Tano arrived at Watch headquarters bright and early, as usual, only to find a summons to the Duke's palace waiting for him. His stomach twisted with dread at the thought of the meeting that was sure to happen, but as there was no avoiding it, he put on his best stone face and trudged up to the palace, leaving Captain Ennrian, his second, in charge.

Rannale, the Duke's Secretary was waiting for him when he arrived. "Lord Commander," he said with a small bow.

Tano scowled at the man, displeased at the reminder of the title that Duke Sleine had insisted on foisting upon him as a "reward" for long years of distinguished service. However, as he knew from experience that Rannale would ignore anything he said on the matter, he grumpily followed the man to the Duke's study without comment.

Vicereine Kalira rose when he entered, looking tired, but still as strikingly beautiful as ever. Tano endured her brief embrace, and even found a smile for her when she thanked him earnestly for coming so early.

"You know I don't sleep," he reminded her.

"Right. Of course. Sorry." Kalira yawned and resumed her seat at the Duke's table, laying an affectionate hand on his arm as he poured her a cup of very strong tea.

Tano's insides twisted with misery as Sleine leaned forward to kiss Kalira's cheek, a reaction that he struggled not to show. It wasn't Kalira's fault she hadn't been able to return his feelings, after all. He'd told Kalira he was happy for her, and he'd just have to convince himself that he meant it.

"Something to eat, Commander?" The Duke gestured to the spread in front of him.

"No thank you, my Lord." Tano said politely. He was able to counterfeit the mechanics of eating, but as he didn't have any taste buds, he preferred not to bother. "I don't currently require sustenance."

The Duke smiled. "I'm afraid you'll have to forgive our rudeness as we eat in front of you, then. It's been a long morning already."

Tano nodded stiffly, wishing that Sleine wasn't so damnably... likeable. Somehow it would have made Kalira's rejection easier to bear.

The war council commenced when the rest of the Duke's informal council of advisors had arrived.

"We've located the shifter cult's temple, and with it - the relic," Sleine said, jumping straight to the heart of the matter. "And not a moment too soon - the conjunction needed for the ritual is less than two days away. The temple is hidden below the lowest levels of the catacombs. A strike team is being assembled as we speak to infiltrate the temple and destroy the relic, so that the cult won't be able to summon their god." Sleine turned the full weight of his regard on Tano. "Commander Tano, given that these are your people..."

"They are not my people," Tano growled. "They chose their side when they abandoned me, and I've chosen mine."

The Duke grimaced.

"Your loyalty is, of course, above reproach," Kalira said apologetically. "We simply meant that you have the best understanding of how they think."

Sleine nodded. "To say nothing of how useful a man of your... talents will be."

Tano grunted. It wasn't the first time he'd been tapped for a mission of this sort. He was Commander of the Tinoran City Watch, not an adventurer or an assassin. But it was hard to deny that his shifting ability would be even more of an asset than usual, given that they were going up against his own kin. And since a successful summoning of the shifter god would result in a cataclysm of fire and death that would consume the entire city, it was in Tano's own best interest to do everything in his power to ensure the ritual was prevented.

"I am yours to command, my Lord."

"Very well. The strike team is assembling at the armory. You'll leave as soon as they're ready."

* * *

The Duke's adventurers were some of the best in the realm, and with good reason - Sleine spared no expense to ensure they were happy. That their salary came from his own personal coffers rather than the public purse was one of the many reasons he was so beloved by his people. His effortless goodness was another - the Duke was a man you couldn't help but believe in.

Safely navigating the catacombs' warren of tunnels was slow, careful work. The cult had booby-trapped the tunnels with all manner of gruesome and deadly traps, both mechanical and magical. It took a full day for the team to get into position, and everyone - including Tano - was exhausted and worn by the time they evaded the last of the patrols and emerged from a secret passage into the inner sanctum.

Birch, the team's master thief, consulted their pocket watch. "The conjunction happens in about two hours."

"We won't get another shot at this, then," replied the cleric, a balding little man whose name Tano's tired brain refused to hold onto.

Found it," Esskale, their wizard, said dryly, pointing to an alcove on the opposite wall in which a large, plain metal box sat on a marble pedestal. The entire wall was dominated by an ominous mosaic, with black and purple tiles making it appear that shadow tentacles were erupting from the box. Esskale frowned, squinting, as she scanned the surrounding area with mage sight. "Nobody move," she said shortly as she raised her hands.

Nobody did.

A few minutes later, she made a final throwing motion, and there was a brief shower of sparks. "There," she said tiredly. "Had to do it quick and dirty, but I've unmade the protections. The magic ones at least." She swayed exhaustedly, and Lorek - a taciturn merc the size of a brick wall - stepped forward to steady her. "And now I need to sit down."

"My turn," Birch said, lowering a pair of enormous lenses onto their face.

Time ticked with agonizing slowness as Birch examined every square inch of floor before turning their attention to the pedestal itself, but no one complained. Birch was the only reason they'd gotten this far in the first place.

Finally, Birch sighed. "Only one left," they said, lifting their lenses and beckoned Tano over. "But it's a doozy. See this?" They pointed at a small circular hole on the front of the box that was about as deep as Tano's second knuckle, several inches below the lid's seam. Birch moved their lantern so that Tano could see the wicked-looking needle gleaming inside. "There's one on every side, and the only way to remove the lid is to depress the mechanisms on all four sides of the box."

