CHAPTER 1: THE PACKAGE

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“Did you get your new prescription yet?” Cathy asked. Not that it was a real prescription; they wouldn’t give me an official prescription yet. Next year I’d go visit the doctor. It wasn’t till I was 16 that they would start with official hormone treatments. But for now I had to stop the damage that was being done by my birth defect.

“Not yet, Sis. I’m getting pretty anxious about it. I’ve got just enough left to last me through today. It’s been three weeks since I ordered the stuff. It should’ve been here already.”

“It’ll be here Sis. Even if it takes another couple of days, the worst that will happen are mood swings. It’s not like you’ll grow up to be a man overnight.” I cringed as she used the word man while referring to me.

My sister had been my support for a couple of years now. When first I found out she was a shifter, I saw all my dreams and hopes become a reality. Only to have them crushed again near instantaneously. The gift to shift, to become whatever creature one could think of (as long as the mass difference wasn’t too big), the thing that would be my salvation, that would finally make me a real girl. That gift only came to the girls in the family.

One good thing had come from it though. I’d told my sister my darkest secret. In hindsight it was only fair, she shared her secret with me as well, one that was potentially much more harmful to her and that even dad didn’t know, but at the time I never thought about that. All I thought of was the solution to my problems.

After the initial shock of my revelation she became really sad. “I’m sorry, William,” she had said, “but I’m afraid that won’t work. You see, this gift only runs on the girl’s side of the family. It’s got to do with genes and stuff. Mom explained it to me before she died. She was a shifter too.”

I had burst into tears and Cathy had held me. Speaking soft words of encouragement to me, promising she’d help me in whatever way she could, she held me until we finally fell asleep in each others arms.

Cathy had held true to her promise. She’d gotten me my first clothes, taught me how to use makeup and together we picked out my new name, Willow. She’d helped me research what could be done and we found out about hormones. We also found out that doctors wouldn’t help with hormones until I was at least 16.

I couldn’t wait till I was 16. My dad was huge; every man in the family was huge. There was no way I was going to allow testosterone to do that to my body. I was still small and lithe, and I was going to stay that way. So after a lot of convincing (ok, I admit, whining), Cathy helped me research a proper hormone regimen and eventually helped me find a trustworthy site online that sold them.

I’d become a paperboy (ack, how I hate that term), and started earning some money to pay for it all, and my sis had been kind enough to put in a share of her own as well. When I got the first pills I was euphoric. I swear I could feel my body change even as I swallowed the first pill, but of course that was just my wishful thinking. Nothing changed, except I felt more at peace with myself, knowing I’d never become as bulky and large as the men in our family.

That was two years ago, and we’d managed to keep it a secret so far. Cathy had tried to bring up the subject a couple of times with dad, but his reactions to it were so severe she never even dared to mention my name in relation to the subject. He would not take it well that was for sure.

Both Cathy and I were startled as we heard the front door open. Taking a quick look at the clock told me dad shouldn’t be home yet for another couple of hours. His bellowing voice proved me wrong though. “William!!!! Get down here, NOW!”

I looked at Cathy, with a fearful look silently asking if she had a clue what this was about. She shook her head softly, seeming just as frightened by the seemingly irrational anger that was in our fathers’ voice. I walked down the stairs, feeling like I was walking towards my doom. Did he find out about me?

The moment I stepped into the living room I was rewarded with a painful slap in my face. My dad was standing in front of me, his face red with anger. He all but shouted in my face, “How long have you been doing drugs?”

Drugs? What was he talking about? I never did drugs… “I never did drugs,” I spoke out loud, wondering what he was talking about.

“Never did drugs huh? Then pray tell me what this is!” In his hands he held the package I’d been waiting on for weeks. “Online pharmacy it says. Sure sounds like drugs to me!”

Before I could think about it I exclaimed, “Those aren’t drugs, they’re hormones!” I clasped my hand over my mouth the moment I said it, realizing I’d made things worse instead of better with that statement.

Dad’s face softened for a moment until realization dawned on him of what I’d just said. Then he became even angrier if possible, and he hit me again. This was not just a slap though, more like a punch. I barely managed to stay upright as he shouted at me, “No son of mine is going to be a sissy!” He continued to shout at me but I’d made up my mind.

I snagged the package from his hand and set out running. Dad obviously hadn’t expected that as he stood there rooted to the ground for a few precious seconds, giving me a small head start.

”ƒ

CHAPTER 2: THE ESCAPE

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I slammed the door behind me, hoping it would stall him at least a second longer, increasing my chances to get away. Way too soon I heard the door open again and that bellowing voice of his shouting out, “Come back here!!”

I had no intention at all of doing so and ran on across the street, still clutching the package tightly to my chest. Taking a chance by looking behind me I saw him gaining some ground on me. I had to act fast if I was to stay out of his grasp. What did I have on him? He’s a lot bigger than me and a lot faster as well. Maybe I can use his size against him.

I turned left into the main street. Our village wasn’t very big, and the main street had all the shops, cafés and other public places. Yes! As I had suspected it was pretty busy here, and with my small size I should be able to duck through obstacles and in between people where he would be hindered by them.

“William!!!!!” I heard behind me, but I didn’t look back this time. I didn’t know what would happen if he caught me, but I knew for sure that it wouldn’t be good, and that my dreams of becoming a girl, or as close as possible at least, would be shot.

I slipped through between an older couple, dodged a shopping cart and jumped over a kid that was playing marbles. I didn’t look back as I kept dodging and fleeing, but the commotion I heard was enough of an indication that my ploy was succeeding. As the sounds of the commotion seemed further and further behind me I took another a left turn. Then another left and I was actually running back towards home, hoping he’d never suspect that.

I passed home and kept on running, desperation giving me wings. I ran until I could run no more. By the time I sagged down to the ground I was well out of the village and into the forest. I sat dead still behind a large tree, trying to control the gasping for air from giving me away. I listened for what seemed like hours, but nothing happened.

I finally managed to relax some. My most immediate concern had been dealt with. But a much bigger problem had just come to mind. What now?
Where would I stay? How would I live? I had close to no friends besides my sister. The boys at school didn’t interest me one bit, and the girls would never accept me as one of their own while I was William.

I wouldn’t be able to go back to school I realized. Or any place that dad could expect me to be at any time. That meant I was out of a job as well. I checked my pocket. Thank god my wallet was there. That was one of the few perks I knew of being a guy. I always had all my stuff on me, stuffed inside my pockets. Well, always when I was William, which unfortunately, was always except some of those sacred times at home.

I don’t know how long I sat there wondering what to do now, when a big dog disturbed my thoughts by licking my face. I looked up startled into the dogs eyes which seemed all too familiar.

“Sis?” I asked cautiously. A sharp nod indicated my guess was right. I wrapped my arms around her and cuddled the stuffing out of her. She looked around a couple of times to make sure of our privacy, before shifting to human form.

“I’ll keep it short sis, its way too cold to be out here naked. Wait here for another hour or so, and I’ll be back. I never wanted to worry you about it, but I made some emergency plans for you in case things ever got out of hand, which they obviously did. Just stay right here and keep out of sight.”

She shivered with cold before shifting back to her dog form and running off back towards town. Did I mention yet that I love my sister? Well, I do. She always seems to have a plan ready. I sat back down against the tree. Now that some of my worries were lifted for a moment I actually started to notice my surrounding.

What I noticed most though, was that my sister was right. It was cold. Not just for being naked, even dressed it was cold. I hadn’t had time to grab my jacket as I fled and I was regretting that now. Then again, if I had grabbed it the delay may have gotten me caught. No, it was better to be cold for sure.

By the time my sister returned, this time dressed and in human form, I had all but memorized the surroundings. What were only sixty minutes had seemed like an eternity as the seconds refused to turn into minutes. I’d studied every tree, every rock, every branch and almost even every leaf as I had waited, but eventually she had come.

“Here sis, put this on,” she said as she threw me my jacket. “While dad chased you I removed all the girls’ stuff from your room and stashed it somewhere safe. As I said, I was sort of preparing for something like this to happen, though I wish it wouldn’t have happened till next year, when I’ll live on my own and could take you in myself.”

“Anyway, there’s no use in crying over spilled milk. I’ve got your stuff safely stashed away and will bring it to you once we get you some shelter. Here’s a change of clothes at least, I thought you might prefer this now you no longer had to worry about dad finding out.”

