I accepted magic to fight evil and it turned me into a girl, but I don’t think I really mind?

Jennifer Shannon

Chapter 2

That confidence was misplaced. My night was filled with nightmares inspired by what we had seen. At one point my brain had turned the real sound of rain falling into to sound of blood dripping. I was considering whether to risk more nightmares for the chance of getting some restful sleep, when my phone rang. I was wondering what was going on, since it was very unlikely for anyone to call me in the morning, as I picked up the phone. I saw the caller ID showing “Daniel Leung”, and was briefly more confused, since I wouldn’t expect him to be the one to call in the morning, especially after we spent yesterday the same way. Then I noticed the clock, and realized that it wasn’t morning, and that I had been trying to sleep well into the afternoon. Finally, I became conscious enough for it to occur to me that I should answer the phone instead of just reading it.

“Hello?” I barely managed.

“Hey, Matt. What are you up to today?”

“Nothing really. Why?”

“My sister heard about what we saw, and she decided I need to get out today for some distraction. So, she’s insisting I join them on their trip to the carnival, but I don’t want to play third wheel when they’re going to end up doing date stuff. She won’t let up on me going, so can you please come too, so I’m not stuck with having to see her make out or being alone there?”

“Yeah, OK. A distraction sounds good. When are we going?”

The answer to that last question turned out to be “immediately”, so shortly I was in front of the entrance to the carnival looking for Daniel. I soon found him talking to an Asian woman whom I presumed to be his sister. I couldn’t identify who of the nearby crowd was her boyfriend, but then she kissed a tall black woman, and I chided myself for making assumptions. Then Daniel saw me, and waved me over.

“Hi, Matt! Thanks, tons, for coming. This is my sister, Amy, and her girlfriend, Lanelle.”

“Um... hi,” I greeted. I was not the best at dealing with people I did not know.

Daniel started to say something, but Amy interjected, “Great! You’re here! Come on, you two definitely need a distraction, and we want to have some fun!” and she began to pull us into the entrance.

As we tried a few games and rides, I soon learned that Amy was very energetic, talkative, and forceful, and that the only person she would really listen to was Lanelle. I guessed that that was how Daniel was pressured into this. I also learned that Daniel’s concerns about feeling awkward around them was justified. Amy was very passionate, and it didn’t seem like Lanelle had any motive to use her restraining influence to moderate that around us. Despite seeming genuinely worried about us, the couple was quite often focussed on each other. It was obvious they cared about each other intensely, but their affection was making me feel self-conscious, and Daniel seemed to feel the same. It seemed that he had reached some inner limit, because he then spoke up.

“Listen, why don’t you two go off and do something alone together? I know you were planning for this to be a date before hearing about yesterday. Me and Matt can go find something else to do. Don’t worry; since we’re already here, we’re not going to go sulk or anything. Also, we should be able to keep an eye on each other, right?”

“Uh... right,” I added.

Lanelle had obviously noticed our discomfort, and encouraged Amy that the idea was a good one.

“Look, babe, we got them to get out, and they both look better than they did before. Why don’t we go find something to do alone together?”

I suspected that she also had her own reasons for agreeing, but either way, the goal was achieved, and they went off.

“Whew. I love them, but they’re a bit much to be around for any length of time. Want to go find somewhere a bit quieter and chill a bit?”

“... Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.”

We went to find a less crowded area, and eventually found an isolated picnic table, surprisingly unoccupied. It was also thankfully dry, having been apparently sheltered from last night’s rain. I assumed it was intended for some of the carnival employees to use since it was a bit far from the attractions, and near some of the electrical equipment for the rides.

“So, how are you?” he asked me, after we had sat down.

“Me? You saw the same thing I did.” I couldn’t understand why he was asking about me, when he had to be seriously traumatized himself.
“Yeah, and I’m doing terrible. I figure you should be too. Talking about it will help us both.” Apparently, I had found a friend who put other people first, and he’s even willing to admit and talk about his feelings. That was unexpected. This was the first time I’d seen this from any man. Other than myself, I mean.

As we bonded over that shared trauma, suddenly a raven flew between us. We looked up to follow it, and spotted something insane. It looked like a literal monster. Like an ogre. I flashed back to that scene where that Arabic girl talked about a “ghul”. I guessed this is what she meant. Daniel and I flew backwards as it trashed the table. Daniel looked all right, but stunned on the ground, and that was a problem. Because the ogre focussed on me alone.

I ran. Unfortunately, the ogre followed. And it was faster than I was on this muddy ground, so my lead was dwindling. I’d like to say that I lead it away from the crowds on purpose, but no. It was sheer chance that I ran towards the electrical equipment. I was sure that I was dead the instant I slipped and fell. But that was the same time the ogre swiped at me, and I fell below the attack. Missing put it off balance, and it smashed some of the equipment. The electrical sparking and wet ground didn’t go well for it. It was electrocuted, and fell to the mud, dead. And I was completely unharmed, physically, anyway. Just muddy. And traumatized. Again.

That raven flew by again, and I silently thanked it, because if it hadn’t been for it, the two of us would have been smashed along with that table. I could see Daniel stirring, and then the bird dropped a bracelet onto me. And I passed out.

