Chapter One
Fear and Flight

Life was difficult for me when I was growing up. My Mam tried her best to raise my older sister, Jemma, and me to be polite respectful and keep ourselves clean and tidy. The same could not be said for my father, to put it bluntly he was a drunken lazy loud-mouthed slob. The only times he appeared respectable was when he was going to work as a bricklayer on construction sites or down to the Rugby club to see his teammates. He was a big intimidating hulk of a man , a typical front-row forward, tall bulky and not afraid to use his size to get his way, on or off the Rugby field, or at home. My mam shielded us from his temper and abuse as much as she could, as best as she could, but she couldn’t be around all the time.

After Jemma and I had gone upstairs to our beds, we often heard their raised voices in the kitchen and living room, having violent arguments, and frequently the next morning saw bruises on Mam’s arms or face. He never physically attacked Jemma or me, but we often felt the lash of his tongue as he berated us for minor breaches of what he thought our roles and aims in life should be.

He was always on at Jemma about wearing jeans and sloppy loose tops, telling her that now she was seventeen and growing into a woman she should dress as one, wear dresses skirts and more makeup, and learn how to flirt and satisfy a man.This was totally opposite to how he expected Mam to look, anything more than lipstick or any clothes that he thought to be ‘too sexy’ brought accusations of her playing around and being unfaithful to him, usually followed by at best a slapping, at worst a beating.

His beef with me was that I was quite small and weedy and he often told me how disappointed he was that I would never be able to follow him into the rugby team, not even as a fly-half, the smaller players who were the fast runners with the ball. Once he even jokingly suggested that I try out for the girls’ team as I was more of their size and weight rather than like the bigger boys growing up through the ranks. In addition he was always criticising everything I did, berating me, telling me that I was useless and a waste of space, undermining my confidence and faith in myself, often leaving me in tears and running up to my room to get away from him.

He was very much a ‘man’s man’, when he was in a good mood and sober he did the heavy work around the house and garden, leaving all the lighter domestic duties to Mam, Jemma and me. In many ways he considered that as I physically took after my mother that I should fit better working with the girls rather than doing ‘man’s work’. Working alongside Mam and Jemma I soon learned the basics of cooking and baking, and when they were off in town shopping and he felt hungry it was my job to keep him fed and supplied with drink.

One night after he came back from the pub, drunk and full of himself as usual, lying in bed I heard a lot of shouting and screaming from Mam and Jemma, and went downstairs to see what the bother was.

“”Get the hell out of here wimp, this is nothing to do with you, it’s bad enough that I have these two bitches having a go at me without you getting on at me too.”

“Ally, go back to bed, it’s not helpful you being here, this is between the three of us, you are best keeping out of it.” Mam told me with tears in her eyes, waving me to go away.

I woke the next morning to hear the door slamming and a car driving off, hurriedly got dressed for school and went downstairs to grab some toast and coffee for breakfast. I found a note on the kitchen table addressed to me, from my mam.

“Ally, I’m dreadfully sorry to do this to you, but Jemma and I have to get away from your father, he has gone too far this time in the way he treats Jemma and me. Unfortunately where I am going I cannot take you with me, but I will come back for you as soon as I can. Until then take care of yourself and try not to upset your father too much. Remember that I will always love you. Mam xx.”

I didn’t really understand what was happening but just thought that his violent streak had got too much for Mam and sat for a while trying to get to grips with the fact that I was now left alone with my father, before going off to school.

My day at school was a waste of time, my mind was forever wandering off to think about the situation at home. I arrived back home to find that Mam had obviously returned, having collected clothes and other personal belongings for her and Jemma while my father was at work, and then left again, which I assumed meant that the pair of them would not be coming back for some time.

About an hour later, My Father came home in a filthy mood, even worse than normal.

“What have you done for my dinner wimp?”

“I didn’t know what has been happening and what was planned, so nothing is on the go.”

“Look wimp, the bitches have left us, I am working my fingers to the bone on the building site all to to keep us in food, I expect a hot meal when I get back. Now that the women have left us, it’s your job to make sure that there is food on the table, get on with it before I really lose my temper with you.” He shouted at me as he slapped me across my cheek, sending me stumbling back to thump against the worktop.

“There is not much in the fridge,, or cupboards, so it is just something simple, sausages, baked beans and mashed potato, it’s the best I could do.” I fearfully apologised to him as I warily served up his meal tp him.

“It’s hardly a hearty meal after I have been grafting all day, I expect something better in the future, and give me one of your sausages I need it more than you.”

“ But……”

“Just shut up, I had enough earache last night from the bitches. When I have finished this I am off down to the rugby club for a few pints with the lads. When I get back I expect to see this place clean and tidy, with a clean set of work clothes laid out on my bed for me and you out of the way in your room. I want you up early every morning to get my breakfast before I leave for work. Just do as you are told and there will be no problems.”

After sorting things out, I went up to my room, did my school homework and climbed into bed, hoping there would not be any trouble when he got back .

When I went downstairs the next morning to start on his breakfast he was laid out on the sofa, he had obviously been so drunk that he hadn’t even made it up the stairs to his bed.

“What time do you call this, I should be on my way to work by now, I’ll not bother with breakfast today, I’ll grab a takeaway, but don’t let it happen again. There’s money on the sideboard, what little is left after the bitch cleared our bank account, make sure that you get some decent food in for tonight and stock up the cupboards, that is your responsibility from now on.”

So it went on for the next few weeks, all the domestic duties became my responsibility, shopping, tidying, washing and ironing clothes, and if anything was not to his satisfaction I got a lot of tongue lashing and on occasions a slapping or beating. I now understood why Mam had been forced to leave.

“Right Ellie, by the way that’s your name from now on as you may as well be a girl for all the good you are doing around here, things are going to change around here. Since the bitches left I miss the presence of a woman about the house, the rustle of their clothes, the smell of their perfume and scented soaps, and I have decided that you now have to provide that atmosphere for me. You can keep your boys’ clothes for school, but as you are doing all the woman’s work around the house I want to see you looking like one. See what Jemma has left in her room, find something that fits and suits you, put on a bit of makeup and come back in here.”

“Don’t be ridiculous Dad, I don’t mind doing Mum’s work but asking me to dress as a girl and wear makeup is going too far.”

He came over, grabbed me by the hair, slapped me a few times, and threw me to the floor.

“So you think that I am ridiculous do you? You’ll do as you’re bloody told unless you want more of that, If I ever see you again not wearing a skirt or dress you will learn what a beating really is, now go and sort yourself out.”

As it happened Jemma had left a lot of stuff behind that she had grown out of or didn’t like the style anymore. I didn’t really want to do as he had ordered me, but felt that the only way to keep him calm was to do what he had said.

I picked out a plain denim mid-thigh skirt, cotton top and flat sandals, quickly changed into them, put on some lipstick, brushed my hair into something resembling a feminine style, and went back downstairs feeling embarrassed and humiliated.

“That’s better Ellie, the style suits your nature and what you are now doing, much better than your old boys’ clothes, come here and let me have a close look at you.”

He had me turn around and while my back was to him he felt my shoulders and then flicked up the hem of the skirt.

“Those boxer shorts are not appropriate you need to start wearing panties, and a girl your age should be wearing a bra. As you are going to do this, you need to do it properly, no half measures. While you are upstairs changing, do something better with your hair, it is long enough for a much more girly style, put on more makeup, even though Jemma always dressed sloppily in jeans and loose tops she aways had her eyes and lashes made up too. Now run off like a good little girl and sort yourself out properly.”

Back upstairs I found Jemma’s undies drawer where she had left some panties and bras and soon picked out some relatively plain ones that fitted and put them on. While rummaging amongst the bras I found some ‘chicken fillet’ breast enhancers that she had used a few years before when she hadn’t fully developed and placed them in the bra cups, I thought that I had better do that before he had something else to complain about. Five minutes later after putting on eyeliner and mascara, and a bit of shadow, and tying my hair up with a scrunchie into a high pony tail, I went back down.

“Much better, you look a lot like your sister, You were never much of a boy in my eyes, being Ellie is much more appropriate for you, especially considering your role in this house now you’re doing all the woman’s work. Until the end of the school term when you will be old enough to leave, other than when you are at school that is how you will dress. After that you can throw all your boys’ clothes away and get yourself some new things to top up what Jemma has left for you.”

“But Dad, I feel ridiculous, and am not comfortable wearing these clothes, I will be quite happy to do all what you call woman’s work, but making me dress as a girl is taking it too far.”

