Understanding

Understanding

I'm just sitting here with this stupid laptop in my lap. There are so many things that I could be doing. I have stories to read, games to play, I could even do laundry. Instead of doing those things, I just sit here. I just sit here and feel bored. But; it' not just that. Under it all, I'm just lonely. I wish I had someone to spend time with who is not family, or a pet. I dated someone for a while this past spring. It was doomed from the start but it was nice to be wanted. I miss that.

I understand now why people some jump into any relationship that comes along. It's because they have to. It gives them purpose and strength. But more importantly, it staves of the loneliness. That horrible loneliness. I think that is also the reason that people start doing drugs. To get that high that can make everything feel better for a while.

All I do is work and come home. Work and come home. It's a stupid, boring routine that never gets any better. I have no friends outside of work friend or online friends. I miss having friends. I'm just so used to being alone that I have trouble making new ones. I stuck my foot in the dating pool for the first and only time. I made it to 3 dates with him. I just could not give into my feelings. If I had the relationship might have survived. It all feeds the loneliness. That dammed feeling can make the nights so very long.