little bit better instantly and we went over to the restrooms. I went in really quick, went, and got back out. Amy got out a second later and we headed back to the theater. I thought, 'good, we're home free!'

"Hey Amy! Where's your little sissy friend Brandon?" I knew in a second it was Matt's voice again, and cursed my decision to think the positive thoughts I had just been thinking. I had totally doomed myself!

Amy motioned to me to keep walking. It was worth a try and I hoped it would work until I saw a hand reach out for Amy's shoulder. I tried to warn her but she apparently didn't need it. The next thing I knew was that she had ducked under the grasp and we were still somehow walking forward.

"Amy I just want to talk to you and your friend here." Matt said as he ran ahead of us suddenly. "Maybe if you won't go out with me she will." I just about dropped dead at that moment. Matt thought I was a girl and didn't recognize me?
 
 
We both turned back around and started heading for the main area. "Matt we don't want to talk to you." Amy said fairly angrily. We had reached the area where a ticket taker was taking tickets from several people when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Why don't we let her tell me that?" He said rudely.

He spun me around to look at him. I angrily yelled at him, "Get lost already!"

"No, not until you both learn your places, which is to go out with me."

"Look, it's not going to happen." Amy said. "If you don't stop bothering us we're going to go call the cops."

"You think the cops scare me Amy? I'm going to get you one way or another. If I have to, I'll wait for you after the movie when you go outside." Matt sneered.

"Matt you're a real dumb-ass you know it?" I said, surprising myself - my language hadn't reached anywhere near that 'extreme' recently. "Leave us alone." I said and we started to head off again toward the main lobby where we thought we'd have a better chance of being safe.

"Wait a second, Brandon?!?!" Matt bellowed. My outburst had been enough for him to finally recognize me. "Come here, so I can teach you the lesson you deserve for getting me kicked out of school!"

Amy and I tried to move faster but I felt the hand shove me on my back too soon. I managed to roll when I fell and got back on my feet a second later. I looked up just in time to see Matt sending a fist my way, tried to duck while flinching, and was pleasantly surprised to find that I wasn't in pain. I looked up to see a guy gripping Matt's hand firmly in his palm.

"Sir, you need to calm down. I'm a police officer and you need to leave this establishment right now."

"You're going to stand up for those two?" Matt said incredulously and began struggling to get loose from his grip. I suddenly thought my earlier sworn comment couldn't have been any truer. Not only was he a jerk, but he was dumb to boot! Sure enough in about the blink of an eye he was on the ground with the officer holding him down.

"Ladies, I'm terribly sorry this gentleman lacks any real manners. He'll get a chance to learn some here in a bit though I think. Go ahead and go see the rest of your movie. I shouldn't need a statement from either of you since I witnessed his attempted assault." He said.

"Umm... officer thanks, we appreciate it." Amy replied. And we began heading back to the theater. The movie was most of the way over now, but that was okay Amy and I agreed later, it wasn't that good of a movie.
 
 
We left after the film and told Nikki what had happened as we headed out to the parking lot to wait for our parents. My mom was waiting outside and came over to talk to us. "So how was it?"

I debated about not telling her about the incident but decided that I was better off telling her. I relayed all that had happened and she decided to call the police department and let them know that there had been a restraining order in place. They had just been getting ready to release him at that point but decided to hold him now that they knew he violated a restraining order.

After determining that was a violation of his probation they ended up sentencing him back to six months in the state's juvenile facility. Of course I didn't know all of this till the hearing in May, but I'm happy to say this was to be the last incident with Matt I would ever deal with.

I did spend a decent amount of time thinking that night about how he hadn't recognized me immediately. Who would have thought I could come that close to fooling someone who had known who I was by looks that well? I kept wondering if it was possible for me to really be a girl. I mean I knew that I didn't have the right parts, but it was possible to get them to be like the right parts right? I didn't sleep for a long time that night…
 
 
Chapter 10
 
 
The next week-and-a-half passed by quickly, and the next thing I knew we were showing up at the school at 7am Thursday morning to travel to another school in Albuquerque for our band competition. We were supposed to warm up at 8:45, so we were leaving early enough to get there. Mrs. Remar said it would take about forty-five minutes to get to the host school. I got on the bus and sat down next to Nikki.

We were all dressed identically, both the guys and girls, when we got on the bus. Everyone had on black slacks, white button up shirt, black bow tie, and a dark blue vest. A couple students had complained about the uniform, but everyone was wearing it since Mrs. Remar wouldn't let you go if you didn't. And, when someone made the mistake of saying they didn't care, everyone learned that if you didn't go you had to do a huge research paper to make up the grade. There weren't any complaints after that!

We were all fairly excited when we got on the bus, but within about twenty minutes the bus had quieted down a lot. Nikki and I kind of dozed off only to be woken up by Mrs. Remar standing up at the front of the bus.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we're getting close to the school where we're going to perform. There are a few things that we need to take care of before we get there though. When we get off of the bus everyone must have their shirt tucked in and their bow ties on. No one will get off the bus until I tell you to do so though." She said sternly.

"Anyone that has long hair will need to put their hair up into a ponytail with some of this ribbon," she was holding up a roll of thick blue ribbon, "before we get there. I know that some of you ladies have already done your hair into other styles, but I want everyone to have their hair the same for longer hair. Any questions?"

She seemed to be looking at me as if I was going to put up a fight about my hair. I looked back respectfully and she said, "Then I will come down the bus with the ribbon, please help each other get your hair the way it should be. Thanks."

Did this apply to me I wondered. Nikki answered that for me, "Brandon can I do your hair?"

I was kind of flabbergasted. I was going to get to have my hair the same way as the girls and not get in trouble for it. I couldn't believe this was happening again to me.

"Umm… I guess if I have to?"

I put on kind of an annoyed face for show as Mrs. Remar handed me a piece of ribbon. She handed one to Nikki too. "This needs to be tied into a bow around your ponytail. Nikki, if you can do Brandon's hair, and maybe Jessica can do yours."

"Okay Mrs. Remar," Nikki said.

When she had walked back a few seats Nikki giggled a bit. "I've wanted to see you with your hair in a ponytail for a while now! This'll be fun. Do you have a hair brush?"

"Yes," I replied.

"Then get it out and turn around." She ordered. I grabbed it from my backpack and turned around so she could do my hair. Several of the girls that were nearby all started to help Nikki fuss with my hair. Before I knew it I could feel that sensation of my hair being held up in the air by something.

"Here," Jessica said as she handed me a mirror. I looked at myself and couldn't tell the difference between me and the girls on the bus. The best thing was that it wasn't even my own idea! They had even tied it up really high in a girl's style. Could life get any better?

"You look cute." Nikki said.

"Umm… Thanks." I replied.

The girls did Nikki's hair, and then they started pressuring me a bit. "Brandon, you have to let us play with your hair on the way back home!" Jessica said.

Nikki said, "Yes… Please!" She said with a 'puppy dog' expression that the little bit of guy left in me couldn't resist.

"Alright… I guess… But you can't let anyone give me a hard time about this, alright?"

They all nodded and agreed that they would make anyone who picked on me pay dearly for their fun. As I sat there quietly for the last few minutes before we arrived I was thinking about what to do about the bathroom situation. I looked more like a girl than a boy right now. Going into the boy's bathroom could be rather dangerous.
 
 
I decided I didn't really have a choice though, and decided that if I went in with some other boys from our band I might be okay. When I looked around the bus I did realize that there was one other boy with long hair (longer than mine) that also had his hair tied up now, although his was tied much lower in a masculine style. Maybe I could be okay though?

I didn't really have much time to ponder any of that when we got there. She let us have a quick three minute trip to the bathroom. I made sure that I was in and out before any of the boys from other schools even had a chance to think about a girl going in the boy's room. Then we had to get our instruments out. Once we had our instruments out of the cases we all lined up to go inside the warm-up room.

Mrs. Remar smiled at me when she saw me, she whispered in my ear, "Brandon you look cute." She then gave me a wink. That kind of surprised me, was she really human? I'd always assumed she was some sort of alien cyborg!

We walked to the warm-up room together, and after playing for what seemed like ten seconds we were escorted over to the stage. I think we all were pretty nervous, but we played really well! The performance ended and we walked over to another room that was set up for us to 'sight-read.' For this part of the contest we had to play a piece that we had never seen before - ever!
 
 
I can't say that it was a performance to mark the calendars with, but we managed to stay together to the end, and for the most part there was a melody… From there we went to another area where we took a group picture and were given the option to purchase the photograph. My Mom, who had driven the other bus that had the top group of the middle school band in it, appeared at that point. She looked around for a second before she saw where I was standing within the group of girls I was talking to.

"Brandon do you want a picture?"

"Yes, if we can." I replied. I suddenly remembered my hair, which would be in the picture!

"That should be fine," she filled out the paperwork and walked with me back to the bus.

"Nice job sweetie, you guys played really well!" She gave me a sideways hug at that point. Then she looked around to make sure no one else was around, "I like your hair this way, it's cute!" She gave me a wink and batted the back of my hair like a cat would a toy.

"Well don't mess it up!" I said in a playful whining voice. We both laughed a little and then I separated from her to go meet up with Nikki. Once we put our stuff up we were called into a circle by Mrs. Remar.

"First of all I want to tell you all how proud I am of the way you played - you did a really great job! I just got the scores back from the judges. We received Superior Ratings from every judge in our performance, and the judge in sight-reading!"

We all cheered and Nikki and I gave each other a hug. "We can't leave until I get done with the Advanced Band in about another two hours. Once we get done with them we'll go to a mall for a bit so you can get something to eat and shop a little. Until then, you are to find a seat in the auditorium and stay there. You will be a polite audience…" Lots and lots of rules… "Once the advanced band performs there will be one more band for you to listen to. When that band finishes come back out here to the bus, okay?"

We all nodded. "Okay, go have a seat. Stop by the bathroom if you need to on your way in. Remember, stay in at least pairs!"

We walked into the auditorium via a bathroom and watched the rest of the performances, until it was time to leave. The Advanced Band had been good, but I didn't know if they would get a superior too or not. I figured they were being judged a lot harder than we were.

After the last group we were supposed to listen to we stood up and went out to the buses to go to the mall. I was kind of looking forward to hanging out with Nikki and the others at the mall - 'who knows what the girls might drag me into!' I thought.
 
 
WHEN WE ARRIVED at the mall Mrs. Remar stood up to speak to us again, "If you want to you may take your vests and bow ties off. But, your shirts must stay tucked in, and you must remain in these concert clothes. Right now my watch says it's 12:15. You may eat, shop, or both as long as you are back here by 1:15pm. The bus will pull out then. Do not be late! Also stay in groups of at least two or more at all times. If I come by and find you alone you will be staying with me the rest of the trip. Again Congratulations! You are the first ever Sixth Grade Band from our junior high to receive Superior ratings at this contest!"

We all kind of gave a holler and began getting off the bus. Nikki, Jessica, and I decided to go get something to eat first. I looked around the food court and chose to eat at a pizza place called Sbarro. I'd had their stuffed pizza before and always enjoyed it. After I got my pizza I met up with Nikki and Jessica at a table to eat our food.

"So Brandon, are you going to take out the ribbon?" Nikki asked.

I noticed she still had hers in though, "Yours is still in. Do you think I should?"

"Well, I'm afraid Mrs. Remar might get mad if I take it out now since she didn't say we could." She said.

"Well then I guess I'll keep mine in then too…" I said.

We talked about different things for a while. When we finished eating I noticed that we still had thirty minutes left. "What do you guys want to do now?" I asked.

"Well, first the bathroom, then why don't we go to the toy store?" Jessica suggested.

"The toy store?" I asked.

"Yeah, I want to buy some cards or something to play while we go home. Does that work for you guys?"

"Sure," Nikki said.

"Why not?" I replied.

We went over to the restrooms and I ran in and out quickly again before meeting them outside the bathroom a few minutes later. We walked down to the toy store and browsed inside. There were several games for my game boy that I looked at, as well as some new Lego kits they had on sale. I stayed with them through the store though, so of course we ended up walking through the Barbie section.

Nikki and Jessica talked about having this one or that one, and how cute this one was, etc. Jessica ended up buying the deck of cards she wanted and we started walking back down towards the buses. Across from the toy store we noticed a photo booth and decided to go get our pictures taken.

We did the usual photo booth thing and each took a couple of the photographs. We then tried to start moving back to the buses.

On the way back I saw something that hadn't been there the last time I was in this mall. It was called 'Dippin Dots,' and claimed to be the ice cream of the future. I was immediately curious and went over to the place.

I looked at it and asked, "What is this?"

The lady behind the counter said, "It's ice cream that's flash frozen in liquid nitrogen. It's really good, if you haven't tried it before you should."

Nikki said, "I tried this last time I was here, I love it. We should all get some!"

"Okay, it sounds interesting. I'd like a medium strawberry please." I said.

"Coming right up Miss." I almost rolled my eyes. But, I really couldn't blame her since I was with two girls with identical hair and clothes basically… "Here you go," she said over the giggles behind me.

Nikki and Jessica both got their ice cream too and we continued back to the bus. The first bite I took of the ice cream I was hooked! It was great, what a neat idea for ice cream! I was still eating it when we got back to the bus and Mrs. Remar looked at me and asked, "Where's mine?"

"Back there?" I suggested.

"Next time you have to get some for me too." She said. I couldn't tell if she was serious or not. But then a second later she cracked a smile and I could tell that she was only half serious. "Go ahead and get on the bus." She said to me.
 
 
I got on the bus and found my seat. When everyone was on we left to go back to our hometown with a set of superior ratings! I was sitting quietly when Jessica said, "Brandon, you know how you said you'd let us play with your hair on the way back?"

"Umm… yeah…"

"Well, we're on the way back now!"

Before I knew it they had me in the aisle seat and three girls, Jessica, Nikki, and Ashley were all playing with my hair. They tried braiding it first, but it wasn't long enough to do any really long braids so they took it out. After about fifteen hairstyles and stuff being put in and out of my hair I ended up in pigtails again. They used the ribbons from mine and Nikki's hair to tie each side up.

"There, all done," Ashley said.

"How cute," Nikki said.

"Time to take some pictures," Jessica said.

"What… no pictures," I tried to say but they took like six before I could even begin to resist.

"We should all put our hair up like that and take some more pictures!" Ashley exclaimed.

"Yeah, that's a good idea, Jessica go steal a few more ribbons, we'll need 4 more to do it." Nikki said.

Ten minutes later and the three of them had their hair the same way. There were actually three other girls that did it too after seeing them having so much fun with me. One of the sponsors used Jessica's camera and took pictures of the seven of us like that. Mrs. Remar came back and got into the picture for a couple of them too. During the last photo we held up the two plaques that we had earned that day.

"Jessica, you need to get me copies of those so I can put them in the band scrapbook," Mrs. Remar said.

"Okay, I'll have my mom get them developed this weekend and bring them Monday!" Jessica said with far too much enthusiasm for me at that moment. That would mean other kids at school would see me like this. I didn't care as much with the band kids, but how would the other kids react?
 
 

Before I had too much time to worry about it we arrived back at the school. School was over when we returned, but instead of getting a ride directly home like every other kid I was going to have to ride my Mom's bus back to the bus yard. Once everything was unloaded the two of us left.

"Wow, your hair is certainly cute right now sweetheart." Mom said.

Crap… I forgot to take it out! "Umm... thanks. The girls got bored and started messing around with it. I'll take them out now," I said as I started to reach up for them.

She stopped my hand though and said, "No, leave them in for now. I think your dad would be amused by them."

"Are you sure he won't pop a gasket?" I asked.

"Yes I'm sure, he'll be fine with it." She said.

I wasn't so sure, and for the remainder of the drive to the bus yard and to home I was completely nervous. What would he say? I would be so much better off taking them out. We got home and I walked through the door. My dad saw me, saying "Well that's different. I guess the girls had some fun with you today?"

"Something like that."

"Well, in all honesty if I didn't know you were my son I'd think your mom traded you in and brought back a daughter in your place. I've sometimes wondered if she'd ever do that since she wanted to have a girl so much." He joked. 'Really?' I wondered to myself.

I laughed politely, and as soon as I finished telling him about my day excused myself to go take a shower. I decided just to change into my pajamas since they were more comfortable than anything else. I was pretty sure that we weren't going anywhere else that day anyway. After all of that I decided to call Amy and tell her about my day - I was really excited that we had received the ratings we had.

We talked on the phone for about fifteen minutes before her mom started yelling at her to get off the phone, so we made plans for me to go over to her house tomorrow after school. I told my parents about it and they said okay.

Dad picked up some fast food for us to eat for dinner that night. The rest of the night I just found myself just vegging out. I went to bed with a little more comfort in my desire to be a girl. After all, my parents hadn't completely freaked out when their son came home looking like a daughter!
 
 
Chapter 11
 
 
The next day I was really tired from the day before, but I was still really excited that we had done so well at contest. In the morning announcements the principal congratulated us on our fine performance at the contest. For the most part that day ended up absolutely flying by, and before I knew it I was riding the bus home with Amy. When we got to her stop she told me, "First person to the door chooses what we do!" and she took off.

To my credit I made it only a half second after her, even if it wasn't fair, I still lost. I grumbled a little bit to myself. As she opened the door and we went inside I asked, "So what are we doing today?"

"Come upstairs with me." She led me upstairs to her playroom. When we got up there she started getting a whole bunch of Barbies out and putting them in the center of the room. She pushed a gigantic doll house to the center of the room too.

"We're going to play Barbie's today! I haven't been able to play with them much in the past couple months - so that's what we're doing. Unless…" She paused, "you've got a really big problem with it?"

"Umm… I guess not, but I don't exactly know what you're supposed to do with them. It's not like I've ever played with dolls before." I replied timidly. I was absolutely trembling. I had wanted to play Barbies with her for so long now, and I was finally going to get a chance!

"That's okay, I'll teach you!" She said. "First things first, names…" She proceeded to tell me the names of several dozen dolls before saying. "Okay, now why don't we play with these ones today… and we need to change their clothes so help me out here…"

She continued to explain the intricacies of how to play with them for a while, and by the end of about two hours I'd had a blast. It was everything I had hoped it would be. I had a ton of fun that day! At the end Amy said, "You know Brandon you're more fun to play with than most of my friends."

"Thanks Amy, I had a lot of fun too." We were cleaning up her Barbies and putting them back in their places. She had promised me we would keep this from her parents for now. We had put a movie in the TV in the room where we were playing.

"So do you want to do it again sometime?" Amy asked me.

"Sure, why not?" I replied with a smile. When we were done putting everything up, we set up some bean bag chairs and continued watching the movie. A few minutes later we heard her mom coming upstairs.

"Hey Amy, Brandon, how did your day go?"

"Good Mrs. Hancock," I replied.

"It was good Mom," Amy said.

"Amy said that congratulations are in order for yesterday?" Mrs. Hancock inquired.

"Yeah, it went really well. We got the highest rating you could get. I guess we're the first sixth grade band at our school to ever do that!"

"Well congratulations. Listen, Brandon, I talked to your parents and they're going to meet us for dinner. Why don't both of you go put your shoes on, and wash up, so we can go."

"Cool," Amy said.

"Okay, that sounds like fun." I replied. We both put our shoes on and got ready. A few minutes later we piled into their SUV.

"Where's Dad?" Amy asked.

"He had to work a little late so he's just going to meet us there."

"Okay." Amy answered.
 
 
We drove to the better of the two local Mexican restaurants, meeting my parents at the door. A few minutes later Mr. Hancock joined us too.

"Brandon how was your day?" My mom asked.

"It was alright, I'm tired from yesterday though." I said.

"It was a long day…" She continued talking and asking me stuff but my ears were more on what my dad was saying to Mr. Hancock.

"I wanted to thank you again for taking Brandon with you on that trip. That was nice of you guys to take him!"

"No problem, it was our pleasure. The two of them seem to be joined at the hip anymore, and that's fine with us…"

"Hey Brandon, you want to hang out tomorrow?"

"Umm… Mom can I?" I asked.

"Yes, but don't forget you need to be selling candy bars for the trip too this weekend." Mom said.

"Why don't they do both?" Mrs. Hancock suggested. "They can walk around the neighborhoods between our house and yours going door to door. I'll follow in the car to keep an eye on them. You'd be welcome to come too if you want."

"That sounds like a great idea! Do you two want to do that?" Mom asked Amy and I.

"Sure Mom," I said nodding. Amy also nodded her approval. I knew we would have a lot more fun selling candy together!
 
 
Our food arrived right about then, and we all became more focused on food for a bit. I deeply enjoyed my Chile Relleno plate. There's nothing like New Mexican Green Chile! For those of you not from the promised land of New Mexico, a Chile Relleno here is a roasted New Mexican Green Chile Pepper stuffed with a white cheese, breaded and deep fried, then covered with more cheese (usually cheddar or Colby-jack) and plenty of Green Chile sauce! It really is some of the best food in the whole world…

After we finished our meal my dad picked up the check. "Here let us get that," Mr. Hancock said.

"No, you guys took Brandon on that ski trip, we'll get this."

"Well thank you," Mr. Hancock said.

I always hated moments like that, they're always so awkward! In the meantime my mom was talking to Amy's Mom. "So we'll come by at one?" She suggested.

"Sure, that sounds good."

We all stood up and headed for the door. "Well thank you for dinner," Mr. Hancock said at the door, "we'll have to do this again more often."

"Well we'll all be together on the trip next month so we should get some opportunities then." My mom said.

"Yes, I think it's going to be a great trip for all of the kids." Mrs. Hancock said.

"Yeah! We're really excited," Amy chimed in for us.

"Well, let's get going, good night guys!" Mr. Hancock said.

"Goodnight," I said to them and we got into our separate cars and drove home.

On our way home we stopped and rented some videos. We all just kind of vegged in front of the TV that night before going to bed. 'Wow, what a great day I'd had! How many times do you get to play with Barbies for the first time?' I thought to myself as I tried sleeping.
 
 
THE NEXT MORNING I woke up feeling really good and excited for the day. I had three boxes of candy to sell, with thirty bars in each. Everything I sold that day was going to all go into my own pocket for money to spend on the trip. Through other fund raising, and the amounts my parents were willing and able to spend, I had paid off my trip. I also already had about a-hundred-and-forty dollars in my account for spending money. At a dollar of profit per candy bar, I would be able to have ninety more dollars if I sold them all.

Amy had told me already that any of the money she raised went to her own spending account; I think she had about a-hundred-and-fifty in her account at this point. She was hoping for a similar sales spree today. This was our last fundraiser so… if I wanted to be able to buy anything really cool I'd have to keep raising the money!

We got in the car and put my candy in the trunk. Each box had our names on it so it would be easy to keep track of whose was whose. It was a really windy day that day, but it was still pretty warm. I had on shorts and a school t-shirt. When we got to Amy's house we went in for a moment and I saw that she was dressed like me. The only thing really different with our outfits, were our sandals. We got away from her house pretty quick and began walking down her street.

We walked up to the first door together and Amy took her first sale. We alternated who was the one selling, every other door. After that block we had both come out pretty evenly, each of us managing to sell one box. We got into my Mom's car and found that she and Mrs. Hancock were getting along very well. 'Perhaps too well…' I thought. We moved onto the next block and began all over again.

My hair was once again beginning to show that one little thing that made it annoying… it and the wind did not get along so well. My hair kept getting blown into my eyes and face. When we finished that block Amy offered a black hair tie to me, which I used without thinking much about it. I was impressed with myself, since I managed to put my hair in a decent ponytail without any help.

"Cute," my mom said. "If you keep growing it out I might have to have some fun with your hair myself. It seems like everyone except me has gotten to play with it!" she joked. I knew instantly that Mrs. Hancock had told her about my pigtails on the ski trip…. I got really nervous.

Thankfully I didn't have to respond as we reached our next block and the two of us started going to doors again. It was kind of funny - I could be wrong - but I think I sold at a higher rate after my hair went into the ponytail. Amy seemed to notice too. As we walked between houses she told me, "Brandon, you know if we put you in some of my clothes I think you could sell twice as much as you are. I think that when you put your hair in that ponytail they began thinking you were a girl." She giggled a bit and I joined in.
 
 
Within another hour we had all of our candy sold, and we each had an additional ninety-dollars to put into our accounts. "Do you two want ice cream?" Mrs. Hancock asked.

"Yes!" We replied in unison. I'd been noticing we were doing a lot of that recently, it was really cool. It kind of reminded me of some of the characters in the books I read when I was younger.

"Okay, let's go to Dairy Queen then." She said. Mom started driving down that direction while Amy and I jabbered along in the back seat. Selling the candy bars seemed to bring a new immediacy of the trip to mind.

"So tell me about Disney World," I had said to Amy.

She told me about all sorts of things there. "You'll love Epcot Center, especially all of the countries that are there."

"Countries?"

"There are a bunch of countries that have 'embassies' set up at the park in one area. They have restaurants, shops, and rides that are all themed on the country. You can even get a park passport and get it stamped at each of the different places."

"That sounds neat, we should do that." I said to her.

She went on about a bunch of other things that you could do as we reached Dairy Queen. We each ordered an ice cream cone and sat outside to eat them. I think everyone, including our Mom's had a lot of fun today.

"Well, what are we doing now?" I asked.

"Well, if you want to go hang out with Amy and her family tonight that's fine. I'll come pick you up at nine?" She suggested.

I glanced at Amy and she nodded vigorously. "Okay," I replied.
 
 
Mom dropped the three of us off at Amy's house with a promise that she would hang out at our house on Friday.

"So what are we going to do?" I asked Amy when we got inside.

Her mom answered before she could though, "Well, in about an hour I'm going to go get some Chinese food for dinner. Then I thought we could all sit down and watch a movie in our living room?"

"That sounds good Mom," Amy said.

"Until then?" I asked.

"We go up and play or something. Let's go," she said and dragged me upstairs. Her mom smiled behind us.

We went upstairs and she closed the door. "Barbies?"

"But what if your mom catches us?" I asked.

"She won't care. Besides, this is just another one of my harebrained schemes!" She said, giggling a bit.

So we went ahead and began playing. We played for about fifty minutes and were putting things away when her mom peeked her head in to check on us. "Barbies?" Her mom asked.

"I decided Brandon needed to be inducted into my way of playing!" She said.

"Well, okay, as long as Brandon doesn't mind." She hedged.

"It's okay Mrs. Hancock, we're always doing things I want to do. It only seemed fair to do something she wanted to do." I replied.

"Okay then. I'm going to go pick up the food, I'll be back in about ten minutes." She said as she closed the door.

"Amy, I can't believe your mom didn't say anything more." I told her.

"Why would she? I play with Barbies all of the time - she actually asked me once, teasingly, if I'd made you play with them yet!" She giggled a bit.

I was torn in my emotions on what to think of this but decided to giggle as well. "Well let's finish putting stuff up," I told her.
 
 
After we did so we washed our hands and headed downstairs just before she opened the door with food. She sat the food on a bar that was in the middle of their kitchen and we dished up the food that we wanted. It was great. I guess you've realized by now I'll eat almost any kind of food. I do draw the line with mayonnaise, sour cream, and salad though… those items make me sick!

We sat down at their dinner table and ate until we were full. "So are you guys ready to watch a movie?" Her dad asked.

"Sure, what are we going to watch Daddy?" Amy asked.

"Well I just bought a new movie today it's called Stargate. Several of my clients have said it's really good."

"Okay… that sounds okay then," Amy replied.

It sounded like a good science fiction film to me - and as someone that liked Star Trek and Star Wars, I didn't think you could go wrong there. "Sounds interesting," I added.

We sat down in their living room and put the movie in. Amy and I sat on one couch while her parents each sat in a chair on either side. I don't know about Amy, but I loved the movie. It was great! That may not have been the most girly movie to like… but I loved it nonetheless.

My mom rang the doorbell shortly after the movie was done and I left with her to go home. I said thank you to the Hancocks and told Amy I'd talk to her tomorrow or see her on Monday. On the way home Mom said, "Why didn't you tell me that I'd missed an opportunity to see you in pigtails already?"

"I don't know… I thought maybe you would get mad?" I replied.

"Of course not, laughed a bit, but not gotten mad. Look I'm really not surprised to hear that happened, especially with you hanging around Amy so much."

I was in shock! I had honestly thought I would have gotten in trouble for all of this… Why I don't know, but I did. "Mom, while we're on the subject, could you pick up some of these pony tail holders like this?" I said pointing to my hair. Why not try?

"Sure sweetie, I'll pick some up at Wal-Mart tomorrow. I probably should have gotten some for you sooner."

"Thanks!" I said.
 
 
We got home shortly after nine that night. I wasn't quite ready to go to bed so I just read a book in my room until my mom told me I had to go to turn out the light. I couldn't believe how accepting everyone had been about everything that day… I mean it wasn't really that many things. I had gotten so absolutely nervous about everything - to actually have people accept things that were bringing me closer to being like a girl really surprised me. I went to bed thinking that maybe my ultimate goal might not rub my parents the wrong way as much as I had thought it would.

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To Be Continued...

 
Synopsis

Brandon is a bright boy growing up near Albuquerque, New Mexico. He likes school, soccer, computer games, and playing in the school band. Small for his age and youngest in his class, his size has made him the target of every school bully for years. Each year the verbal and physical abuse increases, finally wearing him down to the point he doesn't know if he can continue. Just as he reaches the end of his rope, he is suddenly befriended by a classmate he least expected. As their friendship grows and deepens, Brandon learns the value of a best friend and finds himself moving down a road he never expected. Over the course of the school year, his friend helps him discover and cope with his feelings, hopes, dreams - and fears.

This is the story of a young person's unusual journey to stand up to the numerous obstacles that life has dealt him - and to become the person he believes himself to be. (Part 3 of 6)

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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

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The Legal Stuff: Standing Up to Life  © 2008 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2008 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
 
I began this trilogy of novels last year, first publishing this book at FictionMania and Story Site in March last year. Setting out to tell a story I felt I needed to tell, I was pleased that the readers of both sites seemed to enjoy the work. A couple months after I initially posted this book at FictionMania I met a dear friend Carla Ann who offered her services as an editor. With her help I began to go back and proof this book a few months ago for publishing at Lulu.com. More than anything I liked the idea of having a hardback edition of the book for myself, but I felt that perhaps others might enjoy a copy as well.

With that information in mind I am posting a standard copy of this here at BigCloset, and announcing that I have three versions available for purchasing through My Store (www.lulu.com/tiffanyshar) at Lulu.com. There are 6x9 hardback editions and paperback editions, as well as a high quality pdf version available for download. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it from my store. I hope to have it available through Amazon.com in a couple months as well, and will offer to have Erin sell it through her Amazon page at that time.

Thank you to all of you, my amazing readers, who have enjoyed this work in the past. You will discover that this new version is much more refined than what I initially posted a year ago. I hope you all enjoy this and my other novels. I hope to have the second book, Daring to Hope, also available in this form by mid-March, and the third book will hopefully be available this summer! I will make future announcements about Book Three through my Lulu storefront as well.

I will be posting this in six segments during this week. Please enjoy, and thanks for reading!

     -Tiffany Shar

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Chapter 12
 
 
MONDAY CAME FAR too quickly that weekend. Mom dropped off my candy money with Ms. Fitzgerald at the elementary school and discovered I actually had two-hundred-and-sixty dollars extra in my account. She said that a couple corporations had given some donations that had helped. I was ecstatic when she told me that night. I’d never, ever, had that much money to spend before!

On Tuesday I went over to Amy’s house and we played Barbies some more. She made a comment during that episode that if we kept playing with them she was going to have to get me my own dolls. I couldn’t tell her, but I could think of few things that I wanted more. I was so glad that we had become such good friends. Amy had really filled a void in my life since I had never really had any real friends, let alone one like her before. We had become so close now I was sure I wouldn’t know what to do without her.

Mom had commented on my necklace that Saturday night when she had brought me home. Somehow neither of my parents had ever noticed it before. Apparently Mrs. Hancock had told her about it while they were in the car, so she had asked me if she could see it. After looking at it she had told me she couldn’t believe that Mrs. Hancock had spent so much on us.

When I had looked at her questioningly, she told me she guessed that the set must have cost at least three-hundred dollars. My mouth was open for most of the rest of the evening. I had no idea.

That Wednesday we were sitting in our English class when Mr. Tamera said, “We’re going to have a major assignment due the week after next. It’s going to serve as a major grade for this nine-week period. It’s also going to serve as half of your semester final exam grade.”

He let that sink in for a moment as we all got a bit nervous. After he handed out project guideline sheets he continued. “This will be a group project. You will each be working in a group of four people. Each group will present their project in class in two weeks. You have several options here on what you can do…” He explained the options and said, “You must do it on one of the books that is listed below. The more unique and exceptional your project is the higher grade you will receive.”

He talked for a few more minutes before we divided up into groups. I was so glad that Amy was in this class! She actually hadn’t been at the beginning of the year but had been transferred into this class at the semester. Why? I don’t know. I thought she had a better English teacher before. Within a few minutes Amy, Nikki, Ashley and I had our desks together and were brainstorming on what to do the project on.

Amy was looking at the paper and said, “We should do a video for our project!”

“That sounds like fun,” I replied.

“We could be really creative and use Barbies for the characters,” Nikki suggested.

“That sounds like a great idea,” Ashley added.

“Umm… okay.” I said. Ashley and Nikki didn’t know that I played with Amy and her Barbies… I didn’t really want to give them any indications otherwise.

“My dad has a video camera that we can use for it.” Amy said.

“Okay,” I replied.

“Well let’s start working on a script then,” Amy said.

We did as she said. Amy suggested using one of the Nancy Drew books on the list as the basis for our movie. She seemed to think that would be one of the easiest books to use for what we had planned. I wasn’t so sure — I had read all of them before — but I went along with it. After about ten minutes of sitting in class we went down to the library with a pass to see what we could find.

We picked out the specific book we were going to use and the four of us divided it up into four parts. Each of us was going to come up with a script from our section. At the end of class we each agreed that we should work on recording our video this Saturday. That way, if anything went wrong, we’d still have a week to figure out how to get the project done.

When I came home that day I told my parents about the project and they seemed to think that it fit the ‘unique’ and ‘creative’ criteria for the project. I worked hard on the computer that night coming up with my part of the script for the book. I was amazed I managed to get as much done with it as I did that night. I really only had about four pages of my portion of the book left to do when I went to bed that night. I printed out what I had done and took it with me to school the next day.

We were sitting in the group talking when Ashley said, “Hey guys, I told my dad about this project and he offered to let us use the TV Station for it.”

I had completely forgotten that Ashley’s dad was one of the managers at the local TV Station. “We can use their cameras?” I asked incredulously.

“Yep! And, he said we can use their editing equipment too. He’ll show us how to use everything.”

“Wow, cool!” Nikki said.

“Yeah,” Amy and I said at the same time.

“Then it’s settled?” Ashley asked.

“Definitely,” I replied to her.

We spent the remainder of the class period working out what we would need for Saturday. The girls discussed what Barbies they had, what doll houses they would need, and how they would get all of it there. I just sat there in stunned amazement. I was taking part where I thought I could, but I didn’t have any Barbies of my own to bring for this. And, even if I did, I wouldn’t be sharing that bit of information with them! Before class ended that day we all agreed we would have our scripts completed by the next day.

That night at home I finished my script and then called Amy. We talked for a short while before I reminded her she was supposed to come over to our house the next night. She agreed again on that and, as we hung up the phones, went to get a note signed by her mom so that she could ride the bus to my house.

She called me back a few minutes later and said, “Hey Brandon, this is Amy again. My mom wants to talk to your mom.”

“Okay?” I replied quizzically.

My mom got on the phone and after listening for several minutes said, “That sounds like a great idea… No I don’t have any problem with taking her for the night… I can drop them both off at the station Saturday then…. Sounds great!” I wondered what she was talking about.

“Okay, here’s Brandon,” She said as she handed the phone to me. She whispered to me, “Amy wants to tell you.”

I got on the phone and asked, “Tell me what?”

“Well, Mom and Dad need to go see my grandparents in Las Cruces tomorrow. They were originally going to drag me along too. I told them I had to do the project with you guys this weekend, so they thought they’d see if I could stay with you guys for the weekend…”

“Cool!” I interrupted, that was so exciting!

“I thought so too. Anyway, I’ll be coming over to your house tomorrow after school and I’ll stay until Sunday afternoon. I’m so excited!!” She said, clearly hyper.

“Yeah!” I paused for a second and suddenly wondered, “Umm… Amy? What are we going to do about getting your stuff over to the TV Station?”

“Ooh… that’s a good question. Let me ask my Mom.” She came back a second later and asked, “Is your mom going to be home during the day at all?”

I went and asked my mom real quick, before coming back and telling her that she’d be home around ten for a bit. She went and talked to her mom for another quick second and said, “Okay, my Mom’s going to bring over my clothes and stuff, and the things we need for Saturday at ten. Just let your mom know that she’s going to do that, k?”

“Sure,” I replied. We finished up our conversation and I let Mom know of the plans.

I went to bed really excited about the project. I thought it was going to be a blast to work with the TV Station’s equipment on Saturday. It was also going to be great having Amy over to spend the weekend.

That night I dreamed that playing with Barbie dolls was a normal thing for boys to do. Everyone played with them right? At least in the dream they did. For my birthday I imagined my parents buying me a great big dollhouse and filling my room with Barbies… It was great.

IN CLASS THE next day we combined all of our work into one script and fixed some problems that we saw in our storyline. I think we all left looking forward to Saturday and the filming we were going to do. Ashley’s dad was going to meet us at the TV station at nine in the morning. We were planning on being there till five in the evening, or later, working on it. The girls all made sure that they had their lists together of stuff they needed to bring.

After school Amy rode the bus with me to my house. The driver had already been told by my mom that Amy was going to ride today. When I opened the door I saw that two of Amy’s dollhouses were sitting on the floor in the living room. They were going to be really important for the film, so we were glad to see that her mom had dropped them off. We made sure that we had all of the dolls and clothes we needed too, then I made her play with Legos for a bit. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to play with her Barbies, it was more that I didn’t want Mom to come home and find us playing with her Barbies!

Dad was out of town at a convention for the weekend, so it was just Mom, Amy, and I at home. She made dinner for us and then we sat down to watch a movie in the living room. When we were done she said, “Listen Brandon, I think it’s time for my turn to play with your hair!” she said.

“Ooh yeah,” Amy said. “I think it might even be getting long enough we can braid it decently now!”

My hair at this point had reached just past my shoulders. I loved it, and was genuinely happy that she was going to play with it. “Okay — I guess.” I said to her indifferently.

Before I knew it I was getting attacked with all sorts of brushes, feeling my hair pulled and twisted this way and that, having my hair braided and such. After looking at me like that she said, “let’s do something different.” She whispered something in Amy’s ear and she nodded. She had me go dunk my head in the sink real quick to get my hair wet, before beginning to work from scratch on it. She also brought out something that I had wondered about for some time — the curling irons.

A little while later she had my hair curled under at the bottom, and I had bangs that were also curled up top. My hair certainly looked like a girls at that moment! She soon snapped some more pictures (she’d been snapping some every time they set my hair with something,) and said, “That’s enough for tonight.”

“Umm… will this come out in the morning?” I asked.

“It should.” Amy said. Mom had done her hair the exact same way and took pictures of the two of us together before we all sat back down and watched another movie. That night I enjoyed being able to sit there with my hair in pigtails, just like a normal girl, next to Amy and my mom on the couch. After the second movie finished we were ushered towards my room where Amy took the bottom bunk of my bunk beds and we went to bed.

Or so we wanted Mom to think… We actually talked for a long time that night about all sorts of things. I don’t think we actually fell asleep until three hours after Mom said, “lights out.” I think Mom knew that, because she had even less pity for me about waking up the next morning than she normally did! We both got dressed and ready to go that morning while Mom made breakfast for us. I used one of the ponytail holders that Mom had bought for me to put my hair up after breakfast.

Shortly after eight we gathered all of Amy’s Barbie stuff up and put it into our minivan to go down to the station. To say that Amy and I were hyper would have been the understatement of the year. Between the two of us getting to hang out together all weekend, and the excitement of doing something new and interesting like this, nobody could calm us down!

When we arrived we found Nikki and Ashley waiting for us already outside. They gave us a hand taking everything into a studio Ashley’s dad had set aside for us to use. The room was actually a lot larger than I ever figured we’d have available to us, and we had a sky backdrop behind it that we believed would be perfect for behind the doll houses. There were several other types of backdrops that were available to us that they used for commercials too.

Ashley’s dad gave us a tour and showed us how to use one of the cameras and set up several microphones for us to speak into. We practiced using them for a while and after about two hours of setup and practice we were ready to begin filming. Ashley’s dad had worked in the film industry before his current job, so he actually knew more than enough to help us out with anything we wanted to accomplish.

He stayed in the room to watch and answer questions, but left us pretty much, ‘hands off,’ to do our thing. Occasionally he would make a suggestion about a camera angle, or suggest that we move a light to another place or something. But, overall it was definitely left in our hands to do what we wanted to do. At one point he actually took another camera and recorded us working on the project. He thought it might be a good idea in case someone accused us of letting him do all of the work!

Shortly after one in the afternoon we took a break and ate some pizza he ordered for us.

“Mr. Sanders, thank you so much for all of this. We really appreciate your help!” I said to him.

“It’s no problem Brandon! I’m really impressed with what you guys are doing. I think it’s going to turn out to be a great project! Certainly a lot better with this equipment than it would have been with a home video camera.”

“Yeah — definitely. Just how good is this equipment?” I asked.

“Well, a lot of TV shows are actually shooting with cameras like these now. Plus, since we’re able to use a higher quality set of mics and lighting, this should look and sound pretty professional.”

“Cool, I can’t wait to see our finished product!”

“Neither can I, I think it really is a cute project.” He said.

After lunch we got back to work. It was about three when we were able to wrap up our filming. I looked over at the stack of three ‘Digital Betacam’ tapes that were on the table. Mr. Sanders had explained we had been recording with the best cameras that the studio had.

“Well what do we do now?” I asked.

“Now I’ll show you guys how to edit your video down to just the good cuts and what you need to do to put all of those together.”

He led us to an editing room, and began to show us how to move the parts we wanted on to one ‘master’ copy. I couldn’t believe how much time it took just to go through this part. We all ended up calling our parents and letting them know we were going to be there for a while still.

At six o’clock Mr. Sanders went to get some burgers from Sonic for us while we continued editing. We finally had a good rough cut done close to eight that night. He helped us come up with some titles for the beginning and end of the film then.

“Tell you what guys, it’s almost nine. Why don’t we meet back here tomorrow afternoon at two, and finish up by adding some music to the project and cleaning it up?”

“Okay, that sounds good to me,” Nikki said with a yawn.

“Yeah Daddy, I’m tired,” Ashley said.

“Then we’ll do that,” he said.

We cleaned up the dolls and the doll houses and everyone took their stuff home. I had called my mom and she was waiting to help us out.

That night Amy and I were only up an hour past when we were told ‘lights out.’

SUNDAY MOM MADE us get out of bed at eleven and get ready to go. We arrived at the station on time with a bunch of CD’s in hand. Her dad had suggested that we bring some to put behind the film. Adding the background music had somehow made it look much less like a cute kid’s project to something far better.

We worked tirelessly for another three hours on the project before declaring it done. I couldn’t believe how cool the project looked. He even showed us how to include a clip that he had recorded of us working in the ending credits, next to the credits! I don’t know about the rest of the group — but I was pretty psyched about it.

Her dad then showed us how to transfer the master copy to VHS tapes. We made ten copies of the tapes and put them in the nice black hard shell cases that he gave us. He also handed me the original beta master.

“Why are you giving me this?” I asked him.

“Because you basically were the director for this film. I was really impressed with what you did this weekend. In a couple years when you’re a bit older I might be able to find a place for you to work down here at the station.” They had put my name in the credits as the director, I liked that part!

“Really?” I asked.

“Yep, anyway I thought you should have it. Now let’s get you all out of here before we’re here till nine again!” He said laughing.

We were basically done, but Amy wanted us to add a nice cover to the front of the videotape cases. She had suggested using her dad’s computer at home — so we were all going to meet at her house Wednesday to work on that. She also had suggested we come up with a movie poster for our film. Ashley thought that would be a good night to try out the movie on all of our parents — with everyone planning on getting their parents to watch it at seven that night.

When we finished up at the studio Mom came and picked us up, dropping Amy and her stuff off at her house. Her parent’s gave her a hug when she got there — apparently they had just gotten back themselves, and we left her there as they waved us off. I had a lot of fun that weekend, and couldn’t wait to show off our project to the class in a week and a half.

By the time I got home that night I was completely exhausted. I ended up laying down on my bed at seven, and the next thing I knew Dad was waking me up for school the next day.

THE DAYS BETWEEN Monday and Wednesday seemed both close and yet so far away. I hung out at Amy’s house after school both Monday and Tuesday. Her mom joked that they should make the spare bedroom my room with as much time as I spent over there. Amy seemed pretty enthralled with the idea as well, but of course I couldn’t say yes to something like that! That would be cruel to my parents, who both really did love me.

On Wednesday the four of us caught a ride with Nikki’s mom to Amy’s house. When we asked about riding the bus together there we were told it was too many additional students — and I wasn’t about to rock the boat with my Mom’s workplace. Once there we went to her dad’s study on the first floor and began working with his computer. Amy’s mom was already home when we got there, but other than saying a quick ‘hi’ to the four of us, stayed busy in the kitchen preparing for the party.

To say they had an amazing setup was to understate, big time! He had the latest computer, software, scanner, and printer that you could get. Within about an hour we had created a great color cover for the outside of the VHS tapes. The cover that we put on the tape box featured a picture of one of the dollhouses taken in the studio with our title overlaid on top of the picture. It looked really neat. We also were able to design a ‘movie poster’ with the same artwork as well.

At 5:30pm her mom came into the study to find us wrapping things up and said, “Okay I need help setting the table please!” She was looking at Amy and me. I wasn’t sure when I had reached the new status, but I was no longer a guest and had been accepted as a member of the family. Of course I was honored, but apparently that meant I had to help take care of guests when they came over.

“Okay,” Amy and I answered at once. We left the others to finish cleaning up.

We helped her mom put several massive leafs in their formal dining room table so that we could seat fourteen people for dinner. Everyone had two parents present, except Ashley, but she did have her two big sisters that came for dinner too. Ashley didn’t talk about it much, but I knew that her mom had died when she was really young.

Monday when we had talked to Amy’s mom she had gotten this idea of having a really cool pre-movie dinner get together. She was a great cook — especially for events like these — so we were really looking forward to it. My mom had also gotten in the spirit and created an incredible chocolate mousse cake.

Amy and I made a bit of a game of setting up the table. I think we finished a lot faster because of the game. “Okay you two go get Ashley and Nikki, and then get washed up for dinner.”

“Yes ma’am,” Amy replied. I think she’d gotten in trouble for a smart aleck comment last night — she was being pretty respectful today.

We dragged the two of them upstairs to the bathrooms and washed up before coming down just in time for all of our families to arrive. Mrs. Hancock had outdone herself on this meal. She had cooked several Prime Ribs to absolute perfection. She also served mashed potatoes, broccoli, and homemade bread. She had taken the afternoon off from her patients so she could do all of this.

At the end of dinner we had the chocolate mousse cake my mom had made. It was by far my favorite dessert that my mom made. The bottom was basically a gigantic chocolate chip cookie. She then took Kit-Kat bars and made a ring around the cookie to make a ‘shell’ to pour the mousse into. Then if that wasn’t rich enough there were also chunks of Kit-Kat bars in the mousse itself. I loved every bite of it! Everyone else also seemed to enjoy it a lot too.

Following dessert we all gathered around in their living room. The four of us ended up sitting on the floor while our parents sat on the sofa and some other chairs that were brought in.

“Well, thank you everyone for coming to the premiere of our movie,” Amy stood up and said in front of everyone. “We hope you enjoy our short film!” Our parents were all a little obnoxious at that point, clapping and whistling loudly. They were clearly having a lot of fun, but I was sure they weren’t expecting much.

I started the VCR and we began watching the film. Okay, at this point I should preface this; it was a bunch of Barbies with voiceovers in different locations… That being said though, it was actually really incredibly good. The main part of the film lasted just twenty-two minutes, and the credits went on for another three minutes.

Our parents of course had to tell us that it was good, but the four of us agreed we didn’t think that they were just saying that because they were our parents… In fact they even made us show it again, so we decided we had something here. After the second showing we all helped clean up from the movie and put our project in a safe place to take to school next week. They also made us take several photographs holding our project and the posters in front of us.

We all left to go home around 8:30, with everyone saying thank you to the Hancock’s for hosting the premiere. It had been a really fun night for me, and I think everyone all had a fantastic time.
 
 
Chapter 13
 
 

THE NEXT WEEK actually passed by rather quickly. I was amazed at just how close we were getting to our summer break. The next Tuesday I couldn’t stop thinking about how we had just three weeks until we were going to be on break. As I was sitting in my English class talking and enjoying myself with my friends when the office came over the intercom and said, “Would you please send Brandon down?”

I went down to the office wondering what was going on. I had managed to avoid that part of the school for the entirety of the semester and didn’t want to start dealing with more problems again. I was actually more worried about a gut feeling I had that something must be wrong.

When I got down to the office I found my mom was standing by the reception desk. She looked really stressed. She was able to pull me into a conference room that was attached to the office and said, “Brandon, sit down.”

“What’s wrong Mom?” I asked

“Well… your Grandfather had a heart attack a couple hours ago.”

My mouth dropped, “Is he okay?” I asked with the shock showing.

“For now, they flew him to Phoenix for treatment. They think he’s going to pull through, but Dad and I want to go out there with Grandma to Phoenix to be with him.”

“When do we leave?” I asked, tears coming out of my eyes.

“Well, that’s what I came here to talk to you about. We want to leave at 4:30, but Dad and I think you should stay here.”

“But…”

“Brandon there’s nothing you’ll be able to do there. We called and they said they wouldn’t allow anyone under sixteen into the ICU where he’s being kept… Plus you have your project due tomorrow.”

“Are you sure there’s nothing I can do?” I asked worriedly.

“Yes, I’m sure. Listen, I called and talked to Amy’s mom and she said that they would be happy to have you stay there until we get back. Would you be okay with that?”

I sat there and thought for a moment. I really wanted to be there for Grandpa, but I figured my parents had their reasons for not wanting me to come along. And, if I stayed I wouldn’t miss out on the project either. Plus, I could only imagine how much fun it would be to stay with Amy for a while… I immediately felt guilty about thinking of having fun when Grandpa could die from the heart attack.

“I guess that’ll work, Mom. But why did they fly him to Phoenix instead of Albuquerque?”

“They were supposedly better situated to handle him. I asked the same question. So you’re okay with staying with the Hancocks?” She asked.

“Yeah, but you have to call me and keep me updated about him okay?”

“Of course I will. Well, we need to get your stuff packed up. Amy’s mom told me to go ahead and pick her up too — that way she could let you into their house.”

“Okay, I can go get her.” I cleaned up my face really quick with my shirt. While my mom was signing us both out, I went back to class to get Amy.

“Umm… Amy my mom is checking us both out for the day,” I said as I pulled her from her desk to come with me. She looked at me with a concerned look and came with me. I told her what was going on as we both grabbed our backpacks and stuff from our lockers.

When we got outside and were getting into my Mom’s car, Amy gave me a hug and said, “I’m so sorry Brandon, but I’m sure everything will work out.”

“Thanks Amy.” I replied returning the hug.

We drove to our house and I quickly packed several days worth of clothes into a suitcase, along with my toothbrush and all that jazz. Mom spent a while triple checking on things and writing out a letter so Amy’s mom or dad could take me to the hospital or a doctor if they needed to. Though having Amy’s mom being a doctor would probably be enough to smooth any of that over anyway.

When we thought I had everything I could need we headed over to Amy’s house. Mom helped me carry everything inside and made sure I was okay.

“Now I think we have everything, but if we don’t, call Dad’s cell phone and we’ll try and figure out what to do. You have a house key with you right?”

“Yes Mom, I’ll be fine, you guys just worry about Grandpa, okay?” I said.

She gave me a hug and said, “Okay.”

We talked a few more minutes before she finally walked back out to the car, giving me one last hug and I love you before taking off. I honestly didn’t know what to make of the last hour or so, it had all gone along so fast.

I must have had a strange look on my face because Amy came up to me and asked, “Hey, are you alright?”

“Yeah… I think. It’s just been kind of a strange hour. One minute I’m sitting in class talking to you guys, three minutes later I learn my grandfather is in danger of dying and my parents are leaving me here while they go away…” I paused. “I think things will be alright, but I guess you just never know do you?”

She gave me a hug and we went to get a drink in the kitchen. We sat down on some barstools next to the breakfast counter. “I’m sure things are going to work out fine. Besides, look on the bright side!” She paused and gave me an exaggerated smile, “You get to stay with me!!!”

She hugged me again and said, “Let’s go upstairs and get your mind off of this.” Amy dragged me onto my feet, grabbed some of my stuff, and led me upstairs. She stopped by her room first and had me leave my stuff in there.

“I’m not staying in your room am I?” As far as I knew she just had a daybed in there.

She nodded, “I have a trundle bed underneath my bed, I talked to my mom while you were saying bye to yours, and she said that’s where she planned on you sleeping.”

“Cool. They already say we’re joined at the hip, we’ll just make it more so,” I said with a lopsided grin.

“Uh-huh, it’ll be like a several day sleepover!” Apparently she had decided that even though I was here because of a sad thing; we were going to be having a lot of fun. “Okay, first things first — neither of us have homework so let’s go play.” She dragged me down the hallway to the playroom and we began playing with her Barbies.

Actually, that was kind of nice because I was able to lose myself in the activity. Both of us lost track of time and soon Amy’s mom came into the room. “Hey guys.” She walked over to me. “How are you holding up Brandon?”

“Pretty good I guess. I mean he’s still alive, right?” I replied.

“Yes, and from what your mom told me I’m fairly certain he should be fine after some rehab. They just have to get him through tonight and things should be okay.” She’s a doctor, so that must count for something right?

“Thanks Mrs. Hancock. And thanks for letting me stay here while they’re gone too.” I told her.

“Anytime sweetheart, anytime. Do either of you have homework?” She asked.

We both shook our heads. Amy said, “We just have to take the project to school tomorrow for our presentation. I kind of feel bad for everyone else; we drew the first spot out of the hat. Our project is going to be hard to top!” I nodded with her.

“You’re probably right. You guys just do whatever you want tonight, Amy I’ll do your chores for tonight.”

“Really?” Amy asked.

“Yes. I’m going to go work on getting dinner going, I’ll let you know when it’s done.” She left and we continued playing with her Barbies. I was still a little nervous about what her mom thought, but at the same time she didn’t seem to have any problem with it so we kept playing. About an hour later she came upstairs and told us to clean up.

We put away her Barbies and washed our hands before going downstairs. Mrs. Hancock made spaghetti for dinner. It tasted really good, at least when I was paying attention. I guess I was more worried than I had realized.

I hadn’t been going to my grandparents a lot this year, but I had spent a lot of time with them in the past. From the time I was four I always spent at least two weeks with them in the summers, and so it was pretty unnerving to me that something had happened to one of them. I managed to get through dinner without breaking down, but did excuse myself at the end to ‘go to the bathroom.’

Amy found me a short while later with her bathroom door open to her room — I was in tears. She gave me a really long hug without saying a word. Eventually I calmed down and we talked for a while. After a bit I cleaned up my face and we went back downstairs to watch TV with her parents. They seemed to want to ask about me, but decided not to.

We watched a few TV shows, not really saying a whole lot, just chilling on the couch. After a while Mrs. Hancock went upstairs for a little bit and then came back down. She talked to us about how we would get up and make the bathroom bit work. They actually had a third bathroom down the hall that I could use in the morning. Wakeup times were decided, and then she said, “Okay you two, it’s time for bed.”

Neither of us really grumbled much as we went upstairs. Her mom had apparently already been upstairs putting blankets on the trundle bed. I hadn’t really looked at her bed a whole lot earlier, but now that I had one next to it I looked a bit more. Her bedroom looked like the next step up from Barbie, though Barbie’s presence was still felt. My bed was covered with a matching bedspread that was mostly pink with some bright green thrown into it.

We both got into our pajamas and climbed into our beds. Amy turned out the light before she got into hers. It was nine when we turned off the light, but we actually talked until at least ten. I was feeling a little better — and that meant that some excitement for tomorrow had welled up inside of me.

Actually we talked about a lot of things, including that her parents were having their swimming pool filled the next day. She said, “We’ll have to go swimming!”

I sat there thinking that I didn’t have my swimming suit… what was I going to do? I didn’t mention it that night though. We both eventually stopped talking and fell sleep.

THE NEXT DAY we got ready for school and ate breakfast — it was hectic but there really wasn’t anything remarkable about it. I did get a phone call from my parents telling me they made it to Phoenix all right, and that Grandpa was stable. He wasn’t completely out of the woods yet, but that he should be okay. It was a quick phone call and then Amy and I grabbed all of the project stuff and headed to the bus stop. Once we got to school we went together to first hour. Some of the kids like Nikki asked why I had left suddenly yesterday and I told them. Many of the girls like Nikki and Ashley gave me a hug and told me they hoped he’d be okay.

The day went by incredibly fast — I had hardly a spare moment to devote to thinking about anything. About the only thing I did have time to think was that it was probably a really good thing that I had stayed here. If nothing else it kept my mind busy. At lunchtime we all talked about the project.

Somehow we had actually managed to keep what we had done for our project a secret from everyone else. I really did feel bad about going first… Almost everyone else was going to stand in front of the class talking. There was one other group that did a video, but that group apparently just sat at a table and talked about the book like a newscast.

“Hey, why don’t we suggest we go last?” Nikki suggested as we talked about it.

“Well, the rest of the kids won’t think it’s fair…” I said.

“Well they’ll probably want to lynch us anyway.” Ashley said. There was a lot of nodding around our group — along with a bit of laughter.

Don’t get us wrong, we were all very proud of our project… we were just very aware of the fact that we overachieved big time on it. In the end Amy said, “Look we can offer to go last, but we’ll have to do it in just the right way.”

“Okay, you’re in charge then,” Nikki said.

I thought Amy would argue for a second, but she shrugged and said, “Okay.”

When we got up to English sixth hour we went straight to talk to Mr. Tamera. Amy quickly explained that our project would be worth waiting till the end for. He looked at us and said, “I’ll ask the class if they’re okay with it… I don’t want to just change it though.”

A little while later he explained to the class that we wanted to save our project for last. Amy, Nikki, and Ashley tried to convince the other students they should let us wait, but to no avail. Boy, were they sorry! We got up in front of the class and said just the absolute bare minimum, including unveiling the poster we had kept covered the whole day. I was pretty impressed that we had managed to print off the entire poster onto sixteen sheets, and make them look like it was one poster. Most of the class seemed impressed by the poster too, I could see a lot of them looking nervously at each other within their groups.

With the introductions made we started the film and sat down. I had seen it enough times at this point that I really didn’t have any desire to watch it anymore — so instead I took in the other students’ faces. The guys started watching the film with sneers on their faces when they heard it was done with Barbies… that quickly turned to astonishment… and finally to genuine admiration. The girls instantly thought it was one of the cutest things in the world — and several of them whispered that to us.

The final and most important reaction I was watching for was from Mr. Tamera. He didn’t hide his emotions very well, which was good in this case, because he was clearly shocked by how incredible our project was. There was definitely a look of suspicion on his face about our having done the project by ourselves until the ending credits rolled by, and he saw us working and laughing on the project. I definitely needed to remember to thank Mr. Sanders for that. It was a really good idea to do that!

At the end of our film the students all started cheering and whooping loudly. Mr. Tamera stood up and said, “Now if that made any of you more nervous, remember something. They offered to go last!” I saw a lot of faces fall with that remark.

I wasn’t expecting everyone to be able to go in that class period, but I wasn’t expecting the amount of suckiness of everyone else’s projects either! At the end of class, after the last presentation Mr. Tamera stood up and said, “I will have your grades for your projects to you on Monday after I look at them all again. I will also submit the winning project from this class to the whole English department so we can decide a sixth grade overall winner.”

The bell rang at that point and he said, “Amy, Ashley, Nikki, Brandon I need you to stay for a moment please. The rest of you have a nice day.”

Uh-oh… were we going to get in trouble for something? “First of all, Brandon is everything okay?”

“Umm… kind of. My grandfather had a heart attack yesterday. My parents drove to Phoenix where they took him. They called this morning and said he should be okay eventually.”

“That’s good. Let me know if you need anything. You’re not staying by yourself right now are you?” He asked.

“No, I’m staying at Amy’s house until they get back.”

“Okay, well anyway… I just wanted to tell you all I was completely floored by your project. For a while I was concerned that maybe Ashley’s dad had done all of the work, but when you had those scenes at the end I could see that Brandon was doing a lot of the camera work. I can honestly say without hesitation that you will be moving onto the grade level contest, and you should win it.”

“Thanks Mr. Tamera,” Ashley said. We all chimed in with our thanks as well.

“Okay, well anyway go ahead and head to your next classes. If your teacher needs a note come back and get one okay?”

“Okay,” I said and we all headed for our next class. We each had a bit of a spring in our step from there on. It was nice. That is until I got to my next class.

“Hey look, its Brandon. He plays with Barbie dolls everyone!” one kid decided to sneer. He was from another English class, and apparently word of our project had gone around quickly.

“Hey, at least my group produced a decent project. We’ll get an A and probably get the prize as well!”

That seemed to shut the kid up. He did make some comments about me being a sissy and a girl, but I just let those roll off and most of the other kids started shunning him. Apparently while he and a few others were going to try and make fun of me for the project, most of the kids were in awe of what my group had accomplished. Most of the boys in that class would have given their right arms to have been able to switch places with me.

I was thankful when that class ended and I was able to meet up with Amy to go back to her house. On the way home she said, “The pool should be filled by now!”

Crap, I had forgotten all about that. I needed to figure out a way to get to my house I guess, but that would have to wait until her mom got home.

When we got to her house we went out to the backyard where they had a pool that I’d never really looked at. I noticed they also had a jacuzzi tub built into the same area. It was all really nice looking. Looking around a bit more I saw they also had a wide area of grass, a big wooden deck, and a tall twelve foot brick wall around the backyard.

I also became aware all of the sudden of how warm it was today. It would be really nice to go swimming. It’s just too bad I didn’t have my swimsuit. Their pool looked pristine, and a quick dip of my hand into the pool found that the water was actually fairly warm. We went back inside and found a note on the kitchen table from Amy’s Mom.

‘Amy, we can’t use the pool until tomorrow evening when the pool company has had a chance to come double check the chlorine level. Be patient, I’ll be home early tomorrow night for you guys to go swimming. Love, Mom’

Well that was good! That bought me a day to try and figure out a way to get my suit from home. Or… maybe… Wouldn’t it be great to wear one of Amy’s swimming suits? The problem is that it sounds like Mrs. Hancock was going to be there… I couldn’t do that in front of her. I decided to think more on that later.

We went upstairs and worked on some homework we each had, and then Amy had to go to dance practice. She convinced me to go along and watch. I agreed since I didn’t really have anything to do anyway. I watched her dance class do some really incredible things for an upcoming performance. A guy couldn’t really admit it, but I thought what they were doing was easily more difficult than any football or soccer game.

I was so jealous of Amy being able to do that kind of stuff. If only I had been born in a girl’s body I would have been able to do things like that too. Her past work with dance and gymnastics had guaranteed her a spot on the cheerleading squad for next year. A lot of seventh graders were mad because she had beaten out several of them that had thought they were shoo-ins. I was truly amazed with all that she did with that.

From there we went back home and had a late dinner. We decided to go upstairs and just hang out around the TV in her playroom. At 8:15 my mom called and I talked to her for a while.

“Hey sweetie, how are you doing?” My mom asked.

“I’m doing okay I guess. How’s Grandpa?”

“Well they’re going to take him out of ICU tomorrow if nothing else happens. From there hopefully they’ll be able to let him out of the hospital in about a week.”

“Good. I’m really glad to hear that he’s okay. How’s Grandma doing?”

“She’s holding up pretty well. She’s at the hospital right now with Dad taking shifts watching Grandpa. How did your presentation go today?”

“It went really well! I have a feeling that we’re going to win the competition — they’re supposed to tell us Monday. We tried to get moved to the end of the presentations, but the other kids didn’t want to do that. It was pretty funny,” I giggled a little, “afterwards Mr. Tamera looked at the class and said, ‘remember they offered to go last.’ We actually saw all of the presentations today and most of them weren’t very good. But anyway, it went really well.”

“Did anyone give you a hard time about the Barbies?”

“One kid, but I told him I didn’t really care since I would probably get the prize for the project and he wouldn’t. Also the other kids were so floored with what we made that I don’t think they feel comfortable giving me a hard time. There is also the fact that I got to work with the three cutest girls in the grade — I think that made a lot of them jealous.”

We talked for a while longer before I told her goodnight and went back to hanging out with Amy. At nine we were again sent to bed, but tonight neither of us really was tired and so we started talking.

After about an hour I was getting a bit drowsy, but Amy asked a question that jolted me right awake. “Brandon, do you wish you were a girl?”

The color drained from my face and I felt my heart become an ice cold lump in my chest. I was sure that I could hear every beat of it as loudly as our band at school.

I stammered a bit, “What do you mean?”

“Well… I’m not saying any of this to be mean, okay?” She said sitting up and looking at me. “But I’ve been wondering since the beginning of the year. I know you’ve told everyone that you grew your hair out to be more like a rock star, but you keep letting anyone that wants to, style it like a girls. You also are the first boy I’ve ever met that played Barbies with me more than once. And, you make a better best friend — girl wise — than any girl I’ve ever known. You don’t have to answer me I guess if you don’t want to, but know that I’ll be your friend even if that’s what you want.”

Silence.

Roll out the tears.

“Maybe?” I said timidly, as my voice trembled.

Another moment of silence, I think she could tell I didn’t want her to say anything right then.

“I don’t know. All I do know is that I have been thinking about that a lot since the beginning of the year. I’m scared that I’m a freak… and I really never intended to tell anyone any of this…” I started quietly crying some more. Amy got out of her bed and wrapped her arms around me.

“It’s okay Brandon, I really mean that. I don’t care if you are a boy, a boy that wants to be a girl, or you’re a girl, you’ll always be my best friend.”

I slowed down a few minutes later, looking up at her and said, “Why? I’m a freak.”

“You’re anything but a freak Brandon. And, as for the ‘why?’ I already answered that, we’re best friends. I know that you never take your necklace off, and neither do I. That should tell you something all by itself.”

“Thanks Amy. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I think my mom might be cool if she knew, but I know my dad would freak out and disown me — or have me committed to a mental institution. Which maybe I should be…”

“That’s absolutely not true Brandon. You may be dealing with some stuff, but you don’t need to be committed. I also think you’re underestimating your parents a lot.”

“Maybe. Amy please don’t tell your parents… I don’t want them to keep me from being friends with you!”

“Brandon, I’ll be honest, my parents are the last ones that would have a problem with you. But I promise you I won’t tell them.” She held up her pinky to me. I grabbed it and she said, “I even pinky promise on it.”

We heard footsteps coming towards the door. Amy quickly got back in her bed under the covers and we faked sleeping while her mom peeked her head in. She left a few moments later.

I think Amy sensed that leaving the conversation here would be a really bad idea, so she asked “So Brandon, when did this all start? I have a pretty good idea, but I’m curious.”

“Well, to tell you the truth, I think there has always been a part of me that’s wanted to be a girl — I just never recognized what it was. I also was raised in such a strict environment against this kind of idea that I didn’t even have a chance to consider it. I guess it really started though when Liza — Matt’s ex-girlfriend — told me, ‘Brandon why are you sticking your chest out like that? What? Are you trying to look like a girl?’”

“That made me start thinking of how much better life would be if I really was a girl. I went from that thought to trying to figure out a way that maybe I could actually do that. A couple of weeks later I talked mom into not cutting my hair, and letting it grow out some more. I think you know the rest of the story from there about my hair. Then, when we were on the ski trip, everyone kept calling me a girl and it just made everything seem more possible than it ever had. Then things just kept getting crazier and I was able to do things like play Barbies with you.”

I paused for a second, tears were streaming from my eyes and my voice quivered. “I honestly don’t know what to do. I’ve decided that if I’m going to do anything about this I need to decide by the time I’m fourteen at the latest — since that’s like the last age that I can get stuff done to me that will make me look pretty naturally like a girl… But at the same time I don’t know if I should want that… and I’m so scared of what my parents would do to me… does any of this make any sense at all?”

Amy looked at me — I could just see her face in the dim light, “Yes, I think it does. Brandon have you ever worn any girls clothing before?”

I shook my head. “My mom isn’t exactly my size. And since I don’t have any sisters… I did have two opportunities when I was kid that I kick myself for missing now.” I told her about the swimsuit dream, and then told her about another one as well.

“When I was like seven, we went shopping with my mom and a friend of hers. Mom found this really cute dress, but didn’t know if it would fit my cousins. Well my Mom’s friend suggested I could try it on for her — since we were like triplets we’d be the same size. My ego at the time couldn’t take it though so I had a fit and said no. If only I had said yes! Who knows, maybe I wouldn’t be in this situation now.”

“Wow, you really are just realizing something now that’s been there for a while aren’t you?”

I nodded. “What do you think I should do?” I asked.

“I don’t know… I do know I won’t tell anyone, though I’m sure I’m not the only one that suspects.”

I panicked and whispered, “Who else knows?”

“Suspects, not knows. Nikki and Ashley definitely do I think. I’m sure there are some others as well. Most of them are willing to just take the rock band hair explanation, but a few girls have said some things that I can tell they wonder. I don’t think there are any guys that have given it that much thought at this point. And, well I think my parents suspect.”

“Your parents?”

“Yeah. My Mom’s a doctor, remember? While she’s not a psychiatrist, she had to study a lot of that and I think she’s put two and two together as well as I have. Like I said, don’t worry, she would be cool with it.”

“I’m afraid though if they find out something and don’t tell my parents that they might hate your parents then… It could get bad.”

“Actually, I have a feeling that our moms probably both suspect and have talked to each other about it. Remember that day when we were fundraising?” I nodded — I was terrified at this point. Her mom and my mom knew? “I think I caught the end of a conversation about it as we got in the car one time.”

“So you think my parents already know?”

“It’s possible.”

“…I don’t know, I just don’t know.” I was so terrified that she might be right.

“Look, you missed it earlier. My mom said the pool guy canceled today so we have to wait until Friday for the pool, so she’s going to work normal hours tomorrow and come home a bit early on Friday instead. That means we’ll have about an hour without her home.” She paused as if debating about something. “If you want you could try on some of my clothes then. We’re the same size.”

“Really?!?”

“Really.”

“Wow… I’ve kind of dreamed and hoped for this… but I don’t know. What if your mom catches us?”

“I don’t think it would be a terrible thing. But, I think she would have to tell your parents.”

I thought for a few moments. “I think it would be worth the risk. Are you sure you don’t think I’m a freak?” I asked.

“I’m positive. I’ll be honest, I’ve been kind of curious to see what you would look like dressed in the right clothes. You already get mistaken for a girl four out of five times; in the right clothing I don’t think anyone would possibly guess that you’re a guy.”

“Okay, let’s do it.” I said with a bit more enthusiasm.

We finished our conversation on a little bit lighter note and finally fell asleep. I kept waking up that night though, wondering if our conversation had been a dream…

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To Be Continued...

 
Synopsis

Brandon is a bright boy growing up near Albuquerque, New Mexico. He likes school, soccer, computer games, and playing in the school band. Small for his age and youngest in his class, his size has made him the target of every school bully for years. Each year the verbal and physical abuse increases, finally wearing him down to the point he doesn't know if he can continue. Just as he reaches the end of his rope, he is suddenly befriended by a classmate he least expected. As their friendship grows and deepens, Brandon learns the value of a best friend and finds himself moving down a road he never expected. Over the course of the school year, his friend helps him discover and cope with his feelings, hopes, dreams - and fears.

This is the story of a young person's unusual journey to stand up to the numerous obstacles that life has dealt him - and to become the person he believes himself to be. (Part 4 of 6)

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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

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The Legal Stuff: Standing Up to Life  © 2008 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2008 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
 
I began this trilogy of novels last year, first publishing this book at FictionMania and Story Site in March last year. Setting out to tell a story I felt I needed to tell, I was pleased that the readers of both sites seemed to enjoy the work. A couple months after I initially posted this book at FictionMania I met a dear friend Carla Ann who offered her services as an editor. With her help I began to go back and proof this book a few months ago for publishing at Lulu.com. More than anything I liked the idea of having a hardback edition of the book for myself, but I felt that perhaps others might enjoy a copy as well.

With that information in mind I am posting a standard copy of this here at BigCloset, and announcing that I have three versions available for purchasing through My Store (www.lulu.com/tiffanyshar) at Lulu.com. There are 6x9 hardback editions and paperback editions, as well as a high quality pdf version available for download. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it from my store. I hope to have it available through Amazon.com in a couple months as well, and will offer to have Erin sell it through her Amazon page at that time.

Thank you to all of you, my amazing readers, who have enjoyed this work in the past. You will discover that this new version is much more refined than what I initially posted a year ago. I hope you all enjoy this and my other novels. I hope to have the second book, Daring to Hope, also available in this form by mid-March, and the third book will hopefully be available this summer! I will make future announcements about Book Three through my Lulu storefront as well.

I will be posting this in six segments during this week. Please enjoy, and thanks for reading!

     -Tiffany Shar

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Chapter 14
 
 
I WOKE UP questioning whether our conversation had really happened or not. Amy quickly settled that when she whispered into my ear, "I’m so excited for after school," on our way out the door to the bus. I was really unfocused that day, to the point it was ridiculous. I almost ended up with detention with one teacher, but thankfully he decided I should be given a break for a bad day since I was one of his best students. He also knew that my grandfather had the heart attack. I think he just thought I was distracted by that.

Amy and I talked like normal through the day, but there was something different. I think it was just the sheer fact that she now knew my deepest darkest secret. I had decided that morning that I could do one of two things; live in constant fear that she would tell someone, or I could trust her to be my friend. I had decided I would do the second. I was sure she wouldn’t let me down.

I had several people try and give me a hard time with the Barbie bit that day, but I just brushed them off. Something about having the unconditional friendship of one of the coolest girls in school put me at ease. I also just honestly didn’t care — as long as I wasn’t getting beat up I was okay. The nice thing is that people still remembered the incidents with Matt and Jeff, and even with them thinking I was a ‘sissy,’ they were too scared to risk messing with me. Boy if they only knew how much of a wimp I really was…

Finally the end of the day came and we got on the bus to go home. As we went in the door we heard the phone ringing. Amy hurried over to it and talked to her mom for a couple minutes. Apparently her mom was calling to say that she was running late, and she wouldn’t be home till six that night. That was the time when her dad normally came home too, but he was in court and wasn’t expected to come home until at least then tonight.

"Okay then, shall we go upstairs?" Amy asked. I could tell she was really excited.

I was excited too — and nervous… really nervous. But I decided to throw caution to the wind and say, "Okay!" She and I raced upstairs and went straight into her room.

"Okay, first thing’s first. We need to get you into the right type of underwear!" She went to her dresser and dug through her drawer and brought out two items. I just kind of stood there wondering if I was in a dream. "Okay, here is a pair of panties that should fit you, and one of my training bras. Go put them on in the bathroom and then put on my robe. It’s hanging on a hook on the door. Okay?"

"Oh-oh-okay." I stammered. I did as she said and removed all of the clothes I had on before pulling the panties up my legs. Wow… They weren’t like some sort of exotic type of panty, they were just cotton, but they had a different type of elastic, and… they just felt different. I finished putting them on quickly and fought for a few minutes to get the bra fastened. After several tries I managed to get it fastened properly.

My image beckoned in the mirror and I looked at myself with girls’ underwear on. Instantly it was like I suddenly recognized myself and how I was supposed to look. I smiled and giggled. I couldn’t believe it was finally happening!

I found Amy’s robe hanging on the door as she said, put it on, and tied the belt in front of me. At that moment I took a deep breath, looked at myself in the mirror again, and then went out to her room. "You look great already!" She told me. "What do you want to try on first?" She asked me pointing to a bunch of clothes hanging up around the room. Clearly she had her ideas of how I should dress.

I looked around and saw a dress that I just had to see myself in. "How about that dress?" I said pointing to a dress that must have been Amy’s Easter dress this year. It wasn’t extremely frilly, most of the dresses that girls wore in our grades weren’t frilly so that didn’t surprise me… but it was a dress!

"Okay! I was hoping you would choose this one first." She said handing it to me. "Put this over your head like a t-shirt. If you can’t get the back zipped up I’ll do it for you."

"Okay!" I said very happily. I took it back in the bathroom and put it over my head as she told me. I actually tried to get it zipped a couple times before deciding I’d just let her do it.

I came out and she said, "Wow, Brandon… This is… wow… Actually I don’t think we should call you Brandon anymore… Have you picked out a different name for yourself as a girl?" She asked as she zipped up the back of the dress.

How could she know I had? I turned to look at her, "Well… I’ve had it narrowed down to two for a while."

"So what are they?" She asked.

I hesitated for a moment; this was like the last secret. "Brittany or Tiffany," I said.

"Hmm… I think I like Tiffany better for you. You’re not really like any of the Brittany’s I know."

"That’s kind of what I had decided." I could just see myself in a mirror in her room. Did I look pretty? Or did I look like a boy in a dress. I was so nervous. If I looked ugly now there was no way that I could ever become the girl I wanted to be.

Amy seemed to be reading my mind, and she said, "Tiffany," I smiled as she said my name, "you look really pretty already!" She gave me a hug that I returned.

"You’re not just saying that?" I asked.

"No — you look like you should be wearing that dress. I think it fits you better than it does me." She said with a smile.

I believed her, I knew I could, and decided to ask, "So what’s next?"

"Well… Why don’t we do something with your hair really quick?" She suggested. "You look okay now, I think you can look great though if we do a few more things!"

"Okay, where do you want me?"

"Just sit down in this chair," She pointed to a chair that was sitting in front of a dresser with a mirror above it. She had it turned away from the mirror for some reason. I started to sit down and remembered one of the things that every story I’d read on the internet talked about — you were supposed to smooth your dress beneath you. I did my best to do it, catching a smile from Amy just as she began working on my hair.

"What are you doing with it?" I asked.

"I thought I would do it like mine, where it’s curled at the bottom. I’d love to be able to do it in layers for you like I’ve seen on some stars recently, but that would involve cutting it. So, we’ll just go with this." She said.

She spent about twenty minutes working on it (I glanced at the clock nervously, it was now 4:10) and then she said, "Done! But hold on a second okay?" I nodded and she went to a jewelry box on the other side of the room. She came back with some earrings.

"Amy I don’t have pierced ears." I told her.

"I know, these are clip-ons. I wore them until I was ten — I was too scared to let them pierce my ears!" She said with a giggle. "I think I was rather silly looking back at it. It stung, but it didn’t cause me to fall on the floor and cry like I thought it would. Anyway, here let me put these on your ears!"

She fastened the clip-on earrings to my ears and told me, "stand up and tell me what you think!"

I couldn’t believe it! I honestly could have hung out with the cool crowd look wise. Maybe not the dress (definitely a pretty, but non-cool dress), but my face and everything seemed to work together with this hair style. "Wow, thank you Amy, this is like so cool." I gave her a big crushing hug.

"No problem." She gasped. I walked around for a few moments before looking at the clock and seeing it was only 4:22.

"So do I get to try on other stuff?" I asked.

"I thought you would never ask Tiffany!" She said. Hearing myself called Tiffany sent a shiver down my spine.

She and I kept picking clothes for me to try on over and over again until I was sure that I had tried on all of her skirts and dresses. As I looked at my smiling face in the mirror she said, "Okay, most girls don’t wear dresses to school anymore, let’s put you into something that is more normal."

"Okay."

She dug up a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, which she insisted I call ‘a blouse,’ and told me to put them on. I went into the bathroom yet again and came out. "You know it would be so cool to take you to the mall like this! No one would recognize you as Brandon, and I know all of the guys would be looking at you!" Amy was beside herself with excitement.

"Okay Amy… Hold on… I’m not ready to be seen in public like this… and I don’t think guys are necessarily my thing. At least… not as long as I have boy parts." I replied.

"Well, at least we know that you could be a really cute girl if you wanted to be. Is there anything else you want to try on Tiff?" She asked me. I kind of liked the shortened version too.

I thought for a moment, "Could I try on one of your swimsuits?"

"Sure, here let me grab one." She went through one of her dressers and came back with a bright green swimsuit with pink neon swirls on it.

I took it into the bathroom and pulled off everything else. I pulled everything else I was wearing off and pulled the swimsuit on. I remembered reading something about tucking my parts in, and decided to try doing it. I wasn’t sure I did it the way I was supposed to, but when I looked down I couldn’t see my parts sticking out anywhere — so I guessed it was at least marginally successful.

I found myself having a harder time getting myself to go out and show myself to her. It was a just a one-piece swimsuit, but it showed my legs all the way up — that part was really strange for me. After a moment though I mustered up my courage and went out to her room.

She whistled at me. "You look cute like that!"

I blushed. "Are you just saying that? I’m worried that people could tell that I’m a boy in this." I said.

"I can’t tell that you have anything that a girl doesn’t. I honestly think you could get away going to a pool party like that. Maybe we’ll even have to arrange for that," she said with a twinkle in her eye.

"Umm… don’t get evil on me here Amy." I said half jokingly. It was then that I looked at the clock and saw it was 5:42. "Hey, we’d better clean this up and I’d better get back into my clothes before your mom gets home."

"You’re right. Go ahead and change and I’ll start putting all of the rest of this up." She said and began to get to work. I went into the bathroom and took one last look at myself before slipping out of the swimsuit. I put my own clothes back on and took what clothes were in the bathroom back out to Amy. We worked together to put everything up when I felt like we were forgetting something.

"Amy, I feel like we’re forgetting something." I said.

"Oh no, the earrings and hair!" She said.

I pulled the earrings off and said, "What should we do with my hair?"

"Just put it in a ponytail, no one should be able to tell we did anything with it after that." She said.

We quickly did that and I found myself massaging my earlobes to get the dents out of them. We then sat down at the table in her room and worked on homework until her mom got there — three minutes later! We had certainly cut it a little bit close.

"Hey guys, what are you up to?" She asked.