”You’ll do as you’re told unless you want a good beating. If I hear any more whinging from you, I will burn all your boy’s clothes and you will have to go to school to sit your exams wearing a skirt and makeup, and tell everybody that you now want to be a girl, do you want to do that?”

Rather than keep going back and to for clothes and to do my make up, I moved into Jemma’s room taking only my school clothes to hang in the wardrobe along with what were now my skirts and dresses and learned to adjust my new life as Ellie. My father treated me and talked to me as if I had always been a girl and never made any remarks about my previous life as Ally.

Over the next few weeks as I sat my final exams before leaving school, life went on, although I was beginning get some strange looks from my classmates as I was now using Jemma’s scented soaps and shampoos, which also helped to make my hair much fuller. I was often getting compliments from some of the girls as to how I was grooming myself and found myself invited into their company much more than with the boys, who were gossiping that they thought I was gay and kept their distance from me.

Although I rarely used nail polish at home whenever I did I made sure that all of it and all the rest of my makeup was fully cleaned off, but despite that I couldn’t hide the fact that being with the girls so much I was beginning to adopt many of their gestures attitudes and ways of talking, which just hardened the opinions of the boys towards me. In fact the girls even started to treat me as if I was just another one of them and drew me into their conversations about clothes, makeup, boys and even their feminine problems.

Other than at school,I was now living full-time as a girl, not just around the house, but also when I went out grocery shopping or into town for clothes. I was much more comfortable looking through the racks of girls’ clothes or at the makeup counter dressed as Ellie rather than looking a bit weird dressed as Ally. I was almost caught out one time looking at dresses when two of my classmates who I had become friendly with came over to look at the same rack, asking my opinion on what I thought of the ones they had selected, we starting chatting and they invited me to have a coffee with them.

I was reluctant, worried about being discovered but they were quite persuasive and I joined them.

“I’m Jan and this is Bev, we’ve not seen you around before.”

“I’m Ellie. I’m only visiting my Grannie and getting some shopping in for her.”

As Ally I had often sat at the lunch table with Jan and Bev, so was quite comfortable chatting to them over the coffee, but I was glad to get away from them without being unmasked, and thought to myself that I would have to be a bit more careful in future and not get too chatty with anyone else. It would’ve been good to meet up with them again, some friends to share things with, although obviously not my biggest secret, but it was safest to just keep myself to myself.

One night after Dad had been fairly pleasant to me for a few days, I made him his favourite meal, a 12oz sirloin steak with all the trimming, along with a treacle sponge pudding and custard, what he called ‘proper man’s food’, before tidying up and going to bed, leaving him with a couple of bottles of beer.

I put my clothes on the chair by the dressing table to put them away and changed into the sleep-set of Jemma’s that I had been using since Dad had seen me coming from the bathroom wearing Ally’s pyjamas and removed most of my own stuff. I was just about to clean off my makeup when he burst into the room and sat on the bed next to me.

“Ellie, you have been doing a wonderful job doing all the woman’s work around the house, and doing a better job of it than that bitch of a wife of mine ever did. But there is one duty that you haven’t carried out yet, a man has needs and it is his woman’s job to satisfy those needs. When my wife wouldn’t play anymore I tried it on with Jemma, but your mother heard her shouting at me to leave her alone, rushed in and kept hitting me and forced me to get out of the room and out of her sight. The next morning the pair of them left.”

He grabbed me threw me on the bed and rolled me over onto my stomach and made me get up on my knees. “Just stay there like a good girl, while I drop my trousers, you are going to learn tonight what it is really like to be a woman.”

Scared witless I lashed out at him straightening my leg and caught him really hard between his legs with my foot. He dropped to the floor, clutching his groin and retching from the pain and the nausea. While he was writhing in agony, I picked up the clothes I had been wearing and ran out of the room, stamping him in his groin again before I left. Downstairs I quickly put on a coat over my nightwear, grabbed the shoulder bag I was using which contained my money, keys and some makeup, stuffed my clothes in a shopping bag, slipped into some shoes, slammed the door and ran away as fast as I could. Luckily he didn’t follow me as I made my way to the local 24hr supermarket, went into the washroom and changed back into my clothes, and went into the café to think about what to do next.

Although I had become friendly with some of the girls at school, there was nobody that knew about my double life that I could trust to see me looking like this, and I had nowhere to go.

The counter assistant was quite friendly and chatty as the café was not busy at that time of night and came over and sat next to me when there were no customers queuing up. When I told her that I had to escape from domestic abuse, and get to a safe place, although not the details of who I really was, she agreed to let me sit there as long as I wanted. I stayed there overnight, even when she went off-shift and passed me over to her replacement, occasionally dozing for a while.

From the sympathy I had got in the café, I decided that it might be easier to get people to help me and less likely for any of Dad’s friends to recognise me and tell him where I was, if I stayed dressed as a girl.

In the morning I went back to the house. Seeing that Dad’s car was not there as he must have left for work, I warily went in and checked that the house was empty. I packed a case with a selection of Jemma’s clothes, toiletries and bits and pieces, and also filled a backpack with Ally’s stuff to give me options if the situation arose. In a fit of spite I went to Dad’s room and slashed all his best clothes that he wore when trying to look respectable at the rugby club. only leaving intact a couple of pairs of jeans and tee shirts, his work clothes. All his bottles and cans of beer were emptied into the sink, the empties left strewn over the floor, and the previously prepared meals in the freezer and fridge were thrown into the bin.

There were too many of dad’s drinking friends around our town who if they saw me would be on to him right away, so I decided to get out of the area and made my way to the bus station. I had no idea where I could go and just took the next bus to leave, heading for a town about 40 miles away. The bus soon filled up as it picked up more people at stops on the way and soon a young girl a little older than me, sat down next to me on one of the few spare seats.

“Hi, I’m Carly, Carly Welbeck, are you going all the way.”

“Yes, I think so, to be honest I don’t really know where I am going, I just had to get away and this was the first bus to leave. I’m Ellie Taylor by the way.”

“Are you running away from something?”

“I don’t really want to talk about it, but I need some space away from my father.”

Tears started to form from my eyes and drip down my cheek at the thought of what my father had tried to do to me.

“Here’s a tissue Ellie, dry your eyes. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but has he been abusing you?”

The tears started again as I nodded my head and Carly took hold of my hand to comfort me.

“Mainly mental abuse rather than physical, but I couldn’t stand it any longer.”

“Have you got somewhere to go, relatives or friends that you could stay with?”

“I’ve no idea what to do, my Mam and my sister Jemma left a few weeks ago to get away from his abuse and I haven’t a clue as to where they are now. If they’ve any sense they will have gone to her sister’s place down in Cornwall, but I don’t want to go all the way there on a wild goose chase.”

“If you want a bit of time to sort things out, you would be welcome to stay at my Mum’s. I’m only going home for a weekend break and will be going back to college in a few days.”

“I don’t want to be a nuisance, are you sure that she won’t mind a stranger in her house?”

“She’s used to it, she runs a B&B, so has people in and out all the time, and there are usually some unoccupied rooms.”

We got off a few stops later, collected my case and bag and we were soon at her house a short walk away. It was a big rambling Georgian property with Virginia Creeper almost covering the walls and a large wrap-around garden. A sign by the roadside gate had scrolls of ivy painted around its border encircling the description ‘Ivy Lodge B&B’.

“This looks expensive I’m not sure that I can afford it.”

“Don’t be silly, you are my guest, and if you feel guilty about it, I’m sure that Mum can find you something to do, either here at her Café on the main road.”

“Hi Mum, I’ve brought a friend with me to stay for a while, if that’s ok.” She called out as we entered the large double-height hallway with a sweeping staircase to the upper floors. An attractive woman in her forties came out and gave Carly a big hug.

“Good to see you back Carly, you should come home more often. Who’s your friend?”

“This is Ellie, I met her on the bus, she is having a difficult time and I told her she could stay with us, well really with you, for a while until she sorts herself out. I’ll tell you all about her later, but I’m sure that she could do with being alone for a while.”

“Hello Ellie, I’m Fiona Welbeck, welcome to Ivy Lodge, I’ll show you to your room and we can talk later.” She led me to a large light and airy bedroom with ensuite shower and toilet, with a large vase of flowers on the windowsill, all clean and prepared for the next paying guest.

“Make yourself comfortable, and come down when you are ready, I’ll leave you to settle in.” It was all very professional she was obviously used to greeting paying guests and had her welcome speech already scripted.

