This is a bit of a what if storyline, the start mirrors my own life but makes the choice I never did. I was around 8 when this story happens and as I came out as a trans woman later in life makes me wonder what if.

The day started out like any other, it was a crisp November day that is until my teacher, Mrs Taylor makes an announcement.
“As you all know, we are doing Robin Hood as our school play. So this afternoon, those without parts need to go and try on costumes to be villagers in the play.” So one by one we were called by another teacher to try on our costume.
Around half an hour passed, “Luke” called Miss Lyons. That was my call to go out try on the costumes. Upon going out the classroom I discover that the costumes consisted of a long t-shirt and some tights.
For as long as I remember, I have always had a fascination with tights. The look, the sound they make has always intrigued me.
I walk over to a table in area outside the classroom and I see Mrs Lyons sat down rolling up a pair of navy blue school tights.
“Come on Luke” she says “Trousers off, socks off let’s see if these fit.”
At first I refuse, not feeling totally comfortable. Being in primary school it was perfectly natural to remove clothes in front of my peers but the thought of wearing tights so too overwhelming. What if I didn’t like them? what if they weren’t what I thought?
“There is nothing to worry about, see others are doing it.” Mrs Lyons replied, as I look around to see that there were indeed four other boys stood there looking similarly unimpressed in various stages of wearing tights or getting changed back in normal uniform.
I concede, I remove my trousers and socks then sit in a chair opposite her. She then helps me to not only put on the tights but adjust them too. As soon as the tights are on, I feel this electric like sensation doing up and down my leg it feels so amazing.
“They look like they fit well, do they comfortable not tight” says Mrs Lyons
“They fit great” I reply with giddy enthusiasm that I try to hide. Boys aren’t suppose to enjoy this I think to myself then I start to rub my legs encased in these tights and I start to smirk.
“Someone is liking them” Mrs Lyons remarks with a giggle. I try and hide my true my true thoughts especially as I receive confused looks from the other boys.
“Yeah they are nice.” I reply. Mrs Lyons smiles knowingly.
“Right then” She says “Lets get you changed and they can marked with your name ready for dressed rehearsals.”
I paused and thought. Even though I have only had them for a few minutes, I have fallen complete in love with wearing them and I can’t imagine not wearing them
“Can I keep the tights on?” I ask, with the slightest hint of hope in my voice. Mrs Lyons and the boys look on in shock and confusion.
“Ye…yeah sure” Mrs Lyons answers with the hint of doubt and uncertainty in her voice. “May sure they come back please.”
I sit back down on the chair, put my trousers and shoes back on and head back into the classroom. The sensation of the tights still prominent under my trousers and certainly loving the softer feeling of my legs, I do miss be able to touch the tights directly.

As I sit down I feel more than a little self conscious, as the other boys have come in and started sharing the news, I see most of pupils turn around with gorping looks of shock not helped by Mrs Lyons and Taylor having a private conversation looking in my direction. I begin to feel nervous but I also starting to like the attention.
“Why is everyone staring at you?” asks Jade, the girl sat next to me.
“Probably, because they just found out that I am wearing tights” I reply
“No way” she says shockingly “Show me”
As I roll up my trouser leg revealing my navy blue leg. Jade looks on shock.
“Why?” she asks.
“Its what we were trying on outside and I liked wearing them so I kept them on.” I respond with quietly.
She starts to laugh. I look confused.
“What you laughing for?” I annoyingly respond. “You’re wearing tights too!”
“I am because I am girl and you’re a boy” she rightfully responds. I am disappointed by her response, I would think a girl who wears tights everyday would understand how good they feel and me wanting to wear them.
I don’t reply in the end, so Jade has a victorious look of triumph on her face. As Mrs Taylor begins the next lesson, the looks of shock start to dissipate as the revelation wears off and I start to relax. With the constant buzz that I am experiencing, the last lesson of the day flies by.

As the school day ends, Mrs Taylor asks to chat with my Mum. Teacher speak for I am concerned about something, three guess what the topic is.
On the way home, Mum quizzes me about my day and homework that needs doing.
As we enter the door, I take my shoes off and Mum notices my blue feet.
“We need to have a little chat don’t we.” she requests. I nod in agreement.
We sit on the sofa, I tell her everything before trying them on, the feeling of wearing them, the class reaction everything. Shes looks worried but looks on lovingly.
“So other than tights, are you intrigued by anything else?” She inquires.
“Not overly” I counter “But I do love rubbing legs in tights and miss rubbing them directly but without the top part always on show”
“Thats what skirts are for” She laughs and this time I do too. There was no malice or hatred in her voice and if anything the moment brings us closer together.
“If this something you want to try, I can certainly arrange it.” she adds, I nod. We then hug to symbolise that this moment is finished, she then calls a friend with a daughter in my school.
“Ok, thats all sorted Tracey will bring one round in about an hour. In the meantime do your homework.” I sit there with the biggest grin on my face that I have had all day which doesn’t go unnoticed by Mum whose smile is equally wide. With nothing else to change into, I stay in my trousers and try as hard as possible focus on anything other than clothes that I am wearing or about to wear.

