What Mother Didn't Know
by Barbara Lynn Terry

This story is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of any characters, places, events, or experiences, relating to any real persons, places, events, or experiences is strictly coincidental. This story is a product of the author's imagination. Also, if you have not had any of these experiences, please do not count what you read as either false or unrealistic.

Part One

Chapter One - Ronnie just needs to be herself.

For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to be a girl. Maybe need to be would be more correct. I just turned twelve years old in August. I have long, light brown hair that shimmers when light hits it. I have wide blue eyes, eyelashes any girl would die for, an oval face (I get that from my mother), and even a tiny figure. Not much of a figure, but enough not to be mistaken for a boy when I am dressed as a girl. My mother has never seen me dressed as a girl though, because I was never at home during the summer. I would go and stay with her best friend's family up north. There I was accepted as the girl I am, and was allowed to dress the part also. I always stooped down to get something, or pick up something that I dropped, I even stooped down to clean the oven, the cabinet doors below the sink, and to put the pots and pans away. I never bent over. I was always told it was bad for the back, and anyway stooping is more dignified and ladylike.

My mother always tried to correct the way I did things, telling me only girls did things that way. She was born in the late 1920's, and of course was so old fashioned. By the time I was born in the late 1940's, she had finished high school, and beauty school and was a licensed cosmetologist, as well as a very good cocktail waitress at one of the famous restaurants. One day while she was working in the beauty shop, I went there to ask her for a little money to see a movie. This was Saturday, and I wanted to see Walt Disney's Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. She gave me two dollars, and told me to be home by dinner.

I left the store, and went to the Warner theater. I paid my fifty cents for my ticket, and bought a small soda and a box of jujubes. I still had a dollar left. I went in and sat down. When the movie started, I sat and listened to every word, watched every scene closely, and tried to mimic them as they were saying their lines. Everybody in the theater booed at the evil stepmother, and cheered when the prince kissed Snow White to wake her up. When the movie was over, I headed to the bus stop and went home. We lived on the city's near north side, so I had to take a second bus to my corner where we lived.

I got off the bus, and waited for the traffic light to change. When it was green, I looked all ways to make sure no cars were coming, and the ones at the red lights were stopped. I got in the house, and tried to mimic the lines and emotions of the characters in the movie. Mother came home almost right behind me. I went in the kitchen and poured myself a glass of apple juice. As mother began getting out the pans to make dinner, she looked at me and smiled.

"How was the movie, dear?"

"It was good mom. Mom, when the evil stepmother was making her plans, and then became the woman selling apples, everyone booed in the theater, and when the prince kissed Snow White to wake her up, everybody cheered."

"Well, at least you had a good time. Dear, would you get me a couple of carrots and one thing of celery?"

I opened the refrigerator, and stooped down to open the drawer, and get out the vegetables mother wanted.

"Honey, only girls stoop down like that, and you're not a girl. Boys bend over to get things."

"Mother, I know you keep saying that, but I know some men that stoop. Up north. They say it is better for your back, than bending is."

"Well, I just don't want you getting in any trouble with the boys, because they may think you're trying to act like a girl, and may hurt you. I am just looking out for you, dear."

"Yes mother, I know you are. But even in school they tell us to lift things from the floor with your knees, instead of your back, because then that helps lessen back fatigue and injuries."

"All right, but I want you to know that how you stoop, and pick things up from the side, is more a feminine thing than it is a guy's. Because when you stoop down dear, you keep your legs together. Only girls do that, that I know of."

"Mother, this is 1961, and things are a lot different than they were when you were a teenager. When you were in school, they had the great depression, and customs were different then. But today, we are a new generation that has learned to accept things as they are, and not necessarily what a man or a woman would do, or be. We even have a couple of gay kids in our class, and they are respected for being themselves. They never bother anyone, and even though there are a few kids who give them grief, they just go on like nothing bothers them. So I don't intend on having any trouble."

"Well, I was just looking out for you is all. Now, would you set the table for us, dear?"

"Yes mother."

When I was finished putting our plates, silverware, and napkins on the table, mother sat down with the cutting board, and the stew meat, and diced the beef into even smaller pieces. When she was finished, she took the cutting board over to the stove, and pushed the meat in to the small roaster. She rinsed off the cutting board, and started cutting the vegetables. She put them in the roaster with the meat. She mixed up some gravy and put that in also. By this time the oven was preheated, and she mixed up the vegetables and stew meat, and put the pan in the oven. Then she poured herself a cup of coffee, and sat down to have a cigarette. I sat at the table with my legs together, and my hands folded. Every now and then, I would brush an errant hair away from my mouth, or eyes, or I would just flip my head and my hair would go back in place.

"Honey, I am concerned by all these feminine movements you have. Like just now, brushing the hair away is definitely a feminine gesture, and the way you flip your hair back into place is too. I don't know if you noticed it or not, but you have a definite feminine swivel to your hips when you are walking. So I need to ask you this question. Are you gay?"

"No mother."

"Then why all of the feminine gestures?"

"Mother, I don't see anything feminine. I just do what I do, and every body movement, and every action just comes natural."

"Natural? Not for a boy they aren't. I am getting more concerned because you are twelve years old, and even though when you were younger it may have been cute, but it isn't cute any more. You are going to grow up to be a man, and you have to start acting like one."

"Mother, I can't say that I am doing anything feminine. Remember that when you were growing up, men were men, and women were women. But like I said too, this is 1961, and times are different. What was feminine when you were growing up, isn't necessarily feminine today. People today mother, are individuals, and we act like individuals. We are no longer living the life someone else dictates for us. We are living our unique, individual lives. When you were growing up, it was expected you act the way society dictated. But today, things you see as feminine, are out of date, and no longer matter.

"Today mother, there are men who are nurses, women who are mechanics, and everybody lives the way they want, as long as they aren't hurting anyone. See mother, this is the age of Camelot, as they call President Kennedy's administration, and we are young at heart and in body. We have no illusions of grandeur, no uptight sense of right or wrong. We live for today, because tomorrow may never come. So the things you see as feminine, we see as normal and natural."

She took a deep breath, sipped her coffee, and took a drag from her cigarette. "Well, I still say you're acting like a girl."

I just rolled my eyes to the ceiling and said, "oh mother." Then I giggled.

Yes, I was doing feminine things. The way I walked, the way I stooped, the way I held my hands, and the way I brushed or flipped my hair away from the front of my face. When I had groceries, or packages in my hands, I was careful not to walk up the stairs with my feet pointing in front of me, but always walked up the stairs kind of a little sideways. Even my voice was high for a "boy" my age. What mother didn't know, is that I was not going to correct any of my movements. If anything, they were going to get more pronounced, and more fluid. By the time I was out of high school, I would be so fluid in my movements, that I could go anywhere as a woman, and not have a problem.

This was the last week in August, and I had just come back from up north on Friday. School would start on Tuesday, the day after Labor Day. I went to my room, and hung up my clothes. I put my soiled underwear in the laundry, and folded and put away the clean ones. When I started back to the living room, I could hear mother on the phone talking my aunt. She was my mother's only living sister, my other aunt had died as an infant in a car accident. I stopped to listen what mother was saying.

"So I don't know what to do, Hazel. I have talked to him and pointed out the things I was concerned about, but he says that this generation accepts these as normal for everyone. What do I do?" There was a pause, and I couldn't hear aunt Hazel, but then mother spoke again. "All right Hazel, I'll try that. Maybe that will help him see that what he is doing is noticeably feminine." She sighed again, and hung up the phone. I came in nonchalantly, and said I was finished putting my clothes away.

"Sit down, Ronnie, we have to talk." I sat down on the couch, and she looked at me, took a deep breath, and began her lecture. "Ronnie, I was just talking to aunt Hazel, and I explained to her the things we talked about, and she said that maybe you should see a psychiatrist. He will help you get past these feminine gestures."

"He, mother? Why can't it be a lady psychiarist? There are women who are psychiatrists too, you know."

"Ronnie, I will not argue. Your aunt Hazel gave me the name of a very good child psychiatrist at county hospital. I will make an appointment, and I want you to see him. His name is Dr. Johnston. Now just go and do something. I can't call his office until Monday anyway."

"Mother, Monday is Labor Day, you'll have to call him on Tuesday." She just groaned.

I went back to my room, and took out the book Little Women by Louisa May Alcott. I laid on my bed on my tummy, and read. Mother came by and saw me, then she said."Honey, only a girl lies like that on her bed, when she is either writing, reading, or even doing homework. I should know, because that is the way I laid on my bed, when I did those things. So sit up straight like the young man you are. And what are you reading? Little Women? Don't you like stories like Hucklberry Finn, or cowboy stories?"

I flinched when she called me a young man. I couldn't figure her out though. Up north I was accepted as the girl I am, by everybody who knew me, but my own mother felt I was an embarrassment or something. I would have to talk to some of my girl friends tomorrow. They would know how I could get around this. I wasn't too keen on seeing a psychiatrist though. All they wanted to do was take your money, and give you medicine for a pretend psychosis. A friend of mine went to see a psychiatrist, and the psychiatrist said he was bipolar, whatever that is, and he has to take a lot of medicine for what the doctor said. And she even wants to tell me what I should read. I am definitely going to have to talk to Cindy and Bobbie tomorrow and see what I can do. I didn't want to give up being this sweet girl for the few months I would be here with mother. Mostly, I would stay up north and go to school there. But here, mother wanted to dictate my life.

Chapter Two - Ronnie continues to explain things.

I didn't know how long I could take any more of this. Mother always taught me never to judge others, and treat others like I wanted to be treated, but here she was judging me, and telling me I needed to see a psychiatrist. I had a lot to think about. Should I call grandma Dolly and see if I can go back up north? Should I tell her daughter Caroline, my mother's best friend, about what mother is doing? What should I do? Well, tomorrow I will talk to Cindy and Bobbie and find out how to handle this situation. We have always been there for each other, and maybe they can tell me what to do. It was getting late, so I put the book mark on the page I was reading, and closed the book.

I went in the bathroom and ran my bath water. I put in some of mother's bubble bath, and when the tub was filled, I got in and sat down slowly. Mother had a big flesh colored sponge, and I used that to squeeze the water all over me. After being in the bath, and having soaked every part of my body with the fragrant water, I washed all over, and rinsed off. I got out of the tub, and patted myself dry as my girl friends had taught me up north. I then wrapped the towel around me like they showed me, and went to my room. I had just gotten in to my pajamas when mother came in. She gave me a kiss on the forehead, and asked me if I had a handkerchief, and then said good night. After she closed the door, I got out of bed, and out of my pajamas. I took one of the nighgowns Renee had given me. It was lavender in color, and had lace around the hem and the sleeves. It came just to my knees, and I got back in bed.

When I woke up, the sun was coming in through the window. I got up, and changed back into my pajamas, and went to take my bath. Mother came by just as I was putting in her rose scented bubble bath. She looked like she was going to say something, but then just went on to her room. When she came back out, she came in the bath room, and sat on the toilet and started talking.

"Ronnie, I am worried. Only a girl takes a bubble bath, and only a girl wears a lavender nightgown to bed, especially one with lace on it. Where did you get all of those girl's clothes from?"

"I got them from my friends up north. See mother, I don't see myself as having feminine movements, because they are natural to me. I know you keep telling me that I am a boy (I flinched), but that is only on the outside. Do you remember George Jorgensen who went to Copenhagen, Denmark, and came back Christine Jorgensen? I am like she is. Mother, I know you think that I would have problems being a physical girl, but I don't. Even David says I am pretty. Mother, you taught me to accept others, and treat others like I want to be treated. But here you are, treating me like I am an embarrassment to you, or something. Why can't you accept me for who I am?"

"Ronnie, you are not going to be a female. Women in this world are treated worse than some criminals. We are second class citizens, we get paid less than a man for the same job, we are abused and cheated on by our men, and we will never amount to anything in a man's world. I cannot have my first born child be a female in any manner. I should throw those clothes out, so you have no choice but to wear your normal clothes. And if the girls up north are giving you their clothes to wear, I should forbid you to go back up there. Ronnie, you are a boy, and in today's society, boys don't wear dresses, or skirts, or bras, or panties, or nightgowns, and boys today don't take bubble baths. If you want to know the difference between boys and girls, I will show you. I will explain everything in detail and why, so you can see that you can never be a female anyway. I love you, and I don't want to see you get hurt."

"So in other words, you want me to live your life, the way you dictate it, and you don't care how many of my toes you have to step on to get me to listen. Mother, if you throw my dresses, skirts, under things, and nightgowns away, and forbid me to go back up north, I will run away. I have enough know how to make it on my own. The only thing I will miss is school. If you can't accept me for me, then I am ashamed to call you my mother. Besides, it isn't that I can't be female, it's just that you want a phsyical son that you can brag about." For that remark, she slapped my face. I ran to my room crying.

Mother came up to my room, and sat on my bed. "I'm sorry, dear, but you can't be a female. It just isn't possible."

"That shows how much you know. If Christine Jorgensen can be female after surgery, so can I. You just don't," I sniffled a little, "love me. If you really loved me, you would make sure that I was happy, and not happy the way you dictate, but by being the physical girl I am inside."

"And that's another thing too. You can never have children because you don't have the proper parts, and you can never have a monthly cycle. Ronnie, I am only trying to let you down easy, because being a woman isn't easy."

"Mother, did you hear what you just said? You have a high school diploma, and a certificate of cosmetology, and you are good at what you do. But I happen to know that there are women that are born barren. They can't have children and they can't have a monthly cycle. But that doesn't make them any less of a woman. No mother, your argument doesn't make it. You just want me to stay a boy so you can brag to people that you have a son. Mother I can't be that son, you so badly want. If you can't bring yourself to let me be who I truly am, then I have to leave. I can't live here like this and be sad. If you really love me, and you really want me to be happy, then you would accept me for who I truly am, and let me be this girl screaming inside of me to be seen, and loved, and nurtured. Why can't you see that?"

"Well, I see this isn't getting us anywhere. Get your school clothes ready for Tuesday, and I will make an appointment for you with Dr. Johnston at county hospital. You need help, Ronnie, and I will not throw those female clothes out, but I want you to promise me that you will only wear them in the house. I just don't want you to get hurt."

"Mother, please go downstairs and have a cup of coffee, and a cigarette. I will be down in about an hour."

She left, and I got up and went to my closet. I took out my cream colored dress, a full slip, and picked up a pair of pumps with two inch heels. I went to my dresser, and took out a pair of lavender panties, a lavender bra with lace around the cups, and a pair of stockings. I went in the other drawer and took out my garter belt.

I laid everthing on the bed, except for the shoes, and went to take a quick shower. I used mother's perfumed soap, and I was finished in about ten minutes. I patted myself dry, and wrapped the towel around me like a girl would. I went back in my bedroom, and I took out the cosmetics I was given. Mother hadn't found these. I put on the bra, panties, and full slip, and sat down at the table in my room, and took out a small round mirror I could use to apply makeup. I put on black eyeliner, blue/pink eye shadow, and black mascara. Then I put on a light tan foundation, and then I brushed a light dusting of powder over that. I stepped into the dress, and zipped it half way up, and took a hanger and zipped it up the rest of the way. I applied a light pink lipstick, and blotted it and then put a little more on, and blotted that. I sat down on my bed and rolled one stocking up one leg and did the other leg with the other stocking. I stepped in to the pumps. and looked at myself in the bathroom, full length mirror. Everything was straight, so I went downstairs to show mother what her oldest daughter looked like.

I must have been quieter than I thought, or she was so wrapped up in thinking about me, she didn't hear me come in. I walked past her, and stood where she could see me. I put my thumb and forefingers on each side of the dress, and did a twirl for my mother.

"Mother, my name is Susan Marie, and I am your oldest daughter." her mouth just opened so far, I was afraid she would attract every bug there was. "Mother, close your mouth, you are not a Venus flytrap."

She stood up uneasily, and tottered for a bit, until she got her bearings, and then came over to me, and did a walk around, looking at me from all angles and sides. She had her hand on her mouth, as if in deep thought.

"Ronnie...I mean, Susan Marie, how did you get everything so perfect?"

"Mother, I am a girl, whether you want to admit that or not, and when I go to see Dr. Johnston, I am wearing one of my female outfits. What you see now, is who I truly am. Now do you think you can accept me as I am?"

"You still have to go to school as a boy though. They won't let you dress this way there."

"Oh you are so right, mother. The old archaic rules of girls are girls and boys are boys. Just what does that mean, anyway? Does anybody actually know the answer?"

"I want you to make sure you don't go outside dressed like this. I don't even like you doing it in the house, but if you must, you must. I will wait until I talk with Dr. Johnston. But for right now, you can dress like this in the house, but not outside."

I stayed in my outfit for the rest of the evening. Mother usually sat next to me when we watched Ed Sullivan, but tonight she sat on the other end of the couch. I was very hurt by this. If my mother loved me so much, why can't she accept me as I am? This was all very confusing. My mother wanted me to behave a certain way towards others, but when it came right down to it, she couldn't or didn't want to, practice what she preached. I also wondered if she would go with me to watch the Labor Day parade, downtown. Well that was tomorrow. The day after tomorrow, was the first day of school.

Mother said she didn't want me dressed like this when I went out. I wonder what she would say to tight jeans, a v-neck, western shirt, and my sandals? It was something to think about. A lot of girls are dressing androgynously these days. All my girl friends have at least three or four androgynous outifts. I will try it with a little mascara, and face makeup. That is an idea. After Ed Sullivan was over, I tried to give mother a hug and kiss good night, but she pulled away from me. That even hurt worse than her not sitting by me. I said good night, but she didn't say anything. I told her I still loved her, but she just went in the kitchen, and started crying.

I went in my room, and got out my lavender nightgown, and a pair of panties. I went in the bathroom, and ran my bubble bath. As I went back in my room, I could hear her through her sobs, asking why, why. I got out of my dress, and hung it up, I washed my stockings and panties though, in the bathroom sink. The tub by this time was filled, so I turned off the water, and sat down slowly. I sponged water all over me, and when I was thoroughly drenched, I washed all over. I didn't hear mother come up, but I heard her bedroom door close. When I finished with my bath, I rinsed off, and patted myself dry. I put on my panties and nightgown, and decided to see if she would talk to me.

I knocked on her door, and she didn't say anything. "Mother, let me come in so we can talk." Still nothing. She was still crying, so I went to my room, and got in bed. I wasn't going to feel guilty about her crying over this, because she was the one who told me to accept others, and not judge who, or what they are. The only thing I was sorry for, was that she didn't practice what she preached. It didn't make any sense. I turned off my lamp, and laid down, and went to sleep.

Chapter Three - Ronnie goes to the parade.

When morning came, I got up, and went in the bathroom to run my bath water. I looked for the bubble bath but it was nowhere to be found, even mother's perfumed soap was gone. So, she wants me to be a man. What kind of a man? Well, anyway I had a bar of perfumed soap I had brought with me, but I didn't use it all that much except for special occasions. I went back to my room to get it out of my suitcase. I took the wrapper off of it, and took it in the bathroom with me. I sat down in the tub, and washed all over. Since I couldn't have a bubble bath, I decided I was going to smell pretty anyway. Don't look at me like that, she started it.

When I was finished rinsing off, I patted down, and then wrapped the towel around me female fashion. I went in my room, and got dressed. I opened my top dresser drawer, and took out my rose colored panties, cami, and from the other top drawer I took out a pair of stockings. I opened the third drawer and took out a pair of my jeans that had a rose on the left back pocket, and embroidered roses from the knees down to the hem of each leg. I took out a very nice embroidered v-neck western shirt, and went to my closet to get my sandals.

I put on my panties, and sat down to put my makeup on. I put on my black mascara, and then a light foundation, and powdered that over lightly. I finished getting dressed, and went to the kitchen. Mother was not there this time, well, not yet anyway. I took out the bacon, eggs, and put one slice of bread in the toaster. I put two strips of bacon in the frying pan, and used another to make my eggs. When the bacon was almost done, I popped the toast down. I was eating my breakfast when mother came in the kitchen. Now my mother is only thirty two years old, but today she look twice that. She went over to the coffee pot and poured herself a cup of coffee, and sat down and took out a cigarette and lit it.

"Ronnie," she said matter of factly. "You are not leaving this house dressed like that. Those are obviously girl's jeans, and that is obviously a girls pullover v-neck shirt." She looked under the table, and saw my sandals. "And your sandals have a higher heel and are obviously girl's sandals. Now, if you want to go the parade with your aunt, uncle, cousins, and me, you had better put something on that says you're a boy." Just then the doorbell rang.

I got up to answer it, but mother pushed me aside, and ran to the door and opened it. Aunt Hazel and her family were here. Mother looked back at me, and with her head, motioned me to disappear. Aunt Hazel stood there for a few seconds before she said anything.

"Well sis, are you going to let me in?"

"Oh, uhm, yes, uhm please come in."

"Where is Ronnie, Marge?"

"Uhm he's uhm, kind of getting ready."

"I'm ready mother," and I went in the living room. Aunt Hazel took a look at me, and like my mother put a finger to her mouth, and looked at me from all sides. My uncle Martin didn't say anything, and my cousins were silent too.

"I was just telling Ronnie to go change into some boy clothes."

"Sis, there is nothing wrong with these clothes. They are androgynous looking, and a lot of young guys are wearing embroidered things now. I think he looks all right to go to the parade, and we are going out to eat after. So there is really nothing wrong with what he has on."

Mother's mouth just opened, and her eyes got really wide. "But Hazel, these are obviously girl's clothing. The zipper on the jeans even closes to the left."

"Yes I see that. But nobody will notice in that huge crowd. Besides they are there to see a parade not someone else's clothes."

"Well then look at this." She showed aunt Hazel where it said Levi Women's Wear on the back right pocket. "Now don't tell me nobody is going to notice that."

"No sis, they won't. It is small enough to actually be ignored even in the supermarket. Marge, listen, Ronnie is just going through a stage." Why do they always say that? "He will grow out of it."

All this time, my cousins were giving me the thumbs up, and my uncle Martin who is never at a loss for words, was eerily silent. Aunt Hazel told everybody we should be going, because parking is going to be a problem. We all left the house, and got into aunt Hazel's car, and we went downtown. We were lucky to find a parking place near Gimbel's. After parking the car, we all headed the 2 blocks to where the parade would be. As we got to our spot that we picked, Cindy saw me and came over by us. She looked at my mother.

"Excuse me, but can Ronnie come over and watch the parade with us? We're right over there." She waved to her mother, and she waved back.

"Sis, let him go with his friends. We can keep an eye on him from here."

"Well, I am against it, but I guess it would be all right. I want you to know young man, we are watching you."

I left with Cindy, and when we were away from mother, I let out a big sigh. "Thank you for rescuing me, Cindy. Mother has gotten really mad at me lately. She found the clothes you and Bobbie, and the other girls up north gave me, and she went ballistic. She even wanted me to change out of these clothes."

Cynthia Marks was my height, with long, easily flowing, blonde hair. She had wide blue eyes, and her skin was flawless. She looked at my clothes, and had only one thing to say.

"You should have worn a bra. That would have really set her off. Does she know that you are really a girl inside?"

"I have been trying to tell her, but she says I can never be female because I can't have kids, and I can't have a monthly. She even told me that women are second class citizens, and get paid less than men do for the same job, and that women are abused by their men, and women will never amount to anything in a man's world."

"Does she believe all that? My mom has been married to my dad for 16 years, and he has never once abused her. He treats her as an equal in our house, asking for advice on this or that. Why does your mother think all that grabage is true?"

"I don't know. Even my aunt Hazel said there is nothing wrong with these clothes."

"Ronnie, you would even look and sound like a girl, even if you were dressed in guy clothes. You are that feminine looking, which is a good thing. Listen, I have an idea."

She told me her idea, and we went over by her mother, and we greeted each other, and then we just talked about the things mother had said. Cindy's mother was the same age as my mother, but she had a very accepting, and open mind.

"Ronnie, you go and see this psychiatrist. But you be a lady at all times. Keep your knees together when you are sitting, and always smooth your dress or skirt behind you, as you sit down. Keep your back straight, and keep your hands folded in your lap. Let me know exactly what you talk about, because then I can give you some pointers to take with you the next time."

"All right, Mrs. Marks, and thank you." She said I was welcome, and then we heard the sirens that said the parade was starting. While we waited for the first of the parade to pass us by, some clowns came by. One of them even blew up a ballon, in the shape of a poodle, and handed it to me.

"Here you go, young lady. Don't forget to take her for a walk now." I giggled, because he was so funny. But the balloon I knew, wouldn't hold air after a couple of days, but I treasured it. Then the police band came by, and we all clapped, followed by the first high school band. We clapped. There were acrobats too, and I was just awed by their timing. Then, we saw a guy dressed in a gorilla suit, acting like an ape. We laughed and giggled, and when he came by us, he moved his head from side to side, and then put a "paw?" to his mouth, and started jumping up and down, and making the noises a gorilla would make. We laughed, and giggled, and laughed some more. Then he went down the line a ways. This was the most fun I have ever had at a Labor Day parade. One of the boy scout troops came by, and we clapped, and the local girl scouts were right behind them. We clapped some more, and then another high school band from our state capitol came by. They were playing a selection of Bach, and it was very beautiful, listening to them play. I had lost myself in the music, and Cindy brought me out of it, by saying she had tried to talk to me for the last four minutes.

"I'm sorry, Cindy, but I was just getting into the music. It was beautifully played." Cindy's mother agreed. As the middle of the parade started to pass us, Bobbie and her mother came over, and stood by us. Cindy filled her in on what my mother was doing. Bobbie Granger was my age, and had long, light brown hair, and wide blue eyes. Her mother was thrity four years old, two years older than my mother.

"Ronnie, just be you. I'm sorry your mother doesn't understand, or refuses to understand, but you know we are your friends, and if you ever need anyone to talk to, just come by us, or even our mothers if we're not home. We have all accepted you for who you are, and if anybody had the vision to see, they would see you can never be a boy, or even a man. You are too much a girl, to be anything else. Even my dad said you were very ladylike, without even trying. That means you are a girl, because everything comes so naturally to you. Even those creeps that tried to give you a hard time, were suddenly respectful too. So you see, Ronnie, that your mother is wrong. Look, my birth control pills make me sick, and my mother wants to throw them out. I can give them to you, and you could take them, because there is estrogen in them. You would have to take a lot, like for a long time, before anything could be noticed, but you can have them."

"Thank you, Bobbie, but my mother would find them and throw them out."

"Then you can keep them at my house, and I will bring a thing of them with me. You can take them on the way to school, at lunch, and on the way home. I have a whole box full, and I keep getting them. So, tell you what, we will make it so that in a couple of years, two or three at the most, you take these pills, and you will see that you are starting to develop like a girl should."

"Thank you, Bobbie, that is very nice of you. I was wondering what I could do though to show mother in the meantime, how much of a girl I really am."

"Tell you what, girlfriend, you let us think on that. I'm sure that between us, and our mothers, we can come up with something."

The parade was finally over, and we all hugged, and said our see ya's, and I went back by mother and aunt Hazel. "We saw you were doing a lot of talking over there. What were you all talking about?"

"Something you wouldn't understand mother. It's called girl talk, you know about monthly visitors, and having kids, and just gossiping about this or that." I could see her steaming, but my mother is one for appearances, so she would wait until we got home. My cousins just giggled and laughed, and my aunt Hazel smiled.

Chapter Four - Ronnie has an ally.

We all got into aunt Hazel's car, and we went to IHOP. IHOP did more than just serve pancake breakfasts, they served lunch as well and even dinners. Most of them were open twenty four hours. When we walked in, the hostess asked how many, and aunt Hazel said eight. They pushed two tables together, and I sat next to my cousins, while the adults sat opposite of us. When the waitress asked if we were ready to order, we all said we would have whatever the special was. The special today was, two pancakes, two strips of bacon, two eggs, and toast. We also ordered orange juice and milk for my couisins and I, and the adults ordered coffee.

We sat there talking about the parade, and what we liked about it. I told them that when the band from the capitol had played that music from Bach, I had just lost myself in the music, and didn't hear what Cindy was saying. I even told them about how funny the guy in the gorilla suit was, and what he said. Mother just rolled her eyes to the ceiling. When we were through, mother didn't light up a cigarette, because my aunt Hazel and uncle Martin didn't smoke.

My aunt Hazel was a very good lady, and God fearing. But she wasn't a Bible thumper, and didn't preach to others that what they were doing was wrong. She was a little older than my mother by about two years, and my mother's only living sister. Aunta Hazel always had a beaming smile, and was always willing to help if she could. My uncle Martin was a land developer and building contractor, and always had business. Sometimes he had business so much he had to refuse a few orders.

We went back to aunt Hazel's car, and after we were all in, she drove us back home. When we got in the house, mother right away had to be so condescending. I started to go to my room, but she stopped me.

"Just a minute, young lady. Where do you think you are going? Sit down, we are going to have this out once and for all. I want to know exactly what you and your friends were talking about. Don't give me that girl talk business either."

"Well, if you must know, I told them what you said about a woman's place in this world."

"What did you say, Marge?" Aunt Hazel asked inquringly.

"Well, I was telling Ronnie that he could never be a female because..." She explained everything to aunt Hazel, and even aunt Hazel looked at mother with an incredulous, wide eyed look. "And, that he could never be female anyway, because it is just not possible."

"All right sis, but women have come a long way in the last few years. Even though I don't think Ronnie should be acting like a girl either, I do know that letting him dress like one now, will get it out of his system. Then he won't want to ever do it again, because he has tried it, and found it just wasn't for him."

"Why does everybody think I will outgrow being the girl I am? I don't understand all of you. You tell me to treat others the way I want to be treated, and then you go and treat me just the opposite. I know from my catechism, that whatever measure you give on earth, you will receive three times as much in heaven. So, if you think this is just a stage, then why have I been like this, since I can remember? Why does everybody want me to be someone I can never be?"

"Well, you are young yet. You don't know the things adults do, or the pleasures we get from certain things. When you are our age, you will see that this was just a passing phase."

"No aunt Hazel. I mean, you have been good to me and mother, but I just have to be who I am. It doesn't matter what kind of a body I have, it is who I am in my soul that makes me the girl I am."

"But Ronnie, God put you in the body of a boy for a reason. You should be grateful for that."

"No aunt Hazel, God may have made my soul, but He did not make this body. I have been studying these things on my own at the library, and I read about genes, chromosomes, hormones, and the effect all of this has on a person's life. It is the father's genes that say what the body type is going to be, and it is the hormones that while we are in the womb, tells us who we are and who we are going to be. We can't change this, whether you may think it is a stage or not, it cannot be changed, because if it is, then we lead a very unhappy life. How many here want me to be unhappy? I am twelve years old. I have been dressing and being a girl ever since I can remember, and everytime I have to wear stiff, itchy boy clothes to school, my skin itches something terrible. I don't understand why everyone is against who I am."

"How long have you been dressing as a girl?"

"Since I was old enough to know the difference bewteen girls and boys. Like around seven years old."

"You knew the difference between girls and boys at seven? That is remarkable. Who taught you all of that?"

"My girl friends up north and here. Mother wasn't interested in teaching me, so I asked my girlfirends a lot of questions, and they answered them. That's when I got my first library card, and started reading books on human anatomy and reproduction. I found out a lot. So I figured that since I can't have children, and I can't menstruate, I was born barren. That doesn't make me any less of a girl because I have a different package. Aunt Hazel. I know that this body is male, but that is where anything of a "boy" ends. I am female in my soul, and if you knew your Bible the way you say, then you know the soul is not necessarily the same as the body sometimes."

"Well maybe, but you have to admit that you haven't been dressing as a girl, and you haven't shown any interest in boys."

"Aunt Hazel, I have been dressing as a girl, and with my girl friends. Everybody but this family knows and accepts me for who I am. Remember Aunt Hazel, do unto others, as you may have them do unto you. Mom you taught me that, and yet here you are not practicing what you preach. Why?"

"Well, I'm not going to throw out your female clothes, and I will allow you to go up north. But I..." I looked at her with a frown. "I...oh I don't know. I will wait for Dr. Johnston to tell me what I should do."

"Mom, while Aunt Hazel is here, I am telling you now, that I will see Dr. Johnston, dressed as the girl I am. I think he is going to want to see that anyway. But I will not stand for any lectures from him, and I will not stand for any thing that he says, that may be against me being the girl I am."

"Well I guess that would be all right, but as soon as you get home young lady, you are changing into your normal clothes."

"Mom, did you just hear yourself? You said young lady."

"I...see you've got me twisting my words now. What do you want of me?"

"Just the love of a mother to her oldest daughter, me."

"Marge, we have get going. But I want your promise that you won't do anything physical to her," she said pointing to me. "I have been watching her, and no boy can be that feminine just going through a phase. There is always a slip up here or there unconsciously. Ronnie hasn't slipped up once. And I have noticed something else too, her voice is high like a girl's."

"Well his voice hasn't started changing yet."

"Oh yes, it certainly has, that is the voice of a teenage girl, and it will get a little higher too. Maybe Ronnie is right. We know that we have a soul, but it doesn't say that a male has to have a man's soul, and it doesn't say that a female has to be a woman's soul. Most of us have souls that match our bodies, but I have read where there are some whose souls are in direct conflict with their bodies. When this happens sis, the soul takes refuge in the dominant gender. In Ronnie's case, that gender is female."

"Hazel, you are not a psychiatrist, and until I am told this by Dr. Johnston, Ronnie is still my son, and will dress like my son."

"Well, you do what you want. But I am telling you that this is not the way to handle this. You listen to this psychiatrist, but if he is against Ronnie being who she is, he isn't much of a psychiatrist. We have to leave, sis." She gave mother a hug, and they were gone.

"Good night mother. Sweet dreams, because I know I am going to."

Part Two

Chapter Five - The first day of school

Mother came in my room and woke me up. She said my bath was ready, and I need to get going. I got up, and went in the bathroom. I looked for mother's bubble bath, but it wasn't there. But the bathroom smelled like roses. I took off my nightgown, and got in the tub. I used mother's flesh sponge and squeezed water all over myself. It was still warm out being the day after Labor Day, so I thought that nylons would be okay for today. I am in the seventh grade this year, and we get our schedules today. I washed myself thoroughly, and got out of the tub. I threw my robe on, and went back to my room, and got dressed. I put on a pair of lavender panties, and a cami, as well my lavender bra. I took out a pair of nylons, and a garter belt, and put those on, being careful that before I hooked the nylons to the garters, I put the garters through the legs of my panties, so it was easier to use the restroom. I put on my jeans with a rose on the left back pocket, and zipped to the left. I I then got out a white blouse that was white gauze, but you could see the cami and bra through it, front or back.

Mom was not going to go for this, if she took a real good look at my clothes. She did, and she didn't agree, but what she said was if I got in any trouble with the boys, it was my own doing for not listening to her. I told her that in six years I was going to be 18, and what was she going to do, run my life forever? She just said as long as I am under age, I am supposed to listen to her, and not bring trouble on myself.

"Mother, listen to me, for a minute. You said you didn't want me going out dressed like a girl. What I am wearing now is androgynous, and isn't male or female. Their just clothes."

"That is a girl's blouse, and I can see the cami and bra straps you are wearing right through it. I bet you're even wearing panties too. So, you go to school, and when you get beat up, don't come running to me, because I have tried, and tried, to make sure you know that what you're doing will not be acceptable in this society. Especially when boys see you dressed like this. I even suspect you are going to wear a skirt or a dress tomorrow. Well, I will keep my word, I won't throw them out. But I want not one word of complaint from you, if the boys decide to beat you up for being a sissy. I..."

"Mother, first of all I am no sissy, and it is true I can't fight like a boy does, but I do know how to kick, and in the right place if I have to. Mother, the age of boys are boys and girls are girls, is over. We are individuals, living individual lives. You want me to live your life, your way. I am not you, and I cannot live your life. No matter what happens today, I will still be me. I am not going to let anybody destroy who I am."

"Well, I tried. But just so you know, I am telling Dr. Johnston about this when we go and see him."

"Whatever mother," I said rolling my eyes to the ceiling.

I finished my breakfast, and went out to where I was supposed to wait for the school bus. It finally came about twenty minutes later. When I got on, there was only one seat open, next to one of the boys.

"You look pretty in those clothes, Ronnie. Don't worry about a thing, because I will be there if you need my help."

"Thank you," was all I said.

The girl sitting across the aisle from me, said she liked my outfit, and it made me look pretty, even if they were jeans and a shirt. I said thank you, and we talked the rest of the way to school. When the bus got to the school, we all went in to where we were supposed to be for homeroom. I went in and took a seat, and the attendance was taking by our teachers walking down the aisles, and since they knew our names from last semester, they just crossed them off as they went by.

When all the attendance was taken, the homeroom teacher told us to remember where we were sitting, because from now on these were our assigned seats. We sat there and listened to the school announcements, and that there were tryouts for the boys and the girls gymnastic squads. I felt a tap on my right shoulder, and when I looked behind me, Bobbie was sitting there. She said I should try out for the girls squad. I just looked at her, and asked if that would be allowed. The bell rang, and that meant we had to go to our first class. We all went to our first classes, and picked a seat. Cindy and Bobbie were in my first hour class, so I knew I had nothing to worry about.

The boy on the bus was David, and he was in my first hour class too. Between the four of us, I am sure there was something we could come up with, to make mother really go ballistic. Not that I wanted her to, but she keeps dictating to me what I can and cannot wear, and who I should be. So, alls fair. Our first hour class was geography. I loved geography, because I wanted to learn where the different countries of our planet were.

The teacher was telling us about how we were going to go on a trip without leaving the classroom. I knew that all I needed was my imagination, and I could be where we were studying about. The teacher, Mr. Fook (ever notice how teachers have odd names?), passed out our books, and then told us to make sure we wrote our names inside the front cover. When I opened the book, I saw this one had been used by eight people so far, I was the ninth.

The second and third classes the teachers said nothing, just took attendance, and handed out the books. Then said we could go to lunch until the bell for fifth hour rang. Cindy, Bobbie, and I waited for everyone to go out first, and then we went to the cafeteria. There was already a line, so finding a seat for all three of us wasn't going to be easy. As we paid for our food, we started looking around for a seat, and David said over here, and we went to sit by him. David was my age, had sandy brown hair, and blue eyes. He had a lot of muscles for being twelve years old. He was also a head taller than I was.

We sat down by David, and we were talking, mostly about nothing, because the girls and I were talking girl talk, about outfits, and what bra to wear with them, and it was important to have the right panties too. Poor David seemed lost, as most males would be. All the boys who thought they were God's gift, would just say they'd like to see those panties, or get into them. I wonder if they'd fit. But David didn't say anything. We were through eating, and while we waited for the bell to ring, I looked at my schedule. I had PE in room 114. I told Cindy and Bobby where my PE class was, and Cindy said that was the girls gym.

Now this is going to get interesting. I didn't have the right physical equipment to be in a gym with partially naked, or completley naked girls, not that I would stare at them, but they might be offended if they saw my physical body without any clothes. I said that to everyone at the table, and Bobbie said I wasn't to worry about that. Because I was more agile than most of the ones with my physical sex, I would make it in the girls gym. Cindy said that Miss McConnell was already told by them and a few of the other girls, that I was a girl, and that even though I had a male body, it was just a birth defect. But what about the other girls? See when my mother registered me for school, all she put down for my first name was Ronnie. So, all I did was give a very big, audible sigh, and said, "Well girls, let's go. It can only get worse from here."

We put our trays away, and headed for the girls gym. When we all went in to the locker room, the other girls paid me no attention. We didn't have our gym clothes yet, but we were supposed to either already have them, or have them by the next gym period. I asked Cindy where I was going to get a girl's gym set from, and she said it was already taken care of. I said how, because my mother would never buy me a set of girls gym clothes, let alone let me take girls PE. Cindy said her mother is shopping while we are in school, and she is picking me up one. Miss McConnell came in just then, and took attendance. She called us by our first names, followed by our last name's initial. Then she said she wanted us in the gym. We all went in the gym, and she had us sit on the bleachers that had been pulled out.

We all sat down, and then she stood in front of us, and started telling us what she expected us to do this semester in gym. She said we were going to use the uneven paralell bars, and play basketball just between us in the class. She said we also needed to do running, and while the boys would be on the track, we would do our running in the gym. She said that for us who didn't have gym clothes, we were required to have them by the next class that was on Thursday. So Tuesdays and Thursdays we have gym. I just wonder how they will react when they see me changing into my gym clothes on Thursday. If the worst came, all they would do is put me in the boys gym on Monday, Wednesdays, and Fridays. We were lucky at having gym only two days a week. I wonder what mother will say, or do, when she finds out I am in girls gym. Oh well, I just thought that for now, I am a girl by some error of the school's office. But I might as well get used to it, because if Cindy and Bobbie, and a few others had anything to say about it, I would be here until I went to high school.

The bell rang, and we went to our sixth hour class. This was going to be interesting, because it was pre-algebra. Even in junior high school, they started pre-algebra in the seventh grade, because they wanted us to know it by the time we got to high school, or so the teacher said, His name was Mr. Frye, and he was bald in the middle of his head, with grey hair all around it. That always seemed weird to me. I am twelve years old, and I have a gread head of hair, but I guess I get that from my mother. Mr. Frye passed out the books, and gave us our first homework assignment. The boys just grumbled, and I saw Mr. Frye smile. He told us since we weren't doing any classwork today, we could go to our seventh hour class. This was study hall, and we really didn't have any work to do, except pre-algebra. But since the study hall teacher, Mr. Grimes, wasn't expecting us to have any work, he let us talk with each other. Mr. Grimes looked younger than the other male teachers. I raised my hand, and he called on me.

Mr. Grimes, are you a new teacher? I mean, I ask because you look so young." All the girls were now talking about the handsome teacher in sixth hour study hall.

"What is your name, young lady?"

"Ronnie."

"Is that short for Veronica?"

"No sir, that is what my mother named me when I was born. It is just Ronnie."

"Okay then, yes, I am a new teacher. I graduated from college just two years ago, and spent one year as a teacher's aide, to get the program, as they like to call it, down pat.

"Well Mr. Grimes, you had better watch out, or one of us will snap you up." The girls giggled.

"I think my wife would have something to say about that, You'd have to fight with her to get me."

"Mr. Grimes, I know you're married, I can see the ring. I was just teasing you."

"I know you were, Ronnie. Anyway class, just talk with each other for today, but starting tomorrow I want you to realize that this is study hall, and you will be required to do school work. No talking, unless you raise your hand and you are called on. Is that understood?"

The whole class said yes Mr. Grimes, and we just sat there talking until the bell for seventh hour rang. But while we were in study hall, Cyndi and Bobbie told me that I had nothing to worry about in the girls gym, because the word had already been spread. But Cindy did say a few of the girls were going to try and see if I would get excited like a guy would, when he is around naked girls. I just said well they can try, but it won't do any good. I mean, Cindy and Bobbie and the rest of my girl friends have let me dress in front of them from the very first time. So I was used to it. The bell ending seventh hour rang, and we got up and left the study hall.

When we got outside of the school, I asked Cindy and Bobbie what was I going to say when my mother wanted to see my schedule, and she certainly would, and saw I had gym class. She would want to buy me a guy's gym set. Bobbie said don't worry. Let her throw her money away, because my girl's gym set was already being bought by Cindy's mother. I asked what was I going to do, when she asked me where my gym clothes were so she could wash them. Cindy said we could take care of that. I was to give Cindy my gym clothes and she would keep them at her house. What mother didn't know, is that I was being helped by my friends and their mothers. I have to be the luckiest girl in the whole wide world, because even my girl friends fathers were saying I was a girl, because that is how I behave. Notice I didn't say acted. This was going to be an interesting ride.

Chapter Six - At home after school let out

Cindy and Bobbie, and even David said to call them if my mother gave me any grief over my schedule, and gym clothes. The bus ride home was a nervous one, because if I told mom I was in girls gym, she would have me removed immediately. If I told her I needed this type of shorts, and this type of top, she would know that they were girl's gym clothes. The colors were the school colors, but the material and cut were different between the boys and girls. David gave me his phone number, and told me to call him even if I didn't have a problem with mom. Well, what can I say? So, okay, The bus stopped at my house first, because I was the last one on in the morning, and the first one off after school. I stood on our porch, and collected my thoughts before going in and facing mother. Well, here goes nothing, I said to myself. I opened the door, and went in.

"Is that you Ronnie?"

"Yes, mother."

"Did you get any black eyes?"

"No, mother."

"Don't tell me the boys actually didn't say anything to you."

"Oh yes, mother, they said things to me, like it was about time I was behaving like a real girl, instead of a tomboy."

"Oh get serious, Ronnie. They didn't say anything like that."

"Oh yes, mother, they certainly did. Mother, you are the only one that doesn't see the picture in front of you. Everybody else does. I don't know why you are so dead set against me, being the girl that I am deep in my soul. You really have a problem with this, and it is getting really old. I found out too, that if I want to, I can even change my name in the children's court. Of course you would have to be there to give your consent or not. But if you tell the judge I can't have my name changed because I am physically a male, that argument is not going to set well, after my friends tell what they know."

"And just what do your friends seem to know?"

"That while I have a male body, I am a girl inside of my soul, and I can never be that boy you so badly want me to be. Mother, at a children's court name change petition I was told, I can have character witnesses to say why I should have my name changed. The judge can change my name over your objections."

"No he can't."

"Oh! Yes he can."

"Who told you that?"

"Cindy's father, he's a lawyer."

"So he's the one that has been filling your head full of this nonsense."

"No mother, he isn't."