She threw me a backpack and as I peeked inside I found my favorite set of clothes, black girly jeans, and a matching black shirt with a pink ‘evil bunny’ on the front. My black denim unisex jacket finished the bad girl look. Cathy had been more than a bit amused when she found out about my goth streak, and had teased me mercilessly about it. In the end she had to admit though, that I did look good in it.

My hair was kept just long enough and just ambiguous enough to still be considered a boy’s style when combed back, but the hormones had already started to soften my face a bit, and it took very little imagination to see a girl instead of a boy in the mirror. I still looked young enough to get away with it most of the time, but from now on, I wouldn’t have to.

I quickly changed into my proper clothes. When I was done my sister started to lay out the next part of her plan. “There is an abandoned mansion a little further down the road into the woods. Its previous owner died and the heir hasn’t bothered to come check it out yet it seems. I’ve scouted the place and it seems that even the electricity is still on. It won’t do as a permanent residence, but it’ll be shelter for a little while.”

I looked in wonder at my sister. She had it all figured out. “I love you sis. I really don’t know where I’d be without you.” Hand in hand we strolled towards what was to be my new home.

---

So these are the first two chapter of my new story. I will try to post two chapters every other day, at least until the main story is done. After that we'll see what happens.

Editing was graciously done by Pippa, just for the record though, all errors that are left are totally my responsibility ;)

Love,
Amber

CHAPTER 3: A NEW HOME

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As we walked up to the mansion my jaw dropped. I looked at my sister with big question marks in my eyes, and she laughed out loud as she said, “Yep, Sis. This is the real deal. This is where you are going to live for at least a little while. Now, follow me. I used my shifting powers to get inside and I actually found the keys to one of the side doors.”

My jaw was still hanging somewhere near the floor when we reached the door in question. This place was positively huge! There was a huge garden to both sides of the driveway, which was badly in need of maintenance, but still had the most beautiful flowers growing in between. Statues of marble were scattered throughout, and though overgrown with plants, still managed to convey the wealth this place had once known.

As Cathy opened the door she spoke to me again, “Sis, I know it’s tempting to use the enormous beds and all the facilities that this place offers, but I’d advise against it. Inside it looks pretty well kept, so there must be someone who does stuff around the house waiting for the owner to show up. Now I’ve never seen this person yet, but it’s just too clean and well kept. So best be safe and keep lights in the evening to a minimum, stay out of the main rooms as much as possible, and try not to leave any traces.”

“Well, that sounds pretty boring.” I waited for my sister to react, and stopped her. “I’m just kidding Sis, don’t worry about me. I’ve been hiding the real me for so long now, I think I can hide for a while longer. I will do some exploring though, but don’t worry. I know when to keep my head down.”

“I know, Willow. I just worry. At home I could somewhat protect you, but here you are mostly on your own. I will visit you as often as I can. You’ll need food, and I do want you to keep up with your schoolwork.” She laughed at the face I made. “I know, Sis, but if you want to survive you will have to learn.

You’ll need it for whatever job you want to do later in life. “

It felt good thinking about the future in that way. The fact that I still had a future was great, not just the mask that was William, but me, the real me, Willow. Even without my dad, I would persevere. I’d need my sisters’ help of course, I couldn’t do it all alone, but as long as she was by my side I knew things would turn out right in the end.

We spent another 30 minutes or so discussing how we’d handle school work. Our master plan was to wait a year. In one year Cathy would be legally an adult and she could move out on her own. At that point I would move in with her, she’d apply for guardianship and make it all legal. I’d be able to go to a normal school again by then. We’d probably move to a different town to increase the distance between us and dad.

Cathy didn’t have as big a problem with staying with dad as I thought she’d have. “Dad never did anything to me sis, and he won’t. As hard-handed as he was with you, he’d never be with me. He’d never hit a girl, it’s against his moral code.”

At this the floodgates opened as I started crying. “Oh god, Sis, that was not what I meant. It’s just what he perceives. I know you are a girl, it’s just a birth defect. But dad doesn’t see that. He doesn’t understand. He just knows the way boys in his family were raised, which was with the back of a hand. He thinks he’s doing right by you. We both know he’s not, but he really believes that. That is what makes him so dangerous to you.”

I nodded, still sobbing. I could see the truth in her words. Dad had claimed more than once that he was being too soft on me, how he was raised getting regular beatings for misbehaving, and how good a citizen he’d grown up to be. How it only was his promise to our mother that kept his hand at bay. How I resented him for using mom like that.

Cathy promised to bring me food each day before she left for home, and I promised to keep out of sight again. It was almost getting dark and Cathy hurried home to prevent Father's anger. He might go easier on her, but dad being angry was never a good thing.

I decided to wander the mansion a bit to find a suitable place to sleep. I skipped the main hall and rooms there as they were obviously unsuited to hide in. I went straight upstairs and started exploring there. I started with the master bedroom. Even though I knew I could never hide in the most obvious bedroom available, I was still very curious.

A giant bed adorned the center of the room. Silk sheets and fluffy pillows, the most gorgeous woodwork, big closets covering both walls, and a view that was simply breathtaking, even with the gardens as unkempt as they were. I couldn’t resist and jumped on the bed, literally sinking away in the soft blankets and pillows. Lingering for a few moments enjoying the luxury, I reminded myself of needing a place to sleep.

I forced myself out of the bed, and straightened the sheets again so no one would notice my presence. The next two rooms I visited were also grand, though nowhere nearly as luxurious as the first one. But the room I tried after that was completely different for two big reasons. First of all, this room had obviously not been visited for a long time. I was obviously not kept up by whoever did the other rooms and therefore was perfect in and of itself. It was not the reason I fell in love with it though.

It was a girl's room. It was most obviously a little girl's room, maybe meant for a girl of ten or eleven. Now I was way older then that at fifteen years, but I never had the chance to really be that little girl. It was a guilty pleasure become real. White faced porcelain dolls sat on the shelves, a gigantic doll house stood in one corner, the bed was made with pink satin. It was so sweet it made my teeth ache. In other words, it was perfect.

As I opened a door to what I thought would be another closet I found out the room had its own bathroom. The bath wasn’t that big, but then again, neither was I. I tested to see if Cathy had been right, that everything in the house was still working. Even though she said it was, I was still surprised to find the water warming up after a few seconds.

I hung my jacket on a hook, and left my clothes loosely folded on a chair before dipping into the bath. After a few moments of enjoying the unknown luxury (we only had a shower at home), I looked around for shampoo. The bottle looked pretty old, but it smelled and felt all right. I also found some bath oils which of course promptly went into the bath. A sweet scent and lovely bubbles covered the water, and I could almost forget I wasn’t born a girl.

The oil covered my skin and made it feel even softer then it was. I could stay in there forever, but as I yawned I realized I’d better get out and get to bed. After rubbing myself dry with one of the softest towels I’d ever laid my hands on, I slipped in between the satin sheets and let the kingdom of dreams claim me as its own.

CHAPTER 4: BUMP IN THE NIGHT

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Sunlight warmed my face. It was a warm, gentle wakeup call. I turned around in the soft blankets and wished I didn’t have to get up. Then I had another awakening, this one a bit more rude. Soft blankets? Sunlight? There was no morning sun in my room. I didn’t have a bed as soft and comfy as this. Where was I?

Memories of the day before resurfaced, as did the emotions in rapid succession. Surprise at dad being home, fear at his discovery, desperation whilst fleeing, relief in the forest, then desperation again about the future. Calm when my sister found me, amazement at the house. It had truly been an emotional rollercoaster yesterday.

As I thought over the events of the day before I sagged back in the softness of my bed. And it was my bed, at least for the foreseeable future. My sister wouldn’t show up till later today so I had the day to myself. She’d promised to bring me schoolwork and such. After my initial reluctance I actually started looking forward to learning. Sure, this mansion was a great place to explore, but how long would that keep me busy? Days? A week, maybe two at best?

No, it’d be better to keep myself busy learning new stuff. I never was one to go out into the sun and spend large amounts of time sunning. My near white skin was enough proof of that. And besides, winter was coming, and it was already getting noticeably colder outside. I uttered an involuntary giggle as I thought back to my sister, naked in the woods yesterday, and for once was thankful I didn’t share her gift. Shifting inside of the house meant you’d have to leave the house as that animal. And enter it again to reclaim your clothes. This was alright if you were alone, but if anyone saw you enter the house or leave it, that could bring big problems.

