Am I the only one?
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Wandering around my story file last night while the Fourth was still with me, I came across a piece I did about a transwoman who was mourning the then-recent passing of Carrie Fisher and her mom, Debbie Reynolds. Along with Angharad's May 4th blog, my story nudged me into a bit of self-reflection.
When I saw what was then called just Star Wars, I was married to my first wife, and we enjoyed the picture. I also had one of those glimpses into my deeply closeted and long denied gender identity conflicts. When I saw Princess Leia posed as in the picture above, I wasn't merely attracted to her. For the briefest of moments, I wanted somehow to BE her.
As much as anyone can be, I was so confused and even conflicted. I have no idea where and why that conflict disappeared until now. But I also came across another piece I did where a teen has a series of dreams after being injured with a nasty concussion. In one episode, the girl/boy is transported to a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, where she and Rey mourn the death of Leia.
I only realized today that I mourned that part of me who longed to be someone like Leia Organa Skywalker. Something in which to rejoice, since it helped me further identify WHO I am.
Princess Leia's Theme
From the Motion Picture
Star Wars (Episode IV A New Hope)
Composed by John Williams
As performed by
The Danish National Orchestra