A story of Love, pain, and hope, set in E.E Nalley's Caregiver universe.
Anne looked up and brushed a stray bit of hair out of her eyes, a little surprised at the sight that confronted her. Two dapper gentlemen, one quite elderly, but both a bit long in the tooth, stood there proffering completed applications. It was obvious they were both nervous and equally obvious that they were a couple from the way the younger both clung to the older and supported him.
February 24, 2032
Anne looked up and brushed a stray bit of hair out of her eyes, a little surprised at the sight that confronted her. Two dapper gentlemen, one quite elderly, but both a bit long in the tooth, stood there proffering completed applications. It was obvious they were both nervous and equally obvious that they were a couple from the way the younger both clung to the older and supported him.
“How may I help you gentlemen?”
The younger of the two spoke. “Maam, here are our applications, we wish to join your excellent organization, to become Care Givers.”
He brushed a shockingly white stray lock of hair behind his ear as she looked over the applications.
“You do realize this means you both will undergo the DeCorvin process?”
“Yes maam, that was in fact the determining factor for us. You see, we have been married for 43 years now, and it’s not long enough. We have spent our lives caring for others and the opportunity to spend more time together and to care for others is just the right thing for us, we believe we would be a perfect team. In fact we do have just one preference, and that is that we will always be assigned to the same vessel or posting, as we cannot bear to be separated.”
Anne knew that this was a special pair and immediately decided to kick this one upstairs.
“Please have a seat, someone will be with you shortly.”
They shuffled off to sit on one of the sofas decorating the lobby, the older of the two in some rather obvious pain. She could see from the way they sat together that they cared deeply for each other. The younger man was limping, but he still was careful to guide the older and make sure he found a comfortable position before he sat. It was plain that both were nervous from the way they held themselves.
Anne was on the phone as they arranged themselves. “Yes maam, you have to see it to believe it. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more natural pair. It’s like they were born to be Care Givers. You just have to see them together to get it.” She listened for a moment. “Yes maam, five minutes, I don’t think they are going anywhere.” She gently put the headset into its cradle.
Slightly more than five minutes later, Dr. Ivanova stood inspecting the two sleeping men. The background check she had run said they were both from Charleston, and given the way air traffic ran, she knew they had been going for at least 15 hours, so she was reluctant to wake them. They just looked so precious, the younger resting his head on the chest of the older, but the snoring was getting to be more than a little irritating, so she reached out and shook them both gently.
The response she got was, to put it mildly, alarming.
The younger man rolled off the couch, springing to his feet and drawing a very large handgun from a concealed holster, leveling it at her head in one continuous motion. As his eyes came fully open, he lowered the gun, then tried to pretend that he had never drawn it, putting it back into its hiding place and showing her empty hands. The look on his face spoke volumes. It was plain that he was mightily embarrassed from the flush that stole over his face.
“I’m sorry about that, maam, please understand that I am used to being attacked or threatened in public. We come from South Carolina, and things are very bad there for people like us. I’m so sorry, please forgive me!”
She gently reached out and held him as he collapsed into a torrent of tears and incoherent noises between sobs and hiccups. The older man took him from her embrace, soothing him with his words and stroking his back, smoothing his hair away from his face.
She noted the way the younger man clung to the older and the obvious care he showed for his lover. They were so obviously a couple, and the younger one had been badly hurt at some time in the past. It was then she decided that whatever the obstacles, they would get what they so clearly wanted. Love like that was not to be wasted, and these two were clearly in love.
As the tears subsided, she began the standard introductory lecture, she couldn’t help but smile at the expression on the younger one’s face.
“You do understand that you will both undergo the DeCorvin process?”
They spoke in unison, “Yes maam.”
“You know this means that you will both be female?”
“Yes maam, and younger, and we will both live for centuries. That is what I have wanted forever, and he is willing to take this journey with me. I only ask that we be able to stay together, to be a team. I couldn’t bear to be without my love.” The younger man straightened his tunic with a determined yank at the hem.
“I can handle it if you refuse us, but please take into account that we have spent our lives caring for others. He is a therapist and I am a geek, and we could not have children of our own, but we have raised the children of others who were thrown away, and I think we have done a pretty good job of it. I beg you, please take us!”
The younger man was close to tears again and she could no longer maintain a professional demeanor.
“Of course you will be accepted. How could I refuse?”
At this point the older man spoke, his baritone a surprisingly smooth counterpoint to the younger man’s relieved tenor. “Please accept this one thing. Do his transformation in one week, so that he may have his birthday on his birthday. He will be 60 on that day, and I want it to be a special day for him.”
“Done, and well done. Will you want to undergo the process on the same day?”
“Yes, this is a journey we will take together, and thank you doctor.”
Dr. Ivanova sat in front of her monitor, absorbing what the database had told her of the two newest recruits. “How horrible for them both” she thought to herself. “For him to be assaulted so brutally and for her to be raped and beaten by those animals, I can’t even imagine!!!” I t took a moment for her to realize that she was thinking of the younger man as a female, even though he retained the appearance of a male.
“I would kill them myself, if I had the chance!!!” Right then she swore to herself that no matter what, these two would have another chance. She knew the DeCorvin process would put them through yet another series of hardships, but they deserved it.
A week later, they lay side by side on identical couches, holding each other’s hands tightly as they chugged the really quite nasty drink that contained the nanites which would initiate the transformation.
Chapter 2
Sean awoke feeling a slight woman hugging him tightly. She was uncomfortably aware of a need to go to the bathroom and squirmed her way out of the covers. She was desperate, but just as she made her way to the bathroom, she caught a glimpse of the other woman in the bed. There lay a slight blonde, maybe all of five feet 2 inches, champagne blonde hair, sleeping peacefully. Physical needs took over for the moment, but as soon as she was able to concentrate on something other than the intense needs of her body she was able to focus on what she could only assume was her lover.
“Charlie?”
The diminutive blonde stirred, brushing a lock of hair from her face and yawning widely.
“Sean?” She sat up in the bed, an incredulous expression on her elfin features. “Gawd you’re hot!” Her Southern drawl just oozed sex
“Charlie, is that you?”
Their voices ran over each other in an excited muddle of Soprano and a smoky Alto. “You look so young!” they both exclaimed, then broke off into giggling like some sort of madwomen.
“oh mmy gawd! The petite blonde was checking herself over, feeling every inch of her new self with astonishment. “I’m whole! I mean I don’t have a colostomy anymore!”
They shrieked and hugged as they danced, the taller woman practically lifting the shorter blonde off her feet with joy.
“We’re young!” they danced and capered for a few minutes longer.
Sean broke down crying at this point. “I can’t believe I am finally the woman I always wanted to be!”
“And you, you look like a young version of your mother! I mean the whole 5 foot 2, blond with eyes of blue and everything. You’re stunning, you just have to see yourself!” She sniffled as they stood together, searching in the mirror for themselves.
What they saw was a petite blonde and a taller, willowy woman with auburn hair almost down to her ass.
The shorter blonde was almost frail looking and her eyes sparkled blue, an incredibly tiny waist opening out into skinny hips, just right for her size.
Sean almost fainted when she saw herself. A muscular woman standing about 5 foot 8, an impossibly tiny waist and broad hips, but the face was the most stunning thing. There in the mirror was a woman who looked like a sort of cross between Angelina Jolie, Julia Roberts, and Audrey Hepburn, with a little bit of Brooke Shields thrown in.
“I’m so happy for you, baby, you wound up looking just like your mother as a young woman!”
Sean could only stare in disbelief. She was shocked at the way her husband of 43 years had turned out, but to see herself as she had wanted to be her entire life was just too much for her to handle. Blackness closed in as she swooned, her lover frantically trying to catch her and ease her to a soft landing. They both wound up in a tangle on the floor, the tiny blonde desperately trying to soothe the larger woman, not realizing what was wrong with her, terribly afraid that something had gone wrong with the process and crying, deep heart wrenching sobs.
Sean was reliving his long nightmare experience. He knew this, but he couldn’t manage to bring himself out of the pit of horror that was his memory.
Sean was reliving his long nightmare experience. He knew this, but he couldn’t manage to bring himself out of the pit of horror that was his memory.
He felt the initial slamming blow of the car hitting him, flying through the air and realizing he couldn’t stand, that his leg had broken. The sick pain of realization that it hadn’t been an accident as the skinheads piled out of the stopped car and began hitting and kicking him.
“Oh yeah, we got us a fuckin faggit!” the boy had a maniacal expression twisting his face into a demon mask as he drew back his foot for another kick.
“Hang on, man!” This from one of the others. This one had an excited look on his face. “I got an idea. We got this one where he can’t get away, let’s have some real fun with him!”
A boot connected with Sean’s head, propelling him into darkness, away from the agony.
He swam back up into awareness, pain radiating through his entire body. He expected to be in a hospital, but it was so cold, and he smelled the stink of shit and blood. He tried to move but he was tied down to something, and even trying to move brought fresh waves of pain from his legs and arms. He blinked as the skinhead who had kicked him in the head came into his field of vision.
“You awake, huh? Hey boys, get over here! The faggit’s awake!” He leaned closer, his foul breath competing with the rest of the stench in the humid air. “You going to hell, you fuckin faggit! God hates your kind, you sick freak! We just gonna have a little fun with you before we send you to burn.”
“Hey Wade, prop his head up with that block so he can see what we doin.” Another of the men moved around behind Sean, and he felt his head being tied to a block, propping him up so he had to look down at his body, tied spread eagled to a piece of plywood.
“We just gonna give you a little taste of what you gonna get in hell, freak.” The one who seemed to be doing all the talking brandished a pair of vise grips. Sean tried to flinch away as the man clamped the pliers over the end of his penis, only realizing after a minute that it was his own voice he heard screaming with a fresh wave of pain that made him want to vomit.
His torturer tied a rope that hung from the ceiling around the pliers so that they held his abused organ straight out from his body and went out of sight for a moment, reappearing with a blowtorch in his hand.
He sparked it to life, adjusting the flame to a blue hot cone. “We gonna have us a weenie roast, and you gonna get some dinner!” Sean watched in horror as the man brought the torch down to his crotch and began screaming again as fresh waves of searing agony assaulted him, the stench of burning meat filling his nose as the manheld the flame on his scrotum. He could see the flesh blacken and shrivel, could see as his testicles were roasted in the hot flame.
He writhed with the hellish pain that roared in his mind, trying to escape the torture, screaming till he thought he was going to rip his throat out. Even the broken leg hadn’t hurt this badly, and he heard himself pleading for mercy, crying for help, anything to make it end.
He could see the torch burning through the tissue that held his testicles to his body, watched his torturer stab one, then the other with a skewer. A second later, the man was waving them in his face.
“Open your mouth, freak!” he screamed. Sean tried to keep his mouth closed, but one of the others hit him on his broken leg, and as he screamed, the one at his head quickly stuffed the smoking lumps of meat into his mouth. He gagged and tried to spit them out, but the man clamped his hand over his mouth and he couldn’t.
“Now you gonna chew and swallow or you gonna die right now!” he hissed.
There was nothing else to do, he couldn’t breathe through his nose, so he made some chewing motions and swallowed, forcing the scalding lumps of meat down his throat as quickly as he could, fighting back the urge to vomit.
It seemed to take hours, and he didn’t think it was possible to feel that much pain, but the scenario was repeated with his penis as they cooked it in the flame of the torch and made him eat it. Then they moved up to his nipples and simply burnt them to a crisp. Somewhere during this time he seemed to detach from his body, and though he still felt the pain, it was a remote kind of thing. He was sure he was dying, and welcomed it.
They finally untied him and he tried to crawl away. More pain, as one of them seemed to stab him in the rectum, but at this point he was so remote from his own feelings that it just didn’t seem to matter anymore, and he just lay there while they kicked him again and again, finally surrendering to the blackness that dragged him down.
He was awake, in a way, and could hear traffic somewhere close, but all he could see was a steep hill. He tried to make sense of his surroundings, but it was hard to think, and it seemed like every nerve in his body was screaming with agony. He just lay there for a while, and it finally penetrated the fog in his mind that the traffic sounded really close, like just a few feet away, just over that hill.
“Help.” He tried to scream it but could barely hear himself over the traffic noise, and it was so cold and he just wanted to sleep, to make the pain go away. A little part of him, in the back of his mind, kept telling him that he couldn’t sleep, that he had to climb that hill and get to the traffic, so maddeningly close, so, he rolled over onto his front and tied to get up.
Another sickening jolt of pain from his broken leg made it plain that wasn’t going to happen, and he vomited, feeling broken ribs grate against each other as he spewed forth is last horrible meal. He almost passed out again, but somehow he held on to the thin edge of awareness and began to pull himself uphill. It took forever and he was about to give up when he looked up and noticed that he was almost to the top of the hill.
A guardrail! His heart leaped with the nearness of success, then dropped in the next moment. How was he gonna get over that? There just wasn’t anything left, he couldn’t push himself any further, but he had to. Another eternity of screaming agony later, he toppled over the top of the rail and began the crawl toward the traffic again. Now he could even see the passing cars, but he was still in the tall grass next to the road and knew they probably couldn’t see him.
Finally, he felt the roughness of asphalt, pulling himself into the emergeny lane with the last of his strength, collapsing again and again. Awareness faded in and out as he heard cars pass. Suddenly, there was a voice shrilling through his mind.
“Hank! Hank!, It’s not an animal, it’s a person, call an ambulance, they look hurt real bad. Hank, call 911! Get some help!”
Sean wanted to tell her to shut up and leave him alone, he just wanted to die now, but she wouldn’t go away. He felt the woman stroking his back and knew she meant to be soothing, but his raw nerves made it feel like he was being scrubbed with sandpaper.
Another voice, a man’s voice this time. “Honey, the lady on the phone says not to move him. You sure he’s alive?” His voice changed in tone, incredulous. “My god, Sue, it looks like he’s got a tent stake up his ass. What the fuck happened?”
“Yes ma’am, the bridge just past exit 215. Tell em to hurry, this guy’s been tortured or something. It looks like he’s got a tent stake up his ass, he’s got a broke leg, there’s blood and dirt all over him, but he seems to be breathing. No ma’am, I can’t tell if he’s conscious or not.”
Then his world was filled with a roaring sound through which he could dimly hear the couple talking for a few moments, then a siren which mercifully stopped.
“You found him like this?” another man’s voice penetrated the roaring in his mind.
“Yessir, we haven’t moved him or anything, just like the lady on the phone said. You got an ambulance on the way?”
“Yeah, they should be gettin here in about five minutes. I’ll get a blanket to put over him, he’s gotta be in shock, and I gotta call for some backup on this, yawl watch him for me, ok?”
Sean knew that rescue had finally come, but the little voice in the back of his head kept insisting that he should stay awake. The blanket seemed to help a little, but he was so cold and the pavement pressing into his burns and scrapes was agony.
“Alright, there’s more officers on the way. Sir, can you hear me?” He felt the cop take his pulse.
Sean managed a very weak “Yeah.”
“Do you know where you are?”
“On the side of the road?”
“What’s your name?”
Sean told him.
“You got any allergies? Anybody you want us to call?”
“No, no allergies.” It was getting a little easier to talk, but drawing a breath was sheer agony. “Call Charlie.” He managed to give the number and the cop went back to his car to radio it in.
The roaring in Sean’s mind was beginning to fade a little now, and he tried to move his head so he could see something other than that hated foe, the guardrail which had nearly defeated him.
“No honey, don’t move, they said not to move you, so just lay there, ok?” The woman sounded worried.
“Okay”
Another siren nearby, and suddenly there were more voices asking him questions, hands feeling him for injuries, professional tones, meant to be soothing, but sounding hurried. Hands held his head still as more hands lifted him onto a hard board, still face down.
He’d heard what had been said the whole way and was now thinking clearly enough to realize they were trying to keep him as still as possible, and that they wanted him to stay awake because of concussion, so he cooperated, even though he just wanted to escape into sleep to get away from the pain.
What seemed like a long time later and a claustrophobic nightmare of being shoved into what he recognized as a CAT scanner and an MRI, all of it still on his face, he dragged his way back into awareness, conscious again of the pain, screaming agony shrilling along his nerves, seeming to penetrate into his very soul.
What seemed like a long time later and a claustrophobic nightmare of being shoved into what he recognized as a CAT scanner and an MRI, all of it still on his face, he dragged his way back into awareness, conscious again of the pain, screaming agony shrilling along his nerves, seeming to penetrate into his very soul.
“Baby, I love you, please don’t die on me…” It was Charlie. He managed to open his eyes to see his husband’s tear streaked face. The expression he saw there was enough to make him want to get off the bed and give him a hug, but he couldn’t.
“I won’t, I love you too…” He managed to croak as a sudden feeling of blessed relief swept over him and he could barely maintain his focus on Charlie’s face. The pain was receding, but with it, so was his ability to remain aware of his surroundings
This time when he awoke, the pain wasn’t quite so bad, and he was laying on his back, looking at the ceiling. There was the persistent beeping of monitors, and he could hear the murmuring of voices, the noise of what he could only assume was a hospital.
“Mr. Barber, are you awake? Can you understand me?” The voice was coming from a large, blurry vision which kept flashing some irritating light in his eyes.
He blinked a few times, and the blur faded some. He could tell that it was a man in a white coat standing over him, and the light was coming from a small penlight he was holding.
“Yeah I hear you, would you get that goddamn light out of my eyes?” Sean tried to move only to find himself restrained. “Why can’t I move?”
“You’ve been in medically induced coma for a little over two months, we had to deal with the swelling in your brain from the head trauma, and you thrashed around a bit when we started to bring you out of it.” The light went away, and he started to think that he recognized the voice, but he just couldn’t place it.
“Do you know who you are?”
“I’m Sean Barber. I’m not sure who you are, though. Where’s Charlie? I want to see Charlie.”
“He’s on his way here right now. Do you know where you are?”
“I’m guessing MUSC. Doc, do they know who did this to me?” Sean was becoming more and more cognizant of his surroundings, and even though the new awareness brought the pain to the fore, it also kicked his brain into high gear.
“Doc Rambo? Little Casper Milquetoast type guy, right?” The sudden spark of recognition made him almost laugh, but that hurt too much. “Hey, you know you removed my appendix way back in ’91. I remember when they told me your name in recovery, I laughed till I puked and they had to put me back under.”
“Yeah, that was pretty funny. I had to remove a lot more than your appendix this time, though. You sure you want to hear it all right now?”
“Yeah doc, lay it on me, you can’t have done any worse than those skinhead bastards did to me.”
“Well, I had to remove most of your large intestine and your prostate gland. I was able to save your sphincters, so you won’t have to wear diapers and you will be able to go to the bathroom normally, but that’s the best I could do. They burned your penis and testicles off with what seems to be a blowtorch, so those are gone, but we were able to do some skin grafts and you will be able to pee normally and walk without pain.”
“I already know about my dick and balls, Doc, they made me watch them do it and then made me eat them before they started in on the rest of me.” Sean had a sudden thought, and he knew he was right even before he got a reply from the doctor.
“So this means I’ll never have sex of any kind again, doesn’t it, doc?”
“Well, it seems they deliberately tried to deprive you of any ability to orgasm or even experience arousal, so yes, I suppose that is what it means.” The doctor seemed to be deeply disturbed by this.