I sat there for a while getting my thoughts together and decided that I needed to repay their kindness by at least being polite and going to have a chat. As I was still wearing the clothes that I had worn the day before and had spent the night in the supermarket café they were now looking and smelling a bit well-worn. I had a quick shower, put-on a fresh skirt and top, fixed my makeup, brushed out my hair and feeling a lot more presentable I was ready to go down and face them, hoping that I would be totally believable as a girl.

To be continued.

I sat there for a while getting my thoughts together and decided that I needed to repay their kindness by at least being polite and going to have a chat. As I was still wearing the clothes that I had worn the day before and had spent the night in the supermarket café they were now looking and smelling a bit well-worn I had a quick shower, put-on a fresh skirt and top, fixed my makeup, brushed out my hair and feeling a lot more presentable I was ready to go down and face them, hoping that I would be totally believable as a girl.

They were down in the kitchen/diner and as I walked in Mrs Welbeck came over and gave me a big hug. “You poor girl, Ellie. Carly has told me what little she knows about you, it’s awful that your father seems such a brute and has treated you, your mother, and sister so badly. You are safe here as long as you want. Sit down, I’ll get you a coffee and you can tell me more about what you have suffered.”

“This is difficult for me Mrs Welbeck, I don’t know where to start.”

“Please call me Fiona, Mrs Welbeck is what people call my mother-in-law. I usually find that the best place to start is at the beginning.”

Other than the fact that I was really Ally Taylor, not Ellie Taylor, I told them about the years of mental abuse in my childhood, constantly being berated and humiliated by my father, and the physical and mental abuse my mother suffered at his hands, particularly when he was full of drink, which was quite often.

“It got even worse after Mam and Jemma left, suddenly all the household chores were down to me, and when things weren’t to his satisfaction he slapped me around a little and became even more controlling and abusive, sometimes beating me until I did as he wanted. The final straw was when he tried to rape me, saying that he had his needs and that it was down to me to satisfy them for him since Mam and Jemma had left him. I managed to get away from him and now I’ve ended up here.”

“Oh, you poor poor girl. Have you reported him to the police or Social Services, he deserves to be punished.”

“It would do no good, he has a lot of friends in the police that he plays rugby with and the Social Services are a waste of time, they have far too much to deal with and nobody gets the proper attention. There was no choice but to get away from it all.”

“You are welcome to stay here, I need someone to help keep this place spic and span for unexpected guests, and could always do with another waitress down the café. I’ll give you a small allowance as well as free board and lodging. How does that sound?”

“That’s very kind of you Mrs… sorry Fiona, I’ll be happy to help. As I have said, I have been keeping house and cooking at home for a while now and have a fair idea of what to do.”
“That’s all agreed then, there is nobody else staying here tonight or tomorrow, so in the morning you can come with me to the café, it’s an early start mind, we open for breakfast at 8:00. We all wear a sort of uniform, white blouse and black skirt with plain flat black shoes, Have you anything suitable with you?”

“I’m ok with the skirt and shoes, but only have casual cotton tops not a white blouse.”

“That’s no problem you can have some of mine that I wore when I helped out, they aren’t my personal style and have been in the wardrobe for a while. You may want to hang one up in the bathroom overnight to freshen it up and drop out the creases.” Carly volunteered, glad that she would not have to get up early to go in with her mother.

The rest of the evening, after we helped Fiona prepare dinner, we spent watching TV and casually chatting, mainly with me listening in while Carly and her mam caught up with each other’s lives.

“It’s been a long day and I’m feeling tired, it’s time for my bed.” I said as I rose and bid them goodnight.

“Don’t forget we open at 8:00 in the morning and need to leave here at about 7:30, have a good sleep and make sure that you are ready on time.”

Having not really slept the night before in the supermarket and having tossed and turned most nights before that, worried about Mam and Jemma, I had a welcome long and undisturbed sleep. I was rudely awaked when my phone alarm went off at 6:30, which was when I normally got up to prepare Dad’s breakfast and see him off to work before getting changed for school. I was soon washed made up and dressed ready to join Fiona at the café. As I had been doing when cooking at home, I tied my hair up in a loose high pony tail to keep it off my face and tidy as I would be serving food and found Fiona waiting for me downstairs.

“You look really smart Ellie. I like the way you have done your hair and your makeup is not overdone, exactly the right image.”

When we got to the café, Jenny, the cook, already had the place opened up, the big range warming up, and the food out of the fridge ready to start cooking. Linda, the waitress, was busy dressing the tables, waiting for the the first customer and their orders. There was only time for quick introductions to Jenny and Linda, and for Fiona to run through my duties before we opened up and the first customers started arriving.

I was kept busy for the rest of the morning and was glad when it was time for a break and for me to have something to eat myself between the breakfast rush and the lunchtime trade. By then I was becoming used to being called ‘dear’ or ‘darling’ and dealing with customers as Ellie and just getting on with my work, not really having time to think about my problems and the fact that I was looking and acting like any other girl.

Late afternoon, a police car pulled up and two officers came into the café, causing me to panic, a little worried that they had somehow found out where I was and had come to take me back.

“Hi Glen, hi Bob, usual is it?” Linda greeted them with a warm smile.

“Thanks Linda we always get a warm welcome and a nice smile here, that’s why we keep coming back for our break. Just coffees and toasted teacakes today, and throw in a scone and jam too.” Glen replied giving Linda a cheeky pat on her backside.

“You know Glen, I could get you arrested for that.” She said playfully.

“You know you couldn’t do that, you’d miss our happy smiling faces and banter and you would be miserable all day.”

“Do you think so? I’ll send Ellie over with your coffee while I sort out the rest of the order.” she left them with an exaggerated sway of her hips as she walked back to the counter.

“Ellie, two Lattes for our friends in blue over there, and be extra nice to them, they are regulars and are good tippers.”

“There you are officers, your teacakes and scones will be a few minutes.”

“No need for ‘officers’, I’m Glen, this is Bob, we’ve not seen you here before and you are…?”

“It’s Ellie, I’ve just started here today.”

“It’s good that there is now a pleasant pretty young waitress again, it’s not been the same since Carly moved away, Linda’s ok but she can be a bit feisty sometimes.” Bob joined in the chat, causing my cheeks to flush a little, I just smiled and left to deal with another customer.

As they got up to leave later Bob called me over. “Is Fi about we need to have a word with her.”

“What can I do for you boys today?” Fiona greeted them as she left the kitchen and walked over to them.

“This bit is official Fi, so ‘officers’ might be more appropriate than ‘boys’.”

“In that case Mrs Welbeck might be better too.” She replied with a smile showing that she was only playing with them.

“We’ve been asked to keep a lookout for a young boy Alistair or Ally Taylor, fifteen getting on sixteen, long hair, quite slim and short. He assaulted his father who needed medical treatment in hospital, and trashed the house before running off, can you keep an eye out for him? His father is really worried that he might come to some harm, we are spreading the word as a favour to some friends of his in their local force.”

Back at Ivy Lodge later after the café closed, Fiona ushered Ellie into her office and closed the door.

“When Glen told me about the runaway boy, the colour drained from your face and you couldn’t wait to get back into the kitchen. What do you know about all this?”

I couldn’t speak, I was so confused and upset and just sat staring at her.

“It’s all lies, he was trying to rape me and I just defended myself rather than assaulting him, and as for being concerned about my welfare, all he wants is for me to go back to looking after all his needs, and I mean ALL his needs.”

“Ok Ellie, or Ally, whichever, calm down, your secret is safe with me. Now I know who you are, do you want to get some boy’s’ clothes and clean off the makeup.”

“To be honest I’ve been wearing girls’ clothes and makeup almost all the time since Mam and Jemma left and I’ve got used to them now. As long as people are looking for Ally, it might be best if I stay as Ellie.”

I told her the full story about my father treating me like a girl after Mam and Jemma left insisting that I wear skirts or dresses and makeup and do all the ‘woman’s work’ around the house. Things got even worse leading up to the attempted rape. Somehow I disabled him with a sharp kick in the groin and stamping on him there again before making my escape, and he has people convinced that I assaulted him.

“That is appalling, the beast deserves to be locked up and the key thrown away, not getting his friends in the police to drag you back to that life.”

“Now you know the truth do you want me to leave?”

“Don’t be silly Ellie, and note the name I just called you, as far as i'm concerned that is who you are, I told you when you arrived that you are welcome to stay as long as you need. You don’t have to stay as Ellie all the time, but it will help you to stay in character if you do, changing back and forth to Ally will only get confusing for both of us. Nobody else needs to know, not even Carly, but it would be nice if you could trust her too.”