Suddenly, theres a knock at the door, I then hear Mum say “Hello…Thank you…Will do…alright, thanks again.” Then she appears in the living room door. I excitedly run from the dining table to the sofa.
“Tracey said that, this is an older skirt so its going to be missed ok” she says, I nod understandingly.”So trousers off and we’ll try it on.”

I has only planning on doing one story but I kind of got the writing bug so decided to write more. It is still a what if series so none of these events actually happened just what I predict would happen next. The story carries on the morning after the last story

As I wake up the next morning, I feel different to yesterday. It is as if the events of yesterday awakened something that was buried down deep within myself, and I am not sure how to deal with that. The rest of my morning carries on as normal: went downstairs, had breakfast and then time to get dressed for school. Seeing my grey trousers in my pile along with my shirt jumper and socks made me sad, I know I was only in skirts and tights for a few hours yesterday but that just felt right, and this feels odd.
“You ok sweetie?” I her Mum from the doorway.
“Yeah, I’m ok.” As I start to get dressed. Putting on my shirt first and then my trousers afterwards. In comparison to the smooth tights from yesterday, the trousers feel like sandpaper against my legs. Upon realising this I start crying. Mum rushes from the kitchen to comfort me.
“What’s wrong?” Sounding as nurturing as possible.
“Everything feels weird.” Speaking through the tears.
“What feels weird?” Asks Mum
“The trousers … they are all itchy and wrong.” I responded with while crying.
“I am sorry sweetie.” Mum compassionately responds with. “This really isn’t you, is it?”
“No” I say with a shake of my head. She stands up and goes to back of the room and retrieves two items of clothes.
“I had a feeling this might happen” She begins as she passes me the clothes and my face lights up. They’re the tights and skirt from yesterday. “Tomorrow we are going shopping, you need some new clothes. But for now, hurry up get changed or you’ll be late. I’ll give you a lift and explain everything to Miss Taylor.”
Never being more ready to do anything in my life, I quickly remove my trousers and begin to put the tights on. It was also this moment that Mum realises I have no idea how to put tights on. So, Mum shows me how scrunch the tights and rolls them up my first leg. I then repeat the process on the other leg and jump up to pull them up the rest of the way.
“Good, well done. Just be careful ok we still need to give them back to school.” I nod and finish getting ready to head out to the car.
As we leave for school, I feel so at ease, excited and happy to go to school dressed as I am. I was also super nervous about what was instore for me today and the reaction that the others would have. Mum could sense my ever-growing tension.
“Relax, you have done nothing wrong. You are just wearing clothes just like everyone else” Mum said. Her words resonated with me; they were just clothes. Yes, they were clothes that I have thought about all night and have been curious about for a while, but they are just clothes.

We arrived at school; we pulled up outside reception. Mum asked the receptionist if we could speak to Miss Taylor. Shortly after, Miss Taylor. She appeared with a warm yet unsurprised expression on her face
“Good morning, how you both doing?” Miss Taylor asked. I sat and nodded.
“We are good, we spoke yesterday about what happened yesterday. We tried some different things and here we are.” Mum revealing the highlighted version of events of the last 15 hrs.
“You look very comfortable and happy in your uniform. What I am going to do is see if the deputy head is free for you two to speak to her to discuss plans going forward.” Miss Taylor added.
As she went off Mum asked me. “You sure you are doing ok?”
“Yeah, I am sure. I am a little nervous about today.” I responded.
“It is going to be ok.” She replied just as Miss Hill entered reception.
“Good morning, do you two want to come through?” Said Miss Hill warmly. We stood up and entered an office just down the hall and sat down at the desk.
“So, Miss Taylor told me some of what happened yesterday, but I would love to hear the full story from you two.” Miss Hill asked sincerely. Mum and I recounted all the details from yesterday: my curiosities of wearing female clothes, trying on the tights, wearing them back to class, trying the skirt on after school and most importantly Dad’s reaction. She listened very intently and felt a bit like what I would imagine it to be like to be interviewed by a detective, them searching for clues in the tiniest details in what you say and how you say it.
“Thank you for telling me. So, Luke, is it just wearing the clothes or is there anything else you are curious about?” Miss hill asked.
“Not at the minute, I’ve not really thought about. All I know is that I feel comfortable dressed as I am, and I haven’t felt comfortable like this before.” I responded.
“Ok understandable. Have you questioned whether you are a boy or girl before?” Miss Hill questioned.
“I haven’t no, but I don’t feel like a boy like this and didn’t want to be in boys’ clothes this morning.”
“I see, its natural to want experiment but it sounds like you are feeling something else, something more serious. Let’s see how things go this week and see if there are any more developments next Friday.” We both agreed. I could see from the expressions of both Mum and Miss Hill that something isn’t right. We thank Miss Hill for her time, and we stand to leave. Just before goes back to reception we stop for a hug.
“Have a great day sweetie. Thank you, Miss Hill.” Mum said. As she turns right to head to reception, Miss Hill and I turn left to head the school. Luckily it isn’t break time so all other people are in lessons. It also dawns on me that I am going through with this, a moment I have wondered about is happening.

