Friending Jane Austen Chapters 4-6 By Tara Nicole Miller Copyright © 2024 Tara Nicole Miller All Rights Reserved. Word Count 5,000

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Image Credit: From Adobe Stock Photos - Three women in vintage attire with braided hair, posing for a selfie. By Irina Kozel
 

So, I began, “I was born with an enlarged clitoris.” Way to cement a budding friendship, lying to them, right off the bat, I thought. Thus, I began and they glanced at each other, then back to me as if begging me to elaborate. The clitoris thing is technically true in the most basic biological sense. But, the fact is, I have a fully functioning penis. Well, mostly. It’s tiny, but perfectly formed - ugh! “Sooo…” I swallowed, drily. “Being penis-like, the doctor called me a boy and put that on my birth certificate and my parents have tried to raise me as a boy, and insisted I am a boy and to get used to it, and…Should I leave now?” I began crying.

They both looked aghast, speechless. I whimpered, “See, I knew I was a freak and you would hate me…”

“No! No no no. That’s not it, I swear. You, don’t move! Sit!” Candace got stern and pointed to the chair. “We’re just surprised that any idiot could ever think you’re a boy! You are probably the girliest girl I’ve ever met. Well, excepting the presence of those lesbian clothes. Right Vee?” Candace looked to Verity, who just nodded, vehemently, as if to say, ‘duh!’ “Why would we hate you just because you have a birth defect? I have to ask, are your parents stupid? Or just blind? How? I mean, how in the world could they insist you be a boy? I don’t get it.”

I practically bowled them over as I went in for a group hug, tears streaming down my face. “I don’t get it either,” I sobbed.

We hugged for like five minutes, then the giggles started. Verity, in her fashion, spoke up. “I have a brilliant idea. Your mom’s home, right? She wanted to meet us, right?” Candace and I kinda nodded, curious where she was going with this. “How ‘bout we ask her over and she can meet us like she wanted, and she can meet you, too, it sounds like, for the very first time.” She got a weird look on her face. “Wait, if they were raising you, I mean, if you were living as a, sort of, boy, you must have a boy’s name?”

I nodded. God, I really didn’t want to tell them - it should be a dead name. I hate it with a passion. I cleared my throat and whisper/croaked it out - “Andrew.” My face grew hot and I knew it was as red as beetroot.

“O.M.G., you’re kidding!” Verity blurted, then giggled. “Sorry, but you don’t strike me as an Andrew.”

“Ya think?” I jabbed, exasperated. Not at Verity, but at the very thought of it.

“I guess you could do Andi, with an ‘i,’ but Kayla is much nicer,” Candace offered sweetly.

“Yeah, and I really don’t want a name that could be mistaken for a boy’s name. I don’t want any part of masculinity, to be honest with you. Well…” I blushed.

“I know what part you’re thinking of!” Verity snorted, and I blushed even deeper crimson.

Candace leaned in and sort of whispered, “So you’re a straight girl, then?” I nodded and couldn’t get any redder, so I just looked down at my hands and my pretty pink nails. “Told ya!” She turned to Verity, who held up her hands in surrender.

So, they hatched a plan. Verity was the more devious one, so she took the lead. “Okay, we need to get you into normal girl clothes; not Jane Austen and not Rosie O’Donnell.” We all giggled.

“Not that there’s anything wrong with that!” I blurted to peals of laughter.

“Right, but we just want you to be a normal girl. Candace has tons of cute clothes, so I say we head up to Macy’s or Bergdorf’s or whatever your closet is called,” she glanced at Candace, “and we’ll get Kayla here looking like she’s going to troll the mall. Good?”

“Good!” Candace and I affirmed.

And so we began, first by tromping and giggling up the stairs, then tearing into Candace’s closet. Wow! It was massive! I mean, Kardashian-sized. I was in complete awe. It even had one of those islands in the middle with a hundred drawers and a granite top.

“Can I live here?” I deadpanned. “I mean actually in this closet!”

“Silly!” Candace gave me a girly slap. “Now, over here is the summer stuff.” She led us to the far end of Siberia. “And then, these are the sandals, as you can see. I think this is where we should start, right?” She looked at Verity.

“Yep, let’s go!” And with that all of our hands were flying. Candace placed a top on a hook. Verity gave a look and pulled out a skirt that would perfectly match the top in a lovely ensemble.

“Good lord, are we done already? That is so cute!” I exclaimed. The top wasn’t pink, no, these girls were almost 16. That reminds me I have to tell them I’m almost 15, so they don’t think I’m a baby. The top was teal and coral flowers , which are nice summery colors, on a taupe animal print and was figure hugging. But the sleeves were flowy like butterfly sleeves; it was lovely. But, suddenly I froze up. “I don’t know about this. My mom is gonna flay me alive!”

“You don’t have to do it, of course, but I really don’t think she’ll do anything of the sort.” Candace tried to reassure me. “She knows you were like this in the past, and now she can see that it wasn’t a phase, or whatever. Besides, we’ve got your back!”

“Damn straight,” Verity chimed in, holding the tiered teal skirt up to me. It is cute. And, it is what I’ve always wanted, being the girl me, that is. Well, the skirt’s not bad either. Sigh.

“This is what I’ve always wanted. I don’t think I can go on living a lie, know what I mean? And puberty is coming for sure - soon!” I lamented. “It’s way late as it is, thank god.” I started to tear up and got to enjoy one of the best parts of being a girl. A group hug with BFFs.

“Go on, girl. Get dressed. I promise everything will be fine.” Candace exhorted.

I simply nodded and took the skirt from V and the top off the hook. I looked around as if I were lost in a convention center. “Um, I think I can find my way outta here, but where is the bathroom?”

“Oh! Sorry. You just change in here and we’ll go hang in the bedroom. I can’t wait to see!” Candace enthused. “Oh, wait, here’s a pair of sandals that will go great with that.

I dangled the sandals off my index and middle fingers. They were teal as well, with lots of straps and jewels - too cute! The two-inch kitten heel shouldn’t pose a problem, as I’ve practiced on my own four-inchers in the privacy of my bedroom. So I lay my quarry upon the granite counter and began to sit on the stool.

“Oh!” I blurted with a start. “I have no undies!”

“What do you mean? Oh…sorry, I didn’t think. Doy!" She conked her head. "Um, here.” She reached into an island drawer and pulled out matching panties and bra. Teal, of course. She has every color of the rainbow in this closet and probably all the lingerie to match!

I took them from her and felt the wonderful soft coolness of the fabric. They were gorgeous. I examined them like they were exotic specimens. I looked up sheepishly with a little blush. “My first real lingerie. Course, their not mine, I mean…” I was a bit flustered.

“Don’t be silly,” Candace said, while Verity chuckled, sitting on the island top. “They’re yours. I have like a million more.”

“She’s not kidding, either. I think she has stock in Victoria’s Secret!” Verity chided.

I just nodded. “Thanks,” I whispered and looked up at them.

“Oh! We’re outta here!” They giggled their way out the door.

I began with the panties, so stretchy and smooth. I tucked that stupid appendage between my legs and posed in front of the mirror. Now, that’s what it’s supposed to look like! I then grabbed the bra, squishing the padding. Is that gel? I put it on by placing it around my waist with the hooks in front, then spun it around and pulled it up. I pulled in my little bit of flesh from the sides and voila! I had just the tiniest bit of cleavage which gave me the biggest thrill!

I posed again, flipping my long, blonde hair over my shoulder and breaking out in a wide smile. I almost didn’t want to get dressed. You can’t get much girlier than this! My face was still made up from our Jane Austen fest and the image was all girl. Mom is gonna flip!

I pulled the top on over my head, careful not to muss up my makeup. Then, I pulled on the skirt, keeping the top tucked, and zipped it up. I swished it a little bit and smiled. I sat to strap on the sandals and I was complete, in more ways than one! I couldn’t get over how cute the girl in the mirror was. I still thought mom and dad would kill me, no matter how cute I was.

But, that can wait. I lifted my head and straightened my torso and made my way out the door. I strutted as if I were on the catwalk. I walked between Candace and Verity, who had their mouths stuck open, watching me. I giggled, did a sexy little turn and kicked out my hip. “So? Whatcha think? Will this work?”

“Work? Yeah, you are workin’ it girl!” Verity chuckled. “You’re gonna turn Candace gay looking like that!” Candace gave her a little slap.

“You do look hot, Kayla. Your mom is gonna love you!” Candace promised.

“I don’t know about that.” I moped.

“Well, doesn’t matter. The boys are gonna love you!” She said while tugging one of my sleeves. “Oooh! Let’s do your nails, then we can call your mom.”

Well, we ended up doing each other’s nails, then touching up our makeup. Then Candace handed me the phone. “No, that’s okay, I’ll use my phone, then she’ll know it’s me. She likes to screen her calls.” If I’m lucky, she’ll see my name and not pick up.

I took my phone out of my tote. I don’t have a purse. Yet! I held my finger over redial (well, home is the only place I ever call, after all - I know, sad!) and I took a deep breath. Then another, then I began to hyperventilate.

“Oh! What do we do?” Candace blurted.

Verity replied, “I saw on ‘Big Bang,’ they used a paper bag to breathe into!”

“Kay!” Candace grabbed the bag of Doritos and dumped them into the trash. Then she handed me the bag and I began breathing into it. I gagged and sputtered and choked on the spicy cheesy salt fumes and particles, but it worked. I was no longer breathing out of control. I giggle-coughed.

“I’ve heard of inhaling your food before, but that was crazy!” I giggled and coughed again. My luck, I’ll probably get Bronchitis ‘Texas Style.’ They descended on me and began a tickle fest. That further diminished my irregular breathing and I came out the other side feeling exhausted and a little faint.

“Okay,” I said, “I guess I need to fix my face again, huh?” They giggled and nodded.

“Yeah, you’ve got a cheesy smile!” Verity chuckled.

“Thanks!” I threw a pillow at her and got up to go touch myself up. Maybe then I can call mom. Maybe. I am so not looking forward to this.

When I came back all prettied up, I asked Candace, “do you think I could play a quick piece on the piano before I call my mom? It relaxes me.”

“Of course! Let’s go!” So we tumbled up the stairs and into the living room where I beheld the glorious Steinway again.

I sat and wriggled my fingers. I decided to play something especially relaxing - ‘Songs from a Secret Garden.’ ‘twould have been better with all the instruments, but it still sounded good. I warbled the ethereal intro and continued while Candace and Verity sat on the mushy chairs with their eyes closed.

When I finished, Candace said, “I could listen to you all day, girl. So pretty. So, are you relaxed enough?”

“I’ll never be relaxed enough, but I think this is as good as it’s gonna get, so I might as well…” I grabbed my phone off the piano and hovered over the redial button again. Then, the unthinkable happened. I actually pressed it! Oh my god!

“Hi Andrew. How’s it going? Are you having fun?” Hi mom. Yeah! So much fun! Best slumber party ever! (oops!). “Slumber party?” I meant sleepover; best sleepover ever. “That’s nice, dear. So, what’s on your mind?” Well, I decided, we decided, that it would be nice if you met my new friends. “Really? I’d like that. But, I think it would be best if you don’t walk home in the dark, so I’ll come over there, okay?” Mmhmm. “Good, so what’s the address?”

“Oh, Candace, what’s your address?” So I gave mom the address and I had approximately five minutes left to live. I felt like a dead woman walking. Well, sitting, shaking, quaking in my cute strappy sandals. Oy!

Chapter Five - Mom Meets Kayla

I ran to the bathroom in a panic. I was sure I was going to throw up, but it turned out to be just the dry heaves. I checked my makeup and my hair and smoothed my skirt and checked my makeup again. My heart was a jackhammer and I was sure it would shatter me. Candace and Verity were standing in the doorway, concern etched on their faces.

“You’re gonna do fine. You look beautiful!” Candace tried to reassure me again.

“If beauty were the only criteria, that would be great.” I grimaced, bile rising in my throat. Then the doorbell rang and I jumped. Uncomfortable giggles squirted from the girls and I stood, running my hands down my sides. “Well,” I said, “nice knowing you. Here goes nothing. Or everything, or whatever, god!” I went and sat down on the couch while Candace opened the door.

“Mrs. Greenlee?” From the couch, I could see mom nod.

“That’s right.”

“Please, come in.” So she did! Gah! “I’m Candace - this is my home, and this is Verity and Kayla.” She gestured to the two of us on the sofa. “Hi!” We bleated as we stood up.

“Nice to meet you. So, where’s Andrew? Messing about somewhere I suppose. Oh! Are you the friends he was talking about? I assumed you would be boys.” Mom interrogated with a touch of contempt. What a bitch!

I tried to calm myself. She hasn’t recognized me yet, but it’s only a matter of time, and her mood seems to be going south. I fidgeted and played with my skirt. Candace tried to conduct this macabre symphony to my best advantage. She asked my mom, “would you like to have a seat? Coffee? Tea?”

“Tea would be nice. Where’s Andrew?” Mom insisted again.

“I’ll go put the kettle on, then we can all talk, okay? Don’t worry, she-he’s here.” Closer than you think you oblivious bat! I thought. God, when did I get so angry at my mom? And my dad’s even worse, lucky me.

“You’re all so pretty, how’d Andrew get so lucky? Is he dating one of you?” She continued, just as oblivious and deluded as before.

“Um, no.” Verity spoke up. “We’re just friends.”

“Well, that’s different, isn’t it? It’s got me wondering, though. How does that work? I mean, three girls and one boy?” Mom practically sneered. I felt like wringing her neck, but I’m not a violent person, so I’ll just settle for condemning her quietly, with a smile. Christian of me, isn’t it?

“Oh, it works out great. Sh-he fits right in; we get along like three peas in a pod.” Verity bumbled.

“Three? Seems there would be four of you.” Mom was like a frigging dog with a bone. Verity froze, realizing her mistake.

Candace returned, thank god, and sat between me and Verity. “Nope, just the three of us.” Candace said while rising again. She grabbed my hand, causing me to stand. “Have you met Kayla? She’s just completed our set today. We are now the three mousketeers!” She smiled at me and I couldn’t help but smile back, even through my trepidation.

My mom stood as if she actually had manners. “Nice to meet you Kayla.”

“Kayla plays the piano. She’s a maestro, would you like to hear while we wait?” Candace played up.

“Where is that boy, anyway?” Mom pressed again.

Candace smiled. “Won’t be a moment.” She was taking on my mom’s stilted speech patterns. Mirroring her. She’s so socially astute! “Go on, Kayla, why don’t you play us a little something?”

I nodded and shuffled to the piano bench and sat down. I looked to the ceiling, trying to decided what to play to my tormentor. Perhaps music could soothe this savage beast? I decided on Rachmaninoff’s “Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini” flowing into his “Symphony No. 2.” Mom sat, rapt, for the eight minutes of my mini concert. I really wanted to play “Vocalise,” as well, but that would take too long and mom’s not a patient person, to say the least. At least she appreciates good music.

“That was gorgeous Kayla! You’re really talented!” Mom enthused.

“Thank you,” I practically whispered, terrified of outing myself too soon. I don’t really know what Candace’s plan is.

“Tea’s ready!” Candace announced, carrying in a tray with four cups and setting it on the coffee table.

We all settled into our spots around the living room. “Kayla, why don’t you tell Mrs. Greenlee about yourself.”

“Why isn’t Andrew here yet! What the hell’s going on!” Mom blurted with derision. So much for soothing. She was just as prickly as ever, if not moreso. Sigh.

So I just began.

“Mom, you know I’ve told you my whole life that I’m a girl.” Her maw gaped open. “But you’ve chosen to ignore it and belittle me every time.” I paused, because she was about to interrupt me anyways. I know my mother, and one can never complete a thought without her butting her way in with her own ever-so-important notions, opinions, and snide comments.

She stood up and came close, standing right in front of me. She looked me over. “You think this is funny? Fooling the old lady? What the hell? What the hell have you done to him, you, you…” For once she was at a loss for words, at least temporarily. “You’re lunatics, all of you! Including you!” She looked at me with a dark fire that shriveled what little boy bits I had.

All three of us girls stood up nearly simultaneously. Candace and Verity each grabbed one of my mom’s arms. “Now, knock it off, Mrs. Greenlee and just listen!” Verity fired at mom.

“I will not! And unhand me, you crazy Jezebel’s! We’re going home! Just wait ‘til your father gets hold of you! You’ll learn not to dress up like, like, like a goddamned…transvestite!” Ooh, she’s losing the power of speech, and thought. Kinda funny, actually. At least it would’ve been had I not been stunned so badly with tears gushing forth. “No wonder you’re hanging out with girls. You’re a little pansy gay-boy! I knew you were sick! Now, let’s go!” She grabbed my arm and began tugging harshly.

“Ow!” I screamed and Candace and Verity pulled her away.

“She’s not going anywhere, you self-righteous witch!” Verity screamed into my mother’s face.

“Get out of my house, you bitch!” Candace joined in. “If you can’t love your daughter, you don’t deserve her!”

“Daughter?! You people really are nuts. You know what? Keep the little faggot and good riddance!” She turned on her heel.

“Seriously?” Verity asked. “You’d rather not have a child than accept the truth of the one standing right in front of you? What the hell’s wrong with you?”

“That’s right! And I know it’ll be a big relief to It’s father, finally being rid of such an embarrassment! You can keep it, it’s no use to me anymore! Jesus! You’re running a lunatic asylum here!” She barked a high-pitched cackle and stormed out the door, not bothering to even slam it as one should in a proper tantrum. Sigh. That went well, I thought.

“Well. That went well.” Verity said flatly and I began to giggle. They joined in and I giggled and laughed for about five minutes until I thought I would hyperventilate again. God, I didn’t want the Doritos cure again, so I finally calmed down, wiping my eyes of fifteen years of tears.

Chapter Six - Meet the Parents

“So, I take it your mom’s a religious nut, then?” Verity asked pointedly.

