Chapter 2 – The first deception

My resemblance to Susan was not exactly carbon copy but I considered it close enough for people to believe without raising too many alarm bells, and certainly mum’s diminished state should allow the new look Susan to pass muster. I practiced walking in the heels to make sure I would not look like a some drunken ostrich and reminded myself of the mantra “small steps, hip sway” which was always the advice to models at shop fashion shows I had decorated over the years.

I glanced at my watch. I had a little time before visiting hour would come around so I undressed again and slipped on my own jeans and t-shirt. I decided in order to minimise my time dressed en-femme I would carry the outfit to Susan’s and get dressed there. I could borrow a little of her make up and spritz some of her perfume on myself so that I would smell like my sister as well as look like her. I could feel my pulse rate increasing as I check listed what I needed to do in order to make things work and made myself some food for dinner. I wasn’t feeling hungry but didn’t want this tension on an empty stomach.

An hour before visiting I grabbed the holdall with the clothing and Susan’s house keys and headed out of my flat. For some bizarre reason I felt self conscious as I walked along the road, as if people could tell what I was going to do despite any external signs whatsoever. I tried to remind myself that this was just a madcap piece of disguise for the benefit of an old lady who would take comfort from it and it was only for a couple of nights at most. There was nothing to worry about. I should relax and enjoy it. Treat it like an adult Halloween outing. Nothing more.

My hands were shaking when I put the key into Susan’s front door and then turned off their alarm system. I knew I didn’t have long to get prepared so I quickly went to her bedroom and undressed. It felt wrong to be stripping down in the bedroom of my sister and brother in law’s house but I told myself I didn’t have time to worry about that. Instead I needed to get myself ready.

I pulled on the jeans and blouse before sitting at the dressing table and pulled out a couple of drawers before finding some make up. I had already shaved as close as possible but decided I needed a little foundation cream on my face to reduce the signs of stubble. Then I found a mascara wand so I did my eyelashes in the hope of making my eyes look a little prettier. I put a little of her eye-shadow on before taking a lipstick and gave my mouth a deep burgundy colouring. I paused as I saw myself reflecting in the mirror and smiled. I did look more like my sister that ever before. This should work!

I could not find the perfume at first but found some in the en-suite bathroom cabinet and dabbed my neck and wrists with it which brought Susan to life in my body. I was feeling very smug when I glanced at my hands. Nails! Susan was never without nail varnish! I needed to wear some because mum has a great hand holder and would notice. Having not done physical work for a few weeks, my nails were a little longer than usual so I grabbed an emery board and began giving them a little shape but as I did so I noticed the time was rushing past and I needed to paint the nails now and get moving.

I found a bottle of varnish that was a similar shade to the lipstick and painted each set of nails as best I could. My hands were shaking with nerves and the job wasn’t perfect but good enough. As I held them out before me I suddenly shuddered once more. Jewellery! Susan always wore rings and a bracelet – and of course she would have that with her on her holiday. I noticed a jewellery box and searched in it for something I could wear. Her rings were mostly too small for my hands but I found one I could wear and a clasp bracelet which would go round my wrist so I threw them on.

I was getting out of the chair when I realised I hadn’t secured the wig on yet and sat back down to make sure it was pinned in place and my own hair wasn’t visible. For the first time in my life I was grateful for my receding hairline and cropped haircut. I grabbed a hairbrush and gently teased the hair so that it looked relatively natural and managed.

Another glance at the watch. Damn – it’s a quarter to and its still a 15 minute walk to the care home – I need to get going! Then I saw my watch again – a large masculine item my sister would never be wearing! I quickly rummaged through the drawer and found a pretty watch which clearly no longer worked. It had an expanding metal band however so I could slide it onto my wrist for show and that would have to do. I left my own watch next to my clothes and would collect them when I got back.

Once more I realised I had forgotten something. I had a wallet, mobile phone and set of keys to carry, and no pockets to place them in. I needed a bag. In the wardrobe there was a range of them of course and I smiled when I saw one that I recognised. Mum had given Susan it as a present last Christmas and it was all Susan could do to look grateful. It was extremely old fashioned and two tone beige, giving it all of the style of the 1970s and Susan had whispered to me on the day that she would never leave her house with it! I felt less guilty borrowing it and thought it might even get Susan some “brownie points” if mum recognised it.

Damn, I don’t have time for this, I realised as I stuffed my personal items into the bag and took a deep breath. I need to get a move on. I closed the bedroom door and made my way to the alarm box. Making sure I had all I needed and having one last check of myself in the mirror. The image restored a little of my confidence. I DID look feminine. This WAS going to work. As long as I got to the Care Home before visiting stopped, I could make this work. I turned the alarm back on and stepped out of the door, locking it securely behind me.

That’s when reality hit me. I was now on the pavement of a public street in a big city dressed as a woman. I didn’t have the option to go back into the house – I needed to get to Niaroo Care Home as soon as possible and time was ticking. I remembered my favourite comedy film, Some Like It Hot, where Tony Curtis and Jack Lemon masqueraded as Josephine and Daphne to avoid the Mob who were out to kill them and a whispered to myself “Come along, Daphne, you can do this” as I made my short stride steps down the pavement, one foot in front of the other in my best attempt at a feminine gait. There was no going back now.

It was early evening and still daylight so I could be seen by all passers by but nobody screamed, nobody was laughing or pointing at me. In fact, nobody seemed to give me a second glance which came as a huge relief. Even so, I was beginning to regret my decision to pretend to be my sister. What if mum had calmed down and was in a better mental state tonight and remembered her daughter was away on holiday and would have been happy to see her son instead? Was all of this charade strictly necessary?!

I reached the Care Home at 5 past the hour. It took longer walking in heels than I expected but I was genuinely relieved to have reached it while at the same time terrified than in the next few minutes I might be exposed by my mother or worse still rejected as some stranger and cause more stress than I was trying to eliminate from her life.

“Can I help you?” the girl at the reception desk said. I smiled weakly. “Hi Moira – its Angus Aird here to see my mum.” She frowned and stared at me. “Angus? Em . . I . . didn’t know . . .” I interrupted her and said “Last night she was stressed asking for Susan to come visit, so I thought I would try and look like my sister and maybe fool her into relaxing . . . I know it sounds kind of stupid now I talk about it. . . .” She smiled and said “Worth giving it a go. I’m told your mum was asking for your sister all day so let’s see if you are right!” I signed the visitor sheet as usual and nodded as I headed for mum’s room.

My heart was now beating like a humming bird’s wings and I took a long deep breath before knocking on the door and opening it. In my best impersonation of my sibling I greeted my mother. “Hi Mum, its only me! How are you?”

Her eyes looked at me and a saw a slight frown. “Susan? Susan is that you?” she asked and I smiled and said “Of course it is. Haven’t been in for a couple of days but I’m here now. Oh, I shortened my hair yesterday – I know you always said I would suit it shorter – how do you like it?” I said, giving her the full side to side pose to show off my locks. “Malcolm and the kids say it makes me look younger!” The frown remained in place as mum replied “Its nice dear, it certainly makes you look . . . well, a little different.”

I decided to move in so I sat down in the chair next to her and took her hand in mine. “Anyway, I’m here now. So how are you? Are you still playing whist with your friends in the afternoons? You were telling me you enjoyed that the other day! What’s their names again – Angela and Maureen isn’t it?” Mum seemed to relax and nodded “Aye, Agnes and Maureen. They’re staying here too, you know. We play whist in the afternoon some times.” I gave her hand a squeeze “That sounds good fun – its nice to have friends you can chat with, isn’t it?” She nodded but seemed to have nothing more to say on the topic.

I had prepared for the eventuality of having to make all the conversation – it was what I did as Angus anytime I visited, but tonight I knew I had to convince as my sister. I decided to go all in with tales of her grandchildren which was always a topic she liked hearing about. “I meant to tell you Alice and Jack send their love – I’ll bring them in to see you when they are free. You know what they are like! Alice has started training as a cheer leader for the School sports teams – we’re getting so like America these days! Because she goes to her dance classes the school asked her to get involved so she can show the other girls what they need to do to get fit and flexible. Remember when she was in that school concert when they did the musical Cats and she was in that outfit with the tail and everything?”

Mum frowned as she recalled a cat suit and she said “Yes. . . I think so . . .” I squeezed her hand. “That’s right we were all there, Malcolm, Angus, Jack and yourself – we got a seat near the front so we could see better, remember? Right next to the orchestra so we were nearly deaf from the music?” Mum appeared to remember something about that but said nothing as I ploughed on. “Well, she’s still loving her dancing and is talking about applying for a stage school once she has finished her exams, so she can train and maybe get work on the West End Theatre circuit in London!”

Mum’s face showed little recognition of what I was saying but she was calm and was gripping my hand which I took as a sign of acceptance and smiled to myself. So far so good.

I changed the subject of the talk to my nephew Jack and talked about his interests and activities which mum might have remembered for about 10 minutes and then changed to talking about Malcolm – my alleged husband of 20 years I talked about how his work was keeping him busy, how he was still golfing every Sunday and how he was planning on taking the family on a holiday to Lake Como in Italy since one of the partners at his law firm had a time share there and had a slot available for our use.

Mum participated with some one word responses or the occasional smile and nod but wasn’t coming up with anything of her own. I knew of course that, just like people in hospital or prison, residents in care homes tended to do the same thing every day since they were to all intent and purpose captives within their four walls. The last thing I wanted was silence – I needed to keep my focus on fooling my mother and maintaining my Susan persona. I had never realised how hard it was to keep talking for such a long time and realised a new admiration for lecturers and stand up comedians.

“So Angus told me he was in to see you last night” I said looking for a reaction and mum nodded and said “uh huh” so I launched in. “He was telling me he is doing well with his job at the moment, he’s got a new contract to do displays in House of Fraser and Marks and Spencer’s so that’s good, isn’t it?” I didn’t want her to worry about my failing career and hoped the familiar names of major retailers would filter through so that she would be reassured on some level but again there was no real reaction. “He probably told you all about it last night, did he?” I asked and she just said “yes” with a blank expression which made me feel rather sad for her. She was just reacting to what was being said to her like an automaton – not really understanding what was being said enough to make meaningful conversation.

I went back to Susan stories to reinforce my presence. “So I was looking through some old photo albums last night and I found the pictures from when you and dad took me to Brownie camp in West Linton because I was scared to go in the bus with the other girls, remember? I was stood at the camp gate gripping dad’s hand like I didn’t want to let go and you standing there in your green jump suit – remember? Must have got someone else to take that picture – Angus wasn’t there because he was away with the swimming club that day.”

I hoped my words were reaching mum even though there was no obvious reaction to my stories or the images I was trying to recreate for her but she was at least relaxed and nodded and smiled every now and then at my lengthy stand up routine.

I was about to launch into another photo from the past when there was a knock on the door and Moira stepped in. “I’m sorry, its 8pm and visiting is officially over.” I checked my watch. I had been talking non stop for the past 50 plus minutes without a break. I smiled at Moira and said “Be right out” and she closed the door again.

“That’s me being kicked out, mum” I said as I looked her in the face and said “Take care of yourself and I’ll see you in a couple of days, OK?” Her face fell and she said “You’ll come again tomorrow, Susan?” and her grip on my hand tightened. I smiled and said “What about Angus? He’ll come tomorrow and then I can come the next night!” She shook her head “You’ll come again tomorrow, Susan?” she repeated and I sighed. “Em, OK, hopefully Malcolm can look after the kids again” I said as I reached for my handbag.

“Oh, mum, do you recognise this? It’s the handbag you gave me at Christmas, remember?” I held it out and she looked at it and said “Debenhams.” I laughed “That’s right, you said you got it for me in Debenhams. Its lovely . . . and so are you mum.” I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. “I love you mum” I said and then chuckled. “Oh I’ve left some lipstick on your cheek” and I dampened a paper tissue and used it to wipe her cheek, the way she used to wipe food from my face when I was young. The change from being cared for to being the carer became real to me at that moment and I felt my emotions rising. I grabbed my handbag and said “OK, Mum, see you tomorrow!”, blew her a kiss and left the room.

I felt my knees buckle a little and stood behind the door for a few seconds to compose myself before heading for the exit. Moira pushed the signing out form towards me. “Will we be seeing you again tomorrow night, Susan?” she asked and I sighed. “Afraid so. She’s a lot happier with my presence tonight than she was last night so until the real thing return at the weekend, I guess I’ll be dragging myself here!” Moira smiled at my attempt at humour and said “If its any comfort to you, you do look very convincing.” Then she put her hand on her mouth. “Oh sorry, I know you’re not female or gay or whatever . . I just mean. . . I’m sorry if I offended you!”
I smiled. “Its fine Moira, just a means to an end which should end at the weekend. I guess I can cope! See you tomorrow” and with that I walked out into the evening.

Chapter 3 – This could work, you know!

As I walked back from the Care Home the adrenalin that had built up all afternoon finally dissipated from my body and I realised my mouth was bone dry after the long monologue I had performed and the nerves I had endured. I needed a beer. I knew I was still at least 10 minutes from Susan’s house and another 10 before I got to my flat and I wasn’t sure I could wait for either.

Just then my attention was drawn to a sign above the venue on the corner of the road beside me. The Basement Bar. I knew the place well, or at least knew of it because I had never visited it before. It was known locally as a hang out for the LGBTQ community as it was close to student accommodation for the local University and was a safe haven for those still fluid in their sexuality. These may be changing times but not many pubs in Glasgow would be safe or comfortable for a man dressed as a woman to drink alone in. This Bar was the best available to me and my thirst only encouraged me further to enter the place where I could slake it.