"Well somebody is. You can't be coming up with this on your own. Are those girls you hang around with telling you to do this?"

"No mother. For the last time, I want you to know this is who I have been all of my life. Tell me mother, didn't you think it was strange that I was never interested in boy things. I mean, like cars, and guns, and trains? Didn't you think it was strange I had girls for friends and never brought boy friends to the house? Didn't you think about all of that?"

"You will grow out of it. It is only a phase that you are going through."

"Oh really! Well I am going to check on that. I think I am going to have to go the library, and read up on phases."

"Ronnie, you cannot tell me that you are not a boy. I have changed you hundreds of times, and buy your clothes. I know you're a boy."

"Mother, it doesn't matter what body we have, it is who we are inside that counts. Why are you being so unreasonable about this?"

"I am not being unreasonable Ronnie. By the way, I made an appointment for you with Dr. Johnston. You see him at four o'clock on Friday. Today is only Tuesday. Now, while I can't stop you from acting like a girl in the house, I am going to make sure you understand that what you are doing is not what a boy your age does. Or any boy for that matter."

"All right mother, I'll see this doctor, and you made the appointment for four o'clock. That is really convenient for you, so I don't have time to change. Are you picking me up from school then, on Friday?"

"Yes I am, and we are going to go together, because I was told he will want to talk to me first."

I needed to find out from Cindy and Bobbie what I could do to be able to change into a feminine outfit before going to see this doctor. We didn't have a car, so we had to the take the route ten out to county hospital. The bus ride lasts about fourteen or fifteen minutes, and school let out at three thirty. I had to figure something out. I was going to see this doctor as my female self, whether mother liked it or not. So I just felt that maybe watching a little television would take my mind off of this, but it didn't. I went up to my room, and mother was still resisting my hugs. I had a different phone in my room than the one we had downstairs, so I went to call Cindy and tell her what mother was up to.

"Ronnie, I think your mother understands, but is being selfish because she just wants to brag about having a son. Listen now. I will call the others and see what we can come up with. You can change in the girls lavatory after school lets out on Friday. It won't take long to get you dressed, since you already know how, but we will help so it doesn't take too long. When your mother picks you up from school, you know she is going to go ballisitic."

"I know, Cindy, but I have to be me when I see this doctor, or he will think I'm not serious. I need him to know I am very serious about being the girl physically that I am inside. Mother has me so wound up lately, I don't understand why she doesn't want me to be happy."

"Because like I said Ronnie, she is being selfish. All she wants you to be is her son, so she can brag about you. I have one brother, and even my father tells him, 'that's my little man'. My father think that being a boy is where it is at. I mean he treats me and mother all right though, but it is really boring listening to him say that to my brother. Of course he always tells me too, 'that's my girl', when I have done something good, or bring home a good report card. But parents just brag about their sons more than they do daughters. So leave it up to me and the other girls, I have a plan that will send her reeling."

"All right, Cindy. Talk to you tomorrow then."

"Talk to you tomorrow, girlfriend."

Chapter Seven - A plan is formed

Mother woke me up, to get my bath and get dressed. I got up, and went in the bath room. I took off my nightgown, stepped out of my slippers, and sat gently into the bath water. Mother had again made it a bubble bath, and I couldn't understand why. If she doesn't want me to be a girl, then why is she putting bubble bath in my bath water? Oh well, I am going to enjoy this as much as I can.

Today is Wednesday, so I will wear my Jeans that have embroidered flowers all around both legs. They are
Fuschia in color, and actually zip up the side. I took out a white mitered top, and got out my fuschia panties and bra. The bra I will put in my coat pocket, and change into it at school. I got out my nylons and garter belt, and rolled them up my legs. I stepped in to the garter belt, and pulled it up to just above the panties waistband. I put the garters through the legs of my panties, and attached them to the stockings. I stepped into a pair of pumps that has a one inch heel. I put on some mascara, face powder, and put my lipstick in my other coat pocket. The temperature was a little cool today, and my "coat" was actually a light, pink windbreaker.

I went down to have my breakfast, and only had a slice of toast, orange juice, and a glass of milk. Mother looked at me like she had daggers in her eyes. I ate my toast slowly, and sipped my juice. When I was finished, I drank my milk, and put on my windbreaker. I grabbed my books, and clutching them to my chest, I headed for the bus stop. The other kids at the stop never paid me any attention, except to say hi and talk about things like boys, and clothes. These were all girls, and because I looked so much like a girl, they thought I was one, and said it was nice to have and all girl bus stop. There were no boys to annoy us.

When the bus came, we got on, and David motioned me to sit by him. I sat down and he complimented me on my clothes. He said that Cindy had talked to him at their stop, so he knew what was going on. He did say I was a pretty girl though. When the bus got to the school, we all got out and went into the school. We went right to our lockers, and put what books needed to be put away, and take what books we needed for our morning classes. I had only one book that I had homework for, and that was an afternoon class, so it went in to the locker.

After getting my books, I went to my homeroom. I sat down, and Bobbie said we were going to talk about forming a plan at lunch time. Our teacher came by marking off our names, and we waited for another fifteen minutes, and the bell for first hour rang. We all went to the classroom, and as soon as we sat down, our teacher took attendance. Mr. Fook then looked at me, and asked me if Ronnie was a nickname. I said no because that is what is on my birth certificate. He let it drop, and started our first lesson.

"We were going to study Viet Nam. He looked over the class and asked if anyone knew where it was. There were a lot of hands that were raised including Cindy's and mine. He called on a boy three rows from us, and almost in the back of the class.

"All right, Dennis, Where is Viet Nam located?"

"It is in southeast Asia, and was formerly known as French Indochina."

"Thank you Dennis. That is correct."

"Does anyone know what is going on over there at this very moment?" Everybody raised our hands.

"Hmmm, Everybody knows. All right, Ronnie, what is going on in Viet Nam right now?"

"There is a war over there where there are soldiers from the United States, are fighting the communists from north Viet Nam, and China."

"That is correct, Ronnie. Thank you. All right class, I want everybody to read chapter five, and write an essay on the war in Viet Nam. It is due Friday morning." He sat down, and we all got busy reading. The bell rang for second hour, and we all closed our books, and left.

Our second hour teacher is Miss Hamilton, and she was a young teacher. This was our history class. We would be learning American history, starting with the Revolutionary War. Miss Hamilton said she just had to ask one question before we started, to see if we knew anything about the Revolutionary War.

"When George Washington crossed the Potomac River, why was he standing up in the boat?" I raised my hand.

"Yes, Ronnie."

"He stood up in the boat to give his soldiers on the other side morale and confidence so they would know their commander in chief was coming to them."

"That is correct, Ronnie. Where did you learn that?"

"I go to the library a lot, and read a lot of books. I have been reading up on our history quite a bit."

"Well good for you girl." When she called me a girl, I didn't try to correct her, and nobody laughed either. "Class, please read chapter two, about taxation without representation, which was the biggest protest the colonists had against King George. Ronnie, you will write an essay on the start of the Revolutionary War, and why it started."

"Yes ma'am."

Before we knew it, the bell rang for the end of class. "Remember class, answer the questions at the end of chapter two, and Ronnie, your essay is due a week from this Friday. Class dismissed."

When we got into third hour, the teacher wrote her name on the blackboard. She was an older lady with greying hair. Her name was written as Mrs. Hamilton. I wonder if she is Miss Hamilton's mother. I raised my hand and she called on me.

"I am just curious Mrs. Hamilton. Are you related to Miss Hamilton?"

"Yes I am, young lady. Miss Hamilton is my niece."

"Thank you, ma'am."

"You are quite welcome, young lady. Now class, this is home economics. For you boys that are in here, this can be a very good class, because when you are living on your own, and that time will come, you will be glad you had this class. Also, when you get to high school, and you don't take home economics there, you will still be glad you were here. We aren't going to sew, or do child care, but we are going to learn basic cooking. The books I gave you yesterday, are recipe books, and show the recipes for one hundred food dishes, from breakfast to dinners. I want you to select a partner to work with, and then we will begin our first lesson."

Bobbie tapped me on the shoulder, and told me that we should be partners. I agreed, and we paired up with each other. Mrs. Hamilton gave us a stove to work with, and watched how we prepared a meal. The meal she wanted us to prepare would be for dinner.

"Miss Granger and Miss Kelly will be partners," and she went down the list writing our names down as she called out the partners. "Miss Granger and Miss Kelly, will make a dinner for us. When they are through, I want each one in class to take a bite, and tell us what you think. All right girls, you can start."

We were making a rump roast dinner. In order to make it quick, we just turned up the temperature on the stove to almost double what it was supposed to be. The vegetables were cut too. We took out a roaster, and after rinsing the roast, we set it in the middle of the pan, with just enough water for basting. Then we set the vegetables all around the roast. Bobbie set the timer, and then made a small salad, enough for everybody in class. We gave everyone a knife and a fork, and Mrs. Hamilton told them that was for taking a bite out of the roast, and they would have to cut a small piece off. She also said that when the roast was done, it should be moist inside, not dry like shoe leather. Bobbie and I just looked at each other, and we sat down to wait for the timer to go off, getting up every now and then to baste the roast. Since a rump roast cooks in about thrity five minutes, at three hundred and seventy five degress, we set the oven temperature at five hundred degrees. The roast should be done in about twenty minutes, and we would still have time to have a bite. The timer went off, and I opened the oven. The heat came pouring out, and we had to step back a little. I took two pot holders, and pulled the roast out just a bit. I stuck a long fork in the roast, and it went through, and came out without any blood on it. It was done.

I took the roast all the way out, and set it on a small metal pot stand. Then I showed everybody how to cut a slice of the meat, without burning themselves. Everybody said it was delicious, and then Mrs. Hamilton took a slice, and said it was very moist and tender. She also took a bite of each of the vegetables, and she said they were really good too.

"Where did you learn to cook like this, Ronnie?"

"From my mother, ma'am." It was a white lie, but she thought I was a girl, and it would seem very suspicious if I had said anything else.

"All right, does anybody have any comments?"

"I thought it tasted very good. She cooks like my mom does." Colleen Weatherly was also twelve years old, and she had raven black hair, and was a very beautiful Native American. She lived with her adoptive parents, because her parents had been killed in an auto accident caused by someone else. She told me that she had survived but she was also in the hospital for the longest time. Then she went to a foster home while child protective services looked for any living relatives that would take her. They had found none. She said her adoptive parents had no children of their own, and were very happy when they adopted Colleen. That was seven years ago, and she has been very happy.

"Thank you, Colleen," I said, giving her a nice hug.

After we had talked a little more about the dinner Bobbie and I made, the bell rang for lunch. Bobbie said we were going to talk at lunch, about what we can do Friday, before I go to see the psychiatrist. We got into line, and paid for our food, and went to sit down by Cindy and David. Cindy said that what we were going to do, is on Friday she was bringing a complete set of clothes, and I was to make sure I used bubble or perfumed soap, because then I would still smell like a girl, when I went to this person.

Bobbie said the complete set of clothes was going to divided between her and Cindy. Cindy was bringing a nice dress, full slip, and shoes. Bobbie was bringing the bra, panties, garter belt, and stockings. I was supposed to have nice makeup on, because it usually lasted the day. We didn't have gym on Fridays, so this would work perfectly. Cindy said there would be time after the last bell on Friday to get me ready to meet the psychiatrist.

"When you get home Friday after seeing him, call me, and let me know what went on. We don't have a sepearte phone in our house like you do, so my mom will listen in on the extension. Then we will know how to give you advice on what to do the next time you have to see him."

"All right Cindy, and I told my mother too, that I am not going to listen to any lectures, or allow him to tell me that I am not a girl. See my mother made this appointment for four o'clock, so I wouldn't have time to change. But what my mother doesn't know, will certainly make her go ballistic."

"For sure, girlfriend."

The bell for fifth hour rang, and when we didn't have gym, we had another study hall. So on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, we had fifth, and seventh hour study halls, in the same room, with the same teacher.

At the end of the day, when the bus dropped me off, I went in the house, and put my books in my room. I set them on the dresser, and went back doenstairs. Mother was sitting in the kitchen with her ever present cup of coffee and cigarette. I took out a glass, and filled it with apple juice. I sat down to drink it.

"Ronnie, when you came home yesterday, I forgot to ask you to let me see your school schedule. Do you have it with you?"

"Yes, it's in my first book on top of my dresser."

"All right, after dinner I want to see it. Do you have gym?"

"Yes."

"I didn't get a notice that says what kind of gym clothes you will need."

"Just a minute, mother, and I will get it." I went up to my room, and got the schedule. Here comes going ballistic number one hundred. I went back to the kitchen, and gave her my schedule.

"Well, I see that you have gym two days a week, with Miss McConnell. MISS! McConnell? Sine when do they have a woman teacher in boys gym?"

"They don't." I replied with a smirk.

"Don't you dare tell me this is for girls gym."

"Okay, I won't then," and I had that smirk again.

"So, when they find out that you're a boy, they are going to really let you have it, you know. No girl wants a naked boy seeing them naked."

"Mother, that is not what will happen. Miss McConnell has already been told about me, by Cindy, Bobbie, and few of the other girls. The rest of the girls don't really care. I was told that I was going to get the business tomorrow though, because a few girls are going to see if they can get me excited like a guy would get seeing a naked girl. But mother, I have been dressing as a girl in front of Cindy, Bobbie, and the other girls up north. So seeing a naked girl isn't going to make me excited like a guy would get, because I am not a lesbian."

"Ronnie, you are scaring me. This isn't normal for a boy. I..." I held up my for her to stop.

"Mother, for the last time, you are only calling me a boy because of my body. The body doesn't make us who we are. We have a soul, and the soul tells our mind, and our mind that is in our brains, tells our bodies, and that is how we act. You know, mother, I have to thank you for sending me up north those first few years that I can remember. I have gone to church, and I have listened, and read the Bible, and still do, but there isn't anything in there that says we cannot be who we are in our souls. No mother, you just are too blind to see past my body. That is what is messing your mind up. You cannot see past my body."

"Well, if you want to be in girls gym, then I will get you your clothes, but don't come running back to me, saying you were called nasty names, or got beat up by one of the girl's boyfriends."

"I was afraid you would pull me out of girls gym, so I asked Cindy's mom if she could get me my gym clothes that I need, and she said yes she would."

I couldn't understand her. What mother didn't know is, I have already been accepted as a girl at school. That is because they have all seen me enough to know me, and that I never did act like a boy. But I wasn't telling mother the mistake she made by just putting Ronnie down on my school application. The way it is spelled is a nickname for Veronica, so by the way I looked, and acted, the school thought I was a girl. Miss McConnell was the only one who was told about me completely. I was told by both Cindy and Bobbie that Miss McConnell said that as long as I conducted myself as a girl, everything would be fine. Just then the phone rang, and mother answered it.

I couldn't hear what she was being told, but she was very silent after saying hello. I heard her say thank you, and she hung up the phone, and gave me a very strange, puzzling look.

"Ronnie, that was Mrs. Hamilton. She said you made a dinner for home economics class, and it turned out beautifully. She congratulated me on having a wonderful daughter, who can cook at her age. Ronnie, what is going on at that school?"

"Mother, I have been trying to tell you, that everybody, including my teachers, can see me for the girl I am, because they can look past the body at the person. You are the only one who can't see past my body. I didn't ask for this body, but I know who I am."

"I don't understand."

"I know."

Part Three

Chapter Eight - The plan is put into effect.

Mother asked me to get out the chicken, and rinse it off very thoroughly, and place on the cookie sheet with the tin foil. I went in the fridge and got out the chicken. I rinsed it off, and put it on the pan. I had to put my hands by the oven to warm them up, because they were freezing in the cold water. I go tout the vegetables from the bottom drawer in the fridge, and took them to the sink, and rinsed them off. I then got out the cutting board, and cut them into small pieces. I put the pieces in a colander, and rinsed them off again. Then I set them back in the fridge, until the chicken was done.

When the chicken was done, I took two pot holders, and just pulled it out just a little. I took a fork and put it in the middle piece. There was no blood, so it was done. Then I placed the chicken pieces on a large plate, and set it in the middle of the table. I then got out the veggies, and poured myself a glass of milk. Mother always drank coffee.

"Ronnie, where did you learn to cook like this?"

"From you, and grandma Dolly. I have wateched you both and saw how you did things. All I am doing is copying them."

"Is that how you really learned?"

"Yes mother. I can learn by watching, reading, or just listening, or all three. Why do you think I get good grades in school?"

"I see. Now I need to know something. When you need something, like a dress or a skirt, why do you go to your friends and get them? Why don't you ever ask me?"

"Because mother, you are so intent on keeping me as a boy, I figured it wouldn't do any good to ask you."

"Well, yes, but I also want you to learn too, that a boy dressing like a girl, gets beat up and called nasty names. I just want you to learn that this is not how boys live in today's society. I will get you dresses and skirts and blouses, as well as girl's underthings, just to teach you a lesson."

"Mother, Mrs. Hamilton congratulated you on having a daughter. Now if what you say is true, then why did she tell you that you have a wonderful daughter?"

"Ronnie, just eat your dinner."

She was very silent after that. It looked like she was thinking hard about this. I know she understands that I can't be her son, but she has always been one for appearances, and anything that does not fit into her way of thinking, just isn't possible, according to her. I don't know what else I can say to her to make her understand that I am a girl, and not a boy. I have tried everything under the sun, and yet she refuses to accept it. I am only 12 years old, and I really don't know a lot of things yet, but I know who I am. I have known since I was three years old, that I was different than others of my same sex. I didn't know what they called it until I looked it up in the dictionary, and then I was interested to see if there were any books on it. There weren't, so what I told mom and aunt Hazel was partly true and partly made up. I did read about chromosomes, and hormones though. I did a lot of reading about a lot of things. I did know about Christine Jorgensen, too.

I just didn't know what to do.

"Mother, since Cindy's mother is getting me my gym clothes, will you wash them, if I bring them home?"

"Yes, but you are goign to need an athletic supporter too. That is what males wear under their gym shorts."

"Oh, uhm yes, I know what you mean. No mother, I won't need one of those either."

"But that is a requirement though."

"Not in girls gym it isn't. I have a way to make sure I am protected down there. Mother, I want to show you something sometime when you have the time. I can do cartwheels, I can do back flips, well not really all that good on the flips, but I can do them. I keep practicing."

"Ronnie," mother said as she started crying. "Why are you doing this to me? Where did I go wrong?"

"Mother, this is not your fault, it is not my father's fault, it is not my fault. It is just the way things turned out for me. Mother, sometimes, deep inside, people get feelings of being someone else, or being a different gender than the one they were born with. Why this happens, nobody knows for sure, but it happens. And if you want me to see a psychitarist to get "help", you are going to be disappointed, because the only "help" I need, is your love and acceptance."

"But Ronnie, this goes against everything I was ever taught."

"Yes, I know it does. but let me see now that was thrity two, almost thrity three years ago. Things have changed a great deal since you were growing up. I keep telling you that, but you seem to think this is the 1930's or the 1940's yet. Mother, this is 1961, the age of Camelot, and we are a new generation that has learned to accept others for who and what they are. Your generation mother, is so old fashioned, it isn't even funny. And while there are those in your generation, like Miss Hamilton, who have open minds, or Mrs. Hamilton her aunt, who is from the generation before you, even she has an open mind. You were wrong to tell aunt Hazel what you said to her before they left to go home. Now mother, I am Susan Marie, and if you can't see me as the girl I am, and you want to keep refusing to accept me, as me, then I am ashamed to call you my mother."

"Let's get the kitchen cleaned."

"See, that is just the problem. When I counter what you say, you change the subject. That is not fair, mother. You need to listen to what I am saying, because even though there aren't many transgendered people, there will be, and we are here to stay."

"Ronnie, that's not what I am doing. I..."

"That is exactly what you are doing. When you yell at me, and tell me I can't be female, and that it isn't possible, I feel you don't love me. It is possible for me to be female, and even though I can't have children, or a monthly cycle, I can be a barren woman, and I can always adopt children. Mother, you are so way behind on how things are, it just makes me cry, because you don't love me."

"I do too love you. I only want what is best for you."

"No you don't, or you wouldn't be yelling at me and telling me boys are going to beat me up, if they find out I'm not a real female. Well mother, the boys may do that here, but up north I am accepted as the girl I am by the boys, girls, and their parents. Why are you against me being happy? Telling me I can't be female, is not wanting what is best for me, but only what is best for you, because then you can brag about having a son. No mother, I will be who I am. I can't be the son you want me to be. I'm sorry."

"Well, we will see what Dr. Johnston says."

"You just don't understand. But that isn't the real problem. Is it, mother?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"Well, why do I have to see this doctor? Can't you just accept me for me, and love me as your oldest daughter? Can't you?"

"Well, it isn't right that you want to be a female. Ronnie, boys can't be girls."

"The only thing of a boy about me, is this stupid body. I wish I didn't have it, and I was born a girl."

"No Ronnie, you will see when you get older. This will all pass over."

"No, mother, it won't."

"But even aunt Hazel says it is just a phase."

"Mother, did you hear what aunt Hazel was saying to you, just before they said they had to leave?"

"Hear what, dear?"

"That no boy could be as feminine as me, if I weren't female in my soul. She said that a "boy" would mess up now and then without even thinking about it. But I have never messed up. All you said to her was that she wasn't a psychiatrist. Mother, why won't you let me be happy? What is the real reason?"

"Well, it is nine o'clock, time for you to go to bed. I suppose you want to take a bubble bath."

"If I can."

She gave a sigh, and got up from the kitchen table, and went to get me the bubble bath. "Now, you may as well put this in your room, and use it when you take a bath. You only need one cap full."

"I know, mother. The girls have taught me a lot when I was up north."

"Tsk, Ronnie, just go and take your bath, and please go to bed."

"All right, mother. Good night, and sweet dreams. I do love you, you know, it's too bad you can't love me back."

I went upstairs, and got out my rose colored nightgown, and my rose panties. I grabbed my robe, and slippers, and went to run my bath water. I brushed my teeth, and then the tub was full. I lowered myself down slowly, and sponged the water all over me. I thought about what mother and I talked about. She can't love me, and want what is best for me, because she keeps telling me I can't be a girl. I thought about that for a bit. Maybe the girls are right. She is just being selfish, and wants a son she can brag about to her friends and neighbors. I had been doing a lot of thinking, since mother told me she made an appointment with Dr. Johnston. I wonder just what kind of headshrinker he is. I may be twelve years old, but he is in for a big surprise, if he tells me that my needing to be a girl is a mental sickness.

I washed all over, and rinsed off. I got out of the tub, grabbing the towel as I did. I took off my shower cap, and shook my head a little to get the hair to fall around my head. I dried off very throroughly, and got out mother's lotion and body powder, and put that all over me. I then stepped in to my panties, and put the nightgown on over my head. I just let it fall, taking in the sensations from the nylon material. I stepped in to my slippers, and put my robe on, and went to my room. I knelt down by my bed, and said my prayers, including a prayer to please let me be me, and that I didn't really want to see this doctor, because there was nothing wrong with me, except this stupid male body, that mother says makes me a "boy". Why does mother have to be so square? I got in bed, and turned my lamp off, and slid down in the covers just a bit more.

I don't know why I woke up crying, but I did. It was three o'clock in the morning, and I was just crying. I couldn't stop either, and mother, the light sleeper that she is, came in turning on my bedroom light.

"Ronnie, what's wrong? Are you sick?"

"No mother, I must have been dreaming about seeing this stupid doctor of yours. I just wish you were more accepting and loving, because I need you now, more than ever. I feel you don't love me, and don't want to see me live a happy life. You think that because I have this stupid male body, that that makes me a "boy". But mother, I have to be this girl that is in my soul. Don't you see, this isn't something that I just thought of, this is something that has been inside of me for the longest time. Nobody can wake up and say I think I'll be a girl the rest of my life. But for those of us who are girls in the wrong body, we are going through hell, because our parents don't want what is best for us. They just want us to stay a "boy", so that you have someone you can brag about. It isn't fair, mother, it just isn't fair." I rolled over, facing the window, and just cried uncontrollably.

Mother tried to tell me why she didn't want me to be physically female, but all I did was cry. She didn't bother to comfort me, and she left, turning off my bedroom light.

Mother came in and woke me up, and asked me if I wanted to go to school today. This was Thursday, and we had gym today. I told her yes I can go to school, and I got up.

Chapter Nine - Ronnie's friends help

I put on my robe, and went in the bathroom to run my bath. I let the water run, and went to get out my clothes for the day. I took out my lavender jeans with the cute bunnies on each of the back pockets. I took out my lavender bra and panty set, and my black flats with the little strap and buckle across the vamp. The buckle sat on black velvet, and sparkled in the light. I took my underthings back to the bath room with me, and turned off the water.

I sat down slowly, and used the flesh sponge to squeeze water all over my back, head, and front. I washed all over, and got out grabbing a towel. I patted myself down, and put on some of mother's lotion and lavender body powder. I got in to my underthings, except the bra...mother would never let me leave the house wearing it...After drying off completely, I wiped out the tub, and what water was on the floor, and went to get dressed. I put on my makeup, and then into my lavender sweater and jeans. I put my hair in a pony tail, and went down to breakfast. I got to the kitchen, and sat down at my place. Mother looked at me as I sat down, and she just let out a heavy sigh.

"Ronnie, you know I don't approve of the clothes you are wearing. But I can't send you up to change either, or you will be late for school. Eat your breakfast, and get going. Just remember though, that if you get beat up, you brought it on yourself."

I just let out a soft sigh, and finished my breakfast. I put my dishes in the sink, and went to get my books and coat. I was getting chilly out, so I needed to be warm. I put on my coat, and picked up my books. I clutched them to my chest, and left for school, telling mother I loved her, and I would see her later. Oh I forgot to tell you, that the jeans I was wearing zipped up on the side. I went out and waited for the school bus. When it came, I got on, and David waved for me to come and sit by him. I was the last one on the bus before it got to the school. So I sat by David, and we talked in whispers about the plan that we had formed. He said it was too bad he couldn't contribute anything, but he was behind me all the way. I thanked him, and before we knew it, we were at school. We all went in the building, and put our afternoon books away, and took out our morning ones. We went through our classes, and there were no problems. The bell for fourth hour lunch rang, and we all headed for the cafeteria. I saw David just ahead of Bobbie and I. I waited until we got to our table, and sat down.

"My mother said she didn't approve of my outfit this morning."

"I think it looks very pretty, Ronnie." Cindy said, looking under the table. "I like your flats too."

"Thank you, Cindy." I took another bite of my salad, and then I was finished.

We decided to go to the library for the rest of lunch. We were talking about what we were all gooing to do tomorrow, and then the bell rang for fifth hour. We all grabbed our books, and headed off to gym. We went in the gym doors, and there were several girls there in different states of undress, a few of them naked. I walked to my locker, and put my books on the top shelf, and got out of my clothes. I took my bra off, but I left my panties on. I got in to my gym outfit, and as I was walking to the gym, a couple of the girls started running their hands all over me. This is what I was told they were going to do. I kept walking, and the girls went back to their lockers and got dressed. They were the last ones to line up.

When we were lined up, Miss McConnell took roll call, by just looking at us, and marking our names off in her attendance book. She put her attendance book down on the floor by the bleachers, and looked at all of us.

"Today girls, we are going to do simple calesthenics. Is there anyone of you that has tried to back flips?" Four of us raised our hands. "Ronnie, how do you do when you do your flips?"

"Well, not too well, I land on my bottom more than I want to." There were laughs and giggles. "But I keep trying."

"Good. Will you show us how you do your flips for us, please?"

I did a few flips from the small platform that we had, and then went and lined up. Of the three flips that I did, I only did one where I didn't land sitting up, and the last one was all right, but not all that good.

"All right, Ronnie, you need more practice on your form, but hey girl, you did as well as I did when I first started. For the rest of the day, we are going to do a few back flips, and try to do the next one better than one before it. I am not looking for perfection right away, in fact, it may take until June to get some kind of form. But we will practice, practice, practice, and I think you will see just how good you can do. And even though we will practice, I am not going to put any pressure on you to be perfect. But, I may correct your form and posture here and there, but we will have fun too."

I liked Miss McConnell, she wasn't your stuffy gym teacher, and she did show us how she did her flips, and wanted us to try and do the same. She wanted "her" girls to excel, but wasn't going to push us until we dropped. David told us that is what Mr. Harris did. If a boy didn't do something right, he called him a sissy. Miss McConnell is a gymnast, and knows how to teach physical education, but Mr. Harris is only the coach of the varsity football squad, and not a very good one at that. He probably thinks that teaching physical education is having the guys run around the track, while he just stands there. Miss McConnell does exercises with us, and if we fall on our rumps, she shows us the proper way, by doing one or two herself.

About fifteen minutes before the bell rang, she told us to shower and get dressed, and she would see us on Tuesday. We all left the gym, and went to take our showers. This is where it gets really sticky. I have to shower with the rest of the girls. But I had been changing in front of Bobbie, Cindy, and the other girls for a long time. Why was this any different? So I got out of my gym outfit, and left my panties on. Then I went to take my shower. I got nodding approvals from everyone.

"Hey Ronnie, how come you don't stare at us, when we're naked?"

"I wasn't aware that I was supposed to. Is there something special about you, that other girls don't have?"

"No, but there is on you though." There were a few giggles, but they were testing me.

"Well, my special something can be removed, but yours can't."

"What do you mean?"

"Colleen, if you were to live my life, or something similar to it, you would not be able to have your something special removed, but you would have to have that something special added." There were more giggles and titters. "I don't consider breasts to be special, but if you were to go through what I am going through, you would have those removed, but the something special we are talking about would have to be added to you. Hey! Wait a sec! I just had an idea. You can have this one." There were ewwwwws, and a lot of "that's just sick", from the other girls. Miss McConnell heard the last part, and thought that put Colleen in her place.

"So girls, do you think that Ronnie has earned her place in our sisterhood?"

There were a lot of yes, and she is welcome anytime from all the girls. Miss McConnell looked at me, and just smiled. "Ronnie, welcome to girlhood. We know this is going to take some time, but you are strong enough that you will make it. Now girls, I really did like the way everybody behaved themselves today, and the way you all did your flips. If you are going to try and do back flips at home, make sure you have someone there with you, that can act as a spotter. Then when she does her flips, you can be her spotter. Do you understand? This is definitely not something you are to do alone. Even a gymnast like me needs someone to spot for me when I am doing back flips, cartwheels, jump flips, and what not. You all play jump rope together, and what we are going to do in class you should make sure that you do together too."

We all said we understood, and Miss McConnell dismissed the class when the bell rang. We went to our other classes, but I was so much out of it because of tomorrow. I knew my friends wouldn't let me down, and I knew mother wouldn't make me change my clothes, because of the time we had. From school to county hospital was about a fifteen minute bus ride. When the bell rang for the end of the school day, we all went to our lockers, put away the books we didn't need, and took the ones we had homework for. On the bus ride home, Bobbie and David got off at my stop with me.

We all went into my living room, and I went in the kitchen to tell mother I had a couple of friends over. Mother never did really know any of my friends too well, except by name. She didn't know David at all. She came in the living room, and looked at Bobbie and said hello.

"And who is this young man, Ronnie, your boyfriend?"

"You know mother, that is not a bad idea. David would you like to go steady?"

My mother just went oh my god, and went back in the kitchen. We giggled and laughed softly, because mother actually thought I was serious. Good! Maybe she will understand that my friends accept me for who I am, and not what anyone else wants me to be. I asked Bobbie and David if they wanted something to drink, and they said yes. I went in the kitchen and poured three glasses of apple juice. I took them out to the living room, and mother told us to come in the kitchen and drink them.

When we got in the kitchen, mother looked at all three of us, and decided to be mom. "Ronnie, I want you to go up and change into some "boy" clothes. Your friends probably think you're some kind of wierdo."

"No we don't Mrs. Kelly. We accept Ronnie for who she is. So do our teachers, friends, and parents. You don't see the tears Ronnie cries when she gets on the school bus, or when she thinks she is alone. She feels that you hate her because she doesn't fit what you think she should be. I know that I am only twelve years old, but I alos know that a person is supposed to treat others, the way we want to be treated. Ronnie says that is what you taught her, and also told us you don't practice what you preach. Mrs. Kelly, I have a lot of respect for Ronnie, and she really does love you, but you aren't giving her a chance."

"Mrs. Kelly, nobody at school gives Ronnie a second look. She is accepted by everyone as the girl she is. We have a sort of clique at school, but we aren't snobbish about it though. My name is David, and I am a very good friend of Ronnie's. And no ma'am, I am not her boyfriend. I am just her friend. But she is going through a lot to be who she is, and she deserves your respect too. Mrs. Kelly, besides dressing like a girl, which you do not approve of, has Ronnie ever disobeyed you?"

"Well, no, he has been really good at listening to me. But Ronnie is a boy, and he will be a man, and he has to start acting like it, or he could be in a lot of trouble from boys and men. I just want what is best for him. Ronnie, I said go and put on some "boy" clothes."

"Mother, since you don't respect me, why should I respect you? Tell me. Tell me why you refuse to let me be happy. Tell me about a woman's place in the world today. I don't mean what a woman's place in the world was thrity years ago, I mean what is a woman's place in the world, today."

"Well Ronnie, just because it is a different decade doesn't mean a woman's place changes."

"Yes it does, mother. I keep telling you, that you are the only who refuses to see past this stupid body. Do you know what the pastor up north told me? He said that God has a plan for all of us, and if His plan is for me to be female, then that is what I will be, no matter who disagrees. The only reason you don't want me for a daughter is because you hate me."

"That is not true! I only want what is best for you. I know the cruelties of this world, and I don't want you to have to go through those."

"So you tell me to be your son, even though you know full well that I can't. Just remember this, mother, what goes around comes around, and one day I will be this female physically that I am in my soul. One day mother."

"Well, when you are an adult, you can do whatever you want. But as long as you are in my house, you will do as I want. And right now, I want you to change in to some "boy" clothes, so that I can at least "see" my son."

"Mother, you never did have a son. You have a daughter that is trapped in this stupid body. Now I know a little about things, and if I have to, I will leave here, and never come back. Never!"

"If you leave this house and don't come back, I will have to report you as a runaway. Then the police will pick you up and put you in jail."

"No they won't, mother. They'll bring me right back here, unless I tell them that I am being abused, but I have a family that I can stay with. They will take me there, and arrest you. Believe me, mother, there is a lot I can dream up. I am your daughter, not your stupid son. Do you know why I can be this girl physically that I am in my soul? Because I have the attitude, I have the strength to deal with anything that comes along, I have the necessary discipline to be a woman. You mother, are only a female. You are not even a good mother. A good mother loves her child regardless of who that child is, and needs to be. A love that is unconditional. But when you say that you love me, you put restrictions on that love. You will only love me, if I dress and act like the son I can never be."

"Of course you can act like my son, you're a boy."

"No, mother, I am not a "boy", I am a female in my soul being forced to hide in this body by her mother, because her mother is selfish. I am not a "boy", I am a female in a stupid male body. No insult intended, David."

"None taken, Ronnie."

"Well, like I said, Ronnie, you bring everything you get on yourself. I have tried, and tried, but apparently you aren't listening."

"Not about this, I won't listen. Ask anything else for me to do, and I will do it. But I cannot be your son. Not ever."

Well, I think your friends better call their parents for someone to pick them up. Ronnie, when your friends leave, you are grounded to your room for the night."

"I looked at Bobbie and David, and just smiled."

"And don't think about going anywhere, except to your room. If you leave, I will report you as a runaway."

"Mother, you can do what you want. I am leaving, and I am leaving you the address where I will be. I am twelve years old, and as long as I am where you know I am at, they will not take a runaway report. Cindy's father told me that, and he's a lawyer."

"Then I will have him in trouble too. Ronnie, you just cannot go running around the countryside by yourself."

"I go to school by myself. I go to the library by myself. I go to the zoo by myself. What is it you don't want me doing? Dressing like a girl? Girls dress like girls, mother, and I am a girl."

"NO! YOU ARE NOT A GIRL! YOU ARE A BOY!"

"Mother, you don't have to yell. I am going over to Bobbie's. Her address is right there, and I will be staying for dinner too. If you want me to be here, and live with you, it will have to be that I live here as your daughter."

Bobbie, David, and I went to get their books from the living room, and we headed out. I looked back at the house with a sadness in my eyes. Mother doesn't love me, all she wants to do is be a dictator. Well, I can't be happy in that house. I will talk to Cindy's father, and tell him what mother is planning on doing.

"I have an idea. Let's stop by Cindy's, I would like to talk to her father, if he is home."

"All right, Ronnie. What we just saw, you now have witnesses. Will your mother really call the cops?"

"Yes. She will report me as a runaway, but when I tell them what I said to her, and told her where I was going, they will leave. See, when someone runs away, nobody knows where they are going, not even the runaway. But I am just going by a friend's house for dinner. That's not running away."

"Your mother sounds like a real dictator, Ronnie. Why doesn't she see what the rest of us know?"

"I don't know, Bobbie, but I don't know what else to do. She is so against me being anything she can't see, and it's not that she can't see me for the girl I am, she refuses to. That's what hurts, really hurts."

"I know, Ronnie. But you have friends here, and if we have to, we will make sure that your mother accepts you, as you."

"Thank you, David."

Chapter ten - Part One - Ronnie sees the doctor.

We all got to Bobbie's house, and went right in. David asked if he could call his parents, and Bobbie's mother said it was all right. David asked his mother if he could stay for dinner, and she yes. I asked Bobbie's mother if I could call Cindy, and she I could. I dialed Cindy's number, and when she answered, we talked for a bit, and I told her what mother was going to do. I asked her if her father was home, and she said not yet. I asked her if she would tell him that I am at Bobbie's, and tell him what mother is planning. After saying she would, I asked her if she would come with him. Then that way, we can tell about our plan for tomorrow.

"Ronnie, he knows what we are planning for tomorrow, and he says that it is a good plan. After we get you changed, it will all be up to you, and I know you're going to do great. So when he gets home, I will tell him what your mother wants to do, and I will come over with him."

"All right Cindy, and thanks girlfriend."

"You are very welcome, girlfriend."

"Cindy said her dad isn't home yet, but she will tell him. Mother can't report me as a runaway until eleven o'clock, so I am sure that Cindy's father can come up with something. You heard what my mother said. She is so blind to what I need, she scares me most of the time."

"I couldn't believe she yelled at you, like that. Does she do that all the time?"

"No, Bobbie, just when she wants to impress others that she is doing her "mommy" job. When it is just us two, she just tells me she doesn't approve of me, dressing like the girl I am."

"Well, it's like I said, she is just selfish, and wants a son she can brag about. I don't think she wants to understand, and she is definitely not accepting you, either."

"I know, but what she doesn't know is, I can't be that son she so badly wants. I have tried to tell her, but she says I am too young to know what life is all about yet."

"She's the one that doesn't know what life is all about. If she did, she would see you for the pretty girl that you are."

"Thank you, David," I said, feeling the heat in my face, that told me I was blushing.

"You know, Ronnie, you are even prettier when you blush that way." I was getting redder I think.

"Ronnie, don't worry. We will find a way to make her understand, or we can get Cindy's dad to help us get you away from her."

"That would be nice. What I need is a home where I am accepted for who I am, not who they want me to be."

"I agree," Bobbie said, looking like she was thinking hard. "I think what we need to do, is ask Cindy's dad what we can do, because your mother is not a very good person. She tells you to treat others the way you want to be treated, and then she turns around and does just the opposite. I guess saying that her word is her bond, as my daddy says, is not a good thing to say about her?"

"No, it isn't. We actually need to think of another saying that does apply to my mother. She is so stingy, and she never gives me hugs or kisses anymore, and she doesn't sit next to me on the sofa, like she used to, when we are watching television. I..." I was interrupted by Bobbie's mother.

"Ronnie, did I just hear you say that your mother doesn't give you hugs or kisses any more?"

"Yes, Mrs. Granger. Ever since she said I could dress like a girl only in the house, she has been very distant from me, affection wise. I have been dressing like the girl I am, as you can see, Mrs. Granger, even outside of the house. I don't understand why she won't accept me."

"Well young lady, you are welcome and accepted here. When you first came to this house, you didn't have to say anything. I saw in you a very pretty girl, even dressed as a boy. It wasn't anything you said, but it was how you said it, and the things you did, were definitely feminine. I talked with Bobbie, and she told us that everybody at school thought you were a girl. I understand you are in girl's physical education. I know Darlene McConnell from when we were in college together. She actually does know how to teach physical education, and she will do anything for her girls. You are now one of her girls, Ronnie, and if you need to talk to her about anything, she will listen, and if she can, give you a little advice too. I did have an idea for tomorrow though.

"Instead of changing for the doctor right after school, why not change in the girls lavatory, before the second bell rings. I am sure you will get a lot of whistles from the boys, and admiring looks from the girls."

"That would be a better idea than the one we had. Change before homeroom, and then spend the day dressed like I am supposed to be. If mother were to see me before school ends, she would definitely go ballistic."

"All right then, I will have Bobbie bring a set of her clothes with her. I also understand that Cindy is helping too? That is good, because between the three of you, you can get dressed faster, than if you did it alone."

"I like this plan better, because then I won't have to worry about it after school. My mother is picking me up, and then we are going out to county hospital to see this doctor. But don't worry any though, I will not let him get the better of me."

"All right, I have to go and see about getting dinner started. Will Cindy and her father be coming?"

"I'm not sure, Mrs. Granger, but Cindy did say he wasn't home yet, when I called."

"All right, I will make enough for them too. Why don't you call Cindy and tell her they're having dinner here tonight. Then we can let Cindy know of the changes to the plan."

"That's a great idea, Mrs. Granger. I'll do that right now."

I called Cindy to tell her that they will be having dinner at Bobbie's hoouse, because then we can talk. I told her what Bobbie's mother had said, and she thought it was a good idea too. She said her dad had just gotten home, and she would tell him they should come right over. Cindy said she will explain to her dad what I said about what my mother plans on doing. After a little more talk, Cindy said cya when we get there, and we both hung up.

"They're coming over. Cindy's dad just got home, and she thinks that what your mother said is a good plan too."

"That's good," Bobbie said, agreeing that the plan was good.

The doorbell rang, and Bobbie's mother went to answer it. It was Cindy and her parents. Bobbie invited them in, and took their coats. They all came in the living room, and everybody but Bobbie's mom was there. Mrs. Granger was making the dinner, so she had to watch it closely. We were all talking about what my mother had told me when Bobbie and David were at me house. Cindy's father looked young, like he was too young to have a twelve year old Daughter, but he did. He had a full head of brown hair, and dark brown eyes, and he was taller than everyone there. Well I guess that's because we were all girls, except for him. That is at the moment, because Bobbie's father wasn't in the room.

"Ronnie, I can help you, if you ever want to get away from your mother. I can file a petition in the children's court asking the court to place you in safe foster care. I will recommend the Grangers take you in, because Mrs. Granger does have a foster care license."

"I am going to wait until after I see this doctor. The girls are helping me with an outfit, because my mother made my appointment for four o'clock, so I wouldn't have time to go home and change. She doesn't want me dressing like this outside of the house. But how am I supposed to dress? I'm a girl, and girls wear dresses, skirts, bras, panties, slips, stockings, high heels, and take bubble baths, and wear nice feminine nightgowns to bed. I don't know what she wants from me, other than to pretend to be the son I can never be.

"I mean, I am only twelve years old, and we have a new President, and we have more understanding and accepting ways, than we ever did, and we all know the meaning behind be true to yourself. That is all I can be, because my mother surely can't, because she can't live my life. She tries awfully hard though, but she can't, because she isn't me."

"Well you just let me know. I am very serious."

"Thank you, Mr. Marks. It's just sad that my mother doesn't love me."

That was the end basically of talking about what we can do to get me away from mother. Bobbie's mother came out and said dinner was ready, and we all went in the dining room. We stood around the table while Bobbie's father said grace. During dinner we talked about other things, like school, shopping, and makeup. The adults were talking about adult things, while Bobbie, Cindy, and I, talked about going shopping tomorrow, after I had seen the doctor. Bobbie and Cindy said any clothes I wanted, would be kept at their houses. That was so there would be enough room for my clothes, and theirs too.

After dinner was over, the guys went in the living room, while the rest of us cleaned up. It was nice to be included in this group who cared about me as a person. Why couldn't I have Bobbie's, or even Cindy's mother for my very own? Why did my mother always yell at me, and why doesn't she want me to be happy? I will never know I guess.

After we cleaned up, we sat at the kitchen table, and just talked girl talk, about fashions today, as opposed to when Bobbie's and Cindy's mothers were teenagers. Bobbie's mother said her nightmares are about the short skirts Bobbie wears to school, or to just hang with her friends.

"Mother, that's the style now. When you were our age, you wore those skirts and dresses, that came almost to your ankles. Today a girl wants to show a little leg, and figure."

"A little leg? Bobbie, you are showing a lot of leg, and you're not even thirteen years old yet."

"Well, how else am I supposed to attract guys?"

Bobbie's mother gave a very audible sigh, and the rest of us just giggled. "Bobbie, you have a lot of time to attract guys. At your age, you should still be playing with dolls, or at the very most babysitting for someone to make a few extra dollars. But these very sexy clothes you girls wear today, really worry me. Now honey, you are only twelve years old, and there are a lot of really weird men out there that look how you are dressed, and may decide to do something to you. Tell you what though, if you girls are going to dress like this, then never be alone. Always be in a group, because there is safety in numbers."