All rights reserved.

I accepted magic to fight evil and it turned me into a girl, but I don’t think I really mind?

Jennifer Shannon

Chapter 2

I woke up with someone holding my eye open and shining a light into it. I pushed myself up and looked around to find myself and Daniel surrounded by police and paramedics. Daniel was sitting up in the back of an ambulance, talking to a cop while a paramedic checked him over. I was on a stretcher behind another ambulance with another paramedic helping me up, while yet another stood nearby watching the equipment I was attached to. The last paramedic was looking over the dead ogre with a couple of cops in uniform and one woman in a suit, whom I presumed to be a detective or the like. A number of other officers were holding people back beyond some yellow tape.

“How are you feeling?” asked the paramedic who helped me up.

“Ugh… sore, but I think I’m OK.”

The paramedic turned to her colleague examining some machinery.

“I can’t find anything wrong with him other than some bruises. How’s that look?”

“Looks good,” he replied. “I think we can let him go.” He started to disconnect me from the equipment.

“All right,” she replied. Then to me, she continued, “It looks like you just fainted, but if you have any trouble, don’t hesitate to call us. But for now, we’re going to let the police talk to you.”

They packed up and got into the nearby ambulance, while the cop that was talking to Daniel made his way over to me.

“Hello Mr. Corlett, I’m Sergeant Young. Can you tell me what happened?”

“It just missed me.”

“I’m sorry?”

“After it smashed the table and knocked out my friend, I ran, and when it swung at me, I fell, and it missed, falling into that machinery and getting electrocuted.”

“Was there anything else unusual?”

“You mean other than our attacker being an ogre or something? Nothing relevant.”

“Come on, I’ll decide that.”

“… All right. The only reason my friend and I didn’t get smashed with the table was a raven flew just over the table, between us at eye level, drawing our attention to the monster. Is that really important?” I was maybe not in the best mood, but having been attacked will do that to you.

“I admit, probably not,” he conceded. “Thank you. That lines up with what Mr. Leung told me. Please stick around while I report to the case lead.”

I was glad that was over. I always hated the formality of being called “Mr. Corlett”. After the sergeant left to talk to the detective, Daniel came over to talk to me.

“Hey. How are you doing?”

“I’m fine. Apparently, I just fainted. How about you?”

“I guess I have a concussion. But I’m lucky I’m living at home where someone can keep an eye on me. Otherwise, they’d want me in the hospital. What happened after I was knocked out?”

“I ran from the monster, and it accidentally electrocuted itself hitting that machinery after missing me.”

“Wow! I guess we’re both really lucky, then.”

“Yeah. I figure this is what happened at the school. I overheard them talking about a translation problem where it seemed a witness was talking about an ogre.”

“Huh. Yeah, I can see how that could be an ogre.”

I then noticed that the detective had come over.

“You don’t seriously believe in such things, do you? That’s obviously a costume.”

“A costume?! It was seven feet tall and smashed a picnic table!” Daniel interjected.

“Please don’t antagonize the authority figure, Dan,” I muttered.

“Do you actually want to be investigated? Since this is just a prank that went terribly wrong, you kids can go, and we won’t need this. Take it and get lost,” she said, and passed me an evidence bag holding a familiar bracelet.

“Thanks,” I replied. We then left, passing the press and the rest of the crowd while the police addressed them.

“Where are Amy and Lanelle?” I asked Daniel.

“I sent them to continue their date. Amy’s very sorry for dragging us here now.”

“Well, there’s no way she could have expected this.”

“That’s what I said. Anyway, I didn’t think they should have to stick around when they weren’t involved. I hope you don’t mind, but Amy wouldn’t go until I said I’d go straight home unless you could keep an eye on me. She doesn’t want me alone.”

“That makes sense. You do have a concussion. I’m OK with keeping an eye on you for a bit.”

“Thanks.” Then looking at the bag I was carrying, he added, “Where’d you get that bracelet anyway? I didn’t see it before the attack.”

“That raven gave it to me.”

“What?”

“I’ve heard that crows sometimes gift shiny objects to people they like. I guess ravens must do the same thing.”

I extracted the bracelet from the bag to examine it. It was bronze, with etching around the outside, and it looked ancient. Somehow, it felt like it had power, and also, it felt like it was meant for me in some way.

“I can believe that more than I can believe that it was somebody in a costume that attacked us, even though the alternative is to believe in monsters,” Daniel replied.

Suddenly the raven was back, and landed on my shoulder.

“You are correct, young man. It was not a costume,” the raven clearly said.

I accepted magic to fight evil and it turned me into a girl, but I don’t think I really mind?

Jennifer Shannon

Chapter 4

Daniel and I both stared at the raven sitting calmly on my shoulder. I knew some birds could speak, but this didn’t seem to be mere mimicry. This was a clear response to our conversation in proper English, although with a strong accent I couldn’t place, although it sounded vaguely Celtic, somewhat like Irish or Scottish. I should probably have been more freaked out, but I think there had been too many shocks lately, plus the bird seemed familiar somehow.

“Sure, a talking bird. If there are monsters, of course there can be talking animals,” Daniel said in exasperation.