Having been dressed as my sister for over an hour now I was feeling a little less self conscious as I pushed open the bar door and stepped in. I could see people seated around the room and a couple of people stood at the bar. A few eyes turned to look at me but didn’t seem to stare or linger longer than usual. I stepped up to the bar and the barmaid smiled and said “Hello. What can I get you?” I wanted a beer but for a moment I wondered if that was too manly an order. Did I really want to change to a white wine or a gin and tonic. I gathered up my Susan voice and said “A lager please” and watched as the girl took a tall glass and filled it with the cold golden liquid my mouth craved.

I thanked her for the drink and paid with some coins I had thrown into my handbag along with my wallet. Then I went and sat at a table with my back to the general crowd. I felt self conscious and didn’t want to sit where I could be seen or where I could see everyone else. I was there just to quench my thirst. I had my handbag on my lap when I felt someone approaching me. The footsteps came close to my back and then seemed to stop. I instantly regretted my decision to sit facing inwards and tensed myself for what was coming next.

There was the sound of someone bending down and in my peripheral vision I saw a hand reaching down to the ground. “Excuse me” a voice said “I think you dropped this?” I turned to look at who was speaking to me and saw the barmaid holding a small lacy handkerchief I didn’t recognise. I signed in relief and smiled. “Oh, thank you, dear. It must have slipped out when I was getting the money out my bag” I said and duly deposited it back inside.

She smiled and said “You’re welcome. At the Basement Bar, everyone is welcome.” She looked at my glass. “Are you ready for the rest of your pint?” I glanced down at my beer and was shocked to see half an inch remaining in the glass. My initial “sip” had clearly been a more manly gulp than I had intended. I nodded and said “please!” and she said “I’ll bring it right over. Lifting the glass to sup the remaining lager I smiled as I saw the lipstick smear I had left on the rim.

I gave the barmaid a note for the next beer and she brought back change. Table service was unusual in a Glasgow pub but then this was not your average Glasgow pub. I began to gain a little courage and confidence and started to look around at the décor of the place I had found sanctuary in. It was modern and yet traditional, spacious and yet cosy in atmosphere and although instead of images of male sporting heroes on the wall, there were stylised images of Lady Gaga, Madonna, Cher and Marlene Dietrich showing the venue’s gay credentials. I had noticed a Rainbow flag behind the bar and copies of “Out” magazine in a dispenser available for purchase.

The second glass of beer lasted longer than the first. For the first time since I had put on my skinny jeans and high heels I was feeling like myself again. I was relaxed. My decision to present as my sister at the Care Home seemed to have worked like I had hoped it would and despite the stress and apprehension I had felt, I actually enjoyed the visit. I realised I would have to work on a script for the following evening, although I also understood that whatever I said was likely to have little effect on my mum other than a soothing balm of a familiar voice.

I checked my watch to see what time it was, only to be met by the smile of a fixed ten to two reminding me the watch was purely for effect. I knew I needed to get on my way so I drained my glass and stood up to depart. The barmaid smiled and said “Thanks – come back anytime!” and I nodded and said “Thank you!” as I understood why so many LGBTQ people would make such a supportive and accepting place their local. I turned towards Susan’s house and walked along the pavement feeling the slight chill of the evening air. I made a mental note to find myself a little jacket to wear on my next night out.

At Susan’s house, I took off my heels and removed my wig before washing my face clean of the make up I had applied. I removed the jewellery I had worn and returned it to the box they had come from. Likewise I emptied the handbag and left it in the wardrobe where I knew I would retrieve it again tomorrow. I was going to leave the clothes at Susan’s house and wear them again but decided it might look better to have a different outfit on and I was sure there was more in my lockup that I could put on. So I changed into my Angus clothes and folded the female attire and placed it back into the bag they had come in. Then I secured the house once more and walked the remainder of the trip back to my flat.

I slept like a baby that night. The relief of having successfully impersonated my sister and placated my mum cheered me greatly and helped my body and mind relax in a way it hadn’t for some time. I woke late the next morning but my answering machine showed no missed calls and my e-mail inbox was still as empty as before. I decided today was not going to be spent chasing non-existent work. Instead, after a lat breakfast I wandered down to my lock up in search of a new outfit.

I was really just looking for a different coloured blouse but I couldn’t see anything that fitted correctly and then came across a body-con dress in red with a pair of red high heels and I chuckled to myself. That outfit is just SO Susan! She would wear that in an instant – in fact she probably had the same dress in her wardrobe. When I found the accompanying red jacket I started to think seriously about that evening. The jacket was cropped length but very stylish and I knew that, even if I decided not to wear it to the Care Home, I wanted to see myself wearing it.

Pantyhose were a staple of the manikin display package. White limbs were transformed with the application of a pair of 20 denier tights and helped set off any outfit. I had multiple packs in the lock up and grabbed one for my use before bringing the whole ensemble back to the flat.

My desire to see my reflection had be stripping off and putting on the dress as soon as I was back inside and my body tingled with excitement as I wriggled into the dress and admired my new look. Yes I could do with a slightly larger posterior to be completely believable but for this evening’s use, the outfit was beautiful and sufficiently Susan to have any memories in mum’s head rekindled by the image. I knew the beige handbag wouldn’t really go with the outfit but felt sure Susan would have a red handbag in her collection or at least a black one that I could use. I glanced at my fingernails and held them against the dress. Yes, the shade of red didn’t clash so I could keep the existing polish on. Maybe do a little repair work on a couple of nails later – I’m sure my hands would be steadier this time around.

First thing I wanted to do however was shave. My legs looked a little hairy through the tights and my arms were far too hairy with a dress that had only half sleeves. Mother’s eyesight may be fading but her hands could still feel and any hand on my arm or leg would reveal my true identity if I didn’t address the issue. I pondered buying a hair removal cream from the chemist but knew I was too well known there to avoid raised eyebrows from the sales staff so I went into the bath with my safety razors and shaving cream and prepared for a long and meticulous shaving session.

Once I had dried myself off I tried on the dress once again and pulled the tights up my now hairless legs. The sensation was incredible. The material of the dress against my smooth skin felt wonderful and the nylon against my legs was positively orgasmic. I found myself tenting my underpants and knew I couldn’t risk doing that later this evening so I hunted for the smallest underwear I had which could constrict me enough and keep me relatively smooth up front.

I glanced at the clock and gasped. It was 3pm already! I had been so immersed in how I looked in the red dress I had totally forgotten about eating lunch. In a few hours I would be back at the Care Home and I still needed to do my make up and get my jewellery and so forth. I would need to make sure I was at Susan’s earlier tonight so that I had more time to prepare and not be in the same rush as before. I would have changed at home but Susan had the make up and perfume I needed as well as the accessories I wanted to wear. I wondered if she had a nice broach I could put on the lapel of the jacket. It might set it off. Oh and I wonder if she had a choker necklace? The neckline of the dress would allow one – a nice gold one would suit beautifully.

I really wasn’t hungry so I just grabbed a granola bar and had it with a black coffee. My mind was too full of my preparations for the evening’s visiting at the Care Home and what I would wear. Once more I packed the holdall I had used the night before with the clothing and shoes, making sure they were not being crushed – I didn’t need to look like I had just slept in the outfit! Mum probably wouldn’t notice but the staff would and I would be mortified if they thought I wasn’t taking care f my appearance!

It was an hour earlier than the previous night when I left the flat and headed for Susan’s house. I was determined that I would not be stressed like I was 24hrs before. I was going to prepare calmly and thoroughly this time and arrive at the Care Home on time and in a calm demeanour this time around.

There was some mail on the doormat when I entered Susan’s house which I added to the pile in the lounge before heading for the bedroom where I emptied the holdall and hung the dress, and set out the red heeled shoes I would be wearing. I sat at the dresser and began to work on my make up. My brows looked a little bushier than they should be if I was to be truly feminine looking so I took a pair of tweezers and began plucking at the hairs. It was agony and my eyes watered, slowing the process, but I thought that the thinner line I had left looked far more authentic.

Once I had the make up completed I stared at my face and realised with a gasp that I had omitted a key ingredient the night before. Susan wore earrings and last night my ears were naked. I became frustrated. My ears were not pierced so there wasn’t a way I could wear any of my sister’s collection. Then I remembered my niece had begged her mum to let her pierce her ears from an early age and she had relented until she was nearly 12. I am sure she compromised by letting her wear clip-ons for a while. I got up and headed for Alice’s bedroom.

Alice’s room was that I would expect of a typical teenage girl. Lots of make up, jewellery and fashion clothing and a choice of shoe style that would rival her mother. Girls mature quicker than boys of course and are far more aware of their appearance at 12 than boys are at 16 – or at least they were when I was that age! Alice was what, 14? 15 now? I couldn’t remember but she was a young woman and I only hoped she hadn’t thrown out her old jewellery from her younger years.

Thankfully, Alice is a hoarder like her mother. At the back of a drawer was an old jewellery box with bright coloured bangles and hair clasps as well as a selection of clip on earrings. I pulled through them looking for something that was adult looking and found a pair in a small plastic bag. They appeared to have been bought shortly before she had pierced her ears because there was no sign of wear – they retained functioning clasps and were in excellent condition.

I opened the packaging and held them up. The clasps were hidden by a cubic zirconia stone beneath which hung gold coloured teardrop earrings with tiny faux diamonds around the base. They were cute and when I put them on and felt them gently tugging on my lobes, I fell in love with them. I placed the empty bag back in the jewellery box and returned it to the back of the drawer it had come from. A glance at Alice’s bedside showed me that I was only an hour from when I needed to be at the Care Home and so I returned to Susan’s room to complete my make over.

I took the same watch as the day before and placed it on my wrist, added the bangle and ring I had also worn and then set about looking for a chain for my neck. Susan didn’t have a gold one but I remembered seeing one in Alice’s collection so I went back through there and borrowed it. Being made you’re a young girl it was small enough to act as a choker chain on my neck and once I put on my dress I realised it looked perfect on me.

I touched up my nails and then secured my wig in place and brushed it until I was happy with my appearance. Actually, I was more than happy with my appearance. I was loving my appearance. I felt vibrant, attractive, stylish, desirable – the very things I had never really been as Angus. It was a revelation to me that I could look this feminine. I had worked with female orientated retail outlets over the years but that was work, that was me showing my talents at presentation and design. It could have been any product in the window – and in many cases it was unrelated to fashion. The reflection in the mirror was changing how I perceived myself and it was a strange feeling.

I went to the wardrobe to look for a red handbag and my eyes caught the beige one from the night before. I remembered how mum reacted to it with recognition when I told her it was the one she had bought. She remembered the store she had got it from. That was one of the few positive moments from my time with her during visiting hour. I held it against my red outfit and turned from side to side. It wasn’t perfect, but it didn’t look so far out of place that it couldn’t be used. I decided its merits as a memory for mum outweighed its colour and I opened it up and dropped my personal items inside as before.

A glance at the clock and I realised I needed to get going so I spritzed some perfume on myself once more and made for the front door. Damn, I was going to find a broach for the jacket lapel, I remembered as I caught my reflection in the hall mirror. I was about to head back but stopped myself. “Tonight you are going to be calm and on time, Daphne” I told myself with a smile as I reset the alarm and locked the front door behind me.

Chapter 4 – And it was all going so well, too . . .

This evening as I walked along the pavement I did see some people react to my appearance but it was all positive. A couple of young girls looked at my ensemble with genuine admiration while a man ogled me for longer than he should have and was rewarded with a thump on the arm from his wife who had clearly noticed. I wondered it I wasn’t a little overdressed for the Care Home but I knew Susan was rarely underdressed and I was maintaining an appropriate presentation as my sister.

It was 5 minutes to the hour when I arrived at Niaroo Care Home and a number of other visitors were sat in the lobby awaiting the instruction of the staff. Moira saw me approaching the front desk and said “Good evening, Susan. That’s a lovely outfit!” as she passed me the form to sign. “Thanks!” I replied with a smile. “Its one mum liked on me so hopefully it will trigger a memory” I said. “Just take a seat, we’re running a little late I’m afraid” she added and so I went over to an empty chair and sat down, keeping my legs tucked behind and to the side with knees firmly together.

Sitting there amongst the other visitors, I kept my hands clasped together on my lap, my handbag on the floor and I casually surveyed the room. Nobody was giving me a second look, nobody was sniggering or looking shocked. I was passing for a female – a fact that 48hrs ago would have been impossible for me to contemplate. What also surprised me was how comfortable I was in this guise. Yesterday I had been nervous and anxious and I had found solace in alcohol in a gay bar where I had felt safe. But after that experience and the realisation that I was no freak show to be publicly ridiculed I had become a different person. It was someone I was rather fond of, too.

“OK, folks, thanks for your patience – visiting is now open” Moira called out and we all rose to our feet and headed to our respective relations. I knocked the door with new confidence and called out “Hi Mum, I’m back again!” as I entered the room and saw my mother sitting up in bed. “Susan!” she called out with a smile and held out her arms for me to hug her.

Her hold was weak and she felt like a bag of bones in my arms but it was still mum and that was enough. “I was at a meeting this afternoon and haven’t had time to change so I’m a little more formal that usual tonight” I said as I gave her a twirl before sitting on the bed next to her. “So how are you feeling today?” I asked expecting nothing in return.

“Bit better” she mumbled with a nod. I was pleasantly surprised with a meaningful response when I had next to nothing the night before. “You’re looking perkier, mum” I said as I smiled at her and added “you’re still eating OK I hope?” He gave a slow nod and said “chicken today” and I grabbed her hand and squeezed it. “That’s good, mum. You need to keep the body fuelled up or it won’t work properly!”