"All right, mother. We will make sure we are always together, unless of course I am with you and daddy."

"Good girl. I just worry a lot." Bobbie got up and gave her mother a big hug and a kiss on the cheek.

I just thought how great it would be, if I had that kind of relationship with my mother. Even when Mrs. Granger was telling Bobbie about how she worried because of how Bobbie dressed, she wasn't yelling. I liked it here, and at Cindy's because they were a families that cared about each other, and treated others like they wanted to be treated. That is what my mother kept telling me I was supposed to do, but she didn't think it applied to her. Well, tomorrow I see this stupid doctor, and I am going to make sure he sees Ronnie the girl. We went to Bobbie's room, and she showed me the skirt and blouse she was bringing, and she had me try on the shoes. The skirt is Scottish tartan plaid, and the blouse is lime green, that buttoned up in the back. The shoes were just everyday black pumps, that had two inch heels, and an ankle strap. Cindy said she would bring the lingerie, and the stockings.

Cindy said a half slip would be appropriate, because then the bra straps would show through the blouse. Cindy, and Bobbie agreed, said that the doctor being a male, would be so attracted to the bra straps, than he would me.

"And, he will probably be undressing you with his mind during the whole time that you're there."

"That would be funny, Bobbie, since I am supposed to be there to get my head shrunk." We all giggled, and the mothers came up to the room, and wanted to know what was so funny. We told them, and they giggled too.

"Bobbie is right. Men undress us all the time with their minds, thinking about how nice it would be to get us in bed. This is going to be interesting, Ronnie. I want you to come over tomorrow, if you can, and tell us everything that went on in the doctor's office."

"Thank you, Mrs. Granger. I will be sure to have a lot of fun, making this worm squrim." We all giggled, and then I was told that Cindy and her parents were leaving, and I should get back home too.

"That way, your mother can't report you as a runaway." I said thank you again, and gave everyone a hug, and Cindy's father gave me a ride home.

When I walked in the house, it was just a little after nine o'clock. I walked over to mother, sitting in her chair in the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee, and having a cigarette. I gave her a hug, and sat down.

"Mother, while I was at Bobbie's, I had dinner with them, and we talked about girl things. I know that bothers you, but you won't tell me the real reason. Why does my being a girl, bother you so much?"

"I have already told you. I made the appointment for Dr. Johnston tomorrow, because I don't want you to be able to change into something feminine. You are wearing your boy clothes to school tomorrow, so that when you see the doctor, you will at least be presentable as a boy.

I got up from the chair, and started walking to the kitchen door, so I could go up and get my bath and go to bed. I looked back at mother, and told her what was on my mind.

"Mother, you taught me to treat others like I wanted to be treated. But you seem to think that doesn't go for you to do the same thing. All you do lately is treat me with hatred and scorn. So that means that is the way you want people to treat you. Right? Right. Good night, mother."

I went up to the bathroom, and turned on the tap for the bathtub, and put in a little rose bubble bath. I went to my room to get my robe, slippers, and nightgown. I went back and turned off the water, and brushed my teeth. I undressed, and go into the tub. I sat there thinking about what we talked about at Bobbie's, and Cindy's father telling me he could help me get away from mother. I had to really think about this.

I washed all over, and got out and patted myself down. I put lotion and powder on, and got into my nightgown, robe, and slippers. Oh darn it, anyway! I forgot a pair of panties. I'll get those when I get back to my room. I put all my dirty clothes in the hamper, and went to my room. I got out a pair of white panties, and slid them up my legs, and got into bed.

I didn't dream anything during the night, and mother came in to wake me up for school. "I have your clothes all ready for you in the bathroom. You are dressing like a boy today, because I want this doctor to see that I have a son. Now, come on, get up, and get your bath. Breakfast will be ready when you come down."

I was surprised that she didn't have an attitude. Oh well, I got up and took my bath, with rose bubble bath in it, and then got out after washing, and got dressed. I went down to the kitchen, and mother had made pancakes, bacon, toast, and there was even a vitamin pill next to my glass. All right, what exactly is mother up to? I had to tell Bobbie and Cindy about this. I ate my breakfast, taking small bites, and when I was finished, I rinsed my dishes, and put them in the sink. I gave mother a hug and a kiss, and told her I would see her after school. She smiled back at me, and said she loved me, and have a good day at school.

I waited for the bus to come, and when it did, I sat next to David, because someone else was sitting by Bobbie. When we got to the school, I asked Bobbie if we were going to do what we had planned. She opened her back pack, and showed me the outfit.

"Come on girlfriend, let's make you pretty." We went into the school, and right to the girls restroom. I went in a stall and took off my boy clothes. Bobbie handed me the skirt, blouse, and shoes, and just then Cindy came in and handed me a bag with the lingerie in it. I got into the clothes, and stepped out of the stall. "Wow, now we are going to make you stunning."

They got out the makeup, and began putting on me. First the eyeliner, then the eyeshadow, then Cindy put on a light foundation, and Bobbie put on the powder over that. They made sure everything was blended in and looked smooth. Then Bobbie handed me the mascara, and I put that on. Cindy handed me a tube of light pink lipstick, and with everything on, I was ready for school. The right way. The second bell rang, and we went to class. The homeroom teachers walked down the aisles taking attendance, when our teacher stopped by my desk.

"Now that is how a young lady dresses. You look very nice today, Ronnie."

I looked up at him, and said, "thank you, sir."

Part Two - At the doctor's office.

I think I just floated through the day, because all I got were compliments, and a few of the teachers told me that I was wearing too much makeup. I didn't care, I was in seventh heaven. I was going to enjoy this day, because when I got home, I knew mother would demand that I take this outfit off. She was going to go ballistic when she saw me, after school. I really don't want her upset with me, but I have to be who I am. I only wish she could see that. The bell for the end of the day rang all too soon, and it was time to face mother, who was waiting for me outside.

Bobbie, Cindy, and David walked out with me, and when mother saw how I was dressed, she got really wide eyed, then she looked like she was going to yell at me right there. But she waited, until we were away from the school.

"Where did you get those clothes? I wanted you to be dressed like a boy when you see Dr. Johnston."

"I got them from my locker," I lied. "I always keep a set of clothes here, so I can change. Mother, I have to be this girl inside, and not you, or this doctor is going to be able to change my mind."

"We will just see about that. Come on, then, you haven't got time to change. I don't know why you are doing this to me."

"What am I doing, mother? All I have done was be me. What is so wrong with that?"

"Because boys don't dress like this. This is the way girls dress, and you are not a girl. I keep telling you that, but you don't seem to listen. I only want what is good for you, and I don't want to see you in trouble."

"What is good for me, mother, is your love, and accepting me as your daughter. That is all I want."

"Well, when we get there, I want you to act like a young man, and not some little girl."

"Act like a young man, mother. Dressed like this. No. I will act as the girl I am, because that is all I know how to do. You want me to be a young man, and I need to be this girl inside of me. I am going to tell the doctor exactly why we argue a lot."

"Well, the bus is coming. Here is your fare. We will have this settled once an for all, after we see Dr. Johnston."

We got on the bus, and sat down. We just sat there without talking, because mother didn't want to make a scene in public. While we were on the bus, nobody looked at me twice, except a couple of high school boys on their way home. I smiled when they looked at me, and mother must have seen me.

"Ronnie, you're too young to be flirting. Now turn around, we are almost there."

The bus stopped just before the doors of county hospital, and we went in. We went up to the fourth floor, and went to the desk. Mother told the lady who I was, and who were to see. She told us to have a seat, and the doctor would be right with us. We waited what seemed a long time, and while I was waiting, another girl came over by me, and asked if I wanted to play dolls with her. I said yes, and we went over by the toy box. She took out two dolls, and we gave them names, and pretended we were the mothers. The receptionist was watching us, and when I just happened to look toward the doctor's door, she smiled at me. The doctor opened the door, and called my mother in first. After some time had gone by, I was called into the office.

"Hello, Ronnie. My name is Dr. Johston." He held out his hand, but I just sat down. "We're not too friendly today. Why is that?"

"Because my mother wants me to be a dumb old boy."

"Well, that is logical, I'm afraid, because your body is male. Male persons are known as boys or men when they get older. I see that you are dressed like a girl would be. Why is that?"

"Because," I said pointing to my heart, "I am a girl in here. This body is just making things difficult. Everybody wants to tell me how to live, how to dress, and what I can even read. In my civics class, we are told that this is a free country. But everytime I turn around, my mother is dictating how I should live. If this is a free country, who is it free for; the adults only?"

"Well, I can see that you're pretty mixed about this. Tell me why you want to be a girl."

"I don't want to be a girl. I need to be a girl. There is this girl in here," I said pointing to my heart again, "that needs to be allowed to come out and be seen, and to grow up. But everybody says that boys can't be girls. I wonder, doctor, if you remember Christine Jorgensen."

"Yes I do, and in my opinion he needs a lot help."

"She, doctor, she. Christine is a woman."

"She still has the male body, and that makes him a he."

"Doctor, I can see this is not going to be a very good talk. I will be me, no matter what anybody says."

"Well, you know that a boy wanting to be a girl, is a problem in today's society."

"I don't consider my being the girl I am, a problem, except..."

"Get out of my office, I never want to see you again!"

I ran out of the office crying, and crouched down in a corner by the elevators. Mother came out a little while later."

"It's all right, Ronnie. He doesn't want to see you any more anyway. Don't worry about it, because I will take care of it."

"Why are people so mad at me? All I want is to be your daughter. What is so wrong with that?"

"Because you are a boy, and boys just can't be girls."

"Then why does everybody else accept me as this girl that I am? I don't understand any of this."

"That is why you need to grow up first, then if you still want to be a girl, you can do whatever you want. But right now, my job is to raise you according to how society sees you, and they see you as a boy." I just thought to myself, 'oh no they don't'.

"Then why does everybody else, except you and that stupid doctor in there, see me as a girl? Explain that to me."

"Well, just know everything will be fine. I will take care of it."

This was March, and my sister had just turned two years old. I was just home from school, and I changed out of my school clothes, and put on one of my skirt outfits. Mother wasn't home, she was upstairs by her friend. I figured, I would go over to Bobbie's, and I left a note telling mother where I was.

I rang the bell, and Bobbie's mother answered it. "Hello, Ronnie. Please, come in." I went in and sat down on the sofa.

"Ronnie, you don't look too happy. What happened at the doctor's office?"

"He kicked me out, and said he never wanted to see me again."

"But, why?"

"Because I told him that my being a girl wasn't a problem to me. So he told me to get out of his office, and that he never wanted to see me again." I started crying, and Mrs. Granger just held me. "I don't understand why my mother doesn't love me."

"Shhh, it's all right dear. You have a home here, if you ever want it. If you did that, then we could go to the children's court, and get you fostered in here. We would really love to have you here, Ronnie. You have known Bobbie since you were little, and you have become very good friends. I just want you to know, that you have every right to be who you are inside."

"Thank you, Mrs. Granger. But my mother is sneaky. I am very sure she is planning somethig. Just what though, I can't say."

"Well, don't you worry about it, dear. I'm sure that whatever it is, you will come out of it stronger."

"Thank you, Mrs. Granger."

"Bobbie isn't home right now, but if you want, you can stay here until she gets home."

"I have to get back home, because I have homework to do. Will you tell Bobbie I was here?"

"Yes, dear, I will." Her smile was like sunlight on a cloudy day. It seemed that I had a family here, but didn't have one with my mother. I left and went back home.

When I got in the door, I was grabbed from behind, and my mother's friend started to undo the buttons on my blouse. I tried to break my mother's hold, but I couldn't. I started crying, and my mother's friend stopped unbuttoning my blouse. My mother let go of me, and I ran to the other side of the room, and was just shocked by what had happened. I slid down the wall in the corner, and just crouched there and cried. I knew mother didn't want me to be a girl, but I never thought she would go this far.

My mother's friend went back upstairs to her apartment, and mother just went in her room. I just sat there crying. Why does mother hate me so much?

Chapter Eleven - Mother gets sneaky.

I went to my room, and did what little homework I had. Then I put my books on my dresser, and got out Little Women and started reading. Mother came in my room, and sat on my bed.

"Ronnie, this thing with Dr. Johnston didn't go very well. But tomorrow, while you are at school, I have an appointment with Mrs. Beale. She wants to talk to me about you, and even though she says that you make a beautiful girl, you should be raised as a boy. So she wants to talk to me about that."

Mrs. Anita Beale was mother's social worker, and she wasn't very impressed with mother allowing me to dress like a girl in the house. This woman had to have been married to Satan or somebody equally evil, because she never smiled, and when she talked, she sounded just like those domineering headmistresses of boarding schools that you see in the movies. She had grey hair, and wore what we were calling "granny" dresses. She wore black "granny" shoes, and she had the meanest disposition I had ever seen. She even out meaned my mother.

"So, am I going with you to see Mrs. Beale?"

"No, she just wants to see me."

"Mother, why did you grab me when I cam home from Bobbie's?"

"Because I want you to dress like a boy, and act like the young man that you are. All I wanted to do was show you that I was very serious. You aren't supposed to dress like this. I should throw these feminine garments out, then you would have to dress like a boy."

"Mother, if you throw these things out, I will always get more. Why do you think I have so many friends? Doesn't it bother you, mother, that you, Mrs. Beale, and that stupid doctor only see me as a boy? I bet you, if I went to see another psychiatrist that didn't know I have a male body, I will bet you any money that he or she would see me as the girl I am."

"Ronnie, don't talk so, you don't sound right when you do."

"Mother, what exactly is wrong with you? You are supposed to be my mother, but all you seem to be lately is my keeper. Mother, you are the one that seems to be not sounding right when you talk. You tell me to be a boy, and grow up to be a man. I am so sorry, but I don't know how."

"That is what I am here for, is to teach you."

"You...You are going to teach me how to be a man? How? Mother, you are a woman, and teaching me how to be a boy or even a man, would only make me more feminine, because you don't have the knowledge or experience in being a man, because you never were a boy. And neither am...I.

"Haven't you wondered why my voice has only gotten higher? Have you ever looked at me? I mean, really looked at me? Mother, the only thing that says boy on me, is this stupid male body. What is really bothering you so much, that you won't let me be your daughter? Mother, please tell me."

"Well, put your book away, it's time to take your bath and go to bed. I will make everything all right tomorrow. I promise."

I went in the bathroom, after getting the peach nightgown that Cindy had given me, and a pair of white panties. I ran my bath water and put in a cap full of the rose bubble bath. I took off my clothes, and put them in the hamper. I was doing that to see if I would get them back. I sat there in the suds, thinking about what mother had said. She was very sneaky, and sometimes she frightened more than usual.

She wouldn't tell me what she was going to talk to Mrs. Beale about, so it had to be something about me that wasn't very good. I think tomorrow would be a good time to talk to Cindy's dad, about this, and see if he can talk to Mrs. Beale. With mother angry at me all the time, I have to be on my toes with her. I have tried to make her see who I really am, and a few times she was even nice. But mostly she just lectures me about being a stupid boy. This body is gross enough, without having to be what it says I should be. What I should be. A GIRL! That's what and who I have to be.

I couldn't figure out why she did want me to be this girl I really need to be. There was something more that she wasn't telling me. I washed all over, and pulled the plug. I got out and patted myself dry, and put on a little lotion, and body powder. At least the lotion and powder were mine. I put on the panties, and nightgown, flipped my hair out from the back of the nightgown, with both hands, so my hair wouldn't itch me back, and went to bed.

I dreamed that I was being locked up in a room, and I was being watched by two men who were just leering at me, and laughing. I laid on the bed in the room just crying, when the door opened, and the two men came in. They started taking off their clothes, and moved towards me.

That's when I woke up with a scream to wake the living dead. Mother came in my room running, and sat on the bed. She hugged me, and asked what happened. I told her about the nightmare, and she just soothed me."

"It's all right, honey. Mommy's here, and I won't let anyone hurt you."

Where did this come from? All right who are you, and what have you done with my mother? Anyway, it felt nice to have her soothe me, and I cried for what seemed a long time. She raised my head with her forefinger, and looked straight at me.

"Honey, that was a very bad nightmare. I know if I ever had one like that, I'd scream too. Come on, let's go downstairs and have something. Would you like some hot chocolate?"

"Yes, mother, that would be nice. Than...thank you."

Mother helped me out of bed, and held my robe for me. We went to the kitchen, and I sat down at my regular place. I was still shaking from the nightmare, because it seemed so real. Was this nightmare an omen? Did it let me see what mother was really planning on doing to me? Well, whatever mother was going to talk to Mrs. Beale about, caused this nightmare, and I only knew she wanted to talk to mother about my being allowed to dress like a girl at home. I only knew that I needed to talk to Cindy's dad, and the best time to reach him, would be when they had their dinner.

"Mother, Cindy asked me during lunch if I could go over to her house, tomorrow, well today, so we could study. We have a class essay we have to do, and Cindy thought it would be nice if we could do ours together, so we could actually get feedback from each other."

"That would be very nice, dear. Studying with your friends, makes doing homework a lot less stressful. Besides, when you study with your friends, homework is actually fun. So tell you what. You go to Cindy's right after school because I may not be home right away. I am just glad that my daughter has friends she can count on."

Whoa Nellybelle! Where in the world is all this coming from? I mean, mother is a big hassle at best, but now she is being sickingly sweet and giving me compliments, too? Something is up, and I am going to have to be very careful. I definitely have to talk to Mr. Marks today. I will let Cindy know what mother did, after I woke up from my nightmare. I will even tell her about the nightmare, and see what she and Bobbie can tell me.

I saw something in her eyes, when she came in my room. I actually saw worry and concern for me. She even soothed me like I was five years old. Something very odd is going on here. On second thought, I will wait until she goes to bed, and call Mr. Marks tonight. I don't think this can wait.

After we finished our hot chocolate, I had settled down some, and mother wanted to know if I was ready to back to bed. I looked at the kitchen clock, and it was three thrity in the morning. Yes, I was ready to go back to bed. Mother went with to my room, and made sure I was under the covers. She tucked me in, and gave me a kiss on the forehead, and after making sure I had my handkerchief, she said goodnight, and went to her own room.

She actually tucked me in, gave me a kiss on the forehead, made sure I had my hanky, and said goodnight, and went to her room!!!! What in blazes is going on here?!? Oh I know. I'm still dreaming. Yes, that has to be it. Right? I am still dreaming, aren't I? I waited an hour, then I went downstairs and dialed Cindy's. I was lucky, because Mr. Marks answered it. I spoke in a low tone, and told him what was going on, and could he help me. He said he could, and that he had been waiting for me to call him, when I was ready. Well, I was more than ready. I needed his help to get me out of here, and into a nice home. A home where there was love, and everybody did things as a family. Bobbie and Cindy's families had that, plus they accepted me as me. Even my girl friends up north had all of this in their families too.
He told me that he was going to go to the office early, and he said he was getting up, and writing things down, so he knew what to do. He asked me if I would be afraid to go before the children's court judge, and tell him all of the things that mother was trying to do, and I even told him about the nightmare. He said I should tell the judge about that too. He said he was going to get my school transcripts that showed what kind of a student I was, and give that to the judge too. He did tell me, that when I see the judge to be a young lady at all times, because this would impress the judge. With my school papers, and letters of recommendation from the school, Bobbie's parents, and he, his wife, and Cindy, the judge would favor me going to Bobbie's to live. He did say, he was going to recommend that I not just be fostered by the Grangers, but adopted, if my mother would sign away her parental rights over me.
Not that it would make mother lonesome, because she had my sister to raise. Probably like a boy, since she finds that so important. I know, I'm being sarcastic here, but how would you be with a mother like mine? We talked some more, so he could wake up, and he said he was getting right on it. I had no fear now, because Mr. Marks has always wanted me to get out from under mother. He was only waiting for me to say the word.

I didn't go back to sleep, so I got up, and got dressed. I went down to the kitchen, and it was already six o'clock. I had been talking to Cindy's dad for two hours. I got out the frying pans for making bacon and eggs. After getting everything from the fridge, I turned on the burner for the bacon, and put in four strips of bacon, two for me, and two for mother. When the bacon was almost done, I made my eggs. I popped two slices of toast in the toaster, and poured myself an orange juice and a glass of milk. I went to the cupboard and got out a vitamin pill. Mother always insisted on giving me a One-A-Day vitamin. She swore by them, I guess.

I no sooner sat down to eat my breakfast, when mother came in and gave me a hug. She started going towards the stove, and I told her to sit down. The coffee was already done, so I poured her a cup, and made her eggs. I served her her breakfast, and she said thank you. Well, actually she said 'thank you, darling'. I am not sure I can take this sweetness from her. No, really though, it was nice having her not yell at me.

"You look pretty today, dear. And don't forget to go to Cindy's right after school."

"I won't mother."

"Where in the world did you learn how to cook like this?"

"From my mother, and Grandma Dolly. I even learned how to put on my makeup, just by watching you. You have taught me a lot mother, and I am very grateful."

"It's all right, sweetie, that is what a mother is supposed to teach her daughter. Anyway, this breakfast is very good. I should have you make dinner some night."

I don't think I can take much more of this. Mother is being too sweet, and I know she has something up her sleeveless shift. Well, anyway, I had my talk with Mr. Marks, and he said he would get right on it. So we will see what happens. I went to get my books, and on the way to getting my coat, I gave mother a hug and a kiss on her cheek.

"Goodbye mother, I love you."

"Goodbye sweetie, and I love you too." And she even said that with what looked like a genuine smile.

I went out and waited for the school bus. When it came, I saw that there was an empty seat next to Bobbie. Oh! I'm sorry, but Cindy rode this bus too. I was the last one on, and first one dropped off. I sat down next to Bobbie, and that's when I saw Cindy, in back of us.

"Hey!"

"Hey!" They said back, smiling.

"Daddy woke up this morning and said he had a long talk with you. When did you call?"

"I called around four this morning, because mother is up to something very weird. Yesterday, she told me she had to see her social worker today. Then when I went to bed, I had such a bad nightmare, that I woke up screaming. Mother came running in my room, and held me like I was five years old. She was actually soothing me, and telling me that everything is all right, and she wouldn't let anybody hurt me. Then she got really wierd, and offered me a cup of hot chocolate, and she even called me her daughter. She is up to something."

"Daddy told me about the nightmare. I would have screamed too. Anyway, what you told daddy this morning, he said you need to get out of there, and he is going to get right on it when he gets to his office. You and Bobbie are my best friends, and I want you both to be safe. Daddy said he is going to try and get you to be adopted by Bobbie's family, if your mother will give up her rights over you. Sue, he means what he says. You should have seen the pages of legal paper he wrote on, just from what you told him."
Bobbie couldn't have been any happier, when she heard what Cindy had said. She gave me the biggest hug.

"We're going to be sisters, Sue! Isn't that groovy?"

"Yes sis, that is really groovy." But would it work out the way we were thinking it would? We'll see. Yes

I am only twelve years old, but I have had a lot happen in my life, so I wasn't thinking like a twelve year old, but more like an adult. Anyway, I was happy that Cindy's father was going to get right on this today. I need a family.

When we got to school, I was called in to the principal's office. Mrs. Schwatrz was a very nice lady. She wore the latest fashions for her age, and she had sparkling blue eyes, and pearly white teeth. Her smile was infectious, and when she talk to students there for disciplinary things, she never yelled at them. I was told to go straight to her office, and when I went in, she looked up at me, and said politely for me to sit down.

She was reading something on her desk, and then she looked at me. "Miss Kelly, I got a call from Mr. Jonathon Marks. He is Cindy Marks father, and he is an attorney. He has asked me to get all your school reports ready, because he needs them for the chidlren's court. You aren't in any trouble are you, dear?"

"No ma'am. He is going to help me so I can have a real family."

"Is there trouble between you and your mother?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"I suppose it has a lot to do with the girl in you?" It was a question, more than a statement.

"Yes, ma'am. My mother is going to see her social worker today, and she said it had to do with my dressing and being the girl I am."

I told her about the nightmare, and what mother did when she came in my room, and even after. She had that incredulous look on her face, and then she closed her mouth.

"Well, we know that you are physically male, but you have done nothing but act like a very polite young lady here, and I for one will do nothing to upset that. You have the respect of your teachers, and the student body. So whatever Mr. Marks wants, he is going to get from me. I will even write a nice letter to him for you too. I want you to know Miss Kelly, that here, if you act like you are supposed to, you are treated the same. Now, here is an excuse for missing homeroom, and you give this to Mr. Fook. Have a good day, Sue, and I hope that whatever happens in court, comes out good for you."

"You called me Sue. Why?"

"Because I have the funniest feeling that what the kids call you, that that will be your name after Cindy's father is done with this. Watch my words girl, you have a lot of support here."

"Thank you, Mrs. Schwartz."

"You are very welcome young lady."

I went to my first hour class, and got in just after the bell rang. I gave the excuse to Mr. Fook, and took my seat. Bobbie wanted to know what happened, and I said I would tell everybody at lunch. But mother's attitude is what I was thinking about. She never accepted me for the girl I am, and yet, this morning she was so very sweet, and even called me her daughter. I couldn't get this out of my head. And then Mrs. Schwartz too, said good luck and told me I had a lot of support here. I didn't know that until she told me. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. What Mrs. Schwartz said made me very happy, and now I am starting to cry. Darned tear ducts, they just don't know how to behave.

Mr. Fook said I could be excused, and I went right to the girls restroom. I no sooner went in, than Bobbie came in right behind me. She held me, and told me everything was going to be all right, and that there was nothing to really worry about. After a few minutes of Niagara Falls tears running down my cheeks, I repaired my makeup, and Bobbie and I went back to class.

"Is everything all right, Miss Kelly?"

"Yes, Mr. Fook, and thank you."

"You are very welcome. I put the homework assignments on the board. Copy them down, and I hope everything turns out good for you."

"Thank you, sir. I know they will." I hope.

The bell rang for second hour, and we all grabbed our books, and went to Miss Hamilton's class. When I walked in, Miss Hamilton said she would like to talk to me after class for a bit. I said alright, and went to me desk. Miss Hamilton talked about The Revolutionary War again, and this time, she talked about a man named Francis Marion. We were told he was a brigadier general, and was known as the Swamp Fox. He did raids on the British forces, and retreated back to the swamp area, and the British never found him. I told Miss Hamilton that there was a series on television called The Swamp Fox, and she said that was based on brigadier general Francis Marion's life. I told her I thought that Leslie Neilson played The Swamp Fox, and she said I was right. She asked me if I liked watching historical series like that, and I said yes, but now it held an even deeper meaning for me, because it is based on the life of a true person. She smiled at me, and asked me if I would do an essay on the life of brigadier general Fancis Marion, and I said I would. She said it was due on Friday.

The period went by too fast, and the bell rang. We already wrote down our assignments, and then we sarted leaving. Bobbie and Cindy stayed behind too.

"Girls, I was asked by principal Schwartz to give Ronnie a recommendation, and character reference, because you are going to court, Ronnie?"

"Yes, ma'am. Cindy's father is helping me to get away from my mother. I have been having a lot of problems with her lately."

"Why didn't you come and talk to me, or even my aunt. Ronnie, the whole school knows that you are have a different body than most girls. But you have always conducted yourself as nothing but a polite young lady. Even my aunt says you are a very polite young lady, and you know how to cook really well. I am sorry that you are having problems with your mother, but I hope that things will work out for you. Oh! One other thing. From now on, you will find that we will be calling you Miss Kelly and Susan, or Sue. We have been told by principal Schwartz that that is going to be your name after you get back from court. Does that sound all right, Miss Kelly?"

"Yes, Miss Hamilton, and thank you very much."

"You are very welcome, and here is an excuse for all three of you so my aunt doesn't get angry." We all giggled, and said see you tomorrow, and we left.

We just got into Mrs. Hamilton's room, as the bell rang. We sat down, and Mrs. Hamilton told us that we were going to do a little more cooking today. Since I had cooked that marvelous dinner meal, Mrs. Hamilton called on Bobbie to make the dinner meal this time.

She got out a cookie sheet, and covered it with waxed paper. She turned the oven to three hundred and fifty degrees, and then took the two chicken breasts, and rinsed them very thoroughly. She set them on the cookie sheet, and then put it in the oven. She set the timer for thirty five minutes, and washed her hands. She got out the cabbage, and shredded that so she could make cole slaw. She also shredded a carrot, and sliced a cucumber. She put the cabbage in a colander, along with the carrot and cucumber, and rinsed them off. She got out the vinegar, and a little sugar (just a tinch), and then put everything in a bowl. She mixed up the cole slaw, and check the chicken. She saw there was almost a river of grease on the cookie sheet, so she paused the timer, and took out the cookie sheet. She very carefully poured the grease in to a coffee can that Mrs. Hamilton had for that purpose. Bobbie then put the cookie sheet back in the oven, and restarted the timer.

Then Mrs. Hamilton asked questions of the other students, as to why Bobbie had drained the grease off of the cookie sheet. I raised my hand, but Mrs. Hamilton called on Ginger. Ginger was another girl in my class that accepted me for who I am. In fact, all the kids in school accepted me.

Ginger told Mrs. Hamilton, that Bobbie drained the grease from the cookie sheet, so that the chicken would actually bake better, and we wouldn't have all that fat when the chicken was done. Mrs. Hamilton gave her a well done, and the timer went off. Bobbie took the chicken out, and checked it with a fork. The fork went right through both centers, and the chicken was done.

Bobbie took started cutting the chicken into enough slices for the whole class. We had to remember that lunch was the next period, so we took the small pieces and just nibbled. The chicken was very good. It was tender, and very moist on the inside. The cole slaw was also very good.

"Miss Granger, that was very well done. You are a very good cook."

"My mother taught me, Mrs. Hamilton."

"Well, she taught you very well. We seem to have a class of cooks here. I am delighted to have such a class. And Susan, good luck tomorrow in court."

"To...to...tomor...tomorrow?"

"Yes, Mr. Marks filed an emergency petition in your name with the children's court. The whole staff was asked to give you a character reference, and we have all given Mrs. Schwartz our reports."

I was in a daze. I didn't know what to say. Cindy's dad said he would take care of it, but I didn't know it would be so quick. Wow! I'm...uhm...I'm...wow! It was then that all the kids in my class told me that they supported me too, and if they could, they would even come to court with me. I'm just speechless. I didn't know what to say. Bobbie and Cindy just smiled at me, and had to help me keep my balance. Wow!
I think I ate lunch, I think. I was just soout of it, because everybody has been so nice. I started crying again, and Cindy and Bobbie just held me, and soothed me, saying I had every right to cry. Mrs. Emory, one of the teachers I didn't have, came over.

"Is everything all right, Miss Kelly?" I just nodded my head.

"She's just happy that she doesn't have to go home tonight. She is staying with my parents and I." Bobbie said, concerned that I still hadn't stopped crying. "Listen, Sue, Cindy's dad said you are to stay with us tonight, and if you need to get some clothes, we are to call the police and have them go with us. They will make sure your mother doesn't start anything. This is an order from the children's court judge, because of the petition Cindy's dad filed. Cindy and I will also be with you in court too. We found out about this when we got into class this morning. Cindy's dad called Mrs. Schwartz this morning and told her, so she told us. She didn't tell you, because we said we wanted to. She said that was fine."

"I don...don't know...what to...say. This, this is, so, so,."

"Shhh, it's all right Sue. You don't have to say anything right now. We are your friends, and we intend to make sure you are safe. My dad has wanted to get you away from your mother for a long time. See Sue, everytime you told us what was going on with your mother, I was telling my dad about it. He said he agreed, but it had to come from you. When you called him this morning, he was right on the job, getting everything written down that he had to do. He wants you to read his copy of the petition after school. Sue, it is time that you stood up to her in front of a judge. The judge will make sure that you are safe. Now, my dad will represent you, but you will also have a guardian ad litem from the public defender's office. That is an attorney assigned to protect your rights. So you will have two attorneys there.

"Sue, you are going to be safe. I know my dad will get you away from your mother, and I know that he will get you to live with Bobbie and her family too. Daddy also asked for something else too. He asked that your name be changed to Susan Marie Granger."

I still hadn't stopped crying. Mrs. Schwartz was called to the cafeteria, and was told what was going on. She came over by us, and sat down. She put her arms around me, and told me that girls have a right to cry.

"I will excuse you for the afternoon, if you want. I know all of this is very sudden, but if it will help you to be safe, and not have to go through a lot of stress with your mother, then I am all for it. But you can go if you'd like."

"No. Thank you anyway, Mrs. Schwartz. I'll make it. It's just that everything just hit me all of a sudden, and I guess I was overwhelmed by it all."

"That's all right, Miss Kelly. I have been informed to start calling you Miss Granger. That's going to be confusing with the two of you in the same classes."

"We'll work it out, Mrs. Schwartz," Bobbie said more confident than I could right now.

"I know you will, you've come this far."
We all knew what she meant by that. With Bobbie and Cindy helping me, we have come far in what we needed to do. Now I had to go to court tomorrow. I wonder just what Cindy's father really did. I didn't know emergency petitions could be that quick. But I guess they can. It seemed like fourth hour lasted for hours, but the bell finally rang, and we all headed to the gym, after telling David we would see him after school.

When we went in the locker room, and we were all changed into our gym clothes, we went in the gym, and I just couldn't help myslef. I went right to the uneven parallel bars, and started doing all the pullups, leg lifts, and twists, and barrels. Nobody said anything, until I finally landed on the mat underneath.

"Well Miss Kelly, I am not disappointed. You did that like you were born to it. There were just a few awkward moments, but we can take care of that in class. Are there any other volenteers?"
Bobbie said she would try it, and she did. Miss McConnell said she did good, but there were some thngs that we needed to refine in class. Everybody took their turns on the bars, and then we did a few calesthenics, and then we were told to shower down, and get dressed. We all got our showers in, and just as we all were dressed in our street clothes, the bell rang. Sixth and seventh hours went by one second at a time it seemed. I was just droning through the last two classes, but still managed to write down our homework assignments. Bobbie and Cyndy kept a close eye on me, and were very concerend.

The bell for the end of the day rang, and we all went to our lockers. We put away our books we didn't have nay homeowrk for, and took the ones we did. We got outside, and I was told by the bus driver, that she was not to drop me off, except at Bobbie Granger's stop. I just nodded, and went to sit down.

Everybody on the bus was very concerned, because I didn't look too good. Some even said I was as pale as sheet, even paler some others said. We finally got to Bobbie's stop, and we got off. The driver told Cindy she couldn't let her get off here, and we told the bus driver that we were meeting her dad here. So she let Cindy get off with us.

We went inside Bobbie's house, and her mother came out of the kitchen, and just hugged me. I was grateful for those arms, because I needed a mother's arms around me. A mother who actually cared. Well, tomorrow I would find out where I would live, I guess, and who I will be legally. Tomorrow.

Chapter twelve - At court.

We just stood there inside the door, and Mrs. Granger just held me. She walked me over to the sofa, and sat down with me, motioning Bobbie to take me upstairs and show me my room.

"It is like I said, Sue, you have a home here, if you want it. And now it looks like that will be a reality. Mr. Marks is a very good attorney, and he doesn't do anything on the spur of the moment. He makes sure he has everything, before he even files any papers. You are going to stay here tonight, and tomorrow we will all go to court together. Bobbie and Cindy will be there too, to tell the judge what they think about you, and why you should be who you are. I have been looking forward to this for a long time. When we get back from court tomorrow, we are going to go out to eat. Do you need to get your clothes from your mother?"

"Yes, Mrs. Granger."

"All right then, I will call the police and have them meet us there. You go with Bobbie right now, and she will take you to your room. Sue, it is nice having you here." I must have more water in me than Niagara Falls, because I broke down crying again. This time Bobbie and Cindy got into the holding me, and they had very sad eyes, because I was upset. Then Bobbie said something that brought me out of it.

"Last one upstairs is a girl." That did it, I couldn't help but laugh. So we ran upstairs, and of course I was the last one. We both giggled, and Bobbie showed me to my room. This room was definitely for a girl. It had pastel pink on the walls, glossy white for the window trim, and a canopy bed, that had a pink ruffled top, and pink bedding. There were lovely lace curtains on the windows, and a nice big closet. There was a vanity with a French Colonial bench with a pink satin skirt around it. And all around the room, there were stuffed teddy bears, dogs, kittens, monkees, and at the foot of the bed, there was what every girl needed. A Lane cedar chest. I just held my hand over my mouth, and let out a very audible gasp.

"Everything is so pretty. It's like I died and went to heaven."

"That's not all, sister dear. Look at this."

She went over to the vanity, and opened a jewelry armoirie, that had necklaces, earrings, and a couple of finger rings. Then she opened another box called a kaboodle. It had all kinds of makeup in it, and Bobbie said it was all mine.

"So you see, sis, we have been planning for this day for a very long time. I just have one question though. What took you so long?"

"Everybody has been so nice. I don't know how I am ever going to pay all of this back."

"Step back, little sister. Pay what back? You are family now, and you don't pay family back. Come on, let's go down and see if mother is ready to go and get your clothes."

We went downstairs, and Bobbie's mother said the police will meet us there, and we needed to get going. We drove the ten minutes to my house, which only took about three or four minutes in the car. When we pulled up outside of my mother's house, we sat there, because the police weren't there yet. When the police car got there ten minutes later, we explained what was going on, and that we needed to get my clothes from inside the house. We went in the house, because legally I still lived here, and one officer stayed by mother in the living room, and the other officer went with Mrs. Granger, Bobbie, Cindy, and I to get my clothes. We took all the girl clothes I had, and left all the boy clothes, because Bobbie's mother said that after today, the only boys clothes I would be near, was Bobbie and Cindy's fathers, and the boys at school. From now I was going to be allowed to be the girl I have always been.

We put all my clothes in Mrs. Granger's car, and then she thanked the officers for coming, and we left for Bobbie's house. I looked back with a sad look, and my mother was just standing there with her arms folded, looking like she could kill with that angry face. Yes, I was very sad, that mother has to learn like this, but maybe she never wanted me to begin with.

We got to Bobbie's house, and we all took my clothes to my room. Bobbie's mother said that we were having Cindy and her parents for dinner too, and she needed to get down and start it. Bobbie said we would be right down to help, as soon as we had put my clothes away. We put all my clothes away in both the closet and my dresser, and we went down to help with dinner. We asked what we could do, and Mrs. Granger asked me to make the salad, and Bobbie to peel and boil four potatoes. I was shown where the vegetables were, and I got out the lettuce, a carrot, one length of celery, and a cucumber. I shredded the lettuce, the carrot, and diced the celery, and sliced the cucumber. After all the vegetables were in the colander, I rinsed them off, and put them in a large bowl. I took a fork and a spoon and "tossed" the salad. I then set the bowl back in the fridge, until the meat and potatoes were finished. Bobbie had one more potato to peel, and I helped her by peeling it myself.

The meat was already in the oven, and the potatoes were cut up and rinsed off, and then put on to boil. We all sat down at the kitchen table, and Bobbie's mom made us hot chocolate. Next to diamonds, chocolate is a girl's best friend. We sat there talking about how things would be with me here. I was told that I would have to help with the housework, but that was for everyone, including Bobbie's father, when he was home.

"Mrs. Granger, I really do like helping with houosework, cooking, and helping with the wash. I can even do the ironing now and then too."

"Ironing? Well, I guess I am impressed." We all giggled, because Mrs. Granger was only joking. "I'm going to call you Susan or Sue, because I know what is going to happen tomorrow. I have been to a lot of these hearings, and usually, it is the parent that has a lot of explaining to do. Now, being who you are, Sue, will kind of put the judge on the defensive, and while it may look like he will take your mother's side, Cindy's father will be there to make sure, that you are protected by the law. Right now I can tell you, that there is no law that says you can't be the girl you are inside.

"We don't have any authority on this right now, except when Christine Jorgensen came back from Denmark after she had her surgery there nine years ago, to be the woman she has always been. I'm sure that Cindy's father will bring that up."

"Mrs. Granger, will I be able to say anything?"

"Well mostly, in these hearings, the judge just listens to the social workers, and psychiatric reports. But in this case, there won't be a psychiatric report, because the doctor told you to leave, after only fifteen minutes. Has this social worker ever talked to you, Sue?"

"No, she has only talked to my mother. I only know her by her name."

"Good. I think Mr. Marks will be able to get his petition granted. Now Sue, I was told today that this petition is twofold. One is to remove you from your mother's care, and the other is for the court to change your name to Susan Marie Granger. Would you like to have our last name?"

"Yes," I said smiling. "I would love to be a part of this family." For that I got a hug from both Bobbie and her mother.

"Well, anyway, the court hearing is set for nine in the morning, and we need to be there thirty minutes early, because the guardian ad litem will want to talk to you. Since you have your own attorney, Sue, the guardian ad litem will be there to make sure your rights are protected. The guardian ad litem is specifically trained to know the rights of children. That is why he works at the children's court center for the state public defender's office. Now, no more of this until tomorrow. Come on ladies, we have dinner to get ready."

We went to the kitchen, and I took the long fork and poked a couple of the potato pieces, and they were very soft. I took two pot holders, and took the pan over to the sink. I poured the potatoes into the colander, and set the pan on the side, to be washed. I then put the potaotes in a large bowl, and got out a potato masher. I put in a little butter, and a little milk, and mashed the potaotes. I asked Mrs. Granger if she had a wisk, and she showed me where it was. I then whipped the potatoes into a creamy delicacy. When you can cook, you know those words. I giggled when I thought that.

"What's funny, Sue?"

"I was just thinking that I made the potatoes into a creamy delicacy, and then thought that when you can cook, you get to know words like those." We all giggled.

"Well, I have always thought you were more mature than your years allow. It seems that your whole generation seems to be more mature than their years, even though some don't show it. But you did very well. Looks like Bobbie was right."

"Right?"

"Yes, Bobbie told me you were a very good cook. She said you made an oven stew in home ec, and even Mrs. Hamilton gave you a compliment."

"Yes, but I didn't do anything really all that great though. I just cooked a dinner. It was nothing."

"Nothing she says. Oh, all right. But, I think you did great." She said rubbing her nose against mine, and giving me a hug. "Now young lady, let's get everything on the table, and I will go and get everybody." Just then, the doorbel rang. "Cindy and her parents must be here. I'll get it."

Cindy and her parents came in the dining room, because dinner was ready, and they had just made it. Cindy, Bobbie, and I sat together, and the adults sat around us. We passed the food around, so everybody could get a serving of each. Then Bobbie's father said grace, and even asked the Lord to let me come and stay with them tomorrow. We talked, or I should say Cindy's father talked, while we ate.

"Well, what I have to say is, the petition I filed is called a CHIPS petition. It actually stands for child in need of protective services. In this case, you Susan. I have documented everything you have told Cindy and Bobbie, and I put that in my brief to support the petition. Now, the district attorney will be there too, but he will not be representing your mother. He is there just to look out for the state's rights. Any time there is a social worker giving a report, the district attorney is there. Your mother will have an appointed attorney from the state public defender's office, and you will have one too, except your attorney is called a guardian ad litem. I will be the attorney representing you, but the guardian ad litem is also free to ask questions of the social worker, the doctor, and your mother.
I have also asked that character witnesses be allowed to testify, and that third party character reports be allowed also. If we got everybody that submitted a report on you from school, to testify, they would have to close all your classes. I also asked too, that the court change your name to Susan Marie Granger, that is if your mother will sign away her rights over you."

"You said 'doctor' Mr. Marks. What doctor?"

"The one your mother had you see, a Dr. Johnston. Now we can get him disqualified though, because he has only seen you for fifteen minutes. That isn't long enough to make any kind of a diagnosis. Plus, I heard he kicked you out of his office, when you said being a girl wasn't a problem for you. Any psychiatrist worth his or her salt, would continue to see you, because he or she would be intrigued by your answer. They would want to know more. But this doctor didn't, he just told you to get out."

"Will the judge look at his report?"

"Not if I can help it. This doctor's report would be based on mere conjecture, and opinion, rather than research and exhaustive study of the client. So we will see. Every teacher that you have at the school, has filed a very good character reference about you. So I don't see any problems. This is just a simple petition to get you into a good home. I have talked to the Grangers, and they said they would love to have you here. I want you to understand though, that the court may assign a social worker to make house visits just to make sure you aren't being abused in any manner. Mrs. Granger can tell you, that this is normal procedure for the court."

I looked at Mrs. Granger, who just smiled, and nodded her head. "You have nothing to fear, Sue, because what the social worker will do, is come in and talk to you, take a look at your room, and leave. The social worker the court assigns will know that you are becoming the girl you are, and you are living as that girl now. That is so the social worker won't be surprised when she sees you, or your room."

"And sis, we are with you all the way. We will make sure the judge knows just how long you have been this girl that you are. We have known each other even before we started kindergarten, so you know I will be there for you, as will mom and dad, Cindy and her parents. We will make sure the judge sees how well you are loved and accepted here as the girl you are." I gave her a big hug.

When dinner was over, Mrs. Granger told me to go in the living room with Mr. Marks, because he wanted to go over the petition with me. We sat on the sofa, and he took the petition out of his case.

"All right, Sue, I want you to read this. If there are any words you don't understand, ask me, and I will tell you what they is, and what they mean."

I read through the petition, and it was in language I could actually understand. I saw where he asked for Dr. Johnston to be disqualified as a witness, and his report stricken from the record. There were two paragraphs as to why. Then the last thing I saw, was asking the court to change my name. Hopefully mother will sign away her rights over me, and I can go and live with the Grangers. I gave the petition back to Mr. Marks, and he put it back in his case.

"Did you understand everything I put in there?"

