Always A Woman

Much to my astonishment, Storysite.org is still open! I first published there in 2001 or before as Credence Brown. I found one of my original stories there called "Swan Song". It is about a page. I remember it as a True Story and it answers a question for me. I had long ago forgotten about it, and at times now, sometimes I feel guilty for trying to be a woman now.

This hurts terribly, but I promise, no suicide or talk of it. It provides validation for me, showing that I was always a girl, even as a toddler. I have no idea if my Mother put this idea in me or not. I do remember that I liked wearing a dress. I'm told that in the old days, even boys got dresses to make it easier to change their diapers. I had blonde baby hair, that turned black, and in my dotage it is now grey. It does not matter. She called me a girl and I loved it. Late in life, I now know that I am Intersex. Can someone explain to me why I should be punished for being me???

This is very hard to think about. I got my first whipping with a belt by the man who would become my step father. He was too much of a creep to legally adopt me or my brothers. I got my hatred of Males from him. According to my beliefs, to be forgiven, I have to forgive him. I've done that and hope that I never did such a monstrous thing to anyone else.

Occasionally, a man seems very nice to me but there is no chance that I will ever let one into my life on an intimate level.