Can't shake this feeling

If I was in a better position financially I would commit myself to a mental ward and never leave. I am dangerously depressed and sleep deprived. Things are going well, but I am so fearful that the bottom is going to drop out and that I'm going to lose everything. I would rather die than to see that happen and that worries me.

I am so tired of the fight, so tired of the struggle, so tired of people looking down at me and sneering at me.

It started a few weeks ago. I intercepted my roommates Facebook page and saw a message he left to one of his friends. In it he calls me "That crossdressing fagot and repeatedly refers to me and Felix as 'it'. If I had any backbone I would kick him out, but with new developments, I might need his money to keep things afloat for Felix.

Since then things have gotten worse and not worse if that makes any sense. I have never been in a relationship like I have with Felix, but I fear losing it. Sooner or later he is going to realize that I'm not worth the time or effort.

Also, I might have broken my foot. It has been hurting for a week now and is really swollen. I'm hoping I just jammed the toe, but my sandals don't fit and they hurt to wear them (They fit when feet are normal size).

I have a redneck at work that hurls curses at me constantly. I think he wants to fight, something I was never good at (I just choke people).

Working 7 days a week between 2am and 7am is also taking a toll.

Many other problems revolving work for Felix

Money is tight

I bitch to much and annoy people who read the blogs.

Lastly, I think I lost my latest story. I got 130k words and my muse died on me. I think it is the stress of everything else. Not to mention that I shouldn't open my mouth on FM and have been attacked over there.

Just say a prayer for me or light a candle or hire a hitman to end it, at this point, I don't care which.