Tano frowned. "And the needles are coated with a fatal poison, I suppose."

"Naturally," Birch replied.

Tano looked at Esskale, who was sitting on the floor, leaning against a large pillar. "Is the poison magical in any way?"

Esskale grunted, squinted at the box, and shook her head. "No."

"Mm. And cutting the damn thing open would draw far too much attention."

Birch nodded wryly. "We don't have the time or tools for that anyway. Unless Esskale can melt it or something."

"Nope. Used all my power making sure we didn't get disintegrated."

"Alright then." Tano cleared his throat self-consciously. He didn't usually like shifting in front of an audience, but... Needs must. "If anyone gets squeamish about tentacles, you might want to close your eyes."

It would have been easier to revert to his natural liquid state, but as he still needed to be able to communicate, Tano had to concentrate on holding the rest of his shape steady while he split his arms into four separate limbs. Next, he stretched each limb so that he could extrude a digit into all four holes at once, just in case Esskale was wrong and one or more of the needles was magically trapped.

Thankfully, however, his caution was unwarranted, and there was a satisfyingly loud click when Tano depressed the mechanisms on all four sides simultaneously. "I don't suppose we know if there are any traps inside?"

Birch and Esskale both shook their heads.

"Very well. We'll just have to go for brute force and ignorance, then." Tano reformed his right arm into a giant mallet and shifted the majority of his mass into it, making it as dense as possible. When he was ready, he looked at Birch. "On three, remove the lid and hit the floor. You count."

Birch nodded and got into position while everyone else took shelter behind the pillars ringing the outside of the room.

"One. Two. Three!"

Birch was fast - they flung the lid aside and hit the floor almost before Tano had time to react. Angry red light erupted from the box as the object inside - a diamond-studden diadem - battered Tano's will with magical compulsion, demanding that he put it on.

A split second later, his "fist" made contact, triggering a blinding flash of light.

Time slowed to a crawl as voices around him cried out in pain. Tano collapsed like a puppet whose strings had been cut as a vast, overwhelming Power wrapped itself around his soul and tried to take him along with it as it was dragged back into the void. There was a moment of unbearable tension, then something snapped. The god howled its outrage directly into Tano's mind, lashing out with its remaining strength.

So this is how it happened, then. He'd always thought he'd die in the line of duty.

And then Tano was back in his body, and there was no room for thought. No room for anything but pain. Endless, excruciating waves of pain as magic coursed through every atom of his being.

Tano screamed and blacked out.

* * *

He came to lying on the temple's cold stone floor.

The cleric (Galen? No. Gallen.) was kneeling beside him, holding his wrist. "He has a pulse!"

Tano started shivering violently.

"Your cloak," Gallen snapped at Lorek.

Lorek removed his cloak, looking away in embarrassment as he draped it over Tano.

It was only then that Tano realized that he was naked. His head swam as he was assailed by unfamiliar sensations - cold, discomfort, pain. Dear gods the pain. Instinctively, he tried to shift forms, bring his "clothes" back, only to find a void where his magic once had been.

"Hurts," he gasped.

Esskale frowned and looked at Gallen. "It's not a spell."

The cleric looked as baffled as Tano felt. "There's nothing wrong with him," he protested. "At least not that I can feel."

Tano grit his teeth against the pain he apparently wasn't having. "What. Happened."

Birch leaned over him, eyes wide with wonderment. "You're... human."

Fuck.

Lorek must have carried him out, because Tano didn't remember the trip back.

He woke up in the Duke's palace in a large feather bed, feeling only moderately like death, which was admittedly an improvement. When Tano groaned and forced his eyes open, he saw Doctor Banu - a gnome who had served as the Duke's personal physician for many years - sitting by the side of his bed.

"Ah! You're awake!" Banu exclaimed, his weathered, brown face crinkling into a smile that made him look like a dried apple.

"It--" The inside of his mouth felt strange. Why didn't it want to form words? "It wasn't a dream."

"No." Banu shook his head and handed him a glass of water. "Now drink that."

Tano drained the entire glass and discovered that apparently, human mouths were supposed to be significantly more moist than the outer portion of their epidermis. Gross. "I'm human now?"

"Yes," Banu said calmly.

Tano levered himself upright, wincing at the strange sensation of stiffened joints protesting the movement. He looked down at his hand, which looked as it always had, but when he rubbed his knuckles he could feel skin sliding over bone that had never been there before. When he raised a hand to his neck, he was unnerved to feel the steady beat of a pulse against his fingers. The shock of it provoked a sudden intake of breath, something that happened without Tano's conscious direction.

It was... disconcerting.

Disturbing if he was being honest with himself.

His "human" form had always been a gelatinous shape with no structure, a shape he'd held his entire life and that he'd learned to move as humans did without having to consciously think about it. But now he had all these... bits. Hard bits, and squishy bits, and liquid-y bits. And this was his life now, these bits, because he'd never change his shape again.

Tano eyes stung, and it took effort to force words around the sudden obstruction in his throat. "I chose a side," he croaked. "And now I'm being forced to live with that choice." There was the feeling of wetness on his cheek, and he raised his hand to discover that the stinging in his eyes had been tears.