“You could say that. As apt a term as any, I guess. Born again and all that.” I sighed.

“Born again as what? A viper? A bitch jackal? Sorry, she’s your mom, I shouldn’t say…” Verity caught herself, but she was offering very welcome descriptives.

“You see what I’ve been dealing with. And my dad is just as bad. Even worse, because he doles out the belt.” I lamented, still feeling the sting across my buttocks.

“He hits you? That’s fuckin’ child abuse!” Verity pointed out.

“Yeah,” is all I could say to that.

“Candace, when do your mom and dad get back?” Verity asked.

“Um, probably around eight.” She guessed. “The restaurant they went to has like seven courses.”

Verity elaborated, “Candace’s mom and pops are lawyers, they’ll know what to do. Her dad’s won a lot of big cases, right?”

“Yeah, we’ll sort you out. Take care of you. You can stay here for the night.” Candace offered.

“Wow, thanks! But, we just met today. Why…” I was cut off, but in a good way this time.

“You’ve heard of soulmates, you know, with a couple, and all that? Well, I think there are soulmates when it comes to BFFs as well. I feel like I’ve known you forever and you just being here makes my life feel…better somehow. You know what I mean?” Candace sweetly explained.

“Oh my god, I totally feel the same way. That is so weird and cool.” I told her. “The both of you, you’re so awesome.”

“Yep. You’re stuck with us Alice.” Verity agreed. I looked at her, a bit puzzled. “You know, Alice in Wonderland - c’mon, get with the program, girl,” she smiled her wickedly wonderful smile. “Even with all your drama, we’re having so much fun. Right?”

“Right.” Candace and I jinxed.

Just then, we heard the garage door go up. It was now 8:15. They must have had dessert, I thought cheekily. Moments later, the door into the kitchen opened and I could hear a man’s voice, along with Candace’s mother. They were laughing about the opposing counsel on a case; what I heard was quite funny and I couldn’t help but smile. I don’t think my parents have ever smiled. Not in my lifetime anyways.

“Daddy!” Candace squealed. She must be a daddy’s girl, I thought. “Come. Meet my new friend, Kayla!” My heart went mushy, knowing the first thing out of her mouth, in greeting, was proof of my existence.

“Hi Mr. Collins. Pleasure to meet you.” I reached my hand out limply, my nail polish glistening under the kitchen lights.

“Lovely to meet you, Kayla. Such a pretty name for a pretty girl. So, how did you all meet?” He prompted.

Verity piped up. “You don’t wanna know, Mr. Collins!” I blushed.

“Why not? Oh, no matter. So, what have you girls been up to?” He asked.

“Daddy, why don’t you get settled first. It’s kind of a long story. So, um, do you want coffee or wine?” Candace inquired.

“You know what? I’ll have one more wine; I don’t have to drive now.” He smiled. What about you, hon?”

“Yes, me too, white.” She added tersely.

“Coming right up!” Candace announced, heading toward the fridge. She then grabbed two wine glasses out of the cupboard and poured them half full in the practiced ballet of a trained sommelier. “Can we cozy up in the den? Kayla hasn’t seen it yet and it’s much nicer for a conversation.”

“You bet. See you in there in…” he looked at his watch, “five minutes.”

“Okay Daddy. Okay girls, should we have tea or hot chocolate?” She asked us.

“Hot chocolate! Verity and I declared with a giggles and smiles.

Our hot chocolate was ready just at the five minute mark and we made our way to the den. Wow! It was maybe half the size of a home library, well, home in the mansion sense, but still quite cozy with all the bookshelves and a fireplace that was already aflame. Mr. and Mrs. Collins were seated in their plush chairs, with their wine on little tables that looked like they belonged in a yacht club.

We girls sat on the matching sofa facing them and Candace began. She told the story of how we met and all our fun up to my mother visiting. Then it was my turn. “Kayla, why don’t you take it from here?”

“Um, sure.” The shaky trepidation was evident in my voice, but I kept relatively calm. I finished up with, “So my mom has pretty much disowned me and thrown me out of the house.” I began to cry sobs I hoped weren’t too ugly. The girls hugged me and both the Collins elders came and stood waiting for the girls to vacate. They then took seats to either side of me. It was then their turn to hug me.

Mrs. Collins began. “Sweetie, I can’t imagine what your life has been like, or what it was like to be essentially cut out of your family. But I can tell you this: we will do all we can to help you…”

“...and you can stay as long as you need. Our home is open completely to you.” Mr. Collins continued his wife's thought. “I can tell that you mean a lot to Candace, and she has good taste in friends, present company excepted.” He glanced at Verity seriously, then smiled.

“Hey!” She protested, then giggled.

“I’m sorry for your troubles; just let us know how we can help and we will help as best as we can. You are not alone, okay?” He squeezed my hand.

I nodded, saying, “thank you Mr. C., Mrs. C., that’s very kind of you and I promise not to be too much trouble.”

“Don’t you worry about that,” Mrs. Collins soothed. “We’ll deal with anything that comes our way; right hon?”

“That’s right. Now, we’ll talk more tomorrow, but for now, we need to get some rest. Make all the noise you want in the basement since we can’t hear you upstairs, okay?” He surprised me with that one. At home, if I so much as whispered out of turn I got the evil eye or worse. They are so cool!

They each gave me one more hug before turning to leave. Mr. C. paused and looked at me. “Truly, Kayla, welcome to our home.”

“Thank you sir.” I looked to him, wide eyed.

“So polite,” he chuckled. Don’t know where I learned that from. Honestly!

So the three of us trundled up the stairs to get ready for bed. Candace loaned me some jammies. Verity had flitted home for hers earlier in the day. We quietly made our way back down to the noise box and began the slumber party in earnest.

To Be Continued…

 

Friending Jane Austin Chapters 7-9 By Tara Nicole Miller Copyright © 2024 Tara Nicole Miller All Rights Reserved. Word Count 4,950

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Image Credit: From Adobe Stock Photos - Three women in vintage attire with braided hair, posing for a selfie. By Irina Kozel
 

Since slumber parties are generally much of a muchness, I’ll just give the highlights. Since we already did all the makeup, dress-up, nails, and hair fun earlier, we simply fired up the karaoke machine and went at it for a little more than an hour. That was super fun as I hadn’t sung in front of other people since I was a very little ‘girl.’ Verity had nixed a Jane Austen film festival in favor of watching ‘Love Actually,’ which was new to me and really great! We ate snacks and drank Pepsi and generally had a laid-back evening. We then played one game of ‘Mall Madness’ for my benefit, since I had to grow up as a lonely boy instead of the social butterfly I was becoming as Kayla.

Then we all simply brushed our teeth, selected another oldie, ‘Notting Hill,’ to watch and lay back snuggled together on the floor. It was all pretty sedate (a good thing after the crazy day I’d had) and absolutely the best day of my life so far. We all fell asleep during the movie and woke up the next morning with various limbs intertwined. That was another new experience! I guess I’ll be having lots of firsts in the coming days, now that I don’t have to pretend to be a boy for my parents anymore.

I wonder if my exile from home will hold. I really hoped it would, because I felt free for the first time in my life. I hope my folks don’t wake up one day and decide to try to fight to get me back. And that’s what it would be, now that I’ve had a taste of life without my oppressive family around me. But what does my future hold? I’m almost fifteen, but I’ll still need a place to live, a family to live with and I really didn’t want it to be a foster family. I wish I could stay here…

Here, the people are nice - very nice, and kind, and they know my secret, at least as far as my partial honesty went. That’s a big deal. Having a secret hanging over you is very much like living (partially living) terrified in a ‘safe’ room as you feel the oxygen depleting by the second. Here I feel free, and having friends for the first time is the most wonderful thing I can imagine in life. Maybe a romantic love will be better some day, but that’s in the far future, I imagine.

My future is totally up in the air right now and even that feeling is way better than not seeing a future at all. At least I can look up and see glimpses of all the myriad possibilities I can grasp for. Thus, I woke up feeling practically giddy amongst my friends. I’m in a big, beautiful home, and still have most of the summer in front of me. I don’t start high school for a couple more months and I am hoping that I can go as me, though I can’t imagine how that’s going to work. Verity and Candace are one year ahead of me and, while we wont be in the same classes, at least they’ve paved the way and can help me chart my path.

It’s bizarre how, in less than one day, it feels like we have become inseparable parts of a whole. BFFs, hopefully for life. They are the best people I’ve ever met, though that’s not saying much, coming from a cruel family and their like-minded coterie of hate-mongers. I shiver at the thought. I shook it out of my mind and padded my way to the bathroom. I still had some mascara framing my eyes, but I had to wipe off the sooty streaks that migrated south during the night.

I padded my way upstairs and into the kitchen to see what was what. Mrs. Collins was sitting at the kitchen table, with what looked like a freshly cut bouquet of flowers, reading something on her iPad. “Good morning Mrs. Collins,” I offered.

“Good morning, Kayla. And, I think you can call me Shannon, now that you are part of the family.” She smiled at me.

I flushed a little, “I’ll try, Miss Shannon.” It’s hard; you try it! Calling an adult by their given name is not something that’ll come easy for me. “Um…part of the family? But, I’ve only known Candace for less than a day and you just a few hours. I don’t understand. Don’t get me wrong,” I smiled, “I love the idea, it just seems…premature, maybe?”

“Not at all, sweetie. I just don’t see you going anywhere any time soon, do you?” She enquired with raised eyebrows.

“No. Not really. That was really bad yesterday, and to be honest, it felt like a break, an irreparable one. I don’t have any intention of going back home ever!” I got a little too emotional there. “Sorry, but…well, thank you. I don’t know where I’d go if it wasn’t for you.” I shuffled over to her and gave her a tearful hug. “Thank you,” I whispered.

I pulled back and she gave my hand a gentle squeeze. “My pleasure. Truly. You seem like a wonderful girl and your life hasn’t been easy. I actually look forward to helping you out, and I have some ideas for that we can talk about this weekend. I think you and Candace should just take a day and relax, maybe go to a movie, I don’t know, you had a heavy day yesterday.”

“Boy, you can say that again!” I giggled. “Um, is it okay if I make breakfast? I like to cook, but every time I cooked at home with my dad around, he gave me a beating. He thought it was too girly. Can you imagine?”

She shook her head. “That is the saddest thing I’ve heard today,” she said sadly, then smiled. “Have at it! Go crazy! Look through the fridge, explore the cupboards. This is your home now, feel free to do and wander and explore anywhere but the master suite.” She gave a little nod.

I smiled. “I have a feeling I’ve only seen the tip of the iceberg here. I can’t believe this house is only a few blocks from my old little hovel. It’s amazing; you’re amazing Miss Shannon, thanks again! Now, let’s see what you’ve, erm we’ve got!” I giggled and turned and began checking out all the cupboards.

After finding all the pots and pans and stuff, I began to rummage through the fridge. There’s enough here to make a dozen nice breakfasts. Sure not like back home, or should I say ‘that Greenlee place?’ I got eggs and cheese and ham and green peppers - that should be enough for a good omelet - don’t wanna get too crazy. I found bacon, oh, and Trader Joe’s hash browns - those are good! I also got out some fruit for a nice fruit salad. Good to go!

I got everything ready except the Omelets. I sauteed the green peppers and put them aside, then I sliced up the ham. Made the melon, grape and strawberry salad with strawberry yogurt on the side. Then tossed the hash browns in the toaster oven - never had one of those before - it’s really neat and you don’t have to use the whole big oven! Then I cooked the bacon; it can be reheated as folks come to the table and it stays crispy.

Twenty minutes later, the hash browns were done, so I asked , “Um, Miss Shannon? Do you want to eat yet?”

“Howsabout five minutes? I’ll go get the sleepy heads up and we can all eat together. Oh, hon, I’ve got two of those omelet pans, sos we can kill two birds…” she prompted.

“Cool!” I missed that when I grabbed this one. So, she got everybody up and we all ate together. I did the elder Collins’ first. It just seemed right. We chatted about everything and nothing, then near the end Miss Shannon asked me if I wanted to talk about my situation.

“Um, anytime, really, Miss Shannon. I’m free all the time, so whenever you feel like it is cool.” I allowed.

“Okay. Let’s just finish up here then. Then we can take a stroll about the garden and shake up our ol’ brain boxes, that sound good?” She asked.

“Very good! Oooh, um, maybe I can pick some flowers for another bouquet? I adore flowers. Do you have enough?” I enquired with a bit of hope.

She laughed. “Honey, we have enough flowers to supply FTD, dontcha know. Feel free. There’s a basket and a pair of scissors out there just for that purpose.” I smiled so hard!

So, after Candace and I cleaned up the kitchen and loaded the dishwasher, all four of us ended up going for that stroll. I have no secrets, not really, except for the extent of my deformity. Miss Shannon began, “So, I understand you have a sister?”

“Yeah, she’s like four years older than me. She’ll be starting college in the fall.” I apprised.

“Okay. Would she be willing to testify in court about your abuse and it’s extent?”

I frowned. “I don’t know. We aren’t as close as we used to be, but she might. You know, she was never hit or spanked or whipped. Prolly cos she’s normal. Kinda sucks that they picked on me.” I frowned again.

“That’s the understatement of the year. Okay, do you have her cell number? Would you be willing to call her first chance?” Miss Shannon prodded.

“Um, yeah, I guess.” I looked over the other houses with my pensive stare. “Maybe I can text her to call me? Would that be okay? She’s always busy doing something, I don’t know what. “Oh! You’re not going to have my father arrested, are you?””

“Not unless you want to. We’re just going for emancipation. No arrests are planned. And it would be just fine, if you want to text her, sweetie. Why don’t you do that now, then we can start cutting those flowers?” She asked with a little waggle to her head.

“Okay.” I tapped on Jenna’s text icon. We hadn’t texted since, wow, three months ago! She rang me almost immediately. Hey Squirt! To what do I owe the pleasure? “Hey, Jenna, do you have a couple minutes?” Yeah. Just. “Okay, good (this should prolly be done in person, but I really don’t want to have te pretend to be that other person anymore), um, if I were to go to court to get emancipated from our parents, would you be willing to testify about dad’s physical and emotional abuse of me?” What? Emancipation? Are you shittin’ me? “No, Jenna, I’m deadly serious; I can’t live with them anymore; I can’t go through the abuse anymore. You know mom threw me outta the house yesterday?”

Yeah, I heard. I thought it was just one of their things they do, you know, tough love? Then bring you back the next day? “Do you honestly believe what they do to me is tough love? It’s bleeping child abuse, Jenna! I’m not even fifteen yet!” Yeah, I guess. Lemme think… Yeah, you know what? If they won’t let you go freely, I’ll totally help. I’ll be going away to college and won’t have to deal with them anyway. So, yeah, go for it! “Thanks Jenna, I owe you a big one.” I actually smiled. Yeah you do! Look, I know they’ve been rough on you and I’m sorry I haven’t protected you like I should, it’s just… “It’s okay Jenna, you don’t have to think of an excuse, but maybe we can meet up sometime and… reconnect?” Yeah, I think we should. Maybe next week? When we know a little more? We could go to lunch or something. “That sounds so great, Jenna.” Okay, good. So, don’t be a stranger, ‘kay? “I won’t, and thanks again!” You got it squirt! See ya! “Yeah,” she clicked off and I shrugged. “See ya,” I said to the flowers.

I looked up after staring at the phone. “Well, that went better than I expected.” I said to my new little family. “So… flowers?” I smiled.

I cut my bouquet and we all chatted about nothing. It was all so… comfortable. I love these guys! The rest of the weekend was kinda chill and Monday came. Miss Shannon was gonna get the ball rolling at work. I was both queasy and excited. This has to work! I cannot go back to those people! I texted Jenna and we set up a time to meet on Wednesday. I had decided I was gonna go as Kayla, not that other person who shall remain nameless.

I was already thinking about what I was gonna wear. I asked Candace if I could borrow something again. “Of course you can, silly! Until you get your own stuff, me closet es su closet! I have a couple packages of panties you can have, so you don’t have to pick through worn ones.” Eeew! She made it sound so gross even though I wore a used lingerie set the other day. “You know what? I just realized that you can wear stuff that I’ve outgrown. You’re so tiny! And I get to clear out my closet and do some more shopping! So, win-win!”

I gave her a hug. “Thanks, bestie.” I whispered.

“Nope! I’m better than a bestie. I’m your new sister. I mean it. I have a feeling you’re gonna be here awhile.” She enthused. So I hugged her a little bit more.

“Thanks.” I choked in a little whisper. I gently dabbed my eyes, then stood up straight. “So, I assume you have some sundresses?”

“You assume correctly padawan. Over here, this section. These are all sundresses, but lemme see if I have your size. I’m a nine, so I’m assuming - it’s my turn - you’re a seven. Here, I haven't worn this in a long time - yep! Seven! Do you like it?”

Like it? I’m in awe of it. It’s so lovely it makes me want to cry. The fabric looked like denim, but it was thin and light and soft as butter. The hem had a boho pattern and above that was a wild English garden of white, pink, and purple blooms. One stalk climbed from the hem to the neck and looked like purple and white petunias. The dress had what looked like a henley collar with three buttons. I mean, wow, I was in love! I finally answered her. “Are you kidding? I love it! It’s perfect!” The darts pinched in the waist so it was going to fit me loverly. “Is this a knockoff?” I asked a bit cheekily.

Her face darkened for a moment. “Of course not!” She seemed offended. “Check out the label, you heathen!” My eyes went wide and she nodded and she was back to her normal sweet self. Note to self: Don’t question Candace’s fashion bona fides. “Well, that’s that done then. Here are the perfect sandals for it. It’s so cool we wear the same size shoe.” She smiled and handed me the sandals. They were white and strappy with purple gems and a two-inch heel. Knowing her, the gems are probably real. Nah! But my sister’s gonna flip out, I was pretty sure of that!

So, that evening, Miss Shannon comes home and says, “well, Kayla, I’ve got the papers filed. We should hear from your parents or their lawyer in a couple days, cool?” She seems to dip into teen speak around us.

