Jem…Chapter 147

*Summer………………..

We left Blackjack Studios to drive down town and we had to find a place to park and that in itself was sort of having me not to thrilled about all of this.

Hannah’s looking around. “Wow there’s a lot of cars down here for a Wednesday night in like downtown and away from the malls.”

“Yeah, this is really something else.”

I find a place to park and I’m pissed because I have to use a machine but thankfully its two hour parking so I think we’ll be out of there by then and all and we get out and start heading down the street and Hannah reaches over and she takes my hand.

“It’s a rock show; we can have fun here even if it’s your ex.”

“It’s my ex-band and we have bad blood.”

She looks at me. “Yeah you told me and people change Summer, just look at how they’re playing now. It’s been a long time you’ve changed and so did they they’re definitely matured and stuff.”

“Yeah well it sucks that it happened without me.”

Hannah smiles. “Life suckage happens, there’s a whole lot in my life I wanted to be different too. Sometimes you have to get out to live, sometimes people can drag you down.”

I stop as we get to the crowd and I pull her to me and I kiss her.

There’s people looking and people talking and taking a few pictures even.

I know she’s talking about herself but it also fits with the stuff that I told her.

That Rayne had started to fall apart after her dad died.

That was true, she was also putting on weight with things and that pissed me off because that was like showing with the band and it had me with her and she was getting worse…and worse and doing stuff too like that cutting bullshit and honestly I didn’t want to deal.

I knew I couldn’t deal and I didn’t even want to try and open that effing Pandora’s box inside of me.

I have enough on the ball that there’s enough nightmare shit in my head that I’d never get back out.

And with the writing on the wall and Brooklyn and Kim nowhere as good as they are apparently now I did what was right.

I left and took what I deserved as the heart of Starlight Butterfly.

It was my fucking band goddamn it.

I pull Hannah into a hug and it’s more to have me showing her off and something to hold because I’m kind of pissed and stuff but I want it to look like Hannah and I are a definite item and that I’ve not just left Rayne for Muzzle but I’ve moved on to a whole new other girl.

Seriously it was my band.

They should have died as a band without me.

Though it is gratifying to see some of those people that came here say. “Hey that’s Kisses and Thorns.”

And there’s a bit of whimpered stuff both good and bad as we’re heading inside.

Hannah’s. “Very cool no cover charge that’s hell of a good idea.”

Gary’s like. “Yeah but you’re missing out on mad money at the door.”

And speaking of the door there’s a dude there with a security shirt and a Tim Horton’s coffee checking ID’s and stamps and then there’s a flash as he takes Hannah’s picture and he says. “No ID you’re a minor.”

Hannah’s like. “Cool whatever but like why the pic?”

“Gets sent to the bartender.”

She nods. “Cool.” And she pulls me inside with her but dude is scary and I think he’s one of the bikers that I’ve heard of hanging around with Angel and stuff.

Dud looks like a biker.

I have to ask. “You’re cool with that?”

Hannah nods. “Last person that seen me that would want to find me wouldn’t recognize me now hon.”

“Okay I just want you like safe and all.”

“I’m good Summer, it’s just Door and Bar stuff.”

“Okay.”

We actually hit the bar first and there’s food and I take out Adam’s company card and get some of the stuff they have here and I’ve had tapas once and it was really good but you don’t have this stuff in town here and to have it here is pretty awesome and Hannah’s trying lots of stuff and I give the card to the bartender and point all of us out.

“Start a tab okay!”

They check the card and nod and I get a chardonnay spritzer and have another bite of those apricot things that are awesome and a shot each with Dee and Tara of something called a falsetto which is vodka-amaretto-and something that tastes like dark cherry.

I’m just getting a buzz when the music starts up.

Roxy-Moogle…she was never that when I was in the band, she was just Kimmie.

She’s got a cute outfit on too and she’s is out first and she drums, not just drums she’s friggin soloing.

Then Jem’s out and she’s skips out and bounces around the stage all sweaty and stuff but like she’s had enough of a break to look good and she’s all hyper and energized after all she’s already done and she hit’s it just right with a cover of Pink and doing *So what.*

And she was so I think kind of aiming that at me or us or something.