"Yes I did, it was written so I could understand it."

"I did that on purpose, because the judge is going to ask you if you read the petition, and you can truthfully say yes."

"Mr. Marks, will the judge let me come here and live?"

"That's what I am going to try my hardest to do. I'm not satisfied unless I win. I'm greedy that way." He chuckled, and I giggled.

We talked a little more about what I could expect at the hearing, but I needn't worry because Mr. Marks was going to make sure the judge understood, that I only needed to be removed from my mother's care, and placed with a well adjusted, and loving family. When we were through talking, we went back in the kitchen, and told everybody we were done.

"And thank you, Mrs. Granger, for letting me talk to Mr. Marks alone."

"Child, no thanks is necessary. You are a part of our family, you always have been actually. When you needed to talk, who did you go to? Bobbie and Cindy. They told us what you were going through with your mother. When you came over here last night, crying because of what your mother is doing to you, I told you then you have a home here, if you want it. We all mean that. When you first started wearing Bobbie's clothes, I thought then that you would make a beautiful girl, and look at you today. You are beautiful Susan, and even strangers that see you, call you Miss. When the judge says you can live here, I want you to see a medical doctor for a physical. I am going to want him to take a blood sample, and do a hormone count. If what I think is going on in that body of yours, is going on, maybe we can get you to be the girl in you physically. I just wish I had the authority to do it now, but I can't. I have to wait for the court order. See Susan, I think you look and act the way you do, because you have an over abundance of natural female hormones in your body. I have noticed that your voice has become that of a teenage girl.

"That gives me an idea. Susan, will you do me a favor, if I tell my husband to leave the room?"

"Like what, Mrs. Granger?"

"Like take off your blouse. I just want to see for myself if I am right." I nodded, and she asked Mr. Granger to go sit in the kitchen for a bit. Mr. Marks had to stay, because he could probably use what he sees, in court. I took off my blouse, and cami.

"Bobbie, do you see what I see?"

"Yes mother, I certainly do. I don't know why I didn't notice it before."

"Notice what, Bobbie?"

"Take a look in the mirror behind you."

I looked in the mirror, and I didn't know what I was looking for, but then I saw them. Two little bumps forming on my chest. No wonder it itched so bad there.

"Am I growing breasts?"

"Yes you are. No wonder you look like a girl so much."

"My chest has been itching something fierce, and I just thought it was because I was sweating, or from my boy shirts."

"No sweetie. Your chest itches, because the skin is pushing outward as the breasts form. Okay, put your cami and blouse back on. Mr. Marks, do you think you can use this in court?"

"I certainly can. You know Susan, you will have to take off your blouse and cami in court, so we can show the judge. Do you think you can do that in front of the judge, the court staff, and your mother, social worker, and Dr. Johnston?"

"If it will get me away from my mother, yes I can."

"Good girl. What I have just seen, will make my argument go in our favor. Good thinking Mrs. Granger. Now we have evidence that will hold up even in the Kremlin. Young lady, I just have to say, that you are way braver than I would ever be in the same situation. You are going to do very well tomorrow. Well, we have to be going anyway. We have an early day tomorrow. You sleep well, Sue, and I will see you tomorrow, because we are all riding to the court center together."

When Cindy and her parents left, I curled up on the sofa next to Mrs. Granger, and we just watched a little television. There wasn't really anything good on, so we talked a little more.

"Mrs. Granger, do you really think everything will work out?"

"Yes, I really think things will work out. What made me have you take off your blouse, was because you look like any other girl. Not to mention that your voice is changing, but it is changing like a girl's, and your hips are starting to widen out a little now. You are going through what we call puberty, but you are going through female puberty. Even your straight as an arrow figure is starting to take shape. Well, when we get back here tomorrow, and I know that you will be with us too, I am calling the doctor and getting you in for a complete physical. If what I think is going on with you inside of that body, is going on, then your mother is more dense than the Black Forest. But right now, I think we all need to get to bed, so we are wide awake tomorrow for court."

I gave everybody hugs, and said good night. "Mrs. Granger, I like to take a soothing bubble bath before I go to bed. Is there any bubble bath I can use?"

"Yes dear, underneath the bathroom sink." I said thank you, and went to take my bath.

"Before you get in there sis, I have to use the facilities."

"All right, I am just going to go and get my nightgown, panties, robe, and slippers. It was good that we got my clothes, because I left the bubble bath mother gave me, at the house."

"Don't worry sis, we have bubble bath here, that you can use. I love taking bubble baths too."

I got my night clothes out, and Bobbie was through in the bathroom, so I went in and started running the water. I put in a capful of the lilac bubble bath, and then I started getting undressed. I stopped short, because I had forgotten my toothbrush. I slipped my robe on, and went to get it. When I got back the tub was filling with a mountain of suds. So I got undressed, and got in the tub. I will brush my teeth after
I am done with my bath.

I sat there, just thinking of everything that I had been through tonight. This was a lot better than mother telling me I was a boy, and couldn't be a female. Then Mrs. Granger tells me I am starting to develop like a girl, and I haven't even taken any of those birth control pills yet. I washed all over, and rinsed off. I got out of the tub and patted down, and when I was completely dry, I looked in the mirror.

I looked at my hips, and yes they were getting wider, my voice is different than it was, but different like a girl's, my little figure I had, was becoming more of one, and when I felt my skin, it was very soft, and sent tingles through my whole body. I wonder just what the doctor will find, when I go for my physical. I got in to my night clothes, and wiped out the tub, and put the towel in the hamper. Making sure everything was clean, and I hadn't left any clothes, I went to my room. I got in bed, and covered up. Mrs. Granger came in just then.

"Good night, sweetie. Do you have a hanky?" I nodded yes. "Good girl."

"Mrs. Granger, When I was through with my bath, I looked at myself in the mirror. I saw what you were saying, and I thought the little figure I had, was just something that happens now and then, but tonight it seemed like it had gotten more shapely."

"Dear, like I said, you are going through female puberty. There are some girls that start having their periods around nine years old, and some don't get them until way in their mid teens. You are developing right on schedule. I want you to sleep well tonight, because tomorrow, you will have a real family that loves you. Good night, dear, and sweet dreams." She kissed me on the forehead, and I drifted off to sleep. I didn't dream, like I usually do, when something important is about to happen.

"Sue, are you awake? It's time to get up, dear. Come on, I see those eyes opening."

"Good morning, Mrs. Granger. Is anyone in the bath room?"

"No dear, Bobbie has already had her bath, and so have I and Mr. Granger. But Sue, when we get back here from court, do you think you could call me mom or even mother?" I gave her a big hug, and started crying. She sat down on the bed with me, and brushed my hair out of my eyes. Just then Bobbie came in.

"What's going on, mother?"

"She's just happy. I asked her if she could call me mom or mother when we get back from court, and she just started crying. I think she is going to love it here."

Bobbie came over by us, and sat on the other side of me. "Sis, we are a family that does things together, and when someone in the family is sad, we all want to just sit and comfort that person until they're happy again. Your hormones are getting the best of you right now, because you can cry so easily. That's a good thing, because it shows you have a genuine, pure heart. So, if you ever need to talk, I am always ready to listen. I may not know what to say a lot of times, but I am a very good listener."

"Thank you all, for being so nice to me. I think I had better get my bath. Bobbie, Mrs. Granger, will you pick out something nice for me? I want to look very nice for court today."

"We thought you'd never ask." We giggled and Mrs. Granger did that nose rubbing thing again, and I went to take my bath.

One thing I noticed about Bobbie and her mother, is that they get along like best friends, instead of mother and daugter. Is that the way it's supposed to be? I sat there thinking what it would be like to have a parent as a best friend. I must have been daydreaming, because Mrs. Granger came in, and tapped me on the shoulder.

"Huh? Oh, I am so sorry, I must have been daydreaming."

"That's quite all right, dear, I get lost in the bubbles too. What were you daydreaming about?"

She wanted to know what I was daydreaming about, my mother never cared. "I was just thinking that you and Bobbie seem to be best friends instead of mother and daughter. I was just thinking how nice it would be if I had a parent that was my best friend."

"Well tell you what. We can all be best friends, because we can never have too many friends. Sue, you are going to love it here, because you will be allowed to have sleepovers, go to sleepoevers, we will go shopping together, just the three of us, and I do make Bobbie's dresses and skirts now and then. Would you like me to make some for you too?"

"Oh really? You would do that for me?"

"Yes sis, she would do that for you, because she does it for me. It is going to be so nice having a sister here. Then I can have someone my age to talk to about that boy in class, that I have had my eye on. Ooops."

"Ooops is right young lady. What boy in class? You never told me about any boy."

"Well mother, it isn't that we are going steady or anything, I just have this crush on one of the boys in my class. His name is David, and he is really nice."

"So! The hormones start going wild, and we are all of a sudden interested in boys, huh. You know what? It makes me want to be young again." We all giggled, and I got out of the tub, and dried off.

Mrs. Granger and Bobbie stayed with me, until I dried off, and I had wrapped the towel around me. We all went to my room, and I saw what they had laid out for me. I put lotion all over me, and asked Bobbie if she would put some on my back. She did. Then I powdered down, and started getting dressed. After I had my panties, training bra, and full slip on, I sat down to do my makeup.

"Just a little mascara, no eye shadow, and only a light lipstick. Something like a soft pink, or fuschia."

I dusted a little powder over my face, that took the shine off of my nose and cheeks. I put on the mascara, and left the lipstick for after breakfast. I picked up the lavender dress, and stepped into it. Bobbie zipped it up, and I put on a pair of knee high socks. I stepped into my Mary Jane's, and we all went down to breakfast. The effect of my knees showing between the tops of the socks, and the hem of the dress, was just what I was looking for. The look wasn't lost on Mr. Granger, either.

"Wow, Susan, you look very pretty this morning."

"Thank you, sir," I said, doing a demure curtsy.

"All right girls, what would like for breakfast?"

"I just want a piece of jelly toast, and juice and milk."

"Bobbie?"

"Oh, the same."

"What have I got here, a bird family?" We all giggled, and Mrs. Granger made the breakfast. I guess her and Mr. Granger already ate.

We sat there talking about what it was like in the Granger family. I was told that on Thanksgiving, we had a big turkey, because there were guests that were always invited. During Christmas we went around singing Christmas carols through the neighborhood. And we always waited up til midnight on New Year's eve, to say happy new year to everybody. I was told that everybody helped with the house work, because it got done faster, and we could enjoy quality family time together. This was the kind of family that I wanted. A family that did things together.

Just as we put our cups in the sink, we heard a car horn outside. That was followed by the ringing of the doorbell. Mrs. Granger answered the door, and it was Cindy telling us we needed to get going. I got my coat on, and went out in the car. Mr. Marks told me that we had nothing to worry about, because he had talked to Mrs. Beale about what he had seen last night, and she said she would like to see this for herself.

He also said that once this 'evidence' is shown to the court, Mrs. Beale will approve of me living with the Grangers. Now, I didn't know Mrs. Beale all that well, just by name, but whenever it had something to do with me, my mother always got her way. Mrs. Beale wasn't the approving kind. I'm going to have to be very careful today, because my mother is very sneaky, and so is Mrs. Beale.

It took us a while to get out to the children's court complex. This, I was told, is also where the juvenile detention center is. Mr. Marks was able to find a parking spot almost on top of the front door. We got out of the car, and waited for everybody, and we went in. We walked down a hallway, that led to the court section. There were three courtrooms here. Each courtroom had a window that you registered at. Mr. Marks gave my name at courtroom two. We were told to have a seat, and we waited. Mr. Marks was talking to me about what probably would happen first. That is, the judge would start talking first, and then take testimony from my mother, Mrs. Beale, and if he called on Dr. Johnston, Mr. Marks said he was going to move that the doctor be disqualified, and his report stricken from the record.

There was a glass window between us, my mother, Mrs. Beale, and Dr. Johnston, who just had that smug look on his face. I told Mr. Marks about this, and he said no to worry. Finally, we were all called into the courtroom. We went in and sat down. Mr. Marks showed me where to sit, for effect, he whispered.

Part II - The hearing.

"Good morning everyone. I'm judge Christine Reynolds, and I will be hearing this petition. I have read the petition, and this is an unusual case. Now, I also see we have witnesses here too, as well as character reports from the minor's school. I would ask now, Mr. Marks, if you have any motions you would like the court to look at?"

"Yes, your honor. There is a motion before the court, to have Dr. Edward Johnston disqualified as a witness, and his report stricken from the record."

"On what grounds, Mr. Marks?"

"Because your honor, Dr. Johnston only saw the minor for a total of fifteen minutes, and when the minor said that being a girl wasn't a problem to her, Dr. Johnston yelled at the minor to, and I quote, "get out of my office, I never want to see you again."

"Dr. Johnston, is this true?"

"Yes, your honor."

"Why did you say that? This minor is only twelve years old. I would have assumed that you would have been interested to find out why the child didn't consider being a girl as a problem."

"Well, I was wanting to make sure that this child was what society demanded of him, and when he said it wasn't a problem, I got angry."

"You got angry at a child? What part of psychiatry do you specialize in?"

"Child psychiatry, your honor."

"But, you didn't treat the child, did you? You only interviewed the child for fifteen minutes."

"Yes, your honor."

"The motion by the child's counsel to disqualify Dr. Edward Johnston, MD, from being a witness, and to have his report stricken from the record, is granted. And Dr. Johnston, I will do this again, if I ever find you have done something similar to another child. You are dismissed Dr. Johnston, and here is your report. Take it with you."

"Mr. Marks, are there any other motions, you would like the court to hear?"

"Only the relief we are seeking in the petition, your honor."

"Very well. Mrs. Beale, do you have anything to say about this petition?"

"Yes, your honor, but I was told by Mr. Marks, that there will be evidence presented to the court, that will prove this child is female."

"Mr. Marks?"

"Yes, your honor. I have a request of the court to let us indulge a little here. The evidence your honor, is the child herself. I just looked around the courtroom, and I don't see anybody here, that doesn't belong.

"If your honor please, this involves a slight undressing of the upper body of the child, and since she is wearing a dress, I would like this to be done in chambers. The only people I want in there besides the court reporter, is the child's mother, and Mrs. Beale."

"Is this evidence crucial to your case, Mr. Marks?"

"Very crucial, your honor."

"Very well, we will adjourn to chambers to see this evidence. Young lady, may I say you look very pretty today." She actually smiled when she said that. I didn't see the look on my mother's face, but I could guess.

"Thank you, ma'am," I said, doing a polite curtsy.

We went in to the judge's chambers, and she sat down at a huge desk. We all sat in the chairs in front of her.

"Now, Mr. Marks, what is the evidence you wish to show the court?"

"Susan, will you please, just bring the top of the dress down a bit?"

"Will you help me unzip it, please?" He did.

I let the top of the dress down a bit, and I also took my arms out of the straps of the slip.

"Will you please take off your bra, young lady?" I unhooked the bra, and held it in my hand. "I don't need to see any more. Thank you, young lady, that was very brave. Put your clothes back on now."

"Mrs. Kelly, what I see here is a young girl. Why have you been so adamant in making her behave, and dress like a boy?"

"Because he has the necessary parts. I have changed his diapers when he was a baby, and I buy all his clothes. I..."

"Okay, let us go back in the courtroom." Once we were all seated in the courtroom, the judge started talking to my mother again. "Now Mrs. Kelly, I know you may think this child is a boy, because of the outer genitalia, but what I saw in chambers is a developing young girl. Even her voice is high. Tell me, young lady, does your throat get scratchy, like your voice doesn't sound quite right?"

"Yes, ma'am. Then my voice sounds like I have a cold, or something."

"That is your voice changing, dear. In another month, maybe even two, you should have a wonderful high voice. I can actually hear it now, a little."

"Your honor, I object to all of this."

"Mr. Connors. And what exactly are you objecting too?"

"This is evidently a trick of counsel, to get his petition granted. I..."

"A trick of counsel, Mr. Connors? Are you saying that what I saw in chambers, isn't what I saw? Are you saying that Mr. Marks hypnotized me into thinking I only saw and heard a young lady?"

"Well....yes."

"Mr. Connors, I will put this up for consideration. Would you object to my ordering this child to have a complete physical examination, complete with blood work?"

"No, your honor, because such a physical examination will only prove the mother's position."

"It will? All right then, it is hereby ordered that this child be taken to a medical doctor, to have a physical examination, and blood work done. I want enzymes, and hormone count. Does thaty satisfy you, Mr. Connors?"

"Yes, your honor."

Very well, it is so ordered. It is also ordered that the child will continue living with the Grangers, until this matter is settled. Mrs. Granger, will you take the child for her physical?

"Yes, your honor. I was just telling Susan that that is what I intended on doing anyway."

"That is good. You seem to be right on top of things as usual. All right, this court is adjourned."

Dang tears, they seem to come at the worst times. We sat on the bench just outside of the changing rooms, and I didn't care if others saw me or not. I was happy, and I am a girl, and I had a right to cry whereever I wanted to, for whatever reason. Bobbie sat on one side of me, and Cindy on the other. They held me from both sides, to show they were very serious about being there for me.
 

What Mother Didn't Know
Chapter Thirteen
Susan gets good news
By Barbara Lynn Terry
 

---

 
Mr. Marks put his finger to his lips, telling us not to say anything. When we got outside in his car, he turned to me.

"Sue, all this means is, that we will have to come back after you have your physical. You lucked out in getting Judge Reynolds, because she is very fair, and she will want you to say something when she is through with everyone else. It's like in an adult court, where the defendant speaks last. But here, we not only have a chance, but what she saw with you in her chambers, means that we have already won. She just wants the physical examination report, so that the public defender can't counter what the doctor will say in the report. I know James Connors, and he will try anything once. I did all I could from laughing when he told the judge I had hypnotized her. That was really funny. Tell you what, I said we were going out to eat after court. Where do you want to go, Sue?"

"How about IHOP? I like eating there."

"IHOP it is. Susan, you are going to have to see a regular doctor for your physical. Have you ever had a physical before?"

"No sir. I haven't even seen a doctor, except Dr. Johnston."

"You never had a physical? What did your mother give the school when she enrolled you?"

"I don't know."

"All right, after this physical, I am going to ask Mrs. Schwartz to look for your physical report. If there isn't one in the file, we will give her a copy of this one. Mrs. Granger, when will you take Susan for her physical?"

"Tomorrow, I have already made the appointment, even before we went to court. And it's Anna."

"All right, Anna. Will you make sure that we have three copies of the physical report?"

"I certainly will."

We got to IHOP, and Mr. Marks parked almost in the back. We walked to the front door, and went in. The hostess greeted us, and took us to our seats. She handed us our menus, and a waitress came over with our water. She asked if we were ready to order, and we said we'd need a few minutes. I asked if I could have the two pancakes, toast, and milk. Everybody said that sounded good, so when the waitress came back, we ordered that. The waitress left to put our orders up.

We talked while we waited. Mrs. Marks said that Cindy was really worried that the judge wouldn't let me live with Bobbie's family, but her husband had said we had already won, because the judge was able to see me as I really am in her chambers. All she is waiting for is the physical report before she makes her decision. But Mr. Marks said I will be living with the Grangers, and that Mrs. Granger has a lot of repsect in the children's court, because of all the children she has fostered temporarily. So we had nothing to worry about.

The waitress brought our orders, and we sat there and ate. Bobbie wanted to know, that since it is only one o'clock, if we could all go shopping. The adult men seemed to hem and haw about having other things to do, but that Mr. Marks would drop us at home, so Bobbie's mother could get their car. We kinda giggled, because everytime a woman mentions shopping, the guys get this 'I have something else to do' attitude. We continued a while after we were through eating, because the adults had ordered more coffee. Then about ten minutes later, Mr. Marks paid the bill, and we went out to his car. Once we were all in, he backed out of the space, and we headed for home.

All he was doing was taking us home, so we could get Mrs. Granger's car, and go shopping. On the way home, Mrs. Granger asked me if I wanted to stay in my dress, or did I want to change into something else.

"Mom," I said, looking like I did something wrong. "I don't need to change. It is easier getting out of a dress to try something on, than it is jeans and a shirt."

"You are so right, dear. When we get home, I want to get something from inside the house, and then we can go to the mall. Cindy, do you want to come too?"

"Yes, Mrs. Granger, I would really like that."

"And what about your mother? Do you think she would like to come too?"

"Oh, not me, Anna. I have to start getting dinner ready, and since you were all kind enough to have us over last night, why don't you come over and have dinner with us tonight. Besides I think Mr. Marks may still want to talk to all of us about court."

"Yes I do, actually. But you ladies go and have a good time shopping. I'm sure Mr. Granger and I can find something to keep us busy in the meantime." We all giggled, and poor dad and Mr. Marks looked puzzled.

DAD. I like the sound of that. I never had a father in the house, and I even called Mrs. Granger mom, and she didn't even correct me. Could it be, that I have found the family that I need so much. I mean, auntie Caroline and her family are really nice too, and I do have a lot of friends up north, but I would really rather be here. Maybe, we can all move up north. Maybe. Anyway that was something to think about. Maybe I can talk to them at dinner about it. I mean, here in the city, I had Bobbie and Cindy, and a few other friends, but mostly, I just hung around with Bobbie and Cindy. I guess that was because they were both very instrumental in getting those creeps off of me last year, when my mother said I had to go to school here. I had only been up north for the summer. Since then, Bobbie, Cindy, and I became as close as sisters.

We got to our house, and we got out, and waited for mom to get what she needed, and get to the mall. When she came out of the house, she said let's go, and we all piled in the car. We dropped Cindy's mother off at their house, so she could get the dinner going, and we headed for Southridge.

The Southridge Shopping Center, was located on the city's south side. and there were a lot of ways to get there. We took South twenty-seventh street, and turned into the parking area. I guess it didn't matter where we parked, because the parking lot was the same size as any super market's. We all got out of the car, and waited until we were all together, and then we went in to J.C. Penny's. That was the only department store in the chain of stores in the center. We all went to the ladies wear department, and right away Bobbie, Cindy, and I got carried away. I went over to the dresses, and was looking at them, taking a few off of the rack and holding them up in front of me, to see how they would look. I chose three to try on, and went to the changing room.

The first one I tried on, was a sort of party dress, and was lavender in color, and had lace on the front, the short, puffed out sleeves, and the hem. Okay, so it was a little on the ultra girly side. Who cares. I have a right to be ultra girly. I giggled out loud, and Bobbie heard that. She peeked in so she could see what I was giggling at, but nobody else could see in.

"Oh my gosh, sis! That is the prettiest dress I have ever seen. I'm jealous." We both giggled, and then she told Cindy she had to see it. When she peeked in, she let out an audible gasp.

"Oh my gosh, girl, you are going to knock the boys down with that dress." Mom came over to see what all the excitement was about.

"Wow! Susan, you look absolutely beautiful. I need to get a picture."

"Mom, I don't have the right shoes for this dress, and the picture would be off because of that."

"You're right, dear. Let's find a nice pair of shoes to go with the dress, and then I want a picture."

Oh uhm, yes, when mom went in the house, that was to get her camera. Still wearing the dress, we went over to the shoe section, and we picked out a nice pair of lavender pumps, with one inch heels. I tried them on, and they fit perfectly. We took them over to the changing room, and mother took a picture of me standing in the middle, and Bobbie and Cindy on either side of me.

"Susan, you look like a darling angel. This is how you should look. You're a girl, and you should be allowed to show it off. When we get home, I want to do something with your hair, and then take another picture. All right, take the dress off, and let's look around at a few more."

"I have two others to try on yet, mother. I know that I want this one."

She smiled at me and told me to try the others on. They weren't nearly as breathtaking as the first one, but I was looking for school dresses. The next dress was periwinkle, and came to my knees. The upper part hugged my body perfectly. I did a twirl in the changing room, and watched how the dress fanned out. Perfect. I wanted this one. The next dress was knee length too, and had a scoop neck, and gathered at the waist where it met the bodice. I did a twirl in this one too, and it fanned out perfectly. The cream color matched my complexion perfectly. I took this one, also. After getting back in my regular clothes, I took the dresses out, and laid them neatly in the shopping cart, along with the shoes.

After I had tried on these three, we went looking at more. I told Bobbie it was her turn, and she said that she really didn't want anything right now. I asked Cindy if she wanted to try on a few things, and she also said no.

"Girlfriend, the reason I wanted to go shopping, was so we could be here for you, when you tried on your new clothes. This shopping trip is for you."

"Sis, you need clothes. All the hand me downs will still work, but you need clothes you can actually call your own. We're here for you."

I broke down. Dang tears, they seem to come at the worst times. We sat on the bench just outside of the changing rooms, and I didn't care if others saw me or not. I was happy, and I am a girl, and I had a right to cry whereever I wanted to, for whatever reason. Bobbie sat on one side of me, and Cindy on the other. They held me from both sides, to show they were very serious about being there for me. Mom came over, and she just smiled, and handed me a tissue.

"Would you like to look at more dresses, dear?"

"Yes, mom."

I wiped my eyes, and then told everybody I needed to go to the ladies room to fix what little makeup I was wearing. I only wore a little makeup to court, because I wanted the judge to see me. I really did like this judge, because she wasn't going for any courtroom tricks, as Cindy's father called them. Bobbie, Cindy, and I went in the ladies room, and I had to use the stall first, and then after washing my hands, I repaired my makeup. My mother never knew I was paying such close attention, when I watched her take her makeup off, or put it on.

After repairing my makeup, we all went out and looked at more dresses and skirts sets. We also looked at separates so we could mix and match them. Mom let me get three more skirt sets, and three more skirts and separate tops. Next we looked at shoes, and mom let me get four pair. The skirts sets were very pretty, and in colors from black, turquoise, white with flower motifs on the front of the skirt and the top of the pullover. The separates, we got in brown, teal, and Socttish plaid with a matching top for each.

Mom paid the lady, and we took our purchases out to the car. This was nice compared to having to take the bus everywhere. We went home, and Bobbie, Cindy and I, went up to my room and put my things away. Then we just sat in my room talking mostly girl talk. Bobbie asked Cindy if her father had said anything about going back to court yet, and she said no, because he was waiting for copies of the tests. She reminded me that tomorrow mother was taking me to have the blood drawn for the testing. I wasn't afraid, but I did wonder if they were going to do any other testing.

Mom called us all down for dinner, and when we got to the table, father said grace, and we sat down and passed the food around. We had meatloaf, mashed potaotes, peas, milk for us and coffee for the adults, and for dessert, we had Dutch apple pie. As we finished dinner, the doorbell rang, and Bobbie's father answered it. It was Cindy's dad, and he had good news.

"We have a doctor that wants to take x-rays of your entire body, and wants to examine your private area, because he says it just might be possible, that you don't have any testicles. The testicles are what produce the male hormone testosterone, and that gives us our muscles, body and face hair, as well as the rugged male look, and our deeper, low voice range. At your age Susan, you should be exhibiting some of these features, and your voice that is changing, should be changing to a deeper tone, and low range. Instead, your voice is getting higher. Now we have known you since before you children started kindergarten. All of us here with you now, are convinced that you are turning into a young woman, because we believe you are going through female puberty. One more thing. Some boys and girls are what we call late bloomers; that is, they start puberty later on in their mid to late teens.

"You have already started puberty, and on time too. That is why you are dveloping breasts, and your voice is getting higher. The androgen in your body is just enough to give you the penis of a male, but not high enough to make you grow into a man. You will grow into a beautiful young woman, Susan, and we are all here for you. So what do you think? Will you go and see this doctor?"

"Yes sir, I will. I want to know too what is going on with my body. If I am growing into a young woman, then that is who I will have to be. I always knew I was a girl in here," I said, pointing to my heart.

"We agree with that. So we will do everything we can to see to it that you get your chance to grow normally."

"Then I will be happy to see this doctor."

"There is one more thing though. Your mother's attorney has a right to hire their own expert. But, if their expert finds the same things that our expert finds, then your mother will have two choices. Either raise you as her daughter, or sign away her parental rights, and let the Grangers raise you, along with Bobbie. So, if your mother's attorney does hire their own expert, you will have to see him too. But he can't see you, without me being there."

"If I have to, then I guess I have to. But if you're going to be there, then I will have nothing to be afraid of. Will you be watching this doctor examine me?"

"No, I will have my back turned all the time, but I have to be in the same room, so this doctor doesn't try anything, like get you to change your mind."

"I wouldn't change my mind anyway."

"I know, Susan, but there are some doctors hired by the opposing side, that will attempt to try anything. If I hear anything like that, I will put a stop to the examination immediately, and report him to the court. After I get my copies of the examination, I will go and get us another court date from the clerk. But right now, we have testing to get through. Just look at it like a school test. You don't really want to do it, but you know it's necessary."

We sat around and I told Mr. Marks about what I got at the store, and he said only a woman shops like that. I just sat there and smiled, and finally I kissed and hugged mom and dad, and Bobbie and I went up to bed. Tomorrow was going to be a very busy day.

---

 
To Be Continued...

"Doctor, are you saying that I am a real girl?"
 
What Mother Didn't Know
Chapter Fourteen
Susan gets her medical examination
By Barbara Lynn Terry
 

---

 
Mom came in and woke me up, telling me that I needed to get ready to go to the doctor. I swung my legs out from under the covers, and just stretched and yawned a little. I went to my dresser, and got out a set of basic white undergarments, and a nice pair of knee high socks. I went to my closet, and took out my turquoise skirt set. I picked up a pair of black striders (flat heeled shoes). I laid the clothes on the bed, and the shoes right under them. I put my robe on, and went to take my bath. I wanted to smell sweet for the doctor. I put a cap full of violet bubble bath in the running water, and brushed my teeth. When I was finished, the tub was full, with a mountain of suds. Oooooooo the bubbles felt really fantastic and relaxing. I just sat there wondering what a physical was all about. Mother had never taken me to a doctor, even when I had a cold. She just went to the drug store and got cold medicines that helped, but not all that great. So I have never been to a doctor.

I was also going to get x-rays too, and I had no idea what they even were. I guess I was going to find out, though. I sat there, washing all over, and not in any real hurry. When I was finished, the water starting getting cold, so I pulled the plug. I stood up and rinsed what suds were left off with the shower, and got out and patted myself dry. I put on some lotion all over me, and then sprinkled a little body powder over that. I smelled like a flower garden, and I loved it. I went in my room and started getting dressed. Mom came in just then, and asked me if she could brush my hair. I said yes, and she complimented me on my outfit.

"That is just the outfit to wear when seeing a doctor for this kind of examination. Now, a physical is when the doctor takes your temperature, pulse, and listens to your heart and lungs. He will also see if you have any hernias, but placing his hands down here," she pointed to between her legs. "Then he will have you cough. That tells him a lot. Then he uses a small rubber like hammer, that looks like an indian tomahawk. He will tap your knees a little, to see how your reflexes react. He will look in your ears, and your throat. Now, he will also have you walk a little in the exam room. This tells him what your coordination is like. Something like if you walk straight, or a little off kilter.

"The x-rays will show the doctor what your skeleton is like. You are going to have x-rays taken of your chest, your abdomen, arms, and legs. Now, if your skeleton shows what we think it will show, your mother is going to have a lot of questions to answer from the judge. You see Susan, we have all accepted you as the girl you are, because we are convinced that is what you are. You can't start puberty the way you have, and not be who you are. Your voice is high like a girl's, and you are developing breasts too. You are not bulging out like a boy, but you are getting wider hips, and you actually have a noticeable figure like a girl too. You are growing up, but you are growing up like a girl. So we have all come to the conclusion that you are a girl, both physically, as well as genetically. I know this will prove to be the case, and if that is what it is, then you will have to be put in the hospital for a surgical procedure to open your vagina. Has your mother ever told you about when you were born?"

"No mom, she hasn't. She has never even talked about it."

"Well then, I think your mother knows you are a girl, but wants to keep the "son" part going, so she can brag about having a son. Now testicles are solid objects, and they will appear on x-rays. If the x-rays don't show any testicles in your groin area, then you have ovaries, and if that is the case, we need to get you in to the operating room, as quickly as possible, because you will need to be opened up for your period to flow out of your body. Susan, you are very pretty, and boys don't get pretty, they get handsome. I think the physical, as well as the blood work and the x-rays will prove that."

"Do you think I'm a real girl, then?"

"Yes sweetie, I certainly do." She gave me a hug, and told me to get my shoes on, and we will go down to breakfast.

At breakfast, I told Bobbie what mom had said upstairs, and she said she agreed with her. I was always wondering why everybody accepted me as a girl, but hey, if they accepted me as a girl, then why not be that girl. I ate one egg, one slice of toast, a glass of milk, and a glass of orange juice. We had a lot of time to be at the doctor's for my physical, but I had to go to the hospital for my blood work, and x-rays. When we got to the hospital, we were directed to the lab, where they would draw the blood. When my name was called, I went and sat in a chair, and the lady told me to just relax, and lay one of my arms on the arm of the chair. She took out six glass tubes, and laid them on the little table next to the chair.

"Are you afraid of needles, dear?"

"No ma'am."

"All right, I am using a small needle called a butterfly. I will find a vein, and then insert the needle, and then the blood will run in to these tubes."

She tied a rubber thing around my arm, and started tapping here and there. She said she found a nice vein, and was going to insert the needle. I felt like I was going to go through the ceiling, because when she put the needle in, it hurt a lot. Then the blood starting going in one tube, and then next, and next, until all six of them were filled. She then put a cotton ball over the needle, and took the needle out.

"Put your finger on the cotton, dear, and just hold it there, until I can get a band aid."

I put my finger over the cotton, and then she just put a piece of tape over it, and said I was done. I walked out to the waiting room, and mom, Bobbie, and I left to get my x-rays. When we got to the radiology department, mom gave the lady my name, and we were told to have a seat, because someone would be calling for me. I was called about fifteen minutes later, and I went in this room, where there was a table, and a plate, where the person stood to have x-rays taken of the chest, back, and arms. But the lady said that because of the type of x-rays needed, I would be lying on the table. She put a sheet over the table, and had me lie down.

She placed the machine over my chest, and made sure the lines were where she wanted them, and then went in another room. She told me to take a deep breath and hold it. I heard a buzzing, then she said I could breathe. Then she took the machine and placed it over my left arm, and then she put something under the arm. She went in the small room again, but this I didn't have to hold my breath. She came out, and removed the thing from under my arm, and then she did the same with my right arm. Then she took and moved the machine over my groin area, and told me to be very still. She went in the small room again, and then I heard the buzzing. She said all right just five more to go. By now I was thoroughly bored.

She placed the machine over the top of my left leg, and put something under it, and told me to be very still. I heard the buzzing four more times, and both legs were done. Then she took a plate of film and put it under my back right under my abdomen. I heard more buzzing, then she said I could sit up, after she moved the machine out of the way. After she checked the x-rays, she said I could leave. I went out to the waiting area, and mom, Bobbie and I, left to go and have a little lunch. While we ate our salads, mom asked me what I thought of the x-ray room.

"Well, to be quite honest about it, I was very bored."

"Yes, it is boring in there. But all the x-rays that were taken, are necessary for us to prove that you are a girl."

"How can they tell that, by looking at the x-rays?"

"Because a girl's skeleton is very different than a boy's. You will see when we get back to court, and Mr. Marks calls his expert to testify. And because you are starting your puberty on time, you will see a very big difference. Well, are we ready to meet Mr. Marks at the doctor's office?" We all said yes, and we left to go get my physical examination.

When we got to the doctor's office parking lot, Mr. Marks was waiting for us. He came over to me, and put his on my shoulder.

"Susan, I will be in the exam room, on the other side of the exam curtain. If this doctor whispers anything in your ear, you let me know immediately. I mean he is our expert, but that doesn't mean anything until the examination is over, and he testifies. When the examination is over, I'll take everybody out to eat. Would you like that Susan?"

"Oh yes, Mr. Marks. Thank you, for everything."

"You are quite welcome, young lady."

We went in to the doctor's waiting room, and registered with the receptionist. She told us to have a seat, and the doctor would be with us momentarily. We waited about fifteen minutes, and then a man in a white jacket called me in to the exam room. Mr. Marks introduced himself, and said that because this was a children's court investigation, and I was a minor, he would have to be in the exam room with me. He did tell the doctor that he would be just outside the exam curtain. The doctor said that was fine, and he led us both inside the room. He drew the curtain closed, and then he said for me to take off all of my clothes, except my underthings, and put on the gown he handed me. He closed the curtain and stepped out. I changed out of my clothes, and put on the gown, and told him I was ready.

He came back in, and the first thing he did was take my temperature. He wrote it down on a form. He took my pulse next, and wrote that on the same form. Then he had me open my mouth and he took a small wooden thing, and pressed down on my tongue. He wrote something on the same form. This form was going to be used for everything he did in the examination. Next he looked my ears with a small light he wore on his head. "Cleanest ears I've ever seen." I giggled, and he just smiled. Next he took a small flashlight and looked in my eyes. I blinked several times, and he wrote something again. Then he listened to my heart, and my lungs, and I had to take deep breaths. He wrote something down. Then he had me cross my legs, and he took out that funny looking hammer thing, and tapped my knees with it. When I kicked, he said 'good', and did the same thing with the other knee.

Then he said that because I had a male body, he had to check for hernias, and he had me lower my panties. He put his right hand between my legs, and pressed a little here, and a little there, then he pressed inward, and told me to cough. He was satisfied that I didn't have any hernias. He told me to get dressed, and meet him by his desk.

"Well young lady, you are very physically fit, for a young girl. I say that because I noticed that you are developing breasts, and your voice is high like a girl's, and I was very surprised that you are missing two things that would make you unmistakenly male. You don't have any testicles. In fact, where they should be is void. When I pressed my fingers in your groin to check for hernias, I discovered that you have a very soft spot there. That tells me that you have a kind of male birth defect covering a vaginal opening. Mr. Marks, we need to get the child in the O.R. as quickly as we can. If we don't open that vaginal opening, it could make the child seriously ill."

"Doctor, are you saying that I am a real girl?"

"Yes young lady, I am. Have you ever seen a doctor before now?"

"No sir."

"Not even for your school immunizations?"

"School what?"

"Never mind, you just answered my question. How has this child gotten so far in school then, without anyone ever finding out?"

"That is what we are going to find out, doctor. I need three copies of this report, and you will receive a subpoena from a process server. Just let your receptionist know."

"I will, and good luck young lady. I will see you in court."

He smiled, and I said thank you, and we left. When we got out in the parking lot, Mr. Marks told Bobbie's mom what the doctor had said.

"I knew I was right. That woman has a lot of explaining to do."

"She sure has. The doctor also said we need to get Susan in the hospital as quickly as we can, so they can open the vagina. He said if we didn't, she could become very ill. I will call the court, and have Judge Reynolds issue an order for that. Then the birth mother won't be able to object."

"Good. In the meantime, she will be well looked after," Bobbie's mother added.

"She sure will be, by both you and Bobbie, and Cindy and us as well. Susan, you don't have to worry any more, because of what the doctor said, and I have to have the x-rays explained to me, and if they show what I know they're going to show, we will get you and your sister away from your birth mother. Would you like your little sister to live with you at the Grangers?"

"Oh yes, Mr. Marks. My mother doesn't deserve anyone as beautiful, and innocent as my little baby sister. Besides, if she were here, then we could all take turns looking after her too." I saw him smile.

"Well then young lady, I will push for that in my closing statements to the court. With the evidence we are going to present, your birth mother doesn't stand a chance, and she may be lucky if she doesn't get charged with child abuse. I have an idea. What say I get in touch with the AMA and see if the doctor who delivered you is still alive. And if he is, I want to subpoena him to testify. Now since he is living in another state, and this isn't a criminal investigation, yet, I can't force him to come here. But if he is an honest doctor, then he will be happy to come and testify. I am also going to amend my petition, to include your sister. What is her first name?"

"Angela."

"All right, on second thought, I will amend my petition to include Angela. Your birth mother seems to want to play hardball, but doesn't know the rules of the game. But we will teach her."

We got into our cars, after agreeing on Perkins Pancake House for a place to eat. It seemed like a long, long drive to the restaurant. I sat there thinking how wonderful it would be, if Angela and I lived with Bobbie and her parents. They were very decent people, and they cared about others, even others they didn't know. I was far away, in some distant land, when we got to the restaurant, and Bobbie had to jerk me back to the present.

"Girlfriend, where were you just now? You had that far away look in your eyes."

"I was just thinking how great it would be to have Angela living with us permanently. You know Angela, Bobbie, you have seen her lots of times when you came over."

"I sure have, and mom, Angela is the cutest thing. You'll fall in love with her the second you see her.

We all went inside, and the hostess seated us. She gave us our menus, and said our waitress would be right with us. She no sooner left, than a lady with firey red hair, and emrald green eyes came over with our water glasses. Her name tag read Mandy. She asked us if we were ready to order, and I looked at the menu, and they had dollar sized pancakes, two strips of bacon, two eggs, and toast. I said I would have that, and everybody agreed. She wrote our orders down, and said thank you, as she took our menus. We also odered milk for Bobbie and me, and the adults ordered coffee.

She brought the milk and coffee almost immediately, and we sat there talking about what the next step was. Cindy's dad said the next step was to go back in court, and show the judge the evidence, and declare my mother unfit to raise children. I felt sorry for her though. I mean, I couldn't understand why she was so mean, and treated me like I was yesterday's garbage.

Mandy brought our orders, and we sat there and ate. Mr. Marks wanted to know what I was doing in school, and I told him about my little routine on the uneven parallel bars. Mom (that's what I am calling Mrs. Granger now), looked surprised that I was doing the things that only girls can do, without hurting themselves. But I also said maybe I won't be hurting myself, because I am a girl, and there is nothing there to hurt. They all agreed, and I told them about the papers I had to write, and the compliment I got in homeroom. They all smiled, and said they were very happy for me. Now the rest is up to Mr. Marks and the judge, to put my birth mother in her place.
 

---

 
To Be Continued...

"Objection, your honor. There is no evidence presented that says the minor child has XX chromosomes."

"Over Ruled. Mr. Marks has filed his medical reports on the blood work, the physical examination, the x-rays, and the hospital procedure to remove the useless layers of skin covering the child's vaginal opening. Now, Mr. Connors, if you keep objecting, knowing that we have irrefutable medical evidence showing this child to be genetically female, I will hold you in contempt!"
 

 

---

 
Mr. Marks paid the bill, and we went out to the cars. There were hugs all around, and we all went home. As I got in the house, I went to my room, to think, well actually to brood. I'm a real girl, I thought to myself, and I just need a little help to make it complete. I went to the dictionary, and looked up the word hermaphrodite. It said that was a person born with both sets of genitals. I'm going to have to go to the library tomorrow, and read about this. I had a lot to think about. I had to think about what the doctor had said. I needed to know if it was possible for me, to...I heard the phone ring, and crept by the stairs to listen.

"Tomorrow at eight in the morning. How did you do this so fast? We just got home. Mr. Marks, or is it Clarence Darrow? I swear you are full of surprises. I will make sure she gets there. Uhm, I am just really surprised that you got this so quickly. I see. Yes. I'm sure you will. Good night, Mr. uhm, Clarence Darrow."

"I know you were listening you little minx. Would you come down here a moment?" I went downstairs, and Bobbie followed me. "That was Mr. Marks, and he has phoned the court, and the clerk put him right through to the judge. Judge Reynolds has issued what is called a writ of habeas corpus. That's latin for 'to produce the body'. I am to take you to the hospital in the morning, and you are going to be admitted. Then a doctor, whom Mr. Marks knows very well, will correct your birth defect. When you are healed, and it shouldn't take any time at all, because it is just a simple removal of the graft of skin covering your vagina.

"When that is done, you will be in the hospital not only to heal, but so they can run some more tests, to see if your female parts are working correctly. Mr. Marks said the doctor wants to see if being closed this long has made you sterile. Mr. Marks said the doctor doesn't think so, because you are just starting puberty. So young lady, by tomorrow night you will not have any more birth defect. So, no water or anything else to drink, and nothing to eat after midnight. I don't know how Mr. Marks pulled this off, but he did. He also said we can use the doctor to testify in court, and, that will be the last straw for your mother. She kept you as a boy, and I agree with Bobbie and the girls. Your mother just wanted a son she could brag about. So, young lady, go wash your face, you have been crying, and now that we know the truth, you don't ever need to cry about this again. When you have washed your face, come on back down, and we'll watch a little television."

I went upstairs, and Bobbie came with me. I washed my face, and looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were puffy and red from crying. I couldn't help it now, either, because I sat on the toilet and started again. Bobbie held me, and told me that everything from now on, was going to be all right. After washing my face, I went in my room, and got in to my nightgown, panties, slippers, and robe. Bobbie and I went downstairs, and I sat next to mom, and curled up with my head in her lap. Bobbie looked at mom with sad concern. As I laid there, I could hear the television, but I wasn't interested in watching anything.

I was denied to be a little girl by my birth mother, because she was selfish and wanted a son to brag about. I just laid there until I fell asleep. I guess Bobbie's dad carried me upstairs, because in the morning, mom was waking me up, and telling me I needed to get my bath, and get dressed, because I had to be at the hospital at eight. I was up, and running my bath water, with just a cap full of rose bubble bath. I brushed my teeth, and the tub was full. I got in and washed all over, and pulled the plug, and got out. Bobbie handed me a towel, and I patted dry. I put on my lotion and body powder, and went to get dressed. Bobbie came with me to talk. We talked about this and that, and she said that she was happy I was a real sister now, and that tonight, I will have no birth defect making me look like a boy. I was happy in that we were getting to the bottom of this. I was acting like a girl, and wanting to be a girl, because I am a girl. There was one other thing I was afraid of, and that was what if someone at the hospital told the newspapers, or the television, or radio people. That would mean, everybody would know me, because my picture would be see by everyone in town. I said that to mom when we went downstairs, and she said they can't print my picture in the newspaper, or even show it on telelvison without a direct order from the judge, and we agree. She also said that we certainly are not going to agree. I said thank you, and it was time to go to the hospital.