“Very cool! Thank you Miss Shannon!” I walked into her bosom and gave her a well-deserved hug. “Um, I’m sorry I didn’t think of it sooner, but, do you think we can do my name change at the same thingy?”

“It’s a hearing and it’s not too late if I file it tomorrow. If the emancipation is successful, then we can go right to the name change at the same hearing.” She reassured me. “So, what’s your full name? I’ll go draw it up right now.” Well, this one’s a go-getter. I hope the judge is, too.

“Um, which name?” I blushed.

“Both, actually. We go ‘from and to’ on the application.” She grabbed a piece of paper and a pen, old-school style. “So, your former name is Andrew what?” She asked gently.

“Andrew Simon Greenlee.” I spat out, thinking I was gonna hurl, the bile rising quickly. “And my real name, my new name is Kayla Jayne Greenlee. That’s Jayne with a ‘y.’ Oooh! Maybe I could change my last name, too? I don’t like those people very much, especially the man that gave me that name.”

“You certainly could if you want and I don’t blame you one bit. So, can you think of a surname you would like?” She asked.

“Can I make it Collins? I love you guys so much; so much more than my own parents and Candace is like a sister to me.” I was practically begging and on the verge of tears.

“Well, you could. Are you sure? I mean it’s a perfectly nice name and all…” She was blushing.

“I am so totally sure! I’m as sure of that as I am of being Kayla Jayne! Kayla Jayne Collins - has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?” I asked with a little pep in my punctuation.

“Yeah, it kinda does,” she smiled with a little water in her eyes. She gave me a hug. “Welcome again to the Family, Kayla Jayne. Then Candace came barrelling in to make it a group hug. I didn’t even know she was there.

A half hour later, Mrs. C (what am I gonna call her now that she’s like my surrogate mom? Well, that’s a bit premature), she comes out of her office saying, “got it filed, kiddo!” I felt another hug coming on. “So, now that that’s taken care of, what about supper? Would you girls like pizza?”

Now, what kind of question is that to ask a teenager. I mean, what am I gonna say, no, I’d rather have broccoli with slivered almonds in a plain yogurt glaze? “I do!” Candace and I blurted.

I just like Italian sausage and mushroom and everyone else has their favorite, so they ordered four medium pizzas! Not like back at the Greenlee place at all! We always had to like it or lump it. I swear, I was turning into a lump back there. I don’t ever want to go back! Please God!

And was it ever good! Verity was finally able to join us Tuesday and it was so fun catching up, what with all the news I had and Verity’s weekend away. We had a blast and it was just like old times - all the way back last week! Anyways, Wednesday finally rolled around and I woke up early, being excited and terrified and queasy and giddy, all rolled up into one flour tortilla. I was bouncing off the walls waiting for Candace to wake up! I actually placed my fingers on her door and recited an incantation.

“What are you doing, you goofball?” Omigod, it worked!

“Um, sorry. Just excited for the day,” I raised my voice through the door.

“Well, don’t just stand there, get in here!” She yelled back.

So, I cracked the door and stuck my head in. “Are you sure?” I asked in a little voice, afraid she might be in a state of undress or something.

“I said, didn’t I? C’mon, get up here.” She patted the bed next to her and I practically flew in, just pulling up at the end so I didn’t jump on her.

“Candace, Candace, Candace, it’s Wednesday! I am sooo nervous!” I was stuck in a loop for a second.

She giggled. “Oh my god, you need to calm down, girl! You’re gonna burn out before you even get there. Pop an ‘O’-ring or something.” She giggled again while I was rubbing her leg for some reason.

I grabbed my phone and quickly scrolled my playlist. I played “You Need to Calm Down” and smiled my fool head off. I used to sing the songs when somebody said something that tickled my melody bone. This is just as good and I get to enjoy listening to it, too!

“You’re so weird!” Candace girly slapped me.

“You just figure that out, sis?” I leaned over and gave her a hug.

“C’mon!” She got up and grabbed my hand, pulling me toward the bathroom. “We gotta keep you busy. “Here.” She grabbed a bottle of Nair and handed it to me. “And this.” This was a pink razor. “For any stray hairs or you bikini area if you are so inclined.” I blushed, because I still didn’t have any hair down there. Even my underarms had peach fuzz, and my face, thank go, was still nicely bereft of hair. Oh!

“Um, Candace. I was just thinking. I’m way past overdue for puberty, thank the goddess, so I was… I need to do something to keep a possible male puberty at bay and maybe grow boobs and stuff.” I was absolutely crimson now. “Do you think your mom would take me to the doctor or whatever? I guess I gotta ask Mr. Googley what he thinks about people like me. What I should do; I really have no idea. I just know I wanna stop any maleness from happening to me.” She had just stood there quietly absorbing all my fears and desires.

“Um, yeah. You really think you might get a boy puberty?” She asked earnestly.

“Yes. It’s a real possibility and I’m like terrified!” Probable, more like and I started crying.

“Okay, well, yeah, mom’ll help you, for sure. You wanna go ask her now? She’s still home. They don’t leave for another half-hour or so.” She asked with a peek at the cute little echo dot with a clock on it. I want one!

“Yes please! C’mon. Where is she?” I rambled at her, frantic.

“Well, let’s check the kitchen first.” She soothed and grabbed my hand leading me out the door.

“Oh! I never thought!” Mrs. C exclaimed. “I just assumed, well, I don’t know what I assumed. Oh my god, well, yes, I’ll certainly get you to a doctor. The legal matters may foul things up for a while, but I’m sure there’s something we can do. I’ll set up an appointment today, okay?” I just nodded and hugged her.

I got an Uber to the restaurant because it was like five miles away. I stood looking at the plate glass window, checking to see if I still looked alright. I scooched over and leaned my back against the brick facade, taking a deep breath. Then I took a peek at my compact mirror to check my makeup again. It’s still fine… Sigh. Here goes nothing!

Jenna looked up from her table near the center of the restaurant, took a glance at me and just put her head back down looking at her phone. I couldn’t help but grin, because she obviously didn’t recognize me. What’s she gonna do when I step up to the table. I shuddered at the thought. So, I sashayed on my two inch heels over to the table, then she looked up again. “Can I help you? She asked.

“Yes. Um, I need to speak with my sister.” I said cheekily.

“Well, don’t let me stop you.” She said and planted her face back into her phone. Rude. But I couldn’t help another little grin.

So, I just pulled out the chair across from her, smoothed my dress out and sat down. “So, is this place any good?” I asked. I figured I’d just go until she figured it out. This was kinda fun. She teased me plenty growing, now she gets her comeuppance.

She just looked up and stared at me. “There are like a dozen other tables here, you’re welcome to one of them. Please, I’m waiting for somebody.” She calmly addressed me. I slightly shook my head with mirth and my earrings tapped my cheeks, reminding me of what I’m doing here.

I couldn’t take it anymore. “Fine, I said. Sorry to bother you.” Ack! Should I just run out of here? I need to face her sometime and I look really cute. Just tell her, you idiot! Stop playing games! Okay, okay! “Jenna.” I whispered reaching my hand out. “It’s me.”

“What? Who… what?” I couldn’t have said it better myself. “Andrew?” Her voice had gone up an octave and several dozen decibels.

“Shhh!” I implored in a loudish whisper. “It’s Kayla now.” I stopped there to see where she would run with this.

“Oh, my, god!” She put both hands to her mouth. “This is so great! What a way to get back at mom and dad! So funny.” She said, making my heart sink.

“This isn’t some twisted joke or devious plan of vengeance. For Pete’s sake, you know me! I’ve never been the most masculine thing on two legs, have I? This is why.” I spread my hands out as if I were demonstrating a product on QVC. My pretty nails glinted in the light, bringing my smile back. “I’m a girl”

“Okay, just give me a minute to wrap my head around this.” She did take that minute, looking at me and then out the window and back again. “You do look really cute; just like me when I was your age.” Thanks, I said. “And, well, I am going to be majoring in psychology, so you are giving me a bit of a headstart on that front.” Terrific, I’m her new lab rat. “Here,” she reached out her hand, “stand up again, I wanna see you.” So, like the obedient rat I am, I stood up and splayed out my arms.

“So?” I said just a tad tersely.

“So, you’re absolutely adorable. How are you still so tiny? My god. I feel like an Amazon next to you.”

“And not the good kind with next day delivery, either,” I deadpanned.

She laughed, and that was a very good thing. I could feel myself relaxing. “Well, shall we order?” She asked.

“Yes please.”

We chatted about all of it; mom and dad - especially dad and his abuse, but I wanted to save my transformation for another day. So, we decided to get together at my new home, the Collins residence, as soon as we could make the schedules work out. “I’ll have to ask Mo-Mrs. C. if I can invite you over. I know she’ll say yes, cos she’s so awesome. They’re all so awesome, and Candace! Omigod, she’s like another sister, only closer to my age - she’ll be sixteen in August.” I rattled with my hands and fingers flying. I love my new home. “Oh, and wait’ll you see the house! Omigod, it’s a regular mansion.”

“You lucky duck.” She smiled.

“Yeah, real lucky,” I said with a frown. I got to get kicked out, hoping I never have to see my parents again. I’ve been beaten to within an inch of my life…”

She reached out and grabbed my hand. “Sorry, sorry, you know I didn’t mean it that way. I know your life has been a bitch, and I’m sorry. Truly, truly sorry. And speaking of bitches, mom has been trash-talking you all week. She won’t shut the fuck up!”

“That’s why I have to do this. Emancipate, I mean. If dad ever saw me he’d probably kill me, and I mean literally. You’ve never borne the brunt of his wrath. It’s… I started crying, so I quickly grabbed a napkin. I didn’t want my mascara to run. “Anyway, our parents should have gotten the paperwork by now. Have they said anything?”

“No, sorry. Maybe today?”

“Maybe,” I hoped.

So we agreed to keep in touch and I’d let her know when I could have her over - I was gonna cook! We stood and she looked me up and down again, then gave me a big hug. Gosh, this went super well. I wasn’t sure what to expect after mom showed her true colors, if you call black and white ‘colors.’

“By sis,” she squeezed my hand. “I think I’m going to like having a sister!” She smiled and I just nodded and went in for a hug.

“Thanks Jenna. I love you!”

“You know what? I love you, too.” She smiled. “See you soon sis.” She let go of my fingers very slowly and she walked away.

To be continued...

 

Friending Jane Austin Chapters 10-12 By Tara Nicole Miller Copyright © 2024 Tara Nicole Miller All Rights Reserved. Word Count 5,000

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Image Credit: From Adobe Stock Photos - Three women in vintage attire with braided hair, posing for a selfie. By Irina Kozel
 

I Ubered my way back home and let myself into the house. There was nobody home, which was a weird feeling. This was my first time alone in my new home. So I just grabbed a Diet Pepsi^TM and a glass of ice and wandered down to the home theater. Plopping on the sofa cross-legged, I pulled out my phone and texted Verity.

Kayla - Hey U! Whatcha?
Verity - Bored as hell - doing nuttin. Reading mags
Kayla - C’mon over then - I m home alone and bored 2
Verity - On my way!

Verity showed up two minutes later. I was waiting for her, so I just opened the door when she stepped up onto the front porch, startling her. I giggled and went immediately for the hug - she squeezed me back. I moved back to arms length, looking into her eyes. “I’ve been missing you girl!”

“Bah! You’re just bored. I know you’ve been busy.” She replied as only she can.

“Well, yeah, I am bored, but I’ve also missed you. It’s not the same without you - quieter and less yelling, but not the same.” I grinned.

“Why don’t you just shut the hell up!?” She snapped and smiled.

We made our way into the kitchen and grabbed a soda for her and a snack to share. We then went downstairs and plopped back on the sofa. “So whatcha wanna do? I’m new to all this and never been alone here, so…” I mentioned.

“Oh, right, duh! I forget you’ve only been living as a girl here for two weeks. You really made a crappy boy!” She reminded me.

“Awww, you say the sweetest things!” I giggled.

I recounted all of my news; the emancipation proceedings, my lunch with Jenna, how nice it is to live here and my new ‘sisterhood of the traveling underpants’ with Candace. Even Verity giggled at that one - it got an eyeroll, too, but that was par for the course.

“Do you think they’ll adopt you? The Collins’?” Verity asked.

I fell back on the sofa. “God, I hope so; I haven’t really thought that far ahead.” I said. “They’re the best family I ever had. But at least I have Jenna now, too. We seem to have bonded like never before; it’s so cool!”

“I can’t believe how your mom went off on you like that! And Jenna says your dad is pretending you’re dead?” She recapped and I nodded. “That is so fucked up! I’m sorry.” She whispered and gave me a hug - the first one ever initiated by Verity. She’s not very touchy-feely after all.

Candace finally showed up. “Had an impromptu cheer practice, then we went out to lunch.” She told us. “I hope you’re here next time,” she said to me, “so you can meet all the girls on the squad. Maybe you want to practice with us?” Verity rolled her eyes.

I replied, “I don’t think so! I’m not a very active person, I’d probably pull every muscle in my body.” I couldn’t deny that I always thought cheerleaders were cool, and the dancing and tricks they could do, or whatever it’s called. Prolly not ‘tricks,’ I giggled to myself. Although I have heard tell of some slutty behavior amongst the team. Verity took great pleasure in telling tales out of school.

“Whats so funny? You really should do something to get in shape. You won’t be young forever, you know.” Wow, she’s gonna make a great mom. I clouded over and my eyes got a little misty, realizing that I would never be able to become a mom. Not from my womb anyway. Can my life get much worse? Probly depends on how my parents deal with this emancipation thing. I suppose it could go much further south. I can see Tierra del Fuego on the horizon.

Anyway, she had me there. Making too much sense as far as I’m concerned. Plus I really have nothing to do except lawyers and doctors, so…“You know what? I will come and watch and see what’s what, is that okay? I’d really like to meet your other friends. Will they mind that I’m only fifteen? Well, in two weeks I will be.” I gave a rambling and no-so-subtle reminder of my upcoming annibirthiversary. I’m so weird.

“To be honest, a couple of them might. We have a couple bitches on the squad, but I have nothing to do with them, so you don’t have to worry. As long as they intend to act like black witches, they can stick to their own coven; they’re personae non grata as far as I’m concerned.” Candace saw me and then raised me a ramble. Plus, they must take Latin in high school or something. Yikes! She’s really super smart, and I thought I was the brains of this outfit. So, what do I bring to the table then? Guess I’m the weird one, huh? Every group needs a weirdo, right? I can shake up the status quo - well, that’s that sorted.

So, we just hung out reading magazines and giggling and picking the boys we like best. I’m partial to Noah Schnapp of ‘Stranger Things,’ myself. You know, the boy that played Will Byers? - so cute! Oh my god! He was especially cute when he was young. Another name tossed about by Candace was Niall Horan. He’s cute and all but he’s like really old now. I do like his song ‘Heaven,’ though. I started singing the song absentmindedly as I flipped pages and the girls stared at me, then started giggling. I turned about seven shades of red.

We were in the midst of doing a quiz in Cosmo Girl when a call came down the stairs. Is it past five already? Dang time flies and all that. Tempus fugit! Take that Candace Collins! “Kayla? Could you come up here, hon?” Oh boy, what fresh hell is this? Can’t be good, can it?

“‘Kay!” I hollered back. I looked between Candace and Verity and shrugged with a face etched with trepidation. I scampered up the stares while C and V (ooh, CV! - I can even make a pun in Latin, so maybe I’m not so dumb after all - giggle, ), CV mumbled whispers behind me. “Hi Miss Shannon.” I breathed when I reached the kitchen. “Anything wrong?”

“Oh, no dear, but I do have some news.” She looked at me with a little Mona Lisa smile and kindness in her eyes. “Your mom contacted me this afternoon. Your parents aren’t going to get a lawyer - she says they can’t afford it and don’t need one anyway.” Oo-kayy. “So, here’s the deal. She says they’re cutting you loose - her words.” My eyes went wide. It kinda hurt, but that’s what I wanted, right? “I’m going to be blunt here, okay? I think you can handle it and I think you should know.” I nodded. “She says they are sick of the drama you cause and they don’t need an abomination dragging the family into hell. Nice, huh?” Yeah, wonderful. I sighed. Am I an abomination? I was born messed up and deformed, after all. Mrs. C. hugged me and whispered as if she could read my mind. “Sweetie, you are not an abomination. You are a sweet and wonderful girl, and I think your parents are the loathsome creatures, if you don’t mind my saying.” I shook my head. I was speechless while I stayed in her embrace. Well, my parents made it easy on me this time - the first time that has ever happened and I would be eternally grateful.

“So, the upshot is, we can get your emancipation on the docket quickly and, while you don’t technically need a foster or adoptive family after emancipation, we would like to adopt you if you would like that. I already see you as a daughter, so we would just be making it official.”

I leaned back and looked into her eyes. I cried in a whisper, “I would love that… mom.” I hugged her again and cried my eyes out. The Greenlees are quickly becoming a thing of the past.

“Oh, and you might like this. Those papers you signed? You are now officially Kayla Jayne Collins, Female.” My eyes went wide. “That’s the nice thing about this state. All you need to do is self identify. The judge just rubber stamped the name change, really. Used to be you had to go to court and be interrogated and all that. So. Do you want to go out and celebrate? Casa Bonita?” Casa Bonita is a huge restaurant that’s practically an Acapulco theme park. I love that place!

My eyes went wide again and I nodded, “yes please!” I kissed my new mom on the cheek and practically jumped and skipped down to the basement to tell the girls.

Verity was super excited, another rarity for her, and Candace smiled. “Must be good news,” she said. I nodded and started to ramble telling them my absolutely wonderful news. I ended with the ‘abomination’ business. I was already so over being upset by that. They just gasped when they heard, and gave me a nice group hug. “Your parents are idiots,” Verity put a period at the end of the sentence. My sentence of oppression and abuse. It was over and I was pleased as I could be. It just seemed too easy. Too good to be true. Shrug.

