I’d just finished putting the last coat of varnish on my latest job when I saw the silhouette of someone standing in the doorway of my Workshop.
“I’ll be with you in a minute or so. I need to clean the brush before the varnish on it dries,” I called out to the person. The person didn’t answer so I took it as they didn’t object.
My name is John Smith. Yes, really, that is my given name. I’m one of a growing band of people all over the country who take stuff that would otherwise end up in recycling or landfill and repurpose them so that they can be used again. Some of us have even become quite famous thanks to TV shows like ‘Money for Nothing’. No me but one can hope eh?
The side effect of those shows is that a few more people were appreciative of us ‘up cyclers’.
My upscaling usually involves metal or wood. I prefer the latter mostly because I'm a time-served cabinet maker by profession. My current job had been to bring new life into a set of 1960s 'G-Plan' dining chairs. With the help of another local up cycler, Rosy Shorrocks, who is a wizard with fabrics and upholstery, we’d totally transformed the dull brown wood and orange/beige padded seats into something far more vibrant and very saleable. She’d been around earlier in the day to take some photos for the internet. If our past work was anything to go by, they’d sell well in terms of price and speed of sale. That would clear some space for another project. Quite what that was, as they say, ‘up in the air’.
I stopped my daydreaming and finished cleaning my brush. Finally, I washed my hands before returning to the main part of my workshop wiping my hands with a clean towel.
“Hello.”
“Sorry for the delay, but I really did need to clean the brush properly.”
“That’s all right. I’m not in a hurry.”
“My name is John Smith and this is my business. How can I help you? Ms?”
“Alex. Alex Barnes.”
The woman who stood before me was stunningly beautiful. Her long blonde hair shimmered in the afternoon light. Everything about her oozed money and self-confidence.
“Well Alex, can I interest you in some re-purposed chairs by any chance? Once the varnish has dried and I’ve given them a polish, that is…”
She managed a smile.
“Not today but I understand that you do commissions?
“I do, but those are few and far between these days,” I said feeling slightly surprised.
“I may have an interesting one for you.”
“What sort of thing is it that you want?”
“It is a little difficult to describe. Can I show you a short video to help?”
“Sure. If that will help explain it then great. Shall we adjourn to my office? There are a couple of chairs there.”
She smiled back at me so I led the way.
“Please take a seat. Can I get you anything to drink? Coffee or coffee I’m afraid. I drank the last of the tea earlier.”
“No, I’m fine.”
Without waiting, she took a tablet out of the large shoulder bag that she was carrying.
“This is what I’m talking about.”
She started the video playing. At first, I was a bit shocked by the content of the video. Then I became a bit intrigued by the device that was featured in the video. She let it play to the end and closed the tablet.
“Can you make me something like that?”
“It seemed rather crude to be honest.”
“It is but can you make one? I mean a really nice one. Proper wood, polished and smooth. So that it would not look out of place in a home. I mean as a centre piece by the way… Something that befitted your undoubted skills as a cabinet maker.”
My mind was already racing away thinking about the wood and the finish and a dozen other things.
“It is certainly an interesting and very unique item of furniture. You did want it as one piece given the sort of finish that you mentioned?”
“Oh yes. That’s what I want. Can you do it? Are you willing to do it?”
“First things first. You want me to make you a set of stocks and like the one in the video, they are to be self-locking. Once someone is in them, they are stuck until someone lets them out? Am I correct in that assumption?”
“That is almost correct. I’d like a fail-safe. Something like a timer that makes the release mechanism open after a set amount of time. Is that possible?”
“That makes me a lot happier but even so, I’d need you to sign a release in case something goes wrong. The last thing I want is to be hit with a huge lawsuit. Even the repurposed furniture I sell is done on the understanding that it is ‘as seen’.”
“I understand your point of view. I’m sure that it won’t be a problem.”
It was already clear that she was determined to go through with this. The idea of a self-locking mechanism appealed to me but I didn’t have a clue where to start. I needed some time to think things through.
“How urgent is this?”
“It is now the beginning of September. They would make an ideal Christmas present don’t you think?”
“Oh? I thought that it was for you?”
She grinned back at me.
“It is. Can’t a girl give herself a present?”
She had me there.
“Ok. I need to do some investigation into the locking mechanism and how I could fit a safety device. Can you come back a week today?”
“That would be fine. What about cost?”
“As you want it in Oak, that will need to be seasoned Oak. I think about four hundred and fifty for the materials and three of weeks of my time by the time it is finished which is another seven hundred and fifty worth of my time. As for the lock and release mechanism, I have no idea at this point in time. I’ll probably have a better idea in a week.”
Alex thought for a few seconds.
“That will be fine.”
Then she reached into her bag and pulled out a black leather wallet.
With a few deft moves, ten £50 notes appeared in her hand.
“Will this be sufficient for your investigations? To oil the wheels so to speak?”
The amount slightly shocked me but I took it.
“It will be more than adequate.”
Alex stood up.
“Then we have a deal for the first part of my project. Here is my card. If you get tied up with other work and can’t get the preliminaries completed in time, please give me a call. If I don’t hear from you, I’ll see you a week from today if that is agreeable?”
She handed me the business card.
I felt as if she'd taken control of the whole thing. For some strange reason, it didn't matter one little bit.
I did rectify the situation a little by giving her a receipt for the initial payment.
[one week later]
To say that I was nervous about Alex returning was a total underestimation of how I really felt inside. I’d lost count of the times I’d picked up her card and debated calling her to call the whole thing off. I would have even sent her the £500 that she’d left with me back except that her card didn’t have any address on it. The total sum of information on her card was a mobile phone number. No name, no email, no landline and no address. A real woman of mystery.
I’d done some research on a self-locking mechanism. It became clear that it needed to be a failsafe of some sort. If the battery ran down, it would release. My problem was that this sort of kit is not available off the shelf and I don’t have any real skills in software development. I’d flunked ICT at school. I could just about manage a static website for my business and that was it. I'd need professional help and lots of it for this part. That might well bump the cost up considerably and even increase the timescales. I wasn’t sure if I could actually make the device she wanted before Christmas. If I did, it would probably cost a lot more than I’d estimated. If it was to be as she said, a centrepiece of a room then it needed to be perfect.
Then, there was how I felt towards her. Stunningly beautiful and obviously intelligent but very mysterious. I’d love to be able to get to know her better but she was way., way out of my league. The clothes she wore when she visited me probably cost her more than I’d earn in a very good month. Doing what I do for a living is very satisfying but it is not going to make me rich anytime soon.
With a sigh, I finished sanding down a late Victorian ‘gate leg' table that had been stored in a shed for the last fifty years. The thing was made of really good oak and I'd use part of the tabletop for the stocks should I ever get to make it.
Deciding to use old oak for the job was a no-brainer. There was something very satisfying about working with timber that had been felled over 100 years before I was born. There was something about the grain and texture that was very hard to find in modern materials. I blamed kiln drying for a lot of the issues. Modern oak that had been dried that way tends to crack whereas naturally dried material is very stable. Just the opposite of 'green oak' which is perfect for structures such as frames to houses.
