The Daemons have returned.

I owe my life greatly to several people here on BCTS who were strong and obstinate enough to call me on my shit years ago when I was an "endangered species".

For the last 2 1/2 years, life has been pleasant in ways that were never experienced in the entirety of my previous life. I finally became empowered woman, though lost my Hijab. At times I still miss it greatly.

I never sought life in a special society just for Trans folk, I insisted on a normal life as a normal woman in normal society, so for me most of life since January 2005 has been about striving to learn to become a woman in speech, mannerisms, deportment and appearance. Much to my utter astonishment I seem to have arrived, yet I am still my own worst critic. And recently I can see that certain of my actions have been consummately self destructive. Can it be that the tormentor daemons from my past have returned?

Much to my horror, certain people I have encountered at my church and my university, and at the local medical school, want to see my life as a crusade for GBLT rights. I do not feel strong enough to be social warrior. Criticism from Bigots is so wounding, I feel without strength to bear it. I feel the best way to seek change in culture is to live a happy life, not drawing attention to ourselves.

A return to the modesty and seclusion of the Islam that I practiced seems ever more appealing to me.

G