The Book Club 2/4

The next morning, I woke bright and early, brushed out my hair into as feminine a style as I could manage, had a really close shave of my face. put on a dressing gown and went to give the clothes a tumble-dry.

Later after getting get the clothes out of the dryer I was soon dressed from the skin out in some of my mother’s old clothes, which hadn’t dated too much and were still acceptable. After struggling with the bra and tights, the cotton striped top, denim mid-thigh skirt, and a pair of 2” block-heel sandals completed the outfit.

I was now ready to see if changing my style of dressing would also change my mindset and give me inspiration to improve my novel.

Being down in the kitchen, preparing my breakfast, dressed in a skirt for the first time in many years brought back many happy memories of my times there with Auntie Meg. Here she had not only introduced me to the delights of baking and cooking, but had also first dressed me as a girl, which continued through my formative years.

In my late teens, and early twenties at University and then learning the hard way about teaching to a class of unruly disinterested pupils, all thoughts of wearing skirts had faded, but I now found it strangely comforting to recall how dressing as a girl gave me a special bond with Auntie Meg and enriched my childhood. However my daydreaming of past times had to stop as the main reason I was dressed in these clothes was not to reminisce, but to see if it would inspire me to introduce a wider appeal to my novel.

I decided that if I was to have a new approach to my writing that I needed to reorganise my study and work desk too, to try to create a different atmosphere. I tidied everything up, gave the room a clean, picked some flowers from my garden and put them in a vase on my desk alongside a photo of Auntie Meg with me dressed as a girl, the whole feel of the room was now much more relaxed and feminine and would hopefully affect my mood as I worked.

I was generally happy with the main themes of the book and didn’t think that the general direction of it needed to be altered, just the details and characterisation, so decided to amend it, page by page and chapter by chapter. All morning I chopped and changed, re-read and changed again most of the detail, strengthening personalities and relationships and totally reworked the first two chapters before stopping for a break.

On the way to the kitchen, I stopped to look at myself in the full-length hall mirror and was surprised at how feminine I looked. At 5’7” (170cm) I was short for a man but was quite tall for a woman, similarly my slight not over-muscular frame at 10 stone (140pounds, 64kg), was appropriate for both genders, and my facial features were reasonably soft, not too strong and rugged. I don’t know where the idea came from but I thought that with a bit of make up I could make myself acceptably presentable as a woman.

Once in the kitchen instead of just making myself a sandwich as I had intended, I made up some short pastry, peeled and chopped up some Bramley apples that I had picked from my trees in the garden earlier, added a handful of sultanas and some cinnamon and was soon taking a fresh apple pie out of the oven, a large portion of which topped by double cream served as my lunch, the rest was left to cool before going into the freezer.

Refreshed, physically and mentally by my time in the kitchen I returned to the study to carry on with my book. As I was revising the later chapters some events led me to go back to the earlier ones to fill in even more descriptive details and I was getting a lot happier with what I was producing.

After completing my day’s work I sat and relaxed with a coffee and considered whether to treat my skirt and other clothes as a working uniform to be changed out of at the end of the day or whether just to stay as I was. Since I was in quite a relaxed mood, I decided there was no point in changing back. The large supermarket on the town outskirts had 24hr opening, so late evening when I expected it to be relatively empty, I found a coat and bag amongst mother’s remaining clothes and went out to get a few things I needed.

There were odds and ends of groceries, but my main reason was to get myself some more items for my female wardrobe. My mother’s stuff was mostly acceptable but it somehow didn’t feel right and I wanted to get some things of my own. I ended up with two more skirts, some leggings, a few tops , bras panties and tights, two sleep-sets, a pair of black court shoes, makeup moisturisers and cologne, hair combs and accessories. It all cost a lot more than I expected but if Cathal was to take a temporary back seat and Cathy was to be around for a while until the book was finished, it would all get used.

The shop was almost empty and the girl on the checkout was near the end of her shift, looking bored, so didn’t really pay much attention to me, none of the usual chatty pleasantries, and I managed to get away without being read or remarked upon as a man in a skirt, but I was relieved to get back to the safety of home.

I quickly put all my stuff in the wardrobe and dresser or in the bathroom, changed into one of my new sleep sets and went back downstairs to make a hot chocolate as a bedtime drink, but as earlier, every time I went into the kitchen the memories of my happy times with Auntie Meg came flooding back.

I soon got into a routine of the daily life of a woman, hair, makeup, jumper and skirt, working all day as Cathy. It seemed to have the effect I wanted, not only did I revise and revamp the chapters I had previously written, but also added in a few more side stories in between to make the book much more interesting and captivating. I read it through again, tidied up a few typing or grammar errors and emailed a copy to Emma.

