I find myself wishing I could go out this Halloween

I have said here before that for most of my life I hated Halloween. I always felt like I couldnt go out as a girl because I might cause people to wonder about my masculinity, or rather my lack of the same.

But now, for some reason, I find myself wishing I could afford a costume and knew of a good adult Halloween party I could go to. But, lack of money, and lack of somewhere safe I could go means I will be on the sidelines when for the first time I actually want to be the game ...

ah, well.