After a while I got restless, though and opted to explore a bit. I got out of bed, and into my goth gear. As odd as it was, the pink on my shirt matched to pink in the room to a tee. They were from completely different styles, yet exactly the same color. I used the dressing table to put on some black eyeliner and matching lipstick to complete the look. My raven black hair framed my face and I looked a fright. Maybe it wasn’t what one would call a respectable look, but it suited me, and I made it look good. So there!

After checking the other bedrooms I started wondering. If my bedroom had its own bathroom, with everything that could be needed in it, then the master bedroom would have to have one as well, probably way more luxurious then the one in my room. Curious to see how it could be any grander, I set out for the master bedroom again.

As I entered the room the first thing I noticed was the bed. The sheets were all ruffled and crumpled as if I had just used it. I straightened out the sheets last night didn’t I? I was pretty sure I had, but obviously I hadn’t. And yet, weren’t those curtains closed last night? I was pretty tired, I must just be remembering things wrongly. Shrugging it off as just that I continued my quest for the bathroom.

And what a bathroom it was. It could easily fit 4 grownups at the same time. It had those little holes in it you see in swimming pools where the bubbles come from. Maybe one day in the future I’d try it out, once I got settled a bit more and knew when to expect the cleaner to come by. Or more importantly, how to evade him.

Shortly after school would’ve closed I heard a noise downstairs. Expecting my sister, but not really sure it was really her, I snuck downstairs. I peeked around the corner to find out that it was indeed my sister. I dropped my stealth and stepped into the room, greeting Cathy. She just about jumped through the roof as she heard me.

“Dammit, Willow, don’t sneak up on me like that!”

“I’m sorry Sis, but I had to sneak at least part of the way. I wasn’t sure if it were you or that cleaner person.”
She handed me my schoolbooks, and shoved a suitcase in my direction. “Here are your books, some food for a day or two, and the rest of your clothes. I got one of your classmates to write down what was done today, so I suggest you get working on it, pronto. The more you keep up, the less you need to catch up on. Now, I’m sorry but I need to run. Dad was already a bit suspicious with me being gone so long. He hardly mentioned you, by the way. I don’t think his behavior is quite healthy, even for him. But as I said, I need to run now. Ta-ta!”

With that waterfall of words she stormed out of the door again and left me to my own devices. I’d intended to show her around, especially my room, but that would have to wait. I could more than understand her not wanting to get in trouble with dad.

I made myself some food, and like a good girl should, I started on my homework. I explored a little more after I was done. Each room was as grand as could be in my mind’s eye. I didn’t stay up late, actually longing to rest within the soft confines of that little girl's bed. I did indulge in another bath, though, with those nice scented oils that felt so good on my skin.

I quickly settled into a rhythm. Each day would start out with a little bit of exploring. Then my schoolwork would follow. I found it a lot more challenging to do on my own than with a teacher spelling it out for me. A lot more challenging, and a lot more interesting as a result. After school each day, my sister would stop by, sometimes for only a few minutes, sometimes for longer periods.

I got to show her my room, which she thought hilarious. When I explained the reason I liked it she got quiet though, and understood why I wanted to stay there.

But each day I noticed some little things. It had started with the sheets, and maybe the curtains in the master bedroom. But there were other things. Doors that I was sure were closed were suddenly open, and vice versa. Something that I could have sworn was on the left side of a desk was now on the right side. Things just didn’t add up. Someone had been here, but I’d been here the entire time and I hadn’t noticed a thing.

Until after a week or so I found a note in flowery handwriting. Now, I was sure that note hadn’t been there before. With a slightly trembling hand I picked up the note. I had to steady my hand to keep it still enough to read.

- editing by Pippa =^_^=

Chapter 5: Like night and day

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-- since some couldnt read the note, i've changed it from script font to just italic. Just imagine it was handwritten.

Dearest stranger,

I know you have been around my house for a while now. I’ve noticed things that have been misplaced, little things that have changed. At first I thought I was going crazy, and maybe I have. But I don’t think so. I think you are real and that maybe you are thinking the same thing about me. Please meet with me tonight in the main hall, just after the sun has set.

Yours sincerely,
Joanne

I sat down on a nearby couch, the note still in my hand. It said ‘my house,’ so this must be the owner then. The owner had been around the entire time I was here, and yet I hadn’t seen a thing beside the occasional mismatch with my memory. What was going on here?

Should I tell Cathy? Hmm, I’d risk that she would pull me out before I even got a chance to talk to her, to the owner. She sounded nice enough in the note. But what did it all mean? I was going to find out tonight, I was sure of it. This Joanne person didn’t sound like she wanted me gone, did she? I’d at least want to have a chance to speak with her. And if I told Cathy I probably wouldn’t get that chance.

I hated deceiving my sister -- she always had my best interest at heart. But, I wasn’t sure if my perceived best interest and my real best interest at this time would be the same. Cathy could be just a tad bit over-protective at times.

So, I kept my mouth shut on this subject and except for an odd look or two in my direction, Cathy didn’t notice a thing. After she left I went back to my room. I’d washed my favorite outfit in the bathtub last night and they were just about dry now. I’d have to thank my Cathy again tomorrow for teaching me how to wash properly, or the midnight black of my clothes would long ago have faded to a dull grey.

All dressed up in my Sunday best (NOT), I rechecked my makeup for the umpteenth time. I glanced out of the window to check the sun. It was almost setting, just 10 minutes left. I got up and a shiver of anticipation came over me. I put on my jacket just in case, and headed down towards the main hall.

I was the first to arrive, which didn’t surprise me much. The sun was still setting, and regardless of the note I still had my doubts that this was true. Through the window I watched the sun sinking between the trees, the last rays of sunlight playing on the walls of the main hall, until those too seemed to flicker out of existence. I remained in darkness.

Knowing that I had come to meet the owner of the place, I didn’t feel as big a need to keep hidden, and I turned on the lights, although I didn’t turn it all the way up. As I sat back down on the couch I noticed her, standing silently at the bottom of the staircase, as if she had been standing there for ages.

She must have been about my age. Her skin was, if possible, even more pale then mine. But with her pale skin our comparison ended. Her golden locks curled around her face, where I had straight black hair. Her dress was white and flowery, where I a wore deep black outfit. Her makeup was light in color and enhanced her face, where mine was meant to be as obvious a contrast as possible. She was a vision.

“Are you the girl that has been here the last week?” she asked. Even her voice was beautiful and I was left breathless trying to gather my thoughts.

She coughed to gather my attention again and I quickly spoke up, “Yes, sorry, yes I am.”

The girl giggled, and asked, “Do you have a name too? I’ve already told you mine in the note, which I presume you read or you wouldn’t be waiting here.”

“Yes, I do,” I answered, and almost forget to actually tell it. “Willow is my name. I’ve… I’ve run away from home. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude on your home, but we thought that this place was empty most of the time. It wasn’t permanent, I swear, it was just till my sister gets a place of her own and I can move in with her, honestly it is.” I almost stumbled over my words trying to get them out all at once.

Joanne giggled again, “Don’t worry, Willow, I’m not going to kick you out. Relax, slow down. I won’t hurt you, I promise.”

She made it sound like that was a big thing, that this little girl wasn’t going to hurt me. She truly didn’t seem like she was capable of doing so, but then again, she was the owner of the mansion, or so she said. Her words did have the desired effect, though. I did relax at knowing I would still have a place to stay.

She came towards me and sat down next to me on the couch. “I’m sorry I haven’t met you before, Willow, but I’ve got a severe allergy to sunlight. The Latin name for it is Solar Urticaria. After my family died, I lived on a sleep by day, live by night schedule. It seemed safer. It does get lonely, though. I’m glad you’re here now.”

“So let me get this straight -- you own this mansion?” I asked incredulously.

She nodded softly, "Yes, I do. The town people think I’m overseas, though, and a bit older then I actually am. If they knew that me, a poor defenseless little girl,” she chuckled at that, “was living here all on her own, I wouldn’t get any rest at all. They’d send in social services so fast you couldn’t say supercalifragilisticexpialidocious three times in a row before I was taken away.”

I laughed at this and exclaimed, “Hey, I couldn’t say that no matter how much time you gave me, but yes, I see what you mean. Does this mean I can stay here with you? That I don’t have to hide all the time anymore from the unknown cleaning person?”
This time she broke out in laughter, “Is that what you thought I was? I assure you I can be quite a slob at times, but the place has got to at least look like a caretaker is at work, or I might become the victim of vandals and such. Those with a lot less class than you have, who might break in.” She winked at me.

“You think I’ve got class? You’re the one all dressed up to the nines!” I exclaimed.