We got to the hospital, and we all went inside. There was an outpatient desk, and an admitting desk, right next to each other. We went to the admitting side, and mom told the lady who I was, and she smiled, and said I was expected, and to just have a seat, because someone would right with me to take me to my room. We didn't have long to sit down, when a lady in a pink top came in with a wheelchair and called my name. I got up, and she said for me to get in the chair, and she would take me to my room. I was on the fourth floor, in a double room, but my roommate I was told was down, having x-rays taken. The nurse came right in as soon as I was in the bed, and took my pulse, temperature, and listened to my heart and lungs. She said her name was Marty (short for Martha), and she looked about the same age as my birth mother. She had nice sun yellow, blonde hair just past her shoulders, and she was always smiling.

"Welcome Susan, we have been expecting you. I know Mr. Marks very well, and he is a very nice man. We go over to their house for dinners and just visiting now and then. I was always wondering who the Susan was that Cindy kept talking about, and now I know. Being friends with the Marks, I know a little of what is going on. If you ever need to talk, sweetie, I am here for you."

"Thank you, Marty. I'm just happy that everything is coming out now though. I mean, I really can't say what being a little girl is like, because my birth mother never raised me that way. But I am going to know what being a girl is about now, though."

"Yes sweetie, and you just remember, I will be here for you. I work the six in the morning shift, to two in the afternoon. If you want, I can come up and visit with you while you are here. I'm sure Mr. Marks would like it, if someone who knows what's going on, would be here, so you don't feel alone. Would you like that?"

"Yes I would, Mandy. That would be very nice."

"Then I will talk to Mr. Marks abouot this, so he knows there is someone here for you."

"Thank you, Mandy."

"Not at all, Sue. Oh, where are my manners, you must be Mrs. Granger, and this is Bobbie. It is so nice to meet you. Mr. Marks said that outside of him, Cindy, and his wife, that your family was to be given information on how Sue is doing, because you are her temporary guardian."

"I hope I can be her mother, not just her guardian. She has been through a very traumatic young life, and we are seeing to it, that she isn't traumatized any more. And yes, this my other daughter Bobbie, and you can just call me Anna."

"Thank you, Anna. Well, I have to get to my other patients. I will be back, Sue."

I waved at her as she left, and I laid down under the covers. mom and Bobbie stayed with me, and then about an hour went by, and a man came in with another bed. He asked me if I could get up on the bed, because he was taking me to the O.R. He had on a green cloth cap, and a green gown covering his clothes. He said his name was Jeff, and he was the surgical nurse that would be helping Dr. Schneider.

I got on the bed, which was harder than the one I just got out of, and he wheeled me down to th eoperating room. mom and Bobbie followed us, and they were told they could sit in the theater, and watch if they wanted to. Mom and Bobbie just went ewwww, and they were shown to the O.R. waiting room. I was wheeled into the operating room, and a man in a similar outfit was waiting for us.

"Hello Susie, I'm doctor Schneider, and we are going to make you a whole person, if you know what that means?"

"Yes sir, I do. I have always wanted to be a whole person."

"Good. Now this is Mike, and he is going to give a little anesthetic to put you to sleep. When you wake up, you won't have that ugly birth defect, stopping from being who you really are. When you recover, and you are back in your room, I will come up and talk to you a little more. Are you ready to go to dreamland?"

I giggled a little, and said, "yes, sir."

Mike put this plastic thing over my nose and mouth, and told me to just breathe normally. The next thing I knew, I was in a different room, that had very bright lights, and a nurse came over to me.

"Well, I see that you're awake. I have to take your vitals, dear, and then we can talk some." She did the same thing Mandy did, but she didn't listen to my lungs. She went over by the desk, and wrote something down, and then she came back. "Hi Sue, I'm Debbie, and I want you to know that I think you are very brave for having been able to stand up for who you knew you are. Usually, these birth defects are taken care of at birth, but you seem to have had this since. I really don't understand why, but it is "fixed" now, and you are the girl you were born as.

"Dr. Schneider is a very good doctor, and he will make sure there is nothing wrong, before you go home. Listen to me for a moment. What Dr. Schneider is going to do, is take tests, and more x-rays, to make sure nothing of any value has been damaged. By that I mean this, every female has a vagina, cervix, ovaries, and a uterus. These are very important if we are going to bear children. Dr. Schneider will make sure that these have not been damaged. In your case, your vagina was covered over by a layer of skin, that if x-rays aren't taken at birth, then it is assumed the child is male. But sweetie, I can reassure you that you are one hundred per cent female."

"I don't understand why my birth mother kept that from me."

"Maybe she didn't know. Were you born in a hospital?"

"No Debbie, my birth mother said I was born at home."

"Then I suspect no x-rays were taken later, either. Maybe your mother wasn't told that you were female. Maybe she wasn't told that by the doctor who delivered you. He just saw the layer of skin, and assumed you were male. What year were you born?"

"1948."

"Yes, back then it was common not to take x-rays if the child was noticeably male or female. Well anyway, we know the truth now, and you still have your whole life to life as a woman. You are a young woman now, and because you are, we placed a sanitary napkin in your panties to catch the menstrual flow. Did you have any pain in your groin area, before coming to the hospital?"

"A little, I just thought it was a tummy ache."

"Well then, it is a very good thing that you got in here when you did. I would say that by the amount of blood Dr. Scneider found, you are having your first period. And if that is the case, young lady, nothing inside has been damaged. By the way, Mandy called down here to see how you were doing. She said she is a friend of the man who is an attorney?"

"Yes Debbie. His name is Mr. Marks, and his daughter is one of my best friends."

"Well, that is really good. Look sweetie, I can see that you are really exhausted. That is the anesthetic. You sleep now, and when you wake up, I will see if you are hungry."

I closed my eyes, and was soon asleep. When I woke up, there was another nurse there. Her name is Gloria, and she is about the same age as Mandy. Except that Gloria has auburn hair, and deep sapphire blue eyes, and I could tell she had a very pretty figure too. I want a figure like that. Gloria came over by the bed.

"Hi sweetie. I have to take your vitals, now that you are awake." She did the same thing that Debbie did, and then went and wrote it down. Then she came back.

"Are you hungry, dear? We can only give you liquids right now though. We have apple juice, orange juice, milk, hot chocolate, and of course the old stand by, water." We both giggled, and I told her I would like some apple juice.

"Coming right up." She brought the juice back, and then she said to sip it, and that I would probably sleep a lot today, and anyway it would be better to wait until breakfast to have something to eat. "That's because food right now would make your tummy upset, and you could vomit. We don't want that. So it is liquids for the rest of the day, and tomorrow you can have breakfast, because the anesthetic will be completely worn off by then. How are you feeling?"

"I feel really tired, and sore between my legs."

"Yes, you will be sore there for a while. About a couple of weeks, so you can heal. When you have completely healed, you will out there knocking the boys off their feet, with your good looks and your adorable charm. You are pretty Sue, never let anyone tell you different."

I didn't see mom and Bobbie sitting next to the bed, until I sat up a little to take a sip of my juice.

"You will be all right Sue. We're here until they tell us to go. Bobbie and I have to leave right around eight o'clock anyway, because she has school. She is going to make sure she brings all your homework home, so you don't fall behind in your lessons anyway. They should be taking you back to your room shortly, though. We will stay with you until we have to leave."

"Thanks guys, you're the best family a girl could ever want." I got a hug from both of them for that. "Please tell her I am hurting down there."

Gloria brought me a pill, and told me to take it with my juice. I closed my eyes, and the next thing I knew, I was back in my room. Mom and Bobbie wre talking to Dr. Schneider. When he saw that I was awake, he came over by the bed.

"Well young lady, how are you feeling?"

"Very sore, doctor."

"Yes, and I have prescribed some pain medication for you. Now I was talking to your guardian, and she tells me your birth mother was raising you as a boy?"

"Yes, sir."

"Well, I will probably be called to testify in court. I understand there is a court investigation going on. I will bring in the x-rays of before and after the surgery. I was also told that you have never been to a doctor before now, except to see a psychiatrist. Well, just know that we know the truth now, and we will be more than willing to go in to court. What I did, Susan, was remove a few layers of skin that was covering your vagina. When we opened the the vagina, we saw blood flowing, other than the blood from the surgery. This told us you were menstruating, and I feel that nothing inside has been damaged. Debbie told me that you were feeling sore, and you just thought it was a tummy ache. Anyway we placed a sanitary napkin inside your panties, and your guardian will explain how to use them. The panties are loosely fitted so it doesn't irritate the labia, right now. So, I will leave you ladies to talk about woman things, while I go and see other patients." We giggled, and he left.

When he left, mom said she would talk to me when I got out of the hospital, so we had enough time. Bobbie said she was waiting for me to get home, because she got me a nice surprise. Now, I don't know about anyone else, but when someone tells they got me a surprise, I am constantly begging that person to tell me what it is. But Bobbie did the closed mouth thing with the button and zipper closing thing. That means she isn't telling me. I sighed, and closed my eyes and went to sleep. When I woke up, it was three o'clock in the morning. The night nurse just came in, as I opened my eyes.

"Well, since you are awake, I need to take your vitals. How are you feeling now?"

"I feel very sore, but I am not tired now."

"I'll be right back with a pain pill, then I will take your vitals." She left to get the pill, but wasn't gone long. Then she did the vitals thing, and asked me if I was hungry.

"I'm famished."

"I can get you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, or I can get you a bag lunch that has different sandwiches in each bag."

"May I have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and some fruit if you have any."

"Of course. Would like milk with that, too."

"Yes, ma'am."

She came back with the lunch and milk, and said if I wanted anything more, just press the button. I ate the sandwich, and set the orange aside. I drank my milk, and laid back down and went to sleep. When I woke up, Mandy was coming in to check my medicine bag that was dripping into my arm. An IV she called it. Then she asked me how I felt and I said that I was very sore, and she left to get me a pain pill. When she came back, she took my vitals, and said they were good. She told me that my breakfast would be right up, and she wanted me to try and eat everything. She told me that I lose a lot of proteins and vitamins during surgery, because of the loss of blood. She said the only way to regain those proteins and vitamins was to eat everything on my tray.

Mandy brought in my breakfast tray, and telling me to eat everything, and after raising my bed to a partial sitting position, she went back out by the nurses desk. I was told that the reason that my bed wasn't raised all the way, was because it was possible to break open the stitches, and then I would have to go back in the operating room, and have them replaced. I ate what I could of the scrambled eggs, crisp bacon, toast, and milk and juice. I ate the bacon, but only a little of the eggs, and drank my milk and the juice. When Mandy came back in, she looked at my tray, and asked me if I didn't like the eggs.

"No, not really, I'm just full."

"Sue, you have to eat everything on your tray. You won't be getting any of your proteins and vitamins, if you don't eat everything. There is a lady hired by the hospital called a dietician. She makes up the menus, so that the food is even in servings, that will give you the proteins and vitamins. But you have to eat everything."

"Sometimes, I get really full. I'm not used to eating so much."

"Yes, that may be. But you have had surgery, and you need everything they put on your tray. The whole meal has been made up that way, so that you get your proper nutrients. You have to build your blood back up. The only way to do that, is to eat everything they send up on your tray. I'm not saying this to pick on you, Sue. I am saying this because it is true. Honey, listen, you have been able to stand up to things others may not have been strong enough to. You have strong friends behind you too, as well as the father of one of your best friends, doing everything he can to make sure you have a good life. If you don't eat everything on your tray, you could become anemic. Anemia is where you have more white corpuscles than red ones, in your blood stream, and if that happens, you will become very sick. Sue, everybody here is so proud of you, and your nurses have nothing but nice things to say about you. So please sweetie, eat everything on your tray."

"I'll try Mandy."

"Don't try, eat everything on your tray."

"Yes, Mandy."

She left with my tray, and went back by the nurses desk. She was writing somthing down in, probably my chart, and when she was done, she looked at me through the window. My room was right next to the nurses station, and they could see me through the window. My roommate had been brought back in, and had been sleeping a lot. She woke up when Mandy left.

"Hi Sue, my name is Carol. I had my tonsils out. I heard Mandy say something about you had surgery. Are you all right?" She talked in whispers, because her throat was very sore.

"Yes Carol, I am. It is nice to meet you. But I can't get out of bed just yet though. I have to stay in for a few days, so I am going to be very bored. My mom and sister come to visit me, and they stay all day, if they can. Mom works, and Bobbie goes to school. They should be up here, or at least mom should be here in a few minutes."

"No, I am here. I have been told that you're not eating everything on your tray. Honey, please don't worry me like this. The food they give you, is so you can build your blood back up. When you have surgery, you lose a certain amount of blood. Because of that, you lose a lot of proteins and vitamins. So you need to eat everything on your tray, so that you can have healthy blood. That is what keeps us alive, so honey, please, eat everything they bring up for you."

"All right, mom. But everytime I try to eat everything, I get really full, and I can't eat any more. I'm not trying to do this on purpose, but, they give me way too much."

"Honey, when you get home, you can go back to your old eating habits. But for right now, please eat everything on your tray. They give you that amount of food, to give you the necessary proteins and vitamins to build up your blood. Please, sweetie, for me and Bobbie?"

"Yes, mom."

She smiled when she said, "that's my girl."
 
 
Part II - Susan goes home.
 
 
Susan was in the hospital for another week, and she was allowed to go home. Susan had healed almost completely, and there was just a very little healing left to do, but she was allowed to go home, and return to school.

When she got home, there was a loud shout of surprise, and then she saw the banner across the living room door that led to the kitchen. Everybody was there, including David. She put her hands over her mouth so her scream would be a little muffled, and she gave Mrs. Granger, Bobbie, Cindy, Mr. and Mrs. Marks, David, and all the girls. Everybody was there for her before, and they were there for her now. Today was the first day of the rest of her life, and she was going to enjoy every minute of it.

The party included rock and roll music, and the favorites of the girls was Elvis Presley and Ricky Nelson. Susan danced as well as she could, with David, who was just happy to know his ... girlfriend? ... was really a girl. Anyway, the children had such a good time, it was bed time all too soon. With a lot of 'oh darns' and 'do we have to's', the party broke up, and, after hugs all around, the parents took their children home. Susan wanted to help clean up, but Mrs. Granger told her no, she should go up to bed because she still needed her rest, so that she could heal properly. Tomorrow was Saturday, and she could sleep in. But she had to have breakfast before lunch time.

Susan went up to get her nightgown, and a clean pair of panties, and go to take a shower. She was still a little sore and tender, so she couldn't sit in the tub yet. She grabbed her robe and slippers, too, and went to take her shower. She brushed her teeth first, and then turned on the shower. She made sure it was the right temperature, and got in to wash all over. She washed her hair twice, and conditioned it twice, and then got out, grabbing a towel, as she did so.

She patted herself dry, and patted very softly where she had her surgery. Just as she was about to put her panties on, Mrs. Granger came in with a sanitary napkin, and a sanitary napkin belt. She instructed Susan how to use everything, and how to place the sanitary napkin, and then she could pull up her panties. She then put on her nightgown, and robe, then stepped into her slippers. Giving Mrs. Granger a hug, she said good night, and went to bed.

In the two weeks that followed my coming home, I went to school, and I was asked how come I wasn't dressing like that goofy old tomboy I "used to be". I got a lot of compliments on finally dressing as the girl I am, and I have even attracted the eye of a certain boy. Have I ever mentioned David? When I got home that Friday after school, mom told me that we had another court hearing on Monday. I was kind of happy, but I was also sad, because now my mother is going to know the truth. Mom said that Mr. Marks had given copies of the medical papers of my physical, and the operation, to the court, and Mr. Connors. Mom also said that Mr. Connors might try some of his courtroom antics, just to delay the start of the hearing.
 
 
Court Reconvenes
 
 
Monday came, and mom woke me up, saying we had to get going. I wasn't sore any more where I had the operation, so I took a nice bubble bath. I got out my clothes while the water was filling the bathroom with a rose scent. I got out my nice cream colored dress, a white pair of panties, a white training bra, a white full slip, and my knee high, double knit socks. I laid everything on the bed, and went back to the bathroom. After getting in the tub, I just sat there thinking of what today was going to bring.

"Susan," mother yelled up the stairs. "Don't dawdle sweetie, we haven't got time. We have to be at court in two hours."

"Yes, mom," I answered her back. I washed all over, and then pulled the plug, I rinsed off the rest of the suds with the shower, and grabbed a soft terry cloth towel. I patted myself dry, and put my robe and slippers on, and went back to my room to get dressed.

"Susan, dear," mother yelled up the stairs again. "Are you getting dressed?"

"Yes, mother."

"All right, breakfast is ready when you come down."

It was a very nice feeling living here with the Grangers. Bobbie has been my friend since before kindergarten, and so has Cindy. Both of their families were very nice, and always did things together when the parents weren't working. I was now completely dressed, and I looked in the mirror to make sure everything was straight, and nothing was showing below my dress hem, and I went downstairs to have breakfast.

"Honey, I'm sorry that we don't have time to sit and ponder the universe in the bubbles, but we have to be to court at ten o'clock."

"I know, mom, and I'm sorry. But everytime I get in the tub I just want to float away in to some other world."

"I know what you mean, dear. I want to float like that too." We rubbed noses, and I ate my breakfast. When I was finished, I rinsed off my dishes, and set them in the sink. Mom and I would do them, later.

After making sure everything was in order, except the dishes, we got our coats and purses, and headed for the car. When we were in, mom backed out of the narrow driveway, and we headed for the children's court complex. Bobbie and I sat in th eback, while mom drove, and we were just chatting away, when we pulled in to the children's court complex parking lot. Mr. Marks saw us, and go out of his car, and came over by us.

"Good morning, ladies," he said with a very deep, genuine smile. "Today Susan, your birth mother is going to know that she did wrong. You have been deprived of being raised as a little girl, but you won't be deprived of being a teenage girl. I understand that you and David have been studying together at the library, lately."

I shyly looked at the ground, and did the dig the heel in the ground, and said, "yes, sir."

He put his forefinger under my chin, and smiled at me. "Susie, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone you like. But, let me just say this. If it doesn't work out between you and David, just remember that it is not the end of the world. There is always another boy just up ahead. Do you understand what I mean?"

"Yes, sir. Bobbie, Cindy, I, and the other girls have talked about dating for almost a year now. Mr. Marks, may I ask why adults are always late in telling us things, and when they do, it is about things we already know?"

"You little minx. I think we've created a monster, Anna."

"Hmmm, I think you're right, Mr. Marks." We all giggled, and we were at the window telling the officer who we were. We were told to have a seat, and we would be called. I saw him pick up his telephone, and said something briefly, and about ten minutes later, we were called in to the courtroom.

When we were all seated, the judge came in the courtroom and sat down. In children's court the hearings are very informal. The judge looked around the courtroom, and saw that there were a lot of others, that weren't here before.

"Good morning, everyone. I am Judge Christine Reynolds, and I am hearing this petition. Mr. Marks, this is your petition, so you may start."

"Objection, your honor. The mother has raised her child as a boy, because that is exactly what he is. All of these manufactured reports of the child being a hermaphrodite, is just a courtroom trick by opposing counsel, to try and sway the court."

"Is that the end of your objection, Mr. Connors?"

"Yes, your honor, it is."

"Your objection is over ruled. These reports are by certified medical experts. I assume these gentlemen to my left, in the back row, are the doctors connected with this case."

"Yes, your honor," Mr. Marks intejected. "Your honor, I am going to save the x-rays, and other evidence for a little later. Right now I would like to call Dr. Allen Brinks."

"Doctor, just stand up, and you can be sworn from there and tesify."

After he swore to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, Mr. Marks started asking him questions.

"Dr. Brinks, are you a medical doctor?"

"Yes, sir, I am."

"Did you have occasion to come in contact with the minor child known as Susan Kelly?"

"Yes, I did, sir."

"Would you please tell us, in your own words why and where you came in contact with Susan Kelly?"

"Susan and her court appointed guardian came to my office, because Susan needed to have a physical examination."

"Did you examine Miss Kelly?"

"Yes, sir, I did."

"What if anything, did you find during the course of this physical examination?"

"I found that Miss Kelly's heart, lungs, ears, eyes, and reflexes are all normal. She has no outward skin blemishes, and her tonsils are also normal."

"Did you do anything else in the examination?"

"Yes, sir, I did."

"Tell us what you found, if anything."

"In order to examine a patient, especially a male, for hernias, I place my hand under the sac, and ask him to cough. Miss Kelly coughed, and I didn't feel what I should have. Miss Kelly has no testes, and is not producing any testosterone. Also, the tissue that is supposed to be the penis, is flaccid, and doesn't get erect. When I placed my forefinger and middle finger of my right hand in just a bit further, I wasn't met with any obstruction."

"Dr. Brinks, why is this part of the examination so imporatnat, in Miss Kelly's case?"

"It is important because as I kept presseing my fingers inward, Miss Kelly wasn't feeling any pain, as would a male child."

"Did you come to any conclusions to a degree of medical certainty?"

"Yes, sir, I have."

"What to a degree of medical certainty have you concluded, with regard to Miss Kelly, doctor?"

"That Susan Marie Kelly, who is sitting right there by her guardian, wearing a cream colored dress, is a natural female human being."

"Is this conclusion based on your training, and education as a medical doctor?"

"Yes, sir, it is."

"I have no further questions."

"Mr. Connors, any cross?"

"No, your honor." I could see my birth mother saying something to him, but Mr. Connors just held up his hand, and shook his head.

"Mr. Marks, call your next witness."

"I call doctor Richard Schneider to testify."

"Doctor Schneider, you may be sworn and testify where you are standing."

After being sworn, Mr. Marks started asking him questions.

"Doctor Schneider, have you ever had an occasion to come into contact with Miss Susan Marie Kelly?"

"Yes, I have."

"Would you please tell us the circumstances of why you had come in contact with Miss Kelly?"

"Miss Kelly was referred to the hospital, where I am a surgeon, because in the referral, it was stated that the minor child, Susan Marie Kelly, was a hermaphrodite, and developing like a young woman. The referral asked that I please remove the layers of skin, that on cursory observation, would make her a male, but that she was genetically female, and her XX chromosomes would prove that."

"Objection, your honor. There is no evidence presented that says the minor child has XX chromosomes."

"Over Ruled. Mr. Marks has filed his medical reports on the blood work, the physical examination, the x-rays, and the hospital procedure to remove the useless layers of skin covering the child's vaginal opening. Now, Mr. Connors, if you keep objecting, knowing that we have irrefutable medical evidence showing this child to be genetically female, I will hold you in contempt. I am surprised Mr. Connors, that you are still pursuing this. If Mrs. Kelly had been my client, I would have advised her to withdraw from the case, after signing away her parental rights.

"In all honesty, Mr. Connors, on what I just heard, I am ready to make my decision. But I understand that Mr. Marks has other evidence that will cement what we have just heard, in concrete. Now, Mr. Connors, with your permission sir, may we please proceed?"

"Yes, your honor. I'm sorry."

"Mr. Marks, please continue."

"Your honor, for my next two witnesses, I call Adam and Eve. These two witnesses your honor are the punch line of our evidence."

"Please proceeed, I am very curious about this."

The deputy sheriff brought in two skeletons. One was a male skeleton, and the other was a female one.

"Your honor, just for Mr. Connors education, it is a medical fact that the skeletons of the male and the female human being are different in stature as well as girth. You will notice your honor," he said pointing to the male skeleton, "that the male skeleton has a broader upper torso, and the rib cage is a little more spread out, than the female skeleton," he said, pointing to Eve. "Your honor, I know we all know that the female skeleton is smaller than the male, but, where the male skeleton is narrower at the hips, you will see that the female skeleton is wider at the hips, and I point out your honor, that the pelvic openings are larger on the female than they are on the male.

"When we had Miss Kelly take her x-rays, we were told that Miss Kelly will be able to carry children without a problem, because she has the wide pelvic girdle that every female has. Your honor, I would like to recall Dr. Brinks, to tell us about Miss Kelly's x-rays."

"Objection, your..."

"Over ruled."

"Your honor, I have the right to have my objection heard."

"Oh! I am so sorry, Mr. Connors, but I thought I was the judge in this courtroom." She reached for her name plate, and looked at it. "Yes, I certainly am, unless of course Mr. Connors, you use the alias of Christine Reynolds? Now sit down, because Dr. Brinks is a qualified medical expert, and can interpret these x-rays, as can any other medical doctor, or radiology technician. You may continue, Mr. Marks. Dr. Brinks, you are still under oath."

"Dr. Brinks, can you show us on these x-rays of Miss Kelly, exactly why this child is not a male?"

He put up two x-rays with a light behind it, and started showing how my skeleton was that of a female, including right down to the pelvic openings. He said that he had also seen the blood work analysis, and that with the x-rays, just proves that I am a genetic girl.

"Is that all, doctor?"

"Yes, your honor it is.

Mr. Marks, is there anything else?"

"Yes, your honor, I would like to amend my petition to include the name of Angela Kelly, a minor female, two years old, still in Mrs. Kelly's custody. I move the court, to remove the female minor child, Angela Kelly from her mother's custody, and place her in the custody of Mr. and Mrs. Ganger, because they already have custody of Susan Marie Kelly, Angela's older sister."

"I strenuously object, your honor. There is no evidence presented to show that the two year old minor, is in any danger, or has been maliciously, or otherwise mistreated."

"I will reseve judgement on that amendment, Mr. Connors, until after I have asked Mrs. Kelly a few questions.

Just then a man was shown in to the courtroom, and after talking to Mr. Marks, Mr. Marks made another motion.

"Your honor, I am sorry. I wouldlike to reopen, because we have a rebuttal witness that can testify that Mrs. Kelly did know that her first born child was female."

"Objection, your honor. I have not had an opportunity to depose this witness."

"I'm sure that you can do that on cross, counselor. Objection over ruled. Swear your witness, Mr. Marks."

After the man was sowrn, Mr. Marks started.

"Sir, will you state your name, and occupation for the record?"

"My name is Benjamin Stark, and I am a gynecologist in Des Moines, Iowa."

"Did you bring your files from 1948, with you, doctor?"

"Yes, I did."

"Is there any mention of a Mrs. Margaret Kelly, in those files?"

"Yes sir, there is?"

"Why is she mentioned in your files, doctor."

"Because I delivered her child, whom she name Ronnie."

"Would you be able to identify that child now, doctor?"

"No sir, but I can identify Mrs. Kelly."

"And is Mrs. Kelly in the courtroom?"

"Yes, sir, she is. She is sitting next to that man," he was pointing to Mr. Connors, "wearing a green dress."

"Let the record reflect the doctor identified the mother of Susan Marie Kelly."

"So ordered."

"Now doctor, after you delivered the child to Mrs. Kelly, did you notice anything different, in the child's physiology?"

"Yes I did."

"What if anything, did you notice."

"I noticed an overgrowth of skin between the infant's legs, that would seemingly make the child male, but it wasn't solid like a male's penis and small sac would be. In fact, there was no physical sac."

"Did you tell this to the mother?"

"Yes I did, and I wanted her to bring the child in for a check up, and x-rays."

"Did Mrs. Kelly bring the child in?"

"No she didn't. When she didn't show up, I went back to the house, only to find she had moved."

"What did you do then, if anything?"

"I looked at my records, and saw that she listed her employment as a secretary for the Iowa Deaprtment of Health. I called there looking for her, and when they wanted to know why, I told them it was a medical emergency, and that I was calling from the hospital. They told me she had quit her job, and wanted her last check mailed to her to her mother's house in Wisconsin."

"Did you check any further, doctor."

"Yes, I did, and I found her living in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, but she refused to take the child in for any medical checkups. When a child is born at home, it is routine to have the child brought in to be check up on."

"Was there anything you could legally do, at that point, doctor."

"No, well, I could have reported her, but she was in another state, and the infant was her child."

"I see. Doctor Stark, is it your testimony sir, that you did tell the mother about the birth defect, and that her first born was in fact, a female?"

"Yes, sir, it is."

"Nothing further, your honor."

"Mr. Connors, do you have any questions for the witness?"

"No, your honor."

"All right we have been here now for four hours, and I am famished. This court is adjourned one hour for lunch."

We left to go get a little lunch, and talk about what just happened in the courtroom. When we all got to the restaurant, we all had to have two tables pushed together the long way, so we could all sit together. I ordered just a small salad, with milk, Bobbie and Cindy ordered the same. Mom ordered a bowl of soup with her salad, and Mr. Marks ordered a giant burger, with a double order of fries. We just looked at him like he was nuts or somethings. Then when our orders were brought to us, he was telling us what happened in court.

"Well Susie, we won. When we go back in court, the judge will say a few things, she will remind me that I had made a motion to amend my petition, and then she will make her decision. Judge Reynolds does not like any parent who knows he or she is mistreating their child. She is a mother herself, and seh knows the the value of bringing up a child the right way.

"All the doctors that tesified, will have to come back, in case Mr. Connors wants to reopen his case, and ask them any questions. Judge Reynolds will even ask him if he has anything more, and depending on his answer, the judge will make her ruling."

We were finished eating, and Mr. Marks paid the bill, and we went back to the court center.

"All right everybody, we're back in session now. Mr. Connors, I am only going to ask you one more time, do you have any evidence to present?"

"No, your honor."

"Very well, Mrs. Kelly, you have heard all the testimony, and seen all the evidence that everyone has seen. Can you tell this court why you absconded from Iowa with your child, instead of taking her in for a medical examination?"

"Because I could see he was a boy, so there was no need to take my child in for a medical examination."

"I see. Now, Mrs. Kelly, why did you want your child to be raised as a boy?"

"Because he was outwardly male. I didn't see anything that said he was a female."

"Mrs. Kelly, are you a doctor of medicine?"

"No."

"Then why didn't you listen to the doctor?"

"Because my child is male."

"Mrs. Kelly, did you hear what all the expert witnesses testified too?"

"Yes, I did."

"What do you have to say about what they said?"

"Well, they're lying. My oldest child is a male."

"Mrs. Kelly, you seriously need psychiatirc help. How can you sit there and say that medical experts, that have no reason to lie, are lying?"

"Well, they are. I have changed my child's diapers from the time he was born."

"I have heard enough. Mr. Marks, your amendment to your petition to remove Angela Kelly from the custody of Mrs. Kelly, is hereby granted, and it is hereby ordered that the said Angela Kelly will be placed in the safe custody of Mrs. Anna Granger, who has fostered many children in her home. It is also hereby ordered that the CHIPS petition is also granted, and the court is satisfied that Ronnie Kelly, whose name shall be forever hereafter known as Susan Marie Kelly, is genetically female, and it is ordered that the said Susan Marie Kelly will remain in the Granger household. It is so ordered, and the sheriff's department is to be dispatched forthwith, to remove the said Angela Kelly from the Kelly household, and delivered to Mrs. Anna Granger. It is so ordered, and I will leave this case open for one year. Court is adjourned."

I was so sad for my birth mother, because even after hearing the doctors testify, she still wanted to believe that I was a male. The judge is right, she needs a headshrinker. Mother and Mr. Connors were the first to leave, with mother crying. I am just glad that this is all over.

"Hey, why so sad, young lady?"

"Because I really feel sorry for her. She will never learn." Mr. Marks just nodded, and we headed out to the cars.

"You little bitch, you ruined everything!"

Mr. Connors had to restrain my birth mother, and then a deputy sheriff came out, and said he had seen her lunge at me, and placed mother under arrest. It is like I said, she will never learn.
 

---

 
To Be Continued...

"...It is so nice having the two of you here. I had almost forgot what it was like having a little girl to look after. You know Sue, that I am very happy right now. Two of my best friends in the world live in my house, and one of those friends even brought her sister. Thank you, Susan Marie Kelly, you are a wonder..."
 

 

---

 
We all got in our cars, after agreeing we would meet at IHOP* (*Author's note: The IHOP restaurants back then had a red barn look to them.) When we got there, we waited for everyone to group together, and then we went in. The hostess asked how many, and Mr. Marks said six. She asked us if we wanted two booths, or a couple of tables put together. Mr. Marks said the tables, and he even said please. The hostess was about Mrs. Granger's age, maybe a little younger, and she had a sparkling smile. The waitress' name was Sue, and she said she was still in high school, and had a pony tail that bounced when she walked, and a very nice sparkling smile. She did say she was a senior and would graduate in June. She brought us our water, and left the menus, and said she would be right back. When she came back, she took our orders, and brought our drinks.

When our orders came, we just relaxed and ate. I took small bites, and dabbed the corners of my mouth. Mr. Marks was looking at me, and smiling.

"Sue, what did your mother mean, when she said you ruined everything?"

"I don't know, Mr. Marks. All I know is she was very angry because she lost both me and my sister."

"Did she ever tell you that maybe you might inherit something. Like maybe money, or anything like that?"

"No, sir."

"I will have to check into that, and see. It might not be anything, and she was just angry at you for her misguided judgement. But I will see what I can find."

We finished our meals, and Mr. Marks paid the bill. We went out to the cars, and after hugs all around, we left for our houses. I had no doubt that Cindy would be over, after she got home, but the ride home was in silence. Nobody knew exactly what to say.

When we got home, there was a sheriff's car waiting for us. A deputy sheriff got out and brought Angela over to us. He tried giving her to mom, but she told him to give her to me. I held her up and gave her a big hug. Hopefully she won't remember any of this. The deputy got Angela's things, and we all went in the house, after the deputies said good luck, and left. When we got inside the house, and Angela was looking around. She looked up at me and asked where mommy was. I told her that mommy wouldn't be living with us anymore because she was naughty. That was the best I could do because of her age. She understood naughty, and she gave one of those big sighs toddlers give, because they have seen us do it numbers of times.

I asked her if she was hungry, and she said yes. I took her in the kitchen and opened the fridge. She saw an apple on one of the shelves on the door, and asked if she could have that. I said yes, and I asked mom (that's what I am calling Bobbie's mother now), to get the phone books, so Angela could sit at the table like a big girl, and eat her apple. I peeled the apple, and then cut it in small pieces for her. It was easier that way for her to eat it. Between bites, she would look at the piece of apple in her hand, turn it around this way and that way, and then take another bite. I wish I had an eight millimeter movie camera. But we didn't. Angela ate four small pieces of her apple, and then wanted down from the table. I helped her down, after wiping her hands with a kitchen towel, and she ran in the living room. I followed her, after asking mom if she would put the rest of the apple away.

When I got to the living room, she was sitting right in front of the television. I told her that there was nothing good on right now, but why don't we go upstairs, and put her things away. Until we got a toddler bed for her, she was sleeping with me. So we went up to our room, and I put her things in my dresser and closet. The nicest things about toddlers is, they get tired quickly. Of course though, they may only play in their room, but they do go to sleep.

Angela had a lot of children's books that mother always read to her. That was just to get her to go to sleep. So I gave her one of her teddy bears. When Angela was asleep, and I was either at Bobbie's or Cindy's, mother would sit and have her beer and a cigarette. When I was home though, she would always have a cup of coffee and a cigarette. The only reason I knew she was drinking beer when I was gone, is because I found beer in the fridge, and the empty cans in the trash. One day when I was just out in the back yard, after taking the trash out, I saw empty beer cans in the trash in the kitchen, after I came back in.

So I gave her one of her teddy bears., and she hugged it, then told the teddy bear that I was going to read them a story. I took one of the books, and sat on the bed and read it to her. She was asleep before I finished the book. She looked like a little angel lying there, sound asleep. I gave her a kiss on her forehead, and left to go downstairs. I looked back at her to make sure she was asleep. She was, and hugging her teddy bear. I smiled to myself, and went downstairs, leaving the bedroom door open.

"Is she sleeping?"

"Yes Bobbie. She was really tired. But just wait though, tomorrow she will running all around the house." We both giggled, and then I poured myself a glass of orange juice. "Bobbie, I'm worried a little about her when I'm not here. She might not understand why I have to go to school."

"She's two years old Sue, she really understands a lot for being a toddler. And she can talk too, like she was born talking."

"Our birth mother decided that it was better to teach her correct grammar. I hope now she can be a child."

"You both are still children too, you know," mom said sitting down at the kitchen table. "You don't need to grow up too soon. Being a child and learning about life as the years go by, is how we learn. If we grow up too fast, and too soon, then we really don't learn anything, because life just goes by in a whirl. Don't you worry about Angela dear, she will be fine while you are in school."

"Thanks mom," I said, giving her a hug. The hug was interrupted by the phone ringing.

"Hello?" Mom said into the phone. "Yes, this is Mrs. Granger. Oh? Does she have to testify? I see, alright she will be there." She hung up, and looked right at me. "Sue, that was the district attorney downtown. He said your mother is being prosecuted for trying to attack a minor, namely, you. He said she could get as much as ten years in prison if she is convicted. Would you, or can you, be brave enough to testify in court, against her?"

"Yes mom, I would be. She needs a lot of help, and if this is the only way she can get it, then that is what I want for her. When she tried to get to me after court was over, I was afraid. But, if she can get the help she needs, then that is what I want for her and I will be brave enough to testify."

"Good girl. They will send us a subpoena and that will tell us the date, time, and what courtroom. You do know that her attorney is going to ask you a lot of embarrassing questions about why you are dressed like a girl, because he will make a big issue out of you being a male. But he won't say physically, he will just make it sound like you're doing this because there is something wrong with you. That is what defense attorneys do, they try to put the blame on the witness, because their job is to defend their client as best as they can. So I am telling you now, that he will try to make it seem that there is something wrong with you. All you have to do, is tell what happened when you were in her care, and what she did to prevent you from being you.

"Now, you are a girl, both physically and mentally. And there is no way you can act like a guy, even if you wanted to. We have known that since you started school, and Bobbie is one of your best friends. When Bobbie told us that she was letting you wear her clothes, while you were here, we didn't say anything, except we were kind of concerned that maybe this was just a passing phase. We have seen through the years since though, that this is who you are, and you haven't acted like a boy in any way that I have seen. But this attorney that your mother has, will try to say these things. We are using the same reports we used in children's court, to present eveidence against your mother. This will be necessary so the judge and jury, if there is one, will see that your mother really has no case.

"I go through these hearing about twice a month, but right now I don't have any foster children, because you have been considered part of our family for years. I know I asked you this before, but would you like to be my daughter, and Bobbie's sister?"

"More than anything in the world."

"Good girl. Now, I will do all I can do get you to be a permanent part of this family, and I will have Mr. Marks file something on that order. You know that you are very lucky, young lady, that we found out the truth before you got any older. Not that you would be affected by testosterone, because it is naturally very low. But you would have problems with being looked at and treated as a boy with breasts. So I for one, am very glad we got this taken care of. Now, like I said though, your mother's attorney is going to try very hard to make it look like you wanted all of this and got us to go along with it. But, Mr. Marks has copies of the evidence we presented to Judge Reynolds. We will call the same doctors to testify, and we will ask the court to appoint a physician to give you a complete examination, including x-rays and blood work. This way, your mother's attorney has to accept the fact that you are a natural, anatomical female."

"What is anatomical mean?"

"It means that you have the insides as all the rest of the females on the planet. Anatomical refers to anatomy, and your anatomy is female. Let me say it differently. Anatomy is your body inside and out."

"Oh. Oh, alright, now I understand."

"I knew you would. We have a lot to teach you about things that you were forbidden to learn. There is one thing you never have to worry about though. You never have to worry if you are a girl or a boy, because you have always been a girl, and now since your birth defect has been removed, you can enjoy the rest of your life as the girl you are.

"Thank you, mom, you're the best," I said, as I started to cry.

Mother came over and held me to comfort me, and I saw Bobbie looking sad because I was crying. Why was I crying, because all of this has finally come to an end of whether or not I am a boy or a girl, that's why. But my birth mother doesn't to be able to handle the truth. Is she just mean, or does she have a real problem accepting reality? Well whatever it is, I hope she goes to a hospital to get the help she needs. I mean, I really love my mother, but she needs a lot of help in understanding that I was never her son. Why did she force me to live as a boy all those years? Well, I am not goiong to think about that now. I need to clear my head. I went and looked in on Angela, and saw she was playing quietly in our room.

"Angie dear, do you need a change?"

"Yeth."

"Come on, sweetie, let's get you into something dry." She got up on the bed, and laid down. I took off her wet diaper and washed her up. Then I put baby oil and powder there so she wouldn't get a rash. I put the clean diaper on, and got her in to her little flowered corduroys and flowered white top. I put clean socks on her and her shoes. I then put the soiled diaper in the diaper pail, and took Angela downstairs with me. She was holding onto her teddy bear. I set her down on the floor in the living room, and turned on the television. There was really nothing good on, so I looked around all four of the channels we got, to see what was on that Angela could watch. There was a Shirley Temple movie coming on at eight, but for right now nothing good was on, even for her. I told her I would be right back, and I went in our room, and got one of her books.

"Angie, sweetie, would like me to read to you?"

"Yeth."

"This is the one about the three little pigs, and the big bad wolf...'

"Like mommy?"

"Uhm no, sweetie, not like mommy."

"Oh."

The book started with once upon a time, and related the story of the three pigs and their problems with the big bad wolf. When I was finished with the book, Angela was sleeping on the couch so peacefully, I didn't want to disturb her. I went in the kitchen and told mom and Bobbie to come and see, and they just smiled at the cute little angel sleeping on the couch. We went back in the kitchen.

"She looks like a little angel. It is so nice having the two of you here. I had almost forgot what it was like having a little girl to look after. You know Sue, that I am very happy right now. Two of my best friends in the world live in my house, and one of those friends even brought her sister. Thank you, Susan Marie Kelly, you are a wonder." I looked at Bobbie and she looked at me, and we just smiled.

"Thank you, mom." Just then the doorbell rang, and mom went to answer it. Cindy came in and sat down at the table.

"Sue, Angela looks like a little angel lying there sleeping. I talked to daddy before I came over, and he said tomorrow he is going to look for anything that you might inherit. He said though that he thought that your mother was just being angry at you, because you crashed her world down around her, as he put it. But I agree with daddy too, that it wasn't fair to you and Angela the way your mother was treating you. Sue, are you happy now?"

"Well, yes, kinda. I am still saddened that mother wouldn't listen to the doctor when I was born, and that she refused to accept that I am a female, even after it was proven in court. I am not sure that prison would be best for her though. I think she belongs in a hospital where she can get the help she needs. Of course, if a headshrinker does talk to her, she may go to prison anyway. I just wish she would have listened."

---

 
To Be Continued...

 

---

 
It was a light conversation, until the phone rang. I heard mom say a few words, and then she said, "will she have to testify?" Mom came in the kitchen and told us that was the district attorney on the phone, and he is sending us a subpoena for me to go to court and testify as to what my mother did in raising me.

"Will I still be able to live here?"

"Well the man didn't say. All he said was that you have to testify at your mother's trial. In this state assaulting a minor by an adult is a felony, and she is charged with attempted assault. That means if she is convicted she can get up to the maximum for the charge as it is written in the law. Honey, don't you worry none. Mr. Marks has everything you ever told us, and he will make sure the court sees that. You will have to testify that you told it to us, but that won't be a problem. He said the subpoena should be here tomorrow morning."

"Sue, do you think you can testify against her? I mean we will all be there for moral support, but mostly all of this has to come from you, because you were the one that was there. We can testify that you were crying when you told us all of this, and that you were afraid to go home. So don't worry about anything, because we are all here for you and Angela."

"Thank you, Bobbie. I knew I had good friends. I'm just sorry that it had to be like this."

"I know, and look Sue, you have always been our sister in more ways than one. We noticed that you took to doing things in a feminine manner easily. That is what made us wonder if you were just, you know, queer. But now we can see that wasn't it at all. You have been through so much Sue, and we are here to see you through the rest of it."

"Thank you, Cindy. Thank you all for being there for me."

"Anyway, daddy says he is coming over to talk to you about when you go to court. He wants you to call him the minute you get the subpoena. Then he can get right on this, so there won't be any wasted minutes getting ready. The only witness the defense has is your mother. We have you, and the deputy that saw the attempted assault. Your mother is going to keep up with the you're a boy bit hoping that she will be sent to a hospital. But I can tell you just by the judge we get, if she will go to prison or a hospital. We have a few judges here that don't fall for that."

"Thank you all for being my friends," I started crying again, because this whole thing made me so sad. Mom, Bobbie, and Cindy all held me in a group hug. Mom! It is so good to say that and mean it.

"It's all right, Sue, you're safe now, and she can't get at you. Angela is here too, and right now I think she's waking up."

I went in the living room where Angela was sleeping, and saw she was awake. I got a clean diaper, and cleaned her up and changed her. After putting the dirty diaper in the diaper pail, I took her in the kitchen, and sat her on the phone books by the table.

"Angie, would you like some juice?"

"Yeth, pleath." I gave her some fruit punch in her sippy cup, and she just sat there drinking it. She loved sitting at the table like a big girl.

We didn't talk about court, or our mother, while Angela was in the room. We talked about going shopping, and getting a few outfits.

"I go thopping too?"

"Yes sweetie, you can go shopping too." I gave her a hug, and told her we would take her with us when we went. She was all smiles. I wanted to have her with me as much as possible, because I didn't see her when I was in school. But I will have to keep my eye on her though, because she loves getting into things like all two year olds do.