I called Jenna and she was free and thrilled to join us at the restaurant. At Casa Bonita we just ran around, trying to avoid the waitstaff who were also literally running with heavily laden trays. The cliff diver made a splash and we marveled at his chiseled body, olive skinned and glistening. I thought Jenna was gonna flip. The food was so good, and you can eat as much as you want, though truth be told, I never get my money’s worth at all-you-can-eat places. We had the best time and when we got outside, into the cooling summer evening, I gave my new parents a nice big hug.

Jenna and I made a date for the following week to get together and talk and just chill. Mom, my new mom, was even gonna cook! I wasn’t quite sure if she knew how, because we always got takeout or went to a restaurant or I cooked. I was trying to teach Candace how to cook and sometimes verity joined us for that. We had a lot of fun in the kitchen, but I don’t know if Verity is gonna be the cooking kind. She’s a modern girl.

When Monday rolled around, Candace had most of the cheer squad come over to practice and then swim. It was cool in the morning, but it was gonna be 90 in the afternoon, so that would feel good. I really wanted to get some exercise with the girls, so Candace let me have her middle school cheer uniform - it actually fit and looked really cute! Everybody else was in workout clothes so I felt like what the British call the ‘dog’s dinner.’ I don’t get that saying, but I thought it sounded cute, even if it was a tad derogatory.

All I could pretty much do was bounce around until the girls gathered round after about an hour. They helped me learn how to do cartwheels and even a back flip! That was scary, but they had a good hold on me the whole time. I didn’t figure I could ever become a cheerleader, but it was fun hanging out with the girls and getting exercise. If you have to exercise, you might as well make it fun, right? The exercise equipment in our basement is just really boring!

Anyways, all us girls piled into the garage to get some drinks out of the extra fridge. It was just for drinks and it was loaded, and there were more cases on the shelves lining the wall! Most of the girls chose a fruit juice, so I went along, being that I’m learning to get fit and I’m new to all this stuff. I ran upstairs to get my swimsuit on. I made sure my gaff was secure - didn’t want any surprises with a dozen girls around! My one-piece suit is a pretty coral color with a large gardenia and had a bust that was slightly enhanced. I decided to put a couple gel inserts I bought into the little pockets they provide because, well, some of the girls are pretty well-endowed and I didn’t want to look like the flat little sister. I gave myself a once over, checked my mascara and lip gloss and pronounced myself cute. And flat! I mean the boy bits appeared to be nonexistent and that just felt so right. I was quite pleased.

Summers can be pretty boring and uneventful, and this one kinda was too, albeit punctuated with a great deal of drama and the occasional get-together. So not much happened leading up to my birthday. I was pretty excited to finally turn fifteen, but I suppose I would have been even more excited had I been a latina. You hear a lot about Quincenearas around here and I was a bit jealous. I guess sweet sixteens are the gringo equivalent, but I have to wait another year for that.

The morning of my birthday dawned boring, but bright. Yawn to both of those things as I had trouble waking up for a moment before my phone jingled and startled me wide-eyed. It was Candace, just some twenty feet away in her own bedroom. She wanted to know if I wanted to get some more exercise in with the cheer squad this morning.

Candace - You wanna do cheer this AM?
Kayla - Just woke up. Need 2 think
Candace - Don’t hurt yourself (-;
Kayla - Very funny, not! Oh, yes ok, was fun last time
Candace - k, good, will be at Steph’s this time
Kayla - k, what time?
Candace - 9
Kayla - k, cu in a min

I had been meandering to Candace’s door while texting. Lucky I didn’t break my neck, but as soon as I sent my last message I knocked on her door. “Come in silly!” She bellowed. Well, in a sweet girly way. There’s really no term for that.

“Morning,” I offered, still rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

“Morning sleepy head!” She bounced out of bed. “We gotta find you something to wear.”

“Yeah, about that. I should really get my own clothes. Do you think mom will let me go shopping?” I asked. “Maybe I should get a job.”

“Of course she will, but, hang on, let me empty my closet of the stuff that doesn’t fit anymore. Sorry I haven't done that yet. But…”

“But, what about today?” I cut her off. I hate when I do that, cos I hate when people do that to me! Sigh. “I don’t wanna be the ‘dog’s dinner’ again.”

“Wait, the what now?”

“Dog’s dinner; it’s what the Brits say when you are all dressed up and nobody else is. Isn’t that cute?” I asked.

“Yeah, but I don’t get it.” She admitted. I just shrugged because I still didn’t get it either.

“Whatever. You got some workout clothes I could borrow today? Or, til I get my own, anyway.” I pleaded even though I knew she would give me the shirt off her back.

We walked into her cavernous closet. Mine is only half its size, but should be sufficient, if I ever get my own stuff. “Here,” she pulled out a drawer. “I’ve got a whole drawerful. Take your pick. They’re stretchy, so they should fit okay.”

“Okay, um, thanks, but what are you gonna wear? Remember, I’m new to all this and I was so nervous last week I didn’t pay attention to what the girls were all wearing.” I said.

“Right. Okay, we just wear SoffeTM shorts with compression shorts underneath, for modesty, but, well,” she turned red, “they should do a good job for you, you know, down there.”

My turn to turn red. “Um, okay,” I said. “Cool, then what about up top?”

Just a t-shirt, usually, and we tie them at the waist so they don’t get in the way. Some girls just like to wear a sports bra or a sporty crop top with a bra built in. With your waist and the weather being so nice, I think you should go that route. So, here is a matching set.” She dangled them in front of me and I grabbed the soft garments.

“Oh, these are nice.” I stroked the fabric.

“Only the best! Why don’t you go try them on, then we should go get breakfast.” She mommed me once again.

“Um, okay.” So I tried them on and they looked really good on me. I just dashed on some mascara and lip gloss and we skipped downstairs for a breakfast of cereal and berries.

“We’ll each bring a banana for later, when we need extra energy. You’ll get the hang of all this pretty quick if you keep hanging out with us. All the girls are really dedicated and keep to a good diet and exercise regimen.

“K.” I said, simply.

So, cheer practice was even more fun this time, because I could join in on more stuff, and I was getting to know the cheers. Stephanie recorded the session, so any newbies can practice on their own during the week. So that was pretty cool. Steph’s mom was also pretty cool. She brought out a bunch of fruit and power bars and juice for all of us and she watched and cheered us on. The cheerleaders have a cheering section. I thought that was kinda funny.

I got a good workout and was pretty sweaty by the time we returned home. I jumped in the shower and did the whole nine pretty quickly. I just did mascara and lip gloss again and was ready to go put something casual on when Candace came out of her closet with a gorgeous sundress. “This… is for you! And you can keep it, it’s a size 5.”

“Really? Wow! It’s gorgeous!” It was another teal dress, but this one was darker and more mature. It was crinkly and soft and flowy, with contrasting lace at the waist. The spaghetti straps would show off my shoulders to great effect. Candace called it a ‘swing’ dress, whatever that means. I need to buy a book on fashion or something, I was absent the day all the girls learned this stuff! I went to my dresser and pulled out the same lingerie set I wore the day I met Jenna for lunch. It matched almost perfectly with the dress.

I felt way too dressed up, but I liked it so much that I decided to be the dog’s dinner again. God, I love that phrase! I heard Candace holler from the hall, “I’ll meet you in the basement! Bring a drink!”

“K!” I yelled back. I checked myself in the mirror and decided to add a little more makeup since the dress was so nice. Deeming myself ‘good enough,’ I made my way downstairs to grab my Diet Pepsi^TM and jet to the basement. As I rounded the corner I heard a deafening “Surprise!” I let out a little scream and my hands went to my face, nearly dropping my soda in the process. Then followed a rousing rendition of ‘Happy Birthday,’ even though it’s still under copyright.

I saw mom lighting the candles on the cake, but no dad. I suppose he had to stay at the office to keep things running. All my friends and even acquaintances were there. Of course, Candace and Verity, my two besties. Then there was nearly all the cheer squad, all but the ‘bitch brigade,’ as I’d branded them. From out of the corner stepped Jenna, and was that a surprise! She came over, crying for some reason, and gave me a big hug. “Happy Birthday, sis.” She whispered.

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” I wondered aloud.

“It’s just, you look so… you look so beautiful! My little sister is growing up!” She sniffled and I gave her another hug.

“I’m glad you could come. Honestly, I had forgotten that today’s my birthday. Candace distracted me!” I turned and gave my newest sister a mock glare. She just gave me a goofy grin.

Jenna grabbed my hand and pulled me to the table where the cake sat, glimmering with fifteen candles. Everyone sang Happy Birthday again (two violations now!) and yelled for me to make a wish. Well, you can guess what I wished for, but after I blew out all the candles, I was pretty sure my extraneous appendage was still there. It gave a little confirmation wiggle. I was still pretty flat up top, too. Maybe these things take time?

On the other side of the room I saw another table laden with about a hundred gifts, I kid you not! Mom said, “Go ahead and grab some food honey, we’ll open them after everyone’s fed, okay? I nodded at her mind-reading again.

We had pizza. I think that’s some kind of rule for these kinds of things and I had my two slices of sausage and mushroom. I wanted to hide the rest of that pizza, but that would be kinda rude. I finally drank my Pepsi^TM, thus mitigating any possibility of shock and awe causing a mess and ruining my new dress. Oh, did I say? Everybody was dressed up. Not a single pair of shorts or jeans to be seen anywhere. All party frocks! And Jenna and Candace looked absolutely beautiful.

Finally! Finally it was time to open my presents. Mom told me to have a seat and they would be brought to me. Everyone gathered round and I felt a permanent blush settle in. Being the center of attention was never my thing. You would not believe the presents I got. From the cheer squad, I got makeup and nail polish and earrings and bangles and colognes. From Candace I got the giant box in the corner. I couldn’t imagine what it could be. But, that was being saved til later. From Jenna I got a pretty jumpsuit and a pair of heels that will go great with it. What did I get from Verity? Wow, I got a collection of every film based on a Jane Austen Novel! There must be about twenty of them. How could she…? Oh, duh, everybody in this neighborhood has money, including me now!

About thirty of the gifts were saved for tonight when dad would be home, and we were gonna have Chinese! Two of my favorites in one day. Gosh my mind was reeling. I can’t wait until tonight! Oh, jeez, it’s only an hour away. Time flies when you’re opening four dozen presents and oohing and ahhing over every single one! When I was done, girls started wandering out to go home. I was so happy that Jenna was gonna stay for tonight’s festivities, for which I must now go check myself and fix whatever is amiss.

Dad got home at 5:30, carrying four bags of what smelled like Chinese food. I was doing flips inside I was so excited. We did it family style, each taking some of whatever they wanted, and I took, let’s see, Kung Pao shrimp, Pork lo mein, and spicy beef broccoli - yum! Egg rolls and crab wontons and hot and sour soup, I swear I was in heaven. There were tons of leftovers, too, so the next couple days were going to be bliss food-wise.

Finally, as the coffee and tea were being served, it was time to open the rest of my presents. I swear there were still three dozen left to go. Candace’s was still waiting in the corner as I began to open. It was just the five of us tonight and it was cozy in front of the fire. Dad would bring me a pile of presents and I would just let ‘er rip! It was funny, each present said it was from a different cute actor or singer. I’m guessing Candace thought that one up and provided the names. Oh! I also got ones from Katy Perry and Sia and even Taylor Swift! I didn’t know they cared.

I opened the first one and it was a classic Barbie! I laughed my fool head off, then I stopped stunned and just started crying. What was wrong with me? Candace and Jenna and mom all came over to comfort me. Mom said, “It’s okay sweetie; I’m guessing you never got a Barbie before?” I just nodded and sniffled. “Okay, well now you do, so stop that crying, you’ve got more presents to open.”

It seems I was to be laugh-crying all night, because my next present was a baby doll with a bottle and diaper and all that. My gosh. I got an American Girl doll, too. One that looked just like me, with long, braided, blonde hair. I hugged it. I actually hugged the doll! I got a few stuffed animals, then I got another Barbie, this one in a period costume like Jane Austen; then I got a whole bunch of clothes for them. I got a Skipper doll with a pram and a puppy. Then I opened a DVD. A 4K version of ‘The Barbie Movie!’ “ooh, we are so watching that tonight!” I blurted, smiling. “Can you stay over, Jenna?” I looked over to my big sister.

“Of course I can!” She responded. “I even brought my jammies and my weekender. This was not unplanned, as if!” I just giggled and gave her a hug.

Then Candace piped up. “Verity’s gonna come back over later and we’re gonna have a slumber party!” I fell back on the sofa smiling. This day could not get any better! I still had a bunch of presents to open and I got more dolls and makeup and movies. The movies were all girly ones I should have seen growing up, but wasn’t really allowed to. I did occasionally sneak one when I was alone, back in the day, but not many. The cool thing was, they had the digital code thingy, so we don’t have to mess with DVDs when we wanna watch a movie! I love that!

Finally, I got to Candace’s gift. The whopper in the corner. I couldn’t even imagine what it could be. Turns out, after ripping aff an acre of wrapping paper, it was a Barbie-sized doll house! Oh my god! My sister didn’t even have a doll house when we were growing up, and she said so. I just smiled at her and tilted my head. “You wanna play?” I was done with presents, and although I was surprised I didn’t get any clothes, it was okay, because I get all of Candace’s hand-me-downs. And they are all awesome!

Mom and Dad looked at each other and nodded. “You have one more gift, honey.” I do? “Yes, it’s up in your closet if you want to go have a look before the fun and games start.” Cool! So I dashed away to a chorus of laughs and giggles. BTW, I thought the fun and games had already started like at noon!

I opened my closet door and turned on the light. The closet was absolutely loaded! Dresses and slacks and tops and shoes! Everything! And it was all new! Mom came up behind me, “We left the tags on in case there’s something you don’t like. Every cheerleader, plus Verity and Jenna, got to pick out two outfits for you. And an outfit consists of a top and bottom or a dress. We hope you like them.” Wow! I went and hugged everybody, then I skipped back to fondle all my new clothes. “Don’t forget to check out your dresser, too,” mom said. So I dashed over and found lingerie sets up the wazoo, and camis and, oh! Even better gel inserts for in my bra! The weird fabricky ones I have are so going in the trash. I blushed. Then I took them to the bathroom and stuffed them in the little pockets of my bra. I heard some giggles outside the door. I got whistles and cat-calls when I came back out. Double blush.

I went back in the closet to check out all I had gotten, and it was all so beautiful I couldn’t imagine having to return any of it. In the back, I came upon a really fancy dress. I pulled it out and put it against me, then looked up. Jenna said, “I picked that out for you. It’s for homecoming. There will be a dance. Unfortunately, you don’t get a prom for a couple years. You’ll get a new dress then.” She advised.

“Oh my god, it’s gorgeous, thank you!” I gushed and ran over to give her a big hug. I went to hang it back up with reverence. Then I saw another dress next to it. It sorta looked like a Cinderella dress.

“That’s a Cinderella dress, a good one. Jenna said you didn’t get to play dress-up when you were young, so now’s your chance.” I was stunned, and as I looked at the dress up against me, I felt myself tearing up. Then, as I scanned the closet and all my new, wonderful clothes, and when I got a peek at my family, I lost it. I collapsed in a heap and bawled my eyes out. I shuddered as mom reached around me to hold me. “It’s okay honey, let it all out. You are going to live your life now and I want you to live out all of those girlhood moments you’ve missed out on, okay?” I nodded into her bosom. I must have cried for fifteen minutes, or maybe an hour, I couldn’t be sure. Then I whispered, “Thank you.”

“Okay, that’s enough crying, today’s supposed to be happy day. Go put on your pajamas - I put them on your bed.” Mom told me. I nodded and headed toward the bed. There I found an Ariel, the little mermaid, fitted sleep shirt. It was so cute and I couldn’t help but wonder if I would ever grow up in my mind, because I had been deprived of so much of this growing up. Interesting thought. Would I be a child forever? I probably shouldn’t have been, but I was so excited I grabbed the sleep shirt and ran to the bathroom.

“We’ll meet you downstairs, sweetie,” mom said through the door. Verity should be here any minute. I smiled. I really liked Verity. I couldn’t imagine that there was anybody like her in the entire world. I sure had never met them. Girly, yet tough and jaded - but a heart of gold. She’s an old softy, I thought.

So, everybody showed up with a Disney sleep shirt! I laughed and cried and started the Barbie Movie. We all snuggled in for a wonderful end to an amazing day.

 

Friending Jane Austin Chapters 12 - 14 By Tara Nicole Miller Copyright © 2024 Tara Nicole Miller All Rights Reserved. Word Count 5,000

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Image Credit: From Adobe Stock Photos - Three women in vintage attire with braided hair, posing for a selfie. By Irina Kozel
 

We had to go to court to finalize my emancipation from the Greenlee family. The Collins family, plus Verity and my sister Jenna were all there when the emancipation and adoption went through. The courtroom echoed with their cheers and my sobs of gratitude and joy.

I felt lighter, freer, so many cares just gaveled away by the judge. I had but two hurdles left and that was completing my transition with hormones and surgery, and the other was going to school as my real self, as Kayla. That was kinda scary.

Verity said she could help me with the hormone deal, since I couldn’t start taking them for another year. I thought that was so ridiculous as regular girls my age, cis girls, began puberty like three years ago and were well developed already. It was so frustrating, but Verity came to my rescue. We three Mouseketeers were just chilling in the basement, where I was bemoaning my fate, when Verity spoke up. “My mom is making me take birth control pills, because I can’t be trusted apparently.” She said with a touch of vitriol. “You can have them as far as I’m concerned; I’m not in danger of having sex any time soon.” I wasn’t sure. It made me nervous to break the rules and do something without mom or my doctor knowing. But I wanted to start growing in those certain places, you know, breasts, hips, thighs, etc.