She seemed sad at that statement. “Yes, but I wish I could pull off a look like yours,” she said wistfully.

Chapter 6: Opposites attract

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“You’re kidding me right? You’d look awesome in a goth look! Hell, you’d look awesome in anything, I bet. In fact, I’m envious of that style you are wearing. I could never look good in that.”

Joanne giggled and said, “Is that a challenge? We remake each other in our own style and see who ends up looking best? I’m sure you’d look better in a pretty dress than I would in a goth look!”

I swallowed at this. A part of the goth look was to hide what was still boyish in me. The overdrawn black lines and lipstick were a focal point for attention and people wouldn’t look beyond that. At least, that was the theory -- I never used it for anyone other than my sister before, and she already knew my secret. Joanne didn’t, however.

In for a penny, in for a pound, I gathered. I could hardly step back now, I just had to be very careful. I nodded slowly, saying very carefully, “Ok, you’re on. When do we start?”

“How about right now? Where have you been sleeping and storing your stuff by the way?” she asked. I blushed a bright red at that. “In the little girl's room. I’m afraid at home I never got the chance to be a little girl like that.” Well, it was the truth, just not the entire truth. “And, I couldn’t help myself.”

“Aww, that’s so sad. Is that why you ran away? Was it abuse?” Joanne asked.

I was silent for a moment. In a way it was. He did beat me, if only the once. Then again, he had threatened me with it often enough, and it was when he found out about the real me, that he beat me.

The silence was enough for Joanne. “I see he did. Don’t worry sweetie, he won’t be able to get to you here. He will never be able to get to you again. I promise.” Somehow her words had a force behind them that made me shiver. As small and fragile as this girl seemed to be, I had an odd feeling she’d be able to live up to her promise.

She followed me to my room, where I got a set of clothes out of my suitcase that I thought would suit her well. A pair of black pants with rings on the left and right side as if one could be hung from them, a satin shirt with leather straps, and my extra set of black Doc Martens.

When I looked up again I was startled to see her standing there in her undies. She looked every bit as divine undressed as she did dressed, but I quickly looked away blushing. I’d seen my sister naked enough often enough, as she had with me, but this was different. This girl didn’t know me, didn’t know about my birth defect. It somehow seemed wrong.

She giggled and said, “Don’t worry, Hon, it’s just us girls. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.” If only she knew. Wait. No. Scratch that. She is not to know. But god she’s pretty. I looked up again, but made sure to look her in the eyes as I handed her the clothes. She slowly pulled on the pants, almost sensually. A wicked grin played on her lips, as if she knew the effect she was having on me.

After pulling on her shirt in a similar fashion, leaving me nearly breathless, she got up and walked to the mirror. “See, I told you, this will never do!” She did look more then a bit mismatched right now.

“No silly, we’re not even half done yet! Get back over here!” I helped her put on the Doc Martens, then got out a black hair band and brush. Carefully I brushed her hair back, those gorgeous and silky soft curls got carefully pulled back into a high ponytail. Next I grabbed my black makeup, and started doing her face. Her face felt cold to my touch, and I shivered as my hand touched her cheek.

The black set off perfectly on her face, her face seemed even whiter against the stark contrast. As I worked on her face I got lost in her eyes, stalling my progress for what must have been at least a minute. She coughed politely and I was snapped back to reality. A few more strokes with the eyeliner pencil and my work was done.

“It’d look even better with a black streak or two through those blonde locks of yours, but this look will do quite well I think.” I let her admire my handy work in the mirror. She was still every bit as gorgeous as she had been in the dress, but now looked quite dangerous as well. I was falling for her fast, but it confused the heck out of me. Shouldn’t I like boys instead? Was I actually a lesbian? Or maybe… maybe… maybe I wasn’t a girl after all. God no, I couldn’t stand that.

She laughed happily at her new look, then took my hand and started to lead me out of the room. “Where are we going?” I asked her.

“It’s your turn, sweetie, now come with me.” She led me to a room I hadn’t been in before, and pulled open a walk-in closet, filled to the brim with dresses and clothes. “Now, undress!” she ordered.

My heart got stuck in my throat. Was she going to find out my secret? I was safely tucked away, so if I was careful, that wouldn’t be too much of a problem. But I didn’t have any breasts yet. My training bra remained as of yet too empty. Not seeing any other option I slowly undressed. I could feel her eyes on my bare skin, and could swear that she was looking straight through my secret.

I covered my chest with my arms in a feeble attempt to hide the fact that there was nothing that to be hidden. She smiled a sweet smile and said, “Don’t worry, Willow, you’re just a late bloomer. With time, you’ll fill out. For now you’re gorgeous as you are.”

As I sat there self-consciously, trying to figure out if Joanne really meant that last statement, she went into the closet and came back with a pretty green skirt and a white peasant’s blouse. Two black strapped ballerina’s and white knee-high socks finished the ensemble she laid out for me.

As I reached for the skirt she stopped me. “Not like this Willow, we need to get the black off of your face first. We don’t want it staining those nice white garments.”

She grabbed some cotton and dabbed them with some makeup remover. Ever so gently she started wiping my face. Her soft touch on my skin felt divine and I closed my eyes as she carefully wiped every last trace off of my face. Joanne giggled, which broke the spell.

“I could swear you were almost purring there, it was so cute! Here… Now you are ready to put these on.” Thankful for the blockers that stopped any reaction that may have been embarrassing; I got dressed in the outfit she chose for me. When I was done she ordered me to sit down again, as she got out her own make-up kit.

As her hands worked on my face I was once again in heaven, I sat there and waited, relishing every moment. When I no longer felt her hands on my face I opened my eyes and looked straight into hers, just a few inches from mine. She looked at me intensely, and asked, “Do you believe in love at first sight?”

-editing by Pippa

CHAPTER 7: DISCOVERY

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She looked at me intensely, and asked, “Do you believe in love at first sight?”

Not trusting my voice I nodded slowly, never breaking eye contact. She leaned a little bit closer and kissed me full on the lips. I swear I could hear music playing as fireworks burst in front of my eyes. The lush softness of her lips, the scent of her hair had my world quivering beneath my feet. After what felt like an eternity but was still way too short she broke off the kiss. I felt her teeth scratch my lip. She noticed and licked the drop off blood off of my lips, looking as content as I felt.

“Does this mean you’re a… lesbian?” I asked, dreading the answer yet unable to stop myself.

“Of course it does silly, aren’t you?” she replied with worried look.

“Yes, yes of course I am. What else would I be?” I rushed to say, feeling like a complete idiot. She still saw me as a girl, as the real me. A load seemed to be lifted from my shoulders, and the world seemed a bit brighter.

We spend the rest of the evening talking, most of it cuddled up against each other. The more we found out about each other’s likes and dislikes, the stronger we felt for each other. We kept on talking till deep into the night, until I finally almost literally toppled over with sleep, cuddling her on the gigantic bed in the master bedroom.

When I woke, the sun was already high in the sky. I lay there with my eyes clothes, relishing the dream I had. If only such a girl could exist for real. Slowly I opened my eyes and noticed that I was not in my own room. I sat up straight and found out I was still dressed. In the blouse and skirt from my dream. It hadn’t been a dream! She was real! And I was hopelessly in love.

I reluctantly got out of bed, and more danced then walked through the mansion. I skimmed through my school work, unable to keep my thoughts focused. I’d kept wearing the skirt and blouse of the night before, simply cause they smelled like her, and they made me feel closer to her. Okay, so maybe I was a little obsessed with her, but I’d never had a fancy for anyone before, neither a boy nor a girl. This was all new to me.

I couldn’t wait to tell Cathy the good news. That I’d no longer had to hide in this mansion. That I’d met the girl who actually owns it, and most importantly, that I was in love. But the time she normally arrived came and went and Cathy never appeared. Maybe she was held up by dad. If my existence here was to remain a secret to him, then there would be days she wouldn’t be able to show up.

Rationalizing it like this I calmed down and looked forward to the evening when I would meet Joanne again. Kind of odd, I never found her sleeping. Being that allergic to the sunlight, she must have some place without windows to sleep. It would be safer than having someone accidentally open a curtain on you, and waking up with blisters or what have you.

As I was eating I decided that tomorrow I’d make her dinner. Or breakfast I guess, if she was only just awake. My sister taught me how to cook. Dad always said it was only for girls to cook, but since he usually only came home when it was done, he never made a fuzz about me cooking because he never found out about it.