‘Hi Emma,

I took your advice and freshened up the story, please let me know what you think.

Best Wishes.
Cathal’

A few days later, dressed and made-up as Cathy I was just leaving the house and getting into my car to go to the shops when I heard a shouted ‘Hi, wait a minute.” and saw Emma walking up the drive towards me.

“Is Cathal in, I’ve been meaning to call him.”

I was in a state of shock, couldn’t manage to speak, and blushed deeply with embarrassment at being seen by her. Suddenly her eyes widened and she put her hands to her mouth in astonishment, suppressing a shriek.

“Wow, Is that you Cathal, I didn’t recognise you at first, let’s go back inside and have a talk about this?” she said as she took my arm and led me back into the house. “Take off your coat, sit down, put your bag down, relax and don’t worry. You are obviously in a state of shock, let me make you a coffee while you compose yourself.”

With my mind in turmoil as to how to deal with this, I meekly did as I had been told until she brought in the coffee to calm me down and smiled.

“I thought that you told me before that cross-dressing was all in your past and just a teenage discovering-yourself thing. I was never expecting to actually see you like this. You look amazing by the way, if I saw you in the street I would just pass you by without a second thought. What started you off again?”

“What must you think of me Emma, I am so embarrassed that you have seen me dressed like this, you hardly know me and then you discover me wearing a dress and makeup? I’ll go and get changed if it will make you feel more comfortable?”

“Don’t bother on my account, i’m more surprised and interested rather than shocked or disgusted, just stay as you are and we can have a girl-to-girl chat.”

“When I came to the book club I was taken by how you and the girls read the book in a different light to me, how you picked up more on the characters and personal interlinks rather that the crime mystery aspects. It made me think about how to alter my book to appeal to a wider audience, people like you and the girls. It grew from there to trying to get into the same mindset as you, and I felt that wearing a skirt would help in that, and I believe it has done, I think my book is a lot better for it.”

“Just leave the book for the moment, tell me more about how wearing a skirt to help you write led into you going the whole hog and looking as you do now, in a dress, heels, full makeup, even boobs too. Do you dress as a woman all the time now?”

“Wearing a skirt just brought back happy memories of my time with Auntie Meg, particularly when I am working in the kitchen, and to get me in the mood for writing I tidied up my study and made it a bit more of a feminine space. I started off just wearing some of my mother’s old stuff but since then I have been shopping, just at the supermarket, and bought a few things for myself. When I am working out in the garden I wear my trousers and shirts, but around the house I normally wear a dress or skirt now and am quite comfortable with that.”

“Other than going to the supermarket have you been out at all?”

“Not really, I have only been out when necessary. The first few times I was very nervous, expecting to be discovered, but now I have realised that I look acceptable and am a bit more relaxed.”

“Put you coat on and pick up your bag Cath…y, I can’t call you Cathal anymore, we’re going over to mine. I’ll get changed, I can’t have you looking better-dressed than I am, then you and I are going for a walk, you need to get out and face the world more.”

It didn’t take too long for her to get changed and freshen up. For the first time, I really noticed how, clothes makeup and hairstyle totally changed the character of a woman and saw a different side to Emma. I decided that if Cathy was going to be a part of my life, I still had an awful lot to learn.

Emma drove us to the local country park and we had a pleasant walk through the gardens and along the lake shore which helped to blow away my worries. Emma just put to one side any discussions about me dressing and we chatted about life in general, the girls in the book club, and people we met on the way, before going to a nearby pub for something to eat and drink.

“Right Cathy, you have been walking around for a couple of hours, saying hello to people on the way and passing the time of day, just accept that as far as anyone else is concerned you are a woman out for the day with a friend and treat it as the most normal thing in the world, let’s go in and enjoy the atmosphere.” she said to me as we went into the lounge.

“Hi Ladies what can I get you.” asked the barman with a smile.

“You go first Cathy, I haven’t decided yet.” she nudged me and cheekily winked, forcing me to open the conversation.

“Oh, a sauvignon spritzer please, and a chicken risotto with a focaccia side order. Have you made your mind up yet Emma?” I replied, thinking back to what Jacquie had on our last dinner date together.

“That sounds good, the same for me please.” Emma quickly made her choice.

“That wasn’t too hard, was it, not only do you look good, but you sound believable too.” she said as we sat at the table with our drinks. During the meal she asked me about Tara’s Lodge. “I never got around to asking Margaret, who is Tara that the house was named after, was that the name your Aunt used for you when you dressed as a girl?”