Part of my workshop was used as storage for reclaimed material. I scoured farm and factory sales for a supply of good wood and metal. Recycling applies to raw materials and not just too manufactured items.
Right at the back of my yard, there were half a dozen large pieces of English Walnut. Those alone were worth almost a thousand pounds each. With all the Oak, Ash and Elm that I had acquired over the years, I knew that I could make her project with almost zero cost in wood. The price I had quoted was for replacement stock. The biggest stumbling block was the electronics and electro-mechanical parts. Quality woodwork needs metalwork of equal quality. These were hard to find. Most of the stuff on the market is made in China. Even the most expensive parts were not right for this piece. It had been clear to me that she wanted to be proud of her stocks. It was up to me to make that happen should I decide to accept the commission.
In amongst the salvage, there was an oak table top that would be ideal for the base for the piece. The legs had been ravaged by woodworm but the top had survived almost intact.
I was actually relishing getting some real carpentry done for a change. It had been a while since anyone had wanted a proper custom-made piece of furniture. I didn’t count the odd kitchen that I made from oak or ash in that. Most of them could be made by machine and finished by hand. This project would need a lot of care and finesse if I was not going to waste a lot of valuable material.
My daydreaming was cut short by a car pulling up outside my workshop. A quick look through the window told me that it was the same Mercedes CLS that she'd been in on her previous visit. A chauffeur opened the door for her to get out. Just as before, she was dressed to kill. Classy and sexy, but not tarty.
I wiped my hands to remove any dirt from the sanding and went to the door to meet her.
“Hello again, Ms Barnes,” I said happily.
She smiled but it was only a half-smile.
“Alex please.”
“Please come into my workshop, Alex.”
That got me a warmer smile. She walked right on into my domain.
“I was in the process of sanding down this old Victorian table top. I’d use it in your commission.”
“I would have thought that you would use new material?”
“Much of what I do here is to take old furniture and salvage it. The parts that are worth using again, I save. I think I have enough wood here for your project. That would save on the cost of materials.”
“Cost isn’t the object. How it looks and works is what is important to me.”
“I totally agree. New wood can be a little green and can crack as it dries. This is not the case for old wood. Most Oak that is commercially available might say that it is seasoned but it really needs three to four years gently drying out before it makes the best furniture. From what you have told me, I see your stocks as part of the furniture for a long time to come. I have earmarked a number of pieces for your project none of them were felled less than a hundred years ago. Most of it comes from old dining tables which no one seems to want these days.”
“You are going to do it then?”
“My only problem is the locking mechanisms. I have some ideas. Perhaps we can discuss them over a cup of tea?”
She grinned.
“You haven’t drunk it all then?”
“No, I restocked at the weekend. There is even a choice. Green Tea, Darjeeling or Earl Grey.”
“Green Tea please. Just as it comes.”
“Perfect. I’ll put the kettle on if you will come into my office.”
When she'd left, I looked at the new pile of £50 notes that was now sitting on my desk and sighed. Her perfume lingered in the air. She smelled delightful. Alex knew that she was beautiful, but didn’t flaunt it like some so-called social media stars. I still couldn't get my head around why she wanted a pair of stocks sized for herself, but as the old saying goes, 'the customer is always right'.
Later that day, I posted an ad on a couple of ‘gig-economy’ sites for someone to build the control and safety mechanism. I described it as best I could without giving too much away. I had a fair idea about what sort of solution would do but lacked the skills to implement it. I hoped that I get a good number of bids for the work so that I could evaluate and compare them. The other thing I hoped was that someone not too far away would get the work. At least then, I could meet them to discuss things in person.
I waited for two days before looking at the job sites. To my dismay, there was only one serious bid for the work. The upside was that the applicant only lived about twenty miles away. Their quote for the job was very reasonable, so I closed the bidding and arranged a meeting with the winner, 'J Swift'. For a moment, I wondered if the author 'Jonathan Swift' had come back from the dead. Naturally, that was impossible, but it did cause me to smile for a few seconds.
The feedback reports on their work had all shown a positive view. I read every one, and none of the more than fifty reviews had said anything bad to say about their work. All were positive about the interaction between the client and the contractor. I hope that this would bode well for my job.
I sent off an email requesting a meeting to discuss the job. Being an old school sort of person, I preferred to meet people face to face that try to do everything ‘over the internet’.
The following day, I started work on the main part of the stocks namely, the base and vertical column. I had all the materials to hand so it didn’t take me long to get all the parts for the base cut and shaped. After I’d cut out the receptacle for the vertical post, I got down to the work that I enjoyed the most, precision carpentry or cabinet making.
I was so engrossed in my work that I failed to notice that I had a visitor.
At first, I thought that it was Alex. Her face was nearly identical but their hair was brown rather than blonde.
“Hello,” I said trying not to stare too much.
“Can I help you?”
She smiled.
“I think it is rather the other way around. J Swift at your service.”
I must have looked a bit shocked.
“I was in the area and I decided to call by.”
“How… How long were you standing there? I’m John, John Smith by the way.”
She grinned.
“About five minutes. You were so engrossed in your work that I felt rather guilty at interrupting you.”
“Thanks. I tend to get like that sometimes. Before you know it, half the day has gone.”
She grinned again. She had the same smile as Alex. Everything about her screamed to me that she was Alex’s sister but there was something a little off.
“Please come on in.”
“I don’t want to disturb you. I know how hard it can be to pick up the thread of where you are after an interruption.”
This time I smiled.
“It’s fine. I’ve just about finished this part. I need to make another part fit and then I can glue them together.”
“Did you want to talk over my little project?”
“Actually, a bit more than that. I knocked up a prototype and thought that it might be best to show you here rather than in a Coffee Shop.”
“That’s quick. But please come on through into my office. I’ll put the kettle on. Sanding wood always makes me thirsty.”
“Tea, Milk and no sugar. I’ll go and get my things from the car.”
I’d put the kettle on and found a couple of clean mugs for the tea. While I waited for it to boil, I wondered if I should tell her that she looked like Alex? I decided against it. Alex appeared to be a very private person so I'd let things play themselves out.
I was just pouring the tea when she returned carrying a cardboard box and a laptop case over one shoulder. It was clear that she’d come prepared.
“Take a seat and we can have a chat before your demo,”
“Thanks.”
I passed her a mug and a bottle of milk.
Once she’d poured some milk into the mug, I asked,
“What does the ‘J’ stand for?”
“Jan. It actually stands for Johanna but I prefer to be called Jan. I use the initial as it makes my name stand out a bit.”
“Like the author of Gullivers Travels?”
She noticeable winced.
“Sorry.”
“That’s all right. I’ve gotten used to it over the years.”
I watched as she drank some tea.
“What have you put together for me to see?”
She put down her mug and took out her phone.
“I made this app for an Android phone. It talks Blue-Tooth to the electronics which is based on a Raspberry Pi-Zero which controls a couple of model railway points motors. That’s the locking mechanism.”
“Sounds pretty comprehensive but a bit beyond me I’m afraid.”
Jan smiled.
“That’s what I’m for isn’t it?”