I don’t know. “For reals?” I squealed. Apparently they had both estrogen and progesterone in them and should totally do the trick. Added to the spironolactone, I should start making progress. Flout the rules if they seem stupid, that’s Verity’s motto, and it was rapidly becoming mine as well. But I can’t, can I? “Cool. Can I start now?” I asked, hopefully, and she and Candace giggled. Well, that told me.

Verity ran home and brought over six, count ‘em, six little clam shells of birth control pills! I need to find out if taking more is okay, or if it’s dangerous and what not. I gave V a hug and whispered “thanks. You don’t know how much this means to me.”

She said, “Well, I have some kind of idea,” as she hefted her size C’s and we all giggled. I popped one in my mouth and washed it down with my orange juice. I’m getting better at not drinking so much soda. Then I said, “I don’t feel anything yet,” with my hands on my hips, stomping my right foot. Another round of giggles ensued.

“I’m betting you’ll start to get sensitive in about three months,” Candace offered. Well, that’s not too bad. I had a feeling my hands and mirrors were gonna get a workout the next several months. And my chicken fillets would be in service a lot longer than I’d hoped.

We sat a few minutes, quietly looking at our phones or reading a magazine, when I said, “I have an idea.”

“Oh oh, that could be dangerous!” Verity helpfully replied.

I pouted. “Maybe. But I was thinking how I wouldn’t have any clothes if it weren’t for you guys.” I looked at Candace. So, I was thinking, what if we opened a store for trans girls to get clothes really cheap, or even free?”

“How can you make money that way?” Candace riposted in her logician’s manner.

“It wouldn’t be for profit. I wouldn’t feel right profiting on the misery of trans kids, or adults for that matter. I read that even adults are way poorer than society at large and they are so often unemployed.” I elucidated. “And a lot of trans kids are on the street. So, if I found a non-profit, we could maybe get a property cheaper, no taxes, whatever, and people would donate clothes.”

“How would you know if a person was really needy?” Candace continued her devil’s advocacy, but I had an answer, kinda.

“They would just have to show their ID and food stamps card.”

“But, isn’t that an invasion of privacy?” Candace shot back.

Dang. I guess it would be. We can’t just give clothes away to any ol’ person, though. “You’re right. And how would we even know they’re trans? Sheesh. It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“Now, don’t give up.” Candace said. “We can talk to my, our, parents about it, them being lawyers and all. There are a lot of sticky matters to consider, like, if you had a sign “trans kid’s welcome,” who would show up? And it would be a target for the haters out there.”

“Omigosh! You’re right. Oh, I just had another thought.” I looked at Verity and said, “Shush, don’t say it!” Giggles. “The store could be within the premises of the Gender Identity Center or whatever it’s called.”

“Oooh, that could work, but let’s wait and talk to mom and dad, ‘kay?”

“Yeah. Fine. This is totally way more complicated that I thought it would be.” I shrugged my shoulders in full retreat mode. Then I perked up. “I Could call the center right now, oh, that’s what it’s called, just ‘The Center.’ I could call them and see if they have space and are willing to have us join them in a joint venture. Well, me; I haven’t even asked you if you would want to help out.”

“Of course we would, wouldn’t we Verity?” Candace said and verity nodded vigorously with wide eyes. A woman of few words sometimes. And wide eyes; didn’t know she could even make her eyes do that.

“Cool. Thanks guys. I’ll let you know what they say. They might even know about privacy issues and all sorts of demographic stuff. I’m gonna go in there and give them a call.” I pointed to the enclosed exercise room. They just nodded and fell back on the sofa, back to their phones.

I came back fifteen minutes later with a few answers. I sat down between Candace and Verity. “Okay, so they say they have a large space available and they’re, the person I talked to is, I mean, really excited about it. They think it’s a great idea. I wouldn’t have to create a separate non-profit as we could make it under their umbrella, just part of their services. Being in The Center would also weed out cis girls from going in and taking advantage. They said we should just trust that only truly needy girls would use the service, don’t embarrass them by asking for ID and Food Stamp card and all that.” They nodded for me to go on. “And we would have all the resources of The Center to help us gather clothes. There’s apparently hundreds of people that go there. So, I think that’s pretty much it. I made an appointment to meet with their lawyer next Friday afternoon; that’s when they volunteer there apparently.”

“Wow! So you really got the ball rolling quick, didn’t you? I’m impressed. I still think we should talk to mom and dad, though.” Candace supplied and I nodded. I was looking forward to dinner tonight.

So, mom comes in around 5:30ish with bags of chicken and red beans and rice from Popeye’s^TM. Omigosh, I loves their spicy chicken, white meat only of course. How C&V eat the dark meat is beyond me. It tastes like rabbit or squirrel… I’m guessing. Something gamey, anyway. So, as I moaned my way through a chicken breast that was totally Pepsi^TM worthy, I asked mom and dad about my idea.

Mom said, “I think that’s wonderful, honey, but do you really want your great idea to be subsumed under their aegis?” Crap, I need a dictionary. “I mean, do you want them to totally take over this clothing shop you’re proposing?”

“You know? It’s alright, because I just want the service out there and available for needy girls like me. Like me, trans, I mean, not needy, duh!” I rolled my eyes at myself. “Although I was needy just a couple months ago. I didn’t have any clothes but one pathetic outfit, a pair of laddered pantyhose, and a pair of Jenna’s old worn-out shoes.” I got an ‘awww’ for that one, and a ‘you poor thing.’ It was a sad time. But, forget about that, times are so good I’m looking to help others now!

So that was that. I would meet with The Center’s lawyer next Friday and get the ball rolling. Candace was already picking clothes out of her closet that neither she, nor I, nor Verity could or would use. There was a nice big armful there. My stuff all fit and I like it, so I can’t even donate to my own cause (ooh, I could donate all my old boy clothes to something or other). Candace said she would enlist the cheer squad to gather clothes, and those oughta be super cute, being cheerleaders and all. Maybe we can enlist the whole school, but how can I approach them without outing myself? I would really prefer to stay in stealth mode as long as possible. Niggly questions, these.

After another week of working out with the cheer squad, working out on our exercise equipment, eating well, reading, and just hanging, Friday finally came and I had the lawyer in the afternoon. I wanted a sober outfit, like a skirt suit, to wear to the meeting. I wanted to appear like a mature woman, not a silly girl.

“I have just the one. I got it for when I joined FBLA in junior high a coupla years ago. That’s ‘Future Business Leaders of America.’ I never even went to any meetings and just quit a few weeks into it. I wasn’t that much interested in business and I was pretty busy with cheer and dance and gymnastics.” Candace said.

“Wow, you were busy. I can’t imagine. Jeez, girl!” I exclaimed.

“I know! I was always tired and my grades were slipping, so mom made me quit one. I chose to quit gymnastics. I knew enough to get by in cheer without it. And I like cheer and the dance squad better anyway.” She explained. “Anyway, this suit is perfect. It’s your size and everything. I swear I’m gonna get these size fives over to you one of these days!”

“No hurry, I’m well wardrobed now!” I exuded. And I liked the suit. It was like a mauve and really light and soft. It draped really nicely. The jacket had a collar and one button and there was a pencil skirt that just reached my knee. I don’t know if it was supposed to be knee length or if I’m just that short!

I had a pair of gray pumps with a three-inch kitten heel that would go nicely with it. I didn’t think my strappy sandals would emit the proper vibes. I think my gold jewelry will go better than the silver. Yes, I think I am well suited now.

I did full makeup, but a day look so I didn’t look like a tramp or that I was trying too hard. I looked totally amazing and like I was ready to be a CEO or something, maybe Secretary of State? Anyway, The Center was about ten miles away so I called an Uber (I can’t wait for Candace to get a car - but that’s a month away). I get a $100 a week allowance, just like Candace, so I don’t feel too horrible about spending it on travel.

I stepped into The Center just before eleven. There were people of all ages milling about. Didn’t seem like there was anything organized going on at the moment. There were a couple of guys, but it was mostly girls. Half of them I couldn’t tell if they were cis or trans. The other half either passed poorly or weren’t even trying, like crossdressers or something. They looked like guys in dresses. I shuddered. Thank god I look like a girl! I felt bad for even thinking such a thing, but it’s true, isn’t it? Nobody would want to look like a guy in a dress on purpose.

I asked one girl where the admin office was and she pointed to the corner. So, I meandered over and took a peek in the open door. I gave a little knock. “Are you the lawyer?” I asked a young woman of about 30.

“Yes, ma’am.” She looked at her phone. “You must be Miss Collins?”

“Yes, but, please call me Kayla.” I told her.

“Righteo!” She enthused. She was so bubbly. “I’m Susan.”

“Um, are you, um, one of us? I don’t know if it’s proper to ask.” I stuttered, turning red.

“It’s okay with me. And yes, I actually had my surgery when I turned eighteen. I’m one of the lucky ones. Like you, I’d say.” She grinned. “I’m working here as research for my PhD thesis. But, I’ll probably stay on after. A lot of these girls need someone like me.”

I nodded and she gestured me toward the seat in front of her desk. I sat down. “So, have you been told anything about why I’m here?”

“Yes, but why don’t we go over it all again? Dot our ‘i’s and cross our ‘t’s and all that.

So I laid out my idea and she thought it was fantastic. She was also impressed that I had no need for recognition or profit. I felt good about all that. I mean, I’ve got all I’ve ever wanted right now, well, except for completion of the process, but I’m on my way! I added a caveat at the end of my presentation. “I would like it formalized that I will be the manager of the store, though. That much I would like to insist on.”

“How old are you?” She asked.

“Fifteen. Is that going to be a problem?” I asked, warily.

“Shouldn’t,” She said. “Plenty of fifteen-year-olds running things these days.”

“Really?” I gasped.

She nodded. “Yep, especially in tech. Lot’s of home-grown businesses out there and kids seem to know what is needed in the marketplace.” That’s cool! “It’s a brave new world!” She said excitedly. “So, you’re right on trend.”

I smiled, then went on, “Oh, there’s only one other thing I need, that I can think of right now.” She nodded for me to go ahead. “I’ll need a small expense account for like travel and incidentals.”

“Of course. I think I’ll make the shop a separate entity under The Center. Keep everything organized.” She said and I nodded.

“Oh, sorry, but, would it be wrong to name the store ‘Kayla’s Closet?’ I had the idea when thinking of my closet at home and how I didn’t have any clothes while I was in the so-called ‘closet.’ Is it egotistical to name it after me? I just thought the name was cute.”

“It is cute, and I see no problems whatsoever. I think that is a brand name that should resonate. You want to spell closet with a ‘K?’” She asked.

“Can I have a pen and paper? I’d like to see it in print so I can tell.” So she did, and I did. I liked it, but still wasn’t sure. Didn’t want to be too kitchy. Kayla’s Kloset. Yep, too kitchy. “Let’s go with a ‘C,’” I said with finality.

“You got it. Should have the paperwork all done by next Friday. This will be a cool chapter in my thesis, dontcha know?” She grinned. “I’ll call you when it’s done and you can look it over and sign. Okay?”

I nodded and began to stand up. “Sounds great, Susan! I’m so excited! So, see you next Friday?” She nodded and shook my hand. Oh, then she Purelled. Rude. I giggled to myself.

“Let me just show you the space before you go.” She said, gesturing me out the door. It’s just back here, gathering dust.

The floor plan of The Center is pretty wide open with a large main space. But there were offshoots, some with doors and some without. “Can we take the door off? Or does it need to be locked up separately?” I asked.

“You’ll want to be able to lock it up when there is nobody manning the shop and then at night. Trans people can be thieves as well as cis people, sad to say. Especially economically disadvantaged ones.” She frowned. I actually would have thought trans people would be different. Better. There’s my naivete showing again.

“Wow, this space is great!” I said, eying the large space. “This should be plenty of room.” It had to be close to 500 square feet. But, if we got tons of clothes… “Is there room for expansion?”

“There is, and that would be covered by anything we, you take in for capital expenditures and operational costs; I’ll have to double check how that works because I’m not really a business lawyer. I usually know just enough to get by.” She said. I should take a business course next year. All these new terms. Yikes!

“Okay, cool. Um, I’ll draw up a plan for the space this week.” I thought out loud. This should be fun!

I Ubered back home, thinking how glad I’ll be when I can get reimbursed for the travel expense. “All sorted,” I blurted when I found Candace and Verity at the lunch counter.

“Really? Cool!” Said Candace as I hung my purse on the back of the stool.

“Yeah. Any more of that?” I nodded at their lunch of leftover Chinese.

“Yeth!” Verity tried to say with a mouthful of noodles. I giggled

I Microwaved a nice sized portion and sat next to Verity. I regaled them with news about my meeting with Susan and about the space and The Center in general. “So, next Friday I go in to sign papers and the head person will be there for me to show my drawings and ideas and stuff.”

“Wow!” CV said in stereo. Years of friendship will cause that sometimes. “This is happening so fast. How do you feel about that?” Candace said, being the sensible mom again.

“I’m excited! Honestly. I’ll have August, which is usually boring and filled with worries about the upcoming school year. I’ll have August to get everything sorted out and hopefully running smoothly with volunteers and stuff. I’ll have to advertise for clothing donations and gather stuff from all you guys, the cheerleaders and stuff, then I could just go in on weekends and maybe one evening per week to keep things in order.”

“Sakes, you’re not the girl we met two months ago, are you, all timid and shy.” Candace pointed out.

I grinned, “Nope! As Susan said, it’s 'a brave new world!' I’m a much different person, now that I get to be the real me. I just feel free, you know?” I gestured excitedly. “Food!” I blurted and they laughed. So I dug into my yummy lunch.

I made my sketches and wrote an outline of all my ideas. If nothing else, this project will get my mind ready for high school; at least I’m hoping. If I had more time to worry, I’d probably be a blubbering mess. The day after Labor Day will be my first in school presenting finally as myself, a girl. We still had to talk to the administration, otherwise we could be accused of something nefarious. I was wishing that we didn’t have to tell anybody, but, I guess with a bunch of young people you have to be honest to those who are charged with their safety and well-being. At least that’s what mom and dad say. Sigh.

Well, I’ve been bullied my whole life. It couldn’t get too much worse, surely, could it? Thankfully I didn’t have a lot of time to worry, what with the shop and all that.

It wasn’t that hard, making the schematic. All the skirts together, all the dresses together, shoes, etc. I needed two changing rooms, so that would take labor and materials. I bet a member of The Center could help with that. I saw a couple in dresses and heels hammering something the other day. I wouldn’t even know how to hold a hammer. Ooh, I just thought of the crossdressers and trans girls that are not as yet well endowed might appreciate some shaping garments. I guess we could buy them wholesale and sell them at maybe a dollar above cost. Ideas come fast and furious when you are being creative.

I wanted to make the shop super girly. Maybe Barbie colors, like Pepto Bismol pink and teal. Yes. And my sign will be in those colors. Then signs above each area. Jeez, we need a cash register, just one. It’s not like all of Denver will be flowing through here. But, I need to get on the girls, because we will need stock ASAP. So, I ran upstairs to talk to Candace.

“Yeah. We’re having a practice tomorrow anyway, so we can talk to them then. It’ll be like multi-level marketing; they can provide their old stuff and ask all their friends; it’s like geometric progression. We should have quite a bit by the end of the week. You might want to send bags around in the mail or on their front doorstep - that would be better cos that wouldn’t cost anything but the bags, and label them for “At-risk girls” or something, so bigots will still donate. That would be a nice slap in the face for the jerks.” Ooh, she’s as devious as Verity sometimes. I giggled at that.

OMG. I had a cool idea. Anything that is male, or inappropriate to our venture or overflow, I could start a separate store and actually make money at that one. I would sell them to the retail store for a nominal fee (who needs a business class?) Wow, the ideas are really flowing now. But what about when school starts? Would I have time for all of this? School - yikes! Don’t even think about it girlfriend.

There is a standalone property that has been vacant since COVID buried a lot of businesses; it was a Dollar Store. That would be perfect. I’ll have to check on that. And maybe I could be a lobbyist for transgender youth. Gosh, I’m becoming like a manic nut job. I need to stick to one project at a time, for Pete’s sake! I have doctors and therapists and school and exercise. I need to knock it off. Candace would be proud of me, reining myself in like that.

I took the rest of my weekly allowance and bought 1000 pink bags for $75. I then bought 1000 envelopes for $20 and began stuffing them, after I labeled them for Kayla’s Closet. That took me two days! Gosh, this was real money before we could even take any in, and we’re gonna need clothing racks and hangers and stuff. I need to ask Susan at The Center if she knows anywhere I can get used ones or going-out-of-business ones. She’s like twice my age so she should know twice as much, right? No, that math doesn’t track, but she knows way more than I do anyway.

“Earth to Kayla.” That sounded like Verity, somewhere off in the distance. I had a fork-full of lo-mein paused in front of me for gosh knows how long. I shook my head and dropped my fork and CV cracked up. “Wow, where did you go?” Verity asked, giggling.

“Sorry, I was just kitting out our new store and then opening a new one, and stocking and purchasing and…” I smiled realizing how manic I sounded. “I need to cool my jets, don’t I?” I looked at Candace. “Care to weigh in?”

Candace giggled. “No, you’re doing fine. But, you know you don’t have to do all this alone, don’t you?”

“Yeah. You’re right, but all this thinking about the store is keeping my mind off the scary stuff. I mean starting high school is terrifying enough, but, you know, I’m a new, um, person and all…” I presented myself gesturing up and down. “What’s gonna happen? Will I get slaughtered or will people not care so much.? I don’t know…”

“Wow, you do have a lot on your plate and I totally get it. Well, I kinda get it. But, you don’t have to do school on your own, either, you know? We’ve got a couple other freshman girls who are gonna be on the squad. They will have some of the same classes with you and can have your back. And of course we will, when we’re around. Ohh. Just remembered that tryouts are in a couple weeks. We gotta see if we can get you up to speed, if you want to, that is.”