“She’s only here for a couple more days, let’s leave her until next time she is home, I should be a lot more settled and comfortable by then.”

“So, is Ellie here to stay?”

“For the time being yes, until I can get something sorted out with my family.”

“Don’t worry about being discovered, you still have a few rough edges in the way you look and behave, but then none of us is perfect. You worked in the café all day, mixed well and confidently with all the customers, with Linda and Jenny, nobody saw you as anything other than a pleasant young and attractive girl. Keep it up and you will have no problems, even Glen and Bob were a bit flirty with you. If you ever feel that you need to talk to the police, I’ve known those two for years and they are as honest and trustworthy as they come.”

Carly went back to college after a few days, in one way I was sorry to see her leave she had become a good friend, but I was glad that I didn’t have to be so careful about what I said or did around the Lodge.

For the next two weeks I was kept busy in the café and preparing the B&B rooms for guests, adjusting to life in public as a girl. Mondays and Fridays were the busiest times for the café with people travelling away for the weekend or returning to work, whereas the B&B was usually fullest over the weekend, so it all fitted together quite nicely, leaving midweek as the days to not work, relax and explore the area.

Everything was going smoothly, too smoothly, until one Wednesday after I had been giving the Lodge a good clean, Fiona came back home looking upset in an agitated state.

“Your father came into the café today, someone suggested to him that you left town on a bus heading in this direction and he’s calling at all the stops on the way showing photos of you, obviously as Ally, and asking if anyone has seen you. Naturally I played dumb but he was obviously becoming frustrated at getting nowhere and he became quite pushy bad-tempered and foul-mouthed. He ranted on about women and how they never appreciated how hard their man worked for them and when he eventually found what he called ‘his bitches of wife and daughter and their feeble excuse for a son’ they would suffer for what they had put him through. I was really worried that he was going to take out his frustration on me, but he left slamming the door behind him. I can easily visualise him taking it further and mistreating you all.

However, although you are now quite convincing as Ellie, perhaps because I know the truth, I could see similarities between you and the photos, although it would not be obvious to anyone else. I think that you need to change your image so that nobody else makes a link. Nothing too drastic, a change of hairstyle and colour, with different makeup, would all make a deal of difference and you would be unrecognisable. What do you think?”

“When my father gets a notion in his mind, he can be so stubborn he’s not going to give up. If you think that it could alter me that much let’s get it done, the less I look like Ally the better.”

The next day I prepared to spend most of the afternoon in a salon that Fiona often visited.

“This is my new assistant Ellie, she has just left school and is a bit of a frump to be out in the big adult world, she’d like a totally different image, can you work your magic with her Lorraine?”

“Hmm, let me think, is a bit punky too far out for you to have her in the café.”

“OK but not too extreme, I’ll leave you to it, give me a ring when she is ready to be collected.”

When I was ready to leave the salon, my hair had been tinted from a dark, almost black, brown to a light golden auburn with pale pink sun-streaks, trimmed to collar-length, styled with loose soft curls which despite all the work looked like it needed a good brush. My makeup was a lot more vivid with much heavier eye-liner drawn in a cat’s eye upturned at the outer corners, pale mauve shadow on the lids and with eyelash extensions heavily coated with mascara, my nails had been fitted with acrylic extensions, coloured, along with my lips, to match the lilac eye shadow. The upside was that I now looked in no way similar to my previous image and even less so to Ally, the downside was that I was much more noticeable and memorable.

Lorraine gave Fiona a call to come and collect me, and ten minutes later she arrived, walked straight past me to ask Lorraine where I was. She pointed over to where I was sitting, Fiona turned looked past me then stopped and did a double take.

“Ellie? My god, you look so different, I recognised the clothes you have on before I realised that it was you. I know that I told Lorraine to give you a change of image, but I never thought that she would go this far. I’m not complaining, I love the look, I just wish I was 20-odd years younger and could carry off a look like that.”

“That style is easily manageable, a quick brush each morning and it will look as good as new, if you have any problems Ellie, give me a call for another appointment.” Lorraine told me as we left.

Back at the Lodge, there was a parcel on the doorstep , Fiona picked it up saying “I’ve a surprise for you, it’s part of your new image, let’s get inside, get the kettle on for a coffee and open it up.”

We were sitting at the kitchen breakfast bar when she opened the parcel and plonked two large lumps of skin-toned gel on the bar.

“Before your makeover I thought that you still looked like a young schoolgirl, and as part of your new image I thought it would be better if you looked a bit more mature. Those enhancers have done the job to get you used to having breasts, but these are a couple of cup sizes bigger and will give you a much more prominent bust-line making you look older, as well as leaving no doubt that you are a girl. Take off your top and bra and I will fix them on for you.”

“Fix them on?”

“Of course, they will be much more realistic looking If they are glued on, and to all intents and purposes will move as you walk around, almost as if they were natural. Although they will be stuck on, they can be removed if you want, but it will help you to get used to them if you just leave them in place all the time.”

“I suppose that you are right, the less I have any resemblance to Ally, the less likely that I will be recognised, let’s do it.”

“Five minutes later I stood up feeling the weight of the breasts pulling on my skin, looking down at the big lumps on my chest.”

‘Obviously those junior bras you have been wearing will no longer fit and support you properly, you are now about the same size as Carly, I’ll get one of her’s from upstairs. Rather than a plain cotton one like I had been wearing, she came back with a fancy mauve lacy one. That will do until we can get you measured up and some of your own in the right size, let’s get it on, you will feel a lot more comfortable with a bit of support.

“Are you sure that these are the right size for me, they feel and look enormous?”

“That’s where we girls have the advantage over you, for us it all happens gradually and we have time to get used to the changes, but you have been thrown in at the deep end. Don’t worry, you will soon get used to them and forget all about them, they will become as much part of your body now as any other part. With the extra weight on your chest you are stooping forward, you look like you are trying to hide the fact that you have breasts. Don’t be ashamed or worried about what they look like, put your shoulders back, puff out your chest and be proud of your new assets. With a bit of luck you should now get a lot more tips in the café, particularly from the truckers and male reps that come in, they all appreciate a well-endowed girl. Go for a walk around the garden or down into the village, get used to the weight and movement on your chest. When you go into work tomorrow, you’ll just have to behave as if your breasts have always been there, and get on with serving the customers without being conscious of them.”

Fiona was right, at first I felt embarrassed at the constant sway and rise and fall of the breasts, worrying that they were so noticeable, but soon realised looking around that I was no different to every other woman and girl I passed on my walk, it was now just another part of my life as Ellie.

“How is the bra, does it feel comfortable? You’ll be amazed at how many of us women have never been properly measured up and wear bras that are totally unsuitable, the wrong band size or cup size, not giving proper support or being too tight and pinching the flesh. If that seems ok for you, rather than buy new ones just see if Carly has left any more that you like.”

I was a bit self-conscious going into work in the morning, but Linda and Jenny gushed over my new look.

“Oh, I love your new image, if I was just 10 years younger I could go for that.”

“That’s a super hairstyle, it looks so easy to manage, I might try something like that, only without the pink streaks.”

“Now you’re letting your puppies loose instead of hiding them, undo the next two buttons on your blouse, show a bit more flesh and cleavage, you’ve got it girl, flaunt it.”

It all helped me to relax and just get on with serving the customers as if I was no different to before. As Fiona had suggested, with my bigger breasts staining the cloth of the blouse a bit more, and with a perkier attitude to go with my new look, the tip box looked a lot fuller than usual and at the end of the day we were all extremely happy with our little bonus.

A police car pulled up at the front of the café and Glen and Bob came in for the usual coffee and cake break. They spotted me and took a few minutes to realise who I was, only finally being sure when I went over to take their order.

“Hi guys, what can I do for you today?”

“ Don’t ask leading questions like that Ellie, we are both happily married men.” Glen quickly replied with a cheeky grin, causing my cheeks to blush as I realised what he meant.

“Behave yourself Glen.” I said as I leaned over the table to give them a better view of my cleavage. “That’s not considered very PC nowadays, apart from anything else I am far too young for you.” causing Bob to burst out laughing. I took their order and went back to the counter, making sure that they had a good view of my exaggerated hip sway as I walked.”

“You’ll be ok with those two flirting like that, they are ok and just having a bit of a laugh, but don’t play it up so much with other customers, particularly younger ones, you might cause a bit of bother.” Linda gave me a bit of motherly advice.