Doctor Banu sighed. "How are you feeling physically?"

"Physically." Tano wiped his eyes and attempted to take an inventory of the bewildering array of sensations he was experiencing. "There is... pain in my midsection," he said slowly, placing a hand over his lower abdomen. "Something is... moving. Rumbling? And my head hurts."

"You're hungry, then," Banu said. He hopped down out of his chair. "Why don't you get dressed while I fetch us a meal." He patted a stack of clothing at the end of the bed, then added more delicately, "roominess is a matter of personal preference, so I've left you several options."

Then, with that baffling comment, Banu left and Tano was alone.

* * *

He discovered what Banu had meant when he was struggling to wrestle his irritatingly floppy new genitals into a pair of smallclothes without damaging himself. Once he'd gotten into them, he wasn't sure he cared for the feeling of having his genitals held so tightly, but supposed it might be better than the feeling of... dangling.

How did humanoids deal with all of this?

Banu found Tano waiting in the suite's sitting room when he returned several minutes later carrying a stack of books. A servant trailed along behind him with a tray of food, which was set on a table by the fireplace. Banu thanked the servant before waving Tano over to join him.

"I figured it was best to start with simple foods, since you've never had to digest anything before." Banu said as he sliced into a freshly-baked loaf of bread. An aroma filled the air that caused Tano's stomach to growl alarmingly. "If you don't have any trouble with bread, butter, and cheese, you can move onto exploring more complex fare."

Banu slathered butter onto a thickly cut slice, then handed it to Tano, who regarded it dubiously. He'd pretended to eat often enough to be familiar with the mechanics of it, but he wasn't thrilled about the idea of having to do it several times a day. It seemed so much less efficient than simply absorbing one's nutrients.

Banu leveled Tano with a flat stare. "Eat."

Tano scowled and bit into the bread, only to find himself arrested by a welter of new sensations -  he'd had no idea that the experience of food had more dimensions than flavor. Apparently there was also texture, and temperature, and... other things he was sure he wouldn't be able to pin down until later. He chewed slowly and swallowed, but was too tired to form an opinion as to whether he actually enjoyed it.

The pair ate in silence until Banu judged Tano had had enough. "No sense in making yourself sick. You'll learn how to tell when you're hungry and when you're full with trial and error. Now." Banu hopped down from his chair and gestured for Tano to follow him. I'm going to show you some things, and then you're going to do some reading."

Banu took him to the baths, where Tano received twenty minutes of humiliatingly thorough instruction on defecation, urination, and proper genital hygiene. Tano's face was burning hotly by the time Banu was done, which the doctor assured him was a perfectly normal reaction to embarrassment. Yet another tiny betrayal of this new biology.

When they were finished, they returned to what were apparently Banu's personal quarters. "You'll stay with me tonight, just in case you get ill or experience any other alarming symptoms. If you feel alright in the morning, I don't see why you can't go home and return to duty, so long as you take it easy." Banu gestured to the stack of books that he'd brought. "These are for you. I want you to start with the one on top and read the marked chapters before you go to sleep. The others are for later, as you have time."

With that, Banu retired to his room.

Tano sighed and opened the top book to the first marked chapter, and...

No. No. Absolutely not.

He slammed the book shut, his cheeks blazing so hot that it was actually painful. Bad enough that eating and... elimination were apparently mandatory. Sexual gratification, however, wasn't necessary for survival, and he'd be damned if he'd give into mammalian biological imperative! This new existence was already enough of a curse without getting into the disgustingly messy business of copulation.

Thus resolved, Tano set aside the first book and picked up the second.

* * *

Unaccustomed to the different bodily signals of needing rest, Tano fell asleep by the fire and woke up with a horrible pain in his neck from sleeping at an odd angle.

It was time to sleep in a bed, apparently.

Grumbling, Tano rose, stretched, and retired to the suite's guest room, where he stared in bewilderment at the bed. He'd still been naked when he woke up - had that been a matter of custom, or expediency? Tano knew that humanoids were generally very fussy about nudity, but the idea of getting into bed with all his clothes on seemed uncomfortable. Finally, he settled for removing everything but his smalls, got into bed, and fell asleep as soon as he'd pulled up the covers.

* * *

He didn't wake again until morning, opening his eyes to see weak pre-dawn sunlight streaming through the window over his bed. Was he still tired? He couldn't tell.

He knew vaguely that different humanoid subspecies had different sleep requirements. Stake-outs with Ennrian had taught him that elves required only an hour or two of semi-conscious meditation per night. How much sleep did humans generally require? He should have asked.

Tano flopped from his side onto his back and grimaced at an unexpected... chafing in his smallclothes. He blinked and threw back the covers, making a noise of dismay at what he saw - there seemed to be something wrong with his penis. It had swollen overnight to approximately twice the size it had been the previous evening. When he prodded at it tentatively at it through his smalls, it was stiff, rather than soft, and distressingly sensitive.

Tano pulled down the waistband of his smallclothes to investigate further and was alarmed when his penis actually sprung upright. Not only had it increased in girth and length, but it was also discolored. His normally tawny brown skin was flushed a dark berry red, with the head of his phallus nearly a dark purple.

