The Interview.
by
Angharad.
I'm a lecturer in Environmental Science at a sixth form college, my job is to try and get my students through A/S levels and able to apply for university depending upon the results. I'm a post op transsexual having surgery when I was eighteen and hormones from about twelve when I also had a bilateral orchidectomy. It was all done in Belgium because we temporarily lived there for a couple of years. The UK was still in the Dark Ages as far as gender surgery was concerned and it seems to have slipped even further back since things like the Cass report happened. I'm back in the UK now, I'm thirty and I'm legally female. I live in stealth and as far as I know my employers don't know my history. To avoid trouble I avoid anything to do with gender problems that my students may have, referring them on to the student Counselling and Health Service. I've not noticed any transsexual students per se, but we do have the odd gender fluid one in the college though not on my course.
One Friday, I went in as usual expecting to do my normal paperwork, this time preparing them for a week of fieldwork the next week. It was going to be heavy because we had a lot to get through in order to make the most of their time in the field. It's all local and we're lucky it's on the edge of the town, so we have several sites we can use, mainly because I have actually gone and talked to farmers and park owners into allowing us to do so. We only do the site for a day, then move on to another the next. I have even talked the local water company into allowing us to study one of their sewage processing plants, and we also have an industrial estate another day where we examine the effect of industry on a small stream that flows through.
I like to think it's a good course and they should be able to follow on with university studies without too big a change in level afterward.
I got to my office expecting to grab a cuppa and plunge into my plans for next week and the field work, so I wasn't very happy about having someone disrupt them. It came in the form of Emma who is the general dogsbody in the science department and does all our admin and secretarial support. She is an absolute wonder and worth twice the money that they pay her, but we won't go there.
"Jenny, can I speak to you a minute?"
"If you bring me a cuppa you can have two, but I have loads to do as you know."
She pulled a face, I knew she had loads to do as well, but she is so good. She came back five minutes later with the tea and biscuit, so I knew it must be important if she was resorting to bribery this early.
We sat down and she said, "I have just had a call from Colin, he's got a very distressed student with him and wonders if you could advise him."
"Why me, just because I'm his boss? Is the student male or female?"
"I suspect female," she replied.
"Oh so it's women's stuff again?" Why does this happen, I don't know any more about periods or pregnancies than Colin, though he doesn't know that does he, and I hope he never does find out.
I dialled Collin's number and he answered it in two rings, so he must have been sitting on the phone. "Oh thank goodness, the cavalry has arrived. I've got a student, one of ours for next week; she's very distressed and won't tell me what it's about but has requested talking to another woman. She's sitting in Diane's office having a cuppa. Can you advise me? I've suggested the student health clinic but she doesn't want to go, says it's too personal."
"Won't she talk to Diane?" I asked, Diane was our technical assistant, in her twenties and very attractive with a lovely approach to the kids and to life generally, not a drama queen like me.
"I think she'll only talk to you, as head of department."
"But I'm trying to get these schedules done for next week or nobody will know where they are."
"I know you're busy, Jen, but please this girl was really upset."
"Damn! Okay I can give her a few minutes, but if she pisses me about she'll regret it. See you in five."
"I'm off to Colin's office to sort this out, if anyone calls tell them to try again on Monday week. I'm out of the office all next week." I said to Emma.
"Of course your week of jollies," she said back.
"If you think that I'll make you come next time, and we'll do all sorts of messy things."
"No, you won't you're more girly than I am," and then mimed me flapping because my hair was getting wet. I poked my tongue out like any responsible and mature adult and went off in search of this student who was having a crisis.
I found our distressed student in Diane's office pulling herself together and using up all Diane's tissues. "Oh, there you are, Jen, just in time before I run out of tissues."
I rolled my eyes at her welcome and pointed at the student and she nodded. "Hello, I'm Dr Jennifer Hudson, but you already know that I suspect; how can I help you and why couldn't Diane?"
It took the student a few moments to stop hiccupping after her crying episode. "I don't want any of this recorded, it's too personal."
"I think that depends on what it is, but if it means you or anyone else is in physical danger or something illegal is happening, I'm duty bound to report it to the appropriate authorities, and that is a legal requirement, so I don't have an option." She nodded, "I don't think any of that applies."
"Okay, so what's this all about? And why me?"
"I heard you replying to a question on transgender bans in America, you certainly knew more about it than the enquirer."
"I think the enquirer was trying to get a debate started which would have been detrimental to any transgender students here and I closed him down as quickly as I could. Most of his argument would have been spurious if not libellous and sounded like he got all his information from social media, much of which is total hogwash."
"I know," she said and I regarded her more carefully. She was wearing what I assumed were ladies' clothes and her bust was rather small, her hips looked quite narrow for a woman and a cold shiver ran down my spine. "I'm trans." She said quietly. Oh shit.
"Shouldn't you be talking to a doctor or psychologist or proper counsellor about this? I'll certainly help all I can but I'm better with Cladocera or Copepods."
She laughed, "I know, I've heard you lecturing on water fleas and cyclops and other things aquatic, but I suspect you know more about trans things than you've admitted, I'll bet you have or had a friend who was trans and you helped them."
"Okay I admit I've known the odd trans person, no students, but that doesn't make me an expert. I'm sure there are better people to help you than me. If you want to come out to the college I'll help there, but otherwise, I'm not sure I can."
"I've been living a double life, being a male in college and female in my own time, but it's all got too much and I need to live as a woman now."
I was wondering what to say in reply. I'd dealt with all this shit years ago, don't I deserve to just carry on with my life as best I can? I feel sorry for her, knowing it can be a very lonely place to be in, but there are resources out there, just not enough or good enough to enable me to shift her over to them. "Go ahead, I'll get your name and status changed, you look quite good as female, I'll also refer you to student health and hopefully they can refer you to someone who deals with all this. I'm aware just from articles in the Guardian, that it all takes ages and I suspect you're in a hurry. If your parents have plenty of cash going private is much quicker."
"I'm taking hormones, I get them off the net."
"Could be dangerous, it needs medical supervision and assessment."
"Why, don't you think I'm really trans?"
Oh boy, ask an easy one why don't you? "I believe that you think you are and that's all that matters, There are experts out there who can help you."
"Why can't you say if you think I'm a woman, you are one yourself, aren't you?" She asked in a stronger but still light voice and the red lights started flashing in my head, get off this as quick as you can but don't make it too obvious.