As they were leaving Bob suddenly stopped. “I almost forgot to tell you something. Remember a few weeks ago we asked about a missing boy, Ally Taylor, he’s still not been found but we are not looking too hard for him anymore. His father got too drunk down at the Rugby club and started mouthing off about how his family had all left him and that if he ever got them back he would let them know who was the master of the house and knock some sense into them, particularly ‘his bitch of a wife and the little wimp that he was ashamed to call his son’. He was taken in to the station to sober up, but still kept ranting about what he was going to do to them. Soon it all came out about how he had abused his family and he is currently in custody charged with domestic and child abuse and threatening behaviour. If we ever find his wife daughter or son, there is no way that he will ever be allowed to get in touch with them or live with them again.”

Fiona came over as they were telling us all this. “You need to have words with his local police and keep him locked up. He was in here the other day, mouthing off and making all sorts of threats, I was worried that he was going to have a go at me, a vile unpleasant man.”

“I doubt that he will come back but if he does, call us immediately. It seems that someone took offence at what he had been doing to his family and gave him a dose of his own medicine and he ended up in hospital again, Even his friends in the local force are not looking too hard for who gave him a severe beating, although they are fairly certain that it was some of the guys from the rugby club. They are a weird lot, they think nothing of knocking seven bells hell out of each other on the pitch, but don’t take kindly to anyone being violent off the pitch particularly abusing women and children. If any of the family ever come in here give us a call. Love the new look by the way Ellie, it suits you.”

We were exceptionally busy for the rest of the day and I didn’t get a chance to really talk to Fiona, so over dinner that evening, we talked about what Bob had said and I told her that it had taken a heavy weight off my mind.

“So now that it seems like that you have nothing to worry about from your father anymore, there is no need for you to stay disguised. If you want to become Ally again, you are still more than welcome to stay here, I’ve got used to having you around.”

“To be honest I have got used to being Ellie, and it would be a shame to waste all the money you have spent on me for the makeover and my boobs, if it’s ok with you, I’ll just stay as Ellie for the moment until I get things clear in my mind.”

To be continued.

“So Ellie, now that you know that you have nothing to worry about from your father anymore, there is no need for you to stay disguised. If you want to become Ally again, you are still more than welcome to stay here, I’ve got used to having you around.” Fiona gave me a choice.

“To be honest I have got used to being Ellie, and it would be a shame to waste all the money you have spent on me for the makeover and my boobs, if it’s ok with you, I’ll just stay here as Ellie for the moment until I get things clear in my mind.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The days soon turned into weeks and I continued to live and work as Ellie and settled into life at Ivy Lodge. Fiona and Carly became the nearest I had as family until somehow I could find Mam and Jemma. It just seemed right to fit in with them and live as Ellie, which no longer seemed strange to me, it was who I had now become. Now I was not needing to hide from my father, I toned down the makeup quite a lot to again look like a normal 16-year-old girl, instead of the more dramatic punky version created by Lorraine, but I quite liked my hair so that stayed golden auburn with pale pink streaks.

A few weeks later I was shocked to see Mam and Jemma come into the café and until I could calm myself down, I said nothing, just took and served their orders for coffee and sandwiches. After their meal Mam called me over and asked to see the manager, so I fetched Fiona and left them to it, trying to overhear their conversation from behind the servery counter.

“I’m Fiona Welbeck, the owner and manager, how can I help you?”

“I wonder if you could help us, I’m trying to find my son, who fled from abuse by my husband a few months ago. I’ve been told that it’s thought that he took a bus in this direction and I am going to every stop on the way to see if anyone ever saw him, his name is Ally Taylor or Alistair to be correct and he’s sixteen, here’s a photo of him.”

“A few weeks ago we had someone else asking about him, a big stocky and abusive, short-tempered man.”

“That sounds like Harry, my soon-to-be ex-husband. He got nowhere with his searches, but he is not the pleasantest of men and wouldn’t actually encourage anyone to tell him if they knew anything. He was arrested for drunken and threatening behaviour and once the police learned the truth about why Ally left him, they charged him with child abuse. They managed to trace me at the women’s refuge where we are staying and Jemma and I have been looking for him ever since. It worried me that we had to leave him with Harry, but Jemma and I had to get away for our own safety, always intending to return to fetch Ally when we were able to as the refuge would not allow us to bring him with us.”

“Just wait there for a moment please, there is something I need to attend to.”

Fiona came over and led me into the kitchen.

“I assume that you heard all that. I’m surprised that you just treated them like any other customer, do you not want them to know that you are here?”

“Off course, I just wanted to rush over and give them long hugs, but I was just taken by surprise and panicked, afraid of what they would think of the way I am now living.”

“Do you want to come over with me and I’ll tell them that they have now found you?”

“But what are they going to think of me looking like this, it’ll be a big shock to them and they may not like what they see.”

“What’s not to like, you’re a pleasant young attractive girl. They have been spending a lot of time and effort searching high and low for you, do you not think that they will be so delighted to have found you that anything else will not matter?”

“Sorry about that Mrs Taylor, I think can help you. I’d like to introduce you to Ellie, you know her as Ally.” She told them as she called me over.

Jemma was the first to react, her eyes widened and she jumped up, ran over to me and threw her arms around me, bursting into tears. Mam followed soon behind and the three of us were hugging kissing and crying, getting inquisitive stares from the few other customers.

“Ellie, grab your coat and bag, take your mum and sister back to the Lodge and you can have a good long chat to tell them everything that has happened.” Fiona almost pushed us out of the door, trying to get the café back to normality.

Very little was said in the car driving back to Ivy Lodge, as we were all deep in thought, mentally getting to grips with being back together again, but were soon settled in the guests’ lounge with coffee and cakes.

“I’m sorry you had to discover me like this, you must be wondering how to deal with me.”

“Don’t worry about that, the main thing is that we have found you. Tell me how my son now appears to be my daughter, and a very attractive one at that. Now I can relate to you, I can see that you and Jemma are very alike, I don’t know how I didn’t recognise you when you served at our table.’

“That’s easy to understand, you wouldn’t have expected your waitress in a skirt with big breasts, makeup and tinted hair to be your son would you.”

“Are those real?” Jemma cheekily asked staring at my breasts.

“Jemma, don’t be so rude.” Mam snapped at her.

“It’s alright, I was half expecting that. No they are not real, but I’ve grown accustomed to living with them and they are almost a natural part of me now, along with the clothes hair and makeup.”

“Now Ally, or Ellie if you prefer, tell me from the beginning everything that has happened to you.”
Mam held my hand and kept staring at me, looking me up and down trying to take in my new appearance.”

“Let’s just keep it as Ellie for the moment, if I start thinking myself as Ally, I will only get confused.

It all started after you had to get away, and I know why you needed to do that and don’t blame you for leaving me behind . Dad told me that all the household duties, cooking, shopping, cleaning, ‘woman’s work’ as he called it, were now my responsibility, and when I complained or if anything wasn’t to his liking I got a lot of abuse, usually just a tongue lashing, but sometimes a few slaps or a beating. He then decided that as I was doing all the woman’s work that I should look like one too and insisted, except when I was at school, that I should always dress in clothes Jemma had left behind and wear makeup.

It developed from there and with him insisting that my name was now Ellie to suit the role in life he had forced on me, I came to accept it and soon I was so used to it that I thought nothing of going down to the shops or for a walk around town as Ellie, just glad to get away from him. It all came to an end one night when he came into my bedroom, telling me that he had physical needs and that it was now my job, as the woman of the house, to satisfy him. He tried to rape me, but luckily I managed to give him a couple of frenzied kicks to his manhood and while he was recovering I escaped from the house.”

“Oh, you poor thing, if I had known he was going to treat you like that, I would’ve just sent Jemma away and stayed to protect you from him, I would rather he mistreated me than abuse you.” She managed to say through her tears and sobbing, squeezing my hand tightly. “How did you end up here living and working as a girl, surely once you had got away, you could have put on your boys’ clothes again.”

“I thought that there would be less chance of any of Dad’s drinking friends recognising me and reporting back to him if I stayed in my skirt and makeup until I got out of town. I got talking to a girl on the bus, Carly, Fiona’s daughter, and when she heard about my father’s abuse of me, she insisted that I stayed here at Ivy Lodge until I got things sorted out. Although Fiona soon found out the truth about me, and later told Carly, she had got used to me being around helping here and in the café, and I had got used to the feelings of comfort and safety, and the way I was now dressing, that it all just drifted on from then. Fiona has been really good to me, she has been looking after me as if I was another daughter for her, and to be honest she likes my company now that Carly is away at college. I definitely fell on my feet when I met Carly on the bus.”