"Just working on homework," I said. She’s going to know… somehow she’s going to know… I kept thinking to myself.

"Well I’ll let you two get back to it." She said and started to go out the door.

"Mom what are we doing for dinner?" Amy asked.

She turned back around, "we’re going to go out tonight. Does Olive Garden sound good?" She asked.

"Yeah!!!" Amy said.

"Yes that does sound good." I said.

"Okay, we’re going to leave in about twenty minutes. Work on your homework for a little bit longer though; it looks like you guys have a bunch of it." She said and turned around.

Amy started giggling and so did I once she was out of earshot. "That was close," she whispered to me.

"Yeah. Thanks though Amy, you let me do something I’ve wanted to do for at least eight months now."

"No problem Brandon, maybe we can figure out a way to make it happen some more." She said.

"I would really love to do that again." I said with a large smile on my face. It dimmed a little though as I said, "I’m just worried about getting caught."

"You know I don’t think anyone would be able to tell that you were Brandon if you were dressed as Tiffany." She said and we got back to working on the homework. We made amazing progress in ten minutes — almost done with it progress — when her mom came to the door.

"Okay guys get ready so we can drive into town to go eat. Your Dad is just going to meet us there, Amy."

We got ready to leave and drove off. The two of us sat giggling in the back seat talking about nothing of importance during the entire drive.

When we arrived at the restaurant and waited for a table. That took a good thirty minutes, but we all thought it would be worth it. After the wait we got called up and went to the table. The waiter came to me and asked me, "And what would you like to drink miss?"

"Umm… Iced tea please." I said.

Once he left Amy giggled a bit. "Brandon that has been happening a lot lately!" she whispered to me. "Just think…" She added. Just those two words had a new meaning to us.

"So Amy what are you going to order?" I asked.

"I don’t know, you want to split something?" She asked.

"Sure." I replied.

"What sounds good to you?" She asked.

"I don’t know, how about this Tour of Italy dish?"

"That sounds good, we get a little bit of everything then." She said. We chatted about the next day a bit until the waiter came back. We told him that we were going to split the dish and he said, "certainly ladies," the giggling started up again with Amy as soon as he left.

Mr. Hancock leaned over towards us and asked, "so should we correct him, or is this some sort of game you two are enjoying?" He asked with a wink.

"No we’re having fun with it," Amy and I said at the same time.

"Okay, you two might be spending a little too much time together," her mom said jokingly.

Amy turned towards her dad, "So how did your case go Daddy?"

"It went well. I think we should win this case easily." He said.

"What was the case about?" I asked.

He told us about the details. Apparently a company in town had fired an employee for some unjust cause. The employee had come to him and they had ended up taking it all the way to court. Mr. Hancock was really surprised that they hadn’t settled. Their closing arguments from both sides were definitely leaning more towards his client winning.

Our food came and conversation lulled while we ate. They had actually split the plate for us already, which was nice. The portions were still huge for our appetites and we both had enough leftovers for a decent snack the next day. We were on our way out when Amy leaned over to my ear as we walked and whispered, "Did you see that boy checking you out?"

"What?!" I whispered back.

"You heard me." Amy whispered.

"You must have been mistaken," I said back as we got inside the car.

Amy’s mom got in too and said, "Are you two talking about the boy that was checking out Brandon?"

"What? You too?" I asked.

"Well he was," Amy’s mom said. "As soon as you walked towards the door he couldn’t take his eyes off of your face." She then giggled a bit, "Then your rear when you walked past!"

Amy was practically rolling out of her seat in the car. I was sure the only thing holding her there was her seatbelt.

I was trying to decide whether or not to laugh or cry. I guess I should have known this was going to happen if I really wanted to start looking like a girl…

"Brandon, we’re not trying to make fun of you," Amy said, "It’s just really really funny."

I decided to laugh. I mean perhaps this was just another step to girlhood? "I guess it kind of is isn’t it?"

"Yes it is. I think it might have something to do with the hair though… did you do something to his hair earlier Amy?" She inquired.

Oh crap… she suspects? What do I say? I wasn’t really panicking yet — but I was definitely at a loss for words.

"Yeah, you got us. I talked Brandon into letting me play with his hair earlier. I just used a curling iron though, I didn’t really do anything that significant to it." She said.

"It’s okay, I wouldn’t have noticed in all honesty, if I hadn’t seen the ends of his hair in the ponytail were so curly." I wanted to look in the mirror and see what was going on there. "Also, guys don’t usually do that high of a ponytail. That’s certainly the highest I’ve seen you do it Brandon." She added.

"You’re not mad are you, Mom?" Amy asked.

"Absolutely not. As long as Brandon was okay with it I don’t see any issue with it."

I sighed with relief. "I’m okay with it," I answered back.

"So what do you two have going on tomorrow?" Amy’s mom asked.

We talked about the different things that were going on the next day. When we got home it was about 8pm and she told us to go finish our homework.

Amy and I worked as quickly as we could, since we didn’t really want to waste the rest of our evening working on homework. We had been working for about two minutes when I decided I wanted to get the pulling sensation the ponytail was giving me out of my hair. I pulled the holder out of my hair and let it down.

Her mom came up a few minutes later from downstairs with two bowls of strawberry ice cream. "Here, I thought you two might enjoy some ice cream." She said.

"Brandon, I just talked to your Mom, when you finish your ice cream why don’t you call her back. Then when you’re done talking let me know. I want to talk to her for a few minutes too."

"Okay, I’ll do that as soon as I get done." I replied, and then she left the room. I ate my ice cream and continued to work on my homework. After about ten minutes I headed downstairs. Amy stayed behind to keep working.

I found the phone in the kitchen and sat down on the bar stool to talk to my parents. I dialed and Mom answered, "Hey sweetie, how are you doing?"

"I’m doing okay, I’m kind of tired." I replied. Not lying in the least… staying up late last night talking had worn me out. "How’s Grandpa doing?"

"Well he was moved to a normal room today, and they will be ready to send him home on Tuesday. Your dad and grandmother are going to stay through then, but I’m going to go ahead and come back on Sunday. I’ll pick you up around seven that evening when I get back."

"How are you getting home and they’re staying there. Didn’t you guys just take one car?" I asked

"Your Dad drove out your grandparent’s car, and I drove ours. I’ll drive ours back home."

"I guess that makes sense." I replied. We talked for another ten minutes or so about stuff — I think she was dealing with separation problems — and I said goodnight to her, but told her, "Don’t hang up though, Mrs. Hancock wants to talk to you about something."

I handed her off to Mrs. Hancock and went upstairs to work on finishing my homework. Amy had gotten far too much of a head start there so she was done fifteen minutes before I was. I finished right around nine, and was surprised that we hadn’t been told to go to bed yet. Amy ran down real quick with our dishes and saw that her mom was in her office on the phone.

"Brandon, I think my mom is still talking to your Mom." Amy came back up and said.

"That’s strange."

"Yeah, but oh well. We should probably get ready for bed now so that she doesn’t give us a hard time when she comes back upstairs to check on us." Amy said.

"Yeah, you’re probably right. Why don’t we get ready quick so we can watch TV in here until she says to go to bed?" I suggested.

"Okay, I’ll go for that!" She said and we walked down the hallway. We both took turns in the bathroom, changing quickly, and then shared the sink to brush our teeth and stuff. Amy grabbed her hairbrush and told me to do the same. We went back to the playroom and sat down on the floor.

"Okay, I’ve done your hair enough, it’s your turn!" She told me with a wink. She moved to where her back was in front of me and handed me her hairbrush. "Can you brush my hair out?"

"Sure!" I replied. I wouldn’t even be close to being even with her. I started brushing her hair out, she practically purred. I gave her a hard time about it, "Are you sure you’re not a kitty?"

"No. I think all girls are actually kitties at heart!" She replied. I brushed her hair out for about five minutes and then we switched places.

Okay, we’d done the hair thing before, but just flat out getting your hair brushed out by someone else was indeed a different experience. It felt really good.

"You said I purred!" She said with emphasis, "You must be at least part kitty too!" She said.

"Well, you said that all girls are part kitty — so it must be true for me too." I said giggling a little.

She stopped after a bit and we moved into bean bag chairs to keep watching TV. I thought maybe we would get a reprieve, and be able to watch TV till ten, but her mom came in at 9:30 and said, "Time for bed guys. I’ll let you stay up as late as you want the next two nights though okay?"

"Okay Mom," Amy said.

We went down to her room and got into bed. Her mom turned the lights out and closed the door. When I thought the coast was clear I said, "Amy?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"You’re welcome Tiff." She said. I looked over at Amy and saw her smile at me. I would forever be in her debt for today. How could I possibly repay someone for something like this? For being a friend through this? I had no idea. I went to sleep that night dreaming of a day that I could have my own wardrobe like Amy’s. All of my dreams that night involved me being dressed the way that I felt I should be. It was a good night.
 
 
Chapter 15
 
 

SCHOOL FLEW BY quickly the next day. When we got to English Class, Mr. Tamera gave Amy, Nikki, Ashley, and I passes to down go to the office. He wouldn’t say why. It was actually kind of mysterious that he wouldn’t tell us — so we all discussed it as we went downstairs to the office.

"Obviously it’s about the project," I said.

"Yeah it probably is, but what about it?" Ashley asked.

"Well maybe we’re getting rewarded for a really good job?" Nikki suggested.

"Let’s hope so," Amy said.

We reached the office door and walked in. The principal, Mrs. Hinther, was standing there, "How are you all doing?"

"Okay," Nikki said.

"Good. Would you four please step into the conference room here?" She asked.

We followed her into a long room where we saw a big screen TV was sitting recessed into the wall. I’d been in the room earlier this year, but I hadn’t noticed the TV before. Around the table in the conference room we saw eight other adults talking to each other. She introduced us to them, "This is Mr. Jameson, the superintendent for our district. Here we have Mr. Winters, he’s the school board president." She continued rattling off names of a couple more school board members, a newspaper reporter, and two television reporters. One of them was from Mr. Sanders’ TV station.

"Well, you’re all probably wondering why we brought you in here?" She asked as she motioned for us to take a seat in four empty chairs.

We nodded.

"Well, let’s just say Mr. Tamera showed the other English teachers your video. They all thought that I should see it. I was incredibly impressed by your project, and I decided that these ladies and gentlemen should see your film too. Could you guys give your presentation just like you did the other day?"

"Okay," I said. "But do you have all of our stuff?" I asked.

"It’s all right here," She said handing me the stack of our stuff.

The four of us huddled for a second before starting our presentation again. Talk about unexpected! We managed to do at least as good of a job introducing the video as we did Wednesday, and then I started the video. I spent time watching the reactions of everyone on this showing again.

I especially enjoyed the reporter from Mr. Sanders station. She just seemed to be enthralled by it, laughing at all of the right times. Even the Superintendent and the School Board members seemed to be unable to control themselves. Everyone in the room seemed to thoroughly enjoy the movie.

When the video was over they all gave us a round of applause. There were all sorts of back patting comments, and we got to thoroughly enjoy the attention and all of the accolades. They ended up telling us that they wanted us to present it at the school board meeting, and maybe at a state board meeting as well. Wow, talk about more than we planned on.

They also asked us if we would mind talking to the three reporters there. We talked amongst ourselves and told them that we would talk to the newspaper reporter and the reporter from Mr. Sanders first. If the other one wanted to talk to us next week we would do so then, but the one TV station deserved first crack.

The other reporter was very gracious about it and said that seemed more than fair to her, and that she completely understood.

A phone call was made to each of our parents, in my case they called my dad on his cell phone, and then we sat down for interviews.

"So first of all, what are your names?" The reporter for the TV station asked.

"I’m Amy."

"I’m Ashley,"

"I’m Nikki."

"And I’m Brandon," I finished. I saw a quick double take from both of them when they heard my name. Clearly they were expecting another girl’s name.

They asked several questions including, "So where did you guys get the idea for the project?"

I started, "Well they gave us the option of doing a video for our project, and that seemed better than talking in front of the class for a long time."

Nikki then chimed in, "At that point I suggested we do it using Barbies."

Amy then spoke up, "I suggested we use the Nancy Drew book because it would be the easiest to do with Barbies."

"And then it just all kind of flowed together," I concluded. "Ashley talked to her dad that night and he offered to help us out with the facilities at your station."

After a few more questions she concluded the interview. The interview had lasted for the rest of the day, with the newspaper reporter having a cameraman coming down to a spot outside the school where they were able to photograph/film us in front of a school sign. The cameraman said they would splice that footage in with excerpts from the video and our personal interviews. We all knew it was going to add up to all-of-about forty-five seconds of a story at most.

We were told the interview would run on TV that night on the Six and Ten O’clock Newscasts and be in the paper the next day. When we had just ten minutes left in the day Mrs. Hinther told us to go grab our stuff from our lockers, and then come wait in the office till the end of the day. When we came back we were surprised to see Amy’s mom waiting for us. She went ahead and signed us out and we rode with her home.

"Congratulations you guys, this is so exciting!" She exclaimed.

She decided that we would do KFC that night so that we could watch the interview and not miss it. We got back to their house and threw our stuff upstairs in Amy’s room. After that we just kind of chilled. I did call my parents and tell them about the event and they seemed really excited for us. I was also able to tell them that though we were taping it to be sure, Mr. Sanders had called and said that we would get an official copy from the station too. All-in-all it was really incredible.

Dinner was around the coffee table in the living room waiting for the interview. Mr. Hancock was home for the news and we all got really excited when the interview came on. It was cool! There’s really no other way to describe the experience.

Afterwards Mrs. Hancock asked, "So do you two want to go swimming now?"

Crap. I had forgotten that we needed to go to my house to get my swimming suit. That was going to be a pain now.

"Umm… I don’t actually have my swimsuit with me." I said.

"You left it at home?" Amy asked.

"Yeah, would you mind going with me to get it?" I asked.

"Well, Greg is out changing the oil in his car, and unfortunately that’s blocking in mine as well. So we won’t be able to go for a while. Why don’t you two go watch some TV for now? Unless..."

"Unless?"

"Well, Amy has a couple extra swimsuits, you could borrow one from her." Mrs. Hancock offered.

My jaw absolutely must have hit the floor.

"One of Amy’s suits? Wouldn’t that be strange?" I asked. I just had one on yesterday. Oh how I wanted to wear it again!

"We have a fence around the backyard, no one would see you. It really wouldn’t be that big of a deal." She hedged.

"Well… what do you think Amy?" I asked.

"You should do it. That way we don’t have to wait for my dad. Usually when he does this he takes forever!" She answered.

"Okay, I suppose that would be fine then." I replied.

"Okay then, why don’t you two go upstairs and get dressed. I’m going to finish cleaning up from dinner."

"Okay Mom," Amy said.

We got upstairs and we closed her bedroom door. "You didn’t tell her anything did you?" I asked Amy.

"No, of course not."

"I believe you, I just had to ask."

"I know, it’s okay. Here’s your chance though, who would have thought that Mom would suggest that?"

"I wouldn’t have — it certainly surprised me! Do you think there’s something fishy going on?" I asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Well… I don’t know. I guess maybe I’m wondering if it’s connected to the phone conversation she had with Mom forever last night."

"I don’t know. I think you’re worrying too much. Come on it’s time to get dressed! I haven’t been able to use our pool since September!"

She picked out a swimsuit for herself and gave me the one that I had used yesterday. Once we were dressed we headed downstairs. We grabbed some swimming toys and goggles from a closet downstairs. I hadn’t seen Mrs. Hancock yet, I felt very self-conscious, when I heard "You two go ahead and head outside, okay?" from her Mom behind us.

I kind of jumped a bit at that point. "By the way, you look nice Brandon," her mom said with a wink.

For whatever reason out of my mouth sprouted the words, "Thanks Mrs. Hancock." Where the heck did those come from? I quickly turned back around and headed out the back door to the pool. We put our stuff on the side of the pool and jumped in. Pretty soon I didn’t even think about the fact that I was wearing her swimsuit — I was just having fun.

Amy and I just kind of dived in and out of the water for a few minutes before she said, "Brandon you really do look nice. I don’t know if she was being serious or not, but you do. I think you could honestly get away with going to a public pool like this if you wanted."

"I don’t know… I’m really surprised that your mom would suggest something like this." I said.

"I am too honestly." We were speaking in the middle of a shallow end area of the pool. Her mom was still inside. "But, are you enjoying it?" She asked.

"Absolutely!" I replied. I loved the way that the swimming suit felt in the water. It was more like a second skin than anything else. ‘Much more comfortable than what I’d been forced to wear before,’ I thought.

"Well good! Let’s enjoy the pool! I haven’t been able to swim in it for a while!" She said.

We swam, diving in and out of the water for a while and then grabbed some of the pool toys from the side. She had a bunch of diving toys that we played games with, seeing ‘who could get the most toys first,’ type thing. After a while Mrs. Hancock and her husband came out and sat in the jacuzzi. "Why don’t you two join us in here?" she suggested.

I had forgotten all about what I was wearing while we had been playing, suddenly I was afraid of what Mr. Hancock would think.

"Cute," he said to me, and then asked, "So I hear you two had a big day?"

"It was great Dad…" Amy proceeded to tell him everything about today with me tossing in an additional detail here and there.

"That’s awesome guys. I have to confess I did hear about it first from the Superintendent."

"Really?" Amy asked.

"Yeah, after he got done with you guys he gave me a call and asked if you were my daughter. He told me that you and your friends had done an amazing job."

"Cool," Amy said.

"I have a feeling the district is going to milk your project for everything its worth. Because of that I made a phone call earlier." He added.

"To where?" I asked.

"A guy I went to law school with has been working for the Mattel Corporation for the last ten years. I thought it might be a good idea to consult with him about the project — just in case they decided to have a problem with it for some reason."

"And?" Amy asked.

"Well, he said they shouldn’t have a problem with it. But, and this is the cool part, they want to see it to see if they can use it for any sort of promotional thing. I had one of the copies sitting around at work and sent it to him through FedEx earlier. They should get it Monday."

"So do you think it’s going to amount to anything?" I asked.

"Who knows, maybe some scholarships for you guys? They may just throw in some free toys or something even. We’ll see. I mainly called them because sometimes big companies like Mattel have a fit anytime someone uses their trademarked merchandise. Toy companies can be especially bad about that. The good thing is that in the credits you guys credited them, so they should be cool with it. Anyway, nothing we can do until we hear from them next week."

"Thanks for doing that Dad," Amy said.

"Yeah, thanks." I said. I certainly couldn’t afford to have my family sued by that company…

We sat in the jacuzzi with them for about fifteen minutes and then we all went inside. Amy’s mom sent us upstairs to go take showers and change into our pajamas. When I got up to her room I said, "Thanks for letting me use one of your swimsuits Amy."

"Anytime Tiff."

"Thanks. Well, I guess we should go take these showers huh?"

"Yeah, when you’re done just bring my swimsuit back here so we can dry it."

"Okay." I replied and walked down the hall with clothes and such in hand. When I got to the bathroom and closed the door I looked at myself in the tall mirror on the door.

I was honestly looking at myself to see just how much or how little I looked like a girl. Truthfully between my hair and the clothing I didn’t resemble a boy at all. I looked down to where I figured I would be betrayed and found myself pleasantly surprised. There really wasn’t anything to see there. The only mound at all was between my legs, and it didn’t look like my parts.

Unfortunately as they say, ‘All good things must come to an end.’ I hated that saying.

I stripped the suit off and got in the shower. I tried to make it a quick shower and was soon in my pajamas. I walked back to her room and found Amy just opening her bathroom door. I handed my suit to her and she hung it up on the shower curtain rod.

"Are you going to blow dry your hair?" I asked her.

"No, let’s just go downstairs with it wet. Bring your brush though, k?"

"Okay," I said. We both headed downstairs toward the living room with our hair brushes in hand. We both sat down on the larger sofa in the living room. I started brushing my hair when I got settled — I didn’t really want it to get tangled or anything. Amy started brushing her hair as well.

Amy’s parents had us pick out a movie and we just all kind of vegged on the movie until 10pm. At that point we started recording the news, and watched our interview go out on the air again. This copy was actually a little longer and both of the news anchors commented, ‘impressive.’

My parents called about that time and I talked to them about what had happened today. I thought about leaving out the details about the swimsuit, but I thought I could present it as a funny story since they would probably hear about it one way or another. Mom and Dad gave me a hard time about it, but the shock was not as high as I thought it would be. They both unexpectedly took it in stride. I decided that was a good thing. Maybe Tiffany might have a future someday after all?

My parents and I talked for a while and at the end my mom asked, "Can you hand the phone to Mrs. Hancock?"

"Sure, I love you guys, goodnight!"

"Mrs. Hancock my parents want to talk to you." I said handing her the cordless phone I’d been talking to them on.

"Okay Brandon." She said while taking the phone.

I heard her say ‘hi’ and saw her walk back to her office again to talk. That was kind of strange.

Amy and I kept watching movies and TV that night till we both fell asleep on the couch. At about 2:30 am Mrs. Hancock came by and prodded us up to bed. As soon as I hit the bed I was right back asleep.

Saturday Amy and I were allowed to sleep in till we woke up, which ended up being at 11:30. The story of our project was on the front page of the newspaper — slow day. The paper made the film sound so much cooler than I thought it was. Mrs. Hancock went to the grocery store and bought several more papers so that we could all have copies for our ‘scrapbooks.’

For the rest of the day we enjoyed being kids, playing her Playstation, playing with her Barbies, and watching TV/movies. We stayed up late again that night, but didn’t really do a whole lot except talk and giggle. Sunday evening came quickly and Mom came to get me.

While I put my stuff in the car my mom talked to her mom for a bit. Finally pulling me away from talking with Amy (I’d given up that she was going to finish whatever they were talking about — she had told me to go away for a bit). I told them thanks again for everything and then we drove to our house.

When I entered my bedroom with my stuff that day it was a bit of a let down. I had a couple stuffed animals still, but not many. My walls were basically a blank white with a few pictures and awards here and there. During the five days I’d spent in Amy’s room I had grown accustomed to having that girl presence in the décor. ‘Oh well, maybe eventually I could decorate my room like Amy’s,’ I thought to myself as I fell asleep.
 
 
Chapter 16
 
 

ON MONDAY MOM made me come home instead of going to Amy’s house. She figured Amy’s parents must be sick of me by then. They must not have been too sick of me though, because Amy and her parents stopped by at seven and rang the door bell.

"Amy!" I said excitedly. I’d been kind of down that I wasn’t hanging out with her tonight.

My mom came from the kitchen, "Come on in, how are you guys?"

"We’re doing well." Her dad answered.

"Good." They sat down on the couch and side lazy boy chairs, while Amy and I sat down on the floor on the other side of the coffee table.

"So what’s going on?" I asked Amy.

"Actually, I don’t know. This was Dad’s idea to come over — he refused to tell me what it’s about."

Mr. Hancock must have heard us talking because he started, "Well, now that I have both of you in one spot I’ll tell you at the same time, okay?"

"Okay?" I asked. Amy nodded. Apparently she must have been really pestering her dad to find out.

He actually started to talk to my mom first. "Did Brandon tell you that I called a friend of mine that works in the legal department of Mattel?"

"No?"

"Sorry, I forgot to tell you," I told her. I’d been too busy feeling miserable about not having a girls bedroom.

"On Friday I called a friend of mine from law school that works at Mattel. The school seems to want to make the kids’ film a big deal and wants to promote their work, so I wanted to make sure their company would be okay with it. After talking to him I sent him a copy of their video. That’s all that Brandon and Amy know so far."

"Not for lack of trying." Amy whispered to me.

"Okay," my mom said. "So did you hear back from him already?"

"Yes, today he called back first this morning at eleven. He was chuckling and told me he was genuinely impressed with their work. After talking for a few minutes, he asked some questions like ‘whether or not they did this project on their own or not.’ After we talked for a bit he said he was going to walk it down to one of the executives."

"Wow," I said.

"So, what happened," Amy fairly begged.

"He called back at three and said that there are several execs at the company that would like to meet with the four of you on Wednesday night. They want to take all of you, plus your parents, to dinner."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah. I don’t know why, but I guess they were really impressed with the film you guys made. They also asked me for addresses for you guys. They wanted to send each of you something. I made sure that it wasn’t some sort of lawsuit first and then gave them the addresses."

"What are they sending?" Amy asked.

"I have no idea. I don’t think he even knew then. So, do you guys think you can make the Wednesday night meeting?" He asked my Mom.

"We should be able to. Where are we going to meet?"

He named off a restaurant name and I was fairly shocked. "That’s probably the most expensive restaurant in town…" My mom said. It was an extremely expensive restaurant that our family had never been to.

"They’re buying, and apparently they’ve eaten there before and liked it." Mr. Hancock said.

"Well if they’re buying…" Mom said.

"Cool," Amy and I said together. We looked at each other and started giggling.

"So what’s so funny you two?" My mom asked.

Mrs. Hancock answered, "I think it’s just how frequent the two of them have been doing that. They’ve been finishing each others sentences and saying the same thing for the better part of three days now!" She laughed a bit herself.

We all talked for another twenty minutes or so before they left to go back home. I worked on some homework I’d needed to finish and got on the phone for a little bit while Mom talked to Dad. They were driving Grandpa home tomorrow. Since they lived about forty minutes away Mom was going to go pick Dad up from their house.

"Mom can I go with you to pick him up?"

"You’d have to miss school," she said to me.

I looked at her and said, "But I really want to see Grandpa. I’ve been really worried about him."

"I guess we’ll make it work somehow. You’re going to have to go to school in the morning though."

"Why do I have to go at all if I’m only going to be there for half-a-day?" I tried. I really did want to see Grandpa, but at the same time who doesn’t want out of school? Plus I had a test first hour.

"We don’t need to go till later. I don’t want you missing any more school than you have to."

Mom ended up calling her boss and getting the afternoon off — she was going to pick me up just before lunch from school. I tried getting out of the whole school day again later, but she somehow knew that I had a test first hour. Couldn’t I get away with anything?

When we got done talking about all of this I got back to my homework and then watched some TV till I went to bed. That night I kept trying to think of what Mattel could be sending us. Would they send us toys? If so would they realize I was a boy? If not would I be able to get my very own set of Barbies? Or something? When I fell asleep that night I had tons of dreams of my room being full of Barbies and other toys.

THE NEXT DAY our group talked outside about what we thought might happen next Wednesday. We were all really excited, and hoped that it would be something really cool. Just before lunch I was called to the office. Mom was there to check me out. We ate a quick lunch at home before driving over to my grandparents place.

They lived outside of a small town on part of my grandmother’s old family ranch. It had originally been a very large property of several hundred acres, but they had sold off bits of it until they only had fifteen acres now. We figured we were going to beat them to their place by about an hour so that would give us some time to make sure everything was ready for them.

Mom and I got busy making my grandfather’s bedroom as ready as we could so that he could be comfortable. We were just sitting down to kill some time watching TV as they drove up. We went out to help them get him inside.

"Grandpa!" I gave him a soft hug since I didn’t want to hurt him.

"Brandon, it’s good to see you."

I then gave Grandma a hug.

"It’s good to see you sweetie," she told me returning my hug.

We helped them get Grandpa inside and got him settled into a recliner in the living room. "How are you feeling Grandpa?" I asked him.

"I’ve been better before." He said with a wry smile. "But, I’m still here — and I definitely feel better than I did a few days ago."

"Good."

"And how are you doing?" Grandma asked me.

"Great, I’ve had several really cool things happen in the past few weeks at school." They had heard about most of this stuff, but they listened attentively anyway.

Grandma asked my Mom, "What do you think they want to meet with you all about?"

"Mr. Hancock has no idea. It could be interesting though, if nothing else it sounds like we’re going to get a really good meal out of the deal."

"Yeah. I’ll make sure that I’m not on call that night," My dad said.

We all talked for about thirty more minutes before we all gave Grandpa hugs and headed towards the car. At the driveway I gave Grandma a hug. "I like your hair," she told me.

"Thanks." I replied.

"How long are you going to grow it to?" She asked.

"Probably not a whole lot more. I like this length I think." I told her.

"Well it looks very nice. Have a safe trip home sweetie, and we’ll see you again in a couple weeks, okay?" We gave each other another hug and I got in the car.

The drive home was fairly quiet since Dad fell asleep from fatigue about three minutes into the drive. We arrived back home into our town at about 5:30, stopping by Burger King for a Whopper for each of us before going to our house.

It was another quiet evening that night. I didn’t do a whole lot other than talk to Amy on the phone for a bit. I ended up making arrangements to go to Amy’s house the next day before getting back to homework and going to bed.

THE NEXT WEEK went by very quickly. I had hung out at Amy’s house half of the time, and she had come over to our house the other days. When I was at Amy’s house I had put on some of her clothes each day while we were doing our homework or playing. Each day I switched back to my clothes in plenty of time before anyone came home.

Each day that I wore Amy’s clothes I didn’t dress up in anything ridiculously dressy or out of place. Instead I wore something that Amy would typically wear to school. Most of the time I actually ended up wearing what she was planning to wear the next day — just so that her mom couldn’t tell that there was a lot of extra laundry or something. Every one of those days was special to me as I was able to be who I really felt I was.

Amy had also invited me to an ‘end of the year’ slumber party that she was having that next week on Friday. Besides me, Ashley, Nikki, and several other girls were invited. I didn’t know the others as well. But, they were all going on the trip with us, and I’d never had any major problems with any of them. I had no idea what to expect on Friday night, I just knew that it would probably be a really good time.

Mrs. Hancock had made sure it was okay with the girls’ parents that a boy would be there — some had grumbled a little but went along with it. Amy and her mom had been shopping and preparing for the event for the better part of six days already by the time we got to our Wednesday meeting.

Dad had actually gotten off of work early that night so that we could be sure that we met up with the executives at the proper time. Mom made me wear a button up shirt and black slacks for the meeting. Dad had gotten out a suit that he rarely wore for the occasion. He looked really nice in it. Mom looked really pretty in a dress that she had bought for the occasion. I noticed she was also wearing a really pretty sapphire necklace that she had inherited from her grandmother. I was sure it was only the second time I’d ever seen her wear it. She’d never told me how much it was worth, but I had the feeling it was a really expensive heirloom.

Amy and the girls all came in dresses — I was really jealous that I wasn’t getting to wear the same thing. All of the other moms had also dressed up for the occasion. You could tell by the way everyone dressed that they all were excited about the meeting and the meal.

Mr. Hancock’s friend — Al — was the first person that we saw. The two of them exchanged handshakes and backslaps before introducing everyone to each other. There were four other people from the corporation there. The first was actually the CEO… I couldn’t believe that part. He asked that we call him Billy. There was also the head of their Marketing department - Dave, the head of their Barbie division - Lilly, and a lady who was Billy’s ‘executive assistant’ — Amanda.

We sat down at the table and the waiter took our drink orders.

"Well let’s get down to some business shall we?" ‘Billy’ said after some small talk. We were all already munching on some appetizers at that point.

"Okay," Mr. Hancock answered.

"When Al showed us the video you girls had made we were completely shocked by how good it was. We usually get about three dozen films a year that people send in trying to get something out of us for it. Al told us you just wanted to make sure that we would be okay with you showing it elsewhere. We all quickly decided that was fine, but we decided that we needed to do more."

"Okay. Like what, sir?" I asked politely.

"Well, first of all we sent a package to each of your houses, have you gotten them yet?"

We shook our heads.

"Well it should be there tomorrow then. Amanda, can you check on that tomorrow?" He asked her off to the side.

"Yes." She said simply.

"Anyway, there’ll be some things for each of you arriving — but we wanted to see if perhaps we could reach a deal for the film itself."

"What kind of deal?" My dad asked.

"We would like to be able to use the film for a series of long commercials on one of the cable networks. We’d also like to sponsor its entry into a couple of film festivals this year. Does that sound like something you all would be interested in?" He asked.

Mr. Sanders took this one. "If we do this what are you willing to offer?"

"First we’ll give each of the kids a two-thousand dollar savings bond for college — there are four of you involved in this project right?" Billy asked us.

"Yes," Amy said.

"And?" Mr. Sanders asked.

"We’ll give them each twenty-thousand dollars in cash too."

"Whoa." Amy and I said together. I heard Ashley and Nikki gasp.

"You’re planning on showing this on TV networks?" Mr. Hancock asked.

"Yes."

"And you’re hoping maybe that the film will get picked up by a studio for distribution through the film festivals?" Mr. Sanders asked.

"Well, we could distribute it ourselves, but we want to see what kind of a reaction and buzz that we can generate with it first." Lilly said.

"Fair enough," Mr. Sanders said. "But that does mean we should be talking more for the film."

I was aghast… How could he push our luck with this?

"What would you consider to be a fair offer?" Billy asked.

Mr. Sanders and Mr. Hancock spoke to each other in low tones for a quick minute before Mr. Hancock said, "Well… We would think at least seventy-thousand dollars each initially. Plus twenty-five percent of any gross box office/VHS sales that happen."

I couldn’t believe it. I trust Mr. Hancock a lot, but it seemed like he was blowing this opportunity for us.

"That’s a little steep Mr. Hancock." Lilly said.

"Not really. When you consider the fact that these kids did all of the production work for you and that your only expenditure would be promotion of the film. In all honesty it’s still highway robbery for you." Mr. Sanders replied.

"You make a good point, but we still can’t pay that much. We will also have to license the Nancy Drew brand and deal with licensing fees for the music they used. How about fifty-thousand dollars each — and twenty-percent?" Billy suggested.

Mr. Hancock and Mr. Sanders both huddled for a couple moments again before saying, "We’ll go for that as long as you also throw in trips to those festivals and let the kids show it at the State school board meeting next month."

"I think that can be arranged." They shook hands and Al wrote up a contract for those terms at the table real quick. After looking it over all of our parents signed the contract as well as us. We really didn’t have to sign it, since it didn’t make a legal difference one way or another, but they asked us to.

We completed this all before our dinner came. Once dinner came we ate in relative quiet. The adults all talked with each other as we chatted amongst ourselves. Eventually Lilly tried to engage us with some conversation. She seemed interested in how and why we came up with the project we did.

"Well, we thought a video was far better than having to talk for all that time in class. So we settled on the video idea pretty quickly." I said.

"Then we came up with the idea of using Barbies for the characters in the movie." Amy said.

"And then we just got really lucky that my dad works for a TV studio." Ashley added.

"And Brandon, you were okay doing it with Barbies?" She asked me.

"Sure, why wouldn’t I be?" I replied. I was wondering where she was going with this.

"It’s just you’re not our normal target audience for dolls, and I’m trying to figure out if there’s something we can do to change that." She said.

"No, I doubt you’ll change that." I told her honestly.

"Probably not," she replied. She had kind of a strange look in her eye still, but the conversations moved on. After we finished dinner we had a sort of ‘ceremonial’ toast about the contract over dessert. The adults all had champagne, while we all had sparkling cider. They had brought out the cider in the same glasses though — which made us all feel cool.

"Well it’s been great meeting you all and doing business with you." Billy said.

"Thank you so much for coming out here and taking this interest," My dad said. I think my parents were in a state of shock — I know I was. There were some final details such as arranging to send in the master of our film on the Beta tape I had. After that was done we all kind of filed out and the Mattel Corporation officers left in a limousine. We all stood by our cars while they drove off.

"YES!!!!" I screamed and found that my voice was joined by those of the other girls. We gave each other all big hugs. Something we had done in two days had earned us more money than my parents had ever had at once.
 
 
Chapter 17
 
 

MY PARENTS HAD finally snapped out of the shock about the time that we had our screaming session. They were absolutely ecstatic about the sale that we had made.

We talked about what to do with the money on our way home. We decided that for now it was going to go into an account that was going to earn interest, and we’d do something more long-term with it in a month or so. I had offered to pay off the house, but they seemed to think it had other places that would be better to put it into.

We called my grandparents as soon as we got home, they couldn’t believe the news either. It was still early enough to have gone out for ice cream or something to celebrate, but given we were already full from dinner that didn’t seem that appetizing an idea. Instead we just sat around and excitedly talked about the evening until Mom and Dad forced me to go to bed.

The next day I went to school and things seemed normal. A silent pact had been formed between the four of us not to say anything to the other kids about our experience last night. Telling them could only mean trouble we had decided. Since we couldn’t talk to everyone else about what happened the night before, all we talked about at lunch was the slumber party the next night.

"What are we going to do?" I asked Amy.

"All sorts of things! But I’m not telling you or anyone else what until Friday night." She said mischievously.

"Come on Amy..."

"Nope, you’re just going to be surprised like everyone else!" She stuck her tongue out at me.

"Oh, I have one of those too," I stuck mine out. We both started giggling and the other girls just looked at us and shook their heads.

Ashley asked, "Are you two sure you aren’t twins that were separated at birth?"

"Fairly," I answered. I had never given it much thought, but most of the time that we were out together doing stuff most people probably assumed we were sisters.

We had a fairly quick day and Amy came to my house after school. When we walked back from the bus stop I looked over and saw a large box sitting outside the door. As I got closer I saw there were actually two boxes sitting there.

"Brandon this must be the stuff that Mattel sent us!" Amy exclaimed.

"You’re right. Help me get it inside and we’ll see what it is." I said as I reached over and picked up one of the boxes. Actually I should say tried to pick up one of the boxes. It was heavier than I expected, and bulky. I decided to open the door first then pick it up again to carry it in.

I got that box inside the door and Amy brought her box inside too. "Brandon why don’t we take these to your room to open?"

"Okay." I replied.

‘Easier said than done,’ I thought for a second as I picked the box back up. It was large and I figured it weighed at least fifty pounds. It took me several minutes to get it into my room and set it on the open floor area in there. She sat hers next to the one I had while I grabbed a pair of scissors to open them up. We decided to open the heavy one first, ‘just what was inside of it?’

As I got the flaps of that box open I saw another box inside that had a pink exterior. Could it be? Could I really have received a set of girls’ toys of my own?

Amy helped me pull the inner box out and we found a huge, really expensive, really nice doll house. "Wow Brandon, you won’t have to come over to my house to play Barbies anymore."

"No I guess I won’t will I?"

"What else is inside of here?" She asked as she dug through the box. We found several sets of doll furniture inside. "Wow, this is a really nice doll house set. I think it’s nicer than the one I have!"

"Well you’re probably going to find this same doll house sitting at your house." I replied. "Let’s see what’s in the other box." I said excitedly.

A few cuts later and I found that they had given me eighteen dolls in that box, featuring most of the Barbie characters. Amy was ecstatic upon looking at all of the dolls that were in there. "Brandon, this one is going to be a huge collector’s item. They are already over seventy-dollars new! And this one too! Wow…" She went on for a while.

We inventoried that box finding that there were six collector’s dolls, and the rest were all okay to play with. Inside that box were also several fashion sets of clothes for all of them to wear. I was absolutely in heaven, but what would my parents say?

"Amy, I doubt my parents will let me keep these."

"Why?"

"Well they’re probably going to say that it’s rather strange for a boy to have a doll house and Barbies — especially one my age. I mean you even get some razzing for still playing with them." I said.

"Who cares? Tell your parents it’s like a trophy for a trophy case. Your parents can’t really argue with you about that. I mean after all, think of how much money this Barbie project earned you."

"I guess you’re right."

"Besides, this is part of who you are Tiffany." She said.

"Thanks Amy," I replied. "Well, why don’t we wait until my mom gets home before we do anything more okay? She’d kill me if she missed out on doing something with these dolls and stuff."

Amy laughed, "Yeah, I think that you’re right on that." We left all of the toys on the floor of my room, still in their boxes, and went to sit out in the living room and watch TV while we worked on our homework. My mom came home about thirty minutes later.

"Hey Amy, Brandon, how as your day?"

"It was good." I replied.

"Did the package come from those execs?" She asked.

"Umm… yeah, it did."

"Well what was it?"

"Why don’t you come see for yourself?" I said as I led her down to my room.

"Oh my… Wow! This is a gorgeous doll house. I would have killed to have had one of these when I was little." She looked over all of the dolls and all the clothes and dollhouse furniture. "So do I have to say goodbye to these or what?" She asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well are you giving them to Amy?"

"Why would I do that when she should have an identical set sitting at her house?"

"I don’t know. You hadn’t gotten them out yet though."

"You mean you wouldn’t mind if I kept them?" I asked incredulously.

"No. I think this is a great way for you to remember this experience." She said. A second later after a hesitation she added, "And, I happen to know you’ve been playing Barbies with Amy at her house. I wasn’t going to go out and buy you Barbies, but seeing as how they’re already here…"

I was shocked! I hugged her and said, "Thanks Mom. I figured you were going to make me give them away or something."

"And deprive myself of the chance to have this doll house and these dolls in this house?" She asked. "Well come on, let’s get to putting this all together. I think we can have some fun with this!" She seemed excited about it all.

We started opening the packaging of the dolls (talk about a pain in the butt!), and setting up the doll house. We eventually set the doll house up in a corner of my room on the floor. We tried putting it on top of the dresser, but it made it way too tall to do anything with, and it also blocked the window. We worked on getting the dolls and furniture set up inside of the house until 5:30 when Amy’s mom came to get her.

"Brandon, tomorrow when you come to the sleepover, bring two of your Barbies okay?" Amy asked.

"Umm... Okay. Hey give me a call later and let me know if you got the same thing or not?"

"Okay, talk to you in a bit then." Amy said. As she left Amy gave me a wink so as to say, ‘see?’ I just smiled at her in return as she got into her mom’s car.

"Mom?"

"Yes sweetie?"

"Is Dad going to be alright with me keeping that dollhouse?"

"Yes. We already talked about it."

"What?" I said surprised, "What do you mean you already talked about it?"

"Well when we heard they were sending you something we had a feeling it would probably be Barbies or something like it. I asked your dad if it was if he was okay if you kept them and he said yes."

"Really?"

"Yes sweetie. It’s a great way to remember this by. Now go get washed up. I’m going to have dinner ready here in a few minutes.

"Okay Mom." I said as I went to go wash my hands. What was going on? That was far easier than it ever should have been!

That night Dad came home and mom showed him what they had sent. I watched his face and read something, I wasn’t sure what it was, but it went away as quick as I saw it. A second later he looked at me and said, "Well, looks like a nice memento from your project." Everyone seemed to be following that same party line. At least I was getting to keep them!

"Speaking of which, they said the check should arrive tomorrow during the day. If it’s here when you come home Brandon, please put it in the safe and lock it, okay?"

"Sure Dad. Are you sure you guys don’t want me to pay off the house with it?" I asked.

"Yes Brandon, that money has other uses like paying for your college and such. And maybe in a few years it’ll help pay for a car for you to drive." He added.

"Well okay." I said. "Do you know what we want to do with it until then?"

"Well I talked with a tax guy today and he figures that we need to go ahead and pay twenty-thousand in taxes on it to be safe. We should hopefully get at least five thousand of that back since you’re under eighteen. The thing that may really throw things for a loop is the twenty-percent revenue. If that turns out to be anything — and Mr. Hancock and Mr. Sanders believe it will — it should add up to a lot of extra money."

"How much do those two think that could bring in?" I asked.

"Well they’re thinking that it could end up making it onto the front of a movie at some point this year. If it does there’ll be a revenue split. If, you’re even talking of a box office/vhs revenue of a million-dollars, that’s another fifty grand for each of you."

"Cool." I said.

We all talked for a while that night before Mom told me to go ahead and pack my stuff for the next night. I filled an extra backpack with clothes and stuff, along with two of the Barbie dolls like Amy had asked. For good measure I also put some outfits and accessories inside a Ziploc bag to take with me. I couldn’t help but smile as I enjoyed being able to choose which Barbie I would take. They were all my very own Barbies! And, so many dolls to choose from!

That night when I went to bed I saw something else in the doll house’s presence that pleased me. It was the first girls’ item decorating my room! With that thought I couldn’t help but smile as I went to sleep.
 
 
Chapter 18
 
 

THAT DAY ALL of the girls were talking about the end of the year slumber party Amy was hosting. When some of the girls who weren’t invited, but thought they were in the ‘in crowd,’ found out that I had been invited they were jealous. I had several girls make catty comments to me that morning before we were let out at noon.

I honestly didn’t care. I was Amy’s best friend; of course she was going to invite me! Besides I was a girl too… they just didn’t know that yet.

We had yearbook signing that morning, and I was surprised and impressed with the number of people who signed my yearbook. Not only that, but they were giving genuinely kind and decent comments to me in my yearbook. I had a lot of fun that last half day. Looking back at the year I couldn’t believe how much things had actually improved. The beginning of the year had easily been one of the darkest times of my life, but things were beginning to look up.

When noon came, and we were released, everyone let out shouts of joy for our freedom. I took the bus home so I could get my stuff together for the slumber party. Amy went to her house to get everything ready, and I told her I’d get there as soon as I could to help.

When I got home I looked through the mail and found something from the Mattel Corporation that could have been a check. I put it in the safe as I was asked. Then I began pacing about at home for about an hour before my mom came home. "Sweetie, do you have everything for tonight?" She asked me.

"Yes Mom. Now can you go ahead and take me over there?"

"I guess let’s go." We got in the car to go over there.

We got there at 1:45 and I went in to find Amy working on some decorations. Mom talked with Mrs. Hancock for a minute and offered to help out with the sleepover. Mrs. Hancock told her she had everything covered, so Mom went ahead and left a few minutes later.

"Hey Brandon set your sleeping bag up in the living room, and then come help me out over here okay?" Amy said as she left.

Once I had my sleeping bag out, I helped her put balloons up around the living room and do some other decorations. I was really amazed with how many things that they had done since I’d been over Tuesday. We worked on stuff until 3:30 when she decided that we were done. The girls were all supposed to arrive at 4-4:30.

"So what all are we doing today?" I asked.

"You think I’m going to tell you now?" She said teasingly.

"Well… I was kind of hoping…" I teased back.

"Okay, here’s my plan of events. First thing that we’ll do when everyone gets here is have a scavenger hunt. Then we’re going to have dinner, play with Barbies for a while, so that we can go swimming next without getting cramps, then twister, watch a movie, and all sorts of other things!"

"Sounds like fun." I replied.

"Oh it will be! Umm... Brandon?"

"What?"

"Before tonight starts I want to promise you that no matter what goes on tonight you can trust the girls that are here." I got a little nervous, ‘what did she mean by that?’ I asked myself. ‘On one hand I was reassured that she thought I could trust them… but why would I need to trust them?’

"Even Lindsey and Amber?" I asked as I tried to figure it out in my head.

"Even Lindsey and Amber. I wouldn’t have invited them unless I knew that I could trust having them over. I thought about just having it be the 4 of us from the film, but I decided 2 more people would make it more fun."

"That’s fine, if you trust them I trust them. Just out of curiosity why are you telling me this?"

"Well… I’m also planning on us doing some other girly stuff."

"Like?" I asked while thinking to myself, ‘This must have been what she was talking about?’

"Well we’re going to do everyone’s nails, hair, and makeup for starters!" She said with a big smile on her face.

"And you’re sure Lindsey and Amber won’t make fun of me for this? Or tell anyone from school?"

"I’m more than sure. If you don’t mind I’m kind of thinking of you as one of the girls tonight." She said.

"That’s fine… I’m honored…" I added the last bit while really trying not to tear up. I couldn’t think of anything else I could possibly say to thank her.

"Brandon, you really are my best friend in the whole world." She said while giving me a quick hug.

"And you’re definitely mine." I replied, hugging her back.

"Okay, let’s go finish setting up some stuff upstairs in my playroom!" She said.

For the next twenty minutes we set up her new dollhouse and a couple others into a ‘neighborhood.’ At 3:50 her mom came upstairs to find us.

"So Brandon, how was the last day of school?" She hadn’t really talked to me much as I’d come in as she’d been distracted by my mom.

"Great, it was the last day, how else could it be?" I stated.

"I agree, it’s the beginning of summer, what could go wrong with that?" Amy asked.

"Well, I’m going to work on setting up the scavenger hunt, okay?"

"Sure. Do you need anything from us?" I asked her.

"Nothing except for you guys to stay in the living room to wait for the others to get here. Please don’t come outside so it can be a surprise for all of you." She said mysteriously.

"Okay," Amy said.

Once she walked downstairs we started down ourselves. "So Amy, your mom planned the scavenger hunt?"

"Uh-huh. I know of a few things that we’re going to have to find, but where and what exactly for certain I don’t know." We talked about some other things downstairs while we waited.

The first person to arrive was Ashley at 4:10. Then the others all trickled in until everyone was there by 4:30. We were all chatting loudly when Amy’s mom came into the living room where we were.

"Okay guys, I need you to listen to a few rules alright?"

We all nodded.

"First off, everyone will be sleeping on the floor — no one on couches or beds okay?"

"Yes ma’am," a couple of the girls answered.

"Next, if you need to go home for whatever reason let me know and I’ll let you use the phone. Please don’t go in to get food anytime you want, ask first. Lights will be out at 1am at the latest. Once lights are out please try and sleep. Let’s see what else… Do not run around the swimming pool, and don’t dive in the shallow end. If you sit in the jacuzzi don’t stay in for more than ten minutes — I don’t want anyone getting dehydrated. Please be nice to each other and have fun okay?" She said.

We all nodded.

"Okay, I’m going to help you guys start one activity, then I’ll be mostly out of your hair. Amy wanted to have a scavenger hunt, and to make it more fair, I’ve set it up so she doesn’t know what’s where. You’ll all be competing on an individual basis, the first person to find all of their items will get this teddy bear." She said holding up a large teddy bear. "All of the items you have to find have your name on them and will be useable tonight okay?"

"Sounds like fun Mrs. Hancock," Lindsey said.

"Okay then, here’s your first clue. Don’t open it until the count of three okay?" She said handing each of us an envelope. I had a feeling that this was going to be a lot of fun. Amy definitely would still have an advantage, but I should be a close second to her advantage with as much time as I had spent here. "All of the items are hidden outside. So don’t come inside until everyone is done okay?" She led us outside and gave us each a big cloth bag to hold our ‘loot.’

"Everyone ready? Then one-two-three, Go!" She said.

I quickly opened up my clue. I read it for a second and then realized that it was leading me over to the wall on the side of the house. I ran over there with Amy right in front of me. Behind a bush there in a plastic Ziploc was a white pillow case and another clue.

That clue led me to a bush on the opposite side of the yard. I actually beat Amy there by about twenty seconds! At that location I found a plastic bag containing a couple colors of fabric paint. I opened that clue and stared for a couple moments. At this point the other girls were catching up, and Amy had taken off in a run in one direction. Oh duh! The trash can!

I got to the next spot about twenty seconds after Amy and found a bag with two colors of nail polish. I put all of the stuff inside the cloth bag and opened up this newest clue. It led to a water spigot that Amy and I arrived basically at the same time to. This location gave up a couple of small bubble bottles and led to the bottom of a swing set that was on the side of her yard.

There I found two tubes of lip gloss and a note that led to the front of the house. At this point Amy and I had built up a decent lead, and I ran at full speed to try and beat her! At that location I found a small makeup kit that had a bunch of different things in it. ‘Boy, Amy wasn’t kidding about the girls stuff today was she?’ I thought to myself.

I found a towel at another spot along the front of the house before it led me back to the back. On top of the swing set I found a pair of pink pajamas in a Ziploc that had my name on it. I threw them into my bag. The clue led to the changing room they had outside the pool and I slid down slide on the swing set to make it there — it said it was the final object. Amy tripped behind me. Seeing that she was alright I opened the door and grabbed the final object — a one piece swimsuit with my name on it again.

By this point I was breathing really hard. I sat down on a lawn chair beside the pool while the rest of the group finished up. I looked at my watch and was surprised to see that all of that had actually taken a while — it was already five.

I was still sitting there when the last girl — Nikki — finished. I looked at the stuff that was inside my bag and remembered that there was a girl’s swimsuit and pair of pajamas for me in there. All of the girls gathered by the pool and we all looked at the booty. Amy’s mom came out and handed me the teddy bear.

"I can’t believe you beat me Brandon," Amy said with a smirk and a stuck out tongue.

"Neither can I." I replied.

I looked at the swimsuit and pajamas. They both had Ariel from The Little Mermaid on them. They all had a base of pink for the color.

"Brandon," Amy’s mom said speaking to me, "I got a set of pajamas and a swimsuit for you for the scavenger hunt, but you don’t have to wear them if you don’t want to." She said with a smile.

"Come on Brandon, if you wear them we’ll all be identically dressed!" Nikki said.

"Yeah," the other girls all insisted. "That would be so cool!" one of the girls said. Amy just nodded her head — I could tell she was being careful.

"Well… If I do this you can’t tell anyone about this, okay?" I said.

"Okay we all pinky promise," Ashley said. In turn I ended up getting all of their pinky’s in that most sacred of vows.

"Okay then," Amy said. "First things first, Mom is the pizza here?"

"Yes it is if you all want to come in to eat." She said.

When we entered I saw that she had added a huge Barbie party banner in the living room that said ‘congratulations,’ to the four of us.

"Mom, where did you get that?" Amy asked.

"I had it made a couple weeks ago when I figured out that you were going to win the class project."

"Thanks Mrs. Hancock, it’s really cute!" Nikki said.

The six of us all sat down at the table in the dining room to eat the pizzas that she had bought. You know, I never would have guessed that six girls — uh… five girls and a boy… could eat so many pizzas! When we were done eating Amy said, "Look, why don’t we all go play Barbies for a while in my playroom upstairs until the food settles. Then we can go swimming!"

Everyone agreed with this plan, bringing their two Barbies up to her playroom. Ashley and Nikki both commented on how the doll houses that they received were all identical. I did notice for the first time though that they had sent some different furniture sets to Amy than I had gotten.

"Brandon have you always had Barbie Dolls?" Lindsey asked.

"Umm… no… Mattel sent us each a set of them and these doll houses this week for our project."

"So you got one too?" Nikki asked.

"Yeah… I didn’t know what to do with it really, but my parents and I decided that it would be worth hanging onto as a memento of our film." We then filled in Lindsey and Amber into some of the details of the deal we had gotten. We didn’t tell them about the exact figure.

"Wow that’s really cool. I’m glad that you all got that lucky set of breaks." Amber said.

"Thanks" I replied.

We played with the Barbies upstairs for about thirty minutes before Amy dragged us all away. She told us to go ahead and get into our swimsuits. I used ‘my’ bathroom upstairs to do so. I tucked in stuff again so that maybe the girls wouldn’t see anything that could disturb them.

Surprisingly, the only comment any of the girls made came from Lindsey, "Brandon, you look really cute in that." She was being serious. We all jumped into the pool, and I pitied Amy’s Mom. She may have done something really cute by doing the identical clothing stuff, but I didn’t know how she would ever be able to tell us apart in the pool!

We swam in the pool for forty-five minutes or so and then Amy suggested that we all sit for a little bit in the Jacuzzi. Once we were sitting down in there Nikki said, "Brandon, I think we need to find another name for you for tonight…"

"Umm… Okay… Like what?"

Soon it became a big contest to pick a name for me. I kept shaking my head hoping to hold out for Tiffany. I was hoping Amy would figure out a way to put that name out when Lindsey said, "How about Tiffany?"

Amy said, "Ooh I like that! How about it?"

"What do you think of Tiffany?" Nikki asked.

"Well, I guess that one will work. But again no one can tell anyone else alright?" I pleaded.

They all nodded. Amy’s mom came up a few minutes later with the family camera and told us all to huddle together on one side of the jacuzzi. She took several pictures of us like that and told us that it had been ten minutes.

"What now?" Amber asked Amy.

"How about Twister?" Amy suggested.

Everyone chimed in their agreement and we played twister for half an hour. Now I was actually pretty limber for a boy. I’d always been able to stretch really far, and ever since I’d realized I wanted to be a girl, I’d been trying to learn how to do the splits. I pretty much had them down. That being said, I wasn’t even close to being as flexible as Amy and a couple of the other girls were, so I was usually the first one out in the four games we played. I did manage to get into third place on the last game. Her mom had been on the side taking more pictures during that game, and I wondered just how freaky I looked in some of those awkward poses!

Amy suggested that everyone get into the shower real quick to rinse their hair out and then switch into their pajamas. I grabbed the bag with ‘my’ pajamas and took it upstairs with me. Each of the girls paired up with another for the bathroom. Amy told me to come up to her room. Lindsey and Amber used ‘my’ bathroom, and Nikki and Ashley used Amy’s parents’ bathroom.

Amy had suggested that we just get in the shower in our swimsuits and then we could stay in there at the same time. Everyone agreed to this plan including myself. Amy and I were done with washing our hair after about ten minutes. She put a towel around my hair and I did the same with hers. I left then so she could change with us trading places a few minutes later.

Inside the pajama bag I was pleasantly surprised to find a pair of matching panties to the pajamas. I had actually thought about that just before I found them — I had left my underwear downstairs. The pajama set had a top shirt that was like an extra long t-shirt. It had that same color scheme of pink with Ariel on it.

The bottom ‘pants’ weren’t really pants I figured. I thought, ‘they must actually be leggings?’ They had a strap that went underneath the bottom of my feet. There was a set of socks in there to match — I put them on underneath the strap. I wasn’t honestly sure which order they were supposed to go on. Once I put the pajama set on I walked out the door to find that I looked basically identical to Amy. The two of us got the other four into her bedroom next.

While I had been changing Amy had plugged in like 4 curling irons and several blow dryers around the room. "Okay girls, I think we all need to do each other’s hair now, what do you think?"

"Sounds good!" Nikki said. "Can we all work on Tiffany’s hair first?" She asked.

"Yeah, then we’ll all pair up to finish everyone else’s hair." Lindsey suggested.

"Okay! C’mon Tiff, this is going to be fun!" Amy said.

With that they led me to the same spot Amy had done my hair a couple weeks ago. They all huddled for a second and then the craziness began. They must have fussed over my hair for half an hour before declaring me ‘done.’ They took me to the bathroom mirror with my eyes shut and said to open them.

It was actually really impressive.

They had first of all taken the majority of the back of my hair and curled it under like Amy had done before. They had then given me some bangs as well. But from there the creativity had started. I had lots of little spirals of hair here and there that were dangling from my head. They had put tons of other cool little details into it, and the whole effect was stunning. The next thing I knew Amy said, "Tiffany turn around."

The flash of a polaroid camera went off. I honestly couldn’t wait to see that photo!

WE ALL BEGAN working on someone else’s hair at that point. Actually, I helped Amy with Nikki and Lindsey’s hair. They in turn did Amy’s hair. When we had all finished the hair I saw that it was 8pm. Amy’s mom showed up about that time and took a group picture of us in Amy’s playroom with the dollhouses and Barbies behind us. She also took like four individual pictures of us as well in different poses. I discovered that night that she was an amateur photographer — Amy said she was really good.

"What’s next?" I asked.

"Well I think it’s time to do makeup!" Amy said. "Lindsey, can you do everyone?"

"Umm… I guess. I’m not really that good with it." She replied.

"You’re definitely the best here!" Amber said.

I was then informed by Amber that while the rest of the girls were still deemed ‘too young’ to wear makeup, Lindsey had been able to wear it for pageants and stuff since she was three. She also had three older sisters that she did their makeup from time to time as well.

This time we started with Amy and finished up with me. She didn’t make us all out to look like tramps, or little girls putting on makeup, we actually looked pretty. The five of us then worked on her makeup the best we could — with her fixing a few things. When all was said and done it was time for more pictures with the Polaroid and then ‘Mom the photographer.’

I looked at a clock and saw that it was already 8:45! How quickly this night was going! We all went downstairs to the living room to do each other’s finger and toenails in polish next. Amy turned on The Little Mermaid while we were doing it. Amy’s mom walked in at that point and Lindsey asked, "Mrs. Hancock, why did you get The Little Mermaid on the swimsuits and pajamas?"

"Well I looked at first for Barbie, because of their project, but couldn’t find any sizes big enough for you, Amber, and Ashley. Amy, Nikki, and Br… I mean Tiffany are all small enough they could have fit in some of the ‘little’ girl sizes, but you all were too tall." She knew by now that I was going by Tiffany for the rest of the night. I saw a look of inquiry on her face at that point, but she sent it away soon after. "Anyway I then thought since you are all going on the trip, and we’re going to Disney World, that a Disney set would be appropriate."

"That’s so thoughtful of you Mrs. Hancock, thank you so much!" Lindsey said.

We all chimed in our thanks and got back to finishing up the polish jobs. Actually, this had turned into a bit of a contest. I worked on Nikki’s nails and then she worked on mine. The goal was to make decorations above the base coat of nail polish as pretty as you could. We all had sets of little brushes that I tried my best to do something like I saw everyone else doing for Nikki.

Actually my work wasn’t terrible… but it wasn’t as good as Nikki did for me. She painted alternating stars and music notes on my fingernails. Then she painted little hearts and flowers on my toenails. She also painted the words — Barbie Girl on my big toes. After everyone’s nails had dried we got Mrs. Hancock in there to judge. I thought Nikki had done an impressive job on mine — but somehow Lindsey had put everyone to shame on what she had done on Ashley’s nails.

We all had a good laughing session and got out some board games while the movie finished up. It was then about 10:15 and everyone was kind of running out of steam. Amy decided we had time for the last activity — painting pillow cases.

Each of us took our pillowcases, combining the paint collection, and painted some sort of main design on it — including our names in big letters. I almost painted Brandon, but decided what the heck? I painted Tiffany in a scrolling flowery’ish writing that I had been practicing writing for a while.

Then we each walked around signing/writing notes to each other on each of the pillow cases. At the end we looked at our finished pillow case.

I about cried when I looked at mine. That girl named Tiffany had an awful lot of good friends! Every girl had written on it how much fun they’d had with Tiffany. Several even wrote that they hoped they could see her again soon (Lindsey, Amy, Nikki, and Amber).

I actually did start crying a few moments later when Lindsey said, "Tiffany, whether you’re Brandon or Tiffany we all like you a lot." She gave me a hug. "I do think you may make a better Tiffany than a Brandon though!" She smiled. "I’ve never really taken the time to get to know you before now — but I can definitely see why Amy has been hanging out with you so much this semester." They all gathered around me for a bit until I got control of myself.

Thankfully no one asked why I was crying. In all honesty I knew, but I didn’t know myself. Did that make any sense? After all of my hopes and dreams of being a girl — tonight I actually had been one. And, now that I had been introduced as Tiffany to these four other girls — and they had accepted me — it made me think that maybe I could actually go to school as a girl.

There was certainly a large amount of fear involved with that thought though. Would I be able to be safe going to school as Tiffany? I knew that the five most popular girls in the sixth grade were with me right now, but would that be enough?

I got myself together finally a few minutes later. Amy’s mom came in to check on us about that time and suggested that we all go wash the makeup off our faces before watching a movie in our sleeping bags. We all agreed and I started to walk up to Amy’s bathroom where she had some makeup remover for us to use. Mrs. Hancock intercepted me though.

"Are you alright?" she asked me when the other girls were out of earshot.

"Yes… I think." I replied.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked.

"Maybe... sometime… Just not tonight though." I said.

"That’s fine, but if you ever do want to talk about anything, feel free to come see me. You don’t have to come over here just to hang out with Amy you know." She said and gave me a hug.

I nodded then before I ran upstairs and the girls showed me how to take the makeup off my face. Actually, it was already half off when I got up there. The mascara that Amy had put on my face had run down my face badly. Once we all had clean faces — Mrs. Hancock checked us coming down too — we got into our sleeping bags on the floor.

"What are we watching?" I asked Amy.

"The Princess Bride." Lindsey and Amber seemed very happy with this choice, the other three of us had puzzled expressions.

"You mean you’ve never seen this before?" Lindsey asked us.

"Nope," I said.

"Well, I can kind of understand Tiffany not seeing it before… But Ashley? Nikki? Amy quick put it in — you three have to see this movie!" She ordered with a gigantic smile on her face.

The movie went on for a long time it seemed before Amy’s mom came in and checked on us and turned out the lights. It was then that I noticed they had put a couple night lights around the room so we could see if we needed to. I think everyone except Amy and I had nodded off by the time the end of the movie came.

"Amy?" I asked seeing if she was still awake — her sleeping bag was right next to mine.

"Yes Tiff?"

"Thanks."

"Anytime." She replied.

I lay there just enjoying the memories of that afternoon for a long time before falling asleep.
 
 
Chapter 19
 
 

THE NEXT MORNING I heard several of the other girls stirring and walking around. I decided that meant it was time to get up. I pulled myself out of my sleeping bag and sat up. We all gathered around the table for a breakfast that Mrs. Hancock had sat out. There were all sorts of food and things laid out on the table for us to eat, including cereal, bacon, eggs, muffins, and bagels.

"Morning Tiff." Amy said to me.

"Morning." I said.

We all ate and talked animatedly about the fact that we now had just a little under a week before we were going to Florida! "What are you looking forward to most Tiffany?" Nikki asked me.

"Kennedy Space Center. I’ve always loved space and stuff." I replied. "You?"

"Magic Kingdom, I can’t wait to go by the castle!" She said.

Conversations went like that for a while until we all finished breakfast and changed into our regular clothes. We then helped clean up around the house so that everything was as neat as it had been when we had started.

Mrs. Hancock told my mom she could come a bit later than she had told the other girls parents — so I was the last one there. At that point Mrs. Hancock asked, "Brandon what do you want me to do with Tiffany’s swimsuit and pajamas?"

I thought for a second, "Can you keep them here for when I stay over next time?" I asked.

"Sure. You don’t have to wear them again though if you don’t want to." She hedged.

"I know. Thanks for all of that stuff," I said.

"No problem. Hey Amy why don’t you help Brandon get his nail polish off?" She told Amy.

"Come upstairs with me," Amy said. Once we were upstairs she helped me use nail polish remover first on my fingers. When we were done I almost thought about telling her to leave it on the toe nails, but decided I couldn’t do that and wear sandals this week. She removed the stuff on my toes before we just sat and chatted for a while.

After about an hour of talking we heard footsteps coming up the stairs and my mom came in the room with Amy’s Mom. "Brandon, are you ready to go?"

"Yes," I said and headed downstairs with her.

I saw Amy had put on some shoes to leave too. She must have seen that I was curious ‘cause she said, "We’re going to go get pictures developed."

"Brandon, if you want to come over Tuesday to work on scrapbooks with us you could." Mrs. Hancock said.

I looked at Mom and she nodded, "Okay, I’ll be here!" I said to her. I grabbed my sleeping bag and backpack, and then we drove home.

Dad was sitting at the kitchen table when we got home. "Hey, how was the sleepover?" He asked.

"It was great!" I proceeded to tell them about the sleepover. I had thought a little about leaving out some of the parts — but had since decided to just tell them everything.

"So you had fun with them then?" Dad asked. There was definitely something I couldn’t quite read in his eyes.

"Yeah, it was good. It’s probably some of the most fun I’ve ever had." I replied.

Mom jumped in at that point, saying "That’s good honey, why don’t you go take your stuff to your room and put your dirty clothes in the hamper."

"Okay." I replied and took my stuff to my room. The clothes went in the hamper and I went through the rest of the stuff that was in my bag. I found my two Barbie dolls and put them in the doll house. I then remembered I had forgotten the teddy bear I had won from the scavenger hunt. Oh well, I’d be able to get it on Tuesday if not before.

I decided to lay down and read a book on my bed for a bit. I must have fallen asleep because Mom woke me up for dinner that night. After dinner was cleared away Mom served up some bowls of ice cream and we started enjoying it.

"Brandon, your mom and I have something that we need to talk to you about." Dad said.

"Okay. What?" I figured it was going to be something with the trip to Florida.

"Well… We’ve been noticing something as this year has gone on." Dad trailed off towards the end.

"It started with you deciding to grow your hair out." Mom said. "You told us that it was because of the rock star thing, and so we decided to just let you do as you wanted."

"Thank you for letting me do that." I said. I was getting nervous; my intuition was telling me something wasn’t right.

"But Brandon, then some other things have happened… and I don’t want to say we’re worried about you… but we are." My dad said.

"Worried about me how?" I asked. Oh crap… I wasn’t expecting this today.

"Well… Brandon, what would you say if I told you we had to cut your hair?" My mom asked.

"YOU CAN’T CUT MY HAIR!!!!" I practically screamed.

"Hold it." Mom said before I could storm to my room and hide. "I didn’t say we were going to, I asked what you would do if we said you had to cut it. But I guess that was a pretty clear idea of that. Why do you want your hair like this? I don’t believe it’s because of the rock star idea." Mom asked.

"Umm…" Crap, crap, crap… How do I answer this? I felt a cold sweat come over my body, with all of the color draining from my face, I was sure my heart had stopped.

"Your mom and I have our own theory, and I don’t want you to be afraid to tell us. I guarantee no matter what you tell us we’ll still love and support you." Dad said gently. Mom nodded.

I sat there for a moment with a blank look on my face… "Because…" I started crying… "I wish… I want… to be…" I couldn’t go any farther.

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To Be Continued...

 
Synopsis

Brandon is a bright boy growing up near Albuquerque, New Mexico. He likes school, soccer, computer games, and playing in the school band. Small for his age and youngest in his class, his size has made him the target of every school bully for years. Each year the verbal and physical abuse increases, finally wearing him down to the point he doesn't know if he can continue. Just as he reaches the end of his rope, he is suddenly befriended by a classmate he least expected. As their friendship grows and deepens, Brandon learns the value of a best friend and finds himself moving down a road he never expected. Over the course of the school year, his friend helps him discover and cope with his feelings, hopes, dreams - and fears.

This is the story of a young person's unusual journey to stand up to the numerous obstacles that life has dealt him - and to become the person he believes himself to be. (Part 5 of 6)

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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

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The Legal Stuff: Standing Up to Life  © 2008 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2008 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
 
I began this trilogy of novels last year, first publishing this book at FictionMania and Story Site in March last year. Setting out to tell a story I felt I needed to tell, I was pleased that the readers of both sites seemed to enjoy the work. A couple months after I initially posted this book at FictionMania I met a dear friend Carla Ann who offered her services as an editor. With her help I began to go back and proof this book a few months ago for publishing at Lulu.com. More than anything I liked the idea of having a hardback edition of the book for myself, but I felt that perhaps others might enjoy a copy as well.

With that information in mind I am posting a standard copy of this here at BigCloset, and announcing that I have three versions available for purchasing through My Store (www.lulu.com/tiffanyshar) at Lulu.com. There are 6x9 hardback editions and paperback editions, as well as a high quality pdf version available for download. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it from my store. I hope to have it available through Amazon.com in a couple months as well, and will offer to have Erin sell it through her Amazon page at that time.

Thank you to all of you, my amazing readers, who have enjoyed this work in the past. You will discover that this new version is much more refined than what I initially posted a year ago. I hope you all enjoy this and my other novels. I hope to have the second book, Daring to Hope, also available in this form by mid-March, and the third book will hopefully be available this summer! I will make future announcements about Book Three through my Lulu storefront as well.

I will be posting this in six segments during this week. Please enjoy, and thanks for reading!

     -Tiffany Shar

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Chapter 19b
 
 

"A girl?" My mom asked gently.

I nodded and the tears just flew out at this point. Both of my parents hugged me and kept saying reassuring things to me. I cried and cried for the better part of an hour before I finally calmed down.

I had heard my parents trying to get my attention somehow and I hadn’t been able to focus on anything. I heard, "Tiffany." That brought my attention to my Mom’s face.

"Sweetie, do you think you can talk now? Or do you want to wait until tomorrow?" Dad asked.

I didn’t know what to do. My parents said they still loved me, but they would never let me keep my hair now would they? What was worse is they would probably never let me go over to Amy’s house again. They’d also be taking away my Barbies and doll house of course… would they even keep me? Maybe I could go live with Amy’s family…

"Tiffany come back to us." Dad said. He was calling me Tiffany. How did they even know about Tiffany?

I found I was having a hard time trying to even think. Everything just seemed to be spinning around in front of me, and I couldn’t control any of it. As soon as I was sure that I must be stuck like this, I felt my hair being stroked and a hand on my chin. I began to make out my dad’s face as he said, "Tiffany? Please talk to us sweetie." The look on his face scared me — he looked terrified or something, it was a look I’d never seen on anyone’s face before. As I slowly regained my sense, I found that I was now sitting on the floor in the living room. How had I gotten here? I saw that they had moved the coffee table out of the way.

"What?" I managed to ask.

"Sweetie, it’s okay. We really still do love you. Here take a drink." Mom said handing me a glass of water. I managed to take a sip and grimaced at the taste through all of the salt from my tears.

I managed to mutter, "Thanks."

"Do you think you’re alright to talk a little bit now?" Dad asked.

"I’ll try…"

"Look sweetie, why don’t you just listen while I tell you what we know and how long we’ve known, okay?" Mom said. I nodded. "We suspected something about the hair early on, but didn’t say anything. On the ski trip Mrs. Hancock noticed some things and told us about them. She didn’t know anything for certain, but she thought it was something we should know about."

"On the band trip then, when I found out that you had let the girls play with your hair, but didn’t take it all out on the first chance I started looking into things a bit more. Then when Mrs. Hancock found you two playing with Barbies she also decided that there might be something more to it and let me know to keep an eye out for anything else. She also called me one night when you were staying with Amy. She figured out that you two had been playing with your hair again — and it looked like you had been wearing some of Amy’s clip-on earrings." How could she possibly have known that?

"We talked on the phone for a long time that night about everything — and after speaking to your dad — we decided to put a test out there to see if we couldn’t find out for certain. That’s when Mrs. Hancock suggested that you wear Amy’s swimsuit. She said you didn’t exactly jump to it, but you definitely were trying to look like you weren’t jumping to it."

"The final two pieces for us were put in place when you didn’t just give the Barbie stuff away, and went along so easily with last night’s stuff." Mom finished.

I sat there in stunned silence. Not only had they known for a long time, but they had set me up with opportunities to try being a girl. I had always assumed that Dad would beat me senseless or something. He’d talked so many times against ‘queers,’ and I figured I fit that description better than anyone. "So you’re really not mad at me?" I asked.

"No sweetie, we’re not." Dad replied.

"But… you always said…" I stammered.

"Forget what I’ve always said. I’m not saying I understand any of this, but I do think there is more to this than you just being different." He said gently.

"Look sweetie, we both love you very much… and we can tell that there is something to this for you. We want to take you to see someone on Monday."

"A shrink?" I asked.

"Well, in a manner of speaking yes." Mom said.

"Look, before we can do anything with this, we need a professional opinion. This lady has a lot of experience helping out with things like this… and Mrs. Hancock holds her in really high regard. She’s also really nice — we’ve already met with her a couple times." Dad added.

"You already met with her?" I looked at them incredulously. I sat quietly in shock for several moments before saying "Okay, I’ll see her. But, you have to promise me something." I said.

"What?" Dad asked.

"You can’t break up my friendship with Amy, you can’t take away the stuff in my room, and you won’t make me cut my hair if I don’t want to."

"We promise." Mom said quickly.

At that point I started sobbing some more and I don’t really remember anything else from that night.
 
 
Chapter 20
 
 

THE NEXT THING I really remember was waking up in my bed. I was really startled. Did yesterday really happen? I could feel that my face was all salty and I was still in my clothes from yesterday. What could I do now? I know my parents said it was alright… But my life seemed like it was so over. It took a long time, but I finally built up the courage to get out of bed and go to the bathroom.

I finished up in there and found Mom waiting outside. "Do you want to talk?" She asked.

How could she possibly want to talk after all of that? "Not really. Can you just let me sit in my room today without you guys bothering me?" I asked.

"I don’t think that’s a great idea Bran… I mean Tiffany. I… What do you want us to call you?" Mom asked with a really worried expression on her face.

"Tiffany." I whispered very quietly.

"Tiffany, I don’t want you to be in your room alone today. If you want, I’ll help you move your dollhouse into the living room so you can play with it in there."

"You’re not just doing this so you guys can get rid of it are you?" I asked.

"No, we made you a promise. I’m just worried about you and don’t want to see you alone today, okay?"

"Okay." I said. She and Dad helped me out with the dollhouse and I played with my Barbies for most of the rest of the day. At seven that night Mom came in and said, "Amy wants to talk to you on the phone."

I debated back and forth on what to do, but decided she was my best friend — I had to talk to her. Mom handed me the phone. "Hi," I said.

"Hi." Amy said back. "Tiff I’m so sorry about what happened… I didn’t know anything about it… I’m so thoroughly mad at Mom right now… Please don’t hate me… Please don’t hate my mom either though…"

She went on for a little bit longer before I said, "Amy I don’t hate you and I don’t hate your mother."

"Are you sure?" She asked nervously.

"Amy, without you and your mother I never would have been able to be Tiffany at all… I’m more scared than anything."

"You don’t have anything to be scared about. I guarantee you I’ll stick by you all the way no matter what happens, and so will my parents."

"I know Amy." We talked for a while longer before things became a little more relaxed and she told me about the pictures her mom had taken. Apparently they had turned out really good and she couldn’t wait for us to do scrapbooks on Tuesday.

She told me her mom was starting her vacation for our trip that day and wanted to help us out. They also had everything we would need for it too, so not to worry about bringing anything more than some photos.

I told her about the appointment tomorrow at that point. "Amy what happens if she decides that I have to be a boy?"

"Look, you can be whoever you want to be. You’ll be fine. If all else fails when you come over here you can wear my clothes okay?"

"Okay."

"What happens if she says that I should be Tiffany though?"

"What would be bad about that? Isn’t that what you want more than anything?" She asked.

"The other kids…" I started.

"I won’t let the other kids mess with you, and neither will any of our friends. Tiff, that means that you have the cool kids all behind you. No one will dare do anything serious against you at that point. And, if they do we’ll take care of them." She answered.

We talked for a long time that night. I was honestly surprised Mom didn’t yell at me to get off of the phone, but I think she and Dad had decided that would be a bad idea. I ended up hanging up three hours after we started talking. I was feeling at least a little bit better. I was still absolutely mortified that my parents had found out though. In retrospect it wasn’t that hard for them to figure it out… but… still… And, I was scared senseless about what the visit to the ‘shrink’ tomorrow was going to be like. I went to bed shortly after I hung up with Amy so that I could try and make Monday come sooner.

The next morning Mom woke me up and told me to shower and get dressed. My parents and I drove into the city to one of the hospitals where my appointment was going to be. My dad actually drove in a separate car though — he was going to have to go to work afterwards. We sat in the waiting room for a long while before someone said, ‘please follow me.’ The assistant asked me if I would wait inside a room off to the side while my parents talked to the doctor first. I agreed.

Inside I found they had put together a playroom for all ages. I had a pretty good idea that they were probably observing me, but didn’t care. I saw they had some Barbies I didn’t have and went over to play with them while they talked. After thirty minutes I heard the door open and saw a lady who must be the doctor. "Hi, I’m Doctor Reynolds. Would you come into my office please?"

I followed her into her office where my parents gave me a hug and then went to wait outside. "Today I just want to spend some time talking to you alright?" She asked me.

I nodded.

"Well first of all, what name would you like me to call you by?" She asked.

"Tiffany please." I responded. There was a lot more strength to my voice that time than there ever had been.

I expected her to say something like, ‘that’s an unusual name for a boy,’ but she just kept on talking to me and asking questions. Somehow in about an hour’s time I figured that she knew more about me than anyone else.

"Tiffany, can you wait outside for a few minutes while I talk to your parents?" She asked.

I waited in a chair right outside the door for what seemed like an eternity before she brought me back in.

"Tiffany… After talking with you and your parents, we want to offer you the chance to dress as Tiffany for a few weeks. Would you like that?" She asked.

"Yes, more than anything!" I responded. I figured that I had seen the end of my time as Tiffany on Saturday.

"We do have one condition." My mom said.

"What?" I asked

"Well we’re concerned about how people on the trip might react to you showing up as Tiffany… so we want you to come dressed as Brandon for the trip."

"Do I have to?" I asked.

Dr. Reynolds spoke up, "I do think it would be a good idea Tiffany. The reactions might get really bad if you’re not careful with this."

"Okay." I replied. "But otherwise I can be Tiffany?" They all nodded. "Starting today?" I asked.

"Starting today," My dad said.

I was so excited I couldn’t control myself. I was hugging Mom and Dad, and Dr. Reynolds before I knew what I was doing.

"Now Tiffany, I do want to discuss some things with you now that your parents are here. Have you ever heard of the term ‘gender identity disorder’?"

"On the internet, it’s the term for someone whose body doesn’t match what they are?" I replied.

"That’s basically it. I think at the moment that term is a pretty close descriptor of you."

"For the moment?"

"Well, in a word, yes. You are still only eleven years old — and I want to be sure this is a long term thing before we start doing anything permanent. It’s still going to be another year or two before you hit puberty, so we have time for us to do this right and make sure that nothing gets done that shouldn’t be."

"So that’s why you said for a few weeks first?" I asked.

"Yes. If you are really supposed to be Tiffany and not Brandon we’ll have a better idea if that should be the case or not starting then. Until then — with the exception of the trip — I do want you to spend every moment as a girl. That means restrooms and everything," she said.

"Okay."

Dr. Reynolds told me some other things as we sat there and talked to my parents some more before we left the hospital. I was smiling the biggest smile ever. As we walked out to our cars I held my parent’s hands, both of them squeezed them as we walked out the door. There was something in that little statement that was stronger than anything they could have ever said.

"So umm… can we go shopping?" I asked.

"Sure sweetie." Mom replied as we got to the car. "Joe, you said to use the MasterCard?"

"Yes, we’ll pay it off once her check clears. They said it should clear by tomorrow." He paused before adding, "Try not to buy out the stores, okay?"

"Okay. We’ll see you at home for dinner." Mom told him and then I got into the car with her.

"Mom, are we really going to do this?" I asked.

"Do you want to?" She asked.

"YES!"

"Well then let’s go shopping for some stuff for you to wear."

We left the hospital and she soon pulled into a Wal-Mart. "We’re not getting all of my clothes here are we?" I asked Mom. I didn’t want to be the most uncool girl ever…

"No Tiffany, just relax. We’re just going to pick up a few things and get something for you to wear to the rest of the stores, okay?"

"Oh, okay."

We walked to the girls section of the store and we grabbed a couple packages of panties, socks, camisoles, and a couple of training bras to start with. Thankfully we knew what my size was from my borrowing of Amy’s clothes. She then led me towards the shorts and picked out a pair of shorts and a t-shirt to wear with it.

I tried on the shorts really quick in the fitting room — they fit! We made a quick detour to the shoe aisle to pick up some sandals, then we went to the checkout line and checked out. Mom pulled a pair of panties, the shirt, shorts, and sandals and sent me into the bathroom to go change into them.

