Needing to feel safe

I've been fully living as a woman a little over 9 years, but I know other girls here who have been at it for 15 or 20 or more years. Interestingly, if we aren't too self destructive, it is said that T girls live longer owing to the absence of Testosterone. I hope to see that played out in some of you.

Those who know me see me as this tough lady who is blunt but loving. A couple people that know me seem to want to take care of me and protect me, and I actually do enjoy and am thankful for someone caring about me.

It has been a rough day and idle thoughts of suicide are drifting through my head, but I want to assure you that I will not hurt myself. I just need to feel free to emote without people feeling anxiety over my being temporarily unhappy. Believe me, my life is comfortable, secure and mostly happy, but not tonight.

I converted to Mormonism almost three years ago and they have been kind and loving to me at the Ward and Stake level. And, I believe in and practice all the stuff. They have expended a lot of effort to help me become happy again.

So, what happened to night tipped over my rocker horse. One of the Stake counselors told me that I should not carry out a planned low budget camping trip to Idaho because I would not be safe. His words shocked me, and I must say that I am feeling quite low now.

It is shocking because not one single person has ever said anything like that to me. Much to my utter astonishment I pass, and in the church and other places that has evolved into subtle transgender or intersex activism that I pray will help us all eventually. And I must say that I think our lot has improved a lot since the 1950's when they simply killed us.

I know full well that if some of you were standing near me, you would smack me in the face, because you struggle so hard,and now this bitch Gwen is complaining.