"Angie, how would like to get a new dress, when we go shopping?"

"Yeth, pleath."

She wasn't too excited now, but when she sees all the pretty dresses in the store, she'll want every one of them. She's such an angel though. We were talking about getting me a new dress too for court. Something to impress the judge with. What!?! I'm a girl, I'm supposed to impress others with the way I dress. But anyway, I really do have to be ready for all of this, because Angela and I were the ones affected by what our mother had done to me. Oh yes, it affected Angela too. With our mother constantly yelling at me, I could just imagine what was going through little Angela's mind. I mean, she may only be two years old, but she knows when something isn't right.

Angela started yawning, so I took her in the living room and laid her on the sofa. I gave her her little teddy bear, and she went right to sleep. Just then the doorbell rang. Angela stirred a little but her eyes were still closed. Poor baby she must have really been tired. Mom answered the door, and I heard a man's voice ask if this is where I lived, and mom said yes.

"I have a subpoena here for her. Will you see that she gets it?"

"Yes officer, and thank you."

"Sue, that was a deputy sheriff, and the subpoena says you are to be in branch 32 down at the courthouse this coming Friday." Cindy was already on the phone talking to her father.

"Sue, daddy says he is coming right over. He's bringing mom too because he wants to take us all out to eat." Just then my dad, well Bobbie's dad, but mine too now, came in the living room.

"I can get used to going out to dinner if someone else is paying." We all giggled. Daddy was only joking of course.

"Anyway Sue, Daddy says there is a lot to go over. He said he has to ask you some of the same questions just to make sure it is still fresh in your mind."

"I will never forget it, Cindy." I sat in the chair by the sofa, and just started crying. Everybody came over and we had a group hug.

All the memories still being so fresh just flooded in and made me sad. Well Friday we will see what happens to my birth mother. Maybe after this is all over, I won't be bothered by her anymore. The doorbell rang again and mom went to see who it was. It was Cindy's father. He came in the living room, and sat down.

"Sue, this is going to be more hard on you than anything you have had to do so far. I need to ask you these questions and we will ask them again in court. Are you ready?"

"Yes, sir."

He started asking me about everything all over again. I couldn't stop crying because mother was so mean to me, so upset. She knew I was a girl all the time but she wanted me to be a boy. I will never understand why as long as I live. But hopefully the judge will send her to a hospital and not a prison. Cindy's father asked me everything that went on when Angela and I were with her. I answered him like I did before, and after a long while, we were finished.

"Well since all the business is taken care of, I would like to take everyone out to eat. Where should we go?"

"I think the Copper Kettle would be nice. They have nice meals there."

"The Copper Kettle? Didn't that open up just last year?"

"Yes, sir, it did. Vickie is one of my very good friends. Her mother owns it." (See my short story The Interview and the Interview - Part II.)

"Well all right then, we will go to the Copper Kettle. Does Vickie help in the kitchen too?"

I giggled. "No sir, but she does watch how things are done."

"Are we ready?"

Everybody got up, and we went out and got into our cars. There were too many for just one car, so we had to use two. We drove to the Copper Kettle, and went inside. The hostess asked us how many and then took us to our seats. Vickie saw us and came right over.

"Sue, Bobbie, Cindy! I was hoping you would come in some day. I'll get mother." She wasn't gone long, before she came back. "Mother, these are my friends I was telling you about. This is Susan, Bobbie, and Cindy, and their parents."

"Hello, and welcome to the Copper Kettle. I hope you like what we have here. Vickie, would you like to give them their water, and take their orders?"

"Yes, mother. Then Sandy can finish."

"Good girl."

"Mother is very formal when she's here. She seems to think being friendly with the customers isn't a good thing."

"Well I can see her point too, young lady. But a little friendliness goes a long way to keeping a business going though."

"I know Mr. Marks, but she's set in her ways though. Daddy has often told her to be more relaxed, but she doesn't. So when customers that I know come in, I try to make them feel like they're at home."

"That is a very good attitude. Maybe someday this restaurant will be yours. Then you can make the rules."

"I'm only twelve years old, sir. I have a lot to learn here before I can take over. I do help mother with the bookkeeping. So at least I will know that before I am old enough to work here."

"I can see you are going to go a long ways, young lady."

Bobbie, Cindy, and I knew that Vickie would make it someday. But until that happened, we were friends, and friends always were there for each other. Vickie took our orders, and then went and put them on the wheel. I listened as she called out the orders. She will make a good waitress when she is older.

We talked about things other than my mother's coming trial. We talked about shopping while our dads talked about fishing, hunting, and cars. We had a refill of soda while the adults had more coffee, and we just sat there enjoying the atmosphere. When we were ready to go, Cindy's father paid the bill and we left. Vickie came running out to give us each a hug.

"Come back anytime. Did you like your dinner?"

"Yes, young lady, we did. And we will be sure to come back." She smiled, and then told us not to be strangers, and went back inside.

Before we left, mother had an idea, and asked if Cindy could ride with us, because mother wanted to go shopping. Her father said it would be all right, and daddy and Mr. Marks left together. It is so funny though because daddy and Mr. Marks didn't like to go female shopping.

I asked mother where we were going and she said it was a surprise. I really love it when she says that because it means she is getting something for me. Now let me see. I have several necklaces, bracelets, ankle chains, a couple of friendship rings, mountains of dresses, skirts, jeans, capris, shorts, lingerie, shoes, two coats and one light jacket. So what could she get me that would be a surprise?

We didn't go downtown where we lived, but out a little farther. There was a specialty boutique there that was very exclusive. The sold everything that was in the low high price to the extremely high price range. We had talked about going shopping at home and taking Angela with us. But I guess this was just something mother wanted to do on the spur of the moment.

I really loved being part of this family. They did everything together, even after school functions. Everybody cared about each other, and one's pain was everyone's pain. That is what a family is all about.

After I found out I was really a girl, I was really sad for my birth mother because she couldn't understand why I had the growth of skin that looked like a boy's penis. I think she thought the doctor who told her I was female was a little off his rocker. Anyway when I go to court I am going to ask the judge if I can say something. Then I will ask if she can go to a hospital instead of prison. I think when the doctor told her I was female something snapped in her mind. She does need help, and I will never stop thinking about how she is getting along. Well we will see when we go to court.

When we got the shopping center, we went to a little store that had specialty clothes like formal and semi formal dresses, evening dresses, dresses for special occasions, and really pretty dresses for whatever. The also had the lingerie to match these dresses too. They sold shoes that were not cheap, and they even pierced your ears.

Since we found that I was really female, we didn't have time to get my ears pierced but mother wanted to do that today.

"Mom, I would like to have Angela with us, when we pierce my ears. I want her to pick out the ear studs."

"Why Susan, that is a very lovely idea. Tell you what, let's go and get Angela and come back. Would that be all right, dear?"

"Yes mother", Bobbie and I both said together.

We went back to the car, and mother drove us to the house. I went in and saw that Angela needed a change, so I cleaned her up and changed her. Then I put her in her nice jean bib dress, and got her little socks and shoes on her, and after putting the changing things and diapers in a diaper bag, we went back out to the car.

"Goodness! What took so long?"

"Angie needed a change, so I changed her."

"Are we ready then?"

"Yes mother", Bobbie and I said together again. Angie even said yeth, and it was so cute.

Mom drove us back to the shopping center, and we went to the same store. We went right to the register and told the lady that I needed my ears pierced.

"What is your name, dear?"

"Susan."

"Mine is Shannon, it is nice to meet you. Come over here and we will get started. What would style of studs would you like?"

"Angie, what earrings do you like? You can pick them out and I will wear them." I held her up to the display and she pointed to a beautiful pair of sapphire studs.

"Shannon, I'd like these, please." She opened the case and took out the sapphire studs.

I sat down on a high stool, and she took a small marker and marked each ear. Then she put this thing on my ears and I heard a pop and the studs were in. When my ears were pierced, I looked in the mirror and they looked absolutely beautiful.

"See Angie, Susie will wear these because you picked them out." I gave her a hug for picking out such beautiful studs.

"These are very beautiful Angie, thank you for picking them out."

"Welcome."

"Angie, would you like to get a nice dress?"

"Yeth."

"Then let's go." I took her hand and walked slowly so she could keep up.

There were very nice dresses for toddlers too. We went over to where they were, and started looking through them. Angela pointed to a very pretty dress. It was coral, and had puffed sleeves, and lace around the hem and the sleeves. This looked like a party dress, and every girl should have her own party dress. I looked at mom and she nodded. I took the dress off of the hanger and held it front of Angela. She would look very pretty in this dress.

"Angie dear, come over here and I will show you how it looks." I showed her in the mirror and she gave me a big hug.

"Would you like this dress, Angie?"

"Yeth, pleath."

I put the dress carefully across my left arm, and then we went to look for a dress for me. I would need the lingerie to go with it too and the shoes. When we got to the juniors section, I saw a really pretty lavender dress. It was one of those you could wear for everyday, or to a party, dinner, or any other occasion. It had a scoop neckline, an empire waist, and lace around the edges of the sleeves. It zipped in the back, and it flared out just enough to be very feminine. I went in the changing booth, and tried it on. It fit perfectly. I stepped out to show mom and Bobbie. Angela looked at me and then she said, "Suthie you look pretty."

I picked her up and gave her a hug, "Thank you, Angie."

I went back in the changing booth and changed into my regular clothes, and put the dress back on the hanger. I took Angie's dress and mine and draped them over my left arm, and I was ready to pick out the lingerie. We picked out one full slip and one half slip, one camisole, a packet of panty briefs, and then we needed shoes to go with the dress.

When we got to the shoe section, I saw a very nice feminine pair of black pumps with a bow on the front, with a sling back strap to around the back of your foot. I liked them and they were reasonable priced too. They only cost fifty-five dollars. But they were all leather, even the insole was leather. I liked them, and mom bought them for me. Then we asked Bobbie if she wanted anything.

"No thank you, I am having fun watching my two sisters having fun."

We left the store and headed back home, but on the way mom stopped by a supermarket and picked up two cornish hens and bag of red skinned potatoes. Mom said these were for dinner.

When we got home, mom shoved us upstairs to play while she worked her magic for a special dinner. Since daddy never went shopping with us, mom said he deserved something special too, and he just loved cornish hens for dinner. Bobbie, I, and Angela went upstairs, and we went in my room.

"Angie sweetie, I am putting your dress right here next to mine. When you go to a party, or have a party, or go to church, or just out with us, then you can wear it. Okay?"

"Yeth Suthie." She is so cute and especially when uses "th" sounds for "s" sounds. Well she is only two years old, and she will get out of it. I hung both dresses in our closet, and I put my lingerie away. Then I put on some records, and Angela was dancing by herself to the music in her own cute way. When the first record was over, Ricky Nelson's Be-Bop Baby was the next one. I picked Angela up, and danced with her until the song was over.

That is another nice thing about being a girl too. We can dance with each other, even in public and no one says anything. Oh, but don't let two boys or two men dance with each other though. They would be touted as sissies forever. Then I thought about when my birth mother was telling me I was a boy. It is a good thing that Friday is only a couple of days away. I cleaned Angela up and changed her, then mom was yelling for us to come down to dinner. When we got to the table, daddy said grace, and we all sat down. I put Angela on the phone books again, so she could sit at the table like a big girl. She may only be two years old, but she knows what she likes and basically does what she likes to too.

When dinner was over, I took Angela and set her in the living room, and told her to play nice while mom, auntie Bobbie and me cleaned up the dining room and the kitchen. I needn't have feared though because daddy was going to watch the news. It only took us fifteen minutes to clean everything up, including washing, drying, and putting the dishes away. We took one last glance around and we were all satisfied that everything was clean.

We went in the living room, and I looked over at Angela. She was playing nice and in her own little world. We sat down to watch the rest of the news, because there was a movie coming on that we wanted to watch. The movie was going to be a two and a half hour movie and was coming on early. When the movie started, I looked over at Angela and she was sound asleep. I picked her up very carefully and took her upstairs. I cleaned her up, and changed her diaper, and she went right back to sleep. This whole day tuckered her out. That was good in a way.

I went back downstairs to enjoy The Ten Commandments. I had just made it in time to hear Cecil B. DeMille give the introduction. I like these kind of movies because not only are they historical but they aren't boring either. When the intermission came on, I went to the kitchen and got a glass of juice. Then I went upstairs to check on Angela. She was still sleeping. I went back down to enjoy the rest of the movie.

When the movie was over, we all hugged and said good night, and I dragged myself to my room. I was really tired now, and bed seemed very inviting. I got my lavender nightgown and panty set, and went to take a bath. A nice soothing bubble bath. After making sure Angela was still asleep, I went to the bathroom.

I ran my bath water and put in a little lavender bubble bath, and let the suds foam up. I brushed my teeth, and just sat in the tub letting all the stress just wash away. I washed all over and pulled the plug. I rinsed what suds were left off with the shower head, and patted myself dry. I got into my nightgown and panty set, stepped in to my slippers, and went to bed.

Angela woke up about one o'clock in the morning, and said she needed a change. I cleaned her up and changed her, and then we both fell back asleep. It is so nice having a little one to look after, especially when she is my sister. The day after tomorrow was Friday.

My alarm clock went off, waking both Angela and I. I stepped in to my slippers and threw my robe on. I cleaned Angela and changed her and then took her downstairs to the kitchen. Mom was already up, and having a cup of coffee.

"Good morning mother," I said, giving her a nice hug. Angela gave her a hug too.

"Good morning, girls. Did you sleep well last night?"

"Yes mother, we did."

I sat Angela on the telephone books, and put some cereal in her little bowl, and then gave her her sippy cup with juice in it. Toddlers always play with their food. They make more of a mess than they eat. I giggled at the thought. I told mother I had to get my bath and dressed for school. She said that I had today and tomorrow off, because court was tomorrow.

Well if I was off of school, then I could be here to help with Angela. Mom pretty much let me take care of her when I was home, because she is my sister. I told mom I was going to take my bath and get dressed. She nodded and I went back upstairs.

I turned on the water, and put in a little jojoba bath foam. I went to get my clothes. Since I didn't have to go to school today, I decided on something simple. I took out my jeans with the full rose on the left back pocket, white under things, a simple white pullover sweater, and my black flats. I took the clothes and laid them on the bed, and put the shoes right under them on the floor. I went back in the bathroom, after grabbing my robe and slippers, and my under things.

I sat in the tub thinking about tomorrow. Tomorrow I have to testify what mother did all over again. I let the suds take all the stress out of me, and then washed all over. I rinsed off with the shower head, and patted dry. I put on my under things, and my robe, then stepped into my slippers. I went back to put a little makeup on, and get dressed. When I was completely dressed, I put my hair in a pony tail, and went back downstairs.

Angela was playing in the living room in her little area. I went in the kitchen to have my breakfast. I poured myself a glass of juice, and a glass of milk, and poured myself a bowl of cereal. I put two slices of bread in the toaster and got out the butter. After the toast was done, I spread a little butter on, and then a little peach preserves. I ate my breakfast, and talked to mom.

"Mom, I'm kind of nervous about having to go back in the court. Why did she have to do what she did?"

"Well dear, hopefully tomorrow we will find out.

I finished eating, and washed my dishes. After putting them away, I went in the living room to see what Angela was doing. She was playing with her dolls, and was having a good time. I turned the tv on to watch cartoons. But the only thing on this early was either soaps or news programs. I turned off the tv and went to my room to play records. I was dancing to Ricky Nelson's I'm Walkin' when Angela came in my room and started doing her kind of dancing. The way she moved was so cute. So I sat on my bed, and watched her dance. When the song was over, I clapped because she was soooooo cute. I gave her a hug.

"Angie, want to dance again?"

"Yeth, pleath."

I put on Ricky Nelson's Be Bop Baby and we both danced. She tried so hard to copy the way I was dancing, I couldn't help but smile.

"You are doing so good, Angie. Do you want me to teach you how to dance like I do?"

"Yeth, pleath."

For a two year old, she was very smart. She could talk her baby talk but we all understood her. But she tries so hard to copy me. She will be doing the twist by the time she is three if she keeps dancing to the music. So I put on a new record that Chubby Checker had just made called Let's Twist Again, and we both danced. I held her little hands and walked her around the room. She was really enjoying herself. I didn't see mom come up, but when the song was over, and we stopped dancing, she clapped her hands.

"That was good, you two. Angela, do you like dancing with Susie?"

"Yeth."

"Well, it's lunch time girls. Let's eat."

Angela took my hand and started to pull on my arm. "Come on Suthie, eat."

She is so cute. I hope she grows up just like me.

Lunch was Angela's favorite; peanut butter and jelly, with milk. I made a salad tho, because even though peanut butter is good and has a lot of protein, it is also very fattening if you eat too much. Besides I like my salads.

When we were finished eating, I took Angie in the bedroom and cleaned her up. I changed her diaper, and then put on her blouse with the rabbits, and her blue jean skirt. After getting her shoes and socks on, I took her back down to the living room. Bobbie and Cindy were in school, and I was really bored. Angela was playing with her dolls, and I went over to ask her if I could play too.

"Yeth, Suthie," she said beaming a big smile. She gave me a Barbie doll and said I was the sithter. She had a little problem pronouncing her esses, but that would come as she got older. We played until I heard Bobbie and Cindy behind us.

"So this is what you do when you're not in school. Can we play too?"

So we all played, and I told Angela that were friends all hanging out, and going to the "place" as we called the drug store where everybody hung out. I went and got her tea set, and we pretended were having Coke malteds and looking at the boys. Angela was having a good time, and I could see that she was very happy too. We played like this until it was dinner time, and we all went in the kitchen to see if we could help. Mom said we helped by keeping Angie busy. We were having beef roast, potatoes, carrots, celery, onions, and even a clove of garlic. Mom put them in a roaster and put the roaster in the oven.

This day was going fast, and I guess the saying time flies when you're having fun is true. Because when the oven stew was ready, mom cut up the roast and put a slice with everything on our plates. We sat there and talked about the day. Bobbie said she met someone at school, and wanted to know if she was too young to have a boyfriend. Bobbie, Cindy, and I are the same age, with a month between us. Bobbie was born a month before me, and Cindy was born a month after me. Mom said that as long as the boy didn't want anything special, it would be all right. But she wanted to meet this young man, so that both father and mother could see what kind of a boy he is.

"All right, mother, I will tell him. Daddy, what do you think?"

"I agree with your mother, punkin. We do have to meet this young man. You are only twelve years old. How old is this boy?"

"He's thirteen, daddy. But he's really nice."

"Honey, I know your father will agree, but some boys, and some men too, will act really nice just to get you to go steady with them, or even marry them, then they become abusive. We just want to make sure he is a decent young man."

"All right, daddy."

When we were finished eating, we cleaned up the dining room, washed, dried, and put the dishes away, and cleaned up the kitchen. Bobbie brought my assignements home, so I had homework to do. Bobbie, Cindy, and I went to my room and started on our homework, after being assured that mom would watch Angie for me. I put on a few records to listen to while we worked on our assignments.

Where does the time go? Mom came up and told Cindy that her father was here to pick her up, and that meant it was bedtime for us. I got out my black nightgown and panty set, and went to run my bath. I put a little bubble bath foam in and let the water make a mountain of suds. I just sat there thinking about tomorrow. When I had washed all over, I pulled the plug and rinsed off what suds were left. I patted dry, and got into my night clothes. I went back to my bedroom, and Angela as already asleep. Mom must have brought her up. I carefully got under the covers, so as not to wake Angie up. I was asleep in seconds.

 

---

 
 
Mom came in and woke me up, saying I should get my bath because this was the day we had to go to court. Mom had already taken Angie downstairs. I got up, and got my underthings out. Let me see, I think today is a lavender day, so I got out my lavender bra and panty set, a lavender half slip, and I got into my robe and slippers. I went to the bathroom to take my bath. I put in the plug, and added a capful of lavender bubble bath, and turned the water on. I brushed my teeth as the tub as filling up. I turned off the water and lowered myself slowly in to the tub. The sensation of the bubbles had an immediate effect on me.

I washed and rinsed, and then got out to drain the tub. I patted down and then lotioned and powdered myself, and got in to my underthings. I wrapped a dry towel around me, and went back to my room. I took out my lavender dress from my closet, and laid it on the bed. I picked up a pair of lavender pumps and set them on the floor under the dress.

I went to my vanity and sat down to put my makeup on. I couldn't wear eye makeup yet, but I could wear mascara and face powder. After getting that on, I stepped in to my dress, and zipped it up. I sput on my stockings, and stepped in to my shoes. I made sure that everything was straight, and went downstairs to have breakfast. I don't really eat a lot, so I had a slice of jelly toast, milk and orange juice. After washing, drying, and putting away the dishes, we went out to the car. We took Angela to the babysitter's, and we headed for the courthouse. Branch 32 of the circuit court was in room 324 on the third floor.

We found the courtroom without any problem, and we in and sat down. The district attorney was not Mr. Manian. This is a woman, and when she saw Mr. Marks, she came over and introduced herself.

"Good morning, I'm Kathy Sullivan. I will be prosecuting Mrs. Kelly. And you must be Susan," she said looking at me but smiling. "I am going to have to put you on the stand, after I call all my other witnesses. We have the doctors, their diagnostic reports and x-rays, and we have your friends too. Your friends Cindy and Bobbie and even you will be testifying just before the court, the jury, the attorneys and your mother. Because you are minors everybody else has to leave the courtroom.

"Anyway, all of the evidence is in our favor, and your mother doesn't stand a chance. She is facing five years in prison if she is convicted, and I am betting she will be."

"Couldn't she just go to a hospital and get help?" I asked pleadingly.

"Well young lady, what I heard about you is true. You only care about others, even if they have done you harm. That is amazing. I will tell you what I will do. When the jury comes back with a guilty verdict, I will recommend that she be sent to a hospital. If she was told you were a girl by the delivering doctor, and raised you as a boy, then she is in mental denial, and only saw the "son" she so badly wanted. That shows a mental aberration, and she will need psychiatric help for it. So anyway, it was nice to meet you Susan, I need to talk to Mr. Marks for a bit."

That was telling us to go back and sit down. There was a whole bench seat three rows back, and we all sat there and waited for us to be called. There was another case just before us, and I sat and listened. It didn't take long because it was a sentencing hearing. Then the bailiff called our case by state, county and case number, and then handed the judge what was called the docket. The judge looked through the file for a moment, and I saw him make a kinda wrinkly faces at what he read. When he looked up he addressed the people in the courtroom.

"Ladies and gentlemen, you are here today to be picked for jury duty, in the case that is now before the court. The attorneys will ask you questions, and make their selections. Those of you who are not picked for this trial, will be directed back to the jury commission wating area for reassignment. Miss Sullivan, are you ready to proceed?"

"Yes, your honor. Number 5, will you be able to render a just verdict of guilty, if the evidence shows that the defendant is indeed guilty?"

"Yes I can."

"Number 11, The same question, please?"

"Yes I can."

"Number 11, are you prejudice against women?"

"No."

As she went through the jury list, and then Mr. Connors had his turn, the jury was selected. It really only took two hours to get the jury.

"Your honor, also I am requesting that the witnesses be sequestered while another witness is testifying."

"Without objection. So ordered. All witnesses to this matter except the complaining witness and the defendant shall leave the courtroom, until they are called. You all may wait out in the hallway on the bench by the courtroom door. When you are called to testify, the bailiff will come to get you. You may continue, Miss Sullivan."

"For my first witness I call Dr. Allen Brinks to the stand." After he was sworn in, Miss Sullivan started asking her questions. "Dr. Brinks, have you ever had an occasion to come in contact with a child known as Susan Kelly?"

"Yes, I did."

"Would you please tell the court in your own words what that was about and why?"

"Susan was sent to me by her guardian Mrs. Granger for a physical examination."

"And did you examine Miss Kelly?"

"Yes I did."

"Please tell the court in your own words, what that examination, if anything, showed."

"All of Miss Kelly's organs are intact, and she is very healthy."

"Did your examination reveal anything else?"

"Yes it did."

"What if anything, did your examination show besides she is healthy?"

"It showed that she was missing testicles, and the area just above where the testicles would be was soft."

"Was there any further examination?"

"Yes there was."

"Will you tell this court what that further examination showed?"

"It showed that where the testicles were supposed to be, there was a void."

"Did you find out what that void was?"

"Yes ma'am, I did."

"What did you discover about the void."

"That what appeared to be a penis, was in fact just flacid skin covering a vaginal opening."

"Your honor, if the court please. I would at this time ask that anyone not connected with this case, leave the courtroom, because further testimony is going to get into the name of the minor in detail."

"Mr. Connors, any objection?"

"No, your honor."

"All right without objection, it is so ordered that anyone not connected with this case, please leave the courtroom. We are sorry, but this has now become a closed trial." People were getting up and leaving the courtroom. When they all had left, there was only me, my mother, the attorneys, the judge, jury, and court staff. Then the judge told Miss Sullivan to continue.

"Now Dr. Brinks, when you made this discovery, did you take any action?"

"Yes, I did."

"What action did you take when you made this discovery?"

"I told the child's guardian that she needed to be in the hospital as soon as possible so that we could remove this outer layer of skin."

"And was this outer layer of skin removed?"

"Yes ma'am, it was."

"Did you discover anything else after removing the outer layer of skin?"

"I didn't remove the layer of skin, Dr. Schneider did."

"Very well, then. No further questions, your honor."

"Mr. Connors, any cross?"

"Yes, your honor, thank you. Now Dr. Brinks, after you removed the child's penis, couldn't the blood you found be from the incision?"

"I didn't remove the layer of skin, sir, Dr. Schneider did."

"Just a yes or no will do, doctor. How can you tell the difference between blood from an incision, and blood from a girl's period?"

Dr. Brinks just shook his head in disbelief. "Sir, if you have ever seen blood from a female's menses, you would never forget it. The..."

"Thank you doctor, but that doesn't answer my question. How do you tell the difference?"

"Blood from an incision is clean, it can even be used in transfusions. Blood, menstrual blood, is full of impurities, and body waste materials that is being cleaned out of the woman's body through the menstrual process. Menstrual blood cannot be used for transfusions unless you want to cause the person's body to become infected with impurities. That is how you can tell the difference."

"No further questions, your honor."

"Dr. Brinks, you may step down. Miss Sullivan, will you have any further need of Dr. Brinks to testify?"

"I may need him your honor, for rebuttal purposes."

"All right. Dr. Brinks please join the other witnesses out in the hallway. Call your next witness, Miss Sullivan."

"I call Dr. Richard Schneider to the stand." Dr. Schneider came in and took the oath to tell the truth, and then sat down. "Dr. Schneider, are you a medical doctor graduated from a university medical school?"

"Your honor, the defense will stipulate to the witnesses credentials."

"So ordered, Mr. Connors. You may proceed Miss Sullivan."

"Dr. Schneider, have you had occasion to come in contact with anyone in this courtroom?"

"Yes, I have."

"Will you tell us who that person is, and what the occasion was for the contact?"

"Certainly. The young lady....."

"SHE'S NOT A YOUNG LADY YOU LYING BASTARD! SHE'S MY SON! MY SON!"

The judge pounded his hammer thing two times on his desk, and then looked directly at Mr. Connors. "Mr. Connors, you will restrain your client, or I will hold her in contempt of court, and make her serve county time before this trial resumes. Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal, your honor. I will talk to her and tell her not to disturb the court again."

"You may proceed, Miss Sullivan."

"Please finish what you were going to say, Dr. Schneider."

"Well the young lady in the light purple dress," (Cyndi, Bobbie, and I giggled), "sitting in the third row behind her mother, was the young lady I had had contact with."

"For the record your honor, the witness has identified Susan Marie Kelly. And the dress is lavender."

My mother picked that time to pick up her water glass, and throw the water at me. It missed, but the bailiff was ordered to remove my mother from the courtroom.

"Mr. Connors, in a bit I will bring your client back in and charge her with contempt of court. If she cannot pay the fine I give out, then she will serve county time. When her time is completed, this trial will resume. John, bring the defendant back in to stand before the bench." John brought mother in, and walked her to the front of the "bench" where Mr. Connors and Miss Sullivan also were standing.

"Miss Kelly, you are hereby charged with willful contempt of court. This court orders you to pay a fine of one hundred dollars, or thirty days in the county jail. Are you going to pay the fine, Miss Kelly?"

"What fine? For what? That person sitting right there is my son, and I don't care what kind of reports these doctors dreamed up, that is my son."

"Well, since you refuse to pay the fine of one hundred dollars, it is the judgement of this court, that you be taken to the county jail, women's division, and serve thirty days imprisonment for willful contempt of court. It is so ordered, and this trial will reconvene when the defendant has served her time in the county jail.

Mother was then led out of the courtroom, still trying to resist. Something is definitely wrong with mother, and maybe a psychiatrist can help her. Maybe. She is still on that "I am her son" kick, and I think it is already stale, if not seriously messed up. How can she say that I am a boy when it is proven that I'm not? Well we have a month to wait until mother gets out of jail. As were just ready to leave the courtroom, Miss Sullivan came over and talked to us.

"I'm sorry about what your mother did today. Now I see that she desperately needs a hospital instead of a prison. She is in such a denial about you being genectically female. I've seen all of the reports, and I am even calling the doctor that delivered you. Your mother may be doing this on purpose to go to a hospital, but since you yourself said that is where she should go, I will do what I can to get her there. What the judge saw today and so did everybody else, it wouldn't be much of an argument to get her committed to an indeterminate sentence. And don't worry Susan, when she gets to the hospital, she will be well looked after."

"I'm not worried Miss Sullivan, I just want her to get help."

"Well, I said it once and I will say it again. I am amazed at how forgiving you are at such a young age. Most children your age don't forgive anything. Anyway Susan, we have a month, well twenty three days if she gets out on good behavior. I will call you and let you know when you have to come back to court."

"Thank you, Miss Sullivan."

"For what, dear?"

"For understanding that mother needs to be in a hospital."

"That is not a problem, and you be good. I will call you when you have to come back."

"Bye Miss Sullivan."

"Bye Susan."

We left the courthouse and decided we were hungry. We went to IHOP for dinner. Did I mention that they had meals too besides just pancakes? I ordered the roast beef special, with salad, thousand island dressing, milk, and a slice of cherry pie for dessert. I took my small bites, and almost ate the whole meal, but there was some roast beef left on the plate. I was so full I thought I couldn't even eat my pie, so we had it place in a "doggy" bag and we took it home with us.

Nobody said anything. Even Bobbie and Cindy were quiet. When we got home, we all went inside. I put my pie in the refrigerator and went up to my room. All I could do was lie on my bed and cry. Bobbie and Cindy came up and just held me from both sides. They didn't say anything except, "shhhh, it's going to be alright." Mom came up and stooped down in front of me.

"Sue, we're all here for you. You know what I do when I get upset like this? I go shopping."

I couldn't help but smile, but it was a weak smile at best. Mom told me to just settle down a bit, and we will go shopping. She said she wanted to get me a few things anyway. I mean, I already have enough dresses, skirts, tops, shoes, jeans, petal pushers, shorts, lingerie, several nightgowns in long, teddy, and baby doll styles. But as mom, Bobbie, and Cindy keep telling me, a girl can never have too many clothes or shoes. I would like to get a few more pieces of jewelry though. Mom said the dress I was wearing was good enough to go shopping in, and I just looked at her with wide eyes.

"Are you kidding, mom? If I went shopping in this after wearing it all day, I'd simply die." I got a hug from all three of them, and I went to take a shower, using my perfumed soap. When I came back I put on my lingerie which was just simple white, and sat down to do my makeup. Oh god girl! Major repair time here. My eyes looked like one of those demons you see on the late show. If I had contacts, I could cover the redness up, but I don't need glasses of any kind. So I looked at Bobbie and Cindy, who said if I can use moderate makeup and mascara, that should distract anyone from my eyes. When I finished putting my makeup on, I just got in to a pair of jeans, a nice pink top that said, "girls rule", and put on my knee high socks and calf high, black boots. Bobbie brushed out my hair, and put one clip by each ear, and one big clip on the back. I was ready to go shopping.

When we were all set, we went downstairs and joined mom in the car. She backed out of the driveway, and we headed out of town. She said we were going to a very exclusive shoppe in the next town. They catered to girls and women of every size and shape. When we got there, mom was able to park near the door. As we went went in a little bell above the door rang. A lady about mom's age came from the back of the store. When she saw mom, she had said in a surprised voice.

"Anna! It is so good to see you. How have you been, and who is this delightful child?"

"She is going to be living with us. This is Susan, Carla, and she is going to be my adopted daughter."

"Is she one of your foster children, then?"

"No Carla, Susan is one of Bobbie's best friends. Susan's mother is in jail right now, but stands a good chance of losing her freedom for a number of years. We're going to adopt her, so she has a family to care for her."

"Well young lady, you will have a good mother. Anna takes care of her family."

"I know she does. I have known the Grangers since I was in kindergarten. That's where I met Bobbie."

"Well, welcome to my little boutique. What can I do for you today?"

"She has had a very emotional day, today, and I want to get her a special dress."

"I have just the thing. Follow me."

She led us to the back of the store, and over to a rack that had plastic covers over the gowns and dresses. She picked out a teal chiffon semi formal dress, and told me to go and try it on. I went in the changing room she had for private fittings, and I put the dress on. I stepped out from the changing booth, so they could see me in it. Both put their hands over their mouths.

"Child, let me look at you," Carla said almost out of breath. She looked at me by walking around me, and then told mom she wanted to do a little something with my hair. After she was finished, she stepped back, and looked at me with wide eyes. "You look like an angel. How old are you Susan?"

"I'm twelve ma'am."

"You look like you are very grown up in that dress, with that hairdo. What do you think Anna?"

"She looks very pretty," mom said, beaming with pride.

"Will there be anything else, Anna? How about a present from me?"

"What kind of present?" I asked coyly.

"How about a nice necklace? A young girl like you needs something to make her look stunning when she is wearing a dress like this. Let me see what I have."

We went over to a counter that had all kinds of jewelry in it. She picked out a sliver necklace, and put it around my neck. Then she told me to look in the mirror. I walked over to the full length mirror, and even I had to gasp.

"This is just ... all so ... beautiful. Than ... you."

She smiled because I was starting to cry. "Child, there is no thanks necessary. It is my gift to you. Will there be anything else, Anna?"

"Yes, I want to get her a couple of skirts and tops for school."

"Does she wear a school uniform?"

"No, she doesn't. She goes to a public school with Bobbie and her friend Cynthia Marks."

"Mr. Marks daughter? Well I know Cindy. They come here when they want something special too. You have very nice friends young lady. Now I know you will be in good hands. Is Cindy's father representing you with your difficulties with your mother?"

"Yes, ma'am, he is."

"Good. Well come over here then, oh, uhm go and take that dress off, and put it by the cash register. Then when you are dressed, come over there," she said with a wave of her hand, "and we will see what we can get you."

When I joined them a few minutes later, they were talking about some of the skirt sets that were also in plastic covers. One was a green, red, and white checked tartan skirt, and the blouse was white. I went and tried the set on, and it fit like a glove. The skirt came to just a little above my knees, and the blouse was made to be tucked in. I looked at myself in the mirror, and I liked what I saw. I stepped out to show them, and mom said that I "looked very pretty in that outfit". I tried on two more skirt sets, and the skirts were just above my knees. The second set was a lavender skirt, with a lilac blouse, and the other one was just a simple black, A-line and the blouse was a teal tuck in, that buttoned in the back. Mom paid for them all, and Carla helped us take them out to the car. Mom and Carla hugged, and then Carla gave me a hug too.

"Remember child, Anna will take good care of you."

"She has, for a long time. Thank you for the necklace Carla. I will take very good care of it."

"Of that, I have no doubt. Good luck, Susan."

"Thank you, ma'am."

Mom drove us back to the house, and along the way I looked at all the fields, the streams, the animals. I was kind of just twirling the necklace absent-mindedly and thinking of what Carla had said. She was very nice, and she even gave me this necklace as a present. This was almost pure silver, and the pendant had a silver rose in the center. It was a beautiful necklace, and I didn't dare ask how much it would have cost, because Carla owned a very exclusive boutique and she had only the finest clothes and jewelry. When we got to the house, Bobbie and Cindy came out and helped me take my things to my room.

"I am just dying to ask you sis. Where did you get that fabulous necklace?"

"Mom took me to Carla's and bought me this dress, these skirt sets, and Carla gave me this necklace as a present. Oh, and Cindy, she said to tell you hi, and don't be a stranger."

"She is nice, isn't she?"

"Very."

"I'm going to put this in my jewelry box. You can both borrow it from time to time, if you want. After all, we have been sisters like forever. And sisters share." They both gave me hugs, and then we sat on my bed just talking animatedly about this and that. Even if the day started out sad, it ended up a very happy one. I put on a few records, and we all just danced, and swayed to the sound of Ricky Nelson.

---

 
To Be Continued...

 

---

 
 
Part I - Court reconvenes.

It is amazing how a whole month can go by without you even knowing about it. Mom said Miss Sullivan called, and we are to be in court on Monday morning at eight o'clock. She said that my birth mother was out of jail, and the judge has ordered the trial to resume. I only hope my birth mother doesn't do anything dumb this time. It is really sad though that she can't see what everybody else sees. But we will hopefully get it all settled this time.

When Monday came, Mom woke us all up and told us to get our baths ready. Bobbie and I decided to save time that we would bathe together. She told me girls do that quite often. So we decided on a floral bouquet bubble bath, and she sat at one end of the tub, and I sat at the other. We just let the suds soak in for awhile, and then we both washed and rinsed. We wrapped towels around us after getting in to our lingerie, and headed for our rooms to get dressed.

I sat at my vanity and put on what little makeup I was allowed, and then got out my cream colored cotton dress, and my nylons, and my cream colored Mary Janes. I put my stockings on and stepped into my dress. I then put my Mary Janes on and fastened the strap. I looked at myself in the mirror, and made sure everything was straight. I went downstairs and only had a slice of jelly toast, a glass of mik, and a glass of orange juice. Mom always made sure we took a vitamin, because she said that our bodies need the extra help because our vitamin levels are lower than a man's.

After we were finished with the dishes, it was time to go to the courthouse. When we got there, we were met by Miss Sullivan just outside the courtroom door.

"Susan, we think it is better if you all sit in the very last row by the door. This way your mother can't get to you. We have a whole bench reserved just for your family. So let's go on in, and see what happens today." We went in the courtroom and sat down.

John, the bailiff called the case, reminding the judge that this is continued from the month before giving the date. The judge nodded that he understood, and told John to bring in the defendant. When mother was brought in, the judge addressed her very sternly.

"Miss Kelly, I want to know right now if you are going to show some decorum in this courtroom today and not disrupt the proceedings. It doesn't matter what you think at this point, because all we are doing is collecting evidence. The trier of fact is actually the jury, who after hearing all of the testimony and looking at all of the evidence will make their decision. Do you understand what I just said?"

"Yes."

"Then we will proceed. John call the jury in, please." The jury came in a sat in the jury box.

"Miss Sullivan, you may proceed."

"Thank you, your honor. I call Dr. Richard Schneider to the stand." Dr. Schneider sat in the witness stand and after being told by the judge that he was still under oath, told Miss Sullivan to proceed. "Dr. Schneider, so we are all clear, will you please remind us as to why you had contact with Miss Susan Kelly.?"

"Susan was referred to me by Dr. Allen Brinks."

"Why was the child referred to you?"

"Because when I had talked to Dr. Brinks, I was told that the child was genetically female, but had an overgrowth of skin covering her vagina."

"Did you treat the child then?"

"Yes I did. I learned from Dr. Brinks that Susan's mother was raising her as a boy. After I did a sonogram I discovered that Susan Marie Kelly had all of the normal internal organs of a female. I then ordered her to be operated on to remove the dead layers of skin that covered her vagina."

"Did you discover anything else."

"Yes, I did."

"What did you discover?"

"That when the dead layers of skin were removed, the child was menstruating. I ordered the nurse to talk to the child and let her know what was going on, because I didn't want the child to unnecessarily panic, because she was bleeding after the surgery."

"Dr. Schneider are you an OB/GYN?"

"No, I am a surgeon that mainly corrects birth defects in children and adults."

"Did you have an OB/GYN examine Susan Kelly?"

"Yes, I did."

"And who was the doctor?"

"Dr. Elaine O'Keefe."

"And do you know if Dr. O'Keefe examined the child?"

"Yes, she did."

"And were you present during that examination?"

"Your honor, I object to this entire line of questioning. It is hearsay."

"Miss Sullivan?"

"Yes, your honor, I intend on putting Dr. O'Keefe on the stand to verify what Dr. Schneider is saying."

"Then the objection is overruled. You may answer the question, doctor."

"Your honor, I..."

"Your objection is duly noted Mr. Connors. Proceed Miss Sullivan."

"Thank you, your honor. Were you present when Dr. O'Keefe did her examination?"

"Yes I was, as was the child's guardian."

"What, if anything, did Dr. O'Keefe find during her examination?"

"Objection, your honor, calls for a conclusion."

"Sustained. Continue Miss Sullivan."

"Thank you, your honor. I have no further questions for this witness."

"Any cross, Mr. Connors?"

"Yes, your honor. Isn't it a fact, that the blood you thought was menstrual blood, was in fact from the incision to remove the child's penis?"

"Mr. Connors, I am a doctor of medicine, and a surgeon. Are you going to stand there and tell me I don't know a penis from a graph of skin?"

"If it gets to the truth, yes."

"Objection your honor, badgering the witness."

"Sustained."

"Your honor," Miss Sullivan implored. "May we approach?"

"Yes, by all means. Sidebar of you please."

Both attorneys went over to the side of the judge's desk, and were talking in hushed tones. I could see Mr. Connors using his hands a lot, and Miss Sullivan looking at him like he was an alien from Invasion of the Body Snatchers. They talked for a long time, and the judge sat up, and both attorneys went back to their tables.

"You may proceed, Miss Sullivan."

"Thank you, your honor. Your honor, at this time I have a motion to present outside the presence of the jury."

"Alright Miss Sullivan. Ladies and gentlemen, please retire to the jury room until this motion is heard and decided." When the jury left the courtroom, Miss Sullivan made her motion.

"Your honor, I move the court to dismiss the jury, and find the defendant guilty on the charge of attempting to assault a minor, based on the evidence presented to this court."

"Mr. Connors, any objection?"

"Yes, your honor. My client has just informed me that sonograms can hide the genitals of the person being examined. We also have our experts too, that I am going to put on the stand."

"Miss Sullivan, have you presented all of your evidence to the court?"

"No, your honor. Not yet, but the evidence in testimony, and in documents already filed shows beyond a reasonable doubt that Susan Marie Kelly is genetically female, and that the mother has ignored that fact for twelve years. Almost thirteen. Also your honor, my next exhibit will be the sonogram that was taken of Susan Kelly, that shows genetic female organs."

"Mr. Connors, do you wish to continue with your defense?"

"Yes, your honor," he said sounding like he had just been hit by a Mack truck. Miss Sullivan turned, and gave us a wink.

"John, you may call the jury back in." When the jury came back in, the judge told Miss Sullivan to continue.

"Thank you, your honor, I call Dr. Elaine O'Keefe to the stand." This doctor was pretty, and she had her hair in a high pony tail, and wore a teal blue, print skirt, with a rose top. She took the stand and was sworn in. "Dr. O'Keefe, are you a doctor of medicine?"

"Yes, I am."

"What is your specialty?"

"I am an OB/GYN."

"Now, did you ever have an occasion to examine a child by the name of Susan Marie Kelly?"

"Yes I did."

"Will you tell the court in your own words, what the examination was, and what you found?"

"I examined the vaginal area both outside and inside, and I found no abnormalities. I saw that her vaginal canal was genetically normal, and then I ordered a sonogram to be done immediately."

"And what if anything, did the sonogram show?"

"It showed that Susan Marie Kelly is genetically female, and that all of her internal organs are intact."

"Doctor, while you are under oath, do you to a certain degree of medical certainty, certify that the minor, Susan Marie Kelly is in fact a genetic female?"

"Yes, ma'am, I do."

"Your honor, I submit into evidence, plaintiff's exhibit six." Mr. Connors got up and looked at the sonogram pictures. After stating no objection, the sonogram pictures were admitted in to evidence.

"Mr. Connors?"

"I have just talked to my client your honor, and she wishes to change her plea."

"Miss Sullivan, any objections?"

"No, your honor."

"Ladies and gentlemen, please retire to the jury room, so we may hear this motion." The jury got up and left the courtroom.

"All right Mr. Connors, you may proceed."

"Thank you, your honor. The defendant wishes to change her plea to guilty by reason of mental disease and defect."

"Miss Kelly, is this your wish to change your plea to guilty by reason of mental disease and defect?"

"Yes."

"And do you make this change of plea freely and without threats of any kind?"

"Yes."

"Then it is the judgment of this court, that you be sent to the state hospital for thirty days observation. It is so ordered, and this court stands in recess for two hours. John bring back the jury, please."

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, your services are no longer required in this trial. You are hereby dismissed." The jury got up, and as they left the courtroom, they smiled at me, and nodded.

What just happened? Mother said she was guilty but didn't know what she was doing? I don't buy that. Miss Sullivan came over and talked to us.

"Well, we got her to a hospital. Don't worry Sue, she will be well looked after. When she comes back for regular sentencing, I will call you and let you know when. You have stood up to this very well, Sue, and I am very proud of you."

"Thank you, ma'am."

