Today, I must pretend I'm okay

This morning I found myself thinking about my rapes and my gender issues.

When I first went for counseling, all I was hoping for was to find out for sure if my rapes had caused me to be transgender. I didn't think it would be possible to heal me from the damage done, but I hoped to understand and perhaps settle the issue of my gender identity.

The result was it seems that the two issues are not connected in a cause and effect way, so if one had been removed, I would still be dealing with the other.

Despite that, sometimes I wish solving one would solve the other, so my burden would be that much less, as both seem too heavy for me at the moment.

And today I must at least pretend I'm okay, as we are celebrating my daughter's birthday.