"Look, I know how important and personal all this is but I have schedules to sort for next week." Then I suddenly thought, they're all coming to the college on Monday morning to get them, I could do this at home tonight or over the weekend and have more time so less rush and less mistakes - possibly. I had another thought, "Do you like tuna?"
"I suppose, why?"
"Diane, could you get me two tuna salad rolls?"
She came in muttering about what my last slave died of and held out her hand for some money. I gave her a fiver and off she went still muttering. I didn't quite understand why this young woman, I'll give the benefit of any doubt, couldn't have talked this over with Diane. I asked her, at least that way I might learn something.
"Why didn't you want to discuss this with Diane, she's more your age group than I am?"
"I think you would have more authority so would be able to help more, unless this is something you don't accept and your remarks the other day to that imbecile who obviously supports Trump and the antitrans movement, were very supportive of trans people."
"Okay, I support people who feel they are another gender but that's in theory, you are talking practical here. I can authorise you changing your gender and attending as female to your course but we will need the opinion of a medical professional who also supports your need to do so." I thought I'd better start making some notes on this in case it comes back to bite me on the bum. I asked her if she was agreeable to me doing so. She nodded.
I found a pad and used the ball point I was carrying having been using it a few moments before I walked into this crisis. "Could I have the name you are registered on the course, in other words your legal name. I'm sorry if this is uncomfortable but we have to pursue protocols or those against will find legal reasons for interfering which I'm sure neither of us needs?" she nodded agreement.
"My legal name is Andrew Roberts." I wrote it down.
"What is your preferred name?" she blushed and I almost did too, this was far too familiar a memory for me.
"Fiona Roberts, I don't see a need to change my surname as everybody will soon know of my changeover anyway."
"I'm afraid it tends to be a little obvious, we as a college will do what we can to help you with this but there may be some reaction. It might be a sixth form college but we still have a few Neanderthals attending. I would hope all the staff would be supportive and I think on this course they will be but I can't speak for other departments."
"I understand that, Dr Hudson and expect a certain amount of resistance, Homophobes, transphobes, TERPs, born againers and those with their own issues. That is all their problem not mine."
"Fiona, do you mind if I call you that?"
"No, I feel it's my real name and I appreciate you doing so."
"Fiona, I accept your opinion that any problem people have is their own problem, sadly some of them can be quite vocal as well as unhelpful, but they could cause you difficulties as well, things like toilets and changing rooms come to mind, though we have a unisex disabled loo on most floors, we'll have to go for that, I think that's safest. I shall have to involve the principal, we need his support, without it, it will be an uphill struggle." She nodded so I hoped she understood the politics which will be involved - it always come down to politics when you try to do something difficult.
"Are you seeing a doctor or psychologist or counsellor?"
"No."
"What about parents, how do they feel about it or have you not told them."
"They've sort of known for ages, accept that I want to be a girl but are too timid to speak to the doctors."
"Get yourself one post haste, we're going to need a professional opinion as quickly as possible, preferably a medical one, most doctors tend to have an almost inbuilt authority that most non-medics won't challenge, too hard. How is your GP? would he be sympathetic?"
"She might, I haven't seen her for a couple of years." Teenagers, they're either hypochondriacs or so fit they don't need doctors until they start driving, then doctors are useful in putting boy-racers back together again. I heard phrases from Humpty Dumpty and hoped we were more successful.
"Who is your GP?"
"Dr Andrea Livingstone."
"Oh, I know her slightly." I looked her number up on my mobile and rang it. "I'm Dr Jennifer Hudson, could I speak to Andrea Livingstone?"
The receptionist was giving me all sorts of crap, but that's their job. "It's rather urgent", I added quietly.
Suddenly there was a click and heard an educated voice say, "Hello, Andrea Livingstone here."
It had worked, now would the next bit. "Hi Andrea, it's Jenny Hudson from the sixth form college, I need your advice rather urgently on one of your patients, could you see them today if possible?"
"Who is it and what symptoms are they displaying?"
"Severe anxiety and emotional reactions."
"Why is that so urgent, after Covid, loads of youngsters have anxiety. What's his/her name?"
"Andrew Roberts, it is very personal so confidentiality prevents me from discussing this further."
"Why, have they got gonorrhea or got someone pregnant?"
"Andrea, they have a real problem and it will impact their course, so could you see them today?"
"Hell, I was hoping to get off early tonight, tell them to come at six and be prepared to wait a bit, but I'll see them. They aren't suicidal are they?"
"Not at the moment but you know how teens are up and down by the minute."
"I'll see him at six with a bit of luck, bye Jenny."
"Thanks, Andrea, I owe you one." She laughed and rang off.
Diane came back with two brown rolls with tuna salad, I smiled when I saw them Fiona was still somewhat withdrawn but she wasn't crying at the moment. Diane also came in with two teas and left us alone.
"Eat up, put it in your diary as the first and last time I paid for your lunch." she smiled at me but gingerly tucked in. After we'd finished I sent her to Student Health, we'd need them on our side, so I went over with her and told the health support worker what she was there for, said her transition was imminent, hence the rush I mentioned that she was seeing a doctor without qualifying it and left her to it, while surreptitiously discovering that she was intent on transitioning on Monday, the start of our practical week, which is crazy anyway, so one extra thing doesn't make a lot of difference or will it?
The Interview (2)
by
Angharad.
I spoke to the principal about our upcoming event and to be prepared. He was busy so told me to organise it and provided I stuck to college policies, which included diversity and variety, to just get on with it. He'd see the student involved in a couple of weeks. I told him what I'd done and that we were on fieldwork all next week and Fiona was one of the field workers. He told me to do what I could and any dissenters could be warned that they agreed to the policy about Difference and Diversity before we accepted them.
"If they still have a problem tell them to come to me, but they could face expulsion if they really feel so bad about it. We can soon make 'em feel worse."
I liked his sense of humour and he was a true liberal although many students and staff weren't, still, it takes all sorts even the difficult variety who are very conservative and probably frightened of anything beyond their immediate experience, plus the god squad who feel superior to all others and are often conservative and small-minded but not so they can't believe in their god telling them to persecute and punish difference. Some still cause problems with evolution lessons. Such is life. There is also one other group who are just nasty and enjoy spoiling things for other people, especially the vulnerable, and from experience I don't think there are many more vulnerable than transgender people transitioning and especially in the early stages.