I was kind of nervous at first… but everyone had been mistaking me for a girl for several months now… who would question me going into the bathroom? I got in the unfamiliar bathroom and found a stall where I could change. I must have changed clothes in a record amount of time because I think Mom was very surprised to see me already. We put my boys’ clothes in the shopping bag and walked out to the car.

"Where to next?" I asked her.

"Well why don’t we go to Penney’s and see what they have?"

"Okay," I replied. I was glad that we had started out with getting me some basic clothes so that I could be a little more comfortable when we were shopping. Actually, I also was just happy to be in the clothing that felt right to me. I don’t think I had smiled that much ever.

We drove through the city traffic for a while before pulling up to the mall. I was so excited to be going to the girls section instead of the boys section. As we got closer I have to be honest though — I got really nervous… I knew that I looked like a girl as people had been telling me that for months, but it’s still a nerve-wracking experience your first time shopping.

We got to that section and started browsing through all of the different clothes there. "What do you think of this shirt?" Mom said holding up a t-shirt in front of me.

"I like it… I like this one too," I said holding up another one. We picked out five shirts and moved onto some jeans and more shorts. When we had like six pairs of each, Mom led me to the fitting room so I could try them on.

I put them on and modeled each of them for Mom before we settled on two pairs of jeans and two pairs of shorts. "Okay Tiffany, let’s go pick out a couple skirts and a dress or two now." Mom said as she led me on the hunt for some more clothes.

We picked out several long skirts and dresses before heading to the dressing rooms were I tried everything on and modeled them for Mom. After talking back and forth (she liked one that I didn’t like and vice versa) we took two of each of those as well. Mom and I decided that we had picked over the clothes there and checked out.

We were walking by the shoes on our way out to run this set of clothes to the car when I saw a pair of tennis shoes that I loved. After we dropped those clothes off we came back in and I began trying on the shoes I had seen. I had just found a pair that fit when Mom brought back several other pairs of shoes. When we left the shoe department I had another pair of sandals, a pair of tennis shoes, and a pair of flat dress shoes.

"What now Mommy?" I asked as we put the shoes in the trunk of the car.

"Why don’t we just go wander the mall and see what else there is?" Mom asked.

"Okay!" I said and we walked back into Penney’s so we could go into the main mall. The next three hours were some of the most memorable hours of my life. We went into store after store after store. I picked out a couple more swimsuits, some more pajamas, and a bit of everything else over that time period. Mom showed considerable restraint in not buying everything in the mall for me. At the same time I was sure we had easily spent a thousand-dollars by the end of our shopping spree in the mall.

We walked by ‘Claire’s’ on our way back to Penneys and I made Mom go in. I picked out a ton of hair accessories, bought a fannie pack, and tried to convince her of something else.

"Mom can’t I please get my ears pierced?" I asked in a low tone so no one else would hear me. "They even say they’ll even do it for free!" I begged.

"Sweetie, I want to wait until we get back from this trip, alright?" She told me.

"But why?"

"It’ll be kind of hard for you to keep care of them while we’re on this trip… plus I kind of would like to see you wait until we’ve gone through another meeting with Dr. Reynolds."

I looked really downtrodden and pouted.

"Look, if everything goes towards that after the next meeting I’ll take you directly to a place to get it done, alright?" She temporized.

"Alright, but you promise right?" I asked.

"Yes, I promise." She replied.

We moved on with some more stuff in hand from Claire’s arriving at the car at 4:30. Mom said, "look we have one more stop I want to make." I looked downtrodden — I was really enjoying the shopping. "I think my daughter needs some stuffed animals and other things for her room."

I perked up again and said, "Okay." We drove down the street to a Toys’R’Us and went to the girls toy section. Most of the stuff was too young for me, but we picked up several stuffed teddy bears, kittens, and a baby doll. I also got some more Barbie stuff and some craft type stuff.

We got out of there with a bill that was a little scary, and crammed everything into our now full mini-van.

"Tiffany, why don’t we go home and you can change into one of these other outfits and we’ll meet Dad at Applebees at six?"

"Okay!" I said with excitement as we drove towards home. I didn’t have much time to change — which was most unfortunate because I was trying to make up my mind of what to wear. Do I wear a skirt? Wear shorts and a t-shirt? Wear a dress?

I think Mom realized that I was going to be very slow in making this decision so she did what any intelligent mom does… She picked for me saying, "we didn’t have much time" I ended up just wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Mom did help me put my hair into pigtails though — so at least it was a little more girly. Really the shorts and such were very girly… I just wasn’t content with it.

We hopped in the car and left for the restaurant. Dad had gotten there already and had a table. "Tiffany, you look nice." He told me.

"Thanks Daddy." I replied.

"So how was your shopping trip?"

I giggled… "Well, I made Mom leave some of the clothes in the mall for other people…"

"Hey! You were the one that wanted to buy everything…" Mom said. We bantered back and forth for a while before we all broke up into laughter.

The waiter came and took our order and we began talking some more. "Are you sure I can’t go like this on the trip?" I asked them.

"Look sweetheart it was Dr. Reynolds suggestion that we pace this slowly. We don’t want everyone to get into an uproar on the trip." Mom replied.

"But Mom, I slept over with five of the girls on Friday, and they were all okay with me like this!"

"There are two other girls, five boys, and more difficult — their parents." Dad said gently. "Remember what Dr. Reynolds was saying about other people dealing with this… We don’t want to spring this on everyone before they’re ready," he paused, "or before you’re ready for it either."

"Maybe one day? Not the whole trip, but maybe one day I could be Tiffany?" I asked.

"Look sweetie I think it’s a good idea that we do as she suggested." Mom said.

"Will you at least think about it?" I asked.

"Tell you what, I will talk to Ms. Fitzgerald and call Dr. Reynolds tomorrow okay?" Mom said. "But I still don’t think it’s a good idea."

"Aren’t they going to have to get used to it soon anyway? I’ll be going back to school in August, that’s only three months away!"

I think I saw my parents shudder there. "Look sweetie we’ll talk about it… Take that for what you can okay?" Dad said, effectively ending the matter.

I said, "Okay," and we moved on. At the end of dinner I told my parents, "Thank You."

"For what?" Dad asked.

"Well let’s see, first of all for not freaking out and beating me to death, not disowning me, not locking me up in a psychiatric ward… And secondly for letting me do all of this!" I said pointing to my clothes.

"Sweetie we could never do any of those things to you." Dad said.

"I guess I know that now… but I didn’t until today. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you guys before… I was just too scared of what you would do... So thank you again." I did my best not to tear up and realized I needed to go to the restroom. "Umm… I need to go to the restroom," I said.

My mom said, "I’ll come with you."

"I guess I’ll take care of the check," My dad said as we headed to the restroom.

As I approached the doors I reminded myself which bathroom to go into. I took a deep breath just before I went in — this was only the third time today that I had gone into this sanctuary. I went in and out without any real fanfare, but it really was still a big thing for me.

I waited for Mom before coming out and we went back to our table. Dad had already paid the bill so we piled back into our cars and headed home. Once home Dad helped us finish unloading the car and I modeled several outfits for them. The phone rang about that time.

"Tiffany it’s for you!" Mom said.

"Okay." I said.

"Hello?"

"Tiffany?"

"Amy?"

"How did it go?!?" Amy asked.

"Well… I’m Tiffany!" I exclaimed. I think that statement said it all.

"The doctor decided you really are?" She asked.

"She said she thinks so, at least ‘at this moment.’ We talked for a while about how she doesn’t want to consider doing anything ‘permanent’ until after I dress properly for three weeks. They still won’t do anything drastic at that point, but we’ll start talking about what will happen next."

"That’s great Tiffany! So this means you get to be Tiffany on the trip right?"

"Well… I want to be… but my parents and Dr. Reynolds were kind of against that. They say they’re worried about how the other kids will react to me." I said forlornly. "But I did talk with my parents at dinner tonight, they said they’ll talk with Ms. Fitzgerald and Dr. Reynolds tomorrow to see if they can’t work something out… I really hope they can."

"So after your appointment what did you do?" She asked.

"Shopping!!!! Lot’s of it!" I exclaimed. I proceeded to tell her about how much fun I’d had shopping with Mom and about pretty much every single outfit that we had bought for me. "I have never had so much fun hanging out with Mom before!" I paused for a second before adding, "Actually I think she had a lot of fun too."

"Wow, I wish I could have been there!" She said afterwards. Her mom apparently began pestering her on her side and she said, "Tiffany I have to go. You’re still coming over to scrapbook tomorrow, right?"

"Yes, what time?" I heard her talk to her mom for a few moments on the other side before she said, "Noon? And Mom’ll make mac and cheese for lunch?"

"Okay, I’ll see you then Amy."

"Congratulations Tiff, goodnight!" She told me and I hung up my phone. The rest of the evening I helped Mom move most of Brandon’s clothes out of my closet, unboxed all of my toys (which Mom told me were for decoration if nothing else), and I helped her finish removing tags and washing everything.

That night I didn’t need to be told to go to bed… I just put on a pair of my new pajamas and lay down in my bed — sleeping as I hadn’t in a very long time.
 
 
Chapter 21
 
 

THE NEXT DAY I woke up because I heard Dad getting ready for work. I tried to go back to sleep but no matter what I tried I was still awake. At 8:30, after thirty minutes of trying I finally got out of bed and went to the kitchen for something to eat. As I walked into the kitchen I heard Mom talking on the phone to someone.

"Are you sure you think that is an okay idea?" I heard her ask someone. "No. I think this is probably more than just a phase…" She must be talking about me. "Okay, that sounds fine. We’ll meet you there at Ten… See you in a bit."

"Who was that Mommy?" She smiled at me. "You haven’t called me Mommy since you were little. Why the change?"

I shrugged, "Amy still calls her Mommy that — in fact I think most of my girl friends do."

"I could get used to this." She said still smiling. "That was Ms. Fitzgerald. I called to talk to her about you. She and Mrs. Manning want to meet with Tiffany at ten o’clock to discuss what’s going on."

"Really!?"

"Now, I don’t think that we’re going to have you go as Tiffany full time necessarily Tiff. But, they do want to see you and talk about it."

"How long do I have to get ready?" I asked.

"About an hour or so. Why don’t we go pick something out for you to wear then take a shower and I’ll do your hair?"

"Okay!" I said. I skipped to my room — Mom just walked (slow poke!). I already had a pretty good idea of what I wanted to wear today. I had a pink jumper/white t-shirt set that we had bought yesterday that I loved. It might have been a little on the juvenile side… but Amy had one almost identical to it that she had worn to school at least two times in the past couple months.

The one thing that I had noticed that I had to be careful about more than anything else, when we were shopping, was that I was still only a size eight. Most of the time anything available in larger sizes was also available in my size. But, a lot of the other stuff that was available in my size made me look like I was in kindergarten…

Anyway… I liked this outfit and couldn’t wait to put it back on. I showed Mom what I wanted to wear and she nodded. I took my shower — being sure that I really got my hair nice and clean — and then put on the outfit. As soon as I had it on I had to twirl around like I had yesterday. It didn’t poof out much, but it still flared out a little. I stopped when I became slightly dizzy. I quickly brushed my teeth and sat in a chair in the kitchen.

Mom came up behind me and used a curling iron to curl the bottom of my hair and my bangs. She worked on my hair for a while before I was able to get up and see. I immediately ran to the bathroom to look at myself — I squealed! I was happy. Mom had used some clippy things that we had gotten from Claire’s in a couple spots on each side. I really liked it.

"Thank you Mommy." I told Mom when I saw her behind me.

"My pleasure sweetheart. We’ll have to work on teaching you how to do this yourself this summer."

"Okay." I replied.

"We also need to go get some curling irons of your own too. We’ll look at that when we get back from the trip though, okay?"

I nodded, "Okay. How long do we have before we have to leave?"

"We’ve got about twenty minutes, do you want something for breakfast?"

"Scrambled eggs?" I kind of batted my eyes at her.

"Stop batting your eyes at me young lady…" She said laughing. "Alright."

She walked away to go make me some eggs and I stared at myself in the mirror. Apparently I must have been staring for a while, because Mom hollered, "They’re ready." I realized that I had been staring for an awfully long time at that point! I walked to the kitchen and enjoyed my eggs.

"Sweetie, I have all of the pictures that I thought you might want to scrapbook with in this box," she said pointing to a note card box. "I put in the ones from soccer, Christmas, from the band trip," she continued naming off some events.

"Thanks." I replied to her. We put that on the TV so that we would be able to come by and grab it really quick when we were done with the meeting. "Did you talk to Dr. Reynolds?"

"I spoke with her for a little bit. She still doesn’t think it would be a good idea for you to go as Tiffany on this trip."

"Why?" I said with a frown.

"She’s concerned that if we don’t go along with this for school next year you will have a stigma attached to you."

"But I’m sure this isn’t just a phase!" I exclaimed.

"I know sweetie, she did however suggest a couple of compromises that we’re going to talk to your teachers about."

"What are they?" I asked.

"I want to wait until we are at the meeting, okay sweetie?"

"No… but I guess…" I replied. I was definitely sure I was going to not be allowed to be Tiffany at all now.

We left for Ms. Fitzgerald’s house — Mrs. Manning was going to meet us there too. Mom found it without a problem and we went up to the door. Ms. Fitzgerald greeted us before we had a chance to ring the doorbell. "How are you guys doing?" She asked.

"Fine, how are you?" I responded.

"I’m doing well. Tiffany… right?" She asked.

"Yes ma’am."

"Well come on in, Mrs. Manning is already sitting down in the dining room." She led us to her dining room where Mrs. Manning was sitting. I hadn’t really known her a lot until this year. I’d had Mrs. ‘Fitz’ two years ago, but had only had occasional contact with Mrs. Manning.

"How are you guys?" Mrs. Manning asked as we walked up.

"Good" Mom answered.

"Okay," I answered. I was being truthful… I was getting really nervous now. These were the first two people outside of my parents and Amy’s family to know about what I wanted to do.

"Have a seat," Ms. Fitz said.

I pulled a chair out and sat down — being mindful of smoothing my dress out behind me. "Tiffany, you look very nice," Mrs. Manning said.

"Thanks!" I said perking up a bit. What girl doesn’t like being told she looks nice?

"Well, I think she answered one of our questions for us." Mrs. Manning said to Ms. Fitz.

"Yes, I do believe she did." She responded.

"What question?" I asked.

"Well, when your mom first called I said that you would probably be able to pass as a girl very easily… but Mrs. Manning wasn’t so sure." Ms. Fitz said.

"I am now though. You look very lovely." Mrs. Manning assured me.

"The biggest problem as we see it is the other kids reactions. You’ve dealt with a lot of problems with kids over the years. I’m a little afraid of what they’ll do on this trip…" Ms. Fitz said.

"They’re going to have to find out one way or another at some point," I told her. "Besides, I know that five of the girls will be fine with me — we had a sleepover last Friday… So at the very least I’d have five people that I could hang out with."

"That may be true, but I’m even more worried about the parents." Mrs. Manning said.

Right about that time the doorbell rang. We paused for a moment while Ms. Fitz went to go get the door. She surprised me by bringing in Amy’s parents, and Ashley’s dad with her. We exchanged greetings with them. Amy’s mom actually came over and gave me a big hug. "You look nice sweetie," she told me.

"What are you all doing here?" I asked.

"Ms. Fitzgerald called us this morning to ask us what we thought about Tiffany going on the trip instead of Brandon." Amy’s dad said.

"Have a seat," Ms. Fitz told everyone.

"So what are your thoughts?" Mrs. Manning asked them.

Ashley’s dad answered first. "I have to be honest, it kind of left my mouth agape for a moment… but once I thought about it for a second it didn’t really surprise me. Ashley told me about the events at the slumber party on Saturday — and honestly I don’t really have a problem with it. Ashley will be his or her friend regardless."

"Thanks," I told him.

"What do you guys think?" Ms. Fitz asked Amy’s parents.

"In all honesty I think the only difference you’re going to see on the trip between Brandon going, or Tiffany going, is the clothing. Everywhere we’ve gone together Tiffany has been getting called a girl — even without the right clothing. I know for a fact that Amy has thought of her as a girl for at least three months now." Mrs. Hancock said.

That was news to me. "What?" I asked.

"When she got done talking with you the other night I made her come clean on how you two had been dressing you up — and that came out. Please don’t get upset that she didn’t tell you Tiff, she wouldn’t have told me that if she hadn’t been absolutely scared that you hated her because your secret got out."

"I’m not upset," I replied. ‘I had no idea she’d thought I was a girl that long though,’ I thought to myself.

"Good, I thought you would be more reasonable than she thought you would be," she said with a smile.

Mr. Hancock began to speak at this point, "The only concern I have for you Tiffany is if for some reason it’s decided you shouldn’t go to school next year as Tiffany… It might be wise for you to go ahead and be a ‘boy’ on this trip just in case…"

I couldn’t believe he was siding with that!

Mom spoke up then, "Unfortunately that’s pretty much what Tiffany’s psychiatrist thinks. She did offer a couple suggestions for a compromise though."

"And?" I asked.

"Well she suggested that you room with someone like Amy, who knows about you, and that while you’re in your room you may be Tiffany."

"Is that all?" I asked pleadingly… I was sure tears were going to start pouring from my eyes.

"Well, she did suggest that maybe you could wear a pair of girls shorts one day. She also suggested a couple of your less girly t-shirts that could be worn each day. I think you have enough to make it through the trip like that." Mom smiled a bit trying to cue me into that.

"I guess… what about underwear? No one has to see that…" I suggested.

"She said that would be fine if you’re careful. You’ll need to use the stalls though so no one can see them."

"I would have done that anyway, I’m a girl." I said stubbornly.

"Well I think that’s a good compromise Tiffany," Mrs. Hancock said.

"I think that’s definitely a safer way to go," Mr. Hancock added. "Are the rest of you okay with that?" He asked the rest of the adults. They all seemed to think it was the best anyone could do. "How about you Tiffany?"

I paused for a second, but decided to leave while I was ahead. "I guess… Although I wish I could go as Tiffany… Can my friends still call me Tiffany? When we aren’t around everyone else?"

Ms. Fitz said, "As long as you’re sure there’s no one else around Tiffany — that seems fine. We’re not doing this to be mean to you, it’s more so that we can keep you safe and make sure that you don’t go through anything you don’t have to." She said calmly and reassuringly.

"I guess I know that. Thanks." I added the last part as a polite afterthought.

Mrs. Manning said, "This also means we’re going to have to reshuffle some room assignments."

She looked at my Mom, "Do you mind if Tiffany rooms with the Hancocks? I’d like to put two boys in your room so we have your husband with them."

My mom hesitated for a second but said, "That should be fine."

"Will that work for you guys?" She asked the Hancocks.

"Of course." Amy’s dad said.

"Do you think some of the kids will question that?" Ms. Fitz asked.

Amy’s mom took that one. "I doubt anyone would think that’s strange — the two of them were constantly together at school all year. This spring they’ve been completely joined at the hip."

"Okay then, let’s see what other bugs we need to work out here," Mrs. Manning said.

We talked for a good twenty minutes on how rooms were going to be affected and who was rooming with whom.

We all started leaving soon after that and I said thank you to both of the teachers, Mr. Sanders, and the Hancocks. Mrs. Hancock offered to just take me at that point, but Mom told her we needed to run by the house first. When we got home Mom and I walked inside our house. As soon as the door was closed I gave her a big bear hug and said "Thank you." I knew that she had done as much as she could for me, and I appreciated it.
 
 
Chapter 22
 
 

WE ARRIVED AT the Hancocks house at 11:50 or so. I had no sooner walked up to their door before it was flung open and I was pounced on by Amy. "You look so pretty Tiffany!"

"Thanks," I choked out, somehow managing to not drop my box of photos.

She released me and we walked into her house. "Mom told me you looked pretty today, but she wasn’t kidding!"

"Thanks."

"Hold on a sec, I’ll be back down in a couple minutes!" She said running upstairs for something.

"Tiffany, are you happy with what we worked out?" I heard Mrs. Hancock’s voice behind me.

I turned around and faced her. "It was better than I hoped for… I wish I could really be Tiffany on the trip, but I’ll definitely settle for what I got." I replied to her.

"I know you’re not going to be as obviously Tiffany on this trip, but I want you to be really careful on this trip — don’t leave one of our sides. Your parents, us, Amy, and the other girls should be able to keep you safe… But I could see something going wrong if the boys discovered that you were wearing panties for instance." She said looking somewhat grim.

"I know… but this is me, they’re going to have to come to terms with it sooner or later." I said, a little teary eyed.

She came over to me and gave me a hug. "Yes they are. And, no matter what they say or do please know that we’ll always be here for you okay?"

"Thank you Mrs. Hancock."

"You’re very welcome Tiffany." She hesitated for a second then said, "Tiffany why don’t you call me Melanie instead of Mrs. Hancock?"

I felt very awkward right then… "Why?"

"Well… I can’t ask you to call me Mom, although I think of you as my second daughter — that would be wrong. But, I think Melanie would be okay." She told me.

"Um… okay Melanie, thanks." I replied. I sat there and talked to her for a few more minutes before I heard feet pounding down the stairs. I turned around and saw Amy in her jumper that was like mine.

"So what do you think?" She said as she came up to me.

"Well, I don’t think we’ll be confused as twins… but you never know!" I told her giggling.

"Well let’s get to scrapbooking!" She said and led me to their formal dining room. In there I saw tons of scissors, paper, pens, and other stuff. For a while she spent some time showing me what all they had — and how to use it.

From there she handed me several stacks of pictures that she said were mine. The stack of photos was mainly from the ski trip and the slumber party. There must have been six dozen pictures though from those two things, and that didn’t even include some other miscellaneous photos of the two of us that I didn’t even know Mrs… I mean Melanie had taken of me. Pictures like one from the first time I went swimming in Amy’s swimsuit. When had she taken it? There were also several clippings from the newspaper about our project.

The two of us had been working hard on scrapbook page after scrapbook page for the better part of an hour when her mom came in and asked if we were hungry. I had completely forgotten about lunch — I’d been too busy with everything else.

We sat down at their breakfast counter to eat the macaroni and cheese her mom had made for us.

"So Mom said that they decided you have to go on the trip as Brandon?"

"Yeah… unfortunately." She looked as downtrodden as I did. "But they said I could be Tiffany with my friends! And they said I can wear girls’ clothes when I’m in the room, and I can wear panties underneath my clothes… They also told me I could wear a girl’s pair of shorts one day, and tops that are girls as long as they’re not too girly…"

"Well that’s better than nothing I guess." She said.

"If the other kids found out how do you think they would react?" I asked her.

"I think it would vary… I think you would have seventy, maybe eighty percent behind you. I’m sure there would be at least one kid that would be a jerk about it just because they could. But, you have Ashley, Nikki, Lindsey, Amber, and me that would be behind you a-hundred-and-fifty-percent. I’ll make sure that we all stay together in our group during the trip."

"Thanks Amy." I replied to her with a smile.

We moved onto another bit of conversation. As we were getting up from lunch she said, "Tiffany, I have really really really great idea!" She exclaimed.

"What?"

"Well, I’m supposed to get my hair done tomorrow morning… We should get yours done too and get the same style!" She was clearly excited about this.

"Well… What are you going to get done?" I asked her. I actually really liked what she was going to do. If the two of us had the same haircut that would be one more way of making it look like we were sisters to anyone who didn’t know us. I decided that would be kind of handy on the trip. The only unfortunate thing was I didn’t know if it would be too girly to be allowed under the ‘Brandon is attending the trip’ guidelines.

"I like the idea, but I’d have to ask my mom first to see if I can do it…"

"Do what?" Amy’s mom asked.

Amy filled her in and she said, "I think that would probably be an acceptable idea. Tiffany I’ll set it up if you want. It’ll be my treat for the trip."

"Really?"

"Yes, but we do need to call your Mom. Tell you what, why don’t you two go keep working on your scrapbooks and I’ll call your Mom, Tiffany?" She suggested.

"Okay," I said. We left to go back to the table to work on our scrapbooks. I was amazed at how slow I had been going at first compared to now with the pages. My first page had taken me a good fifty minutes, now I was doing one every seven to ten minutes depending on what I was doing. I had gotten through all of the pictures I had brought, the ski trip, and two of the slumber party when Melanie came in.

"Hey Tiff, your mom said okay to getting your hair done. So I called the salon up to see if they could work you both in tomorrow. They said they were fully booked tomorrow though."

I was disappointed, but not everything can go my way right? "Thanks anyway for trying," I told her.

"Now hold up just a second, I said they couldn’t work you both in tomorrow. They do, however, have three openings in half an hour if you two want to get ready to go and leave right now."

"Cool!" I said. I hadn’t even said that one word, when Amy ran upstairs and back down with her shoes.

We all jumped into her car and drove into town. Between traffic and the distance we just barely made it there before our appointment.

When we pulled up I was instantly glad that Melanie had said she was going to pay… I had in my mind some run of the mill hair stylist salon, this was anything but that. The building was designed in a really pretty adobe style. It featured the typical posts coming out of the roof, but definitely somehow took on a new level of sophistication. All of the cars in the parking lot were worth at least fifty-thousand dollars.

The name of the place itself was in Spanish, and I guessed the meaning to be something about Life’s Dreams… I don’t speak Spanish so don’t put that down as a for sure translation, that’s just a guess.

Amy’s mom led the way inside the salon and we were immediately met by a lady dressed very stylishly.

"Ah… Mrs. Hancock, I’m so glad that you were able to come today." She said. She turned to Amy, "Amy it’s very nice to see you again as well. And I take it this is Tiffany?" She asked.

"Yes, ma’am." I replied to her.

"I’m Elizabeth." She said giving me a feminine hand shake that I returned. "Well ladies, let’s go ahead and take you on into the salon." She began leading us down a hallway. We followed her to a large open room that had skylights letting in large amounts of natural sunlight.

Off to the side of that room were several doors — she led us to a room and we were given pink robes to change into. Amy’s mom whispered to me, "We’ll turn around here and change. You just change the other direction okay?"

I stripped out of my jumper and quickly donned the robe. I told them, "I’m done." They then let me know when they were finished (Amy’s mom took the longest). We left the room and met Elizabeth right there and she showed us each to our station in the large room.

I say ‘station’ because there really is no comparison to any ‘normal’ hair salon I had seen before. I was seated in a very nicely upholstered leather chair. The leather was that really soft leather. The chair was actually more comfortable than any chair in my parents’ living room. We each had an attractive lady come to attend to us at that point.

Mine introduced herself as Lynette. "How are you doing miss?" She asked me.

"I’m doing well, and yourself?" I asked back.

"I’m doing great!" She said enthusiastically. I guessed she was probably about twenty-five or so, so she was fairly young. "I was filled in a bit on what we’re doing here for you, but I was told you weren’t?" She asked.

"Umm… I thought I was just coming in for a hair cut?" I said in a tentative manner. "Are we doing more than that?"

"Absolutely! You’re in one of the finest salons in the country — and the Hancock’s are our favorite clients — I’m not just saying that. So, here’s the deal. We’re going to start off with washing your hair out, then I’m going to work on it for a bit, then we’ll let it sit for a while. While your hair is setting we’ll go ahead and do a facial on you as well as a manicure and a pedicure."

"Wow…" I gasped.

"Sound good?"

"Yes!"

"Okay, I would like you to make a couple decisions though about your nails. I notice that they’re pretty long already, would you like me to add to that?" She asked.

I didn’t even hesitate on that one. "No thanks, not with us going on this trip."

"Okay, fair enough. Mrs. Hancock said that we had to go with a clear nail polish color for this trip, but if she brings you back sometime we can do something prettier."

"Cool." I replied… I might come back sometime? Not on my money…

"Well let’s start with your hair!"

She leaned me back into a sink and began washing my hair and in the process massaged my scalp. It was like the ski trip session, but even better! After what felt like an eternity of pleasure, yanking on my hair, scissors snipping, and rollers going in the bottom of my hair, she then began the rest of the process.

The whole experience was so extraordinarily wonderful that I can’t put much of it into words. The facial, the manicure and pedicure, and the finishing of my hair seemed to fly by. After a bit she led me back to the room where I had changed earlier and told me to go ahead and put my dress back on. My hair was still covered, so it took some doing to get it over my head without messing it up.

Once I was done I found her waiting for me again leading me back to the same spot. She worked with my hair for about ten more minutes and then moved back to my face.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Putting makeup on you." She said. "Mrs. Hancock wanted me to evaluate you and get you a set of makeup that would work well for you."

"Oh. Thank you." I said.

"You must be like a daughter to Mrs. Hancock for her to bring you here," she told me.

"If I didn’t have parents that loved me so much, and wouldn’t give me up, I’m sure they would adopt me in a heartbeat," I replied to her softly.

She turned my chair to face the mirror. She spent about fifteen minutes trying different looks on me before explaining how to do the one we decided on. She put together a bag of makeup for me and led me to another room where Amy and her mom were sitting at a table drinking bottles of water. They handed me one as I walked in.

As soon as I saw Melanie, I rushed up to her and hugged her tightly. "Thank you so much for all of this!" I told her.

"It’s my pleasure Tiffany." She gestured towards the makeup bag when I released her, "I see they took care of getting you your makeup?" I nodded. "Good, then we’re ready to go."

Amy stood up at that point and I looked at her. She looked really pretty — something that I commented on. She told me at that point, "Tiffany, you look basically the same as I do. I fear we might have to watch out for each other on this trip! Boys will be leaping from burning buildings just to try and impress us." She giggled.

"Umm… I don’t know if I want that or not…" I replied… "I’m supposed to be Brandon on this trip… and Tiffany isn’t interested in dating yet!" I replied to her.

She giggled a bit and her mom led us outside to the car. It was already 4:30pm at that point, I couldn’t figure out where we were going as we drove away.

WE WERE GOING the opposite direction from home, and she seemed to be in a bit of a hurry.

"Where are we going Mommy?" Amy asked. Apparently she was in the dark as much as I was.

"It’s a surprise for both of you okay? We’ll be there in two more minutes." She said.

We both took that as a sign that we weren’t going to get anything else out of her and started focusing back on our new looks. Both of us were ecstatic with our new hairstyle and everything else.

"By the way Tiffany, I think you’ve got to do your makeup that way at school next year everyday!"

"Is it really that good?"

"Tiffany, when school starts and people hear about you they’re going to expect you to look like a boy in a dress. When you were wearing boys clothing, more than once I heard people say to each other that you looked like a ‘tomboy’ in boys clothing - now that you’re in girls clothing I don’t think anyone would even guess that you were ever a boy. With that makeup on I guarantee every boy that you pass will be staring at your pretty face."

I blushed. "You’re exaggerating," I told her.

Amy’s mom piped in, "no, she’s not exaggerating. Though I have to say I think Amy is in the same boat!" A moment later she pulled into the lot of a building that said ‘Rogers Portrait Studio.’

"We’re getting our pictures taken?" Amy asked.

"Yes, and I’ve got some surprises waiting for you inside Ladies. But we only have till six to get this done before we have to meet Tiffany’s parents at Chili’s for dinner. So hustle up!" She ordered.

When we got inside the photographer was ready for us. The first thing we did was take several dozen shots by ourselves and together in about ten different scenes he had setup around a massive warehouse type room. Then he asked, "Do you two have your next change of clothes?"

Amy’s mom walked up then and said, "Yes they do, they’re in the changing rooms." She said. She led us to two changing rooms that were both unisex.

"Both of you change into the green dress that’s in there. Don’t worry about tying the bow girls; I can do it better and faster out here okay? Don’t forget to put on the white tights that are there!" She said pushing us inside the room.

When I saw the dress that she was referring to I just about froze up completely. It was absolutely gorgeous! I was sure I had never seen a dress that pretty in all of my life. It was a dark green taffeta skirt and puffy short sleeves. The bodice was also in dark green, but it was embellished with embroidery crisscrossing back and forth making diamond patterns. At alternating points across the tips of the diamonds were little pink flowers and pearl looking beads.

I pulled my jumper off carefully to avoid ruining my makeup. Then I saw the tights and pulled them on first. I know a lot of people say this is such a tricky thing, but to me it was honestly just like pulling up soccer socks. I still enjoyed it very much though. The dress had a built in petticoat so I was able to just slip it on. Of course by just slip it on that was the process of getting into it.

The feelings that went through me on the nature of this were unreal. I did as Amy’s mom asked and didn’t bother zipping up. I went outside and found Amy’s mom putting a pair of Mary Jane style shoes on Amy’s feet. She zipped me up, tied my bow, and then did the same for me with the shoes. We both looked adorable!

I had seen some dresses like this on a website from an Italian dress maker before — they weren’t cheap, but I had dreamt about them since I had first seen them. Amy and I talked briefly while her mom touched up our makeup, but we didn’t have much time to talk because we got right back to the picture taking. Again several dozen were taken at each scene, plus a couple others, before we were led back to the changing room.

We went through several other sets of clothes. Jeans and T-shirt, Shorts and T-shirts, skirts, a prom-dress style dress, a sundress, a swimsuit (that one was scary with the possibility of someone figuring out stuff…), and even pajamas followed before we were done. In most of the cases we wore the same thing — though sometimes in different colors. Oftentimes we put on jewelry, tiaras, or other accessories to add more appeal.

When we were done with the last outfit Amy asked, "Mommy can we wear the green dresses to dinner? Please?" She begged.

"Yes, please?" I asked as well.

"You two will be a little overdressed for Chili’s." She said.

"That’s okay, we’ll be pretty!" Amy told her.

"Alright, but you only have four minutes to change and help me get all of this stuff packed up!"

"Alright! Thank you!" I told her, and we both rushed to quickly put the dresses back on. We were both out in two minutes for her to help us again, before helping her move everything to her car on the way out.

"So when will we get to see these pictures?" I asked her as we drove away.

"Well he said he would have proofs of everything tonight, and would bring them to us at our house to pick out the packages if we wanted. I told him to drop by at eight and your parents could help us pick them out Tiff."

"Cool," I said.

I was excited. No, really I was beyond excited! Amy and I were both bouncing off the walls of the car on that ride to Chili’s. We walked into the restaurant and found my parents and Mr. Hancock sitting at a table. When they saw us their jaws all collectively dropped.

My mom was the first to speak, "Where did you find these Melanie?" She said as she came over and started examining my dress.

"A friend of mine owns a dress shop — she told me about them a while back but I thought they would be perfect for our trip to photographer. I hadn’t planned on us going today, but thankfully she already had them and dropped them off at the studio yesterday."

"They’re absolutely gorgeous." My mom reiterated. "You two are a bit overdressed for here though," she chuckled.

"We don’t care. We’re pretty Mommy!" I responded.

"Actually I don’t think pretty does you both justice," my dad proclaimed.

"I love the new hair," my mom said as I sat between her and Dad. Amy was sitting across from me, Melanie across from Mom, and Amy’s dad across from my dad.

The waitress came by and fussed over us quite a bit. "Where ever did you find those dresses?" she asked the moms. "You two look like princesses," she told us. It made me smile from ear to ear, and blush in the same moment.

The conversations all continued about Amy and I being gorgeous princesses well through dinner before switching to plans about the trip. They all discussed about meeting together to walk in so that we would be a cohesive group meeting everyone else. I think they were hoping that it would help with any potential, ‘problems’ we could run into. We all knew that those unspoken ‘potential problems’ that might arise all involved me. Oh well.

Following dinner we split a few desserts around the table with my parents picking up the check. Mom and Dad both agreed to come over to Amy’s house to look at the proofs after we finished. The six of us drove to their house and Amy and I got busy frantically cleaning up our mess on the dining room table. We put all of our pages into boxes — we were going to finish up after we got our pictures back from the trip. The photographer arrived minutes later with a mountain of proofs in hand.

I never was able to get a full count — people kept moving pictures too much — but I think we must have had a good eight-hundred pictures we had to look through to choose just a few. There were so many comments of, "How cute!" that kept flying by, that Amy and I were in a perpetual state of blushing. We ended up placing a couple separate orders for each family, with us taking about thirty pictures each to get made into various shots. We also jointly bought the proofs, which the photographer would drop off at our houses tomorrow.

"How are you doing this so fast?" I asked the photographer.

"Well I’m in kind of a lull for the year right now. Plus I have several printers and staff to help out with this stuff. This was also a fun shoot though, so I’m probably putting a little more into it than normal."

"Well thank you for doing so." I said to him.

He left with the orders in hand and Amy and I helped sort out which clothes were going to which house that night. Mom had tried to pay Mrs. Hancock back for some of the dresses and such but of course they wouldn’t have any of that. My parents and I all profusely thanked her. I gave her and Mr. Hancock big hugs before we headed home for the night.

After a good thirty minutes of rearranging my closet to fit everything I finally was talked into taking off my dress and putting on a pair of the pajamas that we had used in the shoot earlier. The pajamas really weren’t anything that special, but they were in a cute pink color and were really comfy. That night when my head hit the pillow I was out like a light bulb.
 
 
Chapter 23
 
 

I DRAGGED MYSELF out of bed at 9am the next morning. I got in the shower and Mom helped me do my hair when I got out, since I wasn’t quite sure how to take care of this new style. I then helped Mom pack for all of us. I was so excited about leaving tomorrow — it was going to be my first time ever on a plane! Mom helped guide me to keep from packing too much stuff for the trip — I really wanted to take plenty of options, but she limited me to just taking two extra shirts, shorts, and one pair of extra jeans.

I also spent some of the morning packing my backpack — it was going with me on the plane — with different things. I had my Game Boy, several games, a couple books, a Barbie (I told them no one else would see it!), a coloring book Mom had bought me along with some crayons. She had bought two of the coloring books — one for me and one for Amy.

Dad had taken the day off so that he could help out with stuff and found plenty of things to do until lunch. We finished packing about 12:30 and sat down together to eat some cheese crisps (melted cheese on a tortilla in a skillet with butter ‘crisping’ the bottom,) when the door bell rang. I was the first to get up and walk to the door and found the photographer standing there.

"Who is it Tiff?" My mom called.

"It’s the photographer," I replied.

She came out and took care of paying for the prints that we had ordered (they had managed to get the Hancocks to let them do that.) We then looked through the stack and Mom said, "Joe, we should take some of these with us today for your parents."

What? I thought to myself… Take them with us… when were they going to tell me we were going over to their house?

"We’re going over to Grandma and Grandpa’s?" I asked.

"We have to drop the dog off sweetie."

"But do they know…" I stammered.

"Yes they do, and while your Grandfather is going to take a little while to bring around…" she said clearly hesitating before continuing, "your Grandmother is anxious to see you." She finished. I was a little concerned with the way she put that — it did not inspire confidence.

"Umm… So… You’re sure?" I asked

"Sweetie, you’ll be fine. Your grandparents will love you no matter who you are." My dad said soothingly. I think they were both rightfully reading that I was on the brink of a freak out here.

"Okay then… When are we leaving?" I asked.

"Thirty minutes?" She looked at my dad.

"How about sooner?" He asked back.

I decided to put my foot down at that point. "I’ve been packing all morning, there is absolutely no way I can look good in less than thirty!" I told him.

"Look good? You look great now." Dad told me.

"Just look at me! My hair is a mess! And I’m not going to let Grandma and Grandpa meet Tiffany in shorts and a t-shirt!" I went on for a few minutes before I saw Mom raise an eyebrow at me. "Sorry… I’m just a bit nervous." I told him.

"It’s okay. Go ahead and get ready and we’ll leave then, okay?" He answered soothingly. Boy things had changed the past few weeks… Before last Saturday I probably would have had my rear-end blistered for that outburst…

"Thank you Daddy," I said and hugged him before running to my room. I decided to wear a sundress we had bought Monday that I hadn’t worn yet. Once I had that on I put on a pair of sandals and went into the bathroom. That morning had caused my hair to have a mind of it’s own in certain spots. I worked on fixing all of those spots to make things perfect.

I debated about putting makeup on… but decided I would go without this time. There were enough pictures with me and makeup to show them. Besides, Mom didn’t seem so thrilled with her eleven year old daughter wearing makeup for some reason… I quickly double checked everything and went out to the living room. My parents were both waiting for me, with my dad looking at his watch. "See you even still have a minute left!" He said with a smile.

We walked out the door with the dog jumping in the car ahead of me into the back seat. I sat down and smoothed out my dress before putting my seatbelt on. Shali wanted to sit on my lap while we were driving, but I didn’t want her messing up my dress. I figured she could deal with sitting on the seat — of course then she begged to sit on my dad’s lap up front! The forty minute drive seemed to pass far too quickly. I was so scared as to what they were going to say… I was more scared of them than I was the kids on the trip and at school. ‘I guess their opinion matters more,’ I thought to myself as I stared out the window at the passing scenery.

We pulled up the long driveway to their house, and drove up underneath a tree next to their house. Both of them were sitting on a porch swing on their patio. ‘Well here goes nothing,’ I thought to myself. I climbed out of the car — letting Shali race ahead of me first — and walked up to them.

Grandma came down from the porch first and hugged me before holding my shoulders at arms length. She spun me around so she could see my dress and then embraced me again. "Well you certainly make a beautiful young lady Tiffany." She told me. At least Grandma was behind me!

I walked over to Grandpa and gave him a hug. He didn’t really say much except, "I love you darling." It was definitely a much colder reception. It was obvious that he did not approve of this, but he said he still loved me — at least I wasn’t being disowned.

"Thanks Grandpa, I love you too." I replied.

Grandma took back control of me now, looking at my hair. "Sweetie your hair is absolutely adorable!"

"I went with my best friend Amy and her mom to a salon yesterday to get my hair done."

"You look very nice like this sweetie," She told me as she embraced me again.

We all walked into the house and sat down at the dining room table to talk for a bit. Mom then pulled out a folder of pictures that we brought with us and started passing them around. Meanwhile Grandma offered coffee and iced tea to everyone.

"My heavens, what a beautiful girl you make Tiffany!" Grandma gasped. She hadn’t even made it to my favorite picture of the one dress yet!

When we did get to the one picture set Grandpa finally complimented me, "Tiffany you really are a very beautiful young lady."

"Thank you Grandpa." I replied to him.

"You’re welcome, sweetheart," he told me as he put his arm around me and gave me a hug. I could smell his cologne and feel the whiskers from his face scratch me a bit when he did this. Grandpa sat back down at his chair at the head of the kitchen table, and I reflected on how he definitely had a change in the way he acted towards me from that moment on.

They chose several pictures for themselves and we all talked about nothing and everything at the same time. We didn’t stay long though as we had to get back home to finish up with some things. Before I left Grandma pulled me off to the side.

"Tiffany, I wanted to make sure that I told you again how beautiful you are. When your parents first told us what they thought was going on last week we were flabbergasted. I think your grandfather and I honestly expected you to look like a boy wearing a dress… but truthfully I think you make a better looking girl than a boy. No matter what happens we’ll stand behind you and love you sweetie." She told me with a hug.

"Even Grandpa?" I whispered.

"Even he feels that way. You know he used to wear some of my clothes from time to time when he sold cars." She said with a wink.

"What?"

"It was a gimmick he and his boss did. So don’t be afraid to be who you are okay?"

I gave her an even bigger hug and said "Thank you Grandma." As we left Grandpa and Grandma both got hugs again before we got in the car.

"What now?" I asked Mom.

"Home. I want us all to be in bed by eight since we leave so early tomorrow." I looked at the car clock and saw that it was already five o’clock. "We can grab a pizza on our way home to eat okay?"

So after all was said and done the day finished flying by. Mom had to make a last minute trip to Wal-Mart that night to pick up some luggage tags. We also put some curly ribbon on all of our bags too. Before bed that night Mom had me come to the living room. There I saw two wrapped presents on the table. As I got closer, I saw that they were both wrapped in, ‘it’s a girl!’ wrapping paper.

I looked at Mom and Dad and they said, "go ahead and open them!" I opened the smaller one first and found a cute pink watch — I realized with that I hadn’t had any girls watches. We had all been told to wear watches on this trip so we could keep track of where we were supposed to be. It wasn’t obviously a girl’s watch though — so I would be able to wear it on the trip still. "Thank you!" I said to them before moving onto the next one.

I opened up the box and found a camera of my very own. It looked to be nicer than my parents’ old camera (they had bought a new one for this trip last week,) and Mom and Dad had put ten rolls of film in the box along with a small bag for it. This warranted an immediate hug to my parents.

"Make sure you’re careful with it sweetheart," Dad said.

"I will be. Say do you think this’ll fit into my fanny pack?" I asked Mom.

"It might. Why don’t you check?" She suggested. So I did so. It fit, though it was a tight squeeze with my little wallet and hair ties. I had just enough room inside of there to put one extra roll of film.

"It fits, it’s tight, but it fits." I told them.

"Good honey. Now why don’t you go ahead and get to bed so that you’re rested tomorrow.

"Okay Mommy, thanks!" I gave them both another hug and then went to bed. That night I dreamt of all sorts of adventures we were sure to have in Florida.

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To Be Continued...

 
Synopsis

Brandon is a bright boy growing up near Albuquerque, New Mexico. He likes school, soccer, computer games, and playing in the school band. Small for his age and youngest in his class, his size has made him the target of every school bully for years. Each year the verbal and physical abuse increases, finally wearing him down to the point he doesn't know if he can continue. Just as he reaches the end of his rope, he is suddenly befriended by a classmate he least expected. As their friendship grows and deepens, Brandon learns the value of a best friend and finds himself moving down a road he never expected. Over the course of the school year, his friend helps him discover and cope with his feelings, hopes, dreams - and fears.

This is the story of a young person's unusual journey to stand up to the numerous obstacles that life has dealt him - and to become the person he believes himself to be. (Part 6 of 6)

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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

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The Legal Stuff: Standing Up to Life  © 2008 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2008 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
 
I began this trilogy of novels last year, first publishing this book at FictionMania and Story Site in March last year. Setting out to tell a story I felt I needed to tell, I was pleased that the readers of both sites seemed to enjoy the work. A couple months after I initially posted this book at FictionMania I met a dear friend Carla Ann who offered her services as an editor. With her help I began to go back and proof this book a few months ago for publishing at Lulu.com. More than anything I liked the idea of having a hardback edition of the book for myself, but I felt that perhaps others might enjoy a copy as well.

With that information in mind I am posting a standard copy of this here at BigCloset, and announcing that I have three versions available for purchasing through My Store (www.lulu.com/tiffanyshar) at Lulu.com. There are 6x9 hardback editions and paperback editions, as well as a high quality pdf version available for download. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it from my store. I hope to have it available through Amazon.com in a couple months as well, and will offer to have Erin sell it through her Amazon page at that time.

Thank you to all of you, my amazing readers, who have enjoyed this work in the past. You will discover that this new version is much more refined than what I initially posted a year ago. I hope you all enjoy this and my other novels. I hope to have the second book, Daring to Hope, also available in this form by mid-March, and the third book will hopefully be available this summer! I will make future announcements about Book Three through my Lulu storefront as well.

I will be posting this in six segments during this week. Please enjoy, and thanks for reading!

     -Tiffany Shar

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Chapter 24
 
 

I woke up the next morning to the sounds of Mom getting ready. Though I tried to go back to sleep for a few minutes I was too excited so I got up and started doing what I could to get myself ready. Two hours later it was 4:30am and we were pulling up to the airport. Amy and her parents, and Ashley and her dad all arrived right behind us. We all took our bags to the airline counter and checked in.

Everyone had been given their tickets last week so that we could all check in separately as each family arrived. Our teachers were right behind us and we started forming up as a group. That day I had dressed in a pair of boy’s shorts and a light blue girl’s top that could have easily been a boy’s shirt. I had done my hair today, but Mom wouldn’t let me do my makeup. She said she’d let me once I got back from the trip. When Ashley was finally able to come over she said. "Tiffany I love your hair!"

I told her quietly, "Thanks Ashley. But I’m supposed to be Brandon on the trip, so you can call me Tiffany, but keep it to only when the six of us from the slumber party are around okay?"

"Sure… I wish you could be Tiffany the whole time, but at least that’s something." She told me.

My family, the Hancocks, Ashley and her dad, and our two teachers walked into a restaurant in the airport to get something for breakfast. I ate just a standard fare of scrambled eggs and bacon. We then headed through the security checkpoint, heading towards our gate once our bags made it through the x-ray machine.

It was then that I started feeling it. I rushed for the bathroom and made it to a toilet just in time to throw up… When I got back outside Mom asked me quietly, "Tiffany are you okay?"

"I think so" I said groaning a bit, "I just needed to throw up all of a sudden."

She pulled something from her purse, "Here," she said handing me a small pill, "take this."

"What is it?" I asked.

"Dramamine, it’s for motion sickness, but it’s probably just your nerves. I know you’re really excited and nervous, you should feel better once you get a drink and relax a little. Everything’s going to be fine sweetie," she told me reassuringly. I just hoped I wasn’t getting the flu!

"I hope you’re right," I told her.

I swallowed the pill as I was directed and then went over to the waiting area by the gate. As time went on everyone in our group arrived in the same spot. The entire group from the sleepover gathered quickly into a spot in a corner. We were all talking in lower tones so no one else could hear what we were talking about. I had decided to fill them in quietly because at this point only Amy and Ashley knew the whole story. ‘Besides,’ I decided, ‘if they wanted to rat me out they wouldn’t need any more info than they already had to do it anyway.’

After we got to the part about the hair salon Lindsey said, "Speaking of that Tiffany, I love your hair!" Lindsey said. "Yours too Amy," she added.

"Thanks, please remember I’m supposed to be Brandon on this trip… unfortunately…" I said quietly.

"But you’re going to be Tiffany after that right?" Amber asked.

"I hope so Amber." I replied.

"Well, I can kind of understand them making you hold off for now on it… But I think we can all agree that we will think of you as Tiffany on this trip," Nikki said.

"Thanks, I appreciate that." I told them.

"Hey why don’t we just call you T when everyone else is within range? We won’t tell any of the others what T stands for if they ask, but that way you can at least be called by your name." Amy suggested.

"It’s better than nothing I guess," I replied.

Lindsey made a small motion to be quiet about stuff a second later as Jennifer and Brittany both walked up. "Can we join the rest of you girls?" She asked.

"Sure," Amy said. I took note of the fact she hadn’t figured out that I was in the group at that point — or something like that.

We expanded the circle a bit and I noticed Brittany and Jennifer both were kind of staring at me for a second. "Brandon?" Jennifer asked.

"Yes?" I replied.

"It just took me a moment to recognize you. I really like your hair." She told me.

"Thanks." I replied.

"Is there some reason you got it cut like that?" She asked.

Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding… Warning… "We…"

Amy thankfully interrupted, "We had a bet and he lost so he had to get his hair done in the same style as me for the trip."

"That’s big of you to follow through with that bet Brandon," She responded. I don’t know if she bought it or not — I didn’t think she did. "It really is a cute hairstyle for you though." She replied seriously. I decided she knew something somehow.

Thankfully the girls changed the subject then — I didn’t want to get into that discussion with those two yet. It’s not that I really had much time to get to know the other girls; it’s more that I hadn’t had any time with them at all. I would not be surprised though if by the end of the trip these two found out.

Their conversation eventually ended up on a topic that affected almost all of them, cheerleading. The only two that weren’t on the cheer squad next year were Nikki and I. Maybe next year I could try out? I think I could do it — I’d actually helped Amy practice a bit before the tryouts this year.

The next thing I knew they were boarding elderly and children. We were considered in the children category so we were able to go ahead and get on the plane. The walk down the ramp to the plane was really cool to me, and once we got on there things just were so… new and cool. I got to my seat, which was on the aisle side of three seats, and Dad put my backpack in the overhead bin for me.

Mom was on the window side so she could see, and that left Dad in the middle. Across the aisle, sitting in those three seats, was Amy on the aisle, her Mom, and then her dad by the window. In front of me Ashley, her father, and Nikki sat. And in the seats cattycorner to mine sat Lindsey, Amber, and Jennifer. Brittany, Ms. Fitzgerald, and Mrs. Manning were in the seats back and to the right of me, and the boys took up a few rows behind us.

We were all pretty chatty and the flight stewardesses introduced themselves to us really quick. As everyone else piled on the plane I definitely felt my nerves coming back… What if something went wrong? I knew statistically that was rare… but still your first time… The sensation of the plane being pulled backwards was interesting, and when we finally were on the runway getting to leave I looked over my parents laps to the window as best I could.

Amy and I had been talking non-stop up until this point — a feat I considered impressive given how nervous my stomach still felt. We stopped for a few moments while the plane sped up down the runway and leaped into the air. It was definitely a fun experience I decided, if not a little unnerving.

Once we reached altitude Amy and I got our gameboys out and started playing various games. We also chatted across the aisle for a bit before she fell asleep. At that point I needed to go to the bathroom so I headed back to the lavatory in the back. Mom had given me a motherly instruction to be careful, and I took a new adventure to go to the bathroom at 33,000 feet.

It was actually kind of disconcerting in there, but I put the seat down and pulled down my shorts and the panties I was wearing underneath. Sitting down I took care of things, wiped, and then put everything back on again.

Even though I was supposed to be Brandon on this trip, I was determined that I was going to do everything as Tiffany. I might be going in the men’s restrooms but I was still going to be a girl. Maybe in a couple years I’d be able to get my parts readjusted to the proper plumbing…

I walked out of the bathroom and back down the aisle to get back to my seat. Amy was still asleep when I got back so I was debating about going to sleep myself. I didn’t even realize that the debate had been lost until Amy poked me. "Wake up sleepyhead." She taunted me. I was just awake enough to stick my tongue out at her.

I suddenly realized that we must be getting close to landing because it felt like we were dropping out of the air gradually. I watched out the window and saw the clouds slip by as we passed through them. We neared the runway in Houston, and once we landed I loved the rapid deceleration that we had! That was a great feeling.

After we pulled up to the gate, we were very quickly ushered through the concourses to another gate on the other side of the airport. We got there with about thirty minutes to spare. The teachers and adults all encouraged us to go use the restroom at that point, so I went again. When I came out I had several men stare at me as if ‘why are you in the men’s restroom girl?’ I was pretty sure that none of them would have hurt me — but I was still frightened. I was glad Dad was right behind me for safety, but I think he also noticed the looks. He put his arm around my shoulder as we walked out of the restroom. When I looked up at him I noticed there was a strange look on his face.

He went over and spoke with Mom while I rejoined the girls as we waited to leave Houston. We were all kind of drowsy but decided to go to a couple stores that were close. We browsed through — all trying not to spend the money that was in our pockets — and I got away with just buying a pretzel at a counter next to the shop.

In no time we were boarding that plane and the whole experience repeated itself getting into the air. On this leg of the race Kyle asked one of the stewardesses if he could get a set of ‘wings.’ She brought a set to him, and gave all of us a set while she was at it. I thought it was kind of childish and embarrassing on one hand… but it was kind of cute too! I put it in my fanny pack for my scrapbook back home.

That actually reminded me that I wanted some pictures of us in the airplane — and I began snapping some pictures of everyone sitting there. This was a longer leg and they actually ‘fed’ us with some sandwiches. They weren’t great, but it was better than just having had the pretzel for lunch.

As the flight drew on, we all got excited that we were getting close to Orlando. The excitement turned to nervousness as we hit one of the craziest thunderstorms to fly through trying to land in Orlando. We all watched as lightning stuck incredibly close to the wings while we were all moving up and down, and side to side, from the turbulence. I located the barf bag in front of me just in case I needed it. I also began silently reading the card for the emergency procedures that would never do us any good.

EVENTUALLY WE LANDED and started walking through the terminal in Orlando. After following corridors for a while we got on a train to go to the car rental part of the airport. As students we all just kind of sat around bored for a few minutes while the adults set up the rental vans that we were using today.

Our first destination for today was to check in at the hotel, then we were going to go to the Everglades on an air boat ride. I didn’t really know what to expect from this, but I did hope we’d get to see some alligators or something. I did really hope that I wouldn’t become a meal for one though!

Ms. Fitz came up to us a few minutes later and said, "Okay, let’s go!" We were led out to some large passenger vans to put our stuff in and sit down. I sat down in the second seat of a van that my mom was driving. Amy and Nikki sat next to me, with Amy’s parents sitting in the seat behind us. Amber, Jennifer, and Kyle were also in our van.

As we drove down the streets and freeway to get to our hotel I was in complete astonishment by how green it was. I’d seen the mountains fairly green before, but nothing like this! Everywhere I looked was painted in a lush shade of green. The day was overcast unfortunately, but it was nice and warm as we pulled up to the hotel.

By hotel… I mean resort of course! I couldn’t believe how nice the place was! It wasn’t in Disney — something we all kind of were disappointed by, but it was a four star establishment that had a really cool set of swimming pools and jacuzzis. Mrs. Manning pointed us towards our rooms, and before we knew it we were heading right back out again. As I walked out of my room, a few steps behind the Hancocks, Jarred asked me, "Didn’t they do rooms by boys and girls?"

Uh… What to say? "Amy and I requested to room together. We’re best friends so we do that a lot." I said truthfully.

"Wow dude, that’s lucky. I wish I could share a room with Amy!" He said.

"Her parents are in there anyway Jarred," I replied… trying not to let my disgust show through so much. Amy and I were definitely not having problems with that one.

"Well, I was just curious." He said. Amy joined us in the hallway at that moment and gave me a funny look. Apparently my face must have given away some of my annoyance.

"Something wrong?" she asked quietly. I just smiled and shook my head as we walked back to our meeting spot. As quickly as we arrived we were led right back out to the vans again.

We drove for a long while and I watched the scenery go by. The main thing that we could see was pine trees. Who would’ve thought that Florida had pine trees? I certainly wouldn’t have. I’d always thought they only naturally existed in mountain forests.

We pulled up to the place about forty minutes later. The guys handed out life jackets and spent some time explaining what we were going to see. When he did that he also explained what we were to do if we fell in somehow… I just hoped I wouldn’t become food by the time someone pulled me out in that case!

I think we were all kind of in a daze from the trip, but were still very excited to go on this ride. The last thing they did before we left was hand out ear protectors to everyone for the noise. After everyone had taken a seat with those on we were off. We rode through the swamps and saw a few things here and there, but nothing really cool for about a half hour.

At that point I felt a drop of water. Then another. In a matter of seconds we were in a huge downpour and our guide drove as fast as he could to get us back to their shop. In the meantime we were going so fast that every drop of water pounded into our faces — it hurt so much! After what seemed like forever we pulled up to the shop and all of us ran inside.

"Ow!!" I said to Amy standing next to me.

"Oww is right! And I’m cold now." Amy replied.

"Yeah." Ashley agreed with us. I checked my camera to make sure it had stayed dry enough in my fanny pack — thankfully it had. I pulled it out and had Mom take a picture of all of the girls and myself — our hair was an absolute wreck! I told them all I wanted to have some pictures of this disaster for my scrapbook.

We all shivered and looked through their store for souvenirs. It poured for another fifteen minutes or so while we were in the store before finally stopping. I did look at the alligator heads as something to take back… but since I hadn’t seen any, what was the point?

"Is everyone ready to go to dinner?" Ms. Fitz asked us.

"Yeah," all of the guys said. The rest of us just nodded.

I was happy to walk outside where it was warmer. We were all still dripping water from our clothes as we climbed into the vans. The girls and I all whined a bit about our hair being a mess and how wet we were. The adults all promised us it would be a short ride though.

For dinner that night we went to a pizza place where there was a buffet. We ate quietly at first, but everyone started winding up as we ate. Laughter filled the restaurant and everyone began to discuss going swimming at the hotel when we got back. I was among the really excited kids about that, it had looked like a really neat system of pools.

Soon after dinner we headed back for the hotel. When we got there we all split off to our rooms. I looked very forlornly at my swimming trunks — I wasn’t allowed to wear a girl’s swimsuit. Amy came out of the bathroom in one of her swimming suits and I went in and changed myself. We all walked down to the pool together and started swimming.

I felt incredibly strange that night as I walked down to the pool. ‘How many times had I been dressed like this? Obviously too many to count, but I felt so odd this time…’ I finally pinned it down to the fact that my chest was bare. ‘It should be covered up like the other girls.’ I thought to myself.

After about ten minutes Amy pulled me away and said, "Come with me." She led me up to the top of a path that was attached to the pool and was the source for a waterfall that fell to a series of jacuzzis that cascaded down to the main pool. We sat down in the warm water and just talked for about nothing for a few minutes before Nikki, Ashley, and Jennifer joined us.

I wasn’t real happy when Jennifer joined us — she wasn’t part of my inner circle of friends. I was feeling pretty torn about the swimsuit thing right now. I knew I didn’t have anything that I needed to hide on my chest (yet!), but it still seemed weird. There was a lot of tension within me about this, and I really needed to talk about it. I didn’t want to talk about it with Jennifer there though.

"Brandon?" Jennifer was talking to me.

"Yes?"

"Umm… I noticed something earlier… and wondered if I could ask you a question, a kind of personal question…"

I had a bad feeling that this was leading towards the obvious question… But they were going to find out sometime or another. "Umm… I’ll answer it, but if it’s what I’m thinking of I’d prefer you keep my answer a secret."

"I promise. I was just wondering why you had on a girls shirt today?"

"What do you mean?"

"I have that exact same shirt — I almost wore it today but decided to save it for another day. And then there’s your haircut, I would love to have it myself — but it’s definitely not a boy’s style…"

Yep, she had something figured out. "You’re sure you can keep a secret?" I asked.

"Yes you’d better keep this secret," Amy and Nikki both stated looking like a pack of hyenas.

"I promise, but what’s going on?" She was smart but hadn’t figured it all out.

"Well Jennifer, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not a boy." I told her.

"That’s ridiculous, you have boy parts right?" She asked.

I paused, scared about all of this — but almost wanting to smile because of the way she asked. "For now, though I hope to deal with that in time. Look, I have what they call gender-identity disorder. The doctor I’m seeing says it’s not really a disorder though, they just call it that. My body just doesn’t match up with who I feel I am…" I replied.

She interrupted, "So… that’s weird… but that’s okay. You guys already knew?" She asked Nikki, Amy, and Ashley.

They all nodded, with Amy saying, "I’d suspected for a long time. Brandon has been over at my house for most of the year. I’ve probably known longer than he has."

"You don’t go by Brandon when you’re a girl do you?" She asked.

"No. My name is going to be Tiffany now. So… what are you going to do?" I asked nervously.

"What do you mean?"

"Well you know my secret now, what are you going to do?"

"I’m going to keep your secret. It’s a little weird, but I’d still like to be your friend if you’d let me." Jennifer said sincerely.

"Thanks Jennifer."

"So does that mean I can call you Tiffany now?"

"Sure, just make sure no one except…" I listed all of the names off, "are around."

"That many people know?" She asked, surprised.

"Well most of the girls found out when we had Amy’s slumber party." I replied.

"Actually I think Nikki and Ashley had figured out before hand during the Barbie project too." Amy added as they both nodded.

"So Tiffany, why did you come on this trip as Brandon?"

"The adults all decided it would cause too many problems." I replied.

"But they’re letting you wear some girls clothing?" She asked.

I explained the guidelines that they had decided for me. We then chatted about a good many other things before I heard someone coming up the trail to where we were.

"There you all are!" Ms. Fitz said. "We wondered where you all had gotten off to. It’s time to go ahead and head inside alright? We need to get an early start tomorrow morning!" She ushered us back down the trail and up to our rooms to go to bed.

As we split off Jennifer quietly said, "Good night Tiffany."

I looked back at her and said, "Goodnight, and thanks!" I said with a smile.

See I could have come dressed as Tiffany! I knew that while that meant I had almost all of the girls on my side, I couldn’t necessarily say that the boys’ reaction would have been okay though. Once Amy and I were back in the room we were ushered into the shower one at a time so that we could skip that step in the morning. I went first since I really wanted to get into my pajamas — because of course they were girl pajamas.

Ten minutes later I was brushing my hair out while Amy was in the bathroom. About then I heard a knock at the door. Amy’s parents were out somewhere so I decided to go ahead and answer the door. When I looked through the peephole I saw it was my Mom.

"How are you holding up sweetie?" She asked me.

"Well I wish I could be me on this trip…" I told her.

"I know sweetie, but you know that it won’t be too long until you’re able to be yourself." She told me soothingly. She grabbed my hairbrush out of my hand and began brushing it out for me. I was pretty much purring when Amy came out and sat down on the other side of the bed. Her parents came in a second later and she held her own hairbrush out to her mom.

A while later, as my mom had declared that she was tired of brushing my hair, we heard another knock at the door. It was Ms. Fitz this time. "You both look cute," she told us as she came in. She explained a few things with our destinations the next day, and then we were both told it was time for bed.

This was a new first in the level of trust… we were both allowed to share the second bed in the room. Not that anything was going to happen, but it really did help reassert the fact that they believed that I was indeed a girl. Before going to bed we both got a stuffed animal out of our bags to sleep with.

The last thing I remember for that day was Melanie saying, "Good night girls."
 
 
Chapter 25
 
 

IN THE MORNING we were prodded out of bed and herded to an area where they had a continental breakfast for us. We each had a bag with us this morning that had our swimsuits in them since we were going to go to the beach when we got done with going to Space Camp and Kennedy Space Center.

That day I had dressed in a pair of girls shorts and a guys shirt that could have been a girls. It was actually the ski resort shirt that Amy’s parents had bought me on that trip. Essentially there really was no way that someone could tell I was a boy today. Amy and I had both used a black ponytail holder to put our hair up that morning — we were far too tired to do more.

We all gathered together in the lobby when we were done eating to board the bus that would be taking us everywhere now. It was awesome getting on this bus — it had TV’s, comfortable seats that leaned back, and even had a bathroom! The bus driver was also really cool and we all settled in for the drive.

I’ll be honest; this was the part of the trip that I had been looking forward to the most. I had wanted to go to Space Camp for several summers since I had learned about it. My parents could never possibly afford to send me though, so this would be my one chance to see everything they had there.

The first part of our tour allowed several of us to try some equipment that let us experience how inertia could send us out of control very easily. It was a lot of fun! Amy and Kyle both tried out another simulator that let you feel what a flat spin would be like. I had no desire to go on that one and get sick!

We were shown a bunch of different science experiments and given a short tour of a shuttle mockup that the space camp attendees were able to run shuttle missions through. I was really disappointed that none of us were able to give that one a try.

After a long tour, that I found to be a blast, we were shown to another shuttle simulator that gave us an idea of what a passenger version of the space shuttle might be like. It was a neat experience that concluded our tour. The tour guide then led us into the store where I looked around for some souvenirs.

I ended up picking up a girls t-shirt and a couple postcards to take home. I also couldn’t resist the freeze dried ice cream. Amy and Nikki both followed my lead on those items before we all went to find a bathroom. Once again I felt some strange looks on my back as I went into the boys’ bathroom. I really wished I could just use the girls!

We left from there a little while later and drove over to Kennedy Space Center. At Kennedy we were given a science demonstration with things like the shuttle’s tiles having a blow torch used on them, among other things. From there we got to go on a tour of their museum — seeing some really cool things like the command modules and space suits.

Then they led us to the outdoor area where the rocket garden was located. We all just kind of wandered around aimlessly looking at the massive rockets that towered over us. It was easily enough to keep your imagination in overdrive. Our last structured stop at Kennedy, before lunch, was to the memorial for fallen astronauts. Even at our age we were all moved by the gravity of the memorial. I definitely felt like those astronauts deserved to have their names memorialized for their efforts to bring us to space.

By that point all of our stomachs were seriously growling, thankfully we were taken to a café to eat a lunch of burgers or hot dogs. Amy and I ate quickly so we could grab a cup of "space dots" for dessert before going to see an IMAX film about a shuttle launch. The IMAX film was probably one of the cooler moments of the visit — even though I wasn’t expecting it to be as cool as it was. The huge screen combined with the huge sound was a great way to experience a shuttle launch!

We had about thirty minutes inside the gift shop there where we all bought a couple things. I purchased a couple patches, some pencils and pens, and a few more postcards. I had my eyes on one of the space pens that you could write with upside down, but my parents talked me out of that purchase. We ended up leaving Kennedy at about 2:30 for Cocoa Beach.

It felt like a long drive, though it really wasn’t more than about forty minutes. In the meantime I gabbed with Amy and Jennifer. As the day had gone on I wondered why I had never gotten to know Jennifer. She really was a lot of fun. When we pulled up to the beach our teachers led us to a set of bathrooms we could change into our swimsuits real quick. Actually it was pretty much only the boys that needed to change as most of the girls had worn their suits underneath their clothes.

I actually kind of cheated — I changed in the bathroom on the bus real quick when we got on. I hated all of the stares I kept getting whenever I went to the public bathrooms. I was probably honestly drawing more attention to myself by going in the boy’s restroom than going in the girl’s restroom. Since I was already dressed I was able to go straight down to the beach with Amy and the girls.

All of us were commanded to put sunscreen on, and told we would need to get out of the water in an hour and a half. That would give us a little bit of time to go through Ron Jon’s Surf Shop. It was about 3:15 or so when we entered the water — and the beach wasn’t busy at all.

As I got in the water I found it truly amazing! The water was so warm, salty, and made me float more than I did in swimming pools. I enjoyed swimming in the water and went a little farther out after a bit. Someone had brought a beach ball that we started tossing back and forth at one point.

After a while we all kind of got tired and just floated around and talked.

"So Amy what are you doing the rest of the summer?" Ashley asked.

"Well I’m going to go to a cheerleading camp in California in a couple weeks. I’m hoping to get some experience before we start the school camp a few weeks later." She told her.

"I wish I could go with you," Lindsey said. The other girls all agreed too.

"How about you Nikki?" Lindsey asked.

"Well there’s a music camp that my parents want to send me to in like three weeks. I’ve heard that it’s fun. We’ll see though."

Nikki looked around for a second and then asked, "Tiffany what are you doing after this?"

"I haven’t really made it that far. I’m just looking forward to being myself when we get back I guess. Really I’ve been planning for this trip so long I haven’t made it much past it…. I’m sure I’m going to have a lot of doctor’s appointments when we get back."

We moved on to each person, and soon after we were finished were told to go ahead and start heading towards the shore to go shopping at Ron Jon’s.

We were first led to some outdoor showers, and then I put on a shirt over my chest so that I didn’t feel quite so out of place. I also quickly changed back into my normal shorts in the bathroom. Once I was dressed I hurried to meet back up with everyone going into Ron Jon’s.

It was an incredibly cool store. I really can’t do it justice in words. They had an amazing number of cool things all over the place in the store. In particular I saw a couple of swimsuits that I desperately wanted. I whispered that to my mom — but I honestly didn’t think she would do anything about it. I did buy a key chain and a few post cards there. One of the guys bought a waveboard thing — how he was going to get it back home I wasn’t sure.

I had already spent more so far on this trip than I could have imagined spending on a regular basis. It wasn’t a lot, but I was trying to hold out for more souvenirs in the Disney parks. I knew that things would be a lot more expensive there. Amy and I walked through the aisles pointing to this or that before we were all ushered out to the bus. It was 6pm by the time we pulled away from the beach and headed for dinner.

We pulled up to a fifty’s style restaurant about ten minutes later. I sat down at a table with Amy, our parents, Nikki, and the two teachers.

We had been sitting for a couple moments when the waiter came by and asked the adults, "Does she need a booster seat?" indicating Nikki.

Amy and I couldn’t help it — we giggled.

Nikki replied, "sure." I was a little shocked.

"Why did you say yes?" Amy asked.

"I get one at a lot of restaurants. I mean look how high this table is for me. I just hate having to put my arms out like this to eat. I don’t have a problem with it." She amazingly didn’t look embarrassed.

"Neither do we," I replied. "I’m sorry if I laughed though… it just caught us off guard and seemed kind of funny…" I said carefully, hoping that we hadn’t offended her.

"Yes it was." Nikki replied. "We should have asked for one for you though too Tiff." She said giggling just before the waiter came back with it. I stuck my tongue out at her. Truthfully she did look a lot more comfortable sitting that way — it was just kind of strange.

"So are you girls having fun?" Ms. Fitz asked us.

"Yes," the three of us answered in unison.

"What was your favorite part today?" She asked us.

Amy answered first, "The Beach. I love the water."

Nikki said, "Ron Jon’s was great."

"I think it was Space Camp, I’ve wanted to go there for a long time," I replied to her.

"I’m glad to hear you guys all had something you liked today."

We moved on conversation wise to what we were going to eat. The waiter soon came around and asked me, "and you young lady?"

"A strawberry shake first — and a bacon cheeseburger with fries please." I replied. I was pleased that he had called me a lady - even though I definitely ordered a non-lady like meal. As he took Amy’s order next to me I noticed that Kyle — sitting at a table across from us — seemed to stare at me for a moment. I wondered if he had heard the waiter refer to me as a lady.

I whispered to Amy, "I think Kyle heard me being called a lady. He just looked at me kind of strange."

"What’s he going to say? It’s not like you introduced yourself as Tiffany to him. He just assumed that you were a girl — Kyle shouldn’t be a problem Tiff," she whispered back to me.

"I hope not," I replied to her. Our shakes came shortly after that and my mind went solely to eating that. Every once in a while I swore I saw Kyle staring at me, but I decided I must have just been going nuts. Food came and went from there, and before I knew it we were heading back onto the bus to go to the hotel.

The bus driver put on a movie while we were going back. I thought that was so incredibly cool he was able to do that! Why couldn’t our school buses have TV’s on them? I must have drifted off to sleep because the next thing I knew Amy was poking me and telling me to wake up.

"Why’d you go to sleep?" Amy asked me.

"I went to sleep?" I inquired sleepily.

"Duh! Come on, we’re supposed to go to our rooms and get ready for bed. They said that we can stay up a bit later, but they want us in the rooms." She prodded me to grab my stuff and we went to the room. As soon as I got in there I woke up and started getting hyper. I could actually change back into my girls pajamas!

As soon as the hotel door opened I grabbed my pajamas and ran into the bathroom to change. I came out smiling with a huge grin and hopped onto the bed nearly knocking Amy, who was sitting on the edge, off.

"Hey!" she exclaimed.

"Sorry… just a little excited." I replied sheepishly.

"What’s gotten into you?" Amy’s mom asked.

"I hate having to be Brandon… I feel so scared every time that I go into a bathroom that someone’s going to ask why that ‘girl’ is going into the boys bathroom? I get stared at every time. If it wasn’t for the fact that I’ve been going in with my dad I think some people would have commented… or worse… I don’t belong there, and every stranger knows it…" I told her. A lot of my fears were being stated for the first time tonight.

She came over and hugged me. "Look Tiffany, let me go get your parents and let’s talk about this okay?" She said. She looked at me as if she was concerned I was going to cry, but something was keeping me from doing that. I’m still not sure what.

I just kind of sat looking off into space for a moment when I heard the door open and close again with my parents, Amy’s parents, and Ms. Fitz now in the room.

Mom came over to me and gave me a hug, Dad did the same. "What’s going on? Is there something wrong?" Mom asked.

"Well, Tiffany was just talking to me about a concern that she’s had — and I’m frankly kind of worried about." Amy’s mom started off.

"Actually when she vocalized it a little bit ago I realized I had been kind of concerned about this today too." Amy’s dad added.

My parents looked really worried, and Ms. Fitz didn’t look like she was looking forward to this next part either. "Tiffany, why don’t you tell them what you told us?" Amy’s mom asked sweetly.

"I’m worried… Every time I go to the bathroom I’m afraid that someone is going to comment, or jump me asking ‘why this girl is in the boy’s restroom.’ Even dressed as a boy everyone assumes I’m a girl. If it wasn’t for the fact that people could tell that I went in with you, Daddy, I’m sure there were some boys earlier today that were going to make fun of me… or worse."

My dad responded first, "Actually, kind of like Greg, I’d been noticing this too even before we got into Orlando. I’ve been trying to keep an eye on you Tiff, but I think this is something we need to address."

"How?" I asked. I was staying calm… I was amazed by that.

"Well why don’t we go one day at a time with that?" My mom suggested.

"…Okay… What do we do tomorrow then?" I asked.

"Well tomorrow morning is Discovery Island, it shouldn’t be a big deal since we’ll be in a group by ourselves," Ms. Fitz answered. "So there shouldn’t be any of those issues that we’re worried about. We can just keep it as status quo there."

"And the afternoon?" I asked. It was at this point I noticed Mom had a shopping bag with her.

"Well how about wearing this?" She asked showing me one of the swimsuits I had pointed out earlier.

"Really?" I asked. "… but what about everyone else?"

Ms. Fitz answered first, "Why don’t you wear it underneath your clothes tomorrow. It may be kind of difficult to deal with in the bathroom in the morning… But when we get to the waterpark we can split off with a few of your friends and you can just pull your shorts and t-shirt off and be ready to go. That should keep you safe enough, and then you all can go off somewhere and enjoy yourselves."

"If for whatever reason you run into a person of our group who doesn’t know you can probably hide behind the other girls. It could get dicey, but if you’re going to come to school next year as Tiffany anyway there’s not a whole lot to lose at this point. I think some of the kids that don’t know are already starting to pick up some stuff anyway." She finished.

"It’s up to you though Tiffany. What do you want to do?" Mom asked me.

Was that a simple yet completely scary question or what?

I looked at Amy, "do you think we can pull it off?"

"Well, I wouldn’t be surprised if someone sees us… but if we’re careful we can probably make it work." She replied.

"Okay then. I guess Tiffany will be going to Typhoon Lagoon tomorrow!" I replied. I had a large smile on my face when I said that.
 
 
Chapter 26
 
 

THE FOLLOWING MORNING I woke up and put on my new swimsuit first, and then pulled on a pair of boy’s shorts and a shirt on top of the swimsuit. My mom came and knocked to get in the room about that time, "Are you sure you want to do this Tiffany?" She asked me as she came in.

"I think so…" I replied timidly. I had a lot more butterflies today than I did yesterday. In general the idea was simply that I was going to be Brandon until we got to the waterpark, then several of us — and Ms. Fitz, were going to split off and I could be Tiffany for the afternoon. I was not worried about strangers, none of them would know, I was mainly worried about other members of our group that might recognize me if they saw us.

At this point six of the other girls knew… but that was it. That left one girl and five boys I would have to deal with if they found out. Oh well.

While I’d been sitting there thinking about all of this, Mom had sat down next to me on the bed and was braiding my hair into one braid. "Won’t people figure this one out?" I asked Mom.

Amy answered, "It’ll be easier to deal with when we go to the water park." When she walked in front of me I realized she too had braided hair. "All of the girls are doing it," she added. As if that made me feel like I wasn’t sticking out at the moment. Before I knew it we were on the way out the door.

"Hey Brandon, who braided your hair?" Brittany asked.

"Umm… Amy did. She said it would keep my hair out of my eyes when we go swimming later." I responded. Slight lie… not huge though.

"That’s a good idea. I’ll have to get someone to do it for me when we get on the bus." She said thoughtfully.

We all boarded the bus and took our seats. As we drove through Orlando we followed the signs to Disney World, and soon we got our first look at the outside of the Disney Park. After driving through the park roads for a while, we came to a beach where we got off the bus to take a boat out to the island.

Everyone at the island was dressed in ‘safari’ gear and we were soon on a tour of the island. They had a number of big Galapagos turtles there. They were so large we easily could have ridden them. The island had a number of things in it, but I think my dad’s favorite was the bird cage. There were so many different types of birds in the cage, and they were all very colorful.

There were also some flamingos, some lemurs, and some swans… but it really wasn’t that special beyond that. The workers gave us a fairly thorough set of science lessons with everything, it wasn’t uninteresting, but it wasn’t the highlight of the trip so far. Kennedy and Space Camp were better science lessons.

We stopped by the bathrooms on our way out. I found the farthest stall away from the door and moved quickly to take stuff off in such a way that the guys couldn’t figure out that I had a girl’s swimsuit on underneath my clothes. I honestly thought that Kyle might have seen a strap hanging out of the neck of my shirt at one point, but I don’t think he was paying attention. I was just lucky that the shirt I was wearing was heavy enough to hide the suit.

As I left I noticed that one of the guides gave me a funny look trying to decipher why I had been in the boys room. Oh well… that’s why I was going as Tiffany to the next park!

As we drove to the next park I wondered why I was getting funnier looks by strangers today — then I remembered that my hair wasn’t just long anymore, it was styled in a girls style. I didn’t want to change that one bit, but I was looking forward to being less uncomfortable after this trip was done.

The bus didn’t have to travel far before we were at Typhoon Lagoon. We were each given food vouchers for lunch and turned loose. Ms. Fitz led Amy, Amber, Nikki, Ashley, and I away from the rest of the group, dragging behind everyone else as they hurried through the entrance to the park.

Once we were in the park she suggested we go ahead and eat lunch first to give the others some more time to get out of sight before enjoying the park. We paid with our voucher and got a slice of pizza and a drink. All of us ate quickly before Ms. Fitz led us into a ladies locker room. The four girls and I all were ready to go outside pretty quickly — everyone had worn their swimsuits under their clothes — and we were in and out of the locker room in almost no time.

We had locked up all of my clothes in a separate locker that I could give a key to someone else to get them if we got desperate to hide my appearance. I didn’t care that much at that moment, I was just happy to not have to try to act like I was a boy.

I skipped and giggled as we headed for the ‘lazy river,’ for a bit. Amy said it was kind of relaxing and fun — plus more importantly we knew the others weren’t heading there first.

The lazy river wasn’t overly exciting — but it was relaxing to sit down in the inner-tube and it gave me a chance to kind of calm down my nerves. After we floated around a good chunk of the park we all got out and headed for the ‘shark reef’ attraction. You could snorkel with the sharks in a tank that had a coral reef and lots of other fish. It sounded really cool!

As we approached the front of the line Ashley said, "This is kind of crazy isn’t it?"

"Naw…" I replied, "they wouldn’t let us swim with them if they were dangerous."

"Tiffany’s right Ashley," Amy replied.

"Alright then, let’s get this over with." She replied. I was really amazed that she was so scared of this.

They handed each of us a partial wetsuit type thing and a snorkel as we got to the waters edge. After a little bit of discussion we started swimming in the tank.

It was soooo cool! I took my time moving through the water so I could stare at everything below. By the time I got to the other side the other girls and Ms. Fitz had already handed in the gear and were ready to move on. Part of me really wanted to stay behind and go through that again — but they didn’t want to do that. My safety really stemmed from being with friends so I moved on with them.

Our next stop was a few really tall water slides. Ms. Fitz just kind of found a seat and watched as we climbed the stairs to the slides. As I came down the third and final time on those slides, the bottom part of my swimsuit slipped a little. Nothing became visible… but it sure made me nervous. I quickly put everything back in order as best I could under the water in the pool that it splashed into.