“I do understand that it is unusual to encounter a messenger that was sent by the gods, but I fear that we must focus our attention elsewhere. These attacks will continue,” the raven replied.

“How? I mean, the monster’s dead, right?”

“The monster is called a bocánach, and there are many other bocánaigh. They have been used for ages as mercenaries by the fey and by other magical beings. These ones are working for an evil millennia-old druid, who is named Wirognawos. He intends to have the bocánaigh sacrifice hundreds of people to empower him to extend his life, as he has done several times before.”

“So why are you talking to us? What can we do about it?”

“I am speaking with you only because you are here. The Morrígan, a Celtic goddess of battle and death, has sent me to petition only Matthew Corlett for his aid.”

“Me?! What can I do?” I asked.

“I did attempt to explain the situation once before, however, you were rather inebriated at the time. You have inherited the ability to use that focus you hold to gain great power, and you are the only person to have done so that is also of an appropriate age for fighting.”

“OK, but how could I have inherited any power given by a Celtic goddess? I know I have a Manx family name, but my grandfather wasn’t actually Celtic. He was Wolastoqey, an indigenous Canadian back in New Brunswick, where I’m from. He was adopted by a white family after being picked up in the Sixties Scoop.”

“The actual bloodline is not important to the gods. Although the history behind the adoption and loss of culture is dreadful, your great-grandparents considered your grandfather to be family, and gave him their name. That is enough for the power to have been inherited. This is fortunate for us now, since the other young people of the Corlett name have not descended from the last person to use the power. Over time, Wirognawos has orchestrated the elimination of the rest of the family, however, his prejudices have led him to overlook you.”

“So, I’m the only option? What about the police, or even the army?”

“Their weapons would either be insufficient or cause too much collateral damage. You were very fortunate to have drawn that bocánach into machinery carrying enough power to injure it, and the others will now be more cautious in such situations. Only an individual that has been divinely empowered can effectively battle these creatures. The only thing that the Halifax Regional Police or the Royal Canadian Mounted Police will be able to do is to reduce panic by concealing the truth of the situation, as they are already doing, and the Canadian Armed Forces do not have the resources to defeat the bocánaigh without destroying large areas of the city.”

“Shit.”

“Shit, right, man! You get to be a superhero granted powers by the gods! Like Shazam!” interjected Daniel.

“Isn’t Shazam a child that turns into a huge muscular man? I don’t think I really want to be associated with that character.”

“You should not have to worry about an uncomfortable transformation, since this power, once you begin to use it, will slowly change you into your ideal fighting form. It being your own ideal, it is likely to be more comfortable than even your current appearance,” the raven answered.

“I think you might have missed the point, bird. Don’t worry, Matt, I won’t compare you to a kid again. That bugs me too when people do it to me,” added Daniel.

I thought that even Daniel was missing the point, but I wasn’t quite sure what my point was. I couldn’t quite put my finger on why the comparison bothered me. I decided to change the subject a bit.

“So, what should we call you, raven? It’s a bit awkward to call you ‘bird’ or ‘raven’,” I said.

“I have not been named. Your predecessor did just call me ‘raven’, however that was ‘bran’ in the Gaelic of the era. I do suppose that ‘Bran’ is a masculine given name, and so you could use it to refer to me,” replied the raven.

“OK, Bran. So, how does this work? Would I be permanently super-powered, and would I get to keep a secret identity?”

“You would be divinely empowered as the one called the ‘curadh’, the hero or warrior, after reciting an incantation until when you rest. The power, when so invoked, would come with the transformation of your garb to the traditional uniform of the hero, which is enchanted to mask the identity of the wearer. Also, even when not fully empowered, you and any family would be made more resistant to harm.”

“Family? Would they go after my family back home?”

“They are likely to stay in this area, however, this would become relevant should they visit here, or should you gain a spouse or children, whether you do so in the eyes of the law or not.”

“In the eyes of the law or not? So, what’s to stop me from starting a relationship, or becoming a parental figure to a bunch of kids, just to protect everyone?”

“You would have to actually feel as if you had become a spouse or parent to someone for this to work. You would not be able to deceive the Morrígan, and she would not appreciate the attempt.”

“Right. Don’t lie to the goddess. That makes sense. So, what’s the incantation?”

“It is etched on the focus.”

“OK… I just see some scratches. If this is writing, I can’t read this language.”

“Those scratches are Ogham, and they read ‘Cairech borr a bacras fann; fo-ránaic in caur forlann. Lúth caurad lass’ fosta crech, áiliu ar cúrad cairech.’”

“How’s he supposed to remember that when it comes time to fight?” asked Daniel.

“Due to the inherent power of the verse, now that he has heard it, he will not forget it. I will leave you for now to consider this charge. Should you choose to accept, simply concentrate on the focus and recite the incantation at the next attack.”

As Bran flew away, the two of us stood there processing what we had been told. It was all unbelievable. There was no way I could be a superhero, rushing into danger.

I accepted magic to fight evil and it turned me into a girl, but I don’t think I really mind?