Tano pulled his smallclothes back on, threw on a shirt, and went to knock on Doctor Banu's door in a panic. "Doctor. Doctor."

There was the sound of scrambling before Doctor Banu threw open the door. "Yes? What is it? What's wrong?"

"There's something wrong with my..." Tano's face flushed, and he found himself struggling for the least humiliating term. "Reproductive member."

The professional mask slipped a bit as Banu sighed with distinct annoyance. "Describe," he said shortly. When Tano did so, he shook his head with distinct irritation. "You didn't read those chapters, did you?"

Tano grit his teeth. "No."

Banu crossed his arms. "Tano, I told you to read them for a reason."

Tano shifted uncomfortably. "Well I didn't, so now I'm..." He trailed off, uncertain how to finish the sentence, and shrugged unhappily.

The elderly gnome exhaled noisily. "Well. I'm going to explain what's happening, and then I'm going to go back to bed and you're going to read those chapters. That's an order."

Tano nodded grudgingly.

To his credit, Banu got his professional doctor's mask back in place. "What you're experiencing is perfectly normal. It's customary for people with penises to get erections when sleeping."

Tano made an unhappy noise. "Then, what do I--"

"Read. The. Chapters. All of them, from start to finish. And if I don't think you've read them when I get up, I will quiz you. Publicly."

Tano's ears were burning now, as well as his face. "That won't be necessary," he ground out. "Thank you, Doctor."

Banu didn't quite slam the door in his face.

Chagrined, Tano returned to his room and grudgingly started reading.

He'd been familiar with the mechanics of humanoid reproduction, of course. It was hard to be an officer of the City Watch without being made aware of the mechanics - a not-inconsiderable part of the job involved stopping people from having sex in places where sex was not supposed to be had. But the book contained more than just biological explanations and colorful diagrams. There was also an entire chapter about safety, and another about consent.

Which Tano could reluctantly see the sense of. If one was going to engage in sexual activity, it was only rational to desire that one had an understanding of how to do so in a respectful fashion that didn't harm others. The chapter after that, however, was devoted to pleasure, and opened with a fairly rhapsodic introduction to the joys of self-pleasure in particular.

"Absolutely not," Tano muttered.

He returned to the book on nutrition, and was relieved to discover that his "erection" had gone away on its own by the time Banu woke up.

* * *

After a final examination, Doctor Banu provided Tano with one of the plain City Watch uniforms Tano had always imitated.

Others had been sent to the very small, very plain room he rented in a boarding house not far from Watch headquarters. As comfort had never previously been a concern, he'd just needed a place to keep his things and to have privacy when he went inert at night. Was he going to have to reconsider that arrangement now?

The reaction of the officers on duty when he arrived was embarrassingly effusive. Tano stoically endured the concern of his officers as best he could, reassuring them that he was fine but refusing to answer any of their more personal questions. Finally, Ennrian dispersed the crowd, telling them all to get back to work.

"My thanks, Captain," Tano muttered to his second-in-command.

"Any time, sir." Ennrian gave him a small smile. "We're all glad that you're alright."

Tano cleared his throat uncomfortably. "I don't suppose you'd be able to catch me up on what I've missed?"

"Of course, sir."

Ennrian was an eminently capable second, but there was still a lot of paperwork that needed Tano's personal attention, it seemed. Tano worked at it with a will until his stomach started to complain, prompting the realization that lunch was yet another problem that he'd now have to solve every day.

Thankfully, Ennrian didn't laugh when he asked for her opinion on the best place to get something that would keep him full without challenging his digestion.

* * *

The weight of everyone's unspoken curiosity got to be too much by mid-afternoon, so Tano excused himself to go out on patrol. He was due to make himself seen at The Drunken Lord anyhow - it had been days, and Karchak needed to know that Tano was still alive and kicking. The gods only knew what nefariousness that odious little weasel had gotten up to in his absence.

As he passed by the new cafe just up the block from Karchak's tavern, Eldreth - the owner - smiled prettily at him and waved. She was his equal in height (notable, as Tano was a tall man), with generous curves, long black hair, and greenish skin that spoke to at least one orc grandparent.

Tano had been aware of Eldreth's interest in him before (she was hardly subtle about it), which had previously been a fact without any emotional resonance. But now, in this new body with its biology and reactions, her interest became a lot more real, very compelling, and... completely overwhelming. His cheeks were warm as he waved dazedly back, then immediately tripped over his own feet.

Eldreth's smile widened.

Tano made the mistake of dropping his gaze and immediately found his attention caught by the way her low-collared bodice and full skirt emphasized her ample figure. He was alarmed to experience a sudden rush of heat between his legs, and the feeling of his pulse throbbing in his swelling penis.

His blush deepened as he looked away and hurried off.

Despite his best efforts to focus on patrolling, his thoughts remained fixated on the image of Eldreth, and how her bodice had clearly shown the contours of her breasts, which only provoked a further swelling of his rebellious reproductive member.

"Good afternoon, Tano," a familiar masculine voice called out.

Tano looked up to see Karchak standing on the porch of his tavern. His arms were crossed, and there was an unbearably smug smirk on the dwarf's face.