I sat back and looked at her again. The resemblance to Alex was uncanny.
“What’s the end project if I’m allowed to ask?” said Jan.
I’d been dreading this question.
“Please don’t laugh but it is for a pair of Stocks.”
She tittered and smiled.
“This wouldn’t be for someone called Alex by any chance?”
She’d got me in one but before I could answer she added,
“She’s my sister.”
“Yes. How did you guess?”
“She was talking about getting some when we last met then a few weeks ago, she tipped me off about going ahead.”
“I feel like I’ve been played?”
“Not at all. She lives her life and I live mine. We meet once or twice a year to exchange birthday presents. We are as different as chalk and cheese despite having the same parents.”
Then Jan said,
“You do know that she’s a Dominatrix, don’t you?”
Her words stunned me.
“You are kidding, aren’t you?”
“No. She has men into her dungeon and charges them an arm and a leg and let her humiliate them, or tie them up and other bits of stuff that I don’t want to know about.”
I sighed.
“That explains the big Merc that she turned up in.”
Jan shook her head.
“That belongs to her sugar daddy. He runs an investment company in the City.”
“They sound like an unusual couple?”
Jan shook her head.
“He was a client of hers right at the beginning. Then he wanted more than that so they struck a deal. That was over eight years ago. It seems to work well.”
Her voice seemed to tail off a bit at the end.
“Do I detect a tinge of jealously?”
“Ha-ha. Not on your life. I could not do what she does. No, not jealous of what she does. Possibly a bit envious of her life in general. Oh, don’t get me wrong, she did ask me to join her but I don’t have the appetite to humiliate men like she does.”
“Can you explain the stocks? Why does she want them for herself to practice self-bondage?”
“That is a mystery to me. When she told me about the idea last New Year, I laughed and wondered why but Alex has always been a one of a kind. But hey, she’s paying the bill so who are we to argue eh?”
She had a point but there was still a mystery to be solved.
“I think I should see what you have done don’t you think?”
“I’m a tinkerer in this sort of thing. I had a lot of this stuff done already because I am a member of a Model Railway Club plus, I wrote a programme to run a model railway to a defined schedule for my Masters.”
“You have a Masters?”
“For my sins yeah. It is in control engineering and I applied statistical control techniques to the problem.”
I was impressed.
“We done for that. I just have a couple of woodworking certs.”
Jan laughed.
“From what I see, you are a skilled worker and obviously love what you are doing.”
That was my cue to laugh.
“Most of the time I’m more likely to be found re-purposing old furniture and the like. I tried to flog a set of chairs to your sister when she first came and asked me to look into this project.”
“She said no, I’ll bet?”
“Yeah. It didn’t matter that much. I sold them a few days later and made a hundred and fifty quid on the deal.”
“Doesn’t sound like much?”
“It isn’t really but I make enough to live. Every few months, I get a kitchen to make or refurb, and that makes me a good wad of cash. Most of that I invest in the workshop.”
“You seem to enjoy what you do?”
“I do and that makes up for having a lot less money coming in. Job satisfaction and being my own boss has its own benefits that really can’t be put into monetary terms. I love the work but it is not going to make me rich any time soon.”
Jan grinned.
“Yeah. I know. Before going out on my own, I was working in IT for a bank in the city. The job was interesting at first but then it got really boring so eventually, I left and setup on my own offering my services to the gig economy. There are a lot of timewasters but every so often I get a ‘gig’ that interests me.”
“Which brings you here today.”
“It does.”
While we’d been talking, I’d used the app to set a release time. We both watched the clock and two seconds after the allotted time, the motor whirred and the test was done.
“It looks like you have done most of the work already.”
“I still have the failsafe to work on. That will be a lot more difficult to test properly. Then there are some loose edges that need cleaning up.”
“That’s to be expected.”
I sat back and watched as Jan packed up her things. I was feeling a lot happier about the whole project.
“When will you have it all finished?”
“The end of next week. If you can come next Friday, we can try fitting your bits to the structure. I know how much space to allow for the mechanisms and for running the control and power wires.”
“Are they all going to be buried inside?”
“Oh yes. The plan is that everything but the top of that little box will be hidden away.”
“I know where I can get a separate Bluetooth receiver device. That would allow it all to be hidden. If you could mount it somewhere on the front of the vertical piece then I think that the end result will look much better.”
“Sounds good. Can you email me a picture and its dimensions then I can make allowances for it in the assembly.”
I showed Jan out of my workshop. The difference between her and her sister was very evident. Alex was being driven around in a big Mercedes while Jan drove a twenty-year-old and decidedly rusty Peugeot Hatchback. But… I got the feeling that Jan was happier in herself than Alex.
Back in my office, I sat down and thought about the encounter. While Alex was very, very beautiful, Jan was much more down to earth. Much more my type.
I shook my head and told me not to be so stupid as to think she might be interested in a person like me, especially after just one meeting. I put that down to the fact that I'd been spending far too much time on my own recently. Recently, turned out to be almost nine months since my last girlfriend had dumped me for a footballer who played for a League 2 team. I'd read later that he'd been sacked for sexual misconduct with a female physio.
Still, it would be nice to have someone to work with even if it was likely to be only temporary.
[to be continued]
[The following Friday]
I had finished making all the parts for the device the previous evening. I caressed the smooth wood like you do a newborn baby. Like all my custom pieces I’d grown to love it despite its primary use. I went to bed satisfied that I had made a piece of furniture and one that I was proud to put my signature on.
My last task was to oil and polish the wood. The linseed oil brought out the grain of the wood. The finest aged English Oak and Ash had been a real pleasure to work with. As I assembled it for the final time, I caressed the wood once again. It had been a long time since I'd built a piece of furniture from scratch, even if it wasn't fine furniture in the classical sense.
Even in the morning light, the sight of the thing gave me the willies even though I’d built it myself.
I covered it up with a dustsheet and got on with cleaning up my workshop. There was fine dust from the sanding just about everywhere, even on my metalworking lathe. That was going to require a different sort of cleaning if the dust was not going to mix with the oil and cutting fluid and end up in a sticky mess that if it was left to dry, it would set hard.
I take great pride in my workshop. Sadly, that could not be said for my home, which was located above the workshop. I generally gave it a good clean once a month, and that's about it. My enthusiasm for making the device had gotten the better of me, and the place was even more untidy than unusual. The last thing I needed was for Jan to want to use the toilet. I made sure that the one at the back of my workshop was clean and sweet-smelling. I'd even made an effort to tidy up my office. I couldn't have a lady thinking that I was a slob.
More than once in the past week, I'd tried to work out what were or weren't my feelings towards Jan. I still wasn't sure but the one thing I did know was that we could work together. That isn't always the case as I'd found out to my cost. That event was the reason that I'd set up on my own. But that was in the past, and this was now.
Jan arrived right on cue as I’d just put the kettle on.
“Hey, Jan. You are just in time for tea, ok?”
“Great. I’ll unpack my bits while you be mother.”
I resisted laughing at her comment. I was the host so playing ‘mother’ was no big deal.