Sean was beginning to feel a slow burn of anger within his being. Even tempered by what he knew had to be fairly heavy painkillers, he was feeling the beginnings of a cold killing rage sweep through his awareness.
He barely heard through the swirl of his own thoughts when the doctor left, and when Charlie entered, he didn’t even notice until he heard his voice.
“Baby, I’m here.” The soothing baritone swept through his rage, diverting into other paths of thought.
“Hi baby, I love you!” Sean tried again to move, but it was too much, so he just cried as he felt his lovers arms envelope him, sharing a moment of intimacy that seemed to flow through him as he was showered with gentle kisses.
“I missed you so much! I was afraid you were gonna die. I couldn’t stand it. Please don’t ever do that to me again!” He wept, and Sean tasted his tears and tried his best to hold back his own. Soon they were both just crying, and Sean wished that he could return the embrace, but it did hurt.
“Ow! Don’t squeeze so hard!”
Charlie immediately withdrew, a look of infinite tenderness and worry on his face.
“Is this okay? I don’t ever want to hurt you, please tell me if I do, I’m just glad you’re alive! I couldn’t bear to lose you, you are the only one I have ever loved and I just couldn’t live without you!”
They both cried some more, until the nurse came and made Charlie leave. Sean just lay there, alternating between tears of grief and rage, sobbing the one moment and snarling the next, until the nurse came and came gave him a shot in his IV. He then drifted off to sleep, still angry.
The next few months were an agony of physical therapy until he was released from the hospital. Then more physical therapy, and the glad comfort of being held in his lovers arms until he was able to finally go to sleep, being soothed back to sleep when he woke screaming in the night from the dreams
For the next year, Sean drove himself, constantly running, working out, gathering his strength. He enrolled in several martial arts classes, refreshing the old skills his father had taught him as a child and adding new skills. During all this time, he kept in touch with the police about his case, his fury gradually growing even hotter as it became apparent that the cops were doing nothing to pursue the case.
He took to spending time creeping through the forests and swamps of the lowcountry, practicing his woodcraft and pretending to hunt his attackers, until he finally felt he was ready to put his plans into action. He had a good idea who was involved, and had even had reports of several of them bragging about what they had done to “that freak”. He was aware that Charlie knew what he was doing, and was trying to discourage him from it, but it made no difference. The rage was consuming his being, and when he finally convinced that he was ready and knew who all of his tormentors were, he resolved to enact his plans for vengeance.
Almost 2 years after his release from the hospital, darkness closed in on the campus of the College of Charleston. Sean was concealed in the bushes, waiting on the ground floor of the parking garage of an upscale apartment complex just off campus. He saw his quarry drive in, a newly married , newly minted graduate at the wheel of a brand new Mercedes he knew had been bought for him by his father.
Sean waited while his target exited the car, carrying a very expensive looking briefcase. The man snapped his phone shut, ending what sounded like a very amiable conversation conducted entirely in legalese. He turned to walk toward the exit, completely unaware of the figure darting from one pool of shadow to the other.
Sean rushed forward, swinging a staff as he approached. The staff swept the young lawyer’s legs from under him, and he landed with a “Whoof” of air expelling from his lungs. Another sweep of the staff and an explosive crack as the weighted end struck a forearm, shattering the bone. Sean took a moment to make sure the prey had seen his face before he proceeded to crush his testicles with another swift sweep of the staff. Another few blows to various portions of the body, and he vanished into the young night, leaving behind him a broken bleeding mass of a man who could not even manage to reach his cellphone to call for help. He was too badly damaged, too many bones shattered by the whistling, pulverizing blows.
Sean knew the police would be looking for him soon, but he could not stop now, not if he was to have the vengeance he had sworn s he lay in the hospital, the payment he had sworn to extract from his tormentors as he cried in agony during physical therapy. No, there was much left to do this night. A grim smile crept over his features as he contemplated the note he had left on his first target of the night.
A little while later, in the garden of a house off Broad street, He watched as another young man relaxed on the verandah, drinking a beer with obvious relish. A woman’s voice came drifting through the opened door demanding that he come to dinner. A repeat of the scene in the garage, and the thing was done, nothing to show what had been but a broken man and a shadow vanishing into the dark.
Less than an hour later, the same scenario, this time on a boat. Again and again he struck, the sound of breaking bones music in his ears as the song of vengeance swelled triumphant in his ears. Each time he left a piece of completely incriminating evidence behind, something the police could not ignore, which would cause the man to be locked up for a long, long time.
Finally, the home of his last target was in his vision, and the sweet song in his ears keened with a bloodlust long in the making. This last was to be the man who had wielded the torch, and this one was going to die. He trembled with eagerness as he climbed onto the third floor of a home just off the Battery.
Just as he eased his way into what he knew to be his target’s bedroom, he heard a soft snore stop, and as he aimed his gun toward the larger of the two figures on the bed, as his finger took up slack on the trigger, the smaller figure moved, throwing herself over the other with a loud “No!”.
But the hammer was already falling, and though he tried to twist the barrel aside at the last instant, he knew he was too late. The single round penetrated both figures, and as they hemorrhaged their lives out into the mattress, a part of him died. He wasn’t here to kill innocents, he was here only to take revenge for what had been done to him. He fled in a rush of guilt and anger at himself, the hot tears streaming down his face as he ran to his waiting car, flinging the gun into a river as he passed over the ornate bridge, the staff following, both to sink forever in the pluff mud. He knew he had just committed the perfect crimes, but he was unable to feel any joy in it.
He had just killed an innocent. It did not matter that it was a mistake. He pulled into his driveway, and ran inside, just making it to the bathroom before the bitter bile of self condemnation rushed forth from his mouth and into the bowl, but no matter how long he retched, the horrible feeling of guilt would not leave the pit of his stomach. He vowed, over and over to himself, that he would never hurt another living thing.
“People will never cease to amaze me”. Sean was muttering to himself, quickly getting back into one of his favorite work-oriented rants, but without any real rancor. “Damn Gates and all his unholy minions anyway!”
“People will never cease to amaze me”. Sean was muttering to himself, quickly getting back into one of his favorite work-oriented rants, but without any real rancor. “Damn Gates and all his unholy minions anyway!”
“Hey Tess, come look at this shit! Some idiot managed to mix up three different versions of the same database from partial differential backups and now the same query gets 3 different answers depending on which copy the servers access. What a ratfuck!”
Tess poked her head out from behind a rack of switches, blinking a little as she pushed her glasses back up into place. “I didn’t even know that was possible” she piped in her reedy drawl. “That’s ok, you should see what they’ve managed to do with the wiring back here. I don’t think you could get farther from diagram if you tried.”
For a while this went on, the typical banter they had fallen into when working together quickly deteriorating into bad jokes and speculation as to precisely how someone managed to screw up a network that badly. After a bit, they both fell silent as they plunged back into their respective tasks. Some hours later, they agreed that they had each reached a point where they could stop for the day and leave the network functional.
Sean eyed Tess with some jealousy as she stretched, noting how nicely the regime of hormones and exercise had begun to shape her young body. “So your mom tells me you’re going to have enough saved for your surgery in about a year. You gonna do it over the summer break?”
Tess grinned, a little sparkle in her eyes. “Well I thought I might take a semester off after and just enjoy, you know, lay around on the beach, that kind of thing. Just enjoy being a girl finally. Hey,” she dodged a flying wad of paper “No fair, I don’t have any ammo!”
“You better not take time off school and mess up your scholarship! Your mom would kill me!” He tried to sound gruff, but couldn’t quite manage it. He had become friends with the youngster since she and her mother had moved in down the street, still grieving the death of her father.
“Seriously, you know you have the support of the entire Fire department behind you, and that’s been a little hard for some of them to deal with. I mean, the child of a fallen comrade, yes, but you being TS has caused some of them to have to overcome some cherished hatreds and you have to be even better than just a normal genius just to keep em on your side.”
“Yeah, I know, but sometimes that’s a little hard, being the perfect student and all. Sometimes I wish I could just slack off like some of my friends.” Her tone was a little wistful.
They were in the parking lot now, the late summer sun glaring off the windows of parked cars, causing them both to squint a little. “Besides, I’ve got it harder than all of them, I mean who else do you know that has to take a year-long test?”
“Hey, at least you get to take that test. Some of us never had the chance, you know.” Sean held back the familiar wave of self pity, determined not to let it show. *Sometimes things just suck* he thought to himself. His mind wandered back over the years, remembering a time when he had been that young and still not had the hope his young friend had. She was so lucky to have the support of all these people.
“Why didn’t you ever make the transition yourself?” she asked. “You’ve never told me that part. I mean I know what those monsters did to you, but I don’t get the rest of it. How could you stand to go on being a boy when you knew you weren’t inside?”
Sean thought back over the years, trying to decide what to tell her. “Well, It was a lot of bad luck, and a lot of good luck, but mostly it was love.”
She looked at him with a bewildered expression on her face. “Huh?”
He sighed inwardly to himself. *Well, if she doesn’t learn some of the more unpleasant things in life now, they’ll just sneak up on her later* he thought to himself. *besides, she’s almost like the daughter I never got to have*.
“Well, for one thing I wasn’t as lucky as you. Your parents accepted you, even though they were determined to follow medical guidelines and all, you know, no drugs until you reached your majority, the whole bit. Lucky for you, you got a thin build. That, and you cheated, something that wasn’t possible back in my day. I mean when I was your age, the web as we know it now didn’t even exist, much less the ability to order drugs from online pharmacies.”
“But more important at the time, my parents were extremely religious, and things like being a transsexual were considered evil. I never even told my parents, still haven’t. All they know is that I’m gay, and I didn’t even tell them that until I’d been out of their house for a decade. Anyway, I had to go through full puberty as a boy, and I wound up six feet and 180 pounds by the time I was 15. I ran away from home because I couldn’t stomach their bullshit anymore, wandered the country for a couple of years, and wound up coming back home.”
She chewed on her lower lip for a while as he maneuvered through the afternoon traffic jam. “So what happened, why didn’t you change then, I mean, I guess I just don’t understand it. I know a lot of six foot natural girls, and some of them are pretty muscled up and all, it can’t have been that much different?”
“Well, I hadn’t been back here for very long, maybe three months” he braked sharply as another car cut suddenly in front of them “and I met Charlie. I fell in love with him, we moved in together a couple of months after that, and that was pretty much that. He couldn’t stand the idea of me transitioning or even dressing up, so I just decided to stay as I was, since I never thought I was gonna be able to even pretend to be a woman. I gave up that part of myself.”
She thought for a moment. “Wow, that’s kind of so sad, and so happy at the same time. I feel really bad for you. I’m just glad Chad accepts me for who I am”
*I really hope he does, kid, I really hope he does* he thought to himself, lost for a moment in his own reflections. “Hey, you know, take it slow, kiddo, you’ve got all the time in the world. I mean, Chad is a nice kid, I just don’t want you to get hurt. It’s not like you’ve had all that many boyfriends, you know.”
She conceded the point, and they sat in silence for the rest of the way home. Sean pulled the car into his driveway, still lost in his own thoughts and memories. Tess seemed a bit somber as she got out of the car, hefting her work sack across her shoulder by one strap and starting to walk across the lawn to her empty house.
“Hey Tess, you wanna eat dinner with us?” She turned and broke into a smile, the sunlight slanting across her face.
“Sure, Charlie always makes enough for 4 anyway. Guess I might as well help yawl eat it.” The smile turned into a grin as she halfway ran to the door, bursting through into the interior. Sean just shook his head at the enthusiasm and energy of the young girl as he gathered his own work sack and trudged toward home and comfort, desperately yearning to simply sit and get a little more work done before dinner.
He was too distracted to notice the distinct lack of happy noises of greeting from inside the house, but as he trudged tiredly inside, he was treated to a very rude awakening. He felt an arm snake around his neck from behind and tighten, trying to choke him, and reflex kicked in. He grabbed hold of the arm, kicked backwards, and curled his body back around it while throwing his weight forward and curling into a ball.
He caught a quick glimpse of Charlie elbowing another man who held him and twisting away as he came rolling up to face another man who was holding a knife to Tess’s throat. The man he had thrown was still in midair, a surprised look on his face as he flew upside down to crash into the opposite wall. Charlie was in the middle of trying to keep his captor’s knife away from his body, running backwards, the man in hot pursuit, knife extended.
Everything seemed to happen in slow motion for a moment. The man holding Tess drew his knife across her throat, a fountain of blood following in the wake of the blade, and flung her aside to crouch in a knife fighter’s stance. Charlie was still backpedaling, but for the moment he had to concentrate on the man who was advancing toward him, the steel whistling in arcs before him. The man stabbed toward him as he rushed into the arc of the knife. He caught the knife wielding arm, broke it backwards over his knee, and continued as fast as possible toward the other assailant, just in time to see him sink the blade into his lover’s chest.
Now he was in a pure rage, operating completely on muscle memory. A sanped blow to the man’s throat, and he fell backward, gargling out his life, choking on his own blood. He turned, the other man had recovered his blade with his unbroken arm and the one who had grabbed him as he came in was starting to pick himself up. The man with the knife charged, blade first. He dodged, whirled behind him, grabbed the man’s head and used the momentum of his movement to snap his neck.
Another flowing movement, and he was kicking the third man in the face, then wrapping the other leg around his neck and coming to the ground with a loud cracking noise as the man’s neck broke, a stupid little grin drooling blood from a corner of his lip.
Charlie had regained his feet and was rushing for the phone as Sean slowly came out of his bloodrage to stagger toward where Tess lay. It was obvious to him that she was dead, and he picked her head up to cradle it in his lap as he collapsed in tears, her blood sticky al over him, the last few pulses ebbing as he sat in the spreading puddle hearing Charlie talk to the operator in desperate tones. It only seemed a moment later the medics arrived, prying Tess from his grasp as he sobbed, Charlie trying to comfort him until the techs took him away as well.
It was only the feeling of being picked up and strapped to a gurney while he struggled to get loose that brought him back to a touch of consciousness.
Chapter 6
There followed a long, foggy time of grief, self condemnation, more rage, cycling back forth down into a bottomless well of despair. He knew he could have prevented the death of his young friend, and even though he knew Charlie was going to recover, it did not matter to him. All that mattered was the blood of another innocent on his hands, this time because of his own determination to never harm another. His mind spun in circles, unable to focus on anything other than his own culpability in this latest tragedy.
He began to carry a gun again, everywhere he went. He didn’t even sleep without a gun ready to his hand, training himself to wake at the slightest disturbance, ready to kill in defense of his loved ones. He tried desperately to comfort Tess’s mother and wound up sobbing in her arms a broken shell of a person. It was all he could do to force himself to eat, work held no interest, nothing mattered except that he had failed.
Eventually, time began to form a scab over the gaping wound that was his psyche, and life resumed, minus some of its former joy, but it did continue. He still had Charlie, his love, but that was all. That was almost enough.
There came a day when he stood over his father’s casket in Arlington Cemetery, watching as the earth consumed his mortal remains, and found that he was unable to feel anything for the man he had worshipped as a child. The crash of the salute did not stir him, Silver Taps did not bring a tear, it was simply a duty he had sworn to lo these many years ago, knowing that his mother would never get over her religion enough to give him the honor he deserved.
There was nothing left. He still had love, but everything else just bounced off him like the rattling of sleet off a windowpane, there, but impotent in its onslaught. Work was something to be done, no joy in a problem solved, nothing. It didn’t seem like there would ever be anything again. He felt as though his very soul had been stripped from him.
He didn’t even think he had room to feel hatred, but this was to be proven wrong when chance brought him a piece of information. He had been keeping tabs on his assailants of so long ago as they languished in prison, and one of their fellow inmates had heard the lot of them conspiring to send several new parolees to, as they put it “Finish the job those idiots started.”
Suddenly, with that piece of information, it all clicked. He knew now who had been responsible for Tess’s death and the close call Charlie had to suffer through. He could feel something now, and that something was a cold and implacable rage, not just a desire for vengeance but a deep visceral need.
There was only one problem. How to reach men who were in prison? He deeply wanted to kill them with his bare hands, to tell them why they were dying, but that wasn’t realistic. An idea began to form, a way that he could make them feel his hate before killing them. A few of his contacts over the years had been in law enforcement, and a favor or two was owed. He called in all his markers there, and his plan was in motion
So it was that Sean found himself prone on a hill overlooking the prison farm, a little over a half mile away. He had taken great care to select and camouflage his position, and as he snugged the stock on his father’s sniper rifle to his cheek, focused on the image in his scope, he sent a thought of thanks to his father for early training.
There they were, the three men who were his prey today. As he verified his targets, focusing on their faces, he had to surpress a little snarl. Waiting until the timing was right was perhaps the hardest thing he’d ever had to do, and he practically jittered with his impatience. He saw the three working near each other, and as they got a little further away from the other prisoners, he could tell they were talking about something.
It was time. The day was perfectly still, not even a hint of a breeze, everything just right as he exhaled, stroked the trigger. He barely felt the recoil and was already working the bolt, bringing the focus back to the next target, and the next. Three men lay on the ground, screaming. He had not gone for kill shots, not yet. He had some time, and he was going to make them suffer. The other prisoners were hugging the ground, trying to find cover while the guards were equally frantic.
He knew the three men could see each other, were calling to each other for help. The first target was trying to get help, and he savored the naked fear he saw on the man’s face as he dragged his useless legs behind him. A slight shift in the point of aim, and the man collapsed as another .380 round nearly severed one arm.
Renewed screaming and scrabbling from the other two drew his attention for a moment, but he returned his focus to the first. There was more to be done. He watched for a moment, trying to pick another shot that would not be immediately lethal. He knew his first shot had severed the man’s spine and made mincemeat out of his intestines, so he was dead anyway, but he wanted to watch him suffer. He was disappointed as the man stopped moving and lay there, eyes staring vacantly into nothing.
With a small sigh of regret, he focused on his next victim. This time he had a perfect angle and his shot crashed into the jaw, just below the point of the chin. The impact of the heavy round ripped most of the man’s lower jaw away in a spray of blood, bone and teeth. The remaining man was frantically dragging himself along the ground, not even noticing that he was leaving a trial of his own guts behind him.
Sean glanced down at his watch. Time to go. He could have sat and watched the show all day, but he had no intention of going to prison. He began to hum a little tune to himself as he administered head shots to each of the three, making certain of his kills before he policed up the spent cartridges and made his way back over the top of the hill and down to his waiting car.
Somehow, it just hadn’t been very satisfying. Sean knew his vengeance was complete, but it didn’t fill the void in his heart. Oh, maybe he felt a little lighter, knowing that the threat was gone, but two minutes of torturing the men who had made his life a hell on earth just wasn’t enough. Maybe nothing ever would be.
Chapter 7
Sean’s world slowly went back to some sort of normalcy. The years passed and he gradually learned to enjoy life again, some of the faded color returning. He made a point of mentoring young people, finding that it helped him to help them. He never let himself get emotionally close to them, however, that was more than he could bear.
Then, something cracked the shield he had built around his heart. It started as a simple email from his sister. He read, hardly daring to believe.
“Hey Bro, just wanted to let you know you just may have the chance to become whole again and achieve the dreams I know you hold dearest to your heart. A company called Care Givers(I’m sure you’ve heard of it) has developed a process to rewrite a person’s genetic code, turning them both female and young. The hitch is, you have to go into space for at least five years after that. I know that’s not a hitch for you, since the only thing you ever really wanted to do other than go to space was be a woman.”