Jennifer Shannon

Chapter 5

I was in the library with assignments open in front of me, but I sat staring at the bracelet on my wrist. I should probably have been focussed on my studies, but it just didn’t seem important anymore. It had been a couple of days since Bran turned my world upside-down, with the knowledge that the gods were real, and that they wanted me to battle an age-old villain and his monstrous lackeys. How was I supposed to focus on things like science and technology when I’d just learned that magic was real? And I could use it. I just had to fight monsters with it. I didn’t know if I could handle that. When I ran into a bocánach before, I ran away without any thought, but then again, I’d have the power to stand up to one now. No one else would be able to. If anyone was going to fight them, I’d have to be the one doing it. And it would change me. Bran told me that the power would slowly change me into my “ideal fighting form”. When I thought of fighters, I imagined rough, rugged MMA experts, and that didn’t really seem like something I’d like being. I wasn’t really happy with my appearance, and I wasn’t sure what I wanted to look like, but that didn’t feel right. Did the gods and the magic know better than me what my own ideal was? They’d have to, if I was going to end up being comfortable with any changes, and Bran said that I would. I wondered if Bran knew what those changes would be like. Bran seemed eager to share information, so I expected he would have told me if he knew. Also, he needed to convince me to accept this, so, to persuade me, he should have told me what these positive changes would be if he knew.

As I was dwelling on this, my phone started to vibrate with a call from Daniel.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Where are you?!”

“I’m at the library. Why?”

“You have to get to the gay bar as fast as you can! Amy and Lanelle went there, and there’s one of those monsters!”

“What?! I’m on my way. Are they OK?” I asked, as I gathered my things.

“Yeah, they called to tell me that they couldn’t get in because the police were surrounding the place and somebody in a costume was causing chaos. But I couldn’t convince them to leave, so I need to go get them.”

“… Right. I’ll see you there.”

So much for having a choice. There was no way I could leave people I cared for at risk when I might be able to help. I’d have told Daniel to stay home, but there was no way he would when his sister was in danger. Now I might have to rescue the three of them along with everyone else.

Thankfully no one had been hurt before I got there. It seemed to be too early for the place to be busy, and the few people there had quickly fled, and the bocánach was currently content to be destroying things. But it wouldn’t stay that way. It was going to attack someone soon enough. Especially since one of the police was sneaking up to it to try to take the alleged costumed person into custody. He tried to tackle it, and just ended up hanging from its shoulders. Then it swung one large, hairy arm around, and the cop was sent flying into the side of a police car. A police car that was now severely dented, with an unconscious, bloodied cop alongside it. Another officer drew her sidearm and fired at the bocánach. Unsurprisingly, that didn’t achieve much. The bullet hit, but it only flattened itself in the tough hide of the creature. The now angered creature. It started to approach the police and the crowd, which by now included Daniel too, in addition to Amy and Lanelle, and I made my decision, and ducked out of sight.

I had taken a rubbing of the etching on my bracelet to the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences, and saying it was from an heirloom, I had it translated, so I now knew what the incantation meant. I focussed on the bracelet and began reciting.

“Cairech borr a bacras fann;”

“A strong evildoer that threatens the weak;” I understood.

“Fo-ránaic in caur forlann.”

“The hero has found oppression.”

“Lúth caurad lass’ fosta crech,”

“The hero’s power with which I’ll stop plunder,”

“Áiliu ar cúrad cairech.”

“I call upon it to defeat evildoers.”

Then the world exploded into light for me. I felt my clothes change around me, and I felt myself fill with power. The light faded, and standing in strange clothes, I felt lighter somehow. Despite the fact I was now holding a long spear. But I didn’t have time to dwell on that. I leapt forward, and I made it over the crowd and police line, and stood before the bocánach. I held my spear in both hands and shoved the creature back with the spear using all of my strength, and it flew backwards into the building. Actually, inside the building, through the exterior wall. I’d have to watch out for collateral damage in the future. It got up, and rushed back to me, returning the favour. I was sent flying back, dropping my spear, and then another police car was dented. If not for the super strength, I’d be in very poor shape. As it was, I was just in a bit of pain. Thankfully, the other people had gotten out of my way. The bocánach was slowly approaching me as I pulled myself to my feet. I had to end this. Now. I rushed to where the spear had fallen, and grabbed it. I ran toward the enemy, ducked a swing, and spun around, planting the blade of my weapon solidly into its side. It roared, and then it crumpled to the ground. It was done. And unless I wanted a whole lot of attention, I had to leave. Now. I wrenched my spear from the creature, and ran and leapt past the crowd.

I found a dark alley, and tried to rest. My spear disappeared, and my clothes returned to normal, and I suddenly felt most of the power slip away. I still felt different to how I had felt before, though. More comfortable, somehow. Since I was wondering about those changes I would experience, I took a self-assessment. I looked down at myself to find my clothes were baggy, so I must have been leaner. Although not everywhere. My shirt wasn’t any looser around my chest, but I supposed I must have needed strong pecs to wield that spear. But why weren’t my pants looser around my hips? I brushed my hair out of my eyes, noticing that it had got longer, too. I then heard a bird land nearby.

“I thank you for accepting the charge. I did not believe you would merely ignore it. But this is unexpected,” Bran said.

“What is?” I asked.

“Your predecessors developed to become hardier, more robust. You seem to appear more delicate.”

I accepted magic to fight evil and it turned me into a girl, but I don’t think I really mind?