I went home and sorted my programmes for the week quite quickly and printed them off. We continue to have the odd one who wants to swap groups because their best friend is in another, or they like the teacher leading a group or whatever. So I was prepared for some disruption but can usually handle it. I had an easy Sunday, bought edibles for my lunches and planned what they would be each day, mainly tuna salad because one tin does two days, and I bought a multipack of three cans. See - fixed.
I went to bed wondering about Fiona Roberts, I put her in my group for the week so hopefully I could prevent any serious damage. I had warned her to see how other girls dress and act during the week, although it was going to be busy. Having thought this through, I went off to bed and slept soundly.
The next morning I was up at six am and made my lunch, packed my camping stove, a kettle with some tea bags and milk in a flask. I could cope with anything, if my tea levels are adequate - I hope.
Our students fill in a form that tells us all sorts of things, including Wellie size. They are expected to bring their own but for some of the exercises they need waders, so we have a selection of those with us. Being a 'freshwater life' nut, I have my own as well as my own hand net and pond dipping net. The college has supplied a couple of field stereomicroscopes and I have one as well, which is mine. I also have my own containers, should we find anything really interesting and then I'll take it home. I have one of my downstairs rooms kitted out like a laboratory with all types of equipment including better microscopes than the college has and several types of glassware and chemicals, like stains for microscopy. Although some of those can be improvised. Blue ink for fountain pens can be used for a methylene blue and red correcting ink can provide eosin stains for microscope specimens. You have to add it carefully, usually drawing under a coverslip with a filter paper, but kitchen roll paper towels work just as well. A coverslip is the very thin glass cover you put over a microscope slide to keep the specimen in place and to stop you getting the objective lens dirty from the specimen - many have been soaked in various preparations beforehand. staining reagents and other equipment can be bought from professional suppliers but are more expensive and usually in quantities that will last years if they don't dry out first.
I had the car packed by eight and was at college by half past. My car is quite roomy and it was packed tight with spare clothes for me, and a few sets of waterproofs, though only I get the Gortex, most of the time I wear a Barbour jacket. We also have a minibus stacked with kit and first aid requirements and so far injuries and assorted mishaps have all been minor and didn't cause angry parents to want to sue us.
We collected in the gym and the various teams or groups were read out and the teacher or Diane leading them stood so people could find them easily. Fiona came to my group and as far as I could see no one was causing her problems. She looked like an ordinary student - female variety, wearing jeans, and sweatshirt underneath a shower- proof anorak thing. A few of the girls were talking to her, laughing and joking and no-one had said anything when I called them to their groups and named her Fiona Roberts. No one had called her by that name officially before and she grinned broadly at me after I called her.
So far so good. One or two boys were looking at her with curiosity written all over them and one seemed to look at her with contempt, the sort you tend to use for wiping dog's mess off a shoe. I asked if everyone had brought everything we had suggested on the handout we'd given two weeks before, things like lunch and Wellies or suitable footwear for paddling in water. We had one or two queries about that but were off on a bus to the first of our sites. In a further fifteen, we were all disembarking or parking our cars at the industrial park and were wandering down to the stream. I had checked the depth the week before.
I addressed the class, "Right, this stream is only half a metre deep and is fairly slow flowing, but you can drown in that depth of water quite easily and goodness knows what chemical waste may be in it. We are going to sample it in four places, just below the outflow and before the reeds, then after the reed bed, after it joins the larger stream and one of you will have to walk up to sample before it comes into the industrial area. Who fancies a walk?"
I reminded them how to take a sample and how to label the specimen. We only needed about a hundred mls and had special bottles for them and waterproof bags to collect them. Fiona and another girl went to do the long walk one.
By lunchtime, we were at site number two and we had lunch before we did our sampling, they had been wearing plastic gloves before so hands were wiped in special wipes with isopropanol before eating. Lunch was half an hour and we started taking samples at the second place. We recorded things like pH and temperature, we would look at the oxygen level of the water back in the lab, it's more complicated and expensive; we'd also look at nitrate and phosphate levels and each student had to write their impressions of each site, the environment, vegetation that sort of things and also they should have noted the substrate of each stream at the site they were sampling, which was essential when we were collecting invertebrates with hand nets, kick sampling the substrate or stream beds to see what we could find. Certain invertebrates tended to indicate how polluted the water or substrate was.
I kept an eye on Fiona and she seemed very friendly with one particular girl, the boys largely ignored her. In fact, the problem isn't usually the girls unless you have a squeamish one who hates getting her hands dirty, or falls into the water - it does happen, by the boys playing the fool and risking either themselves or others. It happens too. If it's stupid enough they be could instantly suspended and thrown off the course. They had been told but hormones overrule common sense in some individuals who have to learn the hard way. We had one such incident.
Some of the more loutish boys were chasing each other and play wrestling near the stream. Now common sense, tells you that such antics threaten at least a ducking if not worse. Now we were where the stream met the river and it was in the latter that two of the boys fell with quite a splash. Two or three of us were in waders as we would be sampling the river and I have never seen Colin move so fast, he had waded into the river and grabbed one of the boys, I was just behind him and grasped the other. They were coughing and spitting as we pulled them out; gone was all the bravado and high-jinks, they were just soaking wet silly little boys and starting to shiver with cold. Denise rushed up with towels but we needed them out of their clothes to dry without just soaking the towels for nothing.
No time for finesse, it was rip their clothing off and get rubbing briskly with the towels, I left it to the male staff and their friends to dry them and we managed to find sufficient clothes for them to be warmly clad again. A cuppa inside them and they were starting to feel warmer. The girls were all jeering and whistling at the soaking boys and once they were dry I read the riot act to everyone.
"You can now see why we tell you that tomfoolery is dangerous, as well as the risk of drowning, there is a risk of swallowing noxious chemicals or bacteria, there is a risk of hypothermia from wet clothing and other physical injury. You can't see what is below the water surface it could be rocks or tree debris, barbed wire or sharp bits of metal. Instead of giving you towels we could have been trying to stem a bleed and calling for an ambulance or the coroner. You seem to have emerged unscathed except for a soaking, however, I will have to report this incident to the principal and he may decide that this course no longer needs you, so he may exclude you from it just before A-levels. Clever aren't you?" they both hung their heads in shame. "Had you knocked others into the river, especially one of the girls, you may have been facing an assault charge, just what you need. I suggest you phone your parents to come and get you because I don't want your stupidity to spread to other boys, it seems to infect them at times anyway."
