Digital Times Early Morning News Hot off the internet: Our Star reporter Rachel Keller, tells us that with the rising budget crisis and the recently announced recession now officially upon us. Newly dispossessed homeowners are turning to the internet. The most affordable source of cheap housing, and new developments are springing up all over the net. Where once Second Life was the only Virtual online community, now there are dozens, and hundreds more are in the works. What are these people going to do with their bodies when they move online? The answer comes from New World Digital, or so they say. Seems these bright chaps from down under have come up with a way to digitize organic substances. So your answer folks, is that they are actually physically moving online. Wish them luck, and all happiness. No idea what you’d do about lag, viruses, worms, bots, hackers, you know the nasty little things the world of computing throws at you, though. Guess we’ll be hearing about that in the future. G’day Mates.
Digital Times Early Morning News Hot off the internet: Our Star reporter Rachel Keller, brings us new and interesting news bytes. Good NEWS for all you Trans kiddies out there in digiland ‘A NEW YOU’ recently launched division of Digital Worlds Ltd. Has announced fully customizable lifestyle packages for new and current digital citizens. Tired of the old you want to be younger, taller, shorter, different gender, sexual orientation, you name it ‘A NEW YOU’ can give it to you. That’s right kiddies the lines are forming fast so don’t take too long making your decision or you’re gonna be in queue a long time. Wonder if it comes with a guarantee? Guess we’ll be hearing about that in the future. G’day Mates.
Digital Times Early Morning News Hot off the internet: Our Star reporter Rachel Keller, brings us new and interesting news bytes. Pandemonium reigns as A NEW YOU the recently opened and now stellar profit division of Digital Worlds Ltd. announced the release of the first of its new product line ‘Mythological You’ the "Centaur". {Quote from an anonymous source inside the testing center: My God I’ll never go back to normal men again. I’ve never been so satisfied in my entire life.} There are groups on both sides of the issue half demanding that the line be terminated the other half demanding that it be expanded immediately. While A NEW YOU and Digital Worlds Ltd. sit calmly in the middle and claim immunity from any national or international jurisprudence. Oddly enough no nation seems to be disputing the claim at this time Guess we’ll be hearing more about that in the future. G’day Mates.
Digital Times Early Morning News Hot off the internet: Our Star reporter Rachel Keller, brings us new and interesting news bytes. CRACKING KRAKATOA another breakthrough for the Green Gaia Energy Corporation. Brama Satturi spokesperson for Gaia announced this morning that a 100 terawatt geothermal plant has now come on line on the Isle of Krakatau the site of the largest volcanic explosion in recorded history. With this announcement Oil stocks took another sharp hit on the World Wide Stock Exchange plummeting to less than $0.75 a barrel. Green Gaia in response to the huge layoffs in the oil industry has offered training and job placement to any oil related jobless. This news seems to have quieted the picketers and stopped the embargoes against GGE power. Will this begin solve the problems left over from overuse of petrochemicals?
Guess we’ll be hearing more about that in the future. G’day Mates.
Digital Times Early Morning News
Hot off the internet: Our Star reporter Rachel Keller, brings us new and interesting news bytes. New World Digital WELCOMES 2.23 Million new citizens. Montana Cryogenic Labs and New World Digital reached an agreement allowing victims of the, to date incurable New Plague who are in cryo- stasis to be allowed access to digitization. Virtually none of the family members of the victims refused to allow their loved ones the chance at a new life saying that quote: "Any life is better than being a corpse-sicle."
Guess we’ll see if they feel the same in the future. G’day Mates.
Hot off the internet: Our Star reporter Rachel Keller, tells us that Aquatica has joined Atlantis and now neither underwater city is open to new residents. Spokespersons for both cities when contacted via the net would only comment that they were already overcrowded and didn’t need any more problems. Several private submarines were warned off by Aquatica Security forces this morning as they tried to force dock with the city. ASF is now broadcasting an all channel warning to unauthorized craft that they will shoot to kill if the craft comes within their 1km closed security zone.
With World population density already at 10 billion and growing daily, the question is where we are going to house all these citizens.
Guess we’ll need to keep working on that in the future. G’day Mates.
Digital Times Early Morning News
Hot off the internet: Our Star reporter Rachel Keller, brings us new and interesting news bytes. The Green Gaia Energy Corporation’s spokesperson Brama Satturi issued a press release stating that Gaia had completed the first of its seven transoceanic power conduits. Theses sub-oceanic conduits will transfer the power from their Krakatau geothermal plant to a substation on the mainland of each continent. From there your normal power companies would be able to purchase power and distribute it to their customers.
