StrangeFellows Day Story Contest Awards
Author:
Contests:
Audience Rating:
B.Y.O.M.*
Ladies and Gentleman, and those who have declined to state, here to host our Strangefellows Day Contest awards are possible opponents a year from November in the U.S. Presidential race -- Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton and Mayor Rudolph Giuliani.
Hillary: Just a couple of New Yorkers on the town.
Rudi: You got that right.
Hillary: We're going to paint the town pink.
Rudi: No, we're going to paint the state red.
Hillary: Poe tay toe, poh tah toh!
Rudi: You're wearing a pantsuit.
Hillary: And you're wearing a dress.
Rudi: I've got better legs.
Hillary: Moving right along.
Rudi: Our first category, Short Shorts. We're still on clothing here.
Hillary: I dare you to wear a pair for a debate.
Rudi: I will if you will.
Hillary: Too Short. Shoes.
Rudi: They're too short? You don't have the right shoes?
Hillary: No, the winner in the Too Short category with almost 80% of the first place votes is:
Shoes
by Heather Rose Brown
Rudi: Honorable Mentions go to the only other stories that got more than one vote for first place in this category:
Side Effects by Jamie Lou
Maiden 'gina by Jennifer Brock
Blue Moon by Donna Lamb
Rudi: That's a landslide.
Hillary: Of Shoes.
Rudi: Makes you think.
Hillary: About what?
Rudi: The next category?
Hillary: Well, the next category, Not Short Enough, had something for every profession...
Rudi: From waitress or plowman...
Hillary: To car sales or horse races...
Rudi: And it's close, it's so close, it went right down to the wire...
Hillary: And the winner, by a nose:
Dentistry for Gifted Equines
by Randalynn
Rudi: Edging out:
Bait and Switch
by Julie O
Hillary: If we gave out a third place we would have had a real tie so Honorable Mentions to both:
The Dirt Farmer's Son by Jill Micayla
Turning Tables by Itinerant
Rudi: That's about it for our part of the show.
Hillary: But you can catch our act again and again...
Rudi: In a caucus or primary near you...
Hillary: I'm sure you'll see enough of both of us...
Rudi: Especially you, if you wear a dress, you've got fat legs, lady.
Hillary: ...To be sick of our banter! Good night, folks.
Rudi: Good night!
And to host the next part of our show, the lovely Charo and Weird Al Yankovic -- the long and the short of it!
Charo: I'm glad they did not make me give out the Too Short awards; I am not Too Short, am I, Senor Al?
Al: Oh, I'd say the view from up here more than compensates.
Charo: It is too good for you.
Al: Mmm mmm.
Charo: Why they do call you Weird Al, anyway?
Al: (demonstrates)
Charo: Me gusto! I like it! That is weird, verdad.
Al: Let's get to the presentations.
Charo: When you compete against yourself, sometime you win but also you lose. What means this, Senor Al?
Al: It means that for most of the voting one story was in first place only to be beaten on the last two days by another story -- by the same author.
Charo: So the winner in novelettes, Not Long Enough, is:
A Murder Gone Wrong
by Jill Micayla
Al: And Honorable Mention goes to:
Turnabout Time by Tara G
School Metal Detectors by Jill Micayla
Charo: That was not so hard.
Al: Maybe the next one will be more -- difficult.
Charo: Si. I think you do not usually make this kind of joke.
Al: I'm married now; I had to find out what it was about first.
Charo: So no more songs about food?
Al: I didn't say that!
Charo: So now you sing about cucumbers and the clams, pues si?
Al: Moving right along -- you asked why they call me Weird Al, but surely your name is not really Charo?
Charo: Mi nombre es Maráa del Rosario Pilar Martánez Molina Baeza de Rasten.
Al: That name is longer than you are!
Charo: I think I maybe leave something out.
Al: But why Charo?
Charo: It means amber because I am so hot!
Al: Amber? Oh, ember! I can see that.
(He touches her butt, she sizzles and then he sucks on his fingers. She grins and shouts "Ay, yi, yi! Cuchi-cuchi!")
Al: Our last category, but not the last category, is Novellas - Too Long.
Charo: No hay cosa si. No such thing.
Al: Nevertheless, we have a winner:
A Perfect Match?
by Julie O
Charo: And this was so close, we give a second place prize, tambien, also:
Dragons, Fairies, and Elves, Oh My!
by Grover
Al: And that's it for our part of the show, folks.
Charo: You know, Senor Al, I just think of something. You and I both start in the show business when we are just teenagers, verdad?
Al: Yeah, but you were a teenager for much longer than me.
Charo: Say good night, Al.
Al: Good night, Al. Good night, Charo. Good night, everybody.
And now here to present the Honorable Mentions in the Novel category; The Radio City Music Hall Rockettes!
(Rockettes enter dancing, each one saying one or two words, they dance on, across the stage and off.)
Rockettes: Since the What's so Novel Contest Doesn't End
for Six More Months, No Prize was Given at This Time, Instead,
Two Stories Earned Honorable Mentions for the Number of Votes They Got:
Leeway by Justme
Being Christina Chase by Admiral Krunch
(The Rockettes re-enter dancing the other way across the stage but at the end of the line this time are Weird Al and Mayor Guliani in Rockette costumes.)
Al: Always wanted to do this!
Rudi: Ever consider a career in politics?
(Charo and Hillary enter, wearing pants suits and clapping.)
Hillary: That's pretty novel!
Charo: Pues si! Ay-yi-yi! Cuchi-cuchi!
Hillary: What she said!
Short Short - Too Short1. Shoes by Heather Rose Brown
HM. Side Effects by Jamie Lou
HM. Maiden 'gina by Jennifer Brock
HM. Blue Moon by Donna LambShort Story - Not Short Enough
1. Dentistry for Gifted Equines by Randalynn
2. Bait and Switch by Julie O
HM. The Dirt Farmer's Son by Jill Micayla
HM. Turning Tables by ItinerantNovelette - Not Long Enough
1. A Murder Gone Wrong by Jill Micayla
HM. Turnabout Time by Tara G
HM. School Metal Detectors by Jill MicaylaNovella - Too Long
1. A Perfect Match? by Julie O
2. Dragons, Fairies, and Elves, Oh My! by GroverNovel - What's so Novel?
HM. Leeway by Justme
HM. Being Christina Chase by Admiral Krunch
Click below to see the entries in the "When Things Go Wrong" Story Contest by category if you STILL haven't read them yet.
Short-Short Stories - Too Short - under 1500 words
Short Stories - Not Short Enough - up to 8,000 words
Novelettes - Not Long Enough - 7,000 to 20,000 words
Novellas - Too Long - 15,000 to 50,000 words
and:
Novels - What's so Novel? - 40,000 words and up
- Erin