why would I apologize for crying ?

So among my nightmares and flashbacks over the last couple of days, I had a dream where I was sitting with a woman, and for whatever reason my abuse came up, and I started crying.

But as I started crying I also began to apologise for losing it like that.

Now this was just a dream, but the fact is I usually apologise if I start crying, regardless of the cause of my tears.

I am not exactly sure why, it might be the "boys don't cry" thing, but something tells me its something deeper.

I might have to do a deep dive into my memories to find out, which scares me.

but I am not sure not knowing is helpful either . . .