That was unnerving.

We moved on from there to a white water raft ride. Ms. Fitz said that was going to have to be the last thing we did if we were going to make it back in time to avoid running into anyone we knew in the locker room.

It was a fun final ride at the park with the raft ride. We all screamed and squealed a fair amount throughout the ride. Really it was more about having fun screaming than it was being startled or scared. All of us girls, including Ms. Fitz, skipped our way back to the locker room where I pulled my swimsuit off in a bathroom stall, put on a pair of panties, and put my shorts and t-shirt back on.

I had been in a store with Amy for about three minutes when everyone else started to arrive back. Nothing was said to the rest of the group about the extra girl that joined the group for the afternoon. As far as any of us could tell no one else ever ran into our group that day — that surprised me a lot, but I wasn’t going to slap a gift horse in the mouth.

That night we had dinner and ended up in our rooms watching TV for a bit before going to bed. I went down the hallway before I got into my pajamas and knocked on Ms. Fitz’s door. Brittany came to the door.

"Hey Brandon how are you doing?" She asked me.

"Pretty good, is Ms. Fitz in here?" I asked.

"She’s in the bathroom, she should be right out." She replied to me. "So Brandon did you have fun today?" She asked.

It was really strange being called Brandon for some reason at that moment. "Umm… Yeah I did. How about you?"

"Yeah I did too. So what else are you doing this summer?"

"I don’t know. We were talking about that yesterday at the beach; I really don’t have any more plans this summer." I replied.

"Is it true that your project with that video got you guys a lot of money?" She asked me.

"A fair amount…" I answered. Where was this going?

"And… doll houses for all of you?" She asked me.

"Umm… yeah, that’s funny in my case wasn’t it?" I asked ironically, hoping that we could get around this soon. My luck hung in there for the day.

"Hey Brandon," Ms. Fitz said from behind me. "What’s up?"

"I just wanted to come by and thank you for earlier… I really appreciated it." I told her.

"It was no problem. I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but we’ll see if we can work out something similar." She replied to me.

"What are you guys talking about?" Brittany asked.

"Nothing… she just helped me out with something earlier…" I replied knowing I was leaving a question in there. "Maybe I’ll tell you about it tomorrow night or something. It’s kind of a long story and I really should be going back to my room. Goodnight guys." I replied…. Umm… Yeah… Way to blow that one Tiffany.

That night I didn’t sleep real well. I didn’t really know Brittany, but I knew she wasn’t dumb enough not to realize there was something more there. Had she pumped her roommate, Jennifer, for information last night? Would Jennifer have told her? I had pretty much decided that I was going to have to fill in Brittany if she asked me anything else.
 
 
Chapter 27
 
 

TODAY WE WERE going to Epcot. It sounded kind of interesting, but I was a little afraid that they were going to be too focused on learning today, for us to be able to have a really good time. As I got up that morning and took a shower I put on another pair of panties and a pair of girls shorts. I also decided what the heck and put on a shirt that was really a girl’s shirt as well — it could have been a guy’s shirt. It definitely wasn’t though.

When I stepped out of the bathroom, I saw Amy’s mom putting her hair into two pig tails with red and white ribbons in each side. Each ribbon had polka dots of the other color on it.

"Tiffany, do you want me to do yours like this too?" she asked me.

"Umm… I’d love to… but what about everyone else?" I asked.

"I think you’ll be fine, but you can always say that I made you do it," Amy answered.

"Okay, twist my arm why don’t you," I said. What I wasn’t expecting was Amy to come over and do just that. I stuck my tongue out at her.

We dried my hair as best we could, and soon my hair was put up exactly like Amy’s. I liked it. Really we were all way too old for pig-tails to be cool… but still. I guess I missed that part of my life so I didn’t mind it at this point.

When we got down to the breakfast area I saw that all of the girls had their hair done in the exact same way. My mom came over to me and gave me a hug. "Your hair is cute sweetie. I think Melanie was right that it would look cute — and it should make it easier to find all of you later too."

"So there was an ulterior motive then huh?" I asked.

"Well yeah. But you like it don’t you?" She added under her breath to me.

I blushed and nodded. She sent me off to get some breakfast and I sat down at a table with Amy and Nikki. A few moments later Brittany came over by herself, "Can I join you guys?"

"Sure," Amy and I chimed in.

Her hair had been done the same way too, I don’t know if she thought it was as cute as I did though. "I see the adults have had fun with your hair too Brandon?" she asked me.

"Umm… yeah. Actually I’m blaming Amy for my hair at the moment." I stuck my tongue out at her for show. "They may have had a little too much fun this morning?" I asked timidly trying to feel her out.

"Actually it is pretty cute — especially on you," she replied back. "You know with your hair done that way you actually would make a really cute girl…" She told me. I just about choked on the orange juice I was drinking.

Amy looked a little worried when we exchanged glances.

Nikki had her wits about her though and said, "Yeah, he probably would make a pretty girl if he was in the right clothes… Would you have a problem with that?" She asked innocently. I think she was the only one — being so short and such — that could have pulled off that question.

I’m not sure if Brittany was actually thinking of this as a possible beginning to a nuclear war before — now she seemed taken a bit aback and looked at us a bit. Her face bore a really puzzled expression. After a moments thought she laughed and replied, "No, I don’t have a problem with that. If Brandon was wearing a dress that might be a little weird, but I wouldn’t have a problem with it. Why are you all so touchy about this?" She asked.

‘Houston we have a problem.’ At that moment I had a decision to make… Amy and Nikki wouldn’t tell my secret — it was mine and mine alone to tell and they knew it. Brittany could pressure any of the others and could possibly get information. I didn’t think they would tell, but you never knew. What it really boiled down to was the fact that…

"Wait a minute." She had the good sense to whisper and look around to see if anyone else was around (they weren’t thankfully). "You’re wearing some of Amy’s clothes today aren’t you?"

Moment of truth… "No actually I’m wearing my own clothes." I replied back to her.

"So… you want to be a girl?" Her face was an incredibly frightening thing to look at right then. She looked puzzled, horrified, shocked, and a whole lot of other things. The most disturbing bit was that she was smiling too.

Keep it simple stupid… "Sort of… it’s complicated..." I paused, "Really I think that maybe I’ve always been one." I replied back to her in the same whisper.

She just sat there silent for a moment as she looked around a bit. "I’m the only girl here who didn’t know?" She asked.

"At this point." I replied. "I’m sorry I didn’t tell you already, but I don’t really know you that well. ‘The adults’ decided it would be best if I still came as Brandon on this trip. But they’re starting to recognize that it’s causing more trouble than it is really worth."

She still looked stunned but was getting over it. "I guess I should have wondered when you had that one shirt on when we left. Jennifer has that same top…" She paused for a few moments.

I looked at her and asked, "So are you going to be okay with knowing this?"

"And keeping it a secret," Amy added fairly fiercely.

"As long as you’ll consider letting me be your friend." She replied.

"That’s easy," I replied with a smile.

"I’m assuming you don’t go by Brandon when you are a girl?" She asked.

"No." I extended her my hand, "I’m Tiffany." She took it and shook it before extending her pinky to me and offering to let me swear her to secrecy without even me suggesting it.

With that our conversation lightened up a lot! Brittany was actually pretty nice. She had a lot of the same interests as we did — she just wasn’t in our school so we didn’t know her. That apparently was supposed to change next year — she said she was going to come over to our middle school. Of course I wasn’t even sure if I was going to be at that middle school after this summer…

Someone had suggested that I relocate to another school where people didn’t know Brandon — they thought it would be easier to fit in. I didn’t want to leave Amy and all of the rest of my friends though. I was honestly tempted to just show up as the ‘new girl’ at the beginning of the year and see what happened. Before too long we were herded back onto a bus to go to Epcot at Walt Disney World.

When we got there we were met by a tour guide who took us around to the main attractions and helped us avoid being in any lines. My favorite stop on this tour was probably when we ‘went inside the body.’ It was a neat simulator ride — and honestly one of the most entertaining things that day. Also really neat was the moving jets of water over a really pretty garden they had. With the plants sculpted into animals and Disney characters, it made a really neat place, and we took a lot of pictures there.

We finished our tour by riding up to the top of the big ball thing and seeing the different future possibilities inside of it. When we came down our tour guide left us and we broke up into some different groups. The group that I was in was definitely the largest. It was my parents, Amy’s parents, Amy, Lindsey, Jennifer, Brittany, and myself.

Once we split up our groups Amy and I started leading our group to food. We were both starving.

We ended up at another one of the many places in the Disney parks that cater to American needs in food — another hamburger. I was getting really sick of the burgers, but at least for dinner Amy’s parents had made arrangements for us to eat at a better restaurant. All I knew about it was that it was in the French Embassy area of the park.

After lunch we then started moving towards the other side of the park where all of the embassies were. We stopped in a store at the first stop and picked up ‘passports’ for each of us. We then started going from place to place hitting the attractions and finding souvenirs from the different countries. At one point we stopped at the restrooms and I went into the girls with everyone else. Well everyone else except our dads! I was really glad that all of the girls knew about me at this point — it made life a lot easier.

It was probably about 4pm when we went into a jewelry store in one of the sections. With the girls we walked through and were pointing out different necklaces and earrings to each other. A couple minutes later we came to the part of the counter that had different studs for piercing your ears.

"Tiffany, you should get your ears pierced." Lindsey said.

"My parents don’t want me to do it till we get back." I said sadly.

"What don’t we want you to do?" My mom came up behind me.

"Get my ears pierced before we get back." I replied to her. I managed to do it without too much attitude. There was certainly some bitterness present though.

She looked at me for a moment and then walked over to talk to my dad for a second. "Which ones do you want?" She asked pointing to the studs. I couldn’t believe it — I figured there was no way that I was going to be allowed to do that yet.

The girls all had an opinion on which ones I should get, but I finally settled on a pair of gold studs that had a deep blue sapphire in each of them. I really wanted the pink — but if I was even going to maintain a half-hearted effort at this lie then pink would be the wrong color to get.

I have to admit that I was kind of a bit on the wimpy side with the earrings. I definitely flinched and nearly cried from nerves before it got done — but at least once it was done I didn’t really feel that much. They gave us some stuff to clean my ears with — something Mom said I had to do every day. She wasn’t going to pay to get them re-pierced just because they got infected.

Of course once we had that done it opened up a whole new avenue of souvenirs to buy to take back home! I ended up with six additional pairs of earrings that I would be able to wear once my ears healed. Finally we were all pulled away from the various attractions and shopping by Mr. Hancock to go to dinner.

When we walked into the restaurant that Mr. Hancock had made reservations at I was suddenly concerned that we would be kicked out because of dress code. I mentioned that to Amy and she replied, "They’re used to people coming in like this from the park. As long as you make reservations they don’t have a problem with it."

I knew Mr. Hancock had in fact called earlier to expand the number since we had more people than he had expected originally. We were actually seated rather quickly, and they didn’t even give us a second glance for our clothing as far as I could tell. Our waitress came to the table soon after that.

"Bonjour! Je m’appele Elodie, your waitress for this evening. May I start you out with an appetizer?" She asked.

Mr. Hancock ordered several things for us all to share and then she came by for our drink orders. "Et vous, mademoiselle?" She asked me.

"Iced tea please?" I asked.

"Bien sur. By the way I love all of your hair," She said to all of us with a thick, authentic, Parisian accent. I know I blushed — I think Amy and Brittany did too. With that she was off to take care of our appetizers. The menu gave all of the stuff in both French and English. I was personally intrigued by the French stuff — maybe I’d have to study it when I got old enough.

We all took a stab at ordering something and she actually came back and interacted with us a lot. ‘The girls,’ as the adults had taken to calling us, all headed off for the bathroom before we got our food. It kind of amused me that I used to be someone that gave girls a hard time about ‘flocking’ to the bathroom.

For me it was more of a safety factor than most girls… I was so thankful that I was actually able to go in relative safety to the girl’s room though. That’s the way I had been doing things all day pretty much — and it made me far more comfortable. I didn’t get any strange glances when I went into the girls’ room. The day had been much better with that!

I really enjoyed the food that was waiting when we got back. It was so rich and tasty. We split some desserts, then after leaving the restaurant began going through the rest of the embassy section. Amy and I began racing each other to see who could get their ‘passport’ book finished quicker.

We were of course slowed down by our parents… couldn’t they see we were racing? We actually ended up finishing about forty-five minutes before the fireworks show was supposed to begin.

My mom pulled us off inside a store real quick at that point. "Hey why don’t we all go ahead and get one of these?" She asked holding up a yellow rain jacket.

"Do we have to Mom?" I asked her. Amy also looked like she wasn’t real fond of it.

"Do you want to get soaked again?" Mom asked me in return.

I grumbled but took the jacket that she bought for me and put it in a bag of souvenirs. Hopefully we wouldn’t have to wear them.

Before we split up we had a predetermined time and location we were all supposed to meet before the fireworks show. Amber, Nikki, and Ashley showed up and we became a group of girls in a circle pretty quickly. Nikki was the first to notice my new earrings.

"Tiffany, those are pretty!" She said as she examined them.

I had forgotten all about them. ‘I wonder what the guys are going to say?’ I asked myself.

"Thanks," I replied to her. "Do you think it’s going too far at this point?" I asked her quietly.

"No," I think you’ll be fine. She pulled me aside and whispered to me, "I think Kyle has figured out something. He asked me if I knew of anything going on with you. I didn’t say anything though," She added quickly.

"Maybe it would be better if I told him?" I asked her.

"I don’t know. I think you should just wait and see what happens for now. I just wanted to let you know."

"Thanks Nikki, you’re a really great friend." I gave her a brief friendly hug and we rejoined the group of girls that had now grown to all of the kids.

I stayed in between a couple of the girls to keep the guys from getting a good look at my ears. I really didn’t want to have to deal with that quite yet. As the fireworks show began to start all of the lights dimmed around the water where they were shooting them off.

The show was really cool — I’m definitely a pyro, so that meant I would have done about anything to have been involved with it. I thoroughly enjoyed watching things explode! As the last volley of fireworks went off as a finale I felt raindrops begin to fall onto my head. All of us began ripping open the packaging on our raincoats and putting them on.

I think, from later accounts, that the adults realized quickly they had a problem. Suddenly every one of us looked exactly the same! They all ordered us to hold each others hands and I ended up with Kyle holding my right hand.

That was strange. He looked at me kind of funny — and I realized he must have seen my earrings at that point. He kept hold of my hand still and I hung onto Amy’s hand. It was at that moment that it really occurred to me that eventually I might have to or want to date a boy… that would be really strange.

Between all of the sheets of rain, and our long trek back to the buses holding hands, I didn’t have a lot of time to ponder that much more. I knew I would have to think about it eventually though. As we got on the bus and I sat down in my seat Kyle stopped by my row and asked, "Can I sit next to you?"

"Umm… Sure." I replied

"So are you enjoying the trip so far?" He asked me.

"Yeah, I’m having the time of my life. How about you?" I asked.

"It’s great. I’ve never been east of New Mexico before. My parents have never wanted to go this way for some reason. Have you been here before?"

"No, my parents have never had the money for it. If not for the film we made I’d say they would never again… but hopefully that won’t be as much the case now." I told him.

"Was that fun making that film?" He asked me.

That could be taken as a loaded question. Did I have fun playing with Barbies? Well might as well go for broke. "Yeah, it was a great time. And, it certainly turned out well for us."

"How so?"

"Well Mattel, the company that makes Barbies, bought the film. They paid us each a large sum of money and promised us a share of profits if they ever show it publicly. It sounds like they’re at least going to pay for it to be entered into a film festival or two for us. So, if nothing else, we should have college paid for each of us." I told him.

"Wow that’s cool. So Brandon, the guys and I have been kind of wondering something." I casually stood up for a second to stretch and look around to see who else was around. "Why haven’t you been hanging out with us on this trip?"

Perhaps I could avoid the truth coming out for a little longer? "Well Amy and I have become really good friends this year. Really you never see us apart anymore, do you? It seems like I live at her house more than I live at mine." I paused for a second, "Her friends have become mine recently, so I just like to hang out with them. It’s nothing against you guys."

"Good, I didn’t really think it was." He paused for a second before lowering his voice, "Umm… Brandon… I’ve got a question besides that though… When they made us all hold hands earlier I noticed that you had both your ears pierced… I also noticed that you looked like you had on some of Amy’s clothes today?"

‘Oh Crap’

"Also, I didn’t think much of it the other day but when I saw Amy and your group I didn’t see you. I did see another girl with them. Is there something else going on? I mean I don’t have a problem if there is, I just was curious…"

"Umm…" I was at a loss for words all of the sudden. This was the first time that I had to tell a boy my age that I wasn’t really a boy — I was a girl… and to make it worse I didn’t really know if I could trust him or not.

"Look Brandon, I know I haven’t exactly gone out of my way to be your friend, but I haven’t been your enemy either. Did you hear about the time I beat Matt up last year?"

"I heard something about it." I replied. I did remember it. Last year in fifth grade Kyle had beaten Matt to a pulp one day. Matt had been so badly beaten he didn’t bother me for a solid month. At least that’s what I thought had happened. No one had seemed to know why the two had gotten into it.

"Well the reason I beat him up was because one day he started bragging to me about all the stuff he’d been doing to you. I was tired of him giving you all of that crap. He needed to be knocked down a few notches." He told me. But why was he telling me?

"Well thanks, I do appreciate it." I replied.

"So what’s going on with you? You can trust me — I won’t tell anyone else." He told me.

Nope, I wasn’t going to get away without telling him something. And if I’m telling him something it might as well be the truth right?

"You promise?" I asked.

"Yes, I promise."

"Well… I’ve had kind of an interesting last year. Last week a doctor diagnosed me as having a ‘gender-identity’ issue." I couldn’t say disorder that would make it sound like I was even more of a freak…

"What does that mean?" He asked me.

"Well it’s a really long story, but to make it a short one, basically my body doesn’t match up with my brain. On the inside of me I’m a girl — the only thing keeping me from being so is my body."

"That’s strange…" Thankfully he didn’t just jump up right then and scream ‘you freak.’

"It’s not something I picked or wanted, but it’s something that I am dealing with." I replied back.

"So does this mean that you’re going to be a girl at school next year?" he asked me. He was taking this far better than I expected.

"I hope so. That’s the plan at least." I replied back to him.

"Let me know if anyone gives you any trouble about it — I’ll take care of them." He told me in a way I knew he meant it.

"You’re… o… okay with this?" I asked him incredulously.

"Well the girls all seem to be fine with it. You’re a nice person, and I have little doubt that when you actually dress completely as a girl are going to be at least as cute as all the others. How are they going to keep you from becoming a guy with a deep voice and all of that?"

"Well…" I explained some more of what was ahead for me. Or at least what I hoped was ahead for me.

"So eventually you’ll be completely a girl?" He asked me.

"In every way except having kids." I replied back to him.

"Well that’s not a bad thing. That has got to hurt more than it would be worth!" he told me laughing a little.

I nodded. Inside I wasn’t as sure though. I might jump at the chance to have a baby of my own when I got older. Definitely not until I was much older! Unfortunately I knew it would probably never happen.

"So when are you going to tell everyone else?" He asked me.

"You think I need to?" I asked him. Strangely I did feel like I could trust him.

"Yeah, the rest of the guys are starting to ask questions — it’s only a matter of time before someone does something stupid. More than anything the pierced ears are going to push it over the edge for most of them in figuring it out." He told me.

"Do you think I can hold off till tomorrow?" I asked him.

"Yeah. I’m the only one who has seen your ears so far I think. Beyond that I don’t think it’ll hold off though." He told me.

About that time we were pulling up to the hotel. "Kyle thanks for not freaking out on me."

"No problem." I had started to get out of my seat, but he motioned for me to stop for a second. "I didn’t catch your new name though." He said.

"Tiffany, my name is Tiffany." I replied to him with a smile. He returned it and I went upstairs with my souvenirs from the day. When we got in the door Amy immediately started pestering me.

"What did Kyle want?" She asked me. Well at least that was the way you would interpret it.

I got her calmed down a bit and explained what had happened. "So you’re going to have to tell tomorrow?" She asked me.

"I don’t see any other way, do you?" I asked.

"No. I really don’t, we should talk with Ms. Fitz and the adults about this tonight." She told me.

"You’re right. I’ll go down and talk to them and my parents real quick." I told her about the time that the door opened and Amy’s parents, my parents, and indeed all of the adults.

"Well I guess I don’t need to go find you guys?" I asked.

"You were already going to come find us?" Ms. Fitz asked.

"Well yeah… I think my ‘secret’ is basically out of the bag." I told them. Kyle’s dad was in there too — I don’t think he knew yet.

My dad nodded, while my mom and Melanie exchanged looks that they already knew what I was going to say. ‘They must have already decided we couldn’t hide it any more too.’ I thought to myself.

"What’s going on?" Kyle’s dad asked.

"Umm…" I started to talk but Mr. Hancock took over here.

"I know Brandon’s not our kid, but may I break it to them?" He asked my parents. They seemed relieved about that. One thing my mom and dad had commented to me some time ago that I couldn’t have had a better person on my side than him. If I was ever to be able to return to my middle school as Tiffany instead of Brandon he would be the one to make it possible.

"Yes," my mom said simply.

Mr. Hancock motioned for them to sit down in the seating spots around the room. "Look, this has been kind of a difficult year for Brandon. He’s had a lot of events that have happened this year, and thankfully some of them have been good. Among probably the best events for both him, and Amy, have been their becoming best friends. The two of them have probably one of the strongest childhood friendships you could have."

I smiled at that and saw that Amy was doing the same.

"It’s a long story that really doesn’t matter — and it’s not really my story to tell — but over the course of the past few months everyone around Brandon had been noticing some changes. After a few events in recent months it became clear to my wife, my daughter, and Brandon’s mom that something was eating away at him. Everyone seemed to agree that it started about the time that Brandon started growing his hair out."

"At one point Amy innocently dragged Brandon into playing with her Barbies a few months ago. They tried to keep it from us so we wouldn’t find out, but my wife came home one day and found them playing with them. After that, if they weren’t working on their homework they always seemed to be doing something with her toys."

"From here things just slowly escalated till one day Amy dressed Brandon up in some of her clothes, and it came out that he really wanted to be Tiffany." The mushroom cloud from the bomb definitely hung in the air for Kyle’s parents and Lindsey’s Mom. I had forgotten she didn’t know. There weren’t any knee jerk reactions thankfully. I think a lot of that had to do with Mr. Hancock telling the story.

He continued on and explained the past couple weeks and how the psychiatrist had suggested that I come as Brandon still. Pieces were filled in on how that had ended up not really working out, and my parents finally gave in today to me getting my ears pierced.

Finally we came to a part the rest of them didn’t know. "I don’t know what happened earlier, but I have a feeling Kyle found out about you?" Kyle’s mom asked.

"He saw my earrings and asked me about some other stuff on the bus." I replied. "I was just getting ready to come find you guys to let you know I think I need to just tell the other four boys since everyone else knows already."

"Lindsey knows?" her mom asked.

"For a while, she was at the slumber party." I told her.

"She never told me." She said kind of talking off into space.

"All the girls that didn’t know have put together the pieces and asked me over the past couple days."

Mrs. Manning spoke up at this point. "I think we are going to have to tell them something tomorrow. I don’t think we have to do anything tonight, but we do need to take care of this before we leave for Magic Kingdom tomorrow." She announced.

"I think you’re right," Kyle’s mom said.

"My first question is will there be any problems from you all that we need to work out tonight?" Mr. Hancock asked. Have I mentioned how awesome he is? It’s not that my dad is a bad guy. But he just tends to lack the will to really be aggressive a lot of times.

"It’s weird, and I believe in all honesty religiously it’s wrong," Kyle’s dad started out, "but with all of the research that’s coming out I don’t really think that it’s hi… er… her fault. As long as she’s not trying to put our son into the same situation we don’t have a problem with it." He answered.

"If Lindsey’s known about this for a couple weeks and hasn’t said anything to me it means she’s okay with this. I’m not going to get in the way. Besides I do have to say Tiffany is a lot cuter."

"You should see the pictures from last week," my mom added with large amount of pride. I knew that they would get broken out later. I was pretty proud of those though so I didn’t mind.

"Well, how do you want to do this Tiffany?" Ms. Fitz asked.

"Well… why don’t we just have a gathering at breakfast tomorrow and I’ll tell all of the rest of them what’s going on. I don’t know if it’ll make it easier or not, but I want to come as Tiffany with my hair done like last week."

"I don’t think that can hurt." Amy’s mom added.

"I’ll come over and help you," My mom said. "For now I guess we all need to head back to our rooms and go to bed. Tomorrow will take care of itself."

They all started leaving the room and Amy and I dug through what clothing I had left, that was clean, to pick out an outfit for tomorrow. Her parents pushed us to bed sooner than we liked, and told us to be quiet more than once as the two of us talked about what we thought might happen tomorrow.

When we went to sleep we were hugging our stuffed animals, thinking about the next day. I woke up the next morning and found that I had somehow become a replacement for her teddy bear. She had her arm tight around me just like I had my teddy bear. Actually I woke to a camera flash taking a picture of us like that.
 
 
Chapter 28
 
 

"MOM! WHAT ARE you doing?" Amy asked sleepily, still holding onto me like a giant teddy bear.

It was then that we both realized what was going on and starting giggling. It really was innocent; neither of us was capable of thinking of the other in any way other than as sisters at this point. But that picture turned out to be something that her parents — and later mine — would razz us about for a long time.

They didn’t have a lot of time that morning though, because as soon as I was awake I was hurried into the shower to wash my hair. They had woken me a good hour earlier than I had any other day on this trip. I wasn’t exactly real personable that morning at first, but when Mom came over and started working on my hair it started to make me smile.

Between Mom, Melanie, and Amy my hair was really pretty when it was done. We still had a half-hour before we needed to go downstairs so we made Amy’s hair look like mine too. Between the hair and the clothes we were wearing we were sure everyone would assume we were sisters. That made me even happier, since that’s what Amy was to me — a sister. All four of us shared quick hugs before heading downstairs to breakfast.

We had timed it so that everyone else would already be downstairs, and gathered around in a circle before I came down. As we came and joined the circle I saw every guy — even Kyle — drop their jaws in astonishment. Only one of the faces looked at me as though I was a monster from outer space — that was Jarred — the rest were just shocked.

"Hi guys," I said.

"Umm… Brandon?" David asked.

"Actually that’s why everyone is supposed to be gathered right now. I need to tell you all something."

I paused for a second.

"I’m not going to be Brandon anymore — my name is Tiffany now." I told them. Maybe that wasn’t the best way to break it… but I didn’t come up with anything else at that moment.

"Huh?" David asked again.

"Look, over the past few months I’ve discovered some things about myself. I’ve talked to my friends, my parents, and even a specialist. The gist of it is that my mind is that of a girl, even though my body is that of a boy. My doctor has suggested that it would be better for me to live life as Tiffany than it would as Brandon. It’s a much longer tale — and is a lot more difficult than I’m making it sound, but eventually I will have a body that matches that of a girl." All of that came stammering out of my mouth. I was beyond nervous.

From there the questions flew about me. I answered a lot of them, but my parents and the other adults fielded a lot of them too. The only guy who seemed to have problems with it was Jarred. The rest for whatever reason actually seemed cool with it. None of them seemed to think that I was contagious — definitely a good start.

When we seemed to have run out of questions we went ahead and got breakfast. Amy and I ended up sitting with Kyle and David. They actually made for two fairly cool people to talk to. I honestly wasn’t completely sure what their reason was for sitting with us, but I was happy to see that things weren’t going south. Every now and then I noticed Jarred staring at me strangely — I was kind of worried about him.

After breakfast we boarded the bus. Lindsey said, "Your hair is really pretty today, Tiffany."

"Thanks."

"Do you feel better now that you’re not hiding the truth anymore?" She asked me.

"Yes, a lot better. I’m sure this is going to cause a lot of trouble going into next year though. Ten to one, by this time next week the school will already be talking about ‘that freak’ that thinks he’s a girl. Oh well though, they’re just going to have to deal." I said the last bit with a bit of a bob of my head that made my hair bounce. Lindsey giggled a bit.

"What?" I asked.

"You just bobbed your head up and down like one of the high school dance team girls — it was cute." She replied.

Amy had noticed this too and she said, "Tiffany you should try out for cheerleading this year!" She had a huge smile on her face.

"Umm… first of all I would kill myself, but second haven’t you all already had tryouts for the team?"

"For the fall football games yes, but we’ll actually have a separate set of tryouts in October to recheck everyone and for new girls. I think you qualify as a ‘new girl.’" Amy answered.

"Umm… You still haven’t answered the killing myself part of this." I told her.

"Well, you’re really not as clumsy as you make everyone think you are. Plus my parents were planning on sending me to this cheer camp next month to get ready to go for the school’s camp. I bet we could get you into that camp still if you want to try." She told me.

"You really should Tiffany, it would be great to have you on the squad," Lindsey told me.

"There are a thousand insane things that will probably go wrong with this plan, but I won’t say no, okay?" I temporized. Being a cheerleader would be a dream come true… but it was probably just that, a dream.

I managed to steer them onto other topics from there, but I had a feeling that this would not be the last I would hear about it. Not that I wanted it to be! Our bus driver drove us back towards Disney World, and this time we entered Magic Kingdom. Today was going to be a less structured day for all of us.

We were all supposed to still remain in a group with at least one adult, but other than that our only guideline was that we had to meet up at the buses at 8:30pm.

Our group was a bit different today. Amy and I were of course in it — just try to separate us! Lindsey and Ashley also joined. But we also added in Kyle and David today too. My parents and Amy’s parents stuck with us, while the others split up between everyone else.

We began by immediately heading for Space Mountain to start off our day. Amy and I both agreed that it was a better ride than the version in Disneyland. The day just flew by as we moved from one spot in the park to the next. We took a very quick break for lunch and were soon on the move again.

All along the way the six of us became a closer group than I expected. Kyle and David seemed to be dealing with me being Tiffany very well. I honestly was really surprised that I wasn’t having tons of problems now.

At some point in the afternoon we ended up on Main Street shopping for souvenirs. Now that I was ‘out’ Mom bought Amy and me a set of Minnie Mouse ears and made us wear them in the pictures for the rest of the day. Every so often Kyle and David would give us a hard time about them. Amy kept threatening to get them their own set of Minnie Mouse ears if they didn’t stop… that seemed to stop the comments. I wished it hadn’t though… that would have made for some great pictures!

My parents had certainly been taking their share of pictures this trip, but they seemed to renew their fury with this after we got the ears. Time went on and it got kind of hot, by around five or so we were all absolutely drenched in sweat. Kyle and David dragged us all over to splash mountain — which we hadn’t hit for some reason — in the hopes that we could cool down a bit.

Amy and I wore our ears on the ride so that we’d end up with them in that picture. Mom took some bobby pins she had in her purse and secured them a little bit better to our hair (it hurt!) before we went on the ride. It was a ‘splash!’ When we got the picture I was really proud that I had managed to put my hands up in the air for the picture and smile. It looked exactly like something that Disney would have advertised with.

Of course right after the camera flash I immediately grabbed for the bar and screamed! I was a girl after all! But at least the picture came out really good!

From there we hit various rides we had missed for one reason or another. At about 7:15 we got in line for the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. It had a really long line, but we figured we would have just enough time to ride it before we needed to head back to the bus.

As we stood in the line, the six of us kids just chatted back and forth. Pretty soon Kyle asked me, "So are you happier now?"

I nodded. "Yes. I’ve been tired of hiding this for so long. Now I just have to deal with the fallout from everything."

"Well next year let me know if anyone gives you any problems, I’ll take care of them for you." Kyle told me. There was something in his eyes that told me he meant what he said.

What was going on? Why in the heck did he say that? I decided I had to ask. "Umm… Kyle why are you being so cool about this?"

"Well… I don’t honestly know. I think part of it is I’ve gotten tired of seeing people put down so often in our school — I think you deserve a lot better treatment than you’ve gotten." He paused for a second, "Part of it is also that you’ve got a lot of guts to push through with this — I respect that a lot." There was another pause during which I was tempted to speak but held off.

"And finally I think it’s going to be a lot of fun to throw people off their feet with this. Yeah, they’re going to hear about ‘Brandon’s some freak now and is going to wear dresses to school,’ this summer. The look on their faces when they try to figure out where Brandon is — it surely can’t be that new girl — is going to be hilarious." He ended with a gigantic grin.

"Really?" I asked.

"Were you looking at everyone’s faces this morning?" He asked me.

I shook my head, "No I was too nervous."

"It was priceless, honestly the guys sort of recognized you… but not really. Especially the way you had your hair done and were dressed. They had the advantage of having seen you these past few days and still didn’t recognize you real easily. I had already learned about what was going on from you last night so I was just kind of watching everyone."

About that time David moved over to our side of the conversation from the other one. "Yeah, I didn’t recognize you at all," he said to me.

"And you’re okay with this too?" I asked. I was really not trying to sound incredulous, but I did expect to have a bomb go off over my head at any time. This was all going far too smoothly.

"It’s weird. But you’ve always been a little weird. Now I can just chalk it up to the fact that you’re a girl, and girls are weird. No big deal. I’m with Kyle, if anyone gives you any trouble this fall at school let me know. I think we can make this a lot of fun for the whole group that came on this trip."

Amy, Lindsey, and Ashley had all been acting like they were talking in another conversation while the three of us had been talking. I say ‘acting’ because I could tell that they were managing to listen in on us while we were talking and then joined up with our conversation now.

We all talked about lots of stuff, including maybe the six of us getting together for a pool party at Amy’s house in a couple weeks. Just as we were finalizing some plans we reached the ride and got to experience all that there was to experience about the Pirates of the Caribbean. The amount of animatronics they used in the ride was cool. It honestly wasn’t anything too incredibly spectacular, but it was fun.

We all got off the ride and walked out to the bus that was waiting for us. On the way out of the park we took one last picture of the six of us, then the six of us plus Amy and my parents, and then we reluctantly left the Disney Park. Tomorrow was our last day here in Florida, but we wouldn’t be coming back to the Disney Parks.

It had been a blast, and truly the ‘trip of a lifetime.’ When they had said that at the beginning of the year I had no idea just how much it would really ring true. My life was definitely not going to be the same after today. I had officially become Tiffany in my group’s eyes.

All of this was going through my head as we pulled into the hotel and headed for our rooms. Before we went up though I saw Ashley talking to everyone behind me, before she rushed up to me. "Tiffany hold up a second!" She exclaimed.

I turned around to her, "What’s up?" I asked her.

"We talked Ms. Fitz and Mrs. Manning into letting us get together downstairs with just the students for thirty minutes. Everyone’s going to get into their pajamas and then meet downstairs okay?" She asked me.

"Okay, why?" I asked back.

"It’s a surprise." She told me.

"Alright," I replied hesitantly before going on upstairs to change. What was going on?

I went upstairs with Amy right behind me and changed into my pajamas. We headed back downstairs shortly thereafter and found everyone else there. Somewhere popcorn appeared along with some cokes and it turned into a pretty fun little gathering of all of us.

We all kind of just hung out for about twenty minutes before Ashley said, "Okay, can I get everyone’s attention?"

Everyone was slow to look over at her but eventually she had everyone’s attention. "Look, we’ve all had a pretty cool week this week right?"

"Yeah," David and Jake exclaimed fairly solidly. We all gave our agreement.

"Look today we had some pretty surprising news that was delivered to the boys. All of the girls already knew about Tiffany by then, but we had kept it from the boys. I hope you aren’t upset by that, but everyone was worried about what might happen when the truth came out." Ashley said.

"It’s okay," David said.

"We do understand why you didn’t tell any of us," Anthony added.

"Good, because that’s why Ashley and I wanted to get everyone together tonight," Kyle said standing up.

"Look, I know that some people are not exactly going to stand up and be Tiffany’s cheer squad," he said looking at Jarred, "but I think we all owe it to her not to tell anyone about what’s gone on with her on this trip to anyone else."

"What do you want from us?" Jarred asked. "People are going to find out about ‘it’ no matter what you do." He was very irritated.

"Yes people are going to find out about her, but not until the first day of school when she walks into class." David replied catching on at about the same speed I was. They were trying to keep it from becoming a huge wave of outrage going into the new school year. I didn’t see any way that could actually work though.

"You can keep this a secret, right?" David looked at Jarred with a very sinister glance. You have to understand something I haven’t made real clear here. David was already three inches taller than any other guy in our grade. He was also easily the strongest guy that I knew too. Jarred on the other hand was only about average, if not a little small for average, and looked rightfully nervous.

"Umm… yeah I guess…" He stammered in reply.

"Good, we’ll talk more about this later then." He added.

"So can we all make a promise that no one will tell anyone not on this trip — including parents that don’t know — until we get back to school?" Ashley asked. Everyone assented with real smiles on their faces — excepting Jarred’s scowl. From there she made everyone do something that was really strange, but okay whatever, and grab pinkies of everyone next to each other and repeat a vow not to tell.

We spent our remaining five minutes or so laughing and having a good time talking about things that had happened on the trip. It was a lot of fun, and everyone seemed to enjoy it. As Ms. Fitz came downstairs to send us off to our rooms I saw Kyle, David, and Anthony gather around Jarred.

I didn’t know what they were talking about — but I sensed it might have been some sort of threat. I wasn’t going to pay any more attention than that, I didn’t want to.

When I got to our room I found that the parents had been having a meeting of their own in our room. Mom stuck around for a bit to talk with me before heading back to their room. Before long I was in bed and falling asleep.
 
 
Coda:
 
 

The next morning was pretty frenetic. We had to pack up all of our suitcases and souvenirs, because we were leaving directly from Universal Studios Park. We quickly ate breakfast and headed for our final destination.

Once we were at the park we were again met by a park representative that sped us around all of the lines. I would really hate to have been one of the people that were stuck in line for an hour or more at times while we just got put in the front of the line…. Yeah, we definitely were getting special treatment. No complaints here though!

Among the first rides we went on was ‘Jaws.’ Between the gigantic shark attacking the boat, and things exploding everywhere, we had a lot of fun. I definitely got more experience screaming as a girl on that ride — more because I was having fun than anything.

From there we moved on to an Alfred Hitchcock attraction. We all got to see how they made special effects come to life in his films. It was really neat actually, and after we’d learned about that kind of stuff we watched clips of some of his movies in a theater there. The biggest thing there was it was in 3D. Watching birds flying through the air towards you is definitely not the most comfortable event!

We had fun though and moved on to a couple of other things like a Flintstones ride and finally ended up at a ‘Double Dare’ game show. Kyle got chosen out of our group to go and play. We got to watch him do some pretty messy and stupid things — it was a blast. We made sure that our parents got plenty of pictures of it. I was really jealous that I didn’t get to play myself though.

Our group separated from the tour guide at lunch. Eating lunch soon led to more souvenir shopping, a couple other small attractions, and finally back to the bus to go to the airport. The last day seemed to have lasted absolutely no time at all.

In no time it seemed we were back on a plane to go back home. I had gotten a window seat this time, with Amy in the middle, and Kyle on the end of our three chair section. I wasn’t really paying much attention to either of them though. Instead I just stared out the window thinking.

Over the past year everything in my world had gotten turned upside down, and gotten shaken about quite a bit. If you would have told me at the beginning of the year that I would now be going by Tiffany I never would have believed you. The sheer fact that I sat in a pair of girls shorts, a top, shoulder length hair, and pierced ears right now, would have made me scratch my head.

But, I was happier, a lot happier. I had an incredibly cool and close friendship with Amy, and a growing friendship with many other kids that I had never had before. That friendship with Amy had already led to more incredible experiences so far than I ever would have expected. Her parents had mentioned to mine about the cheer camp, and they were considering sending me. Me, a cheerleader? Maybe, who knows?

I still had a lot of things in front of me that weren’t going to be so easy though. I knew without a doubt that I was going to be struggling from day one in school this fall. If I thought I’d been getting picked on before, I feared it was just going to be the tip of the iceberg. The comments, threats, and physical violence I imagined I would face were more than enough to send chills down my spine. Thankfully I had plenty of friends that should be able to help with that. We would see.

I was truly amazed that I was having as few difficulties right now as I was. The fact that no one had tried to beat me up, or even said something awful to me since I came out yesterday still had me shocked. I knew it couldn’t last forever. Who would have ever thought that my life would take me down this road? Certainly not me.

What I knew more than anything was that I had no choice but to stand up to the hard road before me, walking down it step by step. Alone I could never do it, but with a friend like the one next to me how could I not? That thought brought a little smile to my face. I knew I could make the journey if others would only let me.

I stared out that window the whole time we were up in the air as though it symbolized everything in my life, ‘up in the air.’ Eventually I drifted off to a light sleep letting all of my thoughts and concerns fade away.

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Finis Book 1

Look for the continuing story of Tiffany and her friends in Daring to Hope, book two of the Standing Up to Life trilogy, available soon here and at Lulu.com! If you enjoyed this please consider purchasing it to support my writing! (www.lulu.com/tiffanyshar/)

Thanks for reading! ~ Tiffany Shar

 
Synopsis

In many ways Tiffany is the newest girl in her small community near Albuquerque, New Mexico. In the whirlwind of the last few weeks she has emerged from the shell of a scared and confused little boy named Brandon. Ever since Tiffany's parents confirmed with her their suspicions of her deepest wants and needs, they've supported her completely. With solid support from her family, her best friend and family and surprisingly, her growing circle of other friends it seems she might have a chance for a successful future.

'Can all this last?' is one of the biggest questions on her mind now. 'Will everyone stick with me when things get tough?' She's had an amazingly easy last couple weeks and she knows it won't last. What will happen when she returns to school? And most importantly, what will her psychiatrist decide? Will her doctor force her to return to living the lie as Brandon? These fears and more whirl in her mind as she looks to an uncertain future.

Daring to Hope is the continuing story of a bright, talented, and beautiful girl, who dares to hope for a future that is one based on happy dreams.

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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

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The Legal Stuff: Daring to Hope  © 2008 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2008 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
 
Last month I finally got around to publishing the first book of this trilogy, Standing Up to Life here at BigCloset. I had been delayed in publishing it there while trying to get it also published by Lulu.com. Well it’s taken me a bit longer on this book to get it up here as well, but here it is!

Like the first book I posted here, I am posting a standard copy of this here at BigCloset, and announcing that I have two versions available for purchasing through My Store at Lulu.com. Back by popular demand is the ebook download of the book. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be most interested in this edition of the book. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it from my store($3.00 for the ebook). I also have a hardback edition that is available, and will work on making a paperback edition available as well here in the coming weeks. With both the paperback and hardback editions I hope to have them available through Amazon.com in a couple months as well, and will offer to have Erin sell it through her Amazon page at that time.

Thank you to all of you, my amazing readers! Your comments have kept me going through some times when I thought I would never be able to write or edit another minute! Speaking of editing, thanks to my amazing editor, Carla Ann, for helping me out with this large work. Now that this project is coming to a close I hope to be able to focus solely on Book 3, and have that ready for you all this summer. Since it is the concluding book of the series I wish to be sure that it’s done right. Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy this book!

     -Tiffany Shar

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Prelude
 
 
I TRIED WIPING the sleep out of my eyes as we walked through the airport terminal to the baggage claim. We had just gotten in from Orlando via Houston, and I was exhausted. Amy, my best friend, was walking beside me as we stepped on an escalator to go downstairs.

“That was so much fun Tiffany,” she said to me.

“Yeah, it really was Amy. I can’t believe it’s already over — I mean we looked forward to it for so long.”

“-and now it’s done.” She added finishing my thought. “Well we’ll have to find something else to look forward to this year.”

“Yeah, I just don’t know what.” I replied. The next few months for me were going to present nothing but fear and anxiety. This trip had gone really well for me — even with the news to the other kids that I was no longer going by Brandon anymore… but I knew that anytime you start to soar into the air you usually realize that you forgot a parachute. Without that parachute you usually hit the ground really hard!

“Well we can start with having a blast this summer together!” She said with a smile trying to cheer me up. That did bring a grin to my face finally, I’m kind of grouchy when I’ve been asleep or need to sleep.

“Yes, there’s definitely that!” I said with a giggle.

“We’re going to have a great time the rest of this summer Tiff, just wait and see.” With that we were at the baggage claim.

After sitting there for what seemed forever the buzzer rang and bags began coming up the conveyor belt. That was my second experience at trying to catch a bag — it was a lot harder this time than when we left as my bag had become considerably heavier from souvenirs. I heaved it off the belt and carried it over to a luggage cart we rented from the airport.

Amy grabbed me before we started heading off though, “Let’s say goodbye to everyone — we may not see some of them again until after the summer!”

As a guy I never would have thought of that before — but she was right and I did want to at least say bye to the girls. Before I knew it all of the girls were exchanging hugs with each other and saying things like ‘call me.’ We also gave hugs to all of the adult chaperones, especially Ms. Fitz and Mrs. Manning.

Then the awkward moment came. All of the girls began hugging Kyle and David, who had stuck around. I wasn’t sure how they were going to react to being hugged by me.

I was standing right next to Kyle though and he asked me, “Aren’t you going to give us a hug too?” he reached over and put his arm around my shoulder. Just a quick friendly hug, but it left me feeling kind of strange… not in a bad way… but strange. I ended up hugging David too and we all broke up and went our separate ways.

I had a feeling that I would be thinking about that for a while… I wasn’t really sure how I felt about it — but at least it seemed that Kyle was considering me enough of a girl to feel okay with the hug. I gave Amy and her parents hugs goodbye at our cars, before sitting in the back of our car and buckling my seat belt. I put my backpack on the seat next to me and closed my eyes.

The next thing I knew I was being prodded, “Tiffany, wake up sweetie, it’s time to go inside and go to bed.” I woke up enough to make it into my room, change into a comfy set of pink pajamas from the photo shoot that Mrs. Hancock had paid for, and laid down on my bed.

As I went to sleep I couldn’t believe that the trip was over already.
 
 
Chapter 1
 
 
I WOKE UP to the sun shining too brightly in my room — didn’t it know I was trying to sleep!?! Stupid sun! I just kind of lay on the bed for a few minutes doing nothing but relaxing, before I suddenly became excited enough to wake up.

I could actually wear a skirt today!!!

I had just been given a preliminary diagnosis of a gender identity disorder three days before we had left for Orlando on the school trip. My parents, the psychiatrist, our teachers, and Amy’s parents (my other parents as I tended to think of them) had all decided it would be a bad idea for Tiffany to go on the trip though. Long story short, we tried having Brandon on the trip, but things became really awkward as people stared at the ‘girl’ going in the men’s rooms. After everything that had happened with my parents finding out about me, the walls had crashed down, and I could no longer portray myself as Brandon. By the last two days of the trip the ‘cat came out of the bag’ and I was finally able to spend two wonderful days as Tiffany.

However, I didn’t have a single skirt or dress to wear then. Today I would make up for as much of that last time as I could!

As I jumped up and looked in my closet I started searching through what I had. Before I knew it I had a long pink skirt with flowers on it in one hand, and a top to match in my other hand. I grabbed some panties that had lace around the openings, some other things, and flung my door open to go use the shower.

“Mom, are you guys done with the water so I can take a shower?” I asked loudly down the hall towards the kitchen.

“Yes sweetie. Go ahead.” My mom answered back. We didn’t live in a bad house, but it was old enough that the plumbing was not well planned. If anyone was taking a shower, and someone else used water elsewhere, the person in the shower would get a rude surprise. So my family was pretty good about communicating who was using the water at what times.

With that news I bounded into the bathroom. I got out of my pajamas and turned on the hot shower water. I used some shampoo and conditioner on my hair — really washing it out good. After I felt my body and hair were nice and clean, with the water growing cold, I dried my body off and wrapped a towel around myself.

As I looked in the mirror at the wet tangles of hair falling from my head I thought for a second about calling mom and asking her to do my hair… but I decided I wanted to do it all by myself. Pretty soon the blow dryer was screaming away, hot curling irons moved through my hair, and when I was done I looked in the mirror and liked what I could see.

I had it curled under at the bottom as I had been shown by the salon the previous week. I turned my head this way and that in front of the mirror satisfied with what I saw. Mom had brought my toiletry case into the bathroom for me this morning and I began digging around in it for a few things. I was really just looking for my toothbrush at first, but then saw the stuff for my ears and remembered, ‘oh yeah,’ and disinfected my freshly pierced ears.

I slid on the pair of panties, which were far fancier than anything I had taken on the trip, enjoying the feel of them. Then I put everything else together, adjusting the skirt and top to be just right. I really liked the way it made me look, and after twirling about a few times in the full length mirror on the door I stepped out into the hall.

Mom was running a load of laundry in the laundry room and looked at me and asked, “So did you take long enough to get ready in there? I thought you were never going to finish!” She had a smile on her face which I knew meant she was kidding.

“Would you like me to take more time?” I asked.

“No, you definitely don’t need to waste any more time in the bathroom!” She said assertively.

“But don’t I look pretty?” I asked her. I batted my eyelashes as I said that.

“Yes you do sweetie, but there’s a fine line between pretty and hogging the bathroom. And don’t bat those eyelashes at me.” She sighed. “At least you’re finally getting a chance to put them to good use. People have commented on those long lashes since you were little — at least as my daughter you’ll get to enjoy them more.”

She paused and the finger came back out, “But not at me!” she smiled and gave me a hug at that point.

I was smiling too as we walked down the hallway to the kitchen. It was at that point that I finally looked at a clock and saw that it was already 12:30 in the afternoon! Whoa. Mom made some cheese crisps for lunch (tortillas crisped in butter on a skillet with cheese melted on the top). I ate quietly while looking through some ads we had missed. I was so happy to be in a skirt today! It felt so much nicer than having to pretend to be Brandon like I’d had to through the majority of the trip.

Mom interrupted my thoughts, “So Tiffany once you finish that do you want to go run to Wal-Mart with me and get these pictures developed?”

“Sure!” I replied to her just before I put in the last bit of food into my mouth. I washed it down with water, threw the paper plate away, and ran down the hall to my room to grab some flip-flops to wear. I also grabbed some rolls of film that were sitting in my fanny pack from my camera. By the time I walked back out the living room Mom was standing there with a big Ziploc of film to get developed.

She handed me the bag as we walked out to the car. As I sat down and buckled my seatbelt, I added my film to the bag and started counting the rolls that were in the bag. I couldn’t believe it, there were twenty-four separate rolls of film in there! That was going to be expensive to process.

As we drove down the roads to our local Wal-Mart I messed with the radio until I had the local oldies station on. I don’t know why, but I really loved music from the 50’s and 60’s. Mom approved of the station and we pulled into the parking lot with a great Beach Boys song playing.

We walked into Wal-Mart and went to their film developing section where we surprised to see they weren’t busier. Mom pulled out twenty-four separate film envelopes, and we each started writing away on the information. On all of the rolls we ordered duplicates. That kind of surprised me as that was only going to make it more expensive. Fourteen minutes later we finally handed the stack of envelopes to the technician behind the counter.

“How long do you think it’ll take to get these done?” My mom asked her.

“Well, we’re really dead right now for some reason, so I wouldn’t be surprised if we have them done in an hour-and-a-half. Be safe and call it two hours and we should be done.” The girl answered.

“Okay, thanks.” My mom told her and we walked off.

“Well what now Mommy?” I asked her. She smiled, as I knew she would, I hadn’t called her ‘mommy’ since I was like four or five as Brandon. I had done it a few times in the past couple weeks and every time it was like flipping a switch to turn on the smile.

“Well why don’t we go home and you can help me with some laundry. Then we’ll go rent a video or two for tonight before we come back here?” She suggested.

“Okay,” I replied with a smile on my face. I was a bit hyper today and I think she knew it. It was probably a good thing that Amy wasn’t with me right then — the two of us would probably be feeding off of each other and making her go nuts.

We headed for the car with me skipping ahead a bit from her. I of course made it to the car long before her and turned around to see her just shaking her head at me. We made it home and I found myself being licked to death by our dog — Dad must have gone to pick her up from my grandparents. She was more than a little excited to see us — and I found myself doing the best I could to deal with her and my skirt.

Finally she calmed down, and Mom put me to work helping her with the loads and loads and loads of laundry we accumulated on the trip. Really at this point all we did was begin folding the underwear and socks from the trip that were done already. After that though, I helped her get the other stuff in the washer for the next load. Mom guessed that it was going to take a good eight loads to get through everything.

As Brandon I had never ever helped out with any of this stuff. I guess I was going to find out that girls were supposed to do some of this at least? Hrmm… Thankfully we headed back out after we got that load sorted out and went to Blockbuster to rent some movies.

Mom didn’t look like she was going to be real thrilled with it, but we got Jurassic Park — a lot of my friends had talked about it, but I hadn’t seen it yet. I also grabbed Lion King since she hadn’t seen that one yet and I knew she would enjoy it. She grabbed something else that sounded good to her and we left the store to pick up our pictures.

After picking up and paying for all twenty-four rolls of film we went out to the car and climbed in. “Tiffany, you look pretty, you’re behaving just like a girl should, but I’m afraid there is something we’re going to have to really work on this summer before you go back to school.” Mom told me as we drove away.

My stomach fluttered a lot right then, had I done something in Wal-Mart that would have given me away? “What?” I asked.

“Your handwriting — as I was looking at the envelopes that you filled out it occurred to me. It’s not that girls all have pretty handwriting, I certainly don’t, but your handwriting is definitely not like a girl’s should be.” She told me.

“Umm… is there anything I can do about it at this point?” I asked. Realistically I was probably stuck in my poor style at this point right?

“Well maybe I can get some handwriting books like when you were a kid and see if we can’t unlearn some of those bad habits.” She said to me.

“It couldn’t hurt I guess.” I replied.

“I’ll try and find some at a bookstore this week.”

“Okay, though I don’t know how much I’ll be able to fix it — I’ll definitely try.” I replied to her. Through the rest of the ride home I just kind of rode silently thinking about stuff. How many other things would come back to hurt me with this change?

TWENTY MINUTES LATER we pulled into our driveway and headed inside. Mom and I cleaned off our kitchen table and started going through the pictures we had taken. It took us the better part of an hour to go through all of the rolls. I put all of the pictures I liked in the front of each packet — that way it would be a lot easier to do something with them later.

We spent a lot of time saying, ‘hey look at this one’ and such. As I looked at the pictures I noticed that it seemed like my smile looked more genuine on the last two days of the trip, when I had been able to be Tiffany. I have to admit it may have just been my perception of the photographs though — I liked myself more as Tiffany.

Dad came in to the kitchen, as we were finishing up, and started going through the pictures himself. As I stood up to get a glass of water the phone rang.

I ran to beat Mom to it, answering, “Hello?”

“Tiffany? This is Amy.”

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Mom and I were wondering if you wanted to come over and work on our scrapbooks tomorrow?”

“Sure Amy, we just got all of our pictures developed too so that would be really cool. Have you gotten yours yet?” I asked.

“A couple hours ago, Mom got some really cute ones of you the other day!” She told me.

“We’ve got quite a few of you too — as well as a bunch of us together. My mom had duplicates made so I’ll be able to give you a copy of ones you want.”

“My mom did too. I think she has a few she’s going to go and get blown up tonight.”

“Cool…” I replied as we continued talking. We talked for 30 minutes before I had another caller beep in and I had to let her go.

It was my grandparents. “How was your trip?” My grandmother asked me.

“It was great! I had an absolute blast on the trip. You’ll have to see the pictures that we just got developed.” I replied.

“Well good sweetie, I’m glad you enjoyed your trip. So when are you going to come out to our place this summer?” My grandfather asked me.

“I don’t know, we’ll have to see what things are going to come up this summer. We’ll try and let you know by the end of the week maybe?” I suggested.

“That sounds fine sweetheart,” my grandmother told me.

We chatted for a couple more minutes before I handed them off to my Dad. I wondered why they had bothered calling since Dad had seen them this morning when he picked up our dog. I didn’t dwell on it long and instead got roped into helping with laundry again with Mom.

Once we finished I got to thinking about my scrapbook that I had started with Amy the week before we left. I had gotten through about half of the stuff I already had, and now I had like ten times what we had before this trip. I was certainly going to be very busy working on the book tomorrow.

It was at that point I remembered to tell Mom that she was invited too. She said she’d love to come and told me that I’d have to let her do some pages too.

I had to go to the bathroom at the end of the conversation, and as I washed my hands and looked into the mirror I realized there was something I really needed to take care of — new glasses. I hadn’t been wearing them as Tiffany much. I really hated them. In fact I only wore them when I had to see something clearly like the pictures earlier. I walked out to the kitchen where Mom and Dad were talking.

“Mommy, Daddy?” I decided this form of their names might get me farther.

“Yes?” Mom asked.

“I was wondering… Could I get contacts instead of glasses? I look so much better without glasses on — especially Brandon’s glasses — it would be really nice to not have to wear them next year to school.” I asked and prodded as sweetly and delicately as I could.

“I don’t know. Would you take care of them?” My mom asked me.

“Absolutely, I’ll do almost anything to not have to wear glasses anymore!” I replied, even if I wasn’t going to take care of them I wasn’t about to tell them otherwise. Of course I would do my best though.

“Well Tiffany is going to need to do something different, those glasses definitely don’t go with her face now,” Dad said to my mom.

“And it can’t be good for her all of the times she’s not been wearing them either…” Mom replied softly. “I’m okay with it, can we afford it?” She asked Dad.

“If we take it out of the earnings from the project they did we can,” he replied. “I don’t want to spend too much more out of that though Tiff, I’d really like to see us put most of that away for you for college… And I figure it might be able to help out down the road with some of the medical expenses that you could have,” he told me.

“Thanks Daddy!” I replied with a big smile and gave him a hug. “You too Mommy,” I said as I went over to her and did the same.

“You know I hate to add fuel to the fire here,” my mom started off, “but unfortunately her use of Mommy and Daddy is working just like she thinks it is.” She said to Dad in front of me.

Of course at that point I blushed and said indignantly, “I would never do anything like that.” Go ahead and paint that halo in my portrait above my head…. Just cause it’s held up with two horns doesn’t mean anything right? Right!

“Right.” Dad said sarcastically.

Just then the buzzer on the dryer went off and I ended up helping with another in the seemingly endless sea of laundry that we were dealing with. The day passed much like that up through a dinner of grilled cheese and soup.

After dinner I asked my parents, “So movies now?”

“Sure, but let me go to the bathroom first.” My dad said. I of course knew that I had merely started the long fifteen minute process of him getting ready to watch a movie — but hey, the process was started right?

In the meantime I decided to go to my room and put some pajamas on so I could be more comfortable while watching the movies. I picked out a long cotton sleep shirt and changed into it quickly. I hadn’t worn it yet and I was curious what it would feel like to sleep in.

When I returned I put in Jurassic Park first and told Mom we’d watch Lion King second. I had to get up almost immediately and return to my room for a blanket though. I know you’re saying, ‘it’s the middle of June in New Mexico, what’s wrong with you?’ You have no idea how much my mom loves her air conditioning. It might have been warmer in the Arctic!

I wrapped myself in my blanket and curled up on the couch. Dad and Mom came in just as the previews finished and the actual movie began. Although I grimaced at the stupidity of the actions of the characters, I enjoyed the movie. I especially grew attached to the character of the young girl. I definitely screeched and screamed a lot as the movie startled me several times!

When we finished the movie we all took a quick (or not so quick in my dad’s case) restroom break and started Lion King. He sat down on the couch beside me and I found myself cuddling up next to him. I honestly don’t remember ever doing that before. I guess I probably had when I was really little, but not in recent memory. Looking back on it the next day I would think about how warm and safe it had felt like that.

I must have fallen asleep sometime before the final battle, because the next thing I knew I was being carried by Dad into my bedroom. Mom pulled down the covers on my bed and he placed me on it. She pulled the covers up to my neck and both of them kissed me goodnight. I must have been tired because I only vaguely recollected it the next day. It was another item on this list of ‘first in a long time for.’ That night I slept feeling really secure and safe. I was afraid though that it couldn’t last forever.
 
 
Chapter 2
 
 
MOM WOKE ME up the next morning to get ready to go over to Amy’s. She pretty much had to prod me all the way through getting dressed and I lazily let her do my hair for me. Of course her payment for that was putting my hair in pigtails with some ribbon she had left over from the trip — she liked seeing me like that. I half-heartedly whined about looking like I was five, but I didn’t really mind.

By the time she had put some cereal in front of me to eat I was half-way conscious. I’m fairly certain all of the stress and exhaustion from the trip had just reared its ugly head that previous night and today. As soon as I realized that today was going to be a fun day with Amy though I snapped out of it.

Before long I was the one pulling Mom out of the house while holding a box containing the pictures from the trip.

As soon as Mom had parked the car at Amy’s house I bounced up the steps and rang the doorbell. “Tiffany!” Amy exclaimed as she flew open the door. “You have got to see these pictures!!!” She dragged me into the dining room where they had their pictures on the table.

“You have to see ours too!” I told her as we sat down. At that point we both had a free-for-all going with each others pictures. From pointing out each other doing stupid stuff, each other looking cute, making fun of various poses of other people, and just having fun. We killed the better part of an hour without even realizing it.

“Are you two done talking at a million-miles-an-hour?” Melanie (Amy’s mom) asked us.

“Umm… Maybe?” I answered sweetly.

“Possibly?” Amy added.

“Don’t count on it,” my mom said with a chuckle. “Can we see the photos now girls?” she then asked.

“Sure,” Amy said pushing hers over to Mom. I pushed ours over to Melanie, and Amy said, “Come on Tiff, let’s grab the scrapbook stuff — mom put it upstairs in the playroom.”

“Okay,” I replied as I tried following her as she ran up the stairs. The two of us grabbed our scrapbooks that we had started before we left, and each grabbed a container of scrapbooking supplies, and a box of pictures that we hadn’t managed to get into our scrapbooks yet.

We spread it all out on the parts of the table that our mom’s weren’t using while looking at the pictures. I opened up my scrapbook and looked through what I had already managed to get finished inside of it.

The pictures mostly started with the ski trip I had taken with her family earlier in the year. As I looked at those pictures I thought about how much fun I had on the slopes, and how neat it had been to have my first experience with having my hair put in pigtails. There were then pictures from band contest where I had to have my hair put up just like the girls in a ponytail with a piece of ribbon.

In both of these settings I looked like the girl I had become — though I definitely wouldn’t have believed that I would come this far so soon. There were also several pages devoted to our English project, which had been a short film made with Barbies. The project, with the help of Ashley’s dad (a local TV station manager) had become such a success that Mattel had bought the film from us.

I had a lot of fun memories of the weekend we had produced the project. It made me suddenly wonder if there might be some way I could do more with that kind of stuff in the future. Just as I was thinking about that though I flipped to the next page where I had begun a section on the sleepover we had to celebrate the beginning of summer.

Amy’s mom and my parents had suspected that Amy and I were dressing me up in her clothes. In trying to sort out what was going on with me they set up a situation where I could become one of the girls for the slumber party — I had to match everyone else right? Amy and I had fallen right into their trap, confirming our parents’ suspicions, and the last two weeks had seen a new course begin in my life. Really I couldn’t believe it had been just two weeks.

Suddenly I jumped as I felt a poke in my side, I screeched a bit, “Hey what was that for?” I asked, looking at Amy.

“I’ve been talking to you for like three minutes and you weren’t answering!” She said with a grin on her face. “Are you alright?” She asked — her face changed to show a bit of concern.

“Yeah, I was just thinking — it’s been kind of a crazy time recently.” I told her.

“You’ve certainly had an eventful few months.” She replied knowingly.

“Well anyway, shall we get started on this stuff?” I asked her.

“Sure. Are you going to finish up with the slumber party stuff first or are you going to skip to the trip?” She asked me.

“Let’s finish up with the party first?” I suggested.

“That’s probably a good idea.” She answered and we began working on finishing up three more pages each of the slumber party pictures. That ended up taking the better part of an hour. We were both so focused on what we were doing that when our moms handed us several pages that they had done of the pictures we were astonished.

“Wow! Mom you did a really nice job on this,” I exclaimed to her. “It’s so cute how you did this,” I said pointing to some stenciled lettering she had added to one part of it. She had gotten four pages made up from the first two days of the trip. I was really impressed!

“Thank you sweetie,” She told me. She was beaming a bit — I think she was pretty proud of herself too.

With that we kicked off a marathon session of scrapbooking! Mom had brought ticket stubs and postcards that I hadn’t even thought of putting into the books. Melanie had also bought a lot of stickers from various places to add onto pages too.

We stopped only briefly for a frozen pizza that was thrown in the oven at lunchtime, and went right back to the project. Throughout the time we worked together on the books all four of us laughed and giggled a lot. I thoroughly enjoyed spending the time with the three of them.

At about four o’clock we all finished up. By combining our efforts into mother/daughter teams (and we had switched moms a couple times actually), we had managed to complete the scrapbooks through the present time. The trip had surprisingly ended up being forty-three pages in each of our books. Mom said we’d have to get another book to do future stuff in — this one was already full!

After we cleaned up Amy and I traded scrapbooks to see what the other had done. Both of us had big things in the books talking about how the other was her best friend. Pretty standard really, but it really meant something to me to have this now. Our moms went into the living room to talk and left us alone in the dining room.

“Hey Tiff, do you want to go swimming for a bit?” Amy asked me.

“Sure, but I don’t know how much longer my mom is going to want to stay over here.”

“Let’s go ask her then.” She said while dragging me to where they were sitting.

“Tiffany and I were wondering if we could go swimming for a little while,” Amy said to them.

Mom looked at her watch and said, “We really need to get going here soon Tiffany, Dad is going to be home in about an hour…”

“Please?” I asked her. “We won’t swim long…” I added pleadingly.

She looked at her watch real quick and at Amy’s mom for a second. “You can swim for thirty minutes — that includes time to change into and out of your swimsuit.”

“Thanks Mom!” I exclaimed while hugging her. Amy grabbed my arm and we ran upstairs to her room. For the sleepover Amy’s mom had bought all of us matching pink swimsuits with Arielle on them. I had left mine at her house after the sleepover, and I quickly put it on in the guest bathroom down the hall. I ran into Amy (literally) as I headed back down the staircase to the pool.

I’m fairly certain I heard a chorus of ‘don’t run through the house,’ from both of our mothers — but we were already in the pool by the time it registered. The two of us splashed around and swam in the pool for what seemed like all of about five minutes when Mom came out to the pool.

“Tiffany, it’s time to go.”

“Do I have to?” I asked.

She gave me a stern look and didn’t even dignify my question with an answer. Knowing that look, I ran upstairs real quick and changed back into my clothes. I carried my swimsuit back down with me — I didn’t know if I could leave it for another time or not.

Amy’s mom was at the bottom of the stairs talking with my mom when I got there, “Tiffany why don’t you go ahead and hand that to me — I’ll wash it and just keep it here. You and Amy will probably swim here a lot more this summer.”

“Okay, thanks!” I said as I handed it to her. “Thanks so much for having us over this afternoon.” I added.

As we walked through the door she told me “You’re welcome Tiffany. We’ll see you later.”

I gave her a quick hug and got in the car with Mom to go home.

WE GOT HOME about 5:10 and mom started making some baked potatoes in the microwave.

“Mom why can’t we just do the potatoes in the oven?” I asked.

“They won’t cook in time sweetie.”

“I guess… They just don’t taste the same in the microwave though,” I pouted.

“Do you want to eat tonight young lady?” She asked.

“Umm… sorry… I do want to eat.”

“Then quit complaining! Here, cut up this zucchini like this,” she said showing me how she wanted it cut, “when you get done with that do the squash the same way.”

She continued to make me do all sorts of stuff around the kitchen to help her cook for the next twenty minutes until Dad got home. “Hi Daddy,” I said to him.

“Hi sweetie, did you have a good day?”

“I had a great day! Amy and I worked on our scrapbooks with Mom and her mom — and they really came out well.”

“I’ll have to look at it later. Honey what are we doing for dinner?” My dad asked my mom.

“Steaks? Go wash your hands then you can work on them outside on the grill.” She told him.

Mom was definitely the boss in her kitchen! By seven we had all of the food and dishes finished off. I showed Dad my scrapbook — he seemed to enjoy looking through it. He showed a fair amount of surprise at some of the earlier pictures of me with my hair tied up while skiing and on the band trip.

More than anything I watched his jaw drop on the pictures from the slumber party. At one point he commented, “Sweetie, don’t take this the wrong way, but I really didn’t expect for you to look as pretty, if not prettier than a lot of the girls… I mean you were my son… You do make a lovely daughter though.” He added at the end.

It was at this moment that I think I saw the first signs of some of the stress this was taking on him. He had been so good at being there for me, no matter what, the past couple weeks. But I could definitely see this was not easy for him to deal with.

I gave him a big hug, “Daddy I know this has been hard for you and Mom, thank you so much for doing all that you have. I know that maybe it seems like you’ve lost your son — but you still have her… I know that doesn’t make sense, but I love you so much for everything you’ve done for me,” I said with some tears in my eyes.

He embraced me and did something he hadn’t done in a very long time, sat me on his lap. “It has been a bit hard, but I don’t think I’ve lost anything. I love you so very much no matter who you are. I’ll always love you.” He said.

By this point both of us had tears in our eyes — but we recovered after another hug. I went to the bathroom to go rinse my eyes and then ended up in my room. I sat on my bed for a second looking around my room before fixating on the large dollhouse sitting in the corner.

It had been a gift from Mattel in relation to the Barbie film we had made. I had a number of Barbies with it — but hadn’t had much of an opportunity to play with them at home. I think I’d maybe had one real day to play with them? And that day was still covered in a fog with my memories; it was the day after my parents had found out about me. I had felt scared, angry, humiliated, and every other emotion you could imagine — so I didn’t have much in the way of memories of that day.

I got up off the bed and began playing with them at that point. After a while Mom came in and asked, “Can I play too?”

I gave her kind of a funny look and then said, “Alright,” with a big smile on my face.

I had to introduce her to all of my Barbies — she didn’t know all of the names. After that we changed some of the clothes and began to play together. I came up with some wacky situations, just like when Amy and I played, and she frequently chimed in with some wacky stuff of her own.

The next hour was probably one of the best I’d had with her since I don’t know when. I mean when had she ever asked to play with me as a boy? Maybe when I was a toddler? Maybe.

At eight she got up to go since she was sore from sitting, and I decided to occupy myself some other way for a bit. Mom had purchased the newest Seventeen Magazine for me yesterday at Wal-Mart. I got it off my dresser where it was sitting and began reading through it.

It was a neat magazine, but I have to admit some of the stuff on boys kind of made me squirm. What was I going to do about dating as I got older? I really hadn’t had feelings for either girls or guys at this point. I tried to think if there were any guys in our class that I’d consider going out with… I really couldn’t come up with any. I guess Kyle might be alright… but eew… that was still too weird.

I closed the magazine and decided to go ahead and get my pajamas on. Last night I’d worn a sleep shirt, it had been really nice… But I had several other pajama sets, and you just can’t wear the same thing every night, right?

I went back and forth in my choices before deciding a purple short/tank top set that was made out of a soft satin material. Once I was dressed I grabbed a stuffed teddy bear and went out to the living room where my parents were watching TV.

My parents were both in their recliners on either side of the couch — I just curled up on a side of the couch. I really wasn’t interested in the program they were watching, so I just kind of stared blankly at the screen.

During a commercial break my mom said, “So Tiffany, Amy’s mom was telling me about a camp that they’re sending Amy to next month for cheerleading.”

“Amy said something about it to me on the trip, it sounds like she’s going to have a lot of fun.” I replied. Amy was incredibly excited to be going to this camp; she’d mentioned it many times again today. She’d always been interested in cheerleading and dance stuff. Just this past May she had made the school’s cheerleading team for the next year as a seventh grader (upcoming).

Obviously they were going to be having a cheerleading camp for the team — but she was also going to this camp for individual girls before going to the team camp. She’d never been to the camp, but everything that she’d heard about it in magazines and such made it seem like it was really cool. Each girl was put together with fourteen other girls to make a squad for the week.

Together all of the girls would then work as a team to learn different stunts, cheers, individual technique, and leadership skills. The camp was set up to be a place for girls of all skill levels to get experience cheering, and in Amy’s case, get conditioned for the team camp they would have later.

The question I had though was why were they telling me about it? “Why do you mention it?”

“Amy told her mom that you seemed to be interested in the idea of going with her when she mentioned it on the trip.”

“Well yeah… Kind of… I just don’t know that I’m really someone that could do that kind of stuff… It might be kind of fun though.”

“Well Melanie called the camp today and found out they have one more spot open in the camp. Would you like to take that spot?” She asked.

My jaw dropped. “Seriously?” I asked.

“If you want it we’ll get it set up.” Mom replied.

“But what about… you know… How would I shower and stuff like that?” I asked.

“Well the camp is at a university that has a bathroom that’s shared between two girls. They said that we could still set it up to where you were Amy’s roommate.” She must have seen a small look of horror on my face, “And no, we didn’t tell them about you.”

Whew. “What do you think about it?” I asked my dad.

“Well I can’t say that it’s my idea of fun, but I think you would have a good time. Most of your friends are on the cheerleading squad this year. If you go to it this would probably make it easier for you to try out next year if you want to.” He said.

There was something in his voice that definitely betrayed his feelings at suggesting that I be going to a cheer camp. I was honestly proud of him, but you could tell it was straining him. Maybe me getting away for a week would help him? I didn’t honestly know that I wanted to be a cheerleader, but he was right; almost all of my friends were going to be on the squad next year.

Cheerleading was also probably the most girly thing you could ever do in school… But I’d never be let on the team — everyone on it was absolutely gorgeous. Even then, this camp could be a lot of fun even if I never did anything with it. I’d at least have fun with Amy.

“Then Yes!” I told them both. “Are you sure the spot will still be open by tomorrow?” I asked mom.

“Actually it’s not open anymore.”

I was about to cry. Why would she do that to me? I was also really getting angry. “Then why’d you tell me about it!?!”

“Relax. There’s a girl named Tiffany that took the spot.” She told me with a big smile.

I went over to her and hit her first before giving her a big hug. “Not nice!!” I told her.

“I know… but your dad has to take some of the blame, he was the one that came up with that joke.”

I proceeded to go over and lightly pound on him before hugging him as well. “Thank you Daddy,” I told him.

“You’re welcome. I hope you enjoy it. But, make sure you thank Amy’s parents too — they’re paying for it.”

“Really?” I asked.

“Yes, they’ve insisted on paying for it — so make sure you say thank you next time you see them,” Dad told me. With that he got up and headed for bed.

“Mom may I call Amy?” I asked.

“As long as you don’t talk too long, ten minutes max, okay?”

“Thirty? It’s not like I have school tomorrow!”

“Twenty. Tiffany you do have an eye doctor appointment tomorrow morning that you have to wake up for.”

“I’m getting contacts tomorrow?” I asked — I was already smiling but it got bigger at the thought of not having to wear glasses anymore.

“Well we’ll get you fitted for them tomorrow. I doubt we’ll be able to get the actual contacts tomorrow though.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” I said giving her another hug.

“Okay enough already, go call Amy, you need to go to bed soon.”

I skipped my way to the kitchen phone and dialed Amy’s number. Amy answered, “Hello?”

“Amy!!! Guess what?”

“You’re going to camp with me?” She asked.

“Not fair! You take all of the fun out of things.”

She laughed on the other side, “Mom told me about it a little bit ago. Blame her.”

“Nah… I can’t blame your mom — especially since my Dad told me she’s paying for it! So are you alright with me tagging along to this camp?” I asked.

“Alright with you tagging along?” She asked incredulously. “Let’s see you’re my best friend in the world, and I’ll be able to be with you instead of a bunch of strangers… Of course I’m okay with it.”

“Good, I just don’t want you to get sick of me I guess.” I told her.

“I won’t. So are you excited about going?” She asked me.

“I think so, I don’t honestly know what to expect.”

“It’ll be so much fun. We’ll be working really hard though — you should come over tomorrow and we’ll work on some basic tumbling and stuff with you.”

“Do you honestly think that I can do that stuff?” I asked.

“Of course! You won’t be perfect at it without a lot of practice, but we can probably make it possible for you to do some stuff before we go to camp.”

“I’ll ask my mom if I can come over after my eye doctor’s appointment tomorrow.”

“Ooh, are you finally getting contacts?”

“Yeah, I’m so excited. I’ve hated being without my glasses as Tiffany — but I definitely can’t wear my old glasses now.” My old glasses were the big metal framed glasses. Yeah all of you that had glasses in the early 80’s and 90’s know what I’m talking about. It was a large part of why I had picked up the ‘Ralphy’ nickname last year.

“They were pretty lame, even for a guy,” Amy joked.

I joined her laughing about them and we talked about other things for a little while longer before Mom said, “Tiffany you need to get off the phone now.”

“Mom, may I go to Amy’s house after we get done at the doctor tomorrow?” I asked.

“You were just there today.”

“Please? Amy wants to help me not look like an idiot at the camp!” I said. I heard a chuckle from her end of the phone.

“Has Amy asked her mom?”

I lifted the phone back to my ear, “Amy have you asked your mom?” I heard her yell and ask permission.

Amy said, “She says sure!”

I pulled the phone away from my ear, “Her mom’s okay with it. May I go?”

Mom looked thoughtful but said, “Okay I guess.”

I put the phone back to my ear and told Amy that I’d be there around one. She told me to come in some cotton shorts and a t-shirt. Before we hung up I asked to speak to her mom really quickly to say thank you and to tell her how awesome she was. Once I was finished I washed my face, brushed my teeth, and then forced myself to go to sleep.
 
 
Chapter 3
 
 
THE NEXT MORNING Mom got me up early to go to the eye doctor’s office. We were going to a different doctor than I had in the past since my old one had gone out of business for some reason. Because of that, we had all of those wonderful forms that we had to fill out. We sat down in the lobby chairs to fill all of them out. Mom hesitated as she filled out the paperwork — all of my insurance stuff was still set up for Brandon… There were also the gender boxes to fill in — what were we supposed to do?

Mom decided just to go ahead and fill it out as Tiffany, and spoke with the receptionist quietly. I watched the girls eyes grow and she did a double take at me. Mom said something else to her and I saw her begin to look a bit nervous, smile, nod, and then Mom came back over. I was dying to know what had been said up there — it made me really nervous and really curious at the same time — but I figured I’d have to wait until later. For now she just sat down quietly next to me.

I saw a magazine on the table that I thought looked interesting and started reading through it. Ten minutes later I saw a door open next to the front desk and heard, “Tiffany?”

I stood up and walked over to her followed by my mom. She led us down the hallway to a room where she put me through a barrage of tests. When I thought my eyes could take no more she left and the real doctor came in. More tests…

Finally after I was so sick of looking this way, that way, looking at lights and letters, he left to go calculate some stuff.

When he came back in he said. “Okay Tiffany, I think that we should be able to do contacts without a problem. I would like to go ahead and do…” he discussed the kind of contacts he wanted me to use. He seemed to think that it would keep my eyes from getting worse as I grew. My mom agreed with his plan and then he replied, “I’ll order them today and they should be in by Wednesday of next week.”

“That quick?” My mom asked.

“We have a place that makes them here in town, so as long as I get the order in today, they should be here by then. Why don’t you plan on coming in on Thursday and we’ll show you how to put them in and take care of them?”

“Okay.” I said. We finished up and went back out to the lobby. Mom stopped and talked to the receptionist for a moment as we went by. I couldn’t hear her, but the girl smiled and waved at me as Mom walked away.

When we were safely in the car, “Okay Mom, what was going on with that lady? Out with it.” I told her. I wasn’t really agitated, but I was far too curious.

“Why, are you really that curious?”

“Yes. What happened?”

“Well when I first went up there I told her that I needed her to process the insurance claim under the name of Brandon, but everything else was to be in Tiffany for the appointment. She looked at me really strange and asked why?”

“I told her that you used to be Brandon, but under the guidance of a medical professional you had become Tiffany.”

“What did she say?” I asked.

“Well she looked at you and couldn’t believe that you were a boy. She thought I was just trying to get her goat at first. I had to assure her that it was no joke, and that if she didn’t handle it discreetly, professionally, and confidentially the office could face problems. She kind of got nervous at that point, but she said ‘that’s fine, I’ll take care of it.’”

“Really?”

“Well she didn’t have a lot of choice in the matter. I’ll be honest though — it did make me a little uncomfortable to deal with this visit. We’re going to have to see if we can get the insurance stuff and other legal stuff taken care of soon.”

“Not to mention school stuff.” I kind of shuddered.

I’d had it really easy so far with people accepting me. At the slumber party it was girls who had mostly known me and all liked me. On the trip, it had been a very closed-in environment, that the teachers had every right to send home a student if they became a problem: it was part of the agreement before we could go on the trip.

For whatever reason I had lucked out in that two of the cooler guys had gotten behind me with this when I came out with it. If Kyle and David stayed behind me I might have a chance this next year… but I knew there were going to be people that were going to have a fit about this. One of my mom’s closest friends had already voiced her opinion that I should be checked into a mental ward — not allowed on this path. Mom currently wasn’t really speaking to her.

I was raised as a Christian, I believed in Jesus and that He had given his life for mine — it did create a huge amount of turmoil for me… I had come to the conclusion that He had made me this way — with this issue — and that regardless of the right/wrong factors of this that I was forgiven. I knew though that the majority of people I had gone to church with as a kid would ostracize me at the least. To me though, it was like I had born with a birth defect, such as a facial disfiguration, that would hopefully be corrected by surgery sometime in the future.

But in my opinion that didn’t even seem to matter when I considered the school fun I was bound to have this year…

I felt a hand tickling me in my side “Tiffany,” Mom said.

“Huh?”

“Are you all right?” She asked me.

“Yeah, it’s just not going to be easy is it?” I asked.

“No sweetie. I don’t think you could have ended up with a harder way to grow up. Are you happier though?” She asked me.

I nodded, “Uh-huh.”

“Then I think we’ll eventually look back at this and see that though it was hard that it was worth it.”

“I hope so. What’s next?” I asked my mom.

“Well he gave me a prescription for glasses as well as your contact prescription. I want to go stop by a place and get you some glasses made that will work for you if you need to wear glasses instead of contacts sometime.”

“Umm… okay. But I’m not going to wear them often.”

“That’s fine, they’ll be there if you need them though.” She told me.

“Okay I guess.”

We drove over to a Lenscrafters location and we spent the better part of an hour deciding which frames to get. I finally asked a girl that was working there what she thought. She was just out of high school so she was able to better judge what was cute and what was scary!