“Well, I was seriously thinking about it because it’s been so fun practicing with you guys, but doing it for real?... Gosh, it just feels like a lot.” I said.

“It’s because you think you have to do everything on your own, or anything at all, for that matter. All you have to do, positively do, is go to school and get good grades. After that…” Candace left it hanging there.

“Okay, I see what you’re saying.” I mused. “So, school is like what, six hours a day? So, how long did you guys have to study each day? Last year, I mean.”

Why Verity rolled her eyes, I wasn’t sure, but Candace answered for me. “Okay, were starting with basics. Good on you. Um, well it really depends on the person, or if you study with others. V and I would study together a lot, and with reading the chapters and stuff… I’d say about two hours a day?” She looked at Verity, who nodded. “That’s the same for weekend, but there’s no school those days, so there are a lot of free hours, say 68 hours per week for everything and anything else. That’s figuring eight hours of sleep per night.”

“I nodded. Okay. That’s a lot. You got paper? I need to write this down.” I asked.

“Just use your netbook.” Candace mentioned, and it was time for me to roll my eyes.

“I don’t have one. I’ve never even had a regular computer.” I lamented.

Candace gave a start, then slapped her forehead. “Omigod, I forgot you were living on the other side of the tracks. Figuratively, I mean. Duh. I’m sorry, I didn’t think!” Candace got up, gave me a quick hug, then went over to the coffee table in the living room behind us. “Here, use mine. You can have it, actually. I want to get a new one, anyway.” She saw some sort of look on my face I guess, because then she said, “I get the new one, because I’m older, obviously.” She gave a cute roll of her eyes.

We all giggled. Despite whatever look I’d had on my face before, I was truly ever so grateful. I don’t take any of this for granted, not after my childhood. How could I? I got up crying and gave Candace a huge hug. “Thank you.” I whispered into her shoulder. And the Chromebook was pink! Fab!

She opened up the Chromebook and began to tutor me, starting with going into Docs, for our present purposes. This was so cool! I know how to use a computer and I type fast, I just never owned one. I guess I had to learn how to type fast as I was always using a computer in school or the library. Had to get the work done fast, dontcha know? I also took typing last year, so yeah. Fast. So I went into Docs and attacked the keyboard with gusto, causing CVs mouths to gape. I had a page typed up before they could even get a word out of their gaping maws. I had typed up a summary paragraph and an outline of all the things I needed to do and number of hours, etc. At least those that I could think of at the moment. I did a quick CTRL P to see if it would print somewhere and I could hear some action down the hall. Cool.

Verity piped up. “That was fucking amazing, girl! How the hell?...” She slapped me on the shoulder and I just shrugged with a little grin.

So, long story short, I can do all of it! I told Candace, then asked, “When can we get going on cheer practice?” I was so wide-eyed that she giggled and gave me a little hug.

“We’re having more because tryouts are coming up, so… well there’s one tomorrow morning. You set up an email on there and I’ll send you the schedule. Oh, you’ll need to get on Insta so we can all stay connected, you know?” She rattled on. “Oh, you’ll need to schedule in some down time, you know? Like two hours a day just to chill, read, watch a movie, hang with us, all that kinda stuff, you know?”

“Yes, mommy,” I retorted and it was her turn to give me a girly slap.

“Wanna chill now?” I asked. And we all agreed to go down to the basement/theater/whatever and hang out. We talked about everything and nothing (I got to name the basement the ER for entertainment and recreation - so that’s sorted) and it turns out that after cheer tomorrow all us girls are going to go to the mall! Finally, I get to shop as a girl. It’s hard to believe that less than two months ago I was living as a pretend boy and wearing ugly uncomfortable boy clothes; I had parents who hated me and had no friends and did nothing but read. OMG. Life is so fricking good!

To be continued...

Friending Jane Austen: Chapters 15 - 17

 

Friending Jane Austin Chapters 15 - 17 By Tara Nicole Miller Copyright © 2024 Tara Nicole Miller All Rights Reserved. Word Count 6,000

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Image Credit: From Adobe Stock Photos - Three women in vintage attire with braided hair, posing for a selfie. By Irina Kozel
 

Before we headed out for cheer practice, we Collins’ all had breakfast together. I love Saturdays. I didn’t used to, because that meant my former father was home all flipping day giving me flak and I had nothing to do but hate myself and my life. Now, here we all were, my new mom and dad and Candace and me, having a wonderful breakfast and chatting and laughing and… sigh. Bliss.

“Mom, Dad,” I began, relishing in those words referring to these two wonderful people, “I’ve got some preliminary paperwork for my little clothes shop in The Center on Colfax and I was wondering if you could look them over and maybe mark them up, you know, make some notes and stuff. I wanna make sure I do this right.”

Dad waved his piece of toast in the air. “I guess that would be me; I’m the business half of this relationship.” He looked over at mom.

Mom blurted, “Hey! I took business law, too, you know!” Then she stole his toast and took a bite with a wink.

“Yeah, and I took abnormal psychology as an undergrad; what’s your point?” Dad parried.

“Fair enough,” mom acquiesced. “You’re a little go-getter aren’t you, Kayla?”

I blushed. “I don’t know about that, but I do know that I’ve never had the chance to do anything that I cared about before. It’s weird. I don’t think I actually cared about anything before. I think when you’re living a lie in a repressive environment, it’s hard, you know? To care?” I tried to explain my feelings.

“I actually get it.” Mom said. “I work with the oppressed and downtrodden all the time and I see that phenomenon at work. It’s a horrible cycle. I’m glad you’re out of it now. I’m really glad you’re here.” She smiled and reached for my hand.

“Hear, hear,” dad concurred while I blushed to my little tennis shoes.

Candace gave me a hug and a big smile. “I agree. Shall we go get ready for practice?”

I gave mom and dad a hug around their shoulders and whispered a ‘thank you’ into their ears. Candace and I rinsed our dishes and put them in the dishwasher and headed outside. Candace turned around. “Mom? I forgot, do we have anything for snacks for the girls?” Mom put up a finger and walked to the cabinet, pulling out a basket of fruit and a box of power bars. Cool. I love this place.

The girls all trickled in over the next several minutes and we had our full complement, sans the ‘bitch brigade,’ by nine o’clock. I had been practicing to the videos Candace sent to me and the other freshman hopefuls. Working out in the basement gym had gotten me in pretty good shape over two months. Well, mostly the stair stepper, but I did some strength training, too. Candace had also helped me with my flips and roundoffs and such, so I was ready to go. At least I hoped so. Now we all just have to synch up and get on the same page.

God, it was so fun. Two girls that are gonna be seniors this year took over the practice. A tall one named Denise and one a little bit taller than me, probably 5’3” or 4”, named Bridgette. We went for like two hours. We started just by running through all of last years cheers, then focused on one for the rest of the time. It was crazy how good we got that one in just one practice. Even the freshmen had it down. We were gonna kick some butt this year - well, if I make the squad it’ll be we.

We all went to the fridge and got our juices. Candace cracked me up when she yelled into the house, “Seriously Mom? Juice boxes? We’re not eight!” I could hear mom and dad laughing, were they still in the kitchen? Apparently they enjoy watching us on weekends when they’re around. That’s pretty neat. My old parental people didn’t give a furry rat’s tuchus what I was doing unless they wanted something, or they wanted to berate me, a favorite pastime of theirs. The brave new world continues to flourish. Yay me!

The practice broke up and Candace and I went to shower and get ready for some power shopping. I didn’t really need anything anymore, but that’s not really the point is it? Verity was gonna join all us cheerleaders for our afternoon extravaganza. She may not always act girly, but she has no trouble looking as girly as the rest of us. And to look girly, one must shop girly!

I kinda felt sorry for the store clerks, as we were like a giggling estrogen-fuelled teenage cyclone leaving a path of polyester destruction in our wake. It was so much fun, though! I must have tried on fifty outfits, but only bought one since I have a closet full of really nice stuff already. But that was all stuff that was given to me. It was nice to be able to pick something out all on my own. All the other girls bought lots more stuff than me, because they all had money for school shopping. Well, I did, too, but I already had an embarrassment of riches, so…

The one outfit I got was a really pretty jumpsuit that I thought would be perfect for back-to-school day. Should I wear heels? I really wanted to, but I also wanted to fit in. There were some girls that wore heels in middle school, but not a lot. I never picked up on any snarkiness about it, but I wasn’t exactly in the ‘in’ crowd, was I?

So, anyway, I still had most of my $500 clothing stipend burning a hole in my purse, when we passed a store that most girls would just pass by with perhaps a thoughtless giggle. A mastectomy shop, or cancer shop, or whatever it’s called. I kinda felt guilty, since I just wanted to look like the other high school girls. I wasn’t going through the harrowing and dread disease of cancer. I was kinda embarrassed, so I just snuck off as all the other girls continued down toward the food court.

My wallet was $200 lighter when I came out with very realistic B cup breasts nestled in my bra. I really wanted to get C cups, but it would look kinda strange if I suddenly showed up at Taco Bell all curvaceous and buxom. These breasts were the kind you can glue on and I was certainly going to do that so I wouldn’t have to worry about my girls falling out of my bra while cheering for our Wildcats. Ooh, I’m counting my chickens, aren’t I? I have to admit, I was feeling pretty good about my chances of making the squad.

My phone began playing “You Need to Calm Down,” indicating that I had an incoming text. It was from Susan at ‘The Center.’ It read: ‘Got a donation from a successful trans girl who wants to remain anonymous. Heard about your store idea and loved it, so donated $10,000!’ OMG! Wonder how she found out? No matter, we can now go full steam ahead with all our plans! I replied: ‘OMG! That’s amazing, Susan! I’ll start looking for retail fixtures asap. Thanks!’

Apparently I was bouncing up and down as I was tapping on my phone. Candace and Verity were bemused and V, in her inimitable way, asked “What the fuck, girl?”

I was grinning from ear to ear. “We got a donation! For the store! I can get everything now!” Hugs were forthcoming.

So, that kept me pretty busy the following week. I didn’t want to waste any money, so I scoured the city for the best deals I could find. There was no shortage of volunteers, but it was kinda funny how many girls wore dresses and heels to move all the fixtures around and build the fitting rooms. I guess if you have so very few opportunities to be your true self you take advantage when you can. Myself, I was wearing my standard knock-around attire of leggings and a t-shirt over my falsies, while sporting a bouncy ponytail. Today, it was my Taylor Swift Eras Tour t-shirt. So many of the girls were jealous until I told them I didn’t actually get to go to a concert. I didn’t have any money until recently, and even so, my old parental units would have balked at my being a Swifty!

We were playing a playlist of a bunch of female empowerment songs while we worked away. It was so much fun! I got to know some of the girls, but am ashamed to say I was a bit nervous and stand-offish around the more masculine-looking ones. Maybe if I got to know them better it wouldn’t matter what they looked like. I’m still only fifteen and have a lot of work to do on myself and my preconceptions, I guess. Jeez, if I’ve got annoying shreds of looksism, how do I expect Joe and Josephine Sixpack to be a bit more woke? I was so mad at myself!

Everything was now in place and the last thing to be done was painting and putting up the sign. The racks weren’t full by any means, but it was a good start. Maybe with the extra money we (I almost said ‘I’ until I remembered this was a ‘we’ project - thanks Candace!) we can canvas the city for more clothing. I need to talk to someone about getting an online presence for donations. That would be the most efficient way to go about getting more stock. I also want to get some shapewear for the less endowed girls. Gosh, my breastforms were $200, and that’s pretty impossible for a lot of these girls. This is gonna take some serious cash. I was thanking my lucky stars for the woman who donated all that money!

The next day, we had cheer practice which was always amazing. Tryouts were coming up and I was starting to feel pretty confident. Confidence is a new feeling for me and I almost didn’t recognize it when it decided to pay me a visit. Commitment, preparation, and hard work - oh, and finally having a sense of self - all these seemed to contribute to that feeling of confidence in me. I also mustn’t forget the camaraderie, or esprit de corps, as Candace would say.

After practice, most of the girls wanted to come to The Center and help with the finishing touches on our little clothing shop. I was touched by their acceptance of me and their willingness to help me and the community. I’ll be honest, I just wanted to be a regular girl, but I was indeed part of the LGBTQIA, or Pride, community and I was becoming more and more willing to accept that role. So many people knew about my past and my, erm, birth defect, that there was no way to enter high school in stealth mode, so I had to embrace it. And, brace for inevitable negative reactions from people that didn’t know me. Shudder.

I was spray painting the lockers a pretty pink when I thought of our ugly gray lockers at school. It would be so nice to have them be a pretty color and not so institutional. Not gonna ask to paint them pink, though! Giggle. Could you see big football players putting their jackets and books into a pretty pink locker? Not gonna happen. Maybe turquoise? Oooh, our school colors are purple and silver, so maybe…

None of us girls had changed from our workout clothes since we were gonna get dirty and sweaty anyways, so we caused quite a stir around the place. Some young trans girls were asking us all kinds of questions and just being so cute, that got me to thinking, which can be a dangerous thing sometimes. What if we also had dolls and other girly toys for the younger girls? Even older girls, I can attest to that, that have never had a doll would probably love the opportunity to finally have one, even if they had to keep it secreted away in a locker here at The Center. I mentioned this to one of the older women and she had told me that she’s never had a Barbie doll and even she would love one at her age! Yep, I’m gonna put a little section in the corner for toys. A little table for tea parties or just playing and hopefully we’ll have enough for them to keep one or two. I think a sense of ownership is important; something just one’s own to have and to hold, even if just for an hour or two when they can visit The Center. Yes, I’m gonna hit Goodwill - they always have lots of toys to buy real cheap!

The next two weeks were gonna be pretty eventful. Cheer tryouts were coming up as was the grand opening of the store. Then there’s registering for school and all that entails. I was grateful for the pool party after our Saturday cheer practice. It was a chance to chill and relax (I hate the cringeworthy word ‘chillax’ btw!) and take a pause with my girlies and just have a good time. My glued on breast forms seemed to be holding up fine. I wasn’t real confident that they would appear real enough, so I wore a nice one-piece suit. All the girls know about me, so I’m sure they understood why I wasn’t sporting a bikini like the rest of them. When are my own breasts going to start growing? It’s only been like two months, but I was so tempted to start downing two of Verity’s birth-control pills to try and speed up the process. But I’m a sensible girl; well, most of the time. I actually started taking supplements I found on Amazon that are supposed to encourage breast growth, so, yeah, I guess I’m taking some chances.

Steph’s dad was grilling burgers and dogs for us and her mom made potato salad and other stuff, so we were going to be well fed. Having friends is just so cool. In my old life, I would have been at home, hiding in my room, surreptitiously reading trans fiction under the covers. Now I’m living the dream!

And I was lost in a daydream, twirling my straw, watching the sunlight glint off of my pretty pink fingernails when a hefty weight plopped down beside me on the picnic bench. “Hey,” the hefty weight said. “You’re Kayla, right?” Ooh, he’s cute.

“Yes…” I murmured, stunned by this welcome intrusion. Where did he come from?

“I’m, uh, Brian, Stephanie’s brother. Um, you’re gonna be a freshman this year too, right? I think that’s what she said. I mean, I’m not stalking you or anything, unless you find that attractive in a guy?” Gosh, he’s even cute when he rambles. I let out a little giggle.

“Yeah, I’ll be a freshman. You too?” I asked hopefully.

“Yep. Gonna be on the JV football squad, too. I hear you’re a cheerleader. That’s awesome!”

“Thanks, but I still gotta make the squad. Tryouts are this week. I feel pretty good about it, though.” I offered.

“I’m kinda embarrassed to admit this,” he began, “but I was watching you girls practice earlier. I think you’re gonna be a shoo-in. God, I promise, I’m not a stalker!” He smiled a gorgeous, slightly crooked smile.

“Oh, dang, that’s too bad. I’m kinda into stalkers.” I quipped with a wry smile of my own.

“Hey, can I get you a Coke?” He asked, his bushy eyebrows rising.

“Um, sure, a Diet Pepsi?” I relayed, and he was already getting up. “Thanks.”

“You got it, babe!” Babe? Weird, but I liked it.

Stephanie sat down real quick in Brian’s vacated spot. “Is he bugging you?” I looked at her dreamily and she continued, “Oh god, please tell me you don’t have a thing for my brother. He’s a real pain.”

“He seems nice to me. And he’s cute!” I whispered.

“Is he? I guess, in a pain-in-the-ass sort of way. Here he comes, gotta go!” And she was off. As they crossed paths she said to him, “You be nice to Kayla, butthead, or you’ll have me to answer to!”

He was chuckling as he sat down. “She must like you, she’s like a mama bear when she gets protective.”

“Aww, that’s sweet. Yeah, I like Stephanie a lot; she’s taught me a lot, too. She’s really cool.” I said.

“I guess. In a pain-in-the-ass sorta way.” He grinned.

“Omigod, that’s what she said about you, too. That must be your familial idiom.” I pontificated.

“Family what now?” He asked, his face contorting in a quizzical configuration.

“Don’t worry, I’m not that smart. Candace taught me about that when I joined her family. It’s just words and phrases unique to your family.” I explained.

“Oh, I thought you were Candace’s sister.”

I answered, “Well, I am, but I’m adopted. It’s been exactly 72 days since I joined the family.”

“You sound like you joined the mafia or something.” He said in a serious tone.

I giggled. “Yeah. You better be careful or you’re gonna swim with the fishes!” His eyebrow went up. “Are you a good swimmer?” I tried to recover from my terrible Don Corleone impression.

He shook his head to clear it of my nonsense, then he did a quick nod. “Yeah, I suppose. I swim like every day. It’s cool we have our own pool. Our school doesn’t have a swim team, though, so that kinda sucks.”

“Oh, that’s too bad.” I sympathized.

“Yeah. I might try out in college, though.”

“Isn’t there like a private swim club you could join?” I wondered.

