a kiss isnt just a kiss?

So last night, I got to thinking about a conversation I had a few days ago, where I mentioned I always found kissing someone on the lips upsetting. And in fact I used to say I'd rather kiss or be kissed anywhere but the lips. As I was mulling this over, it occurred to me that this sense of panic reminded me of the panic I got going into a shower, and I wondered if it has a similar cause - that at some point, a kiss on the lips got associated with something terrible, something I couldnt recall consciously recall but my body responded to. I started to shake and cry and thought, "there's MORE ick in my brain? I thought I got it all."

Fortunately, this morning one of the lovely ladies from my church called, and by the end of the call I was feeling better.

But still, I'm gonna do some digging on this, so hugs appreciated.