They walked away and began phoning. I expected to get a mouthful from the parents because their sons can do no wrong, in which case why couldn't they walk on the water and stay dry. Still, what do you call a boy who has matured and behaves, respecting others? A girl.
The surveys continued for the rest of the class, the two miscreants looking rather stupid and feeling sorry for themselves. Eventually, a mother arrived looking not too pleased, they had brought her out of work. Before any adverse comment on the course could be said, I went to her and she asked what happened, so I told her. I asked if she could take both miscreants home as their presence was disrupting the rest of the class. She was shocked but agreed to take them. I also told her that they would need to see the principal and showed her the warning on sheets we gave them and that it was up to the principal whether we excluded them for dangerous behaviour near an obvious hazard, that of the river and that they could have been drowned. I told her that the college held such behaviour as serious and would be dealt with seriously. She went off looking rather pensively.
The rest of the day went rather quietly as if our bit of drama had taken the wind out of any sails. We finished our sampling and collected our labelled specimens together for later lab work. The invertebrates were examined then and there and some were put back into the water, others we kept for clearer identity or other scientific enquiry. As a freshwater ecologist, I was going to be busy when we were back in the classroom or laboratory.
I'd tried to keep an eye on Fiona. She seemed okay and seemed to have one or two friends among the girls. From the way that she was interacting with some they must have known this was coming because those who didn't seemed more surprised by it. I would try to have a quiet word either tonight while we were packing up or first thing tomorrow. I hoped that it was going to be alright but we had to be prepared for the odd hiccup because they will happen, there will almost certainly be the occasional adverse reaction and with luck staff will be around to stop or prevent it.
I was thankful that today's incident hadn't involved Fiona, but there was plenty of time for the forces of ignorance and intolerance to upset things. I hoped I was wrong but I don't think such things happen in real life, but I could hope and wait and see.
Diane approached me as we were packing and remarked on the fact that Colin had earned new respect for wading in after the boys and she said that I'd acted like another man, the speed I'd reacted with. I told her that when I was at university we had a similar incident with a couple of students, but in a faster flowing river. She asked what happened and I told her that one of the students was suspended. "One, what about the other one?" I explained that suspending a deceased student was not usually a viable policy. "He drowned?" I nodded. "Oh Jenny, I'm so sorry." We hugged and both rather saddened went home from an experience we hadn't expected.
I called in at the college on the way home and met with the principal. He told me two sets of parents had been on the phone to him already and he wanted a written report of what happened but before that he asked for me to relate to him the events and circumstances of the day. I did and he asked what I wanted the outcome to be. I wasn't sure, I wanted the boys carpeted as an example, but I didn't want them expelled, the A-levels were too close. However, I didn't want them to think there were no consequences and to point out to the parents there'd be no second chance if they misbehaved again. He agreed and I had known I'd be writing a report tonight, this confirmed it, he wanted it tomorrow. I agreed to email him as soon as it was written tonight. Sometimes I think they don't pay me enough, but then in this age of uncertainty to have a regular job was something worth hanging on to as many schools and universities were shedding them like leaves in the autumn as they dealt with overspends.
The Interview (3)
by
Angharad.
We finished our practical sessions and were analyzing the results which showed how much the local water courses were polluted by both sewage and industrial waste, neither causers of the pollution being interested in resolving it. It seems that standards now don't exist in the UK and people can do as they like. Fiona came wearing the almost uniform of the majority of girls, jeans and sweat shirt or similar top. She wore minimal makeup and we had minimal reaction. The odd student or member of staff muttered under their breath but no calls of abuse were shared aloud. It seemed as if the 'Nine days' wonder', was over and she was just different but tolerated. So things settled down and we got on with concluding our analysis when suddenly the sky fell in.
The Supreme Court, from which one expects a degree of maturity and common sense showed none; they ruled on what constituted being a woman. I admit I was devastated, they had betrayed us, the transgender community, throwing us under the bus to meet with the demands of the rightwing press and influence. We were suddenly non-people and could do nothing that involved using anything that was labelled female only space, so that meant things like public toilets or changing rooms. They didn't say what we supposed to do because their pronouncement was all contradictions and also reneged on the Gender Reassignment Certificate I had, which declared that I was female and to be treated as such. It effectively tore it up.
The TERFs had won, showing that they don't have any compassion because transgender women were now a nothing although it was illegal to discriminate against us unless you were a judge or using their pronouncement, when you could be. It appears that top judges are just as confused as anybody else and seem to be 'bought' by the Nazi lesbians that the TERFs are. I had a think about it and although very depressed because they had just rolled us back twenty years before the gender act was passed, I went in to college to do my job and educate these children and try to get them into university, if that's what they wanted.
The name calling began as soon as Fiona walked in. She hadn't done anything but people were asking about the toilets and not sharing it with a fag or an 'arse bandit', 'shirt lifter' or worse a man. Girls were protesting and the boys just stirred the pot. I tried to minimise the disturbance where one of the girls who had seemed okay before, now asked if Fiona had a dangly bit, so she should go to the boys toilet or stand behind a bush in the car park. There was then increased cheering and jeering and Fiona was in tears. I went to try to low level comfort her but she stood and then ran out of the laboratory sobbing loudly.
The girl who had insulted her, perhaps abused her was sitting laughing and seemed proud of her attack. I wanted to punch her in the face, she so richly deserved it, but as an adult I had to stay in control of my class. I would report her for abusive behaviour but I suspect we'd have her parents complaining and showing the same lack of understanding and intolerance. I was tempted to do everything I could to fail her as a reward for her lack of compassion, but realised that made me as bad as her.
I went in search of Fiona who I hoped hadn't done anything stupid and eventually found her in the disabled loo, sobbing her heart out. What ten days ago seemed to be her dream had been turned into a nightmare by five judges. They had done the same to me but being a sane adult, I had to get on with it. How dare they? If somebody attacks you or kills you, say drops a missile on you for no reason like Russia and Israel do, they would be considered guilty of a war crime, except the United Nations has no balls and doesn't seem to be able to stop them. Perhaps, chucking Russia off the permanent committee would be an effective answer, but that wouldn't stop them assaulting Ukrainians, it seems might is right. I still had some thinking to do on this because arguably the legal system had just demonstrated that cliché to be very correct, just as much as the Orange One in America did. Showing that technology and science may move ever forward but human behaviour is going backwards.
