I figured out something from my youth today
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Okay for some reason, this morning I was thinking about how when I was a kid I had a very specific routine when it came to being dressed.
It occurred to me the routine was what would be approprate for wearing some more feminine clothing - underwear, socks, then bottoms and then top being reasonable if you replace the socks with pantyhose.
It seems that I was pretending to dress more feminine as a way to cope with my dysphoria, which would make sense.
not sure what figuring that out now gets me, but knowledge is power, I guess.