I decided to start giving her the news from the family – all fake or old of course but hopefully she would take pleasure from hearing her grandchildren’s names and positive feedback about both. “Alice had a piano exam the other day and that’s her passed Grade 7 now so she’s into the advanced section now. We were in the Princes Square Shopping Centre the other weekend and they have a piano in the lobby open for visitors to use and of course Alice decides to sit down and do a classical piece she knows off by heart. To be fair she did it really well, but she attracted a crowd all looking over the balconies at her and some folk were filming her on their phones and when she finished there was a huge round of applause. You know Alice - she bowed like she had been giving a gala performance, and then slowly walked away as if she was waiting for them to call for more! She’s quite the diva. Don’t know who she gets that from!”

Mum smiled and a scrawny finger pointed at me.

I opened my mouth in fake shock and said “Me? Mum, I was a perfect child and didn’t throw a strop once!” There was a throaty grunt from mum which must have been a laugh trying to get out and I thought I saw a twinkle in her eyes that had been missing for a while. “Well, there WAS that time on the beach when Angus’s sand castle got knocked over because it was way better than mine but that was more because he hadn’t put good foundations in and the wind could have blown it over. I just helped it do that!”

Once again Mum’s face brightened and I realised my words were reaching their destination so I continued to bring up stories from my childhood, just told from my sister’s point of view. Each one seemed to be appreciated which made me feel much happier than I had expected to be. I changed the tack to current times and told stories about Jack and how he was getting on at school and then funny stories from when he was little and when he was being baby sat by my parents. Mum always had a soft spot for Jack who used to try and play her with his doe eyes and fake remorse for things he had done. Mum and Dad knew his ploy of course and would play him at his own game, threatening all forms of punishment they knew they could never inflict.

Once again, Moira had to come to the door to remind me it was time to leave. The hour had passed at twice the speed of the previous evening and I was genuinely happy to have spent the time with mum and find her in an improved condition. “I’d better be heading” I told her with a kiss on her cheek. “I think Angus wants to come see you tomorrow so I’ll see you in a couple of days time, OK?” I added. Mum’s face fell. “Susan, come again tomorrow. Please” she said in barely a whisper. I sighed deeply. Could I drum up enough material to give another hour long monologue as my sister?

I looked at mum and she repeated “Please, Susan” so I went up to her and hugged her and kissed her once more. “OK, mum. I’ll tell Angus he can come later.” Her face brightened and she nodded. “Uh huh” she said and added “Nice dress” as I slipped on the jacket and grabbed the handbag. “Love you mum. See you tomorrow” I said as I blew a kiss and walked out of the room.

I went to check out with Moira and she smiled and said “Your Mum was better today than she has been for a while”. I returned the smile “I noticed! She was a bit distant yesterday but was more communicative tonight.” Moira lowered her voice as she said “She’s enjoying your visits, Susan “ and I nodded. “She wants me back tomorrow so I guess one more performance and then the real deal will be here to take my place!” I said as I signed the form. Other visitors were waiting to do the same so I just said goodbye to Moira and made my way outside.

I was feeling wonderful as I began walking back to Susan’s house. Mum had seemed brighter and more engaged in our conversations and less wandered in her mental capacity. My presenting as Susan had not been detected by mum and I seemed to be passing acceptably in the general population too which was nice because I was feeling really good about the way I looked. The feeling of the soft fabric against my body, the sheet tights against my hairless legs, and the smart, stylish dress and jacket combo gave me a self confidence I had been lacking recently as my career crumbled around me.

I was feeling so good I decided I would treat myself with a drink at The Basement Bar on my way home and this time I would sit facing outwards so that I could see and be seen. I didn’t feel there was any reason for me to hide myself from view – especially in a venue which was a haven for the LGBTQ community in the city. I was reminded of the theme song for the TV show Cheers “Where everybody knows your name, and they’re always glad you came. . “ I smiled. That sounded like my kind of bar.

The Basement Bar is a misnomer because it is all on the ground floor at the corner of a major junction so I stood at the street opposite and pressed the pedestrian crossing button and waited for the green light to tell me it was safe to cross. Evening was gradually becoming night and I could see the reflection of the traffic lights changing from green to amber and I prepared myself to step out when my light turned green.

For a split second I felt the strap on my handbag loosen and then there was an almighty tug which nearly pulled me off my feet. “Gee’z yer handbag!!” the young man shouted aggressively as he pushed me aside and yanked at the strap. Somehow, I had managed to catch hold of it as he was pulling it from my arm and so now we were in a tug of war situation. “Gee’z it before I hurt ye !” the thug shouted as he prepared to kick me with his metal toed boots. The initial shock I had felt had now turned into anger and outrage. “Leave that alone, you scumbag!” I shouted back at him as I tugged as best I could.

For a second his face froze and then it turned into a sneer. “Christ, you’re a faggot? A feckin’ Trannie are you? Gee’z the handbag, ya poofter!!” he spat at me as he swung a boot that connected with my shin. I automatically shrunk down as the pain weakened my stance and at that second he unleashed a punch that went straight to my stomach and made me double over in pain. Another punch then hit me on the side of the face and I felt my grip on my handbag go.

Strangely, the thug remained standing over me, clearly seeing my defence was now over. “Maybe I’ll break yer pretty little nose for you, sweetheart?” he taunted and he lifted my face by the chin and prepared to land the final haymaker. At that very moment however I heard a voice from behind me shout “Leave her alone, your scummer!” and a fist flew into my attacker’s face with a second following shortly after smacking his jaw from the other side.

The attacker must have realised his mistake lingering around because he immediately turned around clutching my handbag and went to run away. However, he had forgotten he was at a major road junction. There was a loud car horn and squealing of brakes and a loudly shouted expletive a split second before car hit body and my attacker was thrown into the air. He fell around 15 feet from the point of impact which, although at a relatively slow speed, was enough to injure him.

As car drivers started to emerge from their vehicles the thug stumbled to his feet and with a very distinct limp and one arm holding his other shoulder he scuttled off as fast as possible shouting obscenities as he went.

My boxing good Samaritan leaned down and said to me “Are you alright, pet? Do you want me to call an ambulance or the Police?” To my surprise she was a rather pretty woman probably only a year or two younger than myself. I shook my head. “I’m just winded. There’s nothing broken. I’ll be alright.” She looked up and said “Wait a moment, stay where you are OK, I’ll be back in a moment.” I could hear the car drivers talking to each other and then the woman was back at my side. “Is this your handbag, pet? He dropped it in the road when he got hit.” I nodded and said “Thank you!” pleased to have my mobile and wallet back in my possession and the all important keys to my sister’s house.

“Is she OK? Is there anything I can do?” said a man’s voice to my side. My saviour answered for me “She’s just shaken up, thanks. I’ll look after her. She’s got her bag back so there’s nothing for the Police to retrieve.” The man put a hand on my shoulder and said “I hope you’re OK, pet. Looks like that thug suffered more than you!” I nodded and gave a small wave of thanks as he got back into his car and resumed his journey.

The shock of the incident began wearing off at that moment and the pain in my stomach and leg became more obvious. My face felt sore too and I suddenly felt vulnerable and a little stupid for being in the position I found myself. Tears welled in my eyes and began to roll down my cheek and my body shivered.

“Do you think you can walk, sweetheart?” the girl asked and I nodded as I tried to straighten myself up. “Well, lets get you across the road and we can clean you up and maybe have a little drink to ease your nerves.” She put an arm around me and helped me back onto my feet while acting as a support I could lean into. I heard the sound of the pedestrian crossing and she said “Come on, we’re good to cross. That’s it, take your time” and I slowly made my way over to the other side of the street.

“What happened? I heard a car hitting something?” said a voice ahead of me but I was still looking at the pavement making sure my feet were still supporting me. “Some jerk tried to take her handbag and when he tried to run off he stepped in front of the car. Think he dislocated his shoulder, the turd – I hope it hurts” my assistant growled and then continued “Thankfully he dropped her bag so he only got pain for his efforts.” The voice said “Bring her in and we can patch her up in private.”

I realised I knew the voice from last night. It was the barmaid at The Basement Bar, and just as the penny dropped she said “Come on, sweetheart, lets get you to the ladies and see what’s needed.”

Still on the arm of my saviour I stumbled through the bar heading towards the bathrooms. The bar was silent as though there was nobody in but the barmaid called out “she was attacked outside for her handbag but the scum got away with nothing but a dislocated shoulder an some nasty bruising for his efforts. hell mend him. Get on with your evening – Anna can serve you while I deal with our friend here.”

With that, I was helped into the ladies toilets and sat on a chair in front of the mirror. Thankfully there was nobody else inside. The barmaid sat down next to me and held my hand. “Hello again! My name’s Jo. I’m the manager here. I’m really sorry this has happened to you. Are you injured or needing anything? Is there someone I can call for you?” I took a deep breath and lifted my head so that I could look her in the face and I gave her a weak smile. “I think I’ll live, thanks. Nothing’s broken – he gave me a kick in the shin and punched my body and face but I think all my teeth are still in place.” Then I turned looking for my good Samaritan and saw her standing behind me. “All thank’s to this good lady – but for her he was going to break my nose and do goodness knows what damage to me!” I looked her in the face and said “I can’t thank you enough.”

Jo replied “You were lucky that Kelly was on her way here! She’s got the best fists of all of us, isn’t that right babe?” Kelly smiled broadly and nodded. “When I was younger I was semi professional but decided I didn’t want to be a fighter. A defender, yes, but not a fighter. Lets have a look at that shin of yours.”

Jo and Kelly gently lifted my left leg and shook their heads. “Ruined a perfectly nice pair of tights, the swine” Jo said “I’ve got a spare pair in the office I’ll go get for you.” Kelly ripped the torn leg wide so that she could reach the scene of the impact. There was a slight cut and a lump was forming with the start of bruising which I knew would only get worse. “Let me dab that so that there’s no grit getting in” she said as she moistened a cotton wool ball and gently cleaned around the cut.

The door opened and Jo was back with a flesh coloured plaster and a replacement pair of tights. I was helped to my feet so that I could lift up my dress and pull down the damaged tights and replace them with the new pair. Then I was sat back down and told to keep my head up and take long deep breaths to calm me down. While I did, Kelly washed my face clean of my make up which had been ruined by my tears and the impact of a fist. From her own handbag she pulled out a small tube of foundation cream and applied it, then some eye shadow and a mascara brush to restore my eyes.

“Do you have your own lippy with you, sweetheart” she asked me and immediately added “Sorry, we’ve totally forgotten to get your name babe!” I stammered “Its Angus” but I was misheard and Kelly smiled and said “Hi Agnes, shame we had to meet under such circumstances but have you brought your lippy along tonight?” I shook my head. “No. I wasn’t expecting to need it” I mumbled and she nodded. “No worries, you can have a dab of mine – its about the same tone anyway. Pucker up for me?”

I felt her apply the lipstick and then I rubbed my lips together and saw my new friends smile. “There, you’re looking more like yourself again, Agnes! How’s your stomach – do you want a pain killer or would a whisky work better?” I smiled and said “I think a double would be in order, but only if I can but you both one too for all you’ve done for me.” Jo and Kelly looked at each other and smiled. “Very well, if it makes you feel better. Are you fit to head back next door?” I nodded and said “Yea, thanks again girls!” Jo squeezed my hand and said “We’re a band of sisters in here, Agnes, one for all and all for one. Welcome to the sisterhood!”

Chapter 5 – A rose by any other name . .

Sitting at the table with my new friends Joe and Kelly told me they had both seen me the night before and I explained that I was visiting my mother in a local care home and just dropped in on my way home on a spur of the minute decision. “So you’re relatively local then?” Jo asked and I replied “About a 15 minute walk” She smiled “Close enough for you to drop in and see us on a regular basis then! We’re a supporting community here, and we have each others backs. Any of the girls here have any problems the rest of us band together to find the solution.”

I gave a small smile and leaned in towards them while I lowered my voice. “The thing is, I’m not actually a female.” Jo looked at Kelly and she bit her bottom lip as if suppressing a laugh. Jo leaned further towards me, took my hand and whispered “Nobody at the table is, Agnes. In fact, there’s only one real female in at the moment and she’s behind the bar and waiting for her girlfriend to arrive later so they can go and have some fun with a double ender.” She gave me a wink and squeezed my hand. “Doesn’t make us a bad person – quite the opposite to my mind! Now, this next round is on the house!”

Over the next whisky I unburdened myself by telling Jo and Kelly how my mother was calling for my sister and I had chosen to go en-femme in order to ease her stress. Kelly watched me closely and leaned over and said “You are far too beautiful to live as a man, Agnes.” I blushed and then said “Actually, I’m not called Agnes – I’m actually Angus. I . . hadn’t considered a female name for my current creation. I was expecting my sister to return at the weekend and for me to go back to being male 24/7.”

Jo and Kelly leaned back in their seats with a shocked expression. “Oh no!” Jo exclaimed. “No no no. And throw away this beautiful new you?! That would be a criminal waste!” Kelly leaned towards me and said “You must call yourself something when you are wearing female clothing, surely?” I frowned and said “Well, because I was pretending to be my sister I called myself Susan when asked but I can’t have the same name as my sister!” Then I chuckled “I talked to myself as Daphne – like Jack Lemmon’s character in Some Like It Hot?” Jo and Kelly looked blankly at me. “That film portrays cross dressers as items of ridicule” Jo said with a disapproving tone and then smiled and said “But it’s a hoot isn’t it? I dream of finding a rich old millionaire with a yacht who wants to shower me in diamonds!” We all chuckled together.