As we near my classroom, Miss Hill speaks again. “You have taken a brave decision today and if you need anything no matter how big or small, please come and find me.” I smiled and nodded my head then entered my classroom. As I entered, I could feel 28 sets of eyes on me. Miss Taylor then carried on teaching, so I felt a bit less under the spotlight as I took my seat.
“So, you are dressed as a girl today?” remarked Jade.
“Yeah, guess so. Just wearing school uniform same as you.” I countered, feeling quite proud of my response and so was Jade.
It was good to be back in lesson especially the sensation of my legs rubbing together something that wasn’t missed on Jade. “It feels good to do that doesn’t.” she commented with a grin to which I nodded. She then moved her leg and it brushed against mine which caused me to giggle which didn’t go unnoticed by Miss Taylor.
“you two at the back, make sure you are focusing this way please.” She requested. We replied in unison, which caused us to smile at each other. While I am glad Miss Taylor didn’t make too much of an issue out of this, I am also glad Jade, and I shared a genuine moment for the first time since the seating plan changed.

The lesson reached a natural end, it was time for break time. Something I was kind of dreading all day. “Stick with us at break time, we’ll protect you.” Jade said as turned to another girl on the opposite side of the table who nodded. This is something new for me today, normally I spend break time on my own so to spend it with people, today of all days, Is a good change of pace.
Once we reached a bench around the edge of the playground the other girl, Georgia, began to ask, “So how come you are a girl now?”
“I am not really sure what I am, I just know that from yesterday I really liked wearing these clothes and I didn’t want to stop.” I replied. Georgia looked on with more compassion in her face than I was expecting.
“Well, you certainly look like a girl. Except those shoes though.” Georgia responds with a grin. Her comment makes both Jade and I laugh. “We’ve sat across from each other for months, but I don’t think I have ever seen you laugh more than I have today. Whatever you think you are, you seem happy.” I was really touched by Georgia’s observation, it sparked cooing from Jade and myself combined with a group hug. I felt as if I connected with people for the first time at school.
Break soon came to an end, it was refreshing to spend in company talking and laughing even if a lot of the conversation points were my current predicament. As we were walking in Jade said to me. “As great as this has been, you really need to rethink this name situation. Luke doesn’t suit you anymore.” While I didn’t really know how to respond, I couldn’t argue that she was right. No one has really called me Luke all day and I haven’t missed it.

Despite this being a different school day to what I am used to, it was one of the best I have had for a long time. While a few people did try and make comments at lunch time at during lessons, Jade and Georgia were true to their word and made sure that they had my back. That feeling of having friends was something new to me but it felt comforting.
Just before pick up time, Miss Taylor caught up with me. “I just wanted to check in, how has today been?”
“Yeah it has been great, I’ve had a good day.” I reply, “Jade and Georgia have been really supportive.”
“That’s good, I noticed that you have spent a lot of time with those two. I am pleased they have been supportive, has anyone said anything mean to you?”
“Not really, Jade and Georgia have helped a lot.” I could see from her face that she wanted to dig deeper but resisted.
“Ok, it seems as if Jade and Georgia have been there for you which is great. In lessons though, I need more work from all three of you. I don’t want to have to split you three up in lessons.” She says with a half-smile to indicate to me that while she is being supportive, she is also being deadly serious.
“Ok, I’ll make sure.” I respond with the same half smile.