Shortly after dusk Joanne appeared again and our evening was much like the last one. When I told her about the schoolwork I was working on she was actually enthusiastic about it. She asked me to fetch my school books, and together we went through my self-appointed homework.. It was still as much a challenge as it was doing it alone, but it was a whole lot more fun this way. Once again I fell asleep in her arms and woke up late in the morning. Actually, it would be more accurate to say it was early in the afternoon.

Again my sister didn’t show up, I was getting a little worried, but I knew what dad could be like. I also knew that Cathy was right and that he’d never hit a girl. I cringed again at the thought that he would hit me, but then he was too blind to see the truth. I walked to the kitchen to see what I could prepare for my newfound love, only to find out that there was no food at all there. Not a single grain of wheat nor a drop of liquid besides water. The fridge, though functional, was completely empty and it looked like it hadn’t been used in ages.

I’d have to do some shopping tomorrow if I wanted to continue my plan of making her a nice breakfast dinner. The food Cathy had brought me was functional, but not something romantic to prepare for my love. I had enough to last me 5 more days, but I sure hoped Cathy would be back long before that.

I sat on the porch, watching the last rays of the sun light up the flowers of the unkempt garden. Darkness fell, and the air grew silent, but for the chirping of crickets. Joanne hadn’t showed up yet, but she could appear any moment now.

Suddenly the silence of the night was broken by something that sounded halfway like a shriek. It could have been a chicken that got caught by a fox or something. For a few seconds it was totally silent. I didn’t notice what had changed to make it so silent until the silence was once again broken by the crickets that started chirping again.

The air was clear and cold and the moon, which was almost full, stood out clearly against the sky. The lack of the lights from the village gave a much clearer view of the stars. I was quite entranced in stargazing when I felt her cold lips in my neck steal a soft kiss. I smiled broadly as I turned around, wrapped my arms around her neck and kisses her deeply. She sat down next to me, leaning softly against me.

Even though I was getting pretty chilled, I didn’t want to get up. The night sky was so pretty and romantic, and the company just perfect. I looked at her, wondering what she saw in me.

“You should be more careful when you’re painting, it can be hell to wash out.” I told her.

She looked at me confused for a moment. I pointed at the red stain on her collar and she stammered, “Oh that’s not paint, it’s...” she fell silent.

It’s blood, I realized. Suddenly things started to add up. Her cold skin, no food, the blood she licked from my lips, not being awake during the day.
“Are you,” I started at the same time as she said “I’m a”. We both laughed at that and an uncomfortable silence followed.

Again we spoke up at the same time, again we both stopped. I mentioned to her to continue first. “I’ve a confession to make, and I’ll understand if you don’t love me after I tell you. You see, I’m a vampire.”

“I came to that same conclusion just now. No, that’s not quite right. I think I’ve known all along on some level.” I told her before kissing her softly. “Call me odd, but I don’t care what you are. I love you.”

CHAPTER 8: THE OFFER

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“I just don’t have it in me to kill people. I know I’m the hunter now, I know my instincts tell me that humans are food, but I simply cannot get myself to kill a human being. So I survive on chickens, and other creatures that live here in the woods. It doesn’t taste nearly as good as human blood does, but at least I can live with myself afterwards.”

Joanne had been explaining the rules of being a vampire, and how she survived out here. Crosses did nothing, nor did true faith. Garlic, tasted good but smelled bad, so besides being annoying wasn’t anything that kept vampires at bay. Neither running water nor being invited inside mattered anything, but a stake through the heart was really deadly.

Not that it mattered what material it was. Iron and stone were just as effective as silver or wood. Once a stake was in the heart, the vampire couldn’t regenerate anymore, and normal aging would catch up. For a young vampire there would still be a corpse, but the really old vampires truly did turn to dust.

Another thing that the legends were right about was sun light. The older the vampire became, the faster it killed the vampire. A very young vampire would get severe blisters first, the burns rapidly expanding over the body, which would get deeper and deeper until the vampire was burned to dust. An ancient vampire on the other hand would erupt in flame and before his body hit the ground he’d be nothing but ashes.

When I asked her how she knew this she grew silent. After about a minute she began to speak in a very soft voice, “A week or two after I was turned, vampire hunters came and killed my family. I wasn’t used yet to hiding from the daylight and had forgotten the time. I was playing in the attic at the time. I tried to sleep up there, out of the reach of where the sun would shine through the windows, but I couldn’t seem to fall asleep.”

“I heard noise from downstairs, and I couldn’t figure out who it could be.
Everyone should be asleep in their coffins by now, even me if I’d had any sense before. I looked out of the window, making sure that the sunlight never made direct contact with my skin, and saw a bunch of people carry out the coffins of my brethren. I saw them breaking open the coffins and…” She faltered and I wrapped an arm around her to give my support.

“I can still hear their screams in my dreams sometimes. And still I don’t know why the hunters came for them. Like me, they fed on animals, they were harmless… Why did they have to kill them all?”

I held her pressed against me as she cried softly, red tears streaked her porcelain white face. We just sat there, holding each other, no need for words. After a little while she slowly began the rest of her explanation.

“We can’t turn into a wolf or bat, that is actually the domain of another supernatural species, the shifters.” I looked up as she mentioned this.
“My sister is a shifter.” I said softly.

“And you are not? That usually runs true for all girls in the family. Must have had some unlucky genes I guess.”

“You have no idea,” I answered, not yet willing to give up my secret just yet. I’d have to tell her eventually, but I was still figuring out how to do it. I’d find the right time and place to tell her. And with luck she’d even still love me after I told her.

The next few nights were mostly bliss. I’d switched almost completely to her night rhythm and even watched her dine on a chicken once, in morbid fascination. We were together almost every moment of the night, and on the fourth day I even slept in her coffin with her. We were both pretty small still, and the coffin was adult sized. I joked with Joanne about getting a double coffin to be a bit more comfy, which got a chuckle out of her.

The only thing spoiling my mood was that it had been 5 days now since Cathy had last been by. I was really starting to get worried about here. As a result food was running out as well, and I’d have to go into town tomorrow to buy some new food. The food was the least of my worries though, and I spoke with extendedly with Joanne about it.

“What if dad did anything to Cathy? What if he’s hurt her and she can’t come? What if…” my voice faltered.

“I’ll go look for her tomorrow love, during the night. I can remain pretty much unseen, I’m silent as the night, and a lot stronger then I look. I won’t have to be afraid of your father.” She looked at me, obviously pondering something.

“Would you…,” she paused for a moment. “Would you like to join me? To become a vampire as well so we could be together forever? To never have to fear your father again?”

My heart skipped a beat. She wanted to be together forever, to have me on her side for all of eternity. Never be alone again, my soul-mate at my side until the end of times. My heart soared, but then came crashing down. What was I thinking, she didn’t know my secret yet. Would she still want me when she knew? And what would be worse, I’d be stuck with this boy body until the end of time.

My stomach turned at that thought and my face got green. Joanne saw my reaction and completely misinterpreted it.

“Is that what you think of me? Am I that gross to you? I thought you loved me!” she looked at me in despair.

I tried to speak up, I tried to tell her that I did love her, that I did indeed want to spend eternity with her. I even wanted to tell her my big secret right then, but the moment I tried to open my mouth my lunch was trying to find its way out.

I closed it again desperately fighting my nausea down, but she got up and started walking away. I reached out for her, trying to grab her and stop her, but I missed. I got up and started to chase her when my lunch really did make its way out and I was too busy emptying my stomach to do anything else.

“This was the last time you’ve had to put up with me! You won’t be seeing me again!” was the last thing I heard between two mouthfuls of yuck.

-thanks go to darkice for some help in readability, this is unfortunatly unedited though, through my own fault.

Chapter 9: All alone

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I stumbled out of bed. I was a wreck. I hadn’t been able to sleep at all, all I’d been able to think about was Joanne. I needed to pull myself together. I got up, brushed my teeth and took my pills. I went through all the motions, but my heart really wasn’t in it.

I went downstairs to make myself some bread when I noticed the food was gone. I’d eaten the last bread last night and was rudely reminded that I needed to go into town today to buy more. I checked my purse for my wallet and found that I had enough for another couple of days worth of food. Cathy had to come by quick or I’d be stuck without food. I might be able to find something to eat in the garden, there might be an apple tree or something. I hadn’t seen it yet though.

Why did Joanne leave? Oh, I knew why, I had seemed totally disgusted with the thought of becoming a vampire. Even I could see that. But I hadn’t been, truly. If only I’d been born a real girl, this would never have happened. I’d have forsaken my mortality gladly to be able to be with her forever. I wasn’t born a girl though, I was stuck with this damned body.