"Oh, just call me Kathy," she said with a smile, and gave me a hug.

We left the courthouse, and I was hungry, so I asked if we could go to the Copper Kettle for lunch. Everybody agreed, and we all got in the car, and headed for the south side of town. The Copper Kettle has nice food, and they don't charge much. Besides, I wanted to see our friend Vickie. Vickie's mom owns the restaurant, and she just hangs around there during the summer months, or after school, until her mom takes her home.

When we got to the restaurant, Daddy had to park in the back kinda, and we walked almost the whole parking lot until we got to the front door. Daddy. I like the sound of that. Bobbie, and Cindy rode with us, and the Marks drove in their car. We went in, and Vickie saw us before the hostess did. She asked the hostess to bring seven menus, and she would get the water. Vickie took us to a booth that was away from all of the chattering eavesdroppers. We sat down, and the hostess gave us our menus, and Vickie brought the water over. She went over by the waitress station and said something to a waitress who looked like she was still in school.

When she came over she introduced herself as Jen, and that she would be our waitress. "Would you like to order now, or do need a few more minutes?"

"I will have the grilled chicken dinner, with salad, French dressing, and a large Milk." Bobbie, Cindy, Mom, and Mrs. Marks ordered the same. Both of the men ordered as much fat and calories as they could.

"I will have the King burger, with French fries, and coffee," Daddy said smiling. Mr. Marks ordered the same.

"Looks like I'll have to work this off on the tennis court." We all giggled, Daddy laughed, and Mr. Marks just smiled.

Jen brought our orders over after a bit, and set them in front of us. It didn't take a rocket scientist to know which order was whose, because we girls ordered the same thing, and the guys ordered the same burger meal for them. Vickie brought over our sodas, and coffee, because we wanted to wait until the food came before we got our drinks. After Jen and Vickie left, we talked while we ate.

"I think everything went well today, Sue. I was surprised at your mother changing her plea, but in light of the evidence, and the plea she made, I have no doubt she will be committed indefinitely to the department, and sent to the state hospital. I..."

"Excuse me, Mr. Marks. What department?"

"It is called the Department of Health and Social Services, and they run residential treatment centers, and the state hospitals. They also run the welfare programs, and employee social workers for the different counties in the state. Your mother will be committed to the state hospital for our county, and she will be well looked after."

"You know, I am sad for her. Why doesn't she listen to anybody?"

"Well, I think when Miss Sullivan, Kathy, submitted the sonogram as evidence, she didn't have a choice then. If she were found guilty by the jury she could have gone to prison. But your mother this way, will get the help she needs. She could be out in a short time, but I doubt that, because she needs extensive therapy and observation. Indefinitely, Susan, means she will be there until the doctors feel she is sane enough to go back out in society as a productive person."

"Can I go and see her, please?"

They all looked at each other, and then at me. Everybody was smiling, when Mr. Marks told me that he didn't see any reason why not. But he also said that the visits will have to be chaperoned, so that my mother didn't harm me. He said this way too, he can see if she is responding to treatment. But he also said that mother was like a fox, cunning and calculating. So when I did go and see her, he would take me.

"You know Sue, you must be one of the elite, because you have such a pure heart and you are so forgiving to everyone, even those that harm you. Like Kathy said, you are a sweet child." Bobbie and Cindy both went, "ehem", and then Mr. Marks corrected himself. "Present company included of course." Bobbie, Cindy and I just giggled. But I was still sad for mother though.

---

 
 
Part I - Susan visits her mother.

It has been two weeks since mother's trial. I was lying on my bed just reading one of my teen mags about Ricky Nelson, when mom came in and said Mr. Marks was downstairs. I went down and saw Mr. Marks talking to daddy. He greeted me with a smile as he saw me come in the living room.

"Well Sue, it looks like we can get you to see your mother on Saturday. Would that be okay?"

"Yes, sir. I just hope she isn't angry at me any more."

"Child, nobody in their right mind could ever be angry with you. You have the soul of an angel, always thinking well of others, even those that have harmed you. There aren't many children like you any more. You just continue being you, because we all love you the way you are."

I gave her a big hug. "Thanks, mom, and I love all of you, too.

I was happy that I could get to see my mother. I only hope that when she sees me, she won't yell at me. I sat down on the chair directly across from Mr. Marks and daddy. Mom was making coffee and getting snack crackers for us to snack on. Mr. Marks was a nice man, and he was like a father to me too. Both families have known me since I was in kindergarten with Bobbie and Cindy. It is good I got to live with the Grangers because Bobbie was like a real sister. Mom was a foster mother and has had many children come and go through her home. I wasn't worried though, because if Mr. Marks had his way, he would get mom and daddy to adopt me and Angela.

Mom brought in coffee for the adults, and lemonade for us. She had a saucer with Ritz crackers on them, and cheese slices. Daddy had to be funny and made a triple decker. Bobbie, Cindy, and I looked at each other. We giggled.

"What's so funny?" Daddy asked still chewing his snack.

"You are daddy," Bobbie replied still giggling. "I mean, a triple decker? Wow." We all giggled again. Daddy turned red. It was funny.

"Well, I really came over here to tell Susan the good news. But Sue, when we go there, you will sit across from her, I will be in between, and one of the hospital staff will be there too. I'm told by the hospital that your birth mother is not doing so well. She keeps to herself, and so far has resisted any effort at therapy. Her doctor told me that she isn't going to force her to sit in a group, and will hopefully attend group on her own. She said it will take time, because your birth mother seems traumatized by what happened in court.

"So, for this and other visits, we will have to chaperone them, to make sure she doesn't harm you. If she is resisting going to therapy, and doing other productive things, there is no telling what she is thinking. Her doctor has given her medicine to calm her down, but even the doctor said that sometimes a strong will can overcome the effects of the medicine, and your birth mother certainly has a strong will."

Mr. Marks said before he left that Cindy could spend the night. He gave me, Bobbie and Cindy a big hug and left. I was worried that mother wasn't doing what was good for her. Maybe after seeing me for a few visits will change all of that. I certainly hope so.

Mom came in and said we should get ready for bed, and then we could come back down and watch television for a bit. We all went to Bobbie's room, with a stop by mine to get my baby doll and my robe and slippers. Then we all went to Bobbie's room, and changed. We sat there for a while just talking about what Mr. Marks said. I told them why I was worried. Cindy said not to worry because her father would make sure she couldn't harm me. That wasn't my real worry though. I was worried that she wouldn't let the doctor help her. That would mean she would be there longer. I am going to see if I can't get her to go to group therapy. My birth mother never hit me, just yelled a lot. But would she hit me now, or at least try because of where she is, and blame me for all of this? That was a worry but not one that couldn't be handled. I just want her to get the help she needs. We talked a little more about nothing really, when mom came up and said it is was time we went to sleep. We giggled, and she turned out the lights.

The week went by fast, and I was ready to see mother. I just hope she can see that this is for her own good. Mr. Marks was already in the kitchen when I got my breakfast. I just had a slice of grape jelly toast, milk, and juice. After rinsing my dishes, he asked me if I was ready. I said I was as ready as I will ever be, and we went out to the car after giving mom and daddy a big hug and telling them I love them. When I got out to the car, I saw Bobbie and Cindy sitting in the back seat.

"Are they going too?"

"Yes ma'am. They won't be allowed in the visiting room, but I figured you needed all the support you can get right now. Besides, I don't quite fit the physical for girl talk."

We giggled because Mr. Marks was funny. But he was right, I could sure use Bobbie and Cindy's support right now. I wondered too if I was doing the right thing in seeing mother this soon. I mean it has only been a little over two weeks since she has been there. But I was also told by Mr. Marks that this was only the observation period, and not the actual sentence. Mr. Marks said if mother didn't respond to treatment, she could still go to prison. I was worried for her. She just doesn't know how lucky she is; first of all still be able to get us back, and second to be able to be in the hospital instead of prison. The only thing I know about prison is from prison movies. But if that is the way prisons are, then she needs to be in the hospital. I'm going to have to make sure she realizes that.

And I thought about what Mr. Marks said too about her having a strong will. She could just be doing this to make the doctors have the judge commit her to the hospital. I had never seen the inside of a real psychiatric hospital, so when we got there, we were taken on a tour. We were showed patients doing several different things in what they called the crafts room. I saw patients that seemed like they were in a different world. I asked about them, and I was told that they were on so much medication that it kept them calmed down so they wouldn't hurt themselves or others. I just hoped mother wasn't like these.

We got to the building where mother was, and we were told to sit in the visiting room. Mother was brought in by a woman that looked like a nurse. I was told she was called a matron. Mother was directed to sit across from me at a table. Mr. Marks was between us, and the matron stood behind mother. I sat there for a few minutes trying to think of what to say. I mean, it's funny, I had everything all planned out, and now I couldn't even think of how to start. Then I just wanted to get the visit started, so I asked how she was.

"How do you think I am? I'm in this god awful place, and they want me to tell my story to total strangers. I'm not used to this. The doctor is giving me medicine to keep me calmed down. She is afraid I will hurt myself. She wants me to get used to basket weaving as we call it here. That just means they want to keep us busy."

"Are you still angry at me?"

"I should be. You're the one that caused all of this. But the medicine has me so calmed down, I can't even think straight half the time." I looked at Mr. Marks, but he just shook his head. "And this, the chaperoned visits. It only proves they don't trust me. Ronnie you were always a good boy, and you never gave me any reason to punish you..."

Mother didn't get to finish. Mr. Marks told mother that the visit was over, and he nodded to the matron, who took mother back to wherever it was she had to go. Mr. Marks didn't say anything until we got in the car.

"I'm sorry, Susan, maybe this was too early. I will keep in touch with the doctor to see how she is doing. Maybe you can come back to visit after the judge commits her to the hospital. I certainly wasn't expecting anything less than what she said. She still either can't see what she has done wrong, or she is very calculating and making sure people see her as mentally ill. Whatever her reason, I could see that this wasn't getting anywhere. So let's hold off on the visits until the judge has comitted her, and she has been there for a while. Anyway, girls, who's hungry?"

We all said we were, but I wasn't, not really. I was worried that she might be resisiting therapy, but I had no idea she still thought of me as a boy. I mean, how can she still think of me as a boy, when everything says I'm not. I wondered if I had to get pregnant just to prove to her how female I really am. I got rid of that thought as quickly as it entered my mind. I'm not even in high school yet. I told Mr. Marks we could stop for something to eat but I wasn't really hungry.

"I mean, she called me Ronnie and called me a good boy. I'm not too hungry, I will eat something, but not a lot. My tummy feels weird. I mean, why can't she see what she has done wrong? Or maybe she can, and that's the whole point. She wants people to think she is mentally ill, so she doesn't have to go to prison. And she didn't even ask about Angela. She didn't ask how I was doing, or anything else. Does she really hate us that much?"

"That is a good question, Sue," Bobbie said looking at me with concern. "But we love you. You have been my sister for longer than just dressing up once in a while. Now everybody can see why you dressed up, except for your birth mother. But mom loves you and daddy loves you, and you also have Cindy and her family too. It's like wow, girlfriend, you have won the whole rainbow not just the pot of gold. So tell you what. Let's forget this day for a long while, and just get back to having fun. After all, isn't that what being a girl is all about, having fun?"

"Bobbie is right Sue," Cindy added looking worried about me too. "Your birth mother may never accept that she is the one who did wrong. She wants to blame somebody for her wrongs, and you were elected, because in her mind, you are the one that is wrong. We all know, Sue, that your birth mother was doing wrong anyway, but now, she can't even accept the responsibility. She will never get out of the hopsital Sue, if she keeps blaming everybody but herself.

But I was worried. Everything was going just fine until I started feeling this emotional rollercoaster and then she got angry at me more and more, and yelled constantly at me. I started crying, and Bobbie and Cindy just hugged me, and Cindy told her father to just take us home, so I could settle down. When we got to the house I just ran to my room. Mom was right behind me, with Bobbie and Cindy following. I really didn't want to talk to anyone right now, I just wanted to cry. Mom held my head on her breast and gently rocked me back and forth, telling me it was going to be all right. I don't know how long I had cried, or when I fell asleep, but when I woke up, I felt like I had slept all night, and it had only been a couple of hours. I still felt drained though.

I went down to the living room, and Mr. Marks was still there. Mother saw me, and came over by me.

"How are you feeling, dear?"

"I feel fine, except I feel drained."

"Well, you have been through a lot today emotionally. Mr. Marks told me what happened with the visit. Honey, I agree with Mr. Marks that maybe you should hold off until after the judge has committed her formally. Right now she is still in the pre-sentence observation stage. She will be back in a couple of weeks to face the actual sentence. Now Sue, sweetie, I want you to know that despite our best efforts, she may still go to prison. See, originally she was charged with child abuse and neglect, and depending on the severity, could be a felony, which is what she faced. Now she is acting like she didn't know or realize what she did, and wants everybody to see her as mentally ill. But whatever her reasoning or lack of it, what she said to you today was not entirely unexpected. We will see how things go when she comes back."

"What is a felony?"

"Well there are two classifications of crime; misdemeanors and felonies. Misdemeanors are crimes like speeding, or jaywalking. Felonies are serious crimes that people can be sent to prison for one year or more. It depends on how severe the crime is if a person is charged with one or the other. Your mother ignored the fact that you are genetically female for almost thirteen years. This isn't just a passing mistake, this is a willful violation of your right to be brought up like a girl, instead of the boy she wanted you to be. Honey, we all love you here. You have been a part of our family ever since you met Bobbie in kindergarten.

"Why, I remember when you spilled ice cream on your good shirt, and we had to give you one of Bobbie's to wear until yours was cleaned. You looked so cute then," she said rubbing noses with me. "That was when Bobbie had the idea, that the next time you came over she was going to see what you looked like completely dressed as a girl. Except for the short hair, you were beautiful. Of course, I wasn't supposed to know anything about it. So you see, Sue, everybody loves you for you. It doesn't really matter I guess now, what your birth mother thinks anymore. She's made her bed and now she has to lie in it, short sheets and all. Do you think it is a good idea for you to be at the sentencing? I mean she could try to get to you. Although we will be there with you, she could still try. I think it would be best if you didn't go to the sentencing."

"But I want to go, mom. She isn't a bad person, I know she isn't. I want her to know that I am there." I pleaded, but I really didn't have to, because Mrs. Granger, mom, would let me go anyway. But she also cautioned me that the whole two families would be there to make sure I was protected, even though the court bailiff was a deputy sheriff. I fell asleep again with mother holding me. When I woke up, Bobbie and Cindy were sitting in the chairs across from me.

"It's about time you woke up, sleepyhead. Sue you have been sleeping a lot lately, and we are worried that you could be getting depressed. I have seen it in others that mother has fostered, and it isn't good. We need to get you into shopping again and having fun. And we will be there with you. Sue, you're our sister, and we love you. But you need to come out of that 'if I sleep I'm protected' shell. That's what mother calls it when the kids she fosters get so sad they get depressed. So please, if you want to go shopping, just ask, and we will go with you. We know that this thing with your mother has you down, but perk up girlfriend, we're here for you."

"Thank you Bobbie. Thank you both. Everybody has been so kind. I mean, what did I ever do to my birth mother that she denied me to be raised how I was born? That doesn't make any sense, and what she said to me at the hospital shows she still thinks of me as a boy. That's what hurts the most. She doesn't even think of me as a girl." I broke down again, and this time mom came in to see how I was doing. She sat down on the bed, and held me, while Bobbie and Cindy gave me hugs, and told me everything is all right now.

Mom rocked me back and forth and made soothing sounds to calm me down. She kept telling me over and over, that my birth mother needed a lot of help, and if she kept thinking of me as a boy, then she would never leave the hospital. She said because it is a court commitment that the hospital would be sending regular reports to the district attorney's office, and they would inform the court if my birth mother was progressing in treatment or not.
 
 
Part II - There is a storm on the horizon
 
 
When the sun came up, I was in my bed, in my Minnie Mouse pajamas. I got up and looked out of the window. The robins were in the yard, so I opened the window to hear them sing. One flew up on my window sill and just sat there chirping away. I smiled as I got dressed, because this robin had to be used to people. She or was it a he, wasn't afraid of my movements. I hummed along with the robin, and it was a glorious morning. I told the robin I had to close my window because it was actually getting cold outside. The robin flew back to the nest in the tree, and I closed the window. I went downstairs to the kitchen. As I sat down with my breakfast of a slice of jelly toast, milk, and juice. Mom asked me how I felt.

"I feel fine, I guess. I don't think it would be good for me not to see mother. I mean what she said hurt, and was unexpected for me, but she has to get used to seeing Susan. She has to know that I am not the boy she thought I was and never was. Mom, she needs my help, and I have to help her as much as possible."

"Are you sure, sweetie? I mean, you were a total wreck when you got back from that visit. Don't you think you should wait maybe a few months so that maybe she can take advantage of the therapy programs the hospital has to offer? Susan I was worried when you went to see your mother. Even though the hospital can protect you to a degree from her, it is still not safe for you to go and see her. Not right now anyways. In a couple of weeks we will see just what the judge says and what the doctor's reports recommend. Like I said Susan, she could still go to prison as a convicted criminal rather than a mentally ill person."

"I know I was upset yesterday, and I know that she is still going to call me a boy. But now that I know that, I can help her. I can. Please mom, let me go to see her, at least on a Saturday or a Sunday." I had said this pleadingly, because I really do want to help my birth mother get well. I think if she continues to see Susan, then she will know that she did wrong, and should have listened to the doctor that delivered me. I don't understand why she didn't, and maybe only my birth mother will know. But I am her daughter, and she needs my help. What was that line...blood is thicker than water? I guess so.

"Anyways mom, my birth mother is just mixed up about certain things. I mean, she never taught me right from wrong. I got that from you and Cindy's parents too. You have all taken me in not only in the house, but in your hearts too, and I will always be grateful for that. But my birth mother is in my heart too, and she needs what little help I can give her."

"Child, you are one in a million. I will tell you what, I will talk to Mr. Marks about what you said. I will see if he can get some type of program your mother will actually take part in. And maybe we can have as a part of that treatment that she can see you, and talk to you without anyone interferring.

We talked a little more, and then looking around the kitchen to make sure everything was clean and tidy, I got my coat and we went off to church. I prayed that mother would be able to see what she did wrong, and be able to accept me as the girl I was born as. I prayed too that she take part in whatever therapy the hospital had to offer, and that she wouldn't go to prison because she wasn't really a bad person.

The next two weeks went by in flurry. I slept a lot, and sulked, and stayed to myself. Bobbie and Cindy were always there though, and never complained about staying with me. They knew the reasons why I was in this state. The district attorney called us to say mother would be in court on Monday for her final sentencing. I prayed again that she go to the hospital instead of a prison.

I went downstairs Monday morning after getting dressed in what seemed like a fog. I wasn't very hungry so I just had juice and milk. After the kitchen was cleaned up, we headed for the courthouse. How was this going to turn out? Mother was really mixed up and needed help, but would the doctors tell the judge that. Well, whatever happens today, I will still love her and I will still try to help her through visits.

When we got to the courthouse, Kathy was standing outside the courtroom door talking to mother's attorney. When she saw us coming, she came over and greeted us.

"Well thank you for coming. Susan are you going to be strong through this? Let me just say this though, the doctors at the hospital did not file a good report. They are saying that since your mother has refused any efforts at therapy, and has refused to answer most questions by her doctor, that commitment to the department is not recommended because the defendant exhibits all traces of normalcy, as defined by the American Psychiatric Association. I will state my recommendation, but the final decision rests with the judge. Come, let's go in."

We went in and sat down in a pew that was reserved for the family. I saw the bailiff on the phone a few times, before another deputy sheriff brought mother in and had her sit at the table with her attorney. Then the judge came in and sat down without the bailiff having time to call the court to order. But he did it after the judge sat down. The bailiff called the case and said the matter was set for sentencing. The judge read from the folder, and then looked at mother, then at the rest of us.

"Will the defendant please rise? I remember this case as it was being tried. Miss Kelly, do you have anything to say before the court passes sentence?"

"Yes. Why am I being punished like this? All I did was raise my son and baby daughter, and try to be a good mother. What is so wrong in that?"

"Miss Kelly, you still want this court to believe that you did not know that your oldest child is anatomically female? The doctors at the hospital have reported that you haven't taken part in any therapy program, you have resisted every effort to give your side of the what you feel you were doing to your doctor. And on top of that you still insist you have a son, when all the medical evidence says otherwise. I'm not going for it ma'am. Do you have anything else to say in your defense as to why sentence should not be pronounced."

"Yes I do," she spouted vehemently. She turned and looked at us and spoke directly to me. "I will get you for this you stupid little bitch. Everything was fine until your friends butted in. I will not forget what you have done."

"Since the defendant has refused to accept the responsibility for her actions, it is the sentence of this court that the defendant, Margaret Kelly be sentenced to not more than ten years in the state prison for women. It is so ordered." Then the judge left the courtroom in a hurry.

---

To Be Continued...
 

By Barbara Lynn Terry

---

 
 
Part I - The Storm Continues.
 
 
I was very sad, and broke down crying. Mother just couldn't let it go for some reason. Why was she so angry with me? And she told me that she was in the hospital because I was the one who started everything. If she had listened to the doctor when I was born, none of this would have happened. She is the one who started it all. Kathy came over by me and apologized.

"Susan, I am so sorry. But because your mother kept saying she was raising her son, is when the judge decided that since your mother showed no remorse, and no sense of wrong doing, he decided to take the matter into his own hands. He can do that legally. I'm sorry Susan, I really did think this would have gone a lot better than it did."

"Why couldn't she have just waited until the judge sent her to the hospital, before she lost her temper? Why is she so angry at me? I don't understand any of this except that she was raising me as a boy when I am a girl. Why would she do that?"

"You're guess is as good as mine, Susan. But for whatever reason, she has been given ten years in prison, because instead of remaining quiet, she actually angered the judge. When you have two places that is being considered for final sentencing, you want that judge on your side. Your mother did everything wrong from the beginning. We have what is called a truth in sentencing law, and that means your mother will do the whole ten years. If she doesn't take part in any programs while she is there, she may never be able to see you or your sister again. She could be precluded as a child abuser from seeing Angela at least. You will be legally an adult when she gets out. But Angela will only be twelve. I am really so sorry, Susan."

I was now hysterically crying and trembling too. No matter what Kathy said I wouldn't be consoled. I don't know when it happened, or who did it, but when I woke up I was in a hospital room. Cindy, Bobbie, and mom were sitting by the bed. When I woke up, Cindy spoke first.

"It's about time sleepy head. We thought you'd never wake up. How are you feeling?"

"Like somebody ran over me with a train. I feel really drained."

"Do you remember anything that happened this morning?"

"Not right now, Cindy. How did I get here?"

"Well sis, if you really must know, you were crying hysterically in court when the judge sentenced your mother to ten years in prison. Your mother also threatened to get you and that she will never forget what you did. Now listen. You did nothing wrong. Your mother refuses to still admit that you are a girl. She even told the judge that all she was doing was raising her son and baby daughter. That was when the judge gave her ten years in prison, because she didn't tell the judge the truth. But you know that we are here for you Sue, and we always will be."

I broke down again. I was so inconsolable that the doctor had to give me another shot to calm me down. I laid there sleeping, but it seemed I was awake too, because I could hear voices. They seemed far away, but I could still hear them. Somebody was saying it was too bad her mother couldn't see the light for the end of the tunnel. I didn't know what that meant, and I didn't know who was saying it. Then somebody else said they should let her sleep, and come back later. Was I dreaming, or was I actually hearing a real conversation? And if it was real, where was it coming from?

When I woke up, mom was sleeping in the chair by the bed. She looked so peaceful, I just laid there looking at her. At least this was one mother, adopted mother or not, but this one mother who wanted to see me happy. Of course she has been my mother for years, ever since I met Bobbie in kindergarten. She finally opened her eyes and looked at me with that famous Granger smile.

"Hello sweetie, how are you feeling?"

"Hi mom. I'm feeling alright I guess. I feel really drained though. I had a dream while I was sleeping too."

"Oh, what was it about?"

"I was hearing voices, and one of the voices said something about someone couldn't see the light for the end of the tunnel. Then somebody else said they should leave her sleep and they would come back later. I was weird."

"Well, we dream all kinds of dreams, honey. But this wasn't a dream. We were talking about your birth mother, and what you heard in your dream is what we said. We should have actually talked outside of the room, but when we were talking, we were standing off to the side of the bed.

"The doctor wants you to stay here for the week. I will have Bobbie or Cindy bring your homework. But you have been through a very emotional time, and the doctor wants you to rest. We will be here as much as we can, so that you're not alone. I have been here since they brought you in from the courthouse. Honey, try to get some rest, okay. I will be right here, even during the night. The doctor seems to think that will reassure you that everything is all right. I also ordered your meals for you too, since you were sleeping so much. Are you hungry, dear?"

"I'm tired. I feel really drained."

"That is to be expected, but you have to keep your strength up. Your dinner should be here shortly."

"Mom, do I have to eat it all at once? I really don't feel hungry."

"Well, we will see. What you don't eat, the nurses can put away until you want it."

"Mom? MOM!"

She sat on the bed and just held me. I broke down again. I never knew I had so much water in me. I just cried, and the nurse came in with a syringe and put it in my IV. I was asleep in what seemed like seconds. When I woke up, it was dark and my room door was closed. I looked over and saw mom was asleep in the chair that was by the bed. She was sure going to make sure I was safe and protected. I moved a little in the bed, and mom opened her eyes.

"Do you need something, dear?"

"Yes mother, I need to use the restroom."

"Okay, come on, I'll help you."

When we got back to my bed, and I had laid down, the nurse came in. When she saw that I was awake, she said she needed to check my vital signs. After she was done, and had written them down on her rubber glove, she went over to the sofa that was also in the room.

"Mrs. Granger, this is also a pull out bed. I will get you some sheets, blankets, and pillows."

Her name was Darcy, and she was about mom's age, and had a very nice smile. She came back with the bedding, and mom made up the pull out bed. Now I knew she was going to be here at night. Darcy smiled at me and told me to get some rest. When I saw mom just laying down on the sofa bed, I went back to sleep.

Mom was sitting by the bed when I woke up, and told me that my breakfast would be here soon. I smiled, and told her I was hungry. She gave me a big hug, and then asked me if I felt ready to go home. I said yes, and then I asked how long had I been in the hospital.

"You've been here for five days, sweetie. You have been sleeping a lot because you were so inconsolable about what happened in court."

"I'm sorry mom, but I can talk about it now."

"I'm glad to hear that sweetie. Here's your breakfast. Tell you what, I'm going down to the cafeteria and get something too. I will be back right after. You relax and enjoy your breakfast." She gave me a hug, and after saying she would be right back again, she left.

My breakfast tray had a pancake breakfast. Two pancakes, two sausage links, two slices of toast, milk, and juice. The pancakes took up the whole plate, and the sausages were on a separate saucer. I ate one pancake, the sausages, and one slice of toast. I drank my milk and juice. When the nurse came in to take my tray, she asked me if I was feeling all right. I said I was fine, but I don't eat a lot, even at home. I didn't tell her that my normal breakfast was just a slice of jelly toast, milk and juice.

She took my tray, and told me to get a little more rest, because the doctor wouldn't be in until this afternoon. That was because he had office appointments on Fridays. I turned on the television and found a cartoon channel. I was just laughing along when mom came back, holding two cups of coffee.

"Would you like some coffee, dear?"

"Thanks mom, but no. I would like some hot chocolate though."

"I thought you might. Here, this is hot cocoa, not coffee."

"Mom, the nurse said the doctor won't be in until this afternoon. So I guess I have to wait until he gets here. But will you watch cartoons with me?"

"Of course, sweetie. I love cartoons, by the way."

We just sat together enjoying the cartoons, when the nurse came in and took my vital sign readings. She said that she needed updated vitals for the doctor.

"How are you feeling, today?"

"I feel fine. I'm ready to go home, actually."

"That's good. Let me get these readings charted, and I will be right back."

Her name was Kathy, and she was another one with a beaming smile. She looked younger than mom, and had a lot of contagious energy. When she came back, she had good news.

"I called the doctor, and he said that you can get dressed, because when he does get here he is going to discharge you. He was happy to hear that you were feeling much better. But he wants you to talk to the hospital therapist for a bit. He just wants to be sure that you are ready to go home mentally, as well as physically. Will you see the therapist?"

"Yes Kathy, I will."

"Good girl," she said, smiling her contagious smile. "I will go and give her a call."

"Mom, will you stay in here while I talk to her? I would really want you here."

"I don't see why not. The therapist they have here is very nice. Some of my foster kids have had to see her."

"Mom, are you ever going to have foster kids again?"

"Yes dear. Those poor children have to know that somebody cares about their welfare. There are a lot of foster children that have attitudes because they think nobody cares if they live or die. These children have been abused either physically, mentally, and even sometimes, sexually. You aren't a foster child to me, though. Sue, you have been my daughter, and Bobbie's sister longer than you know. I am happy you are living with us.

"By the way, Mr. Marks has told me that he has the adoption papers ready for us to adopt you and Angela. Would you like that, dear?"

"Oh yes! Then I know that I will be in a decent family. I mean, I am now, but then Angie and I can actually have your family name too. Even though I still love my birth mother, and I always will, I think that even when I become an adult, Angie is going to need a safe place to be after mother gets out of prison. I was hoping that she would have gone to the hospital, but I guess she made her bed and she has to lie in it, short sheets and all."

"Yes, dear, I'm afraid so. But you know though, that some people can't be helped because they don't want to be. Your mother still thinks of you as a boy, but everybody else knows you're not. I'm afraid that even when she does get out of prison, she will go back again. It is a shame when some people think they are always right, and everybody else is wrong. But, hey, right now we are going to celebrate you coming home. You know we missed you.

"Bobbie and Cindy came here everyday that you were here, and did their homework. Now and then they would look over at you to see if you were awake. But every time you woke up, you became hysterical, and they had to sedate you, so you could rest. Honey, you even scared me. I even slept here at night too," she pointed to the sofa bed, "so that I could be here when you woke up. I didn't want you to be alone."

"Thank you, mom, I really appreciate that." I gave her a hug, and just held on for dear life.

"Well, it is about time, sis. We thought you'd never wake up." Bobbie was her usual bubbly self, as she, Cindy, daddy and Mr. Marks came in. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay. I'm ready to go home."

"That's great, sis. You know for a while there, you scared us, you really did. Every time you woke up you'd cry and no matter what we did, we couldn't calm you down. But I can see that you're just your usual, cheery self today. That's great. Listen, when we get home we have a nice surprise for you."

"Like what?" I asked like a school girl with her first real dress.

"Mmmmm, you'll just have to wait and see."

"Oh come on, sis, give me a clue."

"Nuhuh, you just have to wait."

I gave that pouty lip, hurt look, and she made a slap motion with her hand. It is so great to have a sister to do things with. It really is. Lunch came up while they were there, and I ate a little bit, but I wasn't really all that hungry. The doctor came in a little after one.

"Well young lady, it is good to see you up and smiling. I've written your discharge, and the nurse will be in shortly for your mom to sign them. I can say though, that you had us really worried there for a while. I hope everything turns out for you."
 
 
Part II - The coming home party.
 
 
We left the hospital, and on the ride home, Cindy, Bobbie, and I were talking, I think faster than the car was moving. They were bringing me up on all the latest gossip at school, and what our assignments were like, because we got a new teacher in World Studies. They said she was always yelling like she was talking to someone outside. I thought about that for a moment. So, I guess maybe I would just sit there and see what was going on. When somebody yells for no reasons, it usually means something happened in their life to make them that way. I wonder if she could be reasoned with. I mean, I will be thirteen this coming August, and maybe I will never see her again.

Before I knew it we were home, and when I got inside I saw a banner in the living room that said WELCOME HOME SUE in big decorative letters formed in an arch. All I could do was just be awed, I mean, no, I was actually floored. It was only Monday that I had gone in the hospital, and this was Friday, so I was in there for four days and six hours.

"What is all of this? I haven't been gone that long." I got hugs from everyone, including Cindy's parents. I went upstairs to put away my things, and then came back down. "Whose idea was this?" I asked looking stern at everyone. They all looked at me, then at each other, then back at me, and said in unison, "mine". It was like a scene right out of Seven Brides For Seven Brothers, where the reverend wanted to know whose baby was it that he heard crying in the house. The women all replied mine.

Anyway, I smiled at the thought that Angie and I were loved so much to be missed this much. There were cupcakes, cheesecake, soda, kool aid, and yes, even pizza. I picked up a styrofoam plate, and it fell right out of my hands. Mom saw this and came right over to me.

"Sit down, dear, and I will get you something."

"I just want a slice of pizza and a soda."

"Alright, go and sit down, and I will bring it to you."

I sat down on the sofa, and I started to think about the events that had me in the hospital. I only wish my mother would have kept quiet long enough for Kathy to make her recommendation to the court, and the judge sending mother to the hospital. But it was like mom had said though, some people just can't be helped because they don't want to be. I was wrapped up in my thoughts, that I didn't hear mom standing next to me.

"Oh! I'm sorry, mom, I was just thinking about Monday, and what happened in court."

"Would you like to talk about it?"

"Yes. I guess I'm still saddened that mother made the decision of where to go because she was still trying to get the judge to understand that she didn't do anything wrong. And then threatening me in front of the judge didn't help either. I mean, why is she like this though?" She sat down, and I laid my head on her shoulder. Cindy took my plate and set it on the coffee table for now. "Everything could have gone better if only she would have kept quiet. I still think she isn't a bad person though. I mean she never killed anybody, or stole anything, or kidnapped anyone. She could have gone to the hospital where she could get the help she needs. What kind of help can she get in prison?"

"I don't know, sweetie. I suspect there are programs there, just as there are in the hospital. But I just don't know. She moved a little, holding my head in her hands, and then she tilted my head to look at her. "This is not going to go away too soon, but I want you to know that it does get better. There is a saying that time heals all wounds. We will see. In the meantime, young lady, this is a party, so let's have fun."

"I really don't feel much like having fun. How has Angie been? I would like to see her."

We went upstairs, and I peeked in our room. Angie was fast asleep. I gently closed the door, and started toward the stairs, when I heard Angie's voice.

"Sithy ith that you?"

I opened the door, and putting on my smile, I said, "Yes, sweetie, it's me." She ran over to me and gave the biggest hug she could manage. I picked her up and sat her on my lap, sitting on our bed.

"I mithed you sithy."

"I missed you too, little sister. Would you like a cupcake?"

"Oh yeth."

"Then let's go ... oh, after I change you." I got out a clean diaper, and cleaned her up, and then lotioned and powdered her and put the clean diaper and plastic pants on. I then told her to sit right there, because I had to clean this diaper and put it in the diaper pail. She was still sitting there like a good girl, when I came back.

"Come Angie, let's go and get you a cupcake."

We went downstairs, and everybody saw me carrying Angie. They all came over and gave us both hugs, and I told everyone that Angie would like a cupcake. Bobbie got her a cupcake, and a little sippy cup of soda. Cindy brought her high chair from the kitchen, and we all had a wonderful time. I forgot my sadness because I had Angie to care for. Even though mom does a wonderful job with her, she is my flesh and blood, and I consider it not only my duty to watch her, but an honor too. Angie is such a beautiful child. I had forgotten all about my pizza, when mom reminded me that it was still on the coffee table. I sat down,and started to nibble, but not before I gave Angie a small piece. She just sat there having fun like any two year old would. Most of the cupcake and small piece of pizza were mostly on her face and high chair, but she was having fun.

I sat there beaming at the prospect of having my own little girl to fuss over, the way I fuss over Angie. Mom saw my dreamy eyes and came and sat down next to me.

"A penny for your thoughts, dear."

"Oh, I was thinking how wonderful it would be to have my own little girl to fuss over. When I look at Angie and see how cute she is, and the things she does, makes me think I could be a very good mother."

"And you will be, too. Honey, when you get older there is nothing stopping you from getting married and having a wonderful family." She looked me in the eyes and told me that she was proud of me, the way that I look after Angela, and the way that I help around the house, and with the cooking, and the laundry. Then she giggled and said that was what being a mother was all about, mostly. I giggled too, and Bobbie and Cindy wanted to know what was so funny, so we told them. They giggled too.

Because everybody was having something to eat now, nobody wanted dinner, except Angie, who said she wanted thicken thoup. She was so cute. So I got out a can of chicken noodle soup, and heated it up in the pan, not too hot, but just hot enough for Angie to eat. Angela just loves crackers with her soup. She plays more than she eats, but it is fun watching her. When she was finished eating her soup, I washed her hands, and wiped her face off, and then said we needed to get her changed. I carried her upstairs, and I changed her. After putting the soiled diaper in the pail, I went back in our room, and saw that she was fast asleep in the center of the bed. She looked like a little angel. I covered her up, and went back downstairs. I told everybody that Angie was asleep. That's when mom came and gave me a hug.

"Honey, if you have any doubts about being a good mother, just look at the way you take care of your sister. That is being a mother. You have it in your heart dear, and I have no doubts about you being the best mother you can be." We hugged again, and all of a sudden I wanted more pizza.

---

Continued in Chapter XXII - Mommy Sue
 

What Mother Didn't Know - Chapter XXII - Mommy Sue

Part I - Taking care of Angela.

I went back upstairs when I heard Angie crying. I went in the bedroom, and saw she had fallen off of the bed. I picked her up and held her and told her everything was fine because her big sithy was here. She put her head against my breast and just sobbed and sniffled. I kissed her on the forehead, and asked her if she was hungry. She said yes, but she needed changing first. I changed her, and put the wet diaper in the diaper pail, and took her downstairs.

"Did she just need a change?" Mom had asked.

"Yes, mom, but she had fallen off of the bed. That is why she was crying. I kissed her and told her that everything is okay. She's hungry, so I'm going to give her a donut and put her in her high chair."

"Okay dear, but you remember what I told you. What you are doing now, is being a caring mother. What you did shows how much you care, and she is in good hands."

"Thank you, mom," I said smiling, and giving her a big hug.

I moved Angie's high chair in to the dining room, and gave her a donut. Not a chocolate one or a jelly one, but just a plain donut. If she wanted something later, I would get it for her. She is my baby sister, and I am going to help as much as I can to care for her. Mom takes care of her while we are at school, or with our friends. You know it is funny in a way though. I had always called Mrs. Granger mom for as long as I can remember. Bobbie and Cindy were talking when I put Angie in her high chair.

"So sis, do we get to help take care of her too? I mean, after all, she is our sister too."

"Yes sis, I think we all will take care of her." I wanted another slice of pizza before it was all gone, but I decided on a slice of cake instead.

"There is one thing for sure though, at least she will know she is loved, and can be safe with us."

"Yes Cindy, she already knows that, I think. I mean, when I picked her up and held her, she just put her head on my breast and just sobbed and sniffled. She knew she was being loved, and I was there to protect her. But look at how she eats her donut. She looks at each piece before she eats it, like she is inspecting it for something. She is so cute."

"Yes she is," they both said in unison. "You two are the luckiest girls in the world. You actually have somebody that cares for the both of you, and you have me and Cindy for sisters. You have been our sister for longer than you know, Sue, and I am proud to call you my sister."

"Thanks Bobbie." I gave her and Cindy each a hug. I felt safe here too, and I was going to make sure Angie was safe too.

After Angela was finished eating her donut, I gave her a little soda, and she was full, for now. I cleaned her up, and set her on the floor. The little imp went straight for the pizza. I giggled, and showed Bobbie and Cindy what she was doing and they giggled too. Mom, ever vigilant, went over by Angela and asked her if she wanted a slice of pizza. She shook her head, and wandered off. I followed her to make sure she didn't get into mischief. This two year old girl can climb stairs really good, and I made sure she didn't stumble or fall.

When we got upstairs, she went right to our room, and climbed up on the bed. I asked her if she needed a change, and she nodded. I changed her, and then she laid down and closed her eyes. I only wish I had a super 8 movie camera. Oh well, at least I got to see her do something on her own. My little sister is getting big. I put one pillow on each side of her, because of her falling off of the bed. I went back downstairs.

"Bobbie, Cindy, mom, Angie climbed up on the bed by herself. She's getting big."

"Yes dear, she certainly is. I'm glad you could be there when she did that. I saw how you watched her climbing the stairs. You are going to make a wonderful mother, Susie."

"Thank you, mom," I added, giving her a hug.

"Sis, when is Angela's birthday?"

"Not until March, Cindy. She was born March 11."

"Okay, because I want to get her a few outfits. What is she wearing?"

"I think she is going to need a three "T". She is getting bigger and bigger, so she will need the next size up."

"Okay. Bobbie and I talked about wanting to get her a nice dress, and a few pant outfits. We want you to come with us, and then maybe you have a few ideas too. She is such an angel it will be nice buying for her."

"Thank you, Bobbie. I'm sure the first time she wears that pretty dress, she will make sure it is baptised properly." We all giggled. Mom wanted to know what was so funny, and we told her. She giggled too.

"But you know, girls, babies and toddlers play more with their food, and spill their drinks quite a lot. But the trick is knowing how to get the stains out. If you use a wet cloth, and wipe where she messed up the dress or her other clothes, and then put a stain remover on it right away, the stain remover has a chance to soak in, so that when you do the laundry, the stain comes out."

"Thank you, mom. I'll do that when I do laundry. I think if everybody is finished with the welcome home party treats we should put the leftovers away."

"Not just yet, sweetie. Mr. Marks may want something. He was in court today and he will be here shortly. He just called to say he is on his way. Besides Sue, he said he has some good news for all of us."

"I bet he didn't say what kind of good news. Did he?"

"No dear, he didn't"

"Mom, do you think it may have something to do with adopting Susie and Angela?"

"I don't know, Bobbie. But we will find out when he gets here."

Twenty minutes later, Mr. Marks came in. I offered him something to eat, and he said he would have a slice of pizza to start. Then he said he had something really nice to tell us.

Part II - Mr. Marks

"Well, I was in court most of the day today, and I filed the adoption papers with the clerk. I had another case going so I went there. By the time that case was almost finished, I got a message from the clerk's office. The judge wanted to see me about my petition. It usually doesn't happen that fast, most of the time we need to wait at least two weeks, maybe even three. But this went right to judge Reynolds. I have no idea why, because normally adoption petitions are heard in family court, and judge Reynolds is a criminal court judge. It could be that the judge can hear this because she has jurisdiction over the original case. I will find out. Anyway, we have a hearing in three weeks before judge Reynolds. So we will see if your mother will sign away her rights over you and Angela.

"Mmmm I'll have more pizza. I also talked to the district attorney, and he said that he has no objection to Mr. and Mrs. Granger adopting you and Angela." I heard Angie crying and made my excuses to go and look after her.

I went in our room, and saw she was sitting up. I changed her and asked her if she wanted me to carry her or did she want to walk. She said she wanted to walk. So I went down the stairs in front of her, keeping my eye on her all the time. When we got to the bottom, Angie scooted over to her high chair, and all she said was hungwy. I put her in her high chair, and got her a slice of pizza that I broke up in smaller pieces for her.

"Susie, I'm sure that with what Mrs. Granger tells the court, you and Angela will be adopted into this family. What I just saw tells me that you are very responsible. You look after Angela just as though you were her mother instead of her sister. It is nice to see that in a young person. When will you be thirteen?"

"Not until August, Mr. Marks. Angie will be three years old on March 11."

"Okay, I know everything will work out. You have a caring family here, and you are like a daughter to me and Mrs. Marks too. Cindy has always considered you a sister, even when everybody thought you were a boy."

"Thank you, Mr. Marks."

"So, I understand that this is a party. So, let's party." Mr. Marks started dancing around to the records we were playing. I didn't know an adult could dance to "our" music. I told Bobbie and Cindy what I was thinking and we all giggled.

Mr. Marks had no shame as he danced around the room. He even danced a couple of dances with mom, and then with me, Bobbie and Cindy. Then we played a song by Frank Sinatra and Mr. Marks sang along. Mom, Bobbie, Cindy and I just stared in awe that not only could Mr. Marks dance, but he had a very good singing voice too. After the song was over, Angie was trying to sing too. It was so cute. I went over and sang off key with her. She was so happy that her sithy would sing with her.

Mr. Marks decided that he wanted to hear a song by somebody other than rock and rollers. So I put on The Wayward Wind by Gogi Grant. This song was made almost eight years ago, but it was still popular.

Part III - Susan returns to school.

When everybody said they were finished eating, Bobbie, Cindy and I put the leftovers away. We still had a lot of donuts left, and I know mom would give us one in our lunches tomorrow. She put them back in the box, and set the box in the fridge. I cleaned up the dining room, the living room and the kitchen. Then because everybody had been nibbling since I got home, nobody was hungry, except Angela who was nibbling here and there. Tomorrow was school, so I waited to see if Angela had stopped eating, before I cleaned her up and put her to bed. It was almost time for Bobbie, Cindy and me to go to bed too, because we had school tomorrow. Only six more weeks til Christmas, but we had Thanksgiving to go yet.

Mr. Marks and Cindy said good night and left after hugs. I said I was going to bed too, and went upstairs. Bobbie came with. I went in mine and Angie's room and got my bath caddy, panties, robe and slippers. I decided on a nice bubble bath before bed. I knocked on Bobbie's door and she said come in.

"Sis, do you need to use the bathroom before I get in there? Because I want to take a bubble bath."

"Yes sis, I do. Thank you."

When she came back, we hugged and said our good nights, and I went to take my bubble bath. After making sure there was no hair on my legs and underarms, I drained the tub and rinsed off with the shower head. I got into my panties, robe and slippers and we to my room to get my nightie on. I chose my burgundy baby doll, and after getting it on I climbed in bed.

