Will it get better?

Let's just be clear about this. There is no thought or implication of doing the "S" thing, OK?

I know that others have faced what I did a couple weeks ago. And usually after a period of bemoaning my circumstances, I have managed to bounce back fairly rapidly. But, this time just feels like a mortal wound in my soul.

So, I am asking for sage advice? I don't know that I have the courage to act normally in public right any more, and maybe never again. I feel ashamed at my response to the many sisters I have met on the street and who have been unresponsive to me. I just wanted to be friendly and supportive, being too stupid and ignorant to realize that after a long time and many such violations, one loses hope, and for the sake of self preservation, we just emotionally go inside and shut the door and stay there. In short, I have been a stupid cunt.

I wish I could at least be angry at her violation. I can't because I am just not built that way.

Tell me, does it ever get better, or am I done? I don't know what is wrong right now. One of my friends suggests that I should just take care of me for now; that I am drained, and need to engage in a lot of self care. That feels so selfish to me.

Much peace

Gwen