I obviously couldn't go into the loo as well as Fiona but had to try and coax her out, it seemed to take forever, and when I did I couldn't really comfort her. I couldn't explain why people were so horrible to each other, just that they were and the atmosphere at present was for the bullies to win. I hoped for a revolution and we guillotine them in the local park, but that wasn't what I really wanted, I wanted everybody to accept each other and live in peace and harmony. It had about as much chance of happening as energy produced by fission, providing us with cheap power and pissing off the oil companies who have been destroying our lovely planet for a hundred years.
In the end I took Fiona home, she was still weeping and I must admit I felt like joining her. I spoke briefly to her mother but I suspect my explanation lacked coherence but I did manage to say it was fellow student abuse and was based on yesterday's Supreme Court pronouncement. She nodded and I saw tears in her eyes before she went in to comfort her daughter. My final statement was the college would be investigating it, but I suspect they will abandon Fiona to please the loud mouthed bullies who were in the majority. It's the politics of the spineless, but it applies to all levels of institution from parliament down, plus there are some TERFs in many of the institutions who are sharpening their claws. Maybe we do need a revolution, but a peaceful one - yeah, like that's going to happen, more likely to have transgender individuals erased from history. I supposed I had better watch my back, I wonder how I'd look wearing a yellow star on my clothes.
One of the problems in living in stealth is you tend not to keep in touch with possible support groups, I was therefore spending my free time brooding on what would happen next. I knew for certain that no sympathetic god would descend in a chariot and save the day, because he like compassion amongst the bullies, didn't exist. Christianity is something largely missing from so called Christians, it always has been ever since the Church of Rome butchered the opposition sects in the early Mediaeval period. Truth was I couldn't imagine what would happen next, I couldn't believe what had happened so far, so what would happen to Fiona, I hated to think. It was nearly every woman for herself, oh of course I'm not a woman anymore, legally anyway.
Oh well, I think Dickens' quote is appropriate, 'the law is a ass - a idiot.' So thinks Mr Bumble in Oliver Twist.. The quote is best taken with a cuppa, or a stiff drink but I had learned my lesson with alcohol, it has no place in my world, it didn't help when I was a student trying to sort myself out and it wouldn't happen now, it's just a waste of money and can lead to all sorts of disease including liver disease and diabetes as well as losing control. Thinking transgender people never want to lose control, it could expose them, which is now very important because in order to have any form of existence or better life, one was going to have to ignore the law but quietly and remembering the early stages of going out in public, don't look shifty and stay confident and most people won't challenge you.
How we could have a two tier system is baffling to me as I thought the previous method seemed to work for all its faults, except activists always want more, so young men who were quite good at their sport wanted to compete as women and men do have advantages, stronger and heavier bones, bigger muscles and heart and lungs. This is why most women are wary of male predators because men can overpower them and hurt them either physically or mentally. I'm totally with them on that score, being as I thought a weaker female, moderately attractive, I could be attacked and hurt by a larger male, so I didn't put myself at risk if I could help it.
In the late afternoon, I went to see the principal and told him of what happened to Fiona and how the other girl had made such aggressive abuse of her, all verbal because usually girls fight with insults rather than blows, but they can be equally harmful and in Fiona's case they upset her. She was very vulnerable and that girl saw it and struck like a hyena would. I doubly wanted to hit her or better still humiliate her in front of a large group and fail her. The latter would be difficult as she was on the better half of the class. I'd have to wait and see what happens, bide my time so to speak. It didn't make me feel good, in fact quite the opposite but no one could have predicted five fools could destroy the lives of under 9000 people who thought that a piece of paper gave them protection. How wrong could we be?
The principal didn't know what to do and was waiting for guidance from up the foodchain. I said I would go and see Fiona and talk to her and try to talk her into completing the course, she certainly was capable of it. I don't think a university would have too many problems and by then they'd have a system in operation, and they'd still presumably take her.
I phoned and spoke to her mother, she told me Fiona was very distraught at what had happened and when I asked if I could go and see her she didn't sound very confident of Fiona being able to deal with me. I assured her I'd be very gentle and supportive. I went at midday and she was right Fiona was still very distraught.
She wanted to know why it had happened, I wasn't certain but I suggested that a group of women who felt threatened by transwomen had spent years building up to this and had gained some very powerful and wealthy backers. They possibly made a difference otherwise it could have been transwomen in sport that brought it about, now even those who hadn't had a male puberty would no longer be able to compete as it depended on birth sex, which shows how inadequate the thinking of the supreme court judges was. They might be experts on the law, but they didn't have the critical thinking to be scientists, nor were any called to give evidence, in fact, it seems that no transwomen were called even though there are several with qualifications in law, one a judge and several barristers. It was in my view a kangaroo court and I hope is overturned at the European Court of Human Rights, which the Tories have been trying to leave for a number of years. Perhaps right will eventually triumph but right as in correct not politics, the latter are toxic and poison everything they touch, look at the USA for example.
"So I'm a nonperson now am I?" she asked me.
"No you are exactly the same as before and as transgender you are protected."
"As long as I don't want to pee," she said wryly.
"I hope that we'll have some system in operation before very long to minimise any aggro; for now use the disabled ones."
"But I'm not disabled, am I?"she asked.
"No, you're not. This has to be the most ridiculous outcome from a judicial investigation and affects nearly nine thousand people, I'll bet they wouldn't do it on religious grounds because if they looked deeply enough all religions would be lacking a logical base, they're all cons but it would cause riots and people would die. Perhaps we need some mass protests to show how many are affected but then lots wouldn't come because they are in deep stealth and it could give them away."
"So what do I do, Dr Hudson?"
"I think you tough it out, try to be seen as playing ball with the law but ignore the snipes and stupid comments and I shall do my best to stop it. I have reported the girl who was nasty to you, as far as I know she discriminated against you, that is still an offence, so I suspect she's going to have a very uncomfortable time with the principal. He actually supports you but obviously has to watch his own step to be seen as neutral, but he's a nice man and he does want to see you succeed and go on to university or get a job in the environmental department of the council or something like that. Personally, I would recommend university, it gives you greater credibility and usually better pay, which is important."