“Woah! I never thought of that! Be right back!” He stood and bellowed, “Hey, mom!” I just giggled and smiled as he dashed away.

I took a quick dip to cool off before the burgers were done. I don’t know if it’s true, but evidently you’re supposed to wait an hour after eating before going swimming. I didn’t want to take any chances. I was wishing I had on a bikini, because my tan was gonna be weird. Maybe at home I can lie out to even it out. Yeah, that’s the ticket!

Brian sat down across from me with his overflowing plate and we chatted for awhile. I really like him. But then I remembered who I was. I doubt Steph told him and he would probably be totally weirded out, so… I guess I need to rein in the hormones that seem to be working quite well on the boy front at the very least. Boys like to do stuff that I’m not ready for. So, yeah. Definitely need to cool it. “You wanna go out sometime?” Brian asked. Well, shit.

“Look Brian,” I began. “I think you’re a really great guy…”

“Oh jeez, I’m so stupid. Of course you have a boyfriend already. I mean, just look at you.” He said, causing me to blush.

Ooh, that’s a perfect out, but I don’t like to lie. Gaah! Well, he’s gonna find out soon enough, so here goes nothin’ - “No, it’s not that. It’s just that I’m um, trans.” I cringed, expecting some sort of backlash or disgust or something otherwise soul-wrenching.

“Well, yeah, I know that. I mean, I’d never have known if I didn’t overhear the girls. I still find it hard to believe, but I don’t see why that should keep you from dating? I mean, you’re really pretty and really smart and humble and funny and just really cool.” He enumerated.

Wow. Um. Ok. Now what? “That’s really nice of you to say,” I blushed, “but I really have to ask my mom. I’ve never dated before. I think I’m allowed, I mean, I just turned fifteen, but I don’t know. I’ve actually never even thought about it.” Well, that’s not totally true. I’ve daydreamed about boys and getting married and wearing a beautiful white dress and being a mom and all that stuff, but that’s all been just fantasy. Up to now, that is. I just realized how embarrassing it is to admit you’ve never thought of dating as a real possibility before. He didn’t seem to pick up on it, though.

“Okay.” He said. “That’s totally cool. If you think you’d like to go out sometime, hopefully with me, yeah, ask your mom. No pressure. You wanna exchange numbers and stuff? We can text or something.” He laughed. “I just realized that might be just a touch of pressure.”

I giggled. “No, that’s totally fine. You wanna enter your info in my phone? I have to ask about this too. I’m a total newbie when it comes to this stuff. I don’t even know if I’m allowed to text or friend a boy!”

So, that was weird. In a good way, though.

“Of course you can date,” Mom said after I got home and cornered her in the kitchen. “Girls always have to be very careful what kind of boy they’re going out with and you doubly so. I’m sorry to say, hon, but your situation calls for extreme caution in today’s world. It’s always been dangerous for trans girls, but lately…” She trailed off, grimacing. “But, you say this Brian already knows about you?”

I smiled. “Yeah, and he doesn’t seem to care, which is so cool!”

“He sounds like an unusual boy.” She offered.

“You think? Yeah, I guess. Since I don’t know how boys think, it’s hard to know, but I guess I can see them being funny about this sort of thing. My late father, Mr. Greenlee, seemed to think it’s a horrible thing. Abominable even.” I shuddered. I had taken to considering my former parents as dead to me. Yes, death is sad, but you eventually move on. Being that they almost succeeded in driving me to my own death, I can’t say I’m sorry to see them gone. Does that make me a bad person?

“Sweetie,” She said, giving my hand a little squeeze, “I don’t think you’re going to know how a boy is going to react unless you get to know him first, or a lovely happenstance like with Brian. He’s your friend’s brother and he likes you and he knows about you. You had a whole afternoon of interaction. I think all systems are go with this boy, but I’d still like you to have him over to meet me and your dad, okay? Just to, you know, give him our seal of approval.”

“I can’t wait. I always thought it was so funny, you know, like in movies? The father is always so menacing to the poor boy. I think I like just knowing that you guys care.” I paused, quickly running over my sordid past in my mind. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I’m going to be the rebellious sort, if that’s what you were hoping.” I gave her a little grin.

“Oh, don’t you worry about that. Candace has all the bases covered! We’re good on that front!”

“Hey, if you think Candace is a handful, you should try Verity on for size. She can be a bit…”

“Yes she can!” Mom giggled. “We’ve had Verity in our lives for nigh on ten years, so we’re well aware. Her bark is worse than her bite, though, and we love her to death. Sweetie, rebel all you want if you feel the need. It’s a parent’s job to put down the insurrection, or die trying!” She laughed.

I gave her a hug. “Thanks Mom.” Then I leaned back a little. “I just remembered that Brian would like to text and stuff. Would that be okay?”

“Sure, sweetie, but not after lights out, no sexting, and don’t let him or your phone become your life. Remember to be your own person. It can be too easy for a girl to lose herself in a relationship, okay?” She looked at me earnestly.

That sounded like sage advice. But, sexting? Seriously? I resumed our hug. “Okay. Thanks, Mom. Thanks for caring and… just, thanks.”

So I ran to my room and immediately texted Brian. Am I being too eager? It’s so exciting, though! A boy likes me! I did the speech to text thing and told him, “My mom says I can date and I can text and phone and all that! My parents want to meet you, though, before we go on a date. ‘Kay?” That’s the cool thing about texting, I’ve found; you can edit before you say something stupid. I noticed I didn’t even say anything about meeting him, so I went to the beginning of my message and added, “It was really nice meeting you today. I had a lot of fun.” Nope, delete that last part, it makes me sound like a little girl. Um, “I enjoyed our conversation.” Does that work? Gaah!

I went through about twelve permutations and finally sent my text some twenty minutes later. I really need more practice with this texting business. I went to put my phone down and I got a text alert. It’s Brian! “Cool! I enjoyed hanging out with you today, too. I’ll call tomorrow; maybe we can do something?”

“Okay, yes, I would like that.” I think that’s okay to say, right?

“Cool. TTYL.”

“G’night Brian.” I texted and fell back onto my bed. Omigod, that was terrifying! But exciting! I ran to Candace’s room. There was light seeping through below her door, so I rapped lightly. “Candace, it’s me.” I announced.

“Come in me.” She giggled.

I slipped through the door and flew over to her bed and plopped down. “Omigod, omigod, omigod!” I began, and thus commenced an hour-long gigglefest based primarily on boys.

I got my call from Brian while I was at The Center making sure everything was go for our grand opening Friday night. That’s the night management picked and I was cool with that. Every day is pretty much the same during summer. “Hey, Kayla. How’s your day going?” He opened.

“Hi Brian! Busy, but good. Did I tell you about the store I’m opening?”

“No, seriously? That’s amazing! What kinda store?” He asked.

“It’s clothing, for girls like me.” I said.

“Oh, do you need special clothes?” He asked and I giggled.

“No, silly, it’s just hard for trans girls starting out to have any girl clothes at all. It’s a safe space and we provide donated clothes at little to no cost. Trans girls often have a hard time getting a job, or they’re maybe too young to have a job and their parents often don’t even know about their true gender. It’s often a secret they feel has to be kept for one reason or another.”

“Gosh, I never knew. That’s terrible.” He commiserated.

“Yeah.” What more could I say?

“So, I was thinking maybe we could go see a movie sometime? Would that be cool?” He asked.

“I’d like that. Um, I’m free pretty much any time except Friday - that’s our grand opening.”

“Okay, how ‘bout Saturday afternoon?” He tried.

“Oh, duh, Saturday is cheer tryouts, I forgot about that. Shoot.”

“That’s okay. What time? Maybe I can come watch and we could do something after?”

Gosh, do I want him watching? I would be so nervous! “Yeah, I think I’d like that.” I shrugged to myself. I really wanted to see him, so…

So, we planned on Saturday and he would drive me and his sister and Candace to the school for tryouts. That’s so nice of him! Anyhow, it was inevitable that Friday would finally come and when it did I was loaded with nervous energy. Mom took off work early just for me! Candace and Verity were going to come, too. They are the best of BFFs. Thank god they were there to distract me, because I was practically bouncing off the walls.

At three, the three of us ran upstairs to check our looks. I decided to wear my little hip and butt padded panties just to give me a little bit more shape. A lot of girls my age are still lithe but for some reason I wanted to look especially girly. I had full makeup on with cute hoop earrings and I decided to wear a dress. Just a cute sundress that was especially feminine, along with pantyhose and three-inch strappy heels. I guess I wanted to show off for all the other girls like me, is that so wrong? I giggled to myself. At least I thought it was to myself.

“What are you so happy about, Boardroom Barbie?” Verity asked.

“I was just thinking about how I wanna knock some socks off, whaddya think?” I did a little twirl.

She rolled her eyes. “You are such a girl! Okay girly girl, yes, you look amazing. Happy?”

I just laughed and gave her a hug. Then we giggled our way down the stairs. Mom was in the kitchen. “You look beautiful, Kayla.” She said and gave me a hug. I blushed, then she continued. “So, do they have food there, or should we bring something to munch on?”

“I think there’s just a vending machine; maybe we should pack sandwiches? Course there’s restaurants all over the place down there. Maybe we can steal a few minutes and get Mickey D’s or something. Ooh, maybe tacos?”

“I like that idea,” Mom said. “I can just run out and get us all something, that way you all can stay for the doings whatever they may be. Is there going to actually be a ribbon cutting or a party or anything?” She asked.

“You know? I have absolutely no idea! I was just gonna show up. What kind of manager am I gonna be if I don’t even know what’s going on?”

Mom pulled me into a hug. “Don’t worry about it, sweetie. You’re new to all this, you’ll get the hang of it. You’ve done amazing things so far.”

“Thanks mom.” I squeezed her back.

When we got to The Center, it looked like they were setting up for something. I suppose Friday nights are a big deal with a lot of folks getting off work for the week and looking to go to their safe zone for being their true selves. I looked above the door to the store and there was my sign: Kayla’s Closet. I was so proud. We were early, so I pulled out my key and opened up the store.

Mom gasped. “Oh my! It’s absolutely adorable! I want to come down here and play myself!” She smiled. “You’ve done a spectacular job, Kayla. It looks so professional, and, wow, so girly!” She laughed. “Won’t the boys feel slighted?”

I tried to explain. “There really aren’t that many guys that come here for some reason. Plus, it’s quite a bit easier for them to find and throw on boy clothes and just blend into the world. It’s a man’s world, after all, right? They often pass better and they’re not quite as harassed as the girls are. I guess people think it’s better to be a boy or something. I know tomboys have it better than sissies. I’m here to tell you that firsthand. But, I really don’t know all the thinking that goes on in the cis world.” I rambled, somewhat incoherently. It’s all just so confusing!

“It’s terrifying for a boy, or a so-called boy, to shop for girl’s clothes, but, for masculine girls it’s a piece of cake, almost no stigma, know what I mean?” I tried.

“I think you’re right. Oh, Kayla, you haven’t had it easy have you?” Mom gave me a hug.

“Don’t make me cry, it’ll ruin my makeup!” I giggle-sniffed.

Someone had set up an actual shindig for the grand opening and there must have been fifty people here by five o’clock! There were even a few guys. They didn’t seem to have any problem going in and looking around the store. Sometimes you don’t know if someone is a regular cis-guy or gay or a cross-dresser in drab mode or a female to male trans guy. You just gotta treat people what they look like I think. Or, what they’re intending to look like. Whatever; I could get myself tied up in knots!

I manned (womaned?) the till for a couple hours when I was relieved by my assistant for the evening. We had several girls who had volunteered and we had a schedule all figured out. Going forward, the store would only open if there was someone to man the cash register and keep an eye out. I don’t think we have a plan for shoplifters, I mused. I’m assuming we just allow it. What else could we do? They must need it pretty bad if they’re willing to steal, at least that’s my thinking.

We didn’t really have strict pricing or anything, just a suggested donation amount. We all decided that was the best way to go. We just had to hope the clothing donations kept rolling in. So far, it seemed to be going pretty well. Tomorrow, I would ask the cheerleaders for their help again. Omigod, I have tryouts tomorrow, and Brian’s gonna be there! Okay, focus, girl. Breathe.

So, around six, Mom brought us three girls McDonald’s. She said it was easier to handle than Taco Bell. I suppose she’s right, I know how to make a proper mess when I have tacos. It’s a talent of mine. They’re so good though! We hung around until closing, which was at eight. It turned out that we got quite a few monetary donations. Very few left without paying anything, so all in all a good opening night, I think. So many were just so pleased to have a safe, welcoming place to acquire clothing for themselves without fear. The lockers actually had several girls that purchased locks to store their clothing on site. I know all about that fear and I would have taken the bus here every day if they had had such a store back in my bleaker days. I couldn’t help but be proud of the fact that we helped so many girls tonight. I so wished the center was open on weekends. I would have to ask what we would have to do to try to make that happen.

The sun was low in the sky as we drove back home. Mom and Candace and Verity all had a good time and they all said they learned so much while they were at The Center. It was enlightening for me, too. We all had a good cry at the wall of remembrance. So many girls killed just for expressing their true gender. Too many died by their own hand as well. I admit, I had nearly been at the end of my own rope a few times. I’m glad mom and the girls were able to come and learn about our community.

We were all quiet and sober and thoughtful. A lot to think about.

Omigosh, a whole new day tomorrow with cheer tryouts and a date! I don’t know what Brian and I will do, but I hope I’ll be doing it as a newly minted cheerleader!

To be continued…

 

Friending Jane Austen Chapters 18 - 20 By Tara Nicole Miller Copyright © 2024, 2025 Tara Nicole Miller All Rights Reserved. Word Count 4,500

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Image Credit: From Adobe Stock Photos - Three women in vintage attire with braided hair, posing for a selfie. By Irina Kozel
 

Chapter 18 - Cheers and Fears

So, the store opening was a success, but I had no time to rest on my laurels. Cheer tryouts are at ten this morning. Candace thought it might give me an edge to wear an actual cheerleading outfit, so she let me use hers from last year. It no longer fit her, but it was just about perfect on me! I got quite a thrill as I stood in front of the mirror, turning this way and that. Who woulda thought that less than three months ago I was living as a pseudo-boy! Hard to tell from the image in the mirror, I gotta say.

I’ve recently started getting itchy under my silicone breasts, so I’m thinking I need to remove them and do a thorough scrubbing tonight. But, for now, they need to help me fill out my new uniform. I don’t expect Brian to get handsy on our date, but I want to look good for him. He knows about me, so he has to know the boobs are fake, doesn’t he? I shrugged.

Candace insisted on helping me with my makeup, then she put a ribbon in my ponytail. It was another part of her cheer outfit in the school colors. I looked too cute! Verity sat on the bed just rolling her eyes and being snarky as usual. I wouldn’t know what to do if she was cloyingly complimentary. She keeps me grounded. I love that about her.

“Well, you certainly look the part, Cheery Barbie. How many brain cells did you have to remove to fit into that uniform?” She smirked.

“Hey!” Candace and I blurted, simultaneously. Then we giggled, ruining our display of righteous indignation.

At nine, I was well wound up. Needing to calm down, I escaped to the living room where I found my love waiting for me. The lovely Steinway Grand. I chose Beethoven today: Moonlight Sonata and Pathétique, the adagio parts. I’ve always found adagios to be particularly calming. Mom came in with her coffee and sat to listen, while the girls were off doing something less boring I suppose. Oh, they love when I play the piano, but they seem to like it better when I play pop songs. Then we all sing along and get silly.

Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata by Anastasia Huppmann
Beethoven's Pathetique by Anastasia Huppmann

I must have looked a sight, a pretty little cheerleader plinking away with her ponytail bouncing in rhythm. Whatever, mom seemed to like it.

“I could listen to you all day, sweetie. I’ll never understand how you can play so beautifully at such a young age.”

“Well, I had no life before, as you know. My little electric piano was my escape, my sanity. You know, the Greenlees would make me plug the headphones in? They never wanted to listen. My sperm donor thought it was too sissy and it just made him mad.” I lamented. “My egg donor wanted me to play hymns, which aren’t so bad, I guess, they just weren’t my thing.”

Mom giggled. “Sperm donor and egg donor, huh?”

“Yeah, that’s how I have to think of them. It’s hard. I suppose I could do like with Prince: The people formerly known as my parents!” I grinned. Thinking of them was becoming less frequent and less painful all the time. Thank god.

“Okay, hon, are you relaxed now? Ready to go?” Mom asked.

“Yeah, I just have to run and get my purse. Where are Candace and Verity do you suppose?” I asked.

“I’ll find them, you just do you. I think I hear some insanity emanating from the ER.” That’s the basement, as you know.

“That’s not insanity, that’s Sabrina Carpenter!” I squealed and ran down the basement stairs.

“Kayla!” Mom yelled after me.

After we finished singing Please, Please, Please, we all went up to get ourselves together.

~o~O~o~

I was fidgeting with my skirt as we pulled up to the school gym. Candace tried to reassure me. “Don’t worry girl, you’re gonna do great. You’ve got this!”

I gave her a weak smile. “I dunno. I seem to do okay when I play the piano in front of an audience, but dancing and doing flips and shaking my hips? I still haven’t really come to terms with my body and I’m afraid it may betray me under pressure.”

“I know it’s a bit late in the game, but how ‘bout you try some visualization, you know, like athletes do? You’re doing the cheer for Fight Song, right?” I nodded, staring into space. “Okay. Put your earbuds in and play the song, imagining your moves all the way through. Even if you’re not perfect, remember, big smile and hold your head up with confidence.”

“Confidence will take some major visualization,” I murmured.

Verity piped up, “Oh, for fuck’s sake, you’re cheering, not running the nuclear arsenal! It’s supposed to be fun, right? Not life or death.” Leave it to her to put things into perspective.

I grinned at her. “Thanks, V. I needed that. You’re right. It’s always fun in practice, even when I fall on my butt!” God, I hope I don’t fall on my butt!