Reluctantly I pulled on my jacket and set out to town. I wasn’t making much speed for several reasons. The most obvious reason was how tired I was. I hadn’t been able to close my eyes a second without seeing Joanne walk out on me and the lack of sleep was taking its toll. The chances that I would run into dad made me reluctant to go and I worried a lot about what had happened to Cathy.

The weather had changed overnight and the sky was covered in dark threatening clouds. That suited my mood fine though, as it reflected my thoughts. It wasn’t raining quite yet, but it sure looked like it would any minute now.

The first houses of the village came into sight but I didn’t really notice. My thoughts were still bouncing back and forth between Joanne and Cathy. Where was Cathy? Would Joanne be back? What would become of me? Would it end up with me having to go back to dad, and suffer through the rest of my life being a boy? No! That was one thing I knew would never happen. I’d sooner end it all. If only Cathy were here, or Joanne hadn’t left.

I strolled into the grocery store, repeating the same set of thoughts over and over and over again in my head. I grabbed a basket and started gathering food. Enough for a week at least, I knew I could use the fridge now so I could get some fresh food as well. I didn’t know when Cathy would show up again, but after 5 days I was starting to fear the worst. After standing in line to pay and putting everything in a plastic bag, I suddenly heard my dad voice hollering, “Well if it isn’t the little freak!”

Before I could look around to see where he was standing I felt a heavy blow my head and was flung against the wall. Barely able to remain conscious I saw how some of the shoppers immediately went at dad, and restrained him.

“What the hell do you think you are doing beating Cathy around, John?” one of people asked. The voice sounded familiar but my world was still spinning too much to make out who it was.

“That’s not Cathy that’s William, the little freak!” dad’s voice bellowed again, shouting almost at the top of his longs.

“That… by George, you’re right,” the voice spoke up again. As my vision slowly came into focus I realized that my secret had now been blown and that before long everyone would know. I wished the floor would open and swallow me whole, away from the ridicule, the pain. But of course no such thing happened. The voice continued, “that still no reason to beat her up like that! What the hell do you think you are doing?”

“I got a proper beating in my time as well, and I grew up to be a good man too! Look at him! The freak! Nothing but a goddamned freak! That’s no son of mine, probably never was.”

I scrambled up, still pressing my body against the wall to stay as far away as possible, even though he was well restrained by now. I had to get away from. The exit was only a few feet away, and carefully I moved towards it.

“That’s right little freak! Flee! And don’t think you’re sister will help you again. She can’t, I made sure of that! Let me go damnit!” He struggled and almost got loose, making in a grab in my direction. I didn’t wait to see what would happen next and dashed for the door. I ran across the street not seeing where I was going. I heard shrieking of brakes as a car narrowly avoided hitting me, but I didn’t look around, I just kept going.

The clouds chose that moment to break and a torrent of water fell down on me and everything around me. My face was already soaking wet from my tears, but within seconds the onslaught of rain had soaked through my jacket and pants, and I was wet to the bone.

As I ran out of the village into the woods I made a wrong step, slipped and landed but first in a large puddle of rainwater. I got up again and grabbed my shopping bag and found out that the fall had made the bottom burst out and my food was spread out all through the puddle. I quickly saved what could still be saved.

All of the fresh stuff was now soaked with mud and dirt, the bottle of drink had broken. With luck there was enough food still eatable for another day or so. I’d given up on running and just walked home, sneezing and coughing, covered in mud, the rain still pouring down on me.

Finally I reached the mansion and got inside. I didn’t care anymore though, I could just as well still be standing outside. I was emotionally and physically drained, I didn’t have anyone left in the world. Maybe Joanne…

I didn’t dare to hope, but maybe Joanne would be back. If I could just speak to her I could explain I didn’t hate her. If I could just see her again it would be all right. Together we could stand it. Joanne would know what to do.

Cathy… Dad said he’d made sure Cathy couldn’t help me anymore. What had he meant? Was she ok? Joanne had promised to go look for Cathy. Would she still do that for me? If only I could talk to her, I’d tell her everything. I’d even tell her…

I’d even tell her what a freak I was. That I didn’t deserve her love. That she was right to abandon me. But I couldn’t stand the thought that she thought I was disgusted with her. It was me I was disgusted with. I could never hate Joanne. I loved her.

I curled up into a ball on the couch in the main hall, I cried and waited. The sun went down and I kept my eyes locked on the entrance to her sanctuary. But nothing happened, no one showed, least of all Joanne.

Finally after what seemed like many hours, I fell into a restless slumber.

Chapter 10: Farewell

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I was awakened by the warmth of the sun on my face. It was day again, and Joanne hadn’t showed up. I was still alone. Was Joanne home, or had she really left me and the mansion? My clothes cracked as I stood up, cakes of dried up mud falling off of me.

I’d made up my mind. I’d get up, and wait at her coffin for her to wake. She couldn’t get past me then, and I’d be able to explain myself to her. I got up and, leaving a small trail of dried mud behind me as I made my way to the cellar.

Hesitantly I opened the door to her sanctuary. It was completely dark, but that was to be expected, Joanne didn’t need the light. I lit a candle and walked over to her coffin. Holding my breath I held the candle over the open coffin. It was empty. Joanne really had left.

Dad was right. I was a freak. I couldn’t even manage to keep those I loved close, I’d pushed everyone away thanks to my desire to be a girl. I’d come close, but in the end it all meant nothing. I had nothing left at all. Not even the option of going back, dad had made sure of that. Everyone probably knew by now. And now my last hope had gone. She had probably left for good.

There was no use in going on. What did the future offer me? Nothing at all.

Cathy was taken away, god knows what had happened to her. I hope that me disappearing for good will fix her problems. With me gone, dad shouldn’t have a reason to keep her locked up, or far away anymore.

Joanne would continue to live forever. I’d want her to find someone new. A real girl, who wasn’t as complicated and messed up as I was. She’d be ok, she was way stronger then I could ever hope to be. A real girl would be so much better for her then I could ever be.

I don't know what had happened to my father. He was never the sweetest of guys, but his behavior in town was beyond anything I ever expected of him, even after he hit me that first time. In the middle of the grocery store, with so many witnesses? That was just stupid. If only mom had been alive.

Mom… A single tear ran down my cheeks as I thought of her. *I’m coming mom, but if I’m going to do this I have to do it right.*

Having made up my mind an odd calm came over me, and I started to plan my demise. I didn’t know if there would be an afterlife, if there would be reincarnation, or something else altogether. But I did want to face what followed next with at least a shred of dignity. And that meant getting at least somewhat presentable

I shed the mud soaked clothes, and dropped them in a disposal bin. I let warm water fill the bath and added some oils. I sighed as I slowly submerged myself in the hot water. This I’d miss. Would they have baths in the afterlife? I didn’t waste much time in the bath though, there were things that needed to be done.

As I dried myself I pondered what I’d like to be remembered as. The choice wasn’t hard, I wanted to be remembered as Joanne’s girlfriend. That meant wearing the outfit she had picked out for me that first day we met.

One by one I retrieved the desired items. The soft green skirt, the white laced peasant blouse, the knee-high socks, and the black strapped ballerina’s. Carefully I put each item on. My hair was easy enough to do, with the length it had I had two options. Combed back with gel for boy mode, or brushed straight down for girl mode. Even if I’d wanted boy mode, there was no gel anywhere in the mansion that I knew of. But it was a moot point, there would never be boy mode again. Ever.

As I looked in the mirror I noticed that something was missing. Then I realized what it was. Makeup. Unfortunately, I had no experience with putting on the natural colors that went with this outfit, and I didn’t want to face the afterlife as a clown, so I’d have to go without. There was no mistaking me for a boy at the moment, and that was what mattered.

There was but one thing that was still gnawing at me. Joanne would have to know that she was not at fault. I didn’t know if she’d be the one that’d find me, I didn’t know if she’d ever even read it, but I had to leave her a message.

After a quick search I found a pen and paper.

Beloved Joanne,

I’m sorry it’s come to this, but I see no way out anymore. All that matters now is that I love you, but even you are gone. My world is in shambles and all the bridges back have been burned. Everything is gone, my father, my sister, even you. There is no place left to go but one. I guess my father was right, I am a freak. I’m crazy for ever wanting to be normal, it’s just not possible. I will never be normal. If I were normal I would’ve accepted your gift without a moment’s hesitation. I’m the freak, not you. I’m the one who I was sick over, not you. I truly wish I was more like you. It wasn’t meant to be.