Jan demonstrated the changes she’d made while we drank the tea. As far as I could see, she’d covered all the points I’d considered and a good few more as well.
“I think it is time to see if this all fits into the structure,” I said as I walked towards the device.
With a bit of a flourish, I removed the dust sheet that had been covering it from sight.
Jan let out a small shriek.
“Alex will love this,” she said as she caressed the wood.
“What about it as a thing?”
“Interesting and she’ll want to try it out as soon as she sees it.”
“That’s what it is for, isn’t it? Doing it yourself?” I asked.
Jan just grinned. She reminded me of Alex so much when she did that.
Almost two hours later, we’d installed all the electronics and the mechanical releases and were ready to test the operation.
“I think another mug of tea would be good,” said Jan as we admired our handiwork.
“Good idea.”
I turned away and went to put the kettle on. I also took the opportunity to go to the toilet.
As I washed my hands afterwards, I thought back to how we'd worked together. It was as if we'd been doing it for years. There was no arguing over who did what, we just worked so well. I felt a tinge of sadness when I realised that we may well not get the chance to do it again.
When I returned to the kitchen, I found the kettle boiling and no sign of Jan getting the mugs ready. Then I saw her. She was in the stocks.
I switched off the kettle and went out into the workshop.
"Sorry. I just could not resist it," she said, grinning from ear to ear.
I sighed and shook my head.
“How long?”
"I set it for 10 minutes. I'm gasping for some tea," she replied, still smiling.
I picked up the phone that was being used as a remote control and looked at the display. The countdown timer said 4:23.
“You have just over four minutes more then we’ll see if the release mechanism works as predicted. In the meantime, I’ll make the tea.”
I left her alone and returned to my office. I should have known that Jan would want to get one over on her sister. There was nothing I could do about it. Then I realised I didn’t want to do anything about it. That felt a little odd.
I put those thoughts to one side and made two mugs of tea. While it was brewing, I opened a new packet of Plain Chocolate Digestives. I put everything onto a tray and carried it into the workshop.
Jan was testing the solidarity of the locking mechanism. So far, it had refused to let her out.
I looked at the countdown timer again. Thirty seconds.
“Not long to wait,” I said.
Jan just grinned at me.
“You are enjoying this aren’t you?”
“Why shouldn’t I? After all, it isn’t every day that a pretty woman comes into my workshop and locks herself up?”
Jan laughed.
“I see your point.”
“Someone needed to test it for real and you volunteered.”
I looked at the timer.
“Twenty seconds.”
Time dragged by as I watched the time countdown to 0:00.
“Three… Two… One… Zero…”
Then there was silence. I stood up feeling slightly worried about the operation.”
“Wait up to ten seconds,” said Jan confidently.
Sure enough, the words had hardly come out of her mouth when there was a series of clicks from the locks, and she was free.
I lifted the top piece away to allow Jan to stand up. Then I released her legs from the lower part of the device.
“How was it?” I asked as she sat beside me massaging her wrists.
“A bit tight over the wrist and the leg trap dug into my shin. Otherwise, it was fine.”
“Alex did specify the height of the leg trap as you call it. She said that she’d be wearing heels. You aren’t so that’s probably why. As for the wrist being tight, I made it so. It is meant to be tight but not too tight. Alex was most specific about not wanting to be able to get her arms out so I made it for her wrists.”
“Ok. She was always the one to be in heels and as a Dominatrix, it would sort of be expected that she’d want to use them in her domination of her clients.”
“You seem to be saying that you don’t like them?”
Jan glared at me.
“What is it with men and high heels?”
I managed a small laugh.
“It makes you different from us poor sods. To me, they make a statement that says, ‘I’m willing to put my feet through torture to make me stand out from you dullards’.”
Jan didn’t say anything so I carried on.
“Women get so much choice in what you can wear and most women take some pride in their appearance. Isn’t it true that the harshest critic of how a woman looks is another woman? In many animal species, one sex goes all out to attract members of the opposite sex. This is often through extravagant displays of plumage and colour in the mating season. In most of nature, it is the male that shows the colours but with us, many women look down on flamboyant men. Only for a brief period in the time of Prince Regent did the ‘dandies’ rule otherwise the norm is for women to look good.”
“So, we are expected to dress to the nines just to attract a mate?”
“Not really. I’ve known a few women who couldn’t care less about how they looked. The plainer the better as far as they were concerned. I found those women were also pretty dull to be with. They were not stupid. Quite the opposite. Their brain was entirely focused on one thing and that was their work and making the big bucks. At the other end, there are the dumb blondes who have nothing but their looks. In the middle, there are those who like to as you say, dress up to the nines when the occasion demands and look good. Looking good and feeling good about themselves.”
“That puts me in the dullard category then? Gee, thanks.”
“I don’t know. I’ve only seen you in a work environment. The same goes for you with respect to me. For all you know, I might be a drag queen
who goes for the total glam look at the right time and place.”
Jan burst out laughing.
“I really can’t see you as a drag queen.”
“I’m not but I was using it as an example of how we view others based upon our first impressions. I don’t know what you do in your private life and vice-versa.”
Jan was quiet for a few seconds.
“It sounds to me that you would like to go out on a date with me?”
I smiled.
“I would very much like that but not until our business here is concluded.”
“You don’t want to mix business with pleasure I suppose?”
“Something like that. I tried it in the past and I got well and truly burned.”
“From the tone of your voice, it sounds like you came off really bad?”
“How does getting fleeced and made a laughing stock on social media sound?”
“Not good. Social media can be very anti-social.”
“But that is in the past. In the here and now, I need to contact Alex to arrange delivery. Do you know where she lives? Her business card only contained a phone number.”
Jan laughed.
“That’s Alex down to a ‘T’. She has a business dungeon in London, close to Borough Market. However, I would guess that this is for her home which is on Ashdown Forest south of East Grinstead. I’ve never been there but I have a good idea where it is.”
“Why don’t you get on the phone with your sister while I dismantle this and pack it up? We wouldn’t want some nosy neighbour getting the wrong idea now, would we?”
Jan laughed as she went to find her phone.
I’d just wrapped up the cross member in bubble wrap when Jan returned.
“Monday afternoon after four. She’s texting me the address.”
I thought for a moment.
“I guess that means that you are coming along as well?”
“Why not? I’ll bring my laptop, so if there are any changes, I can do them on the spot. Besides, it has been more than nine months since I saw my sister.”
“You aren’t close then?”
Then I realised that I’d probably put my foot in it.
“Sorry.”
Jan smiled.
“That’s ok. We aren’t close. We had a big falling out about four years ago. We didn’t speak for nearly three years. We aren’t exactly close. As I said before, she moves in a very different world to me. I am not into this Domination business although there are a few people that I’d like to humiliate and not all of them are men.”
I took that last statement as a warning.
[Monday Afternoon, somewhere in Ashdown Forest]
“Oh… that’s the Pooh Sticks bridge!” exclaimed Jan as I did my best to navigate some unfamiliar and very narrow roads in torrential rain.
“There! Turn there!” cried Jan as I went past a turning on the right.