When all was said and done I liked what we had picked out. It was about eleven-thirty when we finished up ordering the glasses. She said to be back in an hour to pick them up. So we ended up piddling around at McDonalds and a couple of stores for a bit before going back to get them. It was sure nice to be able to see again! Not that I think glasses ever look good on anyone — but these didn’t look too terrible on me (relatively speaking.)

I wondered what Amy would think when she saw them.

MOM DROPPED ME off at Amy’s house after giving me a chance to change into some shorts and a light t-shirt. “Hey!” Amy said to me with a smile as I came through the door.

“Tiffany I like your new glasses!” Amy paused for a second before continuing to ask, “Didn’t you say you were getting contacts though?”

“Yeah, they should be in next week. Mom wanted me to get a pair of glasses though so I could see if for whatever reason I had to take my contacts out sometime.”

“Well it definitely makes your face look a lot prettier than the old pair! I know you were just not wearing them most of the time — but you couldn’t have been able to see that well?”

“My eyes are strange — one can see close and one can see far away. Between the two I can get away without them.”

“You’re strange Tiff,” She joked.

“Just like you Amy, just like you.” There was our usual sticking our tongues out at each other session for a couple minutes. Eventually I asked, “So what did you want to do?”

“Here, let’s go outside to the back.” She replied as we walked to the grassy area of her backyard. “Okay, so they don’t expect you to know a lot when you go to this camp — but it’ll help you fit in better if you know at least a little bit of stuff.” She told me.

“Okay, I definitely don’t want to stand out anymore than I already will…” I told her.

“What do you mean by that Tiff?” She asked me as we started doing some stretches.

“Just that I’m not really pretty enough to be a cheerleader, am I?” I asked her.

“Tiffany, honestly, if I didn’t know you were a guy I would assume that you were a girl. I mean everyone has been for months since you started growing your hair out. Your face is easily as pretty as the average girl on the cheerleading squad at our school. You’re also as skinny as I am — if not skinnier. You’ll easily fit in look wise at this camp. In fact I’m sure there will be a lot of girls there that will not be nearly as pretty as you.” She told me.

“Really?”

“Yeah, this is an open camp, so that means there will be some girls that go to this that will never make a squad at their school.” She paused, “Look, let’s plan on you going and having a really great time. We’ll worry about figuring out some way to get you onto the squad at our school next year.”

I definitely didn’t know what to say or think at this point. “Amy thanks for being such a great friend.” I said and gave her a hug.

“You too Tiffany. And remember, even if only one of us is on the cheerleading squad I will always be your best friend!”

“I sure hope so,” I told her.

“Okay, now let’s make you suffer!” She said with a maniacal laugh… uh-oh.

For the next two hours that afternoon she taught me all sorts of stuff. She was really amazed when she found out I could do front-splits and side-splits already. “Tiffany, have you worked on those or something?”

I blushed, “I was always somewhat flexible when I was younger, but when I started thinking I should be a girl I decided to try and do some things like that.”

“You’re able to go down farther than some of the girls that are on the squad. Now let’s take it a couple steps further…” she began teaching me how to do them while jumping. Her mom came out several times and watched us — usually laughing at my expense.

She also began teaching me how to do some somersaults. I could already do some cartwheels, but I’d never tried to do a front-flip. At the end of our workout I still couldn’t do a front-flip: but I’d at least made a start at trying.

We went inside to take a break and get something to drink at about three-thirty. Her mom talked with us quite a bit — including giving us both some heckling about what she had watched.

Amy’s mom also took that time to comment on my new glasses, “Tiffany those glasses really frame your face well. They look really good on you,” she told me.

“Thanks!” I told her before Amy and I sat down on a couch in the living room for a bit.

After a while Amy decided we’d cooled off enough and dragged me back outside to teach me some other cheerleading basics. Needless to say, by four-thirty I was exhausted.

We went inside and just kind of vegged out in front of their TV. “So Amy what are you doing Saturday?”

“Nothing as far as I know, why?”

“You want to come stay the night?” I had asked my mom before she dropped me off if it was okay.

“Yeah! Do you have anything in particular you want to do?”

“Not really, I thought we could just hang out. Maybe we can go rent a movie or something and watch it?”

“Let me ask Mom real quick.” She said.

We both walked down the hallway to her mom’s office. “Mommy may I go to Tiffany’s on Saturday and stay the night?”

“I was wondering who was going to be staying over where… Yeah, that’s fine sweetie. What are you going to do?”

“Dunno. Maybe watch a movie or torture my parents somehow.” I replied to her with a grin on my face.

“Well don’t torture them too much — they might try and give you to us or something,” she joked.

“Oh alright… I can tell when I’m not wanted…” I heckled her right back and we left to go sit in the living room. We kept talking and watching TV until my mom rang the doorbell at five.

“You have to come to your ‘real home’ every now and then, Tiff.” My mom told me as we got into the car.

That night after dinner my body dealt me all of the soreness it felt I deserved after working out with Amy earlier. I ended up soaking in a bubble bath for a long time before bed that night.
 
 
Chapter 4
 
 
FRIDAY WAS AN early morning for me — mom made me wake up at 7:30 AM!! “Why do we have to go so early?” I griped to mom.

“Your grandparents are coming, and you know they’ll be here in like an hour at the most. Come on let’s get you ready so you can look your best.” She told me.

My grandparents had only seen me as Tiffany once so far… so I guess it made sense. “Alright, alright, I’ll get up.” I told her.

I looked in my closet and picked out a striped t-shirt and some shorts to wear for the day. After that I grabbed panties and a training bra before stepping into the bathroom to take a shower. I stood there for a long while letting the water roll off of me — I was really sore from yesterday. At some point I ran out of hot water and decided that meant it was time to get out of the shower.

I put on my clothes and worked on my hair for a while before deciding that I was presentable. When I was done I stared at myself to see what I thought others would think. As far as I could tell they shouldn’t be able to see that I was a boy underneath… Thankfully everything below my waist was small enough that you couldn’t see it when I tucked it into my panties. I was kind of worried about what was going to happen when things started growing — I was definitely going to have fun keeping that hidden as time went on.

The pounding on the door broke my reverie. I opened the door, “What?” I asked.

“Are you ever going to get out of there?” My mom asked.

“No. I’m your daughter now, I have to spend at least four times as much time in the bathroom now… It’s like some kind of rule.” I kind of grinned — I was still too asleep to smile — while saying that with the door open now.

She wanted to be annoyed and angry — she tried hard — but ended up smiling and giving me a hug. “You look nice today. I like that top on you.”

“Thanks.”

I went out to the kitchen and poured a bowl of Lucky Charms for breakfast. Dad was coming in from mowing the lawn outside when I sat down. He had taken another vacation day that day so he could spend some time with his parents. I was about midway through my cereal when I heard the doorbell ring and my grandfather’s booming voice. I jumped out of my seat and out to the living room to give him and my grandmother a hug. “Hi,” I said to them.

“Well don’t you look darling today,” my grandmother told me. Grandpa voiced his own agreement as well.

“Thanks,” I said as I blushed a bit. I brushed my hair back behind my ear to get it out of my mouth as I said that.

“Did you get your ears pierced sweetie?” My grandmother asked.

“Uh-huh, do you like them?”

“Absolutely. You look very lovely sweetie.” She told me. They followed my parents and I back into the kitchen where I worked on finishing up my breakfast.

I noticed then that it was nine am. I must have spent well over an hour in the bathroom… no wonder Mom was giving me a hard time about monopolizing it. Oh well, I looked pretty right?

When I finished breakfast Mom said, “Tiffany go get your scrapbook and show it to your grandparents.”

“Okay,” I said. I jumped up and ran down the hall to my room where it was sitting on top of my dresser. I skipped my way back to the kitchen and put it down in front of my grandparents. My grandmother grabbed her glasses from her purse and they began to look through it.

“This is cute. Where’d you take this?” My grandparents asked about a photo with the Hancocks that we’d taken on our ski trip.

“That was when Amy’s parents took me up to go skiing.” I told them. I remembered that day as being the first that I’d had my hair in a ponytail. You could actually kind of see it sticking up above my head.

They kept looking through it asking questions here and there about different pictures and places. The pictures from Florida were especially interesting to them. When we were done Grandpa said, “Well you’ve had quite a year Bran… Tiffany.”

“Yeah, it has been Grandpa,” I replied to him.

“Your mom was saying that you’re going to a cheerleading camp here in a few weeks?” Grandma asked. I think she was trying to keep me from dwelling on the fact that Grandpa almost called me Brandon.

“Yeah, I’m really excited about it! It should be a lot of fun. If nothing else I’ll get to hang out with Amy for all of that time,” I told her.

“That sounds good. What all are you going to do at this camp?” She asked me.

I proceeded to tell her all of the things that I had learned about the camp from Amy. “I think I’ll have a really good time actually. Amy was teaching me some stuff yesterday and it was a lot of fun.”

The conversation moved on to what we were doing that day. “Well why don’t we go to Price Club first? Then we can go eat somewhere.” My dad suggested.

“Okay,” my grandfather said.

With that the circus of leaving our house began. My mom tried to convince my grandparents to just go in our car, but Dad needed to have one of our cars there in case he got called out… Yeah, it was just a blast trying to get everyone organized in my family to do anything!

We then drove the twenty-five minutes into town, and another ten minutes across town to get to the store. When we finally got to Price Club we began walking up and down the aisles. My dad became occupied in the computer aisle while I walked around with my grandparents. I leaned over to pick up a giant thing of paper towels, when my necklace came out from underneath my shirt — hanging away from my neck.

When I had straightened up to put it on the cart Grandma said, “That looks pretty Tiffany,” she said coming over to me to get a closer look. “Where did you get that?” She asked me.

“Amy’s mom bought this necklace set for Amy and I on the ski trip.”

“I really like it. It looks good on you,” she added.

“Thanks.” I said as we walked down more of the aisles. Eventually we finished up with their shopping — at least I hoped so with as full as the cart was. We were in line when I saw Dad come up pushing a cart of his own…

“You’re going to buy a new computer?” I asked with no small amount of glee in my inquiry.

“Yes, I think it’s time, don’t you?”

“Uh-huh!!” I started looking at the specs on the box. Girl or not, I was still a computer nerd at heart!

“This looks great Daddy,” I told him.

“I’m glad you think so.” He told me as we all checked out at the cashier. In no time we were eating lunch at Olive Garden and everyone was talking about various things. My grandmother told us the latest gossip around the small town that was nearest their place.

There was also plenty of news shared about my dad’s brother and two sisters. My next to oldest cousin in particular kept getting into a fair amount of trouble in Arizona where they lived. My parents both commented about how poor the discipline was from his mother (his sister) and his dad.

Of course by now my dad’s siblings had learned about me as well. My uncle in particular couldn’t believe my parents were letting me do this. After the last conversation my dad had with him he had sworn off speaking to him for a long time. If we had any family gatherings this summer I had a feeling the two of them would probably get into it over me.

Thankfully my aunts both seemed to be cool with the idea — or at the very least not hostile. One aunt in particular, Aunt Linda, was a ‘free thinker’ and so she was definitely more predisposed to being supportive of my change.

Our conversations at the restaurant never really strayed onto my transition. As far as I knew it was just a silent agreement to not talk about it in public. Following lunch Mom, Grandma, and I all went to the ladies room together. I finished first and put on some lip gloss that I had in my purse after I washed my hands. I waited till Grandma and Mom were done before we all walked out to the cars.

“Where to next?” my grandfather asked as my dad’s pager began to go off. He looked at it for a second before pulling his cell phone off of his belt and called someone. Of course he would get a phone call on a day off! It really made me so mad.

When he finished up with the call he said, “Mom, Dad, I’m really sorry but I need to get back home so I can get my work vehicle and go to work. Mandy, what do you and Tiffany want to do?” He asked.

“Why don’t you guys finish shopping with us and then we’ll drop you off at home later?” My grandmother suggested.

My mom didn’t look really thrilled with the idea of shopping with my grandmother all afternoon, but I asked, “can we do that Mom?”

She looked pained at the idea of having to deal with my grandmothers’ style of shopping (look at every thing in the store)… but said, “I suppose. I do need to get home by four; can you guys get us back by then?”

“Sure hon, that shouldn’t be a problem.” My grandmother said.

With that my dad gave my grandparents a hug goodbye and took off with our car to go back home. My grandmother dragged us through the mall at one of the slowest paces I’ve ever seen. We must have spent an hour in Penney’s alone!

Before all of this happened I would have been overwrought with despair and boredom, but I actually managed to occupy myself in the girls section for forty-five minutes of that. I also spent some time in the juniors section — but Mom seemed to think that, since I didn’t have breasts or hips yet, I didn’t need to shop there. I decided I’d have to bring Amy back to help me out with that. Maybe we could go shopping tomorrow — then Mom could really be shopped out…

After two more chain stores we were basically out of time. Just before we left though we made a quick stop inside Claire’s because I wanted to look around. Grandma saw me staring at a pair of earrings for an extended time — and ended up purchasing them for me! I said thank you and gave her a hug for it before they took us back to our house to drop us off.

“Tiffany, thanks for going shopping with us. I had a really good time being with you today.” My grandmother told me.

“I had a good time too,” I told her. “And thanks for the earrings!”

Hugs were exchanged all around and they drove off. We went inside our house and I was annoyed that Dad had left a note to wait for him to assemble the computer — not fair! Eventually he came home, and that evening I spent a lot of time fighting over the computer with him — it was entertaining to me at least.

THE REST OF that weekend was a lot of fun for Amy and I. She came over like we had planned, and ended up going shopping at the mall with Mom for a while. Amy of course had helped me pick out a couple more outfits that were trendy and made me look cute. Most of them were still from the girls section though because the more I looked in the juniors, the more I realized I was still really tiny for a lot of it. On our way back from the mall we stopped to rent movies at our nearest Hollywood Video store.

I had a bit of a heart-attack while we were picking out movies. Three kids from our school, also looking for videos, saw Amy and came over to say hi. Amazingly they didn’t recognize me — so Amy introduced me as Tiffany, a girl who would be starting school this year at our school. Thankfully we didn’t talk long before we managed to move away from them.

I had told Amy and my mom of my disbelief that they hadn’t recognized me. They had just replied that I really didn’t look like the Brandon they would have seen the last day of school, especially with the new haircut and glasses. The rest of the night I kind of felt a buzz of adrenaline from that incident as it gave me some more confidence. Of course my confidence shattered when I realized that it was honestly only a matter of time before everyone found out about me.

It was with this thought and so many others that I went to see my psychiatrist for the second time on Monday. I wanted to make sure that she knew that I was a girl as much as possible — so I dressed up for the occasion. I put on a sundress that Amy’s mom had bought for some pictures a few weeks back, did my hair really pretty (adding some ringlets to it), and finished everything up with some lip gloss I had.

I wanted to use some of the makeup that Amy’s mom had purchased for me, but Mom put her foot down. She said I could use it for some special occasions, but I was not to wear it on a normal basis. I tried to convince her today was a special occasion but she wouldn’t bite. I played nervously with the bottom edge of my dress all the way to the hospital where Dr. Reynolds’ office was located.

Dr. Reynolds spoke to my mom first while I waited in the waiting area. They probably spoke for a good thirty minutes before she came back for me while my mom waited this time.

“How are you doing Tiffany?” Dr. Reynolds asked as she led me into her office.

“I’m doing really well today. How are you?”

“I’m doing well, thanks for asking. So what’s happened since I saw you last?” She asked.

Boy I’m sure she knew that was a loaded question… but if she didn’t she sure learned quick. I started off by telling her how Amy’s mom had treated us by taking us to her salon and getting our pictures taken in a bunch of outfits. I then told her about how I had done the best I could to last as Brandon on the trip, but finally we gave up the act for safety reasons.

I had been getting too many strange looks of ‘why is that girl in the boy’s bathroom?’ She seemed concerned that we had gone ahead and introduced me as Tiffany to the rest of the kids. “How did they react?” She asked with a level tone.

“Well, by that point all of the girls knew. One of them had figured out that I was wearing a girls top the first day. The couple others that didn’t know about me just kind of figured it out eventually on their own without me doing anything before the meeting. Even one of the guys, Kyle, figured it out the night before I told everyone.”

“How did he react when you told him?”

“Well… I was honestly shocked. It’s not like he’s ever picked on me — but he’s never been a friend either. He seemed to think it was kind of weird… but was okay with it. When we talked more the next day he seemed intrigued by the ability to completely blow everyone’s minds when I come to school in the fall.”

“He also led up an effort with another boy to make all of the kids promise not to spill the beans until the year begins. I don’t have a lot of faith in that happening, but I appreciate his trying.” I told her a bit more about that particular event as well while she seemed to write down notes every now and then.

“So what do you think of Kyle?” She asked me.

“Umm… what do you mean?”

“What do you think I mean?”

“Do you mean do I like him — like him?”

“Well do you?”

“Umm… I’m really not interested in dating anyone — boy or girl — at this point…”

“But?”

How did she know there was a ‘but’ there? “Well… I guess he’s cool, kind of cute… I just don’t know — I really don’t want to start dating for a long time anyway. Plus all of this…”

“It’s okay Tiffany, you have plenty of time to sort out your feelings with this. You don’t have to feel pressured to like one or the other anytime soon.” She reassured me.

We went through the session talking about so many other things before she began giving me some role-playing situations. She asked me what I would do if such and such happened for the better part of a half-hour. Mom was sent for after a bit and she began to address both of us together.

“Okay, I think we got a lot of good information out today. I’d like to share some of my thoughts at this point Tiffany, okay?”

“Okay,” I said nodding. I was suddenly feeling very tense. Would she now tell me that I had to go back to being Brandon — that I couldn’t ever be Tiffany. I think she could read the sudden stress build up in my face.

“First of all relax Tiffany, I’m not going to tell you to stop being yourself.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Look, I really hate to diagnose you with this at this young of an age. You haven’t entered puberty yet — so you really don’t know what it fully feels like to be a man — but at the same time if we deal with this now you would have an easier time transitioning. As it stands right now I really can’t tell from outside appearances that you weren’t born as Tiffany. But, as time goes on and you start advancing through puberty that would change really quick.”

“I know, I really don’t want to have any of those things like having a beard or my voice lowering…”

“I don’t think you necessarily should have to go through that. To be honest, the amount of research in treating children of your age with this is almost non-existent. Many doctors in my field believe we should wait longer before doing anything, but to prevent puberty from happening for the time being. I’ve personally been back and forth on deciding what to do with you many times since our last session.”

“What I have come up with is that I would like to see you go to this camp in a couple weeks and then have an appointment with me again at that point. Through that point I want you to continue to be Tiffany in every way.”

“Mandy, you and your husband should probably go ahead and start working on getting Tiffany’s paperwork to match her new gender. Have Mr. Hancock help you out with the school district. I’ve got a note prepared here that you can have him use as the basis of those attempts to get things switched over. It also should be enough to get her excused from PE for the year.” She said handing the note to Mom.

“So what’s next for me?” I asked. “You seemed to be thinking about doing something more than waiting for me to start puberty as a guy?”

“I really want to wait until one more session before deciding anything and getting your hopes up… but I am leaning toward starting a therapy after the next session that will keep you from starting into puberty for a while. It will have the side effect of keeping you smaller for longer, but it’ll buy us a bit more time to decide if this is actually the best thing for you. Realistically we can easily wait until then before having to decide anything.”

“Then what?” Mom asked.

“Well after school starts up if things seem to be still moving in this direction, I think in the late fall we’ll begin looking at a hormone therapy. That’s as far as I’m willing to discuss at this point.”

“Okay.” I said with a smile on my face — but definitely some heavy thoughts in my mind. Was this going to be worth it? I sure hoped so… but I knew I was getting myself into something that was going to be really hard to deal with. Just the idea of having my own real breasts in a couple years sent tingles up and down my body!

Dr. Reynolds spoke more to my mom about things that she had learned over the session. There really wasn’t anything shared with her at that point that I hadn’t already told Mom. She did mention to Mom that I had expressed some mixed emotions about having feelings about liking boys or not. Mom’s eyebrow raised a bit at that and I knew I was going to be interrogated hard about that later.

As we left Dr. Reynolds held onto my shoulder with a soft hand, “Tiffany, this is not going to be an easy road — but I think it’s going to be very worth it for you.”

I gave her a hug and said, “Thanks Dr. Reynolds.”

“No problem. Remember Tiffany, if you ever feel like you need to talk to someone in a hurry here’s my card. If it’s an emergency just tell my secretary or the answering service that comes on the line and they’ll get me on the line as quickly as they can.”

When we got to the car mom gave me a quick hug before we got in — it was just what I needed at that moment.

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To Be Continued...

 
Synopsis

In many ways Tiffany is the newest girl in her small community near Albuquerque, New Mexico. In the whirlwind of the last few weeks she has emerged from the shell of a scared and confused little boy named Brandon. Ever since Tiffany's parents confirmed with her their suspicions of her deepest wants and needs, they've supported her completely. With solid support from her family, her best friend and family and surprisingly, her growing circle of other friends it seems she might have a chance for a successful future.

'Can all this last?' is one of the biggest questions on her mind now. 'Will everyone stick with me when things get tough?' She's had an amazingly easy last couple weeks and she knows it won't last. What will happen when she returns to school? And most importantly, what will her psychiatrist decide? Will her doctor force her to return to living the lie as Brandon? These fears and more whirl in her mind as she looks to an uncertain future.

Daring to Hope is the continuing story of a bright, talented, and beautiful girl, who dares to hope for a future that is one based on happy dreams.

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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

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The Legal Stuff: Daring to Hope  © 2008 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2008 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
 
Last month I finally got around to publishing the first book of this trilogy, Standing Up to Life here at BigCloset. I had been delayed in publishing it there while trying to get it also published by Lulu.com. Well it’s taken me a bit longer on this book to get it up here as well, but here it is!

Like the first book I posted here, I am posting a standard copy of this here at BigCloset, and announcing that I have two versions available for purchasing through My Store at Lulu.com. Back by popular demand is the ebook download of the book. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be most interested in this edition of the book. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it from my store($3.00 for the ebook). I also have a hardback edition that is available, and will work on making a paperback edition available as well here in the coming weeks. With both the paperback and hardback editions I hope to have them available through Amazon.com in a couple months as well, and will offer to have Erin sell it through her Amazon page at that time.

Thank you to all of you, my amazing readers! Your comments have kept me going through some times when I thought I would never be able to write or edit another minute! Speaking of editing, thanks to my amazing editor, Carla Ann, for helping me out with this large work. Now that this project is coming to a close I hope to be able to focus solely on Book 3, and have that ready for you all this summer. Since it is the concluding book of the series I wish to be sure that it’s done right. Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy this book!

     -Tiffany Shar

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Chapter 5
 
 
THE WEEKS BETWEEN my second appointment and the cheer camp flew by faster than I could have ever imagined. It seemed like every night I was either staying the night at Amy’s house, or she was staying the night at my house. Amazingly the two of us weren’t sick of each other yet. Our parents had gone with us to go see Apollo 13 when it came out in the theater on June 30th. Both Amy and I had cried at the movie because it had moved us so much. All-in-all, it had been a nice outing with our families as they became closer and closer friends.

Beyond that Amy and I had been working out almost every day on my skills to try and make it possible for me to fit in better at the camp. Thankfully between what I had already worked on as far as splits before, and my being a fairly quick study, she thought I honestly could have beaten a couple of the girls on our junior high squad out that past spring.

I didn’t know if she was just saying that or if it was actually true though. Either way she really was a better friend than anyone could ever have hoped for.

As we approached the week we were leaving we both received letters in the mail from the camp with what we should bring. There was standard stuff like wash cloths, towels, bedding, clothes, toiletries, etc. As Mom and I scanned through the list it said to have a ‘nice dress’ for the final night banquet.

We looked through my closet, and other than a dress that was really pretty -- but too juvenile (it was from the photo shoot Amy’s mom had set up), I really didn’t have anything that would fit in. Mom immediately went into mom shopping mode though and invited Amy and her mom along that evening to shop for dresses. Both of us ended up with a new dress and shoes to match that evening.

It seemed like just the next day we were in a car with Amy’s mom driving us out to California where the camp was held at one of their state universities. For whatever insane reason, we left at Two AM in the morning. Amy and I had been talking excitedly most of the way there. We had both taken a couple naps on the twelve hour trip, but overall we stayed up for most of it.

Once we got to the university we followed signs on the campus that led us to a registration table in the lobby of a building.

"Hi, I’m Becky. Are you both coming to the camp?" We both nodded. "Okay then can I get your names?"

We told her and she looked up our information.

"Okay, we have you both sharing a room with its’ own bathroom -- you’re really lucky for that -- you’ll be in the Smith Building on the fourth floor. You can drive up that way to drop them off," she added to Amy’s mom.

"You’ll need to be at the Harbrough Dining Hall at five for dinner and to be introduced to your squad for the week. At that point we’ll also go over rules and stuff too. Until then you just need to get settled in. There’s some camp clothing that you need to pick up over there," she said pointing at another table, "before you go though, they’ll tell you what to wear for tonight. Any questions?" We shook our heads. "Well welcome to cheer camp girls!"

"Thank you," Amy and I echoed as we walked away with a packet of stuff over to the other table she’d pointed out.

"What are your names?" The girls asked us.

We told them and they handed us each a box that was already filled for us. They had some other t-shirts that weren’t in there though. "What size are you Tiffany?"

I told her my size and one of them said, "You’re so lucky to be that skinny!"

I blushed and said, "Thanks."

"Now both of you need to go ahead and wear the blue shorts and the ringer tee that’s in there to dinner/tonight’s activities."

"Okay, thanks!" I said with a smile. She smiled right back at me. The girls looked like they were college age and had on ‘counselor’ badges.

Mrs. Hancock drove us over to where they said we could park to move in and helped us carry our suitcases upstairs. We took an elevator up to the fourth floor and found our room down a hallway and to the right. Amy opened it up with one of our keys and we stepped inside.

Well, it wasn’t the Hilton, but it could have been worse. There were two beds inside the room that were lofted up above a desk. Next to the desk was a dresser on each side. We also each had a small closet to ourselves, and after inspecting the bathroom decided we should be able to survive the five days just fine. We made another couple trips for things like our dresses, which we had put in garment bags to keep from getting wrinkled, and for the boxes we’d been given of clothing for the week.

Looking at our watches we saw that we had just over three hours to kill before dinner. Amy’s mom helped us make the beds and sort through the rest of our stuff. After all of that was done we began looking through our boxes of stuff and more than once the comment was made, ‘Why’d we bring our own clothes?’

"Hey, the mascot for our squad here is the same as our school!" Amy exclaimed. Our school mascot was the Coyote. She held up a shirt that was for our squad -- along with a pair of shorts that matched. All-in-all it looked like we would be wearing our own clothes maybe two days?

The bottom of the box was what surprised me the most. "Amy we get a real cheerleading uniform for this week?" I was shocked.

"Apparently." She said, also surprised.

"Well the camp costs enough they should put in two!" her mom said.

We took them out of the box and found that not only had the mascot for our school matched up -- the colors did too (Dark Blue, Gold, and Black). "Did they do that intentionally?" I asked, continuing to look at it.

"Well it’s a common enough mascot, and the colors are common too. We’ll have to ask though." Amy said

By the time we had gotten settled into our room, and changed into the clothes we were supposed to wear, we only had a little over an hour till dinner. Amy’s mom took several photos of us like that before we walked her out to her car. She was going to be spending the week with some family that lived in the area. Amy and I watched her drive off before starting to explore the campus.

It was such a unique concept of us being on our own that we both became hyper and were running around when we heard, "Hey, Ladies, where are you going?"

We both stopped and turned around. One of the girls that had checked us in earlier was standing there -- she now had on a shirt that said counselor and had ‘coyotes’ across the front of it. "We’re just exploring," Amy responded.

"Well you need to be going to dinner to find your tables... Hey, you’re in my group this week," she said as we got closer and she saw the mascot name on our shirts. "I’m Emily, I’ll be your counselor."

"I’m Tiffany." I said holding my hand out for a soft handshake. She shook my hand and Amy introduced herself too. She led us to where we were eating dinner and told us a little bit about herself. Emily was in her third year of college and had been a cheerleader since she was in grade school. Currently she was working on degrees in physics and psychology at the university we were at.

Amy and I both said wow about the physics part. ‘She must be really smart. How many girls do you know that would want to go into physics?’ we both thought. The three of us sat down at a table that had our mascot listed on it. Two other girls were already sitting down there. Their names were Rachel and Monica.

We all started talking about ourselves and different things. Monica was hoping to make her squad next year -- she was moving to a new school this year and had missed the tryouts. Rachel was going to be an eighth grader and seemed to be really cool.

About ten minutes before they were supposed to start everything off with a speech eleven other girls came and sit down with us; Christina, Katrina, Jennifer, Amanda, Stephanie, Camelia, Paula, Sarah, Erin, Melissa, and Katie. We didn’t have a lot of time to talk amongst ourselves before a really pretty lady stood up in front of a lectern and began speaking.

"Good evening Ladies, and welcome to the 1995 Southern California Cheer Camp!" She said with exclamation. We all cheered loudly.

"My name is Elizabeth Harding, and I’m the Director of the camp. This is our tenth year hosting this camp for individual girls to come learn and compete in squads of fifteen that we put you in. This year more than three-hundred of you girls have come to attend from all fifty states!"

She proceeded to make some other statements to get everyone pumped up. "Okay, while we have dinner tonight your goal is to find out as much about the other girls at your table as you can. Everyone understand?"

"Okay then," she started dismissing certain tables to go to the buffet line. Our table was in the second set of tables she dismissed.

Part of me wanted to just follow the other girls’ lead and just get salad... but I’m not that kind of girl. I ended up getting a couple slices of pizza and some pasta on my plate. I was pleasantly surprised to see that a lot of girls had way more food on their plates than I did.

When we sat back down at the table Emily began leading us in getting to know each other. Most of the things she started off with were really basic like; where are you from, are you on a cheer squad now, what grade, what’s your favorite color, etc. The questions got a little deeper than that after a while -- but not too much so. In the end we were all just really enjoying ourselves and I felt like I was getting to know the other girls in our group a little bit.

Amy and I both really liked Emily as a counselor -- she was so cool. We also really hit it off with Rachel, Monica, Stephanie and Katie. By the time we had finished dinner the six of us were already becoming closer to each other.

Mrs. Harding got back up on the lectern a little after we had all finished eating. "Well Ladies, I hope you’ve started getting to know your squad mates. You’re going to have to spend most of your time over the next week with these girls. At the end of this camp we have a traditional competition between squads to determine which squad is the best. We’ll award medals and trophies to the teams that place Fifth through First."

"We’ll also be keeping an eye out for the most outstanding cheerleader, most spirited cheerleader, and most improved cheerleader for the camp. Ladies the competition starts right now!"

There was a lot of loud screaming from all of us at this point.

"Now for tonight. It’s 6:30 right now. You’re going to be working with your squad on some teamwork building activities until 8:30 then you’ll all report to the stadium. Good luck, and have a great time! You’re all dismissed."

"Okay ladies, let’s get going." Emily said loudly, with excitement. She led us out of the room and immediately took off at a jogging pace. None of us had expected her to do that already, but we all took off after her and kept pace until we arrived in a grassy courtyard in between some of the buildings.

"OKAY, THIS IS going to be our main meeting place for squad practices. If your schedule says ‘team or squad meeting,’ you need to come here. We’ll be spending some time at the football stadium tonight, each night, and during some team sessions in a few days. Anyway, first I want everyone to get in a circle holding hands."

The fifteen of us did as we were asked. "Okay, now I want you all to reach across with your left hand and grab someone else’s hand..." she led us in a couple rotations of grabbing peoples hands until we were all locked together in one blob. "Okay, now you have to get everyone out of here without anyone letting go of each others hands..."

I wish I could have been the one watching this spectacle -- it was pretty funny. Pretty quickly we began working as a group telling one girl to slip under some others, or contort themselves in some strange way, until we were all back in a circle holding hands.

"Let’s see if you can do it again, but faster this time!" Emily said.

So we repeated the task. It was amazing how much faster we completed it that time. When we were all back in the circle she told us to sit down. She walked over to a bag that she had brought with her and got out a ball. She came over and sat down on the outside of the circle.

"Okay, the next thing we’re going to do is play a game so we learn each others names. As the ball goes around the circle the person holding it has to say their name and their favorite ice cream. They then pass it to the next person and they have to say the names and everyone’s favorites before them. Does everyone understand?"

We all nodded. I looked at where I was in the circle and immediately realized I was going to have to work really hard to remember it all. Amy was the only one that was going to be behind me... Better her than me!

She began, "My name is Emily and my favorite ice cream is rocky road."

The next girl said, "My name is Rachel, my favorite ice cream is cookie dough. This is Emily, her favorite ice cream is rocky road."

This continued around the circle until it got to me, "My name is Tiffany, I like strawberry. This is Monica, she likes chocolate, she’s..." all the way until, "And this is Emily, she likes rocky road." I was amazed I actually managed to get through it!

Amy, the showoff, did the whole thing twice as fast as I did! I’m not really that good with names though so maybe that was part of it. I was kind of surprised that Emily then did the whole thing herself -- and as fast if not faster than Amy. It amazed me how cheery she was... I didn’t think she was faking it either.

Emily looked at her watch before starting another activity. This one was an interesting challenge. She divided us up into six pairs and one trio to start off with -- I ended up with Rachel -- and gave us a challenge of only letting so many hands, elbows, etc. touch the ground. When we had done a couple as pairs she combined us into three groups of five. She used the same number of body parts still though!

From there we were grouped into the full squad to do the same set of tasks. Being up close and personal with all of the girls well within each others space broke the ice really quickly. By the end of the activity we were all giggling and joking together.

There were still a few girls that weren’t opening up a lot though; Christina, Jennifer and Amanda were either really shy -- or stuck up -- I wasn’t sure which. They weren’t being rude or anything, they just didn’t seem to be having as good of a time as the rest of us.

Since we had finished the last activity she had planned we headed over to the stadium. Amy and I linked arms with Rachel, Monica, and Stephanie and began skipping on our way over there. Emily turned around at that point and joined up with us followed by a few other girls. When we got to the stadium they assigned each squad a part of the field to stand on.

The lady that had been speaking earlier began talking through a wireless megaphone from the stands. "Okay ladies, I hope you all have gotten to know each other better over the past few hours. I would now like to introduce you to your coaches for this week. In addition to your counselor every squad will share a coach with one other squad..."

"The Coyotes will be sharing Coach Evans with the Eagles..."

"Before we call it a night we’re going to work on learning a few cheers all together. Be sure you learn them well as a squad, because beginning tomorrow, there will be a competition with these group cheers to determine who goes first for lunch and dinner. So Ladies are you ready?"

‘Yeah’ everyone screamed back at her. "Alright, let’s begin."

She taught us the first one -- running through it as a large group several times before telling us to work in our squads on it. Let me tell you, the noise from that many cheerleaders in one spot is absolutely incredible! I sure hoped no one was trying to sleep anywhere within a mile of the stadium.

We practiced with our group and Coach Evans came over to come help us. When she got over there I became a target really quickly. "What’s your name?"

"Tiffany," I replied.

"Okay Tiffany I need you to try this a little bit differently..." She showed me how she wanted to change the way I was putting out my arms. I felt so incredibly stupid -- some of the other girls weren’t having any problems. Honestly I didn’t think I had that many until she started working with me.

Once I had fixed the things that I was doing wrong she had us move on to the next part of the cheer. It seemed like only a few minutes later though she began getting on my case about other things in this part. This trend continued throughout the time that she came over to work with us. I was feeling really embarrassed.

When we had finished our time to practice as squads, Mrs. Harding had us do it as a group a couple times. After teaching us two more cheers she said, "Okay ladies you need to head back to your dorms. Your counselors will have a couple more things to talk about with you tonight, and then it’s lights out at 10. Goodnight!"

I began to walk away with Amy and the girls towards our dorm but was stopped by Coach Evans. "Tiffany, I know I was nagging at you a lot today -- but you really showed improvement in just that little bit of time. Are you on your squad at home?"

Was it that obvious? "No, I’m new to the school this year," I replied. Well that was honest wasn’t it?

"I wondered. Anyway, keep trying as hard as you were doing today -- it’ll come eventually." She said and walked away.

That sure left me feeling good about myself. ‘It’ll come eventually?’ I told myself to ignore the ‘I wondered’ comment, it could only make me mad.

Amy interrupted my chance to dwell on that by saying, "Come on Tiff. Don’t let it get to you, you’re doing great! Mom sent some popcorn bags with me -- I want to go pop some in the microwave in the dorm."

"You brought popcorn?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah, do you want to join us?" Amy asked.

"Sure!" Rachel smiled and walked back to the dorm talking to us.

While we walked back we learned that she was going to be the Captain of her squad next year. She was an eighth grader from a suburb in Phoenix and was really cool. The three of us were quickly becoming a close trio. Once we got back to the dorm we met Emily and the rest of the girls in the lounge that was closest to our rooms. All of our squad was staying on the same floor, in a single row of rooms.

"Okay ladies, I need to go over some rules that you need to follow this week..." she went over things like the curfew time, being on time, what to wear tomorrow, "and if you need anything, or have any special needs at all find me, one of the other counselors, or the residence director -- downstairs."

"If it’s a medical or life-or-death emergency call ext. 7777 -- don’t call 9-1-1 because they don’t know as much about the campus. Security will take care of getting people where they’re supposed to be. Understand?"

We all nodded.

"Okay then ladies, you have forty-five minutes until you need to be in your rooms with lights out. I will come by and knock on your doors at 6:30 to make sure you all are awake for getting ready for breakfast at 7:30. You’re free to go."

Amy and I hurried back to our room and changed into our pajamas before we went back to the lounge to use the microwave in the adjoining kitchen. Rachel met up with us and had Monica and Stephanie with her. Stephanie had two other bags of popcorn and a thing of Oreos with her.

"Can we join in too?" Stephanie asked.

"Absolutely," Amy started.

"Especially for an Oreo," we both said at the same time.

We looked at each other and giggled a bit. The other girls were also amused. "So you two already knew each other?" Monica asked as we sat down.

"Yeah, we go to the same school together." I started.

"I’ve known Tiffany since Kindergarten, but really it’s been this past year that we’ve become inseparable. My parents keep saying maybe they should make the spare bedroom Tiffany’s with as much as she stays over."

"That’s neat that you guys were able to come and do this together," Rachel said.

"Did you guys know any of the others before coming?" I asked.

"I met Stephanie here last year," Rachel said. "We’ve written back and forth quite a bit over the last year."

"This is my first year so I don’t know anyone from before," Monica said.

We all talked about different stuff for about twenty minutes when Emily came by. She stole a cookie and some popcorn while talking to us for a little bit. She eventually sent us back to our rooms to get some sleep.

It certainly didn’t take long to get there that night.
 
 
Chapter 6
 
 
THE NEXT MORNING Amy woke up before me at 6 AM to get into the shower. As soon as she was done she let me in to take a shower. Once I was dressed I opened the door to the bathroom and we worked in front of the sink together until 7 AM. There was a brief interruption at 6:30 when Emily came. She knocked to check and that we were awake, but otherwise we both worked non-stop in the bathroom to get ready.

At 7:20 the two of us wandered down to the cafeteria where we were supposed to be eating breakfast. We were both in a set of cotton shorts that we had brought along with us. For our tops we had a camp t-shirt that had a really cute cheer slogan on it. Both of us were pretty drowsy as we showed a door person the ID tags that had been given to us.

Amy and I filled our trays and then went to find a seat. Rachel, Stephanie, Monica and Emily were already sitting at a table marked as reserved for our squad. We both sat down and began munching on our food. As we all started waking up everyone began looking at the schedules that were in the binders they had given us.

"So the next thing for us is stunts? What all are we going to be doing Emily?" I asked.

"Well we’ll be working basic lifts with two girls holding up one girl, and some basic tosses today." She replied.

"So are you ready to be tossed today?" Monica asked with a semi-evil smile.

"...Me?" I asked.

"Well you and Amy are definitely the smallest girls on our squad." Rachel replied.

"I take it you haven’t been tossed before?" Monica asked.

"No, I can’t say that I have."

"It’s a lot of fun Tiff," Amy said reassuringly.

"I’m sure it will be," I said forcing a smile. My body was going to be getting tossed in the air like rag doll... what had Amy gotten me into?!

Of course they were right. I had hardly grown this past year. I was now 4’3" and had actually lost some weight down to sixty-seven pounds. That had mainly happened because I stopped drinking Cokes when I began thinking I wanted to be a girl... (yeah apparently it is that bad for you...) I was still healthy though and I wasn’t in any danger of starvation.

The conversation continued until Emily announced it was time to leave to go meet Coach Evans and the Eagles in one of the gyms. I was deep in thought when we arrived. Coach Evans had us all sit down in a small row of bleachers on the outside part of the gym floor. Out on the gym floor they had tons of mats down to cushion falls... great! I could be dropped and it would only hurt a little -- instead of a lot!

Coach Evans had the two counselors come out and join several other cheerleaders -- including some guys -- out on the floor. The group demonstrated how to do lifts with two girls on the bottom and one on top, they showed how to get that girl back down safely and catch her, they showed some basic tosses, and all the while I’m thinking ‘how many times am I going to fall/drop before we get this right...?’

When they finished the demonstration she took our squad first and divided us up into five trios. I ended up with Stephanie and Rachel as my two partners. At least I felt like I could trust them. After a lot of stretching, Emily and the other demonstrators began coming around while we practiced. They first worked on making sure that everyone on the bottom was using the proper technique. After that they focused on helping me stand the right way so as not to cause my own problems.

That of course is way harder than it sounds. They dropped me a couple times because they weren’t quite doing the right things. Then they dropped me several times because I lost my balance... yeah... Eventually though after about a half hour of non-stop work we were able to get me up in the air without the ground collisions.

After that they began working on dismounting and the girls catching me. I was fortunate on that one as Stephanie and Rachel had both been doing this a long time. The only reason they had struggled in the beginning was a difference in the way they had been taught. As long as I kept my body the way it was supposed to be they were able to get me down just fine.

Of course about the time I thought we were finally getting it Coach Evans made her way over. "Tiffany come on, you’ve got to keep your body straighter..." Ten minutes later I felt thoroughly stupid again.

I think Rachel and Stephanie realized that she was taking a toll on me. When Coach Evans (I really was beginning to think Coach Eeeevvil) left, they both began reassuring me that I was really doing fine. She was just picking on me for no real good reason. That brought a smile back to my face and we began working again.

After about two hours of this my ankles, butt, and everything else were sorer than I had ever imagined. It looked like Rachel and Stephanie were just as tired. Of course they were the ones doing all of the work -- I was just the one getting dropped.

As we walked to the next thing Rachel and Stephanie were talking with Monica and Katie. They all mentioned how sore they were, but Monica and Katie responded quietly, "Hey at least you have Tiffany -- she doesn’t weigh much at all -- we ended up having to toss Amanda. Not that she’s fat, but she probably outweighs Tiffany by a good thirty pounds!" They all giggled about that as we entered an auditorium for a leadership class.

I had no idea what they were going to be discussing in the leadership classes prior to that day. There was not a single person in my past that would have considered me a leader -- everyone looked down on me far too much. That being said, I actually felt like I had a better idea of why that had always been as I listened to the speaker.

It was an hour of motivational speaking and practice exercises that seemed to fly by very quickly. The speaker was definitely very accomplished at doing her job. I came out of there wondering if maybe I might be able to go into next year in a better position. That lasted until I remembered I wasn’t really a girl -- and everyone at school was going to know it and hate me.

I was actually amazed that I had kept the girls from figuring that out so far today. There had definitely been a lot of personal contact that could have given me away. Fortunately Dr. Reynolds had discussed some ways of keeping my parts out of the way -- I had used every one of them today. It had caused some pain in some ways, but anything was worth it to keep the others from finding out about me!

When we finished up with the leadership presentation each squad was brought up to the stage and told to do one of the cheers from yesterday. The judges all discussed the squads for a few minutes, and then they announced that we were able to eat second. Coach Evans had done some pointing at me after we had gone -- I wondered if I had cost us being first. I put that thought out of my head quickly though since second out of twenty ain’t bad.

I definitely did my best to stop being lightest person at that meal -- I was so hungry! Of course when I looked around, everyone, especially Amanda looked like they were doing the same thing. How could skinny girls eat this much?

After lunch we had a small break and then met up at the meeting place to work on cheers. Emily had a tube of sunscreen that she passed around to all of us. She also made sure that we all had full water bottles before we began since it was so hot that day. Once we had thoroughly slathered on the sunscreen she worked on making sure that we would need to empty the water bottles.

We first spent some time practicing the cheers that we had worked on last night. From there Emily began teaching us all some cheers that she thought could be good for our competition on Saturday. Rachel and Stephanie seemed to have some ideas of their own that they added to hers, and before I knew it we had like fifteen cheers that I had to memorize.

Each girl wrote the cheers down in her notebook -- all vowing not to let any of the other squads see their work. After several hours of work Coach Evans came by to see how we were doing.

She smiled at the cheers that we’d come up with -- I think she thought we were on the right track. As we practiced them she once again seemed to be focusing her attention on me. Coach spent less time on me this time though... I wasn’t sure if that meant I was getting better or she’d written me off as a lost cause.

We finished up at about four and left to go participate in a craft activity. Every team was given butcher paper and told to work on creating some banners for their squad to hang up on Saturday. We definitely had some artistic talent on our team with some of the girls. For my part I just tried to paint something that was recognizable.

By the time we reached dinner I had kind of refreshed my energy level a bit. At least the banners weren’t physical work and weren’t being done out in the hot sun. As we all sat down with our food I was surprised anyone had the energy to talk.

"Tiffany, you’ve never done any of this stuff before?" Rachel asked.

"No. I guess it shows that much?"

"At first, but you really have caught on quickly since then. You’ll be doing it at least as well if not better than a lot of the girls by the end of the week Tiffany."

"You’re doing fine Tiff," Amy said to me. "I think we’re going to have to get you on the squad back home just so we have someone who is actually easier to lift than me," she said with a wink.

The other girls gave her kind of a questioning glance. "There are only two of us on our squad at home that are really liftable, the other girls both too tall and too heavy." She said.

They all nodded. We made it through dinner with the girls telling various stories about the guys at their school. Discussions on how hot or not some of the boys sounded continued for the entire lunch. I just giggled when I was supposed to since I really hadn’t developed any opinions one way or another yet.

After dinner we were given some space in a large dance classroom with mirrors along the wall. Coach Evans was waiting for us when we came in. "Okay ladies, you have one more thing that we’re going to be working really hard on today -- your dance routine."

I was excited and scared at the same time. I had never danced outside of the PE class stuff like line and square dancing. I could even survive the two-step. Would I be able to even come close to keeping up with these girls on this? Amy had tried to help me with some of this before we left -- maybe I wouldn’t be a complete idiot.

That turned out to be wishful thinking very quickly. I was terrible!

About the only thing I could say for myself is at least I was able to feel the beat and move with it. Playing an instrument had helped out with that. I just couldn’t keep up with remembering all of the moves even though I tried incredibly hard. Of course Coach Evans was all over me.

Two Hours. Two Hours of pure-and-total-torture trying to get things right! I figured the rest of the girls must hate me after it was all said and done. About the only thing that could be said for me is that I could finally make it through the routine at a snails pace by the end of the practice.

"Tiffany may I see you for a second?" Coach asked.

Great! More comments on how terrible I was. "Yes Coach?"

"You’re doing better, but you’re going to have to spend some time practicing outside of our practices to get it right. I don’t see any reason why you can’t have it learned by tomorrow’s rehearsal."

"Yes ma’am, I’ll do my best" I replied to her.

With that she left to head over to the stadium ahead of us. The other squad that she was coaching had their rehearsal while we had been doing banners earlier. I wondered how they were doing with their routine -- she had said every team had a different one.

We all walked back to the stadium for another hour of group cheers. That didn’t seem hard compared to the dancing -- and I must have been doing better there because Coach only said like one or two things to me there. When all was said and done at 8:45 we were sent back to our dorms.

Before we left Emily said, "Ladies, go take some time and take a shower and rest up for a little while. I’ll meet you in the lounge for our last activity at 9:30."

There was a chorus of cheers since we were all beyond sweaty at this point. As Amy and I walked back she put her arm around my shoulders, "You’re doing fine Tiff. Coach Evans is just pickier than anyone I’ve ever met. You’ll be fine by Saturday," she said with a smile. What would I do without her?

"Thanks Amy." I said giving her a sweaty hug. When we reached our room Amy called the bathroom first (she was really good at calling things first) and she quickly got in the shower.

While she was in there I heard a knock on the door. I’d been silently practicing the dance routine and so I was even a bit sweatier when I opened the door. "Hey Emily," I said.

"Do you have a moment Tiffany?" She asked me.

"Sure, what’s up?"

"I just wanted to see how you were doing. You had a really hard day today with Coach Evans."

"Yeah, I’m pretty terrible at this aren’t I?" I asked her.

"Tiffany you’re doing fine. If you were on any of the other squads I don’t think Coach Evans would be focusing any of her attention on you. I think this squad is probably one of the strongest here at camp -- so she’s pushing everyone harder because of that. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that if you wanted some help tonight after our last activity I’d be willing to help you out."

"I’ll help too," Amy said behind me, while drying her hair with a towel.

"Thanks, I think I’ll take you up on your offer. But first, I really would like to have a shower!" I told her with a smile.

"Sure Tiff. Do you mind if I call you Tiff? I’ve heard some of the other girls like Amy call you that."

"That’s fine, I go by either." I said while thinking that I really hadn’t gone by either before a month ago...

"Okay go take a shower and I’ll help you out after our last thing tonight." She said as she left the room. I rushed in and out of the shower faster than I normally did so I could give Mom and Dad a call.

I found a pay phone on our floor and used a calling card they had given me to call them. "Hey," I said when Dad picked up the phone.

"Hey, it’s Tiffany," Dad said to Mom. I heard her pick up.

"How are you doing?" Mom asked.

"I’m tired -- this is a lot of work," I told her.

"I bet," Dad said. "Is everything going well though?" he asked.

"Yeah, you can definitely tell that I haven’t done this stuff before -- but I’m catching on quickly. Our squad got second in the challenge this morning to decide who goes to lunch and dinner first," I replied excitedly. I told them about what we had been doing all day and yesterday as quickly as I could before having to go.

"I’ll call you guys again in a couple days, I don’t think I’ll have a chance tomorrow," I told them.

"That’s great Tiffany, we love you, goodnight." They both said to me before I hung up. I got to the lounge with just a minute or so to spare.

I found a seat on the floor next to Amy and Rachel.

"Okay ladies, something that’s always been a tradition in my groups at cheer camp is to have a bedtime story," Emily said with a smile.

"So here it is..." She began to tell a really awesome story with a kid’s picture book. Okay so I felt like I was about three and a half or something, but it was a lot of fun! The only girls who didn’t look like they were enjoying it were the usual suspects. Particularly Amanda looked like she would have liked nothing but to be elsewhere -- but hey the rest of us had fun with it.

We all talked for a few minutes after she was done with her story before we headed back to our rooms to go to sleep. Or, I should say everyone else went back to their rooms to sleep. Amy, Emily, and I put some different clothes on and began working through the routine with me in the lounge for an hour-and-a-half.

By the time I crawled into bed at 11:30 I was so exhausted I didn’t even change my clothes.
 
 
Chapter 7
 
 
AS LIGHT BEGAN to pour into the window of our dorm room Amy prodded me to wake up. "Come on Tiffany, you need to get ready." After about ten minutes of her poking, prodding, and harassing me (in which I wondered if my mom had been giving her lessons) I finally made it into the bathroom. A quick shower was had before heading to breakfast.

We did stunts again that morning -- and for the first half just reviewed everything that we had done the day before. We actually were all doing really well in our squad and I had made considerable progress from the beginning of yesterday. They then began having us come together with our trios to work together then while Amy and I were on top.

The squad they had put together to demonstrate stuff yesterday put on an even greater show today. The coolest things they did we probably wouldn’t be able to do until college. The guys in particular were able to throw Emily a huge distance into the air. As they did that I began wondering what it would be like to be thrown that high -- surely they could easily get me higher right?

We also were given a lot of individual help on jumping. Thankfully this was one area that Amy had already been helping me out at a lot. Rachel was even impressed with how well I was doing on those. Coach Evans just watched me once and walked by.

The morning saw some more leadership training combined with ideas of different events that you could have at school. They discussed what you could do during a spirit week and different themes you could have. It was actually more interesting than I ever would have thought it could be. There was plenty of interaction between all of us and the speaker -- so it really was a lot of fun.

Just before lunch we had the competition for who went first. I was really amazed because we actually won the competition that day. A lot of the girls talked back and forth at lunch that we might actually win the competition at the end of the week!

After lunch we did more work on our cheers and I was quite surprised that I remembered all of them from yesterday. I had guessed that it would take me all of the days just to remember them. Emily pronounced the ‘words good’ and ‘chanting acceptable’, but then said it was time to start adding some stuff to them. Before long the stunts we had been working on were worked into those cheers.

The routines for each cheer weren’t as complicated as the dance routines -- but they weren’t easy either. We drilled all of that non-stop, taking special care for about three of the cheers that we were thinking about using for the competition. Emily said we would have to choose one for the competition, but we wanted to have choices up until that point.

In the last half hour of our session that afternoon Coach Evans came by and didn’t say anything to me. I thought she had decided that I was a lost cause at that point -- but I swore I saw her smile for a second. Must have been the light though because the next thing I knew she was getting onto me for something else.

The second afternoon session was when we worked on our dance routine that day. I arrived at the dance classroom with lots of little butterflies flying around in my stomach. Would the extra practice that I had done last night pay off? I was so tired at this point I hoped it had been worth it.

We started rehearsal by going through the routine at half-speed move by move. I hit every movement of my hands, feet, and body at all of the right times. ‘So far so good,’ I thought to myself. From there we sped everything up another notch. I still hit everything when I was supposed to.

Eventually after speeding it up several more times Coach Evans said, "Okay ladies, with the music this time."

Amazingly we had been practicing it faster than the music -- so it wasn’t quite as hard as it had been. I just kept counting to myself over an over again through our sets, and concentrating so much, that I barely registered the fact that I was in the final pose and we were done.

"Not bad ladies. Several of you..." God she could nitpick at anything! We were soon repeating the dance again and again.

Finally after about the tenth run-through of the routine she came over to me. "Tiffany, smile," she said. "You’ve gotten the moves down, but it won’t do any good if you can’t put a smile on your face and make people think you’re having fun." And with that she walked away. Speaking of smiling couldn’t she do it once in a while?

So in addition to counting, thinking, bending, and contorting my body -- I had to smile. I swear smiling took more concentration than the rest of it combined!

When we got through she had us all sit down in front of her. "Ladies I’m extremely impressed with how quickly you’ve picked this up. I gave you the harder routine of the two I brought with me for this week and you’ve gotten it learned faster than any of the other squads as far as I know. I think you’re going to do very well the day after tomorrow at the competition."

"That doesn’t mean I’m going to let up on you all though -- there are plenty of things we can clean up. I also have a couple ideas that Emily suggested we try out too to make things more interesting. We’ll try them out tomorrow. For now I hope you all enjoy your evening -- you should have a lot of fun."

As we all stood up she pulled me aside. "Tiffany, how much more did you work last night?"

"An hour-and-a-half," I replied.

"It really shows. You are easily one of the hardest working girls that I have ever seen come to this camp. Just make sure that you have fun while you’re doing this too, okay?"

"Yes, ma’am," I replied with a smile. She was actually complimenting me. Amy had stayed by my side during this time. Maybe she wasn’t quite as evil as I thought.

"You’re also doing quite well Amy. You should definitely be a captain at your school your eighth grade year."

"Thanks," she said.

"You two don’t separate from each other much do you?" She asked.

"Not really," we said at the same time.

"Well anyway you both should get going back to your dorm, keep up the good work." She told us.

When we got outside I started skipping and Amy joined in. We stopped and just started to giggle endlessly when we got to our dorm. "Tiffany we seriously have to get you onto our squad at school. I don’t know how we’ll do it -- but I think we have to. You’re doing way too well at all of this stuff for you not to do it."

"Thanks Amy, let’s just see how the year goes. I’m not sure that I’m going to be welcome to walk the hallways at school -- let alone perform as a cheerleader..."

"We’ll make it work somehow Tiff. I’ll always be there for you." She said as we entered our room.

"Shower first," I exclaimed. I giggled with glee. I never won these contests!

"Cheater!" she said with plenty of her own giggling.

I got into the shower and let the water wash all of the sweat and work on some of the pain I was feeling. I couldn’t believe how sore I was after only a couple days. Tonight’s activity was to have a massive pool party with everyone. I was very careful in hiding my parts -- a pool party was definitely an easy place for people to find out about me if I wasn’t cautious. The thought of the other girls finding out my secret was terrifying to say the least.

I got out of the bathroom just wearing my swimsuit -- a one-piece, Mom wouldn’t let me buy a bikini yet (or ever she seemed to think...) -- and asked Amy, "can you see anything?"

She knew what I meant, "No Tiff, there’s nothing I can see."

"Thanks, the bathroom’s all yours then." I told her. While she was taking a shower I put on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt over the top of my swimsuit. She came out fairly quickly with her own one-piece suit on. I think she wore it as moral support for me -- we’d probably be the only two girls in one.

She also put on a pair of shorts and a shirt before we headed down for dinner. It was nice knowing that we were going to be able to relax tonight -- we’d been working so hard non-stop up ‘til now. At dinner we all sat with our squads and enjoyed just talking to people.

Our trip to Florida came up with Katie at one point, "So you actually came out to Orlando for a field trip?" She asked surprised.

"Yeah, it was a lot of fun," I replied.

"I bet it was. Our school would never let sixth graders take a trip that far." She said.

"It was a special program, and only ‘kind of’ sponsored by the school." Amy replied.

"Still that’s really cool. If you two ever come back out there you’ll have to look me up. I only live thirty minutes outside of Orlando."

"It must be cool to live there," I said.

"It’s kind of nice -- I don’t know -- it’s what I’m used to. You guys are lucky enough to get snow; I’ve never seen that before." She said.

"You’ve never seen snow?!?" Amy replied incredulously.

"Neither have I," Christina said. "They have had a couple storms in my home town in Texas a few times... but none while I’ve been alive."

"That’s crazy!" Amy replied. Of course that was going to boggle her mind. She’d grown up with her parents having a condo near a ski resort -- and she had skied her whole life.

The rest of dinner was then made up of conversation on things that some people had never done or seen. It was a lot of fun.

After dinner we all made our way to the pool and had ourselves a massive party with all of the squads. There were a lot of games played between squads, getting to know other girls, and just having fun with loud party music blaring in the background. I was also pleasantly surprised to see that a lot of other girls must have moms like mine -- they were in one-piece suits too.

An hour into the party they shut the music off and all of the girls began doing the group cheers together in the water. It was kind of difficult to do the jumps in the water, but we all gave it our best. We did a couple of other group activities for a half hour or so before we were let loose to do whatever again with the music blaring.

After a couple hours we were all booted out of the pool and sent back to the dorms to relax. Amy and I both rinsed our bodies off real quick in the shower before putting our pajamas on. Out in the lounge Stephanie brought out a set of nail supplies and polish she had brought with her -- quickly all of the girls began working to paint each others nails in our squads’ colors. It was at that point that I thought to ask something I’d been meaning to ask, Emily had just come into the room.

"Hey, does everyone else have the coyote and these colors as their school mascot? Or is it just a coincidence that it matches up with the school Amy and I attend?"

Eight of the other girls actually said that it was the same for them, but the rest didn’t have anything to do with that mascot. Christina actually said, "If I showed up to school wearing the uniform they gave us I would probably be hung from the nearest tree! That’s the uniform our rival school wears."

"They try and match you all up somewhat when they put together the squads. At least trying to match up the mascots -- it’s never perfect though." Emily said.

"Stephanie and I were on this squad last year," Rachel said. "So we both decided to make it a tradition. Of course next year if we come we’ll be in a different camp set -- but hey maybe we can get the same mascot group there."

"That would be cool," Stephanie said.

We worked on each other’s nails for a good hour before Emily said it was time for that night’s story. She told another cute story that made all of us smile, even the unfriendly girls, before we all headed to bed.

As I laid down on my bed I said, "Amy?"

"Yeah Tiffany?"

"Thank you so much for bringing me along with you. I wasn’t honestly sure I was cut out for this kind of stuff, but I’m having a lot of fun."

"No problem Tiff, we’re just going to have to figure out a way to get you on the school team. If nothing else we’ll get you on in April -- you’ll easily beat out the other girls then." She told me.

"I hope so. I just know it’ll be a long fight to get to April..."

"We’ll get through it Tiff, I promise you."

I couldn’t leave it at that, I got up and gave her a hug before laying back down. "’Night Amy."
 
 
Chapter 8
 
 
THE FOURTH DAY passed by far quicker than I could have believed. We worked incredibly hard all day as a squad doing one practice after another. During the stunt practice that morning the college cheer squad asked for a volunteer -- for some strange reason I raised my hand. The college kids looked at all of the hands raised and Coach Evans gave them a nod towards me.

When I got down to where they were they spoke to me for a few minutes on what they wanted me to do. From there they built a massive pyramid -- and had me climb on top! At the top I was held in the air by two girls -- who acted like it was no big deal. It was incredibly cool. When we dismounted from it a couple of the guys caught me. I was really amazed that these guys did cheerleading -- they looked like they could have been varsity wrestlers.

I got a fun surprise then when they lifted me up in the air and tossed me. I wasn’t really expecting to get an opportunity like that -- but as I came down from a lot of height, trusted them to catch me. Thankfully they did!

When I got back with my squad I was absolutely grinning from ear to ear. Amy poked me. "Not fair," she whispered to me. The work didn’t seem as insanely difficult the rest of the day. In fact, I spent most of the time wondering why I’d had trouble smiling the day before.

When all was said and done by the end of the day we had all chosen which cheer routine we were going to perform for the competition. We had also worked up our chant and our dance to a really high level. I hoped that Amy’s mom brought her video camera to record our performances.

The way this camp worked, we would have the initial competition in the morning, and then the top five squads would perform them again in the afternoon. Following that we would have an awards ceremony when they would announce the winners. Parents were welcome to attend the finals and ceremony with their kids if they wanted. Amy’s mom was going to serve as both our ‘moms’ for the event. She already was like that for me most of the time anymore...

Anyway, once the ceremony was done we would move ourselves out of the dorms and we were going to start back home. Amy’s mom had said we would stay in Yuma, Arizona that night. She didn’t want to try and drive all the way home that night, so that seemed like a good spot to stop at.

Amy interrupted my thoughts about the next day while we were eating lunch, "So Tiffany are you ready for the dance tonight?"

"Yeah, I guess." I told her. "It’s kind of sad though since it’s the last night we’ll be here."

"You’re sounding more and more like a girl all the time," she told me quietly.

"Thanks," I replied back to her with a small smile.

With that we went to another practice, followed by yet another practice, before we were given a chance to go shower before dressing up for that night. We both put on our dresses and put makeup on. I had managed to convince mom to let me bring my makeup for this trip on the promise that I would not wear it every day. Really I’d been in no danger of breaking that promise. With as much as we’d been working and sweating, any makeup I could have put on wouldn’t have lasted five minutes anyway.

Tonight and tomorrow weren’t every day though -- so I made myself as pretty as I could.

The two of us worked on our hair together. We’d gotten the same haircut a month before so we decided we’d go as twins with our hair that night. By the time we finished up with our hair, we both pronounced each other as looking cute. A quick look in the mirror made me wonder how many people would assume that we were actually twins!

We both helped each other touch up before going out with our cameras to the lounge. As the other girls came out they all complimented us, and we complimented them. The flashes of cameras were almost constant while we waited for the last couple girls to arrive. As our squad entered the ballroom where they were hosting the event a lot eyes turned towards us. I know I’m biased, but I believe that we were one of the better looking squads there that night.

We had a fun night that finished when we broke into our squads. With the fifteen girls in our squad, Emily, and Coach Evans, we all sat in a circle in a dark quad of the campus. That was kind of awkward given how we were dressed, but we made it work.

All of the lights were off in our vicinity, and Emily brought out a large candle that she lit. "When the candle gets to you share whatever thoughts and memories that you’ve made this week with the group." Emily told us.

She then began to share with us her thoughts, "I’ve been amazed by how quickly you ladies came together. It’s not often that one of the squads at this camp comes together as well as you have. Your hard work has absolutely been inspiring to me. I’d especially like to say to Tiffany I can’t believe how far you’ve come this week. I think that when you get a chance to try out for your squad you’ll be sure to make it." She said stuff to most of the girls before passing it off to Coach Evans.

"Ladies I’m of the same opinion of Emily -- you’ve all been magnificent this week. You’ve bore up to my constant barrage of orders and pickiness. You should all be very proud of yourselves." She gave some comments to each of us -- especially me on my improvement again, before passing it on. Coach Evans then stood up to go to her other squad.

Each girl shared her thoughts in turn, and as it got to me I had to stop crying long enough to speak. "I want to thank everyone for the wonderful time that I’ve had with you. It’s been more fun than I could have ever imagined being here, and I hope that I can return next year with you. We’ll all have to stay in contact so we can let each other know how the others are doing. More than anything I know we’re going to do spectacularly well tomorrow as a squad."

I passed it on to the next girl then and resumed my sniffling and crying. ‘So much for my makeup,’ I thought. When the candle returned to Emily she led us in a squad cheer before extinguishing the candle and leaving us in darkness. We all walked back from there in silence, not really wanting to spoil the memory of camp by talking.

Back in the dorms we began talking about the next day and how we were getting ready for the competition. Our first performance was our chant at 9:25, our cheer routine at 10, and our dance routine was to be at 11. After our cheer routine we were to get our pictures taken by a photography company that would be there.

It was decided that we would all go to breakfast dressed in pajamas at 7:30, then work together on our hair, makeup, and warm-up till 9 when we would be in position to perform. Emily gave us some suggestions and tips and after we heard one more story she said, "Technically the camp is okay with you all staying up till midnight tonight, but I’d really recommend that you go to bed now so you’re better rested for tomorrow." It was 10:15 at that point.

We all looked at each other and silently agreed that was a good idea. The squad wanted to not only go into the competition and do well -- we wanted to win. All of us quickly headed for bed and forced ourselves to sleep. It wasn’t easy that night.

WE WOKE UP as planned and met at breakfast in our pajamas. Amy and I brought our cameras to breakfast and took several shots of everyone there. Emily pushed us to eat quickly so we could get back and get ready.

From there on the morning up to our first event was a complete and total blur. The next thing I knew it was almost nine and we were taking photos of ourselves in our uniforms. All of our hair was put up into high pony-tails and tied with two ribbons matching our colors. Emily had gotten the ribbon sometime over the past week for us, and we all thanked her.

Rachel and Emily went to work at making everyone have the right look of makeup for the day. It was really exaggerated from anything I had done before -- they told me it was so our facial expressions would stand out. For the most part I didn’t mind, we all looked pretty, but I would never wear it like this normally.

At 9:25 we marched onto the track of the stadium for our chant performance. It was kind of terrifying in a way to be in front of the judges and a huge crowd of family members. I guessed there were probably six to eight hundred people in the stands. I tried not to let that make me nervous though.

We took our spots on the track and Rachel led us in our chant. This morning we had elected her our team captain and she now bore a C on the uniform she had. Like the snap of a set of fingers it was over and we were heading off to prepare for our next performance. The audience had really gotten into our cheer, and had cheered loudly for us, but they were probably doing that for everyone I figured.

After running through the moves in our cheer routine we gathered together for a pep talk from Emily and Coach Evans. They both said we had done very well so far and we just needed to keep it up. Soon after that we were doing our cheer routine.

As we began clapping our hands and yelling together I made sure that I moved me hands to my sides, out, etc. at all the right times. The end of our routine called for a daring move to do two 3 level pyramids. I was on the top of one pyramid while Amy was on top of the other.

The squad before us had dropped a girl trying to do the same thing... I was really hoping it wouldn’t be like that for me. As we held our last pose in that position Rachel tumbled down the track in front of the pyramid. The stadium erupted in applause as we finished. I saw a number of them stand while doing so -- I just kind of blushed. As we jumped down off the pyramid I was happy to not have fallen and broken anything! We ran as a team back towards the one of the end zones.

Amy came over to me, "That was awesome Tiffany," she said giving me a hug.

I squealed and said, "yeah, that was great!"

"Too bad we’ll never be able to pull that one off at school." She said.

All of us kept congratulating each other and were led by Emily to a spot outside where they were taking our pictures. Each of us had our pictures taken both individually and as a group after checking to make sure we still looked alright. Amy ended up redoing my ponytail since it had shifted a little when we dismounted from the pyramid.

The company taking the pictures gave us an order form to send them to buy the pictures when we got home. They told us we could also come back after the preliminary round to have our parents pay. I wondered if Amy’s mom would be willing to get me a package... What am I asking? She’d probably already have it done by the time we found her.

From there we began huddling as a group and talking about the last portion of the preliminary competition. Coach Evans told us it was going to be the last stage for us making it into the finals -- if we nailed this we should be in the Final Five for the afternoon performance.

"Come on ladies, you can do it!" Emily told us as we got ready to line up to go back into the stadium for our final performance. We all gathered together and put our hands together and did a final chant before marching out for our dance routine.

The dance routine that we had worked on had been designed specifically for performing on the football field. We came on from the rear part of the football field towards the stands that seemed fuller than the last time we had been in there. When we got to our marks all of us put our hands out to our sides with pom-poms in each, our heads down, and waited for the music to start.

In what seemed both an eternity, and a really short amount of time, I heard the opening beats to our routine start up. I was completely on autopilot as I put my hands where they were supposed to be on each count, jumping, moving, everything as we had been taught. In my head I counted the moves as we had done again and again over the past few days: and then it was done.

From our ending, a frozen pose, we moved together off of the field and went into the stands to watch the last couple groups and relax.

As we sat down Amy’s mom came up to us and gave us both a big hug, "Amy, Tiffany your squad did great!"

"Thanks," we both told her.

At that point we both spent about ten minutes talking non-stop. One of us would say one thing and the other would finish the idea. I think the chances of her having understood anything from us right then were almost nil! We introduced her to all of our new friends as ‘Amy’s mom -- but she claims me too!’ It was a lot of fun.

She sat with us and watched the last four squads perform their routines. Amy and I both were really hoping that we had done well enough -- one of the squads we saw was really good... I wasn’t sure if we honestly could compete with them or not.

"Ladies and Gentlemen thank you for attending today’s preliminary performance. At this time all of the participants need to report to the track for the preliminary awards ceremony."

We all filed back down and proceeded to participate in a short procession onto the field to the spots we stood in during our night sessions. The beginning of the ceremony was opened with all of us doing two of our group cheers together. Amy’s mom captured that event on video tape -- it was s-o-o awesome!

Mrs. Harding spoke over the stadium’s sound system, "I would first of all like to congratulate all of the squads that performed today; it is not easy to come together in this little time to perform like they have! Before we announce the finalists please give a hand for each of these squads..."

"The Coyotes!..." We all jumped in the air and cheered...

"And the Wolverines, please give a hand for all of these fantastic girls!" Again everyone together jumped up and cheered.

A few moments later the field became silent and Mrs. Harding said, "And now I would like to announce the finalists for today’s competition. These squads will perform their three events again in the finals. The squads are in no particular order: The Badgers, The Wolverines, The Coyotes..." That was the last of that part I heard as we all began jumping, cheering, and hugging each other before we were shushed by Emily and told to get back in position.

"The finalists need to be ready to perform again at 2pm. They will have a meeting with their coaches at 1:30 to prepare. At the conclusion of the finals performance..." she proceeded to explain that we would have a couple exhibition performances by some cheer squads, and then they would announce the individual awards for the camp before the places.

When we came off the field we all went to the cafeteria together, picking up families of all of the girls on the way over. As we ate together there was a lot of tension in the air -- we were all really nervous. Sure we had made the finals, but we wanted to be the best! I didn’t really care about the individual awards -- there was no way that I was going to be named outstanding cheerleader or anything like that.

Rachel had participated in a jump competition the day before, and Stephanie had done a tumbling competition as well. Those were separate events and we were all hoping that they had done really well. None of us ate much at lunch, even though all of the parents (including Amy’s mom), were trying to force us to eat.

At 1:30 we met Coach Evans on an end zone where she had told us to meet her. She then led us to a spot away from the stadium to prepare.

"Okay ladies, I was very impressed with how well you performed. I picked up the judges comments and you were ranked second behind the Wolverines by about three points."

We all kind of steamed on that for a few moments. She chose to let it sit there and simmer -- she wanted it to push us to step up at the finals.

"So I think we need to make up more than those three points -- they’re definitely going to try and do better than they did this time. So you’re going to have to not only earn three more points, but I would guess another seven points more. This is how I think we can do it..." she proceeded to tell us all of the things we had done wrong over that morning. She read the list of things the judges has knocked us on.

We all stood together and began going through a few of the motions that had been an issue. Our squad was the second to last to perform on all of the events -- so we had a little bit more time to work. This time instead of doing the chant and then leaving, we performed the chant and went straight into our cheer. Both of those events went off better than I had ever done them -- I didn’t know about everyone else -- but I knew I had improved.

About twenty minutes later we were back on the field repeating our dance routine. The feeling I had when we completed it was like no other I had ever felt. I knew I had done my best -- there had been no more to give. Standing there in our final pose, I could feel the tears that were welling up and trying to escape my eyes. I was so proud of how I had done -- and how the squad had done -- but so scared to see what the judges had to say...

We took a spot on the side of the field while the last cheer squad did their dance. As I watched them I could see why they had placed lower than us in the prelims, and fully believed that we were still going to be ahead of them. If nothing else we shouldn’t come in last I thought!

The only thing left before the awards ceremony was the exhibition performances. There were three squads that performed; the reigning national high school champions (who were from one of the local schools), a squad of our counselors, and the university’s well renowned squad.

All three of their performances were absolutely stunning. We had watched them do some cool stuff this past week, but they outdid every single thing at this performance. The stunts and dancing they demonstrated were incredible! It left me with a feeling that I wanted to be able to be that good more than anything else.

The exhibition performances were over after a half-hour and it was time to start the rest of the ceremonies.
 
 
Chapter 9
 
 
OUR SQUADS WERE lined back up on the field, and all of the rest of the girls were seated together by their squads in the stands -- it was a sea of color. Up there they were chatting away completely unconcerned about what our fates were down on the field. It was basically over for most of them -- there might be some individuals that would still have a chance for awards -- but their squads were done.

That was in stark contrast to the sound on the field: silent. I don’t think some of the girls on the field had ever shut up before... I know Amy and I rarely did. Mrs. Harding stepped up to a microphone that was now connected so she could speak from the field.

"Ladies and Gentlemen to conclude our camp we would like to present awards to both individuals and to squads for their fantastic work this week! We’ll start first with the individual awards..."

I was kind of tuning out the awards a bit at that point -- that was until Rachel won the Jump competition, and Stephanie was the runner-up in the tumbling competition. We all cheered loudly for them and I started to go right back to just standing and tuning stuff out.

"And now we have three final awards to give, outstanding cheerleader, outstanding captain, and most improved cheerleader. We’ll start with the last award first. This young lady’s coach wrote, ‘when she first arrived here she was completely green with no experience. She seemed to be struggling through every little thing. I had my doubts that she would manage to be ready for the competition today. However, she worked longer and harder than any girl I’ve ever seen at this camp -- earning the respect of her squad and myself by learning her routines as well as anyone.’"

"This award comes with a $500 scholarship for a college of this young lady’s choice. That young lady is.... Tiffany Jacobson!!!"

I stood there in shock as my eyes went wide... Me? Amy prodded me to go up to the front where they had a small trophy and an envelope for me. I stopped to pose with Mrs. Harding and Coach Evans while holding them, and then proceeded to hug Coach Evans and saying thank you over and over again. Everything was all blurry from the tears flowing down my face. Who would have thought I would win an award this week?

As I got back to my squad I received tons of hugs before we got back into our lines. The rest of the awards went to girls that we didn’t know -- or at least I didn’t know -- and she moved onto the part that we cared about.

"And now ladies and gentlemen we will conclude today with the results of our final competition. In Fifth Place, The Badgers!" Their squad jumped up and down and they all ran up to grab the trophies for each girl. "In Fourth Place, the Spartans!"

"In Third Place, the Wildcats!"

"In Second Place..." This would be the moment... had we improved or had we stayed in Second place? "The Wolverines!" there was ever so slight a pause, then over the roar of the crowd, "And our champions are The Coyotes!!"

We were all completely ecstatic and showing it by doing jumps in the air. Some of the girls began tumbling -- all of us were screaming -- before rushing up to grab our trophies and fall back in. We were finding it impossible to stand still!

"Thank you all for attending our camp this year -- we hope to see you again next year!" She said as we all began hugging each other over and over again. We had parents that came on the field to take pictures of us with our trophies and a medal that we had all gotten (I actually had two trophies and an envelope -- I had no idea what to do with the envelope).

Amy’s mom was no exception to the other parents; she took a dozen pictures of us all together, and then another dozen of Amy and me together. As she was switching rolls of film Coach Evans walked up to us.

"Congratulations you two," she said with a smile and hugged us both. "Tiffany I hope you keep working on your skills -- you honestly should be able to keep up with any normal squad at this point for tryouts. Anyway, I have something I wanted to give you real quick," she said handing me a large manila envelope.

I opened it up and there were three 8x10 pictures in there of me; one on top of the pyramid with the demonstration squad, one with me in the air on the really high toss, and another with that group. They were really neat shots. I was certain Mom would be putting them up on the wall at home! "Thank you Coach," I told her.

"No problem. Congratulations again Tiffany, I hope to see you next year!" She said goodbye to Amy’s mom as well real quick before walking away.

When she left, Amy’s mom took more individual pictures of Amy and me. After she had finished another roll we went to the dorm to get all of our stuff moved out.

"Umm... Melanie?" remembering that she had asked me to call her that instead of Mrs. Hancock.

"Yes Tiffany?" She asked smiling back at me as we were walking back there..

"Do you have a cell phone?" I asked.

"Yes I do sweetie. Would you like to call your parents and tell them how you did?" She asked.

"May I, I promise to be short with the call..."

"Absolutely sweetie! Then Amy you need to call your dad and let him know too."

"Kay mom," Amy replied.

I was handed her cell phone and began to dial to talk to my parents. It rang twice and mom picked up, "Hello?"

"Mommy! You’ll never guess what happened today?"

"Hold on a sec honey," I heard her put the phone down in her hand and yell, ‘Joe, Tiffany’s on,’

"Hey sweetie!" Dad said on the other end,

"Hey!!! You’ll never guess what happened!!!" I said excitedly, "I won the most improved cheerleader award at camp!!!"

"That’s great sweetie," Mom said.

"Yes, sweetie that’s fantastic!" Dad said.

"And that’s not all! So I got a trophy for the award right? But I also got a $500 scholarship to any college I want later on."

"Wow that’s cool Tiffany," Dad replied.

"And, our squad also won first place at the competition today!" I told them.

"You have had a really good time haven’t you?" Mom asked.

"Yeah I have. I can’t wait to show you the trophies and my uniform and everything else!" I said it all so quickly I’d be surprised if my parents caught even half of it.

"We can’t wait to see them sweetie." Mom said.

"Are you on Amy’s mom’s cell phone?" Dad asked.

"Yeah, I should probably get off it. But I was so excited I wanted you to know!" I replied to them.

"That’s great sweetie, we’ll see you tomorrow," Mom said.

"I love you guys," I told them. There were the usual replies of ‘we love you too,’ as I hung up.

By the time I hung up we had reached the dorm and Amy called her dad. I was really surprised when she called him the first thing that she said was ‘you’ll never guess what happened! Tiffany won the most improved...’ Our winning First Place as a squad was her second thing. She really did care about me as a friend.

Her dad was really excited for us both and actually asked her to hand me the phone so he could congratulate me. We talked briefly before handing the phone to her mom. They discussed us leaving and then she hung up.

After that we had the hard work of moving all of our stuff down to her car. It took several trips and we switched clothes to a set of cheerleading shirts that her mom had bought for us from the camp while we had been performing in the morning. They were really cute! With those and a pair of shorts we climbed into her car and began driving towards home.

The two of us talked endlessly to her mom as we got on the road and drove towards Yuma where we were going to stay the night. A couple hours into the trip she pulled over at a Cracker Barrel for us to eat dinner. The hostess said we had about a thirty minute wait, something her mom assured me was worth it, and we began shopping after a bathroom break.

There were a lot of cool knickknacks in the store. Amy and I ended up picking up a couple of car games and a bunch of different candy before we were called. "Melanie, party of three?"

The waitress had menus and led us over to a table. Amy and I looked through the menu for a few minutes and began playing with the peg game on the table when the waitress came up to us. "Hi I’m Jennifer and I’ll be serving you. What would you like to drink?"

We told her our drink orders and she went back for them.

"So you’re both cheerleaders?" She asked us.

"We’re just coming back from a cheer camp," I said. "I’m not on the school’s squad yet -- I’m hoping maybe next year. Amy’s on the squad though."

"That’s cool. I really like those shirts," she said before going away.

I wondered at that point, ‘if I could actually become a cheerleader if it would help me?’ It would certainly help raise my status. As we sat there at dinner I just talked with Amy and her mom and only thought about how fun the last week had been. No one had known me -- and no one had any idea that I was a boy, at least physically. I was really fortunate I had managed to keep that from everyone...

After dinner we returned to the car and began driving some more. Amy and I played one of the car games for a little bit -- but fell asleep for the rest of the trip. We were woken up by her mom long enough to check into the hotel, change into our pajamas, and fall asleep in bed.

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To Be Continued...

 
Synopsis

In many ways Tiffany is the newest girl in her small community near Albuquerque, New Mexico. In the whirlwind of the last few weeks she has emerged from the shell of a scared and confused little boy named Brandon. Ever since Tiffany's parents confirmed with her their suspicions of her deepest wants and needs, they've supported her completely. With solid support from her family, her best friend and family and surprisingly, her growing circle of other friends it seems she might have a chance for a successful future.

'Can all this last?' is one of the biggest questions on her mind now. 'Will everyone stick with me when things get tough?' She's had an amazingly easy last couple weeks and she knows it won't last. What will happen when she returns to school? And most importantly, what will her psychiatrist decide? Will her doctor force her to return to living the lie as Brandon? These fears and more whirl in her mind as she looks to an uncertain future.