“Anyway, this whole thing is fairly hush-hush, I only know about it through some friends here in Florida who are connected with the space program. I know you’ll have a lot of questions, but they will have to wait until you can come visit me. Bring Charlie with you, the kids want to see you both. Love ya Bro.”
Sean wept. Great ragged sobs as all of the emotions he had held within for longer than he could remember, since childhood, came pouring out, overwhelming him. He was barely aware of gentle hands stroking his hair, trying to soothe him. There was so much pent up he just couldn’t stop anymore. He finally fell asleep, still crying, cradled in the arms of his lover.
He awoke the next morning, feverish in his excitement. Charlie was getting on in age, and though medical science had made great strides, even now in early 2032 there was only so much that could be done, especially for someone who had as many health problems as Charlie had over the years. This was a chance for them to be together for a long time, much longer than either of them had ever thought possible, and to be young, healthy and whole again was a dream come true.
They talked it over, trying to find the downside. As usual, Charlie came up with it.
“What if we’re not attracted to each other sexually when you become a woman? You know I never have been into women that way, and neither have you.”
Sean thought about that for awhile, brooding over his slowly cooling coffee. “Well, I think we know our love isn’t just about sex. I mean, I haven’t been able to have sex of any kind for almost 15 years now, and I still love you. I don’t see that changing.”
“Yeah, good point.” Charlie sipped slowly. “Well, let’s look into it then. When do you want to go?”
“How about now? It’s not like there’s anything holding us here. I’ll call Sarah and we’ll leave as soon as we can get a bag packed.”
Less than half an hour later, they were pulling onto the freeway, bound for Florida.
A new beginning, a new hope, and a party.
Charlie
I sat by the side of the bed, watching Sean for hours as she went through some obviously painful memories. From time to time I heard a heart wrenching scream and watched as her newly made body spasmed in the grip of horror. I knew from what she screamed what was running through her mind for the first while, but things trailed off into territory I didn’t know after a while. I heard her grieving, weeping fit to tear my heart out. I heard her say things that made my blood run cold.
I really didn’t know what to make of it. I knew one thing though, and that was that my darling had been through more shit than she had ever shared with me. Some of it brought to the surface things that I had suspected, but that she had never talked about and had always deflected attention from.
I wept over her bed as she writhed in her own internal hell, because I had some vague idea what was going on inside her head. She was reliving the horrible things that had happened that had happened to her, every last one of them. I knew that many of those memories had been repressed, I had seen the emotional weight of them piling up on her over the years and often marveled at the sheer determination required to keep the horror at bay, to keep her from just going completely crazy.
I somehow knew that at last the dams of her mind had broken, and she was being scoured clean by the torrent released.
What I didn’t know was how to help or what to do about it, and that helpless feeling nearly tore me apart. I had to draw on all of my training as a therapist just to keep myself together in the face of this, what was I going to do to help her?
In a quiet moment of fatalism, between her outpourings of tears and grief and rage, what could I do? I didn’t even know how to help myself. All I could do was hold her and wipe the tears from her cheeks as she wept, get out of reach while she raged, and hold her some more while she grieved.
I think I slept sometime in those two days. Gradually I heard the tempest of grief subside into a murmer, the raging hurricane of anger die down to a thunderstorm. The torrent of tears slowed down to trickle, and suddenly she opened her eyes.
She still had the same eye color, but somehow more vibrant, even though they were bloodshot from crying. A deep amber color with brilliant flecks of green. I gazed into those eyes as I saw her focus on me and knew that my love was back from whatever chamber of horrible memory she had inhabited for the past 2 days. I thought my heart was going to burst as I held her tightly, never wanting to let go.
“You ok?” I asked as she blinked slowly and smiled at me.
“Yeah baby, I think I’m ok. Something snapped and I relived all of it, all the shit I repressed. I think maybe I’m better than I’ve been in a very long time.” She sighed and tried to stretch, to be yanked short by her restraints. “What the fuck is this?”
“Well, you had to be restrained to keep you from hurting yourself or somebody else, you were pretty violent for a little while there. I can let you loose if you promise you’re going to be good and not kill any of the nurses.” I saw a little smirk steal across her face, overjoyed to see the same old Sean having a bit of fun.
“So I can eat em live?” The smirk changed to another look, one not nearly so funny, more like ravenous. “Seriously, I think I’d eat a horse if somebody led one in here, to hell with the nurses!” As if to lend testimony to that statement, her stomach growled loudly. “And I like horses!”
Just at that moment a couple of nurses trooped into the room, one of them carrying a tray piled high with food. We quickly busied ourselves with stuffing our faces as both of them bustled around doing things we were engrossed in eating to notice.
They gave us a little while to finfish off the food before they lead Sean off to undergo more testing, to determine just what had occurred. I told them, but they wouldn’t listen to me. I knew the she had just undergone the ultimate in cathartic experience, truly reliving all that had happened to her.
Sean
I opened my eyes slowly. Somehow, I felt better than I had in many years. I instantly knew the gaze that held my own, even though it was mounted on a very different face and the eyes were a different color. It was Charlie! I tried to yawn and stretch, and was more than a little irritated when I discovered that I was strapped to the bed, but that calmed down quickly and I was soon just lost in his, no make that her, eyes, barely able to look away as we both tore into meals fit to feed Mr. Universe while a couple of nurses bustled around us doing nursely things.
Sooner than I wanted, they dragged me off for testing. After what seemed like forever, we were told we had a month before we were due to report in for training, and I found myself driving us to my sister’s house. I wondered as we drove just what exactly she would think.
I had told her long ago about my need to be a woman, and had shared with her my sorrow at realizing just how unrealistic it was. If anyone knew me on that level it was her. I wondered how she would react to the new me.
Sooner than seemed possible, we were winding through her subdivision, pulling up in front of the house she and her husband had lived in these past thirty some years, where she had raised her son and her stepson, two of the better men I was proud to call both nephews and friends. I was terribly nervous as I noted that both of their cars were there.
How would they react to the fact that their beloved uncle was now their aunt? I almost got a case of the shakes, only calming myself down with some deep breathing exercises. I looked over to note that Charlie was in almost the same shape as I was. The petite blue eyed blonde that had been my guiding star pretty much my entire adult life was wiping sweaty palms on her dark blue slacks and trying to calm down a little before we got out.
We held each other’s eyes for a moment, then almost as one we opened our doors and stepped out into the fading brilliance of a late Florida afternoon. I guessed that none of the kids were there, as the house seemed quiet. We nervously walked up to the door and I rang the doorbell.
My sister opened the door, dressed as befitted the dignified matron she had become. She waved us into the foyer with hardly a word as I wondered just why everything was so quiet.
“Happy Birthday!” rang out around us the door clicked shut behind us and it seemed like everyone either Charlie or I knew sprang from behind furniture or around corners to the accompaniment of noisemakers and much yelling. I know I went weak in the knees, and Charlie blanched and damn near bolted back through the door.
To make it worse, Sarah ripped of her matron wear to expose a Marilyn Monroe getup and started doing her “Happy Birthday Mr., I mean Mrs. President” bit. I swear I thought I was just going to die from embarrassment. I was surrounded by colleagues, friends, relatives (both blood and through marriage to Charlie) and a couple of dogs who seemed determined to add their happy yips to the din.
I was truly stunned. Charlie and I were whirled off in different directions, both surrounded by amazed crowds of well wishers who kept assuring us that we both looked beautiful. I didn’t even know what to think and the first thing I did as soon as I was able to struggle free from the crowd was head for the bar. Miraculously, Charlie was there, surrounded by a somewhat predatory crowd of my colleagues who seemed determined to get into her pants.
I grabbed her and we somehow escaped onto the patio. Soon after, my sister led her husband out, with him pulling his blind man tapping with the cane bit. I knew perfectly well that he couldn’t see, but I also knew that he had some sort of gadget that let him know exactly where he was and what was around him, so the blind man bit was mostly a canard.
All the same, I felt a bit guilty ambushing him with a hug fit for a family. I still wasn’t any too steady on my feet with the new center of gravity I had recently acquired, so the hug wound up with him sprawling on top of me as we fell to the floor. I knew he wasn’t hurt, but he did take a moment to groan and moan before I got us disentangled and back on our feet.
The evening progressed in more or less the same fashion. I for one was truly amazed, as my sister had always been a bit of a prude. She was actually hosting the type of party Charlie and I usually had, including copious supplies of pot and liquor. It was well into the wee hours of the morning before things wound down and the last taxi took the last of the guests back to their hotels.
Both of our respective mates had gone to bed as my sister and I sat on the patio. She actually shared a joint with me, for the first time in almost 30 years. We sat and talked until the sun came up and both of us were unable to walk, then helped each other into the living room, giggling madly the entire time.
I went to sleep wishing we had been able to share this part of our lives when we were younger. The last thing I remember was her saying “I love you, little sissss…” just before she started to snore. I know I wanted to get up and go to our bed, to share with my love, but I couldn’t really move very well, so….
Something was licking my face. Something in that triggered moments of childhood, and I giggled as I turned to shield myself from big wet doggy kisses. That didn’t do much, as soon I was subject to two dogs worth, followed by my sister pouncing on me and hitting every tickle point known to mankind
Something was licking my face. Something in that triggered moments of childhood, and I giggled as I turned to shield myself from big wet doggy kisses. That didn’t do much, as soon I was subject to two dogs worth, followed by my sister pouncing on me and hitting every tickle point known to mankind
She quickly dragged me out onto the patio, me faking my best at kicking and screaming all the way. I was actually looking forward to a dip in the morning, but I received the second shock of the morning when she tripped me!! I fell over her hip and Splooosh!!!!
Straight into the deep end of the pool, which I have to tell you was bloody fucking cold in early March! I decided that some sort of totally horrible revenge was due as I surfaced, spluttering and striking out for the edge of the pool. She shrieked and ran, but not very hard and I soon overtook her, trying my best to throw her by main force into the pool ion turn.
Very quickly I discovered that even though I was the same height as her, she outmassed me by quite a bit, as she reversed my throw and tossed me into the pool again! She bowed in my direction with a mocking grin on her face and proceeded to cannonball into the pool not a foot from me, yanking me under by my ankle as I spluttered from the tsunami she threw into me my face. We wrestled under the water for what seemed to be at least a minute, both of us trying holds and reverses on the other.
To someone watching from above, someone who had never seen my sister and I spar, it probably would have looked like we were trying to kill each other. In truth, the reason we surfaced when we did was because we were both in danger of drowning by giggle. A moment on the surface, and we were both back under trying valiantly to reach tickle points on the other, failing more often than not, but turning the surface of the pool into a froth of churning bubbles.
We finally surfaced, both of us laughing uncontrollably. I looked up and met a pair of deep blue eyes holding a smile for me and a glance over showed me Eric, staring out blindly, straight into my sister’s steely grey gaze. At that moment, I could have sworn that he saw her just as well as I did.
I will never say a bad word about my brother in law. In truth, he is one of the best men I have ever known. I hold him in high esteem, just as who he his, but his crowning glory is the fact that my sister found him fit to marry and father her child. He has been as faithful to her as it is possible for any human to be. I might disagree with some of his beliefs, but I can never fault the man who lived by them. They have raised two boys about as well as possible, and are in the process of becoming the perfect grandparents.
How could I not approve? When his minister did not approve, he insisted that I be the one to give away my sister at the altar in lieu of my father. He forced acceptance of gay rights onto the church in that reactionary congregation in North Carolina and fought for the ordination of female ministers. I will say this, when my brother in law gets a notion in his head that something is right, he will fight until his dying breath to make everyone around him accept it, be it by logic, ecumenical argument, or just plain force of will.
When the time came, he forced a change in the leadership of his branch of the Church of Christ, and personally performed the marriage ceremony for Charlie and I, in defiance of the local minister. I managed to hold back the tears of joy until after the ceremony, but when the time came, I simply hugged him and cried. It was so good to know that his love for all overcame the prejudice he had been born into that I could no longer contain myself. Did I mention that he is one of the best men I had ever known?
Anyway, my sister and I were both helped out of the pool by our respective spouses, to the accompaniment of much giggling. The ever attentive Eric had a huge beach towel spread out for Sarah to snuggle into, while I had to settle for snuggling in one of the lounge chairs with my enchanting little hottie of a lover. She had a towel too, but was content to spread it over both of us as we kissed in the frigid furniture. We fell asleep that way, tangled up in each other.
It could have been a minute later, but my stomach was telling me that it was an eternity as my sister wafted a plate of flapjacks under my nose, playfully holding it just out of reach. I could smell the rich flavor of buttermilk pancakes, the sweet blast of syrup and the tang of real butter. You know the old cartoons where the character levitates out of bed, and follows the scent of food? I could have been that cartoon at that moment, trailing along behind the plate with Charlie still attached to me, her cute little nose twitching at the scent of food but still entrapped in the arms of morpheus.
I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the healthiest breakfast of all time, but Charlie and I both showed our approval by scarfing down as much as we could possibly hold and that was quite a lot! They had told us that one of the side effects of the change was extreme hunger, but this went a little beyond extreme. The joke about eating a horse hadn’t been entirely in jest, as I swear I could have literally done so!
At about the same time, Charlie and I realized that we were both uncomfortably full. I mean really, seriously, patting our bulging tummies and belching worth of uncomfortably full. We tried to be polite as we dragged each other to the guest bedroom, not even noticing that it had been set up as a honeymoon suite kind of thing. My last thought as we snuggled up to each other was “Poor sis, she really doesn’t have a clue….”
I dreamed then, dreams in diametric opposition. Some of them were horrific, some of them were beatific, some of them just plain strange. Through all of them, there was one constant. Charlie, the love of my life, the only one I had ever truly cared for. Either she was clutching me or I was clutching her, but one of us had hold of the other at all times, and it was the best feeling it was possible to feel.
I awoke to a very strange feeling. Someone was exploring my nether regions, tickling parts of me that I had never had before. I gasped in pleasure as her thumb brushed across a very sensitive part of me and moaned as I felt a finger slid up into me in a place I had never had before.
I couldn’t help but squeal as another finger joined the first and quickly brought me to a towering, butt clenching, humping orgasm like nothing I had ever felt before. I’m pretty sure I squeaked as I came, an uncontrollable torrent of pleasure lighting my every nerve ending. I swear I came in my toes!
That was just too much for me to handle. I mean, I hadn’t had an orgasm in more than 15 years! As if that wasn’t enough, I soon felt the onset of another, then another! I couldn’t keep up, and though I tried my best to reciprocate, to give my love an orgasm to match my own, I was just drowned in sensation and pleasure, unable to really do anything other than just lie there and take it. I went to sleep again that way, Charlie whispering in my ear. “I looove you!!”
So it was basically a month of honeymoon after that, Charlie and I taking every chance we could to explore each other. We stayed at my sister’s house for about a week, then left to go on a whirlwind tour of the world. The signing bonus we both got had us positively swimming in liquid funds so money wasn’t an issue. We went to all the places we found truly interesting, almost none of which were the typical tourist destinations.
I had arranged an open card for Sarah and Eric, and they had the run of the planet for themselves. I’m sure they enjoyed it, but I couldn’t help wishing that Eric could actually see the places they went. There was just kind of an emotional downer knowing that he was going to all of the places he had ever wanted to go and still being unable to truly see them. All the same, I was happy that I got to do something like that for my sister. She never really said it, but I knew it meant a lot to her.
All too soon, it was time to go in and report for training. I knew full well that it might be the last time I saw my sister, and our goodbyes were filled with tears.
We reported for training almost on time. I had spent almost my entire life being afraid of skin cancer, so it was the first time I had ever had a decent tan. I was a sort of medium brown, but Charlie was an even deeper olive color, I guess it had something to do with her genetics. We had both had a great deal of adjustment to do over the month. I mean I had to deal with the fact that my hunk of a husband(okay, my potbellied , Hairy hunk of love) had become this delicate, blue eyed hottie! Truth be, I think she had a lot more to deal with than I did. I had been the male provider for my love far longer than anything else, and even though my physical form had changed, she found it hard to shift back to our original format, with me being the maiden in distress and her being the strong rescuer.
We reported for training almost on time. I had spent almost my entire life being afraid of skin cancer, so it was the first time I had ever had a decent tan. I was a sort of medium brown, but Charlie was an even deeper olive color, I guess it had something to do with her genetics. We had both had a great deal of adjustment to do over the month. I mean I had to deal with the fact that my hunk of a husband(okay, my potbellied , Hairy hunk of love) had become this delicate, blue eyed hottie! Truth be, I think she had a lot more to deal with than I did. I had been the male provider for my love far longer than anything else, and even though my physical form had changed, she found it hard to shift back to our original format, with me being the maiden in distress and her being the strong rescuer.
It was necessary, though. I spent most nights screaming in horror and sweating in terror while she held me tight. I think I might have just gone crazy had I not had her to hold and soothe me. She held me tight when the monsters of my id came to lay their claim, battling them right alongside me. In Corfu, she held me. In Macchu Pichu, she held me, stilled my terror to something that I could endure.
Even though we were on different tracks for training, she held me through the terror of the night. I spent endless hours trying to get my kimono to hang just right, while to her it seemed effortless. I was only really able to focus when I was flying a ship in the sims. Somehow, when I was strapped into the pilot’s seat, everything became clear, reality jelled, and I was able to focus, to the exclusion of everything else.
When they gave me a stupidly difficult course to plot, it wasn’t a problem. Something within me just had the answers, no mistakes, nothing but a perfectly flown profile no matter what they threw at me, no mater how many variables were involved.
It seemed like music was my bane. I had chosen Violin as my instrument, and I swear I could imitate a massive catfight with no effort, but coaxing a melody out of the damn thing was completely beyond me. I played until my fingers were raw and played even more after that, forcing myself to learn the great masterpieces. There finally came a day when I could make a decent go of it, and I was forced to play in front of an audience.
I don’t really know what happened, I just know I put everything I had into my playing. When I was done, when the last note faded into silence, I looked up to find an auditorium full of people, completely silent, a good half of them weeping. I knew the piece affected me that way, but to be able to project that to listeners was something I never thought I would be able to do. I sat in stunned silence as the thunder of applause rolled over me, my violin hanging from one hand while my bow hung from the other, completey drained of energy.
When the time came and Charlie played, I found myself among those weeping for joy at the clarion notes she produced. I felt her sadness, her joy, flew with her as she caressed the ivory into an ode to love and pain, something no one had ever heard, and I knew she had written it for me. She crushed my heart and caused it to soar on the wings of love, all in a simple tickle of the keys. I felt ashamed that I had only been able to produce something plebian for my own recital. It took almost a full minute after her last note died into silence for the audience to respond. I think they were just as dumbstruck as I was.
How could anything be so perfect?
We then launched into a duet, both of us singing and playing. It was “Jesu, the Joy of Man’s Desiring”. By the time we were done, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house. Somehow, we had both transcended our individual limitations and produced something that went beyond what either of us were able to do on our own. Then it was time for our finishing piece. We both launched into it with a will, our voices twining around each other in a sensual dance of hope.
I know it was a bit cheesy, but as the final notes rang through the auditorium, I knew it had been the perfect choice. “Somewhere Over the Rainbow, dreams really do come true!”