“It’s a long story. Auntie Meg was born into a landowning family in County Antrim, but the wider family owned land and property in County Meath near the Hill of Tara , reputedly the seat of the ancient High Kings of Ireland. Their house was at the entrance to one of the paths up to the hilltop and was known as The Lodge. When her family moved from Ireand to Southdale they renamed the house to remind them of their family roots. In fact Auntie Meg’s middle name was Tara, but she never really used it. We enjoyed our meal and drinks and as we got up to leave, the barman gave us a big smile.”I hope to see you ladies again, you make a pleasant change from most of my regulars,”

I started to make my way to the door, but Emma put her hand on my arm. “No rush Cathy, let’s visit the Ladies before we leave.”

“I’m all right at the moment, thanks, but you go if you need to.”

“Do as you are told, just come with me.” she almost dragged me through the door having a quick look round to make sure there was nobody else in there.

“A few things, never miss an opportunity to use the loo, and don’t forget to sit. After a meal you need to freshen your lipstick, and in case you have never noticed, us women tend to go to the loo in pairs so we can have a gossip without the men hearing. You still have a lot to learn.”

“Are you coming over for a chat,” I asked as we got out of the car at her house.

“Of course, with all the excitement of meeting you Cathy, I almost forgot why I came over to your house earlier. I can’t stay long, John is back home tonight and I want to get the house and meal ready, and get myself ready for him too.” she said with a mischievous grin on her face.

I brought out a plate of Blueberry Muffins and Shortbread Rounds that I had made earlier along with a pot of tea, bobbed down to put the tray on the table, brushed my skirt behind my legs and sat down for a chat.

“You know what Cathy, those were very feminine movements you made there, you are definitely sliding slowly into womanhood. Anyway, the reason I came over was to tell you that I have re-read your book and really enjoyed it, it is much better than the first draft and much more enjoyable to read, the characters really came to life and I could relate to them a lot better. I think that it is almost ready to go to the publishers, but I would like to make a suggestion. This Friday we have our book club meeting at Anne’s, why not bring along memory cards or USB drives with the book file on for the girls to read and we can review it a month later to see how it has been received.

“That sounds a good idea, I’m happy with that.”

“Just so I know and can warn people, will Cathal be coming to the meeting, or Cathy?”

“Definitely Cathal, nobody else is to know, please promise me that Emma.”

“I’m good with that, but I enjoyed today out with Cathy and would like to do it again, are you up for it?”

“I’m not too sure, for the moment let's just keep it within these four walls.”

On Friday, Emma looked disappointed when I arrived as Cathal but, true to her word, said nothing to the others about my alter ego. It was agreed that their next book of the month would be ‘Troublesome Times’ and I gave them all a copy in e-book format so they could read it in the same manner as if it was published on Kindle or Amazon, and offered to host the next meeting at ‘Tara’s Lodge’ to review it. I later regretted offering to host the following meeting and worried for the next few weeks waiting with bated breath for their comments.

A few days before the meeting I spent a lot of time in the kitchen preparing cakes and snacks, far too much really for just eight of us, but better to have too much rather than too little, and giving all the main rooms a good clean and polish.

“Are you all ready for tomorrow Cathy?” Emma called over to make sure that I was all prepared. “I’ve already had a lot of feedback from the girls and they all think it is a great read. A comment I have had from some of them is that if they didn’t know better they would swear that the book was written by a woman, the way the text flows and the characters are built up. Do you mind that?”

“ Not at all, I will take it as a compliment, I did rework it to appeal to you all a bit more.”

“Please don’t snap at me, but can I suggest that you host us all and lead the discussions as Cathy. I know that you are trying to keep Cathy a secret, but I honestly think that it would go down well with them all knowing where your inspiration and emotions came from.”

“I’m not too comfortable that, I don’t want to become a figure of ridicule or gossip.”

“I’ve known most of these girls for years, and I know too many of their secrets for them to betray yours. Trust me, I’m sure that they will accept and welcome you as Cathy. I’ve accepted you and I am certain they all will too.”

“OK but if there is any bother it is all down to you and that will be the end of our little cosy chats.”

“I’ll welcome them for you and explain the situation while you keep out of the way in the kitchen until I call you in.”

I hardly slept that night half-regretting what I had agreed to do, but Emma had been very determined and persuasive and I had given in eventually. I made an extra effort with my hair and makeup in the morning, put on a new bra and pantie set, fitted the enhancer inserts I had bought to give me a bit of a bust, wore my new floral midi shirt dress which flattered what figure I had, slipped into my wedge-heel sandals, a slightly understated outfit as I didn’t want to dress too over-the-top, and was ready to make my debut to the group as Cathy.