A brief look in the mirror told me that I’d have to find a place to turn around because there was a car on my tail
“I’ll have to find a place to turn around.”
Jan looked at her watch. The clock on the dash of my ancient Citroen van hadn’t worked since I’d bought it some three years before.
“Hurry up. Alex won’t appreciate us being late.”
I chuckled.
“We aren’t her clients. She is our client.”
Jan laughed, but I knew what she meant.
I found a place to pull over and turn around. This time I found the turning onto ‘Roman Road’. I guessed that it was the track of an old Roman Road.
“This is part of the old Roman Road from London to Lewes,” said Jan proudly.
“You know this how?”
“I was intrigued about the address so I spent a little time yesterday looking it up. Did you know that…”
“We are here,” I said as I pulled into the driveway of the house.
Jan remained quiet. She was looking at the building.
“It is a lot larger than I’d imagined.”
“There is a lot of money tied up here and that’s for sure.”
“Par for the course for a wanker,” said Jan.
“Don’t you mean Banker?”
“Wanker is what I meant. Bankers are wankers because they consider me a non-person when it comes to getting a business loan. Even with three years of audited accounts those wankers still said that I don’t qualify.”
I smiled. I knew the sort of problems she’d been through. I’d faced something very similar when I was setting up in business. I’d only got my loan because I sold a set of refurbished chairs to the local bank manager’s wife. Two months later, they closed the branch but I had my loan and I’d paid it off on time but that might not stop them from saying no in the future.
“Yep. Been there done that but it would do our cause a lot of good if you smiled sweetly if we happen to meet your sister’s man.”
“What’s this ‘our cause’ thing?”
“Do you want to get paid or not?”
“Ok. Got you.”
We walked up to the front door and used the large knocker. The sound echoed around inside the house.
A few seconds later, the door swung open and Alex appeared.
She smiled.
“Right on time. Hello Jan.”
“Hello, Alex. This is some pad you have here.”
“It is Gerd’s, but thanks.”
She stepped aside.
“Come on in and I’ll show you where I want the device set up.”
We followed her into the hallway. I guessed that the house was Edwardian with a sprinkling of ‘Art Deco’ thrown in for good measure. The wood-panelled hallway brought back memories of school. The corridor outside the headmaster’s office was just like this.
“I’d like it set up right there,” said Alex pointing to a spot right in the middle of the sitting room.
I asked, “Are you sure?”
“Absolutely.”
“Ok. We’ll bring it all in from my van and get it assembled.”
“How long do you think it will take?”
“About half an hour to assemble and do the initial tests.”
“Good,” said Alex.
“I’ll leave you to it. I’ll go and get changed.”
Alex didn’t wait for either of us to reply. She left us alone and headed up the stairs.
I looked at Jan, who hadn’t said much since the initial hellos.
“Are you ok?”
“Yes. It takes me a while to get used to the idea that Alex is actually talking to me.”
“Then make the most of our time here… unless she decides to ask us to stay the night.”
“I doubt that she will, but we can take it as it comes.”
“There it is all done and tested,” I said as our last test passed.
I looked at my watch.
“Twenty-six minutes.”
“It gets easier the more times you do it,” said Jan.
“Otherwise known as ‘Practice makes Perfect’.”
“Indeed.”
Right on time, Alex reappeared. She’d changed out of her day clothes into something more like what she’d wear when she was working as a Dominatrix.
She was wearing a black latex catsuit, high-heeled boots, black gloves and her head was covered in a lace hood. The only part of her entire body that was exposed was her mouth. Her lips were exquisitely lined in a bright red lip gloss.
“Like it?” said Alex when she saw our expressions.
“Different, certainly different,” I managed to say.
I looked at Jan. She had a look of disbelief on her face.
Alex ignored her sister and said,
“Shall we try this out? It looks just like I imagined.”
I tidied up the packing materials while Jan took Alex through the controls and how to charge the phone and the equipment that was built into the stocks.
I carried a load out to my van and breathed a sigh of relief. There was some tension between the sisters and not a lot of love. At least they weren’t fighting…
When I returned, Jan was telling Alex about the emergency unlock.
“Dial 911 in the app. I tried 999 but around half the time it tried to call the emergency services. It can’t because there is no SIM card in it and as long as you don’t connect it up to your Wi-Fi, it is pretty secure.”
“I think I have got it.”
“If you want to try them out for fit, please go right ahead,” I said.
“Set a short time in the app but loop the phone over your wrist for this test.”
Alex set a lock time of three minutes on the app and then looped the strap of the phone case over her wrist.
We stood back while Alex positioned first her feet and then herself and the top member in place. Then after a bit of juggling, the locks clicked home with a satisfying click. The device emitted a small bleep to signify that it was locked.
“Now try to get out?” I asked.
As much as Alex tried, she was stuck. A big smile appeared on her face as she tried everything she could to escape from the stocks.
There was a satisfying click as it released her after three minutes. Alex released herself from the device looking very pleased indeed.
“This is brilliant. I know a good number of people who’d like one of these. Are you interested?”
I hadn’t thought much about that sort of thing.
“I… I don’t know. It all depends upon Jan here. I couldn’t have done it without her.”
“Well, go away and think about it.”
Alex went over to a desk in the corner of the room. She removed an envelope from a drawer.
“You have done everything I wanted and more. This is a great piece of furniture.”
Her words pleased me no end.
“This is what I think the device is worth. It is a lot more than you quoted. You were very much underselling yourself. You won’t get anywhere if you don’t think big.”
I took the envelope. There was a big wad of cash inside. I almost opened it to count it but stopped myself just in time. It would be slightly rude or even crass not to trust her word.
“Thanks, Alex. We will think about what you said and let you know.”
I started putting away my tools hoping that Jan would take the hint that it was time for us to leave. She did and after saying goodbye, we left Alex alone.
Jan was quite silent for the first part of the journey back to my workshop.
“If you are going to stay quiet for the next two hours then ok but I get the feeling that you are bursting to say something even if it is just a scream?”
Jan let out a fairly stifled scream.
“That woman! Why do I feel like I want to strangle her after just a few minutes in her company? You know that she had nothing on under that… that thing?”
“That thing is a latex catsuit and may well be what she wears when she’s working as a Dominatrix. I’ll say one thing for your sister and that is she knows how to rub you up the wrong way. Whatever there was between you is your business but judging by the thickness of that envelope, we are both going to come out of this on top financially.”
“You can keep her blood money. I’m not a charity case you know!”
“I know that, but we earned that money. The customer is happy and that is what counts, isn’t it? If they decide to pay us extra then we are we to say no?”
Jan looked at me with daggers in her eyes.
“Ok then. I’ll pay you what we agreed and keep the rest on account for you should you change your mind.”
I could see that Jan wasn’t happy just by the way she was clenching her fists. I shut up and go on with driving. It had come on to rain and the next two hours were not going to be pleasant.
My estimate of two hours turned into nearly three with the delays on the M25 and M4. It was still chucking it down when we arrived at my workshop in south Oxfordshire. Neither of us said anything as we unloaded the van. I hated to end things like this but Jan was clearly not in a talkative mood.