"How are you feeling?" Karchak asked with transparently false concern.

Tano grunted. "I'm afraid that any rumors you may have heard of my demise were greatly exaggerated."

"That's a relief. I'd hate for any harm to befall such an upstanding member of the community," Karchak drawled, an unpleasant gleam in his green eyes as he dropped his gaze momentarily to Tano's crotch.

Tano had been fairly certain his erection wasn't visible through his heavy uniform jacket, but he couldn't resist looking down to check. He realized too late that he'd given himself away when he looked back up to see Karchak laughing at him.

Tano retreated back to the Watch station.

He found it difficult to settle back into work upon his return.

Even once his member returned to normal, there was a bewildering array of processes that he couldn't stop being aware of. The expansion and contraction of his chest, once an imitated habit meant to put humans at ease and now a biological necessity. Blinking, as apparently one's eyes were another body part that needed to remain moist. To say nothing of his first experience of defecation, which had been unpleasant.

When he had at last managed to focus on something, he was only able to maintain that focus for an hour or so before pain in his neck and shoulders pulled it away again. Tano had previously observed that humanoids seemed to dislike remaining stationary, so he sat up to roll his shoulders, causing an alarmingly loud noise. The noise was accompanied by the bizarre feeling of something... no, several somethings popping in succession inside his neck.

Tano had a furious debate with himself before calling in Ennrian to awkwardly describe what had happened and ask if he needed to be concerned.

To his profound relief, Ennrian did not smile. "Yes, I can imagine that would be alarming. Joints popping is one of those things so normal that you sort of forget that it happens. Something to do with gas bubbles forming in the fluid around the joints, I believe?"

"Ah. I see." Tano smiled slightly. "Thank you for not laughing at my foolish question, Captain. Remind me to give you a raise."

Ennrian laughed. "The Duke handles our pay, sir," she reminded him. "But the sentiment is appreciated."

Whatever Tano would have said next was interrupted by a loud noise from his midsection. "I had lunch," he complained.

"And now it's nearly dinner," Ennrian replied calmly.

Tano started as he realized she was right, discomfited to see how much time he'd wasted fretting about unfamiliar bodily functions.

"You should go home, sir," Ennrian said firmly. "I can handle things here, and Doctor Banu said we weren't to let you overwork yourself." Her expression darkened when Tano opened his mouth to argue. "You can't get used to ignoring your body's signals, sir. It won't do anyone any good."

Tano gave her an irritated look. "Fine."

He trudged tiredly back to the rooming house, where he shocked the landlady by putting together a plate of food and taking it upstairs. After unlocking his door, he stood in the doorway, staring at the mostly bare, undecorated room, which suddenly seemed as if it belonged to a stranger. Just inside the door was a small table and two shabby padded chairs. Against the far wall was the small, narrow bed. The tiny closet, which had previously been empty, somehow seemed more empty with only a few spare uniforms hanging in it.

The chest of drawers, too, was mostly empty, except for some personal papers. Yet another thing he'd have to rectify soon. He'd need more pairs of smallclothes than the three pairs Doctor Banu had given him. The common-issue Watch boots seemed fine, but he'd need socks. A shaving kit if he wanted to remain clean-shaven. (Not that Tano knew how to shave.)

...all of which was too much to face right now.

Tano sat at his table and choked down his dinner - roast pork and potatoes with stewed vegetables - because he had to. As he ate, the terrible grief he hadn't given himself space to feel clawed its way into his chest.

He'd never change again.

When he was finished eating, he stumbled to the bed and had another first. He wept.

* * *

That night, Tano dreamed.

He was standing in the Duke's study with Doctor Banu and Eldreth. His member was fully hard, and Eldreth was rubbing his erection with the flat of her palm while the three of them made incongruous small talk.

When Tano struggled to answer a question about the weather, Banu frowned at him disapprovingly. "You didn't do that reading, did you?"

"I did," Tano protested.

"Then why aren't you initiating sexual intercourse?" Banu snorted impatiently. "You obviously want to, and she's clearly willing."

"It's not proper," was the only argument Tano could muster. "We're in the Duke's study."

Eldreth smiled and increased the pressure of her hand. "I'm sure he won't mind."

* * *

Tano woke with a start to find that he was humping the bunched-up blanket, and that his smallclothes were damp with pre-seminal fluid. Disgusted with himself, he got up, grabbed a wrap, and went to the baths. No one else was using them this early, which was just as well. It was difficult to get himself clean without aggravating his state of sexual excitement, and Tano cursed in rather blistering language about it as he refused to give in to the instinct to gratify himself.

He was just going to have to learn to master these impulses. There was nothing else for it.

Back in his room, he put on the loosest pair of smallclothes that the doctor had given him, hoping that the more relaxed fit would help to avoid unnecessary arousal. He was halfway to Watch headquarters by the time he learned he'd made a critical mistake. His penis and testicles were... dangling. The Doctor had said some people preferred this fit, but why would anyone prefer this?

Tano's treacherous feet took advantage of his distraction, delivering him to Eldreth's instead of his office as he'd intended. Eldreth beamed at him from behind the counter as he walked in. "Tano! What a surprise to see you!"