Daring to Hope is the continuing story of a bright, talented, and beautiful girl, who dares to hope for a future that is one based on happy dreams.

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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

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The Legal Stuff: Daring to Hope  © 2008 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2008 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
 
Last month I finally got around to publishing the first book of this trilogy, Standing Up to Life here at BigCloset. I had been delayed in publishing it there while trying to get it also published by Lulu.com. Well it’s taken me a bit longer on this book to get it up here as well, but here it is!

Like the first book I posted here, I am posting a standard copy of this here at BigCloset, and announcing that I have two versions available for purchasing through My Store at Lulu.com. Back by popular demand is the ebook download of the book. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be most interested in this edition of the book. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it from my store($3.00 for the ebook). I also have a hardback edition that is available, and will work on making a paperback edition available as well here in the coming weeks. With both the paperback and hardback editions I hope to have them available through Amazon.com in a couple months as well, and will offer to have Erin sell it through her Amazon page at that time.

Thank you to all of you, my amazing readers! Your comments have kept me going through some times when I thought I would never be able to write or edit another minute! Speaking of editing, thanks to my amazing editor, Carla Ann, for helping me out with this large work. Now that this project is coming to a close I hope to be able to focus solely on Book 3, and have that ready for you all this summer. Since it is the concluding book of the series I wish to be sure that it’s done right. Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy this book!

     -Tiffany Shar

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Chapter 10
 
 
THE NEXT DAY Amy and I dressed comfortably for the trip home. Though we talked quite a bit, we also slept a decent amount too. I think Amy’s mom appreciated that since we weren’t asking for restroom breaks as often when we were asleep! We got into our hometown about 4:45 and pulled up to my house at 5.

My parents came out to meet me — and each received a gigantic hug from me. When we separated Mom went over to Amy’s mom to talk to her for a few moments. In the meantime Dad and I grabbed my bags out of the trunk. Once those were in the house I got my two trophies and some other things from the backseat.

“See Mommy? Daddy?” I showed them the two trophies. Both of them had a cheerleader on top with pompoms.

“Wow,” Dad said genuinely admiring them. Other than a small trophy I had won in a Cub Scout group, I had never brought home a trophy before in my life.

“Congratulations sweetie,” Mom said giving me another hug.

“Do you guys want to come over tonight and watch the video of their performance?” Amy’s mom asked my parents.

“Umm… I wouldn’t want to impose on you guys with as tired as you all are.” Dad said.

“No imposition at all, I know you would love to see the video — and that way Greg can see it at the same time too.”

“Well I suppose we could come over. What time?” Mom asked.

“How about 7:30?” She suggested

“Sounds good,” Dad said. From there we said our goodbyes until then and I entered the house. I walked back to my room with a load of stuff and got ready to open the door to my room. As I got ready to open it I saw they had put a cute sign on my door with letters that said ‘Tiffany’ on the door. I opened it up and couldn’t believe what I saw.

I stood there in shock, Mom and Dad had completely redone my room while I had been gone! I screamed with delight!

“Sweetie don’t you like it?” My dad asked very concerned.

I stepped inside to have a better look before turning around and jumping up onto him, “I love it Daddy!” I hugged him really hard and then moved onto mom.

“Thanks Mommy!” I told her with a hug.

“You’re welcome sweetie.” She replied.

I couldn’t believe what they had done with my room. My bunk beds were gone — replaced by a white day bed. I could see a trundle underneath the bed — so I knew that I would still have space for Amy to stay over — that was a must! The room itself had been repainted with a medium purple color for the main walls, with a lighter lavender trim, white ceiling, and the same lavender for the curtains on the windows.

They had put in a white dressing table that had a comfy looking chair in front of it so I could sit and do my hair or makeup. They had also replaced the old dresser I’d had with a new one that was also white. My bed was made with a quilted comforter that had pinks and purples in it.

All-in-all it was my dream bedroom! They had done it in such a way that it was very girly — but it wasn’t like a nursery set of colors. I loved it! Before I’d left I had said something about wanting to get rid of the white walls that had been there before — but never in a million years would I have dreamed they would have remodeled the room while I was gone.

“Thank you guys! How did you afford all of this?” I asked my parents.

“Well we dipped a little into the earnings of your project, but also your grandparents pitched in some money too. They also came and helped us paint a couple days ago.”

“Wow! Thank you so much,” I said giving them another hug.

“You’re very welcome sweetie. Now let’s work on getting your bags unpacked and your dirty clothes in the laundry.”

“Okay.” I told her.

We began unpacking my bags and Mom looked at my cheer uniform the camp had given me with astonishment. “Wow! I can’t believe the camp bought one of these for each of you.”

“Well Amy’s mom said something about they should for the price… Do you know how much it cost by chance?” Her parents had been the ones that had paid for it.

“No, but I’m guessing from what I was able to gather that it was about $1400.”

My jaw dropped. I had no idea that it was that much money. I couldn’t believe that her parents were willing to spend that on someone who wasn’t their daughter. “Whoa… I had no idea.”

“We’ll work on getting a thank you card done for them today before we go over, okay?” Mom suggested.

“Okay,” I replied. We hung that uniform on a hanger up in my closet — I honestly didn’t think I’d ever be able to wear it again… too bad.

We continued to unpack my stuff out of the bags. She oohed and awed at the other shirts and outfits that I’d received over the week. The shirt that Amy’s mom had bought us yesterday was especially one that she liked. Between the two of us we got a load of laundry started and then I remembered the pictures of me with the college guys and girls.

I got the envelope and showed the pictures to Mom and Dad as we sat down to eat some fast food he’d picked up for us.

“Umm… Was this safe?” Mom asked with a concerned voice.

“There were mats on the ground — and the guys that tossed me have been doing this for a long time — I trusted them.” I told her. “Just look at their muscles! I watched them toss a couple of the college girls earlier on in the week up a long ways. They were able to toss me even better since I weigh less!” I said with a smile.

“So you were one of the girls being lifted and tossed this week?” Dad asked.

I nodded, “Amy and I both were. I had a lot of fun doing it — although I was kind of scared at first…” I rambled on to them about the trip and everyone on it all the way ‘til it was time to go over to Amy’s.

We arrived at her house and she grabbed me, “You have to see this Tiff!” We went up to her room and I saw her dad had repainted it to basically the same as mine had…

“Whoa this looks exactly like what my parents did with my room at home!” I told her.

“Really?”

“Yeah it’s almost exactly the same; the colors are a little different but not much.”

“Come here then, you have to see the other thing Daddy did while we were gone.” She led me down the hall and into the guest bedroom. It was also redone the same way — and I instantly knew that they were giving me my own room at their house.

“Mine?” I asked Amy.

“Anytime you want to stay over,” a different voice — Amy’s dad — said.

I gave him a big hug. “You didn’t have to do this Mr. Hancock,” I told him.

“No, but you stay over often enough that we might as well have another room for you.” He told me returning the hug. I was crying at this point. A year ago I didn’t have a single close friend, and now I had one of the best friends I could have ever had, and her parents thought of me as their daughter… what a strange turn of events.

“You’ll have to break it in some time this next week,” Amy said.

“Yeah, though it kind of takes the fun out of staying up all night talking to you.” I told her.

She whispered back, “I think that’s why they did it — maybe we won’t stay up all night talking this way.”

I giggled, I think she was right. We all went back downstairs to the living room and her dad started up the video from our finals performance. Her mom had done a really good job of videotaping the performance — she’d used a tripod and managed to get us without only getting us.

My parents had a whole new level of respect for how I had earned my individual award after watching the video. “You both were really good,” Mom said to us. I had to agree, I hadn’t been able to watch myself in action before — I wasn’t bad now. And our squad had really done fantastic. My favorite part to watch was definitely our dance routine.

“Thanks!” Amy and I replied.

“We’ll have to get everyone’s pictures developed this week and have another scrapbooking session soon.” Amy’s mom suggested.

“Definitely!” I said.

They had copied the performance onto a VHS tape already so we could show it to my grandparents — not to mention have it for showing other people or watching myself down the road.

I went home and slept very soundly in my new bed — surrounded by a room that matched how I felt about myself.
 
 
Chapter 11
 
 
THE NEXT DAY Mom and I took my pictures to get developed. I had some really cute camp ones of all of us — especially Amy — that we put into the scrapbooks together. I stayed a couple of nights at her house later on that week before Mom made me come home.

She enticed me by saying she wanted to go shopping with me the next day — what can I say? Shopping is a powerful motivator!

That morning we woke up early enough to hit the malls right when they opened. Mom and I shopped at the malls for most of the day before returning home with a large haul for school this next year. It was a little on the early side for school shopping… but Mom and I couldn’t resist buying a lot of the stuff.

We had a fun day that day — bonding some more as mother/daughter — something we needed to do. Mom had always liked shopping — as Brandon I had wanted nothing to do with it. I don’t know why as Tiffany I liked it so much better… It really didn’t make sense. But I guess it was the variety of things that I could indulge myself in trying on.

A few days after that, I found myself talking to my psychiatrist about all sorts of things like this. “Tiffany I’m definitely thinking that you going to school as Tiffany is going to be inevitable at this point. Because of that, I want to start working on preparing you for what you’re going to experience.”

“What do you mean?” I asked her.

“Well, I want to start role playing some different situations with you.”

“Okay. Like what?”

“Well let’s begin with this one: It’s the first day back at school. You arrive and within a few minutes someone looks at you closely and realizes that you’re Brandon wearing girls clothes. Let’s say it’s one of the boys who used to pick on you before this, and he says ‘look at that fag!’ What do you do?”

That question laid waste to a lot of safety and comfort I’d been feeling… This was so likely to happen I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t believe that she would use that language though. “Umm… I guess walk away and cry when I get home?”

“What if he won’t let you walk away, what if he comes around the other side and pins you against a wall?”

“At that point scream for help?”

“But what if you can’t get help?”

“I… I… I don’t… I don’t know…” I know it doesn’t seem like a major thing to have this question posed to you… but this was my second worst nightmare that she was bringing up. Something very similar had even happened to me before. “I guess I could knee him in the groin?”

“That’s not a bad answer for safety sake, but how can we keep it from escalating to there already?”

“I don’t know. If you’re so smart you tell me!” I told her. I was in tears… I’d never felt hostile intentions from her before — but now I was beginning to get scared of her. Being the psychiatrist she of course knew this.

“Tiffany,” she said a couple times before I paid attention to her. “Tiffany, I’m not doing this to hurt you — I’m doing this to prepare you.”

I sniffled and nodded.

“You have to understand that I can’t believe the trip didn’t completely turn into a disaster when your parents let you get your ears pierced, and then come out to everyone. In nine out of ten cases you would have been at least verbally assaulted, if not physically. The crime rates against girls like you are very high. I’m not trying to scare you, but I want you to be prepared for when, not if, you face these situations.” She said while handing me a tissue and putting her arm around me.

I nodded again.

“So let’s talk through some different options here to keep this from happening okay?” She said tenderly.

“Okay,” I said in a shaky voice, still very nervous and unbalanced.

“So what could we do to keep him from ever getting to the point where he can pin you down?” She asked.

“Well on the first day… never leave some of my friends sides?” I suggested.

“That isn’t a bad approach. There is a lot of safety in numbers. Could you have done something in a response to deflect his comment instead of just walking away?”

“Like what?”

“Well, how about…” we went through situation after situation for a good hour.

In those situations she posed anything from me being called things to good friends like Amy betraying me… That wasn’t possible I swore — but it planted a seed of doubt that I knew shouldn’t be there. I knew as soon as I got home I’d be talking to Amy on the phone about this — I didn’t want to mention that part though.

When we finished Dr. Reynolds called for my mom to come into the office to join me there. “Okay Mrs. Jacobson please have a seat.” She said directing her to a seat next to me. “Today Tiffany and I talked through a lot of situations that she might run into once school starts. Some of them were likely, some of them were unlikely. Honestly we don’t know for sure how things are going to go when she starts school back up in August.”

“Okay, I guess that makes sense,” Mom replied.

“I didn’t do any of it for the sake of making you uncomfortable Tiffany, but I think if we do some more of this role playing it’ll help you to adapt better. I think if nothing else you’ve learned a couple of different responses that weren’t in your toolkit before this.” She said.

I nodded, trying not to start crying again — she’d gotten me genuinely worried about what was coming. Everything had been going well enough this summer that I’d kind of managed to keep it from being an immediate threat — that security was gone now. I wanted to be mad at her for what she’d put me through — but she was right, I needed to think about those situations. I just didn’t want to…

Mom looked at me with some concern as Dr. Reynolds continued on. “Anyway, I want to do some more of this for a couple of sessions before school starts. At the next session do you think it would be possible for your husband to join us here?” She asked Mom.

“If he needs to be here he’ll be here.” Mom answered. I hoped that was true.

“Good, then I will also have Dr. Wilmer attend this meeting with us too. He’s the endocrinologist that I want to work with her as we progress through the year.”

“Are you already thinking of hormones?” Mom asked, she seemed kind of surprised.

“Not exactly, I just want to go ahead and talk about delaying puberty from hitting yet. I want to wait a bit — but it’ll be more difficult for her if her voice starts changing lower. This’ll save her from having that happening until we’re certain of what we need to do.” She answered.

“You’re pretty sure that everything is still going along the same route?” Mom asked her.

“Yes, especially since she went on that trip with Amy to the cheer camp. That’s cemented a lot of my thoughts on her treatment.” She told mom.

“So what else is next?” Mom asked.

“Well like I said I want to meet with her next week with your husband. Again two weeks after that, and again the last week before school starts. From there I want to meet with her at least one time that first week of school and continue that for a while.” Mom and I were both stunned at the number of times she wanted to meet with me.

She must have seen that because she then continued, “Honestly this is going to be an incredibly difficult time and I want to make sure that Tiffany has someone talking to her about the issues that are going to come up daily.”

“That seems alright,” I told Mom.

We talked some more together as mother and daughter with Dr. Reynolds before leaving that session. I just sat in silence on the way home that night — my feeling of comfort that had been building up through the camp had suddenly come crashing down. How bad would it get this year?

As soon as I got home I called Amy. “Amy it was awful. I’m so scared now,” I told her.

“Why don’t I get Mom to let me stay the night at your house and we’ll talk there?” Amy suggested.

“Okay,” I said. I really needed a friend at this point. It was set up pretty quick and Amy came over to spend the night. When she got there we went for a walk away from my parents down to a nearby park. We sat down at the top of a piece of wooden playground equipment next to a slide.

“So what exactly happened?” Amy asked.

“She kept ‘role playing’ a whole bunch of different situations. I guess the ones that she did with me having problems with some of the people made sense — they’ll probably really happen. They bothered me, but not as much as the last one,” I said nearly in tears.

Amy’s a bright girl so she guessed, “Did they involve me turning on you?”

I nodded, the tears starting to form in my eyes “Amy I don’t believe you would ever do that — but just thinking about it freaks me out.”

She gave me a hug and said, “Tiffany, don’t worry it won’t happen. I would never do anything to hurt you, you have to believe me on that.”

I nodded, “I do, I guess I’m being silly aren’t I?”

“No, it sounds like Dr. Reynolds was being really hard on you today. Look, I’m not going to say kids are all going to be nice to you — ‘cause they’re not, they’re not even all nice to me! But, you can count on me, you can count on Nikki, Ashley, and I think most of the people on the trip. I was kind of surprised by Kyle, but I think he’ll stick by you — that means you’ve got some of the other guys too. You’ll be fine Tiff, we won’t let anything happen to you.” She told me.

We eventually began walking back home since the sky was beginning to darken. “Besides Tiff, they can’t get much worse than what it was at the beginning of last year can they?”

I made her knock on the bark of a tree we were passing… I hoped that those words wouldn’t haunt me next year.

AS WE WALKED back to my house I was surprised to see that Amy’s parents were there. I hoped that didn’t mean that Amy would have to go home… she was supposed to stay tonight for the first time on the trundle bed. I was really looking forward to having a friend over for the first time in my remodeled room.

When we walked in the door Amy asked the obvious question, “Mommy, Daddy, why are you guys here?”

“Hey Amy, we got a phone call at home a bit ago and wanted to go ahead and tell you girls about it.” Amy’s mom said. As she said that I saw headlights reflect off the window beside me. Ashley and her parents were in the car — a second later I saw Nikki and her parents pull up.

I instantly guessed it must have something to do with our film that we made… I didn’t know what though.

“So are you going to tell us what?” Amy asked her dad.

“I’ll tell you all at once,” he said. He smiled with that look like he was enjoying making her wait.

When everyone got to the door I opened it up and my parents scrambled for enough places for all of the adults to sit. Of course no one cared about us, so I ended up sitting on the floor — glad that I was wearing shorts today. It would have been more challenging in the skirt I’d worn the day before.

Once everyone was seated Amy’s dad said, “Okay, so I’m sure you all know that this has to do with their film?” He paused. “Well I received a call tonight from my friend at Mattel, and they had some interesting news for you ladies.”

“What did he say?” I asked him. What I was amused by was Amy saying the same thing next to me. We both giggled.

“Well, there’s a film festival in the third weekend of September that has accepted your film as an entry.”

“Cool.” Nikki said.

“Yeah, that sounds really neat. Where is it?” Ashley asked.

“It’s going to be in New York City, and they’re going to pay for all of us to fly out there to be at the premiere.”

“Awesome,” Amy said.

“Is it going to do anything else for them?” Nikki’s mom asked.

“Who knows? They will be in the run for some scholarship money in the youth category that they’re in. If nothing else it’ll be a free trip to New York for everyone — they’re even paying for the hotel.” He answered.

“How many days are we talking?” Dad asked, he would need to take off work — he didn’t have a lot of time left at this point this year.

“It’s going to show on a Friday afternoon, so they were talking about flying us out Thursday and sending us back Sunday.”

“I think I can swing that at work,” Dad told Mom.

We spent some time talking about some of the details he had been given — with a promise that he would talk to everyone when he got the final stuff. As we were wrapping up Ashley’s dad asked me, “Tiffany, do you want to send them another copy with the credits updated?”

“What do you… Oh right.” I didn’t even think about the fact that my name was still listed as Brandon on the credits. “Can we do that easily?” I asked him. “I had to send the master to Mattel when we got the money in May.”

“We’ll work something out.” He then started talking to Amy’s dad about that and they promised me they would call Mattel tomorrow about that and make arrangements.

As our parents kept talking, the four of us disappeared into my room for a bit. There I showed Ashley and Nikki the trophies that I’d gotten on our trip. I didn’t want to brag about myself… but I had to show them, right? Ashley and Nikki left with their parents after a bit, but Amy’s parents stuck around to talk to mine. Before they left we showed them my room. Everyone was amused by how similar our rooms had turned out — our parents hadn’t talked to each other at all about doing them.

We disappeared to my room while they were talking and played with my Barbies for a bit. Not too long into our playing though Mom came and got us.

“Tiffany, Amy’s dad had been planning on coming over here tonight anyway to talk to us.”

“About what?” I asked him.

“Well your parents asked me to help in getting some of the legal matters taken care of for you to be able to go to school as Tiffany next year.”

“I appreciate any help you can give me a lot,” I told him with a smile. I trusted him like a father anyway — he knew it, but it’s a nice thing to say.

“Anytime Tiffany. Anyway, so your parents wanted me to tell you where we’re at.”

I nodded.

The first thing he did was handed me a piece of paper that looked like a copy of my birth certificate. It said Tiffany Christine Jacobson on it! I had a huge smile on my face, “Is this real?”

“It is, but it’s not something that was easy to get. The state that you were born in really doesn’t want to do anything to help out in cases like yours. I worked through a friend to work on getting the name changed — the only thing that isn’t changed yet is this letter,” he said pointing to the M that was X’d instead of the F.

That made me frown, but at least the name was right. “How do we get the M changed to an F?” I asked.

“Well that’s going to be tricky, and unfortunately I don’t think we’re going to be able to do anything about it for at least a few months yet — if not a year or two. They’re going to want at least some proof that you are moving towards physically changing things before they’ll be willing to do anything on that. I’ll keep working on it though,” he told me.

He showed me a social security card (whatever that was) and some other documents too that he had gotten changed over to my name like. Some of those things, like insurance cards, represented a big feeling of relief for me. That eye doctor’s visit had been very nerve racking.

“Okay, so that’s the easy part Tiff,” he said, “the hard part is going to be next Wednesday when we have to meet with the school’s administration about this.”

Screech. The brakes in my head came on. After all that I’d gone through today with the role playing I hadn’t even thought about the fact that we’d have to meet with someone at the school this early already. “Next… Wednesday…?”

“We need to take care of it now so that if we have to take them to court we’ll have time.” He told me.

He must have seen the deer-in-the-headlights look I was giving him, because he quickly added, “However I think we’ll be okay. Your parents and I have set it up to where the principals, the school counselor, the superintendent, the school board president, and Dr. Reynolds will all be there. I will also be there to represent you and your parents.”

That information made me feel better about the meeting. If Mr. Hancock was there they wouldn’t dare do anything against me! I started asking/answering questions as we all talked through what would happen next Wednesday. He spent a lot of time discussing when we should talk and when we should let him talk.

Mr. Hancock also gave me some advice as far as what I should wear to the meeting. A dress, he said, would probably be a good thing to wear. By the end of the conversation, an hour later, I felt like we would be in good shape for the meeting.

When we finished I was quite happy that Amy was still left to sleep over that night. We changed into our pajamas before sitting together on the couch in my living room. Mom had rented a couple of movies the day before and we chose one of them to watch. Dad went to bed pretty soon after her parents left, but Mom stayed up watching the movie with us before shooing us to bed.

She wasn’t as used to us staying the night together as Amy’s parents were — but I think she knew as well as we did that we would be up all night talking. Especially, since I hadn’t been able to hang out with her for a couple of days.

“So are you still going to be here next Wednesday?” I asked Amy.

“No, we’re leaving that day for cheer camp with the school’s squad.”

“I’d forgotten about that… Oh well I hope you have fun with it! I wished I was going with you.” I told her.

“You’ll get to go next year Tiff, I know you’ll make the squad if you try out.”

“I hope so. I was talking with Mom earlier, she’s signing me up for some dance lessons this fall.”

“Neat!” She said.

“Yeah, I was surprised she agreed to it in some ways. But then she told me that if I was taking dance lessons she wanted me to start studying Tae Kwon Do too.”

“You know what?” She asked not really wanting an answer. “I should get my parents to sign me up for the same class!”

“That would be cool. It would certainly make it less odd that I’m a girl taking it,” I told her.

“Well we both should learn how to defend ourselves — you never know when some guy might try to take advantage of us,” she said in a very grown up manner — it was kind of funny, but not.

From there the conversation went away from the serious and strictly to the fun. Mom came and warned us to go to sleep at 3 — she’d gotten up to use the restroom and couldn’t believe we were still up!

Of course we were, what was she thinking?!? But we did go to sleep after that point — I didn’t want to get Mom mad at me — it was going to be a stressful enough week as it was.
 
 
Chapter 12
 
 
AMY HAD ACTUALLY ended up staying another night beyond that one. Mom had lamented to me after she left, “How does her mom deal with having both of you around all the time?”

I just stuck my tongue out at her and went to my room.

We had spent that Saturday out at my grandparents place. I brought my updated scrapbook, my trophies, and a certificate that had come in the mail for me about the scholarship, and the video to show them. They were amazed by the pictures that I had shown them and made me do some of the cheers for them.

I was both embarrassed, and pleased to show off what I had learned… It wasn’t that I was embarrassed to be a cheerleader… it was more that it was strange to do it by yourself. At camp I’d had fourteen other girls doing the same things with me!

I enjoyed that day a lot though. Both my grandparents seemed to be dealing with this a lot better than I expected them to. Thankfully for me it was as they said, “You’re our grandchild sweetie, whether you’re our granddaughter or grandson makes no difference to us. You’re still our grandbaby.” That had earned my grandmother a big hug at that point.

There had been further discussions of my one uncle that had wanted nothing to do with us now. Grandma had sent him one of the pictures that we’d taken of me with Amy’s mom in June — and he had been shocked by how pretty I was. He still wasn’t talking to dad, but he wasn’t outright bad mouthing him at every turn now. Grandpa thought he might be able to act civilized by Christmas.

After lots of town gossip we left for home. I spent Sunday night at Amy’s house with Mom coming to get me at eight so we could go to my doctor’s appointment. Amy had wished me luck before she went upstairs and went back to bed. We’d slept in our separate rooms that night, so she really didn’t have to wake up that long. I was glad she had though.

When we got to the appointment Dr. Reynolds secretary had us go into her office. Mom, Dad, and I sat down on a couch, while Dr. Reynolds and another guy sat across from us on another couch.

As we sat down Dr. Reynolds said, “Mr. and Mrs. Jacobson, Tiffany, I’d like you to meet my colleague Dr. Wilmer.”

“Pleased to meet you,” my parents and I said as we shook hands with him.

When I shook hands with him I saw his eyes pause and look me over. I think I saw a little bit of surprise in his face actually — I didn’t know what that meant though.

“Dr. Wilmer, I invited you today because I wanted you here to take part in discussions about Tiffany. As I told you on the phone we’re looking at starting her on a treatment to prevent her from entering puberty for now…” she continued on for a while.

This conversation was mainly between Dr. Reynolds, Dr. Wilmer, and my parents — I honestly felt like I wasn’t even there.

“Tiffany, if at any time you decide you want to change your mind on this you can stop the treatment and you should go on to grow up as a boy like you would have naturally. If you decide to continue being Tiffany I think we should probably consider moving onto a full hormone therapy late this fall, as Dr. Reynolds has suggested. I trust her judgment completely on this.” He told us.

“Do you want to do this?” He asked me.

This was the first time they had acknowledged that I had a brain as far as I was concerned. “Absolutely, can we start today?” I asked him.

“Actually I have set up an appointment for you to get a blood test in the lab downstairs. If we get that run this morning then I think we can go ahead and give you the first treatment, and the prescription you’ll be on, this afternoon around 2?”

I smiled. I didn’t think this would happen this fast. I know I wasn’t going to start growing breasts — but this would keep me from becoming a guy, a decent compromise all things considered.

“That should work for us,” I answered for my parents.

My parents then voiced their approval of the plan as well before my dad was allowed to go back to work. I walked downstairs with Mom to have my blood ran through their tests. I discovered that I really didn’t like that experience. It was weird watching my blood run into those vials. ‘How much of it did they really need?’ I had asked myself while watching them draw the fifth vial.

They gave me some water and something sweet before sending me back up to Dr. Reynolds office. There she grilled me with more role playing situations for an hour or so before Mom was able to get me to go to lunch.

Lunch was nice — Mom and I just hung out talking while we ate. Pretty soon though, we were in the car going back to the hospital. This time we went to a different floor where Dr. Wilmer’s office was located. We checked in with the receptionist who put us in line to see him. In the mean time I looked through the latest Seventeen Magazine that was sitting on the table next to me.

“Tiffany?” I heard a nurse call for me.

I stood up and followed her. She had me get on the scale to weigh. I was pleased to see I was still at sixty-eight pounds. As a boy that had bothered me a bit to be so light and wimpy — as a girl I was pleased to be so skinny! She had also taken a height measurement. I had actually grown an inch sometime recently and was now at 4’4”.

When she was done she took me into a room where I waited for the doctor to come in. Mom and I talked a bit while we waited. It really wasn’t anything deep as far as conversation until I asked, “Mom what do you think is going to happen Wednesday?”

“I don’t know sweetie. But one way or another you will be allowed to go to school as Tiffany. You will also be kept safe and treated with dignity or the district will be hit with a major lawsuit.”

That warmed my heart, but I was still worried. “What if they say I can’t be Tiffany?”

“They can’t really say that legally. I mean they could, but with Mr. Hancock there they aren’t going to be dumb enough to do that. That’s also why we’re bringing Dr. Reynolds in too though. She can say that it is for your own well being that you need to attend school as Tiffany. With a psychiatrist saying that you need to do that there isn’t much they can do.”

“Are you sure?” I asked her.

She came over and hugged me, “Everything will work out one way or another Tiffany, I promise you.”

The doctor came in at that point and shook our hands. “Okay, the blood screen shows me that we’re still in time to stop anything from really developing. There was a little bit of testosterone in her system, but not much. The shot that I’m going to give her will effectively stop her body from making any more of that until if, or when we want it to. You’ll need to follow this up with this medication every day as well.”

He handing mom a prescription. “So, are you sure this is what you want to do?” He asked one last time.

“Absolutely,” I told him.

“Okay then,” he said getting the shot. He administered it to me and then we left. It was that quick that we were done with him. We scheduled a follow-up exam in a month. Dr. Wilmer wanted to see me once a month to run blood and see how I was doing for the foreseeable future. I didn’t like the blood part… but if it was what it took to grow up as a girl instead of a boy I was more than willing!

After a stop at the pharmacy to fill my prescription Mom and I had headed home and I planned to take it easy. At least that had been the plan… She instead had made me clean my room. The nerve of her! Just ‘cause I had toys and clothes all over the place…
 
 
Chapter 13
 
 
WEDNESDAY MORNING CAME long before I was ready for it. I had picked out a light blue dress that had pink flowers on it to wear that day. I spent a long time on my hair making sure it looked absolutely perfect that morning. You would have thought I was going out on a date with as much time as I spent on it! My ears had finally healed from being pierced last month and so I was able to put in some butterfly earrings that seemed to go well with the dress.

Thankfully, Mom had known I would want to spend that much time on my appearance; so she had woken me up early enough so that even after all the time I spent primping, I had half an hour to spare for breakfast. Not that I really wanted to have any breakfast. My stomach kept flip-flopping around inside of me, I was so nervous!

Tuesday night I had talked with Amy on the phone for a long time. She had been so excited about going to camp today, but she told me she was going to miss me while she was gone. Amy said that she would call me tonight to see how things went. For me I just hoped that the fact she was doing cheerleading at school, and I wasn’t, wouldn’t get in the way of our friendship. She’d be doing cheerleading after school Monday through Thursday, every day — so I wouldn’t be able to go to her house every day anymore.

I told myself to focus on the present as we pulled up to the front of the school. I was being silly worrying about that when I had far more immediate problems to deal with. Mr. Hancock was waiting in the parking lot when we got there.

“Hi Tiffany, how are you doing?” He asked while he gave me a hug.

“I’m doing okay I guess… I’m really nervous and more than a little scared,” I added honestly. Dr. Reynolds pulled up about this point and began walking towards us.

“Don’t worry, we’ll get everything worked out. They don’t stand a chance,” he said as we walked into the school as a group. We checked in with the secretary who led us into the conference room I had been in several times last year. We each took a seat in the conference room. Mr. Hancock was on my right — the side closest to the head of the table, with my mom and dad on my left, followed by Dr. Reynolds.

The principal, the vice principal, the school counselor, the superintendent, and the board president all came in before the door was closed.

“First of all thank you all for coming,” Mr. Hancock began. “Before we begin though I’d like everyone’s permission to tape record this proceeding?” He asked respectfully.

Everyone concurred, and each spoke clearly stating they were in attendance and that they were agreeing to the recording. The principal actually had a recorder of her own setup for the meeting too. She was the first to speak, “Mr. Hancock you said this meeting concerned Brandon Jacobson, but all I see here is a girl whom I don’t know. What is this about — and should she be present?”

“Yes Ma’am it does concern your former student Brandon Jacobson. After counseling with a psychiatrist it has been determined it would be in Brandon’s best interest to begin coming to school as Tiffany.” It was like a bombshell had been dropped in the room. Everyone gazed at me like I was some sort of zoo animal.

“You mean that…”

I’d been instructed not to say much, but this was annoying, “Yes, I used to be Brandon, now I am Tiffany.” I told them matter-of-factly.

“Mr. Hancock this is highly unusual. If Brandon comes to school like this he’ll be nothing but a disruption to the learning environment.” The principal started to state.

“Ma’am for the rest of the meeting I request that you refer to Tiffany as Tiffany or Ms. Jacobson, not as Brandon since that is now her legal name,” Mr. Hancock said. “We will of course provide you with a revised copy of her birth certificate at the end of this meeting for your records.” There was a bit of venom there, but not an overwhelming amount. I don’t know how he pulled off being scary and pleasant at the same time. Crossing Mr. Hancock did not seem like something one would want to do.

“Al… Alright…” She said, clearly she was taken aback by his comment.

“Now, we have her psychiatrist right here with us today to discuss her findings. But in a nutshell, Tiffany suffers from a Gender Identity Disorder, a clearly defined condition, recognized by the medical community.” I grimaced when he said that, I hated that term, “This is a diagnosed condition that results in a need for her to live in the gender opposite of her birth sex, and probably transition to being a full girl when she turns eighteen.”

“Sir, do you understand how much he… I mean she, was getting picked on this past year? It seemed like I was dealing with one situation after another where someone was going after her. That was when she was just a short, intelligent boy. Now you want me to take her and put her in the student population as a transsexual? The kids will eat her alive!”

“Actually she has a number of friends who are already aware of her condition, and of her new identity, and all have been supportive of her” he shot back.

“Why don’t you transfer her to a different school in town? Surely one of the other middle schools where no one knows her at would surely be a lot easier?” She suggested. Clearly she’d rather give the problem to someone else.

“Because, she has friends here and has a relationship with many of the teachers already. That is in addition to her right to attend the school because she lives in-district.”

“Well then maybe we could put her into the special ed classroom, then she…”

“Ma’am I was wondering if you would try to suggest something like that. I will remind you that even if you did somehow get her classified as a sped student, she would need to be placed in the ‘least-restrictive,’ environment. Her academic record indicates she’s one of the school’s top students and, she has no physical limitations. Her only need is to be treated as the girl she is, and accorded the same considerations by the school as any other student. A special ed classroom would not qualify for that in her case.”

The banter went back and forth for quite a while as I sat there just sinking into my chair. Eventually the superintendent, Mr. Jameson, interrupted Mrs. Hinther, “Mrs. Hinther, that’s enough now. Dr. Reynolds, are you sure that it is in Tiffany’s best interest to come to this school next year as a girl?”

“Yes sir, I do believe that is the case.”

“Tiffany, you wish to come to this school as Tiffany next year?”

“Yes sir, absolutely.” I replied nervously.

“Then what would we need to do to make this work?” He asked everyone.

“Mr. Jameson I don’t believe that it can work…” Mrs. Hinther started to say.

“Mrs. Hinther, respectfully, you either need to start being helpful or be quiet. I’ve heard quite enough right now — and so have those tape recorders.”

She suddenly turned ashen… I think she had forgotten about the tape recorders. There had been several remarks she had made that could be brought up against her if we wanted to at this point.

Mrs. Henry, the vice principal, spoke up at this point, “Well I think first of all we’re going to have to address her class schedule. Right now she’s scheduled for a PE class, being in either the boys or girls locker rooms would be out of the question. So should we take her out of PE altogether at this point?” She asked.

Dr. Reynolds answered, “A lot of times that is the best way to work with this situation. The only other real alternative is to have a separate room where she can change — but there needs to be some monitoring in place so that no one goes in there after her for some reason.”

Mr. Jameson spoke up, “Let’s keep her out of PE for now. We’ll try to work something else out for next year maybe. In the meantime I would recommend you keep her doing something active for health reasons.”

“We have several things planned for that point already,” my mom told him.

“Okay, the next issue I can think of is restrooms… Do you have any recommendations on those?” Mrs. Henry asked Dr. Reynolds. I think she understood that she was the resident expert at the moment.

“Well in a lot of cases the best way to handle restrooms is to let her have access to your faculty restrooms. There’s usually a lock on those, and it’ll keep her from causing/having any awkward issues in the girl’s room. Under no circumstances should she be forced to have to use the boy’s room,” she said assertively.

“We should be able to arrange for her to use the faculty bathrooms,” Mrs. Henry replied. She apparently thought that was a good way to handle things.

After another two hours in this meeting we finally wrapped things up. They had discussed everything they could think about with the way I was to be treated, the expectations that my parents had for my safety being guaranteed by the school, and the strong likelihood of pressure being applied to the school to get rid of me. We also discussed meeting with all of my teachers together the week before school started — it was in my best interest for them to understand the situation so they could help me.

Mr. Hancock had made it clear that any missteps made by the district would result in a lawsuit. As we stood up to leave Mrs. Henry came over to talk to me. “Tiffany, I just wanted to tell you that you look very pretty today.”

“Thank you Mrs. Henry. And thank you for standing up for me.” I told her. In the middle of the meeting Mrs. Hinther had been dumb enough to start going after me again — Mrs. Henry had put her in her place. I was fairly certain after the meeting that Mr. Jameson, Mrs. Henry, and the school counselor were rooting for me. They would definitely be the first people I’d go to talk to if I needed something.

Mr. Winters, the school board president, hadn’t said much during the meeting. I honestly don’t think he developed an opinion one way or another. I did feel good though knowing that he and Mr. Hancock were golf buddies — that should help a bit if things got nasty.

Unfortunately that wasn’t going to make school easier with Mrs. Hinther. I had a feeling that she wasn’t going to help me one bit during the school year. I was actually feeling very nervous that she was going to be going after me for revenge after today… She definitely thought I was a freak to be dealt with. That really wasn’t a big surprise though, last year when my initial problems had been going on she hadn’t been very helpful. My parents had to push her to get rid of a student to keep me safe. Perhaps Mr. Hancock had brought up the word ‘suit’ enough though to keep her in check.

All-in-all it was an incredibly stressful meeting — but at least it had been agreed upon for me to attend school as Tiffany. Some schools wouldn’t have been intelligent enough to agree before having a lawsuit brought against them. In my case I knew that there were going to be more than enough other problems this year — this was just the tip of the iceberg for me.

That day as we left the school I gave Dr. Reynolds and Mr. Hancock both big hugs to thank them for their help. Amy called that night and I told her what had been decided. She was excited to hear that we didn’t have any major problems. Amy was also quite excited by the really good time she was having at camp. We discussed all of the things they had done so far — and what they were going to be doing tomorrow.

At the end of the conversation she said, “Tiffany you are so much better than half of the girls on the squad! I think Coach Holt is unhappy with most of the girl’s abilities and attitudes. She threatened to have a new set of tryouts in October to get rid of the girls that can’t hack it — and to let the ones on that should be on — before our competitions start. If they do those you have to try out!”

“I probably will if they do,” I told her before letting her go.

It was pretty quiet at dinner that night; the three of us were all preoccupied with our own thoughts. I went to bed two hours early that night, it had been a long day, and I was mentally and physically exhausted from it. As I lay down in bed, Mom came into my room and just sat down next to me for several minutes, stroking my hair — neither of us said anything. I vaguely remember her telling me “I love you, sweetie,” and giving me a kiss on the forehead before really beginning to fall asleep. I would also barely remember Dad coming into the room and saying “Good night princess.” At least through all of this my parents still loved me.
 
 
Chapter 14
 
 
THE NEXT COUPLE days were just lazy summer days. I slept later, did less, and generally moped around the house till Saturday since I had no one to do anything with. I received a phone call from Nikki that day asking if I wanted to come spend the night at her house. It was the first time she’d invited me so I decided to take her up on it. We had fun that night — but she definitely wasn’t the same level of friend as Amy. She and I could talk, but Amy and I were close enough we constantly completed each others’ sentences.

Sunday Amy came back and I went over to her house for a couple hours just to play and chat. During that time she told me everything that had happened on the trip — and how the coach was absolutely appalled by how badly some of the girls were doing. She’d been quite mean to some of the girls about it. She seemed to think that they would have some more tryouts in October to change the squad over — if they didn’t do it before then.

“Why would they do it so late?” I asked her. I’m not sure my parents would want to spend a thousand plus dollars on stuff for maybe two months of use…

“Well we’re going to be competing in some new competitions this year that are going to be held in the spring. Our coach cares more about us doing well at them than she cares about us doing well at the football games and such. I honestly think she would redo tryouts the first week of school if she thought she could get away with it.” She told me.

“Well, if and when they do it I think I’ll try out. I don’t know what we would do about the locker room situation for me though. They’re already planning on me not doing PE this year just so I don’t have to worry about that.”

“That’s cool though, you’ll get an extra elective, right?”

“Yeah, I’m going to take home ec, it’s the only thing beyond choir and band that I want to take.”

“Speaking of choir, we’re getting a new choir teacher this year,” Amy said excitedly.

“Good, she can’t be any worse than the ‘crazy woman’ we had last year.” I said with a giggle. Our previous choir teacher had been the only one with a bigger target on her than me at our school last year. “How did you find out about it?”

“Lindsey’s mom was talking to Mrs. Henry about it last week — she was going to pull her out of choir this year if Mrs. Schultz was still there.” She told me.

“Yeah, I wasn’t going to keep taking it either. Hopefully the new person is better.”

We talked through a lot of other gossip that she had heard over the trip, and she told me, “No one outside of our group that went on the trip knows about you yet.”

“You mean everyone’s kept the secret?” I asked her. We were really both surprised. The two of us figured if it had gotten out she would have heard about it on this trip.

“It seems that way — I think Kyle has kept the boys in check. I think all of the girls were okay enough with you that they’re not going to spill it either…”

“Of course we’ll just have to wait and see how everyone reacts when peer pressure starts, huh?”

“Yeah, there is that. Don’t worry though, we’ll get through it, I promise.” She told me.

I hoped she was right as I went home that night and thought about what was to come. There were now only three weeks left in the summer before we would be going back to school. I was lucky that we were starting so late for once, usually we started a week earlier.

During those three weeks Mom and I made sure that my wardrobe would past muster in the ‘cool’ department. She refused to let me dress too grown-up though. As she told me, “Tiffany, you’re not even twelve yet. You don’t need to be dressing like you’re eighteen!” I would usually respond something like, ‘I’m almost twelve,’ or ‘most of the girls in my grade are going to be thirteen this year,’ but she never bought it. Most of my clothes were coming from the girls department because of that. Truthfully, most stuff in the juniors department was too big for me anyway.

We also got the professional prints of our cheer squad from the camp during that time. My individual pictures in particular really came out well — I couldn’t see any hint of there being a boy underneath that uniform. Mom had taken an 8x10 that had come with it and put it on our wall in the hallway. I liked that picture a lot, it made me feel special every time I walked by it.

I also ended up having two appointments with Dr. Reynolds since she wanted me to be as prepared as possible. Slowly I was feeling less like her sessions were nightmares, and feeling more like I might have a shot at this next year. On Friday, the week before school started, we had set up a meeting with all of my teachers for the next year at the school board office. Dr. Reynolds and Mr. Hancock were also supposed to attend with my parents and me.

That morning was very much a repeat of the day we met with the administration — the butterflies were very much making their flying presence known. I tried once again to make sure I looked absolutely perfect before these teachers saw me. When Mom and Dad had talked with Mrs. Henry about the meeting she had told me that the teachers didn’t know what was going on yet — just that they needed to meet at the board office for a meeting with a student and her parents.

They had decided to have it at the board office so there would still be some anonymity possible before the school year for me. I didn’t honestly know that it was going to do anything good or bad, but we agreed to it anyway. We arrived on time and were directed into a conference room that they used for boardroom meetings. Mrs. Henry greeted me warmly, but I definitely felt the eyes of Mrs. Hinther drilling holes into me. Everyone else in the room was just confused as we sat down.

Mrs. Remar greeted my mom with a friendly greeting and asked, “Where’s Brandon? And who is this young lady?”

“Ladies and Gentlemen that is why we are having this meeting today,” Mrs. Henry started off saying to everyone — directing them to their seats. She introduced all of the teachers to my parents and me — I didn’t know all of them — and then she began to tell the teachers why they’d been dragged over to the board office.

“And this is Tiffany Jacobson, she’ll be attending school this year in your classes.” I watched Mrs. Remar’s face and was shocked honestly that it had taken her as long as it had for her to realize who I was. Mr. Randolph was right behind her in recognizing me, but I don’t think Mr. Martin made the connection until it was spelled out for him.

“A few weeks ago we were approached by Mr. and Mrs. Jacobson’s attorney, Mr. Hancock, and requested to set up a meeting with the administration. We had very little information about why, but we set it up anyway. At issue was Tiffany coming to our school this year.”

“Why would that be a problem?” Ms. Beecher, a young and pretty teacher asked. When she had been introduced I had learned that she was the new choir teacher.

“Well she has attended this school before as a different person. Last year she attended as Brandon Jacobson.” I saw Mr. Martin jump, he suddenly knew who I was. The other teachers began to take a closer look at me, with all of them shaking their heads.

“Are you saying that Tiffany is a transgender boy?” my new science teacher, Mr. Grainger asked.

“Yes, that’s what I am saying,” Mrs. Henry said.

"Actually, Tiffany is a transgender girl," interjected Dr. Reynolds. "A transgender boy would be a boy that is biologically female. Tiffany is male, but she is a girl," she continued as Mr. Grainger nodded his head thoughtfully.

“I don’t believe it, wow…” he replied back to her.

“Tiffany you look very believable as a girl,” Mrs. Remar said, “I assume your parents and everyone else know that this is going to be a challenging year in dealing with the other students though?”

“Yes, ma’am,” I replied to her. She didn’t completely scare me now, but she still imparted a bit of fear into me. As a band director she was a very powerful figure in my mind.

“Are you sure this is a wise move?” my math teacher who I’d had last year too, Mr. Martin, asked.

“Maybe, maybe not,” Mr. Hancock started, “But this is the move that is being made for her own well being. Dr. Reynolds here,” he said pointing to her, “has evaluated and determined that it is best for her emotional well being that she be allowed to live as Tiffany. It is more complicated than that of course, but this is something that will be allowed and facilitated by the district.”

“We have all spoken at the administrative level and Tiffany will be allowed to go to school this year. Because of that we need to discuss how we’re going to work together to maintain a safe learning environment for her.” Mrs. Henry added.

“The kids are going to be merciless with her,” Mr. Randolph guessed.

“Maybe, maybe not,” my dad said, “twelve of her fellow students already know about her changes. For better or worse it ended up coming out on the Florida trip this summer. She has a really good core group of friends that should be able to help her and keep her safe.”

“Who all is in that group?” Mrs. Henry asked. We hadn’t told them that much information when we’d met earlier on in the year.

I named off all of the kids I knew I could count on, then added the others from the trip that I wasn’t as sure of.

“That’s all of the good seventh grade cheerleaders right there,” Mrs. Holt, the home ec teacher said. “If they’re behind her that should help her quite a bit.” I’d forgotten that she was also the cheer coach at our school.

“I’ll try to make sure that we have those students scheduled in your classes as much as possible too,” Mrs. Henry told me. I had a feeling there was going to be some rearranging of schedules then, Amy was in most, but not quite all of my classes. I knew she wouldn’t be in band, but she was signed up for home ec too, but wasn’t in the same hour with me.

“So how are we going to deal with the initial introduction of Tiffany to the students?” Ms. Damien asked.

“Well we haven’t decided what to do with that at this point,” Mrs. Henry said. “We’ve tossed out a bunch of ideas, including an assembly, but I think our best approach might just be to have her go to school and go through the day as normal.”

“Won’t that increase the shock factor?” Mr. Randolph asked.

“It might, but it might also give the kids a chance to adjust and figure out that Tiffany is a great person before they even figure out who she was.” Dr. Reynolds replied.

“What about…?” The questions, concerns, and comments seemed to go on forever. I sat there not quite trembling, but definitely not comfortably the whole time, listening to everyone talk about me as if I wasn’t there. Every possible issue came up, including things like the band trip we were taking in the spring — what would be my situation for housing and such. To the teachers’ credit they all handled it quite professionally, and none of them once seemed to begin a judgmental vendetta.

I looked down at my watch as Mrs. Henry said, “Thank you all for coming, please remember this is not to be discussed with anyone at this time. If the media comes into play only the administration will be allowed to comment on it,” and saw that we had been there for well over two hours.

When we stood up to leave Mrs. Remar was the first to come over to me. “Tiffany, I think you look very pretty. We’ll get through this year together. Let me know if you ever need to talk,” she said with a smile and gave me a hug. Every once in a while her cold scaly exterior would shed itself only to find out she really was a human.

Right behind her Mr. Martin came up, “Tiffany I expect you to do just as well in my math class this year, let me know if you have any problems and I’ll try to help you out…”

The teachers continued coming up to me until Mrs. Holt came up to me, “So are you the girl that Amy was talking to me about?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well she mentioned a friend of hers had gone to a cheer camp with her earlier on in the summer. She seemed to think that if we had tryouts mid-season she would do well.”

I blushed, “I guess that’s me. We had a lot of fun at the cheer camp, and I think she wants me to be on the squad so that we can still hang out together as often.”

“Well let’s see how this year goes, but I am telling you that we are going to have a set of tryouts in late September for a new ‘dance team.’ It’s going to be just as responsible for cheering at games and such, but it’ll be the one that’s going to go to competitions this spring. She seems to think you’d make a great asset to the squad, so you’ll have to try out if you’re interested.”

I smiled and said, “Thank you Mrs. Holt.”

Eventually we got away from everyone and went home. Later that evening I was preparing just to lay down on my bed and read a book when the phone rang, “Tiffany, it’s Amy!”

I thought to myself what took her so long? She’d had to do some errands with her mom that day so I hadn’t been able to get ahold of her yet. The two of us talked for a long while that night before I remembered the part about Mrs. Holt. “You told Mrs. Holt about me?” I asked her.

“Not about you specifically…” she trailed off.

“Well she figured out you were talking about me during the meeting and afterward told me she’s going to start a new ‘dance team’ up this September. She seemed interested in me trying out for it.”

“Really!??” She asked me excitedly.

“Yeah… we’ll see how things go between now and then though. I think I’ll do it though if they’ll let me. I just have a feeling that I’m going to have a tough time to get them to let me onto a girl’s team for something.” I told her.

“That shouldn’t be a problem though Tiff, you are a girl.”

“Not on paper yet… and definitely not down lower… I’m worried that if I make it they’ll all scream about me beating some ‘real’ girl…” I trailed off.

“Tiffany, enough of that. You are a girl, you and I both know it, and if we’re the only two at the school that do then that’s fine, it’ll work out.” She told me.

“Thanks Amy.” I heard her talk to her mom off the phone for a second.

“Okay, so my mom wants to know if you and your family want to come over to our house on Sunday for a ‘back to school’ barbeque.”

“I don’t know, hold on let me go ask.”

True to typical kid form I yelled, “Mom?!?”

“Yes sweetie?” She said as she came in the room from the kitchen.

“Amy’s parents want to know if we would like to come over for a barbeque on Sunday to celebrate school starting again… I don’t really know what kind of celebration that is! But anyway can we go?”

“Tell her yes, we’ll be there.”

I put the phone back up to my ear, “Did you hear that?”

“What?”

“I asked did you hear that?”

“How could I not… that was just after my ear drum burst from your yelling in the phone,” she said with a giggle before passing the information along to her mom.

“Who else is going to be there?” I asked.

“I think Nikki, Ashley, Lindsey, Jennifer, Kyle, and David will all be there with their families.” She told me.

“Whoa, that’s a lot of people.”

“Yeah, it’s a good number. Anyway, Mom is yelling at me to get off the phone. I keep telling them if we’d just move to one of our houses we wouldn’t have this problem… Mom’s just sticking her tongue out at me now Tiff, anyway I’ll talk to you later,” she said as we hung up.

The barbeque should be a lot of fun I thought. All of the kids that would be there knew who I was and had accepted me pretty well so far. Not all of the parents knew about me though… that could be interesting.

IN THE FEW days before we had the barbeque we went shopping to buy school supplies. I had gotten a purple trapper keeper, pens, pencils, highlighters, markers, folders, paper, all of the wonderful stuff parents have to shell out for each year. Everything was marked with “Tiffany Jacobson,” something that made me have goose bumps each time I looked at it.

In preparation for the new year I had also spent a lot of time with some of those little kid handwriting books trying to develop some better handwriting skills. By this point my handwriting was now passable as a girl — it still wasn’t great though.

Sunday I wore shorts and a t-shirt over my swimsuit when we went over to Amy’s. We had arrived early to help her parents out with cooking and such, but Amy and I were quickly shooed away from helping after she nearly dropped a chocolate cake. We were told to get lost and go swimming — something we were more than willing to do.

The two of us were swimming and playing some diving games when Lindsey, Nikki, and Ashley arrived in quick succession. Shortly after that Kyle and David had arrived and we all had fun laughing and giggling together. Later that evening we were dragged out of the water and forced to eat… Okay so that’s a bit of a gross exaggeration. Really as soon as we heard, “Dinner’s ready,” we had all jumped up and ran towards the food.

As we sat there eating David and Kyle got Amy and I off to the side.

Kyle told me, “Tiffany, we just wanted to tell you to let us know if anyone tries to pick on you this week. We’ll take care of anyone who does.”

I was feeling kind of skeptical on one hand, but I remembered the old saying ‘never slap a gift horse…’ and responded, “Thank you!” I restrained myself from giving them both hugs — I didn’t honestly know how they would react (me either for that matter.)

“So are they going to say anything about you to everyone?” David asked. I had looked at him with amusement as he asked that. David looked like the stereotypical, future All-American football player already in seventh grade. He was already over five and a half feet tall, well over a foot taller than me, and was very sturdily built. By all rights you would expect someone like that to be completely unintelligent, but his grades were almost as high as mine!

“Their plan right now is to say nothing to the students. I guess we’ll see how long it takes before they figure out that I used to be Brandon,” I told him.

“I don’t think they’ll figure it out until seventh hour,” Kyle told me. I’d forgotten he was in band with me, he played tuba.

“You really think it’ll take that long?” I asked.

“At least that long,” Amy said.

“Then why do you think seventh hour Kyle?” I asked.

“Because they’ll be able to see you playing saxophone — I think that’ll trigger it for a lot of people.” He told me.

“I guess that makes sense. Are you sure you two want to be associated with the biggest freak in the school though?” I asked him.

“Absolutely,” David said.

“Thanks guys, I really do appreciate it.” I couldn’t resist anymore and gave them both a hug before we rejoined the group.

Everyone talked and enjoyed themselves until about 8:30, when the party started to break up and head home. Mom and I were helping with cleanup while Dad and Amy’s dad talked. At nine we began to leave for home.

I had really wanted to stay the night at Amy’s, but as a cheerleader she had to be at school the next day for the sixth grade orientation to the school. She promised to call me when she got home so we could talk.

I forced myself to go to sleep that night, I was feeling a little better with the reassurance that Kyle and David were going to be behind me, but that didn’t help much. I had found out on the way home that some of the parents that found out there weren’t necessarily pleased… but they seemed to keep themselves in check.

Monday my stomach was in knots and I really couldn’t get myself to do much of anything. I must have picked and re-picked my clothes for the next day a dozen times before Mom got home and helped me choose something completely different.

When we went to Applebee’s that night — Mom didn’t feel like cooking after her first day back to work — I ordered something I normally liked. But, as I sat there I barely touched it. Mom looked at me with some concern but didn’t push me too hard to eat. I think she knew I was incredibly nervous about the next day and she didn’t really have anything she could say to me to make it better.

At home I talked to Amy about how things went earlier for her, but it was the only thing that brought a smile to my face. She had told me how one of the girls that was being lifted for one of the cheers had screwed up and done a face plant in front of the entire sixth grade class. I knew her, and felt really bad for her, but it seemed to epitomize the whole situation with what Amy had said about the squad having problems. I definitely knew I could have done that better.

I was so terrified of what was to come. I had been verbally and physically assaulted so many times last year, especially during the first half, that I knew how bad things could get. My only armor was what Dr. Reynolds had helped build up. I had faith in my friends, but I knew there would be times I would end up getting separated from them. And… friends can turn on you.

I tried to read a book that night, I tried to play a video game, I tried playing with my Barbies, I tried doing anything I could think of, but no matter what I did I couldn’t concentrate on it. Mom eventually brought me a cup of tea to try and soothe my nerves — it didn’t really help much though. When she suggested I go to bed early that night I didn’t fight her.

I thought maybe I would be able to forget about my troubles in the realm of sleep, but that didn’t happen quickly. I tossed and turned well into the morning imagining everything that could possibly go wrong the next day. When I finally fell asleep I kept waking up — not getting any real rest.

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To Be Continued...

 
Synopsis

In many ways Tiffany is the newest girl in her small community near Albuquerque, New Mexico. In the whirlwind of the last few weeks she has emerged from the shell of a scared and confused little boy named Brandon. Ever since Tiffany's parents confirmed with her their suspicions of her deepest wants and needs, they've supported her completely. With solid support from her family, her best friend and family and surprisingly, her growing circle of other friends it seems she might have a chance for a successful future.

'Can all this last?' is one of the biggest questions on her mind now. 'Will everyone stick with me when things get tough?' She's had an amazingly easy last couple weeks and she knows it won't last. What will happen when she returns to school? And most importantly, what will her psychiatrist decide? Will her doctor force her to return to living the lie as Brandon? These fears and more whirl in her mind as she looks to an uncertain future.

Daring to Hope is the continuing story of a bright, talented, and beautiful girl, who dares to hope for a future that is one based on happy dreams.

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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

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The Legal Stuff: Daring to Hope  © 2008 By Tiffany Shar

This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2008 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.

Preface

Last month I finally got around to publishing the first book of this trilogy, Standing Up to Life here at BigCloset. I had been delayed in publishing it there while trying to get it also published by Lulu.com. Well it’s taken me a bit longer on this book to get it up here as well, but here it is!

Like the first book I posted here, I am posting a standard copy of this here at BigCloset, and announcing that I have two versions available for purchasing through My Store at Lulu.com. Back by popular demand is the ebook download of the book. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be most interested in this edition of the book. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it from my store($3.00 for the ebook). I also have a hardback edition that is available, and will work on making a paperback edition available as well here in the coming weeks. With both the paperback and hardback editions I hope to have them available through Amazon.com in a couple months as well, and will offer to have Erin sell it through her Amazon page at that time.

Thank you to all of you, my amazing readers! Your comments have kept me going through some times when I thought I would never be able to write or edit another minute! Speaking of editing, thanks to my amazing editor, Carla Ann, for helping me out with this large work. Now that this project is coming to a close I hope to be able to focus solely on Book 3, and have that ready for you all this summer. Since it is the concluding book of the series I wish to be sure that it’s done right. Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy this book!

-Tiffany Shar

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Chapter 15

"TIFFANY, IT’S TIME to wake up," I felt my dad nudge me gently.

I started a bit before realizing what was going on. I’d just been having a really bad nightmare, even as I was waking up I was forgetting it, but I was sure I had been getting beat to a bloody pulp about the time Dad woke me. I somehow managed to keep from crying as I went and jumped in the shower.

I washed my hair and showered as quickly as I could — I was planning on spending every spare moment on my appearance this morning. I tried not to tremble as I put my earrings in my ears that morning — it wouldn’t do to have to stop my ears from bleeding in addition to getting ready! I felt like I was going to start shaking at any moment if I let myself.

I had thought about wearing a skirt or a dress today, but Amy and Mom both thought it would be better if I wore shorts and a t-shirt like most of the other girls would be wearing. I ended up wearing a striped light blue t-shirt that had shorter sleeves than anything I’d ever worn as a guy. It also covered my stomach, but just barely so, it was a new style that was coming in. I’d heard about it for the first time when we’d been at cheer camp. I then put on a pair of shorts that didn’t even come halfway down to my knees.

I put on a pair of white tennis shoes I had and a pair of blue socks that matched my shirt. I spent the better part of an hour perfecting my hair that morning — I knew if I did it right it would help keep people from recognizing me a little bit longer. I knew it was inevitable… but if I could get through half a day without them figuring it out it would be nice.

I ate a quick breakfast of cereal before hearing Amy’s mom honk outside. She’d offered to take Amy and I to school this year, at least for a bit, the other night. Mom and I had thought it was a great idea — if I didn’t ride the bus I would have one less opportunity for something to go wrong.

I grabbed my purple backpack (which just had my trapper keeper in it) and my saxophone, before I ran outside locking the door behind me. I got into the back seat next to Amy and sat quietly. She put her hand on my shoulder, "You’ll be fine Tiffany," she reassured me.

"Tiffany, your hair looks very nice today," her mom told me.

"Thanks." I said. I couldn’t even bring myself to smile at her compliment. I was terrified.

When we pulled up to the drop off point at our school, Amy and I got out while waving goodbye to her mom. We had purposely timed it so that we got there just a few moments before the bell rang. I had just enough time to take my saxophone into the band hall with Amy before we heard the bell and went to our first class, social studies with Mr. Randolph.

As we took a seat in the classroom in desks next to each other, I looked around to see who else was in our class. I was glad to see that Ashley and Lindsey were in the same class. Kyle walked in a couple minutes late and sat down on the other side of me.

"Some of you I know, some of you I don’t know, so I’m going to go ahead and call everyone’s names. Please say here if you are here," Mr. Randolph told us.

He read through the list of names, when he got to mine he asked, "Tiffany?"

"Here," I was grateful he remembered our arrangement to just call my first name — not my last. The hour passed with me introducing myself to a couple of the kids in there that had known me before — but none of them recognized me. After that class I went to science class, grateful to see that Amy, Nikki, Ashley, Lindsey, Jennifer, Kyle, and David were all in that class.

Mr. Grainger seemed to be a neat teacher that also remembered to not use my last name when he called attendance. Of course, half of this class knew who I was, but everyone was friendly. I found myself making friends with several other kids that I had never really had a chance to get to know before. All of us were hyper and giggly at first, but as the day went on and we heard more and more of the rules over and over again we grew kind of restless.

In choir I discovered there were only fifteen of us in the class. Apparently most of the other kids had quit rather than have to deal with Mrs. Schultz again. Amy and Lindsey were the only two that I really knew since we were in the advanced group that was made up more of eighth graders than seventh graders. Amy introduced me to the cheerleading captain, Kristina, who was also in that class. When she told her that I had gone to the same cheer camp with her this summer she seemed very jealous about it.

"Wait a second! You’re the one that got to get tossed by the college guys?" She asked.

"Yeah, it was fun and terrifying all at the same time," I answered with a giggle.

"I can only imagine. Amy said you were sent a good fifteen feet in the air above the guys."

"I don’t know if it was quite that far, but I’m certainly glad they caught me!"

The three of us began talking with Lindsey about different cheerleading stuff up until our new choir teacher, Mrs. Beecher, began talking. She introduced herself, went over the same boring expectations, but then became one of the first teachers to actually do something that day when she at least ran us through some vocal warm-ups. She actually had some fun ones that we hadn’t done before.

Amy, Lindsey, and I were all in the same Algebra class with David, Kyle, Ashley, and Nikki. I could really see that the vice principal had played a lot with the schedules. I had many of the same classes with everyone that knew already. There were a couple of others from the trip in this class too.

Mr. Martin was the most boring of all of the teachers so far. He even had the nerve to give us a test on the first day back! I used to think of him as a nice teacher… I guess he still was, but come on! A test the first day?!?

After that we walked as a group down to the cafeteria to eat lunch. Amy introduced me to a bunch of the eighth grade cheerleaders that were at lunch and asked to sit with us. I was really amazed that they would be willing to let an outsider sit with them. Kristina was one of the eighth graders that joined us and I found myself really enjoying the conversation I was having with them.

After lunch I went to my home ec class, where Amy was the only one in there that I knew. "Amy are you alright with having basically every class with me?" I asked her quietly in the hallway before going in. Mrs. Henry had changed her schedule so that she had everything but band with me now.

"Of course Tiff. Why wouldn’t I be?"

"I don’t know, I just keep expecting you to get tired of hanging out with me…" I told her.

"Stop worrying Tiff," she told me.

Home Ec was going to be a different class. I was certain of that. Mrs. Holt discussed how we were going to be learning about cooking, sewing, finances, and child care this year. Child care? That part was not something I really wanted to look forward to. I’d heard that they made you carry around these little dolls everywhere you went for a weekend. They would cry incredibly frequently and you were lucky if you could get sleep at night. Not to mention they kept track of whether or not you changed them and fed them, and for all of that you got a grade.

At least the rest of it sounded useful though… I also noticed that there were a lot of ‘unintelligent’ kids in this class. I would say half of the students were in a gang of some sort — ‘maybe we should have taken a different class,’ I thought to myself.

It was another class that took place without incident though, and I began to feel more confident that I might be able to make it through the day without having anything go wrong. Sixth hour came quickly and I found myself in one of the most ideal classes for English. Right off the bat I discovered that Ms. Damien was a really neat teacher. She was a huge improvement over Mr. Tamera, who I’d had last year, just in the fact she spoke English!

All of the students that went on the trip were in this class. Unfortunately that included Jarred. Midway through the class I saw him looking up with a group that had five people who hadn’t been on the trip. He pointed to me and I saw people shake their heads in disbelief. Was he outing me? Out of all of the guys he had been the one I was most worried about. I looked at Amy next to me and whispered to her what I suspected, but it didn’t take him long to take care of confirming my suspicions.

"Yeah, that ‘girl’ over there isn’t really a girl guys. She’s really that freak Brandon." He started to say at the top of his lungs before Ms. Damien told him to join her outside in the hallway.

I was dead. People knew now.

Kyle wasn’t going to have any of that though, he walked over to the group that Jarred had talked to. He said something to them, I wasn’t sure what, but they all kind of nodded their heads and looked a bit scared. Not as scared as when Jarred walked back in though — I don’t know what Ms. Damien had told him, but he was on his best behavior through the rest of the class period.

Kyle walked with me to band, along with Nikki, and I took my seat in the saxophone section. Mrs. Remar said to get our horns out and so I warmed up — glad I had spent a bit of time recently practicing. I watched some of the other players try and play — they seemed to be in a lot of pain.

While we were warming up I heard some whispers from behind me and knew that the jig was definitely up now. Word had made it around quickly — likely to the whole school by now. One of the girls that I didn’t really know that well stood up from the clarinet section, walked over to me and asked, "Tiffany is it true?"

"Is what true?" I asked trying to play dumb.

"That you’re really Brandon?"

Yep the cat was out of the bag and on a rampage… "I’m not anymore, I’m Tiffany now." I told her firmly yet softly.

She looked confused, but nodded, "okay, you’ll have to explain that to me sometime. You do understand this is really weird right?"

"Maybe, to others. But I am who I am, and I know who that is now." I told her. She appeared to chew that over as Mrs. Remar told everyone to sit down and began warming us up as a group.

The sounds we made that day as a group were terrible! She berated everyone and told them all to go home and practice that night. She didn’t want that sound to ever happen again.

As I was getting ready to leave class Mrs. Remar asked, "Tiffany can you come here for a moment please?"

"Sure," I replied.

I went into her office and she closed the door. "How are things going so far today?" She asked me.

"I suppose they could be going worse," I started off, "No one had figured it out until one of the guys that I didn’t trust from the trip told people about me last hour. Up until then the day had been going perfect. I’m sure tomorrow will be bad though."

"Keep your chin up Tiffany, things’ll work out. I think you’re very brave to be true to yourself like this."

"Thanks."

"Nice job today, I’m glad to hear that at least one person practiced this summer," she told me as I left her class. That last comment kind of made me smile again as I walked out.

At that point I realized that I needed to go back to my locker really quick to grab something I’d left there earlier. As I approached it I felt a hand push me against the locker. I spun around and saw it was Lucas, a kid I’d had problems with the previous year. I turned back around and began opening the locker, grabbing what I needed.

"So not only were you a wuss last year, but, you really are a fag like I thought," he told me. It was just like a situation I’d run through several times with Dr. Reynolds.

"Get lost Lucas, you’re just mad there’s one more girl in school that wouldn’t go out with you even if you were the last guy on earth." I said smartly to him with a smile on my face. I watched his face go ashen, go into shock, and turned around before he could respond to anything. I began walking down the hallway when I heard running steps towards me. He came up in front of me, and I saw a fist fly towards me.

"How dare you fa…" he started to say before I saw a hand catch his hand in mid-air. In the blink of an eye he was on the ground with his arm pinned behind his back.

David looked at him and said, "You will leave Tiffany alone, you will not call her names, and you will certainly not attack her again."

"Or else?" He sneered trying to maintain his tough guy image, even though he was lying on his face in the hall looking like a frightened little baby.

"Or else me, and several other football players are going to be paying you a house call. Do you understand? Tiffany is under our protection, and you’ll pay dearly for not remembering that," Kyle said from behind him.

David released him and Lucas scampered down the hallway like the rat he was. "Thanks, that was a little scary" I said to both of them.

"You’re welcome Tiffany, you’d better hurry or you’ll miss your bus." David told me. I hurried off down the hallway and out to the bus stop. I made it onto the bus just as she was closing the doors.

I ended up sitting down right behind the driver as that was the only seat left that I could see. "You must be Tiffany?" the driver asked.

"Yes ma’am." I told her.

She handed me a card and said, "Would you please fill this out with your information?"

"Okay," I replied. I filled it out and gave it to her when we got to my bus stop.

As I got off at that bus stop I heard, "Hey Tiffany," I turned around and saw a new sixth grade girl that lived just down the street from me.

"Hey," I said politely. She began walking with me down the block towards our houses.

"Is it true?" She asked.

"Is what true?" I asked. I wasn’t trying to play dumb… but I didn’t really want to spread things farther than they already had.

"You know…"

Oh well, so much for damage control. "That I used to be Brandon?" I asked her.

She nodded.

"Yeah, I used to be, but I’m not anymore."

"How did this all happen?" She asked me.

She was being nice enough to me, ‘the least I could do was be civil about it and explain some of it,’ I thought. I began explaining things as we walked down the block. We ended up sitting outside my house for a half-hour or so talking and after all was said and done she told me, "Tiffany, this is really strange… But you make a really pretty girl, and I’m okay with this. I doubt many others are going to be though." She told me

"Well, we’ll see how much David’s threat against Lucas holds them back," I told her.

We parted and I went inside to collapse into a blob on the couch. I had made it through one day… but it was going to probably have been the easiest day since kids hadn’t known the whole day. I ended up crying just because of all of the pent up stress before falling asleep in a ball.

Chapter 16

THE NEXT THING I knew, Mom was opening the door as she came home. "Tiffany, are you awake?" She asked me. I could see she was really worried about me when she saw the condition I was in.

"Uh-huh, I guess," I said nodding my head as she sat down next to me.

"How did things go?"

"Well, they were going perfect — probably too perfect — until sixth hour when Jarred decided to tell everyone who I used to be. By the time I got to band everyone was talking about it. No one was sure what to make of it though, so I only had one girl in that class come up and ask me if it was true. She couldn’t believe it of course. At least she didn’t freak out on me."

I sniffled before continuing, "After class Mrs. Remar pulled me into her office for a few minutes to talk to me — she wanted to see how my day had been. That was an okay time until I got to my locker to pick up some stuff I’d left in there. Lucas came up to me and grabbed my shoulder to turn me around and called me a bad name. I got my stuff out of my locker and told him ‘you’re just mad there’s another girl in the school who can’t stand you,’ or something like that, and walked away."

"How’d he react to that?" Mom asked.

"Well he was pretty shocked. It took him a few moments to even get the insult — that was enough time that I started heading for my bus. He jumped in front of me and started to try to hit me when David got there and stopped him."

"Good for him, what happened?"

"Well he and Kyle threatened that they and the other football players would make a house call if they needed to… I’m so glad that they’re my friend’s Mom, but I can’t for the life of me understand why they are."

"I think it’s because they understand what an incredible girl you are Tiffany — and I think you can trust them." She gave me a hug.

"Other than that things went okay?"

"Yeah, Katrina, the captain of the cheer squad sat with Amy and me at lunch. She and I hit it off really well… I’m sure that’ll be over tomorrow though. It can’t be cool to hang out with the freak…" I said with tears coming out of my eyes.

"Sweetie, it’ll work out. I promise you things’ll eventually work out." About that time the phone rang.

Mom got up to get it and told me it was Amy.

"Hey," I said to her in a fairly lifeless voice.

"Are you alright?" She asked me.

"I guess. You must have heard about after school?" I asked.

"Yeah, Katrina saw it and told me about it."

"So she must be appalled that she sat with me today huh?" I asked.

"No, actually she was incredibly cool about it when I talked to her." She replied.

"Really?"

"Yeah. When we were changing into our workout clothes a lot of the girls were talking about Kyle and David sticking up for you — and since they know that you and I are best friends they started asking questions."

"Like what?"

"Well, I’m not going to go into detail — some of them were pretty stupid and I don’t want to upset you — but after all was said and done I think most of them respect your courage to do this."

"You’re kidding right?" I wondered if this wasn’t some massive setup for horror to come.

"No, especially Katrina was talking about how they want to make sure you get a chance to prove yourself as the girl you are — not as the boy that came to school before."

I was flabbergasted. "Not all of them thought that… right?"

"No. I won’t lie to you. We have fourteen girls on the squad, seven of us — including Katrina and Lindsey and me — are going to be standing right behind you, three of them are okay with it — they think it’s weird but aren’t going to make fun of you for it, but then there are the other four. I don’t think they’ll go out of their way to be mean to you — but I think they could cause some trouble especially when it comes time for tryouts next month. But Tiffany, three of those four are terrible and you’re sure to beat them!"

"Well ten out of fourteen isn’t bad." I told her

"No Tiffany, it’s not. So other than that did anything else happen after sixth hour?"

We talked for a good twenty minutes before Mom made me hang up so we could eat dinner. I had to recant everything for my Dad that night and Mom reminded me that Dr. Reynolds wanted me writing all of this in my diary. Of course that was in addition to practicing my instrument, doing some stupid homework some teachers had already assigned… and oh yeah I had to sleep too…

After a quick dinner, I decided to begin with practicing. We didn’t have much from school to work on, so I worked on some stuff that my private teacher had me working on. It was an etude that had a lot of fast sixteenth notes in it, and I’d been fighting with it for a week or so. After about an hour though I didn’t really have any desire to keep practicing — I was still completely frazzled and nervous about tomorrow and it was just too hard to concentrate.

Following that I flew through the homework that I had — thankfully it was just some stupid stuff that was easy to do. Then I had to do the task that I really didn’t want to do. Dr. Reynolds had asked me to start doing a diary a few weeks back but I hadn’t really started. That had caused Mom to begin riding my case and I promised that I would actually start doing it today… She told me if I didn’t I wasn’t going to be allowed to go to Amy’s. Talk about hitting below the belt!

I sat down and started writing about everything that had happened during the day. As Dr. Reynolds had asked, I described how I felt about everything as it happened — scared senseless covered most of it. I worked on it diligently until I had reached talking to Amy after school. At that point I looked up at my clock and saw it was already 8:30pm. My parents always wanted me in bed by 9 last year. I wondered if I could bargain for a later bed time this year…

I walked out to the living room, "Mommy?"

"Uh-oh… What do you want sweetie?" Mom asked. Was I that transparent? Okay, yeah maybe I was.

"I was wondering if I could stay up later this year — maybe till Ten?"

"I don’t know sweetie, you have a hard enough time getting out of bed in the mornings as it is."

"Please? Can we at least try it? I haven’t had any time to do anything fun tonight so far."

"Did you do your diary entry for Dr. Reynolds?"

"Yes, I worked on it for more than an hour."

"I dunno, I suppose we can try it — but if you start showing signs of not handling it I’ll move it back to nine. I want you in your pajamas and ready for bed by nine though, okay?"

I gave her a hug, "Thanks Mommy!"

She hugged me back, "what’s the chance you could call me Mommy sometimes when you don’t just want something?"

I just smiled back at her and went back to my room to change into my pajamas. As I left the room I turned to her and said dramatically, "You should know by now Mommy that I ALWAYS want SOMEthing!" I tossed my hair up and down as she smiled at me. Then I went into the bathroom and took care of the essentials of brushing my teeth and washing my face. I grabbed a teddy bear and sat down on the couch in the living room to watch TV with Mom. We watched something worthless until she told me I needed to go to bed.

As I went to my room with my teddy bear, turned off the lights, and lay down to go to sleep, I found that my thoughts of tomorrow completely overwhelmed me. What was going to happen? EVERYONE knew now. I just knew that as soon as I pulled up in front of the school tomorrow there were going to be two reactions.

The first would be all of the kids staring and talking about me, but they wouldn’t acknowledge me. They’d be staring at me just like some sort of kid that had been severely scarred in a horrible accident. When I looked at them they would turn away as if they hadn’t been looking — but we both would know that they had. If I spoke to them they would act like I didn’t even exist.

With the other group they would walk by me and taunt me. Some would be just as simple as whispering things like ‘freak,’ or ‘fag,’ or worse… but they wouldn’t say it loudly enough for a teacher to hear. They’d snicker as they passed by me or maybe purposefully run their shoulder into me to try and knock me over. Of course some of them would be like Lucas yesterday, and actually be obnoxious enough to make a scene if they thought they were safe.

At least with the first group I knew I wouldn’t be harmed physically. Psychologically was a whole other story…

Tomorrow was going to be hell.

With that thought I began crying softly… Then not so softly…

Mom came into my room without saying anything. She just held me while quietly stroking my hair. I clung to her for a long while that night before I must have finally gone to sleep.

Chapter 17

AMY AND I stepped out of her mom’s car and out to destiny. I’d done everything I could to delay stepping out of the car, but Amy had persuaded me to go ahead. When I stepped out of the car I swear all of the eyes that were near us went straight to me. ‘Straight to the freak,’ I thought.

Amy and I walked together to put my instrument in the band hall, and then stood by the door to wait to go into our class. As we stood there I felt someone come up from behind me. ‘Great, it starts,’ I thought to myself.

I decided to turn around just to see what threat was behind me.

"Hey Tiffany, how are you doing?" Kyle said as I looked at him.

I breathed a huge sigh of relief, after yesterday I knew I could trust him, "Better now that I know it was you behind me." I said with a tense smile. I felt a little bit of the tension in my body leave with him standing next to me.

"Don’t worry, we’ve got your back today."

"I appreciate that," I told him as the bell rang.

As we entered the door to go into the hallway I felt like I was an important person with bodyguards. Behind me Kyle was joined by David, and although people stared at me in the hallway, no one seemed to be willing to say anything with them next to me. Who would have thought I’d be able to make it to my first hour safely?

As I sat down in my chair a kid leaned up from the desk behind me. "Why’d you come to school today freak?"

I just ignored him. What else could I do? In the mean time I saw another girl come over to me. "Is it true that you’re really Brandon?"

"No, I’m not Brandon anymore."

"But you used to be right?"

"I guess. I finally got tired of pretending I was him." I told her.

She just stood there with her mouth kind of open, before saying, "oh," and going back to her desk.

When I was guessing the types from earlier I had clearly forgot there would be some kids that would be in denial that I was who everyone said I was. That’s okay, that’s better than the kid behind me. I finally looked back and saw that it was a kid named Markus, he was a wannabe cool kid, but apparently thought he was cool enough to make fun of me.

As we went through the class I felt my desk get kicked over and over again by him. He did some other things throughout the class trying to get to me but I managed to tune him out. At one point I think Kyle figured out what he was doing, because he looked over my way — then back behind me, and the kicking stopped.

All in all, except for being a pointless class of coloring maps, I survived the hour without further incident. As I walked from that class to Science I remained in a nice sandwich between Amy, Lindsey, Ashley, and Kyle. The five of us actually managed to have a fairly normal conversation as we went through the hallway.

"So how about being in Mr. Randolph’s class again…?" Kyle asked me.

"It’s just loads of fun. I so look forward to another year of being educated by ‘America’s Funniest Home Videos.’"

"Watching someone getting kicked in various places ‘is’ educational right?" Lindsey asked.

"Sure!" Amy said. "It’s great ammunition for when you see Jarred running his mouth everywhere," she said. You know how making a girl mad can be a really bad thing? I don’t think Jarred even began to know of Amy’s anger…

"So what all did you do this summer after the trip?" Lindsey asked me.

"Well I went with Amy to that cheer camp," I told her. She’d been there yesterday when we’d talked about it, "Then I mainly dealt with stuff and did some shopping with my mom. Other than that I was at Amy’s house, or she was at mine, most of the time."

"That’s cool," she said as we rounded the corner to a hallway that led to a side area of the school that had our science class in it.

"What did you do?" I asked her.

"Well we had the team camp that we went to. That was a lot of fun — we’ve got to get you on the squad, I think you’d have a blast. My family also went to Texas to see some family in San Antonio. It was really hot down there! I didn’t do a lot beyond that though," she told me.

As we entered the class some of the students in my class shot me glares, some stared, some looked frightened, and some looked curious. Honestly the last group didn’t scare me — they were probably the most likely to be able to deal with this. The first were the ones that really made me nervous. Who knew what they were capable of doing?

That day Mr. Grainger assigned seating by last name, and I ended up by a couple of the kids I didn’t really know. One of them, a girl named Janica, leaned over and asked, "Have you heard about the strange rumor about you? A bunch of people seem to think that you’re really a boy. Can you imagine that?"

I couldn’t trust myself to speak… so I just smiled and shook my head. She was the resident airhead of the school.

"But it’s true though right?" A boy next to me, Paul, asked.

"Yeah, I guess it kind of is," I told them.

"You’re kidding?!?" the girl asked.

"I wished I was," I told her honestly. I wanted to ask her, ‘so are you going to just treat me like a freak, be a friend, or be an enemy?’ But of course you can’t ask something like that.

"But people like that go to hell…" She sort of trailed off into space. I realized that she wasn’t meaning to insult me — that was just what her parents had always said.

"Well, the way I’ve been taught one sin is as bad as the other, so this really wouldn’t be any worse than calling someone a name," I told her.

She seemed to think for a moment, "Well, I won’t hate you if that’s what you’re worried about. I can’t say that my parents would approve of me hanging out with you… but I don’t care."

I was truly amazed — someone who could think on their own.

Paul however opened his mouth, "Well I won’t be hanging out with a homo like you at any point. I can’t believe the school would even allow you to come to school like that."

At that point Kyle, who was sitting in the seat behind him leaned forward and said something to him. I watched his face turn pink, then red, then purple in quick succession. I’d have to ask him what he said later. After that Paul didn’t really speak at all in class again that day.

If you can believe it, all of that took place before Mr. Grainger finished handing out textbooks! He got up in front of the class and said, "Okay now that you have your textbooks please open them up to page…" We read through the introduction at the front of the book as a class. Everyone ended up reading a section of the text.

After that he told us he expected us to have read through the first chapter by the next week. He was a strong believer in us doing work on our own. At least we weren’t supposed to have vocab notebooks this year! This year we had an ‘earth science’ class. It seemed like it would be somewhat interesting… but I definitely thought biology last year was more fun than this would be. With biology there were lots of labs to do, dissections and such — it didn’t sound like we would be doing that as much with this class.