The next day, one of my dreams really did come true as we felt the rocket boosters kick in and lift us into space, literally out of this world. I knew Charlie was scared, but for me, it was everything I had ever wanted. I wept for joy as the force of acceleration pressed me back into the cushions of the char, knowing that I was going where I had spent my entire life wanting to be.
I know it seems like a cliché’, but it is true. I had longed to slip the surly bonds of earth since I was a child, to touch the stars. Now that dream was coming true and it was all I could do to keep from screaming my joy to the universe. I knew that Charlie was scared, sitting beside me, and I held her tightly (Well, as much as I could while we were tightly strapped into our chairs).
The training had been hard, three years of demanding school, no quarter given. In truth, we both took to it like fish to water. I had never realized how much my love simply loved learning for its own sake until I saw how she threw herself into learning the new skills she had to pick up just to get her new professional certifications. We both grew mentally as well as physically during our time in training.
The training had been hard, three years of demanding school, no quarter given. In truth, we both took to it like fish to water. I had never realized how much my love simply loved learning for its own sake until I saw how she threw herself into learning the new skills she had to pick up just to get her new professional certifications. We both grew mentally as well as physically during our time in training.
Really, I never would have guessed that the man I had loved for so many years would become a hardware geek. He had been a counselor, a shrink as some would say, and really hated reading. All of that changed. She became a competent pilot, a more than competent power systems technician, and a true genius at pretty much anything medical.
That, and our sparring sessions got rather interesting, to say the least. To say that she was fast was like saying the sun was hot. I’ll say it like it is and was, she put me to shame. Yes, I am larger, by a good margin, and yes, I had more training, but 4 out of 5 times she put me on the mat and rubbed my face in it, without even breaking a sweat. I think the most embarrassing thing was that she could outshoot me. I’m talking fast draw artist here. She could draw and fire a full magazine before I even cleared leather, and with accuracy that was not to be believed.
That truly shocked me because I had not even been able to teach Charlie to chamber a round properly in an automatic before. I had tried, but after 3 weeks, I had simply given up and bought him a .38 revolver.
The hardest thing for both of us was the whole Japanese etiquette thing. We both tried really hard to nail it down, but I will be the first to admit that our Tea ceremonies were sadly lacking. It wasn’t that we didn’t get the Zen of the thing, the beauty of simplicity, but to translate that understanding into reality was something else entirely. I felt like an elephant among gazelles when it came time to present the full ceremony for our instructors. The folds of my kimono were wrong, I presented the tea improperly, I almost stumbled and fell, and perhaps worst of all, I thumped heavily onto the mat with my knees rather than gracefully folding into position.
Oh, did I mention my Japanese sucked? I swear I never thought I had that heavy of an accent, but it seemed like everything came out with a drawl. Just envision Japanese with a heavy southern drawl and bad grammar and you’ve got it.
My instructors told me to just relax and go with the flow, but I knew full well that the face I was to present for the company was that of a Geisha, and I tried my best to put that forward. When it came time to present that face for the founder of the company, Mary Yotori, I was almost shaking I was so scared. I damn near dropped the cup handing it to her. I was truthfully so mortified I was holding back tears by the time she took her first sip.
Then she spoke to me, quietly. “Daughter, do not be ashamed. You have honored me with this presentation. It may not be a perfect traditional ceremony, but it was the best you could do, and that is the most this one could ask of you.” She reached out and cupped my chin in her palm, forcing me to raise my face and meet her eyes. “Child, the meaning of the ceremony is more important than the ritual. The ritual is important, true, but you will get better with that given time. You have proven that you have everything required to be a true Care Giver, and that is what matters most, you have love in your heart, and love to give, and that is what we are truly about, beneath the corporate face. I know all (and at that point my heart raced) and I do mean all of what you have been through and done, and it just makes you more special to me. You are not just Geisha, you are Samurai, and that is the true meaning of Geisha.”
“Child, do you not yet understand that to be Geisha is more than just the ceremonies, more than just the fucking, you are a warrior of the spirit, and when you need to be, a warrior of the body.” At this point, my eyes were so filled with tears of shame that I could only dimly perceive her through a veil of shimmer. I was more than astonished to find her arms folding around me, drawing me into an embrace, the sort of embrace a mother would give a child who was distraught over a bad grade, but more tender.
I collapsed into her arms, sobbing. She held me, rocked me until my tears subsided and my sobs turned into hiccups. I had simply thought I was mortified before, but now, as I came to an awareness of more than just my crying fit, I was absolutely horrified to be sitting face to face with this woman, this powerful woman, sobbing into her kimono like some lost child, but as I came further into possession of my senses, I began to realize just what she was teaching me, in the midst of what I had thought was a sort of final exam.
It came clear to me, right at that moment, a sort of epiphany, that my true purpose was to coach others through their horrors, the same as she was helping me right at that that moment. I mean I had known that I was to be a Care Giver, but I had never truly realized that I was to actually love those whom I was assigned to, to nurture them, to help them through their own version of the terrors I had suffered through myself, not so very long ago. It struck me with a sort of hammer blow, and from that moment on, I never saw myself or the world the same way again.
Charlie
My world had changed forever. That was the only thing I could think as we entered training. Nothing was the same as it had been, nothing was ever going to be the same, or even remotely similar. Here I was, a tiny 5,2” blonde, when I had been for all of my adult life a 5,10” butch male! I mean yeah, I was gay, and I even liked men who were a bit bigger than me, but I was always on top. Not only that, I was training to be a kind of space Geisha! I think the true saving grace for me was that Sean was just as submissive a lover as she had ever been when she was a he, and it allowed me to retain some sense of my former self. I was the dominant lover, the one who took the initiative, the one who first fingered and stroked my lover’s newfound sex into orgasm after so long without, and that was the role I maintained for a very long time after that. I so ached to penetrate her, to fuck her silly, and it hurt me that I no longer had the equipment to do that.
Top that with the confusion I felt actually wanting to fuck a female, and I was one very mixed up person. Training was just so odd to me, I felt the need to assert my dominance over her, to just be better, and I wound up excelling in just about everything I put my mind to. I got better than her in martial arts, hell, I could even beat her in a quick draw contest. I even overcame my initial objections and got better at the whole Tea ceremony and Japanese etiquette thing. The thing I could not get past was my essential need to dominate, to control, to be the center of it all. I just could not be the shrinking violet, the submissive Geisha.
I did discover an unknown (to me) talent for things mechanical, and I somehow found a sort of peace in piloting a spacecraft, in working out just the perfect course from one point to another. It was as though I were a piece of dandelion fluff, dancing on the wind, subject to it’s whim yet inexorably going where I wanted to with no real effort at all, and that feeling filled me with joy. I think the thing I most enjoyed was relearning the medical profession and knowing that I had the knowledge and the power to heal people from grievous and horrible injuries and sickness.
This thing was what gave me pleasure and a sense of accomplishment beyond what I had felt in my previous professional life. I will admit I gloated a little when I was able to be graceful and perfectly composed in my kimono while Sean was floundering about in hers like an elephant in a silk shop. Truthfully, she was composed and beautiful, but neither of us were anything like the picture of grace and beauty a perfect Geisha should be. It’s not that we didn’t try, but I guess too many years of training to be butch males had infected us, and neither one of us was truly able to get it right.
I know for myself that when it finally came time to present a proper tea ceremony for Mama Yotori, I felt about as clumsy as it was possible to feel, and it showed. I fumbled the mixing of the tea, I sat just wrong, and I almost spilled the cup onto her when I handed it to her. To tell the truth I hadn’t ever been so mortified, not even when I had gotten hired in a five star restaurant and had no idea what I was doing. That feeling astonished me, for I hadn’t realized until that moment how important it was to me that I succeeded in this, because there was no other way I would be able to accompany my love into what was supposed to be the rest of our lives.
I mean, I knew I loved her, had for many years, and always would, but the idea that screwing up something as simple as a tea ceremony would take her from me, would keep us apart, that just made me feel like someone was ripping my heart out, and I spun and ran from the compartment, mopping the tears from my eyes, not truly caring if I ran into a bulkhead or not, bouncing from wall to wall, my vision obscured by the rippling film my own eyes subjected me to.
I came to my senses a while later, and wonder of wonders, it was my love holding me tight. Rocking me back and forth and crooning to me in her fantastic contralto as she wiped the tears from my face.
“Baby, you gotta tell me what’s wrong if I’m gonna help! Please tell me what’s wrong. Please?.” I gulped back another sob and managed to say it.
“I don’t wanna lose you, and I fucked up on the ceremony so bad, and its Mama Yotori, and if I lose you just because I can’t manage a stupid tea ceremony I just wanna die! I know this is all you ever wanted, and I won’t hold you back from it, I just don’t wanna lose you! I don’t wanna live if it’s gonna be without you!”
She folded me into her wonderful long, strong arms and just held me and crooned wordlessly into my ears until I stopped sobbing enough to hear her. “Baby, you’re never gonna lose me, no matter what! When I said till death do us part, I meant it! Nothing short of one of us dying will tear us apart, and that includes the Company. Now just calm down for a few minutes and go back to see Mama Yotori. If she says you don’t pass inspection, then neither do I, and we will make our way somehow else. I don’t care if we have to work the rest of our long lives in slavery, nothing will ever make me leave you!”
By this time, she was sobbing too. The truth is, both of us were a mess, tear streaked makeup, the whole bit, and we looked a fright. She steered me into the head and we both made ourselves up to be at least somewhat presentable. Then it was the long march down the corridors to face destiny, to go back to see Mama Yotori.
I could not keep my hands from shaking as I pushed the button which would sound the bell for admittance. I truly dreaded seeing the woman’s face, for I expected to see her disapproval written all over, some sort of mask of fury. You can imagine how dumfounded I was when I was greeted with welcoming arms and a woman stroking my back while I poured out my heart to her. I truthfully don’t have any idea what she said to me, but I do know that I left feeling better, and knowing that Mama Yotori cared less about the ceremony than about the meaning I put into it, however graceless it might be.
The next night, when we made our musical presentation, I put everything I had into it and I know my love did too. I felt inadequate, but the crowd seemed to think differently, and we left the hall floating on clouds.
I guess at that point the remaining thing was that I was not just afraid of spaceflight, I was afraid of just plain old air flight. I kept my terror down to a bare simmer because I knew my love had been lusting for the moment when the boosters lit for all of her life, and I was determined not to ruin it for her with my own fear. Still, as I felt her squeeze my hand in anticipation, I had to apply every fiber of will in my being not to clutch her hand in terror and hope she didn’t notice how tightly I was gripping the armrest on the other side.
Sean was unsure exactly how to proceed, as the atmosphere on the other side of the hatch seemed almost chilly to her. The captain of the ship stood there, a tall blond Nordic type of man, no readable expression on his face. She decided to just go with being a businesslike spacer, presenting both of their papers to the man. “Captain Thorssen?” Her warm contralto seemed to just crack the surface of his icy demeanor as he reached for the proffered papers. “Sir, Sean and Charlie Barber reporting for duty.” The three of them stood there while he seemed to study their papers intently.
May 5, 2035.
An auburn haired woman pulled her trolley of luggage along the passageway, followed by a tiny blonde. It was obvious from their pink shipsuits who and what they were, but neither of them took any notice of the eyes following them as they embarked on the shuttle bound for the Thor Heyerdahl. In truth many of the spacers which belonged to those eyes were at the same time lustful towards and intimidated by the aura both of them put out, a cast of feature which both screamed sensuality and whispered danger. There was a difference between them, the bubbly blonde much more on the sensual end while the taller auburn haired woman seemed to stalk along the passage.
They quietly boarded, relieved of their baggage by crewmen who seemed almost abashed at approaching them. Soon, the only thing left in the crowded terminal was the memory of their passage. It wasn’t like this terminal was unused to the passage of caregivers, but this pair had a sort of magnetism that wouldn’t soon let anyone forget them. They efficiently strapped down into seats while the shuttle crew secured their baggage, then they were on their way to their first assignment.
Neither of them said a word that was not necessary during the short shuttle trip, but it was obvious to the crew from the glances between them that these two were new to the whole business of space travel. They arrived at the Heyerdahl and were hustled off the shuttle with equal efficiency.
Sean was unsure exactly how to proceed, as the atmosphere on the other side of the hatch seemed almost chilly to her. The captain of the ship stood there, a tall blond Nordic type of man, no readable expression on his face. She decided to just go with being a businesslike spacer, presenting both of their papers to the man. “Captain Thorssen?” Her warm contralto seemed to just crack the surface of his icy demeanor as he reached for the proffered papers. “Sir, Sean and Charlie Barber reporting for duty.” The three of them stood there while he seemed to study their papers intently.
“Everything seems to be in order here. Welcome aboard ladies.” He handed their orders back to them, another sheet on top of each set. “These will be your quarters. Take a while to get settled in and find your bearings, the midday meal will be served in 2 hours.” With that, he spun on his heels and marched down the passageway, his bearing stiffly erect.
Neither of them spoke for a moment, exchanging curious looks at each other and at the back of the rapidly retreating man. “Geez, I wonder what bug crawled up his ass?” The diminutive blonde giggled at her own remark.
“Damn, I was just wondering how far up it the broom handle went…” They both were on the edge of going from giggling to outright laughter when another figure came out of a side passage and extended his rather large and beefy hand to them.
“Welcome ladies, your other luggage and reputations have preceded you.” Despite the immense muscular bulk of the man, he was giving off the impression of a puppy eager to please, practically wagging his tail as he shook each of their hands in turn. “Don’t mind Gunnar, he’s had a bit of a bad go lately, wife left him and all. Said she couldn’t stand being married to a man she never saw. You’d never guess it but the poor guy’s heartbroken about the whole thing. Anyway, lemme grab your stuff and let’s get you two settled in.”
He efficiently retracted the wheels and pull handles of their bundles and proceeded down the passageway in a rolling sort of gait. He spoke over his shoulder as he lumbered “Oh, sorry, forgot to introduce myself, I’m Leif, First Mate, Gunnar’s my big brother. You’ll meet the rest of the crew in a couple of hours but I wanted to give you some time to settle in.”
The two women regarded his broad back as he effortlessly carried his burden. The taller of the two women said quietly “Holy shit, you know that’s about 200 kilos he’s carrying and he acts like he hasn’t even noticed it was heavy.”
“Yeah, kinda makes you wonder if his muscles match the rest of him, huh?” The blonde looked wide eyed and innocent, or at least tried to. They both went back to giggling as the speculation reached ever more outrageous proportions. By the time they reached the double cabin they would share, they had hatched a plan of action.
Leif had deposited their luggage in the small cabin and turned to squeeze his way past them when he found a small blonde blocking his way and grinning up at him. “You ain’t going anywhere until we give you a tip, mister!”
An hour later he left with a huge grin on his face.
As the hatch closed behind his ponderous and now sweaty bulk, the two sprang into action. For the next few minutes, the tiny cabin was a flurry of motion as they quickly sponged themselves off and dressed in fresh pink shipsuits. With about 5 minutes to go, they were both helping each other with hair and the lightest of makeup.
“Damn, who would have thought the one muscle was bigger than all the others? I think I’m ruined for the week!” The taller of the two fought to keep from blinking as her eyes were artfully smudged with color.
“What are you talking about, I think I dislocated my jaw! Hold still, dammit!”
They deliberately arrived in the ship’s mess about 5 minutes late. The hatch slid open to reveal 12 men in the process of shoveling food into their mouths as quickly as they could. There was a moment of near silence, broken only by the noise of swallowing and a fork being dropped. Even the taciturn and proper captain was staring, a forkful of food forgotten halfway to his mouth, just hanging there.
“Well, I guess we’ll have to introduce ourselves then. I’m Sean, the little hottie here is Charlie. Tell me you left something for us to eat!”
There was a general scramble to make room for them and plates seemed to magically appear in front of the empty spaces on the benches. Sean headed for one table and Charlie for the other, dishing up food for themselves while the mostly conversationless eating resumed. Lief was being very solicituous to Sean as she ate her food quickly but almost daintily, her eyes noting the posture and mannerisms of the men around her. Her eyes were almost immediately drawn to a slight young man who seemed almost withdrawn on his corner of the table, noting the slight separation he seemed to maintain between himself and the others.
Charlie had sat across the table from the captain and was trying to catch his eye without much success. He kept his eyes on his plate and shoveled the food into his mouth in almost a mechanical fashion, detached in a way from his surroundings and the men who constituted his command. She too noticed the young man who seemed to be in his own little bubble of space.
A soon as each crewman finished eating they left the mess without saying much at all. There was something going on here, some sort of tension that seemed to permeate the ship, and Charlie was distracted from her meal as she put her mind to working on just what that might be.
One shift, I found myself in the aeroponics section along with Simon, the slight young man we had both noticed keeping himself apart from the rest in the mess hall the first time we had eaten aboard ship. I had noticed that he cast longing glances at both of us when we ate, but not in the same way as the others, and he had never tried to approach either of us as the others had. There had been no time for anything but the business of running the ship since we first broke orbit, but as we shuffled around each other, checking pumps and sprayers, pruning plants to ensure maximal growth patterns and yields, I noticed him glancing at me sideways when he thought I wasn’t looking.
Chapter 11
Sean
The Heyerdahl boosted out of Earth orbit 24 hours after we boarded, bound for the belt with a cargo of refinery components. Kennecot Geophysical was building a refinery to process the ores gleaned from asteroids for shipment to Earth and our shipment was required to keep the project on schedule. The manufacturer had delivered the components almost a month late and we had to boost hard to make it in time.
Even with compensation from the ship’s artificial gravity, we were experiencing 1.5 gravities onboard for the first pat of the journey outbound. I think Charlie was least affected by it as she had less mass to haul around compared to the rest of us. Poor Leif was worst hit. I can’t say how it felt for anyone else, but for me, it made every step just a little more effort and we all pretty much dragged ass the whole way.
Charlie and I did our best to get to know the crew, to do what we were supposed to do, be their lovers, confidants, all of that, but it was made almost impossible by the fact of ever present exhaustion. There really wasn’t time to do much more than our duties on shift and collapse into our bunks after, exhausted. That’s not to say that there wasn’t a bit of sexual relief going on, but it was so hard to do that and keep up with our duties as regular crewmembers that that end of things suffered. Most nights, Charlie and I simply snuggled into our bed and fell asleep, tired beyond belief. We both knew that the crew was doing the same, working themselves to exhaustion and sleeping until it was time for the next shift.
Captain Thorssen seemed to be almost invulnerable to the stress of the thing. He spent all sorts of hours on the bridge or prowling through the engineering spaces of the ship, looking over everyone’s shoulders and making them nervous. In our few spare moments alone, Charlie and I speculated about him, wondering just how long he could remain this way before he broke. The evidence of his pain hung about him like a shroud.
One shift, I found myself in the aeroponics section along with Simon, the slight young man we had both noticed keeping himself apart from the rest in the mess hall the first time we had eaten aboard ship. I had noticed that he cast longing glances at both of us when we ate, but not in the same way as the others, and he had never tried to approach either of us as the others had. There had been no time for anything but the business of running the ship since we first broke orbit, but as we shuffled around each other, checking pumps and sprayers, pruning plants to ensure maximal growth patterns and yields, I noticed him glancing at me sideways when he thought I wasn’t looking.
Suddenly, it came to me, the answer to his dilemma. I tried to keep from speaking, but this was too important. “Simon, you want to be like me, don’t you?”
