Sometimes it is more important to listen to your inner voice than those around you. Honey Bunny Chapter 6 by Louise Anne Smithson Copyright © 2015 Louise Anne Smithson All Rights Reserved.

I woke at 9.00 a.m. on Saturday morning and lay in bed for a while thinking about how much I’d enjoyed myself the previous day. These pleasant recollections gradually gave way to anxiety as I started wondering what I was going to do about the McJob. They’d been unreasonable in their demands of me and I’d no regrets about letting them down the previous evening, but I was going to need to earn myself some money: occasional bookings with the Honey Bunnies would not be sufficient. I wondered whether I should go in to work and try and explain and also perhaps apologise? This was my first misdemeanour so they might just keep me on after a warning? After all there can’t be that many mugs willing to work such antisocial and unpredictable hours for peanuts. If the manager did so, he would be bound to punish me by giving me a succession of awkward and unpopular shifts, but I could probably cope with that.

After half an hour of daydreaming about the previous night and worrying about the job, Carol knocked on my bedroom door and brought me a cup of tea.

‘Time to get up, I’m afraid. Mum has gone into Portsmouth, shopping. I’ve just had Beth on the phone; she’ll be round here at 11.00am and wants you to be ready in Ally mode.’

‘Why is that?’ I asked.

‘I’ve no idea. She said that she’ll explain to us when she gets here. You can borrow my trouser suit again if you like and I’ll find you a clean blouse and some of my underwear.’

‘I can’t keep borrowing your clothes, Carol,’ I replied.

‘We should get a better fee following last night’s performance. Perhaps you could invest some of Ally’s earnings in to buying her some clothes.’

‘I guess so,’ I said, a little anxiously, not wishing to admit that Alex might have just lost his McJob.

I got up, took a shower and fixed my boobs into place. A few minutes later Carol came in and handed me some of her underwear together with a pair of tights.

‘I’m glad that you left your nails on last night; that’ll save us some time.’

‘Me too,’ I thought.

‘Can you manage your own makeup whilst I get myself ready?’

‘I’ll do my best, as long as you’re not expecting me to put on the false eyelashes again.’

‘No we can probably excuse those for today. Do your best and I’ll help you to fix your hair afterwards.’

I was quite pleased to be able to do a pretty good job on my eyes and lips and also to put in my own earrings. As a result we were both ready by the time Beth arrived looking quite smart herself and also very excited.

‘Beth, what’s this all about?’ asked Carol, as anxious to find out as I was.

‘We’ve all got an interview in Southampton at two o’clock this afternoon. The guys are coming to collect us at twelve-thirty.’

‘Interview? What sort of interview?’ she asked.

‘For a job, on a brand new cruise liner that’s going to be based in Southampton. The entertainments manager for the line was in the audience last night and liked the way we appealed to a wide age range. He may be considering us for a booking for their first voyage – all six of us.’

‘But when?’ I asked.

‘The ship takes on its first passengers a week from today. It then does a twelve day Mediterranean cruise before returning to Southampton for two days to restock and take on new passengers.’

‘But does he know about me?’ I asked.

‘The only thing he knows about you is that you’re a great singer and arranger. What else is there to know?’ asked Beth, feigning ignorance.

‘That I’m a guy, course.’

‘Do they really need to know that? Everyone who meets you when you’re dressed as Ally takes it for granted that you’re a girl,’ said Carol.

‘No matter how convincing or otherwise I might be, he would still need to know the truth. If the company are employing us they will need my National Insurance number which includes my sex and they would also want to see my passport. There’s no way that I’m going to attend an interview, dressed as I am, without them knowing.’

Beth looked horrified by this statement.

‘But what are the guys going to say if you come along to the interview dressed as a guy?’

‘We’ll just have to explain the situation to everyone concerned.’

‘Look Ally, there’s no guarantee that we’re going to be offered the job on the cruise, and we may want to use the Pompey Players another time. At least come along to the interview dressed as a girl and let’s see what happens. In the unlikely event that we are offered a contract that’ll be the time for you to come clean,’ suggested Beth.

I wasn’t so sure about that, but I was now fully dressed and made up as Ally and it would inevitably take me some time to revert back to Alex.

‘Alright I’ll go to the interview as Ally as long as it’s understood that I’ll have to tell the truth if we are offered a booking.’

Beth and Carol reluctantly agreed with me and we spent the next forty-five minutes making sure that we all looked our best. The guys turned up in James’s six-seater car, and they were also looking unusually smart. Tom was sitting in the front passenger seat, with James and Carol and Beth climbed into the back row, leaving me to share the middle row with George. He proceeded to spend the next thirty-five minutes of our journey telling me how excited he was by this prospect, how it was just what he’d always wanted to do, and how pleased the three of them were that they’d linked up with the Honey Bunnies. In fact everyone in the car seemed to be elated by the prospect, except for me, knowing that I would probably be the one who was going to squash the whole deal. We parked just outside Southampton Docks and presented ourselves at the gates. The gateman checked that we had authorisation and then directed us to where the new liner was still being fitted out.