Emma arrived early to make sure that it was still alright and that I was happy to meet them dressed as a woman, then I went to the kitchen leaving her to meet and greet the others. I heard a lot of chatter but couldn’t make out what was being said, there was no shouting screaming or shrieking so things must have been going not too badly. Eventually Emma popped her head around the door, smiled, gave the thumbs up and said “You’re on Cathy get yourself out here and let me introduce you to the others.”

With my heart in my mouth I followed her through to the sitting room to be greeted by whoops and shrieks and was soon engulfed in a big group hug.

‘Wow you look amazing.”“I don’t believe it, you are gorgeous.”
“ You put us all to shame, we’ll have to make a bit more effort next time.”
“ Welcome to the club Cathy.”
“ Is that really you? you haven’t sent out out a twin sister have you?”

After all the initial excitement they all settled down and as I went back to the kitchen to get the drinks and snacks I felt 7 pairs of eyes boring into me, watching every move I made. After that we settled down to discuss ‘Troublesome Times’ which all of them said they thoroughly enjoyed. There were a few comments about some of the events and the reactions of the characters but they were mainly a matter of personal taste and opinion, overall it was a big success. My adopting the personality and feminine attitudes of Cathy had certainly done the trick.

Afterwards the conversation focussed back on me, on why I had adopted the role of Cathy, how I felt about dressing and looking as a woman, they were all genuinely interested no-one was critical or nasty. They made me promise that at future meetings I would attend as Cathy as they all felt comfortable having me there as one of the girls rather than standing out like a sore thumb as Cathal, thanked me for the delicious cakes and snacks and all slowly drifted off leaving Emma and me to face the calm after the storm and tidy up.

“You were great today Cathy, you just blended in with the rest of us, the girls were a bit worried that you would look a bit weird, a man in a dress, but when they saw you and heard you speak they were bowled over. Next time, after they have had time to think about it, they will just treat you exactly the same as each other, at the book club you will be just another one of the girls.”

“I’m a bit worried Emma, I started dressing just to get into the minds of my female characters, but it has become just an everyday event for me now. After today the book is finished, other than sending it in for publication, I now have no excuse to continue with Cathy.”

“You don’t need an excuse, if you are happy, just carry on with it. Between me and the other girls you have enough friends to get out and about and meet people, you don’t have to hide away in here anymore. i have another suggestion for you. You heard the comments that the book read as if it had been written by a woman. It might be better to list the author as ‘Catherine O’Neill’ or better still ‘Cathy O’Neill’. I tend to buy or borrow more books with female authors than male, and I’m sure most women do the same. That book will appeal to women more than men, so it might get better sales that way.”

For the next few weeks that is the way it continued, I was living completely as Cathy, meeting the girls at the book club or going out with them in-groups or individually, to the theatre, restaurants, day trips, shopping, just living normal life, except in skirts rather than trousers. My hair was growing, my application of makeup getting better and my appearance mannerisms and speech were blending in with those of my friends, to anyone not in the know I was just another woman they met.

Out by myself one day, strolling in the country park I stopped at the café by the lake for a rest and a drink. It was fairly busy and there were no spare tables. However I saw Jacquie my colleague from school was there by herself and went over to ask if I could share her table. We introduced ourselves and chatted away over our drinks , passing the time of day. I had worked closely with Jacquie at the school and had dated her a few times, but despite that there was not a flicker of recognition, another milestone passed.

After a bit of back and fro with edits, ‘Troublesome Times was published and on the bookshelves. It did not set the publishing world on fire but made steady sales which justified all my hard work brought in a regular income.and encouraged me to continue with my writing. I ensured that Emma and the girls all received personalised copies for their help reviewing it and promised to use them as a sounding board for all my future books.

My next novel ‘The Class Barrier’ was in many ways a sequel to the first, but was much more of a historical romance between Sarah, one of the daughters of the farm and Roland the son of the local Lord of the Manor, with a lot less emphasis on the turmoil of the times, but a lot more on the romantic ups and downs of their relationship and struggles for acceptability due to the wide differences in their social status. It was not unusual at the time for the aristocrats to have dalliances with peasant girls, but it was a strongly frowned upon for a serious relationship to develop, causing ructions in both of their families.

I soon gave up completely on any pretence to still live as a man as Cathy gradually became widely known and liked by all the other neighbours who had never met Cathal and were only on nodding terms with Auntie Meg, knowing nothing about our family life and history.

To be continued.