Another round of whisky arrived – this time paid for by Kelly’s tab behind the bar. “So we still need a name for you, if you’re not Agnes” Kelly stated. “How about Margo? Or Yvonne? There must be some name that has relevance with you?” I laughed and said “This outfit I got from a job I did at Long Tall Sally when they were closing down in the city.” Jo and Kelly looked at each other and smiled. “Sally it is !” Jo said and then stood up and called out across the bar “Friends – your attention please. She has had a very traumatic evening and hopefully that was the last one she will ever endure but can you please give a big Basement Bar welcome to our newest friend Sally !”

My face burned with embarrassment as the dozen or so people in the bar stood and raised their glasses and called out together “Welcome to the sisterhood, Sally!” I smiled and called out “Thank you! Cheers!” and took a sip of my own drink in unity with them. Embarrassing though it felt, I was also playing an episode of Cheers in my head where I walked through the door of the bar with Ted Danson standing behind polishing a glass and I would say “evening everyone” and they all shouted to a man “Sally!” and that felt like I belonged.

Joe popped back to the bar every now and then to help when the bar got a little busier and I found myself chatting to Kelly one on one. The more I did, the more I found myself feeling a real connection with her. She was clever, more educated and worldly wise than you would expect from her appearance. She was funny – her way with words indicated she liked to read and not just Mills & Boon romantic nonsense. What I got from her more than all that was compassion – dare I say love? She was someone who genuinely cared about people and the longer I sat in her company the more relaxed and happy I felt.

Jo rejoined us with another whisky on the house and after some more general chit chat I looked at my watch – only to remind myself it was not ten to two so I looked behind the bar and saw the clock. It was 10.45pm. Almost three hours since the handbag incident I was still in the bar. I should have been back at Susan’s getting changed into my male clothes! I went to stand up and realised I was a little unsteady on my legs – especially in 3 inch heels. Jo looked at me and said “Are you heading for the loo, Sally?” and I shook my head. “I had better head home – its been an eventful evening and I should really try to be available for work tomorrow if any crops up!”

Jo looked at Kelly and she nodded. “Come on then, why don’t I call us a taxi and get you back home.” I gave her my address and she made a call on her mobile. “They’ll be here in 5 minutes” she reported and so I started saying my good nights and thanks to Jo and her for what they had done for me that evening and how I would never be able to repay them. I was beginning to regret drinking on an empty stomach. Jo gave me a huge hug and kissed me on the cheek. “Remember, you’re officially part of the sisterhood now” she said with a smile. “Come and see us as often as you want, you will always be made welcome here and you will always be safe here, Sally.”

“That’s the taxi” Kelly called and took my arm. “Come on, let’s get you back home to your own bed!” I was beginning to feel the effects of the whiskies making me unsteady on my feet and was grateful for the help of my new friend. She opened the taxi door and helped me in and then said “Slide over a little – I’m coming too!” I looked at her and frowned and she laughed and said “I want to make sure you make it to your bed, Sally! I didn’t rescue you to have you sleep in a ditch! Head on driver!”

The taxi headed off and I went into a kind of drunken haze for the journey. I could hear Kelly chatting with the driver but wasn’t listening to what was being said. I was just fanaticizing about sleeping in my big comfortable bed. Weariness was creeping over me and I was struggling to fight it.

“Here we are” the driver called out and I recognised the flat outside my window. Kelly opened the taxi door and helped me out and walked me over to my front door. Automatically I opened my handbag and then paused. “What’s wrong?” Kelly asked and I said “My keys are at Susan’s house! I went there before I went to the Care Home.” Fortunately I retained just enough mental capacity to remember my safety net. “Kelly? I’ve got a key hidden under a flower pot!” She sighed and said “Great, which one?” and I paused and replied “Can’t remember!”

She laughed and said “OK, you sit down on the top step and keep a hold of the railing so you don’t fall over. I’ll go hunt!”

Fortunately she found it on the third attempt and successfully opened the front door and got me inside. She poured me a large glass of water and told me to drink it because I would feel the benefit in the morning and I did so, giggling that I would be peeing all night as a result. Then I looked out the window and frowned. “Kelly? The taxi is still outside!” She nodded and said “He’s my brother. He’ll take me home after I’ve got you settled. I smiled and said “You’re really my guardian angel aren’t you, Kelly?”

She smiled and said “It’s my pleasure!” I had a moment of clarity and walked up to her. “Seriously. If it hadn’t been for you, I could have been in the Infirmary tonight. You’re a very special lady, Kelly. I can’t thank you enough.”

For a second we gazed into each other’s eyes and then we got closer and we kissed.

It was the first time I had kissed lipstick covered lips while wearing lipstick myself and somehow that made it all the more special. We parted and looked at each other and our shocked expressions changed to smiles as we wrapped arms around each other and kissed for even longer.

When we parted the next time I began giggling. I was doing something crazy kissing another man while we were both dressed as women and yet I didn’t see Kelly as a man – Kelly was a woman, just as Jo was a woman. I didn’t know them any other way. It was only me who was the masquerade. “OK, Sally, come on, where’s your bedroom?” Kelly asked me and for a second I wondered what her intentions were. As if reading my mind she said “You, young lady, are going to bed and I am going home happy in the knowledge that you are securely tucked up and sleeping off several large doses of The Famous Grouse!”

A minute later I was standing in my bedroom with Kelly unzipping my dress and helping remove my necklace. While I stepped out of the dress, she went into the bathroom and returned with a wet face cloth. “Always take off the warpaint before bed, Sally. Washing make up off a pillow is a nightmare, trust me!. I fumbled to unclasp my bra and Kelly said “Let me” and unhooked it in a second. “years of practice, darling” she said “You’ll get better at it! You’ll see” and she pulled back my quilt.

“In you get. I’ll slip a towel under you just in case you can’t get to the loo in time overnight. Better a soggy towel than a soggy mattress!”

With the covers thrown back over my body I found myself seconds away from sleep and I looked up at Kelly smiling down at me. “I’ll see myself out” she said and then added “I’m so happy to meet you Sally. Sleep tight” and she leaned down and kissed me. I must have been asleep before she left the house because I didn’t hear her close the door and drive away.

I managed to get to the loo in time around 3am when my full bladder woke me and I managed to get back to my bed where I fell fast asleep once more and only work up at 10am to the sound of my phone ringing. I let it go to answering machine because I guessed – correctly as it turned out – that it would be pfishing sales call from some phoney call centre in Asia.

I was feeling a little fuzzy at the edges but found myself smiling. I had thoroughly enjoyed my night in the Bar – it had been a long time since I had last spent a night in good company. Jo had been a brick, providing a solid, no nonsense support. I realised I owed her a pair of tights and would need to pick up a pair and drop them in to her later. Then there was Kelly. She had fought off my attacker when he was about to deliver the coup-de-gras blows and had been at my side from that moment, tending my injuries, restoring my dignity and then at the end of the night she took it on herself to see me safely home and even put me in my bed. I needed to thank her for all she did.

My phone rang again and the display showed a local phone number so I decided I would answer. “Good Morning Aird Displays, Angus Aird speaking how can I help you” There was a pause and then a sigh and a voice I recognised said “Well, you’re alive and sound perky enough! Its Kelly, just checking on you since you were a bit ropey when I saw you last.”

I sighed and smiled. In my softer voice I had been using the night before I said “Well hello, Kelly! I’m a lot better than I feared this morning and apart from a stiff jaw and some light bruising, I hope I said it last night but I am so grateful for what you did for me last night – I will be eternally grateful to you for saving my neck!” The voice replied “ocht you would have done the same for me in the circumstances. What matters is that you are OK and there are no lasting injuries. Will we see you later, Sally?”

I paused to think and then replied “Yes, I will pop in to thank Jo and you in person. I need to make another visit to mum as Susan so I should be there just after 8 and this time I’ll keep an eye out for potential threats! Stranger-Danger is something I never considered before last night!” “Comes with the territory when you’re in a skirt and heels, I’m afraid” Kelly responded. “Look forward to seeing you tonight, Sally. Have a lovely day!” I smiled “And you Kelly, take care.” There was a sound from the other end of the line before it went dead. It sounded like a kiss.

As I put down the phone I found myself smiling again. What was it about interacting with this person that made me so happy? I realised it was a question I couldn’t answer definitively and time was ticking along. I needed to go up to Susan’s a retrieve my male outfit from the day before along with my house keys, and then come back and decide what I am going to wear to the Care Home this evening. I am sure mum would not notice if I wore the same outfit twice but the staff at Niaroo would!

I poured myself a large bowl of cereal as I was now hungry despite my slight hangover, and washed it down with a mug of tea before getting dressed into a pair of “work” trousers and shirt. As I did I saw the red outfit I had worn hanging neatly in the closet. I smiled. Kelly must have put it there after I undressed for bed last night as I had no memory of doing it and would probably have been unable to in my drunken state.

The fresh air of the outdoors came as relief as I emerged from the house and started walking back to Susan’s. It was going to be a warm day, I thought, before realising it was after 11 in the morning and would soon be midday! I needed to get a move on if I was going to be back at Susan’s for make up and dress up before visiting hour. I made a mental note to eat a meal around 3pm so that there was something in my stomach before I went to The Basement Bar in case I lingered longer than planned.

Grabbing my normal clothes and my keys made me feel good. I was getting control back over the situation I was in. Hopefully Susan would be back in a day or two and in the meantime mum would agree to seeing Angus and I could stop running around with woman’s clothing and make-up on. As I thought about it though, I felt a slight pang of regret. I had thought I looked cute in the skinny jeans and ankle boots and last night’s dress and jacket combo felt incredible on and made me look rather elegant.

Barely realising I was doing so, I walked over to the mirror doors of Susan’s built in wardrobe and pulled it open. My eyes feasted on a display of formal and informal wear in a range of styles, colours and fabrics – the best of which were protected in see-through garment bags. I allowed my hand to touch them and enjoy the softness and delicacy of their material. There was a beautiful little back number with spaghetti straps and I pulled it out and held it up against me so that I could see the reflection in the mirror. Something within me wanted to wear it with four inch stiletto heels and a black clutch bag. I could feel my heart beat faster at the thought.

I slid the outfit back onto the rack and closed the door before taking a few deep breaths. “Calm down, Daphne. You haven’t got the rack for a neckline like that!” I thought with a wry grin. I came to my senses again and looked at my watch, realising that I had slipped on Susan’s old broken timepiece that morning. I didn’t have time for playing “Say Yes To The Dress” – I needed to go home and find something to wear, grab some food and then head back here for my new nightly changeover. I needed to stay focussed!

The hall clock told me it was 12.30pm so I sighed with relief. I still had time to get organised. Just then I caught my reflection in the hall mirror. My punch on the jaw had indeed left its mark and the bruising was getting more and more obvious. Just another hurdle I would need to cross later this afternoon. Perhaps I could find a YouTube Video on how to cover facial blemishes with makeup that would mention where you were punched by a handbag thief! Knowing the on-line forums, there was bound to be a site for such an occasion.

I headed straight for the lock up to pick up a pack of tights so that I could give them to Jo later and then hunted for another suitable outfit. Bagged up at the back of the unit were some clothes and I saw a simple grey sweater dress with a red belt around it. I was sure I could fit into it, and could wear the red high heels which would match the belt. I had seen Susan in sweater dresses before so felt confident it would be accepted for this evening’s requirements.

When I arrived back home I slide my “spare” key back under a flowerpot for emergency use once more before using my normal set to get back into the house. My spirits were high once again – I had my outfit for the evening, I had friends to see later and I had a plan of action that was working extremely well – apart from last night’s mugging – and should be complete within the next day or two. The fact that there were no missed telephone calls or e-mails requesting quotes for work didn’t blunt my happiness.

I selected a frozen lasagne and chips from my freezer and thawed them in the microwave before sticking them in the oven. Yes, I would be eating at 2.30pm but at least I would be eating, unlike the day before. I used the 30 minutes cooking time to search online for make up tips. As my bruising was predominantly blue in colour I was encouraged to use a concealer with a yellow base which would neutralise the bruise. Had the bruise been more red, a green coloured concealer base would do the same job. I knew Alice had her tonsils removed a year or two back and had been terribly aware of the bruising on her face as she recovered from the operation. I just hoped her bruising had been blue and the cream was still somewhere in the house!

I gave myself another close shave before preparing to leaving the house for another trip to the Care Home. I had Alice’s earrings, Susan’s handbag, watch, bangle and necklace along with the new tights package, dress and shoes for the evening ahead. I was wearing the tights I came home in under my jeans just for speed of changing – although the feel of them against my shaved skin was wonderful and brought me enormous pleasure.

Back at Susan’s house I went straight to the make up bag to see what concealer I could find. There was a small tube in Susan’s collection of potions although I had no idea of its base colour so I just hoped for the best and spread it over the affected area before giving the rest of my face some foundation and then working on my eyes and lips. Once I was done I looked at my reflection in the bathroom where the lights were brightest and I only noticed a slight bruising because I knew it was there and was searching for it. The casual viewer would miss it I was sure.

When I secured my wig and brushed it to complete my make over I saw an attractive female in the mirror once again. The same girl I had seen the past two nights clearly but dressed differently and still stylish. I smiled at the reflection and said “Once more unto the breach dear friend, once more!”

It was a lovely evening and I had time on my hands so I chose to walk through the little park area near Niaroo Care Home to enjoy the flowers and mingle with the dog walkers, young couples and joggers who made the park come alive. As I walked an idea came to me and I exited near a Tesco supermarket and went over to their bouquet collection. I could take Jo and Kelly some flowers to thank them for last night. Women loved flowers, didn’t they? While I was at it I could get a bunch to brighten up mum’s room too! I had the check out girl put all three bouquets in a carrier bag for me and headed back onto the main road.