Beth’s ‘so-called’ interview proved not to be an interview at all but rather the opportunity to give us the details of a trial during the maiden voyage of the ship with paying passengers. This was to be a twelve day cruise, on this occasion only as far as Marseilles and back. Frank Johnson the entertainments manager was still working out the details of what acts would be needed when the three weeks cruises between Southampton and Venice commenced after our return. As indicated by Beth, he’d been in the audience of the Red Lion the previous night and was impressed with both the musicians and the singers.

'I've been looking for some musicians and singers for some time, but it was your encore last night that finally made me decide to give you a trial.'

James looked at me and smiled. I felt like a heel.

‘I liked the fact that you didn’t just stick with the current hit parade or sought to appeal only to the teens and twenties. I’d encourage you to include some more material from the last century.’

‘No problem,’ said James, ‘we’ve already begun to do so.’

‘Remember also that many of the passengers will be non-English speakers so the broader and more inclusive you can be the better.

The others all murmured their agreement, I kept silent.

‘I’m afraid you’ll have to lose the name ‘Pompey Players’, which won’t go down very well in Southampton, but I quite like ‘the Honey Bunnies’.

(There is a long tradition of rivalry between the two neighbouring South Coast ports.)

‘I suppose we could bill you lads as ‘the Young Bucks,’ if you want to keep to a rabbit theme.’

The boys could see no objection – in fact I got the impression that they’d have been happy to call themselves whatever he wanted, if it got them a booking.

‘Maybe you could smarten yourselves up a little as well, guys, and get yourselves haircuts. If you did so I’d be able to use you to provide backing for some of the other acts where we occasionally need musicians.’

By implication he must have thought that the Bunnies were smart enough already.

He proceeded to show us the dressing rooms and the tiny stage where we would be performing most nights of the week and told us about the duties. The more he told us, the more anxious I became. It was going to be a twelve night Mediterranean cruise with stops in a number of tourist destinations. There were, of course, other entertainments on the ship but we would be expected to perform most evenings with a nightclub style performance and also on those afternoons when the ship was at sea. The salary offered was respectable and what is more all our meals and accommodation would be provided. There were a few additional duties such as helping with the embarkation and disembarkation procedures and acting as stewards during the weekly safety drills. However, these duties would not amount to more than an hour each day. There would be plenty of free time and if any of us undertook anything beyond those specified, they would be paid extra. I looked around at the others and could see that everyone was most impressed and just itching to sign on the dotted line, but now it was crunch time, I could keep silent no longer.

‘It is a wonderful opportunity, Mr Johnson, and I’m sure we’d all love to do the work. But there’s a problem.’

‘What sort of problem, young lady?'

I gave a nervous laugh.

‘That’s just the point, I’m not a young lady, but a young man. There is no Alexandra Fletcher, my name is Alexander. I agreed to fill in for one night with the Bunnies but after that, things rather got carried away and we were offered other engagements,’ I said with a nervous laugh.

The room went very quiet and I could feel the sense of astonishment experienced by all of the males present. I dared not look at the reaction of the guys. After a second or two, Frank broke the silence.

‘This is intended to be a family show; we’re not looking for a drag act.’

Bethany came to my aid.

‘Ally is not a drag performer and we have no intention of providing a drag or burlesque type show,’ she said with some emphasis. ‘We’re a girl group and Alexandra has been filling in for us as a female impersonator. She has been doing a great job in the process and is much better than the real girl she is replacing.’

‘How old are you?’ he asked me briskly.

‘Eighteen,’ I replied.

That seemed to ease a little of the tension. He appeared to be going through various things in his mind. He then turned to the lads.

‘Did you three know about this?’ he asked the musicians, addressing them as a group.

It seemed to me to be a stupid question given the looks of astonishment that remained on all their faces.

‘We’d no idea,’ said James, sadly.

‘As far as we’re concerned he can wear whatever he wants whenever he wants,’ added George with just a hint of bitterness in his tone.

‘But that is not so. If this trial were to go ahead, she won’t be able to wear what she wants – at least not whilst she is on board the ship. Our staff carry photo identity cards at all times. If they board or leave the ship or go into a secure area, their photograph is displayed on a screen. We have employed transsexuals before now but no-one who switches backwards and forwards between genders. There are thirty-one nationalities represented by the staff and crew and they would not all understand the situation.’

‘Well he certainly looks and sounds like a real girl,’ commented James to Frank.

Frank continued, thinking out loud.

‘I suppose it might be possible for me to make a few clerical errors regarding Alex’s name and sex in our employment records but I wouldn’t want this to be known by the other members of staff or the crew, and especially not by the passengers. Is that understood?’’