Satturi warned against anyone attempting to enter the conduits as there are being used to transmit raw energy without the standard cabling. His best description of this process is likening it to ball or chain lightning. Sounds like quite a show if nothing else. Wonder if cable has rights to show the fireworks?
Guess we’ll be hearing more about that in the future. G’day Mates.
Hot off the internet: Our Star reporter Rachel Keller, brings us new and interesting news bytes. NEXT GENERATION INC. Has finally achieved what they have been dreaming about for the last 50 years. They have managed to launch a colony ship, fully stocked with DNA mapping of every major Earth species; 250 thousand colonists in stasis tubes, with robotics and digitized citizens to guide their multi-generation journey. Without announcing a destination Next Generation estimates that the trip will take the ship almost 435 years at full thrust to reach their destination. Damn just thinking of sleeping for that long makes me tired.
Guess we’ll be hearing more about that in the future. G’day Mates.
Digital Times Early Morning News
Hot off the internet: Our Star reporter Rachel Keller, brings us new and interesting news bytes. Coppers nab serial rapist! This is News of the century, according to women’s groups throughout the country. The Terror as he was known from headlines or ‘Just call me Jack’ as he was reputed to tell his victims when he introduced himself prior to raping them, was apprehended by police special forces when he attempted to rape an undercover police woman. Jack was thought to have committed the violent rapes of as many as 148 females from the ages of 15-43. Using the Jurisprudence 4000 “Jack” was tried, convicted, and sentenced within an hour of his capture. According to new standards introduced in the justice system “Jack” will be allowed one single appeal before his sentence is carried out. However, even with earlier models of the Jurisprudence model of trial computers the instance of there being a reversal was rare. To date with the 4000 no verdict has been overturned.
“Jack’s” sentence is the most unusual to date however, many feel it is very appropriate. Should “Jacks’” single appeal fail he will be sentenced to serve life without the possibility of parole as a female canine. That’s correct, my dear readers he will be kenneled as a breeding bitch for the remainder of his natural life. There is some talk of the punishment being cruel and unusual but I don’t think the studs will mind one bit.
Guess we’ll be hearing more about that discussion in the future. G’day Mates.
Issue 10 (00 00 10 10) 14 Dec, 2008
Digital Times Early Morning News
Hot off the internet: Our Star reporter Rachel Keller, brings us new and interesting news bytes. New World Digital Ltd. announced another breakthrough in digitization today from their entertainment division, Real Digital. The spokesperson for RD explained that they had developed a process that allows digitized citizens to play MMORPG’s (massive multi-player online role playing games) with full sensory input. In laymen’s terms this basically means that you can live out whatever RP you previously had to watch on a screen. That’s right folks want to be a Knight of the Round, a dragon, an Interstellar pilot? You name the game and RP will set you up and let you loose. You are theoretically able to live and die thousands of times in these games with absolutely no harm to you what-so-ever. I think I'll check this one out myself.
Guess we’ll be hearing more about that happens in the future. G’day Mates.
Issue 11 (00 00 10 11) 15 Dec, 2008
Digital Times Early Morning News
Hot off the internet: Our Star reporter Rachel Keller, brings us new and interesting news bytes. Yeast Based Plastic? Mobile Oil announced this morning that their research scientists had discovered a reliable substitute for petrochemical based plastics. A new yeast product that they have been testing has been approved by Underwriters Laboratories as a substitute for normal plastic in all electrical wiring applications. For the first time in over 5 years Mobile’s stocks have actually topped their all time record high. Mobile has announced the recall of all of their previously laid off workers and anticipates hiring more workers as demand for their product increases. Guess we’ll be hearing more about that in the future. G’day Mates.
FINAL Issue (00 00 11 00) 16 Dec. 2008
Digital News Early Morning Edition
As the editors of the Digital Times we are sorry to announce that our star reporter Rachel Keller has decided to leave us and pursue her writing career.
However,Miss Keller has promised us a first look at her new Novella 'Nightmares and Dreamscapes' before it goes to press. Knowing her writing abilities it promises to be a worthy read. Miss Keller cited her columns failing readership and the amount of time she will be putting into writing her novella as the reasons for her decision to leave the News.
We would like to thank all of Miss Kellers faithful readers and commenters for their continued support.
As to her novella guess we'll be hearing more about that in the future. G'day Mates.