Fiona agreed to come back the next day and I gave her notes on what she had missed, she seemed appreciative of that. I was in the class and as she walked in and the rumble started. Jane Grant tried to make stupid comments and laughed at them. I stopped the noise by saying when I had studied hyenas on the African savannahs they had sounded incredibly like her. The class then found a new target and she left the room in tears. I left it to see she was alright, she was, she was phoning her mum to say I had humiliated her. She was wrong, if I had humiliated her she didn't have much moral strength and I would point this out to her mother, if she came and complained. They ain't seen anything yet. I can fight with my tongue too and I am cleverer than most of them. If they want to play hardball, I can do the same, I just have to avoid them hiring an investigator and digging too deeply in my past. Hopefully, I've covered my tracks quite well and I transitioned on my bachelor's degree, so even that was presented to Jenny Hudson and a subsequent master's and doctoral degree were the same. I had changed my surname as well as my first name so unless they knew my original one they wouldn't find me easily and I had nothing published until I was a woman.
I felt my comments were justified and as Fiona was an accepted transitioning student and thus recorded as a transwoman, Jane's comments were an offence, as transwomen are still protected against discrimination unless you were a Supreme Court Judge then senility and stupidity may get you off.
The Interview (4)
by
Angharad.
The problem with the ruling of the Supreme Court and its definition of a woman is that its effect is very personal and emotional. I felt very angry and disappointed in the decision but at the same time felt that I would carry on regardless and would treat authority with the contempt it deserved by acting as I had for umpteen years. I had survived before I received a gender certificate and would continue to do so. I looked the part, so unless they knew something about me, they shouldn't suspect I'm anything but female.
The girl who was cruel to Fiona was given a stern warning from the principal about discrimination which would not be tolerated. I entered the classroom, a laboratory and was amazed to see Fiona holding court. She was explaining how transgenderism was not something that could be helped anymore than purely physical attributes, such as eye colour; it happened in the womb before birth so there was nothing the individual could do about it as life would ensure that you dealt with it. How you did depended upon the strength of the compulsion and your circumstances, so some may never need to change anything, others would have to do so as children, it was very variable. In my case it was something that happened in childhood which I wrestled with until university, in an atmosphere that was more comfortable than the present.
I listened to Fiona without saying very much and several students asked me if what she had said was correct. I told them that it was probably the case. One of the more astute girls, a very pretty one, asked why this had happened now and what could she do to help support both Fiona and her friends. Why do they ask such easy questions.
I thought through this very quickly and offered an answer, but said once I had spoken we changed the subject and got back to pondlife and the pollution of waterways. That seemed to satisfy them. I prefixed my response by saying this is a personal response based upon observation for a number of years. I also added, as a woman, my answer may seem slightly biased. I could see the girls all smiling at that.
The country is very misogynistic generally and despite feminists of different hues trying to fight it, the country was just as bad as it ever was. It is also racist and homophobic. I saw some nodding amongst students of colour and some girls. I suggested that it took something like 800 days from a rape being reported until it went before a court and the girl of woman might be destroyed by the experience. So we needed better protection for all women, including transwomen who may have had reassignment surgery and were more vulnerable than cisgendered women because such surgery is probably not as robust as the home-grown variety, so a rape could be as physically devastating as emotionally so, but transwomen were now excluded from women-only refuges, but where they now went was not mentioned.
One of the most effective ways of winning any sort of contest is by divide and conquer strategy, which got Trump another shot at the White House. The sooner you start such a strategy the better it becomes and I had noticed a stirring in the female community for several years. This planted the absurd idea that transwomen only went into ladies toilets to watch women in a state of undress, a form of voyeurism. There was a low level laugh at this and someone asked Fiona if that was why she was transitioning. She denied any such thing.
Absurd as that may seem, I went on, it became quite a widely held belief in parts of America, but then they still believed in the tooth fairy. People were now feeling much more relaxed and seeing how it was all rather silly. I went back to the fact that the transphobia had been building for umpteen years and was being stirred up by social media and rightwing press or political groups, imported from America, the home of the free and all sorts of bigots. It was also a country of very strong misogyny, extremist views and guns.
So we were witnessing a growth of lies and misinformation and disinformation on all sorts of media, but especially social media. Then various groups were being stirred up, the TERFS and other women's groups were misled to believe transwomen were increasing and threatening the woman's movement, a tactic used in the 1960s. Then it was suggested men were having sex-changes to infiltrate the woman's movement. I asked if they could conceive of someone putting themselves through the ordeal of painful surgery and psychological investigation just to infiltrate the local feminist group? I was pleased that they all thought that was absurd. I added that it seems one of the features of minority groups is that they were paranoid to some degree.
Having got the women all worked up, the next thing was to stir up the activists, especially in the trans camp by getting them to compete in sports against biological women. Transwomen had some advantages in bone density and muscle mass but the argument ran and ran for years, working up both camps, the social media increased and all sorts of lies happened on both sides. There was now some bad feeling occurring on both sides and the rightwing groups who were fomenting it clapped their hands in glee.
In America the Republican party labelled the trans people as the cause of all things from Covid to the earthquake of 1906, and laws were passed against trans kids receiving treatment. It was becoming more and more absurd but then, think of the worst case scenario you can and the USA will probably outdo it, as Trump is proving. The foment in this country was also becoming worse with transactivists making all sorts of accusations and the other side doing the same. It was almost like a civil war between two groups who should have been fighting for each other not against each other.
Then well meaning politicians in Scotland tried to make it easier to self declare yourself as trans or indeed female, which pushed the feminists into a frenzy and financed by a well known author they brought a case to the Supreme Court. The Supreme Court ruled in favour of the feminists because that was the way public opinion was leaning, all stirred up by the transphobic rightwing media, which included most newspapers like the Sun or Daily Mail, which both trumpet misinformation almost daily. They don't do news, instead they offer opinion to a readership which they have primed for many years to be conservative, narrow minded and self-interested. The Times and Telegraph are equally devoid of broadmindedness.
The whole thing, in my opinion is a distraction. With common sense both the feminists and transwomen should be seeking more protection for all women, the enemy is misogynistic men who are largely in control of things, including that they tend to earn significantly more than women, are stronger physically and more aggressive. They treat women like chattels or objects, they objectify women's bodies and often trade in older models for new ones, the response from the compliant younger women shows us to be our own worst enemies.