“Are you truly comfortable with life’s as a girl, you really look and act the part, but honestly do you not feel weird.” Jemma jumped in with another big question, getting a disapproving look from Mam.

“To be honest Jemma, I don’t really think about it anymore. I just wake up get dressed and ready for work and get on with things, I don’t even think that I am doing anything other than normal behaviour. Look we all have a lot to think about and loads more to talk through, we are not busy here this week why not stay for a few days for us to sort things out. I’ll prepare two of the guest rooms for you, go and get your things out of the car and get freshened up and settled in.”

While they were sorting themselves out in their rooms, I chopped up some veg and chicken breasts into a casserole dish for later when Fiona got back, I was more comfortable keeping myself busy than doing nothing but think about what was happening.

Jemma soon joined me in the kitchen while Mam stayed upstairs having a rest.

“This is going to sound weird, and it’s not something I thought would ever happen, but we have only come out for the day and don’t have a change of clothes, have you got anything I can borrow to change into, something clean and fresh? I feel awkward as I am not used to having a sister, which is more or less what you are now, and it’s what sisters do, swap clothes and accessories and things.”

“Not a problem Jemma. A lot of the stuff I have is yours anyway, that I salvaged when I returned to the house when he wasn’t around. I’ll show you where my room is and leave you to have a browse through the wardrobe and drawers. If it’s your stuff, and it still fits, you can keep it.”

A half-hour later she came back down, gone were the Jeans and cotton top, she had found one of her old dresses, a sleeveless cream shift just above the knee, had brushed out her ponytail so that her hair was hanging loose over her shoulders and she had raided my makeup table.

“My god Jemma, you really scrub up well, I can hardly remember you wearing a dress except for special occasions or if you were going out on a date, you look really beautiful.”

“Well I couldn’t be outdone by my baby sister could I Ellie? Come back upstairs get out of your work clothes and we’ll pick out something for you, after all it is a bit of a celebration tonight.”

“I usually now wore skirts and tops, very rarely a dress, but Jemma insisted that I put on one I had bought for myself, a light floral nipped-waist midi dress that I thought was quite summery and feminine. Without a second thought I stripped off my blouse and bra, causing Jemma to catch her breath when she saw the breast forms hanging on my chest.

“I know that you said that the breast forms were almost part of you now, but I didn’t realise that they were permanently fixed, it’s almost as if you have somehow suddenly grown your own.”

“Why look so shocked Jemma I’m sure that you have seen other girl’s breasts before in the changing rooms at school.”

“True, but not on you.” she giggled.

I put on a fresh bra, one of the more lacy ones that had belonged to Jemma, but turned my back as I changed into matching panties, I had to draw the line somewhere, slipped into my dress, freshened my makeup and was ready to go.

“Hey you have turned out not so bad yourself Ellie, in many ways you are now a younger version of me, let’s go show Mam her two beautiful daughters.”

When we knocked on her bedroom door, Mam was already up and about again, but nearly fell over with surprise when she saw the two of us all dressed up.

“You two are gorgeous, I feel such a frump in these jeans and top.”

“Fiona is due back soon, if I ask her nicely she might be able to find something for you to change into. It’s a good excuse for us all, Fiona included, to glam up a bit and celebrate our family reunion.”

I didn’t even have to ask Fiona, when she saw Jemma and me all dressed up and Mum in the jeans she had been wearing all day looking for me, she took Mam’s hand and led her upstairs, “Come on Caroline, let’s find some glad rags for ourselves we can’t let the girls outshine us.”

They were upstairs a long time but when they came back downstairs, our jaws dropped and our eyes widened in surprise, Fiona and Mam were both dressed in slinky, figure-hugging cocktail dresses, their hair brushed out, curled and styled, and both beautifully made-up.

“Gosh Mum,” I spluttered, I can’t remember ever seeing you look so gorgeous.”

“Your father never liked me to be dressed too fancy and with too much make-up, he thought that it would encourage me to flirt with other men, it’s a nice feeling to look feminine and glamorous for a change.”

“Right you two, Caroline and I have been talking upstairs. Since we are all dressed up, let’s not waste it. There is a lovely little restaurant down in the village, I phoned up to make a reservation, get your things together we are having a celebration night out, your casserole smells delicious, but it will be ok in the fridge until tomorrow.”

We had a wonderful night out together, Mam, Jemma and I had a lot of catching up to do and Fiona was a keen listener, chipping in occasionally with how she had met me, and got used to having me around, almost as a second daughter. It was a much more relaxed and sociable atmosphere than if we had stayed at the Lodge and eaten in the pleasant but a bit lacking-in-character guest breakfast room or in our kitchen/diner. We had a corner table away from other diners and were able to talk freely and admire the view over the river to the hills and moors beyond.

“Are you still in the refuge Caroline.” asked Fiona.

“I would like to return home, but until Harry is locked up, or there is at least a restraining order stopping him coming near us, I wouldn’t feel safe or comfortable going back there.”

“Why not stay here at the Lodge, it’s rarely that all the rooms are taken, and Ellie and you still need to sort yourselves out and decide what you want to do.”

“ I couldn’t impose on you Fiona, and I can’t afford to pay you to stay here.”

“Don’t be silly, as we keep saying Ellie is now almost one of the family and you are her family, so you are more than welcome. Besides next week I have a block booking from guests attending a wedding in the village church, for eight of the rooms. Normally when I am busy like that Carly tries to come home to help out, but she has some exams and can’t get back this time, so it would be a big favour to me if you could stay to help out for that. If you are happy running the place I can concentrate on the café, Ellie can work there with me, and you and Jemma can prepare the rooms and do breakfast, it’ll make my life a lot easier. What about the refuge, are you ok to leave there?”

“To be honest I think that they will be happy for us to leave, they are full up at the moment and are having to turn people away, they’ll be glad to get our room back for someone desperately in need.”

“Right, it is agreed, in the morning go back there and get all your stuff and move into your rooms here, I’m sure that they will be more comfortable than what you have now. It’s one of Ellie’s days at the Lodge so she can show you the ropes, where everything is and what needs doing.”

After breakfast, while I tidied the place up, Mam and Jemma went off to collect their stuff and say their goodbyes. They were soon back, settled in and looking forward to learning the ropes of how the Lodge was managed and operated.and getting into a routine dealing with guests, taking bookings and registering cold-callers, they were glad to be busy again after spending so much time searching for me. They had got used to me being Ellie, Mam was just concerned that I was safe and happy, Jemma was delighted to have me as a sister that she could share confidences and clothes with. How I looked and acted was the least of their worries. Mam being around all day to handle phone calls or people turning up at the door when Fiona and I were down at the café meant that the guest numbers were rising and at times we had to disappoint potential guests when we were full up.

‘Hi Carly, we weren’t expecting you, but it’s good to see you again, how have you been keeping, did your exams go ok?” I gushed a bit, as I gave her a long hug so glad to see her back home.”

“Hey don’t hug so tight, I can hardly breathe. This is the first chance I’ve had to get back, and I just had to come and meet your mum and Jemma, Mum’s told me so much about them and how they have settled in here.”

“Let’s get your things up to your room, even when we are full it’s still kept there just for your use, or if we’re really busy, I give up my room and move in for a few days, guests are not allowed in there. When you have sorted yourself out, I’ll be down in the kitchen with Mam and Jemma, they’ll be delighted to meet you as the girl who turned my life around.”

When she came down, Mam and Jemma rushed over to her and group-hugged her, with tears forming in Mam’s eyes. “Thank you so much Carly, you could have just ignored Ellie on the bus, leaving her to end up God knows where, it was so kind of you to bring her to your home.”

“No need for that it’s been a delight to have a little sister, and now it seems that I have two, nice to meet you Jemma.”

While Mum and I busied ourselves about the house, Jemma and Carly went off to Carly’s room to get to know each other better, and probably gossip and share their thoughts on me and my changed life.

“Come on upstairs with us Ellie,” Jemma said when they came back down later, “your big sisters are taking you out for a night on the town, You’ve been hiding yourself away in here since you arrived, it’s time that you learned the delights of getting glammed up and having a night on the pull.”

“I don’t want to go ‘on the pull’ as you so crudely put it, don’t forget, despite what I look and act like, that I am not a girl.”

“Don’t be daft, we just mean a bit of dancing, a bit of flirting , maybe even a bit of snogging, you don’t have to drop your panties for the first boy that takes an interest in you. If you are going to keep living as a girl, you need to learn to relax and enjoy yourself like the rest of us.

To be continued.