He literally bolted from the aeroponics bay, running at full tilt down the passage leading to crew’s quarters. I knew his bunkmate was crashed out in his cabin at that moment, so I pursued. “Simon, come back here and talk to me! It’s ok, I won’t tell anybody!” I caught him and tried to grab his arm, tried to turn him around to talk to me, but he was so strong he simply whipped his arm out of my grasp and continued fleeing, straight into the immovable bulk of an enormous and clearly exhausted Leif.
He bounced, literally, landing with a muttered oath on his butt. I skidded to a halt just short of him and tried to grab hold. He shook my grip off and tried to proceed past a now awake and immobile giant. “Boy, it looks like the lady wants to talk with you, and I wouldn’t argue with her if I was you.” His deep rumbling voice seemed to just sort of reset everything. He turned back towards me and just gave a little shrug, effortlessly placing Simon’s hand in my own.
“Thanks Leif, now go to bed before you fall down. See you at breakfast, ok?” He replied with that amiable grin of his and ambled off in the direction of his cabin.
I had hold of Simon now, and I wasn’t going to let him go until I had an answer. He seemed to have given up in his desire to flee so it was with minimal effort that I dragged him back into the aeroponics bay. I made certain the hatches were secured before I turned to him finally, finding him seemingly engrossed in an examination of nutrient flow rates.
“Simon, I was right, wasn’t I?” He started, jolted from the reverie he had fallen into. “Simon, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.” I moved over to his side. “I was once the same as you, you know.”
“That’s just not possible!” He was agitated again, fussing with the controls, making impossibly minute adjustments to flow rates on the sprayers. “Look at you, and look at me, nothing could ever make that kind of difference! I’m just a fucking freak!” I could see the beginnings of a thunderstorm of tears beginning to pour from the corners of his eyes. He seemed almost to shrink in on himself as the storm finally burst and he folded into a ball on the floor, weeping inconsolably.
I held him for a long time while he wept on me, rocking him back and forth in my arms, stroking his hair, trying to soothe him as the tears that he had held back for so long poured forth. I found myself crooning an old song to him, only half conscious of what I was saying through the veil of my own tears.
“Hush, little baby, don't say a word,
Mama's going to buy you a mockingbird.
And if that mockingbird don't sing,
Mama's going to buy you a diamond ring.
And if that diamond ring turns brass,
Mama's going to buy you a looking glass.
And if that looking glass gets broke,
Mama's going to buy you a billy goat.
And if that billy goat won't pull,
Mama's going to buy you a cart and bull.
And if that cart and bull turn over,
Mama's going to buy you a dog named Rover.
And if that dog named Rover won't bark,
Mama's going to buy you a horse and cart.
And if that horse and cart fall down,
You'll still be the sweetest little baby in town.”
I just held him and rocked him in my arms for a while until he had cried himself out. “Simon, listen to me. I spent 60 years in the same hell as you, and mama Yotori helped me sort it out. You can be who you want to be. No promises, but I can put in a recommendation for you.”
“There’s no way you were ever like me, no way you can ever understand.” He almost spat the words. “I’ve seen sex changes with surgery and hormones, there’s no way you were ever one of those. And you try to tell me you are 60 plus years old! You’re not a day over 25! No way in hell!”
“Simon, I’m 63 years old. I spent the first 60 years of my life as a male and never wanted to be anything other than a woman. I hated myself, damn near killed myself a few times. The only thing that saved me was love, and even that came with complications. You see, I was a boy, and I fell in love with an older man. No matter how much I loved him, he could not accept me as a female, and I gotta tell you, I didn’t look the part either. I gave up that part of myself for him for 43 years. It was hard for me, harder than you can imagine, but at least the man I loved acknowledged his love for me, even though he was sorta stuck in the mud.”
He seemed to relax a little, looking up at me with red eyes. “You really mean I could be like you, a real girl and everything?” There was a slowly dawning look of wonder on his face.
“There’s a chance, a pretty good chance.” I wiped the tears from his face. “You’d be a caregiver, just like me and Charlie. I can’t guarantee you’d be accepted, but recommendations from 2 caregivers and the fact that you already hold all of your spacer certs makes you pretty much an ideal candidate.”
He looked confused for a moment. “You said two recommendations? How?”
I sat him down facing me and took both my hands in mine. “Well, remember I told you I was in love with a man for 43 years?” He nodded. “Well, it’s not like he went anywhere, we’re still together. We share the same bed when one of us isn’t sharing somebody else’s.”
It took him a second to figure it out. “You mean Charlie was a guy too?”
“Yep, for almost 80 years, but he wasn’t like me and you, he never really wanted to be a woman. I will say she makes a pretty damn good one though, and she really seems to enjoy it.” I pulled him back to his feet. “Now come on, these plants won’t take care of themselves. We’ll talk more after this shift, ok?” He just nodded and we spent several more hours tending greenery in a companionable silence, broken by the occasional happy humming coming from him.
The Heyerdahl continued straining its way toward the belt, the crew working themselves to exhaustion, but one source of that tension the two women had felt that first day aboard had eased. Simon seemed to relax and interact more with his crewmates, even engaging in some light banter with the others where before he had been almost totally withdrawn. The other major source of tension was still stalking the ship like some kind of wraith. The captain was to be found at all hours, anywhere in the ship but his cabin and it was plainly making the crew uncomfortable.
Charlie and Sean debated what to do about it, not really coming to any sort of obvious conclusion. In the end, it was Charlie who took action, in the most direct possible way.
Captain Thorssen had just gotten off his duty shift on the bridge and was headed to his cabin for a quick shower before dinner. He stepped into his shower cubicle and was busily washing himself down when suddenly he felt hands other than his own lathering up his nether regions. This sensation was quickly followed by the unmistakable feeling of a very feminine and very petite body rubbing up against him. His eyes, closed against the soap, snapped open to behold Charlie holding him and rubbing her breasts up against his torso.
Gunnar found himself torn between a desire to eject this vision of blonde beauty from his shower and another, equally strong desire to embrace her and give in to what she so obviously wanted. The soap in his eyes made the decision for him as he leaned toward the shower head to rinse the stinging stuff out of his eyes and she took the opportunity to slide down him and engulf him in her mouth.
They missed dinner, and breakfast.
Sean stood for a moment, her violin hanging from her fingers. She was terrified, shocked, unable to move or even swallow for an instant of time that seemed to her to last forever. She finally lifted her instrument and almost aggressively clamped her chin down on the pad. She held her bow over her violin as though she was ready to beat the instrument, so it was a surprise when the first notes she wrung from it were so soft as to be almost inaudible.
Chapter 12
Charlie was exhausted. The emotional roller coaster she had been through the night before showed clearly on her face as she made her way to the cabin that was her home with Sean on ship and, she supposed, their home for quite a while yet to come. She couldn’t get the image of the strong man she knew as Gunnar out of her head, his sobbing as she drew his head to her breast and encouraged his tears to flow down her bosom after the glorious release of that first pent up orgasm had caused the dam which held him in check to burst with the finality of birthwaters.
She wasn’t absolutely sure she was in love with him, but she knew there were deep feelings there waiting to grow if she let them, and it scared her. She wondered just how she was going to approach this subject with Sean.
“So how was our fine captain?”
Sean was moving around the small cabin, pulling on a fresh shipsuit, an expression of satisfaction on her face. Charlie eyed her for a moment before replying, admiring her love. *How she would have loved to be like this when we were together back then.* She thought to herself. *I was so selfish to deny her the chance.* For now, Charlie was bound up in her own miasma of guilt, little realizing how her lover felt.
“Insatiable,” Charlie reflected for a moment on her thoughts of the previous night, a quick flash of heat in her core at the memory of him, the expression on his face at the moment he finally let himself go to ride the tides of sensation. “and sad. I’ve never had a man cry on me while making love to me. We spent the rest of the night talking about how guilty he felt.”
Sean turned to look at Charlie as a tear leaked from her eye. “So was he guilty about having sex with you, or guilty about his relationship with his wife going south?” Charlie didn’t respond for a moment, the single tear turning into a steady flow down her cheeks.
“Both, neither, I don’t know, I just know I feel so bad for him that he’s tied up in feeling so much to blame no matter what he does. I mean, he’s a spacer and she knew it when she married him. Poor guy has worked basically his entire life to make his ambition come to fruition and just at the moment he manages to make his dream of owning his own ship and being truly independent a reality, she goes all cold fish on him. He’s got 2 sons with her, 5 year old twins, and he feels guilty for abandoning them, even though he has given up juicy contract jobs to get back to Earth as often as possible just to spend time with them.”
Sean folded her into an embrace and let her just cry on her shoulder, stroking her back as she let it out. “You know, I talked with Leif about this last night some, and he thinks Gunnar doesn’t have a thing in the world to feel guilty about.” She shifted Charlie back to look her in the eye, raising her chin to plant a soft kiss on her salty lips. “To hear him tell it, she started seeing other guys even before the twins were born and already has another guy lined up to replace him. The poor man was so blinded by his own feelings he couldn’t believe she would betray him that way.”
Charlie sniffled a bit. “I can’t believe I’ve become so involved in all of this. I mean I was trained to be a counselor and I’m supposed to be all detached and everything. Why do I feel like this?’
“Well, it’s because you aren’t a counselor anymore.” Sean shifted them both into a spooning position, hugging her love close to her. “You’re a Caregiver now, and that means you care. You couldn’t do what we do and not care. You spent all night caring for Gunnar’s hurt soul and I spent all night caring for his brother. Do you think we could do that if we didn’t invest our own emotions, our own souls, into the men we care for? It doesn’t mean we love each other any less, just that we have enough room in our hearts to love them too.”
Charlie snuggled back into her warm embrace. “Yeah, I know all that, but damn it’s hard sometimes, you know?”
“I know baby, I know”
Neither of them had a shift scheduled that day, so they spent the first half of the day secluded in their cabin. Just after lunch Charlie emerged and took over the galley. She spent most of the time until dinner immersed in the arcana of cooking, basically being a little blonde terror to the two crewmen who had the misfortune to work with her. They learned a great deal, but not without the occasional outburst. Finally all was ready to her satisfaction and she disappeared to change for dinner with dire warnings not to touch anything.
Dinner was a first class experience with course after course of gourmet dishes transporting captain and crew into culinary realms heretofore undreamed of. It was nearly ruined at the very end as a crewman lunged for a fire extinguisher when the Bananas Foster caught fire, but Sean had the foresight to stand by the extinguisher and intercept him. After the meal, the two men standing bridge watch went back to their stations but were still watching and listening via remote.
As the remaining crew relaxed into after dinner drinks, Sean snuck away and emerged into an area that had been cut off from the main mess area by sheets hung as curtains. Charlie stood up and strolled over, yanking the curtains aside on the prearranged signal to reveal a stage with Charlie’s synthesizer set up and a dramatically posing Sean, dressed in a tight black silk dress, violin and bow hanging in her hands. There was a moment of applause and hooting from the assembled crew.
“Well boys, I figure we’ll start with something appropriate to this particular trip. Now the original version of this song was done by the Charlie Daniels Band, but a group called Primus came along and did it one better, so here goes!” She tucked her violin beneath her chin and began with a flurry of mountain style fiddling from almost a century before as Charlie took her place at the synth.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FRtkek-Et4
The Devil went down to Georgia,
he was looking for a soul to steal.
He was in a bind, 'cause he was way behind,
he was willing to make a deal.
By the time the song was finished, the assembled crew were stomping and clapping to the music. The duo segued into a series of early 20th century jazz tunes, alternating them with some current pop and a bit of early 21st century trip hop. At the end of a Portishead number, Charlie stood up behind her keyboard and came out to face the assembled crew.
“Now yawl have heard some good music tonight, and some damn fine fiddle playing, but I want Sean to show you the true extent of her skill and amazing talent. You have before you one of the most amazing violin virtuosi of the past 200 years.” Sean was trying very hard to shrink into the jury rigged curtains and disappear. “She is going to play for you a piece that even the composer said might not be possible to play properly.”
She literally dragged a numbly resisting Sean back to center stage. “Gentlemen, I give you Ravel’s “Tzigane”, also known as “The Gypsy”.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JK7yo-lEm-8
Sean stood for a moment, her violin hanging from her fingers. She was terrified, shocked, unable to move or even swallow for an instant of time that seemed to her to last forever. She finally lifted her instrument and almost aggressively clamped her chin down on the pad. She held her bow over her violin as though she was ready to beat the instrument, so it was a surprise when the first notes she wrung from it were so soft as to be almost inaudible. By the end of the first section, she was crying softly as she played. Most of the assembled crew were trying to hide the fact that they were crying along with her.
The only one not trying to hide his emotion was Lief. He was all but sobbing, holding himself back only because he wanted to hear the music that at that moment was touching his soul so deeply, as the first part came to an end and Charlie began to weave her piano into the melody. Now the tone of the music went from mournful to a sort of melancholy joy, something spacers could well understand and identify with, but with an undertow of sorrow. By the end of the performance, Sean’s fingers and bow arm were causing her almost as much pain as her pent up emotions that she had released into her playing, and she was weeping copiously, not even aware of the fact that the fingers on her left hand were bleeding from her furious and forceful fretwork.
Sean wasn’t alone in her tears, the entire crew, including those listening from the bridge, were wracked with emotion. Not one of them had ever heard anything like that, where the instrument became a living extension of the artist’s soul. Anyone listening could have been forgiven for thinking that it was the instrument weeping, crying out its sorrow to the universe. For all of that, there was no doubt in their minds that they had heard the sorrow of a thousand lifetimes and the hope borne of its endurance, all in just over 9 minutes of music wrung from the tortured soul of someone who knew what every second and nuance of it felt.
Unknown to either Sean or Charlie, one of the bridge crew had broadcast the entire performance, including visuals, over ship’s coms on wideband and had recorded it as well. Sean and Charlie had no idea that they had just given a performance that would be the talk of the music world within a week. All they knew at that moment was that they wanted to hold each other and be comforted in the other’s arms.
But first, there was some serious drinking to be done.
Charlie pulled the bloodstained puddle of black silk down over Sean’s hips, kissing her way down the trail from the bottom of her ribcage to the top of her pubic mound, bringing little moans of delight from her lover’s throat. “You like that, huh?”
“Oooh, yeah!” Sean was too far gone in desire and drink to say much more as the gentle butterfly kisses proceeded even further down. They had decided to spend the night together even though it meant none of the crew would have any relief that night, but some things were more important and their love for each other was one of those things. Things proceeded from there and they fell asleep in each other’s arms, thoroughly sated.
“I feel like I should be spending more time with you.” Sean was pensive, her eyes searching Charlie’s face for signs of jealousy or disapproval as she adjusted her kimono. “I mean we only really get one night to ourselves for the week and I feel I should spend it with you and not off playing around with The Hulk.”
“Don’t call Lief that, can’t you just imagine how awful he would look in green body paint!” Charlie broke into a fit of giggling which soon had Sean giggling right along with her. The two hugged, each careful of the other’s makeup, then indulged in a passionate kiss. “Hey, I love you and I know you love me. We’ve had over 40 years to establish that fact. Just because you are falling in love with Lief and I am falling in love with Gunnar doesn’t change anything between us. They both know that we each have screwed and loved almost every single man aboard this ship and enjoyed the hell out of ourselves doing it.”
“More importantly, they both know our history together and we both know them well enough to know they would never want to get between us. I think we’re doing the right thing tonight, both of us. Now you go tell your mountain of a man how you feel and I’ll do the same with my big strong captain, but I want you to know for sure that you have always been first in my heart and always will be. Like you told me” she lifted Sean’s face so their eyes met and kissed her gently, “just because we have room in our hearts for others does not mean we love each other any less.” Sean realized as they exchanged tender kisses that it was true, and that knowledge gave her the courage she needed to continue.
The two women had made it abundantly clear that their duties as Caregivers continued, no matter what feelings may exist. Each of them continued caring for the other members of the crew. Often that did in fact mean sex, but as time went on it became more evident that it really meant caring, whether that caring took the form of just a quiet dinner and the chance to talk about things they couldn’t share with their crewmates, whatever was needed. They became mothers and lovers and more to the crew. In short, they were doing what Caregivers were supposed to do, giving of themselves to their fellow space travelers.
In the time it took to journey from Earth orbit across the entire orbit of earth and on to the orbit of the particular rock they were heading for, the crew went from being an assortment of individuals to being a family.
By the time they had delivered their cargo and proceeded to Mars orbit, they were in fact more tightly knit than any family the old Earth way of doing things had ever conceived of. There was not a single member of the crew who would not willingly lay down their life for any of the others. 6 of the 14 were deeply in love; even though two of them had problems admitting it to themselves.
Simon had fallen fast and hard for Vasily Zaitsev, the reserved and stoic Georgian who did his best to keep to himself . They had shared a hard night of drinking and Simon had shared his secret with Vasily. They wound up sleeping together. There wasn’t any sex that night, but as things progressed between the two, they became nearly inseparable and it was almost inevitable that one night, things would proceed to the next level between them.
Sean had been the catalyst for that, teaching Simon what he needed to know on the hygiene front, how to be clean and so on. Of course things weren’t that easy and Simon came crying to Lief’s cabin, knowing Sean would be there. He hadn’t known how to say what he felt and Vasily had been equally scared. Sean wound up helping the two have their first sex, physically guiding them into place as she murmured reassurance into both their ears.
The emotional aftermath was more than the physical. Simon collapsed in tears at the end of the sexual act. Vasily tried to soothe him and Sean wound up drawing out how he felt.
“Vasily, as much as I wanted it, I just don’t feel like I can give you what I want to give you!” Simon buried his face into his pillow, sobs wracking his slender frame. “I want to be a real woman for you, to give you children like a real woman can!”
Vasily drew Simon into a tight hug. “Look, I don’t care what you look like, I don’t care if you can give me children or anything like that. I know that I have wanted you for a long time and I have never seen you as anything other than a woman. I want you to be my woman and I don’t give a nyekulturney goddamn what anyone else thinks.!” He relaxed his hug enough to free an arm and force Simon to look at him. “I love you, dammit, and whoever or whatever you are it doesn’t matter to me. I will love you no matter what!”
Sean slipped away as they held each other and relaxed into what was, at that point, almost inevitable. The only reservation in her mind was what would happen if they wound up on different ships when Simon had her appointment with the Caregivers.
The Heyerdahl bounced around the belt for almost a full year, carrying various cargoes from place to place and the crew became a great deal more relaxed and friendly, with no small thanks to Sean and Charlie’s efforts along those lines. Finally there came another cargo to Earth that was worth taking.
The captain and his brother had fallen deeply in love, but they both realized that they did not have the money to buy out the contracts of their respective sweethearts, so they longed for a cargo that would give them the option to do what they so deeply desired. When it seemingly dropped in their laps, they jumped at the chance. By this time, the belt refinery had come into operation and the first of the cargoes of semi-refined metals was ready for return to Earth.
So it was that the Heyerdahl was boosting for Earth in May of 2036 with a cargo of 20 million tons of semi refined ore, bound for the refineries in Low Earth Orbit. As soon as the cargo was confirmed, Sean was on the com back to Earth. She had almost 3 months to set things up, but the surprise was definitely worth the wait.
