It was another superb day, LC managing Equinox, at VS, but I drew the line at Solstice, as it is not just HVS but involves a particularly nasty and sustained layback. We’d started on the relatively easy slab of Jagged Face, which is a balance and small holds affair, going as low as Hard Very difficult or Mild severe, before the far more technical (and vertical) Solstice face.
Leo and Scott each managed the layback on Solstice, after peeling on a toprope, and agreed that they really, REALLY didn’t fancy leading it, but everyone including LC cruised the easier route, Clara requiring quite a bit of advice before managing the finish.. We played on the easier slab for a bit, before Ish belayed me up Massambula, E2 5b, and none of the sods could follow. It was the same with Scarlet Runner, but then that is E4 5c, so not surprising. Enfys had now arrived, so at least I didn’t have to collect my own gear while being lowered off.
“Not your style of climb, Uncle Mike, all that delicate slab stuff”
“Variety is the spice of life, love. Who’s been pissing about with the grades?”
“Where?”
“Had a look at the new guides. Tennis Shoe has gone up from S to HS, Charity from V Diff to Severe, both of which are fair, but who downgraded Seamstress to VS from HVS?”
She just laughed, the heartless sod, so I resolved to keep using the old guidebook. We followed her into the maze that is the Dinorwic quarry, and finally arrived at the amazing feature that is the Seamstress Slab, like an axe head chopped into the Earth.
Scott was looking at it with wide eyes, his hand waving vaguely as he spotted the lines,
“Which one’s Seamstress, Mr Rhodes?”
Sod the new guidebook.
“That crack there son, with the narrow-track step over the overlap. HVS, The crack to the right is a lot harder. E2 5b. That one there… that’s 8a”
“Shit!”
“Bolted, though. I came here once, years ago, and someone had drawn a diagram on a bit of slate, with the words ‘Y Gwaedlyd’ on it. New guide says it’s that bit over there, grades it 7a, and that is an example of what I hate about so-called sport climbing”
“Which is?”
“When I found that piece of slate, I could see chalk on the route. What I couldn’t see were bolts. They’ve been added since. Someone who wanted to do the moves, but didn’t have the courage”
“What’s the name mean?”
“No idea. Enfys?”
“It means ’The one covered in blood’, Scott”
We spent several hours there, everyone but Enfys, Clara and LC leading Seamstress, but everybody successful in climbing it, while Enfys and myself led Seams The Same, with a few failures in both seconding and toproping. All three of the younger women failed, and I didn’t even try with LC, but Maz cruised ut after our sone peeled at the crux.
Different people, different strengths. Enfys was looking twitchy, and when I asked, she just pointed at a line of bolts.
“Heading the Shot, Uncle Mike. I’d like to try it, but I would need a really sound second. It’s been regraded as well”
“To?”
“E5 mumble”
“Sorry?”
“7a… Well, it’s 6b, but there’s a variation, and that pushes up the tech grade”
It was a full digit past my comfort zone, but, well, we wouldn’t be back here for ages, and I would be seconding.
“Okay, then”
This was Enfys as I had never seen her before, standing at the foot of a blank slab, gaze somewhere else, making little practice moves, and then “Climbing!”
She peeled at the crux, almost running down the face as she fell, and then insisted we pull the rope down so she could do it again. More deep breathing, more mental preparation, and this time she cracked it, moving up much faster on the upper slab.
How old and fat was I? How stupid? Sod it.
“Climbing!”
It was bloody hard, but I managed to reach the overlap without peeling, and equally without any idea as to why, and how, I hadn’t come off.
“Where to now, love?”
“Hand traverse left to that groove”
“Call that a groove?”
“It’s all you have”
“I left one of your quickdraws behind. I’d have peeled if I’d tried to recover it”
“No worries. I’ll ab down for it. Now…”
I had to sit at the top for a few minutes, my forearms and calves screaming at me, but I was grinning.
“I’ll wait here till you’re down, love, then take down the belay. Want a back up rope?”
“Please. Never happy with abbing”
I got Ish to attach a second rope to ours, and pulled it up to set up another belay before securing her as she abseiled down the slab to collect her quickdraw, and I then carried everything down the descent path to find Ish grinning.
“First time I’ve ever seen you with disco leg, Dad!”
“Cheeky monkey”
“Oh, not as cheeky as Mum”
“What have you done, my love?”
Maz was twinkling with glee.
“Got it all on video”
“And? I am sure there is more”
“E-mailed it to Chad and Ku”
“They’ll put it up on that website!”
“That, dear husband, is exactly what I suggested”
She was coming back to me. Staggering occasionally, often reaching out for a hand, but slowly learning to walk again.
We finished our time at the quarry with a tour-guide session from Enfys, pointing out the various ridiculously-hard test pieces, including one that started her giggling.
“That one’s called ‘Stack of nude books meets the Stick Man’. The ‘Stick Man’ is a nickname for one of the slate pioneers, and, well… The route’s E4 6a, so I think not for today, ah?”
Leo looked confused.
“This stack, of nude books?”