Men only give flowers to apologise for things they have done, or at mothers day or valentines day when the media tell them to. I felt really happy to have bought some to give to the girls who were so kind to me. Giving flowers seemed a wonderful idea and I only wished someone would give me some every now and then! I nearly stopped walking as I considered what I had just thought. Who would give ME flowers?! I nearly chuckled out loud at the absurdity of the suggestion but I saw the Care Home approaching and got myself back into my Susan mindset, ready for the hour with my mum.

Chapter 6 – My new life feels good.

“Good evening Susan, can you just sign here please” Moira said as she welcomed me. “Flowers for mum? Not sure she has a vase in her room – I’ll get one of the staff to bring one through with a little water in a moment.” She checked the clock on the wall and said “We’re organised tonight so you can go in a little early, its OK!” I thanked her and walked down to mum’s room. I took a deep breath and then chapped the door as I opened it up.

“Only me again!” I said with a smile. Mum’s face brightened noticeably. “Susan!” she called out. “Like my hair?” she added and I took a moment before realising she had had it cut since the night before. “Oh very nice! Does someone come in and do that for you? Did you have enough money to pay her?” I went over to give her a kiss as we do on arrival and departure and made a display of admiring her hair which was thinning visibly and turning an ever whiter share of grey but at least it was tidier than usual and I only hoped she wasn’t ripped off with an expensive fee for what would only have taken a few moments to achieve.

At that, a carer arrived with a vase and water and mother frowned as it was placed on the window ledge. I thanked the carer and said “I thought I’d bring you some flowers mum. It brightens your room a bit and the fragrance is always nice!” I pulled one bouquet from the bag and hid the others to avoid questions, and then set about arranging them as best I could. “You used to have some lovely flowers in the garden back home, didn’t you? That clematis on the back wall survived well didn’t it – I’m sure it was Grandad who planted it originally and it suffered all sorts of abuse but it kept returning year on year!”

As I filled the time with memories of home mum was watching me and nodding. “Rose bushes” she said and I laughed and nodded. “That’s right, you were forever pruning the rose bushes, weren’t you? They threatened to take over the garden but they were lovely when they were in full bloom. You know Malcolm took cuttings from the bushes and planted them at our house and I think Angus did the same so they are still going strong! Jack and Alice will probably end up with them at THEIR houses when they move out!”

I could see mum was still able to remember things and took comfort in my ramblings and so I spent the next hour repeating old stories about Susan and my childhood, events that my mum had told me about her own childhood and the time when she was dating my dad before I was born. Stories that I had been told and had meant little to me but which had meant a great deal to my mother and were part of her past that she remembered fondly. Being able to repeat them back to her in the hope that they triggered the original memory once again felt a worthwhile task.

Eventually the knock on the door came and I was asked to say my farewells. “OK, Mum, I’d better get going. Take care” I said as I gave her a peck on the cheek and she said “bye Susan”. “It’s Angus’s turn to come and see you tomorrow so he’ll be here to give you HIS stories!” Once more my mum’s face fell into a frown. “No, Susan!” she said but I decided I needed to stay firm on this one. “Yes, Angus wants to come and see you, mum! He loves you too you know! I’ll be in the next night, I promise!” I decided not to wait for her to argue otherwise so I picked up my bag of flowers and said “Love you mum! G’night!” and blew her a kiss as I walked out the door.

I paused in the corridor. Why didn’t mum want to talk with Angus? What had I done to alienate her? Was it just a mother and daughter thing? I had always been told there was a bond between mother and son – but I guess there are bonds between parents and children regardless of gender. I shrugged and sighed and then walked down to the reception desk, my heels making a wonderful sound as I walked down the tiled flooring.

I signed myself out and said goodnight before walking out into the street. I looked around myself, taking particular interest in single males or groups of males who might be potential attackers. I also looked for respectable looking pedestrians who could be potential saviours if anything happened to me. I gripped my handbag a little tighter than usual and said to myself “Welcome to the sisterhood, Daphne!”

A couple of times I paused and looked around me as though I was looking for something, just to confirm that there was nobody following me. “Maybe I should be fitted with rear view mirrors” I thought as I approached the same junction where the action was the night before. A young couple were standing at the lights and the girl looked over to me and smiled. I returned the gesture and the lights turned green for pedestrians so we walked over to the Basement Bar. The couple wandered on while I took a deep breath, adjusted my dress to make sure I looked my best and pushed open the door.

One of the regulars seated near the door raised her head. “Hello Susan!” she said with a smile. “Hi there!” I said in response. Suddenly there was a chorus of “Hi Susan” from all four corners of the room and I raised my hand and said “hello” to everyone. My Cheers fantasy was almost made real in that moment –I had found a bar where everybody knew my name!

“The usual Susan or are you back on the whisky?” Jo asked from behind the bar. I grimaced. “Oh I’ll leave the whisky tonight, thanks! I got a little whiffy on them last night – got into bad company!” I joked. Jo laughed and began pouring me a lager. “Take a seat and I’ll bring it over. There’s someone over there waiting for you.”
I turned to see what she meant and saw Kelly sitting where we sat last night, a bright smile on her face, giving me a friendly wave. I waved back and then walked over to greet her. “You made it then?” she said as she leaned over to me and kissed me on the lips. “Yea, I was walking along the road checking my back every 30 paces or so. Folk watching me would wonder what I was up to!” She gave a wry smile and nodded. “It gets better Sally. You learn to watch and listen for signs but you’ll soon relax.”

I sat down and she took my hand. “Been shopping?” she asked, nodding towards my Tesco carrier bag. At that moment Jo arrived with my beer and placed it in front of me before grabbing a chair for herself. “As it happens, I went shopping for a little something for two very special people” I said and pulled out the two bouquets. “This is just a small token of thanks for what you did for me last night. Thank you again.”

Jo and Kelly looked at each other and then said to me “Thank you, but you shouldn’t have bothered!” Jo added “They’re lovely, let me pop them into some water so they’ll keep fresh when I take them home. Will I do the same for yours Kelly?” She nodded “Please” and then squeezed my hand and said “That was lovely of you, Sally, thank you” and she hugged me and kissed me on the cheek.

“So, lets see your scars” she added and I turned my cheek and then lifted my leg so she could see the slight bulge beneath my tights. “Not bad!” she continued. “I presume you have concealer on your chin – its doing a good job. You’re still looking stunning, even after a title fight with Rocky last night!” I chuckled and said “Thankfully I had you to deliver the knock out blow for me! Speaking of which, how are your hands?” I grabbed both her hands and turned them over, and gasped. They were both heavily bruised around the knuckles.

“Oh my, Kelly! You’ve come off worse than me!” I moaned. “Are they sore?” She shook her head. They were stiff this morning. It’s been 25 years since they were last in a bout and even then they were in gloves so its only to be expected. Anyway, I’m told me eyes are my best feature so nobody looks at my hands” and she fluttered her lashes for effect, making me laugh out loud.

Kelly raised her glass and said “To us – the winners of the contest!” I raised mine and clinked the two together. “To us!” I parroted and then looked into Kelly’s eyes. Drinking “to us” suddenly felt like more than just a casual remark. I let my mouth develop a smile and saw Kelly’s do the same. We didn’t saw another word, just sipped our beers but our eyes burned into each other’s souls and I felt something stirring in my pants.

“So anyway” Jo’s voice rang out, causing me to give a slight jump of surprise. She continued “Before closing time last night I had a visit from the Police asking me if our CCTV camera still covered the corner of Byres Road because there had been an incident there earlier in the evening.” I looked at her while she took a sip of her drink. “Really?” I asked and she nodded. “Seemingly a driver reported a thug who bounced off his bonnet. He wanted an incident report number because it was a company car and he was worried about the dent!”

Kelly was smiling as Jo continued “So the Policeman said he then had the local A&E Department call saying a gentleman was there with serious injuries and was vague about how they came about and when they checked his name they found 3 outstanding Court Orders relating to violent attacks, drugs dealing and theft so he was patched up and will be spending tonight in the cells awaiting the Court Proceedings!”

I bit my bottom lip as I thought how lucky I had been considering how violent the chap appeared to be. Jo interrupted my thoughts by adding “The CCTV camera footage showed your attack perfectly – the struggle for the bag and blows he inflicted on you, Kelly’s defence of you and then his dash into the road and bounce off the car bonnet. We told the Policeman we didn’t know the woman’s name who was attacked but he said that wasn’t a problem. There was enough existing evidence to send him away for a long time. The car incident was unavoidable given his decision to run into the road so the driver is in the clear and can get the car repaired through his insurance.”

“Jo?” came a call from the bar. “I’d better get back to work” she said as she got up from her chair. I suddenly remembered something and said “Oh wait – take these with you!” and handed her the pack of tights I had brought with the flowers. “Oh you didn’t need to bother . . “ she said and I smiled. “Keep them for the next waif or stray you rescue!” She leaned over and kissed me. “You’re a good soul, Sally. Don’t ever change” and walked back to the bar to her duties.

Kelly squeezed my hand. “So glad that swine is in Police custody now, Sally, after what he did to you. Those flowers are beautiful, you shouldn’t have bothered – but I really appreciate them! I’m just glad you’re unharmed.” I smiled at her and said “I was touched that you called to check on me this morning! How did you get my phone number?” She looked a little coy as she replied “You had a pile of business cards on the serving hatch in the kitchen. I took one when I was fetching you a glass of water.” She went into her handbag and pulled out the card. “I’ll return it if you would rather?”

I looked at her face and could tell she didn’t really want to return it. In my heart I knew I didn’t want her to. We locked eyes and I smiled. “I want you to keep it, Put my number on your mobile. Its what fiends do after all, don’t they?” She smiled and pulled out her mobile and hit one button. Inside my handbag my mobile phone rang and Kelly smiled. “Now you have my number too.”

We photographed each other so we could update our phonebooks with names and images. It felt exciting. I had made a new friend. To all intent and purpose she was my first friend for a very long time. I had plenty contacts – people who had used me professionally over the years – but none of them were people I could call just to chat with or to go for a drink with. I realised that by being self employed I had become isolated and reclusive. I hadn’t sought that lifestyle for myself – somehow it had just slowly crept over me like a blanket of fog, obscuring me from view and leaving me a lonely soul.Even my neighbours had nothing to do with me, nor I with them.

“A penny?” Kelly’s voice cut through my temporary melancholy. “Sorry, what?” I replied. “You were miles away, deep in thought! Nothing wrong I hope?” I shook my head. “Quite the reverse” I said as I held her hand. “I was thinking how lucky I was to have you as a friend!” She smiled and said “Well, let this friend get you another drink – its still early yet.”

Automatically I glanced at my watch when she said that and then cursed myself for forgetting my watch was for show only. As Kelly walked to the bar I noticed the clock behind it showing 9pm and I thought I could spare another hour before I headed home.

My attention then moved to Kelly. I took in her body from my seat. The legs were smooth and thin and went up to a cute rear end beneath a top half that was slim and perfectly proportioned. There was no sign of a man in her physical presentation and I wondered if she had boxed at flyweight or bantamweight. Her movement was feminine and natural, clearly she had polished them over a lengthy period and I smiled as I saw her share a joke wit Jo at the bar and the pair of them laugh casually and honestly as friends do. This was no “show” of femininity – it was natural from people who knew who they were, even if their birth certificates had shown the wrong gender and they had been forced to right that wrong to be their true selves.

I wondered if I was perhaps the same or if I was merely enjoying a momentary escape from my mundane existence. I had been presenting as female for less than a week and only for the benefit of my aging mother who saw me as her daughter. Susan was due back from Holiday this weekend and could make her visits once more, releasing me from my necessity to wear drag. How did I feel about that? Was I relieved or was I disappointed? Do I want to stop it? Can I stop it – and walk away from this welcoming community I had joined a few nights ago.

Kelly returned with our drinks and we chatted together. Like most people in a bar, we discussed everything from politics, to sport, to current affairs, to the decline of the high street and the rise of computerisation. However, Kelly came to these topics with educated opinions that came from a well grounded knowledge of the facts. She either read the broadsheets or listened to Radio 4 or similar and I found myself liking her more and more. She was wonderful company and clearly not just a pretty face.

I had hardly noticed my empty beer glass and was about to suggest one for the road when Jo shouted “time ladies and gentlemen! Go home to the ones you love or your husbands and wives if you must!” Everyone began to get up off their seats and put on their jackets. I reached out and grabbed Kelly’s hand. “Has anyone told you you are wonderful company, Kelly? Thanks for a lovely evening!” She smiled and said “You’re very welcome – I enjoy spending time with you too, Sally!”

I took a deep breath and said “Look, I probably won’t be in tomorrow night – Angus is visiting mother and he’s probably not ready to come in here just yet.” She looked at me with a sad smile and nodded. “Tell him to take his time. Sally is always welcome in the meantime!” I sighed once more and continued “Look, Kelly, I want to thank you for saving me the other night. Can I call you and take you out for a meal – just the two of us? Maybe in the next couple of days – I . . . I need to schedule things with my sister so someone is visiting our mother, you know?”

She smiled. “I’d like that. But you’ve already bought me flowers and that should be thanks enough! Let me pay a share!” I shook my head. “No, this one’s on me. Look, I’ll call you in the next day or two, I promise” I said with a smile and she replied “I’ll look forward to that, Sally” and she pulled me in and gave me a kiss which I enjoyed far too much and found myself reciprocating as I pulled her into me and delighted in the feeling of her breasts against my chest.