She is all pink colored skinny chick girly punk…like someone took Gwen Stephanie and Carly Rae Jepson and squished them into one girl that’s like fronting herself as an 80’s like cartoon character.

She loves it too you can feel it.

And yeah okay when she goes into Boots of Chinese plastic I’m dancing with Hanners and it’s fun…it’s a little fun…I mean it’s a great song and The Pretenders what a great choice and just shit, shit, shit Jem actually has the range for that too.

If you can sound like Chrissy Hynde then you can cover Elvis, Roy Oberson, K.D. Land and a whole bunch of other singers and that’s like a mint with covers.

K.D. Lang doing “Hallelujah” as a tribute to Cohen was one of my favorite things as a female artist.

There’s a lot of really good tunes including some of theirs and yeah it’s a good time, it’s a good show and Jem pulls out these crazy vocals with her sounding very Joplinesque when she’s singing Zeppelin’s *Whole lot love.*

Yeah like picture how the dudes sing it with that high grinding sound and then how Joplin would do exactly that and that’s what Jem is doing.

I could actually do that…I fucking wish that I had thought of that actually.

And that brand new tune *Tingle* that actually sounded like something that was like a girl singing sort of like Lorde if Lorde sang Coldplay.

And there’s another thing they’re doing a lot of their own stuff and it’s like not the stuff that I took and it’s decent stuff and they have a lot of it.

I sigh in between breaks hugging Hannah. “I frigging hate this, I feel like I’m standing still with them and all of their songs.”

She nods. “We could play those ones.”

“What one’s the one’s I took?”

She nods but it’s right up against me with her hair under my chin. “Yeah, give them back, give like two of them back.”

“Two of them?”

“Yeah look *Love is Rayne* is definitely for like the whole thing between you and her so you should like keep it and we’re heavier in like rocking so we take *Brace for Impact* and they are more into girly rock and slow songs so we give back *Sandcastles* and *Fidelity*”

I look at her… it might be a good idea. I mean it would mean we could have two songs out of limbo and it might make us look good.

And…and I can steer Jem into time with Adam with this.

Hell maybe he can even like get us some kind of spin off of this and everything too?

They take a break and I talk it over with the band as we head to the bar for more of the killer food and stuff and drinks and I’m switching to cider after my next round of shots because I’m a lot of things but I really don’t go for the whole impaired driving stuff.

I’ve partied enough that I’ve been in a couple of decent accidents that were close enough to instill a good amount of oh hell no for me.

I was not intending to have Hanners smile at me as I switched over.

Damn those apricot meat and spice things are good and they’re going fast too and I’m not the only person here with their time on a credit card either and I see faces that look like totally new to me and there’s some fairly well off people here and they’re all having a good time.

I hear some people saying. “This place is awesome, how the heck didn’t we know this was here?”

And there’s pictures taken and a lot of drinking and texting and too.

………………………….Then they start the second half of the second show with Kimmie singing and Brooklyn and they’re both good.

Kimmie…Kimberly effing Kimura has fans all her own now?

And Brooklyn can sing past back up?

She knocks *Steve McQueen* right out of the park.

Y’know what?

Fucking good for her.

We don’t like each other but Rayne’s from very strongly settled middle class and Kim’s a rich spoiled brat really when it comes down to it and Jem well who the fuck knows but Brooklyn…I’ve met her family before.

They’re all fucking dirt bags and crackheads and they’re not nice or good people right on the same level as my family was and she’s out from all of that and she’s getting better and stuff so right the fuck on.

No I still don’t like her she’s a judgemental bitch and always was but If there was someone I’d root for out of them and shit it’s Brooklyn.

And then Rayne’s singing lots more in this half too and that’s maddening and haunting too. She has a killer voice and power and range all in this great package and she’s better than she ever was.

*Billy Holiday* was just…it made me ache in bad ways, it’s really good and it made me feel really jealous of her and Jem right up until Hannah reached up and pulled me into a long kiss as we were slow dancing.

And *Invisible.* well that’s scary Cobain good and it has a really big fan following too with lighters out and phones up and people singing along.

