I remember

I remember growing up

I remember feeling different from everyone else.
I remember all the pain from the name calling because I was different.
I remember the fun times with my sister.
I remember mom and dad telling me they loved me no matter what.
I remember my grandma telling me she loved me.
I remember the pain of the names I was called.
I remember my grandma leaving to soon.
I remember the pain from their humiliation.
I remember building my wall to protect me from their hurt.
I remember him saying that he understood and felt for me.
I remember the pain from the loneliness and rejection
I remember the pain when the doctor sewed up my failed attempt.
I remember the pain and humiliation at my failed second attempt.
I remember trying to escape many times, but never quite making it.
I remember the pills the doctor gave me to help me sleep.
I remember they didn't help me escape!
I remember the new ones I have to take everyday, they make me so tired.
I remember dull gray and shiny gold.
I remember a bright flash.
I remember grandma saying I can't come because it is not time for me to come yet.
I remember him wanting to know why I tried to rush things, I can't come yet because it
is not time for me to come yet.
I remember being told I have to go back and wait until it is time for me to come.
I remember seeing nothing while I wait to go away from the pain.
I remember hearing the pain that I caused my family.
I remember the dark
I remember waiting for the pain to end so I could go on.
I remember wishing that I would have lived with the pain for a while longer.
I remember mom, dad, grandma, and him coming to take the pain away.
I remember all the love that people showed that I did not see.
I remember all the kindness that people showed that I did not see.
I remember all the compassion that people showed that I did not see.