I left the bar alone. Kelly was away to collect her flowers from Jo and I knew it was a 10 minute walk to Susan’s where I needed to change outfit and then another similar walk back to my flat. I wanted the time to think about my life as it now was. Had I unleashed a transgender persona who I had hidden even from myself all my life or was I merely dabbling in the lifestyle and finding pleasure from the change of pace? Was this something I wanted to continue indefinitely or would my sister’s return this weekend see an end to my time as Sally? I arrived at Susan’s house with no answers and only washed and changed and departed for my flat, leaving her house with no evidence of my nightly visits.

When I got back to my flat I dropped the holdall with my Sally outfit in it and simply got myself ready for bed. It was approaching midnight and of course I had had a late night the night before. My head was spinning with the worries of the crossroads in my life that I had created for myself but thankfully my weariness won the day and I slipped into a deep and much needed sleep.

Chapter 7 – Thank you for being a friend

When I woke the next morning I realised I had a lot of things to do – things I had sat aside while attending to my presentation as Sally. I needed to do a grocery shop for one thing, as well as vacuum and dust the house and there was the small matter of finding myself some meaningful work to pay my expenses! I DID have an exhibition stand to furnish in a few weeks but I really needed to find something in the interim and it would involve me taking the initiative and seeking out the work.

I poured myself a bowl of cereal for breakfast and picked up my phone to check my mail and messages. As I held it in my hand I saw my finger nails. For a moment they didn’t register as being any cause for concern but slowly it struck me that I was presenting as Angus today and the deep crimson varnish I had on would need to come off before I set foot out of the house. I decided I would leave them until after breakfast as I had grown fond of the way they looked.

I did housework first, cheering myself up by singing Queen’s “I Want To Break Free” and imagining myself as Freddy Mercury’s housewife character from the video. I laughed as I pushed the vacuum around to the song in my head and then berated myself for playing up to a les than flattering stereotype of transgender people. Neither Jo nor Kelly nor any of the regulars in The Basement Bar looked as outlandish as the members of Queen did in their video. They were far more convincing and natural. I told myself that Queen were just hamming it up for a laugh and nobody took it seriously so why should I. Somewhere within me, though, I felt the sting of unearned ridicule for “my” kind.

Eventually I reached for the acetate cleaning fluid I used in my work and used it to remove my nail varnish. I sighed as it became just a stain on the tissue paper and wondered when I would be able to paint them again. “Not today” I told myself as I grabbed my bags and shopping list and headed to the supermarket.

While wandering round the aisles looking for the bargain buys and long life items I could store in my cupboards I took out my mobile phone and sent my sister a text. “When RU back home? Mum asking 4U! Hope wx has been kind & UR having a GR8 time! Luv A” Out in the wilds of the Scottish Highlands I knew she may not get great reception and I didn’t expect a response so I popped the phone back in my pocket and completed the job in hand.

A few moments later however my phone buzzed and I found a reply from Susan. “Having a GR8 time. Back 2moro AM so can visit Mum pm. Will Call U 2moro. Xx” I smiled at the phone. I was now free to visit Mum as myself again – Susan would be visiting in person tomorrow and we could return to our regular night about schedule.

Then it hit me. These past few nights I have enjoyed the company of the crowd at the Basement Bar and most significantly the company of Kelly. Now I would have no reason to dress as Sally any more, and I would not have access to Susan’s make up or perfume to complete my look. For a few moments I stood in the bread aisle thinking about that fact and how it made me feel. I made a decision and pushed my trolley back towards the toiletries section.

I didn’t care if I got funny looks from the other shoppers. I wanted some items I could call my own and so I went to the cosmetics display and grabbed 2 different lipsticks, some foundation, a powder compact, some mascara, eyeliner and three different nail varnish colours, along with a bottle of remover. Then I bought some wet wipes from the babies section since they were very good at removing makeup. I took a moment to evaluate the perfumes that were on offer. I didn’t want Susan’s fragrance – I wanted my own. One I was comfortable with so that I was my own person. Then I grabbed a bottle of hair remover so I could keep myself smooth skinned.

I walked over into female clothing and grabbed a pack of panties and some tights before heading for the check outs. I felt excited and nervous at the same time. I was buying my own make up at last – but was I being stupid? Did I really want this stuff and would I ever need to wear it, now that my sister was around? Memories of how I felt the night before, sitting with Kelly as Sally made me smile. I headed for the self check out section to avoid the staff seeing what I had bought and scanned and bagged my selection of items before taking my purchases back home.

I prepared myself a light lunch and pondered what I would do about my new make up kit. Would I simply fanaticise over it or would I put it into regular use over the coming weeks. I felt torn over the direction my future would take. The uncertainty was quite exciting for someone who had been in a rut for many years. I needed to talk to someone about my feelings and I knew exactly who I needed to call. I picked up my phone and dialled.

“Hi Sally! To what do I owe this pleasure?”
I smiled and in my softer voice I replied “Hey Kelly, how are you?”
“Oh, just chilling – what about you? Any work calls ?”
I sighed. “No, quiet as ever. Maybe I’ll retire early like yourself!”
“I can recommend it, babe, it leaves you free for new adventures!”
I laughed. “Well it’s about my adventures that I’m calling. Are you free tomorrow night? I want to take you for dinner to thank you for everything.”
“I told you last night I would only go if I can pay a share!”
“No, Kelly, this one’s all on me – but I will let you return the honour another time – how’s that?”
There was a muffled growl from the other end of the conversation.
“And if it sweetens the deal, you can tell me where you’d like to go – locally or in the City Centre, it’s your call!”

There was a pause and she replied “I love Italian. I’ll let you take me to Zizzi’s along the road. They do the most wonderful langoustine linguini!” I laughed. “You’re a girl after my own heart ! I eat there quite often – they do wonderful pork balls in garlic!”
Kelly chuckled and said “No comment!” Then she continued “Will I see you tonight, after visiting hour?”

I didn’t know how to respond but I knew I wanted to see Kelly and spend time with her. “I . . . I should be around, yea. Look, I’ll try and book us a table for 7.30 tomorrow and we can meet in the Basement at 7 for a pre dinner cocktail, how does that sound?” She laughed. “Jo’s not great at making Margarita’s – her idea of a cocktail is a little umbrella in a pint of Guinness! But a night out with you sounds lovely to me, Sally!”

I smiled and said I would confirm arrangements by text and we ended the call. Then I called the restaurant and reserved a table for two for 7.30pm in the name of Aird. When the girl at the restaurant replied “OK, that’s your table booked madam, we’ll see you tomorrow!” I realised that I was adopting a feminine persona almost automatically now and where before I might have felt embarrassed or angry at someone calling me madam, I now found it . . . well, lets just say less concerning and in some ways more of a complement.

I spent the afternoon working. I updated my website with some different images and a message less about the retail sector but more towards the exhibition, conference set up displays I could offer and I added a page about revamping an existing office reception décor with the headline “See your world through fresh eyes” and I smiled. In the past week I had done just that and I wondered if I would ever be the same again.

I heated up a ready meal I had bought at the supermarket and washed up the dishes. Checking the watch I had plenty of time before I needed to walk along to Niaroo Care Home for visiting hour. I hadn’t appreciated how easy it was for Angus to simply put on a jacket and walk out the door while Sally would have to spend a good hour getting dressed, make up on and presentable to make the same journey. I gave a little chuckle. Maybe being male has its advantages after all !

I left the house and strolled down the pavements. I started with a small paced gait that I quickly recognised as Sally’s walk in heels, and I tried to extend the pace length and point my feet outward rather than the straight toed steps I had become used to making. I marvelled at how quickly I had moved like a woman and even now I was acutely sensitive to the sounds of people behind me and at maintaining a good body posture. I would need to un-learn the techniques I had adopted if I was to return to my normal self.

At reception Moira greeted me with a smile. “Good evening, Angus! Giving Susan a night off are we?” I smiled and nodded. “Mother was convinced her son deserved to make an appearance every now and then!” She pushed the form and pen towards me and I signed my name as she said “Well, you can head down to her room – she’s all ready for you!”

15 seconds later I knocked my mum’s door and stepped into the room. “Hi Mum, its only me!” I called out and walked in, closing the door behind me. “Angus?” she said a little shakily as she peered over her glasses to see me better. “That’s me, so how are you today, Mum? I haven’t seen you for a couple of days!” I responded and leaned in to give her a little kiss of greeting. “Look!” she said and turned towards a bouquet of flowers in the bay window. I smiled and said “Those are lovely? Have you got a new admirer, Mum?” She frowned at me and said “Susan!” and I smiled. “Ah Susan gave you them? They’re nice! I guess it will be my turn to replace them when they’re done!”

I sat and talked at her for the next 58 minutes. She wasn’t really capable of giving me any of her news and being in a care home, there would be little news of interest but every now and then she would make a single word comment on something I had talked about. I mentioned some fictitious work I had done for shops in the city, mentioned the headlines on the news bulletins that I could remember seeing on my phone and talked about old times when I was younger and the things we had done that she might remember. She didn’t seem to get a great deal of joy from what I was saying so I was relieved when the hour was over and I told her Susan would be visiting the next day. For the first time that evening, she smiled.

I walked back to reception, signed out and began the walk back in the direction of home. However, I had an appointment to keep and I was nervous. I was a friend returning in a guise they did not know – ironic really when the person they DO know was herself a disguise. Somehow though, I was more confident tonight than I had been my first night as Sally. This time I was me. I was someone I knew and could present without any pretence. I walked across the road to the Basement Bar and pushed open the door.

There were the usual faces in tonight and I had a quick scan for Kelly and couldn’t see her so instead I walked up to the bar. “Hi Jo, just the usual please” I said as I reached into my pocket for the money to pay. Jo however just stood and frowned. “Sorry, do I know you?” she asked and I began to laugh. “Sorry, it’s a pint of lager please. I’m not myself tonight” I said with a smile and added “Is Kelly not in yet?”

At that comment, the penny dropped and she nearly dropped the pint glass she was filling. She stared at me. “You must be . . . “ “Angus, yes” I said, finishing her sentence “or Sally without the makeup and clothing.” Jo handed me the pint and said “She must be in the ladies. £4.25 love.” I handed over £5 and glanced round to see a pint glass sitting unattended at our usual table. “I’ll go wait for her” I said as I walked away from the bar, feeling Jo’s eyes burning into the back of my skull.

I had barely sat down when Kelly emerged from the toilets and did a double take as she saw my smiling face at her table. “Hello stranger” she said as she walked over and I leaned towards her and gave her a kiss. “Hello Kelly. You’re looking lovely as always.” She remained straight faced as she replied “And you look like a stranger I’ve never met before! I don’t know how to react!” I reached for her hand and held it in mine. “I’m still here, its just that I was visiting mum tonight as Angus. She still knows she has a son as well as a daughter.”

I took a large gulp of my beer to steady my nerves and to give Kelly some time to digest what she was seeing in front of her. I knew it would be a shock for her to see me this way but I felt it was important for our relationship that she saw me beneath the feminine exterior I had worn in the past week. “Did you get my text message about tomorrow night?” I asked and she nodded. “Thanks, yes. Who am I dining with tomorrow – Sally or Angus?”

I smiled and squeezed her hand. I’ve been thinking about that, Kelly, and given that the meal is a thank you for saving Sally from an attacker, its only right that Sally thanks you in person tomorrow night.” I could see Kelly’s face brighten and she nodded in appreciation. “Thank you. I . . I need a little time to get to know Angus and I think I would appreciate the chance to chat to Sally tomorrow and let her introduce him to me – you know, reassure me that he’s as sweet as she is!”

I smiled and said “Of course, Kelly, I’m sure she’ll be happy to help bridge that divide for you.” We sat in silence for a moment, clearly uncomfortable with the change in our relationship. When I asked if I could get her another drink Kelly shook her head. “I can’t stay long tonight, I’m expecting a call later from my cousin in Australia so I had better be heading off.” She rose from her seat and I did the same. “So, here at 7pm tomorrow night, yea?” I said as I went to kiss her goodbye. She managed to evade me, pulling on a jacket so that my kiss did not connect. “Em . . yea, . . . 7 o’clock. Nice to meet you Angus” she said as she waved to Jo and walked out of the bar.

Heads turned in the bar and the regulars who had greeted me warmly the night before looked at me now with suspicion and concern. What had I done to drive Kelly away so swiftly – and who was I anyway? I could tell that I stood out from the regular clientele – a straight male sitting alone with a beer – so I downed the rest of the glass swiftly and got back to my feet. “G’night Jo, see you tomorrow” I said and she waved me to come closer to the bar. When I was up against it she leaned over and whispered to me “She’ll need time, Sally. She’s been hurt by men before. Just be patient, yea?” I nodded and said “Thanks, Jo. G’night” and headed out of the bar and onto the pavement again.

Walking back to the flat my head spun with the implications from tonight’s brief encounter. My relationship with Kelly had been completely changed by appearing as Angus and I was scared that she was really in love with Sally. Could I be Sally for her without losing myself as Angus? Could I accept a female future if it would give me Kelly in return – or could I build a whole new relationship with her as Angus and win her heart anew? A week ago I had never met her but in the melee of the past few days I had come to realise she was just the sort of partner I wanted in my life – attractive, intelligent, caring, and entertaining to be with and the best part of it was she seemed just as smitten with me . . . only me as Sally, in makeup dress and high heels.

It was ironic that I had finally found someone who loved "me" when I wasn’t "me" at all !

Chapter 8 – This is your big night, Bro !

