Tragedy of the Spirit

Resting and somewhat relaxing today after a unpleasant night. I am getting quite restless. I am also kind of sad and as the reality strikes home for me that I may have to have a new liver after a transplant. I wonder what my life will be and become? It is and may sound crazy, but thoughts of a renewal of my life again is oddly appealing and also on the same coin only flipside disheartening. I wonder what may come here if I had not undergone this surgery..my answer is probably better than laying here with tubes and wires attached. I only have certain visitors arrive, doctors , nurses and the like. I am pretty much kept in ICU for now which has a limited schedule for visiting hours. Kinda sad to think that those I do know do not visit. It makes for a lonely time. One of the night nurses brought me a few books and a newspaper so I can keep up on the news. It is kinda boreing, lonely, depressing too say the least to spend so much time alone and only sleep. I hope to get a pass to walk about. Yeah right. That will be hard. I have the "idiot box" set up here to watch what I feel I want too, however , non stop commercials does not make entertainment. Anyways, I appologize for a bit of a rant on the friday, I would so much like to be outside enjoying the sun today instead of this depressing room that is void of color. Blessings one and all.

Mellissa (prairie_girl_64)