There was a significant delay in communications due to distance, so Sean simply sent off her prepared message to Headquarters and continued her duties at the con. She was not expecting any sort of immediate response, so was surprised when coms relayed a message to her in their cabin shortly after the end of her shift. Surprised turned to shock when the face that took form on her screen was that of Mary Yotori.
The message was short, but very clear. Mama Yotori would be happy to see Simon when they arrived in Earth orbit. She ended her message with best wishes for both of them and even mentioned the insane popularity their performance of Tzigane had gained back on Earth. Apparently there were some rabid fans who wanted to see the performance live and she wanted to know if they would be amenable to scheduling a concert while dirtside. Sean replayed the message for Charlie when she came in a little later. “So do you want to do it?”
Charlie tossed a mischievous grin across the cabin. “Of course I do, and anyway, with Mama Yotori asking, it’s almost like a command performance, isn’t it?”
May 18, 2036
Sean was standing her watch aboard the bridge, shortly after they left the refinery. The cargo of ore was well balanced so there were no concerns on that level. The load was so massive that the engines could only manage 3/4g of boost against the mass. The trajectory they had to follow meant that it would take them almost 3 months to get back to low earth orbit for transshipment. Automated systems were managing the workload and everything was within parameters so when she gasped and went rigid, the bridge crew definitely took notice.
When Gunnar arrived, Sean was still sitting stiffly, not replying to any questions, not even seeming to notice their efforts to get her attention. Gunnar had occupied himself checking all ship’s sensors, ensuring there was nothing wrong with the craft or their course, but before he had time to deal with Sean the growing ponderous thunder that was Leif running on the deck plating came to an abrupt stop. Gunnar did not turn from his examination of the readouts but he knew something was seriously wrong by the way his brother’s ragged breathing hitched for a moment.
“I’m taking her back to her cabin. Make sure Charlie is there too.” With that he lifted her easily and carried her back through the hatch, being very careful not to bang her head on the lip of the opening. Her ankles took a brutal mauling, but neither of them noticed. Sean was too numb to take note of the sharp pain and Leif was just too concerned for her to realize that he had inflicted further pain in his eagerness to help. He dashed through the passageways to crew quarters, arriving at almost the same time as Charlie.
“What’s wrong with her?” Leif just shook his head as she keyed the lock, unshed tears glistening bright in his own eyes. He almost shoved her out of the way in his haste to get her to the bunk, laying her out with infinite care.
“I think she just got a huge shock and you aren’t far behind, so let me get you both a drink before I tell you, Ok?” Charlie fussed around with a marginally responsive Sean for a moment while Leif poured them all three large glasses of straight vodka. He brushed Charlie aside and held the glass to Sean’s lips, tipping a sip into her mouth. He held her as she sputtered and coughed, the harsh liquor burning its way down her throat as she gasped and then broke down sobbing, curling into his strong arms. He did the only thing he could at that point, holding her as she gasped her way back to awareness of the world outside of her own mind.
He turned his attention to Charlie as Sean grabbed hold of the glass and this time took a very large slug of the potent drink, gasping as she swallowed but relaxing a little in his arms as she did. Charlie regarded her glass for a moment and took a large slug of her own before setting the glass down and shoving Leif aside to cradle her love in her arms. “What’s wrong? What happened?”
Sean took a moment, tilting back another large slug of the liquor. “Mama Yotori is dead!” she wailed, collapsing back into the pillows Leif had arranged for her and sobbing. “Somebody killed her, I just know it!”
What had looked to be an uneventful trip back to Earth became something other. After 3 days in their cabin, the two women emerged, determined to put up a front, if not of happiness, then at least of some semblance of normality. Each of them had been tremendously attached to this woman who was so much more to them both than just an employer. She had helped them to overcome some of their most difficult challenges during training and had been the deciding factor in their initial acceptance at CGI, so in their minds, they owed her everything since the life they had now could not have been possible without her.
Gradually things improved aboard ship, but it would be a real stretch to say that normalcy had returned to the Heyerdahl. Sean took to almost obsessive violin playing. She was rarely to be found without her instrument, even playing on duty when she had bridge watch. When that happened, it was usually Vasily at coms and he made a habit of broadcasting while she played. There were some spots of brightness in the music, usually when she was in a manic mood, but overwhelmingly it was dirges, requiems and other music which served to express her grief.
It wasn’t just that she was grieving for Mary Yotori, to say that would have been woefully inadequate. She was grieving for the loss of her newfound innocence. She knew what she was going to do when the opportunity presented itself, and that thirst for revenge brought her back into a space she thought she had left behind for good. This came out in her playing, and as the calluses grew on her fingers, so did they grow on her heart.
Pan Am 1088 Black Boxes Found on Wake Island!
Pan Am technicians, operating in concert with a FASA disaster team, uncovered the two flight data recorders from Pan Am Flight 1088 which crashed in May. Preliminary data indicates that the craft suffered a catastrophic loss of the fuel pump in its starboard engine, primary and auxiliary hydraulics and the Master Avionics Computer at more or less the same time.
Officials from Pan Am and the manufacturer of the aircraft had no further comment, simply saying that they were investigating how such an unlikely series of failures could occur.
Chapter 13
What none of them realized was that the Heyerdahl had become known as the funeral ship. In Mary Yotori’s native Japan, it was rare to find a music venue that was not playing some sort of tribute to their most prominent citizen for the entire official month of mourning after her ornate and incredibly well attended state funeral. Video showed literally millions of mourners lining the streets of Osaka as her casket was borne away to her final rest.
Many performances were given to honor her, but featured most prominently around the solar system were simply some recordings of violin solos from a ship known only as “The Funeral Ship”. No ID had ever been broadcast with the impromptu performances on the bridge, so all the world knew was the beautiful yet incredibly sad music that was floating in the ether to be intercepted by a lucky few at irregular intervals. Luckily, that music had been recorded and shared, at first by a few. Given the way of things, those few shared with others and the music soon grew to enormous popularity in Japan.
As the official month of mourning proceeded, the haunting melodies wrought from that single unaccompanied violin began to become the unofficial music for the solemn occasion.
Sean knew none of this, nor did the crew of the Heyerdahl. On some very real level, even though she was totally alert and functional, Sean had become emotionally buried in a very deep depression. It was something she held so privately within herself that not even Charlie was able to tell for sure. She had her suspicions, because she remembered that Sean had radiated that sort of feverish intensity that she was displaying now before, and she remembered all too clearly the horrible events that had surrounded those times.
The only thing that anyone else could detect was a feeling of desperation in her lovemaking, and with Leif, an almost animalistic hunger. It was enough to jar the dynamic that had evolved aboard ship, just a little. Just enough.
Sean stiffened as she read the headline:
Pan Am 1088 Black Boxes Found on Wake Island!
Pan Am technicians, operating in concert with a FASA disaster team, uncovered the two flight data recorders from Pan Am Flight 1088 which crashed in May. Preliminary data indicates that the craft suffered a catastrophic loss of the fuel pump in its starboard engine, primary and auxiliary hydraulics and the Master Avionics Computer at more or less the same time.
Officials from Pan Am and the manufacturer of the aircraft had no further comment, simply saying that they were investigating how such an unlikely series of failures could occur.
Her thoughts raced. This was the next best thing to confirmation that she could get! She had been right all along, someone had killed Mama Yotori. The frustrating thing for her at that point was that she had no concept who would want to do such a thing. There was no question in her mind of corporate rivalry, she had seen the head of the only real competition, XX flight at the funeral and she was clearly unable to contain her emotions. No matter how good an actor may be, there are still minute flashes of expression which give away the true feelings of the person if you know how to read them, and there was not even the faintest doubt in her mind that Janet Majors had been genuinely grieving the loss of Mary Yotori. Therefore she dismissed what would have been any investigators top choice of culprit out of hand.
It had to be someone else, someone who wanted to eliminate both of them from the scene if possible. The question before her was one that gave her strange dreams and not a few nightmares in the ensuing week as the crew prepared for the long burn to enter Earth orbit. She spent a great deal of her off duty time searching for answers, a task that was made much easier by the fact that there was only a small time delay built into her transmission times. The Heyerdahl was close enough to Earth that the delay only amounted to just over a second, not too bad if you had grown up in the days of slow, low bandwidth connections as she had.
Her searches yielded some tantalizing clues, but nothing that could be called a real lead. When the task of delivering the cargo to the orbital refinery was finished, there were two weeks worth of lag time before the next load would be ready. Crew rotations were worked out so that anyone who wanted shore leave got a week of free time. Sean and Charlie decided that they would put themselves on the second rotation, given that those crewmembers who found themselves stuck aboard ship for the first week would be just a little stressed by sitting aboard ship while knowing that their friends and crewmates were out having a good time. That actually worked out pretty well, because they both found themselves frustrated at having to remain aboard, whatever the reason, when all they had to do was go to the bridge and look out of the windows to see Earth floating like some glorious blue pearl below.
Charlie was more than a little frustrated by this because Gunnar was on the first rotation. He wanted to be back on ship for the second week to oversee final preparations for the journey and make certain everything was shipshape. She expressed her frustration in a variety of ways that were well received by the crew aboard ship, but the only one they would talk about among each other was her cooking. Some of it was haute cuisine but mostly it was down home cooking made possible by the deliveries of food that could only come from earth and were only worth eating when fresh.
Most of the crew were considerably less frustrated than Charlie was, seeing their week of time before liberty as just a continuation of the routine that shipboard life naturally fell into after a while. Her frustration turned into anger when Gunnar arrived back aboard ship a day early, almost visibly sad. He had spent the week trying to see his sons, even appealing through the courts, but to no avail.
That night, Leif slept alone. He didn’t mind, he knew where Sean was and he approved. He was deep asleep when he felt her wriggle into his bunk and simply wrapped his arm around her and went back to sleep. Sean, for her part, spent some while awake, pondering what all of this meant. She had left Gunnar’s cabin to give Charlie and he some time alone, sensing this was what both of them needed. She was a little torn in terms of what this meant.
The two had shared many late night pillow sessions talking about their own feelings and just what it meant for their relationship that they were both falling in love with someone else even though they did not love each other any less. They had decided together that they still loved each other most, no matter what, and that they would just have to deal with whatever came. That didn’t give much comfort, as they both felt torn to some degree. What neither of them knew was that Gunnar and his brother had talked about the same thing from the other side of the issue.
Because of the way the watch schedules ran, they had only had the opportunity for all of them to be together a few times, but they knew that pretty much any combination other than the brothers having sex with each other was not just acceptable to them but downright fun. They each knew where their own hearts drew them, but aside from the emotional aspect, sexually they were quite open.
The truth was that as much as they were two couples, they were also a foursome. The love Charlie felt for Leif was just as intense as her love for Sean and Gunnar, and the same was true for Sean in reverse. There was no real way for any of them to separate out the emotions they felt and it wasn’t necessary because the last thing any of them were worried about was jealousy. The concerns they had were simpler and yet simultaneously more complex than that. Perhaps the greatest problem was that none of them had really thought it out to that degree so there were worries in their minds.
Sean was worried about how Charlie felt when she slept with Gunnar. Gunnar was worried about the same thing. The same dynamic replayed itself throughout the confusion that was their relationship. The thing none of them quite realized was that there was no need for any of them to claim territory apart from the others. There was tension in the relationship, but it was the tension of people trying their best to make sure they were not hurting the other three by their actions, not the tension of jealousy.
Gunnar’s failed relationship with his ex wife was one of those points of tension. Gunnar unjustly blamed himself for the problems between them and felt very guilty about not having seen his sons for such a long time even though he knew full well it was not his fault. Unknown to him was the fact that the other three had been working on his behalf to at least win him visitation rights with his children, though their true aim was to win custody of the boys for him. Gunnar was unaware of their actions and would remain so until some sort of conclusion was reached in the courts. They had found a judge that was sympathetic to spacers and was prepared to allow the children to be released to the custody of their father due to the lack of responsibility their mother had evinced. That point of conflict was on the verge of being resolved, but there was still a shadow hanging over the four, something that only one of them could resolve, something that only one of them even knew in an explicit manner, even though Charlie knew deep within her soul what had come over Sean and what the eventual result would be.
Charlie had seen it twice before, the revenge-lust. No one in her current life knew what Sean was capable of, but Charlie knew, and she was afraid. The days of bone chilling fear that her love would be caught or not come back to her were foremost in her mind as she talked to Gunnar that night. “You know she will take revenge?”
Gunnar shifted his bulk, holding her even tighter in his arms. “What made you think I didn’t know? I mean, we’ve never talked about it, but I do know what she did to those bastards. I would have done the same in her position and I have nothing but praise for how she handled it. I personally would have been considerably more brutal, but then, I would most likely have been caught. She did what she needed to do and I’m proud of her for it.”
Charlie snuggled back into his warm embrace, considering what she wanted to say for a moment while enjoying the bulk of him wrapped around her. “So will you help me help her this time? The times before, she did what she did on her own. I couldn’t have helped her, hell I was still busy rejecting the idea of her being a female. I was so selfish then, about that. I didn’t even understand what she was going through, not really.” She twisted around to face him in their embrace. “I didn’t realize that those monsters had taken her entire sexuality away, that part of it that I hadn’t killed by denying her the ability to even pretend to be herself. Hell, I used to bitch when she’d dress up in women’s clothes, so bad she stopped doing it. She was left with nothing but emotions and even those were so twisted by her need for vengeance that there was only a little room left for anything else. I loved her as best I could, but I know it wasn’t enough, hell I was still so busy rejecting the idea of her being a woman that I couldn’t see what was really eating her up. I really hate myself for being so cruel to her for so many years, but I had no idea what I was doing to her.” She wiped tears from her eyes and softly murmured into Gunnar’s chest “I hope she can forgive me someday for that.”
Gunnar had no idea what to say to that, so he pretended to be asleep.
“Hiya little sis!” Sean’s sister welcomed her onto the spacious front verandah of their Florida home. The two hugged tightly for a moment before she turned her attention to the four who had accompanied her little sister. “I’m guessing you’re Leif? My little sister always did have a weakness for the Hulk types, you know. Charlie, I’m so glad to see you again, and this quiet pair here must be Simon and Vasily. Don’t just stand there in the sun like fools, come on in and have a drink in the shade!” She led the way into the cool shadowed recesses of the immaculate home, the others trailing in her wake. “I’m sure you lot want to have a nice swim and you know we are completely private here, so yawl just strip off and hit the pool whenever you feel like it, no suits required. I’ll give you time to get dressed if the kids show up.”
The five needed no encouragement and were soon noisily splashing and playing in the water. They climbed out and dragged themselves onto lounge chairs at the enticement of drinks and snacks. Sean could tell her sister was trying her best to be open minded about their casual attitude towards nudity and failing somewhere along the way. She had also noticed her sister’s stealthy glances toward Leif when she thought no one was looking.
“So sis, you think he measures up?” Sean had cornered her sister on the other side of the pool from where the rest were basking in the sun.
“Measures up? Are you kidding? He’s bigger than that dwarf guy in high school! You know I still have trouble believing you had him before I did.” They laughed together quietly for a moment before the conversation turned to more serious matters. “So how are things for you really? You’ve told me all about Leif and Gunnar, but how is that affecting you and Charlie?”
Sean sat heavily on one of the lounges. “Sis, I think its okay, I really do. We still love each other just as much, but there is more than that. I love Leif and Gunnar both and I’m sure Charlie feels the same way. I think they are going to propose to us soon and if they do, I’m going to insist on holding the ceremony with you as our maid of honor. Will you do it? It would mean so much to me.” She began to cry softly.
Sarah held her little sister, uncertain how to respond. “Of course I will, you know that already. All you have to do is tell me when and where, and I’ll be there. I know you though, and I’m sure those tears aren’t for that. What’s bothering you, little sis? You know you can tell me.”
Sean twisted out of the embrace, standing abruptly. “No sis, I can’t tell you!” She angrily dashed tears from her eyes. “It wouldn’t be fair to you.” She ran a few steps and dove into the water cleanly, coming to the surface to gulp air and swim further away under the water. Sarah looked after her, confused and worried.
“Two people can keep a secret if one of them is dead.” Her father’s voice echoed down the long years and she silently thanked him for that stupid little piece of wisdom while she cursed herself. It was true that she hated him and the things he had put both her and her sister through but it was equally true that she felt grateful to him, grateful that he had taught her the things she needed to know in on order to exact vengeance upon those who had wronged both her and her sister so horribly.
Chapter 14
The pool water washed the tears from her eyes as Sean dove under the water. She wished so much that she could tell her sister what she was going to do, what she had done in the past when she was still Sarah’s brother, but it just wasn’t fair to put that burden on her. She hadn’t even shared the truth with Charlie after these many years. Beneath all of that altruism there was a deep and very real fear of betrayal instilled in her much earlier in her life. As she rose to the surface and gulped air, she was glad the water hid the fact that tears were streaming from her eyes. The peace of submersion brought her back to her own thoughts and helped her to think.
“Two people can keep a secret if one of them is dead.” Her father’s voice echoed down the long years and she silently thanked him for that stupid little piece of wisdom while she cursed herself. It was true that she hated him and the things he had put both her and her sister through but it was equally true that she felt grateful to him, grateful that he had taught her the things she needed to know in on order to exact vengeance upon those who had wronged both her and her sister so horribly.
The first time, she remembered, was when she had discovered that the man who had raped her sister and her own best friend(his own daughter!) in childhood lived in the same town that they had moved to only a year or so before. She had made herself wait almost a full year, plotting vengeance, trying to come up with something suitably awful to inflict upon him. She wanted to castrate him, cut his dick off and make him plead for his life as he bled out, but when the time came and her plans came to fruition, thee had been time for nothing but a quick thrust of her knife up into his ribcage, piercing his heart. She cut his throat for good measure, one quick slice while he gasped out his last breath before she managed to shove his already lifeless body off of the remnants of the wrecked bridge into the water for the tide to carry out to sea. One less raping bastard to pollute the world.
There had only been two occasions when she had killed for vengeance since then, so she couldn’t exactly call herself a crusader or anything. If anything, she felt almost as dirty as the men who had done the things for which she had administered the ultimate punishment. True, she had killed, and she knew that she was supposed to feel remorse for that, but she didn’t. Instead, there was a sort of joy and that perhaps more than anything else tore her up inside.
They say vengeance makes the heart grow cold, but it hadn’t done so for her and that made her wonder if she was any better than the stone killer her father had been. The truth was she still gloried in her kills. The feeling of almost sexual excitement as her sister’s rapist voided the contents of his arteries on her when he died had not diminished. The bright coppery taste of his blood in her mouth as she licked it from her hands before diving into the murky brackish water to clean herself still stuck in her memories as one of the most glorious moments in her young life and it made her wonder if there was something truly wrong with her. Was she a murderer like her father? She couldn’t honestly say she felt any remorse for her actions, quite the opposite in fact.
These thoughts occupied her mind as she swam beneath the surface of the water. The concrete of the far edge confronted her and with a smooth movement, she flipped and headed back for the other side of the pool, still underwater. She was barely aware of her body as she swam back and forth across the pool, never surfacing for breath. It didn’t seem to matter to her that she needed to breathe until she felt strong arms lift her out of the welcoming embrace of the meditative state into which she had placed herself.
“Please baby breathe! Please you gotta breathe!” Her pulse thundered slowly in her own ears as waves of sound seemed to crash in upon her peaceful state and she slowly became aware of something other than her own memories and worries. It was Charlie, pleading with her, but it didn’t seem to make sense.
