I'm fraying at the edges

Anybody who has gone through male puberty can tell you, it's stressful. It's stressful enough for a cis boy with no other major stressors, but it was worse in my case, as neither of those things was true for me.

The worst part was whenever I got aroused, and my male equipment did what it's supposed to do under those circumstances. Those moments were incredibly painful, both physically and psychologically, and I sometimes feel I barely survived them.

So why am I bringing this up now? Because despite years of female hormones and testosterone blockers, it still happens, and time has not made the experience any less stressful. It seems to happen most often and night, which has made my bedtime much more stressful. It's wearing me down, and I'm fraying at the edges.