It is my belief that we need to find a solution to this which would be resisted because many men think it is theirs by right and until we educate boys to respect girls and women, we are never going to resolve that many women of all sorts will face a threat by aggressive or sexually aroused males. The factions of the women's groups cisgendered and trans need to unite to deal with this and then we may see fewer assaults on women and suicides among depressed or disillusioned young transwomen, who can't see any way out of their misery or problems because it isn't an NHS priority and waiting lists grow longer by the day. We need to stop the misogyny and take it from there.
I stopped and gave the students a chance to ask questions. The first was asking how I knew so much about transwomen. I was worried that this could arise and I had pre-thought an answer to some extent.
"I have been involved with education for a number of years, I've done three degrees including a doctoral one, so I have known a lot of people over that time including some transwomen and transmen. I have learned lots from them and how they have been vulnerable or suffered at the hands of various groups including macho men to even more macho females who raised the old chestnut of toilets. All women's toilets here have cubicles, so no one can see who's inside unless they climb up those that don't go to the ceiling or look under the doors. Either way, no one can see who's inside.
Changing rooms may be a more realistic complaint but have transwomen change in disabled toilets or have a cubicle system in place. It's not insurmountable but it costs money so governments don't seem interested and also they themselves are often misogynistic, just look at America at both state and national level. There is not enough respect or protection for women and I include transwomen who are statistically one of the most vulnerable of all groups, add in transwomen of colour and you hit the jackpot of vulnerability."
The next question was about activists. Did I think they made things worse? "I think they do but we should always have a right to complain, for instance I heard stories of both women and transwomen being discriminated in healthcare. I can believe it because now that something is being done about the menopause but there are loads of women who have difficulty with periods that are just fobbed off by doctors because it's very difficult area to investigate, but it shouldn't be so. Activists who raise money for campaigns to resolve these issues or similar things with men, prostate or testicular cancers, they all need services improved to sort these things, (there was laughter at the mention of testicular cancer but I showed my disdain at that.) Men had issues as well as women, they were very ignorant of health issues compared to women and they deserved respect too. I tried to point out that we each needed respect from the others but unless we showed it how could we deserve to receive it?
Finally, we finished and we stopped for lunch. Several students came by and thanked me for enlightening them and I smiled in return, Fiona waited until they had all left and she thanked me. "I learned a lot and began to see that the problem are forces who just want to set people against each other."
"I think that they do it to cause disruption and because it is all very personal, people get very upset and deal with their own feelings instead or seeing the cause, it's often quite subtle and is often so well established in public consciousness that we forget times before or after it. But we have to strive to protect women and educate men and boys against ingrained misogyny. Right, I'm starving and going to lunch, keep well and let me know if anyone is causing you trouble." she nodded and left; so did I locking the lab as I went.
After lunch we analysed more samples and tried to see specifics like damage to invertebrates cause by chemicals, things like stunting of growth or development. I showed them how to work out the age of things like caddis larvae by looking at the number of segments, were there wing buds and numbers of gills if present? We did the same with Mayflies and a few other insects which had an aquatic stage. Dragonfly larvae were the largest but it also meant killing them was more difficult and we made a class agreement that dragonfly larvae were not studied and we had a look under a microscope and then released them before they died. I used to take them down to the river and pour them gently back in, after all they hadn't done anything to us, so why should we hurt them. We also usually chucked any fish back unless we were studying them and we could put those in aerated tanks while we needed them and then release them back into the wild. Diane hated catching them before we did this, but she was the technician, I was senior teaching staff so more expensive to use on such things, but I used to do a bit in the name of staff solidarity and I know it was appreciated. I hoped both my staff and students knew I would support them if they had issues, but some were easier to do so than others.
When I eventually got home I tried to analyse my day. I hoped I hadn't given myself away. I had known several trans students, one intimately viz. moi. I ate dinner, marked some assignments, watched some inane telly and went to bed where I worried in the we sma' 'oors about what I had done, then thought if I did give the game away, it was done and trying to undo anything now would only make matters worse. I hoped my apparent reputation of a 'know-it-all', might protect me, we'd have to see.
The Interview (5)
by
Angharad.
When I got to work, the college I teach at, the air was buzzing again. The trans-apartheid was spreading in ripples and various groups were vying for attention. The feminists, especially those of any authority expressed complete solidarity with the supreme court. I wondered if they would do the same with Trump because it seemed the supreme court had voted for him. So there were all sorts of silly women triumphant and shallow. They couldn't see the bigger picture because their prejudice blinded them and besides they wouldn't admit to having been gullible to believe what they were saying.
Now it seemed a retired transwoman judge was going to seek the opinion of the European Court for Human Rights, and she wasn't just any judge, she was a master judge, which mean she had dealt with very tricky and involved cases. She had wanted to give evidence before the supreme court, but they had declined, apparently, it's an option they have. To me it just demonstrates either stupidity or that they had been told what to find before they started. Perhaps someone should ask them what constituted a man and as soon as they got to mentioning male genitalia, then it would exclude women like me, who have breasts and a vagina, but apparently, I'm still male. It just shows its absurdity.
Next we learned that transwomen would be excluded from competitive sport like football or cricket. I began to wonder if tiddlywinks was mentioned or not. Okay, some of this was perhaps acceptable because of the differences in build after puberty. Men were usually bigger and stronger, with heavier bones and bigger lungs and hearts according to the statistics. What they seemed to forget is that if you have a bigger and heavier body, you need a bigger heart and lungs to move it about. Plus you can't dismiss individuality as a factor - some people are more fit than others who seem to do the same amount of training. I remember when I was doing my master's I think, and I joined the local cycling club as a woman and I was younger than many, but there were one or two older, cisgendered females who flew past me when we were on the road. They just seemed to be fitter despite being older and I suppose less full of oestrogen which was busy destroying my muscles. But no complaint from me, they were better cyclists and of course the men were all stronger cyclists.