“Little sis, if you don’t breathe I’m going to have Leif jump up and down on your chest!” Something about that penetrated and she gasped in a long slow breath. Another followed and she felt herself begin to return to the world she had wanted so desperately to leave behind for the kind of peace that she had felt beneath the surface. There was a circle of concerned faces around her as she looked up into the gathering darkness of a cerulean sky.
“I’m okay; just leave me alone for a minute. Please just leave me alone!” She could feel the heat of the tears trickling down her face as she lay there, blurring the faces of the people she loved. “Please just go away; you can’t love someone like me. I’m a horrible person! I’m a monster and I don’t deserve love!” The heat of her tears seemed to burn her cheeks as she felt herself gathered up into strong and caring arms carrying her she knew not where. It didn’t really matter at that moment where she was being borne, but she knew it was somewhere better than she deserved.
She lay there well into the evening, almost unaware of the fact that gentle hands were wiping the unending tears from her face and gentle arms were holding her tightly as she sobbed out her grief. She was grieving for the loss of her own innocence and didn’t even know it, but the trio surrounding her did. They took turns stroking her and holding her and wiping her tears until finally she subsided into a fretful sleep.
After Leif had carried Sean to a bed and gently covered her up while Charlie kissed her goodnight, the three of them convened in the living room. Simon and Vasily were chatting in the kitchen with Eric who was trying to enjoy a moment after work with his dinner. Finding himself unable to concentrate on the meal, Eric finally decided to get to the point. “Do either of you have any idea what is going on? I get home from doing my show and I’m confronted with some kind of major drama and I have no concept what it’s about!”
Simon paused for a moment before replying. “Err, I have an idea, but the person you really need to be asking about this isn’t in any condition to answer your questions and your wife won’t tell us anything, so I think I should probably kind of follow her lead if you know what I mean.” He leaned forward and gestured earnestly at Eric with his drink, just barely managing to remain in his chair as he did. “You just gotta deal, man. There’s a lot of history going on there and I think some of it just came home to Aack!” A none too steady Vasily tried to catch him as his precarious hold on the chair failed and they both tumbled to the floor.
Eric’s curiosity was put on hold for a moment as he helped the two navigate to their room. “Talk about the blind leading the blind drunk!” He was still muttering to himself as he made his way into the living room. “Alright, what happened?”
Sarah had to think for a moment before she replied. “Well, Sean had a little emotional crisis and went into one of her meditative trances, only this time we couldn’t just wait for her to come out of it on her own because she was in the pool and wouldn’t come up for air. She just kept swimming back and forth from one end to the other for almost 5 minutes. Leif dragged her out of the water and she still wouldn’t breathe, but after she had a good cry she went off to sleep.” She paused to consider what exactly to say to her husband for a moment. “I’m pretty sure it was a guilt attack over what she did to those men a few years ago, but there’s something more she won’t tell me and these two aren’t exactly much help. The only thing I know for sure is that whatever it is; she hasn’t even shared it with Charlie.”
All Eric could really do was nod sagely while the thoughts raced through his mind. He knew a few things about his sister in law that he hadn’t even shared with his wife and was certain this had something to do with that. He was equally certain that Sean’s emotional crisis meant very bad things for someone and he knew he had to keep that to himself as well. It wasn’t like he could tell his wife that he knew her little sister had killed more than once and was highly likely to do so again. He was fairly certain she knew, but they had never talked about it and right now just didn’t seem like a good time to do that.
“Well, alright then, as long as it’s handled. I think I’ll have a shower and go to bed.” He kissed his wife before making his way out of the room.
The next day, Sean seemed to be recovered and they spent the day at Bok Tower Gardens, having a nice picnic in the botanical gardens and listening to recitals from the 60 bell carillon. They admired the massively built stone tower with its intricate tile mosaics and wanted to go through the massive brass door to find out what the inside looked like, but the century old tower had been closed to visitors since it’s completion. As a result they just wandered around the gardens for a while until the summer heat got to be too much before making the short trek back to the house.
Sean seemed to spend most of this time in her own little world, responding to the beauty of the place but not really interacting with the others. By the time they reached the house and stowed their bicycles in the garage Charlie was finding it just a little difficult to keep a lid on her frustration and left the others to their own devices while she made a beeline for the pool, stripping off sweat sodden clothing as she went. Tepid though the water was, it was still a shock when she dove from almost 100 degree heat into 80 degree water, so she wasn’t paying attention to the fact that there was another splash just after her own entry.
She gave little start as arms encircled her from behind and a familiar warm contralto murmered into her ear. “I’m sorry I was out of it today. Forgive me?” She squirmed as Sean nibbled on her ear and squealed as she felt fingers caressing her nether regions.
“Quit that, we’re at your sister’s house! Now let’s just enjoy cooling off for a minute and we’ll go figure out what’s for dinner.” She reluctantly disengaged from the amorous embrace and turned to face Sean. “Hey, what say we find the best restaurant around and treat her and Eric to it? That only seems fair.”
“Whatever you say, baby. We have to bring Simon and Vasily along too, though. You know tomorrow is Simon’s interview and I think we should celebrate both tonight and tomorrow night. Poor Vasily is going to be very lonely for a while and I think we should do our best to make it as easy as possible for him. You know, those two remind me a lot of you and I way back when.” She reached under the water and tweaked a nipple, bringing a stifled gasp from Charlie. “I just hope they can be happy after she changes. They’ve had a while to get used to each other as they are now and I hope Vasily can handle the new her and her new job. When you think about it, we had lots of advantages most new caregivers don’t. I feel kind of parental toward her, and even a little toward him. I wonder if it’s like that with a real child?”
Sarah spoke up from just behind them. “Well, I guess so, but its been a long time since I had a child getting ready to have a sexual awakening or a first experience. I can tell you that you always want to make sure your kids are happy, as much as you can anyway. I mean, you guys are way more involved in the whole thing than I was when my kids went through that, but trust me, you never stop worrying about their happiness.” She paused for a moment, mustering up her courage to say what she was thinking. “Little sis, are you thinking about having kids?”
She knew from the bright shade of scarlet both of them turned that she had guessed right. “You are, aren’t you?”
It took Sean a moment to recover from her embarrassment and reply. “Well, I guess so, yeah. It wouldn’t be for a while yet, we have to figure out how we’d deal with kids on board the ship and we haven’t talked to Leif or Gunnar about it at all, but you know we’ve always kinda raised other people’s kids. It’s nice to think that one day we might have some rug rats of our own. It’s just that the idea of raising them in space is kinda cool and really scary at the same time, you know?”
“Trust me sis, it’s no less scary when there’s a whole planet for them to get in trouble on.” She pulled them both into a hug and kissed them. “You just have to promise me that you’ll let them spend some time with me dirtside when they’re old enough, ok?”
“Sis, if and when it happens, you got a promise. Of course you realize that any kids from either of us are going to be pure hell for the parents, right?”
“Oh shit, a little you! What have I let myself in for?” Sarah fell back into the water with her forehead over her brow in a melodramatic pose. Just as she rose from beneath the water, Leif landed just beside them in a classic cannonball, creating a huge wave which swamped the group, followed by Simon on the other side. By the time they were all exhausted from their play and ready to exit the pool, Eric was calling from the end of the lanai.
“Ok, how do you batch of miscreants want your steaks done?”
The five spacers responded with glee and a variety of orders, only to be met with laughter from Sarah. “Please, you lot think I’d turn him loose with a grill? Come on, get out and go get showered, we’re going to the best restaurant in Florida!” Eric tried terribly hard to act as though he was offended but it just didn’t go over all that well and they all trooped off to get ready for a memorable outing.
“I know what you’re thinking of doing!” She hissed the words into Sean’s ear. “I just want you to know that every single one of us backs you. Just make sure you hit the right target!” Sean broke their embrace and looked into Anne’s eyes, searching for something, some sense of the other woman that would tell her how to respond. In the end, there was only one thing she could say.
Dinner the night before had been a happy and raucous occasion, but now Simon was more than just a little nervous. For him, this was the big day, the day that would decide how the rest of his life would proceed and indeed who he would be. Would the company accept him as a candidate or would they reject him and leave him to his own devices? Vasily’s arm around him was a steadying influence as they walked through the door into the lobby of the Care Givers facility in Orlando.
“Hi Anne!” Sean called out to the woman behind the desk. She looked up and instantly recognized who was greeting her, projecting herself out of her seat and hugging the tall auburn haired woman before gathering her diminutive blonde companion into their embrace.
“Well if it isn’t my favorite gunslinger! How are you and Charlie getting along? Having fun on your little vacation?” She disengaged from the hug and held them both at arms length. A little frown crossed her face as she examined them. Her voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper. “Still not dealing too well, huh? You and me are gonna have a little talk in a while, but first introduce me to your companions.”
“Anne, let me introduce you to Simon and Vasily. I’m sure you’ve seen the paperwork for Simon already and I think it might be best to just get things underway as quickly as possible.” Anne shook Vasily’s hand, then shook Simon’s hand but did not let go.
“Vasily, we’ll be back in a few hours. Simon here has some testing to do and you can’t be on hand for it, so you lot go enjoy yourselves until 5 o’clock or so, ok?” With that she led Simon off to a door and handed him over to begin his testing. Simon glanced back and caught Vasily’s eye as the door closed behind him, his face torn between anticipation and fear.
The foursome spent the day at Busch Gardens, enjoying the rides and other attractions. They had all gotten magnificently stoned beforehand, but that didn’t stop Lief from getting violently motion sick on the third ride, so Sean and Vasily spent the rest of the day on one ride or another while Charlie and Lief sampled the other attractions, including the beer(once their stomachs had settled down).
Sean and Vasily disappeared into well-hidden smoker’s areas more than once and generally came out giggling madly before heading off to the next adventure. It was the best distraction they could dream up for Vasily and mostly, it worked. That wasn’t to say that he didn’t spend the entire day thinking of Simon and what was going on with him, but it did help to dull the anxiety that was gnawing at his gut.
At one point, while they were smoking yet another joint, Vasily got very serious and turned to Sean with concern. “Sean, what if they don’t accept her? I have no problem with her as she is or if she becomes a whole woman or if she does it the other way, I just love her and want her to be happy. I’m just worried sick over the whole thing. I mean, if they don’t accept her, it’ll break her heart. How do I deal with that?” He looked to be on the verge of tears.
Sean gathered him into a hug and patted his back as she thought. “Vasily, you are a wonderful man and Simon is lucky to have you. You just go on loving her the way you do and it’ll be ok. I know you’re worried but you have to be her rock right now. She needs you and I know you need her.” She pushed him back and held him at arms length, looking into his eyes. “She’s a very strong candidate, much more so than I was. I can’t see them not taking her. So relax and have fun today so you can be happy for her tonight, huh?” She relit the joint and inhaled deeply before passing it to him.
He took a hit, considering her words. “Yeah, ok. I’ll try.” A few moments later they were on the bumpercars with Charlie and Leif, who looked like he’d had to wedge himself into the vehicle. A few minutes of gleefully ramming each other seemed to improve Vasily’s mood considerably. The remainder of the day was spent in enthusiastic and noisy enjoyment of the rides.
They arrived back at CGI just a bit after 5 o’clock to find that Simon wasn’t quite ready. Sean went off into a corner to talk with Anne while the other three spent some time communing with the couches. Anne got Sean into a private area and instantly dropped all pretense of being joyful or even happy.
“I know what you’re thinking of doing!” She hissed the words into Sean’s ear. “I just want you to know that every single one of us backs you. Just make sure you hit the right target!” Sean broke their embrace and looked into Anne’s eyes, searching for something, some sense of the other woman that would tell her how to respond. In the end, there was only one thing she could say.
“I will. I don’t know who it is yet, but when I do, they will no longer draw breath. I swear this on my life. Those bastards killed Yotori-sama, that’s true, but they killed an entire family of five in the bargain. Mama Yotori was taking them to get their daughter’s cleft palate fixed. I would not take vengeance solely on her behalf, but the death of that family pushes it over the edge.” She looked into the other woman’s eyes. “Anne, I can’t tell you what I’m going to do or when I’ll do it, but you will have to accept that Yotori-sama will be avenged. I know the company has fixers and I want you to get word to the director to call them off. I’ll take care of this by myself. This is my mission for now, and I want to do this by myself! Do you understand? This my kill!”
Anne just looked at her, stunned by the ferocity of the other woman’s words. She was at a loss for any kind of response. She was unnerved by the sheer fury in the other woman’s face. “Look, I don’t know exactly what to say to that. I’d try telling you to back away and give it a little time, but I know enough of your history to know that advice would be counterproductive. The only thing I can really say right now is please give it just a little time, time for Simon to adjust and be the woman she should have been from the start. I doubt we’ll know who did this for a while yet.”
Sean surprised her by drawing her into an intense embrace.
“Um, can you please put me down? I can’t breathe!” As if to prove her point, the shorter woman took a deep gasping breath as her face was removed from the cleavage of the taller auburn haired woman. Her reprieve didn’t last long.
This time, it was a more energetic version of suffocation as the taller woman hugged her tightly again and bounced up and down in excitement. “You mean Simon’s been approved! Oh, I just couldn’t ask for better news right now! Um,” her expression suddenly sobered as she held the other woman at arm’s length and looked down into her face. “Will you let me tell Vasily so he can tell her instead of hearing it from some tech?”
“Well, I’m afraid it’s a little late for that, we began the protocols almost 2 hours ago.” She took advantage of the moments respite from bruising hugs to finish delivering her news. “We felt that since she had been waiting so long, the usual week waiting period wasn’t justified, and besides, she has a boyfriend to lose her brand new virginity to before he leaves on his next cruise. Given the circumstances, we thought going ahead with the treatment was more than justified and she almost begged us for it anyway.”
She looked up again at the woman who held her by both her forearms. “Could you please let me go? You’re starting to bruise my arms.”
The taller woman blushed and relaxed her grip, letting her arms fall to her sides. “So it’ll be about 24 hours before Vasily gets to see her, right? Oh, jeeze,” Her brow furrowed in thought. “Um, will they be able to, you know, screw?”
“Yeah, they should have no problem that way. You will remember from your own transformation though, that she will not have developed breasts or much in the way of curves yet, right?”
“I‘m pretty sure neither of them will care. Vasily has loved her in her current body, I can’t see that changing in her new one. Hell, he loves her enough to accept that he will share her with other men as a caregiver, I can’t imagine that something that insignificant would make the slightest bit of difference between them.” A sudden thought caused her brows to furrow and she regarded Anne with a quizzical expression. “She never would tell me what her name was going to be. Can you tell me?”
“I wish I could,” she returned the serious regard “but she asked us not to. It’s to be a surprise for Vasily. Don’t worry, you’ll learn it when he does and I guarantee you will need a box or two of tissues just for the two of them. It is incredibly romantic and sweet and just about as loving as it is possible to get.” She straightened her outfit with a determined yank. “Besides, I couldn’t tell you if I wanted to, cause I don’t bloody know!”
_____________________________________________________________________
When she gave Vasily the news, he took it in typical stoic Russian fashion, with lots of vodka. Not surprisingly, he complained when he was presented with Trout Caviar a bit later in the evening, but when told what true Beluga would cost, he simmered down and enjoyed what he was given.
By the time early evening rolled around, he was quite happily drunk and beaming at his hosts. “Do you not realize what this means!” He was practically shouting and dancing around the pool. “It means my love will finally be happy! It means” at this point he suddenly realized what he was about to say and the redness of his face pretty much told the story. He forged ahead anyway, knowing whose company he shared. “It means she can make love to me without her thinking she is some kind of freak. I never thought such a thing, and I swore to her I would love her no matter what her body looked like, but she was raised in one of your crazy American religions. She felt guilt every time we made love, because she did not think she was a true woman. It is not something I understand. I have never known anyone who is more of a woman than her. I do know enough to be glad there is a way for her to get out from under that guilt. I don’t even mind that I have to share her with other men, I am just glad to see her happy! You uncivilized khuligans can feed me fake caviar all you want if this is what I get in return!”
His statement was greeted with a lifting of glasses all around as the evening proceeded into another round of serious drinking and smoking. It was much later that evening as they snuggled together on a settee that Sean turned her face to Charlie and asked “Do you think we did the right thing?”
“Well,” Charlie replied “I guess that depends on what you think the right thing is.” Her pretty face was confused with trying to create worry lines where there were none. “I think we didn’t do very much at all. They both made their choices, a lot like we did. If you want to know if I think they’ll be happy, I’d have to say yes. They seem to love each other very much.”
Charlie turned her thoughts to other things as Sean snuggled more tightly into her embrace and drifted off to sleep, her soft snoring causing a slight tickling sensation in Charlie’s breast.
Vasily was plainly nervous, fidgeting in the back seat as they approached the glass and steel edifice that was CareGiver’s Orlando facility. The heat as they stepped out into the sun was an oppressive blast in the face even though it was still early in the day and He found himself adding to his nervous perspiration with genuine sweat as the foursome entered the building and strolled across the lobby to find Anne at her usual post.
Simon awoke slowly; her vision slowly focusing on ceiling tiles, the beeping of medical monitors an irritating background. It took a moment to register where she was and why. She could tell there was an IV in both arms and knew she was strapped down for her own safety but the inability to move her arms still brought a little wave of panic. A kind face moved into her field of vision.
“Are you awake, hon? Yep, I can see you are. Now don’t try to talk for a few minutes, I’ll get you unstrapped and get you something to drink, ok?” The face withdrew from her vision and she could feel her arms and legs being freed, then the headstrap came off and she could turn her head to watch as the bed was raised to a semi-sitting position. She still felt much too weak to raise her head and really look down at herself, so she lay patiently and allowed the woman to hold a cup to her lips, swallowing at the orange juice first tentatively, then greedily as she realized she was ravenously hungry.
The rush of sheer sensation at the feel of the fluid going down her throat made her cheeks heat as she recalled the intense pleasure of the first stages of her transformation. As soon as she had finished the cup of liquid she cleared her throat and asked, “How long have I been out?” The sound of her own voice surprised her, a clear although still somewhat ragged soprano.
The woman busied herself removing the IV’s from her arms as she replied. “About 36 hours. Things went very well and after a quick exam, we’ll let you get a shower. I’m told Vasily should be here in about an hour and I’m sure you want to have a chance to doll up a little, but first, you have to eat a little something, so you just lie there for a few more minutes, ok?”
Eating a little something turned out to mean wolfing down 2 full plates of deliciously greasy hash browns, eggs and sausages, barely even noticing as she was poked and prodded. After that, she felt strong enough to stand, although the hunger had not yet lost its edge. The staff had been through this many times by now, so they knew that one of the first things she would want to do was see herself. They were not disappointed. The look on her face as she realized that the woman in the hospital gown was her was a wonder to behold, something they never got tired of seeing.
“Oh my!” She breathed to herself as she touched her face. “I’m beautiful!” Indeed she was, a very slender almost white blonde of medium height, about 5’6”, full lips and strikingly huge deep blue eyes set in a face that could have been a model for Nordic beauty. Her shoulder length hair had grown and now hung straight to the small of her back, even though she could tell it desperately needed a wash. She took another moment to study her reflection in wonder before she turned and said “Ok, somebody mentioned a shower? I can smell myself and I don’t smell at all good. Oh, and would it be possible to get a quick trim after?”