The next day I was nervous once more. I was meeting Kelly who I knew I had strong affection for but at the same time I had sensed she was nervous about me in my Angus mode. She had loved me when I dressed as Susan and tonight I would dress as my alter ego once again and take Kelly for dinner. Could I rebuild the fences that had been damaged by Angus and is there a future in a relationship that requires me to be en-femme full time?

I made another visit to the lock up in search of clothing. I wanted to be smart but casual this evening – nothing too showy and over the top. I had my heart set on the skinny jeans and ankle boots again and so was really searching for a pretty top to set that off with. I began hunting through the boxes and was seriously contemplating taking the underground into town and buying something when my eyes caught the blouse. It was one of those long line styles that would hang over the jeans. It had three quarter sleeves and a button neckline that had enough of a plunge to show off my neck but not so much that my chest would be visible. It was pale pink with a floral image throughout in multiple shades of darker pink. More importantly it was in a large size that would fit me.

In an unexpected stroke of good fortune I found a small brown leather shoulder bag hanging on a manikin at the back of the lock up which was neutral enough for me to make use of and carried it and the blouse back up to the flat and gave the top a quick iron to ensure it was looking its best. I had just finished doing so when my mobile rang and the screen told me my sister was calling. “Hey, Sue” I said and she replied “Hi Angus, just letting you know that’s us back home so I’m about to do a rather large wash and unpack the camping kit and make sure its dry and fit for another tour. So I’ll pop in and see mum later and see how she is.”

“Yea, that would be great Susan, thanks, it’s been quite difficult the past few days – she’s getting a little less communicative and a little bit confused.” Then I dropped in the lie. “She actually thinks you were visiting her last week when it was me! I took her in flowers the other night and then next day when I dropped in she said she got them from you! So she may say she saw you the other night.”

Susan sighed “Oh dear, that doesn’t sound too good!” I quickly added “Oh she’s not distressed with it, she’s just confused, you know? She was better when I talked about back in the day before dad died and such like.” Susan came back “Yea, well they say that happens. OK, well I’ll see her tonight and I’ll call you and let you know how she was.” I realised she would do so just after visiting time so I replied “Actually, I’ve got something on tonight – how about we chat Monday?” I realised I had a lot to tell her if I was going to be honest with her. “Look, why don’t you come over for coffee Monday morning and you can tell me all about the holiday.”

I hung up the phone and took a deep breath. My sister was something I would think about tomorrow. For now I had a dinner date to prepare for – an event where I wanted to rebuild my relationship with Kelly and talk openly and honestly with her about whether we had a future together as a couple. I had realised that I felt deeply enough for her that I wanted to move our relationship forward if at all possible but knew that this would not be a simple thing to achieve without making adjustments in my own life. I knew I was ready to make those changes if Kelly was prepared to accept them.

I had a light lunch. I was conscious of my figure, having had to squeeze into slim clothing recently, and realised I had let “middle age spread” take over what was once a trim physique. Furthermore, I wanted to have a good appetite later when we were eating in the restaurant. No point in paying for food you don’t feel like eating!

I sat for some time thinking over what I would be saying to Kelly later this evening. I wanted to rebuild our relationship and make her love me again. I needed to be honest with her and make her realise how I truly felt about her and what I wanted from our relationship. I considered her a straight shooter and expected she would be totally honest with me too, which was fine. A relationship lives or dies on trust and if there is no future for us, it is better that me both know before investing more time and emotion to the relationship. I prayed that things would work out the way I hoped for.

After I had washed up my lunch dishes I began working on my nails. I wanted to look my complete best this evening and I buffed and shaped them as best I could before varnishing them and letting them dry. I decided to do my toe nails also. I knew I would be wearing my boots so they may not be seen but I wanted to know they were painted as a reminder to myself that I was en-femme tonight.

I bathed rather than showered and poured a little lavender scented oil into the water which if nothing else made me feel a little calmer as I gently scrubbed and washed my body. It had been a while since I had washed this way and I realised why women enjoyed it so much – I was genuinely feeling so much calmer and cleaner after my 30 minute soak than I ever had after a 10 minute shower. I made a mental note to have have more baths, whatever tonight’s outcome was.

I slipped on the bra that fitted me best and slid the breast forms in to get the correct location aligned before I affixed them to my chest. The first time I had done so they felt alien to me but now it was as though I was attaching a limb that I had lost. I felt somehow whole wearing my appendages, which was a strange thing to admit to myself. I pulled on a pair of panties from the batch I had bought the day before and rejoiced in the feeling of the silky material against my skin, pulling my member back into my perineum where it would not be so obvious.

I slipped my legs into a pair of tights – partially because I loved the way they felt against my legs but also to give my legs easier passage into my skinny jeans which were a tight fit but which made my legs look slim and attractive and I knew that with my heeled boots I would appear pretty hot from the waist down at least! I used a non perfumed antiperspirant so as not to block the perfume I had bought myself. I dabbed it around myself and enjoyed the fragrance. I would top it up just before I headed off later.

I started on my make up, applying the foundation and mascara before blending in some colour around my eyes and cheekbones and then doing my lips so that they looked plumper and sexier. Finally I fitted my bobbed wig to my scalp and began gently brushing it so that it looked extremely natural. I smiled at my reflection. I was “Sally” once more – the pretty female that Kelly and Jo had grown fond of and who attracted the friendly waves and greetings from the regulars at the Basement Bar.

I somehow felt different when I was dressed this way – more confident, more attractive certainly and less of a loner. Sally was someone people said hello to and talked to and wanted to be around while Angus was nothing really. There were no business leads as such, and no social invitations because he didn’t really have friends - just business contacts who were no longer giving him business. It was a sobering thought.

I slipped on the blouse and felt the material slide over my hairless arms and body. It was almost an erotic feeling, having something slide over you that way – so smooth and friction free, like a waterfall cascading off your body, barely leaving you wet. I took the little shoulder bag and stuck a lipstick inside along with some handkerchiefs and my wallet and loose coins. I would add my phone and house keys at the last minute. Standing at the hall mirror I looked at myself and smiled. Part one of the plan successfully completed.

I checked the kitchen clock. It was ten minutes to six. I decided I needed to leave the house as sitting around was only making me more nervous. I stepped out into the evening and locked the door behind me. I decided to walk to The Basement Bar and have a beer in my new regular bar and relax in the company of people who knew me or at least recognised me in my Sally appearance. I would chat with Jo – she always had sage advice and support. I held my posture, walked in short steps, and strolled confidently down the road.

Nobody stared, nobody laughed, and one older male nodded to me and said “lovely day!” to which I replied with a smile “Certainly is!” That’s what I love about this city – people talk to you on the underground or the bus or in a shop queue. It’s sociable unlike other UK cities where a stranger talking to you is deemed a threatening act or the action of a lunatic.

As if to prove my point I walked into The Basement Bar to a chorus of “Hi Sally” “Hello there!” and “Hey Sally” from the regulars – all of whom I greeted with a “Hi there!” I felt my spirits rise and a smile come to my face. “Cheers!” I said to the last greeting and chuckled. I was in the bar where everybody knows your name.

“Evening Jo, the usual please” I said as I greeted my friend the barmaid. She frowned at me. “You’re taking Kelly out for a meal, aren’t you?” I nodded and said “That’s right, trying to see if we have a future together.” She shook her head and put down the pint glass. “I’ll make you a Shirley Temple. Sit down and I’ll bring it over.” I opened my mouth to speak and she commanded “Sit. Now.” Her tone was enough to send me scuttling for my usual table, the giggles of my fellow regulars telling me this was classic Jo behaviour.

A few moments later she walked over to me with a tall glass containing a pink coloured cocktail of ginger ale and non alcoholic colorants and sat it beside me. She then sat down beside me and placed a hand on my thigh. “ One. Dates should never start with one partner drunker than the other. Two. Kissing Kelly with beer breath is no way to win her heart back. Three. You’ve probably got a speech prepared you want her to hear and you’ll need a clear head to remember it all without putting your dainty feet in your mouth. Have a gin or vodka here before you head up to the restaurant. Share a bottle of wine over your meal. Win her heart. Thank me later.”

She gave me a wink, kissed me on the lips and walked back over behind the bar to serve a beer to a shaven headed male whose breasts betrayed his original sex. I shook my head. If they could see me now, my family and work contacts, sipping my pink cocktail in my heeled boots and makeup and the smile of someone who felt at ease with himself – or should that be herself?!

“Were you watching the Rugby last night?” the girl sitting next to me asked, catching me off guard. “Em . . no, actually, I was in here for a little while and then went home and I missed it.” I responded. She smiled “Ah right. The Warriors were excellent entertainment, the back row were excellent and the flankers kept the Welsh wingers in check for most of the game. As good as I’ve seen them this season.” I smiled and nodded. She started laughing. “You’re not a Rugby fan then?” I shook my head and said “Never played it so don’t really understand it!” She put a hand on my arm. “I played it for 15 years. Thankfully I didn’t get the cauliflower ears or broken nose. My make up can do magic but not miracles!” We laughed and went back to our own drinks.

The Shirley Temple was refreshing and I nodded when Jo mimed across to see if I wanted another. She had given sage advice earlier. My mind was still clear and focussed on the night ahead. It would hopefully be a few hours before the night ended and I wanted to be able to remember it all – good or bad – so that I could learn from the outcome.

A tall. burly male arrived in the bar and walked over to the table next to me. “Hi, Sandra darling. Sorry I’m late” he said as he kissed her and asked if she wanted another drink, which he then went to the bar to buy along with his own. I looked across at my Rugby playing friend and said “He looks a bit of a catch!” and she smiled broadly. “Oh isn’t he just! He works at the Council too, just not in the same department. A lovely dancer, light on his feet for a man of his size!” I could see the affection in her face as she looked at him standing paying for his drinks. “I really think that he’s the one, you know?”

He turned and walked towards us and saw Sandra and I had been talking. “Jim, this is my friend Sally. Sally, this is my boyfriend Jim” she said proudly. “Nice to meet you, Sally” he said. “You too!” I replied with a smile and left them to their evening together. Seeing another couple happy together filled me with hope that Kelly and I could be the same. In many ways, I felt that she was “the one” for me – that instant connection telling me that she was special to me. The thought only made me realise how pivotal tonight could be.

Finishing my second long soft drink, I decided I needed a trip to the ladies. I went to the appropriate toilets without thinking – knowing that in this pub at least, it was the appropriate place for me. I found an available cubicle and squeezed out of my skinny jeans so I could urinate. I giggled to myself that it was so much easier as a man. Getting myself dressed once more, I stepped out into the main section of the toilet where I could check my make up. I had left a little lipstick on the glasses I had used so I decided to give my lips a little touch up and then paused to check myself out.

For a split second I wondered who I was. In the space of a week I had found this second persona, this female version of myself that had found love, acceptance and a social life that the male me never had. Could I maintain this persona as a new way of living my life? Did I want to do so? Did I need to do so to win the love of Kelly who I had fallen for in recent days? I took a deep breath and winked at myself. Let’s roll the dice and see where it takes us!

Chapter 9 – Who Am I. . .?

I returned to my seat in the bar and had just drained the last of my drink when the door opened and Kelly walked in. She looked amazing. Her hair was pulled back and tied in a bun which gave her neck more dominance and around it was a simple locket pendant in gold. She had a sleeveless midi dress with diagonal flashes of different shades of pink in the design that made her look slimmer and more elegant than I had seen her before. On her feet were a pair of red open toed sandals with a 4 inch heel and over her shoulder a straw cross body bag that was modern and stylish looking. I saw her and knew I was in love with this woman.

The bar went quiet when she walked it except for one regular who gave a whistle of approval. Her eyes scanned the room and then she saw me and smiled as she walked towards me. “Hi Sally!” she said as we hugged and I said “Kelly, you look stunning, babe.” I couldn’t help myself so I held her arms and gave her a deep kiss on the lips, which brought about some laughter and cheering from the regulars who went back to their own conversations.

When I came up for air, Kelly was smiling at me. “I’ve missed you, Sally” she said with a smile. “You’re looking beautiful as always!” I smiled and said “Let me get you a little aperitif before we go for the meal. What will it be?” She asked for a vodka and bitter lemon and I asked Jo to get me two.

“Been waiting long?” Kelly asked and I smiled. “Been here almost an hour! I was ready too early and was bouncing off the walls at home so I thought I would come here and calm down!” I replied with a smile. She laughed and placed a hand on my arm saying “I’ve been looking forward to this too. You know, I don’t get taken out for meals all that often!” “Really?” I asked incredulously. “You haven’t been out on a date recently?” She gave a coy smile. “Well, let’s just say the past couple of partners were not as interested in romancing me as you are!”

As Kelly softly told me about men who only wanted her for the sexual outlet she provided I felt increasingly sorry for her and found myself rubbing her thigh with my hand, my fingers gliding down the silky smoothness of her nylon covered legs. I felt myself leaning in more and more, desperate to comfort her and assure her that I was not like the other Johns who had used her so shamelessly. Kelly appeared stoic as she concluded “Don’t get me wrong, they never hurt me or abused me. We were adults together, satisfying needs and desires but if I am honest I had hoped for a little more romance and appreciation. A girl deserves to be told she is beautiful, don’t you think?”

I nodded to her and said “Especially one as beautiful as you, Kelly” before giving her a kiss on the lips. “So what about yourself? Is there a divorced wife somewhere out there I should watch out for?” Kelly said with a teasing tilt of the head. I shook my head. “You’re safe. I’ve been single all my days. Never really found the girl that I felt comfortable with or one that felt comfortable with me.” Kelly squeezed my hand and said “Maybe you were looking in the wrong direction?” I shook my head. “No, I never felt any attraction to males. Working as a window dresser for fashion brands brought me into contact with a lot of gay men and pretty women alike but things just never really clicked for me” I said and then added “Until I met you.”

