Mostly Harmless

I've worked very hard to become harmless.

Even before my transition, I chose retreat over attack most of the time, because I know what I am capable of if I lost control - and the times I have have lost control have only reinforced that decision.

Being a girl doesn't make me more harmless, all it does is remove a stressor that might cause me to slip and lose control. I still have to do the work to remain harmless, even yet.

Because I have made this decision, people often shake their heads at me when I tell them that without that my constant work, I would in fact be very dangerous. All they see is the gentle, sweet, and kind person I project, and that's the way I like it.

If I am really lucky, they will never get to see the dangerous part of me. Because if they did, I doubt very much they would want to be anywhere near me ...

I wish I could kill that dangerous part of me, but I dont think that's possible. The best I can do is control, control, control ...

Who would have ever guessed that my gender issues would turn out to be the easiest part of me to fix ?

Ah, well.