Things moved rather quickly after that and soon she was out of the shower, smelling like strawberries and settling into a chair to get her hair trimmed up and a few other things. The trim was just that, a trim, as she didn’t want to lose any length, but she decided to just get her brows shaped and forego any makeup for now. She wanted Vasily to see her for the first time without any artifice.
Vasily was plainly nervous, fidgeting in the back seat as they approached the glass and steel edifice that was CareGiver’s Orlando facility. The heat as they stepped out into the sun was an oppressive blast in the face even though it was still early in the day and He found himself adding to his nervous perspiration with genuine sweat as the foursome entered the building and strolled across the lobby to find Anne at her usual post.
Sean strolled up to her desk and stood for a moment while Anne finished up a conversation she was having on the phone. They made light conversation for a few moments until it was time for Simon to make an appearance. Vasily was obviously beyond nervous, his hands grasping at each other like some kind of deranged octopus.
The door that Simon had disappeared through almost two days before opened and out strolled a very slender, absolutely flat chested woman, dressed neatly in a pair of airy summer shorts and T-shirt, her long almost white blonde hair falling loosely to frame a stunningly beautiful face and deep blue eyes that looked almost too large for her face. The door swung slowly shut behind her as the group studied her face and she stared straight into Vasily’s eyes, searching for some sign of recognition. Vasily had stopped moving and it took a moment for him to remember to breathe. When he finally did take a breath, it was to say just one word. “Simon?”
She spoke in a clear bell-like soprano. “No Vasily, not Simon anymore. I’ve taken another name now. I am Tania Chernova. I thought it was fitting.”
Whatever response she had hoped for or expected, he managed to surprise everyone by fainting dead away on the spot. Suddenly she was running toward him and the entire group gathered around him, shoving a pillow from one of the couches under his head and fanning him until he began to come around.
“What happened? Why am I on the floor?”
“Well, I think our dear little Tania shocked you enough to where you just fainted on us. I think I know why, but if you feel up to it, lets get you off the floor and you can tell everyone, because frankly I think I’m the only one here other than you two who knows the story.” Sean helped him up and over to a couch where he sat and sipped at the cup of water Anne had supplied. Tania sat beside him, leaning into his arm and studying his face.
He took a moment to regain his composure and began to speak. “Well, first of all I have to say her appearance was a massive shock, in a good way. I never imagined she would turn out so beautiful,” He hugged her to his side “but the name was the kicker. First of all, you may or may not know that I am named for my great grandfather, Vassili Zaitsev.”
With the exception of Sean and Tania, the others exchanged looks of mutual incomprehension. Charlie spoke first. “Well, I never knew your last name but is your great grandfather someone I should have known about?”
“Not unless you are a student of military history, no. Look, this is a story best told over drinks and food, and I can hear Tania’s stomach rumbling, so lets wait on the rest of it for a bit, huh?”
He heaved himself up from the couch and they left a plainly disgruntled Anne in their wake as the made for the exit. Sean took a moment to say goodbye to Anne and tell her to look it up before joining the exodus. None of them saw the look on her face as she found the story online, dabbing at her eyes as she read.
The ride back to Sarah’s house started off with a stop at a burger joint, where Tania got three large meals and demolished them before they were even halfway. Sean and Charlie clearly remembered what they had been like immediately after their own transformations so they weren’t surprised, but Vasily and Sarah were looking at her eat with something akin to awe in their eyes, wondering where she put it all. He managed to steal a fry but desisted in any further efforts along that line as she growled at him, a sound he found irresistibly sexy even while it was somewhat intimidating.
Sean phoned in a truly massive pizza order when they were about 10 minutes from the house and they made a quick stop to pick up more liquor, Vasily’s celebration having consumed most of their stocks. As they pulled in, the pizza delivery arrived and it took a few moments to sort things out and get everyone settled around the pool. Eating occupied another few minutes, by which time Eric had joined the group and they all settled back with their choice of drinks in hand while Tania continued to wolf down pizza.
Vasily took a deep sip of his drink and started again. “Ok, now I’ll explain. Like I said, I’m named after my great grandfather, Vassili Zaitsev. Back in the twentieth century, in World War Two, Russia was a very different place, and Hitler was determined to conquer what was then called the Soviet Union. One of the greatest battles in history was fought at a city called Stalingrad. Historians estimate 2 million people died there. Anyway, my great grandfather was a sniper in that battle. Military historians say he was the greatest sniper in recorded history, with over 400 confirmed kills to his credit.”
“During that time, there was another sniper, a woman who he met when he taught her the craft. She was incredibly brave and had a great hatred for the Germans, something they shared. She was very beautiful and they fell in love in the middle of all that death and destruction. One day, she was severely wounded on a mission to kill the German commander when the woman in front of her stepped on a land mine. He carried her back to a field hospital and left to go on another mission. They never saw each other again. He thought she had died and she thought he never wanted to see her again. He always spoke of her as the great love of his life, and even though he married and had children after the war, he never lost his love for her. Her injuries made her unable to bear children and she died alone.”
By the time he finished Tania was sitting in his lap with her arms around him and tears were running down both their faces. He pulled her back a little to look in her face, brushing the tears from her cheeks. “Tania, I love that you took her name, but I want better than that for us. I don’t care that I have to share you with others, I know you and I know you have more than enough love to go around. Will you marry me, let me make you Mrs. Tania Chernova-Zaitsev?”
She sniffled and burst out in a fresh bout of tears. “Yes.”
They drew into a deep kiss, oblivious to the others, tasting each others tears and happiness. As they broke the kiss reluctantly and sat there staring into each others eyes the expression on both faces was one of undiluted happiness.
Tania and Vasily awoke, bonded together in the misery of their mutual hangover “We didn’t do it last night, did we?”
He squeezed her tighter in his arms and just felt miserable. “No. I’m sorry, but I wasn’t up to it and I was scared of you a little bit. You were so determined to kinda rape me and I wanted our first time with you like this to be special. The end result was that I was aroused but couldn’t get it hard. I want you so badly, but I want you to want me the same way and I know the process jacks your sex drive through the roof so I wasn’t sure what to do and I just decided to hold you because I knew for sure that was the one thing the both of us genuinely wanted.”
He held her by the arms and looked earnestly into her face. “I know you had to be a woman for yourself, but I want you to have what is good for you, not what you think somebody else wants. I wanted you to be free to choose what you wanted and not feel burdened by some act you committed while you were sort of out of your mind. More than that, if we do make love at some point, I want it to be because it’s the only thing either of us want to do. I don’t want you if you don’t truly want me and I’m pretty sure you feel the same way. Tania, if you don’t want me, I will do everything I can to be a friend to you, but the truth is that I want to be your lover and your husband and anything else will leave me a useless shell of a human being. I’ve just got to ask you again, will you marry me? I know I’m not much to look at but I will do everything I possibly can to keep you happy.”
She looked into his eyes, reading his soul in his gaze. “Vasily, I am in love with you and I always will be. I have loved you since before you even knew I existed, hell, since before I knew who I was. I took the name I did to prove my love to you. I wanted it to be just the way it was, like a movie, and it was!” She sobered for a moment and kissed him on the tip of his nose, playfully. “I’m really sorry we didn’t have sex last night, you know!” She was nipping at his earlobes and kissing along his jawline. “You know, we could make up for that lack right now, if you want!”
He was squirming under her attentions, feeling himself harden in response to her ministrations. “Baby, are you sure you’re not just horny because of the process? I’d hate to take advantage of you!”
She looked down at him, rubbing her crotch against his leg. “Look,” she said “I don’t know if its an after effect of the process or what, but I have to tell you I want you just as badly as I did the first time and if you don’t give me what I want, I’m going to be awfully frustrated!”
It was only a moment later until he gave in and the couple spent the next 2 hours blissfully lost in each other. They did indeed have sex for the first time and they were both ecstatic to find that she did not have to deal with losing her virginity in the classical sense of breaching the hymen.
“Do you really mean you want to marry me?” Vasily looked up into her eyes as she finished gasping to her latest orgasm. “I’m serious, do you? Do you want to settle down with the only man you have ever known? I know I’m not the best sexual athlete or maybe even the best anything but I do love you. I loved you before you became a woman and I love you as you are now. I’m sure I will love you whoever or whatever you become. I just want to know that you feel the same way about me. I don’t want to be the mercy fuck, you know?”
“Vasily, I thought the name I took would have answered that question for you.” She was grasping his softening member within her, squeezing rhythmically. “I want you, I have wanted you since I saw you and even more since I discovered what a nice guy you are. I love you for the way you treated me back when you discovered who I was and I love you even more now that I can be who you always wanted me to be. You wanted a mother for your children and I wanted to be that mother. The cool thing is that we both get our wish. The last thing you are is a mercy fuck. You are the kind and decent man I’ve always wanted and now I have you. I’m not gonna let you go if I don’t have to.”
He gathered her into his arms and buried his nose in the cascade of hair over her shoulders. “Okay” He inhaled deeply, smelling the mingled sweat and strawberry of her hair. “I want you forever, you know that, right?”
She hummed into his shoulder and lay beside him, her breathing falling into the slow deep patterns of sleep. He gazed on her sleeping face, amazed at her beauty and grateful that she still wanted to love him. Sometime later, he fell asleep and his dreams alternated between joy of being with her and terror that she would be taken from him somehow. He didn’t know it, but her dreams were much the same.
“Well”, Sarah said as she sipped at her coffee “I think that all things considered, that went just about as well as we could have hoped.” She stared into the dark aromatic brew, contemplating the reflection of the ceiling in her cup. “I might be little hard of hearing, but I’m pretty sure the noises I heard this morning weren’t coming from you two.”
Sean blushed and looked at her sister under lowered lashes. “Er, what time would that have been? Would that be before or after we heard you and Eric going at it?” She slurped noisily at her coffee. “Cause if it was before, that was us. The one after that was them and they kept at it for like 2 hours!”
It was Sarah’s turn to look down into her coffee and blush. “Uh, well I really don’t know how long they were at it because listening to them got us all hot and bothered and then we fell asleep, like after, you know?”
The blushing was pretty much making the rounds of the table at that point, as Charlie, Leif and Eric were both practically glowing red. “Uh, well, I gotta admit it pretty much did the same for us, but I woke up when I heard them just talking. I couldn’t hear what they said, but I’m pretty sure whatever it was made them both happy. You know, as long as they are happy, I’m happy for them”
As if on cue, Vasily and Tonia appeared. It was obvious how much they were each attached to the other as soon as they tried to separate at the foot of the stairs. She almost tripped over his foot because they had been unconsciously interlacing their footsteps, an old habit of spacers. To an observer, they looked somewhat like a four-legged creature that had forgotten how to walk. They each caught the other in their arms and the kiss that followed between them was enough to melt the surface of the moon.
That prompted a round of soulful eye-gazing among the others and sighs of contentment as hands were grasped the tableau was only broken by the soprano chirp that came next.
“So what’s for breakfast?”
Sean snapped her phone closed and gestured to Vasily who was watching Tania swim laps in the pool, her newly sinuous body undulating through the water. “Hey, don’t tell Tania right now, but our cargo just got delayed by 2 weeks. Gunnar can officially marry you if we go up to the ship later today, then you two can have a honeymoon. Go anywhere you want, do anything you want. You’ve got 2 weeks to enjoy each other before you have to go back to space and she has another 2 weeks to learn to enjoy being herself before she has to report for training.” She leaned over to whisper in his ear. “You better make her happy, or you’ll have me and Charlie to answer to.”
She stood and deliberately walked away, her body revealing her tension, her internal conflict. She didn’t realize it, but her feelings were the same as those her own sister had felt toward her before her transition and just after, the fierce protectiveness of the older sister for the younger. She practically stalked toward the edge of the pool before she tensed and leapt into a perfectly pointed dive, making barely a splash as she entered the water.
For his part, Vasily was bewildered. He’d just been given something pretty close to the best news he could have had and yet he was almost ready to break out in a cold sweat as his self-doubt overtook him. He couldn’t help but wonder, deep in his heart where his fears dwelt, whether he was truly good enough for her, if he could in fact be the man she wanted him to be. He wasn’t even sure he could be the man he wanted himself to be. Suddenly his most cherished dream was coming true and he wasn’t sure he was good enough to live up to what was expected of him.
He did the only thing he could think of to do, something men have done since time immemorial. He heaved himself up from the lounge chair he had been relaxing in and went directly to Sarah. “Um, I hate to ask, but I need a ride and some local knowledge.”
She looked up at him enquiringly. “Well, I guess it depends on what you need to know on the local knowledge part, but I can surely help you out with the ride. So tell me what you want to go get!” She cocked an eyebrow at him as she slurped at her double chocolate shake.
He leaned closer to her and almost whispered. “I need to get a couple of rings. I don’t want Tania to know. Um, I know it isn’t the right way to do it, but I’m going to ask her to marry me later today on the Heyerdahl. Will you be her bridesmaid if she accepts? I want a proper wedding party for her and that means at least three bridesmaids. You’d make the third. I’ll pay for your trip. Please say yes!” His eyes were filled with his earnest feeling and she couldn’t resist.
“OK, but no god-awful bridesmaid’s dresses and Eric comes along! Now let’s go!” She practically dragged him off the lanai into the house. “Go get dressed, we don’t have much time!”
After a whirlwind tour of local jewelers and some very hard bargaining, he was the proud owner of a flawless 2 carat diamond ring. The stone at the center was held in a setting that made it look as though it had grown out of the gold and platinum, smaller diamonds encrusting the tendrils which held the jewel. It wasn’t the ring he had truly wanted to give her but it was the best he could possibly have afforded and so much more than he ever thought he would be able to give. He thanked Sarah over and over as she herded him along to their next stop.
To his surprise, it was a bridal shop. When it turned out they already had her measurements, he almost fainted. When he asked how, she simply turned to him with a straight face and said,”You know, you have a lot of cheerleaders. It took some judicious hacking, but this is the gown she looked at the longest, so I’m pretty sure it’s the one she wants. If you’re going to spring a surprise like this on her, I think you should make it as perfect as possible. Oh, by the way, these earrings were designed to go with this dress. So is this necklace.”
Much to his credit, Vasily didn’t even ask for the prices. He simply scanned his thumb to verify the transaction and took the time to make sure that the goods would be delivered when and where he wanted them. A whirlwind of shopping later, he found himself kneeling down on the edge of the pool as a blonde goddess hoisted herself out of the water, wiping the moisture out of her eyes and gazing down on him in surprise.
“Tania, I know I asked you if you wanted to marry me. What I want to know is do you want to marry me right now. Everything is all set if you say yes.” He looked up into the sun and into her eyes. “Please say yes.”
She leaned down and kissed him deeply. “Of course I say yes, my love. Now when and where do we do this?”
Sarah leapt into the conversation. “Well, when would be about 4 hours from now and where would be on the Heyerdahl. We catch our shuttle up in about an hour so you two had better get dried off and dressed right now!”
It took a moment longer for the 2 lovers to separate and begin frantically preparing for their flight. They held each other tightly all the way up until they had to let each other go to get through the hatch into the ship, arriving to find all of their fellow crewmembers gathered in the mess hall. The crew was already working their way into a raucous celebration so the lovers found themselves herded into cramped cabins to begin dressing.
An observer would have heard “But why the fuck do I have to have fake tits for this dress? I mean I want to show up with what I have! I know he likes me the way I am!”
“Now chill out, we couldn’t get the dress altered in time enough and without them it won’t fall right! Besides, this is about what they figure you’ll wind up with anyway, so stop bitching! You’ve got to admit, they really help your look!”
Tania looked down at herself and had to grudgingly admit that the prosthetic breasts really did help. “I just don’t want to be fake for him, you know? I mean I might have these for real in a couple of years, but right now I’m as flat as a board. I just don’t want to get his hopes up if I turn out to have like fried eggs for tits. Umm, that, and they are a little heavy, you know?”
Sarah smirked at her. “Um, I’ve been carrying a set of double D’s around for almost fifty fucking years, sister. I know how heavy they are. Those only bring you up to about a C cup, which is about what I had before I had my son. You wanted to be a woman, so stop bitching. And hold still, dammit!”
The shuttle ride up to the ship was fairly routine for everybody but Sarah and Eric, who had never been in space before. Sarah took to it well, but Eric had the misfortune to be horribly space sick as soon as the microgravity portion of the trip commenced. If he could have seen it, he would have truly loved the beauty of the blue planet slowly rotating below them.
Once they had docked at CGC1, the company’s space station, they readied themselves to disembark. As they filed through the hatch they were astonished to find an actual old fashioned honor guard awaiting. The formalities of boarding were redoubled for them and at the end of the line, there was a tall graceful woman holding what looked for all the world like a violin case. She stepped forward and held it out to Sean.
“This was supposed to be yours, with the compliments of the entire company. It was to be given to you after you had completed your mission, as a token of our gratitude. We took a vote and decided that now was a better time, that such a thing should be given in a spirit of renewal and hope, rather than simply one of vengeance fulfilled. With the hopes and prayers of all your sisters we present to you this priceless gift. May you forever cherish it and may the music you give us reflect all that has gone before, as we wish for a future as bright as the sun.” She leaned forward and whispered into Sean’s ear. “Kill the bastards for us!”
Almost dreading what she was to find inside the case, Sean whispered fiercely back. “Damn straight I will!” The two women hugged, an embrace that meant more than any observer would have guessed.
“Now open it!” Sean did as instructed and gasped at the contents before lovingly stroking the highly polished wood and strings.
“I can’t possibly accept this. This is meant to be played by a master, not some lowly tyro like myself. I mean, it’s a Stradavirius!”
“It is a bit more than that, I’m afraid. It is the only remaining complete example of its kind. It is not just a gift from your sisters, it a gift of the people of Japan. The Empress wanted you to have it. Yo yo Ma himself said you were the only artist he thought worthy of it. Oh, and he is here to play with you at the wedding.”
Sean nearly dropped the case. “I, I don’t, I can’t, I mean what?”
“Oh, you’ll find out the rest in just a few minutes. You thought that this was going to go unnoticed? Tania and Vasily are going to be married by the Emperor Himself. He has flown here to perform the ceremony. Don’t tell Tania, we don’t want her getting all nervous.”
“Tania, nervous? You expect me to play with Yo yo? In front of the Emperor?” Sean was practically gibbering. “I can’t do it, I’ll make a fool of myself. I’m not good enough. I’ll humiliate myself and everyone else!” Her voice was rising, going rapidly from embarrassment to anger. “How dare you spring this shit on me! I come here expecting a quiet wedding for my friend and now you’ve turned it into a goddamned state occasion and I’m expected to perform for people! Whose fucking idea was this shit!”
Sarah stepped forward. “It was mine.”
Sean rounded on her and began another tirade but didn’t get very far before being shaken by a resounding slap. “Now look, you and I both know you are damn well good enough, and better. You will do this and you will make me proud, and you will damn sure not ruin Tania’s wedding with your shit! Now take your fucking violin and go get dressed!” She held Sean’s face in her hands and looked into her eyes. “I knew you were something special, even back when you were my little brother. Now you’re my sister, but you’re still my little sister. I’ve gone to a lot of trouble to arrange this, and I’ll kindly thank you not to fuck it up!”