I’ll love you forever, in this life and the next,
Willow

When I was done I set down on the bed. I’d already gotten all the pills out in a glass, and another glass containing water to wash them away. There was quite a little pile of pills in the glass, three months worth, two pills a day. Of course, two weeks had already been taken so that left… about one hundred and fifty pills. I took about 5 pills at a time, flushing them away with some water before taking the next batch.

I only came about halfway and had to refill the water twice. If I’d take anymore I’d throw up, and all my effort would have been for naught.

I lay back on the bed, not feeling very well. A half chuckle came out which was the most emotional thing that had come out of me since I’d made up my mind. Not feeling very well, what else did I expect? This was the end after all… it wouldn’t take long though, soon it would all be over. I lay on the bed silently, staring up at the ceiling, waiting for it to end.

A sharp pain stabbed through my chest, the pulsing pain that remained throbbed into my arm and neck. I felt chilled, sweaty and nauseous. I barely resisted the urge to throw up, and spoil my outfit. God knew how long I’d lay here before anyone found me. After what seemed like an eternity of agony darkness finally claimed me. It was done. Momma, here I come.
Sorry, Joanne.

- Editing by the very modest and unassuming Pippa
-- I'm a sucker for attention so if you like this story, please leave a comment.

Chapter 11: Against all odds

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I woke up feeling good. Better than good even, I felt great. Was I in heaven? I don’t think I should be, they say suicides go straight to hell. But if I was in hell, why did I feel so good? Hell wasn’t supposed to feel good... hell was supposed to feel… well, like hell I guess.

I did feel a sense of peace though. There was something different. Something important, that I couldn’t quite get my finger upon. I felt lighter, as if some burden had suddenly dropped away.

I pushed myself upright to look at my surroundings, when I noticed something shift on my chest. I looked down to see what was on my chest and promptly fell back on my back. Cleavage. Not anything to write home about, maybe a B cup at max, but I had cleavage. How could I have cleavage? The hormones I’d taken for almost a year barely got me to AA. Duh, it must be stuffed, tissues or something. I stuck my hand in my training bra, which was rather too tight at the moment, to remove the tissues.

Nothing. Nothing at all. Well, nothing but my own flesh that is. And sensitive too, I’d have to watch out with that. Was it the hormones that did this? That couldn’t be, could it? I admit I did take a lot of hormones at the same time, but these things don’t just grow over night.

I giggled and had to admit that they did, I had the proof of it right here. But I was pretty sure it wasn’t the hormones that did it. Wait, if I suddenly had breasts, did that mean…

Slowly I slid a hand into my panties. For a second my hand moved about trying to find the damnable dangly bit, then it shot out again lightning fast. Nope, it most definitely was not hormones that did this. There was simply no way the hormones could’ve fixed me down there.

It wasn’t until that moment that it truly dawned on me. I was fixed! No longer stuck in a body that shouldn’t be mine, I was no longer haunted by that mismatch of body and mind. That’s why I felt at peace, the burden that had been with me all my life was suddenly lifted.

Well, that answered one question. Not to sound ungrateful, I still didn’t understand why I wasn’t dead. Nor why I now suddenly was a proper girl. Nor why this bed had wooden boards on all sides.

Wait a minute, I knew this bed. I’ve slept here with Joanne, this was her coffin. Why was I in her coffin? Okay, stupid question, you commit suicide, you end up in a coffin. But I wasn’t dead.

Wait a minute…Wasn’t I? I checked my pulse. I held my breath as I waited. Was that a beat I felt? Nah, too faint. One minute passed, then two, three, four, five and still I wasn’t quite sure if there was something or not. I let out my breath in frustration. Wait a second, had I just been holding my breath for 5 minutes? I wasn’t even feeling any discomfort. I tried both my chest and my throat to feel if there was a heartbeat, just to be sure. If there was it was too faint to feel.

Then that must mean... that I am dead. Well, I guess that means it wasn’t a failed suicide after all. I sat there for a couple of minutes letting the idea sink in. Joanne must’ve done it. Even after I got sick over it and told her in my letter that it was me who had the problem. How dare sh… wait a minute. The reason why I was disgusted is gone. I’d get to spend eternity with Joanne! In a proper body!

I cheered out loud and promptly shut up in surprise at the sound of my voice. It was more or less the same but it sounded richer. This would take some getting used to.

Another question answered and a new one came forth. If I was now a vampire, then Joanne must have been here. That still didn’t account for me being a girl though. I never heard of a turning that included a sex change. True, vampires weren’t exactly common, but it happened often enough and there were quite a few books written on vampires. Was it the added hormones? That sounds a little bit more likely, but it still doesn’t make sense. Vampires have no shifting powers, so with or without hormones I should still be the same.

I took a look at my watch and saw it was half past seven in the evening. It should be dark outside, and thus safe to go out. I climbed out of the coffin, and looked around. The first thing I noticed was that none of the candles were on, nor was the electric lighting. Yet I could still see as if it were daylight. I could see the coffin, the unlit candles, the items on the shelves and the letter pinned to the door.

Dearest Willow,

I’ve spend the last two nights in agony. At first I thought I was lost to your love, but the longer I thought about it, the less sense it made. If you were so disgusted with vampires, then why would you go so far as to sleep in the coffin with me. At the end of the first night I was convinced there was something more going on, but I was too scared to go back to you, too scared that I had messed it up beyond repair.

By the end of the second night I couldn’t take it any longer, I knew I had to see you again. Even if you didn’t love me anymore, I had to know what had happened. It was too late to return home though. The sun was already starting to show. As soon as dusk came I sprinted home.

I’ve spend years in that home and never noticed how silent it was. But when you didn’t answer when I called out your name, the silence was deafening. I was afraid you’d left, that you’d gone back to town or something, maybe fled somewhere with your sister. Until I ran into the mud trail you’d left behind. I followed it all the way, from the main hall to my sanctuary and on to your room. That’s when I found you.

When I saw you lying there on your bed, I was afraid I was too late. You looked so serene, so at peace and yet so utterly devoid of life. I found and read your note. I am so sorry Willow, and I don’t care what it is you seem so disgusted by. I love you no matter what you are. I hope that one day you can tell me your secret, and we’ll handle it together. But for now I’m scared that you will be too pissed at me.

After reading your farewell note I just sat there for a couple of minutes, in complete silence contemplating what I had so carelessly lost. It was in that silence that I heard the faint beating of your heart. The beat was barely audible and seemed irregular, as if it could end any moment.

You were still alive! But not for long if I was any judge of things (and after being a vampire for a couple of years, one becomes an expert on death, believe me on that). I did the only thing I could think of to save you, the one thing that you turned down before. I made you a vampire.

It wasn’t until after that I realized what I had done. I had betrayed your trust and made you a vampire against your will. To me it does not matter. Whatever was wrong with you, I can live with it. As for your note, you haven’t lost everything. Whatever happens I will be waiting for you. If you still feel you want to end it all I… I can’t blame you. I did this against your will. If you still wish to end it all you could view one last sunrise.

I’m sorry I’m not here when you wake, but if you decide to take that final trip into daylight, I’m afraid I would follow you if I were with you. I still might. I will be back in two weeks, there is a chicken coop behind the mansion where I usually fed from, please feel free to use it as fit.

Forever yours,
Joanne

Dried red tears adorned the page. She still loved me! But she wouldn’t be back for two weeks. And she was talking… Oh my god. She was talking about following me into the sunlight. I had to find her before then. I had to know there was no longer any reason to be disgusted. I even… I would even tell her my history. But first I had to find her. She was in agony somewhere, waiting for me to either be here or be gone. I had to let her know I was alright now.

But where would I find her? She didn’t leave anything of an address, just that she’d be back in two weeks. I’d presume she’d go to the same place she’s been staying the last two days, which was a good thing cause she made it back within a day, so it couldn’t be too far. How to find her? If only Cathy was here, she always had a plan ready.

Yes, that was it. I’d have to find out what had happened to Cathy, and get her out. I couldn’t let my sister alone now, not when she got into trouble because of me. No longer was I the small weak little misfit. I had a vampire’s strength now. Sure, the powers like stealth and so I’d need to learn, but strength I could use. Just to be sure I was right I tested it on the coffin, which I could lift now with hardly any trouble.

