Where I am

I feel very unworthy, very unloved, and very ugly today. Perhaps I need to realize that I will never gain acceptance and at best can only hope to be tolerated. Maybe I should give up on the goal of being honest with the world and with myself since it has been brought to my attention that I will never pass. The 1 thing that I don't want to be is seen as a joke or carnival sideshow.

Last night my roommate informs me that no matter how much hormones I take, how much electrolysis I go through or how much I spend on I wardrobe, I will always look like a dude and everyone can tell. It wasn't the first time he had expressed such a sentiment and I doubt it will be the last. I feel very deflated, primarily because he is probably right. I will have a pity party for a little while, go to sleep, pray for death and wake up in time to go to work and continue this miserable existence. Perhaps tomorrow will be better.