I think one of the attacks that encouraged women to complain was what was seen as unfair competition by transwomen against ordinary females in sport and festered, coming into the headlines again and again, usually when something happened in sport or politics. It gave a rallying point to both sides, the trans side reckoned they had no advantage and the feminists claimed they did. Because activists are noisy, they both made quite a lot of a din and upped the ante and the amount of ill-feeling there was. It was a self imposed own goal by the transwomen and lost a lot of support from ordinary people who had no real interest in the nitty-gritty of such an argument. The activists got up everyone's nose as they tend to do. I would normally support such groups as 'Just Stop Oil', because I'm effectively teaching ecology which is the science of the relationship between an organism and its environment, and let's face it, Britain has a very dubious record on biodiversity, which is the lowest in Europe, the causes of which one could throw at industry, industrial-agriculture and development for business and housing, plus of course too many people on this small patch of land. Wildlife just can't cope with the competition especially from various pesticides in the farming lobbies armoury.
I called them back to order and we continued with our analysis of the various water sites we had surveyed. We found pollution or toxins in all of them, they had chemicals or sewage in all but one, which was a village pond and had no inflow except from ground water, or springs as some would term them, so the rubbish from a stream or river didn't flow into it, but sadly run-off from fields did and with it several nasty chemicals that farmers used to kill things they didn't like.
I then asked them what we should do about our results, the maths of which had been checked and found correct. The suggestions I received were informing authorities or the local press. I had an aversion to the local press from a personal survival strategy. If they didn't know I existed, it reduced the risk of them outing me. I had a friend who worked for the NHS who was outed by colleagues, she thought, to national press and also to local press on two or three occasions. She passed well and did her job well too, but it didn't stop the press from citing it as human interest stories. That is about as truthful as a Trump claim about the most successful presidency in history. It's about the prurient curiosity that humans have about anything different; some may have a genuine interest to understand but most just want to feel superior by sneering or pointing the finger. It's a bit like the toilet saga, women feel unsafe sharing toilets with transwomen and the TERFs shout it from the rooftops, they may be a bit quieter if they read the statistics and saw that women were more at threat from amorous lesbians than transwomen, but it doesn't sell as many papers or grip as many morons on social media.
At the end of the session as the rest headed off for their lunch I stopped Fiona and asked how she was doing. "I'm still devastated by the supreme court ruling and by the general misogyny and transphobia in the media and online/social media."
I suggested she ignore the media and especially social media where misinformation abounded and disinformation was repeated with none of the passers-on checking to see if it's true. I tried to suggest that if she wanted to be a scientist, she had to learn to deal in hard data not innuendo or accusations. The problem was that no one listens to scientists anymore, the big mouthed lying politicians saw to that and the general public was ignorant if not deliberately so, biased in favour of the bloke who was always on TV, like Farage or even Trump. If they recognise a face they are more inclined to trust the message. That demonstrates that man is governed by his emotions not his intelligence. Education doesn't matter if people feel scared. The immigration topic shows people are scared of a story that is with a little fact but mostly hype.
I am sometimes ashamed to allow myself to be included under the term human because I am sure I meet more intelligent bugs in my lab most days, some are probably brighter than the worst of my students, who are probably there because it sounded easier than astrophysics and they were too young to claim benefits.
Fiona told me that she had spoken to her GP and he advised ignoring the supreme court ruling but be aware in places of risk like changing rooms or toilets. She was already looking more female and more natural. I told her so and she thanked me and said she had been helped by some of the girls in her class. That was very welcome news demonstrating that ordinary women young and old, were not interested in the supreme court and felt that if no one had been attacked in the local ladies by sex-crazed transwomen so far, the chances were pretty remote. So in short, they didn't give a tinker's toss about the whole thing.
I remember once going to the loo in a local supermarket and there was quite a twitter in progress. There was a man in one of the two cubicles. They all gossiped and complained but nobody did anything. It appears the man was Polish and had gone into the ladies because the men's cubicles were out of order and he needed a poo. The smell when he opened the door and beat a hasty retreat showed he had needed a loo. But nobody went for help or reported it to the management, so how much danger would a transwoman be in if she used the ladies? Seeing as men dressed as women have done so for years, transvestites and other oddballs who may get a thrill from running the risk and also some quite masculine looking women.
I warned Fiona to take care and to enter, use the loo and exit, just in case someone spotted her or knew her. Generally, I thought she passed quite well as younger women do, but to avoid drawing attention to herself unless she wanted martyrdom.
She laughed and said, " No martyrdom, but Marydom is okay." She was obviously feeling better and she said knowing she had the support of the college helped her and especially my support. I nodded and went to lunch. It was getting warmer and the headlines of Reform winning a bye-election by six votes sickened me. How could people vote for a disruptive chancer like him or his party, but then Trump showed it could happen against all the odds and Brexit showed that the British could vote for a policy of self-harm, without being able to see it coming, it's like turkeys voting for Christmas.
The principal asked me how things were going for Fiona and I told him that as things were settling down, she seemed reasonably okay and the girl who had caused all the trouble before hadn't appeared lately. "No, she won't, apparently her parents thought we were backing a pervert against their darling daughter and didn't believe she could behave as she did, so we were exaggerating or lying and they withdrew their daughter to go to a proper school. I don't know where unless they meant a Trappist convent somewhere?" We both laughed at his joke and he told me to keep him abreast of any developments. I told him I would. I asked him why I had been chosen as baby sitter to Fiona. "She's in your class, you're usually competent with banana skins, and you're a woman, and it's better if I keep an eye on it at a distance."
"So you can dump it in my lap if it goes belly up?"
"How can you think me so shallow?" I didn't tell him how easy it was and his usual policy of covering his arse, seemed discernible. "Jenny, you are one of the best and I'd rather have you watching my back than most of them here. Beside you seem to care and your rapport with Fiona seems good, she likes you and more importantly she trusts you."
I think that was all I was going to get out of him. I was aware that his position was difficult, but then so was my own or would be if I was outed. I just had to try and ensure that didn't happen. Until recently, I hadn't worried about it, I had the gender reassignment form and was pretty fireproof. Now that piece of paper was as worthless as politician's promise. Now, I would have to be as careful as I could and not contact any trans friends, just in case. That is outrageous and shows how stupid the supreme court was in not thinking things through. Good luck to Dr Victoria McCloud and her mission in Europe. How life can change through other people's actions without any participation from you, it disgusted me so many with hate in their hearts where there should be love or at least solidarity, groups of women against other groups of women while the originators clap their hands with glee as misogyny was now happening between women. How I loathe them and also the stupidity of the general public who can't seem to recognise the wood from the trees.