And then they do this sit down thing and Rayne’s playing and Brooklyn too and Jem sings *Me and Bobby McGee.*

Krisopherson had a hell of a pen going when he made that and Joplin did it well and Pink did it really well too and Jem is right there in her Pinkesque wheelhouse with this.

Near the end of the night and as late as it was it was a seriously good fit for the night.

And they have a play out song too.

SLB and I’ll have to say Jem have like good, maybe great showmanship and production chops and then there’s all this stuff about the woman’s shelter in town and all their other stuff online and reminding everyone of things.

They know what they’re doing.

Like that thing they did for Lucky’s.

Seriously people go there because of that commercial they did for the place for the food and stuff.

“We should be doing maybe something like that.” Hannah says and she’s walking over and tugging me with her.

“Why? It’s not like they’re getting advertising cash.”

She looks at me. “Because just look around you, this is like all from like knowing how to work with people and those people say good things about you and likely get then word of mouth jobs and stuff.”

I look at her. “We have a label and we’re doing actual professional stuff Hannah, we’ll get even better stuff going on like real commercials and stuff.”

She smiles. “Well how about it wouldn’t hurt to try and be like cooler with places we sing at and see how it goes because it wouldn’t hurt hon. No one likes a deva.”

…………………….. That whole thing went right fucking sideways.

Brooklyn was being a bitch and Rayne was being…I just…Aaargh fucking hell that chick pisses me off.

Why the fuck did she take now to get her shit together?

Kimmie even was mouthing off and getting in my grill.

And it really, really didn’t help my mood they were generating with their two geeks and stuff smarting off and filming it and Hannah getting along with Jem…Angel.

I almost left, almost tore out of there until Hannah stopped me…she stopped me by literally putting her hands on my shoulders and pushing on me.

I kept my voice low but growled at her. “Let me go.”

Hannah looked at me. “No…you need this and you’re out of that, you’re not with her anymore and you don’t have to let her get under your skin.”

“No…fuck them and their fucking smug bullshit and seeing things just one fucking way…that’s why I fucking left Hannah I knew who they’d fucking pick.”

She gives me the sweetest damned look and she says. “Well I fucking well choose you Summer.”

And that’s when she kissed me.

One of the best kisses I’ve ever had.

I’m not like romantic and shit but there’s just something about someone who’s seeing you in a bad time, seeing ugly shit about you and reaching past all that anger and out of controlness and kissing you and choosing you and making it better.

Even I like that…everyone does really because we’re all like out of control right?

And then there was Jem/Angel actually being nice and being reasonable…saying how good we are, and that they are going to share this Halloween gig with us and just…her and Hannah like I said getting along and stuff.

I could maybe almost like her and stuff except I’m pretty sure that she actually doesn’t like me very much.

She’s fake polite…”professional” I can tell she doesn’t like me.

So yeah…yeah, yeah, yeah.

I’ve worn that fucking wig for you.

And I’ll do the gig it’s a good one, I’ll talk Adam into it and more…because…well because she’s just pissing me off.

Gary and Muzzle are looking for a scrap and There’s not just the guys from the door but yeah there’s another biker too and he looks just as mean as well as there’s two like older dudes that aren’t too far away and Walker’s looking on…like he’s judging me again.

Yeah we left.

……………….. And I didn’t waste any time getting to our car and heading home. I know Hannah’s worried about me and she was watching me the whole drive home and I didn’t even drive fast either.

Shit inside is numb.

All that stuff with Rayne was real in its own way.

She checked out on me and she left me first.

And Jem/Angel with what she said.

And she doesn’t like me.

She’s fucking passed judgement too.

I’m really just hurting and hurting and tired of hurting and stuff.

I park the car in the little parking lot and I help Hannah with her things and head inside and leave things at the kitchen counter.

I’m heading upstairs and Hannah asks. “Summer you okay?”

“Yeah just my period and all the other shit, I’m going to just take a bath and lay down for a while.”

That’s pretty much the truth…I’m having that and it’s not helping everything else and I fucking swear I have PTSD shit from Rayne too.

I hear her say. “You want company?”

“No…please, I just need some alone time for a while Hannah I’ll bet it under control.”

“Okay…love you.”

I’m crying but I just keep going upstairs and I say to myself. “Don’t I’m not worth it.”