I'm getting worse

I'm having breakdowns so often now I've had two just today I don't think I have long before I have a full breakdown, I'm not sure I'll survive the next one last time I had a sharp blade, towels and other things. I'm not sure I want to every time my mom says or does something to remind me of how she let me down so hard, it hurts so deeply and I'm not sure I can take much more of that kind of pain, it's crushing me.

I'm not in going to hurt myself right now but I can now see where I'm gonna end up if I can't make the pain a little less it hurts more every time it happens. See previous post, she was a good mom excepting that but every time I think of how she let me down it's hurts more and more.

I can't handle being among non family for more then a half hour and that's pushing it, I'm not together enough to work right now it's why I'm still with my parents