I then meet up with Mum and greet her with a big hug. “Hey sweetie, you ok?” I gleefully nod my head in response. Mum then gestures thumb up to Miss Taylor who happily nods her head in response.
From this we start to walk towards the car, “So how was your day?” Mum asks. I tell her everything about becoming friends with Jade and Georgia to having a great day overall.
“That is great news about Jade and Georgia, I have wanted you to have friends for so long. Did you have anything to do with them before today?” She asks.
“Not really, all three of us sit on the same table but not really spent time at break time together.”
“Ok, well I hope it continues to work out.” Says Mum.
“Thanks, are we still on for shopping tomorrow?” I ask, Mum nods. “Can we look at new shoes as well they don’t really suit me anymore?” Mum chuckles in response.
“Sure sweetie, we can look at whatever you want. Do you want to stay as you are?” I gleefully nod my head as my reply. “I thought so, you definitely seem happier today than before.” Even though she is the second person to remark on that today, it does mean more coming from her.
As we enter home, I can’t wait to relax and watch tv. Something does dawns on me though; my thoughts quickly dwell on Dad and how he’ll react not only to how I have spent all day but how me and Mum will spend tomorrow.
“Mum, does Dad know about today?” I ask curiously yet nervously.
“Not yet” Mum counters. “But I will sure he is aware when he comes home.” Sadly, this did nothing to calm my nerves but us watching tv like how we did yesterday afternoon is certainly nourishing.

Over the next few hours, Mum and I just enjoyed each other’s company and watched TV. For a day of pleasant moments, this was my favourite, she has always been a constant source of support, so I am thankful to share this moment with her. Then the atmosphere changed when we heard a key enter the door, we knew it was Dad.
“Hiya” Dad called from the hallway. Mum could sense that my levels of tension so did her best to comfort me. “You both had a good day?” he asked as he entered the living room and then saw me. “Oh Luke, we are not doing this again, this is wrong!” his words hurt and cut deep and started feeling upset, this was also the first time today that someone has referred to me as Luke which made the moment feel even more worse.
“Well, I’ve been like this all day, it’s been nice and I might have made some friends.” I replied trying to remain as calm as possible to reason with him.
“YOU’VE BEEN WHAT?” He shouted. The shock and disgust filled his face. “You encouraged this” His anger now aimed fully at Mum.
“Our child was upset this morning wearing trousers and changing helped us get ready for school. I was trying to do the right thing so don’t take that tone with me!” Mum fired back with equal amounts of frustration.
“The right thing? How is this the right thing? He is our SON; I shouldn’t come home to see Luke dressed like this!” He snarled at us.
“STOP CALLING ME THAT!” I screeched “I HATE THAT NAME!” My latest statement stunned the room, I didn’t realise till that moment that I hated being called Luke and glad that no one else all day has called me that.
“That is your name!” He growled. “That is the name WE chose for YOU! I will not be spoken to like this by MY son in MY house! get upstairs and get changed NOW!” I couldn’t listen to this anymore; I started crying as I run upstairs. I couldn’t believe that he could be so negative and horrible towards me. As I continued to cry on my bed, I could hear Mum and Dad arguing without making out what they were saying.

A short while later I heard something “I am not staying here and endorsing this!” Dad ordered as the door slammed shut behind him. I took my chance to go back downstairs again, only to see mum sat on the sofa upset. I go over and I give her a hug where she is sat.
“I am so sorry; all this seems like my fault.” I begin. “I haven’t started all this …”
“Don’t” Mum interrupts. “All I want is for you to be happy ok” she said with a smile as a tear rolled down her cheek, I then reciprocate the smile and hug her tighter. “Do you really hate your name?” I wasn’t surprised that she asked the question but also wasn’t sure how I would respond to her question.
“I…I think so, no one has called me Luke all day. And I didn’t really think about till he was calling me Luke a lot how I really thought about my name. Jade did mention that Luke didn’t suit me to which I didn’t respond but what if she is right.” The confusion still filling me and something I was surer of earlier today has only led to confusion this afternoon.
“it’s a big question that doesn’t need to be answered right away but just know if you need to talk, I am here.” She responded while comforting me.
“Thanks Mum” I return with a smile and a hug. We stay there for a few minutes.
“Right, don’t know about you but I am hungry fancy some McDonalds for tea?”
“Oooh Yum!” I say with wide eyes, I was hungry too. So, I grab my shoes and jump in the car. I am glad that Mum went through the drive thru I wasn’t really in the mood for company. After an emotional afternoon I didn’t realise how hungry I was.

Despite the argument with Dad, it has been a great day. As I get ready for bed my thoughts dwell on my interactions with Jade and Georgia, how much I enjoyed wearing what I was wearing today. It really has been a great day. Let’s see what tomorrow holds.