Enfys laughed, once again.
“The books weren’t nude, they were collections of nudes. I suppose the books WERE nude, in that sense”
Ish called out, “Get to the point!”
“Okay. When our heroes arrived at the crag, there was a pile of magazines by the start. Gentlemen’s magazines. Um, left-handed reading material”
Leo was still puzzled, clearly.
“Why is reading left-handed?”
Nell and Cathy were lost in hilarity, so Scott leant in closer and whispered to him before making a rapid and very graphic motion with his right hand, and the lad’s eyes went wide.
“NO!”
Enfys just replied. “YES!” and then gave an anecdote about her wife’s studies.
“Alys had to do various biome, ecosystem, whatever the word is: she did ecology and conservation, so she had to look at all sorts of different environments. We have an invasive species here; most people don’t understand how destructive it is, cause it looks pretty”
I offered “Rhododendrons?”, and she nodded.
“Anyway, one of the standard research topics for her course is in ways to get rid of them, and she was down near Beddgelert. Bunch of the things had formed a sort of bower, and, little ears?”
I looked across to LC, who was showing Kawan how to draw pictures on bits of slate.
“Fine, love”
“Okay. So there is my beloved, looking into this little space, and there is, as you have guessed, a pile of magazines there. What made her laugh wasn’t the fact that there was a single right-hand rubber dishwashing glove on top of the pile, but that a rather rare fungus was growing next to it, Called Caninis mutinus or something like that”
Clara was chuckling, obviously in full understanding, and Enfys just nodded at her as Cathy asked, “And?”. Enfys simply waved at Clara to deliver the punch line.
“Well, I like mushrooms, and when we go camping, Deb knows some tasty ones, so we have a guidebook at the House. I see Cathy and Nell know what I’m about to deliver”
Two smirking nods.
“So that fungus is part of the stinkhorn family, and its Englishname is what it looks like: dog’s dick”
That broke the silence, as laughter took our group, and then we started the process of packing, delayed only by LC’s demands for ‘just one more, which were allayed by Enfys planting a runner at about fifteen feet in the Seamstress crack so that our daughter could have a little play on the ‘blank’ slate beside it.
“Wife of mine?”
“Husband?”
“What I said about a chalk bag for her sweets? I think she now needs a second one, for her chalk. I suspect we have another Enfys here”
“consider it listed, Mr MBR. Now, what is our plan for the evening? Pub?”
“Sounds good to me”
Enfys confirmed that she would be going home to Bangor, but Cathy was waving her mobile.
“Just checked with Deb. She’s happy to do designated driver tonight, so we’ll be there as well. I’ve also had a cheeky thought: is there room for four tonight in your bunkhouse?”
Enfys pulled her phone out, tapped a key, and then launched into her own language, which had LC fascinated, before confirming that her father had agreed to reserve some shelf space for them. Cathy smiled, which seemed to be her default state.
“Then we are agreed. Enfys, if I give you my addy, could you mail me any vids or pics you’ve got, and I’ll bring my laptop. Ish? You up for that? I’ve already got Clara’s”
My boy surprised me just then, as well as making me proud.
“Need to clear it with Dad, because that is the first time I have ever seen him shake on a climb, and while it’s okay to laugh when we’re like this, it’s not the same with strangers”
Our boy. I shook my head.
“Thanks, son, but it’s actually a good training point. I should have kept that heel lower. I think we should be asking Enfys, really, after that peel”
That woman just laughed out, “Na! Shows them that falling is part of the game, as well as proving that gear works”
So it was back to the bunkhouse, some of us to queue for the shower while others got the use of the Hiatts’ bathroom, and then some quiet time reading or napping before the walk down to the Cow, which was pretty quiet until the arrival of Debbie’s horde, who seemed to gravitate directly to Ish, who received a large number of hugs. Debbie and her husband found seats near me and my girls, however.
“Any issues, Mr Rhodes?”
I shook my head, but with a smile.
“We’ve had our conversations with both of them, Deb. He’s happy, but realistic, and she, well, still bloody waters, there”
“Aye, there are. That’s the thing with so many of them. Everyone locks onto ‘what’ they are instead of ‘who’. That’s part of what I try to give them, space to be a person. Like Gemma, there: has her own reputation now, as a pro chef. My man here found the key to that, didn’t you?”
Frank shrugged.
“Simple, really. Just pointed out to a few idiots that if they were willing to queue to buy what she made, it probably made sense to keep her as sweet as her pastries. Worked, mostly”
Maz asked, “Mostly?”, and he grinned.
“Aye, ‘mostly’. One time, it was almost funny. Someone started the usual stuff, no originality to them at all, is there? When I say ‘almost funny’, there was a couple there, two lads, I mean, and one of them fronted up to the arsehole, and got a smack for his trouble”
Maz looked at me with a wince.
“How could that be funny, Frank?”
“Oh, we have some very regular customers, and a couple were there from Diane’s crew. What’s that phrase they like, love?”
Debbie grinned happily, but also surprisingly ferally at the same time.
“Only the most necessary of force was used in their arrest”