Jennifer Shannon

Chapter 6

I had become more delicate? I looked at my hands, and they did seem more delicate. I felt my arms, and the muscles in my arms seemed denser, but they were leaner, and my skin was softer. I’d have to find a mirror at some point, so I could see for myself how my face was changing, but I was definitely not turning into the typical strong man. But that should be fine, since my advantage against the bocánach I’d faced was agility rather than strength. Being more delicate seemed strange for a fighter, but when I tried imagining myself looking tougher, it was disturbing for some reason.

“I think I might be OK with that,” I told Bran.

“While I find these initial changes unexpected, I did expect that you would not object to them. Divine magic is often inscrutable, but rarely mistaken. This is not only to prepare you for battle, but also a reward for accepting the charge.”

“So, I should end up better looking?”

“That is probable. However, you will not be so different as not to be recognized when you have not activated the power. You should not have to argue your identity.”

“All right, but you said the changes would be slow. I’ve changed a lot! What’ll I tell people?”

“You are only aware of the changes to such an extent because you have made an effort to see them. This blessing has been designed in such a way as to be explicable by mundane means for the most part, and otherwise unnoticeable to the uninformed.”

“You’re saying people will just accept that I’ve been going to the gym or taking diet pills, or something?”

“Correct. Although further changes may need an alternate explanation. One of your predecessors used training as his explanation, but then had to inform his compatriots that a large mole on his face had been severed in battle, and no one questioned the lack of a scar.”

“I guess he’d have had to get creative, since there was no plastic surgery to blame back then.”

“Indeed. This was the first of your two predecessors, who lived in the sixth century.”

“There’s only been three of us since that long ago? Why doesn’t this evil druid try this more often?”

“The timing necessary for Wirognawos’s magical rite only happens every 729 years. He has also not succeeded in this rite to extend his life since the appointment of the curadh. His survival has been dependant on his earlier rites, and should he not succeed this time, he shall succumb to age before he would be able to attempt again. You should be able to stop him finally after millennia of mass slaughter, merely by stopping the rite. One way to do this would be to stop the sacrifices he needs to provide power.”

“So, no pressure, then. What’s going on back at the bar?”

“The injured officer has received medical care, and the crowd has begun to disperse. The authorities have informed the public that their suspicion is that a production company has staged the event as a form of marketing, and that such events causing damage to property or harm to persons will not be tolerated. They are seeking you since they do not know that you will be unrecognizable. I rather suspect that they wish to confer with you about the danger that they must know to be real, rather than penalize you for your involvement in the damage, but I cannot be certain. Also, much of the public does not seem to believe their characterization of the battle, but it seems to be enough to prevent mass panic. Daniel Leung’s companions are now helping to remove debris from the affected business so that it can be repaired quickly, while he himself is discreetly searching for you.”

“Oh. Can you go bring him here? Discreetly, of course. I don’t need the attention I’d get from talking about this stuff around other people.”

“Of course.”

It didn’t take long before Bran returned with Daniel.

“That was amazing! I knew you’d do it, though. You’re too good a person not to help when you can,” Daniel said once he had seen me.

“Um… Thanks,” I said, feeling like I was blushing a bit. I wasn’t used to compliments.

“The outfit was a bit unusual, though.”

“That garb is the traditional uniform of the curadh, and typical warrior garb for the era in which it was designed,” replied Bran.

“A cape over a short dress?” asked Daniel in disbelief.

I started panicking. I hadn’t noticed what I was wearing since I was focussed on the fight, and I couldn’t handle this now. I was sure I was going to lose my friend here.

“Hey! Matt! Stop worrying! I know you didn’t pick the clothing, and it wouldn’t matter to me if you did. I think people can wear what they want. Nobody could recognize you, either, remember?” Daniel quickly added.

I tried to calm down. No one was going to hurt me here.

“Strange. That seemed almost like a trauma response, but unrelated to the attacks. We might have to look into that at some time. However, the garments in question were a brat, which is a type of cloak, and a léine, which is a tunic,” said Bran.

Between Daniel’s support, and Bran’s clinical detachment, I managed to bring myself under control. I just had to tell myself it was like wearing a kilt.

“So, I don’t have to worry that people will think I’m cross-dressing? It’s all fine for other people, but I can’t do that,” I was finally able to say.

“Those who recognize these garments, such as your enemies, will know that they are unisex,” said Bran.

“And they’re the only ones who’ll get a good look in. The speed you were moving in those loose clothes, nobody could tell your body type. Everybody back there assumed you were a woman,” added Daniel.

Well, that was better. No one would think I was a crossdresser. I had no problems with other people doing that, but putting myself in that category was terrifying. But I didn’t mind if people thought the hero was a woman, as long as they didn’t know it was me. I had tried hard throughout my life to fit in, and not draw any negative attention. If someone thought I was wearing feminine clothes, I’d stand out, and that would be terrifying.

“Come on, let’s get you home,” he continued.

I accepted magic to fight evil and it turned me into a girl, but I don’t think I really mind?

Jennifer Shannon

Chapter 7

It took a couple of days for me to calm down, but Daniel kept checking on me to make sure I was OK. Today we had been chatting for hours about various things, and he must have finally judged me to be well enough to pick up the topic of my fight.