“Come on upstairs with us Ellie,” Jemma said when they came back down later, “your big sisters are taking you out for a night on the town, You’ve been hiding yourself away in here since you arrived, it’s time that you learned the delights of getting glammed up and having a night on the pull.”

“I don’t want to go ‘on the pull’ as you so crudely put it, don’t forget, despite what I look and act like, that I am not a girl.”

“Don’t be daft, we just mean a bit of dancing, a bit of flirting , maybe even a bit of snogging, you don’t have to drop your panties for the first boy that takes an interest in you. If you are going to keep living as a girl, you need to learn to relax and enjoy yourself like the rest of us.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Mam was a bit reluctant to let me go out with them, but they promised to look after me and not let me get into dangerous situations. A bit later, wearing a dress that stretched tightly across my bust and flared from my waist to a hem not far below my panties, and full evening-out makeup, I edged warily down the stairs tottering on unfamiliar 4” heels, followed by the girls who were dressed in even more revealing outfits

Mam and Fiona took one look at us, rolling their eyes.

“Be careful that you don’t get the wrong attention, and that applies to all three of you, not just to Ellie, dressed like that boys could get the wrong idea and think that you will be easy.” Mum gave us a stern warning look.”

“Where we are going we might even seem a bit overdressed, there will be girls a lot more likely to get the wrong attention than we will get.” Carly cheekily replied as we flounced out to her car.

“Look, you two know the damage that too much booze can cause, and I am driving and will have to stay sober, let’s keep to the soft drinks, we can still have a good time.” Carly suggested.

We started off in a couple of music bars, keeping to mocktails, but otherwise chatting to boys who Carly and Jemma were mildly flirting with, and gradually I followed their leads, and soon learned the dangers of very short tight dresses and accidental hand brushes acres my bottom or bust, but made sure that was as far as it went. Three of the lads asked us to join them at a nearby club, where we were intending to go anyway, which saved us the expense of paying the entry fee ourselves.

Jim, that I was paired with, was the quietest and shyest of the three of them, and luckily was the perfect gentleman, almost, not being quite as hands-on as the two of his friends who seemed to be groping Carly and Jemma as they danced, but the girls didn’t seem to be objecting too much.

Every now and again the DJ played a slow smoochy number and I found myself being pulled in by my hips closely to Jim who was obviously expected a kiss and possibly even more. I panicked, not knowing how to react and fled from the dance floor to the safety of the ladies toilets, where I sat down, locked the cubicle door, and tried to compose myself. A few minutes later there was a knock on the cubicle door.

“Ellie are you in there.” whispered Jemma

“I am, leave me alone for a few minutes.”

“Stop messing about, open up and let’s go somewhere not too busy and have a chat.”

We found a relatively quiet corner well away from the bars and dance floor and sat silently for a few minutes.

“What happened, did he grope you or try it on?”

“Not really, there is nothing to cause a fuss with him about, it is just me. He pulled me in close and went to kiss me, and I could feel him getting aroused, I panicked, not knowing what to do.”

“Look Ellie, all us girls have been there, the first time a boy had pushed towards us for a snog, and the first time we have felt an erection in a boy’s trousers, we have all panicked, it doesn’t mean that they are about to pull your panties down, it is all just part of the flirting game. Get yourself back out there and go back to Jim, have a laugh and a dance with him. Just tell him that it is not a good time for you, the time of the month, and you are feeling a bit off. He’ll calm it down a bit, boys are even more embarrassed about periods than we are and it’s usually a turn off for them. I’ll keep an eye on you and if it starts getting heavy again give me a little finger wave and we’ll all go back home.”

I rejoined Jim, apologised for rushing off and after that we just had a good time together. At the end of the night there was another slow number, but this time I was more relaxed and let him pull me towards him until I tilted my head back to look up at him and our lips touched. It was like an electric shock for me and surprisingly I felt elated and excited rather than the panic I had felt before. We stayed close like that for the rest of the dance until the main lights came on to chase people out, and Carly came over to tell me we were leaving. I gave Jim a hug and another quick kiss, leaving him looking a bit disappointed that I hadn’t offered to give him my phone number, and followed Carly and Jemma back to the car.

“Did you enjoy your girls’ night out then Ellie? You seemed to be having a good time with Jim, you looked like you didn’t want to let go of him.” Jemma asked with a big grin.

“Yes I did, but I get the feeling that I cramped your style a little bit, truthfully if I hadn’t been with you would you have gone off with your two lads?”

“Let’s just say that I was getting a bit worked up, but tonight was not the night for it, as I said before, you need to experience life as a girl and it’s my job to help you along the way. Besides good girls never go all the way on the first date, not until you sober up the next morning and think about whether you want to get to know them better. By the way clean up your lipstick smears and reapply it, you don’t want Mam to get the wrong idea.”

The excitement and confusion of the night out left me tossing and turning in my bed for a long time until eventually I dropped off to sleep. Waking up the next morning I looked at my bedside clock, it was almost 10:00, I was supposed to be at the café hours ago. I quickly dressed and made my way to the kitchen to grab a coffee before I rushed off, only to find Jemma and Carly sitting there waiting for me.

“Good morning sleepyhead, calm down, there’s no rush. Mam has gone in with Fiona to help out in the café, you are working here today. We told them that you were just a bit exhausted after a late night and too much dancing, we never mentioned your big goodnight kiss with Jim though, what they don’t know won’t hurt them.”Jemma told me as she brought over coffee and toast.

“What did you think of your first girls’ night out with us then Ellie, you seemed to really get into the swing of things and enjoy yourself? By the way, you acted perfectly all night just as any other girl out for the first time with her big sisters, there was no sign of Ally at all, being a girl suits you.” Carly added.

“Between us, it was the best night I’ve ever had out, as Ally I didn’t really have any close friends to have a good time with and on the few occasions I took a girl out, I was so nervous and on edge about how to behave that I couldn’t relax. Last night out with the pair of you, I just felt that at last I didn’t have to think about what I was doing, I just took things as they came and acted naturally.”

“As I just said, being a girl suits you, are you going to stay as lively, bubbly, outgoing attractive Ellie, or are you hankering to get back to being boring, dull, shy, plain Ally? I’ve never seen you so relaxed and enjoying yourself, even in the café you are mixing with people effortlessly. You seem to have settled into life as a girl, you need to think about what you want to do.” Jemma took my hand and looked into my eyes as she said it.

“Back off please. Since I was forced into dressing and behaving as a girl by Dad, I have just got used to it, particularly being around females all the time, here with you two and our mams, at work with Jenny and Linda, I just seem to fit in easier as Ellie.”

“I’ve only ever known you as Ellie, and to me you are, and always will be, a girl, you are as natural at it as any of my friends.” Carly moved in closer and took my other hand, I felt a bit like the filling in a sandwich getting squeezed from both sides.”

“Sorry to break up your onslaught on me, but I think I’ll be better off down the café mixing with people and let Mam come back here, can you give me a lift please Carly?”

The rest of the morning was just routine, everything going smoothly, although my mind kept drifting to what the girls had said about needing to decide my future. At lunchtime Glen and Bob came in for their usual snack and as I was not busy, I sat down for a chat with them. After a bit of general social chat I raised the subject that was really on my mind

“We are all interested in whether you ever found that boy you were looking for, he seems to have been missing for a long time, are people not concerned?”

“Apparently, there is not a lot that can be done. Most of what the local police know about his father points to him being a violent abusive man, but it’s all hearsay and second-hand gossip. The mother and sister have disappeared again and the boy has never been found. Unless any of them is prepared to give more information that can be used as evidence in court, it’s unlikely that there will be any charges or conviction other than the minor offences of being drunk and disorderly, and threatening behaviour. He has been released on bail and is continuing to mouth off about his disloyal family and what he will do when he finds any of them.”

“I thought you had said that when he was arrested he admitted to abusive behaviour, is that not enough?”

“He was still drunk at the time, even a half-trained lawyer will drive a coach and horses through that admission and have it declared inadmissible. You seem extremely interested in this case, do you know more than you are letting on?”

“Of course not, let’s just say that I know what it’s like to suffer abuse myself and I feel for the family, and leave it at that, I don’t want to open old wounds and bad memories.”

“Ok, but if you ever want to follow up on what happened to you, let us know.”

That evening I told Mam and Jemma what they had said.

“It seems that Dad is on the loose again, and is still looking for us. I’ve been thinking about reporting his attempted rape of me, along with all the other abuse I had to suffer, would you be prepared to do the same, particularly his attempted rape of you Jemma. It’s the only way that we can get him locked up and feel safe again.”