Class ended fairly quickly and Amy and I went to choir. The new choir teacher continued to impress us as a teacher — she was definitely way better than Schultz. Ms. Beecher seated us all by voice types that day and once again I found myself seated with the sopranos. At least this time as a girl that seemed more acceptable. Amy and Kristina were also both put in the soprano group with me.

That day we started learning ‘The Water is Wide,’ a song that Amy and I thought was really pretty. About three minutes before we were to be let out of class one of the secretaries called over the intercom asking for Amy to go to the office.

"It must be my lunch money," she said to me on her way out, "I forgot it on the kitchen table."

She left and I found myself alone for the first time in a day-and-a-half. Amazingly as we were leaving I heard, "Hey Tiffany!"

I turned around and saw it was Kristina. "Hey, what’s up?" I asked her.

"Is it true?"

"Yeah," I knew what she was talking about.

"Wow, that’s crazy..."

"Yeah, it kind of is…" I braced myself for awkward silence or something.

"Well, anyway I think you’re a really cool girl. Don’t let anyone get you down about this."

"You’re cool with it?"

"Sure. From everything that Amy’s told me about you from the camp I absolutely want to get to know you. Several of the other seventh grade girls have said some really good things about you too. I really hope you try out for the dance squad that Mrs. Holt is putting together in September. I don’t care whether or not you were originally a boy, when I met you yesterday you were definitely a girl."

"Thanks Kristina," I said as I began walking towards my next class. I was feeling really good at this point. I had never expected to do this well with people, maybe there was hope for my year to go really well.

Suddenly I found myself grabbed and shoved into a side hallway that few students ever went down. I tried to keep my wits about me long enough to figure out who had shoved me, but I was in shock at the surprise of it.

As I turned around I heard "Well, well, well, if it isn’t our resident tranny," from Jarred.

I also looked to see Lucas had joined him for this. "Yeah, I always thought it was a little fag, but I really didn’t think it would show it this much."

"All I know is my parents aren’t going to stand for a freak like you being in this school. They don’t want me to catch whatever diseases you have." Jarred sneered.

"Yeah, it’s probably already got AIDS or something…" Lucas looked absolutely disgusted.

"All I know is my parents are going to the school board to get you kicked out of here! Imagine if they let you in here what else they’d let in. Well my parents’ll get you out of here, mark my word, or you’ll be back in boys clothes. When they found out that you’d been allowed to dress like this the last part of the trip they flipped." He paused, "With any luck Mrs. Manning and Ms. Fitz’ll be canned after this too!"

I was shoved against a wall by Jarred now while Lucas said, "Well if you really want to be a girl that much perhaps we can arrange for it…" I honestly had no idea what he had in mind, but I knew that this was getting out of hand quickly. Dr. Reynolds had drilled this kind of situation into me so many times over the past few weeks I just reacted.

"You would like that wouldn’t you Lucas? There’s not a single girl that wants to go out with losers like you two, and you know what?" I paused, "You’re going to have to hope there’s another girl that wants to — because I’m certainly not going to." I kneed Jarred in the groin, twisted and ducked underneath Lucas’s arms and managed to get away from them. As I twisted away I left some scratches on his arm from my nails. I ran down the hallway as quickly as I could, crying all the way.

What else could I do? I was so upset I couldn’t make it to my next class. Instead I sat down on the landing of a flight of stairs. I curled up with my arms around my legs… It was only the second day and the first time I was alone I had been assaulted… To make it worse the possibility of them making me leave the school, or have to come back as Brandon frightened me to no end.

‘I’m not Brandon! I don’t think I ever was! Why couldn’t they just let me be? I wasn’t hurting them. I wasn’t hurting ANYONE!’

I don’t know how long I sat there before I felt a hand on my shoulder. I didn’t even have the energy to jump or run away at this point. ‘I might as well let them pound me into a pulp,’ I thought.

"Tiffany?"

I didn’t want to look up, it would probably be another bully out to get me.

"Tiffany, are you alright? Class started ten minutes ago."

I looked up and sniffled, it was Kyle. I shook my head, I definitely wasn’t okay.

"Come on, Mr. Martin sent Amy, David, Ashley, and I to look for you. Everyone’s worried about you." He offered me a hand to help get up.

I just looked dumbly at it for a moment before taking it. He led me back to the outside of my math class where he got Mr. Martins attention. I was just staring off into space down the hallway. He must have told Kyle to walk with me down to the office. About that time Amy and Ashley returned running up to me to hug me. They said a lot of things to me, but I really don’t remember any of it.

I knew it was going to be bad — I knew the risks coming in — but I just… Why?

"Tiffany, are you alright?" I looked up and found myself in Mrs. Henry’s office.

I managed to bring myself to wipe the tears from my eyes with my palms. ‘Tiffany, you have to get yourself together,’ I told myself.

"Not really…" I trailed off.

"What happened?" She asked me.

"What good will it do to tell you? Nothing’ll happen to them…" I started to say.

"Tiffany, that’s absolutely not true! Tell me what happened."

I looked at her and decided it couldn’t really do any harm right? "I was coming to this class just enjoying the fact that Kristina didn’t hate me now that she knew about me. As I was walking down the hallway I was dragged down another hallway I never go down, I think the special ed classroom is down it."

"When I had a chance to turn around I saw that it was Jarred and Lucas that were dragging me down the hallway. Jarred then called me a ‘tranny,’ and they took turns shoving me up against the wall. Lucas called me a ‘fag’ somewhere in this. Jarred then… Jarred said his parents were going to go to the school board to get me kicked out… or make me… make me come… make me come as Brandon." I really lost it at that point.

She handed me a Kleenex at this point, and I think I may have seen a bit of compassion in her eyes. After a couple minutes I settled down a bit, and she asked "What happened next?

"Lucas finally said something about, ‘if I wanted to be a girl — he could arrange for it.’ My doctor and I have talked about violence against other girls like me — I became really scared then. I managed to make a comeback against him about ‘them just being mad because all the other girls wouldn’t go out with them, and sorry to tell them I wouldn’t either.’ I kneed Jarred and managed to just twist away at that point and run away. I think I scratched one of them while I was trying to escape."

"Is that all that happened?" She asked me.

I started bawling again at this point, "yes ma’am." I couldn’t believe that she asked if that was ‘all that happened?’

IT WAS A long time before I managed to regain some semblance of control. When I did I found Amy was giving me a hug and my mom was walking in the door. Mom came up to me and took over for Amy.

Are you alright sweetie?"

"No… not…really." I told her.

She hugged me for a long moment before I could finish, then heard Mrs. Hinther say, "Would you please come into the conference room?"

"Hold on a few moments," my mom said. "I’d like to take Tiffany to the restroom to give her a chance to wash her face off."

"Well… we really don’t have all of our day at your disposal…" she began to tell my mom.

My mom stood up and said to her, "You WILL have all the time we need. If you don’t I guarantee you that there will be a lawsuit filed against you and this school by the end of today. Do you understand?" She did so with a low voice that dripped with venom.

Mrs. Hinther realized she was in a bad situation and directed her to take me down the hall to a faculty restroom that I had been using. I finally managed to regain some control of myself as I splashed warm water on my face. I spent several long moments sitting there doing that before I wiped it off with a paper towel. Mom produced a hair brush from somewhere and brushed it back to the point that it looked mostly normal. I still looked like a wreck.

She walked back with me to the office. As we began to enter the conference room I heard a voice say, "sorry it took me so long to get down here, I was finishing up in court with something." I turned around and saw Mr. Hancock standing there.

"Hi Tiffany," he told me.

I couldn’t believe he came down here on what must have been incredibly short notice, "Thanks for coming…" I said, trying not to start crying again. I knew with him present I would have a strong advocate.

As we walked in with him present Mrs. Hinther said, "Excuse me, he’s not a guardian and will not be allowed in this meeting…"

"Is that so?" He asked her. "Well then you’d better go ahead and let Mr. Jameson know that there will be a suit placed against the district by the end of the day."

I think she was surprised that he was going on the same line as Mom. "On what grounds?"

"Well first of all you’re not allowing a parent to have legal counsel with her when her daughter has been attacked at school. I might begin to believe that you condone the actions of the two students and wish to be lumped in with them."

"You can’t pull this. Mrs. Harris would you please call the police to have Mr. Hancock removed from the campus!"

"Mrs. Hinther, may I speak with you for a moment?" Another voice asked from the office. I wasn’t sure who it was, but it sounded familiar. Really all of this was just a fog around me — I wasn’t that coherent.

I know this incident doesn’t seem like that serious… I mean after all every student has been attacked in this manner at some point right? I certainly had more physical harm done to me last year at times. For me this was an event that was everything I’d feared might happen to me. Being attacked, called names, and threatened with some sort of sexual assault. It was eating at the very core of a fragile feeling of security that had formed since coming back to school yesterday. Well, not really eating, it had bashed and shattered that feeling. The worst part was now I had to deal with the mess that it already seemed to be causing.

"Mr. Hancock, I’m sorry for overreacting, you may stay for this meeting." Mrs. Hinther came back in and said.

I was taken aback by her change in attitude this quickly, but a second later saw who was responsible — Mr. Jameson, the Superintendent, had come to the school.

He joined my mom, Mr. Hancock, Mrs. Hinther, Mrs. Henry, and me at the table. "Okay, so what happened here today?" Mr. Hancock asked me after starting a tape recorder.

I managed to relate the events and what happened as calmly as I could… I only sniffled and had some tears go down my face — I managed not to outright bawl. I think I was pretty cried out at this point.

When I finished Mrs. Hinther responded, "Clearly I believe that this is a sign that this arrangement isn’t going to work. I believe we need to move Tiffany to a separate educational unit for…"

"Excuse me Mrs. Hinther, but that is completely unacceptable to my clients," Mr. Hancock started. "As we have previously discussed with you, all students must be in the ‘least restrictive environment.’ To place Tiffany in that situation would not follow the law. Tiffany’s grades are in the top three percent of her class. She has plenty of friends and relationships — proving that she can handle herself in the general population. Do you have some reason why she shouldn’t be in this population?"

"Well clearly h…she cannot be trusted to be in with other students. It’s only the second day and she has started a fight."

"Excuse me?" My mom and Mrs. Henry both asked.

My mom seemed surprised by Mrs. Henry asking the same question. Mrs. Henry also seemed equally surprised that she had let herself lose control.

"Mrs. Henry, Mrs. Hinther, may I see you in one of your offices?" Mr. Jameson asked calmly.

When they had left I asked mom, "How did he get here for this?"

Mr. Hancock answered though, "I called Robert as soon as your mom called me. I told him I had a feeling it would be in the district’s best interest to attend this meeting. He agreed."

"Why are they accusing me of starting the fight?" I asked Mr. Hancock.

"I think Mrs. Hinther is trying to drum up a charge to get you out of this school." He responded.

"Will they be able to do anything to Tiffany?" Mom asked him.

"I doubt it. It’s a good thing you called me though, I don’t like where this could go. We’ll see what their story is when they get back here."

We didn’t have to wait long, Mr. Jameson entered behind Mrs. Hinther and Mrs. Henry. As Mrs. Hinther sat down she looked at me and said, "Tiffany you have my apologies, I was out of line."

Mr. Jameson then spoke, "I assure you that there will be no action taken against Tiffany for this incident. We obviously cannot, and will not, discuss actions against other students due to privacy concerns, but I will assure you they will be punished."

"And the concerns, that were raised by Mrs. Hinther, about segregating Tiffany from the population?"

"That would be a foolish thing that will not be done while I’m superintendent. We have spoken and Tiffany will be treated with respect," I saw him give a glare towards Mrs Hinther, "and allowed to proceed through her education without interference. Everything will be done to maintain a safe environment for her — including punishment for anyone that attacks her."

"We would like to file a formal complaint against the students with the police in regards to this incident," Mr. Hancock told him.

"I can fully understand that, ‘Mrs. Hinther would you please call the school’s resource officer to the office?’" Mr. Jameson ordered.

I could tell she was in deep trouble with him as she walked away with her shoulders slumped down.

Discussions continued, statements were given to the resource officer, and they eventually noted that it was time for my lunch. Mr. Hancock stepped out to talk to the secretary for a few moments and then came back in. "Do you have what you need?" he asked the resource officer.

"I do, I don’t know what all we’ll be able to do at this point — this is going to probably need to be handled at the school level for this incident. We have it on paper though for now and we will have it for any further incidents."

"There’d better be more than enough deterrent to prevent that," my mom said to the principals.

"I assure you things will be taken care of," Mrs. Henry told us.

"Very well then." Mr. Hancock said while standing up. He led Mom and I out to the office.

"Would you two like to join Amy and I for lunch?" He asked Mom and I.

"Sure," Mom said. "Let me just check Tiffany out, hasn’t Amy eaten already?"

"I sent for her a little bit ago, we’ll bring them back after lunch."

We left for a brief lunch to a nearby Chinese restaurant. After eating off the buffet and having a chance to chat with Amy, being reassured by her that I would be okay to return to classes, I managed to gather enough courage to go back to school.

After all was said and done we returned to school in time to go to English. Kyle, David, Lindsey, Ashley, Nikki, etc. all completely surrounded me making sure I was okay. They were all concerned by what had happened. It was interesting — everyone except Jarred from the trip was sticking by me so far… who would have thought anyone, let alone a large group would stand behind me?

There were more threats issued towards Jarred and Lucas than I cared to catalog, and I somehow knew that I should have a while without problems from them. Jarred wasn’t in class — apparently the administration was following through with their promise to take care of things. I was afraid of what he was going to do to me to get even now though.

English proceeded that day with us getting textbooks. I had apparently missed a couple earlier from other classes. I’d get them tomorrow — I didn’t really care at this point. As I went through my last class, band, my friends never left my side. I arrived home without further incident that day.

Chapter 18

AS SOON AS I got home that day I had to quickly get ready to go to a dance class that I was starting. It looked like I was going to be having a very busy time during my weeks this school year. Mom had signed me up for two nights of dance classes, a night of gymnastics, a night of Tae Kwon Do, and my sax lessons doubling on the night of Tae Kwon Do. Of course, this was because I asked her to.

Prior to the film money my parents might have been able to afford one of those… but certainly not all four. It was definitely more than any one kid should do… but I had reasons for everything. Of the two nights of dance class one was a traditional ballet class and the other was a "cheer" dance class. The studio had enough girls interested in improving their chances to make the elite dance team at our high school that they could fill a class for that.

After this summer I really wanted to become a cheerleader, and possibly even get on the dance team I now knew they were putting together this fall. I figured both classes would give me a much better shot at achieving that goal. The gymnastics lessons were going to be one-on-one with an instructor to help me with that goal as well. And of course I didn’t really have a choice on the Tae Kwon Do lessons… they were a good idea and my parents were making me take them.

Mom came home at 4:30, fed me, and got me to the dance studio by 5. There were nine other girls in the dance class — all beginners like me — and I found myself having a great time throughout the class. Actually, because of the summer camp I felt like I was a bit better off than everyone else. I had a lot of fun, but it certainly was a lot of work.

All of the girls in the class were from other schools; none of them knew that I wasn’t physically a girl — and I did everything I could to keep it that way. We all talked a little bit as we finished up — but overall there hadn’t been a lot of time to get to know anyone. Just before we left the instructor came up to Mom and I, "I just wanted to tell you Tiffany that since you’ve done this stuff before maybe you should be in the level two class we offer."

"Done this before?" I asked.

"Surely you’ve done this before? You were doing so well with everything. I mean it’s clear that you haven’t done more than a year of training, but you’ve obviously had a very good year of training before."

I looked at her with a stunned expression on my face, "Umm… I’ve never done any of this before coming to class today," I told her.

"Any of it?" She asked incredulously.

"No, I went to a cheer camp this summer but that’s it. Never anything with ballet." I told her.

Mom piped in at this point, "Why don’t we go through another week of class, and if you still feel like Tiffany should move up we can think about it then?"

"That sounds fair enough. I’m thoroughly impressed Tiffany, you could do very well if you continue in this," she told me with a pat on the back.

"Thanks Mrs. Tyler," I told her as we left.

I was beaming by the time we were on our way home from that. During the time I had been in the dance class I’d managed to forget about everything that had happened that day. Maybe, given enough time, I would be able to have experiences like I’d had that night and at cheer camp — where no one knew that I was different from everyone else.

I worked on some homework for awhile until I got a phone call from Amy.

"Hey Tiffany, how are you doing?" She asked me.

"Actually I’m doing okay right now I guess." I told her.

"How was ballet?" She asked me.

"It was a lot of fun — I actually had the teacher fooled into thinking I’d studied for a year already."

"How’d you do that?"

"I’m not really sure. I guess I was picking up everything fast enough that she assumed I had been studying already. She wants me to join the next level up," I told her with a smile on my face.

"That’s cool, are you going to?"

"Mom wants me to wait and see what happens next week first. If I continue doing this well she’ll do it."

"That’s awesome. So you were kind of able to forget about earlier a bit?" She asked me.

"Yeah… kind of." I paused for a moment. She seemed to know to wait, "you know if today was the first day of this stuff how bad is it going to get?"

For some reason I was past tears… I wasn’t really sure why. I should have been bawling — instead I just felt numb about it all.

"Tiffany I don’t know, but we’ll all be here for you. From what Dad told me I don’t think you should have any more problems for a little while at least from the school. I don’t know, I’m a little worried about what Jarred’s parents are going to do about all of this. They’re fairly involved with the school board — they could cause problems."

"Yeah, I’m worried about that too."

"It’ll work out though Tiff, just wait and see." She told me.

"I sure hope it will."

We kept talking about a lot of different things for a while until we got to a topic I hadn’t really thought about. "So Tiffany, your birthday is like next Friday right?"

"Yeah it is. I haven’t really thought much about it though. I’ve been too worried about trying to get through this week."

"So what are you planning on doing for it?" I could sense she was trying to keep me thinking about positive things.

"I don’t know… I haven’t really talked to my parents about it. Usually I just end up having some sort of dinner and cake with my grandparents coming over. I’d kind of like to do something different this year — twelve isn’t as big as thirteen, but it’s my first birthday as Tiffany."

"We really should do something cool. Let me talk with my mom about a couple ideas I have." She told me.

"Like what?"

"Let me talk to her first okay," she said with a bit of glee in her voice. She was up to something; I hoped it was going to be good.

"Okay… Let me know soon though — otherwise I’ll get stuck into the same old lame tradition." I told her.

"Trust me! I’m not going to let you have another lame birthday party!" She told me. I could feel the smile on the other side of the phone. After a few more minutes of talking she let me off so we could both work on finishing our homework.

That night I went to bed and woke up three times to different nightmares about getting called names, beaten up, and in the one my dad woke me up to get ready for school it was even worse.

DAD HAD TO hug me and help get me moving after that one. He asked me what my nightmare was about… But I couldn’t go into it with him. It had been a dream that Jarred and Lucas were making good on their promises. I honestly was completely innocent in my way of thinking at that time — and really only understood what happened in sex due to my research on becoming a ‘real’ girl.

That was more than enough though for my brain to come up with an attack by the two of them. Somehow I found myself dressed in a skirt and a blouse, hair done, and looking pretty when Amy’s mom honked to pick me up that morning.

Amy’s mom knew something was wrong when she saw me though. "Tiffany are you alright?" She asked me.

"I guess…"

"I guess isn’t alright," Amy said to me gently.

"I just," I paused and breathed, "I just had a really bad dream last night. Well actually a three of them. I don’t really remember the first two — I just remember waking up — but the last one’s kind sticking in my head."

"What happened?" her mom asked me gently.

"I don’t really want to talk about it," I told her softly.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

At that point I definitely was fighting the tears, my voice cracked as I said, "no, I really don’t."

Amy gave me a hug and I did my best to keep myself in control. I didn’t really want to get to school and look like I’d been crying. A few tears went down my face though as I said, "I dreamed that Lucas and Jarred attacked me…"

"Like beat you up attacked you?"

"Worse…" I said unevenly. "They were doing other things to me."

I wiped the three tears that had escaped my eye off of my face with the palm of my hand. ‘I should be letting myself break down,’ I thought to myself, but I couldn’t do it right then.

Amy undid her seatbelt and gave me a hug, "It’ll be alright Tiffany, it was just a dream."

"Tiffany, do you feel like you really should be going to school today?" Her mom asked me. She had stopped the car at a red stoplight and turned around to look at me.

"Not really… but I have to go. I can’t run." I told her. My voice was far more firm and secure than I felt.

"If you change your mind call your mom or me okay?" She told me. She had to turn around and start driving. "She set it up to where Greg and I can pick you up from school too if we need to."

"Thank you," I told her with a forced smile.

Amy handed me a Kleenex and after using it to wipe my face I blew my nose. Amy rubbed my back with her hand the rest of the way there. Somehow by the time we got there I managed to look decent again.

Stepping out of the car that day was as big a challenge as anything. I knew that I had allies, but I also knew that there were other Jarred’s and Lucas’s out there. I wasn’t even sure that the two of them were done with me — rather I doubted that was the case.

We walked up to the school to follow the usual routine and I made it to first hour without incident. During class we were given some time just to talk while we were doing a crossword puzzle. So Kyle, Ashley, Lindsey, Amy, and I just pushed our desks together so we could talk.

"So have you heard about what happened with Jarred and Lucas?" Ashley asked me.

"No, no one has told me anything today yet. And… yesterday I just tried to make it through the day." I was fighting to keep my composure. Just the mention of Jarred and Lucas brought the nightmare and yesterday’s incident right back to the front of my mind.

Amy sensed trouble, but before she could try and warn Ashley off she told me, "Well they were going to try to expel them, so they gave them a ten day suspension until they could have the hearing. Jarred’s dad though apparently has more power than my parents thought — they threatened to sue the district if that happened — so they just gave both of them a five day out of school suspension."

"That’s it?!?" Lindsey asked incredulously.

"Well it could have been worse. They tried to get my dad’s TV station to run a story on how the district was allowing Tiffany to come to school and ‘disrupt’ the learning environment."

I was being pushed past the breaking point right now. I hadn’t even thought of the possibility that the news media might get involved with this. I think Ashley finally got the hint at that point and tried to do some damage control.

"Tiffany, don’t worry about that happening though, okay?" She started. "Remember my dad is the manager, he chooses whether stuff like this gets on or not. He likes you, and doesn’t want to see you hurt, so he squashed the story flat before it was able to take off." She said the last part with no small amount of pride in her voice.

"Tell him thank you for me," I told her with a forced smile. "What about the other stations and the newspapers though?" I asked her.

"He also let them know in no uncertain terms that if they ran with this story he would make sure there was a lot more coverage on his station about the ‘irresponsibility’ of running a story about a minor. I don’t think it’ll come up anytime soon around here." She told me.

"Thanks Ashley, your dad is awesome."

"I’ll tell him you said that. He also said he was going to call your parents and warn them though — so they have a heads up."

First hour seemed to finish pretty quickly after that, and second hour soon followed. As we were walking down the hall to choir a kid called me another uncreative derogatory remark.

Unfortunately for him though David was still walking with me. I’m not even exactly sure how David managed to do it, but the kid ended up sprawled on the floor pulling a wedgie out of his rear end. He mumbled a quick apology to me as he then scampered on to his next class. I just smiled at David and waved as Amy and I split off to go another direction.

As I sat down on the choir riser Kristina came up to me, "Tiffany are you doing okay?" I turned to look at her and saw some genuine concern. That surprised me given the fact we’d known each other all of three days now.

"Better so far today," I told her.

"I can’t believe what those two jerks did. And then I can’t believe that the school basically let them get away with it!"

"Yeah, I know five days of suspension is a lot — but it definitely wasn’t enough. I just hope maybe the two of them won’t try anything for the rest of the year."

She whispered to me and Amy at this point, "Actually the word’s gotten out that anyone who messes with you is going to be taken out by the football team and beaten."

"Good," Amy said.

"I won’t turn down help," I added.

"It’s kind of interesting that it’s not just the seventh grade players though, somehow David and Kyle convinced Bobby — he’s the captain this year — to get the eighth graders in line." Katrina said this with her eyebrows raised a little bit — and a big smile.

"I just hope that it doesn’t come back as something that they’re acting nice and they attack me when I don’t expect it…" I said warily.

"I think you’re safe Tiffany," Amy told me.

"Especially if you make the dance team." Katrina added. "You are trying out right?"

"I want to. Has she set the dates yet?" I asked.

"Not yet, she told me she’d have them by Friday though. I know she wants to have a week of working out and a Saturday session before having the tryouts. But she also said by the end of September, so I’d guess that last week will be the tryouts and the week before that the other part."

"How’s that going to work out with all of the cheerleaders that are sure to want to try out?" I asked.

"I think we’re just going to make that cheer practice that week." Amy told me.

"Well, I’m not getting my hopes up — but I’d really like to make it."

"You should Tiff. I saw the video from your camp yesterday at practice — I couldn’t believe how well both of you did." Kristina told me.

"Are you talking about their video from their camp?" Lindsey butted in.

"Yeah," Kristina said.

"That was really cool Tiffany — I couldn’t believe some of the stuff that you all did." Lindsey added.

"You took the video to practice?" I asked Amy. I wasn’t sure what I thought about that.

"I thought maybe it would help you out if some of the other girls could see how talented you are." She told me, "Are you okay with that?"

"I suppose. I think I’m just nervous because of yesterday. So you really thought I was okay?" I asked Kristina.

"Yea…"

"Time to start class Ladies," Ms. Beecher said ending our conversation.

"Sorry," I said meekly. I was among a chorus of a few girls there.

I kind of felt bad — how rude had we been? I didn’t know, but I was definitely enjoying her as a teacher. She actually taught us! It was another fun day in choir that led up to Algebra.

This time Amy didn’t let me out of her sight and we made it to class without incident. Towards the end of that class Mr. Martin asked me to come up to his desk. "Tiffany, are you doing alright?"

"For the most part Mr. Martin." I replied to him.

"I’m terribly sorry about what happened to you before my class yesterday," he told me. "If there is anything you need — or if there are any students giving you a hard time please let me know."

"Thanks," I told him.

"Did you have a good summer?" He asked me.

"Yes. It was definitely a busy one." I told him.

"What all did you do?" He asked me. This was kind of awkward… I guess he was trying to make sure I really was alright?

"We went to Florida in June, then I went to a cheer camp with Amy in July, and other than that I had a lot of appointments and such." I answered.

"I can imagine. Well anyway I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay, let me know if you need anything." He told me as I walked over to my desk and he wrapped up class.

At lunchtime that day I actually had fun talking with the group that sat at our table. Kristina, Lindsey, and I talked a lot about the video they had seen. I enjoyed the look on their faces when I told them about the college team that had tossed me.

"How high did you go?" Lindsey asked incredulously. "Is she serious?" she asked Amy.

"Yeah, I couldn’t believe how lucky she was that she got picked. First she gets to be on the top of that massive pyramid — and then she gets to get tossed by these really hot college guys!" She giggled. "She even has a picture of it too!"

"So what are you up to tonight?" Amy asked me. The two of us hadn’t been able to get together after school at all this week so far since she had cheer practice.

"Well I’ve got an appointment with Dr. Reynolds right after school. Then at 7 I’ve got that dance class for cheer stuff." I told her.

"That’s so cool that you’re taking that," Amy said. "I wished I could take it — but we have football games till about then that we’ll be cheering for each week."

"You’re already on the squad, so you’ll have a better shot of making the dance squad no matter what you do." I told her.

"I think you’ll both have a good shot at it," Kristina replied to me.

"I hope you’re right," I said as we walked out of the cafeteria that day to sit outside and talk. The conversation moved to more mundane stuff before we all headed off to our other classes. From there my day ran just as smoothly — it was a nice change from the day before.

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To Be Continued...

 
Synopsis

In many ways Tiffany is the newest girl in her small community near Albuquerque, New Mexico. In the whirlwind of the last few weeks she has emerged from the shell of a scared and confused little boy named Brandon. Ever since Tiffany's parents confirmed with her their suspicions of her deepest wants and needs, they've supported her completely. With solid support from her family, her best friend and family and surprisingly, her growing circle of other friends it seems she might have a chance for a successful future.

'Can all this last?' is one of the biggest questions on her mind now. 'Will everyone stick with me when things get tough?' She's had an amazingly easy last couple weeks and she knows it won't last. What will happen when she returns to school? And most importantly, what will her psychiatrist decide? Will her doctor force her to return to living the lie as Brandon? These fears and more whirl in her mind as she looks to an uncertain future.

Daring to Hope is the continuing story of a bright, talented, and beautiful girl, who dares to hope for a future that is one based on happy dreams.

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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

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The Legal Stuff: Daring to Hope  © 2008 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2008 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
 
 
Last month I finally got around to publishing the first book of this trilogy, Standing Up to Life here at BigCloset. I had been delayed in publishing it there while trying to get it also published by Lulu.com. Well it’s taken me a bit longer on this book to get it up here as well, but here it is!

Like the first book I posted here, I am posting a standard copy of this here at BigCloset, and announcing that I have two versions available for purchasing through My Store at Lulu.com. Back by popular demand is the ebook download of the book. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be most interested in this edition of the book. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it from my store($3.00 for the ebook). I also have a hardback edition that is available, and will work on making a paperback edition available as well here in the coming weeks. With both the paperback and hardback editions I hope to have them available through Amazon.com in a couple months as well, and will offer to have Erin sell it through her Amazon page at that time.

Thank you to all of you, my amazing readers! Your comments have kept me going through some times when I thought I would never be able to write or edit another minute! Speaking of editing, thanks to my amazing editor, Carla Ann, for helping me out with this large work. Now that this project is coming to a close I hope to be able to focus solely on Book 3, and have that ready for you all this summer. Since it is the concluding book of the series I wish to be sure that it’s done right. Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy this book!

     -Tiffany Shar

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Chapter 19
 
 
AFTER BAND I gathered my stuff quickly to go out to get picked up by my dad for my appointment with Dr. Reynolds. "How was your day Tiffany?" He asked me as I got in.

"It was good Daddy," I told him.

"So nothing happened today?" He asked me.

"Nothing bad at least." I told him.

He began the thirty minute drive to Dr. Reynolds office and went with me upstairs. Dr. Reynolds asked to talk to him for a few minutes alone before she began with me — by this time I was used to the drill of being talked about before I went in. I looked over at the table next to me and began reading through a fashion magazine that was laying next to me.

I didn’t really pay much attention to what I was looking at though. I was sure that Dr. Reynolds was getting a huge update on stuff that had happened in the past few days… I didn’t know what she would say about it… There really wasn’t anything she could do to make it go away.

After what seemed like an eternity I joined her in the office while my dad waited in the waiting room. "Hi Tiffany, how are you doing today?" She asked me.

"Fine I guess… I have a feeling my dad told you about yesterday?"

She nodded. "He told me some things, but I’d like you to tell me yourself."

"Well where do you want me to begin?" I asked her.

"Well why don’t you start with telling me how things began on Tuesday?" She suggested.

"Okay," I told her. I began to tell her about how well things started off on Tuesday. It had been great how I’d been seemingly accepted by my peers — most of them didn’t even recognize me. I told her about when Jarred told everyone about me, how I’d felt betrayed and scared all at the same time then. I continued through the events that happened after school and actually managed to smile when I told her about how Kristina and a lot of others didn’t seem to mind when I talked to them on Wednesday.

I actually managed to tell her most of the stuff about my attack that day without crying. "I was so scared, especially when they threatened to do something more to me than just beat me up," I told her with tears rolling down my face. "I did everything I could at that point to get away — and it doesn’t really help that I think the principal believes I should be getting treated like this." She asked me to explain more about the last part.

In my sessions to that point Dr. Reynolds had hid her own personal opinions very well on everything we’d talked about. She of course had been at the first meeting and wasn’t extremely surprised to learn that I felt animosity from the principal, but she was appalled by what had happened in our latest meeting. Dad hadn’t been at the meeting so he hadn’t really been able to tell what had happened as well. For a brief moment I could see an incredible amount of outrage on her face. Amazingly that outrage didn’t last long before being hidden back behind a veil of professionalism.

I got through telling her about making it the rest of the day, a little about dance class, and told her "Everything today actually went pretty well. I only had one kid say anything mean, and David shut him up really quick."

"Who’s David?" She asked me. Before I knew it I was going through a ton of questions first about him, and then more about Kyle. She seemed surprised by the number of allies I had and she commented on that.

"Before we end today Tiffany, I wanted to ask you about the dreams you had last night."

"…How do you know about those?" Dad knew I’d woken up crying, but I hadn’t told him anything specific.

"Well your dad told me about how you woke up — but also Dr. Hancock called me earlier today to tell me about the conversation she had with you this morning. So what happened?"

I honestly had hoped not to discuss these dreams — but I should have known better. We must have spent thirty minutes just discussing the dreams and her reassuring me that things would be okay. She also gave me instructions to call her if I needed to before my next appointment.

Before we left she pulled my dad in for a few minutes and talked through my journal and some other things before he drove me home. "Daddy, how are we going to make these appointments work? You can’t keep taking off work each week."

"My boss understands that there are some things going on with you." He must have sensed my wide open eyes looking at him, "No, she doesn’t know the specifics, at least not yet, but she told me to take whatever time I needed. She said she won’t dock me for these afternoons. Besides, I’m on salary so I’ll just get whatever I can’t get done on these afternoons done another time. Dr. Reynolds also told me it should only be a couple more weeks that we do this every week."

We arrived home about 5:30 to find that Mom had already made dinner. I scarfed down the casserole she had made and quickly changed into a pair of the shorts and a t-shirt that I had gotten from the cheer camp. The t-shirt I had chosen was just one of the general cheerleading shirts from the camp. But, it was really cute and I thought it would be appropriate to wear for a cheerleading class.

The class was being held in the same facility as my ballet lessons, so at least it was a little more familiar that night. As I walked in I kind of hoped that I would know someone there. I looked around hoping to see a familiar face somewhere and I quickly learned that wouldn’t be the case. I was relieved in a way though, as it would be another class where no one would know about me — that definitely had its’ pluses.

The teacher began class shortly after I arrived, and it quickly became clear to me that there were two types of girls in the class. There were those that had never done a day of dancing/cheerleading in their life and those that were actually on a cheerleading squad or had dance experience. Within that first group of girls, about half the class, about eighty percent of them were hopeless.

I was pleasantly surprised to find that I fit in very well with the second group of girls — those that had experience — and found myself being asked to help some of the hopeless girls. Among them was a girl named Brianna.

I give Brianna a lot of credit, she tried at least as hard as what I did at camp this summer, and she did improve while I helped her… But the poor girl had absolutely no sense of rhythm at all. Just getting her to tap her feet to the counts we were going through slowly was impossible! I don’t think that it helped that her becoming a cheerleader/dancer was not real likely just due to her size.

She was easily almost 6 feet tall, and weighed at least double my weight, if not triple. I’ve been mocked/picked-on/stamped into the ground enough that I wasn’t about to start being mean to her though. I knew that even with as tall as she was she probably got teased a lot. I tried to help her as best I could, and she seemed to appreciate it. The class was ninety minutes long and I spent a good forty-five trying to help her. At the end of the class the teacher asked us to each individually demonstrate, slowly, the first dance we were working on.

She seemed to be intelligent and caring enough to go through some of the girls like Brianna first. I felt really bad as I watched one of the girls actually do far worse than Brianna had been doing to start off the demonstrations. From there things actually got steadily worse until Brianna got up there and did better than the first girls.

I ended up being asked to go last — I would have thought I’d have gone in the middle somewhere — and found myself smiling and doing all of the moves very well. I felt comfortable doing it and had a lot of fun. At the end the girls surprised me by cheering for me fairly loudly. We’d all been giving some polite applause to each other, but nothing that loud.

I found myself turning a deep shade of red but forced myself to smile. "Very nice job Tiffany," Ms. Clemens, the teacher told me.

"Okay everyone! Make sure you all take one of these count sheets home with you to work on this week. I want to be able to run through this with music by the time you get back. I have tapes for you to practice with here too."

As I grabbed my tape and count sheet from her she asked, "Tiffany can you stay for just a moment?"

"Sure Ms. Clemens," I told her.

As I stood by the side Mom came up to me and gave me a hug, "Nice job sweetie, I was really impressed by how well you did that."

"Thanks Mommy," I told her while hugging her back.

A moment later Brianna came over to me, "Tiffany you’re really good at this. How long have you been doing it?"

"Does a summer camp count?" I asked her.

"That’s it?" She asked incredulously. "Wow, you’re really talented then. Anyway I wanted to thank you for helping me. I know I must have seemed completely hopeless — I was certainly doing worse than anyone else before you started helping me. You really helped me a lot. Thanks."

"Anytime," I told her. I found myself then talking to the teacher.

"Tiffany did I just hear you tell that girl that you have only done this at a summer camp so far?"

I nodded.

"Wow. I don’t know if you know this yet or not but I’m the high school dance squad instructor. Which junior high do you go to?"

"Holden Junior High," I responded.

"Are you on the cheerleading squad yet?"

"No, I wasn’t able to try out last year." It was a bit of a lie… but I didn’t want to cause her to think I was a freak until she knew me as me.

"You should have. Mrs. Holt is planning on starting up a dance squad this next year though right?"

"Yeah, I’ve heard that we’re going to have tryouts the last week of September?"

"Well let me get you something really quick for you to work on for the tryouts," she said as she went over to her bag. "This is a routine that I’m planning on teaching this class in a couple months — it would be great for you to tryout on if they let you pick your own routine." She handed me a count sheet with directions on it and a tape.

"Umm… Thanks. I appreciate it."

"No problem Tiffany, I want to make sure you get on that team so you can get some experience before coming up to the high school. I think you could do really well on our squad up there."

"Thanks, I’ll see you next week," I told her as I was pulled to the door.

As I sat in the car while Mom drove me home I wondered to myself if I was really that talented or not. Were people just too nice to tell me I sucked? "Mom did I really look like I was doing well when you watched me?"

"Sweetie, I know I’m biased, but I really do believe you did better than any of the other girls out there."

"Thanks," I told her.

When I got home I hopped into the shower since I had been sweating a lot. I went ahead and washed my hair while I was in there — I thought that could save me some time in the morning — and put on a pair of comfy pajamas when I was done. I had just sat down in the living room to work on the one homework assignment I had received that day when the phone rang.

I jumped up and ran over to the phone yelling, "I’ve got it," to anyone who might care.

"Hello?"

"Tiffany?" It was Amy’s voice.

"Hey Amy, how was the game?"

"It was great! You should have seen it — David intercepted and ran with the ball for like twenty yards with six guys trying to pull him down before he got the touchdown. It was awesome! Then Kyle ended up coming in as quarterback and threw two touchdowns himself."

"Cool!"

"How did your stuff go?" She asked me.

"Well my appointment with Dr. Reynolds was… well an appointment with Dr. Reynolds. It’s kind of hard to describe what it’s like — it’s not a lot, and yet it is. Anyway, I made it through it. She seems to think I’m doing alright — she was rather mad about the incident the other day."

"Did you talk about your nightmares with her at all?" She asked me.

"Umm… yeah… she thought they should improve as I get farther away from the incident. I don’t know that I really believe that or not though. I just hope she’s right — it was a really awful dream."

Amy, sensing she needed to change the subject, asked "so how was the dance class?"

"It was really cool Amy. I think maybe I might actually have found something I could be really good at." I told her about everything including about Brianna, "I feel so bad for her Amy, she was trying so hard — and she did get better, but I can’t honestly see anyone ever letting her on a team just based on her size and looks. Isn’t that awful?"

"Yeah it is… I don’t really know that there’s a good answer for it though. At least you’re being nice to her though. Maybe she can come as far as you have if she’s given a chance."

"I guess that’s something." I replied. "So did you come up with any ideas for my birthday next week?" I asked her.

"How about you come stay the night tomorrow and we’ll talk about it?" She suggested.

"Why have you thought about something?"

"Of course. Actually I spent some time speaking with my mom last night, and I know she talked to your mom today, but I’ll tell you tomorrow at my house?"

"Okay, but I don’t know that I really want to wait till then to hear your plans," I said with fake exasperation.

"Oh you poor baby… I think you can wait. Trust me." She said. "So have you done this math assignment yet?" she asked me.

"I was just starting to work on it."

"You want to finish it together on the phone?"

"Sure, assuming my mom doesn’t complain that she needs the phone." I told her. It wasn’t as good as being able to work on it in the same place, but at least it was better than not hanging out with her at all. I hadn’t really been in the mood to do much this week — but the fact that we weren’t hanging out with each other every spare moment was kind of saddening.

After about twenty minutes we finished up with the homework and we ended up giving up the phone so our mom’s could talk to each other. Apparently they were in the midst of planning a party for me — and I had a feeling that they may have been working on it even before Amy asked yesterday.

I went to bed that night feeling like maybe I had a chance at a somewhat normal life this year.
 
 
Chapter 20
 
 
THE NEXT DAY the whole school was talking about the football game that had taken place the day before. Kyle and David were both being seen as the two coolest seventh grade guys in school. Fortunately for me I was part of the group of girls that hung out with them and that, of course, raised my status considerably.

That day I still heard conversations about me, but they seemed to be growing tired of me and were ready to move onto someone else. By the end of the day they had no new ammunition to attack me with and I was largely forgotten. I had worn a cute jumper that day and I had noticed a lot of various looks at me. It was as if I was an animal in a zoo with most of them — I might have come to school naked and had less staring actually…

I had been making it a point not to wear too ‘girly’ of clothing so as not to cause as much of a problem at school. It wasn’t like I’d been wearing boys clothes — they were definitely girls clothes — but I’d not been in a dress yet for most of them. It was amazing how this seemed to make everything step up to a whole new level of problems.

On one hand I received a lot of compliments on my outfit that day — many from teachers. I think a lot of them appreciated that I wasn’t just dressed in the normal baggy clothing that everyone else was wearing. For the girls many of them told me they ‘loved my outfit,’ and would love to have it themselves. Some of them just put on a fake smile as they walked by me and said hi.

Then there were a couple groups of girls that were clustered in a group as I passed and all started giggling and laughing — it may not have been about me, but it sure felt like it was. Some even just shook their heads at me and looked at me like I was a freak.

The boys were harder to read, but I think there were some that were checking me out every much as they would a normal girl. On at least one of those occasions I saw their friends slug them as if to remind them that ‘Dude, she’s not really a girl — what are you thinking?’

Overall though, things went well for me that day — at least I didn’t have any assaults that day. I did have a couple of ‘freak’ comments, but those seemed to be dying away. I think my novelty status was wearing off fast — and with a good support group of friends things seemed to be going okay. I had dealt with name calling for so long, that if that was all they were going to do, I figured I could deal with it. Eventually maybe they’d forget about me and things would settle down.

TGIF! Finally Amy and I could hang out after school. As busy as our schedules were it hadn’t been possible during the week at all. We rode to her house on the bus that day and quickly got into our swimsuits and went swimming. We were both so excited to be able to spend some time together — this week that had been scarce — and the two of us were extremely hyper by the time her mom came home and told us to go get dried off and get ready to go to dinner.

Amy put on a skirt with a top that looked really cute while I put my jumper back on. "So Tiffany how did your day go?" Amy’s mom asked me as we headed out to her car.

"It went much better, thanks for asking." I told her.

"Mom where are we going for dinner?" Amy asked.

"We’re going to meet Tiffany’s parents at Outback," she told her.

"What’s Outback?" I asked.

"It’s a steakhouse, they have a lot of different things though," Melanie told me.

"They have really good bread!" Amy added.

Dinner was just as good as they said it would be — though I thought it was a little on the pricey side for my parents. Amy and I helped out by splitting an entree — and her parents picked that part of the bill up — so it actually wasn’t too bad for my parents.

As we sat during dinner I finally asked Amy, "So what is it that you think I should do for my birthday?"

"Can I tell her?" she asked her mom and mine.

"You might as well — she’s never going to stop bugging us all otherwise," her mom replied. My mom nodded as well.

"Well we’ve actually already been planning on a party for you for a month now." She told me with a smile.

"What? Really?" I asked excitedly.

"Yeah, ever since I pointed out to my mom that this was going to be ‘Tiffany’s’ first birthday."

"So what are we going to do?" I asked.

"Well I thought we’d start off with having over some of the girls and maybe a few of the guys from school for dinner, then cake and presents. We’ll have everyone over in time so we can go swimming before that and watch a movie or something. At eight I figured we could kick the boys out and we could have a regular slumber party with the girls that come. Does that sound fun?" She asked me.

"Yeah, it does. Are you alright with having this at your house?" I asked Amy’s mom.

"Absolutely!" I looked at my parents to make sure they were okay with that too. They both nodded.

"Cool!" I said with a lot of glee. "So who’s coming?" I asked Amy. We talked back and forth at a very rapid pace for the duration of the meal.

After dinner I grabbed a bag from my parents that had some clothes in it, before riding back to Amy’s house. When we got there she and I began working on finishing some invitations that she had started the night before. She told me her mom had thought about doing Barbie invitations but decided that it might be a little juvenile for twelve year olds. That didn’t stop us from playing with Barbies once we were done though. Honestly we talked about it and I could see us continuing to play with Barbies for a long time after this. We had so much fun doing it, ‘who cares what everyone else thinks?’

The two of us had a really great time hanging out that night. After everything that had gone on this past week, I was just happy we could hang out and talk that night — forgetting about everything else for a while. She told me about how cheerleading was going so far — and how terrible many of the girls were. "I can’t believe that some of them even made the team," Amy told me.

"Why do you think they made it?" I asked.

"Well one girl said that her mom said that there was a lot of ‘input’ from Mrs. Hinther. I think she pushed Mrs. Holt to take some girls she wouldn’t have otherwise put on the team. Plus there are a lot of girls like you that are way more talented, but didn’t try out."

"Well… I was still trying to be a boy back then," I told her with a wink and a giggle.

"True… So did you bring home the permission slip and forms to tryout for the dance squad?" She asked me.

"Yeah, they’re in my backpack. I’ll show them to Mom and Dad tomorrow when I get home. I’m really excited… Didn’t you say Mrs. Hinther had a lot to say about the last tryouts? Won’t she try and stop me from being on the team then?" I asked suddenly nervous. It wasn’t that I felt like I was a shoe-in, but I did feel like I had a good chance if there was a fair process.

"Mrs. Holt told my mom that she’s going to be making this decision solely with some impartial judges being involved — Mrs. Hinther isn’t to be a part of it."

"Good, that woman hates me." I told her.

"Yeah, she’s definitely a witch." She said trailing off as we began heading downstairs to go watch a movie. "Hey have you noticed how busy this next month is?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well we have your birthday party next Friday, the Film Festival that we’re flying to with our project is the next week, the dance camp is going to be the next week, and tryouts will be the following Friday."

"You’re right… This is going to be a crazy month. With everything else going on I actually forgot that we were going out for the festival this month!" I told her.

"I’m really looking forward to it! Even though Coach Holt wasn’t real appreciative of me telling her that Ashley and I are going to be gone during a football game..." She told me.

"I’ll bet! Oh well, it’s not like this is a small reason for skipping."

"No, it’s not. What do you think will happen at the festival?" She asked me as she put in a movie for us to watch.

"Who knows? I doubt much will happen. Personally, as long as we’re not booed out of the theater I don’t care," I told her.

"Do you think we might win a prize or something for it?" She asked me.

"Eehh… Maybe. I’m not counting on it though. I think we’ve won all of the prizes for it that we could at this point."

"You’re probably right. At least we get out of two days of school!"

"Not to mention we get to go to New York for free! I’m not going to complain about that one bit. Do you think we could see something else out of this?"

"I don’t know. Daddy seemed to think that we could end up with an award for a student production. None of us were older than twelve when we did it — so that should put us in the lowest category if they have such a thing."

"I doubt they do… I don’t know, it’s going to be cool though I bet." I told her.

"Yeah." She said as we began actually paying a little attention to the movie. The two of us watched movies and talked late that night before her mom came and pushed us to go to bed. I ended up sleeping in her room that night — I felt really safe and happy with Amy’s family, but was still stressed enough then that I didn’t want to go down the hall to ‘mine.’

It had been a great night though — not being able to hang out with Amy every day was starting to bother me a bit. Hopefully that would be a problem that would fix itself soon enough. Of course what chance did I really have of getting on the new squad? Especially if Mrs. Hinther had anything to say about it!

THE WEEKEND FLEW by way too fast. I had spent Saturday with Amy, her mom, and my mom, out shopping for decorations and other things for the party on Friday. I was really excited — I’d never had a real birthday party complete with friends before. Oh sure I’d had an occasional neighborhood friend at a party — but not any ‘real’ friends. Does that make sense?

Every other party I’d ever had had mainly my parents, grandparents, and occasionally some other family friends there. None of them, not one, had ever had real classmates at it. The excitement that I felt absolutely drove my mom nuts on Sunday. I didn’t stop bouncing off the walls the whole day.

Monday morning came, and in first hour I began handing out invitations to my party. Amy and I had decided to invite Kyle and David to the pool party/dinner/cake and presents part of the party. When I gave them the invitations and told them what we were planning they seemed to think it sounded like fun.

As far as girls I invited Lindsey, Jennifer, Ashley, Nikki, Lindsey, Amber, Kristina, and of course Amy. Jennifer told me she wouldn’t be able to make it — she had other family plans, but appreciated the invite. All of the rest said they hoped to make it. Kristina seemed surprised to receive the invite when I gave it to her in choir, but said she would come if she could. I had debated a bit about giving her one — I didn’t really know her yet — but Amy seemed to think that she would be a lot of fun to have there.

Monday actually turned out to be a reasonably good day — nothing happened beyond that! Honestly even last year at this time I hoped for such days, but they never came. To have something like today go that well gave me a lot of hope going into the rest of the week. After all I think people had a lot more reason to want to pick on me now…

The next day things seemed to be on track to being another good day until sixth hour. In sixth hour one of the girls I didn’t know that well, Cassie, decided that today would be a good day to make her thoughts about me known — publicly. We had a short essay that we were writing for the class about our thoughts on some current event issue — I became issue number one for her.

As she spoke her essay began, "I believe that everyone is created by God to have one sex, either boy or girl. There should be no reason to…" I’m sure you can see where all of this led to… it was really dreadful. She finished with, "And that’s why I believe Brandon shouldn’t be allowed to continue acting like he’s a girl. He’s such a…"

"Thank you Cassie," Ms. Damien interrupted at this point.

"But I’m not finished ma’am. Don’t I have the right to free speech?" She asked.

"Cassie your right to free speech is why I let you read as much as I did. However, this has now turned away from free speech and into an attack on an individual. Please see me after class to talk about this," She said.

Cassie sulked back to her seat where she glared at me for the rest of the period. On our way to band Nikki said, "I can’t believe Ms. Damien let her read that much of her essay! It was awful all of the things she was implying about you."

I shrugged my shoulders, "I’m sure this won’t be the last time this happens. She really couldn’t justify stopping her up until when she did… That’s something Dr. Reynolds and I have talked about a lot. They have the right to feel that I’m a freak, they have the right to hate what I’m doing, but realistically no one can really do anything about it until there is a direct action against me."

"That’s not right Tiffany," she told me, "you’re such a cool person — you always have been — no one should be allowed to bring you down." She told me.

"I appreciate the fact you feel that way Nikki — it helps dull some of the pain from the comments." I said as I gave her a hug at the band hall door.

That day in band Mrs. Remar decided to start working a piece of music that we were going to play while marching in the high schools homecoming parade in early October. The piece was Louie Louie, and was kind of challenging for the band. She ended up throwing her hands up at the end of class and saying, "PRACTICE THIS!"

I of course made sure I took my horn home that night so I didn’t have to worry about her getting angry at me the next day! As I rode the bus home though I really didn’t know when I was going to find time to practice. I was supposed to have my first gymnastics lesson that night from 6pm-8pm, and I really didn’t want to practice immediately after school. Plus there was homework…

Somehow by 5:15 I had finished both my homework and my practicing in time to eat a quick dinner and change into some clothes for gymnastics. The instructor that I had just asked that I wear a pair of cotton shorts, a light t-shirt, a sports bra if I needed it, and had my hair tied back. If I ended up doing anything competitive they would have me start buying leotards and such.

I didn’t really need a sports bra… but I had convinced my mom that I wanted to fit in so she had bought me one anyway! The thought had me smiling as I got dressed to leave. Amy’s mom had gotten us connected with this gymnastics studio and I was going to be working with a local college student one-on-one on stuff. It wasn’t going to be cheap, but I really wanted to learn how to do some things like tumbling, and who knew what else?

Now that I was out as a girl I was able to act out on a lot of the dreams I had as a kid. Even before realizing that I wanted to be Tiffany I’d always been jealous of the gymnasts doing all of the cool stuff. Amy was really impressive with what she could do… but she had actually quit as of this year since she didn’t have any time with Cheerleading now.

Mom pulled up to a big metal sided building just before six. She went in with me and we checked in at a desk they had in the front.

"Hi, you must be new here?" The lady at the front asked.

"I’m Tiffany," I said to her while extending my hand to hers.

"It’s nice to meet you Tiffany, I’m Jan and this is my gym. You’re going to be working with Tara right?"

"Yes," my mom replied.

"Let me call her up here and she’ll get started with you," she told me. She spoke into a paging system through the phone asking for her to come up.

"So this is your first time doing anything with gymnastics?" She asked me.

"Yeah," I told her — nothing like short answers when you’re nervous around a new person.

"Well I hope you enjoy it. Tara is really good at pretty much everything we do here. She came in third place at nationals when she was fifteen — so she should be a really good teacher for you."

"Cool," I said as a brown-haired girl who was just under five feet tall came up to the counter.

"You called for me?" She asked Jan.

"Yes, this is Tiffany Jacobson — your new student." She told her.

I felt Tara look me over up and down for a few moments as she introduced herself. "Well are you ready to get started?" She asked me.

"Sure." I told her. I was really nervous as she intimidated me a lot for some reason.

Mom decided to stay and watch for today just to make sure everything went alright. She stayed on the side of the gym in a row of folding chairs they had setup while Tara led me onto a matted area.

"So what school are you at?" She asked me as she started leading me in some stretches.

"Holden Junior High" I answered.

"Oh that’s cool! That’s where I went to school." She told me with a smile. I think she could tell that I was incredibly nervous.

"What grade are you in?" She asked me.

"Seventh."

"So you’re thirteen?"

"No, I’m eleven until Friday."

"Wow, you’re young for your grade right?" She asked as she seemed to be mentally counting back her own age to that grade.

"Yeah, I just beat the deadline that year."

"Hey you’ll get to graduate earlier that way." She told me with a smile before asking, "So what is it you want to learn how to do?"

We switched to a different stretch as I answered her, "Well… I’d at least like to learn how to tumble… but I’d love to learn anything else too."

"Is there any specific reason you’re taking these lessons with me?" She asked.

"Well I’d like to have a better shot to make the cheerleading team at the school next year. I’m also hoping that it might help me a little bit with the dance team tryouts that they’re going to have this month."

"Okay. That gives me kind of a place to work from then. Have you ever done any tumbling or anything?"

"I learned some basic stuff from a friend of mine this summer, and a little bit more at a cheer camp we went to… But the most I can manage right now is one front flip." I told her with a grimace. I was so afraid of what she was going to think of me.

"Well then, now that we’ve stretched out let’s start working on some things okay?"

I nodded.

"We’re in a much better place really than I would have hoped from someone who hasn’t done gymnastics before. You’re able to do splits, and seem to be fairly limber, so that should help us get through some other things too."

I smiled, "Cool."

With that the smile on my face quickly turned into a grimace… ouch. The number of times that I performed face plants, landed on my rear, landed on other parts, and other indescribable conditions cannot even begin to be counted. For her part she managed to not to throw up her hands and tell me I was hopeless. Each time she just helped me up and told me how to fix something, held me in a position, or assisted me with the move in slow motion. I was so tired by the end of the lesson!

"Tiffany, today was a good lesson, if you’ll work that hard every session, and during the week in-between, I think we’ll be able to really get somewhere in a couple months." She told me.

I hadn’t honestly expected a positive comment so I managed a tired smile and a thank you before Mom led me out to the car. Once in the car I took my hair out of the ponytail it was in and put my head against the glass of the window next to me. Seconds later, or it seemed to me, mom woke me up by tickling me.

"Mom!!!" I told her angrily — I was grumpy.

"Well you didn’t want to wake up!" She told me, "Deal with it."

She was Evil with a capital E! I told her so and she just stuck her tongue out at me. I went inside and took a quick shower before going to bed. That night I thought about all of the other girls, even the little girls that had been doing so many cool things in the gym. I wished that I could do those things, but realistically knew I’d never be that good.

I wasn’t going to spend enough time doing it, and I was starting way too old to be able to be as good as them. If I could get decent at some stuff though, and have fun, it would be more than enough right?
 
 
Chapter 21
 
 
TUESDAY PASSED QUICKLY and safely. I had sax lessons as soon as Mom got home after school, dinner, and then I got changed for Tae Kwon Doe. Amy was taking that class with me so the two of us of course stuck together that day. The instructor taught our class from the absolute basics. We spent a lot of time practicing punches and kicking in particular. He also took some time to demonstrate some of the cooler things that were going to be in our future. Amy and I had really not wanted to separate after class, but our moms dragged us back to our respective homes.

Wednesday also passed with everything seemingly calm at school. I was really surprised that more things weren’t happening to me — it was making me nervous. Things should be a lot more difficult than they had been so far. The groups that were on the various sides of me were staying stable — no one was jumping ship from one side to the other — and that was making for peaceful days. I think the punishments that had been handed out early on to Lucas and Jarred had helped, but unfortunately they were back in school and I saw them glare at me and talk about me with their groups more often than I cared to notice.

Mom came home and got me to ballet at five, and I had another great night there. After class Mrs. Tyler talked Mom into switching me into the more advanced class. It would be the same night, but it would be from 7-8:30 instead of the current time. Mom seemed to think it might be a bit easier to get me there anyway. She asked me if I wanted to make the class that night but I had to smile politely and say I was too tired at that point. Mom let her know that I probably wouldn’t be there next week — since the trip was the next day. She was okay with that and we had gone home.

Mom cooked dinner while I showered and changed into a pair of pajamas to lounge around the house in. Just as we were clearing the dishes the doorbell rang. Mom went and answered the door — I could hear a voice that sounded kind of familiar but I wasn’t sure who it was.

"Hi Mandy, how are you doing?"

"I’m doing well, you?"

"Well."

"Good. Say I was wondering, you have a daughter right?" She asked.

"Yes, Tiffany. Why do you ask?"

"Well my husband and I are supposed to go to a party with his company on Saturday and we can’t find a babysitter. I was wondering if Tiffany might be interested in sitting for us?"

"She’s only eleven… actually she’ll be twelve on Friday… I don’t know."

"She’s responsible right?"

"She is, but she’s never done anything like this before. I don’t know…" I was overhearing all of this from the kitchen. "Tiffany?" Mom called for me to come in there.

"Hi Mrs. Lind," I told her.

"How are you doing Tiffany?" She asked me.

"Good."

"Well, did you hear what we were talking about?" She asked me.

"Yeah. I might be interested… Would I have to change diapers?" I asked. That thought kind of grossed me out.

"Well Jamie is four and is potty trained so that’s not an issue with her — though I will have to have you make sure she puts a pull-up on before bed if you do this. Brittany is only two though, and she’s still in diapers."

I thought for a second. I’d heard some of the older girls talk at school the other day about how much money they were racking up babysitting. It might be nice to have some money to go do stuff with Amy without asking Mom and Dad for it. Besides, I knew they weren’t exactly made of money. "I’ve never changed a real baby before," I told her. I had at least changed the doll that mom had gotten me in June… like once…

"I could show you how to do it if you want. It’s really not that hard," she told me. I think she was pretty desperate.

"What do you think Mom?" I asked her.

"I think you could do it. You’ll just be across the street so if you need any help you can always call home." She told me. Apparently she had decided it was okay.

"Okay then… if you show me how." I responded.

"Great!" She said with a smile on her face. "We’ll pay you of course. Could you come over now? I think Brittany should need changed about now anyway and I can show you how."

"Let me put on some other clothes real quick first," I told her.

"Okay, I can wait for a few minutes," She said.

I ran down the hallway to my room and changed into a pair of shorts and a top real quick. When I got back to the room we went across the street to her house. Mom decided to come with me and make sure that I would be okay doing this. "Jamie? Brittany? Come here." Mrs. Lind said when we came inside.

Her two daughters came in the room running and giggling. Both girls were really cute and we talked to them for a few moments. During the conversation Brittany came up to me and put her arms out asking to be picked up. I did so, doing my best to hold her — she was heavy! Or at least she felt that way after a few minutes.

Her mom took her from me after a bit and felt to see if her diaper needed changed. She showed me how she could tell it was wet and we walked back to her room where she had a changing table that she was almost too big for. I had expected her to just show me what to do, but she had me do it!

A few minutes later I had changed a diaper for the first time… it wasn’t as bad as I’d been afraid of. After she was in a dry diaper Brittany had to show me all of her toys. Eventually Mrs. Lind led my mom and I back to the door with me promising to sit for her Saturday. ‘If nothing else it would be an experience,’ I thought as I had gone back across the street.

Before I knew it the night had passed and it was time for another session with Dr. Reynolds. She seemed to be pleased by my progress so far, and positively ecstatic that things were going as well as they were at school. She told me that she was continuing to do as much research as she could into how to continue with my care. After talking to my dad we decided not to reschedule the appointment for next week — we’d just catch up the following week. On my way out the door she wished me an early happy birthday.

Next Thursday was already going to be the trip to New York for the film festival! Time was going by so quickly this year. Another night of dance class came and went. Things had gone just as well as they had the previous week, and I was really proud of myself. I know it seems unrealistic that I was doing as well at this stuff as I was… but I seemed to have found a buried talent within myself. Thursday night I went to sleep excited for the next day. It was going to be my first real birthday party!

FRIDAY MORNING I woke up and spent a lot of time doing my hair. I decided to wear a light purple dress that had some flowery designs on it to school that day. It was my birthday. I had to go to school dressed nice right? Right!

Amy and her mom both complimented me when I got into the car. I’d managed to find some time to paint my fingernails in a matching color the night before, and I looked pretty! The first part of the morning came and went without any problems. My friends all wished me happy birthday when they saw me, and a couple of the teachers led the class in singing happy birthday to me — I just turned bright red each time. At least in third period it sounded decent — the kids in the choir could sing decently. In second hour I’d wanted to gouge my eardrums out with the pencil I held in my hand!

In between third and fourth hour Amy and I stopped by our lockers to switch books, and I found a card taped to my locker. I was curious so I opened it really quick and looked at it. Amy being my best friend of course was right there beside me as I began to open it.

The outside had a dog on it and said happy birthday. I opened it thinking the dog was kind of cute only to find a message that shocked me. ‘Happy birthday faggot. Why don’t you give us all a birthday present and get the hell out of our school? If you don’t we’re going to make you pay.’

"Tiffany, I can’t believe anyone would do this to you." She said. Giving me a hug and taking the card from me. "I bet it was Jarred and Lucas…"

As she said that I looked up and saw the two of them standing a ways away watching me and laughing loudly. There were also a couple of girls around them that seemed to be getting into the act. It made me really angry.

"You know… I thought things were going too well," I said through an unsteady voice. I steeled myself and pushed back the tears that were welling up. "I’m not going to let this screw up my day though. And I’m not going to give those jerks the joy of seeing me cry right now."

"Good for you Tiff, but I think we should take this to Mrs. Henry before we go to our next class." She told me.

"Okay," I replied to her as she led me down the hallway to the office.

We walked up to the counter with the secretary at it and asked to see Mrs. Henry. Mrs. Hinther walked by glaring at me a couple seconds before Mrs. Henry came out of her office. "What can I do for you two?" She asked.

"This was on my locker," I said as I handed her the card.

She looked at the outside thinking ‘why would they bring this to me?’ When she opened it though she said, "Tiffany I’m so sorry. This is awful." She gave me a hug and led us into her office. "Did you see anyone around your locker?" She asked.

"No. I don’t have any proof of who left it." I told her.

"Well Tiffany I’m going to keep this card if you don’t mind and look into this. If I catch who did this we’ll be assigning them consequences for threatening you." She said with a grave demeanor.

"I appreciate that Mrs. Henry. Would you make a copy though for me really quick of the card?" I asked.

"Why?"

"My parents want copies of anything that comes in like that for their records." I told her.

Her mouth kind of hung open for a moment before she said, "Of course, hold-on just a moment." She ran out to the copier and came back with the copy in an envelope for me. "Her you go Tiffany. I hope you don’t let this ruin your day," she said.

"I’m not going to let it," I told her.

"Good! Let me write you two a pass back to class." When she had handed us a paper pass she said to me, "Happy Birthday Tiffany, I hope the rest of the day goes a lot better for you."

"Thanks Mrs. Henry." I replied as we left for class. Mr. Martin gave us a strange look as we walked in late, but let it go when he saw the note. The hour went quietly, and I managed to escape any choruses of happy birthday there.

For lunch Mom came and dropped off a couple of happy meals for Amy and myself. We got some strange looks as we both carried the boxes to the lunch table and began playing with the toys inside! Kristina just looked at us and said, "You two are so strange," and giggled. While I ate she started playing with the toy that I had. It was a better afternoon than the morning I’d had!

During English the secretary came over the intercom and asked for me to come down. Ms. Damien didn’t really want to send Amy with me, but she ended up going anyway. I was afraid it had something to do with the card from earlier. Amy and I vowed that I wouldn’t let it ruin my day though, no matter what!

As we entered the office door I noticed a big vase of flowers on the counter with balloons tied to it that said, ‘Happy Birthday.’ I wondered who else had their birthday that day. "Hi Tiffany, these are for you." Mrs. Walden the secretary said.

"Really?" I squealed with glee.

"Yep!" She said.

"Cool!" I said looking at them closer. There was a dozen yellow roses, with pink tips, in the vase. I saw there was a card attached and opened it.

‘Happy Birthday Tiffany! Love Mom and Dad.’

"Wow, this is so cool," I told Amy.

"Yeah… I wish my mom had sent me a dozen roses when I turned twelve!" Amy said.

"They got you flowers didn’t they?" I asked.

"Yeah, but they didn’t send a dozen! Geeze.. I thought I was spoiled!" She said smiling.

I stuck my tongue out at her as we walked back to class. The balloon was kind of a pain in the butt as I walked up the staircase, but I loved the reactions of all of the girls when I got into the room.

"Wow! Those are really pretty Tiffany," Nikki said. The others all agreed. Ms. Damien also commented about the fact she wished someone would send her flowers on her birthday. That kind of planted an idea in my head to look up her birthday and as a class we’d get her flowers this year. My mom had the entire district’s birthdays at home from working at the bus yard.

I was quickly distracted from that thought though as she piled on a reading assignment for the weekend. I think she did it just to annoy me.

Band was fun… Mrs. Remar had me set the flowers on her desk while class was going on. I didn’t know how I was going to manage my saxophone and the flowers when school got out, but the solution presented itself. Mom came into the room just before the end of class.

"Mommy thanks for the flowers!" I told her while giving her a hug.

"You’re welcome," she said with a big smile on her face. "Speaking of flowers where are they?" I got them off of Mrs. Remar’s desk and she carried my saxophone out to the car. Amy met us out there at that point as the bell rang and we headed for her house to prepare for the party.

When we pulled up to Amy’s house I carried my flowers with me while Amy opened up the door to her house. As I entered I could only think, ‘WOW!!!’

Their entire first floor was decorated with happy birthday signs and streamers for me. There was also a pile of presents already started on the dining room table where I set my flowers down. Amy led me outside to where they had some tables set up with table cloths and more Happy Birthday stuff.

I gave Mom, Amy, and Amy’s mom hugs in quick succession after seeing it all. "You all are so cool," I said with tears in my eyes.

"You’re welcome Tiffany," My mom said.

"We had to make sure you had a really incredible birthday," Amy’s mom added.

"I really appreciate it!" I told them.

"So what still needs done?" Amy asked ‘the moms.’

"Well not much, but if you two will…" my mom directed us to do a list of things before guests started arriving. I was really careful the whole time not to get my dress messed up. Around 5pm people started arriving, beginning with my grandparents.

"Hi sweetheart, happy birthday!" My grandmother said as she came in and gave me a hug. My grandfather also greeted me and hugged me.

"Here," my grandmother said as she handed me wrapped present, "this is for you."

"Thank you Grandma!" I said while giving her another hug. I turned to my grandfather and gave him another hug and said, "Thanks Grandpa, I appreciate you guys coming."

"We wouldn’t miss it sweetie," my grandfather replied. "You look very pretty today," he added.

I beamed with a big smile while leading them into the house. I dropped the present off on the table and introduced them to Amy and her mom. "So this is the famous Amy?" my grandmother asked me.

"Uh huh, this is the one." I told her.

"It’s nice to meet you Mrs. Jacobson," Amy told her.

"You too." My grandmother answered. "So how was your day sweetie?" she asked me.

"Well… it was mostly good."

Mom hadn’t been home all day to catch the message on our answering machine, "What do you mean mostly good?"

"Umm… Can we talk about this another time — I’d just kind of like to forget about it today and enjoy my birthday…"

She gave me a really concerned look but decided that she could interrogate me later. "I guess sweetie, but I’m not going to completely drop this."

"Thank you Mom," I told her before leading my grandparents into the living room where the adults were planning on gathering.

I sat and talked to them for about ten minutes or so before the doorbell rang again with Amy and me racing for the door. Our mom’s both yelled at us about running in the house as we opened the door to see who it was.

Amy beat me to the door by that fraction of a second for me to discover it was Kristina. "Hey Tiffany! Happy Birthday," she said while handing me a small gift bag.

I gave her a hug and said, "Thanks Kristina, I’m really glad you were able to come!"

"I’m glad you invited me. I just met you last week so I was kind of surprised you invited me." She told me.

We led her inside to the dining room where I sat the present down. "Well you’ve been so nice to me the past couple weeks I decided that you would be fun to have over."

"I’ll try to live up to your expectations Tiffany," she told me. "So what’s up first?" She asked.

"Well let’s go put your bag upstairs in Tiffany’s room until we get through the party." Amy said.

"I thought you said we were having this party at your house Amy?" She asked as we led her upstairs.

"This is my house… my parents just decided Tiffany needed her own room over here this summer. We came back from cheer camp to discover that my room had been redone and Dad had done one of our spare bedrooms for her while they were at it." She said.

"You have your own room at their house? You guys must be really close," Kristina commented.

"You could say that," Amy and I said together before giggling.

We topped the stairs and entered ‘my’ room. It was still kind of strange and awkward to have ‘my’ own room at someone else’s house — but I wasn’t going to complain. If nothing else it was Amy’s parents’ way of telling me that they considered me to be a daughter just like Amy. Thinking about it made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

"Wow, this is really cute," She said as we entered the room.

"Mine is similar, but in slightly different colors," Amy told her.

"Amy’s dad did a really good job with both of them," I added.

"So what’s first?" She asked as we walked downstairs.

"Well, we’re going to wait for everyone else to get here before we go ahead and eat dinner. Then we’re going to go swimming for a bit, before doing presents and cake," I said the last part with a bit of a squeal.

"Cool," she told me as the doorbell rang again.

It was Ashley this time, "Hey Tiffany, Happy Birthday!" she said to me as she came in. We repeated the steps of putting the present she brought (a bag) on the table and taking her bag upstairs. The four of us had just reached the downstairs again when the doorbell rang yet again.

This time it was the two guys I’d invited, Kyle and David. "Hey, thanks for coming!" I told them.

"Wouldn’t miss it Tiffany," Kyle replied.

"Yeah, besides what other party have we been invited to with this many hot girls?" David joked.

"And Food!" Kyle said, laughing.

Amy slugged him in the arm lightly before leading them to the dining room. They had each brought a present — I was really surprised that they had gotten me anything. I guess it is good manners though when you go to a birthday party… still. I was beaming when we sat down for all of twenty seconds before the last succession of my friends arrived. Lindsey arrived next, then Amber, and then Nikki, so that we were left with a total of seven girls and the two boys. Yeah… the guys were definitely outnumbered… but hey I didn’t care and they certainly didn’t seem to mind!

We all went outside and sat and talked while our mom’s worked on finishing up dinner. Amy’s dad arrived and worked on grilling hamburgers and hotdogs, joined by my dad about ten minutes before we ate.

During this time the nine of us just sat around and talked about all sorts of stuff. Shortly before dinner the game from the previous evening came up.

"So Kyle I hear you guys did really well yesterday?" I asked him.

"Yeah, it was awesome. David scored two touchdowns off interceptions and I threw three touchdowns. The other team didn’t really stand a chance," he told me.

"You should come to one of our games Tiffany," David said.

"Well I’ve been pretty busy so far, but maybe the week after next I can try and make it." I told him.

"Why not next week?" Kyle asked.

"Well we have that trip to New York," I began.

"Oh that’s right. Wow that came up quick." Kyle replied. The two of us were now kind of sitting in a group with David talking to Amy on his right, and Kristina and Lindsey were talking on my left. "Are you excited to go there?"

"Yeah… I think so. I’ve never really wanted to go to New York before… but I’m really excited for other people to see our film. I have a feeling we’re going to get laughed out of the theater though."

"Oh well, at least you guys seem to have gotten a lot from it already," he observed.

"Yeah."

"So what else are you up to right now?"

"What else?" I said semi-incredulously, "Well, one night each week I’m doing Tae Kwon Do, one night I’m taking Ballet, another a dance class for cheerleading, yet another a gymnastics lesson…" I paused. "A lot?" I asked sweetly.

"Yikes… and I thought football practice everyday was a lot."

About that time we were called for dinner and we all sat down at the tables they had set up outside. I got a hamburger from my dad off of the grill and put some cheese and ketchup on it, grabbed some beans, some potato chips, and then sat down next to my grandparents at the table.

I really wanted to sit next to my friends, but my mom had steered me there so I could be social with them. Luckily for me though Amy sat to my right, and Kristina sat cattycorner to me. There wasn’t a lot of conversation for most of the next ten minutes though — we were all too busy eating.

As I had just put another bite in my mouth my grandfather asked me, "So are you excited for next week?"

"Yes… at least I think I am." I replied to him politely.

"You know I’ve not seen this film yet that you ladies made," my grandmother added in.

I hadn’t realized that they hadn’t seen it yet. "Amy should have a copy here if you guys want to watch it while we’re swimming," I told them.

Mom must have heard that part of the conversation because she said, "That’s a good idea Tiffany. You have a copy here right Melanie?" she asked Amy’s mom.

"Yeah, it’s in the living room," she answered her.

"Do you mind if we throw it in after dinner?"

"Not at all!"

The conversation shifted back to my left with Amy whispering in my ear, "So are you intentionally flirting with Kyle or what?"

"What?!?" I whispered back loudly.

She just giggled.

"I’ll get you for that one later," I hissed in reply while smiling.

"Sure you will," she taunted back while sticking out her tongue.

I sat there stunned. ‘Was I flirting with Kyle? That’s kind of gross,’ I thought. I’d have to watch it for the rest of the day. I didn’t want to mislead him — though maybe I had already gone too far….

I was jolted out of these thoughts by Amy grabbing me to go setup the TV for my grandparents to see the video. Kristina hadn’t seen the video either so she wanted to watch too. Before I knew it we were all sitting there watching the movie again. ‘The moms’ had justified it by telling us that we should wait a bit before going swimming so we didn’t get cramps.

As we watched our project it brought back a lot of good memories of that weekend. It was a neat project that for whatever reason had caught on with people. We had used Barbie dolls to create a film based on a Nancy Drew book. Ashley’s dad had let us use his television studio’s equipment and shown us how to do stuff. From there he had been pretty much hands off — suggesting things here and there — and somehow we’d come up with a decent product.

Before I knew it the credits were rolling and I got a jolt out of seeing my old name. Under director it said ‘Brandon Jacobson.’ That made me feel weird… I wasn’t entirely sure why that bothered me as much as it did. I got up and walked over to stop the VCR as I listened to the comments by my grandparents and Kristina. Everyone else had seen it before — but I remained kind of in a trance. Things had changed so quickly… in less than a year I had gone from being a boy to a girl… it was strange. I felt Amy grab my hand to pull me upstairs, but I continued to think about seeing Brandon’s name on the credits.

Before I knew it I was upstairs changing into my swimsuit in the bathroom that was attached to my room. I quickly put on the one-piece before joining everyone else out at the pool. As I worked to hide my extra parts, I couldn’t help but continue to think about how much I wanted to be rid of everything Brandon…

Once I hit the water I snapped out of it and made it back to the present. "I bet I can hold my breath underwater longer than any of you," Kyle taunted everyone.

"Oh yeah?" Ashley answered.

That of course led to a contest, with Amy counting, "1…2…3…Go!" To everyone as we all went underwater to see who could stay longest.

I had taken a deep breath, like I would with playing saxophone, and held on for a long time. Soon I saw other people surfacing while I was still underwater. I held on as long as I could and then went back up to the surface gasping.

I heard an ‘aha’ from beside me. As I wiped the water from my eyes I turned around to see who it was. "See I told you all," Kyle said.

"Actually it was more of a tie," Nikki declared.

"What? A tie? No, we don’t have ties today. I win," I said in my own declaration with a big smile.

"What? No it doesn’t work that way Tiffany," Kyle said.

"Uh-huh, it does. It’s my birthday, I win!" The smile on my face was too much for him and everyone else. Everyone else just started cracking up laughing.

"Kyle I don’t think you’re going to win this argument bro," David told him.

He then started laughing on his own too and we all went back to splashing and swimming in the water. After a half hour or so Amy’s mom said, "Time for Cake!"

The guys had especially built up an appetite after swimming and we all walked back over to the outside tables after toweling off a bit. My mom brought out a large cake that was decorated in pink and purple. In the center of the cake it said ‘Happy Birthday Tiffany.’ They were being cute and put one of those big number ‘one’ candles on the inside, plus the twelve real candles that were my real age.

I stuck my tongue out at Mom after seeing that. "It was her idea," she said pointing to Amy’s mom. I then stuck my tongue out at her too, but she just smiled.

After listening to the dreaded chorus of happy birthday for the millionth time that day, I blew out the candles. As they passed out the pieces of cake I admitted to myself that I was kind of touched that they had decided this was Tiffany’s first birthday…
 
 
Chapter 22
 
 
AS CAKE WAS finished I began opening my presents from everyone. Most of the presents from my friends were small things that weren’t really anything that special. I got several Barbies, some stuffed animals, and some earrings — that kind of stuff. Kristina gave me one of the first ‘older’ gifts that I got.

She gave me a bottle of lotion from some place called ‘Bath and Body Works.’ I’d heard some of the girls talking about it being a new store in the mall — but I hadn’t gone in there yet. I opened the top and put some on my hands to smell it — I really liked it. "Thanks Kristina, this smells really good."

I then moved on from there. Kyle and David both gave me stuffed animals — I think their mom’s had thought that was a safe gift for a girl. I of course had no problems with them, so I gave them a smile and said thank you to them as well. Kyle’s was actually a really cute white tiger that was really soft. I had a cousin that was going to be very jealous since she collected them.

There were some other things that I opened before getting to the ‘family’ presents. My grandparents gave me a teddy bear holding a card with fifty-dollars. "Use it on your trip sweetie," my grandmother had advised.

"Thank you Grandma," I told her with a hug. I gave Grandpa a hug too before moving onto the present from Amy’s parents.

I must have just been the kind of girl that seemed to need more stuffed animals! Not that I minded… but I think three year olds get fewer stuffed animals for their birthdays. Amy’s mom had come up with a gift basket that had a teddy bear in it in a cheerleading outfit. There were a bunch of things sitting around and on the teddy bear.

I began with looking at the top — a really pretty tiara! I was highly amused and of course put it on before looking at anything else. I looked around at everyone else and said, "See I really am a princess!" They all laughed and that of course made me blush a bit.

Around the teddy bear were different things like lotions, some nail polish, lip gloss, and a bath soap set. In the middle of all of it was a card inside an envelope that Amy or her mom had done with pink glitter to say my name on it.

I opened the card up and was really touched first of all by the message inside of it. ‘Tiffany, we very much consider you to be the fourth member of our family. We were trying to think of an appropriate birthday present for you and decided that you might enjoy another day at the spa on us before the trip.’ It was signed, ‘Happy Birthday, Love Melanie, Greg, and Amy.’

I had tears in my eyes as I finished reading the card and the gift card was held in my hand. I hugged Amy’s parents and Amy before wiping my eyes with the towel that I’d wrapped around my body. "Thank you guys," I said.

"You’re very welcome Tiffany. I figured we can go together on Wednesday after school," Amy’s mom said to me.

"Sounds good!" I told her with another hug.

I put the card back in the gift basket and moved onto the presents from my parents — the last presents I had. There were about six boxes that I had to open that contained different things. In a couple of the boxes were some things for music stuff, one had a stuffed animal, another had a cute top in it, another had a skirt that matched it, the last of those (a large long box) contained a dress that was absolutely to die for!

As I unfolded it out of the box my jaw dropped open. "Why did you spend so much on the dress?" I asked Mom.

"Well you’re going to need something nice for next week — and actually I did find it on sale." She answered as I continued to look the dress over. Somehow it was a mix between being a dress for a girl that wasn’t developed yet but also looked like it was going to make me look older.

The dress was in satin with short sleeves and was in a brilliant bright blue. I held it up to me and looked at the full skirt and especially the bodice — it was gorgeous. It had embroidery on it with a white stitching that added a really neat texture to it. There were also beads at the points of the patterns creating an effect that would look really pretty in the right lighting. I twirled around with it in front of me, while all of the other girls gawked at it too.

"You have to put it on!" Ashley said.

"Yeah!" Kristina said.

"May I Mommy?" I asked.

"I suppose, but you have to take a quick shower to get the pool water off of you." She told me.

"I’ll be right back!" I said, as I started running off to the house.

But Mom said to me, "Hold it!"

I stopped in my tracks, "What?" I wanted to go try it on — they all wanted to see me with it, what was the problem here?!?

"We have one more present for you." She said.

I walked back to the table — surprised that they would have gotten me anything else. I guess she must not have been lying about getting the dress on sale — I was sure that it wasn’t cheap. My parents had never spent this much on me for a birthday before… I hoped they hadn’t put this on the credit card…

As I got to the table Mom said, "Trade me," she took the dress off my hands and handed me a black velvet box with a purple bow tied around it.