We said our goodbyes and I left it at that. I just wanted to head upstairs and chill out for the evening.
I’d hardly set foot on the stairs when there was a banging on my workshop door.
Jan was standing there looking very bedraggled. The rain seemed even heavier than before.
“My car won’t start,” she exclaimed.
“Come on in out of that rain.”
She gladly came into the dry workshop.
“I’ll get my coat and take a look. What happened?”
“The engine sort of ran but it was like it was only firing on one or two cylinders out of four.”
“That sounds like the distributor.”
I put on my coat, grabbed a flashlight and her keys and disappeared into the blackness. It was times like these that I regretted not getting around to fitting an exterior light. I had one in a box somewhere in my store cupboard but… I could complain until I was blue in the face but it was not going to help me now.
I opened up the bonnet of her car and peered inside. It took me a few seconds to locate the distributor and only one more second to see what was the probable cause of the misfiring. There was a crack right up one side of the distributor cap. Her car was very old. So old that it had points on the ignition rather than electronic controls. Any dampness that got inside could stop it from working.
I unclipped the cap and looked at the rotor arm. There were clear signs of arcing which wasn’t good, not good at all.
After removing the four plug leads, I closed the bonnet and headed back into my workshop. Jan was sitting on a chair looking very sorry for herself.
“I’ve found the problem. Look?”
I showed her the crack and the rotor arm.
“Can you fix it?”
“I can do a temporary fix but it looks like you will have to stay the night.”
“Why?”
“I need to glue the crack shut. The only glue I have that will do this job takes at least six hours to harden even then, it is only a temporary repair. You need a new distributor cap and rotor arm and probably plug leads as well. The ones I saw looked pretty ropey if you ask me.”
Her shoulders sagged.
“Is there nothing you can do that will get me home? Can’t you just tape it together?”
“There is one thing, but I would not guarantee it to work very well. Remember, this is part of the engine and it gets hot. Unless it is a fire-resistant tape, it will just smoulder and could even catch fire. I could try putting a jubilee clip around it but the sides of the cap, are as you can see tapered so it will slip within a few minutes once the vibration from the engine starts to work.”
I smiled.
“I have a spare room. It is at least dry here and I have plenty of food. I made a big pot of Chilli yesterday. There is more than enough for both of us.”
“I don’t want to impose on you?”
“You are not imposing on me. I’m inviting you to stay, get out of those wet clothes and have something to eat.”
After a few seconds, she replied.
“Oh, very well. I accept.”
I smiled and led her through my office and up the stairs into my home.
“The spare room is there. I’ll sort out some bedding and some dry clothes for you,” I said as I showed her around.
“Here’s the kitchen.”
“Wow! This is very unexpected. It is gorgeous.”
“I made all the cupboards and drawers myself.”
“This sort of quality would cost a packet if you bought it from a shop.”
“I know and most of that would be mass-produced and made from Chipboard or MDF. This is all solid well matured and sustainable English Ash and reclaimed Oak. All the new timber came from within ten miles of here.”
“This is a work of art.”
“Hardly.”
Then I changed the subject.
“Do you know you are dripping all over my nice clean floor?”
Jan looked down at the growing puddle around her feet.
“Sorry.”
“No problem. Why don’t you head for the shower? I’ll find some clothes for you to wear. I’ll put them on the floor outside the door in a few minutes.”
“Thanks, John. Sorry about the floor.”
“Don’t mention it again, ok or I’ll get you to clean it next time.”
“Understood.”
I left her to take a shower while I searched my room for clothes.
There are two wardrobes in my bedroom. One was a no-go zone. I checked that it was locked and the key was safely out of sight. That left my stuff. I stood gazing at all my clothes for several minutes before I had an idea.
I dug down the back of my bottom drawer and bingo! I pulled out a set of PJs that I’d been given on my only flight in First Class. I’d been upgraded from Club on my last trip to Sydney to see… Georgina. I thought back to those heady days when I thought that I was in love with her only for her to up sticks and move to some god-forsaken fly-infested hell hole in the middle of New South Wales. I’d been so emotional that I’d booked the next flight I could to Sydney. I lucked out big time when I found that she’d been made a total fool of me. Georgina had been engaged to a sheep farmer all the time. She’d taken me for a huge sucker which had hurt me to my core.
My one bit of comfort on the whole trip was when I found that I’d been upgraded to First Class for the return flight and that included complimentary PJs. They’d been sitting there in a drawer all this time now; they had a use. I added a clean sweatshirt to the pile plus the complimentary slippers from the same flight and left them outside the bathroom door.
“There are some clothes here for you.”
I didn’t get an answer but the sound of the shower probably drowned out my voice.
My next job was to make up the bed in the spare room. When I’d done that, I put out a drying horse for her clothes. I felt good that I’d cleared out the room over the weekend. To my shame, I’d used it as a bit of a dump ever since I’d done my kitchen and that was almost two years ago.
The chilli I’d made the previous day was warming on the stove. The microwave rice was ready to cook and the table was set. All that was missing was a bottle of wine. My wine rack was almost empty. One solitary bottle of Chilean Merlot was sitting there saying ‘Drink me!’. I couldn’t resist any longer. It had to be drunk.
Jan appeared looking a lot more relaxed than she’d been when we left her sisters.
“Something smells good.”
“Don’t praise it until you have tasted it,” I warned.
“Thanks for the clothes. I hung mine up
“Is that glass for me?”
“It is. We deserve a treat. Do you want to know how much money was in that envelope?”
Jan thought for a moment
“A grand?”
I shook my head.
“Two and a half. Add on the deposit that’s three thousand pounds. If I give you a grand, we both will make a fairly decent profit. What do you think?”
Jan didn’t answer straight away.
After a nod of her head, she said,
“Ok. Sounds good.”
“Right,” I said as I stood up.
“I’ll put the microwave on. I’m not very good at cooking rice. It seems no matter what I do, it always sticks to the pan.”
Jan laughed.
“Microwave rice is fine by me.”
I dished up and hoped for the best.
Jan didn’t throw her plate in the air and dash for lots of water. I considered that a bit of a success.
“That’s a bit hot.”
“Sorry. I got the chillies from a neighbour in return for repairing one of his chairs. They do have a bit of a kick.”
Jan didn’t say much but persevered with the bowl until it was nearly clean.
“Sorry. I can’t manage the rest. It is just too hot.”
“That’s fine. I know now not to put so many seeds in next time.”
Jan didn’t reply so I added.
“The good news is that I have plenty of Yoghurt in the fridge.”
I gave her a pot of plain yoghurt to cool her mouth. That earned me a big smile.
I cleared the dishes away when we’d finished and made us some tea. While I was waiting for it to brew, I asked,
“Are you interested in making some more stocks? If we charge two thousand five hundred each, there will be close to a thousand for you.”
“Are you sure it is that much?”
“Yes, I am sure. How about it? Do we have a deal?”
Jan didn’t answer right away. After a bit, she said,
“I could do with the money all right. But…”
“You aren’t sure about having to cut in your sister on the deal?”
“Something like that but I don’t see any alternative, do you?”