I must have been really tired because the next thing I knew, it was time to get up. I shut off my alarm clock, and swung my feet out from under the covers. I stepped in to my slippers and grabbed my robe, a clean pair of panties, and took my bath caddy to take my bubble bath. Bobbie came out of her room at the same time.

"Good morning, sis. I think you better take a shower this morning and use your perfumed soap. Because I am taking my bubble bath." Then she ran in the bathroom and closed the door and locked it. I stood there thinking of ways to get back at her. So she wants to play these games, does she. Hmmm I'll fix her.

Since she was going to be in there for about a good ten minutes, I decided to go to the kitchen and have my usual breakfast of a slice of jelly toast, milk and juice. After I was finished, I rinsed my glasses and went upstairs. Bobbie was done, so I grabbed my things and went to take my shower. I had to use a shower cap because I didn't want my hair to get wet. I decided to use my lavender perfumed soap. I showered and rinsed off, and then patted myself down. I took the shower cap off and shook my head so the hair would fall into place. It needed a little brushing though, but it wasn't bad even from sleeping.

Since it was cold outside, I decided that skirts and dresses were not going to make it, so I put on a pair of jeans under my cream colored dress. My underthings were just simple white today, and my shoes matched my dress. I brushed my hair and put it in a high pony tail. I grabbed my book bag and headed down the stairs. I gave mom a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and said, "I love you", and grabbed my coat and purse as Bobbie and I went to school.

After we put away the books we didn't need, and took our morning class books, we went to homeroom. The teacher came by taking attendance, and then the announcements. The bell rang for first period and we all went to geography. Mr. Fook was surprised to see me, but he didn't dwell on it. He said that he wanted to see me after class, and he started the lesson. I listened to what he said and I took notes, and then it was time for second period. I stopped at his desk.

"Susan, I just want to say that you are getting a passing grade. You have done your homeowrk well even in the hospital. Smart wearing pants under your dress. It was freezing cold when I came to the school. Okay, here is a note for both of you, so Miss Hamilton doesn't mark you tardy." After saying thank you, we left for Miss Hamilton's class. We just made it as the bell rang.

"Well ladies, I am glad you could make it." I handed her the note Mr. Fook gave us. "Alright, you are excused. Now class, today we are just going to talk. But we are going to talk history. For those who want to take notes, can. I will start, and then one of you will have their say without being interrrupted, and so on. Now, does anybody know who the premier of the Soviet Union is?"

Colleen raised her hand and was called on. "Nikita Kruschev is the premier of the Soviet Union and the leader of the Russian communist party."

"Very good, Colleen. When Mr. Kruschev is sitting in the United Nations Security Council meetings, he has a favorite antic he likes to do. What is his favorite antic?"

Dennis raised his hand and was called on. "He likes to pound his shoe on the table in front of him and yell Nyet. That is the Soviet word for no."

"Yes Dennis. Nikita Kruschev should have been a comedian because he is very funny when he does that. Alright class, since we know pretty much about what is what in history, let's talk about us. Dennis would you like to start?"

"There isn't really much to tell, except I go to the show on Saturdays and watch the matinees and then the movie. I play games that are from the movies. Like sometimes I like to be Rodan the firebird, and then I help my mother with the shopping when we need food. That's all I do."

"Well that was very good, Dennis. Colleen."

"Well, there isn't much to tell about me, either. I do my homework during the week, and then watch a little television. I go to bed about nine o'clock. I babysit for my mother's friend, and she gives me a few dollars for it. My mom puts it away for me. She says it's for a rainy day. Thank you." She sat down.

"Well for not having much to tell, you said a lot. Thank you, Colleen. David, you're next."

"I like to hang with my friends and play games after my homework is done. I go to the White Castle on the weekends to be with my other friends and have a good time."

"Well that is good that you have friends David. We can never have too many friends." After she had called on the whole class, she got to me. " Susan, will you tell us a little about yourself?"

"Well, I will be thirteen this year, in August, and I like to take care of my baby sister, go to the White Castle with Bobbie and Cindy. I like to go to movies too. I also have something else. I am trying to get my birth mother," I heard gasps from the class, "to see that she had done wrong to me. I know she isn't a bad person, but it will take time before she can see what she really did. Thank you." I sat down and started crying. Bobbie and Cindy were right there. Miss Hamilton told them to go with me to the girls restroom. When we got there, Bobbie started on me right away.

"Girlfriend, why do you torture yourself like this? I'm your sister, and so is Cindy. The three of us have been sisters for a long, long time. You aren't the same. You are more melancholy and you take things so seriously. You were never like that before this thing with your mother happened. You need to get back to the Sue we knew before all this happened. Now come on, dry those tears, and fix yourself up, and let's get back to class."

I couldn't argue with what she said, but I was really sad that my own birth mother decided I was more of an inconvenience than anyting else. She always made sure that she would tell me that I was a boy every time she could. I wonder what she is thinking now? I mean, I am glad these things were found out now, rather than when I am older. When I went to see her, she said I was always a good boy. Doesn't she know how much that really hurts? I guess I have been kind of a little ... well, not a very good person to be around.

Miss Hamilton asked me if I was able to continue in school, and I shook my head. She said I should go home for the day, and Bobbie and Cindy would bring my homework. Bobbie and Cindy were still watching me, and they nodded that I should go. I took the dismissal note from Miss Hamilton, and went to get my books, and go home. I stopped at the office and showed Janey my slip, and said I needed her to call mom and tell her that I was having a sad day, and that I was on the way home. She said okay, and I left.

I took my time walking home, because I was thinking about what I had said in class and that made me cry. Will I ever be able to get past this? Maybe. But I have to talk to mom and dad and see if I can go and see her. The last time didn't go so well, but maybe this time things will be different. I hope. I got to the house, but I sat on the porch steps, even though they were cold. Mom must have been watching, because she came out and told me to get in the house before I caught my death of pneumonia. We went inside, and mom said that Angie was sleeping. So we went in the kitchen to talk.

"Honey, tell me what happened?"

"We were talking in Miss Hamilton's class, and when it came my turn I told them what I like to do, and then mentioned mother. The class gasped that I even mentioned her, and when I was through talking, I started crying. Mom, will I ever be able to get past this?"

"Well, they say that time heals all wounds, but you have to be the one to make sure it does. There are many families in this world that don't know what love really is, and they have no idea how to find it. That is why I have a foster license. Children who are from families that have no love, have to know that somebody cares about them. Like we have cared for you all these years when you were at odds with your birth mother. Sue, honey, you are my child just like Bobbie is, and I really care about how you are feeling and doing. I'll get you a cup of tea, and then we can talk a little more." She put on the kettle to heat the water, and then got out two cups and the tea bags. She had the flame on the stove up as high as it would go, so the water would heat faster. When the kettle started to whistle, she turned off the stove, and poured the water in the cups. "Here you go, sweetie, I'll have a cup with you."

"Mom, I was thinking that maybe it would be a good idea if I went to see her again. I mean, the last time I was not ready to hear that she still thinks of me as a boy. But I am ready for it now. Besides, I have to find out if she really knows what she did." I thought I heard Angela and I strained to hear. "Did you just hear Angie, mom?"

"No, honey, I didn't."

"Excuse me, mom, but I need to check on her." I went upstairs and looked in our room. Angela was sitting in the middle of the bed. "Hi sweetie," I smiled to reassure her that everything was okay. I cleaned her up, and changed her, then took her downstairs. One thing about two year olds is, that when they wake up, they're hungry. So I sat her in her high chair, and gave her a cut up apple. Then I sat back down to talk to mom.

"You know Sue, you make me proud the way you have your mommy radar tuned to hear Angie when she is awake, or when she needs something. You are going to make a wonderful mother." I gave her a hug, and sat down and thought why couldn't my birth mother be proud of me like Mrs. Granger is. "But as for seeing your mother, I think you should talk to Mr. Marks about that. I don't think it is a good idea."

Bobbie came in followed by Cindy, and they sat down with us at the kitchen table. "Hey," I said, as they sat down.

"Hey, yourself. Are you feeling any better, sis?"

"A little, Bobbie. I had a good talk with mom. Bobbie, do you think I should go and see my mother again? I mean, the first time didn't go so well because I wasn't expecting it. But this time I will know how she thinks of me. I just need to find out if she knows what she did."

"Well, sis, what did mom say? You know she has the final word, and you can't play daddy against mom. But you already know that."

"Yes, sis, I know that."

"Miss Hamilton didn't have any homework, and her aunt said just get better. You only have two classes that gave out homework."

"Thank you, sis," I gave her a hug and after asking everybody if they would watch Angie, while I did my homework, I went up to mine and Angie's room.

I dove right into doing my homework, and was surprised that I could get it done so quickly. Well, not so quickly, a couple of hours had passed by while I did what assignments I had. I put my notebooks and school books away, and laid down on the bed. When I woke up it was morning, and I was in my powder blue baby doll. I looked over to where Angie slept, and found she wasn't there. I got up and put my robe on and stepped in to my slippers. I went to use the bathroom, and when I was coming out, Bobbie was coming out of her room.

"Oh! You're awake," she whispered. "Angie slept in my room last night so you could rest. Cindy and I got you undressed and into your baby doll. How did you sleep?"

"Like a silently clear night. I must have been really tired."

"You were drained, sis. What you went through yesterday took all your strength. How are you feeling, though?"

"I do feel drained. Like all I want to do is go back to sleep."

"Well, you go back to sleep sis, Cindy, mom, and I will take care of Angie. Just get some rest."

"Thank you, Bobbie, you're such a wonderful sister." I gave her a hug, and I went back to my room and was out like a light bulb.

What Mother Didn't Know - Chapter XXIII

Part I - Sue's dilemma

When I woke up, it was already after twelve. I got up, and got out my clothes for the day. I went in and started my bath. Cindy was over, and when she heard me in the bathroom, she came out of Bobbie's room and talked to me.

"Hey sleepyhead, it's about time you woke up. How do you feel?"

"I feel okay. I was just drained yesterday for some reason. How is Angie doing?"

"Angie's fine. She's downstairs with mom having a popsicle."

"Oh! That should be nice and messy." We giggled, and I turned off the water. I brushed my teeth and sat in the tub to let the suds wash away the stress.

"Well, I will let you take your bath in peace. Come in Bobbie's room when you're dressed."

"Okay."

I just sat there and soaked, and was thinking about mother again. I really would like to see her again, but this time, if she cannot see me for the girl I really am physically and mentally, then I should just forget about seeing her at all. If she calls me a boy, and tells me that I was always a good boy, then it isn't worth the effort because then she refuses to see what she did wrong. I will have to talk to Mr. Marks, mom and daddy about this too.

Of course though, I always did talk to mom when mother was on the warpath. So if she cannot see me for who I really am, then what's the use? I have a decent family right here, and when things are bothering me, we talk about it. Bobbie and Cindy have been closer to me than my mother has ever been, and mom too. Mr. Marks was always there too telling me to let him know what was going on. I guess the final straw came when I had my physical and mother still refused to see what she had done wrong. Well like mom said, I didn't a have a girlhood, but I will have a teeenage girl life. I guess I'm really happy that all of this is happening to me now, instead of say, ten or more years from now.

The water started getting cool, so I washed all over, and pulled the plug. I rinsed off what suds were left, making sure not to get my hair wet. I dried, and went to get dressed. Since today is Saturday, I figured bumming around clothes would be cool. I got out just simple white lingerie, and put that on. I put on a pair of knee high, double knit socks, and then sat down and put on the makeup mom allowed us to wear. After the foundation and powder, and the mascara was on, I got into my black jeans that had a rose on each back pocket, and my cream colored, double knit, rib sweater with a cowl neckline. I put my hair into a high pony tail, and surveyed the damage in the mirror. I was ready for the day. I went in Bobbie's room, and she was busy sorting through her clothes to see what she wanted to keep, or what she didn't need any more.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself, sleepyhead. Do you feel better now?"

"Yes, Bobbie, I do. Thank you for taking care of Angie for me."

"Hey! We're family now, and family helps family. Besides Angie is so cute. Mom took her downstairs to have a popsicle."

"Cindy told me. That should be nice and messy. So...what's the plan for today? Why are you looking through all of your clothes?"

"Oh, just to see what I want and don't want. If I put an outfit in this pile to my right, they are what I am keeping. The pile to my left is what I don't want or need any more. But I can't make up my mind on certain outfits, so they go in the middle." I smiled when I saw the indecision pile was bigger than the other two. "I was thinking sis, that maybe you can use a few of the ones I am getting rid of."

"Does mom know you're doing this?"

"Yes." I could see it in her eyes that mom didn't know, but Bobbie hoped she wouldn't get an argument from mom about what she was doing.

"Well, I'm going down and have something to eat. Wanna come with?"

"That sounds good," they both said together.

We went downstairs and in the kitchen. When Angie saw me, her face lit up like a light bulb.

"Sithy!" She yelled.

"Hey munchkin. I see you have a popsicle."

"Yeth.

"Yes, cherry even. Nice and messy."

Everybody giggled, and Angie had that infectious two year old smile. "Angie, sissy is going to have something a little better than a popsicle. Would you like a scrambled egg?"

"Yeth, pleath."

Mom started to get up, but I said I could get it, because Angie's big sithy was going to make her a very special scrambled egg. I got out the bacon, and cooked it until it fell apart, and then I put the pieces in Angie's and my scrambled eggs. When they were cooked, I set Angie's plate in the freezer for a couple of minutes so it could cool. I waited until she had her plate, so we could eat together. I guess I felt guilty having everybody watch her, because she was my sister, and mom, Bobbie and Cindy didn't have to. I placed Angie's plate in front of her, and we both ate our scrambled eggs with bacon pieces.

After we were done, I washed our dishes, and then took Angie upstairs to get her cleaned up and changed. When we went back downstairs, I placed her in her play area, and told her I had to talk to mom. She smiled that mischievious imp smile, and I went in the kitchen.

"Mom, I have been thinking about things."

"Like what, dear?"

"Well, when I was upstairs taking my bath, I was thinking about that if I do go and see mother, and she doesn't see me for the girl that I am, both physically and mentally, then maybe it isn't worth seeing her any more, because she just will not admit that she did something wrong. But I do need to see her though."

"Well, I think that shows a very mature attitude.

"Do you think she will ever see what she did wrong?"

"It is possible, but your mother needs help, and she can't get that kind of help where she is. I think Mr. Marks could file a petition on her behalf, and see if he can't get her in the hospital. Maybe then, she can get the pyschiatric help she really needs. But I will talk to Mr. Marks, and see what he says. Don't get your hopes up, dear. She may never be able to see the forest for the trees. In other words, she may never be able to admit to herself she did anything wrong."

"Well if that does happen, then it wouldn't be good to see her again. But what if Mr. Marks asks the court to send her to the hospital and the judge says no? Then what?"

"You're still thinking about her, aren't you? Well, all I can say is that at least your heart is in the right place, and I hope that in time your mother can see why she was punished and what she did wrong."

"Mom, thank you for taking care of Angie for me," I said with a sheepish smile.

"Oh, no darling. It is my pleasure. She is such a cutie. Takes after her big sithy you know." We both giggled. We heard Angie in the other room giggle too. Mom and I looked at each other, and went to see what she was giggling about.

She was sitting in her play area, looking towards the kitchen. "Hey sweetie, need a change?"

"No. Sithy pway with me?"

"Alright munchkin, sithy will play with you. What are you playing?"

She held up one of her dolls, and handed it to me. "You be the mommy, sithy." We had fun all afternoon, and I could see that she was getting tired. I took her upstairs, cleaned her and changed her, and told her to lay down for a nice nap. I sang to her a little bit, and she was fast asleep.

I went back downstairs and helped mom with the dinner. Roast beef tonight, with peas, baked potato, and mom's cherry cheese cake for dessert. While mom was preparing the roast, I rinsed off the potatoes, and got out the peas. Thank you Clarence Birdseye for the frozen veggies. I set the peas on the side, because they didn't take long to warm up. I set the table and we when everything was done, we sat down. Daddy said grace and we passed the food around so everybody got a serving.

We talked while we ate. Mom asked daddy if it would be wise for me to see my mother one more time to see if she would admit that she had done us wrong.

"I think maybe it is too soon. Punkin, I don't want to see you hurt any more than you have been. Nobody should go through what you have been through, much less a child. Anyway, Mr. Marks said that we have a hearing on the adoption petition in three weeks. So when we go to court, I don't want you upset by what your mother said. If everything goes well, we can talk about seeing her during the summer. Do you think you can wait that long?"

"Yes, daddy."

He smiled as he said, "good girl", and we all cleared the dishes away. We girls did the domestic thing, while daddy went out to his little workshop. Oh! I didn't tell you about that. Daddy loves playing Santa Claus for the children that have no parents and are in temporary foster care. So he makes toy trucks, dolls, wagons, and even fixes old bicycle frames, and paints them like they are new. He gives these toys out at Christmas time, and he has even made Bobbie, Cindy, and I nice things too. He made me a nice book case that I can put my books in and my notebooks. He made padded hangers for Bobbie so she could hang her beautiful party dresses up. He even made Cindy's bed frame.

Daddy was good with his hands when he worked with wood, and he did this all in his spare hours when he wasn't working. After we were finished in the kitchen, I told everybody I wanted to go for a walk. Mom yelled for daddy to hear over his saw, and he just waved his hand without looking at us.

We went to the park, because it was a nice day, and it was sunny. It was still freezing, but we had fun. We all made snowballs and had a snowball fight. Then we built a snowman by the playground that was empty until spring. We were singing Christmas carols, and just skipping along, holding each other's hands. People were looking at us and smiling. One couple even joined us for a few minutes. After agreeing that we were cold, and needed a cup of hot chocolate, we headed home, still singing.

As we got in the house, and hung our coats up, we all went in the kitchen and I got out the milk and heated it up. I put the cocoa on the table, and we waited the few minutes for the milk to heat up. Hot chocolate tastes a lot better when it is made with milk. Water just seems to give it a flat taste.

I sat there with both of my hands around my cup, trying to stop shivering. I saw everybody else doing the same. Daddy came in and asked how our walk was, and we told him. There was just enough milk left in the kettle for one more cup, and daddy made that for himself. I will say this for him, he doesn't wait for anyone to wait on him if he can do it himself.

"So, the next time you ladies go for a walk, I would like to come with you. It sounds like you had a lot of fun."

"We did, dear," mom said with those eyes that said something else. "Anyway, how is your toy project coming along?"

"Just great. I'm making a sort of radio flyer wagon for Jimmy Barnes. You know the one with the high sides, and metal posts?"

"Yes, dear."

"Anyway, that is what he said he wanted Santa to bring him, so Santa is not going to disappoint him. What would you girls like for Christmas?"

"Oh gee, daddy, I haven't given it much thought lately," I said in mock sarcasm. "Let me think now. What would be the perfect present for the girl that has almost everything?"

"Almost everything?" Mother asked, looking at me with concern.

"Yes mom," I said, with a sad look. "Almost everything."

"Alright girls, I think we should clean up our cups, and wipe the table off." Nice timing mom.

After we cleaned up the kitchen, we decided to see what was on television. Usually on Saturday nights they had good movies. Mom looked through the telelvision guide from the paper, and found that the Wizard of Oz was on. Jack Haley was funny as the tin man, and Bert Lahr was hilarious as the cowardly lion, while Ray Bolger was outrageously funny as the scarecrow. I loved Judy Garland when she sang Over The Rainbow, and I was on the edge of the couch when they went through the haunted forest. I booed Margaret Hamilton as Mrs. Gulch/Wicked With of the West. Frank Morgan was cool as the phony fortune teller/Wizard of Oz. But it was such a good movie though and this was the second time I had seen it.

After the movie was over, we all gave hugs and said our goodnights. I went upstairs and got out my cream pajamas and a fresh pair of panties. Since I had taken a bath late in the day, I really didn't need one now, so I just took a quick shower, got dressed and in bed.

So the next morning being Sunday we had church and I wanted something that screamed girl. I got out my lavender sheath dress and matching jacket, lavender lingerie, my tan nylons, and my lavender pumps with the three inch heels. I went to take a dusty rose bubble bath. After making sure I was clean, I rinsed and dried off, and went to get dressed. I was only allowed a little face powder, mascara, and light lipstick. I put my hair in a high pony tail, and clipped it with a lavender butterfly clip.

As I sat down with my my jelly toast, milk and juice, I noticed I was the only one in the kitchen. Okay, so where is everybody? I went upstairs and looked in the bedrooms. They were all still sleeping. I went back to the kitchen, and after putting an apron over my dress, I started to make breakfast. I cooked the bacon first, then the eggs, and put in the bread to toast. As I was just getting the last of the bacon finished, mom came in very sleepy eyed.

"Good morning, mom," I said with a smile and a hug.

"Good morning, Sue. Breakfast smells good."

"Sit down, mom, and I will get you your coffee."

"Okay, dear. I don't mean to open old wounds Sue, but if your mother could see you now. How she ever thought you were a boy, is way beyond me. I mean, you take care of Angie when you are home, you make the breakfast when you are the first one down, you care about your birth mother still after all that she did to you, and you care about others too before yourself. I know when you get older you will be a good wife and a good mother, because you care." She smiled, and took a sip of her coffee.

I dished up hers and my breakfasts, and we sat and talked. I reminded her that we have church this morning, and she said we were going to go to the afternoon services instead.

"Your father has had a rough night, dear, and I am letting him sleep in. Besides, it is nice to just sit here and talk between the two of us. I do that with Bobbie too."

"Did I hear my name mentioned?"

"Hey, sis. Want some breakfast?"

"Yes, but you sit and talk to mom, I can get it." I smiled, and mom and I just looked at each other.

"Mom was saying daddy had a bad night last night."

"Oh I know. I don't know how many trips he made to the bathroom, but I heard him every time he was in there.

"So what do we need to do today?" I asked, not really expecting an answer.

"I don't know. Maybe hang out and watch the guys? I don't know."

"Nice one sis. Cindy, what do you think?"

"I don't know either, really. It's just one of those lazy days for me. I think I used all my energy in school."

"I know what you mean. We could go and hang out at the White Castle for a bit." I said this with a bit of enthusiasm, hoping Bobbie and Cindy would agree.

"That sounds cool, I mean, we always have fun there."

"Cindy?"

"I suppose. It's probably the only excitement we'll get today."

"When we get back from church this afternoon, we'll go for a float or something."

"Sounds like a plan, sis."

We decided that since daddy wasn't wasn't feeling well, that we wouldn't bother him with things about me seeing mother, or us wanting to go to White Castle. Well, but anyway, we always have fun there.

The last time we went to White Castle was when we shared a chocolate ice cream float. We even had Marie give us three glasses so we could divide it. Marie was nice, and she was studying to be a nurse, and worked at White Castle to get spending money. She said her dad said he would pay for her tuition and books, but she had to provide her own spending money. She lived at home, and it was a good thing that the university she was going to was right in town.

Everybody liked Marie, but her boss, Irene, OH MY GOSH, she was a real pain. She would always yell at us for hanging around too long, so we made sure we had money to buy something, even if it was a soda.

Irene was a fiery redhead, with a temper to match. During the week she would act like a teacher and tell us that there would be no more orders taken, because we had to be back in class. I swear she would have made a good principal. So, we didn't argue with her or we would spoil it for everybody. We just took her tirades in stride, and laughed about it after we left the restaurant.

So that was the plan for today, because Irene didn't work the weekends, and Marie would be by herself. We washed the breakfast dishes, and made sure the kitchen was clean. That was when daddy decided to come down for his breakfast.

"How are you feeling, daddy?" Bobbie and I asked together.

"Terrible. I don't know if I should chance eating or not."

"Daddy, mom always said to get better you have to feed a cold and starve a fever. So what do you want that will help?"

"You know Sue, you are always so bright and cheery, it is hard to be sick in this house. Would you make me a couple of scrambled eggs, and a maybe two strips of bacon. I'm not saying I'm going to keep it down, but hopefully I will."

"Sure daddy. It will be just a few minutes."

I made daddy's breakfast, and set in front of him. He just looked at it, like it was the enemy or something, and he took very small bites, and not one right after the other, either. He just took his time. When he was finished eating, he said he would clean up the dishes he used, and I took his plate, glass, and silverware, and washed them.

"Daddy, you go and rest. I think we can skip church today, and have a prayer meeting after dinner. What do you say?"

"Did I ever tell you what a wonderful wife you will make?"

"Oh gee, daddy, I don't think so," I giggled, "but thank you."

"You're welcome punkin. Princess what are you girls up to today?"

Bobbie just looked at him, and she giggled and blushed. Then she told him the plans we had made for today, and he said that was great. Mom all this time, was just sitting there watching him.

"Dear, I think that Sue is right, we can have a prayer meeting tonight after dinner. You need to get more rest."

"When does a man have a say in his own house?"

We all looked at each other, then at daddy and said; "NEVER!" He looked sheepish, then decided we were right. He said he was going to rest on the couch, so mom went to their room, and got him a pillow and a blanket. If he is sick sick, then he needs to stay warm.

Bobbie, Cindy, and I, decided to get our coats and go out. I asked mom if I could have a few dollars so that I could get a burger and a soda at the White Castle. I said that we were going to go window shopping first, and then hang out with our friends at the White Castle. She gave us each five dollars which was enough for a burger, soda and fries, and maybe a little change left over.

We all gave mom a hug and Cindy said thank you for the money. I said we would be back before dinner. We left and headed to the Boston Store at Southgate Shopping Center. I liked the clothes at Boston Store because even though they were kind of expensive. But they had all kinds of different dress ensembles, skirt suits, pant suits, every day dresses, skirts, pants and slacks, and various different styles of summer shorts when they were in season.

As we got to Southgate which was walking distance from the house, we met David there. He was with his mother who was shopping for a new dress. We told him what we were planning, and he asked his mother for five dollars, so he could go with us. She gave him the money, and after telling him to be safe, we went and looked around a little, before heading to Woolworth's to see what they had there. There was a small shoe store in the center too, and we looked at several pairs of shoes, and tried on dozens, I think. We had spent all morning at Southgate, so we decided we needed lunch. We headed to the White Castle.

Marie saw us first, and asked what we wanted. We all ordered just the burger meal which was a quarter pound burger, generous helping of french fries, and a large soda of your choice, and they only sold Coke products here. We sat in the back booth and talked. There was hardly anyone here, but it was early yet.

"So, I asked mom and daddy about going to see mother, and daddy said to wait til this summer after school lets out. They both said it was way too early to try it again."

"I agree with them, Sue," Bobbie said taking a sip of her Coke. "But I can't help but have this feeling that she will never change. She wants everybody to feel sorry for her, and they might have sided with her, if the evidence was the other way around. But Cindy's dad has proven you're naturally female, and your mother refuses to admit that. So yes, sis, I agree that it is too soon to see her."

"I do too, sis, for what it's worth. You know, when you do see her, you should be prepared to tell her exactly what is what. Like you did that first day you stood up to her. She needs a rude awakening, and you are the only one who can give her that because she stills thinks of you as a boy. That can be to our advantage though. Daddy can make a good argument to the court that she belongs in the hospital and not a prison. Daddy said he is going to bring that up on an amicus curiae brief. That is latin for friend of the court. So we will see exactly what happens. If the court says she can go to the hospital, then she just might get the help she needs so she can live like a regular person again. But we will see. Right now it is up to the state supreme court."

"Well anyway," David said sounding exasperated, "let's talk about something happy. All this legal talk is making me hungry and I don't have any more money except for another Coke."

"Yeah, me too," Cindy, Bobbie, and I said together.

Part II - Happy tidings all around.

Three weeks can go by quickly, if you're not paying attention. It was time for us to go to court for the adoption hearing. Mr. Marks said it is not improper for a criminal court judge to hear such a petition if it involves someone who is a defendant, witness, or victim of an action that was or is pending before that judge. Judge Reynolds is a children's court judge who also hears criminal cases that children commit, and she was hearing the petition.

Mom woke me up and told me it was time for me to get my bath, because we had to be to court by nine o'clock. I got up, stepped in to my slippers, threw my robe on and grabbed my bath caddy. I put in some rose fragrance bubble bath foam, and rose scented bath beads. I brushed my teeth, and then the tub was full. I sat in the water just soaking. When the water started cooling, I washed all over, and rinsed off with the shower head, because bubble bath suds are stubborn. After making sure the tub was rinsed and wiped out, I padded off to my bedroom in my robe and slippers.

I looked in my closet, and chose my light rose dress. I also took out my rose panty and bra set, that also had a full slip on the hanger with the set. I got out a pair of regular stay up tan colored nylons, and my rose colored pumps with the ankle strap. After getting my lingerie on, I put on a little foundation and then the face powder. No eye makeup today except maybe mascara. This was an adoption petition, so I wanted to look my sweet, demure self. After getting dressed completely, I looked in the mirror. The slight makeup with my choice of dress, was perfect. I looked slightly younger.

I went downstairs to get my breakfast, and daddy just had to be his sweet little old self by whistling when I came in the kitchen.

"Punkin, did I ever tell you how pretty you are?"

"Uhm, yes daddy you have, and thank you," I said blushing.

"Dear, leave the child alone, or she will be be blushing all the way to the courthouse." Mom was joking of course, but if all went well, I would be Susan Marie Granger and Angela would have the Granger last name too. This is suppose to be a happy day for me, and it is. Really. It is.

I'm just sorry that my mother couldn't see past her greed, whatever that may be. We still hadn't heard from the state supreme court on mother's appeal, so we weren't sure what was going to happen. But for today I was going to concentrate on having Bobbie for a legal sister, and mom and dad for legal parents. I have said this constantly that this is a real family. We do things together. We laugh, play, work, talk, interact with each other, and none of us feels it is an inconvenience either.

We rinsed our breakfast dishes, and headed out to the car. Today daddy had to be there too, because he was also a party to the adoption. When we got to the courthouse, we were able to park within a block, in one of the parking lots. I didn't think thirty five cents an hour was too expensive. When we got to the courtroom, I was surprised to see Kathy there. I thought she worked downtown. Kathy came over to us and told us what she was going to do.

"This is Mr. Marks peitition, so he will go first. The judge will ask me if I object and I will say no. Then the judge will order that your last name be Granger and that Mr. and Mrs. Granger will be forever after your parents. Now, your birth mother still has not shown any remorse over her actions, and we are still waiting to hear the appeal results. You know, Susan, as a prosecutor, it is my job to object to any sentence being reduced, or even changed from a criminal sentence to a civil commitment. But this is one case that I am in favor of it being changed to a civil commitment. I talked with the district attorney and told him what my thoughts were and what those thoughts were based on.

"He agreed that we should try to get your mother to the state hospital. So, that is what I am doing. I also have filed a separate amicus curiae brief with the court, telling them what I originally intended on doing at your birth mother's sentencing. Susan, for what it's worth, I'm on your side, and I want to see her go to a hospital too. The district attorney feels this would serve justice in this particular case. So, are you ready to be adopted?"

"Yes, Kathy, and thank you for everything."

"No Susan, thank you, because you have taught me what it is like to be human. I prosecute so many that should be buried under the prison, I forgot what it was like to have a conscience. That is, until I met you. So thank you, young lady, from the bottom of my heart, and never lose that sense of innocence. Are we ready to go in, the deputy is waving to me that it is time."

We all went in the courtroom. Now I am not sure how many of you are familiar with a children's court courtroom, but it is like a medium sized living room, and there are chairs to sit in instead of pews. The hearings in these courtrooms are informal, mostly, but the witnesses are still sworn under oath. We went in, and this time mom, daddy, and Bobbie sat next to me. Cindy was there too as a character witness. A lady wearing a prison matron's uniform brought mother in, and sat her near the door, still handucffed.

The judge came in, looked around the courtroom, and sat in her chair above everyone else. "Good morning everybody. Hi Susan, it is nice to see you again, especially under these ciscumstances. How are things going at the Grangers?"

"They're going great, ma'am. Bobbie, Cindy, and I have been doing a lot of things, and I am having a great time."

"Susan, there are some questions I have to ask you, that you might think are not important, or may be embarrassing, but they are necessary, and I want you to answer them. Is that alright, Susan?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good. Okay then, this is a petition by Mr. Marks, an attorney licensed to practice law in this state. He has file the petition on behalf of a minor by the name of Susan Marie Kelly, and is asking this court to judicially terminate the rights of your birth mother, because she refuses to do so. The petition further states that the birth mother's parental rights should be terminated for the following reasons. That the birth mother for almost thirteen years raised her oldest child as a male, knowing that said child was in fact a natural female. That the birth mother of said child, one Margaret Kelly, did with malice and forethought ignore the delivering doctor's order to have the child brought in for further tests. That the mother absconded with the said minor child, one Susan Marie Kelly, to the state of Wisconsin.

"Now these charges are very serious when it comes to asking the court to judicially terminate the rights of the birth parent. Mrs. Kelly, do you wish to voluntarily give up your rights as a parent over your children, Susan Marie Kelly, twelve years old, and Angela Kelly, two years old?"

"No. They are my children, and I will not terminate my rights. I know the real truth here, apparently nobody else does."

"What is the real truth, Mrs. Kelly?"

"That my oldest child is a male, and has been since birth, these doctors and lawyers are lying when they say that Ronnie is a genetic girl. That is just absurd."

"Is that all you have to say Mrs. Kelly? You do know that this court is obligated to do what is in the best interest of the child or children concerned, do you not?"

"Yes, and I know the court will do the right thing."

"Mrs. Kelly, I remember this case from a while back. I even looked through that case, because it is the same litigants here as then, so that is why I was given this petition to hear. Are you going to sit there, Mrs. Kelly, and tell me that after all of the evidence that has been presented, even by the doctor who deilvered your first born, that your first born is a male?"

"Yes, your honor, I am."

"Very well, Mrs. Kelly, you leave me with no choice in this matter. The petition asking that the parental rights of one Margaret Kelly be terminated over her first born, Susan Marie Kelly, and her yougest child, Angela Kelly, is hereby granted. Mrs. Margaret Kelly, you no longer have any say over the children you bore into this world. Maybe someday you will actually see why I made this decision.

"And now, the other part of the petition asks that Mr. and Mrs. Granger adopt the said minors, Susan Marie Kelly and Angela Kelly. Mr. Granger, is it your testimony sir, that you will treat the said minor children with respect, and not treat in any manner contrary to law?"

"Yes it is, your honor. Your honor, Susan Marie Kelly has been a part of our family ever since she met our Daughter Roberta Granger in kindergarten, and they have been best friends ever since. We love Angela and Susan as if they were our own children. So I can promise this court that they will be well looked after."

"Thank you Mr. Granger. Mrs. Granger will you treat the minor children, Susan Marie Kelly, and Angela Kelly with respect and the way you yourself would want to be treated?"

"Yes, your honor, I will love them as my own children, and I will teach them the things they need to know as the grow into their adulthood."

"Thank you, Mrs. Granger. It is the order of this court, that from this forth, the said minor children shall now and forever be known as Susan Marie Granger," I let out a shrill yessssss, and the judge smiled. "It is further ordered that the two year old minor child, Angela Kelly will be now and forever known as Angela Granger. Mr. and Mrs. Granger, please sign the documents in front of the clerk." They signed the documents, and the judge continued. "Mrs. Kelly, you have lost two of the dearest children I have had the fortunate experience of meeting. Maybe someday you will understand what really happened, and what you actually did that was wrong. Susan, good luck with your new family, and I know Mrs. Granger. She has fostered many children that have passed through this court, and none of them has had anything bad to say about Mrs. Granger. I'm sure I don't have totell you that, but I wanted to. This court is in recess."

"You little slut, you actually got away with it this time, but I will get you for this, don't think I won't."

"Matron, remove the prisoner, and Mrs. Kelly, you are lucky these proceedings were over, or I would have give you an added year for contempt of court to be served consecutively." With that the judge went in to her chambers, and we left to go home. I was now officially a Granger, and Bobbie was legally my sister. YIPPPPPPEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

Mom and daddy just looked at me, and then started laughing. Alright, so I was happy, wouldn't you be too? We left the children's court center and went to Kentucky Fried Chicken. (Author's Note: Kentucky Fried Chicken in the 1960's was a regular restaurant with a drive through, and it was not considered fast food then either.) We went in and sat in a booth, and daddy placed our orders. We ate and talked excitedly about what happened in court. Mother still thought of me as a boy, and that was not good for her, but maybe, just maybe it would give the supreme court a reason to change her sentence to a civil commitment. But I wasn't going to think about that right now, though. Right now, I was thinking about the family that I have been a part of since I can remember, and now I and Angie have their last name. Everything was great.

Author's Note: There will be one more chapter on the state supreme court's decision on Susan's birth mother's appeal.

What Mother Didn't Know - Chapter XXIV

Part I - Susan gets her wish.

Mr. Marks phoned to say that he was on his way with the supreme court decision in mother's appeal. He said he had good news and bad news, but that it should all work out. When he got to our house, he came in the kitchen and I poured him a cup of coffee. He handed me a small pamphlet style book that said State of Wisconsin, In Supreme Court. I opened it up, and it was the supreme court's decision on mother's appeal. What it said in essence was that the defendant had had a fair trial being adequately represented by counsel, and that she had an opportunity to present rebuttal evidence but chose not to, and that the evidence reviewed by the supreme court substantiated the charge against the the defendant. It also said that there was a motion by counsel to have the defendant committed to a state psychiatric hospital because the defendant needed psychiatric help. It said too, that while the court agrees that the defendant needs psychiatric help, the defendant can get said help at the prison where she is confined. This court rules that the evidence is substantial enough to support the conviction, and therefor the conviction of the defendant is affirmed.

I asked Mr. Marks what that meant, and he said that it means the state supreme court will not over rule mother being in prison. But he said, that he was going to file one more petition with the trial court, and see what we can do. He agreed that mother belonged in a hospital not prison. He said he was going to talk to the district attorney and see if they couldn't get together on a joint petition. He said that usually doesn't happen but it didn't hurt to ask.

Cindy and her mom came over too, and we had a nice talk. Then Cindy and I went upstairs so the adults could talk. Bobbie had the records already playing, and we were listening to them all the way up the stairs. We were lucky that Bobbie's bedroom wasn't above the kitchen, because we just got into our dance steps. We talked about my birth mother and what we would like see happen. But Bobbie, having more foster brothers and sisters than anyone could count, said it wasn't a good idea to get my hopes up, because the judge may not go along with the petition. I went back downstairs to ask Mr. Marks a question. Cindy and Bobbie followed.

"Excuse me. Mr. Marks, does the court have to abide by the supreme court's decision to keep mother in prison?"

"Well, usually yes, but if the trial court can see that the prison will not give your mother the help she needs, then the trial court has the authority to set aside the verdict and order a new trial based on new evidence, or the trial court can place her on probation and order her committed to the department for a civil commitment in a state psychiatric hospital. I will see just what happens when I file my petition.

"I do have to say this though. You have made us all think about ourselves in such a way that we think what is good for others. See Susan, being an attorney for as long as I have been, you get this apathy in such a way that you don't care if your client is guilty or innocent. Your innocence is like an arrow piercing the heart. You have really made us look at ourselves, and what we are doing. This may come as a surprise to you, but even Miss Sullivan, as hard bitten as she is, has even been more lenient in court lately. When a child your age can make adults like us just a tad more human, then you can say you have really done something. I have a lot of respect for you, Susan, because all you care about is what is good for others, even if it is at your own expense. I have seen you time and again, care for your sister, think only good thoughts about your mother, be there for others too. You have really pierced our hearts, Susan, and that is a good thing.

"So what I am going to do is get character testimony for your mother. The only one who can say positively about things, is you. You were there, so you know what actually went on. I hope that the petition is granted, I really do."

"You have brought more sunshine in this house since you and Angie have been here. I am very happy we were able to adopt you and Angie, because now you can see that life is a lot better than what you were living. I will be there at the hearing too, and I will be able to give character testimony about you, Susan, and if you say that your mother needs psychiatric help in a state hospital, I will say that you are so gracious you just want what is best for her, and prison is not it."

"Thank you, mom," I said giving her a big hug. "And thank you too, Mr. Marks."

That evening, as I lay in my bed, I was thinking about what I had read about the supreme court's decision. I only wish they could see what I see, and how I see it. Mother isn't a bad person, she just needs help. So why am I worried then, if I feel it will all turn out okay? I didn't know, but the supreme court said mother has to stay in prison. I am hoping that Mr. Marks can make the judge let mother go to the hospital. Yes I know, I'm a broken record. But what would you do though? I don't like to see anybody punished for something that they can get help for.

I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, it was morning. I got out of bed, and got my clothes for the day. Today was a school day, and surprisingly I wasn't behind in my studies, or my exams or tests. Well anyway, it was cold outside so I wore my pink jeans under my black A-line skirt. My blouse was just a cream color, and my hair was in a pony tail. I put on my cream colored Mary Jane's, and went down to breakfast. Mr. Marks was sitting at the kitchen table. I told mother I would have one egg scrambled, one slice of toast, one slice of bacon.

Then Mr. Marks showed me the petition he was going to file with the court. "I wanted you to read this before I filed it today. What this says is that you want your mother to go to a psychiatric hospital because she needs psychiatric help, and that she cannot get that kind of help in the prison, because they just don't force you to attend therapy there. This also says that you believe your mother is a good person, but just needs the help. I will file this with the clerk today when I go to court. I have another case I have to be at at ten. And seeing that the school is in the direction that I am going, would you girls like a ride?" We all said yes together. "Then when you are finished with your breakfast, we can go.

We went in the courtroom, and judge Reynolds told us to be seated.

"This case is very unusual, not only in the crime that was committed, but in the constant litigation that has been going on. There are more briefs in this case than in an appeal by a death row inmate. Alright! This petition by Mr. Marks asks the court to reduce the defendant's sentence from a prison term to a civil commitment in a state mental hospital. While I am against anything that will give this defendant any room for freedom, the freedom she refused to give her oldest daughter, I am a fair person, and I believe in hearing both sides. I also see that we have an amicus curiae brief by assistant district attorney Kathy Sullivan. And the hits just keep on a coming, as the saying goes. Miss Sullivan, I think we will hear your side first."

"Thank you, your honor. I prosecuted Mrs. Kelly in the original case, and I was not sorry that the trial judge sentenced her to ten years. But I met this astounding young lady who has a heart of gold, silver, and platinum, and she showed me what being human is all about. I found that I actually have a conscience and that I would be remiss in my duty as a Christian not to listen to the voice of reason. I'm sure everybody here knows who I am talking about when I say this young lady has made us all sit up and take notice.

"So your honor, as I stated in my brief to the court, I believe that after looking at all the evidence, and seeing the actions of the defendant Margaret Kelly, and listening to her constantly avowing that Susan Marie Kelly is a male, I have come to realize that the defendant needs help, and she will not be able to get the kind of help she needs in a prison setting. I have talked this over with the district attorney and he agrees that the defendant should receive psychiatric help in a state hospital, and that the defendant's sentence be reduced to a civil commitment. Thank you, your honor."

"Mr. Marks, do you have anything to add to what Miss Sullivan has said?"

"Just this your honor. Susan has done nothing but ask to see her mother and try to get her mother to see that what she did to her was wrong in the eyes of the law, as well as society. I agree with Miss Sullivan that this young lady is nothing less than astounding in her demeanor towards others, even those that have harmed her. This young lady has a very forgiving soul, your honor, and she has constantly said that she hopes that her birth mother, the defendant here, can get help in a hospital instead of a prison. I agree with her too. Thank you, your honor."

"Very well, Susan, would you like to say a few words?"

"Yes ma'am. I know that deep down my mother is not a bad person. She just needs help, and I think that if she were in a hospital, she would get the help she needs. I still love her no matter what she has done, and I know that she will see what she has done to me is wrong. It may take some time, but she will see what she did was wrong. I am hoping, ma'am, that you will send her to a hospital so she can get help. Thank you."

"Well! In all of my years on the bench I have never had a case like this. Before coming into court today, I looked at what authority there is in matters like this, and I have found several cases where prison sentences were reduced to civil commitments, and they have worked out for the most part. I am going to do this, then.

"Mrs. Margaret Kelly, it is the order of this court, that you be taken from here, to the Winnebago state hospital at Oshkosh, Wisconsin and there you shall be confined until and at such time as the doctor or doctors charged with your care deem you are ready to return to society as a responsible person. If you complete your therapy and are deemed by your doctor or doctors to be sane and responsible, I will order now that your criminal record be erased and that it be replaced by the civil commitment. Mrs. Kelly, consider this probation. If you do not complete this probation, I will return you to the prison to serve the remainder of your time. Do you understand what I just did, Mrs. Kelly?"

"Yes, your honor, I do."

"Are you going to complete the terms of this probationary civil commitment?"

"Yes, your honor, I will."

"Very well, it is so ordered that you be taken to the hospital forthwith and there you shall undergo psychiatric counseling until and at such time as the doctor or doctors deem you sane and responsible. This court is in recess. One other thing off the record. Mrs. Kelly, you have your daughter to thank for this. If it hadn't been for her, you would still be in prison. Do you understand that?"

"Yes, your honor, I do. Thank you, Susan.

"You're welcome, mother, and I still do love you."
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
This is a very short chapter, more of an epilogue than anything else. If you would like to hear more about Susan and her new family, and what she goes through to get her birth mother to understand that she had done Susan wrong and actually committed a crime, please let me know. I have several chapters in mind, but I need to hear from you if there should be a volume 2.