The worst pain

Well, last night was a rough one for me. It started with an uncomfortable feeling in my genital area, which by lunch had progressed to actual pain.

The pain of course caused me a lot of psychological distress to the point that I was hyperventilating, but thank God one of my co-workers seemed to understand why this was so much WORSE for me than for a non trans guy - every painful feeling was a reminder of the part of me I would give anything not to possess at all, and I actually had to repress an urge to take the box-cutting knife I carry and perform some impromptu surgery with it.

With her helping me, I regained my focus enough to finish the shift, and although I was a lot less productive than I would like, that felt like a victory.

One more shift tonight, and I've completed my first week back at work. Hopefully tonight is better, and after my two days off are over, that I can get back into the working routine better afterward, and this isnt a sign that I may have to give up the job because I cant handle it.