“You know, you have some admirers now among the girls from the gay bar you saved. Maybe some of them are bi and you could impress them as your superhero self,” he said, smiling.

No, that wasn’t going to happen. Daniel might still be girl-crazy, but I was still demisexual, and I didn’t know any of these admirers. Plus, letting people actually see me like that was terrifying.

“I don’t really think that’s going to happen,” I answered.

“Why not? Don’t depress me by saying something against bisexual people.”

“No, it’s nothing like that.”

I paused to collect my thoughts. I knew he wasn’t homophobic, so I could probably get away with telling him the truth. Part of it, anyway.

“It’s actually that I don’t know these girls. I’m demisexual,” I ventured.

“Oh! I’m sorry, but I haven’t heard of that one before.”

“It means I can only be attracted to someone if have an emotional bond with them first.”

“Well, now I’m really sorry for pushing you to talk to strangers all the time when we were out. Since we’re sharing, I’m strictly heterosexual.”

“I’ve noticed your interest in the opposite sex, Daniel.”

“Yeah, I guess you must have, huh?” he laughed.

That “strictly” stuck in my mind a bit. I had only been attracted to a few people in the past, who were all girls, but I’d usually been closer to girls at the time since the boys were often attacking me. I didn’t feel like I could honestly say that I’d be “strictly” attracted to women in the future. That uncertainty bothered me somewhat, but I couldn’t do anything about it. Potentially discovering that I was attracted to men too wasn’t something I could control, so I’d just have to live my life and see how things play out. And there was no reason I had to tell anyone that. I could safely hide that, as long as I didn’t act on it, so I didn’t have to worry about being attacked. In my discomfort I adjusted my shirt, which of course wasn’t fitting right anymore, just like the rest of my clothes, since my changes were continuing. Daniel looked at me in concern.

“You seem to have lost weight around your belly. You haven’t been skipping meals since your panic attack, have you?” he asked me.

“No, this is from those changes Bran mentioned would happen after accepting the power. I’ve been getting leaner, mostly.”

No need to mention that my clothes weren’t looser all over. They still weren’t any looser around my chest and hips. I couldn’t figure out what was going on there. I also carefully didn’t mention some other changes I had noticed. Daniel didn’t need to hear about my finer features or that I could go longer without needing to shave. Thankfully, Bran was right, and other people weren’t noticing anything strange yet, but if things kept on this way, I’d have to come up with some sort of explanation for people not in the know. Bran said things would be mostly explicable without bringing up magic, but I hadn’t figured out how yet.

“Your hair’s longer too. It’ll suit the ancient warrior look you have in your costume.”

That made sense. I nodded like that was intentional. That wouldn’t explain some of the other things, so I hoped he wasn’t going to be too observant.

“Well, I’m glad you’re doing better now. I’ve got to go. I promised Amy, I’d join her and Lanelle in helping out with fixing the bar,” said Daniel, getting up to leave.

I paused. I felt guilty about having contributed to the damage. I should help out, but the thought of being caught at a gay bar made me uneasy. I guessed I could say I was just there to help out, like Daniel. He was straight, and would be there. It should be safe enough.

“Hold on, I’ll come too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I helped damage it, so I should help repair it, right?”

“That was hardly your fault.”

“I’ll feel better this way anyway. Let’s go.”

On the way, I received a few confused looks, but since they passed quickly, I just tried to ignore them. I wasn’t sure why they were happening, and that bothered me. But, once we reached the bar, those looks stopped for the most part. But, when I introduced myself, someone asked what my pronouns were. After a moment of confusion, the question became multiple choice as I was presented with options, from which I chose “he/him”. I didn’t understand why I’d choose anything else since I wasn’t transgender. That just wasn’t possible. Also, once I had arrived, some new looks had started. These ones seemed more appraising than confused, and they were mostly coming from a group of tall women that would occasionally go off to chat alone. I guessed that I must be becoming better looking, as expected, but given I was helping out at a gay bar, or rather a 2SLGBTQIA+ space as I was informed, shouldn’t those looks have been coming more from other men? It was also strange that one of those tall women looking at me was Lanelle. I knew she was Amy’s girlfriend, but maybe she was bi, I guessed. One of those times that group went to chat alone, I overheard something about “letting her come out in her own time”. I wondered who they were talking about, but it was none of my business. This time, though when the group dispersed, Lanelle came over to me.

“You know, if you need to talk to somebody who understands, you can come to me,” she said.

“Uh… Thanks?”

I had no idea what she was talking about. It’s not like she was fighting an ancient evil. I was sure I’d have noticed another superhero.

“And if you don’t know me well enough, Daniel might not understand it as well as we do, but he’s proven he’s OK about things like this.”

Well, I was already talking to Daniel about the big thing going on. But what did she think it was? No one knew it was me fighting that creature.

“Yeah, I know he’s cool. Don’t worry; I think I’m all right.”

I wished I could be more certain that I really was all right.

I accepted magic to fight evil and it turned me into a girl, but I don’t think I really mind?

