surviving church, and a christmas party

I am, as I have said before, something of a spiritual orphan. I cannot help but take my faith and the Bible seriously, but what i am is not accepted by churches that do for the most part. But yesterday was just about the last straw for me at the ex's church. They had a guest speaker who essentially was a Christian version of "the power of positive thinking" crowd. "If you are struggling, it's cause you want to struggle" was his message, and it took all my self-control not to get in his face. Then I went to the staff Christmas party at my work, and had to deal with the horrible sense of envy and sadness i feel when surrounded by women dressed in their best feminine finery knowing i am not free to do the same. Ah, well.