I thought I did okay for a first retcon

When I first joined this site, I tried writing fan fiction it didn't go so well. I'm writing a retcon now but don't know if it's being received that well. I hope that it works so everyone enjoys it because I'm really putting a lot into it, listening to other authors and trying to take advice.
I expect my writing to be a little rough around the edges. But I hope it gets readers. And for any of those retconners out there who have trouble with my style, please give me time to learn. advice is always appreciated. Even if I don't follow all of it.