I didn’t even watch the other girls as they went through their routines. I kept my earbuds in and my body swayed and twitched as I ran through my routine in my head. After a while, I got a nudge from Candace. “You’re up!” Oh shit.

I tried to relax so hard that I was afraid that I’d melt into a puddle of goo. I guess there’s a happy medium somewhere out there. I need to find it in a hurry. I kept my back straight and my head held high as I smiled and skipped my way to the floor. I took my position and Fight Song began. I’ve always found the song to be empowering and that empowerment flowed through me. As soon as I made my first move with the pom poms I was zoned out. Or, in the zone, whatever! It was so cool. I didn’t even have to think, and after two minutes (or was it the blink of an eye?) I was skipping off the floor to a cheering mob of estrogen. The whole squad was hugging me. Then all of a sudden I was lifted off the floor and spun around. Then I saw Brian’s cobalt blue eyes. What was happening?

“Kayla, you were amazing,” Brian gushed. He still held me a foot off the ground. This was all weirdly intimate. We haven’t even been out on our date yet. Ooh, we have a date today!

“Thanks Brian! Um…” I looked around, a little embarrassed for some reason.

“Oh, right, sorry.” He set me down gently and I kinda wanted him to pick me up again. I felt so tiny in his arms, so delicate, so feminine. It was a heady feeling. Well, more of a fluttery feeling in my solar plexus and regions beyond. God, my boobs are itchy!

“Okay girls! We’ll have the results later today. Everybody will get a text, or a phone call for those of you behind the times.” There were a few titters at that. I was so glad I joined the 21st century when I joined the Collins family, getting an iPhone and all the newest gadgets. I kinda feel like I’m part of the world now. The prevailing culture. It’s a wonderful feeling really, to feel one belongs. Well, mostly. I’ll always be on the outer fringes in some ways (I have no illusions about that!), torn in two, but at least I get a little whiff of the zeitgeist from time to time. Even so, I try to ignore the really odorous and odious bits as much as possible! But it’s those awful bits that will never allow me to feel as if I really belong. It’s quite a bitter pill to swallow, knowing that half the world hates you before you even step out the door.

Mom came wandering up to gather us all for the trip home. Sometimes it can be like herding cats! She gave me a hug. “You did great, sweetie.”

“Thanks, mom.”

The last of us wayward kitties made it into the car, where Verity shocked the heck out of me. “I have to admit, you did pretty good, Cheerio!” What, no snarkiness? I almost felt let down. “You should make the squad just for being so damn cute and perky!”

I gave her a hug and she rolled her eyes. “Thanks, V, that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.” I giggled.

“Yeah, well, don’t get used to it.” She smirked and gave me a little squeeze.

I had agreed to go miniature golfing with Brian, even though I’d never been before. The weather was nice, so I decided to wear a denim skirt with a pretty cami and a pair of strappy sandals. I didn’t figure heels would be the way to go, even though he’s so tall! My top didn’t show my fake cleavage, so I felt pretty safe. I figure he’s gotta know my boobs are fake, but I don’t need to put the image of a fake girl into his head.

Okay, so maybe miniature golf isn’t my thing. Brian had to show me how to hold the stick thingy and even then my first shot went maybe only ten feet, careening gently off the wall that was so thoughtfully provided. My next shot I figured I would have to hit harder and boy howdy did I! It shot off the wall then up the bank, taking flight and bounding happily across the parking lot to its freedom. I was so embarrassed!

But my ineptitude led to an interesting knock on effect. For the next several holes, Brian held me close and tried to teach me the nuances of this infuriating pastime. I could get to like miniature golf! I was a terrible student, because I kinda didn’t want to get any better as I was quite enjoying Brian’s tutelage. God, I’ve been hanging around Candace too long. Who in the world says ‘tutelage?’

At the tenth hole, I interrupted Brian’s tee shot, or whatever it’s called. I guess I’d been enjoying Brian’s company too much, so I decided to ruin it with my big mouth as per usual. “So, Brian, I’m kinda curious… why me? I mean, you can have any girl you want, so… I don’t get it. I’m kinda damaged, as you know…”

He paused, then sauntered over and grabbed my hand. We sat on the little wooden bench over to the side. “Kayla,” he said, looking deeply into my eyes, “we’re all damaged, you know? Even me,” he grinned, then got serious again. “Sure, you’ve gone through more than most, but, I have to think it’s made you a better person, because all I see is a beautiful, intelligent, and much too modest girl. Your compassion is off the charts. No other girl I’ve met can touch you. Can’t you see?”

I shook my head. “Sorry, I guess I have a blind spot when it comes to looking at myself. I mean, look at me, this is all just smoke and mirrors.” I waved my hands along my body.

“So, you’re a late bloomer. My sister padded, too. Don’t tell her I said that! Look, that’s just the outer shell. But, you forget, I’ve been stalking you for two months. I thought you were amazing without the, erm, padding. If we’re talking just the physical, it’s the eyes, the face, the delicacy framed by your beautiful hair.” He reached up and stroked a lock of my hair, causing me to get the shivers. “I don’t know, it’s the way you hold yourself, the way you move in the world.” He was holding my hand and stroking the soft skin and my smooth shiny nails.

“Are you sure you’re fifteen?” I asked sincerely.

He laughed. “Yeah. ‘Fraid so. My mom says I’m an old soul. I think it might be because I have an older sister. It made me think differently, more deeply, about the meaning of a woman. I have a sort of reverence, I guess you’d say. Plus I read a lot. I haven’t always been this big football jock, you know. I used to be quite the nerd. I still am, I suppose.”

I laughed, “Oh my god, that is so hard to imagine! So, two nerds together?”

“Two nerds together. Come on.” He grabbed my hand and we continued with the tenth hole.

I suppose when you’re just fifteen you think that every guy is ‘the one.’ You haven’t built up that protective thick, cynical outer coating yet. So there I was, crushing and mushing and gushing - all the ushes. You suppose Usher has something to do with it? Oh, shush! Giggle. Yeah, the first guy I’ve ever gone out with and I was already planning our wedding. What a ditz! We haven’t even kissed yet. Yeah, I have to admit I’m looking forward to that, my First Kiss.

Then I got to wondering why he hasn’t kissed me yet. Even with all his beautiful words, maybe he’s having a hard time getting past my, erm, past? Maybe I’m not as pretty as everyone says. But hey, you don’t have to be pretty to get a kiss, do you? Gaah! I was tying myself up in knots. Why can’t I just enjoy myself? Why do I have to overthink things all the time? Par for the course? Ooh, a sports pun!

After the golfing, we got a hot dog, then headed into the arcade. The best one, because we got to do it together, was Fast and Furious. I sucked, but it was so much fun! I hope I’m a better driver in real life than in the game. I kinda gravitated to the retro games that were available, while Brian liked the shoot em ups. I got mad at him when he played Big Buck Hunter, but he assured me he was not into hunting in real life. “Hey, if you want to experience hunting, isn’t this the best way to do it?” He said. I couldn’t argue with him, there.

It was getting close to dinner time, so he texted Stephanie to come pick us up. As soon as Brian and I settled into the back seat, Stephanie piped up all excited. “So, did you get your text, Kayla?”

“Um, what text?”

“Oh my god! Cheerleading, you silly girl!” She squealed.

“Oh! Omigosh, I had my phone turned off. I totally forgot. Did I make it?”

“Did you make it? Hah! We all agreed you were the best one! By far!” Stephanie said.

“No way!” I squealed.

“Way!”

Brian gave me a hug and a peck on the cheek, causing me to blush. “Congratulations, Kayla. I told you you were a shoo-in.”

“Yes, you did,” I grinned while snuggling into him. He put his arm around me. Omigod! I was quiet and lost in thought for a few moments. Brian hugged me, and kissed my cheek! And I’m gonna be a real, honest to goodness cheerleader! I closed my eyes and continued to grin to myself. Am I really the girl that sat in wait, hoping to meet absolutely anyone, that day on the street? The androgynous weirdo with the tea service, reading Emma and listening to John Barry on a pathetic old 16 gig iPod? I sighed contentedly. Life is weird, and wonderful!

Brian led me to my front door. Such a gentleman! “I had a lot of fun today, Kayla.” He said sotto voce, while looking into my eyes.

“Me too,” I agreed, my eyes fluttering of their own accord.

“I’m really hoping you want to see me again.”

Are you kidding me? Do I! “I’d really like that,” I whispered.

“May I kiss you?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.

I just nodded and lifted my face to him. He kissed me ever so gently for just a few seconds. I tingled all over. Then he gave me a smile, just as gentle. “I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time.”

I smiled back, then gave him a hug, my face cuddling into his chest. He smelled so good. I decided to let him go, much as I didn’t want to. “Call me?” I asked, hopefully. Was that too forward?

“Of course,” He said and gave me another quick peck. On his way back to the car he did a little twirl. “I’m dating a cheerleader!” He announced and I had to giggle. What a goofball!

After I let myself in, I leaned against the door and touched my lips, which curled into an involuntary smile. I giggled. My first kiss! Omigod, where’s Candace? I skipped into the kitchen and there was mom preparing dinner. I can’t believe a lawyer can find time to cook, but she’s great at it. “Hi mom!” I sang.

“Hi sweetie. Did you have fun?” She asked as I twirled, ending leant up against the counter with what must have been the dreamiest of gazes.

“Uh huh.” I murmured, then my eyes cleared. “Oh, where’s Candace?”

“She’s over at Verity’s. If you go over, would you tell her dinner will be ready in half an hour?”

I was already half-way out the door. “‘Kay mom!”

I was running over to Verity’s house when a neighbor boy decided to spout off. “You run like a girl!” He blurted with a chortle.

I did a little pirouette, “Yeah, I know!” Then I transitioned into a little skip, hop, and jump up to V’s front door.

I knocked, then cracked open the door. “Anyone home?” I called.

“Up here!” CV called in stereo.

I dashed up the stairs and fairly fell into Verity’s room. Out of breath, I grinned broadly, “Hey Curriculum; Hey Vitae!”

Candace and Verity both rolled their eyes. “That never gets old,” Verity said flatly. “So, to what do we owe this distinct honor?” She asked.

“She’s a newly minted cheerleader whose been on a date!” Candace blurted. “Come, tell us,” she invited, patting the bed beside her.

I bounced onto the bed. “Oh, mom says dinner in thirty.”

“Oh, thank god, I don’t think I could bear hearing Kayla’s sickly sweet details for any longer than that.” Verity snarked.

I just rolled my eyes and fell back on the bed. Candace began the pumping, “so, did he kiss you?” And we were off.

We were late getting to dinner. Even Verity had asked a few questions. I didn’t know she cared! So, Candace and I pranced into the kitchen and plopped into our seats.

“You girls need to wash your hands.” Mom reminded us. I giggled. Back to Earth, I guess.

I repeated the details to my wondrous day, but it was slightly edited since dad was with us for dinner. “Why haven’t I met this boy?” Dad asked.

Mom answered for me. “Don’t worry hon, I’ve fully vetted him. He’s quite a nice boy. You’ve met Stephanie, his sister.”

“Have I?” He asked, raising an eyebrow while he stabbed a piece of pot roast. Speaking of which, mom and dad insisted that I at least try a bite with horseradish sauce. I was skeptical, but oh my god! It was so delicious! It was giving the Amish noodles smothered with gravy a run for its money. I was considering my cheerleader status when filling my plate, but it’s so hard to eat like a rabbit when mom’s such a great cook!

“Mom? Can you teach me how to cook? I mean, I’ve cooked a little in the past, but it wasn’t as much fun because I was always scared of you know who coming in and going off on me.” My sperm donor thought it was too sissy. It’s women’s work. What a misogynistic jerk! He’ll love that Facebook now allows free rein to those who want to refer to women as chattel and trans people as ‘it,’ as non-humans. Not that he would even know how to turn on a computer, he’s such a caveman. I hate that I harbor such resentment; it makes me feel icky. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to forgive those people?

Mom spoke and got me out of my death spiral. “Sure sweetie. Maybe Candace would like to join in?” She looked over at Candace, who rolled her eyes.

“Mom, that’s what restaurants are for!” She blurted with a mouthful of noodles.

“You know,” I cut in, “you make so many great things, I was thinking of typing up all your recipes and making a book out of them. Whaddya think?”

“I think that’s a wonderful idea, Kayla, but how would you find the time? School’s starting and you have cheer practice and your store, and…” mom paused, “there is one other thing you might like to do.”

My eyebrow raised as I glanced up from my noodles. “Really? What’s that?” I wondered.

“I’ve been talking to my friend Marilyn, Candace’s old piano teacher.” Mom said.

“Candace knows how to play piano?” I glanced over at her, eyes wide.

She shook her head. “I only did two years. I can barely do the scales.” She glanced at mom. “Kayla’s like a professional already. What more can she learn?”

“Well, Marilyn plays for the CSO now. I don’t know if that’s just an occasional thing or what, but she’s top notch. She’s even got a CD out; in fact, she’s sending me one. Anyway, I bet she can help Kayla to the next level; what do you think, sweetie?” Mom queried, looking at me intently.

“Um, gosh!” I was at a bit of a loss. “Um, I dunno, I kinda just play for fun. I never had a teacher before, you know I just did Youtube tutorials and stuff and went from there. I actually suck at reading music.”

“You play all those beautiful pieces without sheet music? How in the world?” Mom asked.

“I’m not sure. Once I learned what keys made which sounds and the chords and stuff, I was able to listen to a piece and just play it.” They all looked at me funny. “What?”

“You know that’s not normal, right?” Candace enquired.

“I guess. But, there’s not really much normal about me, is there?” I grinned.

Mom shook her head. “I guess not!” Then she smiled. “So, what do you think? You could just meet her, no pressure, then you both can decide if it’s what you want to do.”

Gosh, could I really afford to add another item to my burgeoning agenda? I might go mental, if I’m not there already. School’s already going to be terrifying, finally presenting as a girl and making the academic and social leap from junior high. And then there’s cheerleading and the store. Well, the store’s no big deal; I can do homework on the bus and in the downtimes, which will be plentiful, I’m sure. Ooh, and Brian! I’m not giving up Brian, no way no how!

“I guess I’ll have to run all the numbers on my spreadsheet. I’m kinda scared I’m taking on too much as it is. It’s kinda cool having so much to do, but it’s all still really new to me.” I murmured. “Where does she live, anyway? I’d have to get there somehow.” I guess I was already looking for an out.

Mom smiled. “She still lives just five minutes away, same as always; you can actually walk there.” Okay, there went that idea, although, maybe I should be looking for reasons to do it, ways to make it work, instead of bailing. I don’t want to regress and become the pathetic hermit I used to be. I suppose learning how to read sheet music and maybe some theory would be kinda cool.

“Okay,” I acceded. “So, should I call her, or what?” I asked, spearing some string beans.

“Sure, I’ll get you her number and you busy ladies can sort out your schedules.” Mom offered.

I really need to check my spreadsheet, cause I’m starting to get a little tension in my tummy. As I was thinking about what a full day it’s been, and all the little triumphs I had, mom threw another one at me. “We need to go back-to-school shopping tomorrow. You girls don’t really need clothes, but you need supplies.”

I stopped my head spinning for a moment and said, “I would like to get a new backpack. A girly one. My old one is kinda… masculine.” I shuddered.

“Oh god, not pink!” Candace blurted.

“What’s wrong with pink?” I feined innocence. “Just kidding, I’m not ten; although…” I made like I was actually thinking about it. I never got any pink stuff back in the day. But, I sure don’t want to be teased for my clothing and accessories. I’m sure I’ll get enough flak for just showing up as a girl!

“Okay then, let’s all get a list going and we can compare notes later. Shall we meet in the living room at say, nine o’clock? Lists and lemonade?” She grinned, ever the together lawyer lady, and me with alliterations littering all about my feet. God, I’m weird. I blame Candace and her affinity for language. I’ve been corrupted!

Just before bed I began removing my silicone breast forms. I can’t wait to deal with all that itchiness! I guess I should probably leave them off for a couple days and let my skin breathe. Once I got them off I just massaged my…breasts? They’d gotten a little puffy and, ooh! my nipples hurt! I rubbed the nipples a bit and I noticed a little knot-like growth or something under each one. Great, I’ve gone and given myself cancer!

I threw my robe on and ran to get mom. As soon as I got to her in the living room I started crying. “Mom, something’s wrong with my chest! I think my breast forms have given me cancer or something. There’s growths and it hurts!”

“C’mere sweetie, let me see. I doubt it’s cancer.” She soothed.

I opened my robe and she gasped. “My word, what have we here?” She felt all around my breasts. “Hmmm. Sweetie, you’re budding!” She smiled, looking into my eyes. “I wouldn’t have thought that androgen blockers would have this effect, but I’m seeing it with my own eyes. I don’t really know much about it, I’m afraid. Maybe your natural estrogen is kicking in?” Omg, I felt so guilty. I’ve been taking Verity’s birth control pills for nearly three months and I never told mom. I was afraid she’d make me stop. I was really torn about whether I should tell her or not. She said, “I guess we should make an appointment to see Dr. Farnham. It has been a couple months.” Jeez, what do I do? I could get in big trouble. I won’t say the pills are from Verity; no reason I should take her down with me.

Okay, so now I’ve got a doctor appointment to worry about in the near future, as if I didn’t have enough staring me in the face. But, I ended up doing my spreadsheet on Sunday and breathed a sigh of relief. It turns out I was way more nervous than was necessary. Only half my waking hours would be used if I did absolutely everything I wanted to. I could still totally chill with my girlies! In fact, I had way more down time than I was expecting as we rolled through the week. I was even able to read a couple of trans fiction stories that I had been neglecting. I love them! Then the weekend before the start of school came sneaking up behind me. My potential doom loomed on the horizon and was getting ever closer. What will school be like as a girl? I know it’s gotta be way better and the bullying can’t really get any worse, can it? I’m glad I have acrylic nails or I might start biting them!

To be continued…