Telling himself that he was committed now, Tano steeled himself and walked up to the counter. "I... didn't have time for breakfast." He looked up at the menu board behind the counter and blanched at the bewildering array of options. "I'd appreciate some advice on what I should get."

Eldreth happily made some choices for him. Once Tano had paid, she surprised him by joining him at a small table outside, where she kindly told him about what he was having - herbal tea and a scone with jam and butter. Eating was less overwhelming than it had been the previous day, enough that Tano was able to venture opinions about what he was eating, which he was fairly certain was the polite thing to do. Eldreth certainly seemed to enjoy his opinions, if the way she was smiling at him was any indication.

He was nearly finished with his breakfast when Eldreth laughed at something he'd said, leaned forward, and--

--the collar of her dress was definitely much lower than it had been yesterday.

Tano was fully hard in an instant. Cheeks flaming, he stood, tugging down his jacket in the hopes that it would hide the reaction he couldn't control. "Thank you for the meal, and your company," he choked out. "I'm afraid I must get back to my duties. Please excuse me."

He hurried off before she could say anything, completely and utterly mortified, and stomped into the station without making eye contact with anyone. Once he had reached the safety of his office, he closed his door and collapsed into his chair, where he dropped his head in his hands and indulged in a small crisis.

Eldreth was a person. An undeniably lovely, very charming person, who deserved to be seen as more than a collection of sexually titillating body parts. So he most definitely was not going to think about her breasts, or imagine what they looked like naked, and he especially wasn't going to wonder if they were as soft as they looked.

Tano knew that grabbing breasts was a regular part of the sexual act. In the encounters he'd broken up, the grabbees generally seemed to enjoy it when it was something they'd consented to, but he'd never understood what the grabber got out of it. Until now. Because he was hard, so fucking hard that the pulse throbbing in his member hurt, just from thinking about Eldreth's breasts.

What would it feel like to have his erect penis between her breasts?

Tano surprised himself by making a noise - a completely undignified half-whimper, half-moan.

This was madness.

His chest grew tight, and his heart started hammering in his chest. Tano found himself gasping for air like a fish, and for a moment, he considered sending for Doctor Banu before common sense asserted itself. He'd talked enough people through anxiety attacks to be able to recognize one. Tano struggled to follow the advice he always gave, taking long, slow, and even breaths, determined to persevere without any assistance. Finally, after the longest, most miserable hour of his life, his arousal faded, taking his anxiety with it.

* * *

Tano berated himself for his cowardice as he hid in the office for the entire day, unable to face Eldreth. He only left after Eldreth's was closed, heading with some reluctance to The Drunken Lord. That oily toad, Karchak, needed to know he was being watched.

He took his usual seat on the second level, which was the one table with an unobstructed view of the entire tavern. Instead of one of the usual servers, however, it was Karchak who came up to take his order.

"How's Eldreth?" Karchak asked innocently, tossing his long mahogany braid in a fair imitation of the cafe owner. "You looked like you enjoyed your breakfast together."

Tano glared. "She makes me uncomfortable," he surprised himself by grumbling. "In fact, she specifically wore a garment meant to make me uncomfortable. Why would she do that?"

Karchak's answering grin had an unpleasant edge. "Because you liked it."

Honesty prevented Tano from saying that he hadn't. He had in fact liked Eldreth's dress so much that he'd spent an hour hyperventilating in his office about how much he'd liked it. "I'll take the stew," he said, fishing out a silver and leaving it on the table. "The tip is for the server, not you."

Karchak sneered, pocketed the coin, and stalked off.

* * *

The following morning, Tano trudged up to the palace to talk to Doctor Banu, who wasn't particularly helpful - Banu seemed to feel that Tano should "allow" himself to "explore" these deplorable new urges.

He took the long way back to the station to avoid walking past Eldreth's.

That evening at The Drunken Lord, Tano was surprised to see Eldreth come in with several friends. Their party was shown to a table on the first floor that was almost directly under his. When Eldreth took her seat he realized that he had the perfect line of sight to look down the front of her dress. He had been guiltily staring for several seconds when, for some reason, she looked up and saw him.

Eldreth smiled and waved.

Tano blushed and waved back, hoping he hadn't been too obvious about looking at her breasts.

He had been, apparently. While her friends were busy quizzing the server about their options, she held eye contact with him and started sucking obscenely on her index finger.

Tano couldn't breathe. He couldn't fucking breathe.

His face was on fire and his member felt like it was about to explode as he staggered to the washroom, sat on the floor in the corner of the far stall, and had a full-blown panic attack.

What the fuck was wrong with him? Was this what living as a humanoid was like all the time? All of these automatic reactions to things, and the lumps of meat in their skulls making everything go haywire over nothing at all? How was he supposed to do anything but exist entirely at the mercy of these biological urges?

How could he live like this?

He was still crying and wheezing when Karchak opened the door of the stall he was hiding in. "What are you doing?" Tano blustered, pulling his knees up to hide his shame.

It was humiliating having Karchak, whom Tano usually towered over, look down at him with such naked pity. "Look at you. You're a mess."

Tano couldn't argue with that.

Karchak grunted as he clearly came to a decision of some sort. "Well. Looks like it's up to me to get you straightened out."

The ludicrousness of that statement provoked a bark of laughter from Tano. "Why in the seven hells would you help me?"

