PTSD very bad ...

Lately I have been shying away from anything violent or depicting violence. It's gotten so bad that even too much tension in a movie or story will cause me to walk out or close that page.

This week end, with the 9/11 stuff splashed all over the media, it was very hard. Oh, I get feeling the sorrow, and honoring the victims, but I do that sort of thing privately, very privately. I don't wish to wail in public to get others to recognize me as being something else. It pisses me off to the max how the media can feed off our grief to make money on it. Believe me, you do not want to know what I see as the cause of 9/11.

OK, so no drama, suicide or anything self aggrandizing. I know I can't go see my military psych person because she will just want me on a bunch of drugs that fuck me up, so they can kiss my ass. I'm gonna go shower, clean the apartment, and then go sit by a local waterfall to see if I can stop the pity party.