Jennifer Shannon

Chapter 8

When I had originally learned that the word “demisexual” applied to me, I had just been happy to find out that I wasn’t weird, and hadn’t done any further research. But, since I learned the bar was a 2SLGBTQIA+ space, I had looked up the acronym, and I found out I was included under the A for “asexual”. This had made me feel even more like I should help out here after having caused some of the damage fighting the bocánach. So, for a few days, I had been doing whatever I could here, as they got ready to reopen tonight. I still wasn’t that comfortable with people I didn’t know, and Daniel only came that one day, so I mostly stuck around Lanelle, whom I had at least met before, and who was clearly trying to make me feel welcome here. I hadn’t figured out what she had been talking about that first day I came to help here, and she hadn’t brought it up again, but we had become friends, rather than just acquaintances.

Since I had put so much work into it now, I had decided to attend the grand reopening of the bar with Lanelle and Amy. Feeling safe here, and with them, with uncharacteristic boldness, I had come out as demisexual, and we were talking about the homophobic abuse I had suffered in high school back home.

“Yeah, the boys used to beat me up, too. Though in my case, it was for being too girly rather than not being interested in the girls,” Lanelle told me.

“Why would they beat up a girl for being girly?” I asked.

“Well, I was still living as a boy back then. Of course, I expect they’d have been just as bad, if not worse, had I been out as trans.”

“Wait, you’re transgender?!”

I was shocked. I had always assumed it would be more obvious if I met a transgender person. I looked her over, and I still couldn’t see anything unusual.

“See, I keep telling you it’s not that bad, honey,” Amy told her girlfriend.

“I think Matt might just be a bit oblivious,” Lanelle teased me.

“Hey! I just have… other things on my mind,” I argued.

“Like what?”

“Like…”

Just then there was a scream from outside, so we were among many who ran to see what was going on. Once we were outside, we saw someone running from another bocánach.

“Oh, shit. We have to get you away from here,” I said.

“Us?! What about you?” Amy asked, as I pushed them on.

“I guess you’ll have to find out,” I said.

I hurried them on to the alley in which I had transformed before, and Bran landed to meet us.

“Do you just fly around watching me?” I asked Bran.

“No. Usually, I am searching for attacks of which to warn you. We might not always be so fortunate as to have you or your friends on site,” Bran answered, understandably shocking the girls.

“I guess that makes sense. Why are they attacking here again?” I asked as I focussed on my bracelet and started my incantation quietly.

“I suspect it is because of the large number of people here tonight, and Wirognawos’s prejudices.”

“So, he’s a homophobe?” I asked after finishing my transformation.

It seemed my light show had stunned the girls even more. I noticed this time that my hair was tied back, which was strange, since my hair hadn’t been quite as long before. I guessed I must be going to change a bit with each transformation in addition to slowly changing over time.

“He has also historically shown prejudice toward women and those of other ethnicities.”

“Of course he has.”

“Oh my God! It was you!” Amy shouted, snapping out of her shock.

“Uh, yeah. I wasn’t planning to tell anyone else, but here we are. Bran, can you tell them everything while I go fight?”

I left as Bran started to explain things, since I was planning to put a quick end to this. After weaving through the fleeing crowd, I quickly snuck up behind the bocánach, and stabbed forward with my spear. But it turned out I wasn’t as sneaky as I’d hoped. The creature spun around, grabbed me by the spear, and flung me into the street. I quickly dodged traffic, and returned to the fight. This time I feinted to stab again, but instead I had the blade pass by the monster, and I struck it on the horn on the side of its head with the butt of my weapon. While it was dazed, I swept its hoofed feet out from under it, and stabbed it through the chest.

I took the time to reflect on my victory. The magic seemed to come with some fighting skills, but I thought I really should take some martial arts classes. But as I stood there, I suddenly felt someone grab me by my ponytail. It seemed my hair was long enough now, that I could still turn my head without freeing my hair, and I saw an arm extending from mist that had suddenly materialized behind me. As the mist dissipated, I found the arm belonged to an ancient white man in robes wearing a lot of bronze jewellery.

“I am come to see with mine own eyes the new curadh who hath slain my soldiers, and I find naught but a young maiden,” he spoke with a gruesome leer.

A maiden? This had to be Wirognawos, and he would know the ancient clothes were unisex. If the clothes weren’t confusing him, and he was seeing me clearly, how could he think I was a girl? I knew I was getting more delicate, but…

“I can still kick your bony old ass, just like I did to your minions,” I taunted.

“Bah! I have naught to fear from thee, child. My ‘minions’, however, must need further training if they may be felled by a maid such as thou.”

He released me, and disappeared back in to mist before I could react. Having nowhere to direct my confused feelings, I just ran back to the alley where the others were waiting, and crumpled to the ground there, powering down. I saw Daniel had joined the others during my fight.

“Daniel?” I asked.

“Yeah, Matt. Amy called me, and I wasn’t far.”

“Do I look like a girl?”

I accepted magic to fight evil and it turned me into a girl, but I don’t think I really mind?

Jennifer Shannon

Chapter 9

Everyone was just staring at me, seeming unsure of what to say. Then Daniel crouched down and grabbed my shoulder. I felt a strange heat rise in me, but I had other things to worry about right now.

“Please don’t panic, but… yes, you do,” he said.