Karchak's lip curled. "Because it's not fun beating you if you can't catch me."

"I always catch you," Tano shot back.

"Right now you couldn't catch a cold."

Dammit. He was right. Tano sniffled and angrily wiped his eyes with his sleeve. "What's it going to cost me?"

"Your suffering is more than payment enough."

Karchak... wasn't lying. Wasn't even trying to lie. "Fine," Tano finally spat. Whatever Karchak was going to do couldn't possibly be any worse than how he felt right now.

"Fine," Karchak echoed. He jerked his head toward the exit. "Go to the store room. I'll meet you there in a few minutes."

Tano knew the way - he'd hidden there plenty of times. He made it there without anyone seeing him, then paced as he tortured himself by thinking about the look on Eldreth's face as she'd mimed sucking his member. How she'd made it very clear that she liked him looking at her breasts, and she wanted him to do more than just look.

Karchak came in a few minutes later and locked the door behind him. "There. Now we'll have some privacy."

Tano's heart felt like it was about to hammer its way out of his chest. "How... what do--"

"Listen," Karchak interrupted gruffly. "I'm sure the doctors gave you books full of human nonsense and sentimentality, but the simple truth is this: nature has engineered us so that sex is one of the most pleasurable activities humanoids can indulge in, because if it wasn't we wouldn't bother propagating our various species."

Tano considered this, then nodded slowly. That honestly made a lot more sense to him than Banu's platitudes about love, pleasure, and 'humanoid connection'. "So I'm just supposed to be a slave to my biology then?" he asked wearily.

"Hardly." Karchak gestured at the erection that was visible even through Tano's uniform jacket. "This is like an itch. If you scratch it, it will go away."

"And... how..."

Karchak's smile was sweetly poisonous. "Do you want me to show you?"

Tano sighed and surrendered to the inevitable. "Yes. Please."

To his surprise, Karchak just nodded. "Take off your jacket."

After a moment's hesitation, Tano removed his jacket and folded it neatly.

"Now sit with your back against that crate."

Again, Tano complied, hating how the new position made the thick ridge of his erection starkly visible through his pants.

Karchak removed his belt and tunic, revealing an expanse of broad, thickly muscled arms and shoulders, with a belly that spoke to real strength rather than muscles for vanity's sake. His chest was covered with thick, brown curls that trailed down below the waistband of his pants, and his arms were covered with geometric dwarven tattoos.

He surprised Tano by sitting astride his lap.

"I'm going to give you your first orgasm," Karchak said calmly as he removed Tano's belt and started to unbutton his pants. He smirked when he pushed them open and saw the wet spot on his smalls. "Oh you have it bad, don't you," he purred as he rubbed Tano through the fabric, just as Eldreth had in his dream.

Much to his embarrassment, Tano whimpered. When Karchak smirked, Tano grabbed the dwarf's wrist. "This isn't just about the game, isn't it?" he asked hotly. "You're going to hurt me."

Karchak shook off his grip. "It's not just about the game, but no. I'm not going to hurt you."

Tano's heart was racing again as he was gripped by fear and... excitement, which prompted more fear. "I don't believe you."

Instead of looking insulted, Karchak just rolled his eyes. "Come on, Tano. You know when I'm lying to you. You always know."

Tano blinked. "I... I do."

"Am I lying to you now?" Karchak asked impatiently.

Shit. Fuck. Shit. "No. But why--"

The dwarf rolled his eyes again, grabbed Tano's hand, and put it on his own crotch. Tano was shocked to feel firmness where he had expected something soft.

"Wait. You're..."

"Yes." The 'you idiot' was left unspoken, but still clearly audible. "What can I say? I've always had a weakness for men with a rugged face and a big dick."

Tano didn't know what to say to that at all.

Karchak smiled smugly as he pulled down the waistband of Tano's smalls and wrapped his hand around Tano's achingly hard member. He pulled down on Tano's foreskin, exposing the engorged head of his penis, then slowly pulled back up, and it was the best thing Tano had ever felt in his life. Karchak paused for a moment, then did it again, and Tano shuddered with pleasure as his entire world became the feeling of his penis in Karchak's hand, and nothing else.

"Gods, look at you," Karchak said huskily. "You're not thinking of Eldreth at all right now, are you?"

Tano was appalled to realize that he wasn't.

Karchak's own erection was now as visible through his pants as Tano's had been, and his expression sharpened when he saw the direction of Tano's gaze. "Do you want to see?"

Tano nodded. Gods help him, he did want to see it. Was aching to see it.

Karchak opened his fly, pushed down his smalls, and for a long moment both of them just stared.

Tano's experience with erect penises had previously been limited to asking their owners to put them away. He'd never bothered forming an opinion about any of these errant penises, but Karchak's... He couldn't have said why, but he felt drawn to it. It was shorter than his own, but significantly thicker, with a slight upward curve.

Tano badly wanted to touch it, even though every part of him was screaming that this was a mistake. "I don't understand," he mumbled. "I don't love you, and you definitely don't love me. So why..."

"Am I doing this?"

Tano gulped. Nodded.

Karchak smiled venomously and stroked Tano again with sensuous slowness. "Because I can't fucking stand you."