[to be continued]
Jan had put me firmly on the spot with her offer to make more stocks.
“We could do it all ourselves.”
“We’d need a demonstrator though.”
“Sort of try before you buy?”
“Also, to size it up for the owner. I learned from trying my sister’s one that the height is important as is the placement of the ankle clamps in relation to what shoes are going to be worn while locked up. We could make an adjustable metal frame that we could use to size up the customer.”
“Sounds like we have a deal?”
Jan raised her glass.
“Too many more stocking fillers?”
I laughed.
“Nice one.”
I chinked her glass.
“Let me think about making a demo set of stocks. I’d need to think about the material. I used a good deal of pretty old wood in your sister’s set. I would need to think again about what I’d use if we were to make say ten a year. I would need to source enough used wood to make them. I have some ideas but there is no way that I’d want to use new wood unless it was a specific request from a customer. Working with green wood can be a pain in the neck.”
“Ten?” exclaimed Jan.
“Is that too many?”
“Who knows eh?”
“Perhaps you could sound out a few people?”
“Me? Why me?”
“I just thought that you might have a few contacts…?”
“And you don’t?”
“I am nothing more than a carpenter who lives way out in the sticks. Why would I have the sort of contacts that say… your sister probably has?”
“I’m not exactly in the same league as my sister, am I?”
Then she added,
“Ok, what if I build another unit less the electronics and put a few photos up on social media and onto the sort of forums where people with the right persuasion would see them.”
“Won’t just making another device take ages and use a lot of valuable material?”
I grinned.
“I can probably make something out of softwood that would look good enough for the photos and demonstrations, once I’d stained and varnished it. It should take me… what nine or ten days? I have enough of that sort of material here so the only cost is my time and some bright work. The nice wad of cash we received from your sister is more than enough to cover that. If I make it right, it could be taken apart and transported in the back of my van. That way, if we are going to charge top dollar for these things, we can take the demo unit to the customers’ place and make sure that it will fit. We can itemise a fitting and installation service on top of the basic device costs.”
Then I had another thought.
“I have a piece of the oak that I used for your sister’s device left over. I used it to test the finish. We could use that as an example of what the real device would look and feel like. I could easily add another piece to it to show the jointing and therefore the quality of my work.”
Jan sat there for almost a minute before she answered.
“I’m still not sure about this…”
“Are you worried about the commitment? From what you have said, you are happier working on short-term projects. Am I in the right ballpark?”
Jan nodded her head.
“Something like that.”
“Ok. How about I buy your design for the electronics and the code?”
Once again, she didn’t reply right away. When she did, it was not what I expected.
“For someone who wasn’t all that keen on the thing, something has changed in you?”
“If I can make something that I can be proud of in terms of my craft and workmanship and make a decent amount of money in the process… what’s not to like? Besides, commissions for bespoke kitchen units are a bit thin on the ground at the moment. Re-purposing chairs and other bits of furniture can only take me so far.”
Jan nodded.
I noticed that she was biting her lip. I guessed that she was fighting herself internally.
With a shrug of her shoulders, she said,
“Ok. I’ll do it. I’ll work with you on this.”
“Good. Then I’ll get going on it once we have sorted out your car in the morning…”
I almost started to talk about how any income would be split but I thought better of it. That could come later.
“Thanks for the bed and everything,” said Jan as we ate some breakfast.
“But you want to get going?”
“Something like that. Where will we get a new distributor cap?”
“I think that our first port of call will be to a scrapyard that is about four miles away. I use it for random bits of metal for my projects. To make brackets, patterns, jigs, and the like. Old bonnets and doors are a great source of sheet metal.”
“Do you think that they’ll have one for my car?”
“It won’t hurt to find out. Your car is not that uncommon so I have to hope that we will find one. If not, then we’ll go into Newbury. I’m sure that there will be a place there where we can get one. I know where a couple of parts suppliers are located.”
Jan sighed and looked at the clock.
“Did you have somewhere to be?”
“Sort of. I said that I’d meet a girlfriend in Henley for lunch.”
“Why didn’t you say so before? We should go now.”
“What about the washing up?”
“That won’t go anywhere. I’ll sort it all out later.”
“Try it now,” I said as I put the last of the leads onto the plugs.
We’d found a distributor cap at the scrap yard and it had only cost a couple of pounds. Putting it in place was pretty easy once I’d remembered to note which HT lead went to which spark plug. I’d given the replacement cap a good clean and it looked almost perfect to me. Only trying the engine would let me know for sure or if I’d be taking Jan to Henley for her lunch date.
“Ok,” said Jan from inside the car.
Five seconds later, the engine was running sweetly. With a bit of a smile on my face, I closed the bonnet and walked around to the driver’s door.
“You should make it to your lunch appointment on time now,” I said trying to be positive.
Jan nodded her head.
“Thanks for doing that. I might be pretty good when it comes to software and electronics but cars are a mystery to me.”
“Don’t worry about it. It was nice having company last night. Now I can go and do the washing up,” I added half joking.
“You make me feel a bit guilty…”
“Don’t be. As I said, it was nice having someone around to talk to for at least a few hours.”
“Same here.”
“I’ll give you a call when I have something ready to show you.”
“And I’ll have a bit of a think about how I can make the electronics a bit less bespoke.”
I watched her drive off with more than a tinge of regret. Spending the last 24 hours with her had been very enjoyable. Now it was back to work.
I was just finishing off the last bit of staining when my phone rang. For a moment, I debated answering it. If I did stop then I’d more than likely have to re-do all the staining. I carried on and let the call go to answer-phone.
Almost an hour had elapsed before I was satisfied with the colour and had cleaned my gear and myself. I put the kettle on and then remembered about the phone call.
There was a message waiting for me. Before listening to it, I checked the caller ID. In the past week, I had been plagued by scammers from India, trying to sell me extended warranties for a washing machine that I had bought two years before. They wanted silly money for a service contract that didn't exist. I need not have worried. The call was from Jan.
I made myself some tea and a cheese and pickle sandwich before calling her back.
“Hi, Jan. Sorry for not taking your call I was in the middle of staining the demo stocks.”
“They will be ready to show off in two days. I need to varnish it first. Two coats will do the job.”
“How much? I estimate that it has cost me about twenty quid. I used a load of softwood that was leftover from a kitchen I made last year. The costs were mostly for the stain. I already had the varnish from a previous project. I did buy some cheap locks and hasps but that was only about a tenner.
“Hasps are those metal things that you put the padlocks through. I’ll show you when you are here next. Speaking of that? How is your side of things going?”
“You are? That’s good news. When will you be ready to show me?”
I listened to what Jan was saying and it was all good news.
“Ok, Jan. I’ll be expecting you on Monday. See you then.”
I ended the call and looked around my workshop. It wasn’t that messy. Then I thought about my home. That was bad. Once I got my teeth into a project, I tended to forget about little things such as washing up and housework in general. I was going to spend the weekend cleaning everything in sight.
That was for when I was done with the stocks. No rest for the wicked.