I tensed up, and I only didn’t get up and run because he was holding me firmly.

“Oh my god! He didn’t realize?” asked Lanelle.

I wondered how this change could be a “blessing”, as Bran called it. I was sure I was going to be attacked for this, and I was going to lose my friends. I tried to escape again, and Lanelle grabbed me too.

“He did tell us he was beaten up by homophobes throughout high school. They probably taunted him for not being ‘manly’, too. This must be like those taunts coming true,” Amy told the others.

“This could also explain the symptoms of trauma that we have witnessed. His inability to cope with the changes could be due to these attacks,” Bran added.

“Well, why is your goddess putting him through this?!” asked Daniel.

“The gods do not always consider human weaknesses. The divine magic will have identified his own subconscious ideal and will be working towards that, no matter what the consequences may be.”

“Then, can she fix it?”

“I will personally return to the Morrígan to request as much on his behalf,” Bran said, before flying off.

I started to calm down a bit. Bran was going to get this fixed. But I didn’t know how long that would take. I was sure it wouldn’t be easy to convince a goddess that there was something wrong with her “blessing”. What would I do in the meantime? Lanelle looked thoughtful, though. I was hopeful that she’d have an idea that could be helpful.

“Matt, this is supposed to be based on your own ideal. Are you trans?” she asked me.

“What?! No! I’m normal!” I shouted.

“Hey! Lanelle’s not abnormal!” Amy shouted back at me, making me recoil.

“It’s OK. That’s his trauma talking. Matt, we’re not mad at you. It’s perfectly fine. But have you ever wished you were a woman?” said Lanelle.

“… No more than anyone else,” I ventured.

“Matt, most people never wish to be the other sex.”

“What? That can’t be right. Girls are prettier and have more interesting clothes. Also, guys aren’t supposed to hit them and I used to get attacked all the time; of course I’d wish for that.”

“That ‘supposed to’ doesn’t stop some guys from doing that and far worse,” Amy responded.

“Yeah, I realize that, but still, who wouldn’t wish to be a girl sometimes?”

“I never have, Matt,” answered Daniel.

“Really? OK, but that still doesn’t make me trans.”

Lanelle sighed, and Amy groaned. I wasn’t sure why.

“Should we call Bran back?” asked Daniel.

“What? Why?” I asked.

“I suspect the goddess knows exactly what’s going on. If she could see this through his shell, she’s not going to be convinced otherwise,” said Lanelle, ignoring my question.

“Wait! You don’t think Bran can convince her to help me?” I asked, focussing on the part that made sense to me.

“… Don’t worry. I’m sure she has only your best interests in mind.”

“You’re not telling me something,” I said, looking around at my friends.

“I don’t think you’re ready to hear it, with what you’ve been through. Can you just trust us, please?” said Daniel.

The others nodded, agreeing with him. I guessed I’d have to trust them. But I was still worried about what I’d do while I was waiting for my problem to be fixed.

“So, what do I do until Bran gets back? People are going to notice this.”

“I’m afraid to tell you this, but some people have already noticed. We were assuming you were on hormones,” said Lanelle.

I started to panic again, but the friends around me helped me to calm down somewhat.

“It’s OK, Matt! Nobody besides me and some of the local trans community had that idea, and none of them will tell anybody! You’re safe!” she said.

“Well, what about using hormones to go back to normal?” I asked.

“… I don’t think you should do that right away,” Daniel said.

“You’d have to explain everything to a doctor, and do you really think hormones are going to be stronger than magic?” interjected Amy.

“Plus, hormones wouldn’t shrink your chest. You’d need surgery to cut off your breasts,” added Lanelle.

The idea of that surgery was disturbing for some reason, and I didn’t want to have to explain magic to anyone I didn’t have to. After a pause, I realized that hormones were likely the only way I’d be able to explain my changes without invoking magic.

“Am I going to have to say I’m transgender to explain this to people?” I fearfully asked my friends, shocking Daniel.

“You freak out every time somebody might think you’re not ‘normal’! Are you going to be OK with that?!” he asked me.

“I don’t know what else I can say, though. This would be more normal than saying magic did it. I guess I’ll just have to learn to deal with it.”

“I think that might be a good idea, Matt. Right now, you’d stand out more trying to look like a guy. You’ll have to deal with some transphobia, but you’ll fit in well enough that it won’t be from random people on the street. Plus, it’ll give you a chance to see what it’s like to live as a woman, like you’ve wished in the past. You can always tell people it wasn’t for you if Bran comes back with a solution,” said Lanelle.

“You mean ‘when’, not ‘if’, right?”

“Right, of course, Matt.”

She was right. If I was going to fit in, this was the best idea, and although it scared me, I didn’t hate the idea.

“I’ll have to do it this way, then, if I don’t want negative attention.”

“If you don’t want attention, you’ll have to change your clothes, pronouns, and name. There’s nothing wrong with transgender people who don’t change these things, but they do get attention.”

I just nodded.

“We can just call you Mattie, if you want,” suggested Amy.

“Heather,” I whispered inaudibly. The name seemed to well up from nowhere, but it felt right. Anyway, if I was going to do this, I could have any name I wanted.

“What was that?” she asked.

“Heather. I want to be Heather,” I said.