‘Are you saying that I’d be expected to remain as a girl for the duration of the voyage?’ I asked.

‘Well apart from anything else, you’ll have to share a cabin in the female staff quarters.’

‘That won’t be a problem, Ally can share a cabin with me as we’re cousins,’ said Carol, warming to the idea.

‘But what am I going to wear when I’m on board?’

‘We have the two stage outfits which fit you,’ said Carol.

‘Yes, but what about the times when I’m not working?’ I asked. ‘I had to borrow these clothes to come to this meeting as it is.’

‘You’re welcome to continue borrowing them,’ she added.

‘You may keep my hair extensions and shoes,’ said Beth. ’There is also fifty pounds due to you from your performance last night.’

‘We didn’t pay you for your guest appearance on Tuesday evening so I’m sure we could add a further fifty to make it up to one hundred,’ added James.

The two other guys nodded, suddenly realising that their dream job might not be entirely lost.

‘I could probably match that with a similar advance from your salary. If the trial proves to be a success, as I hope it will do, and I decide to keep you on for further voyages I’ll find a way to lose it in my expenses,’ said Frank. 'You'll also be issued with a uniform for when you are carrying out official duties on behalf of the company,'

‘So that will give you £200 to buy yourself some clothes,’ said Carol quietly.

It also occurred to me that there was also now likely to be about £160 paid in to my account from the McJob. They may have sacked me but they couldn’t withhold money that I’d already earned.

I was conscious that everyone’s eyes were now on me.

‘When do you need an answer?’ I asked.

‘Now, I’m afraid. If you’re not interested there’s another group that I have in reserve, which are not as good as you, but I know they would be available. The ship sails next Saturday and there’s a fair amount of preparation work to do in the meanwhile.’

I could feel the weight of expectation from the others pressing down on me. I turned to look at my cousin.

‘Carol, you’re going to have to help me explain this to Aunt Emma.’

‘Yes, of course, I’ll make it clear that you’re doing this for all of us.’

I took a deep breath.

‘Alright then, I’ll do it,’ I said.

There was an audible sigh of relief and the three guys and two other girls looked mightily pleased.

Frank intervened.

‘There’s a saying that we often use, “What happens on the ship stays on the ship.” Once you are ashore it is a different matter. I truly hope that this trial works out for everyone, but it will only do so if we all agree to forget about the existence of Alexander, and concentrate on helping Ally in her new role whilst she’s aboard the ship. Is that clear?’

Everyone nodded in agreement.

The rest of the afternoon was spent filling out relevant forms and receiving our boarding instructions. My male passport wasn’t going to create a problem as long as I didn’t try to go ashore outside the EU, and even then most countries accepted a Cruise Identity Card for short visits ashore. I was unable to provide a female national insurance number, however, but Frank said they could create a temporary female account where they would pay my contributions. I would have to answer a few awkward questions at a later date if I wanted to have them to be credited to my own account, but contributions to a pension that you will not receive for at least fifty years don’t seem so important when you’re only eighteen.

I got the impression that the guys didn’t know what to make of me. On the one hand I think they realised that it was my musical ideas that had been instrumental in getting us the trial in the first place, but at the same time the discovery about my true sex had nearly cost them the job before they’d even started. They all knew that they would have to co-operate with the Bunnies if they wished to retain the booking after the initial trial period, but I was sure that George would never be quite the same in his attitude towards me. Beth and Carol, on the other hand, regarded me as the heroine of the hour and were determined to make sure that no disrespect was shown to me or snide comments made behind my back.

I made sure that I sat in the back row of the car next to my cousin for the drive back to Waterlooville and I noticed that George had deliberately sat himself in the front row next to the driver. Everyone appeared to be slightly in a state of shock. We’d achieved what we’d set out to do, but had made some discoveries along the way.

‘I expect Mum will be home by the time we get back. I suggest that you should go straight up to your room and I’ll explain to her all about the job offer this afternoon. I’ll also tell her what you are proposing to do and why.’

‘So you think we should tell her straight away,’ I said.

‘Yes, the sooner the better. We’ll have a lot to do over the next week and we can’t afford to keep her in the dark. You go up to your bedroom and I’ll call you down as soon as she knows.’

I did as Carol instructed and began to draft an email to Mum and Dad. They would have to be told that I’d now got a job as an entertainer on a cruise ship but they didn’t need to know that it was as a girl singer. Whilst I was doing this, Carol was talking to Aunt Emma, giving her a full blow by blow account of the proceedings during the afternoon. After about an hour Carol came up to see me.

‘Mum now knows and wants to have a talk with both of us in the lounge.’

‘How did she react?’ I asked.

‘She was a little bit surprised, but after seeing the three of us perform last night she was not as surprised as you might think.’

‘Alright, here goes,’ I said as I followed her downstairs.