With the second coat of polyurethane varnish drying and all my brushes clean, I headed up to my flat. A sink full of dirty dishes greeted me when I walked into the kitchen carrying the tray of dirty mugs from my office. I found a space for the tray and closed the door behind me. I would tackle the kitchen later. But first, I headed for the shower. I had to get the smell of varnish and turps substitute off my skin.
I don't know what it is about a hot shower. When I come out of the shower, I might feel cold but elated. I came down from a temporary high when I saw the pile of dirty clothes on the floor in the spare bedroom. I had to do a lot of washing before Monday. There was nothing for it, not that I needed much if anything in the way of urging, I would dress up as my other self, Marcie.
I padded into my bedroom and unlocked ‘Marcie’s Closet’. I selected an outfit to wear and laid it out on my bed. I sighed as I saw the sheets. More washing to be done.
As I got dressed, I wondered if I’d have enough time to get everything clean and tidy before Monday. I shook my head. Prevaricating about it won’t get the jobs done.
[Sunday Afternoon]
I’d just put the sixth and last load of washing on when I heard a knock at my front door.
“Fuck,” I said to myself.
I peered out of the side window and saw Jan’s car. I swore again as she knocked again. My van was outside and the lights were on in the nearly clean kitchen so it would be obvious to her that I was home.
I closed my eyes and counted to ten… twice before going to the front door.
I opened it and said,
“Hi Jan, you are a day early. You’d better come in.”
I couldn’t look at her I was so ashamed at how I looked.
Then I heard her laughing. For a moment, I almost slammed the door in her face but I didn’t. Instead, like the coward that I am, I turned around and almost ran upstairs to my home.
I heard the door close and for a second, I hoped that Jan would have left me alone. Then I heard the sound of her shoes on the stairs.
“John, I’m not the enemy you know,” said Jan as she reached the top of the stairs.
For the first time since her untimely arrival, I got a good look at her. What I saw was quite startling. She was dressed in a pink outfit of a style that would be more suited to a wedding party than my distinctly downbeat home and workshop.
“I was at my cousin Nicolle’s wedding. Yes, I was a bridesmaid. That’s why I’m dressed up like this. Alex was there as well looking better than the bride. Being a bridesmaid, I was sat next to one of the groomsmen for the reception. He was a bore and between the starter and the main course, he tried to get it on with me. I stabbed his wandering hand with my fork and slapped him hard. I walked out and left him to it.”
She paused and swallowed hard.
“While he was trying it on with me, all I could think of was you. Alex followed me out of the reception and told me ‘Go and see him’. How she knew that I was thinking of you I don’t know but here I am.”
“And then you see me like this? Aren’t you tempted to hit the road? I must be such a disappointment to you?”
Jan didn't answer. Instead, she stepped towards me and kissed me gently on the lips.
“You could never be a disappointment to me. I don’t want anything to do with jerks like that idiot at the wedding or any macho men. It hit me as I drove up the road to your house that you have never tried it on with me. Not one chat-up line or anything. I was going to ask you if we could become a thing… if you weren’t gay. Then I saw you dressed like that and I knew right then that I wanted to be part of your life.”
“Even looking like this?” I asked still trying to understand what she’d said.
“Yes… Well, your dress sense is not the greatest and there is plenty of room for improvement. I’d love to go shopping with you!”
"Even looking like this?" I replied repeating myself.
Jan laughed.
“Not like that. No one would go shopping looking like that, but for messing around at home it is great.”
I was wearing a black Lycra miniskirt, black tights and a blue top. The skirt and top showed clear evidence of my efforts at cleaning the house and my knees were soiled so I must have looked a right state, especially with a total lack of makeup and two days of stubble on my chin.
“I don’t know,” was all I could say.
Jan came to me again and for a moment, I thought that she was going to kiss me again. Most of me wanted her to do just that but she didn’t. Instead, she sat me down on one of the kitchen chairs that I'd made myself. Then she hitched up the ankle-length skirt of her pink dress and straddled me. Then she kissed me.
After a long kiss, she said,
“I would love to help you look and act better. To find you looking like this all starts to make sense. I knew from my last time here that you were hiding something. That’s when I wondered if you were gay but now, I know different.”
“But Jan?”
“What do you call yourself when you dress up, and please don’t say Joanna?”
“Marcie, I call myself Marcie.”
“Ok, Marcie. What have you left to do before you were ready for me to arrive on Monday?”
“Your bedroom looks like a bomb site. I dumped so much stuff in there. I was going to spend tomorrow sorting it. Then there is that?” I said looking over at a huge pile of ironing that nearly covered the kitchen table.
“There is more on the line and in the washer. I sort of forgot to do any for a while.”
“I’ll do the ironing. You can sort out the bedroom tomorrow. In the meantime, do you have any decent scissors?”
“Why?”
“To cut this stupid dress off so that I can move. The skirt is cut so effing tight that I had to hitch it up just to climb the stairs.”
Without thinking I said,
“I think that it suits you… apart from that horrible colour. Pink is not you is it?”
Jan got off me and went in search of the scissors.
“Second drawer down,” I said pointing at a drawer unit.
She smiled as she found the scissors. Then she handed them to me.
“Will you cut this thing off?”
“While you are wearing it?”
“Yes silly. That way it might stand some chance of ending up the same length all around.”
I took the scissors from her.
“Ok, be it on you.”
“Just don’t stab me, ok?”
“How long or short do you want it?”
Without hesitation, she put her finger well up her thigh.
“Here… if you have some more tights like the ones that you are wearing? Clean ones mind you…”
“I do.”
“Then get cutting.”
Later that evening as we sat cuddled up on my sofa, I began to wonder why I’d been so afraid of her to begin with.
“You said that Alex was at the wedding. Did she have anything to say about you know what?”
“She only said that they were having fun with their new toy. I could tell that she was telling the truth.”
“That’s good news. It sounds like your relationship with her has improved a bit?”
“It has but I still have not forgiven her for stealing my first real boyfriend from me. She did it out of spite. Then she publicly humiliated him for something. I got a lot of stick from his family and he did not deserve what she dished out. But that was over a decade ago. He’s the racing manager of a leading Formula 1 team so he’s done well.”
“Time is a great healer,” I said.
Jan turned on the couch to face me.
“I’ve been thinking about some enhancements of my own. I did some drawings but they are at home. I’ll need to go home tomorrow and get the latest version of the electronics. As I was putting it all together, I got thinking about the packaging of the electronics. My new design is a lot better but it can be improved. But… that was not the only improvement I was thinking about. It was something that Alex once said to me about wearing a vibrator to work.”
“That could get embarrassing,” I said as I had visions of someone having an orgasm at the wrong time.
“True but if it brought you almost to climax and stopped and then repeated you could enjoy yourself and no one would know.”
“All in good time my dear, all in good time.”
That was when I knew that Jan was here to stay. All that was left to work out was where we could put her very own set of stocks! After all, she needed a place to test her electronics, didn’t she?
[Authors Note]
I wrote the first two parts and then got stuck. Two years later, I was off to the Motorcycle Show at the NEC in Birmingham. As I was going by train, I used the time to write the concluding part.
[the end]