"F-fuck," Tano gasped, suddenly understanding exactly what Karchak meant. "Sh-show me then." He knew he'd lost a point for asking, but he didn't much care.

"You know, the better an orgasm is, the clearer your head will feel when it's done."

Karchak still wasn't lying, and Tano couldn't deny that he was eager to find out what could feel even better than he did right now. "Alright, then. Wh-what..." he gasped and was unable to finish the sentence when Karchak swiped his thumb through the liquid leaking from the head of his member.

"It's good when someone does it for you, but it's better when you do it together," Karchak explained as he pulled a vial out of his pocket and poured oil into Tano's hand.

Tano swallowed and wrapped his hand around Karchak's erection. It was hot, and thick, and Tano could feel Karchak's pulse in the thick veins that ran along its length, which he found surprisingly exciting. When Tano tentatively stroked him, Karchak bucked into his hand. "That's it," he groaned. "You touch that fucking cock."

Tano made a sour face. When Karchak laughed at his reaction, Tano stroked him again to shut him up.

Karchak moaned and let go of Tano, who made an indignant noise. He would have retaliated by letting go of Karchak if the other man hadn't stopped him. "No way," the dwarf said challengingly. "You're all of thirty seconds from busting a nut."

Tano frowned. "What--"

"Vulgar human slang for ejaculation." Karchak explained, grinning as he fondled Tano's testicles. "These are nuts."

"That's disgusting," Tano grunted, then gasped when Karchak ran his finger up the underside of his penis.

"You don't get to come - to orgasm - until I do, because this is a quid pro quo."

Tano was weirdly reassured by this proof of Karchak's inherently mercenary nature. "Fine."

He resumed stroking Karchak, who moaned. And certainly the other man seemed to be enjoying himself - the twitch and pulse of his member in Tano's hand was proof of that - but he wasn't coming to pieces the way Tano had. So, driven by an instinct he couldn't explain, Tano reached around to grab Karchak's braid at the base of his skull and pull. When Karchak responded by making a high-pitched keening noise, Tano dropped it with a startled yelp.

"Well don't fucking stop!" Karchak snapped.

Tano resumed tugging on Karchak's braid, earning a louder repetition of his previous sound. And... fuck there was something so gods-damned arousing about seeing Karchak like this. His enemy, a man he'd loathed for years, turning to putty with his penis in Tano's hand. Tano's own member throbbed painfully as it protested its untouched state, but he clenched his teeth, refusing to give Karchak the satisfaction of begging to be touched again.

He experimented with technique until Karchak gasped and started to tremble. "Fuck, that's it."

Tano chuckled. "You know, I didn't think you'd be this easy."

Karchak's eyes snapped open and his nostrils flared angrily. "I'm sorry, but you are definitely easier than I am," he growled. He poured more oil into his hand before pushing Tano's hand out of the way so that he could wrap his large hand around both of them.

Tano all but sobbed at the incredible feeling of Karchak's hand sliding along his length, even as their hard penises... their hard cocks rubbed against one another. (Karchak was right in his choice of words - this was too degrading to be described in clinical terms.)

"That's what I thought," Karchak declared as Tano threw back his head back and almost cracked his head open on the corner of the crate.

Tano could only moan and gasp for breath. He was hot, far too hot, and his heart was pounding. And then every muscle in his body clenched at once as he was hit with a pure, unadulterated pleasure that coursed through every fiber of his being. A moment later, his balls twitched convulsively, and he spurted a hot, milky liquid all over himself.

Karchak was groaning and rutting against Tano's cock, and then he, too, spent fluid all over them both before collapsing away from Tano onto the floor, rather than forward into Tano's arms. Which. Good. Even after what they'd just shared, Tano was honestly still repulsed by the idea of anything resembling intimacy with the little weasel.

"Fuck," Tano groaned. "That was..." The words that immediately sprang to mind were 'life-changing'. But he discarded the thought as soon as he'd had it. His p-- his cock was already softening, and clarity was returning, which was such a fucking relief that Tano barely kept himself from laughing. "Is it always this messy?"

Karchak did laugh. "Not a whit of sentiment," he wheezed. "Never change." He sat up and pulled a cloth out of his pocket, which he used to clean himself up before handing it to Tano. "Yes. It usually is."

There was silence as they both put themselves back in order.

Finally, Tano couldn't stand it anymore. "So. This doesn't mean..."

"Of course not," Karchak snapped. "I can't fucking stand you."

"Believe me, the feeling is mutual!"

Karchak's jaw clenched and unclenched. "This changes nothing." And there it was - the first lie. But a lie to himself, just as much as it was a lie to Tano.

Tano leaned forward, grabbed Karchak's beard, and tugged lightly. "I wouldn't say that," he said softly. When Karchak's lips parted with undeniable interest, Tano smirked and let him go.

"It doesn't change anything emotionally," Karchak spat, green eyes blazing. "You're still the fucking worst."

"High praise coming from you," Tano replied, smiling sweetly.

Karchak smiled right back. "You know, hate fucking is even more intense."

Tano blushed right up to his hairline.

"Come back when you've gotten tired of your hand, and I might deign to show you," the dwarf said with a triumphant smirk before turning to unlock the door. "You can see yourself out."

- - -

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