“I’ve been trying to forget it, but it keeps coming back in my dreams to disturb me. I agree with you, but can we trust the police?”

“Glen and Bob are ok, if we start by telling them, in confidence, unofficially, and see what they say about keeping our whereabouts secret if we make an official statement.”

I called the number Glen had given me which got me through directly to them rather than through their station and asked them if they could come to the Lodge to talk to me, and the next morning they called around just in time have their breakfast with us.

“Ok Ellie, what’s this about?”

“This is a private chat between friends and is not official, is that ok for you?”

“Go ahead but if it is anything significant we may have to report it.”

“This is Mrs Caroline Taylor, and her daughter Jemma, the people your colleagues are looking for in relation to charges against Harry Taylor. They are prepared to tell you about the abuse they suffered including an attempted rape on Jemma, I’ll let them tell you their stories.”

Leaving me out of it they briefly told how they had both suffered violence and abuse, and how the son, Ally, had been treated by his father, keeping back the fact that I was actually Ally.

“That will give the prosectors enough to go on, particularly as you, Mrs Taylor, witnessed the attack on your daughter. The icing on the cake would be if Ally could be found and confirm what he had seen and heard over the years, have you any idea where to find him?”

I took a deep breath and steeled myself for their reaction, stood up and walked over to them. “Actually you are looking at him, I’m really Ally, Ellie was a way to escape from him and I’ve continued to live as a girl since then, as you well know.”

“Is this a joke, if it is it’s not funny, we’ve known you for months, that can’t be true.” Bob replied as I looked at their shocked and confused faces.

“I don’t understand, what, why, when?” Glen followed up to react and just about managed to get the words out before getting tongue-tied.

“Let me tell you things from the beginning, you might then understand and I’ll be happy to answer any more questions.”

“Many times we heard Mam and Dad arguing and she was often bruised the following morning, she can tell you all the details about that later. All through our childhood Jemma and I suffered constant put-downs, verbal abuse, and physical abuse from him. One night a few months ago I heard a big row, shouting and screaming, and woke up the next morning to find Mam and Jemma had left home, leaving me with Dad.They can tell you more about what happened, but the bare fact is that Dad tried to rape Jemma and only stopped because Mam was attacking him to get him to stop.

When Mam and Jemma had left he decided that all the housekeeping duties were now down to me, ‘woman’s work’ he called it, as he considered that was all I was fit for. That developed into him forcing me to become the woman of the house, wearing girls clothes and makeup, giving me beatings when I argued with him about it. It ended up that the only times I didn’t dress and appear female was when I went to school, but even then I was having to wear girls’ knickers under my trousers.

The final straw was one night when he tried to rape me, “to really know what it is like to be a girl”. I managed to fight him off by kicking him hard in the groin which gave me a chance to escape. On the bus out of town I met Carly and ended up here, where Fiona and Carly have been like a second family to me.”

“That sounds appalling Ellie, are you prepared to repeat that and all the details in a formal statement and later in court. I assume that you will not be able to prove what he did to you, but it will all help to show his character.”

“Yes, of course, we cannot hide away for ever worrying about him finding us. It might be worth checking his medical records to find the treatment he had for badly damaged testicles.”

Mam and Jemma went through their stories with them again in more detail, and they were particularly interested in the attempted rape of Jemma as Mam was a witness to that and it would carry more weight in court.

‘We’re going back to the station to see what can be arranged about keeping your whereabouts secret, even from the local police that know your father, but it’s their case, not ours, and you will sometime have to speak to them.”

A week later Glen drove the three of us in an unmarked car back to our hometown for official interviews. To keep my new identity a secret I was again in Ally’s clothes, well-scrubbed of any traces of makeup and with my hair tinted and brushed into as near a boys’ style as we could get it. We were interviewed by a Chief Inspector Evans who was new to the area and did not know my father, and went through our stories again answering lots of background questions and signed formal statements, before being driven back to the Lodge.

When we got back I went straight to my room to to return to the comfort of being Ellie again, resigning my Ally clothes to the back of the wardrobe, somehow I felt safer and more relaxed once more.

Glen and Bob came in for their normal break a few weeks later and called me over. “We’ve heard that a couple of the police in your hometown have been severely reprimanded by CI Evans for abusing access to official police search engines to try to get information of your whereabouts for your father, and that he is again in custody, charged with two counts of attempted rape. If you need to go back to the house to get anything it should be safe to do so. We’re off-duty soon either of us would be quite happy to go back with you just to make sure that you are ok.”

Again Ally came out of the wardrobe, so that if any of our old neighbours saw us they would just see the family that used to live there. Glen drove us there and waited outside in the car to make sure that nobody else came in. When we went in we were appalled at the state of the place. The house was a complete mess, dust, dirt and cobwebs everywhere, bottles cans and takeaway packs lying all around, the sink piled high with dirty dishes, and clothes strewn all over the rooms. Mam was in tears, she had worked so hard to try to keep the house clean and tidy and was disgusted and how her husband had let it turn into a pigsty.

Just ignoring the mess, apart from taking a few photos that the police may find useful, we collected what personal items of ours were still there, including a box containing some paperwork files including the deeds to the house and suchlike, took a last look at the house where we had lived for so many years and were driven back to the Lodge by Glen, deep in our own thoughts.

We took all our stuff to our rooms to sort out later, then Jemma and I went down to tell Fiona what we had found, leaving Mam in her room to sort a few things out. Sometime later she came down with some papers in her hands.

“Let’s all sit down there is something I need to discuss with you all, Fiona included. When we went back home it brought back too many memories of the bad times and all the abuse, and I don’t think that I could be comfortable living there anymore. These are the deeds to the house and they confirm that the house was bought in my name with a big deposit from my parents, and is totally my property, your father has no claim on it. I intend to get it fixed up and put it on the market, the sooner we can leave our old life behind the better.”

“But where will we live?” Jemma quickly asked.

“That’s why I wanted Fiona to stay with us. Unless she would rather not, I would like for us to stay here. However, we cannot depend on her goodwill and charity forever, so I am offering to put a big proportion from the sale of the house into the business here and form some sort of partnership and joint ownership. If she doesn’t want that we can stay here as permanent guests at an agreed rent, or look for somewhere of our own. What do you all think?”

Jemma and I looked over to Fiona, waiting for her reaction, before we said anything.

“Sounds good to me, as I have said before Ellie is almost family here and treats this place as her home, you are her family and are more than welcome to stay, you have been a big help in re-organising things and improving our bookings. We can sort out the details later, but it sounds like a good plan, let’s get a bottle of fizz and celebrate.”

I rushed over and threw my arms around her. “That’s brilliant, I have been so happy here, I can’t think of a better way forward.” Mam and Jemma soon joined us in a group hug.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Epilogue

Over the next few months Mam hired a home-maintenance company to go into the old family home, clear up the mess, clean it all up, spruce up the paintwork and freshen up the furniture before it went on the market and it was soon snapped up at a much better price than we had expected. We were able to leave all our unhappy memories of our time there behind us and live a much pleasanter life at Ivy Lodge.

My father was convicted of attempted rape of Jemma and me, in addition to charges for all the abuse he had directed at us and Mam, after what was my my last appearance as Ally as I gave my testimony in court. When he was sentenced to a long prison term he was furious, shouting and raving at the judge and at us as we sat in the public gallery, delighted that he would be out of our way for many years. We later heard that he had been seriously physically and sexually assaulted in prison for raping one of the younger prisoners who was considered be the property of a gangland leader who more or less ran the wing. We weren’t told all the details but were assured that he would never be able to rape anybody ever again, and would spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair. He got no sympathy from any of us, we all thought that he had got his just rewards for what he had done to us.

I continued to live as Ellie, starting a course of hormone treatment that would eventually lead to surgery to confirm my condition as a full woman that I have since become, helped along the way by the best of advice from my two mams and two sisters.

Jemma went off to college to join up with Carly, studying economics and corporate management, and between them later formed a business development company which was very successful. Despite Jemma still being slightly mentally scarred for my father’s attack on her, she and Carly both found kind caring boyfriends who treated them well, and at both their weddings I was proud to act as a bridesmaid.

Mam and I remained at Ivy Lodge and helped Fiona run it and the café, and a few years later they retired to spend more time enjoying life, leaving me to manage everything myself. From being a shy, subdued withdrawn weedy boy, I had now become a confident outgoing attractive businesswoman, enjoying life to the full and had no regrets at the changed direction of my life.

The end