"Huh?" I asked dumbly as I opened it. Inside was a beautiful necklace and earring set — inlaid with blue sapphires.

I just stood there dumbstruck. My friends all pushed their way in to see with a chorus of ‘wows’ going on around me. I just stared at it, "Well what do you think?" My dad asked me.

I didn’t have any way to vocalize my feelings at the moment. As I tried to open my mouth nothing came — so I did the only thing I could, hug him and cry. After a moment he kissed me gently on the top of my head and I moved onto hugging Mom — making sure that my tears didn’t get on my dress.

"You guys shouldn’t have done this," I told them as I looked at them both.

"We wanted your first birthday as Tiffany to be special." My mom told me.

"Thank you everyone," I told the group.

I handed the jewelry box to my dad and said, "Can you hold this for a few minutes?"

He smiled and nodded. I grabbed the dress from Mom and ran upstairs to the bathroom. I quickly showered off the pool water, dried off, then pulled the dress over the top of my head and on. It gave me shivers up and down my spine as the fabric glided over my skin. I smiled really big.

There was a zipper up the back of the bodice that I worked closed. I grabbed a ponytail holder that I had left in the room for an emergency occasion, quickly put my hair up, and ran downstairs to where everyone was waiting.

As I walked outside to where everyone was still sitting around the tables I heard a catcall from my grandfather. "Wow…" he exclaimed.

I spun around for everyone before going over to where my dad was still holding the jewelry box. I took it from him and handed him the necklace before turning around. He got the hint and put the necklace on me. That moment was a defining moment in my life — it symbolized a formalized connection between him and my new self. As soon as I felt him finish fumbling with the clasp I turned around and hugged him again before putting the earrings in my ears.

At that there were a number of flashes that went off and my friends and I posed in any number of poses. Eventually things began to wind back down again and we sat down in the living room. "So why is it that I need this pretty of a dress for the trip?" I asked mom.

"Yeah, now we’re going to have to go dress shopping for me Mommy!" Amy told her mom. I could see that Ashley and Nikki both had that glimmer in their own eyes as well.

"Well we found out last week that you guys are going to have your film attached to the main film on Friday night — instead of just being a minor film in the afternoon."

"What’s that mean?" I asked.

"The film they’re attaching yours to is a premiere of a medium-large budget film by a well known director. They have a fairly well-known cast — it’s to be the main event of the night." Amy’s dad said.

"Why is our film being attached to it?" I asked incredulously.

"Yeah, why?" Amy asked. She too was flabbergasted.

"I guess they were looking for something ‘light and fun’ to open up things. I don’t totally understand it myself, but the director of the film and the festival called and asked if we were interested in this — we of course told him yes." He said with a smile.

"Wow, that’s cool!" Nikki said.

"So does that mean there will be red carpet?" Ashley asked. There were clearly stars in her eyes over this.

"That’s what they told us," Amy’s dad answered.

"Wow… this is too good to be true. What’s the catch?" I asked.

"None that we know of," he replied.

"So that means everyone’s going to have to dress up for this?" I asked.

"That’s right," he said.

I grinned from ear to ear thinking of my parents having to dress up for it. My mom occasionally dressed up — but I’d never seen my dad in a tux before. The thought had me really smiling. We talked about that for a couple more moments before Kyle’s mom came to pick him and David up. She came inside for a few moments and told me, "Happy birthday Tiffany. That’s a really pretty dress," she added.

"Thanks!" I replied to her. "My parents got it for me for my birthday — it’s actually for next week though."

"Well you look really beautiful in it." She said.

Kyle and David both wished me happy birthday again before leaving with her. All of the girls then went upstairs to change into pajamas. I was sad to take the dress off, but it wasn’t exactly something that was practical for the slumber party we were now starting. I also took out the earrings and the necklace off — handing the box to my dad to go ahead and take home.

The main party really began breaking up at this point with my grandparents wishing me happy birthday one last time before leaving as well. Dad wished me goodnight and left with them — I think he was running away from all of the girliness as quick as he could! As they left I put on the tiara from the Hancocks present so that I could properly begin a night of being the birthday princess!

We all ended up sitting down in a circle in the living room a few minutes later. "So what are we doing next?" Ashley asked.

"Yeah, what’s next now that we got rid of the boys?" Amber asked.

"I think that we need to do everyone’s hair and nails like you’re going to a big dance," Nikki suggested.

"Okay," I replied to them.

"And you’re first, birthday girl!" Amy told me.

"Of course. I also have the tiara on!" I smiled at them all.

Before I knew it they had led me upstairs, taken the tiara off my head, washed my hair in the sink, and led me over to Amy’s room where she had a makeup dresser with all sorts of curling irons nearby. Amy had plugged them in while we were washing my hair so they were all ready to go.

"Okay who’s first to work on Tiffany?" Amy asked.

Almost every girl wanted to do it, "Okay, how about let’s do it this way?" I started. "I’m thinking of a number between 1-100, the closest person goes first!" I said with a smile. I didn’t want to have any fights start at my first real birthday party!

Each girl guessed a number. Amy was closest by picking the right number, seventeen. I think she must have known that that was my favorite number. We decided that we were going to do it by every girl getting two minutes each to work on my hair. Everyone agreed that I deserved a full amount of attention since I was the birthday girl. Once they were done with me we were going to divide into two teams to work on each other within the teams.

Our moms were going to judge the end result and decide on a winning team. Speaking of moms, mine was busy taking pictures like mad as the girls worked on my hair. She used to always say how much she wished she had a daughter to do stuff with… I think she was happier with me like this.

I felt my hair get tugged, twisted, yanked (ow!), and all other manner of things by each of the girls in turn. The curling irons seemed to be in nonstop usage no matter who was doing my hair. After what really seemed like all of about three minutes, but really nearly twenty, I was told, "Done!"

I tried to turn around to look in the mirror behind me but Amy and Amber kept one hand on each of my shoulders, "Not yet Tiffany," Kristina said. "Are we all in agreement that we need to finish her majesty the birthday girl completely first?" She asked with a grin on her face.

"You all are having way too much fun right now — you’re not turning me into a clown are you?" I asked semi-suspiciously — but with a sweet smile. I trusted the girls… but you shouldn’t trust someone off a cliff, right?

"No Tiffany, we’re not doing that — we’ll do that to someone else later — we really just want to see the finished Tiffany first. You’re going to look a lot older when we’re done here," Kristina replied.

"Older?" I asked surprised, "How much older?" I was curious. I didn’t know that I really wanted to look a lot older on a normal basis — I’d look more suspicious with my flat chest… - but I was curious.

"It’ll be a surprise," Amy said. She whispered, "Trust me," into my ear.

"Okay," I said.

My mom had stepped out of the room for a couple minutes, and at that point came in with Amy’s mom to snap some more pictures. In the meantime the girls had each drawn their own battlegrounds with me. Ashley and Nikki were working on my feet, Lindsey and Amy were working on my hands, leaving the other three working on my makeup. Kristina was definitely the most experienced person in our group; though Amber was also pretty good at stuff too.

I was in sensory overload by the time everything was said and done. Having your feet, hands, and face worked on all at the same time… very cool, but it was also a little overwhelming. It did send shivers up and down my spine and give me goose bumps though!

Twenty minutes after they started Amy said, "Done!"

"So I get to see now?" I asked.

"Yep! Stand up Tiff," She told me while keeping me pointed the opposite direction from the mirror. "On three! One…Two….Three!" She said turning me around.

Whoa!

I did a double take — what they had done was impressive. First was the hair. My hair had grown down to past my shoulders at this point… but it wasn’t really incredibly long like Amber’s (hers was down her back). Still, they had somehow found enough hair to do a bunch of ringlets coming down from a braided bun at the top of my head. They had used some really pretty hairpins that Amy had to hold things in place. The goal of making my hair look like I was going to prom or something had been accomplished!

From there I moved my glance back to my face. The girls had managed to make my face look like I was seventeen or eighteen. It wasn’t garishly done though — it was just enough to do it… Mom snapped some more pictures as I looked down at my nails and saw that they were redone in a base coat of a blue (it just about matched my new dress), and had a mixture of flowers and designs on them. Each nail was different — but somehow they all looked good together.

I spent several minutes gaping at myself — my brain still trying to process everything — before giving Amy a big hug. I followed that up with all of the other girls. "Thank you all! Wow, you’re all really good at this!" I told them.

They smiled and we all broke down into a fit of giggles before breaking up into the two teams. Amy grabbed a kitchen timer and set it for forty-five minutes — each team had that long to make all of the girls look their best. It was then a frantic grab of curling irons, nail polish, and makeup. In my group (which had Amy, Kristina, and Nikki) the three girls that weren’t ready circled up and I rotated between them. It was crazy!

By the time the timer rang everyone was looking really nice and we called the mom’s back up to render judgment. To make it more fair, since it was our moms, we both stayed out of the picture and they rated each girl without knowing which team they were on. Then they rated how Amy and I looked before calculating the scores. Of course… fairness aside our group looked way better! But they announced, "It’s a tie."

We all got the prize of cookies. Yay more sugar for us!

For the next half-hour or so we went outside and sat on a few blankets that we had spread on the grass talking. It was nice just to see the stars and the Sandia Mountains in the background.

"So Tiffany, what’s going on between you and Kyle?" Nikki asked me.

I sat up really quickly and looked at her asking, "Huh?!?"

"You have to be kidding, right?" Ashley said to me, also sitting up.

"You have been flirting really hard Tiff," Amy told me.

"I have?"

"You have," Kristina answered for her.

"You’re all joking right?" I asked them. "We were just talking earlier…"

I stopped talking at that point and tried to think back to what I had been doing earlier. Was I flirting? I guess it could have seemed that way… I didn’t even know if I liked boys yet… They had all stopped talking and were just looking at me.

"Was I really flirting?" I asked Amy.

She nodded, "That’s what I would call it."

"Definitely," Amber said before adding, "He seemed to be enjoying it too."

"I don’t even know if I want to like boys or not — I mean I’m a girl so I should like boys… but why would Kyle even be interested in me — dating me would be the quickest ride to him being made fun of ever…"

"Well… I don’t know about that — he’s pretty popular." Ashley replied to me.

"But you must definitely like boys," Amy said.

I stuck my tongue out at her. "So if we’re going to play this way what was going on with you and David?"

She just blushed and stuck her tongue out at me. Everyone just broke up into laughter at that point. When everyone had calmed back down Kristina brought up something I guess she had wanted to know. "Tiffany can I ask you a question?"

Anytime someone asks if they can ask you a question you have to be a little nervous, "I guess," I replied.

"You still have boy parts down below right?"

"Unfortunately," I replied.

"Will they ever be able to fix that?"

At least she thought of it as I did — fixing it. "I hope so. They won’t probably do anything with them permanently until I turn eighteen."

"That kind of sucks… can they do anything else for you until then?" She asked me.

"Well they already started me on some medicine to keep me from getting a low voice and a beard, but I want them to start hormones that’ll make me grow breasts and a normal girls shape as soon as possible… But the earliest they said they’d even think about it would maybe be at the end of this semester. That’s the time they told me earlier this summer — since then though my doctor has been kind of backtracking there."

"Why?" Amy asked. I hadn’t told her this part yet.

"Well it seems that she had a phone call with another colleague of hers that thinks that’s too young to start on them. They’re afraid of the consequences being severe if I change my mind."

"What kind of things could it do to you?" Ashley asked.

"Well… Like I said the hormones will make me start growing breasts just like you all. It also would have an effect of softening my face and moving some of my body fat down to my hips. Because I’m still young I might even get wider hips. Basically I’ll start looking like I was born a girl."

"I get all of that, but why is that a problem?" Kristina asked.

"Well if I change my mind I’ll be stuck with breasts that will make me look really strange as a guy — same thing with the rest of my body. Plus… if I change my mind at that point it’ll probably be too late for me to be able to ever have kids."

"Are you worried about changing your mind?" Nikki asked.

"No, this is who I am — the doctors just have to be careful."

"Then they should be doing everything to make stuff work out," Amy told me. "Maybe I’ll talk to Mom more about this later though."

"With as much as our moms talk anymore I’m sure they already know." I told her.

"You’re probably right."

The conversation moved on to other things for a while before we all kind of grew tired and bored of sitting there.

"Tiffany why don’t we go play some board games?" Amy suggested.

"Does that sound good to everyone else?" I asked.

Everyone nodded and we went inside to go through her board games. As we were going through the board games her family had, I heard Amber exclaim, "You have Candyland still?"

"Don’t say that too loud Amber, she’s only slightly obsessed about that game still," I told her.

"I heard that Tiffany!" Amy told me. "Besides I’ve never made you play it." She added.

In the end we ended up getting two board games out since there were eight of us. Candyland and Life were both brought out. Amber had indeed spoken too loudly and I had gotten roped into a game of Candyland with her, Amy, and Nikki.

The other girls played Life while we played through two games of Candyland. On both of the games I swear Amy must have been cheating somehow… "Amy how in the world have you beaten us so badly with this game twice in a row?" Amber voiced my thoughts.

"I’m just that good!" Amy said.

"That lucky!" I added.

We put up the game and moved over to where the other girls were just about finished with their game. "So who won?" Ashley asked.

"Who do you think?" I replied. "We have the world’s biggest Candyland shark ever in the house."

"She beat you that bad?" Ashley asked.

"Yep."

"Well, she used to always do that to me too. That’s why I haven’t played that game with her in a couple years. I’m surprised that she hadn’t made you play it yet."

"Her mom wouldn’t let her pick it when we were up skiing last year."

"Just ‘cause she’s mean!" Amy said entering the conversation.

"I can see we’re not going to get through to her here," I feigned to Ashley.

"Nope."

I soon saw a tongue stuck out at me and watched Lindsey win their game. As they put it up I asked, "Movie?"

"Movie sounds good," Lindsey said.

"What movie?" Amber asked.

We then went over to the VHS collection they had and started trying to pick through them. As I let them go through and pick something out — I wasn’t real picky tonight on that one — I looked at a clock and saw it was already 11pm.

The girls ended up picking out The Little Mermaid for some reason. My mom came in at that point, "Girls, why don’t you all go wash your faces and such so that you can just go to bed when the movie’s over?"

There were a few groans but I said, "okay," to keep from us being rude. The girls split off between Amy’s bathroom, my bathroom, and the other spare bathroom upstairs.

By the time everyone got back downstairs, at 11:30, we started the movie. No one really seemed to pay a lot of attention to the movie though — we just talked. There weren’t any important conversations held — it was just normal kid stuff. Amy, Nikki, Ashley and I had our sleeping bags all fairly close together — we had talked about the trip quite a bit.

Honestly we didn’t even know much about what we were going to be doing — so we didn’t know what to get excited about. What little I knew about the trip it seemed like it was going to be really short and tiring. Especially, since we were going to be coming back the next week just in time to start the process of trying out for the new dance squad.

All of the girls in the room wanted to try out for that team then except for Nikki. She just wasn’t interested in it — that was fine with me. I’d have at least one friend not on the squad if I didn’t make it. The girls that were already on the cheerleading squad spent a lot of time talking about whether or not that was going to help or hurt them.

"Why would it hurt you to be on the squad?" I asked Amy.

"Well, Coach Holt really isn’t happy with the cheerleading squad right now. I think that’s why she’s forming an entirely new squad to go to the competitions this spring. Pretty much all of the girls who aren’t here right now have been terrible about everything on the squad."

"Yeah, it’s been pretty bad this year," Kristina added. "Especially the eighth grade girls. There are nine eighth grade girls on the squad, and other than one other besides me, they’re all terrible."

"So why are they on the team?" Nikki asked.

"Well Mrs. Hinther pushed for six of them to be put on the team — even though they weren’t really good enough. I think she’s good friends with their parents or something. I’m not really sure." Lindsey answered.

"Well Mrs. Hinther and I certainly haven’t been getting along this year," I said aloud.

"I’m amazed that she’s been the only one that you’ve had problems with." Kristina said.

"Really you’ve had so much easier of a time like this than I expected Tiffany," Amber said.

"I wouldn’t be doing this well without all of you," I told them with a small smile. "Which, speaking of all of you. Thank you all again for coming — I appreciate it."

"This has been a blast Tiffany," Lindsey told me, "Of course we were going to come. I may not completely understand why you would ever want to be a girl instead of a boy… but I think you’re really cool and don’t want to see you hurt."

"Why wouldn’t I want to be a girl?" I asked her.

"Well… there are so many reasons," She started off.

"Most of them she’ll never have to deal with though," Amy said with a smile and a wink.

"Yeah she doesn’t have to worry about periods… lucky." Katrina told me.

"I’ll trade with you," I told her. I really would. They looked down at the idea of dealing with those things — yeah they definitely would be a pain to deal with — but I’d do anything to have them myself. Let’s face it — I’d never be able to have kids myself...

Amy, always the ever present friend guessed something was going on in my head and decided to shift the conversation. "So homecoming week is in what four weeks now?"

"Something like that," Lindsey answered. "I think it’s going to be two weeks after the tryouts."

"Maybe Kyle will ask you to the dance," Amy joked with me.

"…Maybe…" I answered back. "I don’t know that I really want to go with anyone though — it’ll cause more trouble than I think it’s worth. Is our homecoming dance that dressy?"

"Not like the high school, but it’s something where you want to wear a nice dress." Kristina told me.

"I’m sure my parents are going to regret this more and more as I keep needing new dresses," I told them all with a giggle.

"Probably." Amy said.

It was about that time that the movie finished and my mom came downstairs from the guestroom and turned off the lights. She of course knew that we weren’t necessarily going to go to sleep at that point — but it was a start to push us in that direction.

That night I’m not exactly sure what time I fell asleep — I did so though knowing that I was a twelve year old girl, not a boy. I knew that I would not have any regrets on choosing this road. It was me. I actually enjoyed being me like this — I sure hadn’t had this much fun as Brandon. He wasn’t completely gone yet — as long as I had this stupid body part he wouldn’t be — but he was a very diminished portion of myself.

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To Be Continued...

 
Synopsis

In many ways Tiffany is the newest girl in her small community near Albuquerque, New Mexico. In the whirlwind of the last few weeks she has emerged from the shell of a scared and confused little boy named Brandon. Ever since Tiffany's parents confirmed with her their suspicions of her deepest wants and needs, they've supported her completely. With solid support from her family, her best friend and family and surprisingly, her growing circle of other friends it seems she might have a chance for a successful future.

'Can all this last?' is one of the biggest questions on her mind now. 'Will everyone stick with me when things get tough?' She's had an amazingly easy last couple weeks and she knows it won't last. What will happen when she returns to school? And most importantly, what will her psychiatrist decide? Will her doctor force her to return to living the lie as Brandon? These fears and more whirl in her mind as she looks to an uncertain future.

Daring to Hope is the continuing story of a bright, talented, and beautiful girl, who dares to hope for a future that is one based on happy dreams.

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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

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The Legal Stuff: Daring to Hope  © 2008 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2008 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
 
 
Last month I finally got around to publishing the first book of this trilogy, Standing Up to Life here at BigCloset. I had been delayed in publishing it there while trying to get it also published by Lulu.com. Well it’s taken me a bit longer on this book to get it up here as well, but here it is!

Like the first book I posted here, I am posting a standard copy of this here at BigCloset, and announcing that I have two versions available for purchasing through My Store at Lulu.com. Back by popular demand is the ebook download of the book. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be most interested in this edition of the book. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it from my store($3.00 for the ebook). I also have a hardback edition that is available, and will work on making a paperback edition available as well here in the coming weeks. With both the paperback and hardback editions I hope to have them available through Amazon.com in a couple months as well, and will offer to have Erin sell it through her Amazon page at that time.

Thank you to all of you, my amazing readers! Your comments have kept me going through some times when I thought I would never be able to write or edit another minute! Speaking of editing, thanks to my amazing editor, Carla Ann, for helping me out with this large work. Now that this project is coming to a close I hope to be able to focus solely on Book 3, and have that ready for you all this summer. Since it is the concluding book of the series I wish to be sure that it’s done right. Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy this book!

     -Tiffany Shar

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Chapter 23
 
 
I WOKE UP the next morning with a prod. "Ugh… I’m sleeping here."

"Wake up before your mom tells me to tickle you," Amy told me.

I grumbled and forced myself to sit up a bit. "What time is it?" I asked while rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

"9:30, as usual you’re the last girl to wake up." She told me.

"Ugh… Why can’t you all sleep longer so I don’t look bad…" I asked her as I stumbled up.

"Oh stop your whining and come eat something. You have got to be the grouchiest girl ever in the morning," she told me.

"And proud of it too…" I said as I made my way to the dining room table where all of the rest of the girls were already eating breakfast.

After a few minutes of quietly munching on some scrambled eggs and bacon that were made for us I became a little more human.

"So Tiffany what are you doing tonight?" Amy asked.

"Actually I’m babysitting tonight," I told her.

"Really?" She asked.

"Yeah, our neighbor across the street came over and asked Wednesday night. I can’t believe I didn’t tell you about it."

"You kind of had other things on your mind," she reminded me.

Yeah I did, I thought, I still had to tell my mom about what happened on Friday. Although I had a feeling she might have already known since Dad had gone home where he would have been able to get the message off of the answering machine. "Yeah." I replied.

"Are you excited?" Lindsey asked me.

"I don’t know. I’ve never babysat before." I told her. "Have you done it before?"

"Yeah, several times, I really enjoy it." She told me.

Kristina chimed in at this point, "It’s a really great way to make some extra cash. I usually get at least sixty dollars a night for it — and it’s not really that hard of work compared to something like McDonalds."

"I know she said she’d pay me… I didn’t ask how much. It’ll be nice to have some more cash for our trip this week though. I just hope I can manage to do it — I’m not looking forward to changing diapers." I said.

"Well… that part kind of sucks," Kristina told me with a grin. "But you’ll have to deal with it one day anyway — might as well get used to it now."

I just nodded and moved back to my eating. Conversations weren’t very animated that morning. One of the girls that had gone to sleep before me asked how much longer we stayed up. "I don’t know, maybe an hour longer?" I suggested.

"Wow, it was three when I fell asleep," she told me.

"Were we really up that late?" I asked Amy.

"Probably."

"I think that’s the latest I’ve ever stayed up." I told her.

"I’ve stayed up later on these before… but usually during the summer when we haven’t had school the day of the party," she told me.

About that time the doorbell rang and we started saying goodbye to the girls one-by-one as their moms picked them up. By the time that Ashley’s mom came to pick her up (she was the last one), I had used my shower and changed into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. Her mom actually stayed and talked to ours for a little bit about the next week. She didn’t seem to know that much more than we did about what was going to happen.

After a short time they left leaving just Amy, her mom, and my mom to finish cleaning up from the party. We all worked together ‘til about noon. Amy’s mom heated up some of the leftovers from the previous night and we ate before loading up my mom’s van with all of the presents I’d gotten that night. Amy and her mom helped with getting everything in there, before I gave them both really big hugs. How had I ever gotten so lucky to have my own parents, and then Amy’s family too?

"Thank you again s-o-o-o much for the party!" I told them both.

"Well we had to make your first birthday party as Tiffany special!" Melanie told me.

I was afraid that I was going to start crying — again — so I quickly turned toward the car.

"Call me tomorrow Tiffany," Amy told me as I sat down in my mom’s car.

"I will. Hopefully tonight will be fun," I told her.

"It should be — at least you should be able to make it so." She told me.

"Anyway, I’ll talk to you tomorrow," I told her.

With that, Mom drove away towards our house. Dad came out and helped me bring all of the stuff in — pretty much covering my bed with stuffed animals. Seeing my bed like that made me really smile! I also hung my new dress up very carefully in the closet.

"Mom, how are we going to get that to New York without messing it up?" I asked her.

"We’ll pack it in a bag made for dresses like that. I bought one last week since I knew we’d need it for the trip. It should be able to fit both of our dresses in it."

"Do you have a dress for the trip already?" I asked her. I was excited to see my parents dress up really nicely.

"Yes, but you don’t get to see it until the trip," she told me.

"Why not? Please?" I asked.

"Maybe Monday, it’s off getting some alterations done on it. It didn’t completely fit right when I bought it."

"Alright… I guess I can wait till then." I said with some disappointment.

I continued straightening some things up in my room before going out in the living room and sitting down to watch TV. "So Tiffany, what happened yesterday?" Mom asked me.

"Do we have to talk about it?" I asked her.

"Yes sweetie we do. What exactly happened?"

"Well it wasn’t that much of a thing I guess…" I tried to temporize but she gave me her patented mom stare so that I knew I didn’t have a choice. "I went to my locker yesterday morning and found a card taped to my locker. It looked like a normal birthday card at first, but when I opened it I found this." I had gone over to my backpack and gotten the copy out.

I could see Mom’s face grow red, "Joe?" She called my dad and showed him the note that was inside the card.

"If I ever…" he started off, "This is a clear threat, what did Mrs. Henry say?" he asked me.

"Well she didn’t have any proof of who left it, though Amy and I are pretty certain who it was. I don’t know if she’s done anything else with it." I answered somewhat nervously.

"This school’s administration is going to have to do something about this or we’ll go ahead and sue them for this crap." He said angrily.

"Look Joe, let’s wait until we can talk to them on Monday and see if they’re doing anything about this."

"You’re right Babe," Dad answered calming down a bit. "Tiffany thank you for getting a copy of the note like we talked about." He told me before he left the room and went into the den where the computer was. I could tell he was really steamed about this — babysitting tonight was going to be a good thing to get away from that at least.

Don’t get me wrong, I was upset about the note, but at least at this point it was just a note… I’d been prepared for far worse by Dr. Reynolds. I was doing my best not to let it get to me — but Dad was making it really really hard.

I spent most of the rest of the afternoon in my room playing with my dolls and practicing the tryout routine that Ms. Clemens had given me. It was hard! Really hard! I knew if I could get it down, and we needed something like it, I’d have a much better shot at making the squad. At three I began putting some homework and a couple of books in my backpack. I had managed to distract myself pretty well before I went over to the Lind’s house at four.

"Hey Tiffany, thanks for coming over!" Mrs. Lind told me. "Jamie and Brittany are just getting ready to eat dinner. Can you help me get them fed while I get ready?" She asked.

"Sure, just tell me what to do," I told her with a smile. I had no idea what I was doing. Without any little siblings I was pretty much clueless… Thankfully her kids were some of the better behaved kids I would come across in my life. Most were a lot harder to deal with than hers.

I went into the dining room where Brittany was sitting in a high chair and Jamie was sitting on a booster seat so she could reach the table. "I’ve already cut Brittany’s food up for her — and she should be able to feed herself — but just keep an eye on them okay?" She asked.

"No problem." I said sitting down next to Brittany. Jamie was on the other side of the table and seemed to be doing fine on her own.

"What’s your name again?" Jamie asked me.

"I’m Tiffany," I answered her.

"Hi, Tiffany," she told me with a big smile. Smiles were a good thing with kids I figured. "Mommy said you’re going to stay with us tonight?" she asked.

"Yep! I’ll be watching you guys tonight while they go out." I immediately went on alert though… Kristina had warned me that a lot of times the parents she sat for snuck out of the house without telling the kids. Great! I’d been there for less than five minutes and I had already screwed up!

Her only response to that at that point was, "Cool!" She then went back to eating. I looked over at Brittany at that point to see her drop her sippy cup on the floor. I breathed a sigh of relief as I realized they weren’t going to throw a fit.

"Oopsie," she said.

I picked it up and put it back on the tray in front of her. At that point her mom walked back in, "What do you say Brittany?"

"Thank you," Brittany said to me.

"Good girl sweetie." I was amazed that she had managed to change, put makeup on, and get ready in the span of maybe fifteen minutes while I’d been watching them. I helped her get Brittany out of the high chair and clean her up — she wasn’t that messy since she was getting old enough she wasn’t too bad about it, but she still had a little bit of stuff on her face. I also helped Jamie hop down off of her booster seat and cleaned up the dishes.

"Okay Tiffany, there’s some money on the counter if you want to order pizza for yourself. If the girls want a piece each they can have one, no more than that." She showed me some emergency numbers. "If Brittany asks for her bottle, ‘her ba ba,’ as she calls it, I have two in the fridge. You don’t need to worry about warming them up — she’s used to them cold. She probably needs changed here soon too."

She continued the worried mother routine for fifteen minutes or so before she and her husband left to go to their party. I went searching and found Brittany sitting down on the floor playing with some toys and checked her diaper. It was pretty wet so I picked her up to take her to her room to change her.

I did it just like I had Wednesday with her mom present, and felt like I’d done a reasonable job. I’d tickled her belly a little bit as I changed her and been rewarded with loud giggles and smiles. Hey! Maybe this could be fun after all! Once I was done with her I put her back down on the floor and got rid of the diaper in the trashcan she had in her room. I followed her back out to the living room where both girls had a bunch of dolls and other toys they were playing with.

"Can we watch a movie?" Jamie asked me.

"Sure," I replied. "What do you want to watch?" I asked her as I looked at what they had.

"Sleeping beauty!" she told me.

"Okay," I said as I got the movie and put it in the VCR. Both girls settled down to watch the movie and seemed to be doing fine. As I sat on the couch I felt my stomach grumble. Her offer of pizza was sounding really good.

I walked over to the other room with the counter and called Pizza Hut asking for a medium pepperoni pizza. As I hung up the phone Brittany came up to me with her thumb in her mouth. "Can I have Ba-ba?" she asked.

My mom would have had a fit with seeing her still drinking out of that… but at the same time I think I was still drinking out of one at this age. "Sure Brittany," I said as I got one of the bottles out of the fridge. I handed it to her and she went back out to the TV to keep watching the video.

I looked at the clock on the microwave as I passed by; it was already almost six. The movie thoroughly grabbed both of their attention for the next Forty-Five minutes that I waited for my pizza to get there. When the doorbell rang I answered it paying for the pizza. This of course got both girls riled up a bit so I stopped the movie and got them back to the table.

Mrs. Lind had suggested that if they did want some pizza I go ahead and put a bib on Brittany and cut it up. She’d also warned me that realistically Jamie needed one too… but just to be prepared to clean her up.

I did as she suggested with Brittany and tried to keep an eye on Jamie — all while trying to eat my own pizza. I had downed about two slices when Jamie and Brittany both finished up. I stopped eating long enough to get both of them cleaned up and let them down. I moved into the living room at that time trying to eat a third slice (I was hungry!).

Their movie had about ten minutes left in it when I put the rest of the pizza up. I figured maybe I could eat some more when they went to bed at eight. As the movie finished I spent some time playing dolls with both of them, followed by hide-and-seek, and finally began getting them ready for bed. Brittany had a wet diaper that I changed and put her into a cute nightgown that she had.

Jamie in the meantime had been really good and changed into a pair of green pajamas she had. "Jamie did you put your pull-up on?" I asked her.

She looked kind of squeamish… "Yes…" She told me looking away.

"Come here real quick okay?" I asked her.

She really didn’t want to come but I somehow managed to stare long enough that she walked over. Her mom had told me that she really didn’t like wearing them to bed anymore — but that if she didn’t wear them she’d have a wet bed. I could tell pretty quickly she didn’t have it on.

"Jamie, come on let’s get your pull-up on," I told her.

"I don’t wanna," she told me. She looked like she was about to cry. "I’m not a baby, I don’t need pull-ups!" She was getting more upset.

"Jamie, a lot of girls your age still wear pull-ups." I told her. "In fact I have one friend that was still in diapers until she was five."

"Really?" She asked.

"Yeah, well actually I think she may have even been a little older than that until she was really potty trained. You’re just barely four okay? It’s not a big deal." I told her.

"I still don’t like them." She told me.

"At least it’s not a diaper," I told her.

"Yeah… I guess so…" she told me. "Would you put it on for me?" She asked me.

That was a really strange question. Why did she want me to put it on her? Maybe it was because of all of the attention I’d given her little sister?

"No Jamie, you’re a big girl. Why don’t you go put in on yourself?"

"No, want you to put it on." She told me.

"…Alright…" I helped her put it on. It was really bizarre. When we had her PJ pants back up she gave me a hug and I put her in her bed, covering her with her covers. I then picked up Brittany and put her in her bed — making sure the rail was up where she couldn’t roll out. The girls shared a room and Mrs. Lind said she read a story to both of them together each night.

I grabbed the book that I had been assured would be their request and began reading it to them. I had a lot of fun doing different voices in the story. For two kids that had heard this story a million times, they paid really good attention. Maybe it was just because I was a different person reading it. Before long both were sound asleep. I turned off the light and walked back down the hallway to the kitchen. Once there I grabbed a plate and reheated another slice of pizza.

I ate it very guiltily though… I didn’t want to get fat did I? Oh well. I thought to myself — I’d burn off the calories in a week or so with the dance squad tryouts. I was still thinking about Jamie and her request. It seemed kind of strange — I’d mention it to her mom to make sure that she knew about it.

With that I sat down on the couch and worked on homework that was going to be due next week. I checked on the girls a couple times that night, but around eleven when I checked on them I could smell something I really didn’t want to smell — Brittany must have a dirty diaper I thought.

I was about to change her when I heard a car pull up. I’d already picked Brittany up though so I decided just to go ahead and change her. There was just enough light from the two night lights in the room that I put her down on the table and took the diaper off gently.

I managed not to throw up as I changed her — it was really gross! As I was changing her I heard her mom come up behind me. "I could have done that," she told me.

"I figured I might as well do it," I replied as I finished taping up her new diaper. She did take the dirty one and emptied it into the toilet before putting it in the trashcan. In the meantime I put Brittany back in bed and covered her. I was amazed that she hadn’t woken up even a tiny bit during all of this.

I followed Mrs. Lind out to the living room where she said, "Thanks so much for watching them for us Tiffany. Did you have any problems?" She asked me.

"No, not really. Jamie wasn’t real happy with the pull-up. She tried to make me think she had put one on at first — I could tell she hadn’t — then she asked me to help her put it on. It was kind of strange," I told her.

"That is odd. She was probably just jealous of the attention you were giving Brittany. Every once in a while she does stuff like that. No big deal though." She told me with a smile. "So let’s get you paid." She said.

She reached into her purse and handed me a stack of twenty dollar bills. "Is a hundred-and-forty enough?"

I just about coughed at that point… "…Are you sure you want to pay me that much?" I asked her.

"Absolutely. That’s a very fair rate for watching two kids for seven hours," she told me.

"Well… I won’t turn it down." I said with a small smile.

"Good, we’ll have to have you come and sit for us again. You seem to have done a good job with them. I think you must have even cleaned up the living room a bit." She said.

"Well thanks again," I told her as I went out the door and walked across the street to my house. She watched me from her door until I was home; then turned out her porch light.

It was about 11:30 when I entered my house. I expected to find everyone asleep — but both my mom and dad had waited up for me. "Everything go alright?" Mom asked me.

"Yeah… though I think she overpaid me," I told her.

"How much did she pay you?" She asked.

"A Hundred-and-Forty!" I said, both excited and kind of squeamish.

"Wow, she was pretty generous. But she’s also right that it really isn’t as much as some people would ask for. It’s a great way for you to make some extra money."

"Yeah I guess so. Anyway, I’m tired — I think I’m going to go to bed." I told her and Dad.

"Goodnight Sweetie," Mom said to me as I went into my room. I put on a pair of pajamas and drifted off to sleep very quickly. What a couple of days!
 
 
Chapter 24
 
 

SUNDAY CAME AND went quickly. Between homework, working on dance stuff, practicing sax, and doing as little of anything else I could… yeah the weekend was gone that fast. When I got to school on Monday things went fairly smoothly — at least until I got to my locker at the end of the day.

There was another note in my locker, ‘Leave the school or else.’ I didn’t have enough time to run back to the office to show it to them so I went ahead and put it in my backpack quickly and ran to the bus. As I sat on the bus I wondered how much I needed to be concerned about these notes.

On one hand they were just words… but they were beginning to take their toll again like last year’s words. I was so busy thinking about all of this that I didn’t even notice that Lucas and Jarred were on the bus until I was getting off — and the two of them were behind me. My heart skipped several beats as I realized they must be following me.

There couldn’t be any other reason they’d be coming this way could there? I didn’t want to start running home — I’d worn a pair of shoes with a slight heel to them today and knew I couldn’t run in them. If I had to I could kick them off…

I decided just to keep walking. As I made it halfway up the block to my house I looked back to see them still behind me. ‘Oh no,’ I thought to myself. They had also gained some distance behind me — they were maybe a hundred feet behind me now. If I could manage to get my keys out I could probably get inside and lock the door before they could do something. I’d have to call 9-1-1 when I got inside… hopefully they wouldn’t try anything beyond that.

I was so scared at this point that I didn’t have anyone with me that I almost missed the fact that Mrs. Lind was sitting outside with Brittany and Jamie in the front yard. Seeing a better opportunity to stay safe I decided to cross the street and go over there.

Mrs. Lind must have noticed something on my face because she immediately clued into the fact I was scared of something. As I walked up she asked me, "Tiffany is everything okay?"

I shook my head, "Can I stay here for a few minutes until those two boys go away?" I had tilted my head slightly so she could tell who I was talking about.

"Sure… are you okay?" She asked. I think she instantly realized that I was scared of being hurt by them.

"I’ll be better when those two go away."

"Tiffany, why don’t you come inside with me and tell me what’s going on, okay?" she asked.

I nodded, I was really upset and almost in tears. She had gathered Jamie and Brittany, shoeing them to play with some toys in the living room while she sat down in the kitchen to talk to me. "So what’s up with those two boys?" She asked.

Suddenly I was really nervous… I didn’t know if she knew that I wasn’t born Tiffany or not… they’d just moved in this summer after I’d been dressing as Tiffany. Would she be open to the idea that she’d actually had a ‘boy’ watching her daughters this past weekend? Or, would she freak out and scream at me — sending me right back out to Jarred and Lucas to get beaten up or worse…

I just started crying at this point. I didn’t know what else to do. Eventually I managed to get out, "They’ve both attacked me before, and I found a second threatening note in my locker today." I sniffled a fair amount before continuing, "Then I saw them following me today and I knew they must be up to trying to get me again…"

"Why in the world would two boys want to attack you?" She asked completely flabbergasted.

"Umm… because I’m different…" I told her cryptically.

"You look normal to me Tiffany, if anything you’re probably one of the prettier girls at your school." She told me.

That brought a small smile to my face. "The problem they have is I wasn’t… I wasn’t born Tiffany…" I told her.

"What do you mean," She asked. She had a very quizzical expression on her face.

"I… I…" I paused. Everyone at school knew, what was the big deal with a neighbor knowing? I took a breath, "I used to be a boy."

"What?!?" She said louder than I think she meant.

"I used to be a boy named Brandon. This past year I realized that I was supposed to be Tiffany."

"Whoa… I’ve heard about people like you… I never would have guessed Tiffany." She said truly in a state of shock.

"I guess I should be going now… I’m really sorry I caused you any trouble, thanks for helping me out." I said as I started to get up and leave.

"Hold on a second Tiffany." She said. I sat back down. "You’re different, and I won’t deny this is strange, but I’m not going to send you out to those boys to get hurt one way or another."

I gave her a small smile, "Thanks Mrs. Lind."

"No problem Tiffany. I have to admit I probably should be more concerned about this — but I don’t think you’d ever do anything to harm my girls — and that’s my standard. I am curious though, how did this all come about?" She asked as she went into the living room to look for the two boys. They must have still been out there somewhere though because she motioned for me to keep talking.

"Well it began last year…" I told her the basic outline of the events that had led to this.

She didn’t really interrupt at all while I was telling the story. When I was done her only reaction at first was, "wow, this must be really hard for you…"

At least it wasn’t the ‘you freak’ comment that I had feared. Thankfully some grownups were able to use their heads on things like this. I still was sure though that she wouldn’t ever want me to babysit for her again.

"Tiffany, I can’t say that I’m in total agreement that you should be doing this… It kind of goes against what I believe in. But, I think you really are a special young lady." She told me as she came around the table and gave me a quick hug.

"Thank you." I told her.

The two of us talked for about ten more minutes until my mom drove into the driveway. Jarred and Lucas had left at some point during our conversation. Both Mrs. Lind and I were pretty sure they had been waiting for me — they’d sat outside the house for the better part of forty minutes watching to see if I was coming out. She came across the street to talk with Mom when I went over.

Brittany and Jamie came over too — I ended up showing them my room and my toys. They both got really excited when they saw my doll house and all of my Barbies. Thankfully they didn’t stay but a couple more minutes though — it’s not that I didn’t want to share… but I didn’t want to share!

I was kind of scared of letting Brittany play with them. Jamie didn’t really concern me as much — but I was afraid Brittany might break something. It was a pretty selfish thought, but it was what I was thinking. It also managed to distract me from my situation earlier. When they were gone Mom asked me where I wanted to get some food from — I answered McDonalds.

We drove there and I asked for a happy meal. Just because I wasn’t five didn’t mean I didn’t want the toy! I was amazed Mom didn’t interrogate me about the reason I was over at the Lind’s during the whole time we were getting food, or when I was eating. She didn’t even ask me about it while we were on my way to ballet.

I didn’t really want to talk about it more — but I was really surprised she wasn’t asking. That ended up being the least of my concerns though when I got to gymnastics practice. Tara proceeded to review and build on everything that we’d worked on the previous week.

By the time we got through that lesson I’d managed to actually get two front-flips in a row. I was pretty proud of myself for that. Of course when I tried the second time I couldn’t repeat the feat. Tara told me to make sure I practiced this week — but I did warn her I wasn’t really going to be able to because of the trip. She seemed pretty intrigued by what I was doing, and wished me luck.

As we traveled home that night Mom sat in silence still — she still hadn’t asked me about earlier. Once I had taken a shower at home I sat down in the living room. "Mommy aren’t you going to ask me about earlier?"

"What is there to talk about sweetie?" She asked fairly curtly. What did I do?

"Did I miss something here? What did I do?" I asked her with some tears forming in my eyes.

She apparently hadn’t meant to snap at me. "I’m sorry sweetie, I didn’t mean it like that. I just don’t know what to do. They won’t do anything about the note — since the boys didn’t do anything we can’t really do anything about them… and I don’t think there’s a single thing I can do to protect you against them…" She was in tears at this point — I was too.

I went over to her and gave her a long hug where we both cried on each other for a bit. "I’m sorry Mommy… If you want me to stop this… I guess…" Could I really offer that…? Could I really exist being Brandon again..?

She jerked slightly and her whole demeanor changed as she looked into my eyes. She put a finger up to my lips, "Tiffany, are you happier now?" She asked.

I didn’t have to hesitate for a moment, "yes, much happier," I said nodding.

"Then I don’t want you to even ever consider offering that for a moment. I doubt it would be possible for you to do anyway. We’ll get through this — it’s just going to be really hard." She told me pulling me in close to her. I guess I knew that this all was affecting my parents a lot too… but this was the first time I saw Mom have a problem with it.

"Thank you Mommy," I told her. The phone rang right about then. I was sitting on my mom’s lap (doing my best to not crush her…) so she had just leaned over to pick it up.

"Hello?" She said. "Oh Hi Amy, here give her just a second to go get the other phone," Mom said as she gave me a shove off her lap.

I ran to the phone next to our computer, sitting down in the computer chair before saying, "Hello?" into the phone.

"Hey Tiffany, is everything okay?" She asked me.

"Kind of… Why do you ask?"

"Well someone saw Jarred and Lucas get onto your bus. Then someone else said they’d heard something about they were going to do something to you today — I was worried. But you haven’t been home to answer the phone every time I’ve tried."

"Well… I don’t know if they were going to try something or not… but they did follow me home after school." I told her.

"What happened?" she asked, even more concerned now.

I related the events that happened — including the conversation I had at the Lind’s house, and what had just happened with my mom.

"Tiffany, I’m kind of worried about you. What happens if they actually decide to attack you like that?"

I started getting upset again, "I don’t know Amy… I don’t know. It’s not like I have a choice — I have to get home from school. Mom said she was going to talk to the driver about not letting them on again… but realistically there’s nothing that we can go to the school with. I’m hoping maybe they’re just playing mind games with me…"

"Well it’s working with me Tiff. You know the bus stop to my house is a lot closer to my house than yours is to yours. Maybe you could start coming here after school?" She suggested.

"Maybe… I’d feel really strange going to your house without you though." I told her.

"It’d be a lot better than the alternative. How weird can it be, you even have your own room here," she told me.

"I guess let me talk to my mom about it," I told her.

"Okay, I’ll talk to mine about it too." She told me.

"So how did practice go tonight?" I asked.

"Terrible. Two of the girls just mouthed off to Coach Holt and walked out today… I don’t think they’re going to be allowed on the squad anymore."

"That’s probably a good thing?" I asked her.

"Kind of… unfortunately they were the only other two eighth graders beside Kristina that were able to do anything decently. We probably are better off without their attitudes though. Anyway… it’s probably going to be even more fun as we get through tryouts next week. Some of the eighth grade girls were asking about you — they heard you were trying out. A couple of them weren’t too happy about the possibility of you making it. I hope they don’t do anything stupid though." She told me.

"Me too," I told her.

"So how did gymnastics go?" She asked suddenly realizing that tonight probably wasn’t the night to bring any more problems up.

"It went pretty well. I managed to do two front-flips in a row. Well, once at least. I mostly fell on my face and my rear most of the time still…" I told her.

She was laughing like a hyena on the other end. "I remember doing that… of course I was like four when I was trying to get that far!"

"Hey! Just because you had a head start," I said giggling a bit. The two of us lightened up considerably then and we had fun talking about a couple of other things. By the end of the conversation I felt considerably better. About the time I finished, around 9:30pm, Dad came in from work.

He’d had a late night dealing with something at work. I just hoped that he wouldn’t have something come up to where he couldn’t go on the trip with us. I wanted badly for him to be there. I talked with my parents very briefly at that point though — floating Amy’s idea as a suggestion, before going to my room, putting on my pajamas, and crawling into bed. I didn’t really want to think more about anything.

As I tried to go to sleep I heard my parents with raised voices out in the living room. ‘It was probably about me’ I figured laying there. ‘What was I going to do?’
 
 
Chapter 25
 
 
TUESDAY MORNING WAS the now normal routine of being picked up to go to school by Amy’s mom. "Tiffany, here." She handed me a key as we pulled into the school’s drop-off area.

"Are you sure?" I asked her.

"Why wouldn’t I be?" she replied.

"I don’t know…"

"You have your own room at our house! You’re welcome to come over anytime you want. I talked with your mom last night and we both think Amy had a really good idea. Our neighborhood also has a lot more people around there during the daytime — I think you would be safer."

Dad had mentioned that they thought it wasn’t a bad plan earlier when he talked to me. He got an emergency call into work though and left quickly after talking to me. I wasn’t sure if they were thinking I should go after school today or not…

"I appreciate it," I told her as I put it on my keychain. I gave her a hug through the window and went with Amy through our classes like normal.

During second hour I got called out of class to see Mrs. Henry. She wanted to see the note that I’d found and to talk to me about yesterday after school. "Tiffany I really wish I could catch whoever gave you these notes — so far I think it is two different people. The handwriting looks different on this one from the other one. I also wished I could do something about Lucas and Jarred riding your bus. But, they both had legitimate notes on why they needed to ride the bus there… and I don’t think I can do anything about it unless they do something to you." She told me with a lot of sympathy in her eyes.

I didn’t have anything left to me so I decided to just be polite. "Thanks anyway Mrs. Henry," I told her and headed back to class.

I was in kind of a foul mood after that… nothing physical had occurred since the first incident. But it was probably only a matter of time. At lunch that day I ate with Amy, Kristina, Lindsey, Ashley, and the rest of my gang, but noted that some of the eighth grade cheerleaders that had been eating with her had glared at me and moved to another table. The word was definitely out that I was trying out for the dance squad next week, and some of them weren’t happy about it.

I felt some nerves hitting with that — I just hoped that it didn’t cause more trouble than it was worth for me to try out. That ended up being the least of my worries by seventh period that day though. When I got to band to get my instrument out I discovered someone had glued my case shut.

Mrs. Remar was furious when I showed her what had happened. She and I then worked for the better part of ten minutes trying to get the lid unstuck. When it finally came loose one of the hinges broke on the case. My first thought was, ‘at least it’s open now and I can play…’ but inside I discovered yet another note.

The note read, ‘you won’t always be able to find someone to run to Tiffany, your days are numbered here at Holden. We’re not going to tolerate having a freak like you here.’ At that point I just started bawling. Mrs. Remar led me to her office where she closed the door and tried to calm me down.

"Tiffany, it’s okay — we’ll get your case fixed." She told me.

"I’m not worried about the case," I told her through my tears.

"This is the third note I’ve gotten in the last three school days. I think it’s from Jarred and Lucas — they followed me home yesterday… but Mrs. Henry can’t do anything since she can’t prove anything!"

Mrs. Remar gave me another hug, "Tiffany it’ll be alright. They’re just using the notes because they can’t get to you any other way."

"I hope you’re right." I told her.

"Come on, let’s get your horn together and play, okay?" She asked.

"Okay," I said meekly before going back into the classroom to try and play. I somehow managed to not completely butcher the parts — I was pretty upset. Ashley came up to me after class and walked me to my locker before I got to the busses. When I walked up to them I watched Jarred and Lucas get onto my bus.

It didn’t take but a moment for me to make up my mind what I was doing then — I got on the bus that would take me to Amy’s house. The driver gave me kind of a strange glance and asked, "Where’s Amy?"

"She’s got cheerleading practice, but I’m going to start going to her house after school sometimes anyway." I told her.

"Okay, I’ll check with your mom later though to make sure this is okay." She told me.

"That’s fine, she knows." I said.

I managed to get a seat and have an uneventful ride to her house. When I got to her house I let myself in with the new key — finding it really strange to be here without anyone else. I didn’t really know what else to do at the moment, so I got a glass of water and went up to my room to work on homework for a bit. Mom would be coming to get me for my sax lesson before anyone else got home.

The Hancock’s had been so thoughtful when they’d given me my own room — it made me feel a little bit better. I hadn’t necessarily seen a need for it before — after all it meant that Amy and I weren’t able to stay up all night talking! But, now I really appreciated the gesture as I sat down at a dresser/desk that was in there and began working on math homework.

Mr. Martin had given us our makeup work for the days we were missing — and I really didn’t want to have to worry about it on the trip! I worked solidly for an hour before I heard the doorbell ring downstairs. I ran downstairs and found Mom waiting at the door for me.

As I locked the door and stepped outside she asked, "So did this work out better?"

"Well I kind of decided it was safer after seeing Jarred and Lucas get on my bus." I told her.

"Well I’m okay if you want to do this each day. Mrs. Hancock seems to think it’s okay too, so just let me know which you decide."

"Oh I’m sorry… I completely forgot to call and leave you a message about this."

"Its okay sweetie, Linda told me you rode this bus. She wanted to make sure it was okay," she told me.

"Okay, sorry again."

"Like I said it’s fine, now let’s get you to your lesson." She said as we drove there. At the first stoplight she asked, "So how did today go?"

"Not good," I told her.

She sighed and asked, "What happened?" I could almost hear the ‘now’ part which she didn’t tack on the end.

I told her all about the case, thinking ‘at least they hadn’t damaged my saxophone.’ "Let’s have your teacher look at it, maybe they can fix it at the shop while you’re having your lesson." She told me.

She went into the music store with me when we got there and had them look at the case. While I was back in the studio working with my teacher the repairman took off the old busted latch and replaced it with a new one. I told them thank you when we finished up, and was happy that my teacher said it was a free repair. She was the owner of the music store — so she had the ability to do so.

Sandra was a really neat teacher — she had dealt with my transition without any issues. She just kept torturing me and working on my playing ability no questions asked. If anything the only reason why I got mad at her sometimes was because she was so brutally honest with me. If I messed up — she let me know. We were trying to focus on making the district honor band with me. Those auditions were going to be in December — and the music was difficult

After an hour of torture on it I was certainly ready to get home. We actually skipped that step and went directly to Applebees to meet my dad. Mom didn’t feel like cooking that night. As we sat down at a table Dad came in the door. He didn’t look like he was in a very good mood, and most of dinner was had in silence.

As Mom drove me home to get changed for Tae Kwon Doe I asked, "Mom is everything alright with Dad?"

"He’s just stressed sweetie, things are going to be okay." She told me.

"Is he mad at me?" I asked her.

"Why would you ask that?"

"Because I’m the reason for all of the problems…"

"Where are you getting this from?" She asked me.

"You two were yelling at each other last night."

"Look sweetie, we were having a discussion — it got a little loud — but it was still just a discussion. Your dad and I love each other very much, and no, we’re not going to split up if that’s what you’re worried about."

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Yes sweetie, I’m sure. Daddy’s just stressed right now from some stuff going on at work. And sweetie," Mom started.

"What?"

"I know with everything in my heart he loves you very much, and wouldn’t do anything to hurt you."

"I know… but I’m still worried." I told her.

"It’s really okay." She reassured me. That night we got home, I got changed, and I went to practice. Amy was there — that helped make things better — and the two of us had a lot of fun.

The nice thing about the class, more than anything else, is that I was slowly learning some ways to protect myself the next time I was attacked. Unfortunately that is how I was viewing it at that point — it seemed like only a matter of time before I was attacked. Realistically it was going to take several years of training before I would be competent in any of this… but every little trick and help was another moment that I could survive.

Mom gave Amy a ride home that night — so the two of us were able to chat and I vented to her about everything. When we dropped her off she gave me a hug and said, "Just one more day Tiffany, then we’ll be gone for our trip!"

"Amy thanks for sticking with me," I told her as she headed inside.

We drove home and I hopped in the shower. Once I was done Mom helped me work on beginning to pack stuff for the trip — I noticed that Dad still hadn’t come home again. "Mom is Dad even going to be able to go with us?" I asked her.

"Sweetie he’s working late tonight so that he can. He said there were some things that he had to get done before he can take off. He’ll be going on the trip." She told me.

"Promise?" I asked her.

"Yes sweetie." She told me. "Now let’s finish working on some of this packing okay?"

"Okay." I told her as I began wondering why I was so concerned about Dad going. He had been better about being around since all of this began… but recently he’d been gone more and more again. I understood that he had a difficult job, but still. His biggest problem was that as a management person he was also their main troubleshooter.

The family that actually owned the company kept getting in his way at times — the daughter wanted to do things that were stupid (and he opposed as such), and realistically bad for the company. My dad kept things turning a good profit but the company definitely was taking him for granted. With everything going on my dad kept getting dragged in for one thing after another since they didn’t have to pay him overtime if he came in. The only good thing is that he did get some profit sharing out of it — just not really enough to make the job’s stress worth it.

Of course I understood that… but at the same time I wanted him to be there for me. I wanted him to come to my concerts and everything else. When he was around I felt safer from some of the stuff — I knew he wouldn’t let anyone harm me if he could help it. Of course I wasn’t seeing him often enough right now for that to happen.

About the time that I had my pajamas on and was climbing in bed I saw his headlights reflect through my window. I jumped out of bed and hugged him goodnight before heading right back to bed. It was already past my bedtime… and Mom didn’t want me to stay up any later that night. As I went to sleep I couldn’t help but resent his job.

THURSDAY I HAD hoped I would be able to just have a brief, but good day at school. My wish was not to happen though. Right off the bat I started off bad — we had a really hard pop quiz in science because a bunch of students just started messing around. I had no doubt that I had really messed up on it. At least Amy wasn’t happy about it either. By the time we got to choir the two of us weren’t in the best of moods.

Things only got worse from there though, we were both called to the office just as we were getting ready to sing our favorite piece. It turns out that someone decided to get more ambitious with their attacks on me - all while including Amy in the incident as well. Both of our lockers had been ‘tagged’ with graffiti done with a marker. Mine in particular referenced the sexual acts that the offenders wanted to do with me and seemed to say that today I was going to be attacked after school. Amy’s wasn’t particularly better.

This sent both of us into tears, and for a second I thought maybe Amy should just give up on our friendship. It was hurting her… and I was afraid if they couldn’t attack me they would get her… As we sat in the conference room waiting for Mrs. Henry to come back and talk to us some more I decided to offer her an out, "Look Amy… I’m kind of worried that if you keep…"

"Stop Tiffany, don’t even think about finishing that sentence," she told me.

"But…"

"No. Do you think I honestly care what other people think about me?"

I just sat there like an idiot.

"Tiffany, you are my best friend — you’re such a great person. I don’t care what anyone else says or does."

"But Amy, it’s not like I do anything for you…"

"That’s not even close to true Tiffany. You listen to me endlessly telling all my problems, you’re a ton of fun to hang around with, and so much more. You don’t even ask for anything in return! You’re like a sister to me, so don’t even think of trying to tell me I’d be better off not being your friend — because that’s not true."

I couldn’t do anything else at that moment but cry and give her a hug. "I’m sorry Amy." I told her.

"There’s nothing to be sorry about." She told me.

The two of us managed to get a hold of ourselves a couple minutes before Mrs. Henry came back in. We were actually managing to talk about some small talk when she came in. "Ladies I’ve called your parents about this incident, and they want to come down to talk with everyone present. I’d like for you both to come with me to get your lunch from the cafeteria, and then you’ll eat here in the conference room."

"Can’t we go and eat with everyone like normal?" I asked. Why should Amy get screwed by this too?

"This was a request by your parents. They’re concerned about your safety with the way some of this was done — and the fact it seems to be escalating. So I do need you both to get your food and come back here."

"Could we get some of our friends to join us in here?" Amy asked. That was a reasonable request right?

"Well… Like who?" She asked.

Amy listed off Nikki, Ashley, Lindsey, Kristina, Kyle and David.

"I suppose I can try and see what I can do. Give me a couple minutes." She said as she left the room. As promised she returned shortly and said, "Come on ladies."

She led us to the cafeteria at that point — still several minutes before everyone else was going to be released. As we stood in line all of the people that Amy had listed off also showed up. When we all had our food she led us back to the conference room where we immediately began getting interrogated by them.

"Tiffany, what’s going on?" Lindsey asked me when Mrs. Henry had left.

"Someone put some graffiti on our lockers — and they’re overreacting…" I answered, knowing that was probably not true.

"I don’t know Tiff, I heard about what they put on your lockers — I’m kind of worried about you two," Kyle said.

"It’s just graffiti Kyle," Amy told him.

"But where does it stop? I can definitely see your parents getting upset. The stuff on the lockers was really bad." He told her.

"So are you two going to be let back into class today?" Nikki asked.

"I don’t know…" I said.

"I guess our parents don’t want us to do anything until they’ve made it down here." I told them.

"Tiffany, this isn’t the first note you’ve gotten this week…" Amy said.

"What other notes have you gotten?" David asked me.

I told him about everything that had started last Friday. "This is so stupid, what’s their problem? It’s not like you’re hurting anyone Tiff," Kyle said to me.

Our friends helped us vent in that manner for about twenty minutes before Mrs. Henry came back in and sent them off to class.

"Okay girls, your parents should be here soon — as soon as they are we’ll talk about what we’re going to do about this. Hopefully we’ll be able to get you back into your classes by the end of the day."

We both just sat there bored for the next ten minutes after that. To say that we were mad would have been an understatement. Several of our classes in the afternoon were supposed to have tests — and we were going to have to make those up in addition to all of our other makeup work for the week. I was just hoping that maybe we could finish the day without it turning into something worse than it already had.

"Tiffany, did you remember about today after school?" Amy asked.

"Huh?"

"Mom’s taking us to the salon! You didn’t forget did you?"

"Actually… with everything else going on this week I’d completely forgotten about it." I paused. "Amy, is it ever going to stay normal for any length of time?" I asked.

"I don’t know Tiffany. I have a feeling if we can make it through this year things’ll get forgotten eventually. Maybe even enough that this stuff will stop happening."

"Maybe I should have gone to a different school this year."

"Absolutely not Tiffany. Look for every one of these jerks that are doing this stuff you have a friend who cares about you here. Just hang in there — we’ll get through this," She told me.

"Amy, I don’t know what I’d do without you." I told her.

"Be bored all the time of course!" She told me.

"So have you gotten anything out of your dad about what all we’re doing in New York besides the film festival?" I asked her.

"No. He’s keeping everything a secret from me. I think they’ve told our parents… but everyone is trying to surprise us for some reason."

"I guess it’s not a big deal — it should be fun either way. My parents and I have never been to New York."

"Mine have — Dad actually went to school somewhere in that area for a few years. Mom also has some family out there that she used to visit when she was a kid. But I haven’t been there before either."

"Cool." I said. "I’m kind of hoping to see a couple of cool sights like the Statue of Liberty and Central Park."

"Well the place where the festival is happening is actually in the city… so maybe we will get to do that. I’ve never been there before either. Personally I’d like to go see a show on Broadway… and maybe go to Fifth Avenue."

"What’s on Fifth Avenue?"

"What do you mean ‘what’s on Fifth Avenue?’ You don’t know what Fifth Avenue is?"

I shook my head.

"Tiffany, it’s like one of the most expensive shopping places in the world. I’ve heard there are some really cool things there. Not that even my parents could afford much there… but I still think it would be cool to go shopping there." She told me about some of the stores that were in that area — I had actually heard of a few of them.

"That does sound like fun." I told her.

"I think my parents would work to set up some things like that… but who knows. We’ll find out tomorrow!"

"Yeah," I said. "Amy, do you…" The door opened before I could finish my question. My mom and dad came in, followed by Amy’s parents, the superintendent, and both principals. Mom and Dad gave me a hug — Amy’s parents did the same thing — before switching the other way too.

"Okay what’s going on here Mrs. Hinther, Mrs Henry?" My dad angrily asked. "Our daughter should be having a safe educational experience at this school. You were given plenty of notice that there was a problem with students getting to her locker and doing things — yet you haven’t done anything about it?"

"Mr. Jacobson promise we…" Mrs. Hinther tried starting.

"No, Mrs. Hinther, don’t try to tell us you are doing everything you can, because you’re obviously not!" My mom said.

My parents both vented into them for a good five minutes before they stopped to catch their breath. At that point Mr. Hancock got involved, "Mrs. Hinther, Mrs. Henry, I have to say that I am equally concerned about the welfare of Tiffany, and Amy at this point. I know for a fact that Tiffany has given you each note that she has received. This means that you of course knew what was going on."

"There were several solutions you could have taken at that point, but as far as I can tell you haven’t done any of them. I guess my first question today is when were their lockers vandalized?" Mr. Hancock gave them a stare that made my own blood chill. He said everything so calmly and precisely — there was no overt hint of anger in his voice.

"Mr. Hancock we’re not really sure exactly when it happened." Mrs. Henry said. "We know that the two of them didn’t stop by their lockers between second and third — so it may have already been there. But, we’re guessing it happened during the first part of third period."

"So you are just letting students roam through the hallway at will?" He asked her.

"Well no Mr. Hancock, every student is supposed to have a pass if they’re not in class." She said.

"So I’m assuming you have gone to every teacher at this point and asked them which students were let out at that time? And perhaps all of the students that were late to class?"

"I’m in the process of doing that Mr. Hancock." She replied.

Part of me was kind of upset that Mrs. Henry was taking the brunt of this… but this was her job — she should’ve already had that answer. "It needs to be done as soon as possible," He told her and Mrs. Hinther. "I have also contacted the police — I wish to have them in on the investigation as well. We will be pressing harassment charges on the perpetrators of this."

"I can understand that," Mrs. Henry said politely. I don’t think she was taking it personally at least. "I am doing everything I can with this — someone will eventually talk. That is inevitable with students involved with this kind of thing."

"I sure hope so. Now that I know that you are investigating properly, what are we going to do to prevent this from happening in the future?"

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Hinther asked. This was one of the first times she had spoken.

"Well, obviously there must be a safer place for the two of them to have their lockers. Tiffany has already had far too many threatening notes left within her locker — not to mention this incident. Is there a safer place that they can have lockers? Perhaps they could have one next to a classroom where a teacher will be on duty?"

"We can look into that Mr. Hancock, but unfortunately we already have every locker assigned at this point. There are even a number of students who have ended up sharing lockers since we didn’t have enough to go around this year." Mrs. Hinther answered.

"It sounds like a problem that you can take care of though," Mr. Jameson directed. "My question for you Mrs. Hinther is how are we going to guarantee the safety of these young ladies while they’re here in this school? Realistically I think that Tiffany is in more danger than Amy, but it seems to be guilt by association right now for Amy too. What steps are we going to take?" He asked her.

I was really surprised to hear a school official ask that question in front of non-school officials. Mrs. Hinther was especially shocked by this too — you could see it on her face.

"Well we’ve already made sure that she has friends in each of her classes that can walk from class to class with her. What more do you want? A teacher to walk them from class to class? I would think that would make things worse." She told him.

Personally I agreed with her there. I took a brief glance at Amy — she and I shared a silent ‘PLEASE NO!’ look.

"Mrs. Hinther, I don’t really believe that’s a good answer either. Tell me are teachers monitoring the hallways?" My mom asked.

"They’re supposed to be." She answered.

"Where are you during the passing periods?" Mr. Hancock asked.

"Usually in the office…"

"Well there’s a start to a solution right there," My mom told her. "You should be stationing yourself out where trouble could be happening — in this case you know which classes these girls have. Stand in between their two classes. If they have a problem you should be able to pick up on it — if not then they just go on by like normal students."

Go MOM!

"I think that sounds like a good solution Mrs. Hinther," Mr. Jameson said. "I want to see it done."

"We’ll make sure it begins happening," Mrs. Henry answered for the dumbstruck principal.

"Now, for today, what are we going to do for these two? They have a threat on them that I think is fairly serious. Obviously the students that did it feel safe enough to be public about it. Do you think you’ll be able to figure out who did this today?" Mr. Hancock asked Mrs. Henry.

"I don’t know sir, realistically I’m guessing I’ll find out by Monday for certain. Today will probably be a little quick for that to get to me."

Mr. Hancock and my parents talked quietly for a few moments. "Would you please let Coach Holt know that Amy won’t be at practice today? I think we’re going to go ahead and take them home for today. They’ll be back on Monday after we get back from New York."

"Um… Okay." Mrs. Henry answered. "We’ll do everything we can in the meantime to figure out what’s going on."

"Yes you will, because if I feel for one second that you aren’t you can plan on a suit filed against the school next Friday. The suit will name both of you in it if that happens."

"Is that a threat Mr. Hancock?" Mrs. Hinther asked.

"No, it’s a fact of reality. The girls have a right to a free and safe education — they will get it. If it’s not provided to them willingly I will fight for it to be." He told them. Once he had paused for a moment he said, "Well thank you for your time, we’re going to take the girls now."

He motioned for all of us to go ahead and leave. Amy and I went together really quickly to our lockers to get our stuff. The custodians had done a decent job of getting the marker off… but you could still see some black marks here and there.

"I wish they would have cleaned it off sooner Tiff," Amy told me.

"Yeah, leaving it up between third and fourth hour just guaranteed that every student would see it."

"Well, let’s get out of here. At least we’re getting out of a half-day of school now." Amy told me as we walked away from the lockers.

"Yeah… but that means we have like three tests to make up next week from today. And that’ll be in the middle of the dance camp…" I told her.

"It’ll work out. Besides, maybe some of the teachers will decide to not make us take them?" She suggested.

"Maybe if you ask," I told her.

"What, you think that you can’t pull it off just as easily now?"

"Not really." I said as we caught up with our parents standing outside the office door.

"Are you two ready?" Amy’s mom asked us.

We nodded in response before they led us outside. "Well, this wasn’t exactly in my plans for today," Mr. Hancock said when we went outside. "Do you guys need to get back to work?" He asked my parents.

"Yeah I do," my mom said.

"So do I," my dad agreed.

"Why don’t you two go ahead and I’ll just take Tiffany to our house. We were going to pick her up to go to the salon later anyway," Amy’s mom suggested.

Mom looked a bit pained to be leaving me after all of this, but she replied, "That’s probably the best plan." Looking at me, "Tiffany come here for a moment though okay?" She asked.

I went over to their car and talked to Mom and Dad on my own for a few moments. They were mainly concerned about me and wanted to make sure everything was alright. Well… it wasn’t, but it could have been worse right? And everyone knew I would be just as safe with the Hancocks. They both gave me a hug before I went back over to Mrs. Hancock’s car and got in next to Amy.
 
 
Chapter 26
 
 

THE DRIVE TO Amy’s house was quiet. Before we got there though Amy’s mom asked, "Did you two eat lunch?"

"Yeah." I said.

"Kind of." Amy added into the same sentence.

"So I take it that you had it, but didn’t eat much of it?" She guessed.

"Basically." Amy replied.

"Do you two want to stop somewhere real quick?"

"Sure," Amy said.

"Is that alright with you Tiffany?"

"That’s fine," I said. I wasn’t trying to be rude… I just wasn’t feeling very ‘up’ after listening to the adults argue over us for that long.

I didn’t look up, but I could feel the look of concern from the front seat. The graffiti had upset me a good amount, but really it had been the battle that had been had in the office that really upset me. Was it worth all of this just to be the person I was?

We ended up at Burger King and each ordering a kids meal. If I’d been a boy still there would have been no way I ever would have ordered one, but as a girl it was kind of cute. We took the food home to eat — sitting down at the dining room table to quietly eat our chicken tenders. After we finished Amy and I migrated upstairs to her playroom where we just sat doing nothing for a while.

"What do you want to do?" She asked me.

"I don’t know, you?"

"Nothing really… but I don’t want to just sit here."

"Neither do I."

"Barbies?" She asked.

I shook my head, "not really."

"TV?" she asked.

"I don’t know what I want to do… that doesn’t really sound like it though either."

"It’s pretty warm outside right now… we could go swim — or at least sit in the pool for a while," she suggested. "I think my parents are going to have to have it drained in about a month for the winter — so we’re not going to have a lot more time with it for a while."

"Okay, I guess that works. What time is it?" I asked her as we got up and left the room.

She glanced at a clock in her room real quick, "Two. We have an hour and a half until we’ll need to leave."

"Okay, that’s enough time to swim for a bit and shower, right?" I asked her.

"Should be."

"Just checking." I said as I went to my room to get dressed.

At this point I had most of my swimsuits at her house. I looked through what I had and decided to choose my ‘first’ one. It was one with Ariel from the Little Mermaid on it. Amy’s mom had bought one for all of the girls for the slumber party that Amy had at the end of the year last year. Basically it was also the event that changed the ball from rolling slowly to tumbling down the tunnel like in the Indiana Jones movie…

For some reason it seemed like a comforting suit to wear at that moment. I had only worn it a couple times since then — I had others I looked better in. As I came out and went down the hallway to see if Amy was done her door opened. "You stole my idea Tiffany!" Amy told me.

Apparently the two of us thought more alike than I had ever realized. She had worn the same swimsuit, only the second time for her. That sent the two of us into a giggling fit as we went downstairs. "Where are you two heading?" Her mom asked.

"Umm… Mommy may we go swimming?" Amy asked belatedly.

"We’re going to the salon at 3:30," she told us.

"We should have more than enough time to swim and shower before then," Amy said.

"Please?" I added.

"Oh alright, but I’m going to kick you both out at 2:50 so you can get showered. I don’t want them to have to deal with two girls fresh out of the swimming pool."

"Thanks!" we both said together as we hurried outside to the pool. The two of us spent the time mainly floating around — not saying or doing much. After about forty minutes we migrated over to the jacuzzi. That felt really good, but we only were able to spend about five minutes in it before Amy’s mom sent us upstairs to go shower.

I didn’t spend a long time in the shower on anything other than my hair. I did want to get all of the pool water washed out of it. As I got out and got dressed I looked at my hair. Since the last time I had been to the salon I had added a fair amount of hair to my head. I figured I’d added another 3 inches to the length of my hair — I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with it from here.

I grabbed a hairbrush from my dresser and went downstairs and sat on a couch brushing my hair out. Amy’s mom had a talk show on, and I just brushed my hair non-stop while watching the show. I was joined by Amy a little while later and in no time at all we were being herded into their car to go to the salon.

By the time we got to the salon Amy and I seemed to have relaxed a bit — some of the tension we were feeling was leaving us. The two of us were chatting normally as we walked in.

"Hello Mrs. Hancock, how are you doing today?" The owner of the salon greeted us.

"I think we’ve all had better days, but we’re kind of hoping you can help us forget that." She told her.

"I’m sorry to hear that. We will certainly do our best to work on that though." The owner said with a very vibrant smile. "What all are we doing today?" She asked as she led us towards a room where they would have us put on some really soft robes that I remembered from last time.

"Well we want to get Amy and Tiffany a new hairstyle that looks great for everyday stuff as well as more formal events. We’re going to be going to an event Friday that they’re both going to be dressed up for — we’d like to be able to do something with their hair for that."

"Why don’t you come back here Friday and I’ll get them ready no charge?" She suggested.

"We’d love to take you up on that, but unfortunately we’re going to be in New York for the event."

"Really? In that case do you think you can make it to…" she rambled off an address in New York. It might as well have been gibberish to me though — I had no idea where anything was in that city.

"That’s not too far from where we’ll be. Why do you ask?"

"Well I’ve got a really good friend there that owns a salon. She owes me a couple favors. Is this a really big event?" She asked.

"We think it is. The girls, and two of their friends, produced a video back in May for a class that has been picked up by a Film Festival there. Originally it was just going to be a minor daytime showing, but instead they decided to attach it to the main event film on Friday night. We’ve been told to come dressed for a ‘red carpet’ event."

"That’s awesome. Why don’t you three go ahead and get changed in here and I’ll try and get a hold of her while you’re getting worked on today." She said.

Once the door was shut we repeated what we’d done in June when they’d brought me here. I faced one wall and changed while they did the same. When we were all done we turned around. I hated the fact that I still had parts that none of us were comfortable seeing. If only they were already gone!

Once we got out of there we were led to some very nice leather seats that I remembered well from last time. Amy’s mom actually came over to the girls that were working on Amy and I first before going anywhere else. "Okay, this is Tiffany’s dress she’s going to be wearing on Friday, and this is Amy’s," she said showing them some photographs that she’d taken.

‘We probably should have brought the dresses with us,’ I thought to myself.

"We should be able to match these without any problem," one of them told her.

"Thanks," she told her before she went off to her own ladies section of the salon.

The one that had answered her came over to me, "Hi Tiffany, my name is Lilly, how are you today?"

"Honestly I’ve had better days, but I think this is going to help that," I told her with a smile.

"Well I’ll certainly do my best to live up to that. What do you want to do with your hair?" She asked me.

"Well… you know the haircut that Rachel on Friends has?" I asked her. She nodded. "Can you do something like that?"

"That’s become really popular recently, I can definitely do it. You’ve got just enough hair right now to make it come out right too." She told me.

"Cool," I told her.

"Well let’s start working then!" She told me with a smile.

She led me over to another chair where she washed my hair in a sink. As she washed my hair and massaged my scalp I couldn’t help but smile — even with everything that had gone wrong this past week at least this felt really really good. She wrapped my hair up for a couple moments in a towel while she led me back over to the really comfy chair.

"So Tiffany, what all do you do besides school?" Lilly asked me as she began working on my hair.

"Well I’m in band, I play saxophone. I also have been taking some dance and gymnastics classes so far this year."

"That’s neat, how long have you been doing the dance and gymnastics thing?" She asked as her scissors clipped.

"I just started actually. I’m kind of hoping to improve my chances to make it on to a new dance squad that my school is forming. The tryouts begin this next week."

"Well you’re certainly pretty enough to be on one!" she told me.

I blushed, "thanks," I told her.

"No problem, it’s true…" She made small talk with me off and on for a while as she worked on my hair.

After a while she left my hair to sit while another girl came over and did my nails. As she continued on my nails Lilly came back and did my first facial. I have to be honest… It kind of felt good, but at the same time it was really weird. I had mixed feelings on that experience. I did appreciate it as she massaged my face a bit.

The girl that was doing my nails actually started off with massaging my hands and feet — that part was easily my favorite part. There was something about it that made me feel really good. For a few moments as I sat there I wondered what it would be like to have a guy like Kyle do that for me. I shook my head clear of that thought pretty quickly though… that was still too weird.

After what seemed like merely ten minutes Lilly cleaned my face off, finished off with my hair, and turned me around to where I could see the finished product.

My heart definitely stopped for a moment as I looked at myself in the mirror. I’d had several moments recently where I was surprised by how I looked, but this one was just as exciting. I loved my hair. The layers worked really well with my blonde hair — especially since parts of my hair were naturally darker than others.

"What do you think Tiffany?" Lilly asked me.

"Wow!" I breathed. "It’s really cute!" I told her.

"I agree, it looks really good on you. Do you like the nails too?" She asked.

I looked down at my fingernails and toenails. I had been growing my nails out since the summer — trying not to cut or break them as much as I could. Because of that they were actually fairly long, long enough not to have fake nails added. The base coat on them was a blue that looked like it matched my dress perfectly. On top of the base coat there was a lighter blue that they had added some sort of curved design to it with. Included in the design they had added three little white ‘pearl’ things on each nail.

They were really so pretty! My toenails were done similarly, though they altered the design so that it was bigger for my big toe and got smaller through each of my little toes. After the fun I’d gone through today I was finally able to completely smile. I was going to be going to a major movie rollout event — and I was going to look the part!

I went back to the room where we had changed to get my clothes back on. I had just gotten dressed when Amy came in to change. "Tiffany, your hair is cute!" she squealed before coming over to me and giving me a hug.

I looked at her and she had them do some different things with hers too. It now curled under a bit more and she’d gotten rid of her bangs. "Your hair is really cute too," I told her. She changed really quick and we both went outside to where her mom was already waiting.

"Tiffany I love your hair! That style looks great on you." Amy’s mom told me. "Amy I think that yours is great too!" she said. I hoped Amy didn’t mind that her mom complimented me first…

"Thank you. And thank you for bringing me back here!" I told her as I gave her a hug. We walked outside to their car all talking.

I looked at Amy’s nails as we drove towards my house. She had to have some acrylic nails attached since she was constantly breaking hers. The nails were done in a light purple with some white designs on top of that. They had then attached some silver ‘jewel’ things on top of hers like they had done the pearls with mine.

"So your dress is a light purple?" I asked her.

"Yeah, lavender actually — it’s really pretty. I meant to show it to you earlier this week but completely forgot."

"That’s okay — as long as you let me see it when we get to our hotel tomorrow!" I told her with a smile.

"Okay." She said. The two of us were back to normal by the time that they dropped me off at my house.

My parents were both home at this point and my mom came out to talk to Amy’s mom. "Tiffany I love your hair," my mom said as she saw it. She made me turn around so she could see it from the front and the back. "It’s really cute Tiffany," she told me.

"Thanks Mommy," I told her. She admired my nails, Amy’s hair, and Amy’s nails, for a couple minutes before she and Amy’s mom started talking about their plans for meeting at the airport tomorrow. They didn’t talk too long before Mom and I went inside.

Dad was sitting at the computer in the dining room, he turned around as I came in. "Wow, your hair is really pretty Tiffany," he told me.

"Thanks, look at my nails!" I told him as I ran over so he could get a good look. Mom hadn’t looked at them yet for some reason. They both admired them as I put them out in front of them.

"They’ll go really well with your dress," Mom told me.

"I know, I can’t wait!" I told them. I was glad that nothing was said about earlier on in the day. Instead we just finished working on packing everything to go on our short trip. Our flight was leaving at 7am so Mom pushed me to get stuff packed as quickly as we could so that I could get to bed early. Shortly after 8pm the phone rang though.

"Tiffany, it’s for you!" Dad called from the other room.

I asked him, "Who is it?" as I walked over to take the phone from him.

"I don’t know, some boy?" he said.

I just stuck my tongue out at him, he was not the most useful person sometimes, and said, "Hello?" into the phone.

"Hey Tiffany, this is Kyle, how are you doing?"

"I’m doing okay. How are you?" I asked him back.

"Okay I guess. I know you’re getting ready for your trip tomorrow, so I won’t talk long, but I just wanted to make sure everything was alright. You and Amy just disappeared after we saw you at lunch today. And I was kind of worried about you two."

‘That was really sweet of him,’ I thought. "Things are okay I guess… the principals promised to look into things — but our parents are pretty unhappy with them. They’ve basically threatened them with a lawsuit if things aren’t taken care of by next Friday…"

"Whoa." Kyle said.

"Yeah… it sucks. I wish whoever was doing this stuff would just stop. It’s not like I’ve done anything to them." I told him.

"Whoever is doing it is just jealous of you I think Tiffany." He told me.

"What are they jealous of?" I asked him. I really didn’t want to think about this stuff right now, but I did want to talk to him for some reason.

"Let’s see you’ve got some of the coolest friends in the school, you’re one of the nicest girls in the school, and you’re one of prettiest girls in our grade." He told me.

"You don’t have to say that Kyle," I told him.

"It’s true though. Anyway, so everything’s okay?" He asked.

"I guess so… kinda sorta… our parents just didn’t see any reason for us to stick through the school day with everything that happened today. They also wanted to give them some time to figure out who was doing it. I’m just afraid that one of these days someone is going to make good on those threats…" I told him.

"Look if there’s anything I can do about that Tiffany, let me know. I was trying to figure out who was behind this stuff earlier, but none of the guys on the team seem to know anything about it. I’m pretty sure that Jarred and Lucas had a hand in it — but no one is saying anything about them."

"Yeah… I don’t know Kyle. I just hope it stops soon. I don’t want it to get in the way of me trying out for the dance squad next week."

"It won’t. We’ll make sure of it Tiff," he told me. It made me smile, I’m not sure why, but just the fact that he cared that much made me smile again.

"Thanks Kyle."

"No problem Tiffany, anyway I’ll let you go. I just wanted to make sure that everything was going alright for you. Have a safe trip." He told me.

"Thanks again, goodnight," I told him.

"Goodnight," he told me and we both hung up.

What was going on? Was Kyle actually interested in me? Was I interested in him? These questions were swirling about my mind when my mom asked, "So what boy were you talking to?"

"Kyle." I told her.

"Is there something going on between you two?" Mom asked me.

"Not that I know of," I told her honestly.

"Just remember you’re not allowed to date until you’re sixteen." She told me.

I stuck my tongue out at her and went to finish packing some shoes I had forgotten to put in a bag. Soon I was in bed just trying to fall asleep. Thoughts raced in my head so that I didn’t go to sleep until way past two hours after trying. One minute I would think about everything that had been going wrong at school, the next would be trying to figure out if I liked Kyle or not, the next would be thoughts about the trip. What would New York be like? Had I packed everything I needed? Would we get completely booed out of the theater? Had they done this just to make their film look better? What else would I see and do while I was there? They still hadn’t told us anything.

---

 
To Be Continued...