So what did I need if I was going to safe Cathy? I was going to try not to hurt anyone, so I’d probably have to sneak. Looking down at my pretty white and green outfit I realized that it would never do. Luckily my own rags were a lot more suited to the night. I quickly changed and set out on my rescue mission

I made my way out of the mansion and onto the road to town. The wind was whispering its song through the trees. The silver rays of moonlight and the reflection of the stars reflected upon the still wet forest, making it seem alive. I started running towards town, first in a leisurely pace, but building up the pace steadily, until the trees all but flashed by and I arrived in town in what can’t have been more than a minute or two.

Chapter 12: A sisters love

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The church clock told me it was about 9 p.m. when I arrived in my old neighbourhood. The roads were fairly quiet, which was a good thing, because I didn’t intend to be seen tonight. There were still a couple of people walking about, so I’d decided to go through the gardens.

If I had been this limber back when I attended school I’d never have flunked phys ed. Fences, hedges, walls, none of these really slowed me down as I made my way home. My old home I should say, it wasn’t really mine anymore.

The lights inside were on, both in my sisters room and in the living room. I got the key from my wallet and as soft as possible I opened the backdoor. As I stood in the hallway I realized a problem. To get upstairs to my sisters room I had to pass the living room, the door of which stood wide open.

Very carefully I made my way to the door, and being careful I peeked inside. There, on the couch sat my father. Actually, to say he sat would’ve been generous. He lay sprawled out over it, a bottle of something that looked like strong liquor clenched in his arms. Another 10 to 12 bottles stood around the couch and the coffee table. Dirty dishes were left on the dining room table, and clothes lay throughout the room. What the hell had happened here?

Since my father seemed thoroughly out cold, I walked past the door and up the stairs. As I neared my sister’s room I could hear sobbing from within. I rushed over and flung open the door. As I did so I heard the sound of wood breaking. My sister lay on her bed, face in the pillows. At the noise it shot up and looked first at me, then at the door.

“Sis? Is that really you?” she asked and then took a second look at the door. Before I could answer her she said, “And how the hell did you just do that?”

I looked at the opened door myself, and saw to my amazement that the lock of the door had been broken out, the metal parts slightly twisted and sticking out at an odd angle. Wow. I broken through a locked door without a moment thought. I’d have to be a lot more careful

“This is the neither time nor place to explain sis. From what I saw it’s healthier if you’ll be living with me for the time being. I need some explanations too, but they can wait. I’d like to grab some stuff from my room while I’m here. Just give me a moment. I rushed into my room, grabbed my backpack and my laptop, a couple of books and a small selection of my CD’s. I made sure my favorite Sisters of Mercy and Tjaikovski CD’s had been included and went back to Cathy.

She was already busy stuffing some of her own clothes into a bag. Together we quickly gathered what she needed and made our way downstairs, with a total of 5 bags. I caught Cathy throwing wondering glances my way every once in a while. I ignored them for the time being.

“Oh sis, there’s no food at the mansion, I advise you take some from the fridge.” Another 4 minutes later we had enough packed for a couple of days and were on our way out the back door. I was carrying the brunt of the bags, which did slow us down a little bit, but we still made good time.

When we arrived at the mansion Cathy started towards the side entrance. “There’s no need for that anymore Sis,” I told her as I opened the main door. She looked at me, the question almost visible on her face, but she waited till we were inside to speak up.

“It’s story time Sis. Start talking, what the hell is going on here?”

“A lot, Sis. The evening I last saw you, I met the owner of this place, a girl named Joanne. After letting me know it was ok for me to stay here we got talking. One thing led to another and after a mutual make-over she asked me if I believed in love at first sight. She’s the most amazing girl, beautiful as can be. Golden curls cascading down her face, the most beautiful black eyes, face of an angel. She’s my age too.”

Cathy got an amused look on her face. “Ok, I get the point. You’re in love that much is obvious. Now stop doting on her and tell me how you did the impossible back there!”

“I’m getting to that sis, but it is important for what happens next. Anyway, she claimed to be allergic to sunlight. She had switched to a night schedule because the sunlight hurt her. But as the days passed, I started to notice other things that didn’t add up. I’ve never seen her eat, I had no clue where she slept, or at least, it wasn’t in a bed I ever saw. Also, her skin was cold. Just when I figured it all out myself, she shared her secret with me. She is a vampire.”

Cathy started to say something but I held up my hand to stop her. “I know what you think sis, but do not worry. She only feeds on animals, she’s had her chance with me a lot of times and she never took advantage of me. She only bit me to save my life and she returned that favor, or I wouldn’t be here.”

Cathy sat up and looked at me worriedly, “Save your life? From what?!”

“Well, you didn’t show up for a couple of days, and I got real worried for you. I shared my concerns with Joanne, and she offered to go out at night to find out what happened to you and if need be, safe you. She also offered to let me join her as a vampire so that I’d never have to fear dad again. We could be together forever. For a moment I was elated. I could think of no greater joy then to spend the rest of eternity with her. But then I remembered my secret.”

“Now you need to know that I hadn’t told Joanne about my birth defect yet. I didn’t know how to tell her and was scared silly that she would no longer like me if she knew. At the thought of being stuck for all of eternity in this broken body, I got physically sick. I got so sick that I couldn’t utter another word without puking. Joanne misunderstood me getting sick. She thought I was sick at the thought of being a vampire. She was hurt badly by this and left, saying I wouldn’t see her again.”

I was in tears by then. Cathy looked at my face shocked, but let me continue, “I tried to stop her Sis, I really did. I was puking at the time, and I couldn’t get out a word. I couldn’t stop her.”

I paused a moment to gather myself again, wiping my tears away with a sleeve. Cathy stared oddly at my sleeve, but kept silent. She did wrap an arm around me which helped a lot. A minute or so later I continued.

“Almost a week had passed and you still hadn’t shown up. I was running out of food, so the next morning I went into town during working hours. I thought that dad would be at work. I found out he wasn’t when I ran into him at the shop. He outed my secret to the whole town, he hit me in front of everybody and told me I’d never see you again. As I ran away the people in the grocery store held him back. And top it all off, I fell while I ran home through the rain and spoiled most of the food.”

“When I came to the mansion, covered in mud and wet from the rain, I went in a search for Joanne. I needed her so much. I was hoping that maybe she had returned or was sleeping in her sanctuary. She hadn’t and she wasn’t. I’d lost all I ever cared about. I saw no way out anymore sis, except to end it all. I took all my pills and swallowed as many as I could, hoping to drift off and never wake up again.”

With tears in her eyes she almost whispered, “Oh my god. If I’d known things had gotten that bad I would have tried a lot harder to get out. But…Willow? I don’t think you can actually overdose on hormones. Sure it’s very dangerous and it might cause a heart attack, but the hormones on themselves can’t just kill you like that I think.”

“That might explain why it was so painful and took so long before I passed out. Anyway, I woke up somewhere else. I’ll spare you the details on how I found, but I can tell you that I’m a real girl now. I mean, I always was, but now my body fits as well!” I almost glowed with glee when I told her that and I saw her eyes bulge.

“You’re all girl now? But… that’s impossible! Isn’t it?”

“I thought the same Sis, but it’s all real now.” I pulled down my shirt a little bit to show off my décolleté. “See, it’s all me now. And not just up here,” I blushed a bit as I nodded downwards.

“… Wow… Uhh, congratulations Sis… But… how?”

“I don’t know sis, but I think it has to do with my other revelation. I also found out that I now am a vampire too. It was then that I found Joanne’s letter to me. Wait one sec.”

I shot out of the room towards the sanctuary to retrieve the letter, ran back and handed it to Cathy, who read it in silence. When she was done she looked up at me and said, “Wow, she really does love you. I’m not too sure that I like you being a vampire, but it sure beats you being dead.”

She paused for a second, “Wait a minute though. It still doesn’t make sense. How did you become a real girl? Vampires don’t have any shifting powers.” She looked puzzled for a moment and then repeated, “They only improve upon what’s there when they turn. Getting prettier, stronger, faster, that all is normal for what will happen to a new vampire. But I’ve never heard of them shifting upon turning.”

I nodded, “That part I haven’t figured out either. I’m guessing that me being loaded on hormones had something to do with it and you are right, becoming a vampire perfects your body, but it’s nowhere near shifting, just improving what’s there.”

“Maybe Joanne will know more about this? What I know about vampires is just hearsay. She might have more information. All the more reason to go find her, but first, what happened to dad? He never was like this before…”

- unfortunatly, once again an unedited post
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Love,
Amber