Suddenly I broke out laughing. “Oh god, Kelly, I’m sorry, that was the cheesiest thing to say! I promised myself I would be totally honest with myself and with you this evening and there I was sounding like a 1970s porno movie!” She laughed and said “You’ve watched a lot of those then have you?” and I raised my hands in self defence. “No comment!! My client will no longer respond to questions along that line of enquiry!”

We laughed and I glanced at the clock. “OK, let’s just finish this drink and then make our way up to Zizzi’s. I’ve booked us a quiet little table where we can talk.” We emptied our glasses, said our goodbyes to Jo and walked hand in hand out of the door of the Basement Bar and headed up the road towards our restaurant. I had deliberately walked on Kelly’s left. Although we were both presenting as female, I considered her my girlfriend and as such I wanted to be on the traditional male side of the pavement. It was a small concession and I hoped Kelly hadn’t noticed or felt uncomfortable by it but it was what I wanted.

At the restaurant I also opened the door for her before saying to the waiter “Hello. There’s a reservation for 7.30 in the name of Aird.” He smiled and nodded “Of course signora, signora, follow me please” and carrying two menus he lead us to a table for two at the far corner of the dining room. I ushered Kelly into the seat that faced out into the restaurant and she frowned. “But Sally, that mean’s you’re just looking . . . “ I cut her off “At you and only you. I consider that the best seat in the house!” She gave a wry smile and said “More cheese than Cheddar Gorge!” and I feigned insult and said “Signora! Parmigiana please !”

I ordered a bottle of prosecco while we were still deciding our meals and when the glasses were poured and the waiter had stepped away I raised my glass and said “To the beautiful woman who rescued me last week and changed my life forever”. She laughed and said “You are too kind. It was my pleasure and I have found someone very special as a result. How about To Us?” I nodded and said “To Us” as we clinked glasses and sipped the sparkling wine.

While we evaluated the anti-pasti and secondi options I mused about what Kelly had achieved the week before. “You know, that thug was ready to break by jaw when you stepped in. He looked like he was going to kick me as well as punch me. For all I know he could even have been carrying a knife.” Kelly nodded without taking her eyes off the menu and said “He was. The Police found a blade stuffed into his sock. It was one of the things they’ll be charging him on. Are you having garlic, only I’d hate to be the only one with smelly breath?”

I sat shocked at the casual mention of the weapon that could have done terrible damage to me and to Kelly when she took him on. My jaw hung open and my thoughts blocked my words from homing out. Kelly eventually looked at me and said “What? Were you not having garlic?” I reached for her hand and squeezed it. “He had a knife? We could have been sliced up!” I exclaimed and she sighed. “Welcome to the world of 2024, Sally! Many youngsters carry blades these days – mostly to ward off other thugs, but some to intimidate people with. It’s like the guns in America. People scared of being shot get their own gun which only makes it more likely they will be involved in a gunfight! It’s a mad world we live in, that’s for sure.” Then she looked at me and smiled “So can we do Garlic?”

The waiter took our order and left us alone and I reached over and held both Kelly’s hands. “I want you to know how much I love you for what you did for me when you defended me against that thug. I can never repay you for that, but tonight I just want to say how much I appreciate what you did and how you befriended me and gave your time to make sure I was OK after the trauma of it all. You’re a very special person, Kelly. I’ve come to realise that over the week I have come to know you.”

She smiled and said “I stand up to thugs, Sally, always have and will. I’ve seen too many good people victimised for the choices they have made in their lives. Can I tell you something though, when I came to your end, I didn’t know you were Transgender. I honestly thought you were a girl having her handbag stolen. It was only when you hit the ground and started swearing at him I realised you weren’t a natural.” I laughed and said “I hadn’t perfected my feminine put downs at that point?” Kelly shook her head. “Thing is, once I met you and talked with you, something told me you were special and I wanted to spend more time with you. Sally, I believe I have fallen for you.”

I leaned across and we kissed and spent a moment just looking into each others eyes. My body tingled in a way it had never done before and my instinct was to do whatever she wanted to take our relationship to the next level. However, I had come with a message I wanted to present to her and I knew that I needed her to hear me out and know my feelings. Trouble is, I was scared at what she would say and so I chose to wait until the end of the evening. So I just smiled and squeezed her hand and made small talk until our starter arrived.

We had ordered some chilli cheese garlic bread to share – happy that we would both unashamedly stink of garlic as a result. I tried to bite a chunk of bread daintily like my friend across the table was doing as I said “So, Kelly is a sweet name, Are you named after anyone?” She laughed and checked that nobody was around to hear her response. “My dead name was Martin Kelly. I just flipped it around so that I now go by Kelly Martin! It made changing bank accounts and driving licence and passport that little bit easier!”

I felt myself blush I realised how insensitive I had been with my questioning but felt Kelly’s hand on top of mine. “Its OK, Sally, there’s no secret with me. Everyone who knew Martin were told she was now Kelly. I went to school reunions and met up with former workmates and said I’m Kelly, and this is who I am. Like it or not, I’m moving forward as a woman!” I smiled and said “I wish I had your confidence – its so refreshing!” She smiled and replied “Sally, life is too short to spend a day miserable. Whatever it takes to make you happy – within the law of course! – you should do because you’re only here once!”

The waiter arrived with our main courses before I could respond. It gave me a moment to take on board what Kelly had said. I felt jealous of her. She knew what she wanted to do and was doing it without the baggage of worrying what other people thought. I was concentrating hard on trying to look and act feminine while Kelly was relaxed and managed to do both naturally. It was a significant difference between is.

“Your Casareccia looks lovely” she said to me as I added some extra parmesan cheese to my bowl of chicken in a white wine sauce. I nodded and said “I would have taken the King Prawn linguini like you but I had it the last time I was in and thought I should try something else from the menu!” Kelly lifted a prawn on her fork and said “Its half the calories of your dish. I wish I had your figure, sweetheart, I need to battle to stay a size 18 and I don’t want to have to attend Zumba classes!” I giggled. “Oh no, I don’t think I could do the whole sweaty leotard look either! Attend a Spin Class? Get on your bike!”

We laughed and enjoyed our food, draining the bottle of prosecco in the process. Kelly’s awkwardness from the night before was gone. In front of me was the woman I knew and loved – confident, relaxed, attractive and funny. All the attributes you could ever want in a partner.

Neither of us wanted desert so we ordered two double espresso coffees and two limoncellos and sighed with satisfaction after a delicious meal. I leaned across towards Kelly and she leaned forward thinking I was going to whisper a secret to her. Instead I kissed her on the lips. “What was that for? Not that I mind!” she said as I held her hands. “It’s for being you. Wonderful, fabulous, gorgeous you – my life saver last week and my beautiful dinner date this. I love you so much, Kelly!”

Just at that moment the coffees appeared and Kelly was unable to respond. As the liqueurs were placed beside us and the waiter retreated I took a deep breath and began talking. “Kelly, this past week has been a revelation for me. It took a thug mugging me to realise that the transgender community is something that I am happy to associate with. Until this week I would never have thought I would ever date someone transgender let alone fall in love with them. Spending time with you these last few evenings has been some of the best nights I can remember and I want to spend lots more nights with you in the weeks, months, years to come. Kelly, I’d love us to be a couple if that’s something you can agree to.”

She smiled and squeezed my hands as she responded “I want that too, Sally. I want to spend more time with you too!” I gave a little smile and said “And that’s my problem Kelly because there are three people in this relationship and its making things complicated.” I saw a frown appearing on her face as I continued in a soft voice that wouldn’t carry across the restaurant. “Kelly, I’m not sure I am transgender. I am pretty sure I am straight. Maybe a little transvestite because I do love my dresses and heels I’ve worn this week, but I may be straight none the less. Kelly, I see you as a woman. I’ve only ever seen you as a woman and its how I think of you without a shred of doubt. However, I’m not so certain about Sally.”

I paused and took a sip of my coffee while I let Kelly absorb my words. She didn’t say anything as she continued to look at me with a furrowed brow. I squeezed her hands as I continued “I want you to meet someone. Talk to them and get to know them and keep an open mind. His name is Angus Aird and he’s everything that you love about Sally, just not as attractive and certainly not as well dressed. Look, I don’t know yet if I want to become a female 24/7, Kelly, but I know I don’t want to lose you while I find out who I really am.

I only dressed that way to visit my mum in Niaroo Care Home and make her feel like her daughter was present. Susan’s home now so I don’t need to dress that way again. I need time to discover how much I want to dress this way again and if I am prepared to have my family and work contacts see me this way but while I figure it all out, I still want to be with you, Kelly. I feel we have something very special and I don’t want to lose it. Can we take the time to work things out, together? Please?”

There was no immediate reaction from Kelly. She took a sip of her limoncello and licked her lips. Just that simple motion alone sent my heart racing and I wanted to kiss those same lips so much at that moment. Then she gave a slight smile. “You know, I’ve tried dating straight men over the years but they only seemed to want me for one thing and they never wanted to talk about fashion or music or my life and what I wanted from it. You asked me about all three on the first night we met. Asked me mind, didn’t tell me about your tastes or plans. You seemed genuinely interested in me for who I was without baggage or conditions. That’s why I knew you were special, Sally.”

I took a sip of the liqueur and waited for her to continue. She smiled “You see? You did it again. You just gave me time to talk without making demands. Most men don’t do that which is why I dislike most men. Sally, when we talked that first night I was so glad I had saved such a lovely person from a nasty assault. I’ve grown to love that person the more I’ve got to know them. I know you as Sally because that’s how I met you and I kind of felt strange seeing you last night as Angus!”

She paused and said “but like you, I think there’s something here that is special and I don’t want to lose you either so if it means seeing you with no make up or wig on, then I guess I’ll try to remember you’re really still the person I fell in love with.” I broke into the broadest smile and gave a huge sigh of relief just as she held up a finger. “However, I want you to promise to present as Sally occasionally until we know for sure which way you’re going to go and even if she isn’t going to be your public persona, I’d like to spend a little time with her privately – behind closed doors, away from prying eyes.”

I laughed and said “OK. Deal. Do you want another liqueur?” and she shook her head. “Pay the bill and walk me home. We can have a little nightcap there instead.”

We walked back to her home arm in arm – two women returning from a dinner out.
As we walked I thought about what I had said to Kelly about being straight. Here I was in a dress and make up feeling more comfortable in my skin than I ever had before. Who was I kidding about being Angus? Was I trying to convince myself? Was I looking for a reason not to live a life as Sally? I wanted to be with Kelly so much and it was Sally that she had fallen in love with – and I was honest with myself I was in love with Sally too.

Once we got inside the front door of Kelly’s home all thoughts of a nightcap vanished and instead we undressed each other and made love in Kelly’s very girly but tastefully furnished bedroom. We started with me in the dominant role and we had what I considered “normal” sex. Then Kelly took control and took a tube of lubricant and gently smeared it around my anal entrance, telling me I was about to enjoy something very special. I had never physically seen a double ender before let alone had something enter that orifice but that night was an education for me in so many ways and I learned that I loved and trusted Kelly more than anyone I had ever met. She called out my name several times as we climaxed together and it felt wonderful hearing her squealing that I was the best. That night I came to accept Sally as my name even if it’s not on my business cards – yet.

When I woke up the next morning there were two piles of female clothing on the floor and both pillows were smeared with make up that neither of us had bothered to remove in our hunger for each other’s body. Had I been a man last night, making love to his girlfriend, or had I been a woman with her lesbian lover? I wasn’t sure but I knew it had felt wonderful, it had felt right and I was as happy as I could ever remember feeling.

“Hey Sally” came a voice to break my train of thought. I turned to face the girl I loved and smiled. “Hey Kelly” I replied with a smile and I kissed her, gently and passionately, moving from her lips down to her neck and on to the cleavage on her chest, making her gasp and giggle with excitement with each move I made. “Got any plans for today?” she teased. “Nothing that would make me want to leave your side” I replied. “Me neither” she replied. “Let’s just stay in bed.” Our eyes locked for a moment and we smiled at each other. “Work’s for me!” I responded and with a giggle I added “Do we need new batteries?” We pulled each other close and dived back under the covers to consummate our love once more.

On the Monday morning I DID go home in order to get myself back in Angus mode to meet with my sister, who called round as planned around 11am. We’ve always been close and so over a coffee I “fessed up” and told her everything – that I had pretended to be her, I had taken her bag she had got from mum and damaged it, and even that I had raided her make up and perfume and that I was truly sorry and I would make that up to her buy buying replacements. I wasn’t sure what to expect but she replied “OK, we can go shop together. It’ll be fun having a sister after all these years!” I sat shell shocked while Susan laughed. “Get with it, Grandad, this is 2024! If you’re happier as Sally then switch teams! Life’s too short to be miserable, and you’re not getting any younger!” We laughed and I squeezed her hand. “Thanks sis. I appreciate your support.” She smiled and said “Hey, sisters always have each other’s backs!”

I don’t know what the coming months will bring in terms of how I present to the world but I know I will have the love and support of my girlfriend Kelly. The support and love of my sister and family was probably removing any barrier I had foreseen or assumed. My dear mother in Niaroo Care Home will be none the wiser, bless her. I have no real work friends to win round – indeed, my career needed to change anyway so I may bring Sally Aird as my identity for the next stage in my work life as well as my personal one. And further down the line? There is a growing part of me who wants to be involved in a small romantic wedding with a bride in a glorious white dress with spaghetti straps and a plunging neckline with a long flowing train at the back - and I am sure that Kelly will want to wear one similar too.

The End