Come so far, but so far to go

I've kinda reached a place where I'm being forced to choose between moving forward and risking what I've already accomplished. See, the next steps are kinda tricky - I have to somehow navigate the ex, change my name, and then I'll be as close as I think I can come as surgery is not likely. But the risks are high too, I flop it with the ex and I worry I'll be tempted to just go back into the closet until I die. I think that's why I've been delaying putting my name change in high gear, much less confront the ex. But standing still isnt much of a option, at least not for long. Ah, well.